#and its not even a situation where I can say with any level of confidence if they would or not because god if I fucking know

[arolesbianism]

Every now and then I remember that oni in fact will eventually have more lore added and I get so excited and scared for a moment and then I remember that it could take months until we see any of that and I proceed to forget abt it again and the cycle repeats

[nohoperadio]

That cool bee book I was talking about a while ago mostly refrains from philosophical digressions (which I think is a strength, I appreciated how the author had total confidence that just clearly presenting the facts about his subject would be enough to make a fascinating book without the need for any "...and here's why that should blow your mind" editorializing, and he's totally right), but there was one towards the end I've found myself thinking about a lot, which is: he wants people to stop using "self-consciousness" (i.e. the concept exemplified by the mirror test but used implicitly or explicitly in tons of other contexts) as a criterion for which animals can be considered sentient/morally relevant/having significant inner lives/however you want to describe it. Not, as you might expect, because he thinks it's an unreasonably high bar to meet, but because it's such a low bar that it produces no distinctions: he argues that basically any animal with any kind of developed central nervous system has to have some kind of self-consciousness almost by definition.

The example I remember best is: imagine you can see an object in your visual field getting closer to you. No matter the specifics, it's obviously always going to make a huge difference to how you evaluate this situation whether the cause of the object getting closer is a] the object is moving towards you, or b] you are moving towards the object. If a, then something might be pursuing you or falling on you or a thousand other things that are just not even worth considering in the case of b. But visually the two cases are indistinguishable; if you're going to be able to track the difference, your brain has to be putting at least some work into keeping tabs on what your own intentions are and what choices you're making as you move through the world, predicting the expected consequences of those choices, and maintaining a fairly tidy mental separation between stuff in the world that you're making happen and stuff in the world that's just happening of its own volition. Otherwise, every time you walk towards a rock you'll freak out and think the rock is rolling into you, or vice versa.

And it's not hard to see how this applies to your entire sensory world right, it applies to sounds and tactile sensations and even feelings internal to your body to some extent, if you're going to both perceive the world and take actions in the world then it's mandatory to mentally separate yourself and the world before that's going to yield even an ounce of helpful information, you just can't function successfully on the most basic level if you're processing stuff that you're doing on the same level as stuff that's happening, if you're in that state then you simply don't have a usable model of the world at all, you just have chaos.

So you can very easily eliminate a certain seductive narrative about the evolution of consciousness, which starts with very primitive animals who are mentally processing nothing but basic sensory inputs, then as you rise up the chain more complex animals are forming concepts of objects and building up a more nuanced understanding of the world, until finally you approach humans and the mind becomes so subtle and sophisticated that it gains access to this special advanced meta-level of thought where it can even understand itself! No, the self is precisely the one idea that has to be in place from the very beginning, before any of it has even the most rudimentary practical value. Self-consciousness isn't the pinnacle of the mind's evolution, it's one of the lowest, most basic foundations that everything else builds off of.

I think this is really cool stuff! I don't know enough about the relevant academic philosophy of mind debates to say how far all this does or doesn't speak to that, maybe someone will tell me the "self-consciousness" concept being attacked here is a strawman somehow, I don't know. But it's definitely impacted the way I (just a dumb guy who likes creatures) think about our small small cousins and what their lives might be like and I think it's super interesting. If you think it's interesting too then maybe you wanna buy The Mind of a Bee by Lars Chittka and read it. It's mostly not about this stuff, as I say it's light on philosophy and heavy on bee-life immersion, but if you actually read this whole post then you're probably in the market for that I feel like.

[tastywormfood]

Ive tried to get my feelings about Moominvalley s4 into words, but im having a really hard time even accepting them. But ill try!

So here's my thoughts in Moominvalley s4.

Im 23 now and i remember being 12 - 15 figuring out my identity, and the only "representation" in mrdia being basically either "Bury your gays" trope or just queerbaiting. I grew up on a base level thinking i wasnt allowed to exist, and if i still dared to, tragedy would be my only birth right.

I believed i wasnt allowed to live a happy, soft AND queer life, cause no media i had seen had ever showed me that, that was a possibility.

Both the 90's Moomin series and Moominvalley 2019 are my comfort shows. I fall asleep to them at night, i listen to them like a podcast while im working or outside, they even calm my panic attacks. I collect cups, plushies, i collect the Comics and even some of the books.

I have 3 Moomin tattoos. This universe means a damn lot to me, and to thousands of ppl world wide.

As a queer person i find incredible comfort in Tove Janssons work, and you have to be a fool to be unable to see the way Snufkin and Moomintroll are written together.

I have been following this show since early 2020 and have watched interview to interview, ive listened to the podcast more times than i can count, and they knew what they were doing.

From the beginning of the show they deliberately wrote Snufkin and Moomin to be something more, they even confess In a BTS that their Moomin might like Snufkin more than Snorkmaiden. Even the podcast talked about it!! We are not crazy!!!

I feel incredibly gaslit by the entire situation, and suddenly im 14 again being told im reading too much into it.

Idk what happened inbetween S3 and 4, but it felt like all the love and care that came from the show, just disappeared?

Ignoring Snufmin for a second, every episode this season felt like a filler. It has no plot, followed up on nothing from the last seasons, and had an extreme amount of loose ends.

The former seasons, especially s1 and 2 has such amazing writting, character development and just a feeling of patience and of softness, i would watch it and think everything would be okay... But this season felt stripped of every inch of the care Tove Jansson put into her universe.

I want to talk a little about Moomintroll.

One of Moomins character Arcs is his want to grow up, its his need to be taken seriously and his need for independence and adventure. His need to step out of his dads shadow, and to be his own moomin! The character development he had built up through out the seasons, completely and utterly disappeared. There is no trace of anything in s4.

He is right back to where he started in s1, not being able to stand up for himself and say no, not having the confidence to go on adventures and right back to idealizing his dad. If anything this entire season felt like a prequal! Cause at least s1 Moomintroll wanted to learn, and was activily trying to change.

Moomintroll truly felt like a side character this season, i dont even think he has any important moments. Unless you count Comet in Moominvalley (which i dont), where all his independence has disappeared. Moominpapa literally has to push him out. He made one decision that eps, which was to float down the river instead of walking, which ended up being the wrong and slower way.

The regression Moomintroll went threw this season is heartbreaking, and thats not my Moomin.

Focusing for a bit on Snufkin, this season felt like a slap to the face.

They know that Snufkin is one of their most popular characters right? If not the most popular. If anything he is at least in the top 3, not only in Moominvalley but in the rest of the moominverse.

So why did this season feel like Snufkin erasure?

He was barely in it, and when he was all of that glow that normally radiats from him was all gone. He felt like the husk of a character.

This version of Snufkin was on of my favs, cause you could actually see his flaws and disagree with his actions. He had room to grow, and he did, he truly did.

He learned from Moomin just like Moomin learned from him. Their characters Arcs co align witch each other, their relationship and interactions are the pillars of the entire show. Snufkin and Moomintroll are what make the show proceed.

Finding the 2019 show for the first time as an 18 year old gave me confirmation and trust, that i was allowed to live a soft and slow life as a queer person. If Moomintroll and Snufkin could have that kind of beautiful queer slow burn romance, then i had a chance to as well.

They knew that a big part of their viewers are queer, and they knew how popular Snufmin was. They knew what kind of ppl they attracted, or they wouldnt have made it like that.

All the soft moments, the longing, the zoom in on eye contact, the zoom in on hand holding. They said trust us, they said be patient, and then they threw everything they had been building up out and set fire to it.

We got Queerbaited, and i truly havnt felt this feeling for a while. We got actual queer shows now, ofc they all end up being cancelled! But they exist!

This show felt like it was crafted with so much love and care, that i completely let my guard down. The entire queer Moomin community did a 5 year long trustfall, just to hit the floor the last second.

Season 4 of Moominvalley felt empty. It felt lost of all care and love. The first 3 seasons felt handcrafted by warm hands, season 4 felt machine made. Easy to digest, with no real soul.

Season 4 of Moominvalley feels souless.

I have chosen to live in a world where Comet in Moominvalley is a prequal to s4 and that s4 is a prequal to s1. The true last season was S3 and Moominvalley ended with Snufkin and Moomin walking arm in arm. Thats the only way i can Rationalize everything.

I have so much more to say, but ill stop here for now. Hope all of you are doing okay<3

[kafus]

ever since liko lost in her battle against chili back in HZ056 i've been pretty passionate about wanting liko to win her future battle against grusha, partially because i just love her and want to see her win after such a heart-wrenching defeat, but also because i thought it would be good character writing - she loses, but learns to be passionate about battling in the process, and then she can apply that to her next major fight and win as a result. that was my thought process.

as HZ063 drew closer however, i started feeling like that maybe isn't what would happen - the way episodes have panned out, she hasn't really had any major battle training since her loss against chili (her joining roy with "awesome training" does not count LOL), and that massive cetitan and the type disadvantage started to really loom over the whole thing. but i still wasn't sure and by the time HZ063 came out this weekend, i genuinely had no clue what to expect, i just hoped the character writing payoff would be good, win or lose.

AND IT WAS!!! thank fucking god i love liko so much i need more really good liko episodes. i'm eating this up

first off: liko REALLY shows off what she learned from battling chili. honestly an absolute treat to watch. her level of increased confidence and focus honestly made me feel spoiled as a fan. never once did she take her eyes off the battle, she was not distracted by grusha being a hardass, and she's able to think through being pinned into a corner to turn the tides despite the odds stacked against her.

everything from the strategic switch to tebrim, to firing off magical leaf into huljukira's mouth, to grabbing tyltalis by the tail/feet... she's actually a really crafty and thoughtful battler when she sets her mind to it, which makes sense because her battle preferences are more to do with her mind than raw strength. even roy remarks "nice control" because she has notable precise control over her pokemon's actions. point is the payoff for her character development in her battle against chili was still present... despite her loss.

and man does this loss sting like a bitch after watching her perform so well... AND on top of that grusha is a complete asshole about it. like UGH it just hurts to watch. and frankly there's no excuse as someone in grusha's position to be treating students that way... but there is a reason. and the reason makes this episode super fucking interesting. i really like how it was handled, actually.

pretty much directly after a scene where grusha interrupts the trio having fun sledding with the arukujira, we're presented with grusha's backstory about why and how he quit snowboarding. the writing is essentially saying, here's grusha being a no-fun, shitty person, and here's why he's like that. (notably, the trio was doing something similar to snowboarding and had to dodge being injured themselves...)

what's important, though, is that we also find out that grusha didn't quit snowboarding because he was too seriously injured to ever do it again, just that it would be harder for him to achieve the same results he used to. he made a conscious, emotionally fueled decision to quit, because like the man says: he's harsh on everyone, himself included.

at this point, he is basically the opposite of liko, and to the general themes of most stories in pokemon. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of passion, in fact he only became a trainer after his snowboarding accident just so he'd have something to succeed at again. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of friends or adventure or any other reason than a desperation to reach the same artificial "success" heights that he did before his accident. not to say that he's inhuman - forgiving the arukujira that caused his injury, patting it on the head, and becoming its trainer, signals a sense of personal guilt over the situation, and the arukujira in question obviously likes him despite his behavior. but it's a very strong contrast to what liko learned in HZ056, with being connected with her pokemon through battle, and enjoying fighting tough opponents even though she could lose.

