colonelkaboom

[colonelkaboom]

A prince, a knight & a poet

✦ Chapter 12 - The post-credits scene ✦

How did you get so lucky? Not only did they both love you, but they also dared show their love for each other. However you were not immune to the disapproving opinions of others and it was slowly wearing you down and creating new insecurities that had never been an issue. So, the three of you take a well-deserved trip to somewhere you can just be in love without fear of judgement from others.

Happily ever after is just around the corner... 

Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6 ll Chapter 7 ll Chapter 8 ll Chapter 9 ll Chapter 10 ll Chapter 11 ll Chapter 12

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ll Completed series ✦ Xavier x Caleb x Reader ✦ Word count: 2.9k ✦ Small town au ✦ Slow burn, friends to lovers, rivals to lovers, domestic fluff, suggestive themes, sexual tension, polyamory, guilt, hurt, comfort, happy ending

"The game isn’t over, I still have one life left." Xavier growled as he pulled Caleb’s lips back on his.

The TV stood abandoned in front of them, eagerly flashing in bright colors currently dimmed by the word ‘PAUSED’ in big, white letters. Controllers were carelessly tossed aside before the two men grew too impatient.  

"M’key, sure. You know you can’t beat me so now you’re playin’ dirty." The smug grin on Caleb’s face was enough to send Xavier over the edge, and Caleb was proud to have brought him there. “Or did you just get a random burst of arousal from me being so damn good at this game?”

“Caleb!” 

“What?”

Then Xavier tilted his head that special way only he can and Caleb knew he was done. His gaze dropped to Xavier’s lips as he swallowed loudly at the cusp of admitting defeat; How was he supposed to resist Xavier when he did that?

“Stop talking.” Xavier smirks triumphantly at Caleb’s playful scoff of defeat.

Their hungry lips were back on each other and Xavier quickly dragged Caleb’s shirt over his head before removing his own. Caleb was always warm, something both you and Xavier often benefitted from. 

Xavier pressed his bare chest against Caleb as his hands wandered over the firm muscles on his back. Part of Caleb didn’t want to fully give in just yet, teasing Xavier was simply too much fun. As a final taunting gesture he tugged Xavier along by the belt loops of his jeans and dragged teeth along his bottom lip, which seemed to be the last step Caleb would be permitted to take without Xavier’s seal of approval as he was roughly pushed down onto his bed.

“You think it’s funny don’t you? Pushing my buttons, testing my limits, seeing how far you can go before I snap?” Xavier seductively glared at Caleb as he crawled over him on the bed.

“You know I can’t lie to you, Xavie. Yes, I thoroughly enjoy watching you break for me.”

This was a constant game between the two of them. Caleb would tease, Xavier would be impatient, and the battle continued. There was never a clear winner though, and everyone knew it. The fact was proved once more as Xavier skillfully flipped Caleb over onto his stomach before placing lazy kisses all along his spine as he worked the loose sweatpants down Caleb’s muscular thighs, giving them both what they wanted. Perhaps the real winner was you?

Caleb loved it. Watching the charming, soft spoken man suddenly evolve into an insatiable wolf staking his claim. He gladly let Xavier claim him, and so did you. But only in secret… 

Bruises, hickeys and subtle bitemarks were always carefully placed where they’d be hidden by clothes.You had barely even dared go grocery shopping as a trio after this new relationship blossomed. All the kisses, touches and playful seduction that had become the norm at home always threatened to spill into your public outings. What would people think? 

Having roommates was obviously not an issue. But when the old lady you ran into at the store saw your hand in Caleb’s whilst browsing for a favored cheese, but Xavier’s arm around your waist in the frozen aisle she’d made her disapproval blatantly obvious. And she wasn’t the only one to share her opinions.

It shouldn’t have bothered you. Nothing about your relationship felt unsteady anymore, other than those times when others thought they knew better than the three of you.

Sadly, the gossip that haunted your every step paired with the criticizing opinions of ignorant onlookers did eventually evolve from stinging papercuts to gaping wounds. Unfortunately for some, those wounds appeared over the barely healed scars of guilt. 

He was, after all, the latest addition. The one who was at fault for turning your innocent relationship into something to be judged…

"Don't do that. Don't wipe your face and pretend I didn't see.” Xavier protested and forced Caleb’s hand away from his face in favor of cradling it in his.

Caleb had been quick to retreat into his room after your little outing where yet another senior citizen had sought him out to berate him for your relationship. It seemed to be easier for them to seek him out than you or Xavier, likely because they had seen him around since he was a little boy, shocked to see him suddenly romantically involved with two people.

“It’s nothin’.” He made another attempt at swallowing his tears, although he obviously hadn’t been too successful so far. He barely dared look Xavier in the eye, fearing his concerned gaze would be the final drop.

“This isn’t nothing. You always take care of everyone, let someone take care of you for once." His eyes pleaded with Caleb’s, silently begging him to dare let his guard down. “Let me.”

It was Caleb’s self-declared ‘selfishness’ that resulted in the two of them kissing for the first time. So many good things have happened as a consequence of that incident, there was no way of denying that it had opened the possibility for the three of you to be happy together. Now, you simply had to come to terms with the fact that you were allowed to want what you wanted, without fear of judgement. 

“What happened? You were so eager to figure this stuff out at first. I thought things were good?” Xavier questioned, never pausing the gentle caress on Caleb’s cheeks.

“Yeah, I was so happy to finally have both of you. To be permitted to want you the way I do.” He sighed. “But you had such a hard time getting used to the idea that what we were doing wasn’t cheating and I can’t shake that feeling of making you uncomfortable whenever I try to touch or kiss either of you, it still hits me sometimes. Especially when other people decide they have the right to approach me in public to accuse me of participating in something illegal. It brings a lot of the initial guilt I thought I was over, back.”

“So, now you hide from us?”

“No! I-I don’t know… If this goes bad, I’ll be responsible, because I pushed… I will have broken up the two of you, and I’ll lose the best friends I’ve ever had. It’ll be my fault.”

“What about us? Because I know we’ve wanted you to put yourself first more, but this is not what we meant. Don’t assume we’d be better off without you.” 

Caleb’s gaze was locked on the floor unable to shake the shame of turning your healthy, normal, monogamous relationship into something people judged and fetishised. Xavier pulled Caleb into his embrace and began peppering kisses all over his face. A soft hum of shy laughter vibrated against his chest and Caleb finally tucked his arms into Xavier’s soft sweater.

“Don’t tell her I cried.” Caleb whispered, fully aware that Xavier would not keep his secret.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Your soft voice called out as you pushed open Caleb’s bedroom door.

“He cried. I fixed it.” Xavier proudly declared, earning him a light smack to the back of his head from Caleb.

Xavier’s claim to have ‘fixed it’ wasn’t enough to reassure you, obviously. 

The three of you curled up on the bed and had a proper conversation about Caleb’s worries. Of course, those same issues had plagued you as well, prompting a discussion about Caleb’s inability to allow himself to ask for help and how you would help each other deal with the unwanted attention. 

“We can’t really do anything about other people snoopin’. Best we’ve got is just showing them that whatever twisted view they have on a polyamorous relationship is wrong.” 

“What about your own slightly ‘twisted’ view, Caleb?” You question softly.

“It’s not twisted, it’s just…”

“We know you’re not invincible, Caleb, no matter how hard you try to convince us that you are. Of course this stuff is going to affect you too.”

He took a deep breath as he searched for the right words to express himself. “Please know that I see nothin’ wrong with what we have, m’key? I just wish other people would mind their own business and leave us alone. Pisses me off.”

“Just, promise us that you’ll talk to us before it gets bad. I don’t ever want to hear you questioning if you deserve this ever again.” Xavier adds sternly as he grips Caleb’s hand. 

 “You have two people who love you more than anything else right here. People who want to help you. Let us love you, Caleb.” You mimic Xavier’s gesture on Caleb’s other hand and bring it to your lips.

He huffs a laugh as his gaze drops to the mattress. “You can’t look at me with that face and expect me to stay put together, Pips.”

“That’s the point, Caleb! We don’t expect that from you, you’re allowed to break. We’ll always be here to put you back together.”

He pulls you into his arms and urges Xavier to follow. Your legs instantly coil together and comforting kisses are exchanged, scattering over any piece of bare skin your lips can reach. 

Caleb always had solutions and suggestions to every problem you ever presented to him, somehow those solutions never seemed to benefit him. You and Xavier would ensure he’d break that harmful habit. There was no way your knight was going to walk around feeling like he had to carry the world on his shoulders without letting anyone know he was doing it. 

“Let’s go somewhere. A place where no one knows us and we can just be together.” You furrowed your brows at Xavier’s suggestion. What about the bookstore? As if he could read your mind he quickly added “If we close early on Saturday and get back Monday evening, we’ll only lose one full day of business. It’s stable enough to handle that.”

“M’key? Did you have anywhere in mind?” 

“As long as you’re both with me, I’m good with anything.”

The idea of getting away from the prying eyes of locals and acquaintances who gossiped and whispered about what the three of you got up to behind closed doors was tempting. In fact, it felt like a necessity. 

Saturday afternoon you were buckled up in Caleb’s car surrounded by camping gear and fishing equipment threatening to poke someone's eye out at the next turn. Your boys were sitting up front occasionally holding hands and sharing quick kisses. Caleb was busy driving, but Xavier made sure you didn’t feel too left out in the back seat and would frequently angle himself through the maze of fishing rods to find you on the other side, eagerly awaiting his smooch. 

The roads were quiet, making the drive fairly smooth. You decided a pit stop to stretch your legs and enjoy the view was in order. Caleb parked the car on the side of the road and you got out. 

Sunlight bounced off the lake ahead causing the smooth surface to sparkle like sequins. Birch trees surrounded you on all four sides bashfully showing off their freshly sprouted leaves as pale yellow pollen dusted the ground below. 

“Oh, I think I messed up…” Xavier suddenly announces. 

“Why? What’s wrong?” Caleb’s attention shifts instantly, already in rescue mode. 

“I don’t think I remembered my allergy pills.”

“Outer pocket of your bag!” You call out from the bench you had settled on. “Caleb isn’t the only provider in this family, you know. I’ve got you.” You flash him a grin and blow him a kiss for good measure. 

‘Family’, that felt really nice to say, didn’t it? 

They both soon joined you on the bench and wrapped their arms around you from either side. Your smile grew almost stupidly wide with uncontainable happiness prompting you to eagerly shower them in kisses.

“I think this is the first time I’ve kissed both of you at the same time outside the apartment.”

“How does it feel, Starlight?” His smile was so bright it could rival yours.

“Pretty great, to be honest.” You lean into Xavier’s side and Caleb follows. 

Although there was no one around to possibly judge or disapprove it still felt like a barrier had been broken. How could you ever allow anyone to shame you for being happy and loved? 

After another hour in the car, you made it to your destination just in time to witness the sunset as it painted the dark lake in hues of pink and orange. The weather had just gotten warm enough to make camping palatable, not that you’d ever have to worry about being cold with Caleb by your side. And with Xavier holding your hand, darkness would never scare you ever again.

The three of you began collaborating on getting the tent up whilst the sun still aided your eyesight. It was going well, like you’d done this several times before. Eventually you couldn’t resist slipping away to observe them together. Laughing, making jokes, fake insults that always ended in a pout covered by a kiss. Mostly Xavier’s pout and Caleb gleefully kissing it away before glancing proudly in your direction.

You loved them.  

Life in the kingdom had changed drastically since the poet arrived. She never expected that she would take residence in the castle alongside both her prince and her knight.  There were whispers and rumours of their inappropriate closeness circulating through every dark corner of the kingdom, but they all knew that just because those people didn’t understand nothing would change between them. If they ever had the honor of experiencing a love similar to the one the three of them shared, they would understand.  The prince encountered many displeased subjects who expressed their disapproval of his choice to take two lovers, but he did not take their criticism to heart. He knew that once he returned home, he would have two people eager to hold him and make sure he was safe to love them both. The knight fought a battle the other two could not protect him from; he fought himself. A lifetime of being the protector, the one others turned to for safety, had made it hard for him to let himself simply accept when that same protection and safety was offered back to him. The prince and the poet knew it would take time, but they were willing to fight his perception of what he deserved and convince him that he was loved until the message finally stuck.  The poet was convinced she was living in a fairytale, how else could one describe what her life had become? Most people spend a lifetime hoping to find true love, a soulmate, and somehow she found two. 

“I like how she bites her lip when she concentrates.”

“You know that little finger dance she does before she starts typin’? Yeah, that’s really cute.” 

“I can hear you, you know?” You glare at them through your lashes, not fully ready to release the fantasy unfolding in your phone just yet. 

The two of them stood shoulder to shoulder next to the fully erect tent, observing you intently. Mischievous smiles on both their faces, illuminated by the fire that separated you from them, as they joined forces to tease you. Back in the day you would have hated having your quirks extracted and investigated under a microscope. An easy laugh for those who didn’t understand you or your habits. 

Caleb didn’t really understand it either back then, but he knew what your little quirks represented and had a great appreciation for the stories building and unfolding inside your head. 

Xavier had memorized the actions that represented your infinite imagination the first day you met. He’d made you feel like you were allowed to venture into your fantasies without shame or fear of being watched and judged. 

They soon joined you where you sat on a fleece blanket next to the fire. Their arms twisted themselves around you as Xavier let his head drop to your shoulder and Caleb tenderly kissed your cheek. You exhaled deeply, taking in the joy of finally feeling like you truly belonged. 

You had returned home hoping to reclaim the inspiration to write, which had become lost to you over the years. What you ended up finding was so much more. Inspiration did not evade you for long as it instead surprised you by appearing almost instantly after reuniting with Caleb. Everything seemed to reach new heights the very next day when you encountered Xavier in his bookstore. 

They both supported and encouraged you to delve deep and let your mind wander wherever it needed to go for you to find what you had lost. 

Your boys willingly released you into your creations and made it clear that they would always wait for your return, welcoming you back with open arms. More often than not, they guided you and held your hand through the veil separating your stories from reality.

When you were safely delivered past winding dirt roads and sprawling wildflower meadows outside large stone walls of protection; the prince and the knight would take their poet’s hand and guide her through the places Xavier and Caleb could not reach. 

One upon a time there was a prince, a knight and a poet…

… and they would live happily ever after.  

The End

AN: That was the final chapter for this series. It's a bitter sweet moment for sure as I have thoroughly enjoyed writing this. It has become my longest piece of creative writing to date and deciding to end it here wasn't an easy choice, but it felt like it was the right time. If you've stuck around for the journey, THANK YOU! Thanks for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! 🍎⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @1ren3n @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @tiffydasquirrel @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @feikyuu @imactuallyabouttocrashout

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

Unless you mean it

You're not staring, that would be inappropriate. He's not staring either, that would be even worse. Except you are, and so is he… Longing gazes, fleeting touches, dwindling patience and restraint — Who will be the first to break, you or Professor Qin?

✦ Professor Sylus x Reader, feat. Rafayel (Xavier cameo) ✦ Read on ao3 ll Word count: 12.8k ✦ College/university au ✦ Forbidden romance, mutual pining, implied friends with benefits, alcohol consumption, fluff and smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, piv, safe sex, MDNI

“You’re staring at him, again.” Rafayel’s frustratingly observant gaze and teasing tone tugs you out of your involuntary daydream. 

“I’m not.” You scoff, quickly forcing your attention away from the man in question.

“You are, it’s getting embarrassing honestly.”

White porcelain gently warmed by your drink of choice anchors you to reality as your finger glides along the glazed surface of your mug. The dark brown liquid inside reflects your distressed expression, making you wish it was possible to simply drown yourself in its bitterness rather than dealing with your own. 

The sleek black and white interior accompanied by luscious fake greenery and trendy woodtones makes this café a popular hangout for students and professors alike — bare enough to not offer too many distractions, but still welcoming to ensure you’d stay long enough to need more than one beverage. This was your third… 

“Hey.” Rafayel whispers. “You know you can’t go there, right?” He leans closer to you across the table. “I know he’s devilishly handsome and all that, but you’ve never been one to fall for cheap smirks and cocky attitudes before. What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” Fuck, that sounded a little bit too panicked and it was certainly far too loud. 

It caught his attention, of course. Smug as ever, relaxing against the wall next to the entrance like he’s ready to execute a smooth getaway after successfully completing some elaborate heist. Sipping his drink like it’s fine wine and not a standard overpriced black coffee. Not that you’d know that’s what he’s drinking. 

The café doesn’t stand a chance. 

Neither do you…

“You wanna try that again, cutie? Not sure the people in the restrooms heard you.” Rafayel snickers into his mug, lightly tilting it back to finish the rest of its contents. 

Even in crowds, like this one, Sylus somehow always manages to find you. You notice him just as quickly, but he’s hard to ignore. Freakishly tall and muscular with silver hair and red eyes that stand out against any backdrop. A color so bright not even the glaring fluorescent lights in the auditorium could dim them. 

Devilishly handsome indeed.

“If you’re just going to sit there and undress your professor with your eyes, I must admit I have more important things to do.”

“Oh, who are you doing this week?” You smile innocently as he gathers his things, suddenly very eager to escape. 

“Haha, you’re very funny.” His words drip sarcasm, his movements remain confident, but a tinge of pink graces his fair complexion. 

Oh, whoever it is must be quite special if they’re being kept secret. 

“Rafayeeeel? Are you seeing someone behind my back? I’m appalled!” You gasp, he glares. 

“I don’t understand why I hang out with you.”

“Because you love me” 

“Fuck… I do, don’t I. Why do you have to be so lovable?” He sighs deeply and rolls his eyes as he slings his backpack over his shoulder. 

With two small steps he’s at your side and you tilt your cheek toward him out of habit. He meets you halfway to plant an unnecessarily wet smooch to the corner of your mouth. 

“Ew, Raf. That was gross!”

“Oh puh-lease, we’ve done worse.” He proudly declares with a wink in your direction before placing a much more appropriate kiss to your cheek. 

“Could you at least try to not sound so smug when you say that.”

“Love you too, cutie!” His long legs have already carried him halfway to the exit as he says his goodbyes. 

Oh no… Rafayel's absence has made you a target. When your best friend so loudly announced his departure, you instantly felt the energy in the room shift. 

‘Curse you Rafayel for reacting so poorly to my very innocent snooping!’

It didn’t take long before a shadow loomed over your shoulder. A scent you shouldn’t recognize envelops you like a warm embrace you could never fall into. And then, he speaks… 

“Who is he?” Even after half a semester taking his class, that voice still does unspeakable things to you. Deep and rich like dark caramel. The kind that sticks to your gums and eventually rots your teeth.

“Good afternoon, Professor Qin.” Your posture instantly straightens as your voice slips into that appropriately distant tone of professionalism. 

You could say it was good posture and professionalism, but the clammy palms, slightly agitated heart rate and strained breath all amounted to something else entirely. You were nervous. 

“He seemed awfully comfortable practically licking your face in such a public place.”

His arms were braced on the table in front of you, detached enough to not draw unwanted attention but close enough to make you squirm. Sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons of his wine colored shirt undone signaling the end of his workday. 

“It's just Rafayel.”

“And he’s your..?”

“Friend.”

“Does he know that?”

“Yes?” Your brows furrow in confusion. 

“Good.”

“Why?” You shouldn’t ask any more questions, this conversation needs to end before he tricks you into saying something you’ll regret. 

“We’re halfway through the semester, you’re getting close to graduating. I’m just making sure my admirable patience and restraint isn’t for nothing.”

“This is you showing restraint?” Your attempted mockery is betrayed by the shaky breathing you can’t seem to reclaim control over. 

He laughs at your unimpressed comment like it’s a challenge. Clearly he needs to step up his game if he is to meet your expectations. Sylus fought hard to keep up pretenses. You fought harder.

“I think we both know I can be quite patient, with the promise of such a sweet reward.”

“I haven’t promised you anything, Sylus…” You whisper, shyly glancing at the people around you making sure they’re all engrossed in their own conversations rather than eavesdropping on yours.

“Oh, so it’s Sylus now? Well well, aren't we bold tonight, sweetie.”

“You think you’re really clever, don’t you?”

“Only when I make you blush like that.”

No wonder he has such a big ego…

“If you’ll excuse me, Professor Qin, I have a bus to catch.”  Thankful you didn’t have to lie to get away, you quickly pack up your things as he steps back, but now away. 

Your hair falls forward acting as a shield in front of your still blushing cheeks. It takes all Sylus’ power to not reach forward to tuck it behind your ear so he can see your beautiful face. 

This had been an ongoing game between the two of you since the semester began. While he had always found you physically attractive, it was your wits and quick thinking that attracted him to you initially. You dared challenge him, not to make jokes or be funny in front of your peers, but because you valued a good healthy discussion. 

It didn’t take long before Sylus started taking note of your usual routes around campus, just so he could accidentally bump into you on the way to class. He knew he shouldn’t have, that he still shouldn’t. But for the first time in his life, he felt almost powerless. Your claws had buried themselves in his heart, even if you didn’t know it yet. He was curious and impatient. 

He was confident you felt something for him too, even if you didn’t dare say anything. The blushing, the glares that always had a little smirk at the end of them. All he could do was wait and keep reminding you that he was still there, that he would be ready for you when you graduated.

The following day was dull. You didn’t have Sylus’ class today, and whenever you had a spare moment Rafayel was busy with his own education. How rude of him… 

The cafeteria is pretty barren this late in the day, you were just waiting for Rafayel to finish his last class. Of course some of the faculty were sharing a late lunch just three tables over. From your seat, you had the perfect view of his side profile. He politely nodded and engaged in mandatory conversation with his coworkers, but you caught him glancing oh-so-subtly in your direction more than once. His forearms rested on the table in front of him, hands tensely folded together. Even from here you could see the faint red crescent indents of his nails on his golden skin, a sign of declining composure. 

‘Stop staring! He can see you, you know. Focus on the screen in front of you, keep your eyes busy with schoolwork. He’ll be just as devilishly handsome in 5 minutes, you can safely look away without missing anything.’

Sylus let his head drop a bit, hiding his face slightly from the other people at his table, and offered you a slanted smile as if to say ‘I know you’re staring at me and I like it’. You quickly look away but when you bravely glance back at him, he’s still smiling. The butterflies in your stomach claim control of your body for a split second and you shyly smile back. 

‘Are you intentionally licking and biting your lip to get his attention? The guy is surrounded by colleagues, leave him be!’ 

He exhales, so overcome with relief that his eyes threaten to flutter closed. Red eyes remain fixed on you until someone asks him a question, rudely interrupting your impromptu staring contest. 

“Hey, cutie! Did anything interesting happen after I left yesterday?” Rafayel probes as he gracefully glides into the chair next to you. Obviously unaware of Sylus’ presence.

You quickly shush him with wide eyes, hoping he’ll pick up on what you’re trying to convey.

“Oops.” He whispers when he finally sees the red eyes quietly observing him.

“I don’t get you, Raf. How is it that one minute you’re reminding me of how bad it could get and the next you practically shout at him to make a move?”

“I did no such thing, how dare you assume my innocent mind had concocted an evil plan to ensure you got flustered after you teased me about my lovelife?” He pouts and you roll your eyes at his dramatics.

You both laugh for a bit before he leans back with his arm resting on the back of your chair. 

“Sooo, did he talk to you?”

“Yes, he did.”

“And..?”

“He asked about you.”

“Me? Did you tell him I’m kinda seeing someone?”

“No, I didn't want to be the one to break the news. What if he’d started crying in the middle of the cafè?” You flick his forehead but he catches your wrist before you can make your escape and pulls you closer with a determined look on his face.

Rafayel absentmindedly glances in Sylus’ direction and his whole body instantly tightens and your wrist is released. You didn’t see Sylus’ face, as you finally succeeded in keeping your eyes off him for longer than thirty seconds, but the sheer force of his threatening gaze was enough to make Rafayel momentarily fear for his life.

“Ready to go?” He sputters nervously.

You nod questioningly at his sudden nervousness while you begin packing up your stuff. 

“If you hurry I’ll tell you about the guy I’m seeing.” You’re still confused about his agitated demeanor, but the promise of information is great motivation.

“Oh, it’s a guy?” You smile, halting your frantic packing just to take in his beautiful face, once again painted pink.

“I’m not saying anything else until we’re out of here.”

“Okey, okey. What’s gotten into you?” The rhetorical question is the last sound to escape you until you and Rafayel have left the premises and headed back to your dorm.

Sylus hadn’t meant to scare your friend so greatly, he just wanted to silently tell him to ‘back off’. Although, the reaction of the purple haired man who far too often clung to your side, was admittedly quite entertaining.

The consequence was that you were gone. Sylus had hoped he might be able to catch you on your way out. He was going to claim to be going in whatever direction you were headed, but then he showed up. 

Patience and restraint… 

He was doing fine (sort of) until Rafayel held your wrist and pulled you toward him. For a moment it looked like he was going to kiss you. Sylus had already had to bear witness to it once before, and it was not a sight he wished to see again.

Occasionally you would book a room at the university for group projects and study sessions – today was one of those days. There were supposed to be three of you, but the rest of your group bailed last minute claiming to have fallen ill. The fact that it was a Friday afternoon probably had nothing to do with the sudden onset of illness.

Your group abandoning you in favor of parties and alcohol did not change the fact that the project was due the following Tuesday. So you stayed and applied your best efforts like the good student you are. 

The quiet was nice, but heavy. Digging through your messy collection of unorganized playlists you click on one with calming lo-fi and no lyrics. That would be too distracting. Rough sounds mixed with faint static seeps out from your shitty laptop filling the room with slightly less loneliness. 

Dimmed overhead lights make your handwritten notes look far neater than they really are and dull the brightly colored neon highlighters into something much more palatable. The little frosted glass window on the door lets in light from the hallway reminding you that the world outside still exists. You’re locked in, fully focused on your assignment, nothing can break your concentration.

“Oh, sorry. The room looked dark, I thought it was available.” Professor Qin admits as he almost stumbles into the small room.

“It’s not. Sorry.” You reply coldly. “Don’t you have an office?”

“I do, but staring at the same four walls for so many hours a day is quite tiresome. I sometimes wander the halls for an empty room. Friday afternoons are usually a day I have several options to choose from, but I suppose people are finally starting to feel pressured to study.” You pretend not to listen too intently but the fact that he spends his Friday afternoons at the university and not literally anywhere else does surprise you a bit. 

“Do you mind..?” He gestures toward the chair opposite yours. 

Your mind is racing, hurling insults at your heart for even considering allowing him to stay. He shouldn’t even be asking… 

“I’m… I guess bu –” You stumble over your words in your search for the appropriate ones. “I can just leave…” You sigh and shuffle uncomfortably in your seat.

“No, there’s no need. I won’t bother you.” 

Before you have time to refuse he has already shut the door behind him and pulled out a chair. 

“What are you working on?” He asks.

“I thought you said you wouldn’t bother me?”

“I didn’t realize a simple question about your assignment was considered bothersome.”

“It is.” You glare at him through your lashes, irked by the smirk on his face that seems to only grow in the presence of your restlessness.

The problem is that you’re stuck, and the answer to that problem is sitting right in front of you. You didn’t find the topics in Professor Qin’s classes particularly hard, instead you found yourself adequately challenged in his lessons. The man himself was another story. But this one question has been glaring at you for the last ten minutes, and you do not know how to approach it. 

Eventually you give up, too annoyed to waste another second on the sentence in front of you. With a defeated exhale, you spin your laptop so the screen is readable for the both of you.  

“What did you mean by this question?”  You lean forward on the desk to point at your problem, keeping your eyes glued to the screen and not on him. 

But then he moves, leaning forward to get a closer look. His glasses low on his nose allowing him to peer over them with furrowed brows. You can feel the warmth radiating from him with this new proximity as you’re both angled in such a way that has your shoulders almost brushing against each other. You’re not looking at the screen anymore… 

“Did you hear what I said?” The sudden question catches you by surprise. He is facing you now, only inches away. So close you can feel his breath on your slightly parted lips.

His thumb lightly brushes over the back of your hand, but he doesn’t say anything. For a moment, Sylus is content with just existing quietly in your space. Fearing the moment will soon come to an end he reaches out and pushes a strand of hair behind your ear with the most delicate touch. He barely moves, but something in you tells you it's time to act before something happens. 

Slumping back in your chair with great urgency you roughly tuck that piece of hair behind your ear over and over like your touch will ultimately erase his. You dodge his scrutinizing gaze like it's a sport completely oblivious to the pained look of regret on his face. 

‘Fuck, how could I do this to her. Idiot! She won’t forgive me for this. I’ve ruined it, ruined us, before we even got the chance to be anything.’

Before Sylus is able to fully process what just happened, your laptop is tucked away into your bag with your notebook haphazardly forced down behind it. You stand, he follows, and for a moment you both just stare. Lost. Confused. Hurt…

“I’m sorry.” He says.

“Mhm. I bet.” You twist your fingers in the hem of your shirt as your cheeks burn bright red with both anger and embarrassment. 

And then you leave…

The next week is spent trying to avoid him. Not that you want to, but you have to. This thing the two of you were so close to tumbling into would jeopardize your education and his career. You couldn’t risk everything for a silly crush

Cause that’s what this is, right? Just a silly little crush…

You missed him. The teasing, the fun discussions in class. The fact that he looked at you like you mattered, like you were important to him…

You can tell he’s sorry, that dreary look in his eyes haunts you every single day. That spark he usually has during class has faded too. Hopefully you’re the only one who notices. Surely this pain of his is only visible to you because you caused it. No one suspects anything, even if you wear the matching other half of his sorrow. 

