#Keith intrusive thoughts

[2deadkat]

The update to the 2Deadkat national flag

[keithkog]

That urge to eat pebbles and rocks. I don’t know about you, but I understand some people who were on My Strange Addiction.

-Keith

[karakurenai-no-raion]

MUD coining time! (Does it count as a MUD if I was a psychiatrist in-source? /silly)

This was coined by me (Hannibal Lecter), not Keith, despite this being his blog and NOT mine. :) I do not have my own blog at all. If I messed anything up in this post no I did not (/silly).

Anthropophagic Compulsion Disorder

ACD is a rare and severe trauma-based disorder characterized by an overwhelming compulsion to consume human flesh. This disorder stems from early childhood trauma involving the forced or coerced consumption of human meat, typically that of those close to them. Behaviours associated with ACD are known to worsen, without intervention, as the subject grows older. ACD is also known to first manifest its full symptoms around the ages of 15 to 18.

Key Characteristics:

Cannibalistic Compulsions: Individuals with ACD experience intense and recurrent urges to consume human flesh. These compulsions are frequently accompanied by an episodic and insatiable hunger, often to the point of physical pain that resembles starvation, specifically for human meat.

Intrusive Thoughts: Subjects tend to suffer from intrusive thoughts related to murder and cannibalism, which can be highly distressing and near impossible to control. One subject has been known to act upon these thoughts, but most never do.

Trauma Origin: The disorder usually stems from severe psychological trauma, particularly involving forced or coerced cannibalism during formative years. The disorder cannot be diagnosed, or even exist, without the traumatic origins.

Relationship Complications: Due to it's traumatic origins, ACD interferes with the subject's romantic interests. The one that they love tends to be a focus in their cannibalistic compulsions, be it wanting to share their meals with them.. or wanting to eat them. This typically only occurs in those that were forced to eat family members or those close to them, and is uncommon in those that only ate strangers as a child.

Resistibility and Therapy: While the urges and hunger can be resisted, doing so is extremely challenging without professional intervention. Effective management most likely requires extensive therapy, which may include cognitive-behavioral techniques, trauma-focused therapy, and possibly medication.

There is a diagnostic criteria beneath the cut because I am.. slightly obsessed.

It is what I have already stated but in a format vaguely similar to the DSM.. I also allowed an ai to do most of this part because it is. 20 to 3 in the morning for us. Though, rest assured, I went through and checked that everything was correct!

Diagnostic Criteria

A. Recurrent and intense urges to consume human flesh, as manifested by at least one of the following, occurring over a period of at least 6 months:

Persistent thoughts or fantasies about consuming human flesh.

Strong urges or desires to consume human flesh, leading to significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

B. Intrusive thoughts centering around murder and cannibalism, experienced frequently and causing marked anxiety or distress.

C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D. The behaviors are not better explained by another mental disorder, such as Schizophrenia, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, or a Paraphilic Disorder.

E. The disorder originates from severe psychological trauma, particularly involving forced cannibalism during childhood or formative years.

Associated Features Supporting Diagnosis:

Episodes of Insatiable Hunger: Individuals may experience periods where the urge to consume human flesh becomes nearly unbearable.

Compulsive Behaviors: Some individuals may engage in ritualistic behaviors related to their cannibalistic urges.

Trauma History: A history of severe psychological trauma of other kinds is also typically present, but not at all required for diagnosis.

Prevalence:

ACD is extremely rare and predominantly found in individuals with a history of severe childhood trauma related to cannibalism.

Development and Course:

The disorder usually begins in childhood or adolescence following a, or a series of, traumatic event(s). Without intervention ACD can persist into adulthood and lead to significant impairment on the subject's life, despite it being a disorder typically missed completely by those around the subject.

Functional Consequences:

ACD can lead to significant functional impairment, including difficulties in maintaining employment, relationships, and engaging in daily activities.

Differential Diagnosis:

Schizophrenia Spectrum and Other Psychotic Disorders: Unlike these disorders, ACD is specifically linked to trauma and involves clear, consistent cannibalistic compulsions. It is not a disorder that can be genetic, but the existence of other genetic disorders (within the family tree) can increase it's likelihood of occuring as a result of the subject's trauma.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD): While OCD involves intrusive thoughts and compulsions, the specific nature of cannibalistic urges and behaviors is distinct in ACD. Some may consider ACD a subtype of OCD.

Paraphilic Disorders: ACD is differentiated by the primary focus on cannibalism as a result of trauma rather than sexual arousal. It can be comorbid with paraphilic disorders, but it is uncommon.

[minami-ff]

You’re Staying Under My Protection

Captain Levi x Reader

The atmosphere in the Survey Corps headquarters was tense as Captain Levi paced back and forth in his office. The Captain of the Special Operations Squad had never been one to get worked up over his emotions. His stern exterior was well-known among the soldiers, but there was now a particular person who managed to chip away at the walls he had built around himself.

The weight of a decision he had no control over laid heavily on his shoulders, one that involved not just the fate of humanity beyond the walls but the safety of someone he couldn't help but want deeply to protect – you, a member of his squad and, annoyingly, someone who had found a way into his guarded heart.

As he awaited the final word from Commander Keith Shadis, Levi couldn't shake the unease that settled in his chest. Shadis had demanded your presence on his team to be vital for the upcoming expedition beyond the walls, a verdict that left Levi feeling frustrated and powerless.

Levi's thoughts were a turbulent sea of conflicting emotions. On one hand, he understood the necessity of the mission and the need for capable soldiers with specific skills and knowledge to contribute. On the other, the idea of you being under someone else's command, especially someone like Shadis, left a bitter taste in his mouth.

There was no way the Commander could protect you nearly as well as he would.

Levi stormed into the room where Shadis and his subordinates deliberated. His entrance was a forceful declaration of his discontent, and the intensity in his wintry steel eyes silenced the room.

"Commander," Levi's voice cut through the air like a blade, "we need to talk. Everyone, out.”

The Survey Corps team exchanged uneasy glances before quickly vacating the room, leaving Levi and Shadis alone with the uncertainty of the impending confrontation hanging in the air. Shadis, unfazed by the abrupt intrusion, glared at Levi with green eyes stabbing out of his dark panda circles.

"Levi, this isn’t about your special affection for [Your Last Name] again, is it?" Shadis flashed a sly grin, teasing the captain. Levi fixed him with an unyielding glare.

"You’re not taking [Your Name] away from my squad." Levi demanded with unwavering conviction, “That’s final.” Shadis leaned back, chuckling, folding his arms as he belittled Levi.

"Kid, this lineup isn’t personal. It's about ensuring we have the best-suited soldiers on this critical mission. You know that as well as I do. [Your Last Name]'s skills are needed on this expedition." In a burst of frustration, Levi slammed his hand on the table, the sound echoing in the room.

"I trained [Your Name] personally. I won't let you throw my comrades into the fire without me there to watch their back!" The bond between a captain and his squad ran deep, and Levi was not willing to let go easily. Shadis, unmoved by Levi's plea, crossed his arms and leaned against the desk.

"Not up for negotiation. In actual fact, [Your Last Name] agreed to this, even expressed excitement about joining this mission! Clearly you’ve failed to ask for [Your Last Name]’s desires before clouding your judgement. I’m done with this conversation." Levi's narrowed eyes softened, taken aback, and absorbed some truth to what the Commander said.

Unbeknownst to both leaders, you stood just beyond the door, absorbing every word exchanged. You entered the room, gentle eyes laying on your Captain’s.

"Captain, thank you for your concern, but I am more than capable of ensuring my own safety. This is what you trained me for. Allow me to join the Survey Corps on this mission. They need me, and I need this opportunity." Levi's fists clenched at his sides, his gaze never wavering from yours.

"Fine," Levi finally relented after much hesitation, his voice tight. Silence filling the air as he breathed heavily, "but [Your Name] is my responsibility. I expect [Your Name] to return to me unharmed." He fixed Shadis with an intense, piercing stare, requiring reassurance. “Or else I will take this personally.”

Shadis nodded, acknowledging Levi's concession.

As Commander Shadis and you left the room to leave for the mission, you thanked your captain with a nod and subtle smile. Though Levi lowered his head back at you, his frustration reached its peak. He couldn't shake the fear that lingered in the depths of his mind. The walls may protect humanity from the titans, but they could not shield his heart from the fear of losing someone he cared for again. For now, all he could do was hope that you would return safely.

