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wearespecialuniqueandimportant · 1 day ago

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They Simply Believe We Aren't The Same. They Simply Abandon Us And Belittle Us By Choice. None Of Their Response Was Actually Torwards Us. That Cisgender Nonbinary Abuser Was HUMILIATED We Would Have An Issue And Nothing But Cried Torwards Other People Watching HOW MUCH WE DESERVE TO BE ABUSED!!!! Something We Experience Every Single Day Without An Escape What The Human Domestication Guide Affini Want. That Other Garbage Aswell Posted For Waste That Buy Their Propaganda And End With Some Victim Blame Torwards Us After Seeing We Dislike And Get Triggered By Victim Blame Thinking That's Fun To Have A Little Sadistic Game Torwards Us. They Don't Understand Morality And Never Will. They're Insulted By Nonsense. They're Sanist Bigot Bored Of Their Worldviews That Wish They Could Be Fascist. That's Their Wish Fulfillment Their Fantasy To Be Hitler's Drug Pet And Ban Anyone Against NAZI IDEOLOGY. And Looking Like A Good Person On Top. You're Like How Republicans Are Messed Up And Make The World Worse. You're The Same. No Different From Eachother. Abuser Bigot Too Monster To See That. I Was Abused Unphysically. Projected Into An Insane Gasslighter. But Hearing The Words I Said Would've And Did Make Me Feel Good. Clearly They're A Bad Wrong Person An Abuser Police Incapable. That Is WRONG Tumblr Listened To The Worthless Opinion Of This Abuser Garbage. They're All SANIST AS FUCK. Thinking Things Like "You're Just Faking!!!! Everything Is Made Up!!!! You're Just Some Internet Troll!!!! THIS WHAT I THINK OF ALL HISTRIONIC NARCISSIST I SEE ONLINE!!!! I DON'T UNDERSTAND THEM AND NEVER WILL I AM A MISOGYNIST!!!!" This Is All Red Flags Red Flags Red Flags. And Doesn't Matter How Many You Bring Up. Human Domestication Guide Will Never CHANGE Their Status Quo. At This Rate Republicans Will Win Because These People Are Too Busy Masturbating At Human Domestication Guide They Don't Have The Time To Vote.

Anything Else Too Progressive For Their YOU'RE JUST COPING!!!! COPING IS EVIL AND SHOULD BE DRUGGED AWAY!!!! Worldview.

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Hot Words. So Sexy. Feel Otherwise You're Paraphobic. The Nonbinary Waste Certainly Was. Human Domestication Guide The Story That Hates Paraphilia Who Thinks We're Subhuman And Should D**. The Series That Makes Anyone Invalid If They Support. Any Other "I DON'T CONDONE THIS BEHAVIOUR!!!!" Being Obviously Paraphobic Too They Always Meant The Paraphilia. "PARAPHILIA MAKES YOU AN ABUSER!!!!" Meanwhile Paraphilia People Are All Banned. Oppressor Words. Pathetic Abuser Gasslight. Or "This Behaviour" Being Excactly The Oppressed Paraphilia That Literally Isn't Wrong And Opposite. Showcase They're Paraphobic. Like The F*** Of Class Of 09. Or The Chi** Ooh... Or The No C****** Of Human Domestication Guide... The Dr*** Or 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️. Things I Support That Aren't "Just Fiction" But Real Things That Should Be Allowed. They're Ungenuine Garbage PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT ME THE THINGS I SAY. They Can't Even Look At My Eyes... And Apologise To Me... They Can't Say "I'M SORRY!!!! I'LL K*** MY**** NOW!!!! I FEEL SO ASHAMED!!!!" The Only Thing They Should Say. I Aren't An Abuser I Am A Paraphilia Narcissist And So Are You. You DESERVE A Ban From Everywhere For Paraphobia. And Despite That... I Still Didn't Ban You. Meanwhile They're Against All Those Things. While Talking Like WE'RE Against Their Potrayal When WE Want Them Potrayed RIGHT. While THEY Want Them Shunned And Called Unokay. While Their Horny Ass Masturbate At The Things They Take From Others Anyways. The Human Domestication Guide Hypocrisy. What I Am Very. Very. Angry Torwards.

#Trans Woman Lesbian Pansexual Polysexual Paraphilia Asexual Demisexual Psychopath Narcissist Suomi Finland Finnish Anime Writing Relatable #Love Autism Adhd Tourette Npd Hpd Bpd Dpd Ppd Aspd Avpd Ocpd Szpd Stpd Osdd Spd Tpd Sdpd Papd Cptsd Bipolar Psychosis Scizophrenia Trauma #Victim Radqueer Feminist Communist Anarchist Mariakin Mariabunch Mother Goddess Angel Sisters Princess Multiple Dimensions Amazing Admirabl #Funny Sexism Racism Queerphobia Ableism Sanism Paraphobia Agephobia Bodyphobia Sickphobia Antipsychiatry Antiprison Antischool Comedy Crazy #Hilarious Human Domestication Guide Impressive Borderline Histrionic Sociopath Survivor Rejection Empowering Identity Black Asian White Nic

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sepublic · 3 years ago

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The Golden Guard: Eda’s Dark Parallel?

Does anyone else think that the Golden Guard actually reminds Lilith a LOT of Eda, specifically Eda as a kid, during the good old days before she got cursed?

Think about it… They’re both sassy, hot-headed teen prodigies with an owl motif and yellow attire. And the way Lilith angrily talks about the Golden Guard, it seems her feelings of resentment mirror how she felt towards Eda back when they were kids? Lilith, who was by-the-book and traditional, worked so hard… And then there’s this younger person with an Owl motif who just swoops in out of nowhere and through talent, completely outclasses her!

If you go with the idea that Lilith wanted Gwendolyn’s approval and had to compete with Eda over that… Then for all we know, maybe Lilith lowkey wanted Belos’ approval as well, but felt like she was being cheated out of that with the Golden Guard, who kept stealing the spotlight from her!

Like she was afraid he’d take her spot as head of the Emperor’s Coven, the way Lilith feared that Eda would win the initiation duel back when they were kids… And lo and behold, the Golden Guard DID take that! Granted Lilith left an obvious vacancy from her own betrayal of Belos so of course he took that spot, but still; It’s quite a sore spot.

In some ways, perhaps Lilith is aware of this, deep-down or not; She might see the Golden Guard as just Young Eda, but without any of the emotional connection, nor any redeeming qualities; If he does have them, again, it’s not like Lilith knows the Golden Guard well enough to know these traits, much less take them into account.

LOTS of text and speculation and analyses below!!!

The Golden Guard is even sixteen years old… Which, is very likely EDA’s age, back when her and Lilith competed for the Emperor’s Coven! That can take on a whole new, dark meaning for her…

Perhaps Lilith is low-key disturbed by the Golden Guard’s existence, because he reminds her too much of Young Eda? Eda, before she was cursed- So it’s like the memory of her is coming back to haunt Lilith, in the form of someone who has no concern for Lilith whatsoever to hold him back, unlike the actual Eda.

And in a way, it’s a horrible reminder that some things never change, that some things stay the same and Lilith can’t get past them, she can’t outgrow it like she thought she did; Because even now, even as head of the Emperor’s Coven, there’s still a 16-year-old prodigy with an owl motif and yellow attire, who is sassy and playful and mischievous, who threatens to upstage Lilith’s self-esteem and sense of power. Somebody Lilith is afraid of; Thirty years later, and she STILL has to deal with this kind of person in her life, but it’s worse because she’s actually older and should be better, yet somehow isn’t…

Who knows? Maybe Lilith even recognized the similarities to Eda, enough to actually be sympathetic to the Golden Guard at first? Perhaps she, on some level, saw the Golden Guard as a way to vicariously redo her past with Eda, but without the mistakes… Maybe she tried to be nice to the Golden Guard, but then he quickly turned out to be a snob, he’s not REALLY Eda; So Lilith settled on never cursing him like she did Eda, but then otherwise decided that she didn’t owe him any love and could just quietly loathe his guts.

Lilith failed Eda in part because she was an older sister who abandoned her in a time of need, but there’s not really that expectation with the Golden Guard, so why bother? She’s got enough on her plate as is, and an ACTUAL Eda to worry about, to look after, to be concerned for and patch things up with.

I’ve even seen people make the very good point that in a lot of ways… The Golden Guard is like a Dark Eda? In the sense that, he’s Eda, had she joined the Emperor’s Coven as a kid. He’s a look at Young Eda, if she didn’t reject the Coven System, and joined Belos- Reveling in her own talent and power as granting her ‘special treatment’ over the rest, so any downsides to the coven system weren’t HER problem anyway!

Again, this adds another layer to the Golden Guard being very reminiscent of Young Eda, and even current Eda as well… Except, he never lost his magic and was never cursed. Maybe that’s another thing he unknowingly haunts Lilith over; He’s lowkey a reminder of what Eda could’ve been, had Lilith not been selfish and a coward, or had she communicated better. Yet at the same time, he’s frustrating- Because the Golden Guard is like the worst parts of Eda, the parts that Lilith hated and made her resentful…

And this constant reminder of the past, of her own issues with Eda back then that culminated in the curse- It could’ve made it a LOT harder for Lilith to really resolve things with Eda, because this kid keeps reminding her why she was so angry, and it’s impossible for her to move on because the Golden Guard isn’t some distant memory, but an actual person who continues to threaten her, the way Eda had…

And of course, the Golden Guard reminds Lilith of the Eda she lost; The happy, carefree Eda who wasn’t cursed, the Eda she could’ve had in a sense. The Eda that Lilith in some ways wanted, yet is forced to confront and acknowledge is a very obnoxious and terrible person that makes her unhappy…

And this kind of rude reminder that the Eda that Lilith wanted would’ve continued to make her miserable, if not moreso, is not something she appreciates shattering her dreams and low-key denial, of a world where things had just been a little different.

The person you’re trying to get, maybe get BACK, wasn’t so great after all- So you just have to move on, and be glad for the Eda who IS happier with her life and more mature, despite being older and more cursed. You gotta move past your guilt Lilith, and realize that Eda is in a better place- Not that she ever needed the curse, but she doesn’t quite need saving from the parts of her life she actually chose for herself, in part to be kind to Lilith no less! Because I bet Lilith believes that deep down, she didn’t deserve Eda’s kindness, so she wishes to reverse that compassionate decision of Eda’s that only resulted in Eda suffering because of how terrible Lily secretly is.

But, back to the subject; There’s more similarities to Eda and the Golden Guard, especially at the end of Separate Tides; How he makes an ominous warning before casually, happily yelling “BYYEEEE!!!”, just like Eda when she warns Luz about trying to have a Moonlight Conjuring in Hooty’s Moving Hassle, before heading off to the Night Market. His widow’s peak even bears a decent resemblance to Eda’s, doesn’t it? Which…

Combined with all of the talk about bird motifs being a Clawthorne thing, it DOES raise many questions about the Golden Guard’s potential connection to Eda. Is he some long-lost son? A third child that Gwendolyn had later in life, because witch biology might allow them to do that? Some homunculus, crafted from bits of DNA from Eda, and maybe even Belos? Belos does seem weirdly fond and trusting of him, the two are placed together in the Season 2 outro when nobody else, not even Kikimora, is there; And of course, the Golden Guard wields a staff, red magic, and fleshy creations, VERY similar to Belos…

I can’t say for sure- But the idea of the Golden Guard as an alternate Eda is fascinating. An Eda who became completely arrogant, and didn’t stop to care about others; Her cockiness and mischief becoming cruel and obnoxious, essentially the worst parts of Eda, down the path she’d always dreaded. A look into another life, a different choice in such a pivotal part of her past… Personally, I LOVE this kind of dark parallel of a character, so I’m hoping these similarities are commented upon in-universe, assuming they’re not outright literal!

In a way, the Golden Guard could haunt Eda, because he reminds her of herself… Of her carefree youth, but what she could’ve had… But also, the terrible things she’d done. And obviously Eda despises the coven system too much to really change her mind, and it’s safe to say that the Golden Guard is not at all what she wanted to ever become… But still, it’s a neat bit of character writing and parallelism. If Belos is like a Dark Luz, what Luz could’ve been had she not grown… And the same could apply between King and Kikimora;

Then who knows? The Golden Guard could be a Dark Eda, who got by talent and continued to take things for granted. An Eda who swore loyalty to Belos and was embraced by the emperor for her skill and ability. Jovial and cheery, but without any of the actual compassion that makes this genuine with Eda. An immature brat who never grew up (granted he’s only sixteen and hasn’t gotten the chance), unlike Eda. And if the Golden Guard is an alternate Eda;

It’s fascinating how his roles are reversed with his alternate Luz… The Eda parallel is younger than the Luz parallel, learning from them, and taking after their motifs as well! But I guess it’s not all too surprising, with how Eda and Luz both learn from one another, though I suspect Belos and the Golden Guard aren’t as mutual, but who knows?

It does make you wonder about Kikimora and King as potential mediators between these duos, whose placement remains consistent… How does Kikimora, the King parallel, interact with her Luz and Eda? Did she become close friends with HER Luz, while, as Dana’s art suggests, she seems somewhat irritated by and resentful of her own Eda? So it’s like Eda and King never grew to be friends and conquer differences… As well as if King never grew to respect Luz and saw her as just a “f*cking nerd”?

With how Luz is taking after Eda, and possibly getting a Cardinal palisman to complete the Clawthorne motif as a new member of the family… Who knows? The Golden Guard could be an intriguing character for her to bounce off of narratively, maybe as someone Luz might have, in another universe, learned to look up to and admire? How well Luz’s relationship be with the Golden Guard, if they are a Dark Eda? And how can this indirectly show us about how Luz and Young Eda would’ve interacted, what Young Eda was like, what Lilith went through as a kid…

And, for all we know- The Golden Guard’s owl motif doesn’t hint at a pre-existing connection to the Clawthornes, but rather a future one… Maybe he’ll end up being adopted by Eda, the way Luz was? I’d love to see the Golden Guard become an evil older sibling who’s protective of Luz…

I ADORE that trope to death; Evil older brother with bright, younger sister, whom he cares about, and the sister cares for him too, even if it’s complicated because the sister believes in the brother to be better, while the brother doesn’t want to be better, or is at least reluctant about having to change…

I’d love to see another Hugo and Kipo dynamic, and actually… If the Golden Guard parallels Eda, then who’s his Lilith? Could it be Luz herself? I’ve talked before the similarities between Luz and Lilith, as kids who were bullied and struggled with a lack of talent, but made up for it with hard work and ingenuity; They’ll give you a lot of trouble for doing the right thing, but then happily leap at the opportunity if they think someone is improving.

And, as Separate Tides has also shown us; They both grapple with guilt over making Eda suffer, unintentionally to varying degrees. Luz and Lilith both learn that they’re not a burden and that it’s okay to ask for help, and come to terms with their guilt with Eda… If Belos and the Golden Guard are Luz and Eda reversed, then could Luz and the Golden Guard also be Lilith and Luz, reversed?

With the Eda parallel being the older sibling in this scenario… An alternate timeline where Eda and Lilith were the same people, but switched places in birth, and it was EDA who ended up being the cruel and toxic sibling who left the younger feeling demeaned and worthless. I imagine if that were the case, the Golden Guard’s toxicity would occur largely in the beginning, as he acts adversarial to Luz and mocks her, taunts her over Eda’s loss of magic, and her own glyphs no doubt; The Golden Guard doesn’t seem to acknowledge glyphs as a valid form of magic himself.

But then, if he were to get a redemption, the Golden Guard’s tune might change as he matures and learns to treat Luz more kindly… In a way mimicking how Eda really grew to care for Luz, but also the way Eda has begun to reconnect with Lilith, except with the Golden Guard as the one with the baggage and guilt.

And, a redemption might not be too implausible, because… He is literally only sixteen, the same age as Emira and Edric, and likely the same age as Eda when SHE was cursed. Younger than Lilith, when she made the worst mistake of her life, because she didn’t understand the coven system for what it truly was –and who could blame her?- and was grappling with a likely terrible mother in Gwendolyn… The Golden Guard is literally a minor, and possibly an overworked teen prodigy.

After all, the first glimpse of his personality Dana gave us, way back in 2020, was of the Golden Guard admitting that he was tired; And despite his usually cheery personality, all of our glimpses at his face behind the mask (symbolism!) have had him look likely serious and glum… But then again, we don’t see the lower half of his face, so who knows?

Perhaps the Golden Guard is abused and overworked by Belos, kind of like Amity with her parents… The Golden Guard is a child dealing with a very toxic influence, and a huge burden of responsibility no less. And with all the potential connections to Belos as maybe even a literal father, or at least a parental figure, it’s not hard to see why the Golden Guard would turn out so messed up. And the Golden Guard being ‘tired’ could be a connection to how Eda is left exhausted from her curse, too.

