#Jiang Cheng Deserves Better and Needs Therapy

[add1ctedt0you]

What's your version of Jiang Cheng Gives Up? *chinhands*

Hiii! My version of jc gives up is very boring: he gives up on wwx and their shared past and moves on.

An overexposure to yunmeng bros reconciliations has brought me to one conclusion: I don't necessarily need them to reconcile. (Not because: 'jc/wwx is so toxic!' or 'jc/wwx deserves better than that selfish asshole!'. Like, I always roll my eyes. They are two horrible human - fictional- beings who deserve each other!).

But imo, post-canon jc has two priorities:

Jin ling

Himself

First point: he needs to be there for jl. Not only politically! But emotionally too. jl is going through a rough time jc too experienced: a loved ones betrayal. jc knows what it does to you. And listen, one of the things I love about jc is how he is trying his best. Always. In particular when it comes to people he loves. ('but he did a lot of things wrong', thank fuck! He is a traumatized character who behaves like a traumatized character. This scene explains so much about jc imo: jc knows that not having an adult in your life who believes in you is shit. So he tries to give space - in his way- to jl, while fighting his urge to protect him, because the last time every one of his family member was on a battlefield, they died.) So yeah, he is going to try being there for jl, in his imperfect way. And that brings me to point two.

jc has to recalibrate himself, to be there for jl: what he thought were truths, are revealed to be lies. All his life was a lie.

That's my favorite jc's speech. It's visceral, it's painfully honest. He is literally saying to us his state of mind: he is feeling guilty, wronged and confused.

'who am I?' hits hard, because who you are when you have built your life on lies?! Should he feel guilty?! wwx has made this huge sacrifice for him, but he has hurt him too: what should he feel?!

So, because I interpret jc as someone who overthinks, I want him to lose his mind over his doubts and start a journey of healing (or, what realistically someone without therapy can manage).

I want him to look at Lotus Pier, his home, and think: 'dang, what I have managed is incredible'. I what him to realize: 'what wwx made for me was an huge sacrifice, but my feelings are valid too'. I want him to be, not happy, but satisfied, when thinking about his life. And I don't need him and wwx to reconcile, because I like the bittersweet taste their broken relationship leaves in his mouth.

So, my jc gives up is: he learns to live with himself and jl, peacefully.

[tidesreach]

i think the issue with cql/mdzs fandom (specifically jiang cheng antis) is that it seems to have a very rigid view on a) what being a good person looks like and b) what trauma looks like, or significantly, what it should look like, and c) the meeting point of the two: what being a good person with trauma should look like. e.g. the way wei wuxian is held up as this sort of shining example of how to be traumatised the right way. so much of this fandom consistently frames wei wuxian as Good Traumatised rather than what he actually is, which is quite simply a person with various trauma responses and trauma-learnt behaviours that he did not choose and that have no actual bearing on his goodness. whereas jiang cheng is condemned as Bad Traumatised when actually he is just a person with different trauma responses and trauma-learnt behaviours that he also did not choose and that also have no actual bearing on his goodness. people categorising the way wei wuxian responds to his trauma as Good and the way jiang cheng responds to it as Bad (or even Evil) is a mindset that is deeply rooted in stigma whether you realise it or not.

like, i don't interact with jc antis if i can help it. which, yeah, is because i have no interest in reading endless hate posts. but i also steer clear predominantly because as someone with a heavily stigmatised mental illness a lot of the discussion around jiang cheng and the notion that trauma making you angry and hateful = Bad reads as "i support people with mental illness but only the people with symptoms that i personally find palatable" which is very reminiscent of frankly dehumanising real life debates around whether people who display certain symptoms (people like me) are worthy of help (or whether they even can be helped or whether they are just inherently terrible people etc.). and that is a horrible and damaging thing to read about yourself.

essentially, it all boils down to the wholly problematic idea that there are right and wrong ways to be traumatised—as if (in the absense of therapy and/or medication) you have any choice or control over your own symptoms/trauma responses—and that anything that doesn't fit into the "trauma made me kinder" mold is the wrong way to be traumatised. which is exactly what stigma is and why a lot of people have to fight so hard to get a modicum of help. so much of the language used around jiang cheng's trauma and his emotional responses to that trauma is rooted in real life stigmatising rhetoric that denies people the help they need and deserve because they're not the right type of mentally ill. this mindset that wei wuxian did trauma right and jiang cheng did trauma wrong is based on a made up concept designed to demonise certain mental illnesses.

it's like, there are so many takes which go something like, "well, wei wuxian has trauma too and he didn't do x, y, z." and sure, you're right, he didn't do x, y, z, but he did do a, b, c, if you see what i'm getting at. and arguing that a, b, c, are better responses than x, y, z shows a lack of understanding of the complexity of trauma and the way it can be informed by self-perception or perception other people have of you, i.e. it can become a bit (or a lot) of a self-fulfilling prophecy. because if anything the idea that trauma made wwx kinder oversimplifies the damaging effects it actually had on him. because it also made him reckless and (re)vengeful. it also gave him a messy saviour complex that repeatedly leads to ruin (like, man, when jiang cheng says to wei wuxian in anger, "wei wuxian, do you have a saviour complex?" he reads him very well. he knows him very well. in the same way wei wuxian knows that jiang cheng holds on to too much anger). wei wuxian's trauma is just as messy as jiang cheng's but it manifests in very different ways. different ways, not the right ways. wei wuxian's trauma responses hurt people too and you can acknowledge that. it doesn't make him Bad.

what seems to cause real issue though, is the differences in the way they respond to trauma. what causes real issue is that those differences are indisputably to do with certain symptoms jiang cheng displays being the more stigmatised ones. it's his anger and hatred and volatility. it's his very extreme fear of abandonment and equally extreme efforts to avoid it by furiously protecting what he has left because he cannot bear to lose anything or anyone else. it's his dichotomous thinking that can make him irrational. but those are not evil or wrong trauma responses. they're just trauma responses and they are actually fairly common trauma responses at that. certainly more common than "trauma made me kinder". i don't know who needs to hear this but a person's involuntary emotional responses to trauma are not an indication of whether they are a good person or not. you can struggle with anger and hatred and symptoms considered "less palatable" and still be a good person. trauma does not give "bad" symptoms to bad people and "good" symptoms to good people because there is no such thing as a morally good or a morally bad symptom.

people need to stop letting stigma inform their (mis)understandings of mental health and trauma and try to remember that there are real life people who suffer from the symptoms they are stigmatising and who face barriers every single day because of that stigma.

[bloodiedbeloveds]

🛼 🍬 🧩 (and hugs!)

thank you!!! these are out of order, for reasons, and also in an inconsistent writing style because we're very blurry and too tired to enforce an idiolect

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👨🐺🩸🫀😥

(iirc this one has not yet been discussed on the blog, try to guess what's up with it)

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Any variation on "Eliza deserved better", "Eliza is a cinnamon roll", or "Eliza is the peppy neurotypical therapy friend". Weirdly, asserting that Eliza "deserves better" almost always goes along with not caring about her at all and having no interest in writing her, which is deeply annoying. People who don't care about John simply don't talk about him, which is much less irritating-- people who don't care about Eliza assert that they love her and she deserves all the good things in the world and then never actually think about her. We totally get not being interested in stories about infidelity, but it's actually very possible to write about her suffering in other ways! We do it all the time when we aren't being peer-pressured out of it.

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

we have no idea what opinions are unpopular in this fandom, actually, so here's a grab-bag of Musical Character Thoughts:

people are really into this idea of mulligan as the dad friend based on that one (1) line and you know I just don't see it. we have written him as being slightly more put-together and experienced in the world (read: in ADBT he tells alex to stop being such a fucking asshole), but the guy spends too much of his limited stage time being rambunctious and causing chaos for us to see him as being Actually In General Responsible For These Idiots

i don't get why anyone is invested in ships involving washington at all. sorry! i just don't. (it seems like a large part of it is people having a thing for older men which might explain why we, daddy kinkless, do not at all care. but it's still kind of baffling)

honestly we also do not understand why people like jamilton

[intended to write something judgmental about ways people write laurens that we don't like, but instructions were unclear and we're coming up with a new au instead]

lots of people see alex as having a terrible sleep schedule in the sense of accidentally staying up til two in the morning while getting really into something he's working on. we see him as having a terrible sleep schedule in the sense of going to bed medium-late, waking up medium-early, and ending up with at most six hours of sleep a night every night. he's not that disorganized or distractible, he just refuses to acknowledge the human body has limits

alex is a switch. if you think he can stick to just one sexual script you're wrong, he needs variety and also wants to be good at everything

under the cut we've included some opinions we know for a fact are controversial, but which relate to Mo Dao Zu Shi, a danmei novel you have presumably not read. hopefully you are baffled/entertained by our Very Strong Controversial Opinions and/or concerned that a BL romance novel has this many war crimes

(cw: discussion of torture & cannibalism)

The most infuriating thing we see regularly is people arguing that Jiang Cheng is evil because he tortured people, but Wei Wuxian is perfect and good and has never done anything wrong in his life. Like, did you guys miss the part where Wei Wuxian forced a man to eat his own legs??? That was On Page??? Torturing Demonic Cultivators Makes You Irredeemable But Forcing Someone To Commit Autocannibalism Is Okay????

(Wei Wuxian has killed thousands of people, for the record.)

Similarly: people who like Xue Yang (unhinged murderer) but consider Jin Guangyao (scheming murderer) uniquely horrible and evil are complete hypocrites. This is a book where every major character has done very immoral things! Jin Guangyao isn't uniquely evil just because he's the main antagonist. (We aren't arguing you can't like Xue Yang more-- we ourselves are passionate about Xue Yang but only sort of care about Jin Guangyao-- but acting like Xue Yang is a better person is baffling.)

In fic, it's weirdly common for people to portray the Jiang parents as being cruel only to Wei Wuxian, and to dramatically tone down Jiang Fengmian's favoritism for Wei Wuxian over Jiang Cheng, which is... sure a choice! Every time people write modern AU fic where Wei Wuxian got kicked out of the family and Jiang Cheng & Jiang Yanli's relationship with their parents is tense but not actively damaging, we shed a single tear

So. Many. People. write Lan Wangji as speaking in a weird and ungrammatical fashion, for no reason we can discern. Yes, he's taciturn, but he's also very formal and serious about doing things correctly! We are a firm believer that in English, he would speak in crisp, short, to-the-point sentences and start about half of them with "therefore". (we do have a wip where he has low verbal capabilities, but that's projection).

[fireflyfish]

Hop on the Wen Chao Haterade Express!

Hahah! I hope you weren’t expecting something about Tano and Kenobi right? Because I have thoughts that must be shared with others and you are all my unwilling victims. Can one be a willing victim? 

Episode 17: Wei Wuxian goes to the Ancient China Google School of Medicine

After Episode 16: Running and Crying; Now with Running and Crying In The Rain we left our hero sitting in a boat having an existential crisis because that’s what happens in boats in ancient China. Crises and crying. Nothing good happens in boats in Ancient Fantasy China. Wen Chao was probably born in a boat. 

Wen Ning is flawless and really strong for the local Woobie Badass and carries our 200 lbs of whoopass and Mommy issues to the crisis boat and Wei Wuxian with the promise that everyone back in Lotus Pier is drugged off their asses and will wake up with the same headache I have every morning when I remember the state of the world I’m living in.

There is no ibuprofen that can save you Wen Chao. I hope you suffer you unmitigated twat. I hope you trip on every loose board in Lotus Pier and break all your toes. I hope your hideously tacky and vicious little bloodsucking mosquito of a girlfriend lands face first into a pile of fire ants. I hope... 

Woah... I’m not even sure I hate Palpatine that much. Wow. Fire ants... damn. I need to calm down. 

Eh-hem. So When-Will-His-Face-Make-an-Expression Zhuli is very zen about the whole thing and I just don’t get his character. What is going on? Why is he all :| when he is serving the Wen Clan? He seems so annoyed by Wen Chao, which automatically makes him better than all the other Evil Wens, but he still goes around melting cores and killing Beloved Parental Figures and having respectful dialogue like he’s not the bag man for the WORST heir to a fantasy throne since Game of Thrones. I bet he and Joffrey when to some kind of evil royal boarding school together. Ramsay Bolton was probably there too.

Then we float on a boat of sadness and pick up Yanli, who is understandably sad and say goodbye to an old lady who I think is going to die off screen? Who are you? Where did you come from? Does Jiang Cheng need to avenge you too? 

The boat floats on until it transforms into a cool box carriage thing and My Perfect Son Who Gives Me Echo Vibes smuggles our beleaguered family into the earth kingdom Yiling which hold up! Isn’t that where Wei Wuxian is supposed to be like the Great and Terrible Yiling Patriarch? Where he did such horrible things like make a compass that detects ghosts and cool goth varsity flags that summon ghosts? I feel like this place is important and LOOK AT ALL THE TREES!!! *cries in Central Texan about trees* 

My Other Equally Perfect Son Who Does Not Deserve This Jiang Cheng is sick and feverish and Wei Wuxian decides this is the perfect time to get him a blinging black cape with red accents and I swear I am hearing the Imperial March in the background. The I-Do-Bad-Things-For-Reasons-I-Think-Are-Good-But-Are-Ultimately-Bad-And-My-Light-Side-Boyfriend-Gets-His-Heartbroken-Because-Of-It vibe is very strong.

Anyway, Dr Wen Qing Medicine Woman shows up and looks at her baby brother and understandably gives into that sweet innocent face because Wen Ning Has Done Nothing Wrong In His Life. AND WHY THE HELL IS HE THE GHOST GENERAL?? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PRECIOUS SON WEI WUXIAN??? DO I NEED JIANG CHENG TO STAB YOU AGAIN?

After some ancient Chinese medicine, which looks so much more pleasant than my last visit to the GP, The Radiant Goddess Wen Qing explains that Jiang Cheng has no golden core and that’s clearly bad but it isn’t until Jiang Cheng wakes up and tries to apparently suckerpunch Wei Wuxian with all his spiritual energy that we learn the truth.

Wen Zhuli is a Monster and He Hurt My Precious Child. Madam Yu energy intensifies.

So then Wei Wuxian basically badgers Wen Qing into letting him look at all her medical books and of we go into a studying monologue where time is measured in stubble and plates of uneaten food. Wen Qing is being very patient and gorgeous about the whole thing even though she knows there’s Nothing You Can Do Anakin Wei Wuxian. You Cannot Keep People From Dying Rebuild People’s Golden Cores After The Palm d’Or of Death Smacks Them. 

Then Wei Wuxian makes Yanli cry and he is on my List now because Yanli is Perfect and Flawless and none of you bastards deserve her, except you Wen Ning or possibly Meng Yao WHERE IS HE? HOW DID HE NOT DIE FROM BEING STABBED IN THE CHEST? QUI-GON JINN FELL OVER LIKE A SACK OF BAD POTATOES BUT MENG YAO IS JUST OUT THERE LOOKING FOR WORK WITH A BLEEDING CHEST WOUND?

Then Wei Wuxian mentions Lan Zhan and Yanli tells him “Listen, Asshole. ACheng is Sick and trapped in an acupuncture coma because he won’t sleep, I am ominously coughing and you have HIDEOUS stubble. Your Robot Bunny Boyfriend will just have to wait. We are the A plotline in this story, not your bromance with the reserved and gorgeous nerd in the back of the classroom who knows all the answers because he’s already finished the text book. Focus on my face and my tears you idiot. You made me cry!”

Wei Wuxian understandably feels bad, sleeps, shaves and then goes back to studying after Wen “I am so going to regret this in two episodes” Qing picks up her library and decides that someone with ACTUAL medical experience should be doing some research. 

Also... what is going on with those pots that Yanli and Wen Ning keep fanning? What is in those? Medicine? Ox bone soup? Poison I can give to Wen Chao?

After some more lovely shots of Yiling that REALLY make me want to hire their set designer to build my dream house, Wei Wuxian finds the wooden scroll book “How to Give Your Core To Your Adopted Brother Because You Have SO Much Guilt And Also Your Promised Your Adopted Father Figure You Would Take Care of Him And They Don’t Have Talk Therapy In Fantasy China Yet”. 

There is some dramatic sitting, some dramatic “Hell No I am not doing this” on Wen Qing’s part and lots of “No, really, you have to do this. I am totally okay sacrificing for the Jiangs because it’s REALLY going to make everything hurt so much worse later on when ACheng murders me to death on the edge of a cliff on Mustafar Quishan” 

Wen Qing is probably thinking of all the horrible ways this could go south and is trying to be An Adult when Wen Ning shows up and is pure and good and full of faith and devotion to Wei Wuxian and I think I need to send a clone extraction team to rescue my poor baby boy. 