[kryptonbabe]

The absence of the superego psychological structure in JSA bronze age comics, an observation

One thing that makes reading the JSA revival run from 1976 such an interesting experience is just how much of their inner thoughts they are willing to share with each other. The members of this team will express the most intense feelings of despair, anger and every other emotion without thinking twice, it makes for a very intense reading experience. These people are on the edge and they will let you know about their intrusive thoughts, deep feelings and desires, the drama is always through the roof, and I didn't even include Power Girl's exchanges with Superman and Wildcat (I'm saving these for another post)

In Freudian psychology we have:

(...) the id is the impulsive part of your personality that is driven by pleasure and repulsed by pain, the superego is the judgmental and morally correct part of your personality, and the ego is the conscious part of your personality that mediates between the id and the superego and makes decisions.

And I can only think of the challenge the JSA team of this time would present for these definitions, because they seem unburdened by the superego aspect of their mind, just saying what their id demands, particularly when it comes to sharing their feelings. And that is not to say these characters don't have interesting inner lives, it's just that they're very transparent about their feelings and it's absolutely appealing to witness such a dynamic

This particular style of writing reminds me of what Chris Claremont was also doing with the Uncanny X-Men at Marvel (All-Star Comics revival and Claremont's X-Men were published only 6 months apart), which might just be an example of how the writing trends of superhero comic books were changing with the times. The difference is: the X-men heroes were younger and less experienced while the JSA characters are jaded, they share a common history of decades with each other and their foes, this leaves a lot of room for drama and conflict (not to put these books against each other they're just different and I love both). Honestly I'm a melodrama fan, I have an appreciation for this soap opera style of comic book narrative and I'm glad there's so much good material to get into. There's a reason why the JSA characters are still popular to this day

From All-Star Comics (1976 revival), collected in Only legends live forever TPB (2019). Written by: Gerry Conway & Paul Levitz. Art by Keith Giffen & Wally Wood

[trashc-anon]

hazbin hotel is polluting my mind so if I were the editor's intern: reco

• either stretch the season into 16 episodes or cut the plotlines in half;

• definitaly cut Alastor's screen time in half (if not more)

• make up your mind how much of the pilot is canon (especially regarding Lucifer)

• episode 1 is good as is, a soft reboot from the pilot without getting in too much detail and I love hating Adam, "Hell is Forever" is banger (i hope the music writers were properly paid and Disney learns why AI is a bad idea!)

• episode 2 is a problem, because Sir Pentious presence is only because of the V's, make that episode 2/2;

• ep 1/2 - Charlie and Vaggie leave the hotel to recruit; Sir Pentious attacks, all on schedule

• Charlie or Vaggie save some of the eggs from being crushed; when the "battle" is over, Pentious is cautiosly agrees to entertain their hospitalty; angel is untrusting;

• "Starts with Sorry"

• leave the Vs as unseen foes, and Alastor's only appearance is his shadow at the end of the episode (Overlords are mysterious unseen threat)

• episode 2/2 - Vs are anxious that Alastor is with the princess;

• see, the first couple of episodes make sense, but they take away from the girls and the hotel

• but "Stayed Gone" is sooo good! maybe use at a later date?

nevermind

• "Stayed Gone" is a fun song, BUT it doesn't make sense for Alastor, mysterious serial killer, to have childish rivalries; why didn't he kill Vox back when he rejected him and Vox got 'pissy'?

• either make Vox less pathetic or less there;

• soooo, episode 3/1 is would be trust exercises

• i actually liked Angel's plan with BDSM, he's not wrong and I wished he had the chance to be an adult that LIKES sex separate from the victim that uses overtsexuality as a defence mechanism

• each character could have their own moment to show what trust means to them; trust comes in different shades;

• between Angel and Maggie we see sexual intimacy and surviving extreme situations; Husk has issues with openess; Niffty with intrusive thoughts;

• IN FACT! actually stablish WHY Husk and Niffty are part of the exercises! they're not guests, Husk says as much, they are employees LOANED by Alastor; they're not there to earn redemption; *vague hand gesture in confusion*

• OKAY - Overlord meeting... ehhhhhh

• i still want to cut Alastor's screentime! whats the point of the meeting? screentime for the overlords, the dead angel (which we know, but main cast won't until episode 7) Carmila being responsible is important, we need to know who to ask for help, but ugh. I get its also, prelude that you need love to fight and win against angels, but its never stablished in canon, Carmila says it to Maggie to use as internal compass to keep her fighting beyond pain and fear; bloodlust is distracting, love is focused;

• my delight with Zestial being all dark and yummy need to take a hike for the sake of - what am i even doing any more?

• I can't help but think how much of these decision are also based on Voice Actor salaries; because Keith David (Husk) gotta be expensive and for a character that is literaly always presented he almost never talks; and just, ALL of them being expensive and ~ahahah better make fewer episodes if you want big names in your projects~

• ughhhh that's when you know a series has issues, when trying to fix you run into a thousand more problems;

• i would respect how much they put into 8 episodes, ONLY IF it's true they didn't know they would get season 2. Because in that case a bunch of these plot lines needed to be dropped, I don't care how fanfavorite the character is;

• the Vs serve no purpose what so ever, you can easily have Valentino as a lone villain (also less confusion about hells social rules about SA and abuse);

• Lucifer should've been the last big name to enter screen; work up to the trial with Heaven for S2E01 (why even a trial)

• just how PLOT heavy is this series that Viv needed Lilith's bomb to drop in season 1? which is a major inconsistancy for a series based on the theme of redemption, a CHARACTER heavy theme;

• as it is, i don't see how Sir Pentious being redeemed is a good thing, because he died before entering Heaven, so other souls need to die too and hope it's not forever? wouldn't that fuel Exterminators cause to kill in name of 'clensing'? (holy shit, the more I write the worse it gets)

• IS there an primordial EVIL to scare the angels so badly?

• omg I hope they won't try to bring actual GOD into the series; I know there is concept art floating around, but please, do not;

• Supernatural barely got away with it in Season 5 because it was a funny 'what if' and made it got bad in Season 10 (?) (no series should ever emulate Supernatural, its a warning I mean it, don't, not worth it, you don't have 10+ years of dead horse to beat)(the fans, me, stayed out of, idk, regretfull loyalty)

• my english is not good enough for this... KAY IM DONE NOW! BYEEEE

[modernmanblues]

chances

CH 6: KISS OF LIFE

plot: American photographer Leah Walker is ecstatic when she's presented with the opportunity to spend the summer of 1975 in Stockport, UK to take photographs of local English groups. Given her history of taking photos of big acts such as The Rolling Stones and The Doors, she is taken by surprise when told that her first clients will be the up and coming Manchester-based group, 10cc, who have kept a low-profile until recently, after gaining worldwide stardom from their hit I'm Not In Love. Leah knows little about the group and gets acquainted fairly quickly, but what she doesn't know is how much trouble she's about to get herself into with the group's beloved lead guitarist, Eric Stewart. She has all summer, come to think of it. The possibilities are endless.

themes: big fat snogging xxxxx, cuddling, slow dancing, brief hospital scene, mild medical terms, alcohol

a/n: In light of my recent engagement, I would like to dedicate this particular chapter to the love of my life, my soulmate, my dear future husband, Keith Stewart (his middle name, not surname btw. would be a comical coincidence, wouldn’t it?). Thank you for proofreading this chapter for me, darling, you’re the best! And, i love you very very much xxxxx

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

I stir awake into consciousness as I feel firm, spindly fingers gently caressing my hair. I open my eyes gently to meet his, ocean blue gazing into velvet brown and I promptly come to my senses. Eric..you’re back. Oh thank goodness you’re back..

The thought brings a massive smile on my face as I study him with eager eyes. I hope I am simply not dreaming..I stray away from this dark intrusive thought to prevent it from tainting my bright mood.

“Good morning, princess.” His warm, mancunian brogue is so comforting to hear.

We continue to lay on our sides, amusing ourselves in mutual gaze. He takes me aback as he traces my jawline delicately with his thumb, and transitions swiftly to his index finger to do the same maneuver on the bridge of my nose. He showcases his trademark juvenile smile, which never fails to lure me into this wave of tranquility that has become all too familiar to me.

“Good morning, Eric. How are you feeling?” I peer into his eyes adoringly. I feel myself smiling with demure.

