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corroded-hellfire · 1 year ago

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Sniffles and Snuggles - Eddie Munson x Reader

An As You Wish story

Collaboration with my dear @munson-blurbs 💕

Older!eddie edit by the lovely @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

Summary: When your baby girl wakes up sick, her daddy is there to take care of her

Note: The thought of Eliza being all clingy to Eddie because she doesn’t feel well and just wants her daddy inspired this so I hope you enjoy the thoughts that just pop into my head

Words: 4k

[As You Wish Masterlist]

A familiar cry wakes you from your slumber. It’s muffled—coming from down the hall. Your eyes open in the darkness of your bedroom. Glancing over at the window you see the slightest gray creeping into the blackness of night. Morning must be rolling around you surmise as you stretch your arms out above your head. The cry sounds again and you stare up at your ceiling while you wait to see if it’s going to continue or not. There have been times where Eliza has woken up, cried out a few times simply because she wanted attention, then let it go.

Eddie’s fast asleep next to you, turned your way, giving you a clear view of the drool dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. A soft chuckle falls out of you as you trail your gaze down to see your husband’s bare chest slowly moving up and down with his steady breaths. Another cry from your daughter breaks your focus on your sexy man though, and you push yourself out of bed to go see what’s bothering her.

The closer you get to Eliza’s room, you can hear the different noises she’s making. These aren’t just the typical cries she sometimes has in the middle of the night. There’s whining and a whimpering that’s breaking your heart.

“Hey, what’s going on in here?”

As soon as you see your one-year-old you know something is up. Her cheeks are flushed and her brown curls are matted to her forehead in sweat. She’s holding onto the bars of her crib like she’s an inmate begging to be freed from their jail cell. The moment her eyes land on you, the whining picks up and she’s scrambling for your attention.

“What’s wrong, Sweet Pea?” you ask.

Not even making an attempt at the few words she knows how to say, Eliza simply raises her arms for you to pick her up. The heat radiating off of her little body in its pink onesie is evident the moment your hands are on her. Frowning, you hold her against your chest and gently press your lips to her forehead.

“Oh, you’re burning up, baby. Is someone not feeling well?” Eliza buries her head in your neck, and you have your answer. “Come on, you. Let’s take some medicine that’ll help you feel better.”

Intermittent sniffles come from the baby as you walk with her into the kitchen. The medicines are kept on a high shelf and there’s no way you’ll be able to rummage for what you’re looking for with your daughter in your arms. Luckily, her Disney Princess highchair is only a few feet away and you move to set her down in it. This elicits an immediate negative reaction from Eliza.

“It’s just for a second, sweetheart. Give Mommy one moment to find your medicine.” She clings to you as you try to place her in the chair, but a couple of kisses to the head and whispered assurances that you’re not going anywhere have her finally releasing her vice grip on you. As you watch her slump to the side in her seat, eyes glazed over and staring somewhere in the distance, you think her lack of strength or energy also contributed to her finally letting you go.

The children’s Tylenol is easily findable, and you pour some of the thick berry flavored syrup into a small dosage cup. Eliza eyes it warily, as if already knowing that she’s not going to like it. She wrinkles her nose up as the blue medicine comes closer to her and her whines start up again.

“This is going to help you feel better, my love. I promise.” You can’t blame Eliza for her cranky attitude, but you just wish she’d believe you and take the medicine without issue. But since when do children behave that way? Especially the children of Eddie Munson.

“Come on,” you say as you set the little cup on the tray of her highchair. “It’ll be over really quick. You might even like how it tastes.”

After a few more whiny protests and some cranky writhing in her seat, Eliza stares down at the liquid that might give her some relief. You’re pretty sure you can see the resignation in her brown eyes as gazes at the medicine.

“Here we go.” You lift the small cup up to her lips—which she begrudgingly opens—and tilt it up so the Tylenol pours into her mouth. The moment it’s all swallowed and Eliza closes her mouth, her face scrunches up in revulsion and she shakes her head. It doesn’t seem right to laugh when your daughter is feeling so lousy, but you can’t help but let out a chuckle at her visceral reaction to the taste. “Why don’t we watch a movie, huh? One of your favorites.”

Eliza’s body heat takes you by surprise again as you lift her from her chair. Her head lolls onto your shoulder as you walk into the living room and snatch up the movie on the top of the pile. The Little Mermaid disc isn’t in the case, and it doesn’t shock you at all. It’s probably already in the player, all ready to go.

You scoop up the remote on the way to the couch and click on the television. Eliza’s curls tickle your chin as you hit the buttons that will lead you to the DVD screen. As suspected, The Little Mermaid is in there and ready to be watched for the thousandth time.

“Here we go,” you say, snuggling into the couch with her. “Let’s watch Ariel, yeah?” You’re hoping that the medicine will allow her to get some more sleep. The way she holds herself to your body lets you know she wants to be cuddled. Adjusting yourself so that it’s comfortable for the both of you, you lean back and kick your feet up on the coffee table, allowing Eliza to use your torso as her bed. Her big eyes turn towards the television at the familiar sounds of her favorite movie. One of your hands goes to her tiny back, rubbing reassuring and calming circles, while the other gently strokes her soft downy hair.

You’re fighting sleep when you hear the heavy-footed sound of Eddie padding out to the living room. His hair is a mess, curls askew, and he scratches at his stubble as he yawns.

“What’re my sweet girls doing up at this hour?” he asks softly, re-tying the strings of his plaid pajama pants.

You return his yawn with a weary smile. “Someone is sick and spiked a fever, so I’m just laying with her until the Tylenol kicks in,” you explain, kissing your baby’s sweaty curls.

Eddie looks at you, kindness and empathy still radiating from his tired eyes. “Babe, you look exhausted.” He leans down to try and take Eliza from your embrace, frowning when you pull back. “Let me help.”

“S’okay, Eds. I got it.”

“But you need to sleep so you can go to work tomorrow,” he protests.

Noting that you’re distracted by the conversation at hand, Eliza takes advantage and wriggles from your grasp. She plops her head down on a nearby pillow and almost immediately falls asleep, congested snores emanating from her tiny nostrils.

You furrow your brow, lowering your voice so you don’t disturb your daughter’s slumber. “No, I’m staying home with her. You go into work.”

“I have more vacation days saved up,” he points out, holding out his arms. “Hand me the child and go back to bed.”

You give in, too tired to argue further, kissing him and Eliza before trudging back to bed. You look over your shoulder before you head down the hall, back to your bedroom. Eddie has made himself comfortable on one side of the couch, placing a throw pillow on his lap. He carefully maneuvers Eliza so she can curl up in the same position, rubbing gentle circles on her back to try and break up some of the congestion. It’s not his first rodeo with a sick kid, and based on his older children’s experiences, it won’t be his last.

When your alarm goes off an hour later, you feel anything but rested. Your muscles ache as your body all but begs for more sleep, but you try to shove away the discomfort with a warm shower. It helps somewhat, but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t almost fall asleep standing up.

The family room is quiet; the only sound is the soft hum of the DVD player whirring, the movie long over. Eddie is sprawled out on the couch, his long limbs flung in every direction over the furniture like an overgrown starfish. Eliza, always one to copy her daddy, is spread out on top of his chest. They’re both snoring, though you truly can’t be sure which one of them is louder.

Trying to make the least amount of noise possible, you head into the kitchen and prepare breakfast for yourself and the boys. You know the drill by now: cereal for Ryan, Eggos for Luke. This particular morning though, you don’t think you’ll be able to ingest anything other than a large cup of coffee.

The ringing of two alarm clocks faintly reaches you in the kitchen. Knowing it takes both of them a minute—or a few in Luke’s case—to get out of bed, you know you have time to finish prepping the food before you head down the hall to intercept them. You have to inform them that on this side of the house there are two sleeping beauties currently sawing wood.

“Hey,” you say in a hushed tone as you meet up with the boys in front of their rooms. “Daddy and Eliza are sleeping on the couch. You have to be quiet, okay?”

“Good morning to you, too,” Ryan grumbles, rubbing his left eye with the heel of his hand. Sometimes his preteen moments popped up when you were least able to handle them.

“Why are they on the couch?” Luke asks, voice lower for him, but still a bit loud.

“Eliza isn’t feeling well, and they must’ve fallen asleep waiting for her medicine to kick in,” you explain.

“Is she okay?” Ryan asks.

“She’s fine, sweetie. Just some sniffles,” you tell him. “Now come on, your breakfasts are ready.”

Most of breakfast manages to go smoothly and quietly, until Luke drops his fork on the ground, and it lands on the linoleum with a definitive clang. Your second oldest winces as he turns to you. “Sorry,” he silently mouths. Honestly, you had expected him to make a bigger noise than that at some point, so this is nothing.

Once they finish their breakfast, you usher the boys down the hall and tell them to get ready for school. You finish getting ready for work as well. It’s hard to focus on doing your hair or finding a pair of shoes when you know your baby girl is sick in the other room. But you know she’ll be fine; she’s with Eddie. Super Dad. Being a mom came with a boatload of anxieties, but Eddie always managed to make everything better and less stressful. You joke to him all the time that some magic must’ve rubbed off on him after all the times he’s played D&D throughout his life.

You finish getting ready the same time the boys do, and you see them slipping on their backpacks in the family room. They make no noise, yet their presence in the room must have been enough because both Eddie and Eliza stir from their nap.

“How are you feeling, Eliza?” Ryan asks, tone still soft and low.

His baby sister’s only response is to heave an overdramatic sigh, very reminiscent of her father.

“Feel better!” Luke chirps with far too much enthusiasm.

With an irritated whine, Eliza puts her hands over her tiny ears at her brother’s loud volume. She buries her face in Eddie’s chest, signaling that the conversation with her siblings is over. Eddie uses one hand to caress his daughter's brown locks, hoping it will calm and relax her, and waves to his sons with the other.

“Have a good day at school, guys,” he tells them. The two of them wave back and say their goodbyes before they head out the front door to get to their bus stop down on the corner of the street.

It’s your turn to leave now and you really don’t want to. This is the hardest you’ve ever had to push yourself to get out of the house and go to work. A restless night’s sleep or a massive headache making you not want to go in is nothing compared to knowing your child is home sick.

Once you have everything ready to go, you walk over and lean down to press a kiss to Eddie’s forehead.

“I gotta go now, baby. But I don’t wanna.” You give him the most adorable pout that has a smile lighting up his tired face.

“I’ll hold down the fort,” he tells you. “Have a good day at work. Though it won’t be as amazing as Eliza-Daddy Day.”

“I’m very jealous that I don’t get to be a part of it.” You smile down at your daughter, who has fallen back asleep, and admire the adorable features that she’s inherited from the both of you. “I’ll see you guys later. I love you.”

“We love you too, baby. I love you more, though. But don’t tell Eliza I said that; she’s a very territorial little girl.”

Chuckling, you lean down and press one more kiss to your husband’s lips. “Bye, baby.”

Eddie dozes on and off as he stays as still as possible on the couch so as not to wake the baby. It’s certainly not the most comfortable position, but he’ll be damned if his daughter is awake because of him. He keeps one hand on her back; she’s so little underneath it, and he’s suddenly overcome with a fierce urge to protect her.

Eliza eventually wakes up around lunchtime, tears immediately springing to her eyes. Her face crumples when she tries to breathe in through her nose and realizes that she can’t.

Eddie sits up a bit straighter, keeping his daughter close to his chest. “How ya feeling, baby girl?”

“Uck,” she grunts out, swiping messily at her runny nose.

“Are you hungry?” Eddie asks before deciding for her. “You need to eat something.”

He picks her up and starts to set her in a flowery pink baby walker—surprisingly, Luke had been the one to pick it out at Babies R Us—but Eliza is in no mood to be put down. She lets out a whine that sounds more like a shriek.

Eddie winces at the piercing noise, instinctively bringing her against his chest again. “Hey, hey, what is it?” he softly asks, but she just whimpers and hides her face in his neck.

“Dada.”

“Sweet pea, I was just gonna go into the kitchen to get us some lunch,” he tries to explain, knowing full well that it’s next to useless. “You’ll be able to see me the whole time.”

Eliza shakes her head against his body and sniffles pathetically. “Nooooo. Dada!”

Eddie sighs, giving in to the prospect that the two of them will be attached at the hip all day. “Okay, Lize, you can come with me,” he acquiesces. “We can make a mess of the kitchen together.” He lowers his voice before adding, “just don’t tell Mommy.”