As your mind keeps drifting back to him you decide that you’re clearly not in the right headspace to study, so you pack up the disorganized mess you’ve created on the café table and get ready to face the cold evening air. 

As the sun sets in the distance, barely visible through the heavy onset of dark clouds, you find yourself stuck at your usual bus stop on your way home from the study session at the café – since Friday afternoons at campus had become treacherous territory, you came here to study instead. 

The rain starts slowly, almost pleasantly tickling your skin. It doesn’t take long before it’s pelting down on you. A punishment delivered by some unknown force for teetering too close on the edge of desire. 

Too many hours surrounded by stress and badly recycled air had eaten away at your defenses. You were tired, too tired to force your eyes to leave his. Every day you would choose a seat further and further towards the back of the auditorium, making sure to go for a different spot each time. It was never enough to escape him. 

Then the punishment stops. The familiar sound of rain against plastic surrounds you along with that scent. The one you shouldn’t recognize, that you shouldn’t crave. 

“When is your bus getting here?” His calm voice questions as he fixes the strap of your bag. It didn’t need fixing, that was just an excuse to move closer. An innocent touch containing so many secrets. 

It is also a silent way for Sylus to test the waters and see if you’ve missed him like he’s missed you. If this tiny gesture is accepted, perhaps there is still hope.

“It should have been here ten minutes ago.” You sigh, annoyed at your unreliable source of transportation. 

“Do you need a ride?”

“No.” Yes.

“I’m just being polite.”

“You always have ulterior motives. Don’t make me remind you of last week.” The words came across a lot harsher than you intended.

He pauses for a moment, like he’s actually a bit hurt by your accusation. Which is not a surprise as your own words burned against your throat while you forced them out. 

“Why are you so often frowning when I see you?”

“I think you just answered your own question.” 

“You wound me.” He said sarcastically but it was not a lie.

“Where is that restraint you spoke of so proudly a few weeks ago?"

“Believe me, it’s still present. You’d know if I’d ran out.” You turn slightly as he speaks, locking eyes with him for the first time since he appeared by your side. “My offer still stands, sweetie.”

“Fine… But don’t get the wrong idea. I just want to go home.”

He smiles triumphantly and raises his arm silently inviting you closer to his side. A new chance to show you that he can be close, without crossing over that edge. You freeze instantly, eyes wide and lips slightly parted as you stare up at him. He looks at your mouth only for a moment but immediately reclaims his composure pretending that he didn’t desperately want to lean down and kiss you.

‘A first kiss in the rain? Such a clichè… No, I have to wait. She’s still my student… She’s worth the wait, no matter how painful it proves to be.’

“It’s easier to keep us both under the umbrella if I can hold you like this while we walk to my car.” Smooth recovery, surely you didn’t notice how his breathing changed and his gaze flickering rapidly.

You don’t know whether to giggle uncontrollably or scream at him. But still, you accept his offer.

Behind the professional facade you both worked so hard to maintain, there were cracks. Tiny hairline fractures you hoped no one else could see. For every passing day more and more of the repressed tension bubbling underneath slipped through to the surface. 

Fleeting glances evolved into longing gazes across rows of unsuspecting witnesses. Jokes only you understood became a common occurrence leaving the rest of the class confused at the professor's strange sense of humor. And now he was touching you in a much more obvious way than an ‘accidental’ caress against your hand. In public.

This is dangerous. He’s being reckless… 

He opens the door to his car gesturing for you to get in. With one final stern glare, you do as he says and climb into the plush seat. Your bag is carelessly dropped on the floor by your feet but before you get the chance to reach for the seatbelt he has it in his grasp and leans over your smaller frame, buckling you in. His hand lightly brushes over the curve of your upper thighs on its retreat back to its master. Your gaze is locked in on his warm touch only parting to briefly stare at the strong line of his jaw and perfectly angled nose. With a deep exhale, he straightens himself and swiftly moves to the drivers side of the car. 

Taking out the claw clip pressing against your skull, you place it on the dashboard and relax into the seat. Sylus follows the brightly colored piece of plastic out of the corner of his eye and smiles at the sight of how your personal item looks so natural in his private vehicle. You had placed it there without a second thought, like it didn’t matter if you forgot to take it with you cause you’d be in this car again tomorrow anyways. 

He knows you won’t be, but a man can dream. 

“What’s your address?” He asks tapping at his phone awaiting your information. 

“I’m not telling you that.”

He scoffs, almost laughs, at your apprehension. “Sweetie, if I intended to start making house calls I wouldn’t need you to tell me where you live. I could access your info through the university.” 

“Oh.” That’s sort of a creepy thought… “Just drop me off at campus, I can walk from there.”

“It’s raining pretty badly, you know. Wouldn’t want you to catch a cold and miss out on any important schoolwork.” He teases, flashing you that stupid smirk of his. 

“Why do you say that? Are you planning to drop another elaborate assignment on us Monday morning?”

“Tsk tsk, spoilers.” 

Your facade cracks a little bit more and you smile. Not at him, no, can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he had any part in it. Instead you smile at your thighs. Thighs who look very lonely without his warm palm gliding across them…

Get your head back in the game, don’t let him charm you. Think of Rafayel, what would he think? What would he say if he saw you now? 

‘You know you can’t go there, right?’

‘If he tried to kiss you right now, would you let him?’

‘You know where to find me if you ever get too lonely, just knock first, please.’

Of course, that last one was probably off the table now that he was in an almost official proper exclusive relationship and all. 

Which leaves you in Sylus’ car on a Friday night. The second Friday night in a row spent in his presence. 

The ride to campus is far too short, yet you’re glad it's over. You politely thank him for the ride and open your door. Suddenly a long arm stretches across you and shuts it. You gasp at the movement but you’re already preparing an appropriate scolding lecture in your head.

“Don’t go.” He says, like the thought of you walking away would cause him great pain. 

“Sylus, I —”

“Please don’t say it. No jokes about my lack of restraint, believe me I am painfully aware.” 

“What do you want from me?”

“I just need you to admit it.” He doesn’t specify what, he doesn’t need to. 

“I can’t…”

“Why not? It doesn’t have to change anything, I just need to hear you say it. Just once.”

You feel guilty. You shouldn’t but you do. This man whom you have been quietly admiring for months now, who seemingly never lets anything get under his skin, is pleading and begging for a mere drop of your honest affection. You can be honest, can’t you?

“I can’t…” You whisper as your gaze falls to your thighs once more. 

“Why?”

“Because if I say it, everything changes. You say it won’t, but I know I will not be able to look at you the same way if I admit to my feelings.” But you kinda just admitted it, didn’t you? Try looking at him now. 

‘If he tried to kiss you right now, would you let him?’

Rafayel’s question echoes in your head. 

“Yes.” 

“What?” He sounds relieved, like you plucked a heavy weight off his shoulders without knowing you instead placed it on your own.

You don’t speak and you’re surprised when you see your hand moving toward his that is currently resting between you. Just before your fingers touch you manage to reclaim some of that highly sought after restraint that everyone seems to be running out of lately, instead opting for absentmindedly playing with the sleeve of his jacket. The warmth from his hand can be felt against yours taunting you for being such a coward as you settle for this almost touch. 

“Sweetie, I —”

“You can’t call me that. I should go, right? It’s late. Good night, Professor Qin.” You don’t look at him, you can’t. The tone of his voice tells you everything you didn’t want to know. 

You quickly grab your bag and return to your punishment of heavy rain soaking you to the bone. Clutching your bag to your chest, hoping and praying that your laptop doesn’t have to be punished for your sins, you sprint in the direction of your dorm. 

You can’t stand clichés but as you catch sight of yourself in the mirror, completely drenched, you let yourself cry. Drops of rain compete with your tears for real estate on your cheeks. The rain will dry up and the tears will win. 

You’d already spent the last months fighting against everything that felt right. At first you were simply enchanted, like any other being on this planet with eyes would be at the sight of him. Then he spoke, intelligent and wise beyond his years but always open to input from others. For the longest time you tried to convince yourself that he reacted similarly to any student who raised their hand in his class, there was nothing special about his reaction to your voice and words. Except there was, he admitted so himself.

Sylus sounded hurt, wounded. Like you had stabbed him in the chest without a second thought only to press the blade deeper with your pathetic excuse of an almost confession that probably left him with more questions than he already had. You’d never seen him properly sad before, you hated it. Mostly you hated that it was your fault.

The auditorium is almost empty today, which is strange considering Professor Qin has become quite popular. Eventually the excitement of him obviously had to die down, and the Monday blues wore too heavy on many of your classmates. You didn’t mind though, that meant you could sit at the very back, next to the exit and be the first one out the door. 

It was silent with only the most engaged students present and everyone working efficiently inside their own little bubble. You fought hard to do the same, but he was on the move. Something about the way the steps sounded told you it was him who was making his way up to the back of the auditorium. To you.

“Meet me in my office after class.” He whispered, but with how quiet the room was, his voice still traveled farther than he would like. Hence why he tried to keep the information to a minimum.

You were not convinced and silently blinked at him in response.

“Claw clip…” He mumbled, scratching the side of his head to distract any wandering eyes from the strange reasoning for his request. 

Oh, you’d left yours in his car before the weekend. How badly did you want it back? You could manage without it, you have others.

But by the end of the day your feet are dragging you to his office after your heart convinced your mind that this claw clip was important. 

You stop before you make the last turn into the hallway, startled by the sound of voices. One unknown female, and his. A brave peek around the corner reveals Sylus and another student from your class. He is standing in the open doorway into his office, she’s standing just beyond the threshold. Far too close. Then she moves, luckily not in your direction. 

So, you were just one of the many then… Simply the next in line to fall for his ‘cheap smirks and cocky attitude’ like Rafayel had called it. It shouldn’t bother you, but of course it does. 

“Miss?” Sylus’ voice echoes in the now empty hallway. 

‘At least he didn’t say ‘sweetie’.’

“Yes, Professor Qin.” You reply coldly.

He gestures for you to enter his office and you do, making sure he sees your displeased look before you pass him. The door shuts and you’re alone together.

“You forgot this.” He says almost bashfully as he hands over the worthless hair accessory.

You take it and place it gently into your backpack. If you came home to it missing teeth you would sue the manufacturer… 

“If I speak, will you listen?” He softly pleads as he leans back against his desk, keeping his hands firmly planted on the cold surface to prevent them from reaching for you.

“How many students are you shamelessly trying to seduce right now?” He stares at you, puzzled by your accusation.

“Only one, and I guarantee you it is not without shame.”

“Then, why was she here? Looking much more comfortable in your presence than I would consider normal.”

“She was curious about a theory I presented today and wondered if I could suggest where to find more studies on it. She never entered this room.” He paused, scanning your face for anything other than fury. “I am not immune to gossip and I am aware of how some students see me. Which is why I take extra care to avoid situations where they might try to take advantage of me and my position. I have no interest in being at the center of a scandal and no interest in them.”

“Then why am –”

“You, I can’t resist.” His reply is quick, without any hesitation.

“What if I’m just like them? What if I also want to take advantage of you and your position?”

“Then I have made it very easy for you to do so for months now, yet you have not initiated anything.”

“So..?”

“I trust you.” He says and for some reason it shocks you. 

He looks shorter than usual when he’s leaning on his desk like that, less intimidating, more vulnerable. You cross your arms protectively across your chest, just in case he’s able to see your heart pounding against it. The force of the rapid beats makes it feel like your arms are shaking along with the rhythm. So, you tuck your hands into your backpockets instead. Imprisoning them for wanting so desperately to reach out and touch him and wipe away that look of painful hesitation he far too often has to wear in your presence. 

You take a step forward, then another. Sylus’ gaze is fixed on your shoes, his breath hitches with every timid stride that brings you closer to him.

Once you are so close that he has to part his knees to make room for your body, he whispers. The sound of your name on his voice makes you gasp. Not ‘Sweetie’, not ‘Miss’, just your name.

His hands have turned into fists pressing themselves into the hard surface of his desk. Every muscle is tense with restraint so agonisingly painful Sylus worries he will break any second.  

“Can you say that again, I didn’t quite hear you.” You lean forward, bracing yourself on his strong thighs to keep yourself from falling into him.

“Say what?”

“My name.”

He says it again with such longing and adoration, like it truly means something to him. But you’re not satisfied, you want more.

“Again.” You rest your forehead against his as he obliges your request, whispering your name like he’s worshipping you. 

You take one of his fists and pry apart his fingers to make room for yours. He is still hesitating, still scared. He still needs to hear you say it, say that you want him.

“Sylus…”

“Don’t touch me like that unless you mean it.” His voice is shaky now, honest, naked.

“I mean it.” You take the hand that isn’t laced with his and place it on his chest before letting it map out the shape of his collarbones, adamsapple, jaw and cheek. “I mean it.”

“Tell me to stop, now. One more second like this and I won’t be able to hold back any longer.” His arms wrap around you, tracing your body like you’re a book he’s been aching to read. Slow and patient, savoring every breath and tremble. “I’ve waited, I’ve been so patient. I will keep waiting if you choose to pull away. I won’t be upset.”

Your lips quiver, so you hold your breath attempting to keep them still. The sensible part of your mind who has been shouting at you to remember that Sylus is your Professor hasn’t given up yet. So you fight it, with as much force as you can muster. Your lips hesitantly brush against his, barely there before they disappear again. 

‘Please, Sylus. Pull me close, I’m so scared. Please, kiss me…’

But he can’t read your mind, and he is determined that he will not be the one to cross the final barrier. The choice is yours, it always has been. 

Your fingers have found their way to the nape of his neck, lingering close to feel the steady hum of his pulse. One hand travels to his soft silvery strands and you anchor yourself to them, using your grasp to guide him forward so your lips can finally touch.

The instant relief of his lips on yours makes your now relaxed body reliant on his strong arms to keep you standing. The kiss is deep, hungry, but not rushed. His grip on you grows tighter and tighter as you lose yourselves in the closeness you’ve been craving for much longer than you could ever admit.  

Sylus’ hands venture lower until they can get a secure hold of your thighs, lifting you easily before turning your both around and depositing you on top of his desk. His lips never part from yours, he wouldn’t dare.

“I’m.. So… Sorry… Sylus…” You mumble between and during kisses causing him to pause and pull back slightly with concerned eyes.

“Whatever you think you need to apologize to me for, I assure you it is not necessary. I know we have many things to discuss, but can’t it wait? I wish to enjoy this moment a little longer.” His warm hands caress your cheeks making you feel safe, even with the possible consequences of your actions hovering somewhere close ready to strike you down at any moment. 

You nod eagerly and he’s back on you in an instant.

The next few weeks pass by in a hazy blur of broken rules and hidden kisses. That conversation you were supposed to have was put on the back burner in favour of simply savouring each other. Irresponsible. Immature. Greedy.

You hated it, but there was no way in hell you’d let it end. Rafayel was also still kept in the dark, which made you feel like absolute shit. 

He was beaming, clearly falling hard for his new boyfriend, Xavier. You were so happy for him and wanted nothing more than to share your own happiness too! But you couldn’t. Cause you had to go fall for your Professor while Rafayel fell for the cute boy next door.

“Raf, why do you smell different today? It’s not bad, just different.”

“Oh, I accidentally grabbed Xavie’s sweater this morning. It was dark and I was in a rush.” He says nonchalantly, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. 

For most couples it probably is. 

Xavier seems like a great fit for Rafayel. His generally calm vibes swoop in whenever Raf gets caught up on something that troubles him. Sort of similar to what Sylus does for you, except he has to be sneaky about it.

“Have you been with anyone recently?” 

“Huh?” Don’t blush, don’t blush, don’t blush.

“You just seem a bit distracted, lonely even. And now that I have Xavier and I’m not taking care of you the same way I used to I’m just wondering if I’ve gotta help you find someone to keep you company.” 

‘I already have someone.’

You and Rafayel were sitting on a secluded bench soaking in the late spring sunshine like you were immune to the inevitable burn. An iced coffee passed back and forth between you for sustenance. 

“So, cutie. Will you do me the honor of letting me be your wingman?”

“Sylus…” Speak of the devil and he appears in a sleek black car that probably costs more than your tuition. 

“What?!” Rafayel screeched. 

Oh, you’d said his name out loud.

His shocked reaction is loud enough to draw Sylus’ attention to you. Rafayel is clearly unimpressed when he finally makes the connection. If you whispering his name was enough to raise suspicions, Sylus’ almost terrified expression completed the puzzle. 

Sylus rubs the side of his neck before dropping his shameful gaze to the ground and walking away. Each step more painful than the last. 

“Cutie, you didn’t. Did you?”

“Keep your voice down, please!” Your look of sadness softens his tone before he speaks again.

“What did he do?” He accuses, disdain dripping off each word.

“Nothing, Raf. We’re —” A couple, friends, an enigma, practically illegal? 

You can't even say you’re friends with benefits, you haven’t slept together yet. What does stolen kisses in dark corners and late night phone calls amount to? 

“— We have a mutual agreement.”

“And how long have you had this ‘mutual agreement’?”

“Three weeks or so.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” 

“I wanted to, but… I don’t know, Raf. We barely know what we’re doing and until I graduate we’re kinda limited on ways to figure stuff out.”

“Is he nice to you?” 

“Of course. I wouldn’t put myself through this if I didn’t think he was worth it.” His question confuses you. 

Rafayel stares at you intently, like he’s searching for bruises or scars he somehow neglected to heal. 

“And here I thought you seemed lonely…”

“You’re not wrong, even if I know he’s there I can’t need him. It is lonely.” You know your best friend like the back of your hand which makes it easy to tell that Rafayel is also bothered by something other than you dating your professor. “Raf, what’s on your mind?”

“How’d I miss it? I should have seen that the change in your behavior wouldn’t be fixed by simply getting you laid. I’m sorry.”

“Woah, Raf, slow down. How did me having a secret relationship with my professor turn into you apologizing?”

“I don’t know! Maybe I’ve been so caught up in my own relationship that I unintentionally neglected ours leaving you open to his advances.”

You crawl into his lap and put your entire weight into embracing him, just how he likes it. 

“I promise I have not felt neglected. I love you and I love you with Xavier. I promise.”

“I love you too, cutie.” He breathes into your hair and squeezes you against him. “I can’t say I fully approve of this ‘mutual agreement’ of yours, but if I try to ignore what he does for a living I’m very interested in the details.”

You pull back and smile. 

“I’m not going to be able to tease you properly without having all the info, you know.”

You made it a grand total of two minutes into your much needed ramble about Sylus before Rafayel made a joke about you ‘not just jumping his bones already’, but it was exactly the reaction you expected from him. You want him to know everything, you want him to tease and taunt you for being so utterly smitten with the tall, dark and handsome man who’s technically supposed to be off limits. It felt like a weight was lifted off your shoulders with each dirty joke that escaped his lips. You loved it. You loved that he finally knew. 

That afternoon you did something possibly stupid. After your final class you went back to that same bench and waited. 

His car is still here, good. 

You hear a heavy door open and close somewhere nearby. Determined steps thump along the asphalt before a broad back clad in a leather jacket moves in front of you. He can’t see you from here, but that’s ok. Before he has time to get in his car, you pick up your phone and call him. 

“Sweetie? Why are you calling at this hour? Are you ok?” 

“I’m ok, I just wanted to hear your voice.” Even though you can’t see his face, you know he’s smiling.

“Alright, I’ll indulge you. How did it go with your friend earlier? Judging by the look on his face I assume he figured us out?”

“He did, yeah. I told him everything and it felt so great to finally share it with him. I hope that’s ok?”

“I’m glad, Sweetie.” A breath passes. “Can I take you to my place tonight? You don’t have to stay over, but it would be nice to finally spend some time together.” 

You have to fight back giggles in order to formulate a response. “Mhm, that would be nice. I’ll just head home to get some things and check when the next bus leaves.” 

“I want to drive you.”

“Isn’t that a bit risky?”

“Probably, but forgive me for not having too much faith in the public transport around here.”

“Okey then. Meet me in the alley behind my dorm in about 20 minutes?”

“I’ll do my best to survive the wait.”

“Hey, Sylus.”

“Hm?”

“Turn around.”

He looks confused for a moment, but then he sees you and stares like you’re some beautiful mirage in the desert he’s been traversing for far too long. Except you’re not a mirage. He can touch you, feel your warmth because you’re real and you’re his. 

Exactly 20 minutes later you carefully emerge from your building, with the hood of your sweater (Rafayel’s sweater) covering most of your face. Your backpack is stuffed to the brim with your usual school stuff, plus a change of clothes and toiletries, just in case. 

You scan the area like you’re on some undercover mission, making sure the coast is clear before you move. Almost hidden in the shade of the surrounding buildings, you find your target. 

“Hahaha, you look ridiculous, Sweetie.” Sylus exclaims as you enter the car. His shoulders shake with the low rumble of his laughter.

“What? Why? I didn’t want to be seen.” You laugh back at him attempting to justify the oversized hoodie currently hindering your eyesight.

He continues to laugh, and you let yourself drown in it. 

Then he takes his sunglasses out of the glove compartment and places them on your nose.

“There, now no one will recognize you.” 

You swat at his arm unaware that he’s launching a sneak attack. He takes your misbehaving wrist in his hand and brings it to him. The sensitive skin pulses against his warm lips and you can already feel your body getting impatient. 

But then he stops and pulls away with a questioning look.

“Who’s sweater is this? It doesn’t smell like you.”

“Oh, it’s Rafayel’s.” 

“Hm…” You wait for him to say something more, but he doesn’t. Instead the conversation shifts back to regular topics, like you were a normal couple catching up on the other persons day. 

Sylus’ house is huge! Your shitty little dorm could probably fit inside his house at least 10 times. 

“Gawking?” He smugly notes as he snatches your backpack from your grasp.

“Mhm.” You don’t even try to deny it. 

“Let’s go inside, Sweetie.” He chuckles some more, guiding you over the threshold.

You didn’t even notice the bags of groceries he carried, he must have gone shopping whilst you were getting your stuff. 

“Wait here.” Sylus kisses your cheek, drops the groceries and bolts. It sounds like he must be tackling at least two steps at a time up the staircase.

Before you even have time to consider following him, he’s back by your side.

“Take your shirt off.”

“What?!”

He tosses you something he’d kept hidden behind his back. A soft black hoodie that unmistakably smells like him.

“Syluuus.” 

“Yes, Sweetie?”

“Are you jealous of Rafayel?”

“Is it wrong of me to want my scent on you rather than another mans?” 

You lick your lips in subtle annoyance and roll your eyes at him, but of course you’re going to do what he asks. As you grab onto the sides of Rafayel’s hoodie and slowly tug it upwards, a strange sense of vulnerability washes over you. It’s not like you’ll suddenly be naked in front of him, you’re wearing a t-shirt underneath. But there’s still something very intimate about taking your clothes off in front of him.

Sylus glances away, but he only manages for a second. Once he sees the white hem of a t-shirt, he dares return his gaze. He’s wanted you for so long that the tiny slither of bare skin above the waistband of your jeans revealing itself when your arms lift above your head, is enough to stir something deep inside him. 

But, this is a date – the closest you’ll be able to get to one anyways. He’s a gentleman, and he wants to show you. 

“I’ll get started on dinner. Can I get you anything to drink?” He says once you emerge from his hoodie.

“I have –” Then he steps closer. His hands find their way up to the neckline of your hoodie. The tips of his fingers trace along the edge and intentionally brush against your skin. “— Schoolwork.” 

He takes a small step backwards and glances proudly down at the dip of your collarbone like it holds his secrets. 

“I haven’t handed out anything this week?” He ponders, almost like he’s wondering if he’s lost track of his own assignments.

“I have other classes apart from yours, you know.”

“Oh, you do? And here I thought I had your undivided attention.” He smirks, as usual, and you fight the urge to stick your tongue out at him. “Allright then, be a good student and get to work. Let me know if you need anything.”

He kisses your cheek and returns his attention to the groceries you forgot about the second he tossed you his hoodie.

You consider your options for where you want to study. The couch or the kitchen island? You’d probably get more done on the couch with some distance between yourself and the man who will apparently take on the role of your personal chef for the evening. So of course you stroll into the kitchen and unload the necessary books and your laptop onto the island. 

And that’s when you see it; he’s tied a neat little bow around your neck with the strings of his hoodie. 

“You look cute, like a kitten with a collar.” He smiles, almost arrogantly, but with a genuine adoration.

This time, you do stick your tongue at him. 

Sylus somehow manages to prepare what is likely the best meal you’ve ever eaten. You compliment him, carefully, making sure not to inflate his ego any further. You’ve had a glass of red that cost a small fortune, he has barely sipped his.

“Sylus, did you not like the wine?”

“No, I do.”

“Then why have you barely had any?”

“I didn’t want to make any assumptions, in case you decided you wanted to go home and would need a ride.”

You blink at him, probably looking stupid and confused for reasons you’ll never know. For each second your eyes nervously flicker away from his, his posture tightens slightly. It’s not like he expects you to stay, that’s a choice only you can make. But there is no denying that he hopes he won’t have to gather the strength to say goodbye to you tonight. 

Pouring some more wine into your glass, you pick it up and hold it towards him. Sylus stares at it, red eyes beaming at the deal being made once his glass touches yours.

Clink.

You sip. He indulges.

Once the plates are cleared and you’ve both had a bit more wine than you should have allowed yourself for a normal weekday, he offers you a tour of his house. He has a gym, of course, spacious office, cozy tv-room that could probably be classified as a home cinema. The tour finishes upstairs with the bedrooms. He has four.

“You can choose which one you want. Mine is at the end of the hall.” He’s barely touched you all night, almost like he’s afraid. 

Being here with you, in the comfort of his own home offers freedoms he has craved for months. But now that his dreams of worshipping you freely, without concern for who might see, are coming true, he finds himself hesitating. Not because he doesn’t want to touch you, oh gods he does, but perhaps he had a little more restraint left in him after all and letting the final bits of it go when he’s held onto it for so long is a surprisingly daunting task. 

“I can choose whichever one I want?” You question innocently and he hums in agreement. “Then I choose yours.”

He blinks, breathes, takes a moment to mull over your words. Why is he surprised? He shouldn’t be. 

“Is that ok, Sylus? If it’s not I –”

“No, you’re more than welcome to share my room, Sweetie.”

“Why are you holding back? You seem more hesitant now than ever before.”

“It seems surreal to finally have you here. No potentially prying eyes or boundaries beyond the ones you and I decide on together. It’s almost too much freedom, I don’t know how to utilize it.”

You take his hand in yours, raising it to your cheek so you can nuzzle against his palm. He caresses your cheek gingerly in response. 

“You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I want you too.” Your attempt to soothe his worry seems to instead fuel more questions.

“What makes you think I’m afraid?” What he should have asked is how you can tell that he is. 

“Because you tend to hide behind borderline arrogant confidence. With me you know you don’t have to maintain that facade but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to let it go. Just relax, Sylus.” You can tell he’s about to make some snarky comment on your assessment of his personality, but you don’t let him.

You reach out and brush your thumb over his bottom lip just as it separates from the top one. Instead of words you are met with a gentle fan of warm breath as he exhales deeply at your touch. 

“The first time we kissed, you told me you trust me. Do you still?” You lean further into his palm that still cradles your cheek and kiss it tenderly.

“Of course, Sweetie.”

“Good.” You take his hand back into yours and guide him down to the end of the hall.

It still surprises you that he teased and flirted with you for months, driving you absolutely crazy in more ways than one. But when it comes to physical intimacy and crossing into new areas of your relationship, he wants you to open the door. 

His room is meticulous, you’re not surprised. Dimmed lighting, his welcoming scent much stronger than on his hoodie, and satin sheets you were ready to lose yourself in. You turn to face him as he lingers in the doorway and you can’t help but laugh at the sight.

“What?” He asks puzzled.

“This is your room, Sylus. Why does it look like you’re waiting for permission to enter?”

“Maybe because I am.”

Perhaps you can use his restraint against him, get back at him for every flirty remark and comment he uttered purely to make you blush for him. What would it take to see that blush finally erupt on his face rather than your own?

You unbuckle your belt and slowly shimmy out of your jeans. The original intent was to keep your eyes locked on his to gauge any possible sign of change in behavior. That plan had to be abandoned when you felt your own skin tingle warmly at the thought of him watching you undress. Even if your attempt to make him blush had been successful, you wouldn’t know because you were too busy trying to hide your own. 

Sylus watches in awe. This girl who had been fighting his advances for so long (rightfully so), was standing in his bedroom barelegged in his hoodie beckoning him toward her. He adjusts the collar of his shirt, as if it would make a difference to his increased temperature. It doesn’t.

“You coming?” You smile innocently and reach out a hand for him to take, which he does.

But now you feel your own fears bubble to the surface. You have no doubt about what you want, but you realize now how important he has become. This won’t be like it was when you were a teenager having sex for the first time, thinking you were in love but secretly being absolutely miserable. It won’t be like with Rafayel, safe and familiar in a way only a best friend can be, without fear of what will happen the next day. No, you and Sylus have high stakes invested in this. Emotion, unspoken promises, anticipation and yearning that has been plaguing you both for so long. 

