#It’s every bit as complicated and uncomplicated as that

[artist-issues]

I also would like people to give more appreciation to the great thematic unity in all of The Lord of the Rings. The idea is “do what good you can with what you are given.” Usually your abilities and your chances seem horribly small, even though your responsibility is so enormous. The minutes, the little decisions, the days, the small towns, the small characters, matter the most. The fate of the whole big world of good and evil and languages and races and heroes and villains all hangs on what’s done by a little scholar and his gardener.

[fallatyourfeet]

No Negotiations (Thomas Shelby x Reader - One shot)

Summary: Tommy thought he had been very careful keeping his relationship with YN a secret, but no, his number one enemy had discovered you. And these things rarely playout well in the world of the Peaky Blinders.

Word count: 1807

Warnings: Quite a few F bombs and quite a bit of angst. Maybe it ends well, maybe it doesn't.

A/N: This fic was a request and it's been a long time coming. I'm so happy to finally post something again.

Gif: I don't know who this Gif belongs too, but I'd love to give credit to the creator if anyone knows.

Please feel free to send me a message/comment/ask, I would love to know what you think.

If you like this, please feel free to visit my blog and take a look around! You can find my masterlist in my bio.

It was a particularly complicated time in Tommy’s life. There were a lot of different things going down. Dangerous things. And it most definitely was not a great time to be dating anyone. But YN wasn’t just ‘anyone’. To Tommy, she had very quickly and very unexpectantly, become everything. For the past year, it was YN that kept him sane during the whole fracture between his family. And with Luca Changretta still plotting his revenge against every single member of the Shelby clan, he thanked God that he had kept her completely separated from his family and business life. She was his escape. With her, his existence was simpler, uncomplicated. Cherished. Every secret second he stole by her side recharged him, settled him in ways he could never have imagined. Every night spent warming her bed gave him hours of blissful dreamless sleep. So, when he looked up from the ringside during the Goliath vs Bonnie Gold match to see her seat empty, he found himself unable to breathe.

Tommy started the night in good spirits, just happy knowing YN was there. Even if she was sitting anonymously across the opposite side of the hall, finding his thoughts already caught amongst the quiet moments he would steal away with her at the end of the night. When Arthur grew concerned of the men in Goliath’s corner, he urged him not to worry, to calm down and enjoy the match. And even when one of the men disappeared from ringside and Arthur felt the need to investigate, Tommy thought it was his older brother’s paranoia taking hold. But when Arthur didn’t return before the second man in Goliath’s corner slipped into the crowd, Tommy instantly found his stomach in knots, his eyes gravitating to YN’s seat.

It was empty.

Maybe he was overreacting. Maybe she had slipped away to the ladies. Or maybe she found herself completely disinterested in boxing and left to wait for him at their hotel room. Or maybe the growing knot in his stomach told him something much more unthinkable was taking place. Jumping from his seat, Tommy wasted no more time, easily slipping through the crowd, following the same path as Arthur.

It was unnervingly quiet walking down the passage and into the back rooms of the venue, Tommy barely registering the excitement of the crowd as it faded into the background. Only interested in the silence around him. But it was too much. Bellowing out both YN and Arthur’s name, his voice echoed and bounced off the tiled walls around him, his call answered by a gun shot. Tommy’s blood ran cold. The deafening sound vibrated through every cell in his body as if it had pierced his very flesh and Tommy couldn’t escape the hollow feeling that YN was somehow tangled in the mess.

Tommy moved desperately in and out of doorways in the direction of the gunshot, finding nothing. Until he turned the corner into a dimly lit room. But there was no mistaking what he saw, and he knew the scene before him would be forever burnt to his memory, causing him instantaneous regret. Arthur hunched over, visibly shaken as he clutched at his blood-stained neck, working hard to regain his breath. But he was alive. And beside him lay one of the men from Goliath’s corner, in a pool of his own blood, his face half blown away. But it was YN. Standing in that very same room, a room she was never supposed to be in, that had the regret burning like fire in his throat. Backed up against the cold tiled wall her whole body was trembling, arms outstretched as her hands clamped around Arthur’s pistol; knuckles white.

Tommy stepped into the room, startling her. Terrified, her trembling body swung around to face him, waving Arthur’s pistol unsteadily in his direction. All her features were overcome with fear, drained and washed out, his regret now burning bitter in his mouth. Moving towards her, he outstretched his hands, recognition dawning across her face. And when he whispered her name, she fell apart.

Simultaneously, the pistol slipped from her fingers, as her body slid down the wall, Tommy reaching her before she hit the floor, cradling her head, whispering against her ear, “It’s okay… you’re okay. I’ve got you.” Shaking his head, he found it hard to keep control of his voice, guilt ripping through his words, “I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry… I didn’t want this for you… I…” Tommy felt sick seeing her this way. Because of him, she had taken a man’s life, she didn’t deserve that kind of burden and there was nothing he could do to take it back.

“Tommy.” Arthur’s hoarse voice broke through his stupor. Looking across to his brother, he was no longer hunched over, but was instead standing before him, a steady stream of blood running from a gash to his neck. Speaking again, he gestured to the body on the floor, his words rough and strained, “I don’t know who the hell she is, Tommy, but he was tryin’ to drag her out the fuckin’ door.” Running blood-stained hands through his hair, he rubbed the back of his head, “I ripped her from his grip, but he fuckin’ got me Tommy, he had me… I’d be dead. She saved my fuckin’ arse.”

Tommy shuddered, not even allowing himself to think about what might have happened if Arthur didn’t reach her in time, all while he was too busy ignoring his brother’s concerns. Sudden gratitude spilled from his mouth, “Thank you, Arthur. You were right… I didn’t listen, but you were fucking right.”

Arthur crouched down, and whispered as if there were people in the room who could listen, “Who is she Tommy, and what does Changretta want with her?”

Surely the fact that he was on the ground cradling YN was explanation enough, but Tommy answered anyway, “She’s my girlfriend… I love her… that’s the all reason he needs.” And it was those words as they left his lips, that brought about an instant and upsetting decision.

Luca Changretta was no longer a threat. He had been dealt with in the most final way. Until the moment Arthur unloaded a bullet into his head, Changretta thought both Arthur and YN were dead, leaving Tommy’s exit plan for the mafia boss sailing through without a hitch. But there was still one thing left for Tommy to do. Something that tore at his insides, just thinking about it. But there was no other choice.

It was necessary.

Staring at YN’s front door, he took a deep breath, unable to put it off any longer. Lifting the iron knocker, he tapped it against the timber and cleared his throat, waiting for the sound of her footsteps and yet, hoping not to hear them. Never had he waited at her door with such trepidation, any stress or worries usually melted away the moment his eyes caught sight of her house. Always far too confident that he’d never been seen. God, he had been so fucking stupid.

YN opened the door with one of her breathtaking smiles, she was not going to make this easy. Fuck, he was going to miss those smiles. Burning the image to memory, he went to speak, but she leaned forward and planted a kiss to his lips, her sweet voice announcing, “Thomas Shelby… you’re late, you’re never late.” Tommy inhaled deeply, knowing that soon enough he wouldn’t be able to recall the sound of her voice, when what he really wanted was to wake up to it every single morning.  

Internally nodding, Tommy realised she was right, he had been putting this meeting off all afternoon, and when she stepped aside to let him come in, he found his feet cemented to her doorstep, his voice lost upon his lips. Seeing his hesitation, her features suddenly clouded with apprehension and concern. And it tore him to shreds. “What’s wrong, Tommy? What happened?” Grabbing his hand, she pulled him inside, sitting them both down in the parlour, “Tell me, what’s going on?”

Tommy didn’t want to be inside her house, he wanted to drop the news and leave, but she deserved more, so much more. Chewing on his lip, he inhaled deeply and cleared his throat, working hard to keep his voice convincing, “YN… I… I can’t be with you anymore.” YN jumped from the seat as if he’d slapped her. Tommy’s eyes shifted to the floor, concentrating on a scratch in the timber beside his foot, “It’s not safe anymore… people know who you are now… I… I’d never survive if something happened to you... I’d never forgive myself.”

“Tommy!” A few seconds of silence followed before she called his name again, “Tommy… you need to look at me!” This was not a good idea, no good could come from seeing her face, but how could he deny her? After everything she had given him over the past year. All those stolen moments and blissful memories… memories that would keep him functioning during all the lonely nights that would follow without her.

Lifting his head, he kept his gaze unfocused, worried her expression might destroy his resolve. Not that it mattered, her words and tone conveyed everything. She was furious. But she didn’t raise her voice once. “No… No Tommy.” Her comment snapped his eyes into focus and the determination he saw; on her face; in her posture, it took him by surprise.

Shifting in his seat, he couldn’t think, couldn’t stop the internal wall of his will from crumbling, with every word she spoke. “I won’t let you do this. I could die crossing the road today. I could get sick tomorrow and die next week. I could die giving birth or fall asleep and never wake up.” Drawing a breath, she shook her head, it was barely noticeable, “People die every day, Tommy, there’s nothing we can do about it, but I’m not going to let you give me up.”

Knealing down, her hands enveloped his face, demanding his attention, “I’m not going to miss out on a life with you, how ever long or short that may be… Do you not think I’m terrified of losing you too?”

Tommy shook his head, but his wall of resolve was gone, and he knew the words he spoke were no more than white noise, “My life… it’s dangerous… Just being with me is-”

Losing patience, she cut his white noise short with unyielding hands, refusing to let him look away. Her eyes were fierce. And her decision was final. There would be no negotiations. “Just shut up Tommy, stop talking. I love you. And I know you love me…. I’m not stupid, I know the risk I’m taking. But for you, I’m willing to take it.”

[idyllic-affections]

little colt.

summary. xianyun cannot help but take in another child. perhaps, in the future, they may become a disciple of hers.

trigger & content warnings. none applicable.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, found family-ish. xianyun & child!reader. 2k words. they/them pronouns for reader. prev | next.

author's thoughts. bird mom propaganda RAHHHHHH btw if you find a typo no you didn't i'm sleepy but i wanted to post this........

       Cloud Retainer has taken on many disciples in her time, and she has loved each and every one as if they were her own.

       It was, therefore, quite unlikely that she woukd cease to take on disciples anytime within the forseeable future. Her love was extensive, far beyond what most mortals would be able to comprehend, and her capacity for intimate and tight bonds was even moreso. She has taken on many disciples over the years, and she has loved them all like her own children.

       Perhaps it could be attributed to her adeptal instincts; she can recall many a time during which her fellow adepti, upon bonding closely with another being, became exceedingly protective of them. It was only natural—adepti lived for so long and were often affected by their more nonhuman instincts. It wouldn't be improbable to imagine that the need to bond with other beings would grow strong over so many years.

       ...Then again, it could always simply be attributed to her. In her mind, there was little need for any such justification like 'instincts.' She could scoff at the idea—she was no mere animal. 'Instincts' could not begin to fully explain the depth of her love and care; it was surely infinitely more complicated than the mere maternal urges that a simple crane, a wild animal, might have. She was infinitely more intricate and convoluted than an uncomplicated bird.

       (That, however, did not change the fact that she did tend to have bird-like habits. Preening, nesting in her own way... She preferred not to bring attention to that fact, however.)

       Regardless of the reason, the truth was that she was lonely, even if she vehemently denied it whenever someone brought up the idea. Mt. Aocang was... quiet, dreadfully so without the constant presence of Ganyu or Shenhe or any of her other disciples. She enjoyed the silence to an extent, but she could only entertain herself for so long without another being to share her knowledge with. Liyue Harbor was far more lively. Loud and chaotic at times, perhaps, but far less lonely than the empty nest that her adeptal abode had become.

       Maybe that was why she was so immediately invested in the little one who had accidentially bumped into her and was now apologizing profusely.

       "I'm— I'm so sorry, miss! I wasn't watching where I was going! I really didn't mean it, I..."

       'What a swift little thing,' she couldn't help but muse. She'd hardly even spotted them rushing her way before they tumbled into her legs. Their body weight wasn't even enough to make her stumble—if anything, they were the one that ended up getting thrown off balance. It was cute how small they were compared to her, really; it reminded her of Shenhe when she was a child, or even her current disciple, Shuyu.

       Ah... but she shouldn't be so quick to think fondly of them. No, surely this little one had parents of their own—a life of their own—to return to. She did not even know their name. No. Bonds should not be so quick to form.

       With elegant, poised grace akin to a gentle breeze rustling a tree's leaves, she knelt down, the motion putting an end to their sheepish yet hurried apologies. Glossy, innocent eyes stared up at her—even kneeling, Xianyun was still a bit taller than they were—with an amount of awe that would've made her feathers puff out in pride had she been in her illuminated beast form. She was not one to grow embarrassed at admiration, after all.

       "Where are your caregivers, child?"

       "Oh. Um." Their brows furrowed slightly. "...I don't know, actually."

       "Ah, are you lost? Come, then. One— Ahem. I shall reuinte you with them. I am certain they must be quite frantic in your absence."

       Before she could rise and offer her clawed hand to them, they urgently shook their head.

