#dont just put me on meds that i stopped taking and continue to refuse

[wxvzkk]

i hate the fact that since im not 18 i CANNOT be diagnosed with certain things and by that definition get help for it, like wdym every single therapist since the age of 6 ive gone to has told me the exact same thing and that they cant give me an official diagnosis because of my age but that i show concerning signs of bipolar and other things like ??? why tell me if i cant even get help?? yeah put me on another pill as if thats gonna help. put me on mood stabilizers and up the dose when it doesn't get better and refuse to give me the help you KNOW i should have? like i understand that symptoms and signs can be confusing when children are younger but like brah how are you gonna tell me that you're almost completely sure of this but i cant even get the actual help, just some basic version of it because im too young and my personality is still developing like???? you have all told me since i was under the age of 10 that i showed a concerning amount of signs???? but you wont help????

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[chicagopd2020]

Family Now

Request:Can you do something with yn being pregnant by jay and being kidnapped, when she is found to be injured and going into labor, but at the end of it all is right. with cute ending

Hope you like it this is my first request :)

Jay had been working on a case where this guy had tried to take almost everyone on the team out as a way to get back at Hank for putting his brother in prison for the rest of his life. Hank recieved a note saying "You took my family away from you now I am going to take yours away from you"  Luckily the man hasnt been successful on any of his attempts. Hank had warned them to all be very careful and watch their backs everywhere they went.

All Jay wanted to do was to get home to Y/N just hold her close and just pretend that it was just the two of them, well 3 if you consider their little baby girl in Y/N stomach. Knowing that is what he had to look for eased his nerves just a little bit. Getting out of his truck he couldnt help but to look around and for some reason he had an uneasy feeling in his gut. Yeah it was probably the fact that he was being hunted by a man and they didnt actually know what he looked like.

As he walks up the stairs to their apartment the feeling got so bad that he was in a run to the apartment just so that he could make sure everything was alright. As he got closer to the apartment he seen their door was slightly opened which he knew wasnt right because Y/N always kept the door locked when he wasnt there. So he took out his gun and eased in the door, seeing that their were things strewed around everywhere like there had been a fight broke out. His heart was in his stomach when he seen the blood on the floor. So he did the first thing that came to his mind, he pulled out his phone and called Voight. Luckily he picks up on the first ring

Halstead whats the problem?

Voight, she's gone! It was silent of the phone for what felt like forever but was just a few seconds.

Im on my way, Ill get the rest of the team to head that way as well, you call it in so that we can find this Son of a Bitch.

As Jay hangs up the phone he does exactly as Voight told him to do. Waiting for the team to arrive he just walks around to see if there is anything that was left that would lead them to where he took her.

The team all finally make it to Jay & Y/N apartment,and as the other officers are looking around for fingerprints or anything really. Then one of the officers came walking up to them.

Detective Halstead there was this note left on your kitchen counter and I think that you are going to want to see this. She says while handing him the note. Jay reads the note out loud

The note reads " Hank you took my brother,Ive got your daughter & grandchild. You may want find me before I do something I may regret"

Dammit Hank I know she is your daughter but we are going to have a kid together and if something happens to either of them I will never forgive you!

Hank stood there and let him yell at him because he felt the same way if anything did happen to his daughter and grandaughter he wouldnt be able to live with himself

Y/N POV

This man that kidnapped me he kept saying sorry but said that it was all my dads fault that this was happening. You kept trying to talk to him trying to figure out what you could do to make up for what your dad did but you got nothing from him. The pain in your lower stomach kept coming closer together but you were not due for another couple weeks and in this moment in time is not how you want your babygirl to be born.

Sir,Sir,SIR finally catching his attention. I think that I need to go to the hospital

There is no way in hell that I am taking you to a hospital.

At that very moment your water broke and water went everywhere.

My water just broke and its either you take me to hospital or my baby will be born right here.

Well then it looks like you will be bringing a life into this world in warehouse. Ill be back in a little while.

He must have been so caught up in taking me that he didnt check me to see if I still had my phone and thank god I keep it on silent most of the time because when I finally got to it I had so many missed calls from Jay and my dad. All you wanted to do was cry cause you know Jay is so worried and there isnt anything he can do to help, but right now wasnt the time to cry in between the pain you sent a text to Jay letting him know everything you seen around you thinking that maybe it would help then find out where you are.

Jay POV

Sitting at my desk doing everything that I possibly can to figure out where she is. Where he took her? We have been going non-stop to figure something out. He finally just slammed his hands on his desk and walked to the locker room looking at the pictures that he had in his locker of the love of his life and his soon to be born baby girl

He just lets his head fall in his hands and all he can do it just cry, lets the tears that he has been holding in since noticing that Y/N was taken fall. He hears his phone go off and as he pulls the phone out thinking that it is just another lead that will get them no where, he sees that it is her name and he jumps up. As he reads everything that the message says he runs back into the bullpin and yells for Voight, thinking that maybe he could make some sense out of it. As Hank is reading the message it clicks

I dont think she knows where she is but she is just telling us what she sees or hears, so that we can figure out where she is. She says that she heard a train at least a couple times within a few hours, she knows that its an old warehouse. Windows lined all around the building and out one of the windows she sees the numbers 5142

As he was saying everything Kim was typing it into the computer to see if she could up with anything. Y/N has always been like a little sister to her so she was just as worried as everyone else on the team. Once she typed in the numbers in popped up exactly what they had all been hoping for..

I FOUND SOMETHING!!!! She yells

Everyone makes their way over to her......There is an old abandoned warehouse at 5142 West St and it hasnt been in business for over 15 years

Suit up lets go..Hanks says as he practically in a jog so that he can get his little girl back.

Y/N POV

The pain is just getting worse by the minute but I know that I can hold off because I know by now that they are on their way to get me. If they are not then I dont see me or my little girl making it out of the warehouse alive. She just trys to continue breathing through the pain hoping that your little girl will be stubborn like her daddy and just saying where she is safe right now.

He finally returns, this time he has a woman with him, she comes over and she trys to check you out and see what shape you are in.

Dont you dare touch me! You all but yell

I have to see how you and your baby are

No you dont. I would rather have my baby on my own then with someone helping me that is helping the man that kidnapped me

I am not working with him, he came on the street and I think that I was the first nurse that he seen and told me that his girlfriend was in labor

Well I am in no way his girlfriend, I am his hostage and he is refusing to take me to the hospital. As she finishes that sentence the nurse turns and sees the gun pointed at her head

You help deliver her baby  and then I have no more use for you. Just cant have her dying just yet....

As he finishes that sentence the door is busted in and Chicago PD is surrounding him. He gets down next to you and points the gun at your head

You come any closer and I will kill her

Dad help me....

I am...You wanted me from the start let my littl girl go and get to a hospital and take me, do whatever you have to but just let her go. Once he finishes the sentence Adam tackles the man to the ground and in a flash Jay is by your side

Y/N I am so sorry that this happened

Hey it isnt your fault, but I think that we are going to become parents a few weeks sooner than we expected.

The nurse finally speaks, We need an gurney in here we have to get her to the hospital. She helps them get you in the ambulance, She gives them all the information that they need and then the ambulance is off to Med. As you arrive everyone is there waiting, you already have a room waiting and everything. After what seems like hours of labor you finally delivered a beautiful blue eyed baby girl. 7lbs 12oz 17in long

After a few hours of resting you ask Jay to get a wheelchair so that you could take her out to meet everyone. As he helped you to the wheelchair he placed the pillow on your stomach before picking up yalls little girl kissing her on the nose before handing her to you. Little moments like that make you falls in love with that man more and more..

As you make your way down the hall the first two people that you see are your dad and Jay's brother Will. They see you making your way down the hall and have huge grins on their faces and rush to their feet.

Hey everyone

How are you doing? Hank ask

feel a little rough but this little one right here makes it all worth it.

What do I have the pleasure of calling my little niece here?

You look up at Jay and you both share a smile

Everyone we would like to introduce you to Camille Justine Halstead. After my beautiful mother and brother who both were taken way too soon.. As you make eye contact with your dad for the first in a very very long time you seen your dad crying. He walks over and kisses you on the head..

That name is perfect.

Well then I guess you better thank Jay because it was his idea

He turns to Jay and pulls him into a hug and whispers thank you. They pull back from the hug and Jay looks him dead in the eye and says We are family now

[justsomevoltronstuff]

FINALLY SOMEONE WITH OPEN REQUESTS THANK YOU 🥰🤗 This will suddenly take a dArK tUrN- can you do a Paladins (and Allura) x dying reader? Haha idk but I'm in it for the angst and crying 👌👏 You seem like a wonderful person so keep on being wonderful (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

my cousin gave me the BIGGEST judgemental side eye when she asked what I was writing about and I told her character deaths, I’m tryna not to fite, y’all I ain’t gonna lie imma throw hands frfr

also, so sorry this took so long, I’m pretty sure I rewrote it like five times tryna get it to my damn satisfaction (which is such a nasty habit, don’t reread you’re own shit if you want an honest opinion on it y’all)

also also, I’m on mobile rn so I can’t cut it so just so all y’all know:

DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO DEATH/GRIEVING. THIS IS LITERALLY ALL ABOUT DEATH AND GRIEF AND IT IS MAJOR SAD BOI HOURS AND I WORRY ABOUT YALL AND DONT WANT YOU READING THIS IF YOU KNOW YOU WONT HANDLE IT WELL😤😤😤

this is a long one bois so if you wanna skip around they’ll all be colored as per usual and the order is: Shiro, Lance, Hunk, Keith, Pidge, Allura

please enjoy lovers🥺💜🌸

»»»»»»»»»«««««««««

The battle wasn’t an easy one by any means, it was touch and go for the whole team. You knew it wasn’t gonna end well, but that had never stopped you from putting forth your all. You swung your weapon, keeping your enemies at bay as much as you possibly could. Your team was all over the place, the enemy having succeeded in separating everyone in hopes of tipping the odds in their favor. It worked.

You couldn’t keep up alone. Fighting had always been instinct to you, you had never felt so overwhelmed as you had in that moment. They were closing in and you had nowhere left to go and no tricks left up your sleeve. You were stuck, and there weren't any quick enough plans to keep you out of harm's way this time.

You held your ground for as long as you could, refusing to give in easily. You fought until your limbs were too exhausted to move and your breathing was too shallow to continue. It was in a moment of hesitation from sluggish movements that they finally overtook you, and you felt pain spread through you, worse than any you had ever felt before.

You heard shouts of panic, you listened as the battle got thicker and the enemy retreated, you smiled at the sound of victory. Your team shouted in excitement, another battle well fought, another win for Voltron.

Attempting to sit up, you felt pain rush your body once again, causing you to groan. Your team's cheers quickly died down as they took in your situation. Before you knew it, your head was being cradled by the person you wanted to see the most at this moment. Their eyes were filled with concern and tears were brimming. You attempted a soft smile, in hopes of comforting them. Your breathing was shaky as the brushed your hair away from your eyes.

“You’re going to be okay.” They promised.

Your last thoughts were of your family, earth, the realization you’ll never feel rain on your face again, of your team, who you hated abandoning, and finally, of the one person you hated leaving the most. You knew you weren’t making it out of this one, you despised you were going to pass in their arms. You wished you could turn back time and fight a little harder, you wished things could be different, that you could live the life the two of you dreamed together.

“Don’t blame yourself.” You whispered in response.

They shook their head in defiance. “Don’t talk like that. We’re gonna get you to the castle and into a med pod and you’re going to be good as new in no time.”

You shakily lifted a hand and brushed a tear from their cheek. “I love you.”

Their face was filled with pain and you knew the only thing keeping them from losing it was this being your final moments. “I love you.” They responded, their voice cracking. They leaned down and gently pressed their lips to yours.

You felt everything around you becoming further and further away.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered out to your team as you took a final shaky breath, your senses being overwhelmed as you felt yourself fading.

Shiro

The tears kept flowing as he watched the light fade from your usually bright, curious eyes. He pulled you into him as he sobbed into your shoulder, wishing you’d wrap your arms around him and tell him everything was okay, that there was no reason to cry. But you didn’t, and you never would again. Your team surrounded the two of you, tears running down their cheeks as well as they watched their leader completely break in front of them, their friend tucked in his arms unmoving.

He tried to move on. He knew you wouldn’t want him blaming himself or wallowing in misery on your behalf. He mourned you, he still does, but he needs to keep leading the team, he doesn't have time to let the memories of you being by his side drag him into complete uselessness.

