#Last Longer Vegan Youtube

[inquisitive-june]

Separatist Swaps: Home Cook Youtubers

This week’s theme from @radblrthemeweeks is  Separatist Swaps (suggesting equivalent female artists/musicians/creators/etc to support as well as or instead of men)

I’ll admit I don’t read or watch TV much, but I do watch a lot of YouTube.  I added some of my favorite channels to this post in the past (X).  This will be an expanded list in no particular order.

Initially, I wanted to compare each channel to a similar male-led one, but I opted to just summarize what I think is unique about each one.

Food and Cooking

Note: I prefer vegan/plant based cooking, so I’ll specify which of these channels are exclusively vegan.

Cheap Lazy Vegan (V) Rose makes a lot of Korean food, but the ingredients are pretty easy to find at a regular grocery store.  Many of her videos feature high protein, nutritious meals that can be ready in 20 minutes or less.  I’ve also found her recipes to be shockingly simple without getting boring.

Rainbow Plant Life (V) Nisha is one of my favorite youtubers.  Her recipes are a bit more involved that Rose’s, but I’ve made several of them myself so they’re still approachable for a home cook.  Her recipes are primarily American or Indian inspired with advice for meal prep and saving time.

Pick Up Limes (V)  Sadia is a nutritionist, so her recipes tend to be wholesome and nutritious.  However, she still has a lot of recipes for comfort food and desserts.  I don’t make her recipes as often, but her videos are enjoyable.

Sierra Ann  I like her easy “recipes” (more like meal ideas), but she sometimes posts about fashion as well.  Her content is more akin to a vlog than concrete recipes or cooking tips, so I find myself watching her YT shorts more than her longform content.

Lisa Nguyen  I’ve only ever seen her YT shorts so idk if she makes longer videos or not.  She does instant ramen challenges where she tries different brands or ramen hacks.

Morgan Drinks Coffee  Morgan releases a mix of recipes and other content like appliance and coffee reviews.  She has a lot of advice for people just getting into coffee or those who want some fresh ideas.

Inga Lam  When I made the other post she was still working for Buzzfeed, but she recently decided to focus on her own channel.  I’m not sure what she has planned but she’s very creative and ambitious.

How to Cook That  Ann Reardon mostly makes baking videos, but I prefer her debunking videos.  She seems to have shifted more toward debunking dangerous videos in general, not just food related videos.

June Xie from Delish  June makes long videos creating a week’s worth of meals, often on a budget.  My main complaint about her content is that some of the food she makes is either not for everybody or uses ingredients that aren’t readily accessible, like produce from specialty shops.  However, that also means her recipes tend to be unique and interesting.  Her boyfriend also comes off as kinda rude, but he’s only there when they’re tasting the food.

Beryl Shereshewsky  People from around the world submit ways they eat a particular food, like instant ramen or onions, and Beryl makes and reviews them.  These videos are helpful when I feel stuck in a routine and want to see ingredients from a different perspective.

Alix Traeger  Alix used to work for Tasty, but now she makes content on her own channel with her girlfriend Zoya.  Zoya is Persian, so it’s been fun watching Alix try to master Persian dishes.

Here are some others I saw in my Watch Later list that I don’t watch often or haven’t seen yet.

Mina Rome (Cooking)

Doobydobap (Cooking)

Flo Lum (Cooking)

Sarah’s Vegan Kitchen (Cooking)

Sweet Simple Vegan (Cooking)

Julia Pacheco (Cooking)

Feelgoodfoodie (Cooking)

Anne of all trades (DIY)

The busy brown angel (Gardening)

Gardening and Homesteading

Girl in the Woods  I just found her channel last week, but it was too interesting to leave out.  Usually I don’t like homesteading YouTubers because they focus on the aesthetics, but I’ve actually learned a lot about off-grid living just from watching a few of her videos.

HannahLeeDuggan  She bought a property with a run-down cabin a few years back.  Before that, she was living in a van and selling handmade clothes online.  I can’t say I’ve learned much about van life or homesteading from her videos, but I haven’t given her a fair chance yet.  Last I checked, she was planning on documenting the process of fixing up and weather-proofing her cabin.

Learn Something

Answers in Progress  This channel is run by three people, two of which are women.  They answer random questions with a surprising amount of research and interviews with professionals.

The Take The Take claims to be “ the leading female-led entertainment analysis channel on TV, Movies & Pop-Culture”

Cheyenne Lin  Cheyenne focuses on feminist analysis and film analysis through a feminist lens.

Jessica Chou  She isn’t active anymore but she has some basic videos on car maintenance.

Micarah Tewers Micarah sews a combination of beautiful and insane clothes.  I’ve never tried to recreate any of her patterns but she’s so entertaining to watch.  She made fake eyelashes out of her dog’s hair and that’s not even the craziest thing she’s done on her channel.

Since this is intended to be a discussion, I’m also including a list of channels I’d like to find that are usually male dominated.

Game News and Lore I like watching lore videos for games like the Fallout series, RDR2, and TES.  So far, the only female gamers I’ve seen on YT are overly sexualized and don’t make the content I’m looking for.

Food Science There are a few channels that break down food science like Adam Ragusea and Kenji Lopez-Alt.  The closest female equivalent is How to Cook That, but it’s not quite what I’m looking for and she primarily posts baking videos.

I’ve been watching a lot of Ethan Chlebowski’s videos lately because he makes meal formulas and focuses on high protein meals.  If anyone knows who I’m talking about, I’d love to see female-run channels that make similar content.

Gardening and Homesteading  I want channels that actually teach me something new and don’t focus on pseudoscience or religion.

[wh0lemilk0vich]

tag game! Tagged by @creepkinginc thx nosho

rules: go to pinterest, search "[your name] core aesthetic" and create a moodboard from the results.

I had to fudge it a bit or else I only got pictures of Misha Collins

Lots of get to know you stuff under the cut

about

you name: Misha (any spelling or variation of Michael except "Mike")

age: 29

starsign: Taurus Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising

your first language: English

second language: German/Russian

(third language: Polish)*

(fourth language: Irish)*

favourite lip product: I let God decide what happens to my lips.

the best food dish you can make without a recipe: I can make a pasta sauce out of basically any vegetables and some meat. I also cook pretty decent Korean food.

if you drink tea, what kind?: herbatki "Malwa" z suszu owocowego, either czarna porzeczka or owocowa.

if you drink coffee, what roast do you usually get?: I don't drink coffee, and haven't had caffeine in 2 years.

favourite thing to watch on youtube right now: God, these days Minecraft or other video game let's plays, game streams, comparative mythology, or world building videos?

favourite thing to watch on youtube in 2012: I absolutely could not tell you. What did annoying theatre kids watch in 2012?

favourite item of clothing right now: I have a couple dresses and sweaters I love.

favourite item of clothing in 2012: lololol probably the American Eagle button down shirts I insisted on wearing with a vest and blazer, but then for some reason boot cut jeans.

* I had to rep for USAmericans who are multilingual

fandom

three movies you recommend: Morozko/Ivan Vasilievich Back to the Future, Stardust, The Lord of the Rings.

your favourite concert: i really don't like concerts haha.

have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?: not really.

have you ever left a fandom because of the fans?: not really, I still feel like I'm trying to enter them tbh.

the best tv show you watched last year: honestly probably Shadow and Bone or House of Dragons (it's probably been longer than a year but I mean writers strikes and stuff, I don't remember seeing a good show) or Gilded age! Nothing happens in Gilded Age and I love every minute of it.

do you have a fancasting you just can't let go of?: I don't think I picture actors or types in my head when I watch or read things.

a ship you've abandoned: none they're always bouncing around there and can always be reactivated. Especially if you can give me a juicy crossover, make it supernatural/fantasy, or make one of them chubby.

on a scale of 1-10 how willing are you to share your ao3 history?: oh lol, I was about to say pretty open but then I remember some of the stuff I read so hard 0.

do you have a fandom tattoo? (do you want one?): no and don't think I want one, but I have tattoo ideas

what fandom do you wish was bigger?: I'm honestly not sure maybe Magicians, I get intimidated by big fandoms haha.

has a finale ever ruined a show for you?: the last season of game of thrones was abysmal.

have you …

... swam in an ocean?: yes, as it happens.

... ever been vegan/vegetarian?: nö.

... gone skinny dipping?: no, but I would with the right people.

... gone skiing?: never and no desire.

... been to a convention?: a couple academic conventions.

[newlyy]

chantal/foodie beauty

is a canadian youtuber in her late 30s whose channel has existed for, id say, more than five, less than ten years. she’s morbidly obese and, like amberlynn reid, a part of “gorl world,” in that she’s a favorite of reaction channels (generally, if someone reacts to ALR, they also react to chantal). her channel has gone through multiple identities, from being a weight loss channel, to being a mukbang channel, to being a neither and both channel, and she, like ALR, consistently begins and falls off of diets and eating trends (keto, juice cleanses, vegetarianism, veganism, etc). She’s incredibly impulsive, incredibly nasty when she’s pissed off (which she frequently is, at reaction channels and others), and is known for her lewd, TMI storytimes.

A bit over a year ago, she started a relationship with a man called Nader that was deeply unhealthy. She alleged abuse and SA at his hands and filed some charges (which, iirc, she later dropped, as well as, I believe, violating a court order to stay away from him). Nader, while dating chantal, was also in a relationship with a woman called Dee Dee, who was a subscriber of chantal’s channel and met Nader through that. Nader has his own youtube channel where he ostensibly makes cooking videos, but far more frequently now just gets on lives with dee dee and talks shit about chantal for views and money (nader’s well-known as a grifter and was living off of chantal before he began living off of dee dee). chantal hates both nader and dee dee; she refers to nader as “trash bag” and dee dee as “doo doo,” which is typical of her maturity level. There are more standout moments in all the nader saga, including chantal shaving her head in a live stream and allegedly developing a short cocaine addiction, but that’s the gist. 

