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stephnbrenny · 2 years ago

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Past Secrets:

A Captain Swan story

Past Secrets

Chapter 1: Camelot

The ball King Arthur had held for us was just ending as everyone was leaving, it was about 2am. I was sharing a bed chamber with Regina, while my parents were sharing one and Robin and Killian were sharing one. Belle and Zelena were sharing a bed chamber, Granny, Henry and the dwarfs were bunking together. I was in my room getting ready for bed. I had just put on the nightdress provided by Queen Guinevere, as I sat down to brush out my hair Regina walked in and said, “change of plans Emma, I'm not sleeping in here, I'm going to join Robin in his room with him.” Then she walked out and before I had a moment to process what she had said I heard the door across the hall close followed by a long sigh. I went to open the door and looked out to find Killian in the hallway. He looked unsure of what to do with being kicked out of his bedroom. I asked, “Do you want to sleep in here with me?” He started blushing and looked down before finally meeting my eyes and said “are you sure swan? I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.” I answered with “Nonsense, I'm not about to let you sleep out here in the hallway now, am I?” “What about your parents? What will they think?” he said. “Who cares? I'm a grown woman and I'd rather share a bed with you than Regina anyway” he answered, “well if your absolutely sure swan, plus I know your dying to get me into bed aren't you”. I laughed, this man and his sexual innuendos.

I went back into my room with Killian following closely behind me and walked back over to the bed to finish brushing my hair. As I started brushing my hair Killian proceeded to unbuttoning the shirt he was wearing and all I could do was stare, God this man was gorgeous, and he was all mine. I swallowed the lump in my throat as he smirked at me noticing my reaction to his now half naked body. “See something you like swan?” I started blushing and tried to look anywhere but his eyes but failed. I just got lost inside those deep blue eyes. They were like looking into the sparkling ocean on a hot summer day, and the way he looked at me like I was the only thing he could see, gives me chills. I looked back up at him through my lashes and said, “You know I do” He smiled at that. He suddenly looked slightly nervous, so I asked, “Something wrong?” “No... I just... Umm... I usually sleep naked.” I had no clue how to respond to that. I wasn’t a blushing innocent princess by no means, I have a child. But me and Killian haven’t gone that far yet, not that I didn’t want to. I think about it all the time, I definitely want to. I’m pretty sure my eyes bugged out of my head. I realized I had been staring at the bulge in his pants where his dick was when he started speaking. “It’s okay I will just sleep in my pants, no big deal. He then proceeded to climbing onto the bed and pulling off his shoes and socks, I put my hand on his shoulder to get his attention before saying “no you don’t have to, if you usually sleep naked that’s fine, plus you’ll be more comfortable without. I doubt sleeping in leather pants is comfortable.” He zoned out while he processed what I had said, I gave him time to do what he was most comfortable with. He finally answered with “Okay swan if, you're sure.”

I started fiddling with the hairbrush in my hands, Killian noticed and asked “May I brush your hair for you swan? "I hadn’t realized that he wanted to do that kind of thing for me, it was sweet, I felt myself falling even harder for this man. “Sure” He picked up the brush from my hand and scooted behind me with me in between his legs and began brushing my hair. It was nice, moments like this where you don’t need words. The silence was nice for once. Ever since I took in the darkness it had been nonstop voices in my head. I noticed whenever I was with Killian for the most part the voices were silent occasionally, I could hear them and see them. Killian finally broke silence “How have you been feeling with the darkness and stuff? I hadn’t really thought about it, how did I feel? “Umm... okay I guess, I don’t know how I should feel. He’s there inside my head basically all the time trying to guide me and tell me what I want or all least what the darkness wants. Every time I use dark magic it's there egging me on showing me how much I enjoy it... I don’t know what to do to be honest.” I found its times like this where I can be truly honest with someone without fear of judgment. I trust Killian and I know no matter what is going on he will always be there for me; he will always want what's best for me. He just kept listening, never pushing me to go on, just waited patiently while he brushed my hair. “He’s not usually around with you, it’s like you are a mental block with the darkness or something, it’s nice, quiet.”

He smiled shyly; I smiled back. It was staring into his amazingly blue eyes I knew I truly meant when I told him I loved him back before I took in the darkness. At the time I didn’t know how I really felt, yeah, I loved him but never to this scale, never so easily. I honestly couldn’t imagine life without him, and I hope I never have to. “I love you” I whispered while looking deeply into his eyes. “I love you too swan” then he leaned in and kissed me, one hand in my hair and his hook around my waist hairbrush forgotten. I started deepening the kiss, letting him in, our tongues wrestling for dominance, his winning in the process before he finally pulled away from me leaving both of us gasping for breath. “Well on that note its late perhaps we should go to bed love” I was tired now that he mentioned it. “Alright” I got up and picked up the hairbrush from where it fell on the bed to the bathroom where it belonged. When I returned, I noticed Killian had moved under the covers and was lying down. The lamp on his side was off but his eyes were on mine the whole time, watching to see what I'd do next.