It was hard, it took a long time, but eventually he could remember you, his lover, his everything, without crumpling immediately.

When the team got back to earth, it was raining. He stood outside, face tilted to the sky, just letting the water drench him. The rain reminded him of you, you always told him it was what you missed most about earth.

It was as he stood outside, head facing the endless clouds, lighting striking in the far off distance, enduring the first rainstorm he’d felt since before the Kerberos Mission, that he smiled for the first time since the morning before your final battle.

Lance

Once you had taken your final breath and your gentle hand slipped off his, all composure he had left was out the window. He screamed and sobbed in the middle of that battlefield. His team knew he had a tendency to keep his emotions at bay, so watching him break over your body, knowing there was nothing they could do to help him, was heartbreaking. They all shared his grief, but none on a level even close to him.

You had been his rock, you helped him keep sane and reminded him he wasn’t a horrible person. He sobbed harder as he remembered how excited you were to meet his family once all of you went back to earth.

After a while he just, stopped. He had run out of tears, he had his moment of grief, he had to stand tall and move on now. Or at least that’s what everyone saw. Every single day of his life, he blamed himself. If only he hadn’t let himself get separated from you, if only he’d gotten to you a little sooner, if only, if only, if only. In the end, he knew there was no changing the outcome, but that didn’t stop him from imagining worlds in which you were still by his side.

He never thought he’d dread finally going home, but as the team landed, and a woman that looked eerily familiar came rushing from the building towards them, he felt himself snap. HE crashed to his knees as the woman came up to the group, looking around at each of them.

“Where are they?” she demanded. “Where is my child?” She had tears in her eyes as she noticed Lance on his knees, holding back tears and hugging himself.

“I’m so sorry ma’am,” Shiro started but she just shoved him away.

“You let them die?! My child died in outer space, surrounded by a bunch of strangers, and you didn’t even try to save them?!” She had tears rushing down her cheeks. “Who do you even think you are? Do you think you deserve to ball up because of them? You don’t even know them! No, nevermind, yes, you do deserve to be down there, not out of pity, but out of remorse. This is all your fault, all of you! My child never should’ve come to this stupid place.”

He flinched as he took in the woman's words.

“That is enough ma’am. Your child died honorably, saving people, and they were our family. We aren’t just some strangers, we’re the people your child died for. So, in all due respect, I suggest you back away from your child's mourning lover and stop slandering the life they died protecting.”

Everyone shut up in shock as Keith put your mother in her place, causing her to take a deep shaky breath, tears slipping from her eyes at last as she took in his words.

Hunk

Your hand slipped out of his as your eyes fluttered shut for the final time. He didn’t rage, he didn’t scream or burst, he just silently held you a little longer, his tears running down his cheeks until they ran dry. He didn’t have the energy to leave you yet, he never thought you’d be the one to go first.

The team didn’t know what to do, Hunk had always been the emotional one of the team, never being shy with showing his feelings. He wore his heart on his sleeve without regret, but now, he just looked emotionless.

He tried to distract himself. He threw himself into engineering projects and every mission the team ran he put everything he had into completing. He stopped cooking all together, every time he even so much as looked at the kitchen door, his heart would break slightly more. Memories of the two of you spending hours in that room, cooking with space goo and assorted ingredients you found. It hurt too much to attempt doing something you were both passionate about without you.

He was silent as they finally made it back to earth, his family welcomed him home, having adr him his favorite dessert and everything, but he just didn’t have the heart to enjoy it. The two of you had spent countless hours sharing stories and memories and things you wanted to eat when you finally made it back, and that banana cake had been the one thing you couldn’t wait to try.

He cried himself to sleep that night, wishing he could change the past. It was difficult for him to find something to fight for, a future without you having been something he hadn’t considered since the two of you met at the Garrison all that time ago. He came to the conclusion that his heart would never recover, but that wouldn’t stop him from fighting for the future you so easily described to him, a future where aliens and humans could live in peace, where the Galra weren’t an enemy, where the two of you could live out blissful lives together, having done your time in a war that wasn’t supposed to be yours.

Keith

His breath got shallow as yours ceased, his heart racing as your own stopped all together.

“This can’t be happening. Y/n please! Please open your eyes. Please,” his broken sobs echoed as the Paladins watched him plead with your lifeless body.

They didn’t know what to do. The normally stoic red paladin was shattering before their own eyes, more emotions flooding him than they expected to be possible. It was heartbreaking to say the least.

They had all lost one of their own that day, but none felt it more than the broken boy.

You were his family. You stuck by him on earth when no one else would, you left the Garrison with him just so he wouldn’t be alone, where there was him, there was you, and now you were gone, and he didn’t know how to cope without you.

He changed. He was already pretty closed off from the rest of the team, he never really smiled a lot, he wasn’t an extremely emotional person, but after his outburst that day, he completely shut off everything. Jokes that Lance would tell that would once make him smirk fell on deaf ears, even Hunks cooking and Shiros dadly advice didn’t pull him out of it.

The team learned to just work around his new behavior, wishing he’d go back to being a hothead or something. Anything.

He pushed his hardest on every mission, fighting as though he had absolutely nothing left to lose, because, in his mind, he didn’t. He felt alone in a universe out to get him, he knew he had friends, a team, even family now, but he didn’t have you, and nothing would be the same because of that. He would never be the same reckless, hotheaded, careless red paladin he once was, because he did all of that stuff knowing you’d either back him up or smack him upside the head.

Everyone told him time would ease the pain, but as he brought flowers to the memorial grave they created for you, on the anniversary of that day, he knew that no amount of time given to him would ease the pain he still felt. Because he was too painfully aware that all of that time given to him was time taken from you.

Pidge

Pidge was never exactly one to attach to people, not really, and definitely not so emotionally. Attachment to robots? Sure. But human beings were a whole lot more difficult. Which is why when the two of you admitted to being in a relationship, no one saw it coming or knew what to expect, it was completely uncharted territory.

And now, as Pidge was hovering over your body, swearing to find a way to help you, they once again didn’t know what to do.

Pidge sobbed and made halfhearted promises, telling you that you were going to be okay, but knowing you weren’t, and you never would again. It took the entire team to pry Pidge off your dead body, Pidge immediately begging them to let go, just needing to be near you.

After the shock of it all wore off, Pidge holed up in the garage/workspace, working on this project and that, trying desperately to keep distracted, but nothing worked. Every single thing held a memory, every memory brought you back to life, and every memory would ease and you would just vanish all over again.

Countless nights were spent wrapped up in your clothes, with your blanket, in your/on your side of the bed, weeping into the familiar smell of you. Pidge didn’t express emotions very well, but it was obvious this time. The distracted mindset, the distant gazes, the quiet sobs no one else was supposed to hear, all of it made it glaringly obvious that Pidge was not okay.

Pidge took to wearing your clothing more often than not, determined to keep any and every part of you alive so the memories of you would never fade.

Pidge was never one to attach to people, but Pidge also never imagined a life where you weren’t in it.

Allura

She watched you drop from the other side of the battlefield, a heartbreaking shriek escaping her throat as she watched you fall. In her mind you were supposed to be invincible, you were her wonderful significant other that gave her a reason to keep going, you were always telling her that everything was gonna turn out the way it’s supposed to, that the two of you were gonna make it through anything that could possibly be thrown your way.

She ruthlessly fought her way to you, no longer caring for leaving as little harm as possible. They hurt you, they didn’t deserve her sympathy. Once she finally got to you, the battle had ended and the other Paladins had joined her in surrounding you.

“Help me get them to the pods.” Allura pleaded, clutching your lifeless body. “They have to be okay. They can be healed, we just need to get them to the pods.” She was frantic, emotional, scared, and panicking.

Keith gently grabbed her shoulder. “They’re gone, Allura. They’re already gone.” The Red Paladin pulled her into his arms and let her release everything that day.

Everything following was a blur. The team moved forward with plans and missions, Allura never missing a beat. There were points when the team was concerned with how well she seemed to be doing, she lost her lover and was seemingly perfectly okay. But late at night, if they listened close enough, they could here the stifled, choked sobs of the princess as she got out all the pent up emotions in preparation for the next exhausting day of not letting her personal life interfere with the mission.

»»»»»»»»»«««««««««

I might be the only one that got emotional™️ during this one, but I hope you all enjoyed🌸

~Admin Rori💜

[winterscaptain]

and the last one for now (till we get more of the 100 arc) - we kinda need a director's cut on enough? 🥺 (BECAUSE YOU SPOIL US WITH SHOWING HIS RECOVERY).

anything for you my love! (i have a LOT of these coming, so i’ll queue them up through the rest of the week :))

commentary in bold italics because i cant figure out how to do the fancy colors

You knock on his door, takeout in your hand. “It’s me!”

After a minute of silence on the other side of the door, you take your keys out of your pocket and start to open the door. “Don’t shoot me. I’m using my keys.” You move to open it, and the chain is in place. 

Okay I just love the fact that they have a key to his apartment?? After everything he’s been through and how unsafe he feels in his home? I’m soft. 

Damn it, Aaron. 

Then - 

Is he okay?

The transition to light panic here was really important to me - I wanted to establish right away that the threat and the fear was still there, and the last time they couldn’t find Aaron, he was stabbed nine (!!) times.

“Aaron?” You call through the gap in the door. You leave the keys in the door and pull your phone out of your pocket, hitting the first number on your speed dial. 

You hear his phone ring, a smack, and both from down the hallway and through the speaker (with an echo): “Hotchner.” 

“I’m here with dinner. Open the door.” 

His voice is thick with sleep. “You have a key, right?”

“The chain is on. I’m surprised I didn’t trip the alarm.” 

He makes a little dissatisfied noise and hangs up. I love him. You can hear him plant his feet and walk down the hallway. You smile a little at him as he approaches the door, almost looking inconvenienced as he shuts it, removes the chain lock, and opens it again. 

“Are you seriously upset that I brought you food?” 

No, dear, that’s just his face. 

He shakes his head and steps back, letting you in before closing it.  “No, sorry. I just didn’t mean to fall asleep.” 

You take stock of him as he turns his back on you and sits on the couch, settling with a slowness that looks painful. You set the food down and then return to lock the door. It’s easier for him to answer your question when you’re not looking at him. 

I love how well they know him. Like...he refuses to be vulnerable with the rest of the team, and even with them, he only feels safe when he can’t be seen. 

“How are you feeling?”

A sigh. “Alright.” 

And yet...

You look over your shoulder as you slide the chain lock back into place. “Don’t lie to me. It won’t work.” 

His head is in the takeout bag as he answers, still avoiding your eyes. “I’m sore and I can’t sleep at night and everything is healing slower than I want.”

There we go. There we go, indeed. 

You sit beside him. “Do your dressings need to be changed?” 

“I got most of them earlier, and Jess came over to help me yesterday, but there are a few that need to wrap around and I can’t -” He stops with a huff. “I can’t reach without -”

You put a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I got it.” 

His jaw is tight, shaky. “Thanks.” 

Hotch and them just communicate with each other so well. They can understand what he needs and how he needs it presented to him. 

“First,” you say, grabbing one of the boxes, “food.” 

There’s a grateful little pull of his lips as you dig in. The news is on, but you pick up the remote and change it to some ridiculous reality TV program. 

“I was watching that.” 

“No you weren’t.” 

He wasn’t. 

This made me LAUGH like you wouldn’t believe. My parents do this all the time and it always makes me smile. 

You avoid his exasperated eyes as you set the remote on your side of the couch - farther than he can reach without stretching. 

You eat together in silence, the trainwreck on the television only marginally holding your attention. When you glance at him, you catch the side of his face twinge when he reaches for his glass of water.

“You know, not taking your pain meds doesn’t make you Captain America. It just makes you stupid, and in pain.” 

This is the piece of dialogue that got me started on this little fic. I was like “wait a minute - this fucker won’t take his meds and he’ll need someone to take care of him and the writers DEPRIVED us of joy so maybe i’ll just give myself a little joy, as a treat.

He levels you with a glare. 

+++

“Stop squirming.” 

“Sorry.” 

We love starting in the middle of a conversation/activity. I really hate writing build-up to stuff if it’s not actually relevant, so I’ve kind of worked on making scene starts feel active without being too abrupt. I’ve been known to write full on scenes and then just chop the shit out of them for pacing and structure. 