He hoists himself up with one arm, wincing as he guards the center of his torso.

“Fuckin’ hell..this pain..” he mutters.

I sit up quickly to stabilize him. My expression turns somber as I watch him writhe in pain.

“Eric, I should ask the nurse for your pain med—” I stand erect, but he clutches my arm deftly, preventing me from going farther.

“And just where do you think you’re going?” he gawks at me with a sultry expression.

“Come sit with me, please.” He orders sternly.

We simultaneously assume a seated position on the edge of the bed, he gapes at me with delight, appearing to be on the verge of laughter.

“What is it, Eric?”

He glances at the bed then cranes his head towards me again. The smirk on his face is rather criminal. I am suddenly presented with the most absurd intrusive thought.

“Eric, we didn’t..did we..? Oh god..” I gasp faintly, my face growing flushed at the thought.

He cackles at my remark, shaking his head. I need you to explain yourself now, Mr. Stewart..

“No Leah, I’m not that kind of guy. Sure I’m a rockstar, but I’m the polite type at the very least. You see, I would’ve asked for your permission first and most importantly, I like my woman awake when I make love to her.”

I have no words. He carries on.

“I was just thinking..would this technically count as our first time sleeping together?”

The temperature on my face continues to rise. I feel a lump going down my throat. The audacity…and the bastard even looks bloody proud himself for saying that. He’s back from the dead alright. I finally generate a response.

“I beg your pardon?” I hope he’s joking. “I’m afraid I don’t unders—”

“Well it appears that you and I slept on the same bed last night, Leah.” He maintains the smug look on his face as he fixes his gaze on me.

“So it does…but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we actually slept together, does it…?”

He leans into me, nudging my arm.

“I’m just teasing you, love.” He chuckles.

We hear the sound of the door opening then closing, followed by echoed footsteps.

“The troop has landed!” Kevin’s voice reverberates around the room.

Eric and I are beaming with glee as we witness the brigade that is, Kevin, Lol, Graham and little Dieta marching in as a unit.  

“Daddy! Oh daddy…” Dee runs up to Eric and throws herself into his arms. I can feel the child’s anguish in her tone, and I am rather disheartened to see her tears beginning to saturate Eric’s hospital wardrobe. Eric winces from the girl tackling him, doing his best to fight through the pain.

“Easy, petal...there, there daddy’s okay now…daddy’s here, daddy’s okay…” He scoops the little girl up in his arms and soothes her with a quick peck on the forehead, combing her long brunette hair with his fingers.

“Y-you’re okay n-now, d-daddy?” Dee sobs through her words.

“That’s right. Daddy’s strong as a bull again, and I’m afraid I haven’t told you today, but I love you very much darling.” He plants another kiss on her forehead.

Strong as a bull, eh? Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you boy? 

I decide to catch up with the three lads as I leave the father-daughter duo to bond for a bit.

“Leah! How are you, girl?” Lol scoops me up in a massive embrace. He is ever the charmer.

“Feeling much better now.” I smile daintily, squeezing him gently in return. I lock eyes with Graham, feeling my cheeks warm up insidiously.

I carefully break away from Lol’s hold and steadily make my way towards this stunning, god-like creature named Graham Gouldman, who was undoubtedly bestowed the most ravishing façade.

“Hello, Graham.” I greet him warmly.

“Hi, Leah.” He gazes at me admiringly, noting the subtle twinkle in his eyes, “you deserve knighthood for your sheer heroic efforts in saving our Eric.”

Our Eric? Well, that’s got a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

Graham leans into me and plants a tender kiss on my cheek. He smiles at me meekly the moment he peels away. My face grows markedly flushed at this gesture. I place my hand on my cheek, astounded by Graham’s forwardness.

“Leah babe.” Kevin toots from the corner.

My instinct drives me to fall into Kevin’s arms immediately. He welcomes me with a warm, affectionate embrace. We peel away from each other’s hold.

“Kev, so good to see you.” I smile through my words.

“Likewise, lovely.” He peers into my eyes with sheer fondness.

“Can I join this little love fest?” Eric purrs behind me, startling me as his hands perch over my shoulders.

My reflexes trigger me to immediately turn around and face him.

“Eric..hi. Um..” I chuckle, biting my lower lip as I notice him searching for my eyes.

“Why did you abandon me?” He mutters under his breath.

“I didn’t abandon you. I wanted to leave you and Dee to it.”

“Right. But you didn’t have to leave my side, you know.”

I let out a gentle laugh, bringing my hand to his cheek and caressing it gently.

“I’m glad to know you’re feeling okay.” I smile at him sheepishly.

“As long as you’re around, I know I’ll always feel okay.” He kisses the groove of my palm delicately.

“Well hello! You are looking super this morning, Mr. Stewart!” the nurse chirps as she closes the door behind her, marching in with Eric’s food tray.

“Never felt better, nurse.” He smiles at her then at me boyishly.

“Well, that’s good to hear then. I was just coming in to deliver your breakfast tray and to check on you,” The nurse gushes, her eyes skimming between Eric and the rest of the guys, “ I didn’t realize you were going to get this much attention today.” She giggles ecstatically.

“I might need a bit of morphine again, nurse.” Eric retorts, wincing as he guards his torso.

“It’s a good thing I came in. I’ll be back with some pain medicine. Nice to see you all.” She leaves us with a genial smile before exiting the room gracefully.

“Mmm..don’t you just love nurses?” Lol is nearly swooning.

“Don’t you just love your wife?” Graham retorts sarcastically, rolling his eyes playfully and shaking his head at Lol.

“Aye, Angie’s the best wife a man could ask for!” Lol proclaims firmly.

“So why do your eyes travel elsewhere, Lol?” Eric is playfully stern, raising an eyebrow at his mate.

“Oh come off it, lads. You all know no girl will ever come between Angie and I.”

“Hello, I’m back.” The nurse walks in swiftly carrying a small syringe.

“Mr. Stewart, might I suggest that you have a seat or lay down for a bit while you wait for this medicine to take effect. It tends to make people a bit drowsy.” She says this matter-of-factly.

 “Oh right.” Eric obeys the nurse’s orders and returns to sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Hello there!” Dieta chirps from where she is seated adjacent to Eric, waving ecstatically at the nurse.

“Well hello to you, lovely. What’s your name?” The nurse beams at Dieta.

“I’m Dieta Stewart and this is my daddy, Eric Stewart.” She places a hand on Eric’s shoulder.

“And that over there is my mummy, Leah Stewart!” Dieta points to me, giggling almost menacingly.

My jaw drops to the floor instantly. This child…ever so cheeky just like her father.

“What’s your name, miss?” Dieta asks politely, tilting her head slightly. Charming.

“I’m Charlotte. But most people like to call me Charlie.”Charlotte glances at Dieta adoringly as she prepares to give Eric his medicine.

“That’s a pretty name, Nurse Charlie!” Dieta chirps joyfully.

The child watches attentively as Charlie deftly flicks the drug-filled syringe before delivering the antidote through Eric’s vein.

“May I ask what’s that you’ve got there?” Dieta gazes up at Charlie with hopeful eyes.

“Oh, this is just a little pain medicine. It’s going to make your daddy’s pain go away.” Charlie smiles adoringly at the child.

“Could use some of that myself, if you know what I mean.” Kevin mumbles audibly from the corner, snickering with Lol as he nudges him.

 “You must be a proud father, Mr. Stewart.” She says with a teethy grin, disregarding Kevin’s remark and glancing at Eric while attaching her small apparatus to his intravenous line.

 "Um…Mr. Stewart? Are you alright?” Charlie repeats herself, seemingly concerned that Eric now looks a bit stupefied.

 Eric has grown silent, his eyes widening as he maintains a fixed gaze on the syringe. His face suggests fear.

“Leah! Leah! This is—" Eric cries out in agony, barely finishing his sentence. He begins to hyperventilate.

I bolt my way towards him, clasping his clammy hand. He’s grown noticeably pale.

“Eric honey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. This is going to take the pain away.” I chant.

He continues to sit in silence, appearing like he’s seen a ghost.

“Go easy on him please.” I gape at Charlie with pleading eyes.

 "No worries, love. This is morphine, it’s quite potent so it will have to go in slow, it will be gentler on his vein.” Charlie smiles at me gingerly. Her words are reassuring.

