#Joel Life Series kin

[dear-fictionkin]

dear, joel and bdubs

i miss you

-a life series etho fictionkin

[postage date: October 29, 2023]

[penvisions]

return the favor {chapter 20}

Pairing: Post-Outbreak! Joel Miller x Smuggler! Reader

Summary: The arrival in the haven of Jackson brings certain things to a head, you find solace in a few people of the settlement after being alone with your thoughts for months.

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings: canon typical violence, canon typical language, canon typical angst, like MAJOR ANGST, feelings of inadequacy, ptsd, trauma, brief discussion of child loss, grief, argumentative language, yelling, shouting, joel being an ass, reader being an ass, angry emotions, brief suicidal ideation, reference to past self-harm injury, ellie being a little shit, maria's hyper awareness, reference to sexual content

A/N: this came to me very quickly, having had the ending scene written from the get go and the rest of the story was a way to make it make sense. hope this doesn't hurt anyone too bad! please come complain to me (nicely) if you feel the need

ao3 link || series masterlist || main masterlist || ko-fi

The horses were fast, impossibly so after being only on foot for so long. You kept a tight hold on Ellie in front of you, arms around her and holding the reigns of the horse you had been offered. She’d never been on one before but he helped her up all the same, and then you behind her. You knew he was worried about your arm, irritating it with the effort to pull yourself up on your own.

Joel was on his own, right behind the woman who introduced herself as Maria, one of the declared leaders of the council to whatever haven they were now taking you to. She had been curt with her words, saying that Joel’s brother was with them. There had been argument or discussion, Joel asking to see him, be taken to him such weak tone you knew was born of hope and desperation at this point.

A formidable structure was cresting over a hill, giant logs forming a wall with an entrance that you could barely make out adorned with people on watch. Your heart had yet to calm down since the first whiny of a horse, thudding heavily in your chest and almost mirrored in your temple as a headache formed at this drastic chain of events.

It almost seemed too good to be true, like a lifeline that was a trick should you reach out and grab it. But Joel had, he had reached out his aching hands and gripped it tight, refusing to let it go.

As the gates opened you could feel your breath leave you in a puff of steam. It…it was a whole town, revealed behind the gates. A traditional main street lined with maintained buildings, people bustling about and doing so much that it was all so dizzying. You turned to look at Joel, having been corralled in the middle of the group for entrance into their settlement. He could only share your look of disbelief, nodding at you to turn back around and take it all in.

There were elderly people, there were children, there was laughter, there was excitement.

There was life.

Your observations were cut short when Joel’s voice boomed behind you.

“Tommy!”

You turned to look at him, Ellie mirroring you and you followed his gaze toward a man clad in denim who was atop some scaffolding and working with another figure to haul up pillars of wood. Building, they were actively building. Creating something, making something more for this already amazingly impressive place. The man looked up, his focus shattered at a vaguely familiar voice. Dark hair longer and curling at the ends, thick mustache that rivaled Joel’s atop his upper lip. The same kind eyes and similar features telling you that it was indeed his kin if he hadn’t just shouted it for all to hear. Both men rushed toward each other, Joel dismounting his horse and the man stomping down the scaffolding.

They embraced in the middle of the street, boots nearly sliding out from underneath each of them at the collision, Joel’s disbelieving chuckle coloring the air and softening your heart.

Ellie reached for your hand still holding the reigns. So small in your own as you shifted the reigns to one and held her with the other. Her eyes were cast down, watching the scene through her lashes.

“What the fuck ya doing here?”

“I came here to save you.”

They both laughed, embracing again and nearly swaying on the spot. Ellie turned away from the reunion, knowing that her thoughts were much like your own.

Alone.

You were both alone. No family of your own left. You shifted forward and pressed your front to her back and leaned over her a little. Whispering into her ear that she had you, that she wasn’t alone. That you wouldn’t leave her for anything. That she had you.

She didn’t respond, face barely composed as the horses began to move once again. Joel and his brother walking beside them.

Her words of asking you to stay with her echoed in your head.

It felt like a dream, entering the stables and securing the horses. Following behind the small group of Maria, Tommy, Joel, and Ellie through the town. Walking through doors into a large space that was set up like a mess hall.

The plate in your hand heavy as it was handed over to you, filled with steaming food that you couldn’t smell. A cup of coffee and a glass of water are brought to the table once seated. You, Joel, and Ellie on one side while Maria cornered her chair from the head closer to Tommy on the other. Joel and Ellie wasted no time digging in, barely taking a breath as they inhaled their food.

But you were too overwhelmed, too wary. You had come across a place similar to this once, not nearly as large. Only a small collection of houses at the end of a cul-de-sac. But the food had been a ploy to get your guard down. It had been tainted, the drugs making you dizzy enough to become pliant when taken back to a room full of women shackled to the walls.

The fork in your hand felt fake, too light and unlike a weapon that had been become a part of you.

“There’s more if you need it.” Maria’s voice was even, and your eyes shifted to her, she was already watching you. Her eyes moving between your trio in even sweeps, trying to read whatever you were unconsciously telling her. Trying to discern the dynamic and the reason for you sticking together. Worry underlying her gaze as you noticed her leg move to touch against Tommy’s under the tabletop.

“Thank you, ma’am.” Joel took a moment to catch his breath, fork still loaded and hunched over his plate slightly. “Been a while since we’ve had a proper meal.”

“Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever had a proper meal.” Ellie quickly tore down his simple statement.

“Now that’s a lie, Bean’s made us plenty of meals with what she could.” He fired back, no real heat behind his words. He looked over to you, but he paused when he realized you had yet to touch your food. The fork in your grip just hovering over the tablecloth laid out beneath it. The steam rising from the mix of different things on the plate not enticing you enough to indulge. You wouldn’t meet his eyes, too busy trained on Maria and having a silent conversation with the woman across from you.

“Okay, maybe one or two. But this is fuckin’ amazing.

Joel’s head whipped back to the teenager whose focus was solely on the food she was hunched over, her arms creating a barrier from the rest of the table.

“Sorry.” He aimed at his brother and the woman beside him, almost sheepish. It was a surprise to both of them that you didn’t admonish her like you had back at the cabin, when she cursed at the elderly couple. You weren’t completely present and it was setting them both on edge a little. You hadn’t been so out of it since the fever that tried to take over you after Salt Lake City. But even then, your eyes were clouded over, instincts taking hold and guiding you. Survival being the only goal right now, despite being in an entirely different climate and environment. “Ellie, let’s mind our manners.”

Tommy’s smile was beautiful, though there was pain behind it. Joel’s too as you realized they were sharing hesitant one. You and Maria shared another look of your own before she reached a hand out for you.

You flinched, the fork clattering to the table as you pulled your hand back. Joel stiffened beside you, his knee pressing to yours underneath the table in a small comfort. But it was fruitless, you were too worked up, too overwhelmed. Too hopeless to salvage or take anything with the man in light of changing circumstances.  

“I promise you the food is safe.” Her eyes softened as she realized what you must’ve been thinking, seeing you too clearly for comfort.

Ellie’s demanding ‘what’ broke the connection, drawing attention to a young girl that scurried away from where she had been observing the table.

“What’s wrong with you?” Joel’s voice was incredulous, unable to process the front she was putting on much like she had done at the older couples’ cabin. He glanced over at you, but you were focused on the food in front of you, not really present. Unable to help him try to get Ellie to behave herself. He huffed, worried for you and exasperated with the teenager, feeling the strain of having to watch over you both even now.

“What about her manners?” Ellie spit back, voice lethal as she tried to defend herself. Too familiar with watching, prying eyes. Scanning her for weakness and then using it against her. This wasn’t the FEDRA school building, this wasn’t a controlled environment like that. This was different, she was different. She wouldn’t let someone get the chance to bully or beat her up just because she was new or different this time around.

“She was just curious.” Maria spoke softly, trying to maintain a calm head in the face of Ellie’s defensive front and your nearly shut down one. “Kids around here don’t usually look or talk like you.”

“Right…well, maybe I’ll teach them.” She held the woman’s gaze, setting your nerves alight, worried she would get herself into a situation she couldn’t get out of, a situation you or even Joel couldn’t help to get her out of. You were paying attention, but everything seemed to be happening behind a thick panel of glass. Like you were there but not, removed and watching as if in another headspace you couldn’t shake off. “And I want my gun back.”

“They also aren’t armed.” Maria’s tone hardened, her frustration showing slightly but trying to keep up appearances, keep her calm in the wake of seeing how your trio was failing to integrate even this early on after being brought in. You were sure if there was no connection to the man beside her, you would’ve been turned away.

“You know what? Uh- I think y’all maybe got off on the wrong foot.”

“She was gonna have her guys kill us.” The silverware in her grip thudded onto the table as she leaned forward, no longer willing to play nice.

“We gotta be real careful about who we let in this place.” Tommy tried to explain, calmly taking over the conversation. He and Joel seemed the most calm, it was you, Maria, and Ellie who were having trouble acting like this wasn’t one of the weirdest fucking interactions of your lives. “But it’s all bark. We’re just tryna scare off those who might wanna try us is all.”

“Well, you got a couple of ninety year olds shitting themselves out there.”

“Ellie.” Joel’s head swiveled heavily as he pinned her with a sharp look for her foul language.

“They say that you leave dead bodies around?” Ellie focused back on Maria, wanting to hear the answer the woman came up with.

“Those are the people who tried us.”

“A bad reputation doesn’t mean you’re bad. Not always, at least.” Maria’s eyes locked on Joel, his chewing stopping as he realized what she was insinuating despite having just met him.

“Ma’am, we’re grateful for your hospitality and all.” He locked eyes with his brother, who suddenly seemed uncomfortable, worried about what was about to be said. “But it’d be nice to have a moment here, maybe just for family.”

“Well, um…” Tommy scrambled for words. But you didn’t hesitate.

Taking that as your queue to leave, you began to move.

