#Just Platonic Coworker Things™

[uncriticalbunny]

The Hug is still such a funny moment to me. especially looking at it purely from sydney's perspective. like yeah of course they hug like that, it's a joyous occasion after all. a quick moment, inconsequential and appropriate for the merry situation. she's overcome with joy, no biggie. but. the show repeatedly establishes that sydney isn't allll that comfortable with physical touch/tender moments. she's discomforted by tina's sudden hug in 2.01 and doesn't hug her back even after the initial surprise wears off. her acceptance of nat's hug in 2.09 is sheepish and she shies away from nat's praise. she doesn't initiate a hug with marcus after his return from copenhagen and says she's not doing a corny back and forth with compliments.

with carmy though? she basically does the complete opposite. we're shown sydney is less uneasy with him about those things even with all the walls she puts up. carmy is the first person she immediately hugs after the fire suppression test. the only other person we see her hug afterwards is fak. and it's a resigned acceptance of fak's hug as she gives him chummy let's-end-this-quick pats on the back [also done with a former coworker during her palate cleanser]. yet with carmy, she just unthinkingly went for it. and not just any hug; a euphoric full-body [bear] hug. cheek to cheek. warm body pressed against warm body. breathing in his hair, skin, clothes. someone who's been disappointing and pissing her off all season. someone who isn't her blood relative or lover or even truly a friend. no awkwardness or reluctance. no chummy pats. yes it's a quick moment in the wake of a huge win. but she doesn't immediately hug anyone in the wake of another huge win—averting a complete disaster during the soft open. and like, The Hug is just a totally Regular thing to sydney [and carmy]. just like how her relationship with carmy is Normal and tension-filled and frustrating and combative and vulnerable and tender in a way unlike any other relationship she has with other characters.

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

hey so i’m new to the community fandom and i really love trobed. i was wondering what was your trobed centric episode masterlist like? or if it’s possible, is there a way to send me the post? sorry i’m new to tumblr so i’m still learning how this app works. if you see this, thanks :)

hi, welcome! I've found that community tumblr is probably my favorite fandom space I've ever been involved in, and I hope you've had a good experience so far. I totally get the New App Learning Curve thing, I'm historically very shit at learning how to use new apps, even though I'm "young" (20), but I eventually got it and you will too, Trust 👍👍👍

anyway, Yes one of the first things I did on here after joining was make a trobed-centric episode masterlist for someone who was asking lmfao. since it was one of the First things I did there's some formatting and other things I'd do differently now, and I've actually been looking for an excuse to go ahead and get that done, so. here we go.

the trobed-centric episode masterlist (revamped)

1x05: advanced criminal law

plot B

abed takes the "friends mess with each other" rule too far; he creates a whole fake language and spends a lot of money on trying to convince troy that he is an alien

"from now on, abed, friends don't mess with each other"

(this is the first time they do their signature handshake)

1/5 gayness, pretty platonic

1x10: environmental science

plot B

it's the "somewhere out there" episode what more do I need to say

3/5 gayness, something's happening fs

1x11: the politics of human sexuality

plot C

abed keeps beating troy in athletic competitions, making troy feel threatened. he eventually admits that abed is the better athlete and they make up

2/5 gayness, pretty platonic but it has its moments

1x22: the art of discourse

plot C

troy and abed work to complete abed's list of quintessential freshman year of college experiences list

2/5 gayness, they repeatedly put completing the list above looking cool in front of women

1x25: pascal's triangle revisited

plot C

troy is moving out of his dad's house and wants to move in with abed, but abed says no because he's afraid being that close and spending that much time together will result in constant annoyance, and will destroy their friendship

troy realizes that "too much of a good thing can be bad" and instead agrees to move in with pierce

1/5 gayness

2x02: accounting for lawyers

part of plot A

jeff gets sucked back into his old life as he reconnects with alan, a coworker from his old law firm. troy, abed, and annie try to gather proof that jeff's friend is the one who got him fired in the first place

more trobedison centric, and is actually the first episode where the three of them are established as a Trio™

"all I heard was suck" "YOU CHLOROFORMED THE JANITOR" "I usually have one foot out of reality and even I'm freaking out right now"

1/5 gayness, pretty platonic. they're the sillies ever I love trobedison

2x06: epidemiology

part of plot A

it's the zombie episode, come ON

trobed have coordinating costumes but troy bails during the party because he doesn't want to look lame and nerdy in front of women, which hurts abed's feelings

abed sacrifices himself to save troy once they are the last two standing during the "rabies pathogen" breakout

"I love you" "I know" (oh my GODDD sedate me)

5/5 gayness. you get it.

2x09: conspiracy theories and interior design

plot B

the original blanket fort 💯💯💯

2/5 gayness, just guys bein silly (and in love???)

2x15: early 21st century romanticism

plot B

troy and abed fall for the same girl and decide to take her to the valentine's dance together, after which she can decide which one of them she wants to date

she picks troy, but troy gets upset that she didn't pick abed (because why wouldn't she pick abed, he's so cool) and breaks it off almost immediately

I"happy valentine's day" "it is now"

5/5 gayness jesus christ this one is INSANE

2x18: custody law and eastern european diplomacy

plot B

britta likes troy and abed's new friend, lukka, who she finds out is a literal war criminal. she keeps this information from troy and abed because she doesn't want to ruin their friendship with him, but they find out eventually

2/5 gayness they're attached at the hip in this one

2x19: critical film studies

random moments

this episode is more focused on jeff and abed, but there's a lot of classic Troy Gets Jealous™ moments so I decided to include it. plus the end tag is them randomly having dinner together at the fancy restaurant (a date 😔)

basically troy is afraid that jeff is a cooler friend to abed than him

3/5 gayness even though they barely interact, troy is so silly

2x20: competitive wine tasting

part of plot B

I almost didn't include this one, and it's not even on my original list, but whatever

troy pretends to be traumatized, originally to seem less shallow in his acting class, but he keeps it going in order to attract britta. he tells abed about it and abed Does Not Like That At All

"troy. nothing good can come of this"

I wouldn't call abed being jealous a Rare Occurrence but he generally conceals it way better than troy does

2/5 gayness, could be interpreted as abed just worried about relationships forming under false pretense, but to Me he's jealous

2x22: applied anthropology and culinary arts

plot C

pierce buys the rights to troy and abed's handshake (a la Indecent Proposal) which "corrupts" it

"pierce tainted our special handshake with his blood money and now we can't get the magic baaaack :((((("

eventually they do indeed get the magic back

3/5 gayness idk there's something about the way they interact in this one that is inexplicably gay to me lmao

3x01: biology 101

plot C plus random moments

"speaking of figuring things out, me and abed have an announcement" "..." "troy and I are living together :D"

cougartown gets moved to midseason, then cougarton abbey ends after 6 episodes, abed's routine keeps getting thrown off, and troy is just extremely supportive and protective throughout

4/5 gayness troy loves him a lot!!!!!!

