#honestly it feels like the world is telling me to give up
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Not to be the little gremlin obsessed with Chappell Roan BUT… reader thinking Logan is too cool to want a proper relationship with them, so when things get physical they insist things are just “casual” in order to protect themselves from getting hurt. But secretly you’re in love with each other, so honestly, neither of you want things to be casual at all… (mutual pining my beloved) please & thank you!! Love you!
ahh hi hi avo I LOVE this song, and this request, and you - I could so see this being a situation that Logan and reader find themselves in. I had so much fun writing this, I hope you like it! (I added a couple winks to the lyrics as well.) 💖 thank you so much for sending this to me!!!
casual | variant!logan howlett x f!reader
1.2k | posessive!logan, fwb(???), use of alcohol, mutual pining, references to oral sex and PiV.
It doesn’t matter that your heart flips when you look at him. It’s Logan. It’s just casual.
It certainly feels like a dream, watching your worlds collide.
The heft of Logan’s palm fitting into your friends as he shakes their hand - the five of you squeezed into your usual booth in the corner of the bar.
You’d say the past couple weeks had seemed that way, as well. A late-night dose of bravery spiraling into something so raw and intense and real, that you feel like you could choke on it.
Even now, there’s heat in your cheeks as your eyes flick his way. Something stirring in your chest at the way his other arm slings across the back of the booth almost possessively.
But like all dreams, there comes a moment where you have to wake up.
Because you know it’s not.
Because you know your feelings aren’t requited. How could they be, when it’s Logan you’re talking about?
A legend.
A lone wolf.
Someone important, someone whose name carries a weight. Who saved the world, from what Wade tells you.
And you’re - you.
So even if you know what he looks like beneath that flannel, know what his mouth feels like when it presses against yours - what he sounds like, when he comes - you know that this is nothing.
It’s casual. A distraction, for both of you.
And if that’s how it has to be, then you’ll do your best to show him you’re cool with it.
You just hadn’t expected this moment to come so soon. It had been a genuine offer, your “you wanna come with?” when the hour rolled around for your weekly trivia night.
Not thinking his head would cock to the side. The look he’d give you - that arched brow, as his fingers splayed out across your bare hip. Still crowded together on your couch, sweat-dewed.
The “sure, sweetheart” that slipped out.
And now you’re introducing him as your friend - that quick history you’ve perfected - rattling off the “you know, Wade from work’s roommate” even though Wade didn’t work at the dealership anymore.
He had made enough of an impression that none of your friends had forgotten.
And you ignore the bitter jolt in your stomach, when all Logan does is hum.
You think you must have assumed right.
He doesn’t correct you.
Logan quickly solidifies himself as an asset to the team. He gets a lot of the history questions that you’ve always struggled with. A shy quirk of his lips when your friends cheer, and you get swept along with it.
His hand ending up on your thigh along the way. Squeezing, when you chime in. Almost as if forgetting - it’s easy to, when you’re having fun like this.
A low rasp in your ear, when the host takes a break.
“Lemme get you another.”
You can only nod, as he eases out - taking your glass with him.
It only takes a second, before MJ’s hand slaps down on yours.
“That’s Logan?” She hisses - leaning forward, “The one who-”
“Yes.” You cut her off, ignoring the sideways glance her boyfriend gives you.
You never should have told her about that.
Had a hard enough time climbing into your car without thinking about it, yourself - the way he had man-handled you in the passenger seat. Thighs thrown over broad shoulders.
Fingers twined in his hair, as he made you moan in the dark parking garage. Too eager to make it up to your apartment.
She frowns, the words petering out, “But I thought-”
Your teeth worry at your lower lip.
“Yeah. Me too.” You sigh.
MJ knows how much you like him.
Really like him - butterflies, and everything. How it’s been years since you felt this way - slipping from you during that rushed phone call at 6 am the morning after your first night together.
Her eyebrows raise, and it’s a look you know well.
“It’s, you know.” Your hand waves, “It’s casual. It’s-”
It’s easier, this way.
Maybe if you keep repeating it, it won’t hurt as much when he moves on.
The look she shoots you is one of pity, just as a drink is set down in front of you.
Your teeth clicking against each other as the words are swallowed. Forcing a smile as Logan slips back in the booth next to you.
The next round starts a moment after, and it’s a welcome reprieve.
You miss the way his eyes narrow, as yours fix firmly on scorecard in front of you.
But you don’t miss the way his hands stay folded on top of the table, for the rest of the night.
You suppose he must have remembered where he was.
“You wanna come up?”
He lingers outside your apartment door, hands jammed into his pockets. That look from the bar is back - all dark, narrowed eyes.
A low sound in his throat, close to a scoff.
“That what you want, sweetheart?”
Your eyebrows raise, “Yeah. I do, I mean-, that’s what we usually do, right?”
He’s spent just about every night at your apartment. His things still scattered across your room. A leather jacket slung across the chair that’s tucked against your vanity.
Logan’s lips twist at the edges, eyes dropping.
“Suppose we do.” Those hands slip from his pocket, crossing over his chest, “Back when I thought we knew what we were doing. But now…”
His head shakes. A tick in his jaw.
Your stomach drops.
“What do you mean?”
Logan huffs, “The bar, baby. Is that how you really feel?”
A step closer, until he’s caging you in. Voice dropping, rough and low - near gritted out.
“Does this,” His fingers flick between your chest and his, “feel casual to you?”
Your heartbeat gallops behind your ribs.
“I thought-,” You manage, “Thought that’s what you wanted.”