My outtakes document is like 25 pages long because I never really get rid of anything. 

With gentle fingers, you tape and tuck gauze around one of the wounds on his ribs. He flinches, a little pained noise leaving his throat. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Your fingers flutter for a second before setting back to work. Reaching blindly behind you, you grab the roll of gauze wrapping. “Hang on for just a second - this isn’t going to feel good.” 

He takes a deep breath (as deep as he can, anyway, considering his injuries), and you begin wrapping the dressing around his ribs, passing the roll from one hand to the other. He grits his teeth whenever it pulls the right amount, and your lower lip disappears between your teeth. 

I probably watched Aaron being in pain in carious episodes for close to an hour while putting this together. It sucked. 

“I’m going to tuck it in front so you can reach it, okay?”

He nods, his eyes closed. 

You’re sitting on his desk while he’s perched on the edge of his chair, his arm resting along the back - up and out of the way. This is the only place in the apartment he’s comfortable removing his shirt. 

Every other room has a mirror or a big window. 

ALRIGHT we’re gonna touch on Aaron’s insecurities here - we see his growth and confidence shift by the time we see him and Reader in mean it, where he feels comfortable when they take his shirt off and see his scars. 

“Okay, one more.”

You’ve saved the hardest one for last, but it has to go in that order. It’s the one just above his collarbone, right off the hollow of his throat, that needs the most attention and frequent changes. 

I noticed this dressing - the one right below his neck - on my final rewatch of Faceless, Nameless. I was scanning for things I missed, not looking at anything I’d seen before, and that just stood out to me. Thus, we got the extension of this scene that was originally going to end with “Every other room...window.” 

You tip his chin with the tip of your finger, giving you more space to work. 

Okay I didn’t even touch on the touching in this one. I think this is the most contact they’ve ever had, and I think something shifts in their friendship after this. 

Gingerly pulling at the tape, you remove the soiled dressing. Aaron’s breath comes as deep as he can through his teeth. When it quickens, you stop. 

You readjust so he can keep his head where it is and you can sit in his eye line. He meets your eyes with a tight jaw. 

Yes, we are mirroring the shaving scene in mean it here! There are a lot of mirror moments between that fic and this one - a kind of breakthrough of intimacy in both cases. 

“What can I do, Aaron?”

He closes his eyes again and tilts his head further to the side. “Just keep going.” 

The tears come unbidden into your eyes as you continue your work, but your hands and breath are steady. They are so moved to his pain it literally made me cry. I just thought of the way their hands must have shook and like...the sight of the wound itself. My best friend was hospitalized two years ago, and even seeing her in any pain just brought me straight to tears. For these two, where that’s so part of their everyday, I can’t even fathom it. You can hear him match his breath to yours and you’re thankful for your relative composure.  

The wound still looks wretched - angry and red and black and blue and weeping - but it’s not infected. 

You hold a towel up and he gingerly presses it to his chest while you reach for the wound wash, hiding your face from him. This is as much about protecting themself as it is about protecting Aaron. 

“Thirty seconds, thirty seconds,” you assure him. “Do you want me to count?”

I like the implication that they’ve counted the thirty seconds for him before, so I left it there. 

He shakes his head. “Just do it.” 

You shoot a gentle stream of the solution across the open tissue, held together by more stitches than you want to count, both internal and external. There are SO many delicate little ligaments and muscle fibers in the neck and upper chest - I asked my dad about it (reminder: he’s a former paramedic from Alameda county where paramedics can make an execute medical decisions lmao) and he said neck and clavicle injuries were a nightmare. Apparently, it’s like a minefield in there. The other arteries and delicate tissues of the body dont have so many key items, but the neck (obviously) does, with lots of room to damage upper and lower respiratory tracks. Thus...Lots of stitches. Anguished noises leave his chest through his teeth and you know he’s trying to suppress them with unsteady breath. His eyes are shut impossibly tight, and you can see unauthorized tears gathering in the corners. 

Unauthorized tears came to me while I was searching in vain for an appropriate adjective here. I didn’t want to just say that he was crying - it wasn’t good enough. I wanted to demonstrate that he didn’t want to cry, that neither one of them wanted to make the other feel badly for their own anguish. 

This is always the hardest part, and you’ve never gotten through it without crying. You hate how much he hurts. It’s like you can feel it yourself, the sting, the bone-deep ache, the throbbing. 

Tears fall down your cheeks, some landing on your shirt and others wandering down your throat. 

Even then, he knows you don’t pity him. 

If he thought that, he wouldn’t let you anywhere near him.

You wash and dab, wash and dab, until the wound is clean and fluid-free, apologizing the whole time. You throw both the wash and gauze to the side and reach for fresh wrapping while swiping at your eyes. 

Fuck. 

“Just a second.” 

You’ve touched your face, so now you have to wash your hands. Again. We love good hygiene practice! You leave him and go into the kitchen, wash and dry your hands, and return to him. 

He catches your eyes before you settle back down. There’s something behind his eyes you can’t name, and it sends something flying around your body. 

That’s love, babey!! Haley smacked sense into him since last we talked and Reader has NO clue! Wild! I love dramatic irony!

You always feel a little guilty for your tears, but he understands. He thought for a moment, in the beginning, about what he would do if the situation was reversed. 

I can just see Aaron thinking of this, almost getting stuck on it. He’s so sensory-oriented, so grounded in sensation and memory, that he would force himself to feel the full brunt of a hypothetical scenario where Reader is seriously injured. 

He doesn’t have to imagine too hard because of course he remembers the gunshot wound in through and through, but it would be different if they were hospitalized or something. 

After scant seconds of consideration, he had decided he could never be as composed as you, as vulnerable and open as you. He could never offer to clean and dress your wounds - the thought of causing you pain of any sort, even helpful pain, was unbearable. 

Besides that, he would be so angry that you were hurt at all and wouldn’t be able to keep his hands steady. 

Nothing like the barely-contained rage of cis white men born in the 1960′s! (Or maybe I’m just projecting my father here....anyways.....)

At the very least, he would probably scare you with the intensity of his fury. Anyone who ever laid a hand on you would be subject to a wrath comparable to that of God. 

And Aaron’s mom is Catholic, so he would know. 

I can’t wait to have more Mama Hotch! (For those of you who haven’t gotten to the reality check trilogy, I’ve named her Evelyn because a. it was popular when she was born and b. I needed Aaron’s mom to have a soft and elegant name) 

There is not a moment where he takes your execution of this particular task for granted. He knows how difficult it is. He thinks, perhaps, that this is the bravest act of love he’s ever seen. 

I love the way Aaron shows love. He’s adoring in kind of a different way, brave in a different way. There’s so much hiding beneath him if you know where and how to look. I don’t think people, either in the show or in the fandom or in general, really look critically at him that way. 

But could you love him?

Love?

No. 

Too old. Too broken. Too divorced. Too married to work. Too poor a father. Too many other things that make me wholly undeserving. 

He couldn’t, wouldn’t, subject you to himself. 

God I mean there is SO MUCH in him that internalizes EVERYTHING. He thinks everything is his fault and I just????? Ugh.

He’s satisfied loving you in silence. He’d done it for a while now, he realized, after his conversation with Haley. 

It would have to be enough.

It would have to be enough to watch you carry on with your joyful, vibrant life. 

It would have to be enough to watch your face light up for someone who loves you, who puts a ring on your finger and makes you happy. 

It would have to be enough to spoil your children if and when you became a parent, to hold the title ‘Uncle Aaron’ instead of ‘Dad.’

I added this last bit as almost an afterthought, and it was the one everyone seemed to love the most. Looking back, it’s my favorite too. 

It would have to be enough to know you would outlive him and die loved. 

It would have to be enough. 

You pick up your tools again, using three fingertips this time to tip his head to the side at the temple. He almost smiles. 

Here, I think its the juxtaposition between the direction of his thoughts and their gentle touch that makes him smile. It’s not a happy one, but I think its one of acceptance. He’s in a place, in this moment, where he actually trusts that they’ll be there. 

“What?”

He shakes his head the barest amount and raises his eyebrows. “Nothing.” 

I think they would have told them, if there was some way to explain it. But there wasn’t. 

With a roll of your still-watery eyes, you get back to work, folding and pressing the gauze to the wound with a light, even pressure. You try to ignore Aaron’s hiss as the smile dissolves off his face, replaced by restraint and pain. 

Holding the pad in place with one hand, you take the tape, hanging the roll on your thumb while you pull with your other hand. You tape all around the perimeter of it, gently warming the adhesive against his skin. 

“Alright. Almost done.” 

You have him hold the end right under the wound while you stand to better get around him. Once, like a sash, around his shoulder and across his back and under his other arm, once around his ribs, repeat. 

Again, you tear and tuck it in front so he can reach, and gently pat it into place. 

When it’s low-profile enough to disappear under his shirt -

“Finished.” 

You turn and gather everything into the little bin that lives under his bathroom counter before he can say anything. And this is their way of hiding from him. I purposefully focused in on Hotch’s inner monologue during this part, instead of Reader’s. We already know how they feel and how much they love him and yet deny it from here to next year. I thought it was much more interesting to examine Aaron’s acceptance of his feelings in this moment. He watches you, and you can feel his eyes at your back. 

The first time you came to visit after he got home, he was worried you’d look at him differently, was worried you’d pity him. 

This was originally up where the first mention of pity is, but I needed that inner moment with Aaron before I went back to a recollection. 

He shouldn’t have.

You showed up at the door looking at him just the same way you always did. He wasn’t sure quite what way that was, exactly, but it was the same. 

The first time you offered to help him with his dressings, he refused outright. It was only when you saw that a wound on his left side had ripped a little and bled through his shirt that you wrestled him down and took care of it. 

Harder still than exposing his pain? Taking off his shirt. You’d reached for the top button the first time and he flinched like he’d been burned. 

He refused to meet your eyes. 

This little memory was SUCH a clear image in my head - it was such a struggle to figure out where and how to include it. I was happy that I found a way to do it in a way that wasn’t jarring and didn’t detract.

“What on earth are you so afraid of?”

He opened his mouth as if he was going to raise his voice at you, but then snapped it shut, his jaw working. His eyes were trained on the carpet. 

“Hey.” 

He looked at you somewhat reluctantly. 

“It’s just me.”

I know, he thought, that’s the problem. 

“This,” you gesture to his general torso area, “is not going to scare me or freak me out. What does freak me out, however -” You point at him with a packet of sterile gauze. “- is the thought of you trying to do this on your own, ripping your stitches, you not going back to the hospital, getting infected, going septic, and having a generally bad time.”

He finally speaks, the barest bit of sarcasm in his tone. “That’s quite a reach, isn’t it?”

You shoot him a withering look. “If you can look me in the eye and tell me you’d willingly go back to get your stitches fixed every time you ripped them, I’ll leave you alone.” 

He won't meet your eyes again, looking like a guilty child as his eyes wander to the corner of the room with a bit of a squint. 

You made your point rather elegantly. 

You pass him his shirt over your shoulder and he takes it, slipping his arms into the sleeves. 

BECAUSE IT’S NORMAL. Reader simply doesn’t acknowledge his vulnerability because they don’t need to. They just accept it in him and make it safe. 

His ridiculous number of button ups were coming in handy, especially considering the increased risk of stains. You’ve soaked more shirts in peroxide in the last week than you care to count. 

Occupational hazard, I guess. 

Getting blood out of dress shirts is an ART and Reader has MASTERED it.

You pick up the little bin and take it back into the bathroom, your fingers tracing over the framed photos of Haley and Jack in the hall as you pass. 

There’s one of you and Haley, too, at some sort of summer function where you were all together. If you aren’t mistaken, Jess took the photo as you and Haley lounged in lawn chairs, laughing.

I love these little scenes that are captured in pictures. Most of the pictures I write in are not only for implicit characterization, but to capture little images and scenes I can’t find context for, or aren’t something I can put into a fic in any kind of neat and orderly way. 

So, just like in my head, they live in still or just-moving-a-little images. 

Another one of the two of you sits on the dresser in Aaron’s bedroom. You’ve never seen it. 

It’s another Jess-capture. Haley has Jack in her arms, kissing him on one cheek with a smile while you press a kiss to the other, eyes shut tight. One of your hands rests lightly on Haley’s arm, the other makes bunny ears over Jack’s head. The boy’s face is all crinkled like he hates it, but Aaron knows that photo was bookended by a screech of laughter and many, many giggles. 

