#LIKE I SAID today is Bad
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#whoooooooo today is a Bad day#first full day at the office and 1) I forgot how to socialise#but 2) I am soooo not okay yet my whole entire body is working very hard to heal my wound and it shows#because I worked half days last week but from#home and that was fine#but this week it’s full days and back at the office and I really am Not ready#felt like crying at 3.30 and didn’t even know why until I realised I’d been there too long#also everything is So Much holy fuck#all my health trajectories force me to look at my body image and my weight and my life style a lot and it’s uh ……..#not good I instantly feel 15 again but worse because I know 15 y/o me would be so disappointed in current me in these areas#also I HAAAAATEEEEEEE feeling disposable so much#and hate feeling helpless and out of control#wow amber shocker we didn’t know this about you! I know <3#also the world fucking sucks and literally everything is terrifying#or disappointing#ACK#LIKE I SAID today is Bad#Saturday was bad too but then Sunday was so good for the soul and I instantly felt human again but it just goes up and down so much#I’m so tired so so tired I need a hug
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secret wars secret love you will ALWAYS be famous
bonus:
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#//draws eriks weird reindeer thing differently to make this pose work// vjELAKVJEALKJV#maybe ill stick to this but i kinda like the 'barricade' vibe of the other option but anyway#mom said its MY turn to reference the famous bridal carry panel#this was supposed to be a quick warm up but as i was lining things my hand started to tremble really bad#i dont know why ??????????????? thats never happened before and my hand's perfectly fine and normal now#like my hands tremble a little from time to time but nothing ever detrimental#the trembling i had today was ACTUALLY crazy bad. had me concerned but i was also able to still draw so not that bad ig#ANYWAYS. yeah <3 i wanted to reference tha panel we all love ......#i draw this mfer carrying his mfer so much i fear i cant be stopped. charles is a princess who needs to be princess carried#i usually draw it like. An Actual Block or whatever but its flatter ... so charles may rest his weary head ...#i did draw charles getting a handful. its what he deserves. its also what i deserve but i cant have that now can i#erik living my dream too tho ..... life is so unfair i wanna carry charles xavier and kiss his head this life SUCKS#slowly being able to feed my cherik fix again we're Semi back. once i finish my work for once THEN we'll be so fuckin back jWRKLJLAKF#ok thats all from me bye bye
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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China and Taiwan sharing a joint bronze medal in horizontal bar is a hilarious unintentional unparalleled sports diplomacy moment 🤣😭
#ioc said one China 😭😭😭#paris 2024#Olympics#gymnastics#stadium announcer butchered both their names back to back so bad I’m tired#zhang boheng isn’t even a hard name but I heard it pronounced like 4 different times on comms today and not once was it right#also most Chinese athletes have one of the top ~10 most common Chinese surnames . so you could legit just learn the pronounciation of them#and you’d be in good stead#mispronouncing ‘Zhou’ is the most egregious to me like legit pronounce it ‘joe’ and I don’t think anyone would have a complaint#no one expects perfect tones but pls. phonetics#zh is j#you have 8 names to learn per final. it’s not hard#praga
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A lil guy !
#honkai star rail#dan heng#genuinely have a million things i wanna draw and then zero energy#so dan heng in a hoodie#now i gotta go get dinner sooooo maybe that will give energy and then i can draw more of what i actually wanna draw#but i kinda spent like ... hours ? talking to my mom earlier today#since shes been in the hospital for many many days#so i was catching her up on whats been goin on and showed her silly lil videos#and telling her how hyped i was for summer hrid and she (very patient with my fe talk)#was like you always tell me about banners being bad so it must have made you REALLY happy to say the whole banner is good#and im like yeah and i had multiple people on multiple sites like hey salmon/moeblob did ya see the banner#and she was like thats so cool that people acknowledge who you like and im like yeah it is p cool#and then i told her how mad i was at the absolutely criminal act of limiting how you can watch clue (1985 hit movie)#like i told her yeah sure i own it twice on dvd and once on itunes and that the only way to watch those#are either desktop or ps2 and how i dont have access to my itunes email#and i dont have it on my laptop so i sadly would have to rebuy the movie on itunes under a new acct#then i said how i loved that it was free to watch with ads on yt and id watched it twice that way#but then recently wanted to watch it on there but laptop and hoo boy you have to buy or rent it now#so i v angrily was like fine whatever ill do the thing and leave my room and go watch it on my moms tv#while she isnt around and use her amazon prime where it should be included except ! IT WASNT!#YOU HAVE TO HAVE PRIME TO BUY OR RENT IT NOW TOO!#HOW ARE THEY DOING THIS AND WHY ! who in the world is watching this movie so much that isnt me that they have to charge for it now#on all platforms unless you straight up pirate it#and hey why would i of all people be needing to pirate a movie i own physically two times and digitally once#this is literally a personalized attack to me#and my mom was like i understand how you feel cause yeah thats really weird to do to a 1985 movie#and im like yes exactly i have morals and principles that make me opposed to this and its v maddening#and she said she understood and its ok next time we are having power issues and i have to shut down#that if i really wanna watch it i can rent it on her amazon account and i looked at her and shes like oh you feel v strongly about this#and i do! I HAVE HAD IT GIFTED TO ME TWICE ! I BOUGHT IT ONCE! WHY DO I HAVE TO RENT IT FOR MORE MONEY!
