#Life list 2018

[misstwisted]

I edited the gayest Ethan hawke scene I’ve ever watched

they were like two lovers reuniting

[lunar-years]

Not to sound batshit crazy but I graduated college in December 2018 at age 21 which immediately led into a year and a half of the deepest darkest depression I’ve ever experienced as I was separated from ALL of my closest friends (who were still finishing school across wildly different states) and moved back home as I was still struggling to figure out what to do with my life and eventually working a terrible but demanding retail, used bookstore job for $13/hr (worst experience of my life tbh) WHILST holding a double bachelors degree to Covid hitting in 2020 and being furloughed from said job and living off unemployment checks while still miserable and not seeing my extended family, to my Grandma (the most amazing woman ever ever rip) dying of cancer in Nov 2021 to my mom being diagnosed with rare stage 4 bile duct cancer in March 2022 to being one of her main caretakers for the last two years to now all of a sudden being 27 going on 28 still living at home caring for my dying mom in hospice and fearing I’ve wasted my youth and I just…. First of all I’m very proud of myself, in all honesty, for making it this far, because a couple times I didn’t think I was going to…and at the same time I feel like I’ve lost the entirety of my 20s to quarantine and shitty jobs and not making a living wage and grieving all the people I’m closest to which is. Really fucking shit!! Idk. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Life sucks and it’s also beautiful. I’m grateful to be able to log on to this stupid site and find a community of people who care about all the goofy things I care about. Love 2 u all.

[dawntainbobbynash]

BOBBY'S BROTHER IS FINALLY HERE

HIS NAME IS TIM!!!

[cielpansyhive]

Cielpansyhive multichapter WIP list!

All of these are in various stages. Some fics are completely plotted, hence the chapter count, some chapters are to be decided still. Others are mostly figured out, a few are vague ideas. A handful of them already have a chapter mostly written that just hasn't been posted yet. I'm including works I have posted on AO3 but haven't finished in this list. I've been busy the past few years, I just haven't been posting or talking about my works. I'd love to answer questions about any of these, without spoiling anything of course.

Kuroshitsuji:

Revamp – Heavy LGBTQ+ characters and themes, modern setting. Sebastian rents out a room in Ciel’s house. After much flirting and interests are made aware, Ciel will have to admit to Sebastian he’s a trans man that has been living in stealth. Sebastian was never able to explore his identity freely. Both have old trauma they must navigate as well as society and family’s expectations. Friends to lovers sebaciel. Found family and discovery of identity. Drag queens galore! Background Alois/Lizzie, Grell/Madam Red, Agni/Soma. Slice of life, smut, sex positivity, mental health, trauma, angst with happy ending. (20 chapters) Currently under revision as this was my first fic!

Skilamalink – Crimson Peak AU, early 1900’s. Two brothers and their mysterious butler must find a way to get their hands on a small fortune. Their inheritance is sinking into the red clay. Ciel Phantomhive searches for a new bride in hopes of marrying into wealth. Tragedy follows the Phantomhives like a dark shadow. Astre Phantomhive is deathly ill and in need of treatment. While he knows there are sinister things that go on behind the scenes, in his wildest dreams he could never imagine what is being kept from him. When Elizabeth Midford comes into the picture secrets begin to unfold. Horror, whump, mystery, murder, ghosts, dark fic, smut, romance, multiple ships, implied incest, satisfying ending. (6 chapters)

Freakshow – 1930’s circus AU, The Great Depression era, prohibition. Sebastian has searched the city only to have every door slammed in his face. Reluctantly he turns to the only place he hasn't tried, the circus. The last thing he wants to be viewed as is a freak, but he doesn't blend in society very well with Marfan syndrome. Circus owner William T. Spears is falling apart at the seams. His circus is failing, though he'd never admit it to anyone. Too many people depend on him, namely his twin sons, Ciel and Astre. Ciel is the star of the show, the biggest and brightest. His acts include knife throwing, magic, and good old fashion card tricks, made even more impressive by his blindness. Even with the crowds dwindling, he's not ready to move out from center stage. Especially not for the rookie new act. Astre is bored to death. The circus has been the same for years. Same people, same acts, same crippling anxiety that keeps him from performing. People try to make the circus seem spectacular, but to Astre it's just dull, everyday life. Astre has a difficult time making friends due to his inability to speak. Heavy angst, some dark themes, slow burn, past Snake/Astre. (Chapters TBD)

Rumors – Famous AU. Modern setting. A model and a rockstar couple, how original. Sebastian and his band are at the top of their game. Everyone wants to interview them, the paparazzi won’t leave them alone, and rumors fly in an instant. Ciel’s a well-known heir and model, finally making his first semi-public appearance since he was held for ransom. People want his story, at least what they can’t already see. Ciel is never without his eyepatch and gloves, he refuses to talk about that day. He attempts to move forward with his modeling career. Ciel hasn’t been laid in years, of course he won’t turn down the handsome rock star that approaches him at a party. For Sebastian it’s been…a few days. Sebastian has never had a serious relationship, but Ciel interests him. Sebastian invites Ciel to join them on their mini tour. Ciel would have to leave behind the security of his home and his own personal bodyguard for the first time in years. It’s all sex (a lot of sex), drugs, and rock n roll. Sebastian and Ciel try to navigate a relationship they must hide. Both are on the edge of self-destruction. Angst, intense themes, trauma, drug use, self-harm, eating disorders, mostly hurt/barely comfort, betrayal, lots of smut, hopeful ending. (9 chapters)

Bloody Bastian – American Mary AU. Modern setting. Sebastian is a surgical student getting ready to start his residency. Med school isn’t cheap, financial aid didn’t even cover books and materials and his bills were piling up. It was difficult to locate a job that would work with his schedule. He finds an ad that a local strip club has posted. They state women or men can apply, it’s worth a shot. Sebastian enters the club. It looks clean enough, not just a hole in the wall that won’t pay minimum wage. The owner, Bard, takes an interest in Sebastian even though he seems overly qualified. Sebastian’s schooling comes in handy as he becomes involved with illegal surgeries that pay fast cash. He remembers his vow to, “do no harm,” but when do the lines blur? His world becomes tangled in revenge and body modifications. Bard pines over Sebastian and will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Detective Ciel Phantomhive is investigating the disappearance of Sebastian’s previous professor. How long before the pressure causes Sebastian to crack? Dark fic, graphic content, angst, murder, non-con, trauma, slight Sebard and Sebaciel. Vague/open ending. (7 chapters)

Razor’s Edge – Black Swan AU. Modern setting. Ciel has finally landed the role as the Swan Queen. Sebastian, an award-winning dancer from England is to be Prince Siegfried. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing bonds two people in a blooming romance like covering up a murder. Stress is high on the duo as it is. A shadow from the past seems to follow Ciel. Sebastian may have signed himself up to be Ciel’s unofficial bodyguard as threats rise. Dark fic, open ended ending. (7 chapters)

In the Woods Somewhere – College AU with Bird!Bastian. Modern setting. Ciel Phantomhive has been murdered…or at least he would have been if he didn’t make a deal with a strange man from the forest. The man who becomes known as Sebastian finds himself trapped on the surface level. The fine print of Ciel’s contract has bound him for the entire ten years. Ciel is a sickly human that could benefit from someone like Sebastian, if he’s willing to be his student. Ciel is missing half a year’s worth of his memory and can’t recall who tried to murder him or why. Sebastian follows Ciel around campus and attempts to help solve his murder. Between classes Sebastian teaches Ciel a little magic. They visit the woods often for Sebastian to stretch his wings and Ciel to take nature photos. Ciel would have never guessed he’d fall for this strange, bird demon or that it would be reciprocated. Mystery, humor, magic, hurt/comfort, whump (Chapters TBD)

Break Your Halo – Angel/demon AU. Modern setting. After a church collapses three survivors are sent to the hospital. Two civilians are unconscious and in critical condition while the priest is awake. He demands to know if the basement is still intact because “it” must not be let out. Both civilians begin to heal impossibly fast and without their memory. They go by Ciel and Sebastian. They are put in a semi-private room and become friends. They start noticing some odd things and confide in one another. The doctors would think they’re crazy, they already think there’s something wrong with them. They were both at death’s door and overnight they’ve healed as if they’ve been there for months. Maybe they aren’t human, they need answers. Whump, smut (5 chapters)

Nymph – Canon divergent AU.Ciel sleeps with everyone except Sebastian and Sebastian is not having it, that’s it, that’s the fic. Adult Ciel being hit with all the urges he missed in his teens. Every chapter starts out with a frustrated Sebastian complaining in his journal. Yes, a demon keeping a journal is cracky. Some humor, but mostly smut. Ciel/Finny, Ciel/Bard, Ciel/Mey-Rin, Ciel/Soma/Agni, Ciel/Snake, Ciel/Undertaker, Ciel/Charles Grey, Ciel/Nina (8 chapters)

Phantom – Phantom of the Opera AU. Set in 1880s France. Sebastian finally debuts as the star the “angel” trained him to be. He has devoted his life to music and the voice he’d talk to in the dead of night. Sebastian is pleasantly surprised to find out his childhood love, Bard, is one of the opera house’s biggest patrons. Their reunion doesn’t go unnoticed. Sebastian is visited by his angel of music, and he is much more flesh and blood and possessive than Sebastian imagined. Soma is not taking being knocked down a peg well. The audience comes to see him and his darling Agni, not Sebastian. Soma won’t play nice, but what does he do when he’s faced with the man behind the mirror? This opera ghost won’t go without a fight. Bard desperately wants to free Sebastian, yet Sebastian doesn’t want to be freed. Angst, smut, dark elements. Sebaciel and Sebard. Background Soma/Agni. (Chapters TBD)

Slice of the Scalpel – Nip/tuck AU. Modern setting. Brothers Sebastian and Claude run a plastic surgery practice. They have very different ideas of beauty, which helps build their clientele. Sebastian prefers to enhance natural beauty and balance what is already there. Claude prefers to alter and exaggerate things beyond clients’ wildest dreams. Receptionist and Sebastian’s boyfriend, Ciel, is eager to start his schooling to be an anesthetist. Angst, drama, smut, humor. (Chapters TBD)

I Like U for Your Brainz – izombie AU. Modern setting. A newly turned zombie, Sebastian, is a medical examiner working under Ciel’s leadership. Together they try to find a cure for zombies as well as solve murder cases with detective William T. Spears. Sebastian had to leave his old life behind him, give up his dream of being a surgeon, his fiancé Bard, even his sister he keeps at a distance. His extremely extroverted roommate, Soma, must work even harder to cheer him up. Sebastian would give anything to be human again or at least to have someone besides his boss to talk to about being a zombie. He couldn’t be the only one out there, right? Turns out there’s someone that’s making more zombies in the hopes of getting rich and another that is plain ignorant to the problem. Angst, humor, smut, gore, happy ending. Past Seb/Bard, Seb/Agni, Ciel/Soma, Seb/Ciel, Seb/Violet, Ciel/Violet, Agni/Soma, Bard/R!Ciel, Bard/Finny (Chapters TBD)

Star Boy – Actor AU. Modern setting. Actors Ciel and Sebastian are the celebrity couple everyone’s talking about. They are known for co-staring in action movies, their chemistry was unmatched even before they started dating. Their latest film calls for more stunts, more explosions and effects, it’s over the top. Like many actors, Ciel has a stunt double, Alois. Sebastian does as well, Claude. Alois loves performing stunts and he gets along well with Ciel. He gets his own limelight doing extreme sports off set. Claude isn’t as happy with the arrangement. Sebastian gets all the fans and praise, yet Claude is the one doing the hard work. Worst of all, Sebastian gets Ciel. Sebastian doesn’t deserve the life he has, Claude is sure of that. Angst, whump, crime, dark fic. (Chapters TBD)