I got into bed joining him under the covers, I turned off my lamp and laid down as well. I tried to sleep on my side of the bed away from him, but it was too cold, and I found myself almost instinctively migrating to his side of the bed, I laid my head on his chest almost laying on top of him, my leg between his and my hand resting over his heart. “Mm this is nice, you're so warm” he laughed at that. “Anything to be close to you my love” he then kissed my forehead and my nose. When he pulled away, he just stared into my eyes for what felt like forever finally, I couldn’t take the anticipation any longer. I grabbed him with one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hair and leaned in for a passionate kiss. This one was different, deeper, full of longing and desperation, straight up need. It continued like for what felt like hours, I moved my hand from his shoulder to his collarbone, chest, abs, till I reached my destination between his legs. I grabbed his member with my hand and stroked him lightly, need pooling in my core. He gasped as he thrusted into my hand and threw his head back in pleasure. “Fuck... Swan” I loved hearing how I was making him feel “You like that captain?” he nodded unable to from words due to my relentless fisting his cock with my hand till finally and groaned very loud bucking uncontrollably “swan if you don’t stop, I'm going to cum and I want to be inside you when I cum.” As much as I would enjoy watching him fall apart like this id enjoy it more with him inside me. “Well, what are you waiting for captain?” Then in a move I definitely did not expect I found myself underneath him with his hand resting beside my head and his hook around my thigh. He thrusted his fully erect cock into my clothed core, pressing hard against my clit. I had to bite my lip to keep the moan that was threatening to be let out. “You like that princess?” he said while he did that sexy eyebrow lift that he knew I found incredibly sexy. “You know I do” I barely managed to say. He then managed to do a few more thrusts against my core, each thrust more forceful than the last.

He then started kissing down my body when he got to the strings that held my nightdress together at my chest, he paused and looked up at me waiting for my permission, I nodded knowing exactly what he wanted. Then, while still looking at me through his lashes he grabbed the loose knot with his teeth and pulled the dress opening and falling to the side. He continued his explorations of my body, he paused at my chest kissing, licking and nipping at my breast before taking my nipple in his mouth and sucking as he used his hand to play with my other breast. He continued by repeating the process with my other nipple, unable to control the gasps and moans falling from my lips. I was suddenly glad my parents and henry were sleeping on the other side of the castle. Killian moved down my body making sure to leave kisses and love bites on every inch of my skin. When he reached my panties, he didn’t hesitate before taking one side with his teeth and the other with his hook, dragging them down my body while looking into my eyes. When they reached my knees, I kicked them the rest of the way off them landing who knows where. I sat up and threw the nightdress over the bed onto the floor as well. As I laid back down, he stayed on his knees looking down and me a look of awe on his face. “You’re beautiful swan, absolutely perfect”. I felt myself melting under his gaze, in the past I felt the need to keep as many clothes on as possible. I felt vulnerable without the clothes, I found myself nervous of being naked. Killian could read me like an open book though “hey look at me Emma, we don’t have to do this if you're not ready, I will never push you love.” This man was constantly going my pace, doing what I needed. It was time for me to let go, I love Killian and I know he’d never hurt me my heart pulsed with the amount of love I felt for this man.

With that being said I pulled him down to me and locked our lips in a bruising kiss. He groaned into the kiss; I could feel his need against my thigh. I wrapped my legs around his hips pulling him closer, his hard cock against my core. I could feel myself dripping onto his cock. He started thrusting teasing me with his cock, coating himself with my juices. “You’re dripping love, so wet for me” I moaned into his mouth loudly. He leaned back a little lining himself up with my entrance, then he looked at me and asked, “are you sure swan?” I almost scoffed before immediately saying “Killian fuck me please” Killian raised his eyebrow and said “as you wish” before thrusting fully into me in one thrust. He was much bigger than I was anticipating, well above average. I could feel myself stretching to accommodate his massive length. He stayed still for a moment giving me time to adjust. “Killian you can try moving now, just start slow” he did as I asked giving me gentle thrusts. It did hurt slightly but nothing I couldn’t handle, just a slight burning sensation that eventually was replaced with pleasure. I’m guessing he could tell by the look on my face when the pain was replaced with pleasure cause suddenly gentle Killian went out the window and he began fucking me into oblivion. I was already so close, and we had just started, I had never been with a man that was able to make me cum this quick. I tried to hold off but when he started kissing the spot behind my ear, I was done for. My back arched off the bed and the lights started flickering off and on as I went through wave after wave of sweet extasy.

As he helped me come down with slower thrusts, giving me time to catch my breathing he said, “you are beautiful when you cum”. I scoffed “I bet you say that to all the girls” with a raised eyebrow he said, “nope just you my love” that made me smile “alright now it’s my turn” and I hooked my leg around his calf and grabbed his shoulders and with a move I wasn’t sure I'd be able to pull off I was suddenly on top, and he was beneath me. I started slowly kissing down his body starting at his collar then nipping at his nipples. I kept traveling down his body leaving love bites on every inch of skin I could reach. Once I got down to his fully erect cock, I licked him base to tip lingering at the tip for a bit. I took the tip into my mouth teasing him with my tongue before taking him fully into my mouth till he reached the back of my throat, I gagged slightly over his bigger than average size. I went back to pay more attention to his tip dragging moans out of him. “Oh... Fuck Swan” I slip him out of my mouth before answering “you like that captain?” “Mm you know I... do” I go to lick the underside of his cock with my tongue all the way down to his balls and Killian makes a strangled noise in the back of his throat. I take him back into my mouth again, hollowing my cheeks and sucking with more pressure, rising and falling to pull him deeper and then release him. Killian then taps me on my shoulder, and I release him and look up at him. “Come here, I can’t wait any longer as amazing as your mouth feels, I want to cum inside you.” “Well, I think that can be arranged” I moved back up his body, my legs on either side of his hips.