       "Oh, no! It's not like that, miss. Even if it was, I wouldn't want to trouble you at all! I would find my way back!" they insisted politely, waving their hands in front of their body as if to dismiss her concerns (though, Xianyun hardly thought it would be "troubling"; she was a bit surprised that they felt it so, or perhaps they were really just trying to be polite). It was then that she noticed the little wooden chick held carefully in one of their hands, but she did not yet have the opportunity to inquire about it. "I've been on my own for as long as I can remember, that's all."

       Oh?

       Oh.

       "Hm. Is that so?"

       "Uh-huh."

       "In that case, child, I—"

       A man rounding the corner and immediately prevented her from finishing her sentence. He was very clearly furious, approaching the child with such fervent determination that Xianyun could not help but wonder what nature of a troublemaker she must have encountered. Though... she really did not see them that way, which only made her infintely more curious about rhe situation at hand.

       Their expression seemed to fall.

       "You, kid!" he shouted, stopping just a foot or two away from them. "You can't just go around stealing whatever you please! Who raised you?!"

       "No, I..." They could not meet his gaze. "I was gonna bring back more mora to make up for it when I could, I just—!"

       "Don't give me excuses. I want the toy you've stolen returned, you understand? Hand it over!"

       Xianyun sighed, adjusting her glasses.

       "Enough," she said, rising to her feet. "How much mora will suffice? For reparations, of course."

       "Rep— reparations?" the man stuttered, then sighed. "No, no... look. You're the mom? Just teach your kid not to go around stealing. The toy's not worth much, but a kid who starts stealing this young will take far more important things in the future. So, teach 'em not to do it."

       Hiding behind Xianyun's legs, they couldn't help but stare upwards in wonderment. His attitude flipped completely when faced with a woman so much taller than he was, and with an air surrounding her that demanded such an impossible amount of respect. They honestly could not blame him for such an attitude change; they would too, they thought, if they were faced with someone like her.

       "Very well. You have my apologies on their behalf." She turned on her heel, holding out her hand to them. "Let us go, little colt."

       Colt?

       Bewildered but nonetheless beyond awestruck with this strange yet kind woman, they nodded, wordlessly placing their freehand in hers. Her sharp, hooked nails dug slightly into their skin; somehow, though, they couldn't be bothered to care. It didn't hurt much. On the contrary, it was oddly comforting.

       The walk was silent for a few moments, but then, Xianyun's voice demanded their attention:

       "You should pay quite the mind to your behavior in the future. Theivery is a significant offense in a land such as this—a land that regards contracts with the highest of respect. Had I withheld my intervention, it may very well have ended far worse."

       "I really didn't mean to," they whispered, little tears building up in the corners of their eyes. Even though she was someone they had only just met a few moments ago, disappointing her seemed... unbearable. Angering her would have been more tolerable. "Um... steal, that is. I didn't mean it. I just thought it looked really cool. I left whatever mora I had on me to pay for it, and I was going to try and get more so I could pay him the right amount... I swear I wasn't going to just run away with it..."

       She hummed. "Regardless of your intent, I will see to it that you do not do such a thing again."

       "Hu— huh? You will?"

       She scoffed. "Of course. Surely you did not expect me to abandon you on the side of the street again? As an elder, it is only right that I watch over little ones such as yourself, and little ones should not be cruelly left to fend for themselves."

       The tears on their lashes had dried by now. They even offered her a smile, giggling as they said, "Elder? I don't think you're old."

       "Oh? And what, pray tell, has led you to such a bold conclusion, hm?"

       "Well... you! You look very young, miss! I think elder women are very pretty too, but you look... young pretty? Um... what's the word again..?"

       "Youthful, perhaps?"

       "Yeah! Youthful!"

       As they rambled on animatedly, clutching the wooden bird to their chest, Xianyun's lips quirked upwards into an amused smile.

       It, of course, went unnoticed by them.

                       — flower of the universe !! 🌸

       In the few days that had passed since Xianyun welcomed little [Name]—they had bashfully introduced themselves to her in the middle of their rambling once they recalled that she didn't even know their name, and she returned the sentiment with greater confidence—into her home, she had put together a few simple toys for them to amuse themselves with.

       She was an inventor at heart. Even though these designs were not entirely her own, she made them hers with unique additions and more efficient features... of course, all while doing her best to keep the toys simple. They were for a child, after all. Mechanics, Xianyun's mechanics, were complicated enough for adults to understand as it was—a child would surely have even less of a capacity to grasp something too complicated, and her efforts would therefore have been wasted.

       ...But oh, how terribly wrong she now understood herself to be.

       Quietly and motionlessly, as to avoid drawing their attention, she watched with the growing warmth of fondness and excitement in her chest as the young one she took in meticulously pried open the toys she handcrafted.

       They were humming to themselves, gingerly laying out the parts in an organized manner so that nothing got lost or mixed. She was beyond impressed with the careful thought they had blatantly put into keeping track of everything; Xianyun was certain that most children would lose a small part or two, but as she surveyed their layout, she noted that every single piece—big or small, hard to overlook or easy to lose—was accounted for.

       Childish forgetfulness wasn't an inherently bad thing. In fact, it was quite amusing and endearing to those such as herself who had lived for so many millennia.

       However, she was infinitely more endeared by their sheer mindfulness.

       Their sharp gasp snapped her from her internal musings.

       "Oh— Miss... Miss Xianyun! I'm sorry, I—" They stumbled over their words, and they froze up somewhat. It was as if they wanted to hide what they had done but ultimately decided against it; she had clearly already spotted them, and they did not want to risk mixing up all the parts. "Miss Xianyun, I'm so sorry, I— I wasn't trying to destroy them, I just—"

       "—wanted to understand their internal workings, yes?"

       Their eyes went wide with that same wonderment they had displayed towards her a few days prior. "How... how did you know?"

       She almost laughed at their cluelessness. "You have taken them apart with the care and delicacy quite unusual for one of your age. This, one surmises, is only because you sought to sate your curiosity regarding these simple mechanisms and their internal functions."

       The grace with which she carried herself never failed to leave them in astonished silence. Xianyun hummed, sweeping them up into her arms as if they weighed no more than a feather (her utter, raw strength was another astounding feat in their young mind; she was so unimaginably admirable in a multiplicity of ways to them). Then, with steady caution, she kneeled to the floor and situated them comfortably in her lap.

       "Allow one to introduce you, little colt, to the basics of mechanics."

       Xianyun, they concluded, was an odd but genuinely kind woman.

       Though her manner of speech was sometimes strange and formal, and her grace seemed otherworldly in its nature, and her strength was assuredly not a feat that just anyone could achieve...

       She was tender. She was kind. She cared.

       Perhaps the world was not always so kind, but despite that knowledge, they had never felt safer than where they were now.

please consder reblogging with a kind tag or comment, it helps me out quite a lot! mama xianyun series taglist: @zeldadou, @starryshinyskies, @soleillunne, @lillonvia, @nervocat, @dragon-type-nuggetz, @starlit-dianthus. contact me non-anonymously to be added.

[jellybuttons]

Crowley's "oh" moment wasn't him realizing that he's in love

Okay so we've all talked about the scene where Nina asks Crowley if Aziraphale is his "bit on the side" or whatever and Crowley has that visable fanfiction "oh" moment on his face afterwards. And I know a lot of people think it must have been Crowley realizing that he was in love with Aziraphale, but that's never sat right with me. Crowley is emotionally repressed and oblivious, sure, but he's been down bad for that angel since the beginning. I just can't believe he didn't know it the whole time. That can't have been what he was reacting to. Hell, just the nervous swallow he does at the beginning of that conversation implies that he knows exactly what Nina is about to ask him, meaning he at least already has that idea in his head.

I think what he was reacting to was Nina's last comment, "other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own" (I'm quoting from memory but I got the gist of it).

Crowley has been in love for a long time by this point. He's also, for that entire time, understood that nothing can be done about it. Up until Armageddon failed, there was no universe where Crowley and Aziraphale could safely be together, and Crowley cares too much about Aziraphale to truly risk his safety (although he does have his selfish moments--that need to know that Aziraphale cares for him too, that he's not completely alone in this partnership). Nothing could change, so there was no point in doing anything about it.

In the few years post Armageddon, though, it seems like QUITE a bit has changed for the two of them. Remember, these are two immortal beings...a few years is milliseconds to them. But in those milliseconds, it seems like Crowley has become a regular establishment in the bookshop, glasses off and all. Aziraphale felt comfortable enough with him to ask to borrow the Bentley, Crowley's prized possession and his literal home. They've gotten COMFY in a very short amount of time, objectively, and I'm sure it felt like big change to Crowley, who knows better than to ask for things he doesn't think he can have.

But Nina's comment. "Other people's love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own". A direct parallel to exactly how Crowley has been thinking about her and Maggie this whole time--two people who just need a push (romantic awning, anyone?) and everything else would fall into place. Easy. Uncomplicated.

Crowley's "oh" moment isn't that he's in love with Aziraphale. It's that maybe being in love with Aziraphale doesn't have to be complicated.

Other people's love lives DO seem more straightforward than Crowley's own. But if Nina feels that way about him, as sure as he is about her and Maggie...could it be that easy? Could he have that with his angel? I don't think at this point that Crowley has any doubt about whether or not Aziraphale feels something for him (whatever that something may be in Crowley's mind), but after all...Aziraphale asked him to slow down. So he's been taking it slow. Hanging around more. Leaning into his space. Soaking up every second of Az's smiles like a dying man, content with whatever he's given.

But Nina. She thinks they're together already. No doubt in her mind. She thinks it's so straightforward, that of COURSE they're together, two people who look at each other with that much love in their eyes must be, right? And I think that "oh" is Crowley's realization that maybe it IS straightforward. After all, they're them, right? No more Heaven, no more Hell, no actual reason they couldn't just...be together. In that moment, Crowley isn't realizing that he's in love with Aziraphale. He's known he's in love for a very long time. No, that moment was him realizing that, maybe, he can stop pretending not to be, that maybe all they have to do is stop pretending they aren't everything to each other. Does he need to slow down if there's no danger to avoid?

When Nina and Maggie confront him at the end, encourage him to confess...objectively, I don't think Crowley as a character would agree to anything nearly that vulnerable without a LOT more convincing. But he does agree. And you could argue that it's because of Gabe and Beez, sure, but when has Crowley ever used other angels and demons as reasoning behind his choices? No, consistently, Crowley has followed humans every time. Gabe and Beez are nothing but conveniently timed examples. I think that even without G and B running off together, Nina and Maggie could've convinced him after nothing but this "oh" conversation with Nina.

When Crowley is choking out his confession in the final 15 of episode 6, so desperate to make Aziraphale understand...he says "we're a pair, a group, a group of the two of us, and we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't". That's the point he's trying to get across. They can stop pretending, they can stop pretending, please, god, stay here Aziraphale and don't make him keep pretending.

Please, Aziraphale, he's saying. Don't go back. I only just realized that it doesn't have to be complicated. He realized that, maybe, finally, he was allowed.

Oh, he thought, out there on the sidewalk with Nina, there's nothing left but me stopping me from being happy.

Oh, he thought, while Nina and Maggie urged him to communicate, the couple that so perfectly mirrored his own wants, I could tell him how I feel.

Oh, he thought, as Aziraphale looked at him with excited eyes and explained that he wanted them both to go back to Heaven, that Crowley could become an angel again, that they could go right back to working for the very thing that had been keeping them apart for thousands of years. Oh, oh god. I thought it was over. I thought we were free. I thought that, finally, maybe, it could be easy. Maybe we can stop pretending.

And he kissed him. Because fuck, just like with Nina and Maggie, he thought it could finally be easy, but then communicating didn't work and nothing was easy and all he had left was one fabulous kiss and vavoom and he was desperate and off script and so, so scared and then he was alone in the Bentley, driving away from the bookshop, completely alone.

Maybe Crowley should've kept pretending. It would've hurt less.

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

complicated

bucky barnes x reader

summary: things had been uncomplicated between Bucky and you, then things ended. Now he’s seeing you again after months and he realizes he never wanted things to end. Do you feel the same?

“...and if my wishes came true, it would have been you.”

Sirens rang in Bucky’s ears; the flashing lights illuminated his face as he stared straight ahead. Agents’ mule around in the background as Sam talks to a few – Bucky never did the talking and he was glad about it, especially now. He hadn’t seen you in what felt like years, but months would be more accurate. You stood tall but looked stressed; hands firm on your hips as you listened to what he assumed was a subordinate. Nodding as they spoke to you, he didn’t know your division was working on this case too. But why would he? He wasn’t a man in the loop, and he liked it that way; Sam was the one that did the planning and arranging, he just showed up for the job.

Bucky couldn’t stop staring, everything around him went dark and it was like there was a spotlight shining down on you. Face stern, hair brushed back behind ears. He knew the look of concentration on your face and for a moment, he smiled. His head ached a bit, he had been bleeding from his head earlier but now everything was dried and matted on his skin.

“You’re staring too hard.”

Bucky blinked and looked at his partner. “You didn’t tell me she would be here.”

Sam shrugged. “Need to know basis, remember?”

Right, his own policy.