He’s too close, now. The dip of his head, those eyes burning in their shades of brown and gold.
“Now, why would you think that?”
You swallow, “Because you’re you, and I’m-”
“You’re?” He prompts, but you go silent.
A sigh, when your head dips.
Unable to say it out loud.
“Driving me crazy all night, you know that?” He rasps, “Giving me those looks. Calling me your friend, when we both know your mouth was around my cock this morning.”
A low rumble in his throat, “When I still taste like you.”
Your breath hitches, as his hand thumbs at your jaw, tilting it up.
“Lemme ask you again.” His mouth is close enough now to ghost against yours, “Is that how you really feel?”
Your head shakes.
“Wanna be yours.”
It’s breathed out, just as he kisses you.
His body pressing flush, as your hands twine around his neck. A palm around the back of his neck, pulling him closer as he deepens it.
Desire thrumming to life inside you, washing out the dregs of insecurity that you’ve been carrying this whole time. Melting them away completely with the hungry sweep of his tongue, the way he swallows your soft moan.
There’s a flash of white when he finally leans back, with the curve of his lips.
“Good.”
His hand closes around the knob. A rough twist, as his another arm wraps around your waist.
Walking you backwards, into the dark.
“The let me show you exactly how I feel.”
thank you so much, again!! 💖
#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlet smut#wolverine x reader#logan howlett fanfiction#requests#avocado-writes#eupheme answers#xmen x reader
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Feeling very drama and angsty today. Imagine after rehab in 2001, James starts dating reader and it’s all going well, she is really helping him, etc. but when she finds out that he’s only separated from his wife, there’s no official divorce. The worst part is that she finds it from gossip magazine, and she gets the “homewrecker” label? She feels disgusted with herself as she honestly thinks now that James was only using her for his recovery and is going back to his family after he completely recovered ?
I still hope for some happy ending please?
I think you know by now how much I can love angsty stories. I hope you like this💕
Fix us
After James finished rehab, things between us moved fast. He’d been vulnerable, raw, and in need of support. I was there with him, by his side through every late-night call, every rough moment. He’d say that I made him feel whole, that I was the calm he needed in the storm. And I believed him—every word, every promise. I let myself fall.
It felt like everything was finally going right. That was, until today.
I had stopped at the grocery store after work, glancing through the usual row of magazines when something caught my eye. There, on the glossy cover, was a photo of James with his arm around his wife—his wife—alongside the headline: James Hetfield's Secret Affair? Spotted with a New Flame, But No Plans for Divorce.
The world seemed to spin around me as I flipped through the pages, my heart sinking with each line. Separated, not divorced. Speculation. Gossip. And worst of all, that word burned into my mind: homewrecker. The one thing I’d tried so hard not to be.
I felt humiliated, my cheeks hot with a mix of anger and shame. How could he do this? How could he keep something so important from me? Did I mean so little to him that he didn’t even tell me the truth? Had I been nothing more than a distraction—someone to lean on until he could go back to his family?
I barely remember the drive home. By the time I was back in my apartment, I could hardly hold back the tears, still clutching that damn magazine in my hand. I wanted to scream, to throw something. But instead, I just stood there, feeling the weight of it all pressing down on me.
The sound of the door startled me. James had let himself in, his face softening when he saw me standing there, holding the magazine.
“Y/n,” he started, his voice heavy with guilt, “I can explain.”
“Explain what, James?” I spat, holding up the magazine. “Explain how you lied to me? Or how the whole world knows your truth before I do?”
He stepped forward, his face pained. “It wasn’t like that. I didn’t lie to you, I swear. I just… wasn’t ready to face it myself. I didn’t know how to tell you.”
The anger in me flared, but it was the pain that took over. “I thought I was helping you get better, helping you move forward. But all this time, you’re still tied to her. I mean, what am I? Just some temporary fix until you’re ready to go back?”
“No,” he said, reaching for me, but I took a step back. “You’re not a rebound, Y/n. You’re so much more than that.”
“If that were true, then you would have been honest with me,” I shot back, feeling a lump in my throat. “You’ve put me in the worst position possible. I look like a homewrecker, James. I feel used.”
I could see him struggling, his hand running through his hair. “You’re right,” he finally said, his voice breaking. “I never should have let it get this far without telling you. I was selfish, thinking I could handle it all, but... I was wrong. And I’m sorry.”
The sincerity in his voice broke something inside me, and for a moment, I wanted to believe him. But it was hard to shake the betrayal, the embarrassment that had settled in me. “James, I’ve given you everything. My time, my trust… my heart. And now I don’t even know if I can look at myself without feeling disgusted.”
He stepped forward, his eyes pleading. “Please, Y/n. Just give me some time. I’ll fix this—I’ll make it right. I know what I want, and it’s you. I’ll handle everything with her. I’ll show you that this is real.”
I didn’t say anything, just looked away, feeling tears spill over despite myself. “I don’t know if I can trust you again, James. I don’t know if I can trust me anymore.”
“I know,” he whispered, taking my hands in his. “I’ll prove it to you, even if it takes the rest of my life.”
---
Then one night, months after our fight, I heard a knock at my door. When I opened it, there he was, looking exhausted but hopeful, a familiar warmth in his eyes.
“I’m here,” he said, his voice soft and steady. He held up a single sheet of paper—signed divorce papers. “Completely here, Y/n. And if you don’t want me anymore, I get it. But I need you to know… I’m not going anywhere. Not unless you tell me to.”
My chest ached at the sight of him, all the hurt and love I’d kept bottled up unraveling at once. I took a shaky breath, my voice barely audible. “I don’t know if I can go back to the way things were.”
