#It's about seeing that just because im queer does not mean i have to died like a dog on the streets

[ameba-from-space]

[wra-1-th]

I absolutely adore writing esther + monty's relationship. it's such a fucked up bond that you literally never run out of things to explore.

where did she find him? how are familiars created? had she had any before him? id assume there's magic involved that bonds a witch and their familiar that prevents them from losing one another and allows them to communicate. does monty have traces of esther's magic? is he able to harness it? how long to familiars live? if they're connected to their witches, how long can they live after the witch dies?

had esther taken "donations" from monty before? was he used to sitting on the counter as she took blood or feathers for her potions? when did she start? did she want to get him used to the role of a familiar quite young or did she wait until he was older? was it ever used as punishment? there is so much there.

did he know? did he sit down on the counter prepared to have a feather or two plucked, perhaps a slight pain but nothing he hadn't felt before, of course, and then she tore him apart and there was so much pain that it felt like it was coming from everywhere at once? did he ever see the remnants of his old body?

was he scared, when he looked up at her? when he smiled, because she was smiling at him? he was in this new body that felt so many different things, but he couldn't feel the pain where the needle had dragged twine through his flesh. she didn't see him as anything more than an experiment. when would he realize this?

did she take him clothes shopping? did they break in somewhere? was anything paid for? did she help him, give him suggestions on what to pick out? or did everything come from the back of her closet, from the styles she had long outgrown? did she choose the crow jewelry as a way to remind him of what he really was, or did he find it and want to remind himself? was there any comfort in it?

was she ever proud of him? did she ever think he was doing a good job in fooling the agency? or did she always want him to work quicker, work harder, always putting her plan above everything else?

did she make him queer? is that even something she could have controlled? or did she just tell him to flirt with the boys and it worked out that he was queer? would it have been better if he wasn't? if he hadn't fallen for edwin and hadn't gotten attached?

does he even know what homophobia is? (with the way esther looked two seconds from a hate crime whenever he brought edwin up, id think he has an idea.) but does he know what it means? does he know any terms regarding the queer community? does he even know how he identifies?

did he feel like he could fly again while on the swingset?

why didn't he die when esther did? id think familiars are connected to their witches, to their magic or their lives. were the things esther had done to him so vile that their bond had begun to fray? was he able to find a life for himself that prevented him from dying alongside her?

how does he feel about magic, after everything? would he want to learn? esther had plenty of books, and he taught himself to read. surely he could learn something from them, but would he really want to be involved in that? and what kind of magic would that teach him? does he have esther's magic? would he even want to harness that? would he want to figure out a way to switch between human and crow on his own terms? who would he go to to learn? edwin knows magic, of course, but how awkward would that be? the cat king is a shapeshifter, but a cat and a crow collaborating is a preposterous idea.

would monty want to learn about crows? can he communicate with them, or was he only ever able to speak with esther? crow parents teach their children, but monty's family weren't crows.

I just have so many thoughts about monty and im trying to translate most of them into fic but it's been slow so far. things to think about, I guess. monty deserves so much love and happiness but I will have to angst him first!

[danandphilplay]

game summary: working as a salesman, your boss sends you off to the northern english town of barnsworth to meet with the mayor. your character progresses the storyline by slapping things. after waiting forever to speak with the mayor you get bored and decide to look round the town. by slapping all the locals you encounter you get given side quests to do to help them out. complete side quests by slapping objects

very long yap below im so sorry i really like this game and think dnp would too

im adding this immediately to my list of dnp NEED to play. this along with pikuniku would literally be the best ever. i would never ask for them to play another game if they played either of these. i know the gaming on dapg is sometimes a LITTLE limited,, a little non traditional which i do like however id love if they played a few more games. although it wont happen rn because of tour but in the future,,, maybe.

and this game really does not require a Lot of gaming. its just slap things listen to the storyline slap more things until you get the right thing to move on with the story. slap more things for fun. piku has a bit more in terms of like. beating a robot in a dance battle. which is very dan if we think about ddr

i watched jacksepticeye play this and the humour was veryyy british. like very very yorkshire. all the voice acting was great it really felt like people i know or have met as the characters. very funny. margaret thatcher milk snatcher references. funny and very british

also literally died at the editing of seans vid when one of the characters said how queer and born this way played 😭

also find it funny how there’s different english subtitles,, like one that has all the idioms and slang as it is and then one that changes bits to make them easier to understand. like even the phrase in a right state is subbed as in a real mess which is funny to me. i think dnp would like the humour especially since phil already says phrases which are regional and dan doesn’t always get what it means,, like put you on

also (3x) i need them to slap the rubbish bags until the rats come out and sing. its so dnp

[polaroidcats]

So. Sirius and German (Austrian?) punkrock and antifascist music. I'm thinking about die Ärzte here. Do you see my vision? Thoughts?

YES OKAY I AM SO HERE FOR THIS!!!!

first of all is Sirius german/austrian in this scenario, does he speak german or does he just think it sounds cool and punkrock? Because I am obsessed with him not understanding a word and just going for the vibes, that's hilarious. But I also think he'd deeply love some of the lyrics if he understood them.

May I propose a playlist, and please add to it if you want:

Schrei nach Liebe is such a Sirius song! All the anger? All the feelings? Screaming "Arschloch" at the top of your lungs and moving into air guitar the next second? I rest my case!

Junge is just a song about Regulus Black, you can't change my mind on this (I've had this opinion for 0.5 seconds but I am CONVINCED now). Like at first you might think it's about Sirius because that's the obvious choice and it fits him even better than it fits Regulus, I know. But think about it being from Sirius POV about Regulus??! galaxy brain idea, i'm telling you!! anyways so Sirius loves the song and can relate, in either way.

IF Sirius understands German, he would 100% be the kind of person who drunkenly sings their heart out to Linksradikaler Schlager by Swiss & die Andern. You can hate Schlager all you want, but linksradikaler Schlager is it's own glorious genre. And if you don't know it yet, please do yourself a favor and listen to the entire EP. It might be the best album I own. I mean "Und wir tanzen bei G20 im Wasserwerferregen / wenn sie irgendetwas anpisst / kommt sie um das zu regeln / anti dies anti das / sie hat sich nie angepasst / und sie kämpft für eure Freiheit / aber keiner kämpft für sie / anti dies anti das / sie saß tausendmal im Knast / und sie opfert ihre Freiheit für die Welt die sie so liebt" (Antifa).