"You're okay, darlin’." Joel had turned to face you; you were on his right side out of habit. He was looking down at you, the few inches of space making you dizzy as his eyes were on you. You shook your head slightly, disagreeing quietly to save face, mentally preparing yourself for the rift that was bound to open between you now that he was back with his actual flesh and blood. You had never seen such unadulterated joy on his face as you had seen today, though Ellie would be the first to argue that he looks at you in much the same way.

As if sensing the shift in you, Joel turned his head just enough to keep you in his periphery. Body still taught and on alert despite being behind the walls and in the company of his finally found brother. The room was large, too many people milling about, seated at their own tables. The hum of chatter almost suffocating as it was so different a background noise from the howling of the wind and the rustling of trees that kept you company for months now. The hush of moving fabric a threat more than a comfort, the shadows of people moving about and minding their own business something that set you on edge instead of placated you. But you knew it had to be a good thing, this settlement.

Joel whispered your name, reaching out a hand to grip yours where it was on the table, having put the utensil down at his words and gone to push yourself up from your chair. Ellie watched with caution as he did so, knowing that you were full of emotions she couldn't read, she was feeling some kind of way herself ever since the brothers had hugged so unabashedly in the street. You yanked your hand from him in a moment of self-anger and pity, upset that you had begun to think things were mending between you. But he kept his hold, your clasped hands hanging between where he was still seated and where you stood beside him, chair kicked back a few inches at the motion.

But the truth was that in the light of civilization, in the chance at human connection, you didn't stand a chance. The strain that had been slowly developing between you both would shatter into nothing in the light of finding this haven in the middle of nowhere.

He would find some semblance of his old life here with his brother. You were just someone who he traveled with, shared favors when things got overwhelming and human urges were too strong to quell. You weren’t anything to him, not really, and even if you were naïve enough to think so, it wasn’t real. Whatever you two had wasn’t real, it was a faux creation of comfortability built in the confines of forced close quarters. 

"Let go of me." He pulled his hand back as if burned, he didn't dare step over set boundaries when it came to touch. Your voice had been quiet, just enough to be heard. You nodded at Tommy, at Maria in silent thanks for the untouched meal and then walked away from the table. The door didn’t even get to close behind you completely before Joel was excusing himself and following you.

“Please, just, I can’t pretend like this isn’t all so overwhelming.” You didn’t turn around to look at him but could feel how close he was behind you as you descended the steps leading to the entrance of the building. Snow and rock salt crunched underneath your worn boots and you wanted to continue to hear that sound until you were far away from this place, from this supposed refuge. People were dangerous, perspective having been solidified by nearly every encounter from the last fifteen years accumulating and not changing in the slightest.

“Family includes you.”

“You trekked across the country for him, Joel. Go be with your brother. I’ll give you space or whatever you need, but please don’t make me feel like I’m something I’m not.”

“You are, you are…important.”

“Not now! Not…not since I’ve been so in my head that I can’t distinguish the present from the warped reality in my head. I know it and you know it.”

“Darlin’, c’mon, at least get a warm meal in ya before we do this.” Your features morphed into a deceptive calm. Even he was admitting that this was about to all fall apart, the thin string of connection between your little trio, between you both.  

“Joel-“

“Enough!” His frustrated shout caught the attention of more than a few passerby, craning their necks toward the argument. No longer given the element of privacy behind the walls and in the center of town. “Let’s just go back in there and hear them out, you owe me that much.”

“No!” You shouted back, not caring how it echoed or the people watching on with wide eyes. Not caring how it may look to these people who knew nothing about you or even seemed to be welcoming. Prying eyes be damned, you would not let Joel steam roll you.

“You’re treating me like shit, Joel. And I’m over it. Pinging back and forth so quick I can’t keep up. I don’t care if you don’t want anything from me, but you have to show me some respect. Don’t go acting like this one meal with your real family is going to change anything. You’re going to drop me, and I’d rather know now.”

“I am trying to keep you alive. Yours and Ellie’s lives are in my hands and I am trying my damned best to keep them safe. Between her constant questions and your hovering, it’s nearly impossible to keep a quiet trek. Even now, behind these walls. You’re acting like I’ve betrayed you in some way and throwing up your walls without hearing anything out.”

The irony of his words must’ve sunk in because he stepped back with a deep inhale, his expression steeling as if freezing over in the cold air.

“No one said it was just your responsibility. I’m here too, Joel, you have to let me carry some of the weight. I’m here, I’ve done nothing but follow your lead and I am glad to, but you have to respect me. Do not treat me like a burden because I’m not one. Don’t pretend like you’re not about to cut your losses and move on.”

The words seemed to ignite him further, no longer willing to hold back all of the emotions he had been feeling and still felt despite the temporary reprieve. A glint shone in his eyes as he stepped toward you, his height allowing him the display of power as he glared down at you. You tried not to let the flash of fear show, but you know it passed over your face as he got closer. He had paused for the fraction of a second, seeing it and hating that it had happened but sticking to his guns all the same. Despite the knowledge that he wouldn’t hurt you, the thought was so palpable as he loomed over you. Your hands twitched but there were no weapons to reach for, having been taken at the gate upon entrance.

“Oh yeah? Is that why every god damn set back, every break we’ve had to take was because of you? If you’re so capable then why are you constantly injured, huh? First the broken arm, then the fever, then the god damn bear, and the lake. Hell, the first day we came across you and cleared the city limits, you fell, knocked your head and twisted your god damn ankle. What do all of those have in common? You. It’s because you’re weak, darlin’.”

“Fuck you.” You spat, taken aback by the way he was speaking to you. The way he was deciding to do this. Putting the blame for his inability to face reality on you, with you.

“My arm got broken because I was protecting Ellie on the ground while you were up in that house! The fever was because of my broken arm. The bear? The goddamn bear, Joel? You mean the one you couldn’t hear coming up from behind? And the lake? You were the one taken hostage, not me. I was the one that got you untied, I was the one that’s been getting the shit end of the stick this whole journey, but guess what, I’ve also been the one healing everyone! Been cooking whatever we hunt and forage, been the one to help bridge the gap between you and teenage girl you’re afraid of!”

“I am not afraid of that little girl.” He hissed, teeth clenched tight as he bared them at you.

“You are. And you’re afraid of me. Because it’s more than making sure we stay alive. It’s because you care.”

“I don’t care. Only doing this to get-“

“Oh shut the fuck up, you repressed asshole.”

You stalked away from him, done with the conversation before it blew up even more. But not before he saw the tears overflow and begin to race down your cheeks. Shoving through the people that had loosely gathered around you both, pretending not to listen in but failing at being discreet. Perfect, the first impression you were both making was terrible. A heated, boisterous argument right in the middle of the densest part of the whole town.

Joel called your name, but you ignored it. Done with the conversation, done with him. Your ears were ringing, your body was tingling as if numb, that staticky feeling when a limb fell asleep and blood flow was blocked. Your throat was tight, face hot with emotions. Family. The word echoed in your head over and over again, too much, too defining. Too much of a lie. Reality be damned, you’d rather be alone than force a connection with someone who deemed you a proverbial punching bag because they couldn’t handle their emotions. The street blurred by as you stalked off, pace fast.

You physically reeled when a hand closed around your upper arm. You startled so badly at the touch that you tripped, body falling with the sudden loss of balance and stability.

“Don’t touch me!” You shrieked, not willing to play nice any longer. You swung a clenched fist around too quick for the person to dodge and a woman fell to the ground with a shout just as you landed on your own ass. Both arms going out to try and catch yourself, but when the contact of your left arm was made you shouted out. Tingles sprouted up and down the entire length and all you could do was grip it right with your right and look up through your tears. The woman who had approached you was cradling her face, a pink blossom sprouting from where you had landed the punch. But you didn’t move even as you distantly heard the click of a gun’s safety.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m a nurse! I just wanted to help, you’re obviously distressed.”

Ellie sat there and stabbed at her food, taking too big a mouthful to cover her discomfort at being left at the table with these strangers alone.

“They do that a lot?” Maria asked, trying to comb over the obvious awkward tension in the air as the girl was left beside two people she didn’t know anything about. It didn’t seem to matter that it was a safe environment, Ellie was on edge and it was obvious.

“What, act like dumbasses who don’t know the other likes them?” Ellie swallowed her food, stabbing another large bite. Trying to act like she wasn’t brimming with anxiety while you and Joel were separated from each other. Maria and Tommy shared a look, not sure what to do other than wait for one or both of you to return to the table. “All the time, it’s exhausting.”

Joel ambled back in and Ellie perked up slightly until she realized you weren’t behind him. He just shook his head slightly at her, letting her know that you had walked off to cool down or gather yourself or whatever. But he was sure the sharp cuts of words you both shouted at each other had been audible from outside.

“Maria is family.” Tommy declared, shaking their held hands atop the table.

“Oh shit,” Ellie shifted from their linked hands to each of their faces. “Congrats.”

“Joel, say congrats.” The teenager calmly prompted, taking enjoyment out of the turn of roles to mind manners. Shifting in the seat he had taken back him, he locked eyes with his brother and congratulated them in a flat tone. The hits of the day continued to land as he realized his place in this world.

As the group stepped out from the mess hall, a woman came up to Maria and whispered something to her. With a nod she sent her off and turned to Joel.

“Your girl is at the infirmary, the nurse we have is tending to her arm. It was broken recently?”

“Three months ago, broke clean through the skin. She tended to it herself as best she could.” He was sure you wouldn’t mind the information being shared, most likely the exact thing you were telling the people at the infirmary to get a better understanding of how your attempts had done and able to determine how well it had healed.  

“Bean can take care of herself, she went to school for, what was it Joel?” Ellie turned to him, not wanting to say the wrong thing. But wanting the woman to know who she was messing with, know who she almost killed. Spiteful tendencies not falling off in the face of authority.

