#JUST BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS A LIL WORRIED BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE IMMEDIATELY TRYING TO START SOMETHING?

[mythvoiced]

@theimpalpable | the GBEP

If Samuel could will a hole into existence every time he so desperately needs one to just swallow him whole and drag him to the centre of the Earth, a coffin designed perfectly for the kind of messes he's been creating all around this already doomed planet, he'd have turned said doomed planet into the oddest piece of Swiss Cheese ever come into existence.

Which is either a very funny thought or he's bordering on succumbing to the hysterics curling his lips into that odd smile he can't shake off his lips, no matter how inappropriate it feels to wear.

His hands are pressed into his face, eyes freed still and staring at nothing at all, his fingers buried into the beginnings of his hair, messing what is already pretty messy on its own.

This is a nightmare. He hardly has the mental capacity necessary to recognize the possible and very likely implications and ramifications of the creatures he set out into the world, the slow march of decay swaggering about along the bottom of the ocean; being sat directly next to the direct consequences of his actions isn't any easier to stomach as a result, in fact, he's pretty certain that his desiring this to be a dream is teetering dangerously close to him starting to convince himself it is a dream.

Which, of course, would be violently useful.

A psychotic break in the middle of a bar next to a guy who's life he's ruining.

He groans, hands moving to slide over his face, rub into his eyes until he sees stars and begs them to come down upon him like vengeful angels and strike him off the face of the planet. Maybe that would do it. Maybe his death would kill everything he's created along with him, kind of like... killing the sire of a vampire...

"The Sazerac, please," Samuel manages to interject pathetically, which he assumes is not the tone of voice bartenders prefer out of their clients in terms of who they decide to serve and who they'd rather see out of their establishment in the next few 'immediately please'. Samuel has never been refused service before, never thrown enough back to give any barkeep reason to, never crumbled in public in a way obvious enough that it leaves any impression.

But, then again, he's also never half-assed a plot outline and have it lead to meeting the guy said plot outline had forced into itself, perhaps in a weird attempt on the universe's part to fix what he can't, to finally be the author he should be.

Oh, great, an existential crisis on top of the 'supernatural' crisis.

Samuel looks up when the barkeep returns with a glass and doesn't even have the energy to pretend he's surprised when it turns out to be water. He sighs, curses his existence with the exhausted resignation of someone who's given up on trusting in self-curses, and grabs the glass.

He manages a wry smile, charming and handsome, that the stranger is, which is perhaps part of the reason he'd fit so fucking well into the kind of story Samuel had attempted to emulate. Clichés upon clichés, all he'd managed to scratch together, who doesn't love a good explorer story and a Nathan Drake to charm anyone who'd swoon at the easy smile and easy wit?

If anything, Samuel is slowly becoming self-deprecatingly surprised he hadn't realized the moment the stranger had turned his head his way, that this is who he'd been looking for.

He'd tried to find something new to add, something fresh to add to the genre, something to stand out with, and that's precisely while it's now half-deceased and half-abandoned somewhere in a pile of notes with stories just like it.

He hadn't come up with anything that would have made it worth reading above others just like it.

"No, I... I don't think you'll die," Samuel finds himself uttering back, an open-mouthed drag of his mouth to one side to put emphasis on the word 'die', all while he unconsciously peeks over the stranger's arm to watch his sketch unfold. Oh. He can draw, too, he muses, subconsciously adjusting the glasses he sees reflected on the paper.

Charming, handsome, creative, extroverted, makes easy conversations and commands a scenario without ever making Samuel feel like he's backed into a corner by a personality much louder than his own. A guy, friendly, but not overly so.

Samuel has no idea if the plot chose him because who wouldn't fancy a heartthrob protagonist like that - which is honestly just embarrassing to admit - or because if Samuel could pay money to have any of those qualities...

The usual. Is he hot or do I just really, really wish I were him?

Samuel takes a big sip of his water.

He's loosing his goddamn mind.

He's hoping he won't die. He had briefly considered... perhaps a good way to stand out would be to... just...

He slams his hand onto the stranger's arm, eyes blown wide in a frantic panic to fix something he can't fix and prevent something not even happening yet. "Can I have your number?"

He gives himself a few seconds of sirens blaring in his ears before he connects the dots of how he sounds and recoils, only to lurch forward again, an odd dissonance of pulling away, but not appearing... what? Exactly? Damn the bartender for refusing him that drink.

"Not- not like that, wait- uhm, I'm Samuel, hi, nice to meet you, do you think we could...? As in, I would like to help. I think I might be able to- I think you might need my help- this will sound ridiculous, do--?"

He closes his eyes, counts to ten, hates himself a little more, opens them again with an exhale.

"I think I'm partly or mostly to blame for your situation but the reason why I believe that will make me sound insane. But I... need you to believe me and I think... listen, can we talk somewhere else? Maybe...? Or... some other time? Or...?"

[nyaagolor]

Ranking the Ace Attorney main cast on whether or not I think they'd be a narc

I was making a more coherent, serious post about the different approaches to justice each of the characters have and how that is shaped by their backstory... and then I realized a funnier question is what they would do if they saw you eating a weed brownie so I made this post instead

Phoenix: In the trilogy era, yes. He trusts people, but believes that trust has to be built on pursuing justice and always accepting the harsh reality. He'd be sad about it, but a narc nonetheless. In his Beanix era he's making his money through "totally legal gambling" and on the hunt for questionably legal evidence so I have no doubt in my mind there's a pot farm under the WAA for supplemental income. He gives up his narc ways and for that I salute him

Apollo: If I were to pick a single member of this cast who is NOT invited to the rotation it would be him. He had zero hesitation throwing Kristoph to the wolves after working for him for years so I know he has absolutely zero qualms about ratting out his friends or coworkers. Loyalty means nothing in the eyes of justice and it means nothing to him. He's a narc.

Athena: She's gonna lecture you and look all sad about it, but she's no snitch. She's been through the rounds with Simon so she gets it. Having to know you hurt her feelings is enough of a punishment in her eyes

Edgeworth: He's not a narc but he IS obsessed with being right, so if you don't immediately fess up with exactly what you're doing he's going to send your stoned ass to the chess dimension and honestly I think that's worse

Franziska: Unfortunately she is a cop. Narc.

Godot: Diego-era yeah he's a narc, but after the coma? I feel like he has better things to worry about, he would just ignore you. He has some soul searching to do and some grief complexes to unlearn he doesn't have the time to be a lil snitch. Post prison I think he's stoned somewhere in Kurain and chillaxing, as is his right

Klavier: Don't let his rockstar attitude fool you he's a narc and extremely annoying about it. The gavinners tour bus is dry as hell and it's all Klavier's fault. Daryan offers him a line and he gets all uppity and says "the only LINE i want you doing is the third line in the prechorus, you keep messing up the syncopation" and that's the end of that discussion

Simon: He's been in prison so he knows what's up. Not a narc. Might glare at you until you share though

Nahyuta: He's a narc and will lecture you so long about it you're tempted to turn yourself in to get out of earshot. He also never forgets and never forgives. Datz is trying to reform him but it isn't going well

Sebastian: Yes, but I think the idea of him having to turn in someone for it would make him cry so they end up comforting him instead. Kay thinks he needs to try a weed brownie

Maya: I want you to look at me and tell me she doesn't smoke weed. Not a narc

Pearl: I think if she found out that her big sister figure smoked weed she would have a heart attack. Def a narc

Trucy: I can say with absolute certainty that if you really wanted weed she could find you a dealer faster than anyone in the cast. Trucy is a magician and has grown up around a variety of people involved with some seedier institutions, she knows better than to snitch. Has not been and will never be a narc

Kay: Will help you shoplift. Not a narc

Gumshoe: A narc on principle, but would feel really bad about it and would probably let you off with a warning if you started crying or acting upset because I think he's a softie. He's not unreasonable

Ema: If you think she has even the tiniest sliver of respect for cops you're lying to yourself. Not a narc and will actively help you evade police out of principle. A homie, honestly

Fulbright: Not only is he a narc but he definitely runs the DARE program at the local highschool and is printed on half the posters they put up in the precinct. I'm also like 80% sure he doesn't actually know how weed works

[holdmytesseract]

moodboard by @chennqingg | divider by @jiyascepter

Soothing Your Aches

Jotun!King!Loki x fem!Æsir!Queen!Reader

Summary: Your caring husband is always there to soothe your aches - no matter when or where.

Warnings: protective!Loki, pregnancy stuff, nudity, bit of suggestive smut, fluuuff

Word Count: 1,7k

a/n: This lil' oneshot is based on an idea from @eleniblue ! I just had to write it, because it's so sweet! Also, I'm so sorry it took me sooo long to get this posted... Hope you like it nevertheless. 🥰

Ice Flower AU Masterlist ❄ Loki Masterlist ❄ Masterlist

"Have you seen the queen?" Loki addressed one of your personal guards, Ivan, as he was rushing down the corridor towards the throne room; emerald green cape flying behind him.

Ivan nodded. "Yes, my king. Your wife was searching for you. I told her you were out in the city." The king of Jotunheim nodded. "Where did she go?" "I saw her going into the direction of the royal chambers, your majesty."

Loki snorted, "I just came from there, Ivan. She isn't there." and gritted his teeth; feeling the anger - caused by his worry, rise within his body. The king just couldn't help himself. It was the fault of his instincts to protect what was his - like so often.

Loki took a deep breath; trying to control his temper. "You have one job, Ivan! Keeping an eye on the queen and her safe whenever I'm away is the only task you've been burdened with - and you fail." The king shook his head, while Ivan obediently lowered his head. "I apologise, my king, I-" The young Jotun tried to explain, but got immediately interrupted. "She is pregnant, for the Norns sake! This isn't just about my wife anymore!"

Ivan swallowed visibly; fear reflecting in his ruby eyes. Loki still tried to keep his anger at bay; knowing that this was the first mistake of your guard. He tried to have mercy.

"I-I know, y-your highness, b-but-" Ivan got interrupted once more. "You are dismissed for today. Now get out of my sight, before I change my mind."

The guard knew that this was his king showing forgiveness and mercy, so he bowed, "T-Thank you, m-my king." and quickly left.

Loki took another deep breath, before he decided to ask one of the maids about your whereabout.

"Tola," his deep voice caused the blond haired maid, who was currently cleaning his presence chamber, to jump slightly and shriek up. "King Loki! Apologies!" She curtsied. "You scared me a bit." Loki shook his head. "I should apologise. I didn’t mean to scare you... Do you know where my wife is?" She nodded. "Sure, my king. Queen Y/N told me that she was going to take a bath in the royal bathing chamber. I offered my help, but she wished to be alone."

A relieved breath left the Jotun's lips. "Thank you." Tola curtsied once more. "Of course, your highness." With a curd nod, Loki turned on his heels and left again; his feet leading him straight towards the bathing chamber.

He could already smell the scent of your soaps and rich oils miles away. It caused him to smile.

Once he entered the bathing chamber, warm, wet air and slight steam welcomed him - alongside your beautiful voice humming an old Norse song.

It's been a long day for the king and all he wished now was to spend time with you and especially to take care of you, as well as the growing offspring within your womb.

Loki quickly started to undress, until he wore nothing more than his loin cloth. Sure, he could've joined you completely nude, but the king didn't wish to 'pressure you' into something. He wanted to take care of you - and if it would include making love, he wasn't going to complain. If not, Loki was more than alright with it.

Smiling, he rounded the corner to face the big pool you were in; leaning against the edge with your head tilted back and eyes closed. One hand held onto the edge, while the other was cupping your swollen belly; gently stroking the wet skin.

Loki watched you for a moment; admired the absolute stunning woman he had married.

"I hope you don't mind if I join you, my queen?"

Your eyes immediately flew open at your husband's words and you looked over; meeting his beautiful ruby eyes.

You smiled.

"No, of course not. In fact, it is highly appreciated. Please do join me, my king." Loki ran a hand through his now damp curls and proceeded to step inside the water and swim over to you.

You welcomed your husband with open arms, of course, given the fact that you hadn't seen him almost the whole day.

"Hello," you whispered against his lips; crossing your arms behind his neck. Loki smirked; wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you as close as your almost five-month-bump allowed. "Hello, Flower." The gap between the two of you quickly melted away, as your lips moulded perfectly against Loki's.

After exchanging several much needed kisses, Loki settled behind you against the quite comfortably built pool edge; pulling you back against his bare chest.

"How are you feeling today, love?" He asked in a gentle voice. His hands came to rest underneath your belly; supporting the weight of your bump. "Honestly?" You sighed. "It could be better. The muscles in my back hurt, just like my feet do. I have stomach cramps already the whole day and felt very dizzy this morning. That's why I decided to take a bath; hoping it would relax my muscles and ease the pain at least a bit."

Loki nuzzled the wet skin of your neck and pulled you even closer against him. "Apologies, Flower. I hate to see you in pain and struggling." Your husband's lips trailed a path of soft kisses from your shoulder up to the shell of your ear. You couldn't help but smile; feeling the butterflies within you running wild. Wild for this man.

"Can I do something for you, my queen? I wish to help." Your smile even widened. Loki was the best husband you could've wished for. "Especially since I am the one to blame for this..." You could practically hear the smirk and playfulness in his voice - and giggled. "Don't say this like we both didn't wish for it to happen." "Well... Point taken." A deep chuckle rumbled through his chest, before he breathed another kiss on the side of your neck.

"Now, how can I help, Flower?"

"Hmm..." You thought; being already way too lost and addicted to his touch. You barely saw him today, after all... "Perhaps a massage later? But for now, just hold me, please. I enjoy your warmth and touch-" You felt a nudge against your abdominal wall and bladder, causing you to smile. "Just like the twins," you completed your sentence.

Loki hummed behind you; thumbs starting to trace a pattern in the naked skin on the underside of your bump. "As you wish, my darling."

After the bath, Loki wrapped you up in a big, fluffy, warm towel, and even carried you back towards your shared chambers.