So, who knows? Because of his age, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect, or at least hope, for a redemption for this kiddo. But a recent sister show to The Owl House has taught me anything, kids aren’t free from death, and Infinity Train made it clear that you can humanize and sympathize and mourn someone who deserved better, yet ultimately dug their grave and was condemned to a sudden death because of that; All because they didn’t know any better, and really couldn’t have.

And on another note- Maybe the Golden Guard has owl motifs like Eda… Because in a lot of ways, he actually admires her? He admires the Owl Lady, or at least the certain ‘past’ version that others such as Lilith may have brought up… Maybe the Golden Guard seeks to supplant Eda the Owl Lady as The Most Powerful Witch in the Boiling Isles. Maybe he sees himself as Eda, but better, and this rebellious, hot-headed kid feels the need to prove himself by defeating someone he sees himself in.

Maybe the Golden Guard is like Lilith, as someone who wishes Eda could’ve joined the coven system, and he’s disappointed in how all her talent was ‘wasted’ on other things. Maybe the Golden Guard was disappointed in Eda losing her magic, losing further respect for his ‘problematic idol’, and/or he felt some validation and vindication in being a successor to Eda.

Does he hold some grudge? Did the Owl Lady’s power excite him, give the Golden Guard a goal to recklessly challenge and defeat, so he can experience the thrill of victory and add to this feeling of invincibility that teenagers, especially the talented ones, have?

Eda as a kid, and even now, has always been fond of spiting what others say she can’t do, or setting new precedents and accomplishments to prove herself. Maybe the Golden Guard is like that, and hopes to take on the onus of outdoing the Owl Lady; Perhaps he admires Eda, and wishes she could’ve joined a coven like him. As an outside admirer, he mourns Eda’s ‘potential’ in a way similar to Lilith, but different; Because he’s a kid who looks up to her, and not an older sibling that has an actual childhood with Eda. If so, then that’s another dark parallel to Luz;

After all, Luz got frustrated by Eda in Adventures in the Elements. So maybe the Golden Guard is someone who grew resentful of Eda for not living up to the legend he hoped, the image he wanted, sort of like Lilith! I’ll go out on a limb and even suggest him as a past apprentice, who unlike Luz, never learned to be patient and appreciate Eda’s teachings, so he turned to the coven system and Belos for easy gratification. He didn’t want to be challenged… And in that way, the Golden Guard could parallel my speculation on Belos, as also a Dark Luz.

So of course, it makes sense that Belos would recognize this same dilemma in the Golden Guard, and perhaps be sympathetic and take him under his wing for it. Eda might not recognize the Golden Guard because he’s changed a bit himself, is hiding his own identity –Lilith doesn’t seem to know much about the witch beneath the mask either, just the public image and façade- and Eda’s been having memory issues. Maybe this will add to the Golden Guard’s resentment, who knows? He really might just be a rebellious teen who Eda failed, unlike with Luz… And that could add to more envy, perhaps.

At the very least; Dana’s fondness for the Golden Guard takes on a whole new meaning… What with how Eda is pretty much one of, if not THE most favorite character of hers, the one who really jumpstarted this entire show and world to begin with… Having this other character she likes essentially be a canon AU version of that beloved creation, would certainly make a lot of sense! Dana likes Eda, she likes to show us about Young Eda; So a character who IS Young Eda, just on a different path, would likely appeal to her. We’ll see…

I think it’s worth noting that in her art of the Golden Guard, it depicts him as essentially a normal, lazy teenager who’s asking someone else to do his chore for him, while he lounges around to do something else. I could see a young Eda as occasionally fulfilling that role and asking her older sister Lily for a favor- And maybe this could allude to the Golden Guard being frequently exhausted from being overworked himself, hence “I’m tired” and wanting to extend his breaks as much as possible. We’ll just have to wait and see…

#the owl house #the owl house golden guard #the golden guard #the owl house the golden guard #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #the owl house belos #emperor belos #speculation #theory #analysis #essay #the owl house hunter

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gffa · 4 years ago

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Shit, now I’m thinking again about the structure of Star Wars fandom versus Star Wars source material creators and I feel like there’s a fascinating discussion to be about how there’s a blurring line between “fan” versus “author/artist/creative” with the way LF is hiring so many popular fans to create source material content for them. And part of that discussion is that there’s no real easy way to tell where the creator ends and the fan begins, especially when LF has been spending increasing amounts of effort to make people act as if liking Star Wars is now part of your personality, that it defines who you are as a person. I look at popular YouTubers being asked to host segments during Celebration or I look at popular fans on Twitter getting to draw official art for LF or the accounts of writers of the SW books, and it’s impossible to tell where the fan begins and the creator ends. Which I don’t think strikes a lot of people as a problem, the sheer number of people who work for LF are all like, “I’m also a Star Wars fan!” and that’s not inherently bad, I think being fan can really, really help them love what they do and have passion for it and you can tell they care about what they put out, even when they’re working for a giant megacorporation. Nor do I think “just doing your job” is an inherently great way to produce SW material, either. And maybe part of my problem is the separation of creator and fan made it more navigable when interacting with someone, like, let’s say I don’t like a SW book, because they signed a contract to write a book for Lucasfilm, there’s a level of agreeing to people reacting to your work. They are a professional writer, they can put their big kids’ undies on and deal with it. But I can’t and shouldn’t do the same for a fanfic that someone wrote, because they’re another fan, they don’t have the same influence or reach, nor did they sign a contract to be part of that kind of thing. So, are they fan or creator? This weird mix of both--and I haven’t even touched on how I’m starting to wonder when LF will be hiring more based on popularity than talent--on the surface feels like it’s trying to be a big, cozy family, but it’s not, it’s a business and a product. And that part is bad, too, but also I’m thinking about how fandom etiquette has certain rules, that you shouldn’t be a dick to other fans (and there’s this whole big other conversation about fandom treating someone who likes something they don’t as the same as being actively horrible as a person, how there are behaviors in fandom that are genuinely worth talking about/examining and then there’s people who hate me just because I like Character A and not Character B or whatever, that this is a difficult morass that we all need to work harder on) but if they’re both fans and creators, then how the hell are you supposed to interact with them? Are they a professional or a fan? Because half the time I don’t even know anymore. That distinction is important because, even if you should keep scale in mind, when you criticize an author on something, you’re criticizing up. They’re still a human being, but they’re also a professional. When you criticize a fellow fan, you’re criticizing someone parallel to you. Yes, their amount of being popular on the internet can be a factor and being a fan doesn’t get you immunity from criticism, but they are still just a fan and should be treated as such.

#lumi.txt

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solarsavoy · 2 years ago

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WIP Wednesday, Patreon

I know it's not a fanfic, but it is a work in progress. I'm trying to get it set up so that anyone who wants to support my work as an artist and writer can do so. I'm very fortunate to have the job I have now, but it is temporary. It could end at any time, and in order to get the same amount of income again, I'd have to find a full time job and pick up more hours at my restaurant job to compensate. This will greatly cut into the amount of time I have now for doing the things I love, telling stories through art and writing.

And if I don't start now, I won't be able to as easily later.

So here it is.

I'm trying to form a habit of posting all my sketches and linework WIPS for my art onto Patreon. I currently only have one tier and for now, everything will be available under that tier until I get a little more organized with things. I plan on keeping tier one at 1 USD and building off that with additional tiers later.

I'm planning on offering early access to pictures and someday, access to my original writings such as Gerit and Krystar. Gerit is currently on hold and being posted on AO3, but it's been on hold for so long that I may just post the entire writing onto Patreon before the pictures are finished.

I've been putting off working on my book a while now and part of the reason is because I'm wary of publishing through Amazon by myself this time. I could find a publisher, but I've heard that it's highly unlikely and nearly impossible to have control over my own covers. I wouldn't mind finding someone with more knowledge about making covers, but the thing is, the covers are part of the story in the case of the Fragment series for Krystar. As time changes, so will the covers, and if I don't have control over my covers, I can't do that, so I'm doing it alone. For now.

I do plan on publishing again, but until it's up on Amazon or some other platforms, I wanted to make it available to anyone else interested in the meantime until I work it all out.

I'm also planning on opening up for commissions sometime soon and Patrons will be able to get a discount on them. Pricing will vary depending on what's requested, but I'm thinking along the lines of 30 USD as a base and then the price will increase depending on the level of detail a person wants in the background, amount of subjects, etc. Patrons will get a 10 USD discount if they are a supporting Patron.

I feel like I'm so small right now as a content creator, but I'm really hoping to be able to build enough of a living off it so I can keep doing it. Realistically, I don't know if I'll ever make enough to live off my writing and art alone, but it's a dream, you know? And this is where it starts.

Even if I make more tiers and start limiting what's available to tier 1, I won't ever get rid of it because like me, I'm sure some can only afford so much. But support takes all kinds of forms. If all you have is a dollar (or your country's equivalent), then it helps. If all you can do is reblog, that helps. If my work inspires you or you simply enjoy it enough to tell a friend, that helps. And I appreciate anything you're willing to do to support me.

I'll let you know when I open up for commissions, but that's it for WIP Wednesday. My Patreon account is already open and up, but I'm working on a new kind of banner for the page. There's a link on my pinned post. I'll add it here when I get home. My internet capabilities are really limited while I'm at work, which is where I am now. 😅

Edit: Link to Patreon.

Thanks for reading.

#daily delivery #WIP Wednesday #patreon #support is everything #hopes and dreams

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jupitermelichios · 4 years ago

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On a more possitive note, I’ve started watching Sword Art Online. It’s one of the worst things I’ve ever seen (and the last film I saw in cinemas was Cats to give you context for the scale i’m working on here) and I kind of adore it in much the same way I love garbage like Smallville or Twilight. It’s so stupid on so many levels. You could challenge someone to write the worst anime, and it would almost certainly be better than SAO. It’s almost hypnotic how terrible it is.

No one should watch this terrible terrible show so I therefore don’t feel at all bad that I’m about the spoil absolutely everything, but honestly if you do also hate-watch this please come talk to me about how terrible it is. I don’t know anyone else who watches it.

Highlights of Season 1 include:

everyone is trapped in an MMO, and if you die in the MMO you die IRL. but if you were a beta-tester you’re probably fine because they just let them keep all their levels and items from the testing, so they’re all massively OP and everyone just accepts this as a normal and non-game-breaking thing

it’s a fantasy MMO but there’s no races, no magic system, no weapons except swords and maces, and not even an option to dual wield - literally all you can do in this fucking game is stand in front of an enemy and mash the attack button. I’m pretty sure they’re trapped there because the devs realised no one would play this post launch-day otherwise because it’s boring as shit

when the villain traps everyone he also just changs all their avatars to look like they do IRL for absolutely no reason, like actually none, he doesn’t even say he thinks it would be funny, he just does it and no one questions it and it is literally never mentioned again because this is the worst TV show ever animated.

in the second episode the main character deliberately witholds information about how to defeat a boss, indirectly causing multiple deaths. there is absolutely no reason for him to withhold it, he was just being a jerk because he doesn’t like people

in the third episode they reset his entire personality and he’s now a selfless hero pretending to be a lower level than he really is so people will find him more relateable and be his friend because all he wants is to help people. this is not a consequence of episode 2, they just decided they didnt like the character as he’d previously been written.

he makes some new friends who are all objectively terrible people who have decided for no season that the twelve year old who doesn’t really know how to play and keeps having anxiety attacks about the very real possibility of death has to be the guild tank. the MC is high enough level to be functionally immortal in like half the levels, but doesn’t tell anyone this he just lets them go on bullying this child

none of his friends survive that episode, in the game or IRL. which is also a christmas epsiode. a child dies in battle because she’s a terrible tank and then a man commits suicide out of guilt, so then the main character murders santa to try and bring them back from the actual dead but it doesn’t work because again, this is a video game and they are dead IRL, so then he walks off into the snow alone. Christmas!

we meet the best character in the entire show in episode 4, Rosalia, who has gone evil and started just straight murdering people because she’s sick of being an attractive adult woman who can’t get a date because she’s surrounded by lolicons who are only interested in the preteen characters (not a joke, that comes up, the show is firmly on the side of the lolicons)

in the same episode we get an extended bra and panty sequence staring an actual fucking child, like canonically this character is maybe 13 at best. this is one of only 2 occaisions when they feel the need to undress a character and it’s the fucking 12 year old, it’s so gross it reads like a parody of itself

literally every single named female character aged over 8 who talks to the MC falls in love with him after like 5 minutes (and in season 2 this includes his actual sister). he shows absolutely no interest in any of them (including his sister, thank god) until...

the main character gets engaged to a girl he only knows from an MMO after a virtual single date (he doesn’t actually win her in a PVP match but only because he looses the match, he 100% canonically tries to win her in a match, which she is apparently fine with). he then doesn’t bother to ask for her real name until the final episode, he just calls her by her screen name

(that’s okay though becuase it turns out that this moron of a love interest used her real name, on a local server, in a game where your character looks like you do IRL, because apparently getting doxxed is her hobby)

they then get in-game married off screen. there’s not even like a still of a wedding photo. nothing. the main character proposes and then the show immediately jumps to the honeymoon, it’s fucking bizarre.

they find a creepy child dressed all in white with no memory alone in the woods a week into their honeymoon who starts calling them mommy and daddy literally seconds after they first meet her, and they don’t suspect anything suss is going on and adopt her

for hilarity bear in mind the main character may only be 15 at this point (he says he’s only just turned 16 in the last epsiode, but his actual birthday is never mentioned), and his virtual wifu is 16, but no one ever questions the marriage or the adoption, even though ‘hey marriage in a video game is as important and meaningful as marriage in real life’ is an actual conversation people have multiple times. also they think the child they adopt is an actual IRL 8 year old who thinks these randos she met in an MMO are her mum and dad and everyone just goes with that like it’s a totally normal thing

a character called ‘Thinker’ agrees to meet an enemy faction leader for peace talks. the “peace talks” take place in a high level dungeon and he is told to come alone with no weapons and no fast travel. he does this. no one ever comments that his name is ironic, and in fact they seem to think that being betrayed and trapped in a dungeon with a boss is a totally unexpected turn of events Thinker could never have planned for

they take their new baby into the dungeon to rescue thinker, because they went to the jean grey school of baby rearing, and she imediately reveals that she’s actually a magical maggufin with infinite power, murders the grim reaper, and then dies. In literally the second episode she’s in

after she dies the MC hacks the admin account of the game, converts her corpse into an in game item, and saves to the local storage on his console, with the intention of bringing her back to life as a robot once they’re saved from the game. I’m not joking, that’s an actual thing that happens.

the fact that the main character can just access the main admin account and make massive game-breaking changes isn’t used again in that game and he never thinks to try and use it to force log people out or give himself infinite life so he can just rush the game and free everyone. nope, convert a corpse into an item and then never think about it again.

there’s an entire episode where all they do is go fishing. its the only filler episode in the season, and it immediately follows the death of a small child. it’s the most tone-deaf beach episode in writing history

it turns out this game, this game where they didn’t bother coding in any difference races, weapons, or any kind of magic system, was intended to have fully sentient AI therapists, because why the fuck not at this point honestly

oh also the game has PVP and you can trick the game into thinking a sleeping player is in PVP with you in order to actually murder a real person without it flagging in-game as a murder making the crime impossible for the real life legal system to investigate even though you just murdered a person. and they expect us to believe this game had actual beta testers. at least cyberpunk wasn’t played on microwaves you connected straight to your brain (also not a joke, the VR consoles canonically work by sending microwave radiation into your brain, no wonder VR never caught on)

the set up for the show is that they have to reach level 100 of a dungeon in order to win. At level 75, the writers got bored and the show just ends.

it turns out the power of love allows you to just break the fucking game and the main villain literally has a line about how ‘love allows you to remove debuffs, huh, we didn’t think to plan for that’ because again, there’s no metaphors in this show, everything is 100% literal including the fact that falling in love with another player means you’re immune to the paralysis status effect

power of love also allows you to very briefly become a poltergeist after being killed, but only for like 2 seconds. again not a joke or a metaphor, main character is killed but then gets to hang around as a ghost for a little bit to enable him to defeat the boss. he also doesn’t die in real life despite that being the entire fucking premise of the show, again because power of love.

the bad guy literally has no plan, he’s just doing shit for the sake of having something to do. His actions directly cause the deaths of more than 4,000 people, and it’s not even in aid of anything. they ask him why he trapped 10,000 people in an MMO and allowed them to slowly die, and he’s just like ‘huh, i forgot i did that, random’ and then just fucking peaces out

the fact that he committed one of the largest mass killings outside of war never really comes up again, as far as we know he doesn’t even go to jail. i think the show actually kind of thinks he’s a good guy, which is a fucking WILD moral stance to take on the deaths of 4000 completely innocent people for absolutely no reason

If this sounds hilari-bad but you don’t want to invest the time to watch a show which is objectively garbage, it has an abridged series which is famously better than the show it’s parodying (i’m dead serious, people have character arcs, the getting married after one date thing is properly addressed, the mc has to deal with PTSD because of all his friends dying in epsidode 3, they don’t immediately follow the death of a child with an extended fishing montage, the villain has an actual plan). It’s mostly actually pretty good, but this is the internet and it’s an abridged series, so while there are a lot fewer yikes moments than most it still has enough that I’m not comfortable recommending it without the caveat. that said I still enjoyed it a lot, although possibly not at much as pointing and laughing at the garbage that is the actual show.