Okay so imagine Remus has a date. With someone ELSE who is NOT SIRIUS. And comes back home to find Sirius listening to Alles aus Liebe by Die Toten Hosen on full volume. Like obviously Sirius just needs an outlet for his emotions, he'd never actually act on anything like the lyrics suggest. But sometimes you just gotta be a melodramatic idiot listening to this song, feeling your feelings because he can't tell Remus he loves him out loud (yet) so he just sings along to the song in the privacy of his room and doesn't know Remus is listening in.

I also think Sirius would love Bonnie & Clyde by Die Toten Hosen. Just the general vibes of the song, I think they totally fit his vibe.

One day Remus and Sirius get stoned and Remus finally gets to decide on the music. And he puts on Hurra die Welt geht unter by KIZ&Henning May, and Sirius is obsessed. Not only is Sirius a little bit in love with Henning May(s voice) but he also loves the lyrics. Postapocalyptic vibes is everything these angsty teenagers need.

Okayokay ANOTHER GALAXY BRAIN IDEA!! Queere Tiere by Sookee is a song about the marauders, change my mind (you can't). It's a song about queer animals and homophobia?! OBVIOUSLY they love it and Sirius thinks it's the most hilarious thing ever that THEY ARE queer animals and that there's a song about it.

And Hüpfburg is obviously just another song Sirius can relate to so much. A song about your right-winged extremist family and you questioning their beliefs?! I rest my case.

Obviously Sirius loves everything about Kerosin95. Like, trans Sirius loves Trans Agenda Dynastie, obviously (not just for the JKR slander).

I think Sirius would also love the lyrics to Scheiß auf Ironie by Deine Cousine. (I mean: "Du denkst du bist ein Feminist / Ich glaub du weißt nicht was das ist / nur weil man Frauen gerne leckt / ist das noch lange kein Respekt ?!! ICONIC)

I also think Sirius would have loved Kein Gott, kein Staat, nur Du by Kraftklub feat. Mia Morgan!

I am also a firm believer that Sirius would have been obsessed with Nena and would have loved all of her songs. Like Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann? Sirius knows all the lyrics and his and James' performance of the song in the gryffindor common room is always a treat for everyone involved. And Sirius listens to Nur geträumt on full volume when he's pining after Remus, that's just canon tbh.

Okay this list is already ridiculously long and I kind of swayed away from the original punkrock prompt so if you have any more songs/artists to add to this, please do, this was so much fun!!!

[mermaidsirennikita]

Can you recommend a few books with amazing Fellatio scenes?

For sure!

Thief of Shadows by Elizabeth Hoyt probably still has my favorite historical BJ scene. He cries because it was his first orgasm with another person and that's a Lot; she cries because she's emotional and also because like, you know, gag reflex stuff. They're super close to being caught by people. It's GREAT. Tbh though, Elizabeth Hoyt writes generally solid to great ones.

I mean, let us also not forget the scene in Duke of Pleasure wherein the hero is like "oh no the bad guys are about to catch us" so she just starts blowing him to make it look like she's a street wench or whatever they're trying for, and once the guys leave he's like "okay you can stop". And she. Does. Not.

New Camelot by Sierra Simone has several of my favorite BJ scenes. Most likely the "blindfold 'im with a novelty Mount Rushmore tie and go down on him to express your *eternal* gratitude" blow job is the best one, but I also really love the "the mighty Maxen Colchester has a gag reflex" [*cut to the mighty Maxen Colchester glaring balefully*] scene.

Naturally, Sierra's Salt Kiss has great scene in this context, and her Thornchapel series has some of the most "this is sinning" fellatio scenes I'e ever read. Like. The one where they're spit-roasting a priest is honestly not the most sinful BJ in that series. And speaking of that, her book Saint has an amazing scene in which ex-boyfriends, one of whom is a current monk, act out a "I'm a naughty monk and you're tempting me" fantasy BJ in like, the great outdoors lmao.

Mila Finelli's Kings of Italy has great ones. Like, full "you look so pretty like this" scenes, smudged makeup, love it.

Act Your Age by Eve Dangerfield literally begins with the heroine blowing her boss while calling him daddy without realizing that it is, in fact, her boss.

Give Me More by Sara Cate is an MMF romance with a couple of truly iconic blow job scenes, including hits like "giving my best friend head in the dark" and "my best friend goes down on me after his wife decks my dick out with whipped cream".

All of the Mackenzie brother books by Jennifer Ashley have good ones, but Lady Isabella's Scandalous Marriage probably has my favorite in the series because Mac is a Whiny Squirmy Hero.

Kennedy Ryan writes great ones in her All the King's Men duology--including one with the thing we don't see enough of in m/f romance novels (heroes getting their asses fingered).

Oh SPEAKING of that there's an amazing BJ scene in Kristen Callihan's The Friend Zone that includes the same thing. The man almost like, dies.

Cate Sebastian's The Queer Principles of Kit Webb has one of my favorite BJ scenes because Percy is a throat goat who happens to be going down on a man who's afraid of hurting him so he has to be like "YOU UNDERESTIMATE MY POWER" about it.

Grace Callaway's books are generally great in this regard. I once compared an enthusiastic but inexperienced Grace Callaway heroine trying to go down on her hero to someone attempting the chubby bunny challenge. And I'm correct there, and boy do their heroes love it (while also being like, "she's objectively kinda bad at this").

Joanna Shupe's books usually have good fellatio scenes (oh, and she's also Mila Finelli). The Duke Gets Even and The Devil of Downtown especially win out in this regard.

[zephyruswrites536]

Right so imagine Jon decided to actually look into Jonah and Smirke and Peter(Mordechai) and Simon

(this is what my brain came up with- if this isn’t exactly how they’d talk don’t blame me it’s more like incorrect quotes where it’s vaguely around the character)

*Jonah walks past Jon’s office to just check for a second and sees a board with his name up on it*

Jonah: Hello, Jon?

Jon: Oh- Elias, sorry it’s a bit of a mess

Jonah: No worries! I just wanted to… see what you were up to, what’s this?