"There we are..." He said; gently kicking the door shut with his foot. You just smiled with your head tucked in the crook of his neck; inhaling his scent. Loki set you down on your spacious marital bed and pressed a sweet kiss on your lips, before he quickly crossed the room in order to tend to the fireplace. The fire was still burning. Loki just had to make sure it was enough to keep you warm.

"Are you warm enough, my queen?" You nodded; giving him a loving, but definitely drowsy smile. "Currently, yes. Now come here, please..." Loki smiled, "In a moment, Flower." and winked, before he vanished in the bathroom, in order to fetch the best massage oils in the whole kingdom. You received them from a healer on Asgard.

Your husband took the comfortable chair, which stood a bit offsides and actually served as an extra seating possibility in front of the fireplace and sat down beside your side of the bed. His free hand inched closer to your body, while he threw you a smouldering look.

"May I unwrap you, Flower? I heard you are in need of my hands." Mischievous, naughty scamp, you thought with a giggle. "Please do, dear husband."

Loki helped you to free your upper body of its confines, but made sure that your legs and feet were still covered in furs and keeping you warm.

"Turn on your side for me, my love." You did what he said; presenting him your bare back. It was a bit of an awkward angle, but there was no other way than this for a massage. You couldn't turn on your stomach - for obvious reasons.

"There we go." Loki squeezed some oil on his big palm, made sure to coat his other palm as well and then started to gently massage your uptight muscles. "Mhhh..." You sighed as he worked on a particular tight knot. The king chuckled lowly. "Your reaction tells me that I must be doing something right. Does it feel good?" You giggled; nodding. "It always feels good when you touch me, my king. No matter the situation." "Thank the Norns then that I enjoy touching you very much. No matter the situation." You could practically hear the smirk on his lips. "Win win situation, sweetheart."

After Loki massaged your sore and aching back, you felt way better and relaxed - but your husband wasn't finished yet.

"Would my lovely wife turn on her back again? I think there are cramps who need to be eased as well..." You smiled; following his instructions once more.

The king's eyes travelled from your face down the length of your upper body; lingering on your bump for a moment longer, before his ruby eyes returned to meet your Y/E/C ones.

"You are stunningly beautiful, my queen. Absolutely radiant. Perfect, for me." You couldn't stop your cheeks from redding at his words. "Thank you." Loki leaned over to kiss you lovingly, then began to gently rub the oil in the skin of your belly as well.

You never thought that it would feel this good, but it did - and the babies seemed to enjoy it as well. You could sense it. "They pretty much enjoy the touch of their father," you giggled; looking at Loki. He smiled; nodding amusingly. "I can positively feel it, yes." You giggled again. "Now shush, my queen. Rest and just enjoy," he teased you a bit. "Yes, my king." You took a deep breath and closed your eyes; trying to be calm. You were kinda surprised that it worked that well.

In fact it probably worked too good...

"I'm relieved to see that this seems to help you." Loki got no response. "Flower? Love?" Frowning, he lifted his head - only to see that you slept in. The king smiled; placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and made sure to tuck you properly in.

Tags: @eleniblue @muddyorbsblr @mochie85 @asgards-princess-of-mischief @jaidenhawke @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @multifandom-worlds @mishkatelwarriorgoddess @huntedmusicgardenn @lokiforever @fictive-sl0th @lokisgoodgirl @smolvenger @hisredheadedgoddess28 @icytrickster17 @chennqingg @glitchquake @princess-ofthe-pages @crimson25 @elegantcheesecakecrown @buttercupcookies-blog @mypainischronicbutmyassisiconic @herdetectivetheorist @loz-3 @brokenpoetliz @km-ffluv @stupidthoughtsinwriting @jennyggggrrr @lady-rose-moon @lovingchoices14 @salvinaa @irishhappiness @sheris532 @princessdragon23 @xxannyxx @kimanne723 @mandywholock1980 @the-holy-trinity-l @loki-laufeyson223 @vbecker10 @buttercupcookies-blog @comicalivy

[pitchsidestories]

Girlfriend Material II Jen Beattie x Reader

masterlist I word count: 3223

summary: in which Jen Beattie falls in love with a sports journalist who is also a single mother.

A/N: based off this request here. We hope you enjoy this one and we agree with you that Jen Beattie is really underrated. As always this is just fiction.

audio transcript of the interview with Jen Beattie for the bookproject

Jen: sips on her coffee So, how did you..?

Reader: laughs amused do I have to remind you Jen Beattie that I'm the person here asking the questions and it's about the Scottish Women’s national team?

Jen: I thought we weren’t starting yet!

Reader: You said you got your coffee in front of you and that we can start recording that conversation.

Jen: I didn’t know you meant immediately.

Reader: So now you know.

Jen: okay, sorry. I’ll let you talk now.

Reader: Thank you can see jen lifting her finger Yes?

Jen: No, sorry. I forgot I’m not allowed to ask questions.

Reader: Maybe you can ask a few so it feels more like a natural conversation? Maybe that works better for you too.

Jen: Okay, fine with me. How did you get the idea to write this?

Reader: Easy your team’s story is very intriguing and inspiring. I really wanted to cover more than a story, and, in a book, you get the chance to tell multiple of stories.

Jen: I like that. But I always think, we’re just Scotland, you know? There are more interesting teams to write about.

Reader: Yes, I get that but it might sound like a stupid reason, but I grew up in Edinburgh, so Scotland is very dear to my heart, also everyone loves the underdog.

Jen: I like that.

Reader: So, what I’m trying to say with this is you can trust me.

Jen: I do. Why would I not trust you with this topic?

Reader: Good point

Jen: See.

Reader: going back to our topic, when and how did you feel when you were getting your first call up for Scotland?

Jen: chuckles Oh that was a long time ago but as a football player you always dream of that call so as you can imagine I was very excited.

Reader: Do you remember that exact moment?

Jen: Yes, I do. I still played for Glasgow, and I almost missed the call because I started at the phone for too long.

Reader: You did?

Jen: Yes, I’m not sure what would have happened if I missed it.

Reader: I guess they would have tried it again.

Jen: Who knows, right?

Reader: I think it was meant to be.

Jen: It probably was. I’m glad I took the call though. It changed a lot for me.

Reader: This must have been a big step forward in your career.

Jen: It is. I don’t know if Arsenal would have wanted me if it hadn’t been for that call.

Reader: but Arsenal did want you. Lily entering the room Oh sorry this is my daughter Lily.

Jen: She’s adorable. Hi Lily.

Lily: Hello, are you mum’s new friend?

Reader: Actually, I’m interviewing Jen for my book.

Jen: But it’s almost something like that.

Reader: True. Can you give me five more minutes, Lil? And when we’ll go to the park to play football like I promised you earlier.

Lily: Okay.

Reader: Thanks love. Sorry, so where were we Jen?

Jen: Uhm.. oh, Arsenal.

Reader: Yes, right, you got the chance to play there.

Jen: I did. Together with my Scotland teammate.

Reader: So, you must have been very young when you made your move to London?

Jen: I was 18.

Reader: Right.

Jen: Kim was 18 too when she moved to London the year before, so I was glad to have her there too.

Reader: That’s really sweet.

Jen: We both were the youngest and now we’re the grandmas.

Reader: protests You’re not grandmas !

Jen: No but we like to joke about it.

Reader: I can see that.

Jen: With all the youngsters here.

Lily: wears a Scotland jersey Mum, I’m ready !

Reader: Shit, the five minutes are over.

Jen: You probably shouldn’t let her wait.

Reader: Sorry, that’s so unprofessional.

Jen: No worries. I understand that.

Reader: Thank you.

Jen: Have fun.

Lily: Do you want to play with us?

Jen: I would love to, but I have training. Another time, I promise.

Lily: Oh okay.

Jen: Lily?

Lily: Yes?

Jen: I mean it.

Lily: I trust you.

Jen: I’ll see you soon.

Reader: Goodbye, Jen. Thank you for taking your time.

Jen: Thank you for inviting me. And don’t forget to call me, so Lily and I can play some football.

Reader: I’ll call you. Promise.

Lily: whispers Mum, she likes you.

Reader: I think she likes you more.

Lily: But she likes you too!

Reader: Do you think so?

Lily: Yes!

Reader: When it must be true.

Lily: Its true.

The London Derby was about to start. The crowd at the Emirates was roaring with excitement. Amazed, you took in the atmosphere from the side of the pitch alongside some of the other jounalists.

Across the grass, you caught Jen’s gaze who was standing next to the tunnel in a big puffer jacket. She subtly waved at you which you answered with a small smile.

Kim Little appeared next to Jen, telling her something with a stern face. You knew the game was about to start so you turned back to your work.

“Has anyone seen Lily? Jen, you were supposed to look after the daughter of your girlfriend. “, Kim scolded Jen on the other side of the pitch. Reluctantly, Jen turned away from you and towards her teammate; “You said you would babysit.“ “After the match! I’m in the starting line up, remember?“, Kim replied, more amused than annoyed.

Laughing, Jen rolled her eyes; “Ugh, show-off.“ Her smaller team mate gave her playfully offended look; “Hey, you’re still talking to your captain here.“ “Yeh, sure. I’ll go find Lily.“, Jen answered with a grin and brushed past Kim into the dressing rooms. “Good!“, the Arsenal captain called after her.

Jen opened the door of the dressing room where the Arsenal players were just getting ready for the important game against Chelsea; “Lil?“ “Here!“, the voice of a child piped up. The little girl waved with one hand from her place between Alessia Russo and Kyra Cooney-Cross. In the other hand, she held a crumbly granola bar. Jen walked towards her, a big grin on her face; “What are you doing here? Having a snack?“

“Yes, Lessie gave me something. And Wally promised to do my hair.“, Lily nodded with pure joy. Jen ruffled her hair; “Lucky girl.“ “Comes from the one who only ever wears a bun on match days.“, Lia laughed while she pushed past Jen and took Kyras place.

Carefully, she started brushing Lilys hair. “It’s the least complicated and most effective hairstyle.“, the Scot defended herself with a shrug. Kim rolled her eyes; “And it makes you even taller than you are.“

With raised eyebrows, Jen made a point to look down at her captain; “How can you even tell that from down there?“ “Rude.“, she replied before turning towards the toddler whose hair was now in a high ponytail, “Lil?“ “Yes?“ “Tell her to stop making fun of small girls.“

Lily nodded determinedly, causing Lia to start over with braiding her little ponytail; “I’ll.“ “We’re done.“, Lia smiled a minute later, satisfied with her finished work. Lily happily jumped up on the bench, standing on her toes to eye her new hairstyle in a mirror. Laughing, Jen picked her up; “Good. Because these girls have to go out and play and important game now.“

“Good luck!”, Lily hummed. Gratefully Lia patted the shoulder of the little girl:” Thank you, Lily.” “Can you give me a hug as an extra motivation?”, Alessia asked her with a big smirk on her face. Enthusiastically Lily nodded, opening her arms up to hug the tall forward:  “Of course.” That sight alone melted Jen’s heart in the blink of an eye.

In her bossy tone which was such a contrast to her relatively smallness Kim clapped motivated into her hands:” Alright girls, time to get out there.” While the playing footballers went on to the field Jen and the toddler took their seats on the bench.

Big eyed Lily pulled on the defender’s jacket: ”Jen?” “Yes?”, attentively the Scottish player put her little hand into hers. Deeply amazed Lily whispered: “This is huge.”  “I know, right?”, Jen solemnly agreed. Not long into the game Beth Mead scored the first goal which made Lily jump from her seat shouting happily:” Yes, Meado!”

“Good job, Beth! She’ll be so happy about that girl.”, the defender commented with a satisfied smile. A bit less enthusiastic the girl added:” Mum told me she had a bad injury.”  “Yes, she didn’t play football for almost one year.”, the Scottish Woman replied seriously.

Quite taken by that she mumbled: “ That’s forever.” “And her girlfriend Viv had the same injury.”, Jen explained the past situation to her.  Moved by those words Lily observed: “That’s not fair.” “No but it happens in football.”, the defender reminded her.

The mood was lightened when the little girl was catching where the older woman’s eyes were wandering:” Jen, you keep staring at mum!” Caught of guard the Arsenal player’s cheek turned red:” I’m not I was just looking if she’s looking.” “Sure.”, Lily giggled.

After the match she ran to Alessia, telling her visibly very animated:” Lessi, your goals were soo cool!” “Thank you, Lily! You were our lucky charm today.”, the forward declared beaming.

After the live recording ended you greeted Jen with a huge grin, while she was wrapping her strong arms around you::” Hi love, did Lil behave?” “You know her of course she did. She’s too focused on the game in front of her.”, the Scottish woman answered cheerfully.

Glad about that news you changed the topic easily: “Good. Remind me, where are you taking me out tonight, again?” “You’ll see when we’re there.”, Jen smiled mysteriously. Excited about what the evening would contain you said: “I’ll be right back I’ll be just saying goodbye to Lily and tell her that it might get a bit later tonight, so she doesn’t need to try to stay awake until we’re back.” “Alright.”, with that word the Arsenal player let go of you for now.

A few minutes prior Kim wanted to know from the toddler:” Have you decided whose jersey you want, Lily?” “Can I have yours?”, she asked innocently. The captain was surprised by that wish:” Mine?” “Yes, please.”, Lily nodded quickly.

Flustered the older woman gave the little girl her jersey:” Oh, sure. Here you go.” “Thank you.”, the toddler gratefully pressed the shirt onto her.  Trying not to show how touched she was Kim waved it off:” You’re welcome.”

Lily was already wearing the oversized jersey when you entered the dressing room. Your daughter happily ran into your arms. You wrapped her into a tight hug while you told her; “Hi Lily, I just wanted to say goodbye for now and that Jen and I’ll be back tonight. But I’m sure you’ll have a lot of fun with Kimmy.“

You shared a quick smile with Arsenals team captain. “Okay, have fun, Mum.“, Lily replied, obviously already distracted by what was happening around her in the dressing room. You pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before saying goodbye; “Love you, Lily.“ You could feel your daughters eyes on you while you caught up Jen outside.