#sao bashing #kirito bashing #sao abridged #good bad shows #i love this garbage show so much #it's one of the funniest things i've watched all year #and none of that is intentional #sword art online bashing #if you also love hate this show please come talk to me about how terrible it is

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entertainment · 5 years ago

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Entertainment Spotlight: Nyambi Nyambi, The Good Fight

Nyambi Nyambi currently stars as investigator Jay DiPersia in The Good Fight, which is now in its fourth season on CBS All Access. Most notably known for his rendition of sarcastic café owner Samuel in Mike & Molly, Nyambi’s other tv credits include PBS’ Mercy Street, NBC’s Blindspot, and ABC’s American Koko. In theater, Nyambi has performed both on and off-broadway. He will next be seen in the new Billy Crystal movie Here Today. A comic book aficionado and avid gamer, he lent his voice to the Martian Manhunter in the animated features The Death of Superman and Reign of the Supermen. Nyambi is a first-generation Nigerian-American and serves alongside Danai Gurira on the board for Almasi Collaborative Arts, an organization dedicated to developing emerging African artists. Check it out:

You have worked in both the theatre and on screens. How does your work/preparation differ? Do you prefer one over the other?

I love being on set. When I was a ballplayer, I was known as a “gym rat”. Always on a basketball court working on my game. Nowadays, the set is my gym. I’m on set even on my days off because I love seeing the work all come together. However, my roots are in the theater, so the thrill of being on stage in front of a live audience is almost impossible to beat.

Before every scene or play, I write down a list of reminders from advice I’ve received over the years, words that have inspired me:

Be prepared to let go and play. I do a lot of research in my prep to build enough confidence to let go and play. When preparing for a play, the story is all there for the actors to unpack. What isn’t on the page but needed to tell the story will be imagined to further deepen those discoveries.

When preparing for episodic television, you make strong choices that move you based on what is on the latest version of that script. Still, you have to be flexible with what you’ve imagined because what is on the page the next week can contradict that. I remember when I first got Mike & Molly, I had created this elaborate backstory the same way I would for a play. Every script after that, I’d either discover something new about the character or something that contradicted what I previously imagined for the character. It became a fun game of “who am I this week?” I had to let go and play. So, the immigration episode on The Good Fight was another example of turning my personal imagined backstory on its head. That made the shock of the episode all the more real for me.

Can you take us through a typical day on the set of The Good Fight?

The moment I sit in the passenger seat of the van sent to pick me up is when my day on set begins. It’s my first opportunity to connect with another person, an opportunity to listen. That driver has usually been waiting thirty minutes to an hour before my pick-up time, so the least I could do is say, “thank you for waiting.” Then from there, the conversation goes where it wants to go. I’ve listened to amazing life stories, discovered new music, received invaluable advice on relationships, shared a mutual love for Star Trek: The Next Generation, and learned how to drum from a world-class drummer. All on my way to work.

When I arrive, I make a point to say hello to all I can as a PA ushers me to my dressing room. I write a couple of pages of continuous stream of consciousness on the day’s scenes before I head up to Hair & Make-up. This is where the most fun happens and where I will first see the actors I get to play with that day. The music and joy I experience in HMU, along with the physical transformation, make this an opportunity to let go of the outside world and drop into this blessing that we all get to share in together. We’re making great television. I love the men and women in that room. Once I’m camera ready, I’ll either say, “see you on the ice” or “see you on the court.”

I head back to my dressing room to get into wardrobe while warming up my voice and speech. Once dressed, I get approved by someone from the wardrobe department. Once approved, a PA will let me know when it’s time to go to set for rehearsal. When that time comes, I’ll greet the episode’s director and the other actors, and we’ll go through the scene for lines, then for blocking and then for the crew for marks. We then wait 10-15 minutes for cameras to get into position, which is more time for me to drop in through drawing or music. When they’re ready, we block it for cameras. Once it all looks good, they’ll say, “Last looks,” and hair, Make-up, and Wardrobe will make sure we look right. The actors then get into position before the director yells out, “ACTION!”

As actors, our energy sets the tone, and I think it’s important to be a joy on that set, not a concern.

If you could be any kind of superhero you wished, what would be your ideal superhero combination (title, power, public persona)?

Right now, my ideal superhero combination would be the ability to mutate on a cellular or molecular level. That would enable me to look like any person, but more importantly, to replicate the necessary physiology of an immune body to cure disease. Every-Man. When I’m not Every-Man, I’m a lab technician at Cedars Sinai Hospital.

What advice would you give to young Black actors looking to get their first break in the industry?

That’s why I say I have a thousand mentors. The men and women before you have lived it so they can tell it. Don’t be afraid to ask for their advice. The learning never stops. Keep going, keep growing, and ever-evolving. What’s for you will be yours, and what’s not for you, you celebrate the one it’s for and keep going, trusting your time will come. January 7, 2010, I was negative $300 in my bank account, but I was skipping down the street because a quote a mentor told me over and over again finally became my gospel truth: “This is but a season in my life, it’s not my life. And as the seasons change, so too will this.” The next day was my audition for Mike & Molly.

What’s your favorite comic/comic universe? Why?

My favorite comic depends on the mood I’m in. It can range from J Michael Straczynski’s Supreme Power, Frank Miller’s Batman Year One, or currently, Bitter Root by Chuck Brown, David F. Walker, & Sanford Greene. My favorite comic universe is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why, because they’re green. Seriously, the current IDW run is so good. I grew up loving Donatello because he may not have the leadership of a Leonardo, nor the brute strength of Raphael or the Zen charisma of a Michelangelo, but he does have that brain. Plus, a broomstick was the only item in the house that resembled any of their weapons.

What would be your dream role to play? Why?

My dream role would be connected to basketball in some way because it informed such a huge part of my life, playing through college. Otherwise, I’m fascinated by comic book artists such as Denys Cowan, who was one of the founders of Milestone Comics, a phenomenal universe created and owned by African Americans.

Thanks for taking the time, Nyambi! Head on over to Action to check out the rest of our #BlackExcellence365 Spotlights.

#entertainment spotlight #blackexcellence365 #nyambi nyambi #the good fight

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fandomlovingfreak · 4 years ago

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Healing His Heart (4/?)

Young Remus Lupin/Reader

Rating: E for Everyone

Word Count: 2890

MasterList Link I AO3 Link I Wattpad Link I Tiktok Link

Summary: (y/n) is two years younger than him, a popular Slytherin, and Regulus Black's best friend. Yet he can't help but be attracted to her bewitching personality and sweet smile. Unfortunately, his er--problem makes it harder to get close to others. Despite his attempts to push her away (for her own good) she seems determined to worm her way into his life.

Notes: Thanks for reading!

Enjoy

"I asked her out," Remus says in the common room later that night, "to Hogsmeade this weekend."

"Asked who?" James springs from the couch.

"(y/n), of course."

"(y/n)?" Both James and Sirius yell at the same time.

He jerks his head away from his two friends, "yes? Isn't that what you've been bothering me to do for months? Make a move?"

"Yes," Sirius's eyes are wide, "I didn't think you'd do it, though."

"She's very-- persuasive."

"Obviously very persuasive!" James laughs, "I honestly thought you'd never do it."

Remus shoves his nose back into his textbook, embarrassed by his friend's comments, "Well, I did."

"How'd she manage the impossible?" Sirius asks, leaning towards him.

Remus feels his neck burn. He is not telling James and Sirius (and whoever else may be around the commons room) about the whole speech and then-- the kiss. "She and I talked it out. That's all."

Sirius squints at him, "I don't believe you."

"What? Why?"

"Because you've been so adamant since Summer that it would not and could not work out. Something happened--" Sirius's devilish grin widens as if he's had a sudden, brilliant realization, "you kissed her! NO! She kissed you!" Remus tries to look stony, he really does, but his face most definitely spills the truth as James and Sirius laugh. James ruffles his hair, asking how it was.

He shushes them, "stop it. It's not that big of a deal--"

"She took the initiative and kissed you. (y/n) really does get what she wants, eh?" James winks, elbowing Sirius playfully.

Sirius squints at Remus, all joking thrown to the back burner, "that's my brother's friend, Moony! You better not hurt her, you understand? She's practically a Black."

"Not for long," James singsongs "(y/n) Lupin has got a ring to it."

Remus rolls his eyes, his cheeks a brilliant shade of red, "I don't have time for this-- I've got a Charms paper to write."

"I bet he's going upstairs to plan how he's going to propose," James snickers. Remus flips him off as he makes his way towards their shared dorm.

"You have to ask my permission first before you ask her!" Sirius shouts after him.

"Shut up!" Remus practically runs up the stairs to end their embarrassing words.

***

Eventually, after the longest week of his life, the Hogsmeade weekend does come.

He finds her waiting for him in the courtyard, donned in a large black winter coat that reaches below her knees, snow boots with fur around the edges, a large knit scarf in Slytherin colors loosely wrapped around her neck, and a grey beanie on her head. He thinks she looks absolutely adorable in her winter gear.

"Hi," his voice is breathy, the crisp air making his words visible in the air.

"Hi," she looks down at his gloveless hands, "are your hands not cold?"

"They're fine." (y/n) shakes her head slightly, taking his hand in one of her mittened ones.

"You can't walk around in the cold without gloves," she tuts, smiling up at him, "tell me if your other hand gets cold. You can have my other mitten."

"I'm not taking your mitten (y/n). Besides, I can put one in my jacket pocket," Remus uses his unoccupied hand to move her scarf further up her chin.

"We'll have to get creative how we keep your other hand warm then." Remus flushes, causing (y/n) to giggle. "C'mon." She pulls him towards the snowy path. He stumbles for only a second, easily pacing her as they walk.

"So--A walk?" he can't think of anything more intelligent to say at that moment, much too focused on the feeling of her hand in his.

"A walk, yes." she glances up at him, "Ask me anything. I'm an open book."

"Anything?" he takes a moment to think of an interesting question but lands on, "what's--uh, what's your favorite class this year?"

(y/n) looks thoughtful for a moment, "surprisingly, I'm rather good at Potions. I think I'll be allowed to take advanced in the upcoming year."

"Really?" he's impressed, "I'm awful at potions."

(y/n) smiles, "What's your favorite class?"

"Defence Against the Dark Arts," he answers swiftly.

"Oh really?" she glances at him, "what about Defence Against the Dark Arts do you like?"

"All of it. I think the entire class is fascinating. Maybe it's because it covers such a large range of topics in our world."

"Yeah? Regulus told me once you're big into tutoring younger students. Have you ever thought about teaching after graduation?"

"Me, teaching? No, I haven't. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do once I graduate."

She looks at him, funny, "No? No dream career? But you're absolutely brilliant. I'm sure there are a million different departments at the Ministry that would really benefit from your presence."

He chuckles, "Thank you, but uh-- not many people would hire me."

"Why?"

"Well--the whole…werewolf thing usually disqualifies me from most jobs."

She stops their walking, "What do you mean? People don't want to hire you because of that? That's asinine, Remus!"

He looks at the girl, so full of rage over how others treat him. Something he or she can't control. "It's how people are--"

"No! That's bullshit. Why--why do you let them treat you like that? Why hasn't anyone done anything?" Her (y/e/c) eyes shine with the raw indignant emotion.

"You don't have to be angry on my account. I'm used to it by now (y/n). I've lived with this condition for a long time now."

"I still--" she takes a deep breath, "It's not fair."

He offers her a small smile, squeezing her hand. At this moment, she looks like she'd go to war for him, and he can't say he's upset about it. If anything, it's deepening the feelings that were already present for her. "I know. But, it's not worth being angry over. People will be people." She huffs but doesn't respond. After a moment of silence, he asks, "what do you want to do after graduation?"

(y/n) glances up at him through her lashes, "I want to be a healer."

"Yeah? Would've guessed… professional Quidditch player," he teases.

(y/n) shoulder checks him playfully, "You sound like Regulus. He's tried to convince me at least a thousand times to give up the healer dream and focus on Quidditch."

"We could all go and watch the famous (y/n) (y/l/n)," Remus grins at her. He could see it. She'd been Slytherin's prized Chaser for two years now, and from what he's seen himself, he could see her leading a successful Quidditch career.

"Well, it's not going to happen," she laughs, "I've always wanted to be a healer. That's why I make sure my marks in potions and herbology are top of my class. But I don't want to work for St. Mungos if that's what you're thinking." she shakes her head, "I want to open my own shop. Maybe in my lifetime, I can cure some diseases and ailments. At least make people's suffering less than it is now. Just do something good, you know?"

He nods, impressed by her career choice. He shouldn't be surprised that she's so passionate. The girl was about to burst into flames over his mistreatment moments ago. "That's incredibly admirable. I'm sure you'll achieve the goals you've set out for yourself."

"Probably why I'm a Slytherin, eh? Ambition and all that," she waves her hand in a very 'Sirius' manner, no doubt adopted after years of summer's with his friend.

He chuckles, "obviously."

"Maybe," she looks away from him shyly, "if you can't find anyone open-minded enough to hire you based on your skills, you can work at my shop."

"Offering me a job on the first date? Guess I can't fuck this up, huh?" He jokes.

(y/n)'s bubbling laughter spills from her lips as she bumps her shoulder against his, "You're good with maths, right?"

"Good enough," Remus shrugs.

"Perfect. You can look after the books and the store as I tinker around with my potions during the Wizarding World of its ailments in the back."

He grins, "sounds like a deal."

***

She asks him mundane things, like what his favorite food is and his favorite color. He hasn't been quizzed like this, probably ever, as she attempts to get to know him. All of this seems surface level, like she doesn't want to pry too deep. Maybe she's afraid he'll get scared away if she tries to push him too hard for information. Whenever he can get in a question, though, she's all too happy to answer.

She's chattering on about her parents when he stops them in the middle of the path, turning to face her.

"What are you doing?" she watches as he moves to adjust her hat so he can see her eyes better.

Remus doesn't answer her question with words. Instead, his fingers roam her jaw before he's leaning down to kiss her quickly. The soft warmth of her lips resting against his for the moment is intoxicating. The kiss is gentle and innocent but warms his whole body. He doesn't know how he went on for years, not kissing these lips.

(y/n)'s eyes flutter open, "what was that for?"

"Just wanted to," his eyes flick back down to her lips, "again."

"Again," she's grinning, pulling him back down to her lips by his scarf. Her tongue swipes across his bottom lip, demanding to deepen the kiss as her fingers run through his tousled hair. Remus groans as she tugs at the hair at the nape of his neck, finally allowing (y/n) to kiss her how she pleases.

She feels so warm and solid against his body and under his hands that rest on her waist.

"Moony!" Remus pulls away from the kiss at the sound of Sirius's voice. Looking towards where Sirius's voice came from, he sees James and Sirius laughing like this was the most amusing situation they've ever stumbled upon.

"You haven't even gotten the poor girl a Butterbeer yet. Here you are snogging her on the main road?"

"Shut up, Sirius," (y/n) scowls at Sirius, hiding her face slightly in his chest.

James snickers, "I thought we taught you better, Moony."

Remus frowns, "get out of here." They continue to walk away, making kissy noises. Remus leans his forehead against hers, muttering a sorry.

"It's fine--" she giggles, tilting her chin up to press another kiss to his lips.

Remus pulls away from the kiss, rubbing a hand up and down her covered arm. "C'mon. I'll get you that Butterbeer so no one else questions my intentions."

(y/n) rolls her eyes, "I don't care what James and Sirius think."

"You're not the one who has to share a dorm with them later. I'll never hear the end of that." He gestures with a nod towards his slowly retreating friends.

(y/n) giggles adjusting his scarf around his neck, "If I kiss you again, will it make it more bearable?"

He chuckles, "maybe." She leans up again, kissing him quickly before she's again dragging him back down the snowy path.

***

He does get her that Butterbeer eventually after they've walked the path rather slowly to make the time last. They sit at one of the tables nearly in the corner of Three Broomsticks. (y/n) continues to chat away happily, her fingers intertwined with his over the wooden tabletop.

"So what's it like sharing a dorm with those three?" she asks, taking another sip of her Butterbeer.

"It's madness," he laughs against the rim of his mug, "but they're the best friends I could ever ask for."

(y/n)'s smile reaches her eyes, "Yeah?"

"Of course, they drive me insane. It's impossible to sleep around them. Sirius loves to pull pranks on anyone who's sleeping."