3x03: remedial chaos theory

random moments

(I know this ep is listed as 3x04 on streaming services but in canon it takes place here and on the dvds it's listed as 3x03. there's a joke about it in the episode too if you didn't know. anyway)

"troy and abed's new apartment!!!" "bienvenido a la casa chez trobed!" "wanna stay up all night talking in our bunk beds?"

all their pictures on the wall and their matching suits lol

the end tag "evil troy and evil abed" & troy's soft "what's wrong :("

3/5 gayness they're lowkey married your honor

3x05: horror fiction in seven spooky steps

random moments

troy's whole story he tells where they Literally become attached at the hip

"my partner"

troy dancing while abed's humming daybreak

2/5 gayness

3x06: advanced gay

plot B

troy deciding whether he wants to do plumbing or air conditioning and deciding all he really wants to do is watch tv with abed

gay symbolism? gay symbolism? gay symbolism?

4/5 gayness mostly for the conversation at the hawthorne wipes gathering. I could write an essay on just that

3x07: studies in modern movement

plot A

annie moves in with troy and abed. very trobedison centric

"kiss me woodsman troy!"

3/5 gayness once again casually in love they're soulmates your honor

3x09: foosball and nocturnal vigilantism

plot B

annie breaks abed's $200 special edition dark knight dvd set on accident, trobedison shenanigans ensue yippee!!!

"awww is that the grappling hook I got you for christmas???"

3/5 gayness for the same reasons as before

3x10: regional holiday music

part of plot A

literally putting this on here just because of the christmas infiltration rap (and baby boomer santa)

3/5 gayness it's glee club what can you do

3x11: contemporary impressionists

plot A

(once again, I know this episode is listed as 3x12 on streaming services, but in canon it's supposed to chronologically be here, and is listed as 3x11 on the dvds)

the study group helps abed pay off his debts to a celebrity impersonator website by playing characters at a bar mitzvah (after troy scolds them for trying to ground abed in reality)

they have an argument at the end ugh

3/5 gayness troy loves abed a lot and abed doesn't realize that he's doing something wrong

3x12: urban matrimony and the sandwich arts

plot C

(see the above disclaimer about episode order)

troy and abed decide to be normal for shirley's wedding rehearsal

troy and abed being normal 🤝

4/5 gayness they blow off a girl to be weird again

3x13: digital exploration of interior design

plot C

blanket fort: redux (oh god)

vice dean laybourne escalates what started as a minor disagreement in order to drive a wedge between troy and abed. it works

5/5 gayness, if a sitcom doesn't have the two codependent fanonical gays go through an unnecessarily dramatic "break up" then I don’t want it

3x14: pillows and blankets

plot A

🎶troy and abed are in conflict🎶 *cries*

pillow fort vs. blanket fort

they eventually make up but not before they hurt each others' feelings a Lot

5/5 gayness the dramatics jesus christ

3x16: virtual systems analysis

random moments

so this episode is more focused on abed and annie, and troy and abed actually don't Technically interact with each other very much at all, but. you know

abed kinda freaks out when troy and britta go on a date because it "messes with the fabric of the group" (🤨 I know what you are)

troy calls annie to "check on abed" boy you are on a date with a woman

4/5 gayness just from subtext you get it

3x17: basic lupine urology

random moments

troy and abed play detective as they try to figure out who sabotaged the group's biology project

"we can't both do the zinger"

4/5 gayness no explanation

3x19: curriculum unavailable

random moments

the study group is expelled from greendale and abed gets arrested for spying on campus, so he's supposed to have a psychological evaluation

troy is just very protective of him in this episode, plus the flashback clip where he and Annie are comforting him as he's freaking out about daylight savings

"our adventures are VERY manly"

4/5 gayness

3x21: the first chang dynasty

random moments

oof baboof with you two! (all the plumber shenanigans are hilarious)

mostly putting this one on here for the goodbye scene at the end of the episode, though. god

"he said, 'I know you hate when people do this in movies.' sorry I got emotional"

3x22: introduction to finality

plot B

abed "goes crazy" without troy (who's off at a/c repair school)

when troy comes back he prioritizes abed over britta (who he supposedly has romantic feelings for)

"I miss abed so much" "you're afraid you'll go crazy without troy"

4/5 gayness one could say they're a little codependent

4x03: conventions of space and time

plot A

troy gets jealous of (read: goes "psycho girlfriend on") abed's new inspector spacetime superfan friend toby

britta, even as troy's literal girlfriend, calls abed troy's boyfriend and supports troy through the whole thing

"for the first time in my long history of being locked inside things, I knew someone would come" let me just put my head through my wall really quick

5/5 gayness even though troy has a whole gf. that's how gay this episode is

4x11: basic human anatomy

plot A

troy and abed pretend to switch bodies, like in freaky friday, in order to help troy process his feelings about his relationship with britta

5/5 gayness holy SHIT y'all. I could write thousands of words on this episode. it is so hard to justify troy's actions in this one without reading him as a closeted gay person not lying

5x03: basic intergluteal numismatics

random moments

including this one because of how abed comforts troy and pushes him around in a wheelchair for the entire episode

3/5 gayness it's the casual married-ness again smh

5x04: cooperative polygraphy

random moments

this is another one I didn't include on my original list but I decided fuck it

the bit uncovering the actual origin of their patented handshake is so funny "I can't even look at you right now" "then you should know I'm crying"

also just the. look on abed's face when troy agrees to go on the trip at the end. "cool. cool cool cool." "that's a lie" UGHHHHH

4/5 gayness again. so typical

5x05: geothermal escapism

plot A

do I need to say a word

ouch ouch ouch OUCH

5/5 gayness especially the deleted dialogue from the last scene (I've posted it before but lmk if you don't know what I'm talking about. disclaimer it makes me want to launch myself off the empire state building)

alright. there it is folks. I was going to make another subsection of other random iconic trobed moments and cite the episodes they're from but basically every single episode has at least one, so that list would be Way too long to qualify as a supplement to this one lmao. however! if you have a Trobed Moment™ stuck in your head (or any Moment for that matter) and you can't remember which episode it's from feel free to ask me, I'm confident that my internal community database will be able to Remind You. anyway. hope this was helpful. bye

[mamamittens]

Spooktober 2024 Event!