It’s times like this where I wish I could draw Reader, so I could take this and paint it. I still might try with a vague impression of them....But I’m not sure. 

+++

You bounce into the office in the morning, looking no worse for wear even after spending the night on Aaron’s couch. 

Hey, it’s a comfortable couch.

The pair of you stayed out on the couch watching bad movies far later than you meant to, but it’s alright. 

I just LOVE this image. 

Not the first time that’s happened. 

You could neither confirm nor deny that Aaron slept, but you saw, through his open bedroom door, that he was still and quiet for most of the night. 

The open door was an important detail here. Naturally, Aaron would want to close himself off to as much of a threat as possible, but I think he actually feels safer with the door open when Reader is there just outside of it, rather than the alternative. 

“You look chipper this morning,” Penelope notes. 

You shrug. “I slept well last night.” 

“How’s Hotch?” Emily asks. 

Oh, gals you have no idea how related those questions are. 

That’s another mirror moment to mean it, by the way. 

You make a little wavering noise. “About how you’d expect, but alright.” 

It’s later in the day when Dave pulls you aside and thanks you, wrapping you in his arms. 

You lean into him and you’re almost frustrated, but not surprised, when tears press at your eyes again. It seems you’re made of them, these days. 

“We’re so lucky to have you.”

You shake your head, burrowing into his shoulder. “Other way around.” 

He pulls back and kisses you on the cheek, patting your other one affectionately before offering his hand to you. “Agree to disagree?”

You roll your eyes and shake on it. 

“Sure, Dave. Sure.” 

This reminds me of that little scene in redamancy when Dave and Mom are talking about how much he deserves to have one of the babies named after him. 

And thus concludes director’s commentary for enough!! I’m always happy to answer process questions if y’all have any!!

[xmalereader]

Kylo Ren X Modern! Male Reader

1/2

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|| Masterlist ||

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Summary: Reader lives on earth, far away from Kylo Ren and somehow he is able to see him one day during kylos training, he feels the readers force and tries to search for him but can’t. So, in order to find him he has to talk to him through the force.

Warnings: Force Sensitive, bullying, soft Kylo, slight angst.

-

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“Your shorter than I expected, but then again. I’m a little surprised on how someone like you can see me.”

He suddenly opens his eyes, waking up from the strange dream. He could hear the sound of chirping birds and the sun was shinning through his closed curtains. He turns his head to the left to see his alarm clock proped up on his nightstand. It read, 7:45AM. He doesn’t want to get up and he really doesn’t want to deal with anything or anyone today. He’s already struggling enough, what more could he go through?

“Y/n, it’s time to wake up!!” He hears his mother shout from downstairs. The older male groans in frustration and drapes the covers over his head, waiting for his mother to come and get him out of bed because their is no way in hell that he is leaving this amazing bed of his.

—

He groans once he’s forced down to sit on the dinning table with breakfast ready. “You were suppose to be up already, doctor said that you can’t over sleep when your on medication.” Said his mother as she walks around the kitchen, cleaning the dirty dishes and pots that she’s used the day before.

Y/n could only sigh and poke at his food. He wasn’t really hungry, he was never hungry in the mornings but yet again, he was always forced to eat something. “Is dad still in town?” He suddenly asks and shoved a forkful of food into his mouth, listening to the water run and his mother scrubbing off the disgusting food that stuck on the plates. “Yes, he’s still in town and I have to go too. So you stay out here in the country house and try to relax, remember the doctor said-“

“-said that I should spend some time out in nature to keep myself and my thoughts relaxed.” Y/n cuts in to finish off his mother’s sentence before leaning his head to the side and sighing again. “Can’t I just stay here alone without you or dad checking up on me daily? I’m a grown Man.”

“Twenty is an adult age but you don’t act like a grown man.” She cleans her hands and drys them off. She approached her son and reached out to gently stroke his hair, he could feel her trembling hands as he reached out to grab her by the wrist and gently push her hand away. “Just go to town with dad, I know that he needs you more than I do.” He whispered out.

He caught a glance of his mother’s smile but he avoids it.

“Please be careful and take your meds.” She says on last time before leaving the cottage, he hears the door lock and the sound of the car engine starting and driving down the road. Once the sound goes faint he stands up Harshly and grabs his plate full of food and dumps it into the trash can. He never eats his mother’s cooking or any of his parents cooking, he knows that they pour his medication into his food since he refused to take them awhile back. But now that he’s alone, they can’t stop him.

He makes sure to grab each bottle he finds around the house and empties them out into the sink with a frown on his face.

He was stuck here.

Ever since that voice came to his head it wouldn’t seem to go away and it was slowly making him go insane. Not physically but it was driving him crazy on just hearing that bickering voice speak to him, he’s tried many ways to cut it out but it always finds a way back in. He remembers when he told his parents and expected them to understand but that only worried them, causing him to meet up with a doctor and therapist.

They thought their son was losing his mind, which is why he’s stuck out here in the country side. His parents thought that it was best for him to stay away from the city and towns since he got into a fight with one of his college classmates for calling him crazy, he just lost it and suddenly attacked the poor kid but he didn’t regret it one bit.

His parents were keeping him locked away, they were afraid of him and yet they still try to help when he knows that theirs no way for him to get better.

Once he finishes dumping out all of his meds he tossed the rest of the empty bottles away. He makes his way around the cottage and heads upstairs to his own room to change properly and possibly go outside and take a walk around the woods.

“I Can sense you.”

Y/n was tying his shoes when he hears the voice again, causing him to freeze in place.

“But your too far away.”

He quickly shakes off the voice and brings up a wall that’ll block it out. He’s been teaching himself ways to keep the voice away and it’s worked a couple of times but his walls were never strong enough to hold.

He ignores the voice and finishes up with his laces before grabbing a jacket and rushing down the stairs, he makes sure to grab his phone and headphones before stepping outside.

The cottage was located on the out skirts of London. His father was born and raised here while his mother was born and raised in America, which leaves him. He was born in America but raised in London. He didn’t gain a heavy accent like his parents did and instead kept his mouth shut. He was the odd one of the family of three and he didn’t care, he was always alone and he’ll always be.

Once he plugs in his earbuds he starts to play some music, picking up a stick as he makes his way through the woods. He swings the stick around like a child would and continued to move up a small hill that lead him to a perfect view of the forest. He stood on top of the hill with a small smile on his face, the only thing he enjoyed in his life right now was this view. Everyday he would come up here only to relax and try and clear his thoughts if posible but today he somehow felt different. He felt a shift deep down inside of him, but what was it?

Y/n tosses his stick to the side and sighs. Listening to the music fade away into the background as he yanks off his earbuds and ticks them into his shirt. He enjoys the silence for a while.

“I can see you now.”

Y/n gasps and turns around to see a tall man all dress in black, he has his arms behind his back and he held a strong stern look. “Who are you?” He suddenly asks and slowly backs away from the stranger.

“You Can see me now, that’s good it took you awhile to clear that head of yours.”

The other chuckled nervously and shakes his head. “I’ve finally cracked, this is all in my head just my imagination.” He tells himself as he turns around to face away the man.

“This isn’t your imagination, this is real.” Said the dark tall Man. He was examining y/n, his eyes moved up and down his body and frowns. “I can only see you, but I can’t see your surroundings.”

“Are you supposed to see what’s around me?” Y/n asks and looks around, hoping that he was alone and that no one could see him talking to a stranger that could or could not be real. “Your strong enough to block out your surroundings.” He added which only left the other adult even more confused.

“Listen, I don’t know who you are and you don’t know who I am. Your just the voice in my head who’s finally taken a form to mess with me, I’ve already lost enough and I can’t let this continue on!” He shouts at him and reached out for his earbuds but notices that they are missing from his shirt. “What?”

—

“I need a location for this.” The supreme leader hands the earbuds to one of his generals and waits for them to analyze it. “What are your trying to find?” Asked general Hux as he stands next to Kylo with a frown on his face as the other waits for the results. “I may have found another force-senstive but he’s powerful. I tried to communicate with the scavenger girl but instead I was taken to someone else. He doesn’t know that he has the force.” He explains to Hux before tilting his head to the side, feeling the others concern about this strange young man that he’s suddenly stumbled upon. “Wherever he is from, we can bring him here and I can train him.” He finally says.

Before Hux could reply the other general comes back and hands the earbuds back to the supreme leader. “Sir, these come from a planet that doesn’t exist on our maps. It was erased many many years ago.” She says and bites her lip. “What is the planet?” He asks. “Earth, sir.”

“Earth? I’ve heard of that planet before is located far away from our solar system and it’s forbidden for us to cross their atmosphere. I heard that the people that live on that planet are considered weak and selfish. They dont know how to control anything.” Said Hux with a grin on his face. He watched as kylo stares at the strange earbuds and puts them inside his own pockets. “Set corse to earth and get my ship ready.” He orders to the general.

“Are you mad? These people dont know anything about the solar system and how there are more things out here. They’ll easily detect you.” Hux follows his leader around the finalizer. “Then let them know, ill only pick up the boy and come back.” He reached his quarters and watched as the door slides open. Hux stops and stands just outside the doorway. “I hope you know what you are doing.” He said before the doors close in front of him.

—

“I need new headphones.” Y/n tells his mother once she enters the cottage. “You what?” She tilts her head to the side in confusion and makes her way to the kitchen where she sets down the bags full of food. “My last ones broke and I need new ones, I dont care if they are the cheap ones I just need a pair to block out the voice...” he whispered the last part softly while avoiding her eyes. It’s been two years since he’s last made eye contact with his parents, he can feel their fear that he sometimes fears of even looking at them.

His mother sighs and placed a hand on her face in frustration. “Okay, I’ll go into town tomorrow and get you a new pair.” She says and turns back to put away the groceries. Y/n can only stand their and watch her work before he finally decides to speak up. “Why dont you go rest? I’ll put everything away.” He approached her and takes the bag from her hands and gave a small smile. She sighs sadly with a smile and nods, “Thank you darling.” She pats his shoulder and leaves the kitchen to allow him to work in silence.

Once she was gone, y/n began to take out everything from the bags and set them on the table so that he could easier and faster. “You seem to have a complicated relationship with your mother.”

Y/n gasps and jumps at the sudden voice. He turns around to see the same stranger standing in front of him this time. “Get out of my head.” He hisses out quietly not wanting his mother to hear him. The other chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m not in your head, you’re like an open book. You’re allowing me to see all of this.”

“What are you talking about?” Y/n walks pass him and began to put away the canned food into the cabinets. Trying to ignore the other, “You think that I’m a voice in your head but I’m not. This is real, its all real.” He held up y/n’s earbuds in his hand to show him that he wasnt hallucinating. “Where did you get those?” Y/n asks and reaches out to take them. Once his hand takes the earbuds back he feels the other brush his gloved fingers against his palm, causing him to flinch away. His eyes widen in fright. “How-?”

“I’m just like you.” He says.

Y/n licks his lips nervously and steps back. “If you aren’t an illusion than what are you?” He suddenly asks.

“I’m a human being like you; they call me Kylo Ren.”

Suddenly he’s froze in place with his eyes widen open as he thinks back to all of his previous dreams. He remembers seeing a man dressed in black, wearing a helmet and holding a sword that was a bright red color and it glowed. He could hear the crackling sound of the sword. He also remembers seeing multiple people dressed the same way. “The knights of ren.” He whispers out.

Kylo hears him speak those words and steps forward. “How do you know that?” He asks. How did y/n know about the knights of ren, he’s been trying to search for months and he hasn’t gotten anything from them yet. “I don’t, It was all a dream.” He replies back to kylo and grips his headphones in his hand and shakes his head. “I’ve been having dreams like that for days now but I tend to ignore it. It means nothing to me.” With that he turns back to putting away the groceries, once everything is away he makes sure that the kitchen is clean before he began to heat up some water for his tea.

“You can’t ignore these visions.”

“Visions?” Y/n laughs out and grabs a mug from the sink. “These aren’t Visions, they are dreams.” He states.

“In those visions, did you see yourself?” Kylo suddenly asks as Y/n stares out the window and sighs. “No, I only saw a group of people dressed in black while wealing weapons but there was one that held a very peculiar sword. It was red and it glowed, I remember hearing it turn on or something it was strange.” He shakes his head and hears the kettle go from. He walks over to the stove and removes the kettle from the hot surface and began to pour himself some tea. “But like I said they aren’t visions but dreams.” He turns around to see Kylo staring at him with a strange look on his face which only left the other staring back in confusion.

