#LIKE I KNOW NOT ALL ASEXUALS ARE LIKE THAT

[thebisexualwreckoning]

Not be a nasty mean disgusting aromantic on main but I hate the prevalence of puritanical anti-sex culture in queer spaces. Stop demonising casual sex or fucking your friends or in general just getting it on with whoever you want without wanting to pursue a romantic relationship as well. Stop calling people who don’t want romantic relationships but like sex ‘fuckbois’ or ‘afraid of commitment’. Stop treating all aromantic people like they’re not valid unless they’re also asexual. Aroallo people exist and deserve just as much respect as the rest of the community regardless of their views on sex. This involves cishet aroallo people as well because I know how weird yall on tumblr are about them. You don’t get to judge someone just because they don’t match up to your image of what a respectable queer looks like. Unless you’ve forgotten we’re all perverted dykes and faggots and trannies in the oppressors eyes and helping keep the myth of sex being something disgusting that should only ever happen between “two people who love each other very much” just helps them. Stop fucking putting your own head under the guillotine before the extermination has even started

*note: do not tag this as ace or aroace. This post is about the specific experiences aroallo people face and I will not suffer derailing.

[queereads-bracket]

Queer Fiction Free-for-All Book Bracket Tournament: Round 1C

Book summaries below:

Wayward Children series (Every Heart a Doorway, Down Among the Sticks and Bones, Beneath the Sugar Sky, In an Absent Dream, Come Tumbling Down, Across the Green Grass Fields, Where the Drowned Girls Go, Lost in the Moment and Found, Mislaid in Parts Half-Known, Adrift in Currents Clean and Clear, and other stories) by Seanan McGuire

Eleanor West’s Home for Wayward Children No Solicitations No Visitors No Guests

Children have always disappeared under the right conditions; slipping through the shadows under a bed or at the back of a wardrobe, tumbling down rabbit holes and into old wells, and emerging somewhere... else.

But magical lands have little need for used-up miracle children.

Nancy tumbled once, but now she’s back. The things she’s experienced... they change a person. The children under Miss West’s care understand all too well. And each of them is seeking a way back to their own fantasy world.

But Nancy’s arrival marks a change at the Home. There’s a darkness just around each corner, and when tragedy strikes, it’s up to Nancy and her new-found schoolmates to get to the heart of the matter.

No matter the cost.

Fantasy, portal fantasy, mystery, magical realism, boarding school, novella, series, adult

Unconventional Hearts by Emmy Sanders

One summer. Three men. The proposal that ropes them together. Cooper I came to Texas with a single goal: to find my bio-dad before the end of summer. Instead, I found Will, a spitfire of a man with sharp blue eyes and a swoon-worthy drawl. When he proposes adding benefits to our newfound friendship, I’m all in. The problem? I’m smitten. With not one, but two men. Because Will has a friend that makes me smile like no other. My time in Plum Valley is coming to an end, but if I’m not careful, I’ll be leaving my heart behind when I go. Will Spending summer break back home with my best friend was not supposed to be complicated. But then Tru and I kissed, and for the first time, I don’t know where we stand. Now Cooper, the new ranch hand, is mixed up in matters, and I’m even less sure of what it all means. The three of us fit together effortlessly, but I worry it’s only a matter of time before someone gets hurt. I don’t know how to get out of this tangled mess, and truth be told, I’m not sure I want to. Tru To me, it’s simple. Will and I are exploring what it means to go from friends to more. But as an asexual man, there are certain activities I’m uninterested in. Will likes Cooper, and Cooper is all about Will. And me? I have no problem sharing. But as summer ticks down, I learn a few lessons. One, I feel more at home in Plum Valley than anywhere else. Two, I’ve been harboring major feelings for Will. And three, Cooper’s infectious optimism isn’t something I’m ready to part with. Time’s almost up. Yet I’m nowhere near ready to say goodbye. Unconventional Hearts is a lighthearted poly romance between a Southern charmer with a hero complex, a blunt-as-can-be sweetheart who doesn’t need saving, and a lovable golden retriever of a man who has a song for every occasion. There is no cheating and one very HEA. It’s book 3 in the Plum Valley Cowboys series but can be read as a standalone.

Romance, contemporary, new adult

[forsaken-headcanons]

everyone in the game is either asexual or against dating anyone else for various different reasons

Noob- asexual, and only wants their friend back (they miss guest 666)

elliot- too busy throwing pizza

two time-

guest 1337- has a wife and kid

007n7- doesn't want anyone, and is worried coolkidd might scare them off if he did want someone

shedletsky- chicken

builderman- he is the owner of roblox he has to make sure nothing bad happens he can't do that with a partner

chance- has a big bunny why would they need anything else

taph- they feel like they would be asexual or aromantic or both idk they just feel like they prefer being alone

dusekkar- i don't fuckin know

jason- murderous creature, probably not all there

john doe- had a wife and then forgot her and then became a murderous creature (he would fall in love if he saw her again the devs said so)

c00lkidd- i'm sure you can figure this one out yourself (he thinks dating is yucky and gross because that's what all 10 year olds think)

1x1x1x1- filled with pure rage.