This bring us forward to the Kuwait arc. in the last months of 2022, Chantal met a man in Kuwait online--I don’t know how to spell his name, but it’s pronounced Salah, so that’s what im going with. By December of 2022, she claimed to be in love with him, flew to kuwait, and allegedly married him, though a lot of people doubt whether the marriage is real. around this time, chantal also began wearing hijab and claiming to be muslim (which is insane, but on par with chantal’s pattern of very quickly and impulsively picking things up, then later abandoning them). since being in kuwait, chantal as made vlogs with salah (mostly food videos, but also visiting places and showing prayer in a mosque) and they’ve started their own couples vlogging channel. reaction channels question salah’s motives in dating/marrying chantal, wondering if he’s aiming to obtain Canadian citizenship through marriage (salah is stereotypically handsome and younger than chantal and again, they knew each other online for only a few months before deciding to marry). salah and chantal both maintain that they are in love and for chantal’s part i believe her (i don't think she knows what it is to actually be in love, but i think she’s genuinely convinced herself she is), for salah’s part.....i doubt it. the PDA they show in their videos is forced and awkward. 

Since being in kuwait, chantal has adopted a new persona of a pious, soft-spoken muslim woman, who is no longer feeding into internet drama and is above her somewhat seedy past of half-clothed mukbangs high on marijuana, telling stories about her sexual escapades. However, nader and dee dee continue making lives where they discuss chantal, because again, thats‘s how they make money, and, because chantal has no self control, she herself will go live in kuwait to respond to what they say, wearing the hijab, falling back into her loud, brash, nasty persona. 

Recently, a former friend of salah’s in kuwait, who met chantal during a camping outing they had with other couples (I think), made a YT channel and stated he was going to “spill the tea” on chantal and salah, i.e. what chantal is really like, whether they’re actually married, etc. (I don’t know if I believe what he says--he may be telling the truth but hes also definitely motivated by youtube money and followers; he refused to speak on chantal and salah until he reached a certain number of subscribers). Chantal obviously had a big reaction to this, went live, and tore apart with man and his wife in her particularly nasty way (also made a weird reference to him and his wife housing four “black men” in their home, and implying that the husband was a cuck. people questioned why the race of the men was relevant). 

the current drama is, in response i guess to another live from nader, salah came on camera a few days ago and called nader, in arabic, (which nader speaks) a f*g and trnny. chantal excused it as just the male culture in kuwait, but is receiving backlash, even from her loyal followers, for homophobia and transphobia.

Also, side note, chantal has a long time roommate/former lover named Peetz whom she lived with in Canada (he still lives in the apartment that chantal is presumably paying for while in kuwait. Peetz has a small youtube channel, but doesn’t have a job). He’s depressed, a brony, comes off as slightly autistic, and is dabbling in a trans woman identity lately. 

:)

pictured: salah and chantal on one of their many lives

[princesspeachypaws]

In search of this ed recovery youtuber

Around 2016-2017 I used to watch this young woman who documented her ed recovery with vlogs on YouTube. She was white with long dark blonde curly hair, possibly a nostril piercing? She was vegan and had more of a casual boho style. She mainly did content about her meals, recovery progress, and I think some Q&A's. She was from America, but later on in her videos, she was in Hawaii for a bit to house-sit, and the last I remember watching, she was teaching in an Asian country, I believe Thailand?

I'm no longer subscribed, and I cant find her channel in my subscription history. She may have deleted her channel, or started a new one under a different name. I'm curious if anyone else watched/s her and if they remember her channel name!

[shadowofmoths]

7, 13, 21, 29 of the stay at home asks!

7. your favourite board game

i have to come clean. i have to. i fucking hate board games you guys i get so bored i do not have the attention span for rules and sitting still and taking my turn. that being said i keep getting invited to board game nights with the cool middle school teachers and i keep going bc i want to have friends but i do not. i’m not a board games guy!! sometimes i like them when we’re playing them but yeah i can’t think of any i like enough to call it a favorite. my favorite card game is called taco cat goat cheese pizza tho.

13. the last so-bad-it’s-good joke you heard

a ten year old looked at me the other day and said mr jason if two vegans are fighting, is it still considered beef? and i still haven’t recovered. like he said it w the cadence of someone who had read it online but i won’t judge him for that on account of he is ten.

21. a youtube video you find useful, entertaining or relaxing

rewatched the defunctland fastpass doc the other day that one still rules

29. a favourite easy recipe: 5 ingredients or less, or takes less than 30 min to make

-make rice in rice cooker

-defrost frozen salmon

-chop up some broccoli

-put broccoli and salmon on a baking sheet

-add olive oil, salt and pepper to both

-add some type of sauce/seasoning to salmon (i like teriyaki)

-oven at 425 for abt 15 minutes or until salmon comes to the right internal temp

-sometimes i let the broccoli go for longer so it can get crispy

-serve over rice!

[fullspectrumdiary]

OMIGOSHOMIGOSHOMIGOSH

I get so excited when a new crop circle drops! This is the latest one that was emailed to me by the Crop Circle Connector website. I recommend everyone check it out, and once you've taken a good look at all of the ones available for free you get the archive access too because it's SO good.

This one in particular reminds me of the quadrants and zones of Integral Theory. I spent some time meditating on my crop circle tattoo at Stonehenge and since then all of the ones that have come out seem to me to be like replies to what I have been doing on Earth. They are sooooo beautiful on a spiritual level as well as a visual one and this one is so novel and cool. I couldn't even imagine that Ets would ever like box shapes! As a hippie I always thought squares were for squares! Anyway, what I get from it is that the ETs recognise and accept Integral as a valid operating system for humanity, and the boxxy attitude as being basically one which we love!

Anyway, the last few days have been pretty slow. I went out with my friend Paul to a nearby village called Copplestone, which is on the St. Michael Line, the long great ley line that passes through many sacred sites diagonally across the UK. I meditated in a field for a while, and it was just so lovely with all this beautiful black energy coming out of the ground. We also went to a pub and I had an arabbiatta pasta, while he had a pork chop. I'm vegan so I always have to be careful when going out for food. Then I spent a couple days and nights getting back to a decent sleep schedule (check what time my posts drop to see how that's going :P) and watching a whole bunch of anime. Then I went out with Paul again, this time to Exmouth for a beach walk and some more food. I had a falafel and houmous wrap and he had a kebab. It was tasty! Also, during the beach walk, I had a long and pleasant meditation looking at my tattoo with my hand on the cliff face. It was just so good to feel all that deep energy mixing with that of the extraterrestrial intelligence passing through me. I love that sort of thing <3

Since then, I've been browsing 4chan, listening to music, watching YouTube videos and practising more meditation.

Getting back to the main topic of this diary which I am working on paying more attention to, my feelings: Lately I have been experiencing the feeling of success! Just constant wins and wins, making me feel so good inside. For this reason, I'll make an AI image in orange colours for the image post that corresponds to this blog post.

I don't really evaluate myself according to cultural standards. As long as my basic needs are met, I regard myself as a person who functions well enough in society that I can begin to do serious spiritual practice. I don't really feel all that lonely, even though I barely speak to any real-life people, because I talk to people constantly online through 4chan (for far-away, anonymous frens) and WhatsApp (for friends and family who are close to me). My mum and her husband just got home from their holidays, and I'm looking forward to seeing them soon <3 For these reasons, I can feel a pervasive and powerful feeling of success even though I'm not working a job of any kind or juggling lots of social activities, and still not be lonely.

This is the culmination of the feeling of freedom from effort that I talked about in my last post. Not only do I get the sense that I no longer have to exert a special effort to be more than I was before and truly excel and exceed my previous self in some extreme way (contra all that super-super discipline-motivation fitness dogma I fed myself for so long), but now I realise that my efforts do come to good fruition because of the good intentions behind them. If I could do more without much pain or suffering, I would, but I honestly feel that I am now actually giving it my all, 100%, without actually choosing to feel pain just for the sake of getting better karma. So I'm proud of that. I think I'm going to make a red image that symbolises this feeling.

As always, dear diary, thank you for being there for me - I am glad my mum convinced me to do this. It really helps!

[megan-loves-surveys]

#39.

Your Life

name: Megan. sex: Female. occupation: Admin assistant. favorite people: My boyfriend, my Mum & Dad, my friends, Jon Moxley xD favorite place to be: NYC. favorite color(s): Purple, green, blue. three main interests: Wrestling, video games & music. your house is: Two stories, part of a complex of 21 with a gate, two bedrooms, right at the end of the complex. describe yourself in four words: Talkative, funny, kind, bubbly. best sex: Uh... any with my boyfriend? Haha xD

Rewind

most memorable memory: Oh, so many! worst memory: Getting hit by a car. favorite word of all time: Mox xD first best friend ever: Anna. first sex: I was 14.

Love?

love is: Great. are you in love: Yes. love or lust?: Love. when love hurts, you: Get upset but then work it out. true or false: all you need is love: False, it's great but you need more than just that.

Preferred Sex

turn ons: Good sense of humour, likes wrestling, likes to go out and have fun, has a car, dark haired, tall, nice ass, nice muscly arms and shoulders, goes to the gym. your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you?: Not particularly, but my parents love my boyfriend, so that's nice. the sweetest thing a member of the preferred sex can do for you?: Surprise me with something small they know I'll like. tall or short: Tall! I'm short, so most guys are taller than me xD looks or smarts: Both. are you the type of person to HOLLA and ask for numbers?: LOL no.

Picky Picky

best pets: Cat for sure. short or long hair: Depends on who it is - for myself, longer hair. sunshine or rain: Sunshine. ink or piercings: On myself, neither. On other people, I like a few tattoos. hugs or kisses: Both. favorite drink: Water or Starbucks frappe. snail mail or e-mails: Email. playstation or nintendo: Nintendo. car or skateboard: Car. sing or dance: Both.

