#Ive lost all confidence | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

gingerissues · 1 month ago

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Boggles my mind how I drew this almost 2 years ago. I can barely draw now! What happened?!

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theadventurek9 · 2 months ago

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Just a short video, but this means a lot. For those that have been following Ryker's journey know that he has been a very hard dog for me to figure out training wise. While he is very confident and stable in many ways, he is deeply anxious about training. He easily gets stressed and shuts down while trying to do a variety of training things.

Anything that is not easy luring with a very high ROR is stressful for him. Shaping has been out of the question for him. I've taken breaks, rewarded everything in a session, tried Nosework (he found that stressful), tried conditioning (he actually does like), tried games and so many different things to pinpoint why he is stressing out and how to help him understand that training is just a silly game when he does things and I give him things he wants. Food, toys, praise, play...any of it.

I've cried a lot over him. I've felt like a failure and a shit trainer who can't even get her own dog to enjoy training.

Yet today I was working on his various food markers with some easy eye contact and he started offering other behaviors. I rewarded everything he wanted to try and eventually it led into this little video. Just a simple back up with a hiked hind leg. This probably has come from the sidestep work we've been doing with conditioning but he offered it on his own, he built up from one step back up to targeting the desk leg and leg hike. I just free shaped what he wanted to offer.

His head is up, his tail is wagging and he kept giving me more and more. This is what I hope for. A dog that enjoyed a silly game of training with me. That he let his goofy side come out and just tried something. I started crying out of happiness for this dumb little behavior. Maybe he will eventually enjoy all training, like Aayla. Maybe I'll get multiple days in a row where I won't see signs of stress when I lay out the mats for training. Maybe he will not hide when I have to manage one of the other pets from interrupting our session.

#im being a bit dramatic but he has seriously taken a hit on my self confidence with training #ive lost a lot of desire to train with anyone #cause all it does is remind me that i have a dog that would rather hide from me than train at times #that ive failed Ryker so terribly #that the confident puppy with so much potential got ruined by me #maybe its not all my fault and adolescence played a big roll #yet i still handled things wrong #i pushed when i should have put things on a break #overall #this session made me happy #Its been the first session ive had in a very long time that i was laughing and smiling #i hope there will be more #really really

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wetslug · 14 days ago

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#WEIGHT TALK CW dont read it u dont want to etc etc #another person at work mentioned just outta the blue that she can tell ive lost weight #which is insane to me bc i cant notice at all bc obviously the change has been so slow. but i guess i should b proud #ive made a concerted effort in 2024 to stop binge eating + eating for sensory reasons only + more meal prepping #and i just checked and i lost the 20lbs i put on in late 2023/early 2024 when i was so stressed and binge eating all da time #i feel a lot better in myself. moving and bending over is a bit easier. and it would b a lie to say i dont feel more confident #so NOW the 2025 goal is to actually get some muscle mass goin #i got rlly embarrassed last year when i went rock climbing w friends and could barely support my own body weight just dangling #but now that im a bit lighter i think itll be easier #the goal is i just want the arm strength to hold my own weight lmao i wanna b able to do...monkey bars....

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9990zara · 4 months ago

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thinking about. narukami arashi. in all her messy self. augh...

#i love her sm and its like way beyond the queen girlboss thing #i have yet to read much of her in the !! stories cuz im catching up slowly but #at least in what ive read so far. shes such a wonderful character. full of duality #shes caring shes distant shes cute and dainty she could beat your ass shes confident shes insecure shes collected shes impulsive #she wants to be loved and love as well but she knows it's painful to chase after someone... to lose people... its painful and scary...#i love how she insists on being there for mika bc she already lost someone to her self centeredness. she will reach out.#she will not allow herself to miss her friends' pain again #but also she keeps her distance... leo had to literally shake her pain out of her...#in ! even though eeeveryone is mean and transphobic she keeps smiling and doesnt push the issue #even tho it hurts her sm to be constantly invalidated...#(yes ik its a good bit of retcon shut up)#even though shes so confident in herself. she still cowers at the thought of being rejected and ostricized.#tbh i love knights in general. the overarching theme of “individualists”#but theyre all just. deeply lonely and unloved people #theyre sticking close and playing family but theyre all terrified deep down its all a house of cards...#i need to read the model trio lookback. i need little nacchan and the birth of her insane crush on the teacher guy.#(also tbh i stand by nacchan being thw most normal knights member. even her crush is Just Girlhood Things)#(like cmon who didnt know a girl who had a delusional crush on someone older. i knew like 10 girls like that #its only the child model part that makes her unusual. between a rich nobleson a yandere tsundere model #a genious lunatic composer a vampire chuunibyou guy and a child model tgirl. whos the most normal)#enstars #arashi narukami

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naenaex0xx · 4 months ago

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I'm so done 😔

#honestly it feels like the world is telling me to give up #why... why did my bus pass abandon me..... and i had no change! wth #my hair got all frizzy too.. cant deal with this #its gonna be super duper dry now 😭#i was literally giving myself a confidence boost today n i have some stuffs i wanna do but no.#i have to mess up something today :')#i wanna cry tbh.... but its a bit dumb to cry over this ..maybe #sigh #posts.nae #ok i think ill still try to make that sideblog but honestly ive lost motivation to do jt... plus idk what to name it #hrhshehebsb the world can go explode smh ruining my day >:(#its probably my own fault i lost my bus pass tho #sighsigh wth 😕

