#and its not even a situation where I can say with any level of confidence if they would or not because god if I fucking know

[arolesbianism]

Every now and then I remember that oni in fact will eventually have more lore added and I get so excited and scared for a moment and then I remember that it could take months until we see any of that and I proceed to forget abt it again and the cycle repeats

[mymoshangthoughts]

i think i have the unpopular opinion that airplane is an egotist lol

i do enjoy reading fics where he's like "i dont deserve good things, this guy is way out of my league" and i do totally get where people are coming from when they characterize him that way but more and more lately im just like

"what about the comments?"

like i dont think that airplane has a SUPER high opinion of himself, but i think he's just kinda... confident? like when he reads fucking essays online about how his writing sucks he's able to laugh his ass off over it and even join in the fray. so i keep thinking rather than him being like "i dont deserve this nice thing", he'd more have a "SCORE! nice thing for me!! WHOO!" reaction. and when a bad thing happened, instead of being super "this is the saddest day of my life, someone was mean to me", he'd be more "omfg did you like fr waste your time being mean to me? thats actually pretty embarrassing for you lmfao, r u oki bro?"

like kinda that terminally online asshole internet troll of a person who just doesnt take shit seriously and has enough self esteem to just legitimately not give a fuck when someone is shitty

ofc it's different with demons who can literally skin him alive, theres a huge difference between someone saying "youre ugly" and someone breaking every bone in his body, so its not like he doesn't cower when necessary

but also inwardly he just has the confidence to not be effected much by cowering. like "lol imma hug this thigh bc i aint stupid but the fact that this asshole needs me to hug his thigh says a looottttt more about him than it says about me"

idk im just kinda wanting to see more unapologetically confident airplane who just does not give a fuck about anyones opinion so long as the opinion is coming from someone who cant actually fuck him over in a significant way. like sha hualing? obvs care about her opinion, she can gut him. some rando disciple? "lmfao out of my way loser, im gay"

also i kinda wanna see that confidence stripped away until he's a mewling mess but thats just my desire to break down confident characters and make them cry pfff

its so much funnier to me if airplane was actually a pretty impervious sort of person, it's only the extreme nature of his current situation that turned him into a crybaby lmfao

idk if im making sense, i just kinda think of airplane as being a hilarious mixture of "the most self assured guy you've ever met, to an obnoxious extent" and "wait does he have any self esteem at all?!? is he okay?!?" in a fun contradictory way, cuz thats the impression i got of him from canon

also modern au mobei jun getting Very upset bc it feels absolutely impossible to get under airplane's skin. like he's sitting here trying his best to get a reaction and airplane is just "lmfao yea but idgaf abt your opinion sooooooooo"

look, i also think it'd just be awesome if mobei jun is actually most attracted to the egotistical side of shang qinghua. like sure, he thinks that cowering sobbing pathetic hamster shang qinghua is delicious, but give him shang qinghua cackling arrogantly at his detractors with the air of an emperor? mobei jun might actually faint with desire

so like, mobei jun visiting an ding peak so much initially because shang qinghua is sus as fuck and all that jazz, but eventually he's sneaking in as often as possible so that he gets to peak that side of shang qinghua.

like he first notices it when shang qinghua is too absorbed in his paperwork to remember there's a demon lord casually napping on his bed and starts making fun of the lousy penmanship, his fellow disciples, other peak lords, no one is except from his sharp mocking tongue and laughing criticism. but he notices it more and more

someone comes to qinghua's door to throw their weight around? sure, qinghua acts all small and harmless with them there but when they leave, he's cackling about "annndd that pathetic loser thinks that no one knows abt his porn stache, pssshhh, get on my level pleb. especially with your frankly boring as fuck tastes" and qinghua has a dirty sense of humor too and it's sort of driving mobei jun insane

so maybe sometimes he shows up at the peak without announcing his presence, trying to peak what sort of shit that shang qinghua might say about him behind his back and mmaaaayyybbe mobei jun is a bit excited at the prospect and disappointed when it's difficult to hear his name on shang qinghua's tongue

until one glorious day when his timing is just right and shang qinghua is neck deep in the middle of northern desert paperwork and he lets loose and mobei jun isnt sure whats worse: the things that shang qinghua's biting insults are doing to him or how, in stark comparison to the way that shang qinghua insults to others, all of shang qinghua's insults are accompanied by dirty commentary about mobei jun's body and potential sexual prowess in a quite positive light. normally shang qinghua is all "lmfao mr. never-gonna-get-fucked qi-ge is gonna tell me what to do? tough shit my lil bitch, i might be your daddy but i know the full depth of malicious compliance! go back to your brat-kink with jiu-whatever. you might as well be dickless for all the success you've had, mr. virgin mcbitch" but with mobei jun it's a lot more like "oh so mr. sexier than the fucking literal god of this world could have imagined in his dirtiest dreams wants this paperwork by next week? unreasonable brat, so spoiled, i should spoil him, he'd look reeeeaallly hot when spoiled absolutely rotten beneath me hehehh wait above me? hm, anyway, he's being a little bitch but i'll forgive it for that face but also man i wanna just pinch those fucking cheeks sometimes and then--man i bet he'd be really fucking wild in the sack to and--"

absolutely charmed by the display, mobei jun immediately reveals himself and beats shang qinghua senseless as a very clear indication of his intentions. to his absolute dismay, he never hears shang qinghua insulting him again and he doubles the beatings in desperation to somehow get shang qinghua's attention

(shang qinghua does not, in fact, have any actual bad blood against his zhangmen-shixiong, he just has a bad habit of going for the throat when he's in the middle of a tirade bc he was once an internet troll who shamelessly thrived on the anonymity of being able to say anything to anyone. he just really likes to talk shit and if he was in a position of power, would absolutely abuse it to talk shit alllll the time lmfao)

anyway i got pretty off topic bUT MY POINT IS that shang qinghua is best (imho) when he is a shameless egotistical shit-talker who's more or less impervious to the criticism of others

((man just fucking IMAGINE mobei jun's reaction when the ascension ceremony happens? like he FINALLY gets shang qinghua to talk shit to his face no less and then IMMEDIATELY gets abandoned. and like, it was kinda Really Bad Timing and also mobei jun never really wanted to just be a passive participant! he wanted to retort back! he wanted a back and forth! he wanted to refute shang qinghua's claims that he was spoiled just as much as he wanted to hear those claims! he wants the push and pull!!!! SO WHY IS SHANG QINGHUA RUNNING AWAY THAT FUCKING TEASE?!?!))

also as a general note i do think that shang qinghua's whole impervious thing is prolly routed in a lot of the trauma of being unwanted by family and all of that stuff, there was no one around to build his ego up so he built it up all on his own and he's really fucking good at building things up

[tastywormfood]

Ive tried to get my feelings about Moominvalley s4 into words, but im having a really hard time even accepting them. But ill try!

So here's my thoughts in Moominvalley s4.

Im 23 now and i remember being 12 - 15 figuring out my identity, and the only "representation" in mrdia being basically either "Bury your gays" trope or just queerbaiting. I grew up on a base level thinking i wasnt allowed to exist, and if i still dared to, tragedy would be my only birth right.

I believed i wasnt allowed to live a happy, soft AND queer life, cause no media i had seen had ever showed me that, that was a possibility.

Both the 90's Moomin series and Moominvalley 2019 are my comfort shows. I fall asleep to them at night, i listen to them like a podcast while im working or outside, they even calm my panic attacks. I collect cups, plushies, i collect the Comics and even some of the books.

I have 3 Moomin tattoos. This universe means a damn lot to me, and to thousands of ppl world wide.

As a queer person i find incredible comfort in Tove Janssons work, and you have to be a fool to be unable to see the way Snufkin and Moomintroll are written together.

I have been following this show since early 2020 and have watched interview to interview, ive listened to the podcast more times than i can count, and they knew what they were doing.

From the beginning of the show they deliberately wrote Snufkin and Moomin to be something more, they even confess In a BTS that their Moomin might like Snufkin more than Snorkmaiden. Even the podcast talked about it!! We are not crazy!!!

I feel incredibly gaslit by the entire situation, and suddenly im 14 again being told im reading too much into it.

Idk what happened inbetween S3 and 4, but it felt like all the love and care that came from the show, just disappeared?

Ignoring Snufmin for a second, every episode this season felt like a filler. It has no plot, followed up on nothing from the last seasons, and had an extreme amount of loose ends.

The former seasons, especially s1 and 2 has such amazing writting, character development and just a feeling of patience and of softness, i would watch it and think everything would be okay... But this season felt stripped of every inch of the care Tove Jansson put into her universe.

I want to talk a little about Moomintroll.

One of Moomins character Arcs is his want to grow up, its his need to be taken seriously and his need for independence and adventure. His need to step out of his dads shadow, and to be his own moomin! The character development he had built up through out the seasons, completely and utterly disappeared. There is no trace of anything in s4.

He is right back to where he started in s1, not being able to stand up for himself and say no, not having the confidence to go on adventures and right back to idealizing his dad. If anything this entire season felt like a prequal! Cause at least s1 Moomintroll wanted to learn, and was activily trying to change.

Moomintroll truly felt like a side character this season, i dont even think he has any important moments. Unless you count Comet in Moominvalley (which i dont), where all his independence has disappeared. Moominpapa literally has to push him out. He made one decision that eps, which was to float down the river instead of walking, which ended up being the wrong and slower way.

The regression Moomintroll went threw this season is heartbreaking, and thats not my Moomin.

Focusing for a bit on Snufkin, this season felt like a slap to the face.

They know that Snufkin is one of their most popular characters right? If not the most popular. If anything he is at least in the top 3, not only in Moominvalley but in the rest of the moominverse.

So why did this season feel like Snufkin erasure?

He was barely in it, and when he was all of that glow that normally radiats from him was all gone. He felt like the husk of a character.

This version of Snufkin was on of my favs, cause you could actually see his flaws and disagree with his actions. He had room to grow, and he did, he truly did.

He learned from Moomin just like Moomin learned from him. Their characters Arcs co align witch each other, their relationship and interactions are the pillars of the entire show. Snufkin and Moomintroll are what make the show proceed.

Finding the 2019 show for the first time as an 18 year old gave me confirmation and trust, that i was allowed to live a soft and slow life as a queer person. If Moomintroll and Snufkin could have that kind of beautiful queer slow burn romance, then i had a chance to as well.

They knew that a big part of their viewers are queer, and they knew how popular Snufmin was. They knew what kind of ppl they attracted, or they wouldnt have made it like that.

All the soft moments, the longing, the zoom in on eye contact, the zoom in on hand holding. They said trust us, they said be patient, and then they threw everything they had been building up out and set fire to it.

We got Queerbaited, and i truly havnt felt this feeling for a while. We got actual queer shows now, ofc they all end up being cancelled! But they exist!

This show felt like it was crafted with so much love and care, that i completely let my guard down. The entire queer Moomin community did a 5 year long trustfall, just to hit the floor the last second.

Season 4 of Moominvalley felt empty. It felt lost of all care and love. The first 3 seasons felt handcrafted by warm hands, season 4 felt machine made. Easy to digest, with no real soul.

Season 4 of Moominvalley feels souless.

I have chosen to live in a world where Comet in Moominvalley is a prequal to s4 and that s4 is a prequal to s1. The true last season was S3 and Moominvalley ended with Snufkin and Moomin walking arm in arm. Thats the only way i can Rationalize everything.

I have so much more to say, but ill stop here for now. Hope all of you are doing okay<3

[kafus]

ever since liko lost in her battle against chili back in HZ056 i've been pretty passionate about wanting liko to win her future battle against grusha, partially because i just love her and want to see her win after such a heart-wrenching defeat, but also because i thought it would be good character writing - she loses, but learns to be passionate about battling in the process, and then she can apply that to her next major fight and win as a result. that was my thought process.

as HZ063 drew closer however, i started feeling like that maybe isn't what would happen - the way episodes have panned out, she hasn't really had any major battle training since her loss against chili (her joining roy with "awesome training" does not count LOL), and that massive cetitan and the type disadvantage started to really loom over the whole thing. but i still wasn't sure and by the time HZ063 came out this weekend, i genuinely had no clue what to expect, i just hoped the character writing payoff would be good, win or lose.

AND IT WAS!!! thank fucking god i love liko so much i need more really good liko episodes. i'm eating this up

first off: liko REALLY shows off what she learned from battling chili. honestly an absolute treat to watch. her level of increased confidence and focus honestly made me feel spoiled as a fan. never once did she take her eyes off the battle, she was not distracted by grusha being a hardass, and she's able to think through being pinned into a corner to turn the tides despite the odds stacked against her.

everything from the strategic switch to tebrim, to firing off magical leaf into huljukira's mouth, to grabbing tyltalis by the tail/feet... she's actually a really crafty and thoughtful battler when she sets her mind to it, which makes sense because her battle preferences are more to do with her mind than raw strength. even roy remarks "nice control" because she has notable precise control over her pokemon's actions. point is the payoff for her character development in her battle against chili was still present... despite her loss.

and man does this loss sting like a bitch after watching her perform so well... AND on top of that grusha is a complete asshole about it. like UGH it just hurts to watch. and frankly there's no excuse as someone in grusha's position to be treating students that way... but there is a reason. and the reason makes this episode super fucking interesting. i really like how it was handled, actually.

pretty much directly after a scene where grusha interrupts the trio having fun sledding with the arukujira, we're presented with grusha's backstory about why and how he quit snowboarding. the writing is essentially saying, here's grusha being a no-fun, shitty person, and here's why he's like that. (notably, the trio was doing something similar to snowboarding and had to dodge being injured themselves...)

what's important, though, is that we also find out that grusha didn't quit snowboarding because he was too seriously injured to ever do it again, just that it would be harder for him to achieve the same results he used to. he made a conscious, emotionally fueled decision to quit, because like the man says: he's harsh on everyone, himself included.

at this point, he is basically the opposite of liko, and to the general themes of most stories in pokemon. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of passion, in fact he only became a trainer after his snowboarding accident just so he'd have something to succeed at again. he is not an incredible pokemon trainer because of friends or adventure or any other reason than a desperation to reach the same artificial "success" heights that he did before his accident. not to say that he's inhuman - forgiving the arukujira that caused his injury, patting it on the head, and becoming its trainer, signals a sense of personal guilt over the situation, and the arukujira in question obviously likes him despite his behavior. but it's a very strong contrast to what liko learned in HZ056, with being connected with her pokemon through battle, and enjoying fighting tough opponents even though she could lose.

and it's important to note that even as far back as HZ056 itself, grusha was framed as a contrast to liko. he approaches her and his coldness (no pun intended) immediately slices into the atmosphere of the scene and liko's improved mood, and he implies that liko is weak for being happy after losing, because all he personally cares about is winning and being on top.