Kim realized that Lily was confused by the situation so she kneeled down in front of the toddler; “Tell me, Lily, what do you want to eat now?“ “Can we eat pizza?“, the little girl asked with big eyes.

While Kim nodded, Leah Williamson joined the conversation; “Can we join the pizza party?“ “Please?“, Laura Wienroither added, her facial expression almost identical to Lilys. Kim nodded with a sigh before turning back the toddler; “Sure. How about we make our own pizzas, Lily?“ “Yes!“ “Alright, let’s go.“, the captain decided and got up to grab her bag. She took Lilys hand in hers while Leah and Laura followed them.

At Kims home, they immediately got to work, making small individual pizzas. “I’m jealous. Yours and Kims pizza looks so good.“, Leah complained, eyeing the ham and mozzarella pizza that Kim just took out of the oven. “It’s because Lily and I are a good team.“, she replied, holding up her hand for Lily to high-five. “True.“, the little girl agreed.

Laura laughed; “Not bad, Little team.“ “Thanks.“, Kim said, only partly annoyed by the pun. Excitedly, Leah took her pizza out of the oven next; “Time to eat our pizzas.“ But there was a loud bang that told everyone in the room that Leahs pizza did not even make it to the table. “Oh no.“ “Leah!“, Lily yelled, amused by the mess the tomato sauce and hot cheese made on the tile floor. “Yeah, I know, very funny.“, the defender sighed.

Kim immediately turned back to the kitchen table; “It’s okay, we can make a new one.“ “Lee, you can have a bit of mine.“, Lily offered, gently pushing a piece of pizza towards the defender. Gratefully, Leah picked it up and took a bite; “Thank you, Lily, you’re very sweet.“ “You don’t need to tell her that, she knows.“, Kim grinned while making more pizza. “Still. She shared her pizza with me!“

Finally, the captain admitted; “Yes, okay, it’s cute.“ “See, that’s adorable.“, Leah said. Laura disrupted their conversation, pointing towards the toddler; “Oh my god, girls. She fell asleep with her head next to her plate.“

A soft smile appeared on Kims lips as she watched the child sleep, a piece of pizza still in her tiny hand; “I think it was a long day for her. Winning against Chelsea is exhausting.“ “Very true.“, Leah agreed with a laugh. Carefully, Kim picked the girl up; “I’ll bring her to bed.“ “Good night, Lil.“, Laura whispered. Lily blinked tiredly and yawned against Kims shoulder; “Nighty.“

Meanwhile, you looked at your surroundings being in awe of the restaurant your girlfriend chose:” Jen, this is so fancy here.” “I told you; I’d take you somewhere nice.”, the Arsenal player replied with a warm smile.  Proudly she kept holding your hand until you reached your table and took a seat each. “Yes, you weren’t lying about you.”, you had to admit delighted.

In an honest tone she stated: “As much as I love Lily, you also deserve to be treated to something nice.” “She loves you too, in her kindergarten she refers to you as her mum.”, you confessed, cheeks flushing. Surprised but flattered Jen asked:” She does?” “Yes.”, you nodded cautiously, unsure if this information was too much for your girlfriend.  

The defender let out a shaky breath: “Wow.” “Sorry, if that was too much.”, you stammered an apology. Immediately she reassured you:” No, I like that.” “Anything you would recommend from the menu?”, you tried to lighten up the mood, but the football player was taking your hand meaning you to pause for a second.

Softly the Scottish woman said:” Love..”  “Yes?”, you looked up to her, your free hand was nervously putting a loose string of your hair behind your ear. A deep sigh escaped Jen’s lips, before she confessed: “I want to be honest with you. I never wanted to be a mum; it just wasn’t one of my life goals like it is for other women. But I’d love nothing more than being Lily’s mum.”  

“You’re already a great one.”, you confirmed visibly moved by her words. Equally touched Jen answered: “Thanks. That means a lot.” Because words couldn’t encompass how much her confession meant to you, you kissed her, hoping the kiss could encompass everything you felt in that moment. “I love you.”, the Arsenal player whispered. “I love you too.”  Her voice was filled with gratitude:” I’m so glad you were writing that book.” “It’s coming out soon.”, you announced happily.

Hopefully Jen wanted to know: “Can I read it first?” “Of course, I’ll leave you a copy on your nightstand.”, you promised her excited. A bright grin was on your girlfriend’s face: “Thank you. I can’t wait to read it.”  “I hope you and the team will like it.”, you bit your lip.  “I’m sure we will.” From that on you two had a very pleasant date night.

After the dinner you gratefully greeted Kim in her home:” Hi Kim, thanks for watching after Lily.”  “You’re welcome. She was really tired and already fell asleep at dinner.”, the Arsenal Captain told you. Understandingly you nodded:” To be fair it was a long, exciting day for her.” “That’s true. I hope you had a good date night.”, Kim smiled at you both. Beaming Jen replied:“ We did.” “That’s good.”, the midfielder seemed pleased by the happy faces in front of her.

“Mums?“, Lilys voice interrupted your small talk. The little girl stumbled into your direction, her eyes were barely open. “Yes?“, Jen answered. “You’re back.“, your daughter yawned. You crouched down, your arms outstretched and Lily let herself against your chest. “We are.“, you confirmed as you carefully picked her up. Jen reached over, ruffling the little girls hair; “Yes, and we’re going home now.“ “Okay.“, Lily mumbled, almost asleep again. Jen chuckled quietly; “She is so cute.“

You said your goodbyes to Kim and made your way back home. You placed the sleeping Lily in her bed, carefully tucking her in and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead; “Good night, Lil.“ “I think she had fun today.“, Jen commented from where she leaned on the door frame. You grinned; “Yes, they had pizzas together.“

“Oh, Kim just texted.“, Jen said in surprise. You watched her read something on her phone; “What did she write?“ “That she hopes we got Lily home without waking her up.“, your girlfriend summarized the message quickly. You shrugged; “Kind of. She’s asleep now.“

With a smile on your lips, you took Jens phone out of her hand to snap a photo of your daughter, fast asleep with her favourite plushie in her arm. Grinning, Jen followed up her message to Kim with the photo while you both left Lilys room. “She and the girls seem to like being aunties.“, Jen thought out loud. You nodded happily; “They do. Even though Kim always pretends to be annoyed when you ask her to babysit.“ “Yes, but she secretly loves it.“, Jen replied with a laugh. “Oh yes.“, you agreed while you both slipped into your bed.

Only as your head hit your pillow, you realized how tired you were. Yawning, Jen slipped an arm around your waist and gently kissed your neck once. Just before you two were about to fall asleep, Jens phone screen lit up again.

As she held up the phone and blinked against the brightness of the screen, you caught a glimpse of the message. It was from Kim, reading; “Haven’t seen you that happy in a long time. You deserve this, Jen.“ You could feel a smile spread on your face, similar to the one on your girlfriends and you couldn’t deny that you felt a little bit honoured by that message.

Jen put her phone back on the nightstand and pulled you closer to her. You both didn’t need any words to express how right it felt to be there in each others arms.

[thegnomelord]

Congratulations again 🎊🎊🎊 Fully deserved <3

4 with Soap and Graves because I am a messy bitch who lives for drama!

Thanks! Finally finished with my exam so I can finally write aaand i overwrote again :Dd. Play the game HERE.

CW: SFW-ish, kissing, bruises, true GN reader, undertones of puppy play but nothing explicit. Graves and Soap being jealous hoes.

Graves nearly chips a tooth with how he clenches his jaw while he watches you and Johnny make out across the bar. The way Soap keeps your attention, the way he confidently grips your hips as he steals your ability to think and breathe never fails to make Grave's blood boil. It takes everything in him not to go to you when Soap slinks away, leaving you breathless and starstruck by the way he sways his hips.

"Yea look like yea want to devour 'em." Johnny mocks Graves like he's just won Olympic gold, saddling next to him. "Yea know you're out of league when yea height starts with a 5?" He throws a bulky arm over Grave's shoulders, bringing his face so close their noses almost touch. Phill can smell booze and you on Soap's breath.

"I'm not the one slobbering all over them like some mutt." Graves bites back and pushes Soap's arm off him. "Compensating for something there, lucky charms?"

Johnny's so drunk off you he doesn't rise to the provocation, "Oh, a dog ahm I?" He sticks his tongue out like he's ready to lick Phill's face to annoy him. "Want this Scottish mutt to bite yea then? Show yea who's the top dog 'round 'ere?"

Graves grabs him by the scruff, though he can't get the right grip to make Soap melt like you can, only earning a feral grin. "Do that, you're sleepin' in the crate doggy." Graves warns and it's impossible to tell if he wants to fight Soap or kiss him. Hell, Graves has half a mind to get Soap in trouble so he can have your attention squarely on him for a lil' while.

The sound of your laughter gains their attention, their heads swiveling just in time to see some man chatting you up. You laugh along to some joke, not noticing when the stranger places a hand on your back that wanders too close to your ass for both of their comforts. They share a look like they're prepared to go to war; Graves gives a little head motion towards you.

You yelp when their bodies settle next to yours only to relax when their colognes register in your brain, but you don't notice how they push back the guy you'd been talking to with their shared bulk. "Oh, hey guys." You're a little confused when Johnny wraps a hand around your hip, Grave's hand slinking into the back pocket of your pants. "What are you-"

Johnny cuts you off with a sharp tug on your hip. "We'll borrow this for a bit."

Your questions fall on deaf ears as they corral you into a hallway, hands on your shoulders and hips until your back's flush with the wall. "What's gotten into you two?" You manage to ask, an undignified sound leaving your lips as their bodies pin you further to the wall, someone's knee digging into your groin.

"Shush Bonnie." Soap purrs and seals his burning lips over yours, immediately pushing his tongue inside your mouth like he's trying to steal your breath. You grasp his front instinctively, jumping when you feel teeth scrape against your throat; Graves isn't idle, tucking his body into your side so his head is in the perfect height to bite down on your neck, teeth worrying bruises into his side of your neck until there's a dark backdrop of hickeys to make the indents of his teeth more obvious.

Graves grips your hair and pulls your mouth off Soap's, not even acknowledging the Scott's quiet 'hey!'. "Just makin' a statement, darlin'." Phill bites your bottom lip as Soap buries his face into the other side of your neck, the taste of whiskey on Grave's tongue distracting you from the sharp pain of Johnny biting you.

Your thoughts melt away after just a few kisses, barely able to breathe as they make a competition out of pulling needy sounds out of your throat, one always kissing you while the other sucks hickeys into your skin. Graves chuckles as he tugs your the collar of your shirt down enough to dig his teeth into your shoulder, Soap quick to follow after him.

You don't notice when the man you'd been talking comes looking for you, but Johnny does. He gives a smug smirk and tugs on your hair to raise your head. Your unfocused eyes and disheveled appearance is only secondary to the way the lights overhead darken the canvass of bitemarks and bruises they've made across your skin, making you look like you've been mauled by hyenas.

The soft little sound you make when Graves purposely sucks on a bruise has the man scampering away with an obvious tent in his pants, and your men are sure to reward you with wet kisses for unknowingly proving who you belong to...

[someverygaymoth]

NIGHTMARE WITH OSDD

I love your headcanon and I'm going to take it and it into a 5-star meal🙏

May I have more please🙏😔 /nf

I love NM with OSDD!!! Yay!!! Free ramble pass!!!!

There are so many good options for this. I'm gonna go with fuzzy system of 5, where Nightmare(the corruption) is their host, Night(little guy before the apple whoopsidoodle), Moon(the hurt, scared, grown up version of Night), Dream(little guy before the apple whoopsie doodle), and Sun(a grown up Dream. The kind of brother he wanted and needed, but never quite got.) Lots of fuzzy cofronting, lots of gray amnesia and emotional amnesia with occasional blackouts.

Silly BSP hyjinks ideas:

Nightmare worrying, trying to find one of his boys because he doesn't remember that he sent them out on a mission that morning. (Killer finds him and reminds him that Dust and Horror are out on a mission, and not to worry about them)

Horror finding out they're plural and learning that alters have different tastes??? He would be so excited to figure out everyone's favorite food!!!

Cross learns NM is plural and immediately does all the research possible so he knows he isn't accidentally being offensive, and also so he can be more helpful. (He has to be the helpfulest all the time! That's what he's good for!)(he is so mentally ill)

Killer does the research in secret and then purposefully says ignorant shit so Cross gets scandalized and NM gets to watch them argue and have a little snack on Crossy's indignance and terror. NM knows he's being annoying on purpose because he starts doing really considerate shit without being outward about it. (Bringing back a bunch of sticky notes in different shapes and colors from his missions, casually asking him how to be more helpful, wrapping him in a blanket and laying on him when he's dissociating into high hell so he's nice and grounded, or just cuddling with him while he's having a long, slow switch. Bringing him water and headache medicine once it's leveled out, catching up whoever is in front now, making sure they know they're safe...)

Dust is obscenely good at telling who's fronting. He noticed way before Nightmare told any of them. "[Shrug] Shit didn't add up," is all he says about that. Nightmare has no idea what that means, but at least Dust can tell him he's doing the hand wringing thing that Night always does when he's fronting, so he can tell who's cofronting and giving him a massive migrane. He's just very watchful.

Evil ideas:

Moon is so frightened and overwhelmingly broken, for a long time. Nightmare can tell he's near front when he starts to feel tearful and hurt seemingly without reason.

Sun lashing out at one of the boys because he feels like they're being threatened (the boys are trying to be nice to him)

Sun feels helpless in the body because he has near no control over their tentacles. He can't protect them and that's very scary for him. He doesn't like feeling out of control.

Night had a phase where he would write in books, Nightmare hated this.

Sun has a habit of trying to convince the boys to leave them because he doesn't want anyone close to them. He feels like he has something to make up for, with all that Moon went through. He feels so much pressure to be better than Dream ever was to them.

More silly to cleanse the owie:

Nightmare's system is relatively functional and stable once Sun gets off his "hurt them before they hurt us!!" Horse.

Sun has a silly lil crush on Killer that he will vehemently deny if asked about.

They're silly and I love them.