“You should go say hi at least, better than staring like a stalker.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

Bucky frowned when his friend patted him hard on the back, leaving him to his brooding. He stood among the crowd of agents, deciding on whether it would be okay to say hello. The two of you hadn’t talked in so long and the last time you did, things didn’t feel right. It wasn’t like you were a couple, it had never gotten that serious. Things hadn’t gotten the chance to even become serious – workload and ambition had gotten the best of you, he tried to be understanding. While you were in this lifestyle for want, he just was around because what else was someone like him to do?

It started off innocently enough – flirtation over beers, blowing off steam with Sam and others in the field. A gang of friends turned family, but things never got complicated. A kiss led to another than he had you in his bed, sometimes in your bed and most times, in hotels while on the job. It had been light, free, and sweet. Then he started to get attached, he felt himself going in a direction that didn’t seem to even cross your mind. Bucky started to crave you in ways more than sex; he wanted to hold your hand, share a meal with you, scratch your back until you fell asleep beside him.

It started to feel dangerously close to love and it scared him.

The sirens died down and that’s when you noticed him. Bucky’s heart flinched when you met his gaze and he couldn’t bring himself to smile, even as you started towards him. His eyes followed your every step and when you finally stood in front of him, he still couldn’t smile.

“Bucky.”

He wanted to smile then, but he just asked how you were. Your face softened; a sigh rolled off your shoulders. “Tired as shit. I’m glad this case is over; I need a vacation.”

The notion of you vacationing finally made him crack and he smirked. “Have you ever taken a vacation?”

“Yeah, when I was twelve.”

Bucky stared at you and then the two of you shared a laugh, and it felt wonderful. It felt like air finally whistled down his lungs and he could breathe. You grinned and touched his shoulder, smile fading as your eyes fell. His shoulders slumped as he held your arm by the elbow, asking what was wrong. It could see it in your face, that you were crumbling from the inside. He recognized the look because he saw it every morning in the mirror.

Your fingers touched the lapel of his leather jacket. “I’m sorry…”

Voice quiet, shameful.

He stood quietly among the noise.

“…I was scared because things were starting to feel different. I started to feel differently about you, Bucky.”

Oh, he frowned. This is where you were going to break his heart. You were going to explain why you had stopped taking his calls, ‘ghosting’ him as Sam explained. Even stopped talking cases with the pair, switching agencies to get away from him. His mouth dried as you looked at him and he wanted to walk away, cover his ears. He didn’t want to hear what you had to say because then he couldn’t go on with his delusion. That you just weren’t ready, that if circumstances had been different, the two of you would be together today.

That everything would be different.

“I was falling in love with you…”

The word love struck him awake and all his senses warmed his body, catching your hand as it fell from his jacket. His fingers gripped around your wrist and his eyes examined your face – trying to understand what you were saying to him, right to his face.

“…I didn’t think you felt the same, we always kept things uncomplicated, and I thought you liked it that way. That’s why I stopped coming around.”

“Shit.”

The word slipped through his lips, and he was instantly annoyed at himself, but you laughed. “Shit? We haven’t seen each other in months, and I just poured my heart out to you – in front of all these people, mind you and all you can say is shit?”

Bucky dipped his head back and took a deep breath, holding onto your hand so you wouldn’t dare leave. He wasn’t going to let you leave his life again, not ever again. Warming his smile, he carefully pulled you closer as if that would give the two of you some privacy. He reached for your face with both hands and grinned.

“I want complicated.”

Your chest ached in delight. “You do?”

Words careful and concerned.

Bucky nodded, face serious. “I love you and I’ve missed you.”

Forgetting that you were a known hard ass among your peers, you practically leaped into Bucky’s arms. He embraced you, lifting your feet off the ground and holding you tight against his body. His warmth engulfed you and all you could do is think of a vacation with him. Lounging in bed, talking walks on the street – hand in hand. Sharing meals and falling asleep to the feeling of his fingers dragging against your back. All the things you had been earning for all these months, were finally going to come to fruition; and when his lips brushed against yours, you didn’t care if the whole world was watching.

Pulling your head back after a moment, you beamed at Bucky.  “I love you too.”

[deconstructivesurgery]

listen i haven't posted seriously in long-form about bg3 in a hot minute but i've been getting back into it bit by bit and i'm still on my gale and astarion shit.

not the "they hate each other but they love each other" stuff or the "toxic yaoi" (although it is funny to me sometimes) dynamic people seem to typically slap onto them, but rather just- whether you wish to see it in a romantic light or not- the pure potential for a true bitchy wine aunt relationship that lies there.

not only do i think they genuinely like each other in a surprisingly uncomplicated way at times despite how complicated both of them are personally, i will die on the hill of them just being... a bit snobbish together. bitching about wine or food that astarion can't even taste (won't stop him from insulting something based on look alone), reading and reviewing books together, perpetually remaining pretentious about architecture and style in distinctly different ways (grand and gothic versus the absolute hullabaloo of softer maximalism that i can see gale enjoying).

i can see in their good endings an outcome where once in a blue moon a vaguely irritable Newly Minted Adventurer/Locally Morally Dubious Hero Astarion Ancunin occasionally manifests his merry little self at one Prof. Gale Dekarios' door because what IS he there for if not to serve as a free-to-access resource of magical aid anytime he encounters some sort of odd curse or magical foe or what-have-you that he isn't well-versed in. who else is going to gleefully and without question provide him with enchanted weapons that most people would look at with concern. to boot, who else is going to provide said things while also being a good conversation partner.

if he happens to dredge up odd magical shit once in a while while he's romping around the country and drops it off at gale's doorstep (chance of spontaneous combustion, mad howling emanating from a haunted amulet, etc. be damned) every so often, it's only fair.

people love the drama that comes with a less stable outcome to their relationship, and that's entirely fair if that's the dynamic that you prefer out of these characters, but i think the potential for just genuine non-spiteful banter and connection is often overlooked. i think, at very least, that they could and should be good lasting friends. send tweet

[writingquestionsanswered]

Anonymous asked: When do you trust yourself instead of writing what you're supposed to? I've reworked my current novel over a dozen times to nudge the structure closer to more standard ones, but it's just not working. It completely unravels until I barely recognize it anymore and gets worse with every attempt. I end up changing it back, until I remember that I'm not even remotely qualified to make that kind of decision, and then the cycle starts all over again. I'm starting to wonder if this story just simply can't exist? Or do I trust myself and write it the way I want to even though it's the wrong? I've been writing long enough to feel ashamed for asking this question, but only short stories and a disaster of a nanowrimo novel, so working on a Real Novel is entirely new and very scary territory. I know there's not technically a right or wrong way to write, but you also have to learn the rules before you break them and since this is my first Real Novel, I haven't shown that I know the rules yet, so I obviously shouldn't break them, right? I'm going absolutely nuts.

[Ask edited for length]

Imagine if you loved to embroider and crochet, then one day you decided to take up knitting, and you decided to start with a really complicated sweater pattern. As you can imagine, that's probably not the best project for your first time knitting, even if you are skilled at other types of needlework.

Writing is no different... when you shift from writing short stories to long fiction, if you're trying to tackle a really ambitious plot, you're going to plot yourself into knots. And that does sound like what may be happening. If it was a simple, straightforward plot--the kind that is friendly for a first-sort-of-second novel writer--it probably wouldn't be unraveling so easily.

So, one thing to consider is whether it might be time to set this story aside for a little while. You're not scrapping it... you're just letting it percolate in the background for a little bit while you hone your novel writing skills on something easier to tackle. And remember, every novel you write doesn't have to be with the intention of publication. In fact, it's quite rare that people publish the first or even second novel they ever wrote. Sometimes, just giving yourself the permission to write something uncomplicated and fun (for you to write), without the pressure of it having to be publishable, makes all the difference in the world. When you can focus on the story and sharpening your skills, your brain suddenly has the bandwidth to actually grow.

And... another possibility is you just do write this story the way you want to write it, not worrying about the "should do this" or "should do that." Just let it be what it wants to be, take the practice you get from it, and move onto something else. Even that doesn't bar you from coming back to it later, when your skills have improved, and doing more with it than you're capable of doing now. Sometimes, the answer is just beyond our reach, but when you give yourself time to grow as a writer, the answers can be as plain as day. ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[natalievoncatte]

“Careful with that! We have to assume everything here is dangerous.”

Lena would have preferred to be anywhere else. The last thing she wanted to occupy her afternoon was dealing with yet another reminder of her brother’s sprawling insanity. Every one of these weapons caches -he probably would have melodramatically called them “hideouts” or “secret bases”- was like a tombstone marking the grave of the only truly sincere, loving relationship she’d ever had in her life.

He hadn’t always been the slavering maniac with an incoherent obsession with killing a superhero. He’d been a protector and a benefactor, a chess opponent and a confidant, the only person in her life who presented an uncomplicated human connection, without any ulterior motives or conditions.

Everyone else wanted something from her. Money. Power. A competitive advantage. Technological secrets. Or just sex. Lena resented that most of all, the gray old men who saw nothing of her achievements or her intellect and regarded her as just another piece of ass with blue enough blood that they had to ask permission rather than simply grope.

Watching her crew load up the equipment in this sweltering heat made her physically ill, and she was glad she’d skipped breakfast. Kara would be upset if she knew.

She’s had to text Kara and let her know that she’d be out of the office and would have to skip their lunch plans. Kara was…

Kara was becoming a complication, because Kara was doing the one thing Lena wished she wouldn’t: She was giving Lena hope. She’d barreled into Lena’s life with an earnest intensity that had been bewildering at first and intriguing afterwards, with her insistence that they be friends, and constant reminders that they were friends, even as her eyes wandered to Lena’s cleavage or she unconsciously bit her lip and stared that smoldering stare just to look away at the last second.

Lena shook her head, clearing her thoughts of yet another Straight Best Friend taking her down that well-worn path of sapphic suffering. She had bigger fish to fry right now.

It was too bad that her relationship with Supergirl had been so chilly lately. It might have been easier to simply tip off the hero and the government agency she worked with and let them handle the clean up.

Lena was deep in reverie when one of the crates, a bulky reinforced one, dropped a good two feet from a forklift and the wood splintered as the locks burst free.

“Idiot!” Lena shouted at the driver. “This equipment is sensitive and potentially dangerous, and…”

“STARTUP SEQUENCE INITIATED.”

A metallic voice ground out of the crate and it shifted as something vast and bulky moved around inside. Lena stumbled back, glad she’d opted for a sensible set of flats for this, and turned to run.

A metallic claw crashed out of the crate, followed by an arm-mounted rotary cannon. The older model Lexosuit, one of the originals that Lex had planned to illegally smuggle out of the country in a fake theft scheme and sell to the Kasnians, stood up in its shaky, clanking way and took a few steps, shaking off planks and nylon straps the way a baby bird might shake off pieces of shell.

There was nowhere to go. The machine scanned the room, moving jerkily as it zeroed in on her.

Lex’s voice, a recording, boomed from its loudspeakers.

“Ah, dear sister, I see you’ve found another of my hidden fastnesses.”

You melodramatic-

“Oh well. I should thank you for setting off the security system. I won’t have to waste my precious time killing you myself. Au revoir, Lena!”

The suit spun its arm cannon and aimed at her. The barrels assembly made a half turn, the electric motor charging up as it cycled the first 32mm mass-reactive exploding shell into the chamber. Lex had once called it a masterpiece in the art of violating the Geneva Conventions. It was about to blow Lena inside out, and the subsequent shots reduce her to a the chunky consistency of a good bolognése.

But then there was a wind that was not a wind, and SHE was there.

Supergirl seized Lena with precision and grace, hands that could crush diamonds pressed just so over Lena’s ears to protect her from the roar of the guns. Lena wasn’t sure who screamed louder, her or Supergirl, as the revolving barrels ripped out their entire supply of ammunition in a few seconds, pummeling Supergirl’s back with explosions that could have shredded a tank, as the hero cradled Lena, sheltering her with her superhuman body.

When the hellstorm was over, the machine charged at them.

Supergirl did scream now, and fell upon the machine in a berserk rage. Lena had seen her in a fight before and knew she could be terrible to behold, but this was different. The empty suit was struck with such unending fury that she reduced it to shreds of metal and oil-spitting chunks of machinery in moments, spreading it halfway across the floor of warehouse.

When Supergirl rounded on her, Lena’s heart skipped. The hero’s chest was heaving, straining at the crest on her chest even as the bunching muscles on her arms and stomach pulled at the material, her perfect hair swirling around as she turned, that angelic face marred by a streak of oil and a sheen of sweat.

How dare she just look like that. It was incredibly unfair.

Before Lena knew it what was happening, Supergirl was lifting her into a heart-skipping bridal carry, pulling her much too close as she took off. On instinct, Lena pressed her eyes shut and buried her face in the Kryptonian’s neck, to hide from the heights.

Moments later they landed, and Supergirl threw Lena’s balcony door back and deposited her on her feet, leaving her stumbling back against her kitchen island in a daze. Supergirl stared at her, looming over Lena with the height difference increased by her stacked heels and Lena having lost her shoes at some point, so her stocking toes were left curling on the cold floor.

“That thing almost killed you,” Supergirl snapped. “If Is been a millisecond later you’d be dead.”

Her voice was tight with emotion, somewhere between anger, exasperation, and terror, and it felt like a fist closed in Lena’s chest.