“EMT, medical anthropology. She’s got degrees under her belt and certifications.” Joel felt pride flare up in his chest as he spoke, wanting Tommy and Maria to know that you were capable, just as he was. That you had been holding your own out there in the wilderness, that it hadn’t been easy but you managed between here and Boston just fine.

“A smart woman, we need someone with that kind of knowledge. Our last doctor that taken out by a nasty strain of the flu last season.” Tommy tried to bridge the gap of conversation. Trying to understand exactly what happened to his brother from the moment he left Boston with the Fireflies to now, without being too direct. Knowing focused questions would warrant Joel to close oof or fabricated lies that were only hints of what actually happened. The girl and you being the biggest questions he has by far. But he let it rest for now, hoping they could have a moment alone soon enough. Hoping that by some miracle his brother would plan on staying here, safe. With him.

Joel listened as Maria began her informative tour, explaining the basics of things here in Jackson for him and Ellie to learn. To get familiar with. But he wasn’t sure what to do now, what the right choice to make was.

Remain here and integrate. Make some semblance of like all together. Or simply use it as a place to recharge and then get back on the road, use it as a place to gather information and supplies before picking up where they left off. The Fireflies, Ellie being immune, you needing rest, Joel needing rest…all of it factors in a decision he needed to talk over with you. After he apologized for the way he spoke to you earlier, for the things he blamed on you that he was at war within himself over. He was bonded to you all and that was the problem, he had gotten too close in the months of travel. Come to instinctually seek you both out as soon as his eyes opened after sleep, needing to protect you both at any cost.

Something Maria said brought him out of his spiraling thoughts, and he turned his attention to her with a furrowed brow. None of this made any sense, too many generators that would fail out in cycles between fixes and scavenging for parts or batteries. A light pole stood proud in the center of the street, thick cables running off of it an toward the tops of the surrounding buildings.

“You draw power from the dam.”

“Got that working a few years ago.” She agreed, slight confusion coloring her features as he pointed it out. She hadn’t said so, but she continues talking, finding it a good thing that he was asking questions and engaging rather than shutting down and running off like you had been. Though she wished you were within her sights, just to make sure you were okay.

“Bean was right.” Ellie pinned Joel with a mild glare. Aware of the growing tension between the two of you as the days bled together.

The stables were loud, now in the later hour.  The bustle of horses being lead around large pens, sheep being herded from one to another, people tending to the animals keeping his thoughts at bay. He felt a glimmer of something as he watched the sheep move about with trotting steps and comforting noises, the conversation from the night before sprouting to the front of his mind.  

“Hey Joel, check it.” Ellie smiled, imitating them as she looked over her shoulder at the man. Tommy looked between them, brows raised in a silent question that Joel waved off with a slight nod of his head.

“Soooo are you like, in charge?” Ellie askes, hands weakly clapping together from where she had them buried deep in her jacket pockets. Nervous energy filling her up the longer she was away from you, but hoping you would join back up with them soon.

“No one person’s in charge.” “I’m on the council. Democratically elected, serving three hundred people, including children. Everyone pitches in. We rotate patrols, food prep, repairs, hunting, harvesting.

“Everything you see in our town: greenhouses, livestock, all shared. Collective ownership.

“So, un, communism.” Joel spoke up, taking it all in. Thoughts racing as he wondered if you were getting the same information at the infirmary.

“Nah.” Tommy scoffed, not agreeing with the rather simple way that Joel summarized everything. “Nah, it ain’t like that.”

“It is that. Literally.” Maria burst her husband’s naïve bubble, though there was no heat behind her words as she glanced back at him. It simply was the most accurate way to describe what they had established here in Jackson. “This is a commune. We’re communists.”

Joel tossed Tommy a smug look over his shoulder as he rubbed his aching hands together and followed after the girls. Tommy hung back for a moment, soaking in the realization.

“No way!” Excitement colored Ellie’s tone when she spotted the mare and her foal peeking out from within a stable close by.

“That’s our newest one. Couple months old, wanna pet her?” The offer was genuine as the group approached the opening and Ellie reached out to baby talk and caress the foal’s fur.

“Yeah, what’s her name?” Joel ambled close to her, sticking by her side even with the relative safety of the place, not taking any chances with the bustle of people everywhere. She was distracted, the sights and phenomena garnering her attention. She wasn’t on alert, but he remained so for her sake. For his.

“Shimmer.”

“Well, I’m sure they’d like a shower. Some new clothes. We can put them in the empty house across the street from us.”

“Yeah,” Tommy looked to his brother, hoping they weren’t overstepping anything by offering without all three of your trio present. “Decent place, pretty much untouched since ’03, but it’s got the heat goin’ in it. Could do worse.”

“Oh, trust me, we have been.”

“We’ve been doin’ fine. Don’t disrespect Bean like that.” Joel defended, not wanting them to know just how bad it had been getting before they found you. Feeling self-righteous in the face of finding out his brother had been experiencing old world comforts while he slept on the frozen ground and ate whatever could be scrounged up day after day. That he had barely been able to provide for you and Ellie despite his efforts.

“Oh, like you did, yelling at her in the middle of the street and running her off?” The teenager fired back, not taking Joel’s attempt at corralling her in that instance.

“Ellie-“ Joel hung his head, shoulders inching up as he realized this was only the first of many comments the teenager was going to make.

“Well, I’ll take Ellie over there. Track down…Bean was it you’re calling her? Let you two catch up.”

Joel gave them your real name them, not sure if you’d want strangers you didn’t know calling you by the fond nickname Ellie had graced you with before him and his brother broke off to have a moment alone.

It was night when you returned to the center of town, the main street lit up with fairy lights and burn barrels. It was pretty, you had to admit as you walked around looking for the movie gathering that Maria had marked on a note for you back at the house assigned to you for the night. It had been empty when you arrived. Lights and heat on for when one or all three of you retired for the night.

“Maria, can I…have a word with you?”

“Of course,” The woman lead you out of the crowded room and onto the street. She opened the door to a front further down the street. You settled up on a stool at the bar while she rounded the long counter and poured you a drink. Eyes trained on the bottle she replaced back on the shelve, not pouring one of her own.

You gripped the lowball glass in steady hands.

“I know you what you must think of me…of Joel. But we did right by that little girl and we’ve been doing our best to keep her alive. But…it’s not been easy, I won’t lie to you.”

“That argument was pretty heated, seems like things haven’t been easy in the slightest.”

“It’s…unforgiving out there. Thought I had enough trouble traveling alone, but with people you feel responsible for, that look to you for guidance, it’s far worse.”

“She’s not yours.” Maria realized, putting the words to fruition, seeing you and making it known. She could recognize it in you, just like you could in her. Mirrors of each other, though one had safety and community while one did not. Mothers who have lost, women who have survived. You met her eyes and showed even more of yourself to her, feeling like she was trustworthy to know. To be privy to what drove you and made you who you were. That you were willing to be a part of this should they allow you to stay, with or without Joel.

“No, mine was lost before the pregnancy could come to term. Ambushed. Lost my husband and my home, nearly lost myself too.” Honesty seemed to be the best course of action, the right thing to do in face of all this woman had offered you so far. Despite the way in which the initial greeting had played out. You understood the need to protect, the need to threaten. You’ve had to do it before and you would do it again in a heartbeat.

“I’ve lost a child too. It’s not something you can come back from without weight.”

“No, it’s not. Even after fifteen years. Twenty years.”

“But Joel-“

“He’s a good man, but I know he’s done some things. Things that weren’t necessary but were easier for him to do in his own grief. I think he’s carried it heavier than all of us combined. But please, don’t mistake me, I am not making excuses for the man, hell, we ain’t even friends. Not really. Just happened across each other and stuck together, for Ellie.”

“But you love him. I can see it. Despite everything.”

“It’s those damn Miller genes, gotta hand it to them.” Your lips pulled up at one corner before you sobered, mood not picking up completely in wake of the day. “He doesn’t return those feelings, or he does and can’t stomach the thought, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve been a fool to think that this journey changed him in that regard.”

“But the journey isn’t over.” She was smart, reading you like you were one and the same. You wondered if for all your combined hardness, if preserving softness was how you truly survived. Her with helping to keep this commune running, you with protecting a little girl with everything you had. Both the same, both trying to heal with world in what little ways you could with dual swords gripped tight in each hand.

“All I ask for is supplies and a horse, I’ll take Ellie on from here. But please, give him the same curtesy if he decided to stay or not or y’all vote against him stayin’. Please.” You gazed out at the smoke wafting from one of the burn barrels, hoping to be emersed in a hot shower after being out in the cold so long. You hadn’t sat still for more than a moment since entering the town, doing rounds and talking with the nurse who had been kind enough to help you despite blindly attacking her.

She was nice, if a little misguided. Working off of notations and medical books that wouldn’t help her to truly understand the gravity of certain injuries unless she had dealt with them before. You left your own journal for her, some of the books you had kept with you. You hadn’t asked for anything in return but she made you a plate of food in her home, her wife kind enough clean your coat while you all talked.

“She’s all I got now, and she needs me. We can finish our travels from here on out alone, and don’t want to be a burden to someone who is still dealing with their own internal demons. But he’s right, I am weak. Been injured more than whole the past three months, but if it means I could get her to where she needs to be, then I’ll risk my death.”

“I’ll get you what you need but…know there’s a place here for you both- all if you…don’t find what you’re looking for.”

“You’re just saying that because I’m medically trained.”

“I mean it, you deserve a chance too, even if you’ve already given up.”

She reached out to take your hand and this time you didn’t flinch.

You didn’t greet Joel as he entered the home, the shine of tears long past still evident on his face in other ways. His shoulders were slumped, exhaustion plain in his every movement. He walks past you and toward the staircase, his path toward Ellie up in one of the rooms.

“Don’t,” You stepped away from the bottom of the stairs the second he appeared at the top of them. The soft light of the lamps lit up around the living room bathing you in half shadows. But they didn’t hide the hard focus of your features. You heard everything that reverberated down the stairs. He had broken Ellie’s trust in him, her faith in him, just like he was about to do with you.