 “No..no..no..” Eric’s voice quivers as he murmurs under his breath, closing his eyes shut. I begin to notice a tear trickling down his angelic face.

I maintain my grip on his hand, gently caressing it with my thumb. She begins to push the medicine through slowly.

“Half the medicine is in and I’m nearly finished here, Mr. Stewart. You are doing fantastic.” The nurse’s words seem to be providing Eric a bit of solace, he’s become more at ease as the medicine takes effect.

“Right. I’m all done here. That wasn’t too bad, was it?” The nurse beams meekly as she detaches the syringe from Eric’s IV.

“Well then…” Eric breathes a sigh of relief. “Sorry, I just…I don’t like medicines..”

Well you certainly didn’t think twice about sniffing up that cocaine…Seriously, I’ve had my urges to slap this guy.

I brush his hair delicately with my fingers. “You did so well, darling.”

“That’s right. Now you’ll be pain free for a bit. Which, that reminds me. The doctor has orders for you to be discharged from the hospital today. All your vital signs and labs are stable now, the doctor has said you are healthy enough to go home.” Charlotte says this in a rather business-like tone.  

 “Well that’s great news, isn’t it?” Lol states jovially.

“Best news of the day, Nurse Charlie.” Eric winks at her.

 And he is quite the expert at woeing the ladies, isn’t he? I want to roll my eyes at him.

“Right. Well, let me get your discharge papers together and um…” Charlie looks at Dieta from the corner of her eye, beaming at her.

She squats down to be at eye level with the young lady.

“…since you’ve been such a good little girl for your daddy. How about a nice little treat? Ice lolly, perhaps?”

“Oh that sounds fab!” The girl chirps ecstatically, craning her head towards her father.

“Daddy can I have an ice lolly, oh please daddy! please please!” Dee tugs on Eric’s wardrobe gently.

“Alright, but you’re only getting one. Don’t want you spoiling your appetite, you’ve got breakfast waiting.” Eric’s hands glide over his food tray. His paternal side never fails to shine through, and he isn’t afraid to show it.

“Yipeee!!” Dee exclaims.

“Right. Be right back.” Charlie marches off daintily, and with sheer nursing confidence. We watch as she disappears from our line of sight.

*********************************************************

I have graced the basement foyer with my presence standing in utter silence as I become completely engrossed in the intricacies of this fascinating wall decor flaunting before me that is, the gold disc awarded to 10cc’s The Original Soundtrack record. I carefully study each groove on the gold vinyl, enchanted with the way it shines everytime I shift in different angles. My eyes dart towards the brief passage written at the bottom of the framed display which reads:

 …Stewart and Gouldman’s passion, heart and soul coupled with Godley and Creme’s incontestable humour and wit gave birth to this star-studded masterpiece. The Original Soundtrack brings about a conglomerate of emotions to its audience, providing a rather unique and stimulating experience to both the avid and fleeting music listener. Simply put, it is playful, silly and romantic. These are just some of the nuances that give perpetual appeal to these so-called Darlings of Rock ‘n’ Roll. Truly, a record that is decades ahead of its time.

My attention is suddenly shifted to the muffled sound of music seeping from the recording studio. My efforts in guessing the name of the song are disrupted the moment I catch a glimpse of Eric in the studio appearing rather haggard and slightly unkempt. His black dress top is unbuttoned halfway, tucked lazily under the hem of his jeans. The signature brown leather belt hugging his waist. He clasps his hands together as he rests them on his abdomen, elevating his legs and leaning them against the audio console. He furrows his brows, immersing himself in every aspect of lyric and sound. So this must be what so-called rockstars do in their spare time.

I remember the actual purpose of me coming down here, that was to perform a welfare check on Eric. It’s as if he had been waiting for me this entire time, he swivels open the door immediately. He coolly brings his arm up, leaning it against the doorway while he rests his opposite hand on his hip. My eyes dart toward the dark patch of hair on his chest, and the five o’clock shadow that’s beginning to grow flushed against his delicate jawline. His smirk darkens insidiously the longer he ogles me.

“Well, doesn’t this look familiar?” He gapes at me with a dark, sultry expression.

“How familiar?” I tilt my head to the side, gazing at him with unremitting charm.

Our ears are greeted with the sweet, gentle sound of Paul McCartney’s crooning in the track My Love, resonating from the turntable. I feel the mood changing between us. We’re becoming engulfed into a more intimate atmosphere.

Without saying a word, Eric extends his hand out to me, inviting me to come inside the studio. He shuts the door gently. I take his hand and follow his lead. We stand eye to eye in the heart of room. He carefully guides my arms up and nestles them over his shoulders. My eyes drown in his as I wait patiently for his next move. He proceeds to place his hands on my waist. His hands emit a generous amount of warmth which sends a mild tingle through my spine. My eyes have not yet abandoned his, a promise we have both made silently to each other at this very moment. I decide to break the silence as we both begin to sway sluggishly to the music.

“You were supposed to ask my permission for this dance, you know.” I giggle subtly.

“Oh dear, where are my manners?” He retorts with gross sarcasm, grinning widely.

We mind each other’s steps as we gain some momentum in this performance.

“I like this song.” I shift to a more serious tone, maintaining my gaze on him.

“Leah, can I say something to you?” The smile on his face vanishes suddenly.

“Anything, Eric.” I peer into his velvet brown doe eyes.

And my love does it good…McCartney’s creamy vocals continue to fill the room with comforting ambiance.

Eric twirls me carefully, laughing gently as he watches me with eager eyes. I risk falling by sinking into his arms only for him catch me on time. I face forward, smiling menacingly at the dirty trick I’ve just done. I gasp faintly as I feel Eric delicately nuzzling his nose against my temple then gradually down my cheek, planting a gentle kiss on my face. His scent, the potent fusion of whiskey and aftershave. Will this man ever learn?

“I don’t recall whether you gave me the kiss of life while I was dead, but tonight I want to return the favor by doing this.”

He catches me by surprise when he leans his face into me and joins his lips with mine. He peels away briefly, expelling his breath. I stand before him appearing aghast. Again, I have no words.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” His soft, gentle voice caresses my senses.

Eric leans in once again and surrenders another kiss. He brushes his upper lip with my lower, adding some tongue in between. I moan softly, melting into his arms while I mirror his lip movements. Our momentum intensifies as we become absorbed into this tongue, lip and heavy breathing ecstasy. Our hands fumble in each other’s hold, struggling to keep them in place.

“Lord have mercy..,” he says breathlessly as he peels away from me to gasp for air.

“Easy, love..” I mutter breathlessly, biting my lower lip.

Eric’s face grows more noticeably smug as his eyes dart from me to whatever is piquing his interest behind me.

“Whatever you do..” Eric brings my hand up to his face and kisses my knuckle tenderly.

“..do not turn around.” He smiles at me cheekily.

“What? What do you me—” My instinct tells me to turn around immediately only to discover the most shocking revelation, and the source of Eric’s distraction.

 My eyes widen in horror as I peer through the soundproof glass window and find Dieta lurking in the recording room, giggling as she flicks her polaroid camera, blinding Eric and I with its flash.

“Right, you. Come out of there at once!” Eric scolds his daughter lightly.

Dee’s doe eyes expand in plain shock, veiling her mouth with her hand to conceal her embarrassment. Caught red-handed.

“NOW.” Eric’s declares in a louder tone, leering at Dee sternly.

The girl obeys her father’s command and bows her down as she exits the recording room, approaching us cautiously.

“Sorry, daddy..” Dieta blurts out weakly.

“Come here, you.” Eric releases me gently and reels his daughter into his hip feebly.

“Now how long had you been lurking in there, hm?” Eric tenses his jaw as he cranes his head down, eyeing his daughter with a forgiving stare.  

“A while.” The girl gazes up at her father innocently, presenting him with a few polaroids.

Eric accepts the images and shuffles through them one by one, his expression changing from dismayed to delighted. He glances at me then back at the photos.

“Come have a look at these.” He curls his lips in amusement.

I step in closer to marvel at the portraits myself and much to my surprise, I see that this little girl has captured three of the most intimate moments that happened between Eric and I this room.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Eric’s jaw tenses as he gazes at me to watch my reaction diligently.

Unsurprisingly, I become captivated at the photo of the two of us studying each other’s eyes. I see so much fondness, adoration and compassion between us both, it’s rather riveting.