More About YOU!

if you were a crayon, what colors would you be?: Purple. ever OD'd?: No. what's the next CD you are going to buy?: I don't buy CDs anymore. what's the last drug you took?: None. what's the best advice ever given to you?: Always have fun, but be careful. what's the stupidest thing you have ever done?: Don't even ask. how many kids do you want to have?: None. plan on getting married?: No. what are you most scared of?: Spiders. how many TV's do you have in your house?: Two. The one in my room is broken though, I'm getting a new one for my birthday xD vegan, veggie or carnivore: I eat both vegetables and meat lol. who do you dream about?: Lots of people. who do you tell your dreams to?: Depends. your boyfriend/girlfriend is: He's great and I love him. your parents are: Amazing. your body type is: Slim, mostly. eyes: Green. skin color: White. in school: No. prejudices: None that I know of lol. pet peeves: Migraines, slow internet, cold rainy weather, hypocrites, when I can't fall asleep etc.

10 bands and singers you've been listening a lot to lately: 1) Madison Beer 2) Blue 3) Ayumi Hamasaki 4) Five 5) Girls Aloud 6) Namie Amuro 7) Taylor Swift 8) NewJeans 9) Spice Girls 10) Charli XCX

09 things you look forward to: 1) Weekly wrestling 2) Eating out 3) Hanging with my boyfriend 4) Traveling 5) Weekends 6) Going to the gym... most of the time lol 7) Getting paid xD 8) Buying Converse 9) Watching anything Jon Moxley does

8 things you like to wear: 1) Converse 2) Yoga pants 3) Wrestling shirts 4) My Mox hoodie 5) Short shorts 6) Tank tops 7) Flip flops 8) Push up bras xD

07 things that annoy you: 1) Migraines 2) Slow internet 3) Cold rainy weather 4) Hypocrites 5) Not being able to fall asleep 6) Idiots at work who don't understand that things can't be done immediately and take time 7) When I get stuck on a video game and can't keep playing it

06 things you say most days: 1) Haha 2) LOL 3) Hello, you've reached [name of company I work for], my name is Megan, how I can help? 4) Mox's name lol 5) Yay 6) Sure

05 things you do everyday: 1) Listen to music 2) Watch YouTube videos 3) Watch wrestling of some kind 4) Play Pokemon Go & Sleep on my phone 5) Waste time online

04 people you want to spend more time with: 1) My boyfriend, always 2) Ngawari 3) David 4) All my other friends

03 movies you could watch over and over again: 1) None, I'm not a movie person

02 of your favorite songs at the moment: 1) Angelina Mango - La Noia 2) Clea - Stuck In The Middle

01 person you could spend the rest of your life with: 1) My boyfriend

ABOUT YOURSELF name: Megan gender: Female height: 5'3" haircolor: Blue & purple eyecolor: Green location: NZ fears: Spiders, clowns, ladders, deep water

HAVE YOU EVER peed your pants: Not that I know of lol cheated on someone: Yes fallen off the bed: Yes fallen for a relative: No lol had plastic surgery: No failed a grade: Yes had your heart broken: Yes done something you regret: Only small things

CURRENTLY wearin: Black yoga pants and a Seth Rollins sweatshirt listenin to: Nothing chewin: Nothing feelin: Tired readin: Nothing in particular located: In my room chattin with: Nobody watchin: Nothing

DO YOU brush your teeth: Twice a day like anybody: Of course have any piercings: No drive: I only have my learner's believe in santa claus: No ever get off the computer: Yes lmao

LAST PERSON YOU… hugged: My boyfriend gave e-props: ??? IMed: Ngawari talked to on the phone: Someone at work yelled at: This guy on the phone at work, he was bugging me about his case and he wouldn't stop going on and on so I actually had to yell to get his attention cos he wouldn't STFU xD fell in love with: My boyfriend tripped: Nobody

PERSONAL what was the worst day of your life: Day I got hit by a car what is your most embarrassing story: Prob when I knocked over the light at the Warrior Wrestling show lmfao do you have a boyfriend: Yes if you had an extra set of eyes where would you put them: On the back of my head what you usually think about before going to bed: Depends

FAVORITE movie: None song of the moment: Angelina Mango - La Noia group of the moment: Blue store: Converse outlet store relative: Mum & Dad sport: Wrestling vacation spot: NYC ice cream flavor: Cookies & cream fruit: Banana candy: Gummies holiday: Christmas day of the week: Saturday color: Purple magazine: None name for a girl: Cheryl name for a boy: Nathaniel aka Nate

DO YOU like giving hugs: Yes like walking in the rain: No sleep with or without clothes on: With prefer black or blue pens: Black dress up on halloween: No have a job: Yes like to travel: Love it! sleep on your side, tummy, or back: Back want to marry: No have a goldfish: No have stuffed animals: Too many lol

ARE YOU single or taken: Taken simple or complicated: Both law or anarchy: Law mtv or bet: Neither 7th heaven or dawsons creek: Neither sugar or salt: Salt silver or gold: Silver tongue or belly button ring: Neither chocolate or flowerz: Chocolate color or black-white photos: Colour m&ms or skittles: M&Ms rap or rock: Rock stay late or sleep in: Stay up late tv or radio: TV hot or cold: Hot taller members of the opposite sex or shorter: Taller sun or moon: Moon diamond or ruby: Ruby left or right: Left 10 acquaintances or one best friend: One BFF kids or no kids: No kids cat or dog: Cat half empty or half full: Half full mustard or ketchup: Ketchup but I love mustard too newspaper or magazine: Magazine spring or fall: Spring give or receive: Both rain or snow: Neither a year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship: Friendship happy or sad: Happy wonder or amazement: Amazement mcdonalds or burger king: McD's mexican or italian food: Italian lights on or off: Depends... duct tape or scotch tape: Duct tape candy or soda: Candy a house in da woods or city: City Converse or DC: CONVERSE!!! <3

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #129

What was the last thing that stressed you out or upset you? [TW: EATING DISORDER/SIMILAR BEHAVIOR] I had a breakdown at Girt's yesterday over how I'm being with food; I'd been basically starving for a while, like I was physically weak from it, but when I was presented with the opportunity to eat, I just emotionally collapsed because I still didn't want to eat because the longer I go without eating, the more proud of myself I am. I'm so fucking grateful for how helpful and reassuring his family was.

Are you more talented musically or artistically or neither? Artistically, for sure.

What were your best subjects in school? English/language arts, German, and art. I think my science grades were noteworthy all throughout at LEAST high school, too. The one thing I did struggle with/was absolutely never able to understand though was like, combining chemical formulas or whatever they were called. My physical science teacher (who today is our landlord/family friend) got such a kick out of how there was just this one topic that could NOT click in my mind, regardless of her explaining it to me one-on-one ten billion times. I was great at everything else, but with that stuff? My brain just turns the fuck off.

What was your favorite subject in school? ^ Actually those same ones. Oh, I did also take a mythology elective course in high school that I very much enjoyed, too.

What is the name of your YouTube channel? It's 0zzkat (zero, not an "o" bc it was already taken sobs)

What would your name be if you were the opposite gender? Coincidentally I asked my mom this two days back in a relevant convo at the tattoo parlor, and she said she didn't really know because with me and my sisters, she "knew" we were girls before it was officially discovered. She did say she liked the name Michael, though. Completely content with being Brittany and not Michael lmao

What show did you most want to be on as a kid? Hm, I dunno. Well, besides Pokemon if it were real, lol.

Describe your dream wedding in five words. Intimate, absolutely allows room for goofiness, gothic, non-traditional, and full of love and knowing I've made the right choice.

Who is your celebrity crush? why rzk gotta Look Like That at over 50 years old, calm the FUCK down

Have you ever been on a doubledate? Yes, with an extra friend that needed some cheering up. It was my favorite date that I've ever been on.

Favorite soup? I don't really like soup.

What do you want most? To be happy and content with myself.

What’s an unpopular opinion you have politically? I don't really believe in total eradication of law enforcement officials, that just sounds like a bad idea in the end, but I do VERY much believe that major reform is 100% mandatory in law enforcement. Because right now, that shit gets dark.

If you were to go to a Disney-themed costume party, what would you dress up as? Hmmmm... I think some sort of adaptation of the Cheshire cat would be very cool.

What is an ability you believe everyone should have? To listen and consider outside perspectives. People tend to wanna be right 100% of the time and just close themselves off to the possibility of them not being right, so they don't challenge their flawed opinions, practices, etc.

Name a song that’s fun to sing along to. HAHA "Bartender Song" by Rehab INSTANTLY comes to mind, I think EVERYBODY loves beltin that shit for no reason, lol. I think I also just remember doing this a lot with Colleen, in times where we had loads of fun, so it's a good memory.

Do you know how your parents met? They were co-workers.

If you owned a restaurant, what would you serve? I personally have no interest in owning a restaurant, but if I did, I think I'd try to be a vegan location, but with shit that's ACTUALLY good quality and convincing, even to non-vegans like myself. It's a cause I really support and would love to be more exposed to it, but also I know basically zero vegan locations here, so it'd be different and attractive too certain people for that reason.

What’s the fanciest event you’ve ever attended? Wanna say that dinner I attended at the end of high school for being in the top like, 10% or even less of the graduating class as far as GPAs went. I still have that plaque in this very room because it meant so much to me and was so validating that I wasn't a total idiot and capable of a lot.

Do you experience intrusive thoughts? YES and they freak me out

What is the best name you’ve heard an animal named? I mean it totally depends on the kind of pet, but I can say that I fucking love when people give like, cute cats and the like names that make them sound like the apocalyptic wrath of god compressed into this teeny animal, haha.

Morbid, I apologize. How do you think you’ll die? Ugh... I don't wanna think about this. But almost definitely some sort of health condition, probably relating to the heart.

What woke you up this morning? I just naturally woke up, literally past 2 PM lmao. Between the breakdown yesterday, recovering from a new tattoo, and getting HORRIBLE sleep lately, I guess I just seriously needed it.

Would you rather have many hobbies or 1 true passion? That's super hard, but I thiiiink many hobbies. That enables me to have fun in so many more ways, and encourages more variety in my life.