Unable to withstand the purity of Wen Ning’s smile and because the script says she has to Wen Qing agrees and gives us some ominous stats and Wei Wuxian is cool with that because “It might work and if it doesn’t who cares? Wen Chao is going to show up at any minute to murder us and probably you and Wen Ning and then Lan Zhan will show up with his Guzheng (yes I did have to google that) Of Pretty Magical Death and then we’ll just have to wait for the next episode after that where everybody magically survives except all the people *I* like because that’s how these things go.”

WHEN DOES WEN CHAO DIE? HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO GET FROM LOTUS PIER TO YILING BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IT’S TAKING WAY TOO LONG AND I AM SO VERY WORRIED ABOUT YANLI’S COUGHING. WHAT IS THE STYGIAN TIGER AMULET AND WHEN DO WE GO BACK TO THE FUTURE?? 

WHEN DOES WEN CHAO DIE?????? 

[elvesofnoldor]

.

[lady-of-the-lotus]

It’s not Wei Wuxian’s fault that A-Yuan thinks he’s a rabbit, or Jiang Cheng’s fault that toddler Jin Ling used to Zidian to short out the city’s power grid, or Xue Yang’s fault that little A-Qing was strapped to his chest during a motorcycle joyride down the highway, but they are stuck going to family counseling, along with a bored Lan Wangji, a giggly Xiao Xingchen, an out-to-lunch Lan Xichen, and an indignant Jin Guangyao. A lonely Nie Huaisang gets in on the action by joining all twenty group chats and sending way too many gifs.

And, all the while, a rebellion is brewing on Wangxian’s block, their neighbors driven mad by the incessant midnight duets.

Poor Dr. Wen Qing, child psychologist and therapist extraordinaire. What has she done to deserve this?

Read On AO3!

Or read below if the spirit so moves you:

There’s a letter nailed to the door when they arrive home.

Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and reads it aloud.

“ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable ‘presents’ on our lawns—’ ”

Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”

Lan Wangji unlocks the door. “What else?”

“ ‘Two: Gangs of feral rabbits rampaging through our flower beds!’ –They do have a point here. How they keep getting loose I’ll never know. ‘Number Three: Loud duets at midnight. We get it! You’re in love! Get a soundproof basement or shut the hell up!’ ” Wei Wuxian wrinkles his nose. “Who spit in their bean curd?”

“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.

* *  * *

One month earlier:

It's all the daycare’s fault, really. And also the gang’s mutual pediatrician for getting involved and setting them up with a family therapist.

And they all know they should be grateful that the authorities are letting them off easy. But—

Weekly family therapy sessions that double as parenting classes? They all already know how to change diapers and hide the matches and make airplane noises.

And none of it’s not any of their faults. More of a…

“Series of misunderstandings,” explains Wei Wuxian to Dr. Wen Qing. “I’m sure when you hear the full story, you’ll laugh too. Right, Lan Zhan?”

“I don’t think she ever laughs,” whispers Xue Yang to Xiao Xingchen, who can’t see Dr. Wen’s impassive face but dissolves into a fit of giggles anyway.

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes at the two of them and turns to Dr. Wen. “How long is this going to take? My new fashion line launches next week! I don’t have time for this—ow!” He jerks around at A-Yuan, who's gazing up at him innocently. He glares at Wei Wuxian. “Your carrot-brained little son bit me!”

Wei Wuxian scoops his son up onto his lap. “Don’t worry, A- Yuan, Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it—”

“Thumper!” A-Yuan corrects him.

“I’m sorry. Don’t worry, Thumper , Uncle Cheng didn’t mean it.”

“That’s normal,” says Xue Yang. “ ‘Thumper’?”

Xiao Xingchen hushes him.

“I just meant I’d go for a better name,” Xue Yang goes on. “Like Iago or Mushu if we’re picking from annoying cartoon animals. Doesn’t Thumper get shot?”

“You’re thinking of Bambi,” says Meng Yao irritably. He doesn’t look up from his phone as his finger moves in a blur over the screen. He’s missing several important meetings to be here. “He's the one who gets shot.”

A- Yuan’s eyes are huge. “Bambi gets shot?”

“No, Bambi’s mother gets shot,” Xue Yang explains.

A- Yuan bursts into tears.

Lan Wangji shoots Xue Yang a look that’s pure poison.

Dr. Wen clears her throat. “This is perhaps a good example of the dysfunction that—"

“Don’t worry, Thumper’s parents are just fine!” Wei Wuxian tells A- Yuan, squeezing the boy tighter. “Jiang Cheng, show him their pictures on your phone!”

“Do you think I have cartoon rodents as my wallpaper?”

“Google it!”

“Kid’s got to learn about death sometime.” Xue Yang places a lollipop in A-Yuan’s plump little hand. A-Yuan grins at him through his tears. Xue Yang is the kids’ favorite, to the jealousy of everyone but Xiao Xingchen, who is just as beloved. “See? Now he’ll always remember it as something sweet.”

The entire group gives him a Look, save Xiao Xingchen, who’s smiling and nodding.

Sometimes I think he’s deaf as well as blind , Meng Yao texts the others. There are an endless number of group chats, with most created just to complain about the people not on that specific group chat.

WWX : That’s cruel, but...

Jiang Cheng makes an impatient sound. Jin Ling is perched on his knee, slobbering on his custom lotus-patterned purple leather cell phone case. He takes his phone out of the toddler’s mouth and sets him down on the floor. “Can we move this along? Some of us have better things to do.”

“Yes. Thank you, Mr. Jiang.” Dr. Wen glances around the circle of folding chairs. “Now, do we all know why we’re here? Mr. Xue? Would you like to go first?”

Xue Yang stops picking at his chipped black nail polish. “What?”

“Do you know why you’re here, Mr. Xue?”

“I told A-Qing to stop biting people unless they really deserve it, and besides, she’s fully vaccinated, so I don’t see the problem there—”

“Mr. Xiao? Any ideas?”

Xiao Xingchen clears his throat and shuffles his sandaled feet, nervously smoothing the fringe on his oversized tie-dye poncho. “I’m not exactly sure why we’ve been included in a Jiang family therapy session, to be quite honest.”

“Your husband and daughter have been…implicated in some of the group’s…let’s call them mishaps, and as your daughter has adopted A- Yuan’s rabbit fixa—wait a minute, where is your daughter?”

“Xingchen’s got her,” shrugs Xue Yang.

JC - JGY - WWX - Jin Ling’ Uncles

JGY : *That’s* reassuring...

JGY : They make baby leashes for a reason

WWX : Lan Zhan threatened to buy me one the last time we went to the mall. I was lost for a half hour

JC : Are you sure he wasn’t just trying to lose you in the crowd?

WWX : Actually, I think Lan Zhan *did* buy the leash in the end…

*Jiang Cheng has left the chat*

Dr. Wen inclines her head. “Your husband is beside you, Mr. Xue. Your daughter is not.”

Xue Yang cranes his neck around the room. “I’m sure she’s fine, wherever she is. Unrelated question, are all of the valuables around here locked up, or—?”

“Mr. Xue—”

“We’ll know soon enough anyway. Is there an alarm system? No, don’t tell me. I’d rather be surprised. Be right back.” He tucks his phone inside his ripped black jeans and leaves the room, whistling. The clomp of his heavy combat boots disappears down the hall.

“Don’t worry,” says Xiao Xingchen, who seems to have missed a good half of what his husband has said, as usual. “This happens all the time. A-Qing has an excellent sense of direction.”

WWX - JGY - XY - JC - LWJ - Cabbage Patch Kids

JC : What the hell does that mean? The kid’s like 5

WWX : 3, tops

JC : No way she’s 3. She stole my watch last time she played w Jin Ling

LWJ : Are you certain that wasn’t her father?

NHS : XXC would never hahaha 😭 😭 😭

WWX : Huaisang! Whassup!

NHS:

WWX: You change the chat name again? I like it.

JC: Can he take my place here? This whole thing is inane

WWX : "Inane"! So you *have* been using the Word of the Day calendar Lan Zhan bought you!

JC : Shut up

JGY : Like a 5-year-old stealing a watch makes any more sense than a 3-year-old?

WWX : Oh we’re back on that?

NHS : Who stole who’s what now?

LWJ : *whose

JGY : Jiang Cheng was robbed by a toddler.

JC : Don’t you have some corporate espionage to go do or someone’s job to steal or something?

NHS:

JC: Send one more gif and I reach through your phone and strangle you

NHS:

WWX: Did you watch Shrek again without us? That’s A- Yuan’s fav movie

NHS: ur always so busy w lwj n the baby n playing w ur corpses lately!

Dr. Wen sighs. “All right, then. Who would like to go next? Mr. Jiang? How about you? Phones away, everyone, please.”

Jiang Cheng makes a show of being annoyed at having to look up from his phone. “I shouldn’t even be here. This is idiotic.”

WWX - NHS

WWX: Or “inane”

NHS:

“That’s not what the power company report says, Mr. Jiang. Now, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, but there are concerns—”

“I swear Zidian was depowered when I gave it to Jin Ling to play with,” Jiang Cheng says irritably. “He teethed on that thing for months as a baby. It’s fine.”

WWX -XY - LWJ - JGY - 🧟 🍬 🐇 🤠

JGY: Did Jiang Cheng just tell a mandated reporter that he let Jin Ling teethe on his magic lightning whip?

XY: dammit Im missing all the good stuff!

LWJ: *I’m

NHS:

JGY: You’re wasting my phone’s memory with these ridiculous gifs.

NHS: *inane gifs

XY: Jiggy why don’t you just have your 🍬 🍭 👦👨 buy you a fancy new phone with more memory?

NHS:

WWX: XY did you find A-Qing?

NHS: He lost A-Qing again?

LWJ: …Again?

XY: NHS do you like your tongue where it is or

NHS:

JGY: ?

XY: fingers. whatever.

WWX: I'm lost too

XY: nvm

JGY: That was edifying.

“Now, Mr. Jiang, I don’t mean to insinuate that you let your three-year-old nephew play unsupervised with a dangerous weapon that mistakenly activated and went on to fry the power grid and knock out all power within a five-mile radius for two weeks—”

JGY: Despicable inefficiency

“—or that you took him to a weapons expo, because, I quote ‘He’s going to have to learn to fight eventually anyway’—”

“It was an archery range.”

WWX - LWJ - NHS - Wen Chao Sucks!

WWX: Start ‘em young

NHS: i think it's inane

NHS: WWX? did LWJ smile at that one?

LWJ: No

WWX: He’s laughing on the inside

NHS: how….inane

“Mr. Jiang? Have you any response?”

Jiang Cheng crosses his arms over his chest. Jin Ling is hopping around on the floor with A- Yuan. Obviously not electrocuted, Jiang Cheng thinks, so what’s the problem? “So when my brother blows out the entire neighborhood’s power doing illegal experiments in his garage it’s okay, but I plug a space heater into the same outlet as a toaster and I’m suddenly the devil incarnate?”

NHS - WWX - JGY - Two Bros & A Guy

NHS : Why would you need a space heater in the kitchen? what I do is turn the oven on and that gets the room all hot

WWX : I think you need a new oven

NHS : Are ovens not supposed to do that??

WWX : Do fridges radiate cold?

NHS : I never thought about it that way 🤔

JGY : In the history of the world, nobody ever has.

WWX : Also, all of my illegal experiments are electricity-free.

JGY : …Jin Ling is never spending the night at your house again.

WWX : I said electricity-FREE!

JGY : Because a fridge full of corpses that you and that psychotic hooligan are trying to raise from the dead is so much better.

WWX : A) it’s a top-of-the-line industrial freezer, not a fridge, and B) those corpses were ethically-sourced—locally-sourced, anyway—

NHS : free-range & organic

WWX : zip it Huaisang

NHS : 🐓

Dr. Wen taps her clipboard with her pen. “Mr. Jiang, nobody's accusing you of anything. This is simply—”

“Whatever. What about him?” Jiang Cheng jerks a thumb at Meng Yao. “At least I didn’t set fire to anything.”

Meng Yao straightens up indignantly. “That was an accident!”

Dr. Wen looks like she wants to go home. “According to the fire marshal’s report, it—”

“I’m so terribly sorry I’m late!” A slightly disheveled Lan Xichen appears in the doorway, Xue Yang behind him. “I locked my keys in the car, and was going to call AAA, but then I remembered that we aren’t members—did you know you have to be a member?—plus my phone—”

Xue Yang slaps him on the back. His other hand, gloved as always, is holding A-Qing by the hand. Her oversized pockets clink suspiciously as she runs to go play with A-Yuan and Jin Ling. Today Xue Yang has dressed her in a pink poodle skirt, black boots with frilly socks, and a black T-shirt with the words “Daddy’s Little Delinquent” in pink script, pulling her hair into spiky little pigtails.

“—and the look the bus driver gave me when I tried paying with the $50 I luckily had in my pocket!”

“He’s telling the truth,” Xue Yang says. Over the years, an odd friendship has sprung up between him and Lan Xichen. “He has a stamped bus pass and everything. Look at the poor man. Had to squash in with the hoi poloi. He won’t be over this for weeks.”

Lan Xichen is blinking too much. “And someone on the bus stole my wallet, though I could have sworn I left the bus with it—”

Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, who grins at him and pats the bulging pocket on her frilly pink skirt.

JC - WWX

JC : Why is my lead fashion designer wearing CROCS??

WWX : His house keys must have been on the same keychain. Lan Zhan said he took today off from work

JC : Okay but why are they orange?

WWX : Not everything he owns has to be blue, you know

JC : His contract clearly states at least three out of every four articles of clothing have to be blue!

WWX : Relax, lil bro

JC : He’s the face of our Overly Elaborate Yet Elegantly Simple Eveningwear division!

NHS : Who is?

JC : GET BIRD BRAIN OFF THIS CHAT OR I SWEAR TO ZIDIAN—

NHS : 😿 who just showed up? Xichen?

WWX : Yup he just arrived after a harrowing bus experience

NHS : https://cutt.ly/Mks2dgu ?

JC : Does anyone actually like when people send them links??

NHS : https://cutt.ly/hks21H8

Meng Yao is wearing what Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang call his "customer service smile," a holdover from his dark days in retail. It's the closest he ever gets to showing irritation towards his fiancé. “Why didn’t you Uber over, Xichen?”

“I locked my phone in the car with the keys—”

“It’s fine, Mr. Lan," says Dr. Wen. "Please have a seat. You’re just in time. After all, you were mentioned by name in the fire marshal’s report, along with the somewhat contradictory descriptions of ‘dazed’ and ‘hysterically sobbing,’ which naturally piqued my interest—”

Lan Xichen seats himself beside Meng Yao. He's still looking somewhat frazzled Then again, his main two facial expressions are “gentle smile” and “mild anxious look.” “That was an accident. The fire, I mean. A little mishap.”

“Gentlemen, all of these incidents cannot be mere ‘accidents’—”

“I was meditating and A-Ling wandered in and knocked over the incense burner,” Lan Xichen explains hurriedly. Meng Yao, well-practiced as he is at hiding his emotions, winces slightly. “The window was open, and there was a breeze, and A-Yao just bought these new gauzy curtains that tend to flap about quite a bit—”

XY - JGY - LWJ - JC - NHS - Crossing Us Is A *Great* Idea

XY : And burn quickly

NHS : What am I missing???

XY : Insurance fraud

NHS:

XY : Yes. We’re all complicit now

JGY : Xue Yang, have you heard of a little something called libel?

XY : 🖕 We should go back to building with asbestos like they did in the good old days

JC : We’re all so glad you’re here, Xue Yang

NHS : I need to adopt a kid so I can join your group or something, this sucks, you get to go this secret club every week, jc I see wwx even less than you do

JC : stop talking

XY : What color baby you want, NHS?

JC : What the hell??

XY : That was a joke

NHS: ....

“…and I was so deep in meditation I didn’t notice the flames until the fire department arrived, but A-Ling was fine, just fine, and all the fire fighters were so very nice…”

WWX : Can confirm. Xichen was more traumatized than the kid. The firefighters had to wrap him in like fifty foil blankets

XY : XXC tells me Himbo stayed with you a full week, was that why? my boy didn't tell me

LWJ : “Himbo”? He got 1600 on his SAT.

XY: Term of endearment he knows he’s my boy plus the guy locked his keys and phone in the car for the second time this month

JC : At least he feels remorse over his child endangerment, unlike certain other people I could mention

LWJ : "Child endangerment"?

XY : Tell us again about how Jin Ling used to teethe on Zidian, JC?

NHS:

“Dr. Wen will be pleased to know that my apartment is now fully equipped with a top-of-the-line sprinkler system,” says Meng Yao smoothly. “No more incense, either. This unfortunate incident will never be repeated again.”