and it's important to note that even as far back as HZ056 itself, grusha was framed as a contrast to liko. he approaches her and his coldness (no pun intended) immediately slices into the atmosphere of the scene and liko's improved mood, and he implies that liko is weak for being happy after losing, because all he personally cares about is winning and being on top.

all of this is to say that grusha is in the wrong to fail liko, he's in the wrong to talk down to her the way that he does. and this is made clear by the writing! when liko loses and grows from it, grusha's there to say something negative about it. when liko is having fun with her pokemon and her friends, he sarcastically remarks that she must be "pretty confident" if she has time to "goof off." the man in the gym says that he could have kept snowboarding, but he quit, as opposed to liko who gets back up again. everyone thinks he's harsh and offputting.

and at the end when grusha fails her, even dot and roy are like, no, maybe he'll pass you or give you a second chance! because they (rightly) experienced those things and were able to grow from those experiences, so surely the same would be the case for liko? but no! and it's a shock to everyone!

the sound effect paired with liko's surprised face clearly indicates that this is supposed to shock the viewer just as much as it shocks liko and her friends.

and her friends are so surprised that they even try to argue with grusha about it!! it is unfair and wrong! and that's so fucking interesting!!! grusha is a flawed adult character, he's not part of the explorers but he's still treating liko wrongly as opposed to with the support that most of the adults in her life have given her, and he has a reason which makes him compelling, but not an excuse. for the type of show this is i am continually surprised by the complexity of some of the character writing, and this hits particularly well. liko's loss feels meaningful... and like setup for something.

to me, this episode seamlessly bridges off of liko's character development set in motion in HZ056, and also makes her character more clear through her contrast with grusha. i definitely don't think this is truly the end of this plot thread - whether or not liko actually gets to fight grusha again sometime in the future or something else, i definitely think liko will get to prove herself in some way, that pokemon battles aren't just about winning or losing and that grusha was indeed in the wrong. and i do hope she gets to fight grusha again or grusha gets to see her prove herself in the future, because it seems like the guy needs to learn to loosen up and have fun and be passionate, too.

i feel even more sure of this because amethio is in the upcoming episode (thank god, i missed him) and grusha parallels amethio in a lot of ways - they both work very hard to be stronger, but just because of a desperation to succeed, and they're both absolutely miserable and irritable as people because of it, though of course amethio's motivations for being this way are very different. i won't speculate too much about the next episode right now but i am hoping that this will be pointed out by the narrative in some way - an amethio episode coming right after this feels... intentional to say the least lol.

the intentional nature of horizons' character writing and its ability to follow through on things it sets up episodes ago never fails to impress me tbh. really good episode. i fucking love liko

[highdramas]

a house in nebraska | j.m.

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: language, canon typical sadness, canon typical violence, age gap but it’s not really mentioned, sweet sweet yearning, sexual situations but not explicit (yet hehe)

word count: 4704

summary: by joel’s side, you make your way to the midwest, and find yourself inching closer to a house in nebraska you once called home. you and joel have always been okay keeping your pasts to yourselves, focusing on the now. but a roadtrip stirs up feelings, ones that even you cannot deny any longer.

notes: if you are under 18 do not interact with my work or this fic. this is part of the creature comforts series but can be read on its own! house in nebraska in particular is a two part story. this is set 12 years after the outbreak began. joel is 48 and reader is 31.

you still thought about that house.

in most ways, it was rather unassuming. it wasn’t rundown, nor was it like the house that nancy mcnamara had on the other side of town. you remember that first time you had gone to nancy’s house for a birthday party. it was strange to imagine that people lived that way.

no, your house was simple, if not slightly dated. your parents never got around to modernizing it, and you didn’t want them to. it was beautiful in it’s dated nature. it was your home. more than a house. it was a home.

it’s days like today when you think about that house. sometimes you wonder if it’s still standing. oh, what you wouldn’t give to walk up those steps, to run your hand along the railing of the porch. it was a luxury to have these fantasies. that you knew more than anything.

you run your plate over the lukewarm water and you feel joel’s eyes on your back. sometimes, you wonder if he can read your mind. you wonder if maybe he’s harboring this secret power from you that allows him to know your deepest secrets, the history that you hold near and dear to your heart. you don’t know why it is. why it is you don’t tell him. it would be easy to lay all of it down at his feet, to come apart and know that he wasn’t going to judge you or hurt you for it. feelings are a weakness. longing is a weakness. but joel was never going to stab that soft underbelly. you were confident in that.

but you keep it bottled up anyway. you keep him placated with your smiles and the murmurs that everything’s okay, just tired and you know that he sees right through you but you both know that he’s not going to push it. that’s one thing, of many, that you love about joel. he doesn’t push. and in return, neither do you. not hard, anyway.

you dry your hands off and you settle on the couch beside him. you can tell that there’s something on his mind– his eyes don’t give anything away, and maybe he thinks that you’re the mind reader out of the two of them. “talk to me,” you say with that smile of yours that you pull out of the closet only for him, wear it like it’s your finest gown.

he sighs and leans forward, muscled arms against strong knees. he doesn’t meet your gaze. you wish that he would. “i don’t want to tell you because i know exactly what you’re going to say.”

“well, then at least you won’t be hit with any surprises.”

joel looks at you and you already have a wry smile on your face, and he has to fight the urge to match it. “you’re such a shit, you know that?” his humor dies off and he goes back to examining his hands. “gotta head out west.”

you straighten at that. “oh.” confusion riddles you– what is he not saying? “well, where?”

the looks says everything and you’re opening your mouth but he cuts you off before you can get a word out. “no. no. you’re not comin’.”

“if you’re going to nebraska,” you say, your voice perfectly level. “you’re going to have to chain me to the bed in order to get me to stay put.” you rise from your spot and walk towards your bedroom, rustling around to find your backpack. you don’t even know when he’s leaving and you’re preparing yourself.

he knows next to nothing about where you come from. what your story is. it’s not all that special, all things considered– for someone to be alive means that they have had to endure unthinkable hardship to get to that point. but he knows two things: you’re from nebraska, and you never knew what happened to your family.

“joel,” you say, folding a t shirt and laying it flat in your bag. “i’m coming.” when you look at him, there’s something in your eyes that he doesn’t recognize. a whole different you. “you don’t know the things i did to get to boston. so don’t fight me on this. i won’t be a nuisance.”

“i didn’t think you would be,” he steps closer. “i just don’t want you getting your hopes up. that’s all.”

you swallow and you look at him. there’s no fight on his face– you think he probably gave up this fight the second he decided he was going to tell you. after all, he could’ve up and left with a note and nothing more. hell, he didn’t even owe you a note. you weren’t anything. you were friends. you shared something. but beyond that, there was no reason for him to tell you shit. “joel,” you whisper and you step closer to him and you watch the way his throat bobs, the way his lip twitches. “you of all people know that my hope’s gonna have to be pried from my cold, dead hands.”

“i know,” he says quietly. you turn back to your backpack and then he’s behind you and his hands are on your shoulders. things have never been said so explicitly– what you are and what you aren’t, where the lines are drawn. all you know is sometimes he does this; he touches you and it lights you up with a warmth from the inside out. sometimes, you lie in bed beside one another and your foot draws up his calf and his hand smoothes over your waist and tugs you closer to him. sometimes he gives you his ration cards despite your protests. you will wake and he’s long gone but they rest on the dining table. the dining table where his belongings, meager as they are, mingle with yours.

joel cares. joel cares and he knows you more than anyone else could ever fathom it.

you show your care in different ways. once, on an abandoned vehicle in the qz, you found a texas sticker. you had taken dutiful care in the way you peeled it off. you found an old book and ripped a page from the back and laid the sticker down onto it. when you presented it to joel on september 26th, you could see the emotions pass over his face. sorrow and longing and then something else. a sidelong look at you, one that was mostly curious.

“it’s okay to miss it,” you had said then. “that life.”

you’d seen his reactions when others had made mere references of his life before. they were shut down. they were stopped, right then and there. and while you didn’t like to poke the bear… you wanted him to know. wanted to bestow this one thing. there was nothing else to say in that moment, all there was was you and joel and his arm slowly wrapping around your shoulders and tugging you in closer. there was his lips against your temple and your fist gripping his flannel shirt. and that was all you needed.

but in this moment with him just behind you, hands beginning to rub into your shoulders, you feel it. that deep chasm of need deep within you, the one that you’ve been ignoring. your hand goes and covers his and you wrap his arm around your chest, kissing the skin of his forearm. strong, steady joel. protective joel. while you’ve laid awake and wondered what it is he felt for you, you never had to question if he would protect you. if he would save you when it all boiled down to it. you squeeze his arm and he squeezes you back, a heavy, reassuring weight. “just let me have some hope, joel.”

and he would.

–

you stop at bill and frank’s to do some trading. you’d heard the stories of their compound, but had never experienced it yourself, and there was a twinge in your heart. what was stopping you? what stopped you from moving in next door, earning your keep, being of service in some way? what stopped you and joel from settling? sitting around the table, music playing and eating a meal that was more than jerky and dried fruits, it was hard to remember your reasoning. why you two played by the rulebook that you did.

you’re admiring the house when frank found you. he gives you a smile and gets in the wine cabinet, pulling another fresh bottle. “astounding, isn’t it?”

turning to him, you remember that he was so warm. warm in a different way than joel. not better or worse. just different. “it’s amazing,” you admit. “almost hard to believe that there was a time where we all lived like this. took it for granted.”

he steps into the spot beside you, following your gaze. “i’m lucky. bill and i– we’re lucky.” he looks at you for a long time. you could feel the imprint of his gaze on your cheek. “how long have you been with joel?”

smiling to yourself, you say, “three years.” you pause, examining a painting on the wall. “feels like it’s been forever. he’s aging me. stealing my youth.” it’s a joke, and you give a crooked grin. “no, he’s… he’s made everything easier. much easier.”

frank hums at that. “i don’t want to pry,” he begins slowly, giving you a sidelong look. “but are you…”

feeling your cheeks grow warm, all you can do is shrug. “i’m not sure,” you admit. “but i don’t need to be sure. he’s my best friend.”

he nods his head, as if this answer makes more sense than anything else that you could’ve said. “well, for what it’s worth–” you both look out the window of the house where joel and bill stand, practically mirroring one another. hands on their hips. staring out at the fence. “bill’s my best friend, too.”

frank touches your shoulder and you smile at him. for some reason, his words are reassuring.

