#It was so hard to have not let this year turn me sour and broken tbh

[erodasfishtacos]

You Belong With Me | pilot!h |

Prompt: YN and Harry are enemies until they’re not. YN doesn’t need another relationship but neither does Harry. It doesn’t go smoothly.

Word Count: 19k+

Warnings: discussion of miscarriage

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—-—

It isn’t love.

At least not a first.

YN cannot tell you the moment she fell in love with him.

However, she can tell you the moment that she knew.

-

YN had never had a casual hookup, she’d always been in committed relationships, and had pretty vanilla sex that almost always took place in a bedroom without much excitement.

For a long while, she never thought anything of it and deduced that maybe she just was not one of the people who had a wild adventurous sex life or was bold - it was just fine with her boyfriend in the past, it was never anything to write home about.

She definetly never thought that she would find out that she did in fact have a wild side at work of all places.

YN reveled in not rocking the boat, she’d never do anything unprofessional at work, and she was always one of the best employees - some whispered that she was a kissass or a try hard, YN just wanted to do a good job and hope that most people liked her.

YN had just gotten out of her longest relationship so far - she’d been with Noah since her first year of college and had broken it off after nearly six years of being together just about five months into her new job.

It wasn’t working out any longer, if they were honest, they hadn’t been working out for quite sometime.

YN doesn’t know exactly when she had fallen out of love with Noah but she had.

It was a rocky breakup.

They wanted different things.

YN wants a ring.

Noah didn’t want to get married.

Even though it wasn’t the worst breakup ever, YN really was struggling with all the stress it had put on her because her whole life had changed now that she was a flight attendant.

She had to let Noah keep their two dogs which really felt like she gave away custody because he could be home every night to take care of them while YN was never home for more than a few nights at a time.

Noah had owned the house they lived in which meant YN moved into an apartment that wasn’t that bad but it really wasn’t anything special, it didn’t really matter because she wasn’t home often enough and packed boxes lay untouched for a long time.

YN decided that being single was best right now, it would be near impossible to find a relationship that would work with her hectic hours and she wasn’t going on a dating app to have mediocre sex.

It only takes one person to flip her whole life around.

And that is a fucking understatement.

-

It officially marked her seventh month at the company and her second of being single - both were going somewhat well in her eyes.

Her parents wanted her to find someone, wasting no time in pestering her because they wanted her to have a wedding, to give them grandchildren.

Honestly, YN’s has not been looking.

At first, the breakup with Noah went fine, pleasant even but just a few weeks ago, it had turned completely sour after Noah had told her she wasn’t able to visit their two dogs anymore.

When YN was home, she’d swing by at least once a week to spend some time with her two fur babies whether in his backyard or taking them to the local park for a hike.

However, he’s found a new girlfriend and has stated that it’s no longer a good idea for her to come see the dogs but also said she’s not allowed to take them either which means she has completely lost them.

Noah: It’s nothing personal. I just don’t want my new girlfriend getting the wrong idea, you know? Sorta a buzzkill to have my ex and me sharing dogs like they’re kids or something. I hope you understand, maybe I can send pics

“YN, hello?” Her friend Elaina waves her hand in front of her cellphone screen to break her gaze from Noah’s text message.

“Sorry,” YN mumbles as she locks her phone and puts it on airplane mode.

They were waiting in the employee area for their flight to be ready, a little lounge that was a bit too humid and the coffee was always out.

“I was saying that today is Pilot Styles’ first day with Paradise Airlines after moving from Coastal,” Elaina explains to YN and the few other women that were huddled on the worn couches.

YN’s brow furrows at that, “Am I supposed to know who that is?”

She had heard rumors that a new pilot would be joining their team, be their captain as Paradise Airlines were unlike other companies - they tended to keep crews together on the same flights to build a good coworking relationship.

All the girls look at her like she had a second head, Justine speaking up first, “How do you not know who he is?”

YN doesn’t quite know how to answer that, shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t remember anyone ever saying anything about that captain to me. Why is it a big deal that he is changing to our airline?”

Perry jumps in, excited that she gets to spill some gossip, “Well, we’re surprised you don’t know him because of the amount of shit that the stewardess’ bitch about him. It’s a big deal that he’s coming to our airline because every attendant I know hates him.”

YN wasn’t expecting that for the reason that he was so well known.

“I mean most pilots are a bit grouchy,” YN responds as she sips her coffee that has enough espresso to get her through the next ten hours, “They all seem a little miserable if I’m honest.”

Elaina laughs at that, leaning forward, “He’s not just a bit grouchy. He’s a straight up asshole. He’s probably the most unfriendly, unwelcoming person that I’ve ever met and I’ve heard from others that it’s the same. He treats everybody like they’re less than and is demanding, like everybody needs to bow down for him.”

“You’ve worked with him before?” YN asks Elaina, it sounds like she was speaking from personal experience and there was still annoyance in her tone as she recounts how she knows the captain.

“Unfortunately, I worked at Coastal Airlines for a few years before I moved here. Styles is probably around forty years old so he’s been here quite a while now. I didn’t have many experiences with him but I swear he made at least one attendant cry each flight.”

“Did he make you cry?” YN responds because that seemed to be what Elaina was insinuating as her friend picked at the foam of her cheap coffee cup.

“Once,” Elaina nods with a pursed smile, “I accidentally turned off the seatbelt sign right before major turbulence which was totally on me but Harry lost his shit on me, he wrote me a formal warning, told me that if i can’t do something as simple as button control that I should be working somewhere ‘more my speed’, and when I started crying - he fucking laughed at me for and told me I was being childish.”

“Maybe he was just having a bad day?” YN tries to justify because why would someone be so cruel for no reason, it didn’t make sense unless he was perpetually miserable.

Justine finally jumps into the conversation, “He has a bad day everyday. He usually sits down at the hotel bars for an hour or so after check-in. I’ve watched stewardess’ try to hit on him, get him to take them back to his room because even though he’s a dickhead, he’s fucking hot. A lot of the time, he just turns them down but sometimes he’ll toy with them. He’ll flirt, buy them a drink, and then laugh at them because they thought they had a chance with him.”

It’s official, YN already hates this Captain Styles, he sounds like a chauvinist pig and she hopes that she can just manage to keep a safe distance from him.

YN misses the social cues of the situation, she misses the way the other girls tense up, she misses the warning glances that they’re trying to silently give her, she misses the way their eyes widen at the doorway.

YN’s back was turned toward the door so she couldn’t see who walked in, didn’t even hear anyone, and shakes her head with a soft chuckle, “I don’t care how good looking Captain Styles is, he can fuck off if he thinks he can be an asshole to me. I’m not in the mood.”

And she was expecting some type of response from her fellow coworkers but instead they are absolute dead silence, sitting stock still, and looking down at their laps.

“Is that right?” A deep voice asks from behind her, it nearly sent chills down her spine at the tone, cool and collected but the sharp, authoritative edge was not going unnoticed by her.

YN squeezes her eyes shut for a long moment, already having a sinking feeling that it was none other than the captain, her new boss, behind her and had just heard her brave declaration.

She stands up, straightening out the pleats of her freshly ironed dress, and turns towards him.

YN feels her breathing stutter when she finally comes face to face with the man who no one has had anything good to say about and she feels a weird flip in her stomach.

They said he was hot.

But that really didn’t do any justice to the man standing in front of her.

He was hot, sure but he was devastatingly, intimidatingly handsome.

She’d never been so intimidated by someone based on their appearance alone, he was so beautiful that it was startling as he stared her down with a bored expression.

He was tall, lean but not in a scrawny way, it was obvious that he had lithe muscle on his body that was hidden away under his uniform, and said uniform fit him like an absolute glove.

Captain Styles had cropped brown curls with individual gray hairs scattered within, mostly near his temples which was the one of the only signs of his age, his eyes were a piercing green surrounding by dark lashes, and his lips were puffy, pouty, and currently in a frown.

YN realizes that he’s expecting a response and in that moment, despite his good looks, she decides that she’s not going to let herself be treated like shit because she has had enough of that from other men in her life lately.

She knows it’s only appropriate to apologize but she’s not going to grovel for his forgiveness, he could hate her because she already disliked him, and so she swallows her pride for the moment.

“I apologize, Captain Styles,” YN says clearly, not letting once ounce of anxiety slip into her tone, “That was inappropriate and uncalled for. It won’t happen again. I look forward to working with you.”

He narrows his eyes at her, studying her face and not letting the scowl leave his, its like he’s trying to look at her soul with how intent his stare is, and then he’s replying, “Unfortunately, I cannot say the same. It doesn’t seem like such a pleasure to work with you. However, I am hopeful you’re not as unpersonable with customers as you are with your superiors.”

YN’s has to stop herself from letting her mouth drop open at the harshness of his words, a ball of red hot fury beginning to build in her as she drops the faux smile from her face.

“I don’t think you have much room to talk about being unpersonable, Captain Styles,” YN tells him, making sure the words sound soft and just casual conversation even though it’s anything but - she can feel the eyes of her coworkers bulging at the confrontation.

Harry smiles brightly, his bright white teeth flashing almost dangerously at her words, “Even though it’s adorable, the attitude won’t last long. Not if you want to keep your job.”

YN doesn’t let that worry her, she could always find a job with another airline, there’s always a need and for some reason, she decides that she wants to pick a fight with this man when she’s never done something like this before.

“I’m good at my job and I’m friendly,” YN shrugs like she’s unbothered, she catches Harry’s fist clench tightly at his side in annoyance but it’s the only sign of it in his body, “I think you may be able to take some lessons from me because the latter seems pretty difficult for you, Captain.”

Harry’s eyes are dark, laser focused on her and no one else in the room, and her words don’t change his facial expression, he simply states to the room at large, “Change of plans for the flight to Heathrow,” He takes a minute to look at her name badge, “I would like Perry and YN to switch positions on today’s flight. The plane is boarding in fifteen minutes, please be prepared to board and prepare for takeoff.”

With that, he’s turning on his heel and striding right back out the door.

“Are you fucking crazy?” Elaina hisses as she smacks YN’s arm, “What the hell were you thinking?”

YN doesn’t really know what got into her, that man just brought something out in her that made her want to fight, to be a little be feisty, and get under his skin when no one else could.

“I wasn’t really,” YN admits with a nervous laugh, flopping back down on the sofa, “He’s just so arrogant, cocky. Men like that get on my nerves and I’m not going to let him treat me however he wants.”

“I have to say I’m relieved I’m no longer on cockpit duty but I’m sorry for you, it’s going to be a long flight,” Perry sighs as she sits up to throw her empty drink away.

Fuck.

“Of course,” YN shakes her head in annoyance, “Of course, he’s going to make me wait on him hand and foot now.”

“Depends, sometimes he really keeps to himself. Especially on the long flights but when he’s on a rampage, he’ll make the whole flight awful. Thanks for that,” Justine snorts but doesn’t actually seem that mad, like she knows YN is going to get the brunt of it.

“Lucky me,” YN responds sarcastically, it was about time they headed out to board.

Paradise had the nicest planes in the game, newest and most expensive, an average seat on board cost no less than a thousand dollars, and everyone had pods instead of normal seating.

It was for long flights, international which YN didn’t mind - she liked getting out of the country, sometimes she got to experience the cities for a day or so, not always.

The cockpit attendant was exactly what it sounded like, they were responsible for communicating with the pilots and then passing that message onto either the passengers or other employees.

They would ask the stewardess to check on things, give them drinks or prepare their food, and give them any updates that may be necessary for them to know.

Most flight attendants want the cockpit because it tended to be the easiest spot, didn’t have to deal with the unruly passengers much, didn’t have to be at their beck and call, and most pilots were pretty low maintances and kept communication to a minimum.

However, everyone seemed to want to face the customers for a ten hour flight than even have to talk to their pilot which wasn’t what YN had considered - it just shows how awful he is and she just subjected herself to it.

-

Takeoff is smooth, after a few minutes, Captain Styles’ voice filters through the intercoms where he discusses the flight, the weather, the time, and cursing altitude before wishing them a good trip.

He doesn’t bother YN until three hours in, pressing the button that signals to her that she is needed in the pit which she punches in the code and sticks her head in where Harry and his co-pilot are.

“Yes, Captain Styles?” YN uses her most professional tone because she truly wasn’t trying to get fired.

“Club soda with lemon,” Is all he responds without looking back, no please or courtesy - it was demand because he could.

“Yes sir,” YN has to make sure it doesn’t come out as sharply as she wants it, he’s already creating an itch under her skin, and its making her want to tell him off again.

She takes her time preparing the drink, no rush to be back which she’s hoping annoys him, and when she steps back into the cockpit, attempting to hand him the beverage - he doesn’t reach for it.

“I’ve changed my mind. I’d actually prefer a raspberry la croiax,” He again doesn’t make any effort to look at her and she swears she can see the slightest smirk at the corner of his lips.

“I’ll take the club soda,” The other man shrugs, taking it off of her hands so that it doesn’t go to waste, oblivious to the obvious tension in the small space.

YN knows that he’s doing it just to fuck with her, its unprofessional and immature but that shouldn’t surprise her with how much people have been warning her about him, right?

She again drags her feet and inhales deeply before reentering, hands out with the drink, and this time Harry reaches for it - she tries not to startle when their fingers brush momentarily, one of his rings bumping her.

“Miss. YN, I know I switched you position last moment,” Harry hums like he’s thoughtful, it actually makes her more irritated than when he’s blunt and cold, it like he’s playing a game right now, “But I think cockpit attendant is most likely the easiest job on this plane. If you cannot even get beverages in a timely manner than maybe you need some additional training or an even easier job.”

YN is absolutely staring daggers into the back of his head, she knows that this is usually when the other women cry or back away with their tail between their legs but YN wasn’t going to do either of those things.

She was going to kill him with kindness.

“Abolstuely, Captain Styles. I apologize for any inconvenience, I know you have such a hard job and I’m making it difficult. I’ll try better in then future, thank you for your feedback,” The fake enthusiasm is dripping into her voice and it’s obvious how much acting is put in to her demeanor.

She preens a bit when she realizes that it catches him at least a little of guard, his smirk faltering for a moment before his eyes narrow again and his nostrils are flaring, “Get out my pit.”

And YN has to contain her giggle, overjoyed that she’d managed to irk him, and it seems to do the trick as he doesn’t request anymore beverages for the rest of the flight and doesn’t interact with her nearly at all.

-

YN can at least give it to Captain Styles that it was a smooth flight, as they were landing and finally able to exit the aircraft - all the girls looked at her with wide eyes, most likely expecting it to look like she had cried recently but she hadn’t.

It was a tradition to dine together when they landed in a new country since Paradise made them a team and always paired them together, they were also at the same hotel which worked out for them to hang out.

Elaina, YN, Perry, and Justine were all sat in the hotel restaurant gossiping about different attendants and recounting atrocious customers when out of the corner of her eye, she sees Harry walk into.

He had changed from his uniform into a pair of loose black slacks and fitted black t-shirt as he headed straight toward the bar, he didn’t glance around to see his surroundings and slid onto a stool.

“He has no right to be that attractive when he’s that much of an asshole,” Justine grumbles, crossing her arms dramatically, “Almost every pilot sleeps around. Why is he the only one who doesn’t?”

“You don’t think he’s ever slept with one?” YN asks curiously because she doesn’t put it above Harry to do one night stands and then act like the girl didn’t even exist the next day.

“I think he was married at some point,” Perry shrugs, “And from what I know he didn’t cheat on his wife like most pilot’s do. I don’t know what happened but Brandy said she heard Harry tell one of his copilots that he was single a year back or something. So they must have gotten a divorce.”

That surprised YN, she knew that many people who worked for airlines and travel constantly tended to do quite a bit of sleeping around because they weren’t home often with their significant others.

There was a lot of cheating in this line of work.

So once again, it did throw YN through a loop that he wasn’t known as one of the serial cheaters like most pilots are - that’s not saying he didn’t cheat on his wife, he could have done it much more secretly but it’s hard to keep it that much under wraps.

“I’d divorce him too. I can’t imagine he treated his wife too well,” Justine adds in with a sip of her margarita and a chuckle, “Despite how handsome and charming he can be, he seems like a bit of a loner.”

YN was not going to feel bad for him.

The rest of the dinner goes well, Harry doesn’t turn to look at them once but he has to know they’re there - Perry and Justine got a bit rowdy towards the end of the night and their giggles were echoing through the room.

When they file out, YN glances at Harry which she doesn’t know why, and is startled to see that he’s staring at her through the mirror opposite the bar, only for a moment before he purposefully looks away.

-

“Fucking shit,” YN curses loudly in the empty bathroom, she’d only been back from dinner for not more than fifteen minutes and was about to hop in the shower when dropped her hairdryer right on the top of her foot as she unpacked her toiltery bag.

It was already showing signs of discoloration and there was a nice sized abrasion across the top - it was absolutely throbbing and the shower was forgotten.

She had showered before the flight and wasn’t too dirty which meant she was just going to wait until the morning.

Instead she slips into her pajamas which consisted of a plain black tank top and a pair of cotton shorts that had sushi rolls all over them - a gift from Elaina after a girls night of bad sushi which resulted in food poisoning in Japan.

YN had a bad habit of walking around barefoot, it didn’t matter whether it was her house, the woods, the hotel hallways - she’d grown up in the country and it was just a habit to not wear shoes when she didn’t have too.

She grabs the ice bucket from the countertop to go fill it with ice, she could wrap some up in a towel and ice her foot - hopefully to prevent it from swelling too much.

They had a flight back to the states tomorrow and it was another ten hour trip, they were required to wear a specific kitten-heel shoe and she knew a swollen foot would feel awful in it.

It was nearly eleven at night, she didn’t think there would be many people patrolling the hallway, and wandered out of her room down the corridor - following the signs that guided her to the ic machine.

She passes the elevators and continues down the row of room when she hears it beep and the heavy doors open, she doesn’t bother looking back because she’s sure it’s just someone going to their room.

Of course that’s not the fucking case though.

“It’s pretty disgusting to be walking around barefoot in a hotel,” A voice from behind her states with clear disdain in his low tone, “Then you get into a clean bed with filthy feet?”

YN internally groans because of course it’s him.

“Mind your own business, Captain Styles. We’re off the clock,” YN retorts back with more bite than she’s had all day as she continues to walk albeit at a slower than usual pace.

“Why are you limping? You weren’t limping earlier at the resturaunt,” Harry asks pointedly, his voice hasn’t softened and it’s like he is literally demanding the answers out of her, not asking.

Huh.

He was paying attention to her earlier.

Interesting.

“I dropped my hairdryer on my foot. I’m going to get ice for it,” YN can’t help the low but audible gasp that leaves her mouth when she steps down and a sharp pain shoots up through her already tender foot but then she feels the ice bucket being ripped out of her hand, “Hey! What the hell-“

“Quiet the fuck down, will you?” Harry hissed as he steps in front of her, cutting off her path, there was still quite a long way to go until the ice dispenser and she’d like to get this over with so she can rest her foot, “Go back to your room. I’ll bring the ice to you. What room number are you?”

He doesn’t sound like he’s doing it because he feels bad for her, his tone is making it seem like she’s being annoying and an inconvenience and if he gets her the ice then she won’t be such a bother to him - his facial expression isn’t saying anything different than that either.

“I can get my own ice,” YN tries to reach for the handle but he jerks it away childishly.

“I didn’t ask you whether you could or not. With how long it took you to bring me a fucking drink by the time you hobble back to your hotel room, the sun will be rising. Don’t make me ask again, what room number are you?” Harry grits out because he’s definitely annoyed but YN doesn’t know whether he has another state of being besides that.

“Three twenty seven,” YN mumbles defeatedly, she wasn’t going to stand in the hallway and argue any longer about a stupid bucket of ice, it pains her but she manages to say, “Thank you.”

Harry stares at her for a moment longer, frown etched onto his face, and he looks like he’s about to say something nice but then his eyebrows furrow once again and says, “Be more careful. I don’t want to have to deal with a new stewardess because you can’t walk and put some fucking shoes on.”

Then he’s sauntering off without waiting for her response and she can’t help but just look at his broad back for a moment in disbelief at what an asshole he is but there is at least some type of kindness underneath….maybe she’s imagining things because she’s tired and in pain.

There’s a knock on her door a few minutes later, she thought he’d be back with the ice sooner and she started to believe that he was purposely taking long because of what she did with his drinks on the flight earlier.

So when she swings open the door, she already has a major attitude as she snatches the bucket of ice out of his hand and scowls at him, “I know I took a long time with your drinks earlier but I’m actually in pain, its really rude of you to -“

Harry extends his hand, showing that he has a bottle of aspirin in it, “I went down to the little shop in the lobby and got this for you, didn’t know if you traveled with it but should help the swelling and pain for tomorrow’s flight.”

And YN actually feels bad because that was nice of him to do and so she sheepishly takes it, “I’m sorry I know we got off on the wrong foot. I just thoug-“

“I’m not going to be your fucking friend, save the apology or whatever you’re about to say. I do not care,” Harry shakes his head as his hands go back to his sides, “I’m looking out for my crew, nothing more.”

YN thinks she’s starting to see past his tough guy exterior even if she’s only known him for a few hours at this point.

“You bring every stewardess aspirin?” YN shoots back with a raised eyebrow.

Harry grits his teeth, jaw clenching, “I haven’t met one as clumsy or unbearable as you before.”

“It’s an honor to be the most unbearable one you’ve met in all your years of being a pilot,” YN flutters her eyelashes at him but there’s so much tension between them that she can almost taste it, she’d never felt this with someone before, “I look forward to living up to my title.”

It surprises her when Harry steps forward, their chests nearly touching, and he is looking down at her, “I’m not someone you want to fuck with, do you understand me? Listen to your little friends when they tell you about me, it’s all true.”

“I’m not scared of you,” YN shakes her head defiantly, crossing arms and bumping his chest just barely in the process but he doesn’t move back yet.

“I never said anything about being scared of me,” Harry responds almost conversationally, if he leaned forward just a bit more their lips would be connecting and….

And what the fuck.

No, YN, No.

“I don’t understand why you’re such a miserable asshole,” YN responds tightly, trying to reign in her thoughts, “But you’re going to have a hell of a time trying to make me fucking bow to you.”

Harry doesn’t like that, not one bit because he nearly snarls, and bites out, “You’re not going to last long on my crew. I’ll make fucking sure of that. I won't fire you but by the time I’m done with you, you’ll be begging to quit.”

YN finally snaps at that, this arguement clearly going no where, and she would have thrown the aspirin back at him but she actually did need it so as she reaches for the door handle to close it, she makes sure to let him know, “Fuck you.”

Harry's face transforms into a sickeningly sweet smile, dimples popping in his cheeks as he steps out of the room and into the hallway, “It’s been a lovely first day working with you, Miss YN. If you want to be intimidating, you might want to try it when you’re not wearing pajama shorts with sushi rolls on them.”

And with that, he’s disappearing down the hall.

-

As expected, the next day YN’s foot was swollen which made getting her feet into the kitten heels exceptionally hard this morning, her foot was already pulsating in pain by the time they got to the airport.

When they’re in the staff room, checking any updates for the flight, there’s a collective sigh of relief when positions are posted before they all look over at YN, she doesn’t even have to look to know what they’re thinking.

“You really pissed him off,” Elaina states as she frowns at her friend, “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Styles put the same attendant on cockpit for two flights in a row.”

YN was relieved in all honesty because she was going to be able to sit more than the others and she’d rather not be on her feet for hours on end with her bruising in the just the very beginning of the healing phase.

“It’s because I’m not going to take his bullshit,” YN responds with another sip of her strong coffee, “I can see why he makes people cry, he’s a jerk but I'm not going to let him win with me. He gets on my last nerve so I’m going to make sure to get on his.”

“And if he fires you from his crew?” Perry asks and it’s clear that she’s trying to tell YN to cool it with the attitude because they really don’t want to see their friends lose her job.

YN almost spills about the conversation her and Harry had last night, how he doesn’t want anybody new on his flights which makes her somewhat confident that he won't get rid of her easily but she wasn't going to tell her friends about that interaction.

Instead she tries to come off as nonchalant as possible when she shrugs her shoulders, “So be it. I’m not going to kiss his ass for this job.”

Elaina and Justine are giving her the same disapproving looks like they don’t want to see the Rama unfold which will most likely end in YN getting the boot as it was much easier to replace a flight attendant than a pilot.

-

It must be tradition for Harry to come into the staff room before the flights to let them know that boarding is happening soon and if there’s anything that they need to be aware of.

When he walks in today, he notices how the others straighten up and sit more proper than they were before, giving the captain their full attention and YN can’t help but roll her eyes.

She knows it's outwardly rude but she doesn’t put her phone away when he begins to speak about the potential weather hazards and turbulence that may occur on the upcoming flight.

YN wants to smile because she can feel the daggers that Harry is boring into her as he speaks and she blatantly lets him know how uninterested she is in what he has to say.

After he is done speaking, he asks if there’s any questions or anything that the staff needs and they all respond pretty much in unison saying ‘ no Captain’ everyone except YN.

YN has never, not once been so insubordinate at work, she fucking thrived on being a model employee and for the life of her, she could not explain the brattiness that Harry brought out in her.

She was having fun making him angry and she’s never been that type of person, it was like she was also enjoying his attention even though it was negative but YN wouldn’t admit that.

It seems pretty easy to rile him up, get him on-edge, his bullshit tolerance was seemingly low which made it easy for YN to succeed.

“Miss YN, I’d like to see you privately. Now,” Harry orders with no budge, he hasn’t raised his voice but the words are distinct and pronounced.

“She’s just having a bad day,” Elaina, always the good friend, tries to justify because she’s definitely afraid that YN is about to get fired, “She doesn’t usu-“

“Did I ask you?” Harry snaps at the women, his eyes fiery now with confrontation, “Did I ask for your opinion? I think I can do my job just fine without your input, stewardess.”

He managed to make the job title seem less than or demeaning in the way it came out but Elaina’s eyes go wide in surprise and she instantly quiets back down.

“If you find it necessary to try to tell me how to manage my crew, you can start looking for another airline to work for,” Harry threatens but his gaze is already back on YN, her heart absolutely sinks when she hears Elaina start to sniffle to hold back tears.

That was the normal effect that he had on others, a few really harsh and threatening words would make them cry because they were scared of him and his wrath.

YN pats Elaina’s thigh, in a silent ‘thank you’ for trying to stick up for her but she pushes herself off the couch, quickly hiding the grimace when her foot reminds her it’s injured and grabs the handle of her heavy luggage.

“Fifteen minutes,” Harry tells the rest of them before he’s going back out the door but this time with YN in tow, again slower than usual as she’s trying to manage this bruised foot in heels.

Harry doesn’t take her far, just down the hall to an empty conference room and shuts the door - she wants to smile with how angry he seems to be but she also hates how handsome he was when he was like this.

His jaw was clenched but it showed off how defined and cut it was, his puffy lips were pouty and a bit swollen from biting them, and he made his shoulders as broad as possible like he was trying to puff up in defense.

“I think it’s a fucking record,” Harry almost growls as he crosses his arms, putting his hat on the table, “I don’t think I’ve ever despised a stewardess as quickly as you. How have you gotten anywhere in life with that spoiled attitude?”

“I could ask the same,” YN raises her eyebrow because he doesn’t have room to talk on attitude, “I’m not normally like this. You just bring out the absolute worst in me.”

“Good to know I have such an effect on you,” Harry smiles smugly, his teeth gleaming and those same dimples popping, “That I can get you so worked up.”

It definitely had a double meaning laced in those words.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” YN laughs like he’s told the funniest joke, “You’re not as great as you think you are. I’m not impressed.”

And bingo.

That must strike a nerve with him.

YN can already tell nobody ever tells him that.

His teasing smile drops into something stormier, “Cut the bullshit now. When I’m talking, you listen and pay attention, you’re not some silly little teenager who can’t take a moment away from her phone. I know what you’re doing. I’m not going to be disrespected so blatantly in front of my crew.”