He nodded, taking a small step closer. “I don’t want to go back, either. I just want you, now, however you’ll have me.”
I looked at him, feeling the last of my anger melt away, replaced by something deeper. I reached for his hands, and he closed his fingers around mine, steady and real. His thumbs gently brushed over my knuckles, and I felt him pause, lifting my hands to his lips.
Then, without a word, he pressed a soft kiss to each one, his gaze never leaving mine, his lips warm and tender against my skin. The quiet intensity of it made my heart ache, each kiss melting away the pain I’d held onto for so long.
“I want to try,” I whispered. “But don’t lie to me again, James. Not ever.”
“I swear,” he murmured, his voice filled with relief, his hands still wrapped around mine. He pulled me into a gentle embrace, holding me close, his arms secure and unyielding, as if he never wanted to let go. I let myself sink into him, feeling his heartbeat, steady and strong, and for the first time in a long time, I felt whole again.
This was our new beginning, and this time, I knew we’d face it together.
#metallica#metallica oneshot#metallica fanfiction#metallica angst#metallica fluff#jameshetfield#jameshetfieldxreader#james hetfield fluff#james hetfield one shot#james hetfield angst#nausicaamusiclover20
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I’m ngl. I can’t get the fact out of my head now that the breakup paralleled the first date, but the first date was how we were meant to assume the relationship had fallen on its face in 705. It goes back to whoever made the comment about us being in the rom-com stage of “all hope is lost”. Plus, I also feel like if this breakup was final, it wouldn’t have happened at the end of an episode with so many loose ends. If there’s finality, don’t you want to use an entire episode to make it clear that things are over? Because the breakup feels very “what just happened” (up to and including Buck’s facial expressions).
It’s why I keep coming back to this idea that the make up will parallel the coffee date. Personally, I’d prefer it to be at Tommy’s house (which has to do with my whole theory about Buck opening himself up to Tommy’s life on the show, instead of us always seeing Tommy in Bucks life), but I think if we’re truly getting the rom-com trope and this gets fixed, we likely won’t get a set for Tommy until 8b.
Which is how we get the coffee date recreation. Because to be perfectly honest, if they wanted to drive home that the relationship is over, THAT is scene that needs to be mirrored. That’s the scene that told us they were going to enter a relationship, and that it’s Tommy who Buck wanted to pursue.
I have some tenuous faith that the coffee date will be recreated for the make up, because it makes sense, up to and including the “thanks for meeting me”. We seem to be pretty clear at this point that Buck huddled over some major points in that conversation which made Tommy panic, and if this was the resolution the first time, it would make sense for it to be so the second time.
I will say though, for as much as it might upset a certain part of the fandom, I think we may see the reemergence of “taking this at your pace”. Tommy made it clear in the deleted scene that he was going with Evan’s pace “and just trying to keep up”. To that end, a nice parallel would be Evan recognizing that he tried to rush past I love you straight to “let’s build a life together” without considering Tommy’s reservations. I honestly see a version of this where he tells Tommy something akin to the fact that they’re not moving in together, they can go as slow as he needs, but that the loft’s lease is up in a few months and they can reassess then. This gives the show a nice buffer to give more time to the relationship, let them get even closer, and give Buck more of a place in Tommy’s world before he ultimately gives up the loft and moves in to Tommy’s house.
Or, you know, maybe I’m just crazy.
But it makes sense to me.
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May I request scout and demo (and maybe heavy if you want) with a ftm reader??? It can be any scenario NSFW, sfw idc. I'm hungry and I need food 😭 (you don't gotta do this btw just a little thought ♥️)
-‼️
→With a FTM reader!
Genre: slice of life, fluff! Male reader!
Characters: Scout, Demo, Heavy
Of COURSE I will write this. Relationship left pretty ambiguous. Hope you enjoy! Thank you again for the ask!
Scout
Scout definitely doesn’t realize without you spelling it out for him, no matter how “feminine” you may present.
Asks A LOT of questions, borders on invasive, but is just genuinely pretty confused and intrigued about it.
“So… wait, you were born a chick, but now you’re a guy? How’s dat work?”
“Scout, we have been over this. Literally ten times,” you say, exasperated.
After the initial long and honestly exhausting conversation, the two of you feel closer for it. He’s secretly sentimental as hell, so he appreciates you telling him so much, like it genuinely makes him feel so trusted.
When you come out to him, the support is not instant, as he tends to show these kinds of things in really covert ways, he doesn’t want anyone knowing he has a big heart.
But the second someone says something out of line that is when his support is the most apparent. Always corrects someone when they misgender you, but if they continue after he corrects them? Buddy, it’s over.
You tell scout you appreciate it, but you can stand up for yourself. He’s not really having it though, too hot headed to let it go.
Genuinely forgets your trans at time.
“Why don’t you ever use the urinals? S’weird,” the commented once as you left the bathroom together.
“Scout.”
“What?” He blinked at you dumbly for a few seconds, before realization dawns on him “oh shit! Dats right, sorry.”
He’s trying his best.
Demoman
Demo is part of team “not really my business so it doesn’t affect me”
As in it doesn’t really affect the way that he feels about you, or the way he treats you.
Doesn’t ask any questions unless it’s clear to him it’s something you’d like to talk about.
Depending on closeness he may even feel confident in making some jokes about it. Only if you find them funny though, absolutely wouldn’t do it if made you upset/uncomfortable.
Is big into giving you male experiences that you may have missed out on, mostly cliché and stereotypical things, some of which you have probably definitely done before.