"I'm fully aware of that. I stopped sleeping in Regulus's room once I became the victim of those pranks." Her eyes twinkle in the muted light of the pub. Remus loses concentration on their conversation for a moment gazing into those (y/e/c) eyes.

"I'm surprised he dared prank you."

"You think I'm special enough to not be a victim of Sirius's pranks?"

Remus shrugs, "Regulus and Sirius are very protective of you."

She frowns, "what makes you say that?"

Remus leans further over the table, "My life has been threatened by both the Black brother's over you this year alone."

(y/n)'s expression turns to shocked, "no way. What did Regulus say?"

"Demanded to know why I was leading you on. Told me off right in the middle of the hallway," Remus smiles at (y/n), rubbing his thumb gently against the back of her hand.

She looks mortified, "I told him not to intervene--"

"He was right, though. I was acting like-- well, like a jackass. I'm sorry about that, by the way. The whole night at the pub... and everything after that. It was-- immature, to say the least."

"I was so angry at you at the pub, Remus. Were you really that jealous over me talking to that guy?" Remus, feeling still embarrassed over the way he reacted that night, flushes a deep scarlet.

"I don't know what came over me. You don't know how badly I wish I could go back and change how I reacted--"

"It's okay, Remus, honestly."

He smiles, looking at their fingers. Hers look so small in his own, so-- fragile against his scarred ones. "I can't believe I tried so hard to keep you away from me. It's silly. You're-- you're so wonderful…"

(y/n) laughs, "you are too… so sweet and-- gods, Remus…" she's got this look in her eyes that releases butterflies in his stomach, "you don't even see how wonderful you are. It's almost heartbreaking."

He feels his cheeks heat up at her words. No one has ever shown him this sort of affection before. He's watched on the sidelines, and James and Sirius dated people, never really daring to try half in fear of rejection and half because… well, no one tried. And he's partially to blame as well; it's not like he tried. With (y/n), though, it didn't feel like much trying was required. She made it easy.

"Again, I don't see how I deserve you." Remus rubs at the back of his neck, too embarrassed to meet her eyes again.

(y/n) sighs in exasperation, "Remus Lupin-- enough of that. Now tell me something---" she pauses, "tell me something about your childhood."

"What would you like to know?" he rubs his thumb across her knuckles.

"What are your parent's names?"

"Lyall and Hope."

"Did they both attend Hogwarts

Remus shakes his head no, "my mum's a muggle. But my dad, yes."

"Really? I always assumed both your parents were wizarding folk."

"My dad met my mum because of a Boggart. Saved her from it and well, the rest is history."

(y/n) giggles, "that's so cute! Both my parents went to Hogwarts. My mum was in Ravenclaw and my dad, Slytherin. But mum's muggle-born. But my dad, yes."

"Really? I always assumed both your parents were wizarding folk."

"Do you spend a lot of time with your mother's family?"

"No. I don't see my parents very often either."

"Why not?"

He hesitates for a moment, "with my condition… I don't like to, you know, give my parents any issues."

"There's no way your mother thinks that is acceptable. I mean--"

"No, you're right. She's begged me for ages to come home for breaks, but it's easier to either stay here or stay with my friends." And safer for everyone.

(y/n) shakes her head, "so you stay for… Christmas break at the castle every year?"

"I've stayed at the Potter's once or twice, but yes. For the most part."

"Remus…" she reaches out to touch his cheek, "this year you're planning on staying here--?"

Remus's eyebrows furrow. Even if (y/n) knew what was wrong with him, he didn't exactly still know how to talk about it so openly. "The full moon falls on Christmas this year."

He can see the gears moving in her brain before she opens up her mouth, "Can I stay with you?"

"(y/n)..." he chuckles, "I can't ask you to stay with me. You're going to be horribly bored here--"

"C'mon. Are the boys staying?" she pleads with him.

Sirius had already planned on it anyway, "Yes."

"Then I'll stay too."

"You should go home and see your parents--"

(y/n) rolls her eyes, "I'll have plenty of Christmases with them in the future. C'mon, I'll get Regulus to stay too. We'll make a whole ordeal out of it on the twenty-fourth." It's tempting to let her throw away her plans for him...

"Are you sure? I don't want to ruin your break--"

"You'd hardly be ruining my break, honest."

Remus can't help but succumb to her generous offer, "Okay. If you're sure."

(y/n)'s face visibly brightens when he agrees, "of course, I'm sure."

***

"I had fun," she's got her arm hooked with his, snuggled up close as they walk back to the castle.

"Me too," Remus glances down at her. Her lovely smile, directed towards him, makes him feel like he's won some sort of lottery.

"It's no Hogsmeade, but... do you want to study in the library with me this week?" she asks.

"You've completely stolen my heart already," he laughs.

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astrology-india · 3 years ago

Text

How to Cope When a Libra Man Ignores You

New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/when-a-libra-man-ignores-you/

How to Cope When a Libra Man Ignores You

You are probably wondering why the Libra man who swooped in to charm your socks off is now nowhere to be found?

It may surprise you that it is not an uncommon theme for the Libra, nor is it necessarily the death of your relationship with him either, especially if you know what to do when a Libra man ignores you.

When a Libra Man Ignores You?

What happened to your Libra man? The one who seemed easygoing and so much fun? Why is he suddenly serious and distant now?

It does not make a whole lot of sense, but when you understand the Libra man, it is a little less confusing.

He is Flimsy

The Libra man comes across as dominant, yet at the same time soft and sweet. He is masculine while being strangely in touch with his feminine side.

By all accounts, you would expect him to be someone who you can rely on, a strong-willed guy who will stand his ground and stick to his guns.

And he can be that man, however, one negative aspect of Libra is that he can also be unreliable and indecisive.

The guy might have no idea what it is that he wants in the first place, making it impossible for him to stick to anything. If he is that type of Libra, then you can bet that he flip-flops in most of his relationships.

This is not all bad news. Most Libra men who pull the disappearing act really just need some time to work things out.

What it Means When a Libra Man Stops Trying

It means something is missing from the relationship, and that something could be the main thing he needs in order to have a purpose in life as a man.

It is a deep emotional obsession that most men have but rarely talks openly about. Unless they have a Ph.D. in male psychology and masculinity needs.

This emotion in a Libra man is overlooked by most women because they don’t understand it until it is sometimes too late. Once you know about it, it’s really simple to use it to your advantage.

If you want your guy to show you love and the attention you deserve, you need to hook into the underlying reason which is explained in a video by relationship expert James Bauer entitled His Secret Obsession.

You Hurt His Feelings

Libra is not a sensitive, over-emotional sign by any means. The man is rational and shoots straight from the hip. This is strange because when he gets hurt it could seem just the opposite.

The Libra man does not forget, nor does he forgive that easily. In this sense, he is the Scorpio of air signs, only less vengeful. Mostly, you will never even know that he is upset or what it was exactly that you have done.

The Libra man is usually highly diplomatic and prefers not to rock the boat. So, if you did something to upset him, he will deal with it passively, like ignoring you for example.

Your Libra Man is Busy

Libra deals with balance in all aspects, and his life’s theme is to learn the art of it. It only makes sense then that Libra is a sign of self-improvement.

Believe it or not, this can take up a lot of his time and also lead him to distance himself from others on occasion to focus.

Sometimes his need to recalibrate and improve is his own fault. His indecisiveness, procrastination, and tendency to indulge often knock things out of whack for him, then it becomes his mission to fix it.

His other extreme is to socialize and have fun 100 percent of the time. Either way, the Libra man knows how to keep himself busy.

It Is a Surface Level Attraction

Libras are connoisseurs of everything beautiful. They are highly aesthetic beings who love the world of art and comfort and pleasant surroundings.

But this overindulgence in what is visually pleasing gets him into trouble as far as his relationships are concerned.

He is attracted to people with physical beauty and sometimes he fails to see beneath the skin.

If this is the reason for your Libra man’s sudden disappearance, it does not mean necessarily that he does not like you or your personality. Perhaps he never gave himself the chance to know you in the first place.

He is not Interested

One of the great tragedies of our existence is that love is not always reciprocated. Just when we swear we have met the one, reality slaps us in the face as we watch him heading for the front door.

Libra men have their types, sometimes that type is himself. But like any sign, there are people with astrological differences who we cannot seem to relate to no matter how hard we try.

Sometimes our zodiac opposites can seem like they are from Mars and speak a different language.

If you want to give it all you’ve got to make it work with a Libra man, you have to understand this “greater” emotion that he needs satisfying.

It’s an obsession he can’t explain but provides the key to his heart when a woman understands how to unlock His Secret Obsession here.

How to Get a Libra Man to Stop Ignoring You

Sometimes your Libra guy just needs a wake-up call to get him to stop ignoring you. Ring his alarm by trying some of the tips out below.

Talk to Your Libra

Talk to your Libra man because the Libra male appreciates honesty.

Even though you are upset with him for bailing on you, and probably will not believe this, but he is fair, just, and strives to do what is right.

He can however be a little self-absorbed without even realizing it and maybe is unaware of his actions or their consequences.

It is important not to accuse him or engage him in a war of words. This will upset the diplomatic Libra who will only take so much of conflict before he shies away.

Send Him Flirty Text Messages

The Libra man approaches flirting like a sport, one in which he is a skilled master. It is truly an art form for him and he sees it as a dance- a push and pull, or a back and forth.

This dance heats things up by building attraction and passion, even more so if you can give him a run for his money.

Shoot your guy a flirty text, but make sure you bring your A-game. Be smart, witty, challenging, and most of all, fun.

If you would like a little help with the phrases you can text that trigger his mental G Spot and activate his subconscious desires for you, I can recommend Text Chemistry by relationship guru Amy North.

Help Him to See the Good You Bring to His Life

This can be done in a bunch of subtle ways, or you can go all out and be blatant and straightforward, whichever suits you best.

What is important is that you can get the point across without looking like it is what you are trying to do.

If he can see you are someone who adds value to his life – more specifically, that you help bring balance and harmony to it – he might just recognize you as a good choice for him, almost like you make him feel complete.

Brush Up on His Interests

The Libra man loves to talk and connect with others. What better way to do so with someone than to have common ground? For instance, something that he is passionate about?

Get your Libra man going again by showing him you can hold your own in a conversation about his interests, and a bonus if you are a good listener because we all know that he needs one.

Be Patient

Whether your Libra guy has left to go work on himself, hang out with other people, or he is trying to make up his mind about the relationship, the best thing you can do is to be patient with him.

I know, this one can seem difficult, and it might not be what you wanted to hear. But Libra is represented by the scales of justice and the scales must tip. When he regains his balance and direction, they might just tip in your favor.

Final Thoughts

How the Libra man can go from the life of the party, the charming guy who stole your heart, to be like a ghost is straight-up baffling to those unequipped with the knowledge of his inner workings.

By understanding, this “greater” thing he desires in a relationship you will secure his love and devotion. Become the only woman he ever wants. This video explains exactly how to do it.

Once you understand why your honey is M.I.A., it is a lot easier to know what to do when a Libra man ignores you so you can get him to stop once and for all.

#Ignoring me #Libra man

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pestopascal · 4 years ago

Note

While I will absolutely agree that CB2077 isn’t the ONLY game doing all this bullshit, or that other AAA studios don’t deserve the flack CDPR is getting, I have to say that this is absolutely the perfect storm and I think people are FINALLY seeing the problems in modern AAA gaming. CB2077 might be fun to play, may have a good story, but it’s almost impossible to see because of the glaring issues. Which, honestly, is a good thing. I hope games change after this.

under here

AAA studios have been like this and this sort of release has been completely normalised on all accounts by both the businesses themselves and fans because of the inherent reliance on modders (bethesda at the forefront of this), as well as the pushback every time companies actually go ‘uh we need a lil more time’ (although... they just shouldnt announce potential release dates, im even of the camp they shouldnt even start releasing the game until like 6 months out from their official date because they fuck it up every time. borderlands 3 being the only game i know of being in “secret” development and then announcing itself in march for a september release. game itself aside, thats how companies should do it). easily i can remember a lot of 2011 release games which have had the exact same issues as cp77′s release, and then every other game in between since. very rarely do you actually have a game that isn’t a fucked up mess of a pile of pixels. and it is always the customisable character ones that are honestly, genuinely, ugly looking at release. but you can definitely say its been happening looooooong before 2011, with unrealistic expectations, word limits, 11 month time frames, offloading sequels to smaller companies so they can suffer if it fails, etc etc. the entire system has been like this for so long... they dont know any real different nowadays.

i mean look. tlou2 released under crunch conditions this year, and was rewarded. it was ALL over the social media feeds, it was quite the controversy because, surprise surprise, the company promised they wouldnt do it uwu and then. bam ! crunch conditions. literally around that time too, bioware employees came out with a statement saying ‘man we wish dai FAILED so that back in 2014 we couldve proven crunch was a wrong practice’. they say this as well after having to produce da2 in 14 months, which just suffered from fans and journalism for reusing environments, because it was produced in 14 months, and honestly? no one pointed that out back then, bioware themselves pointed it out again this year, 6 years after release, that that game was produced in 14 months. rdr2′s release was hounded by stories of crunch, and they all disappeared into the night because... it was heralded as the best game of all time. that was 2018, 2 years ago.

i think too is that some people get kind of ... morally and ethically concerned. which is understandable. can you consume something when you know it was made under conditions like crunch? and i think one of the most confronting things about it is that 9/10, not only has your favourite company engaged in crunch conditions, they almost actively choose to continue with them. and then that’s a whole other bag of issues blown up over there when it comes to what is able to be consumed what isn’t etc etc

i think also like a mix of marketing, promises and then the expectations of what the game will be like have really had cdpr earn the ire of fans which is just like... you don’t believe what these companies are saying. you never should, esp when it’s their ceo’s saying it who don’t work on the actual floor. bioware itself is the main culprit of doing this to the point they finally came around with all the da4 concept art and teasing to be like ‘ummm but actually dont get invested?’. remember all that qunari lady fanart that bioware management was like ... please dont get attached? yeah. yeah. like at what point as well is there going to be heavy level of apprehension to approach this? and i can’t really talk either, i cracked open the door for mass effect again. i know exactly what kind of shit bioware will pull, i know they are teasing it already on social media, but mass effect is my ride or die series. that’s why people keep opening the door on letting these companies get away with it. and you can’t fault fans entirely either because this is down to a science of how to get money. i mean, fuck, mass effect andromeda’s entire advertising campaign HINGED on the n7 logo. for the nostalgia value. and i see text posts in the same vein of both ‘guys, disney isnt gonna fuck you if you consume every remake for nostalgia value’ and ‘its understandable why people do it’.

so then you have to go ‘well are fans as just to blame’ and then that’s a whole other argument.

i think also like. i personally havent run into aaaannnyyyyyyy of the issues that you see posted online. which is ironic bc 1) i play on ps4 and 2) its an old dusty ps4. in fact a lot of ppl i have spoken to who have had issues have played on pc. does this mean the glitches dont exist? ofc not, the vids and screenshots are right there. but like... ive had a basically unhindered experience so far, and i get where ppl are coming from (i do, i promise) where theyve basically found the game unplayable. is there also a standard of what ppl consider unplayable because ive played most AAA games at launch when they basically rushed to slap the box label on the game and called it a day until they work on patches. when ppl consider unplayable is also just... different per person. some people have a slight blur on the screen when turning too fast even in an MMO and decide the game is horrible and unplayable. some people can have broken quests and npcs not loading and falling through maps and still be fine. there’s no agreed statement of what makes a game unplayable either, which is why you read threads on twitter and someone goes ‘yeah this npc t-posed so i quit in the first hour’ with a dozen replies. everyone has different levels of it.

it’s a mixed bag of issues. im not excusing cdpr, but the ppl who worked on the game are honestly likely not the ones who pushed for a release. you’ve gotta look at sony and microsoft and ceo’s with bonuses coming up and the investors and shareholders and people who sit behind computers and read numbers detailing interest and demand and supply and how every single time they had to delay this game, the loudest (but smallest) bunch of assholes on like reddit and in the twitter threads complained that it was delayed AGAIN even though back in what 2015? they said it’ll come out when it’s ready. and yeah there are times when game delays result in a mismatched half assed sort of story (kh3... p5... ffxv... dai...) and then there are times when, if they need to delay the game... they probably need to delay the game. sometimes delays are bad sometimes theyre good sometimes you are sitting there like whew if you only didn’t try to be like THIS TIME this is the release date.

the ONLY WAY this will stop happening is, quite frankly, unionising. and everyone is allergic to that whole concept so like... this is “the perfect storm” as you put it. but it’s also not. people have been so disappointed over the last 2 years alone for gaming companies, the final product, the attitudes from higher ups, that i think cdpr is receiving a good few years worth of anger. i think theyre also on the receiving end of misdirection from american fans who still don’t fucking get the company isn’t american, because that’s another bag of issues as well. like we’re holding at least 8 bags of groceries out of the back of the car now, and we don’t want to take another trip, because there are so many little bits of this entire situation to look at. there’s so much back and forth.

i think the worst, but most realistic thing is: games won’t change. how they will social media wise will. maybe. assuming bioware gets their heads out their asses but... they’re going to be a lot more careful. i mean, hell, sony offered refunds. that was just a publicity stint. they dont give a fuck if the game was bad. as i said before, if they did, they would make all companies fix trophy problems, starting from like 2010 or whenever the trophy system first came out. they just don’t wanna fall in alongside cdpr being thrown on its sword. but the companies are gonna learn from this, get smarter, still do the same shit to their employees, still pay off journalists, still do media blackouts, etc etc. and we’re gonna be here in another year’s time, with another game, having these same roundabout arguments, and cp77′s issues are gonna fade into just a wikipedia article.