He makes two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with one hand, the other holding on to Eliza’s diapered butt while he works “And they said I had no talent. Ha.”

“Goo Dada.”

Eddie’s glad he understands her normal baby talk enough, because interpretation is even harder now that she’s congested.

“I did good? Why, thank you.” He hands her a piece of sandwich and she immediately drops it on the ground.

“Eliza!”

She crosses her tiny arms and twists her whole body back and forth in protest. “Ucky.”

“Lize, you love peanut butter—”

“UCKY!”

“Okay, no peanut butter for you today,” Eddie mutters, shoving half a sandwich in his mouth. “Let’s see what else we got.”

There isn’t a whole lot in the freezer, but Eddie spots a box of frozen Italian ice cups and pulls it out. He flips the lid open and purses his lips when he only sees a few yellow cups inside.

“Guess your brothers ate all the cherry ones,” he grumbles as he rummages through the box, just to make sure he didn’t miss a red one. “Looks like we just have lemon left.” He makes an unamused face, but Eliza reaches out and grabs it anyway. “You want—y’know what? Sure.”

Eddie grabs a spoon from the utensil drawer and uses his foot to pull Eliza’s high chair over to the kitchen table—lest they be too far apart from each other and Eliza gets all fussy again. She willingly complies since she sees her Daddy will be sitting right in front of her. He pops open the lid of the frozen treat and sets it on the tray in front of her.

“All right, this is gonna be sour,” he warns, but she still eagerly accepts the bite.

Her lips pucker immediately, her nose scrunching up like a bunny at the strange sensation on her tongue.

Eddie lets out a laugh at the adorable and hilarious expression on her little face. “I told you! You want that sandwich now?”

Face still pinched up, Eliza vehemently shakes her head.

“Mo!” Eliza stretches out her hand towards the cup.

“I’ll be damned,” Eddie muses, but he obliges. She makes the same expression with each bite, but she eats nearly half of the serving before declaring, “no mo!”

Eddie gets Eliza cleaned up, not worrying about the mess in the kitchen right now. He’ll take care of it later, as he’s sure the sick girl will take many naps today.

He picks his daughter up out of her highchair and holds her on his hip. “Whatcha wanna do now?”

Eliza lets out a wet little baby cough and gives a shake of her head.

“You don’t know?” Eddie asks. “Hmm. Ah, I’ve got it.”

He stands up, balancing Eliza on his side. She lays her head on his shoulder while he walks into her princess-themed room, using his elbow to flick on the overhead light.

“Okay,” he says, kissing her temple, “let’s see what we’ve got.” He quickly scans the little bookshelf next to her bed to find her favorite story. With a triumphant grin, he plucks The Poky Little Puppy from its spot.

He tucks himself into the rocking chair, settling in and shifting his daughter into his lap. Reaching behind him, he grabs the bright pink throw blanket and drapes it over her, digging his toes into the carpet to gently sway back and forth.

Eliza is enraptured by her dad reading her favorite book to her, eyes wide as she clings to every syllable. She usually falls asleep to it, conditioned from countless nights where it’s been used as a bedtime story, but she’s still fresh from her nap. Besides, she’s having too much fun with this daddy-daughter bonding to be sleepy.

She only gets fussy again once Eddie closes the book, her symptoms more prominent without the distraction of Eddie’s story-telling skills.

“I think it’s time for another dose of medicine, baby girl,” Eddie whispers, trying to appear enthusiastic despite his own waning energy levels.

She downs the syrup easily, so out of sorts that she doesn’t even process its rancid taste until after it’s done. Eddie laughs at her contorted face, plopping down on the couch. “All right, my brave little girl,” he says as he grabs the remote, “what should we watch?”

The mere question brings a tiny spark to Eliza’s eyes, giving her just enough energy to bounce in her dad’s lap and point at the TV. “Mermah!”

“The Little Mermaid again?”

Eliza nods and Eddie internally groans. It’s a cute movie, but he’s pretty sure he could recite it line for line at this point.

“Okay, let’s go under the sea,” he says as he starts the movie from the beginning, settling in to listen to Sebastian belt out “Under the Sea” for the umpteenth time.

Still curled up into his chest, no indication of moving anytime soon, Eliza wipes her runny nose on her dad’s t-shirt. She doesn’t take her eyes off of the screen as she rubs her nose against the soft cotton with a sniffle.

“Thanks, kid.”

“Welcuh.”

Eliza settles her head on the middle of her father’s chest and watches the different colored fish and sea life all gather together at the concert for King Triton. Eddie doesn’t really pay attention, mostly just focusing on how the little girl’s breathing is sounding and trying to keep her body supported up against his.

But Eddie’s ears perk up when a familiar little voice joins in with the singing on screen. Ariel is singing “Part of Your World” and there’s a small, congested mumble singing alongside her. Eddie grins to himself as he listens to his daughter’s rendition.

“Schingamabobs? Gots twenny. Bu’ who cawes? No bih deal. I wan’ mooooooo.”

All the times Eddie insisted on singing to Eliza while she was in your womb have seemed to pay off. She’s a little musical prodigy after his own heart.

“You wanna be a mermaid, Lize?” Eddie asks her softly. She nods in response, never taking her eyes off of the television screen.

Eddie half-heartedly watches the movie with her from that point forward. When it comes to the scene of Ariel using a fork as a comb for her hair at the dinner table, Eliza reaches up and begins to play with her own hair. Silky brown curls slip through her little fingers as she absentmindedly strokes her locks. Eddie would love to know what’s going on inside her head right now. Is she thinking of trying to use a fork as a comb? When Eliza brings a few pieces of her hair in front of her face to study, Eddie has another thought. He wonders if she wants to have the same red hair as her favorite Disney princess. To show her that he loves her hair just the way it is, Eddie presses a few soft kisses to the top of her head.

As the movie progresses, Eliza becomes stiller on Eddie’s chest, and she’s not made a peep in a while. Her father watches her tiny back move up and down and sees it’s going in a slow, steady rhythm. As if to further prove his suspicion that she’s asleep, the sounds of her stuffy snores reach Eddie’s ears, making him smile.

Eliza stirs a bit, wiggling around in an attempt to get comfortable in a new position. Eddie gently wraps his arm around her to rub her little back in calming circles. Within seconds, she’s out like a light again.

“Daddy’s always gonna be here for you, Liza Bean,” he murmurs against her scalp, sweaty from fever. He takes a deep breath and settles in.

Neither he nor Eliza wake when you return home, both of them sound asleep on the couch. The kitchen is a mess; there’s a random piece of sandwich on the floor and a melted lemon Italian ice on the table, but clean-up can wait for a moment.

You watch the two of them breathe in tandem, heart soaring at the way your daughter curls up into her dad with all the love and trust in the world.

Fatherhood looks perfect on him, you think, but wrinkle your nose upon further inspection, but the booger stains on his shirt definitely do not.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #AYW #AYWS

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trans-axolotl · 7 months ago

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I think the reason psychosis is always viewed as a crisis by non-schizo effected people is cause neurotypical people are always told and believe that an episode of psychosis is the most terrifying thing that could happen. Like at least from my experience, descriptions, talks, and depictions of psychosis is AS something that's deathly scary to not know (and assumably never again know) what's real and what isn't, some depictions showing any episodes as worse than death. Like obviously that's not true but it stays with people; the telling of "it's the worst thing that could ever happen everytime" and definitely made the first few times I dealt with psychosis and hallucinations a lot worse and a lot scarier

yeah! so much of the messaging around psychosis and schizophrenia is so fucking dangerous because of the way it continually reinforces these ideas that psychosis is always terrifying, life-ending, and the worst case scenario. like that can have materially dangerous impacts on the lives of people living with psychosis/altered states. i think that kind of stigmatizing messaging about psychosis really demobilizes people in our communities and convinces people that they don't have the capability to support their loved ones with psychosis, and instead creates this idea that "professionals" are the only ones who could ever actually support someone through psychosis. and that leads to so much more forced institutionalization, pathologization, violence towards people experiencing psychosis, and just really a lack of the kind of proactive community support that could actually help prevent some kinds of crisis and distress.

i think it also makes it really hard for us, when we start experiencing psychosis/altered states for the first time, because there's really no framework for us to understand and cope with our experiences beyond just "this is the worst thing ever and there's no options for me." i think it creates a lot of forced shame and secrecy, as well as pushing a lot of us into more intense crisis because we have nowhere to go to get support. and like, when you google this half the shit that comes up tells you to call 911 immediately, and when you're someone who can't do that because it's dangerous for you, you're just left with no fucking options or getting pushed into treatment options that don't respect your autonomy.

i wish there was a lot more recognition that psychosis/altered states are something that can happen to anyone, and actually do happen to a lot more people to varying degrees and in different contexts. that psychosis is something that it is possible to live fulfilling and meaningful lives with. that you don't need to be an expert to support someone living with psychosis/altered states. and that there is so many ways of living with psychosis, and that antipsychotics and therapy are not the only options, and should never be a forced option. i also have so many thoughts about how desperately we need informed consent for antipsychotic medications and how fucking mad i am about the amount of information that is withheld from psychotic people about the side effects of our meds, the withdrawal experience, dosages, other options, etc etc etc.

anyway i just really recommend that everyone, whether you're someone who experiences psychosis/altered states or not, learns more about psychosis and do the work to challenge all these internalized myths we learn from society and the psych system. i highly recommend checking out the hearing voices network, and also really recommend Project LETS anticarceral altered states training to learn more ways to help support yourself and your loved ones.

thanks for this ask, i really agree with what you're saying!

#asks #psychosis #mad liberation #psych abolition

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jellycrusher · 1 year ago

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Wolves and Lambs: Part 4

Alpha Max Verstappen x Omega fem!driver

Genre: Series, Omega verse, Enemies to Lovers, Romance, Eventual smut

Summary: Male Alphas are the ones who dominate motor sports all around the world, especially Formula 1. It is a well known fact. Females in general nor Female Omegas are never heard nor encouraged to join the sport since the 1950s. Well, up until now...

Word Count: 5.8k

Chapter's Premise: y/n finds herself trying to come to terms on who she is and how she avoided her heat for so long.

Parts: W&L masterlist / general masterlist

"You heard the doctor. You have to stop taking your suppressants for a while." Megan takes the prescription sheet from your hands and shoves it in her bag.

Both of you just came out from the doctor's office. Megan was meticulous in giving you a disguise just in case anyone is going to spot you. You put your head down and hide in your little canopy of protection, your Aston Martin hat. A bit obvious but it's the only one you have at the moment.

"I can't. If it comes during a race weekend, I'm dead." You reply as you walk side by side with Megan, confined by the hospital walls.

"Ay Dios Mio. Your constant intake of suppressants may be the reason why you haven't had your first heat yet at 25 years old. We don't know if there's gonna be negative side effects on your health." Megan tries her best to whisper under her breath.

"Hey, that's not proven." You halt in your steps and turn to her, lifting your head up to face her.

"But the doc says it may be a factor. You can't keep it hidden forever. It has to come sooner or later. If it comes biting your ass, don't come running to me for help."

"I don't want to be confined on what biology or society dictates me to be. I want to prove to everyone first what I can do and who I am." You continue to walk.

"I understand. I just don't want something bad to happen to you." She groaned.

"Fine. If I win a race, then i'll start tapering my dosage. I'll let it come when it wants to come."

"When you win a podium, not a race. Better odds."

"Fine. A podium."

You felt like you've been basking in the sun, warm against your skin. You didn't want to look at yourself. For every second after that encounter in the elevator until now that you've stayed frozen behind the door of your room, everything was silent.

Your body was fighting your mind. You didn't want this. For so many years, your family and friends, who knew what you really are, told you that we're all bound to meet our mate. We'll know when we meet them.

No. You don't want to. Maybe just not right now. Yes, it's romantic to see couples who are mated and are having the time of their lives. But what if they fell for another person before they met their mate? And what if they refuse their Alpha? What would happen?

Right now, you just want to succeed in this career first. Call yourself stupid for going against your biological desires but there's a lot riding on this. Your parents sacrificed a lot just to get where you are right now. You want to prove that Omegas can also achieve greatness. Female Omegas can also stand in the halls of the greats.

Maybe you're just stubborn. Meeting your mate wouldn't be the end of the world. If you give in, you won't lose anything. Maybe.

Maybe you're just overthinking. Maybe you're being too stubborn.