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Please, someone stop me from listening to Josh Groban, because otherwise I will end up DRAWING ANOTHER "MOTTIE AT BED" ARTWORK.
Like seriously, I cannot.
When I hear him sing "You have no idea" all I can hear is Mathias singing to Dorothea AND MY HEART CANNOT TAKE IT.
IT'S EXPLODING WITH SOFT TENDERNESS.
(and I have become the joke of my own household, because my husband, loving Josh as much as I do, now DOES IT ON PURPOSE OF PUTTING HIM ON OUR SPEAKERS, especially when he sees that I am busy working on something not Mottie-related. He knows how my brain works. HE KNOWS IT. So if sometimes you see me derailing, IT'S MR. NEMO'S FAULT AS WELL).
#Nemo babbles#good gods today I need to get stuff done#and here I am#brain empty only Mathias thoughts lol#ok tbh Mottie thoughts#but gods#it's the fluff#the unconditional love#the type of love that is born from the soul#the one that is built on trust and respect#the one where you know that you are loved completly#flaws included#fml#FML#I honestly either go from obsessive toxic ships (Mephistea am look at you) to most wholesome. Like there is no in-between.#And if you wonder why I jump in between#it's partially because I am easily distracted#but also because I need to give my own brain some respite from the different kind of emotions that these things elicit in me#as I said often#I feel ALL that I write#And that is true for good and bad emotions alike#Mephistea is intense as a ship#like INTENSE LIKE FIRE#And Mottie instead is soft and gentle#so I need to balance out#otherwise I run the risk of burning out lolololl
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i already said it but it does really frustrate me how little agency Taash has and the more i think about it the more insidious it gets. again their entire story revolves around Rook making choices for them, and they're also consistently talked down to by other characters, even if those characters are depicted as being friendly or nice. Isabela treats them like a child despite Taash being a very accomplished dragon hunter with the lords (which we see, repeatedly, when fighting the blighted dragons! Taash is not a child), and of course there's their mother (at least this is intentional) and both her and Isabela go behind Taash's back to throw them in with Rook, without asking for their input. Isabela just assumes without even trying to discuss it with Taash separate from their mother, despite seemingly being aware of the two's strained relationship... and from there Isabela continues to make unnecessary comments to Taash whenever you visit the hall of valor with them.
even Flynn, the nonbinary grey warden you meet in the wetlands, condescends to them about the Qun when discussing their gender, and Taash isn't allowed to disagree with them (apparently they give Flynn a Look but ultimately don't press the issue) and Flynn is depicted as being helpful in this discussion. Rook lectures them about gender and their own culture; their entire narrative revolves around Other People telling them what to do and how to feel-- it's obviously meant to be Bad when Taash's mother does it, because she (the Qun) is oppressive, but otherwise the game seems to be fine when it's Rook or literally anyone else doing it, because we're the enlightened Good Guys, and Taash is just helpless and confused and so oppressed. of course, i don't think it's bad for Rook to discuss these things with Taash or give them gentle suggestions, and i don't even hate the potential gender discussion you can have with a trans Rook; and for the record, their mother does treat them poorly. but we can't ignore the way Taash's repeated infantilization culminates in the player being the one to choose their culture for them in the end, because..?
well, the game clearly doesn't think Taash is capable of doing it themselves. at one point Taash links the ropes they wear for the Qun to the ones the antaam used to tie down a dragon and "blight" them. even if i'm feeling gracious and say that Weekes really meant that womanhood & their mother's expectations are restricting, they actively chose to use the ropes of the Qun to make this comparison, and so are also implying here that their mother teaching them the Qun has tied them down and "blighted" them-- that the Qun has "infected" their thinking and is as bad as the blight (this is also implied in the previous discussion with Flynn). this is.... really racist. it takes Rook and their, again, "enlightened" (white) ideas about gender to get through to Taash, nevermind that the Qun has its own ideas around gender that just get shouted down or completely ignored. the racism here results in the narrative contradicting itself, considering one of the first things Taash says is "you don't get to tell me who i am" but... Rook does, in the end, because intentional or not the game is clearly convinced that a person like Taash needs someone from outside of their and their mother's culture (aka free of "blight") to come tell them what's best for them.... 🤔 hm! and while it's true you can choose for them to align with the qunari in the end, that doesn't mitigate all of the heinous and racist writing that leads up to that choice (and that the choice itself is racist. and you have to make it twice!)