–

you end up staying the night. there’s a guest bedroom with an adjoining bathroom and frank says you’re welcome to anything you need while bill scowls. you shower before joel does– and, to be honest, he doesn’t give you an option in that regard. he puts his hands on your shoulders and he walks you into the bathroom, pushing the fluffy towel into your chest with a smile. “you stink,” he says and he does something that’s almost a wink that makes your heart sing.

so you do. you shower and you lather yourself in all of the fine soaps that frank had prepared for you. you think that joel must’ve told him about your dry skin– lotions of every scent line the counters, and you lather yourself in them post-shower. when you come out smelling like lavender and vanilla, joel’s head shoots up from his book. he stares at you for a long, long time. you shiver under his gaze, shifting in the clothes that frank had given you.

for a moment, you feel like you’re playing house.

joel clears his throat and he stands up, approaching you. his big hand goes to the side of your face and his thumb runs over your cheekbone, drags down to your lip. when you shiver this time, it’s much more noticeable, and you can see something flash behind joel’s eyes.

there are things that the two of you have done together. but never this. close– but never this. you’ve dreamed about what it might be like for his lips to brush yours, but you’ve never had the luxury to linger on it too long. you were both fighting, tooth and nail, for your own survival. the survival of each other, for tess, for tommy. a makeshift family if you’ve ever heard of one. but in this house, where the walls have art and the linens are clean, and you feel fresher and more clear headed than you ever have…

“go. shower.” you squeeze his wrist. “you stink.”

he scoffs out a laugh and shakes his head at you. but when he casts his gaze upon you again, when he nods his head and moves into the bathroom, you feel anticipation like you’ve never felt before.

joel takes less time in the shower than you did. but when he emerges, all wet hair and glistening skin, you have to physically stop yourself from standing. he doesn’t wear a shirt but sweatpants hang low on his hips, and every thought has to be written all over your face. he walks up to you slowly and your grip the duvet, but when he stands before you and nudges your legs apart to stand between them, your grip slackens, he takes your hands and he puts them up on his shoulders where you glide them across his tanned skin, lace them behind his neck.

“i’m going to say this once, because i don’t want to waste our time with it,” joel begins. “and i know– i know i’m not good with my words. i don’t know if i ever will be. and i know i’ve got walls up, i know i’m fucked up–” you open your mouth but he shakes his head. “let me finish. i know i’m fucked up. and i don’t know if i can give you everything that the man twelve years ago would’ve. but i am a selfish man, and i want what i can give to be enough. and i want to try and give you more.” he brushes a piece of your hair back. “if that’s what you want.”

“you’re more than i could ask for,” you reassure. your hands go to his face and your thumbs stroke against his cheeks. “so let’s stop wasting our time with talking about what we both know.”

joel pushes you down against the mattress and you pull yourself up the bed, towards the pillows, and he hovers above you. “can’t remember the last time i was in a bed this nice,” he murmurs, and he’s so handsome above you, you don’t know how you managed without it. you’ve slept side by side, limbs tangled, but this…

“me neither,” your needy hands reach out for him and then his brown eyes are level with yours, a hand splayed beside your head, holding himself up. “i don’t want to waste it. do you?”

the smile he wears would’ve belonged to the joel from before. mischievous, almost, a smile that reaches his eyes. “what ideas did you have?”

you open your mouth but then his lips are closing over your pulse point and it’s been so long, it’s been forever, it’s been a lifetime ago since you’ve had such true and real intimacy. you start to shake and you stammer to try and reply and he pulls away, shaking his head, running his hand through your hair. “i’m gonna take care of you,” he says seriously. “you gonna let me take care of you, nebraska?”

with a shaky laugh you nod your head, but that’s not enough for him. “words. give me your words.”

“yes,” you breathe. “please.”

and joel, your unsung hero, stays good to his word. he’s a passionate person, deep in there, so it shouldn’t have surprised you that he would be a good and passionate lover– but it did. it made you giddy, every touch, every drag of his tongue. but nothing was better than the first kiss.

joel makes sure to take care in tipping your face up to him. there were candlesticks lit around the quaint bedroom, illuminating you in a golden glow, and you’d never felt like an angel before– not even before this world had made you a killer. but under his eyes and in this room, you feel the closest you ever have. “so damn pretty,” he murmurs to himself, shaking his head. “you know that? how pretty you are?”

your foot runs up his leg. “don’t spend much time looking in mirrors anymore.”

“you’re fuckin’ gorgeous,” he answers for you. one hand goes to the side of your neck and his thumb brushes your pulse and it’s like every single thing in this broken world finally clicks into place with him. and that’s when he does it. that’s when he lowers himself and his lips find yours.

it’s slow. it’s like for the first time since 2003 he has allowed himself to enjoy. he savors you like he savored the meal that bill and frank served you that evening. he drinks you in like their delicious wine, the taste of you better than the heavy red had been on his tongue. a hand slips under your head and caresses, holds you, kisses you like there’s nothing else left to do.

your hands become explorative. across his chest, his stomach, down his spine. he shivers when you hit that sensitive spot just above his tailbone, and it makes you smile against his lips. “like that, huh?” he asks with a laugh. he falls down onto the bed beside you and he tugs you closer, his lips still attached to your jaw. “like knowin’ what you do to me?”

you’re helpless, nodding your head, mind foggy with pleasure. “oh, poor thing,” he coos with another cheeky grin, tapping your bottom lip with his thumb. “i’ll stop bein’ mean.”

“you’re evil,” you say but there’s no bark behind your bite, not when his lips start to move southward, down your chest, pushing up your shirt. your hips begin to raise involuntarily and everything is better than you could ever expect–

the door bursts open. “bill–” joel bellows, rearing back to look at him. you’re not even naked but joel is effortlessly protective, shielding you from his view. but you peek past his arm anyway, and what you see astounds you. bill’s scared. he’s trying to fight it, but you can smell fear like a bloodhound.

“raiders,” bill says and it’s the simplest thing he could’ve said, but it makes you move.

joel is on his feet and you’re tossing him a shirt and he’s tossing you your jacket, you’re moving around each other like you know the exact move the other will make next. and maybe you do. maybe you have memorized the way that he uses his body as a weapon and as a shield.

with guns drawn you help take down raiders. it’s not a fair fight, not with the set up that bill has built and not with you and joel by his side. joel has never had to see you fight. not really, anyway– he’s known of the knife that you keep on you at all times, but bill had tossed you a gun and you knew your way around it and while joel didn’t have time to watch, you could sense it. could feel his eyes lingering for just a moment too long, long enough to risk survival.

and then your gun lowers and your eyes lock and there’s something that passes there, between you.

you don’t know if love is the right way to describe what you feel towards joel. but if it is, then maybe you had just fallen a bit more in love with one another.

–

any mood that existed prior has been shot by the time that you get back into the guest room. with a long, heaving sigh, you start shucking your clothes off. there’s nothing wrong with them– no blood on them, no dirt, no grime, but the mere act of wearing them while you have killed someone makes your skin crawl.

joel exits the room but he returns with two new sets of clothes. he passes one set off to you before he starts changing himself, eyes heavy on one another.

and when you’re both in fresh clothes you inch towards one another and you collapse onto the bed together, and there’s nothing hesitant in the way that he pulls you to him, tugs your body close to his and wrap you up in his dutiful hold until you both drift off into a sleep, one not fueled by pills or booze, but by the safety of one another.

–

bill and frank send you with food (bill begrudgingly, frank happily) and a truck. your end stop is the omaha QZ, outside of which you’ll be meeting with a smuggler who joel has been in contact with since you knew him. but you were a long ways away from nebraska, and it would be many days on the road.

it’s two days in when you find the tape, rustling around through the truck. it was a forgotten thing beneath the passenger seat, and your entire face lights up when you see it. joel glances over at you with a furrowed brow and you lift jeff buckley’s grace. in tandem, you and joel say, “yes.”

mojo pin starts from the top and you find yourself gazing out the window. you prepare yourself for the northeastern beauty to turn into the plains of the midwest, reminding you of a life of before. 

you’re crossing into ohio when he asks, “you like this album?”

slowly, you nod your head. “it was all i would listen to,” you say, remembering who you were before. “maybe jeff buckley’s lucky. to have died before all of this started.”

joel stares at you for a long time. “do you really mean that?”

swallowing, you meet his gaze. do you mean it? “no,” you finally say softly. “there are things that i miss. people i miss. but i don’t think i’d be luckier dead.” you huff a laugh and look back out the window. “if i felt that way, it would be a bit silly to live the way i do.”

“and how do you mean?”

“we fight to live,” you say easily. “we fight to survive. we’re not people who want to give up, even if we pretend we are. being alive is having some hope, contrary to what you may believe.”

“never said i didn’t have hope,” joel begins, his voice all gruff.

“joel, please.” you look over at him and you smirk. “i know you. you may fool other people, but you’re not gonna fool me.”

the two of you fall into an easy silence at that point. there’s nothing pointed about what you said to him, and he doesn’t have any fight in him. he doesn’t want to fight with you, he never does. and, besides– despite what he says, he knows that you’re right.

at some point you fall asleep. you wake up to joel’s hand in your hair, his voice slowly coaxing you awake. you wake with a start, snapping up and looking around. “sorry,” you mumble, the last bits of sleep still clinging onto you for dear life. “didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“s’alright,” he mumbles back to you. “would probably good to stop for the night. we can take turns keeping watch.” he smirks. “it’s your turn first.”

you roll your eyes but he turns the car off and reclines his seat and you can’t help but stare at him. how does anyone expect you to be diligent and alert when you get an opportunity to stare at him uninterrupted? when he opens one eye to look at you you lean back and smile at him, shaking your head. “don’t do that,” you murmur, reaching your hand out and touching his hair, somehow soft still despite everything. “get some sleep.”

joel hums. “keep doin’ that,” he says while your hand is working through his hair. “feels good.”

you’re not going to deny joel what feels good. not for one moment.

–

the days pass faster than you were expecting them to. it’s just you and joel and the open road. occasionally you roll down the window and you stick your head out and let the wind rustle your hair, let jeff buckley fill your ears with his beautiful melodies and you pretend like you and joel are two normal people on a normal road trip together. the one thing that you will never be, you pretend you are.

an ominous quiet grows over you when you pass over the nebraska border. when you see that sign.

joel senses it in you instantly. and for a man who says he’s cold, who says he’s fucked up, who says that he doesn’t know if he can be what you need– you don’t feel that when he lays his big hand on your thigh and squeezes. and he doesn’t make a hasty exit with it, either. no, it lingers there. it stays there until your hand goes and lays on top of his, and only then does his hand turn over and he grasps your fingers. laces them with his own, and his thumb draws across the back of your wrist.

when you look over at him, you don’t see a man who’s fucked up. you see a man who’s fighting an eternal, internal battle with himself, to love and let himself be loved. you’ve been there. hell, you’re there now, fighting your own similar battle. but perhaps your armor is weaker, because this touch has melted you down to the bone and made you forget why you wanted to fight in the first place.

the words beg to release from your mouth. i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you so much i’m willing to risk the safety of not loving another soul.

“we’ll go wherever you need,” he speaks up. “and then we’ll go to omaha.”

with a curt nod of your head, you pull the map out of the glove compartment and you scour it. you see your teeny tiny hometown, and you circle it, passing it back to joel.

instantly, you recognize the way that he takes a turn, towards your home. towards your old life.

it’s in the stirred silence that you say, “they call seward the fourth of july city,” you smile a little bit at the memories. memories of fireworks and the smell of a grill and celebrating a patriotism and nationalism that you would resent every day after september 26th, 2003. “my friends and i used to joke about that city part. seward was barely a town, let alone a city.”

joel watches you intently. you wipe your nose with the back of your hand. “i lost my virginity on the fourth of july.” there’s something glassy behind your eyes. “one year before the outbreak. i was eighteen– all my friends joked that i was a late bloomer, but i didn’t care. my dad was a preacher and i always got teased because i was the cliche. the rebellious, preacher’s daughter. but that night…” your words drift and you suck in a big breath, watching as dusk overtakes the night ahead of you, casting joel in pretty purple hues. “he wasn’t a bad boy. he was kind. and he took care of me.”