“Are you sure you just weren’t there to make sure I wasn’t taking Lex’s old suit for a spin myself?” Lena spat, though her voice trembled. “You don’t seem to trust a thing I say lately. If I tell you the sky is blue you’ll go check.”

Supergirl’s face flushed and Lena braced for another booming, self righteous speech about trust or safety or the meaning of teamwork or some such heroic nonsense, but then her voice shattered into a million pieces and tears welled wet in her eyes.

“All I want is for you to be okay.”

A thousand thoughts danced in Lena’s mind. To ask her why, to defy her, to taunt her, to demand what exactly it was that made Lena so damned important that this woman was so intense about her safety one moment and so angry the next.

In the dance of all those thoughts, the more base instinct won out. Lena grabbed Supergirl by the neck of her suit, just below those delightful collarbones of hers, and used it as a handle to pull herself into a hard, aggressive kiss.

The world hung still for a moment, and Lena felt it all pivot around her. Something big was happening here. Something huge, something…

Something forgotten entirely as Supergirl’s tongue roughly claimed Lena’s mouth and her hands raked over Lena’s ass, dragging her skirt up.

Oh God, she thought, this is actually happening.

Lips pressed to her skin, the words burning hot into her flesh like an invocation.

“Is this okay?” Supergirl whispered.

“Yes,” Lena moaned, without hesitation.

To be continued…

[luztoyeweek]

Can you rec your top five luztoye fics to get us in the vibe?

Beloved, can I! With this, I went with fics that I don't see recced a lot for Luztoye, so if there's anything anyone wants added on to the list, feel free to do so!

Since this gave me a bit of freedom, I went with non-canon era fics, mainly to shake it up a bit. If someone would like a canon list, feel free to let me know, and I'd be delighted to :). With that, let's get into it below the cut. (Fics in no particular order).

- each and every day (of the year) by bruce_the_shark

Joe grins, lifts his hand from George’s hip to grip him by the chin, twists his face around to catch his lips in a bruising kiss. George relishes in it, likes how the taste of Joe’s preferred brand of liquor mixes with the taste of his own on his tongue. He grins against Joe’s lips, knows it’s going to be a good year.

rated m | 21.6k | modern au | granted, i haven't read this one in a while, but it's very sweet and has a very nice montage-esq vibe to it. very lovely read, especially if you're not in the mood for heavy angst :).

- the road is long, we carry on by rebelsquad (wolveheart)

“There is no good ending for people like us, George.” George says what he always says and what always feels like a half-truth, like there could be more to it but it won’t come out of his mouth. “If the ending sucks, we should make the story before as good as we can.”

unrated | 4k | mob au | this fic changed something in my mind, i'm not even kidding. very well done luz pov, very sweet, with an open ending and that good ol' yearning. not very big on mob aus, but this one was so well done that i enjoyed it very much <3.

- You Got The Best of Me by roaroftheninth/@almost-a-class-act

People assume that when Joe thinks about his life, it’s in terms of before the accident and after. Instead, he thinks about it in terms of before and after meeting George.

rated m | 61.3k | modern au | it wouldn't be a luztoye rec list without something by sam, but this fic is also just genuinely so wonderfully done and thought out. you can tell how i feel about it by seeing the completely normal and hinged comments i left on it, if you need more persuasion.

- Punch-Up by Disastrous_Canasta/@disastrouscanasta

It was in no way picture-perfect, or even anything like what George had imagined he’d love doing, but it was them. It was something they’d figured out through trial and error, learning what worked for them and what didn’t. They’d meant to share relief, ages ago. But had somehow stumbled down this path of showers and mornings and late nights, but he wasn’t sure what he’d do without it. OR A surprisingly uncomplicated “It’s complicated” dynamic.

rated e | 13.3k | film industry au | genuinely one of my favorite characterization fics for luztoye, as well as some top-notch worldbuilding and wonderful prose. <3

- meet me on the dancefloor by brokenarrows5

“Hey there stranger!” George yells, eyes crinkling. “Thought there’d be no chance of you out here!” “Changed my mind,” Joe responds.

rated t | 1k | modern au | very very short and sweet, but with wonderful voices and humor throughout. a very nice read :)

[padfootdaredmetoo]

Okay okay the rambling got slightly out of hand (because TANGERINE IS🔥) and it’s a bit self-indulgent but here we go🫠🍊😅

Can I please request a Protective!Tangerine x fem!civilian reader where they had run into each other multiple times throughout their time on the train, they run into each other (literally) on the way to their seats (she’s super apologetic and he’s super flirty, making her super flustered), then maybe again because her seat is near Tan and Lemon’s, then again when they’re both at the snack cart, at the bathroom, etc… They just keep running into each other and each time a lot of flirty ensued and they have A LOT of chemistry. They end up having a more ehm ~intimate encounter~ on the train before all the danger started to really unfold. When everything goes down with all the assassins, Tan finds her hiding, scared out of her mind, not knowing what’s going on, and he picks her up and he & Lemon get her (and themselves) off that train to safety, and then kisses her goodbye. A few weeks later, Y/n realizes she’s pregnant, but has no way to contact Tangerine, all she knows about him is that he and Lemon are assassins that go by fruit names (shsh). After a few months of trying to find a way to contact them, she finds a way… She finds a place to send them a message, pretending to have a job for them, but when they show up, there’s no job, they just find a sheepish, and very pregnant, Y/n. And after finding out that she is indeed carrying his baby, Tangerine brings her with him and Lemon to their safe house, and they fall even deeper in love🥺🍊

Hey Babes!

This request kept me sane this past week. I may have written multiple parts.... I couldn't help myself. I hope you enjoy it!!!!!! <3

Part one: Train shenanigans, finding out she'd knocked up, and locating fruit assassins.

Part Two: the after-math, sweet concentrated fluff

Tangerine Master Post

Warnings: Non-descriptive violence and sex is implied. The reader has a rough home life, freaks out when realizes she's pregnant and gets a bit depressed.

So far Japan was a complicated but lovely trip. Everything here was so different, and yet the people and interactions you’d had were fantastic. After three weeks you were tired and excited to finish your trip in Tokyo. 

This trip was originally planned for your friend, who just happened to back out last minute over some guy she’d met. You’d already spent a fortune on the non-refundable trip, no way you were letting it go to waste. It was strange being so alone. Normally you were surrounded or running after friends and family, but here it was just you. 

It was uncomplicated and peaceful. Not something you’d gotten a lot of over the years. Standing on the bright platform with your headphones in you caught a couple of men out of the corner of your eye. Clearly, they were having some type of argument that was blocked out by the music you were listening to. They were helping hold up their seemingly very drunk friend up.

The tall man in the blue suit flicked his cigarette and you watched him look you over. He gave you a wink before the train blew in through the platform. 

Moving to find your seat someone gently bumped into the back of you as you tried to place your bag on the shelf above the seats. “Oh - S-sorry!” 

“Ah, you again. Here, let me, love.” The man with the blue suit and mustache grabbed your backpack and got it up on the ledge. His accent confirmed that he was indeed traveling. He caught you staring causing your face to flush, and an awkward silence fell between the two of you. His stance made you feel like he was enjoying every second of your flustered attention. 

“Thank you!” You said finally gaining the ability to speak back. 

“You need anythin’ else just come find me.” He gave you another wink before returning to his friends sitting close to you. You took your seat and watched him make his friend switch seats so he could stare right back at you. You put your headphones back in and looked out the window. You paused the music you had playing to see if you could hear what they were saying. 

“You fucking serious? We’re bloody working.” His friend hissed. 

“It’s like I got a compulsion or something. Look at her, can't help myself.”  He let out a sigh. 

“Need to talk to someone. Serious.” His friend said and your heart sank. Just another flirty guy, you put your music back on and hoped you could avoid him the rest of the journey. 

Some type of commotion broke out at their booth when their friend woke up. You still avoided them despite feeling his eyes land on you every now and again. Between your phone blowing up with family drama, and being overwhelmed by traveling alone, the last thing you needed was a fuck boy adventure. A fuck boy named after a fruit? You shook your head. 

As the trip progressed you watched as things got heated between Lemon and another guy you’d never seen before. You decided that this was a perfect time to go find a washroom and a snack. Walking through the train you began to get the idea you’d gone in the wrong direction but kept forward enjoying stretching your legs. 

You reached the part of the train where the snack trolleys get refilled. You hoped it wouldn't be rude to pay here rather than wait for her to come to your car. The door opened and the very man you were avoiding appeared. 

“And whatever she wants, thanks.” He handed the lady a wad of cash and she smiled at you.

“You don’t have to-” You flushed again feeling slightly aggravated. 

“I insist” He guided you forward, all your attention brought to the warmth of his hands on your hips. He stepped behind you towards the door. “Do me a favor, Babes? Take your time going back to your seat, eh?” 

“Um sure?” You said looking at him. There was something very offputting about the whole scene and yet all you wanted was to get to the bottom of the mystery. Why pay for your snacks? What type of business were they on the train for? Why was that other man arguing?

He disappeared and you took your snacks along with his change. You did as you were told, tucking your snacks into your purse, and spending some time freshening up in the bathroom. When you were back in your seat, both of them were gone. 

You snacked and started to read a book. Eventually, you watched the train become emptier and emptier. 

Tangerine finally passed your seat. You looked up from your book to see his ragged appearance. He was clearly in some kind of fight. He stared at you and you felt your skin get hot. This man was all the things you should avoid but still, you got up and handed him his change. 

“Thanks,” You said in an unsure tone. 

“Not a problem.” his hands lingered on yours for a moment longer than they should have. “Not a problem at all.” 

You smiled not sure what else to say. With a nod, you went to turn back to your seat when he grabbed your hand pulling you back to him. “Fancy a trip to the loo?” 

“Toilets? What could you possibly need me for?” You played stupid trying to buy yourself time to think of what the fuck was going on. 

“How ‘bout I show you?” He pressed a kiss to the back of your hand, his eyes devouring you. Should be illegal for a man to be that confident. And yet he’d caught you in his web. He guided you down the train keeping you close. You loved every bloody second of the attention he paid you. 

There weren't any real consequences? You’d both part ways once the train stopped in Tokyo. This was just a quick vacation fuck nothing more. While he had you, deep down inside you were starting to feel like you’d been ruined. He pulled a reaction from you that you’d never had before. Rather than thinking about it too much, you decided to enjoy him while he was here. A tender reckless moment in your life story. 

___________________________________________

This was beyond fucking stupid. Things had surely settled though. Lemon said he’d got the briefcase. No point in wasting an opportunity. He talked himself in and out of the situation before working his hardest to impress you. 

Why? Because you looked like you needed a nice time. Or was it because he wanted a nice time? He didn’t care. You were perfect meeting him for what he was with every thrust. Cleaning you up he realized it would almost be difficult to say goodbye. He was tired of this life. 

He walked you back to your seat enjoying how dazed you looked. Wishing more than ever he could take you for dinner, spoil you rotten with the cash burning a hole in his pocket. 

Unlucky for him things took a different direction. Pulling you from him permanently. The case was gone, shithead was still fucking dead, and Ladybug wasn't their diesel. He gave a disgruntled sigh as he realized there was someone unknown and very dangerous on this train. He needed to get Lemon and himself - and you - off this train as soon as possible. Before something crazy happened. 

The train emptied out and the journey got more and more complicated. After Lemon died and killing the diesel. He slid to the floor pinching the bridge of his nose. He said a soft prayer that you’d had the sense to get off before Toyko.

Lemon was gone. He’d killed some teenager. Everything started to hit him. Didn't matter though. Everything in his life was over. 

It was always him and Lemon. Everything they did, they did together. No point in carrying on - 

“There you fucking are - fucking looking all over for ya. - Your birds a right mess -” Lemon nudged his shoulder with his knee when he didn't respond. 

“You were dead.” He whispered, his throat tight. Eyes starting to get misty.

“Nah, just asleep” Lemon gave him a look, and they both silently decided to never speak on it again. “Your birds’ having a bit of a meltdown though. Reckon she could use a friendly face.” 

“She’s still on the train?"

“You fucking concussed? Obviously why else would I bring it up-” He didn’t wait for Lemon to continue and he started in the direction his brother pointed. Seeing you made his heart twist. You’d wedged yourself in a cupboard, quite an impressive spot really. 

“Come here.” He crouched down holding his hands out to you. You shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut. You were terrified and trying desperately to get your body under control. 

“Really, all the bad guys are dead. Just me, Lemon, and our friends left.” He said softly.  You looked at him with red eyes and he noticed the blood splattered across you. He remembered the first time he’d watched someone get shot. Slowly you grabbed his arms and you jumped when he picked you up. He liked the way you fit against his chest. How your body settled against his, eventually you fell asleep in his arms. He liked how Lemon was sitting across from him. Judgment was clear on his face, his very much alive face. 

Lemon went for a walk as the station approached. He woke you up with enough time to ensure you’d be okay on your own. 

“What the fuck was that all about?” You whispered, eyes wide. 

“Got hired for a job that was actually a different job set up by a big crime lord. Look, don't worry about it.” He looked at your face at a loss for words. When he went through this type of stuff, he had Lemon beside him to help reason with everything. You’d be out there on your own. “It’s not going to make any sense. Just try to push it from your mind. Enjoy your vacation and go home. This was just a crazy side quest. Don’t let it hold you back.” 