#replies #this got long so i threw it under a cut #i just like wrote as i was thinking too in between ovw sry lol #Anonymous

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lov3nerdstuff · 5 years ago

Text

... because you're mine.

*Tom Hiddleston x reader*

Oneshot

Words: 4.7k

Summary: Things get steamy between you and Tom after another man asks you out.

Request: I was the actress in Betrayal, but Tom was playing Jerry instead of Robert. As the production goes on, the kissing scenes get steamier (he finds THAT spot on my neck!) until I tell him my feelings, he says he doesn't reciprocate & doesn't do romance in the spotlight. After another man asks me out & I say yes (but don't realize it's a date) he kisses that spot during the performance & whispers that I'm his. 🤯 --> @annwhojumps

A.N.: Prepare for some jealous Tom 😉 also, 'I put a spell on you' can be read as an independent prequel to this, but srsly doesn't have to!

Also check out my Masterlist!

_______________________________

You had absolutely no idea why you had been cast to play one of the main characters in this highly prestigious production of one of your favorite plays… After all, you had only auditioned for fun! As a recent graduate from the school of dramatic arts, your chances really hadn't been all too high, and yet you had been selected for the title role. However the shock of it was only topped off when on the first day of rehearsals, you had discovered that your fellow actors were nothing but the brightest stars of modern age theater… and your scene partner was none other than Tom Hiddleston.

Yet, as surprising as it might have been for everyone in the theater, you and him had connected immediately, on a level neither of you really understood. But you had both been certain by lunch break that you would definitely enjoy being around each other from now on.

The first days of rehearsals went well, to say the least, and every single day you and Tom got closer. You got to know each other better, more than anyone else in the cast, and spent almost every waking minute at each other's side. And once the actual rehearsal period started and everyone got on stage, you found yourself enjoying the whole thing immensely. Acting with Tom was the greatest joy, for he seemed to really enjoy both your general company and your professional work together, and even the other A-listers seemed to warm up to you slowly. Still, nobody had an idea why you had been selected for the role, but honestly it didn't matter much. You fit in so nicely with the more experienced actors that in no time, everyone seemed to have forgotten that this was, in fact, your first real job.

Yet, as rehearsals continued on to a more detailed level, not just the blocking, you found your nerves and stomach in knots as you got ready to start the first real run through the scenes.

In the final act of the play, you would need to not only kiss Tom, but literally make out with him on stage, in front of your colleagues and the audience… The thought of stage kissing alone made you nervous, for it had never been your favorite thing even in school, and the thought of kissing Tom of all people simply had you close to hyperventilating.

The thing was… you wanted to kiss Tom. More than anything, actually, for with every new day you spent joking, bickering, laughing and talking with him, your adoration for him turned into the deepest affection, turned into sincere love. And even worse: Tom was so much more than you could ever have hoped for, and it was simply impossible to not love him more with every fucking day. Yet you didn't dare to confess your feelings. It was unprofessiona l, and you were supposed to work together with him here, not fall for him. If people got to know about your feelings, they surely would call you either starstruck or simply unprofessional, and nobody in the field would ever cast you again. Fuck.

So you ignored your feelings, pushed them away to as much as the by now close friendship you had would allow you to show. It was painful, but necessary. Even more so since he kept being overwhelmingly nice to you, walking the thin line between friendship and something more like it was a freaking highway. You couldn't tell what he felt for you even if you tried… one moment he was just being the dork he really was, and the next he would stand impossibly close to you, looking into your eyes like you were all that mattered to him in this world.

And now that you stood in front of him, looking up into his eyes with all the overwhelming nervousness and tornment, his soft smile and gentle eyes were balm for your soul.

"Relax, Y/n. It'll be fine..." He whispered to you so that the others wouldn't hear, only seconds before his nose brushed against yours ever so slightly, hot breath fanning across your lips as they parted ever so slightly on their own account. Your eyes fluttered shut. This wasn't Tom kissing you… this was his character kissing yours.

Soft, chilled lips connected with the corner of your mouth as his hands grabbed onto your waist, gentle fingers brushing against the small glimpse of heated skin just below the hem of your shirt. Your breathing hitched. His lips ghosted over your jaw as his hands trailed down to your hips, your thighs… you were supposed to push him onto the couch behind him.

Reluctantly, a little too reluctantly even for your character, your palms pressed against his toned chest, curling around the soft fabric of his shirt. He nibbled on your jaw, and you pulled him closer to yourself by his shirt. A low, growling sound escaped his lips as they left a trail of feathery kisses down your neck, and you finally managed to give him a little push that made him fall backwards onto the couch. Yet he held on to your hips tightly, and you came crashing down on top of him, straddling him as your heart threatened to jump out of your chest. A brief glance into his darkened eyes… you gasped, and Tom stared at you like a deer in the headlights. Awe mixed with fear.

"That was amazing, guys!" David, the director of your play, called from the side of the stage, and your breathing hitched yet again as you snapped out of this moment of public intimacy. How the hell were you supposed to do that every day from now on, without giving yourself away?

Rather awkwardly you got off Tom's lap, and forced away the blush as he tried to do the same.

"You, uhm…" Tom spoke up from right next to you, voice hoarse and heavy. "You did really well."

"Oh… thanks." You replied quietly, trying to calm down your racing heart for the next scene. And that hadn't even been a full on kiss to the lips!

_______________

For the next two weeks, David had Tom and you rehearse the scene every day, and every day things got steamier, more raw, more real… At least they switched out the couch thing for you sitting on a counter to be on eye level with Tom, but honestly… that didn't make it any better. Your fellow actors put it off as fabulous acting, but you knew that it wasn't quite the case. Every day, hiding your true feelings for Tom got more difficult, and every day you felt more desperate for a real kiss.

That was until one Friday night, when David made you run through the entire play yet another time. It was already fairly late in the evening, but he'd promised to just have ONE more go before everyone could go home. Everything went well as always, you played your part with the greatest joy and focus, right until it was time for that scene again. It started off like all the times before, Tom stepped closer to you with the most intense energy that alre ady had your skin covered in goosebumps before he even touched you. Gentle hands on your waist, pulling you close as he stood in between your legs… a ghost of a kiss to your jaw, down your neck… your eyes closed as they always did. This time however, be it for the late hour of night or your increasingly shrinking resistance to your own emotions, your hands moved to his neck before you could will them not to, gently tugging on the lush curls in his neck. Almost immediately the faintest sigh, almost a quiet moan, escaped his lips and their loving work on your neck grew bolder, firmer… Until he found that one, secret and crazy sensitive spot that upon the touch of his lips made your back arch towards him and your mind become even more hazed. Now it was you who let out the faintest moan, unable to keep quiet, yet only for him to hear. The grip on your waist tightened ever so slightly, and before you knew how to hide the effect he had on you, he gently bit down on that oh so sensitive spot, sucking and nibbling on your delicate skin.

You felt like exploding, inside out, within your mind and in every cell of your body. Every single nerve of your being was ablaze, the feeling of his lips on your skin, his hands on your body… it all contributed to the hidden coil of pure energy within you that was dangerously close to bursting. If you snapped now, the entire production crew would become an involuntary witness to your impossible love for Tom. And that would be your downfall even before the rise.

But just then the scene continued on, and you were pushed around by other characters, spoken to and spoken for, all until at last, the play ended and the crew applauded, before you practiced who would bow when and leave to which place. Yet, your mind wasn't even in the same theater anymore. Your thoughts were far gone, to a place where only you and Tom existed, a place where you could let yourself love him.

Before you knew, David had finished his commentary of the performance, all the actors had said their goodnights and even the staff had sorted out the last of lighting and audio. Only you were left on stage, frozen in place with only the dim emergency lights illuminating the area around you. The entire audience room lay in darkness, as did the sides of the stage… only the center was lit up so sparsely that it was almost spooky.

"Are you alright?" Tom's voice from right behind you made you jump yet again, and he chuckled upon your flinching.

"God, you scare me!" You breathed, holding a hand over your racing heart. At least, if he could hear your frantic heartbeat now, you had an excuse.

"Nah, you can keep calling me Tom. 'God' is a bit too much." He winked at you with a smirk, and you just had to laugh. Tom was the greatest dork, and you absolutely loved it. "Why are you up here, all alone? Everyone else is heading home."

"I'm not alone. You're here." You smirked at him, wiggling your eyebrows in an attempt to make him laugh. It worked, and even in this minimal light, you could still see his eyes sparking down at you… oh, that darn spell he put on you.

"Wanna tell me what's up?" He inquired, leaning his head to the side.

"Why would something be up?" You frowned, but the slightly too high pitch of your voice gave you away. For an actress, you were horrible at lying. Especially to Tom.

"I can always tell when you're distraught, darling." He mused, then turned around and walked to the edge of the stage, jumping off and vanishing in the darkness of the audience room.

"I'm not distraught!" You protested into the darkness. "I'm just… stressed. Because of the opening night in a week. That's all. And what are you doing over there anyway?"

"Making sure you, my darling Y/n, feel less stressed!" He replied cheerily, and mere seconds later you heard soft tunes coming from the theater's speakers, flowing through the empty room like a soft wind, a breath of fresh air. A smile came onto your lips, and a few short moments later Tom got back onto the stage with you. "They've all gone home, so we shouldn't be bothering anyone."

Again you smiled, resisting the urge to rip your heart out of your chest and tell it to slow the heck down. Tom was ALWAYS around you, wherever you went… this wasn't new. But usually you weren't completely alone, and usually your steamy scene didn't leave your heart screaming and begging for more this badly. For something real.

"Here…" He handed you his phone as he came to stand right in front of you. "Choose a song and we'll dance."

"We can't…" You frowned, but still took his phone upon his request. "This is work, I cannot lose my job, you know that very well, and the theater…"

"Will still be here tomorrow morning just like it is right now." Tom interrupted you with a mischievous yet happily excited smile. "Dance with me? Please?"

Oh, how could you resist those puppy eyes? Never, not in a million years could you refuse that man anything at all. With a sigh you considered your options… it was now or never. This was your chance to tell him, to SHOW him how you felt, despite everything that spoke against it. But he needed to know, and he deserved to know. And thus you made your song choice accordingly.

For a short moment Tom frowned, but once the lyrics started his eyes widened in recognition, and he smiled brightly. "Hey, I actually know a version of this song!"

"Good…" You chuckled, then returned his smile. He took a step towards you, taking your hands in his reluctantly and carefully, but still with that adoring smile. Slowly he pulled you closer to himself while his eyes never left yours, until at last he wrapped an arm around your waist and kept holding your hand in his own.

"Dance with me?" He asked again in a quiet voice that barely stood out over the music surrounding you, and all you could do was nod as you lost yourself in his eyes once more. Only that you couldn't yet say if you lost your bravery or your restraint.

Gently swaying to the music, Tom's hold on you seemed to tighten by the second while your emotions tightened around your throat in a menacing grasp, squeezing until you could hardly breathe anymore. Your hand on his back, clasping his shirt tightly, and your head fell against his shoulder as your eyes closed to the strong beating of his heart. Could he be feeling the same for you? He surely was all about you, every single day… but always reluctant to cross the line of friendship. You had to know, or your mind would tear your soul apart.

He had always been there to comfort you once you had started to doubt your place among the cast, and always pointed out how absolutely amazing you were in his eyes, both as an actress and as a person. And after you had told him about your fear of getting kicked out of the production, he had hugged you tightly and told you that he would make sure that nothing of the sort would happen.

"Oh gosh…" Tom suddenly breathed and you were forced to lift your head again, eyes locking back with his.

"What's up?" You frowned ever so slightly as you spoke, only to find your voice laced with the impossible weight of bottled up emotions.

"I… uhm, your skin…" He started, letting go of your hand in order to touch a gentle finger to the small bruise forming on your neck.

Your breathing hitched as his fingertips traced over that certainly spot once more, but you couldn't bring your eyes to leave his even though they were doomed to darken upon his gentle touch. The song ended, the theater fell quiet but for your shivery breath. Tom's eyes remained on yours, blown and unfathomable in the depth of their ever concealed emotions… his fingers ghosted over the spot on your neck yet again, and you visibly jumped right under his fingertips. His eyes darkened.

And before your mind could come back to its right place in the shadows of worry, your lips were ghosting over his in a gentle brush of reluctant innocence. Careful, asking for silent approval… but it never came.

You took a step backwards, tearing your own heart out in the process, while looking into Tom's wide eyes that were so hopelessly full of mixed emotions that you couldn't possibly tell what he felt. He only stared at you with the saddest face as his chest rose and fell too quickly and the silence between you became unbearable.

"I'm sorry…" You breathed and finally allowed the tears to gather in your eyes, blurring your vision and making it luckily impossible to see the pained expression his own gaze held. "I'm so sorry… I… I love you Tom. I love you… I'm so sorry."

For a few seconds he just stood still right in front of you, the very incarnation of a torn soul, until he finally took a step backwards. Your heart shattered into a million pieces.

"I'm sorry, Y/n…" He breathed with an expression that through your tears looked utterly unfathomable. "I… I can't."

"It's okay…" You smiled through the tears, adding just one more dagger to your already shattered heart. "You don't have to love me. It's okay."

Tom's lips parted immediately as if to reply something he knew he shouldn't, but he closed them again and looked down to the ground with a frown. Silence…

You couldn't bear it any longer, neither the pain nor the sight of his regretful face. It really wasn't his fault that you had fallen in love with him, and it wasn't his fault that he didn't love you back.

"You, uhm… you may not want to kiss that spot on my neck again, in rehearsals. It would be rather painful." You said quietly, as you walked past Tom towards the stage door without another word. And had you turned around only one more time, you might have caught a glimpse of the tears in his eyes.

_______________

You honestly didn't know what you had expected. That someone like Tom would actually love you back? Well, maybe. That telling him would make you feel better? Definitely. But had it? No… it made everything worse, and you could only hope to pick up the pieces now before it would be too late to save the friendship you had established.

And yet, on Monday morning when rehearsals went into the final week before opening night, you couldn't bring yourself to face Tom. Just looking at him, drinking coffee or eating sugar cookies or whatever, it made you want to bawl all over again, despite your attempt to convince yourself that you had run out of tears by Sunday night. And as Monday continued, you did your job and played your part surprisingly well for someone who hadn't slept a single minute in three days. Only that you avoided speaking to Tom despite your heart's ardent yearning to be close to him again… you honestly didn't know what you should've said.

And so the week continued with as much professionalism as you could manage, however the play's happiest scenes seemed a little more dull, like December's prevailing grey, while the sad ones appeared downright tragic in their deep sorrow. Yet, luckily, nobody but you seemed to notice. Almost nobody… for Tom's smile these days seemed to differ not from his character's, fooling even the most watchful eye but yours. You knew him better by now, knew that his honest smile did inexplicable things to you while his feigned one merely served to set lose the smallest butterflies. Or maybe they were moths indeed.

All your energy went into doing the best possible acting job you could, and actually succeeding in it.

Yet, on Thursday night, the second to last day of rehearsals, an event as unexpected as dawn at midnight momentarily lifted you out of your gloom.

"Hey, Y/n?" David called to you once everybody moved to the backstage area to pack up for the night.

"Yeah?" You managed as much as an acknowledging frown, but not a smile.

"Uhm, you know… I was wondering if you would fancy some dinner tonight? Nothing special, really, but there's this nice pub around the corner, and they serve the best burgers in town. I'm paying! Still owe you for that ingenious idea with the counter." He shrugged as he came to stand in front of you with a small smile, looking at your face expectantly.

In all honesty, you were starving. Luckily the first paycheck from the theater had come in, but that had barely sufficed to pay off the debt you'd gotten into over the previous period without work. That still left you with very little money to spend on quality food, and the prospect of both getting something to eat and some distraction from your thoughts about Tom sounded very tempting all of a sudden. And David had said it was nothing special, after all. Only payback.

"Sure, sounds great." You returned a weak attempt at a half smile. "Just let me grab my things and I'm all ready to head out."