Running from 9/22/2024 to 9/30/2024 is my Spooktober Event!

A Halloween Party!

Which if you've been on the lookout, you'll have been given a spoiler for very recently!

It’ll be a lot like my Shake Date Event, actually.

Here’s how it’s going to work!

You, or if I’ve done it for you before, an OC, are going to a Halloween party! And you’ve been given a ride with a character (or two!). Maybe you dressed up, or maybe they did, but you find that there’s a candy bucket (or something close) waiting for you in the car. A little treat for coming out with them—how sweet!

This means I will only write your OC if I have done so before!

(Those of you who have already sent in an ask with new OCs, I'll get to you if I haven't already. New OC asks from this point on will be deleted. Handling someone's baby for the first time in a mass event is stressful).

You are to send me an ask in my ask box who was dressed up (they’ll be the ‘monster’ they’re dressed as), what candy bucket you’ve got, and what was in it! As for personal descriptions, you’re to tell me what you want me to know! I don’t know what you look like, after all. So let me know if you prefer a particular style of dress, your basic details, and something you want to have attention drawn to. Whether that’s your serious personality, or freckles! This is easier for OCs, as I’ll already have a frame of reference.

When doing the candy, feel free to have it be ‘given’ to someone specific if you want them to have that in particular. It’s nice to share, after all!

If you’re +18, you can drink at the party with your partner. Keep in mind the ‘costumes’ when asking for shots and who’s ordering them!

Costume – Monster

Vampire

Werewolf

Ghost

Demon

Serial killer

Undead

Scarecrows

Reaper

Boogeyman

Witch/Wizard

Naga (Snake person)

Drider (Spider person)

Mermaid

Angel

Alien (Specify the type if you’d like, whether that’s ‘The Thing’ or otherwise. If not, it’s dealer’s choice.)

Evil scientist

Hitman

Siren

Cult

Priest

Fae

Relationship – Chocolate Bars

Milk Chocolate - Meet cute

Cherry Chocolate - Rivals->lovers

White Chocolate – Friends ->lovers

Dark Chocolate - Predator/prey

Caramel Chocolate - Coworkers

Mint chocolate chip - Strangers

Kisses - Fling

Pop rock chocolate - Childhood friends

Chocolate covered nuts - One sided crush

Chocolate Orange -Yandere

Raspberry Chocolate – Platonic (For non-romance/sex)

Setting – Candy holder

Wooden Basket - Cabin in the woods

Leftover Bucket - Abandoned building (context may change exact type)

Recycled Milk Jug - ‘Normal town’

Prop Bucket - Dreamscape

Fuzzy Bucket - Home alone

Paper Bag - Countryside

Pumpkin Bucket - Actual normal town, urban fantasy/supernatural -esque setting

Plastic Bag – Workplace

Metal Bucket – Space

Striped bucket – Abandoned/Isolated lighthouse

Woven bucket – The Woods, such as a national park.

Salt treated wood bucket- The Ocean/On a Ship

Additional tropes

Smarties - Final Girl/Boy

Gummy Pack - Cursed artifact

Jolly Rancher - Stormy Night

Sour Patch - Summoning Evil

Tootsie Roll - Sacrificial offer

Ring Pop - Arranged Marriage

Fun Dip - Cosmic horror

Swedish Fish - Secretly the Monster/double life

Air Heads - Forbidden romance

Nerds - The Prophecy™

Twizzlers - Soul Mates

Blow Pop – Injury

Chewing gum – Hypnosis

Toffee – Urban exploration

Taffy – Reincarnated soul

Malts – Mysterious neighbor

Fireball – Stalker

Cotton Candy – Life debt

NSFW options below

BE WARNED: If you don’t have your age (at least a +18, I don’t need exact age, down to minute) in your bio or somewhere easily visible on your blog, I will just delete your ask. You must also have your character of choice (or characters) be +18 for this option.

I also will not be breaking any previous boundaries in concern towards the smut. So rest assured, there will be no coprophilia, water play, whatever fancy word for vomit there is, tickle play, age play, real people fiction, non con, or underage relationships. Requests to the contrary will, at best, be politely ignored.

This is not up for debate.

Smut

Black Rose - Breeding Kink

Butterball - Knotting

Cement Mixer – Pregnancy

Big Bang - Eggs

White Russian – Creampie/Cum play

Hot Damn – Praise kink

Mind Eraser – Degradation

Afterburner – Choking/breathplay

Jell-o shot – Edging

Pineapple Upside Down Cake – Oral

Alice in Wonderland – Size Kink

Motor Oil – Marking

Kamikaze – Temperature play (Served hot or cold for temp preferences)

Jager Bomb – Rough Sex (Extra strong is hate sex)

Green Tea shot – Soft Sex

Pink Schnapps – Dom/Sub (The person receiving this shot will be designated the ‘Sub’)

Black Jack – Restraints

Brain Hemorrhage - Overstimulation

Gladiator – Public Sex

Sangrita – Blood play

Apocalypse Now – Medical play (functions as the BD/SM shot)

B-52 – Toys/Objects (Also functions as the BD/SM shot, exact details contingent on other selections)

Jellybean – Anal (functions as the BD/SM shot, if the ‘giver’ is a human AFAB, a toy or strap is assumed. Ask for ‘Mini Jellybean’ for anal play but not full anal. Regarding AMAB characters, anal may be assumed regardless of this shot not being ordered)

I know there’s a word limit for an ask, so feel free to be a bit dry if you have to. If I REALLY have to, I can always ask for clarification through DMs, but I’d like to avoid it if possible. To that end, have your dms open so that I can actually ask. If I can’t get clarification and the ask is impossible to complete without it, I may just delete it.

Driest example possible:

“I, X (AFAB, Masc), go with Shanks (Vampire). I prefer casual dress, I have short blond hair, I’m a professional athlete (weights) but a bit chubby for off season, tan, and dark eyes. There’s a paper bag with Chocolate nuts that I give to him, with Jolly ranchers, sour patch, and tootsie rolls. He drinks a sangrita and we share Jager bomb, gladiator, brain hemmorrage, and cement mixers.”

It doesn’t have to be super detailed if you prefer to be straight forward to keep it within the word count. And it could also be very detailed if you’d like to play with it a little! As long as it’s clear, I don’t mind at all!

