#Kurotsuchi

[atoriv-art]

u spend too much time thinking about naruto and you start fixating on random side characters. and its fun

[narutwitter]

[evilkitten3]

shoutout to the twelve (12) naruto women who are confirmed to be jounin and are also not medical ninja! (thanks to @tora-the-cat for compiling the naruto women list with me)

yuuhi kurenai

temari

samui

pakura

ringo ameyuri

kurotsuchi

nii yugito

uchiha mikoto

umino kohari

maki

kazamatsuri moegi

hyuuga hanabi

you did it, ladies! you beat sexism!

[obliviani]

The Mad Scientist

BLEACH ⚔️ JJK Volume Covers series

ref:

[theylovevenus]

Scott Pilgrim X Shikatema The Final Hour

[aordhyf]

Happy Birthday to the many faces of the today’s birthday boy, Mayuri Kurotsuchi.

[nardo-headcanons]

About Deidara

i am back again with some shower thoughts about Deidara, once again, 90% headcanon and very rambly

Deidara is, in my opinion, one of the most misunderstood characters of the Akatsuki. Many paint him as an explosive (pun not intended) idiot who simps for the Uchiha. But I don't think it's so simple.

We all know Deidara heils from Iwagakure, the hidden stone village. Considering his closeness to Oonoki, Kurotsuchi and Kitsuchi, I like to think he is a direct descendant of Oonoki and related to Kitsuchi in some kind of way. Maybe a son? A nephew?

LET ME EXPLAIN:

Thank you so much to the OP who initially pointed this out, unfortunately I couldn't find their post even after 2 hours of scrolling.

Naruto, as can be seen, has full monolid eyes, making him not European looking, contrary to what many people, including myself, thought. Sasuke, on the contrary, has double eyelids, a trait seen as very desirable in Japan and other East Asian countries. Sakura has a mixture of both, a double eyelid but with visible epicanthal fold. These details all stay consistent through the manga. BACK TO DEIDARA

Living with the Tsuchikage has its perks, including wealth and leisure time. Since in Iwagakure, the Tsuchikage heil from one family and one family only, I think that from his birth, Deidara had been shaped and molded into the perfect next leader. He was given anything he desired for, he could have anything that he wanted. He was never allowed to be the kid Deidara, the one making mistakes and living in the moment, no, he had to pave the road for his future.

It was shown that Deidara does know how to make his explosions colorful, and that is mostly done by mixing the explosive substance with alkaline earth metals. Doing that requires knowledge of advanced chemistry since you need to know the ratios and mix-ins. If we take into account Onoki's Kekkei Touta, particle release, we can assume that Deidara has been tought in the natural sciences, up to the atomic level. (this is so cool in itself, he could probably explain orbital theory and quantum mechanics to you)

Deidara was 9 years old when he became a rogue ninja, having joined the Iwa explosion force at a young age and became one of its most talented members. It's making me believe he must have been a literal super genius if he managed to go that far as an elementary school kid. The name "Deidara" might be a pen name he chose for himself as an artist, and Onoki, Kurotsuchi and Kitsuchi call him that out of respect - just like Deidara always uses respectful honorifics for his higher-ups. He was raised that way.

He was used to people reacting to him with awe, whether that be the Iwa citizens treating him as royalty, or the people looking at his bombs moments before they go off. It's all he has known. So, when emotionally constipated Uchiha men come along, who don't give him the reaction he believes he is entitled to, he explodes. Literally and figuratively.

In a way, Deidara is, like so many others in the shinobi world, a child forced to grow up way too quickly, never being allowed to live in the moment, always having to think of the future. Maybe his time in the Akatsuki was the most freeing he has ever had.

[kankuroplease]

Congratulations on 5k🧡 I’d love to request a drawing of deikuro doing pottery together :)

Thanks! I know nothing of pottery, but I tried 😂

[joltai-showa]

The sheer insanity of Iwagakure genetics

or a mountain village that seems to be made up of two clans - giants and gnomes - that started to intermingle with each other after the foundation of Iwa. With various degrees of success.

So recently I saw a post crying/laughing at the fact that Deidara (166 cm) is so tiny considering that he is an infamous terrorist belonging to Akatsuki and generally a threat to society that deserves S-rank slapped on his bounty. Now, being a vehement Deidara defender that I am, I wanna show that Deidara, being a child of Iwagakure, has a pretty okayish height, considering how absurd people in Iwa are built.

(me setting out to write this post detailing how Deidara is not three McDonald's sauces tall (he absolutely is))

So, to start off, I think it's important to establish a few things that can be generally observed from the data given on all characters in databooks, because from this we can actually see what Kishimoto (as the source for this data) presumes to be "normal" height ranges for characters in Naruto world

(and no we will not be discussing the weights that he assigns to these people, Kishi has ZERO clue how muscle mass works and it shows, as most of the characters would end up borderline anorexic with the amount of kilos he claims they have. KISAME AT ALMOST TWO METERS TALL, WEILDING A GIANT FUCKING SHARK-SWORD is supposed to be just over 80 kilograms??? are you fucking serious???)