He can’t read your mind, but sometimes it feels like he can. His fingers are back to tracing your neckline before he quickly undoes the bow he tied earlier and then he smiles. Almost a smirk, but warmer and intended for comfort. He leans down and you meet him halfway in a slow, languid kiss. 

The kiss grows hungrier as two sets of hands roam and explore both your aching bodies like you’re sculptures at a museum you’re not permitted to touch. It doesn’t take long before you’re both confident enough to claim the other like they were always supposed to be yours. 

Sylus’ hands slip lower and his warm palms connect with the goosebumps on your thighs as you begin the tedious job of unbuttoning his shirt. You had imagined doing this so many times; you were going to work each button slowly, savour every new inch of skin that revealed itself under your touch. But reality had its own way of unfolding and you were simply far too impatient. 

Sylus was not faring much better than yourself and with each new button undone his grip on your backside grew bolder and bolder. Then you felt the weight of his hands kneading the soft flesh of your rear, nudging you closer. 

With the final button out of the way you immediately go for his belt. 

“Slow down, kitten. There’s no need to rush.”

“I thought I was a kitten because of the bow you tied, I’m not wearing a collar anymore.” You remark breathlessly, unapologetically eager to resume undressing him. 

He grabs both your wrists in one of his before you can reconnect them with his belt and pins them behind your back. His other hand gently tilts your head so he has access to your neck where he drags slow, wet kisses in a horizontal line. Without releasing you, he guides you over to a mirror, angling you just right so the light catches his saliva on your skin. 

“There, a new collar for my kitten.” You roll your eyes but when his low chuckle reaches your ears you can’t help yourself and laugh along with him. 

You can see his bare shoulders in the mirror but the rest of his naked torso is hidden by your own reflection. Turning around proves impossible as he still holds your hands tightly. 

“Not yet, Sweetie. Let me look at us for a bit longer.” He breathes against your neck keeping his eyes fixed on your reflection. “You’re beautiful. And you smell like me, like you’re mine.”

“I am yours.”

Those three words coming out of your mouth ignites the fire inside him, transforming it to an inferno only you have the power to put out. 

Your body is quickly turned around so you’re facing him again as his lips glue to yours. With your hands finally free you get back to undressing him, but where your hands were expecting to find his belt buckle you instead make contact with the elastic waistband of his boxers. Belt gone and zipper already pulled down. 

Caught off guard by your sudden discovery you pull back and draw a much needed deep breath. You can see him now, all of him. All firm muscle and smooth skin, the undeniable shape of an erection poking through the taut fabric of his boxers. 

“Enjoying the view, kitten?”

You violently blush, caught in the act, but Sylus just laughs. The sound is welcomed with open arms, even if you scowl at him like it isn’t. You’re just glad he has been able to relax. 

He maintains eye contact with you as he pulls down his trousers; successfully completing the task you had attempted earlier, without blushing. 

You stare. You can’t help it. The erection you caught sight of earlier was pretty much staring back at you like it was challenging you to a duel or asking if you know any good self defense techniques. Right now you wish you did, looks like you might need some. 

The mattress dips and Sylus shuffles himself under the sheets. He must have somehow read your mind again and sensed your intimidation because he’s not teasing or flirting or trying to get a reaction out of you anymore, he’s just Sylus.

“Come here.” He says calmly with a voice so deep you might drown in it.

The air around you is warm and almost heavy with the weight of the moment. Biting down on your bottom lip you take slow steps toward Sylus’ concealed figure. You swear you can still see his bulge through the satin that so valiantly tries to detain his undeniable arousal. 

“We can just sleep if you want.” His voice is low, careful, but still full of want and desire. 

Except you don’t want to sleep, not yet anyways. You bravely lift your body to stand on your knees before placing one thigh on each side of his slim waist. But you don’t lower yourself down, keeping a few centimeters of safe distance between you and his overwhelming size. 

“Sweetie?”

“Hm?”

“If you want to stop, just say it.”

“I don’t want to stop.”

He doesn’t ask what’s bothering you, he knows. It’s not exactly hard to figure you out when you keep staring like that. 

“Can I take this off then?” The question is followed by his hands twisting themselves into your hoodie. 

You nod and it’s gone in an instant. 

“And this?” He asks, this time referring to your t-shirt.

You nod again.

“From this moment forward I’m going to require you to use your words, Sweetie. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes.” You answer confidently. 

“Good girl.” He purrs. 

You shiver at the copious amount of bare skin revealed to his hungry gaze, but his words are what really get to you, causing your knees to buckle and threaten the distance you still maintain.

With your t-shirt discarded somewhere across the room you are left in your mismatched underwear consisting of black cotton panties and a baby blue bra adorned with lace that Rafayel gifted you for your birthday. The fact that you didn’t wear the matching thong will haunt you for the rest of your life. 

“Hey.” He whispers. “Look at me.”

You blink down at him, frozen in a strange state of aroused and apprehensive. 

“Do you still want this?” He asks again and you feel yourself getting annoyed. Not at him, but at yourself for making him question just how badly you want this. 

Bracing yourself on his chest, you lean forward to capture his lips. You kiss him with the force of every word you haven’t been able to say and he reciprocates. 

Strong arms wrap around you again pulling your chest down to meet his. A soft moan suddenly escapes you and the sound causes Sylus’ hips to jerk forward causing his hardness to make contact with your damp core. 

You break the kiss to hide yourself in the crook of his neck. 

“Sweetie, what’s the matter?”

“You know what!” You mumble into the pillow.  

“Tell me.” Even though you can’t see him, you know he’s smirking. He knows exactly what he’s asking you to say but being quiet about it is obviously not doing you any favors.

“Its such a cringey thing to say though, please don’t make me!” You mock cry against his shoulder. 

He chuckles, almost cackles at your mortification. He’s cruel… He’s Sylus, and he’s yours. 

“Sweetie?”

“Ugh, fine.” You sigh defeatedly before sitting back up to face him. “You’re big, you’ve got a big dick which I’m pretty sure isn’t exactly information you need me to tell you. Happy now?”

“Music to my ears.” He teases earning himself a slap without any real force or anger across his chest. 

“You’re infuriating.” 

“You love it.”

“Maybe I do…” You whisper, like it’s a secret that will never escape this room. A secret the man below you will never forget. 

He gulps loudly and shuffles himself back up into a seated position. The movement causes your balance to falter and the distance between you vanishes into a cacophony of needy moans and hungry kisses. This time, he’s not letting you go and he presses you closer to prove his point. 

Desperate palms take hold of your hips encouraging you to move as his lips drag down your neck before settling at the top of your breast. You can feel his teeth nipping at the plush mound followed by a gentle tongue to soothe the sting. 

Grinding down on his clothed cock is slowly sending you down the path of insanity. Going against your better judgement, you beg. 

“Sylus, please.” You whimper against his neck. 

“Please what? Use your words, Sweetie. Just like we agreed.”

“Please touch me.” You seal the deal with lazy kisses along his chiseled jawline and a particularly slow grind against him. 

The world tilts and he’s got you pinned underneath him. His mouth eagerly returns to your breast, this time accompanied by a kneading palm, increasingly annoyed by the presence of your bra.

You arch your back to grant him access to the clasp, which he undoes with one skillful flick. He pulls back to take in your bare chest and then you see it; that faint tinge of pink subtly ghosting across his cheekbones. 

‘I finally made him blush…’

“Why are you smiling like that, Sweetie?”

“No reason.” You shrug innocently. “Pink looks good on you.” A teasing finger glides across the affected area and he spoils you as the color blooms brighter under your touch. 

A sound reminiscent of a growl erupts from somewhere deep inside him before he dips back down to your chest. The warmth from his cheeks presses against your skin as his lips inch closer to your exposed nipple. 

His tongue teasingly drags across your skin before he envelops your hardened peak in the warmth of his mouth, sucking gently. Your back arches, pressing your chest even firmer against him and his skilled tongue. 

Your hands tangle in his hair, preparing to pull him up to kiss him and beg for more. Luckily you don’t have to because he swiftly shifts his attention to your other nipple where the sensation of his touch feels brand new again. 

It takes you too long to notice that you’ve been grinding up against his lower abdomen for an unknown amount of time, the sudden realization carries the unpleasant taste of embarrassment. 

His gaze settles on you, filled with tenderness. 

“Don’t you dare be embarrassed for wanting me.” His body moves further down, kissing every piece of skin in his path before his determined fingers wrap themselves around your underwear. “Don’t hold back, Sweetie.” 

Then you’re graced with the feeling of his tongue and lips mapping out the expanse of your folds. He works meticulously, taking his time to gauge your body’s response to every lick and suck he provides. 

His hand finds one of yours and places it back in his hair and you desperately grab a fistful. Soft lips and a perfectly firm tongue, who seem to have finally discovered their true purpose, work in tandem to bring you pleasure that normally would be reserved for divine goddess’. To Sylus, you deserve nothing less. 

A long finger eases its way inside you, quickly followed by another providing a pleasant stretch. His fingers curl just right and you find yourself trembling from the steadily increasing pleasure of him between your legs. 

“Sylus, I’m — ah!”

“Didn’t hear you, Sweetie. Speak up.” He mumbles without fully breaking contact with your sensitive clit. 

You oblige his request, whether intentionally or not, as your orgasm crashes down on you. His name proudly dances on your tongue mixed with wanton moans of indescribable pleasure. If not for his strong hands on your thighs, you’re certain you could have accidentally strangled him with them. Your hand tugs slightly at his soft hair as he works you through the aftershocks of your climax, not stopping until you tug again with more determined precision. 

“Pink looks good on you too, Sweetie. But we knew that already.” He gazes up at you through his unfairly long lashes, smiling like he’s just won a game you didn’t realize you were playing. 

Fighting the urge to reach down and slap him again you instead opt for covering your flushed cheeks with your hands. 

The warmth of his body hovers above you once more and before he can make any more comments on the state of your post orgasmic self, you pull him down by the nape of his neck for a hungry kiss. Even now, you find yourself eager for more of him.

Pulling back, he peels off his tight boxers revealing himself to you in his entirety. No matter how hard you try to ignore it, that feeling of intimidation rears its ugly head again. 

Reaching over to the nightstand, Sylus obtains a condom from the top drawer and rolls it onto himself with shaky hands and unsteady breaths. 

He was nervous too, of course he was. What if he was too big for you and no matter how thoroughly he prepped you, it would never be enjoyable? 

“Tell me to stop if it’s too much.” He almost whispers against your lips. 

You nod, and he accepts your response even if he would have greatly preferred to hear you say it. 

He kisses you softly and lines himself up before gently and slowly pushing forward. Sylus continues to spoil you with tender pecks, making sure to leave room for any complaints or apprehensions. 

Despite your best efforts to remain relaxed and pliant, the sting soon evolves into a burn and you tense up. 

The tiniest whimper of pain escapes you and Sylus pauses instantly. 

“Don’t pull out.” You exclaim, followed by another whimper that sounds much more akin to something pleasurable. “Just hold still for a bit.”

“Thank you for telling me, Sweetie.” He says and proceeds to carefully lift one of your legs to rest over his back. 

Sylus’ hips remain stagnant but his kisses are endless. When he feels your hips moving slowly upwards to meet his, he picks up where he left off and sinks further into you. 

Breaths filled with pleasure and relief fill the room before they are replaced by satisfied moans. His sound stupidly sexy, of course. 

He keeps a slow steady pace, still reluctant to push himself all the way in. You don’t even notice there are still a few centimeters that have yet to be enveloped in your warmth. 

“Are you ready?” He asks. 

“For w-what?” You can barely get the words out through the haze of pleasure he’s providing. 

With a final slow thrust he buries all of him deep inside you at last. 

“Oh! Sylus! Ah!” The pain has almost completely dissipated and you feel full in the best way possible. 

One hand snakes its way under your back, keeping you tucked snugly against him as he moves his hips into you. The other hand blindly searches for yours guided only by a need for the pressure of your fingers tethering him to you. 

Finally, he’s yours! You can touch him, kiss him, talk, joke, play, no one can tell you you’re not allowed to love each other. 

You smile against the crook of his neck eager to uncover the secrets of the future with him. With your Sylus. Suddenly life seems a little less daunting, feeling bored had become a foreign concept the day you met him and you felt dedicated to explore what lies ahead with him by your side. 

This giant of a man who could probably snap you in half if he wanted to, is treating you like exquisite fine china as he showers you in the most tender adoration. 

Somehow, he’s making you feel like you actually deserve it. 

“Nng… Sweetie, you’re taking me so well. I never thought I’d — mmh! Can I cum? Is it ok if I cum?”

“Cum for me, Sylus. Please, cum for me.” You whimper as you trail warm kisses across his shoulder. 

His body instantly tenses and he holds you even tighter as his hips thrust deep for the final time. 

Your only regret is that you couldn’t see his face as he came. That would be a priority for next time. 

“I’m sorry, Sweetie. I was caught off guard.”

“Don’t you dare try to apologize for anything, not now! I already came once, now we’re even.” You kiss his cheek and wrap your arms firmly around his broad back. 

“I’ll make it up to you.” He says as he tries to pull away, but you won’t let him. 

“Nah-ah! Do whatever the hell you want, as long as you can do it from right here.” 

He chuckles deeply, voice sore and slightly roughened from the strenuous activities. 

“Fine, I’ll stay right here.” He whispers and returns your kiss with one of his own. 

It doesn’t take long before you feel a hand pressing itself in between your bodies clearly aiming for your sensitive clit. You did say he could do whatever he wanted as long as he didn’t move away, technically he’s not breaking any rules… 

The alarm was set intentionally early the next morning so that you’d have extra time to spend with each other, and time to concoct a master plan to ensure you both made it to campus without being spotted together. 

He made you breakfast, likely the only proper breakfast you’d had since before you started university. He kissed you, a lot. Claimed it was to make up for all the kisses he wouldn’t be able to give you for the rest of the day. You had no complaints, obviously. 

It felt strange to be in his class and try to pretend like you hadn’t had sex last night before spending the rest of the dark hours tangled together in his bed. It honestly sucked to have to pretend it didn’t happen, but you didn’t have a choice. A few more weeks, then you graduate, and an appropriate amount of time after that you’d get to openly have each other. You hated the wait, but he was worth it.

You’d already made a mental note to inform him of the fact that he can’t stare at you like you’re still naked underneath him when he’s in the middle of his lecture. The fact that you did the same to him wasn’t as big of an issue, cause the only one who could properly see your face was him. 

Suddenly the incessant blaring of a fire alarm reverberates through the entire building and the clothes you had mentally removed from Sylus’ body had to come back on. 

“Alright everyone, out the door. Slow and steady.” Sylus’ calm voice utters loudly as he gesticulates toward the door to his left. 

Everyone else is busy with themselves, too busy to notice how his eyes have been locked on you since the alarm began. 

Even if it’s just a false alarm, he needs to make sure you’re safe. There was no way he’d let you out of his sight once you both joined the rest of the evacuating students and faculty beyond the door. 

So you move slowly, ensuring that you’re the last person out before he joins you. 

The hallways are packed. Some people are stressed, others just happy to get a break. Out of the corner of your eye you spot a head of purple waves, clutching the arm of a blonde wearing a white knitted sweater. And right behind you is the familiar warmth of that embrace you were not supposed to fall into, but you did anyway. 

And you would do it again in a heartbeat…

AN: This is only my second attempt at writing smut and my first time with Sylus, hopefully it was enjoyable and I didn't disappoint any Sylus mains who might come across this 🥀 Thanks for reading! 🐦‍⬛ Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If anyone is interested in being added to the taglist, let me know!

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze

ll Read more: Masterlist ll © Colonel Kaboom ll

[colonelkaboom]

Every vanquished foe

Chapter 5 - Duty and desire

Xavier invited you to his bed. You accepted... With your hand in his, you begin exploring the treacherous mountain ahead. A mountain of responsibilities, quiet desperation and unknown challenges you will never be fully prepared to face. Will you reach the peak, or tumble in your search for satisfaction? At least you know your husband will be there to catch you when you fall...

Prologue ll Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6 ll Chapter 7 ll

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ✦ Xavier x Reader ✦ Word count: 4.1k ✦ Fantasy/royalty au ✦ Arranged marriage, Prince/King Xavier, Princess/Queen reader, angst, comfort, death of parent, panic attacks, seizures, repressed emotions, strangers to lovers, shared first times, sexual inexperience, MDNI

“Are you familiar with what comes next?” Xavier gently questions as he scatters light kisses along your neck. The feeling is new and exciting as the sensation of his lips cascades through your body. 

“Not entirely, no. I have been given brief instructions on the physical task of creating a child, but through whispers and gossip I have come to learn that the act can be so much more.” 

You feel yourself violently blush and the previously pleasant warmth from the fire is quickly becoming rather unbearable. “It is quite warm in here, is it not?”

Xavier pulls away and for a moment you fear he assumed he had caused you discomfort. But then a gentle tug at your back tells you he has begun unlacing your dress, agonizingly slow… 

Each slightly impatient pull has you shivering with anticipation. His gentle touch on your back is warm and the stark contrast to your suddenly chilled skin triggers goosebumps along your body.

It hits you then; you will be naked soon. You will be naked in front of a man and his bare skin will be on yours. How much would he be able to feel? How sensitive is a humans sense of touch when he is bare on top of another? Would he be able to find the scar on your lower back without searching for it with his eyes? 

Once the laces come undone you aid him in slipping the heavy garment off your shoulders allowing it to pool at your feet. He takes your hand and guides you backwards until your legs buckle against his bed. Bending down on one knee, he folds your linen petticoat over your lap to slip your shoes off your feet. He touches you like you’re something precious and delicate, as if you would break like fragile porcelain should he treat you too roughly. You both know you are more resilient than that, but in this moment, when your nerves threaten to drown you slowly, his tender affection is warmly welcomed. 

Feeling very exposed, you quickly tuck your legs up and wrap your arms protectively around them. Resting your chin on your knees, you watch intently with wide eyes taking in every detail of the man in front of you as he too begins to shed his many layers. 

Then he is left in only linen undergarment revealing most of his body to you, except for that part of a man which has always been a secret. A part you can only vaguely see the shape of through the remaining fabric that still keeps it mostly hidden. The married women spoke of the pain this foreign body part could produce, how the size of the man was an important factor. But you had no way of comparing Xavier’s bulge to any other as he was your only reference.  

The mattress dips next to you and he tenderly caresses your naked calf. One would not need to know you well to see that you were scared. Xavier knew you well enough to see that you were not only scared, but perhaps even frightened. In this moment it was like he could read your mind. He knew he was large, larger than most others. Now that he was seated, he did his best to conceal his erection with the hand that was not trying to comfort you.

“We can just sleep if that is what you would prefer?”

“No.” You reply too quickly, catching you both by surprise. 

You were unsure if there was any hint of arousal left in you anymore or if it had all been replaced by this aching nervousness and fear of the unknown territory you were about to enter. An unintentional glance down to his lap sent a new wave of something through your stomach as the thin material did little to conceal what was hidden underneath. Shifting your gaze away from the most perplexing part of the male body, you take in his naked torso. Firm, angular and utterly breathtaking. 

Regardless of the strange concoction of unnamed feelings and sensations brewing inside you, there was a need and a want to finally be close to him. Was it love? The child in you who wished for a fairytale would say that this was far from it, but the adult you grew to become had begun questioning what you once assumed was the only way love would present itself.

To convince him you were ready to proceed you shuffled your way back toward the plush pillows at the head of his bed. He took a deep breath before he got on his knees and moved closer. 

Blue eyes were locked on yours as he spread your legs enough to position himself between them. Constantly checking for any doubts or obvious discomfort, whilst also giving himself some time to adjust to the new level of intimacy he never imagined he would want to share with anyone. 

“Can I take this off?” He whispered as his shaky hands lingered around the hem of your shift that had gathered around your upper thighs.

You nodded in silent agreement as you braced yourself for this new level of exposure. Yet his hands did not move. For a moment you feared he might be slipping onto one of his episodes so you quickly wrapped your hands around his as they cling to the last barrier between him and your naked body. 

“Xavier?”

“I apologize for my hesitation. I want to make this a pleasant experience for you, but I find myself hindered by nerves.”

Comforted by the fact that he was still completely lucid you moved your joined hands along your sides, slowly revealing yourself to his captivated gaze, inch by inch. His breath hitched, and his muscles tensed at the sight of your bare breasts. Feeling vulnerable, you reach for his nape, lowering his body to meet yours. Hopefully your participation can reassure him and also shield you from his curious gaze. He let himself sink into your embrace as his hands made their way beneath your body to pull you in for a desperate kiss.

Lips that were once timid and hesitant now burned with a fiery passion most people would likely never understand. A connection that was not yet clear to the two of you either and that would require more time than what little you had been given thus far. 

Xavier shuddered at the sensation of your body pressed so tightly against his. The warmth of your skin felt like returning to something he didn’t know he ever lost but he was certain he could never live without again. Your leg instinctively wrapped around him closing whatever distance remained between your aching core and the hardness between his legs. Constricted sounds of pleasure erupted from somewhere deep inside him causing his roaming hands to hungrily grab at your skin.

You lose yourselves to this newly discovered intimacy with increasingly flushed complexions and clumsy grinding movements. What remained of flimsy clothing that protected your modesty disappeared, leaving just you and him, enthralled by unfamiliar passion and aching desire. 

His throbbing cock finds its way between your folds as if pulled by a magnet and nudges against the most sensitive part of you. The sudden shock of arousal inciting loud shaky moans from both of you breaking the spell you were under.

As your stuttering breaths mingle you take a moment to bask in each other's gazes and just feel.

“I think it might be beneficial to the process for me to t-touch you. It should help prepare your body to take me.” Xavier shyly stumbles over the words as his eyes briefly flicker away from yours.

You had forgotten that particularly integral part; he was supposed to fit inside you. Somehow you managed to get this far without laying your eyes on it. A quick glance down at your tightly knit bodies still kept the size of him a secret, but you could feel him, warm and slick resting against your lower abdomen. 

“Touch me?” You whisper whilst you secretly curse every married woman you have ever interacted with for not preparing you better for this moment.

He nods softly and takes your hand in his, guiding it down to the spot between your thighs that yearns for him the most. Your eyes subtly widen as your joined hands create enough space between you for your eyes to finally see all of him. 

“Have you touched yourself like this before?” Your silence mixed with a look of uncertainty gives him your answer. “Will you tell me to stop if my touch is not to your liking?” He asks, moving his body to hover directly above yours.

You gulp but nod again. There is a mutual trust surrounding you both and with each considerate touch and question he offers you, you feel your curiosity stepping forward eager to explore alongside him, your husband.

The gentle touch of the tips of his fingers adds more fuel to the fire he already ignited within you. Your hips buck against his hand giving him the confidence to continue his movements with the addition of lazy kisses along your jawline and down your neck.

Xavier soon realizes that the biggest hurdle he must overcome might not be getting your body ready, but keeping his own under control. Your sweet whimpers, each needy roll of your hips, your hands growing bolder as they slowly glide down his back… He was losing it. Cock twitching uncomfortably against his wrist, threatening to disrupt the rhythm of his fingers. That could not happen, not when you seemed to enjoy his current pace and pressure so greatly. 

“Xavier… Xavi –” His name seemed stuck somewhere between shallow breaths and tense muscles and you were not entirely certain of what message you were trying to convey. “Xavier, I do no – ah!”

Were you already heading toward your climax? Surely not… He had not even had time to put his fingers inside you! Shit, he was struggling. Your touch, your voice, your face adorned with a look of pure pleasure glazed in a thin layer of sweat. If you did not come soon, he would.

Suddenly your hand wraps around his wrist pulling his fingers away from your most intimate area causing him to lose his balance. He barely catches himself before your heads smack against each other, instead landing face first in the pillow. Then he hears it; you are laughing. He does not know why, but the warmth of it invites him to join you.

“I am sorry, Xavier. I swear I am not laughing at you.” 

“What? Does my lack of balance not amuse you? And here I thought you pulled at my arm because you had a craving for mocking my inexperience.” He leans down to nuzzle his nose against yours before placing a gentle kiss to the tip of it. Once the giggles have mostly settled he dares to ask. “Well then, why did you stop me?”

“There was this… Feeling… It was growing in intensity, and I feared I might explode. I did not dare let it evolve further.” You pause for a much-needed deep breath. “Was I about to have an… orgasm?”

“I understand your worry. It is not an easy feat to simply let go and give in when it feels like your body is acting without consulting with your mind first.” A feeling that both of you are far too familiar with and frequently battle against. “I hope it might bring you some comfort to know that you are safe with me.”

“I will never be able to change our wedding day, no matter how hard I wish I was able to go back and give you the day you deserved. I know you searched for comfort and that you could not find it in me. I hope that if we would have gotten married tomorrow instead I would have been able to provide you with that comfort. And I hope that you might at least be able to find it in me now.”

You smiled at his declaration, although his words made you wonder if your presence could ever offer him what he now offers you. Ever since your first proper conversation he had made it very clear that he did not need anything or anyone. Any emotion that required him to show his caring nature was hidden behind the cold facade of a lonely King. He had reluctantly allowed you to see more, but would he ever be ready to rely on you for anything?

“Xavier, do you feel safe with me? Would you dare to ‘simply let go’ if I am there with you?”

He observes your face tentatively, seemingly in deep thought. But he already knows his answer, part of him has known for quite some time already and it makes him wonder if now in fact might be the time for him to let go and be bold, like his Queen.

He silently leans down to capture your lips in an affectionate kiss filled with trust and promises. His warm breath cradles the whispered words against your ear before descending down the side of your neck along with his lips dragging across your soft skin. “Yes, my love. I feel safe with you.” 

My love…

“Do you think you are ready?” Soft pressure from his lips trail down your collarbone and renders you speechless. The tingling sensation of a light touch along your inner thigh encourages you to allow your legs to part, leaving you open to him in your entirety.

“Tell me if it hurts.” He says with a caring sternness. 

Bracing yourself for the impending pain you had been warned about, you wrap one hand firmly around his bicep and shut your eyes so hard you swear you can see stars. 

Xavier leans down to scatter gentle pecks all over your scrunched-up face. He whispers ‘relax, just relax’ over and over and you are unsure of if he is talking to you or to himself. 

After fumbling around for the correct location, he finally positions himself just right and slowly presses into you. A burning sting erupts, and you instinctively tense up. An involuntary whimper of pain escapes you, and he immediately stops.

“No, no… My love.” He retracts immediately. “I will not continue. I cannot bear it.”

“I want to. Please, keep trying.”

Considering your words carefully, he returns to his previous position. One arm bracing himself next to your head, the other carefully working his cock back inside you. Once he is almost certain he can manage not to slip out, he moves his fingers to your clit working with that same pressure and pace you seemed to enjoy earlier. 

Suddenly, you were breathing again, letting out all the tension you were harbouring out of fear. Xavier felt himself gliding more easily into your welcoming warmth and let out a relieved sigh of pleasure. 

The knights he had spent time with in battle encampments spoke of the intense satisfaction of being enveloped by their spouses. He had never imagined it would feel like this.

You still felt the sting of him as he slipped further and further inside, but whatever magic he was performing with his fingers greatly eased your discomfort. Beyond the pain, a promise of pleasure began revealing itself, like the moon would replace the sun, shielding you from the scorching rays.

Not fully trusting your voice, you placed a hand on his lower back, pressing slightly encouraging him to move faster.

“Okay… Okay…” He gulped against the crook of your neck.

His fingers reluctantly abandoned you, but Xavier was certain he would need both his arms to carry his body through the following movements. Up until now, he had been so caught up in the possibility of inflicting pain on his beloved wife, forgetting everything about his own pleasure.

Your hands were still roaming over his hips and lower back, trembling as you succumbed to impatience. Why was he still hesitating when you had been so clear you were ready for more?! Unwilling to wait any longer, you wrapped your legs around his waist, closing the remaining distance between your hips. 

“Ah!” He gasped, momentarily overcome by the intense pleasure. “Careful, my love. I do not wish to hurt you.”

“I am aching, Xavier. Please move. Please.” Restless and needy, you begin rolling your hips up to meet his that still refused to budge.

Unbeknownst to you, he had his reasons for remaining still. He was close, again. The small movements you were producing underneath him threatened to be his undoing. 

“I must beg of you, my love. Do. Not. Move.” Fearful you had done something wrong, something he disapproved of, you stopped. 

He was staring down at you now, almost touching his forehead to yours. You opened your mouth to speak, but no words came out. All you could manage was the smallest, most pathetically whispered ‘sorry’ before you closed your eyes to discourage any tears.

“You feel too good.” He said before kissing you tenderly. “Once I reach my peak, my body will not be able to contribute like this for a while. I would have to use other methods to help you reach yours.” He kisses you again before gazing down at you almost apologetically. “I do not consider myself to be a selfish man, but right now, I cannot give you what you want. Give me a moment, then I will resume. I promise I will make it worth the wait.”

Reassured that you had, in fact not made any major mistakes, you forced your hips to remain still. Instead, you reached up and tugged his neck down so you could reach it, leaving slow, unintentionally sensual kisses along his flushed skin. Hopefully, he would appreciate your kisses to his neck the way you enjoyed his. 

“Mhmmm.” He moaned against your ear as he slowly began moving his hips. 

The feeling was overwhelming. He reached far deeper than you had been able to when he was stagnant above you. A steady pace of deep thrusts had you shivering beneath him. 