“Demo, I think we’re a little too old to be playing trains right now,” you say, holding a train in your hand.
“Fine then, I’ll just clean it up then,” Demo said with a huff.
You stop him “well… I didn’t say that.”
Let’s you speak for yourself in most settings, but if you ever express your discomfort in a situation he won’t hesitate to remove you from it/remove the person causing this discomfort.
Doesn’t make a huge scene, will take the blame for you saying it’s him who’s got a problem.
Demo supports you when you need it, encourages you through your medical transition if you choose to do so/if you haven’t already.
Alternatively, reassures you that you’re not less of a man for not having surgeries or using HRT if you choose not to.
I honestly believe that Demo has been around a lot of queer people, he’s the world’s best trans ally.
Heavy
Heavy, like Scout has a lot of questions when you come out. Isn’t nearly as invasive and holds back anything that he thinks may make you uncomfortable.
It doesn’t change how he views you, thinks of you as man no matter what.
Really appreciates that he’s someone you trust enough to tell, even if he doesn’t fully get it, he understands that it can be a nerve wracking thing to talk about.
Recommends medic if you want to have any surgeries done, respectfully you decline. Fearing for the rest of your organs well being.
Heavy does a lot of reading to ensure he gets things right, but only brings up your transness if you do.
Loves hearing about your trans experience if you tell him about it, will listen intently taking mental notes.
Doesn’t feel the need to protect you, you’re a grown man who handled himself perfectly fine without him. But, like Demo, if he feels you getting a little out of your depth all he really has to do is come stand behind you.
Gender affirming nicknames, always. I feel like Heavy is big into nicknames some of his favorite for you is “big man” “guy” “handsome” if he’s feeling bold.
“How is the big man today,” he asked coming up to you one day.
You chuckle a little bit “it really should be me asking you that.”
Being with Heavy is a testosterone booster, just enjoy being masculine together.
OOOOO I LOVED WRITING THIS SO MUCH. I may revisit this idea later and add more of the mercs, for now I have more asks to get to! Thanks so much for the ask! (*゚▽゚*)
#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 scout#tf2 demoman#tf2 heavy#x reader#headcanons#heavy x reader#scout x reader#demoman x reader#ftm reader#transmasc reader#fic#fanfic#fanfiction#tf2 x reader#tf2 x you
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(TW: BODY/ORGANS/NEEDLES!!)
Yo! So I was scrolling down your posts and found the one about Al’s ever-increasing automail body and how you are unsure how many of his organs could be replaced and… I have personal experience with that! What a lovely thing, to go through organ failure and have it be worth it if I can pass on that experience for the sake of ✨semi-realism-maybe-if-you-squint✨
My pancreas failed. Entirely. I have to manually give myself insulin every time I eat, and do calculations for it all; I can eat pretty much anything, but it comes at a price. Something something “equivalent exchange” one might even say.
But anyway, I basically have a mechanical pancreas with a remote control! I inject a 7 day supply of insulin into it with a syringe, and I tell it how much and how frequently to inject manually. It can inject into any spot on the body with a thick enough fat layer, usually stomach, thighs, the flabby parts of your upper arm, etc… note: I was 90lbs when I first went into organ failure, you do not have to be any particular body type/size for this to work.
It’s a very simple concept for the machine, and very simple/limited commands. You could even combine the controller with it and make it so there’s a switch/buttons directly on the injection site that have pre-determined doses.
Insulin has to be kept temperature controlled when in storage too, so that’s a cool thing you could mess around with if he has to keep more than a week supply on him. (This can honestly also just be ignored if it’s too complicated ‘^-^)
Insulin is a hormone, basically a command to tell your body to do something. So this can be applied to certain parts of the brain as well!
I don’t know if this’ll help, or if you’ve already found other inspirations that conflict with it, I just thought “hey, this Al makes me feel a little less alone in the world, if I can project a piece of me onto him I’d be really happy”.
Sorry if that’s presumptuous or weird of me to do >~<
OH MY GOSH DW DW THANK YOU SO MUH FOR SENDING THIS!!!! I SINCERELY APPRECIATE IT !!! i know its very strange to say but i love reading stuff like this and this was truly incredible to receive :")
medication/suppliments 1000% slipped my mind like i cant even BELIEVE it how much i forgot to consider it. i knew that going through an organ transplant also entailed needing to take medication to keep your body from rejecting it, but thats about where i stop with knowledge about regarding organ replacements,, but that is so interesting in your case with how much control and calculation is needed?? I also never thought about how truly indepth/technical mechanical organs would need to be!! especially since our organs just casually do the things they do and having a machine mimic it is more than just hitting "go" ...!! if you dont mind me asking how does it like stay powered, i guess ? :O
THE PRESSURE THAT WOULD BE ADDED IF THEY HAD TIME CONSTRAINTS BC OF MEDICATION..... OOOOOO.... especially with the temperature control.... them traveling through the desert would be so much more perilous !! I really will haveta figure out what he would be taking, if it were insulin or some almagomation (that included insulin of course) that could provide him the nutrients he would be missing out on because his lack of ability to eat/digest food...?
the handwavy science of canon that allows automail to work via nerve connections for motor control definitely like. eases the load a bit? although most of these organs require more function than just motor control... hmmm... REGARDLESS, thank u so mcuh for bringing up manually providing the body with hormones (and additionally nutrients), because no matter how quote unquote advanced the automail is, it wouldnt be able to actually produce the things he needs... process it, maybe? sure? but cannot produce it...!!
you're genuinely so sweet!!! thank you SO SO SO much for sending this in !! it really means so much to me that you can relate to this Al :")!! even though im probably trying to get tooo realistic with this portrayal (given the fact that al is mostly metal OTL) i dont want to like... not consider the things he would have to go through ? i guess? i cant quite figure out the words for what i want to say, but nonetheless!! <33333 thank you!!!!!