“What?”

Kylo slowly speaks. “You’re mother, she’s watching you.”

His eyes widen at the mention of his mother. He turns around in one quick motion to see her standing by the entrance of the kitchen. Her eyes were red and full of tears as she stared at her own son. “Mom...” he could feel her emotions.

She was fearing and she was upset, the man in front of her wasnt her son anymore but a stranger to her. “Mom?”

“She cant see me.” Said kylo which only worsened the situation for y/n. His mother jus taught him talking to no one which only makes things worse fo him. “You’ve lost it now.” She says all of a sudden causing y/n to flinch at her words.

[luthien-t]

The Sun Will Shine. (Chapter Three)

Summary: Thanos invaded the asgardians ship & Thor called for back up. Being a liable paramedic, you gather your tools and went to space. You end up being injured during battle but Thanos was defeated, what will you do when you find out your lover, Loki suffered more than just a few battle scars? But then again, no one is ever really gone.

Chapter Summary: Summary: You tell your teammates about your plans and proceed to find a place to begin your search for Loki

Wordcount: 2.0+K

A/N: Hiii, I finally got out of writers block and was able to write something, Im not very proud of this chapter but I dont want to stop writing it oop, tell me what you think!! I also want to organise my account and make a masterlist but im not sure when will i do that oop, anyways, Enjoy reading this!!

Morning came and you slowly walked towards the kitchen shared in the tower, everyone was here, except Thor. You sigh quietly, remembering yesterdays conversation you had with him. Everyone was busy with their own breakfast and coffee, Tony was reading his notepad, Natasha was making pancakes, Wanda was helping Steve wash the dishes.

“Good morning, y/n!” Bucky smiled softly & you smiled back to him before sitting down on the chair next to him, playing with the hem of your hoodie. You knew you had to say it, you just didn’t know how, Hey, guys I’ve decided to leave the compound cause I will be looking for Loki cause he’s not dead!! As if thats easy to say.

You run a hand through your hair as you noticed that everyone stopped whatever they were doing and was looking at you, that was when you realised that you had said those words out loud.

“I’m sorry, what??” Tony said. 

“What do you mean what?” You sit back on the chair and cross your arms. Even if you didn’t mean to say it out loud, that doesn’t mean you weren’t not going to do it.

“y/n. I thought we talked about this?” Wanda chimes in. 

“Woah, woah, woah. Talked about this?!” Tony starts, his voice going an octave higher in the end. “When did this happen?!” He looks at you waving his hands around, emphasising this and you shrug. “Last night.” You look up at him and continue. “I found a journal between my books and the more I read into the english words the more I realised that Loki not…” You shrug again. “You know..” 

 “Wait, english words?” He sits down in the chair in front of you and crosses his arm on top of the table. “So, you’re telling me? Dead reindeer games had a journal full of different languages for you to find him?” You shut your eyes at the new nickname he has for Loki, sure Tony always disliked Loki, wether it was because of New York, which was years ago, or just because he was always messing around with Tony. Well, Loki never cared about being on Tonys good side and that always bothered him, but for him to just simply mention Loki with the word dead in the same sentence, it caused your heart to ache. 

 “He is not dead!” You got out of your chair and looked down at Tony before sighing and running a hand through your hair. “Look, all I’m asking for is a little bit of help, we have nothing else to do now that Thanos is gone.” Everyone in the kitchen was looking at you both, it was getting quite and you looked at everyone while they avoided your eyes, you chuckle softly and nod before walking out of the kitchen and back to your room. 

How could they refuse to help you when all you ever done to them was nothing but help them, you grabbed your bags not bothering to change your pyjamas and wore your shoes when you heard a knock on the door, you ignored it and kept grabbing any necessity you might need in the future. 

“Let me see the journal.” It was Tony, you shook your head and went into the closet pretending to pack but only to hide the fact that you were tearing up.

He sighs “Y/n, I’m sorry for the way I reacted in the kitchen, you know that I am just looking out for you and I don't want you to be in denial, I know that you’re hurt-“

You walked out of the closet and handed him the journal. “Here, go ahead, tell me I’m going crazy.” Your voice broke and tears keeping piling in your eyes. He looked at you and frowned before pulling you into a tight hug. You barely had the energy to hug him back but your body kept shaking with the sobs that you have been trying to hold inside of you. He kept repeating how sorry he was for how he reacted but it didn’t matter, it did not change the fact that he might be right. 

You stood there for a few minutes before pulling away and turning around to wipe your tears, he gave you the privacy that you needed while looking through the journal. You heard him sigh. “Y/n, I’m sorry but- none of this make any sense, not even the english. He was just messing with you,”  was…You turn around and look at him, anger flashes through your eyes for quick second. 

“He is.” You say before taking the book from him and putting it in your bag. 

“Look, Tony, thank you for somewhat trying” You sniff and zip the bag closed. “But I’m starting to feel like I have to do this on my own.” You sigh loudly and look up at him, biting your lips to stop yourself from crying. He frowns and nod slightly. “I really am sorry.” He says quietly while watching you carry your bags. He wants to stop you from leaving, “Give yourself time to heal, at least, maybe we can watch a movie? Take the week off? Like you said, we have nothing to do now that Thanos is gone.” He chuckles, tying to lighten up the mood. He still believes that Loki is really gone and he doesn’t want to see you drown in a make-believe world where Loki isn’t actually gone. You continue to ignore him as you zip the rest of the bags and he sighs.

“Look-“ He looks at your bags and then back at you. “Where will you go?” He says as he grab one of your bags for you, If he can’t give you the information that you are looking for, he will at least try to show you the he wants to be there for you. 

“Some apartment.” A short answer. He nods again, you want to tell him where but then that will mean he or anyone from the team will slow you down or try to bring you back to the tower. 

“Do you need a car?” You shake your head and walk towards the elevator, Natasha sees you and notices the bag, she gets up to protest but Tony stops her with a raise of his hand before pressing on the elevators button, when the elevator arrives you take the bag from him and get inside. You smile softly at him before looking behind him to find Natasha and Sam and smile again, tears start gathering in your eyes again and you look back at Tony before the elevator door closes and thank him. 

You can hear Natasha yelling at Tony the second the door completely shut and her voice slowly fades away as the elevator descends to the ground floor. 

You are thankful that Tony did not press for more information and that he did not ask you to stay, you know the rest of the team are going to go against him for letting you leave so easily, but that did not matter to you, the only person that ever truly mattered to you was Loki. I mean, you loved every single person on the team with you, but Loki is different, it always has been, since the beginning. 

“Lady y/n!” You saw Thor practically running toward you while carrying his brother. You dropped the file of the patient in front of you and ran towards him while the other nurses pushed a hospital bed towards Thor and his unconscious brother. “What happened?” You said as you helped him lay Loki on the bed. You checked his pressure and started inspecting his body for any injury. 

The past couple of months since your first encounter with Loki, you learnt that Odins punishment for what he did to New York was to live in New York and do good to equal the bad he had done in the past. You also grew closer, your night shifts in the Med-bay also grew more interesting with Loki there to entertain you, you two would talk forever, but would also sit in silence forever, there was this invisible sheet of comfort around you two no matter what the situation was. With each passing day, your feelings towards him grew stronger. So, seeing him unconscious on the hospital bed worried you. 

“We were practising in the training room and I might have attacked him too hard” Thor said as he looked down at Loki. “So I knew I had to get help.” He continued as a smile slowly grew on his face, he might have noticed the bewildered look on your face because he chuckled and patted Loki on the chest before leaving. You shook your head with confusion and grabbed the oxygen mask, so focused on your craft, you didn’t see Loki opening his eyes and grabbing your wrist. “Jeez!” You yelped and pulled your wrist from his grip. 

“What on earth do you think you’re doing?!” You looked down at him, he smirked at you before opening his mouth. “Well he did get help.” He chuckled and sat up. 

“Get help?! What game are you playing?” You looked at him with furrowed brows. He chuckled again, which only added more to your confusion. He noticed and grabbed the oxygen mask from your hands and crossed his legs. 

“Well, he kept asking me questions about us and felt the need to help us by getting me to do get help with him. I didn’t mean to cause any distractions” He looked around the med-bay then back at you. 

“Were you worried about me?” He smirked this time. Your eyes widen slightly and you grabbed the mask from his hands to put it back where it was, giggling nervously. “Of course I was worried, Loks”

Everything he just said kept repeating in your head and causing more confusion. 

“What is going, Loki? What do you mean by us? There is no us.” You say as you start tidying up the area around you to distract you from whatever joke he is about to say. 

“That is what I told him, he knows how I feel about mortals” He chuckled and jumped off the bed and walked towards you.

Right, you’re a mortal, how could you forget? He is a literal god, your feelings towards him will never change the fact that he only sees you as a ‘mortal’. Distracted by your own thoughts you didn’t see him standing behind you, waiting for you to notice, you swallow hard and turn around to face him.

There was a look on his face, like he knew something you didn’t. That look always captivated you, making you want to know more about him. 

“But…” He looked down at you and messed with the buttons on your lab coat.

“But…?” You repeated his word back to him, earning a chuckle from him.

“But you’re not that kind of mortal to me, your soul is no mortal, your eyes have seen more from this world and your spirit speaks to me like it has been here longer than you have. When I speak of your kind, I don’t think of you like I think of them.” He smiled.

“Loki, I’m- I don’t understand-“

“You foolish mortal, I wish that you could understand what you do to me. I wish you could see how everyone thinks that there is an ‘us’” He whispered to you and slowly leaned his forehead against yours. 

“But I thought-“ 

“You thought, wrong.” His eyes flickered down to your lips and that was when you understood what he meant by ‘get help’, you took his quick glances at your lips as a hint and kissed him. And ever since that day, you two have become more inseparable.

Distracted by your own memories, your feet lead you to where you are now, standing in front of a wooden door. You take a deep breath and knock on it. you wait a couple more seconds and the door opened.

“Y/n L/n.” He said as he smiled gently to you.

“Hello, Strange” You smile back to him as he moved aside to let you in. 

[supergirlfics]

A/N: This was so frustrating because I’d work on it and and then it would just disappear! Multiple times! I guess this is what happens when you write directly onto tumblr and don’t use a backup of any kind . . . oh well, onward and upward. Hope you like the story!

Eliza was outside waiting for Kara and Alex the moment they arrived. As soon as they stepped out of the car, she spread her arms wide, giving them each a hug. “Girls! I’ve missed you so much!”

“We’ve missed you, too,” Alex said.

“Where’s Y/N?” Kara asked, peering past Eliza. You were usually the first to greet them.

“She was supposed to come out and help you with your bags, but I suppose she couldn’t peel herself away from her book.”

“New novel?” Kara asked.

“Textbook.”

Alex and Kara exchanged a look before Kara finally said, “That’s okay. I’ll take the bags. We can catch up with Y/N inside.”

By the time Alex and Eliza had reached the front door, Kara had already grabbed both bags, taken them upstairs to the bedroom, and made back down to the living room. Super Speed. Or, as Alex liked to call it, Super Show-Off.

You sat on the couch. Four open textbooks, and what seemed to be a million sheets of paper lay on the coffee table in front of you. Your nose was buried in a page, your hands covered in pen ink, and notes scribbled in every empty space.

“Hey. What’s up?” Kara asked.

You jumped, not having noticed your sister until right then. You spun around to snap at whoever was hovering over you, but you realized who it was just in time. “Kara!” You leaped off the couch, tackling your big sister in a hug. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t notice you.”

“That’s obvious,” Alex said as she strode through the room to join you two. “Hey kid.”

“Alex!” You tackled her even more excitedly than you had Kara, jumping into her arms and wrapping your legs around her waist. You clung to her so tightly, it was like you were a kid on the monkey bars.

When Alex had finally managed to pull you off, she held you at arms length to study you. “You have grown so much.”

“I’m the same height,” You said. “It’s been three months.”

“I mean you look more mature.”

Kara couldn’t hold in her laugh. After all, she had just watched you and Alex fight over whether or not she was going to hold you.

As Alex continued to look you over, her smile faltered. Even your ear to ear grin couldn’t hide the dark circles under your eyes. They were huge. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. It’s fine. Why?” You asked.

“You look exhausted.”

“I’ve been studying,” You shrugged.

“As you should be,” Eliza cut in. “I can’t have anything but the best grades from my med student.” Again, Kara and Alex exchanged a look. “I’ll let you three catch up while I make dinner.”