YN’s insides sorta twist at that because when he lays it out like that, it was really fucking rude of her and just because they’re having issues doesn’t give her the right to be so outwardly disrespectful in front of the crew.

She actually means it when she says, “I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”

Harry’s eyebrows raise like he’s surprised that she sincerely apologized but it relaxes him a bit after the apology, shoulders dropping just the slightest, and YN’s mind starts to drift on what his broad shoulders look like underneath the perfectly pressed uniform…

No.

Absolutely fucking not.

But god, even if YN couldn’t stand his personality, she really couldn’t deny how fucking attracted she was to him, it would be hard not to with how beautiful he is.

It helps to know that he doesn’t sleep with people he works with which means that she could fully keep this a fantasy.

“See you can be an obedient little puppy,” Harry lets the condescending tone lace through his words.

YN has to clench her fists by her side to avoid smacking the ever living shit out of him.

“Go fuck yourself,” YN hisses because he’s now managed to completely piss her off, “I take back my god damn apology. You absolute douchebag.”

Harry smiles again, eyes twinkling under the fluorescent lights because he got the reaction he wanted out of her, and watches in amusement when YN grabs her luggage handle and though she can’t storm out of the room as she’d like with her foot, she exits without another word.

When she’s a bit down the hall, she stops, leaning against the wall as removes her shoe, massaging at the tender skin that was already pulsing from being in the heel.

It felt good to have it off for a moment but of course, Harry decides to come the same way down the hall which makes YN cut her rest short and slip back on her heel without looking at him.

As she starts back down the hallway, almost like yesterday night, the handle of her suitcase is pried from her hand by none other than Harry as he strolls down the hall, “What the fuc-“

“Keep your voice down,” Harry chides sharply, taking the duffle off her shoulder and swinging it over hers, “We’ll never make it to board on time with you limping around like this. C’mon, I don’t like being late and you’re going to make me.”

YN’s argument dies on her tongue because it’s actually very nice of him to be lugging her suitcase and duffel which they don’t say anything else but when they get inside the plane - Harry tucks them away for her too.

She’s relieved none of her friends are on board yet because she knew they would have a ton of questions if they saw what just happened.

And YN would not have a fucking clue how to explain it.

-

The next three months go on basically the same since being on the same flight crew with Harry, they would constantly go at it before flights, Harry would drag her into a private room and they’d argue a bit before he’d take her luggage to the terminal for her.

They never interacted at the hotel restaurant or bar but they happened to bump into each other a lot as YN made it a habit to get ice at night around the same time and they both never mentioned how Harry was magically coming up to his room at that time and would walk to the ice machine and back to her room together.

As time went on, the night walks with Harry, there wasn’t always much conversation, occasionally bitching about an unruly passenger or an idiot staff member, quite a bit of jabbing and poking at each other but it didn’t seem so filled with hatred anymore.

It wasn’t a pleasant relationship at all, they were both pretty awful to each other and YN typically ended every conversation they had with a ‘fuck you’ or some variation of it but now there were some not so hostile moments mixed in between them.

They weren’t friends, not even cordial really but YN knew that she had a closer relationship to Harry than anyone else on the crew and she’d had kept that hidden from her friends.

She didn’t want them to get the wrong impression, she knew they would jump to the conclusion that they were hooking up or that she liked him in that way - it was better to keep it on the down low even if there really wasn’t much to report.

It had been a late flight in, everyone had eaten one of the lackluster meals on the plane, and headed up to their hotel room the moment they landed to go to sleep.

YN was on the same boat, not bothering to get the unnecessary ice tonight, and she’s just stepped into her room when her phone buzzes with a text message from her friend back home.

Micah: What a dick. I didn’t even know he was in a new relationship, let alone that serious. [image attachment]

YN opens the conversation to a screenshot from Noah’s instagram, she’d blocked him after he refused to let her see the dogs anymore, and it was a picture of his most recent post.

He was holding a girl she didn’t recognize, her legs wrapped around Noah’s hips and her left hand held up to their face where they’re kissing, and a prominent diamond sat on her finger.

The caption was something sickeningly sweet about her saying ‘yes’ and how excited he is for the rest of their lives together.

They hadn’t even been broken up for an entire year yet.

One of the main reasons that they broke up in the first place was because after six years, YN was ready to settle down and get married but he said that he just didn’t want that right now and he wasn’t sure if he ever really wanted to get married.

It turns out that he just really didn’t want to marry her.

God, she was over him but the rejection still fucking stung.

She deletes the photo from the conversation so she doesn’t have to look at it any longer and she can’t go back to hyperfixate on it later but she felt like a bus just hit her suddenly as she sat in her empty hotel room.

YN wipes her eyes roughly, refusing to let herself cry over it, and instead, she does something she typically never does while she’s traveling for work - she slips on her shoes and heads right down to the hotel bar to get drunk.

The flight the next day wasn’t until noon so she didn’t have to roll out of bed super early and she just wanted to feel numb right now which alcohol had a great way of doing.

It was a bit busy for a weeknight, quite a few businessmen scattered around the lounge, a few couples, and a few lone people like herself when she sits down on a bar stool and orders Long Island.

YN wasn’t a light weight per se but it really didn’t take her much to be feeling good and by her third one, she was feeling warm and fuzzy, not as awful as she felt an hour earlier.

She was drunk, not to the point of blacking out or being belligerent but enough that she was ready to curl into bed and have a night long sleep and pray not to have a nasty hangover.

YN’s just ordered her fourth, a bit surprised that the bartender allowed it but she wasn’t showing any sign of being smashed, and then someone slid up beside her, close to where their shoulders brushed.

It was stupid but momentarily she wished it was Harry, thought it would be him but she frowns when it's one of the businessmen from the lounge that is grinning at her.

“Can I buy you a drink?” He asks even though he can see that she has a completely full one right in front of her.

“I’m good, thank you,” YN tells him without much kindness in her tone to let him know that she’s not interested in whatever he wants from her but that doesn’t seem to deter her.

“C’mon, just one? It’d be a crime not to buy a drink for someone so gorgeous,” He lays it on hard, he wasn’t sitting and he was too much in her space for her liking.

“I said no,” YN replies firmly, it was obvious in her body language that he was making her uncomfortable but he really didn’t seem to care.

“Are you married? What’s the big fuckin’ deal? I don’t see a ring on your finger, just have a drink-“ The man pushes, angrier as he realizes that he’s being rejected, YN ignores the wedding band on his finger.

“Is there an issue here?” A startling loud voice states from behind them and YN slumps in relief when she realizes that it was Harry.

“Who the fuck are you?” The businessman retorts, puffing up his chest and posturing like he was ready for a fight.

“Her husband,” Harry lies easily, he’s not as worked up as the man he’s confronted but he doesn't need to be - his presence and the way he holds himself is ten times more intimidating than the other man.

The businessman looks between the two of them before rolling his eyes, snatching his freshly ordered beer off the counter and going back to the table with his friends.

“Thanks for that,” YN tells him as she goes to take a sip of her drink.

Harry doesn’t allow her, intercepting the glass and putting it back on the bar, “You’re drunk. I think you’ve had enough to drink. It’s time for you to get to bed.”

YN frowns at the full drink, she can’t help the spoiled whine in the back of her throat, “But I want it.”

Harry surprisingly lets out a soft laugh, his hand coming to her shoulder and his thumb rubs a circle for a moment before he’s pulling back - realizing what he did but doesn’t lose his smile, “I know you do, seem to be really enjoying them but I think it’s time for you to get back to your room.”

“Mm, a few more sips,” YN coos which isn’t her normal behavior but she was drunk, she couldn’t be blamed for being a bit flirty with the prettiest man she’d ever seen, “S’good and sugary, make me forget.”

Harry’s brow furrows, “That’s an awful reason to drink. What are you trying to forget?”

YN shakes her head as she begins to pull out her wallet, grabbing a few bills but she stops when Harry directly hands the bartender enough to cover it.

“You didn’t have to do that,” YN mumbles because she doesn’t know why he was being nice to her.

“I know I didn’t, come on,” Harry replies, he gently holds her shoulder as she clumsily gets off the bar still and when she stumbles, Harry wraps his arm around her waist but just barely touching her to guide her, “You’re a sloppy drunk, aren’t you?”

YN pouts at that as they leave the bar, “I don’t drink a lot. I don’t think I’ve gotten drunk in the last year or two.”

“Why now?” Harry asks as he presses the button up when YN starts to tilt - the hand on her back finally moves to her hip, gripping her with more pressure to keep her standing.

YN snorts unattractively, her eyes were getting bleary and heavy, she was getting tired which happened when she drank liquor.

“Like you care why I’m sad,” YN scoffs as they’re stepping into the lift, he leans forward to press the number to their floor.

Harry pauses for a moment, he doesn’t tell her he cares but instead repeats more firmly, “Tell me what’s going on. I’m sick of asking.”

“My ex just got engaged,” YN whispers and fuck, she feels tears begin to prick at her eyes as she say it out loud.

“He’s your ex for a reason, why are you upset?” Harry responds but he doesn’t seem judgemental but curious.

“I was with him for six years. We broke up two months into this job. He said he didn’t want to be tied down, he didn’t think he ever wanted to get married, and he didn’t want me waiting around for a ring and babies,” YN swallows as she wipes at her cheeks, mascara was definitely starting to rub, “Less than a year later, he’s already proposed to a girl he barely knows. I don’t know why I wasn’t good enough for him. I was a good partner.”

Harry’s silent as the elevator goes up, his hand doesn’t leave her hip even though she’s not swaying but she appreciates it's ground her and makes everything seem a little less worse.

“I’m sorry,” Harry finally says and he doesn’t sound like he’s being condescending - it actually sounds like he means it, “I cannot imagine what that feels like to go through. I can’t imagine why he would do that. You’re smart, intelligent-“

“Don’t act like you don’t hate me, Harry. Just to make me feel better,” YN butts in because she doesn’t need him to butter her up when she knows he doesn’t mean those things.

“I don’t hate you,” Harry’s voice is deep but quieter than it usually is, “You get on my nerves nearly every fuckin’ second of the day but that doesn’t mean that I don’t see how smart, quick-witted, beautiful you are.”

YN bites her lip because she didn’t realize that she needed to hear that, it’s been a long while since she’s got a compliment, and in about the year leading up to ending her relationship with Noah - he’d never say anything nice like this.

“Thank you, I-I haven’t heard anything nice like that in a while,” YN tells him as she continues to swipe away tears and look down at her feet because she can feel Harry’s eye watching her and she’s embarrassed she’s responding this way.

“You should be hearing those things everyday,” He sighs and squeezes the plush of her hip kindly, guiding her again when the elevator at or door opens, “I know it’s a bit ironic considering our style of communication but I do mean those things.”

YN tells him her room number and they begin walking down the left of the hallway, her mind is fuzzy but feels a little more clear after their conversation, “It’s fine, I’m just as bad and I started it for the most part. I don’t expect to hear those things from you.”

As they wind up at her door, Harry steps back and puts his hands into his pockets, “I should be nicer to you but I hate to admit I enjoy getting under your skin and making you angry. You’re quite pretty when you're pissed at me.”

And YN’s mind goes to insecurity right away because she knows that Harry doesn’t like her even though he said he doesn’t hate her, he has no reason to be this nice to her and even though they’ve had moments through the past months of niceness …

She doesn’t know what makes her blurt this out and she wishes she could swallow it as soon as it came out of her mouth.

“Are you trying to be all nice to sleep with me or something? Then you’ll be a dick again once you get what you want?” YN’s words are just a bit slurred but hold a somewhat curious, somewhat accusing tone as she watches him.

The small smile that had been on his face for their conversation drops and in its place was a frigid scowl and before he even spoke, she knew that she had offended him but the way his shoulders tense up and he takes another step back from her.

“You know what’s fucked up? I finally try to put myself out there just the littlest bit for you and all you can think is that I want to fuck you? You think that lowly of me?” Harry’s soft whispers were gone and back was the cold, emotionless bravado that echoed off the empty hallway walls, “That I was just trying to use you?”

“I-Harry, I didn-no, I didn’t,” YN begins to stumble because unlike their usual back and forth arguing that dissipates in meaningless banter, this wasn’t that - she had actually upset him and that was never her intention.

“Save it your bullshit apology,” Harry replies to cut her off, shaking his head like he’s disappointed in how idiotic he’s been, “I’m done trying if this is where it fucking gets me. I knew it wasn’t fucking worth it.”

And with that, he’s storming away from her without another word and he doesn’t look back as she stares after him dumbfounded at what the fuck just happened.

The flight the next day home, Harry puts her back on the back crew which was the further position away from the cockpit who dealt with the consumers in the back of the aircraft.

Her friends congratulate her on getting away from the pit because they didn’t know anything about how Harry and hers relationship has developed but all she could feel was anxiety about how much she’d fucked up.

He doesn’t come into the staff room before takeoff and is already in the pit when the stewardess’ board, YN doesn’t see him until the crew is heading off the plane.

Harry makes it clear he’s looking for no interaction as he hustles through the terminal with long strides.

-

They have a three day break and during that time, YN isn’t even thinking about Noah and his new engagement that originally had her so torn up in the first place.

All she could think about was Harry.

She had a wishful thinking that the time off would heal the wounds and they’d be back to normal but she knew that wasn’t the case when Harry put her again on the back crew.

She did not see him throughout the flight once again and stayed behind while the stewardess got off the aircraft when they landed which meant YN knew she wasn’t going to see him.

He makes a habit of this for the next three flights as well before YN can’t take it anymore, knowing that he’s actively avoiding her because she’d hurt his feelings.

He didn’t come to the hotel bar, he didn’t meet her in the hallway for their ice run, and it was more devastating than YN though which made her come to the frightening revelation that she might have a crush on the man she’d been mostly enemies with for over six months now.

She missed interacting with him, she missed fighting with him.

She missed the way his jaw clenched when she made him irritated, the way he looked like he wanted to reach out and manhandle her when she purposely ignored him when he called for her on flights and he had to come out of the pit, or the way he would squeeze her wrist lightly sometimes as a thank you when she would bring him a drink.

YN didn’t want to admit to herself that she felt something, maybe it wasn’t full blown feelings but just a smidge of fondness for the grumpy bastard.

And maybe part of it was that she felt special, Harry didn’t soften for anyone else but her and even though she didn’t tell her friends about it - she knew they were suspicious that YN was constantly on pit duty or that she hasn’t gotten fired after how sassy she can be to her captain.

After the fourth flight of no sign of communication, YN decides that she needs to take matters into her own hands because she didn’t know what she wanted with Harry but she didn’t expect it to suck this much when he didn’t engage with her.

They’re in Milan and when Harry doesn’t show up at the hotel bar, well YN wasn’t expecting him to at this point, and she needed to figure out what hotel room he was in.

She’d normally never be so deceptive but she was desperate, she walks straight up to the front desk and tells a bold-face lie to the young receptionist.

“My boss left his phone at the bar,” YN lies, flashing her own phone quickly, “I completely forgot what room he said he was in. Would you be able to tell me?”

The girl doesn’t think anything of it as she looks up the information, letting YN know what room and YN is thanking her before walking determinedly to the elevators.

It’s late by this point, nearing eleven and she was praying that he wasn’t asleep as she stepped up to his door, her heart was pounding out of her chest at the mere thought of being rejected.

It takes a good three minutes before she finally musters up the courage to knock on the door a few times - god, she didn’t even know what she wanted to say to him.

There’s a bit of rustling behind the door, YN wonders if he’s going to open it - there’s no peephole on these ones and her breathing freezes when he swings open the door.

He was in a pair of gray joggers that were low on his hips, the band of his underwear peeking over but the main thing was that he was shirtless and he had tattoos everywhere.

Her brain couldn’t tell if it wanted to focus on memorizing the black ink on his skin or the definition of his stomach, a trail of sparse hair leading from his belly button into his underwear.

Harry doesn’t give anything away from his face, blunt and cold, “Can I help you?”

“I want to say I’m sorry,” YN decides that is the best place to start, “You were kind to me that night and before that even, it wasn’t right over me to insinuate you were doing it for an inappropriate reason.”

“I don’t need a fucking apology, I don’t care,” Harry bites out and YN knows that his guard is a hundred percent up by the way his posture is uncomfortable and defensive.

“You do care,” YN replies surely, “If it hadn’t bothered you, you wouldn’t have been ignoring me for the three weeks. I hurt your feelings and I’m sorry because it wasn’t my intention.”

Harry doesn’t deny it again but he doesn’t admit to it either, instead he grits out, “It doesn’t matter either way.”

“It matters to me,” YN argues back, now getting defensive.

“It shouldn't,” Harry’s voice is back to being louder, firmer.

YN bit her lip for a moment, deciding on how vulnerable she felt like being with the man who showed absolutely none himself, “I’ve missed you these past weeks. I miss fighting with you on the flights, I miss our nightly ice machine walks, and you giving me a hard time in the staff room before takeoff.”

Harry’s lips twitch before he’s pulling them in a tight line, “I accept your apology.”

“Are you done ignoring me?” YN presses because this doesn’t feel resolved and she’s never had the urge to want to touch someone so much.

“For now,” Harry’s lips barely tilt into a smile.

It’s quiet between the two for a long pause, staring at each other, and YN doesn’t know what she wants but she feels like she’s just standing there like an idiot, “Well, goodnight. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.”

Harry’s eyes dart back up to hers, she realizes that he’d been checking her out, and he doesn’t show any shame in being caught before nodding, “We are. Goodnight.”

YN turns towards her room, the door closing softly behind her but she pauses after a few steps because she’s never been adventurous, she’s never been bold, and she might be making a mistake but fuck, she has to just try.

She’s retracing her steps, knocking on the door harshly, and it was like Harry hadn’t gone back further into the room yet because he opens it up quickly.

They don’t say anything before YN steps forward, heart pounding in her ears, and leans up - pressing their lips together and letting her hand rest on his cheek.

It flips a switch in him because he’s pulling her into his room, shutting and locking the door before walking her right into the entryway wall - his lips were persistent and taking over as he coaxes her mouth open to lick into it.

He knocks her hand away from his face but only so he can take hers between his hands, cupping her jaw on each side tightly as he moves her head how he wants to deepen the kiss.

YN’s never been kissed like this in her life, she’d never been more aroused either.

Harry presses his hips forward until their pelvises are pressed together, he wants her to feel how hard he’s getting as pressed against her and bites at her bottom lip.

YN whines at that, her hands coming up to roam over his chest, it was so defined and muscular, not what she was used to - Harry was hard and firm where Noah had been soft and plusher.

When she thumb brushes over his nipple, his pec twitches and she has to do it a few more times until she gets her fill.

He wasn’t shy when he sucked on her tongue, licked at the roof of her mouth, and made her feel like he wanted to feel every single part of her as he moved down to the hem of her shirt.

He pulls back with his lips a delicious bubblegum pink, swollen and shiny from their spit, “What do you want? Do you want me to stop?”

That’s the last thing she wants.

YN shakes her head, “Don’t want to stop, please.”

Harry smiles at her, it’s a softer expression than she’s ever seen from him and he leans forward, nuzzling her cheek for a moment before dragging her in for another long kiss.

“Can I undress you then, pup?” Harry murmurs against her lips as he starts to bring up the bottom of her shift but slowly enough that if she told him no, he would stop.

“Please, just want you,” YN agrees breathlessly when she tries to move to the button of her jeans, Harry knocks her hand away with an annoyed grunt and glare.

“Let me do everything, I just want you to enjoy it. Don’t worry, you’ll get all of me. I’ll give you anything you fuckin’ want,” Harry tells her as he sheds her top, then bra.

He looks torn for a second like he can’t decide whether he wants to play with her chest or continue until she’s fully bare but he decides against the latter, cursing as he pulls down her pants, “Knew you’d have the cutest tits.”

“You’ve thought about this?” YN questions as he moves to discard her underwear.

“Of course I fucking have, it’s all I’ve thought about for the past month. No, I wasn’t doing any of those things to get in your pants but it didn’t mean I didn’t want to fuck you,” Harry’s voice is getting deeper and raspier as he’s gets more and more turned on, “On the bed.”

Noah’s the only guy that YN’s ever been with.

It was uncomfortable to have such a devastatingly attractive man standing in front of her when she didn’t feel anywhere as sexy as him.

The worry only stays for a moment because when she’s spread out in the middle of his bed, he’s tracing every inch of her skin, and moans loudly as he moves to squeeze himself once, “I think this is the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. God, you’re like a little angel, aren’t you?”

“Come here,” YN whimpers, reaching out for him because she needs to touch him and he obliges eagerly, he’s tugging off his joggers but keeping his underwear on as he crawls over the bed and on top of her.

Harry finds her lips again, dropping his hips to grind against her center, and it feels so fucking good, just this contact through two layers of clothing and it all like a new experience to her - she never felt this with Noah.

Harry’s mouth moves but he’s not just kissing, he’s licking at her, sucking, and biting all over her jawline then neck until he gets to her chest where he lets a pleased hum when he cups them.

“Puppy, how are you this perfect, hm?” Harry coos as he leans down to graze his teeth against her hard nipple, “Pretty little thing coming to my room, begging for me to touch her, and then you show off this body? Maybe I should ignore you more often.”

YN turns her head and bites meanly at his hand which makes him chuckle and kiss the curve of her breast in apology before he’s wrapping his lips around one, fingers coming to pinch and roll the other one.

“Fuck,” YN gasps because he definetly knows how to use his mouth and her back arches involuntarily, pressing herself further into him, and trying to grind her hips up against where he’s hard, wishing he could slip between her folds like this.

Harry leaves them wet and hard as his lips continue down the center of sternum, down on her belly and she’d never thought it would feel good to have someone nip and suck at her plush but it did.

When he starts to move even further down, closer to her pubic bone, she freezes which Harry can tell right away by the hand on his shoulder tightens and her legs still from where they were restless.

“What’s wrong? Do you want to stop?” Harry asks with concern as he sits up more on his elbows to make eye contact with her - she didn’t know how he managed to look so cute and so obscene at the same time with worried eyes and puffy lips.

“You-I just,” YN stutters and she wants to smack herself for being an idiot because she should have known that it would lead like this but softly, she says, “You don’t have to…you know, do that.”

“Do what?” Harry replies with confusion, his fingers were still tracing mindless patterns on her tummy, thumb smoothing at the skin.

YN groans in embarrassment, she could feel her face getting hot, “You know…I’m just saying you don’t have to…,” Her eyes dart down to her lower half so that maybe he gets the hint.

“What? Eat your cunt?” Harry clarifies and of course he’d be this fucking crass in bed, she shouldn’t have expected anything less, “Do you not want me to? If you don’t want me to, I don't have to.”

“It’s not that,” YN wants to crawl into a hole and die.

“You’re acting like it would be a chore to me. I am one hundred percent sure that I’ll get just as much pleasure from tasting you on my tongue, getting my face in your perfect little cunt. Now what’s the issue?”

“You’re going to laugh,” YN mutters and she wishes she would have just kept her stupid mouth shut at this point.

“Tell me now,” He’s gone demanding again, his fingers pressing harder into her skin now.

“I’ve just never had it done to me before,” She admits finally, flopping back onto the bed and throwing an arm over her eyes to hide the absolute embarrassment of it all.

Harry crawls back up on top of her, forcefully moving her arm until they’re making eye contact, “I thought you were in a relationship for six years?”

“I was,” YN sighs as she curls her hand around his neck, “He said that men didn’t really do that often and he told me that he didn’t want to put his mouth on me and I never wanted to make him uncomfortable so we never did that.”

“Your ex is a selfish little prick,” Harry rasps against her lips, his hand moving down until he has his thumb pressed snug up against her clit which makes her twitch, “You get this excited from my thumb? You better not tell me he didn’t give you fingers either.”

“He didn’t want to do that either,” YN mewls when he starts a slow circular motion on her nerves.

“If it was possible, I’d have my mouth on your cunt and you riding my fingers every fucking day of the week,” Harry rumbles as he moves back down her body, “He’s a fucking dickhead who didn’t deserve you for a million different reasons. Do you want me to or no? I will understand either way.”

“Want it, Harry. I want it,” YN nearly slurs with how fucking turned on she is, her hips squirming again, and Harry gives her a dazzling fucking smile as he scotches down the bed.

He’s shouldering her thighs apart even further before he’s gripping the meat of one to keep her knee crooked and open as he groans like he’s getting pleasure from simply looking at her.

“God, I don’t think I’m going to survive this. I’ve never seen something this breathtaking before,” Harry says as he thumbs her folds apart, admiring her for another moment before he’s ducking down to bury his tongue tight up against her clit.

And holy shit.

She didn’t realize that this was what she had been missing.

Her legs try to close around his head but he keeps them spread and his other hand comes down the rest around her middle to keep her hips down.

He knows exactly what to do as he laps fat strokes of his tongue up from her core to her clit, over and over while YN is still relentlessly is trying to grind her hips up.

Harry pulls back which makes YN whine but he simply says, “Should have known what a brat you’d be in bed with how you are at work. Stay still now and let me do what I want to you. I promise it’ll feel good, baby.”

And his voice is so strict, demanding that she does finally relax into his hold which he rewards with fucking his tongue into her.

“M’close, Harry. Feels s’good,” YN moans as her stomach clenches.

“Come on, pup,” Harry coos against her, “Give me what I’ve earned, yeah?”

She’s almost disappointed she feels her orgasm coming because she doesn’t want to be over but Harry’s mouth is practiced and self-assured, he keeps the same pace throughout her orgasm which makes it longer by a few seconds.

YN melts into the mattress, body feeling loose and tingly as she comes down for her high, and her brows furrow when she sees Harry push down his briefs and begin to stroke himself with intent.

YN weakly kicks his thigh with a pout, “Don’t.”

Harry doesn’t stop but he slows down which gives YN a look at just how well endowed he is and to no surprise, mouth-wateringly beautiful.

“Don’t get myself off?”

“Fuck me,” YN breathes out, surprising herself with her boldness.

Harry’s hand stops, “Yeah? You’d let me get you on my cock, puppy? I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”

And….

YN wants to preen at the compliment, after feeling like she didn’t deserve anything to hear Harry say that made her stomach flutter even if it was just dirty talk.

“How do you want it?” Harry asks as he comes closer again, ducking down to kiss at her knees, thighs, and he peppers kisses over her mound which feels wildly more intimate than anything she’d ever done with Noah.

“However you want,” YN murmurs shyly because her only experience is Noah and they had a vanilla sex life to say the least, a whole lot of doggy and her riding him so he didn’t have to do any work.

Harry laughs at that, lips vibrating against her belly, “I’ll take you anyway you’ll let me. What do you like most? What makes you come hard?”

YN doesn’t have an answer to this because she’s never had an orgasm from penetrative sex before without her own fingers rushing to get her there so he doesn’t finish first and leave her hanging.

Harry is obviously experienced and so it doesn’t make her proud to have to feel inexperienced at this moment.

“Shut the fuck up,” Harry huffs out even though she didn’t say anything, he takes a moment to nip at her hip, “You’re telling me this fucker never got you off? Please tell me this is a joke.”

YN tries to cover her face again but he wraps his hands around her wrist and pulls them away, “This is so embarrassing.”

“It is,” Harry agrees easily, “For him. Can’t believe you were with him for six years and he couldn’t even make you come. You’re telling me she was neglected this whole time,” Harry frowns as his thumb comes back to her clit, “Should be a crime.”

“I mean I did get off but I had to….get myself there,” YN starts to wiggle again, wanting to chase the friction from his movement.

“I’d love to watch you do that sometime but tonight, you’re not going to have to lift a finger,” Harry tells her confidently before he’s positioning himself above her, lips brushing hers but not quite kiss as he lines himself up and she wraps her legs around his narrow waist, “I like this position. I want to see how gorgeous you are when you come.”

YN brings a hand up to his curls, knotting her fingers in the strands, and brings his lips fully against hers as he pushes in, it doesn’t hurt but it definitely takes a minute to adjust as Harry was much more blessed in the department than Noah was and she hadn’t had sex for over six months.