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prettyboykatsuki · 2 years ago

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i have got to stop self isolating but my god it is so hard

#aristotle.txt #sorry kind of venting #i feel like the last year of my life ive like completely given up on finding community and lost all of my self confidence #i used to be much more socialable than i am now but i just . do not have it in me #i know community is important but it is so much harder to reach out again to people!! even friends who i want to see!! it requires so much #more vulnerability than i have left to spare #idk how to deal with it 🥹 ive started by texting my good long time friends but it is . just so hard to get used to being vulnerable #AHDJGKSN #i know part of it is just left over self destruction #im in my era of healing but how . How do i Do This #pain and misery and suffering

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luvsavos · 1 year ago

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random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently

#mar.txt #it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one #maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get #maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important.#maybe it's just the all-consuming，gaping hole of loneliness within me #idk.#i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it #feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction #a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro，but willing to be in a relationship provided the other #person isn't bothered by them being aro，bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings #i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the #only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of #actually caring #'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things #because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they #could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting)#and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends #the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to #me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance #i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad.#to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much.#i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's #most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love，yeah? ha.#maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships，#those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have.#anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the #burden of feeling such intense，suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly.#i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.

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jokerlennon · 1 year ago

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ive been reading so many well-written books lately and writing so little myself it's unhealthy for my psyche probably

#wizardspeak #the good books isn't the problem it's been too long since ive read a good book before last month but i shouldve kept writing ive lost all m #confidence.... and ive got all these devices and themes and motifs rolling around my head and nowhere to put them

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real-life-cloud · 1 year ago

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im GOING to write today ........ i WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#the sky speaks #i havent used twitter in so long and lemme say i missed using tumblr like twitter. just putting my long rambly notes into a single post #anyways onto the rambling #i havent been writing or drawing like at alllll #too busy #also was so sick #but now that i have my new job and i know what my schedule is gonna sorta look like #3 days at joann 2 days cleaning w mom and 2 days nothin #PLUS i dont have to spend money on therapy til after the new year now #and mom is coming home and she seems rly optimistic abt sobriety #im feeling like i can finally create again !!!!#i have 2 creative presents i need to do before christmas #but aside that and 1 prompt still in my inbox (that i rly wanna do anyways) everything else i wanna do is all for Me :)#im kinda put out bc a lot of stuff i wanted to do this fall got shelved.. i wanted to make bday art of kirishima xinyan and kazuha.#i wanted to open comms. but im way too rusty w art rn to be confident doing that. maybe after new years?#god i wanted to come out to my parents properly. the day my mom went to rehab was national coming out day.#it was also one of my last therapy sessions. i came out to her instead #i still managed to do stuff tho. started my new job and got together with friends TWICE !! and i've kept up w doing my moms job alone #idk where im going w this anymore ive lost steam. but yeah. i wanna write today! idk what yet. i hav so many wips i could work on..

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sampilled · 8 months ago

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when teachers tell you to stay in school they are NOT fucking lying

#i stopped going to school at 15 and it will actually be extremely hard to do anything now #like i didnt need to do any higher exams...#BUT i need to be able to say ive done them #and i could do them now #once i figure out if im gonna try and do higher education #but like im just kinda hoping i figure it out somehow #i could do an access course. all is not lost #but it would be exetremely better for me now if teenage me would have done all this shit when she had a more than one teacher #practically begging her to #but i think i would have ended up killing myself and i have experienced so much growth since then #like i wouldnt actually trade what ive done since i left cuz it has just made me like an all around more confident person #but jesus #life has stalled a little bit. i need to get momentum back cuz everyday is the same #and im chronically fucking bored #is it ok to still not know what you wanna br when you grow up at 22???? asking for a friend.

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thedragonagelesbian · 2 years ago

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Doing legacy, night terrors, and dissent all right in a fucking row really is the anders nightmare train huh

#ive made this exact same post before but its really hitting me working on the fic #not once not twice but THREE FUCKING TIMES has anders lost control over himself in such a short span of time #nearly killing someone and (in my canon) seriously wounding cyrus (the guy hes been in love with for three years)#in the process #like....... the post alrik convo is all the more intense and serious when taken in that light #and then immediately following that up with him & cyrus hooking up (in the same scene in my fic)#like (a) yall probably need to take some time to p r o c e s s and cyrus baby boy PLS go talk to ur other friends #fenris and isabela will apologize for betraying you in the fade you do not need to latch on to anders like this #but (b).................... for anders it IS a strangely meaningful & healing way to renegotiate #his understanding of how much control he has over himself and his body #first by topping cyrus & using that control exclusively in the service of taking care of someone else #and their pleasure #and then afterwards making the conscious decision not to pursue his own pleasure further #by staying with cyrus #bc he thinks its the safer and more selfless option #snyway working on this fic has dredged up a LOT of feelings #i dunno if im ever going to have the confidence to share it bc of. yknow. the hooking up part #but its there and its meaningful and its good for both of them #just........ the romantic feelings it comes with are a bit more questionable/destructive in their singular devotion #cyrus hawke #cyrusXanders #**by NOT staying with cyrus