In relation to characters dramatically taller than what is realistic, I may tweak their height to something less… daunting without having to be asked. So, someone like Katakuri from One Piece may not be 16+ feet in a normal, ‘mostly human’ setting.

Other than that, I look forward to seeing what ya’ll come up with and hope it makes for a spooky good fun time for everyone!

[luvdive]

✧･ﾟ*✧･ﾟ* wanted connections *･ﾟ✧*･ﾟ✧

some of these are romantic, some are platonic, some could go either way. if you’re interested in any of them, give this post a little like & i’ll come ask you about it!! the ones with a little ✨ next to them are the ones i’m most interested in!!

woo wonjae ✨

i don’t have as much to write for this one lmao. from the age of 16 to 22, wonjae was an illegal underground fighter who people only ever knew as 'boy' because he wouldn't tell anyone his name. he's a loved up househusband now but i want to do more stuff from when he was a street fighter !!!

woo nawon

again now much to say on this one lmao she's interning at her dad's entertainment company i just want her to have industry friends

kim chaerim

hi can i get a boyfriend for chaerim that’s just as directionless as she is?? bonus points if he’s a musician like her & they can just have cliché jam sessions together. alternate plot, because she’s a stubborn Indie Chick™ can i get a bf for her that’s the ceo of an entertainment company or something?? someone that’s linked to the music industry but in a way that she wouldn’t jump at the chance to get a record deal u know??

jung seri ✨

seri is a full time nanny stuck in a relationship with a man that doesn't appreciate her. pspsps a single dad who needs a nanny? cue them flirting with each other (intentionally or unintentionally) until seri realises actually maybe he treats her better than her bf does

sasha shepard

mass effect. mass effect!! mass effect!!! mass effect canons, mass effect ocs, other shepards, aliens with no affiliation to the mass effect universe i don’t fucking care i just love mass effect & i want to do things with sasha already

yi wonju

tw death wonju is a pansori singer first and a witch second!! her husband was her gosu but he died </3 and now she's in need of a new one. must be okay with killing people but living forever as a result xoxo

sadie hwang

tw death lowkey based on you've reached sam & some story i saw on r/nosleep once. sadie's boyfriend died in a car accident & now every friday he calls her and she tries to save him. maybe your muse is one of her friends and is worried about her, maybe they're a new love interest, maybe if we plot it out really well they're her dead boyfriend???

kim eunji

get eunji a boyfriend 2k24 that's all

nam sangchul ✨

tw super junior fc sangchul’s former members!! tl;dr sangchul was the maknae of a boy group called attention when he was 18 until he got into a car accident & after a year of being unhappy he decided to leave the group. it’s been sixteen years & he’s managed to find something that works for him but!!! please god imagine threads w/ him & the rest of attention!! we can decide how successful they were or weren’t, whether they’re still together now or whether they disbanded, all that fun stuff

bong sungmin

ahem celebrity friends with benefits plot?? except maybe your muse catches feelings & sungmin doesn’t know how to deal with that because maybe he’s catching feelings too & trying to pretend he isn’t 🤧

shin raewon pt.1

i’m just a big old sucker for regular customer plots so like?? a girl ( or maybe a guy u know, try and catch him off guard ) that’s been coming to the cafe since it opened & knows all the staff and is just super nice & non-creepy and yeah that’s all i got man

shin raewon pt.2

raewon works at a yaoi cafe and i want coworkers for him that’s it that’s the connection. give him work pals to hang out with away from the cafe, work pals to bitch about weird customers with & gossip about customers they think are Hot™ ( except don’t let his gf find out about that bit lmao ) 

park seunghyun ✨

if you’ve seen cherry magic that’s a bonus but the tl;dr is u get magic powers if ur still a virgin by the time u turn 30. enter seunghyun, our 30 year old virgin. once again the opportunities are plentiful. nosy colleagues, overbearing family members, someone to deflower him, take your pick

aloïs fournier ✨

god how does anyone not know what’s coming for this one i have posted about it 9000 times ever since this stupid cb was announced. A SET OF CONNECTED TBZ MUSES BASED ON THE CONCEPT FOR THE STEALER BUT INSTEAD OF THIS STEALING HEARTS PUSSY SHIT THEY’RE JUST REGULAR CAREER CRIMINALS!!! aloïs is ur resident diamond thief & he’s ready 2 be in a criminal gang

bae seolwoo

tw super junior fc he's divorced! he's a high functioning alcoholic! he's a deadbeat dad! he's the perfect candidate for a university student with terrible taste in men! to talk in fanfic/booktok terms, a sappy grumpy/sunshine cliche. it doesn't have to be a university student (he's a lecturer, that's bad!) but no one in their 30s is going to tolerate him if we're being honest

kwon sanggyun ✨

sanggyun hunts monsters with his besties but only because his main bestie is super hot & sanggyun's in love with him. except seungmin (the bff) has a boyfriend or whatever ugh. what if a cunning shapeshifter pretended to be seungmin & sanggyun was none the wiser???

[tabl3]

Some things™ about the rewrite

Chase and Taylor made a pact to get their little brothers set up

Leo doodled a bunch of L + L shit on his notes (he's so cringe I love him)

Blue Tornado has wings

Solar Flare is selective mute. when she wants to communicate, it's normally by sign language (which work bc her wife is deaf) Gamma Girl wasn't born deaf, but became so due to explosions from her powers.

Techertz think they're hiding their relationship Perfectly

The team always steals Kaz's clothes bc they're big and comfy

Alan is semi-immortal like Horace. he's Skylar's age in the sense that they're both about 40 earth years old

Kaz often has to go down to Mission Command to bring Chase to bed

Skylar and Bree wind up in the kitchen at 3am a lot, either chatting, trying to cook, or dancing to One Direction (it's iconic for them in my rewrite)

Horace is legitimately afraid of Tasha. He works fine enough with Douglas, approves of Bree for his daughter, thinks Chase is the most impolite person to exist, and greatly fears Adam and Leo in his hospital bc they break everything lol

Bree's (non-related) best friend is Taylor

Chase's is Skylar

Kaz, Oliver, and Skylar are each others' obv (plus Gus and Jordan (Kaz and Oliver are the closest ofc))

Leo's are Kaz and Taylor

Tasha and Douglas are each others'

Adam's are his siblings lol (esp Naomi)

Chase feels for Oliver what he does for Leo, making them have an older/younger brother vibe now that they've reconciled