[midnight-omega]

Anatomy hc

Okiii ur girl spent most of last night trying to figure some things out and draw some diagrams fr

This post focuses on the reproductive anatomy of my omegaverse. I'm gonna go through each of the 6 gender/dynamic combinations and give a little info about how I think it all works :> like everything else this varies from person to person so if this isn't ur thing no worries! If this is ur thing feel free to use it! But if you use my diagrams I'd appreciate it if you credited me be i spent a long time on them 😔

I also want to link this very in depth explanation because I did take a lot of inspiration from it for my male omegas! I adore this concept for them and I'll be using it going forward. The author talks about a lot more tho some of which imma steal some of which Im not :))

Okay lets get into it fr, be warned there are my messy diagrams of all kinds of private bits under the cut. Also if tumblr kills the quality im so sorry fr :((

Male Alpha

🌕 Let's start with our boys here.

🌕 Honestly they're pretty straightforward! There's not too many crazy anatomy changes here. They function pretty much the same as irl amab anatomy does.

🌕 They have a penis and external testes

🌕 They have a prostrate that can be stimulated via anal penetration

🌕 Male alphas tend to be on the bigger side concerning length/girth but this varies from person to person

🌕 Now, the defining characteristic of a male alpha is their knot. Only alphas have a knot!

🌕 The knot is soft tissue that expands during orgasm. This "locks" the penis into the vagina in order to facilitate conception. In simple terms, sperm stuck inside better change pregananant

🌕 The knot typically stays expanded for about 20min after orgasm, but this can vary. Any longer than an hour though, can be cause for concern

🌕 The male alpha usually has a larger knot than a female alpha and experiences higher chances of successfully "tying" (tying here meaning the knot actually gets stuck in the receiver)

🌕 An alpha can knot outside of rut, but these knots may be smaller or not fully expanded since they're lacking the overproduction of hormones that rut creates

🌕 A deflated knot is still visible as a ring of much softer tissue than the rest of the shaft

Female Alpha

🌕 oh boy, oh god, mother mary save us all

🌕 This one was so HARD to figure out fr... let me get into this

🌕 I've always liked the idea of a female alpha having a hidden penis best. One that's concealed where the clit ought to be but expands and pops out during rut or when aroused. I like this one best bc I'm not a super big fan of the anatomy set up of having a vulva and dick and balls all at once, and anatomically I never understood like... the concept of the clit swells a lil and thats the knot bc... penetrate how?? I also just don't like pregnant female alphas much! To me alphas impregnate only not carry

🌕 So hidden penis was my favorite option !

🌕 But once I started drawing out the diagram I immediately had problems placing the sheathed penis inside the body

🌕 My biggest issues were the bladder and pubic bone. The bladder I can move around easy enough, especially since female and male anatomy have it in slightly different positions anyway

🌕 But what was fucking me up was that damn bone

🌕 If we want to replace the clit with a penis the penis is going to need to run straight through that bone. The pubic bone in female anatomy sits right above the clit basically. In male anatomy its a tad higher up but even moving it up it would still be in the way of the penis

🌕 I could continue to move the bone or do away with it but then we compromise the human shape of the female alpha. The rest of the dynamics would look human in the hips and pelvis but female alpha she'd be.. little fucked up. Not to mention I'm sure there's some other wild medical consequence of removing or moving the pubic bone that I'm not aware of

🌕 So... we can't put the sheathed penis exactly where the clit is

🌕 I could put it where the vagina is, but then that eliminates the vagina entirely and makes female alphas unable to have penetrative sex and tbh I'm not into that give her a gspot yk?

🌕 I could move the urethra around, like push it forward towards the clit even more and push the vaginal opening backwards, or even combine the vagina and anus like the male omega but I wasn't a fan of that either. It makes her feel to male omega-y and less unique to me

🌕 Furthermore like... vaginas are low. Like lower than u think, clits are a little lower too. And penises are so high! So.. having a penis come out so low between your legs wouldn't that make penetrating kinda hard unless you had a crazy long horse cock or smth.

🌕 So I ended up keeping the penis sheathed like I wanted, but I moved it up

🌕 The penis head is a little above where a clit would sit but I still removed the clit from her anatomy

🌕 To avoid the bone I had to put the penis above it. This isn't super crazy since the vans deferens also comes down over the bone, but it is a little awkward because this isn't a little tube this is a PENIS. This is a whole long cord of tissue and blood vessels here and I'm not giving her a small flat cock to compensate she doesn't deserve that

🌕 So, her muscle, fat, skin, and what have you is gonna have to push out to make room for the penis sitting above the bone.

🌕 Insert female alpha sheath bulge >:))

🌕 tbh I think giving her a bit of a bump is pretty hot so I'm satisfied!

🌕 However bc its sitting right over a bone any pressure applied to it is going to be uncomfortable or even painful for her

🌕 So... ig if you wanna kick a female alpha in the nuts aim for her sheath fr

🌕 So then I was good for awhile, I had placed the penis in the body in a way that satisfied me and kept the vagina intact

🌕 But okay now the penis has to come out

🌕 The female alpha cock still sits lower than the male one, so we have to do a little more bending to get it to flip up in proper penis formation

🌕 No problem, I'll just give the female a longer base after the knot and said base will be way more bendy than a real penis np np

🌕 Okay but... if we have a noodle base how is the erection staying erect and not just becoming a top heavy string of stuck blood that flops tf over

🌕 Insert what I did with the labia

🌕 I want female alphas to enjoy vaginal sex if they want to mostly for kinky reasons yk but its my world so!

🌕 But this means that I don't really wanna touch the labia around the vagina, they should still get looser during arousal they should still be fun to play with yada yada yada

🌕 But the penis needs something to lock it upright. So I split the labia into even more parts.

🌕 On irl afab anatomy theres the inner and outer labia and that's that. On the female alpha tho I had to get creative. I gave her her inner and outer labia that would function normally

🌕 Then I gave her another set around the exit of her sheath. I called them! The penile labia for lack of creativity and anatomical knowledge! Unlike the outer and inner labia around the vagina, these ones stiffen and lock up during arousal after the penis has been unleashed. This keeps it out and helps it stand!

🌕 I also gave her a middle labia. This is an extremely tough piece of muscle that separates her upper and lower sets of lips. The middle labia supports our bendy base even more and tends to get engorged and may even expand a little to support the weight of the cock and knot

🌕 This isn't fool proof by ANY means and I'm sure ppl who know anatomy better than me have a million issues rn but yk what? This makes sense to me and took me awhile to figure it out fr so I'm content

🌕 Now... I gave her a uterus-like structure and still called it "uterus" for lack of better term. this is not a functioning uterus so female alphas cannot conceive

🌕 But in this model I have this uterus act more like a muscle that helps push the penis out of the sheath. Believable? Idk but its chill with me

🌕 The female knot is generally a littler smaller than the male knot because it's gotta fit in the body

🌕 The knot here doesn't even begin to expand until the penis is unsheathed, whereas in males it may puff up slightly on initial arousal

🌕 Since I did not give her balls, her testes are inside the body where the ovaries would typically be

🌕 insert the part where I tell you alpha sperm does not need to be cool. It can survive higher temperatures which also makes sense considering omegas practically have heat strokes during heat, the sperm would need to be a little tougher.

🌕 But then why do males have balls? I got u fam ! Bc while they can survive in warmer temperatures that does not mean they thrive there. The healthiest swimmers are still kept a little cooler. Female alphas may be less fertile even because of this which could be some fun plot points bc i love female alphas pls write them more

🌕 That was so LONG but I think that's it for her

Male Beta

🌙 The male beta doesn't really have anything super atypical from irl amab bodies.

🌙 The penis of a beta tends to be a lil smaller than an alpha's but bigger than an omegas, but again this isn't always the case!

🌙 We do have a prostate for fun anal times if desired

🌙 Beta sperm is not as heat resistant as alpha sperm. They can impregnate other betas just fine but may struggle with an omega in heat. It's suggested that b/o couples try conceiving outside of heat with the help of fertility experts :>

🌙 Male betas cannot conceive, they have no uterus or vagina

🌙 Betas do not knot!

Female Beta

🌙 Again, not a lot of differences to talk about here, typical afab anatomy

🌙 It is worth noting that in my verse I am not giving female betas periods bc thats mean

🌙 For this reason their endometrium is thinner than ours so the body can reabsorb it without a true heat easier

🌙 I'll also say that beta eggs are just built different for this thinner endometrium

🌙 usually you need a certain thickness for the egg to embed properly to the uterine wall, but imma say that for whatever reason beta eggs are totally chill with a thin lining. They have a better grip or smth ig!

🌙 This allows my girls to get pregnant without an extra added issue due to my silly anatomy choices

🌙 It also makes her different from the female omega which I'll talk about later :))

Male Omega

🌑 Okay ya'll get ready for shitshow number two

🌑 actually the male omega wasn't as bad to figure out mostly bc I stole the idea of the epivagina from the author I linked above the cut!!

🌑 I'll sum up if you don't want to read through the link (you should tho it's really interesting stuff you might wanna use in ur own verse!)

🌑 So like the female alpha there are depictions I don't like when it comes to the male omega. I don't like them not having a uterus and just being... a guy? Like having nothing about them that makes them different than a male beta. Also, like how I said I don't like pregnant alphas, I don't like omegas that can impregnate.

🌑 I'm also not a fan of not giving them a penis and having them only have a vagina and uterus. What makes the two omega genders different then? Breasts? Not a fan tbh considering I like my male omegas to breastfeed with their lil pregnancy boobies (cancer in venus I like boobies and lactation not sorry)

🌑 Basically I want my mpreg and I want my penis too

🌑 So, like the female alpha, we have to give them both parts.

🌑 Since there's not a ton of room between the balls and the anus (the taint is only so big yall) I'm not a fan of just giving them a vulva here

🌑 I'm also not a big fan of the birth canal that develops from the taint when pregnant just bc it doesn't make sense to me that the body just forms and unforms a hole that they have to push out a baby the size of a small melon through. Like in that case pregnancy must be excruciatingly painful on top of pregnancy already being painful and hard

🌑 So... butt babies. Except not quite

🌑 The popular option is the cloaca but... I have issues with that too

🌑 If you read the chapter on male omegas on the ao3 link you can see why. A short cloaca definitely results in poop in the vagina. I don't think I need to explain why poop in the vagina is like the worst thing. As the author points out it also makes it difficult for fun oral time just bc the amount of infections you can get from... constant ass licking/fucking especially bc I haven't seen any male omegas telling their alphas omg wait i need to shower, shit, and have an enema first

🌑 The long cloaca can work ig but then the penis never enters the vagina and thats just not fun. The male omega would never be able to have vaginal sex fr :((

🌑 So I'm going with what the author made up! The epivagina!

🌑 The epivagina is a strong valve-like muscle kinda like the middle labia in alpha females.

🌑 During non horny times the epivagina remains positioned in a way that closes off the vaginal opening. No penetration without literal tearing can take place with it closed. The anus is open and free for poop!

🌑 During heat and arousal the epivagina switches the other way opening the vagina and closing the anus so the opposite is true

🌑 You do not have to be in heat for the vagina to open btw! Just turned on

🌑 During birth we can just assume the sphincters and muscles around this anus and vagina were built for stretching, though it might be recommend for male omegas to anal train a bit to get all our muscles ready for it (there are literally butt plugs the size of a child's head so we can train out asses a lil)

🌑 Now the drawback to this would be that... you cannot have anal with a male omega if he's turned on. Tbh that's okay with me since i'm not really into anal anyway! If it's not okay with u then.. idk change it to fit ur kink babe im not stopping u

🌑 It also kinda acts as a rape defense too in a way.... like a duck if we're not turned on good luck entering the vagina. ofc... the exception to this is heat in heat it's p much always open unless we need to shit rn so ig vaginal rape protection in heat isn't a thing but it's neat outside of heat

🌑 Male omegas do produce very small amounts of sperm but they're such sad little boys it's basically impossible to get pregnant from them. Most of them have clear orgasms if they come from their cocks at all.

🌑 I did raise their balls a bit back into the body. We're still descended but not... exactly the whole way if that makes sense. Our sperm just isn't as cool this way and it's not heat resistant fr!

🌑 Bc omegas get so hot during their heats this can also decrease or fully kill off any remaining sperm production.

🌑 Technically this way you can still get pregnant by a male omega if you're a female beta/omega but.... bc its my verse and I don't really want that I'm gonna say it happens like once in a century it is not really a thing

🌑 The penis here is smaller than anyone else's, but not as small as you'd think. I'm not going the whole micropenis route with them you can still be satisfied through penetration with my male omegas!

🌑 Like the author, I also like the concept of giving them a prostate and an internal clit >:))

🌑 no real reason other than 3 ways for my boys to orgasm and I like it

Female Omega

🌑 Pretty similar to the female beta, not too much difference from irl afab anatomy

🌑 The biggest difference between a female beta and female omega are:

🌑 Slick production (beta's do not produce slick)

🌑 The endometrium

🌑 I gave my beta's a thinner one so their bodies can absorb it and we can avoid menstruation!

🌑 Well in female omegas the endometrium is thicker, about the same as the average one irl or maybe even a little thicker than that.

🌑 Her eggs just aren't as good as gripping just like irl fr, so we need a lot of cushion for them

🌑 especially since female omegas tend to release more than one egg a cycle (2-4 is normal) so if we're all embedding we need more room to do it

🌑 A female omega also can reabsorb her endometrium no worries I am not giving her a period either

🌑 Instead I'm going to say that heat has 3 phases. Pre heat where we get ready for ovulation that lasts about 3-4 days, heat heat which lasts about 1-2 days or less. This is when we are fertile we need to get pregnant NOW, and then post heat which lasts about 3 days where our body temperature is still extremely high and we're still horny and feverous but the egg has passed alas. Its during post heat that we reabsorb and break down the endometrium. Sometimes we might see a little blood a lil spotting yk, but for the most part our heat stroke helps us absorb it idc if that's unreasonable its what imma say

🌑 The term heat usually includes heat and post heat but not pre heat (I mean you get off work for heat and post heat and we use the term heat as a collective to include that 5 or so days but this doesn't include the pre heat) but i'll do a different post for heats later !