Max is not a bad person. You've said it yourself before. He is actually a decent guy. Well, just from your text messages but there were no deep conversations yet. You don't love him to see him as your mate. You might learn to love him but it doesn't feel right for your feelings to be swayed just because your biological desires him so.

You barely slept a wink last night. The inkling that bothered you for a few weeks now since the first race have just been confirmed, and the fact that Max left you a lot of messages that you haven't read yet made your mind in a state of disarray.

Megan barged in your room to wake you up. She even had to throw the covers off the bed and furiously opened the curtains, blinding you with the beaming sun. You groan hard as she pulls you out of the comfort of your bed.

"I can't believe this. We're late! Ay Santo Dios..." Megan continued to mention a lot of words that you were not familiar with as she looks at your commitments for the day from her phone screen.

It only took a few moments and the both of you are now on your merry way to the circuit with you being the driver. Megan was still very furious at you for you haven't given her a reason for your tardiness. At the same time, your phone was still blowing up from Max's messages.

"I've had it with your ringtone. I'll set it to silent." Megan pulls your phone from the center console and sees '50 messages' beside the name 'He Who Must Be Avoided At All Times' on the screen.

"It's fine, leave it." You're barely able to look at Megan because you had to focus on the road.

"Who's this? Is there a guy bothering you? Stalking you?!" she asks.

"No. Just leave it." With eyes still glued to the road, you try to yank the phone off her hands.

"Tell me. Is it a stalker?! 'Cause if it is, i'll kill him." She warned.

"Please no. Relax, it's not a stalker." You assured in a calm tone as she hands the phone to you.

"Y/N. If you're in a dangerous situation and you're not telling me, your mom will kill me." She appealed.

Well, that's not impossible. These two are overprotective.

"Megan..." You paused. Megan patiently waits for your answer as you drum your fingers anxiously on the wheel. "It's Max."

"Oh, Max... Wait, who's Max? from Red Bull?" Megan rambles. "Why? Did he do anything to you?"

"He did nothing. It's just.. He found out last night that I was an Omega. I've been avoiding his texts since then." You confessed, tightening your grip on the wheel.

"How? You were always careful."

"That's the thing. I was. I'm still on my suppressants." You gently scratch the surface of the wheel. "Remember when you told me how you met your husband? Your mate?"

"Yes." Megan now replied slowly, now under a notion at where the conversation is going. "Oh my god! Is he..?"

"I think so." you confessed.

Megan was about to shriek from joy but she stopped for she knew how you would respond. For her, it sounds romantic. For you, it's not. She can't count how many times your rejected the idea of having a biological mate. It wasn't against the law of anybody to love somebody else aside your fated mate but for your body to act against your will regardless of what you feel. That's what you dislike about it.

"I still have to talk to him about it. I can't have him blabbering to everyone on the grid." You added. "Let's take this one step at a time."

"You still have a race later. Better focus on that first." She replies as she takes off her seatbelt when you arrived at the car park in the circuit.

Megan hauled you to the team hospitality to prepare you for the drivers' briefing. When you arrived at the briefing hall, majority of the drivers were already seated and the team principals were standing around in a circle, chatting. You stood by the door looking for an empty seat to take when you saw Charles, Oscar, and Lando calling you to take the seat they reserved for you on the third row. Your feet took a few steps when a hand suddenly but gently caught your wrist.

"We need to talk. You've been ignoring my texts." Max urged, eyes dead straight at you.

"Max, not here. Later." You scan the room for any eyes or ears that might eavesdrop as you carefully remove his hand from you.

Max takes a second to compose himself then tugs his hand through his hair. "Fine. Sit with me then."

"I'll choose my own seat. Thank you." You replied as you walk away from him, not giving him enough time to add more. Max's hand hovered uncertainly as if to stop you but he lets his hand limp

You strut farther into the hall and the three men gave you space to stride along the third row to take your seat between Charles and Oscar. Max took an empty seat on the first row beside Checo. He can't help but steal some glances in your direction during the driver's briefing.

It was hard to ignore Max as well. One good thing that your incident with Max has caused is that his scent doesn't make you cower in fear anymore. Knowing the reason why the dynamics between the two of you had changed, you mentally slap your pheromone-disturbed self from inhaling his lingering scent.

His scent wasn't really distinct before. For you, it was associated with fear or something menacing, but now he smelled so crisp like Cotton and sweet like baked Tangerine. Being that close to each other gave you a chance to actually distinguish his scent. Just remembering Max's small sniffs on your neck makes your body squirm, in a good way. It was nice and comforting. But it also felt sensual.

Alpha smells so good. Let's smell him once more. You mentally slap yourself once more, shaking off the tiny voice from your inner Omega in your head.

"I heard from Lance that you're moving. Where will you stay?" Charles' voice took you out from your trance just as the drivers' briefing just ended.

"In Monaco. It being a tax-free haven sounds enticing." you replied in glee knowing that it was the Monegasque who asked you.

Noticing the other younger drivers to turn to you after hearing your response, it took a moment for you to remember that a number of them were living there.

Lando perks up, legs bouncing. He leans forward and peeked his head across Oscar. "Do you know how to play Padel?" you shake your head. "We'll teach you. We had been waiting for another member to join our little club."

"He just wants to have the bragging right when he defeats all of us." Oscar chuckled, arms crossed on his chest.

"He even almost made Max cry. Have some mercy on all of us, will you?" Charles adds, further teasing Lando.

"I'll tell you when I've settled in. Maybe a housewarming lunch or dinner sounds good?" You ask. Lando quickly taps Alex's shoulder to tell him about your new residence and a possibility of a new member for their F1 drivers-exclusive Padel Club.

"I'm going to tour you to some of the best places. You still owe me a car ride." Charles couldn't help but smile at you, already making up a list in his mind.

When the briefing ended, all of the drivers went their own way back to their hospitalities. At the corner of your eyes, you saw Max hurriedly stood up from his seat on the first row and was about to make his way towards you. He noticed the miniscule squirm your body did when your eyes met. You almost panic in your seat but he came to an abrupt stop when he saw Megan pull you away.

Max tried his best to look for a chance to talk to you, much to his dismay. There wasn't much time for each of the drivers to get to interact with each other, especially during race day. After some of his media commitments in the morning were done, he went to visit the Aston Martin hospitality. He comes up to the small ledge when he saw Lance chatting with some of the staff.

"Hey Lance." Lance gets up from his seat when he noticed Max and greets him with a one-armed hug and a double backslap. "Have you seen y/n?"

"I think Sky Sports has her for an interview, I think. You know, the usual." Lance replies as he sits down. Max groans go unnoticed.

"Do you know when she might be free? I need to talk to her." Max asks as he leans his hand on the ledge.

"Maybe after the race? Her schedule's so full today. Haven't even seen her stay here in the hospitality for more than 15 minutes. Megan even got her shooting a lot of content for our Tiktok account."

"Megan?" Max quirks up his eyebrow.

"Speaking of..." Lance chimed in as he spots Megan behind Max, about to walk inside. "Megan!" She stops and turns to Lance's direction. "He's looking for y/n." He points at Max and Megan's eyes follow.

Megan thought differently when she saw Max right there, comfortably leaning on the ledge. It was in her overprotective instinct to assume that Max might possibly be a snitch or asking anyone in the team regarding what you are. She walks up to Max and asked him to come with her, already walking away without waiting for a response. Max was confused at first but did not hesitate to follow behind.

Max and Megan comes to a halt in an empty corner in the paddock, away from prying eyes.

"What are you doing?" Megan snaps around and narrows her eyes at him, arms crossed on her chest.

"I was just asking for y/n." Max innocently confessed.

"Were you going to tell on her? I can't believe you." She leans forward as if interrogating the driver.

Max leans back, baffled by the sudden change in demeanor. "No. Of course not... Wait, you know?" He tries to whisper.

She tries to examine his face for a minute for any sign of a lie but relaxes when she felt that he was telling the truth. "Listen, Max. I know she's been avoiding you but I need her to be at her best today. She needs to be on that podium."

"Don't we all?" Max scoffs.

"No, you don't understand. I need her to be on the podium because her health is on the line. I've let her be stubborn for too long 'cause she's in love with racing too much but I finally had her to agree, at last. I don't know what's going on between the two of you but please don't distract her too much today." She pleads with a serious tone.

Max hated knowing that it wasn't his place to pry. All he wanted from you was answers but it seems that even more questions are piling up. What does she mean? Your health is on the line? Are you sick? Are you injured? How is it connected to you getting that podium?

His inner Alpha was trying to fight himself.

Our omega... She's hurt or sick. Ask for more information. No, we're clearly told to stay put. She's not ours. Isn't it clear that she's avoiding us? Than ask her directly. Let's smell her again. No. Just shut up. Stay.

"Understood?" Megan asserts herself, taking Max out of his trance.

"Yes ma'am."

Megan waited for a bit to see how Max would take their conversation but left quickly when she saw that people are now starting to crowd the paddock. Max stayed in that quiet corner for a few seconds before going out into the paddock. There he saw you, sitting just outside your team's hospitality with Alonso and surrounded by a few cameras and staff. Probably completing a challenge with your teammate. His eyes locked onto you, taking in your smile. It was invigorating for him to see you having fun.

He used to feel so foreign around you. When he sees you having fun with his friends, it irritated him. His face used to turn sour when Lando or Alex hype you up.

There was something about you that intrigues him. You weren't able to race with most of them back then. Charles was a bit familiar with you because you got to race alongside his brother. Oscar and Logan had only met you once or twice and they had raced with you in a few Grand Prix but usually a lot of drivers keep to themselves and stayed in their own garages.

Then there's the big elephant in the room. You were an Omega, no doubt. After the incident in the elevator, he did scour the internet after his haze faded when he got back in his room. There were only articles about you stating that you were an Alpha, your achievements in F2 and F3, and also the highlights of your racing career. No scandals, not much haters. There were no articles claiming you have a bad beef with any driver.

For a public personality, you kept pretty quiet. Maybe that's why no one has discovered your secret yet. But that would be an extreme feat. To conceal your identity. What about heats? The horrendous and taxing schedule of Formula 1 isn't really ideal for Omegas. He recalled when Lando had to deal with Oscar's heat every month. When they were still unmated, Lando had to tiptoe around Oscar and avoid him when his pheromones were on the highest setting. How the other drivers reacted to him when it came around race weekend. It took them at least 5 months to come to the truth that they needed each other.

It was a bit easier for Oscar because everyone knows that he is an Omega since the start. They knew they had to avoid him when Lando or Oscar gave them a heads up. It scares him thinking that it will be much harder for you but it was also amazing how good you hide it.

Questions for another day, he admits to himself.

You were having a blast going against Nando in a PR competition when you spot Max walking through the paddock. Your eyes met and it made you nervous that he might come up and wait for you but no, he avoided your eyes and continued to walk. Your eyes followed his figure, relieved but also worried. Fernando had to call your attention to continue the challenge.

Your PR and media commitments were finally done and then, there was the driver's parade. The crowds in the grandstands were almost full and it was deafening. Everyone was screaming each of the drivers' names when they were called and when it was your turn to be introduced, it was heartwarming to hear their warm welcome. A smile so wide painted your face as you greet the driver while stepping in the convertible car and sat on the surface of the rear end near the deck lid.

You waited for your car's cue to go but you see it got delayed. There were a slight commotion amongst the staff that were on standby on the track and they were pointing to something behind you. You turn around and they were checking the car behind yours that was supposed to be for Max. Apparently, the engine of his parade car won't start again.

Fernando's car already left way before you and also Checo's. The staff are now pointing at yours and you see that the people who were talking to Max assisted him to get off the car. They were ushering him to your direction. Someone slapped Max's car number onto the side of your convertible. You now realize that they're letting you and Max share a car so that this problem won't delay the program.

The car shook slightly as Max climbs up the convertible. Max sees you scooting to one side trying to avoid his eyes so he quietly sat down on the other side of the convertible's rear. Both of you started to wave to the crowd as the engine of the convertible purred. Max would steal a few glances when you're not looking. Your body was stiff and awkward, in contrast to what you were showing the crowd, smiling and waving.

"Relax. It's not like I bite." Max spoke up just loud enough for you to hear under all those noise. "Just concentrate on the race later or else, you'll be an easy target for these guys."

You snap your head around and glared at him. He had this smug smile while still waving. "They wish." You scoff.