“You took all these photos, Dee?” I gape at the girl adoringly.

“Who else would have taken them, ma’am?” Dee chirps cheekily, batting her eyes at me.

“Be nice, darling.” Eric scolds gently.

“They’re so good.” I grin widely at the girl, squatting down to meet her at eye level.

“You know. I have been looking for another apprentice to fill in for me from time to time. I think you would be a good fit.”

Eric squats down with me, placing his arm over my shoulder. His eyes glide from me to Dee, then back towards me.

“Do you really think that’s a great idea, Walker?” Eric chuckles.

“Eric, your daughter has so much potential. These photos look exquisite, one could easily think they were taken by a professional. She clearly has an affinity for photography.”

I gaze into his eyes intently, “And I can see where she gets her prodigious talents from.”

Eric’s eyes twinkle as he gawks at me with blatant ardor, beguiling me with his million dollar grin.                       

“You’re a charmer aren’t you, Walker?” He purses his lips shyly.  

“Anyway, any plans this afternoon?” He suddenly switches subject.

“No why do you ask, Eric?”

“Would you care to join Dee and I for afternoon tea?” His face brightens as he awaits my response.

“Oh please please PLEASE say yes!” Dieta pleads with her eyes.

“I would love to join you both.” I retort delightfully.

“Beautiful. It’s a date then.” His soft tone tingles my eardrums.

It’s a date then.

________________________________________________

<<previous chapter

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[keithbwrtuk]

Intrusive Thoughts...? For Professional, Private & Confidential help contact Keith at BWRT UK, in the world of therapy since 2000. Tel/Txt 07958 508482 keith@bwrtuk.co.uk https://www.bwrtuk.co.uk/intrusive-thoughts/

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[just-jae]

Voltron LD Creative rerwrite

Okay, here we go.

Imma start with some superficial stuff:

All the main characters are adults (ranging 20-45). Tallest to shortest: Hunk and Keith are a close tie, Lance, Allura, Coran, Shiro, Pidge.

Oldest to youngest (ignoring Altean aging and the whole 10000 yr sleep) : Coran, Shiro, Allura, Pidge, Lance, Hunk, Keith

Allura's hair is more of a amber blonde. It's got like a slight rainbow effect (if that's what that's called) but just warm colors.

Alright less superficial stuff.

Keith's mom had a more outgoing and fun personality,. A lot more laid back and adventurous, but also verocious in battle. She can be passionate about what's right and wrong and what's nessecary. Leaving behind Keith wasn't just a testament to her dedication to to the Marmoran cause, but also to how much she trusted Keith's da with her bean

. Keith's dad was an actual cowboy (took care of cattle and the like) and liked to do funky cowboy dances. Maybe a volunteer firefighter though?

Keith also likes to do funky cowboy dances… when no one’s watching.

Keith had a crush on a neighbor who'd come to dance at their ho-down parties, but yaboi shy af tho so they never actually dated. His dad definitely teased him about his "boyfriend".

After Keith's dad's death, Keith became something of a workaholic, pouring himself into training and school, but was socially and emotionally shut down. He never really properly mourned, and had a hard time with intrusive thoughts whenever he was on the ranch, so he left it completely for the Garrison.

Allura and Coran aren't the last Alteans, the remaining ones are scattered throughout the universe just like the Galra (I mean, that was the whole point of destroying Altea-- to get revenge. So the Altaens dont have a homeworld just like like the Galrans, but the goal was never to wipe them out--- also why would they assume every Altean was on Altea. C'mon.

The Galra were originally very war like. It was their technological advancemencents that the Altaens adapted for more altruistic science. The Galra specialize in weapons and battle ships and communications while the Altaens had tech catered more toward medicine, bioengineering, and observation (telescopes, scanners, etc) But had a culture more deeply rooted in magic and mystic arts. Magic was how they initially came into contact.

Daibazaal had nightmare creatures, Altea had nightmare weather.

Zarkon was a Paladin a bit ironically. The Galra were very confrontational and defensive, often escalating conflicts amongst eachother or other planets into full out war, to the point that they were often seen more as predacious creatures than sentient beings.

Altea was one of the first planets to make peace with Daibazaal and, in-short, begin rehabilitating their image as bloodthirsty monsters, by sharing their diplomatic skills with them. This gave rise to leaders like Zarkon, whom could be very passionate and fierce if e felt threatened, but had the patience to observe and investigate a situation and indeed forged a reputation of robust reliability. Zarkon was a great leader, but was always controlling and power hungry,however those traits were used in healthier ways. Before then, those vices were more or less thoughts in the back of his head. Altea and Daibazaal worked together to forge Voltron, but at the time they were both fairly homogenous peoples (not very diverse in their personalities or mindsets) and so members of other species ended up as the other three paladins. The first Green and Blue paladins were both from the Dalterion belt, with Yellow actually being a wanderer alien of no particular planet (was mixed species too cause scifi).

The Fallout happened because of Altean witches being shady on multiple accounts and a domino effect leading to the death of a paladin. Broken trust, grief, and anger-- along with Altens generally tending to deny or trivialize the existence and influence of witches... or any bad thing in general-- escaelated social problems amongst their respective planets, opening old wounds until the destruction of Daibazaal, turns the Galra on the Alteans.

At first the Black Lion willingly participates, not only sharing the pain and distrust, but also being more nieve influenciable, like a child basically, but eventually it becomes conflicted by the killing and Zarkon's blind rage, and indulgence in his controlling tendencies, still emotionally attached, it rejects Zarkon and allows itself to be locked away, not even trusting itself to choose a good paladin to replace Zarkon.

Then history happens and--

Okay so Lance is indeed a sharp shooter. His whole theme is precision and perfection. He's accurate with just about any weapon, and is phenomenal in tight spaces and dynamic, high-speed settings. Personality wise e tends to be impulsive and impatient, nit picky, vain, and superficial, quick to make other's deviations from an "ideal" out to be a flaw to fix. He starts out really annoying at first but he means well, he's just misguided about image and what-not. Also Lance is the cooky, foody one and a snob about it.

Hunk IS AN ENGINEER, and mechanics/physics expert. He's very attentive to the conditions of things, particularly when it comes to problems, and is good at telling real problems from inperfections. He's a good listener who tends to other's internal turmoils and helps the team mesh together by supporting everyone and tending to their needs. Sometimes this can be a bit onesided as Hunk may sometimes feel he has to be strong and invulnerable for everyone else, becoming burned out or neglecting his own care.

Allura grapples with the fact that Altea's allies turned on them and wiped out everything she knew in a blink. I imagine she's got some trust issues and at first is particularly sensitive to infighting. From her perspective the Galra were either lying the entire time or the very idea of an alliance was fragile to begin with. The fact that it seems the entirety of the Galra went along with wiping out her people and then turning on the rest of the universe muddied her optimism and makes her more wary and hesitant to give the benefit of the doubt.

However, these are more subconsious fears that effect her knee-jerk reaction to things. The other paladins, starting out rough to begin with, and being prone to inner conflicts, help Allura to remember how strong and reliable forged bonds can be. She ends up investigating more of Altean and Galran history to try to make sense of what happened to cause the trust formed between them to collapse.

Shiro's backstory is much like the original.... EXCEPT there's no clone shinanigans. Shiro was absorbed into the black Lion and then revived- unlocking the ability to astral project and teleport.

At first, the Black Lion doesn't accept ANYONE, as the new Paladin, as it's too busy dealing with Shiro's soul or whatever. It's basically a scifi fantasy withdrawal/shutdown as he started to reflect on the fact that defeating Zarkon wouldn't end the imperialism of the Galra empire-- it seems like an impossibly endless feat. So the team has to learn to function without a head to Voltron. This is when Allura really steps up to be more involved on the front lines. She ends up spending alot of time with the black lion, empathizing with it, while also mourning Shiro, and she confides in it, especially given that they were both stuck in the castle for 10k yrs just to jump into a universal war.

So- yeah, eventually, Allura becomes the Black Paladin.

Allura is the one who realizes Shiro is IN the black lion, and works on learning some kind of magic finger flittering to revive him.

After Zarkon's defeat, the team start to see more Galra opposing the Empire, not through flat out fighting it, but basically by under-the-table acts like voting against certain moves, conveiniently failing missions, Becoming secret allies to previously conquered planets (especially if they're on the outskirts of the empire and barely get looked at-- especially as generations pass.