all of this is to say that grusha is in the wrong to fail liko, he's in the wrong to talk down to her the way that he does. and this is made clear by the writing! when liko loses and grows from it, grusha's there to say something negative about it. when liko is having fun with her pokemon and her friends, he sarcastically remarks that she must be "pretty confident" if she has time to "goof off." the man in the gym says that he could have kept snowboarding, but he quit, as opposed to liko who gets back up again. everyone thinks he's harsh and offputting.

and at the end when grusha fails her, even dot and roy are like, no, maybe he'll pass you or give you a second chance! because they (rightly) experienced those things and were able to grow from those experiences, so surely the same would be the case for liko? but no! and it's a shock to everyone!

the sound effect paired with liko's surprised face clearly indicates that this is supposed to shock the viewer just as much as it shocks liko and her friends.

and her friends are so surprised that they even try to argue with grusha about it!! it is unfair and wrong! and that's so fucking interesting!!! grusha is a flawed adult character, he's not part of the explorers but he's still treating liko wrongly as opposed to with the support that most of the adults in her life have given her, and he has a reason which makes him compelling, but not an excuse. for the type of show this is i am continually surprised by the complexity of some of the character writing, and this hits particularly well. liko's loss feels meaningful... and like setup for something.

to me, this episode seamlessly bridges off of liko's character development set in motion in HZ056, and also makes her character more clear through her contrast with grusha. i definitely don't think this is truly the end of this plot thread - whether or not liko actually gets to fight grusha again sometime in the future or something else, i definitely think liko will get to prove herself in some way, that pokemon battles aren't just about winning or losing and that grusha was indeed in the wrong. and i do hope she gets to fight grusha again or grusha gets to see her prove herself in the future, because it seems like the guy needs to learn to loosen up and have fun and be passionate, too.

i feel even more sure of this because amethio is in the upcoming episode (thank god, i missed him) and grusha parallels amethio in a lot of ways - they both work very hard to be stronger, but just because of a desperation to succeed, and they're both absolutely miserable and irritable as people because of it, though of course amethio's motivations for being this way are very different. i won't speculate too much about the next episode right now but i am hoping that this will be pointed out by the narrative in some way - an amethio episode coming right after this feels... intentional to say the least lol.

the intentional nature of horizons' character writing and its ability to follow through on things it sets up episodes ago never fails to impress me tbh. really good episode. i fucking love liko

[highdramas]

a house in nebraska | j.m.

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: language, canon typical sadness, canon typical violence, age gap but it’s not really mentioned, sweet sweet yearning, sexual situations but not explicit (yet hehe)

word count: 4704

summary: by joel’s side, you make your way to the midwest, and find yourself inching closer to a house in nebraska you once called home. you and joel have always been okay keeping your pasts to yourselves, focusing on the now. but a roadtrip stirs up feelings, ones that even you cannot deny any longer.

notes: if you are under 18 do not interact with my work or this fic. this is part of the creature comforts series but can be read on its own! house in nebraska in particular is a two part story. this is set 12 years after the outbreak began. joel is 48 and reader is 31.

you still thought about that house.

in most ways, it was rather unassuming. it wasn’t rundown, nor was it like the house that nancy mcnamara had on the other side of town. you remember that first time you had gone to nancy’s house for a birthday party. it was strange to imagine that people lived that way.

no, your house was simple, if not slightly dated. your parents never got around to modernizing it, and you didn’t want them to. it was beautiful in it’s dated nature. it was your home. more than a house. it was a home.

it’s days like today when you think about that house. sometimes you wonder if it’s still standing. oh, what you wouldn’t give to walk up those steps, to run your hand along the railing of the porch. it was a luxury to have these fantasies. that you knew more than anything.

you run your plate over the lukewarm water and you feel joel’s eyes on your back. sometimes, you wonder if he can read your mind. you wonder if maybe he’s harboring this secret power from you that allows him to know your deepest secrets, the history that you hold near and dear to your heart. you don’t know why it is. why it is you don’t tell him. it would be easy to lay all of it down at his feet, to come apart and know that he wasn’t going to judge you or hurt you for it. feelings are a weakness. longing is a weakness. but joel was never going to stab that soft underbelly. you were confident in that.

but you keep it bottled up anyway. you keep him placated with your smiles and the murmurs that everything’s okay, just tired and you know that he sees right through you but you both know that he’s not going to push it. that’s one thing, of many, that you love about joel. he doesn’t push. and in return, neither do you. not hard, anyway.

you dry your hands off and you settle on the couch beside him. you can tell that there’s something on his mind– his eyes don’t give anything away, and maybe he thinks that you’re the mind reader out of the two of them. “talk to me,” you say with that smile of yours that you pull out of the closet only for him, wear it like it’s your finest gown.

he sighs and leans forward, muscled arms against strong knees. he doesn’t meet your gaze. you wish that he would. “i don’t want to tell you because i know exactly what you’re going to say.��

“well, then at least you won’t be hit with any surprises.”

joel looks at you and you already have a wry smile on your face, and he has to fight the urge to match it. “you’re such a shit, you know that?” his humor dies off and he goes back to examining his hands. “gotta head out west.”

you straighten at that. “oh.” confusion riddles you– what is he not saying? “well, where?”

the looks says everything and you’re opening your mouth but he cuts you off before you can get a word out. “no. no. you’re not comin’.”

“if you’re going to nebraska,” you say, your voice perfectly level. “you’re going to have to chain me to the bed in order to get me to stay put.” you rise from your spot and walk towards your bedroom, rustling around to find your backpack. you don’t even know when he’s leaving and you’re preparing yourself.

he knows next to nothing about where you come from. what your story is. it’s not all that special, all things considered– for someone to be alive means that they have had to endure unthinkable hardship to get to that point. but he knows two things: you’re from nebraska, and you never knew what happened to your family.

“joel,” you say, folding a t shirt and laying it flat in your bag. “i’m coming.” when you look at him, there’s something in your eyes that he doesn’t recognize. a whole different you. “you don’t know the things i did to get to boston. so don’t fight me on this. i won’t be a nuisance.”

“i didn’t think you would be,” he steps closer. “i just don’t want you getting your hopes up. that’s all.”

you swallow and you look at him. there’s no fight on his face– you think he probably gave up this fight the second he decided he was going to tell you. after all, he could’ve up and left with a note and nothing more. hell, he didn’t even owe you a note. you weren’t anything. you were friends. you shared something. but beyond that, there was no reason for him to tell you shit. “joel,” you whisper and you step closer to him and you watch the way his throat bobs, the way his lip twitches. “you of all people know that my hope’s gonna have to be pried from my cold, dead hands.”

“i know,” he says quietly. you turn back to your backpack and then he’s behind you and his hands are on your shoulders. things have never been said so explicitly– what you are and what you aren’t, where the lines are drawn. all you know is sometimes he does this; he touches you and it lights you up with a warmth from the inside out. sometimes, you lie in bed beside one another and your foot draws up his calf and his hand smoothes over your waist and tugs you closer to him. sometimes he gives you his ration cards despite your protests. you will wake and he’s long gone but they rest on the dining table. the dining table where his belongings, meager as they are, mingle with yours.

joel cares. joel cares and he knows you more than anyone else could ever fathom it.

you show your care in different ways. once, on an abandoned vehicle in the qz, you found a texas sticker. you had taken dutiful care in the way you peeled it off. you found an old book and ripped a page from the back and laid the sticker down onto it. when you presented it to joel on september 26th, you could see the emotions pass over his face. sorrow and longing and then something else. a sidelong look at you, one that was mostly curious.

“it’s okay to miss it,” you had said then. “that life.”

you’d seen his reactions when others had made mere references of his life before. they were shut down. they were stopped, right then and there. and while you didn’t like to poke the bear… you wanted him to know. wanted to bestow this one thing. there was nothing else to say in that moment, all there was was you and joel and his arm slowly wrapping around your shoulders and tugging you in closer. there was his lips against your temple and your fist gripping his flannel shirt. and that was all you needed.

but in this moment with him just behind you, hands beginning to rub into your shoulders, you feel it. that deep chasm of need deep within you, the one that you’ve been ignoring. your hand goes and covers his and you wrap his arm around your chest, kissing the skin of his forearm. strong, steady joel. protective joel. while you’ve laid awake and wondered what it is he felt for you, you never had to question if he would protect you. if he would save you when it all boiled down to it. you squeeze his arm and he squeezes you back, a heavy, reassuring weight. “just let me have some hope, joel.”

and he would.

–

you stop at bill and frank’s to do some trading. you’d heard the stories of their compound, but had never experienced it yourself, and there was a twinge in your heart. what was stopping you? what stopped you from moving in next door, earning your keep, being of service in some way? what stopped you and joel from settling? sitting around the table, music playing and eating a meal that was more than jerky and dried fruits, it was hard to remember your reasoning. why you two played by the rulebook that you did.

you’re admiring the house when frank found you. he gives you a smile and gets in the wine cabinet, pulling another fresh bottle. “astounding, isn’t it?”

turning to him, you remember that he was so warm. warm in a different way than joel. not better or worse. just different. “it’s amazing,” you admit. “almost hard to believe that there was a time where we all lived like this. took it for granted.”

he steps into the spot beside you, following your gaze. “i’m lucky. bill and i– we’re lucky.” he looks at you for a long time. you could feel the imprint of his gaze on your cheek. “how long have you been with joel?”

smiling to yourself, you say, “three years.” you pause, examining a painting on the wall. “feels like it’s been forever. he’s aging me. stealing my youth.” it’s a joke, and you give a crooked grin. “no, he’s… he’s made everything easier. much easier.”

frank hums at that. “i don’t want to pry,” he begins slowly, giving you a sidelong look. “but are you…”

feeling your cheeks grow warm, all you can do is shrug. “i’m not sure,” you admit. “but i don’t need to be sure. he’s my best friend.”

he nods his head, as if this answer makes more sense than anything else that you could’ve said. “well, for what it’s worth–” you both look out the window of the house where joel and bill stand, practically mirroring one another. hands on their hips. staring out at the fence. “bill’s my best friend, too.”

frank touches your shoulder and you smile at him. for some reason, his words are reassuring.

–

you end up staying the night. there’s a guest bedroom with an adjoining bathroom and frank says you’re welcome to anything you need while bill scowls. you shower before joel does– and, to be honest, he doesn’t give you an option in that regard. he puts his hands on your shoulders and he walks you into the bathroom, pushing the fluffy towel into your chest with a smile. “you stink,” he says and he does something that’s almost a wink that makes your heart sing.

so you do. you shower and you lather yourself in all of the fine soaps that frank had prepared for you. you think that joel must’ve told him about your dry skin– lotions of every scent line the counters, and you lather yourself in them post-shower. when you come out smelling like lavender and vanilla, joel’s head shoots up from his book. he stares at you for a long, long time. you shiver under his gaze, shifting in the clothes that frank had given you.

for a moment, you feel like you’re playing house.

joel clears his throat and he stands up, approaching you. his big hand goes to the side of your face and his thumb runs over your cheekbone, drags down to your lip. when you shiver this time, it’s much more noticeable, and you can see something flash behind joel’s eyes.

there are things that the two of you have done together. but never this. close– but never this. you’ve dreamed about what it might be like for his lips to brush yours, but you’ve never had the luxury to linger on it too long. you were both fighting, tooth and nail, for your own survival. the survival of each other, for tess, for tommy. a makeshift family if you’ve ever heard of one. but in this house, where the walls have art and the linens are clean, and you feel fresher and more clear headed than you ever have…

“go. shower.” you squeeze his wrist. “you stink.”

he scoffs out a laugh and shakes his head at you. but when he casts his gaze upon you again, when he nods his head and moves into the bathroom, you feel anticipation like you’ve never felt before.

joel takes less time in the shower than you did. but when he emerges, all wet hair and glistening skin, you have to physically stop yourself from standing. he doesn’t wear a shirt but sweatpants hang low on his hips, and every thought has to be written all over your face. he walks up to you slowly and your grip the duvet, but when he stands before you and nudges your legs apart to stand between them, your grip slackens, he takes your hands and he puts them up on his shoulders where you glide them across his tanned skin, lace them behind his neck.

“i’m going to say this once, because i don’t want to waste our time with it,” joel begins. “and i know– i know i’m not good with my words. i don’t know if i ever will be. and i know i’ve got walls up, i know i’m fucked up–” you open your mouth but he shakes his head. “let me finish. i know i’m fucked up. and i don’t know if i can give you everything that the man twelve years ago would’ve. but i am a selfish man, and i want what i can give to be enough. and i want to try and give you more.” he brushes a piece of your hair back. “if that’s what you want.”

“you’re more than i could ask for,” you reassure. your hands go to his face and your thumbs stroke against his cheeks. “so let’s stop wasting our time with talking about what we both know.”

joel pushes you down against the mattress and you pull yourself up the bed, towards the pillows, and he hovers above you. “can’t remember the last time i was in a bed this nice,” he murmurs, and he’s so handsome above you, you don’t know how you managed without it. you’ve slept side by side, limbs tangled, but this…

“me neither,” your needy hands reach out for him and then his brown eyes are level with yours, a hand splayed beside your head, holding himself up. “i don’t want to waste it. do you?”

the smile he wears would’ve belonged to the joel from before. mischievous, almost, a smile that reaches his eyes. “what ideas did you have?”

you open your mouth but then his lips are closing over your pulse point and it’s been so long, it’s been forever, it’s been a lifetime ago since you’ve had such true and real intimacy. you start to shake and you stammer to try and reply and he pulls away, shaking his head, running his hand through your hair. “i’m gonna take care of you,” he says seriously. “you gonna let me take care of you, nebraska?”

with a shaky laugh you nod your head, but that’s not enough for him. “words. give me your words.”

“yes,” you breathe. “please.”

and joel, your unsung hero, stays good to his word. he’s a passionate person, deep in there, so it shouldn’t have surprised you that he would be a good and passionate lover– but it did. it made you giddy, every touch, every drag of his tongue. but nothing was better than the first kiss.

joel makes sure to take care in tipping your face up to him. there were candlesticks lit around the quaint bedroom, illuminating you in a golden glow, and you’d never felt like an angel before– not even before this world had made you a killer. but under his eyes and in this room, you feel the closest you ever have. “so damn pretty,” he murmurs to himself, shaking his head. “you know that? how pretty you are?”

your foot runs up his leg. “don’t spend much time looking in mirrors anymore.”

