writing-zelda-brainrots

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

Apothecary![Name]: It's not easy being a laundress at the imperial palace. Just the other day I was mistaken for a kitchen maid by a visiting nobleman. Even if he knew of mine elevated status as lady-in-waiting to Lady Gyokuyou, the Precious Consort, I doubt he would understand the intricacies of peasant occupations.

[Name]: He asked me to slip some "special seasonings" into the consort's dinner in exchange for some extra coin. Unluckily for him, I can both read and comprehend the various shorthands utilized by apothecaries. Let's just say that the only ones allowed to poison anyone around here are myself (because I ust poison myself), Lady Lishu and that annoying eunich Jinshi if - and only if - he manages to go a fortnight without 'showing his affections' towards me. Notice how visiting nobles be not on that rather exclusive list.

[Name]: Coincidentally, that nobleman dropped dead the next morning. But I be a lady-in-waiting, so I know not what has transpired.

The Chain who asked what it was like to work in the palace:

--

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

*whenever literally anything goes wrong*

[Name]: What did you do?

Wild: Alright. But you can't be mad at me.

[Name]: What did you do?

Wild: Okay, first off: I was minding my OWN business.

[Name]: Bullshit!

Wild: I waaaas!

--

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

First, after getting all caught up on "Apothecary![Name] lore" after joining teh group late: Are you insane?

[Name]: Legally? No. There is no definition for my condition.

--

As for if First will show up in the fic... I can neither confirm nor deny it. We'll just have to wait and see.

I do like him and I am willing to write him in other fics/contexts.

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

yandere chain: (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)

reader:...

reader: I'm not calling any of you all 'good boy'! you all was almost crucified ravio because I said he is cute!

yandere chain: ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽

*insert sad boo-womp sound effect here*

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

So you know how elves in media are almost always depicted as a species with a very long lifespan (in the 100s or even 1000s)?

Imagine that Isekai![Name] makes an offhanded comment about it and suddenly Yandere!Chain start worrying that they might outlive their Darling. Sure, Twilight might say that the humans he's lived around his whole life aged at the same rate that Hylians did, but whose to say that it works the same way in your world?

What if your species works like how dog years work? What if time passes much quicker for you and soon you'll be old and dust before they even reach their 50s? No! That can't happen! They want to spend their whole lives with you, grow old together, be there for each other until the very end; they can't do this if you're gone because of the cruel hand of time!

And yes, I do know that Hylians are not elves, they jst have pointy ears.

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

What most peole think Apothecary![Name] is like: Oh no, my friends are in trouble! I hope my medicine is enough to heal them! Oh, I'm so weak and useless!

How the Chain describes her (mostly to intimidate people): She has no rules, no boundaries. She doesn't flinch at torture, human traffiking or genocide. She's not loyal to a flag or a country or any set of ideals.

How she actually is: What do you mean you punched the statue? And, no, I'm not healing that, put some ice on it and walk it off. Eat your damn vegetables, Wind, they're good for you. Time, if I find out you skipped your pain meds one more time, I swear, I will shove my fist SO FAR-

--

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

Apothecary![Name]: Take this medicine for a few days and get back to me then. Any other questions?

Warriors: Would you like to have dinner together?

[Name]: I don't date patients.

Warriors: Worth a shot.

--

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

I'm imagining the Chain going to Skyloft and Apothecary![Name] getting swarmed by the Remlits.

They like her because she's chill and does not toss them off the edge (*ahem* Sky). Also she probably has catnip (or something with a similar affect) in her basket.

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

[Name]: Would the word "boner" be a slur for Stalfos?

Four: [Name], it's 2 am. Please go to sleep.

--

Meanwhile, Twilight's over there, thinking over every interaction with the Hero's Shade he's had just to make sure he never said anything offensive to his grandpappy.

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

Apothecary![Name]: Who the fuck is "the Hero of Hyrule?" I thought the hero was one person.

Apothecary![Name]: It's a whole group of these bitches.

--

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

Sky: So what's the history of your world?

Isekai![Name]: You want the long version or the short version?

Sky: Umm... The short one?

[Name]: Shit's fucked.

Sky: Oh... Well, that's... Not optimal.

--

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

Twilight: Well, we are short of rupees, we can offer our services in the village...any other ideas?

Sky: We can play music and have rupees thrown at us

Legend: We can see what we have extra to sell

Apothecary Reader: sell Warrior-

And I oop-

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

Time: that area will be difficult to pass, it is a sealed place with many monsters inside, we will have to go back until we come up with a plan

Apothecary Reader with a mustard gas recipe in her pocket: (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

There is only one thing worse than facing a hoarde of monsters. And that thing is [Name] with prep time.

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

--

Warriors: If you were to put together a draft of people you'd go out with, would I at least be on it?

[Name]: Yeah, how many slots?

Warriors: One.

[Name]: ... No.

Warriors: Two.

[Name], laughing: What are you asking me right now?

Warriors: Two.

--

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

wait I really was thinking about -8 😰

They never suspect a negative number.

My psychic powers strike again.

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

Out of context spoiler for Chapter 2 of The Apothecary's Travel Guide

Warriors: *starting his "fake flirt with the new girl to get info out of her" plan*

[Name]:

[writing-zelda-brainrots]

Waaaait, if we share the same brain, that means you've also thought about what an absolute world threat Apothecary!Reader would be if she turned yandere? or can you tell me what number I'm thinking of right now? 😱

Personally, I'm not into Yandere!Reader fics. It's just not my cup of tea.

But if she were to go crazy, things would go down the toilet real quick for anyone she didn't like. She has a good poker face and she has learned enough from her big sisters to know how to get someone hot under the collar, or at least catch them off guard.

And the number you're thinking of is -8.