XY - WWX - JC - Odd Man Out

XY : At least not until the insurance money runs out

WWX : 😒

XY : Not that he needs it, after landing Himbo

NHS:

WWX: Those jokes really aren't funny

NHS: 😔

JC: Dammit NHS are you in every chat?? Did you change the chat names? Why aren't you showing up on half the participant lists?? Did you hack our phones or what??

NHS: Don’t be so *inane*

Wei Wuxian titters.

“Mr. Wei? Since you seem so eager to speak, perhaps we should move onto your issues, then.”

Wei Wuxian straightens up and points to his chest, the picture of innocence. “Me?”

Dr. Wen smiles thinly. “You, Mr. Wei. Perhaps you can tell us your side of what the school is referring to as ‘The Radish Incident.’ ”

“Well….” Wei Wuxian darts a glance over at Lan Wangji, who is as impassive as ever. “I was just burying him for fun, you know. We like to pretend he’s a radish—“

“A radish?”

“It’s a…you know. A game. I personally like potatoes better, but—”

“Mr. Wei, several parents complained to the school.”

“Because we were hogging the sandbox.”

“Because your son was running around screaming ‘I’m a chubby little radish boy!’ Which in itself would not be cause for concern. But coupled with his troubling behavior the following week—"

XY - JC - JGY - Two Men & A Half

XY : Where did she get these records? Who does she work for, the NSA?

NHS : She’s an astronaut?

JGY : How did you sneak into this chat? And did you rename it?

NHS : 😉

JGY: You're what, an inch taller than me?

XY: someone struck a nerve

JGY: It's just derivative of the other group chat, that's all.

NHS : u said no to "gettin' jiggy w it" i had no other choice. anyway what's happening over there?

JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.

NHS : who a-yuan?

JC : I’ll give Dr. W this, that kid is weird.

JC : I mean, he’s my nephew, he’s a great kid, that’s not what I’m meant—

XY : *delete delete*

JC : How does your hippie husband put up with you??

JGY : We suspect brainwashing or blackmail.

“—when he decided he was a rabbit or," Dr. Wen continues, "or, as he put it, ‘Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunny Boy.”

“He is Daddy’s Huggy Little Bunn—"

“And only responds to the name ‘Thumper,’ refuses to eat anything other than carrots or food containing carrots, insists on wearing bunny ears—"

XY - NHS

XY : If it’s good enough for Louis Belcher, it’s good enough for Freaky Little Bunny Boy

NHS:

you watch the show too?? I call mingjue “bob” - u know - grumpy mustache guy

XY : I’m sure that’s gone over well

NHS: he’ll learn to love it

XY : A-Qing loves Louis

NHS:

“—hops around instead of walking, and has convinced others of the same…fantasy.”

Everyone glances over at the three children, who are hopping in a circle. A-Yuan has a fluffy little tail on the seat of his pants, carefully sewn on by Lan Wangji. Jin Ling has a handful of cotton balls that had been badly superglued on by an annoyed Jiang Cheng. And A-Qing has a wad of blue cotton candy taped to her frilly pink skirt with a strip of duct tape. As they watch, Jin Ling rips the cotton candy off and stuffs it in his mouth. A-Qing shoves him onto his cottony rear end.

“That’s my girl!” Xue Yang calls.

“Daddy’s proud of you!” Xiao Xingchen adds, though he’s not quite sure what’s going on.

Dr. Wen sighs. “I’m still unclear about how this started. Was it the rabbit incident? Mr. Lan—" She nods her head at Lan Wangji to differentiate between the brothers. Lan Xichen has fallen asleep in his chair, exhausted by his first-ever bus ride. “—I mean, I beg your pardon, Dr. Lan. Perhaps you can fill us in on that? He told his teacher he was attacked by a rabbit monster."

“So he was bitten by one rabbit!” Wei Wuxian says when Lan Wangji just eyes her coldly. “It wasn’t Lan Zhan’s fault. That rabbit was bad news. It had this gleam in its eye—lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes—"

Xiao Xingchen emits a muffled little squeak. Xue Yang looks annoyed. He hates when other people make Xiao Xingchen laugh.

NHS - JC

NHS:

JC: yes yes we all get the Jaws reference

NHS: the last movie we all watched together : /

JC: yes I just said that

NHS: like three months ago

JC: and?

NHS: just saying...

“He was scared of the rabbits after that, and so Lan Zhan told him that rabbits only bite their own, and, well…I mean, we have a hundred rabbits in our backyard. It was either rehoming them and making the news like those crazy cat people, or making A-Yuan feel better.”

A-Yuan hops past, wiggling his cotton tail.

Jiang Cheng rubs his temples.

“All right, Mr. Wei. Thank you. That’s…elucidating. We’ll delve into that in future sessions. Now, perhaps we can discuss the June 7th incident involving you and Mr. Xue?”

Xiao Xingchen starts to laugh again. Xue Yang grins to himself.

LWJ - JC

LWJ : What happened on the 7th?

JC : Am I my brother’s keeper??

“Now, the seventh? I was…hard to remember, all that time ago…” Wei Wuxian taps his chin. "The mists of time and all that."

“It was three weeks ago, Mr. Wei.”

“The seventh….the seventh…was that a Tuesday—?”

“Wen Chao had it coming,” said Xue Yang. Smirking, he twirls his ponytail around a finger. His ponytail is long and sleek and sprouts from the top of his head like an 80s schoolgirl's. “Amiright, ‘Mr. Wei’?”

Wei Wuxian coughs. “You mean the Wen Chao who lives on Qishan Road? That Wen Chao?”

“That spoiled rich kid?” Jiang Cheng asks. (“As if you’re one to talk,” says Xue Yang.) “With the oversized Humvee and tractor-sized tires with spinning rims? Zipping down the street at all hours and blasting his music? I went to college with him. He used to leave double-deckers in the bathroom at frat parties.”

Dr. Wen swallows a long-suffering sigh. “Thank you, Mr. Jiang. I’m sure that information will prove most helpful in evaluating your brother’s case. Mr. Wei, your arrest, combined with the Huggy Little Bunny Boy Incident, does not fill me with confidence.”

“Not arrested—"

“Taken for questioning,” Xue Yang agrees. “By the neighborhood watch. Golf dads and wine moms. Very different from 'arrested.' "

"And you should know," says Meng Yao.

JC - JGY

NHS : What’s going on? What am I missing????

JGY: Did you just make a new group chat? Your name isn't showing up. This is disconcerting.

NHS: don’t worry about it

JC : We’re talking about Wen Chao

NHS : overcompensating humvee ex-frat boy with the hair gel? vomit in the jacuzzi and streak across the field at the big game wen chao? ur babysitter's cousin?

JC : The very idiot

NHS : He has nice sunglasses

JC : For a Russian mobster

NHS : Says the guy who owns a purple zebra striped jacket

JC : Says the guy with more bird-themed shirts than Winston Bishop

JGY : Touche.

NHS : i didn’t know u watch New Girl 2! we must talk l8tr shorturl.at/vDI26

JGY : Your abbreviations are marginally shorter than the actual words.

NHS :

JC : Cleaning bird cages does take up most of one’s afternoon

NHS : see, u get it

JC : Dr. Wen isn’t buying whatever WWX is selling here.

JGY : Wen Chao is related to Dr. Wen. If WWX had any more sense than a chipmunk, he’d realize that. No matter how much you hate someone, family is family...

“Wen Chao was a public menace,” says Wei Wuxian self-righteously. “He deserved what he got. Speeding down the street all the time. Think of the children!”

LWJ - WWX

LWJ: Why is this my first time hearing about this?

WWX: You’ve heard me complain about WC a million times. I even named a group chat after him!

LWJ: Wei Ying.

WWX: You were off visiting your uncle with A-Yuan ! You left me unsupervised! I am not to be blamed!!!

LWJ: We’ll discuss this later

WWX: 😓

“Perhaps the better question is where you got all those fish,” says Dr. Wen.

Everyone turns to look at Xue Yang.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” he grins.

Xiao Xingchen chuckles.

“Five hundred dollars in damages, Mr. Xue. Raw fish juice is difficult to get out of faux tiger fur upholstery, I understand.”

Xue Yang flaps his hand. “His father can afford it.”

“That is not the—" Dr. Wen stops, perhaps realizing that an argument with Xue Yang means forfeiting a chunk of her sanity. “Moving on, Mr. Xue, can you explain this picture you posted on social media?”

“That picture’s an old one. A-Qing’s just a baby.”

“Mr. Xue, given the recent threats you made towards A-Qing’s daycare teacher for putting her in a time-out for stealing her classmate’s graham crackers and apple juice, this is relevant.”

“Posting that to the public account was a mistake, if that’s your concern. My Insta for A-Qing is private, but I was in a candy store and got kind of distracted by the new sugar-frosted fruity explosion jaw-busting mega bombs—"

“You fail to understand the issue, Mr. Xue. What’s that in her mouth?”

“Fingers. Or is that a toe?”

Xiao Xingchen laughs.

“They weren't real,” says Xue Yang.

WWX - JC

WWX:

JC: Great more gifs

“I think I have one with the Halloween store tags still on—" Xue Yang scrolls through the hundreds of photos of A-Qing filling his phone. “Should be one in here somewhere—oh, look, Xingchen, these are from your birthday party; I tell you, Amazo the Magnificent had no sense of humor at all; you’d think nobody had ever replaced his rabbit with a porcupine before-"

Jin Ling hops by. “Rabbit!” he cheers.

Jiang Cheng groans.

“There is blood on the fingers, Mr. Xue.”

Xue Yang gives a breezy laugh. “Paint. The springy plastic is perfect for teething. You just put it in the freezer for a few hours—real fingers wouldn’t work; they’d freeze solid, which makes good ice packs for those hard-to-reach places, sure, but as far as teething goes—”

Dr. Wen holds up a hand. “Thank you, Mr. Xue. That’s enough. My next question is about this speeding ticket, which you received while your daughter was strapped to your chest.”

“She was wearing a helmet!”

“You were driving a motorcycle down the highway, Mr. Xue.”

Xue Yang glances hurriedly at Xiao Xingchen, who’s frowning. “These were two separate incidents—"

“Mr. Xue, I don’t think that that makes it much better—"

“Ouch!” Meng Yao shoots to his feet. “He bit me! Your son bit me!”

Wei Wuxian scoops up A- Yuan, who's looking very satisfied with himself. “You shouldn’t have worn a carrot-orange shirt, then.”

“It’s not orange, it’s beige—"

“Maybe he was aiming for Xichen’s crocs and missed,” Xue Yang suggests.

Meng Yao pats his pockets. “Where’s my phone?”

Xue Yang winks at A-Qing, whose already-stuffed pocket is bulging further. Xue Yang likes dressing her in disarmingly cute dresses and skirts with huge pockets, the better to hide her loot. She grins and twirls a pigtail like Xue Yang twirls his ponytail and skips off with Jin Ling and A- Yuan.

Meng Yao is wearing the fixed smile of a Starbucks barista whose customer just asked to speak to the manager. Never a good sign. “Could somebody be so kind as to call my phone?”

Wei Wuxian makes a show of dialing. No one else moves. Lan Xichen mumbles something to himself in his sleep, chin sunk deep in his chest.

“Sorry, Jiggy,” says Wei Wuxian. “Maybe you left your phone at home?”

“You all saw me using it not a minute ago, and kindly stop calling me Jiggy—"

“A-Yao?”

Meng Yao’s customer service smile slips. “Just stop talking for five seconds, that’s all I ask—"

Dr. Wen shakes her head. At this point she seems more bored than anything else. “Moving along, Mr. Xiao, this is perhaps inconsequential when held up beside your husband’s joyrides with A-Qing—"

“Not a joyride,” Xue Yang interrupts. “That motorcycle is registered in my name. Well, a name—"

“—but A-Qing’s teacher has told me that she witnessed you allowing A-Qing to take candy from strangers.”

“The lady seemed nice,” says Xiao Xingchen, folding his hands placidly in his lap. “She had peppermints.”

Xue Yang sighs fondly.

JC - WWX

NHS: thnx for calling me WWX. reception could be better but this is better than anything on tv. literally candy from strangers?

JC: Dear heaven HE’S back. Just text a chat you're actually on!

NHS: ‘Dear heaven’?

JC: This is inane!

WWX: …not bad

Xiao Xingchen smiles. “She smelled like snickerdoodles and lavender.”

Dr. Wen sighs. “Mr. Xiao—"

“I’ll talk to him later, doctor,” says Xue Yang, patting Xiao Xingchen’s arm reassuringly. “Anything else? What did Mr. Beige do?” He grins at Meng Yao, who’s still looking for his phone.

“Mr. Meng, aside for the fire, which we’ve established is not your fault—though, fiance or not, you should be a bit more judicious in your choice of babysitters—"

Lan Wangji shoots Dr. Wen a look that almost melts the metal clip on her clipboard.

She absorbs it without so much as an eyebrow twitch. “—there is the Treehouse Incident, though I don’t believe the collapse of your nephew’s treehouse was your fault.”

JC - WWX - LWJ - We’re All Cool Here We Promise

NHS : i hear he bought the biggest fanciest one he could then set it up himself and then it fell down at the first storm. if that’s not a metaphor for his life I don’t know what is

JC : That wasn’t funny, someone could have gotten hurt

WWX : it was kind of funny

NHS : it was very funny

LWJ : "Hurt" like a baby at a weapons expo?

NHS : LWJ IN DA HOUSE!

JC : It was an ARCHERY RANGE

LWJ:

NHS: LWJ USED A GIF IM DEAD LMAO—

LWJ: *I’m

“We are suing the playhouse company,” says Meng Yao. “Right, Xichen?”

“Hm?” Lan Xichen sits up with a jerk. “I beg your pardon?”

Meng Yao gives him a patient smile and turns back to Dr. Wen. “As you can see, we have the situation well in hand.”

Lan Xichen has no idea what he’s talking about but nods along anyway. “Of course we do. In fact—" He whips out a recorder and starts playing “Wonderwall.”

“That was…lovely,” says Dr. Wen once he finishes. “Don’t do it again. Now, moving on to the County Fair Incident—"

“Which was an accident!”

“One more interruption, Mr. Wei, and you will be asked to return for solo counseling."

JC - LWJ - XY - NHS - Lan Wangji Pls Stop Vetoing All My Best Chat Names Thnx

NHS : Make him stand in the corner! LWJ, does that ever work at home?

XY : I think he uses *stronger* methods 😏

*Lan Wangji has left the chat*

JC : Xue Yang shut up I will end you that’s my brother

XY : End me with your sparkly little whip? 👀

JC : Your husband’s sitting right next to you you little freak. Allo people are so fricking annoying!

NHS : hey!

JC: I call it as I see it

NHS: your one to talk 😒

*Lan Wangji has joined the chat*

LWJ : *You're

*Lan Wangji has left the chat*

XY : How old were you when you lost your sense of humor, Grape Boy?

JC : “Grape Boy” is that the best you can do?

XY : there are children present

NHS : 🤭 🤭 🤭

JC : Same way there are children present while barreling down the highway at 80 mph on a motorcycle?

NHS:

XY : The state troopers blew that way out of proportion

Dr. Wen taps her clipboard. “Stealing livestock violates Section 2 of the Farm and Livestock Act—”

“No harm no foul,” shrugs Xue Yang. “And Xiao Xingchen gave all the trampled people candy afterward, so we’re all square. Well, snacks, anyway."

“Good snacks,” Xiao Xingchen adds. “Carob-covered rice cakes and trail mix.”

NHS: 🤢

“You can’t just hand out nuts children who might have an allergy—"

“There were also boxes of raisins. Full-size.”

Dr. Wen struggles to keep from rolling her eyes. Jiang Cheng rolls his hard enough for the both of them.

JC - NHS

NHS:

JC: wtf is that get that off my screen

“According to the police report, all three of your children broke into the paddock, released the donkey, and rode him down the main promenade, scattering fairgoers in their wake. I have the video.” Dr. Wen holds up her phone. Loud screams and merry-go-round music blast from her phone. “Mr. Xue? Anything to say?”

“That guy was barely trampled,” says Xue Yang. “Also, I had nothing to do with opening the paddock, whose latch sticks (just by the way), or helping the kids up onto the donkey, so—"

“This was found at the scene.” She holds up black leather necklace with a single red bead. "Look familiar, Mr. Xue?”

Xue Yang touches his bare throat. “I’ve been framed.”

“And this.” She holds up a flute and glances over at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian darts a quick glance over at Lan Wangji, who does not look amused. Then again, he never does. “Since when was I even a suspect—?"

“Since you left your flute there like an idiot,” says Jiang Cheng.

“Lil’ Apple’s paddock was too small! I had to do something."

