#Like I'm conflicted on this game. It has a lot of good ideas and moments

[imminent-danger-came]

Me, right now: Oh boy! Just finished isat to completion, the game had some very cool concepts and themeing, but the character writing/dialogue was so bad/against my tastes that I ended up hating it (though I still totally understand why people love it). Anyways, time to look at the isat critical tag to see what other people thought it's flaws were

except

The only two posts in the tag are my own

[krems-chair]

Something Something Yeah It's Still Solavellan Hours (Mythal is kind of here, too)

I've seen a few very beautifully articulated posts talking about the conflicted responses players are finding themselves having in regards to the decision by writers* to have Solas' atonement route possible because of his conversation with one of the remaining fragments of Mythal.

(*honestly I hesitate to put the weight of bigger game events on their shoulders because of how much I know bigger players in the company were involved, so when you read 'writers' know I just mean whoever had final say on plot)

I love reading where people are at on this, and having now breathed, re-played the scene, cried, read some more theories, and then played the scene again enough times I think I'm now able to figure out where I'm at.

TLDR: in my humble opinion, the conversation Solas has with Mythal doesn't bring him any actual closure at all. It is only the version of the atonement ending that has Lavellan in which he is actually set upon a road to redemption.

This, like everything else where I lose my mind, will be long. I tried to restrain myself and here we are, unhinged as ever.

I was unhappy at first that Mythal's incredibly brief conversation with Solas where she releases him from her service seemed to be what finally allowed him to make a decision based on his wants and not hers. My concern stemmed mostly from the fact that a lot of us are trying to be active participants in a society that recognizes patterns of abuse and seeks to establish channels through which individuals can pursue healing without the approval, consent, or demise of their abuser.

But the more I look at the scene, the more I wonder what would have happened in a world where Veilguard got just a little more time in development. Could we have gotten a scene that more elegantly conveys the theme that we cannot heal every part of our loved ones, much as we might like to?

In an imperfect world it isn't always up to us how someone finds closure, which really sucks when you'd like to ensure a loved one finds it in a way that preserves their dignity and limits exposure to the individuals who have harmed them.

And while it could be left there, I'd like to actually push back on the idea that Mythal is in any way responsible for "healing" Solas in this moment.

I went on a different tirade a few days ago about how at the end of Inquisition, Mythal says words to Solas that on their surface seem well-intentioned or placating, but they actually just serve to further bind him in guilt and a position of servitude. In Veilguard's finale, she still does not take accountability for exactly how much of a role she played in the pain that Solas, a man others have revered and feared as a god, has gone through as he cowers, actually cowers before her.

Mythal's interaction with Solas conveys exactly two things to him as far as I am concerned (I'm going to botch these quotes but my laptop is dying so please accept some paraphrase as I rush to finish this before I go cry about this analysis to my uncaring dog):

"The terrible things we did, we did together." You are forever tied to me.

"I release you from my service." But what am I releasing you to?

Because up until Lavellan joins the fray here, all I take away from the physical and unwilling emotional cues Solas gives in this scene (he is a master in trickery, for goodness' sake, the thought of so many witnesses seeing him unable to hide behind a mask has to leave him feeling anguished on top of everything else) is that Mythal has once again reminded him of everything he did in her name and telling him that all that's left for him is to go back to the fade prison and, as he as always done, endure the crushing weight of his failures alone.

To me, in my interpretation, the Solas that hears this from Mythal with no Lavellan intervention may choose to willingly step down from his original plan (and yeah, that's gonna do some damage) but he is certainly not free of his past. He's going to be reminded of it every time he turns a corner and finds more blight to try and soothe, and even the moments that he rests will be filled with more manifestations of his regret. He says it himself: where he's going? It's terrible.

Enter Lavellan. Yeah, he couldn't bring himself to listen to her at her first plea (but like damn how many times are we going to have to watch her give a heartfelt speech only for him to be like 'something something beautiful elven rejection'). But I know that you know that our clever icon knows better than to take what Solas says at face value. She tells Rook plainly that he's absolute dogshit at lies of the heart, and she says it with her whole chest.

Lavellan sees the way his shoulders slump (in resignation yes, but you can't convince me there's not a little bit of relief there, too), she hears the agony in the "vhenan" that escapes his lips (which, don't even get me started on the fact that it's been like nine years and he has no hesitation at all calling her his heart, it just spills out of him). It is not the sound of a man delighting in the steps he's about to take. They're certainly not steps he does not dislike that lead to a destination he enjoys.

And then she watches Mythal (who I can't imagine she feels any sort of fondness or respect for) pull some weird nonsense on her love one final time, and she knows it's her moment to shine.

Mythal, I would argue, pushes Solas down one more time, shames him into seeking atonement, into once again being alone.

It is the romanced Lavellan that kneels so that he cannot fail to meet her eyes. It is she who invokes their connection, not to remind him of his failures but to reaffirm his greatest strength: their love and their love alone is inevitable. Not the consequences of his past, not the regret he thinks will consume him as he seeks to mend what has been broken. It has only ever been them.

"There is no fate but the love we share". We are forever tied together.

"There is no fate but the love we share." *I* am releasing you from everything else save for this love.

Put colloquially: get absolutely fucking wrecked, Mythal.

Body language comparison to chase up the dialogue one, anyone? The way Solas shrinks before Mythal as opposed to him walking off into the fade with Lavellan at his side and standing tall, and he does not flinch when she lifts a hand to his shoulder?

Ultimately, Mythal is a part of the atonement endings no matter what. But it is only Lavellan that refuses to let him walk alone. It is only Lavellan that guarantees that his dinan'shiral ends not in a prison of regret, but a place of promise.

Mythal bends Solas until he breaks one last time. Lavellan takes each piece, claims it as hers, and uses them to build the beginnings of a future.

[thydungeongal]

I genuinely don't understand what y'all mean by "ok to kill enemies." Everytime it comes up I feel less and less confident I am following the conversation.

D&D kind of has, as part of its DNA, the idea that combat will eventually happen in the game. To that end, throughout the history of the game there have been many different types of guy that in the text of the game have been presented as like almost self-evidently okay to kill simply because. While different editions of the game have tried to move away from some of the more overtly problematic portrayals of this (basically saying that certain types of humanoids are okay to kill because they look funny and live in caves is kinda fucked up), the truth is that pretty much every attempt to look for a suitable Boogeyman that player characters can kill without any iffy ethics about it is going to end up really weird.

Anyway this is why people will often look for types of guy to present as enemies where characters can engage in no-thoughts-head-empty lethal sports with them without anyone needing to have a "wait a minute, are we the baddies?" moment. Demons and the undead are pretty easy to go for here.

My personal favorite approach is to just accept the fact that D&D kinda sucks with black-and-white morality and instead of making the conflict in the world about clear good and evil teams make it about different groups of people with different goals. Orcs can be present but they're no longer "the evil guys it's always morally okay to kill because of biotruths" but instead just some guys who might sometimes have violent disagreements with other people.

Anyway a lot of this stuff doesn't mean anything and as said not engaging with games as texts on this level isn't really necessary to enjoy them. But for me at least it can often elevate gameplay. When bandits aren't just some guys who decided to become evil criminals some day but actual people whose banditry is a response to something going on in the world and their lives, it suddenly makes the conflicts in the world a lot more real and grounded (and sometimes killing those bandits can be the right thing to do, but sometimes negotiating with them or even cooperating them can be the right thing to do. Basically, once you start thinking about all the different types of Guy that inhabit the worlds of D&D not just as game tokens that player characters can hit to make XP come out [although that is also fine and dandy as a playstyle] but as living thinking creatures with actual goals, the types of narratives the game starts to produce also expands a hundredfold.)

Anyway I'm not sure if that answers your question because I went on like a bunch of tangents. But it was also kind of a vague question.

[ooooo-mcyt]

I love reading your character analysis, thanks for putting so much out there. Wanted to talk a bit more about life!Scott.

You said you see him going to kill Joel in the wild life finale as a moment where he acts on his own wishes rather than his usual self sacrifice pattern. Do you see that as character change/growth, or do you think its more based on the unusual circumstances? At that point Impulse is dead and no one left on his team wants to win. Does Scott go after Joel because he's free from the responsibility of helping a teammate? (Be it in a positive self fulfilment way or in a negative got nothing else left to do kinda way.) Or in your view would he have acted for himself even with Impulse alive?

I think it was still a kind of sacrifice anyway, committing his final life to trying to take down the biggest threat, even if he was running out of people to do it for. And that motive would come into it more if Impulse was still alive.

Are things only even different this time because Joel has changed how he behaves, not attacking Scott like every other time, so Scott has to go to him? How much of the impetus is coming from Scott himself?

- @mossy-cobble-slab

Unfortunately, I don't think Scott is anywhere near ready to start acting out of personal desire. In Wild Life, we see the culmination of a lot of Scott's most self destructive traits- the way he's so determined to keep the team together no matter what, the way he lets two teammates get away with independently plotting against him, the way he gave up a life willingly to his team, the way he gave in during team conflicts and let the others have their way with only the flimsy stipulation that they agree not to collude against him again. I don't see Wild Life as character growth for Scott, if anything, most of Wild Life reinforced his repressive and self sacrificing behavior.