You nodded thinking about what he’d said. He knew full well you’d be running in circles over this for a while. He kissed the top of your head before realizing he was doing it. He got you off the train, taking a deep breath. He kept his arm around you holding you to his side while he sorted a cab out for you. 

Watching the car pull up he grabbed your face kissing you one last time. Probably not the best thing to do to a traumatized woman, but you kissed him back. Your heart rate beating fast, skin flushed. 

He opened the door for you and put your backpack in the boot. With a nod, he stood on the curb lighting a cigarette as you sped off into the early morning. 

His heart gave a twinge and he looked over to the happy sight of his brother making amends with Lady Bug. with a few last curse words you all parted ways. Lemon already had another job lined up, somewhere in the UK. 

____________________

You considered therapy. You considered trying to hunt him down. You decided on laying in bed for a few days. You missed out on the last of your scheduled tours. Not upset about the wasted money. You kept your phone off, without the energy to deal with the world. Various consequences of that trip on the train were becoming more and more obvious. 

On the last day of your trip, you finally caved. You bought a pregnancy test and collapsed in defeat on the bathroom floor. 

Such a mix of feelings. You extended your trip by another week and went to work trying to locate the other half of this mess. You wanted him - to know - to help - you just wanted him. 

You tried everything, looked everywhere. His tracks were covered, and tickets were bought by a company that had no internet presence or phone number. With a name like Tangerine, the phone book wasn't an option. 

You went back to your apartment. Dealing with your family was a painful experience that ended in you having a lot more alone time. They’d told you to clean your own mess up. You'd had the sense to leave before your father's temper resulted in physical harm.

Further devastation left you in a depression that stopped your hunt altogether. 

Thankfully you worked from home saving you from any office drama. Being shut up wasn't ideal, but it gave you time to research everything. Your friends vanished overnight. No matter how alone you felt there was the glaring truth that you were indeed not alone, nor would you ever be again. 

While drinking a cup of tea you wondered if you called the transit station if they would give you the credit card info the ticket was bought with. Somehow, they did. 

You looked at the phone number scribbled on the piece of paper. Your parent's harsh words and the look on your friend's faces reappeared in your mind. Maybe you should let this go. 

You still dialed the number determined to do what you felt was right. 

“Hello, how can we assist you today?” A female voice answered. You realized this was the company he worked for and you thought about some of the things they said on the train.

“I have a grab-and-snatch job. With the added bonus of erm - unaliving someone?” You said awkwardly. 

“Okay, do you have an account with us?” 

“No, a friend of mine recommended you for your reputation.” 

“Excellent, and did you have any recommendations for who you would like to work with?” 

“Tangerine and Lemon, the two responsible for the Bullet Train job in Japan.” 

“Interesting choice. The Twins have an opening next month.” 

Twins? 

“Erm - anything sooner?” Your hand rested on the obvious and quickly growing bump.

“How long should the job take?” 

“Half hour tops?” Enough time to tell him that it’s his, for him to disappoint you by denying it’s his then fading out into the world. Half an hour tops. 

You sorted out the last of the details and she scheduled you in for the weekend. 

“Before I present the job to them, how much is the job worth?” 

“Um - 50 million?” You panicked. 

“Oh, that’s above their rate so it shouldn't be a problem. It was nice working with you.” The line went dead and you took a deep breath.

Fucking fuck - 50 million? You groaned, why did everything involving him have to be such a mess. 

____________

Tangerine looked at his brother in disbelief. 50mil for a snatch-and-grab with a bonus if we kill a dude in a red hat with purple trousers? Other than his horrid taste in fashion what did he do to deserve death? An obvious and important question Lemon had overlooked in the debrief.

“This is why I handle these things you never fucking listen.” 

“Look it's in and out - up to the hotel room - in the room grab the case - and out. See a man in a red hat and shoot him. Or we leave him be and take the 50mil. You just hate it when I’m in charge. That’s what all this is about - “ 

Tangerine decided to avoid the rest of the conversation. No named buyer, no deposit, no former account. This is a big fucking red flag. Giant fucking trap. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, listening to Lemon prattle on he decided to just go along, without the energy to fight him. 

Since the train he’d been less and less motivated, 50mil would be another stack of money on the pile. If anything it wouldn't be a bad way to go out. 

“Lemon?’ He asked. 

“Wot?” he said fittling with the remote. 

“If we actually get 50mil for this -” Tangerine struggled to finish the sentence this had been their life for such a long time. 

“Retire,” Lemon said immediately as if reading his mind. The two of them hadn’t been the same since the train. Both of them flew a little too close to the sun that night. Not to mention there were rumors, stories, names, and all sorts of business in the works. Shady business behind the scenes. Tangerine was sure this wasn't the end of the Bullet Train fiasco. 

They got dressed picked up their requested goods from the concierge and moved up to the selected room. Going up in the elevator something started to prickle at the back of his neck. Hair raised on his arms. Something significant was going to happen.

He took the key from Lemon and moved into the room first just incase. It was a massive space. Sitting in the common area was a woman on a couch.

_____

Posting part two now!

[hayleysayshay]

I'm one of those ppl who think the equalist Asami plot for TLOK likely wouldn't have played out that well. I get why peeople want it -- giving Asami simply more to do is always a plus, and plus grey morality is interesting in characters, plus we get to flesh out the equalist movement as it is quite sympathetic.' The problem I have is that committing to a true double agent story takes time and I just don't think TLOK has it, and could easily fumble it. Plus I'm not that bothered about enemies to lovers, and I think Asami's 'redemption' arc would be seen as Zuko-lite.

So my suggestion to develop Asami more, but keep the story relatively uncomplicated for such a busy series with many elements in it:

-- Asami is an equalist sympathiser, not a full blown equalist.

-- She doesn't hit Mako with her moped. Instead, Mako and Bolin put an ad in the paper asking for sponsors. Who drops by, Hiroshi and Asami Sato! Asami accompanies her father as she is a bit suspicious of the probenders, sees probending as a farce. She's angry as benders killed her mother. But Hiroshi wants to sponsor the team, says some spiel about it being good business, gets Mako on side like the show.

-- Hiroshi is an equalist like the show. He decides to sponsor the Fire Ferrets as it gives him in an in on the probending world and the arena that he can report back to Amon.

-- Asami and Mako and Bolin spend some time together. She's suspicious but at some point prior to Hiroshi's reveal her and Mako have a talk. She vents about bending that she knows not every bender is evil but bending took away her mum. Mako says the same thing, bending took away his mother. But bending helped protect his little brother as they had nothing else to rely on. This helps Asami put somethings into perspective a bit-- as I think the discussion of opression in this universe cannot be solely limited to bending, it has to include class as well.

-- Like the show she is still fairly kind.

-- Mako and Asami do not date in book 1, but there is maybe some attraction between each other, but with Asami's bending reservations there is no chance for an immediate attraction in canon. Korra is still jealous of Asami just because she's beautiful and captures Mako's attention. I'm going to keep this version fairly similar to canon so Mako and Korra still date at the end of the series.

-- Asami still invites Korra and Bolin and Mako to her house when the arena is shut down as she's a nice person. Korra is like OWO at Asami. But then she finds an equalist glove in the house-- who would have that unless you're an equalist? And she and Mako muse that it would make sense if it's Future Industries tech, and since Asami lives in the house and has voiced reservations about bending before, it would make sense if she's the equalist and even making them.

-- Asami is heartbroken that her friends would suspect her like that. She's interviewed and released due to lack of evidence. At some point Mako and Korra and Bolin find the secret passageway, Hiroshi is revealed. LIke in canon, she makes the choice to side with her new friends. They apologise to her for doubting her and she forgives them.

The rest plays like book 1 canon (but with less love triangle stuff) and we could spend more time on the ordinary non-bending citizens being victimised by the police.

The reason I like this is that we get a more developed equalist subplot. Asami is kind, but she's wary of bending, and how it can hurt people. It's complicated. If the rest of the show supports that, then Asami is seen as a bit more complicated and reserved than just kind and perfect. She's a bit short-sighted in terms of her wealth giving her privilidge.

I think for the rest of the series, to give Asami more flaws and depth post book 1 you can a) play up her privilege and wealth and b) play more into her insecurities. Book 2 does show that she's worried about literally running Future Industries as a CEO. Instead of the show where her problems are fixed by a man (Bolin) punching Varrick, instead we can see her POV more and how worried she is, more time is spent on her handing over the company, and she also gets the chance to bring Varrick to justice. She can still date Mako and realise he's not right for her. She dates Mako in book 2 because he's there, comforting her, so that can still happen.

Book 3 and 4 can be similar to canon, just have more time with Asami. In book 3, we mention how she's angry and insecure and just needs a break from beng CEO, that she just doesn't get everything right-- which Korra validates her with and relates with her own struggles and pressures as the Avatar. They touch hands, look into each others eyes, they say they understand each other (the start of korrasami).

Maybe in book 4 she makes sure she's a voice for non-benders and intra-community relations, tying the plots from the start to the end together more. And more time spent on her loss of Korra and her anger at her Dad.

Idk. Maybe I just don't see the solution to Asami being underwritten is to put her into an enemies to lovers plot. There's plenty there in the whole series to build off whilst keeping her 'good' and relatively uncomplicated.

[shmaptainwrites]

𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 [𝐁𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐘 𝐍𝐀𝐒𝐇]

PAIRINGS —  Bobby Nash x GN!Reader

SUMMARY — complicating their situationship

WARNINGS — sickness (COVID), fever, swearing, mentions of sex

NOTE —This one’s been in the drafts for a while so I’m very happy it’s getting the chance to see the light of day also sorry it took me a few days to post I hated the ending so I rewrote it lmao

For most people the global pandemic meant working from home and staying away from everyone and everything, trying not to get sick. But as a frontline worker and a first responder, that was never really an option for you. For you and the rest of the 118 it meant rapid tests every morning, face coverings at all times, and setting an example for everyone else. 

To top off the complicated situation, over the time of your increased closed quarters at work you had developed somewhat of a situationship with your boss. The rest of your colleagues were unaware (thankfully) and you hoped through everything that would be the one part of your life that remained casual and uncomplicated. And it was until one fateful morning in May 2020. 

“Here’s your test,” you passed a box over to Bobby while he walked up to the kitchen counter, a cup of coffee in hand. 

“And here’s your tea.” 

“Honestly, I’m not even convinced these work,” you noted while pouring the buffer fluid into the small tube. “I have never seen a positive COVID test, how are we supposed to know if these are the real deal?” 

“Hopefully we’ll never have to see a positive one,” Bobby said.

You drank your tea and coffee and prepared something for breakfast while waiting for the time to be up so you could make sure you weren’t sick before you went in for work. 

“Uh, Bobby…” 

You looked down at your test while Bobby came and glanced over your shoulder. You looked back at each other with wide eyes. 

“You can’t go to work,” he pointed to you when the realization dawned on him. “Wait, I can’t go to work. What are we going to tell them?” 

“It’s fine we’ll just call separately, I’ll tell them I got sick you say that you went out to get groceries and got exposed, no big deal.” 

“And you can’t go out so I guess you’ll just isolate here?” 

“Oh God, this is going to end badly, I can feel it,” you pinched the bridge of your nose and shook your head. “One step at a time. I’m gonna go call the team.” 

“At least we know the test works,” Bobby called as you walked to his bedroom and you rolled your eyes. 

You both tried your best to deal with the team, Bobby having a bit of a harder time than you considering you called in first to tell everyone you were sick. 

“I think I managed to convince everyone to stay away for a bit,” you said while putting on a mask, Bobby motioned for you to take the package with you and you nodded, thinking it was probably for the best considering he wasn’t sick…yet. 

“Hopefully it’ll be a quick bug, right? Then things can go back to normal.” 

“Yeah,” you agreed. “And are you sure you’re okay with me staying here? I don’t really wanna be a burden and take over your room or anything.” 

“No it’s fine,” he insisted. “You’re already here and I have to be isolated anyways. Plus, it’s always nicer to have someone around when you’re sick right?” 

You just gave him a small smile with your eyes before retreating into his bedroom and closing the door behind you. 

As soon as it was shut, you could hear Bobby begin to clean up, washing the dishes and disinfecting everything with bleach and Lysol to avoid getting sick. You couldn’t blame him, it was an odd situation, maybe even a little awkward, you’d only ever come over after work and most days you left right after breakfast. 

It had started as a casual companionship that just spiralled into something where everything was unsaid. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror, only then realizing the clothes you had were not the best for being sick in bed. 

“Hey Bobby,” you called from your room. “Can I borrow a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt or something?”

“Yeah, that should be okay, take whatever you’ll need and when you’re better we’ll just do a load of laundry.” 

“Thank you,” you sighed. “And Bobby?” 

“Mhmm?” 

“I’m sorry…that you got caught up in all this and have to deal with me now…I just-,” 

“Don’t mention it, like I said, no big deal.” 

“Right,” you nodded to yourself. “No big deal.” 

—

Two Days Later…

“Uh Bobby!” you called, your voice sounding congested and followed by a loud bronchial cough. “We’ve got a problem.” 

“What’s the problem?” he asked. 

“Buck wants to bring me food.” 