Jon: I see- well I thought the Lukas’, Magnus, Fairchild, Smirke, Albrecht, Dr. Fanshawe… they were all interesting- seen as it’s the beginning of the institute that they pop up in so, I thought it would be interesting to learn more about them.

Jonah: Alright, And?

Jon: Well, the people don’t have much history other than landmarks, like the institute, Moorland Manor, all of Smirke’s construction, the manor Albrecht’s nephew… if I remember correctly? Anyways, they aren’t historically that relevant- other than for the fears

Jonah: Right. Is that all, then?

Jon: Umm… Kind of?

Jonah: What does that mean.

Jon: Well, i looked more into the wording and manner and such of the statements they are in or wrote and.. their relationships are quite- queer, in both senses

Jonah: …Pardon?

Jon: You reading Barnabas’ statement to Jonah was- quite endearingly wrote- I understand most of them said “Dear Jonah” but the fact that he’s relying on Magnus and doesn’t just use Jonah for urgency is odd to say the least, let alone the fact Magnus then went to get his bones after he’d died…

Jonah: … I suppose-

Jon: And! You said he was on good terms with Mordechai Lukas? What good terms? It’s very vague- and suggests things- especially if what I’m imagining Bennet’s relationship with Magnus entails.

Jonah: … I- … Perhaps.

Jon: And! The fact Smirke wasn’t outright done with Magnus after Jonah betrayed him was something I don’t think most people would do… That implies things- Especially seeing Magnus, and the things he did.

Jonah: Fair enoug- what? What about Jonah Magnus implies things?

Jon: He- Well look at him- he’s in your office:..

Jonah: I-…

Jon: Anyways- Im starting to believe Jonah had a harem of his associates..

Jonah: . . . How.

Jon: Albrecht and Clara would not care that much- Neither would Jonathan be that upset- Smirke, Mordechai, and Barnabas I already explained… Oh- Simon! The Fairchild family isn’t much connected to the Vast except for him and his niece?

Jonah: I’m not understanding why you chose to-… do- this.

Jon: I divulge in my interests, the eye certainly would like to know…

Jonah: About that?

Jon: I’d think so- I forgot the Dark’s person which I’m sure is now Maxwell Rayner because of the body hopping the Dark’s avatar can do…

Jonah: I… Alright, Jon- I could get you a statement?

Jon: No, thank you- I think I’ll keep doing this.

Jonah: Did- Jon, I suggest that you stop focusing on Georgian Era Drama. *Intense glare*

Jon: Oh- O- K…

(If this doesn’t make sense… I like to think Jonah had a harem of his friends/colleagues/associates… a lot of people think this way too- I think… anywayssssssss)

[autisticblueteam]

Appears from the ether again, after months of only being present enough to fill my queue up, with some WIP snippets from the gen:LOCK re-write I mentioned before...

And also finally adressing these tags lmao, sorry @thesouppond I realise these are like 3 months old.

#FUCK IM JUST SEEING THIS NOW???#FUCK YEAH 2024 SEASON OF EVERYONE GETS TO REWRITE GENLOCK CAUSE FUCK S2#Ahem anyway hi genlock moot :)))#I love your writing btw! Ive read your existing GL fics theyre great!#at this point if someone can give me a GL fic i havent already met I will forever be indebted to you i am DYING for GL content

We're really out here trying our best to do better by GL than HBO did huh!! I've been loving Reloaded, it was so nice to see someone else pop up in the gL tag after it was comparatively dead for so long. I've been working on my re-write since just after s2 came out and it was lonely in there for a while there lmao.

So I'm glad you enjoyed the couple of fics I've already done! I'm re-using parts of one of them for the actual re-write since I'm going for the 'keep the basic bones of s2 but aim to fix the execution into something less shit/re-work the worst bits' and I didn't want to write that first nemesis fight over again from total scratch lmao...

I want to finish writing all of the re-write before I post it in full, but that does mean it's taking forever whoops.

I'm still not past the introduction of Sinclair as his portion is so involved and I keep getting distracted by other projects/hobbies, but I did finally get to a point where my take on Sinclair is actually fun to write! I'm keeping his boyfriend because I did at least like that Sinclair was made canonically queer and they're actually cute when I'm just doing my own thing.

So since I feel like posting some WIP bits, here's my favourite Chris/Sinclair stuff I've done so far.

“YEAH! Take that you fucked up tin can!” Sinclair winced. The shout was like an ice pick being driven into his skull, but it was also what finally drove him to lift his head. There ahead of him, wielding a large piece of debris in one hand, was a heavyset Asian man dressed in torn clothes and covered in grime. He reared back, and for a split second Sinclair thought that projectile was for him, until he heard an impact, and the last of the humming died. The man brushed off his hands, pride written on every feature, and in that moment he was the most beautiful thing Sinclair had ever seen. “Coast’s clear!” the stranger called behind him. There was movement, but Sinclair didn’t care to look, his attention caught by the man’s approach. “And we’ve got a live one.” Sinclair’s throat was so dry he broke down coughing twice, in the time it took the stranger to kneel in front of him. “I-I’m not Union. I-I know— with the uniform, and the—” Another violent burst of coughing cut him off. The stranger handed him a canteen and a crooked smile. “Yeah, no shit. You’ve got way too much emotion on your face to be even a defector,” he said, and if Sinclair wasn’t so busy chugging the offered water, he might have mustered a laugh. “That, plus, the lack of helmet, the collapsing, and the drone getting ready to turn you into a novelty cheese grater kinda gave it away.” “Christ, I could kiss you right now,” Sinclair blurted and then regretted in quick succession. Fuck. He’d been in near solitary too long, his filter had worn away to nothing and he was making a damn fool of himself in front of the first sane people he’d seen in weeks. Except the stranger just… laughed, good-naturedly. “Close, the name’s Chris, not Christ. And I’d say buy me dinner first, but it’s a bit hard out here.”

AND then a little later...