I think thats everything if you survived all that thank you for indulging me fr! Feel free to pop in my askbox if you wanna talk about smth and like I said in the beginning feel free to steal but pls credit my diagrams if u use them :))

[glimmerlofsea]

Dacre Montgomery x Reader

WRONG POISON

Warning : drunk!reader, backstreet relationship :(, a lil bit angst... Cursing words, dacre being an asshole (maybe¿) I'll let you guys judge him

WC; 2,2k

#TALKISSA; like in the warning that you have a backstreet relationship, then you get drunk and take it all out on Dacre. I also suggest listening to the song "Let you break my heart Again" by Laufey! But I promise you a happy ending, don't worry! :D

It started with Dacre, who had a busy shooting schedule because of his ongoing project. But he can't spare any time for you.

You were at your house, waiting for him who said would visit you at 9 pm, but it was already 11 pm. You have prepared his favorite snacks, including chocolate which makes you always remember him. His no-show's got you feeling bummed, but what else is different? It was always like this and ended like this.

Every time this happens, you always go to the bar near your house—which could be said to be the bar you've always been a regular at.

Your friend is there, his name is George, he is a bartender who is definitely not a jerk like other bartenders who keep trying to harass you.

You came in your brown coat and wore black cuffs and black culottes, tied your hair in a messy bun,

When you got there you immediately took your seat, George had shown a friendly welcome when you arrived, you two did a little 'special high five' that only the two of you could do. You and George weren't that close but when it came to the bar you really were like old pal.

"As usual?" George asked as he wiped the glass with the rag he was holding.

You smiled weakly and nodded, "Always. Or give me your best shot."

"Got it, ma'am."

Going to the bar for you is not to have fun but to free your thoughts that are clumped on one side, which makes your head more dizzy than usual. And George's concoction of alcohol? Fantastic. You enjoyed every sip you took of the beer George gave you.

You're strong against alcohol, except right now you're feeling really dizzy and can't see properly.

Your cell phone rings, you see an incoming message from an unknown number,

It was from Robert, Dacre's envoy who he sent to watch over you while Dacre couldn't be by your side.

You chuckled when you saw his message which read,

"Mr. Montgomery doesn't like you being alone at the bar, and stop talking to the bartender."

You turned off your phone and put it in your bag, “He knows what.” You babbled then raised your hand to signal George to give you another toast.

But you never got that toast again since someone grabbed you, luckily you managed to pull your bag. The person was wearing a black hoodie, as if hiding his face from everyone.

You continued to smile and rolled your eyes, he took you to the side of the bar.

With him taking off his hoodie you already know who it is,

"Finally, you showed yourself?" You asked with a dazed smile, you hit your forehead so you could see clearly, because now your body is really swaying here and there if Dacre doesn't hold your hand.

Dacre didn't show any expression, he looked mad and you didn't care, he had to stop being selfish and had to know your feelings too, "You have to stop doing this."

You chuckled, "Doing this? What? Getting drunk without my precious little boyfriend?"

"Y/N." He warned, "You're drunk."

"Why? I can't get drunk? Bloody hell, once I'm drunk, I'm alone, always alone. Meanwhile, you? You're having fun laughing with your co-star, precisely girls who's in your arms."

You let go of his hand from yours, threw it away, and tried to hold back your tears as best as possible, "Can't you just think about my feelings for once?" You took a deep breath, "I'm tired. I'm tired Dacre, of this relationship. I feel like we don't even in a relationship."

Dacre took a deep breath, "I told you starting this was a consequence, right?"

You laughed in disbelief, "So you only see our relationship as a consequence? Are you fucking serious?"

"You agreed to hide this relationship, Y/N. You can't just get angry with me,"

"So you blame me?"

Dacre closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, "That's not—"

You raised your hand to stop him, "No, listen. Use your damn ears and listen up, or maybe, just maybe, try using that neglected heart of yours for once."

Dacre was silent, he had never heard you speak in a rude way like this.

"I love you, Dacre, you are the best thing," You took a breath, emphasizing the sentence you once again, "The best thing that ever happened in my life. When my world fell apart, when no one stayed in my life, not even my mother, father, and my family, but you. That's the reason I love you."

You still haven't let him speak again, "But now I realize, I was only focused on the reason I loved you and wanted to live with you. Do you even love me, Dacre? I don't remember the last time we said those words together. I can't remember when you were actually beside me, instead of sending that fucking Robert, you think sending someone will show that you love me?"

"No. That's a fucking no."

Without you realizing it, your face is already wet from your tears, this only makes you even more dizzy and you look at yourself in shadows.

"I don't want to talk to you."

Is this the end? The reason Dacre only kept silent is because he is trying to digest all the words that you are slowly spitting out, is that what you have been feeling all this time?

"Why didn't you tell me?" Dacre asked trying to hold you back but you threw his hand away,

"Like you even care enough to listen." Your reply showed a resigned smile.

You walked away from him but you couldn't help it, your head was really blowing up right now and your body was swaying, luckily Dacre was holding you, you groaned in pain,

“Did you drink vodka?” Dacre asked.

"I don't know, I drank whatever I could drink." You replied irritably while holding your forehead.

Vodka is one of the alcohols that you are allergic to, oh, how you hate it, you passed out there after letting out your smack? Unbelieveable.

You opened your eyes, groaning because you still felt the imprint pressing on your head, but you felt better,

You looked to your right where there was a framed photo of you and Dacre, you choked to yourself, "I don't even recall the last time we bothered coming here."

You and Dacre have an apartment which will later be a place where you spend time together, but unfortunately the apartment has not been lived in for a long time because of Dacre's schedule.

You looked at your clothes which had been changed into pajamas, it was clear that it was Dacre who brought you here,

You got out of bed and walked out of the room, smelling the smell of food coming from the kitchen. As much as you'd like to imagine that with that food you're still mad at him, I mean— super pissed.

You walked over to Dacre who was still busy cooking, "You up?" He asked to which you responded with a hum.

"Let's have breakfast first." he said.

Breakfast passed in silence, you weren't in the mood to talk, and you didn't want to talk to him anyway.

"Can we talk after breakfast?"

Ah, forget it, you really want to maintain this relationship, since the only one you have is the only one who chose to stay when your family just left you. It's him.

You tried to show your calm, you nodded and hummed again.

Not long after you finished eating, Dacre invited you to talk in the living room. He turned the TV volume down when he wanted to talk to you.

Seeing Dacre who still hasn't said a word makes you think of wild thoughts, "Do... Do you want to break up?" You asked breaking the silence.

Hearing that Dacre immediately looked at you and frowned in a surprised expression, "What? No! No, I don't want that."

You nod gracefully,

"Wait... Do you?" Dacre asked again after realizing your question, you looked at him and groaned, "Can't you just start talking?"

"Right, sorry."

Dacre moved closer to you, while you didn't move an inch, "Y/N, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being a selfish asshole who made those evil thoughts trick you, I'm sorry because all this time you kept your feelings alone because I didn't have time to talk. I'm wasting your affection. I'm aware of that, but I won't just let you go. I can't. I love you."

Your eyes met, Dacre had only been able to stare at his feet, but when he said those three precious words he dared to look at you, "So much. So fucking much. And, yes, I realize that sending Robert was the dumbest way I ever did. I ... Just felt— Fuck, I don't even know what I feel."

"You choose your world of acting or me?"

"What?" Dacre asked, his eyes widening,

You shook your head, you averted your gaze, "No, I'm kidding, I know how much you love that world, I know very well but Dacre, it's just... Too far. Our worlds are different. Where I'm the one who wants affection and a family, you want something different, I just feel like I'm holding you back."

"Are you saying it's over between us?" His question made you look at him, tears already forming in his eyes, as if he was trying to hold them back.

You chuckled in annoyance, you cupped his cheek with your hand and stroked it softly, "Don't cry."

"Yeah, but I already made you shed tears because of me, didn't I?"

You were silent at his question— Or more precisely, a statement that is truly the truth. Dacre holds your hand to keep it on his cheek,

"I love you, Y/N. Can you give me one more chance?"

You tried, tried to pull your hand back but he held it, "For what? For breaking my heart again?"

Finally he let go of your hand, so that your hand landed on your thigh again, "Dacre. I'm not saying that if we continue this relationship it won't work, I know it will work but it will take more effort than we have been doing so far. And if I'm being honest, I can't just let you go, I just can't."

Dacre grabbed your hand, “Please give me one more chance.”

His gaze is sparkling, your feelings are really confused about whether to give him another chance or not...

"Okay." He smiled widely, but you stopped him, "But—"

"What?"

You sighed, "Don't let me feel like I chose the wrong poison again?"

Dacre smiled and kissed your lips briefly, "You have the best poison in this world."

You chuckled and rolled your eyes,

"And I canceled my second project." Dacre said which made you clench your jaw, "What? Why? Dacre, don't let my words affect your career and desires, I know you really want that project."

"That project's gonna breeze through, here today, gone tomorrow. But you, you're the real deal, stickin' by my side, not just some fly-by-night thing."

You stifled your laugh, “Such a poetic guy.”

Dacre smiled, "Your beauty's like them dope poetry quotes, straight fire and unforgettable."

"Yeah?"

Dacre nodded.

You smiled, you kissed his cheek, "I'm sorry if what I said yesterday was too rude."

"Not as rude as I have treated you all this time."

As a small laugh escapes you, it draws him closer, prompting an impassioned kiss that speaks volumes of profound yearning. Without hesitation, you meet his fervor with your own.

"You're my ride or die, darling." Dacre said in between kisses, he was literally on top of you while you two were on the couch, you broke the kiss and smiled at him, "Oh yeah?"

Dacre nodded. You chuckled and pecked his nose, “You should meet George.”

Dacre rolled his eyes and threw himself into your arms, "No, I'm not interested in meeting that guy."

"Well, now you have to! He's just as much of a chocolate maniac as you, mixing alcohol with any chocolate that comes to his mind."

Your words made Dacre raise his head, he who had been on your chest was now looking at you, you put your hands on his back, "So wild."

You laughed, "Come on! You should try his concoction. He's a good pal."

Dacre dropped his head on your chest again, "If he's a good pal he knows you're allergic to Vodka."

You rolled your eyes, "We didn't get close enough to talk about each other's allergies."

"Whatever." Dacre replied.

You played with Dacre's hair, you remembered the night you asked Dacre to wear a Billy Hargrove wig so you could braid his hair, and he immediately fulfilled your request. In your relationship, there might be numerous shortcomings, especially considering the stark differences in your worlds, but these challenges cannot overshadow the deep compassion and love you share for each other.

"I promise I'll show you off to my close friends someday." He said in your arms.

"Introduce me to Joe." You replied to teasing him, he immediately raised his head again, he raised both eyebrows, "You've got this," He pointed his finger at himself, "And still aiming for that amazing hair?"

You chuckled at the nickname Dacre had come up with for Joe, "I love you."

"I love you deeper." Dacre said then kissed you one last time before he fell again in your arms.

Don't know how much you said those three words, but you really missed each other, and Dacre really enjoyed the day off from his pile of projects—even more so spending it with the love of his life.

Author Note : I really want to put a sad ending— but I can't!!! I really can't because my fantasies only end in happy endings and I hate myself for not wanting to try sad endings... What do you think? Should I try it?

[bwoahtastic]

Please momma dire wolf Toto and liltle cheetah cub Max? I'm dying this is adorable!!

Okay, so they wandered into Christian's territory and Christian let them stay just because Maxy is adorable. And they have a little routine now. Momma Toto going to hunt for his baby cub and Christian just watching over Max and his territory.

And Max is just happy cause he can get snuggles and cuddles with both momma and the tiger. But then one day Toto comes back injured like really bad and Christian is torn between just leaving Toto there because, even if he started to get used to him, he only wanted to protect Max first. And the heartbreaking cries little Maxy let out seeing momma like that.

So he settles to help Toto, and take care of him. But that means thinking about a lot and a lot of things! Like should he let Max alone with a recovering Toto? Should he even take Max hunting with him and risking Max life and Toto's?

And while he is over thinking it, he end up settling into leaving Max with Toto. Making him promise to stay hidden in Toto's furr no matter what until Christian comes back.

Christian exploring the whole territory to find out who hurt the dire wolf, and also find out some food. Turns out it was a clan of hyenas.

He comes back and looks at Toto. He then decides to focus on having both Max and Toto healthy enough to fight back for his territory and in the worst case scenario flee somewhere else.

Max during the next four days is glued to his momma and to the tiger. He needs to have them both close. He can feel momma is hurting and he wants to be reassured that Christian will protect them.

Toto makes it in the end and when he look up he sees Christian fussing over Max and taking care of his cub. His heart swells and he try to move. Max immediately jump into his momma's fur and purr like a storm. So so loudly that Christian is surprised this little cub can do that.

Max is rambling about the period to Toto. Saying what happened and that Christian was really worried about Toto and really took care of them. Toto looks at Christian who just huff in annoyance. But deep down Christian is glad that Toto is okay. He is starting to get attached to the wolf and the little cub.

Oh plss! Christian staying with Maxy when Toto goes hunting and in exchange, Toto hunts for the tiger sometimes too. Christian often curls around the little cub in his tiger form when it's cold and rainy, but when the weather allows it, they can have msxy in his chubby toddler form just chonqing away and grinning at Christian with those chubby cheeks! Max likes it cos he gets cuddles and he doesn't have to be afraid anymore when momma leaves.

But then Toto comes back hurt and Christian is torn between judt taking the cub and leaving Toto, but then Max cries for momma and snuggles close to Toto and Christian knows they can't leave Toto behind. Christian making Max hide in Toto's fur whenever he has to go hunting now and hr even feeds Toto too, and tends to his wounds as best he can. Max always wants momma and Christian close, only truly calm when snuggled between them.

Toto getting stronger snd waking up to see his cub playing eith Christian and Christian grooming his lil cub and he is so relieved! And Max purrs up a storm when he sees momma is awake! All happy kitty purrs and then toddler giggles!

