#Izzy really be thinking ‘oh fuck he’s kinda hot’

[avastyetwats]

@izzyeffinhands

i think having a sharp object held to my throat can be very very romantic. intimate. sexy, even. this is because i am normal.

[nobeansforyou]

Okay...

So, I've liked Izzy Hands from the beginning. Not because I condone his actions in the first season (I agree, they were a bit fucked up, especially the "namby pamby" scene), but because he's an interesting, very complex character. I don't think that he didn't like Stede because Ed is in love with him, although that definitely plays a part, but because Izzy and Stede just didn't like each other. From their first interaction, where Ed wasn't even a part of the story yet, they didn't like each other. Honestly, I don't really like Stede either (a hot take, I know, but he just gets on my nerves a lot).

As the season progresses, we see this emotionally immature, repressed dude watch the person he's in love with fall in love with a person he hates. I also don't think that Izzy even has internalized homophobia. He knows that he loves Ed, he just doesn't have the words to express it, and the whole thing with him disliking Stede is, in my mind, because he views Stede as incompetent (which he sort of is) and as a threat to Ed. It's less of an "I don't want two guys to kiss >:((" and more of a "oh my goodness, this clueless person is gonna get us all killed."

Imagine you have lived your entire life doing something one way, only for someone else to come along and do it completely opposite, but not only is everything working out for them, the person you have loved and based your entire identity off of is suddenly in loved with them. It would be unnerving and uncomfortable, right?

And another thing. Izzy is essentially Ed's executive function in the first season. We see him following Ed around, trying to remind him that they have things to do, but Ed is not doing well. He literally says to Izzy that he would be interested in dying. So Izzy has to deal with that on top of a crew that doesn't listen (l love them, don't get me wrong, but come on guys), and now interacting on a daily basis with Stede. Bro's literally doing everything he can to keep the ship running. Of course he's gonna feel fed up when Ed shows up in Stede's clothes, goofing off, and not really being a captain.

This is getting long, so I'm probably gonna make another part, but I kinda want to go episode by episode and just analyze Izzy because I love him and yeah.

Also, also, this is in no way hate towards the Izzy haters, I (kinda) understand where you're coming from; he's not for everyone, I get it. But please don't come after me for saying I don't like Stede...

[threadsun]

Flanon Asks: "Omg okay, biting.

TDV, DOL, your OCs, anything. I want to see biting/marking headcanons or writing!!!

I had a friend (I don’t wanna say Situationship or fwb but we have a vibe ig) who bit me on the arm the other day and hoooooly shit oh my god 😫

Maybe the bitten/biter experiences some sorta euphoria or like, ‘click’ after experiencing it for the first time?

- 🍮"

Ooooh I love biting!! I'll give a selection of who I think would be most into it >:3c

Content: biting, sadism, marking

To Do Valley:

Abigail bites people both as a stim and because she thinks it's funny to see how they react! She'll bite anyone she likes, especially her friends and partners.

Harvey tends to bite out of a mixture of sadism and curiosity. He loves how startled people are by it since he doesn't seem the type, and he loves to watch the way bite marks develop and heal.

Sebastian and Maru both make the cutest sounds when you bite them~ They'll squeak and whimper and squirm and it's absolutely adorable, especially when they get flustered after!

Sam gets flustered if you bite him and definitely enjoys it, and he'll bite you right back! He's got kinda sharp teeth too, so he always leaves some deep marks that he admires later.

Degrees of Lewdity:

Robin and Sydney blush and make cute sounds when you bite them too! If you rile them up enough, they might bite back, though they'll be apologetic about it afterwards.

Kylar will leave you covered in bite marks to claim you and will demand that you do the same for him. Everyone needs to know that the two of you belong to each other.

Whitney bites you for fun, he likes watching you yelp and squirm! He also thinks it's hot if you get overwhelmed during sex and bite him to let out some of that pent up energy~

Black Wolf is obviously a biter. She's gentle because she knows you can't handle the full strength of her jaws, but she uses it to hold you in place and show her ownership.

Avery will bite you as a warning when you upset her. For her it's not a sexy thing, it's an anger thing, but if it turns you on then she'll definitely mentally file that away to use against you.

Izzy enjoys biting and being bitten, she gets real giggly over it. You can tell she's going to bite you because she starts giggling first. And if you bite her, you'd better be ready to fuck~

Weird Earth:

Zander is a biter, especially in golem mode but just in general. His teeth are sharp and jagged~ He'll also moan if you bite him and ask you to do it again, harder.

Glitch bites out of anger, annoyance, being overwhelmed... really any strong emotion is enough to make him sink his fangs into you. Especially if you ignore his hissing.

Lin bites for fun and curiosity. He gets bored easily, and biting always gets a fun reaction from people. He also loves to see who does and doesn't get turned on by it~

Yana enjoys startling you by biting you suddenly and for no reason. She wants to keep you on your toes. She'll definitely mock you if you get turned on when she bites you.

Gin and Aisling both have very sharp teeth and like to bite for fun. Gin's teeth are slightly jagged and she loves marking you. Aisling enjoys riling you up whenever she can~

Callum loves to bite and be bitten. It's pretty much inevitable if you're getting frisky with him. Expect to be covered in drool and bite marks whenever you start kissing him.

[bubblepopsims]

Ruby sighed and shuffled more through the large photo album. More and more the memories seemed to come back, but yet they didn't seem as painful to relive them again. Her eye widened and a loud laugh followed. R: "Oh goddddd I FORGOT I CUT MY HAIR!" Josiah raised a brow in confusion only for his eyes to widen "YOU DID WAIT LET ME SEE!" but before Ruby could even pass it Josiah decided to rip the whole album from her immediately laughing at the sight.

J: "the swooop - he managed to say through the tears that filled his eyes- THE FUCKING SWOOP.... DUDE.... ! holy hell... ahahah that was a time. looked like our old lesbian gym teacher." Ruby threw one of the pillows at him and huffed "shut the fuck up! the mop on my head had to go and guess what i trusted Hades to cut my hair okay ! he said it looked good." Josiah continued to laugh and shake his head only to stop and fully examine the pictures before him.

his smile started to drop slowly while his eyes glanced up at Ruby. J: "Izzi was slowly becoming themselves before our very own eyes.. looking at these pictures, you can just see it... especially in their eyes." Ruby huffed again and let out a deep sigh "those fucking eyes... there were times I really thought Izzi was going to just rip me apart and drink my blood.. honestly, it was quite hot. - she laughed and shook her head- Izzi had a way of catching me off guard with just a look.. I don't know.. they always had this intense stare, like.. it wasn't really them staring back at me but it was.." Josiah hummed and looked back down only to chuckle "Why are we such idiots!" Josiah turned the book towards Ruby showing him exactly what he was talking about. R: "jesus..."

R: "fucking graduation..... you know to this day i still don't remember what the hell happened that night.." Josiah blinked and thought for a moment only to scrunch up his face "i actually.... shit... i don't know either.. i just know a lot of tequila was involved and you were crying about how much you missed Izzi because they couldn't go out that night." Ruby nodded slowly trying to think hard on it but decided to just go with it. "yeah... i think that is kinda what happened at your guys graduation too right" J: "noooo we got Izzi high that night remember on the beach " Ruby laughed and pinched the bridge of her nose "oh my god yes and Izzi kept getting very paranoid.. that night we learned no weed for izzi... ahaha... god Izzi was so cute though... sadly we only took one picture that day." Josiah chuckled but shrugged "it's a good one though"

previous - next

[izzy-b-hands]

Sweet Blackbonnet nsfw thing. My only excuse is that i was going feral at pics of Rhys yesterday so I'm living thru Ed a bit.

Get it Ed bby.

---

He gently rests his head on Stede's thigh. It isn't exactly where he wants to be, but it's in the right neighbourhood.

"Needy today?"

Stede's hand gently runs through his hair, and he nuzzles his face a bit closer to his goal.

"I thought we were relaxing for now," Stede chuckles.

"We are," Ed sighs happily and presses his nose against Stede's inner thigh.

"You seem to have a goal in mind though."

"I might. But I'm feeling lazy at the same time."

"Tragedy," Stede sighs dramatically.

"It truly is."

Stede giggles as he flops over fully onto his lap, directly but gently onto his bulge.

"Edward."

"Yes?" he leaves his reply muffled into Stede, smiling against him when Stede laughs hard enough to shake them both.

"Was this the end goal? It can't possibly have been."

"You want this blowjob or not?"

Stede laughs again, and he takes the opportunity to quickly move the edge of his nightshirt out of the way and mouth over his cotton underclothes covered cock.

The laugh cuts off into a sigh.

He pauses to grin into Stede's lap, wrapping his arms around him as best he can.

"I live here now."

"Oh do you? Even when we go on raids?"

"Yup. It's simple, we put me on something that rolls, and then you walk, and Izzy can help push the cart or whatever-"

"What about sword fighting?!"

"Do you usually sword fight with your cock?" Ed jokes, then pauses. "Well. Actually-"

Stede's fingers thread gently through his hair, and he lets his eyes flutter shut as he mouths again over his cock.

"I should have locked the door," Stede sighs.

"Wait," Ed lifts his head. "We did all that last night, and the door wasn't even locked?

Stede gives him a sheepish chuckle.

"Kinda hot. Besides, you would think they've all learned by n-"

"Oh-" the door creaks open to reveal Lucius peering in. "Busy, got it, I was never here, shall I lock this? I shall."

The door slams shut, the lock clicks from the outside, and they break into giggles.

"Why does that lock from the outside?" Ed asks as he drops his head back down and nuzzles against Stede's half hard cock.

"Oh! In case I, as Captain, go mad with power or something else and the crew needs to lock me away for my own safety!"

"...do you plan to go mad with power?"

"Not right now!"

"Good."

He takes the pause as a chance to mouth over Stede's cock again, fighting off the urge to giggle when Stede presses him down ever so slightly. "Impatient?"

He says it around Stede's cock, and it earns him a shaky moan.

He lifts his head. "Awww. Want more?"

"I think that's obvious I do."

"Yeah, but are you sure?"

"Edward."

"Ooh say it again!"

Stede's head drops back onto the pillow. "I'll say something alright."

"I know you will."

He undoes the tiny buttons on the front flap of Stede's underclothes (seems like overkill, but they are really cute pearl colored buttons) and immediately takes the head of his cock in his mouth.

"Please."

"Mhm?" is all he can manage in reply.

"What?"

"Mhmm!"

"Take my cock out of your mouth; I'm not getting it."

"Mhmmhmmm!"

"Edward."

He pops Stede's cock out of his mouth. "I...I just forgot what I was going to say. Fuck! It was hot too. I think. Can I just get back to-"

"I won't say no to that."

He takes Stede in as far as he can, and lets his mind go blank. It's not quite as soothing as laying on the beach, sucking Stede's cock, and listening to the waves crash on the sand, but it's damn close.

"Ed."

"Mhm?"

"Oh god not again. I'm trying to ask...tap your shoulder or no?"

"nhh."

"Please just say yes or no. As much as I love this and you-"

"Nah," Ed lolls his tongue out and taps the head of Stede's cock on it. "Just come down my throat."

"Oh."

That's sign enough, and he hurriedly takes Stede back down before they accidentally send another nightshirt to the laundry pile.

"Mhmm."

"Use your words," Ed teases and flops back up beside him on the pillows.

"Mhm."

"Yeah?"

Stede pulls him in for a kiss. "We're locked in, sort of."

"Yeah," Ed frowns. "Wait. We can lock the door from either side. What would that do if you went mad with power or whatever and they wanted to lock you in here like you said?"

"Oh," Stede says. "Huh. Hadn't thought of that, actually. They could shove something in front of the door."

He snuggles in as Stede pulls him closer. "What now?"

"Well, we're locked in. Technically. And I don't know that I remember how to work the lock from this side. We'll have to simply lay here and wait and maybe try that thing from last night again-"

"You liked it that much?"

"Why don't I show you how much?"

[ltlemon]

here's me live-blogging episode 8 of OFMD for funzies (I have a feeling this episode might kill me) (oh and spoiler warning)

oh...oh no...is he sad...

ok a little but as least he's appreciating nature

hes so cute

aw no bbg

☹️

HEE

oh that's a nice title card

wow Ricky is a bastard

kinda cunty.

oh so she is alive!!

OH STEDE YOU BASTARD

EEEEEEE HE FUCKJINF POUNCED ON THEM

OH. OH NO.

OH GOD ED.

D:

...

WHAT?? how were they literally right there???

hi izzy <3

oh Izzy's next to candles once again. what's with that? has anyone done a theory on that yet?

aww <33 it's about belonging to something... <33

IT'S ABOUT FINDING THE FAMILY TO KILL FOR WHEN YOURS ARE LONG DEAD !!

IT'S ABOUT LETTING GO OF YOUR EGO FOR SOMETHING LARGER, THE CREW !!!!

HAH HOLY SHIT

stede's letter actually got to land! maybe not in the hands that it was meant to though.

!!!!!!!!!

GET FUCKING SHOULDER STABBED HOMOPHOBE

HES READING IT AS HES CHOKING A GUY OUTYDGCGHBCAS

AEWW HIS LITTLE SOPPING WET CAT EYES <3333

'this is lovely' 🥺 'YOU WROTE ME A LOVELY LETTER' 😡

GO STEDE GO !! SCAMPER !!

OH OH OH I KNOW WHERE THIS ISSSS

THIS IS IT BOYS THIS IS THAT ONE BEACH SCENE FROM THE PROMOS ISNT IT

IT'S HAPPENING!!

YEAHHHH!!!!!

YES!!!!

AAAAAAGhHHHHHH THE FUCKN KISAYCUWDBWSC

THEY WENT IN FOR A SECONDHUDEOHSBAK

awww the little look into each others eyes they're so sweet <333

meanwhile, Zhengs literally fighting for her life back there

oh wow auntie Is Not Doing Good

olu calling for jim 🥺

aww ed's complimenting her <33

eeee they're bonding !!

oh my god stede stop

AWW

he called him babe 🥺 just like in stede's dreams 🥺🥺

Izzy's just sitting there trying not to laugh

WHOAA GET HIM !!

UE!

'ooh there's a lot of them.' 😬

SHE POISON TRAINED THE SWEDE WITHOUT HIM EVEN KNOWING HOLY SHIT

aww

that's all Zheng's ever really wanted to hear from her

UE!!

YEAH JIM AND ARCHIE KISS AGAIN YES!!

oh my god they all look so cute

did izzy get shot??? and just take it like that????

grade A espionage though

yeah he did!! holy shit dude, wow.

oh oh ed's helping him...!! <33

oh no bbg's dying from the blood loss

??????

NO WE'RE NOT DOING THIS

NOT NOW

NONONONONONO

I WAS JOKING

WHAT

FUCK

'he was a fucking nightmare. what a guy'

he just started to heal he just got fully accepted into the crew

AGHH

yes please do murder Ricky :)))

idk if ed's gonna be super gung-ho for that though he kinda just got over doing that sorta stuff so...

WHOA WE'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO THE MARRIAGE OK

these last few minutes are really speed running our emotions

!! the whole crew is marrying them !!

EEE EDS LOOK AT STEDEABADHYAGBKEH

they're officially maties 🥺

gotta love gay pirate marriage :'))

!!

oh my god. they're not on the ship. are they... doing what I think they're doing

YES. YES. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

THEYRE INNKEEPERS THEN??? RIGHT???? PLEASE????

YEAH!!!!!

OH MY GOD IT'S A FIXER-UPPER IT'S GOT GOOD BONES LIKE THEM AAAAAA

'maybe there's a feral animal or something we can cook up for dinner'

I'm going insane

HOLY SHIT IZZYS IN THEIR YARD???? THEY SETTLED DOWN WITH HIM!! They're together forever 🥺

wow...

okay.

there's gotta be an after credits to this right

please

YES!

aww, cute <3

wow ok hot diggity damn that was a lot.

and I just remembered that that's the end of season 2 so :))

wow.

hm.

that was a lot.

[run-me-through-but-not-like-that]

Could you do an Izzy Hands/Reader where the Izzy gets up in the readers face to give them orders bc they won’t listen and the reader bites back with a sarcastic remark and they both kinda pause, realizing at the same exact time that they like each other and both their first thoughts are somewhat along: “Ew what the hell-“

i love your writing!:)

This isn't Happening:

It was just another normal day on the Revenge for the crew, a part of the day they had come to expect, no longer surprised by. The crew not so subtly gathering around to listen into whatever argument you and Izzy had gotten into now.

The two of you were always bickering, always at each other's throats. The crew had started making bets on how long the arguments would last and who would stab the other first.

They were pretty sure the two of you had started out on opposite sides of the deck, pretty much anyway, but now the two of you were only a couple of feet away from each other. Standing toe to toe, still snarling like rabid animals.

"Oh fuck you, you have no idea what you're talking about. You're all fucking idiots," Izzy seethed, throwing insults at you and the crew, even though the crew had been improving impressively fast. It was never enough for him.

"We'll we're really sorry for not being the mighty Blackbeard or his ass-kissing first mate," you scoffed, glare not faltering for a moment. He had been a long time since he had manage to intimidate you, his threats were empty now.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" his voice lowered dangerously, something flashing behind his eyes that sent a small thrill down your spine. You had to admit that you enjoyed messing with him.

"Oh, I think you heard me just fine. Or are you going deaf, old man? One too many cannon battles? Might be time to retire soon," you knew that you were just pushing and pushing, purposely making him angrier.

"I'll retire when you and the rest of this so-called-crew get your heads out of your arses and act like real fucking pirates," Izzy flashed his teeth in a grimace, a strand of hair falling out of place.

"I'll show you a real fucking pirate," you snarled, inching closer.

This close, you could see every fine detail on each other's faces, could make out every little micro expression. This close, it was impossible to miss the way Izzy's gaze dropped to your mouth. Impossible it ignore the way you repeated the glanced.

His lips pink and wet, the threat of teeth behind them. Fucking hell, they were practically begging you to kiss them. And damn, you wanted too. The realisation was sudden, knocking you off balance.

The realisation seemed to hit both of you at the same time, faces scrunching up in sync with each other.