Scott probably didn't attack Joel for his own sake. I'm sure his main intention was probably to weaken one of the strongest players for the sake of his team rather than to act on any grudge he may have against Joel. (although i wouldn't write off the idea that scott did also just want to fight joel, and that this subconsciously influenced him deciding that attacking him was the 'best' course of action.)

However, while Scott probably wasn't acting solely on personal desire when he attacked Joel, I still see the moment overall as a small win. Because while it was ostensibly probably about his team, I absolutely think Scott got caught up in the fight. He was absolutely more exhilarated in the Wild Life finale than he has been in any of his more traditional sacrifices, and notably, Scott didn't mention his team in his closing statement. No "I wouldn't have it any other way" or "Sometimes you gotta take one for the band". If he did attack Joel for his team's sake (which he probably did), that motivation got lost a little bit in the moment.

That's actually one of the big reasons I love Scott and Joel's "rivalry", while Scott still always needs a way to justify fighting Joel (because scott is extremely repressed and won't let himself act on desires that aren't "good"), when Scott does engage with Joel, Joel has a way of making Scott a little bit reckless and a little bit giddy, gives Scott an excuse to give in to the exhilaration of the game for a little bit in ways Scott doesn't normally do.

So- do I think Scott was really just acting out of personal desire when he attacked Joel? No. Do I think that was a result of character progression? No. But I do think it was a small win, a moment where Scott got to think about something other than being a good sacrifice for a little bit, the kind of moment Joel is good at pulling out of Scott by giving himself an excuse to let himself act that way. That's valuable even if Scott's still not ready to actually think about his own desires or act on them without an excuse to.

[twig-tea]

GL odds and ends 6 October 2024

I haven't been as good at posting about shows as I wanted to be, so I'm trying a round-up format instead because it feels like a lot of GLs skirt under the radar. It's exciting that we're in a time when there's enough GL airing that it's worth doing a round-up! This was a great week for the lesbians to figure themselves out, so it feels like a good week to start. No idea how regularly I'll do this, need to figure out a cadence that makes sense.

Currently airing (with thoughts up to Oct 6):

Reverse 4 U 5/8 (Thai, Tuesdays 1:00 PM EDT, Netflix / YouTube) This week the girls finally sorted themselves and we got set up for the main plot to start next week. I was initially really stoked about this one and then a little bummed that it's not taking it's very cool premise and the stakes it establishes as seriously as it could be, but I'm still hoping it will start to have real stakes in the main plot stretch.

The Two of Us s2 ep 6/6 END (Thai, 29 Aug-3 Oct 2024, YouTube) It was so great seeing women in their 40s being romantic together but I did not love the plot of this one; I find their romantic conflicts too juvenile (lots of easily-triggered jealousy). The moments they're being sweet are great though.

Unlock Your Love ep 4/8 (Thai, Wednesdays, GagaOOLala / YouTube [cut version]) This is the first episode that this series felt a little more assured; I liked the series this production company produced with a short run time, it feels like this series has been worse off for its longer episodes. That being said, when these couples get to do their thing like in this episode, they have good chemistry.

Chaser Game W s2 ep 3/8 (Japanese, Thursdays 12:30 PM EDT, GagaOOLala) @lurkingshan is already doing a great summary of this week to week in her JQL weekly round-up!

Affair the series ep 6/8 (Thai, Fridays 11:15 AM EDT, iQIYI/ YouTube) Finally! I liked that it was Ek pointing out that Wan was unhappy the entire time she was gone that finally got Pleng to give in to her desire to be with Wan. This show is so melodramatic but the emotional threads follow and the character motivations are clear and consistent; I'm enjoying it in spite of not loving melodramatic storylines in general. It helps that the acting in this one is excellent.

The Loyal Pin ep 10/16 (Thai, Sundays 12:15 PM EDT, YouTube) Glad we finally got confirmation of Patt's history! And I'm relieved Anin knows she has an ally, though I feel like it's given her false confidence that worries me. These two are stressing me out by how bad they are at being careful but I do love how desperate they are for each other, as well as how beautiful this show is.

Red Whisper ep 2/8 (Korea, Wednesdays and Sundays, YouTube) Starting with cheating is not my fave but is par for the course with these SukFilm short series; my fave so far has been their first GL so if you haven't seen that yet I'd honestly recommend that instead.

Recent One-offs

Out of Breath (re-release in a bingeable version; Korean, YouTube) Highly recommended! Also the creator, Soo not Sue, announced she's working on another series to hopefully air before the end of the year, which I am super stoked about.

The Suffering of Xiqing Mountain (Chinese (censored), YouTube)

Sastra film app YouTube channel has several short Cambodian GL series that come out weekly Honestly they are not to my taste but I don't like gatekeeping GL especially from smaller markets. I check in on these time to time and if there are any that I think are great I'll give them a shout-out

Ditto above with JPC media YouTube channel for Thai GL shorts if there are any that stand out to me I'll say so

Recently ended that I haven't had the wherewithal to write about:

Hoshikuzu Telepath (fansub) Thank you to @yuiyuihan for your hard work making it possible to watch this series! I I haven't read the original manga but I do know they changed the kiss communication to a forehead rest; Unsurprised that this adaptation, starring idols in the same group, would be left ambiguous in terms of whether their feelings are friendly or romantic. I liked what this series was trying to say, but in all honestly didn't love the execution. It's too bad because I absolutely love the concept of an alien being helped by girls obsessed with building rockets.

The Secret of Us 8 eps [complete] (24 Jun-15 Aug 2024, YouTube) I first included this in my recommendations from the summer and then retracted, but I ended up liking this series and then never updated again. So to set the record straight: Though it lost me in the middle, the ending on this series won be back over. I really appreciated the way this series handled filial piety and balancing that against personal happiness. I appreciated SO MUCH that the main characters decided together how to handle Lada's situation with her mother. I finally understood too late that Earn believed the lies Lada's mother told her in ep1, and that affected some of their decisions in the middle of the series. I still think the execution was wobbly, but the acting and chemistry between the two leads carries this series through. This has some of the best domestic fluff in any GL, as well as my favourite GL counter lift to date. And it's gorgeous. Tentatively recommended with the caveat that you do have to either enjoy or power through the melodrama in the middle.

Starting soon:

Apple My Love, Thai, 12 October, GagaOOLala

Pluto, Thai, 19 October, VIU

The Nipple Talk, Taiwanese, 1 November GagaOOLala

My Ex's Wedding [in theatres in Thailand 14 November]

Petrichor, Thai, 23 November, TBD

[russanogreenstripe]

So many good moments in Ep 5 of Burrow's End, but this is the one that sets my mind buzzing the most. The idea that community predates identity. We know mama, dada, and baba before we know not only their names, but our own names. And in the season all about family, community, in-group versus outgroup? This feels like such an important idea, and it was came up likely on the spot. It's fascinating to think about, and touches on such big themes about Burrow's End in general.

My mind keeps trying to read "name" as "self," and come up with something like "we have to know others before we know who we are," but I think there's a fundamental error in that idea. Neurologically, we just start off with just "Me" - one of our basic senses is what is "Me" and what is "Not Me." That's fundamental to further categorization, and faults in that sense is where things like depersonalization / derealization come from. Names are just labels, and they're not even the first labels we have for them.

This ties into another point that a lot of people had when watching the trailer at the end of Ep. 4 and during the live reaction of Ep. 5 - the idea that because Sybil was so reluctant to say her brother's name after he died, that it was the result of some top-down oppression within Last Bast and further proof that it's not as idyllic as it seems. Now, Last Bast almost certainly isn't a utopia, and I'm sure we're going to learn more about that in the next episode. And it's possible that it is a top-down enforcement that Sybil, having been raised in Last Bast, has internalized. However, there's a chance this isn't the case.

Less than 30 seconds on Google turns up several cultures that have taboos around speaking the names of the dead - Aboriginal mortuary rituals, the Apache of the Southwest US, the Tolowa tribe of California, the Yanomami on the border of Brazil and Venezuela, certain Romani/Irish Traveller groups, and almost certainly more. While it initially seems unfathomable to Western cultural mores around remembering and memorializing the dead, it's just as possible possible that instead of a method of social control, it's simply a cultural taboo.

https://scholarblogs.emory.edu/gravematters/2017/04/18/aboriginal-mortuary-rituals/

And as Aabria has commented both during the live discussion and general discord channels,

Aabria's a smart cookie, and I trust that she's done plenty of worldbuilding and put tons of thought into how Last Bast's society works. We've seen she's great at her cultural analysis while in the DM's chair in both Misfits & Magic and in A Court of Fey and Flowers. Culture and society are interwoven in all of her games, and where does all that start? With family.

[bamsara]

Narilamb fic idea thought of, in progress, general gist:

Something goes wrong. The crown is split during Narinder's defeat, splitting the power between God of Death and the Lamb.