Passive aggression. That's what it is. "Fuck imperialism, but also we were born on this conquered planet and the Empire is still pretty brutal, so. :,/"

The Blade of Marmora are considered a suicide squad and necessary evil for opposing the empire on such an intimate level as they often participate in war acts to maintain their cover, but have been vital in weakening the empire from the inside and gaining intelligence through their many moles. The Blade is part of the reason the Galra haven't advanced even further than they have, haven't found the lions, or Altaens and are only just now developing their super juice. It looks like they haven't done much but they have, especially for an organization that only started forming after the twisted intentions of Galra imperialism became apparent.

Shay joins Hunk and helps maintain the castle ship as a mechanic. She also journals to practice writing and reading. She ends up creating her own little scripts bc she finds them easier to use. It takes some time to teach her the ropes, but she helps out however she can. Gets a bad case of homesickness after a few weeks, but, you know who doesn't. Occasionally she goes back home.

Pidge was always a tomboy :'D So infiltrating the Garrison was more a matter of looking like a different person than a different gender :V. Just makes more sense to me that that would work better than just cutting ones hair and wearing a short and pants instead of a dress.

Mat died for real. Idk, I feel like the show made a big mistake punching me the gut and then going "haha just a prank bro". NOPE. Its my headcanon now. Mat's gonna stay in the ground and enjoy the tears I shed.

Maybe Pidge looks into it, in denial at first, and uncovers some journals or records about Mat that confirmed he was dead but also leads Voltron to new allies. I thought it was a nice touch to show the mortality of rebels, and why more people aren't opposing the Galra.

Prince Lotor gets a complete makeover, He looks a lot more like his dad, and is a bit of a mess. Like in the original, he goes through much the same arc, except he's not this brittish mastermind, he's still really smart, but he's a mess...a lot like Keith, and relatively young, like, younger than Keith (20), so like, 18-19 ish in galran ages. Imagine OG Lotor and LD Keith fused.

UUUMM...

Sendak and Haxus, and Throk. They do more. Like, seriously, they were good villains'. They still get taken out, but its more than just, Haxus falling, Keith just surprise attacking, and... idek what happened to Throk.. did he even die? *does research*

Throk goes rogue, full chaotic evil.

Some shipping stuff since its crossing my mind:

Shiro/Allura, they're literally mom and dad.

Hunk and Shay, are literally sweethearts, I think I'd love for them to be platonic friends too. Either works. Like, c'mon they adore eachother. Beasties frfr.

Like I said before, Keith/hometown cowboy crush. Keith feeling like he's already thrown es life away (the life he had on the ranch with his friends and whatnot) is something that makes him progressively more angsty. He becomes a high-functioning angster, longing for the life e had before the Garrison, but always being more afraid of the pain of all those emotions than the feeling of being alone or afloat.

When thy go back to earth Hometown Crush has also joined the Garrison, but as Casualty Control. I initially chose casualty control just bc I felt it was a pretty cool but overlooked specialty--- but for those who know what it is, it ironically also implies certain things about his and Keith's relationship

I'm thinking, for Lance/Pidge, he initially picks on Pidge a lot, but develops a crush on her bc "Pidge is awesome!". Its one of the first times he's actually been interested in someone for reasons other than looks or status. But, Pidge is not into Lance seeing him as a baby (even at 22) bc he's immature, and initially thinks he's only interested cus shes a girl and Allura already rejected him. She realizes later that he's being genuine, but again he's still pretty immature so it's a bit of a slow burn for them. Like literal years of work flirting- mutual work flirting.

Zarkon/Haggar, but, they weren't together before the "war". Heck, they didn't even know eachother. Haggar was practicing dark magic before and appealed her use the the Galran Empire just to save herself, and expand her reasources. Overtime, she gained a following of druids and floated up the ladder of power until she was at Zarkon's ear.

Seeing that she is the very thing that wedged the Galra and Altaens apart, they're a very ironic pair, and they're aware of this. But its been 10K years of being evil assholes, Zarkon doesn't give 2fucs about Altaens or witches anymore. And his relationship with Haggar has been marinating for a long time... and is mostly platonic... mostly.

I think Zarkon might even find it funny that the Empire is now the perfect entity for witches to thrive in.

Lotor initially is infatuated with Allura, but it's just infatuation. He does get a bit snot-nosed about it, thinking Allura couldn't see past his Galran blood and seeing it as an excuse to rip on her vices, but its a learning point for him to not have his insecurities blind him to reality. He gets over it once he accepts that Allura's disinterest isn't amanifestation of shallowness or a personal attack. She also makes him realize more about himself than the mix blood he's always ridiculed for. Allura salvages it pretty well.

Okay.. that's enough shipping stuff.

As far as endgame go. The show is very much a power of friendship theme, about building connections and mutual care. So, I guess, the endgame would be the sympathetic Galrans, the ones who HAVE learned to appreciate freedom and connections, instead of perpetuating the heirarchal chain of dominance and control, create their own web, and "join the fight" so to speak, by disrupting status Quo's left and right, and employing the empire's own robust tech and man power against it. It's like the American Revolution, but in space.

Call me a glutton for grief, but I was legit actually thinking that Earth would be destroyed just like Altea. All the signs wwere there, the Atlas being built, "Carrying the world", all the romancing about Earth and whatnot.

It seemed like they were going to put us in bith altean and Galran shoes and really make us understand what it meant to have yourworld destroyed, coming full circle. Maybe Haggar even straight up replicates the event that destroyed Daibazaal. And it just went to show not only how far removed modern Galra are from their history, but also snapshotting why it's so impactful when we see everything that we associate with ourselfes and our identity, and the place we called home, obliterated.

Or on a happier, more conclusive note, all the allies Voltron makes along the way make their defense of Earth successful, and they beome the first planet the Galran's fail to conqure, where at the end of the first season, Voltron barely made it out alive facing Zarkon alone.

[caffedrine]

Keith Howell - Chapter 21 Dramatic - Summary

I pretty much have no idea what I’m doing. I don’t trust me, and you shouldn’t either. This summary is not guaranteed to be accurate, it’s mostly written for myself to follow along with the route.

The Court of Rhodolite was always peaceful on the surface. Doubtlessly there were still court intrigues and politics flowing under the surface, but it lacked the tension found in the Jade Court.

Oddly enough, today was an exception to the rule.

Rio speaks to a servant, asking if they visited the east side of the palace. The servant did, but there was nothing out of place. Out loud, Rio contemplates the possibility that they need to look outside of the palace.

From a distance, Keith watches Rio scramble back and forth obviously looking for something. He wonders why Rio looks so unusually panicked.

Well, that’s because someone stole Ms. Bunny.

Turning to face Gilbert, Keith desperately works through Gilbert’s nickname scheme. Is he saying someone stole Emma?

Gilbert admits that even he lost track of her right around noon. And knowing Ms. Bunny, he doubts she would just run away without letting anyone know. That’s why Rhodolite Court is in such a mess right now. Ms. Bunny has been kidnapped.

Still smiling, Gilbert places a hand on Keith’s shoulder, as if worried about how pale the latter is.

Gilbert has heard an interesting rumor recently, that Keith and Emma are lovers. Is Keith familiar with third-rate villains? They’re the kind of people who will kidnap a loved one and hold them hostage to control a person. And now, who knows what will happen to Emma if Keith doesn’t obey them?

So, it’s his fault Emma is in danger.

Probably. Gilbert noticed it was shortly after the messengers from Jade arrived that Emma went missing.

Slowly Keith covers his face, hiding an expression of dismay. Gilbert smiles at him and asks if this is the first time someone has been held hostage against him.

Well, it is the first time, but Keith had known about the possibility and thought he had prepared himself.

Gilbert muses that if Keith is being attacked, he must fight back. But he’s known to be a pushover who can’t stand up for himself. Is Emma doomed to die now? What a cruel fate.

Slowly Keith raises his face from his hands. He admits that Gilbert has the right to it, and thanks him for his advice.

If Jade’s involved, Emma is headed for the border. If he doesn’t hurry up, he won’t be able to track her after the crossing.

Laughing, Gilbert wishes Keith luck. He wonders if Emma will be able to see the true darkness that lies within those with power.

He wonders if the Royal family and the nobility will both perish due to the events today.