“Fuck,” Izzy spat, flinching backwards like you struck him.

“You have got to be fucking kidding me,” you were shaking your head at yourself, in disbelief and disgust.

“Fuck you."

“In your dreams, Iggy."

“…fuck!” you both exclaimed simultaneously before stomping off in opposite directions.

Any of the crew that were in the way parted, watching with interest.

“Did…they just have a moment?” Black Pete asked, leaning towards Lucius.

“More like a revelation, I think. And not one that either of them were happy about…” Lucius leaned right back, resting against his shoulder.

"It was kinda hot," Black Pete hummed, a smirk growing on his face.

"Yeah, in a kind of...dysfunctional way. Still hot, though," Lucius agreed. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm going to go stir the pot a little," he planted a kiss to Pete's cheek before standing up and stretching.

"Go get 'em, babe!" Pete cheered, watching his boyfriend cross the deck to cause some trouble.

-

It didn't take long for Lucius to find you in the galley. You didn't seem to have any real reason to be there, other than enjoying the empty space as you paced back and forth muttering to yourself.

"Hey there," Lucius interrupted your...muttering session?

You paused, clearly haven't heard him come in, and turned to him. "Hey, Luce," you aimed for casual but you already knew he was up to something from the look on his face.

"Quite the show you put on up there," he smirked, far too knowingly for your liking.

"Sure. The asshole doesn't know when to drop it," you huffed, hoping Lucius would know when to drop it. He always had an eye for this kind of thing, and you just knew he must have sensed something was off.

"Right, that's the problem," Lucius rolled his eyes, "totally not because you got all hot under the collar for the first mate."

"What are you talking about?" you questioned slowly, as if warning him to take the hint, to back down now.

"Oh, please. Izzy...getting all up on your face, doing that thing where he just can't look away from your mouth, getting all snarky. Spoiler alert, babe. He wants you," Lucius informed you with a little wiggle of his eyebrows.

"Lucius, you better be getting to the point," you warned.

"Are you gonna...?" he was wiggling his eyebrow again with a suggestive look in his eye.

"Fuck no," your face twisted in offence. "Izzy? He's the worst. Why would I-"

"Uh, because I couldn't tell which one of you was going to pounce first?" Lucius laughed, he couldn't believe you were still denying it after that little display. You and Izzy had always been weird about each other, everything a little too intense for it to be pure dislike for each other. "You have it bad for each other, deal with it," he shrugged.

"Lucius, I am this close to using one of Roach's precious knives on you," you held you hand up, the pad of your thumb and forefinger nearly touching, grazing each other.

"He'd kill you for touching them," he called your bluff.

"It'd be worth it," you smirked, a glint in your eye that made the scribe wonder just how much of a bluff it was.

"Damn, you and Dizzy really are right for each other, huh?" Lucius teased. Even if you had the urge, he knew you wouldn't draw blood from him.

"Lucius," you warn lowly, picking up Roach's cleaver from the counter, twirling it between your fingers.

"I'm going!" Lucius threw his hands up in surrender, laughing as he fled.

On his way out, he nearly knocked Roach over. Meaning the cook already wasn't in the best of moods when he eyed his prized possession in you hand. "Hey, what the fuck are you doing with my baby?" he questioned accusingly, striding over to you.

"Didn't use it, I swear! Was just threatening Luce," you promised, holding the blade out to him, not wanting to keep it away from the cook.

"Damn right you didn't use it. Give it here," Roach snatched it from your hand before ordering, "scram."

"Yes, boss," you nodded, giving him a placating smile before leaving the galley.

-

"-and we'll be reaching port in two days if there are no sudden weather changes. Buttons says the winds should stay relatively consistent," Izzy finished his report to the captains, itching to leave the cabin, though perhaps not itching to risk seeing you again. Not after that embarrassing production, he never had been the best at keeping his cards close to his chest.

Edward used to say he wore every feeling he ever had on his face, all in his eyes, just like Jack used to call him a sentimental bastard. Maybe they weren't too far off.

"Sounds good, Iz," Edward nodded, only half paying attention. There was nothing in the report that required his attention, everything had been taken care of.

"Roach will be glad to reach a port, he's already complaining about lack of rations," Stede commented, a smile on his face. Too happy about being near to a port.

"Because you made him make another cake," Izzy glared at him, he had already given the lecture about wasting rations.

"Ah, the reasons don't matter," Stede shrugged it off.

"So...is that business all dealt with?" Edward asked, perking up slightly.

"Yes, captain. I'll have a list made for all supplies needed-" Izzy began, only to be interrupted.

"Yeah, yeah, that's real good, Iz," Edward nodded, gesturing toward one of the chairs across from the couch that the captains say on, "hey, c'mon, sit down. I wanna talk to you about something."

"Is it urgent, boss?" Izzy asked. Something told him this wasn't going to be a conversation he enjoyed.

"Extremely," Edward insisted.

"And I have to sit for this?" Izzy would prefer to stand closer to the door.

"I'd prefer it," Edward told him, as if he was really giving him a choice. "C'mon, Iz. We can't talk anymore? Like the old days," now he was practically whining, and Izzy could never deny him anything, could he?

"Fine, whatever," Izzy sighed, dropping down onto the chair.

"Heard about your little...altercation up on deck," Edward was clearly amused, but Izzy knew better than to take that at face value.

"Right," Izzy nodded, voice stoic. "It won't happen again," he assured them.

"Yep, Stede told me all about it," Edward grinned. Once again, Izzy was glaring at Bonnet, feeling like a child being scolded. Stede just smiled nervously in response. "You got into an argument, said some mean shit about the crew," his captain tutted.

"Like I said, won't happen again," Izzy reiterated.

"Eh, don't worry about that. Heard they gave as good as they got," Edward shrugged, making Izzy roll his eyes. "Oh yeah, Stede told me all the details. Thought I might have to do something about it...until he mentioned how you got all up in each other's faces," he continued, his playful grin morphing into a smirk.

"Ed, what are you talking about?" Izzy prompted, growing tired of the topic.

"Oh come on, Iz!" Edward lean forward, elbows on his knees. "I know you, how you get. When somebody's getting you all frustrated, you get all up in their face. Stede said he thought about intervening but he couldn't figure out if you were going to kiss or kill each other," he was clearly enjoying this too much.

"I mean, if it's the former, do as you please. I have no involvement in the relationships of the crew, though perhaps no foreplay up on the deck without the consent of the rest of the crew, I'm sure you understand." Izzy officially wanted to wring out Bonnet's neck.

"Fucking hell, it wasn't-" he began to protest.

"But if it's the latter, I'd really prefer it if you didn't kill a valued member of the crew," Stede finished before gesturing for Izzy to speak.

"Fuck this. I'm leaving," Izzy stood abruptly, not wanting to hear another word. Didn't need to sit their while they amused themselves with his predicament. A predicament that he didn't even fully understand.

"Iz, man, come on!" Edward was on his feet, laughing as he pleaded for the other man to stay. "I say, go for it! I'm happy for you mate!" but Izzy was still heading for the door, not looking back. "Where are you going?" Edward asked, practically pouting.

"To throw myself over the railing," Izzy muttered, leaving the cabin and slamming the door shut behind him.

-

You had found yourself a sound little hiding spot in the Ballroom of the Revenge. It wasn't a secret room or anything, of course, but it wasn't a room that the crew thought about often or tended to visit.

And it was the crew that you were avoiding. You loved them, really you did, they had become your family, but you just couldn't put up with the comments or questions anymore. It was all well meaning harmless fun, of course, but you really did not need to talk about the whole Izzy thing right now. You didn't even want to think about it.

You let out a sigh of defeat when the door opened. You had been caught, you knew it was only a matter of time. Though your defeat quickly turned to confused frustration when Izzy stepped into the room, hurriedly closing the door behind him and let out a breath of relief.

"Fuck off, get your own hiding spot," you huffed, aware you were practically sulking as you slumped back against the wall.

"I'm not hiding," Izzy scoffed, as if you weren't doing the exact same thing.

"Sure you're not," you rolled your eyes.

Izzy looked between you and the door, weighing his options and sighing. He made a point of taking a spot on the other side of the room, sitting on the floor just like you were.

"Who are you hiding from?" Izzy asked, a reluctant attempt at conversation.

"The crew," you answered. You wouldn't be surprised if his answer was the same, but still you asked. "You?"

"The captains."

That caught your interest but it was still too easy to poke at him. "Hey, you just referred to Stede as one of your captains. Wasn't so hard, was it?" you couldn't help but taunt him, just a little.

"This does not make us friends," Izzy's expression hardened into a familiar grimace.

"Well, duh, obviously," you readily agreed, rolling your eyes at him once more for good measure.

The two of you sat in silence then, cherishing the peace and quiet. Thankfully, the cannonballs had been neatly stored away rather than being allowed to wreak havoc. You may have been stuck in a tiny room with Izzy Hands, but at least you didn't have to avoid rouge cannonballs.

Eventually, you just had to ask. "What are the captains bothering you about? Nothing we should worry about, right?"

"None of your concern," Izzy dismissed, earning a displeased huff from you. Glancing over at you, he let out a sigh, before answering, "it's personal. The ship is fine." If you didn't know any better, you'd think it was an attempt to reassure you.

"Ooo, personal," you whistled lowly.

"Why are you hiding from your ridiculous crew?" Izzy asked.

"It's personal," you retorted smugly.

Izzy rolled his eyes, making no further attempts at small talk. The two of you fell into silence again.

You should have brought something with you to keep yourself entertained because you were quickly growing bored. Drumming your fingers against the wooden floor.

It earnt you a glare from Izzy but you ignored him, getting a nice little beat going.

Izzy's patience was already next to non-existent, so you weren't at all surprised when he finally snapped. "Fucking stop that!"

"Fucking make me," you shot back, not even attempting to supress your smirk, knowing it would only wind him up further.

"Why do you always have to be such a pain in the ass?"

"Why do you always have to be so uptight?"

"Because nobody fucking listens!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't such an asshole about everything people would listen to you."

Izzy pushed up to his feet and stomped over you, at least pleased to hear that the gentle drumming had stopped. He stood over you, scowling, but you just continued to smirk up at him.

"What are you going to do about it, Hands?" you cocked an eyebrow, knowing there was nothing he could do, Stede and Edward wouldn't like it. "Things work differently here," you reminded him, holding his gaze as you stood.

"That so?"

You leaned back against the wall casually, arms folded over your chest. "You can't just throw your weight around until people do what you say. Nobody here is scared of you anymore, so threats don't work. Act like a normal fucking person and life will be a little smoother."

Izzy pushed forward, teeth baring to respond, only for the door to swing open. You both jumped and turned to the sudden intrusion.

"Iz!" Edward grinned in the doorway, Lucius smirking by his side. "Told you they had to be around here somewhere," he nudged Lucius' shoulder and you wondered when those two got so friendly.

"And I told you they'd likely be together," Lucius bragged.

"Edward," Izzy warned.

"Alright, alright, just letting you know we'll be coming into port soon, thought you'd want to make sure we don't wreck," Edward teased, only laughing when Izzy growled under his breath. "But we'll leave you to it. Please, carry on."

They were both laughing as Edward dragged the scribe off, the door slamming shut again.

"Fucking idiots," you both muttered, both pulling a face when you realised you had agreed on something simultaneously.

"Show your captain some respect," Izzy spun around to face you again, glowering.

"Oh fuck you," you laughed, not even pissed off with him anymore, more amused than anything.

"You're a goddamn nightmare," Izzy grumbled before striding over to the door.

"Takes one to know one!" you called out playfully.

Izzy opened the door before looking back over his shoulder at you. "Find a better hiding place, I doubt they're going to drop this whole thing anytime soon," Izzy advised.

"...I'll find one of Stede's secret compartments," you promised, a silent agreement being shared between the two of you.

Izzy nodded before leaving, pulling the door shut behind him.

You ran your hand over your face, stuck between the urge to grin and complain. It looked like the two of you were going to be spending a lot more time together, even if it was to actively avoid confronting whatever the hell was going on between you.

[inkyblinders]

Dancing with the Devil: Part II

Part 1

Pairing: Luca Changretta x Reader

Author’s note: This was so embarrassing to write not because of smut...but because I’m crushing hard on Adrien Brody right now. And I can’t even share this obsession with anyone because… he’s kinda niche? Someone please reassure me that I’m just going through a phase because dear God why can’t I stop watching Darjeeling Limited just to see him ahhh.

The story picks up right after the end of Part 1, so I recommend reading that first. Comments, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated, let me know what you think!

Summary: Following your meeting with Luca Changretta, you face the Shelby family and Tommy's reaction. (2.6k words)

Warnings: Smut, angst, swearing

Tag: Let me know if you would like to be added or removed

@anythingwriter, @rrtxcmt, @shut-chan

_____________________________________________________________

You barely make it into your bedroom before he is all over you. The buttons of his crisp, tailored shirt fall like marbles. He moans when you nip the skin of his neck, right over his tattoo of the black cross, legs tangled together like a depraved waltz.

When he grinds into you, you shudder deliciously at the hardness that meets between your bare thighs.

How easy would it be for him to kill you after he fucks you, leaving your corpse twisted in the bedsheets. You know Tommy would find it when he eventually remembers that he has not seen you for days.

“Signorita, you know I come to you with the most honorable of intentions.” He murmurs, as if sensing your thoughts.

“You're not a very honorable man then.” A laugh that turns into a gasp as he trails his hand lower and strokes between your legs. No, not very honorable at all. And pretty soon all thoughts of honor are forgotten as he coaxes a moan from your throat.

His fingers are magic. The cold outline of his onyx rings scald your skin each time he crooks a finger inside you. Knowing exactly what you need, seeking your depths, swirling, rising to rub the clit, all the while exploring the flushed expanse of your body with his other hand.

Shoulder to breasts to hips and back again.

Without meaning to, you’ve let this stranger take control of your entire being. But God, do you crave this pure ecstasy.

It’s as if he wants to know precisely how much you can take before you're undone. So when you clench around his hand and feel the familiar ache he is right there, helping you ride the wave of pleasure, never breaking the rhythm of his thrusting fingers even as you curse, rake your nails down his back.

You almost cry out his name when you come. But you bite into his shoulder instead.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna have to hear you next time.” He growls.

His words barely register as you come down from the high. Aftershocks spark like tiny flames. Now you are wearing his scent as much as he is wearing yours.

“Be inside me,” You whimper, tugging at his soft hair, urging him for more.

He rasps an empty warning, “What's my name, sweetheart?”

Of course. All this time you've never acknowledged you know of his identity. There was no use in trying to hide it now.

“Luca,” you breathe. And his eyes gleam with approval.

With a snap of his hips, he plunges into silky warmth. The fullness stretches you to your limit, head thrown back. It’s good, so good. Every withdrawal of his thrust is a blessing because you know what follows next. It’s him inside you again, wrapping you with his touch and the scent of tobacco and roses.

“Does your Tommy fuck you like this? Like the way I do?”

“He’s not mine.” You choke out, punishing Luca with a bite on the neck that elicits a chuckle rather than a yelp of pain.

He kisses you, your foreheads pressed together. “A damn shame for him.” Soon he starts to quicken his pace, going faster, more erratic, his breathing heavy upon your ears.

Yes, you urge him, come on, now.

And this is your chance. In a flash you roll on top of him, pinning down his shoulders with your hands. He tries to arch up but you stop him with a knee.

“How many men did you bring, Changretta?” You ask, making your voice rough to mask the lust, pressing your hands around his jugular.

It's a pleasure to see him like this. Shocked at your actions, maybe even scared. Naked with want but unable to do anything to relieve it. Unless he tells the truth.

“Fifteen. Why baby, am I not enough for you?” He laughs breathlessly, hands trailing goosebumps along your hips, tracing the contour of your breasts. The jib doesn't hurt you. After all, men have said worse. He tries to surge into you again, and his hot member pulses on your thighs.

“Do you swear on your honor? That you’re telling the truth?” You insist, squeezing him harder. The touch brands his skin as much as it brands yours.

In a voice full of self-mockery he says, “Yes I swear on my honor. Now let me in, clever Isabel.”

You take him in you, the sensations amplify a thousandfold. You try teasing him, going slowly in and out, but soon you are caught up in the sensation of him completely at your mercy and you ride him, faster, until you keen his name, until he too is undone.

****

Through the haze of dawn, he stumbles out of bed and gets dressed. Before he dons his hat once more, Luca leans down to whisper in your ear, as soft as sin.

“You tell Tommy Shelby he may expect a visitor in the night. I'm coming for him as the angel of death. The vendetta has begun…” He kisses your hair.

“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”

The door clicks shut. You rise from your pillow, and a small, hard lump rolls next to your hand.

It is a signet ring of onyx and gold.

****

“So we all get a death letter from the mafia, but Izzy gets jewelry?” Ada huffs as the family filters into the betting shop. As usual, Tommy holds court at the front of the table, brooding over a glass of whiskey. You roll your eyes as Arthur and John try to cover their snort of laughter with a cough.

“If you want it, you can have it, Ada. He’s probably planning on killing me too.”

“Doubt it. You’re not a Shelby, and we’re the ones who killed his father. Well, someone did, to be precise.” She shoots a bitter look at Tommy, who doesn’t even have the decency to look ashamed.

Despite Ada’s matter-of-fact tone, the words cut to your heart. Not a Shelby.

It’s not her fault. No one knows you’ve been sleeping with Tommy, not even your dearest friend. It’s a lonely secret to keep, but at least you can look at the family square in the eye and not have to worry about the things they say behind your back. Or worse, pity you.

You can handle the violence and moral ambiguity of Tommy’s business. But to lose the love and respect of the Shelbys would break your heart.

“What was the mafia man like, Izzy?” Finn asks eagerly. It’s obvious the boy is thinking of the dashing, gun-wielding gangsters he’s seen in the pictures.

“He was a wrinkly old brute. Kind of like your arsehole brother Tommy.” A smile to take the edge off the insult. But Tommy only looks off into space. As if he hasn't paid attention to this entire conversation.