Toto thanking Cjristian in earnest when he hears from max that Christian protected then both! He is so grateful. And Christian huffs but is secretly relieved too!

[dreamcrow]

have you done a “how I would fix that movie” meta post? I’m also interested in your stricklake manifesto or something about guillermo del toro’s horror sensibilities and toa

send me a meta prompt (currently closed); thank you for the ask!

how did you know exactly what prompted this lol

stricklake manifesto is...tentatively forthcoming. possibly. probably. stay tuned. while i know i've certainly thought about how i'd fix the movie (and not even purely for niche side blorbo reasons), but i'm not sure how compelling (or coherent) that end product actually is. 🤔

unfortunately my fixit of the movie starts roughly thirty seconds after bellroc vaporizes that poor pigeon in chicago (or wherever metrocity is) and diverges wildly from there. tldr: someone on team trollhunter remembers they're in a gdt show, and asks just why are they all blindly following merlin, anyway. is it barb? god, i want it to be barb. obviously blinky is like "because he's the esteemèd merlin ambrosius, duh" while all three changelings just look directly into the camera. merlin blusters. barb backs off. 

then, once merlin wanders out of earshot, she asks again.

i do think that would be probably the biggest single change. i'm very self-conscious when i sit down in my lil sandbox that i don't want to give barb another job; she has enough already, and she gets mommed by the fandom in a way i don't always think is malicious but which nevertheless generally rubs me wrong. but truly: who else is doing it like her? okay, sure, there's jim: until the last four episodes of trollhunters, his actual, textual superpower is his humanity. he then gets browbeaten into discarding it—the quality that has, until now, been his unique and cited qualification—because the guy who made an amulet out of his student's severed hand acted like he had some kind of moral high ground.  

barb, meanwhile, is also an extraordinarily human human. she's the normie! she's the clueless mundane, a single mother dragged into the supernatural by her only son.  and while she does freak out—rightly! understandably!—when the supernatural puts her and her loved ones in danger, she never speaks against it just for being different. obviously stricklander is the example i've thought about most here: she's mad when he comes back (again, rightly), but her objections are because you lied to and endangered and my son, not because you're a dirty changeling. she's mad (and hurt) when jim lies about fighting off goblins, but because she's scared for him! once the masquerade is broken, she's immediately on his side. she's also the only character to even try to make merlin answer for trollifying jim, even if it's presented humorously. best girl.

so. back to this theoretical fixit: i think barb would be the most natural choice to start the questioning, here. blinky would still push back a little, but with merlin elsewhere, nomura and stricklander don't have to worry about being nice; maybe aaarrrgghh would even chime in on their side (what exactly do the gumm-gumms think of emrys, anyway?). it's not an easy conversation. it's also not the last one. but it starts. for a series that is otherwise unusually arthurian, arthur in trollhunters is conspicuous by his absence. but you have merlin. you have morgana. you also—pace wizards' giant slimy monster, who was cute, but completely overlooked preexisting developments—have the lady of the goddamn lake: legendary enchantress, giver of excalibur, single mother of the best of knights. 

and, most importantly, the one who seals merlin in a fucking tree.

u see where i'm going with this.

once barb starts that question—well. i make no claims that this is recognizable, but you did ask how i would do it, lol. from this i can't help but feel it would cascade pretty dramatically. if stricklander and nomura united behind her, i think jim would follow. claire and toby after him. once the humans (and adjacent) are convinced, i don't think blinky could hold out any longer; maybe the smarter version of him other people keep seeing could be brought around to some kind of "trust, but verify." soft and stupid as i am about wretched wizard blorbos, obviously the order are still being assholes. we don't want them to actually burn it all down. but is that what they're actually trying to do? or is this just another received merlinian dictum? 

god—and if they got to talk to nari about it! once again, one of the biggest failures of wizards (and rott) was how utterly it sidelined its characters in favor of punchy punchy bang bang. this i know have written about somewhere: jim's reduction to a vicarious highschool bully fantasy, how bellroc was flattened into cartoonish, beautifully rendered cardboard-cutout evil, while somehow still staying the most consistent character in the room. stricklander—whose entire character arc in trollhunters was built on 1.) the infinite possibility of an individual for change and 2.) being the smartest bastard in the room—took the first step into his new life by marrying barb and then immediately paid for it with the stupidest death possible. (see a longer and much keener essay about this here, from @millennialmoviereviews.) i cannot overemphasize how frustrated i am—still, yes, i know, about a children's cartoon—about how that movie treated its characters, even ones (the tarrons! douxie! steve!) i don't normally have any investment in.

...but what if that changed? what if we took what used to be the gdt hallmark—sympathy for monsters, without excuse—and committed to the goddamn bit? jim reached out to bular back in trollhunters. yes, what you're doing is wrong; you're hurting people i mean to protect; but i understand you're hurting too, and why, and how we might not be so different. you don't have to do this.

then barb sends merlin to treeby deeby, and bellroc and skrael fucking kiss.

(and then go about actually protecting/repairing the balance of the world or whatever, but i know what i'm about.)

postscript. i admit i pick a lot on merlin. don't get it twisted: i think my own evil wizard blorbos were also complete dumbasses here. but i think part of the reason i am so invested in merlin experiencing a goddamn consequence is pretty closely related to the original reason i was so drawn to gdt's stuff in the first place, namely: decoupling "good" and "evil" from "normal" and "monster," respectively. i don't think this is too much to expect of a kids show, especially one for toa's age group. trollhunters does a great job of doing this—of allowing nuance, of showing how it's possible to think outside the frameworks you know, while still remaining accessible to children—and 3below kind of? tries to keep it up. i think. but wizards...doesn't. even for all it does (inadvertently or otherwise) end up pointing out how merlin and arthur, founts of the same authority, massively screwed up. i've also had many people point out that wizards was pretty much set up to fail: executive meddling, rushed production, etc. etc. which i do sympathize with. 

but it's still. tremendously bitter. to see six seasons' worth of such a unique message get discarded so easily. especially when this was done with such breathtakingly little love for the material.

[afroafrofuturistfuture]

Switch Pt 10

An: I wish y'all knew what I was going through for this 😭 but it's finally here before the end of the year. The end of my very first fanfic. Whew! It was an undertaking for sure. Crazy that it's actually finished. I'm grateful for anyone who found it, reblogged it and read it all. Much much love and a happy new year to you all!

Genre: Romance, fluff, smut, angst

Cw: 18+ only (mdni), sexual activity, cuss words, talks of cheating, p in v, hospital imagery, lil bit of sadness, barely proofread

Synopsis: Aged up Married Pro hero!Deku, Bakugo and Uraraka.

The truth comes out

Masterlist is here!

“Do you know why he seems so weird?” Ochacho asked Deku once Katsuki disappeared into Kami’s hospital room.

“Yes,” Deku said carefully. He took her hands in his and pulled her to sit in the same chair Katsuki was sitting in not too long ago. He looked at her for a long moment trying to decide what he should say and he realized how long it had been since he just looked at her like this. Really looked at her. She looked sweet, she was sweet. But she was so full of life, full of fire. There was always something brimming beneath her kind demeanor. A fierceness he couldn’t quite match or tame. He chuckled realizing how obvious this all should have been.

“Deku?”

“I had an affair with Kami.” He blurted, his voice as hushed as it could be in the busy hospital corridor. He could feel the tension in her hands. “And I know you had one with Kacchan.” Her face fell and he could just hear all the apologies that were about to come his way. “I’m not angry,” and of course that was the truth. He was never angry, could never be angry with her. “A bit hurt but I know why you did it. I can’t say it’s right but neither of us made the right decision. Katsuki didn’t give me details but I know you had an opportunity for something more than I could give you and you took it. I get it. Sometimes I’m more hero than man and I wish I could’ve been what you needed but I know it’s okay that I’m not.”

Ochaco looked stunned and sad. She looked away, bit her lip. The guilt was obvious. After a few moments, she finally spoke. “I have no excuse for what I did. I love you, of course, I do. But being with him is so different. He got me to think about what I wanted and that was so satisfying. And then at times he was so sweet with me…” She buried her face in her hands. “Shit.”

He let out a chuckle. “He really did a number on you, huh?” When she didn’t answer he went on. “I felt the same way. I was actually so selfish. I really only thought about what I wanted when I took the chance to have it. In fact, Kami had to stop me from taking it way too far! But that didn’t really matter in the end.” He sighed, considering how honest to be. But he wanted no more secrets. “I’m in love with her.”

Ochaco immediately raised her head. “In love with Kami?” He couldn’t tell what she could be thinking as her teeth worried over her lip. “Does she…feel the same?” She finally asked.

He slumped down further into his chair thinking about it. At one point, he thought she did. But she never said it. And he started to think maybe it was all in his head. “I don’t know. We’ve never talked about it. It wasn’t really possible to pursue, you know?” He realized he was being so cavalier about all of this and felt the need to clarify. “Bubble, I hope you don’t think I ever lied to you about us.”

She met his eyes, hers full of surprise and sadness. “No, Deku. I know.” He watched her eyes well up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t handle this well. We were working on things and I really fucked it up anyway. I went behind your back and that wasn’t fair. I’ve been hating myself this whole time because I didn’t want you to hate me. I didn’t want to think about the impact of it all and, seriously, you falling in love is nothing I ever expected but I can’t say I’m not glad for it. For you. I always wanted you to be happy even when I was fucking up, even if it wasn’t with me. I sound like a terrible person.”

His smile was sardonic. “I won’t say you cheating on me didn’t hurt. But I think you were so distant and I was so caught up with myself that it was easy to give myself to someone else. That part I don’t regret. Even if she may not feel the same, I can see what I need too.” He ran his hands over his face. His fatigue was catching up to him.

“I think I know what you mean.” He shifted to watch her speak. “Katsuki is…abrasive like always but he’s a lot more than I thought. He challenges me and makes me feel…free somehow. And he does care but he’s not overbearing about it. You and I make sense as a couple because we’re so alike but with him he’s so different that it’s exciting.” She looked dreamy as she spoke but quickly flinched realizing what she was saying. “Sorry. I don’t know how much of this you wanted to hear.”

“No, it’s good. I’ve only ever wanted you happy and a lot of the time I doubted that I could be the one to do that for you. I suppose I was right." A sad smile settled over his lips. "But to know someone can do it gives me a sense of relief."

"I feel the same way, Izuku. If Kami loves you, which there's no way she doesn't, then…that's amazing.”

She gave him a sad smile and he started to chuckle in disbelief at their situation. Both of them cheated on each other and fell for the other person. Or at least he thought so, but to be sure... “Are you in love with him?”

She blinked and sniffled as her cheeks darkened. “Um…I don’t know. I mean our last time seeing each other was so confusing. He made me feel so amazing and so low at the same time. I think I do have feelings for him though.” She wouldn’t meet Deku’s eyes.

He chuckled. “I think he has feelings for you too. It might take time for him to admit it but he’ll get there.”

She sat there in silence for a bit, color covering her face, before she asked, “Do you think we’ll all be okay?”

He thought about it. “Yeah. Yeah, I do. If nothing else, we have each other. Always.”

That was incredibly optimistic, something she didn’t know she could share but she expected nothing less from him. And in a way it was comforting. But now that her body was beginning to relax, she could feel her exhaustion. She found herself craving her bed, although for how long it would remain her bed she had no idea. “I think I’m going to go home.” She mumbled.

Deku nodded. “I think I’ll stay.”

They gave each other tired smiles. She stood and he stood with her. They hugged because it felt right.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

“Deku,” Kami tried to coax him awake. His head had been resting on the rail on her bed and she knew he’d get a crick in his neck. “Deku, wake up.” She nudged him gently. He groaned in response and she laughed. “I know you’re not comfortable. Come on, wake up.” She nudged more forcefully this time.

He pulled himself up, finally rubbing his eyes before he opened them. “Okay, I’m up.” The hospital room was darker now with moonlight and the displays from various machines providing the only light. She smiled sleepily at him as his eyes settled on her. “Hi, baby,” he smiled back.

Her heart thrilled hearing him call her that. It meant he still thought of her the way he used to.

“I can’t believe you stayed. I can’t believe they let you.” She spoke almost in a whisper as if speaking any louder would disturb the lovely dream they were in.

“Of course I did. I think they know who I am. Did you not want me to?”

She hated that he asked. “No, I’m happy you stayed.”

“Then I’m happy you’re happy.” He rested his head back on the railing except now he was fully awake giving her his full attention.

“How are you feeling?”

He chuckled. “I think I’m supposed to be asking you that. But I’m okay for now. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, too. Sad though.”

“Why are you sad?”

“You’re leaving,” She muttered. She ran a finger over his arm lightly.

He sat up a little straighter as he sighed. He caught her hand in his and stroked the back of her hand with this thumb. “I keep telling myself it’s for the best.”

“Is it really though? I mean my husband is in love with your wife and I-” She stopped short and his eyes shot to hers, wide and piercing even in the dark. She realized she hadn’t had a chance to tell him how she felt about him but he had to know. She sat up a bit more herself and Deku watched her adjust, just waiting. “‘Zuku,” She kissed the back of his hand. “I-I’m so in love with you. It scares me but it’s true. I don’t want to be afraid of it because you don’t seem like you are but you’re also leaving and-”

He pulled her into a searing kiss that wiped her mind clean. It felt like it had been years since they last kissed and her emotions came bubbling to the surface. Tears ran down between their faces and he only held her closer. When he finally pulled back enough to look into her eyes, she could see that he was steady and certain. “Baby, of course I’m afraid,” he chuckled and it was light with relief. “I’m fucking terrified. Especially because I thought I was ruining everyone’s lives.”

“Well now you’re just ruining mine,” She pouted and sniffled. She meant it jokingly but she also meant it to a degree.

He gave her a sad smile as the thumb from the hand still resting on her cheek stroked over her skin.”I’m ruining mine too. Unless you want to come with me.” He said it lightly, like a joke, like it was wishful thinking.

“Take me.” She said, with no hesitation.