“Wait wait,” YN pants out, pulling back, “I -I’m on birth control but are you clean?”

Harry smirks at her like she’s asked something funny, “I’m clean. I got tested after my last partner.”

“Me too,” YN replies, relieved that they don’t have to stop.

Harry resumes kissing her but when he’s finally all the way in, his breathing stutters and he lets out a low whine that makes YN throb - like she felt so good to him that he couldn’t stand it.

“Harry, you feel so good,” YN mewls as he starts a slow but powerful rhythm, she was turned on to the point where she could hear it as he thrusted in and out.

“You’re the best thing I’ve ever felt, pup,” Harry praises and she doesn’t know whether it’s just the dirty talk, it most likely is but it still makes her feel empowered, sexy.

It becomes to much when he starts to pick up the pace to continue kissing, every other breathe out of YN’s mouth was a moan and he moves down to wrap his lips around her nipple and his hands came under her bum - positioning her more upwards so her backside was off the bed and he could slide in perfectly.

The change in position made him hit a spot she’d only heard about in her body, on every odd motion he would nudge it, and she was going to come again without any stimulation on her clit.

“Ha-Harry,” YN moans louder than she’s ever been and he pulls back from her breasts as he’s staring at her now, eyes studying her face.

“Oh baby, are you close f’me? Am I doing a good job?” Harry’s voice isn’t as steady as before either, there was a bead of sweat on his temple, and his chest was pink with arousal.

“Yeah, I’m close-“ YN doesn’t even get to finish her sentence before she’s squeezing around him, shaking as he keeps his pace to work her through it, and she’s a little dazed that she misses when Harry stills inside her - letting out his own filthy noises and praises as he comes down too.

YN didn’t know what to expect but it wasn’t for Harry to collapse his full weight on top of her and nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck for a moment, kissing her pulse point before rolling off.

She doesn’t want to assume that she can sleep here, she still needs to take off her makeup and she doesn’t have pajamas, and she feels anxiety creeping in which makes her get off the bed.

Harry lays on his back, one arm above his head, stomach flexing as he catches his breath, unashamed as he lays on full display because he has to know how beautiful he is.

“Where are you going?” Harry frowns as he watches her gather her scattered clothes.

“Um…back to my room? I have to take off my makeup, change,” And she didn’t want to mention showering because she wasn’t going to sleep after he'd come inside her.

“You don’t have to, I don’t want you to think that I’m kicking you out,” Harry sits up more, reaching for his briefs before his joggers and standing up to go over to his luggage to rummage for a shirt, “Let me walk you back at least.”

“Walk of shame,” YN half-jokes as she pulls her top over her head, bra crumpled in her hand because she didn’t feel like putting it back on.

“There’s was nothing shameful about how fucking well you took it,” Harry gives her a cheeky smile as he grabs his keycard, her room was only a few doors down.

When she unlocks her door, she turns around with her hand on the handle, and doesn’t know what to say but Harry’s leaning down to kiss her softly this time, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Harry.”

And when YN steps inside her room, closing the door behind her, she knows she’s royally screwed because that was the best sex of her life and now she knows for sure she has a fat fucking crush on Harry.

-

The first month after their original hookup was filled with more sex, it wasn’t every night but at least every other time they had to stay in a hotel - Harry would find his way into YN’s room and they’d have amazing sex each time.

He had her constantly on pit crew and they still bickered back and forth but it wasn’t as heated and it turned more into teasing than actual fights anymore which YN surprisingly didn’t mind.

YN felt like she’d gotten to know just bare minimum about Harry while she’d be pouring her heart out when the right moment hit, and he didn’t stay the night but he’d hang around for a bit before leaving her room.

It was also the month that YN realized that she didn’t just like vanilla sex and Harry had made her realize that very quickly because before him, she’d never had sex anywhere but in bed and a few times in a shower.

It had been an evening flight out, their flight had got delayed due to a gnarly thunderstorm which meant they would be stranded at the airport for another three hours before their plane came in.

Harry never spent time in the employee lounge, pilots had their own area which was rumored to be substantially nicer than the one that YN was currently sitting in.

They still have two hours until takeoff when she receives a text from Harry.

Harry: Come to the pilot’s lounge. Third floor near gate b32.

YN’s heart rate spikes as she gathers her luggage, her friends looking at her curiously, “I think I’m going to walk around a bit, maybe find a new book to read.”

“Want us to come?” Elaina volunteers but doesn’t seem eager to move from where she’s splayed on a overstuffed chair while playing Candy Crush.

“I think I’ll be fine,” YN replies as she heads out the door, it was actually good luck that all three of her friends appeared to be in a lazy mood because usually at least one of them would want to tag along with her.

YN knows other staff are not prohibited in the pilots lounge and so she’s nervous as she finds the long hallway that leads to the tucked away space that he’s referring to.

He’s waiting outside the door with his normal unreadable expression, his uniform perfectly fitted and pressed - the thrill of her being able to take it off of him makes her start to get wet without him even doing anything.

“I’m not supposed to be here,” YN tells him even though it’s obvious.

That makes Harry crack a grin, a wolfish tilt to his lips, “I’ll sneak you in.”

Harry opens the door with a special keycard, guiding YN into the lounge, it’s empty in here but it’s a million times nicer than the one that she’s used to with luxurious comfy seats, a pristine kitchen, and big flat screen televisions.

Harry moves to hold her wrist, tugging her along until they’re in the back corner, and Harry’s pushes open another door - to a single stall bathroom that looked like it could be out of a movie with shining tile floors and floral wallpaper.

“Harry,” YN warns because she knows with this is going and she doesn’t want to get in trouble.

“It’s fine, pup. There’s no one in here,” Harry soothes as he locks the door, he is predatory as he stalks towards her, his eyes dark and his movements slow but precise.

“Someone could come in at anytime,” YN points out desperately, she wants to do this but she wants to be assured that there’s no way that they’re going to get caught, even though he can’t guarantee that.

“Better keep your pretty noises to yourself then,” Harry rasps, YN has noticed how much scratchier and deeper his voice gets when he’s turned on, it’s unfairly hot.

She doesn’t have time to reply because he’s picking her up from under her bum and seating her on the sink countertop, his mouth moving to hers, and bringing her into a kiss that’s already filled with desire.

YN is nervous, she’s knows it’s dumb, and she doesn’t want Harry to make fun of her because of it but she’s never had sex somewhere this….risky and this is all so new.

Harry can tell by the way she’s kissing, distracted and in her own mind which makes him pull back, his thumb coming to rub at her bottom lip, pulling it down a bit.

“Do you not want to?” Harry checks as he watches her face, “We don’t have to, baby. We can wait until we get to the hotel. It’s okay with me either way. I should have check-“

YN cuts his off with another kiss before she pulls back, fingers coming to graze along the collar of his uniform, dipping underneath and caressing the skin as much as she could.

“I want to. I’m just nervous, I’ve never had sex anywhere but in a house,” YN’s face is heating with embarassment, admitting how fucking vanilla she is to someone who obviously isn’t.

Harry’s smile is nearly fond, “Tell me if you want to stop at any point, okay? M’going to show you that you deserve to be fucked whenever and wherever you want. I don’t know how your ex never did it outside the house. I thinking about fucking you everywhere, the hotel pool, over the edge of the bar, on the balcony.”

YN’s thighs clench and she presses their lips together to shut him up because sometimes his dirty talk is so sincere and downright filthy that she’ll combust if she hears anymore of it.

They don’t get caught but fuck it gets YN addicted because it’s not the only time it happens.

-

The second month, things had evolved even more.

Harry started saying that he was much too tired to walk back to his hotel room that was right down the hall and YN never kicked him out, he started staying after every time they hooked up.

YN would ask about Harry’s life outside of work but he really never divulged much which made YN remember each time that this was simply casual for him - there was no interest in a relationship and he didn’t like her like that, didn’t want to get to know her or open up about himself.

It made things harder, when he would kiss her so sweetly and tell her every time that she’s the best he’s ever had, it was hard to comprehend that he didn't have feelings for her either.

Especially on nights where he didn’t even get off.

He was too exhausted from a long flight but YN wasn’t, how he’d eat her out or give her his fingers as he kissed her softly, goading her sweetly to come so they could go to sleep.

He’d do nice things outside of the bedroom too.

On days where they didn’t have to be at the airport until noon, Harry would order breakfast to her room, he had arranged a massage for her, and then once a spa day when they had a day off in Toronto.

They still hadn’t hung out without having sex until almost three months into their casual arrangement.

YN didn’t feel good when they landed in London.

When she’d gone to her hotel room, she’d thrown up everything she’d eaten that day, and it felt like she’d been hit by a truck as she showered before laying in bed.

She hadn’t gotten sick again but she could tell that something she’d eaten had upset her stomach.

Then around ten, there’s a knock at her door.

YN groans because her body protests when she pulls herself off the bed to open the door - just in a big shirt and underwear because she already knows who it is.

Harry steps into the room, going to cup her jaw, and lean in for a kiss when she pulls back much to his displeasure - a frown gracing his face as she denies him.

“I don’t feel good, I’m sorry. I don’t feel like having sex,” YN tells him, hoping he doesn't mind too much - she remembers how upset Noah would get if she turned him down, “Maybe tomorrow morning but I got sick-“

Harry’s frown deepens as he guides her towards the bed, “We’re not doing anything if you don’t feel good. Don’t worry about the next time we are going to. We’ll find time when you’re feeling better.”

“But…” YN hates that she feels like she has to ask, “Are you mad?”

Harry looks a bit devastated at that question, his voice soft as he pats her bum as she crawls back in bed, “Why on earth would I be mad, pup?”

It’s the first time he’s called her that outside of sex.

He’d call her other things like baby, darling but that nickname hadn’t been spoken before in this context.

“Because I don’t want to have sex tonight,” YN wants to look away but he holds her gaze so intently.

Something clicks and Harry realizes that this insecurity must come from her last relationship.

“I wouldn’t be mad even if you never wanted to have sex with me again,” Harry assures her and he sounds sincere as he sits next to her, “I fucking love doing that with you but if you didn’t want to tonight or whenever, I’d never be upset. I respect whatever you want to do.”

“Thank you,” YN smiles weakly, she wanted a cuddle and it didn’t feel like she could because they didn’t do just that.

Harry nods, squeezing her thigh before standing back up.

“Have a goodnight,” YN tells him as he turns his back to her.

He whips around with confusion written all over his face, “You want me to leave?”

YN is just as confused, “I thought that’s what you were doing.”

“I was just going to turn off the floor lamp,” Harry nods to the light still on in the far corner, “But I can go if you don’t want me here-“

“No!” YN says too quickly, “I want you to stay. I just, we haven’t done this without you know…having sex.”

Harry’s face relaxes as he realizes he’s not being kicked out but he does move to turn off the lamp before stripping down to his briefs, he doesn’t respond to her last sentence but instead says, “Put on a movie.”

She does and he brings her into his chest and now that becomes a thing.

-

By the middle of the third month, they spend every night together when they’re traveling, and even when they’re not having sex, they go to bed cuddled up at night.

Harry doesn’t even bother with false pretenses and stops putting his suitcase in his own hotel room.

YN still finds frustration in how closed off Harry is, he’s attentive and at least acts interested when YN talks about herself and her life but he rarely gives anything out.

She’d been dying to know about his ex-wife, if what his friends said was true and he was married but he doesn’t ever mention an ex-wife or anything much for that matter.

It starts to feel like YN wants this more than him which isn’t fair to him because he never said that he wanted a relationship with her and she knew she fucked up by falling for him.

One night though, something changes and it begins to give YN hope that this wasn’t all in her head that he might like her too.

They had gone out onto the balcony of the hotel, they were in Madrid, and it overlooked the city as they laid on the lounge chair, YN in between his legs, and the warm air had a light breeze.

“I’ve never been to the Maldives, never been lucky enough to get a flight there,” YN hums as she plays with the rings on his finger, his hand resting on her belly, “But I’d say that’s my dream vacation. Always have wanted to go. Have you flown there?”

“I haven’t had a flight there, working wise. I had my honeymoon there,” Harry replies and his voice is tighter, more vulnerable than it was just mere minutes ago.

“Oh,” YN doesn’t know what to say.

“It was beautiful. The water was amazing, it just looked like you were living in a magazine,” Harry continues but he sounds strained like it’s hard for him to even talk about it.

“That’s why I want to go,” YN keeps her voice upbeat, giving him the opportunity not to elaborate if he didn’t want to.

“I was married for five years,” Harry tells her with hesitation.

“When did you get divorced?” YN can’t help but ask, hoping it doesn’t make him close back up.

“We didn’t,” Harry says but there’s no sharp edge to his voice, “She passed away.”

YN’s heart absolutely sinks into her stomach.

“I am so sorry to hear that, Harry,” YN squeezed his hand, bringing it up so she could kiss his palm and he allowed it.

“We…we were separated at the time and had filed for divorce,” Harry continues with a shudder, “We hadn’t been getting along for the past two years of our marriage. We got married right out of college, we’d only known each other for six months before we eloped. We were stupid and young. Once the honeymoon phase was over, we realized we had nothing in common or even really liked each other. We tried to make it work but we couldn’t.”

“I…uh, I didn’t want to be with her anymore but I still loved her,” Harry’s voice is shaky, “Not so much as a lover but she was still my friend. I…It was hard. She was in a car accident coming home from work, she was working the night shift as a nurse at the hospital. Drunk driver.”

“That’s heartbreaking,” YN feels herself getting upset for Harry, tears falling down her cheeks at what he had to go through, she couldn’t even imagine.

“Don’t cry, S’okay. I’m okay now,” Harry soothes as he leans forward to thumb at her damp cheeks, “I’m okay. I got counseling, I’ve worked through my grief.”

“I should be comforting you, I’m sorry,” YN apologizes but she’s taken by surprise when he leans forward and kisses her firmly, it’s not sexually charged but there’s so much feeling as he holds her to him.

It feels like more than just friends with benefits.

It has to be.

-

Harry was on a rampage at work, YN had never seen him so infuriated in her life as they were up in the air, five hours into a eleven hour flight, and he was more pissed than even his worst fight with YN.

The ground crew hadn’t fully fueled the aircraft, they weren’t going to make it to their destination on what they had left to work with, it wasn’t something that often occurred but it has happened occasionally in the past.

However, it meant that Harry had to work with staff on the ground to figure out what airport he needed to land out to refuel while figuring out the logistics of changing the course and time of the flight.

He hadn’t lashed out at YN but he’d chewed out nearly everyone else on the crew at least once but poor Perry got shouted out at least three times and she had cried two of them.

At the end of the day, the eleven hour flight took nearly fourteen, and by the time YN and Harry were in their bed, it was late, and they were both tired as they turned on a movie.

YN isn’t sure about how the topic went to their previous relationships but she answered anything Harry had asked about Noah, YN felt like she could do the same now that he had opened up about his wife.

“What did your family think of you getting eloped six months after meeting each other?” YN was curious, figured it wasn’t a crazy question to ask at all but Harry visibly tenses.

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Harry throws up his guard instantly and usually YN is understanding but quite frankly, it is starting to piss her off now.

“Of course you don’t,” YN scoffs with an annoyed edge.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Harry shoots back, sitting up straighter and looking over at her.

“That you will never open up to me! I share everything about me with you and you give me absolutely nothing. You shared about your wife that one night but beside that, you’ve never let me get to know you!” YN points out as she sits up too, anger rising in her chest.

An expression that YN doesn’t recognize flashes across his face for a moment before he’s covering it with a scowl, “I don’t have to share anything with you, YN. We’re not dating, we’re not in a relationship. It shouldn’t fucking matter if you know me.”

And ouch, that….that really fucking hurt.

YN could feel herself getting more upset than she’s been in a long time because this was her getting rejected officially.

Because if this is all he wants, YN doesn’t know if she can be okay with that anymore.

“Get the fuck out of my room,” YN finds herself huffing out, ripping the covers off of her legs and standing up - she feels a wave of naseous run over her as she bolts to the bathroom, slamming the door and doubling over the toilet.

Harry opens the door, moving to pull her hair away from her face, and rubs at her back as she heaves into the bowl, moaning at how gross she feels before flushing - he takes a step back from her.

“Thanks,” YN mutters as he gives her room to walk over to the sink to brush her teeth, “My stomach’s been sensitive to food lately while we’ve been on trips.”

“I know,” Harry replies simply because this isn’t the first time he’d held her hair as she got sick.

“I don’t think we should do this anymore,” YN tells him and at the same time, her heart is completely ripping into two.

This is the moment she realizes how irrevocably in love with Harry that she is and she’s fallen so hard that it feels impossible to dig herself out of the hole she’s dug.

If she couldn’t have all of him then she knew she was hurting herself in the long run because she’d never get what she wanted from him and sex just wasn’t enough for her even if it was for him.

“YN,” Harry’s voice is smaller than it’s ever sounded, shocked by what she’s saying and his eyes are wide, pleading, “Don’t. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I shouldn't have said those things. Today hasn’t been a good day, I didn’t -”

“Don’t apologize, Harry,” YN shakes her head, voice steady and firm,“It’s okay. I’m not mad at you. I just…this isn’t working for me. I can’t just be a hookup for you, I don’t want that. I want to know you, I want more than what you want. It’s just better if we stop while we’re ahead.”

“YN, please just-“ Harry sounds like he’s begging but YN’s made up her mind and nothing has ever hurt more than this.

“Harry,” Her voice is stern, “Please just leave.”

He bites his lip because he wants to argue more, he honestly looks like he’s near tears but YN doesn’t know if that’s just her imagination as he exits the bathroom to gather his clothes into his suitcase - digging around for the keycard to his own room he threw carelessly somewhere.

YN didn't sleep that night, eyes hurting from how much she’d cried, cheeks raw from where she had continuously wiped away the traitorous tears because this hurt worse than anything she’d ever gone through with Noah.

-

YN does exactly what Harry had done to her in the past.

She hides away before flights because her friends have told her that Harry has been coming in looking for her  and she switches positions with someone else so that she’s not in the pit.

She ignores Harry when he knocks at her hotel door one night, ignores his text messages asking for them just to talk, and lets the food he sends up from room services go cold.

It’s only been a week since the incident but YN hasn’t felt any better with her stomach issues as she settles back at home after another flight - she’s restocking her toiletry bag for the next day when she realizes that she didn’t need to refill her tampons.

YN’s heart sinks into her stomach when she realizes that she can’t remember the last time that she had a period but there is absolutely no fucking way that she’s pregnant because she was on brith control and took it regularly.

She was googling frantically the statistics of birth control not working and that the pill is ninety-one percent effective which means there’s only a nine percent chance it’s not.

But there’s a chance.

YN digs in her cabinets for an old test that she knew she’d shoved somewhere after she’d broken up with Noah and had sworn off sex, and she was shaking as she waited for the results.

Her phone chimes with a text from Harry.

Please, can we just talk?

Don’t shut me out. Please.

YN, can you just give me a chance to explain myself?

Please, YN. I can’t stand this. It’s killing me. Please.

And YN ignores them, hyperventilating as her alarm sounds, and she flips the plastic stick - a digital reading across the screen and in clear bold letters, it tells her what she didn’t want to fucking see.

Pregnant.

Holy fucking shit.

“No,” YN whimpers as she blinks at it, “No no no.”

She was responsible with her pill, how was she part of the small percentage?

It never happened with Noah, why now?

Why was it with the person who didn't want her like this?

YN feels lightheaded, stumbling to her bed, and burying herself in the covers because she doesn’t know what to think or do or feel because she’s pregnant with Harry’s baby and he doesn’t even want a relationship with her.

-

YN calls off work for the next two weeks because she doesn’t know what else to do, she had vacation time to use, and she couldn’t face Harry right now as she figured out what she was going to do or how she was going to tell him.

She’s still violently sick nearly everyday, feeling worse as the days go on, when her two weeks was up - she didn’t feel any better about going to work.

Harry hadn’t stopped texting her, trying to call her but she couldn’t even read them because it hurt too much.

YN is in love with him, she had a baby in her stomach that is half him, and he didn’t want any of that.

On the day that she returns to work, they’re going to London again.

She’d been having awful cramps all morning, getting sick twice in the airport bathroom, and felt like she was striking a fever as she boarded the plane.

Harry was out of the cockpit, standing right outside of it, and his eyes flash in concern when he sees YN, “Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you -“

“I’m fine,” YN brushes him off, lying through her teeth as she stows her bag away before retreating to the back of the aircraft despite his eyes on her the whole time.

-

YN lets her friends convince her into going to the hotel restaurant that night despite feeling like death, the cramps hadn’t stopped, her head was now pounding, and she still felt overheated.

Her food was untouched as her friends giggled and gossiped around her but suddenly she felt like she was going to pass out.

The stomach cramps turned into a sharper pain, something she’d never felt before.

It was indescribable and she knew that she needed to go to the hospital.

And all she can think about is the baby.

That this isnt’ good.

“Oh…Oh my god,” YN gasps as she pushes her chair back, “I- I need to go to the hospital.”

All three girls jerk their head with wide eyes, immediately confused and worried, Justine who was sitting next to her, “What’s wrong?”

“Cramps, I’m having cramps. They’re….fuck, they’re bad,” YN groans as she moves her hand to her stomach, feeling like she may just double over in pain.

“Do you think that it might just be your period?” Perry asks as she begins looking for a staff member.

YN shakes her head sharply, “No-no because I'm pregnant.”

All three girls gasp in surprise, moving into action as they flag over the waiter to call the paramedics - the pain in her stomach was starting to overwhelm her.

“Call Harry,” YN shoves her phone at Elaina, “Please.”

“He’ll understand, YN. Don’t worry about work right now,” She tries to assure her.

“Elaina, call him,” YN says firmly, giving her a look, and that when all three girls register what she is implying - they try to hide the absolute shock as Elaina presses his contact information.

YN zones in and out of consciousness for a while, barely remembers when Harry arrives but he’s brushing her hair out of her face, murmuring things to her, and patting a wet rag on her forehead that someone gave him.

He clambers into the ambulance with her and she starts to come back to reality for a little while the paramedic begins to ask her questions about her health history.

She doesn’t know how it didn’t get communicated from her friends about what was going on but the EMT asks, “Do you have any idea why you’re having this pain?”

Harry’s hand is gripping hers tightly, he’s confused and has no idea what is going on but he’s shaking as he watches her.

“I’m-I’m pregnant,” YN manages to spit out and squeezes her eyes shut because she doesn’t want to see Harry’s reaction to that news.

His hand leaves hers.

“Baby, oh my god,” Harry gasps in surprise but he’s getting up from the seat, leaning over, and pressing kisses to her sweaty forehead, “You’re pregnant...”

“Your baby,” YN nods as she tenses as a cramp fleets through her body, “I’m sorry, I didn’t- I took my pills I promise, I don’t know how-“

“Sssh,” Harry soothes instantly, lips peppering kisses all over her face now as he strokes her hair, “S’okay, you’re okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m here and I love you so much, pup.”

YN blinks up at him blearily, “You love me?”

Harry nods, there’s tears in the corner of his eyes, “I’ve been trying to tell you for the last weeks but you wouldn’t talk to me. Of course, I fucking love you.”

“I love you too,” YN tells him but has to grit her teeth when another pain shoots through her and everything goes dark for a while.

-

YN wakes up in a hospital bed, there blinds are drawn shut and it’s dark in the room, she can tell it’s still night as there is no sun seeping through the cracks of the sills.

She feels substantially better than when she was being transported here but her side is still aching and as she blinks her eyes open, she sees Harry sitting right next to her bed with his head slumped against the edge of the mattress.

He was asleep and looked to be in the most uncomfortable position, sitting up in a chair with his back hunched at an awful angle, his one hand resting on his thigh but the other was holding tightly onto hers.

She could fully admit that her heart soared with love as she watched the man beside her sleep - it may sound creepy but she loved watching him like this because all his frown wrinkles were smoothed, he was relaxed with his puffy lips parted, his eyelashes long against his cheekbones.

Her free hand comes to his hair, carding her fingers through the curls, and lightly scratching her nails against his scalp.

It takes a minute but he finally stirs, a sharp intake of breath as he sits up with wide eyes, there was so much anxiety in his expression that YN had never seen before this night.

“Pup,” Harry rasps, his voice thick from sleep but he brings her hand up to kiss the back of it, avoiding the IV, “How long have you been awake?”

“Just now,” YN tells him and she knows, she knows she needs to ask what happened but the sinking feeling in her stomach tells her that she no longer has a baby growing in her stomach.

“I love you,” Harry breathes out quickly like he’s worried she’ll kick him out of the room, “Pretty much from the beginning I think. I should have let you in, I wanted to. I just…if I have you that means I could lose you. I’ve been through that and I don’t think I could handle it if that happened to you. I hadn’t been with anyone since my wife passed. It’s been ten years and I’m scared.”

“I love you too,” YN whispers sincerely, leaning over slightly and Harry meets her the rest of the way to lay a gentle kiss on her lips, thumb coming to brush under her cheekbone, “The baby..”

Harry bites his lip, jaw clenching but not from anger this time but YN’s absolutely alarmed when he starts to cry, “Our baby is healthy and stable.”

“Wha-What?” YN stammers out in disbelief, she had fully prepared herself for the news that she had miscarried, “The stomach pain, I-You’re lying. Please, don’t- I can’t.”

“Baby, no,” Harry coos soothingly, standing up and leaning over her, pressing his forehead against hers, “It’s wasn’t anything to do with your pregnancy. Your appendix ruptured. The baby was never at risk, they’re okay.”

“I had appendicitis? No-not a miscarriage?” YN clarifies because she doesn’t feel like she’s awake right now, she had prepared herself for the worst news possible.

“Yes, they removed your appendix. They checked on the baby. Everything is fine with you and our baby,” Harry assures her as he peppers kisses all over her face like he did the night before, “I heard their little heart beat, YN. They’re already growing and so strong. Fuck, I’m so in love with them and I just found out.”

“I took my birth control everyday at the same time,” YN begins to explain as she watches Harry’s hand drift down to her stomach, there wasn’t any sign yet maybe a little pudge she hadn’t noticed but he still laid his hand there protectively, “I don’t know why it didn’t, I’m sorry-“

“Do not ever apologize to me about this,” Harry replies firmly, his voice serious and deep as he pulls back to look at her, “Of course, this isn’t what I was expecting but I want it. I want it so fucking badly. I never- I never thought I had kids after you know…what happened.”

“I don’t even know anything about you,” YN sniffles as she pulls him back down, digging her face into his shoulder for comfort as his hand comes to cup the back of her head.

“We have about six months for you to learn every single thing about me,” Harry murmurs with a wet chuckle, “I’m done having walls up. I was trying to tell you that for the last month. I am so fucking in love with you I can’t think straight. I want you to know all of me.”

“I want that too, I want you in every way,” YN presses her lips to his shoulder, tears making his shirt damp.

“You have another night in the hospital,” Harry tells her, “For observation. I think I’d like to start now.”

“Okay,” She nods quietly, moving over with a wince until Harry can squeeze into the small hospital bed with her.

“I grew up in this shitty little apartment above a Chinese restaurant…” Harry starts his story, YN had never heard him speak so much but for the rest of her hospital stay, aside from naps, Harry doesn’t stop sharing.

And he never stops again after that.

[potterrstar]

do you miss us? ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

sirius black x fem!reader

summary: james wants to ask lily out, but she can't because she's always with y/n, so sirius decides to help him a little, that means spending a little time with his ex girlfriend.

warnings: a lil bit of angst! and then fluff! sirius and reader used to date, and a lot of jily!

word count: 2.5 k

a/n: hi everyone, hope you are doing great, this is literally my first post ever! i'm excited but at the same time i find everything super weird, i'm trying to settle in so i'm sorry for any mistakes, i hope to improve!

───❃•❃•❃───

Sirius was a bit fed up with James if he was honest, not to be misunderstood, he adores James with all his heart but he just wouldn't shut up about Lily. The worst part was that he wouldn't ask her out, he could talk about her all day but he wouldn't make a single attempt to ask her to Hogsmeade or anything.