-🍔

The fact that Two Time just has nothing. You don't even have to say it.

Sure, I respect that.

[greentrickster]

Okay, two things:

LGBTQ+ pride FTW 20always, baby!!!!!!!!!!!

Many members of the LGBTQ+ community are in places where it's harmful or even actively dangerous for them to display that pride

So! As someone who's just... wandered into a lot of youtube videos and internet essays and classic literature classes that involved conservative religious terminology, has an English (aka formal bullshitting) degree, and who got an A+ in my neurodivergent masking abilities, I'm gonna let you in on a phrase that's basically a life hack for establishing certain boundaries:

'God has called me.' No seriously, hear me out. This isn't a conservative Christian hype post, it's about how to use the language of conservative Christians to your own ends.

Example 1: Instead of "I'm asexual, I'm not interested in sex," try "God has called me to celibacy." Also works if you're married and the two of you aren't planning on having kids, regardless of if you're actually having sex or not.

Example 2: You're aromantic or have preferences other than straight but aren't in a place where that's safe to admit to: "God has called me to singleness." This also works if you are straight but just aren't in the space to date at the moment.

Example 3: You're going somewhere that might raise some eyebrows but you really want to go to because these are Your People? "God has called me to minister at [place you want to go]." I recommend ministering with the Songs of Solomon (because if you turn your head ever so slightly to the left, they are so much hornier than you'd expect).

Again, this isn't about being a good Christian, or even actually believing in God; it's about framing your truths and experiences in a way conservatives understand and respect. It's about hiding in plain sight during a time where it's even less safe for the LGBTQ+ community than it already was, and being able to establish certain boundaries for yourself in safe ways. It's about saying your truth in ways they'll actually hear.

Also, if you're in a place where people commonly talk about Bible verses and such, I recommend John 11:35 and/or Genesis 9:13 to claim as your personal fav.

John 11:35 "Jesus wept."

It's the shortest verse in the entire bible, and I honestly do like this one a lot. Weeping is something typically done when you can do nothing else. It is heartbreak, frustration, despair, utter and helpless sorrow. And I like the idea of a son of god/prophet/guy doing his best to establish change being characterized as able to weep; it indicates that there is an understanding of these emotions, and thus the potential for empathy and compassion for those who also experience them.

Genesis 9:13 "I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth."

It's from the end of the Noah story, God's promising not to flood the world again, no matter what humans do from this point on, because he's decided that that was an excessive reaction on his part. An indication that, while all-knowing and all-powerful, he's still capable of error. More importantly, rainbow cameo.

Anyway, hope this is useful to someone out there, and that everyone's staying as safe as possible in these never-ending Historical Events.

EDIT!!!

@ellipsiswears #raised in church disclaimer: that was not what the rainbow after the flood meant#one of the fundamental tenets of Christianity is that God is perfect does not err#so I recommend not saying that to a Christian unless you're ready for a Discussion#stay safe y'all

^Very important addition! I got a little lost in the sauce of personal interpretation and ways that verse could be read! I did grow up nominally Christian, but neither I nor anyone in my direct family are fundamentalist. And the church that I was with the longest and that my parents still attend from time to time is constantly on the cusp of being kicked out of our denomination for being 'too liberal.' Stay safe, do what research you're comfortable with, and don't be afraid to fact-check me and others like me; we are well-intentioned, but still fallible.

Please feel free to add to this thread with more information and suggestions regarding this topic, in the notes, in the tags, by adding to the thread proper, whatever. This isn't a topic or strategy I've seen discussed anywhere else, and I want people who might benefit from it to have it!

.

(Also, to be clear on the perspective I'm coming from, my own personal belief system boils down to "I firmly believe that there is something Big and Good out there, and there are many correct ways to connect with it and many proper names for it.")

[lucifertheanalyzer]

Saw this reply under someone else's post and it made me go "UGH". This fandom will never fight the acephobia allegations.

The Hellaverse's asexual rep is:

Having the character who is a cannibal that loves himself and cannot love others and is unaware of his own sexuality unlike the allosexuals characters.

The Sin of Greed who is seen as 'gross', 'ugly', and 'unfuckable. Does not get pin-up merch and fans now used the excuse "he is asexual" like asexuals do not enjoy pin-up or lewd merch (not all because they are a lot of them but most NSFW artists tend to be somewhere on the ace spectrum).

A teenage girl who is viewed as 'self-centered' because she told her father off for abandoning her.