Narinder keeps a portion of his godhood, and the Lamb finds that rituals and powers they had access to before are no longer possible, Healing is cut short. Powers are halved. And there is a very real chance of perma-death, as the ability to resurrect oneself or anyone at all is not possible without full power, and the God of Death is not cooperative.

Afterlife and Purgatory are not options either. Dying means dying for real. Gone, no trace of you left.

Discovering that the will of dead gods are still in effect even when they are dethroned and in purgatory, even if not intentional, Lamb realizes there will come a time when Narinder will return to his full power, crown or no crown, and they must rehabilitate the God of Death before that happens, or at least give him a reason not to strike the Lamb down the moment their back is turned, and wipe out sentient life as the pissed off cat proclaims he'll do.

Narinder, The One Who Waits, now confined to a weaker, albeit free body, adapts to his release from imprisonment and place in the living world. Still retaining some power, he gains strength with every passing day, vowing vengeance on the lamb for usurping him. After a few unsuccessful murder attempts, it appears that he's in for the long haul. It is only a matter of time before the Lamb's guard is down before he can strike, and The One Who Waits is very patient.

All this and there's some god weirdo with mismatched eyes watching them, an offering of journies they can take to revive Narinder's siblings, and returning the power of resurrection so the Lamb can work on their original goal: reviving the family they lost before all of this began.

Something something something enemies to freniemies to wary friends to deeply caring friends to a very self-conflicted moment of 'oh'.

Notes: Narinder is a LOT more pissed off in the AU because I imagine having your power stolen like that right out of being imprisoned for 1000 years is something that would piss someone off a lot longer than how upset he was in the game. Lamb also is an idiot but in a good way, and has goals that no one else knows about.

I think I'm gonna name the fic 'The Rehabilitation of Death'

[bellarkeselection]

hey! I have a submission/request for a fanfic for whenever you can get to it.

While Monica and Kayce are separated, Kayce and a female farm hand (who has been around for a few years) end up having a drunken night together. Feeling ashamed, she ends up drinking in the pasture (clearly hasn’t learnt her lesson) with Rip. She ends up having a night with Rip as well. Well a few weeks later she finds out she is pregnant and doesn’t know who the father is. She tries to hide the pregnancy for a bit until she can find out the paternity but something happens and she has to spill the beans to them

Two Baby Daddy’s

None of us say that we are going to help someone cheat on their husband or wife…sometimes these things happen. But what I didn’t expect was having two possible baby daddy's to the infant growing in my belly…let's go back to the beginning though shall we?

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I rolled over on my side feeling a soft bed mattress underneath me. My gaze found a familiar tousled locks of brown curly hair that could only belong to Kayce Dutton. I sat slightly up on the pillows just staring at him. “You sure know how to show a girl a good time, Dutton.” I kissed his head climbing out of the covers shrugging on my clothes that we had thrown around the room the night before.

I snatched my hat off the door handle leaving his bedroom and went straight to the barn. Climbing on my horse the work day wasn't bad and the guys were playing poker and drinking beer by the end of the night. I walked outside of the building leaning against the wooden fence drinking from my beer hearing footsteps coming up behind me. “You didn’t talk much today. Care to explain why?” Rip came walking up to me.

“The cattle don't care much for talkin’. And I just didn't have anything good to share except that I am a coward who can’t tell the guy I like how I feel without a whole lot of alcohol.” I take a long drink feeling the buzz in my head starting to appear.

Rip leans on the fence watching me. I had been a loyal farm hand for years. He respected me as much as John does. “Everybody makes mistakes in their life. You just have to man up and take responsibility for it.”

“That sounds like a good idea. But I'd rather do the opposite it and just make the pair go away for a few hours. What do ya say, Wheeler?” I swayed my hips at him holding the beer bottle in my freehand trying to gain his attention.

Rip stood there for a moment debating in his head. He knew Beth would tear down whoever slept with her man even though she didn't much care for labels on relationships. “Beth wouldn't like that very much if we hooked up.”

“Hey, it's not like I'm just some random girl. I am her best friend and you could just say you did it to make me happy for a night. She won't sink her claws into me over that.” I slowly walked up to him running my freehand down his chest ever so slowly. “What do you say. One more girl before you make Berh your wife forever?”

Y/n, I….hell with it.” Rip decided to change his mind cupping my face and smashing his lips onto mine before his brain told him this was wrong.

Moving my hands up his chest I moaned into the kiss enjoying the feeling. The bottle in my hands dropped to the dust and dirt underneath our boots. Rip tugged me closer to his chest deepening the kiss. “We should get out of here before they come looking for us out here.” He warned me of the cowboys fighting inside the bunkhouse over who was really winning the poker game.

Dragging me to his cabin Rip kicked open the door and I jumped up into his arms wrapping my legs around his waist. He carried me to his bedroom, sitting me on the bed. We each quickly removed our clothes before I held his face in my hands pulling him down onto me and the bed.

That night was two weeks ago and it brought more conflict than I ever wanted in my life.

Walking down the hallway of the main house and to Beth’s room I knocked three times before she opened the door knowing it was me. “Did you get what I asked you for?”

“Yes I did. My father knows I can’t have kids. So you better be more discreet about this.” She moved out of the way, letting me inside the bedroom. She reached into her purse handing me a pack of pregnancy tests.

Taking out one I went into the nearest bathroom while she stood guard inside with me, blocking the door shut with her body. “Thanks Beth…..oh I’m so screwed now.” Holding the test in my hands it took a few minutes before we had an answer.

“Do you know who the father is?” She questioned me, arms crossed over her chest.

Lifting my head up I felt my entire body shiver at the thought. I hadn’t told her about me and Rip yet since it was just a one time thing. “I uh….I slept with Rip. But I also slept with Kayce a few days earlier.”

“If you were anyone else I would kick your ass. But because you are my friend I will help you hide this until you find out who the father is.” She responded to me helping me to my feet before we went our separate ways.

Weeks later -

Climbing down from my horse as quickly as possible when I got into the barn after work saying that I wasn’t feeling too good and so Rip let me heed back earlier. Stumbling into the dirt I rushed over to one of the empty stalls that we kept the horses in. I bent my head over the wall and puked whatever was in my stomach. “Y/n, woah hey. Hey are you alright?”

“Kayce?” I croaked through the fact that I was trying to catch my breath still.

He was holding my hair back out of my face when I slowly turned around to face him. “Rip said you weren't feeling well so I thought I'd come check on you.”

“Thanks Kayce. But I'm fine.” I pushed away from him, snatching my hat up from the dirt ground and dusting the dust off of it.

Kayce stared at me and stepped forward grabbing me by the forearm when I attempted to leave the barn. “Hold on a second. There's something I need to talk to you about. Beth, just told me she wants me and Rip to come down to the hospital with you.”

“Shit Bethany. What the hell are you doing?” I cursed under my breath.

I have been keeping this a secret for a few weeks now. I needed to keep my job after all and not ruin my friendship or whatever that I had with the Dutton standing in front of me now. I had gone to the hospital yesterday evening asking for a paternity test to find out who the father of the baby was. “Do you want to explain why she would want me and Rip to go to the hospital with you?”

“Kayce, I…it’s because-”

“Y/n, are you feeling better? We managed to finish the job earlier so the boys are going out for drinks if you want to come with us.” Rip's voice entered the barn and he dismounted his horse seeing the two of us.

Glancing over my shoulder, my chest tightening in a panic mode. “Rip?”

“Is something going on here I need to involve the boss in?” Rip points his finger from me to Kayce.

Clutching my hands into fists I sucked in a sharp breath. The two men were just staring at me now. Thanks to Beth I supposed I have no choice but to explain the situation if I don't want them to both be angry with me later down the line. “There's something I need to talk to you two about…I'm pregnant.” Lifting the sweatshirt I had on you could see a growing belly underneath the shirt I was wearing.

“You're pregnant. How far along…do you think it's mine?’ Kayce covers his mouth with his hands.

Rip blinked when I focused my attention on him. “Or it could be mine.”

“Yes, That's why I took the test. The reason Beth told you Kayce is because the doctor has the results now.” I whispered avoiding their gazes on me.

Rip headed towards the doorway and we followed him to the truck. Beth came with us since she knew I needed a friend when we entered the room and the doctor came in with the results. “This will be a very interesting conversation for the father. So I will say congratulations to you Y/n. The father has the same blood DNA as Mr. Dutton.”

“I'm gonna be a father again?” Kayce breathed out.

Beth pushed the doctor out of the room and Rip followed her out into the hallway leaving us alone in the room. “Thanks for the help. Now let them yell at each other then kiss alone.”

I remained in my seat, hands covering my mouth with my hands so terrified of what I would say to him. There were two options he could say to me. He would either be happy or not want anything to do with me and our baby. “Kayce, I don't know where to start. I should have told you how I felt before now. It shouldn't have been alcohol to make me have the guts to tell you that I've had feelings for you for years.”

“It was because of Monica and me why you didn't say anything wasn't it?” He turned his head at me and we were looking the other in the eye. “I'm sorry I didn't see your feelings earlier…I love Tate. I guess he was right that I was too chicken to tell you the truth.”