(also obviously all stats and comparisons will be done in metric because that's how they are given in the original + I do not care for systems of measurement that have magical units like pinkies, toes, armpit hairs, football fields and the temperature in Arkansas, New Suckerland on May 7th, 1969)

The inspiration for this post was an old work posted back in 2016 on ficbook where authors compiled the height and weight data on most major characters in Naruto plot and started losing their marbles trying to make sense of it, but what is important for us right now is that they made a sorted table with all that stuff. I am not going to bother reposting it here because all text data in the table is written in Russian, which, I presume, most people reading this post don't speak, so I will simply provide the general observations that can be seen from it. The majority of adult men across all countries and eras seem to go from about 170cm (this is where Danzo of all people is located) to 185 cm (Maito father and son, Kakuzu, Hashirama are all around this point), meaning that if an adult man is above or below this range, then they can be considered pretty tall or pretty small compared to the rest of ninja world population. Then, if we look at adult women, we can see that they are spread out from about 160 cm (in the table that I am looking at we have Uchiha Mikoto at around 163 cm) to about 175 cm (the tallest woman that I can see in this sample is actually Terumi Mei of all people, at just 174 cm). So, women outside of this range can be treated similarly to men outside of their respective range. Finally, we got the teenagers, and the data on them is a bit wonky, as we have a bunch of ~16 year olds for Shippuden and a bunch of ~13 year olds for OG Naruto, but most boys go from somewhere around 165 to 175 cm (with the addition of guys killed in Shippuden it can go lower, to 155ish), while girls are about 160-165 cm tall (and then we have Tayuya, a 14 year old girl who was just 148 cm. jeez Orochimaru fed this girl nothing.)

And you are confused about this data because "wtf why is everyone so small, most adult men are supposed to be around 180-190ish cm tall" - you need to remember that Naruto, first and foremost, is a manga written by a Japanese man who has his own ideas regarding the general height of people. Japan, obviously, is not exactly famous for having tall people (compared to the rest of the globe anyways), and, from what I can see, the data on Naruto characters is actually pretty consistent with what can be observed in Japanese population.

(and yes I did google it and it seems like Kishimoto himself is 170 cm tall. so. yeah.)

But now we go onto the fascinating territory of our analysis - people in Iwagakure! Because god fucking dammit do they need to be studied, something weird is happening in Iwa and no one talks about it.

Kishimoto, while writing the manga, did an Araki meme and forgot about Iwagakure's existence, so there's actually a pretty limited number of characters that we need to go over to send ourselves into the Twilight zone!

Let's start with the OG among the OG, the first plot-relevant Iwagakure shinobi that ever appeared in the manga - the three jonins that team Minato encountered during the Kannabi bridge mission!

(yes, these guys' names and stats were given in the second databook)

(yes, it takes 239 CHAPTERS to actually see some Iwa ninja in the manga. it's rough trying to get some lore on Iwa, it's really fucking rough in here, Kishi does not remember they exist)

And during Kakashi Gaiden it seems like Kishimoto did not go completely bonkers when it comes to Iwa shinobi's heights, so these three are actually kinda sensible in that regard? But let's get into details, shall we.

Let's start with Mahiru that was doing the reconnaissance on the invaders near Kannabi bridge

(Mahiru, a brave Iwa jonin, trying to prevent Fourth Shinobi World War from happening by taking out the most prolific war criminal in the next two decades🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡chapter 240)

He is actually 176 cm talls, kinda closer to the lower bound, but nonetheless not that far away from the avarage.

Continuing with these guys, we are now onto the big guy of the group, Taiseki

(seeing his brave comrade's failure, another valiant Iwa shinobi steps in to prevent the Fourth Shinobi World War by not allowing the most prolific war criminal of the following twenty years to continue his existence🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡chapter 242)

Taiseki was a respectable 189 cm tall, and you'd think he'd be one of the more impressive ones in Iwa, but... no. no. just wait.

Finally, we have Kakko, but I like to call him "Now I am become Death, Destroyer of the Worlds" or just simply "canon event"

(seeing all of his comrades fail in face of the most prolific war criminal in the next twenty years, this bold Iwa ninja decides to use the power of gravity to beat the power of friendship, and is now enjoying his well-earned packaged juice🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡chapter 243)

Kakko here is 180 cm tall, which concludes the first three characters that we ever got to see from Iwagakure, and all of them are pretty reasonable when it compared to the rest of the shinobi world, with Taiseki being just a little bit above the upper boundary for adult men, but pretty insignificantly.