"I understand how much you like her, Prongs, I just don't understand why you don't ask her out, it doesn't have to be anything exotic, you know?" Sirius fiddled with his wand, sitting on the couch in the common room.

"Because she's with y/n all the time! Lily's never alone, I can never get to talk to her, you know, alone" James sighed dropping his body into the chair at the table.

Y/n. It was even a little hard for him to think about her, they hadn't ended in the worst possible way, it just didn't work out the way they would have liked it to in the first place. They had only broken up a couple of months ago, sometimes he thought he missed her, the times he didn't miss her it was because he convinced himself that he didn't, but however! They were still friends… Or something like that, at least he hoped so.

"Well, interrupt them, I don't think y/n would mind you stealing Lily away for a bit" Sirius rolled his eyes.

James plopped down at the table, giving an exaggerated sigh "This is it, we're never going to date, or get married, or have kids, or-"

Sirius interrupted him laughing "What are you talking about? Calm down mate, it's not as bad as you think" Sirius got up, sat down next to James and gave him a little pat on his shoulder "Look, at the weekend we're all going to Hogsmeade, there you can buy her a drink or go for a walk, yeah? You're not finished."

───❃•❃•❃───

It was already the weekend! You were extremely excited as you hadn't been out to Hogsmeade for weeks, there had been so much homework and exams lately that there was no time for anything. An outing like this was a huge respite.

"Look, sour popsicles! James used to give me these in first year" Lily showed you the little colourful lollipops. Just now you were in Honeydukes buying sweets out of hand. It was going to be Marlene's birthday soon and you wanted to throw her a big party.

You gave a little chuckle. "Yeah, let's take those too" You thought it was a bit funny how much Lily talked about James, she did, even if it was unconscious, James here, James there! It didn't bother you though, it was nice to see her denying it.

"What are you laughing at?" Lily asked you with a frown.

"Oh! James used to buy me these! He's so cute! I want to marry him!" You mimicked her laughing.

"What are you talking about? I never said that, I don't even talk like that! Pretty bad imitation of you, huh?" Lily was completely offended, which again made you laugh.

"Oh, hi, James!" You said looking behind Lily, as if James was there, which he wasn't. You just liked to tease Lily.

Lily turned around quickly, arranging her hair, nervously. "Where did you see him? I can't find him." Lily searched for James with her eyes.

"Come on, Lily" You said laughing as you gave her an obvious look.

Lily turned to you, noticing your stare. "Oh leave me alone." Lily's gaze dropped a little, which worried you a little.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad." You patted her shoulder a little in apology.

You played this way with Lily all the time, it never bothered her, you don't know what her sudden sadness is about.

"Don't worry, it's not that, it's just- I don't know, do you think James likes me? I mean, I know he always jokes about it, but he's never tried to go out with me, we've never even had a conversation alone."

"Lily, are you kidding me? All of Hogwarts knows that James Potter has an absolute and complete crush on Lily Evans" You laughed a little, which caused her to laugh too. "Come on, Li, don't be put off by that! He's probably even around, all of us students came, I don't think he's the exception."

Lily smiled gratefully at you "You're right. Thank you, sweetheart."

Suddenly, James appeared behind Lily, this time in earnest.

"What's up, Potter?" you greeted the brunet, not to mention that your ex-boyfriend was standing next to him.

"Listen, Y/n, I don't think it's funny a second time," Lily demanded.

"A second time of what?" James asked behind Lily, giving her the fright of her life.

"James!" Lily shrieked. "Lily!" James shouted back, imitating her.

As the two of them frolicked around as they always did, you shared a couple of glances with the black-haired boy next to James. You examined him a little better, you hadn't seen him in a couple of days, he was wearing his white shirt with the first few buttons open revealing a bit of his chest, he had half his hair up, a little longer than he had when you were done, his eyes looked greyer than they normally did. He looked good. He always did.

"Hello," you said, giving him an uncomfortable look. It was a little hard to meet those eyes that were once yours.

"Uh, hi…" He responded in kind. He was having a hard time seeing your eyes, which were once his.

You don't know at what point Lily and James ended whatever conversation they were having, but Lily turned to you. "I'm doing some shopping with Y/n, sorry" Lily apologised to James.

"But Y/n doesn't mind, do you?" James said looking at you, you looked back at him wanting to know what the hell he was supposed to be talking about. Maybe, just maybe, you missed a lot in the pale boy in front of you.

"Umm, sorry I- I wasn't listening" you stammered a little looking at them.

"James was just telling me that, if we could go to The Three Broomsticks, but you know we're buying Marlene's birthday stuff and I don't want to leave you alone" Lily said looking at the floor.

You realised that this was the opportunity Lily had been waiting for a long time. "Are you kidding? It's fine, it's perfect, don't worry about me, we don't have much shopping to do anyway." You told them with a smile.

"See? Everything is fine," James looked at Lily.

Lily analysed the situation, it was clear that she wanted to go out with James, but leaving her friend didn't sound like a viable option. "No, James, I'm sorry, I really don't want to leave her alone." Lily said somewhat sadly.

Sirius, on the other hand, also saw the situation. He knew Lily wasn't going to leave her friend shopping for things on her own, and he also knew how depressed James was going to be for the rest of the month if Lily turned him down for the one way out he had risked asking her. He thought about staying with Y/n, not that he wanted to of course, but it was for the greater good, it was definitely for that, he was only going to help his friend, it had nothing to do with him.

"Maybe-" Sirius suddenly spat and everyone looked at him "Maybe I can stay with you" He turned to look at you and you felt your heart skip a beat. Stay with you? Just today was the first time you'd been with him in the same room for more than ten seconds without running out since you broke up. "I mean, to help you finish shopping, after all Marlene our friend right?" Sirius tried not to make it sound like he needed to spend time with his ex-girlfriend, which he kinda did.

Lily and James smiled "Actually, it does sound good" Lily said with a bit of hope and James felt his soul return to his body.

You were paraplegic, saying yes meant spending, Merlin knows how much time alone with your ex-boyfriend who you're probably not over, but it also meant that Lily could finally go on a date with the guy she liked and the truth is that didn't sound bad at all, I mean, you knew how excited she was about that and there's nothing you wouldn't do for your best friend, even go shopping with your ex-boyfriend, why not?

"Sounds good" You gave a genuine smile "I hope you're good at picking out candy" You joked to Sirius.

"I think I am" Sirius gave you a wink. You felt yourself turn a little red.

"Thanks Y/n, I promise I'll make it up to you, I love you!" Lily said as James led her out of the tent. You laughed a little at this and Sirius mimicked you.

"I really hope they get married because I can't stand it anymore" Sirius rolled his eyes and that made you laugh.

"What?" You asked him as you looked at the shelves of candy.

"James!" He expelled as if he was taking a weight off his shoulders "I swear to Merlin that's all he talks about!"

"Is it that bad?" You looked at him, you watched as a couple of strands of hair fell across his forehead, you felt the urge to move them, but you couldn't, not anymore.

Sirius rolled his eyes "You doubt it? The worst thing is that I'm the only one he tells, Remus and Peter are smart enough to ignore it."

You laughed "Poor thing, Sirius. He's just very much in love."

Sirius sighed "Well, I was never like that."

You gave him a somewhat sly look, wondering if Sirius ever talked about you like that with James.

Sirius immediately caught your gaze and stumbled a bit over his words "I mean- Not that I wasn't in love like that- Just that I never bothered him that much about it- Not that it bothered me being in love with you- you know." Sirius cursed inwardly, it was kind of funny, he thought of himself as a confident person, somewhat boastful even but when it came to you, all of that just disappeared.

"Don't worry, I get it" You smiled a little "I think I used to annoy Lily a lot" Remembering when you first liked Sirius.

"Did you?" he asked curiously.

"Quite a lot. I hope she wasn't that bothered" You laughed a little.

Sirius smiled "I don't think so, how could you ever bother anyone?"

You rolled your eyes "Don't do that" You said to Sirius.

"Do what?" he laughed, feigning innocence.

"That thing you do, you're flirting with me, don't do that." You smiled.

"I'm not!" He defended himself offended "I'm just telling the truth, which is different."

"Shut up" You rolled your eyes smiling. For a moment you felt everything like it was before, and for a moment you wished everything was like it was before.

Sirius relaxed his face a little "I mean it, you genuinely are the most interesting person I know, I don't see any way for you to annoy or bore anyone."

You felt a bit of tension in the air so you made a little joke to ease it "I know I'm the best thing you ever had, you don't have to tell me."

Sirius laughed "Hey don't you think that's enough candy?" he said looking at the bag you were carrying, you didn't even realise how much you were carrying from talking to him.

"Oh Merlin, you're right, more than enough, let's go pay."

You and Sirius walked over to pay, so you took out the money you had counted with Lily yesterday, you paid and you walked out of the shop, Sirius helping you with the bags.

There had been a freak snowstorm at Hogwarts a few days ago, even though it was the middle of June. Professor McGonagall at first thought it was a prank by the Marauders, eventually she found out it wasn't them as James told her that they didn't play pranks on that silly level. Then she found out it was a prank by some Hufflepuff second graders, honestly you found it funny, they couldn't reverse the spell so we had to wait a couple of weeks for the snow to stop.

"What should we do? I honestly don't think James and Lily are done." Sirius looked at you.

"Definitely not, I think we should head back to the castle so we can take advantage of Marlene being around and I can hide this well" You smiled at him.

Sirius nodded and took off his coat and placed it on top of both of you so you could get to the castle without getting covered in snow, on the morning you went down to Hogsmeade the storm wasn't this bad.

You grabbed the edge of the coat next to you to cover yourself better and discovered the initial of your name embroidered with red thread that you had made a couple of weeks after you started dating Sirius. A small smile escaped your lips.

This little thing of embroidering your initial on his stuff came about as a silly joke that people would realise he belonged to you, obviously you didn't mean it, but he didn't have a problem with it, so he embroidered a couple himself.

"What's up?" Sirius asked when he saw your smile.

With a small smile you showed him the edge of his coat.

He rolled his eyes with a smile. "Leave it."

"Why didn't you take it off?" you asked curiously.

Sirius frowned "Why should I?"

"I don't know, because we broke up?"

"So?" He turned to look at you. "Just because it's over doesn't mean it wasn't real, you're the realest thing I've ever had."

You stopped walking and looked at him "Sirius, you don't mean that."

"Of course I do" He stopped as well, he picked up his scarf and showed you the corner, where your initial was also and his ring, which on the inside he wore it as well.

" I take you wherever I go." He said to you with a nostalgic smile.

"Do you miss us? Because I feel your absence wherever I go." You asked him directly, feeling your soul leave your body.

Sirius dipped his hand into your neck and you felt your neck crawl.

You smiled "Just to confirm? Will you tell me?"

Sirius moved to your lips and kissed them tenderly "More than you can imagine." He murmured against your lips and kissed them again.

"This is great" You smiled and moved the strands of hair that were in the way of his forehead. "I've wanted to do that since I saw you."

Sirius laughed against your lips. "I have to cut it" Referring to his hair.

You let out a gasp. "Are you mad? You cut your hair and we're done again I swear."

"We're done again?" Sirius repeats. "Does that mean we're boyfriend and girlfriend again?" Sirius asks with a grin.

"Absolutely. Any problem with that?" you smiled back.

"Never" Sirius grabbed the back of your neck and kissed even harder, careful to never let go again.

Though if he did, he'd always take you with him anyway.

[joonsytip]

Withering for You || Seungcheol-Part 2

Pairings: Seungcheol x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut, CEO! Seungcheol au, Husband! Seungcheol au, Wife! Reader au, Music Teacher! Reader au, Arranged Marriage au, College Sweetheart au, Exes to Lovers au

Synopsis: When you are arranged married to the man, whose heart you had broken years ago, even dreaming about mending things seems next to impossible when he has been holding grudge for all these only to return it to you tenfold.

Warnings (specific to this part): Seungcheol is still the biggest meany, crying, profanities, everyone is hurt and sad, everything is on rocks, mentions of infidelity (doesn't happen to though), smut, mention of alcohol consumption

Word Count: 6.1k

TAGLIST FOR THIS SERIES IS CLOSED!

Minors DNI!

Banner credits to my baby @hoeforhao <3

[SVT Masterlist] [SVT Flick - Fic Masterlist]

Teaser | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Epilogue

You are laying on the bed draped over by your husband, Seungcheol.

The reception party passed in a blink of an eye and after you both were driven to the house aided by nothing but silence, Seungcheol was all over you as soon as you both stepped into the house.

He dragged you into the nearest room he could get and next, both of your clothes were off, now littering the floor.

You two blended in so naturally that it seemed like you two were never apart. Seungcheol still has the map of your body memorized and it has been over an hour since he has started to work his mouth on your pussy. He's been teasing your clit, sucking on your buds but never giving you an orgasm.

You lay breathless, gasping as he continues to deny you orgasms, overstimulating you and when you try to squirm away his strong grip is keeping you in place.

"P-Please I can't take it anymore", you say in your hoarse voice, giving his hair rough tug, "Please let me cum, Seungcheol please..."

Seungcheol lifts his gaze to meet yours, his lips curled up in mockery before dives into your folds once again eating you out like a starved man of years.

And suddenly, all of it's gone. You open your eyes again at the emptiness only to see him hovering over you.

He takes both of your hands and pins them down to the bed. He growls into your mouth and bites your lower lip a little too hard. You moan when his other hand kneads your breasts and pinch your nipples. It's all so intense that you have gone void of anything and everything except for Seungcheol. All you feel and see is him.

Seungcheol is marking you tenaciously, a clear message to you that you're now solely his. He's painting your neck, your chest, your thighs in shades of pink and purple for the world to know.

A loud moan erupts out of your throat when he enters you, filling you up to the hilt. He releases your hands and you find them wrapping around his shoulder. With each sharp thrust of his, your nails dig deeper on the skin of his back. And it doesn't take long for you to reach your first orgasm of the night.

But your husband has just started. He doesn't give you any time to recover. He sits up and perches both of your legs on his shoulder and starts to thrust into you deeper while his fingers rub your clit. A few more thrusts and you are cumming again along with him.

You're exhausted, so numb from the session that your eyes close shut. And when you're drifting off, you feel a grip on your hips and your husband whispers in your ear, "We are just getting started, did you forget how long we went before?"

And next you're being flipped onto the bed.

You wake up at noon and your mood immediately sours seeing the empty space beside you. Seungcheol's words from last night ring in your ears.

"Where are you going?", you ask when you see him getting off the bed after he's satiated at the dawn hours.

"To my room", he says draping over the towel he got from the bathroom, "And", he turns to look at you, "This is your room, you'll be staying here."

You're eyes go wide as saucers and with every ounce of energy you could gather you sat up, "What do you mean by that? We're married!"

Seungcheol laughs and throws you a glare, "Just on paper. Don't you dare to cross the threshold to my room. I'm warning you."

And then he leaves.

After showering, you decide to get something to eat and that's when you meet the housekeeper Ms. Oh in the kitchen.

"Hello, Ms. Oh!", you greet her in glee because you knew her and absolutely adored her.

Ms. Oh turns around in surprise and the first thing she does on seeing you is pulling you aside and saying with concern, "I never believed you'd do something like that to Seungcheol. So please be honest with me and answer me. Did you really cheat on him all those years ago?"

You sigh and try to usher off but also you didn't wanna disappoint people who loved you anymore so you answered honestly, "I didn't. I have loved Seungcheol devotedly throughout. There was never anyone else."

"Oh poor thing. You must have had your reasons to let that happen", you hear Ms. Oh exclaim and next you're being pulled into her embrace. She has been with Seungcheol since his childhood days. Ever since he had a house of his own, she has been sent to take care of him. You had met her when you had visited the Choi mansion while you both dated. She was always the one to welcome you.

"Is he up yet?", you ask and Ms. Oh shrugs off urging you to check it yourself.

So you are now standing at the threshold of your husband's room and contemplating where to fight the lion or flight from the spot.

Ofcourse you choose to the former, hence you don't even knock, just push the door behind and walk in.

"Where do you think you're heading?", you freeze seeing Seungcheol who's sat on the bed, glasses on, probably reading something on the tab, "You're not allowed in here, get out."

Your absence of fear and bored expression irks your husband. Before he could speak again, you are pacing fast and now you're seating infront of him.

"Do you really think all these tactics would work on me?", you roll eyes, "I'm your wife and not just on paper."

"People can be really shameless.", he snickers, "I thought I was a good judge of character but thanks to you, I don't think so anymore."

"Seungcheol, it's in the past, can't we start again?"

"So simple for you to say, isn't it?"

The atmosphere drops. The gloom caves in. And as Seungcheol's eyes turn darker, his face scares you off. Tab long forgotten on the bed, both of his hands form a fist, a sign you know very well. He's controlling himself, he's keeping his feelings, his hurt, his words at a bay.

Moments pass by. You stare at him, he glares at you.

"I have never loved again Y/N.", he says like a scarred man, all the anger now replaced with all of the agonies, "I have trust issues, I can't trust people easily."

His voice cracks, he lets all those tears fall, "I wasn't like this. It's so suffocating, so difficult to live like this."

You are rendered speechless. All these years you have only wept in self pity. All three years you've only thought how wronged you were, how difficult it was for you.

But what about Seungcheol? How did he cope up? Was there ever a scope of healing for him?

Clearly not. You could see the entire span of heartbreak in the way he's sobbing now, face hidden behind his palms.

You want to engulf him in your embrace. Want to take all of his pain away. But you know if you reach out it would only hurt him more. So you wipe your tears hastily and walk out of his room.

Were you really going to do him any good? That's what you could think of.

"All you had to do is stay.", Seungcheol murmurs to the door which slammed shut when you walked out.

The flashlights are blinding. The fake smiles are nauseating. The entire venue is suffocating.

But you know better, being the wife of Choi Seungcheol comes with a whole lot of baggage. The most displeasing one to you being in the limelight. And Seungcheol knows it well, hence he has been attending every event he could despite his busy schedule only to drag you along with him in each one of them.

He takes pleasure in your discomfort throughout the night. His lips curl up everytime an obnoxious person approaches you just to sprut nonsense or talk business, your interest in neither.

You don't let go of your husband's arm. Though you know it attracts more of an unnecessary crowd, you don't let that grip loosen, not even for a moment.

"I don't understand you sometimes.", Seungcheol says as you both occupy a table at the corner, "You say you don't like the limelight but isn't that what you've been running for? You did marry me for my money, my status and my fame. What else do you want?"

Your gaze is fixated on the some random couple you don't know when you say, "What if all I need is you?", you crane your neck to meet his gaze.

Seungcheol breaks the gaze from you and he leaves the table. You have been confessing your feelings at every chance you could but to Seungcheol it's amusing, how swiftly you could lie through your teeth even without batting eyelashes. Marvelous he thinks and he hates you more each time.

That night, like any other, he fucks you dumb till the dawn.

You are not unaware of Seungcheol's hostility towards you. He thinks of you as nothing but a gold digger, a ruthless woman who wouldn't hesitate to trample people if they come the way of something you wanna achieve.

It's already been three months since you both got married. Three month of you chasing Seungcheol and him pushing you away.

When you, every morning take your sweet time in his walk-in closet only to select an attire he'd wear for the day, he later would unabashedly walk out wearing an entirely different outfit.

You can't cook to save your life but you wait for him, everyday at the table for breakfast but on spotting you, he walks out informing Ms. Oh he'd grab something on the way. But that didn't stop you. Nowadays you grab his arm forcefully and take him to the table, pester him until he gives up and eats the breakfast that's served.

He never spends the night with you in the sheets. Even though you're begging, he pads out of your room as soon as he's done.

You never miss to say the 'I love Yous' everytime he walks out of the door.

And you believe someday he'd say it back.

You take a deep breath as you arrive at the Choi mansion. It's kind of a ritual for the Choi's to hold a family dinner at least once every month. The last two times were kinda awkward but manageable.

But this time you're a lot hesitant because unlike for the last time, Seungcheol's father would be present and you're still thinking of making an excuse to skip it. But you also know Seungcheol looks forward to it a lot because it's not like he gets to spend a lot of time with this parents. Their busy schedules allow only a limited amount of time for togetherness and the three of them put every effort to make it happen.

"Welcome my sweethearts!", your mother in law coos as she embraces you both.

Seungcheol has noticed how stiff you go around his mother all the time now. Doesn't click, because when you both dated you and his mother got along really well. He wonders what could have happened.

His father walks out to recieve you both and Seungcheol suddenly feels a strong grip around his arms. He looks to find you sticking closer to him, your eyes unsure as his father approaches you both. He finds it odd. But again he knows his father and you never got along since the old days. It was mostly his father, who didn't let go if any chance to express his disliking towards you.

The dinner proceeds with horrible awkwardness. It's mostly the son catching up with his parents. You just sit quietly only giving short answers if asked anything. Your appetite is long gone.

"I have packed some dinner for Wonwoo.", his mother says, "and asked him to come and get it. That boy never joins us even though he drives you here everytime.", she says disappointed.

"Mom, that's how he is.", Seungcheol adds light heartedly.

"How are things going with your music academy?", Mr. Choi asks you and waits for you to speak with undivided attention.

"It's going to be hectic since it's gonna be the competition season soon.", you answer curtly.

"Are you going to participate or perform in any of the events?", Mrs. Choi asks.

"In a couple of them.", you say smiling at her.

You're heaving a sigh of relief as you walk out of the mansion to get some fresh air. Meanwhile, Seungcheol is bidding goodbyes to his parents. You don't think it's ever gonna get easy.

"I hope you're treating her well, son.", Mrs. Choi says with an undertone.

Seungcheol just looks at her in disbelief before speaking, "Are you being serious? That woman had broke me apart and you want me to treat her right?", he hisses, "No, sorry, I can't and I won't."

His mother sighs, "She is the one for you, Cheol. Make things right while you still have a chance. Don't do anything that you'll regret later."

"Mom, why--"

"Because there are things you might be unaware of. You don't know what the person on the other end might have gone through.", she smiles sadly, "Marriages are not meant for revenge, not when you both have feelings for each other."

Seungcheol laughs, "Feelings? I hate her mom!"

"You hate her because you have those feelings entangled in your heart, all in your head.", she pats his arms, "Otherwise it's been years Cheol, if there are no such feelings involved, you should been apathetic towards her."

Seungcheol knows he lost the debate then and there. But he's ready, to stab the knife and twist it. He has been preparing to suck out your soul hollow.

"You didn't have to come here, I know I make you uncomfortable."

You don't move on hearing the voice. You just keep looking ahead.

"I'm sure you must be happy, Mr. Choi.", your lips curl up slightly, "We aren't making any progress, he still hates me the same."

Mr. Choi chuckles bitterly, "Nothing I do would make you forgive me but I'm sorry. I'm really ashamed for what I had done--"

You hold your hand up to stop him and turn to look at him, "It's all meaningless and I know you don't mean a thing you say. All I could hope is that this time you don't interfere in our relationship"

You're walking out before he could speak further. When you get home, Seungcheol finds it odd once again when you don't try to initiate any conversation with him but rather go straight to your room, closing the door shut.

"Is it that bad?", you ask in a small voice, "Sorry, but this is all I could come up with."

There's no response from the other end. You think you might cry because the expression on Seungkwan's face, you're sure can't be of something good.

You get up embarassed, "We don't have enough time to create something else. I think you should ask someone else or take my name out the competition. I'm really sorry."

Then you're turning back to walk out of the room.

"I have never heard of anything this good.", comes Seungkwan's stern voice.

And the next few moments go by you chasing him and him running, screaming around in the hall to save his life.

"Aashole, I'm not taking part anymore", you say catching your breathe, "I'm done with you."

"You are not, honey.", he sits on a chair and says, "I heard you've taken a bunch of invitations out this time. Is it what I'm guessing?"

"Yeah. I'm going to invite Seungcheol, his parents, Wonwoo and some more people.", you deflate instantly, "Though, I'm assuming none of them would be attending."

Seungkwan chooses silence because he has nothing but some mere words of consolation to offer.

"I'm going have lunch with Seungcheol today, I'll give him the invitation card then."

"Okay ma'am! See you in the evening?", he asks, you nod.

Ridiculous or not, this is the first time you are visiting the Choi enterprise after your marriage. The staff are greeting you throughout, offering to guide you to Seungcheol's office but you had already texted Wonwoo and he diligently waits for you at the reception.

Something's off, you can sense it from Wonwoo's demeanor. He's not as bitchy as he generally is. When you're out of the elevator, he says, "The last cabin on the hallway."

You acknowledge and pull out an invitation card. He's surprised when give it him saying, "I hope you'll come to watch."

Wonwoo in turn surprises you with his respond, "Sure, I'll be there."

You gape at him but defer yourself from asking, not wanting to probe further.

"He doesn't have any meetings scheduled for the next two hours right?"

"No he doesn't and this is the time he usually has lunch."

"Ok thanks.", you excuse yourself and walk to his cabin door. You take a deep breath, anxious because Seungcheol doesn't know about your visit yet and you're not sure how he'd react.

You knock at his door and hear a faint come in. Sliding the handle you're met with an unpleasant sight.

Rather an unpleasant person, Jiah almost hovering over your husband. Seungcheol's brows cock at your unannounced presence.

"What are you doing here?", Jiah asks and you stand over crossing your arms. The response never comes.

"I asked what the hell are you doing here? Who gave you the permission to come here?"

You take out your phone and click a photo of both of them at such an angel which looks a lot more compromising than it actually is.

"What are you doing?", Seungcheol asks but you ignore him.

"Out.", you say glaring at Jiah.

"You are bold to assume I'd listen to you.", Jiah scoffs.

"So you'd listen to Seungcheol then.", you say smiling and look at your husband, "Tell her to get out of here."

Seungcheol generally is unbothered but something in your aura is scaring is him today. He knows of your anger and he wonders what could happen if you're ticked off.

"Jiah, leave.", Seungcheol commands and Jiah looks at him as if betrayed.

"Heard it, now get lost.", you say while approaching her. Jiah instantly gets the flashback of her getting slapped by you on your wedding day. She gets a shiver through her spine and she's almost scurrying out.

"You had done something to her, haven't you?", Seungcheol asks you, "I think I just now saw terror in her eyes."

"Doesn't concern you.", you snark at him.

"Why did you take that picture?", he asks again.

You lips curls up in a cold smile and Seungcheol for some reason feels petrified, "Oh this", you hold out your phone for him to see the picture you took, "If she stayed, I would have sent this to the media. And I'm not sure how'd your companies handle the reputation damage."

Seungcheol is rendered speechless because he knows you can be cynical at times.

"Let's have lunch after that you'll take the medicine and then we'll head home.", you say, "Or do you wanna go home first?"

Seungcheol gives you an incredulous look, "What nonsense are you blabbering? Why would I go home now?"

You return him a sharp look, "Because you're having a splitting headache."

Your husband is once again, rendered speechless. He gulps once, blinks twice and asks, "H-How did you know?"

"Does that even matter?", you say getting up, "Your eyes are red, you're biting your lips every two seconds and your legs, you're continuously tapping them."

While Seungcheol gapes at you, you're calling Wonwoo.

"Does he have any important meetings today?", you ask, "No, actually, can all the meetings be rescheduled to some other day?"

Seungcheol doesn't get to hear Wonwoo's response but he watches as the creases on your face flats out in relief.

"Thanks, please reschedule them and also could you please pull out the car? We'll be heading home now.", you tell him, "No need to come up here, I'll bring him with me."

And you're making another call.

"I won't be going back to the academy, please reschedule my classes.", you inform. Seungcheol listens to your side of conversation carefully, "Yes, with my husband.", then you're nodding your head, "Sounds good. Thanks a lot."

Suddenly Seungcheol becomes an obedient man. He let's you grab his coat and briefcase. He also let's you take his hand and guide through his entire office.