After an argument with your sisters, you finally agreed to set aside your studies. But only after Alex gave you her “you-had-better-listen-or-you’ll-regret-it” look. Your sisters helped you put everything away, but you micromanaged everything. You had to make sure all your notes were in their rightful place.

“How do you know where anything goes?” Kara asked. “This is a mess.”

“It’s an organized mess. And if it’s not put away just right, I’ll lose everything and have to start over completely.”

“You’re insane,” Alex said.

“I’m a med student,” You said. “It comes with the territory.”

-----------------------------------------------------

You wanted to study some more after dinner, but your sisters forced you to watch a movie with them instead. And when you tried to sneak some notes into sister night, another look from Alex told you there was no way you would be able to study that night.

When you returned to the couch, you squeezed in between your sisters. Alex immediately put your arm around you while Kara grabbed your hand. You felt warmer and more at peace than you had in months, though the thought of your schooling still weighed heavily at the back of your mind.

A few minutes in, you lay your head on Alex’s shoulder, and a few minutes after that, you were asleep.

Kara grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch and threw it over you, carefully tucking the end behind your shoulder. “This school must really be getting to her. She never falls asleep during a movie.”

“It’s not even ten,” Alex said. “Y/N is pushing herself way too hard. She needs to slow down.”

----------------------------------------------------------

You woke up around one. Your sisters were asleep beside you. They had even wrapped a blanket around you, which was totally in character, but still extremely sweet.

Since they were both out, you took the opportunity to grab your textbooks once again.

You were still studying when they awoke.

“Y/N,” Kara said. “What time is it?”

“Almost seven,” You said absentmindedly.

“How long have you been studying?” Alex asked.

“Since one.”

Alex ripped the book from your hands. She didn’t think it was possible, but the bags under your eyes had grown even bigger. “You’re done.”

“Hey! I need that!” 

“You don’t,” Kara said firmly. “You are done studying for the rest of the day.”

“It’s only seven.”

“And you’ve been at this for six hours,” Kara said. “You’ve had enough.”

That’s how it went over the next few days. Every time you would try to study, your sisters intervened. Kara tried to force you to take a nap, but once she left the room, you pulled out your notes. Needless to say, she was not pleased when she came to check on you.

“Give me the notes. This is not okay.”

It didn’t take long before your sisters refused to leave your side. If somebody had to do something, they made sure the other was free. They even agreed to keep watch overnight.

On the first night after they agreed to stay up and make sure you slept, you could not get to sleep, no matter what they tried. “I just need to study.” You insisted. “I’m going to fall behind.”

“Why are you so intent on this?” Alex asked as she sat on your bedside. Kara moved to your bed as well, crossing her legs after plopping down in the middle.

“It’s just, you two have done so much. You help people. You save lives. I’m not as cool as that. I don’t have superpowers or special combat training. I’m just awkward old me.”

“Hey,” Alex said. “You don’t need any of that. You are perfect just how you are.”

“I don’t want to fail you guys. Or mom.”

“You could never fail us,” Kara said. “Or mom.”

“I already have. She always compares me to you two. I just want to be able to do something important. And she’s right to push me to study - it just doesn’t come naturally. I have to spend extra time on it.”

“Are you kidding?” Kara said. “You could literally not pay any attention at school and still get straight A’s. You’re a freaking genius.”

“If you keep doing this, you will run yourself ragged, and then when it counts, you’ll be too tired. You won’t be able to function. We have to help you out of your chair half the time. You’re always exhausted. You’re always falling asleep. I’ve even heard you recite diseases in your sleep. Take a break. You’re being obsessive. It isn’t healthy, Y/N.”

“But I have to be the best.”

“You are the best,” Kara said. “Don’t kill yourself trying to be better than the best.”

“I guess you’re right.”

--------------------------------------------------------

The next morning, Alex made it downstairs while you and Kara were still asleep. You were so tired, Alex didn’t think you’d be out of bed all day. They finally seemed to have gotten through to you.

“Good morning, Alex,” Eliza said. “Where’s your sister? She’s usually up studying when I come down.”

“We need to talk, Mom,” Alex said. 

Eliza set her coffee down to look at Alex. “What’s going on?”

“Y/N is so tired. She is running herself dry with med school and it’s only her second year. I was partying my second year of med school.”

“And you never finished,” Eliza said. “Y/N needs to be more accomplished than that.”

“More accomplished?” Alex started before taking a deep breath. This was about you, not her. “The point is, she is trying so hard to please you, it’s killing her.”

“She’s fine.”

“You’re not listening to me, Mom. “She’s on break and all she does is study. She finished all her homework for the next month before Kara and I got here and she is still obsessed.”

“Y/N is doing what she should to get through school,” Eliza said. 

“She’s terrified of failing us! She feels like you compare her to Kara and I constantly, and that’s not fair to her. She’s still a kid. Let her be one. Stop pushing her so hard.”

“Of course I have high expectations. She should want to be like the two of you. You and Kara have accomplished so much. Why is it such a terrible thing if I want that for Y/N as well?”

“Because she’s not us, Mom. She’s not an alien. She doesn’t have superpowers. She is the victim of your - you’re craziness! And the longer she’s here, the worse it’s going to get.”

“What are you saying?”

“Y/N is going to spend the rest of break in National City with me. Where she won’t be judged.”

“Alex Danvers, you cannot -”

“I can,” Alex cut in. “And I am.”

[g5b3ysjw-blog]

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What battery percentage is your phone on right now? It’s at 55%

Do any medical afflictions run in your family? Yeppppppppppp

Who did you last talk to and what did you say? i sent a comma to kile. I can’t communicate to him anymore but it’s kind of my way of saying I’m here presently and available to read your messages. it probably annoys him and I should stop. 

What's your favourite Mexican dish? pork tacos from mama marias

Have you ever been to a professional sports game? Yes. many times.

How far do you live from New York City? uhhhhh google says 12.5 hours. not too bad.

How often do you talk to your parents? mom usually every day. dad maybe 2x a year

What was the weather like in your town today? lets google. it was 92 today

Are there any phrases or words that you say a lot? talk to me goose, comin’ in hot, that’s ridiculous, sup homie

How many boyfriends or girlfriends have you ever had? ehgghghg

Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah, many times.

What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? serendipity 

What's the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? I would say John

Do you clean your ears daily? Not daily, but every couple days.

What accent do you have? midwestern.

What scent of air freshener do you keep in your bathroom? It varies. usually a tree scent of some sort

Have you ever dated a model? No.

What's the best job you've ever had? hmm. babysitting an infant for like 2 hours 3x a week and making like 260 bucks a week.

How about the worst? nannying for a family where the dad was constantly trying to hit on me.

Do you have naturally straight hair? No, pretty curly.

What is your ultimate goal in life? To continuously find beauty in every day 

Have you ever visited someone in prison? nope

What months were you and your siblings born in? july, august, august, january

Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? ahahhahahaha ummm a few of them. i am often in a “forgot your password?” situation

What are your three favourite vegetables? broccoli, cauliflower, potatoes

How many times a day do you check Facebook or any other social network? its SEVERELY decreased since not being on my phone with kile. looking at my phone usually brings me sadness, because i seldom have any word from him. so I just leave it alone.

When was the last time you had a blocked nose? idk.. 5-6 months ago

Who is your favourite comedian? I am not really sure, I dont follow many comedians

What colour are the socks you're wearing today? havent worn any yet

What did you have for dinner last night? steak

What was the last concert you went to? I want to say relient k

Are you an ugly crier? not really no

What scent is the soap or body wash you use in the shower? I’m on vacation so the scent is like a lavendarish scent which is not my style at all.

Have you ever had sex in/on a vehicle? kind of. -.- not by choice.

Who do you live with? mom & gram

What letter does your street name begin with? numbers

Do you do anything to groom your eyebrows? absolutely I do.

When was the last time you ate at McDonald's? A few weeks ago.

What's your favourite Popsicle flavour? blue

Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? i havent got a clue. I never go on FB

Do you have any injuries at the moment? yes. one of which is my shoulder and its reallyyyyyyy bugging me

Have you ever been to an ophthalmologist? the eye dr i used to go to was both opthamologist and optometrist so yes

Do you own any animal print clothes? oh probably.

Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? im tall. I would, maybe it’d be less off-putting to others

When was the last time you went to a drug store/pharmacy? gosh, like a week ago.

Do you ever binge-watch TV shows? just the same ones ive watched for years

Have you ever mustered up the courage to tell someone how you feel only to be rejected? uhhh, no I can’t say I have. 

Do you keep your files and documents organised in one place? somewhat.

What's your favourite sweet treat to bake? my infamous cookies

Are you good at flirting and letting people know you're interested? ill be real honest, I am so slow to fall for someone that it takes some time for me.

What did you have for breakfast today? toast (gf) and eggs

Do you prefer sweet or savoury breakfasts? Sweet

Do you like chick-flicks? heck’n yea

Have you ever taken an acting class? no. not interested

When was the last time you watched one of your favourite movies? yesterday

How often do you use Youtube? seldom. 

What's the coolest thing you've ever dressed up as for Halloween? i dont really do that.

Are you ignoring anyone right now? yeah :( </3

How do you usually style your hair? It’s always up in a messy bun. especially with the heat. but I might chop it off this fall idk.

Do you have any tattoos? Tell me about them. Nope. i wonder if kile will ever get his

Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? more times than I could count.

When was the last time you used a stove? tonight with a GF zucchini pizza

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? mushrooms

Are you sitting, standing or laying (or something else) right now? I’m laying on my bed.

How many hours per week do you typically work? --

What was the last pill or tablet you took? probably headache meds or tummy meds on the day of my flight

How far away from your house is the closest grocery store? like 1.4 miles

Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? Nope.

Who was the last person you complimented? uhhh maybe a sibling

Are you the type of person to take naps, even if you've slept plenty? I WISH

Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment? im trying not to, but im not successful yet

The age old question: dogs or cats? STOP ASKING ME TO MAKE A DECISION ON THIS

When was the last time you saw your best friend? ugh. i don’t think ill ever see him. He sent me a picture today, it was really nice to see his face.

Have you ever been fired from a job? Why? nope.

Are you tired right now? eh, not terribly.

Do you like spring rolls? I do.

What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? street

How many purses or handbags do you own? like 5

Do you get along with all your aunts and uncles? no. some of them I never ever developed relationships with because their parents hated my dad.

Have you ever eavesdropped and heard something you didn't want to hear? Yeah gahhhh i hate that

When was the last time you used a pen, pencil or marker? uhhh yesterday I think

What's your favourite type of curry? None.

Do you often go to do or say something and then just forget? not often

Have you ever had casual sex? Noooooooo. not my thing

What was the last thing you paid for with cash? clothes

What's the last letter of your middle name? h

If your phone rang right now from a number you don't know, would you answer? Nope. I hardly answer for numbers I know

How long is your hair? middle of my back

What was your first pet's name and how did you pick that? Millie. I didn’t have anything to do with that, I was a baby.

Do you drink diet or regular soda? diet. I don’t like the taste of regular.

Have you ever been to Europe? No, but I’d love to go.

Do you worry about your own health? I try not to.

Who did you last make plans with, and what plans did you make? family. 

Can you smell anything right now? Not at the moment, no

How old were you when you got your first cell phone? I was 18 or 19

When was the last time you bought a pair of shoes? ooo boy, its been a minute. I need new shoes, and I also need to get rid of old shoes.

Do you like fruit and vegetable combo juices? not at all. maybe I need to revisit them.

Have you ever been on a spring break trip? Yep yep

Would you rather be warmer or colder right now? colder always.

How tall are your highest heels? I have like 4″ heels but I shouldn’t be wearing them anymore

What's your favourite flavour of frosting? omfg i want frosting so bad. any flavor

When did you wake up today? I fell asleep around 430am and then woke up around 545 my time. 

Do you change your appearance often? I mean, hair color yeah.

What colour are the street signs in your town/suburb? Green

How many people do you work with? --

What was the last thing you ate? piece of chocolate.

Do you have any plans for three hours in the future? either this or sleeping

Has anyone ever made a comment about your weight that offended or upset you? people have definitely made comments about my weight before. just leave me aloneeeeeeeeee.