I grabbed him and gave him a few gentle strokes before lining him up and sinking down on him. I started moving at a slow pace just so I could get used to the feeling of having him inside me. I placed my hands on his chest, toying with his chest hair while I bounced on his cock. He was moaning and groaning mostly my name with other words I couldn’t make out. I then started speeding up giving him as much as I had, he had his hook on one hip and his good hand on the other rocking into me as hard as he could, chasing his pleasure. I could see it in his face. He was so close, as was I. I threw my head back in pleasure chasing the high. “Emma look at me” caught my attention, I looked down at him and saw so much love swirling in his eyes. With that look I gave myself over to the blinding orgasm, wave after wave of ecstasy. He then groaned very loudly at the feeling of my orgasm. I felt him harden then and pulse inside me as he gave into his orgasm. I milked him for everything he was worth. Then I collapsed onto his chest, both of us gasping for breath. Then I rolled off him but turned onto my side facing him and he was on his side facing me. There were no words needed between us our eyes said enough for us, he knew how I felt. I had been with several men before one-night stands and of course Neal but never anything like this. Sure, Killian was obviously a very skilled lover, he had definitely gotten around being a pirate and all, and there was the fact that he was over 300 years old he had experience. This though somehow felt different, more, deeper. The way he looked at me I felt like he could see into the depths of my very soul, and I his. Then I scooted closer and placed my head on his chest, he placed his arms around me and his chin on my head. My last thought before falling asleep was how much I love this man.

#captainswan #ouat #emmaswan #killianjones #killian x emma #snow x charming #regina x robin

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cs-and-bellarke · 2 years ago

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Life of Me

Ao3, FF

Background: Emma had a bad relationship and after about 2 months her friends thought she should go out to a party but there is the thing Emma hates parties, she ends up seeing Killian there but looses him when the football team takes him away. by the time it was time to go all her friends were drunk a hell so she ends up finding Killian and taking him along with the rest of her friends the her house. time goes on and she didn't know how to tell him that she loved him. will she or will she find a way to move on?

Emma’s P.O.V

Ugh, parties, I hate them with every part of my soul but I am only going for Ruby, Regina, Robin, and Mary because they asked me too. Sometimes I hate the things I do for my friends and what they do not do for me in return, I’m going so they don’t get into trouble and so someone can take them home. I get ready and I regret ever agreeing to go to this stupid ass party, ugh, what the hell is wrong with me that I have to be such a good friend.

“Em you ready to go?” Ruby asked me.

“No but we can leave, I guess,” I tell her.

“Emma I know you don’t want to go but you know how me, Regina, and Mary get when we start drinking”

“Yeah I know that’s why I am going, so you guys don’t get into trouble”

“You are truly a good friend”

“I know”

We leave and we go to pick up the others and I know that I am going to regret ever coming but as I said before was that I am only doing it for my friends. After we picked the others up we headed over to the party that I know once I entered, I would want to leave, I just don’t know what I am going to do at the party since I don’t even want to be there.

Killian’s P.O.V

Normally I like parties but when your friends force you to come because you have been...I don’t know what to call it...maybe different then normal and you have no choice but to go because it will make your friends happy and what the hell do you gotta lose. One person I am hoping I don’t see there is one of my closest friends that I have recently realized I have feelings for, and if she’s there and I’m drinking I don’t know what I’ll say or do.

I don’t think she will be there because I know for a fact that she hates parties and she will never go to one unless her friends ask her too and hopefully her friends won’t. I am known as a jock and Emma is known as a normal girl but to me she is a blonde beauty and nothing compares to her, I want to tell her how I feel but she just got out of a relationship that was very very toxic. I will be there for her and I just have to wait and see if anything happens with us and if I end up saying something to her tonight (if she comes to the party) then I can’t hide it.

I get a call and it’s my friend Robin.

Phone Call

“Hello?” I asked him.

“Hey are you at the party yet?” Robin asked me.

“No, I’m about to leave”

“Okay I’ll see you there”

End of call

That was a very short conversation but we will see if I end up saying something I will either regret or it will end up being the best damn thing to ever happen to me. I get in my car and start driving to the party and I know I’m most likely going to stay the night there because I am going to be drinking and I don’t want to end up getting arrested oor into a wreck.

I arrive at the party and Rabin, Regina, Ruby, and Mary are the first people I see when I walk into the house, Robin greets me with Regina by his side, then I see locks of beautiful blonde hair in the kitchen. After I walked away I went over to the woman who owns the beautiful blonde locks, and I couldn’t help but smile and be happy that she was here.

“Hey Swan,” I say to her with a smile.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were going to be here” she says with the prettiest smile I have ever seen.

“Yea Robin and a few of the other guys made me come, I didn’t want to. I’m surprised to see you here”

“Well because I am such a good friend I am here to keep an eye on Robin, Mary, Regina, and Ruby and then drive them home”

“Either I’m staying here for the night or I have to find someone to take me home”

“I could take you,” She says to me.

“No you don’t have to do that” I say to her.

“I’m doing it for our friends anyway”

She is offering to drive me home and I don’t understand how she could be so sweet and willing to drive me home even when I didn’t do anything to have her help me out but I’ll take it. I got pulled away from Emma by the Football team and when I looked back at her she was gone…huh I wonder where she went?

Later

My vision started to get very blurry and I started seeing shapes the next thing I knew I was in a car.

Emma’s P.O.V

Within about an hour and a half I had to drag all of my friends into the car and drive them home, I didn’t want to drive all of them home so I just took them all to my house. About half way through the drive Killian woke up, he was still tipsy but better than he was, god why does he have to look so cute.

“Where am I?” Killian asked as he sat up a little bit.

“In my car on our way to my house, here drink some water” I say to him as I hand him a water bottle.

“How long was I out?”

“About 20 minutes, we’re almost to my house where all of you guys will be staying until you are 100% sober”

“I didn’t think I drank that much”

“Well I lost track of you when the football team took you away and I ended up finding you passed out on the lawn chair” I explained to him.

“Oh god, did I say something stupid?” he asked me,

“No but you said how pretty I was”

“Well that is true”

We pull up to my house and I end up getting everyone inside with the help from Killian, I was surprised he could help me at all but he said he was sober enough to at least help me. I put the girls in the guest room and the boys in the living room and I told Killian he could come in my room if he wanted to because I didn’t think he would want to spend the rest of the night with the boys in the living room. He said okay and we went to my room after getting some water and after he went to the bathroom. Thank god my foster parents are not home because I would most likely get screamed at because I was home so late and the fact I brought all my friends home drunk as hell.