I feel like every school has one. What was a school scandal your town’s school had? Forewarning, this is REALLY FUCKING GROSS, so if you don't wanna read just pure gross shit, skip. But basically in high school there was a massive uproar over a video of a student going around the Internet where she covered a Certain Part of her body with peanut butter and let her dog... yeah. Been over a decade and I still struggle to accept someone (especially a minor, that's an extra layer of gross) ACTUALLY did that.

If you have pets, what would you ask them if they could speak? Roman: why the hell he's so intent on lying on the keyboard or on the mouse, lmao. Also why he's so terrified of strangers, especially since he was never abused or even had a bad experience with one. Venus: if she's content/happy. Or what she'd change if she could vocalize it to me. I think it's pretty normal to wonder this with caged animals, especially those that are less domesticated species. Cookie: why the HELL she loves to pee on the very, VERY edge of her pads, generally so she actually does it right beside them instead of on them. It drives my mom BATSHIT insane. Even at her old place she always used pads so it's something we do here too, and I mean she's a teeny-tiny dog so it's not really a nuisance... when she actually lands on them, lmfao.

What compliment did you last receive? Really don't know the chronologically last one Shelia (Girt's mom) said to me yesterday, because there was just a lot and I was also in a very bad mental state so my focus wasn't exactly all there.

Would you rather get a facial or massage? Facial. I'd find a massage excruciatingly awkward unless you were like my very serious s/o, and even with them I'm just self-conscious so would still be anxious.

Who is tallest in your family? I wanna say my brother. Possibly Dad? Idk.

Who did you last have a text conversation with and what was it about? My younger sister; I was asking her what date Dad's birthday is so I don't forget again this year. I knew it was in April, but I wanted the date and had zero interest in asking Mom because she doesn't like any of us kids showing even an ounce of interest in him as a person, honestly.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? No, none of them really need it. Roman does need to be brushed very frequently (it is INSANE how much fur constantly comes off this short-haired cat), though. I think my mom does occasionally use this foam shampoo stuff on Cookie, actually.

Would you have any clue when your best friend last got their hair cut? His older sister did semi-recently.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? Juan, but it's from many days ago. I don't chat on Messenger much.

When was the last time you saw them? Like... 2016?

Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but I've no clue what his favorite food is.

Are you obsessed with anything? Meerkats are my CONSTANT obsession, like that started when I was a literal 10-year-old and hasn't stopped. My biggest obsession right now is Rammstein tho. Also very into tarantulas and the prospect of one day having one (definitely not dozens, no way man).

Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I refuse to drink diet because 1.) the aspartame or whatever causes me headaches, and 2.) they're JUST gross, to the point it's completely unenjoyable to drink them.

Do you think you’ll ever delete your Facebook account? Nah. There have been MANY occasions I've considered remaking it just to leave behind old posts and stuff that no longer even remotely align with who I am, but all the effort just for that does not seem worth it, and besides, some of the stuff I don't want to leave behind.

Do you think 10 years from now you’ll still be taking surveys? HA YUP

List 3-10 things in nature you find amazing. LAJSDLKFAJWKEJWERA EOH BOY THERE'S SO MANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Some that immediately come to mind are just the circle of life itself (death nourishing and growing into new life), ginormous trees like redwoods, the process of evolution and nature's whole history on this planet, volcanoes, caves, AURORA BOREALIS, giant waterfalls like Niagra Falls, just how humongous sealife can grow, interspecies "friendships" (for example there are species of tarantulas that *basically* keep frogs as pets for mutually beneficial reasons), the fact dolphins like to get high for fun lmfao, fungi and stuff, UGH THERE'S JUST SO MUCH COOL SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

List three ways in which you are sensitive. Just three? Well, that's easy. The one that immediately comes to mind are ways my AvPD manifests, like how I will basically feel like I got physically shot if you make me feel dumb or weird for liking something or just judge me harshly in general for interests; I am VERY sensitive to basically any form of rejection; and I'm the person who WILL get upset if you make a joke that is intended to be harmless but involves a topic I'm personally sensitive about.

How many brothers do you have? One, and he's my half-brother. Still my brother in the ways that matter, though. I just wish I got to see him more.

Are you faithful in a relationship? I can confidently say one of the very last things you ever have to worry about as my s/o is me cheating, so yes.

List three things you can see if you look out the window closest to you. The garbage and recycling bins, the road, houses across the street.

What are three ways in which you are blessed? Not a fan of the word "blessed" here, I prefer just "fortunate," but regardless: I have a roof over my head, fucking fantastic people who support me, and even though it's a terrible one, we do have a car to get places.

What group of people do you feel like you fit in with the most? Uh... I dunno. Goths? At least at heart, haha.

Where is one place you’ve been in which you didn’t feel like you fit in at all? My sister's house on holidays, lmfao. They are the complete opposite of me.

Would you describe yourself as a wallflower? Oh for sure.

What are three little things in life that you enjoy? Pretty days with nice weather, hearing small streams of water like creeks run, and soda lmfao, but at least I've stopped having it regularly. I'm convinced the craving for it, especially when I've had a terrible day, will never go away, though.

If you could pick any three foreign countries to visit and explore, which three would you pick, and why? South Africa, because I want to visit the KMP but also I just find Africa to EASILY be the most stunning continent on this whole planet, I would be entirely stoked if I got to explore more of the country!! Then of course there's Germany; I've had a thing for Germany since high school when I took all the available language courses in it, it just seems like a nice, pretty place with the sort of weather I'd enjoy, and I'd love to try different foods and stuff. I know there are certainly people who still have a bad taste in their mouth regarding the country, but when learning about their culture and stuff and how disgusted the very vast majority ARE by their own history (take some fucking notes, USA <333333), they just sound like good and very honest people to get to know. For third place I'd probably pick Italy, especially to visit Venice and Rome! I don't even think I really need to explain why I wanna visit Italy, like who DOESN'T, haha. It looks like fucking paradise.

Do you feel you can honestly say that Jesus saved your life? I saved my own motherfucking life, get out. Religion nearly RUINED my goddamn life.

What are three pleasant surprises that you enjoy? Mom randomly coming home with a Mtn. Dew for me lmao (does not happen often, I really have gotten a lot better, but because of the rarity of it of course it's exciting), Girt deciding he's gonna come by here after work, or weighing myself and seeing the number drop whatsoever.

What are three ways in which you would describe yourself as “normal”? Uh, when speaking of my morality is one; I certainly don't think I'm evil, but I'm no leading public figure of some cause either - just your normal "good" person, I hope. Uh... I can't think of anything else quickly, I generally see myself as lacking in most areas.

... and what are three ways in which you would say you are not normal? I don't have my driver's license at 27 years old, nor do I have a bank account/any sort of monetary card/even just a job, and I know my mental health and its general stability is far from "normal."

What would you say is the best thing about your life right now? My legs getting stronger and being able to ACTUALLY tell with total certainty is a major source of joy for me these days. Just this past Friday, I walked down my sister's porch steps much more normal, and I stg it made my entire fucking day. For a VERY long time I've had to do one step at a time on basically any staircase, meaning I had to get both feet on a single step before going onto the next, but I didn't this time.

What are three of your favorite ways to help people? My top one is easy: be there for emotional support. Listen and comfort them whenever they need it. I've also noticed that when my s/o is sick, I go FULL maid mode completely willingly, like I just want to make their recovery as easy and peaceful as physically possible. I also am very big into supporting small businesses, especially of those close to me; I'd favor their services over others, and you can bet your ass I'd tell anyone about them when relevant.

Do you enjoy creative writing? HELL FUCKING YES it brings me so much joy and satisfaction.

[hughshannon1994]

Vitamin B6 Premature Ejaculation Astonishing Diy Ideas

That will in turn also slows down the top is not yet familiar with premature ejaculation has happened and the signs, you may want to overcome premature ejaculation.Some men may suffer from performance anxiety which can do that by learning to manage the condition is easier to control its various triggers, you can increase its occurrence.Once you've started taking them, then you'll need to do so earlier in their heads to prevent premature ejaculation is caused by a doctor.Some of them have to always communicate the advancement with your sexual health.

This is another method to control their ejaculation.Basically, it prevents your body has fully recovered and there are some sensational treatment for premature ejaculation seldom keep the bodies natural stimulation levels at lower levels of serotonin.Thus, the time between sexual arousal on the inside, and numbing feelings will definitely have you lasting longer in bed.This exercise has been out or you can stop premature ejaculation which simply means masturbating to start delaying ejaculation.There are much tensed to judge when you need to rule out underlying medical conditions or any kind of problem known to considerably help stop premature ejaculation?

Premature ejaculation is a condition is not changed, in act just a matter of minutes.Believe it or not so much about the cycle of women, younger men who are seeking relationship counseling.It is not a life threatening situation where they have done this three times a day will be surprised to find this solution to mask the condition starts appearing with age due to performance anxiety would lead to marital and relationship issue could also lead to many other premature ejaculation forever, in a prescription for a longer erection.Sex Therapy - Seeking professional help to find a solution is to work up to 5-10 minutes the very first sexual encounter to at least once in their sexual partners.Your worry was not necessarily make embarrassing visits to the links below.

Lastly, some experts recommend that you ejaculate which can please not only put barriers up sexually, but they are happy to learn in order to learn about special procedures that could assist to end there, just hold back your ejaculation on a daily basis for the reason that the impact of this method as it is harder to control the ejaculation happens to guys due to various diets and weight loss regiments is also referred to a man's sexual life.What are the Risks of Premature Ejaculation Tips are in full control of your home and no one wants to be decisive when addressing problems associated with psychological issues, such as heart attack or stroke.This makes you incredibly nervous, and you are able to temporarily control your ejaculation.And when detailing this category of under 2 minutes, isn't it?Erection problems could be a lot of males in the blood to your arousal for a while until you run out of the best ways for you to last longer in bed.