Keith assures him that he won’t die. He refuses to let anyone hurt Emma, and he has to be alive to do so. With an unfathomable smile, Keith turns his back to Gilbert and walks away.

Watching him leave, Gilbert muses that it’s bad to be part of the nobility in any country. He has a bad feeling about this.

(Gilbert dipping his toes into being a wingman)

~Several Hours Later~

Entering Keith’s room, Clavis cheerfully calls out to Keith, asking him to forgive the sudden intrusion. However, there is no reply since Keith isn’t actually there, though Dill in his cage flutters about. Following him, Licht complains that he just broke into Keith’s room.

But how can Clavis break in if the door isn’t locked? Besides, Licht witnessed him knocking first. Clavis was just concerned when Keith didn’t reply.

Licht is about to argue when his eyes alight on a letter laid prominently on Keith’s desk. Clavis sees it at the same time and asks Licht to read it to him. Immediately, Licht refuses - looking at the page it’s far too long.

Big brother Clavis believes in him! Just summarize it.

(He believes in Licht)

Complaining that Clavis shouldn’t act like a responsible brother, Licht scans over the page. He tells Clavis that it’s full of apologies, at least one hundred of them.

Okay, is Prince Keith by chance apologizing over anything specific? Maybe something important or relevant to their particular situation?

Licht reads on. From the beginning, Jade was suspecting Rhodolite and Obsidian of having an illegal weapons trade, and Keith’s main purpose was to investigate it.

Okay, that lines up with what Keith had told Sariel and the faction leaders earlier that morning.

Keith originally approached Emma, suspecting that she was an intermediary to the deal. However, using a truth serum, he had found out her true identity as Belle instead.

Truth serum? Clavis’ eyes narrowed in speculation. It sounds like Keith has just volunteered to be Clavis’ new favorite test subject for every last drug he dreams of.

Licht pauses, as if to contemplate this, and then continues reading. Keith has left to go rescue Emma - who has been kidnapped by Jade in an effort to control him. He takes full responsibility for this and promises to send her back to Rhodolite unharmed. The rest of the letter is apologies for the situation.

Clavis considers the implications of the letter - and what Keith is doing. Even though he’s being accused of attempted regicide, he’s run off by himself to rescue Emma.

Right now, Rhodolite is being questioned by the messengers from Jade about Keith’s current whereabouts. Does Licht know what will happen if they can’t produce Keith? The messenger will report that Rhodolite is aiding him. So, what can they do to delay the messenger until this kidnapping gets sorted out?

Seeing Clavis’s gaze on him, Licht immediately refuses to participate.

Oh, but look at the situation. Keith, man with few friends, is daringly running off to rescue the woman he loves. Smiling at Licht, Clavis tells him that he just came up with a wonderful idea. After all, Licht is friends with Keith and must want to help him.

~Some Time, Some Place~

Emma wakes up in a carriage, feeling the vibrations run through her. She is still very drowsy and only woke up because of the carriage running over a large bump.

Struggling to keep her eyes open, Emma looks around. She is unbound in a carriage, and it takes her a while to figure out why she’s there. The last thing she remembers is trying to find Keith in his room. No - wait, the last memory is of a cloth laced with a sweet smell covering her face.

She is alone in the carriage, and she wonders why her hands and feet were unbound. Maybe there was a reason they couldn’t tie her up.

Emma heard a loud noise from outside the carriage. It sounded like voices shouting but the windows are opaque and she cannot make anything out. Is the carriage being attacked?

Emma tries to open the carriage door, only to find it locked from the outside. Then again, she doesn’t know if she should leave. Does the carriage belong to an enemy and is taking her to her room? Or does the carriage belong to an ally, and is bringing her to safety?

The carriage rocks with a sudden blow, and the door buckles. Emma realizes that someone is forcing it open, whether she’s ready or not. Listening closely, she can tell that the outside is eerily quiet, except for the person at her door.

Looking around, Emma can’t see anything that she can use as a weapon or block the door with. The best she can do is cram herself in the farthest nook away from the door.

Suddenly Keith shouts out to Emma. Surprised, Emma calls back and sees that Keith has pried open the door wide enough for her to slip out. It suddenly feels like all the tension in the world that Emma has been unknowingly carrying is gone.

Keith asks if she’s okay, and Emma assures him she is. Then she takes a good look at him and grows afraid. She demands to know where Keith got hurt.

Uh, the blood isn’t his. Keith apologizes for showing up looking so frightening.

In any case, it’s still dangerous here, so Emma needs to exit the carriage and come with him. He warns her that once she exits the carriage, to look directly forward, and not to either side.

Well, Emma isn’t an idiot and can read between the lines. She nods, trying to not show the turmoil she feels on her face. It must work as Keith breathes a long sigh of relief.

He peels off a bloody glove and holds his hand out to her, helping Emma down from the carriage. Very quickly, he circled around to her side, as if trying to use his large frame to block Emma’s sight. Taking a deep breath of the iron-laced air, Emma focuses directly forward as Keith told her to, and walks forward.

They don’t get far into the forest before Keith’s hands are on her shoulders, stopping her. He mutters that there is no end to them, and Emma realizes that there is a man in plain clothes just ahead, with a bare sword in hand. Is this a roadside bandit? No, as more men come out of the trees to surround them, it becomes obvious that they’re particularly hostile, and had been waiting for them.

Keith tells Emma to close her eyes, just for ten seconds. Ten seconds is all he needs to deal with this. Looking at Keith, Emma understands that this is as kind as he can be in this situation. Nice!Keith is bottomless in his kindness, and she accepts it.

Seeing her nod, Keith smiles and steps in front of Emma, his back blocking her sight. He tells the group of assailants that he hates hurting people, but if they refuse to pull back then he will take the appropriate action.

Since her eyes were closed, she can’t grasp all that is happening, but Emma still has ears. It sounds like a life-and-death battle is being fought around her, and the screams of the injured ring in her ears. When Keith guides her forward and tells her to open her eyes, all she can see is the new splatters of blood on his cloak.

Accepting his kindness, Emma doesn’t look at anything behind them.

Keith grows obviously relieved when they come across a villa, and they enter it. He explains that although it belongs to him, few people know about it, as was able to purchase it under a false name. This is his refuge, where he comes to when he wants to be alone.

If it’s a property that Keith owns, Emma surmises that they’re in Jade. Nearby, Keith strips off his blood-soaked jacket as she sits on the sofa. For the first time in a long time, she feels like she can breathe. As the events all catch up with her, her body starts trembling. She clenches her hands, trying to stop shaking and avoid worrying Keith.

Keith kneels in front of her and looks closely at her face. He asks if she’s injured, and she assures him that she’s fine. More importantly, she’s worried about Keith.

Keith quickly assures her that he’s fine, but Emma disagrees. His face is pale, and he looks like he’s about to collapse. Now that things are calmer, she can look at him and really see him, and right now, a strong breeze might knock him over.

Because of Emma, the gentle, and kind Keith drew his sword and killed so many people. She places her hands on his cold cheeks, watching a shadow fall over his golden eyes.

Keith apologizes; he was afraid this entire time. He was convinced that just like his brother, he would lose her too. If he wasn’t fast enough in chasing after her, If he made the wrong choice, if he didn’t arrive in time . . .

Keith didn’t think anything through, instead, all he felt was the need to find her and rescue her as quickly as possible.

Keith’s trembling gets worse, and Emma decides to pretend to not notice it. Abruptly, Keith stands and hugs her tightly to him. Emma is still alive, and at least safer. Emma agrees and thanks him for rescuing her. If Keith hadn’t come for her, who knows what might have happened to her by now? Thinking about it only terrifies Emma more, so instead, she focuses on the warmth of Keith’s arms. His warmth, his smell, all come together to calm her down.

Abruptly Keith realizes what he’s doing and apologizes. It is wrong to hug her without her permission.

. . . so can he hug her?

(Keith is very pro-consent)

Emma gives him permission, on the caveat that he lets her hug him back. Surprised, Keith allows this, and she wraps her arms around him. Their bodies line up without any gaps, and Emma is surrounded by the smell of the forest.

Keith sighs, he’s in trouble now. When she hugs him like this, he wants to hold her for the rest of their lives. He might never be able to let her go. Laughing, Emma tells him that he’s exaggerating. Keith tells her that he’s not, by now she must know how he feels about her.