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lunarsapphism · 2 years ago

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#found a picture of me in a dress from last year #and realized i tried that dress on the other day and have a photo that looks almost exactly like it #same pose and everything #checked the date and realized that i took them (unknowingly) almost exactly one year apart. the difference is only like two or three days #and its just weird cause like. ive lost a fairly significant amount of weight since then #and what they dont tell you about growing up not skinny is that if you do lose weight at some point and become smaller #it doesnt necessarily feel good?? yknow? like in your brain i mean.#i feel so incredibly weird about it. especially seeing the side by side.#and its also not that i think that i wasnt pretty even though i was not confident in myself at all. cause i was! i think i was at least #and i think im pretty now too. but i think the feeling of weirdness comes from the fact that most people would look at those photos and go #'oh you look so much better/healthier now!' or something along those lines.#like other people would see me now as an improvement rather than the exact same guy just at a different stage in my life #does that make sense?? i hope so #its hard to convey this idea #idk. its weird. i like the way i fit into clothes better and i like the way my body handles my chronic pain a bit better now #but i feel a lot of guilt for thinking that way because i have quite literally never looked like this before #and if im happiest with the way i look now then what does that mean for the body i had my whole life before this? makes me sad a bit :(#ive always wanted to love every version of myself #but god it is so hard to do that when fatphobia is raging and rampant literally everywhere #aiilov-personal

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field-of-sungflowers · 2 years ago

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Today was my first day in almost 8 months going outside without a knee brace and it went well so celebratory fajitas and bourbon peach tea lemonade

#lbh woulda had this anyway but yknow. bragging lol #''bragging''#ive lost so much muscle mass in my leg but doing pt without the brace will rebuild it faster #and regaining confidence that i wont end up in an ambulance if im not wearing my knee brace all the time is step 1 #unfortunately. im Very Afraid

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nepnym · 1 year ago

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, . sometimes i have to look up words that i get the vibe of that my significant other uses whenever its a weight bearing word in a sentence

the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.

if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.

#thats so true . waow #i use none of the words that i pick up bc i have absolutely no idea what they actually technically mean #and i worry abt using them wrong even though the vibe is close enough and it would still be a valid sentence #but it wouldnt necessarily demonstrate a semantic understanding of the word #sometimes i have to look up words that i get the vibe of that my significant other uses whenever its a weight bearing word in a sentence #and my response changes depending on the actual correct meaning #i read hp as a child and didnt know that poltergeist meant ghost #idk. they were just hanging out w some guys i guess. and they were magical #my base level vocab that i use on a day to day basis is like weird and fucked up as a result #and ive also lost all my normal words but i can circumlocute w vibesbased reasoning #like straight up i lose more words than normal absolutely confident abt this #but ive got so many of them that i can keep up a little bit #idk what word i wanted there in that last one. keep up is a close enough expression #man i wonder what non native speakers would think abt the way i speak and tbh the way i write #both formal and informal #honestly wheres the line between stilted and 'read a lot of books as a kid'#i make phrase neologisms when i lose words like im an mc speedrunner #do we even have a word for 'novel use of two words in combination' or whatever

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girl001 · 2 months ago

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fuck i used to have so much swag all the time and now that i work like 40 hrs a week at a department/grocery store i rarely ever have the time or energy or reason to dress up anymore and when i do have something to get dressed up for i overthink the whole time bc i never get to wear my cool outfits enough so i really gotta make sure i love the outfit im wearing or like ill die or something fuck #depression #imissmycooloutfits #thefirstthingieverwantedtobewhenigrewupwasafashiondesigner #fashionismypassionbro #livinglikethisismisery #butalsomyjobisnotsobad #ijustmissmyclothes #ihavesomanyclothes #ineedtoworkless

#also because of this lack of practice wearing my outlandish swagful outfits ive lost all my confidence in wearing said freaky outfits #so im all nervous about being overdressed or looking weird af whenever i get to get dressed up #fuck this stupid baka world

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vviciously · 8 months ago

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where are my kaczynski-heemeyer-anarcho-almost trad-christian muties at?

#:P have built a car and now building another since ive been on here last #lost the fat from sitting on tumblr and built the muscle from putting on hubs and wheels #have really changed and owe it all to God because hes taught me to trust Him and Him alone #and its given me so much confidence to know He is the strenght of my heart and my portion forever #i also fell in love but thats not important I had a dream last night i was talking about it and it healed me because i so clearly remember #the guy i liked wanted to be with me after he realised he'd lost me and i was so ready to return but then i remmebered i serve GOD first an #he wasnt a christian anyways and yes if you are christian do not date non believers i dont care in ur argument and dont try and convince me #actually not true if God says date that person date that person but God is first always amen right

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