“What about the refugee railroads?” Chris lowered his beer bottle and wiped his mouth. “Too far.” “Vanguard safe crossings?” “Too far.” “The— fucking Canadian border?” Chris laughed, “Too far. Further than either of the other things. Jesus, dude. You sure you haven’t got a concussion?” “Mostly,” Sinclair said, rubbing his face with his intact hand. “I just— you’re going to die if you stay here. A drone only has to get lucky once.” “And if we go deeper in, we’ll only die faster,” Chris said with a simple shrug. “We already have to pack up and move every few weeks when the line moves. And every time, the Polity border gets a little bit further away. Believe me, man, I want nothing more than to get outta here, but it’s just not happening.” “What if I helped?” The offer fell out before he’d consciously decided to make it, but Sinclair stood by it. Even when Chris looked at him dubiously. “No offence, dude, but you’re just one guy. And two days ago you could barely stand.” “And now I’m fine,” Sinclair insisted. “I’m a soldier. I was decorated for valour after I got my squad out of a run-in with the Union that should’ve killed us all. I was the only one who could even still hold a gun. I swear, I could get you somewhere safe. Are you really telling me you’d rather keep sitting around waiting to die than take a risk?” Chris’s brow furrowed, and he didn’t answer immediately, taking another swig from his scratched up bottle of beer. Sinclair sighed. “Look. I need to get to a Vanguard base one way or another. I don’t want to leave you guys behind if I don’t have to. I owe you my life. And maybe dinner.” Chris almost choked on his drink. “Wow,” he laughed, clearing his throat, “you sure pick your moments, huh?” Sinclair shrugged. “Figure if you’re not actually into it I’ll just blame the concussion.” “That you don’t have.” “Exactly.” Chris rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “Smooth. Smooth operator. Alright, alright, fine, we’ll talk to the others in the morning. It might be a tougher sell when they’re not the ones getting dinner with a hot soldier out of it, but hey, guess we’ll see.” “Are you looking past the just-got-done-being-tortured chic, here, or is that part of the charm?” “Are you kidding? There’s a whole genre focused on how hot soldier guys look after they’ve been through hell.” “Not sure that’s the intended takeaway of action movies.” “Well,” Chris shrugged, starting to pick at a can of food, “it was definitely my takeaway.” Sinclair laughed. Honest-to-god laughed, in a way he was surprised he was even capable of after the last few weeks. The normality of the moment was like a balm on all the aching parts of him, mental and physical alike. For a moment he could almost forget that the reason he looked like shit was because he’d just escaped the worst experience of his life. For a moment it felt like the fight was over.

Now I just have to actually get through the remainder of my Sinclair set-up and then I'll be only one chapter away from finishing the first half of the fic... so close and yet so far lmao.

[pinkanonwrites]

(part 2. now featuring me rambling about a Modern Triguns hc i have)

okay so im Native American and i do think, in my hc (not yours. wanna reiterate that i am saying this for Fun Conversation and not to convince you of shit), i really like the idea of Vash and Knives being either surrounded by Indigenous American influence (people who are non-Indigenous can live on our reservations, maybe Rem is Indigenous and is cross-racially fostering them, i dunno) or Vash and Knives are white-passing Indigenous Americans themselves (i say "white-passing" bc i know their creator is Japanese but also Vash and Knives are pale-skinned, blue-eyed, blond boys so im assuming they are white? but some Japanese people could be mixed, that's true. i dont know enough about Trigun to know ethnicity canon/fanon, i just know "ah!!! they might be blond and blue-eyed, but i see Me in them!" so. headcanon. anyway)

and i say that bc a huge part of a pan-Indigenous culture (not that we are a monolith to generalize, theres so many fucking tribes and specific tribal cultures, but you get what i mean) is focused on the enviroment and our interconnectedness to it, ontop of our history of being genocided against up until the last Indian Residential School closed down in 2007 and we had our right to practice our culture given to us in 1978 (so 1978 is actually when American achieved religious-freedom) and now we are facing various Indigenous protective laws being disbanded in the U.S.-- it's easy for any marginalized group, esp ethnicities, to see relatability in the Plants. like, the Americas were founded with the blood of Black and Indigenous people. but also many other cultures have faced similar experiences. so i do think its easy to project any marginalized culture that has suffered onto Plants. its just also cool to be like "yo, my culture is very much based on protecting and understanding the enviroment, and this fictional group is called PLANTS? hell yeah, easy projection" but like. we arent the only culture that does that. so i dont think Indigenous Americans are special any form of projecting ourselves with Plants/Trigun. i just also AM Indigenous American and also AM projecting. so. im biased

and i am, in fact, doubly biased bc my Indigenous American father was a BIG fan of westerns, something Knives loves. my dad loved them bc He Is Very Old (im talking "my dad was 60, close to 70 when i was born" old. my mother is his second wife and they met when she was 40. so i was "wow thats late to have a baby, but not SUPER dangerous") and, though things have gotten slightly better since he was my age but uh.. the reason why he liked old westerns so much was because that WAS the only place where he could see people like him on-screen. even tho they died half the time. and were often racist. highly recommend the documentary "Reel Injun" if you would like a summary on how Indigenous people have been depicted on film, it is very funny for a documentary lmao but anyway, yes, this does also mean my dad was a Twilight fan. he watches those movies all the time (even tho they are ALSO racist against us, but its still really funny to say my dad is a Twi-hard lmao). and my dad wasnt alone in being like that, a LOT of Indigenous people my age (mid-20s) grew up with old western movies and whatnot bc it was the only representation we had for a long time, even moreso for any generation older than us. i can still hear "John Wayne's Teeth Hey-a, Hey-Hey-a" a'la the 90s movie, Smoke Signals, being chanted in my mind lmao

so Knives' lil "bang, bang" and how much he loved old west content made me feel especially seen lmao so i like the idea of him and Vash either being raised in an Indigenous culture by Indigenous people or being Indigenous themselves and being raised by Indigenous people. it brings me joy ♡ especially the latter, bc, tho im not blond and blue-eyed, i am white-passing. people assume i am white until i "out" myself (im also queer, i label myself as Two-Spirited actually, so i am using the verbage "out" knowingly lmao). i grew up hating my pale skin and my monolingual tongue, because that meant i looked like a colonizer and spoke the colonizer's langauge (and i, unfortunately, dont have the kind of brain that absorbs second languages well. at all. damn you auditory processing disorder lmao rip). i wanted to look more like my Indigenous relatives, and less like my white mother who married into our culture. and i see Knives' hatred of Plants' oppressors, and with the modern au and my hc of Indigentity and my personal history of struggling with self-hatred, and i see reflections of myself in him