#SORRY THIS TOOK A BIT TO RESPOND TO!!! i had started writing out a response but then my laptop died and deleted the whole message OTL#im genuinely so obsessed with the connection to equivalent exchange you mentioned that is golden#i truly need to get back into this au (NEVER FORGOTTEN SHES JUST RESTING ON THE SIDELINE!!) bc i love love love thinking all of this throug#not me wishing i went to school for bio/med to utilize the knowledge for this au....!!!#wastelands au
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Tell me Tom is bad at feelings without telling me.... Loved your new B&G chapter, kinda knew that we'd have to see the Dark Lord version of Tommy sometime soon, but didn't think it would be THAT soon. I want my fluff back.
Anywho - kinda funny that he's all in Hermione's face about being her 'Master' when he's quite literally a slave to that WAP. I think Hermione needs to put him in his place ASAP. Here's hoping that whatever they see in the vision really shows just how 'worthy' she is of being his equal.
I am also honestly jealous of all the people that are able to fantasise about the ending - I honestly have no idea and I'm loving it.
My only (silly) question is - will the lines ever stop spreading? It's clear that they are literally everywhere (thanks Tom), but surely they are running out of space to spread?
Also - the hand shaped mark on Tom's chest that Hermione did - are they somehow connected? Sorry I know that's 2 question.
Feel free to ignore them if they are too spoilery! x0x0x
okay I’m glad someone else sees this too haha! Yeah, so not to get to into revealing toms inner turmoil (if you don’t like knowing what’s going on in his head stop reading this),
but I’m totally about to ramble big time because I think a lot of people are missing this. Lots of comments like ‘he’s such an asshole!! How dare he!!!’ Well. Toms definitely spinning. And can you blame the guy? He went from getting a bouquet of symbolic wildflowers from hermione that was even sweeter than she realized (he often gave flowers to his clients as a shop boy, and he even stole some for her accidentally - never imagined once in his life that he’d ever get any - yes because he’s a guy but also because he has a lot of hang ups, he is not used to gifts, he gives things to manipulate and he takes the things he wants), and after deciphering all that realizing (even if he wouldn’t say as much) that he’s fucking down so bad for this witch, fully enamored, must keep. And THEN she’s sick and THEN she doesn’t take his nice ‘take a nap, love’ potion and THEN she gets kidnapped by Dumbledore and the freaking MACUSA and THEN he’s pleading with freaking Hepzibah like some lovesick peasant for help and THEN, when he’s knee deep in imperious curses and dark marks and internationally kidnapping metamorphagi bartenders, THEN, while retrieving her wand from the Ministry despite how tricky that is (like a true gentleman)… he finds out this bitch stole his ring. Which means she knew about his horcrux (well it was horcruxes but he didn’t know that then poor lamb) and in his mind, the only reason anyone would go after a horcrux would be to destroy it. Tom had to process a lot, still had to save her because he can’t have this seer who knows all about him in Dumbledore’s clutches, had to short term delude himself into pretending everything is totally fine until he gets her out, that whole grand escape thing happens, and THEN she wants to give him a blowjob??? Which he’s never trusted anyone to do, let alone this witch he’s obsessed with who destroyed his SOUL??? Who at this point he thinks is a world class psychopath, btw - but he lets it happen because even in his most crazed moments, he’s actually exactly what you said. And he knows it deep down, but can’t accept it, so yeah, he’s doing the whole ‘have to reassert my dark lord dominance’ thing, and while a lot of people reading seemed really hung up on him being a manipulative asshole (rightfully so, this is him), there was also a lot of pretty blatant worship in that chapter too (and in case this has also escaped the general notice, Tom is actually obsessed with pleasing her)
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I'm so done 😔
#honestly it feels like the world is telling me to give up#why... why did my bus pass abandon me..... and i had no change! wth#my hair got all frizzy too.. cant deal with this#its gonna be super duper dry now 😭#i was literally giving myself a confidence boost today n i have some stuffs i wanna do but no.#i have to mess up something today :')#i wanna cry tbh.... but its a bit dumb to cry over this ..maybe#sigh#posts.nae#ok i think ill still try to make that sideblog but honestly ive lost motivation to do jt... plus idk what to name it#hrhshehebsb the world can go explode smh ruining my day >:(#its probably my own fault i lost my bus pass tho#sighsigh wth 😕
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The Language of Love
If you are already convinced snakes are incapable of love, this post is not for you. But if you are open to the possibility that maybe they do, and maybe they love us too, this post explores that thought. Perhaps snakes feel it differently, perhaps they feel it the same humans do- though even humans experience love, be it platonic or romantic, differently from individual to individual. Different people also show their love in different ways as well! Yet still even with a divide between species most of us have felt love from our furry and feathered friends. Perhaps our scaly friends are also telling us they love us, we just might not understand.
When I first got my girl Scoria, if I could tell her only one thing it would be, "I love you." When I held her, I wondered if she understood how much I cared about her, and would do anything to protect her. When I pet her, I wondered if she knew how amazing I thought she was and enjoyed spending time with her.
And then I started watching livestreams of wild snakes, and how they act toward each other. (The above still is from Project Rattle Cam!) When the babies see a trusted adult, they slither all over them! How many times had my girl happily slithered all over me going no where in particular? I imagine that my finger petting her soft as a feather was probably quite similar to another snake greeting her in such a way.
