#Life is much more manageable now!
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Hi friends,
I’m going to try writing BTS drabbles again. My new blog is @anotherbtswriter. I left pretty suddenly last year, but I was in a bad place. It was a good time to sort some things out. Come find me over there if you want! My lamourche fics are still on ao3 under that name if you are looking for those. I will probably just post new stuff at the new blog. Hope everyone reading this is doing well! Take care of yourselves!
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happy halloween 👻 it's haunted house time again
#this also is a meme redraw#stranger things#stranger things fanart#robin and eddie make steve go first so they can hide behind him#oops accidentally didn't post anything for a year sorry about that#but another one of these and more art are on my patreon!! it's pretty much the only place i've managed to stay active on 😭#anyways i won't be watching season 5 so i'm stealing these characters from the show creators i've decided that these are OUR ocs now 🤝#sorry again for not posting anything life's been giving me a hard time lately but i'm trying to come back to tumblr!!
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Something I really like is that April’s constant stream of odd jobs she goes through is somewhat reflected in the boys as well. Like, you have April working at random pizza places or getting a crane license or being fully willing to apply for a job at a place clearly made out of cardboard. Then you have the boys as well who do anything from working as a basketball mascot, building a massive dog park, being waiters, getting a whole band gig at a theme park, etc, etc-
Main difference is that April actively applies for these jobs (and is hopefully paid for the short time she’s in them) whereas for the bros the jobs usually find them (and they practically never get paid.) It doesn’t even stop at jobs either, they just seem to casually amass skills in general.
I don’t know, I like how both April and the turtles are just so ready and willing to do things. Sure, they’re not always good at these things, but they do them readily! In a way, being heroes is just another job (well, more like volunteer work/vigilantism/another fun activity) that they initially took on because of their general sense of “why not?”
They’re very willing and open to trying out new things despite their tendency to revert back to what they enjoy (and how commonly trying new things ends up going wrong), and I think that adaptational interest of theirs really helps them be well rounded in multiple regards.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#like not even just jobs these characters just like to go out and do things!#even if they’re initially not interested they’re so curious and stuff that they’ll do it anyway#I wonder if April being as curious and incredibly open minded as she is rubbed off on the boys growing up#and they like…osmosis’d this personality trait from her to be like ‘yeah sure whatever’ to any antic#I also just think that they’re bored teenagers with a TON of time on their hands so they like to just live it up#I think the boys always had the desire to go out and apply themselves but meeting April likely pushed them more#y’know I wonder#what if April narrowed down just one job when in college and she actually managed to keep it#like…almost as a form of growth - she narrowed down jobs and careers and schooling as she hit early adulthood?#it’s kinda reflected in raph as well - originally so open and for goofing off but now much more singularly focused on hero stuff#kinda a sad way to look at growing up but it works here#because you have the three younger sibs still readily doing other things#not as focused on responsibility or singular paths#it’s sad because adulthood absolutely does not mean not being open to other things#but at that time in your life sometimes there’s a pressure and unwanted responsibility to pick a path y’know?#and it’s a relief to learn that actually there was never just one set path with one set trail you always had to stay on#and I think that’s reflected in how raph at the end of the movie opens back up to playing around and doing things for the fun of it
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Me, gasping awake: "Omg, I haven't thought about Rosinante in days!"
My brain: "No worries fam, here's a huge CoraHawk fake dating fix it AU."
Me: "Thank you :)"
*10 minutes later*
Me: "But you know we can't have Mihawk without Shanks, especially if this is set during their duelling times, and also I think Shanks and Rosinante would get on like a house on fire--"
My brain: "This is gonna be a polyamorous Rosinante/Mihawk/Shanks story before long, who do you think I am??"