Surely this must be it, right? A few reassuring words and tender touches were all it took for you to fully surrender yourself to this man. Trust, security, and the occasional challenges that always left you wanting to pull him closer. Did you love him? Did he love you? 

With uneven breaths and shy hums of pleasure, you feel your thighs tighten around him. That intense feeling you were so fearful of was making a return. This time, you dare welcome it knowing you are safe in your husband's embrace. 

You clench around him, daring to let out the embarrassing noises you had attempted to restrain. The changes in your body and breathing alerted him to your impending release and further accelerated the pressure of his own. 

Xavier mumbled hushed praises into your skin as the steady rhythm he had maintained began to falter. 

“S’okey, you’re safe. Let go, my love. Relax” 

Your body responded to his words instantly, as if he had given you a simple task to complete. Nothing about this was simple, but he had made it easier. Your back arched, pressing your breasts against his glazed skin as a final unrestrained moan echoed against the stone walls. 

Still coming down from the aftershocks of your climax, you shakily whisper words of encouragement like he had done for you.

“Thank you, my love. You’re doing so well. I’ve got you, let go for me.”

He responded just as eagerly as you did as he thrusted deep inside you a few more times. You felt his release against your insides before his body went limp on top of yours. Your arms instantly enveloped him, and your legs remained securely latched together behind his back, not willing to part with him just yet, if ever… 

Bathed in a mixture of heavy breathing, sweat, satisfaction and safety, you felt like you were home for the first time since you left Linkon several months ago. 

After a few more moments of shared silence, Xavier bravely reclaimed control of his arms, lifting his body enough to take in your blissful expression. You met his tentative gaze with a loving smile, and he graced you with one of his own in return.

“Are you alright?” He asks. You know he means well, but you cannot help but ponder the stupidity of the question. Had your body not made it obvious enough to him that you were, in fact, doing quite well?

As your smile only continues to grow, he dares make assumptions regarding your answer. He giggles, and you are convinced no sound will ever fill you with this much joy ever again. 

Yes. This was it.

“Xavier.”

“Mhm?”

“I love you.”

The room goes quiet. His smile disappears instantly, and for each passing second yours fades too. 

Panic and shock wash over him. Instinct tells him to ‘flee’, but his attempt to do so fails when he realizes your body is shackling him to you. So you let him go… 

Emptiness overcomes you, and the exposed feeling you thought belonged to the past returns to haunt you once more. You sit up against the pillows and pull your legs toward you, wincing slightly from the sore ache between your legs. 

“Sorry… I shall gather my things and return to my chambers.” 

Before you have time to shuffle off the bed, his hand shoots out to stop you. 

“Don’t. Please, stay.” 

Suddenly, the confusing labyrinth you thought you had escaped weeks ago stood before you again, proudly hiding your husband in its darkness. You needed his light to guide you back, but it was too dim to properly illuminate your path. 

His shaky exhale made you hopeful he was ready to speak, but then his lips pressed together in a thin line, and his eyes closed. He looked like he was in pain. Pain caused by your unwanted confession…

“I…” His grip on your arm was so tight you began to worry you would bruise. But you did not care. You would give him whatever he wanted just to hear him say it. 

“Say it, Xavier. Please, trust me. You are safe with me. Dare to be bold.”

He knew. He knew he felt the same as you and that he had for quite some time already. Why could he not simply say it? Coward…

Bare skin, tangled hair, ruined sheets stained with the evidence of your joined pleasure. He could still see the smile on your face with his eyes closed. If he opened his eyes, it would be lost. He needed to see you smile like that again, and he wanted to be the cause of it. Always. 

“Do you not —”

Xavier shuffled closer to your naked body and stared into your eyes with the kind of passion reserved for imagined love stories that only exist on paper. 

“I do. More than I will ever be able to understand. And I hope that one day I will not be so afraid to show you the depths of my affection.”

Then he reached out and pulled you close again. Your body had gone surprisingly cold, almost making him shiver at the contact. After those agonizing minutes of silence you were finally able to breathe again and relaxed into him instantly. 

You wanted to praise him for being honest, for daring to speak his truth, but you feared that if you spoke, he might remain silent so that he could listen to you instead of himself. 

With you safely tucked against his chest under the soft sheets, Xavier felt like he had finally found his home. Not this castle. Not Philos. No, his true home was next to you. Once his battles had been fought and won, he would show you how devoted to you he truly is. That was his promise to himself. Be bold… 

“I love you, Starlight.”

AN: I'm going to be very honest right now and say that this is the first time I've written a sex scene so I really hope it wasn't complete torture to read 😳 Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If you want to be added to the series taglist click here ⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @spacenott @witchbybirth @marinenox @pixiefaye

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

I’ll just add this to the rapidly growing list of sounds produced by Caleb’s VA that I didn’t know I needed. The man can purrrrrr ☔️

Stopped MID CALL to capture that sneaky little purr at the beginning of Caleb's call. His VA is so good, it KILLS me.

[colonelkaboom]

Every vanquished foe

Chapter 4 - Before dawn breaks

Xavier battles with both inner demons and physical depictions of the creatures of night as he keeps himself busy, fighting multiple wars at once. You find yourself longing for his presence, his touch, the feel of his lips on yours. One innocent afternoon with Jeremiah seems to be the key to reclaiming your husband's attention.

Prologue ll Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6 ll Chapter 7 ll

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ✦ Xavier x Reader ✦ Word count: 3.2k ✦ Fantasy/royalty au ✦ Arranged marriage, Prince/King Xavier, Princess/Queen reader, angst, comfort, death of parent, panic attacks, seizures, repressed emotions, strangers to lovers, shared first times, sexual inexperience, more to come

Disclaimer: We are introduced to a new ‘enemy’ in this chapter inspired by both the Alterum and Revenants from the main story and Xavier's new myth (no spoilers).

Gravel scatters as a nimble foot glides through. Dust and dirt taints her skirts as it fills the air catching the light of the sun. The sound of blades slicing through air before coming together erupting in noise akin to a heavy storm of thunder and lightning. 

You can wield a sword, yes. But not like her… 

“Did you not say you would go easy on me today?” Jeremiah croaks as he leans forward to catch his breath with his weary hands resting on his knees. 

“I am going easy on you.” Tara retorts with a graceful expression of faux confusion. 

You laugh. Both at her unwavering confidence and his sigh of defeat. 

“Get back up, I want to go again!” She exclaims, already lifting her blade. 

“Your turn, Princess. I have had quite enough of her toying with me for today.”

“I would not mind lending my sword to the cause.” A calm voice suddenly declares from behind you. 

He is standing so close that you do not dare turn around to face him. Soft pink lips, tender hands, brave confessions and honesty. You had not stopped thinking about that night, the kiss you shared, the hope he ignited within you. There had not been another moment quite like it since, but he had changed.   

“Are you sure about that, my King?” Jeremiah asks.

“Are you doubting my skills, knight?”

“Not at all, your highness. I just worry you might be doubting hers.”

Xavier smiles knowingly at Tara before joining her on the graveled training grounds. A new spark had been ignited within him, his closest allies noticed. Faint whispers of the new Queen softening their King, revealing his true form as human after all his efforts to seem like something beyond fragility. He cannot have been made aware of these whispers himself, otherwise his behaviour would surely revert back to how he was when you first met. Anything to keep people from believing his heart was true and capable of beating for something other than his duties to Philos.

“Do not go easy on me, my lady.” Tara, who had remained neutral until now, smirked at the King as if she already knew she would beat him.

And she nearly does. 

Their duel drags on as more and more people gather to watch. Whispers and questions buzzing through the crowd as no one dares chant any names. They question Tara’s skill, amazed to see a lady-in-waiting wield a sword with such precision. They wonder if Xavier, their King, has lost his expert commandment of the blade as he battles this tiny figure no more than half his size. 

For all their skill and stamina, the temporary rivals eventually begin to falter. Sweat gathers on their skin and Tara briefly stumbles through her skirt, an unfortunate outfit for such a relentless prolonged duel. 

Tara lunges forward and it looks like she will be delivering the final blow, until Xavier accidentally steps on her dress causing her to tumble. 

The crowd erupts in applause and cheers, not bothered by the duel not producing a proper winner.

“You did that on purpose – ” Tara laments as she finds her feet and wipes her hands on the filthy fabric. Her eyes widened in panic as if she suddenly remembered who she was speaking to. “– My King.”

Xavier offers her a teasing grin, with no intent to reprimand her for misspeaking. 

“Where did a lady-in-waiting learn such excellent swordsmanship?” He inquired, clearly impressed by his opponent.

“I trained to be a knight, alongside Jeremiah. However, I was told that regardless of my skill and speed, I would never be physically strong enough to meet the required qualifications.” 

You would likely never forget the day Tara came crying to you about being ruled ‘unfit’ for knighthood. After numerous futile attempts at getting your father to change the rules, there were no other options than to lay Tara’s dreams of being a knight to rest.  

“That is truly unpleasant to hear, every army should have someone like you in their ranks, my lady. At first glance you are as terrifying as a field mouse, yet with a blade in your grasp you become a fearsome fighter. Our enemies would never see it coming.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, my King, but I have found my purpose without the blade. It is next to your Queen, and I intend to keep that position for as long as my body will allow it.”

Xavier offered Tara a polite bow before getting ready to leave the grounds, no doubt to go plan for this oncoming war he keeps pestering you about. Before he leaves he stops right next to you and whispers so only you can hear. “Guess she and I have a shared purpose, my Queen.” 

After a quick glance to ensure no one is looking, Xavier leans down and places a quick kiss to your cheek before he resumes his journey back inside the cold castle. A sensation the King knows he will not be suffering from with the lingering warmth of your skin on his lips. 

He had so desperately wanted to return to your chambers after the night of your wedding, but he felt so guilty for heading to the marshes after he left you. You had accused him of being afraid of intimacy, and you were right. You accused him of being a liar and he made you believe he was finally being honest. And he had been, everything he told you that night was true. However the actions he chose to engage in after he left you reinstated some of the shields the two of you had fought so valiantly to break down. 

So, he had not returned to your chambers. He had not dared, and you had not asked for him. Instead he found himself traversing across the mystified marshes more frequently than ever before. Searching for clues and traces of anything that would help him take down this other enemy. It was not only his preferred way to escape the fear of his growing feelings for you but also a necessity to keep Philos safe. To keep you safe.

People who were barely recognizable as humans with jagged black crystals poking out of their battered bodies crawled their way through muddy water, always headed for him. He didn’t know what they wanted as conversing with the creatures had proven to be close to impossible. 

He had named the creatures Revenants, things that should be dead but somehow managed to escape it or return from it. Perhaps that was why he was the one somehow chosen to end their lives once and for all, his incoherent episodes of waning sanity had after all been deemed to be the work of evil forces from the Underworld. If they had in fact claimed pieces of his soul ever since he was a child, they surely recognized him once they entered his world. 

Sometimes he could hear them mutter things. Strange names and titles he could not make sense of. Lightseeker. Lumiere. King of Darknight. Some of the ones who seemed particularly lost called out for Dawnbreaker to end whatever remained of their almost existence. Xavier knew nothing of this entity the Revenants sought after, but he did possess the power to ensure they would never see another dawn break. He pitied the disfigured creatures. However he was left without choices when the Revenants either begged him to end them, or threatened to end him.

They moved so strangely. Other than their preference for darkness, Xavier had not been able to detect any pattern in their formation or numbers. There were no strategic choices made that he could learn from to ensure that he would win their next encounter. No pattern or apparent purpose apart from the fact that they seemed drawn to him.

He didn’t actually believe the stories that connected him and others who suffered from similar ailments to the Underworld., yet the dark thoughts always clawed at the back of his neck. An everlasting force aiming to convince him that he was only meant for darkness, that soon every piece of his soul would be stripped from him and reforged as something unimaginable.

Then he thought of you, dressed in white gasping for air on the balcony. You did not lose consciousness, like he does, but you did not seem to have much control of your body. That was a feeling he recognized. Of course he was curious, he had questions, but after a lifetime of hiding his own struggles and skillfully avoiding any questions surrounding his health, forcing those same questions onto another was unthinkable. 

News of Chansia and Skyhavens armies training together finally reached the new King of Philos. There was only a matter of time before Snowcrest would join them too. The news prompted Xavier to seek your cooperation in forming a letter to your father in Linkon, requesting he send a selection of his best knights to Philos for training. Training which Xavier now oversaw and frequently directed. When he was not on the training grounds, you would find him hunched over various battleplans murmuring with his closest advisors. 

You barely saw him…

The closest you had gotten to conversing with your husband over the last few weeks was tensely mumbled disappointment regarding the knights under his command. You knew he was struggling and greatly overworking himself. Andrew had secretly been informing you of the Kings health, but eventually he stopped updating you. You suspected Xavier had caught on and demanded he remember his place as a guard and not some gossiping traitor. 

Tara noticed how lonely you had become. You had not realized how you subconsciously isolated yourself more and more. Both she and Jeremiah often forced you out of the castle. Neither of them minded your silence, as long as you at least made an effort to take in the sun and fresh air. Their reminders of how you might not be as alone here as you think, were greatly appreciated. You missed Linkon, greatly. But at least you had them with you.   

“Has your sleep improved, Princess?” Jeremiah questioned as the sun beamed down on his polished armour. It was a stark contrast to see the heavy metal surrounded by the soft bed of wavyleaf sea lavender he was lounging on.

“No, I am afraid the moon has been keeping me up, requesting I shower it in compliments and adoration. I fear I am beginning to resent its captivating beauty.”

“You are not the first to fall victim to the spells of night. I hear the King has been suffering from rather restless sleeps too.”

Of course Jeremiah would know more about Xavier’s lack of sleep than you. Guards and knights were privy to gossip from chambermaids and stableboys, the Queen was not.

The two of you relaxed in the sun, chatting away about nothing that would weigh too heavy on your already weary shoulders. Flowers, trees and protective stone walls kept you hidden from curious onlookers on all four sides. What you were unaware of was the presence of a certain man hidden behind a window above you. A man whose fists gradually tightened with each shuffle of the two bodies below. He was certain the knight had moved closer to you in the time he had been watching, probably eager to claim the Queen who had been so recklessly abandoned by her King.

A bare hand landed on yours creating skin on skin contact that was completely inappropriate to engage in unless you were protected by the sanctity of marriage. Xavier’s patience was wearing thin already, but this was the thing that finally made him snap. 

“I must head back inside, Princess. Andrew should be arriving shortly.” Jeremiah said as he found his feet and offered you his hand, helping you up.

“Oh, Jeremiah. Your cloak is all wrinkled. Let me help you.” After straightening out the flowy fabric you sent him on his way.

He did not make it out of the courtyard as he was abruptly halted by the sudden appearance of the King. The two of them had been in this position before, when Jeremiah had accompanied you out at night during your quest to speak to Xavier. Back then, Jeremiah had not bowed before the King. This time, he did. Something in Xavier’s eyes told him that today his only choice would be to follow proper protocol.

Once your trusted knight was out of sight, Xavier stepped closer to you. Such a strange and rare thing, to see him like this these days. Warm sunlight kissed his pale and dull skin as his weary eyes landed on yours.

“Do you intend to take a lover?” His tactless question momentarily stuns you before settling in your chest in the form of offended disgust. 

“I beg your pardon?”

“Do you fancy Jeremiah?” His voice is as calm and controlled as usual seemingly without any regard for what he is implying. 

“What?”

“You always speak highly of him and prefer his company over most others. If he intends to be your lover, I should pay him a visit.”

“For what reason?”

“He and I should have a discussion, especially if your future encounters will involve you helping him dress again.”

“I was only straightening out his cloak! He is my friend, Xavier. I have known him since long before any knightly vows were sworn.”

“You are concerned about him.”

“He has no ill intentions and I will always help him when he needs it. Of course I am concern –”

“So you fancy fools who request your aid.”

“What makes you say that?”

Xavier narrowed his eyes as he took another step closer to you. His knees almost grazing against your flowy skirts. With you momentarily distracted by the sudden closeness, he removed the brooch that usually resided on his chest.

“Put this on for me.” You stare at him bewildered and shoot him a look requesting him to elaborate. “I believe it was crooked. I’m not capable of putting it on properly by myself. I require your assistance.”

“Xavier, what is the meaning of this?” Regardless of his strange and borderline insulting behaviour, you take the brooch from his hand and place it back in its usual place. Perfectly straight, just as it was before he took it off. 

Before you have the chance to reclaim your hand he catches it in his and keeps it close to his chest.

“Will I be made redundant in this marriage, like my father was in his. Will we fulfill our duty to the crown but not each other?”

“That is not a choice either of us can make on their own. It is also a choice that cannot be made if you never have time to speak with me.”

“Why have you not called me to your chambers, my Queen?” He softly whispers as he laces his fingers with yours. 

“Why have you not called me to yours?” You contested as he gently walked back towards the castle walls, guiding you along with the secure grip on your hand. The new position hides you from view, even from the windows above where he himself had been spectating not too long ago.

“I was afraid of stepping out of line.”

“So you expected me to be bold?”

“Are you not?” He countered proudly, silently admiring this quality of yours. 

“I suppose I can be, at times. I will certainly not simply bow and act like any other compliant subject.”

“Compliance is boring. I have had enough people agree with me or abandon their own truths simply because of my titles. You might be the first person to ever dare openly disagree with me.” 

He leans forward to whisper against your lips, sending warmth throughout your whole body. “Dare to be bold, my Queen.” 

You stare into his eyes longingly but your focus slips and your gaze betrays you as it flickers to his lips. Oh how you have yearned for them… 

You close the final slither of distance and he welcomes you into his arms as they coil around your back tying you to him. His chest feels firm beneath your hands that now pose as an unwanted barrier between you. You move them to rest around his neck and tangle your fingers in his hair, absentmindedly tugging gently at the silver strands. An unfamiliar sound forces its way out of his mouth and catches you by surprise.

“I-I am sorry. Did I hurt you?” You breathlessly question.

“No… No… Nnn…” Before you are able to make sense of his attempted words you find yourself glued to him once more. 

His tongue discreetly darts out to glide along your bottom lip eliciting that unfamiliar noise to escape you as well.

“Did I do s-something wrong?” His panicked expression meets yours which is painted with equal amounts of confusion. But no, there was nothing wrong. Nothing about this felt wrong. 

“My Queen –” He whispers as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “ – Would you like to accompany me back to my chambers? Perhaps you could even spend the night? I do have the most comfortable bed in the castle and I have heard rumours about your sleep being less than satisfactory as of late.” 

“And you think one night in the King's bed will rectify that?”

“Perhaps not, but…” He smiles, but the next words are hard for him to admit. “... I have missed your company.”

“Andrew will be looking for me. I should probably wait so he doesn’t think I have gone missing.”

“I passed him on my way here. Assured him I would keep you safe.”

You swallow the lump of nervousness for what awaits but take his hand in yours, silently accepting his offer.

The stroll up to the secluded bedroom wing feels longer than usual, yet when his door suddenly appears before you it feels almost too sudden. As if he senses your uncertainty he pauses his hand on the door handle and turns his attention to you. “Have you changed your mind, my Queen?”

“No, I have not. I am nervous… I do not entirely know what to expect.”

“We will make sense of it together.” Then the door opens and you are led inside the Kings private bedchambers. 

You have not been here before. The room is similar to yours, but a great deal larger with a bigger fireplace and more lavish furniture. Soft crackling sounds from the burning embers bounce between the heavy stone walls enshrouding you in a pleasant warmth. 

His arms wrap around you from behind reminding you of how badly you have missed the feeling of his chest pressed against your back and the comfort of his strong hold. Even if the last time you felt him like this had ended in an argument. The firm beat of his heart could be felt faintly against you, arguably even more intensely than last time. 

At least he was nervous too…

AN: Stay tuned for (hopefully) cute and slightly awkward first times 🤫 Thanks for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If you want to be added to the series taglist click here ⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @spacenott @witchbybirth @marinenox @pixiefaye

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

Every vanquished foe

Chapter 4 - Before dawn breaks

Xavier battles with both inner demons and physical depictions of the creatures of night as he keeps himself busy, fighting multiple wars at once. You find yourself longing for his presence, his touch, the feel of his lips on yours. One innocent afternoon with Jeremiah seems to be the key to reclaiming your husband's attention.

Prologue ll Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6 ll Chapter 7 ll

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ✦ Xavier x Reader ✦ Word count: 3.2k ✦ Fantasy/royalty au ✦ Arranged marriage, Prince/King Xavier, Princess/Queen reader, angst, comfort, death of parent, panic attacks, seizures, repressed emotions, strangers to lovers, shared first times, sexual inexperience, more to come

Disclaimer: We are introduced to a new ‘enemy’ in this chapter inspired by both the Alterum and Revenants from the main story and Xavier's new myth (no spoilers).

Gravel scatters as a nimble foot glides through. Dust and dirt taints her skirts as it fills the air catching the light of the sun. The sound of blades slicing through air before coming together erupting in noise akin to a heavy storm of thunder and lightning. 

You can wield a sword, yes. But not like her… 

“Did you not say you would go easy on me today?” Jeremiah croaks as he leans forward to catch his breath with his weary hands resting on his knees. 

“I am going easy on you.” Tara retorts with a graceful expression of faux confusion. 

You laugh. Both at her unwavering confidence and his sigh of defeat. 

“Get back up, I want to go again!” She exclaims, already lifting her blade. 

“Your turn, Princess. I have had quite enough of her toying with me for today.”

“I would not mind lending my sword to the cause.” A calm voice suddenly declares from behind you. 

He is standing so close that you do not dare turn around to face him. Soft pink lips, tender hands, brave confessions and honesty. You had not stopped thinking about that night, the kiss you shared, the hope he ignited within you. There had not been another moment quite like it since, but he had changed.   

“Are you sure about that, my King?” Jeremiah asks.

“Are you doubting my skills, knight?”

“Not at all, your highness. I just worry you might be doubting hers.”

Xavier smiles knowingly at Tara before joining her on the graveled training grounds. A new spark had been ignited within him, his closest allies noticed. Faint whispers of the new Queen softening their King, revealing his true form as human after all his efforts to seem like something beyond fragility. He cannot have been made aware of these whispers himself, otherwise his behaviour would surely revert back to how he was when you first met. Anything to keep people from believing his heart was true and capable of beating for something other than his duties to Philos.

“Do not go easy on me, my lady.” Tara, who had remained neutral until now, smirked at the King as if she already knew she would beat him.

And she nearly does. 

Their duel drags on as more and more people gather to watch. Whispers and questions buzzing through the crowd as no one dares chant any names. They question Tara’s skill, amazed to see a lady-in-waiting wield a sword with such precision. They wonder if Xavier, their King, has lost his expert commandment of the blade as he battles this tiny figure no more than half his size. 

For all their skill and stamina, the temporary rivals eventually begin to falter. Sweat gathers on their skin and Tara briefly stumbles through her skirt, an unfortunate outfit for such a relentless prolonged duel. 

Tara lunges forward and it looks like she will be delivering the final blow, until Xavier accidentally steps on her dress causing her to tumble. 

The crowd erupts in applause and cheers, not bothered by the duel not producing a proper winner.

“You did that on purpose – ” Tara laments as she finds her feet and wipes her hands on the filthy fabric. Her eyes widened in panic as if she suddenly remembered who she was speaking to. “– My King.”

Xavier offers her a teasing grin, with no intent to reprimand her for misspeaking. 

“Where did a lady-in-waiting learn such excellent swordsmanship?” He inquired, clearly impressed by his opponent.

“I trained to be a knight, alongside Jeremiah. However, I was told that regardless of my skill and speed, I would never be physically strong enough to meet the required qualifications.” 

You would likely never forget the day Tara came crying to you about being ruled ‘unfit’ for knighthood. After numerous futile attempts at getting your father to change the rules, there were no other options than to lay Tara’s dreams of being a knight to rest.  

“That is truly unpleasant to hear, every army should have someone like you in their ranks, my lady. At first glance you are as terrifying as a field mouse, yet with a blade in your grasp you become a fearsome fighter. Our enemies would never see it coming.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, my King, but I have found my purpose without the blade. It is next to your Queen, and I intend to keep that position for as long as my body will allow it.”

Xavier offered Tara a polite bow before getting ready to leave the grounds, no doubt to go plan for this oncoming war he keeps pestering you about. Before he leaves he stops right next to you and whispers so only you can hear. “Guess she and I have a shared purpose, my Queen.” 

After a quick glance to ensure no one is looking, Xavier leans down and places a quick kiss to your cheek before he resumes his journey back inside the cold castle. A sensation the King knows he will not be suffering from with the lingering warmth of your skin on his lips. 

He had so desperately wanted to return to your chambers after the night of your wedding, but he felt so guilty for heading to the marshes after he left you. You had accused him of being afraid of intimacy, and you were right. You accused him of being a liar and he made you believe he was finally being honest. And he had been, everything he told you that night was true. However the actions he chose to engage in after he left you reinstated some of the shields the two of you had fought so valiantly to break down. 

So, he had not returned to your chambers. He had not dared, and you had not asked for him. Instead he found himself traversing across the mystified marshes more frequently than ever before. Searching for clues and traces of anything that would help him take down this other enemy. It was not only his preferred way to escape the fear of his growing feelings for you but also a necessity to keep Philos safe. To keep you safe.

People who were barely recognizable as humans with jagged black crystals poking out of their battered bodies crawled their way through muddy water, always headed for him. He didn’t know what they wanted as conversing with the creatures had proven to be close to impossible. 

He had named the creatures Revenants, things that should be dead but somehow managed to escape it or return from it. Perhaps that was why he was the one somehow chosen to end their lives once and for all, his incoherent episodes of waning sanity had after all been deemed to be the work of evil forces from the Underworld. If they had in fact claimed pieces of his soul ever since he was a child, they surely recognized him once they entered his world. 

Sometimes he could hear them mutter things. Strange names and titles he could not make sense of. Lightseeker. Lumiere. King of Darknight. Some of the ones who seemed particularly lost called out for Dawnbreaker to end whatever remained of their almost existence. Xavier knew nothing of this entity the Revenants sought after, but he did possess the power to ensure they would never see another dawn break. He pitied the disfigured creatures. However he was left without choices when the Revenants either begged him to end them, or threatened to end him.

They moved so strangely. Other than their preference for darkness, Xavier had not been able to detect any pattern in their formation or numbers. There were no strategic choices made that he could learn from to ensure that he would win their next encounter. No pattern or apparent purpose apart from the fact that they seemed drawn to him.

He didn’t actually believe the stories that connected him and others who suffered from similar ailments to the Underworld., yet the dark thoughts always clawed at the back of his neck. An everlasting force aiming to convince him that he was only meant for darkness, that soon every piece of his soul would be stripped from him and reforged as something unimaginable.

Then he thought of you, dressed in white gasping for air on the balcony. You did not lose consciousness, like he does, but you did not seem to have much control of your body. That was a feeling he recognized. Of course he was curious, he had questions, but after a lifetime of hiding his own struggles and skillfully avoiding any questions surrounding his health, forcing those same questions onto another was unthinkable. 

News of Chansia and Skyhavens armies training together finally reached the new King of Philos. There was only a matter of time before Snowcrest would join them too. The news prompted Xavier to seek your cooperation in forming a letter to your father in Linkon, requesting he send a selection of his best knights to Philos for training. Training which Xavier now oversaw and frequently directed. When he was not on the training grounds, you would find him hunched over various battleplans murmuring with his closest advisors. 

You barely saw him…

The closest you had gotten to conversing with your husband over the last few weeks was tensely mumbled disappointment regarding the knights under his command. You knew he was struggling and greatly overworking himself. Andrew had secretly been informing you of the Kings health, but eventually he stopped updating you. You suspected Xavier had caught on and demanded he remember his place as a guard and not some gossiping traitor. 

Tara noticed how lonely you had become. You had not realized how you subconsciously isolated yourself more and more. Both she and Jeremiah often forced you out of the castle. Neither of them minded your silence, as long as you at least made an effort to take in the sun and fresh air. Their reminders of how you might not be as alone here as you think, were greatly appreciated. You missed Linkon, greatly. But at least you had them with you.   

“Has your sleep improved, Princess?” Jeremiah questioned as the sun beamed down on his polished armour. It was a stark contrast to see the heavy metal surrounded by the soft bed of wavyleaf sea lavender he was lounging on.

“No, I am afraid the moon has been keeping me up, requesting I shower it in compliments and adoration. I fear I am beginning to resent its captivating beauty.”

“You are not the first to fall victim to the spells of night. I hear the King has been suffering from rather restless sleeps too.”

Of course Jeremiah would know more about Xavier’s lack of sleep than you. Guards and knights were privy to gossip from chambermaids and stableboys, the Queen was not.

The two of you relaxed in the sun, chatting away about nothing that would weigh too heavy on your already weary shoulders. Flowers, trees and protective stone walls kept you hidden from curious onlookers on all four sides. What you were unaware of was the presence of a certain man hidden behind a window above you. A man whose fists gradually tightened with each shuffle of the two bodies below. He was certain the knight had moved closer to you in the time he had been watching, probably eager to claim the Queen who had been so recklessly abandoned by her King.

A bare hand landed on yours creating skin on skin contact that was completely inappropriate to engage in unless you were protected by the sanctity of marriage. Xavier’s patience was wearing thin already, but this was the thing that finally made him snap. 