Tension was a thick wight over the room, your body tense and Joel’s shoulders slumped as he leaned his knees against the side of the couch. The argument from earlier floating between you both as you were standing by an armchair across the room.

“We…we can still get her there.”

“We’re both too weak.”

“Not-not if we rest for a few days, get some decent meals in us. Water that we aren’t rationing to only what we can carry.”

“No, not even then. I’m too old, too worn down. You’re too injured, prone to get more so. We aren’t strong enough.”

“Joel-“ You pinched the bridge of your nose, head throbbing with the cold still waning from your trek to find Maria.

“You deserve better, dammit! Not some old fuck who can’t handle anything anymore!” His voice was loud, booming around the dusty living room and you jumped, not expecting it. You were sure Ellie could hear the hollering just as you had heard her a few moments before. Your hands were fisted at your sides, nails digging into the skin of your palms at the action. “You’re so insistent on keeping on with me when there’s no fucking reason! Like a damn thorn in my side, no matter how hard I dig I can’t get you out!”

“It’s not about what I deserve, you fucking idiot! It’s about what I want. And you’re it, Joel Miller.”

“Well, sometimes we don’t get what we want. I’m not your shot at a second chance to start a family. I’m too damn old for this shit. Playing pretend and ignoring the reality of the situation. We shouldn’t have started what we did, it just made things complicated. We were both weak, to give into that. Too stupid to see that it wasn’t moments of peace, it was damnation.”

“I don’t regret being that way with you.”

“Well I do. It wasn’t right, we were fools to think there weren’t strings attached to it. You have enough trauma with that kind of stuff for there not to be. With how you came onto me, propositioned me, I shoulda known you would get attached.” The words tumbled out of his mouth without a thought. The heat of the moment and the emotions swirling in him too much for common sense and decency to play a part.

All of the emotions of seeing his brother after so long, having been living in a safe and protected place while he had suddenly come into the care of someone he hadn’t had room in his stone cold heart to deal with. Losing the one person he had come to trust in his life, suddenly shackled with another woman who reminded him of her so much. Suddenly a father again and faced with a familiar silhouette that sparked too many hurtful memories.

“Oh.” Your face fell, no longer firm with determination as you fired shouts at him as fast as he had been doing to you. A heaviness settled in your chest as you schooled your expression into a blank one. You didn’t want Joel to see you cry, even as you felt the tears begin to well up, your face heated up as they did so. Your hands were still at your sides, when not two seconds ago your fists were clenched as you pleaded with the man to understand. But it was too late, he set fire to the bridge you two had cautiously and carefully built over the last four months with one breath.

“Shit, that-“

“No, no. I get it, I’m damaged goods. Too impure for you in your fuckin’ set southern ways. I guess we don’t owe each other anymore favors. I felt safe with you, I let my guard down with you, but I’m seeing it for what it was now. I was nothing more than an easy fuck to you. That’s all I’ve ever been to people in this damn forsaken world. God forbid I think I’m anything of substance, of anything more than that. I haven’t felt wanted since before my husband got slaughtered.”

You didn’t care how hoarse your voice was, the volume diminished now that your heart felt like it had been stabbed, wounded beyond repair.

The scar on your left arm was throbbing. The sensation to tear the skin open fleeting in your mind just as was the bloodied body of a past lover, of the men you had taken out after finding them retreating in deep snow, of your legs scratched and bruised from fighting one of them off to no avail. You opted to reach for your pack where you had set it beside an armchair. Joel was silent as he watched you try to pick it up, his fingers curling into his palm over and over again in that obvious nervous twitch of his. But you were too overcome with the situation to lift it, the weight of it too much for you. You crumbled to the ground, knees digging into the hardwood of the floor, your hands gripped tight on the fabric of the pack, knuckles white with the pressure. Tears rolled down your face, heavy and hot as your chest ached.

“At least everyone else had the decency to demand what they wanted from me, not play tricks in order to get it. I was honest with you, I meant what I said. But, maybe I should’ve been honest when it developed past that and that’s on me. Played me like a damn fool.” Your words wavered as they fell from your lips, no more fight to your voice. He had broken you, like he did everything he ever touched. “Savior complex rewarded by helping out someone in their time of need and then getting the reward. Should’ve seen it for what it was this whole time.”

No words came from him, no defense against himself, no admonishments for you and what you were thinking. All of the embraces, all of the reaching hands, all of the shared looks, tainted now. And there was no going back. He just watched the way you clung to your pack, crumbled down on the ground.

You didn’t say anything, head bowed over your hands still tangled in the handle of your pack. The tears were rolling down your cheeks, hiccups lofting into the air on every other intake of shuddering breath. You tried to tamp it down, not wanting the man to see you break down and continue to see you as weak, but being too overcome to realize it would make a lasting impression on him for the days to come either way.

“Tommy is going to take my post, he’ll help get you both to where you need to be. Dawn, it’s his call.”

His steps were heavy as he thudded past you, crossing the room. His coat being tugged on over his taut shoulders, entire body tense as he worried you would suddenly find a second wind. But you didn’t and he made it to the door. The sound of it closing behind him, the click of the handle sounding with a note of finality. Joel rubbed hard at his face, hand smearing the tears that had fallen from his own eyes over his heated skin. He looked up to see Tommy standing on the steps to the porch, frozen mid-step between two of them, gloved hand on the railing.

“Don’t.”

“Joel…”

“I said don’t, Tommy.” He clenched his eyes shut as the muffled sound of your cries sounded through the door. He didn’t think his heart could ever feel so heavy again, but he was proven wrong as he walked away from the house that was supposed to be some sort of future for all three of you. He was a damn fool too.

It could’ve been minutes; it could’ve been hours; you weren’t sure how much time had passed but eventually you made it upstairs and in a bedroom. You felt numb, body on autopilot as you undressed and regarded yourself in the vanity mirror. Steam filled the bathroom, swirling around you as you took in the state you had been left in, gutted.

The hits he had thrown at you weren’t physical, but you could feel them coloring your skin, tightening it around your ribcage, your knuckles, your temples. Weakening you beyond anything someone else could manage to do. Your eyes stung, dried out from the tears before you managed to detangle yourself from the pack and get up off the heap you had made on the ground down in the living room.

Hot water cascaded down your body, hurting when it made contact with the back of your neck, burning your skin pink. You choked on a sudden sob, bursting from your chest as you had the fleeting, naïve thought of sharing a shower with the man who had made it his mission to tear you apart.

Instead of sharing in your body in this way, he had taken chunks of it for himself with his teeth. Carrying you around with him as the blood stained around his biting mouth and underneath his clawing nails. Not in the way you had wanted, not in the way of a bruise sucked into his neck or scratches down his back, the phantom feeling of you wrapped around him or phantom whines in his ear. But this far more sinister way, where you got nothing in return.

The bed was a freezing contrast when you collapsed into it, though sleep didn’t come.

previous chapter || next chapter

dividers by the lovely @saradika-graphics

taglist: (trying to link everyone who's asked) @sawymredfox @narcissa-anastasia @ayamenimthiriel @rosaaeles @littlemisspascal @oscarissac2099

[epithetz]

life series -charic genders;;

c!grian ::

(c!) badboygriancharic

a gender related to (c!) bad boy!grian from limited life smp, it could be because you feel connected to bad boy!grian, could be a kin reason, etc.

——————

c!joel ::

(c!) badboyjoelcharic

a gender related to (c!) bad boy!joel from limited life smp, it could be because you feel connected to bad boy!joel, could be a kin reason, etc.

——————

c!pearl ::

(c!) 5ampearlcharic

a gender related to (c!) 5am!pearl from double life smp, it could be because you feel connected to 5am!pearl, could be a kin reason, etc.

——————

all genders are coined by me!, you don’t need any credit to use,,

note:: all genders are of the c! / characters of the mcyts, not of mcyts themself

[pedropascallme]

The Good, the Bad, and the Better

Pairing: gunslinger!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: "You stretched your legs when you got off the train, wondering how so much sitting could make your joints so sore. You had one bag, which was, truthfully, more than enough. You fit your entire life into the handheld leather case, and it felt both freeing and deeply, deeply woeful."

Content: Mentions of death, uuuh US cholera epidemic? gnc!Ellie because I said so. That's all for now. If I missed anything please let me know!

AN: hi I’m trying something new….felt the need to get Joel involved with a sexy lil cowboy AU. Full disclosure this was inspired by @qwimchii and the AMAZING gunslinger!ghost series she’s been writing (go support her work!!). Lmk if you guys want more of this in the future, I have….plans….for this story, to say the least, so treat it as an intro of sorts?

Jefferson Territory (Colorado), September 1847

The executor of your father’s will wore small bifocals, perched gently on the bridge of his nose. You bounced your leg, perhaps unladylike, but it was all you could do to steady your mind in the tight office that smelled of wood and purified alcohol.

You clutched your handkerchief to your chest, fresh out of tears to wring from your eyes and waiting to get the bequeathing over with. With breaths so deep they threatened the lace of your corset, you were able to look up at the executor, who had been kind enough to wait for you to give him the ok to continue.

“Alright, miss?” His voice was nasal, but not condescending. You nodded. “To my daughter, my only child and carrier of my good name, I leave my land in Texas; doing so in the hopes that she will live out her life there, with kin.”

The man stopped reading and looked up at you. That was all he had for you.

You hadn’t been expecting any more. Hadn’t even considered you would be getting any land—an unmarried woman with land, though, was sure to catch the attention of a gentleman, and you’re sure that your father had known that.

“Thank you.” You mumbled to the man, dry lips cracking under the moisture of the tears you had licked up. “Am I meant to sign anything?”

“No, miss.” He seemed sorry for you, and you felt a flare of anger at him in that moment; you were sick of hearing people speak to you so slow and soft, as if the weight of their words would knock you down and bury you along with your parents.