---- i wish i really was the most important thing on the planet to you. :( maybe then you’d have picked me? </3

[soppingwethampster]

i am hanging on by a fucking thread. i refuse to die i dont want to but when it feels like theres 2 people in your head playing tug of war over your thoughts and feelings im this close to shutting down, stop doing school, stop eating, stop talking to people, just fucking stop everything and just lock myself in my room. thanks to the meds my suicidal thoughts are pretty much gone but everything else is still there and oh my fucking god. 98 days clean but its getting SO FUCKING TEMPTING. i cant stop thinking about everything with them. my thoughts go back directly to everything and i cant fucking stop. this trip was a horrible idea i really needed this week to take a fuckin mental health break to work through everything going through my head but oho nope! the worst fucking part is i still wish the best for everyone whos going against me. i hope they can all be happy but now that im thinking about it one person in particular was the reason for a few attempts. am i the problem? i cant get over that either i cant figure out if im the problem or if they are or if its a mix of both. i know ive messed up but now that i thinking more and more theyve all hurt my several times but i gave them the benefit of the doubt each time and said it was my fault for overreacting. so many times they just said lol when i was venting so many times they abused that i said they were my best friends and shoved every bad thing they did under the rug and said “im your best friend dont you trust me? or im your best friend i wouldnt EVER” the amount of times you lied to me and i brushed it off because you were going through things. the amount of times they all hurt you yet you gave them so many chances but you couldnt even give me one. fuck one person tried to fucking kill you and you ran to my house at 10pm and i comforted you and have you my cart when i was on the edge of ending it that night and i really needed it. and then you went to the same person a week later and was all buddy buddy and bwst friends. they tried to. KILL YOU. or was that a lie too? to get my cart and get high just because it was fun? when i told you i needed it but you insisted. i put you above myself every single time. all of you above myself. and the second i take a small break for myself and switch to playing video games more often with other people im horrible? you all were amazing friends and everyone messes up sometimes i still dont blame you all. but one second i say that and the tug of war continues in my head when one side says im angry and the other says its not their fault whatsoever. god damn h

[maoxmeowx]

6.The murder

{next scene} Mrs Quditch was seen following Uncle Orig around secretly and Gelare was with Uncle Orig and she was upset that Uncle Orig would not be able to join him to the Quditch family It was at noon,where both of them was sitting at the gardens gazing at the plants. "Arent you hot?" as Gelare removed Uncle Orig's hat revealing his head. Uncle Orig began to wiped  away sweat drops and fanning himself with his hand. "Is it still painful,the hammer wound?" said Gelare. "No,my sweety.It has been so long,and not painful anymore.I may have forgotten alot of things but not that u resurrect me from the dead." said Uncle Orig as he gave a light pat on his head. This was it. Mrs Quditch could not take it anymore. She slipped down from the bushes and soon was discovered by Gelare and Uncle Orig. {next scene at Chaperone's room} "I am really leaving.i dont care.Why am I even joining their families meetings to let Uncle Orig to follow Gelare to Quditch house after marriage?" as he recalled Gelare asked him to join since she needs moral support from friend. "And she just told me to stop following her in the morning. She was the one who keep dragging me around all the bloody time" as he recalled her saying in the morning when he followed her after they refuse to allow Uncle Orig to come along And he noticed his half-opened notebook which he dropped earlier written [Gelare know something.] He took out the photo from his back pocket which shows a family photo . He rushed out of his room at the next moment asking where is Gelare. {next scene at bamboo forest} "No, Mcapp is dead. We buried him remember?" said Mr Quditch as he was digging. "No. They had the same name. He is called Mcapp too! and he was hit by the hammer on the head too! How would he know if he is not the same person?" screamed Mrs Quditch "Did you had your meds,reviving the dead is ridiculous. This is just fake superpowers rumours from Draco village We dont question them because we need others think of our superiority." "I took my meds every single day! Our nanny made sure I would have eaten. Oh God damnnit! Gelare is the kid! Gelare is Gipsy that idiot.I mean noone knew who are her parents right." "Calm down.Calm down now."as Mr Quditch get hold of his wife and hugged his wife."Gelare is not Gipsy.we buried Gipsy after he was being killed by Lacros" "But if Mcapp is able to revive,that means Gipsy really could revive herself! and come back as Gelare. From the moment i see Gelare i hated how she look like. Those eyes,she look exactly like Gipsy ,isnt it so? That is why i dont want to come back this village. You wanted to come back here to cheat the Dora family of the money for revenge! " as Mrs Quditch broke down and cried,stomping the ground. And Mr Quditch stopped digging and followed to proceed to console his wife. "Ok we just dig finish, we see the body.he dead,ok?" and he picked up his shovel and continued to dig.

Then they heard breathing and gasping sounds. "Who is that?" and he took out his gun pointing towards the direction where Gelare was hiding. Gelare was putting her hands up and walking towards them "Mr Quditch,I hope that you still let me marry Lacros.'cause i loved him" said the Gelare with a high pitch voice,sarcastically..

Chapter 6 end

[boba-t-butch]

ive let more people i know irl follow me here so i try not to get into too much detail about my family situation. and ive recently realized a big part of that was conditioning from my parents where they trained me not to tell people abt stuff at home but that's probably to protect themselves from looking like the shit parents they are.

so anyway ima just write this out and i guess i'll delete later if i feel too exposed but its irritating to keep vagueposting or holding myself back on my own blog. also if you know me irl idc if u wanna talk to me abt this id be fine with it. but like dont treat me with delicacy or pity cuz i fukn hate that.

so my dad has bipolar disorder and he's been arrested/ hospitalized for it multiple times throughout my life because he doesnt like staying medicated. he was off his meds for a while and became unemployed almost as a direct result. when i went home over winter break, i recognized that he was becoming more emotionally volatile and was nearing a manic episode.

i understand how medication for bipolar disorder can negatively impact a person's quality of life and i recognize that my dad has the autonomy to choose whether or not to be medicated. but i also feel that when he is unmedicated, he cannot fulfill his responsibilities to me (and my 14 year old sister) as a father. and now that i'm an adult, i also have the autonomy to choose the relationships i maintain in my life. so i decided, even while i was home over winter break, to stop speaking to my dad if he was going to be off his medication.

the subsequent semester, i did not keep in contact with my family and managed to find a way to stay at my college campus over the summer so i wouldn't need to go home. my older sister is an ex-military republican redneck married to a white trump supporter, my little sister is p chill but she used to pass on any info of my life she could find to my parents, and my mom is an extremely emotionally manipulative/abusive alien conspiracy theorist bible thumper. so i just kinda don't keep in touch with any of them if i can help it.

this summer, my dad went manic and intentionally smashed his pickup truck into another car that had people in it. he put his car in reverse and smashed into them again twice. he'd gotten into an argument with my sister and wanted to show her what she made him do by not listening to him/ disrespecting him.

he was arrested for criminal mischief, criminal assault, and assault with a deadly weapon. at this point, i reached out to my other family members to express support and concern. this kind of thing has happened before, we all saw it coming, we all know if he doesn't take meds it's just a matter of time before it happens again.

i encouraged my mom to divorce my dad and take a portion of his assets (bc she has no education and no source of income) so that she can take my little sister somewhere safe and raise her in a stable environment. i told my older sister she doesnt owe it to him to do him any favors when he's knowingly disrupted her life so much. she currently has a newborn child at home with health complications to worry about as well, so it's not her responsibility to clean up his mess, even if he is mentally ill.

instead, my sister convinced a judge to drop all of my dads charges, send him home to my mom and sister, and his main consequence is just that he's court-mandated to take his medication for a few years (i have no clue how). my mom says she owes him too much so she's staying with him and even leaves him home alone extensively with my younger sister. he has continued to take everything my older sister and mom do for him for granted, even continuing to accuse them for making him go manic by not understanding him enough.

i have continued to refuse contact with my dad, though i'm trying to be there for my little sister more. my older sister and i are trying to navigate how to have a relationship as well. my mom though... my mom is now trying to use me as an emotional crutch because i express sympathy for her bc i know she's in a tough situation. but i also feel like she's neglecting her duty as a mother by not protecting my sister more and that she shouldn't be coming to me for this support when she's been a terrible mother to me. lately she sought reassurance from me because she was feeling worthless and depressed and i havent responded at all, which makes me feel cruel and guilty. but i also refuse to play that role for her.

there's a lot of other random shit happening in my life rn too but honestly im too tired to deal with any of it. im too tired to try to navigate complex interpersonal relationships that hardly matter when im already trying so hard to figure out my family situation.

[reesebird]

New Post has been published on https://reesebird.com/2019/08/13/meeting-family/

Meeting family?

I apologise in advance this is long and complicated TW (mental abuse/alleged sexual abuse/physical attack) (Note: I am currently 29 years old)

My mother has always been a single mother. I am repeatedly told by her and her friends how she gave up her job and life and everything for me. She never ever ever tells me a thing about the past. To the point where one of her friends would let slip “when we were teens and snuck out to the cinema…” my mum was absolutely furious and got extremely angry at her friend for telling (trying to tell me) a story about her and also at me for “listening to her sh*t” I CANNOT know ANYTHING. And the only friend who let things slip has now died.

She is so secretive about my actual family that any friends (or friend’s parents) who’d ask about my dad or why she never married she’d never let me talk to them ever again (which made school awkward).

She is extremely controlling with my friends, if I go somewhere she HAS to drive me. She also has to pick me up. This is to confirm I am with who I say I’m with. If I’m vague or if she doesn’t see me actually meet my friend she will wait somewhere around the area and sometimes she sends her friends and her friend’s daughters out to spy on me. Example: One time I said I’m meeting “Natasha” at Starbucks at 11. Got dropped off in town. Natasha couldn’t meet until 1 and we went to Caffè Nero. My mum was furious at me because she walked past Starbucks and sat outside waiting for me and I never showed up. “Who were you with, where were you what were you doing, you’re a liar, this is why I don’t trust you” The next day I met a different friend “Kayleigh” and outside the place we were meeting was my mum’s friend’s daughter who watched me go in, who I sat with and immediately started typing on her phone. (I was 28 at the time this happened. Not young!). She’ll also go into shops or cafes or places my friends work and ask if I was in and who was I with and things like that.

She refuses to let me have my own bank card and my own money. I need to say what I want the money for, show her the items I bought and also reciepts.

For some random reason when I was a child (maybe 6,7,8?) she told me my Nan (Dad’s mum) wants contact with me. My dad’s side of the family live a 6 hour journey away but I chose yes, I want to see them. My mum let me meet my Nan briefly but made many snide comments about hating her and contact dropped off. I WAS allowed to meet my aunts and uncles. And their children (my cousins). I could meet anyone I wanted as long as it wasn’t my Dad. And I was to never ask about him (at such a young age I was terrified to go against my mum’s wishes).

When I was 14 I started to ask about my Dad. My mum went cold and ignored me for a week straight then she got her friend to tell me he’s a loser who has no money and he only wants mine (umm, what money does a 14 year old have worth stealing?) They also said he’s a pervert and only wants contact me because I’m young. They said he has sexually assaulted my mum’s friend, my mum’s friend’s daughter and has attacked my mum.

I never saw or spoke to the family much. I only ever remained in contact with one aunt and her children. I was under the impression Dad re-married and had a wife and 3 kids. I contacted the girl on social media and considered her my sister. My mum was so angry and got someone to hack into my account, send my sister a load of abuse and blocked her.

When I was 18 (in 2008) we went to a big family party for my aunt (the first family event we had been to and we could only go because my Dad wasn’t there). My sister was there and it was the only time we’d ever met and she hid because she was terrified of ME.

Now I need to make this bit clear: I WASN’T HERE FOR THIS NEXT EVENT. This happened outside and I was inside at the bar. The one friend I took with me was with my mum. A cousin who my mum has always made it clear she hated and she tried to make me hate (“he stole your toys when you were 4” “his mother got him tickets to Disneyland and all you got was a photo album, isn’t that unfair?” and so many sly comments and looks) had attacked my mum. I got there as he pushed her up against a fence holding a glass bottle to her face and my cousins (his sisters and brother and our other cousins) were pulling him off of her and helping her. He claims she started it but she says she never said anything directly to his face. My friend confirmed this. Though my friend has since been caught out in many lies amd eventually blocked me. And my mum? Well she’s getting more aggressive. Example: She’ll go to a restaurant my friend owns and I temporarily worked at and demand freebies, refuse to pay and call him a tight fisted “see you N tea” and constantly tell other customers (even new ones who just walked in) how much she hated the food there. Eventually he banned her then banned me from working there, because of her behaviour. And (stupidly) it’s only recently I’ve started to think maybe my mum did cause the incident.