His brows pushed together and his mouth twisted as if to say be serious. “Don’t be silly.”

“I’m not. Okay maybe I am but I mean it. Take me with you.”

“Kami,” he sat back away from her and that left her feeling chilly. “You can’t leave everything for me.”

Her face crumpled but she laughed as she spoke around more tears. “You pretty much are everything to me.” He shook his head slowly in disbelief but she could see the hope he tried to hold back. Understanding that completely, she pushed on. “What’s here for me? Watching Katsuki and Ochaco get some kind of happily ever after while I pine away for you? My job isn’t even all that important. Not like you big heroes. I love my friends but I know I’d miss you more than anything.” As she said it, she realized how true it was. Her life wasn’t bad. It was stable and easy. But what would it be without him?

He reached for her again, his hands sliding over her cheeks as he rested his forehead against hers. He shook his head again slowly. “How do you know I’m worth all of that? I can’t be,” he lamented.

She laughed. “Deku, I know I was scared of the risk. I was scared of getting found out and losing everything so I left you instead.” She reached up to touch his face too. “And I’ve regretted it every day since. I don’t think I care anymore, especially after this, after waking up here and having you be the first thing on my mind even before I opened my eyes. It was stupid not to just be honest with you.”

“No, no. I know why you weren’t. To be honest, I thought it was stupid for me to nearly slip up and tell you. It was all too impulsive. No plan for anything after that. I just knew I loved you and I wanted you.”

“I wish I had let you tell me.” Kami whispered. “I wish I could have heard it back then.”

“You looked okay without me before,” he whispered back. “I thought…I thought we were really done.”

She chuckled. “I couldn’t just walk around looking miserable. That would’ve caused more questions.”

He stared at her for a moment. “You’d really come with me?” His voice was still hushed and tense.

“If you let me. Would you?”

His eyes welled as he started to sob softly. “Of course I would. I’d love to take you anywhere with me.” He hugged her as tight as he could to him while she was still hooked up in her hospital bed and she held on tightly to him. Relief flooded into her at his words. And when he clutched her in a hard kiss, she knew no matter what, she would follow him anywhere.

“Surprise!” Deku uncovered her eyes after they stepped into the living room of Kami’s house.

“Deku,” she laughed. “What is this?”

There was a banner hanging up over the kitchen entrance, welcoming her home. On the floor, Deku piled thick blankets in front of the coffee table that was covered with different snacks. On the couch, he laid out pajamas for them both. He shrugged. “You’re ‘welcome home’ picnic. I know the doctor said to take it easy. Do you like it or is it dumb?”

“Deku,” She planted her hands on his chest as she lifted up on her toes to kiss him. “I love it. Really. I can’t wait to relax and watch movies with you.”

His hands came up to her waist as he relaxed and kissed her back. “Okay, baby. Let’s get changed and we can get right to it.” He guided her to the couch and she smiled to herself at the matching green pajamas he picked out for them.

“I’m realizing how corny I am now that you’re here,” he laughed nervously and blushed a bit.

“I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love them. But I may need your help.” Kami’s head and body were still a bit tender after the accident and from lying in a bed for days.

“Sure, of course.” He gingerly tugged her shirt over her head and it made her heart swell in appreciation for his sweetness. After he pulled her shirt away, she couldn’t help but kiss him before he reached for her pants. He smiled at her and she kissed him again, soaking in the warmth from his body and personality. There was nothing but love for her from him and now that she had it again, she refused to let it go. She meant it to be a cute kiss, sweet but her breathing quickened as her body reacted to him pulling her close. Their kisses were languid and naturally, her mouth opened to him. Like muscle memory their tongues met and she could hear his low moan.

“God, I missed you,” he muttered, his voice tight. “But I know we can’t…do anything. I gotta calm down,” he chuckled.

He tried to put distance between them but she held tight to his arms. “I think if we just…take it easy…” Kami tried to reason through her now hazy mind.

He laughed. “Such a bad influence. But I can’t say I don’t want it like you do.” His hand slid slowly down her body and dipped beneath the waistband of her pants. He found his way into her underwear and gently brushed over the top of her clit. Her body tensed. She was more sensitive than she thought she’d be, which seemed perfect for taking it easy. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” She nodded and bit her lip. “I don’t know about you but I haven’t had sex since the last time we did,” he mumbled.

“Really?” She was gasping at the light strokes.

“Really, so this should be interesting.” He chuckled. “Would you be okay with being on top? You could be in control and just move your hips back and forth.”

“Sounds…perfect.”

He removed his pants and hers before sitting on the floor in front of the couch and leaning back against it. He pulled her into his lap and she slid her covered slit over his already hard cock. They both moaned. He rested his hands on her hips and gently guided her over him. She laced her fingers behind his neck and kissed him, meeting his tongue with hers.

He sucked in a sharp breath. “You know I’m not usually rough with you unless you want it but I’m just so happy to have you back in my arms, it’s not hard not to think of going crazy with you.”

She laughed. “I know what you mean. If I wasn’t so achy, I would be bouncing on you as hard as I can.”

His eyes darkened hearing that. “This is okay though? You’re okay?”

“Yes, I want more,” she muttered, moving to kiss and nip at his neck.

He groaned and his head fell back as he pulled himself free of his boxers. “Take it, then. Please.”

His words pierced her core, spreading heat all over as she pulled her panties to the side. She rubbed her bare skin against him a couple more times, driving them both a little crazy before she slowly started to take him in. She was already incredibly wet which wasn’t hard to believe.

He chuckled breathlessly. “As it is, you’ll be going slow for me. Oh my God. Was it always like this?”

“Yes, it was. Every fucking time.” She took him in a little deeper and she felt his thighs bunch beneath her. He hissed and she could see him trying to hold himself together. It made her take him in even farther. The stretch was intense but fulfilling. Her spine was tingling just from feeling him inside of her.

“Baby,” his breathing was labored as he reached forward and put a thumb to her clit. “Are you okay?”

She choked out a laugh. “Are you okay?”

He smiled up at her. “I’ve withstood far worse.”

“What about far better though?” She sank all the way down, their thighs meeting.

His mouth fell open and he pinched his eyes shut.

“Deku,” she panted. “Look at me, I missed you.”

He opened his eyes to slits. “Fuck, I missed you, too. So much.”

She shifted her hips forward and he groaned. She kissed him as she slowly moved her hips. She felt so full, so warm as they moved together. He was reaching places inside of her that were reaching far beyond just between her legs. But it still wasn’t enough. “This is killing me already.”

“I know what you mean. I could move if you want me to. Thrust up while you stay still. I won’t do anything crazy.”

She could see the effort it was taking him not to do it already. She nodded. “Do it, please.”

“Let me know if I’m holding you too hard,” he said just as he took her hips in a vice grip, supporting the full weight of her upper body. She couldn’t really move if she wanted to. They readjusted and he tested a full slide up into her reaching all the way in, causing them both to gasp. “Yes,” he hissed as he slid nearly all the way out and back in. He picked up speed, finding a steady pulse. “Does it feel good?” She nodded, at a loss for words. “Good, because you feel perfect. So perfect. You are perfect.” He started rambling. “I love you. I love your body. I love being inside of you. I just love everything about you.”

She snaked a hand down to rub her fingers over her clit and Deku reacted in excitement, pulsing faster. She knew her legs were already begging to give out but the pain was an afterthought compared to the pleasure swimming through her veins.

“Baby, please tell me you’re close.”

Kami’s eyes had fallen closed and her body started to tense. “Deku, fuck, I love it. Love the way you make me feel. Love you.” She panted as she chased the high that was within reach.

His mouth was closed but he moaned loud anyway. He was coming then, hips thrusting fast, and she followed right behind him, stars behind her lids, heat and pleasure enveloping her as she was flooded with sensations. He let his body sag against the floor and he pulled her down on top of him, resting her head on his shoulder. He stroked a hand over her hair. “Was that okay?”

“It was great.” She folded her hands over one another on his chest and rested her chin on them as she smiled lazily up at him.

“I think you telling me you loved me sent me over the edge.” He laughed and she joined him.

“Good, then I’ll just have to keep saying it.” She leaned up to kiss him. “I love you, Deku.”

“I love you, Kami.” He wrapped her up in his arms and she knew this is what she wanted forever to look like, being in his arms, soaking in his warmth and listening to his heart beat for her.

[tinytinybumblebee]

Hihi!! Back with some more baby Bill!!! :D and it's just more baby Bill and Joel (maybe I'm starting to like the regressor Joel hc....), so your welcome!! :>

I just imagine that Bill would be just playing peacefully with his cars, while tiny Joel his having a nap, and it's all fine and stuff, but I just imagine Joel being such a fussy sleeper!! Always waking up every 30 minutes, or he just wants a cuddle or a change, and he will say what he needs to say!!! But the first time it happens around tiny Bill... it gets kinda hectic.

So just out of nowhere, Joel just starts making lots n lots of fussy baby noises! Just kicking his feets and holding his arms up for someone to pick him up (bc he's probably learned now that he can be a loud crier ;w;), and Bill just gets a massive fright from all the screaming and crying from the lil guy!!! (tbh, i think he would be so shocked to find out how loud a baby can be!!)

And Bill just holds his lil brother's hand, trying to calm him down, but Joel is just a lil tiny one!!! Crying is the way he communicates nearly all the time!! Bill is just p a n i c k i n g- like he doesn't know what to do at all-

But that's when Frank and Tess come to save the day!! Tess just picks up her lil Jo-Jo and takes him into another room to calm him down... and poor Bill is just there, not knowing how to react from all that noise (since he's not really used to so much of it!!!), and he doesn't know how to feel about it!!! But Frank just reassures him and says that 'all babies are like this sometimes and just need a cry, honey', but Bill's having none of it!! Did he get his lil brother hurt???? Was he too loud??? Did he do something to hurt him on accident???

Just a few minutes after, Tess comes back with a now calmer Joel and sighs. 'He was just fussy, 'cause he needed a change... again' XD (bc i know Joel doesn't like being in a wet/messy dip for long!!!) And Frank just chuckles, and just reassures his own lil guy before patting Bill's head and standing up again, after Tess settled Joel down next to Bill, and Joel just goes on like nothing happened, happily playing with his cars XDDDD

Bill on the other hand, just stares down at his hands, not really listening to what Joel is saying... what if he was hurt??? and what if that was all Bill's fault??? What if he gets in trouble???

Frank notices something off with his lil man, and just sees tears stung into Bill's eyes, and just immediately goes over to him and pulls him a little bit away from Joel, who's a lil worried for his big bro. :< Frank just asks why Bill is so upset... and the poor lil guy just bursts into tears, saying that he's sorry for getting Joel hurt... and of course, Frank is just confused at this, why would he be sorry?? He did nothing wrong!!

'Why would you think that, honey? Joely's fine now!' Frank reassures, patting Bill's back softly. But Bill just shakes his head and goes to explain why he thinks it's all his fault for Joel being so upset!! But it's not true at all!! Frank just comforts his lil man and lets him have a bit of a cry to let all those big feelings out.

After a lil bit, Frank just tells Bill why Joel was so upset, and Bill listens, because Frankie is always honest!! And it ends up being that Joel was just a bit fussy, cuz he's smaller than Bill!! (sometimes he forgets that tiny little's younger than him are just fussy and upset!!) And Bill understands all that... saying another few sorrys here and there, but Frank reassures him again n just gives him pepper kissies on his face.

'Now, are we feeling better to go see Jo-Jo again?' Frank asks, looking over the Joel, who just looks a lil worried for Bill ;w; and Bill nods, giving Frank one last hug before the two walk over to Joel and Tess, and immediately, Joel just latches onto Bill and is like 'bubba!! 'ou sads??? :( tan have more cars if 'ou wan'!!' and Joel just wants to make his big bro feel all better!! But Bill just shakes his head and says he's okay now, and that he's okay with just cuddles from Jo-Jo, and Joel just nods and goes back to his cars, while Bill listens

Tess just looks at Frank a lil worried from what happened and is like 'hey, what happened? Bill seemed a little stressed back there.' And Frank just explains how Bill thought all this untrue stuff, and Tess just frowns a bit, looking at the now happy two lil guys, she wonders if Bill had a past moment with someone else he was close with in the same situation... but she would ask later on of course, she didn't want to ruin Bill and Joel's fun :>

C r y i n g oh my goodness 😭😭😭😭💖💖💖 Billy-Boy is devastated at the idea of someone he's come to latch onto as a brother is crying or in distress💔!! He wants to make the hurts Joely is feeling go away, but he's just a lil guy himself so there is only so much Bill can do before Frank or Tess would need to help ;0; !

Joel can definitely be quite the fussy pants when he's in a younger headspace and he'll let it be known (Tess was honestly glad when Joel started letting himself fuss because, before that, Joely would end up with rashes or just near inconsolably upsetie) , even if it unknowingly alarms tiny Bill xD

And that definitely plagues Billy's mind, thinking he did something wrong! But, Frank knows how to soothe and reassure Bill that it's alright, Joely isn't hurt, Billy hasn't done anything bad, it's all okay ;w;

Tess would certainly be curious about Bill's reaction but for now, she'd just tell Billy it's alright, that Jo-Jo just doesn't have the big boy words like Bill to say what's bothering him is all♡ (Cue Billy trying to teach Joel words! But, Joel is just more interested in Bill's moving hands and tries to grab them like a game xD)

[ohleander]

11.10.24

Its been a good long while since I wrote here but I have a ton on my mind right now and I need the fast typing to get it out. I had a lot of good fun today but, emotionally, its not been the best time. Its strange how these things, both good feelings and tough feelings can happen at the same time. I always end up regretting something. I'm finding that I'm able to get through these feelings in a more mindful way these days though. Even when it doesnt feel so successful. I think these feelings of disappointment in myself are natural. I want to do it all, and I want everything to be as perfect as it is in my mind.. and when I'm tired, the gripes feel especially sharp and loud.

