#LEAVE ME ALONE JESUS PLEASE
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HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL HIM NO PLEASE
#for context this is NOT the first time i got this exact notif#LEAVE ME ALONE JESUS PLEASE#PLEASE IM NOT CHRISTIAN#doodle#moss chatters
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something very lgbt is gonna transpire in that scene I know it 👁️
#the heart killers#firstkhao#kantbison#gmmtv#thai bl#LIKE WE ALL KNOW THAT SMILE#also cannot get over how baby bison looks like please?????#hes just a little guy who commits crimes leave him alone#on the verge of tears fr#im so fcking weak in my knees for them and i havent even seen them move djhgfd#also the way they look absolutely nothing like firstkhao in this like see how actors ACT????#insanity#jesus its me again#im not strong enough#this time i mean it
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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you flirt with me, tell me i'm the girl of your dreams, ask me what diamond cut i like and talk to me every damn day from the time we wake up to the time we go to sleep. why am i the crazy one for believing what you said? why am i the bad guy for reacting negatively after finding out it was all just play to you? why even do all that when you didn't even really want me?
#its so fucked up. yall just be playing with people's emotions because youre bored or lonely and want entertainment.#you dont care who you hurt. you dont care what happens to a person once you've got your fill.#you only care about temporarily filling that void inside you. you dont give a fuck about anyone but yourself.#its SICKENING.#and I'M the psychotic one??? please!#just leave me the fuck alone!!! for real!!! ive had enough emotional damage for one lifetime!!! go fuck w someone else's heart!#jesus christ.......
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The fucking DEMONS
#FHEY WINT LEAVE ME ALONE I#iM NOT SIXTEEN ANYMORE OKAY YOU CAN STOP PLEASE#you have to stop doing this shit its fucking embarassing its unbecoming youre an embarassment#crying over fucking nothing#jesus christ youre selfish arent you#and all youll do is get pissy and angry and frustrated with yoursekf and go NOWHERE BUT DOWN#you could. idunno. take an ounce of responsibility for your own stupidity#but nooo youre just going shame spiral and drink about it. like you FUCKING always do#THAT ISNT AN ANSWER STUPID AND YOU KNOW IT. ITS JUST A NEW WAY FOR YOU TO HURT YOURSELF ON PURPOSE#you never stopped self harming you just found new invisible ways to do it#thats why you smoke all day like a fucking loser hacking up black slime#youre an ugly stupid child and you always will be
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SERIOUSLY WOULD ANY RAFAYEL LIKERS LIKE A LUCK BLESSING BECAUSE HE KEEPS APPEARING WHEN IM NOT FUCKING PULLING FOR HIM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I NEED TO DIRECT THIS LUCK ELSEWHERE TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS IT
#love and deepspace#and in return all i ask is a luck blessing for zayne because jesus christ. augh. ough. :(#rafayel ur funny and cool but zayne is my blorbo so PLEASE leave me ALONE rn
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hey how do you forgive yourself for doing something something you feel is irrevocably embarrassing even though you know you can do anything you want forever
like how do you unlearn that shame
#jesus christ#i did something last night and i'm having the most horrifying sense of “post-nut clarity” that i have in a WHILE#and i didn't even get to nut like#rragahRAGSJKDLF i've been pacing around my kitchen trying to find the strength to make breakfast and finding none cause i'm so tired and#like. anxious over this harmless thing that i went out and did and i know its harmless and i know its private to me and no one else's#business and there are other people out there that also do this thing and it's not harming anyone so i should be fine#but like?????? trauma fuckin sucks man i hate this shit#i can wholeheartedly let adults do what they want forever as long as its not harmful cause it's their choice to do that#but the second that adult becomes me i can't?? my brain won't fucking let me#i'm gonna make myself a coffee and take a nap i can't do this shit anymore#maybe watch some youtube to drown it out#maybe animate. i mean i'm in the right headspace for a little vent animation that's for fucking sure#idfk#rant#rant in tags#i'm like genuinely asking for advice on how to help with this but also if you can't say anything helpful leave me tf alone please#i wanna disappear for a day or two#or forever idk
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Stop trying to christianize me in the Walmart parking lot!!! I’m just here for a sample platter of CHEESECAKE!!!!
#PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.#rach post#that really pissed me off#and having her children do her dirty work in the Walmart fucking parking lot#I don’t want your Jesus board book! I want CHEESECAKE#I told her I didn’t have any cash and her wack as response was ‘do you believe in god?’#not after this conversation lady!!!#and I had Chappell roan blaring#barking up the wrong tree lady.
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God, Yoongi’s letter broke my fucking heart
#she speaks#a handwritten fucking apology for something he already apologized for and honestly shouldn’t have gotten in trouble for in the first place#certainly not like this#will these motherfuckers leave him alone now please#at least army got dispatch’s twitter account suspended for a minute#give the man room to breathe Jesus fucking Christ#I’m honestly so glad yijeong expressed his support#I wish Seokjin could say something but I’m quite sure he’s been told to keep his mouth shut#cuz you can’t fucking tell me the other members are anything other than supportive in all this#The Scooter
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I never do this, and I've zero awareness of anything that is happening in the marauders fandom etc. because I actually do not spend that much time online, but now I'm pissed so congratulations, I'm mad and I will rent about it.
First of all, I won't get into the whole "white supremacist"/"fascist" allegations, because 1. I feel like you people actually don't know what fascism means anymore and I blame internet brain rot for this so I would genuinely recommend going back to school* - and yep, this is me being polite because you people truly don't wanna hear what I genuinely want to call you because calling your argument stupid is apparently stepping over the line and english also limits myself from the portuguese horizons of names that you people probably wouldn't understand; 2. Because this post about Regulus already said everything it needs to be said and I won't repeat myself - I would recommend reading but as of lately I'm actually doubting you people reading abilities, so maybe do try to read, but give it a good one ok ;)
Second of all: coherence people. You cannot come over tumblr dot com with #anti(insert ship) and then 1. expect people not to react and 2. tell people to "be polite" while you actually make your whole page about hating a certain ship. Let me give an example: I particularly don't like certain couples in the marauders fandom. Have you ever heard of me saying shit about them? Have you EVER seen a post of my on tumblr dot com pissing on people who like them? Is any of my mutuals, friends, or casual followers even knows what couples are they? No. Because when I don't like something, I shut my fucking mouth and I move on with my life, dedicating myself to things that I actually enjoy. That is called not being a bitter loser - see, now I'm actually not being polite, which is different from calling your argument stupid on a tag. Now I'm calling you a bitter loser on the actual post.
"Oh, but I miss when the fandom was like this and this and this and now is all about this and this". I actually don't even have words. Hold my hand while I walk you through this: did you ever thought about not engaging with what you don't like??? See, I don't actually engage with the Harry Potter fandom in general - there is only one couple I read from the original story of the books, and no one knows about it, because I don't make posts about it and I rarely even speak about them. I don't like the Harry Potter fandom. I don't even really respect them. Do I make posts about them? No. Do I cry my eyes out about how the fandom should focus on this one couple I enjoy sometimes? No.
Now, when it comes to Harry Potter, I actually do participate more in the marauders fandom. Do I like all of the marauders fandom? No. Do I spend my precious life hours making posts about those parts I hate and wish it was different? No! You know why? (& I know this must be really difficult to understand): Because I get my stuff, I move to the corner of the fandom where there is people, authors and ships I do like, and I thrive myself in being in the environment that I enjoy, ALL THE WHILE letting people be happy in their own little fandom-corner because, again, I'm not a bitter loser who spends time and time and time again dedicating my whole page about "how the interpretation of these online people I've never met about FICTIONAL CHARACTERS are not fulfilling my idea of "canon" or my own idea of said characters".