“you’re fuckin’ gorgeous,” he answers for you. one hand goes to the side of your neck and his thumb brushes your pulse and it’s like every single thing in this broken world finally clicks into place with him. and that’s when he does it. that’s when he lowers himself and his lips find yours.

it’s slow. it’s like for the first time since 2003 he has allowed himself to enjoy. he savors you like he savored the meal that bill and frank served you that evening. he drinks you in like their delicious wine, the taste of you better than the heavy red had been on his tongue. a hand slips under your head and caresses, holds you, kisses you like there’s nothing else left to do.

your hands become explorative. across his chest, his stomach, down his spine. he shivers when you hit that sensitive spot just above his tailbone, and it makes you smile against his lips. “like that, huh?” he asks with a laugh. he falls down onto the bed beside you and he tugs you closer, his lips still attached to your jaw. “like knowin’ what you do to me?”

you’re helpless, nodding your head, mind foggy with pleasure. “oh, poor thing,” he coos with another cheeky grin, tapping your bottom lip with his thumb. “i’ll stop bein’ mean.”

“you’re evil,” you say but there’s no bark behind your bite, not when his lips start to move southward, down your chest, pushing up your shirt. your hips begin to raise involuntarily and everything is better than you could ever expect–

the door bursts open. “bill–” joel bellows, rearing back to look at him. you’re not even naked but joel is effortlessly protective, shielding you from his view. but you peek past his arm anyway, and what you see astounds you. bill’s scared. he’s trying to fight it, but you can smell fear like a bloodhound.

“raiders,” bill says and it’s the simplest thing he could’ve said, but it makes you move.

joel is on his feet and you’re tossing him a shirt and he’s tossing you your jacket, you’re moving around each other like you know the exact move the other will make next. and maybe you do. maybe you have memorized the way that he uses his body as a weapon and as a shield.

with guns drawn you help take down raiders. it’s not a fair fight, not with the set up that bill has built and not with you and joel by his side. joel has never had to see you fight. not really, anyway– he’s known of the knife that you keep on you at all times, but bill had tossed you a gun and you knew your way around it and while joel didn’t have time to watch, you could sense it. could feel his eyes lingering for just a moment too long, long enough to risk survival.

and then your gun lowers and your eyes lock and there’s something that passes there, between you.

you don’t know if love is the right way to describe what you feel towards joel. but if it is, then maybe you had just fallen a bit more in love with one another.

–

any mood that existed prior has been shot by the time that you get back into the guest room. with a long, heaving sigh, you start shucking your clothes off. there’s nothing wrong with them– no blood on them, no dirt, no grime, but the mere act of wearing them while you have killed someone makes your skin crawl.

joel exits the room but he returns with two new sets of clothes. he passes one set off to you before he starts changing himself, eyes heavy on one another.

and when you’re both in fresh clothes you inch towards one another and you collapse onto the bed together, and there’s nothing hesitant in the way that he pulls you to him, tugs your body close to his and wrap you up in his dutiful hold until you both drift off into a sleep, one not fueled by pills or booze, but by the safety of one another.

–

bill and frank send you with food (bill begrudgingly, frank happily) and a truck. your end stop is the omaha QZ, outside of which you’ll be meeting with a smuggler who joel has been in contact with since you knew him. but you were a long ways away from nebraska, and it would be many days on the road.

it’s two days in when you find the tape, rustling around through the truck. it was a forgotten thing beneath the passenger seat, and your entire face lights up when you see it. joel glances over at you with a furrowed brow and you lift jeff buckley’s grace. in tandem, you and joel say, “yes.”

mojo pin starts from the top and you find yourself gazing out the window. you prepare yourself for the northeastern beauty to turn into the plains of the midwest, reminding you of a life of before. 

you’re crossing into ohio when he asks, “you like this album?”

slowly, you nod your head. “it was all i would listen to,” you say, remembering who you were before. “maybe jeff buckley’s lucky. to have died before all of this started.”

joel stares at you for a long time. “do you really mean that?”

swallowing, you meet his gaze. do you mean it? “no,” you finally say softly. “there are things that i miss. people i miss. but i don’t think i’d be luckier dead.” you huff a laugh and look back out the window. “if i felt that way, it would be a bit silly to live the way i do.”

“and how do you mean?”

“we fight to live,” you say easily. “we fight to survive. we’re not people who want to give up, even if we pretend we are. being alive is having some hope, contrary to what you may believe.”

“never said i didn’t have hope,” joel begins, his voice all gruff.

“joel, please.” you look over at him and you smirk. “i know you. you may fool other people, but you’re not gonna fool me.”

the two of you fall into an easy silence at that point. there’s nothing pointed about what you said to him, and he doesn’t have any fight in him. he doesn’t want to fight with you, he never does. and, besides– despite what he says, he knows that you’re right.

at some point you fall asleep. you wake up to joel’s hand in your hair, his voice slowly coaxing you awake. you wake with a start, snapping up and looking around. “sorry,” you mumble, the last bits of sleep still clinging onto you for dear life. “didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“s’alright,” he mumbles back to you. “would probably good to stop for the night. we can take turns keeping watch.” he smirks. “it’s your turn first.”

you roll your eyes but he turns the car off and reclines his seat and you can’t help but stare at him. how does anyone expect you to be diligent and alert when you get an opportunity to stare at him uninterrupted? when he opens one eye to look at you you lean back and smile at him, shaking your head. “don’t do that,” you murmur, reaching your hand out and touching his hair, somehow soft still despite everything. “get some sleep.”

joel hums. “keep doin’ that,” he says while your hand is working through his hair. “feels good.”

you’re not going to deny joel what feels good. not for one moment.

–

the days pass faster than you were expecting them to. it’s just you and joel and the open road. occasionally you roll down the window and you stick your head out and let the wind rustle your hair, let jeff buckley fill your ears with his beautiful melodies and you pretend like you and joel are two normal people on a normal road trip together. the one thing that you will never be, you pretend you are.

an ominous quiet grows over you when you pass over the nebraska border. when you see that sign.

joel senses it in you instantly. and for a man who says he’s cold, who says he’s fucked up, who says that he doesn’t know if he can be what you need– you don’t feel that when he lays his big hand on your thigh and squeezes. and he doesn’t make a hasty exit with it, either. no, it lingers there. it stays there until your hand goes and lays on top of his, and only then does his hand turn over and he grasps your fingers. laces them with his own, and his thumb draws across the back of your wrist.

when you look over at him, you don’t see a man who’s fucked up. you see a man who’s fighting an eternal, internal battle with himself, to love and let himself be loved. you’ve been there. hell, you’re there now, fighting your own similar battle. but perhaps your armor is weaker, because this touch has melted you down to the bone and made you forget why you wanted to fight in the first place.

the words beg to release from your mouth. i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you so much i’m willing to risk the safety of not loving another soul.

“we’ll go wherever you need,” he speaks up. “and then we’ll go to omaha.”

with a curt nod of your head, you pull the map out of the glove compartment and you scour it. you see your teeny tiny hometown, and you circle it, passing it back to joel.

instantly, you recognize the way that he takes a turn, towards your home. towards your old life.

it’s in the stirred silence that you say, “they call seward the fourth of july city,” you smile a little bit at the memories. memories of fireworks and the smell of a grill and celebrating a patriotism and nationalism that you would resent every day after september 26th, 2003. “my friends and i used to joke about that city part. seward was barely a town, let alone a city.”

joel watches you intently. you wipe your nose with the back of your hand. “i lost my virginity on the fourth of july.” there’s something glassy behind your eyes. “one year before the outbreak. i was eighteen– all my friends joked that i was a late bloomer, but i didn’t care. my dad was a preacher and i always got teased because i was the cliche. the rebellious, preacher’s daughter. but that night…” your words drift and you suck in a big breath, watching as dusk overtakes the night ahead of you, casting joel in pretty purple hues. “he wasn’t a bad boy. he was kind. and he took care of me.”

“he was in my senior year english class. i was taking ap lit– didn’t even take the ap test. anyway– he had kind brown eyes, and it was his first time, too. we went into one of the cornfields in his truck after a big fire party. there were always the biggest parties on fourth of july, but i just wanted to be with him.” you pause and look out the windshield and his thumb is still a warm feeling over the pulse of your wrist. “we kept seeing each other that summer. but then i went to college and so did he and… well, the rest happened. i don’t know what happened to him. but i like to believe that he’s somewhere out there and when he starts getting nostalgic, he tells his…” you look at joel. “whoever his you is, and he smiles a little. i just hope that.”

he squeezes your wrist, once more, before he lets go to put both hands on the wheel. he pulls off and you recognize that he’s pulling into the parking lot of a boarded up church, and god if that isn’t hilariously ironic. “thank you,” he says after you’re parked, looking right into your eyes. “i hope that, too.”

hope. what a funny thing.

[rex101111]

Ratchet and Clank size matters got added to the PSN store and I got a a major nostalgia pang so I went "eh, why not" and quickly played through it. And I do mean quickly, I know it was a PSP title but dang, last time I finished a R&C game this quick i played Nexus. Anyway, the thing that struck me about this game is that Ratchet is...a bit of an asshole here. And that struck me as odd because for the last few entries...he isn't.

Like this is still early series Ratchet, still on the PS2/PSP, released just before the first PS3 title, which was in retrospect a bit of an incredibly soft reboot. In the newer games, Ratchet is a fairly straight forward protag, nice, willing to help, only a little bit sarcastic if he's really strapped for time or dealing with someone especially annoying. Early Ratchet? Early Ratchet was a jackass, a dick, a selfish, quick tempered loner that only went on this quest because there was a tangible, direct benefit to him specifically. Seriously, in the first game Ratchet couldn't go two sentences without insulting somebody, and that's when he's in a good mood. In act 2 he's even worse, gnashing his teeth at everyone he talks to and threatening to sell Clank for scrap. It takes hours of in game time and half a dozen levels before Ratchet finally chills out, and a few more levels before he actually resolves to act like any sort of hero, and even that only happens after something he personally cares about gets threatened. Ratchet could give a damn, he can be convinced to help people, but he's still a selfish person who needs the situation rubbed in his nose before he realizes how dire it is. Clank having faith in him, throughout the entire game, even when he's being a dick, even when Clank himself is furious with him, meant something. When in the penultimate level he says "that's the Ratchet I always knew was there" and Ratchet brushes him off, you buy it, that beneath this sharp outside there's someone with the capacity to be a hero, an actual hero, a hero who isn't selfless, but one capable of overcoming his selfishness when it matters most.

Back when the first game came out, people complained about this, about their platformer mascot protag being a huge dick, and even the very next game addressed this by toning him down a smidge, but Ratchet in the PS2 trilogy is still very much not a perfect sunshine person. He's very sarcastic, pretty cynical, is very quick to call other people on their bullshit, and still has a very short temper. (Plasma city, anyone?) Ratchet had texture to him, he bounced off the much more straightforwardly nice Clank in a lot of ways, their friendship felt like it had weight and meant something because these two had so many differences between them that the fact they did get along so well and cared about each other so much showed that their friendship was genuine. I like the newer Ratchet and Clank games, played every one of them, but I've never been really happy with the direction they took with Ratchet. Each game made him nicer, friendlier, smoothing down his edges. And the reboot game had it the worst, they retold the first story, where Ratchet was at his worst and a major thread of the plot was him learning to get over his bullshit, but had the sanded down kitty cat of the later games instead of having confidence in their early work. Dickhead Ratchet worked, he had a place and it gave him a place to grow, while still maintaining his inherit sharpness. Ratchet should get to be an asshole again, just for a bit, let him get angry, properly. Sure, he's a hero who's saved two galaxies three times over and then some, but he did that while being a sarcastic little shit who made a joke about a plumber's ass crack showing and fired rockets at people while complaining about how high the prices are everywhere he went.

I dunno, maybe its a bit too late in the game to say this, but something got lost in the shuffle a while back, and getting a reminder of what was simply put it into perspective for me.

[lurking-gyomei-fan]

Yakuza!Hashira AU Thoughts

This has been floating in my head for a very long time and I finally compiled my thoughts on what role would each Hashira play if they were in a yakuza group. ...I also didn't research too heavily into the actual structure of the yakuza so please don't come at me for that lol Feel free to use these ideas also, but I'd love to read or see what you do with them.

Beware of long post- don't say I didn't warn you.

These ideas play more into the chivalry aspect of Yakuza. The government has too much red tape and is unable to enforce any meaningful rules or changes in the community.  They also cannot be mobilized as fast as the yakuza, who often take matters into their own hands to provide immediate results.  The government/police view the other yakuza and the underworld as a necessary evil and impossible to truly eradicate, and would much rather deal with the Ubuyashiki's group because they are much more reasonable...but every once in a while they need to be reminded why the Ubuyashiki Group has lasted for centuries.

The Ubuyashiki group is an old, powerful group in the Underworld, but not the oldest- that would belong to the 12 Kizuki group that is run by Muzan Kibutsuji.  The Ubuyashiki group was a sub sect of the Kizuki group a century ago, but in a violent and bloody revolt, they separated and ruled over a different area instead.  They have clashed multiple times throughout history, but time and modern technology has mellowed out their conflict into a small but intense rivalry. 

Ubuyashiki clan: 

Kagaya Ubuyashiki: The sickly but charismatic head of the clan, assisted by his wife Amane who steps in during days when he is too sick.  (Please note that Kagaya is older for the sake of this AU.)

Usually women are not held in high regard amongst yakuza, but in the Ubuyashiki clan, women are treated as equal.  Amane is a true partner and extension of Kagaya’s will. Between Kagaya’s incredible foresight and direction, and Amane’s poise and organization, they have built the Ubuyashiki clan to its strongest point in its entire history.   Other Yakuza clans have tried to slow the explosive growth of their clan by dismissing Amane during meetings when she is present, but she is fiercely defended by all of the Hashira. 

Gyomei-  Second in command; Punishment / Rule enforcer.   He is the external representative when it's too dangerous for Lady Amane to fill in for Kagaya.   When Kagaya is present, he acts as the main bodyguard. He is the most trusted confidant for both Amane and Kagaya, and will occasionally watch their kids so they can have a date within the compound. 

Gyomei had grown up in an orphanage where food was regularly witheld as a form as punishment, and funds were embezzled to fund the principal's lavish lifestyle. Gyomei relied heavily on religion to give hope to the other children and stay strong in the cruel environment they lived in. Gyomei would often go hungry to give food to the smaller kids, and used his tall build to physically shield them when the adults would vent out their frustrations on them. It was during such a night when one of the "caretakers" was in a violent, drunken spree and Gyomei was forced into a life or death situation. In that moment, he chose to save the children and himself-and beat the attacker to death with his bare hands.

