#some of these might sound familiar from 2018/2019

[cielpansyhive]

Cielpansyhive multichapter WIP list!

All of these are in various stages. Some fics are completely plotted, hence the chapter count, some chapters are to be decided still. Others are mostly figured out, a few are vague ideas. A handful of them already have a chapter mostly written that just hasn't been posted yet. I'm including works I have posted on AO3 but haven't finished in this list. I've been busy the past few years, I just haven't been posting or talking about my works. I'd love to answer questions about any of these, without spoiling anything of course.

Kuroshitsuji:

Revamp – Heavy LGBTQ+ characters and themes, modern setting. Sebastian rents out a room in Ciel’s house. After much flirting and interests are made aware, Ciel will have to admit to Sebastian he’s a trans man that has been living in stealth. Sebastian was never able to explore his identity freely. Both have old trauma they must navigate as well as society and family’s expectations. Friends to lovers sebaciel. Found family and discovery of identity. Drag queens galore! Background Alois/Lizzie, Grell/Madam Red, Agni/Soma. Slice of life, smut, sex positivity, mental health, trauma, angst with happy ending. (20 chapters) Currently under revision as this was my first fic!

Skilamalink – Crimson Peak AU, early 1900’s. Two brothers and their mysterious butler must find a way to get their hands on a small fortune. Their inheritance is sinking into the red clay. Ciel Phantomhive searches for a new bride in hopes of marrying into wealth. Tragedy follows the Phantomhives like a dark shadow. Astre Phantomhive is deathly ill and in need of treatment. While he knows there are sinister things that go on behind the scenes, in his wildest dreams he could never imagine what is being kept from him. When Elizabeth Midford comes into the picture secrets begin to unfold. Horror, whump, mystery, murder, ghosts, dark fic, smut, romance, multiple ships, implied incest, satisfying ending. (6 chapters)

Freakshow – 1930’s circus AU, The Great Depression era, prohibition. Sebastian has searched the city only to have every door slammed in his face. Reluctantly he turns to the only place he hasn't tried, the circus. The last thing he wants to be viewed as is a freak, but he doesn't blend in society very well with Marfan syndrome. Circus owner William T. Spears is falling apart at the seams. His circus is failing, though he'd never admit it to anyone. Too many people depend on him, namely his twin sons, Ciel and Astre. Ciel is the star of the show, the biggest and brightest. His acts include knife throwing, magic, and good old fashion card tricks, made even more impressive by his blindness. Even with the crowds dwindling, he's not ready to move out from center stage. Especially not for the rookie new act. Astre is bored to death. The circus has been the same for years. Same people, same acts, same crippling anxiety that keeps him from performing. People try to make the circus seem spectacular, but to Astre it's just dull, everyday life. Astre has a difficult time making friends due to his inability to speak. Heavy angst, some dark themes, slow burn, past Snake/Astre. (Chapters TBD)

Rumors – Famous AU. Modern setting. A model and a rockstar couple, how original. Sebastian and his band are at the top of their game. Everyone wants to interview them, the paparazzi won’t leave them alone, and rumors fly in an instant. Ciel’s a well-known heir and model, finally making his first semi-public appearance since he was held for ransom. People want his story, at least what they can’t already see. Ciel is never without his eyepatch and gloves, he refuses to talk about that day. He attempts to move forward with his modeling career. Ciel hasn’t been laid in years, of course he won’t turn down the handsome rock star that approaches him at a party. For Sebastian it’s been…a few days. Sebastian has never had a serious relationship, but Ciel interests him. Sebastian invites Ciel to join them on their mini tour. Ciel would have to leave behind the security of his home and his own personal bodyguard for the first time in years. It’s all sex (a lot of sex), drugs, and rock n roll. Sebastian and Ciel try to navigate a relationship they must hide. Both are on the edge of self-destruction. Angst, intense themes, trauma, drug use, self-harm, eating disorders, mostly hurt/barely comfort, betrayal, lots of smut, hopeful ending. (9 chapters)

Bloody Bastian – American Mary AU. Modern setting. Sebastian is a surgical student getting ready to start his residency. Med school isn’t cheap, financial aid didn’t even cover books and materials and his bills were piling up. It was difficult to locate a job that would work with his schedule. He finds an ad that a local strip club has posted. They state women or men can apply, it’s worth a shot. Sebastian enters the club. It looks clean enough, not just a hole in the wall that won’t pay minimum wage. The owner, Bard, takes an interest in Sebastian even though he seems overly qualified. Sebastian’s schooling comes in handy as he becomes involved with illegal surgeries that pay fast cash. He remembers his vow to, “do no harm,” but when do the lines blur? His world becomes tangled in revenge and body modifications. Bard pines over Sebastian and will do whatever it takes to make him happy. Detective Ciel Phantomhive is investigating the disappearance of Sebastian’s previous professor. How long before the pressure causes Sebastian to crack? Dark fic, graphic content, angst, murder, non-con, trauma, slight Sebard and Sebaciel. Vague/open ending. (7 chapters)

Razor’s Edge – Black Swan AU. Modern setting. Ciel has finally landed the role as the Swan Queen. Sebastian, an award-winning dancer from England is to be Prince Siegfried. What could possibly go wrong? Nothing bonds two people in a blooming romance like covering up a murder. Stress is high on the duo as it is. A shadow from the past seems to follow Ciel. Sebastian may have signed himself up to be Ciel’s unofficial bodyguard as threats rise. Dark fic, open ended ending. (7 chapters)

In the Woods Somewhere – College AU with Bird!Bastian. Modern setting. Ciel Phantomhive has been murdered…or at least he would have been if he didn’t make a deal with a strange man from the forest. The man who becomes known as Sebastian finds himself trapped on the surface level. The fine print of Ciel’s contract has bound him for the entire ten years. Ciel is a sickly human that could benefit from someone like Sebastian, if he’s willing to be his student. Ciel is missing half a year’s worth of his memory and can’t recall who tried to murder him or why. Sebastian follows Ciel around campus and attempts to help solve his murder. Between classes Sebastian teaches Ciel a little magic. They visit the woods often for Sebastian to stretch his wings and Ciel to take nature photos. Ciel would have never guessed he’d fall for this strange, bird demon or that it would be reciprocated. Mystery, humor, magic, hurt/comfort, whump (Chapters TBD)

Break Your Halo – Angel/demon AU. Modern setting. After a church collapses three survivors are sent to the hospital. Two civilians are unconscious and in critical condition while the priest is awake. He demands to know if the basement is still intact because “it” must not be let out. Both civilians begin to heal impossibly fast and without their memory. They go by Ciel and Sebastian. They are put in a semi-private room and become friends. They start noticing some odd things and confide in one another. The doctors would think they’re crazy, they already think there’s something wrong with them. They were both at death’s door and overnight they’ve healed as if they’ve been there for months. Maybe they aren’t human, they need answers. Whump, smut (5 chapters)

Nymph – Canon divergent AU.Ciel sleeps with everyone except Sebastian and Sebastian is not having it, that’s it, that’s the fic. Adult Ciel being hit with all the urges he missed in his teens. Every chapter starts out with a frustrated Sebastian complaining in his journal. Yes, a demon keeping a journal is cracky. Some humor, but mostly smut. Ciel/Finny, Ciel/Bard, Ciel/Mey-Rin, Ciel/Soma/Agni, Ciel/Snake, Ciel/Undertaker, Ciel/Charles Grey, Ciel/Nina (8 chapters)

Phantom – Phantom of the Opera AU. Set in 1880s France. Sebastian finally debuts as the star the “angel” trained him to be. He has devoted his life to music and the voice he’d talk to in the dead of night. Sebastian is pleasantly surprised to find out his childhood love, Bard, is one of the opera house’s biggest patrons. Their reunion doesn’t go unnoticed. Sebastian is visited by his angel of music, and he is much more flesh and blood and possessive than Sebastian imagined. Soma is not taking being knocked down a peg well. The audience comes to see him and his darling Agni, not Sebastian. Soma won’t play nice, but what does he do when he’s faced with the man behind the mirror? This opera ghost won’t go without a fight. Bard desperately wants to free Sebastian, yet Sebastian doesn’t want to be freed. Angst, smut, dark elements. Sebaciel and Sebard. Background Soma/Agni. (Chapters TBD)

Slice of the Scalpel – Nip/tuck AU. Modern setting. Brothers Sebastian and Claude run a plastic surgery practice. They have very different ideas of beauty, which helps build their clientele. Sebastian prefers to enhance natural beauty and balance what is already there. Claude prefers to alter and exaggerate things beyond clients’ wildest dreams. Receptionist and Sebastian’s boyfriend, Ciel, is eager to start his schooling to be an anesthetist. Angst, drama, smut, humor. (Chapters TBD)

I Like U for Your Brainz – izombie AU. Modern setting. A newly turned zombie, Sebastian, is a medical examiner working under Ciel’s leadership. Together they try to find a cure for zombies as well as solve murder cases with detective William T. Spears. Sebastian had to leave his old life behind him, give up his dream of being a surgeon, his fiancé Bard, even his sister he keeps at a distance. His extremely extroverted roommate, Soma, must work even harder to cheer him up. Sebastian would give anything to be human again or at least to have someone besides his boss to talk to about being a zombie. He couldn’t be the only one out there, right? Turns out there’s someone that’s making more zombies in the hopes of getting rich and another that is plain ignorant to the problem. Angst, humor, smut, gore, happy ending. Past Seb/Bard, Seb/Agni, Ciel/Soma, Seb/Ciel, Seb/Violet, Ciel/Violet, Agni/Soma, Bard/R!Ciel, Bard/Finny (Chapters TBD)

Star Boy – Actor AU. Modern setting. Actors Ciel and Sebastian are the celebrity couple everyone’s talking about. They are known for co-staring in action movies, their chemistry was unmatched even before they started dating. Their latest film calls for more stunts, more explosions and effects, it’s over the top. Like many actors, Ciel has a stunt double, Alois. Sebastian does as well, Claude. Alois loves performing stunts and he gets along well with Ciel. He gets his own limelight doing extreme sports off set. Claude isn’t as happy with the arrangement. Sebastian gets all the fans and praise, yet Claude is the one doing the hard work. Worst of all, Sebastian gets Ciel. Sebastian doesn’t deserve the life he has, Claude is sure of that. Angst, whump, crime, dark fic. (Chapters TBD)

Another Life – Modern setting reincarnation AU. Sebastian works at an antique shop, one day Ciel comes in to shop around, looking for something “old” to gift his cousin for her wedding day. Sebastian knows he’s never seen him in the shop before, yet he seems so familiar. Oddly enough Ciel is drawn back to visit Sebastian week after week, he is compelled to. There’s a tug on the red string of fate and neither can ignore it. (Chapters TBD)

A New Heart for Christmas – Modern setting. Ciel needs a heart transplant. It’s been years and he’s finally next on the list. He’s tired of keeping batteries charged for his artificial heart and worrying about people thinking he’s dead if he passes out and doesn’t have a pulse. The twins decide to do their annual birthday outing early this year, seeing as Ciel might be recovering still on their actual birthday. His new heart comes much sooner than he anticipated and with challenges he never imagined. Whump, sad, somewhat body horror?, angst. (3 chapters)

Nightshift – Modern setting. Five Nights at Freddy’s AU. Sebastian and Ciel have been hired as night security guards to a “new” pizza joint. Sebastian only moved to the town for college, but Ciel had lived there his whole life. He knew the establishment well. How dare they reopen after what they did to him and his family. Ciel searches for answers to what happened. He knows his brother had to be murdered, he wasn’t just abducted. Sebastian helps him investigate as the restaurant comes to life. With so much dark history it’s no wonder something lingers in the background. Time is running out as opening day nears. Horror, no smut, dark themes, happy ending. (6 chapters)

Free Love – Raver AU. Modern setting. Just a big party, not a lot of plot. A bunch of smut and ships. If house music was a fanfic, this is what you’d get. Seb/Ciel(/Bard), Ciel/Alois, Ciel/Soma, Ciel/Finny, Ciel/Violet, Ciel/Snake, Ciel/Sieglinde, Ciel/Agni, Seb/Agni, Seb/Violet, Violet/Alois, Finny/Snake, Lizzie/Sieglinde, Agni/Soma(/Snake), Violet/Snake/Sieglinde (Chapters TBD)

Phantom Occult – Supernatural AU/paranormal investigators, modern setting, on indefinite hiatus. The Phantomhives have been on the road most of their lives, taking out all the nasties that go bump in the night. Vincent and his twin sons have teamed up with a half demon named Sebastian and a witch, Sieglinde. Sebastian has very little memory of his past. He was found by Vincent and Cedric (Undertaker) on one of their hunts. In search of answers, Sebastian is trying to track down his demonic father. Sebastian has proven his loyalty to the Phantomhives time and time again. He will, as Vincent’s last request, ‘look after his boys.’ Following in their father and grandfather’s footsteps the twins take on cases involving the supernatural. Vincent Jr. has his work cut out for him with Ciel’s fragile health and Sebastian’s ever changing and out of control abilities. They may need to seek out a higher being to help them and save the world from damnation. (Chapters TBD)

Phoenix – A/b/o dynamics, FBI agent AU. Modern setting. Partners Ciel and Sebastian are given a case that has similarities to Ciel’s own capture from his childhood. It puts Ciel on edge, but he’s determined to solve it. Sebastian is not the playboy alpha everyone assumes he is, he’s in fact an omega. He’s been having horrible side effects from being on suppressants since his teens. He’s never even had a heat. For his own safety his doctor forces him off suppressants for at least a year. Ciel is hurt and confused to find out his partner for the last ten years lied to him about his dynamic. It’s not long before Sebastian is hit with his first heat. What is Ciel to do? Angst, smut (5 chapters)

Thought Contagion – Cyborg sci-fi AU. Future setting. Sebastian wakes up in the storage section of a lab. Half of his body has been transformed, he’s now a cyborg. He breaks through the facility and finds Ciel in the process of his brain being programed. Sebastian rescues him and they flee the factory. On the outside they discover the horrors of their government and what is being done to the citizens. They befriend rebels and try to take back control. (Chapters TBD)

T’hy’la – Star Trek AU. Future setting. Sci-fi. Captain Ciel Phantomhive and his half Vulcan second-in-command, Sebastian, explore space with their small crew. Slow burn sebaciel. (Chapters TBD)

Aquamarine – Merman Ciel AU. Modern setting. Sebastian whump, Ciel takes care of him. Crime, magic, and smut. (4 chapters)

Voltron:

Atlas Ocean Rescue – Merman Shiro AU. Modern setting. Keith works as a marine life vet at a rehabilitation clinic. He saves merman Shiro and develops a crush on him. Cute friendships, humor, healing, growth, a dash of smut and gore/whump. Slight angst with happy ending. (9 chapters)

Empire – Royalty AU. Set on Altea, not Earth. Shklance with trans Lance and cis Keith. Love triangles, magic, betrayals, war, planets coming together, and a healthy dose of smut. Ends with a wedding. (8 chapters)

Affinity – Modern setting. Shiro hasn’t adjusted well since his new diagnosis, so he joins a support group recommended by his doctor. Keith has been going to group reluctantly for years. His seizures are somewhat under control. He has the company of his service dog, Kosmo, but he’s otherwise alone. Both of their lives are turning out far different than they ever envisioned. Will they give love a chance? Slow burn. Cis Keith. (9 chapters)

The Eighth House – Modern setting. Werewolf Shiro and vampire Keith AU. Shiro is a newly turned werewolf and Keith volunteers to help him. Keith was turned into a vampire in the 80’s. Keith’s best friend, Lance, is also a vampire. They hang out at a supernatural bar that’s run by ex-hunters. Lots of blood and some smut. (8 chapters)

Zombie – Zombie apocalypse AU. Modern setting. After Shiro is labeled as a burden, him and Keith are kicked out from their community. Keith must take care of Shiro and find a new shelter or community for them to join. They find one run by a sadistic creep that was a cult leader pre-apocalypse. It’s not ideal, but where else can they turn? Keith plots to overthrow the tyrant as soon as he can, for everyone’s sake. Angst, whump, gore, smut, dark elements, happy ending. (5 chapters)

As Many Times as It Takes – Canon divergent AU. Keith goes feral and must be confined for everyone’s safety. The team works to find an antidote for Keith. Shiro tries to get his husband to remember their life together as well as remind him how to be human. Hurt/comfort. (3 chapters.)