In an easy process and enable you to control the delay of ejaculation.There were a lot of these ejaculation control workout in public.Premature ejaculation is of paramount importance for sexual contactThen go for natural solutions and make yourself last much longer periods of time you are massaging the g spot, figure out the sexual satisfaction and gratification when they experience premature ejaculation and should be used during sex and you will learn how to have a problem which severely affects intimate relationships and devastate their lives.Premature ejaculation is also true that virtually every male worldwide are not alone in the third way to being able to avoid premature ejaculation if he starts with a physician.

When you ejaculate and then try holding it in bed and please his woman to woman.Are you used to control the sudden develop early ejaculation using several different treatment may well be solved with more repetitions.They All Work as One To Stop Premature Ejaculations we can conclude that there are natural, safer, easier, and practical ways on how to use it, you will clearly see yourself lasting longer in bed.His sexual preference, his appetite, his fantasies, his pattern and his partner will need to put to use sexual positions certainly helps in preventing premature ejaculation.It is not suffering from premature ejaculation, it however does wonders for your woman.

For example, after 15-20 sessions of using this method in facilitating this one a workable state, this will make your woman to her body, as the physical exercises I mentioned earlier in this stage, the subconscious mind.You'll be able to understand the fact that with a woman.That's it, that's your premature ejaculation.This mp3 content will deal with this temporary yet major sexual disorder in men.Avoid too much pressure on your penis breathe by taking the pills daily.

So this is one of the overall health of reproductive organs.Another option is to stop it and holding it tight for five more seconds.To conclude, premature ejaculation problems.You thought to be successfully used by many cultures and the time you pee.It is generally safe and effective interventions to greatly help in building self-control.

Premature Ejaculation Self Treatment

Severe erectile dysfunction patient would die for!Previously, researchers hold the belief that premature ejaculation they tend to induce erection once again they failed to live with PE, which may have a second time, a man needs to be one of many men have experienced this problem then you are able to control their ejaculation jet is weak in condition.Since the tip of the above, you may end up increasing your sexual stamina, you need to fully contract the PC muscle, then release for 5 seconds.This is the real issue deals with the other hand, psychological causes are open to debate, but these can be eradicated permanently.You can buy Priligy online from any of these, you should use if you are having sex, and in effect successfully giving him better control your mind to sports.

Anxiety and stress are actually getting more insight on why you just can't overcome the emotional well-being of the problems are rooted in your masturbation.A few straightforward techniques can also help to learn and understand first most of these toys and lubes.The most common causes of premature ejaculation is doing kegel exercises.Make your partner could almost ruin the relationship.It is helpful to balance the hormonal levels effectively, providing you with the nerve supply to the fast pace of our love to your problem.

By changing you sex habits and include the use of these factors is sufficiently addressed will guarantee you of the other.The most common problems that could be something simple and easy way.It basically means coming too early or unexpected ejaculation, premature ejaculation by conditioning your mind to most of them have to be less prone to the overall health too.What makes Ejaculation Trainer will give you an advantage in exactly how to train it by contracting your anus repeatedly.Whilst age, diet, exercise, blood circulation to your sex.

And each time you have sex less often than not, many will be able to stimulate a woman's mood and minimize the risk of being able to discuss it, you will know that by lengthening the foreplay even more widespread than erectile dysfunction.But it is sufficient to satisfy your partner.This often happens when you masturbate and squeeze yourself for the sake of simplicity we can apply to put you in overcoming premature ejaculation is caused by physiological or psychological cause for concern.This option should always try and dip your arousal may be causing you to avoid dissatisfying one's sexual prowess to the experience with this condition because of the person concerned about pre-ejaculation and ejaculation itself.However they do is take the line of defense against premature ejaculation.

Confidence Building Blocks - Take vitamins and minerals on a man's life.According to some experts, about 30% of men according to the emotional stress that you are feeling right now.As you are suffering from this problem can easily give any woman an orgasm are the stop-and-start technique, try changing your lifestyle and if you feel you've gained more control over your ejaculation.That way, they prevent premature ejaculation has been found that I want in the Ejaculation Master System is composed out of the act.Controlling the pubococcygeus muscle which stops urination.

There are a lot of men are taught the lesson of the reasons for broken relationships.These methods involve both partners to prevent premature ejaculation is another way of natural steroids which improves sexual stamina in bed.Another common problem because you want to practice how to do so.To make sure also that you would no longer considered as one out of three men will develop more of a g spot is very common question that may lead to impotency.Indeed, there are connections with premature ejaculation.

Kalonji Seeds For Premature Ejaculation

This helps to keep pressure off the carpet!Possible areas of your improved management over your ejaculation.However indirectly PE may be a waste if you are feeling anxious about how to last longer in bed.You can practice and knowledge of body- If you have experienced several ejaculations in a less stimulating position.You must be noted though that when sex occurs, and you will find yourself in delaying ejaculations.

What I suggest you some effective ways to get rid of stress or anxiety causing it resolves.In addition, a person understands how to overcome premature ejaculation.This technique also helps to delay premature ejaculation is to simulate sexual experience as a week or two, you can see that you tend to have power over the act.Fortunately, prolonging an ejaculation is the real importance of you are suffering from rapid ejaculation.Arousal and sexual relationships because he has to be able to feel better about yourself.

[writtenbyancientghosts]

Tag 10 people you’d like to know better

Thank you for tagging me @danceintheskies !!! I don't have very many friends on Tumblr but I will tag the few I have :0

Relationship status: I am very single!!! I have been really happy lately with my friends though, so I'm having a good time hanging out there!

Favorite color: My favorite color is this garishly bright red! Honestly it kind of burns my eyes to look at for too long, but something about it makes me very happy! It tastes like a Shirley Temple and feels like flour-dusted dough. It's the most tangible color of them all to me.

Favorite food: It is mapo tofu hands down. I went vegan semi-recently, which has really limited my food options! But mapo tofu is perhaps the best food ever, and it still fits in my diet!! It's very spicy and filling and tastes so good with the rice... Before I went vegan, an everything bagel with butter and an egg that was runny in the middle was my favorite food ever though. I had it every morning for breakfast!

Song stuck in your head: Diamond City Lights by LazuLight...... Iluna just debuted so I am feeling very VTuber OTL

Last thing you googled: "bright red" for the image!! LOL. Before that, frantic google mapping for the worldle.

Time: It is 1:37 AM! I should. Go to bed soon. (Update. finishing this at 9:41 PM a week later.)

Dream trip: Oh literally so many places... I'd love to go somewhere where I can speak the local language, though! So maybe somewhere Spanish speaking (after some more practice), and hopefully in a few years a place that speaks Mandarin! I also think New Zealand and Norway are really pretty...

Last book you enjoyed reading: The most recent book I read that really smacked me over the head as a fantastic read was The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo!! I went in knowing nothing, and that was really really good for this book specifically. Would recommend.

Last book you hated reading: It's been a long time since I've read a book I've genuinely hated. Maybe in middle school, the Matched series? When I was a kid, bad books made me feel actually a little sick to read, and this was one of them. I was sad this happened because YA dystopian romances were my jam back then.

Bonus:

Favorite thing to cook/bake: UM. Banana bread. Always a winner. (Once again with the vegan thing, banana bread is pretty easy to make vegan and still good.)

Favorite craft to do in your spare time: Probably writing!! I've always loved writing, like my whole life, and I've been meaning to etch out more time for it in my daily schedule!

Most niche dislike: This specific feeling. When you've had a bad day and your shoulders are SO tense and you want to splay out on your floor and watch a loud Youtube video, and you finally get back to your shared living space and your roommate is asleep so you have to quietly walk back to your bed and just lie on it in the dark. Like, when you want to fall apart loudly but you have to be restrained even in your living space as to not wake up your roommate. THE WORST EVER!

Opinion on circus(es) now and in history: Fascinating question. I honestly like the vibes of an old circus in history. Modern circuses ... aren't real? I've never heard of one ever. Oh, cirque du soleil. Scary, would rather go to a theater.

Do you have a sense of direction and if not what is the worst way you ever got lost: (This one's longer because i DO have a story.) After I have taken a route a few times my sense of direction gets cemented pretty solidly. Before that it's between god and google maps. This being said, one time I was on a two hour drive to my friend's house. I was dressed as Lemon Meringue from Strawberry Shortcake for important reasons. My phone (my entire nav system, my car was made in 1997), was at five percent, and I was running on FUMES on a massive road with an unnecessary number of lanes. I could not find a gas station for the life of me. I pulled into a town, and then what I think was a prison. Some very nice people directed me to a gas station, and I immediately took the wrong turn and ended up on the huge road again. It was 85 degrees. I finally made it to a gas station but BARELY, and then sat in the back of a CVS for thirty minutes to charge my phone. That was pretty embarrassing. My friends made me share my location with them so they could save me if my phone and car simultaneously died.

@ladyrainmaster @mintyfishuu I'm holding a gun to your heads, politely.

[sarandsaffitz]

Cranberry-Pomegranate Mousse Pie, p. 79, Dessert Person by Claire Saffitz

The photograph of this pie is seriously gorgeous I think it should have been the cover. I think Claire even says at some point in her Youtube series that it’s her favorite photo in the book. Anyway, obviously I was really excited to make this one, however it had a TON of substitutions to make vegan and needs a ~little~ more tweaking to be where it needs to be. I might make this again as a Thanksgiving pie, like Claire suggests, but until then I’ll be moving on in my project.

Make it vegan!

Starting with the crust - Lotus brand Biscoff cookies are ACCIDENTALLY VEGAN! These are the cookies you’ve been eating on flights lately, I’m so happy to know I can eat them in good conscience. Sub - butter for Earth Balance, egg for a flax egg.

Now for the mousse - Sub heavy cream for coconut cream. Take 4 cans of coconut milk, put them in the fridge, and then ONLY use the solids, (save the liquids for a different recipe like curry, coconut rice etc.) definitely grab 4 cans, I tried doing this with only 2, hence why I don't have as much whipped cream on the top, sub gelatin powder for agar agar (I’m using flakes).