Ubuyashiki's group happened to arrive that evening, intending to collect the gambling debts of the principal and other staff, even ready to charge a higher rate after discovering the origin of the funds and the extent of the abuse- but walked into a homicide scene instead. Kagaya sensed the physical and emotional strength within Gyomei, who had resolved himself to be turned in to the police for his crime, and convinced Gyomei to join his group in exchange for taking over the management of the orphanage and covering up the death of the caretaker.

10 years later, he is akin to a judge with the highest level of authority within the Group (other than Kagaya and Amane) to decide how punishment is to be rendered or how a high level conflict is to be resolved, especially for internal matters or people within their own organization. Despite his intimidating presence and powerful frame, he is patient and fair. He is diligently follows the laws that Kagaya put in place, and continues to be pious despite the sometimes gruesome nature of his job. He has a large, intricate tattoo of a serene Buddha on his back.

Sanemi- main external punishment enforcer.  In charge of handling external conflicts with rival groups, or hunting down people with outstanding debts to the group. Leads the most violent group and is well known on the streets and instantly recognizable from all the scars he has gained from the many fights he had been involved in through the years. Sanemi also has connections with the police department via Genya, who works for the police department with his friends, Tanjiro, Zenitsu, and Inosuke. 

Sanemi was desperate to keep his family afloat after the death of his abusive father and taking care of his mother, who had become mentally unwell. Sanemi had found himself in a similar situation to Gyomei- forced to save his family one night, wrestling with his mother to prevent her from hurting her own children during an unusual fit of violent mania. It had happened so quickly that no one could tell what happened. She might have tripped over the futon; or perhaps she lost her footing on the tatami mat or on the slick pool of blood that had dripped from Genya's facial wound- but regardless of how, she ended up falling out of their 4 story apartment window and slipping into a coma after crashing onto the roof of a parked car.

With the medical debts rising and already saddled with the debts from his deceased father, Sanemi turned to the Yakuza to get cash quick and take care of the immediate needs of their family, and eventually he would discretely pay for his mother's hospital bills under the guise of a charity organization. Knowing that any association with the yakuza could harm the wellbeing and social standing of his siblings, Sanemi intentionally lashed out at them so they would leave and find new lives elsewhere. Only Genya stayed, worried about his brother and knowing that he shouldered their entire family burden. Sanemi continued to harshly push away Genya to keep him away from the Underworld, and nearly had an aneurysm when he saw Genya roaming around with a rival yakuza group- only to find out (courtesy of being tackled by Tanjiro lol) that Genya was working deep undercover for the police. Deep down, Sanemi is proud of his brother for finding his own way and having a legitimate job. Despite his angry bluster, Sanemi would take extra pains to secretly ensure Genya’s safety as he continues his undercover missions. (The rest of the Hashira know. They just don't say anything because they're tired of hearing him scream his denial.)

Tengen- head of information gathering.   He compiles reports to give to Kagaya/Amane.  His 3 wives are in charge of multiple avenues of information: one to keep track of internal investigations (alleged wrong doing, checking for spies, etc), 2 others for tailing people/undercover work, and processing all the data by working with Muichiro’s team. Tengen himself will go out on investigation missions if needed.   He also owns multiple high class escort clubs and bars, perfect grounds for finding the latest juicy gossip. He also runs several flashy entertainment companies ranging from legit show business to shell companies.

Muichiro- head of digital/cyber security and hacking.  A prodigy with an incredible ability to process information and create programs that can sift through an ungodly amount of data.  The team under Muichiro handles offensive cyber attacks and regular upkeep on their digital security.  Muichiro finds it fun to hack into some rival companies owned by the Kizuki Group and lock some of their accounts.  They know it's him because it forces them to play a near impossible password game...and it helps that there is a chibi icon of him with an akanbe expression.  Muichiro has caused them great financial pain because they have to keep buying more resources to get around his cyber attacks.

Obanai- Main arms dealer/broker.   Obanai uses his familial connection with the underworld to provide a steady supply of weapons and defensive supplies, and handles the logistics of securing the supply chain along with his partner and lover, Mitsuri. 

His family had been a sub group of the Ubuyashiki clan, choosing to follow the Ubuyashiki Group during the split with the Kizuki Group. They made many connections through the years, and would ruthlessly exploit anyone and everyone- including their own children. His family had become overly greedy and arrogant, believing their vast connections would help them succeed in overthrowing the previous head of the Ubuyashiki group, but they were discovered before the coup could be completed. They had tried to set up Obanai, their own child, as the instigator- but Kagaya, the young master who had taken charge of the incident on behalf of his father knew the truth: the person who had reported the family's misdeeds was Obanai himself, after catching wind of their plan to sacrifice him if their coup failed.

Obanai struggled for a while with the guilt of destroying his own family with his admission, but knew that it was the best action. Witnessing Mitsuri's positive outlook and her love of life allowed him to be at peace with his decision, easing the guilt of removing himself from a toxic family situation and finding joy in the small, quiet victories in daily living. He often wears a face mask because of a facial scar given by his family, a last form of physical torture before they were dispatched for good by Gyomei under Kagaya's orders. He also wears the face mask because mitsuri gave it to him and it was better than the wide strips of cloth he was using before.

Obanai dotes on his pet white snake, Kabamaru, who is often seen draped about his shoulders. There was a time when Gyomei was very upset because Kabamaru had gotten out of his room one evening and got dangerously close to some stray kittens that Gyomei was not so secretly fond of.

Mitsuri- head of supply and distributing; also manages legitimate cover front.   Her team works with Obanai to provide other basic supplies for the group and arranges transportation and  deliveries by using her food business to camouflage the underground trade. Was almost scouted to be a j-pop music idol but she liked food too much. 

It was for the better, because the company that tried to scout her was actually a front for adult films. They would pretend to hire young and beautiful girls with the promise of helping them debut as an idol girl group, only to exploit and traffic them. The management company that tried to scout Mitsuri tried to pressure her to sign with them by harassing her parent's small convenience store. Tengen, who has huge sway in the entertainment industry did not appreciate a small group having the audacity to try to do business in his territory, without even the courtesy of introducing themselves. Tengen and his wives ruthlessly exposed them after a week of research and inadvertently saved Mitsuri's parents.

Inspired by how cool Tengen and his wives were when they swooped in to save the day, Mitsuri decided she wanted to help prevent girls from falling for the same scheme that nearly ruined her. Her family also gave their thanks and decided to back the Ubuyashiki group, considering they saved their beloved daughter and responded faster than the police, who had dismissed them outright. Because of the nature of her role with the Group, she found herself working together with Obanai often. After months of courting, they officially became a couple.

Kyojuro- legitimate cover front; assists with finding other assets like promising business ventures, real estate, etc.  Has a great relation with the police force and within the community and city.   His business is sometimes used to help launder money, but he is far more useful being on the right side of the law. That isn't to say that Kyo isn't willing to get his hands dirty if it means the safety of the group and civilians- he is very competent and efficient in making rival groups disappear.

Kyo has an incredible buisness sense; he is able to quickly assess and rapidly consider the pros and cons of a situation, the boldness to confidently make a decision in the heat of the moment and with expert timing, and the foresight to create the opportunities to help himself or his clients shine.  Kyo is passionate about the community he serves, and wholeheartedly believes that building others up is how entire comunities grow exponentially. His companies often fund charities and law firms dedicated to helping low income victims find legal justice. He is regularly invited to speak at schools or colleges and other community functions to inspire others. Kyo is proud of his family's long history of working with the Ubuyashiki family to keep the balance between regular society and the underworld.   

Giyuu- Bookkeeper, Head of Finance.  He is in charge of keeping track of the money flow in and out of the group.  He is detail oriented and hard working. He has a hard time communicating his thoughts so he'd rather not speak much, but he doesn't mind other people's company.  Not easily swayed and hard to bribe, he takes his job seriously and efficiently. He is, however, weak towards acts of kindness or favors done for him, and will generously return those ten fold. Most department heads dislike him purely because they must constantly make their case on why they need more budget, and Giyuu makes them submit the proper paperwork and will review it meticulously, even sending the paperwork back if its incomplete and staring placidly back at the person who inevitably comes into his office yelling expletives at him for it.  The quarterly arguments with Sanemi regarding higher budgets for external raids are explosive, and Gyomei regularly needs to step in to settle Sanemi down.  

Kanae- Head of medical division.  Can also harvest organs with a smile :)  Is well connected and obtains medical supplies through their cover front organization called 'The Butterfly Mansion’, where they assist children in need for complicated medical cases.  Together with Shinobu, they’ve been able to make great medical advancements for childhood cures.   

Shinobu- drug maker/identifyer, responsible for identifying tampered or dangerous drugs. She is the head of the research and pharmaceutical division of The Butterfly Mansion. While the Ubuyashiki group does not prevent its sub groups from distributing drugs, there are rules that are heavily enforced: no distribution of tampered or mixed drugs, no selling to minors, and adults are responsible for their own debts.  If they can't pay, they go after any asset owned by the debtor.  If all they have left is the family, they can “negotiate” (still forcing, let's be real) with the family to work and payback the initial amount with a fixed interest and a payback time that depends on how badly the debtor fucked up.  Payback means working for the group as a servant/mule/supplier, or whatever capacity they feel they can assist with.  The Ubuyashiki group aren't the type to cut off fingers, (what good is a severed finger to them?), but they will beat your ass to teach a lesson.  Aoi and girls also work as internal supply distributors, and they assist with daily upkeep at the Butterfly Mansion.

Shinobu and Kanae were children of a wealthy doctor who was well respected in the medical community. Dr. Kocho believed in the oath he took as a doctor and did not turn away anyone in need of medical care. He was a secret friend to the previous head of the Ubuyashiki head, who had approached him to help his deathly sick son, Kagaya. While Dr. Kocho was unable to fully cure Kagaya and he would remain sickly for the rest of his life, he was at least out of danger of imminent death. Kagaya's father was moved by Dr. Kocho's dedication to his son despite being of a yakuza family, and they became life long friends. He even visited and celebrated with Dr. Kocho's family after Kanae and Shinobu were born. Kagaya's father avenged his friend by mercilessly destroying the group that had ambushed Dr. Kocho and kidnapped his daughters, and mobilizing his entire group to track down and secure the little girls. Gyomei was part of the group that infiltrated the enemy group and personally carried young Shinobu on his back and lead Kanae by the hand amidst an intense firefight, protecting them the entire way to the extraction point. From that point on, the two have been under the direct protection of the head of the Ubuyashiki Group.

Those are all my thoughts for now-feel free to use these ideas if you want but I'd love to be tagged in your work to see how its utilized. any likes/reblogs are also appreciated. :)

[sirenthegalaxycollector]

Criticisms of Veilguard

After playing the series for most of my adult life, I can confidently say that this is one of the few games where I could feel how much the leads did not want to be making this game and simply didn't respect or enjoy the world they were working within. I strongly believe that both these things contributed to the lack of understanding of the societal intricacies of the world and the disdain with which they consider their consumers. Its a miss on so many levels, but for me, personally, its the obvious corporate propaganda.

In a time where our real world is experiencing fascist ideals spreading like a wildfire fed by the fear of disrupting the status quo, anything claiming to be art media has a responsibility to try and give people a way to explore their fears. To try and open their perspectives to a different viewpoint, or to model options other than staying the course simply because of fear. This could have been a game about different informal organizations coming together to ease the world through a drastic change, and exploring the consequences of that change. It could have examined Tevinter's relationship with the Evanuris. Could have explored the ways in which they have historically profited off hiding the origins of their magical and technological advancement by building a society that marginalizes the very races who's pasts they plunder for their successes. Could have shown organizations like the Lucerni, supported by unions and guilds, of which the shadow dragons could have been one, working together to reform Tevinter culture over the last decade, setting the stage for them to be better situated to handle a situation like the Veil coming down. Or perhaps making massive gains in the aftermath, because it would be pretty hard for a mageocracy to continue to maintain status quo when magic is more accessible. On the subject of the Shadow Dragons, I strongly dislike that they named this anti-slavery organization that, because its just too close to the hierarchical titles of a certain racist cult in the u.s.a. Snakes Serpents would have been a better choice, there's the alliteration with shadows and, more importantly, it would have been a cool little nod to indigenous American cultures (and maybe others but I am most familiar with the mythologies of the Americas). Not to mention, Fenris should have been in this organization, he is alive in canon and would absolutely help organize slave rebellions. There is no justice when the Veil remains. Mythal and Solas made the Titans tranquil. That is where the Rite of Tranquility must come from, taking the lore from prior games into account. No wonder he disapproves so greatly in DAI when you use that option. With the Veil left standing, we still have the Titan/Dwarven souls trapped in the Fade. There is no way that Harding, the Inquisitor, or Rook would find that an acceptable solution after everything they have learned. I do not think anyone in the Veilguard would consider that acceptable. Yet, Veilguard completely avoids the topic of tranquility, it isn't even in the game's glossary. It is hard to not see that as a way of denying new players full knowledge of the atrocity committed against the Titans so they consider the Veil remaining just. Considering the real world parallels between the dwarves and elves of Thedas, and various ethnic groups of our world, the decision is, at best, poorly considered in its implications. In what world would being offered the chance to reunite these peoples with the soul of their cultures and choosing to keep them divided be considered just or right? Thedas, I guess.

This game had the potential to dig in and explore the biases present not only in the teams working on them, but also our world at large, something they were already primed to do with the set up of the previous games. Instead we got a game that reinforced the status quo, that framed societal change as a mistake, and reparations of any kind as the responsibility of the past, divorced from the people who continue to profit from the atrocities. I do not think that this messaging is coincidental. It is too much aligned with the interests of the corporate class that has eroded our societies so quickly. I don't know if less apathy would have changed the ultimate message. Perhaps the biases of society were too overwhelming to confront in the face of all that is happening around us. Or perhaps decision makers were unable to recognize the biases they held. Whatever the case, the game did not capitalize on the potential offered by the stories that came before it and that is disappointing.

[itsclydebitches]

There's something I find pretty messed up about Little's part of the story. Penny is dead. The story puts focus on this and how it's effecting Ruby and is why Little's death is what breaks Ruby. The volume ends though with Little coming back so it's a happy end, right? Except Penny is still dead and never coming back. And they are going back to a world where people die when they are killed. It's like "Forget about your dead friend cause we got one where your actions don't have consequences."