I do not give a shit that these takes place in Hell. Asexuality is one of the most misunderstood sexualities. We are seen as 'broke' or 'self-centered' because we experience little to no sexual attraction.

You know how many pilot-era fans said they never heard of asexuality until it was revealed that Alastor was?

Asexuality is not a “little micro label”. Unlike other sexualities, asexuality rarely gets rep, there is not a lot of asexual cartoon and live action characters, even in shows that majority of the cast are queer.

I SWEAR this fandom loves to put down asexual (and sometimes lesbian) fans down when we talk about how poor the rep is.

[livlaughlove07]

ALRIGHT. HOTTAKE.

i head cannon shane as asexual. while i love the smutfics and all that jazz, i don’t think he wants game.

i think that he has such a deep hatred of himself that he doesn’t want anyone to see him/be vulnerable like that, which then manifested into a repulsion

am i maybe projecting? no why would you say that.

[teyrnacousland]

I'm going to ramble to myself about Cassia for way too long now, okay, this is mostly for me. I tried to do it in tags out of everyone's way and learned there's a limit to how many tags you can have.

As someone who also chose to make my Mercar an Altus mage (or rather, chose to make the Altus mage I made for DA4 back in like 2018 a Mercar) I want to ramble about my thoughts about Cassia specifically.

It's definitely not just about being a saviour for Cassia. It's kind of more about realizing that EVERYONE is making a choice whether they acknowledge it or not. (You can't just not make a choice about activism or politics. Ignoring it IS a choice. Whether you like what that aligns you with or not, that's what choosing not to care means.)

For Cassia she was put in a position where she had to face that choice and actively make it one way or another. She could either keep her head down and play her role as an oppressor, or give that and the luxuries it comes with up to try for a world where no one is forced into the role of either victim or perpetrator. (Which is not at all me trying to say 'Cassia is a victim here too' or anything, just that oppressive societies aren't good for almost everyone in them. And that being a bystander is always a choice.)

When I made Cassia I was thinking how far does bystander effect go in the context of societal things like Tevinter, and at what point do you break out of it and how. Cassia isn't One Of The Good Ones. She's not Not Like Other Magisters. She's exactly like everyone else. She is a member of the crowd and she's moved with it her whole life. And I don't believe most people in any given crowd are cruel. Active cruelty, or even apathy, is not why most people allow suffering. I don't think we're naturally all just selfish. I think selfishness is just like, a stress response. Self-preservation.

Cassia is only special in that she was forced into a situation that she realized meant she had to actively decide to either be cruel or Not Do That, and because someone directly offered her another path with the Shadows (Which is how Ashur got involved in her story.)

The biggest thing that breaks people out of that mindset is being directly asked to help, and also seeing someone else help. People are more likely to help others help than to start helping someone themselves. Cassia would never have started a resistance group herself. She might not have even sought them out and joined herself. But she's given an option to help and she chooses to take it.

Basically, Cassia becomes a Shadow Dragon because she doesn't want to fill her role in Tevinter society either, even though her role was better than others. It's not something she wanted for herself, or the world she lives in.

Her being ace and bi also has a role in it, too. She could just hide her bisexuality and ignore her asexuality and she could play her role in society as an Altus mage woman. She could get straight married and have sex and have children. That's her only option in Tevinter. To stay in the closet and do things she doesn't want to do. Forever.

I also have decided that I now like that the Shadow Dragons are led by ruling class Altus mages, actually. My first reaction was wishing the organization was more run by the people for the people kind of thing, like a community organization vs a saviours from on high thing. But this makes them messy. All the other factions are messed up in some way, this is the Shadow Dragons mess. It'd be neat if they explored that more in the game itself, because the line up there about a bunch of Altus mages telling Nazri they're Revolutioning wrong is so interesting and good.

As for why, for Dorian specifically, I think he's similar to Cassia. Once he became aware that it's a choice, he made one.

The specific DAI line that stands out to me is the banter where Solas tells him something like "if you were truly sorry you'd free every slave in Tevinter". His initial response is "I don't know that I can do that" (which is kind of where he's been at for most of his life. It is how it is, even if I don't like some of it, I certainly can't change it) and Solas responds "then how sorry are you?"

And I think he took that one to heart. He can either go back to Tevinter and decide/admit that he doesn't care, and just go back to complaining about things and not doing anything about it. Or he has to care (which he does, he's a very empathetic person) and do something. So he did! Not to be a saviour or a hero, but because he loves Tevinter, and there's a better Tevinter in his head, for him and everyone else, and it's worth it to at least try and make it happen.