“he was in my senior year english class. i was taking ap lit– didn’t even take the ap test. anyway– he had kind brown eyes, and it was his first time, too. we went into one of the cornfields in his truck after a big fire party. there were always the biggest parties on fourth of july, but i just wanted to be with him.” you pause and look out the windshield and his thumb is still a warm feeling over the pulse of your wrist. “we kept seeing each other that summer. but then i went to college and so did he and… well, the rest happened. i don’t know what happened to him. but i like to believe that he’s somewhere out there and when he starts getting nostalgic, he tells his…” you look at joel. “whoever his you is, and he smiles a little. i just hope that.”

he squeezes your wrist, once more, before he lets go to put both hands on the wheel. he pulls off and you recognize that he’s pulling into the parking lot of a boarded up church, and god if that isn’t hilariously ironic. “thank you,” he says after you’re parked, looking right into your eyes. “i hope that, too.”

hope. what a funny thing.

[rex101111]

Ratchet and Clank size matters got added to the PSN store and I got a a major nostalgia pang so I went "eh, why not" and quickly played through it. And I do mean quickly, I know it was a PSP title but dang, last time I finished a R&C game this quick i played Nexus. Anyway, the thing that struck me about this game is that Ratchet is...a bit of an asshole here. And that struck me as odd because for the last few entries...he isn't.

Like this is still early series Ratchet, still on the PS2/PSP, released just before the first PS3 title, which was in retrospect a bit of an incredibly soft reboot. In the newer games, Ratchet is a fairly straight forward protag, nice, willing to help, only a little bit sarcastic if he's really strapped for time or dealing with someone especially annoying. Early Ratchet? Early Ratchet was a jackass, a dick, a selfish, quick tempered loner that only went on this quest because there was a tangible, direct benefit to him specifically. Seriously, in the first game Ratchet couldn't go two sentences without insulting somebody, and that's when he's in a good mood. In act 2 he's even worse, gnashing his teeth at everyone he talks to and threatening to sell Clank for scrap. It takes hours of in game time and half a dozen levels before Ratchet finally chills out, and a few more levels before he actually resolves to act like any sort of hero, and even that only happens after something he personally cares about gets threatened. Ratchet could give a damn, he can be convinced to help people, but he's still a selfish person who needs the situation rubbed in his nose before he realizes how dire it is. Clank having faith in him, throughout the entire game, even when he's being a dick, even when Clank himself is furious with him, meant something. When in the penultimate level he says "that's the Ratchet I always knew was there" and Ratchet brushes him off, you buy it, that beneath this sharp outside there's someone with the capacity to be a hero, an actual hero, a hero who isn't selfless, but one capable of overcoming his selfishness when it matters most.

Back when the first game came out, people complained about this, about their platformer mascot protag being a huge dick, and even the very next game addressed this by toning him down a smidge, but Ratchet in the PS2 trilogy is still very much not a perfect sunshine person. He's very sarcastic, pretty cynical, is very quick to call other people on their bullshit, and still has a very short temper. (Plasma city, anyone?) Ratchet had texture to him, he bounced off the much more straightforwardly nice Clank in a lot of ways, their friendship felt like it had weight and meant something because these two had so many differences between them that the fact they did get along so well and cared about each other so much showed that their friendship was genuine. I like the newer Ratchet and Clank games, played every one of them, but I've never been really happy with the direction they took with Ratchet. Each game made him nicer, friendlier, smoothing down his edges. And the reboot game had it the worst, they retold the first story, where Ratchet was at his worst and a major thread of the plot was him learning to get over his bullshit, but had the sanded down kitty cat of the later games instead of having confidence in their early work. Dickhead Ratchet worked, he had a place and it gave him a place to grow, while still maintaining his inherit sharpness. Ratchet should get to be an asshole again, just for a bit, let him get angry, properly. Sure, he's a hero who's saved two galaxies three times over and then some, but he did that while being a sarcastic little shit who made a joke about a plumber's ass crack showing and fired rockets at people while complaining about how high the prices are everywhere he went.

I dunno, maybe its a bit too late in the game to say this, but something got lost in the shuffle a while back, and getting a reminder of what was simply put it into perspective for me.

[lurking-gyomei-fan]

Yakuza!Hashira AU Thoughts

This has been floating in my head for a very long time and I finally compiled my thoughts on what role would each Hashira play if they were in a yakuza group. ...I also didn't research too heavily into the actual structure of the yakuza so please don't come at me for that lol Feel free to use these ideas also, but I'd love to read or see what you do with them.

Beware of long post- don't say I didn't warn you.

These ideas play more into the chivalry aspect of Yakuza. The government has too much red tape and is unable to enforce any meaningful rules or changes in the community.  They also cannot be mobilized as fast as the yakuza, who often take matters into their own hands to provide immediate results.  The government/police view the other yakuza and the underworld as a necessary evil and impossible to truly eradicate, and would much rather deal with the Ubuyashiki's group because they are much more reasonable...but every once in a while they need to be reminded why the Ubuyashiki Group has lasted for centuries.

The Ubuyashiki group is an old, powerful group in the Underworld, but not the oldest- that would belong to the 12 Kizuki group that is run by Muzan Kibutsuji.  The Ubuyashiki group was a sub sect of the Kizuki group a century ago, but in a violent and bloody revolt, they separated and ruled over a different area instead.  They have clashed multiple times throughout history, but time and modern technology has mellowed out their conflict into a small but intense rivalry. 

Ubuyashiki clan: 

Kagaya Ubuyashiki: The sickly but charismatic head of the clan, assisted by his wife Amane who steps in during days when he is too sick.  (Please note that Kagaya is older for the sake of this AU.)

Usually women are not held in high regard amongst yakuza, but in the Ubuyashiki clan, women are treated as equal.  Amane is a true partner and extension of Kagaya’s will. Between Kagaya’s incredible foresight and direction, and Amane’s poise and organization, they have built the Ubuyashiki clan to its strongest point in its entire history.   Other Yakuza clans have tried to slow the explosive growth of their clan by dismissing Amane during meetings when she is present, but she is fiercely defended by all of the Hashira. 

Gyomei-  Second in command; Punishment / Rule enforcer.   He is the external representative when it's too dangerous for Lady Amane to fill in for Kagaya.   When Kagaya is present, he acts as the main bodyguard. He is the most trusted confidant for both Amane and Kagaya, and will occasionally watch their kids so they can have a date within the compound. 

Gyomei had grown up in an orphanage where food was regularly witheld as a form as punishment, and funds were embezzled to fund the principal's lavish lifestyle. Gyomei relied heavily on religion to give hope to the other children and stay strong in the cruel environment they lived in. Gyomei would often go hungry to give food to the smaller kids, and used his tall build to physically shield them when the adults would vent out their frustrations on them. It was during such a night when one of the "caretakers" was in a violent, drunken spree and Gyomei was forced into a life or death situation. In that moment, he chose to save the children and himself-and beat the attacker to death with his bare hands.

Ubuyashiki's group happened to arrive that evening, intending to collect the gambling debts of the principal and other staff, even ready to charge a higher rate after discovering the origin of the funds and the extent of the abuse- but walked into a homicide scene instead. Kagaya sensed the physical and emotional strength within Gyomei, who had resolved himself to be turned in to the police for his crime, and convinced Gyomei to join his group in exchange for taking over the management of the orphanage and covering up the death of the caretaker.

10 years later, he is akin to a judge with the highest level of authority within the Group (other than Kagaya and Amane) to decide how punishment is to be rendered or how a high level conflict is to be resolved, especially for internal matters or people within their own organization. Despite his intimidating presence and powerful frame, he is patient and fair. He is diligently follows the laws that Kagaya put in place, and continues to be pious despite the sometimes gruesome nature of his job. He has a large, intricate tattoo of a serene Buddha on his back.

Sanemi- main external punishment enforcer.  In charge of handling external conflicts with rival groups, or hunting down people with outstanding debts to the group. Leads the most violent group and is well known on the streets and instantly recognizable from all the scars he has gained from the many fights he had been involved in through the years. Sanemi also has connections with the police department via Genya, who works for the police department with his friends, Tanjiro, Zenitsu, and Inosuke. 

Sanemi was desperate to keep his family afloat after the death of his abusive father and taking care of his mother, who had become mentally unwell. Sanemi had found himself in a similar situation to Gyomei- forced to save his family one night, wrestling with his mother to prevent her from hurting her own children during an unusual fit of violent mania. It had happened so quickly that no one could tell what happened. She might have tripped over the futon; or perhaps she lost her footing on the tatami mat or on the slick pool of blood that had dripped from Genya's facial wound- but regardless of how, she ended up falling out of their 4 story apartment window and slipping into a coma after crashing onto the roof of a parked car.

With the medical debts rising and already saddled with the debts from his deceased father, Sanemi turned to the Yakuza to get cash quick and take care of the immediate needs of their family, and eventually he would discretely pay for his mother's hospital bills under the guise of a charity organization. Knowing that any association with the yakuza could harm the wellbeing and social standing of his siblings, Sanemi intentionally lashed out at them so they would leave and find new lives elsewhere. Only Genya stayed, worried about his brother and knowing that he shouldered their entire family burden. Sanemi continued to harshly push away Genya to keep him away from the Underworld, and nearly had an aneurysm when he saw Genya roaming around with a rival yakuza group- only to find out (courtesy of being tackled by Tanjiro lol) that Genya was working deep undercover for the police. Deep down, Sanemi is proud of his brother for finding his own way and having a legitimate job. Despite his angry bluster, Sanemi would take extra pains to secretly ensure Genya’s safety as he continues his undercover missions. (The rest of the Hashira know. They just don't say anything because they're tired of hearing him scream his denial.)

Tengen- head of information gathering.   He compiles reports to give to Kagaya/Amane.  His 3 wives are in charge of multiple avenues of information: one to keep track of internal investigations (alleged wrong doing, checking for spies, etc), 2 others for tailing people/undercover work, and processing all the data by working with Muichiro’s team. Tengen himself will go out on investigation missions if needed.   He also owns multiple high class escort clubs and bars, perfect grounds for finding the latest juicy gossip. He also runs several flashy entertainment companies ranging from legit show business to shell companies.

Muichiro- head of digital/cyber security and hacking.  A prodigy with an incredible ability to process information and create programs that can sift through an ungodly amount of data.  The team under Muichiro handles offensive cyber attacks and regular upkeep on their digital security.  Muichiro finds it fun to hack into some rival companies owned by the Kizuki Group and lock some of their accounts.  They know it's him because it forces them to play a near impossible password game...and it helps that there is a chibi icon of him with an akanbe expression.  Muichiro has caused them great financial pain because they have to keep buying more resources to get around his cyber attacks.

Obanai- Main arms dealer/broker.   Obanai uses his familial connection with the underworld to provide a steady supply of weapons and defensive supplies, and handles the logistics of securing the supply chain along with his partner and lover, Mitsuri. 