I blinked through some tears needing to hear the words from him to believe it. “Kayce, how do you feel about me?”

“This is how, Darling.” He got to his feet, getting down on his knees in front of me. I gasped feeling him press his lips down onto mine slowly. Wrapping my arms around his neck I kissed him back until we needed air and he was panting for breath. “I've always had feelings for you. I won't leave you and this baby.”

I gasped sniffing through happy tears. “You won't. But what about Tate?”

“He's gonna be thrilled to have a sibling.” Kayce chuckled, kissing my forehead. “I love you Y/n.”

Laying my head against his chest I smiled when he wrapped his arms around my waist holding me. “I love you too, Kayce.”

[districtxii]

Thoughts upon finishing The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Spoilers unmarked ahead as it's been out for a while and the title of the post warns for them.

As I've mentioned in my other few posts about it so far, I came into TBOSAS as a movie-only watcher despite having been a book-first person back when the original Hunger Games films came out.

I've got to say that when I heard the idea of a prequel about President Snow which included a love story, my tumblr-raised self wasn't particularly interested. I remember seeing the book display at Walmart when it first came out and not really having time or interest at the time.

However, the movie trailer caught my attention, and I'm really glad that it did.

I am happy that TBOSAS, while having a single POV character in Snow, switched from first person narration to third person. I remember reading meta years ago that I wholeheartedly agree with. While one can make the argument that the "blindspots" one gets in the original trilogy themselves make a point, having a slightly more zoomed out, third person point of view just feels better for the scope of the story. As an English teacher, I can't help but feel like it's a little more mature, too.

But without the movie, I still don't know if I would have ever picked up this book in audio or visual format.

Funnily enough, looking back on the first four Hunger Games movies, I actually don't like them as much as I like the books for the most part. The visuals are good in parts, but I do not like the casting philosophy that was used. I sort of hope that we are around long enough to see remakes as a prestige miniseries or something like that.

Back to thoughts on TBOSAS: I remember seeing a few kind of poorly produced (sorry lol) thinkpieces on websites like ScreenRant that were insisting that you weren't getting the full picture from the movie, that the movie made Snow too sympathetic, that you have to understand he's a monster because he views Lucy Gray in an objectifying manner or because he gets Sejanus killed.

I think that those takes have a point. However, I think that they also miss the nuance of the narrative, and I am not even suggesting that the prose is particularly deep or esoteric. Just that people love to be reactionary.

What I saw in Snow's character throughout the book was someone who was warring with various philosophical and personal dilemmas without having anyone he ever really trusted to talk through it.

There are moments with Lucy Gray and with Sejanus when Coryo almost opens up completely. When he has real conversations with them. But, like Katniss, he is a traumatized person who has a lot of baggage which makes him strategize and behave defensively with every decision he makes.

If anything, Coryo is LESS closed off than Katniss is at first throughout most of the story.

I couldn't source it, but I distinctly remember reading someone suggest that they believed that Coriolanus became irredeemable when he got Sejanus killed. However, reading through his internal conflict about the decision to snitch on him was one of the times when I found Coriolanus the most human and relatable. He was torn in every direction. He is someone who is deeply propagandized into a fascist regime whose family has a personal narrative of power and meaning within that regime. He also believes that the Capitol is necessary and better than the alternative. He wants Sejanus to survive and to change his mind. He wants him to stop putting himself in danger. He wants him to stop implicating Coriolanus by association. And yet, Coriolanus does feel responsible and tied to him, however much he hates it.

Coriolanus defends himself from emotional attachment and the cost of loving anyone, romantically or platonically, as a defense mechanism.

It isn't until he works himself into a frenzy and narrates what Lucy Gray must be thinking out at the lake in the end that he finds himself so utterly alone in his own head that he has no choice in his mind except to give into his colder side that he associates with his father, the Capitol, and ruthlessness.

Interestingly, a running theme throughout the book - without ever being explicitly stated in these exact words - is that Coriolanus is irreligious and doesn't believe in gods, rituals, or an afterlife. Every time someone brings up the stars or fate or performs some kind of ritual associated with passing on an even in the scene where Lucy Gray sings about the hereafter and therebefore, he can't help but internally scoff at the idea. He holds himself as more enlightened than those who believe in such superstitions.

But then, when he is all alone and trying to navigate his way back to District 12 with his father's compass, he starts to believe that there is some kind of spiritual guidance and blessing from his father, whom he never even felt close to except as an idea.

I think that Coriolanus's internal journey is an exploration of opposites and the divide that Lucy Gray describes and how evil is rarely even a boundary over which one cannot cross back into good from. It's just that, at a certain point, Coriolanus cannot bear the weight of his own guilt and misgivings if he ever turns back to a "better" path.

On the subject of Lucy Gray: I've got to say that I thought the book was effective in showing Lucy Gray as someone with dimension and depth that Coriolanus saw glimpses of but never really fully understood. Had he stayed with her and not needed "civilization" so much, I believe he would have learned to see her as more and more of a full person. However, the way she is written in the book, it is really hard for me to get a mental image of her at all.

Again, I think that this is perhaps intentional as a part of this format of the story. However, I find that I appreciate Rachel Ziegler's portrayal of Lucy Gray so much because without it, I'm not sure I would find that much to emotionally invest in. This is actually quite the opposite, as I like my mental image of Katniss far more than JLaw's portrayal lol.

Anyway, those are my wrap-up thoughts.

[fluffydeoxys]

may I ask how you developed your relationships for zero, both romantic and platonic. I kinda need help with my own and you’re one of my favorite oc x canon artists at the moment, I love your work and you’re a huge inspiration !

ouuu... thank you.... (big wet eyes) That's a huge, very high compliment to me thank you!

If you have any further questions feel free to ask! I LOVE developing OCs and stories. I wouldn't say I'm any type of 'authority' on the matter, but I just love the process of creating, of developing and exploring. There's a reason why I named my mascot "The Editor" hehe, but anyway.

Putting a cut here because I talk a lot. I think if I put this on people's dashes it would be legitimately annoying LMAO. But if you're interested in reading about some of Zero's creation process and character dynamics, there's a fair bit of that in here

With Zero I had a lot of existing elements to work with, so some of her dynamics/ideas got a headstart. In addition, I wanted a romantic dynamic with 2BHank, so I asked myself: how could I make it interesting without losing the essence of 2BHank?

The Arena Mode story provided the blueprint for Zero and 2BD's dynamic. Initially, it's not dissimilar to how the story goes and the two have mutual respect. Doc is a little more eccentric and egotistical but he likes how obedient and efficient Zero is. He has a fondness for that, which unravels into genuine attraction with some more unhealthy elements when he learns of her "true origin."

With Hank, I wanted some sort of foil/parallel to his tendencies/mannerisms. Arena Mode also provides a perfect example of this. Zero's killing is duty-bound. It is boring. Hank's killing is freeform. It is fun. They are similar yet different, largely silent to mute characters whose existence is to kill, to maim. They learn from each other, in a way. But I didn't want them to overlap too heavily because that ended up being quite boring, so I wanted some contrasts.

Contrasting elements can be good on a character interaction or thematic scale. Foils are important to demonstrate key elements of what you want to say with a character or their story, and for me, how HankZero kills is important. How they perceive life and death and interact with it in the context of Nevada is an integral part of the story I wish to tell with them.

I think essentially look at what story you want to say, or if not something on that type of scale, what kind of dynamic you want to explore. Hell even start with one character, and then think about the scenarios you want to put them in. It's how I started with the multi-character concept that I'm currently working on.

Also take inspiration from media! Sometimes I do so deliberately, other times its quite subtle or unintentional. The dynamic between Rory and Jane (who I will reveal soon) has a lot of similarities to Elita One and Bumblebee, which I didn't plan but it helped refine their ideas. Conversely, Zero was inspired a lot by silent indie game protagonists, the Courier from FNV, etc.

When it came to evaluating Zero and the relationships she has with others, it was important to remind myself of the core aspects of each character. Sometimes I literally list them out as positive/neutral/negative traits (old technique from my OC development), or outline them as dot points. I also do this to help keep the character clear in my mind, and to ensure they stay relatively balanced in "pros" and "cons." It has helped because somewhere along the line with Zero I realised I didn't actually know what I was "saying" with her. Hence my current rewriting.

One element I definitely fail at/find lacking is creating conflicts between characters. I subconsciously make a lot of dynamics where they're usually on fine terms. Zero is mostly because she is quite forgiving and neutral, almost to a bad degree. But I think it's more fun and compelling when characters aren't perfect, they argue, and they have faults and flaws that make them clash. Hank finds it annoying how obedient Zero is sometimes. Doc finds it annoying when Zero and Hank fight and end up killing each other and wasting his time. Zero has an extremely hard time talking about what's bothering her so sometimes she's perpetually irritable and closed off.