#the brainrot is real#cora gets to live#law gets all the dads#i actually think cora secretly being alive wouldn't change too much up until marineford#if mihawk arrives just in time to save cora's life on minion island no one besides him and law and maybe sengoku would know he's alive#the marines wouldn't manage to stick doffy into prison without cora's evidence so he'd still be around and plotting#law still would recruit his crew and set out for adventure bc he's got the big question of his secret names that needs to be answered#really only difference is law being more emotionally balanced and having gotten a couple more lessons in swordsmanship and haki from mihawk#cora would only officially join law's crew when they enter the new world to let law grow on his own for a bit first#and law would absolutely be miffed with the knowledge that shanks is out there absolutely keeping an eye on them while in the new world#donquixote rosinante#rosinante corazon#dracule mihawk#red haired shanks#trafalgar law#mishanks#corahawk#corashanks#uuuh... idk how to good poly ship name#coramishanks#? feels a bit difficult to read and understand but i'm keeping it for now - open to suggestions tho#mihawk x shanks#rosinante x mihawk#rosinante x shanks#rosinante x mihawk x shanks#coramishanks fix it au#one piece
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I got possessed again
#my laptop crashed but i managed to save this#planned to do more with this but im so tired#and i have to wake up earlier tmrw#and i wont want to continue this tmrw#i dont actually know if my understanding of shepnax is correct#im only on ep2#but like#whatever#this feels right at least now#if using statues for reference was illegal#id be sentenced for life#trying to color more so yeah#i fucking love sarnax#curse of strahdanya#sarnax of the edelwood#silas shepherd morgan#shepnax#loa#legends of avantris#also love the fact theyre all cosplaying#mikey has like????? the slayest nails ever????#AND THE FUCKING HAT#idk i love cos so fucking much#i love loa
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I JUST FOUND OUT I CAN BIKE WITHOUT* PAIN!!!!! I JUST FOUND OUT I CAN BIKE WITHOUT PAIN!!!!!!! I NOW HAVE TWO PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES I CAN DO WITHOUT PAIN!!!!!!! I CAN BIKE WHEN IM NOT FIGURE SKATING!!!!!!! IM GENUINELY SOBBING RIGHT NOW THIS IS SUCH A MASSIVE THING FOR ME YOU DONT UNDERSTAND
* = check tags for explanation
#My chronic pain has been getting so much worse lately#Dislcoations are also happening more often#And as someone who used to be insanely athletic I’ve been grieving so heavily for who I used to be and what I used to be capable of#I used to be able to run a marathon easily and now *walking* is painful#I use a cane most days now#My literal only freedom is while figure skating#And to discover there’s another thing I can do? I feel like I’m getting a piece of myself back even while my health is getting worse#This feels so euphoric#But knowing I be active by skating? It’s been my life line. And now I can bike!#And I just don’t know what to say#Also for clarification I can bike now but it’s still painful to a degree: Figure skating is not painful for me#But biking still has a level of pain but so far it’s not like ‘I’m completely unable to do this’ pain instead it’s like#‘Wow yeah this is painful but everything is and this is a pain I can manage to deal with because I’m being active and that makes me happy’#ykwim?#Oh and new symptoms of paralysis. I’ll make a post about that too. My luck is awesome /s#Chronic illness#Fibromyalgia#hEDS#Cane user#dynamic disability#Disabled#Chronic pain#Disability#Chronically ill
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I should have posted it about two days ago but I was too lazy :^) original template under the cut
#the funny thing about love confession - both of them decide to do it at the same day but Rolan manages to say it first#Marie is gonna be happy ofc but also a bit pissed that she didn't get to say it first and that Rolan prepared a more poetic speech#like Rolan goes: i love you and here's description of my feelings in full detail of how much you have impacted my life please respond#and Marie in the meantime: tf i was just gonna say i love you and call it a day now i feel underprepared#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 tav#tav marie#bg3 rolan#rolan#rolan bg3#bg3 rolan x tav#rolan x oc#rolan x tav#holy rolan empire#rolanites#rolan nation#template#understand my ship in 5 minutes
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act i scene i: older, childless, bachelor Barbarian!Bakugo finds you six months pregnant hiding in an empty stable during one of his clan raids--and instead of slaughtering you as a much younger him might've done...he throws you onto his cart of treasures and decides to take you home so he can start the family he never had with you and your child as his bride and baby.