“I must head back inside, Princess. Andrew should be arriving shortly.” Jeremiah said as he found his feet and offered you his hand, helping you up.

“Oh, Jeremiah. Your cloak is all wrinkled. Let me help you.” After straightening out the flowy fabric you sent him on his way.

He did not make it out of the courtyard as he was abruptly halted by the sudden appearance of the King. The two of them had been in this position before, when Jeremiah had accompanied you out at night during your quest to speak to Xavier. Back then, Jeremiah had not bowed before the King. This time, he did. Something in Xavier’s eyes told him that today his only choice would be to follow proper protocol.

Once your trusted knight was out of sight, Xavier stepped closer to you. Such a strange and rare thing, to see him like this these days. Warm sunlight kissed his pale and dull skin as his weary eyes landed on yours.

“Do you intend to take a lover?” His tactless question momentarily stuns you before settling in your chest in the form of offended disgust. 

“I beg your pardon?”

“Do you fancy Jeremiah?” His voice is as calm and controlled as usual seemingly without any regard for what he is implying. 

“What?”

“You always speak highly of him and prefer his company over most others. If he intends to be your lover, I should pay him a visit.”

“For what reason?”

“He and I should have a discussion, especially if your future encounters will involve you helping him dress again.”

“I was only straightening out his cloak! He is my friend, Xavier. I have known him since long before any knightly vows were sworn.”

“You are concerned about him.”

“He has no ill intentions and I will always help him when he needs it. Of course I am concern –”

“So you fancy fools who request your aid.”

“What makes you say that?”

Xavier narrowed his eyes as he took another step closer to you. His knees almost grazing against your flowy skirts. With you momentarily distracted by the sudden closeness, he removed the brooch that usually resided on his chest.

“Put this on for me.” You stare at him bewildered and shoot him a look requesting him to elaborate. “I believe it was crooked. I’m not capable of putting it on properly by myself. I require your assistance.”

“Xavier, what is the meaning of this?” Regardless of his strange and borderline insulting behaviour, you take the brooch from his hand and place it back in its usual place. Perfectly straight, just as it was before he took it off. 

Before you have the chance to reclaim your hand he catches it in his and keeps it close to his chest.

“Will I be made redundant in this marriage, like my father was in his. Will we fulfill our duty to the crown but not each other?”

“That is not a choice either of us can make on their own. It is also a choice that cannot be made if you never have time to speak with me.”

“Why have you not called me to your chambers, my Queen?” He softly whispers as he laces his fingers with yours. 

“Why have you not called me to yours?” You contested as he gently walked back towards the castle walls, guiding you along with the secure grip on your hand. The new position hides you from view, even from the windows above where he himself had been spectating not too long ago.

“I was afraid of stepping out of line.”

“So you expected me to be bold?”

“Are you not?” He countered proudly, silently admiring this quality of yours. 

“I suppose I can be, at times. I will certainly not simply bow and act like any other compliant subject.”

“Compliance is boring. I have had enough people agree with me or abandon their own truths simply because of my titles. You might be the first person to ever dare openly disagree with me.” 

He leans forward to whisper against your lips, sending warmth throughout your whole body. “Dare to be bold, my Queen.” 

You stare into his eyes longingly but your focus slips and your gaze betrays you as it flickers to his lips. Oh how you have yearned for them… 

You close the final slither of distance and he welcomes you into his arms as they coil around your back tying you to him. His chest feels firm beneath your hands that now pose as an unwanted barrier between you. You move them to rest around his neck and tangle your fingers in his hair, absentmindedly tugging gently at the silver strands. An unfamiliar sound forces its way out of his mouth and catches you by surprise.

“I-I am sorry. Did I hurt you?” You breathlessly question.

“No… No… Nnn…” Before you are able to make sense of his attempted words you find yourself glued to him once more. 

His tongue discreetly darts out to glide along your bottom lip eliciting that unfamiliar noise to escape you as well.

“Did I do s-something wrong?” His panicked expression meets yours which is painted with equal amounts of confusion. But no, there was nothing wrong. Nothing about this felt wrong. 

“My Queen –” He whispers as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “ – Would you like to accompany me back to my chambers? Perhaps you could even spend the night? I do have the most comfortable bed in the castle and I have heard rumours about your sleep being less than satisfactory as of late.” 

“And you think one night in the King's bed will rectify that?”

“Perhaps not, but…” He smiles, but the next words are hard for him to admit. “... I have missed your company.”

“Andrew will be looking for me. I should probably wait so he doesn’t think I have gone missing.”

“I passed him on my way here. Assured him I would keep you safe.”

You swallow the lump of nervousness for what awaits but take his hand in yours, silently accepting his offer.

The stroll up to the secluded bedroom wing feels longer than usual, yet when his door suddenly appears before you it feels almost too sudden. As if he senses your uncertainty he pauses his hand on the door handle and turns his attention to you. “Have you changed your mind, my Queen?”

“No, I have not. I am nervous… I do not entirely know what to expect.”

“We will make sense of it together.” Then the door opens and you are led inside the Kings private bedchambers. 

You have not been here before. The room is similar to yours, but a great deal larger with a bigger fireplace and more lavish furniture. Soft crackling sounds from the burning embers bounce between the heavy stone walls enshrouding you in a pleasant warmth. 

His arms wrap around you from behind reminding you of how badly you have missed the feeling of his chest pressed against your back and the comfort of his strong hold. Even if the last time you felt him like this had ended in an argument. The firm beat of his heart could be felt faintly against you, arguably even more intensely than last time. 

At least he was nervous too…

AN: Stay tuned for (hopefully) cute and slightly awkward first times 🤫 Thanks for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If you want to be added to the series taglist click here ⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @spacenott @witchbybirth @marinenox @pixiefaye

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

he's right where he wants to be!

[colonelkaboom]

[colonelkaboom]

Date night with him

Wanderers, emergency surgeries, looming deadlines, conflicting schedules and deepspace missions... How many obstacles must you overcome before you can have a nice date with your man?!

❥ ❥ ❥ Xavier, Zayne, Rafayel, Sylus & Caleb x Reader ❥ ❥ ❥ Word count: 3.7k (roughly 650-850 each) ❥ ❥ ❥ Fluff, suggestive themes, implied sexual activities, alcohol consumption

Xavier — Yet another wanderer attack had rendered both your bodies rather sore. Going out and doing anything too adventurous was out of the question. Movie night at home was your go to date night activity and although you both enjoyed it, you had looked forward to visiting the street food market that was currently set up near Azure Square.

The collar around Xavier’s neck had been flashing red ever since you took down that last wanderer a few hours ago, he was exhausted and you sent him straight to bed when you came home…

When you were certain he was asleep, you slipped on your shoes and bravely headed toward Azure Square with a tote bag full of empty plastic containers. Your legs were screaming at you and you were certain your bruises were getting bruises every time you bumped into something. But, you were a hunter on a mission! 

The square was packed. You needed to move quickly and gather as many delicious treats as possible so you could finally go home and relax. Next time there was a street food market, you were taking a day off work, for sure. Xavier would love this! Bright lights, cozy atmosphere and lots and lots of delicious smelling food. You would have enjoyed it too if not for your beaten body. 

Meat marinated in fancy spices, seafood deep fried in something sinful, pastries with berries and chocolates… You were good to go! 

You had set up the balcony with blankets, pillows, electric candles and a laptop ready to play a recently released horror movie he had wanted to see. The starry night sky accompanied your efforts perfectly. Hopefully the food had remained at least lukewarm inside the plastic containers. Fingers crossed! 

“Xavier?” You whispered, as you slowly approached his sleeping form. 

Your fingers grazed his forehead checking for a fever, luckily he seemed ok this time. 

“Xavie, I brought dinner. You ready to eat something?”

“Sure… Why are you not resting?” He slowly blinked up at you with a pout that told you he was questioning why you had chosen to leave the apartment rather than snuggle up with him.

“Come with me.” You smiled and aided him out of bed and out on the balcony, revealing all your efforts to make date night special even if your original plans fell through.

“Starlight, how long was I asleep?” He questioned once he was able to take in what you had transformed the balcony into.

“Not that long, I’m just really efficient when I want to be.” You proudly beamed up at him and he pulled you into his embrace, placing a lazy kiss on your temple. 

You sat down crosslegged on the blanket and spread out all the different foods between you. Xavier picked up each and every box smelling the deliciously spiced dishes contentedly. Clearly you had made some wise purchases and the food was finished in no time, leaving you both full and satisfied.

The movie played in the background shrouding the balcony in eerie music and the occasional scream of some terrified character, but no one was paying attention to it. Xavier had you safely trapped beneath him with one arm under your lower back and the other next to your head holding himself steady. 

“Thank you… So much… For… Dinner.” He mumbled between kisses, never leaving your lips long enough for either of you to properly catch your breaths. “How… Can I… Ever… Repay… You?”

You had some ideas, but there was no room for you to push out any words. So, you let your body speak for you and wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. 

“Mhm…” He muttered against you. Was it a wordless agreement to your implied actions or a moan? Regardless of his intended meaning, the end result would be the same and he happily paid you back.

Again… And again… And again…

Zayne — “I’m so sorry, darling. There is an emergency, I’m needed for urgent surgery.” Zayne’s apologetic voice quickly stated before he reluctantly had to hang up and get back to work.

There was a muffled ‘I love you’ before the incessant beep of the ended phone call rang through your ears. You were standing in front of the mirror all dolled up for a fancy dinner wearing new clothes and an excited expression that quickly slipped away. This wasn’t anything new… You understood, of course, you had to understand. His job was important, and you were so proud of all his accomplishments. Sometimes though, you wished he was a stay-at-home-husband instead so you could have him all to yourself.

You discarded your fancy outfit, pulled on some pajamas and popped a frozen pizza into the oven. Zayne would not approve, but this wasn’t the first time he had to abandon you at the last minute and this frozen pizza purchase was just you planning ahead for the inevitable. 

—

“Good morning, my love.” A familiar voice softly whispered before he placed a gentle kiss on your cheek. 

“Zayne? What time is it?” You questioned, confused at the sight of soft sunlight grazing his features.

“It’s almost six in the morning.” 

“What? You were in surgery for that long?” You shot up from the couch, almost bumping your head against his. “How are you still standing?”

“I’m alright. The surgery went quite well, thankfully.”

“Have you eaten? I’ll make you something before you go to bed.” You quickly scramble to your feet, almost tripping on the blanket you were tightly tangled up in, but Zayne’s sharp gaze would never let you fall. 

“Carefull, darling. I might get my hopes up and think you’re falling for me.” You roll your eyes at his terrible sense of humor, but the smirk playing on his lips always gets to you.

“I was actually wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with me?” He asks.

“Now?” 

“Yes. After such a long shift I am absolutely certain that there will be no work calls threatening to pull me away. Also, I had really been looking forward to seeing your new clothes. Why don’t you go put them on?”

“It might be a bit overdressed for six in the morning.” 

“I didn’t get to have my date night, don’t deny me the pleasure of seeing you all dressed up for me.” 

��Fine, I’ll wear it.” You grumble in faux annoyance before making your way toward the bedroom.

“Good. I need to familiarize myself with the garment, its fabrics, buttons or zippers, only then will I be able to formulate an efficient plan on how to take it off you later without simply ripping it apart.” 

“Zayne…” You mumble feeling a blush creeping up your neck. He only chuckles at your flustered reaction. He loves seeing you like that. 

You walk hand in hand down the barren street bathed in cool morning air and the light of the sunrise. Almost everywhere is closed, but the café Zayne frequents is thankfully open. He opens the door for you and you’re instantly met with the smell of warm bread and pastries mixed with freshly ground coffee. Perhaps going to cafés early in the morning needs to become a more regular occurrence? 

You take a seat by the windows and Zayne starts digging into something with far too much sugar to be considered breakfast appropriate. If not for the lack of late night ambiance there wouldn’t be many signs to tell you that your date night had turned into a date morning instead. He was tired, there was no denying that, but he sorely needed this today. Needed you. 

Throughout the course of your breakfast you repeatedly caught him glancing at your sleeves, your collar and every hem of your outfit. Apparently he wasn’t joking when talking about making a plan for how to remove the clothes he almost begged you to put on. You never said anything about it, letting him conspire and plot to his heart's content.

You would gladly be a willing subject for him to test his theories on once you got back home…

Rafayel — “Rafayel, please! You promised we’d go out tonight!” 

“It’s not my fault, cutie. Blame Thomas! He won’t leave me alone.”

“Ugh… Can I at least come over?”

“Yes, please! I need my muse. Save me from this prison of deadlines and cerulean. I’m drowning over here.”

“You, drowning?”

“It’s a figure of speech. Don’t tease me, cutie.”

You chuckle at his very ill-fitting choice of words before gathering your things and heading to his studio. 

The familiar scent of seawater and paint welcomes you instantly when you enter. You slip off your shoes and socks by the door after ruining far too many pairs of socks by stepping in wet paint. No wonder Rafayel was always barefoot.  

“Oh, cutie!” He smiles widely with streaks of paint drawn on his face like he’d run his hands down his cheeks. 

Before you have a chance to react he pulls you in for a loving hug and kisses your cheek. 

“Why do you have pain on your face?” He questions once he pulls away.

“Cause you have paint on your face.” You laugh. Then you spot the splotch of blue on his bottom lip that likely transferred when he kissed your cheek. You reach out to swipe it away and he catches your wrist, keeping your much needed warmth on him.

“You’re messy, Raf.” His other cheek looks far too lonely for your liking, so you reach out to lend him more of your warmth. He melts completely into your touch and his tense shoulders instantly relax. “Are you ok?

“No. Every brush stroke feels forced, like I’m painting for a looming deadline and not because I have anything I want to say.” Which is the unfortunate truth.

“Can I do anything?” His heavy sigh and pouty face are enough to make you forget all about those continuously postponed date plans of yours. 

“I’m just happy you’re here.” 

You needed to distract him somehow. Get his mind to focus on something other than those deadlines, something that could reignite his flame.

“Why don’t you teach me?” You asked sweetly.

“To paint?” You nodded, slightly offended by his almost disapproving tone. 

He agreed to your request and fished out a small canvas for you to play with. You moved your brush in similar movements to how you’d seen him do it, although you felt half as graceful as he looked. 

“If you tilt your brush like this and angle your wrist a bit more –” He stood behind you, using his hands to correct your grip. “– there. See?”

You could feel him smile against your neck before he pressed a sensual kiss just below your ear. 

“It doesn’t look anything like yours though.” You sigh.

“It’s not supposed to look like mine, that wouldn’t be any fun. It’s supposed to look like yours.”

“Show me some more please.” He chuckles at your eagerness, but gladly assists you further.

Eventually he decides he’s guiding you too much and returns to his own canvas so you can watch him instead. Once he’s thoroughly engrossed in his own painting you slip away to the kitchen before returning with a neatly arranged charcuterie board balanced in one hand, two wine glasses in the other and a fancy bottle precariously held under your arm.   

“See, cutie? It’s all about finding the perfect balance of technique and composition, mixed with color and emotion.”

“Mhm.” You mumble with a mouthful of cheese and grapes. 

Before he has time to speak again you grab another piece of cheese and nudge it against his lips. He absentmindedly opens allowing you to feed him. Every so often you offer him a new piece of food and a sip of wine. 

Brushes glide across the canvas in the most graceful improvised dance, creating those familiar shapes of wild waves and deep waters. He’s completely immersed in his painting but he keeps occasionally offering tips and explaining his process. You listen and watch almost as mesmerised by him as he is by his creative process. 

“Hm. It’s missing something…” He ponders.

Suddenly his hands find your shoulders and your back is pressed against the wet canvas. He presses himself against you and tilts your chin up granting him access to your lips. Rafayel’s kisses are always fiery and passionate, but now there is an additional heartfelt intensity to his touch. Or, perhaps you’re just extra sensitive from the wine. 

The push of his hips presses you even firmer into the canvas behind you as the kiss deepens. You reach out with the intention of wrapping your arms behind his neck but he catches your wrists and holds them above your head. He’d normally only need one hand, but he finds himself needing a firmer grip on you against the slippery paint. 

“There. I’m done now.” He abruptly announces as he pulls away, leaving you utterly confused.

You’re quickly spun around so your back is against his chest, revealing the shape of your body immortalized into his painting.

“Thank you, cutie.” His attention is returned to you in the form of searing kisses along your neck and strong arms coiling themselves around your torso.

It doesn’t take you long to realize that the wine has little to do with your sensitivity, it’s just him. Just Rafayel.

Sylus — In the early hours of the morning you find yourself driving around the N109 Zone in its usual gloomy darkness. You hadn’t seen Sylus all week with your conflicting schedules and sleep patterns, so now you drove past all the mess and havoc determined to catch him before he went to sleep.

You had contacted his chef the previous day requesting Sylus’s favorite dishes and a bottle of fine wine to match. A tray precariously stacked with deliciousness sat in the middle of his empty bed and you couldn’t do anything but wait for him to come find you. 

“Kitten? What are you doing here at this hour? You should be sleeping.” Sylus questioned.

“I thought we could have breakfast in bed together.” You glanced at the spread in front of you that did not resemble breakfast in the slightest. “... Or dinner in bed. Depends if we’re judging by your day or mine I guess.”

“You’re too sweet.” He leans down and kisses you tenderly before slipping away to take a quick shower and change into something more comfortable. 

He returns wearing nothing but his favored dark robe and sits on the edge of the bed in such a way that causes the robe to slip slightly. The smirk on his lips and teasing glint in his eye tells you he is perfectly aware of his actions. But you’re not giving in, you won’t give him the satisfaction.

Instead you eat, drink and chat as if you were a perfectly normal couple sharing a romantic meal. He tells you about his day (night), but leaves out the more unpleasant illegal details, and you tell him about your plans for the day ahead. Your agenda consists of the usual stuff, patrol and reports. However there is a certain task you know Sylus will find particularly interesting

Undercover. Illegal protocore trading research mission.

“Oh, how convenient. It seems our agendas share certain similarities today, kitten. What information will you be looking for exactly?”

“You know I can’t tell you that, Sylus.” 

“Hm, that’s a shame. I suppose I could have just told you everything you wanted to know, but where’s the fun in that?” You roll your eyes at him, expecting nothing less from the big bad boss. “And as a bonus, we’ll finally get to have a proper date night.” 

“I don’t know if I’d call me secretly investigating your illegal organization a ‘proper date night’.”

“I guess it depends on what role you’ll play when you’re undercover.” He swipes his fingers along his bottom lip before he rests his chin on them pretending to be in deep thought. “If you plan to portray a beautiful seductress aiming to charm me out of everything I own, inviting you to dinner would be quite fitting, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Sylus…”

“Who knows, perhaps you’ll have me so tightly wrapped around your finger that I simply hand over the key to Onychinus.” He teases.

“Oh please, we both know you’d do that right now if I asked.”

“Oops, you called my bluff. You’re absolutely correct, sweetie.” Sylus leans in closer and places his warm hand on your cheek. His eyes are overflowing with admiration and devotion as he pins you down with his gaze. Staring unabashedly at your lips he whispers against them “I am completely under your control.” 

His warm lips press against yours and you welcome them gladly. None of you dare break away, needing to be even closer. He pulls you into his lap with zero regard for his robe that no longer serves any purpose. 

“I’m ready for dessert, sweetie.”

Once you’re both fully satisfied, he drifts off to sleep and you reluctantly leave him as you get ready for work. You spend the following hours plotting your portrayal of the ‘beautiful seductress’ he suggested, eager to bring him to his knees again…

Caleb — Another stupid mission took him far into deepspace and away from you. There were so many things you wanted to show him, to tell him, share those silly little things from your daily life that were absolutely not interesting at all! You knew he’d care, that he’d want to know. So, you documented it. You saved all the recipes you tried and took a picture of the end results, even if it wasn’t particularly tasty. 

You took pictures of every sunrise (if you were awake for it) and sunset, jotting down your thoughts along with each of them. Sometimes you’d talk about your mood or how the day had been. Other times, when you missed him extra fiercely, your notes compared the colors of the sky to his eyes. Each and every time you came to the conclusion that the sunset would never be as bold or vibrant as him. 

Once the three weeks allocated for his mission neared the end you eagerly hopped on a train to Skyhaven so you could surprise him. You arrived a few days early, just in case. 

He’d most likely be completely exhausted so cleaning the apartment and stocking his fridge seemed sensible. The next two days were spent deepcleaning the already nearly spotless space. The third day was spent stress cleaning what you already did the day before, because he was late. He was supposed to be home by now…  

Then, finally, your phone rings.

“Hey, Pip-squeak!”

“Caleb! I’ve been so worried.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I called you as soon as I could. I’m ok though, I promise.”

“Are you home yet?” You ask, intent on keeping your location a surprise.

“No, I was actually thinkin’ of heading straight to your place.” You freeze. He can’t go to Linkon, you’re not there!

“Uhm, no, I’m really busy. Wanderers have been sooo bad lately.” Shit, you’re a terrible liar.

“Oh, hm, that’s a shame. I was really hoping to see you today.” He knew where you were. The second he stepped into the elevator he was surrounded by the faint lingering scent of home, of you. 

“Yeah, those pesky wanderers always ruin stuff, don’t they…” You were sprinting around the kitchen as quietly as possible, preparing some snacks and easy fingerfoods. Dinner would have to wait, he’d be here soon. 

“I’ve missed you, Pips. So much…” Caleb couldn’t contain his smile as he pressed his thumb against the keypad, unlocking the door only to be met by his favorite sight. The hurricane of a woman that you grew to become, but still his Pip-squeak. 

“Honey, I’m home!” He called out when he had gifted himself a few extra seconds to just stare at you.

“Caleb!” You excitedly shouted before leaping into his arms.

He held you tightly and kissed you like he’d barely escaped death and thought he’d never see you again. A feeling he battled far too frequently.

“I… Missed you… So… Much…” Each word drowned against your lips as he walked you both back toward the kitchen.

He gently places you on the counter and positions himself between your legs. With a firm grip on your hips he pulls you forward and presses himself against you. A sense of relief washes over both of you as the desperate need for closeness that has been eating away at you is finally somewhat satiated. You begin to peel away the layers of his uniform and he impatiently tugs at your sweater. 

The food and drinks you prepared before his arrival sit forgotten on the counter next to you, too drunk on each other to think of any other need than the need for touch. That is, until someone's flailing limb knocks over the opened bottle of wine sending it quickly towards its doom. Caleb rescues it just before impact with his handy evol and only a few drops of red are wasted.

“Hungry?” You question breathlessly.

“Starved.” He answers, before leaning back into your embrace.

“I meant for actual food, dummy. It might not be a fancy three course meal, but I did put effort into this spread.” You wanted to lose yourself in him so badly, but you knew that if you were able to be patient the reward would be much sweeter later. If you were lucky, Caleb might even beg oh so sweetly for your touch.

“Pips, please.” Oh, he’s begging already. 

“We should eat first, Caleb. Besides, I have something I want to show you.” You stare innocently into his eyes and it’s almost like you can hear the fight he’s having with himself inside his head. 

“Fine.” He eventually concedes.  

You reach out to lovingly pat his head “Good boy.”

He bit his lip and stared at you with a renewed sense of hunger as you casually jumped down from the kitchen counter and strolled toward the living room with food in your hands.  

“I let you get away with way too much, Pips.”

You only giggled in response before patting the spot next to you on the couch. He listened intently to your retelling of the three weeks he missed and offered commentary to the little slideshow of pictures you had accumulated in his absence. 

He’d be rewarded for his good behaviour later… 

AN: Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If anyone is interested in being added to the taglist, let me know!

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze

ll Read more: Masterlist ll © Colonel Kaboom ll

[colonelkaboom]

A prince, a knight & a poet

✦ Chapter 11 - Will you be my valentine(s)? ✦

Caleb and Xavier attempt to come to terms with what they did while you were gone. It weighs on them both causing Xavier to crumble and Caleb to overcompensate. They won't tell you what happened, but you have your suspicions. Scared and horrified by your star slowly dimming, you turn to Caleb for answers knowing he is unable to deny your requests or hide his answers behind lies...

Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6 ll Chapter 7 ll Chapter 8 ll Chapter 9 ll Chapter 10 ll Chapter 11 ll Chapter 12

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ✦ Xavier x Caleb x Reader ✦ Word count: 4.6k ✦ Small town au ✦ Slow burn, friends to lovers, rivals to lovers, domestic fluff, suggestive themes, sexual tension, MDNI (never know where to draw the line with this stuff, it's nothing graphic), polyamory, guilt, hurt, comfort, more to come

Something happened while you were away. It was painfully obvious, yet they somehow thought they could fool you. If the fact that Caleb had been uncharacteristically distant wasn’t telling enough, then Xavier barely touching you and almost looking afraid the few times he did proved that your assumptions were correct. 

They were hiding something from you...

You had your suspicions, but you desperately wanted to hear it from them instead of taking the risk of guessing and being wrong.  

Those longing gazes they shared that you secretly observed before you had your weekend away, held something different now. You recognized the feeling. They were looking at each other the same way you and Xavier looked at each other when you first met and tried to maintain professional boundaries. But what made you worry was that none of them seemed to be looking at you. 

Being insecure wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with, although the feeling was rather new in the presence of your boys. What was really eating away at you was how they both seemed to slowly lose their brightness. Like this secret they shared was draining them. 

Xavier seemed particularly empty. He rarely slept, barely touched his food. The only proper conversation you had shared with Caleb after you came home was when he came to you expressing his concerns about Xavier’s sudden inability to care for himself. 

Caleb had almost begged you to do whatever you could. There was no need for begging, you were very eager to talk with Xavier, you just didn’t know where to begin. He had never been like this in the time you had known him and he wasn’t exactly easy to communicate with at the moment, which made it even harder to figure out what he needed from either of you. 

But Xavier was crumbling. Caleb was desperate. And you missed him terribly…

“Xavier, please stop hiding. Whatever it is you think I won’t be able to handle, I guarantee seeing you like this hurts far worse than this ‘big secret’ you’re keeping from me.” Seeing the man you love so dearly curled up in bed unable to face you was surely the cruelest form of torture.

He spent most of his free time holed up in your dark room only finding solace in tragic love stories with a promise of ‘happily ever after’ neatly printed on paper. Being at work was tricky to say the least. You tried so hard to make him rest, but of course he wouldn’t listen.

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired. I promise I’m f – “ His voice was raspy, like he’d been crying for hours, which he probably had. 

"Is this the part where you try to convince me you’re fine, cause I’m telling you right now, I will not believe you. You’re shaking, Xavier. Please let me help you.” You were unable to hold back your own tears any longer as you carefully slid into bed and wrapped your arms around him. Nuzzling into his back, as close as possible, you dotted gentle kisses along the top of his spine. A gesture that usually brought him comfort. 

“Don’t do that, Starlight, please. I’m so sorry.” There was no strength left in his weary body, completely drained from all the emotions that were clearly eating at him. 

“Try to get some sleep, Xavier. I’m not going anywhere. I love you.” 

“I love you too, I really really do. I promise…”

All the guilt he felt for kissing Caleb, for wanting to do it again even when you were right there, how could he accept your tender affection like nothing had changed? His beautiful girlfriend, yet he was greedy enough to want you both. How could he do that to you? What sort of monster would do that to someone they loved. 

The sort of monster who very abruptly realized that they’re in love with more than one person…  

“Hey, did you talk to him?” Caleb asks when you enter the living room in search of some water. 

“Barely… But at least he’s sleeping now. Why are you still on the couch?”

“I wanted to stay close, in case you needed me.”

“Which one of us?”

“Both.” He admitted.

“But you still won’t tell me what��s going on? You won’t tell me why my boyfriend just asked me to please not kiss him in the same breath as he told me he loves me?”

“Pips.” Caleb gets up from the couch and pulls you into his embrace. Even now, his touch eases your pain.

“I don’t understand what’s going on with him. I — I don’t know how to help him!” 

Caleb shatters at your broken voice as your body practically crumbles into his. Two broken people, and a third one sleeping in the next room. He had to fix this, somehow. 

You needed to hear how he felt about you, just once. He’d say his piece, and then he’d leave.

"I loved you back then, I still love you now. I thought I was over it, but the second I saw you again in the parking lot, I knew I was still yours. But then you met Xavier, and that fairytale I wanted to give you wasn’t ours anymore." Caleb sighs as he stares deeply into your tearstricken eyes. 

"Wasn’t it?" You stutter through what remains of stubborn tears. 

“I don’t know? You tell me.” For a moment you simply don’t know what to say. What are you admitting to if you dare to be honest? 

Caleb confessing his love for you wasn’t a shock, at least not anymore. Gideon had tried to tell you, and while you hadn’t acted on it, it did make you more aware of Caleb’s actions. Even if you promised yourself you wouldn’t believe it until Caleb told you himself, the statement was hard to ignore. Of course he loved you, only a fool would be too blind to see it. Through teary eyes exhausted from hours of worry, you finally shed your last layers of stupidity and fully saw him. 

You loved him too, and you wanted to tell him. Wrap your arms around him and kiss his breath away. But there were too many questions, too many lines to cross. You couldn’t say it, what about Xavier?

“Caleb, what happened while I was gone?” You whisper, scared to accidentally wake Xavier who was finally getting some much needed rest.

“Huh? I – I’m not sure I know what you’re talkin’ about, Pips?”