And now we are in Shippuden where shit gets wild, because most of the Iwa characters we are introduced to are shown around this part of Naruto's plot.

I will keep the most interesting line of them all - the Tsuchikage family line, because if there is one thing Iwa is better than Konoha it is in how absurdly nepotistic the governance is - till the end, because it's the funniest thing ever, so let's go over everyone else beforehand.

Our first major (ex)Iwagakure character is actually Deidara (who is the reason for this post existing)

(huh, now that's an unfamiliar face to Deidara's right. really makes one wonder who could it be🤔🤔🤔🤔chapter 357) (also Kishimoto fucked up their height difference, Deidara should be around his chin level lol)

Deidara breaks the pattern of normality set by his predecessors back at Kannabi bridge, and now we have a technically adult man at just 166 cm. So. Well. Yeah, he's pretty small. But he did leave the village at around 11 years old, so maybe spending half of his life on the thug life might have affected his growth prospects?

So while we are on the topic of Deidara, let's also talk about the unit he was working while still part of Iwagakure - Explosion Corps. And there was actually another member of Explosion Corps that we are introduced during the plot - Gari

(chapter 515. yeah sorry couldn't find anything better for this guy)

And Gari here is around 174 cm, soooooooooo, still kinda on the lower side, but better than Akatsuki's token femboy, that's for sure, but maybe the lack of nutrients during teenagehood is indeed the problem?

Now here's where the fun begins - Iwagakure has two jinchuriki, Roshi and Han. Let's take a look at how tall they are, and what we see is...

(I realized that these two got a pretty awesome colored page in Minato's oneshot, so here they are. still kinda amazed that Kishimoto in 2023 remembered that Iwa exists)

Roshi here is 149 cm tall.

While Han is 228 cm tall.

Holy fucking shit what the fuck is that. Just how. What. Where DID THIS come from. Should it be mentioned that it's WILDELY away from the norm? Also how the fuck did you manage to get two people in your village with this much of a height gap??? Han is literally 1.5 Roshi????

Okay, things get weird, but surely that won't become a pattern, right?

Now we get to the last non-Tsuchikage/Tsuchikage-blood related shinobi from Iwa, and it's Akatsuchi

(chapter 454)

And Akatsuchi is a big boy. A very big boy. So big that he is in fact exactly 2 meters tall. Also I am looking at the wiki and in Boruto he grew another 12 cm even if in Shippuden he is already 20 years old??????

(like, bro, what the fuck? why do you need another 12 cm?? where did you even get them??? Deidara is forced to scrape at the bottom of the barrel and tying up a shitty ponytail just so people can see him during Akatsuki meetings, while you get 12 cm for free for no reason???? share them with Deidara??????)

Okay, this is becoming bizarre, but maybe Roshi and Deidara are two outliers who just happened to be small, while the rest of the village is likely to be more on the larger side?

And this is where we arrive to the Tsuchikage line.

Mu is the only one amongst four who is not related to the others by blood, so let's get him out of the way

(chapter 547)

He is 173 cm tall, which, okay, fine, technically on the smaller side, but still acceptable.

Now we are finally on what I call poor Kurotsuchi's bloodline, because WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THAT

(chapter 575)

This is Ishikawa, the first Tsuchikage, the founder of Iwagakure, Onoki's grandfather and Kurotsuchi's great-great grandfather. HE IS JUST 145 CM TALL. 145.

THEN WE GET TO ONOKI HIMSELF

(chapter 454. yes I am using the same spread for Onoki, Kurotsuchi and Akatsuchi)

AND GUESS WHAT. HE IS ONLY 130 CM. ONE FUCKING METER AND THIRTY CENTIMETERS.

AND NOW WE GO TO KITSUCHI, KUROTSUCHI'S FATHER AND (HOPEFULLY) ONOKI'S SON-IN-LAW (BECAUSE OTHERWISE KISHIMOTO SOMEHOW ROBBED US OF THE INSANE IWA LORE ABOUT HOW ONOKI MARRIED AN ACTUAL 3 METER GIANTESS)

(chapter 515)

AND WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT. KITSUCHI IS 217 MOTHERFUCKING CENTIMETERS TALL.

AND AFTER ALL OF THAT WE FINALLY COME TO POOR KUROTSUCHI WHO HAS ALL OF THAT IN HER GENE POOL

(god I fucking love Iwa uniforms. she fucking slayed so hard in it. she ate and left no crumbs.)

And against all fucking odds she made it to 164 cm. Which. Honestly. Good god girl that's the best outcome you could have hoped for.

And that's how our "wtf is wrong with Iwa in terms of height" posts comes to a close. I hope you had fun going ape shit at the random assortment of facts regarding these guys. I sure went insane.