I keep harping on this but the Shadow Dragon's rebuke of rook when rook is a shadow dragon who picked treviso is so like. whole and unending. you save viper from the venatori and he talks about the shadow dragons like you aren't one of them anymore. you dont see tarquin or dorian or mae again until the end of the game. the companions say "it must be hard for the shadow dragons in minrathous" to you. neve says "I don't expect you to show up for dock town, rook" and it hurts because nobody else does either. nobody else WANTS you to anymore. but they'll take what you give them!

[eosofspades]

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

[jamierthanyou]

as an aroace, im particularly dangerous, because i wont fuck or marry. i only know how to kill.

[sunbloomdew]

do you ever see a person and you are overcome with incredible fondness? and you just think "oh." but not in a romantic or sexual way you are just filled with warmth and it makes you happy, it just does. and you think "i'm so happy you exist. i'm happy you are somewhere out there in the world, doing your thing". it's love but also not entirely

like people are lovely and i feel it in my entire chest like a burning candle that smells like roses and a sunny day

[whereserpentswalk]

To sum it up very quickly: it is more important that Lisa is seen as a full human being and not seen as broken or evil while not experiencing sexual or romantic attraction, then weather or not she fits a strict definition of ace or aro.

The idea that having once experienced sexual attraction makes you not a real asexual is aphobia. Like, if a character was attracted to both sexes due to shard influence, you'd probably still call them bi/pan. This shouldn't be different.

I've known an ace person who considered themself to be ace from the side effects of meds. There are ace people who are ace due to randomly losing sexual attraction. There are ace people who are ace due to trauma. All of which fit pretty neatly into what a trigger event represents.

Saying she's not ace is saying that "broken heterosexual" is a valid category to put ace people into.

I know you had the best intentions, sorry if I came off as harsh, I'm not mad at you. But seriously. I have had no experience with wildbow's wog (deliberately avoiding), and I haven't read Ward yet (I'll get to it someday), I said she was good ace rep in 2013 knowing only what Worm says about her.

Also looking on the wiki quotes there isn't even confirmation that it's not shard based, it just says that she now considers that it's likely not. Which kind of implies that the dialog about her sexuality in Worm is also saying she's ace, and also I'm pretty sure the pre ward fandom also thought she was ace from those lines. So Ward isn't that big a distinction, unless there's something I'm missing (which there might be). Though I still don't care, because I don't think it being or not being shard based makes it better or worse rep.

So, I'm not against people shipping Lisa and Taylor, but it feels wrong when people say it's somehow homophobic that they aren't together, especially because Lisa in canonically aroace.

Like, Lisa is really good aro/ace representation, something we don't have a lot of, and had almost none of back in 2013. The fact that she's never seen as broken (even though it's likely her shard took away her ability to be attracted to people, it's still not seen as a tragedy.) The fact that she's able to live a successful happy life, and she's never seen as missing anything. The fact that she's an archetype we basically never think of ace/aro characters as inhabiting. The fact that her costume is ace flag colored (though that was almost certainly unintentional). Saying she should have been allo for the sake of your ship is the opposite of wanting better rep.

Also, just like, the implication that her relationship with Taylor wasn't meaningful because they weren't fucking just seems wrong to me. Like, Lisa was Taylor's first real friend after what happened to her with Emma. They were both bright lights for each other in really dark circumstances. They probably understood each other better than anyone else did. Lisa was still there for Taylor after she had become something too powerful to really be human. Taylor was unquestionably a better person for knowing Lisa, and Taylor was probably the person cared most about, at least during the Skitter era of the Undersiders. (I would say more but I'm trying to avoid serious spoilers). And saying that that relationship could only be romantic, or that it doesn't matter or isn't as meaningful if it's platonic, is fundamentally looking at an aromantic character and saying she should be allo, or that her story is more meaningful if you head cannon her as allo, which is unquestionably aphobic.

Happy aro week. Ship what you want but don't demand your ships become cannon, especially when one of the characters is aro.

[pokimoko]

Asexual bird? Please

How about two asexual birds?

[cowboylikeghost]

As a neurodivergent arospec you're either very oblivious to people having crushes on you or are cursed with the hyper awareness to people liking you in a way you DON'T want them too

[laurellala-comics]

A Shakespearean comedy of errors

bonus:

[hongjoongpresent]

Friendly reminder that all aros and aces are part of the queer community, and you're welcome here. Aphobes are hit with my laser beam.

[knifearo]

ultimately when it comes to shipping and fandom space treatment of aspec characters i just don't accept "aro/ace people can still date/have sex" as an answer from nonaspecs. like yeah. mhm. okay. now i think we both know that you're not saying that out of real interest in the diversity of aspec experiences. so you can turn in your seventeen-page essay on why and how you plan to examine this character's aspec identity within the context of a romantic or sexual relationship complete with evidence from canon and peer reviews from multiple aspec people within the next week or i'm putting you in the pit from the edgar allen poe story