My mum’s been extremely paranoid about the incident. She was scared of him for years because he’s “loose” and “got away with it unpunished” (I have since found out he got over £1,000,fine! But for years she constantly told me they “couldn’t find the security footage” so “the whole family have tool his side and it’s a massive cover up and they’re all involved”). She absolutely forbid me to speak to any of the family at all.

The family continued to send me letters, wedding invitations, birthday cards. My mum would rip them up and it all eventually stopped. Around 5 years ago (so about 6 years after the incident) my cousin I was closest to and who helped pull her brother off of my mum added me on social media. I told my mum about it, lucky for me she’s not on social media but as I said, she has spies and I knew her reaction if she did find out. She told me I can do what I want but she won’t be happy. Then she told me to accept so we can spy on the family. So I added my cousin and as many names as I could remember from the family. Only a few accepted.

Only a few months ago a blank profile contacted me on social media with a phone number saying that’s my Dad’s. I’ve been too scared to phone it because if it got back to my mum I can’t even imagine. Also I have always feared he is dangerous because of what my mum and her friend have said. But it’s always confused me how he’s married and has other kids if he’s so “dangerous” One thing I’ve noticed is he is very rarely in family pictures. I must’ve come across around 2 in total. I stalked his children, the girl I think of as my sister. Her dad is not mine. Not the same face, not the same (first) name. She is my dad’s brother’s. She is my cousin. I’m not sure why my mum freaked out all those years ago when I spoke to her specifically. How is she different to my other cousins?!.

Now one of my cousins has spoke about coming down to visit me. I’d love to see her and I hope she has answers. The problem is she didn’t exactly ask. She just sort of said she is coming down to visit and has already booked the hotel and travel. The few people I trust to cover for me and not blab to my mum have all said it’s extremely important I meet her because she’ll have all the answers. I’ve also been encouraged to call my Dad. But I am so scared of my mum and her reaction. She is mentally and emotionally abusive and she gets physical, too. And if I do the slightest thing wrong she gets her friends, and their friends, and their kids to call and message me what an awful person I am (last time was “I forgot my sandwich, can we turn the car round” because how dare I be demanding and spoilt and MAKE my mum turn around etc etc) so I am too afraid to do something REALLY wrong.

I am so afraid of being caught out in a lie that I’ve been honest and told my mum my cousin is visiting. She thinks it’s an ambush. It’s revenge for all those years ago. She thinks I’ll go to meet one cousin and the whole family will be there waiting to attack me. Then she ignored me all night and when she spoke the next day she said I can only meet my cousin if I’m with her and she’s gonna punch my cousin before my cousin punches us. I don’t think my cousin is aggressive or after revenge because we are actually friends and speak all the time (mum doesn’t know this). (Example of my mum’s paranoia: I asked for some money to go on holiday. She gave it to me, my own and she made up what i cant afford. but kept saying the holiday is not going to happen. She still believes it didn’t. All the pictures of me on holiday? Photoshopped! She thinks I ran off with her money. Where did I go if not on holiday?).

I don’t think my cousin is aware of the beef because before she booked the hotel she asked to stay with us. I don’t want to explain about my mum yet as I dont want to put my cousin off coming. It’s so important that I meet her. But I also have no idea how I’m going to hide her! I don’t know how to start explaining to her.

Side note: I’ve had my mum seen to by doctors and she outright denies any mental health issues and refuses to take any meds because “nothing is wrong”

[parentingguide8-blog]

19 Parents Who Negotiated With Their Kids and Lost

New Post has been published on https://parentinguideto.com/must-see/19-parents-who-negotiated-with-their-kids-and-lost/

19 Parents Who Negotiated With Their Kids and Lost

In a recent Reddit post, “Never gamble what you aren’t willing to lose,”  parents shared the deals they’ve made with their kids in desperate yet mostly failed attempts to keep some small semblance of their sanity. Call it what you want; bargaining, negotiating, bribery or just flat out lie to yourself and call it a “reward system,” but at the end of the day, one fact remains. A deal is a deal and you better deliver.

I myself have been known to offer a serving or two of rainbow sherbet ice cream (*cough*) before noon, in attempts to appease certain challenging and disgruntled customers, ages 2 and 4.

We’re not perfect. We’re desperate, tired, and there’s an 85% chance that we are in need of a shower. We do what we gotta do. Don’t judge us. OR actually, go ahead. But perhaps a scoop of sherbet would temporarily quiet your criticisms? Hmm?

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Take comfort in these deals that parents made with their kids, and know that you are not alone in your daily parenting bribery tactics nor are you the only parent who totally sucks at the fine art of negotiation.

Just today I negotiated a deal with my four-year-old. Nothing fancy, just a good old-fashioned bribe to get him the hell out of my car. The terms were simple enough. If he went to preschool, then we would stop by grandma’s house afterward.

Why did I do such a thing? Well, like I said, he’s four, you see, and his tiny knees have yet to be worn down from carrying the heavy burdens of life. When in the car, the tiny evil genius extends his legs and presses his feet against the back of my driver’s seat in protest, locking his small yet sturdy knees like the jaws of life.

After this tired, desperate, and disheveled mom had tried everything short of a public-middle-of-the-street-mother-son-wrestling-match, I caved. Of course, he insisted on a brief verbal confirmation from grandma via FaceTime before agreeing to the terms.

I wiped the sweat from my brow and my son’s tiny locked knees instantaneously released and off he went with a taunting skip in his step.

What can I say? I’m just a mom, standing in front of a little boy, begging him to go away so she can be alone for four glorious hours. Is that too much to ask?

Apparently, I’m also a mom who is going to have to take my son to visit grandma every day after school for the foreseeable future.

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“Never gamble what you aren’t willing to lose.”

I know it’s tempting but you shouldn’t offer your kids sweet things to complete tasks.

The little monster immediately cleaned his room and I had to share my cake with him.

–u/Drunk_monk37

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Parents, be prepared to pay the piper.

Ya I bribed my toddler with “candy” (fruit snacks) to take her antibiotics, and for dayyyyyys after she was done with the meds, she’d come up to me and say “mecine?”

I asked her if she had an owie and she says “no, candy” HAHA

– oh_ya_you_betcha

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Whatever it takes.

I’m potty training my kid with Hershey kisses. DONT JUDGE ME, he’s my fourth and he’s three and I’m done with fuc*ing diapers already.

–RawketLeeg

NO judgment here. I hear you. I feel your pain. Just get through the day mama, one Hershey’s Kiss at a time.

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We’re all in this together.

Man, I’m using lollipops. I am just done with poop everywhere. Haha, good luck mama.

–RawketLeeg

This next mama really set herself up with this potty training bribe…

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This mom’s potty training deal with her toddler ended up having some unexpected implications…

My kid was fine with potty except for poop… so we started giving him the occasional Hot Wheel when he would poop in the toilet…

Months later, we still get: Mommy, look at my poop! It’s big so I get a big car!

–PaperclipGirl

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This mom seems to have found a deal that she can stick with.

Potty training my 2-year-old at the moment, thank f*ck she loves stickers.

–AvatarIII

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And every once in awhile, everyone wins.

By the time we got to the last one, we taped a bunch of random candy and dollar store toys to the bathroom wall. If he pooped in the potty he could choose his prize.

My prize was never buying or changing another diaper and I was more than willing to bribe my way across the finish line.

–twinkie45

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Never forget who you’re dealing with.

I used to do the deal thing too. Then one day my 4-year-old pulls this out:

“Well daddy, I took your deal and I changed it. I will not clean up the markers and still get a cookie. That’s the new deal.”

Ok, Darth Vader.

–boxidea

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Moms can have their cake and clean it up, too.

My best friend’s nearly 4-year-old was eating [cake] and getting crumbs all over the floor which had just been cleaned.

“Kathryn, please help mommy clean up all these crumbs.” “No.” “Ok, Kathryn, you can either help mommy or go to time out.”

Wheels obviously turning in Kathryn’s head. “Ok, I’ll go to time out!”

She happily skipped over to the time out area and my BFF cleaned up crumbs…at least she didn’t have to share cake!

–zoyaheaven

This kid could be the next host of “Let’s Make a Deal.”

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Kids learn so quickly, in some cases… too quickly.

I used to always say, “I’ll make you a deal,” to my son and then go on to say if you do this, you can have this.

Then my son started saying that to me when I would ask him to do something. “Buddy please clean up your room.”

“Okay, mama, I’ll make you a deal…” I had to clear up who is the dealmaker real quick….and I also stopped doing that. 😀

–PotatoKingMom

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Twenty-year commitment for a 20-minute chore? This mom really got the short end of the stick with this deal.

Made this mistake recently. We were thinking about getting a new kitten. Found one about 45 minutes away. Told my 11 yr old daughter that if she cleaned her room in 30 minutes, we’d go look at and possibly get the kitten.

She had to fold all of her clothes and put them away, as well, because she’d just rearranged her furniture. I thought she’d never be able to do it.

Well, she did. Room looked great. Went to look at the kitten. Adopted him. He had an upper respiratory infection that we didn’t know about until a few days after when it started showing symptoms.

We made the mistake of introducing him to our other cats a couple of days after adopting. $500 in vet bills later, her room is messy again.

–The_Wicked_Ginja

We wonder who in the world changes the litter box every time? Actually no. We don’t. It’s mom. Apparently, some parents must learn the hard way.

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This next kid is smart. And slightly scary.

My nephew, when he was in daycare would hit another child at cleanup time so he would go on timeout and not have to clean.

–Jesus_marley

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Clever girl. Violent… but clever, nonetheless.

My own kid would do the same when she didn’t want to be at school that day. She knew that if she hit someone they would call for us to come to get her.

We had to sit down with the staff and explain that they were rewarding her for her behavior. After they stopped sending her home, she stopped hitting.

–Jesus_marley

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This mom called her kid’s bluff and straight shut him down.

Mine did this, except making himself throw up, rather than hitting.

Once I made a rule that if he was too sick to be at school, he was too sick for Xbox, tablet, or computer, he stopped.

-firead

This next mom didn’t have to work quite so hard to get her kid to behave…

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And just when you least expect it, they’ll surprise you.

So the other day my kid was playing with the tablet and begged me to let him continue playing when I went to take it away.

I said “Ok, you can play, but no ice cream later” knowing full well he wouldn’t give up ice cream.

“OK, fine.”

“Well, shit.” I thought to myself “there is no way when we go to get ice cream later that he isn’t going to go into full meltdown because he can’t have any. I really screwed myself here.”

So we get ice cream later and, lo and behold, not only does he not have a melt-down, he doesn’t even ask for any. He just sits there content, totally happy with the deal we made.

–EatATaco

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Apparently, negotiating with children can be risky business. And not like young Tom Cruise in whitey-tighties ‘Risky Business.’ But like ‘anarcho-capitalistic’ risky business.

Yeah, I can imagine that once kids are smart enough to do some cost-benefit analysis, the “deals” start to backfire.

I’ve heard similar stories when parents try to put a dollar or reward value on individual chores.

It will sometimes evolve into an anarcho-capitalist free market in their home, where the kids see everything as an opportunity to haggle or refuse chores because they don’t need any money right now.

–feistypenguin

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Bargain all you want but there ain’t no way around it.

Also never promise kids stuff to get them to go to sleep because they’ll wake up extra early and call in that debt of yours.

 –turtlewars

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A deal is a deal.

When I was just about to turn 11 my friend’s cat was pregnant with kittens. I ask my dad if I can have a kitten and he says, full of sarcasm and smug disbelief that it’d actually happen “Yeah, if they’re born on your birthday.”

Birthday arrives and my friend calls screaming “They’re being born! It’s your birthday! Omg!”

My dad didn’t believe me until he called the parents to confirm they were indeed born that day. I got a kitten.

–OstentatiousSock

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So, what have we learned?

Whether it’s a Hershey’s kiss or an expensive cat, one fact remains; ultimately, we will pay. We will always pay. We’re parents. It’s a part of the deal. Also, never, I repeat, never resort to pet bribery. Ever. Not even highly unlikely, hypothetical negotiations.

Have you ever made a deal with the devil, ahem, excuse me, I mean, your child? How’d that work out for ya?!

Share this with someone you know who’s paid the price of negotiating with their kiddo!

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Read more: http://twentytwowords.com/