Arthur clears his throat. “Now, let’s get one thing straight. It was me who pulled the trigger on his dad, so the blame falls on me.” He pats Linda’s hand even as his voice is heavy with guilt.

“No one’s blaming you Arthur, you weren’t the brains behind the operation, no offense.” Ada says. He is about to say something when Polly cuts in.

“Stop squabbling like children. We’ve all voted for truce, despite everything Tommy’s done to us—” The words nearly having us hanged hover pointedly in the air. “—So let’s focus on the matter at hand." She fixes Tommy with a sharp look.

“What’s the news from Camden Town? Will Solomons help us?”

“No.” He says tiredly. And all of a sudden you feel sorry for teasing him. He look gaunt. There are shadows under his eyes, even more so than usual. Without you to remind him to eat, you can imagine his diet for the past few days consisted more of alcohol and cigarettes than anything substantial.

“Spent three hours on a fucking tour of his bakery and another pretending to drink his piss-poor rum. I think he was trying to get me sloshed so I’d forget what I came for.” Tommy rubs his head.

“He’s refusing to send his men to help. Said he’s not going to go after another oppressed people.”

“Did you tell him the Italians are rounding up Jews in their country as we speak?” Polly asks incredulously.

“Wouldn’t make a difference to Alfie. Besides, that’s just an excuse. He’s really just a fucking coward.”

Polly looks troubled at this, as does the rest of the family. Everyone had been counting on Alfie’s friendship with Tommy, however peculiar, to help them with the vendetta. What they hadn’t expected was his extreme sense of self-perseverance. How are they going to protect themselves now?

“Before everyone panics, I’d like to say something.” Tommy clears his throat, setting down the whisky.

“As you may all know, two nights ago our Izzy encountered Mr. Changretta in the Garrison. He bought her a drink and asked her to deliver an official beginning of the vendetta.” He chooses this time to finally look at you. You hold his gaze until he looks shiftily away.

“We can also assume that he has been scoping out Small Heath, looking for any weaknesses on our turf. Now, Izzy has something to share with you all.”

You stand up uncertainly. The last time a woman other than Polly tried to speak her mind at the table it had been Esme, who still refuses to come to the betting shop unless Tommy is not here.

“While Mr. Changretta was, er, indisposed at the Garrison, I found some items in his coat that I think could be useful.” You fish out a passport and a stack of papers from your skirt pockets.

“Good job, Izzy! Oh, I knew we could count on you more than my idiot brother.” Ada beams.

“Becoming a right little spy, eh?” John ruffles your hair good-naturedly. As everyone gathers around, Polly gives a low whistle.

“Goodness, if this is your definition of an ugly brute, I wonder who’ll really catch your fancy, darling.”

You flush. The documents were obtained shortly after Luca had fallen asleep. It was an exercise in agility, trying to extricate yourself from his tangle of limbs, especially when you wanted nothing more than to stay in bed, encased in his warmth.

To your own credit, the papers were highly useful indeed. Some were maps of Birmingham, circles drawn in places where the Shelbys are known to frequent. The Garrison. Charlie’s Yard. The Arrow House. There was also stationary from The Stanton, a hotel just outside of the city.

There had been another piece of paper in the stack, a letter. But you kept that for yourself.

“We all have Izzy to thank for bringing us this valuable information.” Tommy’s voice rises above the chatter. “I will be personally examining all the documents and think of a plan. In the meantime, everyone stay alert, stay armed, and stay together.”

“Now if no one has any further questions, I need to have a private word with her. Alone.”

*****

You twirl the onyx ring around your finger as everyone filters out. It’s much too big but you still wear it anyways. The thick band of gold is comforting in its own way. And despite what you told Ada earlier, you don’t want to give it to anyone else.

Tommy’s curt voice snaps you from your reverie.

“Was it good, then?”

A small muscle tics on the underside of his jaw. His previously blank expression is now cold. The coward in you compels you to feign ignorance.

“What do you mean, Tommy?” You ask lightly.

“Did it feel good to have that fucking wop inside you?”

You burst out laughing. “Christ, Tommy. Did you pick up that word from Alfie? You sound bloody ridiculous when you’re trying to be crass, you know.”

“Don’t fucking change the subject, Isabel.” Tommy snaps.

“Oh, so I’m Isabel, now? You only call me that when you’re trying to get me in bed. Is that what you want? A bit early in the evening if you ask me.”

“What I want for you is to tell me how it felt having that man inside you, inside---”

You blaze with anger. “My sex life is none of your business, even if you are an occasional participant. I did what you would have wanted, and now I’ve got intel on the Changrettas that could save your arse!”

“Do you know how dangerous it could have been? Fraternizing with the enemy is exactly what got us into trouble with the Changrettas!”

“And fraternizing with them again has given us an advantage. We know how many associates he’s brought with him, and where they are staying. Good God,” Your eyes widen as you see the mutinous look on Tommy’s face. “Are you jealous?”

The silence of the room presses in until it's almost palpable. Finally he rubs a hand over his eyes, looking utterly defeated.

“I have no right to.” He says, pained. “But I am, just the same.”

The admission of his feelings would have made your heart soar a few days ago, before you met a man who enchanted you in the Garrison. You only laugh bitterly.

“What makes this different from all those other times you made me seduce the men you wanted to spy on?”

He says nothing. But what else is there to say? The past is in the past, and so many hurts have been caused by the both of you, it would be impossible to untangle it all.

You soften your voice, laying a hand on Tommy's arm.

“Let me continue seeing him. He wants me, and we can use that. You know it will be help, you know it might save us all.”

A breath flutters in your chest as you wait for his decision. If Tommy allows it, you’ll do it in a heartbeat. The Shelbys are your family, whether you're one in name or not.

But if he refuses, then perhaps… Perhaps he might actually care for you, deeper than jealousy, deeper than he admits.

“Very well.” Tommy says finally, and something in your heart shatters. The corners of your mouth curve up in a wobbly smile.

“Thank you for trusting me, Tommy. I won’t let you down.”

“You would never let me down, no matter what you do. Just…Be careful, Izzy.”

He closes the distance between you and enfolds you in a hug. You enjoy this quiet warmth, as fragile as spider's silk. With a small laugh, you pull away, patting his arm before turning to the door.

You don't look back to see if he follows.

[petewentztiddies]

Bucky x reader, except the reader is also a supersoldier who went through the same thing, so she 1000% understands. They both wake up from a nightmare and comfort each other, and end up having very passionate sex.

oH mY gOd iZzY!??!??!! good lord that is 𝓈𝒽𝓇𝑒𝓍𝓎.

Anyway babe, here's a bucky x fem!reader fic for ya. also omfg i love bucky barnes sm 🥺 hnngh mr barnes can rail me any day

Warnings: smut (duh), p in v sex ;) a little angst kinda? top!Bucky, bottom!reader (kinda?) unprotected sex

Word count: 1,398

You and Bucky were no strangers to nightmares; over the years, both of you were frequently plagued by them. They never became any easier to manage.

You live in the now, but there is one thing that will always and forever be a part of your past.

The Super Soldier serum.

The Soldier is part of who you are - who you both are. It's a part of Bucky, a part of you.

It wasn't an easy decision to make; to take that acceptance of what the past had set you on, and face forward.

Bucky shouts, bringing you out of your light, fitful sleep with a jolt. You throw yourself up and away from the bed with one quick motion.

It takes a moment for your vision to clear, and your breathing to steady. By the time your heart slows back down to normal, you're aware of Bucky was sitting up, leaning back with his hands braced on either side of his hips, breathing harshly, and panting as sweat dripped down his face and onto his chest, fingertips glistening with moisture.

Your pulse hadn't even calmed down enough for you to register what caused it to speed up in the first place when you exhale sharply, seeing Bucky crouched in the middle of the bed, face contorted in the middle of a scream. You can't see his eyes behind the glare the moonlight throws at you, but you get the feeling he's looking right at you.

He's looking at you.

"Bucky," you say, softer than you intend to, eyeing him as you finish sliding up onto your feet in the floor. "Hey. It's okay, Bucky. Breathe," you offer, holding your hands out open and out to your sides, to show you mean him no harm.

Bucky doesn't register your words and doesn't stop staring at you. His eyes are wide, his fists clenched.

"It's only me, Bucky," you breathe. It's then you notice how tense his body is; the tic of the muscle in his jaw, the tension in his arms, the way his shoulders hunch. He looks like he's ready for a fight, ready to grab his weapon of choice and take aim for the kill.

"Bucky, look at me," you request, the words coming out as soothing as you think you can get them. "Breathe with me. Come on. It's just me. You're safe," you reassure, still maintaining a safe distance.

It takes a couple of seconds, but you can see the way his shoulders visibly relax when he finally looks up at you, breathing deeply and still shaking. The sight of him in the state he was in made your heart ache.

You nod, ready to approach.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, and you can hear him swallow audibly. "I…" he falters, pausing, and then he pauses again, exhaling harshly. "I'm sorry." he repeats.

"Do you...want to talk about it?" you ask tentatively, though you doubted he would. Neither of you liked to talk about your nightmares.

"No," he replies, almost immediately, though you can see him glance back at you briefly before his eyes avert back to their spot between his knees. "No, I don't. I don't want to…I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Okay," you agree, "Okay," you repeat again, slowly. "I don't expect you to." you add with a smile, though you doubt he can see it. You sit beside him on the bed.

You let the silence fill the space between you, letting him collect himself. 

Finally, he says, “I don’t want to go back to sleep.” 

You shift, tucking a loose hair behind your ear. “Well, what can I do to help?”

Dark, lustful eyes follow your silhouette. "I don't want to think anymore... just let me..." He whispers, the tone of his voice desperate. 

You wordlessly nod, allowing him to pull you into a kiss. There’s nothing quite romantic about the way he kisses you, insatiable and impassioned. The kiss feels longer than it actually is. 

Finally, you break apart, staring at each other for a moment longer before his eyes glance down to where your lips are still slightly parted, watching him. 

Without another word, his cold metal hand slides up your nightshirt, leaving trails of goosebumps in it's wake. He helps you out of your shirt, leaving you in only your sports bra.

His brow furrows. He growls, and you can hear the telltale sound of tearing fabric - and then you’re bare for him, nipples hardening in the cool air. 

You never liked that bra, anyway.

He mutters your name in appreciation, teeth grazing your neck. His hands trail along your body, like he was making sure you were real. 

You wish you could see his brilliant blue eyes, if only to reassure him more. 

He tugs impatiently at the waistband of your shorts, pressing his forehead to yours. You card your fingers in his hair, and before you know it, your shorts are uncaringly tossed to the floor. 

He pauses at the waistband of your underwear. You can feel his hot breath against your neck, his fingers hooked at the waistband.

"Bucky," you plea softly.

That's seemingly all the motivation he needs, and your underwear is added to the ever-growing pile of clothes on the floor.

He doesn't hesitate to touch your clit, rubbing tight circles on the bundle of nerves.

You mewl, spreading your legs for him, anything to get more attention on your clit.

However, he abandons your clit in favor of something else.

You can feel the cold metal of his fingers In your searing heat, and you squirm. “Bucky, oh, God-” you mutter, biting your lip. 

He shushes you, pressing a kiss to your lips. You quickly get used to the icy coolness of his fingers, it adds another layer to your pleasure. He buries his two fingers to the knuckle, pumping and curling his fingers just right, making you a wet, wanton mess. 

He hits your G-spot, and you throw your head back, moaning aloud. He hits that spot a few more times before he removes his fingers, making you whine at the loss.

“Suck.” is his simple demand, fingers coated in your slick.

You oblige, sucking his fingers, the faint taste of metal mixed with your own juices.

He groans, and then his fingers - wet with your own spit - go back down to your clit, rubbing it with fast, light strokes.

You moan, clenching around nothing, aching for him.

Eventually, he stops, and you can feel the head of his cock brush against your entrance. He pauses, pressing his forehead to yours. "-needed this so much, Doll. God, I-" he trails off.

You press a kiss to his cheek. "I'm here, Bucky."

He exhales shakily, and suddenly, he buries himself inside of you to the hilt.

The noise that he releases is primal.

You moan at the feeling of being full, and the delicious stretch that comes along with it.

He stays like that for a brief moment, letting you adjust to him before he rolls his hips.

He thrusts sharply, experimentally, before he finds his rhythm, setting a frantic pace, fucking you like he'd never see you again.

He peppers kisses everywhere he can, kissing your lips, your cheeks, your neck, your shoulders - as you writhe underneath him, incoherently begging for more. He grips your hips, holding them tightly, muttering slurred praises in your ear.

It was something carnal, something wild and desperate, and it was so fucking good.

His skillfull fingers find your clit once again, and the combination of the attention on your clit and the way he hits your G-spot makes you cry out his name, you orgasm steadily approaching.

You clench around his cock and he groans in appreciation, kissing and nipping at your neck.

There was surely going to be a hickey on your neck and bruises on your thighs when you woke up tommorow, at the rate he was going.

His hips begin to stutter, his breath gets shaky. "'M gonna-" he warns,

You were about to respond when he pinches your clit, and your orgasm hits you suddenly, quickly. You yell his name, milking his cock.

He groans into your hair, whispering your name as he gives a few short, choppy thrusts before he orgasms.

You both sleep nightmare free the rest of the night.

-------

Taglist:

@rizwritesfandom @motherfuckingstargirl10 @haydens-moles

yo sorry this was vv not good ngl 💁🏻‍♀️ but like I'm really tired yall I'm sorry 🗿✌️ hope y'all enjoyed<3 also the ending was trash

Edit; wtf deadass I forgot the part where the reader was supposed to have a nightmare too????? Literally ignore me sldjfhskek

[watchmegetobsessed]

TO LOVE AND BE LOVED - Part Four (Harry Styles)

a/n: happy TLABL day!! can’t believe we are already on part 4! im not sure if part 5 will be the last part, im still very much writing the rest so we’ll see! thank you so much for all the love you’ve been showing the series, i love reading your reactions! feedback is very much appreciated this time as well!

pairing: CEO!Dad!Harry X Reader

warning: mentions of death, cheating and divorce

word count: 11k

SERIES MASTERPOST masterlist

You wake up feeling like you’ve been hit by a truck or at least consumed a whole bottle of tequila. Your head is pounding and it’s probably with all the crying and stress, so you are quick to take some pills to ease the pain. Sitting on the edge of your bed you stare ahead of you blankly, trying to gain power to start the day.

Though today is Sunday, so you are not working, you’re still worried to face Harry after whatever it was that happened last night. What were you thinking, kissing your boss out of the blue? And what was he thinking kissing you for the second time? It kind of feels like a dream, but you know it really did happen.

You try to stay in your room as long as possible, avoiding to face Harry, but soon enough you can’t postpone it any longer, because you are starving. Peeking out of your room you hear voices coming from downstairs and as you reach the stairs you recognize not just Harry’s and Izzy’s voice, but Niall’s as well.

Arriving downstairs you see Niall and Izzy sitting on the stools at the kitchen island while Harry is cleaning the dishes after their breakfast probably. He is wearing a pair of light-washed jeans and a black hoodie, the sleeves bunched around his elbows. He looks so casual and yet just looking at him makes your heart skip a beat. You are in some big trouble.

Niall spots you first and he perks up waving in your way happily.

“Good morning, Y/N!” he beams, his accent sounds so comforting in such a stressful moment, for some reason.

“Hi, good morning,” you breathe out. Harry turns around, his eyes fall on you and a shiver runs down your spine. He just looked at you and you already want to run away and hide in your room a little longer.

“Morning,” he greets you with a nod before turning back to the sink to finish the dishes.

“Daddy and Uncle Niall are taking me to the park! We are picking Yara up too!” Izzy shares the news with you excitedly.

“Oh, that sounds great!” you smile at her, giving her cheek a gentle pinch before moving to the fridge.

“Do you want to come?” she invites you and your eyes immediately flicker over to Harry who looks at you the exact same time, making your stomach drop right away.

“Um, I have some work to do, maybe some other time,” you smile at Izzy, grabbing yourself a yoghurt and a banana before shutting the fridge closed.

“So how was yesterday?” Niall asks and you freeze. Does he know what happened? Did Harry tell him about last night?

Niall sees your frightened look to which he shoots you a confused one.

“The wedding, Harry told me earlier you had a wedding yesterday.”

“Oh, it went… fine,” you nod shortly, peeking at Harry who is now staring down at his feet awkwardly. This was starting to get painfully ridiculous, the two of you dancing around each other, pretending like you weren’t down each other’s throats just a few hours prior.

“Alright, let’s leave, we need to pick Yara up in twenty,” Harry claps his hands. Izzy jumps off the stool and takes Niall’s hand as they all head out of the house. “We’ll probably have lunch somewhere and then go grocery shopping, so we’ll be away for a while,” he informs you without looking your way before leaving without even waiting for any reaction from you.

Yeah, this was straight up the most awkward conversation you’ve had in a long time.

“Here, Izzy. Play some games on my phone!” Niall passes his phone to her with a sweet smile, but Harry smacks his bicep.

“What are you doing? She has enough screen time already!”

“Yeah, but I needed her to be busy so I can ask you what the fuck was that in the house.”

Harry curls his lips into his mouth, his eyes glued to the road ahead of him as he tries to come up with a good answer, but he knows he could never fool his best friend.

“Don’t stop, even if she is busy with the phone,” Harry scolds him, glancing at Izzy through the mirror, but she doesn’t seem to be listening to them. Niall rolls his eyes, but lets his words uncommented. “Besides, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “Oh, you exactly know it. You and Y/N were like scared little bunnies around each other. She looked like she was about to faint any moment when you looked at her.”

“Maybe she was just tired,” he shrugs, but Niall laughs at his weak attempt to fool him.

“Now tell me the real reason, I know something happened.”

Harry chews on his bottom lip, debating whether he should come clean or not, but he knows Niall won’t leave him until he finally tells him so he is not left with many choices.

“We kissed.”

“What?!” Niall snaps, a little louder than Harry expected, his voice makes him flinch. “Sorry, that was a little too dramatic, but what the fuck? Why were you keeping this from me?!”