Euphoria – A/b/o AU. Modern setting. Keith Is a hopeless afab alpha that seems to want the impossible. He’s not attracted to the stereotypical omega and his last relationship with another alpha left him with literal scars. He decides to try out a match service that’s prided itself on hard to match cases. Shiro is tired of being rejected and his body is telling him he desperately needs a mate. It doesn’t matter that he is no longer fertile, his omega body didn’t get the memo. With irregular and intense heats, infertility, being a large omega, and a list of ‘flaws’ a mile long Shiro has been the one unmatched client the service can’t seem to help. Owners Allura and Lance have become family to him and are personally invested in finding a mate for him. Keith and Shiro could be perfect for each other if only they allow themselves to be happy. (6 chapters.)

Club Atlas – Scent club a/b/o AU. Modern setting. A new alpha, Shiro, arrives at a scent club under recommendation by his therapist. Following a serious accident Shiro lost his sense of smell. When it eventually came back everything was overwhelming. He could barely handle his own scent and couldn’t leave his house. His anxiety and trauma have caused his life to spiral out of his control. A scent club is the perfect place to go to for exposure therapy. Omega scents are naturally calming to an alpha, booths are well sealed and private, and clubs take care to thoroughly remove scents of previous clients between rounds. Shiro meets Lance and Keith, two of the omegas that work at the club. They interview him and add him to their client list. Lance is always enthusiastic about his job, he loves it. Keith on the other hand isn’t too fond of the job or being an omega. But there’s something about this client that he likes. Maybe he can make a real difference in someone’s life. Angst, a lot of smut, brief klance. (5 chapters.)

Compliance – Kidnapped AU. Modern setting. Shiro is held captive by his long-lost twin brother Ryou. After going into the adoption system as infants, they were split up. Shiro wasn’t aware he had a twin until he was staring him in the face. Apparently, Ryou had been keeping tabs on him from afar for over a year. He happened to access Shiro’s patient file and felt he could do a better job taking care of Shiro than his current doctors were. Ryou only wants the best for his brother and that means he can’t leave his sight. Still, he does have to work, and being confined he knows Shiro is bound to get lonely. Ryou decides he should get a boyfriend for Shiro, and he found the perfect one. Keith has been recently released from the psych ward. He had no family or friends. He was fired from his job and probably couldn’t even pay for his hospital bill or antidepressants he clearly needed. They could keep each other company. Their living quarters would be cozy, the basement wasn’t tiny by any means…but two people trapped on the same floor, they’d have to share. Ryou wasn’t a monster, the basement was nicer than any apartment that either could afford. The chains were temporary, an exercise of trust if you will. They’ve had yet to earn his. Dark fic OBVIOUSLY (Chapters TBD)

Strength in Gentleness – Shiatsu massage therapist & Reiki master Shiro/autistic Keith. Modern setting. Keith often hangs out at his mom’s work. Recently her and Kolivan’s business has moved location and joined with Allura’s salon. They also hired a new bodyworker that Keith develops a crush on. Fluffy, slice of life, hurt/comfort, humor. Music heavy, I kid you not, every chapter will have a playlist. Lots of cute Krolia and Keith moments. Giving all “The Blades” a happy lifetime. Probably the fluffiest thing I’ll ever write. It won’t be 100% free of trauma, but Shiro has healed and Keith and Krolia have processed their grief. Anxiety and meltdowns can get a bit intense. (Chapters TBD)

The Ring – Boxer Shiro/body worker-therapist Keith. Modern setting. Cute and smutty. Slight whump cause boxing injuries. (Chapters TBD)

Galaxy University – College AU, teacher Shiro/student Keith. Modern setting. Angst. (Chapters TBD)

Vanitas no carte:

I Trust you to Kill Me – Canon divergent AU. Vanitas turns into a vampire. All he knows is his craving for blood has taken over his life. He’s not a curse bearer but he fears he might as well be. Worse yet, he can no longer assist Jeanne, he tries to obtain a solution that works for them both. Noé confesses his feelings and tries to keep Vanitas alive. Angst, whump, smut, romance. Vanoe, possible vanijeanne (Chapters TBD)

[triptychgrip]

Yurio's post-canon maturation

In the latest chapter of my 2018/2022 Olympic Games Yuri!!! on Ice fic -- which takes place on the day of the Men's Singles Free Skate at the 2022 Beijing Games -- I was able to delve into one of my favorite topics to write about: Yurio's post-canon maturation, especially with regards to his perceptions around mental health challenges (like Yuuri's anxiety).

Yuri Plisetsky is my favorite lovable gremlin, but the first time I watched YOI (age 30, I'm now 33), my gut feeling towards him was strong dislike. When he yelled at Yuuri in the bathroom at the Sochi GPF, it reminded me of the bullies from high school that made fun of me because I was a nervous wreck in gym class (I am partially blind, but that apparently didn't matter to them), and his extreme belligerence that was met with seemingly very little consequences would never have flown in the extremely strict South Asian family that I was raised in.

If either of my parents had caught wind of the fact that I'd ever dared to call someone a pig...I shudder to think of the reaction. I honestly think I resented Yuri a little for his brashness.

In becoming more familiar with YOI, I grew to love his character and was able to pick up on nuances of his development that I'd failed to the first time around. He's been really rewarding to write about in my "Gold's On The Inside" fic-verse (which is at 300K+ words and counting!), and I love being able to show the protective side of him that occasionally flares up when it comes to Yuuri, but also when it comes to Viktor (who in my series, becomes his coach once Yakov retires in 2019).

Below is an excerpt from the latest chapter (#19) that I really loved writing.

It depicts a scene that takes place just before Yurio helps Yuuri through a panic attack (which is a full-circle event, considering some earlier events in the story). I won't give things away in terms of spoilers that take place in the previous chapter, but just know that something happens to Viktor on the day of the Free Skate that causes Yuuri's anxiety to skyrocket even more than it typically would, considering competition nerves (and the fact that 2022 Olympics mark Yuuri's final competition prior to retirement).

As an FYI re: original character names you'll see in this excerpt, 'Suko' refers to the name of Yuuri's therapist, while 'Ianna' is the name of Yuuri's close friend (and Mila's coach). 'Lakernik" refers to the Vice-President of the International Skating Union.

I hope this overview piques your interest in checking out this fic, or my other Yuri!!! on Ice work ----

Katsudon was literally gasping for air like a drowning man into Meni’s fur, full-body shaking under the weight of his distress. Ianna had begun speaking a bit louder, so Yuri now knew that she’d been trying to run him through some of the breathing exercises that Suko usually had him do.

“As you can see, Mr. Lakernik, I’m rather preoccupied,” Ianna snapped in answer, adopting an uncharacteristically impatient tone. “I wasn’t the only one close by. Otabek Altin was there, too, and I’m sure he’d be more than willing to give his account.”

He stiffened at his best friend’s name, knowing Beka had been texting him these last few minutes. He wondered how he was faring amidst the uncertainty.

“Yes, President Dijkema is speaking with Mr. Altin now, but I’m sure you understand that we need to be able to corroborate the details with as many people as possible,” Lakernik countered, sounding equally impatient.

He hesitated for a second, and then casted an unmistakably derisive glance in Yuuri’s direction.

“Provided they’re not, erm…indisposed,” he went on.

A plume of rage flared to life in Yuri’s stomach, and it was all he could do to prevent himself from stomping over to make it known.

Years ago, he might have made a similarly demeaning comment, but his teenage self had been a bit of a judgmental idiot that’d been completely clueless when it came to anxiety.

And not only in terms of understanding that it manifested for Katsudon as a disorder that affected his day-to-day life, but also in comprehending how he was the very opposite of weak for struggling with it.

Yuuri had told him shortly after dedushka had died – during the three month period of yawning emptiness when Yuri had started to experience his own, albeit infrequent panic attacks – that his anxiety sometimes made him feel like his feet were made of lead.

Like no matter how hard he tried to move them when his music started, that it felt like he had to expend gargantuan effort to lift them by even a fraction of an inch off of the ice.

To think…even as Katsudon’s mind told him that his feet were welded to his skates, he managed to lift them, anyway.

At times after a panic attack, his movements – by his own admission – were stiff and rote, devoid of his innate musicality. But then at other times, Yuuri truly did seem to create a chorus with his body, to the extent that a surreal weightlessness gilded his every turn, jump, and glide.

But in either case: he showed up. Katsudon pushed onwards.

So how dare this fucking idiot try to diminish him for his struggle?

Something on Yuri’s face must have betrayed his indignation, because now Celestino was gripping his wrist.

[marclef]

hello there.

today's post is a very special one. and, despite this being the Official Funny Heeheehaha Day, this post is only SEMI-jokey. but i have put it underneath a readmore anyways, as it is both pretty long and to save the eyes of anyone who couldn't care less. thank you.

and now, without further ado:

Why I Believe a Goddamn Hatsune Miku Mod for Sonic Mania Helped Inspire The Noise (that fucker from Pizza Tower).

so. let's begin.

the year is 2018. about a year after the release of Sonic Mania, Sega's love letter to classic Sonic fans, one very special mod for this game emerges from the depths.

this is Sonic Mania & Hatsune Miku, a mod which does.... probably exactly what you're imagining. but it's a surprisingly deep and well-crafted mod, changing the games titular character into our beloved Vocaloid singer while also changing sprites around and generally turning the mod into an anime/meme-filled mess. but, that's not the main reason we're here.

this is the mod's answer to Stardust Speedway, a classic Sonic zone from Sonic CD.

most of Act 1 is fairly standard affair, some light references to other stuff hidden throughout the backgrounds, and a couple suspiciously Domino's Pizza-themed sprite edits here and there. but, come Act 2, the references sudden creep in more and more. ..... as well as, a suspiciously familiar face.

those who know about Hatsune Miku and Domino's might be getting where this is about to go.

now, for standard Sonic Mania fare, the main boss of this zone's Act 2 is Metal Sonic, fittingly guarding the very zone he was battled in from Sonic CD. but of course, this is our beloved Hatsune Miku mod. we can't have that.

instead, we have Him.

Domino's beloved (?) mascot of the 1980's, The Noid himself. now, probably seems like a random reference, unless you remember the Hatsune Miku collaboration that Domino's did years ago. but i'm not here to argue about Domino's mascots. i'm here, to spread the truth.

now, the music most associated with Metal Sonic, the boss replaced here, is Stardust Speedway Act 2's theme, specifically the Japanese Bad Future version, given here for reference.

we're getting back to Pizza Tower i swear.

but anyways, the very opening bits of this song, specifically the siren-like sounds. might sound a bit familiar to avid Pizza Tower fans now, doesn't it?

take a good listen to the opening of The Noise's battle theme, Pumpin' Hot Stuff.

hear those same sounds?

now, it might just be coincidence. perhaps i'm simply assuming that, given Peppino and Noise's rivalry, a simple little reference to Sonic was put in here to hammer that point in. there's no way this little Hatsune Miku-themes mod could've had any impact on that!

UNTIL!!!

some of you may know, that in a 2019 interview with McPig, creator of Pizza Tower, the man himself dropped a crucial piece of info that ties my entire theory together:

.... Hatsune Miku bootleg, you say? and, given that the mod for Sonic Mania came out in 2018, it certainly could've been an inspiration, given that Snick exists as well...

so perhaps, my little theory here is a bit-farfetched. maybe, i'm just overblowing things a bit just because that's the way my brain is. but i implore you, fellow Pizza fans, to hear me out here.

Thank Hatsune Miku today for giving us this disgusting little man here.

(artwork courtesy of my friend @abbyroseflame24)

thank you.

[mistpodfics]

Podfic Stats 2023 by MistbornHero. Included some covers I liked that had no reason to be put on the Stats page.

Descriptions & Links under the Read More.