Killian’s P.O.V

I come out of the bathroom and go into Emma’s room, she is looking at something and once she heard me she put whatever she was looking at away. It was strange but I wasn’t about to question her about it because it is really none of my business and if she wants to tell me she will.

At this point in time everyone in town knows what happened between Neal and Emma, it was sad and when I found out it pissed me off to where I beat the shit out of him (Emma doesn’t know I did that) and Emma believes that he was beaten up by a gang from out of town. He took advantage of her because she was one of those people that once she loves you it is really hard for her to leave, they were on and off a lot but she always went back to him because she loved him. He would slap her everytime she did something he didn’t like or when another man looked at her but it got worse as time went on (btw he is in juvey and when he turns 18 he will be going to prison). She did everything she could to make him happy but no matter what Emma did nothing was good enough for that son of a bitch, me and the gang tried to get her to leave him and she almost did but then backed out. My question is how could you do that to a person as sweet and kind as Emma or anyone in that matter, he did a lot more than just hit her; he started beating her whenever he got pissed off and she couldn’t stop him. She would come to school with bruises and sprained arms and legs, she said she just fell but we knew what was going on and we used to tell him to stop and to leave. That would make it worse for her though so we had to stop doing that.

Emma Swan deserves the world and Neal never got close to giving her that and I wish he did or I wish she never went back to him over and over again but she couldn’t help it and I understand that to a point. She just loves so much that I think one day that will be her downfall unless she finds the right person, do I wish it was me…yes but that’s not the point. Neal even would force her to do things she never wanted to do and that made something in me snap when she finally told me that he was doing that to her, no matter what she did she couldn’t get away or make him stop so she just did what he told her. That brings us to the reason why she hates parties so much because he used to force her to go to parties and let his friends do whatever they wanted, so now when there is a party she doesn’t want to go.

“Hey you feeling okay?” she asked me which snapped me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah just still a little bit tipsy is all, so I basically have no filter” I explained to her.

“At least you’re not as bad as the rest”

“Have you been avoiding me?” I asked her out of nowhere.

“Why would you think that?” She asked me.

“Lately you have been…distant”

“Well I did just get out of a really bad relationship and you guys are always hanging around a lot of people”

“I know you just got of a really bad relationship about 2 months ago, I was there remember…I just get really worried about you”

“I’m okay, and I know you were the one to beat the living shit out of him, I’m not happy that you did but I understand why you did and he did deserve it but I wish you were not the one who did”

“How did you know it was me?”

“Did you really think that I believed that he got beat by a gang out of town, I know you and he kept looking at you like you were going to kill him…I just put the pieces together” she says.

“Well do you blame me, he hurt you and what was I supposed to do, just stand there no once I found out everything that he had done I snapped and I don’t regret what I did to him” I say to her.

All she did was look at me and then she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me as tight as she could, of course I hugged her back and I felt my heart start beating quicker, I just hope she can’t hear it. “I know you did it to protect me but you didn’t have to” she whispers to me.

“You really think that I didn’t have to…as soon as I found out what he did to you all I needed to do was make sure I hear his neck break in my hand and I almost did, but when his neck was in my hand your voice popped in my head and so I release my grip and I let him live even though he should be dead. I didn’t care if I went to prison or anything. All I cared about was making sure he couldn’t hurt you again so I made him fear for his life and then I made him turn himself in for everything he had done to you” I said to her.

“Why would you do that for me?”

“Because I care for you, you’re my friend, well your my best friend…don’t tell Robin”

“You were the first person I told about Neal hurting me, not Ruby or Regina or even Robin, you because I knew you would hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay and I for some fucking reason trust you the most. Neal did a lot of damage on me and yet you didn’t and don't treat me any different then you did before”

“Why would I treat you any differently, it didn’t change who you are, it happened to you. It doesn’t mean we stop treating you like we always have because you are still you”

“See you get it but I don’t think the rest of our friends understand like you do, I wish that they would but I can’t talk to them like I can with you” she explains to me.

She is so sad and it breaks my heart and I hate that I am the only one who understands her but at the same time I’m glad it is me, I remember the night I met her that’s when my whole life changed. She was the new girl and the guys from the team were teasing her so I came over and told the guys to leave her alone because she was new, that was the first day of our now amazing friendship. Of course I want to be more than friends with Emma but I am not the person who would screw up a friendship just to make myself happy, I can’t.

She is a pearl and beautiful human being and I can’t believe someone would hurt her the way Neal did and I want to kill him that’s it, that is all there is to it is that I want to hear his neck break in my hand so I know he can’t ever hurt Emma again or anyone else.

“Why did you become friends with me?” she asked me.

“What do you mean why did I become friends with you?” I asked her.

“I was the new girl and you stood up for me, why?”

“Because those guys were dicks and you reminded me of my mother when she was younger, before she died”

“I remind you of Alice?”

“Yes you do, you have her spirit and fire and passion, I have never met anyone who reminds me of her as much as you do”

She smiles at me and points to the side of her for me to lay down next to her, at this point it is about 4am and knowing Emma she is not going to be able to sleep thank god it is a weekend and not a weekday because me and her both will be asleep until the late afternoon tomorrow. I lay down next to her and wrapped my arms around her and it made me happy to feel her in my arms; we ended up falling asleep within about 3 minutes and my dreams were filled with the beautiful Swan that is in my arms.