Skylar keeps forgetting Chase is older than her lmao

I aged the SuperParents™ up bc the Flames needed a bigger gap from Oliver

Snowstorm is the youngest hero, age 28. Blue Tornado is 31, Solar Flare 32, Gamma Girl 34, Megahertz 40, Tecton 43, and Horace biologically 47

Naomi plays with the (non-powered) action figures of her siblings, often showing Douglas and Tasha the epic battles (which they love)

How their dysfunctional ass family dynamic w AJ works: Chase: overbearing helicopter mom, Kaz: irresponsible (let's drive this car as fast as we can while dropping mentos in coke) dad, Bree: wine aunt, Skylar: beer aunt, Oliver: uncle that crashes on the couch and tells him to do his worst impulses for his entertainment

Douglas and Tasha are completely platonic, just co-parents and support for each other

Blue Tornado split with his fiance, also amicably co-parenting his young son. He doesn't talk very much bc he's naturally shy, and mostly just enjoys being in his coworkers' company in silence

(he has a crush on Snowstorm)

[princess-of-the-corner]

BNHA olor:

How does like, the family you grew up with relate to being in a pack? Who all would be in that pack? Any particular examples from BNHA? When is it generally expected for kids to move out and find their own packs?

Just as an example, I imagine the Iidas are very close and probably pack bonded, but maybe not all of the Todorokis. How does that affect their kids differently? Or like, I'd imagine at least some of the UA teachers are pack bonded, but don't lived together because they have unrelated shit happening at home, so they just have to cope with being close to their coworker pack members while at work.

Okay so!

A 'pack' is the group of people you're very close to. People that you'd feel 100% comfortable sharing a Den with unprompted.

And like any relationship this can be Complicated™.

Your bio family is typically your first Pack. Children sharing a Den with their parents and having their parents' scent on them all the time.

Adding new members happens differently throughout life. Like a kindergartener will be openly making new friends and having little concept of boundries, so they'll make Packmates quickly. But these are also bonds that don't often last due to it being fleeting childhood stuff.

mid-to-late teens is when people often start finding more long-term packmates. And again, like any relationship, it can have its ups and downs and breakups.

Breakups(romantic or platonic) are bad considering the scent stuff. People will end up scrubbing the Den clean and re-scenting everything.

Now you do get more complicated situations in families that are toxic and or abusive. Much like any fucked up situation, these can be at odds with one another. Seeing someone both as a problem but also as 'pack'. Or straight up not seeing them as 'pack' whatsoever!

The Todorokis in specific are a weird inbetween and somewhat one-sided in a way? But it also changed over time.

So like. When things were first starting out, everyone's in the Den. As the family starts to fall apart, different members spend more time in their Nests rather than the Den.

By the time of Canon, Fuyumi is the only one who stays in the Den most nights. Toya's 'dead', Rei is in the hospital. Natsuo has moved out. Enji and Shoto trade off nights in the Den at times, but never together because if Enji is in the Den then Shoto leaves.

But you also have interesting factors in like. Obviously Enji still considers all his kids part of the pack. But it's weird that /Natsuo/ still considers them part of the same pack, he's just vying for a change in hierarchy. Even weirder is Toya/Dabi, who you'd /think/ would have cut off Enji as a packmate, but still finds his scent comforting and safe.

[disastardly]

Fic Authors - Self Rec!

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love!

Tagged by @hairstevington, thank you!!

Descent into the Depths of the Earth (or at Least Milwaukee): (Stranger Things, pre-Steddie) This is my baby, by far. It started off as a little idea - "haha what if Eddie and Steve took the Party to GenCon?" - and spun off into a whole Thing™. It's equal parts silly slice of life and blossoming Steddie, with the most devious cliffhanger ending I think I've ever done. >:)

To Find a King: (Stranger Things, Steddie) ...which leads us into the sequel to Descent! Centered around Steve and Eddie's respective breakdowns after Descent's ending, with generous portions of platonic Stobin, queer solidarity, and cameos from basically the entire core cast at this point. So much more indulgent and I'm still iffy on the smut (it's necessary, I just don't think I'm great at writing smut), but I love it with my whole heart.

Sunrise Serenade: (Psych, Shassie) As you can tell, I'm a bit of a sucker for a "so what is this?" conversation, and this follow-up to my "sort of getting together" fic In the Mood is chock full of it. Navigating the treacherous waters of dancing and sleeping (just sleeping) with your very attractive, very annoying sort-of-coworker and the morning-after talk over inexplicable waffles - anxiety and sweetness all bundled up together.

Magical Mysteries Never Give a Single Thing Back: (Stranger Things, Eddie Munson) The only active WIP on this list - the idea was rumbling around in my head for ages, and I finally banged out part 1 in a WIP Wednesday-inspired fugue state. I'm a sucker for adding magical elements to a more 'normal' or sci-fi world, and this really tickled the not-so-former Supernatural girlie in my heart. Part 2 coming soon!

My Bloody Valentine: (Power Rangers Mystic Force, Nick/Maddie, Chip/Maddie, Nick/Xander) This one's partially a stand-in for my still-unpublished rewrite of the entire Mystic Force series, but I also have a soft spot for this absolute weirdo outlier in my oeuvre. I don't write a ton of crack, and this is crack I wrote when I was 17-18-ish, with mild edits when I reposted on AO3 a few years back. I probably need to give it a real overhaul, because I'm just so in love with Nick being a huge shithead, Leanbow being clueless, and the wildly different vibes.

No pressure tags because I'm not even sure I remember who on here writes (or does fanart, this could probably be adapted to fanart) AND does tag games, but here we go: @eriquin @patchworkgargoyle @horsegirleddiemunson and okay yeah whoever else reads this far, the curse is upon you now!

[aspec-of-dust]

As an aroace in her 30s with a corporate office job, I feel this. There's so much small talk that happens around relationships and having children. Here are some strategies I recommend for navigating these kinds of conversations:

1. When someone asks "what's new with you" or "how's life treating you" (particularly at a family-type gathering where they might be trying to sus out if you're dating), I generally answer with "Things are going well! Work's been good and I'm keeping busy" (you can just stick with "keeping busy" if you don't want to share details about work).

I also try to share details about my hobbies, particularly with coworkers or peers: "Things are going well, my trivia team has been on a roll the last couple of weeks, we've been killing our best score;" "Things are good, I've started going for walks everyday and the weather has been so nice;" or even "Things are good, I've been looking for a new hobby. I've been thinking about taking a pottery/art class, but I'm still looking for a good fit. Do you have any recommendations?"