Another Life – Modern setting reincarnation AU. Sebastian works at an antique shop, one day Ciel comes in to shop around, looking for something “old” to gift his cousin for her wedding day. Sebastian knows he’s never seen him in the shop before, yet he seems so familiar. Oddly enough Ciel is drawn back to visit Sebastian week after week, he is compelled to. There’s a tug on the red string of fate and neither can ignore it. (Chapters TBD)

A New Heart for Christmas – Modern setting. Ciel needs a heart transplant. It’s been years and he’s finally next on the list. He’s tired of keeping batteries charged for his artificial heart and worrying about people thinking he’s dead if he passes out and doesn’t have a pulse. The twins decide to do their annual birthday outing early this year, seeing as Ciel might be recovering still on their actual birthday. His new heart comes much sooner than he anticipated and with challenges he never imagined. Whump, sad, somewhat body horror?, angst. (3 chapters)

Nightshift – Modern setting. Five Nights at Freddy’s AU. Sebastian and Ciel have been hired as night security guards to a “new” pizza joint. Sebastian only moved to the town for college, but Ciel had lived there his whole life. He knew the establishment well. How dare they reopen after what they did to him and his family. Ciel searches for answers to what happened. He knows his brother had to be murdered, he wasn’t just abducted. Sebastian helps him investigate as the restaurant comes to life. With so much dark history it’s no wonder something lingers in the background. Time is running out as opening day nears. Horror, no smut, dark themes, happy ending. (6 chapters)

Free Love – Raver AU. Modern setting. Just a big party, not a lot of plot. A bunch of smut and ships. If house music was a fanfic, this is what you’d get. Seb/Ciel(/Bard), Ciel/Alois, Ciel/Soma, Ciel/Finny, Ciel/Violet, Ciel/Snake, Ciel/Sieglinde, Ciel/Agni, Seb/Agni, Seb/Violet, Violet/Alois, Finny/Snake, Lizzie/Sieglinde, Agni/Soma(/Snake), Violet/Snake/Sieglinde (Chapters TBD)

Phantom Occult – Supernatural AU/paranormal investigators, modern setting, on indefinite hiatus. The Phantomhives have been on the road most of their lives, taking out all the nasties that go bump in the night. Vincent and his twin sons have teamed up with a half demon named Sebastian and a witch, Sieglinde. Sebastian has very little memory of his past. He was found by Vincent and Cedric (Undertaker) on one of their hunts. In search of answers, Sebastian is trying to track down his demonic father. Sebastian has proven his loyalty to the Phantomhives time and time again. He will, as Vincent’s last request, ‘look after his boys.’ Following in their father and grandfather’s footsteps the twins take on cases involving the supernatural. Vincent Jr. has his work cut out for him with Ciel’s fragile health and Sebastian’s ever changing and out of control abilities. They may need to seek out a higher being to help them and save the world from damnation. (Chapters TBD)

Phoenix – A/b/o dynamics, FBI agent AU. Modern setting. Partners Ciel and Sebastian are given a case that has similarities to Ciel’s own capture from his childhood. It puts Ciel on edge, but he’s determined to solve it. Sebastian is not the playboy alpha everyone assumes he is, he’s in fact an omega. He’s been having horrible side effects from being on suppressants since his teens. He’s never even had a heat. For his own safety his doctor forces him off suppressants for at least a year. Ciel is hurt and confused to find out his partner for the last ten years lied to him about his dynamic. It’s not long before Sebastian is hit with his first heat. What is Ciel to do? Angst, smut (5 chapters)

Thought Contagion – Cyborg sci-fi AU. Future setting. Sebastian wakes up in the storage section of a lab. Half of his body has been transformed, he’s now a cyborg. He breaks through the facility and finds Ciel in the process of his brain being programed. Sebastian rescues him and they flee the factory. On the outside they discover the horrors of their government and what is being done to the citizens. They befriend rebels and try to take back control. (Chapters TBD)

T’hy’la – Star Trek AU. Future setting. Sci-fi. Captain Ciel Phantomhive and his half Vulcan second-in-command, Sebastian, explore space with their small crew. Slow burn sebaciel. (Chapters TBD)

Aquamarine – Merman Ciel AU. Modern setting. Sebastian whump, Ciel takes care of him. Crime, magic, and smut. (4 chapters)

Voltron:

Atlas Ocean Rescue – Merman Shiro AU. Modern setting. Keith works as a marine life vet at a rehabilitation clinic. He saves merman Shiro and develops a crush on him. Cute friendships, humor, healing, growth, a dash of smut and gore/whump. Slight angst with happy ending. (9 chapters)

Empire – Royalty AU. Set on Altea, not Earth. Shklance with trans Lance and cis Keith. Love triangles, magic, betrayals, war, planets coming together, and a healthy dose of smut. Ends with a wedding. (8 chapters)

Affinity – Modern setting. Shiro hasn’t adjusted well since his new diagnosis, so he joins a support group recommended by his doctor. Keith has been going to group reluctantly for years. His seizures are somewhat under control. He has the company of his service dog, Kosmo, but he’s otherwise alone. Both of their lives are turning out far different than they ever envisioned. Will they give love a chance? Slow burn. Cis Keith. (9 chapters)

The Eighth House – Modern setting. Werewolf Shiro and vampire Keith AU. Shiro is a newly turned werewolf and Keith volunteers to help him. Keith was turned into a vampire in the 80’s. Keith’s best friend, Lance, is also a vampire. They hang out at a supernatural bar that’s run by ex-hunters. Lots of blood and some smut. (8 chapters)

Zombie – Zombie apocalypse AU. Modern setting. After Shiro is labeled as a burden, him and Keith are kicked out from their community. Keith must take care of Shiro and find a new shelter or community for them to join. They find one run by a sadistic creep that was a cult leader pre-apocalypse. It’s not ideal, but where else can they turn? Keith plots to overthrow the tyrant as soon as he can, for everyone’s sake. Angst, whump, gore, smut, dark elements, happy ending. (5 chapters)

As Many Times as It Takes – Canon divergent AU. Keith goes feral and must be confined for everyone’s safety. The team works to find an antidote for Keith. Shiro tries to get his husband to remember their life together as well as remind him how to be human. Hurt/comfort. (3 chapters.)

Euphoria – A/b/o AU. Modern setting. Keith Is a hopeless afab alpha that seems to want the impossible. He’s not attracted to the stereotypical omega and his last relationship with another alpha left him with literal scars. He decides to try out a match service that’s prided itself on hard to match cases. Shiro is tired of being rejected and his body is telling him he desperately needs a mate. It doesn’t matter that he is no longer fertile, his omega body didn’t get the memo. With irregular and intense heats, infertility, being a large omega, and a list of ‘flaws’ a mile long Shiro has been the one unmatched client the service can’t seem to help. Owners Allura and Lance have become family to him and are personally invested in finding a mate for him. Keith and Shiro could be perfect for each other if only they allow themselves to be happy. (6 chapters.)

Club Atlas – Scent club a/b/o AU. Modern setting. A new alpha, Shiro, arrives at a scent club under recommendation by his therapist. Following a serious accident Shiro lost his sense of smell. When it eventually came back everything was overwhelming. He could barely handle his own scent and couldn’t leave his house. His anxiety and trauma have caused his life to spiral out of his control. A scent club is the perfect place to go to for exposure therapy. Omega scents are naturally calming to an alpha, booths are well sealed and private, and clubs take care to thoroughly remove scents of previous clients between rounds. Shiro meets Lance and Keith, two of the omegas that work at the club. They interview him and add him to their client list. Lance is always enthusiastic about his job, he loves it. Keith on the other hand isn’t too fond of the job or being an omega. But there’s something about this client that he likes. Maybe he can make a real difference in someone’s life. Angst, a lot of smut, brief klance. (5 chapters.)

Compliance – Kidnapped AU. Modern setting. Shiro is held captive by his long-lost twin brother Ryou. After going into the adoption system as infants, they were split up. Shiro wasn’t aware he had a twin until he was staring him in the face. Apparently, Ryou had been keeping tabs on him from afar for over a year. He happened to access Shiro’s patient file and felt he could do a better job taking care of Shiro than his current doctors were. Ryou only wants the best for his brother and that means he can’t leave his sight. Still, he does have to work, and being confined he knows Shiro is bound to get lonely. Ryou decides he should get a boyfriend for Shiro, and he found the perfect one. Keith has been recently released from the psych ward. He had no family or friends. He was fired from his job and probably couldn’t even pay for his hospital bill or antidepressants he clearly needed. They could keep each other company. Their living quarters would be cozy, the basement wasn’t tiny by any means…but two people trapped on the same floor, they’d have to share. Ryou wasn’t a monster, the basement was nicer than any apartment that either could afford. The chains were temporary, an exercise of trust if you will. They’ve had yet to earn his. Dark fic OBVIOUSLY (Chapters TBD)

Strength in Gentleness – Shiatsu massage therapist & Reiki master Shiro/autistic Keith. Modern setting. Keith often hangs out at his mom’s work. Recently her and Kolivan’s business has moved location and joined with Allura’s salon. They also hired a new bodyworker that Keith develops a crush on. Fluffy, slice of life, hurt/comfort, humor. Music heavy, I kid you not, every chapter will have a playlist. Lots of cute Krolia and Keith moments. Giving all “The Blades” a happy lifetime. Probably the fluffiest thing I’ll ever write. It won’t be 100% free of trauma, but Shiro has healed and Keith and Krolia have processed their grief. Anxiety and meltdowns can get a bit intense. (Chapters TBD)

The Ring – Boxer Shiro/body worker-therapist Keith. Modern setting. Cute and smutty. Slight whump cause boxing injuries. (Chapters TBD)

Galaxy University – College AU, teacher Shiro/student Keith. Modern setting. Angst. (Chapters TBD)

Vanitas no carte:

I Trust you to Kill Me – Canon divergent AU. Vanitas turns into a vampire. All he knows is his craving for blood has taken over his life. He’s not a curse bearer but he fears he might as well be. Worse yet, he can no longer assist Jeanne, he tries to obtain a solution that works for them both. Noé confesses his feelings and tries to keep Vanitas alive. Angst, whump, smut, romance. Vanoe, possible vanijeanne (Chapters TBD)

[thefloatingstone]

I learned about Doji Morita today

[redwinesupernovadyke]

So in recent personal developments I've realized that I have like clinical levels of anxiety lmao

[prince--kiriona]

.

[gayseyjones]

mutual 1: I can't believe I work for amazon

mutual 2: FUCKKK I need her so BADDDDD oh my GODDDDD 😭😭😭 [image of a used automatic 2018 chevrolet colorado work truck 4x4 4dr extended cab 6 ft. lb I4 2.5L natural aspiration gasoline]

mutual 3: and THATS my alphabetical list of comic book writers I'd assassinate by shooting squad. Now for the authors I'd send to the red room,

mutual 4: if deco*27 releases another vocaloid song im killing myself

mutual 5: honestly it's kind of gut wrenching that I'll never be friends with sonic the hedgehog in real life

[throwbacktears]

watching my concert videos back 🥰 cant believe i saw valley, taylor, and 5sos this year 😵‍💫🥹

[nuadaargetlamh]

One is a convicted criminal that wants to:

Institute a dictatorship “on day one only” (with majority support from his party!)

Give a greenlight to Project 2025

Use a weakened Schedule F to install THOUSANDS of cronies

Institute military tribunals for his political enemies (and allies!)