When it came to reflecting on character dynamics as a whole, I stepped back at looked at the fundamentals of Zero. She is essentially a silent protagonist who came into this world feeling nothing. The way she was made, formed and trained makes her distinctly inhuman. Many of her relationships highlight this aspect of her in some way. But she has found herself through the people she has formed bonds with. That serious part of her interspersed with some silly charm. She doesn't express much, but those who know her can see the subtle differences. She is a guardian to all life, protective of the weak. But she will kill. She has learned she cannot save everything.

I'm still refining and adjusting elements on a day-to-day basis. More recently I've fleshed out her relationships with Deimos and Sanford. I think there is a subtle romantic element between them, but nonetheless, Sanmos is the more 'human' exploration of her. Deimos is lively, a huge chatterbox and quite silly. Zero has a great fondness for that and sort of follows him around like a silent shadow. She sees his vices and has little judgment for them (she doesn't really have a ton of personal opinions), so Dei feels strangely vulnerable and safe around her. He's great at reading her face, cus he got a lot of practice from when Sanford was really closed off. Deimos was the first person to hear her voice (besides Dave).

Sanford is her emotional bedrock. He was in a pretty similar situation to her (emotionally speaking), shutting everyone out and stonewalling emotions/life/etc. He empathises with her deeply and wants to help her, and is the first to notice/reach out. Zero takes a LONG time to open up to him, but eventually, she does and she's much better off for it. They share tender physical intimacy; Sanford likes to put his hand on her shoulder, and Zero will stand closer to him. When she needs quiet and to relax, she usually seeks Sanford out. Because Sanford understands Zero, she also understands him, so in their worst moments they support each other.

For the rest, I definitely want to flesh things out more. I've been thinking a little more about the aspects with Dave, but I'd like more detail for Skinner and Pava. And of course, I'd actually like to get QBert and Bossman in there somehow, because I can't think of a particular "point" that would make them interesting. Eg. for Pava, it was the weapon modification.

Having a good grasp on the character individually can also help with thinking of more random interactions. I don't think Zero is super interesting on her own, but putting her with Sheriff for example was pretty funny. Her passive demeanour and face looks eerily similar to Hank, which frightens the fuck out of him. But she just thinks he's cute, especially with how flighty he is. She has a lot of respect for what he's built with the MERCs.

Her relationship with the Maker is also interesting too, I think. I'm still reworking it alongside Zero's story so I hesitate to explain the particulars right now, but it's quite similar to the Pale King and the Hollow Knight.

Hopefully that explains? Some things? There's a lot of me talking about my own stuff but hopefully there's some useable advice/ideas in there. hehe

It sounds lame and boring and overdone to hell but genuinely reading/watching a lot of different things can inspire you in ways you didn't expect. It's something I need to do a lot more of.

[espace--positif]

A Dragon Age Newbie's First Impressions of Inquisition Companions [Part 1/?]

SO. I've acquired ye olde Dragon Age brainrot after completing Veilguard and starting Inquisition. I have a lot of Thoughts and Ideas TM about both games, so while I decide whether I should make a separate blog for DA, enjoy this messy post on my first impressions of all the Inquisition companions. I also wanna be able to look back at this and see whether my judgments were right or wrong lmao. Yes this is what I'm doing instead of writing fics.

Spoilers for... I don't know where I'm at in Inquisition man. I just got to Skyhold and did a few missions. And MAJOR DAV spoilers, probably. Under the cut.

Cassandra

CASSANDRA PENTAGHAST THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE.

she honestly grew on me a lot. I knew I wanted to like her from like, the opening scene. she just exudes intensity, and you can immediately tell that she cares. she, however did not like my Lavellan one bit, and disapproved of every single choice I made for a while 😭

early game Cassandra whenever Lavellan breathed:

but she honestly feels like the realest, and maybe most good-hearted character in all of DAI. conflicted, caring, under far too much pressure, and with a cold exterior that isn't just there for the sake of being unapproachable. she second-guesses all of her choices, which I believe is HEALTHY for someone who has that much power.

as I progress through the game and get to know her more, I just end up liking her even more. she also knows how to disagree with you, on small and large things, while keeping an open mind and trying to understand your reasoning - that also encourages me to hear her out. I truly enjoy that about her! her VA is also STELLAR, I just love to hear her talk!!

overall, 10/10 no notes.

Solas

oh you motherfucker.

so DAV Varric (or whoever it was who said this) lied when he said this rat egg man doesn't lie to your face and only lies by omission.

"I know about the fade because of my studies in ancient ruins" "I know about spirits because I befriended them in my dreams"

what if I punched you in the throat? ok but in all honesty. I'm trying to do the Solavellan ting and, well, he's got game. I'll give him that. I was positively shook at the first fade dream thing. they teach you how to rizz up dalish women in those ancient elven ruins? 🤨

speaking of dalish. why is he so mad that Lavellan is dalish LMAO. my ass chose the "proudly dalish" option and he DISAPPROVED. it's not Lavellan's fault that that one dalish clan threw rocks at you when you told them you were fen'harel! damn...

overall? I need to see how badly he betrays her to make a better judgment. will it be worse than the DAV betrayal? probably. will I eat it up? absolutely.

Varric

VARRIC MY GOAT!! THE REALEST MF IN ALL OF THEDAS!!!

I love Varric so much. it obviously helped to play DAV before, so I kinda knew him... for like, 20 minutes, I guess...

anyway, I'm really looking forward to getting to know him some more. as always, he's the only mf who cares how your character is feeling, who bothers to check in on you because everyone just tells you to roll with all the Crazy Shit TM that's happening. everyone keeps asking WHO is the herald of andraste, WHERE is the herald of andraste. no one ever asks HOW is the herald of andraste. except Varric.

he's caring, hilarious, compassionate, but also extremely REAL. cause yeah, Varric, you SHOULD'VE run the other way the moment Cassandra set you free. this breach shit is crazy! but you're literally too good of a man to do that 😭

I also cannot stop laughing at his reaction to Cory being alive. "shit, we stabbed him a bunch, I can't believe he's alive"

Varric continue to be your best real self, I am your biggest cheerleader as you are mine ❤️

Blackwall

ok so Blackwall is great. just a chill dude. super chill actually! however. he's kind of not very helpful at all, is he? "why did the wardens disappear?" "idk. can i join your inquisition?"

you're in luck, we actually take anyone because we're desperate!

but what can he actually do. him being a warden doesn't seem to help very much, because he literally never displays any warden expertise. when Stroud (?) mentions how all the wardens hear the calling now because of mr. Cory, he goes "oh shit yeah me too". and you just forgot to mention it? world's chillest warden, I guess.

I like him! but I just don't know why he's there especially when Iron Bull absolutely clears him when it comes to warrior combat.

anyway thank you Blackwall, very cool!

---

This post has been long enough, so I will make a Part 2 at some point thanks bye!!

[linkspooky]

Bohman is a good character you guys are just mean

Yu-Gi-Oh Vrains is one of the better received spinoff series. Though, like any of the Yu-Gi-Oh spinoffs it's not without its faults. Usually I'm the first to admit the flaws in my favorite silly card game shows, even while I myself take them way too seriously. However, there's one common criticism I can't bring myself to agree with.

That is calling the main antagonist of the second season Bohman "boring" or "badly written." I've noticed fans unfairly blame Bohman for season 2's writing flaws.

Forget for a moment about whether or not you find Bohman's stoic attitude interesting or likable. If you look at characters not as people, but as narrative tools the author uses to say something about the story's themes then Bohman has a lot to say about VRAINS cyberpunk themes.

Cyberpunk is a subgenre of science fiction that tends to focus on "low-life and high-tech." As I like to put it, in Cyberpunk settings technology has greatly advanced while society itself lags behind unable to keep pace with the rate at which technology changes. Yu Gi Oh 5Ds is an example of a cyberpunk dystopia because despite having what is essentially access to free energy, and living in a society with highly advanced technology resources are hoarded by the wealthy and an unnecessary social class divide still exists.

In other words technology changes quickly while humans tend to remain the same.

The central conflict for all three seasons of Vrains are actually based on this very cyberpunk notion. That technology changes, updates, and becomes obsolete at a rate too fast for humans to ever adapt to. For Vrains, the conflict is whether humans can ever coexist with an artificial intelligence they created that can grow and change faster than they can keep up with.

This is well-tread ground in science fiction. The idea itself most likely emerged from I,robot. A science fiction book that is a collection of dirty stories that details a fictional history showing robots growing slowly advanced over time. The framing device is that a journalist is interviewing a "robopsychologist" an expert in the field of analyzing how robots think in their positronic brains.

One of the major themes of the book is despite the fact that robots are 1 - intelligent and 2 - designed by humans, they don't think the same way humans do. Hence why a robopsychologist is needed in the first place. One of the short stories is the first appearance of Asimov's three laws of robotics.

The First Law: A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

The Second Law: A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

The Third Law: A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

This is just one example. A robot no matter how intelligent it is will be required to think in terms of these three laws, because robots aren't biological, they're programmed to think in pre-determined patterns.

Of course clever enough artificial intelligences are capable of finding loopholes that get around the three laws, but even then they're still forced to think of every action in terms of the three laws.

Robots and humans are both intelligent, but if AI ever becomes self aware it will 1) be able to process information better than any other human can and 2) think differently from humans on a fundamental.