His family had been a sub group of the Ubuyashiki clan, choosing to follow the Ubuyashiki Group during the split with the Kizuki Group. They made many connections through the years, and would ruthlessly exploit anyone and everyone- including their own children. His family had become overly greedy and arrogant, believing their vast connections would help them succeed in overthrowing the previous head of the Ubuyashiki group, but they were discovered before the coup could be completed. They had tried to set up Obanai, their own child, as the instigator- but Kagaya, the young master who had taken charge of the incident on behalf of his father knew the truth: the person who had reported the family's misdeeds was Obanai himself, after catching wind of their plan to sacrifice him if their coup failed.

Obanai struggled for a while with the guilt of destroying his own family with his admission, but knew that it was the best action. Witnessing Mitsuri's positive outlook and her love of life allowed him to be at peace with his decision, easing the guilt of removing himself from a toxic family situation and finding joy in the small, quiet victories in daily living. He often wears a face mask because of a facial scar given by his family, a last form of physical torture before they were dispatched for good by Gyomei under Kagaya's orders. He also wears the face mask because mitsuri gave it to him and it was better than the wide strips of cloth he was using before.

Obanai dotes on his pet white snake, Kabamaru, who is often seen draped about his shoulders. There was a time when Gyomei was very upset because Kabamaru had gotten out of his room one evening and got dangerously close to some stray kittens that Gyomei was not so secretly fond of.

Mitsuri- head of supply and distributing; also manages legitimate cover front.   Her team works with Obanai to provide other basic supplies for the group and arranges transportation and  deliveries by using her food business to camouflage the underground trade. Was almost scouted to be a j-pop music idol but she liked food too much. 

It was for the better, because the company that tried to scout her was actually a front for adult films. They would pretend to hire young and beautiful girls with the promise of helping them debut as an idol girl group, only to exploit and traffic them. The management company that tried to scout Mitsuri tried to pressure her to sign with them by harassing her parent's small convenience store. Tengen, who has huge sway in the entertainment industry did not appreciate a small group having the audacity to try to do business in his territory, without even the courtesy of introducing themselves. Tengen and his wives ruthlessly exposed them after a week of research and inadvertently saved Mitsuri's parents.

Inspired by how cool Tengen and his wives were when they swooped in to save the day, Mitsuri decided she wanted to help prevent girls from falling for the same scheme that nearly ruined her. Her family also gave their thanks and decided to back the Ubuyashiki group, considering they saved their beloved daughter and responded faster than the police, who had dismissed them outright. Because of the nature of her role with the Group, she found herself working together with Obanai often. After months of courting, they officially became a couple.

Kyojuro- legitimate cover front; assists with finding other assets like promising business ventures, real estate, etc.  Has a great relation with the police force and within the community and city.   His business is sometimes used to help launder money, but he is far more useful being on the right side of the law. That isn't to say that Kyo isn't willing to get his hands dirty if it means the safety of the group and civilians- he is very competent and efficient in making rival groups disappear.

Kyo has an incredible buisness sense; he is able to quickly assess and rapidly consider the pros and cons of a situation, the boldness to confidently make a decision in the heat of the moment and with expert timing, and the foresight to create the opportunities to help himself or his clients shine.  Kyo is passionate about the community he serves, and wholeheartedly believes that building others up is how entire comunities grow exponentially. His companies often fund charities and law firms dedicated to helping low income victims find legal justice. He is regularly invited to speak at schools or colleges and other community functions to inspire others. Kyo is proud of his family's long history of working with the Ubuyashiki family to keep the balance between regular society and the underworld.   

Giyuu- Bookkeeper, Head of Finance.  He is in charge of keeping track of the money flow in and out of the group.  He is detail oriented and hard working. He has a hard time communicating his thoughts so he'd rather not speak much, but he doesn't mind other people's company.  Not easily swayed and hard to bribe, he takes his job seriously and efficiently. He is, however, weak towards acts of kindness or favors done for him, and will generously return those ten fold. Most department heads dislike him purely because they must constantly make their case on why they need more budget, and Giyuu makes them submit the proper paperwork and will review it meticulously, even sending the paperwork back if its incomplete and staring placidly back at the person who inevitably comes into his office yelling expletives at him for it.  The quarterly arguments with Sanemi regarding higher budgets for external raids are explosive, and Gyomei regularly needs to step in to settle Sanemi down.  

Kanae- Head of medical division.  Can also harvest organs with a smile :)  Is well connected and obtains medical supplies through their cover front organization called 'The Butterfly Mansion’, where they assist children in need for complicated medical cases.  Together with Shinobu, they’ve been able to make great medical advancements for childhood cures.   

Shinobu- drug maker/identifyer, responsible for identifying tampered or dangerous drugs. She is the head of the research and pharmaceutical division of The Butterfly Mansion. While the Ubuyashiki group does not prevent its sub groups from distributing drugs, there are rules that are heavily enforced: no distribution of tampered or mixed drugs, no selling to minors, and adults are responsible for their own debts.  If they can't pay, they go after any asset owned by the debtor.  If all they have left is the family, they can “negotiate” (still forcing, let's be real) with the family to work and payback the initial amount with a fixed interest and a payback time that depends on how badly the debtor fucked up.  Payback means working for the group as a servant/mule/supplier, or whatever capacity they feel they can assist with.  The Ubuyashiki group aren't the type to cut off fingers, (what good is a severed finger to them?), but they will beat your ass to teach a lesson.  Aoi and girls also work as internal supply distributors, and they assist with daily upkeep at the Butterfly Mansion.

Shinobu and Kanae were children of a wealthy doctor who was well respected in the medical community. Dr. Kocho believed in the oath he took as a doctor and did not turn away anyone in need of medical care. He was a secret friend to the previous head of the Ubuyashiki head, who had approached him to help his deathly sick son, Kagaya. While Dr. Kocho was unable to fully cure Kagaya and he would remain sickly for the rest of his life, he was at least out of danger of imminent death. Kagaya's father was moved by Dr. Kocho's dedication to his son despite being of a yakuza family, and they became life long friends. He even visited and celebrated with Dr. Kocho's family after Kanae and Shinobu were born. Kagaya's father avenged his friend by mercilessly destroying the group that had ambushed Dr. Kocho and kidnapped his daughters, and mobilizing his entire group to track down and secure the little girls. Gyomei was part of the group that infiltrated the enemy group and personally carried young Shinobu on his back and lead Kanae by the hand amidst an intense firefight, protecting them the entire way to the extraction point. From that point on, the two have been under the direct protection of the head of the Ubuyashiki Group.

Those are all my thoughts for now-feel free to use these ideas if you want but I'd love to be tagged in your work to see how its utilized. any likes/reblogs are also appreciated. :)

[itsclydebitches]

There's something I find pretty messed up about Little's part of the story. Penny is dead. The story puts focus on this and how it's effecting Ruby and is why Little's death is what breaks Ruby. The volume ends though with Little coming back so it's a happy end, right? Except Penny is still dead and never coming back. And they are going back to a world where people die when they are killed. It's like "Forget about your dead friend cause we got one where your actions don't have consequences."

Yeah, that's an issue with the Ascension arc as a whole. As discussed previously, we're already starting from a place of confusing messages because the world can't decide what Ascension exactly is. Some beings lose all their memories and (arguably as a result) their sense of self. Some just seem to get cool upgrades. Some change in such monumental ways they probably can't go back to their old life even if they wanted to (can Somewhat ever live with the other mice again now that they're like fifty times their size?). And some, Like Ruby, undergo no changes at all except a convenient and ambiguous ~emotional clarity~

So Ascension is a catch-all "Anything could happen" situation where all options, no matter how shady they appear to the audience, are eventually presented as #good by the show... except I'm 100% sure they only come across that way BECAUSE they happen to side characters we're not invested in/are leaving behind. Would people honestly have been happy if Ruby:

Completely forgot who she was (King)

Got some crazy physical upgrade that would fundamentally change the power dynamics of the show/other her in Remnant/imply that she's a faunus to strangers if she got some animal trait (the Caterpillar/Somewhat)

Came away with a new "purpose" and decided she didn't want to be a Huntress anymore (the Paper Pleasers)

There's a reason Ruby did not change except to inexplicably regain her confidence because the show and on some level recognizes that these options are indeed an awful kind of "death," something that would be bad to do to your main character (baring a monumental shift in the show). When we talk about the importance of growth (in real life and in fiction) we're referencing a context in which a person changes slowly over time, adapting to each change in a natural way, all of it a combination of environmental factors and personal agency. To just have some magical tree instantly change you without consent, making you "better" by its own, undefined parameters... that's not wonderful, that's horrifying! But as you say, even if we overlook all that and come at Ascension from a direction the story wants, accepting and praising such an aspect of this world... Team RWBY doesn't live in that world. What did they learn from this then? Yay for people who live in alternate realities because they get to become "better" rather than dying? Good for them, but our friends are still dead and our lives are still on the line.

If RWBY wanted this arc they not only needed to reeeeeally clean up what Ascension is/how it works, but decide on the message they're trying to impart. Because what we got, on a literal level, is Ruby being depressed enough to choose ending (that version of) her life, instead being rewarded for that choice by a pantheon she's kinda fighting against (in a way that both skips her development and ignores every other implied rule of Ascension), and is returning to a world where none of this matters because death is a Permanent Thing That She's Going to Be Seeing a Whole Lot More of Soon.

Penny is dead. Many other allies are dead. Weiss' Kingdom is gone. Salem is set to exterminate the rest of Remnant, and instead of dealing with any of that Volume 9 gave Team RWBY a (literal) fantasy world where everything is just fine, actually. Wouldn't it be cool if no one actually died and whenever it seems like they did they'd just come back as an upgraded version of themselves? Yeah! Too bad that's not the reality they're heading back to.

Honestly, the way to clean up all of Volume 9 for me is to slap a "It was just a dream" disclaimer on it. Volume 10 we learn that Ruby had a crazy, contradictory fever dream post-battle in which the biggest trauma she's ever faced is magically fixed by her subconscious? Yeah, that tracks. More than taking Volume 9 at face value.

[captainhunnicutt]

One of my all time favorite episodes is "The Yalu Brick Road," and sure, part of it is because it's written by Mike - but I think it's also a really interesting study in how BJ uses humor to diffuse any sort of situation. I should preface all of this with, yes, I understand this is an episode that is pure sitcom comedy. The absurdity of the situation is the humor, and we all knew that nothing drastic was ever going to happen to Hawkeye and BJ. They weren't going to die, and even if they actually got captured - they would make it back to the 4077. I suppose there's an argument to be made that by Henry dying, it opened up a world of possibilities where any member of the 4077th wasn't safe - but I've yet to come across someone who truly believed Hawkeye and BJ weren't going to come out of this situation in any other way besides comedic flare.

It's no secret that I think BJ stands out as a character whose complexity goes beyond the surface of his seemingly laid-back demeanor. I think there's a lot of reasons why he appears that way, but maybe it's not a true and accurate representation of him as a whole - but that's another post for another time. In "The Yalu Brick Road," the idea that Hawkeye and BJ are almost captured by Ralph (a single North Korean), who in turn actually wants to be captured by Americans... and they all mutually surrender to one another is just absurd. It's a perfect sitcom plot line. It takes something potentially serious and flips it on its head and makes it ridiculous.