Gun down “enemies from within”

Support Russia in wiping Ukraine off the map

Use the combo of the removal of the Chevron deference/the Supreme Court allowing people to openly bribe them/Schedule F to extend the far-right’s reach into every government agency and deregulate everything to the benefit of his rich capitalist buddies

Has gotten total immunity for “official acts” (what counts as “official”? Whatever his Schedule F appointed judges choose of course.)

Already took away so many freedoms from racial minorities/queer people/women/anyone-that-isn’t-a-rich-white-man that it would take ages to list them all in this post

and so so so so SO MUCH MORE.

The other is a typical neoliberal politician.

Remember also, you’re not just choosing a president, you’re choosing their cabinet, potential Supreme Court justices, federal employees as well. With the above listed ALONE, Trump would do so much more damage than just what he can do himself. That’s not including everything else his Federalist Society Supreme Court would and have given him on a silver platter. Supreme Court Justices are for LIFE, and we’ve already seen the potentially irreparable damage this far-right activist court has done to the fabric of democracy.

Project 2025 really deserves a part to itself just to list some of what it includes: complete abortion/contraceptive ban (no exceptions), destroying worker’s unions and protections, remove Social Security/Medicare/Affordable Care Act, end civil rights protections in government, ban teaching the history of slavery, remove climate protections while gutting the EPA, end equal marriage and enforce the “traditional family ideal”, use the military to gun down protests, mass deportation of legal immigrants (especially Muslims), ending birthright citizenship, pack the lower courts, and plenty more. The far-right wasn’t able to take full advantage of Trump’s presidency the first time since it was so unexpected. They’re preparing so that they won’t make the same mistake again. THERE ARE OVER 900 PAGES OF POLICIES AND PLANS THAT THEY ABSOLUTELY WILL IMPLEMENT IF THEY WIN. READ IT. Anyone that says they won’t is either a liar or already drank the Kool-Aid. Isn’t it interesting that every politician that supports it, including his vice president, wants Trump to win?

Not to mention, if you care about Palestine (like I do, a lot), Trump would be MUCH WORSE for Palestine than the other candidate, supporting Bibi going “from the river to the sea” and already cut off millions in aid to Palestine in 2018 (which Dems reversed!). If you support a free Palestine and don’t vote blue, you have categorically hurt them more than if you did. Even Palestinians themselves want the Democrat candidate over Trump. There is no quick and bloodless peace deal that both Palestine and Israel would ever agree to. The road to an end of the Palestine-Israel conflict is going to be long and difficult, probably decades of dedicated de-radicalization in both states, and will involve far more than one person’s decisions in the end. Unless Trump takes power, and avoids all that by sending enough bombs to turn the Gaza Strip into dust.

There are a few reasons you would choose to vote third party in a FPTP system (support ranked choice voting btw) or not vote “in protest” while ignoring all the state and local elections that affect your area more than the president. Either you’re privileged enough to not be affected by what Trump would bring, you’re ignorant of the consequences, or you care more about doing nothing perfectly rather than doing something, anything that isn’t 100% ideologically “pure” to fight against the far-right fascist movement.

Am I a democratic socialist? Yes. Am I a realist? Also yes. In every single down-ballot race, and through my activism, I will fight for the rights of the oppressed and working-class. But the Presidency isn’t fucking winnable right now, and probably won’t be for decades. Pro-corporatist/anti-worker sentiment is baked into the fucking bones of this country and its people. A majority of eligible voters wouldn’t vote for Bernie, and he’s barely center-left. Voting for anything other than one of the two big parties is a useless feel-good gesture at the moment. Or you’re a dumbass accelerationist, and if you are, honestly go fuck yourself.

Let’s say you want a socialist revolution, full-tilt government takeover. I want that too, in my wildest dreams! We’re on the same page there. So how are you going to do it. How? HOW? What pro-worker activist groups are you working with? Are you encouraging your workplace to form a union? Volunteering for/donating to your local farmers’ co-op? Canvassing for pro-worker legislation? Hell, even something as small as distributing free copies of high-school/college textbooks, so that those of poorer means have a better chance at affording advanced education? Are you doing anything to help? Any praxis at all, rather than typing wishful thoughts of revolution alongside insults to people who aren’t as “correct” as you on the internet?

Every voter that still supports Trump is energized by every cruelty he enacts, while millions of Democrats and third-partyists care more about purity tests and manifesting socialist revolution tulpas than avoiding a fascist dictatorship.

Have a brain, touch grass, and vote blue all the way down that fucking ballot.

[eldesperadont]

throwback on the day of the Golden Lovers inring reunion: this drawing i made back in 2018 and posted on the day Kenny won the IWGP Heavyweight belt, at Dominion 6.9 with Ibushi in his corner

20gayteen y'all

[dcandmarvelimagines]

sweeter than you ever knew. (pt. 1)

Series: pt 1 pt 2 pt 3 pt 4 pt 5 Pairing: Wade Wilson x Logan Howlett x Fem!Reader Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6.8k Warnings: AFAB reader (uses she/her pronouns), 1st person POV, non-mutant Reader, some blood, Wade being too flirty for his own good, vaginal fingering, bathroom sex, dirty talking, the relationship with Logan is a "slow" burn in comparison. More smut to come, I swear. Author's note: Damn...it's been a while huh? My last comic related fic was in 2018, funny enough also because of a Deadpool movie. I was already sappy in a post before so I wont subject y'all to it. But this was intended to be a short little oneshot and has absolutely ballooned out of control. I'm thinking this will end up being five chapters. I will upload the second chapter concurrently with my ao3 upload, so if you prefer to read there, feel free! Also as a little aside: I am so unbelievably sorry that the reader's job working in outreach to help Al is barely described and is probably highly inaccurate. I was desperate not to get lost in the weeds of research on the subject. I needed something that would keep the reader out of the apartment most of the time and let the relationship grow differently, so neighbors was out of the question. If you work in community outreach (absolute angel), please just avert your eyes.

I used to think my life was boring. It was the same day in, day out. I never met anyone interesting or experienced new things. That changed when I knocked on an unassuming apartment door in a dingy building.

I worked in government outreach, providing assistance to elderly blind clients. I had been assigned to work with Althea Sanderson. Her file had listed her as combative and she didn’t disappoint. She absolutely hated my guts at first, grumbling about how she just needed her “disco dust” to keep going. She assured me that she had roommates and didn’t need me “thundering” around her small apartment. 

For nearly two weeks, I thought her mind had to have been slipping, because no one else would come from that apartment besides me. Imagine my shock when I walked into the place and found a hulking mass of a man, only in his boxers, in the kitchen. His brown hair, streaked with white, was wet after a shower and he was half heartedly rubbing at his shoulder with a towel covered in sparkly unicorns. “Who the hell are you?” He snapped, voice gruff. He glared at me like I had personally insulted him by my mere presence. My eyes darted all over him, the thick ropes of muscles in his arms, the harsh planes of abs, the thin sheen of dark hair on his chest, the trail disappearing into his boxers. The man yanked the fridge door open and snapped me from my drooling. 

I had barely stumbled my name out before Al, as she insisted I call her when she realized I wasn’t going anywhere, came around the corner, her hands guiding her along the wall. “Leave her alone Logan. She’s like herpes and I can’t get rid of her.” My lips pursed at the comparison. The man, Logan, huffed with either annoyance or laughter before padding away, beer clutched in his hand. For how big he was, I was shocked at how light on his feet he was. In comparison, I really did thunder around. 

“Oh! Do we have a new roomie!?” The voice trembled in excitement. Its owner bounded around the corner, clad only in low slung sweatpants, nearly tripping over the scraggly dog at his feet. I drew back, sucking in a sharp breath. The new man was no less tall than the other, but lean in comparison, with a wide chest and firm arms. But I was far more distracted by his skin. It was a mixture of mottled pink and white, looking more like swirled bacon fat than anything else. He was completely hairless but I saw the skin of his forehead rise. “Al, you didn’t say you had a hot granddaughter!” 

“Oh I’m not,” I said. While I was scheduled to be here for four hours, I was already contemplating how to escape the suddenly cramped apartment. 

“Does she look like she’s related to me dick for brains?” Al growled at him. The man shrugged, a megawatt smile plastered on his face as he picked up the dog and let it lick at his face. 

“She has the same wild sexual energy you do, my sweet black Betty White.” He walked closer, carelessly dropping the dog into Al’s lap just as she lowered herself into a creaky chair. The man theatrically bowed, snagging my hand to press a too wet kiss to my knuckles. His skin was unbelievably soft as it held mine, the grip light enough that I could pull away at any moment. “Wade Winston Wilson.” 

He was so close to me that I took a half step back. I gave him my name, just my first, and wriggled my hand free. “Um, I'm assuming your Al’s roommates?”

“Roommates is such a safe for work word, I prefer to be her personal pommel horse.” A laugh bubbles up before I can stop it. Wade grinned at the sound and shit, his face softened in such a charming way that I felt my defenses come down just a little. 

“I don’t think you understand what a pommel horse is.” 

“Isn’t it something you ride? Get all flexable on?” 

After that first awkward day, all four of us fell into an easy routine. Al seemed to warm to me more, though her sharp tongue never faltered. Wade was a vibrating ball of energy whenever I came over. He bounced around the kitchen as I made Al her coffee or insisted I sit with them to watch Golden Girls . I came to realize that only his right hand was so soft, the left was scratchy and blistered, which was something I refused to think about any deeper. Logan remained standoffish and reserved but he was there when I needed a break from Wade’s constant talking. I would occasionally find him sitting on the fire escape, smoking the cigar that seemed permanently stuck to his fingers. We often just sat in silence while Wade and Al argued about Ikea furniture. 

I had always found their schedule strange. They would disappear for days, sometimes weeks, at a time with no rhyme or reason. I had originally thought they might be businessmen but Logan’s quick temper and Wade’s obnoxious energy clashed with the idea. Wade often talked about going to exotic places and had brought me back a diamond that he swears up and down is not only real, but is also the tip of a woman’s finger. 

The day I found out their real profession had started horribly. The train line to Al’s apartment had broken, so I had to take a cab there. I was flustered, hungry, and in desperate need of caffeine when I trudged up the five flights of stairs to Al’s apartment, because, of course , her elevator had broken. It was customary for me to knock twice, allowing Al to respond before I used my key to come in. Today, my knocks were much shorter. “Good morning Al,” I called, slipping into the door before turning to close and lock it. I spun and nearly screamed. 

“Oh hey,” Wade said, leaning against the wall of the kitchen, a mug clutched in his hand. I was far more distracted by three massive claw marks across his chest, blood oozing down his stomach, staining his plaid underwear. 

“Oh my god! Wade!” My keys and purse clattered to the floor as I rushed to him, bracing my hands against his chest. “What happened?! Holy shit, oh fuck.” I was babbling now, distracted by how sticky and hot the blood was. But his chest rumbled under my shaking hands. I glanced up and saw a smile on his face as he failed to contain his laughter. “What are you fucking laughing at?! You’re dying here and you're laughing?!” 

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you swear. Miss good samaritan knows such nasty words.” I tried never to swear around patients but this was a worst fucking case scenario. 

“Oh fuck off! You’re dying and you're laughing ‘cause I said a bad word?!” That only seemed to make him laugh harder. 

“Calm down sweetheart,” came a rough voice behind me. Logan had started to call me that more often, but it always felt like he was insulting me with the word. It usually had a stinge of annoyance laced around it, now was no different. “He’s fine.” I peaked over my shoulder, hands still pressed against Wade’s firm chest, about to argue with the other man about how un fine Wade was. I nearly screamed again. A knife was embedded into Logan’s shoulder. There was blood everywhere . On his bare chest, his face, his hands and arms. 

“Logan!” I wanted to reach for him but couldn’t without leaving Wade to bleed out. 