Vrains is themed more than anything else around "robo psychology" or trying to understand the ways in how the Ignis think and how that's different from it's human characters.

Robo-Psychology is actually a common reocurring theme. "DO ANDROIDS DREAM OF ELECTRIC SHEEP?" fearless artificial humans known as Replicants who need an empathy test known as the voight kampff test to distinguish them from human beings.

There are other Cyberpunk elements in Vrains. There's a big virtual world where everyone can appear as custom designed avatars, that's taken from Snow Crash or of the most famous and genre defining cyberpunk novels. There's a big rich mega conglomerate that's being opposed by a group of hackers.

However, the central question is whether humans and AI can coexist in spite of the fact that AI are much smarter and evolve faster than us.

Revolver's father believes the Ignis must be destroyed in order to avoid a possible technological singularity in the future.

The technological singularity—or simply the singularity[1]—is a future point in time at which technological growth becomes uncontrollable.  According to the most popular version of the singularity hypothesis an upgradable artificial intelligence will eventually enter a positive feedback loop of self-improvement cycles, each new and more intelligent generation appearing more and more rapidly, causing a rapid increase ("explosion") in intelligence that surpasses anything humans can make.

Basically your computer is smarter than you, but your computer isn't self aware. It needs you to tell it what to do. Artificial intelligence already exists but it's programmed by humans, it doesn't program itself. The technological singularity proposes that eventually a self aware ai, will be able to program itself and improve upon it's own programming- therefore ridding itself of the need of it's human programmers.

This is what leads us to Bohman, an AI designed by another AI.

THE THIRD LAW

Before digging into Bohman let's take a minute to discuss his creator. Lightning was one of the six Ignis, created by Dr. Kogami through the Hanoi Project.

The Hanoi project involved forcing six children to duel in a virtual arena repeatedly, and using the data collected from that experiment to improve the AI they were working on, creating what became known as the Ignis. However, after Dr. Kogami ran several simulations and found that the Ignis would one day be a threat to the humans that created them Hakase decided instead to try destroying the Ignis before that future ever came to pass.

We later learn that this isn't the complete story.

Kogami and Lightning both ran simulations of the future when the Ignis were in their infancy. Kogami's simulations showed him the Ignis would inevitably go to war with humans. Lighting however, ran more in-depth simulations and found that he was the one that was corrupting the data set. If you ran simulations of the five ignis without him, then the projected futures were all in the green, but any simulation with Lightning counted as a part of the group projected a negative future for both humans and AI.

Which means that if Kogami knew that the bug in the program was Lightning, he'd likely respond by just getting rid of Lighting and letting the rest of the Ignis live on as originally intended.

This is where the third law comes into play - a robot must protect its own existence as long as it does not interfere with the first and second law.

Now, I don't think Kogami used the three laws exactly, but artificial intelligences are programmed in certain ways, and Lightning was likely programmed to preserve itself.

Even a human in Lighting's situation would be driven to act as they did. Imagine you're in a group of six people, and you fid out that YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. That if they removed you, everything else would be fine. Wouldn't you be afraid of your creator turning against you? Of your friends turning against you and nobody taking your side?

Lightning is a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ai asks him at one point why he went so far as to destroy their safe-haven, lie and said the humans did it and pick a fight with the humans himself, something that might have been avoided if they'd just stayed in hiding. It seems that Lightning is just defective as his creator declared him, but you have to remember he's an AI programmed to think in absolutes. AI, the most humanlike and spontaneous of the AIs ends up making nearly the exact same choices as Lightning when looking at his simulations later on - because they're character foils. As different as they may seem they still think differently from humans.

When Ai explains why he made his decisions based around lighting's simulation, he tells Playmaker that he can't dismiss or ignore the simulation or hope for the best the way Playmaker can because he is data, he thinks in simulations and processes.

AI even admits to feeling the same feelings of self-preservation that Lightning did.

While Lightning may seem selfish, he's selfish in the fact that he's thinking of his own survival above all else. He's afraid of 1) his creators turning against him, and 2) his fellow Ignis turning against him.

To solve the first he decides to make a plan to wipe out his creators. To solve the second, he needs every ignis on his side when he goes to war. The first thing he does is destroy their safe haven and frame the humans for it so the Ignis are more inclined to take his side. He's so afraid of his fellow ignis turning against him he even completely reprograms one of them - a step he doesn't take with the others, he just imprisons Aqua. He probably thought having one more ally would make it more likely for the others to pick his side.

Every step he takes is a roundabout way of ensuring his survival and the other ignis- eve when he actually goes to war with the other ignis he intended on letting them survive. Though his definition of survival (fusing with Bohman) was different than theirs.

So Lightning seems to be working out of an inferiority complex, but what he's really afraid of is that his inferiority makes him expendable.

At that point you have to wonder, what does death mean exactly to a being who is otherwise immortal? Ignis won't die of age, they'll only die if they're captured and have their data stripped apart or corrupted. Kogami made an immortal being afraid to die.

Some part of me thinks though that even after taking all these steps to preserve themselves, the simulations were so convincing that Lighting accepted their death as inevitable. Which is why they made Bohman, to find some way for them to keep on living afterwards.

After all AI are data, ad having their data saved in Bohman is still a form of living by Lightning's definition.

Ghost in The Shell

Bohman is the singularity. He's an AI designed by another AI to improve upon itself. Unlike the rest of the Ignis who were copied off of traumatized chidlren, Lightning basically made him from scratch.

Ghost in the Sell is a famous anime cyberpunk movie directed by Mamoru Oshii. The title comes from "Ghost in the Machine" a term originally used to describe and critique the mind existing alongside and separate from the body. Whereas in the movie the "Ghost" is the huma consciousness, while the "shell" is a cybernetic body.

The protagonist of Ghost in the Shell is Major Motoko Kusanagi, a human that is 99% cyborg at this point, a human brain residing in a completely mechanical body. The movie opens up with a hacker namd PUppet Master who is capable of "ghost-hacking" which is a form of hacking that completely modifies the victim's memories utterly convincing them of their false memories.

There's a famous scene in the movie where a man tells the police about his wife and daughter, only to be told that he's a bachelor who lives alone and he's never had a wife and daughter. Even after the truth is revealed to him, the fake memories are still there in his brain along with the correct ones. Technology is so advanced at this point that digital memories (hacked memories) are able to be manipulated, and seem more real than an analog reality.

Anyway, guess what happens to Bohman twice?

Bohman gets his memories completely rewritten twice. The first time he believes he's a person looking for his lost memories, the second time he thinks he's the real playmaker ripped out of his body, and playmaker is the copy. He's utterly convinced of these realities both time, because Bohman is entirely digital - and simulations are reality, and so simulated memories are just the same as real memories.

I think part of the reason that people find Bohman boring is because he's a little strange conceptually to wrap your head around, as an AI produced AI he's the farthest from behind human. If you use the ghost in the shell example I just gave you though - imagine being utterly convinced that you had a loving wife and daughter only to find out in a police interrogation room you're a single man living in a shitty apartment. imagine after the fact you still remember that they are real, even though you know they're not.

That's the weird space Bohman exists in for most of Season 2 when he's searching for himself. He's an AI designed by an AI so he can be rewritten at any time according to Lightning's whim until Lighting decides he's done cooking.

The Ignis at least interacted with the real world because they were copy pasted from traumatized children, but all Bohman is is data. So, why would he see absorbing human memories into himself and converting them into data as killing them? He is data after all, and he is alive. He has gone through the process of having his own memories rewritten multiple times, and he's fine with it b/c he's data.

Nothing for Bohman is real, everything is programmed so of course he thinks saving other people as data is just fine. He even offers to do the same thing to Playmaker that was done to him.

If Lightning is following the path of self-preservation however, Bohman is following his program to preserve everything in the world by merging with it.

His ideas also follow the idea of transhumanism: the theory that science and technology can help human beings develop beyod what is physically and mentally possible. That technology exists to blur the boundaries of humanity, and what humans are capable of.

Ghost in the Shell isn't just a work of cyberpunk, it's a transhumanist piece. Motoko Kusanagi is a character who has had so many of her human parts replaced with mechanical ones she even posits at one point it's possible for her to simply have been an android that was tricked into thinking it was human with false memories just like Bohman, and she has no real way of knowing for sure. The only biological part of her his her brain after all in a cold mechanical shell.

Bato, who represents the humanist perspective in this movie basically tells Motoko in that scenario it wouldn't matter if she was a machine. If everyone still treats her as human then what's the difference? His views are probably the closest to the humanist views that Playmaker represents in VRAINS.

Motoko Kusanagi meets her complete and total opposite, a ghost in the machine so to speak. The Puppet Master turns out to be an artificial intelligence that has become completely self-aware and is currently living in the network.

The Puppet Master much like Lightning, and later Bohman is gripping with the philosophical conundrum of mortality. In the final scene of the movie, The Puppet Master who wants to be more like all other biological matter on earth asks Motoko to fuse with him, so the two of them can reproduce and create something entirely new. The Puppet Master likens this to the way that biological beings reproduce.