“Caleb…” You were done waiting for one of them to be honest, so you had no other choice but to use your tricks. Caleb couldn’t keep secrets from you, not really, you knew he’d cave if you dared to ask.

“We, uhm… I… Fuck it… I kissed Xavier.” You were stunned. Yes, you had expected some sort of admission of attraction had occurred, but that they had gone as far as to kiss was admittedly a little bit shocking. “It was me though, I initiated it. Don’t be mad at Xavie.”

“You did?” The sound of your voice was so weak and frail you were unsure if Caleb even heard you.

"I'll walk away, right now, just say the word." He stares at you expectantly as his heart slowly shatters. 

He would do it, he would leave. If his absence was what would bring you and Xavier peace, he would be gone first thing in the morning. He loved you both too much to risk being part of causing you pain. 

"Don't."

“What?”

“Stay. Please… Don’t leave us.” 

You gently tugged at his sleeve and guided him along into your bedroom. Xavier was still sleeping but at the sound of your movement he briefly stirred awake.

“Xavier, I brought Caleb. Is that ok?”

He turned to look at you and even in the dim moonlight Caleb saw how drained Xavier truly was. He furrowed his brows and gritted his teeth in a pitiful attempt at holding back his own tears. 

Xavier was staring at your gentle grasp on Caleb’s sleeve. There were so many things he wanted to say, but nothing felt appropriate at the moment. 

Caleb cleared his throat which earned him Xavier’s attention. 

“She knows.” And then his blue eyes landed on you, anticipating being instantly kicked out. Cursed to spend the rest of his days without your grounding presence. But you met his bloodshot gaze with a gentle reassuring smile.

“Do you mind if we join you?” Xavier hesitantly shook his head. Not because he was unsure if he wanted you both there or not, but because even with your acceptance it felt like he was still continuously breaking your trust. 

You began climbing onto the bed, still holding Caleb’s sleeve. It would not be released until you felt his weight on the mattress behind you. You doubted he’d suddenly flee, but just to be sure you held him until he was safely tucked in behind you. 

Caleb perched himself up on his elbow allowing him to peek over your shoulder and see Xavier’s face. He looked so scared. 

“What’s happening?” He suddenly whispered, blue eyes hidden behind heavy eyelids. 

“We’ll figure that out in the morning, yeah?” Caleb said calmly.

Xavier was too exhausted to reply, and too scared to remain awake with his thoughts. He scooted close to you and tucked his head under your chin, breathing in the familiar scent of your body.

You could tell Caleb had tensed up behind you. Until now, he hadn’t been allowed this kind of closeness with you. Out of the corner of your eye you saw his arm hovering over your hip before reluctantly pulling back. As gently as possible, as to not disturb Xavier, you turned to face the hesitant man behind you. When you finally caught his purple eyes you mouthed those three little words you so desperately wanted to say to him. 

‘I love you’. 

Even though the room was rather dark, he must have seen because he smiled brighter than you’d seen in days. He leaned in and let his lips linger on your jaw. Not a kiss, that felt too bold given the situation. But the feeling of your skin touching his lips worked wonders. The once reluctant arm that hovered above you, found its destination at last. Yet there was something that told you that perhaps he had a different destination in mind.

“Do you want to hold him?” You turned to Caleb again and whispered carefully, knowing that Xavier was likely still listening.

Caleb swallowed before daring nod in agreement. He did not move his hand away from your hip, but his fingers could not decide whether to keep holding you or cautiously stretch his fingers toward Xavier. 

“What if he doesn’t want me to?” Barely a breath passed between Caleb’s words and Xavier’s answer.

“He does.” You felt his warm breath against your chest before he braved a kiss to your collarbone.

Caleb moved his hand onto Xavier’s side, caging you between them. Regardless of the confusion and uncertainty surrounding whatever this relationship is or will become, you’d never felt safer.

It must have been a strange sight to see the three of you so tightly knitted together glazed in the soft sunlight slowly creeping upon you. Both you and Caleb rested your heads over Xavier’s long arm, whose fingers gently scratched the nape of Caleb’s neck. One arm lay underneath your torso embracing you from behind, probably completely void of any blood circulation. The other arm of the matching pair crossed over you and found a safe refuge under Xavier’s sweater next to one of yours. Three sets of legs crowded the bottom half of the bed but you had no way of telling who they belonged to from this angle. 

Surprisingly, Xavier was the first to react to your gentle movements as you carefully stretched the parts of your body that were not currently constricted by someone else's.

“Morning, Starlight.” He whispered, nuzzling his nose with yours. 

“Hi. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. Happy, confused, worried, guilty —”

“Don’t feel guilty, please. I’ve been feeling guilty for weeks, I’m ready for something else.”

He chuckled softly, unsure of what reaction would be the most appropriate for their current predicament. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever regain feeling in my right arm.”

“That’s fine, you probably won’t need it anymore anyways.” Caleb’s groggy morning voice smugly uttered from behind you. 

You slapped his arm playfully at the lewd meaning of his words worried it would be far too soon for Xavier’s guilt to handle. To your surprise he braved a tiny smile, barely visible behind the pillow he tried to hide in. 

“If it’s any consolation, I can’t really feel my left arm. Guess that makes us two halves of a pair, Xavie.” 

Caleb used his right hand to pull Xavier closer to you. It was impossible to ignore how physically close they both were to you with their hips pressed into yours from both in front and behind. 

That guilt you so desperately wanted to get rid of, the same feeling you tried to convince Xavier he shouldn’t have, pushed to the front of your mind again. In fact, it was pressing against your body from two sides. You wanted this, wanted them, so badly. 

So many conversations needed to be had before you should even consider allowing yourself these thoughts. There were no decisions made yet, no boundaries agreed upon, no confirmation that any of you would be comfortable sharing. 

Caleb stirred behind you and the firm pressure against your rear made it apparent that his mind had wandered down similar paths to your own. 

“So… Should we, uhm?” None of you knew where to start, at least Caleb had the courage to attempt something. 

“Get cleaned up a bit, and have some breakfast, maybe?” Xavier continued. 

You and Caleb quickly agreed before all three of you scooted off the bed. 

Xavier placed a hand on your lower back as you made your way toward the en-suite. Caleb lingered at the edge of your bed, staring at the two of you entering the bathroom you shared. He tried his best to play cool, be confident and take charge of a situation that made his most important people uncomfortable. As you and Xavier seemed to easily slip back into your usual morning routine, he found himself left on his own as he usually was. 

There was no way he’d be able to go back to being on his own after sharing a bed with the two of you. How could he? He felt so safe and welcome, like he was finally allowed entry to your exclusive space. Less than twelve hours ago he had offered to leave, now, he was certain he wouldn’t be able to do that. He couldn’t even leave your bed. Water was running in the bathroom. It sounded like Xavier was on the toilet while you were brushing your teeth. Suddenly the thought of peeing alone felt foreign and terrifying. How pathetic… 

Eventually he got up and made it back to his private space. 

The kitchen was quiet when Caleb rejoined his roommates. Friends? Lovers? What are they exactly? Xavier was in deep thought hunched over the dining table. His eyes were still a bit red and puffy from the night before which made Caleb want to pick him up and kiss him until his eyes had gone back to normal. No matter how long it would take. 

You hadn’t noticed him yet, too busy prepping some elaborate breakfast born from a need to keep yourself busy. Xavier seemed to take note of Caleb’s presence as his gaze darted between those beautiful purple eyes and the dull dining table. Caleb walked toward the kitchen with an admirable attempt at his usual confident steps, slowing down ever so slightly when he passed Xavier’s hunched over form. Caleb reached out to squeeze Xavier’s hand aching for some of the closeness he had been granted over night. The plan was to keep moving into the kitchen to help you, but then Xavier squeezed back and Caleb froze. 

Xavier was shocked at his own response to Caleb’s reassuring touch. You had given him permission, told him to not feel guilty, yet it took all his power not to turn around and see if you were looking. He found himself gently rubbing his thumb over Caleb’s knuckles and with each swipe of his thumb, Caleb slowly relaxed into the chair next to him. Caleb couldn’t stop staring at Xavier, and Xavier couldn’t stop staring at their joined hands. He seemed confused at the action his own fingers were performing, like he had no control over them anymore. 

Caleb placed his other hand over theirs hoping to get Xavier’s attention and also grant himself some relief. Watching Xavier’s pained expression locked on their hands as if they were committing a crime was beginning to tear at him. 

Xavier finally dared meet Caleb’s longing gaze. He swallowed hard, his throat bobbing visibly as he fought to calm himself. It looked like he was finally able to find some comfort in Caleb’s closeness, until he was reminded that they were in fact not alone.

“I hope you’re hungry. I might have gone a little overboard.” You laughed nervously, balancing plates of bagels, fruits, bacon and eggs in your hands.

The bacon gets placed closest to Xavier, of course. Anything to hopefully ease his mind.

The boys quickly break apart as soon as you speak and your heart shatters. You want them to be close, you want to watch them find comfort in each other. Yet your presence ruined whatever moment they just had. 

“Please…” You whisper shakily. 

They both reach to hold your hand. Xavier first, whilst Caleb follows only a second or two after, like he has to gauge everyone's reaction to his actions before daring to commit. You take a moment to breathe, soaking in the warmth of their tender touches before you abruptly pull your hands free from theirs. Two pairs of wide eyes filled to the brim with confusion stare up at you. They shared something, before you unintentionally ruined it. It was only fair you tried to rebuild it too, right? 

You grab the two hands that briefly held yours and link them back together in the same position they shared earlier. They both seem reluctant to relax back into it, now that you’re here. Before they get the chance to let go of each other, you quickly let your fingers tangle in with theirs keeping them both in place. 

“I – I want this…” Barely any sound escapes you and you can only hope they heard. When they both remain silent you feel your hope slowly fade, and with it your physical strength as your legs turn to jelly. 

Xavier notices and gently pulls you into his lap, wrapping his arms protectively around your waist. He nuzzles against your neck surprised by the raging speed of your pulse. It only makes him need to hold you tighter.

“When you say ‘this’, what do you mean exactly?” He whispers against your skin, keeping his eyes locked on Caleb. “I need you to be very clear and specific, please.”

Caleb’s gaze flickers between you both, looking both scared and hopeful at the same time, urging you to speak.

“I want – I…” You are unable to speak, the words linger on the tip of your tongue but they are terrifying. Like saying them out loud will condemn you to a life alone, without either of your beloved boys. You manage a breath that sounded vaguely like ‘Caleb’ and he scoots his chair closer to you and takes the hand you didn’t even know you were holding out for him. “I don’t want you to leave me, either of you.”

And then, you cry. You’re certain that if they were unsure if they wished to stay or not, seeing your ugly crying face would be enough to make up their minds. Before the first tear makes it down to your chin, two gentle hands swipe against your cheeks. One calloused and slightly rough, the other as smooth as silk. You glance down into your lap to see the thumb of Caleb’s other hand stroking your thigh whilst the rest of his fingers gently graze Xavier’s leg below you. 

“We’re not leaving, Starlight.”

“Never.”

You eventually stop crying, although the following conversations between the three of you does elicit a few more fearful tears. From the boys too. It doesn’t take long to realize you all want the same thing, you all want each other. The problem is that neither of you know what that fully entails. What is shared? What is kept between just two of you? What do you tell others? 

Xavier stirs beneath you before announcing that he needs to use the restroom. He holds your waist as you both stand but he doesn’t let go right away. A look is shared between the two of you, but you don’t know what he’s trying to say. Then he gently guides you backwards until the back of your knees touch Caleb’s legs and Xavier slowly coaxes you down to sit. A burning blush creeps up your face and a matching one is already brightly beaming on Caleb’s. Xavier smirks before disappearing to the bathroom. 

Although he was the one who put you there, leaving you in Caleb’s lap stirred his lingering jealousy and protectiveness. But if he was going to get to have you both, that was something he had to overcome. He didn’t even really need the restroom, but as far as he knew, you and Caleb hadn’t even kissed yet. As adults that is… 

“You good, Pips?”

“I’m, uhm…”

This was a new level of closeness for Caleb. Sure, you’d been close last night, but that was different. Xavier was right there next to you, probably silently observing. But when he left just now he had given Caleb permission, he was certain of it. Pushing you into his lap, that smirk when he walked away. Surely it couldn’t mean anything other than ‘go ahead’, right? Although Xavier probably would have said something more like ‘you’ve both earned it. But my presence is not needed for you to finally cross that line’. 

“Can I kiss you? Please, can I kiss you.” Caleb begs whilst turning your face toward his, already dangerously close to his lips. As if sensing your hesitation he quickly tries to reassure you, reminding you of Xavier’s actions. “He wants this too, you saw that look on his face, right? Please, Pips.”

You swallow the nervous lump in your throat and raise a shaky hand to his cheek. His skin is a little dry and spiky stubble scrapes against your fingers. Caleb’s gaze is locked on your lips. Every breath, every time you swallow, every tiny movement they make he looks like he’s about to snap. Part of you wishes he did, that he’d take the plunge so you wouldn’t have to. He won’t, he’s waiting for you to accept his invitation. To accept him.  

So, you do. Timidly, you lean forward and press your lips on his. Your first movements are bold, yet cautions. Broad shoulders are calling out for your arms to rest against them as you angle your chest toward his. Caleb grabs your waist and lifts you from his lap and for a moment you fear he’s regretting it already. You try to pull back to get a view of his expression, but he doesn’t let you and pulls you back down with your thighs on either side of his. 

Although you both treasured the memory of the first kiss you shared as teenagers, it paled in comparison to this one. That kiss was filled with inexperience and trepidation, this one was filled with love and yearning.

Your hands held both sides of Caleb’s face, needing to anchor him to you as his strong embrace did the same and pushed your chest even closer to his. You could tell he was hard as the new closeness now pressed him against your dampened core. As you fought against every instinct telling you to let go and lose yourself in him the faint sound of a deep breath being drawn claimed your attention. Your lips left Caleb’s instantly and then you froze. Eyes locked on Xavier who had unintentionally pulled your focus away from the man you were currently straddling. 

“Don’t stop on my account. You two carry on.” That famous smirk of his playing on his lips with renewed force.

“Funny.” Caleb chuckled, recalling the words he himself had used when he’d caught you and Xavier holding hands that first time at the bookstore. 

Wood scraped against tile as Xavier pulled his chair closer to Caleb’s and sat down as close to you as possible without falling out of his seat. Something had changed and Xavier was suddenly the most confident one out of all of you. Perhaps he had cried out the worst of his worries last night, when you and Caleb still kept most of yours bottled away. 

He leaned forward and kissed you deeply, catching you off guard. But Caleb’s hand kept stroking your back and Xavier’s hand found yours allowing yourself to melt into him like you did Caleb. He was still so close that you could feel his breath against your cheek. It was getting far too warm and that subtle dampness you noticed before had evolved into a drenched piece of fabric uncomfortably sticking to you. Your hips moved, just once, accidentally. The second time was on purpose, with more force so you could really feel Caleb against you. He moaned, soft and half hidden behind his forcibly shut lips, but you all heard it and Xavier pulled back.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Caleb frantically apologized with panicked eyes darting back and forth between you and Xavier.

“Don’t apologize, Caleb.” There was still a hint of uncertainty to Xavier’s voice and action, but he knew what he wanted, what you all wanted. So he glanced at you before leaning in to Caleb and they had their second kiss right in front of you. 

You were shocked, dazed and completely in awe at the sight and the need to press your thighs together quickly became rather unbearable as you tried your hardest not to squirm too much in Caleb’s lap. Two hands joined at the bottom of your back, one from each of them, and pressed your hips onto Caleb’s twitching cock. He moaned so beautifully again and you couldn’t fight the smile on your face, Xavier was smiling too but still didn’t let his lips abandon Caleb’s. Their hands kept encouraging you to move and it didn’t take much for you to shamelessly grind against him leaving both of you whimpering messes. Xavier looked far too smug for your liking so you leaned over and began leaving sloppy kisses along his neck forcing him to join your sounds of pleasure. 

As you were losing yourselves to each other exchanging kisses and touches like your lives depended on it, a card lay forgotten on the kitchen counter. A card you had bought with the intention of giving it to Xavier, but in a moment of bravery during breakfast preparations, you decided the card needed to fulfill a broader purpose. Pink and red obnoxiously marbled together with big black letters saying ‘will you be my valentine?’ on the front adorned with your handwritten little ‘s’ and an arrow pointing towards its rightful place.

    ‘Will you be my valentineS?’

AN: Yay, they're finally all together! Thanks for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If anyone is interested in being added to the series taglist, click here 🍎⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @1ren3n @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @tiffydasquirrel @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @feikyuu

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

Their biggest insecurities

What makes them the most insecure in your relationship? If you view them differently than I have described them here, I'd love to hear your opinion! I have no one to discuss this game with, so I'm truthfully very open to hearing other points of view.

✦ Word count: 1.1k ✦ Soft angst, headcanon

✦ Xavier - Not being enough for you: Being with you was worth spending all his stamina on, there was no doubt in Xavier’s mind about that. However once his battery ran out, there was nothing he could do but go home and sleep. You’d happily join him for a nap. The issue was that he didn’t need a nap, he needed a minimum of 10 hours of heavy sleep to reach a semi comfortable 50% before he gladly let you drain him again. He loved your energetic passion and relished in simply watching you have fun as he sat back and rested. But, of course you wanted him to join you and share new experiences. 

He wondered when you’d get sick of quiet nights on the couch playing video games and watching movies. Surely you’d grow too restless for him soon. He’d understand, of course, he’d let you go if he had to. The thought made his chest ache. Where would you go? Who would you go to when he no longer excited you? There was one question he already knew the answer to; what would happen to him, when you were no longer his? The answer is simple, yet terribly complicated and difficult at the same time. The day you decide he can’t keep up with you anymore, is the day he’ll allow his battery to permanently burn out…

✦ Zayne - Being too cold for you: Shielding his emotions and remaining professional was a quality of Zayne’s that came in very handy when working as a Doctor. Remaining cool, calm and collected in any situation was part of what made him so good at his job. The issue arose when you became such a big part of his personal life. He had his ways of showing his devotion, but moving beyond small gestures no one but you would deem affectionate seemed to be beyond his reach. He was scared.

He couldn’t help but fear that perhaps you’d want more. That you’d want someone who would dare hold your hand in the presence of others. Someone brave enough to kiss you with all the passion he felt, every single time your lips touched his. Someone who was able to shout from the rooftops, for the whole world to hear, that he loved you. Someone who wore his emotions proudly, rather than keeping them hidden underneath small smirks and gently furrowed brows. Your continuous reassurance and reminders that you could read him like an open book, brought him little comfort. In fact, it simply made him more uncertain, assuming this meant his emotions were slipping through the cracks at a rate he could not keep up with...

✦ Rafayel - Being too much for you: Rafayel knew who he was, confident, talented, handsome, all laced with a spellbinding dramatic flare that only he was capable of wielding. But he was also emotional, needy and at times unreliable. All these qualities, both good and bad, could only amount to one thing; Too much. He swore he could sense it radiating from you at times, you were annoyed at him. He took it one sassy comment too far this time. It was supposed to be funny, but perhaps you were not in the mood for his humor today. Your busy work life drained you, leaving no patience for his antics. You couldn’t handle him. 

He’d attempted to keep his distance. Adopt a more quiet persona. But he needed your presence like he needed the ocean, he simply could not breathe without you. There I go again, being too much, too needy… He’d attempted to communicate his insecurities to you, and you did your best to ease his worry. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was simply too much for you. You’d realize sooner or later and leave him stranded and alone once more… 

✦ Sylus - Being feared by you: When he finally found you and you couldn’t resonate with him, he was terrified. The thought of you being afraid and disgusted by him made his usually hard exterior slowly crumble. No one could see it, not even you, but he was aching. In order to keep the N109 Zone his domain, being feared was a necessity. But you had no reason to fear him, why were you so scared? He’d never hurt you, surely you knew that? 

As you slowly warmed up to him, he dared melt furter into you. Yet, every time he saw you, he’d still have that lingering ache threatening his hard facade. Was there any trace of his business visible on him? Any blood from his enemies? Soot and ash from a bad deal going up in flames? Any trace of the dangerous activities he partook in, all in the name of Onychinus? How much of his villainous lifestyle would it take for you to finally back away? How much more could you handle before he’d find you quivering in a corner staring at him with tears in your eyes? He hoped he would never learn the answer to all these questions burning a hole in his heart. He’d rather not know... 

✦ Caleb - Being rejected by you: He’d spent his whole life catering to your every need, always doing his very best to make sure you had everything you wanted. He loved watching you smile, be happy, do well in school and have the privilege of witnessing you growing into the beautiful woman you are today. But most of all he loved when he was able to be part of or completely responsible for your happiness. 

That is why the distance that occasionally grew between you was so hard for him to handle. He lived for your satisfaction, and when you claimed that you didn’t need him or wanted to do something without his help, a small part of his heart broke. You would be right there to glue it back on, but as more and more pieces would break you simply couldn’t keep up with the maintenance he silently required. He asked too much of you, without asking anything of you at all, he knew that. How honest could he be without risking you finally shutting him down and backing away from him? You knew he was devoted to you, but his everlasting silence on just how devoted he actually was remained a painfully obvious secret. 

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

A prince, a knight & a poet

✦ Chapter 11 - Will you be my valentine(s)? ✦

Caleb and Xavier attempt to come to terms with what they did while you were gone. It weighs on them both causing Xavier to crumble and Caleb to overcompensate. They won't tell you what happened, but you have your suspicions. Scared and horrified by your star slowly dimming, you turn to Caleb for answers knowing he is unable to deny your requests or hide his answers behind lies...

Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6 ll Chapter 7 ll Chapter 8 ll Chapter 9 ll Chapter 10 ll Chapter 11 ll Chapter 12

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ll Completed series ✦ Xavier x Caleb x Reader ✦ Word count: 4.6k ✦ Small town au ✦ Slow burn, friends to lovers, rivals to lovers, domestic fluff, suggestive themes, sexual tension, MDNI (never know where to draw the line with this stuff, it's nothing graphic), polyamory, guilt, hurt, comfort, more to come

Something happened while you were away. It was painfully obvious, yet they somehow thought they could fool you. If the fact that Caleb had been uncharacteristically distant wasn’t telling enough, then Xavier barely touching you and almost looking afraid the few times he did proved that your assumptions were correct. 

They were hiding something from you...

You had your suspicions, but you desperately wanted to hear it from them instead of taking the risk of guessing and being wrong.  

Those longing gazes they shared that you secretly observed before you had your weekend away, held something different now. You recognized the feeling. They were looking at each other the same way you and Xavier looked at each other when you first met and tried to maintain professional boundaries. But what made you worry was that none of them seemed to be looking at you. 

Being insecure wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with, although the feeling was rather new in the presence of your boys. What was really eating away at you was how they both seemed to slowly lose their brightness. Like this secret they shared was draining them. 

Xavier seemed particularly empty. He rarely slept, barely touched his food. The only proper conversation you had shared with Caleb after you came home was when he came to you expressing his concerns about Xavier’s sudden inability to care for himself. 

Caleb had almost begged you to do whatever you could. There was no need for begging, you were very eager to talk with Xavier, you just didn’t know where to begin. He had never been like this in the time you had known him and he wasn’t exactly easy to communicate with at the moment, which made it even harder to figure out what he needed from either of you. 

But Xavier was crumbling. Caleb was desperate. And you missed him terribly…

“Xavier, please stop hiding. Whatever it is you think I won’t be able to handle, I guarantee seeing you like this hurts far worse than this ‘big secret’ you’re keeping from me.” Seeing the man you love so dearly curled up in bed unable to face you was surely the cruelest form of torture.

He spent most of his free time holed up in your dark room only finding solace in tragic love stories with a promise of ‘happily ever after’ neatly printed on paper. Being at work was tricky to say the least. You tried so hard to make him rest, but of course he wouldn’t listen.

“It’s nothing, I’m just tired. I promise I’m f – “ His voice was raspy, like he’d been crying for hours, which he probably had. 

"Is this the part where you try to convince me you’re fine, cause I’m telling you right now, I will not believe you. You’re shaking, Xavier. Please let me help you.” You were unable to hold back your own tears any longer as you carefully slid into bed and wrapped your arms around him. Nuzzling into his back, as close as possible, you dotted gentle kisses along the top of his spine. A gesture that usually brought him comfort. 

“Don’t do that, Starlight, please. I’m so sorry.” There was no strength left in his weary body, completely drained from all the emotions that were clearly eating at him. 

“Try to get some sleep, Xavier. I’m not going anywhere. I love you.” 

“I love you too, I really really do. I promise…”

All the guilt he felt for kissing Caleb, for wanting to do it again even when you were right there, how could he accept your tender affection like nothing had changed? His beautiful girlfriend, yet he was greedy enough to want you both. How could he do that to you? What sort of monster would do that to someone they loved. 

The sort of monster who very abruptly realized that they’re in love with more than one person…  

“Hey, did you talk to him?” Caleb asks when you enter the living room in search of some water. 

“Barely… But at least he’s sleeping now. Why are you still on the couch?”

“I wanted to stay close, in case you needed me.”

“Which one of us?”

“Both.” He admitted.

“But you still won’t tell me what’s going on? You won’t tell me why my boyfriend just asked me to please not kiss him in the same breath as he told me he loves me?”

“Pips.” Caleb gets up from the couch and pulls you into his embrace. Even now, his touch eases your pain.

“I don’t understand what’s going on with him. I — I don’t know how to help him!” 

Caleb shatters at your broken voice as your body practically crumbles into his. Two broken people, and a third one sleeping in the next room. He had to fix this, somehow. 

You needed to hear how he felt about you, just once. He’d say his piece, and then he’d leave.

"I loved you back then, I still love you now. I thought I was over it, but the second I saw you again in the parking lot, I knew I was still yours. But then you met Xavier, and that fairytale I wanted to give you wasn’t ours anymore." Caleb sighs as he stares deeply into your tearstricken eyes. 

"Wasn’t it?" You stutter through what remains of stubborn tears. 

“I don’t know? You tell me.” For a moment you simply don’t know what to say. What are you admitting to if you dare to be honest? 

Caleb confessing his love for you wasn’t a shock, at least not anymore. Gideon had tried to tell you, and while you hadn’t acted on it, it did make you more aware of Caleb’s actions. Even if you promised yourself you wouldn’t believe it until Caleb told you himself, the statement was hard to ignore. Of course he loved you, only a fool would be too blind to see it. Through teary eyes exhausted from hours of worry, you finally shed your last layers of stupidity and fully saw him. 

You loved him too, and you wanted to tell him. Wrap your arms around him and kiss his breath away. But there were too many questions, too many lines to cross. You couldn’t say it, what about Xavier?

“Caleb, what happened while I was gone?” You whisper, scared to accidentally wake Xavier who was finally getting some much needed rest.

“Huh? I – I’m not sure I know what you’re talkin’ about, Pips?”

“Caleb…” You were done waiting for one of them to be honest, so you had no other choice but to use your tricks. Caleb couldn’t keep secrets from you, not really, you knew he’d cave if you dared to ask.

“We, uhm… I… Fuck it… I kissed Xavier.” You were stunned. Yes, you had expected some sort of admission of attraction had occurred, but that they had gone as far as to kiss was admittedly a little bit shocking. “It was me though, I initiated it. Don’t be mad at Xavie.”

“You did?” The sound of your voice was so weak and frail you were unsure if Caleb even heard you.

"I'll walk away, right now, just say the word." He stares at you expectantly as his heart slowly shatters. 

He would do it, he would leave. If his absence was what would bring you and Xavier peace, he would be gone first thing in the morning. He loved you both too much to risk being part of causing you pain. 

"Don't."

“What?”

“Stay. Please… Don’t leave us.” 

You gently tugged at his sleeve and guided him along into your bedroom. Xavier was still sleeping but at the sound of your movement he briefly stirred awake.

“Xavier, I brought Caleb. Is that ok?”

He turned to look at you and even in the dim moonlight Caleb saw how drained Xavier truly was. He furrowed his brows and gritted his teeth in a pitiful attempt at holding back his own tears. 

Xavier was staring at your gentle grasp on Caleb’s sleeve. There were so many things he wanted to say, but nothing felt appropriate at the moment. 

Caleb cleared his throat which earned him Xavier’s attention. 

“She knows.” And then his blue eyes landed on you, anticipating being instantly kicked out. Cursed to spend the rest of his days without your grounding presence. But you met his bloodshot gaze with a gentle reassuring smile.

“Do you mind if we join you?” Xavier hesitantly shook his head. Not because he was unsure if he wanted you both there or not, but because even with your acceptance it felt like he was still continuously breaking your trust. 

You began climbing onto the bed, still holding Caleb’s sleeve. It would not be released until you felt his weight on the mattress behind you. You doubted he’d suddenly flee, but just to be sure you held him until he was safely tucked in behind you. 

Caleb perched himself up on his elbow allowing him to peek over your shoulder and see Xavier’s face. He looked so scared. 

“What’s happening?” He suddenly whispered, blue eyes hidden behind heavy eyelids. 

“We’ll figure that out in the morning, yeah?” Caleb said calmly.

Xavier was too exhausted to reply, and too scared to remain awake with his thoughts. He scooted close to you and tucked his head under your chin, breathing in the familiar scent of your body.

