#Keep Away From The Edge

[hoffmansnightmare]

Alright, now that I've had some sleep and time to process I can tell about how I met Costas Mandylor! Pics included!

Things went smoothly for the most part! The con is in my hometown and only a short drive. I was very excited but also super anxious! I'd had the art I'd drawn printed out and planned to buy another print for Costas to sign. Every scenario was running through my head, that'd he'd hug me and I'd make it weird, that he wouldn't hug me and just sign my things and then I'd feel bad I hadn't gotten a hug. Or maybe he'd ask me about the art, which I didn't really want to explain that it was from the fanfic I'm writing.

I tried to run through any responses that didn't make me sound like a total FREAK, or what'd I'd say to him in general. We got there at 2:30 and early entry wasn't until 4:30, but I knew from past experiences that it was best to try to line up as early as possible, so my husband, who was there mostly for moral support, and I went inside and for sure there was a line for registration started. At 3 they started checking us in and giving us our badges. We were pretty close to the front so I was feeling pretty good.

I didn't know how popular Costas was going to be. The last person I waited for was Robert Englund, and I waited 6 and a half hours just for him, and with the new movies bringing in more fans I wasn't sure how long of a wait I was in for and I wanted to be as close to the front as possible. Brad Dourif was also there so I was hoping he would be drawing most of the attention, and he was, but I was still nervous. We waited in another line for the celebs and we were right outside the door so I was feeling pretty confident at this point. C.J. Graham came out a few times to tease some of those waiting in line and to wonder the convention floor. I get the feeling that man has a hard time sitting still.

Then the doors open and half of the celebs weren't there. Now I do not blame them. I get the feeling that the staff of the con had some poor communication. I also met Dina Meyer, and her the staffer that was meant to sit with her wasn't there yet and she had to take money herself. I got her signature while I waited for Costas and she was very nice! Now the wait for Costas really started. I wasn't interested in many of the other celebrities. I did stop by Michael Ironside's booth because I'm a big V fan and Ham Tyler was one of my favorite's. He was behind as well, even when he got there we had to wait for them to get properly set up. Apparently they hadn't even been given his banner to put up. When he asked if I wanted it with my name him and my staffer looked up at with curiously and the staffer said "suspiciousssss"

"N-no! I just don't like my name on these things!" 😅 He probably thought I was going to sell it. I'm not Michael Ironside I swear!

With both Dina's and Michael's signatures a line had started at Costas's booth, so we mozied back over there to wait for him. Occasionally I'd look back at the massive line for Brad Dourif (who also wasn't there yet) and be glad I wasn't in that line. I'd done it for Robert Englund and could now rest in peace.

Around 5:30 someone shouted, "there he is!" And there he was! Just like that! I was suddenly looking at Costas Mandylor in person and he looked so excited to be there. I was third in line and I was really feeling the anxiety now. My fingertips were tingly and I was shaky on my feet. I have trouble asking for help at the grocery store, let alone face one of my favorite actors from some of my favorite movies. He was all smiles and high energy. I watched the woman right in front of me get a hug and he kissed her on both cheeks. Now not only was I worried about a hug, but would he kiss me too? I turned to my husband and said "if he does that you will be carrying my out of here."

My husband replies "nah if you faint he can carry you out of here"

He was kidding, but I wasn't. Hugs are a lot for me and a kiss on the cheek probably would have done me in. (I also had the horrible thought later that would have tried to kiss him on the lips out of instinct. I wouldn't have survived the embarrassment)

It was my turn and I was trying to keep it together, but I was shaking and trying to keep breathing. I'd handed my money to my husband to pay, as I didn't think I could sort through the bills, and then I was facing Costas, setting my art down in front of him.

He smiled up at me. "You drew this?"

"Yes!" I said, excited that he seemed impressed and also dreading any questions about it.

He complimented the art. I can't remember exactly what he said. I was like, in outer space in that moment.

"Do you want me to write anything? Personalize it with your name?" He asked next.

His voice his CRAZY nothing would have prepared me for hearing it in person and directed at me.

"Could you write "Congratulations"? It's a weird thing but that's what I'd like." I never get my name put on these things. I don't like my name that much and no one spells it right. It's not that hard of one but my spelling is apparently unpopular. He looked up at me and I think he was curious. Or maybe he knew I was a freak, but he smirked and wrote it for me anyway.

"Do you want my character name too?"