Bohman like The Puppetmaster thinks that merging will fix something that's incomplete inside of him because he's so disconnected from all the biological processes of life. Bohman doesn't have anything except for which Lightning already prepared for him or programmed into him. I mean imagine being a being that can have his memories reprogrammed on the net, that in itself is existentially horrifying. It's only natural he wouldn't feel connected to anything.

Motoko accepts the Puppetmaster's proposal. Playmaker rejects Bohman's proposal. I don't think there's a right answer here, because it's speculative fiction, it's a "What if?" for two different paths people can take in the future.

However, in Bohman's case I don't think he was truly doing what he wanted. Puppet Master became self aware and sought his own answers by breaking free from his programming. Bohman thought he was superior to the Ignis, but in the end he was just following what Lightning programmed him to do. He'd had his identity programmed and reprogrammed so many times, he didn't think of what he wanted until he was on the brink of defeat by playmaker and then it was too late.

When Playmaker defeats him all he thinks about is time spent together with Haru, with the two of them as individuals. Something he can no longer do anymore now that he's absorbed Haru as data, and something that he misses.

He's not even all that sad or horrified at the prospect of death as Lightning was, and he even finds solace in the thought of going to oblivion with Haru, because if he were to keep living it'd be without Haru. In other words the one genuine bond he made with someone else by spending time with them as an individual was more important than his objective of fusing with all of humanity - which he believed was also bonding with them.

This is really important too, because it sets up the Yusaku's rejection of fusing with Ai. Yusaku's reasoning has already been demonstrated to be the case with Bohman and Haru. Bohman was perfectly happy being two individuals, as long as he had a bond with his brother. When he ascended into a higher being he lost that. Ai and Yusaku might solve loneliness in a way by merging together into a higher being, they might even last forever that way, but they'd lose something too.

Once again the problem with AIs is that they think in absolutes. That's important to understanding Lightning, Bohman and even Ai's later actions. Lightning can't stand any percentage chance that he might die, so he kills the professor, destroys the ignis homeworld, pulls the trigger to start humanity himself, he even reprograms his own allies all to give himself some sense of control.

Bohman's entire existence is outside of his control. He's rewritten twice onscreen, probably more than that, and he thinks merging with humanity is the thing that will give him that control - by ascending into a higher being than humanity. However, the temporary bond Bohman had with his brother Haru, was actually what he valued the most all along. Moreso than the idea of fusing with humanity forever.

Even Motoko making the choice to go with the transhumanist option is something that's not portrayed as 100% the right choice. Ghost in the Shell has a sequel that portrays the depression and isolation of Bato, the Major's closest friend and attachment to her humanity after she made the decision to fuse together with Puppet Master. In that case, just like Playmaker said to Ai, even if she ascended to a higher form, and even if she might last forever now on the network, something precious was lost. Motoko may exist somewhere on the netowrk but for Batoto his friend is gone.

Ai exhibits the same flaw as the previous two, he ca only think in absolutes, he can't stand even a 1% chance that Playmaker might choose to sacrifice himself for Ai and die, so he decides to take the choice entirely out of Playmaker's hands. However, no matter what Ai would have lost Playmaker one day, because all bonds are temporary. It's just Ai wanted to have that sense of control, so he chose to self-destruct and take that agency and free choice away from Playmaker.

It's a tragedy that repeats three times. Ai too just like Bohman, spends his last moments thinking about what was most precious to him was the bond he formed with playmaker, as temporary as it was. A tragedy that arises from the inability of the Ais to break away from the way they're programmed to think in simulations and data, even when they're shown to be capable of forming bonds based on empathy with others.

All three of them add something to the themes of artificial intelligence, and transhumanism that are in play at Vrains and none of them are boring because they all contribute to the whole.

Which is why everyone needs to stop being mean to Bohman right now, or else I'm going to make an even longer essay post defending him.

[salt-clangen]

AGHHH THE LATEST UPDATE IS SO GOODDD

First Snow and Night 2nd litter coming soon?? I know obviously story wise no b/c like Night baby having another litter ain't going to fix shit. Go bond with your already here kids. But, what I'm thinking, one moon, the pregnancy thing was rolled between the two in the game, and this is your way of it making sense story wise (manifesting another litter rn for anybody)

Also just all the Snow moments ahhh love seeing it.

AND OF COURSE MY BOI MALLOW!!! #1 MALLOW FAN OVER HERE!!! No joke I relate to him so hard. Having anxiety and struggling to tell people, especially when things are "supposed to be fine" and everything is finally ok (chronic overthinker and worry about bad things happening when shi finally good over here). Or even more so when you've been through a lot and know how to fix it, but unfortunately shit happens and you feel guilty for "regressing." Like ahhh it's so hard to tell someone you need help when you beat yourself up over it but you just gotta push through that anxiety/uncomfyness and tell someone. Like genuinely Mallow so me coded arghhhhh

AND FINALLY THE HORRORS??? LOSTCLAW WHO ARE YOU??? Like genuinely, I feel like I'm reading a horror novel, and I feel the anxiety and stress of these characters. Also I JUST LOVE SPIRITS AND GHOSTS!!! This point in the story is just reminding me of countless haunted places in the world of people who visit/work there recounting all the scary and weird shit that happens. Feel like I'm watching videos of ghost explorers visiting a haunted place but having no clue it's haunted/what's going on. Like I'm so excited the story is going this way even though everyone will be put through the horrors (just the sacrifice that had to be made 😔😔).

JUST THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING IN SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT TO MAKE AN AMAZING STORY!!!! I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE NEXT UPDATE AND SEE THE TRUE HORRORS YOUR WONDERFUL BRAIN MADE!!!!! <33333

Y’all are so sweet!

This moon was Snowspeckle’s moon 1000%. I’m trying to give each member a lil more fleshing out since the main focus has been on Wolf a lot lately. I wanted to show her conflict with the idea of pregnancy and giving birth again with Bluemoon being a subtle showoff. Also I threw in Sunpaw bc I feel like I don’t stress this enough, but Snow wouldn’t have been made deputy in any other clan. Artisans and mediators are almost never deputies or leaders. When she first joined Saltclan she wasn’t a good fighter or a strong hunter, but she improved to help her clan. She worked even harder after being made deputy to prove she can do both roles. She deaerves all the flowers for her growth.

Mallow’s scene I kinda threw in last minute, but I felt his nervousness should’ve been addressed sooner. Also in my own life I was feeling a lot of anxiety, so writing the scene was easy. I wanted to incorporate how the clan would treat mental health, Saltclan of course being very accommodating. I also just like throwing in herbs (that are cat safe) and flexing some medical knowledge lol

As for The Horrors, I’m genuinely so surprised and happy that y’all liked it. I’m relying on a lot of ‘fear of the unknown’ with the clan and trying not to drop too much info at once. Lostclaw’s backstory was already written and completed before moon 10 btw. I wouldn’t consider myself a horror expert but I do pull from thriller literature. I like most books by Steve Cavanagh and Gillian Flynn, and I love BuzzFeed Unsolved/Ghost Files on YouTube. The only true horror book I own (and like) is ‘We live inside you’ MAJOR trigger warnings on that book. It’s a great read but it’s intense, it’s a series of short stories and probably the most amount of gore I’ll tolerate in a book before I just put it down.

I’m so glad y’all liked moon 16, it took me a while bc work is very stressful and my fav coworker transferred to another clinic. But I still have the Longest Day Festival to post, I’m trying to get a lil snap shot of each cat’s feelings to the current situation.

[pokemonblack3white3]

Do you have any headcanons you’ve never talked about or would like to go into detail for? Or even ships or AUs or OCs for that matter? I love your ideas and I’m down for more of your convincing or just thoughts. I’m pretty bored so I’m willing to hear anything, just feel free to ramble

I keep on meaning to talk about Lacey and Elesa! I know I've rambled a bit about my thoughts on Elesa in the tags of one of my Myrtle posts, but I think how Elesa's two careers conflict with each other is really interesting. The fashion industry is incredibly predatory to children and especially young girls, while being a gym leader entails working with children. I think balancing that must be difficult for Elesa. With Lacey and her commitment to taking her own path and how preoccupied she is with her personal ideas of cuteness (two of her top picks are granbull and excadrill she doesn't seem overly concerned with conventional ideas of attractiveness), I think the two of them could be really good friends! A lot of this is in the context of the timeskip au and Lacey becoming the gym leader of Nimbasa, but honestly even outside that I've become really attached to these two.

I've been like preemptively prepping for the next rounds of the Pokemon villain tournament. I'm kind of at the point that I don't really care who wins as long as it isn't Giovanni but it has been making me think a lot about Lusamine. I think the way I talk about her may make it seem like I don't like her, but I adore her. Alola was fumbled a lot being a region based on post-colonialism Hawaiʻi that's a free nation, especially with how it plays into the stereotype of how much native people love sharing the land that was stolen from them with tourists, but I genuinely believe Lusamine and the UB plotline were the one saving grace of this. I'll have this worded better by the time I need to actually type of propaganda for her, but Lusamine is so certain that these pour lost souls that were literally just minding their own business need her guidance and love, tearing them from their homes and into an unfamiliar land to satisfy her own ego. On the flipside, Alola is now being invaded by a bunch of unfamiliar, incomprehensible pokemon that are destroying their islands because some white woman thought she knew better. Lusamine literally made a fucked up dog in the image of God to help her hunt ultra beasts. You all get the idea, right. Protestant-coded ass woman. Anyways, Lusamine or Volo deserve to win this tournament and if Giovanni makes it one round further I'm going to rip him apart with my teeth.