of course we can say that Rook makes choices for all of the companions, this is true, but it's obvious that none of the other companions' choices are in the same ballpark, we aren't directly deciding something about their identity, and none of them lack agency to the same extent as Taash. we can even argue that they need Rook to explain gender to them, no one else ever has-- well, sure. the thing with Taash is that some parts of their story, when removed from context, are perfectly fine. i'm not criticizing the way Taash talks or acts or "does gender," all of which are things some people may connect to for various reasons (all of our experiences are different) but unfortunately we cannot discuss any of this without addressing the racism that is so thoroughly baked into every aspect of their character.
i criticized Taash for being "childlike" previously and that really wasn't the right phrasing-- i don't think that Taash themselves is childlike, it has nothing to do with them-- it's the way the narrative treats them, the way other characters talk down to them, how it takes away their autonomy & forces us to go along with it, and ultimately educate them and "save" them, and i think it's worth interrogating why Taash, of all the companions, is specifically depicted this way (it's racism).
#sorry. im going to try and finish taash's storyline today and hopefully never talk about them again lol#also i take back what i said earlier about the gender stuff being tacked on later i think this story was like this from the start#like they conceptualized them as qunari. these choices were made with them being qunari#no matter what the qun is always bad and this is just another way for them to show that... but Progressive because nonbinary!#oh and i havent played as a qunari but from what ive seen it doesnt seem to change much if anything when playing their questline#long post#datv critical#datv spoilers#da posting
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Omega: Focus on the bigger mission, Crosshair.
Crosshair:
#look look i know it’s been months but this idea came to me today and i just found it too fucking funny#like he kept telling hunter to look at the bigger picture then argued against omega’s plan and promptly stfu when she said that lol#has anyone done this before? meh it’s whatever#the bad batch#star wars#tbb season 3#tbb memes#tbb omega#tbb crosshair#crosshair and omega
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happy bratz community is furious day
#mga dropped the ball big time#they released the first mean girls bratz doll today and bots got them all in under 2 mins#already up on ebay for $500+#i was in line and it said i had less than a minute wait. finally refreshed 4 mins later and she was gone#it's for the best 😔#I didn't need to spend that money like that#this is on the level of bad organization that monster high has been on and it feels intentional#bratz
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dragon age in general. why the fuck are you like that about the qunari and the qun.
#dragon age#what else do i even tag this with#im so anxious to see how the qunari + the qun are going to be portrayed in veilguard#and i Know its going to be bad. im just not sure how bad its going to be. others have said this before but im also#generally worried about how taash is going to be potrayed. dont really like how her romance is said to be the “spiciest” when the qunari#have been fetishized over and over again in previous media. esp in dai.#sorry today is the day for complaining it seems. but i wouldnt have to complain so much if bioware didnt make so much#racist sexist shit#bioware critical#i guess
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#fucks me up that there are two whole new animals in the house that i barely know#who depend on me for everything#barely recognize me as a friend or helper#and are so incredibly incredibly fragile#i got worried for junie today because her spay incision had some swelling#and it's normal to have some and i have seen it before#but after what we just wemt through i got upset and rushed her to the vet#who said it was fine and thankfully we have free office visits#but i was so upset even though i knew it was probably normal#i look at them and i see adorable cuddly sweet TEMPORARY things and i feel like something inside me got broken somehow#and i was right all along that after it was all over i would come back but not quite as myself#i just hadn't fully understood the extent#we are keeping them and it sort of had to happen when it did but i think it was too early for me#they are so cute and when they do cuddle it's so sweet and obviously i would fight for them as hard as i would for Fancy#because that's just how the deal works and it isn't about you at all it's about how they each carry a little world inside them just as we d#and that deserves equal respect and care regardless of my personal affections#but i look at them and i see little creatures that don't belong here and are foreign in some fundamental way#and that they will be gone in just a little while and things will go back to how they were#which is impossible#we will settle in and i doubt anything i am feeling is abnormal but I'm really struggling and i feel so bad about that#i don't know#it's just a lot to deal with#and i feel very lonely and sad about it#and under it all the sick feeling of having JUST held all three lads as they passed and the VISCERAL reality of it#and knowing one day if everything goes just right i will be holding them too#dear god life is so fragile and every living thing is just as mortal as any other
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if i said i picked up this issue for anything but drunk erik i fear i'd be lying
(Wolverine (2020) #3)