Throughout the way, anyone who comes across you both, coos in amazement. The way you're carefully treading your way holding your husband and the way your husband's eyes are only on you is enciting. Pictures are being taken, praises are being whispered.

On the way to home, you call Ms. Oh, instructing her to cook something light but definitely not bland because Seungcheol won't even touch it at the sight.

When Seungcheol comes to the dining table after washing up, he finds you waiting for him. He's surprised at himself because he doesn't deter you when you're holding the spoon to his mouth. He eats all of it without uttering a word. When you're handing him the glass of water, he waits for you to hand him the medicine. When you take him to his bedroom, he lays down, subtly towards the inner side leaving you space to sit.

He is discreetly grabbing the corner of your dress when you massage his head. He hopes that his grip doesn't loosen when he falls asleep. And he feels your lips gently grazing his forehead as he falls asleep.

Seungcheol might be surprised at his own behaviour but you're definitely not. You know your husband becomes unhinged clingy whenever he feels unwell so if tonight he goes back to his asshole behaviour, you'd surmise that he has recovered.

The next day, when Seungcheol is getting ready for office, you walk into the room already dressed up and before he could scold you're handing him the invitation card.

"I had visited your office yesterday with the purpose of giving you this invitation card.", you smile, "There's a competition and I'm gonna perform. It's in a month later, so please clear your schedules ahead. I hope you'd come."

You are already dejected because you're sure he won't be attending but there's still a silver lining in your heart which makes you think he might come and watch you perform.

While Seungcheol takes a look at the card, you are rushing out saying him bye.

The dining table is empty but Seungcheol sits trying to simmer down his curiousity but ultimately fails.

"Did she already have breakfast?", he asks Ms. Oh.

"No", she answers with concern, "When I asked her, she said something about having classes throughout the day, because she couldn't take those yesterday. Also, she said she'd be returning late at night."

"Her phone has been ringing since early morning", she adds, "She was waiting for you get up so she could give you the invitation card.", a smile spreads across her lips, "She gave one to me as well."

Seungcheol knows your dedication towards music and he is aware that the academy is your lifeline.

You had to skip breakfast and now that you have another set of classes lined up, you are running on heels to grab quick lunch. The competition season are meant to be hectic for the tutees as well as the mentors. And you being the only one with Cello being the instrument it's getting tougher.

It's 2 at night when you are finally done with the classes as well the paperwork. You check your phone and among the enormous amount of calls and texts your mood deflates when none of them belonged to Seungcheol. What did you expect? He's probably happy with you off his tail. You're not sure why but suddenly you think it's better to stay the night at the academy to avoid the hassle. You've pulled this before as well and it's convenient when you have to take early classes.

It's not like anyone is waiting for you at home.

This goes on for the whole week. You barely get to spend time at home. Early mornings you would sneak into your husband's room whom you dearly miss, just to catch a glimpse of his pretty face while he's asleep. And it becomes a habit, you press a soft kiss on his forehead each time carefully because he's light sleeper.

Despite knowing everything, despite of the hectic schedule Seungcheol is pulling you in for another event. Even though you tried to decline he's not listening. So here you are in another event that is making you sick.

You catch a breathe when you spot Eunsoo attending the same event.

"I barely see you these days", she says leaning against you.

"Only the people in the academy see me all the time.", you gruff, "I'm already so tired and now I had to attend this event."

"Seungcheol won't let you catch you a breathe.", Eunsoo laments, "How are you both doing? Any progress made?"

You sigh wishfully, "I really wish. Though he doesn't scowl as soon as I come in the periphery of his vision, he still can't quite tolerate me."

"Have you ever thought of telling him the truth?", Eunsoo asks.

"It will beat the purpose of hiding it at first place itself.", you say as you look at your husband talking with which you assume is a business partner, "It would hurt him a thousand times more than it did. It's for his sake."

"What if he doesn't change? How long are you going to keep on trying?"

The question falls on you like a bucket of ice cold water.

As long as your heart prevails, you think.

"What are your plans for Tuesday?", Eunsoo cocks her brows comically, "Can we meet atleast?"

"Honestly, I wanna catch a breathe.", you say tiredly, "But you all won't let me do that."

"It's your birthday bitch, stop being a granny.", Eunsoo rolls her eyes, "I'm not sure whether your dickhead husband knows it or not, we won't let you mop over him."

Your heart hurts. Ofcourse Seungcheol remembers but he won't acknowledge it as for you know.

"I have made a prior appointment so you can't cancel on us", she tugs at your arm.

"Ok fine, anyways I have taken the day off.", you say, "But let's spend it at Mingyu's house. Also, nothing too fancy please."

"Noted Ma'am. I'll go catch up with Miyeon.", she says and leans in to whisper in your ear, "Your husband is literally undressing you with his eyes, gross.", and then she walks away.

You do everything to passtime but never once look at Seungcheol. Because whenever you've swept your gaze it's always some random lady trying to leech onto your husband and him never ushering them away. You know he's doing it on purpose just to irk you but for the past few days it's getting to you.

Like now, your presence feels like a joke.

Blame it on exhaustion, blame it on lovesickness, there are tears pricking at the corner of your eyes.

And that's why you're standing at the balcony of a deserted area frantically wiping your eyes and cheeks. Seungcheol wouldn't even notice if you're gone, that thought itself brings another bout of fresh tears to your eyes.

As the cool breeze grazes your face and arms, your mind lingers back to the past few months since you've been married. When you were mentally preparing nerve will to get back Seungcheol, he was also equally preparing to get back to you.

You might have underestimated Seungcheol's pettiness. You might be questioning your determination now.

"What are you doing here?", you are wiping your tears once again upon hearing Seungcheol's voice.

"Nothing much.", you say dismissively, "I think I'm gonna head out now. You can stay, no need to be bothered."

As you're walking out, a strong grip makes you halt in steps.

"Let's leave.", he says when you look at him before walking out of the venue hand in hand. The ride back to home is heavy. It sits on your chest.

"Everyone deserves a second chance, Seungcheol.", your voice cracks, "You know me all too well, you know how to throw a jab. But this is me trying."

Seungcheol is skeptical, about you, about everything you say, not his fault, you have made him the man he is today.

"I know you love to win.", your blootshot eyes look at him, but they hold so much grievance within them, "I might as well let you win this time."

The door shut echos throughout the house, just as your words echoes in Seungcheol's head.

"Isn't that Wonwoo?", you squint your eyes one more before confirming.

"Wonwoo!", you call him out and the later get startled and once spotting you freezes on spot.

A tutee you have been mentoring has her mother admitted in the hospital whom you've been visiting regularly.

"What are you doing here?", you ask him and notice his dilated pupil.

"Are you okay--"

"Mr. Jeon", you see a doctor standing beside him say, "Your brother's condition has deteriorated and if we delay the surgery it will cause more implications.", his voice turns grimer,"The reports don't look good, please let us know your decision as soon as possible."

Wonwoo collapses on the floor as soon as the doctor leaves.

"Oh my god, Wonwoo!", you hold him, make sit on the chair and bring him a glass of water.

You panic when the man in front of you suddenly bursts into tears. With no idea what's happening, how to console him, you watch him quietly as he pours his heart out.

Once he calms down, you take him to the nearby cafe. Wonwoo isn't a guy of many words so as expected he's keeping his mouth shut when you ask him. Bonus, you know he hates you.

When you almost threaten him with digging information yourself and calling Seungcheol, he pleads you not to do so. That's when you come to know that his brother has been suffering from a rare disease and has been hospitalized since last three years. Seungcheol knows about this and has already been paying Wonwoo generously so he could cover the bills. But his brother needs a series of surgeries which would cost a lot more and what's more devastating is it doesn't even ensure recovery.

"Have you talked to Seungcheol about this?"

Wonwoo vigorously shakes his head, "He has already been paying me a lot more than promised. I can't leech of him."

"He's not only your employer, Seungcheol's your friend as well.", you tell him, "Fine you don't have to ask him, how much do you need?"

His eyes go wide and he thinks he has misheard.

You are smiling when you place your hand upon on his on the table affirmingly, "Let me help you please. I know you don't consider me as a friend, but I do."

"No. Never. I shouldn't--"

"It's not for free.", you say and Wonwoo gulps nervously.

"Y/N, please. I can't take help from you. I won't be able to repay you."

"Then I'm telling Seungcheol--"

"Ok fine.", Wonwoo says hesitantly, "Please tell me how I could repay you?"

You smile mischievously, "Well for the starters you can stop being a bitch to me."

Wonwoo gapes at you and when laughs when he finally gets the joke.

"Thanks Y/N. I'll be forever indebted to you."

"Wonseok will be recover soon."

He nods, "Hopefully.", he's a little hesitant but thinks that there's never a right time more than this to bring this up.

He takes a deep breath and asks, "I overheard your conversation with Mr. Choi that night at the mansion."

He watches you freeze.

"I think it has something to do with.....", he doesn't speak it out and continues cautiously, "I might sound rude, but please tell me all of it because no matter how much I think about it now, it's not making sense."

You're hot on heels. You think you should immediately run away but that was never an option so it isn't as now.

"I'll tell you", you say fumbling with your fingers, "but first promise that you won't tell Seungcheol."

"Are the papers ready?", Seungcheol asks Jiah while going through some documents on his laptop.

Jiah's ear to ear grin says it all. She fishes out a file from her bag and hands it over to Seungcheol.

"What will happen if I take her lifeline away from her?", a sinisteric smile splits across his lips. His disgust, pettiness and hatred towards you have only curved into a humungous ball ever since he saw you again.

He hates when you claim to be his wife, he hates when you act as if the betrayal never happened, he hates the sight of you. So he has been waiting. Waiting for the right time to break your bones.

He wants nothing but for you to have the taste of your own poison.

"When are you planning to strike the hammer?", Jiah asks excitedly.

Seungcheol smirks, gazes at the pages of the flat open file, "This is gonna be interesting. The more buildup, the more pain. I'll be the one to nail the coffin, when the time is right."

He's already imagining your deserted state and the rush he's feeling through his body is impeccable.

He checks the calendar and your birthday pops up. Let it be the start, he plots.

Tuesday rolls in a blink of an eye with you currently groaning because your phone keeps on ringing disrupting your long planned sleep schedule.

"Mom", you grumble into the phone, "Let me sleep..."

"Happy Birthday to our precious!", you hear both your parents wish from the other end, "I'll be making all your favourite food, please come soon. Your dad has even baked your favourite cookies", you hear some rumbles before she continues, "and burnt his hands in the process."

You are not surprised, not at all.

"I'll be there in an hour.", you inform, "I have plans with my friends as well."

"And what about Seungcheol?", your father asks and you're quick to dismiss it.

Battling the urge to sleep for the whole day, you finally separate yourself from your bed. You have your whole day planned ahead and not a thing in it includes Seungcheol.

Before you could stow away, Ms. Oh catches you, making you drink the seaweed soup. You gulp down the delicious soup while your brother, who's out the country for attending yet another business matter facetimes you.

The day goes by you getting pampered by your parents who don't let you leave until it's Eunsoo, Mingyu & Seungkwan who physically had to barge into your parents house to take you away.

You are pleasantly surprised to see Wonwoo already waiting for you by the car.

"He's a gang member now.", Mingyu declares happily.

Another round of cake cutting and recieving gifts before you all catch up and drink to wash away the worries of life. Every time your phone dinges, you anticipate it to be from the one who hogs your mind but it's never him.

You decided to call it a night, thanking your friends happily and bidding them farewell as Wonwoo who on purpose kept low on drinking to drive you back home.

It's almost 11, you check the time while entering. You are crossing the hallway when you notice something on the centre table, a 3 tier red velvet cake sitting on it. Not trying to mind it, you are beelining towards your bedroom when you Seungcheol walks out of it.

"Happy Birthday, Y/N.", he wishes you with crescent eyes and toothy smile which makes you think you had one too many drinks so now you're hallucinating.

It's not until Seungcheol holds your hands, you snap of it.

"We've still got sometime until it's midnight", he then turns you back to hallway, "Let's cut the cake."

You push all the brewing questions at the back of your mind. For once you want to be happy without thinking of causes or consequences.

When you cut the cake, Seungcheol sings the birthday song. He makes you take a bite of your favourite cake before you could feed him. He brushes the cream off his fingers onto your cheeks and nose. Just like the old days, when you both dated.

The music starts all of a sudden and he's taking your hands. Your feet dance perfectly to the rhythm because you both have done this before, for many times.

As your heart soars, you try to blink away the tears. But also, unknowingly you're falling into your husband's woven webs of opacity.

→ Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ��️

[ichorai]

water dragon ; aemond targaryen. (m)

the sequel to little dragon!

pairing ; aemond targaryen x tully!f!reader

synopsis ; aemond loved his wife and his children more than anything. to lose one of them... that would bring nothing but war to the seven kingdoms.

words ; 10.3k

themes ; fluff, smut (minors dni!), heavy angst, established relationship (married), parents au

warnings / includes ; major character death (please proceed with caution), blood & cheese, descriptions of violence/blood, unprotexted sex scenes, sex in the rain, jealous!aemond, foul language, you and aemond have three children (syraena, kyrion, myra), cameos of the rest of the hotd characters, syraena experiencing gender dysphoria :( aemond being a good father/husband (most of the time), kyrion is a dragon dreamer, aegon being gross and touching you inappropriately, so sorry if the valyrian isn't completely correct </3 the timeline for this fic is a bit shifted so that king viserys dies a couple years later than he does in the show (so the children have more time to grow) lots & lots of foreshadowing !! there will be a part three.

main masterlist.

A dull, heavy thud resounded across the training yard when Criston swung his morningstar at Aemond yet again, its thick spikes missing his cheek by a hair’s breadth as he gracefully spun away, the ball landing onto the ground. Before his mentor could strike him again, Aemond darted around him in the blink of an eye, slanting the longsword’s blade against Criston’s throat. 

“If we were enemies on a battlefield, you would be dead,” the Prince murmured.

The Dornish knight raised his hands in surrender. “Then I am grateful we are neither enemies nor at battle.”

With a hum, Aemond let the sword retreat back to his side, turning to place it back on the weapons rack. Only, he found his gaze falling on a small girl amongst the onlookers, her e/c eyes wide, curious, and eagerly dark.

“Syraena? What are you doing here?” he asked his eldest daughter, striding up to her and staring her down with the most stern expression he could muster. It was an hour past noon, and that meant she was supposed to be at her embroidery lessons with the Septa. Or perhaps it was dancing lessons? Aemond couldn’t quite recall. Either way, she wasn’t supposed to be here.

Upon further inspection, he noted that her wispy hair was far shorter and more scraggly than usual, small bits of silver strands littered over her scrawny shoulders.

“What did you—did you cut your hair?” Aemond accused, his single eye narrowing as he knelt down in front of her. “Gods, your mother is going to have my head.”

“Do you like it, Kepa?” Syraena replied, wildly ruffling the short silver tendrils with a wide smile. “I found a sharp shard of glass by that broken window beside the mess hall… and I cut my hair with it!”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Aemond blew out a long, exasperated sigh. Though this wasn’t the first time Syraena had startled her parents, prone to impulsive recklessness, it didn’t make her proclivities any less hard on Aemond’s heart. “Darling, that is wildly careless. Don’t ever do that again, you understand me? Come on—you shouldn’t be here, your mother must be worried to death searching for you.”

Swiftly, he wound his arms around the six year-old, lifting her up so she would sit over his waist. Of course, Syraena being Syraena, pulled a sour face and began reaching out for Criston, who was observing on with an amused expression.

“But I want to watch you spar!” she complained, twisting in his grasp and kicking at his stomach. Aemond had to bite down on his tongue to swallow his groan of pain, but he held onto her tight nonetheless. “Kepa, let me down! Let me go!”

“You should be in your lessons,” Aemond chastised, striding up the winding stairs back into the Keep. 

Pouting, Syraena let herself flop limply against Aemond’s shoulder. “I hate lessons. I hate the Septa. I hate being a girl.”

Raising a brow, Aemond glanced down at her before softly patting the back of her head. Though he hadn’t a clue what it was like to be a woman in Westeros, he could understand her feeling of not belonging amongst others who seemed to belong so easily. Syraena never got along with other girls her age, who were often afraid of her callousness and her tempestuous nature. In that respect, Aemond supposed his daughter was just like him.

“I’m sorry, my sea dragon. Perhaps I’ll let the Septa know that you no longer wish to dance.” 

“And embroider!”

“Hm. That, as well.”

Syraena grinned widely—her curved lips reminiscent of yours.

“Kepa?”

“Mmh?”

“Don’t tell mother I cut my hair,” she whispered, eyes shining with worry.

It was hard for Aemond to suppress his smile. “I’m sure she’ll notice regardless of whether I tell her or not, darling,” he gently told her.

Her expression dropped. “I didn’t mean to cut it this short. I just don’t like my long hair.”

“You’re very beautiful either way, Syraena,” he easily replied, before stopping in front of his chambers, where he knew you were watching over their baby daughter. “Alright. You go on inside—I’ll go speak to your Septa.”

He set his daughter down on her feet. She loitered by the door, dragging her feet glumly.

With a bark of a laugh, Aemond nudged her forward. “Go on. Your mother won’t be angry. Not that much, at least.”

Aemond’s only son, Kyrion, was a quiet boy. Only five years of age, born less than eleven moons after Syraena, he was already of greater intelligence than most far older than him, growing a knack for reading and drawing. The maesters would often express that his mind was developing much quicker than what was deemed normal. 

Not only that, but he was quite handsome, as well, with strikingly sharp features akin to his father, and a head of snow-white curls. His eyes were a pale shade of purple, always distant and clouded over with thought. From as soon as he began to talk, Kyrion often spoke in strange, twisted riddles, mystifying both you and Aemond to no end.

King Viserys, as sickly as he was, had claimed him to be a dragon dreamer. Alicent had hushed him then, thinking he was on another one of his senseless rambles, and gently asked the two of you to step out so he could get some rest.

Now, as Aemond sat with his son in the library, he pondered the possibility of it all. Perhaps Kyrion had a divine gift—the ability to see glimpses of the future. He would have to speak with you about it, see what you thought first.

Even if it were true, Aemond didn’t want to put any kind of unnecessary pressure on his son. Kyrion was only five, after all, no matter how startlingly intelligent he was.

“And what does this say?” He tested the boy, tapping his finger against the dusty Valyrian book.

Immediately, Kyrion replied in his soft, far-away voice, “Zaldrīzoti mērī ipradagon parklon. Dragons only eat meat.”

“Hm. Good.”

“It should be more specific,” said Kyrion, hands fidgeting beneath the table. “Dragons only eat cooked meat.”

A ghost of a proud smile hovered over Aemond’s lips. “That is correct—this book is old, from a time before maesters were able to record accurate, detailed information about dragons.”

Kyrion didn’t reply, flipping the worn, yellowed page.

“What does this mean?” he eventually asked, pointing at an unfamiliar word.

Aemond glanced over at the book, before blanching, and cleared his throat hastily. The paragraph was depicting a few different maesters’ debates on the mating practices of dragons—a topic of which Aemond was not too keen on broaching with his five year-old son. 

“Mmh… nothing of importance. Keep on reading, my water dragon. You’re doing very well.”

Blinking up at him with his large, pale violet eyes. He seemed to sense his father’s discomfort, so he let the matter drop, returning his attention to the book. Aemond blew out a relieved breath—he’d surely have to tell you about this later tonight.

Myra Targaryen, the youngest of Aemond’s children at three years of age, was a sweet little girl with a soft heart, always wearing a gentle smile. She loved all things in nature, and had a near unbearingly kind soul. She loved singing and dancing, a stark contrast to Syraena, who turned her nose away at such activities. At times Aemond wondered how Myra could possibly be his kin, for she was far too pure and he was… certainly not.

Unlike her sharp-faced siblings, Myra’s features were much softer and healthily plump. Her hair was a shade darker than them as well, the curls a silver-gold hue of blonde. Though Aemond was hoping for another daughter that bore your beautiful eye color, Myra was born with his dark purple irises, nearly blue in certain lighting.

As you had left to soak in a bath, Aemond had taken it upon himself to put his river dragon to sleep, tucking her beneath a fleece blanket and brushing her flaxen away from her drooping eyelids, heavy with exhaust from the day.

“Ēdrū sȳrī, Myra,” he whispered, brushing a kiss upon her forehead. Sleep well.

“Night-night, Kepa,” she responded, grinning sleepily, dimples indenting her chubby cheeks. “Today I saw a butterfly in the gardens!”

“Mmh, was it a large butterfly?”

“No. It was very small—smaller than my hand! I named it Hūra, because it was white, like the moon.”

Finding her grin contagious, Aemond felt a smile flicker over his usually stoic demeanor. “A lovely name. Your Aunt Helaena loves butterflies, as well. Perhaps you can tell her all about Hūra tomorrow.”

Myra enthusiastically nodded, before sitting up against her feather-pillows, reaching up to her father to press a sweet kiss against his scar, just below his eyepatch.

By the Gods, he could nearly feel tears prick the corner of his vision, but he managed to subdue them for a minute, not wanting to weep in front of his young daughter, lest she grew worried for him.

“I like Kepa’s scar,” she mumbled as she settled back down to go to sleep. “How did you get it?”

Aemond was silent for a long while, unsure of what to tell her. “An accident,” he simply replied. 

“Does it hurt?”

It did, at times. Not as often as it used to, but there were instances he could still feel phantom pains throbbing behind the leather patch. “Not anymore,” he lied, voice quiet.

If Myra had any other questions, she didn’t get the chance to ask them, already drifting off into slumber.

Aemond hummed, before rising onto his feet, making his way out of her chambers. To his surprise, you were hovering by the doorway, arms crossed and affection written plainly over your expression.

“I just put Kyrion to bed,” you whispered, leaning into his touch when he cradled your face with his palms with a quiet greeting. “He was speaking in riddles again—something about a deal with a stag?”

The two of you began making your way down the hall, to your shared chambers. “Stag?” he asked. “Baratheons?”

“I don’t know.” You shook your head, sighing. “I worry for him.”

Aemond slipped into the room after you, shutting the door behind him. He gathered you in his arms, capturing your lips with his in a chaste kiss. When he pulled away, he studied your concerned features—just as beautiful as the day he’d met you.

“We’ll be fine, dōna embar,” he reassured you, leading you to bed with a protective hand resting over your lower back. You loosely smiled at the nickname—sweet sea. “The dragon-trouts are strong. No house, stag or otherwise, could ever lay a hand on them.”

Instead of responding, you kissed him again, your nose bumping against his in your haste. The both of you laid down on the tall mattress, the promise of sleep whispering sand into your ears.

Before you could fall into a dreamless rest, however, Aemond quietly murmured, “I’m assuming Syraena didn’t tell you she cut her hair with a shard of glass she found by a broken window. Kyrion also asked about mating practices whilst we were in the library. And Myra wanted to know how I got my scar.”

Startled at the sudden barrage of information, you abruptly sat up, eyes wide, sleep suddenly the very last thing on your mind. “What?”

The next morning was dreary. 

It was a rare thing for rain to grace the capital, as it was usually arid and warm. But the skies were grey and thunderous, miniscule pinpricks of water beginning to fall from the dark clouds. You stood on your chamber’s balcony, enjoying the cooler temperatures and the light drizzles dampening your skin, your hair, your sleeping shift. It’d been several moons since it last rained—compared to your original home, the Riverlands, King’s Landing simply paled in comparison. How you missed the feeling.

Aemond, on the other hand, seemed indifferent to the change in weather. He stepped out to join you, one of his spindly hands reaching out to grasp the damp fabric around your waist, the other moving upward to tilt your chin so you’d look at him.

“How beautiful you are, ābrazȳrys,” he whispered, trailing kisses down from the corner of your lips to your jaw. The Valyrian word for wife was uttered with an extra husky tone. “The hour is quite early—the children are still fast asleep.” There was a rough, needy scratch to his voice, indiscreetly conveying his lustful intentions.

With a wanton grin, you replied breathily, “Fuck me in the rain, Aemond. Fuck me until I can’t wa—”

Before you could finish your sentence, Aemond was already shoving you up against the stone railing, his hot mouth slanted desperately over yours. You kissed him back with just as much vigor, curling one of your legs around his waist. Already, you could feel his length hardening, pressing against your lower stomach.

You moaned lewdly into his mouth when the hand that had been under your chin snaked further downwards to grasp at your breasts through the drenched shift, his nimble fingers pinching at your sensitive peaks. His other hand relinquished his grasp on your waist, slipping beneath the fabric between your thighs and running a finger through your folds. The action made you cry out, grasping his forearms for dear life.

“You’re already drenched for me,” Aemond susurrated, pulling away from your lips, which you had chased after with a sigh, littering kisses against your bobbing throat. “Ñuha jorrāelagon.” My love.

“Please, Aemond,” you croaked, needing more. “Please, I need you inside me.”

With a hum, Aemond swiftly shoved your damp shift up to bunch around your waist, leaving your lower half completely bare for him. 

“Who am I to deny you, embar?” he whispered, biting the outside of your ear, before slowly sliding his leaking, throbbing length into your cunt. “Fuck! Mmh—you take me so well, sweet wife.”

Slowly, he began rocking into you, prideful at the way you rolled your eyes into the back of your head. Your shift, clinging against you like a second skin thanks to the rain, made the motions of your heaving, bouncing breasts all the more enticing. He ducked his head to freckle kisses over your chest as he thrust into you, murmuring praises into the wet fabric.

A clap of thunder drowned out the obscene noises the both of you were making. 

Wildly, Aemond tore himself out of you, extinguishing the fiery complaints on the tip of your tongue by turning you over and pushing your stomach into the railing, so you could face the city. You were far too high up for anyone to clearly see, but the thrill of it was there, nonetheless.

Your husband slid back into you with a deep groan and a string of curses, sloppily pounding you from behind as he neared his peak. He wound an arm around you to languidly stroke at your pulsing clit, which had you bucking back into him with a surprised choke of his name.

It wasn’t long until you collapsed against him, your cunt clenching around his cock like a vice, white stars bursting out in front of your vision. Not too soon after, Aemond spilled himself within you, his hot cum dripping out of your core and down your thighs, panting against your shoulder. 

“Mmh,” you moaned once he slowly pulled out, so as to not overwhelm you with overstimulation. “I do hope it rains in King’s Landing more often.”

“If it leads to more of this, then so do I,” Aemond replied, turning you around with gentle touches to kiss you soundly. “For now, how does a hot bath sound?”

Myra’s shrieks of laughter echoed across the large chambers as she clumsily ran away from Syraena, who was enacting a large, hungry dragon searching for her prey. 

“Kepa, help me!” she screamed, scrambling to hide behind her father’s legs. Amused, Aemond picked up his youngest girl, setting her on his hip. His eldest clung to his shin, forcing Aemond to drag the both of them across the room as they squealed in delight. 

“Faster!” Syraena ordered. Aemond made a mental note to tell Criston he was most likely going to be late for training today, knowing his girls probably wouldn’t let go of him for the next few hours.

On the other side of the chambers, you sat by your son next to the fireplace, sipping on a chalice of spiced apple cider. Kyrion was sprawled out on the expensive chaise, the corner of his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated on drawing on a piece of parchment with a coal-tipped pencil.

“Mother, look,” he said, pulling your attention away from your husband and the excited girls. The paper was pushed onto your lap, covered with black smudges and hastily drawn lines. “This is what I see in my dreams.”

You blinked, studying the drawings closer. “What is it, honey? Are those trees?”

His white hair flew every which way as he vehemently shook his head. His small hand pointed at the six figures, hovering a few inches above the uneven ground. “Those are people. They didn’t bend the knee.”

Horror’s dark fingers wrapped around your heart, and you reared back to stare at your son. “Kyrion, what is this? You… have you seen this?” 

His pale violet eyes met your terrified ones. “In my dreams,” he repeated, voice soft and tame, as if he hadn’t just drawn a picture of six lords hanging from the gallows. “You don’t have dreams like those?”

Still in shock, you shook your head, mute.