“Now peanut,” Wade cooed and slid out from under my touch. “I told you, baby knife is just for the bedroom.” With that, Wade yanked the knife from Logan’s shoulder. The spurt of blood made my head woozy and I gripped the counter to hold myself steady. Logan barely reacted to the five inch blade being ripped from his skin, just a small grunt. 

“What’s going on?” My voice was thick with confusion. They had clearly been mauled and attacked in their own home, yet they walked around like nothing traumatizing had just happened.

“Target practice,” Wade said, using a kitchen towel to clean baby knife. Logan turned and dropped on the worn couch, the springs screeching in protest. 

“What?” I grabbed at his wrist before he could walk away. “Wade, please, I hope you understand how jarring that was. Now, please explain and cut all the punny bullshit out.” Wade pressed a dramatic hand to his chest like I had insulted him. 

“We’re mutants.” My eyebrows knitted together as I stalked toward the living room. Logan sat there, whiskey already in hand. He seemingly hid a bottle everywhere. Wade followed behind before collapsing on top of Logan. The older man snapped his jaws like an animal and a little snarl escaped his throat. Wade grinned, tugged at his hair, before going to the other end of the couch. 

“Mutants? Like the X-Men?” The scowl Logan shot me turned my blood to ice. Some of that shock must have shown on my face because Logan glanced away, taking a hefty swig of whiskey, and Wade tugged at my bloody pinky. 

“Ignore him, the X-men are a touchy subject for him, and never touchy in the fun way.” He scratched at his chest, some of the blood smudging. The skin was…

“You’re healed?” I knelt before the couch, hands feeling his chest. “Holy shit I thought you were going to bleed out.” It was impossible. The wounds were deep , I could have sworn I saw bone before. 

“God I’ve thought about you kneeling there for so long.” Logan’s fist cracked into Wade’s arm. My hands flinched away and I quickly stood. “Hurtful peanut. You know my arms always take too long to heal.” 

“Stop being a fucking creep,” Logan hissed. I turned to him and saw that the wound in his shoulder was also gone. Without thinking, I bent to touch the smooth skin, as if I couldn’t believe it without feeling it as well. Logan went still under my touch. I knew Wade didn’t mind the physical contact, he practically threw himself at me whenever I was around, but Logan was always just out of reach. I was too frazzled to think correctly anymore. 

“So you can heal,” I mumbled. 

“Very fast,” Wade said. He grabbed the remote and clicked on the tv. 

“You can stop touching me now sweetheart.” Once again, I snatched my hands back with a mumbled sorry , a faint flush burning my cheeks. 

“Comes in real handy with our line of work.” Wade was bouncing his leg, the couch squeaking under him. Logan’s hand shot out to still him, knuckles showing white for a moment. Wade winced and I heard another snap.

“Which is…?”

Logan answered for me, “mercenaries.” 

“Oh,” I plopped down on the rickety coffee table. The information settled like a lead weight in my stomach. My first instinct was fear. They killed people for money. Would they then turn on me now? Curiosity tugged at me as well. I couldn’t explain it but there was something so magnetic about them. The edge of danger had always been there, especially with Logan. I would have never guessed it was this. Ever since I first met them, I knew I would be fascinated. I guess I had my answer as to why they were as fit as models. “How come I’ve never seen anything? Do you guys not have…guns or whatever?” 

“He didn’t want to scare you.” Logan jabbed his thumb Wade’s way. I cocked my head at Wade, a tiny smile pulling at my lips. He actually looked a little bashful. 

“I’ve found that women don’t always respond very positively to my intestines hanging out.” My stomach flipped and I sat a little straighter. 

“Has that happened?” 

“No, but a fortune teller told me it will happen when I least expect it.” He stood with an excited jump, moving to stand in front of a small closet. There was only a faint limp in his movement. As he walked, I became incredibly aware that both men were nearly naked, only clad in thin boxers. With every step, Wade’s well defined back flexed and his legs tensed. I only allowed myself a moment to take him in before I drew my gaze away. He turned and flung the door open with flourish. “Behold! My batcave!” I glanced inside, and found a tall gun case, massive stacks of ammo, and two katanas balanced against a red suit. There was a yellow one tucked next to it as well. “Mine is the red one, a very flattering color I assure you.” 

“The yellow one is yours?” Logan just gives me a curt nod. His face is stone again, clearly done with this conversation. “Do you use any of that?” I ask, motioning to the “batcave”, whatever the hell that means. 

Snikt.  

“Woah,” I whispered. The three blades protruding from between his knuckles were shiny and looked wicked sharp. I leaned forward and pressed the pad of my thumb against the middle blade. It immediately split the skin and a drop of blood oozed down my skin. Logan watched my warily, like I was liable to jump on the claws at any moment. “Do they hurt?” There were small beads of blood around where they had pierced through his skin. With a flex of his veiny forearm, the claws disappeared. The blades slid smoothly between the bones on the back of his hand.

“Yeah, everytime.” I watch his skin knit itself together again with rapt attention. Once it finished, I ran my injured thumb over the regrown skin, our blood smearing a thick stripe across his knuckles. Logan’s hand was relaxed as I held it. Wade flopped back onto the couch, his head in Logan’s lap, baby knife clutched in his hands. Logan seemed resigned, face relaxing just a bit, and allowed Wade to rest. He withdrew his hand from mine before resting his arm across Wade’s neck. The motion was surprisingly domestic and it made my heart warm. Behind me, the Golden Girls theme played. 

“Isn’t Al in danger with you two here? Don’t you have enemies that could find her?” The briefest sad expression flashed across Wade’s face. I stood suddenly, “oh my god where is she? Did someone already grab her and that’s why you were fucked up?” 

“She’s fine, probably wandering the streets or whatever women of her age do,” Wade made a dismissive wave of his hand. 

“Wade!” I stepped on his foot in my mad dash to my fallen purse. I needed my phone to do…something. Call someone? The phone call would sound ridiculous. Hi, I help a blind woman and her two mutant roommates are mercenaries and got her kidnapped. Yeah, totally believable. I had just snatched my bag up when the door opened and Al herself appeared. 

“Fucking Jesus,” she snapped as she ran into me. My body sagged in relief at seeing her. I gripped her shoulders, just to make sure she was actually there. 

“Oh my god Al, don’t fucking scare my like that.” Her hands flew up and shook out from my touch. 

“Well you were late!” I wasn’t. “Are those two done fucking yet?” I twisted to look at the men on the couch. Logan was half way out the window to smoke. I could have sworn I saw him lick at his bloody knuckles. Wade was studying me, the hint of a challenge in his eyes, daring me to say something about their relationship. I smiled, hoping it let him know I didn’t care. But that easy look might have been ruined when pieces fell together. The knife. The three slashes to Wade’s chest. Their near nakedness. 

Huh.

“Uh yeah Al, I think I ruined the mood for them.” She scoffed and shoved a grocery bag into my hands. I dutifully turned to the kitchen and began to store away the random assortment of items. She guided herself over to the coffee maker and began to load the grounds into a filter. 

“I think you are one of the biggest things that puts them in the mood honey.” I heard a growl float in from the window. 

Wade and Logan stopped avoiding me after finding out their true occupation. It never got any easier seeing their bloody bodies strew around the apartment. I slipped on enough stray bullets that I learned to watch my feet. Wade was always cleaning his guns with a concentration I didn’t think he was capable of. One night he forced me to sit down, offering his lap first and whimpered pitifully when I took the chair, and made me hold the gun, showing me how to cock it and flick the safety on and off. The name Chekhov was stamped across the side in shiny gold letters. “Do I really need to know this?” He leaned closer, cheek pressed to mine. His warm hands slid over my own, guiding me to a button that would pop the magazine out and helped me click it back into place. He had grown much bolder in his touching and I couldn’t bring myself to stop him anymore.

“Never know when you’ll need to flip the badass switch.” His bubbly finger tapped the glittering name for emphasis. I shifted in my seat to face him, my lips ghosting over his cheek. He followed my lead and our noses brushed. 

“I didn’t think I would need that with you around.” A beat passed as we looked at each other. There was something soft in his eyes that made my heart clench. “You’re going to protect me, right?” It wouldn’t take much to lean closer, to finally kiss him. I knew he was thinking the same thing and my eyelids fluttered closed in anticipation. 

The alarm for my Al’s meds broke the moment. 

I knew I was sliding into a sticky situation. I found myself staying later and later, well past my shift with Al had ended. It was absolutely forbidden for me to become involved with clients. The excuse that they weren’t technically my clients wouldn’t work on my boss. I needed to make a decision. Either stop working with Al or end any attachment to Wade, and Logan by extension. 

***

I’m not sure how Wade and I ended up on that date. He and Logan had been away on a job for a week. It was finally peaceful in the apartment but I couldn’t lie to myself, I had missed them. So I didn’t fight Wade too much when he asked “nicely”, aka demanded , he tag along while I ran errands for Al. She was the last person I had to visit for the day so I allowed him to drag me to a bar after I dropped her meds off. Logan had a dark look in his eyes when he saw Wade clutch my hand. “The old man is just jealous. He wishes someone would take him out, but he doesn’t do well in crowds, very bitey.” I smirked and let Wade choose our destination. His hand was steady around mine, giving it occasional squeezes as we rushed across busy streets. The bar he picked was properly seedy, full to the brim with haggard men with face tattoos. Normally, I would have run screaming from a place like this. But Wade was clearly well liked. He moved through the room, smiling and waving at everyone. He tried introducing me to some people but it was hard to keep their names straight. We found an empty booth tucked behind the row of pool tables. I eased onto the sticky laminate bench as Wade headed to the bar to get our drinks. I listen to the men next to my seat argue over who was supposed to break for their next game of pool while I waited. 

Wade returned with my drink, a neon green one for him, and two small shot glasses. I eyed them suspiciously as he passed me one of the whipped cream topped shots. “I thought it was only right to start our date with a blowjob.” I coughed on my laugh, examining the glass. He tapped his against mine before downing it and I followed his lead. It was pure sugar, nearly masking the burn of the alcohol. 

“Whoever made this has clearly never given a blow job. Way too sweet.” Wade grinned in that mischievous way he always seemed to when he was going to be especially gross. I had no idea why I was being so forward. But I felt light, happy. All my worries from work had melted away as Wade held my hand on our way here.

“Oh yeah? I’ve been told my cum is rather delicious. It’s all the pineapple I eat.” I rolled my eyes and matched his grin, propping my elbows on the table, head cradled between my hands. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you eat a single fruit. Or a vegetable honestly.” Wade copied my pose, fluttering his nonexistent eyelashes. 

“How about you taste mine and I taste yours?” I pretended to contemplate, eyes scrunching, head tilting from side to side. My hand inched across the table before I plucked the cherry from Wade’s drink. He saw me, I could tell by the minute flick of his gaze, but he let me take it regardless. I yanked it from the stem with my teeth and chewed thoughtfully. 

“Hm, I’m not sure. Don’t you think Al would talk if you were moaning my name so much?” He grabbed my wrist and dragged my hand closer. My breath caught as his lips enveloped my index finger and thumb. His tongue lazed over them before he drew back, the cherry stem between his teeth. 

“Sweetie pie, I moan it enough as is.” I blushed and my stomach grew warm. The stem disappeared, his jaw moving. “I haven’t been able to convince the old bastard to dress like you yet. But he lets me pretend.” I took a big gulp of my drink and glanced away. The patrons were starting to get more boisterous. Their shouts echoed off the peeling wallpapered walls as they called for more rounds or catcalled some of the working girls. I watched as a pretty blonde walked off with two men. Would Wade and Logan take turns? Or would they pin me between them, spreading me open on both of their- “Jealous?” My head whorled back to him but only found a knowing glint in his eyes. 