Sakura is much more shy, yet wants to form a bond with me. I see it when she fights her fear to vibe with me. Sometimes she'll sit for hours at the edge of her tank nearest me, not wanting to come out, but just be near me.
Snakes like rattlesnakes and garter snakes will vibe peacefully with each other, with baby rattlesnakes sleeping near the adult rattlesnakes they trust to keep them safe.
Perhaps, when our shy snakes sits with us, facing their fears they're saying, "I'm scared, but I want to be closer with you." And maybe when our snakes slither all over us, going nowhere in particular, like their wild counterparts do with each other they're saying, "I'm so happy to see you! You're my favorite to be with!" I wonder if they could tell us one thing it would be "I love you, best friend!" And it's okay, best friend. I love you too, and already know. <3
#snakes#snake#hognose#rattlesnakes#rattle snakes#I don't want to debate this- those who would are already cemented in their opinions#Plenty of us snake caretakers have wondered I'm sure#From the behavior I've seen from my girls#I feel we are a happy little family#And they display requesting and giving affection#as well as empathy#Not sure what else they'd need to do to convince the world but its enough for me#And really why deprive snake caretakers the comfort of knowing their little scaley friends love them back#“But maybe they don't”#Yeah well maybe they do#Especially when they're doing the behavior their wild counterparts do when they see their friends#Yes they have friends!#Sakura understands when I do the hognose twitch too and will come over when I do it with my arm#Being able to communicate with them is incredible honestly#Anyway#If there was anyone out there wondering if their snake loves them#If they rush over to see you#like to vibe with you#then they enjoy your company#If they can't wait for you to pick them up and wiggle all over you going nowhere in particular#You know they are happy to be around you and are telling you in snake language#which seems super similar to petting/being pet for a critter with no arms#I mean when you have a tongue that isn't made for grooming#And I think it is family love <3
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i actually feel so incredibly uncomfortable and isolated in this space right now and i know that’s silly because of how many people there are just like me who share the same feelings but idk…the fact that people even think this is defensible behavior is making me feel sick
#nothing quite like being reminded how disposable you are#during the pandemic that set the stage for everyone to show exactly how much they don’t care about disabled people#i’m tired of people not taking this shit seriously and i’m incredibly angry about it#because i know y’all who are reckless and ignorant and think you’re invincible are going to be the same ones begging to be let in#when they ultimately become disabled too.#and you know what? i’m not ready to give those people grace yet#been screaming it for years but nobody listens until it’s too late#have already had people with obvious long covid who spouted ableist rhetoric this entire pandemic#come to me asking for advice#and honestly? i don’t think you deserve advice#i have so much empathy but i’m TIRED#i don’t fucking care anymore i get that we’ve been lied to this entire time but if you actually wanted to do the research you would#and since i know nobody cares about protecting others#i think you would at least care about protecting yourself considering how selfish you’ve proven yourselves to be#this is at the entire world and everyone who refuses to wake up to the fact that we are screwed#disabled people have been telling you this entire time and it’s still a fuckimg joke#and it will only become serious when it affects them directly#i’m so angry right now#and honestly? if you feel like this is about you at all? in any way? that’s your sign#do fucking better. TEST WHEN YOURE SIXK#stop fucking going out when you’re sick unless it’s necessary#i’m so so tired
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I feel like there are roughly two kinds of "painfully weird kid" that you can be during your K-12 school years. the first is your "I am trying so hard to be normal but I just cannot seem to hit the mark. there's just something wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it" and the second is the category I was in, which is your "everyone around me is so incredibly weird but they obviously can't help it so I will just have to accept this."
#being a deeply weird kid in school was definitely an experience#i feel like it's also heightened when you attend a private catholic school#there are just so many more layers of 'oh wow so this is...a thing' to deal with#like i honestly think the shit that private catholic schools do to a kid's head is worse for the normal kids#i was already at a point where i just accepted that my personal perspective of the world was radically different#and you really weren't going to convince me to start loving denim or perfume or makeup#so trying to get me to feel a bunch of religious guilt was also not going to work#i just added it to the long list of things that are important to most ppl that i just don't give a shit about and moved on#honestly being autistic in a private catholic school put me in a much better spot than a normal catholic student#the teachers would say something absolutely batshit insane#like telling us that 'mentally disabled' kids get a free pass to heaven because they have no original sin just like animals#(if u know ur catholic shit u can imagine the multiple layers of 'but wait!' involved in this statement but anyway)#and your normal catholic student would be like 'what?! for real! oh my gosh...but are you sure? oh you are. well...i guess it's true then..#whereas i would be sitting there like 'wow that is...a wild thing to believe. also u were staring at me for that whole speech so...'#like yeah i did get involved in the heated debates because it was hella fun#but in hindsight it would be really fucked up to be an actual catholic kid in that school because jesus christ...#a lot of our teachers even had strong disagreements over belief shit and would make us all take sides#so it wasn't even like unanimous weird stuff pumped at us. it was like conflicting weird stuff#one intense divide i recall was the simple but highly controversial 'do animals go to heaven?' debate#most said 'yes' with or without conditions#one teacher said 'yes and also disabled kids' which was fucked up and definitely directed at me whenever i was in the room#like some kind of fucked up 'it's okay because you'll get a better life in the afterlife sweetie' kind of thing#while others were like 'ANIMALS? in my heaven? I think not! what did they even do to earn it?! nothing!'#students tended to also be very invested and distressed by the thought of no family pets in heaven#but also very conflicted based on the facts being presented by both sides and also which teacher was their favorite so...