It hadn’t even been one year since the death of your dear mother, the woman who had brought you up like a proper lady, who had taught you your prayers, and the proper way to tie your hair up so that God would smile upon you along with the sweet church-going boy on the ranch next to your own home. Your family had been naïve in thinking that the cholera outbreak wouldn’t reach them in the west. When word first spread in the papers, it was a small number of people in the City of New York; your father was quick to dismiss the cases as God’s wrath upon those who didn’t appreciate the frontier, too busy with their fancy jobs and big-city values to go to church. But your mother fell ill that summer, vomiting and lethargic, and it wasn’t long until you watched the priest say his prayers over her coffin.

You admired your father’s will to keep going, until you didn’t. He kept busy, and you thought he would work himself to death—maybe that’s why he seemed so calm when he got sick, compared to the panic your mother had in her eyes in the days before she died; he knew he wouldn’t be on the mortal plane much longer, soul too deeply intertwined with your mother’s and ready to go where she went even in death.  

So here you sat, in the same mourning clothes you had worn for the past 11 months, listening to this law man explain that he would be taking care of any other business that had to do with your father’s measly estate. You thanked him, giving him a polite curtsey before you exited his office and found your way back onto the street.

You didn’t have much left in Jefferson Territory. You made the short walk back to your family’s home with your head down, ignoring the coaches that passed on their routes and the women who spoke in hushed tones when they saw you walking all by your lonesome. "Poor thing", “just a girl,” “should have been married off sooner.” You wanted to bite back at them, tell them you’d rather die along with your parents than ever abandon your family and run off with some boy just to mother ungrateful children who would in turn run off themselves. You were happy, at least, that your parents had died in your presence; you couldn’t imagine the suffering had you been gone from their home, the pain after being there with them when they took their last breaths was bad enough.

You walked through the door of the house, careful to close the door and lock it how your mother always told you—even without her present, you knew she would appreciate the little things. You appreciated them, too, now, more than you had ever thought you would.

“Auntie?” You called out to your father’s sister, hearing a bustle in the kitchen and smiling for the first time that day; your aunt was a wild woman, never married and never sitting. Her kindness was perhaps the only thing that motivated you to wake up every morning without your parents. You found her kneading dough, moving her whole body over the clay-like clump with a force, upper half covered with flour. “Auntie.”

She turned, noticing you for the first time since you arrived back home. “Welcome home, little one!” She greeted you, and you watched her run a hand over her forehead to combat the sweat running over her eyes, leaving a trail of flour over her brow. “You doing alright?” She turned back to her ball of dough, leaning an elbow into it, anticipating your answer.

You just sighed, pulling up a chair close to her and studying her movements, unsure of how to tell her just how alright you were; it was like you had no emotions left, your heart a husk keeping your body moving with nowhere to go. Not nowhere, maybe.

“I got land in Texas.” You were quiet, and her movements stalled.

“Texas?” She quirked a brow and slapped her hands together, sending flour to stray over her apronless front. “Who got you land in Texas?”

“Papa.”

“Your daddy had land down there?”

You shrugged, “That’s what the lawyer said. Said it’s all mine, now.” You hadn’t yet absorbed the news, unsure of what to do with yourself or your earnings.

“War’s bad, little one,” your aunt huffed, not angrily, but with a concerned look spread over her face, “not much use with Texan land until Mr. Polk can figure out how to appease the folks down south.” You nodded, aware of the conflict and uneager to get anywhere near it. “Still…” Your aunt looked at you now, the black fabric of your dress bunched up over your knees with the specks of white dust she had covered you with.

“Still?” You questioned, feeling a wave of anxiety cross you.

“…Nothing left for you here.” She spoke quietly, barely above a whisper, looking you dead in the eyes.

“You’re here!” You felt trapped, scared, but mostly confused. She of all people would be the only one to condone such an outlandish notion—dropping everything and running off to a war-torn territory away from everything you ever knew—but you had hoped she would appeal to her more realistic side in this particular matter and tell you to forget the whole thing before dinner.

“I’m not staying, little one,” her eyes were pleading, “got my own life, got people in other places to look after.”

You felt tears well in your eyes, appalled that you had any water left in your body to cry out today. “I don’t want to leave…I don’t want you to leave.” You felt yourself begin to cry again.

“I’ll never leave you,” she whispered, the ghost of a smile on her lips, “but I can’t stay in Jefferson Territory…got plans back east.”

“East?” You practically yelled it, offended that she would leave the life your extended family had built in Jefferson Territory despite the unease that churned in your stomach whenever you thought of living out your own life in the same spot you'd known since you could toddle.

“East.” She was calm, balancing your abject terror. “I’m sure you’ve noticed I’m not exactly cut out for…roughin’ it.” She emphasized the last words, using the accent your father had worn so proudly. “I got friends in New York—going out to be with them…it’s safer there, easier.”

You were enraged; the one final person you trusted was abandoning you for a life you couldn’t ever imagine. It was safe here, you were safe here—with her, and your mother, and your father. “Well, I’m sorry I’m not a big city fool like you!” You felt yourself tremble, “I’m sorry you’d rather have it easy than live the life God gave you!” You were seeing red, standing now to lord yourself over her and make her seem as small as you felt. It didn’t work, and she looked at you now like everybody else did—full of pity.

She let you cry, sobs taking over your body and forcing hiccups up your throat. You shouldn’t be mad at her, you realized, couldn’t be mad at her; she was a grown woman, with wants and needs, and maybe someday you would be, too.

“Take me with you.” You pleaded through sniffles, wiping your nose on your sleeve in a move that your mother would have tutted you for. Your aunt stayed silent, placing a hand on your head to smooth over the hair that had come undone in your rage.

“I would,” she explained, “but I don't think you...I don't think you'd enjoy it any more than you enjoy it here. Not now, at least. Not yet." The pity in her eyes faded to reveal the compassion she had for you, and you nodded into her chest when she pulled you into her, acknowledging the truth she had spoken. You wouldn’t know up from down in a place like New York; too many people, too much smoke and noise. You let her hold you for as long as she would, soothed by the hand she combed through your hair and the way her heartbeat thrummed in your ear. Maybe someday.

“We’ll get you a train ticket,” she murmured above you, chin resting on the crown of your head, “I know a fella in Texas—real gentleman, cross my heart—and I know he’ll have a place for you away from all the ruckus.”

“Cross your heart?” You asked her to promise once more.

“Cross my heart, little one.”

~~~

Texas, October 1847

You stretched your legs when you got off the train, wondering how so much sitting could make your joints so sore. You had one bag, which was, truthfully, more than enough. You fit your entire life into the handheld leather case, and it felt both freeing and deeply, deeply woeful.

Your aunt had arranged for her associates (her words) to pick you up, show you around, and help you to your new home, but she hadn’t given you much of a description; you had no idea who you were looking for, or what they might look like. All she had done was give you a name. You felt small, already sweltering in the Texan heat and feeling out of place in your black mourning gown. Maybe it would be ok, given the circumstances, to forego the entire outfit, and simply wear a veil, but you felt that the only thing grounding you was the way you were dressed, the reminder of why you were here in this dusty sand-and-brick station.

You looked around, not minding the jostling of the people passing you to get to where they needed to go. You tried to identify anybody that might look as if they were waiting on a lonesome orphan, but all you saw was a pool of sweaty businessmen and women in large hats.

Attempting to find a map to get the lay of the land, you turned a corner, and collided into the chest of a tan man with long black hair and a hint of a mustache.

“I’m terribly sorry—” You felt yourself go bright red, already a nuisance and you hadn’t been in Texas for all of ten minutes.

“Woah, there,” the stranger tipped his hat down to you, offering a wink and a toothy grin, “no harm done, ma’am.” He patted down the front of his vest, smoothing out any wrinkles that remained from the collision. “Y’look lost.”

“I am lost,” you straightened your posture, trying not to seem so inconsequential compared to those around you, “Um—I’m looking for…Mr. Joel Miller?”

The man in front of you laughed, and he flashed the same toothy grin again. His laugh came from his stomach, and you watched him take his hat off to fan himself after he calmed down.

“Found her, El!” He called over his shoulder and a shorter, much younger boy appeared; he was wearing the same style of hat but was much paler than the man who had yet to introduce himself. His clothing gave away how young he was—that, and he was shorter than you, with a babyface and nary a whisker on his chin. He looked almost feminine up close, and was clearly quite a few years your junior.

“Oh, I’m sorry—you’re Mr. Miller?” You closed the confused ‘o’ of your mouth to form the question.

“No, no no no—I’m Tommy Miller,” he put his hat back on, “Joel’s my brother.” You nodded, trying to appear as though you understood the series of events that were taking place in front of you. What an odd introduction to the people whose care you were in. You had never questioned the company your aunt kept—she had her life, and you had your own, much more conservative one. Still, you began to think that these men had just as little an idea as to what you were doing here as you did. “’N you’re Tess’s girl.”

“I’m her niece,” you clarified, “my parents are dead.” You winced when the words came out, unsure of why you felt the need to share that with a man you had just met. Surely he must have been aware by now, and if he wasn’t, why would he care?

Tommy let out a low whistle in lieu of an apology. “Best get you goin’ then, girly.” He turned on his heel, encouraging you to hurry after him through the crowds. El grabbed your sleeve in a manner that, although gruff, was clearly meant as reassurance.

“Mine are, too,” he spoke softly, and his voice was similarly feminine to his face. When you gave an inquisitory glance at him, he continued, “My parents. They’re dead, too.”

“Oh,” you tried to think of a way to make the subject more lighthearted, aware of how tiring it got to hear constant apologies for something out of everybody’s control, “so you’re not—”

You didn’t even have to finish your sentence; El had anticipated your question from miles off. “Do we look related?”

“Well…no…” You muttered, embarrassed by how obvious the answer was.

“They’re like…well,” the younger boy mulled over everything he could say, but instead placed his arm in yours and laughed, “you’ll see.”