And I have great news!!! On ao3, you can actually filter things to not show you ships or dynamics you don't like. Crazy right? Almost like you can actually be part of a fandom and only read certain authors, ships and stories. I know, I know, super duper insane.
"Oh but I don't like the way this author wrote this characters, what should I do except go on tumblr and be a bitter loser?" Oh thank you so much for asking! Have you ever thought of opening something called Google docs? It's magic, I swear. You open and there is a blank page, and then you use your two braincells and you... (dramatic pause) WRITE A STORY YOURSELF! Isn't that great? You actually have freedom to do whatever you wish with whatever characters you like because no one really takes canon seriously and having your own story means you can exercise those brain juices and be creative and expand on the original world building and give attention to characters who rarely appeared on canon. You can even murder very bloodily that one character you really hate. And the best part? When you post, you actually can create a community with people that also likes to read the same things at you and have similar interpretations of the characters! You build your own fandom corner, isn't that so beautiful?
* I will leave it here, also, this:
#i'm renting#and this would sound a 100% better in portuguese where i would be able to say caralho a lot of times#and this is not a shade post#because i actually stand with what i said and i don't need to make a thousands posts about how the fandom is not the same and i wish to be#the way i wanted it to be#and also because being a chronically offline person gave me the confidence to only post things i would say at your face in real life#now please get a fucking life i beg all of you#and stop creating shit over ships#just read what you like#and leave everyone else alone to read what they like#jesus christ#and please do feel free to call my argument stupid people if you don't agree and you have something better to add#because i was born and raised discussing brazilian politics with my conservative parents#when you get tired i'll be just starting.
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I don't think my husband understands that there is a big difference between the kind of sleep I've been getting and the kind of sleep he's been getting. It's starting to make me very angry
#ignore me#i only sleep for max 4 hours and then have too wale up to feed tje baby#and after that she doesn't sleep for another 4 only for max 2#which means i barely get any of the deep sleep#and he sometimes gets like 8+ hours#and then he has tje audacity to bitch at me that he deserves to sleep in too#like boyo you slept 10 hours this week#my max was 8 including the feeding breaks which means definitely not 8???#In 8+ months i had the pleasure of sleeping without feeding duty twice#like does he even understand the level of exhaustion I have by now???#i think i wouldn't care if he didn't have the audacity to pretend that he never gets enough sleep anymore which is factually not true#he sleeps more than he did before the baby which is okay cause he's been more busy since then#but dont bitch at me please? I'm tired too... I'm trying my best with not enough rest too#I'm so tired my baby thought i was upset and tried to cheer me up#what a cutie#she always tries to cheer me up when I'm not smiling which is not necessary??? i cannot smile all the time???#but i guess for her it's weird to not look concentrated or happy#i know she isnt scared. of me cause sometimes when i get a bit more stern she goes “oh oh” so i think she does it cause she is happy so i#should be making the happy face too after all she is happy???#at least i think that babies have no concept of other people feelibg other things than them. yet#anyways being a mom is hard jesus christ how the fuck do single moms manage???#or moms with useless husbands???#not saying we are perfect but at least my husband helps as much as he can and i can leave him alone with the baby as long as he has milk#i need to talk with him about this
