ethereal-scramble

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Aw hun. I'm late to the party but I wanted to say, been there, done that. It'll pass, I promise you. I hope you're doing better.

11.05.23 || today was stressful. i will not elaborate. i cried in front of a stranger.

// day 26/100 of productivity.

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i must not afternoon nap. afternoon nap is the mind-killer. afternoon nap is the little death that brings total obliteration. i will face my afternoon sleepy tired and permit it to pass over and through me. and when it has gone i will turn the inner eye to see its path. where the afternoon sleepy tired has gone there will be nothing. only i will remain

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Our professor had us review this scientific text and it sounded fine at first, nothing majorly alarming, except it got progressively worse the more we fact-checked it. Eventually, we found appalling factual mistakes and several non-existent sources. We literally spent an hour absolutely annihilating this "author" and wondering who could possibly write such shit. At the end of the class, the prof smiled and said, "Oh, by the way, this was written by chatGPT. As you might've concluded, do not use it because we'll know :)". At the time, I had just begun to experiment with chatGPT for my research because it was very new, and cool, and easy to use. This one assignment totally floored me. I haven't used chatGPT since. I've heard that Turnitin can now recognise ChatGPT as well.

Personally, I wouldn't count on it to write my actual work for me. Help with it, sure, but I've found that it generally gives a very surface-level output and is mostly a waste of time.

I feel like the only person not tempted to use ChatGPT like it doesn't even occur to me as an option

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4-5 May, 2023 (Day 2-3/60)

I am so happy because I was able to submit my housing application! There were some issues with proving that I do, in fact, have an internship scheduled with their university, but their admin was able to figure out a way to do it. I have also given them my arrival date 🫣 Everything is happening so fast and so slow at the same time.

In other news, the internship committee forced AH to give me feedback the very next day and not 2 weeks from now like he planned 😂 So now I have a bunch of comments to work through. That's fine, they raised some valid points. AH feels attacked yet again, this time by me saying his invention has never been validated (because it hasn't) so we'll see. I'll have to reword this, I suppose.

I'm currently focusing on my scientific review application and the internship application will have to wait until next week. I have absolutely zero idea how to write a review application 👀 I guess I'll improvise. I think I'll ask a friend for hers, just to see what I'm aiming for. At least my topic is interesting, although I definitely see why a review is needed... The subject is a mess.

I found r/phd and r/GradSchool on reddit recently and boi is it relatable. I am SO glad there are so many people sharing their struggles with the world. To that end, I get that I may have a very, very small audience here, but I like to think that my journey might still help someone someday and make them feel a bit less inadequate and frustrated. At least that's what others do for me.

On the sleeping schedule and working out front I have failed abominably. I keep going to sleep very late and I don't plan anything movement-related in my day which inevitably means I totally end up not doing it. Relying on "feeling like it" is such a scam.

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Has this been done yet

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May 3, 2023 (Day 1/60)

I managed to read through my supervisor's paper. I will be honest, I don't quite grasp how he did his analysis. I read it several times over and took notes but maybe I'm just not there yet in terms of statistical knowledge. I also read a few other papers and tried out Litmaps for the first time. I'm not entirely sold on that site as the free version is, indeed, limited and the whole concept is also not that straightforward either. I thought I'd found a good number of articles but then I kept finding other, super obvious ones on my own so now I'm not sure whether it was due to user error or Litmaps really isn't that good. Anyway, I still intend to write my review application by Friday and maybe also submit it by Friday. I am aware it's Wednesday night but I've achieved bigger academic miracles in my school career before lmao.

I woke up at noon so no points for the sleeping schedule yet but I am determined to go to bed on time tonight. I'm learning to cut myself some slack and to let the unfinished tasks go. I'm only human, after all; whatever I didn't manage today, I'll do tomorrow.

I did not move a muscle beyond going down and up 2 flights of stairs to throw the trash out so I'm counting that as a minus.

⏩ On a side note, can anyone recommend good literature review tools? I know of connectedpapers, Litmaps, and ResearchRabbit. What does everyone use?

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Ok, update, I have only 1h40 min left and I've actually been doing my work because of this widget. Every time I unlock my phone, I see a ridiculously small timeframe of the day left and it freaks me out lol. Definitely works for my "abundance mentality" brain that thinks we have all the time in the world and I can "just do it later".

I wanna share a really cool productivity app that I found last night! it's called Sectograph and it displays your calendar agenda as a 12-hour clock. It looks like this:

It has a widget as well:

It syncs with google calendar and probably other calendars, too.

What I like about it is that it helps me visualise my time better. I sort of see my hours in a similar way in my head so the normal list agenda doesn't really come through to me in terms of how I'm wasting my time. This buddy, however? In case you can't do quick math, it not only shows you the time blocks, it also calculates how long you have until your next appointment. My current next event is my bedtime routine and it so much closer than I thought it was 👀 This made me literally jump out of bed with the desire to be productive because I don't actually have that long. In my head, I had until 21 h, and that sounds like a lot but it's actually only 7 hours away currently 😅

Links:

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I wanna share a really cool productivity app that I found last night! it's called Sectograph and it displays your calendar agenda as a 12-hour clock. It looks like this:

It has a widget as well:

It syncs with google calendar and probably other calendars, too.