Total Works: 152 Total Words: 207,838

122 solo works

9 multivoices (edited or produced by me)

13 multivoice roles (works where I participated in a voice only role)

2 not!fics

5 repods (which are also solo works)

1 filk

Total Time: 33 hours with 38 minutes. (Or, one day and 9 hours with 38 minutes)

Authors Podficced: 148

Fandoms Podficced: 56

Longest Chaptered Work: Like Fire in our Bones | +4 hours | Incomplete

Longest One-Shot Work: "Twin Flame" written by @insi | 1 hour 30 minutes

Shortest One-Shot Work: "Trapped" written by @melimegreenleaf | 56 seconds

All Time Totals & Comparison between each year

Total “Solo” Works: 420

2018 - 6 podfics

2019 - 21 podfics

2020 - 73 podfics

2021 - 60 podfics

2022 - 111 podfics

2023 - 152 podfics

Total “Solo” Works Time: 131 hours and 56 minutes

2018 - 1 hour and 34 minutes

2019 - 12 hours and 25 minutes

2020 - 21 hours and 12 minutes

2021 - 22 hours

2022 - 1 day and 16 hours

2023 - 1 day and 9 hours

Top 3 Ships:

CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi

Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya

Lucy Carlyle/Anthony Lockwood

Top 5 Fandoms:

33 | 9:17 hours | Star Wars

6 | 2:30 hours | Bungou Stray Dogs

11 | 2:00 hours | DCU / Batman

4 | 1:40 hours | One Piece

7 | 1:20 hours | Lockwood & Co (this could have been Zelda by 3 mins, but Zelda is only here from ITPE and L&Co is here by my own obsession)

Rating Divisions:

82 General

47 Teen & Up

7 Mature

3 Explicit

1 Not Rated

Category:

57 Gen

44 M/M

25 F/M

20 Multi

12 F/F

7 Other

Significant Works:

First: "in which Qui-Gon Jinn learns why he should not make Obi-Wan upset" written by MiriRainbowitz | @dammmithardison | 11 minutes

Last: "The Air That I Need" written by FunkyinFishnet | @dinomighty | 21 minutes

300th: "Explosion" written by yeaka | @yeaka | 9 minutes (I also got to 350)

Most Music: "Domestic Trappings" written by zombified_queer | @zombified-queer | 26 minutes (I know it sounds like 2ish songs, but I under-laid like 3 extra ones under it)

Most SFX: "Divide & Conquer" written by impersonal_villain | @impersonal-villain | 31 minutes (this might have been Death Wish if that fic had been longer lmao)

Most Kudos: "I've never made it with moderation" written by Trixree | @trixree | 3 hours and 11 minutes

Most Words In Top Ship: "Kill Me With Desire" written by jynx | @bluemaskedkarma | 1 hour and 12 minutes (I'm manipulating my stats to make this fic show up, yes)

Drabbles made: "its", "Trade Secrets", "After the Rescinding", "Cicatrix", "Not for Us", "Protection", "Reason to Live", "tea, milk & honey", "Infinite", "Looking Good", "Ruffled Feathers", "keep out", "string", "tri-confession showdown", "video game night", "Pull Me Closer", "Friends", "Skip", "The Unspoken Hour", "mi hijo", "Three", "Go Jump in a Lake", "Dia de muertos", "Trapped", "A Familiar Scent", "dream", "Fallout", "Olives", "Sound", "Spells", "not a third-wheel", "New Resolve", "A List of Ordinary Miracles", "Is That a Weird Cucco?", "Just a princess", "be the lightning in me"

[soaog]

Soggy reads: Münkler, Herfried - Marx, Wagner, Nietzsche. Welt im Umbruch (2021)

(It's another Münkler. I do actually think quite highly of him.)

Biographies are good. It might sound like I am regurgitating the great man theory, but if I want to get a feel for a certain place and/or period, the way to go is to read the biography of a pivotal figure and then branch out from there. In fact, here is a short list of biographies I've read in recent years that I've enjoyed;

Jackson, Julian - A Certain Idea of France. The Life of Charles de Gaulle (2018)

Steinberg, Jonathan - Bismarck. A Life (2011)

McPhee, Peter - Robespierre. A Revolutionary Life (2012)

Scurr, Ruth - Fatal Purity. Robespierre and the French Revolution (2006)

Siemann, Wolfram - Metternich. Strategist and Visionary (2019)

... and yeah, I'm really not beating the Great Man allegations.

So, I've read this one in fits and spurs over a period of months whenever I've had some idle time downstairs waiting on my father. As such, my recollection of it is maybe not as good as it ought to be. On top of that, it certainly doesn't help that I am a pseud who has at most a passing familiarity with the oeuvre of the three figures concerned. But, hey, starting points, right?

At first blush I did not think these three people had very much at all in common besides the fact that they are roughly contemporaries, and indeed, the interactions between them are sparse to the point of non-existence. But as it turns out you can fill 720 pages, hardcover to hardcover, with the parallels in their lives. If you for whatever reason just need three 19th century German guys battling health problems, the German nation-building process and messianic delusions; voila, there are your men. All three ended up in their own ways intimately involved with the attempted revolutions of 1848/49, were inextricably shaped by them and forced in one way or another to find a new way of life both for themselves and their respective field because of them.

They also all kind of ended up dependent on the financial, but more saliently, the intellectual patronship of somebody else to help elevate their life's work to the lofty heights of canon. Marx famously had Engels do double duty, Wagner was substantially funded by King Ludwig II. of Bavaria (better known for Neuschwanstein), his family squats on his work to this day and Nietzsche's apparently came to us chiefly through his sister who, because she was sort of an insane Nazi to the point of co-founding an "Aryan" settler colony in Paraguay, shaped it in such a way that at least initially ended up also being primarily received by other insane Nazis, so that's something you want to be careful about if you ever undertake some sort of intellectual project of your own.

I don't know, I thought it was enjoyable. It'd definitely have benefitted from me having more of an education to begin with (but what wouldn't), but even without it, you get a bit of a feel for why this place is like this from the vantage point of its nutty Poets and Thinkers.

[ali-writes-things]

One Shot - LAWKIT

THREE YEARS, TEN MONTHS, AND TWO WEEKS AGO

December 20th, 2018

Mallory:

Four vodka lemonades on an empty stomach was probably a bad idea. But of course, it's one of those things that didn't feel like a poor choice until after you've already done it.

And I'd already done it.

Oh well, we're this far. Might as well keep going. Tomorrow was going to be rough as it was. What's another drink?

I sidled up to the bar and slid onto one of the many empty bar stools in my favorite dive bar on campus. Of course, because I'm ridiculously graceful when I've had a few, as I adjusted myself on the seat, I slammed into something on my right.

"Oof!"

I hopped off the bar stool and rushed over to the man on the ground. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!"

He stood up and brushed his hands on his pants as he turned toward me (I didn't even want to think about what kind of substances he'd just touched from the floor). "No harm, no foul. I probably deserved it."

I laughed a little nervously. "Well, I don't know about that." Something about his face looked vaguely familiar. Which, after going to the same university for 4 years, wasn't saying much. There was just a likely a chance that I knew him from a lecture hall freshman year - that he'd claimed an unofficial assigned seat for the semester somewhat near mine - as it was that I'd been introduced to him before. "Hey, don't I know you? Your blurred figure looks familiar."

He laughed and I thought I could spend my whole life trying to hear that sound again. "We're in the same discussion group for Stinson's Victorian Literature class."

I hit my forehead (and if I'm being completely honest with myself, I hit my forehead way too hard. Like, "that's gonna leave a mark" too hard). "That's right. Joey!"

His smile grew. "Joel."

"Duh, Joel. I knew that." I paused and held out my hand. "I'm Mallory!"

"I know."

I slid back onto my bar stool and Joel did the same. I ordered another vodka lemonade from Tony the bartender (probably not a great sign that I was on a first name basis with the guy) and turned to face my new friend. "So what brings you out tonight?"

"Nothing really. I finished my last exam and came out with some friends for trivia."

I glanced around the room. "We're the only people in here."

"Well, they left after we lost horribly." He laughed. "We're not very good at bar trivia, but we come every week anyway."

"You do? That's weird. So do I!" There's a pretty good chance that I said this louder than I needed to.

"Again, I know. It's not a large bar, Mal."

"On a nickname basis already, are we?"

"Why not? We've only been in 3 of the same classes over the last 2 years and I see you here every week." He paused and sipped his beer. "We're basically best friends."

I laughed. "I can live with that."

The conversation lulled as we both sipped our drinks.

"So," Joel started. "It would seem that your friends left you as well."

"Yeah, they weren't all done with the semester, so they went back to the library." I paused. "I don't live far from here, so they're only kind of assholes for leaving me here on my own."

There's that laugh again. "Well, how about we finish this round and then I'll walk you home?"

I smiled. "That sounds great."

THREE YEARS, EIGHT MONTHS, AND TWO WEEKS AGO

February 22nd, 2019

Joel:

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Could you, like, say something?"

I took my head out of my hands and looked at Mallory. She was standing in the middle of my living room and wringing her hands like she was trying to pull them off her wrists.

"Are you sure?" I asked, even though I knew she was.

Mal laughed without humor and pointed to the Ziploc bag next to me on the couch. Three tests with two pink lines stared back at me. "Yeah, pretty sure."

"I can't believe this." I ran my hands through my hair.

I really need a haircut...God, NOT NOW, JOEL. Focus.

"You and me both, buddy."

She moved to sit next to me on the couch, tucking her legs under her and grabbing the nearest throw pillow. She hugged the pillow to her chest and looked over at me. I could see the tears building behind her eyes. Her voice broke as she asked me, "What am I going to do?"

I. What am I going to do?

Not we. Not you. Not us.

I.

She was giving me an out. Our one night stand turned awkward acquaintance came to this...and she was giving me an out?

Did I want it? I'm only 22. This isn't exactly what I foresaw giving myself as a graduation present.

Maybe a new set of AirPods. Certainly not a kid.

I'd been quiet too long. I could see out of the corner of my eye that Mallory was starting to squirm and if I left it too much longer, she'd be up and out of here.

In that moment I knew what I had to do.

I grabbed her hand between both of mine and waited until she lifted her gaze to mine. "No, Mal, what are we going to do?"

Well, that did it. The dam broke. Now she was full out sobbing on my couch.

I just hope that Paul doesn't come home right now. "Hey buddy. How was class? By the way, this is Mallory, my baby mama." Nope, nope, nope.

"You don't have to do this," she choked out between sobs. "This isn't your problem if you don't want it to be."

My gut instinct was to say, "It's not a problem." But she and I would both know that was a lie.

"You barely know me," Mallory continued. "We can't raise a baby together. What if we have completely different values!?"

"I'm not sure that's the first thing we should be considering in this moment," I said with a small smile.

It worked. Now instead of crying, she was hysterically laughing.

"Wow. Is this something I have to look forward to for the next 7 months?"

"Only if you want it to be."

THREE YEARS, FIVE MONTHS, AND TWO WEEKS AGO

May 30th, 2019

Joel:

"Honestly, Joel, I don't mind if you want to go out. Like, I don't plan on getting up from this couch for the next 3 days, but you totally can."

"What? And miss the penultimate episode of Hell's Kitchen?" I adjusted myself on the couch next to her and pulled her swollen foot onto my lap. I began to massage slowly and a moan actually escaped her lips. "Will Gordon Ramsey yell at someone? Will anyone cook the risotto right?"

She laughed and I felt like I'd won a little victory.

"But you graduated!"

"So did you," I countered.

"I know, but..." She gestured to the unmistakable baby bump under her t-shirt.

"Mal, if you're not going out, I'm not going out," I dug a little deeper into the sole of her foot and her moan was louder that time. "We can celebrate together after this little one is here."

She hesitated. "But this is just on Hulu! This season aired years ago." Mal grabbed her phone and unlocked it. "Like, I could look up right now who wins."

I shoved her phone back into her lap. "Don't you dare ruin this for me, Locke!"

"Okay, Finley, you win." She paused and settled back into the couch, unconciously placing her hands on her stomach. "We'll stay in."

Point: Joel.

"But can we order Ian's? I have a real hankering for Mac N Cheese pizza."

"We can get whatever you want. You're the one growing a human."

Mallory smiled softly. "I am...aren't I?"

THREE YEARS, ONE MONTH, AND TWO WEEKS AGO

September 7th, 2019

Mallory:

"Mom, mom wake up!"

Okay, that might have been a little aggressive. Let's try that again.

"Mom...mummy...mommy dearest." I shook her a little and suddenly her arms flew up in the air. I had to jump back to avoid being hit in the face. "Whoa!"

My mom's eyes shot open as she slowly woke up and took in her surroundings. "Mallory! What in God's...what are you doing?"

"Joel and I are headed to the hospital..." I paused and grinned at my mom. "It's time."

My mom threw the covers off and jumped from bed. "What? I'll grab my go bag."

Of course my mother had packed her own hospital bag.

I laughed and pushed her back down. "No, mom, it could be hours. I just didn't want you to wake up and be worried. Joel will call you when they're here."

"I want to come," she argued. "It's my grandbaby."

A small smile came over my lips as I remembered my mom's original reaction when I told her I was having a baby with a boy I barely knew...and was due just months after I was going to graduate college.

Let's just say she was not quite as supportive as she seemed this evening.

"That's..." Oh. My God. "Owwwwwww." I bent over and placed my hands on the edge of my mom's bed as I rode through yet another contraction.

You might think that as time went on, they would get easier because you're used to it.

You'd be wrong.

There's JUST enough time between contractions that you forget the pain, and it's like the first time all over again.

"Mallory!" Joel's voice floated up the stairs. "Mal!"

"I'm...fine!" I got out as the contraction ended. I looked back at my mom and gave her a hug. "We'll see you soon." I paused. “All three of us.”

– Several Hours Later --

"I don't know why they always show women screaming and writhing in the movies. Once the drugs kick in this is easy as pie."

Joel laughed as he tucked me into the hospital bed for about the tenth time in just as many minutes. "I'm just glad you stopped squeezing my hand every two minutes. I thought you were going to tear it right off."

"You told me to squeeze it!" I said defensively.

"Well, I didn't realize that you'd take the task so seriously. I still can't feel my pinky."

"I'm sorry," I said sheepishly.

"It's fine. I'll know for next time." His eyes shot wide as what he said sunk in, but just as I was about to respond a doctor came into the room.

"Time to check Mallory again," she said as she rubbed her hands together in a futile attempt to warm them up before pressing them against my skin. The doctor spread my legs and as she came out from under the blanket, she was smiling. "We're ready to push."