As drafted doctors, one might think that BJ and Hawkeye's reactions to every situation from the time the jeep wrecks is so absurd and unrealistic - and to an extent it is. While I've never been a drafted doctor, I can't imagine that I would remain as calm as they both did. I think it could also be argued that BJ's character was notoriously "calm" and "collected," and his reactions to everything might not have seemed entirely out of character. But... why is that? What is it about what makes BJ tick that makes the calmness in the most absurd situation actually work?

I think it's because Mike recognized that BJ's calmness is rooted in several fundamental parts of his character - starting first with his general professionalism and competence. He's a highly skilled surgeon (yes, Hawkeye is as well and anything that I say is not to negate anything about Hawkeye. I am just explaining my opinion on why Mike made the choices he did for BJ and only BJ.) I think when you're as confident in your skills as BJ was, that easily translates into a steady demeanor under pressure. He can't perform in the OR if he's a nervous mess. It's how he gets out of tight situations - and maybe subconsciously those same methods are applied in the face of either a.) potentially captures or b.) being lost in the middle of a war. I guess what I'm saying is that this level of professionalism is a cornerstone of BJ's character, and it's not really surprising that it would extend to moments of potentially personal danger.

The Korean War presented an array of horrific and absurd situations, and humor becomes a vital coping mechanism for all of those at the 4077th. I've often wondered if the wildness of the A-plot in Yalu is Mike's way of commenting on the absurdity of war in general. How 99% of the situations that these men, women, and children found themselves in is because of the insanity of others. That it is absolutely absurd to think of a war as anything other that blatantly insane, and there are real people impacted and facing ridiculous decisions and situations day in and day out. And that sometimes, the only thing we can do to maintain our sanity is to laugh. By cracking jokes, by being sarcastic, by being himself - BJ shields himself from the potentially overwhelming fear and stress of the situation that could easily consume him. Instead of firing bullets to keep himself safe, he's firing off quips and jokes. It's the one trait of his that never waivers throughout the entire series - and one of the main reasons Yalu works.

The absurdities (I am so sorry for reusing this word as much as I have) of war and touching on them throughout the series helps balance the line between comedy and really tragedy, and showing how the characters cope with the bizarre reality of their situations hits in different ways for different people. BJ's ability to find humor in the absolute absurdity in Yalu, and just the war in general, is a reflection of this broader theme throughout MASH.

I think the fact that he was going through all of the potential danger and fear alongside Hawkeye helped BJ respond and react in the most typical BJ way possible. No reaction. Nothing out of the ordinary. I think the presence of Hawkeye was a significant factor in BJ's overall calmness. Their connection runs deep, and it's not even about Beejhawk. Whether you ship them together or you don't - it's very hard to deny that their connection exists and that they really help keep the other tethered to reality and focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. I think on some level, BJ just knew that as long as Hawkeye was right there with him, and going through everything as well, they will get out of every situation. He draws strength from their relationship, and sometimes I think this was Mike's way of giving a nod to Alan for welcoming him with open arms, for fostering a community where people could grow and take risks and learn new things, and for just being his friend. The bond between Mike and Alan wouldn't exist without the bond between BJ and Hawkeye, and I think Mike deliberately putting the characters in a potentially really bad situation - but coming out of it unscathed and together - speaks volumes.

"The Yalu Brick Road" is, in my opinion, one of the funnier episodes - but I really love and appreciate that Mike knew exactly who BJ was and knew exactly how BJ would react - and nothing felt weird or out of place. None of it felt forced. The reactions felt aligned with the character arcs, and Mike's ultimate vision of who BJ was and who BJ was going to become.

I also love that Mike saw an opportunity to put Alan in a sidecar and without hesitating took it. Such a BJ move.

[whchenlvr]

omgg hellooooo ! just had an idea for a hc and was wondering if u could write about it!! so the hc would be about the union boys dating the reader but they gotta keep it secret bc they are kinda afraid someone would use their gf as blackmail or hurt them eventho they can defend their so (i hope u get me hfjfj) and if u wanna do one with the eunjang boys i thought they probably could be dating someone who is close to the union or wtv !! its up to u ofc

secretly dating him ;

weak hero x fem!reader

donald na

➤ he’s scared. like genuinely terrified by the thought of anyone finding out who you are, especially since he just declared war against eunjang, and his union is falling apart

➤ you’re thankful that he feels safe enough with you to confide these thoughts to you, and you know how dangerous it can be for him

➤ before, he would have kept your relationship a secret to show his strength, but now, he’s unsure how far people will be willing to go to hurt him, and he doesn’t want to take any chances with you

➤ sometimes it makes you sad that you have to sneak around, but despite all that, he treats you like a princess

➤ “y/n, do you want to rent a movie?” “want me to order us some dinner, darling? or would you prefer if i cooked for you?”

➤ it’s definitely not always easy, but donald makes you feel you feel safe and loved no matter the situation <3

gray yeon

➤ he didn’t mean to fall for you. he didn’t want to, either

➤ you were someone close to the union. the only reason gray contacted you was in hopes of you being able to help him in taking the union down, and though you refused, you found his ambition attractive

➤ you decided to help him after wolf betrayed the union by joining eunjang. it was the perfect opportunity for you to play both fields, and you did

➤ “i overheard kingsley say he was going to try and have ben abducted before the fight to make it seem like he ditched you guys.” “what? where do they plan to take him?”

➤ you take part in helping your boyfriend train eunjang to fight against the union; giving them little tips and tricks about each member they may have to fight

➤ when gray has every possible outcome thought up and planned in his head, he sits you down and finally takes a second to breathe. “what if this doesn’t work?” you knit your brows in confusion and look at him as he continued, “will you be okay?”

➤ you have to assume him that nothing will happen to you, just like how nothing will happen to wolf. you don’t know how true that really is, but it’s enough to calm gray

ben park

➤ he saved you, and now you feel you’re returning the favor

➤ you’d been wanting to leave the union for years, but it’s impossible with your family ties. because of this, you had to keep your relationship with ben a secret

➤ you thought it would be ben trying harder to keep you a secret, but it turns out to be the opposite in your case

➤ you’re so worried that ben will get hurt if anyone finds out you’re dating. the part of the union you’re affiliated with isn’t as forgiving as the portions under donald

➤ “y/n… i hate seeing you stress yourself out with this… it isn’t healthy.” “ben, i won’t let anything happen to you… i wouldn’t survive if it did and it was my fault.” “aw, baby. lucky for us, i’m pretty good at protecting myself.”

➤ still, you’d be triple checking everything whenever you go out with ben, and even scan your room with a bug detector before talking to him on the phone

jake ji

➤ after what happened with his brother kenny, jake doesn’t like talking about the people he loves and cares about with anyone. not even his closest friends in the union

➤ he thinks it’s too dangerous, too much of a risk, and you can only agree as you know how devastated jake was to hear about his brother

➤ you do your best to stay safe and cautious when you meet jake, but he is on a completely other level of paranoid

➤ sometimes, you have to sit him down and take his face in your hands and remind him that you’re safe and nothing is going to happen to either of you. and if it does, it isn’t his fault

➤ that always seems to calm him down until another situation happens. like the time you thought you were being followed and it turned out to be a random student who wanted to compliment your shoes

➤ despite how nervous he can be, jake never hesitates to make sure you feel comfortable at all times. “i kind of want to go out tonight… can we?” “yes, of course y/n. i’m sorry for being so annoying lately.”

gerard jin

➤ you were named the leader of yoosun high after jimmy lost to ben. donald wanted to put someone he trusts in place to teach jimmy a lesson, and he chose you

➤ unfortunately, you’d been seeing the lead singer of slam for nearly a year beneath the union’s nose

➤ while you were quite proud of yourself and gerard for not getting caught, there were a lot more eyes on you now than ever, and you found yourself constantly looking over your shoulder

➤ you don’t know this, but donald had you followed when you first joined the union and knew all about you and gerard. he didn’t tell anyone for three reasons: 1. he trusted you. 2. he didn’t see gerard as a threat to the union. 3. if things did take a turn for the worst, he wanted to see how your story would play out

➤ “what would you do it they found out about us?” gerard would ask as he plays with your fingers, and you’d just sigh. “i don’t know. but i wouldn’t let them tear us apart. i don’t care about eunjang, or yoosun, or the union. all i care about is that you and i are safe.”

➤ fortunately, the secret of you and gerard is one donald keeps with him until the end </3

wolf keum

➤ you were an anomaly in wolf’s life, and he liked to keep it that way

➤ he never had any big secrets. if there was something on his mind that he wanted, he’d get it. he wasn’t quiet in the way he did things, so it’s not like people weren’t always in his business. that was, until you

➤ you were so unlike anything wolf had seen before. you were truly good, through and through, and wolf refused to let his private life corrupt you in any way

➤ not only was wolf keeping you a secret from the union, but he was keeping the union a secret from you

➤ “you trust me, don’t you?” “of course i do, wolf. should i not?” “no, you should. if anyone comes up to you and asks if you know me, you know to tell the no, right?” “right.”

[stormdragon23]

>:3

Questions 8 and 22 for Choi Jongin 🦊❤

You sure know which questions get a long response alksdjfa

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Quite a few things. Off the top of my head, one thing I'm not a fan of is Jongin spending money extravagantly. I haven't really seen this in fics, but it does pop up quite a lot when I hear people talking about him. I understand that he would be rich as an S-Rank, especially as the guild master of the largest guild in Korea, but I don't think he would buy the most expensive thing out there just because of its price. I do think he'll have a strong preference for high-quality items, and they may happen to be expensive, but it wouldn't be the main reason why he buys them. So hearing about him getting "the most expensive suit" or getting someone "a very expensive gift" isn't a good description of what he got and makes him appear rather shallow. I would prefer if what he got was described by the quality rather than the price tag since the most expensive doesn't always mean the best

The question only asked for one, but I like you, so you get another >:3

Another thing I don't like is anything to do with Jongin praising or speaking highly of himself. I know he's confident in what he can do, but he has never been shown to boast in canon (as far as I know). Anything he states that sounds like boasting is actually fact. Him being known as the Ultimate Hunter? True. Him having the largest guild in Korea? Also true. But he has never directly said anything like "I'm better than you" or has been condescending in any way (correct me if I'm wrong.) He may sound like he's bragging when talking about his status and such, but it is all true. In fact, he, in a way, brings himself down to other people's level and speaks to them as if they were equal, even though someone of his status has no need to do so. So every time I see people have him clearly speak down to people (anyone, even those he doesn't like), especially S-Ranks, I'm just like :/ I get insults, but I don't think Jongin is the type to say it directly to someone's face. I think it would be indirect, a hidden meaning in his words that you need to think about to understand

There are a bunch more, but they can be saved for later hehe

Gah, that was only the first question. There's still another-

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

I haven't really read many fics with Jongin recently, but the more recent fics I've read show Jongin being able to analyze a situation quickly and react accordingly. I don't see this very often (mostly because there are already very few fics of Jongin that I can find and take the time to read), so seeing it is always very nice <3 Jongin is shown to have experience in doing this, so seeing it be incorporated in fics and expanded on makes me glad. Especially when Jongin's feelings are shown to be different from the ones he expresses to those around him

One thing I dislike is whenever Jongin loses control of his emotions, at least in front of other people. Shouting seems out of character for him as I think he would have a calming voice for the most part. I had a headcanon where Jongin can handle his emotions very well in the heat of the moment, but when the feeling starts to linger for a while, it might be visible in subtle ways, like him clenching his jaw and clutching something tighter than usual. I think Jongin is generally a stoic person who smiles to hide his true feelings, which is why I don't understand fics that show him shouting or throwing something out of anger. The only times he is shown to expressing his emotions strongly is if he knows he could die or heard about someone else almost dying. Very rarely is it out of frustration and even then, he doesn't lose it in public

I'll stop here for now because there's more questions I need to answer alksdfja

I'm very passionate about things related to Choi Jongin haha

Eh, close enough

From the ask game here

[theomnicode]

Who is Blast? How to character build step by step

Warning: Long post, tl;dr at the bottom

We've seen more and more of Blast lately, so Blast appears far less enigmatic in the manga compared to his webcomic self. I do like it personally that such a character is slowly dripfeeded to us so we grown to understand this character more and more in little instances.