1. a. But Dusty, you keep saying "Things are good," what if this are decidedly Not Good™? Good question! Frankly this is entirely up to you, but when it comes to small talk, you don't owe anyone the actual nitty gritty details of your life, and I personally find setting up small talk with "Things are good" reinforces the idea that your single status is a positive choice and that you're happy with the structure of your life, even if you're not explicitly talking about relationships—especially when talking to people you're not particularly close to.

2. When talking about what you did over the weekend/a holiday/break with coworkers or acquaintances, instead of "I went camping" or "I went to the movies," if I went with other people, I'll rephrase it as "We went camping" or "We went to the movies." As someone who values my platonic relationships and wants to center them in my life, I think this is a subtle way I can do this. Especially since coupled people will often discuss activities they do with their partner as "we." If you don't care about platonic relationships or are simply not interested in giving them that kind of focus, I think this is another opportunity to reinforce your enjoyment of doing things alone. For example, "I had such a great weekend! I went to the movies and then got to play a video game I'd been looking forward to" or "this weekend was so nice! I finally got a chance to catch up on some rest and do some laundry if been putting off." And like, if I didn't do anything exciting, I have no shame in sharing "small" things like this I did alone during small talk.

3. Show enthusiasm about things in your life. This can definitely be a challenge, and in a work setting it can be hard to find the line between too much information and not being too withdrawn, but in general if you can share your interests, talk about your pets and open up a bit to others, they'll generally receive you where you are. Keeping a positive attitude (or a fake it until you make it positive attitude) will provide a sense of confidence in who you are that's easier to engage with.

4. Show interest in other people. Okay so like, this is the flip side of point 3. If you're not super into sharing stuff about yourself, showing interest in other people is a great way to get to know them and build casual relationships (which could become stronger relationships if you want!)

Okay, but Dusty, these are fine, but I'm not really concerned about coworkers, I was mostly thinking about friends—No worries, I got you!

1. If your friend group is only interested in relationships and the future, you might either need to start expanding your friend group or see if your friend group would be interested in trying new things together. Meeting people through hobbies (sign up for an ongoing class, club or sports team that interests you) is a great way to connect with people who have similar interests to you and will give you something to talk and that's not work or relationships.

1.a. Also, your friends might not realize they're doing this, so before cutting anyone out, definitely have a conversation with them to set boundaries like "hey, I'm happy to hear about your date, but I'm not interested in dating, so I'm uncomfortable when you ask me about my dating experience."

2. Most people suck at small talk, sometimes you just need to guide the conversation. Lots of people default to talking about careers and relationships because to them it feels easy and universal. I've found most people are happy to change the subject if you can provide other things to talk about. Basics like tv/movies/sports/weather are good go tos for a reason. But I'd also recommend not being afraid to bring up things that are interesting or important to you.

I think it's totally normal to be bad at small talk and connections in your 20s, especially if you're just leaving school. These things take practice — Plus, I promise, you'll start to care a lot less about what other people think of you by the time you're 30, so even if the pressure feels insurmountable now, it will get easier!

tl;dr: as difficult as it can be, I think the most important thing for small talk and making connections as a non-partnering person is to be your own hype person. I find so often the reason people default to relationships and careers is because it's normalized. So many people are totally happy to talk about other things if you provide other topics to talk about.

Bonus pro-tip: Try not to take it personally when people talk about their relationships. For partnering people, their relationships are important to them and are a big part of their lives! Just make sure you're still taking space to share what's important to you and a big part of your life!

I think that being aroace and not having big life aspirations is making it so hard for me to form connections. All everyone wants to talk about is relationships, or my plans for the future, and i just have nothing to contribute to the conversation. It makes me feel so insecure and like i'm a boring person that has no personality.

[lex-munro]

[Glitter on the Wet Streets: Part 1] Shiver Stop Shivering

In another corner of the multiverse, the spell-triggered incursion happened a different way… Eddie went to New York, saved Aunt May, got dumped for some Bambi-eyed kid, and ended up playing the roles of chaperone and mascot for said kid and his two misfit pals. A year later, the timeline is trying to get itself back to something resembling its cousins.

This is Chapter 1 of probably about 12 (I couldn’t tell you, because I am trash who can’t stick to a plan) of a Venom/MCU fic about the kids having adopted Human Trashfire Eddie Brock. Massive canon divergence, lol. Let’s have a rich MJ, the Hawkeye series set a year later instead of in the same year as NWH, some implied Loki shenanigans that lead to the trio taking a gap year working at a small-time newspaper.

I originally pictured Oscar Isaac as Rafael, but he nailed Moon Knight so well that I can’t picture him as anyone else in the MCU. So let’s go with Pedro Pascal, if you need a mental image.

Warnings: Canon divergent based on the MCU. Discussion of abusive relationships (both romantic and platonic) and recovery from abuse. Giant cats. Modern YouTube references. The Scheming Writers Club™ is inspired by my coworkers. Ensemble background OCs. Language: PG-13 (primetime tv plus s***, f***, and g**damn).

Pairing: None for this chapter, just background Peter/MJ and background Happy/May with past Eddie/Venom.

Timeline: A year after the events of No Way Home, but concurrent with the events of Hawkeye (told you it was canon divergent).

Disclaimer: I doesn’t owns the movies or the characters. Or the assorted objects of pop culture reference.

Shiver Stop Shivering

“I’m just saying,” Madison drawls as she waves the onion from her cocktail through the air. “It’s almost a year since your ex left, and six full months since you met Rafael, and he is so into you—”

“Oh my God,” Eddie groans.

“Super into you,” confirms Julio. “It’s sickeningly sweet. Even my má knows the saga of you two not really dating, and she’s never met either of you. She says it’s better than a telenovela.”

“That’s how much we all yap about you lovebirds,” Tanya agrees.

Eddie presses his palms together in a pleading pose and begs, “Guys, please, no matchmaking.”

“At the very least, bone the guy. The sexual tension is really starting to get unnerving. You said it was two bad break-ups of long-terms in a row—so maybe try something less committed.”

He feels his good-humored smile slip. “Yeah, nah, I’m…I’m not really wired that way. I need long-term.”

“Okay, so long-term him! Rafa likes all your dumb little quirks, and he’s a fan of your reporting, and he smiles like a fool when you start off on one of your righteous tangents. Take a chance. Use the Christmas break to plan the perfect first date, then completely scrap that, because it’s guaranteed to go adorably awry.”