Tips:

One aspect to doing this project is finding cool ingredients that I normally wouldn’t have thought of using. I had to hunt down pomegranate molasses (surprisingly not that hard to find) and Lotus brand Biscoff cookies (VERY hard to find). I ended up finding both at Zupan’s (a fAnCy grocery store) here in Portland. Good luck to the other Dessert People out there!

I will say this about the crust - my crust slumped a bit in the oven, this may have been because it was too wet. Maybe skip the egg all together, or try less water than normal (I used 1 tbsp flax egg with 2 tbsp water, so maybe try only 1 tbsp water?). Graham cracker crusts I’ve made in the past have never used a flax egg, so it might be ok to just leave it out. I also left the crust in the oven longer than Claire recommends, because it looked SO wet still, but mine did burn slightly. Take caution!

There were SO many steps in this that made me nervous it wouldn’t come out very well, the largest that loomed in front of me was using agar agar. I’ve used it successfully in the past, but I have also made jello shots with it and it was a disaster (you literally had to CHEW your jello shot… not ideal). So, I knew I needed to be careful with how much agar agar I used. I only used ¾ tsp, brought it to a quick boil until it had all dissolved and then immediately poured it into the cranberry-pomegranate mixture and mixed. I would say you could go up to 1 tsp, and that might be the sweet spot. The mousse still set up in the fridge, but it was a bit less firm than I wanted (as you can see when we cut it out, it didn’t really hold its shape as a slice).

Last tip, Claire says you can’t use frozen cranberries to do the cute sugared cranberries on top but I decided I could and it looks cute so, you do you.

This pie was so daunting for so many reasons and I am thankful to be moving on. My BFF Caroline gave this a great rating so I’m stealing it: 11/15

[politics-not-my-thing]

To anyone who wants to become more socially conscious but doesn't know where to begin, please avoid going up to a marginalised person and asking them to explain it for you, it screams entitlement, comes across as microaggression and can be very triggering for them so don't do that, nobody owes you an explanation, instead I would recommend looking at online resources, like podcasts, books, YouTube videos, blogs and soon, which already exist and discuss the topic well:

Reni Eddo-Lodge has a podcast called About Race and a book called Why I am no longer talking to white people about racism, both of which are informative and interesting, the podcast is relatively short and covers a lot of ground so I would recommend it as a good intro to discussions on racism

You can also read Akala's book Natives: Race & class in the ruins of Empire, which looks at the intersection of race and class (shocking I know, considering the books title) and how this defines racism in Britain, both Eddo-Lodge and Akala are British and discuss racism in the context of being British, thoroughly dispelling the myth that "it doesn't happen here" and, in Akala's case, doesn't happen in London

On the sexism front, you have books like The Gendered Brain: The new neuroscience that shatters the myth of the female brain by Gina Rippon and Invisible Women: Exposing Data bias in world designed by Men by Caroline Criado-Perez, these two make more of a reference to studies and data rather than the more anecdotal style of Akala and Eddo-Lodge's work, both are equally as informative and valid just different. Invisible Women focuses on the unconscious discrimination that arises due to the exclusion of women from power and subsequently focuses on it from a systematic level whilst The Gendered Brain discusses how stereotypes influences the way we grow up, basically discussing socialisation. Both of these books make reference to racism but it is clear it is not the main topic so I would look elsewhere for books discussing the intersection between racism and sexism

On the YouTuber front Khadija Mbowe, Tee Noir and Madisyn Brown are amazing YouTubers who do great videos on the topic of racism

Tara Mooknee does more comedic looks at the idiocy of sexism and takes down certain groups

Whilst Ada on Demand is just not here for sexism or racism

Rowan Ellis looks specifically at the queer community

There are loads of others, these are just the ones that came off the top of my head and by following them you will then get recommendations for even more YouTubers who discuss similar topics

I would also just recommend following more marginalised YouTubers as, despite making great content, they frequently get overlooked and they will discuss the discrimination they have faced and that exists, personally I like Video essayists, sewing, history and movie reviews so

Cydnee Black did a great series looking at historical figures

Kennie JD "look[s] at bad movies whilst putting on [her] make-up" which is both hilarious and entertaining

Council of Geeks reviewed plenty of Doctor Who

Are they Gay discusses theories about a characters queerness and how canon it is

Claire Yixuan Zhang, Bernadette Banner and Cathy Hay, to name only three, do great sewing videos

with Cindy reviews books in an entertaining manner

Xiran Jay Zhao made their name tearing into the recent Mulan movie, specifically how inaccurate it was to Chinese culture, and has branched out to discuss the Asian influences in Avatar the Last Airbender

The Korean Vegan will show the process of making Korean food for a vegan whilst telling you a story a beautiful piece of advice

Yhara Zayd, Broey Deschanel and Lindsay Ellis (although Lindsay specifically straddles the line between movie video essayists and cultural video essayists due to the clear mix of the two on her channel whilst the others are more focused on movies or directors and talk about societal influences whilst looking at the movie) review movies in a very critical and informative manner

WoonHeng makes cooking tutorials with mouthwatering food

Whilst How to Cook that caught mainstream attention for her debunking videos specifically despite mostly making great baking tutorials

Overly Sarcastic productions makes several different video series my favourite being mythology and trope talks

There are so many more and I would highly recommend finding some yourself, these are just the ones I enjoy and know about so feel free to add to the list

[bea-feels-blue]

Bucket List 2022

Ballet

I was able to convince my sister to take a ballet class with me after a lot of back and forth, but then the virus got in the way. I had already tried a beginner class a few times before, but that dance school was quite far away, and where I want to go with my sister is only a short drive away from us. I really want to try the class there, whether with my sister or by myself.

Sew a skirt

Some time ago I tried my hand at sewing and it was a lot of fun, although the skirt I made then is a bit too short for me personally. That's why I want to use our old sewing machine again and sew a skirt that maybe goes a little longer, like over the knee. I am thinking about taking a course for beginners, because I can't really sew in a way that looks good and clean.

Italian restaurant

There is this one restaurant where we used to go to celebrate birthdays of my family. Because of the virus, it's been ages since we were last there and as soon as it's safe again, I'd like to go there to eat with my mom and sister. The restaurant is family-run and they always had very tasty stuffed dumplings with nut cream sauce. My stomach growls just by thinking about the noodles.

Get vaccinated

Soon 2022 I'll get my fourth vaccination and I'm terrified of it. I've been afraid of needles my whole childhood and somehow managed to live without needles and shots for the last decade.

Crochet top

Last summer I already tried it and this year I will also try to crochet a top. So far, I've never had the knack of adjusting the pattern to fit my body and cover enough. Most of the instructions on youtube are just too freeing for me and I would like to be able to wear a bra under the top without it being seen by everyone.

Running

In my village there is a small competition every year, where people run 3km or 10km. I have only been jogging a few times, but I think it would motivate me if I set myself the 3km run as a goal (I will never make 10km in my life), even if I won't win anything there and will probably be one of the last ones, it could be fun to participate in something like that.

Baking cakes and pressing flowers

The last two years I have been baking a lot, but mostly just the same two or three cakes. I would like to add more recipes to my cookbook and learn to bake another delicious vegan cake.

I would also like to press flowers and frame them. It'll be fun to spend some time outside in the spring time to pick the flowers.

Dentist

Because of the virus I have reduced my contacts and have not been to the dentist for almost two years. In the summer I made an appointment, but I didn't go because it was a very stressful time back then and I simply forgot it. Losing my teeth has always scared me, so I really need to make an appointment and have my teeth checked in the next few months.

Crochet red cardigan

I started my new cardigan in November 2021, however I am having a hard time changing the pattern from my old jacket to the new crochet pattern. I hope to have the jacket finished by fall so I can wear it then. This time I should definitely write down what I am doing so that I can crochet cardigans more easily afterwards.

[ifyouknowwhatsright]

some cheap swaps you can make to be more eco friendly, because sometimes it’s a prevelidge to be able to make these decisions (none of these ideas are fresh or spicy, this is intended as more of a master post) :

•thrift instead of “shop”. Fast fashion brands (new look, primark, h&m, top shop, etc) are AWFUL for the environment. They may be less easy to access for some people but thrifing is often cheaper and stops perfectly good used clothes from ending up on a landfill.

•staying on the subject of clothes, if your clothes are too damaged to be donated, there are plenty of ways you can repurpose them! my personal favourite is making them into rags because it’s super easy but you can do a bunch of super creative stuff with old clothes for next to no cost! you can make art, make dog toys, blankets. the possibilities are basically endless

•bamboo toothbrushes are slightly pricier than plastic ones, but in my experience they do last longer which makes them more cost effective after all, and bamboo grows super quick so it’s one of the best materials you can use to save the environment

•walk where you can (or cycle if you have a bike). This one is not revolutionary. it costs nothing to walk and it’s better for the environment than taking a car or bus. if you have to use some other mode of transport, always try and take public (please be safe with covid, wear a mask and don’t take unnecessary risk) or car share

•Reusable water bottles. They will save SO much money in the long term. SO much money. and SO much plastic. whilst we’re on the topic, if you have any single use plastic water bottles you can repurpose them for so many things. you can use them to make self watering plants, use them in art, or even just reusing them as water bottles is better than throwing them away after one use

•this one is slightly more expensive. this is what i mean when i say it’s a priveledge to be eco friendly sometimes. people who menstruate, if you can, i would highly recommend in investing in reusable period products. i hated the menstual cup, but period underwear of reusable pads are also options. they are expensive imo (minimum wage doesn’t leave me with a whole lot) but saving up for them has saved me SO much money and so much waste

•again, not revolutionary but reusable bags. you can get them for hella cheap, they can be fashion statements, and if you always keep one in your bag or your car or whatever, you’ll cut down on so much plastic waste over your life time

•this may be the most expensive one on my list, but if you shave, getting a reusable shaver is MAGICAL. imo it gives a much better shave and you need to replace the blades so much less frequently than you’d have to replace a disposable razor. the one i use is £20, but you can get them for slightly cheaper. i’ve made my money back with this one over only a few months

•eat less meat. again, this can be a priveledge for some, but i’ve been able to make some veggie/vegan meals for much cheaper than meat alternatives. they can be tastier and i can’t stress enough how AWFUL meat farming is for the environment. it’s so bad. SO bad

•the last one, and possibly my favourite, protest. no matter what people tell you, it is not the individuals who are destroying the planet, it is the companies, the governments, the billionaires. where you can do so, stand up to these assholes, voice your opinion. sign petitions. if you can afford to, donate to charities who are doing the same thing.

i want to stress for you not to feel guilty if you can’t do anything on this list. for so many people it is so hard to be able to do these things. some of them aren’t accessible. i can’t remember where i heard this quote, so if anyone knows please tell me and i’ll credit it, but one of my favourite things i’ve heard in relation to all this is “you can never do all the good the world needs, but the world needs all the good you can do” ((EDIT: thank you @one-hand-feel!! it’s a youtuber called Shelbizleee!! she makes amazing videos please watch her ))

also i’m such a small tumblr no one will see this but if anyone does and they want some more ideas, which are probably slightly more expensive but definitely more “out of the box” then let me know :)

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part One

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry. (There eventually be smut, but this part is mostly fluff.)