“Because I knew this is how you’d react,” Harry mumbles under his breath. “And… I don’t think it will ever happen again.”

“What do you mean?”

“The whole thing was a mess,” Harry sighs. “She came home late, pretty upset because she met with her ex at the wedding.”

“The one that cheated on her?”

“Mhm. The dude was an asshole and… she was crying in the kitchen when I came down. We sat on the couch, talked, I tried to calm her down and all that and then… she kissed me.”

“Wait, she kissed you? Wow, she’s got balls!” Niall laughs.

“Yeah, but it was, like, really short and she pulled back, shocked at herself for doing it. I think it was just all the emotions that got her a little confused. But then she tried to apologize and… and I kissed her.”

“What?! Oh my God!” Niall’s mind is blown and he doesn’t even tries to hide his excitement hearing the news about last night. “Was there tongue?”

“Jesus, Niall!” Harry scowls. “I’m not sharing the details with you.”

“Okay, but was it like a solid, short kiss or you guys went right at it?”

Harry doesn’t answer, but it tells enough about the situation and Niall can’t help but whistle as he claps his hands.

“Stop acting like a horny teenager, Niall,” Harry growls rolling his eyes at his friend.

“So you guys snogged, what’s the matter with that?”

“It got awkward. We just pulled back and I think we both were pretty shocked about it and… she just stood up and said that she is going to bed. End of story. And then you were there in the morning, so… yeah.”

“Tell me why the hell we are heading to a playdate then when you should be talking to her?” Niall asks, arching an eyebrow at Harry.

“There’s not much to talk about. It just happened in the heat of the moment, that’s all,” Harry shrugs, but deep down he knows it’s a blatant lie. At least on his side.

Unlike you, who fell asleep right away, Harry spent about an hour lying in his bed wide awake, not able to think about anything else but your lips on his. He replayed the whole thing in his head about a million times, he was starting to feel ashamed of it, but he just couldn’t stop.

Your abrupt leaving left him puzzled and he thought long and hard about why you felt the need to run away. The only thing that made sense to him is that you regretted it the moment it happened, that it really did just happen in the heat of the moment so Harry thought it’s best to act like it didn’t even happen.

“Please don’t be an ass and just… talk to her. We both know we can never know for sure what a woman thinks about. You can’t just assume and think that your assumption is one hundred percent right.”

“I find it funny that you’re such an expert in this stuff, but you haven’t had a stable relationship since like, we finished college,” Harry scoffs as he takes the corner and starts driving down the street to Yara’s moms’ house.

“Me not having a relationship doesn’t mean that I’m not good at them. It’s a choice,” Niall smirks.

“Yeah, whatever.”

“But back to the topic, you wanted to kiss her, right?”

“I mean, yeah? It kinda threw me off as well, but it was… nice.”

“Please don’t refer to a kiss as nice again,” Niall gags, but Harry just chuckles at him. “A kiss is hot, passionate, pant tighteni—“

“Okay, that’s enough!” Harry cuts him, earning a cackle from him.

“Just talk to her, don’t be a pussy.”

“I really do need better friends,” Harry mumbles under his breath as he pulls up to the driveway.

You really didn’t feel like staying home alone in that big ass house so you invited yourself over for an early dinner to your mom’s. You haven’t been over since the little fiasco with Trevor so you thought it might be a good idea to spend some time with them. Trevor said they’ve been trying to keep the fighting down to the minimum and not let it turn into a screaming match, so your speech worked after all.

It’s past three o’clock when you leave, no sign of Harry or Izzy and you feel like they won’t be back for a while either, so you lock everything up and head out.

You have a genuinely good time. It’s obvious that your mom feels guilty about her past behavior and is trying to lure you into forgiving her, though you already did that. But you’re happy your little speech worked. At least Trevor can have his peace now.

After dinner your mom disappears in her room and then returns with a nicely wrapped box and you sigh, rolling your eyes.

“Mom, I told you I don’t need gifts.” You give her a look. Your birthday is coming up next week, but you were never the kind to celebrate. You never felt comfortable with all the attention and fuss birthdays come with, so you’ve always liked to keep it down. These past years you didn’t even ask for anything, though your parents never listened and this year doesn’t seem like an exception either.

“Oh hush. You can’t expect me not to celebrate my baby!” she shakes her head, sitting back to the dining table. “And besides, I didn’t pay a dollar for it,” she then adds and now you’re curious what she got you.

Removing the lid of the box you peek inside and your lips immediately part as you see the stack of polaroids inside.

“I know how much you like old photos and when we sold Grandma’s house back in August, I found these in my old room. I got a polaroid camera for graduation, just in time to take tons of pictures of you,” she explains with a soft chuckle as you start going through the pictures from when you were born and the next few years. Whenever you are done looking at a photo you hand it to Trevor so he can take a look at them too.

“Are you sure you don’t want to keep these, mom?” you ask glancing up at her over the stack.

“I took out a few for myself,” she admits with a sneaky smile. “You can have the rest, I know how much you love these stuff.”

“Thank you, mom,” you smile at her, hugging her from the side, feeling touched by this gift.

It’s nearing eight when you arrive back home, the lights are still up and if you had to guess you’d say that Harry is trying to tire Izzy out enough to put to bed, as usual. Walking in, your guess is proven right, the TV is on in the living room while Harry is sitting on the couch, Izzy all over him in her pink pajamas, playing around with his hair like she always does.

“Hi Y/N!” she calls out happily when she spots you.

“Hi Sunshine, did you have a good time today?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I did! And guess what!”

“What?”

“Yara invited me over for a sleepover!” she beams, clearly ecstatic about the invitation.

“That’s amazing!”

“What’s that?” she curiously asks pointing at the gift box in your hands. Harry turns to see you, his eyes falling on the box as well.

“Oh, it’s a gift I got from my mom,” you explain, stepping closer.

“Is it your birthday?” she questions, knitting her eyebrows together.

“No, not yet. But it will be next week,” you admit with a soft chuckle.

“Really? Are you having a birthday party?” she gasps, getting way too excited already. Harry eyes you without a word, holding Izzy by her hips so she is not losing her balance standing on the cushion of the couch.

“I’m not, sorry. I don’t like having birthday parties,” you pout at her apologetically.

“Oh, okay. Can I see what you got from your mom?”

“Izzy, don’t be nosy,” Harry warns her, but you just smile at the curious girl.

“Sure,” you nod, joining them on the couch. You sit on the opposite end than where Harry is, Izzy in the middle as she watches the box in awe. You set it down to the cushion and take the lid off, revealing the stack of photos.

“What are these?”

“They are called polaroids. They are old pictures, taken with a special camera that kind of prints the picture out right away,” you explain to her as she takes the first photo from the top, a picture of your mom holding you as a newborn. She was so young, practically a child herself, yet her pride was undeniable, it shone all over her face.  You spot Harry looking at the picture as well over Izzy’s shoulder, still keeping his silence.

“Who are these people?”

“That’s my mom and that’s me as a baby. And… this is my dad,” you hold up another photo that features your dad.

“They really were young when they had you,” Harry speaks up for the first time, surprised by the photos.

“Yeah, they were.”

“What are you going to do with them?” Izzy questions, dropping the photo back into the box as she leans back to lie on Harry’s chest.

“Not sure yet. I might make an album from them,” you shrug. “I really like polaroids, I love that they are one of a kind.”

Izzy nods, though you’re not sure she understood what you meant by that. Fidgeting with her fingers she pushes down a yawn and Harry takes that as a good sign.

“Alright, time for bed, Love. Say good night to Y/N.” He picks her up as he stands from the couch. Izzy waves at you smiling with tired eyes.

“Night-night, Y/N,” she singsongs as Harry carries her towards the stairs.

Putting the pictures back into the box you head into your bedroom too, feeling like the time when you and Harry talk about what happened yesterday will never come. It’s pretty clear that he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, so you’ll just let it slip. It happened just in the heat of the moment, didn’t mean a thing, you better forget about it.

After a speedy shower you are getting ready to just go to bed, read some and have a relaxing evening, something you didn’t have the luck to have the day before. But right as you’re about to make yourself comfortable in bed, there’s a knock on your door.

“Hey,” you breathe out as you open it and find Harry standing in the hallway.

“I hope you weren’t sleeping already.”

“No. Come on in,” you invite him inside and he walks in. As he awkwardly stops in the middle of the room you realize he hasn’t even been in here since you’ve moved in. He takes a look around, examining what you’ve done with the room and you feel thankful you decided to put your laundry away just yesterday, so no dirty underwear is littering the floor anywhere.

“How can I help you?” you ask with a soft smile.

“I, erm… I just wanted to clear some things,” he starts, clearly feeling nervous about the conversation and that makes the two of you for sure. Nodding you let him know that you’re waiting for him to carry on. “What happened yesterday…” he starts and your breath gets caught in your throat. “You were very emotional, a lot happened and it was a very confusing moment probably for the both of us. I really like working with you, I’m very happy with the way you’ve been taking care of Izzy and I would hate to ruin it with anything.”

You can feel your stomach dropping even though you were bracing yourself for this version of the situation. It was very likely that Harry would want to keep things professional, like before, but it still makes you feel like shit.

“I’m sorry for stepping over some boundaries, but I really hope that… we can put it behind us and that we can move on.”

He is using his business tone. It’s the same tone he used with Sarah and his assistants and now he is using it to talk about the kiss that happened between the two of you.

“Sure,” you answer quietly nodding. “Moving on sounds… great,” you nod, forcing a smile to your face, but it couldn’t be more fake.

Harry nods as he runs his tongue over his lips, looking around a little awkwardly now that it’s been discussed.

“Alright, then… good night, Y/N,” he nods in your way before heading towards the door.

“Good night, Harry,” you mumble after him as he walks out and closes the door behind him.

As soon as you are on your own, you let out a shaky breath, falling to your bed, lips trembling as you try to even make out what you’re feeling. Because part of you is glad he didn’t make a fuss about it and you didn’t lose your job, that’s great news. But another part, which is vehemently bigger than the first one is upset and sad and… disappointed?

You were hoping it meant something for him, you wanted him to want it, to feel the same craving for you as you feel towards him, because you haven’t really stopped thinking about what his lips felt like against yours, what it was like when his fingers dug into your thigh, how it sent a shiver down your spine when his tongue met yours.

But this conversation just made it awfully clear that he wants nothing to do with you. And it hurts probably more than it should.

 Harry doesn’t get too far from your door when he feels the all too familiar pain in his chest he has been forced to live with these past over three years. It’s like something is gripping his heart and lungs in his chest so tight, even breathing is a hard task.

Rushing into his bedroom he closes the door behind him and slides down to the floor as the tears flood from his eyes. The past twenty-four hours have been rough on him, the guilt has been growing immensely since he let himself slip and give in for his desires and eventually kiss you.

It’s not that he didn’t want it. Because he’d be lying if he said it meant nothing to him and that he hasn’t been craving it these past weeks.

But his guilt, this evil little voice in the back of his head wouldn’t let him enjoy it even the slightest.

How dare you kiss another woman after your wife? Are you insane? You don’t deserve to feel this way with anyone else. Not when you were the reason your wife ended up dead!

Heartbreaking sobs escape from his chest as he pushes himself up from the floor and heads into the bathroom. He strips out of his clothes leaving them all in a pile on the marble tiled floor before he steps into the shower and lets the hot water pour down on him, almost burning his skin, but he doesn’t change the temperature, as if he was trying to punish himself. His salty tears mix with the water as he stands still, chest heaving as his vivid memories from that night come crashing down on him all at once.

“Are you giving me the silent treatment now? Really?” Harry sighed at his wife when she failed to answer his question about the whereabouts of his sweatpants. Maggie sat on the bed with the recent maternity book she’d been reading these past days, not even paying her husband a look at his question.

“Mags, for fuck’s sake, I’m not in the mood to play this game right now,” Harry sighed in defeat. Maggie looked up at him, closed the book slowly and put it aside to the bedside table.

“So the question of expanding our family is just a game to you?” she asked calmly, but her anger and disappointment in her husband was soaking through her tone.

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”

“No, you are not talking about anything, because you refuse to have a fucking conversation with me!” she retorted, letting all her bottled up anger out that’d been boiling inside her.

“I already told you that I can’t think about having another baby right now. Izzy is only six, I’m in the middle of a huge project, I don’t have the capacity to think about having another baby, Maggie. I thought I made it clear, why are you still onto me then?”

“Because it’s not something we can put aside for too long! I don’t want to have another baby when I’m in my mid-thirties, but if we go with your plan, we won’t even have another one!” Maggie jumped to her feet, pacing the floor back and forth next to their bed as Harry stood with his hands on his hips, getting irritated that they were fighting over the same thing again.

“I never said we can’t have another baby, but why can’t we wait a little? When Izzy is older and more independent? Do you have any idea how hard it is to take care of a baby and a toddler? It’s a fucking nightmare!” Harry growled rolling his eyes.

“So our family is just a pain in the ass for you?” Maggie questioned, folding her arms on her chest and she was really getting on Harry’s nerves, twisting his words completely.

“That’s not what I said!” he snapped. “All I’m asking for is you to be a little patient and give me some time!”

“I don’t have time, Harry! I want it as soon as possible!”

“Why are you so fucking difficult?” Harry groaned, running his hands through his hair. “Why can’t you wait just… one year at least? Is that too much to ask?”

“And is it too much to ask to focus on your family? We are supposed to come first!” she turned it back around and Harry was not having the dirty games she was playing, putting all the blame on him when she could have been a little more understanding as well. He was feeling like his opinion was put aside and didn’t matter at all.

“You do come first, you don’t have the right to question that.” Harry pointed at Maggie, his blood practically boiling at this point.

“Then why do I feel like work is always more important to you?”

“What are you talking about? You know I’m home as much as I can, but we still need the fucking money, Maggie! Or how do you plan on paying the bills of this fucking mansion?!”

“I don’t need a mansion! I just need my family and that’s all!” she argued, but Harry rolled his eyes at her.

“Well you seem to enjoy this mansion a lot when you sit by the pool and watch movies in the fucking movie theater in your own home!” he snapped back feistily. “Stop acting like I don’t do shit for our family when I work my ass off to provide the best possible life. And all I’m asking for in return is some fucking time before we bring another baby into the picture!”

“You are so fucking unbelievable,” Maggie shook her head as she marched past him, walking away from the fight that just grinded his gears even more.

Just as Harry was about to go after her, he heard the faint crying through the baby monitor. Groaning he headed into Izzy’s room and as he took her out of her crib, he heard the front door open and shut.

“Aw, baby, I’m sorry, did we wake you up?” he cooed, hugging the crying little girl to his chest who clung onto him immediately. Even at such a young age, Izzy was already a daddy’s little girl.

Soon her cries died down to just little hiccups as Harry soothed her, patting her bum and back gently as he moved around the room. Holding Izzy in one arm he grabbed his phone with his free hand and typed a message to his wife.

Harry: Where did you go?!

Maggie: I’m going over to my sister’s. Don’t wait up, might get home late.

Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes. She called him out for running away from the conversation, but when they were finally talking about it she just decided to disappear when it didn’t head in the direction she wanted, seeking comfort at her sister, as always.

He managed to lull Izzy back to sleep, putting her back to her crib before going back to the bedroom. As time passed by and he calmed down more and more he wished Maggie was home so they could talk about it without jumping at each other’s throat. There had to be a compromising way to solve the situation that would be fine for the both of them.

Harry: Please come home and let’s talk about it.

Maggie: So you can bite my head off again?!

Harry: Mags, please. You have to understand my point of view too!

Maggie: I understand it, but I don’t agree with it. And you don’t seem to understand mine…

Harry: I do, but there are more things to consider. Please come home, I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone!

Maggie: Okay, I’m heading home now.

Harry put his phone down to the nightstand with a long sigh, already tired from everything that happened that day and he knew this conversation would be a hard one too, but they needed to be on the same page when it came to their family.

It was late getting late and Harry grew a little more restless with each passing moment. Paisley, Maggie’s sister lived about thirty minutes away from them and it’d been forty minutes since she sent her last text. At first he figured she maybe stayed and talked for a little longer with Paisley, or stopped for some fast food which he knew she liked so much whenever she was upset, but when an entire hour passed by he was getting worried.

He kept sending her texts that didn’t even get delivered and when he tried to call it went straight to her voicemail. Harry was losing his shit so he decided to call Paisley to see if she knew anything about her.

“She hasn’t arrived home yet?” she asked, clearly surprised.

“No, and she is not answering my calls and texts. When did she leave from yours?”

“A long time ago. Almost right away when you texted her to go home.”

“Fuck,” Harry breathed out, anxiously pacing the floor as he held the phone to his ear. “Okay, can you please call your parents in case she went there for whatever reason? I’ll try her friends.”

“Yeah, sure. Let me know if you got a hold of her,” Paisley told him before they ended the call.

Harry was scrolling through his contacts, trying to decide who Maggie would go to first in this situation and just as he was about to call the first person, his phone started ringing with an unknown number.

“Hello?” he answered the call unsurely, his heart beating fast in his chest as he stood in the middle of the room.

“Mr. Harry Styles?” a male voice asked on the other end.

“Yes, it’s me. Who am I speaking to?”

“I’m Officer Field speaking. You were listed as the emergency contact for your wife, Margaret Linn Styles.”

Blood rushed out of Harry’s face faster than he could even process what was happening. He stood completely frozen, his hands were getting clammy as he started sweating as if he just ran the marathon.

“What happened?” he asked weakly, barely even finding his own voice.

“Mr. Styles, I have bad news…”

Harry makes his way down to the entertainment room, walking like a zombie, only thinking about the bottle of vodka that sits in the minibar down there. Following his skin burning shower he tried to go to bed, but his head was starting to spin from everything that’s been swirling in his mind and he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop it if he didn’t numb himself somehow. Unfortunately, his only way of doing it has been drinking, nothing seemed to help him the way alcohol did and though he knew he should never solve any of his problems with drinking, he still couldn’t help himself sometimes. When the pain was growing immensely, taking over his whole body, he chose the easiest way to get rid of the guilt or at least stop himself from… feeling.