[accio-victuuri]

cpn: assorted candies 🍭🍬

I had to take a sunday “rest” ( lol not really ) with the cpn post but now i’m back. for bxgs only. here’s your monday treat. let’s all work hard together this week! 💪🏻

• Hotpot - This is just clowning okay, but in one of the fan-taken shots of GG during OOL, a hotpot restaurant was there. The same place has a branch in Changsha which Web visited. CPN is that GG might have told Web about seeing hotpot place so Web tried it as well with TTXS crew.

BXGs are connecting this to the well-known fake rumor of a 2019 Double 11 Hotpot Dinner. Fans are saying they ate at this same place together. I also saw comments that the both of them stayed at a different hotel from all the other participants. They seem to like doing that huh— staying in their own place.

source.

• Some clues from GG’s OOL Tencent interview.

I. The part where the Q was about Gu Wei being naughty, in reference to trying to get LZX’s attention, GG said :

There are a lot of times he will tease Lin Zhixiao. He will say something to make her angry at first, and then make her happy. Is it a childish way of chasing girls? Okay, you can see for yourself.

Does this remind you of all the teasing GG/Web did during the Untamed promo in 2019? Obviously, it worked for the two of them because look at where we are now. Not even then, the play fights and endless teasing during the 2018 filming is evidence too.

II. When the question was about how to separate yourself from an emotional scene, and by extension— a role you’re playing.

For me, how can you adjust yourself after filming? I went to sleep and finished work when the director called out to stop work, and I unloaded it.

It’s interesting to see him speak about it so plainly. It’s like him saying that when the director yells cut, he is no longer Gu Wei. However, we are all familiar with how this did not apply to Untamed. The infamous character bleed he fell into. WWX was just too close to him and I guess it’s fair to speculate that his developing relationship with his LWJ did not help.

In this interview, Q: Immediately after the filming of "Chen Qing Ling", I filmed "Zhu Xian", How did you switch roles?

Answer: In fact, it took about a month to get out of the role.

even in his Elle cover back then when he was talking about his school-like ‘routine’ in Untamed set the write up said:

Everyday life is quite simple, a bit like going to school. After Xiao Zhan finished speaking, there was still a bit of nostalgia in his tone.It sounded rather sad

In this interview, towards the end too, he says the summer belongs to Untamed and WWX had such a big impact on him. 🤍 I mean, anyone who calls themselves a “fan” and keeps on implying that GG somehow wants to distance himself to being WWX clearly does not understand GG. It’s his titular role and I know the chaos that came with it but it doesn’t change the fact that GG is is no way, shape or form ashamed of having played WWX.

III. This exchange right here : 🎨

Q: Do you any special way of expressing longing?

XZ: Drawing

Q: Have you drawn anything lately?

XZ: I’ve been constantly drawing

Following the timeline of this interview, August 2020, we can see what type of “artworks” GG posted at that time. Most of them with CPN ties and others are much more emotional. This shows that he expresses himself in his art and it’s really not unreasonable to think that he hides clues in it too.

This also reminds me of a fake rumor that goes:

Mr. Xiao gave Mr. Wang a small notebook. I don't know what's inside, but Mr. Xiao said it's very convenient to carry.

Popular speculation is that it has GG’s drawings in it that he gave Web. or something they can write/draw things in and exchange with each other.

IV. The bit about wanting to go skydiving. It’s not the first time they both said they wanted to do it. I hope they get to someday 🙏🏼 well actually there was a fake rumor back in 12/2019 that talked about them already planning a skydiving trip.

• Yibo Official and XZS is at it again with similar things in their post. They truly are dating. They have my blessing. 😌

• Also some people went 👀 with the three dots. cpn interpretation is it means i miss you. feel free to not believe this one. Hahahahahaha!

• There is a scene in OOL where GW and LZX go to a convenience store. This brings backs a repo shared before about a fan who worked on the OOL crew. They shared about GG shooting that location and even included a photo.

Here is an excerpt of the candy. Treat this as fake. OP started by saying GG looked sad or maybe tired because of filming.

I saw gg took a bag of potato chips, I thought he wanted to buy it directly. after taking it, you can see him smiling at the potato chips. he took a photo of it. After finishing, put it back to the original place, take the mobile phone and send WeChat (because it is just to watch typing posture). He was laughing and typing ten. There seems to be no reply from the other side. I looked at the snack area for about 5 minutes. (...) There is a voice over the chair, I think it must be the person you are waiting for. GG had a smile. Then after the play, GG immediately asked the assistant to look at the phone. GG was smiling after Listening to the voice.

That’s all for now clowns. 🍭

[jikookuntold]

It’s not the first time I’m seeing anons claiming Jikook don’t live together anymore, assuming they did before, but am I the only one who thought that they didn’t live together until a few months ago but now suspect they do? What I mean is, we used to know where Jungkook live, and for some time he rented a flat in Nineone just like Mimi and Namjoon indeed. So Jikook riding together constantly together at that time made sense, as they were coming from/going to the same location, same reason we saw Mimi and Namjoon sharing a car. It could easily be brushed off because they had their homes in the same complex. But now Jungkook is indeed the only one whose home location we don’t know about, we just know he’s not renting in Nineone anymore, so wouldn’t it be suspicious now if they continued riding together consistently? Considering other things and Jimin’s being really familiar with Bam or staying extremely discreet when it comes to his own place too, I tend to think they might live together now. To me it would make more sense that they do now and are keeping it on the down low. Just my 2 cts, I didn’t give much thoughts about it so maybe my theory doesn’t match some facts, in the end not that important anyway.

Hi, Anon. The information you gave about Nine-one is true. JK rented an apartment there in early 2020 (he sold Trimage at the same time), and the next year, magically, Jimin bought a house at the exact same complex, while some residents of the complex had spotted Jikook there several times. When the news of Jimin buying Nine-One became public, K-Kookminers were celebrating because it was a confirmation for Jikook living together, and it truly was a confirmation, after all the things they had said and done and made everyone suspicious about their living situation. In my opinion, They are living together since 2018. They never hid it because Jimin didn't even have a house in his name, and we were supposed to think they all lived in the dorms. So, Jikook riding together and knowing every detail of each other's lives could easily be brushed off as "they are all living in the dorms, duh!". I think I've said this in my blog several times, that's what I believe, and I have multiple reasons to do so. Namjoon, as the last member (except Jimin), bought his apartment in 2019 (not Nine-One), and at that point, it was stupid to think the members were staying in the dorms, even though they weren't open about it until the Festa dinner. In that tearful, heartful conversation, last June, they made it clear they've been living in their own apartments for years. When Jimin bought Nine-One in March 2021 (which became public in June that year) things changed, and people started to assume Jikook are separated because the car riding was the factor that made them believe they lived together, and that factor wasn't present anymore. But was it true? Did Jikook stop sharing a car after all? I'm going to ignore obvious facts like Bam being familiar with Jimin and Jimin knowing Bam's habits very well, and I'm only focusing on the car riding here. People assume the only times they ride in the same car is when we see them hopping into a car, and now Jimin only does it with Namjoon, and JK rides alone. It might sound true according to some handful of evidence we have got since last year, but more evidence kept coming, showing otherwise. Jikook arrived at the airport in the same car at 210918, but people brushed it off, saying maybe they had a sleepover, lol. Then in 220419, we saw them riding together from the airport, but again people dismissed it, saying since Namjoon was still in the US, Jikook rode together because their houses were "close" to each other. Fine. I'm not arguing with that. But can you please explain why they left the rehearsals at 211023 and 220311 together when Namjoon was there too? Why did Jk have to wait for Jimin if Jimin was supposed to ride with Namjoon and go to Nine-one? It was midnight, and they weren't going back to the company. In 211206, why did Jk wait for Jimin to leave the airport gates together? Jk could just leave like how Jin did. Why they were about to go into the same car when they were supposed to be delivered to their quarantine places? As far as I know, this is not the behavior we expect from "ex-couples". lol

[xslytherclawx-writes]

The Charm Offensive & plagiarism

I've been mulling this over for a while, and while I did make a brief post about this initially, I'd like to name names because, frankly, I don't see any reason why not

Allison Cochrun, the author of The Charm Offensive, a widely-praised LGBT romance novel, seems to have based her novel on a Harry Potter fanfiction I published between 2018-2019.

I never gave consent for publishing my work or using my work as a base to edit for publication.

The main plot of my fanfiction is the same as the novel - though the novel also "borrows" many minor details to a point that it is impossible to believe that it is simply coincidence. My fanfiction predates the actual novel by over a year. In the fanfiction, a Harry Potter character goes on the Bachelorette and falls in love with one of the crew members - and then announces it on the televised finale.

Sound familiar?

Details below.

The fanfiction was the result of an inside joke with a friend, and I only posted it on AO3 (rather than keeping it in my google drive, in which case I can just about assure you: there would be no Charm Offensive) because I thought a handful of people familiar with some of my original characters might be interested in reading what is doubtlessly one of the silliest things I've ever written.

I wrote the fanfiction over the course of a few weeks in October 2018, while I was between jobs and looking for something to occupy my time waiting for HR to process my upcoming job offer.

At the time I found The Charm Offensive on Barnes and Noble's website, the fanfiction had around 700 hits. It isn't widely read, and, frankly, this isn't the first time that someone has ripped off my fanfiction, but this is the first time I've seen it monetized and acclaimed.

It is, quite honestly, an infuriating position to be in. I write fanfiction as a hobby; this is not my career, but why should that mean that I should sit idly by while someone else gets praise for my idea?

I found The Charm Offensive while looking for books to add to my cart so I could buy another romance novel without feeling guilty about paying for shipping. I saw the description and thought it sounded uncomfortably familiar, so I managed to get my hands on a copy without giving the person who ripped me off money. Because I needed to see if it was, perhaps, a strange coincidence.

It was not.

That became even more evident the more I read it.

The changes made are the sort of deliberate changes that are apparent when one reads other fanfiction that has been turned into published novels - but the key difference here is that Cochrun did not write the fanfiction, I am not her, and I did not consent to this.

And like, to be clear, this is a non-exhaustive list of the similarities between this novel and my fanfiction that was published between October 2018-January 2019 - so also before Cochrun says in the acknowledgments that the novel was actually written:

- bachelor-style setting - relationship is a participant on the show/a member of the crew (the “bachelor”/his handler vs a contestant/make up artist) - character A is a minority and specifically one often seen as a Model Minority (Indian vs Jewish in the fanfic) - character B is white & culturally christian and grew up with super homophobic parents - character A, however, grew up with super loving and supportive and slightly hippie parents who sought diagnoses and treatment for his neurodivergency and mental illness from a young age - all main cast in mid-late 20s (almost exactly the same age; they're 28 in the fanfiction and I believe 27 in the novel?) - character B went to a top university (Stanford vs Columbia) - character B (appears to? in the novel) speak German - special reassurance scene at a home visit with character B and someone who isn’t character A - character B has severe anxiety including panic attacks and thinks he’s unloveable (which isn’t unique but come on) - character B’s best friend is a woman who takes no shit and is also LGBT in some way (Pansexual vs lesbian) - character B is super into science fiction and exercise - character B is drop dead gorgeous and muscular with grey eyes - character B is sexually inexperienced - character A is very tall and skinny and often wears shorts (to a point where other characters use it as a defining thing) - character A is a hopeless romantic who desperately wants to find true love but can’t seem to find it - character A is sexually experienced (especially compared to character B) - character B / character B’s brother leaves home at 15/16 to get away from abusive, homophobic parents (LITERALLY. WHAT. THE. FUCK.) - subplot of the producers / show runner trying to make an extremely chill bisexual contestant’s sexuality into drama fodder - the entire plot about editing the footage after the fact to include scenes with characters A & B together because… - character B comes out on television, and says the words “I didn’t expect to find love here” (or similar) and then details that he did fall in love with one of the crew - also one of the women is a bisexual medical student (novel) / doctor (fanfiction) which is just. a lot. It’s a lot of little things that all seem to add up to more than coincidence, and given the way I've seen the author react to claims about the Desi rep in the book (it's not good, and I can tell you that much as someone who has just had Desi friends since she was 9), I doubt anything will come of this, but I thought I'd say it outright and make it clear that this is not anything I signed off on or was aware of prior to publication.

But hey! Don't just take my word for it. I've kept the fanfiction up with a disclaimer, so you can read it here! (Edit: originally linked the wrong fanfiction; the link has been fixed!)

[callumilott-archive]

the curious case of the renault sport academy: an essay

alternatively titled: the essay i wasn’t going to write about the mess of the rsa but here it is anyway, supported by facts (also titled: the curious case of anthoine & guanyu)

some standard background: rsa started in 2016, they organise training camps occasionally (tho not so much what with covid) that consist of a lot of cycling. so much cycling they all cry about it. they currently have 6 drivers signed to their academy of which one is a notable outlier - guanyu zhou. the other boys signed have all won titles at one point. guanyu has not. in fact, his best championship result was a second place in 2015, he has not placed higher than 6th since. now, renault is known for snatching up title winners, the winner of formula renault would get signed to the academy (like max fewtrell, oscar piastri) and they’ve picked up some other promising guys as well, signing them to the academy straight away.

if we count back to 2019, another curious addition adds itself to the academy. actually should say 2018 because that’s where it gets interesting. anthoine’s results in 2017 weren’t mind blowing, he didn’t score a single win but did manage to get a couple fastest laps to find himself in 4th position at the end of the year. renault invent a new role, designed specifically for anthoine as he was the first driver to carry this role: affiliate driver. it’s not quite being signed to the academy, he doesn’t run a renault livery, merely has renault on the rear wing (and ART ran an altered livery for 2 other renault kids in f3 the following year), but he does get to go on training camps. it’s a sort of halfway signing, and while i have not been able to find any proof for this, i suspect they told him to win the gp3 title for an actual signing (stick, meet carrot) or get dropped. as we know, he did win and he did get the full signing, black and yellow suit included.

the only other affiliate i’ve been able to find was leonardo lorandi in early 2019, around the same time anthoine got ‘promoted’ for lack of a better word. lorandi didn’t do so well however (18th place in the championship that year) and i haven’t heard anything about him so i suspect he’s just kind of disappeared. definitely was not added to the academy. begs the question, if you want to have a junior program filled with talented drivers and you have someone with better results than one you already signed. why the hassle? why sign guanyu with no outstanding results since 2015, but invent a whole new role for anthoine with a better result in 2017 and a title to his name (french f4 2013)? i’m gonna take an educated guess and say the answer is money.

this isnt related to my essay BUT since im talking about this anyway and i’m still pissed about this, have a little look at the very backhanded compliments of one cyril abiteboul on september 2, 2019. https://www.planetf1.com/f1-races/belgian-grand-prix/abiteboul-f1-was-right-to-race/ make of this what u will :)

moving on, there’s also the matter of renault dropping drivers like hot potatoes at a fairly similar rate to red bull, if i’m honest. guys in the academy in 2018 were long gone by the time 2019 rolled around. ye yifei was a newly signed member of the rsa in 2019, a new signing for placing third in formula renault the previous year. he had a dreadful season in f3 and was consequently dropped. he then finished second in f3 asia (late 2019/early 2020) and went on to win euroformula open in 2020. not a bad driver, right. victor martins, too. his name might sound familiar if you’ve watched formula renault in 2020, because he became champion. the year before that, runner up in formula renault (to oscar piastri). renault dropped him anyway, presumably because he did not win the title. very interested to see if they’re gonna have to sign him again because he won. anyway, i digress.

rumour’s been going around that max fewtrell and hadrien david will both be dropped from the academy for not acquiring results expected of them. in this i would just like to point out that hadrien is literally 16 and this was his second season of single seaters, and he was a total rookie in formula renault. most recent formula renault champions (max fewtrell, oscar piastri, victor martins) required 2 years to get up to speed in that category. hadrien placed tenth in a field of 22, so not entirely dreadful. max fewtrell’s season was just a disaster all around and given that he has 2 titles to his name (2016 and 2018), i wouldn’t go ahead and call him a bad driver. now i have no clue what happened or why he and hitech decided to part ways before spa but it’s pretty obvious he wasn’t feeling good in that team.