~~~

The ride back to the Miller’s land was long and bumpy—or maybe it just felt that way with Tommy looking back on you and El to ask various questions and soothe any anxieties, though it wasn’t as much help as he had thought it was. You taught El cat’s cradle with a string you had found in the cart, and it amused you for long enough before you switched to cards instead. El was shocked to hear you didn’t know how to play poker, and tried to teach you blackjack before Tommy reprimanded him for trying to corrupt you; you opted for go fish instead.

The cart came to a short stop in front of a rundown shack. There was a horse tied to a post with three feed bags in front of it—the extra two, you assumed, belonged to the two horses pulling the cart you were in.

Tommy helped you down, and you were careful to pat down the front of your dress when your feet touched the ground, not wanting to look unkept in front of new company. El jumped down behind you, making quick strides towards the door of the cabin. You and Tommy followed suit, with the older man taking your arm to lead the way.

When the door opened, El swore. “Jesus H., Joel!” he jumped backwards when a large figure stepped over the threshold and onto the dirt outside, “Scared the hell out of me!”

“Language, young lady.” The man in the doorway was tall, with a chest and shoulders to match his height. He was older than Tommy, and had the salt in his beard and dark hair to show for it. He wore the same hat, but didn’t have a full outfit on, with only the pants of a gentlemen to go with his undershirt and heavy boots.

So this was Joel Miller.

You were so focused on the new addition to the group that you almost didn’t catch what he had said to El—“young lady.” Tommy, still holding your arm, sensed your confusion.

“Well, cover’s blown,” he laughed, and El rolled his eyes. Taking off his hat, you watched thin, curly locks of hair come down to frame his face, and when you looked under the dirt and grime that coated his skin, you saw a little girl.

“El’s short for Ellie,” El laughed, tossing the hat in the air and catching it before walking past Joel to go inside.

You were almost more confused now than you had been.

“Little girl living with two grown men, wearing men’s clothes?” Tommy read the look on your face, trying to offer an explanation, “she’s a natural at bein’ a boy—‘n it draws less questions.” You nodded.

Joel continued to stare at you, and you couldn’t help but feel exposed to him despite your body being covered in the modest dress you had on. He was riddled in scars, and his tan skin flexed under his white undershirt; he looked so masculine, and it frightened and excited you in a way you decided to repress. He strolled over to you, taking slow steps and examining you with dark eyes that looked like honey under the Texan sun. He stopped in front of you, and you let go of Tommy's arm to curtsy, unsure of what else to do under his gaze.

“You’re Tess’s girl.” He said it with more confidence than Tommy had when he found you. Joel didn't bother returning the friendly gestures of introduction you had extended, shifting his weight on his heels and letting his eyes drag over your face.

“I’m her niece.” You clarified as you had at the train station.

“I know, darlin’.” He smirked down at you, and the way it was painted on his face made him look almost predatory. You offered a weak smile in return, hoping he would mistake the blush creeping up your face as a sunburn. He grunted something that sounded like approval.

Joel turned around and walked in after Ellie, leaving you with Tommy.

“Don’t worry,” Tommy took your arm once more, “he’s like that with everyone.”

You didn’t know if you liked that.

[oonajaeadira]

For the Love of Fic: August 21

Now that the busytimes are over, I just desperately wanted to get back to the fic world. And I may have binged a little. No punishments plz. I have a lot of catching up to do.

Also dang, there's a lot of Jack this time around. There must be whiskey in the water...

🪐 = Year of Themed Creation fic

.

JOEL MILLER

Kindred Spirits by @all-the-things-2020 🪐 It's Anne of Green Gables, but with Ellie and Joel. Really, y'all, this one caught me in my chest and had me tearing up more than once watching Joel come back to life for the love of a new daughter. My heart!!!!!

Surrender Chapter 10 and Chapter 11 by @ezrasbirdie So now we've gotten to the end of Kin and I'm still tense about Joel and Ellie even if I understand that their story will lead them back to Jackson. But now I'm just worried about Daisy. She's so vulnerable, so convinced that love is an accident or will always be so fragile and fleeting, I'm so afraid she'll run from it before she has a chance for it to really sink in. I just want to smoosh her and never let her go.

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EZRA

Taking Root by @the-blind-assassin-12 This short story takes place in an existing Ezra storyline, but you don't need to know that series to appreciate this fluffy bit of lovely, heartwarming give and take between Ezra and Cee as they make a gift for someone they love and care for.

E is for Exhibition by @butchmandalorian 🪐 Pro dom!Ezra is back, my beloved, and this time it's sex in a movie theater. He is such a menace and loves his work so much. I really wish the man was real. I am not a BDSM girl, but there's just something about butchmandalorian's Ez that gets me in all the right places.

Kinktober in June: Focus by @leslie-lyman Holy balls, y'all. This is mesmerizing in every single sense of the word: a little hypno-kink will do ya. Even without his arm and his humanity, Ezra still has many skills. The ability to manipulate and get what he wants. A silken voice. Patience. And apparently, that's all you need too.

E. - "Are you sure you're ready for this?" by @missredherring A drabbled writing exercise wherein Miss Red takes the prompt out of the smut box and into a softer place. Which is totally my jam.

Miles and Time by @never--doubt 🪐 Have I said yet how much I love Ezra? Or soulmates? I've never seen this mechanic before--the one where you have numbers on your wrist counting down the distance between soulmates. I love it. There's a lifetime of angst, but man, Ezra's worth the wait.

.

JACK DANIELS

Draft Release: Dial Up the Jack, Dim the Whiskey by @artemiseamoon 🪐 You know, I had the same reaction to Jack that OFC Bria does here. Initially, I thought he was ridiculous and full of ego, not worth losing my heart to. But she gets to see the Jack that's deep down inside that Whiskey persona and...well...never say never.

untitled by @brandyllyn Hi would you like to be punched in the heart with just 600 words? Why don't you read what happens when Jack comes back from taking another bullet to the skull? I feel like this could be the prologue to a story that could end up so so sweet...but damn, that last sentence is a doozy.

Saying I Love You With Flowers by @songsformonkeys 🪐 I'm not really a flower person myself, but if I was getting them from y crush constantly, I could be converted real fast. Is there anything as lovely as when Jack's both a scamp and a gentleman all at once? He's the master at it and I am a puddle at his feet.

How Wrong You Are by @haylzcyon A short and sweet piece wherein Jack professes his care in the aftermath of a sketchy getaway. Haylz is never over-saccharine, but hits all the notes just right, just like a damn fine Whiskey indeed.

Bangathon: Position: Kneeling Reach Around (with Marcus Pike) and Position: 69 by @prolix-yuy My goodness, LJ is great at the smut and I love how she writes Jack. He's a confident lover, putting the object of his affection exactly where he needs them...and where they will soon understand they need to be. He may go after what he wants, but he never pushes too hard and always makes sure it's what they really want. I would 100% want to be in this man's mustachio'ed embrace. Yee-effin-haw.

.

JAVI GUTIERREZ

Music Box: Prologue by @beecastle Aw yeah, we're getting Little Mermaid AU! This is a quick prologue setting us up for wanting more--both in terms of story AND in terms of the reader character wanting to learn more about humans. I'm hoping there's a certain sweet human in her eyeline soon....

To Your Rescue by @flightlessangelwings 🪐 Oh to be in the employ of Javi Gutierrez. To have his attention, his yearning looks, his protection. Really, my favorite thing would be to fall asleep watching movies with him...and you'll get that here too.

Litha by @grogusmum 🪐 Javi and his beekeeper girl are sweet as honey and I'm not gonna shy away from saying so. I love that he appreciates her taking an interest in his hobbies and family celebrations and shows that he cares for her interests by helping her celebrate a sweet Midsummers!

.

MARCUS MORENO

Taste by @@radiowallet I generally don't read Marcus but I will always ALWAYS make an enthusiastic exception for Cat's Marcus. He is a true hero, both sweet and confident, pulled so ardently by his needs but really getting off on saving the day for you. And, of course, there's Cat's style of writing which is song in itself. If anyone can make me fall in love with period sex, it's her, it's Marcus, it's this sweetly smutty fic in all its soft, yearning glory.

.

TIM ROCKFORD

First Mistake by @hopeamarsu 🪐 I am really delighted by this little character study. Hopes took what we see in the trailer and turned it inward, focusing on Tim's physical sensations and trains of thought. The way he registers the take-out he's eating, how he craves the whiskey in his desk drawer, his frustration as he looks at the clue board trying to make that crucial connection. It's a beautiful little piece, simple and yet full of so much.

.

PERO TOVAR

untitled by @writeforfandoms I am such a sucker for Jen's modern-not-modern Pero. He is learning, but still such a menace and a hedonist that I can't help but giggle at him and adore him in equal measure. I love when his puppydog nature rears its head like it does here as he tries to keep his reader all to himself on a nice picnicy day...

.

JAVIER PEÑA

The Third Date by @lowlights What Laura has done here is pretty much described my perfect third date with Javier. I mean, it's Javi being soft, giving his attentions, doing soft naughty things in public. But even more than that, it's tacos, y'all. Sign me up.

.

DIN DJARIN

Year of Small Joys: Stargazing by @keldabe-kriff 🪐 I love that Lyr is focusing on small joys. It's totally my jam to see my favorite characters just having a moment of peace or happiness, just to see their reaction to something I find lovely or to hear their thoughts about something I'd never stopped to notice. This time it's Din and stars, which really should be old hat for him. But he still finds a beauty in stargazing...

.

OBERYN MARTELL

2023 Summer Kiss Prompt #8: Oberyn Martell - Apology Kiss / Jealous Kissing by @something-tofightfor I might be living for this modern AU playboy Oberyn and his proclivity to be vulnerable in my presence, to open up and be real when hurt feelings are on the line. He did wrong, but I think he'll make up for it, and boy howdy do I want to be on the receiving end of that.

.