He nodded, and you did just as you had said, walking over to the dressing rooms to get your bag and jacket as quickly as you could, for your stomach wouldn't hold up much longer before it would start digesting itself. And yet, just on your way out of the shared dressing room, rounding a corner, you bumped into someone. The someone was Tom.

Your eyes locked with his immediately as they went wide with both surprise and shock, and for a few long seconds you only stared at each other in this unfathomable expression of mixed guilt, sadness, pain and longing. It hadn't even taken one single, broken second however for him to have you under his spell yet again.

As your lips parted at last, in an attempt to force your brain to form sentences, his gaze darkened and he looked away, a deep frown falling upon his face.

"Tom…" You started, but he interrupted you before you could bring out any expression of sincere remorse.

"Have fun with David." Was all he said before he pushed past you into the dressing room and left you standing in the dim overhead lights of the hallway, alone.

_______________

The evening went alright, for you at least succeeded in one thing out of the two you were hoping for, namely getting something proper to eat. Forgetting about Tom however didn't even remotely work out, for David kept going on and on about how amazing the two of you were doing in the play, except for the last scene, which according to him had gotten a little stiff, beginning with this week. You'd agreed of course, but not told him the reason for that, and only promised to do better on Friday.

Yet once Friday afternoon came, and it was time to run through the entire play one last time, you stood on stage chewing on your bottom lip. The first half of the play had gone well, and you used the break in between now to try to gather up some courage to do the scenes with Tom the best you could. David however interrupted your train of thought as he slalomed around your co-actors on stage, towards you. As he politely pushed some people out of the way, you spotted Tom on the other side of the stage, watching you intently.

"Y/n!" David said cheerily as he came to stand in front of you, and you put on a fake smile. "Y/n, I… I just wanted to thank you again for the lovely evening. It was a little… spontaneous, for a first date, but-"

"Date?" You blurted out, interrupting David. Behind him, you saw that Tom was walking away. Damnit. So you focused back on the man in front of you with a blush and an irritated expression. "Uh, I… we… but…"

Recognition flashed through David's face, before a sheepish smile spread on his lips and he chuckled in what you could only call embarrassment. "Well, I see we didn't really have the same idea about last night then… Uhm… I… I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I really didn't mean to. If you'd prefer it not being a date, that's perfectly fine. Sorry."

"Oh, no, I mean yes, I mean… I'm sorry! I kinda didn't get the gist last night, and I thought we were only going for dinner as colleagues, or friends… because that's really all I consider us to be…" You said, feeling a little bad for him. But you really didn't have any interest in him like that, and your mind was entirely elsewhere at the moment. "But you know, it's totally fine… We had a fun evening and now that we're on the same page about that, all is good. Right?"

"Yeah… All's good." David gave you another apologetic smile. "Thanks for being so chill about this… misunderstanding."

"Oh, don't worry… I have enough drama in my life right now to suffice a lifetime. I don't need any more of it." You chuckled softly, and David gave you a thumbs up before making his way off stage to announce the end of the break.

_______________

Something was off. Not only because Tom was actually a good five minutes late for the second half of the play to begin, but also because he refused to even look at you during the first scenes. Your stomach was in knots, as were your nerves. Gods, you missed him...

Then it came to your scene… and Tom's eyes were on yours so suddenly that they felt like a strike of lightning that went right to your core. He had you under his spell again in an instant, and you were lost for the outside world.

His gaze was dark, intimidating… dangerous, as he came walking towards you, and you felt like prey sacrificed to a starving god. The hand that usually fell to your waist in such a gentle manner was replaced by a strong, demanding grip that had your skin covered in goosebumps immediately as he pulled your frozen frame against his own once he stood in between your legs, tightly pressing you against him. Your lips parted.

An inch between your face and his, quivering breath fanning across your skin… the gentlest of kisses on your cheekbone, a ghosting of his lips down your cheek. Your eyes fluttered shut as your head leaned to the side, willingly surrendering to him the most sensitive skin of your neck.

A sigh from the depth of his throat, and your breathing hitched, your hand reaching out to touch him only to halt mid-air in a shiver of reluctance, of remembering… The sweetest of kisses in a torturing slowness down your neck, the tickle of his breath on your skin, and your hand became entangled in his curls without your permission.

A low hum met your ear from the depth of his chest as his lips grew bolder and his hold on you stronger… You pulled him closer to you with the faintest gasp, tugging on the silken strands of hair between your fingers. The echo of his heartbeat in your chest, drumming with your own.

A growl… his lips found your weakest spot where last week's bruise was fading alongside the memory of his touch. A bite. Your quiet moan into the silent room, his name falling from your lips like a silent prayer. You pulled him closer… He stilled. A deep breath.

Tom's lips were on your own in a heartbeat, intense and passionate like licking flames, taking and giving the love previously denied. You gasped, and he took the opportunity to trace your bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, asking, trying… and you allowed him.

Like troubled waters that roughly wave, your mind's twists and turns ebbed down only with the passing storm at last, and finally you could see, could feel, through the sudden regained clearness, to the very bottom of the sea of truth. Tom loved you… he had all along.

Then your thoughts stilled once his lips left a haunting trail of feathery kisses as they moved to your ear, and at last he spoke in a whisper. "You're mine."

______________________________

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I sincerely hope you guys enjoyed this 😊💚💚 I was kinda inspired to write something more steamy both by @hopelessromanticspoonie and @just-the-hiddles , for they just write the greatest steamy stuff 😁 I'm still trying to improve though, so feedback is more than welcome 💗 hugs!

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perpetuelledaydreaming · 5 years ago

Text

hey hey you yeah, I don’t like your girl(boy)friend

summary: The Daily Bulge publishes a not so good article of Spider-man with Black Cat, y/n is pissed because that’s her boyfriend not only flirting but not catching her, so she decides to take matters into her own hands but it’s not that easy, because I mean Felicia is…well you will see.

word count: 4.3 k

author’s note: This was supposed to go one way, hence the title but the 20% of bi in me changed it once I saw like a one hour video of Felicia Hardy, AKA Black Cat on the PS4 game. I mean DAMN girl’s got game. Anyway, like and reblog and leave me requests like whatever you want and I DON’T KNOW HOW THE HELL THOSE TAG LIST WORK but I'm just going to try and do it. There’s going to be a few mistakes that ill be correcting them once I’m not burned out of this story since I wrote it like in record time. Love, -J.

___________

“What is this?”, you place your phone in front of Peter’s face who was laying down in the living room of the Avengers Compound.

He had been training with Bucky and had actually gotten his ass kicked by him since Bucky had gotten a new vibranium arm from T’Challa and Shuri, he was even stronger which annoyed Peter. Plus, he was already a trained assassin which made it difficult but with a vibranium arm? Nearly impossible.

“What?” Peter asked as his eyes fluttered open, he didn’t even know what he had to see since you had plastered the phone too close to his face.

And then they focused:

THE DAILY BULGE: Spider-man in a relationship with Black Cat, the same one who has been *terrorizing* New York the last few months. We request NYPD to investigate this romantic relationship or alliance.

Peter’s eyes opened like plates as he scrolled down and found attached to the article a rather… racy photo of him and Black Cat. Black Cat had Peter against a wall from a random rooftop in Queens, her arms were around his neck and her knee was between his legs really close to… well. It didn’t look good.

Fuck, Peter thought.

“Care to explain why my boyfriend is having a make-out session in a dark rooftop with Black Cat?”, you asked as you glared down at him. “Who, coincidentally, we have never even gotten this close to catch her for like a month?”

Peter sighed as he stood up and took a hold of your hand.

“Y/N, you know that it’s not what it looks like”, Peter said as he looked at your face, scowling.

You knew a lot of things in life, inheriting the genius genes of Tony Stark, you liked to think that you knew a lot. But one thing you knew, and you were sure about was that Peter Parker definitely adored you. Every glance, every touch, every moment, every word, hell you were sure that he would die for you. But this photo, this situation, definitely stroked a chord in you.

Peter was hot, he had grown out of that nerdy and shy guy he was when you first met him, and he was starting to become the leader you always knew he was, and girls notice it too. Gwen Stacy was all over Peter every time they ran into each other, plus girls sometimes couldn’t keep their eyes off of Peter when you walked with him. But here was the thing, if Peter was hot, Spider-man was hotter. Spider-man checked all the boxes for many girls: Fought against crime, had THE body that looked GREAT with that suit, safe everyone, risk his life, was an avenger and was extremely close and great to everyone that met him, I mean he was even polite to villains. Spider-man was winning the race for Avenger with more fan accounts, you were a close second and Thor was third.

But this? This was a whole different level.

“So why didn’t you bother to tell me about it?”, you asked as you snatched the phone from Peter’s hand and walked towards the kitchen.

Peter rolled his eyes and he followed you. As a couple, this was a first and Peter Parker, being as oblivious as he was, never thought something like this would actually happen.

And less with someone like Black Cat.

…

Peter had been doing patrols alone since you had been extremely busy the last few weeks, Peter knew you were an important person, but it had been out of controlled lately. Firstly, you had to study for university since your academic achievements were your second goal in life, plus law school wasn’t easy; Then, Pepper and you had actually started a project with Starks Industries about giving free classes to women and girls interested in STEM careers for them to earn a kind of degree that could start-jump their own projects or even work at Starks Industries; Moreover, you had been getting together with Fury and all the other Avengers about information regarding hydra nests in Europe and Latin America. And so, patrolling fall back at the end of your list, which was actually sad since it had been a way of spending time with Peter since you began avenging at fifteen.

But Peter had let it go, he didn’t want to be another thing for you to worry about, you would see each other every night and sleep together in your room at Stark’s Tower, and he was doing it fine alone, I mean it sucked being alone but nothing too big had happened and he managed himself, at least until Black Cat appeared.

“You look good”, a silky voice woke Peter out of his thoughts as he was watching Queens in a random rooftop he had recently swing to.

Peter turned around, startled when he saw her, and boy, she was something to see.

Grey or almost white hair wrapped up in a tall ponytail, with two strands of hair framing her face perfectly, complementing her sharp jawline while her almost purple eyes shined from behind her mask. Then her black leather costume with soft white lines was, well, tight everywhere. It framed her body perfectly and it looked like almost a second skin. Her body was voluptuous and beautiful, and her hands looked like claws with those nails, they seemed like they could cut ice.

But for Peter? She had nothing on you.

Peter stayed silence, he had been completely taken by surprise and he tried to prepare himself for his next moves. He definitely needed to catch her.

See, you had actually been having a lot of problems with her lately. At first, they were art robberies or to really rich people in Upper Manhattan, which was concerning but mostly it was something that the NYPD could take care of, but recently like all criminals she escalated. The latest ones were to Oscorp Industries and Hammer Industries, which was concerning considering that the information that these companies held was extremely delicate. Peter and you were really worried about what she could do to that information or more accurately, who she would sell that information to. Pepper and Happy were especially worried about any security breach to Stark Industries or even the Avengers compound but you had reinforced the security for both of those.

Therefore, it had been priority number one to catch her but here was the thing, she was sleek as hell and always escape before you could actually do anything about it.

“What happened? Cat got your tongue?”, she asked softly as she got even closer to Peter. Her eyes gleamed with malice and smirk was drawn on her face, as Peter struggled to find the right words and at the same time think how he could take her down.

“How, how did you find me?” Peter managed to get out as his body stiffened when she gave a cartwheel and landed in front of him, on the edge of the building.

She giggled as she stepped forward Peter, who barely gave a step backwards into the air. She was closer than ever, and Peter swallowed hard as she placed one of her nails in his chest, playing with it.

“I’ve been watching you, you seem like my type”, Black Cat whispered as she drew little hearts and strings on Peter’s chest. “A strong, polite and hot gentleman I could negotiate with”

Peter felt her getting more relax and knew this was the time to act.

“Then, I’m definitely not your type” Peter answered as he took a hold of her wrist and shot a web towards a wall in the door’s rooftop, his plan was to stick her up completely to the wall.

But as before, she had an advantage and as soon as he shot his web towards the door, she retaliated. It was different than most fights Peter had because she was simply smooth as anyone could be and he barely realized when she placed a hand on his shoulder and step over his knee. He even dared to say she was smoother than Natasha since, at this point, Peter was unaware until she managed to get off his grip on her wrist, climb over him and then push him on the ground while she did a backflip towards another rooftop.

Peter groaned as he hit the floor but quickly reacted as he shot another web and pushed himself into the other rooftop where Black Cat had jumped. When Peter landed, he didn’t saw her, and it was just an empty rooftop, he cursed under his breath. He had lost her, again.

But then he felt it, in one swift motion she catch his wrist as he turned around to see her behind him, grinning, biting her lower lip while she giggled her eyebrows.

“Oh, but I really think you are”, Black Cat whispered as she suddenly pushed him against a wall, flesh against flesh and pressed his wrist a bit harder than before.

From one second to another, blue sparks started to appear on his web shooter as Peter watched in disbelief. Ok, now he was pissed. He shook her grip on him and he quickly places one of his hands behind her back, attempting to push her into the floor and then cover her on web from his reminding web shooter.

“Okay this isn’t funny anymore” Peter whispered as he pushed with all his strength, thinking that she would fall on the floor.

But a hold on his arm quickly showed Peter she wasn’t following on his plan when his arm pushed her to a side she managed to do a backflip and they ended up in the same position, as if nothing had happened, except she now she had her hand -paw- on his chest, holding a small button and she pressed it like she meant it.

And Peter felt his muscles were starting to go numb, itching all over his body while blue sparks appeared all over his suit. Black Cat smiled, a playful look drawn on her face. She pressed her flesh against him and quickly separated his legs in one swift movement.

“I would really like to know the face under that mask, you must be eye candy”, Black Cat whispered as her hands quickly went behind his neck and her knee rose between his neck.

Peter couldn’t move, he simply couldn’t, and he felt like he was blushing more and more as each second passed almost at the same rate as his frustration with this lady. She was indeed beautiful, and he hated that he had been distracted by it and now this was just plainly uncomfortable with him as he felt self-conscious about their closeness, how she was moving on him.

“I have a girlfriend”, Peter growled as he tried to escape, to move but he couldn’t, and he couldn’t stop looking at those gleaming purple eyes that were looking at him keenly. “What do you want?”, he finally let out in a sigh.

Black Cat smirked as her lips ghosted over Peter’s lips that were behind the mask.

“Lucky her and like I say I want to do business with you”, she responded, her voice sounded like honey as she got little closer Peter and toyed with the mask. “Think about it stud, I do business and pleasure”

She gave a back handspring and Peter felt into the floor with a groan, he was feeling a lot more now, but he couldn’t exactly move like before.

As soon as he could get up, she was gone.

…

“And you didn’t care to tell me all this before?”, you glared at Peter with disbelief from the other side of the kitchen counter.

Peter opened his mouth for a moment and then shut it, he looked down. He really wanted to tell you, it had happened yesterday, but he was somehow nervous about how to bring out the subject, especially the part where he let her go.

You rolled your eyes, you couldn’t believe how Peter was acting. You knew he was polite and try to do the best thing in every case, but this was as if she had taken advantage of him which made your blood boil, even more, this was your boyfriend and your job, and no one would distract you from it.

“Okay that’s it, I’m going with you today and we are going to catch her”, you stated as you looked at Peter, a little bit softer than before.

This was Peter’s cue.

“We are going to babe”, Peter said to you with a smile as he climbed over the counter and landed directly at your side. “I love you”

He took a hold of your hand and pulled you into him, so you were looking directly at his lips and he placed his hand on your back and pulled you closer. He loved you, he loved you so much and he hated the idea of disappointing you or you getting somehow upset with him.

But you still couldn’t get over it, you still weren’t done being upset so when Peter pulled you in for a kiss, you quickly turned your head and his lips hit your cheek.

He whimpered.

“By the way, you need to talk to the press department about this, because it doesn’t look good”, you said before you placed your phone on his chest and quickly escaped his hold on you.

He closed his eyes and cursed under his breath, now he was really upset.

You watched Queen’s from the same rooftop that Peter had been the day before, it was actually one of his favorites. It had a great view of one of the main streets in Queens, which was perfect for him on an avenger level but even better as it had a movie cinema that he loved, Delmar’s, a pizza place that was declared the best by MJ and more. You had been at that rooftop countless times before as Tony allowed you to start going on patrols with Peter to Queens for you to have a little bit more practice in the real world and actually help more people. If it was a slow day, you would even get snacks and have a little picnic here.

But today, it wasn’t a slow day as you stoop up from the edge of the building, pressing your necklace so your suit would return to the capsule on it. You had been here approximately three hours and there was still nothing. Peter, meanwhile, was studying for his A.I. class that hadn’t been his best subject lately, not because it was actually hard for Peter but most of all because he had been missing class because of Spider-man duties.