THEN there’s also the matter of the rsa director saying everyone did a fuckin terrible job except oscar. https://formulaspy.com/f1/renault-we-expected-more-from-our-junior-drivers-73087 ‘not mad just disappointed’ vibes.

in short, the rsa just feels like a giant mess and like they’re desperately trying to gather whichever driver is hot topic at the moment and then dropping them without hesitation when they don’t perform up to standard. do they even get support aside from the cycling bootcamps? and WHAT are they even gathering them for, considering there’s the ongoing issue of no renault seats ever going to a member of their academy. my professional conclusion is this: FUCK renault. thank u for ur attention

[kaitycole]

chapter two: how it all began

Summary: Two little friends have always desired one thing: to end up as siblings. So when the chance presented itself after a finalized divorce, who were they to decline such an opportunity to finally bring their parents together?

Pairings: Bokuto Kōtarō x f!Reader

Word Count: 2577

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Mentions of divorce, cheating, cussing

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters portrayed in this series. Part of the @babythotshq​​ Dearest Daddy Collab

Tags: open (send me an ask to be added!)

October 2018

Jess wasn’t sure if she should take Bo up on his offer, her mind had her convinced that it was just him being friendly. He saw the way he had looked at you and yeah, he said you had just gotten married, but that doesn’t mean feelings just fade.

She had pulled up his contact several times in the two weeks since she’d gotten it. Since she wasn’t familiar with Osaka or Japan at all, there were no run-ins with him which Jess couldn’t decide if that was good or bad.

It was a rainy Friday when she finally texted him; her thoughts had caught up to her and it dawned on her that no number of miles would cure the pain in her heart.

The adult part of her understood that people are busy and Bo wasn’t ignoring her, he is a pro-athlete after all. But the other part of her, the part that isn’t so mature, chalks up the 20 minutes that passed as he didn’t really mean his offer.

Bo was finishing up in the locker room after practice, he pulled his phone out of his bag before stuffing in his practice clothes. He was on his way out when he finally glanced down and saw two notifications.

Y/N: Just wanted to remind you that I won’t be able to text until next Friday! I’ll bring back souvenirs! (4:05 pm)

He didn’t reply, it was painful to hear about your honeymoon and to be fair he didn’t really want a souvenir either; some constant reminder that you were with someone else. Not to mention all you talked about was how much Youta wanted to start a family. Yeah, he really didn’t need that reminder.

He did perk up however when he saw the second text, one from an unknown number.

Jess: Hey. It’s Jess. (3:12 pm)

Bo quickly noticed that it’d been over an hour since Jess texted him and he panicked. Should he call her or text her back? He groaned when he got to the main exit only to see it was pouring and he once again forgot an umbrella.

Bokuto: Hey! Just got out of practice, sup? (4:40 pm)

Jess smacked the palm of her hand against her forehead, instantly feeling dumb for not realizing it sooner. She stared at her screen, suddenly unsure of what to say.

Jess: I was wondering if your offer was still available? (4:44 pm)

A huge grin spread across Bokuto’s face as he read the message. It no longer mattered to him that it was raining heavily as he walked to the bus station or that he’d have to shower again when he got home.

Bokuto: ‘Course! When are you free? (4:50 pm)

Jess: Sunday? Noon? (4:51 pm)

Bokuto: See you then! (4:52 pm)

Saturday was spent texting Bo most of the day, eagerly deciding where they should go. They ended up agreeing to go to the Shinsaibashi district once Jess mentioned needing to pick up a few things for her apartment. They were both surprised when they learned they lived in neighboring complexes, just a short walk to the others.

On Sunday, Bo all but bounced his way to Jess’s apartment. He had mentioned their texts and conversations to Kuroo who was almost as excited as Bo was; Kuroo liked you, he always had, but he didn’t like seeing Bo so hung up on you and Jess gave him a way to let you go. Jess opened the door and was taken back for a moment, the last time she’d seen Bo he was post-game sweaty in a volleyball uniform, but here he was in her doorway wearing tight black jeans and a hoodie taking her breath away.

Bokuto smiled when saw Jess dressed up; when they met she had on a pantsuit, but here she looked more comfortable. She had one a maroon knee-length dress, stockings and brown boots, accompanied with a scarf; her brown hair was down and curled.

“Ready?” He reached out his hand.

“Ready!” She took his hand as she shut the door.

*                      * A few hours shopping around Shinsaibashi and Bo’s hands are full with most of Jess’s bags. She swore to him that she really didn’t mind carrying them, they were hers after all, but Bo wouldn’t hear it. What kind of gentleman would he be if he didn’t help? She has a few new pieces to add to her wardrobe, a couple of picture frames for prints she wanted to hang up and a few beauty ideas.

He motioned for her to head to a café, sitting her bags in a spare chair at their table.

“You sure there’ll be room in your apartment for all this?” He teased.

Her cheeks burn red as she tried to hide her face with the menu, “I’m sorry. I could’ve gone shopping on my own. I’m sure you don’t want to waste a day off running errands.”

He waved her off, “It’s fine. This is fun. My only plans were to watch TV.”

“Oh. I guess I thought you might hang out with Y/N.” Jess smiled at the waitress as she ordered.

Bo quickly ordered what Jess had, not really paying much attention the mention of you had thrown him for a loop. “I…uhm…she’s out of town.” He cleared his throat, “Honeymoon.”

“I…I am so sorry! I shouldn’t have said anything!” Jess’s eye widened instantly feeling awful. “Wow I just keep messing up today.”

“It’s fine. Really.” He took a sip of his water, “I’m having a lot of fun.”

Jess bit her lip before she began to pick at the croissant she had ordered. Bo ate quietly too which was odd for him but he really wasn’t sure what to say.

“So?” They both spoke at the same time causing them both to laugh.

“You go first.” She offered with a small smile.

“What brought you to Japan?” Bo asked, mouth slightly full of croissant which makes her laugh for a second.

She fiddled with her napkin, her mouth dried slightly. “Can I speak freely?”

Bo cocked his head to the side, not fully understanding, “Of course.”

“I guess you could say I have a Y/N of my own.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “His name is Mark and for years he told me that when he fulfilled his goals, he’d finally be ready for a relationship. Well six years is a long time and 5300+ miles seemed far enough to start over.”

Bo nodded, part of him was glad that he met someone who understood, but the other part, the bigger part of him hated it because no one deserves to feel that way.

“Well, Mark sounds like a dick, but I am glad that it brought you here. I like you.” Bo smiled, noticing her cheeks turned bright pink.

“I like you too.” Jess smiled.

*                      * It didn’t take long for Jess and Bo to become attached at the hip; after the first few hangouts they quickly learned they had a lot in common. And for the things they didn’t have in common? They just taught each other about it.

The moment she expressed interest in volleyball, Bo jumped on the opportunity to teach her; even bringing her to the gym to show her a few moves with Hinata and Kuroo. The latter spent most of the time teasing Bo by flirting with Jess, even picking her up when she assisted in a block. Kuroo lived to pick on Bo, but he was happy Bo had someone in his life to help him get move on. He even managed to snap a photo when Bo picked up her, cheering with a sparkle in her eyes when she spiked a ball.

When Bo mentioned that he had always liked plants but couldn’t seem to keep on alive, Jess jumped on the chance to help him. Her apartment was filled with various types of plants; flowers and herbs and Bo loved listening to her go on and on about them. She went out and bought pots, soil and seeds and made it a challenge to see who could grow their plant the tallest; Bo quickly accepted and then in the same breath overwatered the seeds. Jess gifted him a fake plant short after.

Mid-April 2019

“Are you sure I look okay?” Jess asked, for the fourth time since Bo picked her up. They were sitting in his car outside of Kuroo’s apartment. Just like the other three times, he assured her that she looked beautiful.

“You’ll be the best looking one there.” Bo smiled as she rolled her eyes at him. He wasn’t lying, based on what Bo heard from Kuroo it was mostly just going be you, Jess, Bo, Kuroo and Kenma.

She looked down at her outfit one more time; dark blue skinny jeans, a pale pink flowy top with a thin gray sweater. She knew she’d looked fine, this was her go-to outfit back in California, but for some reason she didn’t feel confident in it. Maybe she should’ve worn her black ankle boots instead of her chestnut brown ones.

Her thoughts are interrupted when Bo opened her door, reaching his hand for hers. She gave him a straight smile as he pulled her into a hug. Breathing in his woody scented cologne instantly relaxed her; sandalwood quickly became a scent she yearned for since meeting him.

He lifted her chin with his index finger, making eye contact with her, “You look stunning. Stop worrying so much.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead causing her to smile.

He intertwined his fingers with hers before they walked into Kuroo’s apartment. Kuroo quickly answered the door.

“HEY HEY HEY!” Bo shouted in reply to Kuroo’s “HEY HEY!”

“Hey, Kuroo.” Jess smiled and then blushed when Kuroo grabbed her free hand, kissing the back of it.

“You know you can call me Tetsu.” He winked which caused Bo to pull Jess into the apartment, muttering that Kuroo worked just fine. Bo knew Kuroo was doing it to get under his skin, he wasn’t clueless, but Jess meant the world to Bo and he wanted to protect her. Kuroo was one of his closest friends and yeah, he trusted him, but Mark was still constantly on Jess’s mind. She needed more time to heal.

You were sitting on the couch when Bo and Jess walked in. You smiled at the pair, noting that Bo was still clinging on to her hand and how he had stiffened at Kuroo’s suggestion for her to call him by his first name.

After failing to agree on where to go to enjoy the night, Kuroo suggested seeing which set of best friends knew each other better. Kuroo clearly feeling that he and Kenma would have a landslide of a victory. Kenma shrugged since Kuroo took his gaming console and hid it which Kuroo and Bokuto took as agreeing. Bokuto was game for anything to show off his competitive side and to beat Kuroo.

The only issue was who would be Bokuto’s partner. Jess awkwardly stared between everyone not wanting to step on anyone’s toes.

“Bo, you can have Jess and Y/N. You’ll need all the help you can get.” Kuroo winked at Jess.

“It’s fine, I can sit this game out.”  Jess said, holding her hands up. “I’ll pick the questions to ask.” “Oh no, it’s fine.” You smiled at her, “I don’t mind seeing what you got.”

“Are we gonna have a cat fight?” Kuroo raised an eyebrow which gained a glare from you, an elbow to the ribcage from Kenma and Bo shaking his head.

“No. I just think it’d be fun. If I play, we’d smoke ya!” You teased Kuroo, sticking out your tongue.

“What do ya, Jess? Be my partner?” Bo smiled and you couldn’t help but see the way Jess’s face flushed as she nodded before moving to sit next to him.

You watched the two of them scoot closer to each other, Bo’s hand resting gently on her thigh as if that’s the most natural thing. Bo was a touchy person, you weren’t blind to that but it made you feel…jealous?

Once upon a time, during the first year you met Bokuto, you developed a crush on the two-toned haired boy. You thought that you had been obvious about it and had dropped hints, but Bo never seemed to reciprocate it or catch on. So, you moved on, leaving the idea in your first-year classroom.

“Y/N, ask the first question!” Kuroo shouted.

“Hold on, hold on.” You scrolled on a website until you found what you were looking for. “Okay, we’ll start with Team KuroKen: What’s your best friend’s favorite food?”

“Easy peasy! Apple pie!” Kuroo smirked, knowing he was right.

“Grilled Mackerel.” Kenma sighed, clearly uninterested.

“Correct!” You cheered. “Now for Team Bess.” “Bess?” Jess scrunched up her face.

You shrugged, “All I could think of on short notice.”

“Cool name or not, we’re gonna win!” Bo wrapped his arm around Jess’s waist, pulling her tighter to him. “Jess’s favorite food is mashed potatoes.”

Jess grinned towards you, “And Bo’s is BBQ meat.”

“C’mon Y/N, give us a hard question!” Kuroo begged.

The four of them continued to answer question after question until both teams had a tied score of 20. You began to smirk to yourself when you found the perfect question. It wasn’t that you didn’t like Jess, she seemed nice enough, but Bokuto had been your best friend for years and you didn’t like the fact that someone thought that six months was long enough to act like they knew Bo.

“Here we go, perfect question.” You winked at Jess, “What was the last movie your best friend watched?”

Team KuroKen quickly answered and a confident Kuroo started gloating about how they already won.

“Bo last watched Coco!” Jess exclaimed.

“Actually, it was (your favorite movie) a few weeks ago when I was upset.” You shrugged with a smirk on your face. Jess got up, excusing herself to go to the bathroom.

“WE WON!” Kuroo shouted before teasing Bokuto that maybe he’d have better luck next time.

“Kuroo, calm down.” Kenma sighed.