Moral of the story: don't bully Deidara for his height. He's trying his best. There's probably a halfling up in his family tree. He and Kurotsuchi are fighting an uphill battle against the genetics. Likely all kids born during the Third Shinobi World War do. They probably didn't get fed that much as toddlers. Except for Akatsuchi. That guy probably steals bits of vertebrae from his classmates and teammates.

[belphe-comms]

Under the Heartwood Arch ~

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Deidara stepped forward, playful, and caught Kurotsuchi’s wrist, cutting off any possibility of escape. With a firm grip, he held her fast, while his other hand toyed with the turquoise ribbon that decorated the young woman’s chignon. His skilled fingers turned the colorful silk as if appreciating every detail of the adornment she had chosen. His lips stretched into a mischievous smile, and his gaze shone with an eager, almost predatory glint. He leaned in closer and closer, until Kurotsuchi could feel his breath brushing her skin, a nearness that sent her into turmoil.

The dark-haired kunoichi stood stiffly, torn between embarrassment and irritation. Her cheeks flushed against her will, the warmth spreading through her entire body under Deidara’s intense stare. To avoid meeting his piercing blue eyes, she turned hers slightly away, focusing on some distant, imaginary point in an attempt to compose herself. But his grip kept her tethered, pulling her inevitably closer to him.

Resolute in her effort to create some distance, Kurotsuchi extended her index finger from the hand he still held captive, pressing it gently but firmly beneath Deidara’s chin—a subtle push to fend off this dizzying closeness. In her other hand, she clutched a fan, still but poised to intervene if needed.

“Why are you staring at me like that, idiot?” she murmured, her voice colored with a mix of defiance and unease.

Deidara arched a brow, clearly entertained by her attempt to resist.

“I’m not used to seeing you in this kind of outfit, hm,” he retorted, his tone mocking, his words punctuated by a sly wink. “I’m just admiring the effort.”

He gave the turquoise ribbon a small tug, letting it fall momentarily before picking it back up again. His fingers played with the fabric like a curious cat, toying with it with teasing grace. Kurotsuchi felt her heart race at his almost provocative gestures, his infuriating closeness, and that maddening smile that refused to waver even in the face of her discomfort. She tightened her hold on the fan’s handle, making an effort to appear calm, though every fiber of her being screamed her to escape his intoxicating grasp.

“If you don’t stop, I’ll push you into the water,” she warned, her tone sharp, though her eyes remained averted as she tried to conceal her unease behind a show of irritation.

Deidara’s laughter burst forth, ringing out brightly in the stillness of the night. Though he eventually let go of the ribbon, he kept her wrist in his grasp, loosening his hold just enough to allow her a glimpse of freedom without truly granting it. His gaze, though still alight with amusement, softened into something more genuine as he regarded her.

“You’re so cute when you blush, Kurotsuchi, hm,” he murmured softly.

She finally looked up, attempting to mask her embarrassment with a glare that aimed to be fierce but was undercut by the red flush on her cheeks.

"Stop talking nonsense, you idiot! Are the fireflies making you lose your mind by hitting you on the head or what?!"

Deidara chuckled again, this time more softly, and finally released her wrist. Yet before she could move back, he leaned even closer, his face just inches from hers.

“Maybe,” he whispered, his tone lower and more intimate, “or maybe it’s your fault I’m losing my head, hmm?”

Kurotsuchi instinctively leaned back, though a faint, amused smile tugged at her lips. Raising her fan, she gave him a light push against his chest, her tone caught between scolding and playfulness.

“I swear, Deidara... One of these days, it’ll be you who ends up blushing.”

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Art commissioned from @marii-pily <3 This artist is a source of inspiration for me.

I really love this composition; I visualized it quite easily, but I think the wooden door must have given Marii-Pily a lot of work.

Kurotsuchi's outfit wasn't easy to design. I had planned a completely different design, but it was quite complicated to explain. I also wanted to change up the color palette a bit, but in the end, I always end up using the same color palette for Kurotsuchi’s outfits, haha.

Thanks again to Marii-Pily for this amazing work. I love it with all my heart.

The fanfic texts I associate with the illustrations are fairly simple (because I normally love writing descriptions) but they're complicated to translate into English (although I help myself a lot and check with the translator), but I hope I've done well.

✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷

The alternate version:

✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷ ~ ✷

Reupload, use, and edit are prohibited!

[thena0315]

Making their exits in the snow

Episode 206

[nat-but-free]

my take on little Deidara

[narutwitter]

[sanrio-gyal]

౨ৎ

[emiliyaolafsen]

I don't know if Mayuri's skin is really dark or not, but that's my headcanon 🫡

[theylovevenus]

Do y’all still remember my Scott Pilgrim au? Well here’s who Gideon would be; solely based on this passage from Shikamaru Shinden where it sounds like Kurotsuchi REALLYYY wants Temari to have an affair