#bakugo#i actually wrote a bunch out for this but i dont like it and it's too long so here you go#if i work on it some more tonight ill reblob this with it#but for now heres the premise (it's dark srry):#sh*t gets weird ofc#im imagining you got preggo at the last raid you went through but managed to survive#so it's not like you want the child anyway#and when he raids your village like lowk you dont care bc it isnt your home . plus youre not even expecting to survive#since you have no husband and are incapacitated with baby#so youre just waiting to die essentially but then this sexy barbarian saves you thinking hes being ... nice#bakugo is like. well now is a good time as any since idf like anyone in my village#and youre just like dam this sucks#anyway LMFAOOOOOO then youre in his house having this baby and the whole town is invested in this tea#and not only does bakugo have to win you over ... he has to convince u life is worth living#and that he's really gonna be the dad to your baby#you try running away after giving birth and ofc u cant do it and he has to rescue you#and youre so upset#but he washes you up and scolds you in his tongue for being stupid#and hes not gonna keep u forever if its not what u want but#he really does want the baby and you if youll have him#and everyone is rooting for him and likes u so much#even tho ur like a feral mama cat#jfalsdjkfladksjf#gen#shii posts#pregnancy tw
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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I'll bite and talk about something that doesn't get enough spotlight in general, which are Demetri's and Eli's family life. So obviously several fic authors have their own twists and flavors to this, but if I may sell you something for a sec.
So far into the series, what we've got are these facts:
Demetri's Mom is the only family member to be mentioned in the show.
Eli's parents were mentioned a couple of times.
That should be enough context to deduce two things:
Demetri could be an only child to a single mother, and;
Eli's parents involve themselves in the stuff that he does — including karate, who knows — though they tend to be tone deaf with his actual needs.
There's strong evidence to why the boys act the way they act (brain functions notwithstanding, but this isn't the post for that), which is why I think these deductions make sense. How their hypothetical upbringing is part and parcel to how characters behave in this series. Of course societal influence comes in second because obviously you've got a show that encourages learning karate as defense against bullies, but this show is also about generational chains and traumas! So why wouldn't their home life inform the way it informs the LaRusso's, Lawrence's, and Nichols'? But I digress.
In the span of the entire series, I've held onto this headcanon that Demetri's neuroticism and ability to anticipate his actions carefully stem from a household that needs these systems in place, much more for someone who likes to be on top of things. Since he's just a student, the only authoritative figure who can make executive decisions... is his mom. Add to the fact that she may be a working mom, so when Demetri tells Daniel about certain restrictions in learning karate, what could have made her decide to just write a letter instead vs. taking the time out to go with his son herself? I know I know it's narrative writing but like do you seeeee where I'm at here
Eli's family life is by far gave us early indications of his dynamic with his mother — but not so a father — in earlier seasons. It's possible that his mom is a stay-at-home one, but if I were to push the bounds of this box even further, I'd even speculate that she's retired early if it meant that Eli's dad is the one making most of the living. Like of course they'd get mad at Hawk for getting a tattoo at his age, I think any parent would! But the way he tells Aisha to exclude him from her stories tells us that there's not a lot that his parents know about the life he lives as Hawk. At this point we all know the kind of effort it takes to successfully carry it out because he has to go home every night. It's either he a) puts in a lot of effort into concealing this identity once he gets home, or b) his parents are rarely ever home, which again, feeds into another assumption that maybe Mrs. Moskowitz works certain hours.
All we know is they're never around a whole lot for these boys, which is sad! and also again, very Indicative of their classification as awkward nerds pre- and early karate. When I read along certain fics that consider and include how the rest of their characters besides the found families they've formed, it gives much more depth and potency to writing them, their flaws, and how they think.
For all we know, Mrs. Alexopoulos could be a lesbian making fun of her son for not slinging pussy like she does being rizzless unlike her, but don't let me explain that when we have @demetriandelibinaryboyfriends!