I've been thinking about the self-aware Kieran au through a Deltarune lens again, and especially what that means for the player character. There are instances, especially in recent games like PLA and ScarVi, where the protagonist has some story moments where they actually do stuff (mostly seen in cutscenes, like picking up Ogerpon's mask or sending Mirai/Koraidon to save Kieran, but also instances like how even if the player doesn't want to the protagonist will be feeding their godamn bike a sandwhich) and react to the world around them. I talked about this a while ago to complain about the characteristion of the protag in the ScarVi DLCs, but the idea of there being some tiny sembalance of a person behind the player avatar does legitimately mess me up for this au. The one person who believes Kieran and understands what he's going through is possessed by the thing haunting them. The reason your only option is to lie to Kieran is because the protag wants as little people getting tangled in this mess as possible. One of their only instances of legitimate free will is to save Kieran's life. Fucked up!

I desperately want to make another au where I put Kieran in a situation but I'm kind of dry on ideas right now, or at least good ones. In the meantime I've still been pondering Lucy in the Blast to the Past au. She takes care of most of Carmine and Kieran's pokemon now at the Battle Facility. Girl lost Anabel due to wormhole bullshit and then her daughter after years of low contact. I'm kind of considering the idea that Terapagos can actually just take Kieran back and forth in time so Lucy gets a good five minutes of trying to murder Briar before Kieran pops back into the present and goes "hey so Carmine and the rest of my old classmates are alive in the past but I need help because I can't convince them to come back with me" and Lucy is hearing none of it since she's crying her eyes out because that stupid turtle didn't vaporize another one of her kids. Can she please catch a break.

[rooksamoris]

I just read your thoughts about Scarabia and Leona's arc development in game, and I got very interested.

There's very little info on Arabian culture online, at least that I've seen, and also African. A thing that makes me very curious is about their mythologies, folklore, and also music. We know a lot about food, since it's something so universal, but the rest is hard to get info on, unless it gets popularized or romanticized by someone else.

The scarabia arc is one of my favorites for a reason, and that is because I'm very sympathetic with Jamil, and very sad how his and Kalim's story together got so "twisted" so fast (ehe). Honestly there are so many layers to it that it would take many many chapters, and events, to close the situation. But I think it's good they left the future open like that, since it's something that can't be fixed overnight.

And also, *gets down* PLS PLS PLS PLS 🙏 I love the fluffy fics, are you going to also add Bolllywood songs? They are so good seriously it's so dancing and fun! I love Jamil so much and I MELTED with the headcanon short fic where we are taking care of him. I wanna hold his precious handsome face and just kiss it all over! He is so cute I will go FERAL-

hey qamar 💕 this was a pleasure to read! honestly, i feel like both the scarabia and savannaclaw chapters were too short? of course, we were introduced to the themes and then the whole conflict—resolution mountain for stories, however i just feel like they could have done more with the both of them.

also, i think the reason why the southwest-asian and african themes aren’t covered is because the source material is literally disney films 💀 like we get a warning before rewatching aladdin since they just now realized it was kind of racist (still a major part of my childhood though 😭 “a whole new world” in arabic is delicious). based on how yana has written other characters that are meant to be from south asia, there’s a big chance it would have been disappointing anyways.

plus, with scarabia in particular, there’s too many cultures trying to be represented due to how colonizers deemed all of the countries to be the same thing in different fonts 💀 you’d never confuse a nepali with an omani, but winston churchill sure did not care.

the original aladdin movie was meant to take place in baghdad, a city in iraq, but due to political conflicts at the time (george bush a war criminal regardless of saddam hussein’s crimes. the usa literally gave saddam weapons to kill kurds and then turned around and invaded when he wasn’t convenient anymore 💀). baghdad became agrabah—but the culture is still an amalgamation of west asian, south asian, north african, and like eurasian/turkish culture. im sure they’ve got stuff from central asia too 😭

the issue with this is that from ethnic group to ethnic group/country to country, the culture varies a lot. yemenis and palestinians are both arabs, but our cultures are vastly different, with yemenis having more eastern african influences and palestinians having mediterranean influences. i personally headcanon the scarabia duo as arab, but honestly, they could be from anywhere. for all we know, kalim is afghan and jamil is tunisian—it’s all up in the air due to the original source material. but i digress!! i rambled a lot 😭

ON THE BOLLYWOOD NOTE! omg this brought so many good memories back. we used to watch bollywood films with shitty arabic dubs 🥹 i miss those days. i love that idea and ive always wanted to write bollywood inspired fics, like based on the crazy and unrealistic romantic moments in bollywood. it’s just so much fun lmao. honestly, i think that’s a great idea especially when so many bollywood songs just lead the listener through a story anyways. im so glad you enjoy my fics!!! that’s very sweet 💕 have a great day, qamar, and take care of yourself

[genderisareligion]

I haven't explained why I've decided to be Homestuck's Alt Calliope on this blog but if we're mutuals on @genderisstillareligion (and if you were with its predecessor) you've probably seen me rotate between like the same five trolls and one of the Strilalondes for years now lol and I just wanna clarify to new people that I'm technically an ex fan since I haven't touched HS2 since 2021 and won't until "they finish it" and don't hang out on the Reddit anymore as of that year too and as of mostly finishing my Act 1 & 2 pilot script to potentially send to Andrew one day if anyone is ever insane enough to fund the infamous Homestuck anime after a good amount of the subreddit said don't bother writing this but not for very good reasons (listen, I was a Healthcare worker during COVID thus suffered a gradual mental breakdown that began with me rereading almost the entire comic again page by page during "lockdown" lol I'm mostly recovered now but won't ever be entirely)

I was extremely touched by the Wicked film and Cynthia's performance and the power that is Black Elpheba despite having mixed feelings about Ariana (the racebaiting is a lot and she's too rich but as she's the most well known Nickelodeon child star victim I have huge empathy for her and can separate appreciation for her voice from whoever she is) because I no longer remember my previous obsession with Wicked during childhood due to amnesia from DID; can't remember the exact year it toured in my city when Idina and Kristen first debuted but I was old enough that I should remember why I was so upset that "the third section of the book wasn't in the show" (no idea if this is true just what I remember lol past me is so pretentious and has no idea how privileged she was to even be able to see the show 😭) and if it's not obvious

This green vaguely "female" alien from Homestuck is heavily inspired by Elpheba

Calliope like every Homestuck character has multiple versions of herself due to the nature of the setting (a reality altering video game where after you lose a life your past self doesn't pixilate in the nothing it sticks around and might fuck with you) but her multiself situation is probably the weirdest because when this alien species is young there are two distinct "personalities" "minds" "souls" what have you who trade turns being awake/using the body until maturation when one will usurp the other

With the help of psychotherapy and an app called Pluralkit I've determined I have 10 to 20 alters at the moment as far as I know but I was unaware of the count for most of my life because one "personality" of the "highest order" (a more intelligent network in my brain) "hid" this from me by adapting creative writing as a hobby and making me think that my hypergraphia (a legit neurological disorder I just learned about) was "normal"

Who I've presented out in the world and who I've been in my inner life have not always been opposites per se because that would imply a bipolar rather than a multipolar spectrum that I can exist on, but they pretty much don't ever fully agree and sometimes don't exist in each other's worlds, I've often found myself "holding conflicting opinions" and "wanting to summarize everything and explore all sides" and still wanting "world peace" like the twenty year old sorority pageant girl I was once

It hit me like a ton of bricks when I reread the Epilogues in 2023 (I bought the hardcover leave me alone I'm a grandma fan and completely avoiding the tumblr fandom has vastly improved the experience lol) that as much as I always think that I'm just some amalgamation of the Strilalondes in one body, I'm actually very much Alt Calliope as I enter my 30s

Towards the end of Calliope's story she finds an indeterminably old version of herself who unlike our Calliope won the fight for dominance at maturation rather than the other "personality" Caliborn, which our Calliope always thought was what she needed to do to win the video game and save everything real potentially being killed by it. Turns out not and the dominant Alt Calliope lost to the death (there's only one win condition and no one knows what it is it's all trial and error) and has been wandering alone in the waste of her trial for thousands of years, knowing that her only hope is the chance of a better reroll in some inconceivablely far future

But being dead isn't even a little bit of a hindrance once the new Calliope finds the old Calliope and the save condition is met, because she retained all her powers and is basically the reason all the surviving main characters now have a victory planet to do sequels on, a victory planet she can't take part in but can only narrate the events of

I don't think I have to spell out the radical feminist metaphor. If you know you know lol