You watched him as he had his mask folded on his face, just above the nose while he chewed on his pencil and typed quickly on his laptop. You smiled, you always thought he looked cute when he did that and you loved kissing him like that when you were on duty, it almost came with anticipation, Peter gazed at you and smiled, but you turned around -still a little bit upset about what had happened-. Peter rolled his eyes, you hadn’t kissed in what it seemed forever and well, Peter was all over you most of the time.

But then, he felt his spider senses going off on his right, he quickly pulled his mask down and packed his laptop on his bag.

“Y/N”, Peter said, and you turned around, watching him preparing. You tapped the charm on your necklace and quickly your suit began spreading all over your body, finally your mask closing. Peter ran towards you and remained on your side.

From one moment to another a shadow appeared on the rooftop, there she was.

“I liked our picture in the article, we went viral you know?” Black Cat grinned as her hips moved from side to side as she walked towards you.

Now, you more or less understood what had happened yesterday, there was something about her that just seemed intoxicating.

“I wouldn’t exactly say it went viral Cat” Peter spat out, as he backed a bit from her while she walked.

“Well well, what a surprise, you did what I asked and brought me the one I really needed to bargain with?” Black Cat said as her focus shifted on you, who had remained silence watching her every move. “And she’s a cutie”

Peter turned around to watch you as the nanotech disappear from your face, so you could really talk to her.

“Okay Cat, I’m running out of patience, could you maybe stop flirting with him and get to business?”, you hissed as you walked towards her calmly. “What do you want? Is Stark Industries' next target?”

Black Cat laughed loudly and with a touch of elegance as her paw went towards her chest.

“Oh no baby, I wouldn’t mess with you. But I’m having trouble thinking why you would want to help Oscorp or Hammer industries if you really knew what they were working in” Black Cat said as she did a handstand forward rolled and got closer to you, she licked her lips when she landed in front of you.

“What do you mean?”, you asked her as she started surrounding you, as her hips rolled and undulated. She stopped for a second as she looked at you and then her gaze went back to Peter and then back to you.

“Wait, does it bother you Stark? Me flirting with Spider-boy? And here I thought that TMZ had reported that you already had someone special”, she giggled as your eyes narrowed.

Being the daughter of Tony Stark didn’t come at a free price, you had been in the media since you were little and knew it was something you had to handle. Mostly, with the security your dad had placed on you, you never actually suffer a lot in your childhood, that was until he became Iron Man. Which not only double the security but the media attention as well. You tried to keep off of it but there were moments when you were caught on camera, going to a party or walking in New York, one of those moments was holding hands with Peter when you were visiting Coney Island one October afternoon. It had been taken by fans and it was mostly blurry, so you couldn’t really see Peter’s face but the pictures where telling: you two holding hands, a peck here and there, hugs, Peter’s hand a little too low on your back. It had been a whole thing since you needed privacy in order to keep avenging without fear that someone could come for Peter or Aunt May, a cease and desist letter was involved, hell it wasn’t pretty.

“Your answer it’s telling, so I guess I can make my move now” Black Cat continued as she placed a hand on your suit, you stiffened at her touch and watched her carefully.,

“What?”, Peter asked and as she turned around to answer, you made your move.

You squatted and with one swift movement you swiped Black Cat’s legs, she quickly fell into the floor and you stood up pointing at her with your repulsor, but before you could say anything she did a side split and quickly wrapped her legs onto your whole arm, she pulled you down and you fell on the floor. You quickly gave a rolled and ended up squatting while she stood up on the other side, your mask quickly appeared on your face as Peter shoot webs to her legs but failed multiple times as she gave full turn jumps and performed leaps until one of them caught. Peter smirked as he pulled her towards him, causing her to flop on the floor with a groan while you flew where she landed attempting to immobilize her hands with vibranium bracelets, but she threw something at you as you fire one of the bracelets and it restrained one of her arms.

While Peter reinforced it with more webs but soon both of you were distracted when blue sparks started to flash from your suit and it quickly began to dematerialize. Black Cat then threw one at Peter but instead of just affecting the suit, it sent electric shocks at Peter who fell into the ground, his legs giving up, the same feeling as the day before. Suddenly, without being able to get off the floor but with enough space to move, Black Cat quickly did a candlestick and then a split, wrapping your waist in her legs and then pulling you down over her. She giggled as you fell completely over her as you still tried to wrap your head with the fact that she had made your suit retracted, but you quickly tried to fight her off by taking a whole of her free hand and pulling it in the position that Nat had taught you in order to break arms, so you didn’t bat an eye when you heard her whimpered but before you could do anything, she did a V-sit and knocked both of your heads, leaving you a bit dizzy as she changed positions.

It happened too fast, even for Peter to somehow react a little and it was too late once he removed the pin from his chest. When he intended to fire his webs and immobilize her, she was already sat on your lap, hovering over you while she held both of your arms.

“Oh yeah, I swing both ways darling” Black Cat teased Peter as she looked down at your lips and then at your eyes.

You blushed a little bit and groaned as you tried to get her off you.

Peter tried to walk towards you, but Black Cat quickly reacted by placing her index finger, the one who had the longest nails, that actually looked like a knife on your neck, pressing a little bit and you felt like it was barely puncturing your skin.

“No no handsome, Stark and I have a business to talk,” Black Cat said as she shook her head and pressed a little bit harder, a drop of blood fell from your neck and you whimpered. Peter freeze at that moment, he felt his whole body stiffened and he clenched his fists, his breath became a little short and remained quiet. “Atta’ boy” Black Cat sang as she then focused on you, removing her nail from your neck.

You sighed, knowing it wasn’t going to be easy.

“How could you damage my tech or immobilize Spider-man? Our tech is impossible, my dad created those”, you said making the effort to sound reassuring. “Plus, Spider-man’s metabolism doesn’t give up that fast so how did you create shock waves that could put him down?”

“Now we are talking business”, Black Cat said as she giggled. “How do you think I got it? I know I’m smart but not tech smart, street smart you see. Talking of smart, I thought you were smarter to know never to trust competition”

“Oh, I am smart but I’m having trouble wrapping my head around why would Osborn and Hammer want the Avengers down unless they were creating …”, and then it hit you like a train.

“…something that the Avengers would definitely shut down as soon as they saw it.” Peter blurted out as he watched you, you furrowed your brows while you looked at Peter.

“Aw, seeing you two solving mysteries together is extremely cute. I guess you do have a special someone” Black Cat grinned as she finally let go of your arms and you simply laid there on the ground as you began thinking what in the hell both of your supposed allies where thinking about it, but your thoughts quickly dissipated as you watched her purple eyes gleaming at you.

“And what do you gain with telling me this?”, you wondered as you placed your hands on her legs.

She smirked and then lean down into you, her lips ghosting yours as her eyes never left yours.

“Call me a stan, especially for you Stark, but I support you guys more and anyone who is smart enough knows better than going against The Avengers”, Black Cat accepted, and you felt shorter of breath as you realized how close she was to you, you felt electricity on your body but then…

SLASH!

Peter broke the webs and deactivated the vibranium bracelet, releasing Black Cat quickly as she pulled you away from her, holding you tightly.

Black Cat rolled her eyes as she squatted in front of you, she smirked while watching Peter who was holding you defensively. If she could see him, he was definitely glaring at her but you, you were basically in awed because she, at the end of the day, gave you a major tip on a move these two assholes where planning.

“Easy, Spider-boy we were having a moment there”, Black Cat goaded as she looked at you with her purple eyes. “If you want to work with me, you know how to find me, my name is Felicia”

Quickly she did an arch and then stood up, she winked at you before performing another backflip and then falling between the buildings.

Peter finally relaxed and let you go while you stood up and tapped your com.

“H.A.P.P.Y, check out what happened to my suit and Peter’s please and get any dirt you can find in both Hammer and Osborn” you stated as you kept gazing at Queen’s view, not stopping to think about what Black Cat or well, Felicia had said.

“Was she hitting on you? Peter asked in disbelief behind you, wrapping you in his arms and you smirked. “Now you see what I mean!” Peter finally let out from behind you and your smile, pulling his mask up and pulling him in for a kiss.

Now you knew what he meant.

_______________________________________________________________________

TAG LIST: @spideylovin @eridanuswave @featuringcone9

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rokutouxei · 4 years ago

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the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]

The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshop’s most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theo’s pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stay—and how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!

[ masterpost for all chapters ]

CHAPTER 5 OF 22

It’s not on purpose.

Theo isn’t intentionally testing her determination or anything of that sort. He just can’t wrap his head around her persistence.

He doesn’t purposefully make himself hard to contact to shrug her off. It’s just that he’s not as fond of social media as the next person. Sure, he does have accounts for the biggest names in the industry—Instagram, Facebook, the works—but he doesn’t use them regularly, or posts on them at all. The easiest and more surefire way to contact him, really, is through the usual, plain old messaging app on the phone, or maybe through a call.

(And he’s not so sure about giving her his number so suddenly.)

He doesn’t give the most roundabout answers to Arthur’s questions to keep her hanging. He just doesn’t want Arthur sticking his nose in business that isn’t his to begin with. He doesn’t find any reason to tell his coworker anything about their book exchange, even if—after Arthur’s admission—this entire friendship began with his orchestration.

He’s not doing it on purpose.

He knows how easily this could lead to understandable frustration. Maybe even the vague feeling that maybe he’s only attending their little book exchange sessions at the Grove because she gets Vincent to tell him. Maybe she won’t have the patience for him. Maybe she’ll just drop it.

But she doesn’t.

And that makes it even more confusing.

“Why are you taking this so seriously?” Theo asks one day, after they’ve handed the next week’s books to one another. He’s looking at her with a stern gaze, as if calculating every minuscule twitch on her face.

She only shrugs her shoulders and looks up at him innocently. “I’m having fun, aren’t you?”

As if the extra steps he’s making her take are not wasted time. As if she sees that she’s already slowly melting ice. It’s not that Theo is shunning her—but it’s safer like this, keeping her at a distance. Theo has his own priorities, and all arrows point to Vincent. The least he can do is make sure the books he lends are good; make sure he has the appropriate insight to bring with him. And she, in turn, sends every pass-the-message text (to Arthur, to Vincent), leaves all the notes in between lent and borrowed books, shows up to every meeting with that unbeatable smile on her face.

And in truth, Theo isn’t sure where this is going. Theo isn’t sure what she’s going to do to him, why they’re doing all this. But for now, he’ll just let her keep on doing this. For now.

They just both have a good feeling about it.

There is a certain art of choosing books to recommend to people. There is, of course, the matter of having a certain level of being well-read, as choosing from a hundred books allows more elbow room than choosing from ten.

But she knows better; there is more to it than just that.

If there’s one thing she is absolutely sure about the world, it’s that books—fiction, nonfiction, poetry, name it—all have the ability to bring people elsewhere. It’s magic she wishes she could have in real life. Sneak in between the pages and find yourself transported to an entirely separate timeline of the universe where these things happened. Slip a hand at the center-point and find yourself in a different world, where things are different.

Wouldn’t that be amazing?

But it’s not just about the bringing into, but also the bringing with—what do the books carry with them that will be useful to the reader? Which of its commendable qualities will match the receiver? Is it its storytelling, the way it weaves each character through their growth and journey? Is it the message, the core of it which it carries throughout the text through every plot point that happens? Is it the imagery, the space between the real and the imagined, where the infinite possibilities exist?

This is the tender part. This is the part that feels the most raw.

Romance has never been at the top of her priority list. She’s no newbie to it, but it’s just never been the most important thing in her life. It’s never been on the list at all. Getting into a relationship, the dating scene, being romantically attached to people—she understands the joy of it, she’s definitely dipped her toes into the water, but it isn’t what she wants right now.

She figures choosing books for people is the closest she can get to that feeling for now.

It’s not only Theo, of course—sometimes Arthur asks her for some recommendations too, and sometimes Dazai does, as well. To her it’s nothing more than a way of showing her affection, a little, “I had you in my thoughts,” as she matches a book to its recipient. It becomes more than just another title, not just another author.

She clutches the book Theo’s lent her for the week close to her chest as she crouches in front of her bookshelf to browse her own collection. She thinks, matching their theme to her heart: which book would best suit Theo’s needs? Which things might he benefit from hearing?

Pulls a book out from the shelf and wonders—which one would grace his life with a little bit of stardust?

That week, Theo asked her to “lend me the book you wish everyone would read at least once”—and when she answered with “no, that’s impossible, I can’t lend you 39 books at once?”—he clarified, “the one you’re still coming to terms with.” And that’s a really odd way to describe a book you’d want everyone else to read—Theo himself knew that—but somehow it made perfect sense to her, and the week later she hands him the small bound book.

She had passed onto him Neruda’s Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair.

An interesting choice, really, for that book to have fit under the said category, but Theo’s stopped trying to make sense of the surprises she brings up for him at this point. The book isn’t really lengthy—this particular volume is less than a hundred pages long, and it only took Theo a good hour to go through the contents, even while relishing every word of it. (She does the opposite, speed-running every book as fast as possible, because she “can’t be patient about what happens next”, a concept he cannot understand—“The book is not leaving, why don’t you enjoy what is written?” “I can’t wait! I need to know!”)

It’s not a complicated book.

But it sure has complicated feelings.

So he kind of understands why she had chosen that one.

Theo has a complicated relationship with love. Not that he’s had any sort of traumatizing past relationship or a lingering resentment for an ex, but there was just something about the concept of romance that doesn’t sit…right with him.

It’s not that he doesn’t know what it is, he does. There are books he loves—books he is very thankful for having found in this lifetime. There are food he loves, food that fills his stomach with warmth and makes his heart flutter and makes him feel like maybe world peace is achievable, and it’s in a spoonful of this creamy sugary pancake after all. And most importantly, he loves his brother very much; would like to see Vincent do great things in the future, or, if not that, then at least be happy, and live the life he wants to live—that’s what love is, isn’t it? To enjoy something wholly for what it is, and what it does to you. To want the best for a person.

His problem with love is he doesn’t know what to do with it.

In the same way that he still loves his parents even if they don’t understand why he’d go through such lengths for Vincent. In the same way that he still loves the people who’ve left him behind in the past, friends, old lovers, even when his heart was still pouring. And isn’t that what love is? To love something wholly for what it is, what it does to you, to forgive it of its mistakes and shortcomings?

Even when the cost is yours to bear?

What to do with a love that can live in his heart when the other no longer wants it?

Theo reads Neruda’s poetry book once. And then reads it again. And then reads some of his other books for good measure.

It’s pretty common to find Arthur walking around the campus with his hands in his pockets and the many eyes of adoring (or maybe loathing) girls on him—for all the understandable reasons. Today was a little different though, because he is outside the Arts Building in the late afternoon, reading some sort of a flyer.

“Arthur!”

He hastily keeps the flyer into his bag as she jogs up to him. “Hello, little miss. Nice to see you around.”

“What’re you doing here?” she asks, trying to peep into his bag.

Arthur, instead, pushes himself off the wall that he’d been leaning on, smoothly slipping his arm around hers. Months of friendship had gotten her used to him being touchy; she lets him. “Labor of love. Walk me back to the bookshop?”

She’s not surprised, but she asks anyway. “Are you on your shift?”

“It was an important errand to run, no need to be so incensed,” he says, half-laughing. “Let’s go back before your boyfriend has more than words for me.”

Pinching Arthur’s arm, she quips back: “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“Why, that’s exactly what he told me! You know you don’t need to keep it a secret from me.”

“You’re the absolute worst, Arthur.” The two of them fall into an even pace walking down the sidewalk. She relies on the silence to get them there, but there is something about the biting intrigue that snags her. “…What did Theo say?”

Arthur smirks. Openly. “Curious suddenly?”

“He doesn’t exactly talk to me about things like this,” she huffs. “It’s just books and literature with him.”

“That just means you haven’t cracked him.”

She pouts. “You’re not supposed to need to crack people.” She tugs at Arthur’s sleeve, insistent. “C’mon, tell me. He has to have told you something, right?”

Confidently, Arthur says, “Theo tells me everything.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I suppose my information is subpar, then, so why should I—”

“Arthur!”

“Yes, yes, okay,” he says, finally relenting. “He won’t say it to your face, but he really enjoys spending time with you, little bird.”

Her face lights up like a little sun. “Really?”

“Oh, dear. Whatever will he feel, ratting him out like this—”

“Please, we all know you do not care because we are your source of entertainment,” she says, elbowing him. “…I was doubting it, honestly, but that’s a relief.”

“He never stops talking about your book club, actually.”

“No way.”

“Always masked in a complaint, but always about it all the time,” Arthur says, watching the smile grow on her face. “You’re a good influence on him, at least he’s not brooding away in a corner all day long. The customers have enjoyed his new, refreshed presence. All the lovely girls coming in now, what a joy.”

She squeezes his arm as they round the corner. “Why do I feel like this is going exactly according to your plan?” Arthur does not attempt denial.

Theo does not stop asking for poetry books.