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i would kill for my friends . btw .
#ryan's screaming#BLOCK THIS TAG RN IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE MY BULLSHIT#JUSTDJFJD#their happiness means everything to me#their happiness is honestly very much tied to my own#not to an unhealthy degree im pretty sure i just#i love seeing them happy#i love their laughs and their specific senses of humor and our stupid jokes and#godnrmf#i would never give them up for the world#and sometimes i tell them this and they cryENDNFKDN#i really really love my friends i love them with my whole entire heart#i dont even. i dont care how people would label what i feel for them#i just know theyre genuinely the most important people in my life#YES im crying . FUCKING HELLJDJD#i feel so lucky to have met themdjdj#i love seeing things that remind me of my friends i love buying gifts for them just because i love conversations that flow so easily#i love how spending time with them especially irl makes me feel like no time has passed at all#they make me so happy. good goddndn#i will never understand people who consider friendships to be lesser than romantic ones#because these people are a part of me and i would fight the world for them and i love them and--#--theyre never going to be Just Friends to me.#or any less than any romantic relationship ill have because these people fucking SHAPED me#man . man#it is 7pm on a thursday and im losing my shit#thank god none of them know abt my sideblogJDNFJF#or have tumblr accounts
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#tbh im sick of being made to feel. not working class. because i am. but poor. like as though i am ACTUALLY poor (im not! i have Enough)#by the income metrics of EVERY university I’ve attended. like that’s how little you’re exposed to normal people? that you class me as#financially struggling? ME? and i don’t mean it in a shame way it’s so hard to articulate this because I’m just surrounded by people who#really would not be able to live on my family’s very normal income. but im sick of middle class students pleading poverty because their#parents aren’t throwing money at them and im sick of institutions recognising there’s a very real class inequality but doing nothing aside#from low income grants if we’re lucky or ‘widening participation’ grants that are so narrow and contribute so little as to effectively be#worthless. not to MENTION the way middle class students AND academics talk about the working class like we’re a stupid monolith#next person to talk about the way they need to support post-92 unis because education is a universal good and the working class need a plac#to go ❤️ gets shot. honestly. like i actually can’t do it any more. im sick of you fucking people#IM ALREADY IN YOUR WORLD. SURPRISE!!!!!!! stop pricing me out or microaggressing me into giving up.#this is also not about cost of living crisis this absolutely predates it like it is Hurting right now. anyway.#didn’t get the widening participation grant. 👍 so whoever the fuck did. Well im calling bullshit on it honestly. i commute 4 hours each way#because it’s the only way i can afford my ma at redacted prestigious institution please tell me more about how you can afford to rent in#london and have an income below x. 👩❤️💋👩#dl
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honestly i am so drawn towards certain monastic traditions, like the structured implementation of your principles, learning to be present, radical acceptance, scholarship as a practice, simplicity etc etc
#like i now know for a fact that if i lived in medieval times i would do anything and everything to be a monk#or i guess a nun#literally worlds first nonbinary monk#the thing i dont ball with necessarily is the spirituality or the subscription to organized religion that comes along with it#i kind of dont feel the need to discover the secret workings of the universe#and i feel like that sort of thinking leads to hegemonic thinking where you sort of feel superior to others bc you know something they dont#and if a core part of your belief system is that everyone is inherently equal and equally deserving of love or whatever#then i think the pursuit of the spiritual mechanisms of the world undermines that belief#from what i can tell the practice that lines up most accurately with my beliefs is zen but like who knows#i want to practice like... an absurd zen#like honestly if there was a way for me to develop a monastic practice out of the writings of camus i would LOL#txt#also like im realizing how little i give a fuck about sex with other people i think the monk life would suit me just fine
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boomer take maybe, but i feel like some people only read booktok ya and watch disney/mcu and IT SHOWS.
i think some of you dont like narratives or stories or characters i think you just like fanfiction tropes
#in real life good people sometimes have prejudice make terrible mistakes hurt others#but the point is that they learn and try to make it up#i feel like people who don't understand it in fiction don't understand it irl either#they will turn on their eldery aunt for saying one insensitive thing completely ignoring everything they got from her#i literally had someone tell me irl that if my aunt is homophobic then i don't need to give her back the money i borrowed for my studies#and i was like ????#you literally don't know her and our relationship apart from one story i told you#and don't get me started on the way some of people in fandom perceive villains#people irl don't come with an 'ATTENTION BAD PERSON' disclaimer so why should they in fiction?#is your basic understanding of the world so poor that you can't figure out that a murderous overlord is a bad person?#even if he also happens to be a multidimensional person who's sometimes doing seemingly good things?#without the narrative force feeding you the opinion that he is evil?#honestly shit like that is why i'm scared of writing and publishing fics#i've had people in my inbox accusing me of the weirdest things and i haven't even unleashed like 90% of my headcanons yet 😂
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Diluc likes to personally do the repairs and maintenance to not only his own weapon, but especially those of his most important people. He would always insist on personally handling Kaeya, later Jean's, weapons, throughout their time as Knights together, and even to this day gets salty if he happens to see either or even their weapons alone at Wagner's.