“Shut up,” I growled and took another deep drink. Wade’s tongue lolled out, in the center was a perfectly knotted stem. I shifted in my seat. This was not how I had intended the night to go. I wanted just a drink, conversation, and then home for a long awaited rest. But here I was, squirming at the mere sight of Wade’s tongue. “Impressive,” I mumbled. I reached across the table and plucked the stem from him. It looked like he was going for another kiss but my hand drew back too fast.

“I know it’s impressive. Just spelling out my name gets it all twisted like that.” I rolled my eyes with a smirk. 

“You didn't strike me as a guy who would spell his name out. I thought you might be a little more creative.” He leaned closer, eyes just a bit too wide. 

“Oh? What were you imagining I would do? I have a lot of skills and I’ll use them all on you.” Damn it . I finished off my drink and the booze buzzed down my body as it settled inside me. A small voice in my head reminded me that I needed to pick. That if I went down this road with Wade, I needed to stop visiting Al. But fuck, I craved the feeling of his hands on me. I dreamt of him and Logan anytime I saw them. My brain became more and more depraved as the weeks went on. I could barely look at them sometimes without blushing. 

“Wade,” I sighed, twirling my straw in the slowly melting ice. “If we do anything, I have to stop working with Al. It’s a conflict of-“ he held a scarred hand up and my voice died away. 

“No work talk. It’s Friday, let me show you a good time.” I sighed again but nodded. 

The night passed blissfully. Wade was a strangely great date, much better than any guy I’ve been with recently. He asked me a million questions, ranging from my childhood, food allergies, to my favorite Mexican food. He gave me half joke responses about his own childhood, but gave me enthusiastic answers to everything else . He bought me another drink after he finished his but I was careful to sip mine slowly. The last thing I needed was a hangover. He also brought some greasy fries and I dove into them gratefully. We played one round of pool, which he won by only a few points. Then he promptly annihilated me in darts. “So unfair,” I groaned. “You do this for a living, I would have never won.” 

“I thought you being sexy would distract me enough. Strip, then you’ll win.” I had that pleasant buzz running through me so his words just made me giggle. 

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that.” I held up my hand to cut off his next words. “Not now you horny bastard.” He pouted, lip stuck a full inch off his face. I playfully plucked at it. “Pout all you want. You gotta put more effort in to get me naked.” 

That was perhaps the wrong choice of words because he bent down, his lips colliding with mine. I gasped but grabbed at his sweatshirt, clinging to him. He kissed like he wanted to eat me, all tongue and spit. He tasted as sweet as candy from the bright cocktails he had. It made my head swirl, skin heat. His hands moved to my hips and traced the sliver of exposed skin before they dove into my back pockets, and jerked me closer. I moaned into him as I felt the hard ridge in his pants pressed against my hip. The few whoops from our onlookers made me pause. “Probably not the best place.” Wade’s voice was a little husky, lips still close enough to mine that they moved with his words. 

“No,” I mumbled. But neither of us disentangled from each other. “I should probably go home.” Wade sighed and straightened. He nodded, tucking a loose lock of hair behind my ear. 

“Fuck you look gorgeous.” His voice was barely audible under the conversations and the music. I opened my mouth to say something but he cut me off. “I gotta hit the head then I’ll take you home.” He removed my hands from his sweatshirt, but still held one as he guided me to where the bathrooms were, situated at the end of a long hallway. “Wait here, don’t get too many men drooling over you.” Once he disappeared into the men’s room, I let out a breath. He was overwhelming, equal parts sweet, filthy, and ridiculous. The last thing I wanted to do was be responsible. To go home and ignore all the things he made me feel. I had already gone too far, what were a couple more steps? I bit at my thumb nail and watched the bathrooms intently. I didn’t see any women come or go into theirs. I scanned the bar and only found a handful of them. I knew I would have it mostly to myself. 

Cautiously, as if I was somehow breaking a law, I walked down and into the women’s bathroom. It was empty, mostly clean, and smelled fine. Which I’m sure is more than I could say about the men’s. I propped myself against the wall in the hallway, waiting for Wade to emerge again. Two men passed before I saw him. “Aw, I don’t need an escort out of this creepy hallway.” I roughly grabbed his shirt, and backed into the still empty bathroom. “Oh wow, the promised land.” 

I slammed him against the door, far too rough from nerves, but his face lit up nevertheless, a little excited laugh escaping him. “How about you show me those skills you talked about, yeah? Consider this a trial period before I let you fuck my brains out.” He didn’t need to be told twice. He hauled my body tight against his, lips crashing against mine again. This time, I gave into his kisses completely, his teeth tugging at my lips. There was a pinch of pain each time but it only made me claw at his neck harder. Judging by the groan he let out, I think I broke through skin. His tongue prodded its way into my mouth and I moaned loudly against him. His hands slid all over my body before they hooked behind my knees and he carried me to the counter. He lifted me like I weighed nothing. My head was beginning to grow fuzzy from our kiss but I refused to part, greedily sucking air from him instead. 

Wade was the first to rear back, gulping down lungfuls of air. I wanted to drag him back and kiss him till I was lightheaded again. “Goddamn woman,” he mumbled. I just hummed, moving my desperate kisses to his jaw. My hands crawled up his shirt and littered his torso with scratches. He leaned closer, my head hitting the mirror behind me, as he gripped my hips and dragged me flush against him. My legs curled around his waist, craving the feeling of his hard cock against me. 

“Wade,” I whined while I ground my hips against his. I found a particularly sensitive spot just below his ear that made him rasp my name. He cupped the back of my neck, leading me back to his greedy mouth. His thumb brushed along my jaw before his fingers delicately laid across my throat. I arched my neck to give his hand better access to the column of muscle. But his hands slipped from me entirely so he could shove my shirt over my breasts. He buried his face between them, peppering the skin with long, sucking kisses. “ Wade,” I moaned, hips bucking desperately against him, “I need you to fuck me.” His hand went to my jeans, pulling the button free and easing the zipper down. I yelped when his teeth captured a bit of flesh and bit down, hard . But the sting of pain only made me crave him more. Finally his hand plunged under my jeans and into my underwear. 

“So wet all ready,” he hummed, biting at more of my skin. He drifted over my clit in loose, but firm circles. With his free hand, he worked the cup of my bra down and captured my nipple in his mouth. I thursted against his hand in an attempt to get him to do more, to bend me over this sink and fuck me like I knew he wanted to. Instead, he traced the tip of his finger over my entrance and had the nerve to chuckle when I tried to force it inside. 

“ Jesus, Wade , stop teasing me.” My voice was airy, tinged with desire. His teeth glanced across my nipple and I nearly wailed. “Wade!” My nails went to his head and dug into his scalp, heels digging into his ass in annoyance. 

“I love the way you say my name, pretty girl.” His finger drove into me, pumping in and out quickly. He sucked one last bruise onto the top of my breast before he was kissing and licking back up my neck. 

“ More , Wade,” I panted, “you aren’t going to break me.” He laughed, the sound sending goosebumps across my feverish skin. Another finger worked its way into me and my eyes rolled back at the stretch, a sigh catching in my throat.  His thumb moved into more controlled figure eights. My legs trembled around him as he crooked his fingers inside, hunting for that spongy spot inside me. “Wade, oh fuck.” 

“God you moan so nice for daddy Wade.” Something between a laugh and a sob of pleasure bubbled up from my chest. Heat oozed through my body, settled deep in my stomach. 

“I’m not gonna call you that. Ah, keeping doing that, so good.” 

“Are you going to call Logan daddy when he makes you wiggle like this?” He found his mark and stroked the spot deep inside me with complete focus. My hips bore down on his hand, chasing for the orgasm I sensed. “ Aww seems like you like the idea. You’re sucking me in so much.” He bit more bruises on my neck, tongue lapping at the skin after to soothe the ache. “I can’t wait to see you stretched on his big dick.” 

I whimper, the tension inside me near breaking point. “Yours first.” The coil finally snapped. My eyes squeezed shut as a stream of his name and half gasps fell from my chapped lips. His free hand pinned my hip to the counter to stop its wild jerks. He scattered soft kisses across my face and cheeks as he worked me through my orgasm. It seemed to last an eternity and the waves of bliss made my body tingly. 

Eventually, my body relaxed and slumped against the mirror, chest heaving. Wade’s fingers remained in me, lazily plunging inside. Now that the haze had passed, I could hear just how wet I was. The lewd noises echo off the cramped bathroom’s tiles. “Wade,” I mumbled, tugging weakly at his wrist. “You should get to fucking me now.” 

“ Ew , how about you guys don’t. Do you know how dirty it is in here?” I jumped at the voice, scrambling to cover myself. Wade shifted himself to block me from view as I did. His fingers withdrew with a pop that made my face heat even more. The woman idly scrolled on her phone to give us privacy. My bra was fixed, shirt back over my chest, in record time. 

Wade was fine to let us wait it seemed. His sticky fingers lingered on my stomach, running over the curves and stretch marks, before he buttoned up my pants. “Okay sugar bean, let’s get you home.” He helped me off the counter, my weak legs wobbling just a bit. He kept his firm arm around me for support anyways. I had half a mind to think it was just to keep touching me. I didn’t mind and leaned into his side, head against his chest. 

The night was cool, the slight bite of oncoming autumn in the crisp air, and I breathed it in. My head felt clearer with each one. I went to pull away first, to tell him that I would see him on Monday, but he kept walking. “Where are we going?” 

“Gonna take you home.” I blinked. 

“How do you know this is the way to my place?” He made a noncommittal noise and shrugged. 

“Is some light stalking a turn off?” I knew I was crazy, absolutely insane, because all I did was beam up at him and cling closer. We made our way to my apartment in long winding segments. First the train where he pulled my legs over his and kissed at my wind whipped cheeks. Then a stop at a late night burger chain where Wade promptly drowned his in ketchup. We walked slowly to my apartment, hand in hand. Exhaustion had finally reached me and my feet dragged behind me. The night had only grown colder, breath misting in front of our faces. I was wearing a light jacket as I anticipated being home before the drop in temperature. I drew Wade’s arm closer, pressing it against my chest, clinging to the bit of heat. “You know, if we were both naked you would be warmer.” I rolled my eyes. 

“That’s absolutely not how that works. Also, my place is just around the corner.” We only had to walk a few more steps before I saw the familiar entrance to my apartment. Wade followed me to my door, leaning against the rail, waiting for me to fish my keys out of my purse. Once I had them in hand, I also tugged my phone from my pocket. “I don’t have your number.” I oddly felt shy, like this was too much of a leap. It felt more official like this. When I held it out for him, he took it eagerly, fingers tapping quickly. Then he kept typing. I peered down at my phone and saw him adding information for Asshole GILF, surrounded by an assortment of hearts. Quite frankly, I didn’t even know Logan had a phone, I had never seen him with it. 

My stomach dropped when I saw Wade open a conversation with Logan and began typing. I was only able to read the words horny and get it up before I snatched my phone back. “Oh my god Wade!” I rapidly deleted the text, refusing to read anymore of his nonsense sexting. “I would prefer Logan to not think I’m trying to jump his bones.” 

“Aw come on! Live a little. Logan loves people who come on too strong, especially on his face.”  

“I think you are probably the exception, Wade. Logan doesn’t seem to want much to do with me.” His cold palms cupped my cheeks and drew me closer. 

“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, just you and me, yeah?” I nod, arms encircling his waist. The warmth of his chest spread into mine. “Logan dreams about you. He growls your name. He humps me in his sleep like a teenage boy. Then he wakes up and fucks me for hours.” My face heated at his words. I could feel him getting hard against my hip. “He wants you so bad it makes him crazy.” He pushed against me, just the slightest bit. “ I want you so bad it makes me crazy.” I realized that I never repaid the favor at the bar before being interrupted. 