Kyrion studied you for a moment longer, before grabbing another sheet of paper to start drawing again. “You’re lucky, mother. Sometimes I feel it.”

“Why is that, Kyrion? What else do you feel?”

The little boy shrugged. “The milk curdles, the blood spills.” He fell quiet after that, clearly done with the conversation.

Struggling for words, you blew out a long breath, before looking back at the parchment. You leaned forward to press a kiss to his head, patting down his short white curls, before standing up and making your way to Aemond, his drawing in hand. Myra had somehow ended up on his shoulders, yelling for help as Syraena jumped around, trying to catch her little sister’s flailing feet.

“Mama,” the young river dragon cried, reaching out to you with tearful purple-blue eyes. “Syraena bit me!”

True to her word, there were shallow teeth marks imprinted in her chubby shin. Syraena grinned at her handiwork, looking none too apologetic. 

“Aemond!” you sharply reprimanded, which made your husband flinch at the sudden attention, puzzled as to why the blame was placed on him instead of Syraena. “Gods, did you just stand by and watch as your daughters mauled each other?”

“I was outnumbered, darling. They are vicious little things, our girls,” Aemond lightly replied, letting go of the golden-haired girl so she could cling onto you, sobbing into your neck. At your stern expression, Aemond added on, “Syraena, say sorry to your sister.”

With a quick tongue, she quickly said with years of rehearsed practice, “Sorry, Myra. Can I come watch you train now, Kepa?” 

Before he could reply, you stepped in. “Ah-ah, Syraena. You need to go to the Septa and apologize for running away from your lessons yesterday. You may be excused from embroidery and dancing, but that doesn’t give you the right to be rude.”

Glum, Syraena glanced at her father, who only beckoned her along. “Listen to your mother.”

With a heavy exhale, the silver-haired girl stomped out of the room to do as she was bid. 

You traced your hand along the bite mark on Myra’s leg. “It’s not too bad, sweetheart. Go on—go ask your brother if you can draw with him.”

Sniffling, Myra slid down from your arms and waddled off to sit by Kyrion, who wordlessly scooched over to make space for his little sister.

“What’s wrong?” Aemond asked, noting the worry in your expression. The once light-hearted atmosphere seemed to dissolve away in an instant.

Pursing your lips, you handed over the drawing. 

“Kyrion said he saw this in his dreams. People hanging… he said they didn’t bend the knee,” you whispered. 

Aemond studied the coal-streaked parchment, eye narrowed. “Perhaps that’s all it was… just a dream.”

“Or it could be a vision. Your father said it himself—our son is a dragon dreamer,” you responded, gripping his forearm. “Aemond, I’m worried that war is upon us. Sooner than we think it is.”

There was little Aemond could truthfully say to comfort you, and so he simply drew you close, breathing in your homely scent—pleasantly noting that he could still smell the rain on you. 

“It’ll be alright,” he murmured sincerely. “I won’t let anything happen to you, or our family. I’ll keep you safe.”

Blinking away the tears stinging the corner of your eyes, you pressed your nose against his throat. “I’m not sure you’d be able to, husband. Not in a war for the iron throne. Nobody is safe from that.”

Your law-sister, Helaena, had always harbored a gentle, sweet soul—a direct opposite to her brother and husband, Aegon. The very thought of being trapped in a loveless marriage, made to squeeze out heirs for a monster of a man was already nightmarish enough… you couldn’t fathom what it was like for Helaena to endure such a life. Nonetheless, she was often as happy as one could be, dreamily smiling and murmuring unintelligible words to herself. 

That evening you found yourself having tea with her, listening to her speak about the strange weather and the bugs she had found washed up in the gardens due to the rain. 

“Many worms, yes,” she mumbled, fiddling with a wooden carving of a cockroach. “Worms and drowned ants. Ants and drowned worms. Beetles, as well, yes.”

You smiled, glancing at her children, Jaehaerys and Jaehaera, playing with yours—though Kyrion wasn’t really playing with his cousins, more just standing in the shadows and silently watching his sisters play with them. He truly was a copy of his father, after all.

“The poor creatures,” you surmised. “Rid of their homes and families just because of a bit of rain.” A bit of guilt twinged within your chest—just earlier today, you had told Aemond you wished for it to rain more.

“Oh, it’s not all that bad,” Helaena hummed, looking up at you with a mild grin. “Death gives way to more life. There will soon be new worms, new ants, new beetles. It’s simply the way of nature.”

You nodded, setting down your teacup. “I suppose you’re right. It’s just a shame that it has to happen in the first place.”

To your surprise and none of Aemond’s, all the childrens’ dragon eggs hatched within their cradles. They were growing larger and larger every day, being looked after by the dragon keepers before the children could ride them.

Today, Aemond took them down to the Dragon Pit, where his children were going to bond with their respective beasts. You were invited to come, as you always were when Aemond went off on his excursions with the kids, but you had wrinkled your nose and turned back to your book. 

“I have no taste for stinking of dragon today, thank you,” you curtly replied, grinning down at your book. “Don’t you think Myra is a bit too young to bond with her dragon? She’s only three.”

“It doesn’t hurt to get acquainted,” he swiftly replied, before bending at the waist to slant a sweet kiss to your hairline, before taking his leave to head out of his chambers and wrangle his kids down to the Pit.

They were excited to go, Syraena most especially, practically sprinting down the corridors. He called out after her to slow down, but she paid him no mind. 

The Dragon Pit smelled of smoke and charred meat and something distinctly dragon.

Keepers brought out the three dragonlings, playfully nipping at each other’s wings and yipping as if they were young pups. 

The largest of the trio was named Aerion—Syraena’s dragon. He was a slender beauty, with shining black scales and sharp, crimson wing membranes. With the Keeper’s nod, Syraena confidently marched forward, stroking her dragon’s head, a toothy grin plastered across her lips. Aerion seemed to purr beneath her touch, plumes of grey smoke falling from his nostrils.

Next to come forward was Kyrion’s dragon, his rippling scales a dark shade of green and sharp eyes a molten amber. “Tyvaros,” Aemond heard his son mumble his dragon’s name. “Tyvaros.” A bit more timid, Kyrion hesitantly stepped forward and, with the Keeper’s approval, he reached out for the small green dragon. He was the calmest of the three, leaning forward to gently nudge his head against Kyrion’s shoulder.

The smallest of the hatchlings was Goldentooth, a pale, cream-hued dragon with aureate spikes running down her back and along her tail. She was Myra’s to claim, having been the very last to hatch. 

“Go on, Qelbar.” He gently nudged his flaxen-haired daughter forward. River, he affectionately called her. “Don’t you want to bond with her?”

Myra nodded, teeth sinking into her bottom lip. “What if she doesn’t like me?”

“I can’t see a reason why she wouldn’t like you,” he calmly responded, patting her back. “Your brother and sister are getting along with their dragons just fine. It took me a long time to bond with a dragon, as well. You’ll get there, eventually.”

His words seemed to instill some courage into her, and so she shuffled along to the last Keeper, murmuring hello to her dragon. It wasn’t long until the fear subsided, and the small dragon was already climbing all over her arms and shoulders.

After an hour of bonding, the Keepers were hoarding the dragons further down into the Pit for feeding, and in turn, Aemond took the children back up into the Keep. They all stank of dragon, something you definitely weren’t going to be happy with, but had wide smiles on their faces nonetheless.

There was a hearing carried out on the subject of the heir to Driftmark (which was settled in an unsettlingly gorey manner, courtesy of Daemon Targaryen), which meant Princess Rhaenyra and her sons were back in King’s Landing for quite a while, to Aemond’s displeasure. You, on the other hand, bore no ill-will to the Princess, and were rather excited for the royal dinner to be held the next day. 

The night after Vaemond’s beheading, Kyrion had tugged on your skirts and asked if you could accompany him to the library so he could return his book.

“Alright,” you told him with a small smile. “But we must be quick about it—the hour grows late, and I can see how sleepy you are.”

The purple-eyed boy nodded, taking your hand as the two of you made your way down the dark corridors, to the library. When the both of you turned the corner, you nearly ran straight into Lucerys, jumping back in surprise.

“Oh, Gods! My apologies, my Princes,” you exclaimed, flustered at the sudden appearance of Rhaenyra’s sons. “I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

Lucerys tilted his head. “No need to apologize, Lady Tully.”

“Targaryen. Tully is my maiden name—I’m married to Prince Aemond now,” you gently corrected. 

“Evidently so,” said Jace, glancing at your son with a polite smile. “This must be my little cousin. Kyrion, isn’t it?”

The white-haired boy stared up at him with his pale eyes. “Ice and fire. Arrows and seas. Pacts and death. I saw you in my dreams.”

“Kyrion,” you hastily reprimanded, mortified that your son was speaking of death in front of Princess Rhaenyra’s eldest son, gathering the small boy up in your arms. “Sorry, he must be tired. It’s his bedtime—” 

“He doesn’t look much like you, does he?” Lucerys observed, finding it eerily strange to be staring at a little boy that was a near carbon copy of the bane of his childhood. 

Brows furrowing, you hesitantly replied, knowing the stale animosity between him and your husband, “I… I suppose not, my Prince. He takes after his father. My daughters, too.”

“Ah, then we must arrange to meet them. I’m sure your children would enjoy playing with my little brothers, Aegon and Viserys. They must be around the same age,” said Jace in an amicable manner. 

Before you had a chance to respond, a familiar voice spat, “And why, pray tell, do you think I would ever allow my children near you and your filthy kin?” 

Aemond appeared from out of the shadows, features set in one of cold fury. Both Jacaerys and Lucerys took a step back, shoulders stiffening. They had seen him training earlier today—it didn’t go past their notice that he had become incredibly skilled in combat over the years. In no way would either of them be a match for him. 

Wary not to allow a fight to break out, you reached out to place a calming hand on his arm. “Aemond—” you gritted out.

“Leave us,” he growled.

Teeth gnashing together, you shook your head and whispered, “Aemond, I don’t want there to be any bad blood between us.”

“Take our son and go,” he said, more gently this time. To you, Jace and Luke were just boys—sweet boys with kind hearts. To Aemond, however, they were the monsters who took out his eye. They were a threat to him and his family’s safety.

Exchanging a worried glance between him and Jacaerys, who nodded at you to take your leave, you blew out a frustrated breath, before hastening away with Kyrion in your arms. It seemed the two of you would have to take a trip to the library another day.

Lowering his voice, Aemond calmly told the two brothers, “Speak to my wife or my children again, and I’ll have the both of you fed to my dragon.”

Luke swallowed nervously, but Jace stood his ground. 

“Is that all, Uncle?” he challenged, eyebrows cocked. 

Aemond fixed a sharp glare on them, nose upturned. With an irritated grunt, he turned and strode off after you, leaving the two bastard boys stunned and mildly confused in his wake.

Once he had made sure his girls were safely tucked in their beds, Aemond paid his son a visit, sitting by his side.

“I apologize for interrupting your trip to the library, water dragon,” he murmured, patting down the boy’s messy white curls. 

Kyrion chewed on his bottom lip in thought. “Why don’t you like them, Kepa?”

Aemond’s single eye searched his son’s gaze, completely sincere in his curiosity. “A story for another time, when you’re older,” he replied. “Your mother said you’ve been drawing what you see in your dreams. Can you tell me about them?”

“Which ones?” he asked.

The one-eyed man felt sick at the thought of his little boy having to watch a thousand lives pass by in his visions, most having to inevitably end in death. It was a curse to be a dragon dreamer, he thought with a grimace. A burden.

“Whichever you want to tell me about, tresy.” Son.

Kyrion’s pale eyes seemed to mist over, and he fixed his gaze on a random candle across the room. “I see you wearing a crown. You sit on the Iron Throne.”

A beat of silence. “What?”

It seemed his son had mistaken Aemond’s befuddled expression for anger, as he shrank away from his father with a frown. “I’m sorry, Kepa. Don’t be angry with me.”

Aemond softened. “I’m not angry, Kyrion. I was just… shocked.”

Not all of Kyrion’s visions came true, did they? Aemond tried his best to wrack his mind for the dozens of times his mystic ramblings lead to nowhere. 

“I also see mother sailing away on a ship with Syraena and Myra. She looks sad,” he quietly spoke. “I don’t like that dream very much. Can I go to sleep now, Kepa?”

Blowing out a small breath, Aemond mustered a small smile, though it didn’t quite reach his worried eye. “Yes, of course. Sleep well, little dragon.”

Hastily, he stood back up on his feet, blowing out the candles around Kyrion’s chamber, before striding out the door. His head was spinning with a million thoughts at once, his son’s wispy voice echoing within his mind.

A crown on his head. His wife and his girls on a ship. Seven hells… what was to become of his family?

Myra was humming a sweet song of summer, chubby cheeks rosy with the warm breeze that blew through the Godswood. She was seated in front of you over a yellow blanket situated on the ground. In your hands, you were weaving the little girl’s golden hair into an intricate braid, small wildflowers slotted in between the crevices. 

A little ways away from the both of you, Syraena was running circles around the Weirwood tree, fighting off invisible enemies with a long, wooden stick she claimed to be her sword. 

“There you go, darling,” you said, patting Myra’s shoulders once you were done. “Syraena, come here! I want to fix your hair!”

Your eldest girl huffed and puffed as she stomped over, her short silver strands sticking up every which way. “What’s there to fix?” she grumbled, plopping down in front of you.

“Perhaps if you hadn’t foolishly sliced it all off with a shard of glass, it wouldn’t resemble an uneven rat’s nest sitting upon your head,” you reprimanded. 

Giggling, Myra clapped her hands. “Rat’s nest!” she parroted.

Syraena scowled. “It’s not fair. You let Kyrion have short hair. I want to be a boy, like him.”

“If you wanted short hair, you could’ve just asked. Lailena would have gladly cut it for you,” you said, brandishing a wooden comb to gently run it through Syraena’s thin silvery strands. “Do you want to know what your father said when I was first pregnant with you?”

Syraena shifted with a grimace as you yanked at a knot in her hair. “What?”

“He said he didn’t care whether you were a boy or a girl. That you were his blood, regardless. His tempestuous sea dragon,” you said with a small smile, mimicking a sour face at her nickname. “And Kyrion came next, our tranquil water dragon. Then lastly, Myra, our sweet river dragon.”

When you were done, you had Syraena turn around so you could inspect her hairline, brushing back any stray bits of hair that escaped your comb. “All finished. Beautiful, handsome… I’ll call you whatever you want me to call you, sweetling.”

She chewed at the inside of her cheek, nodding. “Can I go play knights with Jaehaerys now?” 

“Go on,” you lightly nudged her away, an exasperated smile tugging at your lips, knowing full and well her hair was going to be all mussed in no less than half an hour of playing. 

Before Syraena could get up and scramble away, however, a figure approached the three of you. She was clad in a black cloak, detailed with fine red thread in embroideries of flames and dragons. Golden jewelry decorated her pale skin, her long hair like sheets of pure snow.

The Princess Rhaenyra.

“Princess,” you breathily greeted, mind flashing back to last night, when you had bumped into her sons. 

You were about to get up to bow, but Rhaenyra quickly said, “No need, Lady Y/N. My apologies, I wasn’t aware the Godswood was occupied. If you’d like to be alone—”

“Oh, no, it’s quite alright, Princess. It’s a space to be shared, after all,” you said with a courteous smile.

Rhaenyra studied you carefully, her purple eyes taking in your form. It was a strange thing, she thought. You were married to her half-brother, and mothered her childhood friend’s grandchildren. A childhood friend that was her friend no longer.

With you, however, perhaps the story could be different. 

A genuine smile graced the Princess’ lips. “These are your girls?” she asked.

The taller and older of the two most certainly took after her father, with her sharp features and silver hair, though she bore your eyes and your smile. The younger was plump with a softer face, and had more blonde than white hair, her large eyes a deep shade of violet.

“Yes, this is Syraena, my oldest. And this is Myra,” you told her. “My son Kyrion is in the library at the moment, with his father.”

“His father,” Rhaenyra echoed quietly, voice distant. The memory of little Aemond in front of her, eye slashed out, and Luke cowering behind her with a bleeding, broken nose flashed into her mind. Clearing her throat, she reeled herself back into the present by saying, “Your children are very beautiful. Have you considered any potential suitors for them yet?”

Your eyes widened simultaneously as Syraena’s head whipped up to stare at you.

“No,” you replied, a tad too quickly. “I don’t think I’d want to subject them to that until they come of age. Or until they want to.”

The Princess tilted her head to the side with a mild laugh. “If your daughters were anything like me when I was a teenager, then you’d find the latter quite a challenge.”

“Yes, Queen Alicent has told me of your youth… how you rejected nearly all the contenders for your hand,” you replied. “I can’t say I could relate. Aemond was my first and only suitor.”

She hummed in thought. “I only asked because I just had my sons betrothed to their cousins.”

Right. Jacaerys and Lucerys were to wed Baela and Rhaena. 

So that was why she asked. She wanted to know if Alicent was scheming, just as she had been. Betrothals and weddings were equivalent to political currency in times of war.

“I don’t plan on wedding my children off any time soon,” you reassured her. From the corner of your eye, you could see Syraena’s shoulders loosen up. The prospect of marriage was not one she was particularly interested in.

“I see,” Rhaenyra said, though her face was much more relaxed now than before. “I shall go wash myself before supper tonight. I look forward to seeing you there.”

With that, she turned to take her leave. Myra looked up at you with a toothy grin. “Can I come with you to supper?”

“It’ll be past your bedtime,” you said, rising to your feet and picking her up to place on your hip. “But I promise we can spend the entire day together before that. Come on, Syraena, I’ll drop you off at Jaehaerys’ room.”

That evening’s royal supper was a disaster.

It started off well enough, with several toasts from the adults, and an additional one from Jacaerys dedicated to his uncles and his cousins’ good fortune. The King gave one long, hunkering speech on unity and the togetherness of the dragon’s house, wheezing through his words all the way. 

Only then did the feast begin, consisting of a large assortment of roasted meats and soups and plates of steaming bread. There were also cold platters of appetizers passed around, full of cheeses, figs, and grapes. Viserys had barely eaten a bite before he had to be escorted back to his chambers, past his point of exhaustion.

Aegon had spent most of the dinner tormenting Jace and Baela on their future marriage. When he grew bored of his nephew’s stoic demeanor, he turned to you, his good-sister. It was evident the Prince was quite drunk as he blathered on and on about the most trivial topics as you gingerly drank your hearty soup, though you didn’t have much of a stomach for it anymore. 

The last of the toasts came from Helaena as she congratulated Baela and Rhaena on their betrothals, subtly dunking on her husband before she drank with a dreamy grin. 

Not too long after, music started playing, a symphony of strings and bells, and Jace had offered his hand to Helaena, much to Aegon’s dismay. 

In an effort to retaliate, Aegon leaned close to your ear, placing a hand on your thigh beneath the table. You had jerked away from his touch, glancing at Aemond, who sat on your other side. 

“Care for a dance with me, good-sister?” He smelled of wine and a general foul dampness.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “That’s quite alright, my Prince. I don’t think you’re in a state to dance with me.”

“Nonsense, Lady Y/N, I am as sound as the day I was born!” he drunkenly hiccuped, words slurring together. His hand found its way back to your thigh, fingers gripping tighter this time. You tried to yank your leg away, nearly standing up with the effort.

Sensing your discomfort, Aemond growled out, “Leave my wife alone, brother.”

The song drew to a close, and Helaena returned to her seat, beaming brightly. 

“Or what?” Aegon cackled, clearly enjoying seeing his brother get riled up. Thankfully, his hand slipped away from your leg to grip another chalice of wine. “What will you possibly—”

Before he could finish, Jacaerys stood between you and Aegon, offering his hand.

“If I could have this dance, Lady Targaryen?” he asked, emphasizing the family name in memory of your correction last night. His expression bore one of concern, obviously coming here to offer you an escape from Aegon.

Sparing a glance to your husband, who had taken to silently bristling, you nodded once.

“Of course, my Prince,” you said, taking his hand. Much to your satisfaction, Aegon had looked like he was struck across the face. 

Off the two of you danced—spinning and twirling and laughing the entire time. Aemond was never too fond of dancing during the celebrations, always cautious of the stares, much preferring to dance with you in the privacy of your own chambers. Watching you openly have such fun with Jacaerys, however, made jealousy coil tight within his abdomen. You were smiling so widely—a smile that he had the joy of seeing every morning. To see it elicited because of his bastard nephew kindled an envious, green flame inside him.

Then came the pig. 

And Lucerys’ none-too-discreet giggling.

Something in Aemond snapped.

The music halted as he slammed his fists onto the table, and his wife hastily stopped dancing with Jacaerys to see what the commotion was. 

Of course, Aemond simply couldn’t help himself. In front of the entire family, he called his nephews Strong boys.

Pandemonium broke out. Jacaerys had let go of you to storm forward and land a punch on your husband, which seemed not to affect him in the least, shoving the brown-haired boy to the ground. 

Aegon, eager to join the chaos, had grabbed Lucerys by the scruff of his shirt, shoving him into a searing platter of fish. “A gift for the new Lord of Driftmark!” he announced with a wild, manic grin.

In the end, Daemon had been the one to put a stop to the scuffle, staring down Aemond with raised brows. With a frustrated hum beneath his breath, your husband stormed out of the mess hall, making his way upstairs to your shared chambers.

You scrambled out after him, lifting your skirts to give you space to run. It was improper to leave without bidding the rest of the family goodbye, but then again… nothing about the dinner had been proper at all.

Once you had rushed into the room, Aemond roughly slammed the door shut, pushing you up against it. His fingers were already undoing the laces on your back, his lips sealing shut over yours.

“Aemond,” you murmured against him, lightly pushing at his chest. “Stop, for just a minute.”

Your husband pulled back at your request, single violet eye ablaze.

“What… Gods, why would you do such a thing? Why would you go out of your way to torment them?”

“You know very well why,” he quietly gruffed, reaching behind to pull off his eyepatch, tossing it onto a small table by the door, the sapphire in place of his lost eye gleaming dully beneath the moonlight. Your lips parted to ask him something else, but he cut you off by gripping your chin, whispering in a possessive fashion, “Hush, ñuha dōna embar. Seven hells, you’re more beautiful than ever. And you’re all mine.” My sweet sea.

“Don’t hush me!” you hissed, brows knitting together. “Aemond, Jacaerys will one day be the crown prince when Rhaenyra ascends the throne. It is not wise to provoke them in such a manner.”

Blowing out a heavy sigh, Aemond stroked your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. “They’re bastards, my love. The throne is not theirs to take. And my sister… the realm will not accept her as their ruler. You know this, jorrāelagon.”

“They swore an oath! Our families swore oaths to her. I don’t know about you, but I’m not too keen on becoming an oathbreaker,” you reminded, softening beneath his touch. “Aemond, I don’t want to fight with you. I just don’t want you to do that again. If not for me, then for our children. Don’t go picking fights where it’s not needed.”

Aemond shut his weary eye. If Myra had seen him tonight, she would surely be afraid of him.

“I’m sorry, my love. I’m sorry. I got caught up in my anger.”

You leaned forward to kiss him, soft and gentle, and Aemond wasted no time in reciprocating, pressing you back against the door. Off came your dress and down came your styled hair with Aemond’s skilled fingers. In no time, Aemond had your legs wound around his waist, his coat unbuttoned and shirked off somewhere behind him. Your drenched core was pressed right against his throbbing length, rock hard and leaking with pearly beads of precum.

“I love you, more than anything, more than life itself,” he murmured against your throat, gently nipping at the skin there. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours, Aemond,” you moaned wantonly when one of his hands snaked down to thumb at your clit. “Please, I’m yours, please fuck me.”

With a satisfied hum, Aemond planted a deep kiss onto your parted lips, a groan rumbling from his chest when you bit into his bottom lip, eyes hooded. He lined his cock up, before sinking into you with one smooth motion, his forehead falling into the crook of your neck.

You held onto him for dear life when he began to rock into you, scratching faint crimson lines down his toned back. The pain seemed to only spur him on, and he shifted his angle to pound into you deeper, your eyes rolling into the back of your head at the pleasure.

“Fuck!” he bit out. “So good, ābrazȳrys. Feels so good around me.” 

He moaned when you clenched around him, his breath hitching when you slid your hands up into his hair and yanked with no abandon. In no time, he could feel you coming undone around him with a litany of colorful curses, shaking almost violently in his hold. In turn, Aemond came inside you with a shout of your name, rocking into you once, twice, thrice more.

Slow, he pulled out of you, watching the cum drip out of your spent cunt with great satisfaction. He kissed you sweetly, nose nudging against your cheek.

“I’ll get you cleaned up,” he softly said, carrying you across the room to set you down on the bed. “Go to sleep, love.”

“Mm, I love you,” you murmured. A ghost of a warm smile etched into the corner of his lips. He repeated the sentiment to you, but you had already drifted off to sleep before you could hear it.

King Viserys was dead. Rhaenyra and her children were gone, having flown back to Dragonstone earlier in the day.

And already, Aegon was to be crowned King.

You were none too happy about the turn of events, but you were to turn the cheek and play the part of the faithful wife, for the sake of your family and their safety. The lords who had refused to bend the knee to Aegon were either thrown in the dungeons or hanged, labeled as treasonous traitors to the realm. It was just like Kyrion had drawn, as he claimed to have seen in his dreams.

“A beast beneath the boards,” Helaena had constantly murmured, which frightened you to no end. 

It was only worsened when Kyrion would reply with, “Bursting red, red in the sky, the sun in her mouth.”

Syraena was rupturing at the seams with a constant stream of questions—questions you had no such answers to. And your youngest daughter was crying the entire day, sensing the tense, fragile atmosphere. Your husband had gone to find Aegon in the slums of King’s Landing, who had unsurprisingly disappeared in thin air. 

Not before long, he was dragged back into the Keep, and the coronation commenced above the Dragon Pit. The beast beneath the boards broke out only minutes after the crown was placed on his head. Hundreds of commoners and smallfolk were killed in the commotion. Princess Rhaenys rode her scarlet dragon, the Queen That Never Was mounted on the Red Queen of Dragons.

Aemond had shoved you back, protectively standing in front of you, though there was very little he could do. The both of you were immensely grateful the children were left in the castle with Lailena, safe from the chaos and the havoc. If you were to die today, you’d be dying in Aemond’s arms, knowing your children were safe for the time being—what better way was there to die?

But neither of you died that day, for Meleys had only screeched out a shrill warning, before clambering out of the Pit, and absconding to the clouds. Red in the sky.

Aemond had ushered you to the Keep, before hugging you tight in the secluded privacy of your chambers, genuinely terrified that he could’ve lost you. 

The next day, he was already leaving again. He was to go to Storm’s End to broker a deal with Borros Baratheon: a marriage proposal between his brother Daeron and one of the Lord’s daughters. It seemed that betrothals truly were the realm’s political currency now.

“I want to come with you, Kepa,” Syraena said, staring up at her father with narrowed e/c eyes. “Let me come with you!”

Expression softening, Aemond ruffled her already-mussed hair. “It’ll be a quick trip. You can come to the next one, Syraena.”

The next goodbye was for his son, who hugged his father loosely. “An eye for a pearl,” he mumbled, too quiet for Aemond to hear. 

Clutched to his leg, sobbing hysterically, was Myra, her cheeks damp and her dark, plum-hued eyes red-rimmed. “Oh, river, don’t cry for me. I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”

Finally, he turned to you, his hand on the back of your head as he kissed you, chaste yet passionate, and rested his forehead on yours. “Stay safe in here, my dear sea.”

“Storm’s End is wet and cold and… obviously stormy. Keep yourself warm. Don’t get struck by lightning, is all I ask, husband.”

“As you wish, love,” he whispered, before ducking his head to kiss your cheek. With a laugh, he pried his sweet girl away from his leg, lifting her up to chastely peck her forehead, and then handed her bawling form over to you. She was always this way when Aemond had to leave for longer than a day.