“Gentlemen—"

The cuckoo clock on the wall goes off, waking up Lan Xichen, who’s drifted off again. He whips out his recorder again but Meng Yao lays a gently restraining hand on his wrist.

Dr. Wen rises. “We will continue this next week. In the meantime, I have some worksheets—"

JC - NHS

JC : Kill me now

NHS : i wouldnt tempt LWJ if i were u…

JC : not like I take up any of WWX’s precious time anyway anymore. LWJ goes out of town and WWX teams up with that nutcase ex-juvenile delinquent of all people to vandalize WC’s car?? In college we stole WC's team's stupid tortoise mascot together

NHS : …..i'll call u later

JC : Please don’t

NHS :

NHS: u can come over on ur own to watch a movie or smthing u know

NHS: ur new line launched already so ur not so busy now right?

NHS: u can bring jin ling along as a chaperone if u want

NHS: hello?

NHS: that was a joke…

JC: okay but no more romcoms

NHS: u brought mama mia over last time not me

JC: I grabbed the wrong dvd

NHS: …..🤐

JC: 🖕

NHS: 😏 see u soon

* * * *

One month later:

“Best session yet!” says Wei Wuxian as they pull up to his house in Jiang Cheng's sleek purple Jaguar. “I mean, Dr. Wen wasn’t thrilled about the whole ‘our kids visited Nie Huaisang’s bird sanctuary and now think they’re skvaders’ thing, but all in all—"

“Just get out of the car.” Jiang Cheng gives him a little shove. They’d all been busy this past month, and had only seen Nie Huaisang once, but that had been enough to convince the kids that they’re hybrid bunny-birds. “I’ll wait outside while you go and get Jin Ling—" He stops. A letter is nailed to the front door.

“Is someone starting another Protestant reformation?” Wei Wuxian jokes. He grins at Lan Wangji, who raises his eyebrow slightly. Excellent. So he found the joke as funny as he did, though going by the way he eyes the nail he’s not thrilled about what just happened to the door’s glossy blue paint.

Wei Wuxian rips the letter from the nail and starts to read aloud. “ ‘We, the undersigned, do hereby declare Wei Wuxian and Lan Wanji to be persona non grata on Cultivator Court for the following reasons: One: Wild animals leaving unspeakable “presents” on our lawns—’ ”

Wei Wuxian looks up. “That would be Lil’ Apple. Do they sell donkey diapers?”

LWJ unlocks the door. “What else?”

“ ‘Two: Gangs of feral rabbits rampaging through our flower beds!’ –They do have a point here. How they keep getting loose I’ll never know. ‘Number Three: Loud duets at midnight. We get it! You’re in love! Get a soundproof basement or shut the hell up!’ ” Wei Wuxian wrinkles his nose. “Who spit in their bean curd?”

“Where do these people meet, and can I join?” asks Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian slings an arm around his shoulders, the first time in weeks. Jiang Cheng hasn’t seen much of his brother outside of the counseling sessions. “Dr. Wen says that kind of negativity is toxic.”

Jiang Cheng grunts, but lets Wei Wuxian keep his arm on his shoulder. “I’ll show you toxic—”

The babysitter is sitting under the table with Jin Ling and A-Yuan when they enter the house, building a miniature cenotaph made out of blocks.

“The kids okay, Wen Ning?” Wei Wuxian asks him.

Wen Ning peers out from between two chairs. “We were under siege for a couple of hours. Pitchforks and torches, same old thing. But we turned out the lights and stayed away from the windows and made s’mores.”

“So that’s what happened to all the plastic lawn flamingos. Trampled by angry villagers."

Jiang Cheng pinches his temples. “I told you adopting an incontinent donkey was a bad idea. At least keep his paddock locked.”

“We don’t have to tell your sister about this, do we, Wen Ning? …Good. What did the mob look like? Did you catch any names?”

“They were led by a fat man with a goatee and a skinny old guy with beady eyes and a moustache like two long droopy rat tails." Wen Ning crawls out from under the table. “The skinny guy was wearing bright red and blue and purple clothes and the fat guy had a bullhorn. And my cousin Wen Chao was in back yelling something about the rising cost of dry cleaning in this day and age, I think?”

“Yao and Ouyang.” Wei Wuxian makes a face. “Power couple from hell, and I should know. I’ve been there.”

“Are they those nosy neighbors you’re always complaining about?” asks Jiang Cheng.

“They’ve been after us from day one!”

“Well, having that fierce corpse of yours key their car didn’t help.”

“That was an accident.”

Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes.

“You know, Nie Huaisang has been texting me about this house for sale next door to him,” says Wei Wuxian thoughtfully. “Lan Zhan, maybe we should check it out?”

Jiang Cheng picks up Jin Ling and pats him gently on the back. “You’re just going to have the same problem with the angry villagers, just across town.”

“No, it’s a big corner lot. I’ve seen it. Looks like the Addams Family lives there. Comes with its own little graveyard and everything. Huaisang’s family owns it, and they’ve been trying to unload it for months, but everyone thinks it’s haunted just because of that time I brought those fierce corpses with me on a visit and they got loose—but that’s neither here nor there. It’s perfect!”

Lan Wangji nods.

“Whatever.” Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes. “Let’s get going, A-Ling.”

Once he’s strapped Jin Ling into his car seat, he takes out his phone.

JC - NHS

JC : Your plan worked

Nie Huaisang:

???

Jiang Cheng: yeah. Thanks for riling them up behind my brother’s back all month. Class move. Direct and straightforward

NHS:

NHS: not that they needed much inciting. wwx blowing up the garage was the last straw

JC : was still weirdly convoluted for no reason

JC : Not sure why you had to get me involved either

NHS: says the guy who lives 20 blocks away but still volunteered to file the noise complaint because, i quote, “the duets *R* annoying”

JC : well you can’t file a complaint about them stopping mid-conversation with you to gaze soulfully into each others’ eyes for ten minutes

NHS : *snort*

JC : If you miss WWX so much 🙄 why didn’t you just tell him straight out instead of pulling this shtick?

NHS:

NHS : there’s another house available down the street just fyi…

NHS: my big fat greek wedding sat night? u bring the dvd n i’ll get the pizza

Shaking his head, but smiling to himself, Jiang Cheng starts the car.

[naw-naw-honeyimgood]

ChengQing (lmao never realized that was their fucking ship name)

so pros of (Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing):

one of the few possible het ships available to mdzs fans like there are all of five named female characters and this is the only one not in an established het pairing. and like sure ive seen yanli w/ someone else a couple times but you CANT put her with JIANG CHENG and i cant say ive ever seen mianmian in a serious relationship in fics with anyone besides either her canon hubby or a chick (usually yanli, wen qing herself, or even sometimes both lmao).

it’s basically written itself in cql!! he has a very obv and clear crush on her, even gives her a comb and offers to help her! she seems interested but the way the storyline went it was simply not meant to be :’(

you get to pair off jiang cheng!! ngl once u finish mdzs its kinda sad for everyone not wangxian (in their generation/above) cuz theyre the only one that get a happy ending. Everyone else is forever alone / depressed / bitter or a combination thereof. so it’s nice to see jiang cheng getting a happy ending!

he... gets... kids...? like ngl as a childless person that is happy to stay that way thats not exactly a pro in my eyes but you might look at his relationship w/ jin ling and say “he’s a great father! he deserves to be a father!” which okay good news! wen qing can bear children!

Now. Cons. 

for one thing the fact that you have a lack of options doesnt exactly mean every possible het pairing can have good chemistry even if you change circumstances enough. there comes to a point where certain pairings can only be really viable if one or both of them are ooc.

lets be honest im willing to bet that AT LEAST 80% of the reason cql introduced this ship was because they were not allowed to make the wangxian pair explicitly Together (and i dont even mean anything specifically sexual), and they needed SOME SORT of romance to feature in the story. xuanli doesnt count because theyre an established background ship,  the jiang parents dont count as romance, we aint talkin about the villain relationships, and lbr, mianmian already had a lot more signif in cql than mdzs. so it makes sense that they took the arguably most important male chara besides wangxian and made him have a crush on the most important female character that wasnt his SISTER. 

what im trying to say is that cql pulled that pairing out of a hat. if you look at canon at ALL i highly doubt there would ever have been feelings, just as there never were. we dont quite know the age dif but we know that wen qing was the older sister and wen ning might have been a bit younger? than the boys? cannot quite remember but we dont know if she was only a year or two older or if it was like. mingjue and huaisang. we dont know! and i canNOT see jiang cheng going for an older chick. also their personalities would clash So Much. she has older sis vibes and not the gentle kind like yanli. she snaps at wen ning’s mumbling and stuff a good couple times- you think she’d tolerate jiang cheng’s emotional immaturity? hah. 

this also kinda segues into my main point of: as depressing as it is that jiang cheng is forever alone unless you pair him off... he would honestly put whoever you pair him off with through hell. he’s not nice. so many jiang cheng stans like to argue that he’s a traumatized kid that was raised to channel his emotions through anger (and raises bitterness under his skin like an ugly puppy) but inside he has a heart of gold, and they’re... not exactly wrong! i mean- literally every younger chara is traumatized in some way. but... that doesn’t really... excuse the shit he’s pulled? as much as jiang cheng stans like to forget: jin guangyao was RIGHT when he said that jiang cheng’s insecurities got wei ying killed. his CLOSEST ALLY. 

tying back to wen qing we have their actual CANON interactions (or lack thereof). wen qing didn’t exactly protect wei ying and jiang cheng out of the goodness of her heart when lotus pier fell: she was protecting wen ning (her BROTHER) from the repercussions of his own actions by saving wei ying (and Jiang Cheng ig idk he was just there bUT YOUNG MASTER WEI-)

not QUITE sure why she agreed to doing the golden core transfer (maybe scientific curiousity? i mean she had an unproven medical theory and here was a volunteer) but it def wasnt For Jiang Cheng.

and then the next time she saw him? do you guys remember the next time she saw him? it’ was when jiang cheng came up to the burial mounds to kill wen ning’s corpse and tell wei ying to turn over the wens. 

KEEP IN MIND that jiang cheng KNOWS wen ning and qing SAVED HIS FUCKING ASS after lotus pier (not How but he KNOWS THIS) and yet he still tells wei ying to hand them over.

he makes wei ying choose between what amounts to the cultivation world and his morals. 

that does not a good healthy relationship make. also again their personalities would clash like so bad. i love wen qing way more but you have to admit her personality is super similar to madame yu’s. and we already agreed that jiang cheng was traumatized as a kid. im not saying fengmian didnt have a hand in it but you gotta admit a good amount was madam yu and her insecurites and accusations she piled on her son. and you wanna pair him up romantically with someone who won’t take his shit and smile? will call him out? HAH.

im not saying this because i think jiang cheng should be with a softer personalitied (guy) like lan xichen or wen ning or huaisang because god knows those pairings have their own issues. im just saying that in canon-verse all i can ship whole-heartedly is jiang cheng / therapy, but since there is not therapy in canon-verse, or even if there WAS then there’s no way he’d admit to needing it, then yeah he can stay single for all his bitter life. better that than making jiang parent relationship 2.0 like fuck.

(this of course means that in modern aus where he DOES get therapy i am Open)

also real quick but jiang cheng was NOT a good parent to jin ling and i will not take constructive criticism like sure he was better than the jiang parents and the lan parents but that is SUCH a low fuckin bar and it’s a fact that in chapter 9 jin ling literally thinks “if I can’t slice off her head with this blow, I will die here- death it is then!!” (taken gratefully from the exiled rebels scanlation) and that is NOT a healthy-minded child.

the only healthy minded children is like. jingyi. and probably sizhui. although i am not here for the way the lan sect raise children but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

also i want you to look me in the eye and tell me that wen qing could and would do anything besides throw down with someone that so much as looked at her brother wrong

because jiang cheng apparently decided to lay the blame for jin zixuan’s death at wen ning’s feet (which is incredibly ironic considering he blames wei ying for yanli’s death??? like i feel like he could stand to use his brain cells a bit more??) and repeatedly tried to kill him.

[tsubasabasahazard]

Okay I have to express my stress with Mo Dao Zu Shi and I don’t like twitter that much, so here I go. btw I just finished chapter 88.

- Fuck Xue Yang, I live with someone that reminds me of him a lot and I hate him

- Xiao Xingchen A-Qing and Song Lan deserved better I need fanfics to cope

- Wei Wuxian for fucks sake how are you so dumb for love

- Jiang Cheng please fuck off, your homophobic ass is stressing me out every day, also stop threatening your only nephew

- I wanna slap Jiang Cheng, but I also wanna hug and kiss him

- Wei Wuxian love of my life

- Wen Ning why are you so cute? I can’t take this much cuteness

- Madam Yu and Uncle Jiang make me cry every damn time, I need fanfics to cope

- do I even need to mention Jin Lings parents? I cried so much, more fanfic and fanarts to cope

- the core- THE CORE I CANT

- I feel bad for Wuxian’s sword, I hate it here

- Wen Ning is so happy catching up with A-Yang, I love them so much

- Wangxian being the first exemple of love to the kids, I stan

- I wanna hit Jiang Cheng so bad- THE CORE

- I knew the core thing was too suspicious, I knew there was something to Wuxian and his thing with Suibian (his sword), BUT I DID NOT EXPECT FOR THIS MUCH PAIN AND ANGST

- seriously my heart ached, I felt my heart, the organ, ache, pain, like suffocating, when I read “Because the core inside of u is his” DAMN MU FUCKING HEART

- Jiang Cheng if I hear/read you say one more time that u hate or feel disgust for wangxian I WILL GIVE UP ON YOU I SWEAR

- I don’t know what is my thing with Jiang Cheng, but I might have a crush on him, not sure

- I see myself in Wuxian sometimes, I also wish I could be more like him, not the hero side, just the brave side, AND I WANT A LAN ZHAN TOO

- usually Lan Zhan would be my type, always and ever I like the quiet cool one’s, but he’s second on my list, first is Wuxian of course, then Lan Zhan and then Jian Cheng

- 4Madam Yu (I hate her but shes hot and cool), 5Nie Mungjue (so cool, I’d like to take him to therapy), 6Nii sama (Lan Xichen) sincerely I would like to marry this man, he is the type I would marry and love to spend my life with, the rest is the rest. I did kind of have on Uncle Jiang, but he’s Madam Yu’s.

- anyway, back to suffering and angst with hopes of smut and happiness (I was promised smut and romance, I’ve been given pain and suffering)

[chenqingssuibian]

Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian for the ask meme

two-for-one special, huh?

from this post!

How I feel about this character:

Jiang Yanli: ULTIMATE EXAMPLE OF CHARACTERS WHO DESERVED BETTER. Jiang Yanli is everything. She is the it girl. She is my favorite female character except for MAYBE A-Qing. She makes me wish I had a big sister, y’all. God, I wish she had gotten to meet her son - like, actually meet him, and get to know him. (When she died, he was... what, a year old at most? Not MUCH personality there, gotta say.) I wish she had gotten to grow old, man. Jiang Yanli was born to be a grandma, and the fact that she never got to be. Is upsetting. My girl is artistic, she is smart, she is brave (standing up to Jin Zixun!!!! A man who is 100% stronger than her!!!!! From a much stronger and wealthier sect!!!!) and GOD is she kind. Yanli, my beloved <3

Wei Wuxian: He is the main character and he is the main character for a REASON. This man? A mess, through and through. He is also a genius and he will not let you forget it, nor will he let you forget how SEXY he is. Yes Wei Wuxian we know your ass is fat you don’t need to remind me. I love this freaky lil necromancer. So sexy of him to invent that. He doesn’t have a SINGLE uncomplicated relationship, no, that’s too easy. He doesn’t even get to have a simple relationship with A-Yuan, because of course he doesn’t. Wei Wuxian is a flawed man who has committed atrocities and kindnesses in turn. He is simultaneously a grave robber who desecrates corpses on the regular, and ALSO the kind of dude who will attempt (and succeed) to resurrect a guy who he barely knows, even though it seems hopeless, because he is duty-bound. He takes his debt to the Wen siblings so, so seriously, he takes so much so seriously and that is why he doesn’t put effort into, for example, naming his weapons, or other bullshit. He has priorities, man. I love him. 