Emma’s P.O.V *later that afternoon*

I woke up in Killian’s arms and that feeling was the best but nothing can happen because I have just gotten out of a relationship that was very bad and abusive and so I am not ready for anything romantic with anybody. I care so much for Killian but nothing can happen even though I want to be with him, yes I want to be with Killian I have always wanted to be with him ever since I met him but then I met Neal and my life went to shit. I should have never gone out with Neal but he was charming and sweet at first and I kept getting back together with him because he would tell me he was going to change and I would believe him like an idiot. I also loved him with all my heart and yes I regret loving him but that’s the truth that I loved him and it is because I loved him I kept going back to him. Yes I am 17 years old and this all happened within 2 years because I started dating him when I was almost 16 but I was still 15 and he was 16, he was a year older and I wish I never went out with him…I wish I never met Neal.

Killian is 3 months older than me and he sometimes treats me like I am younger than him but he does it jokingly but still it’s only 3 months. He is the one I look forward to seeing first thing in the morning every morning, he has become my best friend within the first couple weeks of knowing him. I met him in freshman year of high school and now we are seniors, we are planning to go to the same college but I don’t know if he will end up going to a different one then me. I am planning on going to the university of Boston and Killian says that he wants to go there with me but there are other schools wanting him because of his football. He is my best friend that maybe one day he can be more than that, of course I see him as more than just my best friend but as I said I am just not ready.

They say everybody wants to love and wants to be loved but I believe there are some people who just wants to hurt and kill the love they have inside them. I believe that there are some people out there that only want to cause people harm for their own pleasure because they are sick in the head. When I am ready to be with someone the first thing I will want is to tell Killian how I feel and hope and pray that he feels the same for me. That’s all I really can do.

*The summer before college*

The gang and I have finally graduated and I am so happy to finally be going to college in a couple months. I haven’t told Killian how I feel about him and I am not sure I should because if I do then I believe I would make him regret and I don’t want to do that. I was sitting in my room packing for college and going down to Regina’s beach house for the summer, everyone was going to be there…even Killian. I was excited to spend the summer with him but at the same time part of me wants to get over the love I have for him and maybe try and be in a relationship again…I just don’t want to ruin his life. My foster parents told me I could still stay with them even after I turned 18 but I think they were just being nice because if I could then why didn’t they ever adopt me, that was the question I always wondered was why they never even brought up the thought of adopting me. But that doesn’t matter, what does matter is that I am going to college and hopefully with Killian, that is my dream.

I finish packing and I go down stairs where my foster mother is making lunch, all she does is smile at me and then goes over to the living room where my foster brother was. I will soon be in Boston and hopefully I will be with Killian, I love my foster family but I just don’t think they love me as much as they say because they never adopted me. Regina and Ruby will be going to college in Boston with me and I think Robin is going to as well. Robin knows how I feel about Killian and he really wants me to tell him because he says that Killian feels the same for me but I don’t believe that. An hour goes by and I then put all my suitcases in the car that Robin had helped me buy when I got my driver’s license, and I was ready to go down to the beach house for the summer and then finally leave this town.

This town has given me some of the worst and best times of my life but it is time to finally say goodbye and move on with my life and hopefully be happy with someone…with Killian. I get in my car and drive with the only thoughts of the future, me and my friends at college and me starting a career that I love and hopefully finding love that drives my crazy to the point that I can’t think, I can’t focus, I can’t do anything, I can’t even live without them…and I think I already found the love part. Killian has been one of the best things to ever come out of living in this town, he was there for me when I needed him and he was always there to make me laugh, he was there when I didn’t have a date to prom and he came as mine for the night, he has always been there for me.

It takes a couple hours but I pull into the driveway of the summer home and I know that Robin and Regina are already here because his car is here and I know that he drove her here. I get out of the car and take my bag out then I go up to the door and knock, when I thought Regina was going to open the door to my surprise it was a girl I didn’t know. “Can I help you?” she asks.

“Yeah who are you?” I asked her as kindly as I could.

“The names Milah and who the hell are you”

“Emma, why are you here?”

“I was invited”

Robin then comes to the door, hugs me and then lets me inside, I put my bags in the room I would be staying in. I felt someone staring at me in the doorway and I knew it was Robin. “What’s on your mind Em?” He asks.

“Nothing, I’m fine” I say to him as I put my clothes away.

“You and I both know that’s not true”

“Who is that woman?”

“I don’t know her that well, Killian brought her”

I look away from Robin trying to hide the fact that my heart just broke that Killian brought another woman. And I know I have no right to feel heartbroken about anything but I do and I hate that I do because he has the right to date and be with whoever he wants. “I didn’t think Killian was here yet” I say to him trying to ignore the pain in my chest.

“Yeah, he parked his car on the side of the house, he’s out back if you want to say hi” he says. I don’t say anything and continue to look down at the floor hoping Robin will get the hit and go away so I can cry in peace. “Emma what’s wrong?”

“You know damn well what’s wrong Robin”

“I told you that you needed to tell him how you felt about him”

“And I told you that it was going to fucking blow up in my face anyway, If I had told him it would have been a lot worse”

“I can’t confirm if they are together but what I can tell you is that he is out back if you want to go and see him” Robin says to me.

“And say what to him?” I asked him.

“Emma he is your best friend besides me and Regina, if you don’t go and see him then he will know that something is wrong” I hate it but he is right, of course he’s right…he’s always right. “Emma I care about you and I know Killian cares about you, so just be honest please”

“Maybe” I say. He nods and leaves closing the door behind him, I bring my legs up to my chest and start crying. I know I have no right to cry over someone that was never mine but I can’t help it…I love him.

Killian’s P.O.V

I had arrived at the house a few hours early because I wanted Milah to meet everybody. Milah is a girl that I have been seeing for about 2 weeks now and it’s going great other than the fact that I am still in love with Emma, but I know she will never see me like that so I have to move on at some point. I didn’t know that Emma had arrived until Robin said that she was and that she locked herself in her room. I wonder what was wrong.