#binary boyfriends#demetri alexopoulos#eli moskowitz#cobra kai#this isn't so much an analysis as it is an obvious statement to include/consider when writing them with their home lives as factors#sure the writing in the show isn't top caliber#but to /some/ credit they've managed to give us literally bits and pieces of it before letting the boys set sail in a sea of violent waters#so let's just make do!#i need more character studies that deal with their folks. mentions of how their home life is. their dynamics.#bunny_bones_studio if you somehow happen to have a tumblr now and are reading this#this one also goes out to you because your fic about demetri's letters is so well-written (Just Wanted To Let You Know)#also highly recommend @baldwinboy5ive's fic Persistence of Vision#because the mention of either of their parents there is so well-utilized as a literary device for one Very Heartwarming segment to the fic#and again: different authors interpret this differently but i'm a bit tired of seeing similar patterns in establishing their home lives#when there's a lot we can make do with what we have and then spitball from there#i'm in the process of digging and spelunking through the archive these days! all the other great stuff is hidden in those pages!!!!
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The mortifying ordeal of your training gaps no longer being manageable <3
#guests coming over was few and far between so it was easiest to just manage the situation#but now there are unexpected guests and I have no time to put her away so people are welcomed with very loud feelings#from a very small creature#and I have gotten so much better about not being embarrassed by my dog#but my friends#it is so so uncomfortable and my brain is fried as to a training plan#I need to figure out a safe place for easy to access treats (the cats do many crimes)#and a more digestible plan to bridge training > real life sudden unannounced people
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IMPORTANT QUESTION.
#if your secret third option is ''bring the dog'' a) i don't think they will allow him on amtrak and b) he hates hiking. so much.#''swan is your dog not a border collie'' yes and he was born to work a desk job. many have said he would excel in middle management#[through gritted teeth] ghost i love you more than life itself and would throw myself into a pit of spikes to spare you a moment's pain#but right now you are standing between mummy and her calochortus. so let's work that out real quick#welcome to the hotel calochortus
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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slams fists down on beautifully crafted oak desk
#uh started the rewatch Now .Earlier ;; THEY HURT ME SO FUCKING HBABBDNDFGPOGGr#I CRIED LIKE FOUR TIMES WHILE WATCGUB THE FUCKING PILOT#it just lays it all out so perfectly#the entire time morty was like protesting to rick and complaining but when jerry was kicking him out he defended him#I cant. theyre smiling because of eachother#god i looovoreergkt how much of the stuff rick says to morty is to impress him teach him or just scare him#like the way rick blows stuff out of proportion just cause he wants to see how morty will react hes . so obsessed with him#for tHE FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE… MORTY HAS A FRIEND:&!:#and they’re so. they like speak fondly towards eachother rick is way more soft and earnest when talking to morty n morty is outwardly#impressed and fascinated with the things rick does from time to time and he trusts him#and all the emphasis on how rick sincerely only gave a shit about morty. whenever he talks to the rest of the family it’s either exaggerated#or blunt and if mortys there then hes all rick focuses on#and how it’s repeated rick Needs morty to help him . no one else not even someone more helpful and agreeable nope just morty#if it’s not morty rick doesn’t want it at all#and like even as early as the cold open for the pilot. you can see rick become impressed when morty suddenly becomes assertive once he-#actually hears the bomb and starts getting up and trying to kick rick off the drivers seat#big tough guy all of a suddenLIKE YOU CSN TELL HE DIDNT EXPRCT THAT AT ALL AND HES SURPRISED#ive been thinking a lot lately about how . one of ricks favourite qualities about morty imo is his sense of morality and refusal to just-#take stuff when it reaches a certain point. like he Loves that side of morty so much and doesn’t mind too much when it comes out because of-#something he did. yeah that part in the pilot cold open is like the first thing of that go back and look at how taken aback rick is#and i love how sheepish rick is around morty every now and then. like he so clearly tries to look cool to him and to know what he’s talking#about he needs to twist everything to be correct . all the time but also in front of morty specifically#crazyyyy crazy how he managed to find the one real morty#ohg. uitltogfo ouhkdfjrjp iuubbvv ? ledjndflfidnf#odiespeak
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Anyway I got notified that I'll be getting a nice $$ bonus from work today and I wish that I could celebrate with someone in a way that didn't just feel like obnoxious bragging. Like beyond the financial aspect, it's just nice to be recognized for good work and I actually feel... good?? about this job??