Romantic Ships:

Jiang Yanli: I’m a slut for xuanli, my token straight ship. Half of it is because I just really love Jin Ling, and if they weren’t a thing... he wouldn’t be either. But ALSO: Jin Zixuan resents her not because she’s her, but because he is being forced to marry her. Once that pressure is pulled off (though honestly? Not completely, because let’s be real - Madame Jin was probably pushing for that marriage all through Sunshot) and he gets the chance to... actually get to know her? He falls in love, y’all. I like to think Jiang Yanli, softhearted as she is, made him work to woo her as much as she was able. Gotta put effort into Jiang Yanli, Zixuan, it’s what she DESERVES! Other than them, yanqing is very good! I read some fics where she married Lan Xichen, which was lovely, and then there’s that series where she gets married to Jin Guangyao instead of Zixuan (though I can’t remember the name of it, rip.) There are very many options, for Yanli, and all of them good. give her a harem

Wei Wuxian: Wangxian goes without saying - they’re the core of the series, after all, if I didn’t like them at least a little... there wouldn’t be a point in me running a blog for this series, would there? Ningxian, unrequited or otherwise, is also very sexy. Wangningxian, too, and, as mentioned in the ask about Lan Xichen, I am into xixian! Xiaoxian also slaps - I’ve written a blurb for them, and plan on expanding it into something larger... at some point. Also, there are some really great (though DEFINITELY not for the light-hearted) xuexian fics out there, if you’re interested.

Non-Romantic Ships/BroTPS:

Jiang Yanli: Yanli and her brothers, Yanli and Wen Ning, Yanli and Everyone, Basically. Everyone should be friends with Jiang Yanli. She is very friend-shaped, and honestly? If everyone was her friend, a lot of shit would’ve gone down better. 

Wei Wuxian: I think the dynamic between Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli is just. So fuckin’ delicious. There are layers of love and devotion and propriety and conflicts of all of those things and GOD. I love them. I also thing Wei Wuxian should’ve been a menace as a child on the streets with Xue Yang. I would’ve liked to see it. Nie Huaisang is also a Very Good Bro, who I love him with immensely (and also think he should kiss a little bit)

Unpopular Opinion:

Jiang Yanli: Not to NSFW, but a lot of y’all seem to think she’s the kinkiest bitch on the block, and honestly? I don’t see it. I think her favorite position is missionary. I am so sorry to the pegging stans I just don’t think she has the core strength to make that good.

Wei Wuxian: HE. IS. MORALLY. GRAY. AT. BEST. Particularly during Sunshot and the immediate aftermath, but honestly, Wei Wuxian is not the liberator of the people, or something. He is a very talented man who, when he feels it is the right thing to do, will do anything - and what is right can be subjective and situational. He’s his own villain in a lot of ways, and the villain of many other people’s stories. Honestly, I can’t blame people for being afraid of him, or trying to put limits on what he can do - unchecked power is always bad. Always. Even when someone I like has it. 

What I wish would happen/had happened in canon:

Jiang Yanli: Uh. I wish she had fucking LIVED? I get WHY she had to die, so Jin Ling could... be Jin Ling, and Jiang Cheng would finally have something he really, truly couldn’t forgive Wei Wuxian for. I get that her death is the final nail in his coffin, or whatever. But seeing her simply get INJURED for him would’ve been enough, I think? I don’t think she needed to die, is what I’m saying, and I think MDZS could’ve been even more interesting, narratively speaking, if she hadn’t. Then again, I’m a Xuan Lu simp, so it is possible I simply wish we had had More Of Her.

Wei Wuxian: Therapy, as always. Otherwise, he’s pretty much got it made? Man came back from the dead, got some old friends back, solved a mystery, found out his sort-of son he raised in a graveyard for a while wasn’t dead at all, and then got married to the love of his life. He’s good on that front. Reconciliation with Jiang Cheng is really all I want, past that.

[mhalachai]

advance snippet: Updating Wednesdays on Patreon (The Untamed)

So. Do I need to write an Untamed modern!AU with a college twist (Lan Xichen is a music professor in Canada) in which Wei Wuxian attempts to self-therapy himself by creating a graphic novel fantasy AU version of his life (aka the real story of Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation) and Lan Xichen attempts to rebuild his life after a toxic relationship ended? I mean probably not but has that ever stopped me?  here’s the intro snippet we’ll see how things go.

(Title is tentatively Updating Wednesdays on Patreon because i don’t know what to call this thing)

~~

The first day of August finds Lan Xichen in a coffee shop, tinkering with the syllabus for his new music theory course, when his phone pings with a message.

> Lan Wangji: Brother.

> Lan Wangji: Wei Ying has asked me to inform you that he will be publishing the first collection of pages in his new graphic novel on Patreon this afternoon.

Lan Xichen smiles at Lan Wangji's tone. For all that his little brother is more verbose in electronic communication than verbal, he's always so exact.

> To Lan Wangji: Can't wait! What's it about?

The little cursor blinks for a while as Lan Wangji continues to type. Lan Xichen just hopes that his brother-in-law's creative enthusiasm isn't running up against Lan Wangji's sensibilities.

Finally, a reply appears.

> Lan Wangji: Wei Ying wants me to tell you that it is completely fictional.

This gives Lan Xichen pause. Why on earth would Wei Wuxian, or Lan Wangji himself for that matter, need to make that declaration?

> Lan Wangji: It is a high fantasy xianxia story.

Before Lan Xichen can ask why that is causing this odd message exchange, another notification pops up on his phone.

> Wei Wuxian: Lan Xichen! Lan Zhan types so slow! It's just a different art style I wanted to try out and it snowballed from there!

> Wei Wuxian: I know you follow me on Patreon so you're going to get the notification this afternoon so I wanted to warn you hahaha

> Wei Wuxian: All names and places are purely fictional. I don't really have a sword.

Another message arrives, with all the information Lan Xichen needs.

> Lan Wangji: This matters a great deal with Wei Ying.

Lan Xichen smiles at his brother's words. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian have been together since their junior year of high school, through a great deal of personal difficulties on both sides, and are still as fiercely protective of each other as ever. He loves them both for it.

> To Lan Wangji: Thank you for the information. I'm sure it will be great.

> To Wei Wuxian: Can't wait to see it! Anything you do is always great.

No more messages arrive, so Lan Xichen goes back to considering how to change the quiz structure of his musical theory class to avoid a marking crisis with the evaluation of his ensemble class.

Finally, as Lan Wangji gathers up his papers to leave, one last message comes in on his phone.

> Lan Wangji: Thank you for your support. We all appreciate it.

Attached to the message is a photo taken of Lan Wangji's family, he and Wei Wuxian holding Lan Yuan between them. The toddler grins at the camera, his arms around Wei Wuxian's neck. Wei Wuxian's looks at the camera, dark circles under his eyes like he's working through the night again, while Lan Wangji only has eyes for his husband.

It's so wholesome and loving that a sliver of pain rakes through Lan Xichen's heart. He's happy for his brother. His brother deserves the world. Lan Wangji deserves being loved, and to love.

Not everyone gets that. Sometimes, that falls apart.

Sometimes, for some people, love is just an illusion.

Lan Xichen tucks his phone away and leaves the coffee shop.

~~

He gets home mid-afternoon, and spends a while stowing away the groceries he picked up on his walk. The neighbourhood has several Greek and Persian markets and he's able to buy most of what he needs on foot, saving the Chinese markets in Richmond for his weekly dim sum brunches with Lan Wangji's family when he can borrow the use of Lan Wangji's sensible and economical mini-van.

He doesn't drive any more, not since—

Lan Xichen stops and puts down the bag of avocados. His mind is a funny place, bringing up the oddest things at the most inconvenient of times.

He doesn't drive anymore. He doesn't need to, using the bus and the odd taxi to transport his instruments up to the university for performances. The public transit system is so much better.

Safer.

He goes back to putting away the vegetables, pulls out a cookbook (new, spine uncreased, bought for him by Lan Qiren for his birthday) and opens it at random. He's never had coconut curry salmon before, but he has all the ingredients.

Trying new things. He's supposed to be trying new things.

The recipes says it will only take half an hour to make, so he goes up to his office and turns on his computer to check his work email. The message fly fast and furious, some about the new department head, some about class enrollment, a few from students asking if they can get onto his waitlist. He replies to the most urgent, files the rest, then checks his personal email.

The notification from Wei Wuxian's Patreon is up, so Lan Xichen clicks it.

Then he sits back, frankly impressed. He's seen Wei Wuxian's comic style progress since the boy was drawing silly cartoons to entertain Lan Wangji in history class, but even he wasn't prepared for this.

The art is gorgeous. Stylized figures, intricate period costuming, rich backgrounds – it's truly a work of art.

Then he gets a better look the two characters' faces, and laughs out loud. It's Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, clear as day, with long hair and flowing robes. Wei Wuxian's even managed to capture that exasperated-yet-fond look Lan Wangji has whenever Wei Wuxian is being particularly loud.

The introduction is even better. "Join our hero Lan Wangji and dashing rogue Wei Wuxian as they battle deadly monsters and forge a path with demonic cultivation!"

Wei Wuxian hasn't even changed their names. True, he uses his mother's surname professionally, so Cangse Ying can't be easily tracked back, but still.

Lan Xichen wonders for a moment if Lan Wangji is okay with this, but then he notices that the project text is available in both English and in Chinese, with the Chinese written in Lan Wangji's style.

They worked on this together, then.

Trying not to think about why that makes his chest feel funny, Lan Xichen opens to the first page--

-- Which features a bruised and bloodied Wei Wuxian falling off a cliff while a horrified Lan Wangji screams after him.

Confused, Lan Xichen makes sure he hasn't accidentally read the last page first. No, this is the first. Still a little baffled, he clicks to the next page, sees the stylized banner that reads six years ago and relaxes. This is Wei Wuxian's style of using flashbacks to interrupt the narrative flow. Lan Xichen spent most of Lan Wangji's university years hearing his brother's despair for Wei Wuxian's artistic choices in essay form.

But enough about the past. Lan Xichen settles in to read the first chapter of the story, where Wei Wuxian and his siblings (Jiang Yanli drawn lovingly, Jiang Cheng with a bigger frown and more menacing eyebrows than Lan Xichen remembers) traveled to the Cloud Recesses (the sarcastic nickname Wei Wuxian gave to Lan Qiren's West Vancouver mansion) for cultivator lectures. Lan Xichen is there on the page, too, drawn taller and far more imposing than he is in real life.

The first encounter between Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji is fantastical and improbable and, according to Lan Xichen's recollection, almost completely accurate. Wei Wuxian had mouthed off at Lan Wangji at the weekend orientation camp for their new arts high school, Lan Wangji glared the boy into submission, then later that night when Wei Wuxian tried to sneak back onto school grounds with alcohol, he and Lan Wangji had gotten into a fight. Verbal, instead of with swords, and without the supernatural murder victims, but Lan Xichen remembered everything else from Lan Wangji's indignant recitation on his return home.

He keeps reading, enjoying the art and the lyrical narration, and keeps enjoying it right up to the scene when Nie Huaisang appears on the page to offer Lan Qiren a present, Meng Yao standing right behind him.

Lan Xichen doesn't remember standing up, but here he is, two feet away from his computer, heart pounding. He hadn't—Why—

What was Meng Yao doing in a story about Wei Wuxian's high school years?

Taking a deep breath, Lan Xichen makes himself return to his desk. As far as he knew, he was the one who introduced Meng Yao to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, when the boys were in university and after he and Meng Yao started dating--

Lan Xichen can feel his heartbeat slow, as he tries to breathe. He needs to stop this foolishness over Meng Yao. They dated before living together for a while, that was all. They broke up. It happens to people all the time.

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were in college for most of that time, anyway, living their lives. They barely knew Meng Yao, even if Wei Wuxian's sister married Meng Yao's half-brother. They couldn't know how badly Lan Xichen had messed up their relationship, how terrible he had been to live with. It was his fault that—

Stop.

Stop.

It's over. In the past. A story that has Meng Yao as a minor character isn't going to mess with Lan Xichen's head. He's not going to let it.

He exhales and makes himself look back at the screen.

Meng Yao only shows up a few more times. For some reason, he's the only character who isn't tagged with his own name. He's there handing over the present to Lan Qiren, standing in front of Nie Huaisang when the Wens arrive, then in two last panels in which he tells the on-screen Lan Xichen that he has to return to Nie Mingjue's side.

Lan Xichen's stomach sours. He and Nie Mingjue had been close, before Meng Yao came into Lan Xichen's life. After that, Lan Xichen hadn't had much time for anyone else. That was normal, Meng Yao always said. People in love only needed each other.

Lan Xichen picks up his phone, then puts it down. He can't ask Lan Wangji about this. It would be weird. Wei Wuxian must just be making artistic narrative choices.

The chapter ends soon after, with Wen Qing and Wen Ning welcomed grudgingly into Cloud Recesses. The next chapter is due up in two weeks, the page declares, and welcomes any comments or feedback. A few people are already posting, gushing over the art work and discussing the teaser from the opening page.

Wanting to be supportive, Lan Xichen writes a small review, complimenting the artistic style, the intricacies of the outfits, poses a query as to the different colour palettes between the first page (dark, red, menacing) and the flashback scenes in Cloud Recesses (light, airy, hopeful), then translates the comment into English and posts both versions up. If Lan Wangji is going though all the trouble of ensuring a bilingual experience, then he will too.

He should go start dinner, he really should, but some part of him is drawn back to the first panel in which Meng Yao appears. He's shorter than Lan Xichen remembers in life, the long hair and braids suiting his face.

It's been so long since Lan Xichen last saw Meng Yao. He's not sure what he's thinking. Is he wistful? Mournful? Sad?

He doesn't know. He never knows what he feels about Meng Yao, which was the problem. He's not normal about feelings. Even Lan Wangji, whose brain is a unique and complicated thing, looking for order and reason and patterns in an illogical and messy world, loves fiercely, feels passionately. Maybe he got all the love in the family, and Lan Xichen got stuck with the stunted and undergrown heart.

Stirring, he pages back to the first appearance of his on-screen twin. The Lan Xichen on the screen looks patient, kind, a smile hiding behind his eyes.

He hadn't realized this is how Wei Wuxian sees him.

He picks up his phone.

> To Wei Wuxian: What an incredible achievement! The art is amazing!

> To Wei Wuxian: Where is the story from? As it's a work of fiction and has nothing to do with your real life ;)

> Wei Wuxian: Oh hahahha the story is a collaboration of a bunch of ideas! I can't tell u more (sworn to secrecy by my collaborators) but so glad you like it!!!!!!

> To Lan Wangji: Did you do the writing? I love the dialogue.

> Lan Wangji: Wei Wuxian did most of the English. I made it better and did the translation.

> To Lan Wangji: Have you told uncle about this project?

> Lan Wangji: He prefers to speak of my composition achievements.

Lan Xichen puts his phone down and rubs his eyes. The old tension between Lan Qiren and Lan Wangji never goes away. It started in high school with Lan Qiren's disapproval of Wei Wuxian, continued into university with Lan Qiren's disapproval of Wei Wuxian as well as Lan Wangji's decision to attend a local university for musical studies instead of going to Julliard in Lan Xichen's footsteps, and outrage at the news that Lan Wangji asked Wei Wuxian to marry him before they even finished their undergraduate degrees.

The resulting years had been a long-standing cold war, with Lan Xichen trying to mediate in the middle. Even the arrival of Lan Yuan on the scene twenty months previous hadn't softened both sides into anything resembling ease.

If Lan Wangji doesn't want to tell their uncle that he and his husband are collaborating on a semi-biographical graphic novel, Lan Xichen isn't going to muddy the waters.

> To Lan Wangji: It sounds like you're enjoying the project.

> Lan Wangji: Working with Wei Ying on any project is enjoyable. I read that couples with young children should try to engage in a mutual hobby outside of parenting.

> To Lan Wangji: Very wise.

He wonders if he should ask about Meng Yao, types out a message to that effect, then deletes it.

> To Lan Wangji: I should start dinner – see you on the weekend for brunch?

>Lan Wangji: Yes.

Lan Xichen puts his phone down. The days are long in August and the sun still bright, but he's tired and he doesn't know why.

~~

anyway that’s where this whole disaster is going. new fandoms are fun. 

[sakiye]

hey babe!! i know exactly nothing about the untamed, so please feel free to infodump about your favorite characters bc it looks interesting

🥺🥺💖💖

Blue, babe, I would die for you. 

and it is! If you watch it, it’s on netflix, be careful about triggers, and tell me all ur thoughts. 

Okay. i have no clue about how to say my thoughts, but they are there. 

WWX. Favorite character. I love him so much. And it’s kinda telling that I need therapy given the fact that I relate to him so much, but we’re just gonna ignore that. One of the many loml

Also, he plays the flute, and thinking about him in band is making me very happy. 

He would adore Wu, no matter what a certain anon tells you. 

Also, he literally deserves everything good in the world, and he is probably the kinda person to joke about his trauma so there’s that. i got the same thing on arthur’s uqiz so oop

Anyway, in canon, i would literally die for him, wangji, and the juniors and their interactions. 