and like. Knives' desire to kill all humans isnt translatable in a contemporary context, really. i dunno what job i would want my hc of him to have. you could argue he would be on the side of the extremeists in protesting, But Equating A Genocidal Character To A Contemporary Protestor feels.. bad lmao thats an understatement. but like. yeah, i do hc my personal modern au Knives to be a Land Back protestor, and i think Vash would agree actually. but im biased bc i support that movement too lmao i think the fact that Knives is so untranslatable to a modern context in all his variety adds to the tragedy of the Trigun/Trimax/Trigun Stampede/what-have-you narrative. i think modern au Knives might be antagonistic and a nag (or i could empathize with seeing him as modern cult-leader, tho thats irrelevant to this conversation. just bc i can empathize with it, doesnt mean i would ever create content of it or have it as my hc. cults are serious stuff people shouldnt trivialize and i dont have any experience with them, but if people want to vent out their feelings about cults using a modern Knives au?? i can understand that, im using him to project and vent too afterall lmao) to his brother, maybe be estranged, but overall i think the rift between them would be easier to breach than in the canon

i just find modern au Knives to, at least have the capacity to be, more sympathetic than his canon counterparts in all their variancies. he's fun to stretch around and play with lol

anyway, thanks for making a space where i felt welcomed to talk about Trigun modern hcs with you. i cant wait to see what you make. and, again, this was NOT an endorsement for you to follow me at all in this hc, i completely get (1) people have their own hcs of what Knives and Vash's ethnicities may be in a contemporary world and (2) that other people's modern au stories might not even feature disclosing an ethnicity. i just loved your excitement and wanted to spend part 1 engaging with you with your possible hcs, and part 2 sharing mine. i hope i worded all of this in a way that makes sense. thank you again ♡

Ooh, I really love your hcs! I'm always a little hesitant to do any in-depth headcanoning about the intricacies of racial minorities because I'm a very white person myself (a quarter Korean technically, but a blue-eyed blondie nonetheless), so it's really cool to read in-depth and interesting takes from people who obviously have a better scope on the ins and outs than I would!

I agree that Knives's genocidal nature isn't really easy to translate to a modern era. He's a tough guy to nail down! In my head at least, he's more of a nihilistic environmentalist while Vash is an optimistic one. I see him working in a very white-coat, laboratory, scientific field when it comes to conservation, he just strikes me as a scientist type. Him and Vash don't always see eye to eye on everything, and oftentimes he thinks he has to protect Vash because his brother is far too forgiving to the world, no matter how cruel it's been to him. But Vash doesn't want to be coddled either, he's not naive. He's making a conscious effort every day to choose to see the good in the world around them, and for one reason or another Nai just can't wrap his head around that.

He still loves his westerns though, I'm definitely keeping that. Nai was glued to Vash's stream when he was playing through Red Dead Redemption 2, no matter how much he says he doesn't care for video games.

I really liked reading your headcanons too, so thanks for reaching out! If you ever end up wanting to write anything longform that takes place in your modern AU, be sure to link it to me!

[blu3m4rz]

so buddy daddies has ENDED (i know i’m heartbroken too)

and i wanted to share my THOUGHTS

buddy daddies spoilers :)

OKAY FOR ONE? LIFE PARTNERSHIP OF ALL TIME

guys this is NOT queerbaiting if i see one more person saying this is queerbait i’m going to start hissing and biting. you want to know what queerbaiting is? it’s a marketing strategy that hints at lgbt rep to draw in queer audiences. you want to know what queerbaiting is not? the depiction of non-nuclear family dynamics that don’t fit into your idea of “queer”. it DOES NOT MATTER that kazuki is seeing women lolol. it does not matter that they don’t kiss. it doesn’t matter that they don’t have some grand confession of romantic love. you can think kazuki & rei should kiss idc im not going to stop you - that’s a perfectly reasonable interpretation. but thats what it is: your interpretation. there was no “oooooooooh theyre going to KISS” - buddy daddies is a completely earnest depiction of a non-typical family and if you’re getting pissed about “queerbaiting” you COMPLETELY missed the message about how family doesn’t have to “look/be a certain way” even though buddy daddies basically beats you over the head with its themes (affectionate). queerness =/= alloheteronormative relationships lolol. if i’m being honest with you - even if you think they “hinted at queerness to draw in queer audiences” i think they followed through. these two dudes are running a cafe together and raising a kid together and living together permanently, thats queer as hell, just because it doesnt fit into a perfect box of L G B or T doesnt mean it isnt queer.

ANYWAYS RANT OVER: my actual thoughts:

I LOVE THE NEW HAIR AT THE END oh my god they’re moving on they’re growing up

um the part with miri and her moms photo OH MY GOD real its so important to me like YES her mom is still part of her life even tho a. shes gone and b. shes being raised by her dads

UGHHHH as a certified aromantic lolol i am extremely normal about rei and kazuki’s relationship. like yeah okay go on just model everything ive ever wanted yeah okay thats great yeah just punch me in the gut why dont you

WHEN REI SHOT HIMSELF? like was willing to potentially lose his arm in order to never go back to that world and protect his family LIKE

also kyu being like ‘lmao no’ when kazuki asked him to get a present for miri if they died is a. very special to me and b. funny as hell because kyu is not fooling ANYBODY we all know you got miri a gift lololol

[gayleviticus]

Alphonse Elric or Wrath (03) for the ask game :)

ALPHONSE ELRIC

favourite thing: I love how nice and gentle and sweet he is despite everything going on, but also in 03 how he has this anger and almost self disregard bubbling as time goes - when he's captured by envy thinking he should have died so many times in the past, when he tries to rip wrath arm off to give it to ed, when he recklessly sacrifices himself to try and save ed

least favourite thing: I feel like cos shortchanges him way too much. we get such a compelling insight into ed throughout the whole series even if much is implicit, but cos doesn't really reckon with either al losing his memory and how he feels about that or have time to deal w him regaining it and what that means for him and ed. and I get it's prob partially intentional because amnesiac al feeling more unknowable deliberately alienates us from him - he genuinely feels different, and we have to wonder if the recklessly cheery attitude is a facade to cope w missing ed. but nonetheless it feels like cos kindve demotes al from the co protagonist position he had throughout the series

favourite line: not fav for any deep content but i love the delivery - the bit in cos where ed lands in the armour pile, sees a helmet that looks just like al - and then its eyes light up and you hear a 'niisan..? NIISAN!!'