Everyone had arrived at the house and we all sat down for dinner…well everyone but Emma, what in the world is going on. Time went on and I couldn’t pay attention to anyone because I was so worried about Emma, why haven’t I seen her, why has she locked herself in her room, why hasn’t she come and see me? All these questions I couldn’t answer unless I spoke to her.

As everyone went to bed including Milah I stayed up pacing down stairs trying to figure out what was wrong with Emma, how I would go up and see her, and what I would say to her. Just as I thought I was alone Robin appeared “You alright man?” he asked me.

“Not really” I say to him as I am still pacing.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s Emma”

“What about her”

“I’m worried about her, she didn’t come to me when she got here and she has been in her room this entire time, she didn’t even come down to eat”

“Then go talk to her,” he says.

“I don’t even know what to say to her,” I explained to him as I stopped pacing.

“Tell her how you feel”

That caught me off guard, did he know how I felt about Emma or is he just telling me to tell her how I feel about her isolating herself. “What do you mean tell her how I feel?”

“Tell her that you love her and don’t even try to tell me that you don’t because we both know that you do”

“I can’t, it will ruin our friendship and I can’t do that”

“If anything what it’s not going to do if you tell her is ruin anything except maybe your relationship with Milah” he says. “She loves you and you are the only one who can fix her”

“She doesn’t love me Robin” I say, turning away from him.

“Then go prove me wrong”

Why does he have to do that makes me want to prove him wrong so I go do what I was having trouble doing in the first place.

I found myself standing in front of Emma's bedroom debating whether or not to knock but then I didn’t knock and I just opened the door, I saw her in a ball on her bed, her nose red from what looked like tears, asleep. I didn’t want to wake her or bother her but at the same time I was so worried about her. I just stood there watching her, happy to know she was breathing, scared because I don’t know what is wrong, and sad because she is sad or upset about something. I enter the room and neel down next to her bed, watching as she moves in her sleep from a dream and it sounds creepy but I wasn’t trying to be. All of the sudden she starts screaming and I am guessing it’s because she is having a nightmare and then she starts to talk…”Please…I’ll do anything, just leave him alone” she says breathlessly, she then starts screaming.

“Swan wake up…Emma” I say to try to wake her up. She then shoots up from being startled awake screaming in panic “Swan it’s okay, you’re okay” I say to her trying to calm her down.

“Killian?” she asks.

“Yeah it’s me, are you alright”

“Just a nightmare…what are you doing in here?”

“I was worried about you, you didn’t come to me when you got here, you didn’t come down for dinner, what’s wrong and don’t say nothing because I know that something is”

“It’s nothing Killian, I’m fine”

“You’re not fine Emma, why didn’t you come see me when you got here? Did I do something?” I asked her.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just…” she starts to say.

“It’s what?” She looks away to shield her face from me and then she looks down as if she was ashamed of something. “Emma it’s what?” I push a little bit to get her to tell me.

“You don’t get it”

“What don’t I get please tell me”

“It’s nothing, can you please just leave”

‘First you won’t tell me what’s wrong and now you’re kicking me out”

“Just leave”

I don’t know why she is doing this but what I do know is that she is trying to protect her heart but I don’t know from what. The wall that she had when I first met her that took me a bloody hell of a long time to knock down is coming back up and I don’t know why…something is wrong and it’s scaring me. “Emma please talk to me” I say as I try to take her hand in mine.

“Why, you can’t help even if I did tell you” she says.

“How do you know that if you don’t tell me”

“Because I just know”

“How? Tell me how you know…you can’t because you know I am right and every excuse you try to make won’t work because you don’t know if I can help unless you tell me what is going on” I explain to her.

“I can’t tell you,” she says.

“And why is that?”

“Because I can’t” I want to scream because I hate to see her upset but when she will not tell me what is wrong then I can’t help her and I really want to help her that’s all I want. “You should go, you should be with your girlfriend,” she says.

“Is that what this is about…Milah?” I asked her. Why would she be upset that I was seeing someone…Milah’s not my girlfriend but we weren’t friends either. “Are you jealous of her?”

“Why would I be jealous of her?”

“I don’t know…you tell me”

“I’m not jealous of her”

“Yes you are, why?”

“You don’t get it,” she says.

“Then explain it to me, please”

“Even if I did it wouldn’t make a difference”

Emma’s P.O.V

What am I going to tell him? I can’t tell him the truth but as he is in my room standing in front of me asking me to tell him what is going on and why I am being weird all I want to do is tell him everything. He is my best friend (besides Robin and Regina) and not being able to tell him everything…to be able to tell him all that I am feeling and to have him do the same with me is the worst thing. But this is reality and that will never happen and all I am wanting is for Killian to either give me something that will only happen in my dreams or to leave, there is no inbetween. “Killian please just leave me alone” I tell him trying not to break right in front of him.

“Not until you answer me, why are you jealous of her, what does she have to do with you acting so weird and making me worry about you” he asks me.

“I didn’t ask you to worry about me, now leave”

“You didn’t have to ask me to worry about you, the moment I met you I knew that you would have changed my life and you have so tell me what the bloody hell is wrong with you”

“You’re the one that is wrong with me Killian, don’t you get it?”

“What does that mean, Emma please tell me”

“Just go…please” I say to him, wanting him to leave so I can cry in peace.

“Fine I’ll go but I am not giving this up, you’re going to have to talk to me at some point and I’ll be here waiting for you when you do” He says as he leaves my room.

I hate that I am hurting him but what am I supposed to do, if I tell him the truth it will be hurting him anyway because he would have to find a way to let me down without hurting me and you can’t do that so it will just hurt both of us in the long run. I ended up curling up into a ball and crying for a good hour before I passed out again, I wish Killian knew maybe it would be easier but at the same time I think that it might make it worse if he knew so I am not going to tell him anything.