#hc; diluc#//He truly forgets himself most when he sees Kae's sword in particular at Wagner's#//Forgets they even Fought for a good solid moment while FUMING abt why the man didn't come to HIM for the repairs instead#//Even considering storming on over to take it off the blacksmith's hands before realizing 'Ah. Right. He doesn't trust me anymore-'#//Each and every time; it feels like a good slap to the face. Would honestly prefer one to having to see that#//It's bc to Luc; letting him handle yer weapon is a symbol of the UTMOST TRUST#//TRUST that he can and will take care of your weapon; practically an extension of yourself as he sees it; with only the best#//TRUST that any modifications he does mean to make it better serve you; from how well he knows of your stance; habits; etc#//TRUST that he will give it back posthaste and efficiently; if not grant you his very protection until he is finished with it#//To see his loved's one's weapons in the hands of another blacksmith or sb with the skill of one; it is a VERY harsh blow to him#//Takes it Extremely personally even if the person has ample justification why (personal divides; location convenience; didn't know;etc)#//Might actually torch smth on accident; depending on how attached he is to the person#//Never takes it out on them ofc; but the resulting questioning abt their choice of forge Might get a little tense#//Assuming he doesn't just withdraw some bc he's very worried abt possibly arguing & how things could turn out#//Esp if they tell him they think Wagner/smth other is a better fit at repairs for them; or worse say smth like 'Why would I ask you?'#//Doesn't even matter if it was meant innocuously or not; he would feel fucken Gutted not having that confidence in him#//Esp bc he would have mentioned his skill at the forges & willingness to work their weapons in the time they get close enough to matter#//Mentioning specifically BC he wants them to; bc he's GOTTEN to the point where they mean that much to him#//He'll only ask once; then drop the matter and never bring it up again unless they do. And if they do; it would mean the WORLD#//Traveler is also one of the select few he would want to handle the weapons of#//Kae and Jean; Luc's just known the longest and treasures more#//But Traveler has earned his fondness and respect quite a lot#//Klee would be another; if only Catalysts required the same maintenance he's used to/trained in
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I once was talking with my pharmacy manager about... democracy, about how while there's plenty of stupid people in the world we'd all probably prefer didn't vote, that it was very very hard to actually make a line that makes sure only wise people vote while keeping all the idiots out
And I basically said to him "think of all the doctors and pharmacists you know who are smart, well educated people, who you 100% don't think make good choices"
From the look and his face, I'd say that spoke to him (it's incredible how many smart idiots there are in the world, isn't it?)
Anyway, I make that point because it much more addresses the whole concept of... lets call it democracy of the fit
Like it sounds great till you actually take even one second to think about it. It's almost like trying to draw any line in the sand for who it's ok to disenfranchise is not only dumb and ineffective, but also super dangerous. Ah man, I'm sorry, you scored too low on this test which happens behind closed doors and is graded by my political ally... it's not like you disagreeing with me had anything to do with that
(I'd hope we don't even need to touch on why the idea that testosterone levels are a really stupid useless way to decide who gets to vote, cause if that's true then we don't even have to disenfranchise anyone, we can just give out steroids and have the best country in the world... or is it only naturally produced T that makes you a free thinker?)
oh hey just in case anyone who left twitter is wondering how things are going over there
last night elon tweeted a 4chan screenshot (with bonus antisemitic text in the OP image) advocating for only “high status males” in government and the implied repeal of women’s suffrage. Cool cool cool
#as if elon musk is a free thinker instead of someone that gets lead around by the nose nonstop#and seriously; you'll forgive me if I give hormone levels absolutely zero credit when it comes to intellectual inner workings#...mhh... I'm reminded of someone I know who was talking to me and saying he thought that low testosterone#was causing him to have trouble focusing on things#and it's like... my dude...#you have ADHD; just the other day you were talking to me about when you were younger and spent years talking to a therapist about this#and how they had you on medications to help you with your ADHD... and... you're not on any meds right now#perhaps you less need testosterone and more need... your ADHD meds#but to be clear; this is the guy I'll refer to sometimes on here as Dr Jekyll and Mr Dumbass#cause he's capable of being either real smart; or saying the stupidest edgy shit you've ever seen#...and... I honestly feel like there's a strong correlation between which of those he is and how much weed he's been smoking#but like... people get way to fixated on estrogen and testosterone... especially dudes getting fixated on... well... both of those actually#'the soy has too much estrogen; it'll make me a woman' that's... that's not how any of this fucking works#'if I just got on testosterone everything would be cured for me' often... you hear those ads and they talk about stuff like hair loss#I had a teacher in high school who was bald specifically cause he had too much testosterone#he was quite literally a big bearded bald mountain man; lived up in the mountains with no running water#would come into town on his motorcycle and shower at the YMCA and then taught at our school; everyone still to this day loves him#real great teacher in a lot of ways... and I think he'd be the first to say you're stupid of you think his testosterone is what makes him#people are their choices and their thoughts and their actions; not just a readout of hormones#just such an idiotic shit show of an idea on how the world works#'oh lets just have a council of high testosterone men... and autistic' my dude you're being fucking weird and fucking stupid#I'd love if only people with good ideas could vote; but there's literally no way to make that happen#and lets be blunt that no one would agree on what that looks like; and in the end that's called a dictatorship#where a select group of people who are so smart that they'll always vote for the leader has a sham democracy#so we're not doing that; and since we're not doing that I'm just telling you that there's no way to weed out stupid voters#and again; T levels is the stupidest of them all; cause if that's true just give everyone steroids#this is just so stupid; and it's being said by someone who can't even understand how stupid they are#(which... is most people who spout alpha bullshit; which anyone who knows anything knows alpha stuff in wolves was dropped)#(and the person who said this actually has no value was the person who put forward the idea)#(realized his model was messed up by the situation the captive wolves were in and it wasn't actually true in the larger world)
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