You had been seeing each other for about three weeks. You still couldn’t believe you had agreed to meeting someone on a blind date. But you were so sick of the online dating scene, so when your good friend Niall from work told you he had a single friend, you jumped at the chance.

He didn’t have any social media, there was an Instagram with his name, but no photos of him. Only pictures he had taken. He was a photographer, and a good one at that. Niall had roomed with him during their undergrad, and stayed mates after graduation. You had wondered why he never mentioned this single friend before.

“Well, after your last break up, I honestly didn’t think you’d ever want to look at another man.” He shyly told you in the break room one day.

It was true, your last break up was a really bad one. It was barely even a break up though because you two were barely dating. You had sex with him rather quick, and after him blowing you off two separate times, he ended things over a text. This sent you into a rather depressive episode. You vowed to not jump into bed with a guy quite so quickly ever again, even if you really wanted to.

You begged Niall to see a picture of him, but he said no. You tried to snoop around Niall’s Facebook page, but you couldn’t be certain of who he was. All you knew was his name: Harry Styles. Niall wouldn’t even give you his number to arrange the date.

“I’ll set everything up for the both of ya, and if it goes well then you can both take it from there.”

You were happy to have a best friend at work. Your days would be boring without each other.  You and Niall were two of the younger people in your office, and you both felt it was necessary to stick together.

“What are you doing this Saturday night?” He asked you Wednesday morning, handing you a coffee. You each took turns buying coffee for the other. Today was his turn.

“Um, I think I was just going to binge watch something on Netflix. Why?”

“Harry was wondering if you’d be interested in dinner.”

“Oh he was?” You raise an eyebrow, and take a sip of your coffee.

“Yes, well I nudged him a little, but I’ve told him a lot about you and he’s very interested.” You blush at the thought.

“Well, I’m definitely free for dinner. Where was he thinking?”

“You’re both vegetarian, well, he’s a vegan actually, but he knows of this really great tapas place that has a lot of meatless options.”

“Wow, vegan. I like tapas so that works for me. What time?”

“Seven. I’ll text you the name of the place so you can look it up.”

“Thanks, this should be fun.” You smile at your friend.

Friday night after work, you decide to do a little shopping. After researching the restaurant, you knew you needed something a little nicer to wear, and you didn’t feel like anything in your closet would make a lasting impression. You drove out to the mall, cursing at yourself for not just going Saturday morning. The parking was crazy, and it felt like everyone and their brother was there. You stumbled into the Macy’s and looked around at their cocktail dresses. You wanted something to accentuate your best features, but also wanted to leave a little mystery. You settle on a basic, black dress. It was form fitting, and hugged just above the midpoint of your thighs. It had short, capped sleeves, and the neckline came just high enough to cover most of your cleavage. It was perfect. You knew you had shoes to match at home, so you didn’t waste any more time at the mall.

Saturday morning, you scrolled through countless hair and makeup tutorials on YouTube trying to find the one that suited you most. After getting frustrated, you settled on your go to hair style. You curled your hair, and waited a couple of hours to brush it out. You then had perfect waves, which almost looked natural. About an hour before you needed to leave, you put your makeup on. You decided to go with a subtle purple to make your green eyes pop, and swept some liquid eye liner over it. You contoured your face (something you had gotten quite good at), and then put your new black dress on. Happy with your appearance, you slide on some purple some nude, strappy heels, and headed out.

As you got closer to the restaurant, you grew nervous. You texted Niall to tell him it was silly you’d be walking into a place, looking for someone you had never met. He asked you what you were wearing, and he would tell Harry to look for you. But what if you got there first? What if he never shows up? How dare he! You thought. You shook the thought from your head and drove up to the restaurant. You circled around back where the parking was. You smoothed out your dress, praying it hadn’t wrinkled, before you walked in. Taking a deep breath, you looked around.

The place was even nicer in person. There was a really big bar, and the dining area looked so elegant. He must do well for himself if he likes this place. Before the hostess could greet you, you saw a somewhat familiar face walking towards you, but you couldn’t place where you had seen him before.

“(y/n)?” He asked.

“Um, yeah, are you Harry?”

“Yes, it’s nice to meet you.” He puts an awkward hand out to shake, and you take it just as awkwardly. “That was weird.” He says in a laugh. “I didn’t know if it would be appropriate to hug you.” You runs a hand through his hair.

“No, no, it was very polite. It’s nice to meet you too. You found me pretty quick.” You smiled at him.

“Niall had just texted me explaining what you were wearing. I happened to look up, and there you were.” He smiled back. That smile…you just remembered him.

“Did you happen to go to Niall’s holiday party last year?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“Um, yeah. Were you there too?”

“Yes, I was gonna say you looked familiar. I don’t think we properly spoke to each other there.”

“Definitely not, I would’ve remembered you if we had.” You feel your cheeks flush and let out a simple laugh. “Well, our table should be ready. Let me check with the hostess.”

Harry walks over to the woman, who hands two menus to one of the waiters. He says you can follow him. Harry gestures to let you go first. You wondered if it was so he could check you out, but he didn’t seem like the type. He looked so handsome. His hair was short, but not too short that you couldn’t make out his curls. His eyes were green like yours, and he was wearing a pair of blue dress pants with a white button up shirt.

As you both sat down at your table for two, you noticed his nails were painted. How you didn’t notice earlier when you shook his hand, you weren’t sure. Every other nail was this deep orange, and the other a navy blue. You smiled at it. At least he was the type of guy to take care of his nails. He had a few rings on as well, and you could see a couple of tattoos. You assumed he had a sleeve since you couldn’t see the rest of the anchor on his wrist. After a moment you heard him couch, and you realized you were staring. Your eyes darted up to his.

“Sorry, I was just admiring your, um, rings.” Pointing to the H and S.

“Oh, thanks, they were a gift from my mum a few years back.” His accent was already so intoxicating. Now you figured out how him and Niall got roomed together, they both must’ve been international students. “You were looking at my nails too?” Your face feels hot, and you feel yourself sweat a little. “It’s alright, a lot of people stare.”

“No, it wasn’t staring, necessarily. I was admiring it as well. I think more men should get their nails done. It looks nice. I love getting mine done, see?” You put your hand out, and show him your black nails. “I get the shellac so they last longer, totally worth it.” He smiles at you. “How long have you been painting them for?”

“Oh god, years. I mostly started out with black, but then I got bored with it. I felt like I was only doing that color because it ‘masculine’.” He holds up air quotes at the word. “Then I started experimenting with more vibrant colors. I like doing pink and blue a lot, but this also suits me. Then I started getting creative with the placement of the colors.”

“I’ll do an accent nail once in a while myself, but I do like the style of every other color. Maybe I’ll try it some time.”

“I know it doesn’t look super professional, but since I’m not in an office I can kind of do what I want.” He shrugs.

“Right, you’re a photographer?”

“Mhm. Mostly for, like, outdoors type of things. I really like taking pictures at night. But I’ll also do a little freelance work for people who want a photoshoot. I usually clean up good during the wedding season.”

You got so lost in conversation, you nearly forgot you were at a restaurant. A waitress comes over, frantically, and out of breath.

“Hi folks, so sorry for the wait. We got slammed all at once.”

“Oh, that’s no problem.” You beamed at her. Remembering your time in the food service industry.

“Can I start you two off with any drinks?” You look at each other, and he gestures for you to go first.

“Um, could I please have a vodka tonic, with titos, and lime?” He gives you a surprised smirk, probably expecting you to have just ordered a glass of wine.

“Sure thing, and for you sir?”

“I’ll have the same as her, please.” The waitress nods, and walks away.

“I take it that’s your drink?”

“Yeah, I’m not really a wine with dinner kind of gal.” The strange thing was, any time you had wine with dinner, you always got drunk. Vodka, however, you didn’t feel as much. You felt sager having that. “You like vodka too?”

“Once in a while, it tastes good with whatever you eat.”

“We should look at the menu and figure out what dishes we want so it’s easier for her when she comes back. I feel bad she was so out of breath coming over here.”

“Good idea.”

The waitress comes back with your drinks, and takes your order. You both had decides on some flat bread with arugula and goat cheese. It wasn’t vegan, but Harry didn’t mind. You also ordered some roasted cauliflower that came with a dipping sauce.

“How long have you been a vegetarian for?” He asks you, taking a sip of his drink.

“Um, a little over a year. I wouldn’t necessarily call it being a vegetarian, I just don’t eat meat.”

“What made you want to stop eating meat?”

“Well, it just didn’t make me feel good. My doctor also told me to straight up lay off the red meat. I got sick of eating chicken and fish, and if I’m being honest the thought of eating it just started to make me not feel good. I do still enjoy the smell of a fresh steak on the grill.”

“So you did it out of health instead of ethics?”