The four of you watched Aemond head out of the Keep. Unease roiled within your stomach with his absence. 

“Three days for the pearl to wash ashore,” said Kyrion. There was a pallid tone to his skin, and he glanced at you with his large, pale eyes. “Mother, I’m scared.”

“Come,” you quickly said, ushering the children to their chambers. “Let’s go play with Auntie Helaena and Jaehaerys and Jaehaera, yes?”

It was late the next night when Aemond returned. The moon glowed in a sliver of its regular size, the crescent unnaturally bright in the dark sky, void of any stars. You were standing out on the balcony, sleeping shift rustling with the warm wind when the doors behind you creaked open.

Rainwater dripped from his cloak as he stepped in. 

Drip, drip, drip.

His single eye was wide and haunted, expression so far that it seemed like Aemond wasn’t even in the same room as you. 

“Aemond?” you called out, stepping back into the chambers and crossing the room in quick strides to greet him. “Gods, you're sopping wet. Are you alright?”

It was as if he didn’t hear you, staring at the ground with parted lips. There was an unfamiliar, raw sort of terror blanketed over his features, you could see it clear as ever. Your brows indented together, and you reached out to softly graze your fingers along his damp face. 

At the gentle touch, Aemond snapped his gaze to you. His hands were shaking.

Finding yourself at a loss for words, you roped him into an embrace, clutching his drenched form tightly against yours, uncaring that you were getting soaked in the process. This seemed to break him out of his reverie, as he began to tremble violently, and his chest thundered with silent sobs. His nose went directly to your neck and you hushed him with your free hand stroking the back of his head.

“Aemond, my love, what happened?” you asked again.

This time, he tried his best to answer you. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean it.”

“Didn’t mean what, darling?”

“Vhagar didn’t listen to me. I tried to stop her,” he croaked, pulling his ashen face away from the junction of your neck, searching your comforting face frantically. “I… I killed him. I killed Lucerys.”

Your lips parted in shock. There was little you could find to say—for what could you tell your husband, now a kinslayer? No amount of comforting words could fix a situation such as this.

When Rhaenyra would inevitably find out about her son, war would rain down upon you and your family.

With a thick throat, you tightly hugged Aemond again, tears gracing the corners of your own eyes.

The days passed in a blur. Aemond was quieter than ever before, regret painted over his sharp features each and every time you glanced at him. Once he told his mother, she had nearly gone down the same manic spiral, but steeled herself to deal with the Green council. 

When Aegon heard of his nephew’s death, he threw a large, grand feast, inviting all the Lords and Ladies at court.

Neither you nor Aemond attended.

The fourth night after Aemond had returned from Storm’s End, you were in Kyrion’s chambers, brushing away his ivory curls with tender hands as he settled beneath his fleece blanket to go to sleep. Aemond was putting the girls to bed by reading them a story, as the both of them were more restless than usual as of late. 

“Kyr, baby, I have a question for you,” you said, voice soft and hesitant. Should you really be asking your son this? When Kyrion tilted his head in a silent motion for you to continue, you cleared your throat. “In your dreams… Did you see what happened to your cousin, Lucerys?”

Your son nodded once, biting at the inside of his cheek, a habit that he seemed to share with you.

Before you could ask him what he saw, there was a sudden, dull thud heard outside, followed by the familiar screech of steel. Fear wound its cold, dark hands around your pulsating heart.

The door flung open so quickly that the hinges whined in protest. Your eyes fell upon the two guards in front of Kyrion’s chambers, sprawled over the cobblestone floor, dark ichor leaking out of slit throats. Two looming figures stood in the doorway. One large and burly, the other short and thin as a twig. 

You had no time to react, for a second later, the small one had darted forward, seizing you with surprising strength, brandishing coarse rope from thin air and binding your limbs together with tight knots, doing so with just one hand as his other was tightly sealing your mouth so you wouldn’t be able to scream for your husband, for more guards, for anyone. The other large man slammed the doors shut and barred them with one of his many swords he was carrying. The one holding you roughly gagged you with a cloth as soon as he pried his hand off, tying the ends around the back of your head. You gagged when your tongue registered the taste of coppery, day-old blood and sweat. 

Despite the hindrance, you screamed your throat raw through the cloth anyway, kicking furiously and struggling in desperation against the small man, who was adamant on keeping you rooted to one spot. Your yells came out muffled and guttural, but not nearly loud enough to alert anybody outside, seeing as the closest people to the chambers were now dead.

Your son whimpered out for you, but he remained quiet after that, his pale mauve eyes wide as he fixed his gaze upon the large, brutish man who slowly approached him.

“Don’t be scared, little fish,” the mousy man sneered gripping your cheeks so you’d be forced to watch your little boy cower further beneath his covers. “We’re simply debt collectors, you see. An eye for an eye, a son for a son. We just want ‘im. Won’t hurt one hair on your pretty lil’ head, ey?”

“NO!” you sobbed, struggling thrice-fold against him, to no avail. “Take me! Please, not my son!” you screamed, though it sounded like nothing but incoherent wailing through the dirty cloth.

You could do nothing but watch in horror as the large man tightened his grip on his longsword. The other hand reached out for your son, dragging him out of bed by the scruff of his sleep shirt so he dangled nearly a meter away from the ground.

“Don’t look, mother. I don’t want you to see it,” he whispered, just loud enough for you to hear through the thundering of your pulse in your ears, making your knees buckle. “I saw it in my dreams.” 

With one strike, the man lopped Kyrion’s head clean off.

Your heart seemed to stop for a moment. You screamed through the cloth, sobbing as you painfully crumpled to the ground, the gangly man finally releasing you. The blood… your son’s blood… his bed was covered with it. The walls behind him, the floor, the books on his desk…

Red, everywhere…

The two monsters had taken Kyrion’s head, the large man’s crimson-flecked fist gripping your son’s pearly-white curls, both fleeing the chambers in a blink of an eye. 

You sobbed against the ground, inching your way to your son with your bonds digging into you. You didn’t care. It was nothing compared to the pain within your chest.

“Kyrion,” you wailed through the cloth, using your shoulder to roughly shove it down your lips, letting it fall around your neck, tearing the corner of your mouth in the process. 

The entire Red Keep seemed to awaken with your grief-stricken scream. You kneeled your head against your little boy’s decapitated body, sobs wracking through your entire form.

That was what Aemond had rushed into, hearing the echoes of your cries from far away. He’d locked the girls’ rooms before coming, fearing the worst.

Upon seeing you on the ground, hovering over his murdered son, Aemond collapsed to his knees beside you, gathering his broken, shaking wife in his arms as he tugged you away. With trembling fingers, he undid the ropes around you, allowing you to throw your arms around him freely.

“Look away, jorrāelagon,” he said, voice uneven as he began to cry with you. “Look away.”

His words made you sob even harder… your son had told you to do just the same.

When Criston Cole came rushing in with Alicent Hightower, Aemond had immediately got to his feet, murderous revenge painted across his features. He helped you up, still crying hysterically.

“Mother, escort Y/N to our daughters’ chambers. Get a dozen guards to man the door. I’ll find our son’s murderer, and I’ll kill him myself.” He began striding away, Criston hot on his heels. 

You called out for him, voice hoarse with overuse.

Pausing in his steps, Aemond turned his head ever so slightly, but didn’t meet your gaze. He blamed himself, of course he did. He was ashamed, because it was his fault his son was dead. It was his fault he couldn’t protect him—that he couldn’t protect you.

It seemed that Aemond was far too blinded by his rage to learn from his mistakes.

“I need you here, please! Please, Aemond, please don’t go,” you sobbed, leaning your weight against Alicent, who had taken to cradling you against her chest.

A muscle in your husband’s jaw jumped. A tear slipped down from his only eye, and he continued to walk away, determined to bring justice to his son. It felt as if a searing hot knife had pierced through his chest and twisted when he heard your despaired cries ricocheting off the stone halls of the Keep.

Revenge, was all he could think of, cold anger dancing along the dark shadows of his face. If it is a war they want, it is a war they shall have.

a/n ; hey !! thank you for reading this fic until the end <3 means so much to me! i made some picrews of what i visualize the kids to look like so here you go !! they're all aged up, ofc.

[padfootagain]

Love in verses (XXVI)

Chapter 26: ‘Well, how else are you to live except by denial’

Hi! Here is a new chapter! This is one of my favourites, just… some adorable stuff!

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 4227

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Earl

In Sitka, because they are fond of them, People have named the seals. Every seal is named Earl because they are killed one after another by the orca, the killer whale; seal bodies tossed left and right into the air. “At least he didn’t get Earl,” someone says. And sure enough, after a time, that same friendly, bewhiskered face bobs to the surface. It’s Earl again. Well, how else are you to live except by denial, by some palatable fiction, some little song to sing while the inevitable, the black and white blindsiding fact, comes hurtling toward you out of the deep?

Louis Jenkins

The pain in your abdomen was a sensation you were used to, sadly. You recognized the pattern in the intensity, you knew it perfectly after years of suffering once a month. This month seemed to be particularly nasty though, and there was little doubt on to why. Your stress was so high these days, between your new job, your research, your career, and Frank’s bloody wedding… You were drowning, to be fair. Drowning in an ocean of emotions. You bent in front of your sink, waiting for the wave of pain to fade again, closing tightly your eyes, while the microwave beeped with the heating pad now reaching a burning temperature. You placed it on your stomach, not caring about your skin, only about the pain under it.

Damn… that was a bad month…

You stood straighter again, letting out a long and careful exhale, relaxing once more. Your head was spinning a little, but you didn’t dare to eat too much for now, your nausea was too bad and you didn’t want to end up throwing up. You settled for a bit of rice and an apple for lunch.

You were supposed to see Andrew this afternoon, but there was no way you could plan on fucking up Frank’s appointment at the tailor when it was hard to stand… At least, it was the weekend, you didn’t have to deal with work, and could spend your day being a burrito on your couch while watching TV and eating junk food.

You were supposed to shop for groceries in the morning, but you didn’t have the strength for that either, so you decided that you would get some food delivered for the rest of the weekend and would tackle the issue of not dying of starvation on Monday.

You sat down on your couch, at long last, heaving a sigh of relief. You held the heating pad against your stomach, covered yourself with a blanket and grabbed your phone while you turned on the TV.

You pressed on Andrew’s name on whatsapp while the tu-dum noise of Netflix echoed in your living room.

You heaved a sigh…

… you had forgotten tea… never mind, you were too much in pain and too tired to be bothered making some tea now that you were seated.

Back to your phone, you typed your message quickly.

Hi Andy! Sorry, but I’m not feeling well today, gonna have to cancel for this afternoon. We’ll talk about our plans next week. Hope you have a nice weekend, see you on Monday! Xx

You pressed ‘send’ and started browsing in the list of movies available on your TV screen.

Your phone lit up with Andrew’s name.

Sorry to hear that! Are you alright? Do you want me to drop you something?

You were too tired not to acknowledge the warmth that spread in your chest as you read his text.

Nothing to worry about, don’t worry.

His answer was quick to arrive.

Are you sure? You want me to drive you to a doctor or something?

You chuckled at his obvious worry. He really was too sweet…

No, I’m okay. Period being bitches, that’s all. I can handle it.

He answered with a thumbs up right under your text, right when you found Pride and Prejudice was on Netflix��

Well, it looked like your afternoon was all set.

You cursed under your breath. You didn’t have any snacks. Not even chocolate… and your kitchen was so fucking far… a whole ten steps away…

Damn you and your stupid brain.

You were surprised when you received another text from Andy.

So, what’s planned for today? Did you get your groceries this morning?

You snorted at the mere thought.

Nah. Too much in pain. Too tired to go to the kitchen and make myself tea, so imagine going outside with people?! No, thanks.

I’m gonna spend my afternoon with Mr. Darcy instead.

You waited for his answer, ignoring your TV now.

The Keira Kinghtley movie?

You sent him a thumbs up.

Will you hate me if I admit that I’ve never watched that film?

You almost dropped your phone.

YOU’VE NEVER SEEN PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?!

OH THAT’S IT! DISHONOUR! DISHONOUR ON YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!

He sent a laughing emoji.

You’ve forgotten the dishonour on me and my cow too…

You couldn’t refrain a laugh, even though it hurt your stomach.

You don’t have a cow. But I’ll take it out on Elwood.

You could picture the grin on his face at the joke.

HOW DARE YOU! HE’S SUCH A GOOD BOY!

Elwood, my son, don’t listen to the nasty lady…

You laughed again, but quickly stopped this time, the pain getting too strong.

You didn’t think as you wrote your next text.

You could drop by and watch it with me.

You reread the text and realised your mistake; your eyes grew round. You were in your old pyjamas, you hadn’t showered and had no intention to do so, your hair was a mess, you hadn’t washed your dishes…

You wanted to delete the text, but the blue symbols under it let you know that he had already read it.

Damn it!

I mean… I’m in pain, grumpy and look like trash…

So… maybe not the most pleasant way to spend your afternoon.

Feel free to refuse.

You waited for his answer, watched the dancing dots, until a text was received.

I’d love to, actually.

Besides, I am not five, I know about menstrual cycles, thank you very much…

You bit on your lips as you hesitated.

You’ve never seen me like that.

 A pause. You guessed that he had rephrased his text several times.

Would that make you feel uncomfortable?

You thought about it for a second. Frank didn’t really pay attention to that part of you. It was cliché, but you knew he was making a conscious effort to acknowledge your period and how much of a burden they were to you. You saw it as him making an effort at the time. Now, you were worried Andrew would be the same, with typical disappointing male behaviour…

And yet, you didn’t care. You couldn’t find a way to care. You couldn’t imagine Andrew, out of all people, disappointing you on that. Perhaps it was naïve, you weren’t sure. Your answer was earnest anyway.

No

His answer came in a matter of seconds.

Give me forty minutes to come over then.

You smiled.

An hour then.

You laughed again at his answer.

Gobshite…

You didn’t select the movie for now and merely watched some crappy TV instead, with whatever was on.

You tried not to pay too much thought on how excited you were at the idea of Andy coming soon…

Andrew ended up ringing at your door an hour and fifteen minutes later, proving you right about his time blindness, and the thought made you smile. You had washed your dishes waiting for him, using a fifteen-minutes break from the pain to stretch your legs and attempt to look like a human being. The pain was soon back with full strength though, and you gave up on the idea to change into a proper outfit. You remained in your comfortable pyjamas, tied your hair up to hide the mess it was, and went back to suffering on the couch, the heating pad growing colder and less effective, but you were too tired to get up again.

You groaned as Andrew rang at your door, forcing yourself to stand. You couldn’t hold yourself completely straight, not with the pain in your stomach being now combined with a sharp stinging sensation in your lower back. You opened the door still, and welcomed Andrew with a genuine smile.

He was wearing his hair in a bun today, his glasses perched on his nose, and a warm smile on his lips as his gaze rested upon you. He looked gorgeous in a simple brown jacket, dark jeans and a black turtleneck. You couldn’t refrain the way your heart fluttered at the sight, nor the butterflies that were added to your painful stomach.

“Hey! God, you do look like shite,” he exclaimed, but there was worry in his frown despite the obvious teasing in his voice.

“Thanks for the compliment,” you stuck your tongue out, and he couldn’t refrain a chuckle.

He walked inside, took off his shoes and jacket, and it’s only when he set the bags on the floor to do so that you noticed them.

“What’s that?” you asked.

“Groceries.”

You looked up at him with a puzzled look.

“Jeez… if you were busy this afternoon, you should have declined!”

He laughed, and you were more puzzled than ever.

“These are for you,” he clarified, picking up the bags again.

You blinked up at him.

“For… me?”

“Yeah… you said you didn’t get any groceries this morning. Can’t let you starve! Come on, get a move on, these need to go in the fridge.”

You let him pass, followed him in your kitchen. He started to empty the two paper bags on your kitchen counter.

“I didn’t get you much, just enough to last for a couple of days. Pass the weekend. Nothing that needs fancy cooking either, don’t worry. Mostly pasta, rice, and a few vegetables and fruits. I also got some take out for tonight, so you don’t have to bother with cooking today. Chinese, hope you’re in the mood for that. And then, the obvious ice cream, crisps and chocolate combo. Oh, and I bought you this tea! My mom recommended it once for menstrual cramps to one of my cousins, and it’s apparently pretty nice, so… thought you could use that too.”

He looked up at you then, after his little babbling. He frowned at your expression though, and you noticed the shift in his demeanour: the way he shrank, bending over himself instead of standing straight, with his full height. Trying to look smaller than he was, to occupy as little space as possible. He rubbed nervously at his collarbone.

“I… I thought it would make things easier for you. I… I’m sorry if I’m overstepping… if you… sorry. Sorry…”

But he was interrupted by your arms around him; you almost tackled him with the strength, and you heard the loud huff he let out at the impact. It took him a couple of seconds to close his arms around you too, but then it felt like he was unwilling to ever let go.

“Thank you so much,” you mumbled into his chest. “That’s… so fucking sweet, Andy.”

“That’s nothing,” he tried to brush your thankfulness away, but you could hear in his voice that he was smiling again, feel that his body was relaxing once more. “I didn’t mean to overstep… I just… I just thought it would make it easier for you.”

You spotted your favourite chocolate on the table, along with some ice-cream.

“These are my favourite,” you whispered.

“I know.”

“You didn’t have to do that…”

“It’s nothing.”

You didn’t say it. You didn’t say that Frank had never done that for you. And Andrew did? When he wasn’t your boyfriend? When he didn’t even have feelings for you?

“Do you need anything else?” he asked, rubbing your back, and the caress was so soothing you were ready to cry. “Painkillers or something? I can go to the pharmacy…”

“I’ve got that covered, don’t worry. Thank you.”

“Right…”

Another cramp came breaking your embrace, you let out a groan as you held your painful stomach. You tried not to think of how your heart stumbled and missed a few beats when Andrew brushed a messy strand of your hair behind your ear.

“You really don’t look well. You should sit down.”

“I need to reheat my heating pad…”

“I’ll do it. I’ll do that, love. Sit down, okay?”

‘Love’… he had called you ‘love’… You wanted to cry…

Why were you so affected by it? It was Andy. It was Andy, not Frank, and you wanted Frank, you wanted Frank, you wanted…

He walked into the living room about 10 minutes later, carrying your heating pad under his arm, ice cream and some chocolate. He had to go back to the kitchen to fetch your two cups of tea.

“Alright… need anything else?”

You shook your head, and he settled on the sofa next to you. Readjusted the blanket so it would cover your feet. You didn’t recognise the flavour of the tea, you reckoned he had made a cup of the one his mother had recommended.

You refused to name the feeling that was spreading across your entire body, the unbearable fondness aimed at Andrew that came with it.

I want Frank, I want Frank, I want Frank…

“Alright, let’s watch Mr. Darcy getting rejected…” he grinned at you, as if he was at his happiest, as if he couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend his afternoon than to watch Pride and Prejudice with you while nursing you back to health because you were on your period…

You scoffed, trying to hide the tears in your eyes by looking for the movie on Netflix again.

“He doesn’t just get rejected. They do get together at the end, you know?”

“Thanks for spoiling it all to me…”

“Wait… you told me you read the book…”

He laughed.

“I did! I was joking, like… It was a joke. I did read it. I simply haven’t watched any adaptation.”

“Wow… Oh… so you haven’t seen the one with Colin Firth either?! The BBC series?”

“Nope…” he answered, popping the ‘p’ before taking a sip of his tea.

Two teabags. As always. The detail made you smile.

“Okay, that is going to be our next activity together.”

He laughed, but didn’t contradict you, on the contrary.

“Well, I guess my next Sunday is all booked…”

“Indeed, it is!” you grinned, but your tone was too soft not to show how emotional the thought of spending another afternoon like this with Andrew made you feel.

He didn’t comment on that, though, and you were grateful for it.

He reached for your coffee table, where he had put the two sets of ice-cream and spoons, and handed you one.

Your heating pad was back on your stomach, warm and effectively soothing your cramps. You seized the opportunity to eat a large spoonful of chocolate ice cream.

You moaned at the taste.

“Andy… this is perfect, I hope you’re aware of how amazing you are.”

He chuckled, but there was something a little sad in his eyes when he looked down at his food, a tinge of melancholy. You didn’t know why.

“Bribing you with chocolate is the way to your heart, then,” he joked, clearly stirring the conversation away from himself, while pushing his glasses higher on his nose.

“Of course,” you rolled your eyes, starting the film.

You exchanged another smile, while the movie started. You didn’t realise your own movements as you scooted closer to him on the couch, and neither did he notice how he leaned towards you, until your arms were softly touching.

“You have bewitched me, body and soul. And I love… I love… I love you…”

You heaved a sigh after whispering the words in sync with Mr. Darcy, clutching at your heart, burying your face further in Andrew’s shoulder.

You weren’t sure when you had ended up in Andrew’s arms, but you were now. He had wrapped an arm around your shoulders at one point, noticing how livid you had become because of the pain, how you had tried to withhold your wince but failed. And it was meant as a temporary anchor, a soothing gesture that should have lasted just a few minutes, until the pain subsided again. But when you relaxed once more, he didn’t pull away, and instead of freeing yourself from his hold, you leaned closer, sank deeper into his embrace. And now, he was resting his long fingers on your waist, while you leaned into his chest.

Which was… better not think about boundaries and friendship and professional behaviour and all those limits you were breaking.

Meanwhile, Andrew was brushing a tear away, but you spotted it before he could pretend it hadn’t happened.

“I know… I know…” you patted his chest, trying not to notice that you were touching his chest. “I cry every time too.”

“For proof,” he chuckled, brushing your tear away with his thumb, making your heart stutter and expand to the point that you wondered how it hadn’t broken any of your ribs yet.

“It’s Jane Austen’s superpower, Andy… we can do nothing against it,” you concluded before nuzzling into his chest again.

“I’ll have to agree,” he nodded.

You noticed how his breathing was a little irregular for a moment, when you shifted to be a little more comfortable in his arms, but he didn’t push you away, didn’t move at all, in fact. Instead, he waited for you to settle again, readjusted the blanket on both of you, and stared at the end of the movie. His cheeks were turning a bright shade of red. You hated the thought that crossed your mind…

There were but a couple of minutes left, it was the end: Mr. Darcy had walked across the moor already, he had declared his love and Elizabeth had accepted his hand in marriage. They were waiting for Elizabeth’s father. You were staring at Andrew, the feeling of your gaze on him made him look down as well, catching your eyes with his. His hazel eyes, they looked so green now, in the rather bright light of the late afternoon, and the tears he had dried just before had enhanced that colour too. Green… like leaves bathed in sunlight during the summer… you loved that shade…

You didn’t even notice when the screen went dark, when the credits started rolling. You were thinking of Andrew, of how sweet he had been all afternoon, of how handsome he looked now, how much turtlenecks suited him, how cute he looked with his glasses…

He blinked a couple of times, as if he were coming back from a reverie, and looked at the TV again. You looked at his profile, found yourself longing to run your fingers through his short beard, noticed the red tainting the brown of his hair.

“Well, that was an amazing film,” he easily admitted, bringing you back to earth.

And indeed, the story was over. Mr. Bennett had accepted their union. Elizabeth would marry Mr. Darcy. All ended well. Black screen and a list of names, printed in white pixels…

You pushed yourself out of Andrew’s arms.

Back to reality now… and in the real world, you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank. You wanted Frank…

You looked away in a hurry, and trembled at the loss of contact, when Andrew finally moved his hand away from your waist.

You kept on talking about the film for a while, but eventually, Andrew checked the time.

“I should get going, let you get something to eat. And I mean… something proper. Not snacks,” he teased, standing up and taking the remnants of your various snacks with him to the kitchen.

And you had to tell yourself that mantra again. Because your heart was aching at the thought of Andrew leaving. Which was ridiculous because you would see him in two days. Which was ridiculous because he was only a friend. A colleague, even. And it was ridiculous because you didn’t want him, you wanted Frank. You loved Frank. You wanted the life you had with him back. You… you wanted Frank. You wanted Frank… You… You wanted…

“Andy?”

He reappeared, coming from the kitchen, and tilted his head a little as a silent invitation for you to speak again.

“Do… do you want to stay for dinner?”

He stared at you for a few seconds, long enough for you to start spiralling and babbling…

“Unless you need to take care of Elwood…”

“No, my parents took him to the seaside today, they’re keeping him for the night. He’s living his best life, trust me. I bet my dad is giving him all the treats he wants.”

“Or like… I mean… you’ve already spent your afternoon with me, even if I’m sick and not the best company today, and… yeah, I totally get it if you don’t want to stay, like… that’s…”

“Y/N.”

“Hmmm?”

“I’d love to stay.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

Because I’m too much to take care of…

You merely shrugged in response, making him chuckle, clearly unaware of your thoughts.

“Well, if you’re not bored of me yet, I’d love to stay for dinner.”

You grinned.

“Grand…” you nodded, and Andrew disappeared in the kitchen again to prepare dinner.

Still, you noticed how he was smiling when he turned around, how he was blushing, too…

You ended up watching tv again after dinner. The pain wasn’t as vivid as it had been during the rest of the day, and so you were more comfortable during that part of the evening. So much so that you started dozing off, as you were watching for the nth time how Luke and Han were trying to save Leia.

You had stumbled upon a rerun of the old Star Wars movies, and settled on the nostalgic feeling of these stories to end the day. Andrew was supposed to go home after the end of the movie, once the Death Star was gone and Leia was placing medals on the heroes’ chest.

Andrew had made you laugh with his best impression of Chewbacca, and you had made him choke on his glass of water with one of your jokes and snarky remarks. It was lovely, but you were so tired you neared exhaustion by now. So, it was quite logical that you started dozing off after a while, losing tracks of the story when Han and Luke were dressed as stormtroopers.

You hadn’t noticed that your head had fallen on Andrew’s shoulder as you were falling asleep. You didn’t notice how he stopped paying attention to the movie when you did. How his heart started pounding at how adorable you looked like this. He waited for a few minutes, to see if you would stir and wake up again, but you didn’t. He stared at you for a moment longer, but you weren’t aware of it. You weren’t aware either of the longing in his gaze, of the smile on his lips as he watched how peaceful you looked in your sleep.

You blinked your eyes open again only when you felt something slipping under your knees and behind your back, felt the warmth upon which your head rested move.

“Andy?” you called in your drowsy state, still unable to understand what was happening, where you were…

“I’m here, love.”

That pet name again… were you dreaming it?

You reached up, held onto a soft fabric, and somehow, despite the fact that you had closed your eyes once more, you knew it was Andrew’s turtleneck.

“You’re falling asleep, you need to go to bed,” he said softly, his voice unbearably low and deep, it made your heart skip a few beats and warmth spread across your entire frame.

And it sounded so reassuring… so safe… He was so reassuring…

You nuzzled into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. His cologne, his softener, him…

“Can I help you reach your bed? Can I do that? Is that okay?” he asked in the same caring voice, and you nodded. But then again, you would have accepted anything, for as long as you could remain in his warmth, as long as his voice came back…

You realised then that he was slipping his arms under you, it took a moment longer for your brain to register he meant to carry you.

“I can walk,” you whispered, opening your eyes again and forcing yourself to look at him.

You were too stunned when he bent down to kiss your hair to argue when he told you there was no need, that he got you, that you could close your eyes again. You obeyed, having no strength left to argue, and you wrapped your arms around his neck when he stood up and lifted you off the couch.

He readjusted your position, and then you were vaguely aware of moving, while he walked through your apartment. You nuzzled closer, your forehead brushing his jaw and your entire body trembled as you felt his beard against your skin.

Too soon, he was gently putting you down on your comfortable mattress, tucking you in, under your warm blanket.

You blinked your eyes open before he could leave, found his hazel eyes looking down at you. He seemed so tall like this, standing above your bed.

“Thank you, Andy. For everything.”

He smiled, gesture gentle and full of fondness.

“Sleep well, Y/N. Goodnight.”

He tucked a strand of your hair away from your face, and the brush of his fingers across your cheek made you close your eyes for good.