With just a few words from him, you find your shoulders loosening up. Slightly offended by his insinuation but you knew that he was just riling you up. It was also surprising that Max didn't bother to disturb you since the briefing. You would be at shoulder's length but still, he'd just nod when your eyes met.

The drivers' parade ended quickly and every driver headed for their respective garages to prepare. You spent the remaining time training with your physio and getting enough rest. The last program was for the national anthem. You make your way onto the track and answered a few questions for a Sky Sports presenter who was roaming and interviewing some of the drivers. You stood behind a grid kid to take your place and kept quiet. Right before the anthem was played, you noticed the female grid kid trying to steal a look at you. You smile back at her and she quietly squealed as she swiftly face in front. When the anthem finished playing and as you follow the other drivers exiting the track, your grid kid raised her hand to request for a high five. You gladly pressed your palm on hers and the other grid kids also eagerly raised their hand as you pass by them, catching the attention of the other drivers and the cameras.

You find yourself gritting your teeth and hands clenching the wheel as you drive the car in your grid position at the track during the formation lap. You look up at the red lights above.

"It's lights out and away we go, here at the Jeddah Corniche Circuit! and it's Max Verstappen who takes the lead of the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix."

With a good reaction time, you were able to overtake three places from 15th. You were able to fend for your position well in those crucial first few laps of the race. You attacked, you defended, you attacked, you defended. It was a constant cycle.

Max, who had started in pole position, lost the lead to Charles on the third sector in the second lap, won it back by the fourth lap and slowly and methodically pulled away for his second win of the season.

It took you only eight laps to move into 10th place, and only eight more to rise to sixth. By the halfway point of the race, and helped by the fortuitous arrival of a safety car that allowed you to make up even more ground, you find yourself in fourth.

"Y/n had played down her chances of victory from the moment a broken drive shaft ended her qualifying early Saturday and left her in 15th place. But that did not mean she had any intention of staying in the back of the field. Look at her picking her way through the pack behind her with ease"

Your driving style was aggressive and clever, a total beast on the offence. The journalists have also made note of your tyre preservation prowess. They have published a few articles after the first race mentioning that with your pairing with Alonso this year, Aston Martin can gain considerable confidence that it will be regularly able to take on the red cars and the black ones fielded by Mercedes too.

At around lap 46, Ben informs you through the radio that Lewis who is in P3 at the moment incurred a 5 second penalty. With Charles on P2 just 2 seconds ahead of Lewis and you tailing behind just a second away, there might be a chance for you to end up on the podium at the end of this race. You just have to maintain the gap behind Lewis and also for Lewis to continue battling with Charles.

Ben: "So, one more lap y/n, just bring it home." Y/N: "Think something happened to my left tyre." Ben: "Ok, copy. So Sainz, 30 seconds behind, battling with Russell."

You peek at your front left tyre and it was starting to wobble. You may have hit something on the track, possibly puncturing the tyre.

Ben: "If you go Diff-Mid 12, Sainz 20 seconds and gap to Lewis is 2 seconds." Ben: "Now 17 seconds. Now 16 seconds."

The car was already slowing down and the left tyre was tumbling around on its rim. Ben was constantly updating you but you did not bother to respond.

Ben: "So use Strat 5. 10 seconds to Sainz and 3 seconds from Lewis." Ben: "7 seconds to Sainz. 6 seconds to Sainz." Ben: "Maintain this gap to Lewis. 4 seconds."

You've passed the last corner and about to go on the straight where the chequered flag should be when you saw Sainz closely tailing behind you. With your feet instinctively pushing flat out, your car zoomed past and hopefully closing the gap with Lewis in less than 5 seconds for P3 position.

Y/N: "Do we have it?! TELL ME BEN, DO WE HAVE IT??" Ben: "That's it, y/n! You've done it, P3! YOU'VE DONE IT! Wow, you've done it y/n." Y/N: "Was there a flag? I did not see it." Ben: "There was a flag. You've done it though. Just stop. You can pull the car over. We'll come and get you." Y/N: "Fuck that was close! Sorry for the profanity." Ben: "Yeah, I was about to say the same thing. That was a close call. Too close for comfort. But awesome work, mate." Y/N: "LET'S GO!!!!! BEN, WE DID IT!!!"

Your team radio is now being broadcasted across all tv screens worldwide. As Max and the other drivers complete their slow lap around the track after they've crossed the line, they catch a glimpse of you in the screens. Throwing your hands in celebration, still inside the cockpit. When you got out of the car at the side of the track, you knelt down and pats the damaged tyre aggressively as if thanking the car.

You had to do your best as not to cry from overwhelming joy. You felt like you won the race for P3 but you didn't. It was as if you were soaring through the clouds right then. The crowds at the grandstands were screaming your name, fireworks were setting off in the background. That was for Max, of course, but it couldn't hurt to imagine that it could be for you too.

You were picked up by a safety car and your car was towed to the parc ferme. When you got out of the car, Oscar jumped at the moment to wrap you in a hug, Lando following behind.

Warm and sincere congratulations, pats on the backs and helmet taps too, were sent over your way when you threw yourself to your team of mechanics and engineers who were waiting on the other side of the barricade. You took off your helmet and balaclava so you could properly breathe and to revel in the sounds of your victory.

You were the first one who had to do the post-race interview, followed by Charles in P2 and Max in P1. You couldn't contain your smile, choking on your words yet again.

"Y/n!" David Coulthard calls out your name in joy. "That was an amazing race. You had your maiden pole last race and now, your maiden F1 podium after just 2 races in this season. Could you tell me more?"

"With the information of Lewis' 5 second penalty, I had to give everything on the table. I've never had a race like that before. We tried to maintain the gap but also had to monitor Carlos behind as well. It was a team effort and I couldn't have done it without them."

"Your last lap had us trembling in our seats. You managed to bring home your car across the line in that state. How did you do it?" David asked with such enthusiasm.

"I don't know how I've managed to be cool in that period but I just... I had no choice. Survival instincts came over me and I've come all this way. I'm not gonna pull over and back off to let anyone drive pass. I was thinking 'How can I get there with taking as much risks as possible without losing the car altogether?'. I still can't believe I did it." You try to take a few deep breaths after you finished your interview, still reeling in from that feeling of accomplishment.

Max and Charles pats your back as the three of you walked towards the cooldown room. The huge screen showing the highlights of the race, including your tyre mishap and struggle to cross the finish line for P3. Charles hands you a water bottle and you took it, not peeling your eyes away from the screen. If you only had your phone, you would take a photo of the small pillar with a huge number 3 and a small screen playing your driver intro bit.

The three of you are now ushered to prepare for the podium ceremony. Your feet was quick to move after your name was called. The crowd roared with applause and cheers as you made your way up the podium. You stood patiently on your step as you hear Charles' and Max's name. Despite feeling a bit flushed due to the adrenaline from winning P3, your cheeks felt a bit cold as you place your hands on the side of your face.

Your race suit now wet from the champagne being sprayed amongst the podium placers. Charles and Max were having fun targeting you, spraying the champagne at your face. They both admired your blissful smile and eyes filled with euphoria.

"Champagne suits you. Congratulations y/n!" Max can't help but admit to himself that you were an excellent racer. Your expression softened when you heard him and it's like Max's heart skipped a beat.

"Thanks Max. Congratulations on winning!" As if the champagne rain slowed down, it was just you and Max. The stage lights made the champagne sparkle, trickling down on both of you. He never saw anyone be so ecstatic in getting P3 but you made celebrating look so beautiful and graceful.

You watched Max's face as he shared a smile with you but not a second later, you could clearly see the horror in his face as his body stiffen.

"Y/n, your nose." Charles cocks his head to the side of Max, inconspicuously pointing to his nose, prompting you to do the same. Your hand crept up to your face and it was met by a warm liquid oozing down your nose. When you swiped it off, you saw blood on your fingertips.

Max was quick to turn you around, shielding you from the cameras. You try to wipe your nose with your arm but the blood can't seem to stop.

"Are you okay? What's wrong? Do you want us to call the medics?" Max whispers in panic, still spraying the champagne at Charles and towards the crowd below as he shields you behind him. To the people below and in the crowd, it was as if you're just wiping the champagne off your face.

"Relax. It's just a nosebleed. This will pass." You whispered, still trying to wipe off the remaining blood. The sleeve of your green suit now tinted red. "What the heck, it's not stopping."

"Y/n, I think the cameramen are now noticing." Charles' eyes darted to the cameramen below and above.

"I've been a bit more anemic lately. I think that's why." You murmured.

"When Megan told me that your health is compromised, is this it?" Max leans to your side a bit, still facing front and waving to the crowd.

"You talked to her? What did she tell you?!" You glared at Max, surprising the two men.

"Y/n, Max, can you two talk about it later? We're still on the podium." Charles cleared his throat.

You slightly nudged Max away from you, not noticed by the crowd, while you pinch your nose and cover your face. Max can't help but stare in concern at your figure. His inner Alpha wanting to carry you and rush to medic's tent.

Then the ceremony ended.

"Y/n, come on. I haven't told him much, I promise. I just told him to leave you alone that day." Megan pleaded as she follows you while carrying a large box filled with your household items.

You open the door to let Megan in but you avoid her eyes. She darts across the empty unit, footsteps echoing along the walls, to place the box labeled 'Kitchen Items' down on the floor. You sighed, accepting defeat, as you drop the huge bag of items that you were carrying.

"Fine, but next time, stop telling him unnecessary information."

"Hey, your health was not an unnecessary information. I'm just glad you're fine now. I told you that your prolonged use of suppressants will eventually bite you in the ass." She rambled.

"Yes, yes. You gotta stop scolding me. It's been like a thousand times already." You groaned. "I got the podium and I'm on a suppressant detox. Happy?"

"Yes. I'm working on your schedule just in case it came early." Megan skips across the unit and stopped near the door. "I'll get the last box. You can stay here just in case the delivery company calls through the intercom." She exits the unit after you nod your head.

The empty huge apartment unit was now filled with unopened boxes. There were no furnitures yet but the anticipation of decorating your new home is making you excited. Wood and cured paint scent filled the air. It was relaxing for you but after a while, it's actually nauseating so you open the door to the balcony.

Coldness of the elegant granite greeted your arms as you lean against it. Your apartment is located in a spot overlooking the marina where you can spot plentiful yachts. With just a soft breeze, you could almost smell the sea. Even with your eyes closed, you could vividly visualize the city below you from its sound. The hustle and bustle of Monaco.

Closing your eyes for a few seconds made you yawn. You are still recovering from that horrific anemic bout during the podium ceremony in the Saudi Arabian Grand Prix. The team had to recommend you to a local hospital for a check up and was just given a prescription. You took a flight out the next day and went straight to "Moving Out" mode. It hasn't been two days since the race but here you are, renting a luxurious apartment in Monaco, about to live your best life.

"Looks like you could fit a head in your mouth." You heard a familiar warm voice coming from above your balcony. When you opened your eyes, there was someone peeking their head out of their balcony and looking down below at you, apparently still yawning. You closed your mouth in embarrassment.

"Max?!"

"Hi neighbor!"

Next part: Part 5

Taglist: @laura-naruto-fan1998 @fanboyluvr @giffywiffy3408 @notyouraveragemochii @cmleitora @exotic-iris13 @topguncultleader @mirrorball-6 @barcelonaloverf1life @silscintilla @aquangxl @whyamireadingthis @imaddict

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girl-failure · 9 months ago

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Transwoman needs answers

this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.

I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.

I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.

On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or

that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.

So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.

Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe

#trans #transgender #trans woman #help #please help #trans crowdfund #trans fundraiser #mtf hrt #hrt #hormones

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heepthecheep · 10 months ago

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There is so much medical misinformation on Tumblr that people take at face value and it's kind of fascinating but also really fucking bad

Off the top of my head?