“Fine. Hard maybe.”

They laugh and jeer. “That’s not a thing!” Tanya tells him, but they (mercifully) drop the subject.

~*~*~

An hour later, he’s walking home, enjoying the weather (light snow, not too cold or too humid) and thinking about Rafael, with his boy-next-door curls and his caramel skin and his twinkling eyes. Rafa is the first person (of any gender) that his writer pals have shoved at him who isn’t at least ten years younger than Eddie, so that’s a plus. He’s nice, and he’s smart, and when he edits Eddie’s shit, he’s gentle but firm. Also, when he grew a beard in November, he was seriously rocking some big DILF energy.

So yeah, it’s tempting. Real tempting.

But all he can think about is them getting somewhere good and stable, somewhere that makes him think it’s gonna last, and then getting dumped on his ass again for not being good enough. Sometimes it’s genuinely because of something he consciously chose to do, like when he put being right (and the associated ego boost) before Anne’s privacy, but a lot of times it’s either a flimsy excuse or something he can’t (or doesn’t know how to) change about himself.

Before Anne, the standard reason had been that he’s too pushy and takes too many risks. Against all odds, Venom fixed that; his writing team considers him shy and skittish.

It took them three tries to get him to come out drinking with them, but only two weekly hangouts to guess that he was recovering from the Worst Breakup Ever. After that, well…he got a little drunk and weepy and told them about ‘V,’ who was big and brash and impulsive and selfish and immature and amazing. He told them about rough starts and violent disagreements and two not-quite-breakups. He told them how doting V could be, and how V accepted more of his failings than anyone else had, and how V knew him inside and out (he didn’t tell them it was literal, though).

He told them how V had always said Eddie was perfect for him, and that they were meant for each other, and that they belonged together.

He told them how V had taken one look at some sweet little college freshman and just fucking left without a word (he didn’t mention how the kid was Spider-Man, because that would’ve raised some really weird questions).

He didn’t have to tell them that it left him in pieces, because they’d met him in the midst of Scotch-taping himself back together.

Clean up your act, get a job, pretend you know what ‘the Blip’ is, pretend you’re not from another universe where you’re a killer vigilante and a wanted criminal, pretend you know someone—anyone at all—besides three nosy kids and the asshole alien who dumped you for one of them.

He’s honestly always liked his chances here better than back home.

He takes a long breath. This version of New York is a little cleaner than the one he remembers, and a little safer thanks to all the metas running around. Maybe it’s not smart to still be in the habit of wandering through high crime areas like he’ll eat anybody who tries to stab him… But Hell’s Kitchen has sort of adopted him, and he did get saved by Daredevil the one time he got too drunk to defend himself (and boy, did Eddie’s bisexuality reassert itself very loudly when two gang members went flying and he was face-to-amazing-ass with the red-clad hero). Point being: maybe once a month, some kid will jump out and demand cash, then start stammering apologies when he sees it’s Eddie. He gets a lot of ‘sorry, man’ and ‘big fan of your stuff’ and ‘thanks for that piece about water quality in June.’

Anyway, it’s half past seven, so it’s not like he’s out late.

He’s passing an alley that’s darker than most, when a rasping voice says, “Eddie.”

His heart skips, and he stops walking. “Whattaya want, Parker? Your girlfriend got another scoop for me? Usually, she brings it herself, because she’s got the decency to—”

“Peter is asleep,” says the voice in the alley. “We wanted to talk to you, Eddie, and Peter thinks that would be inappropriate.”

Eddie barrels into the darkness and spits out, “You’re goddamn fucking right, it’s inappropriate! What the fuck could you ‘n I possibly have to talk about, huh? You left. All that shit about ‘we’ and ‘us’ and ‘perfect symbiosis,’ and you just fucking—”

“We—I am in love with Peter.”

Eddie makes a wounded sound before he can stop himself. “And why the fuck would I wanna know that?” he asks in a tiny, trembling voice. “You used to say you loved me, that we’d be together forever.”

“I do love you. You are my friend, Eddie—my best friend. And Peter doesn’t love us—me.”

So now Eddie feels put on the spot, like he fuckzoned somebody who was never into him.

Screw that noise—Venom was the one to turn their thing romantic, and Venom was the one to turn it sexual, too.

“Fuck. This isn’t fair, V. You can’t just show up after what you did and expect me to give—what, sympathy? Advice? I have a nice life now. I have a shitty little apartment and a half-decent job where the things I write help people, and a big stupid cuddly cat, and friends who helped me get over you, because it fucking destroyed me when you left. And you think you can just come back into my life like you didn’t completely wreck it, just because now we both know that I was in love with you and you weren’t in love with me, so somehow I’m supposed help you now that you’re in the same boat. Fuck you, V. I hope he keeps you for a nice, long time, so you can have all the fun of being right there and watching him not love you back.”

In the darkness, Venom hisses and says (rather sulkily), “You are a shitty friend, Eddie.”

Eddie feels like he just took a punch to the gut. “Well,” he says, and he doesn’t really care about how wet his eyes are or how shaky his voice still is. “You were a shitty, abusive boyfriend who abandoned me, so you don’t really deserve my friendship. Goodbye, V.”

And he just leaves. He’s not going to give Venom the satisfaction of a fight (he’d lose, even if he didn’t care whether he hurt Peter), and he’s sure as shit not going to be some shoulder to cry on.

He pulls out his phone and shoots a text to MJ.

tell ur bf his roommate has been joyriding while he’s asleep

As he approaches his building, he notices a crowd, and a strange light and—

Great. The fucking building is on fire.

“Eddie! Oh, che fortuna!”

The plump little nonna from the floor above waddles over with his stupid giant fluffy black cat. The damn thing is almost as big as she is.

“Mrs. DiPazzi, what happened?”

“Those tracksuit ragazzi showed up and started throwing Molotov cocktails at the loft next door! I thought they learned their lesson when Ronin was here after the Snap, but I guess they’ve forgotten what fear is. I hope one of those nice superheroes comes to teach them some manners. Here—Snowflake came to get me, grazie a Dio. I might not have known anything was wrong until I was trapped, and meeting a fireman is not worth the risk at my age.”

Snowflake complacently drapes his furry bulk around Eddie’s shoulders like a thirty-pound purring scarf with very little encouragement from Mrs. DiPazzi.

“What would I even do with a big strapping fireman—eh, Snowflake? Yes, such a good boy, saving my life like that… Oh, bene, my son is finally here! Take care of yourself, Eddie.”

