#LITERALLY THE GRADERS WORDS NOT MINE
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acesammy · 4 months ago
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i'm so mad that i can do 'B level work' on assignments in this class and still get zeros on the assignments
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quill-is-brainstorming · 1 year ago
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I've just re-read the short lived duel that Aeneas and Achilles have in Book 20 of the Iliad and it's actually the most hilarious fucking thing.
So it starts out with Apollo disguising himself as Lycaon, one of Priam's many sons, and telling to have a go at Achilles. Keep in mind that this is post-Patroclus Achilles. Aka: berserk Achilles. Aka: so fucking mad he would fight a literal river Achilles.
Aeneas, who is capable of critical thinking, says he doubts he can actually take him on. He also references a time when he was herding cattle on Mount Ida and Achilles ambushed him, adding that the only reason he survived then was because Zeus gave him enough strength to book it (cracking up the official times that he's been saved by a god from certain death to 3, you go dude!).
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However, after a bit of back and forth and a ton of hyping up on Apollo's part, Aeneas decides to try anyway.
Like, what could possibly go wrong?
Achilles notices Aeneas charging at him and he begins to taunt him. It's something among the lines of: "I'm sorry, are you, background trojan character #61, actually gonna try and beat me? And then what? Do you think that Priam will reward you in some way? Maybe making you king after him? Well it's BULLSHIT, because Priam fucked so much that your chances of succeeding him are basically 0. Ahah. Loser."
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Now, you'd think that maybe Aeneas got enraged at the comment and attacked him, or maybe he even got scared and backed down, but NOPE. What does Aeneas do?
Well, first of all, he insults Achilles' insults, comparing his bickering to that of a child. Literally, "I heard third graders do better than that." And then he decides to list his and Hector's entire fucking family tree.
You know that part of the Bible that's like "this guy sired this other guy, and this other guy sired yet another guy" and so on? It's basically that.
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So after he's done with all that, Aeneas states that while he'd love to have a battle of insults with Achilles, because according to him he's actually very good at insulting people (his words, not mine), they should probably throw hands now. Achilles agrees.
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The duel is shortlived and Aeneas gets his ass handed to him. Badly. As expected. And he's about die when ✨️POV shift✨️ we're not on Olympus where Poseidon, Hera and Athena are watching this absolute train wreck go down.
Poseidon, pitying Aeneas, suddenly goes on a rant. It's something among the lines of: "come on guys, look at him, he's just a little guy! He literally has no stakes in this war, he doesn't deserve to die here! He even gives us lots of gifts and sacrifices, he's literally such a nice guy. How can we do this to him!?
...oh and also he's part of some prophecy, Zeus would get mad if he died."
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The fact that the way it's worded makes it sound like Aeneas being part of a literal prophecy is an afterthought to him absolutely floors me, Poseidon is literally just attached to a random dude that's fighting on the opposite side to his because he thinks he's nice.
After all that Hera is pretty unimpressed and states that she really doesn't care if our man lives or dies as neither her or Athena have ever saved a Trojan from death, she however adds that Poseidon is free to do whatever he wants.
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The literal moment Hera stops talking, Poseidon lunges down from Olympus and onto the battlefield to look for the two combatants. When he does, he saves Aeneas like only he can do.
You know how when Diomedes first tries to kill Aeneas, Aphrodite gently folds her hands around him to shield him? There's none of that here. Poseidon just runs up to him and literally flings the motherfucker.
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It literally says that he flies "high in the air". It's like a Looney Toons sketch.
So Aeneas lands and, while he's obviously a bit dazed, Poseidon proceeds to call him a madman and essentially tells him to never do something stupid like that again and just wait until Achilles is dead, then he'll be able to murder Achaeans to his heart's content. Aeneas is fine with that.
Achilles, who just saw his opponent just get yeeted into the fucking sky, just shrugs and goes "welp, guess that guy's off limits, I'm gonna go kill someone else now I guess lol".
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This entire scene is pure fucking gold and the fact that I've literally never seen anyone talk about it just breaks my heart.
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fulgurbugs · 2 years ago
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ok at this point i just need to explain. how fucking insane this stupid semester long assignment has been to yall.
So basically, over the semester in addition to the textbook, there have been extra readings we've had to read and over the class students have been leading in-class discussions on them. pretty standard stuff and everything.
the problem comes with this. each one we had to write a 600 word summary and reflection to go with each one. we had to turn in half at midterms, and im handing the second half the last regular class of the semester (tomorrow) she took one reading out so this was 17 readings total, 9 by midterm, 7 at final
as you can imagine, that sounds really not like the worst thing in the world but quickly spirals as you realized how fucking long this actually is printed out and formatted. this was the first half of the assignment
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(note. literally 20 pages. big ass fucking packet when stapled together)
now, because this assignment is so long, AND this professor is a notoriously slow grader, I actually haven't been handed back this full assignment yet. last class, she handed back everyone a PARTIAL graded section of the first half of the assignment.
I received the first 4 pages of my 20 page paper back. and then, I also realized I had received a very low grade on it (like 68 I think?) which was weird, because she had said she wasn't going to be grading these very harshly like she normally does.
so i check the notes and its like this
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ok, so basically she took off 1/3 of my points per entry for missing citation! what the fuck! because as you'll note,
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obviously there are fucking in text citations. you can even see one of them next to the writing in the first image. clearly there are citations, but she's graded me like there aren't full citations in a bibliography at the end. but there are! every pdf assigned has a full bibliography entry at the end of the paper. like obviously, these are just the in-text citations for specific information i've pulled from the text.
but anyways. I bring this up with her in class, to make sure im not gonna be losing 1/3 of my grade for this, and it turns out what she's been doing is literally going through each paper, reading the first entry for the first reading, then reading the next paper's first entry only, and so on, and then going through every paper and reading the second entry, instead of grading each paper all the way through at once.
so since she was doing this, she never checked that I had actually provided citations by flipping to the end of my paper and seeing my 9 citations of every reading, as requested? whatever. what the hell. she said I'd get the points back so whatever, ill keep an eye on my grade to make sure she remembers to bring them back. (im not expecting to get full grades on the citations anyways, i've had this professor for two semesters and i've literally never fucking gotten them fully correct once somehow) I just want to not have a 0/4 on citations.
but anyways, I put off reading a bunch of the articles til right before it was due (not anyones fault but mine, im causing my own pain for this one lol) and im just speedrunning this, putting my citations before each entry so theres no fucking way she can miss them, and this thing is still
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14 pages long.
so she hasn't graded 16/20 pages of the first one yet, and now everyone's gonna be handing her 14-16 more pages of writing for her to grade tomorrow. its never gonna get graded on time. I havent received my midterm test grade back yet. why does she do this. why did she need 34 pages of writing summary on these readings. why couldn't she make it 300 words per article. truly baffling stuff
but the paper is written, shitass garbage style and i am free.
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stardust-in-my-mind-blog · 2 months ago
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first grade
my youngest is in first grade
which means I'm able to access my inner first grader
my inner seven year old very well
my teacher was named Mrs. Hart
and she was so grumpy to everyone
especially to me because I was likely bizarre
but during all my detentions for losing things
or having a messy desk or talking or not paying attention
we'd have the best talks and I slowly grew on her
I also started piano that year
my teacher for that was also named Mrs. Hart
I was not good at the piano and never became so
when it was time for pictures I had a grey front tooth
and my mother was always one who valued
my aesthetics over literally anything else
she had been very good at softball as a teenager
and I'd never been coordinated enough for anything
but video games and art
so when she invited me to play with her
I agreed because a child always wants to play
with a willing and present parent
and since her very inconsistent and hard won approval
was impossible to obtain being myself
or anything I was actually talented or good at
maybe this was a chance to finally make her happy
she threw that ball hard enough at my face
it knocked out my front tooth
but it wasn't hard enough to give me a fat lip
almost impressive how calculated that must have been
she was never good for thinking unless it was
to fuck someone else over to get what she wanted
without just trying to obtain it for herself
no wonder I looked for it in all my partners
it's the bitterness that hurts
that festering anger I forced down after
years of being treated like that turned into acid
and my heart tries to freeze up
so I don't have to feel it
enmeshment with someone who always
saw me as completion so she set me up
time and time again for failure
I hate thinking about her
because like living that life
there's nothing to be done or said
only a deity outside of me could redeem her
that's the rage I've been facing all summer
what's triggered when my ex husband
began treating me exactly like she did
undermining my ideas and talents
telling me not to sing because it was unpleasant
lying to people about me and my intentions
gaslighting me about my history of behavior
projecting onto me all the poison of her soul
she kept to protect someone else she loved
fuck those people and how they made me feel
I have managed and regulated the emotions inspired
the best way I knew how and I was not perfect
but my integrity has a far higher score
than those who have tried to one up me
in morality when I responded to their mistreatment
Andromeda chained naked and cold
to the rock of her own soul
with a sea monster to keep her company
because of the twisted vanity of Cassiopeia
she gave me her middle name of Christine
but it should have been Cassandra
no matter my honesty it was never believed
until even I couldn't believe it
which after thirty some years it's kind of nice
because now I don't give a shit who believes me
in third grade I came up with a story
two little girls who ended up seperated
when one moved to China with her family
her name was Sally but I can't remember the other
she bought a yellow balloon and tied to it
a letter and named it 'Speedy'
and he ended up delivering it
through storms and a journey and trials
when I told my mother about it she offered
to type it up for me on the computer
but when I read it it was no longer my story
she made all these changes and nothing
made sense anymore and the things I wanted
to somehow express as a kid weren't there
the things I cared about and the reasons that mattered
it was all her words and her tale
titled 'Speedy The Friendship Balloon'
I won an award for it and got to go to a conference
but the honors and congratulations weren't mine
they were hers but living through my body
the shame and the confusion and the knowing
of what it was supposed to be and how she somehow
rewrote my entire writing narrative with a story
with my title and characters but none of my words
I suppose as someone writing since I was a child
drawing pictures in stapled paper books
until dictionaries and thesauruses and my obsessive
study of them gave me all the perfect words for everything
to have that kind of betrayal was so deep to me
and I will not brush off her intentions
because her character behaviors shows her patterns
I don't give a shit if she had good intentions
it crushed part of me that I didn't know until now
likely made fresh gravel for a deep fortress of imposter syndrome
and even now I feel myself trying to somehow
take back all these words so I can hug them back to me
hide the shame I feel from this story
but instead I'll take a nap and cry and have compassion
for the bit of self that felt ripped out of me
from a place where I cared the most
the one safe place I felt I had in that life
embrace my vulnerabilities and remind that part of me
things are different now and if I write something
I'm actually going to deserve every and any accolade I get
physically though this is extremely uncomfortable
nervous system completely is completely dysregulated
and needs extra care to be soothed
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iwanttobepersephone · 1 year ago
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Ok so this actually is similar to something I do!
I never learned how to pronounce either of the TH sounds, and people never pointed it out until 5th grade. So, I just use F and V sounds instead. Cause, to me, there is LITERALLY NO DIFFERENCE.
But, every once in a while, I'll get a random 6th grader asking me why I "say my words so weirdly" and have to explain. Every single time, they say, "Oh, it's easy! Just sorta out your tongue right here" and point to their mouth or whatever. I always try it because I know that all I'm gonna get is annoying "vssssSSSSSSASSSssssssjjjjhhhhhhhh" sounds and spit, and their frustration is funny. Like, you think it's annoying that I can't pronounce a sound that has perfectly good replacements? Yeah, well, I think it's annoying how you interrupted my lecture on not stealing things from the classroom to point out how I say "that" weirdly. So, now we're equal! ^^
So. Yeah don't mind me I'm just. Gonna adopt this headcanon. Mine now.
I’m just gonna say that Halt has some trouble saying the words I love you theory, theatre, Theo and just words like that.
Imagine something he planned would go
Halt, explaining his plan: so in feory-
Halt: in heory-
Halt: in jeory-
Everyone looking at him expectedly: yes?
Halt:
Halt: in feory- you know what, f it.
Halt, grabs a paper and writes ‘theory’ down: so in *holds up paper* if we do this it’ll work
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julemmaes · 3 years ago
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ahem... cassian taking nesta to that bookstore (fluff, don’t try making shit sad aight?)
Our First Non-Date
SURPRISE I GUESS!!
Nessian Archeron x Cassian
You can find the first part here.
A/N: this month has been really nice on me. I finally feel better, not crying every day for literally nothing and I wanna dedicate this to my fren Sim (@perseusannabeth) cause homegirl just finished the offcampus series and she's grieving. I know she is. So yep. Take some Nessian fluff
And Nina, I had to add some angsty parts, but they're not Irene Angst Level, okay?
Word count: 6,833
When Cassian had called her back the night after their outing with Amren and Varian, she'd stared at the phone for a full minute until it had stopped ringing and she could go back to reading the article on poisonous plants that Elain had sent her.
It hadn't even been five minutes before the words had been obscured from the call screen again and the name "Cassian Navarro" appeared.
When she had ignored the call for the second time as well, he had decided to change tactics.
Hi Nes, I was thinking about when you'd be free to go to the library. I need a couple of manuals because I'm building a little gazebo in Rhys and Feyre's garden and your sister is putting a lot of pressure on me, so I was wondering if you had the day off tomorrow.
Nesta was stunned at the amount of useless information he had given her, but managed to reply with a simple, Working tomorrow, day off on Wednesday. Sending you the address later.
She certainly hadn't anticipated how hard it would be to get up that day, her will to live must have been hiding somewhere under her bed and Nesta didn't know if it was directly related to their going out or just her stupid brain not being able to connect to real life.
The only other worst thing she'd been able to think of at that moment was having to explain to Cassian what was going on, so, pulled out of bed by the future embarrassment they'd feel in such a situation, she'd managed to dress, wash and style her hair so that she had a braid crowning her head.
She hadn't put too much effort into deciding what to wear, after all, it wasn't a date and Cassian had seen her many times before in far more outrageous and scruffy clothes than the comfortable black jeans and grey jumper she was wearing right now.
The silence had made her uncomfortable at first, only because Cassian seemed to be really stressed - about what, she certainly wouldn't ask - but after about ten minutes, he'd turned on the radio and popped a CD into the player and the melody of a Verve song had filled the cabin.