Only because he knows that even if she doesn’t voice it out loud, she’d want to lend him poetry books anyway. She, on the other hand, changes genres every week. Poetry, nonfiction, YA fiction, children’s fiction. She jumps from Ariel to A Little Life to The Girl Who drank the Moon to On Earth we Were Briefly Gorgeous. She has so much to say and so much to ask.

It’s just about driven Theo insane.

(It’s a good thing he enjoys her company.)

He won’t admit it, of course, but he shows up anyway. He frowns at every text she sends Vincent but he’s there. Every single Saturday. Reads every stray fast-food receipt note she slips in between the pages of the books she returns. Spends time on the books she lends him.

Ah, what did he get himself into?

Whatever.

Today, he’s brought with him Kerouac’s On the Road because she asked for a book that made him want to go away.

“Why am I not surprised that you brought me a Kerouac?” she asks while taking the book into her hands. She always holds them so gently. “His style is so interesting, though. Is it a shame to admit I’ve only read his poetry?”

“Only a little,” Theo says, but he’s joking because the corner of his lip is curled up ever so gently.

She flips the book to read the summary at the back. “Beat Generation, huh.”

“They wrote about liberation,” Theo says, sounding somehow defensive of his choice of a book. “Gritty and maybe even sloppy writing, but they wrote about freedom. Breaking the norm, finding yourself, facing the reality… doesn’t that fit your criteria of making one want to go away?”

She turns to him curiously. “Have you ever wanted to go away, Theo?”

He doesn’t turn to her. “I’m more the kind of person that stays.”

“Well, being a househusband isn’t bad work,” she comments, to which Theo snorts. “You know, I’ve really found that you have some sort of… classical, helpless romantic kind of aura on you.”

That makes him turn towards her. “What.”

“I mean, the books you’ve lent me—they all have some sort of romantic quality to them, you know? No matter how serious they get. I’m still recovering from A Little Life, you know.” She laughs. “Plus, all you’ve been asking me to lend you is poetry. Have you perhaps changed your mind about poetry?”

He narrows his eyes. “I don’t see how that makes me a romantic.” He sighs. “I didn’t think lowly of poetry, it just wasn’t my priority,” Theo clarifies. “We agreed to let the borrower decide the genre of the book but you’re so insistent on poetry that I’d rather take what you have instead of asking for something else. You’re pretty annoying when you’re insistent.”

She doesn’t deny the fact that she’s always saying about how she already has a poetry book to lend him every week. “I’m not annoying,” she says, pouting. “Geez, Theo, all you need to do is be honest and say you love poetry now and it’s because of me.”

“Is this a cause of yours? Getting people into poetry?”

But then, the banter stops. She falls silent for a moment that feels too long. Theo feels like he has to take back what he says, when, “Yes, something like that,” she says, softly. “They’re like love letters to the universe, I think they’re great.”

“That’s an interesting take.”

She frowns. “Do you not like love letters?”

Theo shrugs. “They’re classical.”

“That’s a non-answer,” she huffs. Holding her palm upward to the sky in a gesture, she says, “I just think they’re neat. It’s like a different experience in every book, every collection. You ever get a feeling that some poems find you, instead of the other way around? Like you were meant to find it at that exact moment?” Theo lightly shakes his head. “Really? Maybe you’ll experience it with some of the stuff I give you.”

He doesn’t know what’s hiding behind that serious expression, that other reason she’s so attached to poetry that she isn’t quite ready to say yet. He can feel it though. He doesn’t have the right to ask yet.

Instead, he raises his eyebrow and says, “You seem awfully confident.”

“I’m planning to make you read hundreds and hundreds of them, so it’s just a matter of numbers,” she says with a grin. “C’mon. Have any of the books I’ve given to you at least had a poem that resonated with you?”

And Theo pauses. Resonated, that’s a heavy word, it carries a lot with it. One could wish what they create would resonate with a lot of its consumers, whether that’s paintings or poetry or philosophies, but it’s not an exact art, and sometimes it’s all just a question of luck. Theo hesitantly shakes his head. “Not that I can think of,” he says. Thinks of the lines he’d copied out of the books to be remembered later. They were good lines, but hardly ones that resonated.

She hums, not sounding too put down by his answer. “Well, that just means we have to keep looking, right? I hope today’s at least gets some emotion in your face, Mister-Statue-Face-With-No-Feelings.”

“Hondje… What did you just call me?”

That day, he gives her his phone number.

She doesn’t know why everyone keeps asking her about it.

Sure, she had a crush on him, but it was really only entirely out of aesthetics. There was no denying he was hot, but he’s rather rough on the edges and has a rather sharp personality to be someone would want a boyfriend out of. Really, at this point, all she wants is to hang out with him and maybe reads some of the books he reads. Again—she doesn’t have space for distractions right now.

But everyone keeps asking her about it. Non-stop.

When she goes to the bookshop and Theo is at the back, Arthur comes up to her and asks her how The Friendship is going—as if it were something more special than just your regular old friendship. Most of the time she doesn’t know what to tell him, because somehow all he ever says to her after hearing about it is a small hmm like the answer didn’t quite fill in what he wanted to hear. Well, Arthur, sucks to be you, but you’re not hearing what you want to hear, she says to herself. Arthur’s a secret sucker for romance, the playboy that he is, and she’s not giving him a show.

But it’s not just Arthur. Vincent, too, asks her regularly. And considering she spends a good amount of time in the café he works at, the questions aren’t exactly that avoidable. She’ll order her drink and a pastry and Vincent will go, “is Theo being nice to you?” or any other variation of that sentence. (Somehow that feels like Vincent knows Theo is just mean in general, and that’s a kind of relief she doesn’t know how to explain. If his brother thinks he’s regularly mean, maybe that’s really just who he is, and also kind of forgivable.) Of course, she can’t exactly tell Vincent that Theo isn’t being nice to her, but oppositely, Theo isn’t really being mean to her either. He’s tolerating her every attempt to annoy him—or really, not annoy him, just hang out with him—and he hasn’t pushed her away exactly, so it must be going alright, right?

Of course, Dazai is curious as well, despite his earlier misgivings with Theo. (Dazai’s had bad experiences with business majors and romance in the past.) He’s not as persistent as Vincent and Arthur, but every chance he gets—say, an offhanded remark about a book or the bookshop, any little topic he feels he can reasonably steer towards the direction of Theo—he does ask. He asks in the way a friend would be curious of a new relationship—it is one, just not romantic, she insists—all full of worries for said friend. She appreciates this in many ways, because she knows Dazai can give her advice that will be very valuable to her. Still—the attention the thing pulls is kind of ridiculous, to her.

It doesn’t end with Dazai though, and at this point, it’s just going to be a long laundry list of people who are looking for gossip between her and Theo when—there really isn’t any. Despite being a literature major, she’s actually part of the campus’ local astronomy club, because why not? Stars are neat and she can’t quite catch up with the rest of the astrophysics majors that is actually with her, but the stargazing with the telescopes definitely makes it worth it. It’s just that Dazai is friends with their club head for a reason or another—a graduate student in astrophysics, Isaac Newton, and when Dazai knows there really isn’t any much harm, he runs his mouth, so—Isaac’s asked her at least once about Theo as well. Luckily Isaac is more on the awkward side—and they really aren’t that close quite yet, club aside—so he asks once, sees her reaction of despair and exhaustion, and never asks again.

She wonders if Theo gets the same barrage of questions as she does. From Arthur, for sure, but—Theo doesn’t exactly talk about other friends of his. Maybe they just haven’t gotten close enough for him to bring them up. Besides, whether or not people ask him about them or not, he’s sure that he already knows about the little crush—he’s just playing at it. Playing for what, she doesn’t know, and somehow, she’s fine with that.

That was all it was ever meant to be, anyway—a passing crush, a nice face, a sight for sore eyes, something to fall back on to refresh herself after long days of pushing her mind to the limit, working herself to exhaustion.

He was meant to be a breather, not a distraction.

To be friends is more than enough.

She screams into a pillow and grins.

#the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart #ikemen vampire #ikevamp theo

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souprights · 4 years ago

Text

DIY for Transmasc Minors/Those still living with unsupportive family

For context, I'm just turned 17, still living with my parents and live in the USA. This is just my experience! It may not be the best/easiest way to go about DIYing. I'm going to do my best to make this as comprehensive as possible, and please let me know if anything if incorrect or if I should add anything.

Firstly, if you're under the age of 16, I don't recommend this at all!! DIY should be a last-ditch effort, after you've tried all else. Please seek therapy, a supportive friend group, and a good community before turning to illegal means, because, yes, purchasing and being in possession of T without a script is illegal.

What's it Gonna Cost?

For cost, you're going to need about $60 - $115 of reliable income a month. Depending on the site you use, and how many millilitres of (injectable) T you purchase, that's going to vary, but $60 is the typical minimum I can find. Don't forget shipping is going to be around $15-30.

This only includes the T!! Don't forget you're going to need needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs if you're injecting, as well as blood tests.

What Kind of T?

Whether you use gel or injections is entirely up to you and your comfort. However, please avoid orals! Those are just gonna wreck your liver, no matter how painlessly tempting they may be.

Gels run more expensive, but with injectable, there's extra purchases/packages to be had.

Hang On, Blood Tests?

To make sure your levels are in a safe/normal range, you're going to need a blood test. If possible, look for Quest or LabCorp-esque places to get proper bloods done. I was too nervous to do that, given how closely my parents track my every move while I'm not at home, so settle for finger prick at-home tests if necessary. Unless the site advertises Discreet Packaging, I highly recommend having these sent to a friend and picking them up at school/when hanging out.

Do one before starting T, one at Month One, Two and Three, respectively. Based on your levels, adjust or figure out your dose. If everything is typical at Month Three, you don't have to test again till Month Six. After that, check at your One Year mark, then yearly thereafter.

Where/How Do I Get All This?

eroids.com is the first place I turn to when looking for places to order T. You can read reviews for each site listed, and get an average rating from people who've used the sites. If you want to go for gels, I suggest poking around Reddit and finding other people who've DIYed with gel, and asking them for their opinions and recommendations. Make an informed decision no matter what you choose, and spend PLENTY of time researching.

For needles, bandaids, and alcohol swabs I honestly just use Amazon. MAKE SURE you mark your order as a gift, or else you're probably going to run into the issue of the packaging being marked with "medical supplies." Imagine your overbearing parents seeing that and ripping open your package, and immediately assuming you're spending your days in back alleys shooting up. Not fun. Take my word, and learn from my mistake.

As for bloods, just poke around till you find a test that takes your free T and total T both, or go somewhere and have it done proper.

Now, you might try using a PO box to not worry about your family seeing any packages arriving, or having it sent to a friend with more relaxed/accepting parents. Later in the year (when I'm doing this) using the approaching gift-giving holidays to keep people out of your parcels might be plausible. Or maybe your family doesn't care. Ultimately, imagine the worst case scenario and judge what to do knowing your own situation.

Okay, But....Bitcoin

Ah, yes. Daunting, tricky Bitcoin. Majority of sites only accept Bitcoin as payment. But I swear it's not as bad or hard as it sounds. Your first issue is honestly going to be finding somewhere that doesn't require you to be 18+ to purchase it. Now, don't worry too much. For me, I got my older sister to put in all her details, and I just used my money to make purchases. You can do the same with an 18+ friend, relative, or relative of a friend's. Or, send an 18+ friend's CashApp the money necessary to make a Bitcoin purchase and transfer for you.

Now, my first order of T was only about $60, with shipping and everything, since I only bought 4ml total to begin with. If you buy a bigger vial, it's going to cost more. $60 was as much as I could spend without making my parents suspicious (they keep an eye on my bank account), so if you have a similar problem or a smaller spending threshold of concern, don't worry. Just spend your max threshold on buying Bitcoin as often as you can. The Bitcoin will be stored for you to compile and use later. Keep in mind its value may go down, so buy a bit extra if you're saving up over time.

I use an app called Edge to handle all my Bitcoin transactions. It's simple, easy, and you can use a card, a direct bank transfer, Apple Pay or Cash (if there's a Bitcoin ATM near you--no worries, there's a handy map in the app itself to lead you to the nearest one of those). I used Apple Pay, so unfortunately, I can't help with any other methods than that. You can also use CashApp, but Edge's verification went much much faster, and I was not in the mood to wait a few extra days.

There's going to be a fee, usually outlined before you select your payment type. I included that in the cost of the T above, which might be more or less.

And lastly, it's not instant. It usually takes a few hours, but if it's more than a few days, reach out to customer support.

Each site lists instructions with how to send payment once ordered. Just follow their instructions, and talk to them if you have any trouble. They're usually more than happy to help you send them money.

So I've ordered my T

Shipping times are going to vary!! Keep this in mind. If you used eroids, users typically include shipping time in their reviews. This may influence which site you pick. Domestic sites tend to have faster shipping and don't risk customs seizing your pack--if customs seizes a pack with an illegal substance, you're going to get a letter. That's pretty hard to find an excuse out of, way closer to impossible.

Typical processing times are 2-5 days, but may vary a little, depending on things that may include a lovely little pandemic. Shipping is typically 1-2 weeks for domestic sites, 3-5 weeks for international. Shipping prices tend not to vary much, however, no matter where the warehouse is.

Hiding Changes

This is going to be the tricky part. I've known some people to only go on T for three months or so, as to get some changes to reduce dysphoria, but not have family members notice. If you spend a lot of time around family, the changes are gradual and they might not notice. But keep your own safety in mind above all else. What's the worst that's going to happen if your family confronts you over your changes? How long will you be able to write off your voice as "a cold" before someone wises up? How much longer are you going to be staying with your family?

I'm out to my unsupportive family, so despite being discouraged from any transition of any sort, any and all voice changes I'm writing off as voice training. Facial hair? Minoxidil. More muscle? I've been working out. These may or may not be things you can use, so consider carefully.

Aside from your voice and facial hair, there won't be anything too difficult to hide or write off. Shave your facial hair away as soon as you get up if it develops/needs to be hidden. Consider and compile a list of excuses as to why your voice is changing in case of questions.

Hiding Supplies

This is going to depend a lot on your house and situation. Do you have animals, parents or siblings who invade your spaces and find your hidey holes? A piece of advice I read in an MtF guide to DIY is to hide something you won't get in trouble for where you plan on hiding your hormones, and see if anyone finds it over a few weeks. Repeat until somewhere safe is scouted.

I have small cardboard boxes I keep under my bed, in a cabinet I have in my room, and on my desk. Only bandaids are kept on the box on my desk. But the other places I hide things have an equal distribution of my supplies, so even if someone finds one box, I'll be able to continue HRT.

Try to keep your T much better hidden than other supplies. I'm in an arts-focused degree in college, and a very artistic person, so I've managed to write off needles and syringes as pieces to build a 3D art project for a portfolio. Try to find an excuse to use if your needles are found. Maybe the art thing works for you, maybe not.

Consider taking precautionary measures of removing/covering labels of your T if you're using an injectable kind. You might be able to get away with calling it a prop of some kind, for a TikTok video or something if it's found.

Disposing of Needles/Wrappers/Etc

Alright, so you've done your first shot of T, or applied your first gel packet. Congrats! Now, how to hide the evidence? Firstly, for gels, it won't be too difficult. Just use a plastic grocery bag and fill it with other miscellaneous rubbish and mix the wrappers in with that. Toss the tied bag in your own bin, or a neighbour's bin if that's safer. If that's not possible, do so at school.

Needles are a more tricky circumstance. If you're able to purchase and safely dispose a sharps bin, 100% do that. If you're in a place like me and that's not possible, go and buy some soda with twist-top lids, or get them from friends. Once the bottle is empty, you can toss needles into there. In my experience, 1ml syringes and the small needles used for T injections fit in these 500ml bottles no issue. I throw these sealed bottles in the bin once they're full. I know this isn't proper disposable, but I'm unable to get a sharps bin.

Never throw exposed needles into the bin, or leave them somewhere anyone or anything could possibly be exposed to them.

For T bottles, I've only ever found one site that sells it in containers smaller than 10ml. I'm not sure if the 10ml bottles would fit into the soda bottles or not, so follow the same procedure as disposing of gel wrappers. If that's not possible, use a sharp knife to cut open your soda bottle at the widest part and put the bottle in there, before using a strong adhesive tape (not scotch tape--duct tape or something similar) to seal the incision before disposing of it.

In Conclusion

I've left out a list of the changes T causes, and starting doses, because those are all easy things to find, which you probably know already. Regardless of what this small guide says, please keep your own safety in mind and do as much research as possible before moving forward with DIY, and know that I'm no kind of professional, and all this is based off my tiny bit of experience.

As of the original posting of this, I haven't yet started T. I'm going to start in about two weeks, however, and have gathered everything necessary. I may update this guide further as I take T.

#ftm #trans #ftm minor #t #testosterone #transition #reblog

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