brotp: ed and al!!!! I love their relationship so much it is so deep and powerful. but also scar and al is such a nice duo - the way scar vicariously lives through the elrics brotherly love because he regrets letting his crush on human lust get in the way of telling his brother he loved him 😭 also al/wrath post COS bc the film left so much of their relationship unexplored and I need to know

otp: I think al/fletcher could be kindve cute. al/wrath too - I know some ppl find it icky bc of wrath viewing sloth as his mama but I feel like aside from the sloth/trisha distinction it doesn't really create a brotherly relationship btwn the elrics and wrath. and im just as content w it as a brotp too anyway so

random headcanon: not cis and not straight - being trapped in a body you don't recognise and feeling cut off from really living and engaging w the world is dripping w queer subtext! more specifically I like nonbinary gay al but I can really see it going in any direction. (altho I can't think of any girls I would want to ship him with in 03 or fmab)

unpopular opinion: uhh... I don't know how unpopular it is but him and mei as a couple in fmab does not make sense to me lol

song: currently I literally only listen to fma ops lol so I can't answer

fav pic: this is a tough one.... but

WRATH (03)

fav thing: he is just such an interesting addition into the gaps of the source material?? making izumis baby who she tried to transmute into a homunculus is soo interesting even just in a meta sense, and the whole parent child switcheroo between sloth/izumi and wrath/elrics is so good

least fav things: I need to know more about him post COS and his relationship w al and winry and izumi!!!! especially since he was one of the few people who really knew wtf was going on down in the underground city along w rose

fav line: 'she was your mama too' when the elrics kill sloth. brutal

brotp: as above him and al but also I'm dying to know what his dynamic w winry was. and come to think of iit envy too honestly

otp: al/wrath ig (per the disclaimers above) but aside from that idk lol who do you ship him with

notp: I guess like with any adult I just don't like those kinda pairings. sloth w izumi would be especially yuck

random headcanon: he likes cats too. idk. just popped into my head

fav picture of them: DO I HAVE WRATH PICTURES? I'm sorry... my folder is dominated by the elrics... lemme see... I have this shot from the 4th ED lol

[sickly-sapphic]

1-35your evil:)

First of all *you're Second of all maybe this was my plan all along

What is your nickname? Willa IS a nickname - it's derived from my last name. Apart from that I have 7 nicknames.

When is your birthday? 6th of August!! Just had it - and it ended up being a weeklong event :D

What was your longest relationship? My current one, which is almost a year and a half.

What is your favorite book? Loveless by Alice Oseman

What is something you're insecure about? Hmmm, my weight/size. Been bullied for it since I was like 4 😭

5 Male celebrity crushes I don't get crushes, I tried to answer but everytime I was just listing guys I know

5 Female celebrity crushes Again I dont get crushes but I will never turn down a movie with Florence Pugh

What is your dream job? I simply don't dream of labour. I would like to run a queer cafe that doubles with free sex ed info. I also wouldnt mind doing ASMR as a career I just don't have the tools really.

What do you consider your biggest accomplishment? Uhmm, being happy.

What is a fact about you that nobody would believe? There was a few years where I was somewhere on the goth/emo spectrum. I don't think it's particularly shocking but I've very quickly gotten a reputation for being a pink princess so...

What were your highs and lows for this last month? Highs - I got a huge plushie the size of my body, heartstopper s2, shopping spree, the Barbie movie Lows - a whole heap of medical shit relating to me and ppl im close with, depressive episodes, burying my cat

Where is somewhere you'd like to visit? I'm honestly not a travel person, I guess I wouldn't mind diving somewhere though.

How do you de-stress? Yoga, sunbathing, baking, crochet, gay things, making art, and reading.

What are your favorite apps besides tumblr? Gratitude Journal, PocketLove and MyPossibleSelf. Social media wise I don't mind Pinterest and Insta but there are almost always things I don't wanna see showing up on my dash.

Describe yourself in one sentence. Hot<3

What do you think makes you attractive? Stomach, thighs and shoulders. I've also been told my worldview is v attractive.

What is something you're really good at? Self love babey.

What is something you're really bad at? Baking red velvet cake.

A time that you told a lie. I lie when asked if there's anything that could prevent me from doing xyz.

What's a totally random and useless fact that you know? Nico Di Angelo smells like stone after rain.

Who knows you the best? My boyfriend.

What is your most prized possession? My phone - it has hundreds of photos I wouldnt be able to replace, poetry, songwriting, journalling and its how I stay in contact with long-distance friends and old school/work friends.

What is your longest friendship? Man idk. Friendships often dip, almost all of my friends have had a few years where we weren't friend inbetween things.

When did you first feel like an adult? I felt like an adult before I was ever allowed to feel like a kid so like. always.

Do you/ Have you played any sports? So many! Soccer, touch football, dance (various types), figure skating, I tried boxing once, karate. Currently I don't play sports, I'm more of a yoga, pilates and skateboarding kinda guy.

How are you feeling right now? Kinda in-between. Don't feel completely zoned in-

Are you an early bird or a night owl? Early bird.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes, because there's about a thousand kinds of love.

Favorite song lyrics right now? "sexy girl come and lay with meeee, im frustrated and its sexually" from Sexy Drug - Falling in Reverse. It's such a good song to scream the lyrics to

What does self care look like for you? It entirely depends on the day - it can be watching a film, going on a walk, buying a little treat, dressing up fancy or some form of working out.

Describe yourself with 3 singers. Taylor Swift, Melanie Martinez, Doja Cat.

What makes you nervous? Pretty people.

What’s a pet peeve you have? People that are mean to be funny.

What will always make you cry? Show Me Going from Brooklyn Nine Nine, also Grimace being sad and never wanting to have a birthday again bc of the grimace shake trend :[ Tearing up rn thinking about it.