Grabbing the bottle from the mini fridge he snatches himself a glass as well, not drinking straight from the bottle at least, and plopping himself down to the couch he pours a generous glass, drinking it without any chaser.

He winces as the alcohol burns down his throat, but at least it’s a different kind of pain, that takes the focus away from the one he is feeling in his chest.

One glass chases the other and since he is not particularly used to the heavy drinking, he is more like the ‘let’s nurse this pint for an hour’ type of guy, the raw vodka kicks in pretty quickly.

 But he is not the only one who can’t fall asleep tonight.

You tried everything in your power to end your misery and finally fall asleep, but your mind and body was plotting against you and made you toss and turn until you couldn’t take it any longer. Making a good cup of tea seemed like a good idea, so you headed down the kitchen.

As you round the corner after the stairs and you’re about to walk into the kitchen, you notice how the lights are on down in the entertainment room. You stop in your tracks and try to think back if anyone was there before you went upstairs, but you don’t think it was the case.

You figure since there are only two adults living in the house, it must be Harry down there and right now, facing him doesn’t sound like a good idea, so you decide to leave him be, but that’s when you hear the voice of some kind of glass breaking, followed by a heavy accented cursing and it changes your mind right away.

“Harry?” you softly call out as you walk down the stairs, not sure what to expect down there. He is crouching down, his back in your direction as he is trying to get the pieces of the broken glass up from the floor, but he is too disoriented to succeed in the task and it’s obvious that an injury is deemed to happen sooner or later.

“Harry, you’re gonna cut yourself!” you warn him, and walking over to him you pull him up from his squatting position and when he looks at you is when you realize that he is drunk out of his mind.

“Y/N, oh shit, did I—Did I wake you up?” he slurs, knitting his eyebrows together as he tries to focus his vision on you.

“You didn’t, but let me just—Why don’t you sit down for a moment while I clean this up, huh?” you suggest, pulling him towards the couch, making him sit. He falls to the cushion like dead weight, letting out a tired sigh while you rush to get a broom and a dustpan to get rid of the broken glass on the floor as fast as possible before someone cuts themselves.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he breathes out closing his eyes.

“It’s okay. I’ll just clean it up quickly,” you assure him, getting down to business.

“Not about the g-glass. Well, about that as well…”

“Then why are you sorry?” you ask, as you sweep the shards onto the dustpan and throw them into the closest trashcan.

“About being… a pain in the ass,” he hiccups.

“You are not a pain in the ass,” you chuckle softly as you sit beside him.

“I am. I fucked things up,” he nods with a painful expression all over his handsome face.

“What do you mean?” You know you shouldn’t make him talk in this state, but you can’t help your curiosity. It seems like drunkenness makes his tongue run wild and you are desperate for the tiniest crumble of information about what’s going on in his head.

“I just… I kissed you,” he breathes out, his eyes popping open, but he is staring at the ceiling, not you.

“And?” you ask, trying to act cool, though your pulse is rapidly increasing.

“And I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh.” You lick your lips and try not to show how much that hurt. But even drunk, Harry notices the disappointment in your tone. His glassy eyes snap over to you and his face falls right away.

“That’s not how I mean it!” he gasps, reaching for your hand and you’re surprised by the sudden physical touch, but it feels kind of nice, so you let him hold your hand between his arm palms. “It’s not like I didn’t enjoy it, because fucking hell, it was amazing!” he bluntly tells you and you can already feel the heat crawling up your neck.

“Really?”

“Yes!”

“Then why did you tell me all of that in my room just earlier now?”

Harry pulls his hands back and moves his arms across his face, covering his eyes as he slides down the couch, his legs spreading out in front of him. He lets out a shaky whimper and seeing him like this worries you a lot. Harry is always in control, he has never let him fall apart like this before.

“Because… I don’t deserve to feel this way,” he confesses, confusing you even more. What is he talking about?

“Why wouldn’t you?”

He shakes his head under his arms, biting into his bottom lip as he inhales deeply, like he is trying to keep something inside, something you shouldn’t know about, but now you are desperate to find it out.

“I’m a fucking mess,” he breathes out, letting his arms fall to his sides, but he keeps his eyes closed, shutting you out in a way. “I don’t deserve to have these feelings,” he repeats again and it appears he is more likely talking to himself, rather than to you.

“Harry, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t tell you. I can’t tell you, because if I did, you’d never be able to look at me again.”

Now he is crying. Tears are rolling down his cheeks and his lips are trembling and you’ve never seen him in such a vulnerable state and quite frankly, it scares you. You knew him to be a strong and stable man, but now he resembles a frightened little boy, so lost in this big world.

“I’m pretty sure it’s not that bad, Harry.”

“It is,” he winces, as if it’s causing him physical pain to even talk about it.

“Harry…” You breathe out and moving closer you place a hand on his knee, giving it a gentle, reassuring squeeze. He turns to face you, his eyes all watered and glistening, he looks so heartbroken, it almost pains you as well.

“Promise me you won’t see me as a monster,” he whispers.

“I-I promise,” you nod, already bearing yourself for the worst, judging from the look on his face.

Taking a deep breath he looks around, as if he is making sure no one else is listening. Then his eyes fall down to his hands in his lap, he fidgets with his fingers, his tongue running along his pink lips before he takes a deep breath and speaks up again.

“Maggie’s death… It was all my fault. I fucking… killed my own wife.”

His voice dies down at the end of the sentence, staring into the void, completely zoned out as you sit beside him, shocked at his words. This was not exactly what you were expecting him to say. Harry starts sobbing again, the hot tears running down his cheeks as he starts crying and panic sets in you. He is so out of his own world, you have no idea what’s happening to him. Rushing over to the mini fridge, you grab a water for him, thinking it might help him at least after all the alcohol he has consumed.

“Here, drink some water,” you softly tell him, taking the cap off as you hand him the bottle. He takes it with a shaky hand and raising it to his trembling lips he takes a few small sips. “Harry, what do you mean it was your fault?” you ask, knowing well you probably shouldn’t push it, but you can’t just ignore what he said.

“Exactly what I said,” he sobs shaking his head vigorously. “It was all my fault, I was a fucking coward and that’s why she died! I could have stopped her! I should have gone after her!”

He is not answering you, not entirely. He is speaking thoughts that have been planted in his head a long time ago and they seem to be on repeat whenever he is feeling down. As much as you want to get more details out of him, he needs to rest, especially because he is working in the morning.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed, H,” you tell him as you stand up and reach out for him to help him to his unsteady feet. It turns out to be a little harder than you expected, but you manage to get him up from his sitting position, and throwing one of his arms over your shoulders you start to walk him up towards his bedroom.

“You fucking hate me now, don’t you?” he slurs, his other hand reaching out towards the wall to steady himself a little more.

“I don’t hate you, Harry.”

“But you think I’m a monster, right?”

“I’m not sure I know enough to think anything about you. This is a conversation we should have when you’re sober,” you suggest and he huffs.

“M’sorry for getting drunk in the middle of the night.”

“It’s alright. But I think you’ll have a mean headache in the morning,” you tease him as you finally reach the upstairs and head down the hallway towards his room.

“You’re a fucking angel, Y/N. You know that?” He just keeps talking and talking and you find it funny how different he is from his reserved and quiet self in this state.

“Am I?”

“Yeah. You are. You are so good to my daughter and to me as well… I really don’t get why your fucker ex cheated on you,” he huffs and you can’t help the smile that tugs on your lips. “What was his name? Kyle?”

“Keith,” you correct him.

“That fucker, Keith!” he spats making you laugh as you push his bedroom’s door open and walk him inside finally. “I bet he had a small dick.”

“Why does that matter,” you chuckle, making him sit on the edge of the bed.

“Because guys with small dicks are always out of touch with themselves. They think they are just better than everyone for some reason.”

“Do you have any scientific research to prove that?” you tease him as you push him down, tugging him under the covers, like a little kid.

“No, I just… know shit,” he sighs, his eyes falling closed the moment his head rests on the pillow.

“Alright. You can tell me more about what else you know when you’re sober. Now get some sleep, because you have work in the morning.”

You make sure he lies on his side as he hums his response. Reaching down you brush his messy curls out of his forehead as he breathes out harshly through his nose, probably about to fall asleep any moment.

Tapping on the screen of his phone on the nightstand you make sure that he has set up his alarm and you see the little alarm clock icon at the top bar so you are just about to walk out when you turn back around.

Seeing how he pushed so many things down inside of him, you’re not convinced he’ll be willing to give you the answers you are looking for. You’re afraid he might talk himself out and give you some kind of bullshit answer, so reaching for his phone you sneakily take his thumb and open the device, all whilst he doesn’t even move an inch.

Scrolling through his contacts you find Niall’s number and send it over to yourself before deleting the message so you leave no trail behind. You set the phone back to his nightstand and head out finally, going to bed as well, right after sending Niall a quick message.

Y/N: Hi! It’s Y/N, I got your number from Harry’s phone. Can you come by sometime tomorrow? I need to talk to you about something.

When you come down in the morning it’s pretty obvious that even though Harry had his alarm on, he snoozed one too many times and now he is in a rush, trying to get everything done and leave on time.

“Good morning,” you greet him and Izzy upon walking into the kitchen. Harry’s head snaps up from the half-made breakfast in front of him and judging by his expression, he more or less remembers what happened last night. “Rough morning?” you ask teasing him to ease the tension.

“Uh, yeah. Woke up a little late,” he nods, finishing up Izzy’s sandwich just the way she likes, without the crust on before handing it over to her. Izzy grabs the plate and marches over to the dining table, quietly munching on her food while Harry quickly tries to make himself a coffee, but he is a hot mess, still in his night clothes when he is supposed to leave in about ten minutes.

“I’ll make you the coffee, go and get changed,” you offer, taking over the machine.

“Oh, thank you,” he nods and for a change, he doesn’t try to argue with you, he just disappears upstairs.

You make his coffee just as he likes and leave it on the counter for him before joining Izzy at the table with your own breakfast. She is babbling about how excited she is for her piano lesson today, because she’s been practicing a lot lately. When Harry appears again he is dressed for work, but still looks a little disoriented.

“Hey,” you softly say as you join him in the kitchen.

“Hey, thank you for the coffee,” he nods, moving around the kitchen.

“No problem. How are you feeling?” you ask, hoping you’re not crossing any boundaries. Harry opens his mouth to answer, but then closes, probably not sure how much he should share, though he didn’t have too much problem with that last night.

“I’m… A little hangover, but I’m… fine,” he nods shortly. “Y/N, about last night, I—“

“We can talk about it later, okay? Don’t stress about it.” You give him a reassuring smile and you can tell he is sort of relieved he doesn’t have to have this conversation right in this moment.

“Thank you.”

“No worries. And I’ll clean up in the kitchen, don’t be late,” you smile at him warmly. You can tell he wants to protest, but he also knows he is running late so he doesn’t have much choice.

“Thank you, I’ll… see you later.”

Storming over to Izzy he presses a kiss to her forehead before grabbing all his stuff and leaving.

Niall texts you back not long after breakfast that he is free to drop by when Izzy is having her piano lesson. You carry on with the morning as usual, trying your best not to dwell on everything that happened last night.

Just as Rosaline and Izzy get settled for the lesson you hear a car pulling up outside and a few moments later the doorbell rings through the house.

“Let’s get one thing straight, is it a booty call?” Niall questions right away as you let him inside.

“It’s good to see you again,” you chuckle, shaking your head at him.

“So no sex is gonna be involved?” he smirks and you know he is just teasing you.

“No, sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, you can never disappoint me, darling,” he winks at you before walking into the kitchen to serve himself a drink. “So why did you need to see me so desperately?”

“Well, I know I shouldn’t be discussing this with you first, but I feel like I need to know some basic information that Harry might not give me so I thought you could help me out.” Niall nods as he pours himself some soda and joins you at the kitchen island, sitting on the stool next to you. “I uhh—I need to ask how much Harry shared with you about… about me—and, um what—“

“Save the stuttering, I know you two kissed,” Niall cuts you off and you breathe out in relief that you don’t have to be the one breaking him the news.

“Oh, okay,” you nod with an awkward smile. “Yeah, so that happened. And last night he and I had this conversation how we should just keep our relationship professional and all that. We both went our own way but then later I found Harry down in the entertainment room, drunk and basically having a meltdown of some sort.”

“How drunk was he?” Niall asks, knitting his eyebrows together.

“Pretty drunk. He broke a glass and he was… crying and talking about a lot of stuff.” Niall takes your words in as he inhales deeply, just nodding for you to continue. “He started telling me how sorry he was for fucking things up and he was a mess, like a huge fucking mess. Then he told me about how he shouldn’t be feeling the way he does, because he doesn’t deserve it…”

“Jesus…” Niall shakes his head, probably already knowing where this is heading.

“And then he told me that his wife’s death was his fault. That was… pretty intense.”

“I can imagine.”

“I know I have to talk to him about it, but I’m really afraid he might shake it off, but it seems like he is having some serious issues and I wouldn’t want things to get out of hands. That’s why I thought I would talk to you, maybe you know what to do or how to approach him with such a sensitive subject.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s nice of you for being so considerate,” Niall nods, scratching his chin. “Alright, I’ll tell you what I know, but please also let him tell you if he decides to share it with you.” You nod and turn all your attention to him. “I didn’t find this out until about two months after Maggie’s death, but apparently, the night she died they had a fight. Maggie had been nagging Harry to have another baby, but he wanted to wait a little longer, until Izzy is older so they don’t have two babies at the same time. Harry said they had another big fight about it, said some pretty nasty things to each other before Maggie just stormed out to go over to her sister’s. She made it there, but… never made it back home.”

A shiver runs down your spine at the thought of how devastating it must have been, losing your partner after an intense fight without ever making up.

“Understandably, Harry completely lost his shit. For weeks he was barely functioning and we all knew he was grieving, but we didn’t know that he was blaming himself for what happened. When he wasn’t getting any better we somehow convinced him to go to therapy which luckily helped him immensely, but he stopped going a while ago. I thought he got things straight in his head about this whole Maggie situation, but I guess he is still hung up on that.”

“What about the drinking, did that happen a lot?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, yeah, he got wasted quite a few times, but only at the beginning. I don’t think you should be afraid that he might turn into an alcoholic. I think he is just really struggling right now because of the conflict he is having because of you.”

“Because of me?”

“Yeah, he is clearly very confused about his feelings for you and he has convinced himself he shouldn’t feel this way towards anyone ever, but then you came,” he chuckles softly giving you a knowing look.

“Niall, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” you breathe out, worry and fear slowly taking over your judgment.

“First and foremost just… be patient with him, okay? This is genuinely the first time he has taken an interest in anyone since Maggie and I think he has already taken some big steps, which is a good sign. Try to talk to him and be open, but don’t push him. I know it can be really annoying when he keeps things, but let him tell you everything at his own pace.”

You nod, understanding the importance of not rushing Harry into anything. Just because you want to get over the awkwardness of the current situation, you can’t push him over his own boundaries.

“Okay, I’ll try to do that,” you nod taking a deep breath. “Thank you, Niall.”

“Oh, and don’t let him give you the ‘you work for me, we shouldn’t be doing this’ bullshit alright? He’ll try to make it out to be some kind of business, but it’s not. He needs to get himself out there and I genuinely think you’re the right person to help him with that.”

His words touch you and you’re not even sure how to react. Niall is clearly someone who stands close to Harry and if he thinks that you and him should give it a try, that must mean something. You can only hope that Harry will come around and think the same at one point.

Izzy gets a little fussy by the end of the day and it takes a lot of persuading to get her to bed in the evening. Harry arrived back home on his usual time and because it’s been such a hot day outside, he took her out to the pool. The problem with that is that Izzy never wants to get out of the water, so when Harry said it’s time for dinner she threw a bit of a tantrum as Harry brought her inside and her mood didn’t get any better later either.

You spent most of your night in the living room just watching TV and working on your laptop, updating your schedule for the upcoming weeks and doing some editing. Harry stays upstairs with Izzy for a long time when her bedtime comes and you figure she is still a little moody, but then you eventually hear his footsteps approaching. Harry pads his way into the living room and joins you on the couch. When you glance over at him you know he is trying to find a way to start the conversation you both know you need to have, so you put your laptop aside and turn your attention towards him.

“Y/N, I’m really sorry about last night. I’m honestly so terribly ashamed you had to… see me like that,” he starts, clearly nervous to bring it all up.

“It’s fine, happens to everyone,” you assure him and it’s the genuine truth.

“It’s not a regular occurrence, really. I usually know my limits and try to stay within them. I’m really sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

“Harry, don’t worry about it,” you tell him again with a warm smile. “We can get past it. I think what we really should talk about is… what you said. Do you remember what we talked about?” you carefully ask.

“I do…” he nods, awkward diverting his eyes away from you. “I’m sorry I told you all that in that state, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to just pour it all on you so suddenly.”

“It’s alright.” “No, it’s not,” he protests shaking his head. “I dropped a bomb on you because I couldn’t deal with my own problems the right way, and it’s not okay. So please, just… accept my apology.”

“Okay, I accept it,” you nod.

“And about the whole thing with… What I told you about Maggie…”

“Just know that you don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to. I’m happy to listen whenever you are ready to, but I’m not trying to push you.”

“I know and thank you for that, but I feel like… I owe you an explanation,” he admits and you nod, happy that he is willing to talk instead of closing himself off entirely. “The day Maggie died, we got into this huge fight and she ran off to her sister. It was… a whole mess, we both said things we clearly didn’t mean and I texted her, tried to get her to come home so we could talk things out. That’s when… she was on her way home when it happened and… I still feel like it was my fault.” His voice dies down at the end, just like it did last night when he was talking about her. It clearly left a deep scar on him that’s still not entirely healed and you can’t blame him.

“Everyone keeps telling me that it wasn’t, that it was just all one big coincidence, but all I can think about is that she would still be here if we didn’t get into the fight and I didn’t piss her off so much she felt the need to leave.”

“There was no way for you to see what would happen, Harry. It’s not like you did it on purpose, you had no power over the drunk driver or where Maggie chose to drive home. It really was a coincidence.”