“And?”

“I’m not at my house, what the hell am I supposed to tell him?” you groaned and flopped back onto the bed. 

“Just call and explain that he shouldn’t risk it and you’ve already made something for lunch and dinner.” 

That part wasn’t a lie, with all the spare time in his hands Bobby was cooking up a storm and you had the finest meals every day, but ate them in an awkward silence across from each other, a door between you. 

“Alright, but if I can’t stop him then we’re going to have to deal with the consequences.” 

Bobby didn’t respond so you picked up your phone and called Buck’s cell waiting for him to pick up. 

“Hey, how’s Miss Rona?” he chuckled when he picked up on the other line. 

“Not funny, Buckley,” you grumbled. “Look, even you can hear it, I sound terrible. I don't want you to risk it, Buck, don’t bring me food.” 

“Come on, I’ll be safe! I’ll drop it off at your door and then we can talk on the phone while you eat so you aren’t alone.” 

“No Buck,” you sighed. “I already made food for lunch and dinner, just stay as far away from my apartment as you can ok?” 

“Ok, if you insist, but don’t come crying to me for McDonalds when you get sick of chicken noodle soup.” he chuckled. 

“I won’t don’t worry,” you coughed. “Jesus, I gotta take some more Buckley’s, and please send my regards to whichever family member of yours made such a gag worthy cough syrup,” 

“Not related, but it tastes awful and it works.” 

“I hate how much I love that slogan,” you laughed a little, but it only sent you back into a coughing fit. “Alright, really I gotta go, tell everyone I say hi and that I’m not dead yet, okay?” 

“Will do. You take care of yourself.” 

“Thanks Buck, bye,” you hung up the phone and did exactly what you said you would. Poured yourself some cough syrup and gagged as soon as it went down your throat. 

“You okay in there?” Bobby knocked on the door. 

“Yeah, just the cough syrup,” you moaned a little and rubbed your head. 

“You sure everything’s okay?” he pressed. 

“I just…” you hesitated. “I feel like shit.” 

“On a scale of 1-10 how shitty?” he asked. 

You were silent for a moment before shrugging your shoulders and saying seven. 

“I don’t think there’s much you can do, I have a whole army of medication here, I just have to be careful and rest.” 

“Yeah,” he agreed, but his tone made him seem unconvinced. 

You tried to lay down and get some rest and what felt like minutes later you discovered had actually been closer to sixteen hours and it was the next day and you felt ten times worse than the day before. 

You looked down at the sheets that were soaked with sweat and when you tried to move your whole body ached like you had just run a 40K with zero training. 

You tried to speak, but your throat was dry so you reached for the water first, chugging it before knocking on the wall, hoping Bobby was awake. 

“Everything alright in there?” you could hear him get up and ask. 

“I-I think I have a fever,” you said wearily. “Can…C-Could you come check?” 

“Yeah of course, just let me grab a thermometer and a mask.” 

Bobby was back a few moments later and opened the door to quite the sight. 

“Bet you can’t even believe you slept with me huh,” you tried to tease to lighten the situation, but you could see Bobby had become so zeroed in on your state that it was no use. 

He quickly felt the back of your forehead with his hand before confirming his suspicions with the thermometer. 

“Wow, you’re burning up,” his hand cradled your cheek for a moment, feeling the heat radiate off your sticky and sweaty skin. “Let me go get you some Tylenol okay, and maybe an ice pack too. I’m not leaving you here by yourself.” 

“But what about-,” 

“I need to make sure you don’t take a turn for the worse. I don’t want to have to take you to the hospital,” 

You nodded and quieted yourself, watching as he went to grab you some more medication and that ice pack. 

The cold touch felt amazing against your skin, but it wasn’t long before you were shivering from the fever and wanted to huddle underneath the blankets. 

“Y-You know, I haven’t b-been sick since before I w-was in the department,” you told Bobby. “S-Still sucks a-as bad as I remember.” 

“I can imagine,” he brushed some hair out of your eyes. “If you can, you should try and get some sleep, it might make things a little better.” 

You wanted to listen to his advice, but as much as you tried you could not fall asleep. Your fever continued to get worse, but not bad enough to merit taking you to the ER. 

All the while, Bobby only left your side to bring you more food or something to drink. You wished he would stay far away from you, it was better he didn’t get what you had, but he seemed adamant on staying. 

It was things like this that made it hard for you to separate what you had from a real relationship, which it wasn’t. 

It was just an arrangement where you would meet from time to time and sleep together. 

Sometimes you just wished you could be out with it, ask him out on a real date and go out for dinner because if you were being honest, a couple weeks into whatever it was you were doing, you had already realized you wanted more, but as usual you were too shy to speak up about it. 

“Bobby, c-c-,” you were cut off by another coughing fit, at least you were wearing a mask, it was the least you could do to assure he didn’t get sick. “Sorry, can you pass me one of the cough drops?” 

“Of course, but maybe you should eat a bit more first,” he suggested. “Let me help you sit up.” 

He wrapped an arm around your back and placed you into a seated position before grabbing the bowl of soup for you. 

“Bobby, I think I’m still well enough to feed myself,” you chuckled. 

“It’s not everyday you get pampered, just eat the soup,” he encouraged and you didn’t have the energy to give in. 

You ate about half the bowl before you got full (in your defence it was a pretty big bowl) and Bobby passed you the cough drop to help continue to soothe your throat as the soup had done. 

“Hey, since I’ve already been with you in here, why don’t you come out to the living room and watch some TV with me. It’ll be a nice break from sleeping, trust me.”

“Sure, why not,” you pushed yourself up from the bed and with a little help from Bobby, walked to the living room and took a seat on the couch. 

You both agreed on some random TV show you both hadn’t seen, but by episode three you were knocked out cold. 

Bobby left you like that for a while, thinking it would be best to let you get as much rest as you could, but when you started to toss and turn and mumble things under your breath he had a feeling your fever was coming back and getting even worse. 

“Hey, I think we should get you back in the bedroom where the Tylenol is,” he gently shook you awake, but the fever was making you a little delirious. 

“Will you stay with me?” you mumbled. “Please?” 

“Sure if that’s what you want,” he nodded, helping you up and letting you lean on him while you walked back to the room. 

“Bobby,” you said groggily as you sat down on the bed. “Why aren’t we dating?” 

Bobby certainly wasn’t expecting that kind of question to come from you, but you had a fever, you were barely controlling the temperature of your body, how could you control what you said. 

“Well, I think when whatever this is started we didn’t really think about it…did we.”

You sighed and shook your head. 

“I just think we’d make a good couple,” you said shyly. “Cause I like you, like really like you, and when you do stuff like give me soup and sit with me when I feel like seven shits out of ten shits, it’s just hard.” 

While listening to you, Bobby had opened up the Tylenol and placed two in his hand which he was now handing to you with a glass of water. 

“I know,” he responded. “We can talk about it more when you’re better, how’s that?” 

You agreed and took the medication after which he helped you lay down on the bed. He glanced at you for a moment before lowering his mask and pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. 

“If it makes it any better, I was already yours from the start.” 

He placed his mask back over his mouth and nose before sitting next to you, his back against the headrest. 

You reached for his hand and he took it, holding it thinking if he squeezed too tight he might break you. 

He really hoped you would get better soon. 

—

Bobby didn’t want to bring up what you had said when you were feverish, fearful that you had said it while hazy from the sickness. He didn’t want to put any pressure on you to have a discussion while you were still recovering, so he thought unless you brought it up he’d wait for you to test negative. 

In the meantime over the next few days as you slowly came out of the slump of fevers and your cough died down, you fell into an easy rhythm of things together. It was simple things, like FaceTiming while eating meals or chatting across from the door, but it felt safe and familiar, like you’d been doing it forever. 

“Time for your test,” Bobby said, coming into the room with a mask and handing you the rapid test. It was just over a week and a half of being sick and even then you’d have to wait at least another week minimum to go back to work. Bobby had been planning on doing the same either way since he was constantly exposed to you. “I already took mine in the kitchen, I'm still negative.”

“Thank goodness. I'm kind of surprised though, we’ve been cautious but not like lock me in the room cautious,” you said. “How did you not get sick?”

“Just the Nash immune system,” he shrugged. “Let me know what the verdict is.”

You nodded your head and took off your mask once he left and began the process of testing yourself. 

On cue, you sneezed when swabbing your nose and Bobby chuckled like he always did.

“Is there like a button or something in my nose that just makes me sneeze every single time I put this up there?” you asked and Bobby laughed. “Hey don’t laugh! One time I sneezed before I could pull it out and I think I poked my brain.”

That just made him laugh harder and you couldn’t help but smile as you swirled the buffer fluid and placed three drops on the rapid test. 

After the agonizing fifteen minutes Bobby waited anxiously for the answer, but when you stepped out of the room without a mask and the test in your hands that spoke for you. 

“It’s negative,” you almost sounded disbelieving. “I-Wow it’s actually negative.”

“Maybe you should take one more just to confirm,” Bobby suggested and you agreed, only to have the second test confirm your suspicions. 

“This is great!” you grinned. “We can get this place cleaned up, relax and rest for one more week and then we’re back at it.”

You and Bobby high-fived and started by cleaning up the room you were staying in. A load of laundry hopefully got rid of any lingering sickness from your clothes and the sheets, a wipe down and vacuum took care of the other surfaces. 

Once the sheets were out of the wash, you and Bobby began to put them back on the bed. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he was going to bring up the conversation he’d promised he’d have with you, but every time there was an opening it didn’t feel right to say anything. 

Instead he decided it would be best to take the next week in isolation in stride and say something when the time felt right, not when you were trapped under the same roof. 

When the day came when you were supposed to head back out to work you could both say with a certainty that you were done with being cooped up in the house and were ready to get down to business. 

Chimney was more than happy to give up his responsibilities as acting fire Captain and as Hen so articulately put it, balance had been restored in the universe. 

“You know it was really weird not having you around,” Buck told you when you sat for lunch together, distances slightly due to the restrictions. 

“Awe so you missed me,” you made a cute squishing motion with your hands and Buck rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah sure, I missed you the same way I miss Maddie for five minutes then she starts hovering and babying me and then I don’t miss her so much anymore.”

“Buck, be nice,” Bobby gave him a warning look. 

“What come on, it's the truth, you’re like my sibling, it’s a compliment,” he insisted. 

“I know it was but the words by themselves really didn’t sound like it,” you chuckled. “Don’t worry Bobby, if he knows what’s good for him he’ll stay on my good side.”

“And who’s on your bad side?” Chimney asked, coming to join you with his food. 

“Currently just Eddie because he used the last of my sweetened condensed milk.” 

“You didn’t label the milk, how was I supposed to know it wasn’t for grabs?”

“Eddie, you know I use it in my coffee when I need an extra kick in the morning, don’t make excuses,” you playfully rolled your eyes. “Anyways, Buck’s always on thin ice, you and Hen are safe,” you noted. 

“What about Bobby?” Hen asked. 

“Hmm,” you sent Bobby a knowing look and he tried to hide the smile that came across his face, after he spent two weeks taking care of you he was on a side the others didn’t even know existed. “Yeah, he’s a few steps above you and Chim,” you said truthfully. “No offence, but you guys don’t make me desserts every week.”

“Fair enough,” Hen agreed. 

After you all finished eating you and Bobby cleared up the dishes so Eddie and Hen could wash them and he quietly asked if you could meet him in his office to talk. 

You nodded your head, unaware of what was to come of it, but when the door closed behind you and you saw Bobby sitting at the edge of his desk with his arms crossed you knew something was up. 

“Is it really just because of the desserts?” he asked. 

“I’m sorry what?”

“Why I’m a few steps above Hen and Chim,” he clarified. 

“I mean yeah,” you nodded slowly. “Bobby, what are you trying to get at?”

He sighed and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. 

“When you were sick,” he started. “Like very feverish, to the point I was almost going to bring you to the hospital, you said something to me. I promised we’d talk about it when you were better, it's just I could never seem to find a good time.” 

“What did I say?” you asked, unable to remember this conversation. 

“Something along the lines of why aren’t we dating. Actually dating, not just sleeping with each other every week.”

“I-I said that?” you frowned and he nodded, but he shifted slightly again, closing himself off to you and you tried to amend what you had said to make sure it didn’t sound like you hadn’t meant it. “I mean I just… I can’t remember.”

He nodded, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, um…what would you have said?” you asked. “If I asked you that now.”

He stayed silent before he eventually shrugged his shoulders, “Honestly, I don’t know,” he admitted. “I just think that if things go on they’re going to get more complicated. I think we should know where we stand.”

“And where do you stand, Bobby?” you asked, coming closer. “Am I on your good side? Or your bad side?”

You reached out your hand to take his and after running his thumb across your knuckles and giving your hand a light squeeze he said,

“You’ve always been on my good side,” he smiled. “And I know I’m a bit rusty, but I’d like to take you out on a date. If that’s something you’re up for.”

“Yeah, I think I’d be up for that,” you agreed and closed the gap between you even more, resting a hand on Bobby’s cheek. “I don’t think I ever thanked you for taking care of me.”

“It’s okay, good practice in case you ever get sick again,” he chuckled. 