Also, mianmian, another one of the loml, she/they queen of my heart, she’s the personification of literal sunshine, so sweet and yet she will kick your ass. She also kasjghakjshgkajshgkj, I just love her. 

Next is Wangji. I love him a lot and he’s just amazing. He also deserves everything good in the world and aakjsgakghjka just amazing. 

Also, thanks to Cat, the thought of wangji (in his full get up btw) dancing to EOEO is living rent free in my mind 😌

WAIT PEACOCK. peacock, another person that I self project so much. He basically has my entire issues with gender, and uhh other things. If you ever watch the show, you’re gonna hate him in the beginning. You’ll love him later, and if not, it’s okay. I have enough love for him for like everyone. 

Wen Qing is next on the list and she is the mean lesbian TM. I love her so much and she deserves so much better. Same with her and her brother (Wen Ning)

They’re all best friends cuz i said so. Also, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yan Li. I love them so so so so so so much. 

Anyway, i have no real point with this, so I’m gonna stop now.

[bettydice]

I didn’t expect you to be lonely (too)

Xicheng, Modern AU, JC&WWX reconciliation, E-Rated 

[Read on AO3]

Chapter 2

Friday

Jiang Cheng leaves the subway station, only to find out that it’s raining. Of course he didn’t bring an umbrella, so he pulls up his hood and runs all the way to Lan Xichen’s apartment. He manages to stay mostly dry, so he won’t be dripping all over Lan Xichen’s hardwood floors. Which would’ve been awkward and awkward is what he’s trying to avoid. No awkwardness will happen because Jiang Cheng is a mess of a person. No awkwardness will happen because Lan Xichen is gorgeous and sweet and amazing and… it will not factor into his behaviour today. He is determined to forget he ever-

“Jiang Wanyin, hello!” Lan Xichen opens the door, smiling, his short hair slightly tousled. He’s still very tall and handsome.

Fuck. He’s doomed.

After Jiang Cheng has taken off his wet sneakers and jacket, Lan Xichen leads him into the ‘therapy room’, towards a massage table covered with a large white towel. He explains that his treatment today will include some sort of ‘hot clay’ to loosen his muscles. After, Lan Xichen will give him a massage, but only a very gentle one for his neck - shoulders - jaw. Jiang Cheng once again smiles and nods, follows Lan Xichen’s instructions without questions.

He waits while Lan Xichen gets the hot clay (which is supposedly not gonna stick to his skin), takes off his shirt and lies down on the brown clay pad once Lan Xichen returns.

“Comfortable?” Lan Xichen smiles down at him. Jiang Cheng really needs him to stop smiling.

“Mhm.” It feels weird, but not uncomfortable. Any discomfort he feels stems from Jiang Cheng’s own issues, nothing to do with the treatment.

Lan Xichen wraps the towel around Jiang Cheng, tucks the ends in under him. He feels like a mummy. Lan Xichen fetches a smaller towel from a shelf and wraps it around Jiang Cheng’s feet.

“So they don’t get cold.”

Jiang Cheng half expects Lan Xichen to kiss his forehead and wish him a good night. Which is exactly the kind of thought he wasn’t going to think today.

Lan Xichen stands next to his head and, of course, smiles down at him. “Would you like some calming music? I also have generic nature sounds available. Or quiet, of course, if you prefer.”

“Music would be nice. Thank you.”

“Alright! I’ll come back in about twenty minutes. Yell if you need anything. And if you feel like you’re falling asleep - don’t fight it.”

Lan Xichen gives him one last look over, tucks the towel in a bit more, goes to the shelf to turn on the music, then leaves the room quietly.

For the first few minutes, all of this is just weird. His back is warm, is hot, and sweaty. And he can’t move. Being wrapped up like this… It’s like being hugged. One of those tight octopus hugs Wei Wuxian used to give him when he was drunk. One of those tight hugs Wei Wuxian allowed Jiang Cheng to give him whenever he thought he’d fall apart otherwise.

Another thing he wasn’t going to think of today. Or ever.

He tries to focus on the astonishingly generic music, on what he can see of the room (various exercise equipment, way less plants than in the living room, but still more than he’d expected to see in this type of setting, the white ceiling). By now, it feels as though the heat has seeped into his muscles, into his bones and his entire body just feels… warm. Maybe he’d go even so far as to use the word ‘cozy’.

Jiang Cheng, who never relaxes, feels like napping after… well, he’s not sure. He doesn’t know what time it is, he doesn’t have to move. All he needs to do right now is lie here and feel warm and wrapped up and listen to zither sounds and… Maybe he’ll just close his eyes for a second.

A hand touches his shoulder and he rapidly opens his eyes. Lan Xichen is standing next to him again - he must have fallen asleep. Jiang Cheng tries to sit up, only to remember that he’s currently wrapped up like a spring roll.

“Good morning,” Lan Xichen laughs lightly. He somehow has this ability to express amusement about something Jiang Cheng does without him feeling mocked.

“Ah, I guess I nodded off a little…” Jiang Cheng hopes any redness in his face can be explained away by the hot clay.

“Wonderful! Let’s unwrap you then, so I can stretch and massage your neck, shoulders and jaw. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Lan Xichen opens his blanket wrap, guides him to sit upright so he can remove the mud pad, then has him lie back down on the towel.

"You can close your eyes, if you want. I'll start light, then slowly increase pressure." Lan Xichen stands behind him, so Jiang Cheng can’t see him anymore. Probably better that way.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes and tries to hold on to the relaxed feel of being in the hot wrap. At the first touch of Lan Xichen's fingers, he almost twitches, but manages to hold back.

Lan Xichen starts the massage where his shoulders meet his neck and fuck, it's amazing. As though Lan Xichen can see exactly where Jiang Cheng's tension lies.

Lan Xichen works his way slowly up Jiang Cheng's neck, fingers magically finding the worst spots. Not cruelly digging into them like Jiang Cheng expected, but gently pressing, almost soothing, in circles.

It feels… it had already felt so good when he'd only touched him briefly. This feels intimate to Jiang Cheng in a way that's probably very inappropriate and maybe even pathetic. Nobody touches him like this, right where he’s hurt the most. There's no one who handles him so gently, so carefully.

It's the gentleness that's his undoing, he thinks. He would be able to deal better with it if it was painful.

And… He can't think about the time someone last touched him like this, because he can't actually remember. Because no one wants to touch him like this. Jiang Cheng is so prickly, he stings everyone that gets close to him. That tries to love him.

So they stop trying.

Jiang Cheng does not think that anyone has ever loved him for him. Has ever loved him as a choice. Yanli and Wei Wuxian love him, because he’s their brother, because they’re used to him, because they have big hearts that can even find space for someone like Jiang Cheng.

His mother loved him, he thinks. But it was not a gentle love and there are even days where Jiang Cheng doesn’t miss that love at all. He’s not sure whether those are good or bad days.

His friends were always Wei Wuxian’s friends first. When he told Wei Wuxian to get out of his life, and Wei Wuxian, who has never listened to anything Jiang Cheng told him to do, actually followed… he took his friends with him.

Maybe leaving Jiang Cheng was easy. Maybe he’s glad he doesn’t have to put up with him anymore. It’s not like he can’t understand. Jiang Cheng is not an easy person to love, maybe it’s even impossible. So why would Wei Wuxian, who can love anyone and who can be loved by everyone, want to live with him? If Jiang Cheng had the choice, he wouldn’t live with himself either.

Lan Xichen's thumb digs into a spot behind his jaw and the slight pain drags him back into reality. Right. The fuck is he doing, lying here, thinking depressing thoughts? Why is he feeling sad about something he himself is responsible for?

Why is he… fuck, is that a tear running down the side of his face, towards his ear?

He’s fucking crying.

But it’s just one tear, right? That can be explained away. It was… the light. Or allergies. Or...

He's really so pathetic, lying here, crying because he's sad and lonely and nobody loves him and his schoolboy crush is his massage therapist and this touch is the most intimate touch he's had in what feels like years and Wei Wuxian has a boyfriend he didn't know about, a boyfriend who's meeting his sister and whose brother is meeting his sister, and everyone is happy without him, aren't they? And Jiang Cheng will probably die alone and miserable, because it’s what he deserves.

Lan Xichen's fingers are so gentle, he can't stand it.

Now he's crying for real.

He can't help it. This is why Jiang Cheng never allows himself to cry. Because he doesn't know how to stop.

Lan Xichen stills his hands. There's no way he hasn't noticed, not when Jiang Cheng is drawing in a shuddering breath, when he’s outright sobbing.

Jiang Cheng thinks about apologising, but what can he even say? There's no way to explain this. If he tried to talk right now, it would probably be even more embarrassing than this whole thing already is. So he just keeps his eyes shut and tries to quell the sobs trying to escape from his throat and tries to stop the tears from dripping down his face. But he can’t!

He just. Can't. Stop. Fucking. Crying.

Lan Xichen lifts his hands, probably to flee the room, but then one settles on top of Jiang Cheng’s forehead and the other supports his neck, simply holding his head. At first, Jiang Cheng is mortified. Lan Xichen should just leave and spare them both the embarrassment.

But he can’t help but feel reassured by the steady pressure of Lan Xichen’s hands. He experiences a weird dichotomy of it making him feel less alone while at the same time emphasizing how very lonely he actually is.

So he tries not to think about anything anymore, only focuses on the warmth of Lan Xichen's hands, the uneventful music still playing in the background and waits for his tears to stop flowing.

They do, eventually.

For a minute or so Jiang Cheng lies motionless, not daring to open his eyes and face the undoubtedly horrified and/or pitying look on Lan Xichen's face.

Before he can decide on the least pathetic way to handle all this, Lan Xichen takes away his hands, gets up and says: "I'll be in the living room. Take your time."

Then he leaves the room and closes the door behind him.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck.

What is fucking wrong with him???

Who has a nervous breakdown on a massage table???

Jiang Cheng sits up and buries his face in the towel, vaguely hoping this is all just a bad dream. It would be on brand for his dreams: start with a relaxing massage from a handsome man, only to leave him crying and feeling pathetic and useless. The only thing missing is his mother telling him he'll never achieve anything and if he insists on following Wei Wuxian’s lead like this, the least he could do is be at least half as intelligent, did he really think she wouldn't hear about the fact he only got a C+ on his last math test?

He'll have to leave this room eventually and face Lan Xichen and apologise for this and if there's one way to guarantee that this will never be nothing more than a one sided crush, this should be it. Probably better that way.

Jiang Cheng lowers the towel, puts on his t-shirt and pullover and dares to look in the mirror. Shit. He looks like shit. Oh well, the upside to this is that his looks don't matter at all anymore, nothing could make this worse or salvage it in any way.

He takes a deep breath and opens the door. Across from him, a door is open that wasn't open before. It seems to be the door to the bathroom. Lan Xichen probably left it open on purpose, because he's fucking considerate like that. Jiang Cheng decides to honour this consideration and enters the large, bright, wonderful, fancy bathroom. There are plants here, too. A large bathtub and a walk-in shower. It should be so fancy that it's annoying, but instead it just… makes him want to take a fucking bath. It really is impossible to dislike anything about Lan Xichen.

He washes his face with cold water, then doesn't know what to dry his face with. Since he doesn't want to take a fresh towel out of the cupboard, he uses his t-shirt. The mirror tells him that he looks slightly less as though he just had a mental breakdown. Well, that's something.

He could just leave… But Lan Xichen deserves better than that.

When he enters the living room, Lan Xichen is busy misting a large plant next to the couch with a golden spray bottle.

A teapot and two mugs are on the low table and next to one mug sits a large glass of water.

Jiang Cheng awkwardly clears his throat. Lan Xichen turns around and smiles again when he sees him, as though everything is completely normal.

"Sit down, I made us some tea. I also poured you some water."

Lan Xichen sits down on the couch and Jiang Cheng sits in the comfortable chair again, immediately reaching for the glass of water. That Lan Xichen poured for him because Jiang Cheng just sobbed all over his massage table, his fingers too, and Lan Xichen probably is concerned there's no water in his body left.

Then he notices he's gulped down the entire glass, because he can't ever do anything normally or in moderation, can he. He puts the glass back, and steels himself for talking.

"Lan-laoshi… I'm…"

"No need to explain." Lan Xichen smiles at him, full of… Not pity. Understanding. Fuck, he’s probably used to having weird clients. "Everyone needs a good cry sometimes."

"Still… I shouldn't just throw my emotional meltdown at you, when… I'm really sorry, I don't even know why…The heat pack and the massage both felt really good… "

Lan Xichen pours him some tea, then himself too and looks at Jiang Cheng, considering. "Sometimes, things that feel good can be harder to bear. An unexpected kindness, someone being sincere… It can be almost painful, when we have hardship in our lives. And maybe we don't fully realise how bad things have been, how unkind, until we're confronted with something truly nice. So there's no need to feel ashamed. Catharsis is a good thing."

Jiang Cheng's first instinct is to ask who's ever dared to be unkind to Lan Xichen so he can go beat them up. There's a tinge of sadness to Lan Xichen's smile that shouldn't be there. Is that why he… Jiang Cheng would’ve preferred to be pitied then, if it meant Lan Xichen couldn’t relate to such a situation. His second instinct is to cry again, because fuck!

Jiang Cheng ignores both of those instincts, tries for sort-of-humour instead. "I don't know about this catharsis… I can't say I feel great now."

"No?" Lan Xichen laughs gently. "Maybe it takes a while to arrive."

Jiang Cheng is sceptical but he tries to smile, too, and takes a sip from the tea.

"Do you like bunnies?" Lan Xichen asks out of the blue.

"Uhm, yeah, sure?" What… what?

"Excellent. Wait here."

Jiang Cheng waits for… for what? What is going on?

Lan Xichen returns after a minute… With a bunny.

"Are you a fu-... A magician? Where did you-" The fuck?

"The balcony."

Right. A pet. Not a magician. Though Lan Xichen does look pretty magical as he approaches him with the fluffy bunny. All white except for grey paws. Adorable.

Then Lan Xichen actually hands him the bunny.

"Are you sure?" Jiang Cheng is already holding out his hands, because he does really like bunnies, likes all animals, really.

"Of course. Jade is very nice, you'll definitely feel better if you hold her."

Well… Jiang Cheng is not going to look a surprise gift bunny in the mouth. He carefully accepts Jade, positions her on his arm and smiles down at her, stroking her soft fur.

"Hello, Jade. You're very cute, aren't you?"

"She's exceptionally cute." Lan Xichen crouches down next to them and smiles at the bunny. He is… exceptionally pretty. "I'm very lucky. The bunnies belong to my brother, but he couldn't take them with him when he moved out, so they're in my care now."

"Bunnies plural?"

"Oh yes, there's also Cloud! She's in a bad mood today though, only turned her back on me when I approached. There's a picture of her with Wangji!"

Lan Zichen points at one of several picture frames on a shelf. Jiang Cheng had avoided looking at anything in this flat too closely so far, because he didn't want to invade Lan Xichen’s privacy more than necessary. So Lan Xichen's brother (and Wei Wuxian’s boyfriend) is Lan Wangji. They do look related, even though Lan Wangji looks as though he's never smiled in his life. Maybe that's why Lan Xichen smiles so often - balance.

He does not look like the kind of person who would want to keep up with Wei Wuxian, but then again, everyone ends up loving Wei Wuxian.

Well, most people.

"Cloud also looks very cute. Your brother looks…"

"Ah, Wangji hates smiling for cameras. And he's very good at not doing things he hates - an enviable character trait." Lan Xichen says this very casually, maybe didn't mean anything by it, but Jiang Cheng is still taken aback a little.

There's… Lan Xichen’s face is like looking into a pond that appears perfectly serene and pleasant and it's easy to miss the less pleasant things hidden in the murky waters if you're not looking closely.

Lan Xichen notices him staring, laughs a little embarrassed, then starts petting Jade, too. It effectively distracts Jiang Cheng, because now he's trying to stroke Jades fur without making their hands touch, while at the same time wishing they would.

"Do you feel better now?" Lan Xichen asks after one or two minutes.

"I do, thank you."

"I'm glad. Are you here with the subway or by bus?"

"Subway, why? Is it raining again?" Jiang Cheng looks out the window, but while it's cloudy, it doesn't seem to rain. He really needs to start getting into the habit of bringing an umbrella everywhere.

"I could drive you home if you want. You've had… an exhausting afternoon. And I've found that public transportation can increase sadness… But maybe that's just me."

"Oh, you don't have to do that. I've already inconvenienced you enough today.” By sobbing through his massage. Fuck. He should just focus on the bunny. And maybe leave the flat as soon as possible?

"It would be no trouble." Lan Xichen, still crouching down, still petting Jade, smiles up at him.