“Do you want to come upstairs?” Wade smirked, kissing the apples of each cheek then my nose. 

“No, I’m gonna surprise Logan. He’ll go nuts when he smells you on me.” I blinked in confusion. I didn’t smell that bad, did it? “He has enhanced senses,” he explained. “He’ll be able to smell your cum on my fingers from outside the apartment.” 

“Oh god,” I mumbled, stuck between embarrassment and arousal. “Okay, well, don’t keep Al up.” 

“She has ear muffs.” I shook my head, chuckling at the absurdity. Wade pecked at my lips but didn’t allow me more. “Goodnight baby girl. Make sure you text me so I know who you are. So many crazy fangirls, you wouldn’t believe it.” 

“Uh huh,” I teased, finding the key fob for my building. Wade left one lingering kiss on my forehead before giving me a nudge toward my door. The scanner beeped, door releasing with a click. I wedged the door open before it could lock again. “Goodnight, see you Monday.” I blew him a kiss before the door clicked behind me as I went to the elevator. I reached for my phone and searched for Wade in my contact list. Of course I found him listed as Bootycall . Instead of solely hearts, his name was circled by eggplants and hearts. 

Me: you have to send me a picture for your profile. I could have missed you 

The elevator dinged and the door slid open. I traced my usual route to my apartment, jiggling the lock open with my key. My phone buzzed on the counter as I set it down to toe off my shoes and hang my coat up. 

Bootycall: once I’m done with Logan, I’ll send pictures for the both of us. 

Bootycall: Do you have other fuckbuddies? How could you? We should be the only ones for you

I woke up late the next day to two pictures. One was blurry, but the brown hair and a pointy white tooth told me it was Logan. It seemed Wade had tried to sneak it and was caught. The picture of Wade nearly made me faint. Pearly white beads of cum were splattered across his face and dripped off his exposed tongue. 

Me: I can’t possibly make that your contact picture

Bootycall: you’re right! Make it your background!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Do you have a list of good sex ed books to read?

BOY DO I

please bear in mind that some of these books are a little old (10+ years) by research standards now, and that even the newer ones are all flawed in some way. the thing about research on human beings, and especially research on something as nebulous and huge as sex, is that people are Always going to miss something or fail to account for every possible experience, and that's just something that we have to accept in good faith. I think all of these books have something interesting to say, but that doesn't mean any of them are the only book you'll ever need.

related to that: it's been A While since I've read some of these so sorry if anything in them has aged poorly (I don't THINK SO but like, I was not as discerning a reader when I was 19) but I am still including them as books that have been important to my personal journey as a sex educator.

additionally, a caveat that very few of these books are, like, instructional sex ed books in the sense of like "here's how the penis works, here's where the clit is, etc." those books exist and they're great but they're also not very interesting to me; my studies on sex are much more in the social aspect (shout out to my sociology degree) and the way people learn to think about sex and societal factors that shape those trends. these books reflect that. I would genuinely love to have the time to check out some 101 books to see how they fare, but alas - sex ed is not my day job and I don't have the time to dedicate to that, so it happens slowly when it happens at all. I've been meaning to read Dr. Gunter's Vagina Bible since it came out in 2019, for fucks sake.

and finally an acknowledgement that this is a fairly white list, which has as much to do with biases with academia and publishing as my own unchecked biases especially early in my academic career and the limitations of my university library.

ANYWAY here's some books about sex that have been influential/informative to me in one way or another:

The Trouble With Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life (Michael Warner, 1999)

Virginity Lost: An Intimate Portrait of First Sexual Experiences (Laura M. Carpenter, 2005)

Virgin: The Untouched History (Hanne Blank, 2007)

Sex Goes to School: Girls and Sex Education Before the 1960s (Susan K. Freeman, 2008)

Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex (Mary Roach, 2008)

Transgender History: The Roots of Today's Revolution (Revised Edition) (Susan Stryker, 2008)

The Purity Myth: How America's Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women (Jessica Valenti, 2009)

Not Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex (Amy T. Schalet, 2011)

Straight: The Surprisingly Short History of Heterosexuality (Hanne Blank, 2012)

Rewriting the Rules: An Integrative Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships (Meg-John Barker, 2013)

The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Realities (Rachel Hills, 2015)

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Tranform Your Sex Life (Emily Nagoski, 2015)

Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men (Jane Ward, 2015)

Too Hot to Handle: A Global History of Sex Education (Jonathan Zimmerman, 2015)

American Hookup: The New Culture of Sex on Campus (Lisa Wade, 2017)

Histories of the Transgender Child (Jules Gill-Peterson, 2018)

Revolting Prostitutes: The Fight for Sex Workers' Rights (Juno Mac and Molly Smith, 2018)

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex (Angela Chen, 2020)

Pleasure in the News: African American Readership and Sexuality in the Black Press (Kim Gallon, 2020)

A Curious History of Sex (Kate Lister, 2020)

Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity (Peggy Orenstein, 2020)

Black Women, Black Love: America's War on Africa American Marriage (Dianne M. Stewart, 2020)

The Tragedy of Heterosexuality (Jane Ward, 2020)

Hurts So Good: The Science and Pleasure of Pain on Purpose (Leigh Cowart, 2021)

Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs (Ina Park, 2021)

The Right to Sex: Feminist in the Twenty-First Century (Amia Srinivasan, 2021)

Love Your Asian Body: AIDS Activism in Los Angeles (Eric C. Wat, 2021)

Superfreaks: Kink, Pleasure, and the Pursuit of Happiness (Arielle Greenberg, 2023)

[slutforpringles]

Ricciardo is speaking to me from Baku (where he sensationally won from P17 in 2017), a week before what will be remembered as one of the most arcane and unceremonious dismissals in the history of the sport. And while it couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke, the repercussions of the decision - specifically, the way it was executed - affects the team,the sponsors, the fans, and F1 in its entirety. Somehow, Ricciardo gritted his teeth and smiled throughout the train wreck, departing with dignity, and in doing so left a legacy that will go unrivalled by drivers more accomplished in the sport - both past and present. You only have to go through the tribute posts from current and former F1 drivers, teams, commentators, celebrities, specialist media, and fans to see what sort of an impact he had, and what size pothole his lack of presence will leave on the grid. Ricciardo's eight grand prix wins ranks him equal 37th on the list of the most successful F1 drivers of all time, and redemption at Monaco in 2018 - after Red Bull fumbled his certain win in 2016 - will likely rank as his (and his fans') most satisfying victory. To put his career in perspective, only 15 per cent of all drivers who've competed in F1 have won a race. Of those, only five per cent have won eight or more races. It's fair to say, the Honey Badger is one of the best to ever do it, and he deserved a send off that reflected his success. For brands like Tudor, who organised my interview, they've lost a valuable asset. They may have even lost the very reason they committed to sponsoring the team in the first place - an affable, approachable, and highly respected marketing machine. An ambassador that everyone, including myself, is dying to meet. It's the reason every brand in Australia wants a piece of Ricciardo; he's impossible to dislike. After an enthusiastic discussion about Tudor's involvement with Visa Cash App RB, we move onto the Black Bay Ceramic "Blue" on his wrist. "They even did this custom flame strap for me," he beams as he lifts it up to the camera. It's greyish white and embossed with flames, like his headphones - and if it's a piece unique from Tudor, which one would assume it is, then it's going to be highly collectible. I ask questions about his McLaren exit and return to F1, the competitor in him, how he deals with pressure and maintaining mental clarity as a driver, but in hindsight, none of it matters anymore. Not until we arrive at life after Formula One.

The most obvious and undeniable proof we've had yet of just how last-minute and haphazard the decision was to replace Daniel after the Singapore GP. The team's big sponsors had no idea, Daniel had no idea, clearly even VCarb's team principals had no idea .... an absolute shitshow that resulted in Daniel being subjected to some of the most cruel and unfair treatment by the media and resulted in an exit completely unbefitting of his contributions and achievements over his career in Formula One.

Daniel Ricciardo: The Last Laugh | BH Magazine Volume Two (November 2024) | James Want (**if used please credit**)

[endless-ineffabilities]

The Bolter (part five)

Steve Rogers x f!reader / (Bucky Barnes x f!reader)

synopsis : Steve carries out his decision to return to Peggy, aiming to live out the rest of his days with her. But this means he's leaving everything behind - he's leaving you. Did he make the right choice? Will there be anything left with you to come back to?

in this chapter : In present day, the reader and Bucky get closer - will one of them finally slip up? We also see what happened in 2018, during the battle in Wakanda.

themes/warnings : pining, unrequited love, Bucky dealing with ptsd, brief mention of violence, language

word count : 2.1k

main masterlist ▪︎ series masterlist

📝 a little bit of an explanation on the timeline : 2016 - Civil War ▪︎ 2017 - post Civil War / Steve and reader on the run ▪︎ early 2018 - Infinity War ▪︎ 2018 to 2023 - the lost years / post-snap ▪︎ late 2023 - Endgame / Steve's departure ▪︎ 2024 - present day / Falcon and the Winter Soldier period ▪︎ 1950s - where Steve went back

2024, seven months after Steve's departure

You win. Again.

By now, you're convinced Bucky is actually letting you win in Battleship. Each guess he made had been wrong, so it must be deliberate.

"James Buchanan Barnes," you sigh.

His lips form a sly smirk. He isn't even trying to deny it.

You reach across and lightly shove his non-vibranium arm. "It's no fun if there's no challenge."

He shrugs, "Maybe I like the way you react when you win. You get so... expressive." Another smirk. Damn him.

What could possibly be so amusing about the way you practically screeched and stuck your tongue at him the first time you won?

"Yeah, but you let me win four times in a row."

"Deal with it, doll."

"You suck."

He grimaces, "Suck?"

Right. You keep forgetting he is an very old, very ancient centenarian.

"It's an expression."

Something flashes across his face, and you can't really make out what it is. "Do you suck, too?"

"What?" you exclaim. "I just said it's an expression. It means you're annoying."

He holds your gaze for a moment, before laughing, eyes visibly crinkling at the corners. "I'm messing with you, doll. I know what that means. I'm old, not unaware."

Damn him again.

And damn the way the rare instances of his laughter is slowly growing to be a thing you yearn for. Bucky has a playful side, you've come to realize. You get this feeling of lightness, because you're proud of him. The more it comes out, the more it shows how much he has healed.

You blink at him, shaking your head, before bursting into laughter yourself.

Damn it all to hell.

It takes a beat for you to collect yourselves.

Then for a second, it's there. That fleeting shift in his expression. A pinch in his eyebrows giving way to a look of shame. Just for a moment, his mind drifts back to the long list of names in his notebook. To Yori's son. To the crimson in his ledger.

You notice, and you don't hesitate in taking his hand, squeezing gently. "Hey," you say, catching his attention. "I'm glad we get to do this."

I'm glad I have you.

Glancing down at your hand wrapped around his, he smiles, slowly, like a sun rising and casting its glow over the horizon.

"Let's play one more time," Bucky says as he begins rearranging the pieces on his side.

You were about to protest, but then he adds, "I won't let you win, I swear."

Fifteen minutes later, you do indeed win again. He laughs at the incredulous expression that must be plastered on your face.

You take it. Because maybe you did win, fair and square.

Or maybe because his laughter feels like winning.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

The days have blurred into weeks and into months.

It feels like time is passing quickly, every second feels less and less like the lash of a whip, reminding Bucky of past pains. Of loss. Of all his sins.

Life almost feels normal. The kind of normal he is afforded in his life, at least.

Sessions with his court-mandated therapist. You. Dinners with Yori, desperately unable to tell him the truth. You. Sleepless nights, glimpses of his darkness haunting him. You. Sleepless nights, tempting images of you.