“I know, I mean… I understand, but somehow, my mind keeps telling me that it was my fault.”

“Have you thought about… getting professional help?” you ask, trying to be polite and cautious on the topic.

“Actually, I just called my therapist today to see if… she can fit me in for some sessions,” he admits and you’re surprised at how great he is dealing with the matter. “I feel like I might need some guidance again, before things get out of my hands.”

“That’s great! It really is good to go a bit ahead of problems.”

“Yeah. About us…” he exhales nervously, his eyes meeting yours and you can tell this is the part that’s got him the most anxious. You take this as your queue to take over the conversation.

“Harry, I’m going to be honest with you,” you start and he nods, chewing on his bottom lip. “I… I have feelings for you. You haven’t been the only one making realizations,” you add with a soft chuckle, that brings a smile to his lips as well. “I know that the situation is not quite ideal, but it’s not impossible. But I just want you to be honest with me, do you have feelings for me?”

The conflict is clearer than daylight in his eyes as he is trying to figure out what to say and you really hope he isn’t gonna try to mask his feelings.

“I do,” he then admits and it’s like a giant rock has been lifted off your chest and shoulders. “It’s just… I’m not sure how to deal with it.”

“That’s alright,” you tell him. “Let’s just… take it slow. We’re not in a rush, we obviously have a lot to figure out and that’s completely fine. The pace is completely up to you, I know that you need to get a lot of things straight in your head and I can wait, okay? I’m not going anywhere, I really like where we are now and… I just hope that we can move this forward whenever you feel comfortable with it.”

Harry stares back at you for a moment like you’re some alien creature. Like what you just said wasn’t normal or even human and that’s quite heartbreaking, because somewhere along the way he managed to convince himself that he is not worthy of the most basic decency.

“I-I can’t ask you to wait around while I figure my shit out, that’s not—“

“You’re not asking me, Harry,” you smile at him softly. “This is my decision.”

His eyes are shifting between yours and he is most likely looking for any sign of doubt or qualm, but there’s none, you genuinely meant everything you said.

“So, where does this leave us?” he then asks and you shrug your shoulders.

“Everything goes on like it used to and… whenever you are ready to take a step, just… let me know.”

You can tell he is filled with questions, but he just nods with a weak smile and leaves it at that. This will be a bumpy ride, but at least you are more or less on the same page now.

You haven’t been a big fan of birthday celebrations. You just never understood the big fuss about it, throwing a party for surviving another year? Seems a little weird. This is why you never treated this day any different.

The morning starts off as usual, only that you wake up to a few texts from friends and family, wishing you a happy birthday. Your mom has sent you a whole damn paragraph about how you made her life complete and it wouldn’t be the same without you in it. She does that every time, gets a little too sentimental about it, but you guess it’s because it reminds her of getting old herself as well, which is a sensitive topic in her book these days.

It’s a Sunday, so a day off for you. Coming downstairs you find Izzy and Harry sitting at the dining table, already having their breakfast as usual, but when she sees you, she jumps in her seat in excitement.

“Good morning, Y/N!” she beams with a wide smile, buzzing more than she usually does.

“Morning, Sunshine. Slept well?” you ask as you pour yourself some cereal and join them at the table. Izzy nods and then peeks at her father as if she is trying to hide something with him from you.

“Daddy, can we do it now?” she asks in a whisper, but it’s not quiet enough for you to not hear it.

Your eyes lock with Harry’s over the table and the butterflies in your stomach start dancing around right away when you see the tiny smirk tugging on his lips.

It’s been almost an entire week since your conversation with him and things finally seem to get in place for now. Harry had his first session with his therapist on Wednesday and though you can tell he is still trying to find his own boundaries, he doesn’t worry as much about the situation as he probably did before. He isn’t walking on eggshells around you, unsure how to act. More or less it’s the same as it was before the kiss, but there are tiny little things that still make it different. Stolen glances, lingering touches and sweet smiles are making your days more colorful now and it’s gotten you all giddy and… happy.

“What are you two plotting, huh?” you ask, pointing at them with your spoon before digging into the cereal. Izzy glances at Harry one last time and when he nods shortly, she turns to you and throws her arms in the air.

“Happy birthday, Y/N!” she cheers as Harry reaches over to the chair next to him and pulls up a box from under the table, handing it over to Izzy so she could give it to you. “This is for you!”

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything!” you gasp, truly surprised by the gift. You were not expecting it at all.

“It’s not a birthday without gifts!” she giggles excitedly as she hands the box over. You push your cereal bowl to the side and set the gift to the table in front of you. “Open it!” she urges you, her little hands curled into fists as she watches your every move, as if it was her who just got a present.

Your eyes meet Harry’s green ones over the table once more and he is watching you with a small smile, probably enjoying that he could surprise you.

You pull on the bow on the top and then carefully take the wrapping paper off until the box is revealed underneath and you gas as soon as you realize what this is.

“Oh my God!” you breathe out in disbelief as you take a better look at the gift. Harry didn’t just get you something, he actually listened to what you were saying and remembered that you’re a big fan of oldschool cameras and you have a special love for polaroids. And now, in front of you in the box is your very own polaroid camera, something you’ve been really wanting to buy for yourself for a long time, but you just never got around to actually do it.

“Do you like it? Daddy said you’d really like it!” Izzy asks with big eyes, watching your reaction.

“Oh, I love it!” you breathe out, feeling all mushy and melted from the gesture. Izzy climbs over to your lap, hugging your neck. You wrap your arms around her in a bone crushing hug and you’re so thankful for having them both in your life.

Izzy sits on your lap as you get the camera out of the box and figure out how to work it. She then hops off your lap and poses for the first ever picture taken with your new favorite camera.

“But it’s blank!” she furrows her eyebrows when the photo comes out.

“Because you have to wait for it to develop. It’ll show up in a few minutes,” you smile, setting the photo down on the table.

Izzy sits in her seat, excitedly waiting for the photo to develop and in the meanwhile you join Harry in the kitchen where he is washing the dishes. He spots you and turns the tap off, turning to face you as he dries his hands off.

“You shouldn’t have gotten me anything,” you tell him softly, but really feel touched by the gesture.

“No, but I wanted to. Do you really like it?”

“I love it!” you chuckle in disbelief. How could he think you wouldn’t like it?!

You move forward, aiming for a hug out of instinct but then stop yourself, not wanting to cross any boundaries, but Harry notices the motion and for your surprise, he wraps you in a warm hug on his own. You melt against his hard chest, your nose buried into his shoulder as your arms circle around his waist.

When you lean back, you both keep your arms around each other, eyes meeting and you realize just how close you are to each other. Without even knowing, your gaze flickers down to his lips and you’re dying to kiss him, to feel them again, but you don’t move, wanting to keep your word about letting him set the pace.

But what you didn’t expect is Harry leaning down and capturing your lips in a sweet, innocent kiss. It’s so different from the last time, that was a hot mess, but this one… this is light as a feather but still makes your stomach somersault as you taste his lips, cupping his face in your hands.

“Daddy! I’m thirsty!” Izzy calls out from outside and it kind of ends the moment. Harry pulls back and when you look at him you see that his eyes are still closed. They flutter open a moment later, finding your gaze and you look for any kind of regret or fear in them, but they are nothing but shiny.

“Just a moment, baby!” he answers her, a small smile tugging on his lips as he leans down and pecks the corner of your mouth again before his hands fall from your waist. “Happy birthday, Y/N,” he breathes out before grabbing a bottled water and heading back to Izzy.

You bring your fingertips to your tingling lips as you take a moment to really process what just happened and you can’t push down the smile that spreads across your face. Harry finally took the first step and now you can’t wait to see what’s coming next.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

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[beclynn-herondale]

Inside TMI Gang's diaries part 2

Clary: Dear diary, WHAT THE HELL? so my father is an evil overlord who wants to destroy Downworlders, my mom is still kidnapped and it turns out Jace is my brother, what is life??????????, Also Simon is a vampire and I can't help but blame myself, Alec is off doing things but I know he's gay, Izzy is Izzy, Magnus is currently looking after Jace but says Jace keeps cleaning his loft, I just want things to be normal again, I need coffee.

Jace: Dear diary, *screams!* Why does everything I do end up wrong?, My father is alive, we ain't gonna talk about the Clary situation cause yeah, Alec is avoiding me and idk why, Izzy seems like she's gonna explode over all the love drama. Church seems pissed at me, Magnus keeps telling me to stop cleaning but I clean when I am stressed and when I am anxious and when I am mad, but chairman meow snuggles on me. Simon is a vampire and I honestly don't know. I apparently have a mom? The inquisitor has it out for me she is a scary woman, I am not afraid of her but I imagine others are, and Maryse seems upset with me again don't know what I did. And the Clary situation *sighs*, also Clary and Simon are dating and I guess I was right about it, anyways *SCREAMS*.

Alec: Dear diary, I am officially done, I am fucking done, this is way to much drama for me, also Jace has gone into depression over the Clary situation and he doesn't even realize it, Izzy tried to make me food and I had to run. Magnus is hot, and we have meetings but like I can't be with him and besides I like Jace, Simon is now a vampire but still annoying and he and Clary are dating whatever that is. But also Magnus. oh, and the inquisitor really is um... I can't say that it's rude, mom is very stressed, Max has no idea what's going on, and Jace is staying with Magnus, also Clary is the daughter of an evil overlord. But yeah Magnus.

Magnus: Dear fucking diary, why do I always get dragged into the Shadowhunter's business, if it weren't for Alec and Biscuit I would have ran away, but Alec and those blue eyes. Oh, and now I am watching over Jace Wayland/Lightwood, they say he's a Morgenstern but I don't think he appreciates being called that, also there's something oddly familiar about some of his vibes, they remind me if Will Herondale but I don't know why, also he's afraid of ducks like the Herondales it's weird, but he also keeps cleaning, he keeps fucking cleaning and I don't know where things are, what is he? A housewife? No offense to housewives. Clary and Jace have a situation and I honestly want nothing to do with it. Simon Lewis is a vampire now, I actually feel bad for him, poor guy didn't want anything to do with it. Isabelle Lightwood is not someone to be fucked with I have gathered. The inquisitor is a pain in my ass, but I will do it for Alec in hopes that he'll finally see he isn't in love with Jacey and will realize why I am doing all this cause I like him a lot.

Izzy: Dear diary, I am tired, I like drama but damn this amount and kind of drama is not fun and Jace is actually in a lot of emotional pain and I am tired of seeing him like that, I want my partner in crime back. Clary is Valentine's daughter and her mom is kidnapped, I kinda wish she would go away since she's the cause of my brother's pain but he would be mad if he knew i was thinking this, and I suppose we do need her. Simon is a vampire gotta admit it isn't going to be easy for him and I feel bad for him but idk why. Jace is staying with Magnus and I find it kinda funny. The inquisitor is a word I shouldn't say, and mom seems tense. Dad is idk, and Max I hope doesn't have to understand what's going on. But ya know, I never thought this would be the shit I would be getting into, and I never thought Jace would meet someone who would wreck his whole world. But I swear if the inquisitor hurts my family I won't fucking hesitate.

Simon: Dear diary, life as a teenager is harder then I expected, I am a vampire, I remember when me and Clary were kid's and we pretended we were vampire's, yeah it isn't so fun anymore. I want to go back to normal life. Jace is insufferable right now but I guess I feel a little bad for him, maybe. Clary and me are dating but I feel she isn't as serious about it as I am. Alec and Magnus have something going on but I can't place it. Raphael is interesting, and he definitely doesn't like me. Luke is back and is like dad to everyone, also Maia is cool. Also apparently Clary is the daughter of some super villain and like wtf? Also the Clary and Jace situation..., Yeah let's not get into that. I feel like we are on a drama train and we won't be getting off any time soon. Also Izzy is really cool too, and she's a badass like a super badass. Life is fun *he says sarcastically*.

Church: Dear Cat diary, where do I begin, I seem to be the only intelligent one, I miss Jem he was always intelligent. Also Jace doesn't realize he's a Herondale, if I could talk to these stupid hoomans I would scream it at him, this bitch radiates Herondale, also he's afraid of ducks, what other family would he belong to? But I can't talk and now he will go on thinking he is related to that Clary girl and will descend into the tragic love of the Herondales. Jem where are you? Also Alec and Magnus are meant to be like I know that much, Isabelle is always angry and one day she will figure out why. Simon Lewis is actually a good guy who needs to be wrapped in a blanket, believe me I find it odd that I said that too. But we are going on a drama journey and we won't be leaving anytime soon. I just hope Jem comes and saves me before I get too involved in it.

Tagging @replayfootsteps and @khaleesiofalicante

[normal-thoughts-official]

look i want charlie's pov on malec more than anything. tall scary mobster(?) brother of cute gf is melted soft puddle for this weirdly hot dude with great eyeliner and also just generally charlie interacting with magnus actually. hey do u think if he ever found out about the shadowworld he might talk to magnus about it for someone not so close but still trustworthy and kind and safe? aaaaaaaAAAA

ok but you are right and you know what? FUCK IT. au with charlizzy endgame he can be part of the polycule lmaoo and we get to see all the dumb shenanigans that come with that

like LOOK i get why izzy would tell him that the lightwoods are jewelry makers, it's not THAT far from weapons forgery so she can probably pull that lie off, maryse probably knows a little something about it too, and besides there is her shop, but alec? Alexander Gideon Fucking Shit At Lying Lightwood? NO WAY

i mean look alec is smart and he is cunning and he actually can lie when a plan involves it (he was pretty convincing with "i will bring magnus to the clave myself") and he definitely knows how to navigate diplomacy and stuff like that, but when it comes to actually pretending to be something he's not? especially if it involves improvising? my man lightwood fucking sucks. it's the truth. the same man who convinced lorenzo he would arrest his own boyfriend went "TheSE CeiLInGS ARe spECtaCULaR" not a few moments later. do you think he knows JACK SHIT about jewelry other than what magnus and izzy like or don't like? do you think he even knows what mundanes use as means of transportation? this man doesn't know what bees are. i have to laugh

charlie is probably already half convinced that they're in the mob or some shit anyway, with the way Fucking Shit At Lying Lightwood went all "she told you we're jewelers pffft". also he saw izzy kick that vending machine. like he probably thought it was hot valid but come on now. a woman in stilettos KICKED a vending machine right in the middle without even flinching while she was in the hospital tired as shit with withdrawal sweats. charlie ain't stupid. but also he pretends that he buys it and is all ":) love jewels" just to see what they will come up with

alec gets desperate and asks magnus for help. magnus is just like why do you think i know shit about jewelry making?? alec is like "well you mix up stuff all the time. also you wear them. didn't you design our wedding ring?" and he's like "alec i used mAGIC for that. also do you think making POTIONS is the same as making JEWELS?" and alec is like "i'M DESPERATE"

cue the both of them having an intense research session. for like two whole weeks you can find the both of them at any given time watching boring as fuck documentaries about jewelers and taking notes and shit. they even get some tools so they can PRACTICE just in case charlie fucking? asks to see alec work or something? they are himbos. and of course it's all for nothing because that is NOT the part someone who's not in the field would focus on, so as soon as charlie goes "so, what's your specialty?" alec's like "what's a specialty"

bonus he looks up maryse and you know because shadowhunters are fucking dumbasses she probably just spawned into the mundane world without any documentation or backstory or ANYTHING so he finds out that maryse lightwood doesn't fUCKING EXIST and her shop just manifested fully formed one day. at this point the mob is the only possible explanation

charlie idly wonders if he should go to the police, if anything to ask about them, but he doesn't want to ruin the lightwood's lives, they are nice. then one day he walks by the police station and who does he see if not maryse's FUCKING boyfriend. "oh my god, they are infiltrated"

charlie probably thinks that alec buys magnus all his fancy stuff with like laundered money or something. he's all like "haha hey glad to see that they are so accepting of gay people in the mob- i mean jewelry making business :)"

and THEN he asks magnus and alec how they met and they are like "uh" and magnus is like "alec was. a frequent client" cuz you know not a LIE but what the hell was this mobster always going to Fancy Guy for? maybe alec doesn't buy him his stuff maybe magnus is ALSO in the mob. maybe he's a hitman or something. damn, they are really open minded in the mob

except magnus is too sweet and nice to be a hitman so either he's excellent at pretending or he also has nothing to do with any of this. maybe he's like, a tailor or something. mobsters also have to buy regular stuff right? they wear a lot of suits in the movies or whatever. maybe he's their lawyer. he's gotta be pretty good at what he does if he manages to save these guy's asses in court, because they kinda suck at blending in (bonus somehow izzy's trial comes up in conversation so he is like. oh my god magnus IS their lawyer. and his admiration for the guy just doubles cuz really, how)

so he decides, you know, if this guy is also unrelated to the mob he should probably talk to him or something. magnus is trustworthy, he figures. also, i mean, same situation, right? regular folks who just found themselves in love with weirdly sweet mobsters. maybe they can trade tips. if magnus is their lawyer, he probably knows how stuff works better than charlie anyway

so one day he shows up at magnus' and he's all like "i want to preface this by saying that i won't tell anyone" and magnus is sweating already because FUCK there's a potion simmering not two rooms away and alec's bow is rIGHT BEHIND CHARLIE HANGING IN THE DOOR. and charlie is all "do you know what the lightwoods actually do?" and magnus is like "uhhh, yes, they are jewelry makers" and he's like "come on magnus. did you really think i wouldn't figure it out? they aren't jewelry makers. did you know that maryse lightwood doesn't EXIST? hell, i bet none of them do"

cue dramatic "i know what they are" "say it. say it out loud" "mobsters" "what?" "what?" "uh"

and magnus is all like "haha charlie don't be silly of course they are not mobsters. excuse me" and shoos charlie away somehow

he probably has to EXPLAIN to the lightwoods what the mob even is cuz let's be real, there is no way they know. and everyone is like well this is very fucked up! and alec is like "hey actually we should just pretend to be mobsters, that would be easier. it's way closer to what we actually do. jewels, izzy? really?" and izzy is like "alec i'm not telling my boyfriend that we are MOBSTERS!!!" and alec is like "well of course not, that's what a mobster would say. but we can pretend that we are pretending to be jewelers but REALLY we are pretending to be mobsters who are pretending to be jewelers, leave some clues here and there, and actually convince him because he thinks he knows our secret" and izzy is like "no!!!" and alec is like ":("

(magnus is like "that was a very good plan, honey" and alec's like "right?" and magnus is like "yes, very complex, i like it. you'd make a good mobster, you could use your Shadowhunter Mode" and izzy is like "can you guys PLEASE save this for later")

anyway they probably sit charlie down and have a "charlie we are totally not mobsters and here is why" talk but charlie is very clearly like "hmmm. doubt" so after some more sweating and shit they decide to just tell him the truth lmao

bonus points if charlie goes all "THAT'S your newest lie?" and then magnus starts floating or something and he goes "oh ok i see. can i lie down for a second". i mean realistically he would probably test them but once magnus straight up portals them to paris he kind of has to face that maybe he wasn't that right. maybe luke even turns in front of him and shit. or the lightwoods use the runes to become invisible. you know. but THEN he goes "oh ok i see. can i lie down for a second"

but hey at least his cute gf isn't killing people on the side! just demons. who exist. well he can just not think about that!

hey this is random but i was picturing someone mentions that the mob sells drugs and izzy is kinda upset because, you know, she's struggled with addiction lmao. and protective ass alec is like >:( but then later izzy talks about it with charlie and it's like, sweet? extra points if she's like "worst part is that you're not even that wrong. i dragged raphael in with me" and they talk about that you know

anyway yes you are RIGHT about him going to magnus to talk about the shadow world, like, at least it's not the mob! and he was ready to talk to him about that anyway. and magnus out of all of them is the one who best understands mundanes so he can help a lot because he kinda knows what charlie will be thinking, unlike the rest of them. hell, maryse is taking classes on being a mundane. like. come on

and just aaa honestly i would just really like to see that friendship? and see charlie being all excited cuz you know he's a DOCTOR so imagine all the shit he can learn from them! and eventually magnus mentions catarina and charlie gets to meet her and he becomes kind of her inside man helping her cover her tracks when she uses magic to cure a patient that wouldn't make it otherwise or something, and he is really happy with that. and it's just sweet you know? and just yeah generally give me charlie getting close to the downworlders, maybe even getting gifts from madzie because he's been helping her mom so much, like enchanted flowers or something, please and thank you daodhsaoijdsaoi

[izzy-b-hands]

"Fuck you," Jack snarls. "I can do this fancy bullshit too!"