"Uhm…" Confronted with this view, Jiang Cheng forgets why he wanted to say no. "Thank you?"

"My pleasure!" Lan Xichen sounds as though he really means it. As if this whole afternoon hasn’t been a pathetic disaster.

"You're really good at your job." He just kind of blurts that out without really thinking about it.

Lan Xichen looks surprised, as if it’s the first time he’s hearing it, which cannot be true. He’s objectively very good at his job and at being a wonderful human being. "That's kind of you to say. Even though we haven't really started yet - I hope I will be able to keep this good impression up."

"I just meant… You make me… People… it's easy to relax here. And even after…" Jiang Cheng waves one hand towards the therapy room. "I don't feel horrible. Usually, I would be mortified and regretting my entire life and probably cancelling all further appointments by now.”

“Ah… I think Jade should get most of that credit.” Lan Xichen stands upright again and sits down opposite of him. “Though I am glad you don’t want to cancel your appointments. You’re very tense after all and half a session is really not enough to take care of that.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes sparkle with humour and Jiang Cheng gives a surprised laugh. For a second, they simply look at each other, smiling. Jiang Cheng can’t remember the last time he smiled this much. Maybe with A-Ling?

"Do you have food at home? For dinner?"

"Huh? Uhm…" Jiang Cheng thinks of his sad fridge. He's been meaning to go grocery shopping, but has been living off dry cereal and take-out the past few days. "Well, I'm sure I can manage to scrounge something together."

Lan Xichen frowns. "Is there a grocery store close by? We could stop there first. Or maybe you can pick something up from a restaurant. Is there something you particularly like?"

Jiang Cheng stares. "I'm not fussy." Lan Xichen seems to expect a more detailed response, so he tries. "My favourite food is my sister's lotus rib soup. It's comforting."

Lan Xichen's face lights up. "Oh, of course! I actually have some of that in my freezer! Your sister gave it to me when I was there for dinner, to eat on a rainy day. I'll heat it up."

"You have… You do?" Bunnies and his sister’s soup in one day? Maybe Lan Xichen actually can do magic.

"if you don't have other dinner plans. Sorry, I don't want to be overbearing or…"

"Are you sure it's not too much. You've already been too nice…" And he’s been this nice to Jiang Cheng. Who is a disaster and doesn’t deserve it.

"Ah, I don't think it's possible to be 'too nice'. And I enjoy your company.“

That last part can't be true.

Jiang Cheng is staring at Lan Xichen again, at a loss for words, until Jade gets annoyed she's not being petted and tries to escape from his lap.

"Maybe we'll better put her back in the enclosure."

Lan Xichen gets up and motions him to follow him on the balcony (gigantic, full of plants) and opens the flap to the bunny enclosure (also gigantic) so Jiang Cheng can deposit Jade. He can see Cloud in the bunny house but as soon as she sees them, she turns around.

"I think I have offended her somehow. I'll have to apologise later," Lan Xichen sighs, smiling ruefully at the bunny. "She's just as stubborn as Wangji, probably why he's her favourite."

Jiang Cheng waves to say goodbye to Jade, who ignores him to chew some hay.

"I'll go heat up the soup. Make yourself comfortable in the living room." Lan Xichen waves his hand towards the couch and leaves the room.

Jiang Cheng follows Lan Xichen into the kitchen, instead of sitting awkwardly in the living room by himself. As every other room, it's large and bright and cozy and full of plants.

Lan Xichen smiles over his shoulder when he sees that Jiang Cheng followed him and gestures towards the kitchen table. Jiang Cheng sits down.

"All your plants are very beautiful. I can't even keep a cactus alive."

"Oh, thank you. I have… Maybe too many. My brother frowns in a very specific way every time I buy a new one. But I like taking care of them and I like having all this nature around me." Lan Xichen looks a little embarrassed and Jiang Cheng doesn't know why.

"I think this is very impressive; you're able to keep all these plants alive. They probably all have different requirements, too." He looks at the plant next to him, which has long twines that are hanging down from where it's sitting on the kitchen shelf.

"Well, that one is very easy going actually. One of my first houseplants. I only had a handful at first and then it just kind of escalated." Lan Xichen has taken the tupperware out of the freezer and is heating it up in the microwave. He gets out two bowls and two spoons and hands them to Jiang Cheng, so he can set the table.

"I think I'd be too worried about doing something wrong or forgetting to water them and killing all the plants."

"I may research every plant I buy and keep the information in a binder. And maybe I also made a watering schedule." Lan Xichen clears his throat, but smiles. "Though there was the occasional plant I couldn't save, no matter what I tried."

"That must've been sad, after all the care."

"Ah, it was. Which is why my brother thinks I'm too attached.”

“Too attached?”

“He thinks I cried when it was clear my calathea couldn’t be saved.”

There’s a light flush on Lan Xichen’s cheeks. So likely his brother’s assumption was correct. But he really shouldn’t be embarrassed. There’s no need to be, when he’s just being sweet and caring and Jiang Cheng is the one who just had a meltdown for literally no reason.

“Last month, I cried when I broke a mug,” Jiang Cheng says without thinking about it. Then he cringes. Why would he say that and make himself out to be even more of a volatile mess than Lan Xichen probably already considers him to be?

Lan Xichen only looks relieved though. “Sometimes it’s the little things, isn’t it?”

“Clearly we need the catharsis.”

“Ah yes, I really should listen to my own advice sometimes, shouldn’t I?” The ding of the microwave interrupts them and Lan Xichen fills the soup into a pot, to finish reheating it on the stove. The familiar smell of Jiang Yanli’s soup reaches Jiang Cheng and for a second he believes everything will be alright.

“Your sister is really very lovely. Your brother was asking for the leftover soup but she insisted on giving it to me.”

Right. Wei Wuxian is dating Lan Xichen’s brother and they’re meeting with Jiang Yanli and having her perfect soup without him, because Jiang Cheng is a huge asshole and soup tastes better without him.

***

“A-jie, let me have the last spoon. Please? Xianxian has worked so hard today.” Wei Wuxian pouts and bats his eyelashes at their sister.

“Can you stop that disgusting baby talk? And you got up at 2 p.m. today, you haven’t done shit yet!”

“Hey! I did our laundry, didn’t ?”

“You just stuffed it in the washing machine and then forgot about it! I started it!”

“Whatever, you only pressed a button, I collected your gross dirty socks.”

“Jiejie, I should have the last spoon, because I managed to get Wei Wuxian here on time and we all know that’s nearly impossible.” Jiang Cheng lifts his bowl and smiles at his sister.

“Shut up!”

“Maybe I could have the last spoon of soup, because I have sat through dinner with your brothers and not complained once,” his brother-in-law has the audacity to say.

Jiang Yanli laughs, so very fond of them all, and splits the last bit of soup between all of them.

***

Warm steam caresses his face and Jiang Cheng blinks a few times and returns to the present. Lan Xichen is sitting across from him, both bowls filled with fragrant soup, and he’s looking at him with a question in his eyes. How long has Jiang Cheng zoned out?

“Sorry, I just...” Why does his voice sound so rough? He cannot, he cannot cry again. And how is he planning on finishing that sentence? He can’t think of anything, so he doesn’t, only awkwardly shrugs his shoulders, makes an apologetic face.

“Let’s enjoy this soup, shall we?” Lan Xichen, as always, somehow manages to make the situation less embarrassing than it should be.

They eat the soup in companionable silence. It’s weird though. It’s warm, it’s comforting, it’s his jiejie’s soup, which instantly makes him feel better. But he’s eating it without his family. At least he’s not eating it alone in his sad, too large apartment.

Lan Xichen keeps smiling at him in between spoonfuls of soup. It does complicated things to Jiang Cheng’s heart. He’s been so determined to ignore his resurfaced attraction to Lan Xichen but it’s becoming clear that it would be impossible. Nevermind the fact that Lan Xichen looks like … well, looks like that. He handed Jiang Cheng a bunny to cheer him up. He made him his sister’s soup. He’s just so fucking nice and considerate and gentle and fuck, it would be so nice to kiss him, wouldn’t it.

Fuck, why is he always doing this!? Getting ahead of himself. Attributing a lot of meaning to little things nobody else sees in the same light. Falling for people who know better than to do the same.

He’ll just eat his soup, let Lan Xichen drive him home and then continue with these sessions, hopefully without crying again. He’ll be a little in love with Lan Xichen the entire time but he’s very good at never acting on stuff like that, so it’ll be fine.

Maybe he’ll even be less tense at the end of all this.

After they finish eating the soup, Lan Xichen drives him home. Jiang Cheng tries to apologize again, but Lan Xichen just smiles and shakes his head. They agree to meet again tomorrow, which is way earlier than Jiang Cheng would like, but maybe it’s best if he can’t spend a week freaking out over what happened today.

He says goodbye to Lan Xichen. (“Oh, good luck with Cloud. I hope she won’t be mad much longer!” - “Thank you! I might have to bribe her with her favourite treats…”) He enters his empty apartment. He sits down on his couch. He stares at the door to Wei Wuxian’s room. He hasn’t entered the room in months, it must be quite dusty by now.

Jiang Cheng closes his eyes and lets himself fall sideways until his head hits the couch. He’s so fucking tired.

He wakes up when his phone vibrates.

Lan Xichen Just sending you confirmation that your next session will be tomorrow, 4:30 p.m. You don’t need to bring anything, but wear comfortable clothes. I recommend drinking something hot and going to bed early tonight! :) Also, Cloud forgave me. Here’s a picture, since you couldn’t see her today!

Cloud looks at the camera, somehow managing to look grumpy, but still very cute. Lan Xichen’s hand is in the frame, his elegant fingers resting on the carpet in front of the bunny. Jiang Cheng can’t help but smile.

He makes himself a hot tea, grabs his laptop, snuggles under his blankets and spends the evening looking at bunnies on the internet.

[sodrippy]

JIANG CHENG GIVE IT TO ME BABE

How I feel about this character

WHAT can i say about jiang cheng grfjcvndc like you know i love him so so so fucking much hes just. god his capacity for love and forgiveness? absolutely unparalleled!!

its bonkers to me that he loves SO unconditionally, that he is always second best (and KEENLY aware of this fact) and STILL loves and idolizes wwx so much anyway and never ever holds any resentment towards him (until the yanli thing and even then he says ‘you said you could control it’ like. god.)

the different ways his parents were disappointed in him left him just begging after any scrap of affection he could get and it breaks my fucking heart like. you are so much better and more than your parents reflective expectations of you man lets hang out and ill teach you how to hate them so it doesnt hurt anymore frhdjcxnfdhbcxn

but really just he loved his siblings with ALL his heart even when he was on the outside looking in sometimes, it didnt matter to him as long as they were together and safe and happy....

i guess people who are incredible and evolved and have never experienced anger dont get him (yes this is sarcasm. like. what is wrong w u lol) but the entire flashback portrayal of jiang cheng is SO heartbreaking bc he really does start out so young and soft and unsure, always looking to his siblings for his cues, and he is just shattered over and over and OVER again and how can you blame him for reverting to the parts of himself that are strong and sturdy and protect him, especially when he’s been conditioned so terribly by his mother to think that’s the only Good part of him? like?????

i just love him SO much and he deserves SO much fucking better rip to everyone else but im writing him exactly that 

All the people I ship romantically with this character: 

ok shipping questions are always weird but my otp is jiang cheng/therapy<3

but also must admit jiang cheng and huaisang have the funniest fruitiest dynamic, i can vibe w that bc theres so much comedy potential in pairing up two ex-frat bros u know

My non-romantic OTP for this character: 

is this just like. who i think they should hang out with or what? in any case, yunmeng trio 10 out of 10 times babe, they deserved to have the lives they planned and promised, plus i think jiang cheng and zixuan becoming reluctant friends after becoming brothers is fun to think about 

My unpopular opinion about this character: 

unfortunately and apparently just loving jiang cheng is an unpopular opinion which is dumb as all fuck like. wake up and get some taste you cowards.

okay so this isnt like, be all and end all and i do think itd be sweet for them to have a reconciliation and reunion BUT one of my probably unpopular opinions is that if wwx left in the finale, he should kind of stay gone.

jiang cheng will ALWAYS always show up for wwx, he did even when he hated wwx, and after finding out the truth it goes double. 

and wwx doesn’t mean to ofc but the way their codependency works, it always always leaves jiang cheng battered and bruised and its not fair. 

this is definitely VERY coloured by my own similar issues and personality so like whatever fhcxnfdscxbhn but i just think jiang cheng deserves to live his life finally outside of the ghost of his brother u know

the way wwx flits in and out of his life on a whim whenever it suits him is just truly so unfair and unhealthy and jiang cheng doesnt need it! thats all im saying!!

One thing I wish had happened with this character in canon: 

OKAY. so fucking much lmao. he really deserved SO much fucking more and the way he’s treated in the present timeline is kind of a travesty. 

yes i realize this says ‘one thing’ no i dont care<3 

he’s left at the end of the series with literally NOTHING. he just keeps fucking losing and losing and LOSING even beyond the point where he thought he had nothing left to lose like. can you fucking imagine?? 

personally i think (correctly) that he should have been the chief cultivator. lan zhan is busy being gay in the mountains like. THAT’S the guy you want running shit? the guy who doesn’t like or even attempt to get along with any of the other leaders and who lives a six hour ski-lift ride away with a walkie talkie radio instead of a cellphone?

jiang cheng is a proven and capable leader, actually gives a fuck about what’s going on, and his whole life was built in order to be that good and  strong leader. he lost literally every single thing he loved in this world and this one thing is all he has left. he should have been the chief cultivator no im not taking any third party thoughts on this. im right<3

THE most heinous crime in the series was they didn’t allow him even one fucking moment of being gentle and kind with jin ling. like??? jin ling is his only fucking relative and youre trying to tell me that jiang cheng, who’s heart is so full it bleeds through his chest, did not pour every ounce of love and affection he had for his sister onto his nephew? fuck off lol

this isnt to say jiang cheng should be super kind and doting all the time bc no, thats silly, hes very much a cranky yelling asian parent who says ‘ill break your legs’ as much as my dad does BUT with actual love this time. 

but like say when jin ling is having a FULL public breakdown on the pier right, jiang cheng doesnt even soften then? really? hes not gonna give any kind of serious comfort to his CRYING teenaged nephew? seriously? okay.

anyway. read my canon divergence fic Or Else. no literally read it im putting a leetle snippet of it under the cut- its jiang cheng scolding six year old jin ling and its the paternal dynamic we SHOULD have gotten and were HORRIBLY DENIED 

but before that,  send me a character!

“Jin Rulan! Come back here this instant!” 

Huaisang smiles to see the little figure stop and turn to stick his tongue out at the sect leader. Sect Leader Jiang chokes on air at his nephew’s audacity for a moment, recovering quickly and striding towards him with purpose, face twisted in anger. Jin Rulan laughs and skips backwards, and Huaisang takes an involuntary step forward as he sees exactly where this is going. The little boy stumbles as he lands a foot wrong on the stone, and goes crashing down. Huaisang winces in sympathy. The other sect leader in the courtyard is not as understanding. He reaches him just as the boy has decided that yes, this does hurt, and bursts into loud tears, but still Sect Leader Jiang stands over him, glaring. 

“Serves you right! This is what happens when you don’t listen! You’re lucky I don’t give you a real reason to cry!” 

Huaisang winces again and stops himself from drifting any closer. Jiang Cheng lets out a huff of air and crouches down. He puts a gentle hand on the boy’s face, and this instantly halves his crying. Jiang Cheng’s face is still scrunched up, brows furrowed, but now it looks closer to concern than anger. 

“Come on,” he grouses, hoisting Jin Rulan up and onto his hip. The boy immediately tucks his face into Jiang Cheng’s shoulder, hands clasped around his neck. Jiang Cheng rolls his eyes and exhales sharply in annoyance, but his mouth quirks up in the beginnings of a stifled smile anyway. Huaisang watches as he walks away, rubbing small soothing circles on Jin Rulan’s back and swaying just enough to be reminiscent of the swing of a lullaby. 

[satonthelotuspier]

*slides into your askbox* Could we get a 10. "Am I dreaming or did you actually smile at me?" with SangCheng or SangYu pretty please?

Thank you for the ask dear Anon, I hope you like the below, I went for SangCheng because I thought JC’s personality would fit the prompt premise well (because he’s not a smiley boy normally)

This was his own stupid fault, Nie Huaisang realised as his brother demanded to know who the sour-faced kid who Huaisang had recreated in his sketchbook a thousand times was.

And Nie Mingjue was exaggerating, it wasn’t anywhere near a thousand times. It was twenty times maximum. He hadn’t been here long enough for it to be many more. Yet.

This is what happened when you accidentally left things like your sketchbook lying around when your nosy, over protective older brother came to visit you at university.