SPECIAL GUEST CORNER

OBI-WAN KENOBI

A Chance Taken by @ghostofskywalker 🪐 I know that Obi-Wan has his duty, but wouldn't it be nice if he always harbored feelings and had plans to settle after the war? This one is living that dream....I wants it.

.

BOROMIR

The Advice of Hobbits by @ironmandeficiency I mean, nobody should take advice from Merry and Pippin. And so it goes without saying that nobody should take love advice from Merry and Pippin. Ever. Poor Boromir. But I'm not gonna lie. The results are pretty cute.

[sundaesilly]

❝I've got a deal with destiny,❞

Sadly I am MUCH too sleepy right now to do any sort of intro myself, so Im using a template from emoji combos dot com <3

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉

╰─ ♡ about me ★ ˎˊ˗

୨୧┇I go by MANY names, but I prefer my kin names over my real ones! My two real names are Lillia and Belial, but on this account, I also go by Shadow, Lizzie, Liz, and Elizabeth (for jokes) :3

୨୧┇This does mean I've got about 5 people calling me different kin names, but I'll respond the same, and it's interesting to see who different individuals associate me with more!

୨୧┇I also allow people to call me by certain titles, if they truly wish to endulge me,, /silly these include Princess and Queen of Shadows, and anything else you can think of <3

୨୧┇I'm multigender, and I don't mind any pronouns at all! He, they, she, xe,,, that’s just how every it gets,, /silly

୨୧┇I'm 15, which makes me a MINOR!! OOOOooOOoo!!! This doesn't mean adults can't follow and/or interact with me, I just prefer that adults don't act weird or funky around me!

୨୧┇ I AM DOUBLES FRIENDLY!!!!!!! I TRULY DON'T MIND AT ALL!!!!! COME AT ME!!!! /POS

୨୧┇ This is a sideblog! My main blog can be found at @virtue1nvain, and my kinhelp blog is @kinhelp-permitoffice !

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉

╰─ ♡ my favourites..!

୨୧┇My favourite colour is MAROON!!

୨୧┇My favourite animals are SEALS!!

୨୧┇My favourite song... I don't have one?

୨୧┇My favourite anime is Little Witch Academia!

୨୧┇My favourite game is Minecraft!

﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉୨♡୧﹉﹉﹉﹉﹉

╰─ ♡ interests & more!

୨୧┇I like Jujutsu Kaisen, Pokemon, Hermitcraft, the life series, empiresSMP, Bungo Stray Dogs, Disney: Twisted Wonderland, SONIC THE HEDGEHOG!!, Phighting!, homestuck, the owl house, gravity falls, splatoon, dungeon meshi, regretevator, lego monkie kid, and genshin impact + honkai star rail (I am mihoyo/hoyoverse critical!)

୨୧┇I dislike onions, tomatoes, onions, the smell of most flowers (they either smell of nothing or piss??(minus buddleia, my favourite, which smells of honey)), sour sweets, onions, the specific shade of #19BDFF blue and adjacent, did I mention onions?

୨୧┇My birthday is the 19TH OF JULY!

୨୧┇My timezone is GMT, as I'm from England!

୨୧┇My dm's are open, at all times!

୨୧┇I'm currently looking for anyone who's,, well, looking for me! From any source! While I don't have memories, I know what connections I've had throughout my lives and whatnot, I know what feels right, so I want to get in contact with anyone! From Empires to Au's, the life series or noncanon events, I don’t mind! Please please please please please plea

୨୧┇if anyone needs to be mentioned specifically to give them that little push to interact,,, I am particularly fond of Ren's, Jimmy's, Scar's and Joel's for VERY obvious reasons jfjdjdjj

Tag guide!

#marine moanings - a vent-ish tag? Please block this if you don’t want to hear me whine and yearn about random things!

#to the bambunker! - a tag for answering asks and talking with moots!

#mers murmuring - rant and talking tag! Basically when im talking about random thing

#fairyforts favourites - tag for art!

Trying to think if I've missed anything is HARD,, if you want more info on me, don't be afraid to send an ask!

❝a bargain with fate!❞

[fictionkinfessions]

Ohohoho. Canon drug games... I think it's easier to ask what canons I didn't take drugs /hj. Let's go down the list.

RAT , Content SMP - Fuckin Endust... I took things before then. A couple times, because I never quite learned my lesson. Never had any good trips though, so that was quite stupid on my side. But mostly, I remember Endust and how bad that went, probably because it was actually shown in source.

Emizel Tucker , Just Roll With It : The Suckening - Yeah. I got no comment here. I smoked and drank, simple as that. I stopped doing after I turned, of course, but I used too. Sometimes when me and the other Demons were together, we'd fuck around and find out. Simple as that. Across the board of different things we'd take. I know some were pretty hard fucking drugs. I don't. recall the name of em now, but some had effects that lasted for days. Weeks, even. But I most definitely got hella high with Soda many, many times.

Rolan Deep , Just Roll With It : Blood in the Bayou - I both smoked a few times and was an alcoholic. I more so smoked back in highschool, which is why Kian and Rand gave me so much shit about being so "against" drugs. In terms of highschool, I could not hold a high and greened out. Alot. I could drink anyone in the friend group under the table though, so that's fun.

Dream SMP - I'm just gonna group all of the together. I am atleast 7 different people from this series, and including multiple TLs and canons and other sources, I can't confidently say there's a kin that I didn't take something. Dream and Phil are probably the best I have for taking nothing. But that's a big if. I don't know if I took things as RFTS! Fundy, since. Memory issues. I took drugs as Tommy, Wilbur, Fundy, and Tubbo, and was a massive alcoholic for a while in my main Tubbo canon. I did smoke a few times in my main Sapnap TL. Drugs were very prominent in this source.

Grian , Yandere High School / Tokyo Soul , EVO SMP - I am. Grian from more sources, but in simple terms, YHS / TS, I was high as fuck sometimes. Oh, I drank as well, and probably took a plethora of drugs I don't know at all, but I smoked so much fuckin weed. That whole school did. The teachers too. I think YHS was worse that TS in that regard, since. well. they actually gave more of a shit at TS. I carried into EVO a bit but stopped before Hermitcraft. So, there's that.

Joel , Hermitcraft - I have no comment here. I put HC, but it was actually in my Hardcore server. I guess I did a bit in HC, but eh. Mostly in the Hardcore world, and a few times in DL, because me and Eefo wanted to test something out. 10/10, enjoyed. Would do again.

Dabi , My Hero Academia - Once or twice. I had cigs a lot, if that counts for anything. My body was already dying, might as well have fun with it. I don't think I did more than that? I may have gotten high with Twice once or twice though, I'm not sure. In my main canon atleast, I got high several times in another canon. Oh god, did I get high then.

Midoriya Izuku , My Hero Academia - I have several TLs / canons where I did things down the board for a long, long time. I have some that I don't think I was ever sober, and some where I never touched anything a day in my life. Really just depends.

And. I don't think there's more? There might be, but I'm not sure off the top of my head. Just. these are for sure ones where I took something atleast once. Which. is less that I expected. Fully expected to have confidence in taking stuff in more canons, but this is probably still a lot lol.

[westeroswisdom]

Previously we featured a post about Nikolaj Coster-Waldau having a leading role in the upcoming historical series King and Conqueror.

Now comes news that Nikolaj won't be the only Game of Thrones alum in that series about William of Normandy's big move in 1066.

CBS Studios and the BBC’s period drama series “King & Conqueror” has revealed additional cast members, including “The Crown’s” Luther Ford and “Game of Thrones” actor Joseph Mawle, as it begins production in Iceland. [ ... ] They join the previously announced James Norton as Harold, Earl of Wessex; Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as William, Duke of Normandy; Emily Beecham as Edith Swan-neck, Harold of Wessex’s wife; and Clémence Poésy as Matilda, William of Normandy’s wife. [ ... ] Mawle, who also has a role in “The Rings of Power,” will play Fitzosbern, William’s protector since he was a boy and the closest thing he has to a friend. A grounded and straightforward soldier who has stood beside William his whole life. 

Joseph Mawle portrayed Benjen Stark who disappeared during Season 1 but returned in later seasons to come to the rescue of kin.

Benjen Stark and Jaime Lannister may have rubbed elbows when King Robert Baratheon visited Winterfell with his large entourage. But I can't recall, offhand, any interactions between the two.

This is not the first time that two GoT alums will appear together in another series. For example: Kristian Nairn (Hodor) and Joel Fry (Hizdahr zo Loraq) both appeared in Our Flag Means Death.

[kintelephone]

Hi, Lizzie/Ldshadowlady kin here ! Figured I'd send a call with the new life series being out and everything

Im 18 and I'm mainly from the life series, I suppose, but really I'm not from a specific smp and just kind of existed in all of them

Specifically right now I'm looking for my life series pals though

Bit non-canon because I was in all the life series except third life

I was a fae type creature, sorta cryptid ish, and had pink and black bird wings that I could make disappear

I'm looking for anyone but just as a head up I had a romantic relationship with Joel, Cleo, and Etho, Etho was also transfem to some degree and I had a qpr with Mumbo

And Jimmy was my brother (we may have also been related to Grian and Pearl)

<3

[canoncallings]

hello,, I kin jimmy solidarity from the life series and empires both seasons. I'm mainly looking for scott, tango, martyn, joel, lizzie, and oli but talking to anyone would be lovely!

you can contact me at @august-kins and I'll message you as soon as I see it! ^_^

good luck!!!

[the-magnus-archives-institute]

Hello! We've decided to go ahead and make a TMA kin/fictive sideblog since the tag is mostly dead. We also participate in Popculture Paganism, specifically geared towards our source. Here's a list of everyone you'll see and their tags on the blog!

Jonathan Sims - Statement recorder, avatar of the Eye and the Web.