She'd started humming under her breath and he'd looked at her with a faint smile on his lips and his eyes sparkling. She hadn't mulled over that look too much, but she'd started eyeing him more closely and noticed the way he narrowed his eyes at every street sign and how he ran a hand over his face every time a strand of hair landed in front of his eyes.
When Cassian had to blow the hair out of his face for the millionth time, Nesta pulled a rubber band off her wrist and handed it to him abruptly.
Cassian looked surprised, but took it almost immediately, brushing her fingers. Nesta immediately withdrew her hand, feeling how warm and calloused his were.
"Thanks, my hair is killing me today," he finally spoke.
Nesta continued to look ahead, noticing that they were about to enter the highway. "Well, it wasn't very wise of you not to tie it up before you got in the car. I never drive with my hair down."
He nodded slowly, still with the band clutched between his fingers. And then, suddenly he let go of the steering wheel, "Hold that for me for a second." and Nesta's eyes went wide, launching herself at him to grab it and keep the car in their lane.
"Are you nuts?" she almost shrieked, keeping her gaze fixed on the road and feeling every nerve ending vibrate with anger.
"Relax." he said in a calm tone, shifting her hands and gently pushing her back into her seat one more time. "It wasn't even five seconds."
Nesta huffed out a laugh that lacked amusement, "You do something like that again without warning me first and I'm getting out of the car."
Cassian looked at her with a raised eyebrow, "A bit dramatic, but alright."
She sighed, shaking her head slightly and resting it on her hand propped against the window.
That awkward silence fell again and Nesta couldn't figure out what the problem was. She hadn't felt any kind of unease three days before, but after all, they'd been with friends and busy walking, not stuck in a car for two hours with no chance of walking away or splitting up.
And in that moment, the reality of their situation overwhelmed her.
She forced herself to steady her breathing, opening the window slightly so that more air could get in. She forced herself to think about all the things she would see today at the library and how beautiful and spectacular it had looked from mere pictures. She wasn't going to let her twisted mind stop her from having fun with someone who was desperately trying to be her friend.
She took a deep breath and a surprising calm enveloped her. She looked to her left to see if Cassian had noticed that temporal change in her behaviour, but it seemed to her that he was just as fidgety.
She was about to ask him if he was okay, because the knee that kept bouncing and the fingers opening and closing on the steering wheel were obvious nervous tics, when he did the eye thing again, this time leaning forward over the dashboard as well, and the sharp turn he took to the right caused her to shift in her seat so much that she bumped her shoulder against his.
Cassian grimaced, "I'm sorry," he murmured.
"What's wrong?" she asked, readjusting in her seat.
"Sorry?"
"What's the matter? With your eyes, I mean."
"Oh." he seemed surprised by the question, almost as if he hadn't realised she'd been observing him for the last twenty minutes. He cast her a curious glance immediately returning to the road. "I wear glasses when I drive, but I couldn't find them this morning and these contacts are the wrong shade and I can't see very well."
Nesta nodded thoughtfully, "Where do you normally keep them?"
"In the glove box. But I already checked," he replied, rolling his shoulders. Another nervous tic.
Nesta had to suppress a smile. There was no way he could be so worked up just because they were talking. She looked down at the phone in her hand to check the time, and a flash of light momentarily dazzled her. She blinked a couple of times and then scoffed, "Found them."
She reached a hand towards the hatch compartment and pulled out a pair of very plain black glasses, handing them to him. Cassian seemed to finally relax since she'd gotten into the car.
"Thank fuck." then he pulled into a lay-by and without turning off the car, slipped two fingers in his eye, removing one contact and then the other, leaving Nesta stunned. He put the glasses on his nose and flashed her a smile that went from ear to ear. And Nesta was stunned for other reasons.
She couldn't deny that Cassian was an attractive man. She wasn't stupid or blind, but the man next to her should have come with a warning sign or a bell.
Attention, hot stuff coming your way.
Nesta forgot the comment she had wanted to make about how antigenic and risky it had been to remove his contacts without first cleaning his hands and in such a dirty environment.
His hair tied back in a messy bun, with the hint of a beard he was letting grow, and now his glasses on, Cassian looked like a model on the cover of a newspaper about sexy carpenters. The short-sleeved black shirt he wore that pulled on his huge biceps every time he moved in the slightest was just one more point to add to the list of things that made him appealing.
"So," he began, getting back on the road, "what's your favourite colour?"
Nesta snorted, "Are you serious?"
Cassian seemed to blanch, "What?"
"Have you ever been out with a girl?" she asked him sarcastically, knowing full well what the answer would be.
He clenched his jaw so hard that a muscle popped out on his face, "Only on dates."
"And this isn't a date." pointed out Nesta, holding back a laugh at how tortured he sounded.
"It's not."
Nesta touched the tip of her nose, thoughtful, "Shouldn't this be easier for you then?"
Cassian released a breath through his nose, "I'm under a lot of pressure right now."
"Yeah?" she asked, looking away and smiling.
"Yeah, and stop looking like you're enjoying it." he retorted.
She feigned innocence, "Enjoying what?"
"My pain." he sheeted.
Nesta laughed, unable to contain herself any longer and when he glared at her, she covered her mouth with one hand, laughing harder. Only when he snapped his fingers against the steering wheel did she stop, laying a hand on his arm, just for a few seconds, "I'm so sorry." she wheezed, "I just don't understand. When you're hanging out with my sisters or Amren, or Mor, I don't know, you don't seem to be in this much discomfort."
Cassian sighed again and Nesta chuckled one last time, stopping when he smiled slightly. "I'm just trying not to make you uncomfortable. You accepted I take you on this non-date, and I'm doing my best not to flirt badly with you every chance I get." he confessed, nodding slowly, as if to convince himself that he was doing the right thing and not wasting their time.
Nesta was genuinely surprised at his answer and decided to offer him an olive branch.
"My favourite colour is blue."
"Nice." he smiled, showing a hint of a dimple, "Mine is red."
"It's too bright of a colour," she said lightheartedly.
Cassian chuckled, "I'm pretty sure it reflects my peppy personality."
Nesta nodded, "I read an article once about how a person's favourite colour says a lot about the person themselves," she said annoyed, "It sounded like one of those quizzes you find in gossip magazines, like it was written by a third grader. I hate those things, like horoscopes."
He grunted, "God, Mor's obsessed with horoscopes..."
The conversation continued without any more awkward silences for the remainder of the ride, and when Cassian turned onto a bumpy road, Nesta knew they were close. Of course, even if she hadn't looked at the directions from her house to the place, the myriad cars parked along the road would have been an indication.
They parked in the first vacant spot they could find and as soon as Nesta was out of the car, an icy gust of wind hit her face, making her shiver with cold. She looked over the bonnet at Cassian and found him staring at her with a half smile on his face. He'd left his glasses in the car and had let his hair down again, her hair band on his wrist, and he looked even prettier than before.
"Do you want my jacket?" he asked her, with a conflicted look on his face, as if he didn't want to. Nesta narrowed her brows and he hurried to add, "There's no hidden agenda to my offer, just a friend lending a jacket to another friend."
Nesta watched him for a moment, trying to really understand his intentions, but then remembered reading in one of the reviews that the library was heated inside and shook her head.
Cassian gave a small nod of assent and then pointed down the street, "Shall we?"
From where they had parked to the library it would have been about a ten minute walk and Nesta couldn't help but notice the way Cassian kept his distance between them as if he was afraid she would get scared and run away.
He was back to fidgeting nervously with his fingers and when he realised she was looking at him, he put them in his pockets, smiling tensely at her. He took a deep breath and then said, "So, what do you know about this library?"
Nesta looked ahead, hoping to catch a glimpse of the building, but the foliage of the trees was still too thick and they were still too far away for it to see anything. She brought her hands to her stomach, crossing her fingers, "I actually did a bit of research before I came. Did you know that the Peace Treaty between Prythian and Hybern of 1864 was signed here?" she asked in an excited voice.
Cassian smiled at her so naturally that she felt herself blush. He had an expression she couldn't decipher, but Nesta had never been good at cracking people in general, so she didn't venture to continue until he said, "Tell me more."
And Nesta launched into a detailed description of the events that had taken place inside the building, which only a hundred years before had become a bookstore. Only one wing of the building had been furnished in such a way as to become a real shop, the rest had been set up to be visited as a museum, one of the oldest libraries. She talked about the architecture and how it was obvious that the palace had been built long before it became an important meeting place for scholars and researchers.
"And in 1932 a fire destroyed the science wing, burning more than a hundred textbooks." Nesta sighed, thinking how devastating that loss had been. She lit up with happiness when she remembered what happened next. "But luckily, one of the most important literary clubs in the city got together and they managed to recover a small portion of the books. It took them years to rewrite every manual, but they got help from one of the local researchers, a certain Mr. Hawthorn, I can't remember the name or details of the research, only that he's mentioned often in the article I read."
When she paused to catch her breath, Nesta realised with immense horror what had just happened. Cassian had not spoken a word after asking her if she knew anything about the place and she had monopolised the conversation without even acknowledging him once. She felt herself flare up and knew in that moment that any hope they had of becoming real friends was gone.
Sometimes she would get lost in thought and ramble on about the things she was passionate about. Quite often people had stopped her, letting her know they weren't interested in the subject, but Cassian had never interrupted her and she was afraid to look at him, convinced she would only find boredom and disgust on his face.
That was why, when he spoke, she was struck dumb.
"I'm impressed." he breathed, chuckling immediately afterwards.
Nesta pushed herself to look at him and he stood admiring her with his mouth slightly open, as if he couldn't find the words. She felt her heart clench in her chest so tightly that she didn't know if she could survive the pain. Who knows how many times he'd tried to stop her and she'd gone on and on about windows and arches and treaties of peace.
But when she got a better look at him, stopping in front of him, Cassian looked... happy.
He let out a laugh, running a hand through his hair, and Nesta was distracted for a moment by the sway of his arms before she was brought violently back down to earth when he said, "You surprise me more and more every time, Nesta."
And the way he said her name - Ne-sta - made her toes curl.
"Why?" she managed to throw out in a weak voice.
Cassian laughed again, raising his eyebrows so high they ended under the hair on his forehead, locking his eyes to hers. "I have a degree in history and my final thesis happened to be on this very library." Nesta felt the ground open up beneath her feet and hoped it swallowed her alive. "I came out of university with top marks and various accolades for finishing my studies on time and you, dreadful creature that you are, have just taught me at least three new things about this place."
His gaze was so intense that Nesta had to lower her head to hide the satisfied and surprised smirk that popped up on her lips.
"You're amazing." huffed Cassian, "Perfect in every way."
She shrugged.
"Although," he clicked his tongue against his palate, "You made a mistake."
Nesta looked up at him, frowning, "Oh, yeah?"
Cassian nodded, smirking fiercely, "Why don't you turn around and admire the palace, and once we're inside, I'll explain what it is?"
She must have been so lost in her chatter that she hadn't noticed that they had arrived in the large entrance forecourt, because when she turned, her back to Cassian, the building stood among the forest trees, as imposing and splendid as ever. The photos had not done it justice in the slightest and Nesta was left speechless.
Living in a country with a history going back millennia, it wasn't hard to stumble upon historic streets with old buildings and monuments, but this was completely different.
She was still admiring the way the stone around the windows had been carved to look like trees trying to get into the building when she felt something settle on the small of her back. A hand.
Nesta stiffened slightly, before closing her eyes and relaxing.
Cassian must have noticed her discomfort because a moment later his hand was no longer touching her.
They entered the museum part of the building in silence and Nesta paid the entrance fees, reminding him of the tea he'd offered her last Sunday and Cassian hadn't been able to argue with that.
They had just passed the doors to the first room, the smallest in the entire palace, when he leaned towards her, to the point of touching her ear with his lips.
The fact that he was whispering as if they had been in a sacred place did things to her little icy heart, "Mr. Hawthorn was not a man."
Shocked by that information, Nesta's head snapped in his direction and she realised too late that she had miscalculated the space.
Her lips brushed against his cheek, the corner of his lips, before Cassian reacted so quickly he startled her, but avoiding them both an involuntary first kiss. His sudden movement caused him to lose his balance and he reached out his hands towards her, straightening as he held on to her shoulders.
Both of them were holding their breath.
Cassian cleared his throat, shifting his gaze to the wall of books, but returning to look at her soon after, "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry, you just surprised me," she said when she had recovered. "I must have read the article wrong."
He was still watching her and shook his head, "Oh no, I don't think it's that. They only found out a few months ago that it was Georgina and not George Hawthorn. They found letters in the house of what was thought to be Hawthorn's wife. Some people think they were just friends, but anyone who has read the letters they exchanged knows full well that they were lovers. Anyone who says otherwise is either homophobic or stupid."
Nesta realised that she could have listened to this for hours on end. And so it was.
The visit continued relatively quietly, Cassian explaining every detail to her, expanding on things she already knew and when he forgot something, she would step in and have her say, commenting on every little aspect.
She'd noticed how Cassian hadn't tried to touch her anymore and how whenever someone was about to bump into her, he'd vocally warn her instead of wrapping an arm around her shoulders to move her out of their way like he had on Sunday.
The visit to the museum lasted less than expected unfortunately, because Nesta hadn't had this much fun in too long. It was becoming easier to smile at him or tease him when he said dumb things and even he seemed to finally be more at ease when he had to make jokes that smacked of him.
When they finally got to the shop, Nesta couldn't stand on her feet anymore, she just wanted to buy all the books she saw and go home and arrange them on her shelves.
"Which section do you want to see first?" she asked him, even though she had started hopping impatiently about the place.
Cassian gave her a smug look, "Why don't you go wherever you want and I'll look for the manuals for the gazebo in the meantime? That way you don't waste time keeping up with me. I'll be right there."
Nesta let out an excited squeal and ran off, hearing only the echo of laughter that shook Cassian from head to toe.
***
As Cassian flipped through the various books to find a picture of a gazebo that looked similar to the one Feyre had requested, he kept casting glances at Nesta.
Her eyes sparkled as she grabbed book after book without even reading the synopses. She was in the romance novels section, from what he could see from where he stood, but soon ended up in the classics, where she grabbed just as many books. She moved to the mystery books section, this time stopping to read the plots and putting most of them back on the shelves.
Then, surprising Cassian, she walked over to where the historical novels were and turned to face him. He bent his head to the side, raising an eyebrow to ask her what she was doing there. Nesta seemed at a loss, trying to move all the books from one arm to the other to point him to join her, but Cassian was already halfway there and when she looked back up at him and found him standing in front of her, she gave him a bright smile.
"Hello." she exclaimed.
Cassian's breath caught for a second before he too sighed a greeting.
"I was thinking," Nesta began, running her eyes over the titles in front of them, "that you could recommend something about..." she wiggled her fingers as much as she could, trying to point to the shelf, and Cassian leaned forward, cursing himself for not thinking of it sooner.
"Here," he removed the first stack of books from her arms and she sagged a little, giving him a thankful look. "I can go get a bag so you can put them all in there and you don't have to carry them like this," he said taking all the books and having her help him arrange them so they wouldn't fall out.
He smiled at her over all the books, looking down at her and she smiled back just as happily.
Hell, if she looked at him like that every time he took her to a bookstore he should do it more often.
He had just turned to go towards the entrance, where he had seen special bags for carrying books, but Nesta stopped him by putting a hand on his arm.
"Wait!" she exclaimed almost impishly.
Cassian turned his head, genuinely worried that something had happened to her in the mere seconds he had been shot. He must have moved too fast, because one of the smaller classics flew off the top of the stack and landed right in her face.
Nesta groaned at the impact and brought her hands to her face, rubbing her forehead where it hurt.
"Oh my God, are you okay?!" he asked with wide eyes. And then Nesta laughed, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she stared at him and he visibly relaxed. "Christ, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw a book at you."
She waved a hand in mid-air, to let him know it was nothing, and bent down to pick up what he realised was A Vindication of the Rights of Woman. Of course Nesta was reading feminist classics.
She turned back to the books as if nothing had happened and Cassian had the urge to look for a list of all the bookstores in the world to take her to if it meant having her in such a good mood by his side, it didn't matter if she would never agree to go on a real date with him, he realised. As long as he could see her smile like that, he didn't need anything else.
"So, I was saying, before you battered me with a book-" she cast an amused glance over one shoulder at him.
He frowned, muttering, "I said sorry."
Nesta ignored him, "What do you recommend?"
Cassian blinked.
"You said you read historical novels right?" she asked, looking for confirmation, "You could recommend your favourites. But not the English or Russian classics. Or French ones. Chances are I've already read those."
Cassian was stunned. Nesta wanted advice on books. From him.
They were silent for too long as she turned around impatiently, "You lied?"
He looked surprised, "When?"
"When you said you were reading. Were you just doing it to impress me or were you serious?" she asked and maybe Cassian imagined it, but she looked disappointed.
He was quick to reply, "The Black Coat, by Neamat Imam. It's pretty recent, but set in the 1970s in Bangladesh. It's about a man who needs help and seeks it from a journalist he asks for work and one of the main themes is the famine that hit the country after it became independent. It's not my absolute favourite, but it certainly gives you something to think about."
Nesta nodded, searching through the titles and finding it almost immediately, "Anything else?"
Cassian felt his neck heat up and coughed a little before resuming speaking. "The Long Ships by Frans G. Bengtsson. Set in the tenth century, it's about a Viking who is called Red because of his hair and focuses on the European political outlook in the late Viking Age. Again, it's not as good as the historical classics, but it's nice and shows a way of life that we're definitely not used to. It's different."
After looking for a few minutes, Nesta gave up reading and turned to him, crossing her arms. She tilted her head to the side, watching him closely, "What's your favourite book?"
Cassian shrugged, settling the books against his chest, "I think at the moment it's The King Must Die by Mary Renault. But I change my mind every month when I find something more interesting or captivating."
She nodded thoughtfully, "I'll take that one then."
And Cassian wished he could change the title immediately because... what if she didn't like it? Or if she thought it was a stupid book? What would she think of him then?
But Nesta had already found a copy a few shelves down and there was no turning back.
He could counterattack, though, "What about yours? You're not going to give me any advice on feminist classics or blatantly trashy romance novels?"
Nesta opened her mouth wide, looking outraged as she placed the latest addition on the pile, settling the book under her chin, "How can you say they're trashy if you don't even know what they're about?"
Cassian chuckled, "On the cover of You Came," he said as he gave her a sly look, "there's something called a 'spicymeter'. How am I supposed to take you seriously?"
Nesta blushed, "I read erotic novels, so what? I have to keep myself busy in my spare time somehow."
And then he challenged her, "Get me the hottest book you've ever read," he said in a joking tone, "I'll go get the bag in the meantime."
She had already left for the section when he had an idea that would surely doom him depending on how Nesta would react.
He walked up to the cashier's desk, making sure she didn't notice, and begging the clerk behind the counter to be quick, paid for all her books, gently placing them back in the bags.
When he reached her again, she seemed not to have noticed anything.
"'So, what did you get me? Ride Me? Fucked You Good? Last Night I Gave You A Thousand Orgasms?" he teased her with an annoyed grin on his lips.
Nesta gave him a fiery glance before noticing the bags, quite different from those you put the things you wanna buy in, and closed her mouth tightly. She frowned and looked at them for so long before speaking that Cassian began to feel self-conscious.
"You paid for my books?" she whispered, looking at him.
He nodded.
"It's not a date, Cassian," she reminded him for the umpteenth time.
"I know, but-"
"So why would you pay for things that are mine?"
He couldn't read her. She wasn't hinting at anything.
She didn't look angry but she didn't look impressed or grateful either.
Cassian placed the bags on the ground between them and Nesta followed his every movement with her eyes.
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing, "My adoptive family is filthy rich. I have a trust fund that I never get to spend on things I really want to do, the only way I get to use it is by giving gifts to my friends, so just accept these as my first gift - friend to friend - and call it a day."
Nesta continued to be impassive as she kept her eyes fixed on the books.
Perhaps he had gone too far. After all, she had taken more than a hundred and fifty euros worth of stuff, but he really didn't mind.
He was about to apologise, tell her she could give the money back if it made her feel better. Cassian would find a way to spend it back on her at other times anyway.
Then she raised her head, handing him two books with hilarious covers to say the least, "These two have storylines full of plot twists. You won't be able to put them down, but don't expect big epic battles or Viking warriors. It's just two college kids trying to survive in the modern world while finding solace in each other."
He didn't even have time to thank her that she was already across the room and waiting in line so she could pay them.
He scoffed, shaking his head.
"I guess you'll be paying for these two," he said as he caught up with her.
Nesta didn't even look at him, pulling out her wallet, "A gift from a friend to a friend."
As they walked back to the car, Cassian offered to carry the bags, but she didn't want to hear one more word so they had managed to compromise and had split the load equally.
They'd been on the road for about thirty minutes now and Nesta had gone through every book he'd bought her, talking about all the previous works by the authors she was holding in her hand at the moment.
Cassian could have died like that. Happy, relaxed, listening to the plots of those dirty books with no moral lessons to teach the reader, just pure entertainment.
He wondered at that moment if he would make it through the first few chapters of the books she had offered him and let out a heavy breath through his nose as he turned right towards the coast.
Nesta looked at him wide-eyed, stopping her rant about the headmaster's son getting the occasional model student to fall in love with him. She brought a hand to her mouth, "Oh dear, sorry, I'm boring you. I'm sorry."
He gave her a confused look ready to tell her she didn't have to apologise, but she continued.
"Sometimes I do and I don't even realize it. And I realize they're not challenging plots where you have to apply some hidden lobe of the brain to understand them, but they distract me from everyday problems, you know? It's fun to be able to unplug a few hours after I get home from work and-"
"Jesus, Nesta, stop!" he laughed, placing a hand on her thigh. She sighed. "You don't have to apologise. Not when you're so excited about something." he looked at her slyly, offering her a reassuring smile, "In fact, I'm glad you're talking so much today. Normally I have to pull the words out of your mouth."
She blushed slightly and then grew sullen soon after, sitting up straighter, "This isn't the way to Velaris, where are we going?"
Cassian didn't answer.
"You're taking me into the woods aren't you?"
"We literally just came out of a forest."
She ignored him.
"I knew it. You're a serial killer."
"Nes-"
"You're a little dense though. Why would you spend so much on someone if you're going to murder them?"
He decided to ignore her, chuckling, "I'm taking you to the beach."
"Why?" she asked, somewhat unconvinced.
Cassian shrugged, "I wanted to see the sunset."
"You didn't ask."
He sighed, gripping the steering wheel, "Okay," he whispered, then louder, "You want to go to the beach and watch the sunset?"
She nodded in assent and then continued to read the plots aloud.
And Cassian could have sworn he was in heaven.
***
Nesta gathered more sand, making a small ball out of it and placing it on the top of one of the towers she had made so far.
"Where did you learn to make such good sandcastles?" asked Cassian suddenly from behind her, startling her.
She jumped in the air, turning to face him and noticing the satisfied smile on his face for having taken her by surprise.
Nesta didn't answer him immediately, but allowed herself to admire him a bit.
Since they had arrived at the beach, they had taken off their shoes and were now both barefoot and then Cassian had bent down and started to roll his trousers around his ankles, offering to do it to her jeans as well, but Nesta had refused. She had sat down, looking at the sea for a while, while he walked along the shore and collected stones and shells.
When he had come back to her and shown them to her, asking her to make a sandcastle, she had laughed at first, but faced with his serious expression, she had been unable to do anything but get up and roll up her sleeves, moving to where the sand was a little more workable.
She looked away from that heavenly vision and made another ball, placing it next to the one she had just made. "When I was little my mum never let me do these, she said I'd get too much sun and forced me and Elain to stay under the umbrella all day," she replied truthfully, remembering the cruel bite of jealousy watching the children on the shore.
"And Feyre?"
Cassian had joined her, kneeling beside her and had begun to place the shells so that they served as windows to the towers.
Nesta sighed, "Feyre was still too little when Mini Me wanted to build sandcastles, but as soon as I became 'too old to play like a kid'," she gave him a knowing look, mimicking her mother's voice, "and Feyre started to figure out she was an actual being, Mama let her do whatever she wanted. Even stand in the sun for hours on end." she shrugged. "Whether it was out of indifference or love, I never understood."
Cassian had been silent the whole time and now he watched her, hands on his thighs as he waited for her to give him more. For her to tell him another little piece of her soul.
So she offered him a forced smile, "So to answer your question, it's all pent-up creativity."
"Well, you're very good at it," he granted her. "I can imagine what you could have done if your mother hadn't been so strict."
Well, yeah.
"What about you?" she asked him.
"What about me?"
"Did you go to the beach a lot?"
Cassian smiled weakly, getting up and heading towards the water to collect more shells. He nodded a couple of times and then said, "My mum and I loved coming to the beach and she loved making castles. And she always put so many 'windows' on the towers-"
Nesta turned to look at their work, realising how many shells he had placed on the piles of sand. She smiled softly, covering her eyes from the sun and watching him walk towards her.
"We always came when she was free from work."
A charged silence settled between them until Cassian chuckled, drawing her attention, "What?"
"You said this wasn't a date. And that we're just friends. Right?"
Shifting her gaze to him, she noticed how he kept his hands hidden behind his back and the mischievous glint in his eyes didn't reassure her at all. Slowly she stood up, nodding.
"So, I must treat you as I would treat my friends. Correct?"
"Cassian, I swear to god that-"
She didn't have time to finish her sentence that something wet and sticky landed in her face with a resounding splash, making her jump back.
She took a deep breath and immediately regretted it when a strong smell of stale water and seaweed flooded her nostrils.
When she opened her eyes again, wiping the seaweed from her face, Cassian was doubled over in laughter.
She didn't even give him time to get up when she started to run towards him - to do what, she had no idea - but he started to run away too and soon they were chasing each other all around the beach, not noticing the sweet looks they were getting from the people around them.
At that moment, Nesta was running so fast that she could feel the wind in her hair and the smell and sound of the sea, together with the laughter of the man who was chasing her, mixed with her own and the continuous tapping of her feet on the sand, made her feel alive.
She felt Cassian come closer every few metres until two strong arms wrapped around her waist and she was pulled up and spun around in the air.
A surprised yelp escaped her as Cassian laughed in her ear, "Gotcha!"
It wasn't until he stopped spinning with her in his arms that they realised the position they were in and immediately broke away, laughing embarrassed.
Nesta turned to face him, her face red from running and her breathing laboured. He was in no better condition. His hair was pointing in all directions and his sculpted chest was rising and falling with haste under the black fabric of his shirt.
He looked away first, scratching the back of his neck and fixing his eyes on the sunset, and offered her his arm as they returned to where they had left theirs things unattended.
Nesta shook her head, laughing one last time and started to run, " Last to reach the castle is stupid!"
Cassian burst out laughing, but he caught up to her in the blink of an eye and they both knew that she had doomed herself to lose. That's why, when he fell tripping over his feet, Nesta knew he had done it on purpose.
She helped him up and they sat back as in silence they watched the sun go down, disappearing past the horizon and the blending lights of the sky created a breathtaking spectacle.
Nesta couldn't have noticed, too busy admiring the clouds, but Cassian had been watching her the whole time, trying to understand how something as sombre and secretive as her could look so bright just by being.
The journey back was silent, but this time the silence was not awkward. They both welcomed it with open arms, a new awareness that there was no need for it to be filled with chatter and that gave Nesta the opportunity to close her eyes for a moment and doze off.
When the car stopped outside her flat, Nesta was surprised to find that she didn't want to get out.
She turned to Cassian after she had gathered her things and nodded, "I had fun today."
He gave her a genuine smile, looking surprised, "Me too."
And then she permanently shocked him, adding, "I'm not working on Saturday, we could do it again. Changing location."
He blinked once. Twice. Then he nodded, "Sure."
He didn't seem to want to say anything more, so Nesta waved goodbye to him and then got out, not waiting for an answer from him.
Cassian stood motionless in the car park of her flat for another half hour, trying to figure out what had just happened, and when the reality of things finally dawned on him, he smiled, "Fuck yeah."
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kujakumai · 3 years ago
Text
cleaned up old WIP, 2800 words, AU where Yami Bakura succeeds in switching hosts in DK and Mokuba makes friends with an evil ghost. Not going to be continued but it literally would not leave my brain alone until I finished it.
Things were not going according to plan.
The plan was to take control of a soulless puppet, an easy vessel incapable of interfering with his ends. He had the vessel, had accomplished that much, but he was not expecting the pharaoh and his little friends to succeed and convince Pegasus to give everyone their souls back. So now not only was there a second person in this body he had to keep suppressed, but now he was stuck impersonating a child, smiling through an awkward reunion and then placed onto a helicopter next to a gangly high school student who was watching him like a hawk.
The spirit-that-was-no-longer-Yami-Bakura knew that he was supposed to be Mokuba, but he did not remember the tall one's name. K-something. He had a stupid jacket and hardly took his eyes off him the entire ride, as if he thought his little brother was going to disappear in a puff of smoke when he wasn't looking. Annoying. Infuriating. Luckily it did not seem he wanted to talk, or at least accepted silence. No one expects recent kidnapping victims to say much, which was a boon. A little dazed, a little quiet, a little off, and no one really found it unusual.
They dropped off the pharaoh and his friends, and finally landed at a gaudy and ostentatious house so large it took him a second to realize it was a home at all, an absurd monument to decadence with grounds full of ugly topiaries. Wealth, then. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad. He could work with this. The rich kid in the stupid coat quietly held his hand the entire walk up the driveway, until they entered a foyer just as gilded and obscene as the outside had been.
No, things were not going to plan, and playing grade-schooler was awkward and an insult to his dignity, and he was farther away from the other millennium items as he ever had been. He would have to grit his teeth through it until he could figure out the next step. In the meantime, perhaps, enjoy some amenities.
Richie rich sighed, relaxed his shoulders the moment they got inside. He looked at who he thought was his little brother and gave him a small, exhausted but genuine smile. He struggled with what to say next.
"Mokuba," he said, "I have to check on a few things in my office. See what kind of damage they did. Do you want to come with me?"
"No." Finally, a chance to be out of this idiot's sight.
This answer seemed to surprise him, a twitch of skepticism. "Will you be okay by yourself?"
He nodded. Keep answers short, when you're impersonating.
His face betrayed more skepticism, concern, and the tiniest hint of disappointment. As if rich kid himself was the one who was scared to be alone in his own house. He accepted the answer, though, to the spirit's relief.
Rich kid bent down and pulled him into a tight hug and ruffled his hair. "We'll get something special for dinner, okay? And ice cream."
"I do like ice cream." This was true. Ryou Bakura almost never bought ice cream, and when he did it was the stupid healthy kind that everyone knew shouldn't even really qualify as ice cream, which was another reason he was a terrible host. That and the fact that he was startlingly pale and had the upper body strength of a limp noodle and the personality of skim milk. This would be better, even if he had to deal with the abrupt drop in height.
Rich kid headed off towards the staircase with another tired but trying-to-be-reassuring smile, and it was then that the spirit of the ring felt an annoyance in the back of his brain. A presence. A scratching, biting, flailing presence, screeching mad, which he had been suppressing for a while now but finally broke through.
get out get out get out get out give it back its MINE get out
The host, awake. What a bother. More rambunctious than Bakura, then? No matter. He could handle a child.
that was MY hug and MY headpat and MY big brother and you can't have them he's been gone for ages and they're mine not yours get out get out get out
The spirit pushed back, ignored him. Shush. He had planned to hold this body alone, and he did not intend to go back to sharing. If you're good, I might let you have it back for a little while later.
shut up go away go away go away go AWAY
And then Mokuba Kaiba did something, something the spirit was not accustomed to or expecting at all, something which Ryou Bakura had never been willing or able to do. He shoved, violently, and the spirit of the ring was ripped out of control with some amount of panic.
"SETOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Why you insolent little--
Seto Kaiba was not aware of the mental turf war happening over his little brothers body. What he did see was his brother scream his name and fall down, and the whole room echoed with a metal clatter as his briefcase fell on the floor and he ran towards him.
--
The ring had been discarded unceremoniously to a side table, and not-Bakura-and-not-Mokuba-either had no choice but to wait and observe, as a pediatrician on a sudden housecall shined lights in the boy's eyes and rich kid, who the spirit had since gleaned was named Seto Kaiba, looked on in worry.
"You said you heard a voice?" The doctor asked.
"Uh-huh. I think it lives in the necklace."
"You got that thing at Pegasus's house?" Kaiba asked, in disbelief.
"I don't remember. I was just wearing it when I woke up."
"What did the voice say?" the doctor continued, professionally ignoring any talk about magic necklaces.
"Not a lot. It was kind of mean."
"I see." She turned to Kaiba. "He's fine, physically. You might want a psychologist." and Seto Kaiba made what could politely be referred to as A Face. This was not what he wanted to hear, this was news that worried and annoyed him in equal measure, and to some degree was news he had half-expected.
"He's had a rough few months. I'll look into it." and she was dismissed, and Mokuba hopped down from the counter.
"Can we order pizza?" he asked, with big pleading eyes.
Kaiba watched him with dry amusement. "Mokuba, you can have anything you want from any restaurant in a forty mile radius."
"And I want pizza. Real pizza, from somewhere that doesn't also serve caviar."
"Cheap pizza?"
He nodded very seriously. "The grossest greasiest cheapest."
"I can do that. Anything else you want?"
Mokuba's eyes lit up, and soon he was dragging Kaiba by the hand towards somewhere else in the house. "I got to this really hard level in my game I can't get past and I wanted to see if you could beat it, and I found this really cool video I wanted to show you, and I got a really good report card you never saw, and--" and months worth of pent up requests were tumbling out rapid fire, and Kaiba was smiling with affection and some amount of relief.
Loud and clingy, then, was the normal and expected behavior. The spirit of the ring made note of this, as he lie abandoned.
--
The ring was still sitting on a side table, in Mokuba's bedroom, apparently because no one knew what to with it or thought it mattered much. This was a problem. The spirit couldn't do anything without a host, and now everyone was suspicious, these stupid rich people worried too much and paid too much attention.
He was forced to sit there all night, pondering about how he was going to get out of this mess, when at one or two in the morning he observed Mokuba wake up, and rub his eyes, and hop out of bed. He did not turn the light on, but he did check the time, and reach under his bed to retrieve what appeared to be a small backpack. He took it with him as he moved quietly towards the door, and the spirit saw his chance.
Hey, kid. He was near enough to speak into his head. Maybe this wasn't a dead end.
"You!" Mokuba stopped in his tracks and looked right at the ring.
Yes, me. This could be salvaged, he thought, concocting a plan. This was a child. Play friendly ghost and imaginary friend. Surely it would not be hard to weasel himself into the good graces of a sixth grader.
Mokuba glared at the ring with suspicion. "I don't think Seto believed me when I said you could talk, but I knew it." He picked it up delicately by the string to examine.
Where on earth are you going at this time of night?
Mokuba was the current host, technically, so there was a connection, and 11 year olds are not particularly used to or adept at hiding their own thoughts, especially inside their own heads. The answer, if not in words but in abstract concept, was provided instantly as it bubbled to mind. He was going to the kitchen, as he did once or twice a week, not their personal kitchen but the house staff kitchen, where he would move a chair to stand on the counter to reach the very back of the highest shelf of the third cupboard to the left, which was where one of the cleaning staff kept a pile of chocolate so he could cheat on his diet without his wife knowing, a fact Mokuba knew through surreptitious eavesdropping. Mokuba's end was to steal just enough of it that he wouldn't be noticed, and add it to a stash of snacks and other shiny trinkets currently hidden in the bottom of a pile of legos in his closet.
...You steal food to hide in your closet? Why would a child who lived in a three-story mansion need to steal?
Mokuba was only mildly perturbed by the fact that someone had just read his mind. He was mainly curious, now. "Our dad didn't like junk food, so I always took stuff to keep around." he explained, "I guess I don't really have to anymore, 'cuz Seto will let me have whatever I want, but--" he faltered, unable to finish or give a reason.
There wasn't a reason, and Mokuba knew that. There was no need to sneak or stash or steal anymore, but he kept doing it, irrationally, for reasons that confused him, a complicated swirl of things a child could not name or understand but were very easy for the spirit to read. Fear; compulsion; habit; the illusion of safety; the sense that your life was precarious, unstable; a need to exert control over your surroundings. It was not the food or the stealing that mattered, but of the hiding, of having something they could not take away from him.
Mokuba didn't understand any of that, because he was 11 and 11 year olds don't understand why they do anything. He just knew he liked sweets and hated people telling him what to do and that having bags of chips and other people’s lost jewelry at the bottom of an old toybox made him feel better.
Can I come with you?
"No! You tried to take control of me!"
Yes, but you kicked me out, and you'd probably be able to do it again, so I would be stupid to try. I also like chocolate, you see, and it's very boring to be stuck here on your desk.
"Can you even eat? You're a necklace."
I can when I borrow a body.
"You tried to take over me so you could eat chocolate? I'm not stupid enough to believe that."
That and other things. I can't do very much at all, while stuck in the ring. No food, no sunshine, no running around. It's no fun to be without a body, which is why I am occasionally driven to steal one. Terribly sorry about that. he added, in his most pathetic-sounding tone, Please? I don't have anyone else to talk to.
Mokuba was hesitant, but clearly found the fact of his existence too interesting to ignore. "Fine." He picked up the ring and dropped it unceremoniously into his backpack, which had a dragon on it.
Not trust yet, but tolerance and curiosity. One step at a time.
You shouldn't go barefoot, you know. Socks will be quieter if you're trying not to get caught.
"I didn't ask you."
So Mokuba descended down the stairwell, in the dead quiet and dark of the Kaiba Mansion, with no flashlight because he knew it well enough to navigate blindfolded. The place was decadent in the ugly way rich people's houses were, luxury but without taste, soft carpets and gilded banisters.
Mokuba had not quite realized yet how to think at the ring, so he spoke in a low whisper. "What are you, anyway?"
A ghost. So much more complicated than that, but simple words were suitable for children.
"How'd you end up a ghost in a necklace?"
I died, and then someone put me in a necklace.
"That's not an answer." he followed up, "Do all dead people become ghosts?"
No. Just sometimes, maybe, if the way they died was especially violent or gruesome or terrible.
Mokuba frowned. He had caught on remarkably quickly to guarding his own head, but the spirit could tell he didn't like this answer.
This was delicate, but he risked a push. Was there someone you had in mind?
Mokuba said nothing. He reached the staff kitchen on the lowest floor, and opened the door, slow and careful. He was deciding whether to say anything, as he climbed up as quietly as he could and reached far into the back of the cupboard, scrabbling.
"Our dad killed himself last year. Jumped out a window." He finally said, hopping down with his spoils. He said this the same way one might dolefully report the milk had gone bad. Unfortunate but boring.
You don't sound very sad.
"Nah, he sucked. And he never liked me." he said, "Seto was really really upset though. He was pretending not to be, but I could tell." Now there were feelings there, big and weird and sad and clinging ones. For reasons the spirit could not discern, the simple phrase ‘Seto was upset’ carried with it more weight, a thousand million times more weight, than news of a father's tragic death by defenestration. "I hope he's not a ghost. I don't wanna see him again."
Probably not.
Mokuba sat down cross-legged on the kitchen floor, unwrapped candy in silver foil. "You really can't do anything from in the necklace? Like, ghost stuff? Make things float or anything?"
No. It is a bit like being trapped in a very small box.
Mokuba mulled this over for a little while. "If you wanted to borrow a body to do fun stuff, you could have just asked."
Really?
He nodded. "Not being able to eat chocolate sounds lame. It'd be mean to just leave you like that." He put one chocolate into his mouth and dumped the rest in the backpack, where they covered the ring unceremoniously. More indignities. "Not in front of my brother, though. And you have to give it back whenever I say so."
...I could agree to such a compromise. Your candy haul is impressive, by the way.
"Thanks!" He grinned, emanating genuine pride. No one had ever complimented him for stealing before.
Tragic, the work of great thieves. How the very best of it can never be bragged about, the most impressive of skills gone unnoticed by nature, how the very success of a perfect crime relies on keeping your mouth shut about it. An unappreciated art, where even mastery gains you no respect.
You don't care that this poor man has to go out and buy twice as much food to make up for what you steal?
"No, he's a jerk. One time when I was six they confiscated my gameboy, so I went to steal it back and he caught me and told my dad and I got in huge trouble. So every day for a week I snuck down here and moved his keys to a different place so he couldn't find them. They were all so mad at him for losing them all the time, and he thought he was crazy."
Why was your gameboy confiscated?
"Don't remember. I think I bit someone at school." he shrugged, "They probably deserved it, though."
Mokuba Kaiba. he said, I think you and I are going to be excellent friends.
"Okay. Do ghosts watch cartoons?"
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to-be-a-dreamer · 3 years ago
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Hello, it has been three hours and I have not been able to stop thinking about the boys. So now I come bearing gifts of Darcy/Bill headcanons. I guess these are for a modern era but most of them could be any time period.
Darcy is definitely the more shy one between the two. He's proud of his work but has trouble letting himself show it off. Bill is just barely not crossing the line between confident and arrogant. He's good at what he does and he knows it but he never acts annoying about it.
THAT BEING SAID Bill will go bright red and become a stuttering mess every single time Darcy shows him any form of romantic affection. Like he'll be talking to someone and being all cool and collected and then Darcy will walk up, kiss him on the cheek, say "gotta go now, love you", and then leave without another word. This leaves Bill completely incomprehensible for a solid five minutes.
No, I cannot stress enough just how utterly whipped this boy is for Darcy. Like Bill would legitimately help him get away with murder, they know this for a fact. One time Darcy was dared to prank call Bill and he said, "Hey babe, do you think you could come over and help me hide a body?" And Bill just immediately said, "Yeah, of course, you got a shovel or should I bring mine?"
"Bee, you were supposed to say no"
"Well gee sorry, I just wanted to support you"
"And I love you for that, but you shouldn’t support me committing homicide"
Oh, related note, Darcy calls him "Bee". Everyone (including Bill) thinks he's saying "B" as in short-for-Bill but no, it's bee, like a bumblebee. Bill tends to hum when he's working or just walking around the house. He doesn't even realize he’s doing it, but Darcy finds it adorable.
For their first Valentine's Day as a couple, they went to a fancy restaurant and they were both bored out of their minds before they even got their appetizers so they just left, went to the park, bought greasy tourist-trap hot dogs, and fed the pigeons for literal hours. Being raised in high-class families means they've been to enough fancy events for three lifetimes so they like to go out and do simple, meaningful stuff for dates.
They tried to go hiking once and made it about 1/8 of a mile before just sitting down in a clearing and looking at birds and trees and wildflowers. Neither of them is a really big outdoorsy person, they just wanted to try something new. The hiking part sucks but they enjoy being outside together. (Even if Bill complains about the bugs the entire time and Darcy is overly-dramatic about the heat.)
Bill carved their initials surrounded by a heart into a tree, like a literal seventh-grader and that became their "spot". They never go hiking past that point. Not on purpose, they just always get distracted and all lovey-dovey.
He definitely proposed there
Before they got together, they both individually went to Katherine for relationship advice and she was so frustrated by their inability to just ask each other out that she legitimately considered locking them in a closet until they made out.
She doesn’t have to because Race and Albert do it for her.
It took them so long to get together because Bill’s father gave him some good ole fashioned internalized homophobia. Bill’s always been okay with it and he was very supportive when Darcy came out, but it took him a while to accept his own sexuality.
Dunno why but I see Darcy as pan and Bill as gay. I’m not projecting onto Darcy no, of course not, why would I do that
This was fun I love them. Thank you to @katherinebly for being the reason I wrote all this down, I literally have not been able to stop thinking about them since I got that ask.
Also if anyone wants to give me an excuse to write Bill and Darcy getting locked in a closet together my asks are always open just saying
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penny-quinn · 3 years ago
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Eu.ph.oria
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Pairing :Enhypen jungwon× reader
Genre : fluff, enemies to lovers
Requested: yes by @nanasmitek
Word count: 1.7k
Authors note : I hope y'all like it. Honestly, i wasn't planning on writing like this but it just kinda happened. It's quite a new format to write but I hope you all enjoy it.
Tagging: @sweetrainwrites @diffuserlover @dimplehyunn @nikieskoo @azure-arcanum @fairycob @jungwon-luv-bot-returns @shrutiajit
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(the feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness)
The shameless diary of a teenager's life.
April 17
I hate him, the way he arrogantly chitchats; of how he does nothing yet girls are always flaunting over him. I just hate his existence.
Met Jungwon at the summer camp and it was the worst(actually no, I didn't know anyone besides him and since I'm so not good at socializing I just kinda stick to him) day.
So I shout, he shouts , we shout and the teacher shouts. The end.
We had water guns throwing at each other and I swear it was very brutally fun.
April 23
was the first day to senior high and here's the thing. Teachers are those petty creatures who always arrange your seat with your hated ones.
I HATE JUNGWON, literally every person in the school knows this and yet why? Am I always paired with him?Why the heck man.
Like The guys in puberty, they are Hella annoying and Jungwon, he's the supreme of them all.
May 4
Are my feet a garbage bin? No! But that four eyed Jungwon couldn't care less as he dumped all those pencil dusts in my shoes. And as It was-not-so-my-day I just dumped mine at his cuz it was a tit-for-tat.
May 15
Went to the swimming pool with the class. Caught jungwon staring at me? And glancing at him, I saw those firm abs? Hate to admit it but they were some eye-catching stuff.
May 29
Was cleaning the gym with my freaking pair jungwon. While I did all the work he couldn't even turn the lights off?
Does humanity even exist in this world?
Sulked about it to mom and like always, all she says is to look at him in a different light; but in a different light I see the devil's horns in his Shadows.
June 1
Was fighting with Jungwon like usual but when his fingers scratched my cheeks he immediately tried to treat it.
My heart skipped a beat as I was caught off guard. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with him?
Knowing him, he doesn't even spare a glance at unwanted people; maybe it's all my delusion.
June 6
As we share the desk, my legs brush off against his; he kinda hits my legs saying that I crossed territory. Who cares? I said as I too hit him. And that's how we both fiddled our legs underneath the desk.
Lately I've been smiling a lot.
June 20
Been busy with studies. Cramping with these piles of homework. But the football tournament with other schools was such a refreshment.
Cheered on top of my lungs, and when we had won; I felt that even among the crowds jungwon was staring at me and winked?
Although sweat was dripping off him, cannot lie he did look dashing. Uhh, that evil devil.
July 2
The exams have started and just when I was gonna cheat from a fellow front desk classmate, Jungwon raised his hands and brought the teacher to our place.
Literally, he really is the evil creation of god.
July 11
Exams have ended and I went shopping with wooyoung. BESTIE and I were at the ice cream parlor weeping over our results cause it wasn't as good as expected.
And there arrives Jake and jungwon. Saw us and had some talk. As arrogant as Jungwon was, he shows off saying the exams were as simple as playing in the sand. Wtf?
July 19
Results are out and I cry all day in my room. Where does all my hardwork go huh? To my tummy? With the food?
Mom consulted me with some chocolate cake. It's very delicious.
July 20
Jungwon said that he'll give me tutoring lessons. Everyday after school at the coffee shop on Sixth Street.
Didn't want to but I am in desperate need of help. I have always been taught to never be shy in terms of education and free offer? From top grader jungwon? Why not?
August 1
The lessons have been going smoothly and so has my tutoring. Had some days where we would actually go to him or my home to study but it was all chill.
He's not as annoying as he used to be but it's still there.
August 9
Wonnie lets out the worst and most hilarious jokes which never fails to make me laugh.
"The sexy kimbap?" "Nude kimbap!"
It was the highlight of the day;
August 14
There Was a festival at school today. It felt surreal as Jungwon treated me.He bought me cotton candy, a cute keyring of Winnie the Pooh, and had some hot-out-of-the-oven- cheese pizza.
It was definitely a fun day. The reason he treated me was because he lost at rock-scissor-paper to me in the tutoring session.
August 29
Feels weird to say it but jungwon farts really badly. 😂. In the tutoring class, he farts out loud.
Our own little inside joke " black magic = fart"
September 3
Jungwons sick and hasn't attended the class for a while. I feel weirdly out of place. Got no one to talk to except to wooyoung. I guess I kinda miss him.
Am I going insane?
September 10
Wonnie has returned. Exams have started. I have a good feeling this term.
September 31
When? How? I don't know but Jungwon and I ended up having a deep conversation about red threads and It was a blissful moment.
October 4
Just for the sake of fashion I wore a thin skirt with a half sleeved top. It was freezing and Jungwon gave me his football team jacket to wear.
It smelled just like him; and it was warm. Wooyoung teased me so much, cause the back had a huge "YANG JUNGWON" written .t_t
October 13
Sports day is coming up. While Wooyoung and I belong to the Red House, Jungwon belongs to the Yellow house.
During the house competitions he secretly enters our place and takes me away.
He takes me out of the crowd and gives me him, sherpa-denim jacket. It was a warm gesture.
October 15
Wonnie and I, we've got a lot closer than before. Maybe mom was right, I failed to see his other side because of my hatred but I do now. And it's not that bad.
Although we do argue at small things like "biology is better or physics?"
In the games, Jungwon shined at all of them . I like how he tries his best at everything.
October 28
"You seem like the type to love 'em and leave 'em
And disappear right after this song
So give me the night to show you, hold you
Don't leave me out here dancing alone"
Jungwon casually sings it aloud at class and those lyrics? He specifically glazed at me with something i-dunno-how-to-explain. And my cheeks had gone red; and when he saw that he smirked and sang ``Let me show you what you're missin', paradise" and once the song ended he started to tease me like an apple.
November 5
Strangely I've had this weird feeling inside my heart. Every time I look at Jungwon, my heart beats out aloud. Thinking about him makes me happy and my days become beautiful.
But I don't like this, what has he done to my heart.
November 11
I have been ignoring Jungwon, because what I am experiencing are some profound feelings that are causing a turbulence in my heart.
Had a girls day with wooyoung. She was persistent that I tell her everything and I did. I had to because I'm not very good at stuff like these.
"You like him, like duh?" She says and it was like a slap to my face.
Why oh why? We had barely become friends and now this?
November 15
Wonnie traps me in the hallway. My back was facing the wall while His hands were firmly placed at both sides not allowing me to leave.
He questioned me as to why I had been ignoring. How could I have told him that I liked him huh? We use to be enemies and with this twist of events,i-
I just couldn't. I wa scared and acted as if I was annoyed and I-
I left. His eyes, they held sadness and I couldn't look no more.
December 6
Winter vacation starts. But I had a gloomy heart. Hopefully, travelling tos grandma's home would give me some strength.
January 2
Classes resumed. But I still couldn't find the courage to glance at him. Hopefully he spoke first because the tension between us was eating my heart out.
"Hey, how was-
How was your vacation?"
And that's how it all started again.
January 7
These days I start to notice his little things. Of how he loved cats but he didn't dare to go near 'um.
His love for dalgona, his little squeaks while he ate something tasty. The more that I know him the more I want to. Something inside me has started to change but I like it because my days are again becoming sweet like candy.
January 11
"I was so much younger yesterday" I thought as I went to jungwon. With a chocolate box.
After the girls nights with wooyoung, I had decided to confess to him because it was now or never-
"Hey Jungwon," I greeted him.
"Hey, what's up?" He got up as he was just playing around with Jake at ground
" Wanna come with me to the roof?" You offer and he gives a nod.
Once we were at the top of the building we went near the grills. The view from there was awesome but my heart was beating like crazy
"So, let's-
Let me get this straight. I-
I LIKE YOU" I said. I had finally said it out loud. My palms were literally sweating and my face was a blushing red mess. My eyes were closed and my hands were reaching out giving him the chocolate box.
The silence had filled the air. As I looked up, I could see that he was holding his laughter."you stupid! Why would he ever even accept you? Oh my stupid ass with a delulu brain" I cursed at myself. But to the latter, his cheeks; they had a tint of red. He kept touching his nose as he stares deep into my eyes and says
"I like you too"
And at that moment, he was the cause of my euphoria.
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arizona-trash-bag · 3 years ago
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as my passive consumption through osmosing my mutuals’ content continues (thanks guys💖), I somehow found myself learning about chinese aristocratic titles whilst looking up a literal translation of 当年万里觅封侯 (Those Years In Quest Of Honor Mine). ya know, as you do. which made me reflect on the sometimes ridiculous degree of archaic/literary language in danmei, and just how rich my native culture really is.
backstory: I went to third grade and half of second grade in china, which actually gave me a passable level of fluency. for reference, I could read all of Harry Potter without a dictionary. I am however a genius (literally - an IQ test was part of my adhd panel) and was hyperlexic so ymmv. but it’s not unreasonable to expect that the average third grader could read most non-technical contemporary texts without much trouble.
apparently, danmei does *not* fall under ‘texts I can read without much trouble’. hahaha🤦‍♀️ a lot of danmei is set in historical eras and uses literary/classical language, as well as a ton of literary references and fancy four-word idioms. when briefly attempting to read 2ha raws, I was looking up words every other sentence and finding the [literary] label tacked next to the definition (although meatbun’s prose is some of the most sophisticated i’ve ever seen, danmei or otherwise. I really did myself dirty starting with her sigh)
so I was curious about the literal translation for the title of this book, bc I couldn’t quite line up the english title with my reading of the chinese title. the first four characters were fine, but I couldn’t even sound out 觅, and I could read 封 and 侯 separately but they didn’t make sense to me in this blurry context.
(I actually also got 侯 wrong - I had it mixed up with 候, which means ‘to wait’. those characters differ by one stroke. i’m pressed😩)
so I was even more confused bc I was reading 封 as ‘to seal’, as in an envelope. so I was like - ‘that year ten thousand li* [something] seal wait’??? what the fuck?? but I was too lazy to look it up. then I finally got tired of the voice in my head going ‘dang nian wan li mmph feng hou’ every time I read the title (does anyone else do that with words they don’t know in pictographic languages?? surely i’m not the only one?)
so I finally looked it up, and 觅 simply meant ‘to seek’. aha! suddenly the ‘quest’ part of the translation made sense. but what about the ‘honor’ bit? tf did that come from?
it turns out that character I got wrong - 侯 - meant ‘marquis’! things start to make more sense! and here’s where I learned that there are indeed five orders of nobility in feudal china. clearly I wasn’t paying attention in The Wife is First, bc 侯 is also Han Zhang’s family’s title.
the full list, if you’re curious:
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definition courtesy of the Pleco app, which has helped me track down many an obscure character
so that then gave 封 another reading that i’d totally forgotten about: to ‘confer’, as in a title!
so finally we have:
当年 - that year
万里 - ten thousand li
觅 - to search
封侯 - to confer the title of marquis (!! meaningful bc it’s a major character beat in the book. not a spoiler tho don’t worry)
finally, we got here. all because of seven characters. bye, i’m gonna go cry about the rich complexity of the chinese language again.
*unit of measurement, approx 500km
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moon-kn1ght · 4 years ago
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toes in the water
pairing: frankie morales x reader
word count: 2k 
warnings: kindergarten should def be a warning, maybe also incredibly unvaried sentence structure? rated E for everyone :)
a/n: this is going to be a small series surrounding a single father frankie morales and reader who is a kindergarten teacher. semi-slow burning, super cute and will def have storage closet / after-hours classroom sex at some point. thank you @wyn-dixie for the beta and for quelling my anxieties about literally everything. 
masterlist || tag form
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Were you supposed to be using the kindergarten enrollment forms to sus out potential cute, single parents? No, definitely not. 
But the process of going through the individual forms and comparing them to the database for possible clerical errors was tedious at best, and grueling at its worst. Sitting on those tiny kindergarten chairs, you and the other four members of your team of teachers had already rehashed all of the gossip from the summer, including how Jessica the first year teacher from the 3rd grade cohort had hooked up with that sleazy geometry teacher from the high school at the end of the year district-wide social last May. 
“God, I remember when he was student teaching at the middle school,” Dora, your most senior coworker who had ‘been around the block a few times’ and also held onto every piece of gossip that circulated in your district for the last 17 years, drawled, “He had the grossest little rat mustache, you could hardly tell him apart from the 8th graders!” 
The group laughs in response to that joke, always ready to make of the holier-than-thou high school teachers. “You know what?” Dora adds, “You’d think after so many years, I’d be used to these tiny fucking chairs, but I am not. I need a walk and a Diet Coke.” 
“I’ll join you!” chimed Joanne, the second-oldest teacher in your cohort. The two leaders of your team left the room, leaving you, Claudia, and Andrés, the youngest teachers in the kindergarten cohort. Andrés and you had gone through your credential program together and had known each other for upwards of five years now as best friends. When the two of you arrived at Franklin Elementary, fresh out of school, Claudia had just completed her first year so she welcomed more young teachers with open arms. The three of you have been inseparable for the past several years now. 
“Okay, pull out your stacks!” Andrés orders, citing your group’s earlier plan to use this menial labor to check for potential single parents. You were just looking on the forms to see who did not have both parents listed. It wasn’t a perfect system. And yeah, it was probably inappropriate but y’all were just messing around and killing time on this sweltering August day. 
“I have one in my class!” you offer. “Student: Grace Miller. Parent: Susan Miller. Occupation: Landscape architect.” 
“Oooo, intriguing. Love someone who works with their hands,” Claudia remarks in a silly, sultry voice. “I have one, the student is named Peter, mom is Karen. She’s an accountant.” 
“I don’t like the sound of that. Karen? Yeah no thank you. Glad she’s in your class, not mine.” Andrés laughs and you join him. Kindergarten was just as much of a transition for students as it was for parents, and sometimes they took it harder than the kids. “Here’s to hoping she doesn’t live up to her name...” he continues, “Ooh, I have one! He's single dad--” 
Oooh, you and Claudia purr.
“Rosalia Morales is the daughter of single dad Francisco; form says he's a small business owner,” Andrés presents this crown jewel piece of information to a round of applause from you and Claudia. 
“Ugh, let’s hope he’s cute!” Claudia adds and the three of you dissolve into giggles as the older women  return from their Diet Coke run. 
—X—
Rosalia Morales was ready for kindergarten. Frankie Morales, on the other hand, was not. 
The younger Morales had spent the first weeks of August carefully preparing for this new (and very important) chapter in her life. She carefully deliberated over decisions like what backpack and lunchbox to get from Target (she chose a matching Sofia the First set, so that it could be a topic of conversation for her and her potential new friends at school) to what she was instructing her father to pack in her lunchbox (no PB&J’s in case her new friends were allergic, she wanted to be able to sit at the same lunch table with them and not have these seminal weeks defined by the separation of Peanut vs Peanut free lunches). Rosalia was very meticulous, and she always had been. She was well-prepared to face all the challenges kindergarten wanted to throw at her. 
While Rosalia had spent weeks preparing, Frankie had spent weeks dreading the imminent separation from his favorite person in the universe. Yes, he had sent Rosalia to preschool and pre-K but those had all been half-day programs. He would drop her off on his way to work and then pick her up at lunchtime. That only meant four hours apart but full-day Kindergarten was drop-off at 7:45am and pick up at 3:30pm. Seven and a half hours. How am I going to do it? he thought to himself. 
—X—
At Franklin, they implemented a very specific first day schedule. Parents walked their kids to their classrooms to hang up their bags, then the students got to go play on the playground while the parents left. The older teachers designed this system to reinforce to the students that school = fun. Yes, of course there were always students who had a rougher first day, but it usually took a couple of hours for the fatigue to set in before the students realized how long the day (and year was going to be). 
This system most importantly allowed for a clean break with the parents, a solid ‘goodbye!’ point that the teachers could enforce. But, always, there were some straggler parents (either loitering inside, near the front door or in their cars in the parking lot). The administrative team would let the indoor stragglers know that it was time to leave, but they would have two of the teachers go into the parking lot to make sure all the parents had cleared out. 
This year, you and Claudia had pulled those short straws, so while the rest of your team monitored the early recess, you two roamed the parking lot with reassuring waves and “I’m sorry, it’s district policy, you have to leave the parking lot after drop off.” Everyone usually took it graciously—it’s like ripping off a band-aid, it’s better to just get it done. 
You had almost cleared the lot of loitering vehicles when you came upon an older, red truck with a man inside it. His window was down so you began to speak to him a little before he noticed you, causing him to jump. 
“Hi, I'm one of the teachers in the Kindergarten cohort," you say as you run your bare left hand through your hair. “Are you a parent?” 
As he turns to look at you, you can notice that even with his cap pulled low, he has definitely been crying a little. “Hey, yes sorry. I’m Frankie Morales, Rosalia’s dad,” the man stammers, “I’m sorry, I know the policy, I think I’m just having a little bit of separation anxiety.” HIs brown eyes look a little bloodshot as he gives you a half-hearted smile. 
You search his face and see no traces of dishonesty, this is just a man very nervous to be sending his kid to school. And a cute one at that too. Claudia called it, you think. 
Before you can let your mind wander too far about this stranger, you have to say something. “Mr. Morales...” you start. 
“Please call me Frankie. Mr. Morales is my dad,” he interjects nervously.         
“Okay, Frankie,” you say. “I understand how nerve-wracking sending your kid to school can be. I may not be a parent myself, but I can empathize. But I can also offer to you that in my years in kindergarten, I’ve never seen a student not adjust to the classroom,” you offer. 
“But I also understand that our anxieties can be irrational and don’t like when presented with things that might undermine them. So it’s okay to still be nervous or anxious right now,” you add. “Do you think there’s something that I could do to help you feel better about leaving school property in the next ten minutes or so?” you smile a little to help this last bit come off as nice as possible. 
“I…” he mumbles, “I… I’m not sure, my parental intuition is telling me that something will happen in the middle of the day and it’ll take me too long to get here, which I know isn’t going to happen but… I’m worried that I won’t be able to be enough for her”  
“You worry because you care, and I can already tell that you care about her a lot. Hey, like I said, our worries don’t have to be rational to get at us.”
“She’s just all I have, she’s the center of my universe,” he adds. With this, you can see the shift in his eyes, from worry to love. You can tell that he loves his daughter with his whole heart. 
“Rosalia is in Andrés', I mean, Mr. Gonzales’s class, right?” 
“Yeah, she is.” 
“I think I might have a solution, a little band-aid just for today,” you bid and Frankie looks hopeful. “This is very much against district policy so you have to promise not to tell on me.”  
He laughs with this, and promises not to tell. “How about I give you my phone number, and any time that your fatherly intuition is telling you that something bad is going to happen, you can text me and then I’ll peek across the hall to Rosalia’s classroom, and I can factually assure you that nothing bad is happening?” 
Frankie actually smiles, for the first time in this whole conversation, “That would be great,” he says.
—X—
As you knew would happen, the day passed without incident. Frankie didn’t even text you, which you felt good about. But also a little sad because you wanted to start a little texting thing with this single dad. But you knew it would be a little inappropriate, in your heart of hearts. 
After all the students get picked up, Claudia and Andrés migrate into your classroom. 
“Don’t you think the first day of school calls for a celebratory drink out this afternoon?” Andrés probes. He always was down for happy hour (and to be truthful, you were too). “We should go to the brewery down the road, they have some nice outdoor seating.” 
“I’m in,” you state, “And I may or may not have some other good news..” you tease. 
“What? What good news could have happened in a room full of 6 year-olds?” Claudia jokes. 
“Y’all can’t tell anyone but I got the phone number of that single dad from Andrés’s class,” you say as quickly as you can. 
Claudia and Andrés both break into shrieks with this news. 
“Oh my god, I can’t believe our prowling on the enrollment forms WORKED!!” Andrés exclaims. 
“He was nervous at drop off so I gave him my number but he didn’t end up texting me, so nothing will probably ever come of it. But still, small win in my book.” 
Claudia throws her head back, “You deserve all the wins you get, whatever happens, we’re psyched for you.” 
Later, during happy hour you check your phone and notice a new text from an unsaved number. 
Hey, thanks for your help this morning, having this line of communication made me feel a lot better. Rosalia had a great day today. -Frankie 
You try to keep your facial expressions minimal as you read the message. They don’t need to know about this, you think to yourself before shooting back a quick message. 
That makes me so happy Frankie. Feel free to reach out whenever you need! About whatever :) 
You add that last line hastily and hit send. I can thank this liquid courage for that, you think as you down the rest of your pint. 
TAG LIST: @wyn-dixie | @empress-palpat1ne | @marvelousmermaid | @knivesareout | @sleep-tight1 | @justanotherblonde23​ | 
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wisteria-lodge · 3 years ago
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badger primary + very burnt lion secondary (bird model)
Hi, I’m a Badger primary and stuck between Lion and Snake secondary. I model Bird and Badger over whatever my (probably pretty burnt) secondary is. Would you mind helping me figure it out?
As a kid, I remember being a total joker in class. I thought it was really funny to trick my friends. I got everyone to start chanting at the teacher once. I’d do something daring (for a first grader) like look up “sex” in the dictionary. It basically just said gender and I was confused about what all the fuss was 🤦🏻‍♀️.
Definitely see why you’re thinking Improvisational secondary. One of the old-school SHC bits of wisdom is that when proud rule-breaking is a personality trait, that’s usually the sign of a Lion secondary.
My mom didn’t want me reading all night so I hid flashlights under my bed and would pretend to sleep if she checked on me. I’d lie and would only feel bad about it if threatened with consequences. If I got in trouble, I’d lie or pretend I didn’t know what I’d been doing.
But I could also see Snake. Being very proud of your ability to lie or pretend is very Snake to me.
In middle school, my learning disability really began to show and I started having anxiety and possibly PTSD after 9/11. (I’m from NY). That’s when the Bird model kicked in.
As it does.
People at my new school didn’t get my humor and took my trolling literally and it was really uncomfortable. Honestly middle school sucked and most of what I remember is just snobby, awful social stuff.
I’m definitely getting Lion secondary here. You are YOU, it’s very important that you be you, and the problem is that other people don’t get you. Snake secondaries aren’t so binary.
Oh I did manage to get a teammate’s cell phone number and pranked them. And I hacked into someone’s AIM account. And one time I got in a fist fight with someone on a different team of mine and then we were best friends. Which is weird, looking back.
awww Lion secondaries making friends :D
High school was really hard because I had a really hard time with the schoolwork (learning disability was still undiagnosed) and with finding good friends. I got in trouble a few times for offending people by repeating things I didn’t know were offensive, I dressed up as someone kinda controversial for Halloween which is honestly still one of the highlights of my high school experience. I tricked this creepy guy who wouldn’t leave me alone and embarrassed him in front of the whole school. But wouldn’t ever insult someone to their face on purpose unless I completely lost my temper.
Obviously you can have a hot temper and not be a Lion secondary… but I’m already skewing in that direction, and everything you’re saying here is supporting it. Kind of getting a kick out of offending people (or making them uncomfortable) is VERY Lion secondary.
I joined the Political Union club and didn’t really debate because I’m terrible at it.
Lion secondaries tend to be pretty bad at formal debate. That’s more a built secondary thing. Great at giving speeches, though :)
I just watched everyone argue and trolled people. I remember one meeting, people started throwing books at each other and it was amazing. That “agent of chaos” answer on the quiz is me haha.
The “agent of chaos” answer is the Lion secondary answer.
I knew the perfect way to get this one teacher to go off on a tangent about the Soviet Union for the entire lesson. I couldn’t keep up with the schoolwork so I’d BS a lot of it and manage to get by. Participation was key to your grade so I’d read just enough to discuss parts of it and then just make throwaway funny comments and ask good questions to beef up my contributions.
I’d say that gaming the system in this particular way (which I completely support) actually sounds like you Bird secondary model. Which makes sense, if the *purpose* of that model is to help you out in an academic setting.
I think I burned after a traumatic event at the end of my senior year. I started modeling Badger secondary hard. Basically just be sweet and helpful and everything will be fine, right? When that did not, in fact, make everything be fine, I pulled out the manipulation to make damn sure people were on my side.
I’m interested in what you mean by “manipulation.” Because while that’s normally a Snake secondary word, I’m not getting Snake Secondary from you. I suspect you may actually parse your Bird secondary as “manipulation,” which is sort of unusual.
I did still troll sometimes, but I haven’t felt playful and fun in so long. I’ve been really depressed over the last few years about some serious medical problems that can’t really be resolved. I just feel flat like a car stuck in park.
Oh ouch. Yeah, that’s a burnt secondary all right.
I’m scared of failing. I’m scared people won’t like me or that I’ll get in trouble. I don’t have the energy to lie convincingly or put on a show but I also don’t feel safe enough to be blunt. I’m reluctantly forcing myself to be diplomatic while screaming inside.
This is portrait of a Burnt Lion secondary. You’re afraid of failing, but failing is necessary and important to Lions. It’s how they change direction. “Being yourself” had gotten you into trouble and made some people not like you, so you’re scared about going there again. You want to be blunt, but it’s too scary. Instead you’re being diplomatic and putting on a show, both things you define as “lying” (very Lion secondary) but it’s incredibly energy consuming.
I don’t know how to go back to how I was. (I am trying to find a good therapist but it’s hard to find one who specializes in all the things I need, not to mention a good fit personality-wise). When I’m not Like This, I can be really charming. I miss it. 
Well, a therapist is the first step. I guess my tiny little piece of advice in the meantime, is find a place in your life where you *can* use your lion again. Make that place as tiny and as low-stakes as you need to. Maybe you have an anonymous blog where you shit-post. Maybe you bring out your Lion for just one person. Maybe go to a weekend convention - if it’s three days with people you never see again, who cares if you get in trouble or offend something. Check out the SHC discord server, and see if any of the other burnt Lionsecs have tips. I know Lions are very all-or-nothing, but I’m a Badger. Baby steps are steps.
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jtrbluv · 4 years ago
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(!) fic alert (!)
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HELL-ISH | PJM
releasing on WEDNESDAY, NOV 18 @ 7PM PST !
summary: can be read as a separate oneshot or a continuation of ‘we’re not really strangers’
“But do you remember when we went on a field trip to that amusement park in 8th grade? Around halloween time? ... Yeah, I think that’s the moment I pretty much fell in love with you “
pairing: jimin x reader
genre: fluff, humor, establishedrelationship!au
word count: 7-8k
warnings:a lot of swearing, inaccurate depictions of amusement park shenanigans, making out when you’re like 200 feet up in the air (i do not condone whatsoever)  D:
A/N: what is this?? a late halloween fic yawp,, i wasn’t even planning on releasing it anymore but since i was so far in i was like i mine as well HAHA. here’s a short lil teaser ;D
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 “So, where do you wanna go first?” He asks, swinging your arm back and forth after passing through the gates.
“I’m fine with whatever,” you enunciate a bit loudly, the usual noises of amusement park shenanigans hindering your hearing.
“You sure about that?”
You click your tongue, “Jimin please, I’m a college student now, not a puny 8th grader anymore,” you argue, watching him turn away as he tries to stifle his laughter, “I swear!”
“Alright! Alright! I’ll believe you,” he eventually caves, frantically waving his hand to dismiss your concerns, “But I won’t believe you until I see it.”
“Oh, so we’re gonna play that game huh,” you retort, brows furrowing as a smirk creeps across your face, “Alright, so what do you think about riding that?” You ask innocently, motioning up towards the drop tower that forced one to crane their neck all the way back just to see the top.
You break your focus as you look back down and turn towards him to gauge his reaction. His jaw dropping down to his knees—eyes widened in complete bafflement and horror.
“Y/N. I am literally going to fucking die if I ride that shit. Oh my god.”
“What do you mean? It’s totally safe! I’ve been on it so many times.” You attempt to console him, knowing it’s futile because of the piercing glare he gives you right after you say that.
“And that’s supposed to make it better how?!"
You soothingly rub the back of his hand in an attempt to ease his nerves, “Of course I won’t push you if you don’t want to, you know.”
He sighs, “Well, now you’re just making me sound like a puny 8th grader.”
“I can assure you that you very much, are not Chim.” And he smirks at that, tightening his grip on your hand, making you wish that you didn't give him that ego boost in the first place because he surely didn’t need any more of that.
-
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softboyscully · 4 years ago
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Public School Stuff I Wanted to Share
public school is both beautiful and horrifying am i right
so ill just go by the grades i guess
Kindergarten, first year
i did kindergartden at a catholic school in a relativly big city so this one’s got some shit
we went to church every wednesday, me and best friend (lost track of her when we moved, wish we’d stayed in touch, she was awesome) would giggle the whole time, pretty sure we made fun of jesus once, can’t remember why, possibly the hair
i had the nicest teacher, she was (as i remember her) young, blonde, and super sweet, that was the first and last year i ever had naptime
SPEAKING of naptime
i never slept during it
once i found what i remember being a nut of some sort on the ground, probably came off someone’s shoe
i grab it, turn to sarah (my best friend), say something about putting it up my nose
sarah, apparently having common sense, says, “no dont do it!! we’re supposed to be sleeping!!”
i put it up my fucking nose
try to get it out, just push it farther in
im crying a little bit now, that shit hurts
go up to my teacher
“you’re supposed to be asleep!”
“i have a nut up my nose and it wont come out”
teacher tries to get it out, but it wont budge
just. sends me back to my mat
that was it
the art room was tiny
like re-purposed broom closet tiny
there was a copy of the mona lisa in the hallway, someone had drawn ray bans on it with a pencil, never got replaced
there was a creepy-ass basement i went down to after school, we ate cheeseballs and sandwiches with some kind of meat, mayo, and that kinda yellow bread
someone broke his leg down there once, think an older kid threw him at the ceiling or something
we learned how to play Silver Bells with actual bells in music class
Kindergarten, second year
i remember these two teachers as the evil step sister-type look, but it might be my little kid imagination
but seriously they were horrible
we learned stuff in a room that was more middle-school styled, except everything was green or black and it was v dark
me and sarah attained a new friend, john
honestly i think we would’ve stayed friends for a while if i didnt move away
i have two vivid memories
one is of me really wanting to go home, so i walked by the teacher’s desk and did a fake sneeze
they laughed at me and told me to go sit back down
the other is  john leaning his chair back and then falling, so me and sarah went to help him back up
it was funny, so he did it again
and again
me and sarah were laughing, had the time of our lives
after the maybe fifth time the teachers said “john can get back up by himself. sit down and stay there.”
one of the reasons we moved was bc i got sent a letter from my fourth grade buddie
most of the words weren’t spelled correctly, many letters were backwards
my mother was horrified
ofc now we know it was probably a learning disability 
1st grade
this is when i moved
beginning of school i was ASTOUNDED we didnt have uniforms, one of the best things ever to happen to me
nothing wrong with this teacher, she was cool
thing is i was a little shit
told everyone my dogs died (they did but i was maybe three when it happened, i remember it not)
all my personal narratives were bullshit (only one sticks in my memory, wrote it about celebrating christmas AND hanukkah with my dad’s friends who were jewish, i have never even met those friends)
had a crush on this kid, best friend (she was terrible and helped wreck me emotionally) told me to kiss him in music class. me being a stupid ass bitch, i did it, aND HE GOES TO THE TEACHER AND CALLS ME OUT. at the end of class she gets both of us to stay for a bit, AND I DENYIED EVERYTHING. i walked across the fucking classroom, kissed him on the cheek, ran away giggling, told my teacher i didn’t do anything, AND GOT AWAY WITH IT. i’ve embarrassed myself further with this child but thats another story
2nd grade
i loved this teacher but honestly he was absolute shit
like. all he did was play the guitar and sing with us
never actually taught us stuff???
middle of the year, my mom goes in for a parent-teacher conference, he tells her i dont pay attention is math.
“what do you mean?”
“she doesn’t listen, she just takes out a book and starts reading.”
“........have you.... tried taking the book away?”
“sure, i could try that.”
“o....kay”
he also told her i’d be a girl who’d grow up to love spellcheck (which i do lmao)
like ???? why not just??? teach me to spell????
there was this one dude who one day showed up, gave me a pink stuffed cat, and then asked me where i lived
funniest thing was he lived on the same street as me
something that is vivid in my memory is showing up to class one day and realizing that i was wearing my regular clothes over my pajamas
also we had fish
every day someone else was in charge of feeding them
one of the times it was my job, i grab the fish food and walk over to the tank only to find all of the fish floating on the top
i screamed “THE FISH CAN FLY?!?!?!?!?!”
everyone ran over, all of us scarred for life when Mr. G walks over and goes in the most normal voice ever “no theyre dead”
we held a funeral
the cause of death is still undetermined
3rd grade
this year just draws a blank for me
all i know is that whoever the teacher was, they neglected to teach me how to tell time from a clock
also we learned the Cotten Eyed Joe dance in gym around here
4th grade
i had two teachers this year
one was the same one from 1st grade, the other one was a total bitch
made a girl named hannah ball her eyes out once, never apologized
i was (and am) and avid reader, so my reading skills were high above average
instead of being proud of me she told me i was weird, not normal, and too smart for a 4th grader, so i MUST be cheating. 
she was the start of a lot of self confidence issues for me ngl
this was around the time i went and got tested for ADHD (me and my grandmother almost broke down on the highway but thats another story), Mrs. M (the nice one) was super supportive when i told her why i was leaving early but Ms. S (bitch) told me ADHD wasn’t real and i just wanted to be special for once
she sucked, Ms. S
5th grade
this is getting super long so this’ll be the last one i do
but my teacher..... Mr. F was A+++++
he legitimately taught me math
we had i guess like,,, a buddie class we switched with sometimes
the teacher of that class was Mrs. R, who had crazy red hair and many freckles
at one point she referenced a meme and my entire class started screaming
also there was another Mrs. S (to differentiate this one will be called Mrs. Su)
she was kind of crazy
she was the astronomy teacher and she told us many times that the moon landing was faked
once she handed out sunscreen and had everyone put it on their whole body (this was in december, fyi)
Mr. F also hosted an ‘archeological dig’ which sounds cool but in reality he had a bunch of arcade prizes from his childhood buried in little flower pots we dug into with plastic spoons
also heres some stuff i cants pinpoint the time of/happened in multiple grades:
someone held a who-can-scream-the-most-like-a-goat contest
a guy named Makenzie won
remember we planned it while the teacher left the classroom so the teacher walks back in and one by one everyone in the room starts screaming, there was some applause, a few kids got a standing ovation
we cleaned out our desks in the middle of the year, i found 3 socks and a dog treat in mine
like how the fuck did any of those things get there
and where’s the fourth sock
b o t t l e f l i p p i n g
but no seriously there were at least five water bottles stuck in the ceiling in the cafeteria
my sorta friend charlie was obsessed with paper airplanes
one time he might’ve broken the world record for longest time in the air but he was counting in his head and it was at recess so there was no video
four square and gaga ball would be played no matter the setting, time, or conditions and it was super competitive
like if you could get to king in four square you got the everlasting respect of everyone
and everyone was super educated on four square special rules, special plays, that kinda shit
no but guys i grew up with bus stop, candy store, haunted house on mondays, haunted mansion on fridays, zombies was fair game unless it was Zach, Ryan, Chrissy or Vee
me and one other guy named andrew were the only known pjo fans, had the time of our LIVES making refrences
“HEY ANDREW IM NOBODY”
“I HAVE WAITED YEARS FOR YOU, NOBODY, COME HERE AND FACE YOUR DEATH”
“hey annabeth, i thought you looked like a princess when i first saw you. i printed out a picture you sent me casually and kept it with me. i snuck along on a quest so i could save you, endangering myself immensely. i held the sky for you. when you talk about your crush on luke, i get jealous. beckendorf understood, but hes dead.”
“ikr we’re literally the best of friends”
“RIGHT”  
also the first time we finished mark of athena we were in the same classroom and we individually dropped the book, stood up, looked at each other, and screamed “WELL FUCK YOU TOO RICK RIORDAN”
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magnetictapedatastorage · 4 years ago
Link
I’ve started keeping a list of questions, remnants of a past life that I now need a beat or two to remember, if I can remember at all: What time do parties end? How tall is my boss? What does a bar smell like? Are babies heavy? Does my dentist have a mustache? On what street was the good sandwich place near work, the one that toasted its bread? How much does a movie popcorn cost? What do people talk about when they don’t have a global disaster to talk about all the time? You have to wear high heels the whole night? It’s more baffling than distressing, most of the time.
Full text of the (excellent) article is under the cut. (The Atlantic, March 8th, 2021)
I first became aware that I was losing my mind in late December. It was a Friday night, the start of my 40-somethingth pandemic weekend: Hours and hours with no work to distract me, and outside temperatures prohibitive of anything other than staying in. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to fill the time. “What did I used to … do on weekends?” I asked my boyfriend, like a soap-opera amnesiac. He couldn’t really remember either.
Since then, I can’t stop noticing all the things I’m forgetting. Sometimes I grasp at a word or a name. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and find myself bewildered as to why I am there. (At one point during the writing of this article, I absentmindedly cleaned my glasses with nail-polish remover.) Other times, the forgetting feels like someone is taking a chisel to the bedrock of my brain, prying everything loose. I’ve started keeping a list of questions, remnants of a past life that I now need a beat or two to remember, if I can remember at all: What time do parties end? How tall is my boss? What does a bar smell like? Are babies heavy? Does my dentist have a mustache? On what street was the good sandwich place near work, the one that toasted its bread? How much does a movie popcorn cost? What do people talk about when they don’t have a global disaster to talk about all the time? You have to wear high heels the whole night? It’s more baffling than distressing, most of the time.
RECOMMENDED READING
There’s No Real Reason to Eat 3 Meals a DayAMANDA MULL
The Pandemic’s Future Hangs in SuspenseTHE COVID TRACKING PROJECT
A Quite Possibly Wonderful SummerJAMES HAMBLIN
Everywhere I turn, the fog of forgetting has crept in. A friend of mine recently confessed that the morning routine he’d comfortably maintained for a decade—wake up before 7, shower, dress, get on the subway—now feels unimaginable on a literal level: He cannot put himself back there. Another has forgotten how to tie a tie. A co-worker isn’t sure her toddler remembers what it’s like to go shopping in a store. The comedian Kylie Brakeman made a joke video of herself attempting to recall pre-pandemic life, the mania flashing across her face: “You know what I miss, is, like, those night restaurants that served alcohol. What were those called?” she asks. “And there were those, like, big men outside who would check your credit card to make sure you were 41?”
Read: Sedentary pandemic life is bad for our happiness
Jen George, a community-college teacher from Cape Elizabeth, Maine, told me she is losing her train of thought in the middle of a sentence more and more often. Meanwhile, her third grader, who is attending in-person school, keeps leaving his books, papers, and lunch at home. Inny Ekeolu, a 19-year-old student from Ireland, says she has found herself forgetting how to do things she used to do on a regular basis: swiping her bus pass, paying for groceries. Recently she came across a photo of a close friend she hadn’t seen since lockdown and found that she couldn’t recognize her. “It wasn’t like I had forgotten her existence,” she told me. “But if I had bypassed her on the street, I wouldn’t have said hi.” Rachel Kowert, a research psychologist in Ottawa, used to have a standing Friday-night dinner with her neighbors—and went completely blank when one of them recently mentioned it. “It was really shocking,” Kowert told me. “This was something I really loved, and had done for a long time, and I had totally forgotten.”
This is the fog of late pandemic, and it is brutal. In the spring, we joked about the Before Times, but they were still within reach, easily accessible in our shorter-term memories. In the summer and fall, with restrictions loosening and temperatures rising, we were able to replicate some of what life used to be like, at least in an adulterated form: outdoor drinks, a day at the beach. But now, in the cold, dark, featureless middle of our pandemic winter, we can neither remember what life was like before nor imagine what it’ll be like after.
To some degree, this is a natural adaptation. The sunniest optimist would point out that all this forgetting is evidence of the resilience of our species. Humans forget a great deal of what happens to us, and we tend to do it pretty quickly—after the first 24 hours or so. “Our brains are very good at learning different things and forgetting the things that are not a priority,” Tina Franklin, a neuroscientist at Georgia Tech, told me. As the pandemic has taught us new habits and made old ones obsolete, our brains have essentially put actions like taking the bus and going to restaurants in deep storage, and placed social distancing and coughing into our elbows near the front of the closet. When our habits change back, presumably so will our recall.
That’s the good news. The pandemic is still too young to have yielded rigorous, peer-reviewed studies about its effects on cognitive function. But the brain scientists I spoke with told me they can extrapolate based on earlier work about trauma, boredom, stress, and inactivity, all of which do a host of very bad things to a mammal’s brain.
“We’re all walking around with some mild cognitive impairment,” said Mike Yassa, a neuroscientist at UC Irvine. “Based on everything we know about the brain, two of the things that are really good for it are physical activity and novelty. A thing that’s very bad for it is chronic and perpetual stress.” Living through a pandemic—even for those who are doing so in relative comfort—“is exposing people to microdoses of unpredictable stress all the time,” said Franklin, whose research has shown that stress changes the brain regions that control executive function, learning, and memory.
That stress doesn’t necessarily feel like a panic attack or a bender or a sleepless night, though of course it can. Sometimes it feels like nothing at all. “It’s like a heaviness, like you’re waking up to more of the same, and it’s never going to change,” George told me, when I asked what her pandemic anxiety felt like. “Like wading through something thicker than water. Maybe a tar pit.” She misses the sound of voices.
Prolonged boredom is, somewhat paradoxically, hugely stressful, Franklin said. Our brains hate it. “What’s very clear in the literature is that environmental enrichment—being outside of your home, bumping into people, commuting, all of these changes that we are collectively being deprived of—is very associated with synaptic plasticity,” the brain’s inherent ability to generate new connections and learn new things, she said. In the 1960s, the neuroscientist Marian Diamond conducted a series of experiments on rats in an attempt to understand how environment affects cognitive function. Time after time, the rats raised in “enriched” cages—ones with toys and playmates—performed better at mazes.
Ultimately, said Natasha Rajah, a psychology professor at McGill University, in Montreal, our winter of forgetting may be attributable to any number of overlapping factors. “There’s just so much going on: It could be the stress, it could be the grief, it could be the boredom, it could be depression,” she said. “It sounds pretty grim, doesn’t it?”
The share of Americans reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or both roughly quadrupled from June 2019 to December 2020, according to a Census Bureau study released late last year. What’s more, we simply don’t know the long-term effects of collective, sustained grief. Longitudinal studies of survivors of Chernobyl, 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina show elevated rates of mental-health problems, in some cases lasting for more than a decade.
I have a job that allows me to work from home, an immune system and a set of neurotransmitters that tend to function pretty well, a support network, a savings account, decent Wi-Fi, plenty of hand sanitizer. I have experienced the pandemic from a position of obscene privilege, and on any given day I’d rank my mental health somewhere north of “fine.” And yet I feel like I have spent the past year being pushed through a pasta extruder. I wake up groggy and spend every day moving from the couch to the dining-room table to the bed and back. At some point night falls, and at some point after that I close work-related browser windows and open leisure-related ones. I miss my little rat friends, but I am usually too tired to call them.
Read: The most likely timeline for life to return to normal
Sometimes I imagine myself as a Sim, a diamond-shaped cursor hovering above my head as I go about my day. Tasks appear, and I do them. Mealtimes come, and I eat. Needs arise, and I meet them. I have a finite suite of moods, a limited number of possible activities, a set of strings being pulled from far offscreen. Everything is two-dimensional, fake, uncanny. My world is as big as my apartment, which is not very big at all.
“We’re trapped in our dollhouses,” said Kowert, the psychologist from Ottawa, who studies video games. “It’s just about surviving, not thriving. No one is working at their highest capacity.” She has played The Sims on and off for years, but she always gives up after a while—it’s too repetitive.
Earlier versions of The Sims had an autonomous memory function, according to Marina DelGreco, a staff writer for Game Rant. But in The Sims 3, the system was buggy; it bloated file sizes and caused players’ saved progress to delete. So The Sims 4, released in 2014, does not automatically create memories. PC users can manually enter them, and Sims can temporarily feel feelings: happy, tense, flirty. But for the most part, a Sim is a hollow vessel, more like a machine than a living thing.
The game itself doesn’t have a term for this, but the internet does: “smooth brain,” or sometimes “head empty,” which I first started noticing sometime last summer. Today, the TikTok user @smoothbrainb1tch has nearly 100,000 followers, and stoners on Twitter are marveling at the fact that their “silky smooth brain” was once capable of calculus.
This is, to be clear, meant to be an aspirational state. It’s the step after galaxy brain, because the only thing better than being a genius in a pandemic is being intellectually unencumbered by mass grief. People are celebrating “smooth brain Saturday” and chasing the ideal summer vibe: “smooth skin, smooth brain.” One frequently reposted meme shows a photograph of a glossy, raw chicken breast, with the caption “Cant think=no sad .” This is juxtaposed against a biology-textbook picture of a healthy brain, which is wrinkled, oddly translucent, and the color of canned tuna. The choice seems obvious.
Some Saturday not too long from now, I will go to a party or a bar or even a wedding. Maybe I’ll hold a baby, and maybe it will be heavy. Inevitably, I will kick my shoes off at some point. I won’t have to wonder about what I do on weekends, because I’ll be doing it. I’ll kiss my friends and try their drinks and marvel at how everyone is still the same, but a little different, after the year we all had. My brain won’t be smooth anymore, but being wrinkly won’t feel so bad. My synapses will be made plastic by the complicated, strange, utterly novel experience of being alive again, human again. I can’t wait.
ELLEN CUSHING
is the special-projects editor at The Atlantic.
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sojourner-between-worlds · 3 years ago
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Why the Idea of Disabled Jesus is Heretical
(Or, at best, a gross misinterpretation of Scripture. But really, it's heresy.)
@aspiringautistic asked on this post from my side blog: "what would be so harmful if there were people who perceived jesus as disabled?" and I am happy to oblige in expanding on those thoughts (though since the answer has little to do with autism and everything to do with Christianity in general, I thought it more appropriate to answer here on main). In case you hadn't prior seen the linked post and don't feel like clicking through, the short of it is this: the Gospel Coalition recently published an article in which the author, Andrew Abernethy, argued that Jesus was disabled. I'm here to tell you where he went wrong.
Hold on to your hats, folks. This is a long post.
(All Scripture quotations taken from the ESV translation.)
1. Disabilities are a result of the Fall. Before I get into anything else, I need to make this point abundantly clear. While being disabled does not dictate worth and it is not an indication of personal sin, it is still not how we are meant to be. Adam and Eve were created in the likeness of God, and were, therefore, created without sin or any of the things that came with sin. They were perfect -- at least until they disobeyed (Genesis 2-3). Sometimes people ask "if there is a God, why do bad things happen?" and the answer is because we live in a sin-cursed world. Disabilities, illness, and death itself exist because Adam and Eve sinned. (Romans 5:12: "Therefore, just as sin came into the world through one man, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sinned.")
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2. Old Testament laws regarding sacrifices. The Old Testament Law is very specific when talking about what makes an acceptable sacrifice. There are a lot of different types (everything from bulls to grain), but the relevant ones to this discussion are sacrifices made for the atonement of sins. 
There are two categories of sacrifices made for sin: sin offerings made for unintentional sins, and burnt offerings made for sin in general. Burnt offerings and sin offerings both ranged from bulls to doves (or flour for the latter, if nothing else could be afforded) and sin offerings varied depending on both the person and the sin as well (Leviticus 1, 4-5). But all of the animals sacrificed had two instructions about them in common: that they be "without blemish", and that the sinner must place their hand on the head of the animal. The difference between the two was that a sin offering was required as an act of repentance and a burnt offering was voluntary. In the case of burnt offerings, the requirements for bulls and sheep or goats are laid out very plainly: "a male without blemish" (1:3, 10). 
In addition to all of this, once a year, on the Day of Atonement, one bull and two male goats would be sacrificed for the people to remove their sins (Leviticus 16; only one goat was killed; the other was sent away, symbolizing the removal of sin). Again, these animals had to be without blemish, just as all the others. The person offering the sacrifice was to place their hand on the head of the animal. The action of placing their hand was symbolic: it was a way of showing that the person's sin was being "transferred" to the animal so that the animal could take the person's place and receive the punishment for sin instead. "Without blemish" meant that it couldn't be sickly or diseased or crippled in any way. It had to be as close to perfect as was possible in a sin-cursed world because anything less than perfect had to die for its own imperfections. 
Because these sacrifices could never be truly perfect, they had to be repeated, but all of this was pointing to the time when Jesus would come as the final sacrifice made for the sins of the world.
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3. Jesus as the final sacrifice. If you know anything about the Christian faith, you know that this is at the heart of everything we believe. Without Jesus, there is no gospel. So here's why that matters to this discussion: 
"But when Christ appeared as a high priest of the good things that have come, then through the greater and more perfect tent (not made with hands, that is, not of this creation) he entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by the means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctify for the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to serve the living God" (Hebrews 9:11-14, emphasis mine). 
This passage in Hebrews (as well as verses preceding and following) are all about how Christ made atonement for us with His death, and how His voluntary sacrifice of Himself is superior to the OT sacrifices. 
So allow me to direct your attention to the bolded phrase above: “offered himself without blemish”. If this sounds familiar, it should, since I talked extensively about this in the point above. “Without blemish” in Leviticus meant to be not crippled or disfigured or ill in any way. If this same phrase is also applied to Christ, then the same must be true. If the OT sacrifices were required to be so, why would the same not apply to the Final Sacrifice that ended the need for sacrifices to be made? It wouldn’t make sense. It doesn’t make sense. Not when the OT sacrifices were pointing towards Jesus; not when we have a God Who created order and purpose. Jesus had to be perfect to take our places -- and that includes being free of deformities that are a result of a sin-cursed world.
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4. Isaiah 53, misinterpreted at best. This was one of Mr Abernethy’s main points, and it’s one he got disastrously wrong by reading what he wanted into Scripture (eisegesis) rather than letting Scripture say what it says (exegesis). See, the thing about interpreting prophecy is that you have to be careful how you do it, and, just like all Scripture, make sure it’s within the proper context. 
In the case of this chapter of Isaiah, the wider context is that it’s a prediction of Jesus’ suffering on earth and His death. One of the verses he tries to pass off about Jesus being ugly or deformed is the second part of verse 3: “and as one from whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not.” The problem is, this verse and one directly after it are not about his physical appearance at all. They are about emotions and grief: “He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one whom men hide their faces, he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteem him stricken, smitten by God and afflicted” (vs. 3-4, emphasis mine). This is about Him bearing our burdens and our rejection of Him anyway. This is a parallel that continues as the chapter moves forward. 
There is only one physical description in this passage that is not related to His death, and it’s the second part of verse 2: “he had no form or majesty that we should look at him, and no beauty that we should desire him.” And this is the only point that Mr Abernethy got correct: Jesus wasn’t the Hollywood definition of drop-dead gorgeous. He looked like your average Joe. In order to not be conventionally beautiful/handsome, that does not dictate that a person must be deformed or “ugly” in any way. The only thing this verse means is that he didn’t stand out from the crowd with His looks. He didn’t look the way they thought their Savior should. That’s it. That’s all it means.
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5. Tradition isn't truth (no matter how much anyone wants it to be). I have to admit, adding in a section about a so-called “tradition” that’s nigh on impossible to find anything about was brilliant. The average person wouldn’t even bother looking in the first place, and most people who would look, would give up after five or ten minutes of searching. I spent an hour and found exactly nothing on this “tradition” of Jesus being a leper. So you just... have to take Abernethy’s word for it. 
Aside from not being able to find anything on it myself, the argument he uses is faulty anyway. Because tradition doesn’t equal truth, in the first place, especially a tradition that didn’t pop up until the 16th century. There’s no basis for something that apparently wasn’t known until 1400 years after His death. 
Aside from that, he calls on Jerome’s Latin translation of Isaiah 53:4 that translates a phrase as “he was like a leper.” First of all, “like a leper” does not mean He actually was a leper. C’mon, man. Any fifth grader in America could tell you that similes are used for comparisons and aren’t literal. 
Second of all, if you’d like to make a point, it’s a much better idea to go back to the Hebrew manuscripts rather than to any one translation. Now, I don’t know Hebrew myself, but I do have access to a little thing called the Internet, where you can find a plethora of commentaries from people who do know Hebrew. For this particular problem, I went to Albert Barne’s Notes on the Whole Bible. I’m not going to put his whole notes here (because there’s a lot), but if you’d like to read all of his notes, you can search the verse on studylight.org and use the ‘jump to’ feature under the verse to find him, but the bottom line of his notes on it are this: Jesus wasn’t literally being rightfully punished like the Jews would incorrectly think; leprosy was used here as an example because it was seen as a divine punishment for sin. It has nothing to do with literal leprosy at all. 
And to top off this cake of incorrectness... well, has he even read the New Testament? If Jesus had had leprosy, He: a. wouldn’t have been allowed in temples or synagogues, b. wouldn’t have been allowed in towns period, and c. wouldn’t have been nailed to a cross because no one would have risked touching Him in order to do so. Abernethy shouldn’t have even brought this up in his argument, it’s so far off base, and no artist in the 16th century should have painted a painting of a leprous Jesus nailed to the cross because, quite simply, it never would have happened.
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6. Jesus relates to us -- but not in the ways Mr Abernethy says. While he never cites any Scripture on this, I’m pretty sure I know where this idea came from. In his article, he states that in order for Jesus to have related to the disabled, He had to be disabled Himself. Since He relates to us, then He must have been disabled. 
First of all, the logical fallacy of this statement is this: if He must be disabled to relate to the disabled, then can the abled still relate to Him? The answer to that, of course, would be no, because if He wasn’t abled then He can’t relate to the abled in the same way that Abernethy asserts that He can’t relate to the disabled without being disabled. It’s one of those things where you can’t have it both ways. Another example of how this logic falls short is pregnancy. Can Jesus not relate to pregnant people because He Himself was never in such a state? And the rabbit hole just gets deeper from there: Can He relate specifically to the blind when He was never blind? How about the deaf or hard of hearing? Or people missing limbs, either from birth or through amputation? All disabilities are different, and experiencing one doesn’t mean you understand them all, so by Abernethy’s logic, Jesus had to experience all of them. Do you see how ridiculous Abernethy’s logic here is yet? 
Second of all, Abernethy is, once again, taking Scripture entirely out of context -- if, indeed, he got this idea from Scripture at all. Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” The problem with trying to use this verse as proof is, obviously, that it’s talking about temptations (Matthew 4:1-11), not lived experiences. If he was, again, referencing Isaiah 53 -- well, that doesn’t work either, because, again, that is in reference to His death and the sins He bore for us on the cross. The fact of the matter is, there are no Scriptures to back up the idea that He had to personally experience everything we do in order for Him to understand our pain and suffering. 
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The source of this heresy is the same as many heresies, actually: People want to make Jesus into something He's not. I listened to a podcast recently where the host was talking about a couple of heretics, and while I don't remember the heretic's name, he said that to him, Jesus was Latinx because he himself is Latinx. Except that, ya know, Jesus was a Middle-Eastern Jew. It's the same fallacy to say that Jesus was disabled. Everyone wants Jesus -- and God, for that matter -- to be something He's not, rather than for Him to be what Scripture tells us He is, but you can't force God into the box you've carved for Him. He is who He is, no matter how much you want Him to be something different.
There's no getting around it: to make Him out to be anything other than what Scripture tells us He is -- especially when it contradicts Scripture, is heresy.
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