"Yes please!"

Once he was done he slid the second copy of the art I'd set down in front of him and asked "who do I make this one out to?"

"Oh no, that one is for you."

He looked confused, so I put it closer to him. "I printed this one out to give you."

He said "Oh!" Then looked at it. "You didn't sign it! If you're going to give me art sign it! And say something nice about me too!" And he set the sharpie in front of me.

I could have evaporated right there. I took the sharpie and wrote my signature as well as my full name and tried frantically to think of something quick I could write.

I landed on "You're my favorite Jigsaw" and when I handed it back to him for him to read he looked up at me with the sweetest expression. And I was absolutely honest. He is my favorite Jigsaw. He set it down behind him with a thank you and I set down the print I'd bought from his table.

Again I asked for just his signature. He pulled out a gold sharpie that was a little dry. "I hate dry markers" and he whipped it behind him dramatically as he watched me giggle at his antics. His staffer whipped out an entire case of markers and he picked up a fresh one "they ruin the signatures! Now I'm going to write a line I say in the next movie, I'm not even supposed to tell anyone, but I'll write it for you."

I was giddy and giggling the entire time at this point as I watched him write. I'm sure he's written for others, he's signed so many things for people at this point, but I still felt a little special. And I'm going to edit the pic to keep it to myself still just in case, but the fact that he still wanted to write something a little extra for me was so sweet.

Now it was time for the picture. I was shaking. A staffer volunteered but my husband insisted on taking the pictures. He's protective and wanted to make sure I got good ones. Costas put his arm around me and I put my around around his back and just focused on the camera. Then for the second picture Costas wrapped both arms around me and I was weak in the knees.

After the second picture he squeezed me tight. He said some things. Again I can't remember. Mercifully he didn't kiss me. On one hand of course that would have been amazing, on the other I really don't know if I could have handled it with any grace (or I might have fumbled it and wanted to die). I do remember him saying "you take care of yourself." In the most sincere way I'd ever heard those words spoken. And "I hope you see the new movie."

I said "of course and I can't wait to see you." And stepped back as my husband approached, and because I'm a total awkward weirdo I gestured at him and told Costas "this is my husband."

My husband is a big guy, 6'3" and visibly strong. Costas looks up at him with a big smile and holds his hand out for a shake, which my husband returns. Costas looks at me, still grinning and said "you have a strong husband."

I laughed. "I know"

Our time with him had to come to an end and I had to ESCAPE. The hyperventilating had started and I needed to get out of the crowd. We escaped the celeb room. I put my precious prints in the car and we shifted our focus to food.

The rest of the day was exploring the rest of the con! My time meeting Costas was amazing and I definitely want to see him again in the future. I'm staying home the rest of the con. I could go see him again but honestly I don't like being perceived that much and I don't want him thinking anything weird about me (he probably wouldn't but I'd feel so self conscious.) I'll see him again at a later con, but for now I'm content with meeting him this time.

Below are my signed pictures! I had Dina sign a third copy of my art that I'll probably fill up with other Saw actors. The Michael print has "Hey Gooder" on it teehee!

[mortemcatabasis]

payment art for rickgrimes on TH

[mettywiththenotes]

Future Tomura visiting UA one day (he has a pass with him dw, Izuku invited him for a lesson) and just hanging out in the staff room while Izuku is getting some work together before break ends. He's sat there curled up, shoes on the chair, playing on his nintendo ds

One of the kids from Izuku's class comes in like "Hi sensei I was just wondering wha- IS THAT SHIGARAKI TOMURA, THE NUMBER ONE VILLAIN FROM 8 YEARS AGO???"

Tomura just throws up a peace sign and goes "Hey" while Izuku's like "Well, he's not a villain anymore, but yeah that's him. What were you gonna ask me?"

[good-beans]

this is so stupid but i always have fun imagining the milgram characters watching their own/others mvs and seeing their reactions, especially for MeMe

That’s not stupid at all, thank you so much for the ask!! It’s sooo interesting to think about! I planned on just posting this drabble, but the more I thought about it, the more I started jotting down headcanons for everyone 👀 Of course there’s the initial disbelief and shock that Milgram can really do what it claims, but once they accept that, they’d have a lot of interesting reactions…

Es gets to watch the video first, then the prisoners are free to watch their own in the privacy of the courtroom/extraction room/wherever. Other prisoners can watch them only with explicit permission from the video’s singer. No one is allowed to watch Undercover except for Es. At first they spend hours looking at those final frames of themself flinching from the camera, hoping to jog any sort of memories, but eventually they give up on it. While actually watching it, they don’t mind the murder silhouettes. While sleeping, however, it has triggered more than one nightmare.