Yeah, that's an issue with the Ascension arc as a whole. As discussed previously, we're already starting from a place of confusing messages because the world can't decide what Ascension exactly is. Some beings lose all their memories and (arguably as a result) their sense of self. Some just seem to get cool upgrades. Some change in such monumental ways they probably can't go back to their old life even if they wanted to (can Somewhat ever live with the other mice again now that they're like fifty times their size?). And some, Like Ruby, undergo no changes at all except a convenient and ambiguous ~emotional clarity~

So Ascension is a catch-all "Anything could happen" situation where all options, no matter how shady they appear to the audience, are eventually presented as #good by the show... except I'm 100% sure they only come across that way BECAUSE they happen to side characters we're not invested in/are leaving behind. Would people honestly have been happy if Ruby:

Completely forgot who she was (King)

Got some crazy physical upgrade that would fundamentally change the power dynamics of the show/other her in Remnant/imply that she's a faunus to strangers if she got some animal trait (the Caterpillar/Somewhat)

Came away with a new "purpose" and decided she didn't want to be a Huntress anymore (the Paper Pleasers)

There's a reason Ruby did not change except to inexplicably regain her confidence because the show and on some level recognizes that these options are indeed an awful kind of "death," something that would be bad to do to your main character (baring a monumental shift in the show). When we talk about the importance of growth (in real life and in fiction) we're referencing a context in which a person changes slowly over time, adapting to each change in a natural way, all of it a combination of environmental factors and personal agency. To just have some magical tree instantly change you without consent, making you "better" by its own, undefined parameters... that's not wonderful, that's horrifying! But as you say, even if we overlook all that and come at Ascension from a direction the story wants, accepting and praising such an aspect of this world... Team RWBY doesn't live in that world. What did they learn from this then? Yay for people who live in alternate realities because they get to become "better" rather than dying? Good for them, but our friends are still dead and our lives are still on the line.

If RWBY wanted this arc they not only needed to reeeeeally clean up what Ascension is/how it works, but decide on the message they're trying to impart. Because what we got, on a literal level, is Ruby being depressed enough to choose ending (that version of) her life, instead being rewarded for that choice by a pantheon she's kinda fighting against (in a way that both skips her development and ignores every other implied rule of Ascension), and is returning to a world where none of this matters because death is a Permanent Thing That She's Going to Be Seeing a Whole Lot More of Soon.

Penny is dead. Many other allies are dead. Weiss' Kingdom is gone. Salem is set to exterminate the rest of Remnant, and instead of dealing with any of that Volume 9 gave Team RWBY a (literal) fantasy world where everything is just fine, actually. Wouldn't it be cool if no one actually died and whenever it seems like they did they'd just come back as an upgraded version of themselves? Yeah! Too bad that's not the reality they're heading back to.

Honestly, the way to clean up all of Volume 9 for me is to slap a "It was just a dream" disclaimer on it. Volume 10 we learn that Ruby had a crazy, contradictory fever dream post-battle in which the biggest trauma she's ever faced is magically fixed by her subconscious? Yeah, that tracks. More than taking Volume 9 at face value.

[theomnicode]

Who is Blast? How to character build step by step

Warning: Long post, tl;dr at the bottom

We've seen more and more of Blast lately, so Blast appears far less enigmatic in the manga compared to his webcomic self. I do like it personally that such a character is slowly dripfeeded to us so we grown to understand this character more and more in little instances.

One of the first proper appearances of Blast (besides silhouette) in the manga is when he appears as a memory to Amai-mask and helps him calm down, full space suit and cape and all sans his current glasses, which would put him before he sent Empty void packing in the timeline and snatched his glasses. (Chapter 135: Disgrace and fundamentals)

His second appearance is when he comes to save kid Tatsumaki from her cell and he seems to be doing something extraordinary there. (Chapter 137: Resonance.)

Blast may have the ability to read minds or surface thoughts or emphatic bonding with a person, in order to clearly see that Tatsumaki has a younger sister, and then encourages Tatsumaki to take care of her. It may be related to Blast sixth sense which allowed him to sense dimensional blade coming from hyperspace.

However, he also gives Tatsumaki some bad advice, being so independent hero who surfs across galaxies or something with his gang, he just told Tatsumaki to deal with her problems on her own and not rely on others. That can be quite damaging for a small child who still needs parental guidance. That and he does not seem know how to treat little kids in general. Sure, he may be speaking from experience but Genos came to Tatsumaki's aid and proved him wrong.

So far, he's still seemingly competent and kind enough, if a bit too independent and rough around the edges. He tries to be caring but does not seem to always know how, at least around little kids like Tatsu was.

His third proper appearance is when he comes to save Saitama, Flashy flash and Manako from the god's chamber where time moves slower when he portals inside. (Chapter 139: Abyss)

He seems equal amount concerned, confident in his abilities and little playful from the way he spins the cube. Not to mention powerful because the cube is extremely heavy and he can seemingly make it ignore gravity altogether. Blast hasn't shown us many abilities as of yet but you can tell this guy is very strong from the way he completely outblitzed Flashy Flash and portals like it's nobodys business. That alongside his sensing ability makes him quite powerful.

Blast then proceeds to portal our underground heroes back to ground level.

Blast appears once more in concern of Tatsumaki who had just been visited by OPM God and he's amazed and proud that Tatsumaki resisted OPM God's invitation for power. (Chapter 156: Divine Retribution). He acts like a surrogate dad to Tatsumaki, though whether they actually have any kind of familiar relationship is unknown, even if he told Saitama and flashy to say hi to them in his stead. .

Still a mystery how this kind of powerful dude got so many wounds in such short period of time, but he seems to imply that he had been fighting OPM God itself to hold it back. Blast honestly has middle-aged dad vibes at this point and seems pretty competent at his job. He has plenty battle scars to prove his experience of actually making it back home from even difficult fights and live for another day.

Blast gets some proper amount of screentime during the Garou fight however, where he and his strong abilities really starts to shine.

First thing he does is state the facts that Garou could possibly destroy the entire planet and its inhabitants and he needs to know how to proceed with the fight, because there will be less blood shed if Garou just came quietly to his portal. He goes straight to the point and does not mess around but he's also decent at negotiating. (Chapter 166: Squared)

Blast also asseses the situation fairly quickly, despite having only been on the scene for no more than few minutes, which makes it fairly obvious that he has a keen mind too. So far he seems like a kind, competent, strong, reliable and smart hero and no wonder he's 1# hero in OPM world.

When Genos attacks, Blast takes that opportunity to attack Garou back with his Gravity Knuckles and make him release his hostage in one go, that belays his strategic mind and he even manages to pummel Garou into his portal and shuts it. It could have worked too, if Garou just wasn't able to instantly copy everything, which was something Blast could not have accounted for. When Garou attacks with consecutive nuclear fission and gravity knuckles in tandem, Blast is still fast enough to portal direct them into the air and then suction the nuclear devastation inside another portal, proving he's also decently good at multitasking.

Blast also has his priorities straight when he wants to transfer everyone in the vicinity out first so they don't end up dying from radiation, showing he can still operate with sound mind even when under duress. Yet the one thing he is lacking in because he's so independant that he does not seemingly want to ask for help.

At this point, someone should have to be summoned keep Garou busy while he portals everyone away, because he really can't focus on doing both at the same time, with Garou being so strong, even if he were good at multitasking. Blast has leadership capabilities, but he does not know or want to delegate, even if he does not seem to be prideful or boasty about his own abilities.

Things are seemingly going his way but then...then his heroic persona seems to get little cracks on it, because he sure as hell did not bail out Genos for a second time. Maybe because he thought Genos was already dead before he could react when Garou pulled his core away? Who knows...but all Saitama saw was that everyone was dead and Genos was torn in half, with Blast standing there doing nothing. The least he could have done is not let Garou practically desecrate Genos's body like that, which could have been enough to actually save him too.

Not very heroic of him, with his space-time manipulation abilities.

Especially considering he has fast enough relfexes to make a barrier around Saitama and Garou during Serious Punch squared and portal them away before they could destroy the Earth. Doesn't really add up or make logical sense to me that Blast would just abandon Genos, but what is done is done.

Blast appears once more when Flash, Saitama and Manako go to meet with Sitch to ask if they can talk to Blast and he just happens to be there because they are experimenting with humans turned monsters to see if they can be turned back into humans.

Blast has taken note of Saitama's abnormal strenght in a good way, but he's also thinking about assessing him because he did not sense any malice in Saitama. (Chapter 195: Tenninto)

Interesting ability to note that Blast seems to confirm here that he has some kind of emotional/emphatic sensing ability, because he can sense malice and also Empty Void's attack from hyperspace later. Just overall some kind of sixth sense he also used to see that Tatsu had a younger sister when he touched her head and read her mind in some fashion or maybe sensed emotional connection.

Blast rebuffs Flashy's attempts to join the hunt on OPM God, because he is both independent, does not think Flash is ready for such a clash and he's also feeling responsible for the kids taken by Ninja villages. (Chapter 196: Threat)

However, the timeline just does not add up. Flash is already 25 years old and he was born in the ninja village, while Blast has been said to have fought OPM god for 20 years and fought and wounded Empty Void 15 years ago. Meanwhile, Empty Void is the ninja village founder, so Blast must've known about this.

He's also seen to be buddy buddy with Empty void before his monsterization, but Empty Void was the village leader all this time and Blast never did anything about it, well, except maybe hold hands with the devil itself. Perhaps he found out 15 years ago and decided to do something about it. Must be some wound to take whopping 15 years to heal up from though. (Chapter 173: Secret intel).

Regardless, Blast is omitting information because he knows people would look at him in bad light if they knew he was working with Ninja village leader when they were doing bad deeds under his nose. He needs to keep up the facade probably so nobody loses trust in their heroes.

Not a whole lot would be more damaging to his reputation than the knowledge that he was bit more than buddies with the devil itself. Saitama and Flashy Flash already threw slag on his rep by implying Blast fought Cosmic Garou while naked lmao. (Chapter 169: Daybreak)

(How adorable, they're definitely holding hands, otherwise Empty Void would be holding the map with TWO hands, it just means his right hand was occupied)

More cracks appear in that shining armor of Blast being virtuous number 1# hero, when he seems less and less heroic as we know more about him.

However, the worst is probably when he shows no visible signs of disturbance at Hamukichi's plight and watches indifferently, after suggesting with a smirk on his face that Flash and Saitama can watch as well. Interesting to note is that this characterization was different in the rewritten chapters where he has visible reaction and he's the one to observe how to turn back Monsterization. (Chapter 196: Threat)

He really does not even bat an eye in the current canon verse, unlike his rewritten self who seems more emphatic.

Blast had originally seemed kind, competent, strong and emphatic, but now he only appears very strong because his kind, fatherly facade has a bit too many cracks on it.

Scratch that strong too, because Empty void is using him as laughing stock after he absorbed Cosmic Garou's powers. (chapter 197: What only I can do). Blast says he hasn't just been twiddling his thumbs, but compared to this Empty Void who can create parallel timelines with couple ninjutsu signs, he seems woefully unmatched. Even worse, Saitama seems entirely too sure that Blast can actually handle Void...but Void has gotten even stronger than before and Blast may be even overly confident in his own ability to take Void alive. It will 100% come back to bite him unless he busts out something even stronger than space-time manipulation and 6th sense.

Blasts last appearance so far is him coming to knock some sense into Empty void, literally. (Chapter 201: You pass)

Blast then proceeds to show he also has a silly, endearing human side when he blows a raspberry at Empty void and then contemplates how dangerous it almost got because he lost visual contact when he followed Flash around and almost started to panic haha. Then he proceeds to grab both Sonic and Flash into a group hug and gongratulating them on a job well done.

He makes one crucial mistake though: he thinks Flash broke out of the cube's mind control on his own, when it was only Sonic and his fist who broke him out before he could accept. It will probably come back to bite him in the ass.

So overall, Blast seems like competent, kind, strong, emphatic, funny and strong hero...at least that is how one could perceive him if we did not know better that he's hiding something important and he has the capacity to be amoral and even unscrupulous. Webcomic readers know.

But hey, least the space daddy is not one dimensional character nor too mysterious anymore. Hue hue.

I'm glad Blast has been fleshed out in the manga this much. It allows the readers to relate to him so much more when his character has been actually fleshed out.

-*-

Tl;dr Overall Blast is very strong by using space-time abilities and 6th sense, competent, emphatic but also too independent to a fault and he's hiding some big secrets considering Empty void, the ninja village leader.

[blorger]

Hi! First of all, I want to say that I enjoy reading your pieces of meta, a lot of them made my day and I find myself thinking back to them a lot. Great work 💓

Second, I want to ask you a question: What do you think are important actions made my Draco that created butterfly effects for the hp story? like for example there was a post that talked about how Draco fixing the cabinet can be connected to him taking Neville's remember ball and egging Harry about it in the first book.

I think it's a lil bit iffy that Draco is considered just a random side character by a lot of readers when a lot of his actions affect Harry and the story in a lot of ways.

Thank you very much friend 💗, I mostly write to exorcise the demon within me that won't rest until all Facts are documented so I'm endlessly delighted by other people's appreciation for my craft.

As for your question, I'm not exactly the best person to ask because Draco is my favorite character and I feel like I can't ever be objective when it comes to all things Malfoy; that said, I believe Draco is extremely significant to the plot in both intended and unintended ways.

jkr likely came up with the concept of Draco because she needed a school-aged foil for Harry but Draco also acts as conduit to introduce deeper, more adult themes in the story via his father, one of the first big bads of the series.

Intentional or not, Draco ends up being very vital to the structure of the books, a sort of middleman between the school world and the adult world who helps in making a lot of the conflicts in the books feel more real and immediate to Harry. Like, what makes Harry care about wizard racism? It's seeing his rival and one of his friends directly involved in the issue that makes him gain awareness of the situation. Draco is a constant in the books and his presence and beliefs make the situation in the wizarding world feel more personal to Harry. The kerfuffle at the the Quidditch World cup is more dangerous and immediate because we know it's Draco's dad who is out there doing it.

On a deeper level, Draco's presence and actions guide the course of the story from the very beginning. if Harry isn't immediately turned off by Draco and his elitist ways, he's less likely to care about a whole host of things, starting from where the sorting hat wants to put him. Would Harry and Ron's friendship be as strong as it is without a common enemy to unite them? in the first books especially, the two are equally invested in the whole rivalry thing, with Ron even taking the reins at times. Would Harry, Ron and Hermione even be friends without Draco? the troll incident that cemented the trio's friendship was caused by Draco's midnight duel challenge (and its aftermath) and the last conversation the three have before Hermione steals off to the troll bathroom is about how Hermione is displeased that Harry's rule-breaking got him a broom (which Draco is also responsible for).

Every major conflict in the book has shades of Draco, from the most lighthearted and comedic of scenes to the most charged and grave ones. From indadvertedly helping Harry gain confidence in his patronus with his DIY dementor all the way to pretending not to recognise him at the Manor, Draco's actions are key to the plot.