He strips off his clothes and reaches for Stede. "Take 'em off and hand and 'em over!"

"I..." Stede frowns, his eyes scanning Jack up and down. "No."

"Seriously?!"

"He has other clothes," Ed notes. "Surely Jack could-"

"Oh surely, surely, surely," Stede mocks as he whips around and heads into their quarters. "Surely I'll lend my finest silks to that...that..."

"Hey."

"Fucking christ, what the fuck is wrong with you?!" Stede shrieks as he whirls about to find Jack directly behind him in the doorway to the auxiliary wardrobe.

"Well," Jack sighs. "One thing is, this piercing got awful cockeyed on me, no idea how-"

Stede peers down. "Ug-oh. I didn't know you could pierce that spot."

"Yeah, me neither! But when you already got a hole there from a knife, you may as well fill it."

"I don't know what to say to that," Stede admits.

"Then kiss me."

"What?!"

"Just saying," Jack replies. "You could. Blackie won't care."

"I think he might!"

Jack rolls his eyes. "You been staring at my dick ever since I ripped my clothes off five minutes ago. I can read those signs."

"I can't tell if you're this stupid, or if this is a joke," Stede scoffs, and thrusts the nearest pair of midnight blue silk trousers at him. "Here. It'll look nice with your eyes."

Jack takes them slowly. "Uh. You know, out there. I'm just not used to sharing him with anyone else, really. Your fancy stuff is...nice."

"How kind of you," Stede remarks dryly as he browses the racks. He may as well finish the damned outfit now and make sure it looks good.

And Jack too, he supposes.

"I mean it," Jack mutters. "Fuckin'...told Blackie I'd try with you, but you don't make it easy."

"Oh so one compliment erases everything else you've said and done today?" Stede snaps and tosses a beige linen shirt to Jack, only to rush over and exchange it for an ivory one instead.

"I gotta say, I'm confused," Jack says as he looks over the shirt. "Are you mad at me or not?"

"Yes!" Stede hisses. "But no, because Ed likes you and I like Ed so I will deal with you if I must and-oh god, this is how Izzy feels."

"Oof," Jack winces and slips the shirt on. "That's a rough one. You can't tell me you don't need some rum for that."

"I...maybe," Stede sighs. "You can put the trousers on too."

"You sure?"

Jack looks genuinely hesitant.

It makes a storm well up in Stede's chest. He shouldn't like Jack. He doesn't.

He doesn't, but this Jack is...bearable. This Jack is incredibly careful slipping on the trousers, like he'll break them.

"Don't worry about shoes," Jack mumbles. "I think bare feet complete the look for me."

"You should have decent shoes," Stede mutters as he fusses with waistcoats. "Sand is hot during the day."

"Yeah, but if you walk on it enough, you toughen your soles to it," Jack says. "I'd wager your soles aren't all that tough to much of anything, are they?"

Stede whips around and shoves the silver waistcoat with blue beading and threading details into Jack's hands. "They...I... I'm working on it!"

"Admirable," Jack says. "For a man of your age."

"If Ed didn't like you..." Stede grumbles.

"Yeah, same to you," Jack sighs. "Little bit, at least. Can we be decent, or try to be, for his sake?"

Stede lets out his own heavy sigh as he returns to Jack with a jacket and accessories. "I could agree to that. To trying."

Jack turns obediently as Stede helps him into the matching midnight blue jacket, with silver threading to look like ocean waves in the night all along it.

He doesn't say a word while Stede fusses over his hair, braiding it ornately back with blue ribbons.

He turns back around and a hand gently touches the braid. "Damn. This ain't my thing but...when you do it up like this, I get it, kinda. You pretty up Ed like this too?"

"I have," Stede replies. "At his request. And would again, should he ask."

"Lucky guy," Jack says, oddly sadly to Stede's ear. "One last thing before we go back out-"

He leans into Stede, lips nearly touching. "One kiss. Just one. Put everything you hate about me into it. Make it mean. I'll do the same. Might keep us both cool out there in front of everyone."

Stede considers it.

And closes the distance, hard.

It's a violent, messy thing, barely a kiss and more of a strangely sweet bite.

Jack laughs hard as they part. "You smashed my fuckin' nose!"

He did. Jack's nose isn't out of shape or anything, but it is bleeding.

"Here," Stede hands him a handkerchief from a shelf. "Don't worry about it staining."

"Why? Because you can always buy more fancy shit like this?"

"No," Stede replies coldly as he pushes Jack out of the wardrobe, towards the door of his and Ed's quarters. "Because Ed taught me cold water takes out most bloodstains, even in nicer fabrics like these!"

Jack has no reply to that, as Stede finishes shoving him out of the door, and back towards the deck.

[somethingwritey]

my writing samples!

if you’re interested in commissioning my work (or you just like reading excerpts), i’ve taken some time to prepare writing samples! 

more commission information can be found here or you can private message me for further questions! 

-----

💖 dramatic

this is an excerpt from a rangi/kyoshi one-shot i did recently: 

Rangi’s exhalation is loud in Kyoshi’s head, but perhaps almost silent in the world. “I used to see you guys around the mansion,” she confesses. “I would… watch you two. It was my duty, of course, to watch him. But not you.”

This isn’t exactly news to Kyoshi. Rangi has spent lifetimes saving her from herself and the world. Her bodyguard before she knew she needed one.

“I know.”

“You wanna know what I thought?” Rangi shakes her head, a strangled bit of laughter escaping her lips. “When I saw the way he’d admire you? I thought… The Avatar and his servant… what a pathetically tragic way to love. So caught up in the power imbalance of it all.” 

“Rangi -”

“And then,” Rangi stares up at the sky now, squinting into the brightness of it all. “I fell right into it myself. Only you’re not the servant, Kyoshi. You’ve never been the servant. It’s me. In love with the great and powerful Avatar. Hopelessly and endlessly lost in the difference between duty and pleasure.” 

That is absolutely wrong. If nothing else, Kyoshi knows that. “You’re not.”

“In love with you?”

No. That’s probably true, even if Kyoshi still doesn’t know why.

“You’re not my servant. You’ve never been, and you never will be.” 

Rangi finally meets her gaze, and Kyoshi is surprised to see a glassiness there, reflecting in the bronze of her irises. She reaches out and runs a hand along the girl’s jawline, gently tracing every scar, every ghost of pain.

“Whoever made me the Avatar was really, really stupid,” she whispers. “You would’ve made a better one.”

“I’m not Earth Kingdom.”

“I don’t care.” Kyoshi knows how the cycle works. And she still thinks the Era of Rangi would outshine any past or future Avatar.

----

💖 comedic/light-hearted

 this is an excerpt from a jay/carlos de vil one-shot: 

“You have a crush?”

Carlos whipped around, staring at Jay who had just come up the stairs. “Where the fuck did you come from?”

“Uh -” Jay blinked, pointing down the stairs. “Downstairs? Look, someone said you go ... oh, you found a friend.” His gaze fell on the cat.

“He’s my new best friend.” Carlos was only half joking. “You’ve been demoted.”

Jay feigned hurt for a moment. On the whole, he didn’t look as drunk as Carlos would’ve expected. “So, this crush of yours,” he said at last. “Is he the reason you agreed to come?”

The irony wasn’t lost on Carlos, and if he weren’t too busy wishing the earth would swallow him whole, he might’ve laughed. “Uh - I don’t -”

“Come on,” Jay laughed. “I won’t tell anyone. Not even Mal. What’s he like?”

Carlos made a face. “The one time you’re not hammered at a party, huh? Just my luck.”

Jay shook his head. “Come on, man! Just give me a hint!” 

Carlos mimed zipping his lips. 

Jay is here. With you, his brain whispered unhelpfully. Not downstairs. Maybe you have a chance. 

Jay smiled, oddly genuine. “I get that parties aren’t your thing, ‘Los. Must be one hell of a guy if he’s worth all this.”

“Yeah, well,” Carlos mumbled, picking at a spot on the carpet. “He looks cute when he says please.”

----

💖 alternate universe/timeline adjustment 

this is a sneak peak of an unpublished equalist!asami/korra fic that i’m currently working on :) so stay tuned for more of this: 

“Miss Sato,” a voice called from beyond the reinforced door. “You have a visitor.”

Her father, surely! Or one of his associates. But when door slid open and someone stepped inside, it wasn’t Hiroshi.

Asami turned towards the wall. “I don’t want to talk to you.” 

“Asami, wait.” Korra didn’t try to get any closer. “I just -” 

“Just what?” Asami muttered. Her voice dripped with sarcasm. “Wanted to see me put away? Make sure they’d gotten the right girl? A non-bender standing on the sidewalk at night is so dangerous, see. Glad you’ve got the police force cracking down on the issue.” 

She could feel Korra’s frustration and revelled in it. She liked being able to get to Korra. 

“No! That’s not! Ugh!” Korra paced, her footsteps heavy. “I don’t have much time! I just wanted to ask you to meet me! Away from anyone listening! Under the Silk Road Bridge.” 

“I’d love to, but you see,” Asami gestured around her cell. She still hadn’t dropped the cynical act. “I’m kinda busy at the moment.” 

“Your father is already trying to buy your way out,” Korra told her. “You’ll be released before most of Republic City wakes up. I know you, Asami. You wouldn’t… you’re not -” 

“Not what, Korra?” Asami finally looked at her. Hard. “Like the rest of the non-benders? One of the good ones?” 

“You betrayed us!” 

“And you couldn’t save those people from being rounded up like animals!” 

Korra opened her mouth, but no words came out. She threw back her head in frustration. “Fine! I’ll leave you alone! But tonight, at midnight, I’ll be under that bridge. I hope you will be, too. I just want to talk.”  

-----

💖 angst/pining

this is an excerpt from a casey/izzie fic: 

Casey couldn’t breathe. 

She was used to the breathlessness that came with running, the burning and tightening of her lungs as she demanded more from them. But when her feet skimmed across the pavement, racing, racing, like her heartbeat, it didn’t scare her. Rather, she relished it, craved it. The way her whole body felt alive, how she could feel every tingle in her arms and legs, how everything seems to still and grow quiet around her - she loved it. 

This was different. 

Her vision tunneled, entirely swallowed by Izzie and the boy in the corner who had his tongue in her mouth. The people around her suddenly felt too close and the music too loud. She wished she had Sam’s noise canceling headphones. 

Casey wasn’t even trying to inhale anymore as she stared, watching the girl whose lips she’d taken a chance on kiss a boy - a stranger. She could feel her chest burning, could feel the rest of her body screaming at her to take a breath, to do something. But she couldn’t. She could only stare until the need for air became too much.

She gasped, her feet moving against her will. The room smelled like too much weed, stinging her eyes and nose. Casey began to back towards the door.

It wasn’t that she was heartbroken; no, she knew what heartbreak felt like, and right now, that space was occupied by Evan. 

This was on her. She’d decided to break off something good and consistent and wonderful to chase after someone who played hot and cold like Evan played video games. She had no one to blame but the person in the mirror. 

Somehow, after being jostled around by several other bodies, she made it to the hallway. It was quiet, thankfully, the noise of the party muffled to the pulsing of the base inside the hotel room where she knew Izzie was still liplocked with that tall stranger. 

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

How could she have thrown away something so good for this? 

She wanted to go back to being normal; to the time when she looked at Evan’s eyes and didn’t see Izzie’s reflecting back at her.

-----

💖 hurt/comfort 

this is an excerpt from a nico minoru/karolina dean fic: 

“You’re still glowing.” The words came out low. Nico’s eyes flicked up and down her girlfriend’s illuminated body, taking it all in. She knew Karolina could control her light now, which could only mean one thing.

“I wanted you to see it,” Karolina admitted, ducking her head. Now that Nico’s eyes were open, she could see just how much fear flickered behind Karolina’s warm glow. She had removed her arms from Nico now and twisted her hands together in front of herself anxiously. “I needed you to see it.”

Nico swallowed hard, unable to pull her eyes away. The light brought so many emotions flooding back. The first time she’d seen Karo glow. Early nights at the Hostel when the power would short out and Karolina walked around like a glowing flashlight. All the times Nico ran her hands down her hips and kissed her neck and watched her glow brighter than all the stars in the sky. 

“I see it,” Nico promised. 

“You’re not scary,” was Karolina’s response.

They were words Nico had said many times to Karolina, but never had anyone said them to her. 

“Then why am I… like this?”

“Nico.” Karolina shook her head. “Your darkness isn’t evil. It just… is. And I know you can master your magic without the Staff. You’re more than its power.” 

“Am I?” Nico didn’t know what she was. She’d been trying to figure it out for a lot longer than she cared to admit. 

She was the Dead Girl’s Sister. She was That Goth Bitch. She was a loner, an outcast, a freak.

“You’re Nico Minoru,” Karolina said quietly. “And that’s… that’s enough.”

----

💖 fluff

this mal/evie moment is an excerpt from longer fic titled In Loco Parentis:  

Evie had really outdone herself. She’d managed to put together a figure cutting, sapphire satin dress that fell off the shoulders in the most tasteful way possible. With her dark makeup and striking updo, Evie could’ve passed as at least twenty-five. And Mal had never wanted to kiss her more.

“I’m proud of you,” Mal said during a quiet moment, rubbing the other girl’s shoulders gently. “You look great. You did good.”

“Well,” Evie laughed, tipping her head back. “I did well.” 

“Whatever, princess.” Mal’s voice had gone soft, her chin resting on Evie’s shoulder. Unable to help herself, she pressed a gentle kiss there, glancing up to see if she’d overstepped. But Evie didn’t look upset; on the contrary, her eyes were wide and her cheeks pink.

“So that’s what it’s like when a girl kisses you,” she breathed, tucking Mal’s hair behind her ear.

“Believe me,” Mal purred. “You ain’t seen nothing yet.” She waited for Evie to correct her grammar again, but instead, the girl pulled Mal gently out from behind her, capturing Mal’s lips with her own. 

And just like that, Evie was kissing her.

“You’ve got lipstick on your face,” Evie whispered as she pulled away, doing her best to wipe it off.

“I don’t care.”

“I can’t fail you today.” Evie tugged at the hem of her dress, sighing. “I can’t. Mal, this means so much to you.”

But for the first time in a very, very long time, revenge on her mother was the last thing on Mal’s mind. Evie’s eyes and lips and voice took up all the space, blooming in her chest. “You can’t fail me,” she promised.

And that was the sheer and utter truth.

-----

💖 single character-centric

this is an excerpt from a catra-centric exploration:  

She’s lost count of the nail marks. 

When Hordak first threw her in this cell, Catra resolved to count every single tally Shadow Weaver left on the walls. But now that she’s fifty-two marks in - or maybe fifty-three? - her determination is beginning to waver. 

She also doesn’t remember Shadow Weaver being locked up for fifty days. Maybe the nail marks don’t represent days at all - or maybe the old lady is as crazy as she is evil. 

Lowering her gaze to the green glowing shackles around her hands, Catra tries - not for the first time - to wriggle out of them. Their buzzing is growing increasingly irritating.

How dare Shadow Weaver leave? Did she stop to think what would happen to Catra? Did it even cross her mind that she might be thrown in this cell as her replacement? Or maybe she did and just didn’t care? 

Catra’s face twists in a grim smile. Of course her own fate hasn’t given Shadow Weaver any pause. She got what she wanted.

She tries to think back, to find the place where she went wrong - a single moment she can pinpoint where her plans went to shit. But the pieces just don’t fit. Nothing adds up. 

Because Catra has done everything right. She’s climbed the ranks. She’s done her job well. She’s accomplished everything Adora could have and more. She’s surpassed even Shadow Weaver’s authority! 

And yet, here she is. In chains. Awaiting punishment. 