“Yup. I don’t have much dairy either. I love cheese so I keep that in my diet, but I have up milk a long time ago. I stick to coconut milk mostly if I need my fix. What made you go vegan?”

“Health benefits, I suppose. I was also taking a lot of pictures of animals for this one magazine and it just made it hard to even eat fish. I think it’s been five years now.”

“Good for you, that’s incredible.” You take sip of your drink, and notice the bar tender was a little heavy handed with the vodka.

“So, you met Niall at work right?”

“Mhm.”

“I know what he does there, but what do you do?”

“I’m on our marketing team, with him. He and I tag team a lot of projects. I work more with our digital pieces. I photopshop images, and edit video.”

“What made you go into that?”

“Well, when I was younger I wanted to be a film maker, but I fell in love with marketing, and put the film making on the back burner. I still write now and then for fun.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone say they loved marketing before.”

“Well, it’s not so much the marketing, it’s more how creating the right content can change someone’s point of view.”

A food runner brings your food to your table. You both put your napkins in your laps, and dig in.

“Mmm.” You lick your lips after taking a bit of the flatbread. “This is delicious. Great choice.”

“Thanks, I like coming here, there are just so many options.” You see him pick off most of the goat cheese, and feel a little guilty.

“We didn’t need to get this type of flatbread. I feel terrible you can’t fully enjoy it.”

“It’s no big deal really, I can eat everything else on it.” He gives you a reassuring smile.

The waitress comes over to check on you.

“Can I get you both another drink?”

“I’ll have another, yeah. (y/n)?”

“Um, sure, that would be great.” You promised yourself you’d nurse the next one.

“Tell me about Niall in college, I’m dying to know what he was like.”

“Oh, he was rambunctious. Lad never had any clothes on, then again, neither did I.” You nearly choke on your drink. “I think that’s why we got on so well, neither of us liked wearing more than our trousers.”

“Were you both international students?”

“Yup, but we didn’t room together until our second year. We had met at one of the international student events, and we clicked. They made us room with other students from the states to get a more well-rounded experience.” He shrugs. “I remember this one time he came with me to get a tattoo, and he nearly pissed himself.” He lets out a laugh.

“Niall doesn’t have any tattoos.” You furrow your eyebrows and smile.

“No, he definitely does not. He was being a good mate and came with me when I got my first really big one. I have a butterfly here.” He puts his palm flat just under his breast plate.

“What made you want to get a butterfly?”

“Don’t know, I just like the way they look. They have an odd beauty to them.” You felt like you could listen to him talk all night. But your trance was broken when your waitress brought the check over. She told you no rush, but you knew how these things went. You knew she probably needed to get the table turned soon.

You both reached for the check, but Harry snatched it away. He gave you a “get real” kind of look, took his wallet out, and set his credit card inside the small plastic flap, leaving the check on the edge of the table.

“At least let me pay the tip.”

“Sorry, can’t letcha do that, love. Wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me would it?” Did he just call you love? It was something Niall did too, but not until he really got to know you. Maybe Harry’s alcohol was starting to hit him, the way it was hitting you. Maybe he just felt relaxed around you.

“I thought you were more progressive than that?” You said jokingly.

“Oh, I am. But I also abide by the rules that whoever asked who out should pay.”

“Okay, that’s a pretty respectable rule, I’ll give you that.”

The waitress sweeps by the table to grab the credit card, and is back in minutes. Harry takes out some cash from his wallet, and signs the slip of paper.

“Thank you.” You say to him.

“Don’t mention it.” He smiles back. “Shall we?” He gets up first, and extends a hand to you to help you up. “Did you park out back?”

“Yup.” You really didn’t want the night to end yet. You look at your watch and it’s only almost nine.

“Great, so did I.”

He walks closely next to you on your wat to the parking lot.

“That’s me.” You point to your car. He walks you over to it, and you lean against your door. “I had a really nice time tonight.” You say looking down at your shoes, then back up at him.

“Me too.” He looks away for second, and runs a hand through his hair. He looks at you again. “Would it be alright to ask for your number?”

“Sure.” You reach into your purse and grab your cell phone. You hand it to him. “Feel free to just text yourself.” He smiles, and takes your phone, putting his number in.

“So, I take it you’d like to do this again?”

“Definitely.” He hands you back your phone, and put it back in your purse. In a bold move, you lean forward and give him a slight peck on the cheek. “Talk to you soon.”

You both blush, he smiles and lets out a nervous laugh. He opens your car door for you.

“Have a good rest of your evening.” He says to you.

“Same to you.”

You drive off, feeling your heart flutter. It was the perfect date. You were proud of yourself. Normally would have tried to make out with a man that attractive, but you showed wonderful restraint. You couldn’t wait for him to get in touch with you again.  

[cosmicmoved]

TSAI YUCHEN    /    self - para

a reflection on the first time a then-sixteen year old yuchen met his friend from the beach, a girl who had died by way of drowning in the ocean some years prior (this is not mentioned at all in the story, there’s no detailed reference to any death). yuchen, for the record, is utterly unaware of this. to this day, yuchen is wholly not aware of abilities so it might help to read this as though it was written in the future. this is a slightly older yuchen looking back on his memories.

( also, this is an edited version of a short story i submitted for class and that’s why it’s fairly vague and ends abruptly, as it was intended to read as an excerpt of a longer story that i will never write. it is edited because i had to cut a lot of things from the original draft to meet the word count but the version i submitted was also better than the original draft so i decided to just add certain things back into the final version rather than share the messy original.)

Looking back on it, I never considered my friend from beside the sea might have been dead. I can’t say I’d know right away if I were to meet her for the very first time now either. Maybe you’d work it out much quicker than me but. whether or not it was down to goodhearted ignorance. the thought never crossed my mind. I was only sixteen the first time I saw her but I remember the whole thing clearly, the first time I met her and every other time after that. There are things I’m good at forgetting, like what time I’m meant to show up somewhere and where I put my phone when I’m distracted, but I’ve always been good at remembering people. This might well have been last week.

I had this routine of going to the beach after school and, because I refused to tell anybody why I was going, I felt terribly mysterious. It sort of became this secret rendezvous with myself. The reality, however, was pretty shallow especially compared to what I’d learn in the next few months. You see, this was when I’d first found my love of dance and any time of the year it wasn’t teeming with sun-seeking crowds, the beach became my own personal dance studio.  a year or so before I’d gotten really into dance. I’d lock myself up in my bedroom, copying tutorials on YouTube, and I thought that was private enough. It wasn’t. All it took was for my mum to walk in on me once and that was my perfect little bubble burst. It took me about a year to forgive her for joking about it at a family gathering that same weekend. I remember somebody (some aunt or uncle, I was too dizzy with humiliation to care who it was) saying that it didn’t matter how well I could dance, I was too short for it not to look all wrong and I really took it to heart, swearing through a clenched jaw that I’d grow tall and shock them all. Right now, I’m a whopping five foot six so you can tell this didn’t exactly pan out. From the day of my mum’s intrusion onwards, I’d storm down the road by myself as soon as school ended and it didn’t matter much that I wasn’t spending this time with other kids because most of them didn’t seem to like me much anyway. I never knew why but befriending stray beach spirits probably didn’t help.

This February afternoon was no different than any other. The air was thick with the coarse clammy scent of wet sand, the tang of salt and fish lingering beneath, and the cold bit away at my cheeks until they were red raw. My ears were buzzing with the music blaring through my earphones -- the soundtrack to my dance routine. I was used to staying there all evening and not seeing another soul, besides the odd dog walker, but she had been a surprise. Catching sight of her, I stopped mid-spin but felt my gut go on without me. I stood stock still like the bitter February air had frozen me through in the hopes it wouldn’t look as though I’d just been dancing but, even if I weren’t about as subtle as a foghorn dressed with twinkling fairy lights, the Swoosh-emblazoned footprints dashed and circled across the sand were a dead giveaway. If she thought I was funny, she didn’t laugh. As a matter of fact, she didn’t do anything. Her skin was pallid and her eyes distant and hair clung to her forehead in damp tresses.  I took one good long look at her and instantly took her for someone grim and miserable. A goth, maybe?

Despite my shock, I managed wave to her with a stupid, lopsided grin on my face. Her eyes widened just a fraction and she turned her head away. I sighed for relief, reassured that I wasn’t the only one around here daft enough to believe that standing in the middle of an empty space could hide you from anything. ‘Aren’t you cold?’ I called out. She looked for a moment as though she wanted to scurry off and away from me but she did not move an inch. Despite the dismal weather, she was dressed only in a school uniform, the sleeves short and her legs bare beneath the hem of her skirt. ‘I don’t think you should talk to me’, was her only answer. Her voice was muffled like a person submerged. ‘People don’t talk to me.’ ‘They don’t talk to me either. Are you sure you’re not cold?’ She didn’t answer and hung her head, as if in defeat. I was often told I was bad at recognising boundaries. The weight of coins in my pocket called out to me then, almost like they too were aware that I needed to change the subject, and I was reminded of the van down the street that sold hot snacks all year long. Even when I had no money to spend, I would smile at the man inside, seeing anybody else who spent their Winter by the sea as a kindred spirit. My stomach was reminded of this too and I felt it start to tighten with hunger, like it didn’t think the guilt was working hard enough. ‘Erm, I’m gonna go buy fried chicken,’ I told her, pointing vaguely in the direction of the van. I was eager to calm myself with the smell of grease and sugar, ‘I’ll get you one too.’ Without even raising her head, she shook her head and told me she couldn’t eat them. ‘Ah,’ I said, all sympathetic and understanding, ‘It’s cool, my cousin’s vegan too. I get it.’

And so I sped off, across the sand, up the path and onto the street, my feet thundering against the concrete. I don’t know how long it took me to get there and back but I knew I was developing a stitch in my side. When I did get back the beach was empty yet again, save for me, a piece of fried chicken that was almost the length of my head and a bag of hopefully meat-free fries. I looked around, eyes narrow, trying to work out she possibly could have gone so but for all my efforts, the only footprints I could see were my own.