“He’s just some boy from around campus” Nie Huaisang tried to play it off. Some boy who lived down the hall from him. Who he stalked every day on social media and drew constantly because he was the only thing Nie Huaisang could think about at the moment.

Nie Mingjue did not need to know this though.

“He’d better be kind to you. Why haven’t you told me about him? Do I need to have a talk with him?” The questions were fired thick and fast and the final was accompanied by the crack of knuckles.

“Da-ge, he’s just some boy. We don’t even talk; he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t know I exist”

Well perhaps the last bit was a lie; Jiang Cheng kind of knew Nie Huaisang existed, he just looked at him with that same expression of…not quite disdain, more disinterest…when they passed on the hallway of the apartment building.

His brother who shared the apartment with him was much more friendly.

“Why doesn’t he like you? Is he blind? Simple? Do you want me to beat him up?”

Nie Huaisang felt a throb of a headache behind his eyes; he rubbed them with thumb and forefinger; this was getting silly.

“Da-ge, you can’t beat someone up for not liking me”

“I can” Nie Mingjue said with perfect logic.

“Well, yes, you can, but that doesn’t mean that you should. Can we forget it? It’s embarrassing. And it’s just life”

He was surprised when his normally gruff brother put an arm over his shoulders.

“Alright” he agreed, “but don’t forget you’re a Nie. You deserve the best; someone who’ll make you feel as special as you are. Don’t you dare settle for less” his brother ruffled his hair then, much to Nie Huaisang’s annoyance.

***

A few weeks and several more sketches later Nie Huaisang was settling into university life quite well. He was quite sociable and had started to build a circle of friends, mostly from within his own art department. And he chatted quite often with Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng’s brother.

As the continued sketches indicated he wasn’t over his crush on Jiang Cheng, but it was an inconvenience he just accepted, telling himself crushes came and went and there wasn’t much point obsessing. He didn’t class the art as obsessing as such, that was his therapy, working through it.

It was a Saturday night and he and some of those art department friends went to a club with a decent dance floor. The first part of the evening passed with dancing, selfies, drinking and general good times.

He was distracted later on by the sudden increase in excited female voices from the other side of the dance floor.

What?

Was that really the object of his unrequited crush? Surrounded by about thirty girls from the social sciences department? Well, no it wasn’t, thirty girls was an exaggeration. It seemed it was a family trait. Brought about by the sharp jab of jealousy Nie Huaisang experienced at the sight of the five or six girls all over Jiang Cheng. Who danced. And there wasn’t a sneer in sight on his face.

What?

Wei Wuxian had never mentioned Jiang Cheng had an identical twin, so it probably was the man himself.

So why did he seem to warm and outgoing when normally he was so aloof and looked like the world annoyed him?

Nie Huaisang’s heart began to pound against his ribcage as the other chose that exact moment to look up and catch his gaze. His eyes seemed to light up as he saw Huaisang, and he pushed through the gaggle of girls, seemingly to make his way over.

A smile pulled up his normally grim mouth, and Nie Huaisang considered calling the police at how much it softened his eyes and the harsh angles of his face. This had to be illegal.

“Nie Huaisang” Jiang Cheng said like they were old friends rather than people who ignored each other as they passed on the hallway, “Dance with me?” he asked.

It was all too much for Nie Huaisang to process, the only thing that occurred to him to say was: “Am I dreaming or did you actually smile at me?”

If it was possible that smile widened as he nodded, “Dance?” he offered again and how could Nie Huaisang say no?

So they danced, Jiang Cheng leaned down to say in his ear, “You look amazing tonight, I’m so jealous of your fashion sense”

Jiang Cheng was a conservative dresser, tonight it was dark jeans, a deep purple button down over a black t-shirt and converse, whereas Nie Huaisang had a distinct style of his own, tonight wearing dark green skinny jeans, gold patent leather biker boots and a silky wide sleeved gold shirt, but he dressed for his own pleasure. Jiang Cheng didn’t put himself together badly, he was just conventional, obviously not wanting or needing to stand out via his clothes.

They continued to dance and Jiang Cheng continued to flirt, and if it went to Nie Huaisang’s head no one could blame him.

If he accepted and responded to the kisses Jiang Cheng began to initiate no one could blame him.

If he took Jiang Cheng home no one could blame him.

Jiang Cheng might never be that someone who treated him like he was something special like his brother had advised, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy themselves if it was what they both wanted.

Nie Huaisang should have noticed something was wrong in the taxi on the way home. And he definitely should have as they sat on the edge of his bed exchanging kisses; that glazed look that grew in Jiang Cheng’s eyes, the unsteadiness.

He only noticed when the other face-planted into his shoulder then slowly slid down his body, completely unconscious.

He was a little slow due to the alcohol he’d consumed himself, but he leapt to his feet with a “What the hell”, then checked the other for breathing and a pulse, thinking it was just his luck to have killed the man he liked at the kissing stage.

Luckily the other was indeed still breathing. Just out completely cold.

Nie Huaisang had assumed the other had had a drink tonight; you didn’t generally go out for the night and not drink. But he hadn’t seemed drunk, he’d seemed perfectly in control of himself; his words; his body. Nothing had said he was particularly far gone.

Nie Huaisang rang Wei Wuxian on his mobile phone.

The other answered eventually, he could hear the noise in the background signalling Wei Wuxian was still out at a club somewhere.

“Just to let you know your brother is passed out cold at my place”

“I wondered where he’d disappeared to, I was about to call him. He did have a lot to drink tonight”

NO KIDDING! Nie Huaisang kicked the unconscious Jiang Cheng in the shin of the leg that draped off the side of his bed, lucky for the other he didn’t still have his boots on.

“I noticed” the tone was acerbic. He briefly wondered if it was too late to take his own brother up on the offer to beat Jiang Cheng up.

“I’m sorry, did he do something to annoy you? He isn’t a pushy drunk”

“No, he just turns into a seducer” Nie Huaisang snapped.

“What?” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, “What happened?”

“Nothing” to my regret, “Don’t worry anyway, he’s here. He can stay; he’s pretty much unconscious”

“Honestly Nie Huaisang, don’t worry, Jiang Cheng doesn’t get handsy or lecherous or anything. He just loses all his inhibitions and actually becomes really out of character honest when he’s drunk. He really likes you but you’ll be safe, he’ll understand no is no, I promise. But I can come get him if you’re uncomfortable with anything he said to you tonight”

“He…likes me?”

“Didn’t he tell you?”

Not in so many words. But yes, if you knew Jiang Cheng was a super honest drunk then yes, he really had told Nie Huaisang he liked him, with actions more than words however.

“He’ll be fine here overnight Wei Wuxian, enjoy your evening” he virtually hung up on the other mid conversation, wanting to consider his words and Jiang Cheng’s actions.

It didn’t mean he would instantly forgive the other for acting like he didn’t exist for the past few months and then drunk passing out on him before anything of interest happened tonight. But it was something to consider for the morning.

He should probably make the other more comfortable instead of leaving him in the pile he’d collapsed into.

He matched actions to thoughts and arranged Jiang Cheng on his side and under the blankets.

Nie Huaisang was still irritated, no point pretending otherwise, but the other was going to get quite a talking to in the morning, hangover or not, now he was forearmed with the knowledge Wei Wuxian had provided.

[bwaldorf]

If you're still doing "send me a character", Jiang Cheng or Nie Huaisang 😁

yes, i absolutely am! 😁 thank you, kendra 💕 

> JIANG CHENG

how i feel about this character

it was definitely ... a Journey with jiang cheng, as you well know. it’s partly bc of how he’s initially set up in the plot at the beginning vs then going back in the past and coming to understand his character more. i really started appreciating and loving him more in my 2nd rewatch. so while i’m still signing this man up for necessary therapy, i really appreciate the depth his character has and how despite his issues, he’s a good person who just can’t always show it super well hhhh

all the people i ship romantically with this character

huaisang .. idk when sangcheng grew on me this much but i actually really like them! they’d be a very cute couple

xichen .. im not HUGE on this ship. it’s a solid good one, but i’m not very personally attached to it

my non-romantic otp for this character

wei wuxian ... something about their bond specifically (in cql esp) REALLY gets my heart. they really deserved better, even though things didn’t end off terribly

yanli .. bc the yunmeng trio is actually something that can be so personal

huaisang ... even without looking at their dynamic through a shipping lens, they have such a fun friendship and i wish they interacted more in the present timeline </3

my unpopular opinion about this character

no idea if it’s unpopular but i honestly think cql’s jiang cheng is the best. (which is funny bc i used to really have a bone to pick with him in my first watch .. i still do but it’s different. more out of love than before) in my opinion (thus far anyways, since im still reading the novel) it’s the most nuanced depiction of his character. still lov him in the donghua and what i’ve read of the novel so far but cql jiang cheng is just .. chefs kiss. i just really love how you can tell despite his anger, he really really cares about his loved ones

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

a better reconciliation with wwx at the end :( it was really melancholic and im glad they got to Kinda talk things out but i wish it was different, even if him and wwx couldn’t be the twin heroes of yunmeng in the way that they originally envisioned

we talked about this, but it’d have been very amusing to me to see him on those blind-dates mxtx mentioned bc i wanna see why this man is flopping in his love life so bad

also would’ve loved to see jiang cheng (and lwj tbh) post-wwx death. in mdzs and/or cql, it just would’ve been heartwrenching but kinda touching to see him coming to terms with his part in that and also what led up to him keeping chenqing

im also curious as to whether or not he actually tortured people who practiced demonic cultivation or not. bc i remember seeing an interesting post on here once about how maybe he didn’t and it was kinda his way of trying to find out if wwx was still alive </3 

> NIE HUAISANG

how i feel about this character

absolutely loved huaisang from the jump! he’s an absolute sweetheart and such a good, loyal friend. i care him 🥺 i’d have loved him a lot just as he was but then seeing who he became post-nmj’s death .. golly! i think it just added a lot to the character that i really enjoy. his character development is an underrated one i think about a lot

all the people i ship romantically with this character

jiang cheng ... for the reasons mentioned above! friends to lovers is always a good, solid dynamic

wwx ... i don’t actively ship those two but i think if lwj wasn’t in the picture, i could’ve absolutely seen these two together maybe? 

my non-romantic otp for this character

nie mingjue ... i really enjoy their bond! (still gotta see the fatal journey which i know’ll probably solidify this for me even more) though nmj’s a lot stricter with him in mdzs, they really do have such a nice dynamic. nmj cares about him so much T_T and despite him being intimidated, i know nhs respects him a lot too

wwx .... YEP! y’all get it, im sure & i don’t need to explain. but i truly truly love those two a lot and the slight growth we see in their dynamic as well in the present. i.e. that fan scene where wwx genuinely compliments his interests rather than poking fun at it like he did in the past :’)

jiang cheng .. bc friendship <3 u get it and im too lazy to write more

meng yao ... now ... don’t persecute me. and this is very cql-centric but they were like brothers :( and even in mdzs, you can tell meng yao did care about him in his own way before shit went sideways. ofc #nhswasright at the end though but it’s just sad to think about what a better dynamic it could’ve been if things had been different

my unpopular opinion about this character

erm .. i don’t really have one! i just would like everyone to remember that despite him being silly and a bit stupid (complimentary) sometimes, he’s also super smart and perceptive. even if it isn’t always Book Smart, he’s still a very capable character. like ............. in terms of interpersonal perceptibility (idk if that makes sense, if not just roll with it), i think he’s quite comparable to wwx

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

would’ve been obsessed to see more of his #Plotting both during the plot of the present as well as in the years of wwx’s death. like i would’ve loved to see him really setting the gears into motion as well as figuring out jgy’s role in everything. like i think i just would’ve really loved to see WAY more from his pov. i get why we didn’t in cql/mdzs but god am i obsessed with seeing smart characters work

would’ve also been really into seeing him with his saber. not using it necessarily (though him trying to practice with nmj overseeing it would’ve also been neat) but having him grapple with the complicated nature of the nie clan cultivation would’ve been very cool

i love how a lot of this is just .. i wanna know how nhs’s mind works more. like the scene with jgy’s hat at the end of cql, i’d have been superrr into what he does post-canon. in mdzs i believe it seems like he was maybe vying for the chief cultivator position and i think it’s doable in cql too so I Would Like To See It

some of this stuff is probably covered in fatal journey so im very excited for that

also .. am curious as to whether nhs’s position as clan leader would’ve changed post-canon. like would he have shown how capable he is or let people still think he was just a pushover 

oh ALSO one more thing . where is nhs’s bird ... i think we all would like an update 

send me a character? ✨

[lady-of-the-lotus]

Thank you @gusu-emilu  for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3?

26. I used to have more but I deleted them.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

211,726 – the majority of that is CQL

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

CQL, The Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, Sherlock, Star Wars, Venom, LOTR/Hobbit, Agent Carter, Arcana

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (sigh, my deleted fics had more I think)

Night at the Museum – Symbrock smut/character stuff/humor

Immersion Therapy – the sequel to the above

The Gang Goes To Family Counseling After A Series of Toddler-Related Mishaps (fluffy/cracky modern au with all the main couples at a counseling session run by poor Dr. Wen Qing)

Fractured Ice – xuexiao/xiyao roadtrip – LXC and Xue Yang try to resurrect Xiao Xingchen and Jiggy

I Promised You A Garden – the happy ending xuexiao deserved! (I’m sorry, Song Lan) – “disturbing fluff”

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

OF COURSE. Getting a nice comment makes my day! I appreciate each and every one, no matter how short or simple.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (ha) (ha) (….ha)

Better to ask which don’t have an angsty ending?? (a surprising amount, actually, but hush)

I’d probably have to open this up to the floor. I’d say even my angsty endings are earned, it’s not for the shock value. Perhaps Familiar Faces? My least popular CQL fic? I don’t dwell on the angst, as the fic ends right at the [redacted spoiler], but it’s pretty dark. Oooooh right-- You Look So Pretty With Blood On Your Face  probably! As I have more time to dwell on what happens.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

May I interest you in: Jiang Cheng Loves Jar Jar Bombad Mui & (the better one) WHATSA DAT TONGUE DO?: Jiang Cheng x Jar Jar Wedding Night?

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I too have been visited by the Xiyao troll! About seven times total, because they dropped the ball on a few chapters of “Fractured Ice” (smh).

Do you write smut? if so what kind?

I do, though lil ol’ ace me is all smutted out at the moment. I’ve written dubcon, necroph—um never mind, snuffmut, rotsex, Jarcheng, sex pollen, lots of blood as lube, sex magic, etc. The only “nice” sex I’ve written in detail is Jarcheng. Writing nice, healthy, loving sex just squicks me out and makes me uncomfortable. I’ve done it a bit for xuexiao, but in fics with other messed-up elements and dubious sex.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think my fics are anywhere near popular enough to get stolen.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had one podfic made, of Jarcheng 1! It was very flattering.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Symbrock will always be a love of mine, but I’d say xuexiao is my favorite ship. There’s just so much potential and f*ed-uppedness and anime-levels of cranked up emotion. You can do fluff, you can do angst, smut, domesticity, you name it.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Ace JC exploration. But the one I really wish I would finish/write is the Madam Yu and Wen Zhuliu fic that I have 13 chapters of outlined.

What are your writing strengths?

I’d say atmosphere? I like wrapping a lot of my fics in a sense of creeping dread or hazy dreaminess. It’s easier when writing from LXC or Xiao Xingchen’s pove. With Xue Yang, I tend to go more blunt and earthy, though I think Whispers to the Dead was sufficiently…is “atmospheric” still the right word? Lol

What are your writing weaknesses?

This is more of an original story issue than fanfic issue, as fanfic tends to reward it, but I tend to write too much, and then have to go back and strip things down and trim the fat (<- this sentence did not need both “strip things down” and “trim the fat,” for  example). I’ve written 140k stories I’ve gone back and cut down to 115k. Numerous times. I tend to ramble and overdo it on dialogue, but I think having switched to fanfic during the pandemic gave me practice sticking to the point.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m terrible with languages (seriously, I took years of other languages and came away with only the rudiments), so I prefer having things dumbed down into English as much as possible.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was Sherlock, a truly questionable Sherlolly fic that I’ve since deleted off Ao3 though it can be found on FF.net because I keep forgetting to delete it.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t have a favorite really. I have a special place in my heart for A Thousand Miles In Its Light. It plays with identity and proxies and the loss of self…all fun stuff. Consume Me Slowly I’m proud of in that I actually wrote the post-resurrection xuexiao I always thought I’d never be able to write, plus I’m proud of the atmosphere in the final section. OH how did I forget Jarcheng!! Okay, I might go with the Jarcheng smut because that was the most fun I’ve ever had writing anything.