“I’m glad to know you’d be willing to take care of me again,” you smiled, you leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I hope that helps a little with the thank you.”

“Maybe just one more,” he said before meeting your lips again just as the door opened and Buck said, 

“Hey Cap, I was just- WOAH,” he exclaimed. “You two?! I-How? Why?! What?!”

You and Bobby quickly pushed yourselves apart as Buck stared at you wide eyed while he was joined by his coworkers. 

Bobby’s face was very red and you couldn’t look up from your feet. 

“What happened?” Eddie asked once he ran into the room. 

“They were kissing,” Buck said, like he couldn’t understand how that would ever be a possibility. You supposed in Buck’s eyes you were both perpetually single forever. 

“What?” Hen asked with a chuckle. “When did this happen?” 

“Um a couple months back,” Bobby said. “Do we really need to talk about this?”

“Yes, we really do,” Chimney nodded. 

“You guys,” you looked up and saw they wouldn’t let go so you looked at Bobby to tell him you’d take the hit. “Look, this started a little while after everything got shut down. We both live alone and  it was hard not being able to see people so since we were in the same bubble we just…started to casually see each other,” you settled on. 

“And it’s still casual?” Buck asked. 

You pressed your lips in a thin line and Bobby shook his head. 

“No, I think I’d say it’s getting serious.”

“It’s about damn time,” Hen grinned. “I have been rooting for you two ever since you got stuck in that elevator together.”

“Really?” you chuckled. 

“Yeah, and plus now Chimney owes me five bucks.”

“Deals a deal,” Chimney groaned and placed the bill in his friend’s hand. 

“So when you got sick?” Eddie asked. 

“I was at Bobby’s, that’s why we both couldn’t come in and why you couldn't drop food off for me,” you explained. 

“Hey, why don’t we leave these two lovebirds alone,” Hen suggested. “I think you interrupted something, Buck.”

She dragged the team out of Bobby’s office and closed the door only for you and Bobby to look at each other and laugh. 

“At least we don’t have to sneak around anymore.”

“Yeah, but sneaking around was kind of fun,” you admitted. “But I’m glad they know. It just makes it more real.”

You held his hand and he gave it a squeeze. 

“I should thank your fever,” he said. “I don’t think I would have ever had the courage to bring this up if it wasn’t for that.”

“Who would have thought, a small positive in a global pandemic,” you chuckled and leaned into his side. And as odd as it was to say, you were both thankful for the isolation.

[snap-oversteer]

Is there any things you recommend to start learning about cars? Especially from a complete beginner standpoint

hi hi hi anon!! first of all thank you so much for asking this question and second of all: I binge youtube, and go to car shows. And play videogames.

A little bit of (disclaimer?) info is that I was never really allowed to do anything in my life, and that included driving and working on anything mechanical. We're still in that phase of getting out this box and branching out, so in a sense, we're both beginners on this together :)

Youtube - So there's a lot of youtube channels out there that talk about cars (and of course other automotives) my picks are the really silly funny ones. I personally watch MartiniWorks, spearheaded by Alex Martini. This channel is mainly focused on history and drama and of course useless fun facts about cars I wish I can afford. He has builds like the junkyard Ferrari and racetrack S2000 that keeps blowing up in retaliation against the government - Hmm, not into the history aspect of things? Want something more hands-on? Still want it to be silly so it doesn't bore you to death? Look no further than Garbage Time ! This channel is focused on mainly restoring weird little creatures and the video lengths are not too terribly long to make you wish you were in math class instead. Things to expect: trying to run the engine with chocolate / WD40, replacing the coolant with Pepsi, and restoring weird goobers you've never seen in your life. - What if you have a car and want to work on it? Getting serious about it? Then I must introduce you to every car guy's holy grail, CHRISFIX. This channel is all about the specifics and step-by-steps on how to destroy modify your car. Or maybe you just like the guy. Or like knowing how people work on cars. Either way, ChrisFix is a wonderful channel if you're interested in actually working on cars! - "But I like experimental vehicles and racing and cool expensive builds!" We have a classic for you, then! TopGear showcases the latest and greatest of cars, from the Tuthill GT ONE road legal Le Mans race car to the Bentley Blower, if you're one to simply appreciate great pieces of work, or you're a history nerd with a knack for enjoying sarcastic commentary, you're looking at the right channel.

Car shows / meets - My first experience with cars was a car show I went to by myself. The show included supercars, built JDMs, local cars, bikes... pretty much everything you'd expect out of a car show. I even have a tumblr sideblog where I post my photography. My tip when going to shows is don't be afraid to ask around! Car guys are simple people. You can come up to them and say that you're just starting out and would like a little explanation on what's going on with the car in front of you, they'll be more than happy to entertain you! You'll even make friends along the way :) There's different things to expect when going to a show vs a meet, I recommend going to shows rather than meets because meets are more closed and most likely held just amongst people who own said cool cars.

Videogames - Videogames remain a great way to learn and be accustomed to cars, and there's a lot of titles out there like NFS, Burnout, Gran Turismo, etc... so which one is for you? - Most mainstream racing games like NFS and Forza Horizon focuses on the gaming aspect of things. If you're looking for something uncomplicated and fun, those games are the way to go. - Lets get a little bit technical. Wanna learn how to build an engine, but you don't want to ruin your own? Car Mechanic Simulator. I'll admit this isnt the most detailed, theres so many things going on with a car and so many different platforms and complications, but from a learning standpoint? Really great if you're just getting into it or want to learn names of different parts effectively! - Ohh. Maybe you're that type of person. Experimental tuning and racing person. Assetto Corsa / Competizione, iRacing, Gran Turismo is for you, buddy. There is a steep learning curve that will force you to learn about different specs and how they affect the car holistically, and if you're into that, then I don't see why not.

Honorable mentions - [HOONIGAN] for very insane car builds. - eletor for really cinematic drift vids. - Misha Charoudin if you want to know what it's like driving a performance vehicle around nurburgring.

And REMEMBER, have fun! Everyone develops a taste in cars differently, some like muscle, some like JDMs (like us). There is no right or wrong way to enjoy cars.

I've only been into them for about 2 years, let's go insane together.

[shootingstarrfish]

Hi I wanted to ask one of my fav obey me artists this question: Least favorite to favorite characters? If you wanna say why, that'd be cool. If anything! Please have a nice day!

hii there!!! dearest anon stop being so nice you're going to make me cry AHSHDHD thank you,,, <33333

but what a fun question! for anyone who doesn't want to read my stupid long explanation for each character i will leave this tierlist here! all tiers (except the first tier) are organised by most to least liked within the tier from left to right

no i dont hate lucifer, it's just facebook relationship status (aka complicated <3)

i have plenty of opinions though so i'll go ahead and give some explanations too!! >:D under the cut because there's a lot of rambling here LOL

some of the list is a bit boring because i cant really say i hate or even dislike any characters, and i don't wanna be mean about any characters just cause they're not necessarily my favourites so!

that being said lucifer pisses me off to a comical degree and he absolutely doesn't belong at the bottom but my feelings about him are so ridiculously complicated i don't know where else he belongs? i wish so badly that i could hate him in an uncomplicated way and move on but as an eldest sibling he's such a personal attack on me and i hate it. he's me, i'm him it's horrible. every time i start to think "ahh he's not that bad" he opens his mouth and makes me regret thinking that. i still think about the time i chose to kiss him on the ferris wheel and he held his hand out after and i took it and he said it reminded him of his dead sister, i will never stop holding it against him. he deserves to be loved and taken care of and he also should be thrown off a cliff. im quite certain if i had to assign myself a sin i would pick pride and i hate it >:( (this is all very lighthearted lol)

diavolo used to viscerally annoy me for no good reason when i first started the game, but over time he's grown on me and i'd say now i'm neutral-positive on him!! no idea why i hated him, i was just very salty for no reason hahaha i've recently come to appreciate his character a lot more, im very :( about how lonely he must be and i want him to have more genuine friends please solmare

i think mephisto really is just the kind of character i need to see more of to like, he's very interesting to read character analyses of (and kinda relatable tbh?) but i just need more in game is all! i love his silly lil poses those are real fun, and he is pretty

levi is another i also used to hate out of nowhere? i was neutral on him initially and then i suddenly hated him with a burning passion until one of my friends told me she really loved him and im physically incapable of hating a character my friends love so we're chill again HAHA slowly beginning to like him though! what a pathetic sopping wet cat of a man, it's GREAT

OUUGHH i so badly wanna be able to love beel more, it hurts me to have to put him here but unfortunately this is the way it is... i think it's more accurate to say i love the idea of beel? and ive noticed i really like him everywhere that isnt the game, which again is unfortunate :,)))

LUKE IS MY SON he is babyyyyyyy that's all i have to say <333 my precious lil sonboy he deserves the whole entire world

everyone loves mammon, and i am no exception :D he's not necessarily my type hence why he's neatly placed right in the middle but ugh i love a guy who tries and fails miserably to act tough but is super sweet inside, what a guy <3 ok i flip flopped between putting satan and simeon in the love tier because i am so very fond of both of them, but that's too many characters up there so imagine they're both in a weird tier purgatory between the 2 LOL

i am in fact going to marry simeon and then we will raise luke together it's a fact simeon is everything he's pretty and beautiful and a very complex and interesting character ahhh

SATAN MY LOVE he's a very interesting case to me in that i feel on paper he should be the kind of character who would be on the top of the list! he's smart and kind and unhinged and would kill for you and he likes cats!!! truly husband material i adore him

im going to marry thirteen, thanks for listening to my ted talk <3 my darling beautiful wife who would laugh hysterically if i fell down the stairs i love u thirteen <3333333 we will be wed tomorrow and we will live the dream in her silly lil cave of pranks and curses

i dont know what it is about raphael but i adore him??? is it the wet kitten swag? the done with life expression? his ridiculous outfit? i couldnt tell you but i saw him for the first time and i was immediately obsessed everything i learn about him just makes me more obsessed, i love the fact that he enjoys solomons cooking, the way he's good at sewing and is kind but kinda scary, what a fun character

i could talk endlessly about solomon oh how i love this silly househusband wizard guy i was pretty neutral on him in the og game, and then he swiftly stole my heart in nightbringer and now i would eat his terrible cooking any day of the week just to see him smile <3 if i die seeing him happy that's probably the best way to go out all his calls and messages are sooo cute and they make me melt im in love please just one chance...

barbatos and solomon are typically equal on the list i'd say? but the barbatos brainrot is hitting harder now so he gets to be ever so slightly higher this once hahaha barbs is another that took a while to grow on me, not that i ever disliked him or anything but i definitely overlooked him at first! design wise i absolutely LOVE him, his demon form is definitely one of my absolute favourites. the unique but still put together suit?? the ruffles?? the bone wing horns?? ugh he's just very pretty, and SO interesting as well love a calm collected guy who totally has the potential to destroy you if he so wishes but has a soft spot for you

and of course, real shocker im sure, at the tippy top of the list would be asmo and belphie my beloveds <333 i love them both equally and i could never put one above the other i actually started playing obey me for belphie because one of my favourite character tropes is The Tired One TM, and im absolutely not immune to a cute emo boy either. i've grown to really love his sass and the way he hides his manipulative nature behind his sweet and innocent appearance hehe i also do love how ridiculously forward and blunt he is at times, what a silly guy while belphie was very predictable, asmo was a very out of nowhere character for me! i distinctly remember seeing him initially and thinking "avatar of lust?? i guess he's pretty but he'll probably just be the fuckboy character who makes nonstop innuendos and has no character beyond that, and i'm too asexual for this" so i avoided him a lot at first, but i'm very weak for how kind and gentle and charismatic he is, and the way he puts his all into everything and everyone <333 it didnt take long for me to realise that he's almost exactly the kind of person i aspire to be more like

also miura ayme gives me so much gender envy its not fair send tweet

[shortpplfedup]

Chapter 4: The Midnight of Lifetime

Oy what a mess. Alan fully enters the story in this ep and we start to understand exactly what the hell is going on there. Newsflash: it's as heartbreaking as everything else in this show. We're at the halfway mark now, all the pins have been set up and it's time to start knocking them down one by one, because now we're invested.

We still don't know the inciting incident for the cold war between Wen and Alan, nor why they're still sharing a life despite being very clearly over, but we can guess at some of it. Wen's talked about living paycheque to paycheque, so it's very likely when the relationship ended he couldn't afford to move out. Alan is still trying to save the relationship, so he probably hoped that by letting Wen stay, proximity would breed forgiveness for whatever transgression he committed. It seems like partly for the sake of appearances, and partly in the hope that Wen will relent, he's asked Wen to conceal their breakup as part of the deal. Wen meeting somebody new is the destruction of all of Alan's hopes of reconciliation. Of course he would freak the fuck out. The whole thing's rotten, as resentment is heaped atop resentment, misery atop misery.

Meeting Jim was clearly a catalysing event for Wen. It's like he was sleepwalking and that night with Jim was a bucket of cold water dashed into his face. And every day since, every day he watches Jim live his life trying to do the best he can by the people he loves, he craves more and more to be one of those people. A situation that was unpleasant yet manageable has now become untenable, because he's seen how things could be. I appreciate that he didn't want to bring his mess to Jim's door, especially because 'complicated' is his line in the sand, but by not telling him anything he let him get blindsided instead. Wen's dad and Gong both warned him not to cross the streams, but he couldn't stay away from Jim until he could get away from Alan, he just couldn't.