You could tell Caleb had tensed up behind you. Until now, he hadn’t been allowed this kind of closeness with you. Out of the corner of your eye you saw his arm hovering over your hip before reluctantly pulling back. As gently as possible, as to not disturb Xavier, you turned to face the hesitant man behind you. When you finally caught his purple eyes you mouthed those three little words you so desperately wanted to say to him. 

‘I love you’. 

Even though the room was rather dark, he must have seen because he smiled brighter than you’d seen in days. He leaned in and let his lips linger on your jaw. Not a kiss, that felt too bold given the situation. But the feeling of your skin touching his lips worked wonders. The once reluctant arm that hovered above you, found its destination at last. Yet there was something that told you that perhaps he had a different destination in mind.

“Do you want to hold him?” You turned to Caleb again and whispered carefully, knowing that Xavier was likely still listening.

Caleb swallowed before daring nod in agreement. He did not move his hand away from your hip, but his fingers could not decide whether to keep holding you or cautiously stretch his fingers toward Xavier. 

“What if he doesn’t want me to?” Barely a breath passed between Caleb’s words and Xavier’s answer.

“He does.” You felt his warm breath against your chest before he braved a kiss to your collarbone.

Caleb moved his hand onto Xavier’s side, caging you between them. Regardless of the confusion and uncertainty surrounding whatever this relationship is or will become, you’d never felt safer.

It must have been a strange sight to see the three of you so tightly knitted together glazed in the soft sunlight slowly creeping upon you. Both you and Caleb rested your heads over Xavier’s long arm, whose fingers gently scratched the nape of Caleb’s neck. One arm lay underneath your torso embracing you from behind, probably completely void of any blood circulation. The other arm of the matching pair crossed over you and found a safe refuge under Xavier’s sweater next to one of yours. Three sets of legs crowded the bottom half of the bed but you had no way of telling who they belonged to from this angle. 

Surprisingly, Xavier was the first to react to your gentle movements as you carefully stretched the parts of your body that were not currently constricted by someone else's.

“Morning, Starlight.” He whispered, nuzzling his nose with yours. 

“Hi. How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. Happy, confused, worried, guilty —”

“Don’t feel guilty, please. I’ve been feeling guilty for weeks, I’m ready for something else.”

He chuckled softly, unsure of what reaction would be the most appropriate for their current predicament. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever regain feeling in my right arm.”

“That’s fine, you probably won’t need it anymore anyways.” Caleb’s groggy morning voice smugly uttered from behind you. 

You slapped his arm playfully at the lewd meaning of his words worried it would be far too soon for Xavier’s guilt to handle. To your surprise he braved a tiny smile, barely visible behind the pillow he tried to hide in. 

“If it’s any consolation, I can’t really feel my left arm. Guess that makes us two halves of a pair, Xavie.” 

Caleb used his right hand to pull Xavier closer to you. It was impossible to ignore how physically close they both were to you with their hips pressed into yours from both in front and behind. 

That guilt you so desperately wanted to get rid of, the same feeling you tried to convince Xavier he shouldn’t have, pushed to the front of your mind again. In fact, it was pressing against your body from two sides. You wanted this, wanted them, so badly. 

So many conversations needed to be had before you should even consider allowing yourself these thoughts. There were no decisions made yet, no boundaries agreed upon, no confirmation that any of you would be comfortable sharing. 

Caleb stirred behind you and the firm pressure against your rear made it apparent that his mind had wandered down similar paths to your own. 

“So… Should we, uhm?” None of you knew where to start, at least Caleb had the courage to attempt something. 

“Get cleaned up a bit, and have some breakfast, maybe?” Xavier continued. 

You and Caleb quickly agreed before all three of you scooted off the bed. 

Xavier placed a hand on your lower back as you made your way toward the en-suite. Caleb lingered at the edge of your bed, staring at the two of you entering the bathroom you shared. He tried his best to play cool, be confident and take charge of a situation that made his most important people uncomfortable. As you and Xavier seemed to easily slip back into your usual morning routine, he found himself left on his own as he usually was. 

There was no way he’d be able to go back to being on his own after sharing a bed with the two of you. How could he? He felt so safe and welcome, like he was finally allowed entry to your exclusive space. Less than twelve hours ago he had offered to leave, now, he was certain he wouldn’t be able to do that. He couldn’t even leave your bed. Water was running in the bathroom. It sounded like Xavier was on the toilet while you were brushing your teeth. Suddenly the thought of peeing alone felt foreign and terrifying. How pathetic… 

Eventually he got up and made it back to his private space. 

The kitchen was quiet when Caleb rejoined his roommates. Friends? Lovers? What are they exactly? Xavier was in deep thought hunched over the dining table. His eyes were still a bit red and puffy from the night before which made Caleb want to pick him up and kiss him until his eyes had gone back to normal. No matter how long it would take. 

You hadn’t noticed him yet, too busy prepping some elaborate breakfast born from a need to keep yourself busy. Xavier seemed to take note of Caleb’s presence as his gaze darted between those beautiful purple eyes and the dull dining table. Caleb walked toward the kitchen with an admirable attempt at his usual confident steps, slowing down ever so slightly when he passed Xavier’s hunched over form. Caleb reached out to squeeze Xavier’s hand aching for some of the closeness he had been granted over night. The plan was to keep moving into the kitchen to help you, but then Xavier squeezed back and Caleb froze. 

Xavier was shocked at his own response to Caleb’s reassuring touch. You had given him permission, told him to not feel guilty, yet it took all his power not to turn around and see if you were looking. He found himself gently rubbing his thumb over Caleb’s knuckles and with each swipe of his thumb, Caleb slowly relaxed into the chair next to him. Caleb couldn’t stop staring at Xavier, and Xavier couldn’t stop staring at their joined hands. He seemed confused at the action his own fingers were performing, like he had no control over them anymore. 

Caleb placed his other hand over theirs hoping to get Xavier’s attention and also grant himself some relief. Watching Xavier’s pained expression locked on their hands as if they were committing a crime was beginning to tear at him. 

Xavier finally dared meet Caleb’s longing gaze. He swallowed hard, his throat bobbing visibly as he fought to calm himself. It looked like he was finally able to find some comfort in Caleb’s closeness, until he was reminded that they were in fact not alone.

“I hope you’re hungry. I might have gone a little overboard.” You laughed nervously, balancing plates of bagels, fruits, bacon and eggs in your hands.

The bacon gets placed closest to Xavier, of course. Anything to hopefully ease his mind.

The boys quickly break apart as soon as you speak and your heart shatters. You want them to be close, you want to watch them find comfort in each other. Yet your presence ruined whatever moment they just had. 

“Please…” You whisper shakily. 

They both reach to hold your hand. Xavier first, whilst Caleb follows only a second or two after, like he has to gauge everyone's reaction to his actions before daring to commit. You take a moment to breathe, soaking in the warmth of their tender touches before you abruptly pull your hands free from theirs. Two pairs of wide eyes filled to the brim with confusion stare up at you. They shared something, before you unintentionally ruined it. It was only fair you tried to rebuild it too, right? 

You grab the two hands that briefly held yours and link them back together in the same position they shared earlier. They both seem reluctant to relax back into it, now that you’re here. Before they get the chance to let go of each other, you quickly let your fingers tangle in with theirs keeping them both in place. 

“I – I want this…” Barely any sound escapes you and you can only hope they heard. When they both remain silent you feel your hope slowly fade, and with it your physical strength as your legs turn to jelly. 

Xavier notices and gently pulls you into his lap, wrapping his arms protectively around your waist. He nuzzles against your neck surprised by the raging speed of your pulse. It only makes him need to hold you tighter.

“When you say ‘this’, what do you mean exactly?” He whispers against your skin, keeping his eyes locked on Caleb. “I need you to be very clear and specific, please.”

Caleb’s gaze flickers between you both, looking both scared and hopeful at the same time, urging you to speak.

“I want – I…” You are unable to speak, the words linger on the tip of your tongue but they are terrifying. Like saying them out loud will condemn you to a life alone, without either of your beloved boys. You manage a breath that sounded vaguely like ‘Caleb’ and he scoots his chair closer to you and takes the hand you didn’t even know you were holding out for him. “I don’t want you to leave me, either of you.”

And then, you cry. You’re certain that if they were unsure if they wished to stay or not, seeing your ugly crying face would be enough to make up their minds. Before the first tear makes it down to your chin, two gentle hands swipe against your cheeks. One calloused and slightly rough, the other as smooth as silk. You glance down into your lap to see the thumb of Caleb’s other hand stroking your thigh whilst the rest of his fingers gently graze Xavier’s leg below you. 

“We’re not leaving, Starlight.”

“Never.”

You eventually stop crying, although the following conversations between the three of you does elicit a few more fearful tears. From the boys too. It doesn’t take long to realize you all want the same thing, you all want each other. The problem is that neither of you know what that fully entails. What is shared? What is kept between just two of you? What do you tell others? 

Xavier stirs beneath you before announcing that he needs to use the restroom. He holds your waist as you both stand but he doesn’t let go right away. A look is shared between the two of you, but you don’t know what he’s trying to say. Then he gently guides you backwards until the back of your knees touch Caleb’s legs and Xavier slowly coaxes you down to sit. A burning blush creeps up your face and a matching one is already brightly beaming on Caleb’s. Xavier smirks before disappearing to the bathroom. 

Although he was the one who put you there, leaving you in Caleb’s lap stirred his lingering jealousy and protectiveness. But if he was going to get to have you both, that was something he had to overcome. He didn’t even really need the restroom, but as far as he knew, you and Caleb hadn’t even kissed yet. As adults that is… 

“You good, Pips?”

“I’m, uhm…”

This was a new level of closeness for Caleb. Sure, you’d been close last night, but that was different. Xavier was right there next to you, probably silently observing. But when he left just now he had given Caleb permission, he was certain of it. Pushing you into his lap, that smirk when he walked away. Surely it couldn’t mean anything other than ‘go ahead’, right? Although Xavier probably would have said something more like ‘you’ve both earned it. But my presence is not needed for you to finally cross that line’. 

“Can I kiss you? Please, can I kiss you.” Caleb begs whilst turning your face toward his, already dangerously close to his lips. As if sensing your hesitation he quickly tries to reassure you, reminding you of Xavier’s actions. “He wants this too, you saw that look on his face, right? Please, Pips.”

You swallow the nervous lump in your throat and raise a shaky hand to his cheek. His skin is a little dry and spiky stubble scrapes against your fingers. Caleb’s gaze is locked on your lips. Every breath, every time you swallow, every tiny movement they make he looks like he’s about to snap. Part of you wishes he did, that he’d take the plunge so you wouldn’t have to. He won’t, he’s waiting for you to accept his invitation. To accept him.  

So, you do. Timidly, you lean forward and press your lips on his. Your first movements are bold, yet cautions. Broad shoulders are calling out for your arms to rest against them as you angle your chest toward his. Caleb grabs your waist and lifts you from his lap and for a moment you fear he’s regretting it already. You try to pull back to get a view of his expression, but he doesn’t let you and pulls you back down with your thighs on either side of his. 

Although you both treasured the memory of the first kiss you shared as teenagers, it paled in comparison to this one. That kiss was filled with inexperience and trepidation, this one was filled with love and yearning.

Your hands held both sides of Caleb’s face, needing to anchor him to you as his strong embrace did the same and pushed your chest even closer to his. You could tell he was hard as the new closeness now pressed him against your dampened core. As you fought against every instinct telling you to let go and lose yourself in him the faint sound of a deep breath being drawn claimed your attention. Your lips left Caleb’s instantly and then you froze. Eyes locked on Xavier who had unintentionally pulled your focus away from the man you were currently straddling. 

“Don’t stop on my account. You two carry on.” That famous smirk of his playing on his lips with renewed force.

“Funny.” Caleb chuckled, recalling the words he himself had used when he’d caught you and Xavier holding hands that first time at the bookstore. 

Wood scraped against tile as Xavier pulled his chair closer to Caleb’s and sat down as close to you as possible without falling out of his seat. Something had changed and Xavier was suddenly the most confident one out of all of you. Perhaps he had cried out the worst of his worries last night, when you and Caleb still kept most of yours bottled away. 

He leaned forward and kissed you deeply, catching you off guard. But Caleb’s hand kept stroking your back and Xavier’s hand found yours allowing yourself to melt into him like you did Caleb. He was still so close that you could feel his breath against your cheek. It was getting far too warm and that subtle dampness you noticed before had evolved into a drenched piece of fabric uncomfortably sticking to you. Your hips moved, just once, accidentally. The second time was on purpose, with more force so you could really feel Caleb against you. He moaned, soft and half hidden behind his forcibly shut lips, but you all heard it and Xavier pulled back.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Caleb frantically apologized with panicked eyes darting back and forth between you and Xavier.

“Don’t apologize, Caleb.” There was still a hint of uncertainty to Xavier’s voice and action, but he knew what he wanted, what you all wanted. So he glanced at you before leaning in to Caleb and they had their second kiss right in front of you. 

You were shocked, dazed and completely in awe at the sight and the need to press your thighs together quickly became rather unbearable as you tried your hardest not to squirm too much in Caleb’s lap. Two hands joined at the bottom of your back, one from each of them, and pressed your hips onto Caleb’s twitching cock. He moaned so beautifully again and you couldn’t fight the smile on your face, Xavier was smiling too but still didn’t let his lips abandon Caleb’s. Their hands kept encouraging you to move and it didn’t take much for you to shamelessly grind against him leaving both of you whimpering messes. Xavier looked far too smug for your liking so you leaned over and began leaving sloppy kisses along his neck forcing him to join your sounds of pleasure. 

As you were losing yourselves to each other exchanging kisses and touches like your lives depended on it, a card lay forgotten on the kitchen counter. A card you had bought with the intention of giving it to Xavier, but in a moment of bravery during breakfast preparations, you decided the card needed to fulfill a broader purpose. Pink and red obnoxiously marbled together with big black letters saying ‘will you be my valentine?’ on the front adorned with your handwritten little ‘s’ and an arrow pointing towards its rightful place.

    ‘Will you be my valentineS?’

AN: Yay, they're finally all together! Thanks for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If anyone is interested in being added to the series taglist, click here 🍎⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @1ren3n @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @tiffydasquirrel @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @feikyuu

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

Every vanquished foe

Chapter 3 - An eternal alliance

Your shoes are uncomfortable, the dress too heavy and your future husband is waiting for you at the other end of the long aisle. His somber expression matches your own as you perform your duties apointed to you by others. Heat rises between you illiciting curses laced with regret. No matter how you feel after being exposed to your new husbands words, the wedding night is upon you and with it comes certain responsibilities...

Prologue ll Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ✦ Xavier x Reader ✦ Word count: 4.5k ✦ Fantasy/royalty au ✦ Arranged marriage, Prince/King Xavier, Princess/Queen reader, angst, comfort, death of parent, panic attacks, seizures, mentions of blood, repressed emotions, strangers to lovers, more to come

The air felt surprisingly light on the rather crisp early autumn morning. The grass was still clinging to its dewy blanket that sparkled like stars in the shy sunlight of dawn. Of course, they could not compare to the real stars that decorated the night sky. 

A weight of uncertainty hovered just above your shoulders. You could tell it was there, lingering, threatening, taunting you because it knew what was coming. Hiding in the mist along the marshes waiting for you to become too comfortable. 

Surely every bride experiences such troubles on her wedding day, yes? No? 

Maybe so…

The day had arrived far too quickly. You had only just gotten Xavier to begin opening up! You wanted more time before the pressure of marriage was placed upon you. 

He had truly made an effort to coexist. There had not been much time to simply converse, but he had been informing you of his plans most days and when he could not deliver the message himself, he would send Andrew to deliver them to you in his place. 

Today was no exception, although a different messenger carried his promises today. One who dared stroll straight into your dressing room where you were surrounded by far too many people who attempted to get you ready for that long walk down the aisle. 

“I have a gift for you, Princess. From the King.” Tara smiled as she appeared in front of you holding a small ornate box. 

It was surprisingly heavy for such a small box, with intricate carwings and details that matched the ones on the King's crown. Inside the box, a delicate necklace rested on plush blue velvet. A thin gold chain adorned with blue sapphires and gold accents. Faithfulness and loyalty, safely carried in an ornate box, reflected in gems that matched his eyes. A promise that did not require words. 

For the first time today, you braved a smile. You carefully took the necklace out of the box to admire it more closely. When the light hit the gems just right, they sparkled the same way his eyes did when the stars watched over him. The previously selected jewelry was quickly cast aside in favour of pieces that better suited the King’s promise. 

A final glance at yourself in the mirror, dressed in white lace and satin with gilded accents and the midnight stars shining around your neck, you felt more hopeful for the future than you had since you were a child still dreaming of fairytales. 

There was nothing more you could do to delay this marriage any further. Being fashionably late was one thing, but any more would simply be rude. It was indeed time to go.

With your father to your right, and your mother already softly sniffling to your left, the doors to the throneroom opened before you. The heavy doors creaked with the weight of all the Kings and Queens who resided in these halls before you were even born. They had arrived to perform a thorough assessment of the woman whose blood was set to join with theirs, tainting their genetics for generations to come. You did not dare consider their evaluation. The thought of bringing a child into this world already weighed too heavy on you. Thinking of what ailments your blood might unknowingly force onto your future descendants would surely break you. 

Shaky legs carefully strode across the embroidered carpet that had been rolled out for this special occasion. Your parents had been rather distant since your arrival in Philos, yet it was their joint strength that now carried you across the floor as they showered you in a familiarity you had greatly missed. They had both apologized to you in the early hours of the morning, for allowing themselves to be so utterly blinded by their duties to Linkon and Philos that they completely neglected their duties to you, their daughter. Not once had you truly resented them for their choices. Although you wished the outcome had been different and that you had been allowed to find love, they had responsibilities beyond keeping their daughter happy. Sometimes, that meant you could not come first. 

There he was. Xavier. Too close, yet still so distant. 

Your parents released you from their grasp and Xavier gallantly took your hand in his. He lifted it gently to his lips before placing a kiss to your gloved fingers. A rather innocent interaction, yet the warmth from his breath carried a sense of intimacy you had not experienced before.  

The officiant spoke and you listened as intently as you were able to until you remembered the countless number of eyes peering into your soul as you stood exposed to their judgemental gazes. Had you been given more time, Xavier’s hand might have been able to bring you a sense of comfort. But you longed for Tara, now more than ever. 

More words tumbled out of the officiant's wrinkled mouth, but your mind had wandered off long ago. A few words stood out to you, something about doctors and sanity, crows and greed. Most of these Philosian oaths made little sense to you… 

“I, King Xavier of Philos, offer my soul to you, so that we may become one. To cherish each other in this life and find each other again in the next.” 

You always wished your husband would be beaming with joy on your wedding day. His love for you would serve as a beacon on cloudy nights, always guiding him back to you. You imagined how he would stumble through the vows, unable to contain the excitement of finally being yours. Perhaps he would even cry when he first laid eyes on you in your big white dress, mesmerized by how beautiful you looked.

None of your fantasies seemed to come true. Xavier was not overjoyed or excited. He looked overcome with guilt and a carefully concealed sorrow that only you could see. If he found your appearance agreeable, he made no effort to show his satisfaction. Why would he? He did not love you, and you did not love him.

Through shaky breaths you managed to repeat the words once Xavier finished. A pretty ring was placed on your finger and a matching one was placed on his. It felt like a practised routine. Void of importance or devotion. 

The officiant spoke again, but you heard nothing. If not for your eyes taking note of Xavier’s lips forming the words, you would have remained silent.

“I do.”

You may kiss your Queen.

Xavier stared at you as if asking for permission. You could not give it to him. You did not want him to kiss you, certainly not in front of all these strangers.

The little girl inside you was screaming and crying for her knight in shining armour to rescue her, only he would ever kiss her. A true love’s kiss. If she was ever going to see Uluru, she needed to find her soulmate. 

Sensing your discomfort, Xavier leaned in so his head covered yours from the scrutinizing gaze of the crowd. To them it looked like a proper kiss, even if his lips barely brushed against the corner of your mouth. 

Whatever hope you had felt in your dressing room this morning had abandoned you sometime during the long walk down the aisle. It was not Xavier’s fault, the severity of the situation simply outweighed the pretty necklace he gifted you. 

He looked devastated. If you did not know any better you might think he would cry. But you did know better, the King would never show ‘weakness’. He would never truly be honest. No matter how many times he claims to not lie, evading the truth was a loophole he frequently abused. 

Xavier took your hand once more and guided you back down the aisle. The walk was even more unpleasant now that you did not have your parents to lean on and the loud cheers from the disruptive crowd enshrouded you like ashes after a fire. It took your breath, soon enough your legs became numb. Xavier shifted his distant hold on your hand to a firmer grip on your arm hindering an imminent fall. 

Once the doors to the throneroom closed behind you, Xavier instantly picked up your shaking figure and carried you to the nearest balcony. His movements led by quiet desperation to bring your weakened body somewhere quiet before prying eyes appeared, eager to get another glimpse of the new Queen.

He gently sat you down on the stone floor before crouching down between your legs. The devastation and sadness in his face was replaced by fear and despair. 

“What do you need?” He desperately questioned.

You could not speak. No words found their way from your mind to your lips. What you needed was Tara and Jeremiah, but even if you were able to convey that message to Xavier, he would have to leave you here alone to find them. 

“Please, breathe. Breathe with me.” The uncertainty he spoke with did not aid you. You needed the cold, pragmatic and emotionless King of Philos. The man on his knees in front of you bared far too much resemblance to an unrecognisable caring husband, who suffered simply because his wife did.

“ H – hold… Weig – weight…” Was all you managed to force out in between strained inhaled breaths.

They were not exactly clear instructions. You intended to tell him to hold your hands tightly in his and force your feet to the ground, like Tara and Jeremiah would do. The swift movements of your new husband who suddenly sat next to you and pulled you into his lap was something you could never have anticipated. 

“Is this ok?” He whispered softly in your ear as he wrapped his arms tightly around your chest. The pressure felt like instant relief. 

His steady breath against your neck and the firm pressure of his embrace ultimately guided you back to a body you once again could recognize as your own. Eventually you relaxed into his chest and allowed your head to fall onto his shoulder. Aching muscles too heavy to carry, simply melted into his firm figure. 

“What happened?” 

“It is an involuntary reaction brought on by extreme fright or overwhelm. I have no control over it. I need some time to recover, after.” A string of gems the color of midnight shimmered atop your delicate collarbone, shifting ever so slightly with your deep breaths. 

Xavier found himself mesmerised by your beauty. He had seen it when you first met, of course, no matter how hard he had tried to remain utterly detached. But there was something strangely enticing about you now being his wife. No rules would need to be broken for him to fully appreciate your physical form to the same extent he had grown to appreciate your mind.

With how your neck was angled he had a clear line of sight to your pulsepoint. If he counted each vibration he would discover it being elevated far beyond a normal resting rate for a woman of your age and build, and it seemed to be accelerating rather than slowing down.

“Are you feeling better, my Queen?” His voice felt like velvet against your tender neck.

Through the remaining haze of your sudden rush of fright, there was a fluttering sensation building deep in your core. Comparable showers of warmth had burst inside you before, and you were vaguely familiar with what it meant, but you were certain this was the first time the sensation was brought on by the pull of just one particular person.  

“Yes.” There was no power to your voice, causing your reply to sound more like a seductive whimper than a confident answer. 

Xavier squeezed his eyes shut and subconsciously tightened his already firm grip on your torso. A welcomed force of muscle that pushed you even closer to his inviting body. Neither of you had been this physically close to another before and you were slowly getting drunk on this new level of intimacy.

“Xavier?” You straightened your head to face him only to discover his forcibly closed eyes and tightly knitted brows.

Spellbinding black holes had almost completely consumed the sapphire blue skies that normally gazed back at you. The warmth spreading through your body told you to let yourself drift into that darkness and offer yourself to him in your entirety. 

You had always been under the impression that a marriage consisted of two people who either loved each other or simply tolerated each other for whatever political reason had brought upon their union. Thus the marital duties of the wedding night would either be a unification of eternal love or a painful act one would have to endure. The two of you fit neither of those categories. 

You craved closeness, with no one but each other, yet it was not love. Had you succumbed to lust barely an hour into marriage? 

“May I kiss you?” His eyes flickered briefly to your lips when you spoke. It looked like he was about to lean in before he abruptly paused.

“I do not think it wise to engage in such activities so publicly. We have overstepped boundaries already, seeming far too comfortable in each other's closeness to make others believe we have not already touched each other."

Even as he attempted to create distance between you, the undeniable arousal inside you would not relent. 

Xavier became very aware of the words he had chosen in an attempt to deter you. He himself fell victim to the imagined visuals of the actions he described.  

“We should head back inside, if you are feeling better. Someone will come looking for us soon and I would rather not be found in a compromising position.” Ever the gentleman, he stands and offers you his hand.

You do not take it. You do not need him to be able to find your feet. At least, not right now. 

“Are you upset with me for not wanting to take you here?” His strong arm blocked your path to the door. “Forgive me for not wanting to consummate our marriage by fucking you on a balcony.”

The vulgarity of his words stunned you. Any simmering desire still lingering in your core was quickly substituted by a boiling anger. No, anger would not be an accurate description. You were frustrated.  

“I never asked you to fuck me, did I? I asked if I could kiss you. While I admit to have been caught in the moment, I would never – I will never be fucked by anyone. Do not blame me for your indecent thoughts, husband.”

The man was too stunned to speak. 

“Do not project your fear of intimacy onto me – “

“ – I am not afraid.”

“Shut it! Stop pretending to be immune to every emotion other than bitter rage. You might have convinced your advisors and most of your knights, but I have already seen the sides of you that dare to feel. You claim to not lie or make promises you cannot keep, yet I catch you doing so almost daily.”

“That is no way to speak to your King.”

“No, it is not. However, these words are for my husband, not the King who harbours his vessel.” Eager to end this pathetic excuse for a conversation, you pushed past him and entered the crowded hall, immediately scanning the sea of people for the two you needed.

Once you found them, you filled them in on everything that had happened. For a moment it looked like Tara was ready to draw Jeremiah’s sword to take down the King herself. With her unmatched skills, she probably could.

Dinner was long and gruesome. The food did not appeal to you in the slightest, everything tasted bitter. Or, perhaps that was the shared stench emanating from you and your ‘beloved husband’. 

You performed to the best of your abilities, keeping up the facade of a blushing bride excited by the prospect of marriage. Dancing, drinking, making pleasant conversation… Even your parents seemed convinced, which was a great relief. This whole charade was mostly to not make them feel even worse about forcing this union upon you.  

Saying goodbye was hard. Linkon is only a day away, but the distance did not matter. You were trapped in Philos until your dying day and beyond, as you would likely be buried on the castle grounds. Right next to the King, forced to haunt each other for eternity.

After scrubbing your skin raw to rid yourself of this awful day, you slipped into your silk nightgown, eager for rest. The cold material clinging to your body was an appreciated intrusion on your flushed complexion. Finally alone, you crawl into the very empty four-poster bed serving as your refuge. Dense stone walls slowly crumbling as you ready yourself to drown in the foreboding storm. 

Knock, knock, knock. 

“Who is it?” You call out.

“It is me.” Xavier… Was he foolish enough to think visiting your chambers tonight would prove to be a fruitful endeavour? 

With a heavy sigh of reluctance you reached for your dressing gown and stomped across the floor to face the inevitable.

Xavier instantly looked away at the sight of you. Unable to meet your gaze without some menacing beast gnawing at his conscience, a clear indication of the guilt he had secretly surrendered to. His room was only a few doors away from yours, yet seeing him in such relaxed attire out in the hallway felt almost inappropriate.

“Good evening, Andrew.” You offered a polite smile to the guard on duty before glaring at Xavier. 

You tapped your fingers against the stone wall impatiently, as you waited for him to speak.

“I am only here to keep up pretences. Will you let me in?” 

“No, I will not.” You exclaim, baffled he would even suggest such a thing.

“I will stand silently by the door with my back to your bed. You may sleep if you wish. I will not stay long.” You stared at him for a while longer, before sighing and apprehensively stepping to the side to grant him entry.

You stroll back to bed and resume your previous position, keeping your dressing gown on, whilst Xavier lingers awkwardly by the door. His weight anxiously shifts from foot to foot in some sort of uncoordinated dance. If not for that foreboding storm still weighing heavy on the air, you might have found his timid movements rather endearing.  

There was no denying your own anxious thoughts and feelings surrounding the prospect of a man in your room, your husband no less. You pulled the sheets firmly up over your chest and clutched both it and your dressing gown tightly, hiding you from his flickering gaze that never seemed to steer in your direction.

“Why are you here, my King?” Although watching him uncomfortably squirm in your presence felt vindicating, you could tell he felt at fault for your current disagreement. There was no need for him to continuously suffer. A part of you pitied him… 

“There are things expected of us on this night and I swear to you, I have no intent to adhere to those expectations. I only wish to avoid gossip…” His strong arms crossed over his chest, shielding himself from your rightfully distrustful tone. “And please, I much prefer when you call me Xavier.”

“Yet you felt the need to scold me for how I spoke to you earlier, even reminding me of your status, my King.”

“And I regretted the words the second they escaped me.” He took a few frantic steps closer to your bed before reaching for your bedpost in search of something to lean on. 