What kind of first impression do you think you make on people? It's literally never the same impression. I feel like shy and quiet is probably the main one but sometimes it'll be loud and chaotic, charmismatic and funny, I've also gotten told I'm confident a lot which is wild.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

mega mega fumin'

ok yall so ive been in college for a week and two days (everybody clap) its been fun, most of the ppl here are queer and ppl are very nice, my classes are going well so far :))))))))

and ive been watching tua s4 as a part of my nightly routine while i redo my hair for bed.

and um

i combed my hair for the week today while finishing the season and i have some thoughts on the matter.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY SEASON 4 UNDER THE CUT

what in the everloving fuck was that

i already want to rewrite the lorax in a very dark manner after listening to biggering but that??? THAT?????? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??????

HE NEEDS TO COUNT HIS FUCKING DAYS WHO WAS IN THE GODDAMN WRITING ROOM IM THROWING CHAIRS AND TABLES, FUCK A HAND

the romance plotline was ass and wasnt in character AT ALL, i dont see it as a part of reality that exists, both for five and also lila.

lila is not that shallow of a woman or a mother to just do that, i think we all know that she cares a hell of a lot about her marriage with diego AS WELL AS HER FUCKING CHILDREN than to do something like that. even with her entire chaos personality and potentially using people, she would NOT go that far because her love for her family does not outweigh 7 years of no dick.

and five is quite literally one of the most intelligent characters in the series (it shouldve been him and dolores). nothing could ever convince me that he would fall in love with his BROTHER'S WIFE and feel no immediate remorse towards it, once again, 7 years or 7 fucking decades, please leave your complaints in my vacuum of "i dont give a fuck".

i actually liked ben and jennifer as characters interacting. if we take out the marigold and durango wimey shit, i wouldve loved to see them be in love and interact with each other as is. i think he deserves nice things. also since its literally been two years since i watched season 3 bc i watched it one, during a really shitty ongoing OCD episode and two, because i thought it was an "ok" season. (almost said bad, but we now know our standards were much much too low). there was also a point in which i thought that ben and jennifer were connected bc she came out of a giant squid (in which wtf), and ben has tentacle powers??? idk its odd to me too, don't worry.

reggie i hope you choke asshat, as well as you and your wife. at first i thought homegirl was a bootlicker but no i cant really call her that. she was fr like "well it was my death, you chose to bring me back fuck u hubby" erm yeah that was definitely something, viktor you shouldve killed him when you had the chance honey. also i blame reginald for that shit, he was the goddamn anomaly, not the entire umbrella academy???? at first i thought five blinking into the apocalypse all those years ago was the anomaly, but nooo we're gonna blame the abuse victims. *rolls eyes*

more about him um his entire "im gonna bring her back" shit was giving gendo ikari (for those of you who don't know, gendo ikari is an antagonist and key character in the anime neon genesis evangelion, in which he was a miserable fuck and loved his wife so much he killed the entire world to see her again, then that didnt even happen). him taking the shot on the ben and jennifer amalgamation which in the end triggered the cleanse???? that was weird to me. like him being an asshole wasn't weird, that's already been established, but their death and recombination just triggering an event that severe???? wild, still kinda confused.

the only way i could see raymond walking out on allison is if she really, and i mean REALLY fucked up. but given everything that she has done in the past, i think she learned her lesson. raymond would never, i wouldve preferred him to have died off-screen than to have walked out bc???? anyway moving tf on.

i enjoyed klaus a lot this season bc hes my favorite but also because a part of me enjoyed seeing a different, more "real" anxious side of him. (that i could relate to a bit more). after reading a few opinions and watching the deleted scene where he went to an AA meeting and finally actually admitted he was an alcoholic to himself......steve blackman wtf. was this the bad ending, did we all fuck up that bad in our choices that we got HERE????? im kissing him on the forehead, i cant believe the last time i saw klaus hargreeves on tv there were actual tears coming down his face im....im so sick y'all.

whoever decided to put all that vomit in the episode please dont do that again. i know you cant put warnings for literal barf on a tv show but as someone who suffered through the roaches of season 3, then had to take breaks watching the sick episode of this season bc emetophobia......ew. (the baby shark shit was funny as hell to me oopsie)

i actually kinda enjoyed jean and gene as characters, their dynamic was entertaining to me, but i wish i got to see more of their history, i especially found it a little weird how jean was holding gene's face in the episode that five and lila were in the meeting together.....i wanna know more.

erm i think the concept of the keepers was also interesting. like a little group of people who know they see some weird shit and find other folks, kinda neat.

the casual drop that one of the fives made the commission???? we're just gonna brush past that???? like it makes a fuck ton of sense bc its a collection of fives we're talking about but i just.....that was a shock to me, one in which i felt i had little time to recover from given it was the last fucking episode and everything that happened after that....happened.

i liked luther the most in this season methinks. i think i had to realize him being shitty in season 1 specifically was partially a trauma response, and he felt he still had to act how he was expected to. once again, fuck you reginald hargreeves, please kiss the darkest part of my black ass.

yeah lets all just ignore all the shit that happened and either let season 3 be the end where they all go their separate ways or even better, season 2 bc that shit was peak highkey.

[thelolarahaii]

need to wxplain to you the context of the bridgerton gifset. so in the bridgerton books Francesca marries this guy john stirling earl of kilmartin and then he dies and she falls in love with his cousin michael stirling. so this season of the show francesca meets John and they really get along and understand each other and want to get married but francesca has to convince her mom because her mom wants her to have romance and passion in her marriage and francesca says no i just want companionship and peace. so she gets married and its so slay but she looks slightly disappointed when they kiss at the alter. then they're gonna go live in johns castle and he says btw my cousin will be staying with us. so at this point me and my roommates are going ok theyre gonna introduce michael and we're kinda sad bc we like francesca and john's relationship. but then john says this is my cousin MICHAELA stirling and francesca does THAT and we scream and go crazy. genuinely i think its a brilliant queer adaptation bc we got a whole season of genuinely honoring quiet nonsexual companionship and also exploring what it means for love to be platonic or romantic when marriage is not inextricably linked to romance but it is linked to sex for having kids idk.AND we get the twist at the end that this is actually a lavender marriage and francesca is gay and is also going to have a wild lesbian love affair on screen probably. very exciting stuff

oomf i want you to know that immediately before reading this i saw this tweet which i felt was very apt:

that being said yess i've been doing some research! i know a lot of people have been claiming book accuracy especially bc apparently it talks about like fertility issues n stuff. but i have also seen some book readers say that type of storyline would still be possible even if it was queer (?) or people say that michael(a) was supposed to have fallen first but the girls on tumblr have convinced me that this is still the case!