#xmen#xmen comics#krakoa#magneto#ok fine logan can get a tag too. this IS his story after all ja/lkLAJVEAVKLJ#wolverine#snap scans#i should read the rest of this run but its like 47 issues i think so. gonna take some time with that#spliced up the panels so its easier to look at everything. and so i can frame drunk passed out erik on my wall#someone uploaded some of the first page some time ago but 1.) i forgot to rb it 2.) it didnt include the rest of the scene#it ESP didnt include erik fallin face first on the table and his lil sleepin face on the next page like please im gettin cuteness aggressio#im so miffed that these are printed on the same page cause i woulda framed this spread otherwise like PLEASE#this shit got me GIGGLING SO BAD i cant. 'dare i say it .......' he's so unnecessary i love him so much#he's so silly ..... also someone said it best in that whenever erik's drawn like a bug it's the best thing#like look at him. that's a beetle. that's my little beetle and i love him i need to put him in a terrarium and watch him#honestly theres a LOT of things i have scanned and wanna share however i have to do it. Reasonably so to speak#in that i dont want to accidentally drown out all my doodling with comic scans jvEALKVJEAKL#maybe i'll do it sandwich style ... art -> scan -> art -> scan etc etc#that does remind me i have a doodle i wanted to do today. so maybe ill do that and share another thing i got scanned ....#unfortunately i do very much love reading the comics. a troublesome thing cause theres so much i wanna share and talk about#like from this issue too i love how hank describes what charles' mutation feels like#its not a grand thing but i love it whenever charles' telepathy is described and how it effects him physiologically#maybe hank was just Theorizing what it feels like but still ... i love that insight so much .....#i'll share that quote another time- i prob won't scan the page cause it's just a text log but i will say it was from here dont worry#ok ive rambled long enough BYE im gonna go draw charles
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zonked out on the dog bed snoring up a storm. you come over and rub the soft spot on the top of my nose. i let out the most contented sigh
#blllllaggggh busiest doggy everyday of my life and i am exhausted#ye beware of sadposting ahead. more like just need to get thoughts out of my headposting yk. im ok just tired#friend said to me today 'youre always doing something these days jasper when do you rest?'#and i was like huh good question! i dont hahaha. damn#which is not a bad thing always. but my plate is incredibly full and i have no one to help me#im in a really good place. things are happening that ive wanted to happen for years. but i have no time to take care of me#and the ppl who are supposed to take care of me dont. and they let me down everytime i try to ask for it. which im used to#but it doesnt make it any easier. theres just not enough hours in the day and not enough energy in my little doggy body#i used to be able to push myself past the wall of exhaustion. but after my therapy program ik i just can not do that anymore#im really proud of myself. being an adult is hard. im doing everything right. but i just wish i had someone by my side to help me#anyways.#i am a very good boy#yapping#if youre reading this hi im just venting im fine. its just been a long day and i want someone to give me a head massage#jasperbarks
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Would be superb if every day off I didn't become paralyzed with anxiety because there's nothing substantial to distract me from it. Would be really great if that didn't happen cause I still have stuff to actually do but its not as immediately pressing as my actual job.
#ugh#i genuinely miss being unemployed#at least then i had time to do stuff#now i have to deal with this and i have like no time for myswlf#cause the time i do have is spent having major anxiety and then the rest is spent exhausted by said anxiety#granted today is not as bad and could have been avoided#urgh
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"Yeah, it was over here. Follow me."
(based on work yesterday)
#detroit become human#gavin reed#rk900#just replace the gun with a box cutter but yes i did ask my taller coworker#hey have you seen - and then he moved the box cutter closer to my line of vision and i just looked and said yeah thats fair#and then he was like nooooooo thats bad not fair hey but i steamrolled on with so yeah have you seen this thing#and then he had! so he took me to it#i have to once again reiterate this is just how my coworkers have always been and its why#even antagonistic coworkers dont strike me as antagonists#it might be my extremely skewed perspective but ive had lots of... unhinged? coworkers?#thinking about the guy who came to work v nonchalantly with a taser ...#that would actually be a p funny comic too ...#are these normal work experiences? idk! do you guys have weird work histories with people and box cutters and tasers?#or is it just me lmao.....#if it wasnt for what happened today i would have considered swapping the roles here to have gavin pulling the gun on nines#but based on the height factor of todays conversation it had to be this way for it
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babygorl
#hunnicutt more like hunnicute- ok that was a bad one#just because i said i had an idea doesnt mean it was a GOOD idea#oh shit i need to actually do real tags whoops#mash#mash 4077#m*a*s*h#mash fanart#mash art#mashblogging#mashblr#bj hunnicutt#there now the summoning spell is cast and people will be forced to look at this garbage nyeheheh#.silly drawings#decent art day today ig#i plan to do hawkeye in the Other one but not rn. for now i just enjoy what ive made#babygorl saga
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