TL;DR: Draco is a linchpin in the whole series and I won't hear any arguments to the contrary.

xoxo

[whchenlvr]

omgg hellooooo ! just had an idea for a hc and was wondering if u could write about it!! so the hc would be about the union boys dating the reader but they gotta keep it secret bc they are kinda afraid someone would use their gf as blackmail or hurt them eventho they can defend their so (i hope u get me hfjfj) and if u wanna do one with the eunjang boys i thought they probably could be dating someone who is close to the union or wtv !! its up to u ofc

secretly dating him ;

weak hero x fem!reader

donald na

➤ he’s scared. like genuinely terrified by the thought of anyone finding out who you are, especially since he just declared war against eunjang, and his union is falling apart

➤ you’re thankful that he feels safe enough with you to confide these thoughts to you, and you know how dangerous it can be for him

➤ before, he would have kept your relationship a secret to show his strength, but now, he’s unsure how far people will be willing to go to hurt him, and he doesn’t want to take any chances with you

➤ sometimes it makes you sad that you have to sneak around, but despite all that, he treats you like a princess

➤ “y/n, do you want to rent a movie?” “want me to order us some dinner, darling? or would you prefer if i cooked for you?”

➤ it’s definitely not always easy, but donald makes you feel you feel safe and loved no matter the situation <3

gray yeon

➤ he didn’t mean to fall for you. he didn’t want to, either

➤ you were someone close to the union. the only reason gray contacted you was in hopes of you being able to help him in taking the union down, and though you refused, you found his ambition attractive

➤ you decided to help him after wolf betrayed the union by joining eunjang. it was the perfect opportunity for you to play both fields, and you did

➤ “i overheard kingsley say he was going to try and have ben abducted before the fight to make it seem like he ditched you guys.” “what? where do they plan to take him?”

➤ you take part in helping your boyfriend train eunjang to fight against the union; giving them little tips and tricks about each member they may have to fight

➤ when gray has every possible outcome thought up and planned in his head, he sits you down and finally takes a second to breathe. “what if this doesn’t work?” you knit your brows in confusion and look at him as he continued, “will you be okay?”

➤ you have to assume him that nothing will happen to you, just like how nothing will happen to wolf. you don’t know how true that really is, but it’s enough to calm gray

ben park

➤ he saved you, and now you feel you’re returning the favor

➤ you’d been wanting to leave the union for years, but it’s impossible with your family ties. because of this, you had to keep your relationship with ben a secret

➤ you thought it would be ben trying harder to keep you a secret, but it turns out to be the opposite in your case

➤ you’re so worried that ben will get hurt if anyone finds out you’re dating. the part of the union you’re affiliated with isn’t as forgiving as the portions under donald

➤ “y/n… i hate seeing you stress yourself out with this… it isn’t healthy.” “ben, i won’t let anything happen to you… i wouldn’t survive if it did and it was my fault.” “aw, baby. lucky for us, i’m pretty good at protecting myself.”

➤ still, you’d be triple checking everything whenever you go out with ben, and even scan your room with a bug detector before talking to him on the phone

jake ji

➤ after what happened with his brother kenny, jake doesn’t like talking about the people he loves and cares about with anyone. not even his closest friends in the union

➤ he thinks it’s too dangerous, too much of a risk, and you can only agree as you know how devastated jake was to hear about his brother

➤ you do your best to stay safe and cautious when you meet jake, but he is on a completely other level of paranoid

➤ sometimes, you have to sit him down and take his face in your hands and remind him that you’re safe and nothing is going to happen to either of you. and if it does, it isn’t his fault

➤ that always seems to calm him down until another situation happens. like the time you thought you were being followed and it turned out to be a random student who wanted to compliment your shoes

➤ despite how nervous he can be, jake never hesitates to make sure you feel comfortable at all times. “i kind of want to go out tonight… can we?” “yes, of course y/n. i’m sorry for being so annoying lately.”

gerard jin

➤ you were named the leader of yoosun high after jimmy lost to ben. donald wanted to put someone he trusts in place to teach jimmy a lesson, and he chose you

➤ unfortunately, you’d been seeing the lead singer of slam for nearly a year beneath the union’s nose

➤ while you were quite proud of yourself and gerard for not getting caught, there were a lot more eyes on you now than ever, and you found yourself constantly looking over your shoulder

➤ you don’t know this, but donald had you followed when you first joined the union and knew all about you and gerard. he didn’t tell anyone for three reasons: 1. he trusted you. 2. he didn’t see gerard as a threat to the union. 3. if things did take a turn for the worst, he wanted to see how your story would play out

➤ “what would you do it they found out about us?” gerard would ask as he plays with your fingers, and you’d just sigh. “i don’t know. but i wouldn’t let them tear us apart. i don’t care about eunjang, or yoosun, or the union. all i care about is that you and i are safe.”

➤ fortunately, the secret of you and gerard is one donald keeps with him until the end </3

wolf keum

➤ you were an anomaly in wolf’s life, and he liked to keep it that way

➤ he never had any big secrets. if there was something on his mind that he wanted, he’d get it. he wasn’t quiet in the way he did things, so it’s not like people weren’t always in his business. that was, until you

➤ you were so unlike anything wolf had seen before. you were truly good, through and through, and wolf refused to let his private life corrupt you in any way

➤ not only was wolf keeping you a secret from the union, but he was keeping the union a secret from you

➤ “you trust me, don’t you?” “of course i do, wolf. should i not?” “no, you should. if anyone comes up to you and asks if you know me, you know to tell the no, right?” “right.”

[stormdragon23]

>:3

Questions 8 and 22 for Choi Jongin 🦊❤

You sure know which questions get a long response alksdjfa

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

Quite a few things. Off the top of my head, one thing I'm not a fan of is Jongin spending money extravagantly. I haven't really seen this in fics, but it does pop up quite a lot when I hear people talking about him. I understand that he would be rich as an S-Rank, especially as the guild master of the largest guild in Korea, but I don't think he would buy the most expensive thing out there just because of its price. I do think he'll have a strong preference for high-quality items, and they may happen to be expensive, but it wouldn't be the main reason why he buys them. So hearing about him getting "the most expensive suit" or getting someone "a very expensive gift" isn't a good description of what he got and makes him appear rather shallow. I would prefer if what he got was described by the quality rather than the price tag since the most expensive doesn't always mean the best

The question only asked for one, but I like you, so you get another >:3

Another thing I don't like is anything to do with Jongin praising or speaking highly of himself. I know he's confident in what he can do, but he has never been shown to boast in canon (as far as I know). Anything he states that sounds like boasting is actually fact. Him being known as the Ultimate Hunter? True. Him having the largest guild in Korea? Also true. But he has never directly said anything like "I'm better than you" or has been condescending in any way (correct me if I'm wrong.) He may sound like he's bragging when talking about his status and such, but it is all true. In fact, he, in a way, brings himself down to other people's level and speaks to them as if they were equal, even though someone of his status has no need to do so. So every time I see people have him clearly speak down to people (anyone, even those he doesn't like), especially S-Ranks, I'm just like :/ I get insults, but I don't think Jongin is the type to say it directly to someone's face. I think it would be indirect, a hidden meaning in his words that you need to think about to understand

There are a bunch more, but they can be saved for later hehe

Gah, that was only the first question. There's still another-

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

I haven't really read many fics with Jongin recently, but the more recent fics I've read show Jongin being able to analyze a situation quickly and react accordingly. I don't see this very often (mostly because there are already very few fics of Jongin that I can find and take the time to read), so seeing it is always very nice <3 Jongin is shown to have experience in doing this, so seeing it be incorporated in fics and expanded on makes me glad. Especially when Jongin's feelings are shown to be different from the ones he expresses to those around him

One thing I dislike is whenever Jongin loses control of his emotions, at least in front of other people. Shouting seems out of character for him as I think he would have a calming voice for the most part. I had a headcanon where Jongin can handle his emotions very well in the heat of the moment, but when the feeling starts to linger for a while, it might be visible in subtle ways, like him clenching his jaw and clutching something tighter than usual. I think Jongin is generally a stoic person who smiles to hide his true feelings, which is why I don't understand fics that show him shouting or throwing something out of anger. The only times he is shown to expressing his emotions strongly is if he knows he could die or heard about someone else almost dying. Very rarely is it out of frustration and even then, he doesn't lose it in public

I'll stop here for now because there's more questions I need to answer alksdfja

I'm very passionate about things related to Choi Jongin haha

Eh, close enough

From the ask game here

[eravicis]

Solo Leveling // Legends Never Die

Title: Chapter 10 - Grind Series: Solo Leveling ( I Alone Level Up ) Pairing: Sung Jin-woo/Original Female Character Rating: Mature Chapters: 10/? Word Count: ~6304 A/N: It only took… three years… haha… did you miss me? ;; It's been so long that I wonder if people will like this chapter… hope you like it! ><;

Again, I will tag the appropriate tags at the beginning of each chapter to avoid general spoilers.

*agasshi (아가씨) - miss *halmeoni - granny/grandmother *eomma - a casual reference to mother/mom

I tried adding some introspection, but I think that's hard to do in that situation.

Summary: Jinwoo is faced with an ultimatum, and Yoona stumbles her way into an "easy" way of grinding through the system.

—  x  —

AO3

Lizards.

It's a slang term that refers to the people who betray other party members, saving their own skin and leaving them behind. It's not the same as the situation with Jinwoo or Yoona in the Double Dungeon since they had volunteered to be left behind so as not to drag down the party in their escape. These people, however, save themselves for their own personal gain.

Jinwoo recollects a conversation he had with another Hunter named Oh. He clarifies that because being a Hunter is dangerous, it's expected that risk and injuries come with the job. However, the problem with the job is that their current electrical technology loses its functions once it enters the Gate. Or rather, it's more like there is no technology that's able to connect to the other side of the gate. Thus, people cannot watch what's happening inside the Gate from the outside. (It's been said that humans and hunters have yet to develop the necessary tech to withstand the transport through the portal due to the high mana density.)

This makes it very difficult to prove a crime has been committed inside the dungeon. Without the security of technology to monitor inside the dungeons, there is no way to stop a hunter from committing any sort of crime. So the weaker someone is, the more expendable they become. However, if someone is strong, people seek that strength and will cling to them.

But, if a hunter says that they're useless or even get in the way, then, like a lizard leaving its tail behind, a person can end up being cut in more than one way.

And it's this specific warning that repeats itself in Jinwoo's mind as Jinho panics, watching their exit disappear. Even if they tried to stop them from trapping them within the boss room, the attack force was ready to strike them down if anything changed.

Paying attention to details wasn't needed, hm? Jinwoo suddenly understands what Hwang Dongsuk means. 

Dropping the bags onto the ground, he muses that this giant spider monster, the boss, is nothing like his traumatizing experience in the Double Dungeon. In fact, there's a feeling that perhaps this is fate that he gets this opportunity to test his current abilities on a C-Rank dungeon boss.

"That's mine," he says, his dagger summoned to his hand as he prepares for combat.

And for the first time, he smiles with confidence.

—  x  —

The destruction where the Gate opened is disastrous.

There's shouting in the distance, but what remains of the park is gone and, instead, is littered with debris and wounds on the earth from the blasts in the ensuing battle. What people could be saved are pulled off the field and the only people left are some Hunters trying to fend off the boss.

Yoona runs as fast as she is able to get closer. But from a distance, she could only watch who she could assume to be the healer dropping to the ground from mana exhaustion. The only person left standing appears to be a tank, holding his shield up. In front of him is a plant-like creature, tall and massive, that stands easily four stories tall, wood and vines making up its form between its bark. It stands in front of the blue portal, wavering and threatening to allow more creatures to escape the dungeon. Its build is very similar to that of a stocky golem, a four-legged creature with a tree trunk for its face. Glowing green eyes gleam from between its bark as its front arm lifts and quickly drops it.

But the back of the head of the tank bracing for impact is familiar, someone she didn't expect to see so soon on the frontlines.

"Adrien!"

His head doesn't turn, bringing up his shield to block an incoming attack from the large plant-like golem.

Yoona doesn't want to assume, but it looks like she has caught them between waves. This also means that they don't have much time for Adrien to catch her up on what's happened thus far. This creature looks like they're the last one of the group that's managed to escape the dungeon's gate.

The healer passed out, exhausted, with her health low to the point that it's in danger. Yoona sees both of their health bars above their heads, like a video game, and the corners of her mouth twitch. Honestly, how much is the System making her see this as a video game instead of a life-or-death situation?

Clearly, someone has a terrible sense of humor.

She doesn't even think when she utters a healing spell with the wave of her hand, the sparkling glow that comes from her fingers shimmering over Adrien, who's about to take another blow to his shield. He manages to brace it in time as he is enveloped in the healing glow of her healing magic. He sinks into the earth under its forceful weight, cracking and breaking the earth around him, a grunt before he changes it into a yell to shove the creature off his shield.

Yoona slides into place beside the healer, looking over the healer's condition. She's weak, dripping in cold sweat, and exhausted from mana exhaustion, on top of the low health. She waves a hand over her face and utters a heal to watch most of their injuries disappear and finally breathe without the distress.

The creature shudders, stumbling back from how Adrien threw it off-balance.

He spares her a glance back with a small grin. "Much thanks for the assist."

"Of course," she responds with a grin, happy to see her friend again. But this isn't the time to play catch-up.

The creature slams its large hoof-like feet down on Adrien's shield again and he gets shoved deeper into the earth.

"Need help?"

"A little," he grunts and shoves the creature with more strength again once Yoona has finished healing him to full.

Huh, finished healing him. Is there something he should be aware of? Above all else, healed him to full? This is Yoona that came to his aid, right? But, she has… white hair?

The idle thoughts disappear when the golem drops its foot back down on the shield in a rushing force that Adrien gets pummeled, disappearing into the earth under his buckler like a hammer hammering a nail into the ground.

Setting the healer away from the battle, Yoona pulls her staff out from her inventory in a shimmer of electrical golden light and it swirls around her in anticipation of what's to come. With a grin, Yoona twirls the staff in her hand. No longer does she feel intimidated by such a daunting and seemingly overwhelming creature from the Gate, but Yoona is excited to test out just how powerful this new staff of hers is.

—————  x  —————

(!) 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 [POISON] is ineffective against TREE GOLEM!

—————  x  —————

A pity, Yoona thinks. But it confirms that it's a golem rather than a living creature. She had a feeling that the area-of-effect poison would be ineffective against it. Idly, if she was a fire mage, she could probably do some really intense damage. Well, if this were a video game that's based off of elemental properties like a certain little pocket monster series.