Next day

In the morning I got up and luckily only Robin and Regina were up because I couldn’t handle seeing anyone else this morning. I end up grabbing a bowl of oatmeal and sat down next to Robin hoping to fucking hell he doesn’t ask me about Killian. “Good morning, how did you sleep” he asks.

“Fine” I say.

“Did you talk to Killian last night?” God dammit, he is making me want to punch him in the face.

“Why?”

“I’m just wondering if you got the chance to talk to him yet”

“Yes we did, you happy?”

“What happened”

“Nothing”

With that I put my dishes away and make my way back to my room to cry some more, I don’t know why I am crying so much but what I do know is that I wish I wasn’t…especially over a man who doesn’t even want me.

Later

I leave my room and see everybody in the living room just chatting, I then saw that woman on Killian’s lap and it made my blood boil but I can’t do anything about it, so I grab water and quietly make my way back up stairs but not before Killian saw me. He follows me up to my room calling my name and I say nothing because I have nothing to say to him and I don’t want him to see me cry over something he has no idea that I feel.

“Emma! Please” he says.

“Why, what’s the point? If I tell you the truth about what is wrong it’s not going to change anything so why should I even tell you” I asked him almost breaking out in tears.

“Because I am worried about you, you’re not acting like yourself and it’s scaring me, I hate to see you upset and the fact that your not tell me is worrying me even more” I say nothing not knowing what to say, why does he do this to me, why can’t I act like I am okay when I’m not, why do I love him so much. “Emma please, we tell each other everything” not everything, he doesn’t know everything.

“I don’t” I say kind of under my breath.

“What are you talking about?” he asks.

“I don’t tell you everything, you don’t know everything, and you’re better off that way”

“I don’t understand, what are you talking about”

“I can’t”

“Emma talk to me please”

“I can't,” I say again.

“Please” he asks again.

“I can’t” I whisper. He doesn’t respond this time, instead he walks closer to me making me freeze in my place, he wraps his arms around me pulling me to his chest causing me to hear his heartbeat. It’s steady, strong, calming, and I melt into his arms without realizing it, I feel safe, I feel happy in his arms and I don’t ever want him to let me go. I of course wrap my arms around him as well and we just stand there in the middle of my room with our arms around each other. “I can’t”

“I love you Emma, and I hate seeing you so upset” he says as his arms were still around me.

But him saying this to me causes me to push away from the embrace and look at him in shock “what?” I asked him.

“I’m in love with you Emma”

“You love me?”

“I do”

“What about…”

“Milah? I have been kind of seeing her for the couple weeks but I don’t really like her that much, I love you and only you”

“Why?” I asked him.

“Why do I love you? Emma there are an infinite amount of things and reasons that I love you and there is nothing that I don’t love about you” he says pulling me closer to him.

“How long?”

“Since I met you” I didn’t know what to say, he is saying that he has been in love with me since he met me in freshman year. “Why do you think I almost killed your ex when I found out what he did to you? I was in love with you and I hated what he did to you and I wanted him to pay” once again he pulls me closer to where our lips are almost touching and he whispers “I love you”

I ended up pulling him down to my lips connecting them and man was my whole body on fire. Killian ended up deepening the kiss with passion and love making my body go crazy, and man do I love him so much and I never want to let him go. “I love you too” I said to him as I pulled away but right after I said that he smiled and pulled my lips back to his causing me to laugh.

“Tell me what’s wrong Emma please” he says putting both of his hands on the sides of my face.

“When I got here yesterday she opened the door and I didn’t understand why she was here but Robin came to the door before I…got out of hand. I went up to my room and I knew Robin was behind me and he asked me if I was okay and I had told him I was fine but he knew me better than that and asked me what was going on. I asked him why she was here and who she was and he had told me that she was with you, that’s when all hell broke loose. I started freaking out so I locked myself in my room hoping this summer will just come and go so I can go to school” I explained to him.

“Why were you freaking out?” he asked me.

“Because I am in love with you and the thought of you with her made me want to kill her and then die, Robin told me for years to tell you how I felt but I just couldn’t”

“Wait Robin knew?”

“Yeah, he was the first person I told, why?”

“Because he was the first person I told about having feelings for you”

“So Robin knew we had feelings for each other and didn’t say anything other than try to get us to tell each other” I said.

“That son of a bitch” Killian says with a small smile on his face. “I now need to go speak to Milah and explain to her how deeply in love I am with you…without trying to hurt her in anyway, shape, or form”

With that he kisses me and then leaves my room to I guess go talk to that woman.

Writer’s P.O.V

For the rest of that summer Emma and Killian spent every waking moment together and non waking moments as well; they were so happy with each other that it made the rest of their friends gag. They don’t care, Killian didn’t tell Emma that he would be going to the same college as the rest because he wanted to surprise her, he had made it so that they would be roommates so he thought why not almost give her a heart attack in the process. He knows she will kill him for not telling her but he can’t help but want to see her face when she enters their room and sees him sitting on his bed waiting for her.

The summer was the best one either one of them could have ever thought of, for the first time in a long time Emma was happy and wanted nothing more than Killian Jones. He was her everything and nothing will keep them apart but she thinks that he will be leaving her when they start college so she is wishing the summer doesn’t end.

It’s the end of summer and all her friends had left like a day or so before her because she didn’t want to leave Killian but now he will be leaving her and she hates it, so standing in the airport she is holding onto him for dear life. “Emma I have to go” He says to her.

“Why, why do you have to leave me?” she asks him while still holding on to him for dear life.

“Because I have too, we’ll call, video chat, and I’ll even visit you as much as I can”

“Promise?”