One of the first proper appearances of Blast (besides silhouette) in the manga is when he appears as a memory to Amai-mask and helps him calm down, full space suit and cape and all sans his current glasses, which would put him before he sent Empty void packing in the timeline and snatched his glasses. (Chapter 135: Disgrace and fundamentals)

His second appearance is when he comes to save kid Tatsumaki from her cell and he seems to be doing something extraordinary there. (Chapter 137: Resonance.)

Blast may have the ability to read minds or surface thoughts or emphatic bonding with a person, in order to clearly see that Tatsumaki has a younger sister, and then encourages Tatsumaki to take care of her. It may be related to Blast sixth sense which allowed him to sense dimensional blade coming from hyperspace.

However, he also gives Tatsumaki some bad advice, being so independent hero who surfs across galaxies or something with his gang, he just told Tatsumaki to deal with her problems on her own and not rely on others. That can be quite damaging for a small child who still needs parental guidance. That and he does not seem know how to treat little kids in general. Sure, he may be speaking from experience but Genos came to Tatsumaki's aid and proved him wrong.

So far, he's still seemingly competent and kind enough, if a bit too independent and rough around the edges. He tries to be caring but does not seem to always know how, at least around little kids like Tatsu was.

His third proper appearance is when he comes to save Saitama, Flashy flash and Manako from the god's chamber where time moves slower when he portals inside. (Chapter 139: Abyss)

He seems equal amount concerned, confident in his abilities and little playful from the way he spins the cube. Not to mention powerful because the cube is extremely heavy and he can seemingly make it ignore gravity altogether. Blast hasn't shown us many abilities as of yet but you can tell this guy is very strong from the way he completely outblitzed Flashy Flash and portals like it's nobodys business. That alongside his sensing ability makes him quite powerful.

Blast then proceeds to portal our underground heroes back to ground level.

Blast appears once more in concern of Tatsumaki who had just been visited by OPM God and he's amazed and proud that Tatsumaki resisted OPM God's invitation for power. (Chapter 156: Divine Retribution). He acts like a surrogate dad to Tatsumaki, though whether they actually have any kind of familiar relationship is unknown, even if he told Saitama and flashy to say hi to them in his stead. .

Still a mystery how this kind of powerful dude got so many wounds in such short period of time, but he seems to imply that he had been fighting OPM God itself to hold it back. Blast honestly has middle-aged dad vibes at this point and seems pretty competent at his job. He has plenty battle scars to prove his experience of actually making it back home from even difficult fights and live for another day.

Blast gets some proper amount of screentime during the Garou fight however, where he and his strong abilities really starts to shine.

First thing he does is state the facts that Garou could possibly destroy the entire planet and its inhabitants and he needs to know how to proceed with the fight, because there will be less blood shed if Garou just came quietly to his portal. He goes straight to the point and does not mess around but he's also decent at negotiating. (Chapter 166: Squared)

Blast also asseses the situation fairly quickly, despite having only been on the scene for no more than few minutes, which makes it fairly obvious that he has a keen mind too. So far he seems like a kind, competent, strong, reliable and smart hero and no wonder he's 1# hero in OPM world.

When Genos attacks, Blast takes that opportunity to attack Garou back with his Gravity Knuckles and make him release his hostage in one go, that belays his strategic mind and he even manages to pummel Garou into his portal and shuts it. It could have worked too, if Garou just wasn't able to instantly copy everything, which was something Blast could not have accounted for. When Garou attacks with consecutive nuclear fission and gravity knuckles in tandem, Blast is still fast enough to portal direct them into the air and then suction the nuclear devastation inside another portal, proving he's also decently good at multitasking.

Blast also has his priorities straight when he wants to transfer everyone in the vicinity out first so they don't end up dying from radiation, showing he can still operate with sound mind even when under duress. Yet the one thing he is lacking in because he's so independant that he does not seemingly want to ask for help.

At this point, someone should have to be summoned keep Garou busy while he portals everyone away, because he really can't focus on doing both at the same time, with Garou being so strong, even if he were good at multitasking. Blast has leadership capabilities, but he does not know or want to delegate, even if he does not seem to be prideful or boasty about his own abilities.

Things are seemingly going his way but then...then his heroic persona seems to get little cracks on it, because he sure as hell did not bail out Genos for a second time. Maybe because he thought Genos was already dead before he could react when Garou pulled his core away? Who knows...but all Saitama saw was that everyone was dead and Genos was torn in half, with Blast standing there doing nothing. The least he could have done is not let Garou practically desecrate Genos's body like that, which could have been enough to actually save him too.

Not very heroic of him, with his space-time manipulation abilities.

Especially considering he has fast enough relfexes to make a barrier around Saitama and Garou during Serious Punch squared and portal them away before they could destroy the Earth. Doesn't really add up or make logical sense to me that Blast would just abandon Genos, but what is done is done.

Blast appears once more when Flash, Saitama and Manako go to meet with Sitch to ask if they can talk to Blast and he just happens to be there because they are experimenting with humans turned monsters to see if they can be turned back into humans.

Blast has taken note of Saitama's abnormal strenght in a good way, but he's also thinking about assessing him because he did not sense any malice in Saitama. (Chapter 195: Tenninto)

Interesting ability to note that Blast seems to confirm here that he has some kind of emotional/emphatic sensing ability, because he can sense malice and also Empty Void's attack from hyperspace later. Just overall some kind of sixth sense he also used to see that Tatsu had a younger sister when he touched her head and read her mind in some fashion or maybe sensed emotional connection.

Blast rebuffs Flashy's attempts to join the hunt on OPM God, because he is both independent, does not think Flash is ready for such a clash and he's also feeling responsible for the kids taken by Ninja villages. (Chapter 196: Threat)

However, the timeline just does not add up. Flash is already 25 years old and he was born in the ninja village, while Blast has been said to have fought OPM god for 20 years and fought and wounded Empty Void 15 years ago. Meanwhile, Empty Void is the ninja village founder, so Blast must've known about this.

He's also seen to be buddy buddy with Empty void before his monsterization, but Empty Void was the village leader all this time and Blast never did anything about it, well, except maybe hold hands with the devil itself. Perhaps he found out 15 years ago and decided to do something about it. Must be some wound to take whopping 15 years to heal up from though. (Chapter 173: Secret intel).

Regardless, Blast is omitting information because he knows people would look at him in bad light if they knew he was working with Ninja village leader when they were doing bad deeds under his nose. He needs to keep up the facade probably so nobody loses trust in their heroes.

Not a whole lot would be more damaging to his reputation than the knowledge that he was bit more than buddies with the devil itself. Saitama and Flashy Flash already threw slag on his rep by implying Blast fought Cosmic Garou while naked lmao. (Chapter 169: Daybreak)

(How adorable, they're definitely holding hands, otherwise Empty Void would be holding the map with TWO hands, it just means his right hand was occupied)

More cracks appear in that shining armor of Blast being virtuous number 1# hero, when he seems less and less heroic as we know more about him.

However, the worst is probably when he shows no visible signs of disturbance at Hamukichi's plight and watches indifferently, after suggesting with a smirk on his face that Flash and Saitama can watch as well. Interesting to note is that this characterization was different in the rewritten chapters where he has visible reaction and he's the one to observe how to turn back Monsterization. (Chapter 196: Threat)

He really does not even bat an eye in the current canon verse, unlike his rewritten self who seems more emphatic.

Blast had originally seemed kind, competent, strong and emphatic, but now he only appears very strong because his kind, fatherly facade has a bit too many cracks on it.

Scratch that strong too, because Empty void is using him as laughing stock after he absorbed Cosmic Garou's powers. (chapter 197: What only I can do). Blast says he hasn't just been twiddling his thumbs, but compared to this Empty Void who can create parallel timelines with couple ninjutsu signs, he seems woefully unmatched. Even worse, Saitama seems entirely too sure that Blast can actually handle Void...but Void has gotten even stronger than before and Blast may be even overly confident in his own ability to take Void alive. It will 100% come back to bite him unless he busts out something even stronger than space-time manipulation and 6th sense.

Blasts last appearance so far is him coming to knock some sense into Empty void, literally. (Chapter 201: You pass)

Blast then proceeds to show he also has a silly, endearing human side when he blows a raspberry at Empty void and then contemplates how dangerous it almost got because he lost visual contact when he followed Flash around and almost started to panic haha. Then he proceeds to grab both Sonic and Flash into a group hug and gongratulating them on a job well done.

He makes one crucial mistake though: he thinks Flash broke out of the cube's mind control on his own, when it was only Sonic and his fist who broke him out before he could accept. It will probably come back to bite him in the ass.

So overall, Blast seems like competent, kind, strong, emphatic, funny and strong hero...at least that is how one could perceive him if we did not know better that he's hiding something important and he has the capacity to be amoral and even unscrupulous. Webcomic readers know.

But hey, least the space daddy is not one dimensional character nor too mysterious anymore. Hue hue.

I'm glad Blast has been fleshed out in the manga this much. It allows the readers to relate to him so much more when his character has been actually fleshed out.

-*-

Tl;dr Overall Blast is very strong by using space-time abilities and 6th sense, competent, emphatic but also too independent to a fault and he's hiding some big secrets considering Empty void, the ninja village leader.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

My biggest problem with leftist thought, and the thing that ultimately keeps me from considering myself genuinely leftist, is that nothing in the world -- absolutely nothing -- can function without boundaries. We know this from every level of our own lives -- if we don't or aren't permitted to establish and preserve healthy boundaries for ourselves, we will always end up victimized by someone or something, intentionally or unintentionally.

And leftists and leftist communities are honestly pretty good (with exceptions, but *generally* pretty good) at the skills and systems that help people locate, articulate, and maintain boundaries with people they love -- or more broadly, among people who are in an overall positive relationship. That's why the praxis tends to revolve around cultivating Beloved Community, mutual aid, and the like -- because those are the contexts in which leftist practices of consensus, consent, conflict resolution, and restorative justice absolutely flourish. You know the saying about when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Those things are the hammer that leftists own; of course they are keen on the idea of a world full of nothing but nails.