Behind all the laughter and the times you would spend playing Battleship on the floor of his barely furnished apartment, Bucky gets a sense of something gnawing at him. Something not unfamiliar, but unwelcome all the while.

It's fear. He has something to lose, once more. A friend or a kindred spirit. Whatever else you will find in each other. It's there and it's real, and it makes him feel like Bucky again.

He doesn't want to lose it, whatever it is. He's already lost Steve.

He's not going to lose you too.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

early 2018, Infinity War

After you and Steve left the cabin, it's like the universe was sent a go-ahead signal of some sort.

The world slowly descended into chaos, and the Avengers were needed back into the fold.

Your group had to rush to Scotland to rescue Wanda and Vision. Then it was back to the Avengers compound.

"You think all is forgiven?" Senator Ross asked, the threat evident in his tone. "You think you can just walk back in here like nothing happened? Romanoff has been leading my team on some wild goose chase - "

Natasha merely scoffs, unamused.

" - and Huntress has been actively aiding and abetting her fellow fugitives around the globe."

You were about to say something snarky, but Steve had already taken a step forward, partially shielding you from Ross' view.

"We're not looking for forgiveness, and we're way past asking permission," Steve declared.

In that time, life became drastically different from your days in Alaska. You barely had a moment of repose, worried about the fate of the world.

But you found comfort in the blonde super soldier who was constantly hovering over you. His eyes would meet yours before a decision would be made. His hand sometimes pressed at the small of your back as you walked beside him. Time and again, you found him watching you, a silent question in his eyes. You'd nod back, I'm okay.

You didn't notice, but in one of those moments, Wanda had witnessed the exchange.

And she felt it. That something. Much like what she has with Vision.

But it just wasn't the right time.

It is a bit hard to face the truth that you might be in love when the whole world is burning.

"I guess this is our normal, after all," you wistfully remarked to him one evening, after everyone else had left. The plans were laid. You all were to go to Wakanda the next day.

Steve felt a sense of bitterness arising from him upon hearing your words. It really isn't fair. He has always done everything right, but he's losing count of how many joys he's had to sacrifice.

He lost everyone once. His mom, his sister, Bucky, his fellow soldiers, Dr. Erskine, Peggy. He'd buried himself in ice, only to wake up again in a world that wasn't his anymore.

What else does he have to lose, who else, before he is finally allowed to be happy?

His smile was pained when he replied, "I think I figured out the kind of normal I want."

Despite your exhaustion, you smiled back and curiously asked, "Oh yeah?"

Steve hopelessly tried to commit you to memory. The lilt in your voice, the shape of your lips. That undying spark in your eyes, which remained even when everything was cast in gloom.

Just in case he would wake up one day and find his whole world taken from him once more.

"Yeah," he finally said.

The world is ablaze, but he's grown used to it. He knew he would lay his life down on the line again if that means it would be saved.

But everything be damned, he allowed himself one selfish thought when he confessed, "We never should have left that cabin."

I'm in love with you, were the words caught in his throat. His heart screamed it, yearning to be heard.

And you did.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

It was a cruel twist of fate. But Thanos deemed it destiny.

Was it always meant to happen? Were they always meant to lose?

Steve didn't know how long he stayed on the ground next to the pile of ashes that used to be his best friend.

Bucky was gone.

Steve barely heard the screams. Anguished voices calling out the names of their friends, still searching.

All that would have been unbearable. The sounds of distress enough to drive one mad. But Steve heard nothing. He had nothing.

It's not fair. Inside, he felt like that sickly kid who was always dealt the worst hand. It does feel like he's a kid again, petulant and angry. It's not fair, he thought over and over, I don't deserve this.

Bring Bucky back to me.

Maybe it was all his fault. Maybe if he never took that damned serum... maybe... maybe...

"Cap," he heard someone break him out of his haze. Rhodey stood to the side. "Steve," he repeated, pleading, but Steve still could not find the strength to get up.

Then from the distance, he heard Natasha calling out for you. He stumbled to his feet, his head spinning. Casting one last glance at the spot where Bucky vanished, he turned and started running.

He found Natasha immediately, but not you.

"Where is she?" Steve growled, and his voice sounded rougher than he's ever heard before. Natasha would have recoiled in surprise, if she didn't possess nerves of steel.

"I'm looking," Natasha snapped impatiently. You would have been her loss too.

Steve felt as if he had already scoured through the whole field twice, his body threatening to just give in and crumble to the ground once more, as the hope of finding you dimmed.

Then he heard your faint voice, weak and weary, standing out among all the others.

"Steve?" There you stood, your face half-covered in dried blood and soot. "Did we lose?"

He swiveled around and took you in, a deep breath of helpless relief exiting his lungs. He was angry and defeated.

He wanted to throw Captain America to the wind, and surrender everything.

He wanted to hear his mother's voice singing to him again. This world is cruel, and he wanted to go back home.

But there you were.

There you were, and Steve knew he had not lost everything.

"How did it happen?" you asked as he approached. "Steve, what do we do? There must be something - "

His mouth crashes into yours with such bruising intensity that it makes you stumble backward, but his arms were quick to catch you.

He was right.

You never should have left that cabin.

▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎ ▪︎

2024, seven months after Steve's departure

The nightmare is different.

It's worse. Much worse.

Bucky bolts upright on the floor of his living room, having chosen to bypass the comfort of his bedroom. He thinks this is because he needs to keep his TV on in the background, something to muffle the noise in his mind late at night.

Another reason, one he hasn't confronted yet, is how comfort feels so foreign. It feels wrong, like he doesn't deserve it.

Perhaps that is why he can't find comfort even in his dreams.

It flashes before his eyes, like a broken montage.

It's almost the same every time. He's the Winter Soldier. He's on a mission. There are faces swarming around him, bodies either racing to attack or running away. But he doesn't see any of them. He doesn't feel anything as he makes every single one of them crumble.

But it's different this time. The Winter Soldier does not so much as falter or show any hesitation as he wraps his metal fingers around your windpipe.

The Winter Soldier coldly watches as you expire. Bucky helplessly watches, unable to stop as he loses everything.

Thankfully awake, in this world where he still has you, Bucky's chest feels like it's about to implode.

So much for being a superabled freak.

The clock reads 3:13. It's late, but he needs some air.

He walks for 10 minutes, aimlessly. Then for 20 more, his mind having made a decision on its own. He soon finds himself standing in front of a familiar brownstone building, where your apartment is situated on the top floor.

You don't seem confused when you answer the buzzer. It wouldn't be the first time he has shown up unannounced.

"Can't sleep either?" You're a welcome vision when you greet him at the door, cheeks flushed by the white wine you usually drink at these hours.

She's still here, Bucky reminds himself. The only comfort that he won't deny.

Instead of walking past you, straight into your apartment like he always does, he takes one step closer.

And then another.

He shuts the door behind him.

You watch him carefully, scanning his every movement. There's something here, something different. He takes another step and he has you pressed against the wall.

His eyes betray the storm of emotion brewing inside. He has to remind himself that you're here, and he has you.

"Bucky," you whisper, and it's all he needs.

He leans in and finally touches his lips to yours.

Read part six here ~

taglist (let me know if you wish to be added!) : @vicmc624 @littleliyah16 @babezawa @klammykayla @justsebstan @blue--ingenue @numblytemporary @bradshawass @delicious-xx @mrsevans90 @heartarianagran @tinystarfishgalaxy @kyoquixote @mochibochinochi @spngingerbread21 @zbeez-outlet @rena15 @raging-panda @marveldaydreamer @integers @torntaltos @imthebadguyyy @iidear @blackhawkfanatic @smhnxdiii

My emotions!!!!!! Hahahaha this chapter is a whole mess and so are our protagonists 🔪🫀

yes yes, expect that the next one is 18+ --- but I still won't say exactly with who --- maybe it's a trick? Maybe it's neither of them? Oh well, honestly some of you have got it bang on already 🤷🏻‍♀️

As always, I am keen to hear what you guys think!!

[teriri-sayes]

History of “Lout of Count’s Family”

This compilation lists all real-life events related to the Korean novel, 백작가의 망나니가 되었다 (Lout of Count’s Family), in chronological order, but limited to the Korean and English-reading audiences.

==========

2018

April 9, 2018

The novel was first released as a free-to-read series on Munpia, a Korean web novel platform, under the title, 백작가의 망나니가 되었다 (I Became the Trash of the Count’s Family) by the author, Yoo Ryeo Han, under the Korean publisher, Chungeoram. It had a Mon-Sat release schedule of 6 chapters per week.

May 29, 2018

The novel became a pay-to-read series, owing to its popularity, as announced by the author on May 25. Its first cover illustration featured Cale and Raon.

Image 1. The first cover illustration of the novel.

July 26, 2018

The novel won both the Grand Prize and the Popularity Award at the 4th Korean Web Novel Contest co-hosted by Munpia and the Korean Popular Literature Writers Association. The author received a total of 105 million KRW (~$76,000), a plaque, and other special benefits.

Image 2. Yoo Ryeo Han (right) posing for the Grand Prize winner photo. The old woman in the left is either the author's relative or a contest holder representative.

“When I first started writing, it was a very difficult time for me, both physically and mentally, so when I heard about this contest, I decided to participate,” said Yoo Ryeo Han, the author of “I Became the Trash of the Count’s Family”, the grand prize-winning story, ”I won a great prize through this contest and it was a turning point in my life. I am grateful to Munpia for providing such a great opportunity.” Source: Munpia. (2018, July 31). Munpia Holds the 4th South Korean Web Novel Contest Award Ceremony. NewsWire.co.kr.https://www.newswire.co.kr/newsRead.php?no=873212

July 30, 2018

The novel was serialized on Naver Series, a Korean web novel platform.

September ??, 2018

WuxiaWorld, an English web novel translation publisher, began an English fan translation of the novel under the title “Trash of the Count’s Family” with MiracleRifle as the translator.

October 2, 2018

The novel was serialized on RIDI, a Korean web novel and ebook publisher.

October 15, 2018

The novel was serialized on KakaoPage, a Korean web novel platform.

October 18, 2018

The author announced a temporary hiatus because her mother had an accident, so she had to take care of her mother who would be undergoing surgery.

October 26, 2018

The novel was serialized on Joara, a Korean web novel platform.

October 29, 2018

The author announced a temporary change of the release schedule from 6 chapters per week (Mon-Sat) to 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri) for 3 weeks. This was because she wanted to devote more time to taking care of her mother whose surgery went well. She also thanked her readers who left well wishes for her and her mother.

November 29, 2018

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because she had to take care of her mother’s hospital paperwork and stuff.

2019

January 2, 2019

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because she caught a cold. She also wished her fans a Happy New Year.

January 22, 2019

The author announced a temporary change of the release schedule from 6 chapters per week (Mon-Sat) to 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri) for the next 2-3 months. She stated it was because of a temporary change in her work environment.

March 8, 2019

The author posted a brief character profile on Munpia.

Link: https://novel.munpia.com/113612/page/1/neSrl/2290020

April 1, 2019

The author announced that she would maintain the 5 chapters per week release schedule. She said that her mother’s full recovery and rehabilitation kept getting delayed, and there were also some personal matters, so she needed 2 days off a week.

May 29, 2019

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of health reasons.

June 14, 2019

The author announced a 5-day hiatus because of headache and fever. She went to the hospital to get herself checked, and was diagnosed with meningitis. 

July 4, 2019

The release schedule was permanently changed from 6 chapters per week (Mon-Sat) to 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri). The author said that she wanted to improve her health as the previous release schedule tired her out.

August 13, 2019

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of health reasons.