Haruka: He thinks Weakness is very pretty – he’s amazed seeing himself on the screen and hearing his voice, knowing he’s not that good of a singer. Even before his innocent verdict, it gives him a huge surge of confidence. Once he gets to know the others better, he gives them mv permissions, then stares intently at their faces to see their reactions as they watch it. AKAA scares him a bit, seeing his own intense emotions on screen, and he only gives Muu permission to see it. When he’s alone, Haruka pauses the shots of his mother, just to stare for a while.

Yuno: Laughs at the symbolism her mind used in Umbilical. She’s never shied away from sexual words/thoughts, so it's funny the video was as tame as it was. She thinks the song is fun, and isn’t afraid to show the others and sing snippets of it around the prison. Some days it’s too emotional for her to get into it, but most of the time she tries to display a confident attitude about it. After Tear Drop, she’s satisfied with her anger and more overtly sexual images. If anything, she feels too exposed by the shots of herself looking more vulnerable/sad. 

Fuuta: He experiences a solid mix of embarrassment at the gaming theme in Bring it On and feeling a surge of pride that he looks badass in the knight’s armor. He’s worried the warden won’t take him seriously with the video game obsession, but he absolutely loves the song and thinks it portrays his toughness and ideals well. He’s less thrilled with Backdraft, everything about it unsettles and embarasses him. He’s thrown by the shot of crossing out his own silhouette – he’d had self-harming thoughts, but wasn’t quite ready to confront them so blatantly yet. Like Haruka, he can be caught pausing the arcade shot just for a moment before turning the whole thing off and storming away.

Muu: She has mixed emotions towards After Pain. She hates seeing herself look so weak and pathetic, but it gives her a lot of hope that her story will be understood. She misses her friends, and seeing them again is bittersweet. She closes her eyes at the moment of the stabbing – she’s only gotten the courage to watch it through her fingers once. She watches INMF once, then refuses to look at it again from shame/horror. Despite Haruka’s begging, she doesn’t let him watch it, either. 

Shidou: He asks Es what they saw in Throw Down. Upon finding out his family wasn’t in it, he chooses not to watch it. He believes he already knows all about his emotions and crime, so there’s no need to go through that pain again. He’s tempted to watch it when he’s confused about Es’ verdict, but still holds off. He does watch Triage when informed his family is in it. He spends hours in front of the screen by himself. Only after seeing that one does he watch Throw Down, though he’s still left confused about Es’ decisions.

Mahiru: Absolutely loves TIHTBILWY. She thinks it perfectly describes her situation, and that the song is very cute. She lets others watch it, and unlike Yuno, feels like singing it 24/7. It reminds her of her bf, and she thinks that’s very romantic. Similar to Shidou, she spends a lot of time watching I Love You just to look at her boyfriend. She shows it to everyone, just to show him off and talk about him, even if she does skip over the beginning and end each time.

Kazui: He is very similar to Shidou; he refuses to watch his videos until T2, assuming it would be too painful to watch something he already knows and wishes to avoid. Unlike Shidou, seeing Hinako is far too painful, and he regrets watching it and seeing her so happy on their wedding day. Though maybe he’s still waiting, and hasn’t seen any of the videos yet…

Amane: Magic makes her worry more than anything. She fears she’s poisoned by unnecessary vainness since so much of her video involves cute things, colors, outfits, animals, and is set up like a tv show. She’s also worried that Es and the others will really see her as a child because of how cute the whole thing is. She prevents herself from watching it too many times, but buried under all her fears, it gives her a surge of pride seeing herself so talented and pretty and the star of the show. Purge March only reaffirms her confidence in her crime – the video brings up some awful memories, but it shows her as a leader, a warrior, a hero! It brings her comfort and confidence more than anything.