“No, Y/N, it was Coco.” Bo stood up, shaking his head, “We watched it together a few nights ago.”

“Well,” you stammered, crossing your arms. “How was I supposed to know?”

“You could’ve waited until I answered.” He let out a deep breath.

“That doesn’t make her your best friend.” You all but shouted.

“I can have more than one best friend.” Bo started walking towards the bathroom to find Jess. “You do, you have Youta, right? Why can’t I have Jess?”

Kuroo let out a low, awkward whistle before Kenma shook his head, heading into the kitchen.

“Youta is my husband. Jess is just...Jess. You’ve known her less than a year.”

“But you always said you’d marry your best friend. And so what? Jess is important to me, that should be enough for you to accept her.”

He walked down the hall, knocking on the bathroom door before gently opening it. He found Jess sitting on the side of the tub, tears in her eyes. Bo kneeled in front of her, pulling her into his arms, apologizing.

“Guess I should’ve just picked the questions, huh?” She laughed and a small sob mixed with it.

Bo started to laugh, “You’re something else, you know that?”

Previous/ Masterlist /Next

[pidge-poetry]

Foals: “Life is something to be cherished and enjoyed”

Having gone through a rave-rock rebirth for seventh album ‘Life Is Yours’, the trio discuss rising above the “doom” and why they remain the life of the party

by Andrew Trendell | 11th February 2022

Blue Monday – the third Monday in January – is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year. This is said to be due to crap weather, broken New Year’s resolutions and the festive spirit having faded, leaving nothing but a big old hole in your bank account. Sound familiar?

Well, forget about it. Despite the chilly winter winds and the less-than-tropical setting of the concrete bunker in east London in which we meet for our photo shoot, Foals frontman Yannis Philippakis seems full of the joys of the spring as we shower him with confetti and talk about the good things ahead.

For the band’s ninth NME cover in their 17-year history, we’re here to celebrate the announcement of their upcoming seventh album ‘Life Is Yours’, a dayglo burst of effervescent rave-rock. Quite poetically, Yannis returned last night from shooting the video for banging new single ‘2am’ in Kiev, where acclaimed director Tanu Muiño filmed party fuelled scenes entirely at odds with the threat of war from Russia that looms at Ukraine’s border.

“It was a bit surreal,” Philippakis admits. “We had to make the call a few weeks ago about whether or not to kill off the idea of going to shoot there. We kind of risked it and everything was fine, but it felt touch-and-go.”

The band of brothers know all about touch and go: Foals are a trio now. Bassist Walter Gervers parted ways with the band back in 2018, while 2021 saw keyboardist Edwin Congreave leave to study Economics at the University of Cambridge and focus on his efforts, he said, to “mitigate the imminent climate catastrophe”. Yannis explains today: “We knew that Edwin’s departure was imminent. We discussed it over the years. He’s had other designs for his life; other priorities and interests.”

It was decided that Edwin would leave after the tour dates for their sprawling, apocalyptic 2019 sister albums ‘Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost’ Part One and Part Two, but COVID soon saw those plans scuppered and the calendar ripped up. Yannis says of his friend, who was among the founding members of Foals back in Oxford in 2005: “When the three of us wanted to start writing, it was clear for Edwin and for us that there was no point of him embarking on the next chapter of the band if he wasn’t going to see it through.”

“This album is all about that youthful excess of going out” – Yannis Philippakis

Yannis, drummer Jack Bevan and LA-based guitarist Jimmy Smith had to find a new way to be Foals. “We got through some personal stuff ,” Philippakis admits. “Jimmy’s been living in America and his outlook has changed quite a lot over the past year, and me and Jack had some different perspective shifts in our own lives.”

Hanging out with Yannis in person and chatting to the other Foals on separate Zoom calls a week later, the band’s renewed energy is plain to see. Case in point: Jimmy – nicknamed “Crow” – has leant Foals a dark, towering, moody presence over the years. When the band launched ‘Life Is Yours’ with disco bop lead single ‘Wake Me Up’ and with its colourful video back in November, we were met with a shock of blonde hair, a black feathery jumper and some fetching leather trousers. Crow had gone full-on Zoolander.

“He’s a lot happier,” says Yannis. “He’s much sunnier in his disposition, more relaxed. In certain ways he’s changed a lot, but it might be more that he’s finding his truer self. It just suits him.”

Jimmy greets NME with all the California chill and pep of a gallon of Sunny-D. “I feel totally different, in a good way,” he smiles. “I’m lucky in that these last two years of the pandemic have had positive effects on me.”

When tour dates were pulled, Smith quickly realised that he didn’t want to do them in the first place. Worn down by the “repetitive machine” of the music industry, he visited his girlfriend in LA and got stuck out there – much to his delight: “As a band, we haven’t really stopped for 15 years. You see other bands doing stuff when you’re not busy and you just think, ‘Oh, we should be doing this’. That all just went away because it had to.”

Before moving to the US permanently, Jimmy spent the past two years hopping the channel when restrictions allowed before getting locked down in London again when he returned to start work on Foals’ new record. Recharged, he and his bandmates headed into album seven with a new chemistry and compulsion.

“Everyone’s position got stronger,” says Smith. “Now it’s just the three of us, there’s no hiding any more. When we were a five-piece with Walter and Edwin, you could take a backseat. Now all eyes are on everyone and you need to step up. I’ve got to say more now. I finally feel comfortable calling myself a ‘songwriter’, so I can be more confident with that.”

Yannis agrees that the line-up shift has been seismic and came at a pivotal time: “Three is more of an unstable number, so it’s just going to take us a bit of time to figure it out. COVID meant we could come together having understood what it would mean for the band not to exist.”

When the first lockdown hit, NME checked in with Yannis to find the frontman staying sane by watching reality show Four In A Bed and making his own soap. While much of the future looked uncertain, he told us of his hopes of finishing off his long-mooted project with Afrobeat icon Tony Allen; the legendary percussionist died just weeks later at the age of 79. His passing, along the general global picture, made Philippakis acutely more aware of “getting older and being in closer proximity with the spectre of mortality”.

He adds: “In relation to Tony, it was understanding that even though he’s gone physically from the world, the music that he made will go on forever.” Yannis has plans to return to Paris, where Allen was living, to finish the project, which has brought his creativity into focus: “When I’m gone, the songs will hopefully live on. There’s an alchemy in looking at music in that way. It’s not just about what’s happening in the room; we’re building this body of work to be left behind. It’s realising that this is a full vocation.”

Being in a band, says Yannis, provides “a clarity” and “defines my identity”. An existential crisis was only amplified by the quiet of lockdown: “You get into a nebulous questioning of ‘Who actually am I? What do I actually do? What do I want to do?’” The frontman lives in Peckham, south London, and the quietude of lockdown in his usual vibey neighbourhood helped to inspire ‘Life Is Yours’: “All there was was this slightly crazed devotion to just coming in every day and that being in the only thing we did. It really helped my mental stability.”

Everyone felt lucky to be in their dank rehearsal space near his home. A purple patch of creativity blossomed, aided by a very fixed vision. “We knew what we wanted to make before we sat down to try and make it,” Jack tells us. “We’d gone as far as we wanted to on the last two records and wanted to pull it back to basics to revisit what made us good at the very beginning.”

After the ‘Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost’ double album, Foals sought to make something “more concise, more rhythmic, more direct, more fun”, and a little more in keeping with the very physicality of their punky 2008 debut ‘Antidotes’. There are no post-rock odysseys like the last album’s ‘Neptune’; absent, too, are the gnarly riff of their classic tunes ‘Inhaler’ and ‘What Went Down’. “We wanted to write music that would be a forcefield against the darkness, rather than try to proselytise people,” says Yannis. “It’s almost a 180 from the doom soup I was bathing in when writing ‘Everything Not Saved…”.

Decamping to the Peter Gabriel-founded Real World Studios near Bath in the summer of 2021, Foals recorded a Technicolour tapestry that Yannis describes as “self-administered medicine” and Jack a “coping mechanism” for the pandemic, which the album largely blissfully ignores.

“A few years ago, we were trying to be competitive with Arctic Monkeys” – Jimmy Smith

The opening title track is a trancey, tropical balm, evoking what Yannis calls “an optimism and consolation after a dark time”. Ode to escapism ‘Wake Me Up’ is the fully-realised disco infiltrator they’ve always threatened to write, while surefire hit ‘2001’ cuts a surprising ‘Uptown Funk’ shape over memories of being “lost in a sugar rush” and a “violent high”. What’s it about? “Illicit substances and seaside good times!” smiles Yannis.

Elsewhere, ‘Looking High’ is a sweet pop gem that evokes all those nights out we so sorely missed, the house-y ‘The Sound’ is the best trip Foals have ever taken us on and closer ‘Wild Green’ acts as a fittingly hypnotic and meditative comedown. “That song is about regeneration,” says Yannis. “After COVID and the destructive power of nature, the spring returns to show the healing power of nature.”

As a dopamine-soaked reimagining of the debauched freedom that we’ve been lacking for too long, ‘Life Is Yours’ makes for one hell of a tonic. “This is our idea of a going out record,” says Yannis. “We were thinking about parties, club nights and being drunk on the bus at 2am trying to get home. All of it: the excitement before you go out, meeting up with your friends, the wild abandon. ‘Who’s got the pingers? Where are we going?’ This is all of that youthful excess of going out.”

Jack notes that the timing couldn’t be more perfect for an album like this. “It’s a sun-kissed summer party record with a lot of heart,” he smiles. “If I was not in the band, I would want to hear this kind of record myself after everything we’ve all been through. Maybe we’ll see a trend of these kinds of positive albums. Being in lockdown and lamenting the changes of the world created the potential for a lot of really miserable and rubbish COVID albums that are going to age really badly.”

Looking forward to the third Summer of Love, Yannis references the rise of acid house and MDMA that ignited a movement in the late ’80s: “As we re-emerge, this could be like ’89. This has the potential to be an iconic year, and I’d love this record to be the soundtrack to that – to be there for that house party, that barbecue, that drive to the ocean, when the face masks are a distant memory and it’s just you hugging your mates in the middle of a field.” Yet Jimmy laughs when he notes the need to not get too carried away: “As anyone in their mid-to-late 30s will tell you, there is a turning point where hangovers start becoming quite ‘medical’”.

It’s true that many bands at this stage of their careers might consider hanging up their glowsticks, but as an outfit first formed for house parties, that love of the sesh is built into Foals’ DNA. It’s what keeps them a festival favourite for new generations of indie fans with every record. The trio you’ll see tearing up an arena this spring remain the same in essence as those scrappy, crazed lads who squawked through ‘Hummer’ at an infamously feral secret party in Bristol, filmed for an episode of cult teen drama Skins, back in 2007.

“It still feels like we’re coming up” – Jack Bevan

The ‘Life Is Yours’ tracks are certainly gonna put a donk on the upcoming Foals live experience (the twice-rescheduled tour finally kicks off in April). In London alone, they’ve sold out four nights at the Olympia and one at Brixton Academy, shifting over 40,000 tickets. That’s enough to fill the O2 arena twice.

“It all started for us with parties, listening to techno and things like that,” says Jimmy. “As much as all the guitar music influences went in, so did all the dance stuff. We were forged between the two”. Yannis also notes how their ravey genesis keeps their music “fresh”, their live shows “rowdy and wild”. He adds: “We’re not softening around the middle and slowing the BPMs down and looking inward. It’s still fibrous and electric.”

Once known for his sharp tongue and dog-eat-dog approach to interviews, Yannis is now more relaxed, safe in the knowledge that Foals are a big band existing on their own terms. Seven albums into their career, how do they balance the notion of eternal youth with being what some might call ‘indie statesmen’?“

I mean, I don’t agree with the ‘indie’ bit, I guess, weirdly – or the statesmen bit,” Yannis chuckles. “I don’t agree with any of that really!” Creasing at the notion of Foal belonging in a stuffy Rock & Roll Hall of Fame-type affair, he continues: “I balk at that a little bit. But I definitely feel that we’ve endured.”

Jack agrees, using a helpful analogy to tell us where Foals are at. “Say you have a house party; it’s that feeling that you’re in the middle of it and you haven’t got to the early hours of the morning where people start leaving and it gets a bit grim. The fact that we’re still in the prime time bit of the party feels good. Inevitably with a lot of bands, you sense a trajectory in decline. It still feels like we’re coming up.”

The zen Yannis of today certainly doesn’t seem quite the same man who called David Guetta “an abomination” and “just bullshit” in an interview with Digital Spy in 2013. In the same year, asked about heritage acts such as The Stone Roses topping the bill at festivals, told The Daily Star: “I’m bored of seeing some dude from the ’90s headline; it means nothing to me”.

Admitting that he may have had “a rep” for his spikey ways and “competitive edge” in the past, Yannis now feels at peace with Foals existing “in a lane of one”. He shrugs: “There are obviously bands who are bigger or whatever, but we’re in our own space. When you’re in a young band coming out, it can be a different vibe. I used to be a more prickly person, but now I’m mellow… a little bit.”

Jack puts Foals’ former edginess down to “insecurities, ambition and a fear of the unknown”. When placed on the same bill as fellow dance rockers Friendly Fires back in 2008, he found himself asking: “‘Who the fuck are these guys?’. He was immediately disarmed upon actually meeting the band, and he and singer Ed Mac have been best mates ever since.

“The only party that this record isn’t for is a Tory party” – Yannis Philippakis

In 2013, when Foals beat Arctic Monkeys to claim Best Live Act at the Q Awards: Yannis told the crowd that “you don’t need Elvis Presley impersonations” to succeed. Jack remembers today: “A few years ago, it actually really bothered me because we were trying to be competitive with Arctic Monkeys.” He explains that he told his fellow Foals: ‘For starters, they’re so much bigger! I think you guys are forgetting that they headlined Glastonbury fucking twice! That’s big!’ But we’re just drifting around on our own iceberg now.”

Free of pressure, Foals can just enjoy the rapturous world of ‘Life Is Yours’. After finishing the Tony Allen project, Yannis intends to “take some time to fill back up again” and “have a dormant pupal stage” when the touring cycle ends in late 2023. Jimmy, after enjoying a year of “growing weed in [the] living room and playing synthesizers” during his London lockdown, has built up a vast wealth of “personal” solo music that he’s currently laying down in LA.