September 16, 2019

The author announced a 4-day hiatus because of health reasons.

November 11, 2019

The author announced a 3-day hiatus because of personal reasons and body aches.

December 17, 2019

The 2nd cover illustration of the novel was released, featuring Cale, Choi Han, Raon, Ohn, and Hong.

Image 3. The second cover illustration of the novel.

December 31, 2019

The author greeted her readers a happy new year, and also joked about her wrong estimation of the novel ending soon in 500 chapters.

2020

January 17, 2020

The author posted a note in celebration of the novel’s 500th chapter. She answered a few fan questions, and insisted that her dream was not to be a slacker.

January 29, 2020

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of a stomach ache. She also greeted her readers who recently celebrated the Lunar New Year holiday.

February 19, 2020

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of health reasons.

April 17, 2020

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of difficulty in writing. She said that she was suffering from pain in her lower back, wrist, and fingers, making it hard for her to type on her right hand.

April 24, 2020

The author announced a 5-day hiatus because of health reasons.

June 2, 2020

The author announced a month-long hiatus because of family circumstances, which left her in not a good mood for writing.

June 29, 2020

The author announced a 1-month hiatus because of family circumstances. She stated that one of her family members was sick, and this was a very long-term battle, so she wanted to stay by their side until they had fully recovered.

August 5, 2020

The release schedule was permanently changed from 5 chapters per week (Mon-Fri) to 3 chapters per week (MWF). This was in relation to her sick family member’s situation last June 29.

August 26, 2020

Copin Comics, a Korean webtoon publisher and studio, first announced its webtoon adaptation of the novel.

August 31, 2020

Season 1 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel was released on KakaoPage and Copin Comics’s own website, with PAN4 as the artist.

October 28, 2020

The official English title, “Lout of Count’s Family”, made its first appearance in the event prizes given by RIDI. These prizes were stickers and cell phone ring holders featuring Raon, Ohn, and Hong. One needed to purchase 30,000 KRW worth of chapters to qualify for the event.

Image 4. The stickers and cell phone ring holders given in the event.

November 5, 2020

WuxiaWorld announced that it would cease its fan translations of the novel because the author herself turned down their offer to officially translate the novel in English, despite the fact that WuxiaWorld and Chungeoram were in the middle of negotiations.

Eat Apple Pies, a fan translation site, continued the English fan translation of the novel, with permission from MiracleRifle to host in their site the already-translated chapters that were in WuxiaWorld.

November 6, 2020

Adar Terra, a personal blog, began posting English chapter summaries of the novel starting from Part 1 Chapter 630.

December 15, 2020

Copin Comics released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation under the title, “Lout of Count’s Family” on its English website.

2021

January 4, 2021

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of personal reasons.

January 11, 2021

The novel won 2nd place in the 2020 Best Awards of Munpia.

Link: https://www.munpia.com/page/bestawards2020f

January 26, 2021

The author announced a month-long hiatus because of family, health, and personal reasons. 

April 4, 2021

TappyToon, an English webtoon publisher, also released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.

April 30, 2021

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of personal reasons.

May 3, 2021

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because of personal reasons.

May 14, 2021

The 3rd cover illustration was released for the novel, featuring Cale and Kim Rok Soo.

Image 5. The third cover illustration of the novel.

May 28, 2021

Season 1 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel ended.

May 31, 2021

The author posted a note in celebration of the novel’s 700th chapter. She also hinted that she was working on a paperback version of the novel.

June 14, 2021

COWON started a crowdfunding event on Tumblbug, a Korean crowdfunding platform, for a Korean mobile game adaptation of the novel, with the game title of “Plop”. Various official merchandise could also be obtained, depending on which item set the sponsor would purchase. Merchandise included in-game coupons and items, stickers, postcards, and acrylic stands.

Image 6. Preview of the mobile game adaptation.

Image 7. Acrylic stands of Alberu, Cale, and Choi Han given to sponsors who sponsored more than 65,000 KRW ($47.10).

Link: https://tumblbug.com/plop_story

June 15, 2021

The author announced a 3-day hiatus because of health reasons.

July 26, 2021

The crowdfunding event ended with 376 sponsors, raising 33,763,000 KRW (~$25,500) and surpassing its funding goal of 20,000,000 KRW.

September 17, 2021

Season 2 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel began.

October 7, 2021

The author announced a 4-day hiatus because she lost her laptop while outside and spent her time looking for it. Fortunately, she recovered her laptop back.

November 1, 2021

The Korean mobile game “Plop” was released by COWON. It followed a Visual Novel (VN) approach with dating simulation elements. Players could select different stories to play with, and these stories were mobile game adaptations of popular Korean novels. Lout of Count’s Family was one of the stories a player could select. Plop could only be downloaded on QooApp, and was Korean-only.

November 29, 2021

Part 1 of the novel ended at Chapter 776. It was also announced that 7 side stories would be released at the end of every month, and Part 2 of the novel would begin on July 1, 2022.

December 31, 2021

The 1st of 7 side stories of the novel was released.

The novel won the Grand Prize in the Fantasy Web Novel category at the 2021 RIDI Web Novel Awards. Link: https://ridibooks.com/event/37133 

2022

February 2, 2022

An English version of the mobile game “Plop” was released under the title, “IFyou:episodes-love stories”, by PIER Corporation. The English mobile game adaptation of the novel could be played if one selected the “Lout of Count’s Family” story.

Image 8. Promotional image of the game showing the multiple stories one could play with.

February 4, 2022

Pocket Comics, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.

February ??, 2022

Bilibili Comics, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.

April 9, 2022

A special side story was released to celebrate the 4th anniversary of the novel’s serialization.

May 11, 2022

Chungeoram announced a crowdfunding event for the Korean hardcover books of the novel, beginning on June 13 and covering Part 1 Chapters 1-200 in 5 volumes. 

Link: https://blog.naver.com/chungeoram_book/222726296248

June 13, 2022

The crowdfunding event began on Tumblbug. Various official merchandise could also be obtained, depending on which item set the sponsor would purchase. Merchandise included posters, postcards, washi tapes, etc.

Image 9. Preview of the hardcover versions of the novel, and two posters featuring Cale and Choi Han.

Link: https://tumblbug.com/henituse

July 1, 2022

Part 2 of the novel began.

July 15, 2022

The crowdfunding event ended with 4,785 sponsors, raising 788,666,000 KRW (~$596,000) and surpassing its funding goal of 15,000,000 KRW.

July 19, 2022

Copin Comics renamed itself as Terapin Studios. Their English branch continued to be called Copin Comics.

August 4, 2022

Season 2 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel ended.

August 31, 2022

Sponsors of the crowdfunding event began to receive their hardcover books and official merchandise.

October 14, 2022

Copin Comics, the English branch of Terapin Studios, announced that it would be shut down by November 30. The official English translation of the webtoon adaptation would be continued by TappyToons.

November 30, 2022

Copin Comics officially shut down. Terapin Studios continued its service as the Korean webtoon publisher and studio for the webtoon adaptation of the novel.

December 20, 2022

The author announced a week-long hiatus because of health reasons.

December ??, 2022

Plop, the Korean mobile game adaptation of the novel, was terminated.

2023

January 27, 2023

LaLatoon, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.

March 29, 2023

The author announced an almost 2-weeks long hiatus because of personal reasons.

March 31, 2023

IFyou:episodes-love stories, the English mobile game adaptation of the novel, was terminated. PIER Corporation stated that it was because they could no longer afford to pay server maintenance and labor costs.

April 18, 2023

Adar Terra announced that it would discontinue posting summaries for the novel after receiving a DMCA notice from RIDI who asserted that writing summaries itself was illegal.

June 5, 2023

The author announced a week-long hiatus because of personal reasons.

July 13, 2023

Season 3 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel began.

July 31, 2023

RIDI announced that it would release a Korean ebook adaptation of the novel on August 21. They also held a RIDI-exclusive event on July 31 to August 2 where fans could ask the author their questions.

Link: https://ridibooks.com/event/57453

August 21, 2023

RIDI released Volumes 1-5 of the Korean ebook adaptation, covering chapters 1-117 of Part 1. They also had a limited-time event where those who purchased Volumes 1-5 as a set would get discounts plus an Author Q&A as exclusive content. The Author Q&A had 26 questions answered by the author, and was based on the fan questions they gathered in their past event on July 31.

Image 10. Cover of the Author Q&A released as a RIDI-only exclusive content.

August 31, 2023

The author announced a 1-day hiatus because she caught COVID-19.

September 3, 2023

Tapas, an English webtoon publisher, released their official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.

September 15, 2023

RIDI released Volumes 6-9 of the Korean ebook adaptation, covering chapters 118-200 of Part 1. They also had a limited-time event where those who purchased Volumes 6-9 as a set would get discounts.

October 20, 2023

The author posted a note in celebration of the novel’s 1000th chapter. She thanked her readers and also joked about the novel reaching 2000 chapters.

December 29, 2023

The Korean ebook adaptation of the novel won the Grand Prize in the Fantasy ebook category at the 2023 RIDI Awards.

2024

January 24, 2024

Bilibili Comics announced that it would be shut down by February 29. 

February 29, 2024

Bilibili Comics officially shut down. The official English translation of the webtoon adaptation remained on the other webtoon publishers.

March 3, 2024

DAYcomics, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.

March 8, 2024

Lezhin, an English webtoon publisher, released the official English translation of the webtoon adaptation on their website.

March 18, 2024

RIDI released Volumes 10-18 of the Korean ebook adaptation, covering chapters 201-398 of Part 1. They also had a limited-time event where those who purchased Volumes 10-18 as a set would get discounts plus an LCF Modern AU Character Checklist as exclusive content. The checklist had 39 situations that described which character would likely be fit or do something in that situation, but in a modern alternate universe (AU) setting. Two new cover illustrations for the ebook adaptation were also included.

Images 11 and 12. On the left is the new cover illustration for ebook volumes 1-9, featuring Cale alone. On the right is the cover illustration for ebook volumes 10-18, featuring Cale and Raon.

March 27, 2024

Seven Seas Entertainment, an English novel publisher, announced that it had acquired the license to officially translate the novel in English, under the title, “Lout of Count’s Family”. It would be released in September of 2024 in paperback and ebook versions.

July 11, 2024

Season 3 of the webtoon adaptation of the novel ended.

August 24, 2024

Seven Seas Entertainment announced that it would release an English audiobook version of the official English translation of the novel. No release date had been given.

September 3, 2024

Seven Seas Entertainment released volume 1 of the novel's official English translation in paperback and ebook versions. It was also revealed that Seven Seas bought MiracleRifle’s fan translation to use in their official translation, and credited MiracleRifle in their print details.

Image 13. Cover illustration for volume 1 of the English adaptation of the novel.

November 7, 2024

Seven Seas Entertainment released Volume 1 of the official English audio book. It was narrated by Nick Martineau and produced by John Marshall Media.

==========

Coming Soon:

December 3, 2024

Volume 2 of the official English novel translation will be released on this date.

March 4, 2025

Volume 3 of the official English novel translation would be released on this date.

==========

Personal Remarks:

Creating this list was quite a huge task for me. It also made me appreciate the author's hard work, given that she had to write the novel while having family and health problems.

This list was limited to the Korean and English-speaking audiences because finding information about official translations of the novel or webtoon adaptation in other languages was difficult, especially researching the exact dates.

Some personal bias was also involved in the creation of this list. Adar Terra should actually not be included here because it was a fandom thing and not an official one. Unless you count me getting the DMCA notice from the official publisher as an "official" thing. 😂

And that's it. This list will continue to be updated as more official events happen. If you know of other official events related to the novel that I missed, please share it in the comments! Thank you! 🥰