Mikoto/John: The videos are distressing to both of them, and they spend all their time studying the others’ screentime. Mikoto watches in horror as John does things that line up with his spotty memories, and John panics seeing that his actions distress Mikoto more than they’ve reassured/saved him. John does end up watching his own scenes a few times – it feels incredibly good to appear in a way that Mikoto may finally notice him. He feels seen. Now, logically I think that MeMe would be the final tipping point in which Mikoto finally accepts the situation and his DID, but if I must stick to his canon denial, then I’d say he goes on a whole rant about movie magic andt the crazy things you can do with editing nowadays. He doesn’t have a good explanation on how Milgram found his home and knew so much about him, but he explains everything away as cgi or camera effects. Double manages to sway him a bit more, as he hears John speak so plainly to him. Just as the audience had some debate on who was apologizing at the end of Double, Mikoto and John wonder who is apologizing to whom. Though they both come to the conclusion it’s their own apology, they decide that if it was the others’, they’d accept it and forgive them.

Kotoko: She’s very pleased with Harrow, and is unashamed to show it to the others. Though she’d been able to watch a few of the previous prisoners’ videos, it still shakes her a bit when she realizes that Milgram really does have the tech to look deep inside her. She watches it just a few times – not obsessing over it, but not afraid either. Deep Cover, however, is a once-and-done sort of deal. She claims she’s not letting the others watch it because “they couldn’t handle such harsh but true criticisms about themselves,” but she doesn’t end up watching it anymore herself, either.

[fisheito]

My favourite fantasy lately is Kuya kidnapping Eiden and bringing him to a house in the woods to punish him for endangering himself during some adventure. Kuya keeps Eiden in bondage and constantly on edge, teasing and denying him. And Eiden just takes it without asking to be let out, allowing Kuya to vent his fear and frustration, because he's nice like that.

But, at some point, even the strongest little soldiers break, and just when Eiden is about to shatter from all the stress and Kuya's oppressive anxiety, Quincy comes for the rescue. He's the only one who managed to find that little wooden shack in the middle of nowhere (you know, because Kuya's allowed him to), and he comes in and persuades Kuya to relent.

Kuya hasn't even given Eiden any dick in all the (three? four?) days they've been at it, so serious he was about the discipline aspect!

Eiden cries when Kuya finally fucks him, and Quincy makes him spill

this just reminds me of Billowing Wildfire Kuya R2 where eiden saID sO HImself

i would not be surprised if kuya went full speed into an evil edging hostage situation because he doesn't know how to process eiden's mortality

[arrowsperpetualcringe]

Does Dave Torres count as an ego?

Chat, should I go back to my roots and post ego art?

Ego art on main???

[apostacism]

maybe i should make an aeducan... it's the only way i can ever see myself restoring the anvil of the void

[flygonscales]

2 weeks at uni and I’ve already reached peak procrastination. I found masking tape and somehow decided that the best use of my time was to make a tiny Belphemon-sleep.

[golvio]

Sometimes I wonder if I write Ghirahim too butch or if the fandom is just completely wrong about him.

[iniziare]

Tag drop: Jingliu

[hoffmansnightmare]

The blood is probably going to be the death of me

[fist-amidst-the-hands]

hear me out, i havent stopped thinking about heartbroken ed's crew's new uniform vibes

izzy 'I'm not smearing that stuff on my face' hands vs ed 'it's not optional' teach: fight

outcome: izzy carefully applying precise eyeliner each morning using little more than the dim light of sunrise and one of the fancy trays stede left behind

[urwendii]

If I write the istar!Mairon thing I might self indulge so much bc the possibilities of uncorrupted Mairon are SO GOOD (pun intended)

[jarognieva]

It seems October is going to be the hardest month I ever had in this job... I know myself and I know that the hours I've got are going to fucking kill me. Instead of enjoying the best month of year - October, I will be only working and sleeping

I have no idea what kind of new job I should looking for. Because it turned out I can't work in loud places, I can't work in the places where it's a lot of people, I can't work in customer service because I'm not only anxious but also my brain process any information too slow and it tooks me too long to guess what in fact do they want from me. It seems there's no job for people like me ;/

[jus-de-poire]

chase me

dear god, hunt me down.

let your fangs sink in.

i won't wince.

i'd be lying if i said i didn't like the pain.

it grounds me.

it seems like the only thing that tethers me to this vessel anymore:

the hurt.

i yearn to be devoured, i think.

to be dragged back to a lair,

limp,

eyed with hunger and desire.

devour me, please?

i long to feel something other than this hole within.

hurt me so i can know something else;

i'll be the tiger's chew toy.

[urbs-in-horto]

Relaxing on the balcony at Marina City, via The Modernist Collection