Adora always comes out on top. Hasn’t that been beaten into her since day one? Adora gets to walk away unharmed, with her new best friends and glowing hair. Adora gets Shadow Weaver, despite being a defector, a traitor, a failure! 

I would’ve stayed for you.  

Catra kicks out with her back foot and pushes away the tray someone delivered to her earlier. She’s not that hungry anyway - and certainly not for brown ration bars. 

The tray makes a satisfying clatter as it skids across the floor, and Catra bares her teeth in a halfway smile. If she’s going down, she’s going to go down fighting. She’ll make it as difficult and as painful for Hordak as she can - right until the very end.

-----

💖 second person

this is an excerpt from a summer/tessa fic i wrote by request: 

She’s happy now, you know. 

She’s brighter and happier and just really fucking in love. 

You can see it. You can hear it in the way she talks and the way her eyes light up when she walks into the room. You notice how she perks up when her name is dropped during casual conversation and how she makes a point of talking about her at every possible offhanded moment.

And honestly, you’re happy, too. You’re happy for her. You’re happy for them. Because they’re just so cute, and everyone says so. 

And if you notice that Tessa is wearing her sweater - the one you used to wear because it made her mad and got those sparkling eyes to fix on you for just a few more seconds -  you don’t say anything. 

Because it wasn’t like the sweater belonged to you or was anything other than a polyester cardigan with a small hole in the elbow. 

It’s not like when you draped it over your shoulders, she would roll her eyes and grumble and demand you give it back. Your heart wouldn’t jump, and your mind wouldn’t rush with the adrenaline that came with shooting a snarky response. 

It’s not like you memorized the way she used to scoff - that sound in the back of her throat - or how she’d wave her hand dismissively while you wondered what it would be like to hold it and never let go.

 It’s not like you’ve ever wanted anything from her - attention or otherwise. 

It’s not like that sweater gave you an excuse to touch her shoulders, to catch a whiff of her perfume, to pretend the old sleeves were a good substitute for her arms. 

When words finally do form in your mouth, they’re not the ones you want to say. They’re snarky or sarcastic or snide. They’re perfectly in-character for you, the airhead, the fair-weather friend, or just The Bitch. 

Plain and simple. Easy to categorize and even easier to overlook. 

You won’t think about what it feels like to hug her or how comforting it is to rest your head on her shoulder for those brief, world-stopping seconds - so close you can smell her shampoo and whatever else she uses to make those curls behave themselves. Those moments are meant to be locked away, to be kept safe, where they can’t become anything they shouldn’t. Because the two of you have come so far, but nowhere near far enough. 

Yeah, you’re not my type. 

It’s confirmation of a dead end.

-----

if any of these pieces catch your eye and you want one of your own, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me! i’m in the process of working on some really cool commissions right now, and i’m more than happy to add yours to the mix!

♡  ♡  ♡

[tarantulas4davey]

BACK AT IT WITH THE YOUTUBER RALBERT

one day, race interrupts a stream by kicking the door open and is like “GUESS WHO’S BIRTHDAY IT IS!” and al kinda tackle hugs him saying “happy birthday babe!!! love you!!” and race is caught so off guard for a few seconds he forgets that he came in there because it was AL’S birthday

race builds him the worst looking cake in minecraft (like he makes a cake of different blocks n stuff) and al looks like he’s near tears bc it’s so sweet but also it looks so bad that al’s spent the last five minutes practically crying of laughter

al complains about it being really hot in the room in the summer and race is like “hey comment yes if you want al to take his shirt off” and the comments blow up and al turns bright red and hes like RACE

a few months later al is getting way more comfy with his image and he starts a stream shirtless because it’s literally stupidly hot and race walks in and freezes and literally does not move for seven minutes before he just. tackles al. twitter and the comments are living for it

twitter is OH MY GOD AL IS SUPER HOT and HAHAHA DID YOU SEE RACE’S FACE and AL WE’RE SO PROUD OF YOU THATS SUCH A BIG STEP WE LOVE THE CONFIDENCE

race is exactly the same

race has the newsies come over and they play truth or dare and race and al get dared to do 7 minutes in heaven and jack laughs and hes like don’t worry we’ll mute the video and race cracks up but al looks scandalized

(they don’t end up needing to mute the video)

race is like “al can you grab me a cup of water” and al is like in a minute babe let’s finish the game first and race just kinda stops and (like the overdramatic king he is) proceeds to shoot and kill al

race: if you notice any awkwardness in this video it’s because me and al broke up

al, frustrated: no we didn’t!

race: you shattered my heart when you told me the most cats we could get right now was three

al: you wanted seven!

race, nodding: A REASONABLE NUMBER

in one of race’s videos, al is like half asleep and playing with race’s hair and he’s like “i love ur curls they’re so pretty and you’re so lovely” and race kind stutters for a minute bc al’s sleepy voice is super deep and racer.exe has stopped functioning, please try again in a few minutes

izzy i’m dying you’ve written so many good ones djdhksbdnd

- albert says happy birthday to race with so much conviction everyone genuinely forgets it’s NOT race’s birthday and this is how you know al is super good at lying in among us cause even race believes him for a minute

- the ‘awww that’s really cute’ tears turned into ‘i cant stop fucking laughing’ tears in about 2 seconds flat because it also vaguely looks like the cake race made him in middle school (which was ALSO super tragic, it looks like a melting pile of frosting)

- al just shoves race’s head off camera and goes bright red. he let’s chat go for a minute then just sighs and rolls his eyes and goes “at least buy me dinner first” and race cackles

- y e s they live in LA there’s like a full month ever summer where it’s no less than 98 degrees so why would he have more clothes on than he has to? race walks in and Stops Functioning™️ and chats just like “YEAH THATS HOW WE FELT” and everyone is living for the confidence

- shirtless stream is ALSO how they found out albert started his next tattoo cause he literally has the ironman arch reactor tattooed in the middle of his chest and he has a whole marvel chestpiece planned and someone comments about how attractive it is and race just goes “😳 i know right” cause he’s more of a simp for al than any of their fans

- al looks scandalized for a second before he starts laughing to himself and jack is just like ‘🤨’ and through his laughter al just goes “don’t even worry about it, i’m not the loud one anyway” and race hits him in the back of the head

- race just makes eye contact with the camera, turns in the game, and shoots al in the back of the head. al pouts about it for like 10 minutes (after he goes and gets race water, of course)

- RACE WOULD. he wants to be the young male version of a crazy cat lady and albert is killing his dreams because of “responsibilities” and “landlords” and “a lack of time or energy”

- YES. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, sleepy al for the win. (im gonna add my phone voice hc to this now cause ✨why not✨) also once al was doing a 24 hour charity stream and race had left to run an errand or something so al ordered them food so race could pick it up but it was a local business so he had to call and twitter just obsessed over his phone voice for MONTHS after. he started meme-ing it cause he’s never gotten the thing with his voice but race just sees it and tweets “guys sometimes i call him while i’m out just for the voice jdhwhdhd” and twitter looses it

i love them sm rishjehdbs they’re seriously all i think about

[slashscowboyboots]

Happy Taco Truck: Ice Cream Dreamboat (Part 1)

(all photo credit goes to owners)

I know it’s only been months, but it feels like years since I’ve shared a fic!  This is a continuation of @no-stone-no-bone​‘s awesome fic Duff’s Doughnuts (link here).  I agree with Skyler, I’d love to see other writers write about the different food trucks and make this a series.  This was supposed to be a one-shot, but as I am physically incapable of writing short fics, this is a two-parter.  Buckle in!

Tag list: @izzysdenimjacket​ @no-stone-no-bone​ @sexcoffeeandrockandroll​ @awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands​ @smokeandmirrorz​ @sodalitefully​​ @roger-taylors-car​​  @harley-m-rose​ if you’d like to be tagged let me know, we all know how wonderful the tags work though

Warnings: language, sibling promiscuity, lonely cooking, terminal embarrassment, Axl and Tracii are Axl and Tracii

Thunk thunk thunk.

It was another scorcher inside your food truck, the vicious heat wafting off the griddle pummeling your face as you deftly raked your spatula through a pile of crisping beef tips, then piled them into a fluffy shell, handing it off for your sister Skyler to kiss with your award-winning cilantro lime crema and hand out to the customer.

You couldn’t resist moving up to the open side to watch the patron, a long-haired man wearing a nose chain with “Endless Burgers” stitched on his shirt, take a bite of your creation, then bend at the knees from ecstasy and dig a ten dollar bill from his pocket, stuffing it in your tip jar.

It has been gangbusters during the lunch rush in The Circle, the informal name given to the parking lot of ornery hooligans who fed the masses during the day and lingered behind late in the evening for a bit of recreational hell-raising. 

There was a plethora of culinary delights scattered around you, including Duff’s Doughnuts, Tracii and Phil’s Sno-Cones, Stoney & Cready’s Homewrecker Corndogs, and Jon and Richie’s Jersey Essentials (you never really knew what they were selling, apart from Aqua Net and the occasional cheesesteak, but after they began offering rippers-deep fried hot dogs-Skyler made frequent trips over to ask Richie if she could eat his weenie).  And from what you heard, they all knew how to throw down at night.

You never stayed to find out, though.  Your shyness forced you to fire up Helen the Happy Taco truck and drive home, leaving Skyler behind to do God-knows-what to who-knows-what, and you arrived in the mornings to find her either helping Kelly from Nickels’ BBQ feed his pink-painted porcine smoker, both of them covered in hickeys, or nearly trading blows with the loudmouth redhead who ran the ice cream truck.

Today, however, you’d found her with someone new.  When you pulled into the lot, you saw her with her arms wrapped around a guy with long hair wearing a flannel shirt and shorts, gazing raptly into his piercing blue eyes.  “Bye, Ed,” she murmured, pecking a kiss on his mouth.

“Who was that?” you asked, your eyebrows shooting skywards.

“Produce man,” she answered quickly.

“Were you getting us a good deal?’

“You know it.”

You peeled your gloves off and wiped your sweating face with a paper towel, trying to blot off as much grease as possible.  “I’m taking a break.  I need some ice cream.”

“I got you a frozen lemonade on my break.  It’s gonna taste like shit when you drink it with that ice cream.”

“I don’t care.”

“Punch that dick Axl in the face while you’re over there.  He’s on my last fucking nerve.”

You trudged down to “Axl and Izzy’s Frozen Delights,” eager to leave the brutal swelter inside your truck.  Standing in front of their window, you bent backwards and cracked your aching back, then a raspy voice asked, “Can I help you?”

You looked up into the most beautiful doe eyes you’d ever seen, hazel verging on gold in the afternoon sunlight, belonging to a guy with messy brown hair tied back with a bandanna, and suddenly your feet didn’t hurt anymore.  “Hi,” you said faintly.

“Hey,” he replied, smiling at you, and you felt your breath leave you.  “I’m Izzy, who might you be?”

“Y/N.”

“What can I get for you?”

Your brain instantly forgot how to make words.  “Cone,” you muttered.

His smile grew even bigger.  “What do you want in your cone?”

“Ice cream.”

He chuckled softly.  “What kind?”

“I don’t know.”

Those gorgeous eyes were full of merriment, crinkling at the corners.  “You don’t know?”

“No.”  Get ahold of yourself, you’re sounding like a moron.  “Uh, chocolate?”

“Sure.  I mean, as long as you’re sure about that.”  He winked at you, then turned to the freezer case behind him, and you got an exquisite view of his perfect ass, your mouth open and your breath coming in gasps, then he turned around and grinned, catching you mid-gawk, and you immediately wanted the earth to swallow you up.

“Thank you,” you blurted when he handed you your cone, then you turned to leave.  

“Uh, Y/N?”

“Uh huh?”  You couldn’t believe he was going to prolong putting up with your awkward ass.  

“Aren’t you going to pay me?”

“Oh,” you said, humiliation bringing a knot to your throat, and you handed him a crumpled pile of bills and scuttled away before you could cry.

“Sis, you mind if I head out a little early?” you asked.  “I’ve got a headache and I want to go home.”

“Sure.  I think we’re done for today.  You sure you’re okay?”

You hadn’t said a word all afternoon, just cooked and sweated and tried not to think about what a failure you were.  This was why you didn’t stick around at night, even though you longed to, to laugh and have fun with all the crazy characters around you.  Because you’d fuck it up if you did.

Why wasn’t I born normal? you thought bitterly.  Why am I the disaster in the family?

“Yeah,” you said quietly.  “I’m fine.”

That’s why your tacos were so delicious.  Because you were such a loser, you stayed home and perfected them instead of going out and having a life.  With no demands on your personal time, you discovered that lime made your chicken taco sing, while a little tomato sauce was the secret to juicier ground beef.

Your loneliness was the key to Happy Taco’s success.  

And you’d give everything you knew away just to be cool for five minutes.

“OPEN UP!!” a male voice hollered.  Bam!  Bam!  Bam!  “Little pig, little pig, let me in!”

Skyler dropped the hatch.  “Tracii!  Ferfucksakes!  We just got here!”

Tracii grinned under his bandanna.  “I wanna eat your taco.”

“It is an honor and a privilege to serve you a Happy Taco,” she answered, leaning on the counter and linking her fingers.  “However, we haven’t got anything set up and the only kind we can get you is our el pastor.”

“Okay,” he said, “gimme two,” and Skyler nodded to you.

You sliced the meat off the trompo, carefully evening out the sides, all the while reliving the embarrassment of the previous afternoon in your head.  Maybe you could drive Helen down to Baja California and start life anew, under a different name.

“Hey!” Tracii yelped, his eyes on you.  “I know you!  You’re the one Izzy was talking about last night,” and your knife nearly stabbed the metal pole holding up the pork and pineapple mass.

“Yeah,” he smiled lazily, “you are a looker, aren’t you?  How come you don’t party with us?  Izz said you seemed kinda shy.”

With your eyes wide and heart hammering, you handed the tacos to Skyler, whose mouth was hanging open in shock.

Before she could say anything, Tracii handed her his money and sauntered off, orgasmically moaning as he chewed, and Axl stepped up to the window.

“The fuck you want?” Skyler snapped.  “”It’s too early in the day for you to pick a fight, asshole.”

“I’m not here to fight,” he growled, slamming down a wad of dollars.  “This is from Izzy.  For her ice cream,” and he jutted his chin towards you.  “He says you eat for free at our truck.  The bo-both of you,”  he gritted, the agony of that idea etching deeply on his face.

“Thank you,” you smiled in surprise.

His eyes met yours, waving off your delight.  “Yeah, he’ll be down later.”

“Yes, thank you, Axl,” Skyler said.  “May we offer you an el pastor taco?”

“No,” he said, already retreating.  “Pork gives me the shits.”

Izzy did come by later, just in time for your sister to run off on her break.  

“Hi, Izzy,” you said, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“Hey,” he smiled, looking delicious in his sunglasses.  “So what kind of tacos do you have?”

You recited the list.  “El pastor, carnitas, beef tips, seasoned ground beef, chicken, shrimp, and uh, lengua.”

“What’s that?”

“Uh, tongue.”

He pulled a face and stuck out his tongue, and you giggled, your shyness melting away at his goofiness.  “No, no, it’s really good.  Imagine the most tender, flavorful pot roast.  Everyone always orders seconds.”

“I think I’ll pass on the tongue, that one anyways, and have one shrimp and one chicken.  How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing.  Uh, you and Axl, you eat for free here too.  Thank you, by the way, that’s very generous.”

He grinned wider, and you noticed he’d hadn’t stopped smiling at you since he showed up.  “Don’t mention it.”

You opened the shrimp and chicken containers, then threw the meat down on the griddle and moved it around, forcing yourself to focus on sauteing and not burning down the fucking truck because Izzy was outside.

He peeked in the window, looking around the interior of the truck.  “So how long have you been cooking?”

“Oh, since I was small.  I was at a stove before I could see over it.  These are all my grandmother's recipes.”  You scooped the fillings into their shells, then grabbed the crema.  

“Hey, I only ordered two,” Izzy protested when you handed him his tacos in a cardboard to-go basket.

“One of the chicken ones is Axl’s.  Consider it a peace offering.”

“Thank you.  Hey, Y/N, I was wondering if-”

“Hey, Y/N, I was wondering if I could get some fucking service around here,” a mullet-sporting, Confederate flag t-shirt wearing asshole growled, and Izzy waved, then walked away.

He returned the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, working his way through your menu and bringing you a different-flavored milkshake each time.  He loved all of the tacos he tried, even daring to sample the beef tongue, then immediately ordered another one.

“Told you,” you grinned.

He always made conversation with you while you cooked, his eyes locked on yours as he ate, but every time he finished, there was always a line to tend to, and Skyler made herself scarce as soon as she spotted him.  You never returned to his truck for ice cream, and spent your downtime cleaning the flattop, lighting out as soon as you turned over the CLOSED sign.

“You know,” your sister said to you as you turned the key in the ignition, “if you stayed, you’d probably hook up with Izzy.”

“No,” you said sadly, “I’m a hot mess.  I’d say something stupid and he’d run away.”

“Can’t talk with his tongue in your mouth,” she teased, “or some other part.”

“SKYLER!” you shrieked as she cackled, then you sighed and leaned your head against the steering wheel.  “I’m not like you.”

“You don’t have to be,” she said, leaning over and stroking your hair.  “Just give him a chance.”

“I can’t stay here and have Helen be a-a sin wagon.”

“It’s not like we have orgies!” Skyler laughed.  “At least your man doesn't.  He plays guitar and Axl sings, when he’s not being a dumbass.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.  And then Izzy sings, and Kelly gives me The Look and……”

“Or the produce man shows up.”

“Or Eddie the produce man shows up.”  She gave you a slight smile.  “C’mon, Sis, stay.  He likes you.”

“He doesn’t know me.”

“Then get to know him.  Axl says he’s pining.”

You looked at her in surprise.  “When did you talk to Axl?”

“When he told me that chicken taco you gave him was the best thing he’s ever had.”

You smiled at his praise, drumming your fingertips on the steering wheel.  “Maybe I’ll stay sometime.”

“Pining,” Skyler said, then hopped off the truck.