at any rate i do want to watch at least season 3 of bridgerton because a lot of people have been talking about the themes you mention of quiet and romantic/platonic love which sounds very cute and sweet 😭🫶🏾

overall im gonna say what i said about people bitching about hotd when i was still in that fandom—if y'all want book accuracy read the books!!! us show watchers will be having a fucking ball in this bitch

(p.s. i been seeing ppl say when he was wicked is arguably the spiciest bridgerton book which....im up)

[celestialmaison]

i don’t know that i need pride month anymore.

i know that i need the history that created it, and the people who literally disrupted the streets of new york, elsewhere, and elsewhen to demand their rights. i know that i recently learned that my parents only tolerate having a queer black mentally ill kidult, and that even though i’m 22 that hurts, because they’ve always pretended that they could hold genuine, authentic space for my differences, but i guess they aren’t ready. i know that fem and transgender rights are under constant attack and that i feel hopeless in a twisted privileged way because i’ve made a home in a state that i think will protect me, my friends, and the queer, fem people within these borders and yet in so many other places and spaces so many of us are having what little legal agency we had stripped from us. i know that i’m on the aroace spectrum, and that feels good to know, but im doubtful whether or not those of us in this community that have nuances upon nuances upon nuances upon nuances will ever really feel…welcome by people who don’t wear the same colors, carry the same shadows, or have the same dreams as we do. i know that i really want to adopt a cat this year. i’m sure i’ll be covered in fruity looking tattoos by the end of the summer. i know the rainbow flags and shirts and string lights won’t change what’s wrong with this world, but i don’t know how to change it. i know i’ll always remember the sparkles in my eyes the year i realized i wasn’t what everyone taught and forced me to be, because i haven’t seen them in a while. i know i like it when my friends call me “he” or “little guy.” i know queer joy exists, and it always will, because we are alive and that is something to celebrate, and i know that i feel heavy, because this world weighs on me and probably won’t stop anytime soon.

i don’t know that i need pride anymore month anymore, but i know that i need to keep seeing queer joy, and queer art, nuance, diversity, people, (dis)ability, media, places…i know that i need to keep seeing us. i know that i’ll probably keep joking about the rainbow commodification of it all, but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t love the rainbows and the bumper stickers and the enamel pins and the refrigerator magnets i got from spencer’s last weekend. i know that i like my hair red and i’m glad i cut it because red is the first color in the rainbow and it’s dark like persephone’s eyes and there’s a red wall in my apartment and i’m angry and i look hot with my hair short. and red means love. and i see it every month.

and even if i don’t know that i need pride month anymore, someone does. and i’ll wish us all a happy one, just for the hell of it 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🖤🩶🤍🤎

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i wonder what would have happened if we had more time for yaz to come to terms with being queer and the doctor's response to that. bc like i do think a lot happened in the time between sea devils and potd but imagine if we could have seen that

bc now what happened was yaz came out to herself, to her you know companion i guess in the dw way but also just kind of the classical way, sort of was outed or at least i think experienced it that way a little bit to the person she loved, in the space of a day WHILE saving the entire world WHILE trying to navigate who knows what exactly and what are they thinking about me about it. thats a lot. thats really not ideal circumstances to come out in i'd say. and im just now realising being at the bottom of the fucking ocean is a nifty metaphor for the pressure theyre probably both feeling at that moment nice

anyway, thats not ideal. and they had some time to like come to terms with The Thing Between Us, but i dont think they talked about it really. at least not in any more specifics or depth than the conversation the beach. 13 did a pretty good job being like "im cool with the gays! all of my wives are bisexual!" but i dont know if she, in all her anxiously attached Please Dont Talk To Me About Feelings glory, would be able to offer a whole lot in terms of integrating freshly realised queer feelings into your overall identity. i dont think yaz would be able to accept it if she could offer, seeing her own disposition, right? like, dan might try to offer to help, but i dont think yaz would accept a lot

so while they seem to at least somewhat come to terms with the non-relationship, im not sure yaz in potd would have processed all that much in terms of the sense of "im queer" you know what i mean? like im not expecting her to walk back home like Im Gay Actually. like no. im not even sure how much of that she even could start to integrate into a sense of self until shes processed all the grief

but then like imagine if there was another series between flux and potd. so that everything that happened basically in just eotd and sea devils could be done more gradually over the course of 10 episodes. i think it would be super interesting to see how like, that would play out

the friendship between yaz and dan, the elaboration of the supportive sentiment of "including my wife!" spread out across episodes. yaz wrestling with "why not?!" + "not even myself" + "can we just live in the present" + "if it was going to be anyone, it'd be you" over the course of episodes. the frustration and the grief and the fear and the hope and the confusion. we could really see the effect 5(?) years of "i cant fix myself to anyone" has had on yaz and more importantly the doctor would see it. and dan already knows but he'd be there to see the doctor realise it too which i think could lead to some really good scenes too

we could see yaz wrestle with sort of the spectre of home behind the spectre of the doctor dying bc she Knows somethings up. it'd be like that motif that rtd put in his seasons where like life with the doctor is like an analogy for queer life in that you might die but you have to choose it. like you cant not, if youre a companion. after the doctor dies (which is this a whole terrifying prospect in itself but even after youve sort of managed to come to terms with that) she will have to go back home. and theres a closet there she fled. you know what i mean?

yazs story is this incredibly multifaceted complex coming of age thing where you can really feel how much like the transition from adolescence to young adulthood is less like finishing school and starting work and more like,,,,,,,im trying to think of a metaphor but i cant come up with anything that rings as true as yazs story does so *gestures at it*. just survival i think is what it is. it's a fight for survival. like every day. every day there might be a dalek and The Doctor WIll Not Save You. thats yazs story but we barely skim the surface of it because chibnalls era is mainly about the doctor. theres just sooo much more story left in her character i feel like

i feel so bad for yaz in sea devils. poor girl didnt deserve that

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig