#LIKE I SAID today is Bad
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#whoooooooo today is a Bad day#first full day at the office and 1) I forgot how to socialise#but 2) I am soooo not okay yet my whole entire body is working very hard to heal my wound and it shows#because I worked half days last week but from#home and that was fine#but this week it’s full days and back at the office and I really am Not ready#felt like crying at 3.30 and didn’t even know why until I realised I’d been there too long#also everything is So Much holy fuck#all my health trajectories force me to look at my body image and my weight and my life style a lot and it’s uh ……..#not good I instantly feel 15 again but worse because I know 15 y/o me would be so disappointed in current me in these areas#also I HAAAAATEEEEEEE feeling disposable so much#and hate feeling helpless and out of control#wow amber shocker we didn’t know this about you! I know <3#also the world fucking sucks and literally everything is terrifying#or disappointing#ACK#LIKE I SAID today is Bad#Saturday was bad too but then Sunday was so good for the soul and I instantly felt human again but it just goes up and down so much#I’m so tired so so tired I need a hug
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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if i said i picked up this issue for anything but drunk erik i fear i'd be lying
(Wolverine (2020) #3)
#xmen#xmen comics#krakoa#magneto#ok fine logan can get a tag too. this IS his story after all ja/lkLAJVEAVKLJ#wolverine#snap scans#i should read the rest of this run but its like 47 issues i think so. gonna take some time with that#spliced up the panels so its easier to look at everything. and so i can frame drunk passed out erik on my wall#someone uploaded some of the first page some time ago but 1.) i forgot to rb it 2.) it didnt include the rest of the scene#it ESP didnt include erik fallin face first on the table and his lil sleepin face on the next page like please im gettin cuteness aggressio#im so miffed that these are printed on the same page cause i woulda framed this spread otherwise like PLEASE#this shit got me GIGGLING SO BAD i cant. 'dare i say it .......' he's so unnecessary i love him so much#he's so silly ..... also someone said it best in that whenever erik's drawn like a bug it's the best thing#like look at him. that's a beetle. that's my little beetle and i love him i need to put him in a terrarium and watch him#honestly theres a LOT of things i have scanned and wanna share however i have to do it. Reasonably so to speak#in that i dont want to accidentally drown out all my doodling with comic scans jvEALKVJEAKL#maybe i'll do it sandwich style ... art -> scan -> art -> scan etc etc#that does remind me i have a doodle i wanted to do today. so maybe ill do that and share another thing i got scanned ....#unfortunately i do very much love reading the comics. a troublesome thing cause theres so much i wanna share and talk about#like from this issue too i love how hank describes what charles' mutation feels like#its not a grand thing but i love it whenever charles' telepathy is described and how it effects him physiologically#maybe hank was just Theorizing what it feels like but still ... i love that insight so much .....#i'll share that quote another time- i prob won't scan the page cause it's just a text log but i will say it was from here dont worry#ok ive rambled long enough BYE im gonna go draw charles
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China and Taiwan sharing a joint bronze medal in horizontal bar is a hilarious unintentional unparalleled sports diplomacy moment 🤣😭
#ioc said one China 😭😭😭#paris 2024#Olympics#gymnastics#stadium announcer butchered both their names back to back so bad I’m tired#zhang boheng isn’t even a hard name but I heard it pronounced like 4 different times on comms today and not once was it right#also most Chinese athletes have one of the top ~10 most common Chinese surnames . so you could legit just learn the pronounciation of them#and you’d be in good stead#mispronouncing ‘Zhou’ is the most egregious to me like legit pronounce it ‘joe’ and I don’t think anyone would have a complaint#no one expects perfect tones but pls. phonetics#zh is j#you have 8 names to learn per final. it’s not hard#praga
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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happy bratz community is furious day
#mga dropped the ball big time#they released the first mean girls bratz doll today and bots got them all in under 2 mins#already up on ebay for $500+#i was in line and it said i had less than a minute wait. finally refreshed 4 mins later and she was gone#it's for the best 😔#I didn't need to spend that money like that#this is on the level of bad organization that monster high has been on and it feels intentional#bratz
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Omega: Focus on the bigger mission, Crosshair.
Crosshair:
#look look i know it’s been months but this idea came to me today and i just found it too fucking funny#like he kept telling hunter to look at the bigger picture then argued against omega’s plan and promptly stfu when she said that lol#has anyone done this before? meh it’s whatever#the bad batch#star wars#tbb season 3#tbb memes#tbb omega#tbb crosshair#crosshair and omega
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dragon age in general. why the fuck are you like that about the qunari and the qun.
#dragon age#what else do i even tag this with#im so anxious to see how the qunari + the qun are going to be portrayed in veilguard#and i Know its going to be bad. im just not sure how bad its going to be. others have said this before but im also#generally worried about how taash is going to be potrayed. dont really like how her romance is said to be the “spiciest” when the qunari#have been fetishized over and over again in previous media. esp in dai.#sorry today is the day for complaining it seems. but i wouldnt have to complain so much if bioware didnt make so much#racist sexist shit#bioware critical#i guess
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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zonked out on the dog bed snoring up a storm. you come over and rub the soft spot on the top of my nose. i let out the most contented sigh
#blllllaggggh busiest doggy everyday of my life and i am exhausted#ye beware of sadposting ahead. more like just need to get thoughts out of my headposting yk. im ok just tired#friend said to me today 'youre always doing something these days jasper when do you rest?'#and i was like huh good question! i dont hahaha. damn#which is not a bad thing always. but my plate is incredibly full and i have no one to help me#im in a really good place. things are happening that ive wanted to happen for years. but i have no time to take care of me#and the ppl who are supposed to take care of me dont. and they let me down everytime i try to ask for it. which im used to#but it doesnt make it any easier. theres just not enough hours in the day and not enough energy in my little doggy body#i used to be able to push myself past the wall of exhaustion. but after my therapy program ik i just can not do that anymore#im really proud of myself. being an adult is hard. im doing everything right. but i just wish i had someone by my side to help me#anyways.#i am a very good boy#yapping#if youre reading this hi im just venting im fine. its just been a long day and i want someone to give me a head massage#jasperbarks
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would LOVE to hear about vampire daniel and maxy w sweet little bite marks up his thighs and throat
babe I will try to keep my brain under control for 5 seconds and write this for you because i love you (part 1)
cw: blood drinking, explicit sexual content
Max is always beautiful in Daniel's eyes. He's beautiful when he's wearing his helmet and race suit, he's beautiful in sweaty fireproofs and disheveled hair, he's beautiful in his suit and silly bow tie. He's beautiful when he's sitting at the kitchen counter, early morning light hitting his naked shoulders, sleepy eyes focused on the phone in front of him.
But Daniel does have a favorite. His favorite is Max like this, spread out under him, flushed and pliant, the most gorgeous noises spilling from his red lips. Daniel's teeth marks blooming on his skin.
He noses along the fuzzy hair on Max's thigh, feeling the muscle jump under his tongue.
"Be still, Maxy, be a good boy," he murmurs, words rolling off his tongue like they have physical weight, spilling between his fangs.
He's not even hungry right now, but he can never resist the pull of Max's blood, singing sweetly just behind the thin protection of his milky skin.
Max moans when Daniel bites, hips jumping off the bed, desperately seeking friction against nothing, hands twisting in the sheet. When Daniel looks up towards his face he can see tears rolling down his flushed cheeks.
He pulls off after just a sip, licking the bite closed, watching a bruise form almost immediately, joining the one just a little above it.
So, so beautiful.
"Daniel..." it comes out as a slurred groan, one of Max's hands flopping over to grab at his shoulder. Daniel pauses, carefully listening to his heart, afraid for a second of having taken too much, but Max's heart sounds as strong as always, if not a little frantic with desperation, and Daniel smiles, unbothered by the trail of blood spilling from the corner of his mouth.
He moves to the other thigh, presses a kiss close enough to Max's groin to make him shudder, fingers pressing into the muscle.
"Come like this, baby."
Max moans again, dick jumping, a dribble of precome adding to the small puddle already forming on his stomach. Daniel always loves making him come untouched, but he knows Max will need a little more stimulation than that, so he puts a finger in his own mouth.
When he takes it out to press it against Max's hole, his saliva is tinged pink.
He keeps his eyes on Max when he bites. On his face, shiny with tears and drool, on his lax, red mouth, on the way his muscles jump, abs contracting with a punched out moan.
When he presses the finger inside, he sucks a little harder, knows Max will feel the difference, knows the bruise will be even bigger. Blood fills his mouth, sweet and rich, just as pearly ropes of cum hit Max's stomach and chest, Max's cry of pleasure everything Daniel can hear over the wild rhythm of Max's heart.
He eases off gently, afterwards, closing the bite and carefully taking his finger out of Max.
"Good boy," he whispers, one hand finding Max's, the other keeping him still as he laps at Max's cum, tongue working over his trembling muscles.
When he looks up, Max is smiling down at him, eyes glazed over, looking as sated as Daniel feels.
#i bargained 30 minutes of focus with my brain i hope this was worth it#i'm sorry im going full feral today i don't even know how good or bad this is#if there are typos no there aren't please i've had like 4 hours of sleep#maxiel#my writing#answered#i just realised you said 'sweet' bite marks so this might not be what you wanted whops#i can make it fluff if you'd like????#i need to be sedated#vampire daniel au
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i cannot overstate how much i adore the relationship bad has w the french gang
like, he may be family as pommé's dad, but he is also just their family. straight up. they all stick up for him so readily and hes a part of the team. bad and baghera are siblings. pierre took the waystones bc he was upset about how ppl were treating bad about the furniture disappearance. antoine may joke but he is on bbh's side every time i can remember. etoiles is the only one on the island that really understands how strong bad is and my god does he want to see it in action.
no matter what thats their bebou!!! it just really makes me
also i really fucking love the mental image of these fuckers rockin up to the island via planecrash and maybe one of them is human at most but they all see the literal grim reaper and go "ur nickname is now baby ^_^" and now he is forever their bebou
#qsmp#qbbh#idk what else to tag this#but like!!!!!!!! they GET him!!!!#just today etoiles said bad lost 7 eggs and hes right!! idk if anyone else understands it like that rn#no matter what i know etoiles got me let me fuckin tell you i love that guy#but N E wayz ive noticed more and more recently that bbh and the french are *the predator handshake* together#and i love that for them
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Would be superb if every day off I didn't become paralyzed with anxiety because there's nothing substantial to distract me from it. Would be really great if that didn't happen cause I still have stuff to actually do but its not as immediately pressing as my actual job.
#ugh#i genuinely miss being unemployed#at least then i had time to do stuff#now i have to deal with this and i have like no time for myswlf#cause the time i do have is spent having major anxiety and then the rest is spent exhausted by said anxiety#granted today is not as bad and could have been avoided#urgh
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Please, someone stop me from listening to Josh Groban, because otherwise I will end up DRAWING ANOTHER "MOTTIE AT BED" ARTWORK.
Like seriously, I cannot.
When I hear him sing "You have no idea" all I can hear is Mathias singing to Dorothea AND MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT.
IT'S EXPLODING WITH SOFT TENDERNESS.
(and I have become the joke of my own household, because my husband, loving Josh as much as I do, now DOES IT ON PURPOSE OF PUTTING HIM ON OUR SPEAKERS, especially when he sees that I am busy working on something not Mottie-related. He knows how my brain works. HE KNOWS IT. So if sometimes you see me derailing, IT'S MR. NEMO'S FAULT AS WELL).
#Nemo babbles#good gods today I need to get stuff done#and here I am#brain empty only Mathias thoughts lol#ok tbh Mottie thoughts#but gods#it's the fluff#the unconditional love#the type of love that is born from the soul#the one that is built on trust and respect#the one where you know that you are loved completly#flaws included#fml#FML#I honestly either go from obsessive toxic ships (Mephistea am look at you) to most wholesome. Like there is no in-between.#And if you wonder why I jump in between#it's partially because I am easily distracted#but also because I need to give my own brain some respite from the different kind of emotions that these things elicit in me#as I said often#I feel ALL that I write#And that is true for good and bad emotions alike#Mephistea is intense as a ship#like INTENSE LIKE FIRE#And Mottie instead is soft and gentle#so I need to balance out#otherwise I run the risk of burning out lolololl
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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babygorl
#hunnicutt more like hunnicute- ok that was a bad one#just because i said i had an idea doesnt mean it was a GOOD idea#oh shit i need to actually do real tags whoops#mash#mash 4077#m*a*s*h#mash fanart#mash art#mashblogging#mashblr#bj hunnicutt#there now the summoning spell is cast and people will be forced to look at this garbage nyeheheh#.silly drawings#decent art day today ig#i plan to do hawkeye in the Other one but not rn. for now i just enjoy what ive made#babygorl saga
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