To be fair to Wen though, he's not the only one who complicated things. Jim did that when he hired Wen, when he brought him into his little family even as he knew how Wen felt about him. Jim's a bit unfair, he clearly wants Wen around, he wants him in his life, but only on his terms, where he never has to risk his own feelings. He's clearly traumatised by what happened with Beam, to the point that he can't even contemplate a relationship that is both familial and romantic with Wen. In his mind, he gets to have one or the other but never both. Alan showing up shatters the illusion of a neat and uncomplicated divide between Uncle Jim and Jim the man. Because he shouldn't care right, there isn't anything between him and Wen. But he does care, very much.

That divide between Uncle Jim and Jim the man is also at the crux of his ongoing battle with Li Ming. I wonder how long Li Ming has been living with Jim, and why he's there and not with his mom. Jim named him, and he would've been about twenty when he was born, old enough to have some hand in his early raising. It's clear Li Ming sees him as a father figure; as much as they fight and argue, when Jim lays down the law Li Ming is immediately contrite. He respects Jim, he knows Jim cares, he knows Jim is trying. But he also sees the ways in which Jim has given up on himself and it makes him angry, especially at the idea that Jim did that for him. Nobody wants to be thought of as someone's burden to bear. And Jim's so focused on Li Ming's future he's lost sight of the present, of what both he and Li Ming need now. I don't dream he told Wen, you think Li Ming can't see that? That he's given up Jim the man to be Uncle Jim? Think he doesn't internalise it, feel it, blame himself for it? Li Ming doesn't want to be the reason Jim works himself to death in that diner, living hand to mouth.

Li Ming's frustration with his uncle is in such clear contrast to the patience, the unending patience he has with Heart. In a way I suppose it's easier, because Heart doesn't ask anything of him, unlike the mountain of expectations from Jim. Them waking up together was so darling, the way they were just soft and silly with each other, how they're not too worried about defining what's happening between them, just understanding that they care deeply for each other and they're attracted to each other and they want to see each other happy. Heart pulling Li Ming out of his funk was so beautiful, because it reiterates that this isn't one-sided, Heart can do things for Li Ming too. I know Li Ming starting to sneak Heart out of the house is going to come back and bite them hard, but it made me cry that he took this risk to give Heart community, to give him people to talk to who could understand him. Because Li Ming gets that Heart needs more than just him. As much as he cares he can't translate the world for him. Heart needs to be able to be independent to be free, and Li Ming doesn't know anything about it, so he goes to people who do. And then he also asks what he needs to do for Heart as well as seeing what Heart needs to do for himself and...these two are breaking me, I'm telling you.

Side Dishes

I appreciate Gong being a Gym Gay, we don't get enough of those in BL.

I really like the energy and chemistry between Earth and Papang whenever we flash back to Jim and Beam's relationship.

The passage of time in this show is neatly marked by the holidays, and it is proceeding apace. This ep spans from the morning after Loy Krathong to Christmas Eve, almost 2 months!

Please don't let Saleng have pawned Praew's dowry...

Oh no it seems like Ms. Hong is sick...what is Gaipa going to do it if he loses his mom?

Has Li Ming asked Heart to go abroad with him? Is that why Heart has the flyer?

Next week it looks like all the bubbles everybody's been living in are going to start popping one by one. I have a knot in my stomach just thinking of the fallout from that motorcycle accident.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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155. Red Fox Road by Frances Greenslade--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

While I enjoyed RED FOX ROAD, I found it weirdly difficult to sit and not let my mind wander while I read. Normally, survival books have me in a chokehold, but it unfortunately took me a while to get fully hooked by this story.

But with that being said, I DID enjoy the story. I found it incredibly fascinating how this child was able to survive in a situation where most adults would be forever lost. The level of preparation she had was incredible and admirable. There were, of course, instances where he age came through in her loneliness and memories, and those were the moments where it made it even more incredible that she was so prepared.

Alongside her modern struggles to survive, we also get flashbacks full of grief and a mother with a complicated mental health history. The image we see of a happy family, bickering over being lost, slowly evaporates as we learn more and more about their past and present circumstances.

I may have also felt an incredible sense of loss and sadness by the end of this book.

RED FOX ROAD is a great book, not just for the survival aspects, but because it dealt with so many important issues that I think a lot of younger readers would benefit from.

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156. In Memoriam by Alice Winn--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I should just hand Alice Winn my heart because she already tore it out of my chest with IN MEMORIAM.

Listen, I knew this was going to be beautiful and that it was going to destroy me, but it doesn't make it any easier when it DOES EXACTLY what I predicted would happen. This book was beautiful, emotional, jarring, and unapologetic. Winn didn't hold back her punches and it shows wholly.

IN MEMORIAM follows two young boys (who are merely on the cusp of manhood) when World War One begins, causing the death of not only so many boys they know, but their innocence and childhood. I'm not saying that this book is the end-all for information about WWI, but some of the things I learned made me so mad and heartbroken. Especially the women who would give those stupid white feathers.

It was so eye-opening seeing the relationships between all of the boys when they were in private school, but also later seeing how those relationships played out in the real world. There were definitely some heartbreaking moments that happened with those boys that didn't directly relate to the MCs.

One of the most memorable aspects of Winn's novel was how she didn't shy away from the gorier aspects of war. No one was safe in her writing--one moment you're laughing with one character, and the next it's being described how he was blown up, or his head rolled off into a ditch. This book is hard to stomach for that aspect, but I think it made it for an even more memorable read.

The romance between the two MCs was one of those that constantly has the faintest heartbeats, with the occasional rapid palpitations. I think that was the best way for these two to have a lasting love for each other during such a tumultuous time (especially when their love was illegal).

Finally, another one of my favourite things about this book is how the two MCs create their own lives and live their own experiences after a certain point. They have the opportunity to show who they are and grow as characters before their love can continue.

Definitely one of my favourite books of the year. I want to re-read this one day and mark the hell out of my physical copy (I did the audiobook this time around). Such a powerful read.

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157. Done & Dusted by Lyla Sage--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

DONE & DUSTED is one of those romances that is simple, straight to the point, and is just a bit uncomplicated until the very end. I'm a simple romance girly, so I love romance books like this.

The best part of this book is how this went from enemies to lusty lovers in a blink of an eye. And while normally I'm not a fan of insta-romances, I think this one felt different because while the attraction felt like a "lightning struck" moment, these two characters have a history. They've known each other for years (through the FMC's brother), so it's not like an instant attraction with a stranger. Lyla Sage cut right through the longwinded bullshit of internal debate and just gave us a MMC who immediately knew he wanted to sleep with his best friend's younger sister.

I also liked the homey feeling of this book. I love books where the MCs have this strong sense of home and belonging, so no matter what happens they will always have a place to fall back on. Also, it takes away the opportunity for any bullshit because the characters are so unapologetic about where they belong.

The spice was good, but not abundant. The relationships with the side characters were good and added just enough of a deeper layer to the story.

DONE & DUSTED isn't the most memorable romance, but it was a good time. I liked how straightforward it was and how there wasn't a third act breakup. It was just a lusty and angsty good time, while being surrounded by cowboys.

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158. The Prospects by K.T. Hoffman--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE PROSPECTS was a breath of fresh air because I loved the way both of these characters had their own internal battles to fight, and that the love interest had a heavy case of anxiety (considering how rarely we get stories where the hunky love interest is anxiously walking through life).

The representation was great and I really appreciated that the author started the story with a disclaimer that this was more of an optimistic Trans sports romance. I extra appreciated this because constantly reading Queer stories with heaping spoonfuls of homophobia and transphobia can be overwhelming (and I say this as a cis woman), and I just want these characters to get their happy endings and the uncomplicated romances that so many cis and straight couples get in these stories.

But I also liked that while this is definitely a more hopeful romance, this is also something that explores and presents an honest view into the life of an athlete. I especially liked the comment of how sometimes winning a game is truly about luck and how even though one can be at the top, they can mess up, too.

I really enjoyed this romance and the heavy sexual tension between the MC and his love interest.

Star taken off because of certain instances where I wanted to punch a character. And because despite this being an intriguing story, it felt a little long. Either way, this was still an enjoyable read!

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159. Deadlocked by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will always be blown away by Sookie's character arc in this series. The way she grows so much through her experiences, to the point where she is wholly different and more mature in her reactions to things, is so impressive.

I think this is another one of my favourites because of the way the mystery is weaved into the story and that reveal. I never saw any of that coming or building up in any of the previous books. I also feel like we got some closure with some of the characters from the past books.

The story is clearly gearing up for the final book in the series AND I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I can't believe I'm finishing the penultimate book in this series. It's been a year and I am so proud.

Now to wait for the last book from the library!

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160. Older by Jennifer Hartmann--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love age-gap romances. I've always enjoyed them (within reason, of course). Of all the age-gap romances I've read, OLDER is probably one of the ones that I've read that truly considers the others who would be brought into the relationship and which had that history of abuse (for one character) that explains a bit more of how the FMC gained the interest in older men. It's not a sleazy, sex-crazed, and single-minded read. OLDER has so many layers to it that it was impossible to put down.

Jennifer Hartmann is one of those authors who write so well that you know your reading life is about to change. Her books are really hard to put down and they make you question not just your morals, but if you seriously should consider therapy. Of the three books I've read by her, this is probably my favourite, but all three have been impactful.

OLDER is definitely not for everyone. It explores a relationship that is highly questionable, especially by societal standards, but I think was done in an artful way. The relationship between the FMC and her best friend's father is a slow burn as the connect beyond anything sexual. There is so much emotion and heart in this book, and the FMC's past is so fraught with pain that I honestly just wanted the best for her.

This reminded me a bit of BIRTHDAY GIRL because both books explored the complex relationship between the couple before anything truly sexual happens, building that foundation that is needed for a relationship to survive the judgment of society. I think that more often than not, these relationships (in real life) are predatory--and trust me, I can sense it when I read certain books that have an age-gap, but give me the biggest of icks--but sometimes you get beautiful relationships like this one that consider so much more than the physical.

The relationship between the FMC and her best friend was also so sweet, but I can also understand how complicated it all was--especially since the FMC felt deeply for her adoptive family. This family and the steps the FMC takes to better herself were truly the best healing this character could have asked for. I loved it all!

I loved OLDER and I love Hartmann's writing. This was definitely one of my favourite reads of the month!

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161. Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I will give Meryl Wilsner this: her romance books are absolutely filthy.

As I'm writing this review, I am picturing that one locker room scene and I just, wow. CLEAT CUTE isn't overtly spicy, but when the spice gets going it is HOT. The way it's written is so vivid that it made me wish I could switch places with one of these characters because, damn.

Anyway, this is my second Wilsner novel and while I enjoyed MISTAKES WERE MADE more, I could appreciate this one for what it was. I was hooked from the beginning and loved watching this grouchy soccer superstar fall for her rookie teammate. Watching her slowly melt and be so confused as to why she's caring more about her teammate was adorable.

The rookie FMC was a ball of energy and as someone who isn't so high energy, I can understanding how she might be an exhausting character. But as one reads and learns more about the character, one might be able to further understand why the character is the way she is. I think once I had more context clues, I started to appreciate her and understand her. I have people in my life who are as high energy as this character and while some days are more tiring than others, I will always love their enthusiasm and excitement.

I also loved that this was about the world of female soccer. It's so under-represented in fiction, so it's always a breath of fresh air. Also, I loved the cast of characters and wish I could explore this world further!

I need to read more from this author because phew, she's good.

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162. High Wizardry by Diane Duane--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I love these books in theory, but sometimes I wonder how different a middle schooler's brain was back when this was first published. There were so many science terms and science situations that my brain noped out so many times. I am 100% not a science person and these books are always reminding me of that, LOL.

The adventure itself was fun and I loved that the MC's sister is now a part of their magical world, but holy hell the lingo. It was like reading A WRINKLE IN TIME all over again.

I'm continuing this series even though my brain doesn't understand half of the lingo. Also, this is starting to feel more like a teen series than middle grade one.

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163. Call it What You Want by Brigid Kemmerer--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I've been trying to read more books off my shelves this year and CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT has been living on my shelves for a very long time. I'm happy I finally got to it because phew, was that a great read.

We follow two teenagers after their lives have been changed completely either through their own actions, or the actions of those around them. And while they are navigating their battles with guilt, depression, grief, and inability to trust, another character introduces another situation into the mix. There was so much depth on offer with CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT, that it felt like I was over-full by the end of the story.

The way the two MCs worked off each other worked well because they taught each other some pretty important lessons about assumptions and different kinds of loneliness. I also thought their relationship brought some levity to the admittedly darker aspects of the book.

I thought the pacing was great and I found it super easy to read this one (physically) in a day. It's such a compelling story that I didn't want to put it down. I wanted to see certain characters get what they deserved (which was SO satisfying), and others have the awakening they needed to be able to move forward with their lives.

Also, I want to say that the level of forgiveness in this book between characters will always be impressive--especially since there was seemingly so little of it at the beginning of the book.

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Have you read any of these books? What were your thoughts?

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Happy reading!