What I like about it is that it helps me visualise my time better. I sort of see my hours in a similar way in my head so the normal list agenda doesn't really come through to me in terms of how I'm wasting my time. This buddy, however? In case you can't do quick math, it not only shows you the time blocks, it also calculates how long you have until your next appointment. My current next event is my bedtime routine and it so much closer than I thought it was 👀 This made me literally jump out of bed with the desire to be productive because I don't actually have that long. In my head, I had until 21 h, and that sounds like a lot but it's actually only 7 hours away currently 😅

Links:

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"The biggest issue is students using it, me spotting it and having no recourse whatsoever to do anything about it." can you elaborate a bit further

Hello !

So to explain a bit more: we [aka your lecturers, teachers, teaching assistants, etc...] know that some students will use ChatGPT.

And there is a discussion to be had about how to work with this, how to design assessment which allow students to leverage something which may simply become a fixture of writing in a workplace environment, but that is not the discussion we are having here. Because that is not what we are worried about.

The defensible, problematic situation is: a student straight up entering the essay prompt on ChatGPT, and using the grand skills of Ctrl+C / Ctrl+V, submits it as their own paper.

And our main worry, I think, was for a long time that we would not be able to catch it. That students would, actually, be able to fool us and that we would actually think this was a student who understood the course, who put in the work, and who deserve to be rewarded for their grade. That was the main fear.

But here is the thing.

And listen up, students :

Essays written by ChatGPT :

Suck

Are spotted from a mile away from the person reading it

For real. They suck.

I cannot stress enough how easy they are to spot. You are NOT fooling anyone. I do not need the platform's AI-detecting tool to know when an essay was written by Chat GPT. It is so, very painfully obvious when that's the case.

But the problem then becomes : ok, I have spotted a student who cheated.

What am I even supposed to do with it.

It is one thing to KNOW that an essay was AI-generated, it is another to defend it to a plagiarism committee. First of all, does it actually count as plagiarism ? Second, how do prove, with certainty, that the student did not write it ? How to I convince the plagiarism committee that this is worth looking into ? I am in the role of a police officer, who needs to convince the DA that this is a winnable case, that prosecuting will not be a waste of their time. But I don't have a Similarity Percentage to rely on. I don't have an original source to say "look, this is the exact same wording!" like in a classic plagiarism case.

Best case scenario, I can make my case for thee student to actually be called to the plagiarism committee, where we probe into how, exactly, they wrote their essay, until they fold. Unlikely, morally questionable, and in all likelihood, ineffective on students already so confident in their bullshit that they have the audacity to submit a fully AI-generated work for their finals.

Now, students, gather up, especially if you have considered using Chat GPT this way. Because right now, you might think it means you can get away with it.

But let me tell you something. First, that essay is getting the shittiest grade we can give you. Because you know what is more difficult than a lecturer proving that a student used AI to generate their essay ? A student proving that they deserve a better grade. Once we give you a grade, burden of evidence is on you to prove that you have not been graded properly. And we can come up with 15 reasons why an essay is a shit essay. We put on kids' gloves, when we lecture and give feedback. We give the simplified version of most theories, we give the basics of how to structure an essay, the bar we set is spectacularly low, because students come in good faith, they are learning, they will not be held at the same standard as academics. But if you try to argue that you need a higher grade, when you had the audacity to not write a single word of your work, the kids gloves are going to come off real quick, and your lecturer will be able to very convincingly explain why, actually, giving you a passing grade was a mercy in the first place.

Second. Academics, especially angry academics, are a gossip machine.

You may get a passing grade, and there may be no official note of it in your file whatsoever. But I can guarantee you that your lecturer will chat with their colleagues. That every single one of your essay that year, and the years to come, will be looked at with so much scrutiny I hope your referencing for every single work reaches perfection. Every single paragraph will be looked at with the knowledge that you are likely to have had it AI-generated. Lecturers will tell their TA to look at for That One Student when they grade you .You will not be getting any flexibility from us, no extension without full documentation to support it, no letter of recommendation from any member of the faculty, no word in your favor if you are bordering a grade bracket. If we are feeling especially petty, we might even forget to answer your emails or answer any question you have with such warmth and kindness you really still never feel like asking a question again in our class. And I know that, because that's already happening. I have the name of three undergrads that we know, for a fact, did not write their own essay. Two are not even in my modules at all.

Now. That's pretty mean. But if you have the absolute audacity and lack of ethics required to submit an essay for which you have not written a single word, and thought it would actually work, when your lecturer spent probably more that 80 hours working in this module this term, gave you the opportunity to meet for office hours, to ask any question in person or in email, to have extensions, accommodations, additional time ? When you decided that putting exactly zero second of your time, considered that you were above that - and above other students- and yet we were not able to officially sanction you for it, we had to give you a passing grade, the same passing grade as students who actually made an effort?