“I promise”

With that he disappeared into the gate and her heart left with him, she already misses him so much and he just left. Emma goes home and finishes packing because she has to be back at the airport bright and early to make her flight and to meet Robin and Regina at baggage claim. She went to bed thinking of the man she had to let go today so he could make his flight, thinking of the man that made her heart skip a beat, the man who she loved more than anybody in the entire world.

The next morning she was on a plane to go to New York and to start the life that she wants to live. She landed in the airport in New York and was greeted by her friends, after the huge hug they gave her she wanted to go get something to eat.

Emma’s P.O.V

I landed in New York and nothing could make me happier other than having Killian with me but that’s okay, I’ll just call him tonight. I was greeted by my friends and when they saw me they gave me a huge hug, after that I wanted to go get some food. “Hey let's go get some food” I say to them when we get in the car.

“Yeah we can but let’s go drop your stuff off first” Robin says.

“But I want food now” I say like I was a little girl.

“Just trust me”

“Ugh fine” So he drove to the school and when we got there he told me to go by myself and he would be up in a second, I thought that was weird but I did. I went inside and got my dorm key then Robin and Regina just magically appeared behind me. I unlocked the door and the moment the door swung open I dropped my bag and put my hands over my mouth. “Oh my god”

“Miss me?” Killian says to me. All I did was run into his arms and made us fall on the bed. “I guess you did miss me” he says while laughing.

“Are you kidding me, of course I did, what are you doing here?” I asked him.

“I live and go here”

“What are you talking about”

“I didn’t tell you that I was going here because I wanted to surprise you”

“Well you did a good job” I say to him as I pull him down to my lips and of course he kisses me back. I look over at Regina and Robin who is grining at us and I ask “now can we go get some food?”

“Yes, now we can go get some food” Robin says with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Did you guys know about this?” I asked them. All they did was nod and smile.

I can not believe that my boyfriend goes to the same school as me and didn’t tell me and then my friends keep it from me but it was the best thing, getting to unlock my door and see him sitting there made everything so much better; I couldn’t ask for anything better.

5 years later Killian’s P.O.V

It’s my wedding night and I can not believe that I made it 5 years with my Swan, I asked her to marry me at a party that I threw for her because it was our 5 year anniversary and I knew she hated parties but this one she liked because it was just us and our friends. She is everything to me and I know I am everything to her because she has told me so much over the years that I was, my entire life changed when I met her and I am so glad it did.

I hear the piano that Ruby was playing and I now know that in a few seconds I will get to see my Swan in her wedding dress walking to me to marry me. First Regina and Robin came out, then Will and Belle came out, and lastly Emma but because Emma didn’t have anyone to walk her down Robin ran down there and walked her. He kisses her cheek and then places her hands in mine, I look at her and I am speechless beyond everything I am and all I can say is “you look…I don’t even know a word for it it’s that amazing”

“Thank you, you don’t look so bad yourself” she says as she tries not to cry tears of joy.

One of our friends August is marrying us and he laughs at us a little bit as he clears his voice “okay, let's get this rolling, we are gathered here today because 2 kids fell in love in high school might I add and didn’t tell each other until after they graduated how pathetic” he says and everyone laughs, even us because it’s true. “All jokes aside I have known these two for awhile now and I am so happy that they found each other and chose each other because they belong together, do you Killian Jones take Emma Swan to be wife, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and health, to love forever?”

“I do”

“And do you Emma Swan take Killian Jones to be your husband to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and health, to love forever?”

“I do” she says and I can’t help but smile.

“The vows?” August says. “Killian?”

“Emma since I have met you you have changed my life forever, you made this stupid nerdy kid fall in love so fast that I could feel anything, and I am so glad you did because I don’t know where I would be if you didn’t. You are my life, my world, my love, and everything I need all wrapped into one small but wonderful person. Sometimes I think I am going to fuck this up and I know I have come close to doing so but you have been with me from the beginning and I hope I will make the husband worthy enough for your love. You’re everything I want and more and I will forever love you”

By the time I end my vows Emma is crying tears of joy and that makes me happy. “Emma?” August asks.

“Killian when we met I liked you right away and I couldn’t describe how much because at the time I didn’t understand what it was but now I can say that you are the man that is my other half, you are the man I want, you are the man that I need in my life. I don’t want anyone but you and nothing will ever make me stop loving you the way that I do right now. A life with you is the one that I want and there is no life without you in it, and if that means I have to go the rest of my life with the things that you do that annoy me then I will do it in a heartbeat because the things that annoy me are also things that I love about you. Like you said you’re my everything and you are already worthy of all the love I give you but I just hope that I will be a good enough wife worthy of your love because that’s all I want. I love you and I always and forever will”

Hearing Emma say these words made me cry and I cannot believe I am marrying her right now because man do I not deserve her but I am glad I have her. “Well I think Emma won the vows, anyway can we have the rings please” Robin gives me the rings and I hand Emma mine and I hold onto hers. “Killian repeat after me…I Killian take you Emma as my Wife, to have and to hold forever as long as you’ll have me”

“I Killian take you Emma as my Wife, to have and to hold forever as long as you’ll have me” I say as I put the ring on her finger.

“Now Emma repeat after me…I Emma take you Killian as my Husband, to have and to hold forever as long as you’ll have me” August says.

“I Emma take you Killian as my Husband, to have and to hold forever as long as you’ll have me” she says with a smile as she slips the ring on my finger.

“I now pronounce you by the state of New York and the computer Husband and Wife, you may kiss your bride”

And with that I take her by the waist and kiss her with all the love and passion I could in front of our friends. She is my light and my world forever and no one and nothing will ever change that. She is the life of me.

#CaptainSwan #EmmaSwan #KillianJones #CSFF

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