- drugs; prescription, OTC or recreational can absolutely have an effect on your health. Dosages aren't suggestions and neither is stuff like "don't take with alcohol" or "don't operate heavy machinery"

-in addition to the last point, addiction is real and not something made up by your parents to keep you from doing weed in highschool. It can take different forms

- don't take other people's prescriptions. Again, with the dosage thing, expiration dates, and especially not antibiotics

-speaking of which, antibiotic resistant infections (ie. MRSA, ERSA) are caused by not finishing your prescription of antibiotics or taking antibiotics inappropriately (ie. When you have a viral infection) (and there are other issues too but these are probably the main ones that are most relevant to a layman) and are not caused by "antivaxxers" (seriously, I've seen this argument applied to the covid vaccine. A vaccine for a virus that no doctor would treat with antibiotics- not the mention that MRSA is literally referring to Staph Aureus)

-just because a disease is uncommon or "extinct" in your part of the world doesn't actually mean it is. Pathogens have animal and environmental reservoirs. Similarly, diseases that have been eradicated in your well developed and wealthy part of the world still kill people in places that aren't as wealthy and/or developed. The only diseases that are actually extinct are Smallpox and Rinderpest- and no, the parents who think vaccines cause autism aren't going to cause them to come back

-your weight, diet and lifestyle ABSOLUTELY affect your health.

-people on Tumblr seem to have some weird vendetta against doctors ordering blood work, but it's an absolutely valid and important screening and/or diagnostic test, and is helpful in monitoring many conditions

-Puberty, pregnancy and aging are natural processes that are not inherently harmful. Furthermore, people on Tumblr act as if pregnancy is the most dangerous thing in the world...while blaming the process itself and not the shitty, abusive and corrupt obstetrics community (or they point to history (and focus entirely on Europe) and act like issue is the process and not the ignorance towards germ theory, lack of or misunderstanding of hygiene, not understanding how women work, etc)

-hormones control a lot in your body and aren't just your sex hormones. They exist before you're even born and continue to exist after puberty ends.

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fireheartedpup · 1 month ago

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Okay. So. Ashwaganda.

I lost the post about the supplement from a troll company that was marketing it as hormone replacement therapy. The doses were high enough to send you into serotonin syndrome, and it doesn't replace estrogen. It encourages your body to make the hormones it's already making.

This was in 2023, and the website quickly vanished after backlash.

The thing is, ashwaganda is a mood stabilizer. I'm wondering if it's possible to feel better before the serotonin syndrome. Is the dosage high enough that you feel funny immediately, or does it seem like life is so good that this miracle pill couldn't possibly be bad for you?

Once it starts, it sounds like torture. I'm just wondering about the lead up. The poster who was quoted on that post said that ashwaganda taken in that dosage could cause it in "as little as a month," so what does the lead up feel like?

I don't take medication, so I haven't worried too much about interactions. That said, it's good to know that it can conflict with medications for blood pressure, thyroid, sleep, immunosuppression, and diabetes.

This is mostly because it has similar effects--so again, too much can tip you over from "this helps" to "this is a threat to my safety."

There are other natural things that raise serotonin levels, like ginkgo, and I thought they were mentioned in one of links I included but I can find the paragraph I'm thinking of.

...this could be due to the fact that ginseng can also raise serotonin levels, and I might have misremembered it.

Probiotics, vitamin D, and fish oil can also raise serotonin, as can tryptophan and exercise. Rhodiola is another adaptogen that can help with things like ADHD, and St. John's Wort is also on that list.

There's a lot. I actually left out green tea and turmeric. Oh, and 5-htp. That one I'm careful with. It makes me feel drugged.

Coffee and artificial sweeteners can decrease serotonin, so I'm not terribly bothered. If it's not consumed in high doses or alongside something it shouldn't be combined with, it should be okay.

I'm also not consistent with anything, and in the case of the supplements where it's better to take breaks instead of simply continuing to take them every single day for a long period of time, this works for me.

The thing that made me take a second look at adaptogens in general is that my period is almost a week late.

Remember how it adjusts your hormones? Yeah, a lot of people have this reaction--and it can make your period lighter. I'm mostly finding anecdotes from reddit, but there is a study about it helping with perimenopause.

My periods have never been super consistent. I have a rough idea of when they're going to come, but the cycle isn't exact. So this doesn't bother me a ton, but it's enough for some people to want to switch to an alternative method of controlling things like anxiety.

I'm already questioning whether my hormones are out of whack or not, so that's part of it.

I just think it's interesting. "Natural alternatives" are marketed as safer, without side effects. My experience has been that no matter what you do, you're throwing spaghetti at a wall to see what sticks--and you still need to look up everything you take to see if it's going to interact with anything else.

It would be nice if going to a doctor fixed this problem. Unfortunately, I've read too many stories about patients having to look things up for themselves, even after going to doctor after doctor.

It's like the pegboard with red string.

Anyway. My takeaway is still that what will fix your problems is appropriate treatment for your body. Unfortunately, this is different for everyone, and pretty much requires you to make a lifelong study of what to take and what the side effects are--no matter if you're taking supplements or drugs.

I'm still on the adaptogen train because I don't have to beg a doctor for help or make an appointment or beg a doctor to listen to me when it turns out that I need a change in my treatment plan or get registered as "really, she needs this" in order to get the thing that will help me.

I'm just. You know. Wondering. About what this is going to mean for my period going forward.

(And I'm going to have to research every single other thing I'm taking to see what the crossovers are.)

IMPORTANT: Ashwaganda can cause spontaneous abortion. Do not listen to anyone who says that adaptogens are safe to take during pregnancy. CHECK FIRST.

#like i fully understand ms-demeanor's points about dosage and efficacy but this is something I'm more comfortable with #personal #period talk #adaptogens

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feroshgirlsims · 2 months ago

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Chapter 5.2 - Conspiracies of the Nether Regions

MIKO

“Alright, let’s talk about your stress levels. It’s a huge factor in situations like this,” Dr. Albaz says, “Are you getting enough sleep?”

“Yes,” Miko lies, “And I’m not stressed; I’m just busy, which is why I need more antibiotics.”

Dr. Albaz frowns and sticks a thermometer in Miko’s mouth. “You need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself so your immune system stays strong.”

“I am! I run three days a week.”

"Plus another four until you puke because you think it’s the only way to get rid of me," the voice adds helpfully.

“I do yoga," Miko continues.

"But you can’t get rid of me. And you did yoga once. For the love of magic, quit lying."

“I also try to have vegetables with dinner.”

The voice snorts: "Microwaved burritos are not vegetables."

“Shut up!” Miko hisses and then coughs to cover her outburst.

Dr. Albaz looks up from checking her pulse and appears even more concerned. "What did you say?"

For the first time, Miko worries that she might get into real trouble. Smoothing her expression, she keeps the rest of the conversation in her head.

"I need these antibiotics," she says to the voice, "And if you don’t shut up, this bitch isn’t gonna give us shit!"

"At least you’re acknowledging there’s an us," it sneers, "It’s about time."

Panicked, Miko digs her nails into her hand. "There isn’t supposed to be an us. Sims don’t talk to themselves."

"You’re not a sim," the voice laughs.

Miko’s blood runs cold.

“Is everything alright?” Dr. Albaz repeats. “You seem distracted, dear. You can talk to me about what’s going on.”

For a second, Miko wants to because maybe she’s losing her mind, and this woman can help. But the voice cuts her off. "Don’t say anything! I’ll be quiet."

“Actually, I am a little stressed out," Miko hedges, "I…uh…just broke up with my boyfriend.”

Dr. Albaz doesn’t look like she buys the explanation, but she still walks Miko to the prescription area and gives her half a dosage. “I still think it's more than likely you’re experiencing a mild rebound, and it’ll clear itself up if you can get some rest.”

“I am definitely going to slow down."

After several more assurances that she'll take her rest seriously, Miko limps out the door. But once she reaches the sidewalk, the ache in her bladder hits so hard that she drops to her knees.

She closes her eyes, expecting pain as she hits the pavement, but it never happens.

“Miko?”

Her eyes flash open. Emmett kneels in front of her, his eyebrows drawn in with concern. “Look, I swear I’m not trying to insult you, but you look like you’re five seconds away from passing out.”

“I’m good,” she croaks, “I’m just…I’m…” The word ‘tired’ is on the tip of her tongue, but her pride won’t let her release it.

Emmett shakes his head. “I know you don’t want help, but you need it. So I'm going to walk you to your dorm and you can add it to the list of things you hate about me when you’re done.”

"You don’t hate him," the voice insists.

Miko lets him help her up because the voice is right. She doesn’t hate him.

Not even a little bit.

PREV | NEXT

(Part 2 of 5)

#ts4 #simblr #The Save File Chronicles #Season 1 #the game did not want this uti to go away #POV: Miko Ojo #sorry to miko #weirdly this is a meet cute chapter #TW: voice that seems like intrusive thoughts

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soulsoffairlight · 1 month ago

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Dear ADHD friends, especially my newly diagnosed ones/ those who are just starting out on medications,

I am not a doctor. But I feel that every ADHDer taking medications should know,

Your ADHD medicine may stop working over time. This is called tolerance. It is normal and even to be expected.

Try not to immediately let your doctor up your dosage... and possibly make you feel the need to abuse.

Please, CONSIDER ASKING YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT TOLERATION BREAKS FIRST.

(Toleration breaks without guidance can lead to withdrawal, please be very careful and research the medication you are taking.)

And if you must increase dosage to the max and find yourself growing tolerant,

REMEMBER THAT THERE ARE MANY OPTIONS OUT THERE. YOU DO NOT NEED TO RESORT TO ABUSE.

Drug abuse, in general, is a stigmatized topic, and toleration for prescribed stimulants is something that I believe doesn't get talked about enough.

Your health is far more important than your grades, your work, and anything else your ADHD medicine may assist you with.

Toleration is your brain's response to the effects of stimulants over time. While some people experience it faster than others and it varies from person to person, there's a good chance that everyone taking stimulants will come across it at one point.

But once it happens, it's not the end of the world.

I'm recovering from stimulant abuse, and I NEED you to know, my friend:

The capitalist mindset may make you feel like you need to prioritize your ability to keep up with a neurotypical society over all else, but trust me. Your health comes first. No matter how demanding the world can be for us, you should NEVER risk hurting your body just to satisfy the increasingly harsh expectations of those around you.

Doctors will often immediately resort to upping your dosage in response to toleration. Once you've found your ideal dosage, avoid this unless absolutely necessary. Discuss toleration breaks with your doctor first.

It's a capitalist tactic to up your dosage when it's possibly not necessary with a little bit of breaks and listening to your brain.

By going off your medicine for a certain amount of time, the lack of stimulus may help your brain reduce that tolerance.

I didn't know this because toleration breaks don't get talked about enough.

This is what led me to stimulant abuse.

I kept growing tolerant to my medicines in a couple of weeks. Every time, my psychiatrist upped my dosage.

Eventually, I was at the max dosage. But I grew tolerant yet again.

I felt that I needed to risk my health in order to stay on top of school. So, instead of trying to take a break or getting help from my parents/doctor, I began to combine my medication with heavy energy drinks. Even if it worked, I felt sick. I was nauseous. I was shaky. I vomited. I couldn't eat. I struggled to breathe.

But I continued, and eventually started double dosing.

I became violently angry to the point I lost multiple friends. My stress was at an all-time high to the point where I couldn't sleep at night. I began to lose weight because I couldn't eat due to both loss of appetite and a sudden fear of gaining weight. My physical health got worse and worse. My goal was to get my grades up, but my grades also suffered.

Not long after, my body finally had enough, and I almost had a heart attack.

My parents finally saw through my masking and realized that something was wrong. I was taken to therapy where I got the help I needed.

I was taken off the medications for some time... and yes, I struggled with school. However, with the help of therapy, my parents, and teachers, I was able to make it through.

By the time I took my medicine again at a lower dose, it worked just like it used to. As I continue to heal, toleration breaks help me in ways that I cannot express in words. I've gotten much better thanks to it.

I learned it the hard way.

Stimulant abuse is never the answer. It's not worth it.

Some time without your medicine may be difficult, but trust me. It's far more worth it than risking your health and even life only for it to make everything worse. I'm BLESSED that my situation wasn't worse.

Keep your head high. Know that you are not a working machine, and you are a strong, beautiful human being that can get through this. You may feel belittled by the neurotypical "standards" that our society unfortunately has, but you're worth way beyond that. It's up to you to put your foot forward and have a say in your treatment.

And if you are currently going through stimulant abuse, know that you've got this. It's not your fault. You're completely valid. There is plenty of hope. Seeking help can save your life. Reach out to parents, doctors, school counselors, teachers, family members... ANYONE.