I do feel hefty and disorienting feelings of grief after this week. So many emotions swirling around. Anger, bewilderment, sorrow, fear. I'm literally taking everything moment by moment and I've felt more tired than usual. I'm having feelings of regret over how I've spent my time with dad this evening. More than anything I felt very short and disconnected, even though he was in such a rare and jolly mood. I always hate to say "I'll do better tomorrow" because I'm never certain if there's going to be a tomorrow. I fear the loss. I fear the time ill spent by my bad habits, shifting moods, tiredness. I'd love to be more for him and yet it seems like its the easiest to do the least, emotionally, around him because we're at home and I'm usually so toasted. I do have feelings of regret. I often feel at the mercy of my tiredness and my mood swings and it does suck. I often find myself paralyzed. Today I gather that I was also feeling overstimulated from the con and from socializing all day. I also woke up so tired with a headache. Trying to reason with myself and cut myself some slack but I find that often, I'm not very forgiving of myself.

This morning I was struggling so hard with feelings of being so undesirable in so many ways. I think this is always how I've felt about myself. I cant recall ever thinking anything else about myself regarding my relationships with other folks. I don't know where this feeling came from, because I have a lot of evidence to contradict these thoughts and feelings. I reckon that I need so much more reassurance than I know how to ask for or even receive. I guess this will just take more work and practice just like everything else. Learning to shift my thoughts and perspectives on things. I can certainly stay stubborn in my mindsets but it often feels more biological than purposeful. I have this extreme willingness for things that absolutely befuddle me, and feel so beyond me. Like connection, relationships, beliefs about myself. Although in my mind I know that I am just another good lil human, I've never done too much wrong out of malice, and I do try to do my best. As always I think I can try too hard.. though my horoscope did say "dont be afraid to try hard".. Often my feelings and fears of being "too much" come up after I've been in situations that are so fun that I kinda loose myself. I get caught up in the involuntary reactions and responses to others. I am finding (yet again) that I need to slow down more and more. I am starting to find that there's no such thing as progress.. only the moment.. only moving forward. I recognize so much of my dad within myself and I am trying to treat those feelings with love, rather than anxiety. I'm still trying to convince myself that I am good. I am good. Why is that so hard to believe most of the time? Why do my thoughts immediately flip to the contrary.. why am I often such a contrary being? I like both sides of things. I often think in opposites and flipsides, in mix mashes and mismatches. Of compliments and duality. I dont mean to be argumentative. I want someone who finds me as fascinating and wonderful as I do the rest of the world. Someone thoughtful and purposeful. Reliable. Someone I can exist with without all of my excess overthinking worries. Someone I can trust and believe fully. That feels like a big step. I'm still learning what trust feels like. LA

[moidse]

2/1/24

Fuck. I had another dream last night where someone super cute is hitting on me. What was wild was in this dream that hot person... it was like i was in school it felt like high school and i noticed this hot person and like later in the dream im around them again and they are just very forward and tell me they have a crush on me and i say something back like, omg i've been trying to ignored how hot you are in my head... something like that and then i immediately say, oh for transparency, I am in a monogamous relationship. And i dont rememeber what the person said but they were like a lil disappointed. But i was soooo into them in the dream i woke up from my alarm to check slack and was so annoyed that i woke up right after that and i stayed in bed til 1pm cuz of it.

Like jeezuz, whenever i have these dreams it messes me up for at least a full day... its like similar to if i see someone super hot ikr that fucks with my head. but what was crazy about this dream, cuz lets be real i have been having more and more dreams like this over the past few years... dreams where someone super cute hits on me or im vibing with someone super cute and its like i have a dream girlfriend or new crush thats into me and im so excited and happy and feeling all these feelings and then i wake up and feel sad that i dont feel those feelings anymore. I feel sad that its been so long since ive felt those feelings. I clearly deeply miss feeling the excitement and rush and whorlwind of emotion that is having a crush like you back. I miss feeling sooo deeply sexually attracted to someone that the sex just regularly makes me cry. I miss feeling that passion and anytime i'm reminded of the fact that that feeling has been missing in my life my mind starts to spiral.

What am I to do with these feelings? I feel like my options are bringing this up and having them panic but being transparent. I don't really know what next steps of that convo would be except just like hey im definitely have been less and less into this over the years and idk at what point i should stop and admit to myself that i really wish i could be hitting on other people. God its so sad how fucking sad i get when i get super turned on my someone because i know i dont feel that in my own relationship and its depressing.

Like, i get that relationships fizzle out over time but ours like immediately did for me. It hurts to think about but its true that its been so many years, fucking going on 5 years since ive had amazing sex, made someone cum, felt super hot and good about myself and my sex life... like its crazy. But its just like our lives are so interwined at this point its just scary to think of how we can live apart. I do really like them and care about them which is also what makes it hard. its not like we don't do well together caring after each other... its just like can i really also carry this deep sadness? How many more years am I going to be carrying this sadness and feel so disconnected with myself.

I feel like i lost my sense of self. I am my relationship. I miss when i was my own self. I feel like i worry about every little thing in social senerios because im not that happy in my life and i dont want ppl to know that. So i just dont go out and dont open up to ppl. Cuz i dont want them to know how i feel disconnected and not into anything.

I was thinking .. what if i open up and say hey i had this dream last night and its really been weighing on me. I've been having dreams like this more and more and i know i tried to tell you this before and you brushed it off, but to me its clear that im having these dreams because i wish i could be flirting and dating other people. Which like, idk how you feel, are you interested in flirting/dating other people at all? Do you ever miss that? Because i do. Like, everything mostly works in our relationship but i always feel like i want to be dating other people. It's hard because i feel conflicted because we do work so well together. I'm like is that enough for me? Is it stupid to throw away a relationship that is very meaningful and having to spedn months uprooting my life so that i can eventually start sleeping with other ppl again.. ... ... damn just thinking about being able to sleep with other ppl seems soooo nice :( ... i miss it. ... and like i know i'll be salty when im rejected a million times and have bad experiences but when you get a good one its so good. and im annoyed ive never gotten to cruise here or go on dates. like im in big city and ppl think im hotter here and FOR WHAT?! i dont even get to taste the local cuisine.

[chaikachi]

When I say crumbs, I do mean crumbs. Not going to stop me from having a lil feast tho cause that's what fandom is all about. :3c

First one is right at the very beginning of the movie. Ruby is talking about who she is and recapping the events of the previous film. She starts by saying:

"Honestly, something wasn't quite right about our world either."

before the shot pans to this:

So of all the things that were noticeably different about Remnant in the first film, the one Ruby brings up as the example to demonstrate is Oscar not being himself.

Which we know was something she found very distressing!

These are the only times Oscar actually shows up in either movie, hence why I say crumbs. The rest will contain some plot spoilers so please tread with caution if you haven't seen the new one yet!

Some context: Ruby has regressed in this movie. She is being reckless and impatient, much like in the earlier volumes. Or a bit like Blake who wouldn't stop to take time & rest before throwing herself into danger. She doesn't seem to care about throwing her life away and isn't thinking before she acts.

There is a brief scene where Yang and The Flash talk about how trauma can negatively affect you. How it can linger and mess with your identity and your ability to feel safe, even after the danger has passed. And how your responses to it can worry the people that care about you...

This scene immediately transitions to Ruby, who is supposed to be resting, running over a dozen combat simulations in one of the Justice League's practice rooms. And the shot it pans to after that conversation about trauma, is her cutting down a carboard cutout that looks like this:

Which, um... I know I have shipping goggles on, but you can't tell me that doesn't look like Oscar??? Of all the NPC hair cuts and colours they could have gone with, this was the final design they chose? HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS.

And we know Ruby's actions are a result of recent trauma and her response to it because they address it about as directly as they could.

After Ruby and Clark finish their practice session, they sit down to have a chat about what's been going on with her. The structure is pretty similar to the Dojo Scene in V5, Ruby and a Farm Boy exchanging some of their worries with each other in a training room. But it's what Ruby says that specifically stands out to me as another RG parallel.

"Did you know I lost my mom when I was a kid? I don't know exactly what happened to her, I don't really remember her, I just have stories. And I keep trying to live up to those stories, but... I realize they don't matter anymore. Heroes fall. And I just want to get as much done as I possibly can before I do."

Which, if we compare to Oscar's resolve in V6, a direct response to the Dojo Scene in V5...

"I don't know how much longer I'm going to be... me. But I did some thinking, and I do know that I want to do everything I can to help with whatever time I have left."

WHICH IS JUST. WHAT ROSEGARDEN ALWAYS DOES. THE SAME THING, BUT SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT.

Both of them committed to the cause. Oscar, in spite of an imminent 'end' via the merge versus Ruby, who apparently took Torchwick's words from V3 to heart. Because she wants to be the hero, and playing that part means to "die like every huntsman in history". So she's just playing along, without any regard for her own safety, waiting for fate to be done with her because she doesn't think she has a chance of surviving, so she doesn't go out of her way to try.

Lastly, both in the comics and in the movies, Ruby's dynamic with Clark is quite a bit similar to her dynamic with Oscar. They're set up as leader parallels and have similar conversations, and Clark is another farm boy with a destiny. So take Ruby blushing as she jumps to hug him at the end of the movie as you will. Cause apparently RG Antis are mad about this being proof she's going to end up with Oscar LMAO

Some of the analyses I do on here are very serious, but seeing as this is a spin-off, non-canon movie, take all of this with a grain of salt. 🤭There are much stronger arguments towards RG in the 9 Volumes of the show itself, but as I mentioned at the beginning, that can't stop us from having a bit of fun with it. That being said, Rosegarden canon and #GreenlightVolume10 already!!!!

and if I tell you there are RG crumbs in the second JL movie...

[justjohn4now]

I deleted my old Tumblr because it was made when I was at probably the lowest point in my life. I was in a relationship with someone that I gave my absolute everything to. I did everything for her and her kids. I always stayed broke just so they could have what they wanted. All they did was take. And it changed me. I loved her more than anyone. I wrote soooo much and it still stings. My heart was ripped out, mangled, and shoved back into my chest. I've never hurt that bad. I thought the problem really was me. Everything was my fault. It got so bad that I actually started to see a therapist. Tim... Super nice guy. I learned a lot. Was getting my shit together... Starting to get back on track. We tried to make it work again. Same result. Each time was worse. I kept trying to make it work. I kept giving my all. It broke me. I wanted to give up. Even now as I write this... The tears are coming. There are sooo many more details and things that happened. But we are going to skip ahead...I was able to save what little of my heart was left. Things were looking up. Back to getting money, having fun, new job, cars, get myself back. The awesome guy that everybody loves. And I made it. So I started getting back into the dating scene...which is not fun these days. One day I clicked like on someone...on her profile it said to add her on snap...I did. She ended up adding me back and I felt like a creep kinda. Liking her things and we haven't really talked. Thinking... How many other thirsty ass dudes are doing the same. I have no chance. I commented on something one day and she actually wrote back asking who I was. I remember thinking that she's probably going to be annoyed because I'm creeping all her shit. But she was sooo cute. Thick... Super cute... Short... I was partially hooked. I needed to know her. Talking was hit or miss for a while. She had some car issues. I offered to help... Finally talked her into bringing her car to me. That was our first time meeting. We had been talking for a lil while. But I was in. She just needs to meet me. I got this. She gets here and has her daughters with her. They hang out in my garage while I check it out. Her kids were soooo cute. And both totally different. But her... 😍😍 She was shy, super cute, actually looked like most of her pics, and she was funny. Her smile is my absolute favorite. Her teeth arent perfect... Her lips look sooooooo soft🫦.(I found out later that they are.😏) Got the car figured out and talked a little bit. I kinda played with the kids a lil. Then they left. I have to know this girl. I am hooked at this point. But I tell myself to slow down. My last relationship still pops into my head sometimes. But I told myself that my next relationship will be my last. She actually messaged me first after they left. We talked. Her kids liked me and turns out... She does too.😁 It was all downhill from there... Fast. Everything was awesome. I loved this girl. We were sooo happy, sex was absolutely rediculous, we liked food, music, a lot of the same things but she was different also. I met her family, she met mine. My mom loved her and that's huge!

Then one day I'm at her house things are awesome as always and then she picks up my phone and starts to go through it.... Nooooo not this again! Why! Immediately I am sooo upset. Things were never the same. That hurt. My heart was soooo close to being back to normal then this. Fuck. It hurt and I did not know how to react. I did not expect it at all. Immediately the walls around my heart started to go back up. It happened 3 times total. Now I'm scared, hurt, worried. I can't let it happen to me again. I did nothing to provoke this. I was all in and it's happening again. Tried to save it but I locked up. Couldn't let my real feelings out... Couldn't talk anymore. I felt betrayed. I still stuck around.... I wanted this to work and I know she has had bad relationships in the past. Then I had issues with my daughter and her mom. Starting this whole custody battle. It was hard... Soo much happening. I couldn't talk to her because what if my thoughts and feelings weren't safe with her. She doesn't trust me. To her I am just a liar. It was sooo hard. We drifted apart... She tried for a while and I stayed back. I have to protect my heart. But I fucking love this girl. 💔💔 I told her I can't do it. But I couldn't tell her everything. I'm expecting her to just leave. She can't possibly really care. I kept pushing her away...not making her a priority. Biggest mistake ever. I fucked up....

We are no longer together...I found out she was talking to someone from an acquaintance of mine that just happens to be friends with this new guy... Small world. She never said a word about it and here I was still being loyal and faithful to this girl that I still loved but couldn't let back in while she was talking to other guys already and I found out that it became official late Nov. Early Dec. She never fucking told me... My heart is now falling apart. I try talking to her telling her I'm sorry and how much I love her. She is supposed to be the one. She is already moved on... That shit hurts sooo bad. How could she be over me after all she has said about me? I love her and wish her the absolute best. I wish I could go back and change some things. All my feelings are still there. Nothing is changed except this huge ache in my chest.

💔❤️where ever you are, what ever you are doing...I wish you the best. You will forever be in my heart. Keep your pretty lil head up. Keep moving forward. Never let anyone tell you you can't do something. You got this. I love you and miss you more than you will ever know. If you ever miss me just remember....I'm only one call or text away. Always.❤️💔