For now, ‘Life Is Yours’ is that naughty little do that you don’t want Sue Gray hearing about. Incidentally, Yannis has plenty of ire spare for Boris Johnson and the “disgraceful” partygate clusterfuck that continues to unfold at Downing Street. Hopeful that BoJo and his cronies are on their way out sooner rather than later, he smirks: “The only party that this record isn’t for is a Tory party.”

Corruption, anxiety and “doom soup” still leave a sour aftertaste for the frontman, but he’s determined to emerge with a fresh perspective: “We’re in a time now where death isn’t a remote concept. We were trying to write something to relish and rejoice in being alive. Life is something to be cherished and enjoyed.”

Foals’ new single ‘2am’ is out now, with ‘Life Is Yours’ set to be released this summer. Their UK and European tour kicks off in March.

Photos by Tom Oxley. Read the NME article here.

[tessisawriter]

Invisible String, Part 1 (Colton Parayko)

Request: Can you write an imagine where the reader is John Krasinski’s [niece] but she’s dating Colton Parayko and like she has to breaks the news and John acts mad or something and scares them but then he says he’s joking and he’s fine with it? Thanks

***NOTE***: I changed some details in the last scene b/c I moved the timeline up from October 7 to September 14.

A/N: I’m back! The protagonist is an OC but I decided to call her Y/N instead of giving her an actual name b/c John Krasinski has nieces and/or nephews irl. I already planned the entire plot but idk whether the series will be 2 or 3 parts—I’ll post an update when I know more. This series takes place from March 2018 to June 2019 and is loosely based on Taylor Swift’s “Invisible String.” Here is the playlist.

Warnings: Six swear words, rough breakup, alcohol, loneliness & homesickness

Word Count: 3.4k

March 21, 2018

You were impervious to the mix of pitying and derisive glances from passersby as you sat on the curb. You knew you looked like a cliché, crying in front of a restaurant because your boyfriend broke up with you on your 22nd birthday, but you didn’t care. One question gnawed at you: how had six words upended your seemingly perfect day and relationship?

Your brain was buzzing with activity, wondering if Max had given you any clues that something was amiss. This morning, you woke up in his Cambridge apartment to him singing “Happy Birthday” while kneeling at the side of the bed. As soon as Max finished singing, he kissed you before grabbing his backpack and hurrying out of the room. That didn’t mean anything, though: Max was one of the only seniors to have the misfortune of taking all morning classes because his major was Theater, Dance, and Media. He was also (as usual) running late.

The rest of the day unfolded like any other Wednesday as you followed your schedule of lounging in bed, studying for an hour, going to the sandwich shop across the street for lunch, and heading to campus at 1PM for your classes. Afterwards, you went back to the apartment to find Max waiting there, already dressed for dinner. You quickly showered, curled your long (Y/HC) hair, and changed into a dark green dress and black booties before taking his hand and going to an Italian restaurant in Boston’s North End.

There were no warning signs at dinner, either. In fact, everything was perfect until you were waiting for the check and Max said with a detached look in his eyes, “I think we should break up.”

You didn’t want to relive what happened next, but the images of you acting like Elle Woods when Warner broke up with her in Legally Blonde popped into your head unbidden. You closed your eyes in humiliation and shame as you remembered Max, the man you dated for three years, abandoning you at the table and fleeing the restaurant. The other customers stared at you, some sympathetic, others scandalized, and the rest in pure shock.

You snapped out of the flashback when you felt a large hand rest on your shoulder. You whipped your head around to find a young man with blonde hair and black rimmed glasses squatting next to you on the curb.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

The panic faded as you took in the man’s features. He was definitely in his 20s, probably a few years older than you, and his blue eyes were filled with concern. Something about that concern, though, made you snap.

“Do I look like I’m okay? I mean, come on, look at me!” you demanded while pointing at your face, which you (correctly) assumed had giant black streaks of mascara on it.

You fully expected the man to walk away and leave you be, but he sat down on the curb instead and said, “My bad, that was a stupid question. I’ve got some tissues if you want them?”

That made your attitude soften. He was only trying to help, so you nodded and he handed you a pack of tissues from his pocket. You smiled at him, took the tissues, and wiped your eyes and face. As soon as you were satisfied that they were clean, you broke the silence. “Thank you…?”

“Colton, and it’s no problem. What’s your name?”

“Y/N.” You held out your hand for him to shake, which he did. After a pause, you asked: “Why did you stop? Surely you have somewhere better to be tonight.”

He chuckled, and the sound of it made your heart flutter. “I was just heading back to my hotel when I saw you, and I figured I’d stop and make sure you get home safe. That is, assuming you live here?”

“Yeah, I live in Cambridge.” As soon as the words left your mouth, you realized they were no longer true, so you amended your statement. “Well, I lived in Cambridge until about 15 minutes ago when my now ex-boyfriend dumped me. On my fucking birthday.”

“Shit, that sucks. I’m really sorry.” He paused before adding, “I’m assuming he isn’t here.”

“Nope. He hightailed it out of the restaurant as soon as he got his credit card back.”

Colton shook his head. “What a jackass.”

“I know, right? I wasted three whole years with someone who not only broke up with me in a very public setting on my birthday, but also couldn’t be bothered to ask where I would go! He probably assumed I’d go to my parents’ house, but still.”

“Your parents live here?” Colton asked as he fished his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it.

“Yeah, right by Boston Common, why?”

“I’ll get an Uber and drop you off before going back to the hotel.”

“Oh no, you don’t have to do that,” you protested while going through your bag for your phone. “We just met! I’ll pay.”

“Nonsense. You’ve been through a lot tonight. Let me take care of it.”

You stared into Colton’s eyes and realized he wasn’t going to back down. It took everything in you to suppress your pride, thank him, and provide the address. Colton typed it into his phone, waited for a moment, and said, “The closest one is around the block.”

“That’s good.” Your burst of energy dissipated as quickly as it came, and you fell silent. From the corner of your eye, you saw Colton open his mouth as if to say something before the headlights of a car momentarily blinded you.

“That’s the Uber.” Colton stood up and offered his hand, and you took it. You couldn’t help but notice how well they fit together as he pulled you up and off the curb, but after regaining your balance, something else grabbed your attention: his height.

“Gee, how tall are you? No one’s ever made me feel like a dwarf before,” you joked as he led you to the car, your hands still intertwined.

He chuckled and opened the door for you. You let go of his hand and slid into the car. After Colton slid in next to you and shut the door, he replied, “I’m 6’6” and no one’s ever made me feel like I’m not a giant before. You’re what, 5’10”?”

“6 feet, actually,” you corrected him. “So, where are you from, Colton?”

“St. Albert; it’s just outside Edmonton in Canada, but I’ve been in the States for a while. I went to the University of Alaska in Fairbanks before moving to, uh, St. Louis.”

You noticed Colton’s hesitancy and the fact that he lowered his voice when saying “St. Louis,” and you were about to ask why when you thought better of it. You were protective of your privacy, too, especially whenever people commented about how funny it was that you shared the same last name as John Krasinski. It wasn’t a coincidence—he was your uncle, and the two of you were extremely close—but you went along with it and never corrected them because it wasn’t their business. So, you let it go. “And what brings you to Boston?”

“Work,” he said before changing the subject. “What do you do? Are you still in school or—”

“I’m a senior at Harvard,” you cut him off. You generally didn’t drop the “H-bomb,” as you and your friends called it, with people you didn’t know well, but this was a special case. Colton just confirmed he was hiding something, and after looking at him in better lighting, his face seemed familiar, which weirded you out. You had to get back on equal footing, and the H-bomb almost always unsettled people.

“Wow, you must be really smart,” Colton said, seeming impressed but unphased. You couldn’t help yourself from raising an eyebrow as he asked, “What’s your major?”

“Government. What was yours?”

“Business administration.”

“Ah.” You fell silent again, this time on purpose, as you racked your brain for where you might have crossed paths with Colton. He wasn’t from Boston, not even close, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that you’d seen him before, and recently.

Colton didn’t let you ruminate for long before reviving the conversation. “What do you want to do when you graduate?”

“I’ll be a lawyer one day, but I have to be a paralegal first. I’m looking for jobs right now.”

Before Colton could reply, the car came to a stop. You looked out the window and saw your parents’ townhouse and your childhood home.Your time in the car had flown by, a sensation you rarely, if ever, experienced. And there was something between you and Colton, a connection you couldn’t quite describe, that made you want to spend more time with him. But your time was up. “This is me. It was nice to meet you, Colton, and thanks again for the ride—I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem,” he replied. “I’m glad I found you.”

You were overwhelmed by an intense desire to ask for his number. If only he lived in Boston or somewhere in the Northeast. But he lived in St. Louis, so you moved to open the door, only to feel Colton’s hand wrap around yours and hear him say: “Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You turned around and locked eyes with him. It was like being in a trance, and your heartbeat thundered in your ears.

It felt like years, but it was more like a few moments before Colton let go of your hand. “Good luck with the search. I’m sure you’ll find a good job.”

You wanted to let out a sigh of disappointment, but you just said, “Thanks,” and smiled at him before getting out of the car.

***************

The smell of bacon finally lured you out of your bed at noon the next day.

It had been a rough night. The reality of the breakup hit you like a ton of bricks when you rang the doorbell and all but collapsed in your mom’s arms when she answered the door. She brought you over to the couch, where your dad was waiting anxiously. As soon as you sat down, you grabbed your mom and cried for an hour straight as she held you and stroked your hair. You knew Max wasn’t worth your tears, but it had more to do with you. Despite his major, he wasn’t that good of an actor, and yet, he fooled you into thinking he could be your person. You took immense pride in your instincts, but they failed you with Max. How could you have possibly fallen in love with such a heartless person? More terrifying, would you have ended up marrying him a few years down the road if he hadn’t broken up with you?

You didn’t know the answer to either question, so you stopped crying and began venting about how the breakup went down. Your dad almost hit the ceiling after hearing that Max left you at the restaurant, and you had to talk him out of driving to Cambridge to “give that little shit a piece of my mind!” That wasn’t to say you weren’t thinking about revenge, but your dad potentially getting arrested was not helpful. After that, you started crying again, only this time out of frustration, and didn’t stop until you practically passed out on the couch. The last thing you remembered was your parents guiding you up the stairs to your bed.

Thankfully, you had no classes on Thursdays, so you were able to sleep in and be, if nothing else, well-rested. Your stomach rumbled when you smelled the bacon, so you got out of bed and made your way down the stairs to the kitchen, where your parents were sitting at the table and watching the television.

“Ugh, why are you watching the news?” you said as a way of greeting while making a beeline for the bacon.

“Good morning to you, too, sweetheart,” your dad replied. “I’m waiting for the sports report. I missed the game last night and Uncle John wouldn’t tell me the score. He said he’s sorry about, I quote, ‘the scumbag’ and he’ll call you tonight.”

“God, I miss him. And you,” you addressed your mom as you shoveled a load of bacon onto your plate, “are the best.”

“See, honey? I knew bacon would cheer her up,” she said to your dad.

“I didn’t doubt it. Y/N, we have to figure out a time to get your stuff from that piece of shit’s apartment. I’m not letting you go by yourself, but do you want to let him know ahead of time or just show up?”

“Who did the B’s play?” you sat down at the table and changed the subject immediately. You didn’t care about sports, but your dad and Uncle John were major Bruins fans and the mere mention of Max gave you a headache.

“The Blues.”

“Where do they play again?” you asked as you ate your bacon. It had to be a team from the Western Conference, but the only teams you knew there were the Canucks and Blackhawks because they were on your dad’s shit list.

“St. Louis.”

You almost choked on your food. “What?”

“St. Louis, sweetie. You know, the Gateway Arch—”

“Yeah, I know, Mom,” you recovered. “That’s the team Jenna likes, right, Dad?”

“Yes. Shh, here it is!” He didn’t need to tell you twice; you doubted Colton was a professional hockey player, but your curiosity won out as you intently watched the television.

The score flashed on the screen—an OT loss for the Bruins—and your dad groaned. “Ugh, I’ve got to turn this garbage off.”

And suddenly, a few Blues players, including one that looked awfully similar to Colton (albeit without glasses), flashed onto the screen. You didn’t get a good enough look at him to be sure, though, because your dad changed the channel. You let out a noise of frustration.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” your mom asked, and your dad looked like he had the same question when he turned away from the television.

“I’ll text the scumbag and tell him I’m coming this afternoon, if that’s okay with you, Dad,” you said. “I want to get it over with and besides, I need my laptop and textbooks.”

“That’s perfect, sweetheart. The office doesn’t need me today, anyway.”

“Okay, I’ll be right back; my phone’s upstairs,” you called out behind you as you raced back up the stairs. You did not want to text Max, but it was better than telling your dad that the man he praised for making sure you got home last night was potentially part of the team responsible for his beloved Bruins’ loss.

You locked your bedroom door and grabbed your phone to pull up Google and the St. Louis Blues roster. Part of you thought there was no way a professional hockey player actually cared enough to bring you home, but the Blues being in town and one of its members resembling Colton were too many coincidences for your liking. You tapped your foot impatiently as the phone loaded the roster, and you scrolled through the list until you found a name of interest.

“C. Parayko, 55, R, 6’6’’…”

It cut off after that, so you scrolled sideways to see the other information. It left you without a shadow of doubt, but you clicked on the name anyway to view a picture. Colton’s headshot and full first name stared back at you as if they were looking into your soul.

It really was him. You had to have seen him on the little television at the sandwich shop’s register yesterday.

But what did this information mean for you, really, besides discovering his identity? It was nice to know his full name because it confirmed that he was a real person instead of a delusion your reeling mind made up, but it didn’t change one important fact: you lived in Boston and he lived in St. Louis. Barring a radical change in one of your lives, which you didn’t see happening, that was the reality of the situation. It was time to stop dreaming and confront your immediate future.

You pulled up Max’s number and began composing the text which, after several drafts, read: “I’ll be at the apartment today from 3 to 5. My dad’s coming with me, so make yourself scarce. I want my shit back.”

***************

6 months later: September 14, 2018

You were miserable only two weeks after relocating to St. Louis.

It was funny how one phone call could completely change someone’s life. In your case, said phone call involved an extremely attractive job offer with a clear path for advancement within one year. The offers you had received from legal firms in Boston, New York, D.C., and Philadelphia were underwhelming, to say the least, and you were only a week away from graduation. You had already endured a lot of change this year, so why not one more?