If you don't have anyone you feel you can safely speak to, here are some resources:

US:

UK:

FIND HOTLINE FOR YOUR COUNTRY:

#cw drug abuse #stimulant abuse #stimulants #adhd #psa #tw drug abuse #help is available #adhd help #adhd support #addiction #addiction help #recovering addict #tolerance #important

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sweetspidergirl · 4 months ago

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A Tangled Web (Spider HRT Story)

Chapter 2:

My car pulled up to an empty parking space in front of the local recreation center. The grey, nondescript building was something I really only glimpsed at when passing by during my commute to work, back before I started working from home and started living like a recluse. Maybe if I had gotten myself a membership there I wouldn't have spent most of my adult life wallowing in my own regret and self-hatred, and wouldn't have needed to change my species.

Therian Support Group, Every other Monday at 6 PM! Snacks and drinks provided! Temp. is 72°F/22°C! Those questioning are also welcome!

The flyer sitting beside me in the passenger seat read the same information it had when I first received it last year, complete with the same image of a black dragon therian giving a thumbs up in approval. I had been putting off going to the support group for a good two weeks since my appointment with Dr. Erian. Part of it was because of the holiday season and assuming no one would be there during that time, but the bigger reason behind my reluctance was the fear of what everyone there would think of me. I had no knowledge on therian culture apart from the occasional news article and gossip Elisa told me from her clients. At best, I would come off as a clueless moron. At worst, a bigot.

With the turn of the new year, I decided to swallow my fears and actually work on improving myself. I could've easily just taken the pills and continued my antisocial life. However, I would still be in the same position I was prior to my change, just in a new body. I was going to prove to the doctor that I truly deserve to be a spider, and that started by becoming part of the therian community.

I had only just gotten my first dosage three days earlier. For how much spider HRT was supposed to change my body, it was a bit surprising that all I got was a month's supply of circular white pills in a standard translucent orange bottle, with the only instructions given to take one pill a day. Not helping matters was the lack of any substantial changes to my body. Sure, I was on HRT for less than a week, but I figured there would be something. Enough to at least start feeling like I was becoming a spider.

After enough procrastinating, I stepped out of the car and entered the lobby of the rec center. Almost immediately upon entering, I noticed sheets of paper taped to what felt like any surface they could be taped to, with giant red arrows pointing to what I assumed was the gymnasium. Already, I debated turning around and heading home. Maybe I should just come back when I've done more research on therians, or at least when I look more like a spider and less like a human. My car's right there, after all. I just have to go back the way I came and-

“You here for the meeting too?”

I nearly jumped out of my skin at those words. I turned around frantically, getting a good look at the person behind me. She looked to be around my age, maybe a bit younger. She too had brown hair and blue eyes, though the former was done up in one long ponytail instead of carelessly cascading past the shoulders. The red, long-sleeved shirt and black pants looked a lot like the casual garb I would throw on for social situations, like what I was wearing right now. If it weren't for the more laid-back, confident aura she exuded, I would've assumed I was looking in the mirror.

“Hey, you okay? I'm not that scary, honest.” The woman spoke again, confused and possibly a little concerned at my behavior. I tried my best to reset my mind, focusing on her words.

“Oh, uh, yeah, sorry about that. This is my first time here and I didn't wanna get lost.” I answered finally.

“Yeah… I imagine it's really easy to get lost with all those arrow signs. Name's Echo, by the way.” Echo responded. She may dress similarly to me, but our personalities couldn't have been farther apart. “Anyway, the meeting's about to start soon. We should go inside.”

With that, Echo ushered me through the double doors into the gymnasium. Any chance of turning back was gone now. Swallowing the newly-formed lump of anxiety in my throat, I made my way towards the ring of plastic folding chairs set up in the middle of the empty basketball court, sitting next to the only person there that I was vaguely familiar with. Nearby was a cooler filled with ice and various beverages and a small folding table with small bags of chips and other snacks set up on it. As I sat down, I noticed that there were a few different therians already seated and talking with each other. They looked much further along in their transition than I was, more clearly resembling a rabbit, cat, and mouse respectively. I should have introduced myself to them, but my stupid anxiety got the better of me once again. I just quietly accepted the bottle of water Echo offered me and waited to be done so I could return to the safe familiarity of my apartment.

“Alright. It looks like everyone's here.” A different therian spoke up as approached us. She was a dog therian with brown eyes and primarily brown and white fur. Fluffy brown hair topped her head, almost blending in with the fur. I assumed she was a Border Collie. She had on a nice blue dress that added an air of professionalism that wasn't too overwhelming.

“Welcome to the therian support group. My name’s Domino. I've been on dog HRT for three years at this point. I hope you all had a good holiday season.” The dog therian, Domino, said as she took a seat at one of the empty chairs. “I see we've got a few new faces here, so I think it'll be a good idea for everyone to introduce themselves to the group so we can get to know each other. Oh, Echo, would you mind starting us off to maybe make things less tense for the newcomers?”

“You make it sound like we're in rehab, but alright.” Echo replied before standing up. “You all probably already know this, but I'm Echo. I helped Domino set up this group, and I've been on dragon HRT for… probably a week at this point?”

“Oh, congratulations Echo! I was wondering when you were going to get started.” Domino exclaimed happily. She and the rest of us clapped as Echo took her seat once again. In hindsight, I should've expected Echo to be on humanity removal therapy too, but I assumed she was just an ally. She didn't show any signs of being on HRT that I could notice. No scales or horns or sharp claws or anything. Maybe she was hiding them under her clothes, but I wasn't going to investigate.

The rest of the group introduced themselves one after the other, talking about how long they were on their respective HRTs and answering some questions that were brought up. I stayed quiet and listened on as I drank from my bottle of water. Given how small of a group we were, it didn't take long until I was the only one who hadn't introduced themself to the group. All eyes were officially on me.

“Do I, um… do I have to?” I asked quietly.

“I mean, I suppose no one's forcing you.” Domino answered. “If you don't feel comfortable then I suppose you don't have-”

“Come on… you can't have seriously gone all this way to just sit here and listen.” Echo interrupted. “If you were strong enough to come here, surely you could manage a couple words. We're all therians here, after all.”

I looked at all the expectant faces around me, waiting in anticipation for my response. I could hear the pounding of my heart through the quiet stillness of the gymnasium. No matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't leave, nor could I curl up in fear and hope everyone would leave me alone. With a few deep breaths, I began to speak.

“My name is Taylor Thompson. I have been on Spider HRT for a few days, and… I'm not sure what else I can say here. I'm not really too familiar with therians, and, yeah…”

It took what felt like forever before anyone spoke up. In my mind, I felt like I had somehow screwed up, that I had made a fool of myself. I was about ready to grab my belongings and head home before Domino spoke up.

“Well, we're happy to have you in our little community.” Domino said with a supportive smile. “And we'll be happy to answer any questions you might have about therians.”

Echo nodded in agreement. “Yeah, and if anyone gives you a hard time, just let me know and I'll give them at least one black eye.”

“Let's maybe not go that far, Echo.” Domino responded.

I started to tear up at the positive affirmation given by Domino, Echo, and the other therians in attendance. Their kind words of approval were what I needed after weeks of uncertainty regarding transitioning. I didn't really speak much more over the course of the meeting, but I was feeling more comfortable there. I even managed to ask for Domino and Echo's phone numbers at the end of the meeting so I could keep in touch with them, something I never imagined doing prior to coming out of my shell. Maybe Dr. Erian had a point about going out and making friends.

Once I got home to my apartment, I flopped backwards onto my messy bed and pulled out my phone. I saw several messages from Elisa, asking me how the meeting went. With a smile, I started texting back, telling her all about my wonderful experience.

---

NEXT: Coming Soon

#animal hrt #dragon hrt #furry hrt #fantasy hrt #therian #otherkin #spider hrt #transformation #literature #oc #original character

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my-rewrite-academia · 5 months ago

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Quirk Analysis #1

As promised, this post is for the quirk analysis of the following three students!

Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina, Hagakure Tooru will be discussed in this post and in that order.

Kirishima Eijirou:

Fatty and oily foods make Eijirou's skin harder, and Izuku hypothesises that it's due to the carbon content. While carbon is often associated with gases or coal, it's in food too, with the content being higher in oily or fatty foods. Eijirou manipulates the carbon in his skin by rearranging the carbon molecules to make it denser, to the point that his mohs level of hardness is equivalent to corrundum (level 9, one level below diamond).

Because of this, eating food containing high levels of carbon makes it so that there's more carbon to push between his skin cells.

While ordinary humans cannot properly digest high levels of carbon, Eijirou's body is able to, not just handle it, but properly digest it. As such, he starts eating activated charcoal, (which is safe to eat in small dosages, though Eijirou can have more), which increases his time limit, and can help him harden his entire body for longer periods of time.

It's also theorised that his teeth are sharp so that he can bite into coal.

Ashido Mina:

The most obvious contender for what her acid is made of is stomach acid, however, if she transported her stomach acid to her skin, it would make her either incredibly ill or she wouldn't be able to digest things, as she subconciously produces acid.

As such, it's much more likely that she's using carbon dioxide. It's usually pointed out as a gas, but it can exist in a liquid form. Carbon dioxide naturally exists in all humans, though typically as a gas that our body filters out through breathing. Mina is absorbing carbon dioxide as opposed to breathing it out and changing it to a liquid form.

She can alter the pH levels, though it's naturally low, around pH level 3, which leads to accidentally dissolving her bed and floor and waking up in the flat/apartment below. Don't ask. She can make the pH levels go up to about 7, which is safe to drink, though it's not recommended, and this allows her to use her acid to slip around the ground.

While she could theoretically try breathing less to increase carbon dioxide intake, but that's very dangerous without proper training. Instead, she takes sodium bicarbonate or sodium citrate pills, which increase the level of carbon dioxide in the body.

Her appearance is not connected to her quirk.

Hagakure Tooru:

Now, if Tooru were truly invisible, she would not be able to see, as the way we see is by light hitting our retinas, which bounces the light to the photoreceptors behind them which send the electrical signal to our brains. If the light passes through you, the light can't hit the retinas, meaning that no information would be sent to your brain, leaving you blind.

As such, reflecting light also cannot be her quirk, as this would lead to the same results, and would make her continuously shine.

Her quirk is actually absorbing and manipulating radiation across her skin. She doesn't feel hot or cold, as seen by her steaming lunch and how she can run around naked without a single shiver, and this is due to manipulating the thermal energy, which is a form of radiation.

Light is also a form of radiation, which is why she can produce flashes from her skin.

This could also mean that she cannot become irradiated by things such as chemical energy, though it's far too dangerous to test out.

Additionally, because of this, it's possible that she can manipulated energy across things made of her DNA, which is proven true when she gets her costume and appear invisible after she wears it.

...

So that's Izuku's analysis of Eijirou, Mina, and Tooru's quirks!

I'm not a master of science, so if there's something that doesn't seem quite right, chalk it up to psuedo-science, please. I did not take A-Levels for science. My knowledge comes from my own research, mainly due to Momo's quirk.

Thanks for tuning in!

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #mha critical #rewrite #horikoshi critical #my rewrite academia #quirk analysis #kirishima eijirou #mina ashido #toru hagakure #plot

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yowyowyaoi · 1 year ago

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Itachi’s Daily Texts from the Akatsuki

From Konan

Nobody eats until you come out and eat with us 😤

Thank you! You’re the only one who even noticed 💙

You need to do a better job of hiding that kitten lol it pushed open your door and walked down the hallway again

Of course! You know where I keep it you don’t even have to ask 😊

I know I’ve spoken to Nagato about them he’ll handle it

You have GOT to come try this new massage chair I got it’s heaven 😌

From Deidara

Come on I was just kidding!!

Please call him off if he bites off my hand again Sasori said he won’t replace it 😔

Sharingan is not art it’s dirty cheating

The counter is covered with plates of eggs, did you do that weird sleepwalking thing again?!

Me and Hidan and maybe Tobi. Come on take the stick out of your ass and just come with us!

I’ll paint them if you braid my hair first.

Why do you always blame me?? Hidan probably took it!

Omfg I SWEAR I meant that for Sasori!! 😳 Please please don’t show Kisame he’ll kill me 😫

From Zetsu

He’s just so emotional is that an Uchiha trait?

I can literally smell your exhaustion you need to go and rest

Yeah very cute. Be a shame if someone ate it 👀

He was doing fine. Got a lot taller. Looks a lot like you in the face.

No I’m glad you made him leave that dude freaked even ME out 😵‍💫

From “Tobi” aka Obito

Can I borrow your face cream? This mask makes my skin itch like crazy!

God stop it man are you TRYING to speed up going blind?!