Still, she casts a buff spell on herself, which buffs all of her physical and defensive stats temporarily, and takes off running.

The golem notices her and turns in her direction.

It's too slow to respond when Yoona runs until she's just in front of it, and then jumps straight up. With more strength than she realizes she has when she becomes level with its face, Yoona takes this opportunity to stab the golem in its eyes with her spear.

With a roar, it pulls its head away from the offending weapon.

With the strength she now has, thanks to her recent level gain, she pulls back and her staff-turned-spear cleaves clean the head of the golem off of its trunk body. And in nanoseconds, Yoona watches as its vines move swiftly to grab for its head. 

In the same momentum, Yoona doesn't give it a chance to recover, and she twirls in mid-air, grabs an ax from her inventory, and drops its blade down into the center of the trunk where its head once was. With how much force she applies to the ax, she continues the motion with several strikes from her left to her right and back again before the ax breaks from fighting against the golem's trunk.

As it shatters, it disappears into the air in a fit of blue light and sparkles when she releases it.

With its trunk cleanly cut open from her ax, it exposes its center, the core. Different from the monster's magic cores that drop from a monster's defeat, this one is what controls this creature. From somewhere else, its monster magical core will appear.

Dropping down onto the staggering headless body, Yoona lifts her spear and points the sharp blade at the core. Without pause, she brings it down and breaks the jewel-like blue orb, breaking it into near halves.

With a broken groan of wood grinding, it stumbles and drops to its knees, shaking the earth.

—————  x  —————

(!) 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 You have leveled up!

—————  x  —————

She blinks at the notification. Really? How easy is it really to level up like this? Still, she's not going to complain if it means she's leveling up. However, she wishes with every level up, she has something more than that to allot more points into her stats.

Maybe she's going about this wrong. Idly, she makes a mental note to look over the interface again later.

Canceling the effect of her buff spell, Yoona jumps down to the ground where Adrien is busy digging himself out of the hole. He blinks when he realizes the golem is down. His head swivels, blinking repeatedly when his gaze lands on Yoona.

She twirls the staff and replaces it back inside her inventory in a flash of light, making her way over to him. Her gaze subtly narrows when the hairs on the back of her neck lift and she tries to resist the urge to look around, aware that she's being watched. Yoona needs to feign ignorance or else, it's possible that those watching would figure out she's been Reawakened.

"Need a hand?" she asks again. It's amusing considering he's about halfway out of the hole and is still waist-deep inside it.

"Yeah," he says, holding his hand up from the hole. She braces his wrist and pulls him out with surprising ease.

Yoona lets him go as Adrien blinks, looking her over and dusting himself off while she looks at her hand and flexes her fingers. How curious; normally, Adrien is considerably heavier than he looks because he's muscular. Plus, equipped with the gear, he's a size that someone of her frame would have trouble moving. 

"Yoona?"

The incredulous tone comes when comprehension dawns on him.

She turns her head to face him, giving him a small smile.

"No, wait," he says, shaking his head in disbelief and lifting a hand to her and the other to his head, "you can't be her—last I checked, she had black hair and her healing spells literally couldn't heal me to half health, let alone to full." He drops his hand and crosses his arms across his chest with a scrutinizing stare.

"Who are you?"

"Haha." Yoona averts her gaze and nervously forces a laugh, wondering how she's going to explain to Adrien that she experienced a Reawakening and is capable of getting stronger? Hell, she wonders if he would even believe her. Much less believe her about her ability to see now an interface that she calls her own personal video game. Even if the consequences of said video game mean the end of people's lives.

Adrien arches a brow.

"A-ny-way, we should head inside the gate and kill the boss before any more of those creatures respawn," Yoona says, holding her hand to her eyes to peer at their surroundings when there seem to be no more creatures around that have otherwise escaped. However, in doing so, she can't seem to see who it is that's watching her, but she can sense that there are two B-Rank Hunters nearby. They weren't there earlier when she took down the golem, but definitely after.

Maybe if she really tried, she could probably throw a dagger in the direction just to scare the living daylights out of them.

He squints and then stares at her for a moment longer before hefting a heavy sigh. "Alright, I'll let it slide this time but—!"

"—… But what?" She looks hesitantly in his direction. Honestly, lying has never been her forte.

"You owe me some kind of explanation other than what I can only assume is… whatever I think it is."

This time, Yoona's wariness drops and she's left surprised. Taken aback by his vague wording, her brows quickly furrow when her thoughts start running. Assumptions like he's on the radio with the UK Hunters Association or perhaps, the people that she senses that are nearby might have something to do with it.

There's a sharp look in his eye that warns her to leave it at that and radios that all is clear and that he's heading into the Gate.

He gestures with his head for them to head inside and with one final cursory glance around, Yoona follows.

Inside the Gate, a forest with high temple walls greets her with tall trees and high underbrush. They stand in a clearing in the middle of a forest where its canopy shrouds the floor of the forest in shifting shadows. The temple walls make it feel like a maze and the canopy of the trees is the ceiling.

"Damn," Adrien swears.

Yoona has seen her fair share of Gates and sometimes there are new ones to explore. This one is a meld of the typical forest dungeons often found through a Red Gate—a dungeon that locks its Hunters inside until all of the hunters have died or it's cleared—and a typical dungeon. Generally, each one specifically has limitations, much like typical dungeons where there is a direct or a maze-like path to be explored upon entry.

"What? This dungeon isn't to your liking?" Yoona asks, somewhat amused.

"It's fine," he shrugs weakly. "But, I just realized, how are we going to clear the dungeon and beat the dungeon boss by ourselves? We're not exactly high-ranking Hunters."

Yoona feels it's probably safe now to tell him about her recent changes.

"But!" Adrien takes a few steps forward, casting a glance in Yoona's direction with an arched brow. "Something tells me that something happened to you after we left that hell of a place." He steps close to her, relieved and with bright eyes.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he gives her a watery smile. "You made it and—" he squeezes her shoulder, "—I'm really glad you did."

Yoona smiles, nodding, and placing a hand on his to give him a reassuring squeeze. "Yeah," she says, feeling a strange lump forming in her throat. "A lot happened."

Adrien quirks a crooked smile, pulling Yoona in for a tight hug. Yoona forces the lump down her throat, appreciative of his genuine care for her welfare. It's been far and few between since people often wanted something from her or found her more of an inconvenience. But Adrien has always been a friend first and foremost, even after they found out their ranks as Hunters.

So when he pulls away, he clears his throat and straightens, giving her another look over.

"Hm."

He glances around the dungeon. Scratching his head, he crosses his arms across his chest and arches a brow. He returns his attention back to Yoona.

"So," he begins, giving her an expectant look.

Nervously, Yoona laughs and averts her gaze.

"You took down that golem with no problem—you wanna share something with the class? Or namely, I don't know, me? Cause I feel like I need to know something before we die trying to clear this dungeon." And then he arches a brow. "And weren't you… hm, I dunno, shorter?"

He makes a gesture hovering over her head and to where she comes up to his shoulder.

Lifting her gaze up to the taller, Yoona clears her throat and places a hand on her hip. She tries not to think about how her height correlates to Adrien. (But, she was definitely up to his chest before, no, wait, smaller? And now, she comes to his shoulder?) "Well, remember the double dungeon?"

The sound of the forest rustles in the back and the humidity is palpable that Yoona wipes at her brow. Even Adrien adjusts the armor he wears as he readies his equipment, sensing the change in the atmosphere. Again, Yoona pulls out her staff with a shimmer of light.

He twirls his sword in his hand before raising his buckler, moving ahead of her as they start venturing into the dungeon. "Is this a rhetorical question?"

Ah, right, stupid question but she honestly blames nerves. She isn't sure how he'd take the news, but she feels like she owes him that much, having been one of the few people who experienced the double dungeon. Adrien is one of the few people that's stuck with her since she started working as a Hunter.

"Wait." He turns his head to give her another look over and looks dumbfounded. "Did you get a Reawakening?"

"Focus, Adrien!" 

He shakes his head. "Talk and cover for me—surely, you can do that, can't you?"

Yoona makes a face but moves after him, positioned behind him for any attacks that would come from the front. She supposes old habits die hard and follows as she sighs, finding she isn't nervous about the dungeon, but rather how he'd react to her news. After all, she hasn't even told Jinwoo about it yet. Maybe it's just easier to tell Adrien since he was there—at least, he was there before she "died."

"There's not much to tell you except I might've Reawakened."

She resists the urge to grimace and slap herself on the forehead.

"'Might've? Might've? ' So you're telling me that your white hair has nothing to do with your highly probable Reawakening?"

Ah, she really can't fool him, can she? Foolishly, Yoona thought she could back out of telling him the truth, but she's come this far. The guilt that Adrien knows before Jinwoo manifests itself in her chest, clawing at her, but at the very least, she owes Adrien. He was there and it's not fair of her to keep this from him when it's all too obvious that he can see the changes.

She scratches her head and sighs. "Alright, so I—sort of, yeah—had a Reawakening, but when I got tested by the Monitoring Division, there was no change in my evaluation."

This is the truth, despite Adrien sparing her an scrutinizing look, opting in lieu of investigating around the corner of the dungeon. Somehow, she has a feeling he doesn't believe her. This is proven true when they clear a couple of floors of the dungeon, most of it emptied when the Gate opened earlier and let them roam outside in their world, and all Adrien does is sigh in the most exaggerated manner.

Dramatic, really.

"I'm serious!" Yoona decides to emphasize. "I was evaluated to still be an E-Rank when they came to the same conclusion you did. They were there when I woke up."

Adrien, again, remains skeptical, but decides after a moment more that he seems to believe her.

Their investigation through the dungeon is anti-climatic, finding that most of the monsters have already left the gate, leaving only the boss deep inside the dungeon. However, there's an odd tingle down her spine at the feeling when she approaches it. Nerves? Anxiety? No, it's probably something like excitement? Oh, yes, that's it.

It's been awhile since she got to test out the limits of her newfound abilities that she's excited about fighting this dungeon boss.

The boss, in the end, is at a higher level than the previous bosses she's fought before.

No, she's wrong.

There's more than one boss at the end, and she's positively giddy.

"But, something did happen while I was down there, and I don't know if you'll believe me," Yoona starts, wondering if this is okay. Telling Adrien before she's telling Jinwoo feels somehow wrong and her grip tightens on her staff before she relaxes again.

But Jinwoo wasn't there.

Would he understand?

"You won't know until you try and tell me, right?" Adrien shrugs. He relaxes now that they've cleared the dungeon. It seems the Gate has already released every creature from the dungeon out into the world. He sheathes his blade and continues to navigate the maze. "And at this point, I can almost believe anything can happen. If we can stumble upon a rare double dungeon that has S-Gate monsters inside it, then anything is possible."

"You think there's more than that out there?" Yoona blinks, incredulous. "And do you think our luck is really that bad?"

"Why not? These Gates only started showing up ten years ago and we still don't know everything about them or why they started showing up. Plus," Adrien pauses briefly to give her another glance, "anything's possible now. I really hope that we're really not that—" he grimaces, "—'lucky' to encounter another one of those dungeons."

Yoona presses her lips into a thin line, furrowing her brows. It's like a conspiracy theory, one that seems common on the internet. She can only imagine why they would come to this conclusion.

Especially when their theory holds true: at the end of this dungeon are two large creatures that she could guess as two boss monsters.

She senses it before she sees it in the next room over. They enter a cavernous room with large trees encompassing the sides and their long branches filling the ceiling and covering the sky. Large tiles and building pieces of an ancient civilization are littered into pieces on the sides, giving the impression the ceiling caved in and its debris is left in the middle of the room.

Movement in the corner catches their attention that Adrien barely lifts his shield in time to brace for impact.

"Adrien!"

It's an explosion of energy and debris that shoves Adrien from where he once stood, his feet sliding along the ground as he explodes into the wall of the temple. Smoke covers him that Yoona can't see whether or not—

Another movement on her other side that she barely lifts her staff in time to brace for impact and she's sent flying into the other wall in her own explosion of debris.

She coughs out, surprised, and barely moves in time when another movement in the smoke catches her off guard that she drops, crouches, and then lunges with her staff.

It barely nicks whatever is attacking her, taking advantage of the brief smoke to hide itself from her view.

But it's strong, sturdy, and she knows she hit it.

It takes a moment more that she dodges the next impact, jumping forward to duck into a roll that takes her a few steps closer back to the center of the boss room.

"Adrien! You doing okay?!"

"Oh, never better! Ugh," he groans as he manages to pull himself from being pummeled by whatever it is that is attacking them.

What on earth is this boss?

No, Yoona sensed two earlier—

The smoke finally clears as she hears the growling, low and deep, that she makes the connection that it's what she had speculated—two bosses.

Well, she speculated one mini-boss and the actual boss but watching as the two jaguar-like creatures circle them told her otherwise. One is slightly smaller than the other with both sporting inky black coats and four large black wings along their back. While they don't have paws, they have talons, moving with surprising dexterity and quiet that Yoona swears they probably also had some kind of paw pad.

And they're both triple her height.

They circle her now as Adrien comes to the center of the arena. Yoona couldn't help the small smile she makes, an excitement she didn't know she could have in the face of danger manifesting in the face of a new challenge. Her grip on her staff tightens and then relaxes again, ready to move in the next moment she's ready.

Now, it'll be a little odd working with Adrien since she's Reawakened, but it can't be helped.

"Adrien, we're going to work together to take them down, right?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm the only one here that can help, so yeah!"

Even though she's not looking at him as they have their backs to one another, she can practically hear his eyes roll at her rhetorical question.

But she doesn't get to explain her plan when both of the jaguar-like creatures lunge and it takes all of what strength she has to take the weight of its force against the staff. It's heavy and she barely manages to brace for it. But feline creatures move just as fast as she's able to manage and the second paw comes that she barely manages to angle the staff just enough to block the paw.

However, she isn't quite right and its claws manage to just cut through her clothes that it draws blood.

Yoona winces and thinks of the buff skill that shrouds herself in a brief aura of red.

—————  x  —————

[SPELL: 𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 has been activated.]

[Your SPEED and STRENGTH have increased by 30%.]

—————  x  —————

It's a little soon but she wants to take care of this quickly and before her [Fatigue] becomes a problem.

—————  x  —————

[EFFECT: "𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐙𝐄": The opponent will be paralyzed at a certain rate.]

[EFFECT: "𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍": Whenever a spell is cast, foes within 25 ft. of the caster will lose 1% of their health per second.]

—————  x  —————

She pushes back, sending the creature back that it's surprised, unable to find ground at the accelerated speed that comes from [Burn Booster.] The tip of the spear slices through one of its front legs that it cries when it's sent flying into the wall. And in one fluid motion, Yoona turns on her heel with the ease of a dancer to skewer the other that's digging its claws into Adrien's shield, right into its chest.