The problem is that boundaries are still completely vital, foundationally vital for human life and well-being, when you are among people who do not love you. And the *problem* problem is that the tools and techniques for establishing and securing your boundaries are not transferable. What works within the Beloved Community fails outside of its scope. If it ain't a nail, it simply cannot be hammered. You can *hit* it with your hammer, but you're not going to be pleased with the results.

The world that leftists imagine can *only* consist of a communion of beloveds. They don't have a tool set for dealing with anyone else. At best, attempts to establish boundaries simply fail, and they get run over by their opponents. At worst, they put down the metaphorical hammer and switch over to, as Audre Lorde would say, the Master's tools, and become functionally indistinct from any other ideology enforcing obedience through fear and punishment.

I love the values and vision of leftist movements, but I just can't get past this issue where it seems like they fundamentally run out of ideas when it comes to the hard reality that not everyone on Earth is your friend now, *or ever will be.* As much as I believe we can and should (must, even!) massively expand our communities of care, the notion that we'll one day live in a totalizing Fellowship of All Humankind governed primarily by a worldwide commitment to loving our neighbors -- well, I can say with quite a bit of confidence that I won't live to see the day. And I think people alive right now deserve to hear the best possible solutions *for the world we currently live in,* not the hypothetical world that leftists would be really good at organizing.

Liberalism is obviously not without its shortcomings, but it was forged on top of the ruins of a civilization that had all but destroyed itself through centuries of brutal, relentless violence aimed at eradicating religious, ideological, and political opposition, and its central, powerful insight is that *eliminating your enemies* is not a worthwhile goal. You simply have to figure out how to exist alongside them, and liberalism is, at its heart, a set of contractual principles and functional boundaries that are designed to work while you're living among people you don't necessarily like even a little bit. And that's going to keep being the situation on the ground for a while now -- you will have to resolve conflict in your life more often, and with greater stakes, when you're in confrontation with someone who has not agreed to view you as a loved one. That's when you need the boundary-setting tools of civil society, as distinct from the tools of Beloved Community.

I don't think leftists really have tools appropriate to civil society. They just keep telling me things like "we make us safe," which is beautiful, but like, who the fuck is "we"? Because some of Us are making the rest of us extremely unsafe right now, in ways that we cannot put off addressing! I happen to agree that the *best possible* redress for most of our problems begins with choosing love and solidarity, but that's currently only *barely* actionable in our own individual relationships. It's not actionable *at all* on the systemic level.

And I just don't feel like I have any more time to waste on solutions that can't be practiced. Right now.

[iraprince]

From what I've seen from surveys and bits of news, Spain seems like it's pretty good with trans acceptance and stuff. Is that true?

Relatedly, you've said you started in Ohio and ended up in Spain. How would you reccomend someone else from Ohio do that?

oof, haha. this is a tough time to ask this -- for the past three years that i've lived here my answer would have been an enthusiastic and pretty confident yes, but recently we're all pretty worried bc in recent elections there have been gains made by the far-right + conservative parties. things where i live are still okay, but in other regions there is reason for concern. if you end up seriously planning on moving to spain, i would heavily advise you to do research on the political situations of different autonomous communities (essentially like provinces or states; catalonia is the community i live in, valencia is a community, madrid has its own community, etc) bc they all have individual governments and the experience of living in one community can be vastly different from another regardless of what's going on on a federal level. as an example, madrid is only a 2 hour train ride away from where i live but in comparison covid has been a million times worse there, absolutely fucking nightmarish, bc they have an extremely conservative government and their healthcare systems were privatized + managed differently by that government in a way that caused a lot of suffering.

i would still say it is resoundingly better than the united states, especially on the front of LGBTQ+ safety. i'm not "visibly trans" -- i believe 99% of the ppl who see me out and about probably perceive me as a cis woman -- but i'm very visibly gay, my wife and i are often affectionate in public, and the worst we've ever personally gotten have been frowns and disapproving glares. most of the time, even when ppl stare at us, it's more harmless curiosity than anything else. this doesn't mean hate crimes and discrimination never happen here, bigotry is everywhere, but in comparison i am frankly in a constant state of anguish and fear about what's going on in my home country.

(asked my wife to read this over for accuracy and offer his input and he wants to add that while on a legal level things are pretty stable -- a lot of laws that have been passed that protect LGBTQ+ rights would be difficult to revoke or repeal -- on a social level things have gotten noticeably worse and violence has objectively risen over the past few years. 2022 was the most violent year in a decade, specifically in terms of homophobic hate crimes. we both feel that this is more about rising fascism worldwide than about anything specific to spain, but still.)

as for immigration, i'm afraid i can't really offer any help or advice on that one! my residency here is based on my marriage to my wife, who is a spanish citizen, so i have no knowledge at all on other methods of obtaining residency.

[wobster109]

Ratio’s position in the IPC is, in my opinion, one of the great and understated plot twists of Penacony. I would not be surprised if Ratio is secretly an IPC executive equivalent to a stoneheart. I thought he was secretly a stoneheart until the myriad celestia came out.

He has an unprecedented amount of responsibility and authority in a very delicate and risky mission. The IPC is burying the lede when they introduce Ratio as their “technical consultant”. He himself says that he is the “manager” of this mission.

He has dreamscape access that even Topaz doesn’t get. They could've chosen another stoneheart for the mission, but instead, they chose him.

He has the ability to open Cornerstone boxes.

He has enough info to sink the whole mission into the meme zone if he cared to betray the IPC. No, they must be confident that he wouldn’t sell them out at any price. And where do they get that kind of confidence in a random, loosely-affiliated technical consultant?

It’s not just by being a researcher of an affiliated institution. It seems to me that a normal working relationship between a corporation and a researcher is: the corp funds the researcher, and then the corp benefits from the research. In extreme situations, the corp may lock down the researcher, like Chadwick. It seems strange to involve a researcher in the most secret schemes, akin to one of your own top-level directors.

As far as I know, every stoneheart is there for very profound personal reasons that are so deeply rooted that the idea of betrayal is unthinkable. Topaz has her conviction that the IPC saved her planet, and her unwavering dedication to saving other planets. I do not know why Aventurine joined, but whatever his reason, it was worth gambling his life in an elaborate scheme to get in. I believe Jade is bound by the same contract as her clients. "There's no turning back for me or you" - there are hints that she's not just the proprietor of the Bonajade Exchange, she may be its first customer as well.

So, what does Ratio have that assures the IPC of his loyalty?

The most obvious guess is that he's in love with Aventurine. Regardless of whether it's true, that can't be the reason. Feelings in general are fickle, even if the doctor's are not - the IPC would not rely on something so ephemeral to serve as the foundation for his loyalty.

Another possibility is that he's being enticed, or even coerced, by funding. It's plausible that the Intelligentsia Guild may be unable to carry on without the IPC's financial support, and there is no other organization in the universe with comparable wealth. Sunday and all of Penacony couldn't "outbid" the IPC by offering to fund the Guild in its place - they simply don't have the money. If loyalty goes to the highest bidder, the IPC has it locked down. I'm not entirely convinced though. They would still be relying solely on Ratio's sense of duty to the Guild, trusting that he wouldn't be tempted by any amount of personal gain. Though Sunday can't fund the entire Guild, he could still offer Ratio enough, either in wealth or knowledge, to sway a more worldly or opportunistic man. Perhaps they are simply very assured of Ratio's character, since he has a long history of noble and charitable deeds, and has previously thrown out students for attempting to bribe him. But then, how do they know he won't turn against them for a moral reason? How can they be sure he won't find just cause to become their enemy?

The IPC has blackmail on him. HAHAHAA blackmail on Ratio? He has spent his entire life being upright and brilliant and beautiful in the bath. Moving on.

The IPC saved his planet, similar to Topaz's planet. It's just coincidence that it's never mentioned in any of his lore or backstory, and it was also something he couldn't do himself, despite solving a planet's energy crisis.

My final guess is that he may be bound by a contract that no mortal can break, similar to signing a contract with Jade. Perhaps he made a wish to be at peace with never making it into the Genius Society - after all, he would never wish to get in, he would consider membership attained that way to be worthless. And the price was doing work for the IPC, mundane work among mortals that would preclude the lofty academia of the Genius Society. I'm just spitballing here - something to that effect that makes betrayal literally impossible. It is hard to imagine Ratio of all people entering into such a contract, though. He's all about finding your own way, in knowledge and in life. I doubt he'd take a shortcut, not even for something personal such as inner peace. "You learn to know yourself before the enemy." He'd want to find his own way.

In short. . . I have no idea what it could actually be. I hope that we'll be seeing more of him though!

[prahelika]

love your recruitment headcanons!! do you have any for benji/will/jane?

benji i can see like wrong place, wrong time getting caught hacking into something big (or not an accident at all?)

but those two i'm not sure...

Thank you so much! This is a lovely question.

I'm inclined to agree with you on Benji. Sometime after graduating from Oxford, he acquired a low-level job as a white-hat hacker, maybe? Got bored, hacked into something important (MI6??), got caught, got offered a clean break.

Brandt... Hmm.

What do we know about Brandt? He's by the book. Has a tendency to ignore impulses in favour of the rulebook, but can be convinced to step outside the box if the situation demands it. He's an analyst, the Chief analyst. Looking at the timeline, it couldn't have been more than 3-4 years between the Julia fiasco and his rise to Chief Analyst. So, he must have had prior experience. I think a case could be made that he has parallels to Benji, as in, he was a low-level analyst in the IMF before deciding to undergo field training one day.

But that doesn't answer how the IMF got its claws into him in the first place, does it? Here's how I think it went down. He was a security analyst for a high-profile tech company. Some discrepancy in the expenditure sheets led him to conclude that there was something fishy going on behind the scenes. He contacted the authorities immediately, from where the case was handed over to the FBI. He was ordered to become an informant, and collect data without raising anyone's suspicions. Unfortunately for him, he jumped the gun and confronted/confided in one of the higher-ups who then pinned the whole thing on him. In comes the IMF and sweeps him away, and William Brandt develops an aversion to disobeying orders.

We know even less about Jane than we do about Brandt. It's tempting to just say she was a conwoman or assassin or thief, and leave it at that. But that's no fun. So out come the tinfoil hats.

We know that Jane is a good fighter, but not great at seduction missions. (Side note: Ethan backseat driving Jane's flirting with Anil Kapoor is a scene that lives rent free in my head. Be Venus, Ethan? Seriously?) However, she's experienced enough that they gave her command of the mission to retrieve the nuclear launch codes.

I think, as far as Jane is concerned, a simple explanation is key. She might have been involved with the army, as, say, military police. That would explain her skills in combat and her mission planning chops, while still leaving relative inexperience in matters of honeytrapping. Unfortunately, police codes of conduct and personal codes of honour don't always intersect. She might have tampered with evidence to let a morally innocent suspect walk away, which would then attract the attention of other unsavoury people. One thing leads to another, and then, she finds herself thrown in a cell, accused of being an accomplice to a criminal - upon which the IMF swoops in and saves the day.

That's all I have for the moment, and tbh these sound like a bit of a reach. But headcanons are fun so.