He/him

"See the sun the shadows cast, from all the times I floated past, see the ocean spinning out, with all the hope and all the doubt"

#the archivist

Michael Shelley/ The Distortion - :) I am perfectly safe and harmless these doors are perfectly normal :)

He/they/it/none

"See how I circle, imaginary mind, imaginary lines, let the maze of my design carry you on. See how I fly away (away, away, away, away)"

#the distortion

Gerry Keay- I'm the distortion's special little guy he picks up like a ferret :] Desolation avatar, "The fire that consumes"

He/him

"The crow offers me a smoke. He says, "It'll take you for a joyride.""

#gerry

Melanie King - founder of the Blind Bitches Club

She/hxr/they

"I have nothing to say to you."

#melanie

NotThem - a NotThem that sometimes takes the shape of others. Currently Pamela

All pronouns

"I am the mockery of a memory"

#notthem

Martin - headmate whose fictionkin of a vast avatar Martin.

He/they/sky

"For our bones in the ocean forever will be"

#martin

Pamela - also referred to as Hive, Corruption avatar Chonny Jash fictive.

He/him

"This life did not choose us. It chose to consume us"

#the hive

Flurry - Vast/Lonely avatar Ghostbur fictive with a connection to the archives

He/her

"Cold and winter air and mountain rain combining"

#the frost

Helen Distortion/Richardson - :)

She/her

"Little miss, this isn't the deal we had!' Oh, did I mess it up? Well, then, that's just too bad!"

#helen

Nikola Orsinov - The ringmaster of the Circus!

It/he/they

"She knows you heard her staging music murder!"

#nikola

Sasha - Archivist Sasha who was killed

She/they

NotSasha - The Sasha that replaced her

She/they

Stratus - TMA Heart fictive, avatar of the Lonely

He/it

Nimbus - TMA Mind fictive, avatar of the Dark

He/it

Noctilucent - TMA Soul fictive, avatar of the Buried

He/xem

Joel - Smallishbeans Life series fictive who kins Tim

He/him

Annus - Unus Annus fictive, associated with the End

He/hxm

[minorkincalls]

hihi ^_^ I'm 17 and I'm kin with jimmy solidarity from life series and empires smp. I'm looking for anyone but finding people like scott, joel, martyn, tango, grian, lizzie, or oli would be AMAZING !!

you can contact me at @august-kins :D

h

[poets-tryna-write]

Hey, I'm Donovan or Rain, but masc kin names are okay too. He/him

Asks are open for whatever! I accept memory questions or really anything.

Life Series Winners- [#my pulse is clear] Sylvester Ashling- [#a bitter boy like him]

Klavier Gavin- [#i'm praying for a guilty break] >Klavier & Apollo [#listen to the wind]

Eustace Winner- [#my own self fulfilled prophecy] >Eustace & Edgeworth [#vintage misery]

Pearl Fey- [#it echoes in your heart]

Trucy Wright- [#smiling in the public eye]

Empires s1 Scott- [#teal just suits me] >Scott & Jimmy [#we snuggle up between the stones]

Life Series Scott- [#I love the taste of his pretty red lipstick] >Scott & Jimmy [#he's mine and he always will be]

Empires s1 Joel- [#what is he building in that painted lady] >Joel & Lizzie- [#my love runs deeper than the ocean]

Life Series/Hermitcraft/X Life/etc. Joel- [#baby its all about me] >Joel & Etho [#we found true love] >Joel & Grian & Jimmy [#listen to iron maiden baby] >Joel & Gem [#the devil made me do it] >Joel & Lizzie [#like a bullet to your brain]

Life Series/Hermitcraft Scar- [#i'm poisonous not toxic] >Scar & Grian [#’til it ceases to beat please be mine] >Scar & Jimmy & Lizzie [#a little birdhouse in your soul]

TTSBC Scar/Hot Guy- [#i'm the king of the street]

Empires Hermes- [#i hold you in my heart]

[sugarcaneo07]

Yes yes I love Timmy with all my heart, he's my big kin but come ON guys the others need some attention!! Grian=good, Scar+ good, Tim=good but also...

Gem, Mumbo, Skizz, Bdubs, Cleo, BigB, Joel, Tango! And, this is my biggest 'they need more attention', PEARL, because holy guacamole this girl is constantly suffering I swear to god. Like LOOK at Double Life, she's tragic! Secret Life? Trying to keep everything put together with her allies then kills her bestie only to be killed by Scar, she's tragic! And my gosh she has so much lore potential. She's silly wolf girl, she's crazy cringe fail, she's girlboss like it or not, she's upside down girl who is probably very very tired when she records these session of the Life Series. More Pearl content fandom, I'm begging. Wow I got really heated there hahah... Point is, you can have you're favorites, and they can be popular characters, but don't just disregard other characters because you prefer one fjchfenehkwjbd

this fandom focuses wayyy too much on grian and scar and Jimmy. quit it!! what about the other sillies! cmon guys, show some love for the rest of em!

.

[prisonguards]

ello just wanted to tell you thank you for fuelling the joel/jimmy/grian brainrot also scardubs everytime I see you talk about any of them I go insane ur so right and amen to you

I know this was sent cause of the S2E26 clips (and maybe the 100 Hours ones..?) I posted but this ask did rlly make me preen cause I feel like I dont... post abt them enough but Im glad my enjoyment of them can still kinda come through LMAO. they are. so dear to me. that 100 Hours ep with the three of them seriously is one of my favorite episodes out of any MCYT series ever

I know Ive been very loud abt smallidarity but gribeans is actually like. way way up high on my fav dynamics lately. I talked about them forever ago in my traffic Joel relationships meta post but their Last Life dynamic is so so fascinating and extending into 100 Hours and now the crossover its so clear how well they get on and what a fun and chaotic team they make. plus. its mine and my partners kins and Im soft for that

and I sometimes feel like I am the last remaining bastion for Jimmy/Grian in this time LMAO. Ill cut out my little discoursy spiel and just get to the good stuff. I like the idea of them like.. growing up with and coming of age around eachother pre-evo and just the kinda deep friendship and understanding that comes from that and the residual bullying/mockery of growing up as guy close friends together. I need to draw it still but I really like the idea of them being eachothers first kiss. just to test it since neither of them liked the other and its easier than fucking it up for the first time with ur crush or whatever. and so they go for a quick peck and are like ewww! no! never again bleugh weird I see like you like that! after audguhd and never speak of it again. and then Last Life and 100 Hours comes around and well... lets say things have advanced a bit. I think the presence of all three of them just changes things a bit and Ill say what I actually mean under the cut later LMAO

they just have such a fun dynamic all together. the way they all click and just fall perfectly in line with their jokes and bits and teasing is such a joy to watch and makes for a really fun dynamic to watch in any setting. I know there must be like a million more clips of them from Jimmys streams and stuff, so if you have any favorites Im always very happy to see them so please send them my way :)

I really think Altricial by Astronomeridian is so essential for these three. um. if you are and adult and like smut that is. but its really everything to me. good characterization within very sexy porn is 👌👌 the best. I dont have many more thoughts to share abt this I just... fic....

[xgrxmreaperx]

Extra info about me! [Pinned]

There's a limit on how many tags you can have on your blog, and I don't wanna make my bio too long, so here's some things about me that aren't mentioned in my bio!

General info:

My ao3 is vampirecats, I take fanfic requests always (either ask me here, or in my oneshots work on ao3!), I like drinking lemon juice and eating lemons is a celebratory self win thing (so yeah, good day if I mention this), I like watching LDShadowlady, Smallishbeans, Seapeekay, Smajor1995/Dangthatsalongname, AugustTheDuck, VoiceyHere, and many more, I enjoy bullying small children on the internet /j, I do gacha since my art straight up sucks (might post some though? maybe?), Minor (8-16 range for a hint ig), and I'm very approachable, totally /j (I don't bite, dw LOL)

Ships/OTPs (S1 = Empires season 1, S2 = Empires season 2):

Flower husbands, Jizzie, Diss Track Duo (Joel x fWhip) (S1), fJizzie (Jizzie + fWhip) (S1), Scosage (S1). J(immy)osage (S1), Flower husbands + Sausage (S1), Seapeesound, Nature Wives, J(oel)osage (S2). Grumbo, Mumskall, Team ZIT (sort of?), Polyhermits, GoodTimesWithGrumbo (Scar + Grumbo), and more to be added in the future! (People who are paired a ton are either polyam, multi-shipped, or shipped in different context (like different seasons), most likely polyam)

Fandoms:

Warrior Cats, 3rd Life, Last Life, Double Life, Empires 1 and 2, Hermitcraft, Crazycraft, Cutecraft, Trollcraft, Funcraft, Kingdomcraft, Afterlife SMP, Sims Craft (Yammy, Joey, Scott), Omori, DHMIS, Amphibia, TOH, Genshin Impact (I do not support Hoyoverse), The Music Freaks, Cookie Run: Kingdom, etc! Last three not as strong.

Hobbies:

Writing, Making Tiktoks (edits (gacha and vids), random gacha vids, etc), being weird and strange on Tumblr, Drawing, Being a menace to society, Being lactose intolerant (/hj cause I am lactose intolerant, but it's certainly not a hobby), etc!

Interests:

Minecraft (I'm apart of an SMP, might post abt my lore oc, maybe!), Roblox, Warriors: Untold Tales, WCUE on Roblox, Roleplay (mostly Warrior Cats), etc!

Writing specialties:

Fluff, Angst, and improving fast and well on Smut!

Favorite Characters/Kins (In order of highest to lowest):

Smallishbeans (In most series' of his), Smajor1995 (in most series' of his), Katherine Elizabeth (Empires S1), Joey Graceffa (Empires SMP S2), Mumbo Jumbo, ImpulseSV, BDoubleO100, Rendog, GoodTimesWithScar, Shubble, Seapeekay, TheOrionSound, SUNNY (Omori), HEADSPACE KEL (Omori), Yellow Guy (DHMIS), Anne Boonchuy (Amphibia), Sprig Planter (Amphibia), Polly Planter (Amphibia), etc!

Might add more, but that's it for now! Thanks for stopping by!