It reels back with a screech, realizing that this one is the mini-boss when she pulls her spear free to find that there's a red jewel adorning its neck.

"Cover me!"

Adrien tries to read what Yoona commands when she ducks, the other one coming forward from behind her once more with another lunge. He grunts from exertion at the weighted momentum when his shield barely manages to connect with the attacking Alpha. And while he's distracted, Yoona turns to spear the boss creature right into its breast. But it misses the mark of its heart and she braces herself.

Just like its partner did, it rears back with another screech and she pulls her spear back.

—————  x  —————

[EFFECT: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐙𝐄 has been activated.] [EFFECT: 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 has been activated.]

[The foe's resistance was too high. The effect(s) was canceled.]

[Fatigue: 39]

—————  x  —————

Damnit!

Yoona watches as Adrien falters, thinking victory is at hand when the other jaguar creature manifests and pounces. He barely manages to raise his shield in time as he's sent to the ground, barely able to withstand fang and claw as he's pummeled. His health bar rapidly falls when Yoona utters another [Heal].

—————  x  —————

[EFFECT: 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 has been activated.]

[The foes' resistance was too high. The effect(s) was canceled.]

—————  x  —————

This immediately draws both of the jaguar creatures attention to her.

Damnit!

Sparing a glance back at Adrien, she finds him knocked out, but alive and breathing with his health in the clear. With his shield resting on his chest, at least, he's mostly protected for the moment that she diverts her attention back to the prowling jaguars.

How did Adrien get knocked out when she healed him to full? What's more, wasn't he just fine moments ago?

Yoona backs away from the two approaching prowling predators as both of their wings shimmer. The hairs on the back of her neck tell her that they're only going to get faster. There's no way that their only attacks as boss creatures are fangs and lunging claws.

She twirls the staff in her hands, making sure they both can see it, but she's vastly outnumbered. 

Just as she guessed, their wings shimmer and they both seem to take turns lunging as they begin to bounce off the walls. They become faster and faster and she's not able to block each of their attacks. Each one becomes heavier and heavier that she has a hard time keeping up until she's getting hurt. She can hear her health plummeting.

—————  x  —————

[EFFECT: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐙𝐄 has been activated.]

[The foes' resistance was too high. The effect(s) was canceled.]

[Fatigue: 58]

—————  x  —————

Yoona isn't built to directly take hit after hit like this. And she's getting incredibly tired taking such heavy blows that she can tell if she tried taking any more of a beating, she won't make it. Why are they so fast and somehow, hitting her so goddamn hard ?!

And then, she sees it: her opportunity to break through.

—————  x  —————

[SKILL: 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐃 has been activated.]

[Your SPEED has increased by 30%.]

—————  x  —————

They both jump at the same time and she jumps up higher the moment they cross over one another. With one flick of her wrist, she swings the spear clear across the backs of their neck to the bone of where their spine connects their skulls. Instead, she meets resistance as she slices through the fanciful accessories adorning their necks.

But, it's deep enough to cause serious damage that their cries are enough to make her wince. She lands with another flick of the staff-turned-spear and braces herself, not wanting to give the jaguars any room to breathe. Yoona lunges, going after the jaguar on the right as it falters.

"Heal!"

—————  x  —————

[EFFECT: 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐙𝐄 has been activated.]

[𝐃𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐍 𝐁𝐎𝐒𝐒(𝐄𝐒) are paralyzed.]

[EFFECT: 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 has been activated.]

[The opponent will lose 1% health per second.]

—————  x  —————

Rejuvenation floods her, relieving her of the built up fatigue as she begins to flick through her weapons repertoire to slice through the first winged jaguar. She summons forth an ax and slices through the tendons of their legs; summons a sword to finish the job as she cleanly beheads it; and, summons a claymore to double tap as she downward slices through its heart.

Taking that same claymore, she swings with a force the other winged jaguar isn't prepared for. It isn't able to move as it takes the blade straight through its heart. She sheathes the blade back into her inventory and summons the sword once more to behead the jaguar.

She drops to a knee, dropping the sword down to the ground as she hears pings going off once more.

Finally taking a breath, Yoona returns to standing as she swings her braid back and wipes her brow. She picks up the sword and returns it back into her inventory to draw out a dagger. Yoona is going to earn some money for all of her efforts, otherwise; there's no point in being a hunter. And plus, no one else is here, right?

Well, except Adrien and she pauses before going to the corpses of the creatures.

She makes her way over to Adrien, kneeling beside him to check both his pulse and his breathing. Thankfully, her initial glance at both the health bar and mana bar seem fine and he's not in any danger. But she does feel a small bump at the back of his head that matches the small little icon next to his health bar. Ah, did he fall in a bad way that either conveniently or inconveniently knocked him out?

Yoona isn't sure whether or not she's lucky or not that he didn't see how she took out the dungeon's boss. With a sigh, she decides to leave him be for the moment so she can go ahead and extract the mana crystals. The faster she does this, the sooner they can leave.

Using the knife with the precision and training Yoona gained from med school, she cuts out the crystals and stows them in her inventory. As she does so, all she can think about is how this will finally pay for her schooling and finally, start to get herself out of the negatives. Maybe if there's any extra, she can send some to Jinwoo…

At the thought, she hopes he's doing okay, lifting her gaze up at the sky as though her thoughts would reach him.

—  x  —

"Of course you'd betray me; I'm weak."

Jinwoo expects this, but color him surprised when Jinho decides to take his side. It didn't take very long for the words he knew were coming from Dongsuk. Is this really how these people are going to do this?

"Have you… ever killed someone before?" Their eyes gleam menacingly as they stalk toward Jinwoo and Jinho.

Jinwoo doesn't even get the chance to properly think of a reaction when the System seems to do it for him as it pings.

—————  x  —————

[An urgent quest has arrived.]

—————  x  —————

He flinches, at first, thinking the System is simply acting up, but then he gets blasted into the wall behind him.

That's not what really hurts, but rather the reminder of the anger and disappointment he felt back in the Double Dungeon. The Quest Info screen fizzles, like it's losing signal in comparison to where his mind has gone. Disappointment claws at him, irritated that he forgot. Anger burns inside of him until he feels like yelling at the world.

How?

Somehow, he remembers what Yoona told him before.

" To stay angry? I think you can stay as angry as long as you want ."

" Look, anger is okay, grief is okay, spite is okay ."

How? How? How? How?

HOW? 

HOW?

The simple question buries him, enraging him that he's this foolish, this weak STILL to think that he had any kind of trust in another person. He wants to scream, wants to yell, seething in the frustration and helplessness he once had. After all, at the end of all of this, he's at fault.

How could he have…

Forgotten what kind of place this is?

That this place is governed by the strongest, by the "Survival of the Fittest" principle?

His hand grasps hold of the stones next to him, slowly pulling himself out of the rubble as a cool fury washes over him. Jinwoo hasn't been thinking clearly until just now, but he's clear now. After all, time and time again, in all of these dungeons, he's overcome death that he could almost consider it a friend. And yet, he's recovered each time. Going back in despite the possible dangers, he's mistaken that these places were safe.

He was wrong.

The System is telling him, forcing him to commit murder.

They're a THREAT.

Steel steadies his hands when he found that the answer was easy, almost surprised at himself at just how easily he accepted what he's about to do. It's asking him to either kill them or die. Why would it give such an ultimatum if it didn't have something else in store for him? Or perhaps, the system would become complicated if he were to die because he refused to take a life.

This is neither a coincidence nor an act of goodwill and it's obvious now: the System needs him. And what it needs is for him to become strong, to steel himself against all possible foes that he may face in the future. It needs him to be strong.

Jinwoo lifts himself out of the rubble despite the blood covering part of his vision. A cursory glance at his health tells him that they took out just a little under half damage of his total health. That's plenty for what he's going to do now.

Ultimately, the System isn't trying to make him stronger, but rather, he can tell that it simply wants a more powerful version of himself.

Ah, now that he knows what it wants… if the System is going to use him, then he's going to use the System.

He stands and begins walking over toward the murderers.

"Since you guys are playing around with people's lives, I'm assuming that you're also prepared to face the consequences." Jinwoo cracks his knuckles at his sides, energy sparking across his frame in his silent fury. The System is forcing him to quickly accept the fact that these people aren't worth his time, worth the effort of keeping them alive.

"What is this idiot going on about?" asks the one Hunter with a buzzcut.

"Since you call yourselves hunters, I'm asking if you're prepared to become the hunted."

"Dongsuk, I'll take care of him," says a brown haired hunter that has his hair pulled into a ponytail. He approaches Jinwoo with a confident swagger that he even has the nerve of putting his arm around Jinwoo's shoulders.

"Look, man, it seems like you still don't fully understand the situation at hand."

In Jinwoo's right hand, electrical blue lightning flickers as he resummons his dagger.

For one single moment, he thinks of Yoona. Jinwoo thinks of Yoona, a healer, who tries her best to save lives . Yoona, who's becoming a doctor.

And Jinwoo takes his first life with a single flick of his hand.

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

My biggest problem with leftist thought, and the thing that ultimately keeps me from considering myself genuinely leftist, is that nothing in the world -- absolutely nothing -- can function without boundaries. We know this from every level of our own lives -- if we don't or aren't permitted to establish and preserve healthy boundaries for ourselves, we will always end up victimized by someone or something, intentionally or unintentionally.

And leftists and leftist communities are honestly pretty good (with exceptions, but *generally* pretty good) at the skills and systems that help people locate, articulate, and maintain boundaries with people they love -- or more broadly, among people who are in an overall positive relationship. That's why the praxis tends to revolve around cultivating Beloved Community, mutual aid, and the like -- because those are the contexts in which leftist practices of consensus, consent, conflict resolution, and restorative justice absolutely flourish. You know the saying about when you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail? Those things are the hammer that leftists own; of course they are keen on the idea of a world full of nothing but nails.

The problem is that boundaries are still completely vital, foundationally vital for human life and well-being, when you are among people who do not love you. And the *problem* problem is that the tools and techniques for establishing and securing your boundaries are not transferable. What works within the Beloved Community fails outside of its scope. If it ain't a nail, it simply cannot be hammered. You can *hit* it with your hammer, but you're not going to be pleased with the results.

The world that leftists imagine can *only* consist of a communion of beloveds. They don't have a tool set for dealing with anyone else. At best, attempts to establish boundaries simply fail, and they get run over by their opponents. At worst, they put down the metaphorical hammer and switch over to, as Audre Lorde would say, the Master's tools, and become functionally indistinct from any other ideology enforcing obedience through fear and punishment.

I love the values and vision of leftist movements, but I just can't get past this issue where it seems like they fundamentally run out of ideas when it comes to the hard reality that not everyone on Earth is your friend now, *or ever will be.* As much as I believe we can and should (must, even!) massively expand our communities of care, the notion that we'll one day live in a totalizing Fellowship of All Humankind governed primarily by a worldwide commitment to loving our neighbors -- well, I can say with quite a bit of confidence that I won't live to see the day. And I think people alive right now deserve to hear the best possible solutions *for the world we currently live in,* not the hypothetical world that leftists would be really good at organizing.

Liberalism is obviously not without its shortcomings, but it was forged on top of the ruins of a civilization that had all but destroyed itself through centuries of brutal, relentless violence aimed at eradicating religious, ideological, and political opposition, and its central, powerful insight is that *eliminating your enemies* is not a worthwhile goal. You simply have to figure out how to exist alongside them, and liberalism is, at its heart, a set of contractual principles and functional boundaries that are designed to work while you're living among people you don't necessarily like even a little bit. And that's going to keep being the situation on the ground for a while now -- you will have to resolve conflict in your life more often, and with greater stakes, when you're in confrontation with someone who has not agreed to view you as a loved one. That's when you need the boundary-setting tools of civil society, as distinct from the tools of Beloved Community.

I don't think leftists really have tools appropriate to civil society. They just keep telling me things like "we make us safe," which is beautiful, but like, who the fuck is "we"? Because some of Us are making the rest of us extremely unsafe right now, in ways that we cannot put off addressing! I happen to agree that the *best possible* redress for most of our problems begins with choosing love and solidarity, but that's currently only *barely* actionable in our own individual relationships. It's not actionable *at all* on the systemic level.

And I just don't feel like I have any more time to waste on solutions that can't be practiced. Right now.

[iraprince]

From what I've seen from surveys and bits of news, Spain seems like it's pretty good with trans acceptance and stuff. Is that true?

Relatedly, you've said you started in Ohio and ended up in Spain. How would you reccomend someone else from Ohio do that?

oof, haha. this is a tough time to ask this -- for the past three years that i've lived here my answer would have been an enthusiastic and pretty confident yes, but recently we're all pretty worried bc in recent elections there have been gains made by the far-right + conservative parties. things where i live are still okay, but in other regions there is reason for concern. if you end up seriously planning on moving to spain, i would heavily advise you to do research on the political situations of different autonomous communities (essentially like provinces or states; catalonia is the community i live in, valencia is a community, madrid has its own community, etc) bc they all have individual governments and the experience of living in one community can be vastly different from another regardless of what's going on on a federal level. as an example, madrid is only a 2 hour train ride away from where i live but in comparison covid has been a million times worse there, absolutely fucking nightmarish, bc they have an extremely conservative government and their healthcare systems were privatized + managed differently by that government in a way that caused a lot of suffering.

i would still say it is resoundingly better than the united states, especially on the front of LGBTQ+ safety. i'm not "visibly trans" -- i believe 99% of the ppl who see me out and about probably perceive me as a cis woman -- but i'm very visibly gay, my wife and i are often affectionate in public, and the worst we've ever personally gotten have been frowns and disapproving glares. most of the time, even when ppl stare at us, it's more harmless curiosity than anything else. this doesn't mean hate crimes and discrimination never happen here, bigotry is everywhere, but in comparison i am frankly in a constant state of anguish and fear about what's going on in my home country.

(asked my wife to read this over for accuracy and offer his input and he wants to add that while on a legal level things are pretty stable -- a lot of laws that have been passed that protect LGBTQ+ rights would be difficult to revoke or repeal -- on a social level things have gotten noticeably worse and violence has objectively risen over the past few years. 2022 was the most violent year in a decade, specifically in terms of homophobic hate crimes. we both feel that this is more about rising fascism worldwide than about anything specific to spain, but still.)

as for immigration, i'm afraid i can't really offer any help or advice on that one! my residency here is based on my marriage to my wife, who is a spanish citizen, so i have no knowledge at all on other methods of obtaining residency.