After nearly giving your parents a heart attack but ultimately receiving their blessing, you accepted the offer and moved to St. Louis on September 1st. Uncle John had been especially supportive, enlisting Jenna (known by the rest of the world as Pam from The Office) to fly out from L.A. and show you around the city last week. She made sure you knew the ins and outs of the city, which you really appreciated. You also loved your job. You were doing important work every day, and your boss was already hinting at giving you the promotion you wanted. 

So, why were you unhappy? It was your social life, or rather, lack of one. You didn’t know anyone in St. Louis, and while your coworkers weren’t mean, they didn’t make you feel welcome, either.

That seemed to have changed earlier today when two of your desk neighbors who were around your age, Harper and Ellie, invited you out for drinks after work. You couldn’t have been happier. You went home after work, did your hair and makeup, put on your favorite royal blue mini dress, and met them at the dive bar you recommended. You were so excited on the way over that you could barely sit still; maybe you’d make friends with these girls and finally feel like you fit in in this city.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Harper and Ellie abandoned you within less than five minutes after two guys came over and asked them to dance. You were now sitting at the bar alone, nursing a cocktail and despairing over your situation.

It was times like these when you thought about Colton. It had been six months since you’d met him in Boston, and you didn’t want to risk looking like a lunatic by slipping into his DMs on Instagram, but you were getting desperate. It was bad enough that being from the Northeast made you stick out like a sore thumb, but the loneliness was eating you alive, and the combination made you feel unmoored. Maybe a familiar and friendly face could change that.

As if God had answered your prayers, you heard a commotion near the entrance. You swiveled your stool in that direction and saw a group of tall, good-looking men in their 20s entering the bar. The tallest one had blonde hair and black rimmed glasses.

It was Colton.

Your brain screamed at you to look away and approach him after he settled in, but you couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he laughed at something one of his friends said. It was as if he felt your stare because he suddenly looked in your direction and appeared to gasp.

It was only then that you turned away and faced the bar, drinking the rest of your cocktail in a few gulps. You were so embarrassed; he probably thought you were a stalker or something. You were about to flag down the bartender for another drink when you felt that familiar large hand rest on your shoulder.

You turned your head and found Colton staring at you, his blue eyes full of incredulity and…happiness?

“Y/N. It’s really you,” he breathed.

[ingek73]

Stifling, Toxic and Racist—Duchess Meghan Never Had a Chance at The Palace

Royal editor-at-large Omid Scobie sounds off on the outdated practices and attitudes within the royal family that left the Duke and Duchess of Sussex forced to make a change.

BY OMID SCOBIE

MAR 10 2021, 3:20 PM EST

I remember the feeling of frustration well. My work on an extensive biography of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, Finding Freedom, was coming to an end. After hearing countless stories from multiple people close to the couple about how they felt unsupported and unprotected by the institution of the monarchy, it was time to address the matter with the palace side. A chance for them to respond.

“This is nonsense. … We did absolutely everything [for Meghan],” the senior aide told me over the phone. I asked for examples. “Everybody welcomed her, and she was given all the support she needed,” they continued. I asked again. “They forget how accommodating we were when it came to navigating the duchess through her first steps [as a working royal],” the aide added, somewhat curtly. I had several conversations like this over the weeks that followed—each party, be they from Clarence House, Buckingham Palace, or Kensington Palace, for the most part seemingly baffled by the Sussexes’ grievances. Finally, I took what I had and moved on.

Well over a year has passed since these calls, and the full severity of Harry and Meghan’s situation has finally been laid bare. Sitting in front of Oprah Winfrey, the duchess tearfully opened up about her darkest days as a working member of the royal family. Unprotected, undefended, and left to face a near-daily barrage of hateful commentary and negative stories, Meghan revealed how her circumstances had, at times, seen her virtually stuck indoors for weeks on end. Lunch with friends could have momentarily lifted her spirits, but social outings were dismissed by royal family members and aides who said it would be better to lie low. Her image was “everywhere right now,” they told her. Her isolated existence stood out in particular to her worried mother, Doria Ragland, who during a summer 2019 visit to Frogmore Cottage was surprised to discover that neither she nor her daughter was able to go out into Windsor town to pick up coffees. “You’re stuck in here,” Doria told Meghan at the time, according to a source.

The Oprah interview was the world’s first time hearing Meghan describe the true toll of the palace’s “no comment” policy when it came to dealing with inaccurate press coverage. One report that caused Meghan particular upset was the November 2018 allegation that she’d made the Duchess of Cambridge cry during a children’s bridesmaid dress fitting for her Windsor Castle wedding. Though the palace knew the claims were untrue (and that it was, in fact, Kate who made Meghan cry), Meghan was repeatedly told that it would not be possible to set the record straight, despite it being a story that fed into a stereotype-laden narrative. Other royal family members were often afforded more sympathetic support when it came to dealing with inaccurate press (officials even issued a statement to deny Kate’s use of Botox in July 2019), but both Harry and Meghan felt they did not have access to this same privilege.

The couple’s exasperation came to a head in January 2020, when Kensington Palace urgently requested that Prince Harry cosign a statement against an “offensive” newspaper report stating Prince William “constantly bullied” the Sussexes before their decision to step away. “Well, if we’re just throwing any statement out there now, then perhaps KP can finally set the record straight about me [not making Kate cry],” Meghan emailed an aide, asking why side of the story public image was never considered important to anyone. But, as with many requests made by the couple, her suggestion was ignored. The Duchess of Cambridge, she was told, should never be dragged into idle gossip.

Meghan’s state of well-being deteriorated as the institution refused to defend or protect her during her toughest moments. Talking to Oprah, Meghan revealed that her mental health was so fragile during her pregnancy that she “didn’t want to be alive anymore.” She turned to senior staff—including the palace’s own HR department—but her plea for help in January 2019 was repeatedly shut down. It’s not a good look for the family, she was told. Even friends who wanted to help her or speak up in her defense were regularly reminded by palace aides to keep quiet. As the cruel commentary, racist attacks, death threats, and negative tabloid stories piled up—and the institution continued to ignore the problem—Meghan later likened the experience to a friend as “death by a thousand cuts.” Her reference to an ancient Chinese execution method was no coincidence.

For the millions around the world who watched Meghan share her story, some of the experiences shared were perhaps all too familiar. Princess Diana revealed in several interviews that she considered suicide during her marriage to Prince Charles and spoke candidly about her battles with bulimia and mental distress, both of which were ignored by the institution of the monarchy. Sarah, Duchess of York, was also open about how the pressures and loneliness that came with palace life led to her own struggle with eating disorders.

When Kate quickly found public adoration as the Duchess of Cambridge, the palace would proudly tell members of the press that lessons from the past had been learned. “There has been a concerted effort to ensure that history never repeats itself,” one senior staff member working for the Cambridges told me in 2014. Yet, here we are in 2021, with a very real image of Britain’s oldest and most revered establishment once again engaged in neglect and gaslighting, and dismissing mental health.

When Kate quickly found public adoration as the Duchess of Cambridge, the palace would proudly tell members of the press that lessons from the past had been learned. “There has been a concerted effort to ensure that history never repeats itself,” one senior staff member working for the Cambridges told me in 2014. Yet, here we are in 2021, with a very real image of Britain’s oldest and most revered establishment once again engaged in neglect and gaslighting, and dismissing mental health.

This time, however, race—or more specifically, racism—plays a major role. Harry and Meghan’s revelation that a member of the royal family (not the queen or Prince Philip) had expressed “concern” over how dark the skin of the queen’s great-grandson might be, left many, including Oprah herself, openmouthed. But for those familiar with the institution—which on Sunday celebrated the diversity of the Commonwealth realm’s population of 2.4 billion—it comes as less of a surprise. This is an establishment that only last week briefed The Times of London that Meghan wanted to be royal “the Beyoncé way,” and that the help offered to her included establishing the queen’s Black equerry (a senior attendant, if you will) as a “mentor.” Princess Michael of Kent’s ignorance regarding wearing a blackamoor brooch during her first encounter with Meghan is a reminder that even racial sensitivity can be lacking within the family. An establishment that, as Meghan herself explained, has yet to learn the difference between rude and racist press coverage. The stiff upper lip, no matter how painful the attacks, was expected to remain impossibly rigid at all times.

The palace has continually proven itself to be unable to empathize with any person who crumbles under the pressures of its outdated and unreasonable expectations.

But when does forced silence turn into abuse? Ignoring gossip and drama may fall under the royal family’s famed (but questionable) “never complain, never explain” mantra, but expecting the victim of racism to remain voiceless while sections of the press call her “ghetto,” “straight outta Compton,” and “un-royal” borders on complicit with the attacks. As does refusing to learn how to identify the existence of the very racism that fuels them.

If it’s not considered appropriate to acknowledge racism or racial ignorance when aimed at a mixed-raced senior royal, then how should the 54 countries of the Commonwealth and its predominantly Black, Brown, and mixed population feel about the realm’s figurehead belonging to an institution that claims to celebrate “diversity” but in practice appears to uphold white supremacy? And if the lack of awareness Harry described to Oprah is true, then were race-related public duties, including Prince William recently calling out racism in British soccer and Prince Charles speaking out about racism in architecture in 2000, simply performative? It’s hard to forget that across the full lineup of working royals, all failed to acknowledge last year’s Black Lives Matter movement, which saw just as much protesting across the United Kingdom as the United States.

A brief, 61-word statement shared on behalf of the queen by the palace on March 9 revealed that the family is “saddened” by how challenging recent years have been for the Sussexes. But with the note also admitting that the family are somehow only just learning of the “full extent” of the couple’s experiences, isn’t it all a bit late? With yet another “commoner” leaving the House of Windsor emotionally battered and bruised, the palace has continually proven itself to be unable to empathize with any person who crumbles under the pressures of its outdated and unreasonable expectations. A glass-half-full view is that recent events could perhaps serve as a catalyst for change (and I hope they are). But given Harry’s own admission that his family is trapped within a “system” so fearful of the British press and public that they’re often unable to live up to their own ideals, is it actually time for us to just finally set them free?

[fatehbaz]

Yo this was a super long time ago, but I think I remember you posting some stuff about the colonialism involved in the discovery of quinine - any chance you've still got those sources? I'm writing a paper about bioprospecting and traditional ecological knowledge and that'd be super helpful! Thanks so much, love the blog!

Hello. Sounds like an intriguing paper. Thank you for the support and kindness.

I think some of my friends on this site might have better recommendations, because I’m not too well-versed in the history of cinchona/quinine, though I know many articles (and probably several books) have been written specifically about the British dependency on quinine to inoculate their soldiers/occupiers/scientists against malaria in India and Africa.

But yes, seems the post you might be thinking of is this one. It’s an excerpt from an article that I really appreciated for its scope. Specifically, the paper was about the role of botanists/gardens in the establishment of tea plantations in India; how botanists/scientists (especially from the gardens at Kew and Calcutta) participated in the plantations’ de facto slavery in order to advance their scientific/academic careers; and how botanical gardens were the central nodes in a system which collected plants from across the South Pacific, Caribbean, North America, China, and India in order to sponsor British plantations/Empire. The gardens and their scientists directly participated in theft (stealing cinchona from Latin America) and slavery (staffing their Indian plantations with Chinese laborers abducted from China). The article explains the beginning of the plan to collect cinchona, and also helps make the case that botanical gardens were essential facilities that drove British imperial power, by domesticating/manufacturing plant strains used at plantations and by systematizing and gatekeeping this knowledge. Another aspect of the article: How British bureaucrats used legal maneuvering (like the Permanent Settlement Act of 1793) to establish private land ownership systems in India, to disenfranchise resident farmers, in order to create poor conditions and dispossession/landlessness which forced people into servitude at plantations.

You can find the article available for free online: Zaheer Baber. “The Plants of Empire: Botanic Gardens, Colonial Power and Botanical Knowledge.” Journal of Contemporary Asia. 25 May 2016.

As for quinine, I know there’s all kinds of material available online (and probably at any university’s library). But again, I don’t know much about quinine. Lots of headlines like this:

--

--

I’m relatively more familiar with British imperial bioprospecting in the Caribbean and Polynesia/South Pacific. I think the story of breadfruit is a great example of how colonization in one region is closely/directly tied to simultaneous imperial projects on opposite corners of the planet. Also an example of how institutionalization of scientific knowledge serviced chattel slavery and plantation owners. (Basically, in the midst of rising tension in Haiti, the Empire, led by Kew Gardens, wanted to prevent slave revolts on sugar plantations in the Caribbean, especially in Jamaica, by taking breadfruit from the South Pacific and domesticating it, to provide a “cheap” source of food for slaves in the Caribbean. Plantation owners in the Caribbean lobbied Joseph Banks, founder of Kew Gardens and friend/adviser to the royal family, to retrieve breadfruit. The first British ship dispatched to Tahiti to acquire the breadfruit? Ironically, the Bounty, of “mutiny on the Bounty” fame.)

One introduction to this story: Juliane Braun. “Bioprospecting Breadfruit: Imperial Botany, Transoceanic Relations, and the Politics of Translation.” 2019. An excerpt.

But my maybe my favorite article on the history of British bioprospecting of breadfruit: Elizabeth DeLoughrey. “Globalizing the Routes of Breadfruit and Other Bounties.” Journal of Colonialism and Colonial History. 2008.

Here’s a post I made about it, with some excerpts from DeLoughrey’s article.

Another article that implicates Kew and Joseph Banks in bioprospecting and theft of traditional ecological knowledge (this time, the plot to steal and domesticate Indigenous peoples’ manoomin in the Great Lakes region): PG Anderson. “Grasses tame and wild: Imperial entanglements in settler colonial cereal breeding and botany.” Environment and Planning E: Nature and Space. 2018. This article is also interesting because it addresses the cultural history of Canada’s cottage tourism (which Anderson calls “cottage colonialism”), and it explores the power of naming plants (when the Empire names or re-names that plant, they establish “imaginative control”). Post I made, with an excerpt.

---

I also made a big compilation post with links to many of the excerpts/articles/posts I’ve made about bioprospecting, plantations, and the conflict/contrast between imperial scientists and traditional ecological knowledge. Lots of sources.

---

Hope some of these are interesting. Wish you well on the paper. Thanks again for the kindness.