Would he take your last name or would you take his? 🤔

No. Never. They think I’m a dumbass, remember?

Little more time in the sun would probably help 🤷🏻‍♂️

“Crushes” are for little kids. And anyway he hates me 😔

I thought about that yeah. Reminded me of your mom’s. She always made the best ones.

I’m not sure of anything kid. But we’re in it too far to back out.

Idk you just looked super pale

Ask Sasori to make you more, they’re helping a little

Idc what Zetsu says. I can do a lotta shit but cannibalism isn’t one of them 🤢

You think I didn’t see you sneak in that pie? Either share or I’m telling Kisame.

From Nagato

Come and join Konan and I for tea. We’ve got a new blend we think you’ll like.

Permission granted. Just be back within three days, I’ll be sending you two on a mission then.

Thank you for the tips. My eyes feel much better now.

Take your time reading it. When you finish I’d love to discuss some of the themes with you.

I know you dislike meat but perhaps a bit more protein might help improve your stamina.

I don’t mind but do not let Kakuzu see it.

From Hidan

Movies with me and blondie?

Yeah but he’s half-animal right? Still counts, pervert.

PLEASE make the splinters in the ass joke PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU😭😭😭

If I didn’t take a piece you would have ate the whole fucking thing yourself and your stomach would burst. You’re welcome 😊

No that was definitely Deidara’s gay ass

Mask boy’s looking for you

Oh right like Kisame wouldn’t beat my ass for that 🙄 Nice try asshole

God damn it’s 3am when the FUCK do you sleep?!

We’re not “plotting” anything just come with ffs 🤦‍♂️

It was an accident and I didn’t even look that long don’t tell her she’ll slice me up with that sharp-ass paper 😖

From Kakuzu

You always being on time with your rent is most appreciated.

To be honest I don’t really know. But at this point I’m too far into my feelings for him so this is my life now.

Getting enough sleep is important. Nagato agrees that a new mattress would be in your best interests. No arguments.

I’ve ripped off his leg and made it clear it won’t be returned until he returns your property to you.

I’ll consult with Sasori and get back to you.

Konan is insisting everyone text you to come down to eat. It’s my turn. Be advised that continued delay will result in one or more of us coming and retrieving you by force.

From Sasori

Please inform me right away if you notice any adverse side effects. I may need to change the medication or adjust the dosage.

Oh, thank you for reminding me. I wouldn’t want a repeat of last year. What sort of gift do you think I should give him?

You’re more than welcome to anytime. You know I don’t sleep.

Finding the correct body is the most difficult part. All that follows is merely routine.

He can be very sensitive. I’m still learning to decipher and appropriately react to his emotions.

May I borrow that book when you’ve finished it?

Heh. That’s actually very funny.

Try not to overdo it. Your chakra levels still haven’t recovered from the last time.

You may want to hurry back. Zetsu has been circling outside your door like an animal and trying to sniff under it. That lock may not hold.

From Kisame

You remembered your meds today right?

Did you eat?

Yeah? I bet I could work out that tension 😏

Cake is not acceptable for every meal, Itachi.

I got a new blanket, very soft. Come test it out with me 💙

I’ll talk to him about it don’t worry.

For God’s sake just TAKE A NAP!

Have fun but watch your back, I don’t trust those two.

Pretty warm out tonight. Midnight swim later? 😏

You left your necklace on my dresser

Leave it there. You’ve already got one illicit pet you don’t need a second.

I’m cooking, you’re eating. No objections.

My hands are craving being in your hair 😔

I did not eat him. Zetsu is a liar.

You got any more pics like that? Please? 👀

I 💙 you too

#itachi uchiha #texting #the akatsuki #kisaita #kisame x itachi #kisame hoshigaki #hidan #deidara #kakuzu #sasori #zetsu #nagato #konan #🦈🍡#Akatsuki Daily Texts Series

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malamira · 10 months ago

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QUIET LOVE, OH HOW IT SCREAMS

synopsis: "i'd never let anything happen to you, if i could help it."

a/n: GOD, i love doctor!au inukag. i did a lot of editing and revising for this, so it's a different beast from what it was when smutmas version came out. i'm not 100% happy with the ending, but i mean. if i did any more i had a feeling i would just ruin it instead of help it.

— 💓 —

“You’re going to love me,” Sango sing-songed, sliding into the seat next to Kagome’s.

Kagome grunted, massaging her temple. The bar wasn't too crowded, thankfully, but the noise level was high enough that she had to speak up to be heard. “Why? Did you kill the hospital director yet?”

“No,” Sango said primly; Onigumo Industries owned the hospital Kagome was a surgeon at, and Sango's father was vice president of one of the subsidiaries. “But,” she said, grasping her friend’s arm, “I kind of have a solution to your extended shift problem.”

“You mean the hospital is hiring another surgeon?” Kagome mumbled grumpily, knocking back her watered down whisky. The moisture that collected outside the glass splattered unto the bar when she slammed it down.

“No! A guy!”

Kagome stared at her best friend, first blankly, then sourly. “Sango, I love you and I know you only have my best interests at heart, but seriously? I barely have time to bathe Buyo. I don’t have time for a guy.”

“No, I mean like to fuck!” her friend said encouragingly. “It’s been rough the past few weeks. Maybe a good orgasm will fix you right up!"

Kagome's cheeks colored. "I don't—"

Sango wasn't having any of it. "Aw, come on! It's just some harmless fun. He’s right over there, by the booth—”

“Now?” Kagome said incredulously. “I’m in my scrubs. I have a stain on my shirt!”

“So? Is it a shit stain?”

“I’m not even going to correct you on how many hospital protocols I would’ve broken if it were a shit stain.”

“Lighten up, Kagome!” Sango insisted, jumping up from her chair and tugging at her friend's arm. “It’s Friday and you deserve to get laid. Come on.”

“It is a testament to our ten-year friendship that I am choosing to trust you,” Kagome said flatly, throwing a few bills on the counter to cover her drink. She called over the bartender before letting Sango pull her away.

“Hello, gentlemen,” Sango said brightly, then brandished her friend from behind her. “As promised, my lady doctor friend.”

“Hi,” the guy at the edge of the booth said, dark hair and bright, blue eyes. He was cute, Kagome could admit, if a little too... pedestrian, for her tastes. He extended a hand to shake. “I’m Kōga.”

“Kagome,” she introduced herself, taking his hand for a brief shake. He scooted over and motioned for her to sit next to him.

Sango had already settled into the side of a guy who had a short ponytail and earrings. “I’m Miroku,” that guy said.

She only just managed to land her butt on the leather seat of the booth, she felt a familiar vibration pattern in her pocket. Her emergency pattern.

Before Kōga—or Sango, for that matter—could utter a word, she’d straightened and fished out her phone. “Hospital. Gotta go.”

Without so much as a look back, she bolted.

—

“I’m here,” Kagome panted, running into the ER. "I'm here!"

“Doc!” Jinenji, one of the nurses on shift, called out, timidly holding a clipboard to his chest as he approached from the nurses' station. “I know you just got out—”

“It’s fine.” She waved away his concern. “What do you need?”

“We did a test for Nazuna, the one who had the appendectomy earlier today, and the results required a change in dosage,” he informed her, then turned sheepish when he continued, “I’m really sorry; her mother was getting… irate, and I couldn't get another physician—”

Kagome shook her head and let out a breath. “It’s okay, Jinenji; it's not your fault. Good thing I was nearby.” A bar two blocks away wasn't necessarily nearby, but Jinenji didn’t have to know that. She took the clipboard. "Nazuna... the one with anemia, right? Can we check if she needs a transfusion? Her RBC's looking pretty low..."

“Dr. Higurashi!” another nurse cried as soon as Jinenji took off with her advice. “Thank God you're here; I need you!”

Kagome sighed and got to work.

—

A few hours later, she yawned as she pushed back against the desk in the middle of the doctor's lounge, her chair screeching against the floor. "Oh my God," she groaned, exhausted.

“I hear Higurashi,” a gruff voice called a few hours later, and a light-haired head popped into the admin room doorway. Gold eyes peered at her with interest. “Hey. Isn’t your shift over? Why are you still here?”

Kagome stretched in her chair and rubbed her eye with the back of her hand. She smiled tiredly at Inuyasha, who regarded her with curious eyes. “Had to do something. You haven’t left yet?”

He strode into the room, hands in his pockets. He’d forgone his lab coat and scrubs, changing into jeans and a button-up shirt. “About to, yeah. Where'd you come from? Your house?”

She shook her head. “No, I was at the bar two blocks down. You know Shikon?”

Inuyasha smirked and jerked his head. “Come on. I’ll drive you back. Unless you wanna walk…?”

“Nah, you’re good,” she said, collecting her things and leaving the room. She fell into step next to him. “And excuse you, I had one drink.”

He opened the door to the stairwell and let her pass; the elevator to the parking was under repair. “Shikon’s for kids anyway. Why not head to, I don’t know, Totosai’s, or something?”

“I didn’t pick the place,” Kagome mumbled. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she fumbled for it, shoes echoing as they made their way down the cement steps.

“Oh? Were you out with friends, then?”

"Yeah." Kagome groaned, pausing in the middle of the stairwell, "And she’s fucking pissed at me.”

Inuyasha raised an eyebrow, curious. He hopped back up a few steps to get back to her level and peered at her phone, eyes widening at the slew of texts she'd apparently ignored.

Sango 23:44 Is everything ok?

Sango 00:22 Kagome we’re still at the bar in case u wanna come back, I’m telling Koga ur coming back

Sango 00:28 Can u reply so i can give an update

Sango 01:18 Kagome PLS!! Trying to call u, pls answer

Sango 01:31 Koga left. He’s kinda pissed and I’m super embarrassed

Sango 01:56 Leaving too, it’s been 2 hours

Sango 02:03 Call me in the morning when I’m more important than your job

He whistled lowly. “She’s really mad, huh?”

“No, really? What gave that away?” Kagome said blankly, furiously typing back. Sorry, stuff at the hospital got hectic. Will make it up to you tomorrow. She sent the message and pocketed her phone, pressing a hand to her forehead. She took a deep breath before turning to climb back up the stairs.

“What’s up?”

“You go on ahead,” she said.

“What?" She could hear Inuyasha climb up after her. "Why?”

“I’m heading home,” she said, looking back at him. She lived on the other side of town, opposite the direction of Shikon.

Inuyasha put his hands in his pockets and looked at her like she was crazy. “Are you crazy? It’s two in the morning, Higurashi. I’ll drive you home."

She gaped. “Are you crazy? I live an hour away!”

“Traffic won’t be too bad,” he said with a shrug, not looking at her. “I don’t mind. Seriously.”

“But—”

He sighed and climbed further up the stairs until they were a step apart, his eyes meeting hers with barely a tilt of his head. “Kagome, seriously. You work too hard and give too much."

She rolled her eyes, "I'm fine—"

"Oh, come on," Inuyasha said, clearly exasperated. "Don’t think I hadn’t heard of you being wheeled out of the operating room after that cystectomy last week.”

She flushed at that. “I—How’d you know about that?”

“Jinenji’s very easy to manipulate.”

She gaped and lightly smacked his arm. “That’s mean! You know he’s scared of you.”

“He’s scared of a lot of things,” Inuyasha shot back. “And I would’ve known anyway.”

“How?”

“Kagome,” he said, one of his hands slipping out of his pocket to gently grasp her wrist. He raised it so it hovered in between their faces. “You’re shaking.”

Her hand twitched before her eyes, and she bit her lip. “I'm fine, I'm just tired—"

"Tired? But you're consistently taking 24-hour shifts?" He lowered her hand, but didn't let go of her wrist. "Come on, Kagome. Admit it; you're overworking yourself."

She sniffed. "I didn’t know you watched me so closely.” It was meant to corner him, but it came out feeble and shy.

He sighed and lowered their clasped hands. “Seriously, Kagome,” he mumbled as he, to her surprise, rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “You need to take care of yourself more.”

She looked down at his hand, watching as his thumb dragged tenderly over her skin.

Her relationship with Inuyasha was both surprisingly simple and terrifyingly complicated. They had met in medical school, when she was a sophomore and he was in his last year. They'd gone to different schools—rival schools—but they had a mutual friend who introduced them, thinking they’d be perfect for each other.

It couldn’t have gone more wrong.