“You too, Mrs. DiPazzi.” His phone buzzes.

MJ wow rude. did he do that 2 u 2?

He snorts.

prob so my apartment is currently burning down

His phone actually rings.

MJ would like you to join a video call

He snorts and hits the ‘accept’ button.

~“Like, literally on fire or—oh, never mind, it’s on TV.”~ The girl looks vaguely impressed. ~“Bummer. Well, I’ll text you the address.”~

“Address for what?”

~“My place, weeb. My dad’s out of town anyway, and your place is on fire.”~

“You have a dad? I thought somebody used black magic on a QAnon post and it came to life.”

~“That’s fair. But seriously, how many people do you actually know in our universe? And how many of those would loan out their guest room, indefinitely, for free, to a scruffy guy who occasionally talks to somebody who can’t hear him anymore?”~

“Now you’re just bein’ hurtful.”

~“Also, I want to meet Snowflake in person—hiii, sweeetieeee, pwecious foofy dummy!”~

Snowflake yawns at the phone.

~“Awww, wookit all doze widdle fangies!”~

“Gawd, stop. Thank you for offering me ‘n this big dumb furball a place to crash. We’ll head over soon as we can get a ride.”

~“No worries, dude; it’s Christmas. In fact, y’know, I’m gonna send Aunt May’s boyfriend to come pick you up; he’s gotta come get me for family ice skating anyway.”~

~*~*~

Thirty minutes later, he’s waiting at the corner when a nice black car pulls up.

“You Eddie?” the driver asks.

“That’s me. Sorry I smell like a bar and look like I’ve been crying about my ex in an apartment fire—I was at a bar and then I was crying about my ex when I saw my damn building on fire. This is Snowflake; I promise he’s harmless.”

“I’ve had worse passengers. Hop in, and we’ll get you guys to MJ’s place.”

Which is in fucking Central Park East, eighteen floors up.

“Oh my glob, hewwo fwuffy-wuffy!” MJ coos as soon as she opens the door. She squishes Snowflake’s face between her palms, to the cat’s extremely vocal approval. “Whatta big purr, whatta big purr!”

“You done yet?” Eddie asks.

She’s back to her blank, aloof self in half a second. “You look like shit. When I get back from family skate night with the Parkers and the Starks, we’re eating a gallon of ice cream and not talking about your ex. Lock the door, don’t answer for strangers from other dimensions, yadda yadda. Wifi password is ‘MJ is the Queen of all existence and everyone else is her slave 1.’ Capital Q, no spaces. Cat food and litter will be delivered in twenty minutes, no contact; just go down to the lobby and show them this—your new key card.” It has his name and photo on it, and her apartment number.

“You, uh…you work pretty fast, huh?”

“Double-teamed it with Ned. Benefits of having smart friends whose careers you don’t ruin with hacked emails. I recommend posting the apartment fire on your Insta; I’ll setup a GoFundMe tomorrow.”

And she shoves him into the apartment.

Something catches Snowflake’s attention, and he launches off Eddie’s shoulder—and when a thirty-pound monster of a Maine Coon launches unexpectedly, even a guy like Eddie can end up knocked on his ass.

“Ow, you damn traitor!”

Snowflake has discovered the Christmas tree. He’s just sitting at the bottom, staring up at it.

“Don’t even think about it,” Eddie warns. “Nothin’ll get us kicked out faster than your dumb ass climbing up that tree and wrecking it.”

Snowflake expresses his opinion of the situation with a raucous sneeze, then prances off to lounge in front of the fake fire (because of course the place has a heater shaped like a fucking fireplace).

There’s a note on the coffee table (next to an array of ‘conversation starter’ literature).

Eddie-spaghetti Guest room down the hall to the right, next door to guest bath. Linens and towels are fresh. Leftover vegan lasagna (shut up, I’m trying smthg) in fridge, pop the lid before heating. This remote is for the TV, or you can just talk to Alexa. Back by 10pm, we’ll talk then. MJ

He watches the really depressing news report about the apartment fire. He goes down to get Snowflake’s supplies (there’s even a pack of compostable litter trays, though the sheer size of the cat means it’s wisest to spread them out in a grid). Then he stretches out on the couch and continues his efforts to understand this universe’s YouTube stars. He ends up watching three videos about Victorian clothing, one critiquing the hypothetical efficacy of sexualized costume armor designs, one TikTok compilation about being the awkward oldest friend (it hits very close to home), two vids of humorously misheard lyrics, and has just started his second video of some soothing guy restoring old paintings when MJ gets home (Snowflake surfaces from his explorations to rub up against her knees).

“Julian Baumgartner,” she says approvingly. “High quality ASMR.”

“How was skating?”

“It was okay. Happy and Aunt May were sickeningly adorable. Pepper and Morgan were great, mostly because Morgan is a lot better at skating than the rest of us—literally skated circles around us. Peter was a little weird, even for him; seemed like the roommate was sulking.”

Snowflake seizes his usual spot, loafed on Eddie’s chest and purring (like Venom used to do, in fact).

“Yeah?” Eddie says in a petty tone. “Who cares? Fuck that guy. Selfish asshole…”

She perches on the edge of the coffee table and leans toward him. “Are you okay? Because I kind of thought you were more ‘over him’ than this. Didn’t I hear Julio saying just the other day how you and Rafael were totally on the brink of dating?”

Eddie focuses on petting his giant cat. “I am—we are. Just…when he hijacked Parker earlier, it was to come find me and tell me he’s in love with the kid. And what am I s’posed to do with that, right? ‘Hey, Eddie, I know you’re in love with me, but I’m in love with this other guy who’s younger, smarter, more ethical, and generally just better than you, but he doesn’t feel the same way, so I’m gonna cry to you about it since you’re my best friend.’ Can you believe that shit? Had the fuckin’ nerve to call me his ‘best friend’ after all the shit he’s pulled, all the tantrums, all the times he broke my shit or broke my bones or fixed me up just so he could hurt me again…after he took one look at Parker and just left even though he said we’d be together forever.”

MJ holds out a box of tissues, and Eddie realizes he’s been crying. He takes a handful and blows his nose, and his dumb cat puts a giant fuzzy paw on his face in a boop so epic it should be conveyed in all caps.

“You have kinda crappy taste in boyfriends,” says MJ. “But you have pretty good taste in cats. I’m gonna go get the ice cream and some spoons, and we’re gonna marathon some Nailed It International. The Mexican version is especially wholesome.”

.End.