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#i think my grandparents are going home tomorrow. which. lmao thank god#i love them so much they practically raised me i adore them i always have and always will#but FUCK man religious brazilian grandparents are their own brand of psychological torture and i cannot handle much more of this#yesterday i overheard my grandfather talking to my grandmother about how i had two (2) caipirinhas at this brazilian steakhouse we went to#to celebrate his and my aunts birthdays#and he said its the beginning of alcoholism and that i will eventually follow in my mothers footsteps of being a drunk if i keep drinking#like HELLO?????? SIR????????????? I HAD TWO DRINKS. TWO. ALL NIGHT. THE WHOLE NIGHT. TWO DRINKS.#also leave my mom alone sir she went through hell growing up dont shit talk her thats YOUR parenting my man#its just. the micromanaging. the helicoptering. the incessant unwarranted opinions. the nagging. the criticism. im just over it tbh#AND THE GOD TALK. oh my gooooood if i am gifted one more portuguese bible im gonna. idk what im gonna do but im gonna do something#i could start my own fucking library at this point with how many bibles they keep foisting onto me#hopefully by this time tomorrow i will be free of this and everyone can. get some space.#i love my family but jesus crucificado alguém me ajude#LOVE U ALL MISS U ALL HOPE UR ALL WELL MWAH ILL BE BACK SOON PRAY FOR ME PLEASE#personal
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I
<3
In between arc (kinda) episodes
Pt. 3
#so MOMOS GRANDPA IS ALIVE??? AND PLUTON IS HERE SO ROBIN LIED TO CROCODILE IN ARABASTA! QUEEN#THE NEW ADMIRAL JUST KILLED QUEEN AND MAYBE KING (PLEASE DONT!!) AND IS CALLING FOR A WARSHIP TO KILL LUFFY#oh luffy grabbing kid akdhaksj reluctant friend maker they call him... wdym youre going to kill me... come here lets smush cheeks#luffy is such a humble king.... also why am i crying here thinking how everything is so brautiful (and otsuru is alive) and i have to find#out buggy is a yonkou. what the hell did he do against the marines akdbaisbsks ????? HOW????#ofc luffy is obvious.... also the admiral could roam arund wano a little and grow some plants all over... it is needed after all...#take a breath.... meditate what you're going to do...#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1080#also why is jinbe in there alone??? also i thought pluton was nika but pluton is in wano??? metaphorically yes.... my theory is in shambles#SHANKS???? 'momo and hiyori must have grown' well... recent update actually...#yamato got him!!!! fuck yes!!!#yasopp isnt ready to see usopp???? well boohoo... also why does this guy care about kid... nvm shanks got his arm i forgor xd#so shanks new about the fruit.... bc not even whos who knows...#barto burning shanks flag omg akdhsks#SABO KILLED COBRA???? that has to be a setup.... kuma escaped!!!! sabo is more popular than dragon somehow??? its bc he actually does stuff#MOMO CAN MAKE FIRE?? well kinda... shanks goes for the one piece.... what's in the air??? like you didn't have time before???#once again i <3 in between arc episodes.... i love getting fed new info....#nami new sharpshooter usopp step aside... and with one hand only... oh nvm.... it is rigged then#episode 1082#law and robin ponebesties.... jack gyojin???? also that is such a way to construct a city... wth RED PONEGLYPH!!! 3/4!!!#opening the frontiers frees the weapon.... inch resting also did luffy talk to him??? yamato could hear him because of the king's haki???#what is up with shank's haki.... jesus christ.... they were just watching lmao luffy can feel shanks omg.....#did he just leave or does he need the poneglyph still???#episode 1083
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apparently my roommate doesn't understand the concept of "i'm tired and hungry and had a long day so i might be Slightly Cross instead of Immediately Cheerful when responding in conversation" and takes it as a personal fucking slight when i say something even remotely boundary setting
#jesus fucking christ. leave me the hell alone.#gd forbid i don't sugarcoat every word and monitor every syllable's inflection to not upset your inscrutably delicate sensibilities#sorry for offending you it's not like you disparaged my character and then expected it to be My job to clear things up.#can ijust put my fucking chicken in the toaster oven in peace please#i wanna talk about me
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Uh oh… pissed for a stupid reason again
#other people’s eating habits are none of your business jesus christ#‘please eat healthier’ leave me the fuck alone lmao#not about anyone here#sorry for talking about this again i just hate this shit#my irls kinda suck sometimes but i kinda have to hang out with them bc of my friends
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Me: omg wow i finally have free time i can do something fun
The evil worm that lives in my brain:
#Sitting on the floor shaking and terrified reblogging posts on tunglr dot com. The grind never stops#In all seriousness jesus can the illness of brain please leave me alone for like 5 seconds. Id like tohave a nice day pless#ruby speaks
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