She looked too much like his ex, he said, while she claimed that he was too big of an asshole. While they were both planning to eventually become surgeons, it seemed like the similarities stopped there. Whenever they managed to come across each other it was like they wanted to bite each other’s head off for the smallest of things—like breathing too loud, or walking too slow—until they discovered that they’d work together in the same hospital, in the same operating team.

They'd learned to deal with each other. At least until the day Kagome’s brother had been wheeled in into the ER.

Sōta had been shot.

Kagome had nearly lost her mind with worry, snapping at anyone who denied her access to her brother, until Inuyasha had to practically manhandle her to sit down on the couch in the physician’s lounge. He had talked her down, told her that he was handling the operation, he'd be the one to take care of her brother, but she needed to calm the fuck down, okay?

She'd grabbed his hand and made him promise to do everything—everything—he could.

He'd kissed her forehead, unbidden, and left the room. The shock of it was like the icing on the proverbial cake, rendering her speechless. It was too much all at once, and she ended up sleeping on the lounge couch. A few hours later, Inuyasha woke Kagome up and she bolted to see her brother.

Sōta had made it, albeit looking a little worse for wear. Her mother had screamed at the police on the phone, the angriest Kagome had ever seen her. Turned out Sōta had been shot by an unknown assailant after being mugged, and the man was still on the loose.

The police had found him eventually, Kagome had told Inuyasha when he asked, and she hadn't known anything beyond that. The other surgeon nodded, looking pensive. Kagome had realized she hadn’t thanked him yet, for all he’d done. She had suggested that she pick up his shifts in return.

He'd declined (surprisingly politely). Instead, he'd offered to pick up her shifts while she took a break. When she'd asked what for, all he said was, "To take care of your brother," and left it at that.

She'd thought he'd take one or two shifts, but he'd crossed her name out of the shift sheet for a total of three weeks, declaring that hanyōs didn't really need sleep, and therefore could take on more work. ("I'm the ideal ER doctor, if you think about it," he'd said.)

"Inuyasha," she said.

His thumb resumed its motions. "Hm?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?" she asked him.

That seemed to snap him out of whatever stupor he'd landed himself in, and he let go. She kind of missed it.

With a blush on his face, he scoffed and looked away. "I—You know, I pick up your shifts when you're out, you know? I—You shouldn't take—If you get sick, I'll have to take more shifts."

Awkward silence settled over them, and Kagome stepped down to stand closer to him. They were practically nose to nose, and Inuyasha's gold gaze met hers with an intensity that made her want to shiver.

"You're lying," she challenged boldly, and that made him scoff again, sounding completely offended this time around.

"Why would I lie?" he said with a roll of his eyes, turning away and stepping down.

Kagome was growing frustrated. She couldn't put into words what she wanted to tell him.

"You're always—" She shook her head. She was ready to yell, but she wasn't angry. Once upon a time, she would have snapped, called him a coward, and stomped past him. But gone was the pure loathing that defined the early stages of their relationship. So where did that leave them?

Where did that leave her?

He turned and looked back up at her. "Look. I can drive you home, and I—" He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "Just get some rest, okay? You've had a long day. I can take your shift tomorrow, just... just get some rest."

The next thing she knew, she was watching his back as he climbed down the stairs, and that's when it dawned on her.

Her brother, her job, her wellbeing—why hadn't she realized sooner that—

"Inuyasha."

He paused and sighed, turning back to face her. "Kagome, just—"

Maybe it was the exhaustion, but the way he looked at her made her eyes prick with heat. She bounded towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shirt collar. "Thank you."

He was clearly taken aback, but managed to keep both of them upright. "Wh—For what—"

"For taking care of me," she mumbled. "That's what you're doing, right?"

She felt his body go rigid before relaxing. His arms slowly came around her middle. "Stupid girl," he murmured with so much affection it made her heart skip, "Only because you're doing a terrible job at it."

She sobbed. "I'm sorry for worrying you."

"It's okay."

"And I'm sorry for not noticing sooner," she sniffled. "I'm sorry for being a workaholic, and for being exhausted, and for crying."

His arms tightened just a bit. "It's okay."

"I'm sorry for being annoying about it."

His low laughter rumbled in his chest. "It's okay."

She hugged him tighter. "And I'm sorry I never thanked you for Sōta."

He lets out a breath and turn his head. "You don't have to apologize or thank me for that, Kagome," he told her gently. Pressing a soft kiss to the shell of her ear, he continued, "Your family is important to you. I'd never let anything happen to them." Then, softer yet louder at the same time, "I'd never let anything happen to you, if I could help it."

That made her gut wrench and heart swell and it made her cry harder.

He held her close as she did.

#inukag #inukag fluff #inukag fanfic #inuyasha fic #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha x kagome #💞.writing

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trans-axolotl · 13 days ago

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Do you have any advice about going from DIY hrt (testosterone specifically) to legal hrt? I have a limited supply of testosterone that I've just restarted and would like to continue T through a doctor ideally just because the source I got it from is not a long term supplier, but I'm not sure how to go about explaining that I've been on T without a prescription on record. I'm on a very low dose but I feel like my levels will still flag as higher than a pre-T perisex afab person's levels. I have been on T legally in the past but it's been a couple years.

Hi anon!

So most of my advice is based on navigating the US healthcare system--please feel free to let me know if that's not applicable, and we can try to brainstorm ideas for how to navigate your healthcare system.

What worked for me was intentionally choosing a clinic that was separate from the rest of the healthcare I received and just lying and telling my doctor that I had a previous prescription from a different doctor but wanted to transfer care here. I went to Planned Parenthood, and just told them that I used to get it prescribed by my primary care doctor but I wanted to get it from here now. I think this would work best at informed consent clinics. Possible reasons to give might include that your old doctor was out of network with insurance so you're switching, that you moved, that it's cheaper at the new place, that the new doctor is closer to your house, etc.

And in my experience at informed consent clinics they really don't care--they haven't asked me follow up questions, they haven't asked to see the prescription, they didn't even ask for the doctors name. And the way that most medical record software sharing works in the US, they'd have to pretty intentionally search for that information to catch you in a lie. All they asked me for was what my old dosage had been and when was the last time I had bloodwork. If they do ask more follow up questions, you can always say that you don't have those records and lie and say that your primary care doctor isn't set up with MyChart or something like that.

The benefit of doing it this way was that so I didn't have to think up reasons to justify my test results and I also was just able to talk a lot more openly about what dosages I'd already tried, what i was looking for in terms of hormone levels, etc.

If lying about it doesn't feel like an option, one possibility might be to just skip your T shot the week before you're having your levels checked, and that might help avoid your levels getting flagged.

What I'll also say is that there already is so much variation in hormone levels and that there is a very wide range of hormone levels in both intersex and perisex people, and there's a chance that even with high testosterone showing up in your levels, that might not cause too much of a barrier.

Wishing you the best of luck, anon, and if any followers have helpful ideas, feel free to add on!

#asks #diy hrt #personal #trans #it is so okay and fine to lie to doctors

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whorefordean · 1 year ago

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to soothe your pain || d.w

wc: 1.1k

tw: use of petname (sweetheart), like the tiniest amount of angst but only if you squint

a/n: this got so far away from where it was originally supposed to go but i don't mind tbh. i wrote this bc i am indeed a headache girlie and i know dean would fix it so this is completely self indulgent not sorry

------------------------------------

you sigh in discomfort as the pounding in your head intensifies. the dim lights in the bunker are somehow still making your headache worse.

dean notices the pout on your face as soon as you enter the library, and he frowns. his eyebrows furrow as he watches you slowly trudge into the room.

dean chuckles softly when you pull your hood over your head. the material covers most of your face, easing the pain only slightly. you slump towards dean before slowly climbing into his lap. he chuckles to himself as he spreads his arms wider for you to get comfortable.

immediately dean’s arms wrap around your body. he kisses your shoulder softly as he rubs your back warmly.

“what’s wrong, sweetheart?” dean whispers into your ear.

“my head hurts, dean,” you whine into the crook of his neck. you adjust slightly, resting your head on his shoulder now. you can’t seem to completely block out the lights even as you push your face further into dean.

“can i try something?” dean asks, already moving before you even answer. you’re desperate for any sort of relief, so you lift your head to nod. dean raises his hands to pull your hood down and threads his fingers into your hair. he’s pulling your strands slightly before applying pressure. dean’s palms are now flat against your scalp, barely squeezing as to not hurt you.

the relief is near immediate. dean watches as you relax into him. you pull your hands up to his forearms to hold him in place.

“oh my god, dean, i love you,” you sigh causing dean to laugh out loud. he releases the pressure and alternates between rubbing your scalp and squeezing.

“well, considering you married me, i kinda assumed you already did, but thanks for the reassurance,” dean jokes playfully.

“yeah, but now i love you even more,” you reply with your eyes closed. after a few minutes, dean completely pulls his hands back, stopping all the pressure he had been applying but not moving his hands from your hair. you open your eyes to look at him with a small pout..

“i don’t wanna hurt you, sweetheart. i can’t sit here squeezing that pretty little head of yours all night. it’ll make it worse if i do,” dean answers as he twirls your hair through his fingers.

“but it feels good now,” you whine as you plop your head onto his shoulder. dean feels bad, really. it sucks seeing you in pain like this when he knows there’s nothing he can do to stop it. the pain reliever you took earlier barely helped at all, so you didn’t even bother with another dosage.

“come on,” dean says though he gives you no time to question him before he’s standing up. he picks you up from his lap and carries you to your shared bedroom in the bunker. the sudden movement causes you to yelp in surprise. dean is quick to pull your hood back over your head, blocking out the brighter lights of the hallway, as you cling onto his broad shoulders.

you let out a few soft giggles as his grip falls to your ass, giving it a slight squeeze before finally just resting there.

“watch those hands, dean,” you mutter playfully into his shoulder. dean’s chest rumbles with laughter.

“i know exactly where my hands are at, sweetheart,” dean teases back, and even though you can’t see his face, you’re positive he’s smirking right now. a sigh escapes your lips as you relax further into dean as he continues the trek down the long hallways. his warmth envelopes you, and you only realize now just how truly lucky you are to have him.

dean has, quite literally, saved your life more times than you can count. he’s stuck by your side through every single hardship and peril. he’s been to hell and back, no pun intended, just to keep you safe. you squeeze your arms around him just a little bit tighter, trying to keep him as close as possible to you. if dean notices, he doesn’t mention it. instead, his hand travels up your back under your hoodie, tapping you a few times softly before he rubs soothing circles into your skin.

“you doing okay, sweetheart?” his voice is softer than before as he notices the way your demeanor changes. he opens the door to your bedroom, using his foot to close it behind him.

dean pulls the covers back and gently places you down. he didn’t bother turning the lights on when he brought you in here, not wanting to worsen your headache, so he lays down beside you. immediately, dean’s arms move to wrap around your waist, pulling you into him. you tuck yourself further into him, pushing your face into his chest. with one arm wrapped around you, dean lets his other hand rest against your head. the slight pressure helps to relieve the ache that has long since settled behind your eyes.

dean relaxes when you do, content with the fact that you seek him out for comfort. he finds pride knowing that he’s your source of comfort. dean lays with you silently in the dark, a recurring situation almost always caused by your current circumstances.

“thank you, dean,” you mumble quietly in the dark. dean furrows his brows at your sudden expression of gratitude.

“don’t thank me for this, sweetheart. this is the bare minimum of what you deserve. in sickness and in health, remember?” dean answers firmly. he’s almost shocked that you feel the need to thank him for… comforting you?

“i know that, but you should still be told that you’re appreciated, dean. and i do appreciate you so much,” you tell him. you hope that dean can not only hear, but feel, the love seeping off every syllable you utter. you scooch impossibly closer to your husband, draping your leg over him. you lean in close to his ear.

“thank you for every single thing you do, dean winchester,” you place a small kiss to his cheek before leaning back down and resting your head against his chest.

“i thought i was the one easing your pain,” the teasing lilt is evident in dean’s voice, but underneath, you can hear the gratitude in his tone.

“god forbid, i comfort my husband,” you sigh dramatically causing dean to laugh.

“i’m so sorry, sweetheart. please continue,” dean jokes. the two of you laugh together before finally settling down. dean plays with your hair as you trace shapes against his biceps. the two of you lay in silence, embracing each other, praying that the other knows how loved they are.

#dean winchester hurt comfort #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester #spn #supernatural fic #supernatural #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester angst #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester fanfic

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