Each tiny crack in his armour slowly spilled the secrets his words kept hidden. Painted streaks of evaded truths and meticulously phrased promises vibrantly danced across his weary figure. Guilt, shame, grief, he felt it all and it was slowly eating him alive. But the cowardly wraith in his subconscious tightened its leash when he got too close to true honesty. Weakness.

“Xavier…” You whispered, your words shaky and timid.

He exhaled deeply as you uttered his name, shoulders dropping as some of the tension they held dissipated. He felt lighter, like your voice had unlocked something inside him and allowed the repressed weight to scatter in the wind.

"Sometimes I feel like you look at me like you have already seen the person I wish I could become. I am afraid you will grow to expect a version of me I do not know how to awaken."

Xavier braved a few more steps toward your partially covered form. He observed you attentively, searching for any sign of discomfort. When no traces of displeasure could be found, he dared seat himself at the foot of your bed.  

“You are as easy to navigate as a labyrinth, husband.” A gentle smile graced your features as your eyes glimmered in the dim candlelight.

Never in your life had you met someone so terrified of his own mind. How much effort and energy it must take for him to constantly deny himself and play the part of the unwavering King. You did not dare expect any particular version of him, you only wanted the one that was real. 

“I never know who awaits me around the next corner. Just as I think I have made some sense of you a heavy fog settles over the maze hiding any possible path forward and I feel lost. But then you dare open up to me again, suddenly illuminating the sky with a light so pure it rivals the moon and stars. I cannot lead a life of trepidation never knowing what lurks just beneath that stoic facade that you wear so beautifully.”

"I cannot care for you, not in the way you wish I could. Not the way you deserve."  He kept his head low, avoiding your poised gaze. 

The brooding apparition shamefully clinging to your bedpost bared little resemblance to the cold King. Instead, you were reminded of an unguarded Xavier shifting between planes of existence, forcing his words through a muzzle of delirium. This time he was not suffering from one of his episodes and let his heavy shields drop, completely lucid. 

"Look into my eyes and tell me that again, Xavier.” With your chin held high you moved confidently toward him, shedding the sheets, settling so close that your knees brushed against his thigh. “Look into my eyes and make me believe that you are not capable of care and devotion.”

He could not do what you asked. Several ways to evade the truth quickly gathered on his tongue, ready to slip out at a moment's notice. Yet, you seemed to already be desensitized to his usual way with words, calling him out on his almost lies far too frequently. 

You took hold of the fist he cradled in his lap, gently prying apart the tense fingers before linking them with yours. Xavier’s hand lay dead in your grasp before he hesitantly welcomed the warmth of your touch and closed his reawakened fingers around you.

He bravely allowed himself time to bask in your beauty and absorb the importance behind every freckle the sun had granted you. Every wrinkle left behind from a lifetime of smiles and laughter. He pondered the origin of each scar and blemish and found himself longing for the stories they held. A brief glance to your soft pink lips brought forth the memory of your question to him on the balcony.

May I kiss you?

Would you ever dare ask him again or had he lost his only chance?

“What the ghost of my father tells me that I cannot and should not do, differs greatly from the needs of my heart and the truths that it already holds. No matter how cleverly I spin my web of carefully selected words to convince others, I will never truly convince myself. Instead of spinning the web, I find myself trapped in it, awaiting a slow and torturous death that I am not ready to face.” He took a deep breath, needing time to process his confession before preparing himself for the next. “I cannot look you in the eyes and convince you that I am not capable of care and devotion…” 

You met his honesty with teary eyes and a gentle smile as your free hand traced idle patterns on his thigh. Before your mind could form the proper words to convey how grateful you were, he shakily whispered the same question that you had asked him a few hours earlier.

“May I kiss you?”

The faintest breath from his whispered plea sent a shiver down to your very core. Your anxious eyes followed his movements as his free hand reached forward to caress your cheek before he gently held your chin between his fingers to keep you steady. He leaned in and you met him halfway, but neither of you dared take the plunge. 

Nervous breaths mingled and sweaty palms clinged to each other like a lifeline. His forehead rested on yours before he courageously tilted your chin up and pressed his lips to yours. 

An indescribable sense of belonging coursed through your veins, reaching deeper and deeper with every timid shift in your joined movements. The hand that once softly traced his thigh had retorted to grasping the tense muscle to help maintain your faltering balance.

His right hand migrated from your chin to the back of your neck, gracing you with its warm pressure, while his left hand never let go of yours. You granted each other the serenity of losing yourselves in the moment, forgetting all about battle, duties and heavy crowns. 

Duty could wait for the break of dawn… 

Like it claimed his mother, death would also come to claim you. Allowing himself to give in to emotions left him open to enemy fire that would cause far more damage than if he had remained detached, like he was supposed to.

Anger is not always a sharpened blade slicing through enemy flesh, littered with memories of blood and warfare. Sometimes it simmers quietly just below the surface, invisible to most others.

But tonight, like so many nights before, the dark called for his sword. Shrouded in darkness, straying far from his new wife’s tempting embrace, he must perform his duties.

Once again the moon is the only witness to his rage as he cuts down the creatures who threaten his kingdom, his home. This time he assures the moon that he does not require its silent company. This time there is another whose need for the moonlight's soothing caress is even greater than his own. And unlike himself, she deserves it.

AN: I wonder if anyone notices the subtle (or sometimes blatantly obvious) references to the other LI's in the stuff I write? It's probably silly, but I think it's really fun to see how many snippets I can sneak in 🤫 Thanks for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If you want to be added to the series taglist click here ⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @spacenott @witchbybirth @marinenox @pixiefaye

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

Every vanquished foe

Chapter 3 - An eternal alliance

Your shoes are uncomfortable, the dress too heavy and your future husband is waiting for you at the other end of the long aisle. His somber expression matches your own as you perform your duties apointed to you by others. Heat rises between you eliciting curses laced with regret. No matter how you feel after being exposed to your new husbands words, the wedding night is upon you and with it comes certain responsibilities...

Prologue ll Chapter 1 ll Chapter 2 ll Chapter 3 ll Chapter 4 ll Chapter 5 ll Chapter 6 ll Chapter 7 ll

✦ Read on ao3 ll Series masterlist ✦ Xavier x Reader ✦ Word count: 4.5k ✦ Fantasy/royalty au ✦ Arranged marriage, Prince/King Xavier, Princess/Queen reader, angst, comfort, death of parent, panic attacks, seizures, mentions of blood, repressed emotions, strangers to lovers, more to come

The air felt surprisingly light on the rather crisp early autumn morning. The grass was still clinging to its dewy blanket that sparkled like stars in the shy sunlight of dawn. Of course, they could not compare to the real stars that decorated the night sky. 

A weight of uncertainty hovered just above your shoulders. You could tell it was there, lingering, threatening, taunting you because it knew what was coming. Hiding in the mist along the marshes waiting for you to become too comfortable. 

Surely every bride experiences such troubles on her wedding day, yes? No? 

Maybe so…

The day had arrived far too quickly. You had only just gotten Xavier to begin opening up! You wanted more time before the pressure of marriage was placed upon you. 

He had truly made an effort to coexist. There had not been much time to simply converse, but he had been informing you of his plans most days and when he could not deliver the message himself, he would send Andrew to deliver them to you in his place. 

Today was no exception, although a different messenger carried his promises today. One who dared stroll straight into your dressing room where you were surrounded by far too many people who attempted to get you ready for that long walk down the aisle. 

“I have a gift for you, Princess. From the King.” Tara smiled as she appeared in front of you holding a small ornate box. 

It was surprisingly heavy for such a small box, with intricate carwings and details that matched the ones on the King's crown. Inside the box, a delicate necklace rested on plush blue velvet. A thin gold chain adorned with blue sapphires and gold accents. Faithfulness and loyalty, safely carried in an ornate box, reflected in gems that matched his eyes. A promise that did not require words. 

For the first time today, you braved a smile. You carefully took the necklace out of the box to admire it more closely. When the light hit the gems just right, they sparkled the same way his eyes did when the stars watched over him. The previously selected jewelry was quickly cast aside in favour of pieces that better suited the King’s promise. 

A final glance at yourself in the mirror, dressed in white lace and satin with gilded accents and the midnight stars shining around your neck, you felt more hopeful for the future than you had since you were a child still dreaming of fairytales. 

There was nothing more you could do to delay this marriage any further. Being fashionably late was one thing, but any more would simply be rude. It was indeed time to go.

With your father to your right, and your mother already softly sniffling to your left, the doors to the throneroom opened before you. The heavy doors creaked with the weight of all the Kings and Queens who resided in these halls before you were even born. They had arrived to perform a thorough assessment of the woman whose blood was set to join with theirs, tainting their genetics for generations to come. You did not dare consider their evaluation. The thought of bringing a child into this world already weighed too heavy on you. Thinking of what ailments your blood might unknowingly force onto your future descendants would surely break you. 

Shaky legs carefully strode across the embroidered carpet that had been rolled out for this special occasion. Your parents had been rather distant since your arrival in Philos, yet it was their joint strength that now carried you across the floor as they showered you in a familiarity you had greatly missed. They had both apologized to you in the early hours of the morning, for allowing themselves to be so utterly blinded by their duties to Linkon and Philos that they completely neglected their duties to you, their daughter. Not once had you truly resented them for their choices. Although you wished the outcome had been different and that you had been allowed to find love, they had responsibilities beyond keeping their daughter happy. Sometimes, that meant you could not come first. 

There he was. Xavier. Too close, yet still so distant. 

Your parents released you from their grasp and Xavier gallantly took your hand in his. He lifted it gently to his lips before placing a kiss to your gloved fingers. A rather innocent interaction, yet the warmth from his breath carried a sense of intimacy you had not experienced before.  

The officiant spoke and you listened as intently as you were able to until you remembered the countless number of eyes peering into your soul as you stood exposed to their judgemental gazes. Had you been given more time, Xavier’s hand might have been able to bring you a sense of comfort. But you longed for Tara, now more than ever. 

More words tumbled out of the officiant's wrinkled mouth, but your mind had wandered off long ago. A few words stood out to you, something about doctors and sanity, crows and greed. Most of these Philosian oaths made little sense to you… 

“I, King Xavier of Philos, offer my soul to you, so that we may become one. To cherish each other in this life and find each other again in the next.” 

You always wished your husband would be beaming with joy on your wedding day. His love for you would serve as a beacon on cloudy nights, always guiding him back to you. You imagined how he would stumble through the vows, unable to contain the excitement of finally being yours. Perhaps he would even cry when he first laid eyes on you in your big white dress, mesmerized by how beautiful you looked.

None of your fantasies seemed to come true. Xavier was not overjoyed or excited. He looked overcome with guilt and a carefully concealed sorrow that only you could see. If he found your appearance agreeable, he made no effort to show his satisfaction. Why would he? He did not love you, and you did not love him.

Through shaky breaths you managed to repeat the words once Xavier finished. A pretty ring was placed on your finger and a matching one was placed on his. It felt like a practised routine. Void of importance or devotion. 

The officiant spoke again, but you heard nothing. If not for your eyes taking note of Xavier’s lips forming the words, you would have remained silent.

“I do.”

You may kiss your Queen.

Xavier stared at you as if asking for permission. You could not give it to him. You did not want him to kiss you, certainly not in front of all these strangers.

The little girl inside you was screaming and crying for her knight in shining armour to rescue her, only he would ever kiss her. A true love’s kiss. If she was ever going to see Uluru, she needed to find her soulmate. 

Sensing your discomfort, Xavier leaned in so his head covered yours from the scrutinizing gaze of the crowd. To them it looked like a proper kiss, even if his lips barely brushed against the corner of your mouth. 

Whatever hope you had felt in your dressing room this morning had abandoned you sometime during the long walk down the aisle. It was not Xavier’s fault, the severity of the situation simply outweighed the pretty necklace he gifted you. 

He looked devastated. If you did not know any better you might think he would cry. But you did know better, the King would never show ‘weakness’. He would never truly be honest. No matter how many times he claims to not lie, evading the truth was a loophole he frequently abused. 

Xavier took your hand once more and guided you back down the aisle. The walk was even more unpleasant now that you did not have your parents to lean on and the loud cheers from the disruptive crowd enshrouded you like ashes after a fire. It took your breath, soon enough your legs became numb. Xavier shifted his distant hold on your hand to a firmer grip on your arm hindering an imminent fall. 

Once the doors to the throneroom closed behind you, Xavier instantly picked up your shaking figure and carried you to the nearest balcony. His movements led by quiet desperation to bring your weakened body somewhere quiet before prying eyes appeared, eager to get another glimpse of the new Queen.

He gently sat you down on the stone floor before crouching down between your legs. The devastation and sadness in his face was replaced by fear and despair. 

“What do you need?” He desperately questioned.

You could not speak. No words found their way from your mind to your lips. What you needed was Tara and Jeremiah, but even if you were able to convey that message to Xavier, he would have to leave you here alone to find them. 

“Please, breathe. Breathe with me.” The uncertainty he spoke with did not aid you. You needed the cold, pragmatic and emotionless King of Philos. The man on his knees in front of you bared far too much resemblance to an unrecognisable caring husband, who suffered simply because his wife did.

“ H – hold… Weig – weight…” Was all you managed to force out in between strained inhaled breaths.

They were not exactly clear instructions. You intended to tell him to hold your hands tightly in his and force your feet to the ground, like Tara and Jeremiah would do. The swift movements of your new husband who suddenly sat next to you and pulled you into his lap was something you could never have anticipated. 

“Is this ok?” He whispered softly in your ear as he wrapped his arms tightly around your chest. The pressure felt like instant relief. 

His steady breath against your neck and the firm pressure of his embrace ultimately guided you back to a body you once again could recognize as your own. Eventually you relaxed into his chest and allowed your head to fall onto his shoulder. Aching muscles too heavy to carry, simply melted into his firm figure. 

“What happened?” 

“It is an involuntary reaction brought on by extreme fright or overwhelm. I have no control over it. I need some time to recover, after.” A string of gems the color of midnight shimmered atop your delicate collarbone, shifting ever so slightly with your deep breaths. 

Xavier found himself mesmerised by your beauty. He had seen it when you first met, of course, no matter how hard he had tried to remain utterly detached. But there was something strangely enticing about you now being his wife. No rules would need to be broken for him to fully appreciate your physical form to the same extent he had grown to appreciate your mind.

With how your neck was angled he had a clear line of sight to your pulsepoint. If he counted each vibration he would discover it being elevated far beyond a normal resting rate for a woman of your age and build, and it seemed to be accelerating rather than slowing down.

“Are you feeling better, my Queen?” His voice felt like velvet against your tender neck.

Through the remaining haze of your sudden rush of fright, there was a fluttering sensation building deep in your core. Comparable showers of warmth had burst inside you before, and you were vaguely familiar with what it meant, but you were certain this was the first time the sensation was brought on by the pull of just one particular person.  

“Yes.” There was no power to your voice, causing your reply to sound more like a seductive whimper than a confident answer. 

Xavier squeezed his eyes shut and subconsciously tightened his already firm grip on your torso. A welcomed force of muscle that pushed you even closer to his inviting body. Neither of you had been this physically close to another before and you were slowly getting drunk on this new level of intimacy.

“Xavier?” You straightened your head to face him only to discover his forcibly closed eyes and tightly knitted brows.

Spellbinding black holes had almost completely consumed the sapphire blue skies that normally gazed back at you. The warmth spreading through your body told you to let yourself drift into that darkness and offer yourself to him in your entirety. 

You had always been under the impression that a marriage consisted of two people who either loved each other or simply tolerated each other for whatever political reason had brought upon their union. Thus the marital duties of the wedding night would either be a unification of eternal love or a painful act one would have to endure. The two of you fit neither of those categories. 

You craved closeness, with no one but each other, yet it was not love. Had you succumbed to lust barely an hour into marriage? 

“May I kiss you?” His eyes flickered briefly to your lips when you spoke. It looked like he was about to lean in before he abruptly paused.

“I do not think it wise to engage in such activities so publicly. We have overstepped boundaries already, seeming far too comfortable in each other's closeness to make others believe we have not already touched each other."

Even as he attempted to create distance between you, the undeniable arousal inside you would not relent. 

Xavier became very aware of the words he had chosen in an attempt to deter you. He himself fell victim to the imagined visuals of the actions he described.  

“We should head back inside, if you are feeling better. Someone will come looking for us soon and I would rather not be found in a compromising position.” Ever the gentleman, he stands and offers you his hand.

You do not take it. You do not need him to be able to find your feet. At least, not right now. 

“Are you upset with me for not wanting to take you here?” His strong arm blocked your path to the door. “Forgive me for not wanting to consummate our marriage by fucking you on a balcony.”

The vulgarity of his words stunned you. Any simmering desire still lingering in your core was quickly substituted by a boiling anger. No, anger would not be an accurate description. You were frustrated.  

“I never asked you to fuck me, did I? I asked if I could kiss you. While I admit to have been caught in the moment, I would never – I will never be fucked by anyone. Do not blame me for your indecent thoughts, husband.”

The man was too stunned to speak. 

“Do not project your fear of intimacy onto me – “

“ – I am not afraid.”

“Shut it! Stop pretending to be immune to every emotion other than bitter rage. You might have convinced your advisors and most of your knights, but I have already seen the sides of you that dare to feel. You claim to not lie or make promises you cannot keep, yet I catch you doing so almost daily.”

“That is no way to speak to your King.”

“No, it is not. However, these words are for my husband, not the King who harbours his vessel.” Eager to end this pathetic excuse for a conversation, you pushed past him and entered the crowded hall, immediately scanning the sea of people for the two you needed.

Once you found them, you filled them in on everything that had happened. For a moment it looked like Tara was ready to draw Jeremiah’s sword to take down the King herself. With her unmatched skills, she probably could.

Dinner was long and gruesome. The food did not appeal to you in the slightest, everything tasted bitter. Or, perhaps that was the shared stench emanating from you and your ‘beloved husband’. 

You performed to the best of your abilities, keeping up the facade of a blushing bride excited by the prospect of marriage. Dancing, drinking, making pleasant conversation… Even your parents seemed convinced, which was a great relief. This whole charade was mostly to not make them feel even worse about forcing this union upon you.  

Saying goodbye was hard. Linkon is only a day away, but the distance did not matter. You were trapped in Philos until your dying day and beyond, as you would likely be buried on the castle grounds. Right next to the King, forced to haunt each other for eternity.

After scrubbing your skin raw to rid yourself of this awful day, you slipped into your silk nightgown, eager for rest. The cold material clinging to your body was an appreciated intrusion on your flushed complexion. Finally alone, you crawl into the very empty four-poster bed serving as your refuge. Dense stone walls slowly crumbling as you ready yourself to drown in the foreboding storm. 

Knock, knock, knock. 

“Who is it?” You call out.

“It is me.” Xavier… Was he foolish enough to think visiting your chambers tonight would prove to be a fruitful endeavour? 

With a heavy sigh of reluctance you reached for your dressing gown and stomped across the floor to face the inevitable.

Xavier instantly looked away at the sight of you. Unable to meet your gaze without some menacing beast gnawing at his conscience, a clear indication of the guilt he had secretly surrendered to. His room was only a few doors away from yours, yet seeing him in such relaxed attire out in the hallway felt almost inappropriate.

“Good evening, Andrew.” You offered a polite smile to the guard on duty before glaring at Xavier. 

You tapped your fingers against the stone wall impatiently, as you waited for him to speak.

“I am only here to keep up pretences. Will you let me in?” 

“No, I will not.” You exclaim, baffled he would even suggest such a thing.

“I will stand silently by the door with my back to your bed. You may sleep if you wish. I will not stay long.” You stared at him for a while longer, before sighing and apprehensively stepping to the side to grant him entry.

You stroll back to bed and resume your previous position, keeping your dressing gown on, whilst Xavier lingers awkwardly by the door. His weight anxiously shifts from foot to foot in some sort of uncoordinated dance. If not for that foreboding storm still weighing heavy on the air, you might have found his timid movements rather endearing.  

There was no denying your own anxious thoughts and feelings surrounding the prospect of a man in your room, your husband no less. You pulled the sheets firmly up over your chest and clutched both it and your dressing gown tightly, hiding you from his flickering gaze that never seemed to steer in your direction.

“Why are you here, my King?” Although watching him uncomfortably squirm in your presence felt vindicating, you could tell he felt at fault for your current disagreement. There was no need for him to continuously suffer. A part of you pitied him… 

“There are things expected of us on this night and I swear to you, I have no intent to adhere to those expectations. I only wish to avoid gossip…” His strong arms crossed over his chest, shielding himself from your rightfully distrustful tone. “And please, I much prefer when you call me Xavier.”

“Yet you felt the need to scold me for how I spoke to you earlier, even reminding me of your status, my King.”

“And I regretted the words the second they escaped me.” He took a few frantic steps closer to your bed before reaching for your bedpost in search of something to lean on. 

Each tiny crack in his armour slowly spilled the secrets his words kept hidden. Painted streaks of evaded truths and meticulously phrased promises vibrantly danced across his weary figure. Guilt, shame, grief, he felt it all and it was slowly eating him alive. But the cowardly wraith in his subconscious tightened its leash when he got too close to true honesty. Weakness.

“Xavier…” You whispered, your words shaky and timid.

He exhaled deeply as you uttered his name, shoulders dropping as some of the tension they held dissipated. He felt lighter, like your voice had unlocked something inside him and allowed the repressed weight to scatter in the wind.

"Sometimes I feel like you look at me like you have already seen the person I wish I could become. I am afraid you will grow to expect a version of me I do not know how to awaken."

Xavier braved a few more steps toward your partially covered form. He observed you attentively, searching for any sign of discomfort. When no traces of displeasure could be found, he dared seat himself at the foot of your bed.  

“You are as easy to navigate as a labyrinth, husband.” A gentle smile graced your features as your eyes glimmered in the dim candlelight.

Never in your life had you met someone so terrified of his own mind. How much effort and energy it must take for him to constantly deny himself and play the part of the unwavering King. You did not dare expect any particular version of him, you only wanted the one that was real. 

“I never know who awaits me around the next corner. Just as I think I have made some sense of you a heavy fog settles over the maze hiding any possible path forward and I feel lost. But then you dare open up to me again, suddenly illuminating the sky with a light so pure it rivals the moon and stars. I cannot lead a life of trepidation never knowing what lurks just beneath that stoic facade that you wear so beautifully.”

"I cannot care for you, not in the way you wish I could. Not the way you deserve."  He kept his head low, avoiding your poised gaze. 

The brooding apparition shamefully clinging to your bedpost bared little resemblance to the cold King. Instead, you were reminded of an unguarded Xavier shifting between planes of existence, forcing his words through a muzzle of delirium. This time he was not suffering from one of his episodes and let his heavy shields drop, completely lucid. 

"Look into my eyes and tell me that again, Xavier.” With your chin held high you moved confidently toward him, shedding the sheets, settling so close that your knees brushed against his thigh. “Look into my eyes and make me believe that you are not capable of care and devotion.”

He could not do what you asked. Several ways to evade the truth quickly gathered on his tongue, ready to slip out at a moment's notice. Yet, you seemed to already be desensitized to his usual way with words, calling him out on his almost lies far too frequently. 

You took hold of the fist he cradled in his lap, gently prying apart the tense fingers before linking them with yours. Xavier’s hand lay dead in your grasp before he hesitantly welcomed the warmth of your touch and closed his reawakened fingers around you.

He bravely allowed himself time to bask in your beauty and absorb the importance behind every freckle the sun had granted you. Every wrinkle left behind from a lifetime of smiles and laughter. He pondered the origin of each scar and blemish and found himself longing for the stories they held. A brief glance to your soft pink lips brought forth the memory of your question to him on the balcony.

May I kiss you?

Would you ever dare ask him again or had he lost his only chance?

“What the ghost of my father tells me that I cannot and should not do, differs greatly from the needs of my heart and the truths that it already holds. No matter how cleverly I spin my web of carefully selected words to convince others, I will never truly convince myself. Instead of spinning the web, I find myself trapped in it, awaiting a slow and torturous death that I am not ready to face.” He took a deep breath, needing time to process his confession before preparing himself for the next. “I cannot look you in the eyes and convince you that I am not capable of care and devotion…” 

You met his honesty with teary eyes and a gentle smile as your free hand traced idle patterns on his thigh. Before your mind could form the proper words to convey how grateful you were, he shakily whispered the same question that you had asked him a few hours earlier.

“May I kiss you?”

The faintest breath from his whispered plea sent a shiver down to your very core. Your anxious eyes followed his movements as his free hand reached forward to caress your cheek before he gently held your chin between his fingers to keep you steady. He leaned in and you met him halfway, but neither of you dared take the plunge. 

Nervous breaths mingled and sweaty palms clinged to each other like a lifeline. His forehead rested on yours before he courageously tilted your chin up and pressed his lips to yours. 

An indescribable sense of belonging coursed through your veins, reaching deeper and deeper with every timid shift in your joined movements. The hand that once softly traced his thigh had retorted to grasping the tense muscle to help maintain your faltering balance.

His right hand migrated from your chin to the back of your neck, gracing you with its warm pressure, while his left hand never let go of yours. You granted each other the serenity of losing yourselves in the moment, forgetting all about battle, duties and heavy crowns. 

Duty could wait for the break of dawn… 

Like it claimed his mother, death would also come to claim you. Allowing himself to give in to emotions left him open to enemy fire that would cause far more damage than if he had remained detached, like he was supposed to.

Anger is not always a sharpened blade slicing through enemy flesh, littered with memories of blood and warfare. Sometimes it simmers quietly just below the surface, invisible to most others.

But tonight, like so many nights before, the dark called for his sword. Shrouded in darkness, straying far from his new wife’s tempting embrace, he must perform his duties.

Once again the moon is the only witness to his rage as he cuts down the creatures who threaten his kingdom, his home. This time he assures the moon that he does not require its silent company. This time there is another whose need for the moonlight's soothing caress is even greater than his own. And unlike himself, she deserves it.

AN: I wonder if anyone notices the subtle (or sometimes blatantly obvious) references to the other LI's in the stuff I write? It's probably silly, but I think it's really fun to see how many snippets I can sneak in 🤫 Thanks for reading! Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If you want to be added to the series taglist click here ⭐️

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze @spacenott @witchbybirth @marinenox @pixiefaye

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊

[colonelkaboom]

My goal is that in the future you won’t be able to tell who’s my main(s) by looking at my masterlist

Masterlist

A prince, a knight & a poet ll Series masterlist ll Read on ao3 ★ ★ ★ Xavier & Caleb, small town au, ongoing series, 29.9k

Every vanquished foe ll Series masterlist ll Read on ao3 ✦ ✦ ✦ King Xavier, royalty au, ongoing series, 8.7k

Lads as love languages – headcanon, 500 Their biggest insecurities – headcanon, 1.1k A morning with him – individual one shots, fluff, 3.1k He finds out he's not your main – crack, drabble Lads as children – crack, drabble Lads in a sauna – crack, drabble Does he know you call me when he sleeps? – Zayne & Caleb, hint of angst, 1.6k

Xavier

First time wearing Xavier's clothes – fluff, 1.7k Calling Xavier when you're drunk – fluff, 650 A letter to Xavier – drabble, angst, 270

Zayne

First time wearing Zayne's clothes – fluff, 1.9k Overstepping boundaries – fluff, hint of angst, 1.7k

Rafayel

First time wearing Rafayel's clothes – fluff, 1.7k I just want to try something – fluff, friends to lovers, 1.5k

Sylus

First time wearing Sylus' clothes – fluff, 1.7k Calling Sylus when you're drunk – comfort, fluff, 600 Under the wings of a dragon – fantasy au, dark themes, comfort, 6.5k 

Caleb

First time wearing Caleb's clothes – fluff, 1.8k Calling Caleb when you're drunk – fluff, hint of angst, 860 Sour Note・Part 1・Part 2 – pre main story timeline, 3.1k To The Core – pre main story timeline, 1.3k Caleb Has A Nightmare – pre main story timeline, 1.2k Our New Normal – fluff, 300 You're turbulence, pip-squeak – pre main story timeline, 1.6k Those stupid red panties! – pre main story timeline, 600 In Caleb’s shadow – pre main story timeline, 800

© Colonel Kaboom – please don't steal my stuff tnx

[colonelkaboom]

And suddenly she never had to face it alone again

[colonelkaboom]

Lads in a sauna

Rafayel: Zayne! Are you melting yet?

Zayne: No.

Xavier: It's so warm in here...

Caleb: What about now, Zayne? Feelin' the burn?

Zayne: I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news; I will not melt. No matter how hot you make it.

Sylus: *smirks*

Xavier: I think I might be melting…

Sylus: You’re just falling asleep.

Rafayel: Don’t let him hit his head!

Caleb: I’ve got him. *evol*

Zayne: Are you satisfied now, boys?

Rafayel: *regret*

Caleb: *shame*

Sylus: Get some rest, my prince. Once you wake up, we will make them pay.

Xavier: Make them pay… for hot pot…

AN: I was thinking about Zayne and Rafayel's evols and suddenly they were all in a sauna lol. Likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreciated! If anyone is interested in being added to the taglist, let me know!

Taglist: @babyx91 @lemurianmaster @morrigan87 @dawnbreakerswife @sylusgworl @seraphimcollections @plzdonutpercieveme @dailydoseofanimeawesome @paneratargaryen4312 @sapphic-daze

Read more ll Masterlist ll Colonel Kaboom 𓂃🖊