But it feels so silly to say I want to celebrate when I just got back from what felt like my first real vacation in a very long time and am doing cool comic con stuff this weekend and am scheduled for a new tattoo next weekend. I am already doing lots of things to try to make myself feel good! It feels selfish to want more!
But I guess even with all of that, there's just still a hunger for external validation from trusted sources. Will I ever grow out of wanting someone to be proud of me?
#stoned ramblings#life of faye#i swear I'm not as sad right now as this makes me sound just kinda lonely is all#work bonus#boss also said that if i wanted to take on more responsibility we could talk raises as well#and like most days I'm done by like 1 so it's not like I'm wildly overworked as it is#I'm going to set some aside for fun stuff and the rest is going in my savings#i am finally FINALLY trying to build up a savings again#it's probably a silly dream but I still want to save up for a house#so what else can i do but try and save?#rent's gone up so damned much everywhere that for somewhere halfway decent it costs about as a mortgage to rent anyway#the only reason my rent is semi-managable is because I've been here for 8 damn years so they haven't been able to drive it up as much#other apartments here start at hundreds more per month for new tenants#so i feel like I'm stuck here until i can afford a place#my one real hope is that I inherit enough from my midwest grandma when she passes to make a good down payment somewhere#sometimes to torture myself I like to go look at houses that I think are in my approximate realistic price range if i could cover the down#i want a yard for velma#i want to be able to open my blinds and/or windows and not feel like a whole apartment complex's worth of people can see me#i want a kitchen where all the burners work and I have enough counter space to work#i want a dryer system where my apartment doesn't get filled with warm wet air when the neighbors are doing their laundry#i want to do nude gardening#and have backyard bbqs with friends#i want enough dedicated space to do art that i don't constantly have to shuttle the easel around the living room and up and down the stairs#all pipe dreams i know#but hey the grandma did say that i was one of her three main inheritors in the will#so we'll see#just to be clear she has not passed but she's nearing 90 and keeps talking about it so it's hard not to think about you know?#anyway these are the sorts of things that i would talk about if I had someone to cuddle on the couch and talk to about my day#texts to nobody
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reopening the ask box is like... just finishing vacuuming shed cat hair, and then immediately going and petting said cat vigorously & watching with delight as So Much Fur sheds right back onto the floor
#knocked it down from 96 asks to 53 lets gooooo#i was gonna keep it closed for much longer but like. that was past me's opinion when they were way more stressed than usual#current me misses Conversing with the Masses! or something like that!#is it a smart decision? probably not!#between packing & comms i dont have much time#but keeping it closed felt so wrong... i dont like keep out signs....#absolutely unprompted#i forgot how time-consuming and difficult packing is#im too out of practice....#ive got all my sketchbooks and notebooks and paper and comics boxed up#Except my wof collection. im waiting for book 15 to be shipped before i box em all up. gotta keep things Together#but yes anyway sorry the box is Open for whatever your little heart desires#which is.... bad timing bc im gonna be chronically Offline tomorrow and probably a decent chunk of the next day#now if yall will excuse me im going to Attempt To Write Fanfic.#we'll see if i manage more than one sentence#i am doing. so much usps research for this shit its hilarious#like yes! i will read reddit threads! watch yt 'day in the life' videos! job listings! etc!#but hey now i know about casing and relays/loops and dps and flats and the difference between city and rural-#its fun to learn new things for writing!#i will be taking Liberties anyway! but at least they'll be a conscious decision yk yk#and if i ever post i can say 'hey i know this is inaccurate But its for the sake of the fic. im doing it on purpose! not outta ignorance!'#also i feel so so bad for cca's like... the work 'ethic' is so fucking inhumane are they ok-
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