Yeah, sorry, you are not getting any sympathy from your lecturers anymore.

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I literally really needed this. Thank you!!

once you stop fantasizing about that ideal version of yourself and start working towards becoming that person by setting your alarm clock earlier and actually going to the gym and actually volunteering at places and actually eating healthier and not procrastinating and working just a little bit harder you’ll realize that it was so easy all along. becoming your ideal self will only ever exist in your mind until you make the decision to work towards becoming that person. get up!! get going!! it’s now or never!! there is no light at the end of the tunnel!! get that flashlight and pave your own path bitch bc no one else is going to do it for u!!

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So, tomorrow marks exactly 60 days until I officially start my internship. Should I do a productivity challenge? I think I might.

Alright.

May 2, 2023 (Day 0/60)

Goals:

Consistent sleeping schedule.

Some kind of movement every day.

Spend at least 1h "in the zone" every day.

Obviously, there are many more things I'd like to change about my life, but let's start small. To be honest, those don't seem small at all right now.

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May 2, 2023

Well, I'm back.

I am starting #ethereal-academic where I'll be documenting the wild ride of a STEM graduate student trying to actually graduate. I don't think I'll post daily, I'm not good with diaries, but sometimes I get bouts of word diarrhea and I need to tell someone.

Like right now. I swear, my life is a roller-coaster. I spent the past month emotionally paralysed and absolutely dreading my internship application discussion. My internal supervisor (AH for a**hole from now on) was and continues to be unhelpful and had practically told me he wouldn't have time for me. He left me to write the whole application on my own, with only a vague title to guide me and 3 papers. As a master's student, I was supposed to have help, but my project coordinator couldn't assist me since he's in another country. So, I was on my own.

But, oh my god. Guys, I did it. I wrote the whole thing - I picked the methods, the aims, everything, and this week my project coordinator approved it all. He had no revisions. He said I wrote exactly what he had in mind. I could cry from relief.

And then. I met my daily supervisor. Ohmigosh, he is so cute. And he's so nice. I am floored. He even defended me in front of AH when he tried to, once again, make me look incompetent. AH is so not-nice to me, for no reason whatsoever, and now someone finally defended me. I almost cried. And this someone is being so helpful with my stuff. I finally have actual guidance. I breathed a sigh of relief for the first time in ages.

Now, of course AH immediately said he would probably look at my application in the next few weeks. Yeah, like who's in a hurry or anything? Not me HAHAkillmeHAHA.

At least the topic of my scientific review is kick-ass, courtesy of my lovely supervisor. I think I will apply for that this week. This much I can do.

I also need to prepare for my flight home. And for my international move soon. Gosh, it's so stressful. So many moving parts.

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March 29, 2023

Yesterday was a very long day of working from home. The good news is that our proposal seems to look okay. The bad news is that I have to be away today and my group will have to work without me. I think we're all a little panicked and confused and it would've been better to do this together. I don't like that I have to do this other thing right now.

This is a little hard this morning but I am grateful for

The opportunity to go to this event, even if it's at the worst possible timing

My group and our ability to have fun even when the work itself is not fun

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March 28, 2023

Our proposal ideas got the green light yesterday! We're doing something right, it seems. I also did my groceries (finally) and then danced in my room until 1 in the morning. Not the wisest decision but sometimes a girl needs those good chemicals. Midnight dance parties just hit different.

Grateful for

My work group and how cool they are

The grapes I bought, I always forget how much I love grapes

Mind dump

Write experiment 3

Plan summer

Register for the career fair

Read K's papers

Email K?

Email int'l office?

Plane tickets?

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In another life, I am a professional dancer, I swear

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March 27, 2023

I had another day inside yesterday, so I'm just adding photos of moments I loved recently. I was relatively productive - I cleaned and cooked for the week. I am almost not scared of the day ahead. Almost. We'll see what happens.

I'm grateful for

Going to bed early, even if I didn't sleep much in the end

The poem I woke up to

Mind dump

Honestly, read the damn papers already

Plan summer

Call int'l office

Do groceries

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March 26, 2023

I didn't do much yesterday. I had a lazy day after my late night out so these photos are technically from last year's spring (I picked ones that resembled yesterday's weather). I am actually kind of stoked, though, because I got into my old writings and I saw some very intriguing stories. In a moment of creative eruption, I rewrote one of them and I might actually continue adding to it.

I'm grateful for:

14 y/o me who wrote her wild ideas down and inspired me now

My best friend who is always stoked to read my writings

My parents possibly coming to see me for my birthday

Mind dump

Fold laundry

Do dishes

Clean

Go grocery shopping -> tomorrow, store closed

Read K's papers

Read for tomorrow

Cook the rice

Plan summer -> um.. yeah, idk yet. Too many things

Write to int'l office -> depends on 7.