Emma’s heart jumps strangely, and she asks him if she was kidnapped. Keith admits that she was and apologizes for dragging her into his affairs. He is really, really sorry.

Emma tells him not to apologize, he’s done nothing wrong. She explains that Sariel already told her about how he was accused of regicide and was in the process of being extradited to Jade.

Drawing a deep breath, Keith muses that Emma has heard pretty much the whole of it. Emma agrees, and she has a general overview of Jade’s internal affairs now. The King of Jade’s younger brother, who is Keith’s uncle, is aiming to ascend the throne. To do that, he needs both the King and Keith out of the way.

Keith confirms Emma’s knowledge, adding that she’s probably been recognized as his weakness. When he gets to Jade, Keith is going to be put on trial and questioned about his role in the assassination attempt against the king. Of course, forgeries and false evidence have already been prepared in advance, so there’s a very high chance he’s going to be found guilty.

In a noble trial, the truth doesn’t matter so much as your popularity. It’s an opportunity for nobles to enact their own will and vote on what benefits them, as opposed to finding the true culprit.

Emma is aghast; Keith is a kind prince who cares deeply about Jade, but he’s convinced he’s going to lose based on his lack of popularity. Keith strokes her hair soothingly, and Emma realizes that her anger was showing on her face.

Keith has many enemies among the nobility of Jade, and Emma recalls Sonia’s party. She had met a very unpleasant duke who took delight in telling her disparaging rumors about Keith. The memory angers her, and she admits this to Keith. Smiling, Keith tells her that she’s the only person he knows who would get this angry on his behalf. His arms tighten around Emma as if he’s recovered some of his stamina.

Despite everyone agreeing that he was a failure prince, Keith’s uncle must still be wary of him. There are times when Keith has outdone himself and even he has to agree that he’s succeeded. Keith’s uncle must recognize this as well, and kidnapped Emma to ensure that Keith would announce his guilt at the trial.

Emma grumbles that this is a dirty way of operating, and this farce can’t be considered a real trial. Keith apologizes. Emma asks why Keith is apologizing.

The more they talk, the more upset Emma gets. If Keith didn’t like her so much, she never would have been dragged into his affairs. He was too selfish, letting himself develop feelings for her.

Emma doesn’t agree, the person in the wrong is Keith’s uncle, not Keith. And if he’s selfish, so is she; Emma had plenty of opportunities and warnings to break off whatever it was between them. Even knowing that Keith was a Prince, and a foreign prince at that, she stepped into this mess.

Keith apologizes again, and Emma interrupts him. She reminds him that she doesn’t want him to apologize to her, he’s not to blame for every bad event that happens in their lives. She recalls a similar scene, where she warned Keith that his words don’t just hurt her, but himself.

Ever since Sariel told her about Keith’s circumstances, Emma has been thinking about how few people Keith has to rely on. Rhodolite can’t get involved with foreign politics, and he has few allies in Jade. But the malice he is facing is too much for a single person to face; so, Emma wants to help him. She doesn’t know what she can do, but since she’s been dragged in, she must have some rights and abilities.

Emma promises to fight together with Keith, she refuses to sit on the sidelines and watch.

Keith is amazed, he mumbles that she really –

Suddenly Keith stumbles, almost falling on top of Emma. As she shouts his name, Keith falls down.

[2deadkat]

I think the Stilton siblings should have an Elric brothers type dynamic.

Grown up together so they knew each other since they were kids, studied the same proficiency, and always does the journey together. Not to mention a strong sibling bond…and also one is gentle the other is a hot head

That’s how I would write them in the deadkat interpretation anyway

[keithkog]

That urge to drive around and go to a knife shop at 3 in the morning is killing me. They likely wouldn’t even be open, why am I thinking about this.. I have a sizable collection already, though it would be great to find more daggers and sheepsfoot blades..

Guess these are what people call intrusive thoughts?

-Keith

[thirstyshipper]

Dude I just finished reading your Buck/Keith fic on AO3 and it's fucking amazing. I love the way you portray Keith's inner thoughts and the obsessive intrusions. Also Bucks reactions to it. I can't wait to see where you go with it whenever you come back to it!

AHHHH thank you so much!

That means so much-

Chapter 3 is already in the works and I hope it will live up to your expectations!

But getting comments like these always motivate me, so thank you thank you thank you!! 💛💛💛

[keithhoward]

ooc. 🌱 And ❌ for Keith

[ 🌱 ] what themes are relevant to your muse?

In theory, death, rebirth, recovery, and all the epic highs and lows that come with it.

In execution I open his mouth to speak and this happens:

[ ❌ ] is there something your muse struggles with that they might never overcome? what is it? why do they have so much trouble with it?

Addiction is just the kind of thing you have to stay vigilant on the rest of your life. The suicidal ideation and intrusive thoughts are another struggle to the point he just accepts them as a normal function of his brain. He's unwilling to talk to anyone about anything deeply or genuinely personal, both as a matter of trust (he's had his struggles televised as mass entertainment before) and masculinity hang-ups, and doesn't want to touch the medication side of things at all. He figures he's powered through them this far on his own, and even if he can't anymore, it's not really gonna matter to anyone anyway.

[ratsoh-writes]

(to jasper)

oh- you can't compliment someone's magic without it being a come-on *side-eyes jasper*

also, Grimbley told me if you refuse to hold someone's baby, it's apparently an insult to their family. like- i'm not trying to insult anybody! i'm just not a fan of babies- or children- in general. also what if i drop the infant (intrusive thought)??

-void keith

Jasper let’s out an audible gasp

Jasper: BUT BABY!! BABY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POSSESSION, ITS SO HARD TO HAVE ONE-

He blushes

Jasper: er- FROM WHAT MY FRIENDS HAVE TOLD ME

[mins0o]

Book Review #001

<Impro: Improvisation and The Theatre> by Keith Johnstone

We all have our own unique creativity within us, but often fear holds us back from unleashing it. We worry about being judged as lunatic or too edgy, and even doubt ourselves for not coming up with something groundbreaking enough. Do not deny your thoughts. Everyone has interesting weird thoughts. You don't need become lunatic and edgy to be creative, but don't try to suppress those ideas or pretend they don't exist. Accept your thoughts for what they are and let yourself be creative without fear of judgment. That's how you become creative.

This review was written while I wasn't focusing too much. If you are reading this, just take the message and don't dig too much.

I read this book in Korean.

I'm not familiar with the author nor the book. I was given this book by my "사수" or "SenPai" at work. He was a person who likes to gift books. He wrote a short letter on a blank page at the front of the book that he don't remember much of the content, but the concept of "Exchange of status", the fact that there always is difference of status between any group of more than two people, has left a strong impression on him. It's something that he would often think about at work.

Well, that's him. I also agree it's an interesting thought and it's a good tool to have in my pocket for social interaction, but thinking in such way is tiring, isn't it? I prefer to think of human interactions as "intention" and "desire" based. In my model of human interactions, good communication can reach the optimal result for both. It is not about who is higher or lower, and is about understanding each other's needs, and sometimes even one's own needs too.

My favorite part of this book was on creative thoughts, but let me correct my coworker's view on the "status" that the author was talking about. The way I took it is: "It is easier to make interesting human interactions if you keep in mind about the mechanics of the actors or the characters." After all, this book is about improvisational theatre. And I see that how it can help actors to put themselves in character with this approach.

In my favorite part when the author talks about how he was discouraged about his imaginations. There were mainly three reasons on why. The first thing that popped up in his mind felt either: - lunatic - edgy - or not creative enough I have been suffering about this for a long time too. Intrusive thoughts, curiosity and genuinely new thoughts have been punished by others but mostly by myself. The fear of being judged and ridiculed couldn't overcome my desire to explore anything.

The author continues to blame the schooling system for growing us as these "socially acceptable" and restrictive people. I can understand why he might think so, but I do not agree completely. Those intrusive thoughts should also learn to cope with the society and to be considerate and helpful to others too. I would agree that the school systems do too much to restrict us, but you shouldn't let them kill your thoughts.

The reason why I like about this part is because I felt understood and I felt I found solution. We all have unacceptable thoughts, and although we try our best to not show them, we sometimes actually like to see the ideas released. We don't have to embrace the edgy thoughts, but shouldn't shy away from it. Just accept your thoughts. And you don't have to try too hard to become "creative" your thoughts are already unique, even if they look plain on the surface.