Your last thoughts were of him, while you heard him move away from the bed, recognized the creaking of the tiles by the door of your bedroom.

God, you wanted him so much…

[pesky--dust]

We all laugh (or get annoyed) at Jack for being stupid. I do it myself, but let me stand up for him right now.

Let me start quite obviously: Jack had no ill intentions when he brought Will Graham into the FBI's work. He was convinced that Will could save lives and was ready to support him in that — he wanted Alana Bloom to be his psychological support, and when she refused, he went to the psychiatrist she recommended — Hannibal Lecter.

Yes, I'm annoyed myself with how he keep putting pressure on Will (e.g. episode Coquilles: "You go back to your classroom and there’s more killing that you could have prevented, it will sour that classroom forever") and his way of thinking, which he admitted to Hannibal Lecter in Buffet froid, which I will show with a fragment of the script of the said episode:

(that feeling when you agree with cannibalistic serial killer)

It was after Coquilles in which Will said that he want to quit because it is bad for him, so no Jack, I don't think Will feels the same way.

But this post was supposed to be a defense of Jack Crawford, so let's get back on topic.

Jack didn't know the truth about Hannibal, he didn't know that Will had autoimmune encephalitis, and he had no reason not to believe Hannibal that what was wrong with Will was psychological. After all, Dr. Lecter was the psychiatrist recommended to him! And Jack had every right to believe that Hannibal was giving Will the psychological help he needed in his work with the FBI.

And Hannibal prepared the ground for the version that Will has a mental disorder. The story that Hannibal presented made sense: due to his empathy disorder, Will began to believe that he was G.J. Hobbs and continued his work, ultimately taking the life of his daughter.

Jack recruited Will to work with the FBI, believing in his abilities, but Hannibal made him believe that the job had broken Graham mentally. And it's not unusual for disappointed patients to blame their therapists, so it would be quite a natural turn of events for Will to start claiming that Hannibal is the copycat killer, just to avoid being the one to blame. And there was no evidence against Hannibal, because he took care of it.

And now let me focus on the episode titled Yakimono.

Miriam Lass turned out to be alive. Hannibal's partial fingerprint was found at the place where she was held! And on top of that, Dr. Chilton referenced a cannibalistic joke he heard from Hannibal! And Jack ignored it all!!!

But are you sure? In my opinion, he was already planning to use Will again. I think Jack started to suspect something when Beverly Katz was murdered. In Futamono, he tested the food served at Hannibal's party. No human flesh was found there. With Yakimono though, Will's honey pot act in regards of Hannibal begins.

And my theory may seem to make no sense to you, but let me dig into it.

Let me show you a deleted scene from Kaiseki which I find particularly important, crucial one, here:

Tl;dr: Hannibal is social anti social, Will can shape him somehow, because Hannibal believes that Will is as unique as him himself.

Which leads to the conclusion that…

To catch Hannibal, the FBI must take advantage of his weakness towards Will.

And during his honey pot act, Will was still working with Jack, so why wouldn't Jack trust him? However, in Mizumono, Will called Hannibal, warning him, which led to the bloodbath, so why, even after hearing in Aperitivo that Will wanted to run away with Hannibal and a part of him would always want to (Dolce), did Jack continue to trust him? I think it was because Jack thought Will blamed himself for Abigail's death and since he was trying so hard to be a parent to her, he thought that if he ran away with Hannibal, Abigail would be still alive. And in the end, Will "got" Hannibal arrested, right?

Why did Jack allow Hannibal's fake escape in The Wrath of the Lamb and involved Will in that?

In my opinion it connects with the paragraph from earlier. Three years had passed, Will had gotten married, adopted his wife's son, so he had mentally recovered from the bloodbath and the death of his surrogate daughter, right? He told Jack he was really happy, right?

Will may have warned Hannibal and wanted to run away with him, but he was the reason Hannibal was caught. Three years have passed and Will has gotten himself together. In front of Jack he was playing (at least partially) about how he doesn't want to be drawn into the "game" he was playing with Hannibal again, he warned Molly that when he came back he would be different (he didn't come back), he said Alana that seeing Hanniabal for the first time in three years made him feel like Hannibal was looking through to the back of his skull; felt like a fly flitting around in there (... and the Woman Clothed with the Sun), he assured her that he wouldn't let Hannibal into his head again. Will seemed to be traumatized by all this. Up until...

This is the scene where Will is in Jack's office watching what the Dragon has done to Chilton (The Number of the Beast is 666). He looks terrified, panicked, and then suddenly… he becomes sort of relaxed, calm? Would you agree with that? I guess so. But have you ever noticed that there is a transition between these two reactions? It is in front of Jack and Alana that he is terrified, in front of Bedelia he is calm and admits to her that maybe he exposed Chilton to the Dragon on purpose because he actually hates him (just like in the book, although in the book he set Freddy Lounds up to the Dragon).

Will played in front of Jack until the end. Even when suggesting using Hannibal as bait, Will pretends he's not 100% sure it will work, even though he already had a deal with Francis Dolarhyde (The Wrath of the Lamb). It was us as the audience who knew this, not Jack.

I think that Jack believed Will, because he wanted to; it was his way of trying to rehabilitate himself after what Will had to go through because of him because Jack didn't believe him from the beginning that Hannibal was the Copycat. I think that after it turned out that Hannibal was not only the Copycat Killer, but also the Chesapeake Ripper, Jack decided to never doubt Will's abilities again. And that doomed him, just as Kade Prunnell and Alana Bloom predicted.

[auspicioustidings]

Kinktober Day 10

DARK AS HELL, SOMEONE IS BEING TORTURED IN THIS CHAPTER, WE ARE GETTING INTO MILITARY BEING BAD AND YOU BEING CONDITIONED TO JUSTIFY IT.

Moniker: Nikto Risk Level: High. Nikto is a permanent resident of the Kennel. Brief: Torture, blood, anal Safeword: Refer to first brief. Me, Ale and Kate are all on stand by. You’ve not met him yet, but we have Ghost ready to go as well if you safeword. This will be intense. I promise you the man Nikto will be using deserves everything that is coming to him - Price

You’d seen horrible things before, watched and listened to them over and over again to glean whatever intel from them you could. You had known years ago it was turning your brain dark, that people weren’t supposed to be exposed to so much violence. And honestly? You’d stopped asking if the people you were seeing deserved it. The military didn’t care.

You had never been in the room while it was happening. The smell was overwhelming, blood and viscera, the filth from the man on the table losing control of his facilities, the sour tang of sweat and fear and pain.

Nikto wore a mask and it somehow made it worse because he lacked any expression. No reaction at all to the screams he was eliciting. At least not on his face, his cock was certainly reacting, straining against his trousers.

Much like you had for any other scene you had witnessed in your time with the special forces, you said nothing. A commanding officer told you this was justified and you would not question that. If you went down that road there were only two outcomes, dishonorable discharge and a life as a person broken by the things they had done, or a fast track to somewhere like the Kennel and a life as a person turned insanely violent by the things they had done.

Like Nikto, the man emotionlessly carving up a writhing body on the steel table. He casually fished his cock out of his pants and started smacking the mans face with it before thrusting against the brutalised flesh to coat his shaft in blood.

You went to parade rest, hands clasped tightly behind your back. The position sent you into the place you needed to be to deal with this. You were special forces, you bore this so others didn’t, it was for the greater good, this was dirty work but the world was kept clean. The motherfucker deserved it. You thought of all the destruction you had seen and told yourself it was his fault. The broken bodies, the maimed friends, his fault.

Nikto crooked a gloved, bloody finger at you to come. You walked across the room, sparing a glower towards the man on the table. His fault. Every bad thing was his fault. He deserved it.

You were grabbed and pushed unceremoniously over the table, your cheek pressed against the bloodied stomach. Nikto growled in Russian, you didn’t understand enough to pick up what he was saying.

There was no romance or play about this. He shoved your trousers down enough so he could start fingering your ass. It was still tender from Gaz, but you were in soldier mode so you just focused on breathing through it as the lubrication from the blood made the slide easier.

He barely let you adjust before he was jamming his cock inside and fucking you. Steady, clinical. You felt the blood smearing from the flesh beneath you onto your face as you were sawed back and forward from the force of his hard thrusts. It didn’t feel as bad as it had the first time, but then nothing did when you were in this mindset. If anything it felt good and you didn’t ask permission to chase that with a hand on your clit. It felt good because taking pleasure was spiting the man gurgling blood and whining like a bitch beneath you.

His fault.

It only lasted a few minutes. You came and Nikto didn’t really care, just kept pounding steadily until he was ready. You stayed right where you were when he pulled out and painted ropes of cum on the man beneath you’s face.

The man thrashed violently, apparently this being the thing he objected to the most even as half of his digits were gone and his insides were barely staying inside.

You weren’t even really sure what was going on because the next thing you knew you were clean, in PJs and being gently held and rocked by Price. You were sobbing, agonised wails that must have been going on for some time.

“Shh it’s ok sweetheart, won’t happen again.”

As your cries shuddered to a shaky stop and you felt yourself drift off to sleep you couldn’t help but think that so many people in your line of work said that. Won’t happen again. It was always a lie.

[inonibird]

Sahuldeem Spin-off Snippet #1

Hey, did you know that writing has been extremely hard so far this year? Or doing anything creative at all, for that matter? But did you also know that for a while I’ve been noodling around with—get this—FOUR different story ideas that are adjacent to my Sahuldeem series?? And that, in lieu of posting something new that I've written, I figured I could share a snippet from one of these unfinished spin-off stories because it's Valentine's Day and I WANT TO??? This nameless work can best be described as: "An alternate timeline where Ronderu travels back to the day she died…and doesn’t." It is pure alternate universe frippery; self-indulgent, for-the-ancestors'-sake-give-them-a-happy-life goodness. The description in the actual word doc is: "Ronderu reality warping fix-it shit". This isn't how it starts, but it's quite near the beginning. Enjoy~

— — —

Ronderu landed in something cold, felt her feet slip and stumble, and plunged face-first into saltwater.

Spluttering and thrashing, she found she had not fallen far, nor could she have—she’d sprawled in the churning, knee-deep surf of the Jenuwaa, and though the waves rocked her about in a seemingly conscious effort to force her prone, her palms and knees found sand and gravel and managed to ground her. She still fought to haul her head and sopping hair above the surface, struggling to take in the sight of the beach that stretched before her.

The sea. The surf. The beach.

It all began to rush back with nauseating clarity, churning her stomach and souring her throat with bile. A vise closed over her chest and squeezed, a painful premonition…or rather, she recognized, a horrific, impossible memory. For a moment she couldn’t breathe.

But then the pressure around her chest shifted in quality. They were arms, wrapping around her torso and pulling her up out of the frothing surf, up into a supportive grasp and the slight yield of organic leathers.

“Íb-ku huul!” a voice shouted in her ear. “First you yell at me about currents, then you fall in yourself?”

Dizzy, limp-limbed, she twisted her neck and turned to stare up at him.

Sheelal.

Whole again. Masked and magnificent in his clan cloak. The spark of youth and hope in his golden eyes. Nothing broken in his mind, body or soul. This was Sheelal as she had loved him. 

This was Sheelal as she had left him.

She opened her mouth to speak but spat brine, instead. It occurred to her that her body wasn’t quite working properly—as if her spirit was not yet in sync with her flesh, her arms too heavy and numb, legs too unsteady and weak, jaw loose, vision tunneling, spine shivering as she struggled to be.

She didn't remember living ever having been so painful.

It must have been a concerning sight to witness, because Sheelal’s eyes widened behind his kakmusme and his arms tightened. “Ronderu?” he demanded, and his voice—no longer grating and distorted by technology, no longer steeped in decades of exhausting hatred—pitched up in panic. “What’s wrong? Hey! Are you okay?!”

Despite everything, Ronderu knew she couldn’t delay their forces’ assault on the beach without jeopardizing all she had come to correct. Internalizing her screams of frustration, she fought her own traitorous body until her hands balled into fists and her lips wrapped themselves around her teeth in the proper configuration. “M’fine,” she managed to slur. “Jus—jus’slip. Slipped. Beach. Get me to the beach.”

Dutiful to a fault, he shifted his grip and scooped her up into his arms, resolved to carry her to the shore. She almost let loose a burst of inappropriate laughter when he staggered under her weight; this was not the mumuu-built man he had grown into, but the lean, still rather scrawny Sheelal who had almost died from a ravaging bout of wet lung barely two years earlier. She loved every straining, determined inch of him, ear pressed to his hammering heart as he clutched her to his chest and forged through the knee-high waves, fighting against the drag of his water-logged cloak.

“Gods, I love you,” she found herself mumbling as his knees wobbled and dropped both of them to the damp sand. She felt his hands fumbling with and removing her kakmusme before his warmth briefly left her side as he climbed to his feet. He was shouting orders—delegating, so he could focus on what was important. Me, she realized when his hands returned, cradling her cheeks and sweeping through her wild hair, gentle but firm ministrations as he tried to revive her from he he surely presumed to be a dizzy spell. I’m more important to him than this war.

“—don’t know what’s wrong, if you’re sick or if something stung you, but I need you to try and get up. If you can’t fight we can’t have you here on the beach—maybe one of the others can try to land and pick you up, but I-I don’t think I can carry you somewhere safe, I don’t even know where you could be safe, we’re too close to the colony—”

He’s talking too fast, she thought a second before a wheeze interrupted his racing words and dredged up a few breathless coughs. Feeling a little more in control of herself, she pressed her palms into the sand and heaved her body upright with a grunt of effort. “I…I’m fine,” she shakily assured him. She gripped his shoulder with one hand, seeking balance as much as confirming his solid presence. “Sorry to scare you. I’m fine, I can fight. Deep breaths, Sheelal.”

He obeyed, relief oozing from his sagging shoulders. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked anxiously. “You still look pale.”

Ronderu allowed impulse to guide her, and she wanted nothing more than to embrace him. So, pushing back his kakmusme to expose his worried face—Ancestors above, he looked so young—she leaned her forehead into his and drew in a deep, almost delirious lungful of his kuu-lir.

It was him. It was really him.

She’d clawed her way through space and time to see him again, to bring him back to his best self, the self he deserved to be above all else, and the sheer rapture of feeling him threatened to overwhelm her with less-pleasant sensations.

“Ya igni, after all the grief you’ve given me, don’t you dare throw up in my face.”

She finally laughed, too giddy. “I-I won’t. Promise.”

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Summary:

Alone and forsaken, Joel Miller hides himself away at the end of the world. After losing Sarah he was a shell of a man, trying to drown her memory in the blood of any soul that dared to cross his path. No matter what he did, Sarah haunted him. Then came Ellie, the girl he had been through hell with. Joel felt his chest crack open for her and from then on he decided that wherever Ellie went, he would be there. The Fireflies had other ideas. Joel had fought hard, he had torn through that hospital slaughtering anyone that he came across but he was too late. After practically burning down all of Salt Lake City, Joel banishes himself to a cabin in the middle of the woods. Resigned to his fate, his self imposed exile is soon interrupted when he finds you. Broken, starving, and on the brink of freezing to death, Joel has no choice but to let you into his life. With the winter winds in Montana being particularly piercing this season, he is forced to wait until the spring thaws the ground so that he can dump you on Tommy’s doorstep in Wyoming. Can he keep you at arm’s length until then? 

Warnings: Postoutbreak!Joel, mentions of child loss, mentions of religious trauma, brief mentions of Tommy and Maria, mentions of Tess, grieving Joel, Slow burn, eventual smut, eventual soft!Joel, A/B/O dynamics, unspecified age reader age (reader is in her mid-20s and Joel is 56), mentions of violence, Joel really needs a hug in this

A/N: This is my first fic so let me know what you guys think! I'm going to continue to put chapter warnings, both you and Joel are traumatized in this. This is going to be a bit of a slow-burn so strap in folks!

Chapter 1/20 - More to come!

Chapter 1: Withered and Gone

The thundering of his heart pounded in his ears, almost deafening him to the sound of each bullet that ripped into anyone in his way. Joel barely registered their deaths. If asked today he wouldn’t even be able to tell you how many people he slaughtered. Forty? Sixty? One hundred? He had no idea. Filled with a primal fear that pumped battery acid through his veins, he pressed on until he made it to the door.

That door. Joel hated that fucking door. He knew what he would find on the other side, he had seen it every other night for the last four years. Knowing didn’t change anything, it never did. Whether it was him cradling Sarah in his arms while screaming for Tommy and feeling her tiny body turn cold, or being confronted with Ellie’s skull cracked open while a stranger sliced through her brain, knowing didn’t make it better. 

Joel woke, as he did every night, with his heart slamming against his ribs and bile rising in his throat. His eyes were wild as he searched desperately for someone he would never have again, two someones that were gone forever. Nostrils flared, Joel huffed the stale air around him, searching haphazardly for the smell of strawberries and vanilla or cinnamon and ginger. For Sarah and Ellie, his pups. 

Joel was greeted with nothing but his own musk, the scent gone sour from the memories haunting his dreams. Running shaky hands over his flushed face, he cursed under his breath before getting up for the day. Knees popping and back twinging in protest, he forced himself into the tiny bathroom connected to his bedroom. Ignoring the weathered face in the mirror, Joel hauled himself into the shower and let the warm water soothe his tense muscles.

After Salt Lake City, Joel had resigned himself to living in the first dilapidated hunting cabin he could find in Montana. It was what he deserved after failing her. Again. He was a bad Alpha, an even worse father, he had let not one but TWO pups die under his care. Living out the rest of his days in some shithole was the least he could do. 

Having stumbled back to Wyoming, Joel reached Jackson and collapsed at the front gate. He remembers Tommy above him, trying and failing to shake him out of the daze he was in. He remembers the unfamiliar smells of the clinic, Tommy and Maria coming to see him. He remembers a beta doctor coming in to explain the lows he would experience in the coming months, being an alpha who had lost their pup.

As if he didn’t already know. 

Joel couldn’t stay there. He couldn’t stand the softness of the sheets, how Tommy looked at him with sorrow and Maria with guarded pity, how his innocent nephew looked up at him with Tommy’s eyes - the eyes that were the same as his, the same eyes he passed on to Sarah. It only got worse when he left the clinic. Walking through the streets of Jackson reminded him of Ellie. He had to restrain himself from burning the place to the ground. After turning quite a few heads in town with his bitter scent and chilling presence, Joel left quietly in the middle of the night. He left a note for Tommy with the patrol hanging around the front gate and departed for his exile. 

Sleepwalking through Wyoming, he finally made his way into Montana where he found the cabin. It must have been the treasure of some reclusive hunter, as it sat smack dead in the middle of the forest without a single road in sight for miles. The building was one story, with a slightly rotting front porch that was overhung by the tin roof. Black solar panels were clamped on the green tin roof, light reflecting against the glass and burning his eyes.

Joel approached it cautiously, pricking up his ears for any potential danger. Who would leave this oasis out here? Hearing nothing, he approached the log building and climbed the slightly softening stairs. Pushing open the door, he was greeted with nothing but dusty air. Taking one step into the room, he could tell nobody had been in this cabin for years. Dust covered the coffee table and moth eaten couch in the living room. Yellowing books lined the shelves and a taxidermied deer leered at him from the wall. 

Pushing forward, Joel found a puke green kitchen with a plethora of expired canned food and knitted dishcloths in a variety of bright colors. Next to that, a hallway that led him to a bathroom with a kitschy painting of a monkey in a wig brushing his teeth. Joel stared at it for a second, wondering who the hell would have bought something like that. Was he that type of person before the world went to shit? He couldn't remember. 

His tour of the house continued and he found two bedrooms. The first was a master suite with a large bed and a dust soaked brown comforter. He ignored the pictures that lined the walls and shifted through the dressers for anything useful. He found some pants and flannels around his size, as well as some smaller clothes that clearly belonged to a woman. Maybe the owner had a wife? Joel tsked at himself, he needed to remain focused on the task at hand. 

Joel dropped his bag, keeping his rifle notched against his shoulder as he approached the last door to the cabin. Surely if a clicker was going to jump out of him it would have already, but humans don’t typically alert their prey before pouncing in his experience. Joel didn’t smell anything as he approached the door but he remained tense. He didn’t trust his senses anymore. Hell, he hadn’t even smelled the Fireflies that approached him as he did compressions on Ellie after the tunnel. Years before that, he hadn’t noticed the soldier's scent sour after getting the orders that would kill Sarah. 

“Stupid, so fucking stupid, bad alpha, bad provider…”, he growled before shaking his head, trying to clear his mind of the poison that seeped into his soul with every waking moment of his miserable life. 

Half expecting (and half hoping) to be shot dead the second he enters the final room, Joel was greeted with a sight that punched him in the gut. He stumbled back a few steps before a wave of dizziness lurched him forward again. Ears ringing, he fell to his knees and let out a pained cry. 

The room was simple, with flowers painted lovingly on the walls and comic books stuffed into the tiny book shelf on the wall. Tears began to stream down his face as he shakily crawled forward. Joel grasped the only picture that sat on the peachy nightstand. Practically choking on his own cries, he dusted off the frame and looked at the picture. 

Two girls sat on the front porch. The girl on the left was tomboyish and silly, holding a fishing rod in one hand and throwing up the peace sign with the other. The other girl was softer, hands covered in paint and smiling wide while holding a painting of what looks to be a Disney princess. In another life, that could have been them; his pups, Ellie and Sarah.

“It’s not them, it’s not them, it’s n-not them,” he mumbled to himself, trying to ignore the similarities while his heart rate soared.

He could feel rage building up in his chest as he looked at the girls, his vision going blurry and his jaw popping with how hard he ground his teeth. 

“IT’S NOT FUCKING THEM!,” he yelled, launching the picture at the wall and shattering the frame. 

Joel stayed on the floor for hours before he collected himself, giving one last look to the room before closing it for good. This place would do fine, he decided. It was secluded enough to keep him in his solitary confinement. The cabin sat near a river with clean flowing water and had seeds and canned food in the cabinets. It even had a tomb for his dead girls to serve as a constant reminder of his failure. Scratch that, his failures. This would be where he spent the rest of his life. Alone, as it should be. 

For four years, Joel secluded himself in his cabin. The place had a few adjustments since then. The dust was shaken out of the blankets and the windows opened to wash out the dankness of the place. He had planted seeds and started a garden, put up traps around the area for meat, and even fixed the porch after he had almost fallen through it one morning.

Tommy found him a couple months after his arrival and he managed swindle his brother into helping him get the solar panels working so that he could have power. The younger Miller had lingered, trying to convince his brother to follow him back to a life in Jackson but Joel had just growled at the beta until he backed off. The only concession Joel agreed two was a meet up two times a year, once before winter hit in November and once again at the break of Spring in May. He knew Tommy just wanted to check in on him and as annoyed as he was, he also knew that it was the only way he could avoid the beta dragging him back to Jackson.

Jackson didn’t need the measly produce and game that Joel provided, Joel knew that. His brother needed proof that Joel was still breathing, and this was the only way Tommy knew he could get it. 

Joel’s head pounded at the thought of his idiot brother as he tried to rinse off the memories that plagued him. He stood under the scalding spray for a few more moments, willing himself to relax. He wondered briefly if it was his rut that was coming but he quickly brushed that off. He hadn’t had one of those since Tess was still alive. Whether it was stress or that he was aging way too fast, they had just stopped one day. Not that he minded, he hadn’t cared much for the monthly desperation and now he didn't think he deserved the pleasure a release would bring him.

Turning the valve, Joel stepped out of the shower and toweled off. His body was practically on auto pilot as he went through his routine of getting dressed. He crammed whatever food he could find into his mouth before putting on his boots and heading out to check the traps. 

The air was chilly as Joel stepped out. He quickly zipped his jacket while cursing the wind that bit into his wide frame. Joel stopped to look at the sky briefly and wondered if it would snow soon. A week into November and the temperatures had dropped drastically. He wondered if this winter would be as brutal as the last. One day he had not even been able to get out the front door with how much snow had come. After 24 hours, he had to literally dig himself out. 

Sighing, he headed into the trees surrounding the cabin. Every trap he crossed was empty, save for the last one near the river. That was usually the case, with animals that sought water easily getting snared in the wire. The trap held a good sized rabbit. He grinned as he thought about the stew that he would make with the gamey meat.  

“You’ll do just fine darling,” he drawled, releasing the snare from its neck before he shoved it in his pack. 

Joel turned, deciding to return to the cabin so that he could properly skin his new found treasure but something stopped him in his tracks. His spine straightened. Is that? No, it can't be. His nose lifted in the air, searching for something that could not possibly be true. That’s when he heard it. 

It was quiet. The noise barely carried over the wind and the river nearby but his ears zoned into it immediately. His instincts were trained for this. Joel waited a second. He was sure that he had finally lost it, but then he heard it again.

A whine. 

Not just any whine, no, this whine was high pitched and light. It floated on the cold air over to him and smacked him in the face. The scent of lavender and peppermint dizzied him and his heightened senses picked up another strangled whine. This whine had sweat forming on his brow and a need to protect tensing all the muscles in his legs. He was sure of it now. This was the whine of an omega. 

For a second Joel just stood there dumbfounded. What the fuck was an omega doing all the way out here? Were they alone? Did they need help? Were they hurt? If they are hurt then they need his help. He has to help, need to be good, need to protect, need to…

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Joel gritted out, rubbing his eyes as his headache worsened with every second he stood there. 

Another gust of cold wind brushed against his face and the sweet scent surrounded him again. He smelled the sharp note of panic in the aroma and his legs moved forward before his brain could process the action, his instincts taking over for him. Bounding through the trees, he ran towards the riverbank. His eyes wheeled around his surroundings, a gasp leaving his mouth as he spied a small lump near the rushing waters. Heart pounding in his ears, Joel raced towards it.

-You-

How long had you been lost? Weeks? A month? You didn’t even know anymore. You had been a part of a group of people, being the only survivors from a larger place that had been overrun by infected. After dodging infected and raiders for nearly a year, your luck had to ran out.

Your group had ran out of gas on some godforsaken backroad and were utterly stranded there. Hoping to find something in the small town - could you even call it a town? - your group had trudged into the small strip of dilapidated stores with one sorry looking gas station in the center. 

Everything had happened so fast. One moment you were outside the gas station watching a squirrel skitter up a tree near you, the next there were gunshots and screaming. Infected tore apart the face of your friend, an older omega named Miriam who had taken you under her wing, right in front of you. You remember screaming and immediately twenty dead faces turning in your direction. Miriam’s alpha, a soft yet stern woman named Rachel, had stepped in front of you cocking her gun. You whined and whimpered, legs shaking and scent downright acidic with terror as you cowered behind her. 

“Go Y/N,” Rachel yelled at you, squaring up as the runners and clickers darted towards her. 

You couldn't leave her. What would you do? Where would you go? Rarely had you ever been allowed to be alone and you never really wanted to be. Being an unclaimed omega in a lawless world meant that you had to stick to groups with those that would protect you, lest you become a raiding group's plaything.

Rachel pushed you back and started firing. Whining behind her, you tried to pull her towards the guard rail. You needed her, how would you survive alone?

“GET OUT OF HERE OMEGA!,” Rachel boomed. 

That flipped a switch in you. It was a biological kick in the ass that had you turning and sprinting across the road. Jumping over the guardrail, you looked back over your shoulder and saw Rachel slicing through the advancing dead. With her emptied gun somewhere on the ground behind her, you watched as a clicker launched itself at her and tore into her flesh. 

With Rachel’s last instructions to you bouncing off the walls of your now empty brain, you turned and sprinted into the forest. Passing nothing but trees, you ran until you were gagged and retched. Your chest was practically on the verge of exploding by the time you stopped and your legs gave out. Collapsing on to the cold ground, you laid beneath the foliage and drifted. 

That had been weeks ago, or months, you weren’t sure at this point. It’s not like keeping a calendar was on your mind. Plus, your heats had stopped from the starvation your group had faced for the past year. You tried counting how many days you had been lost by the nights but soon, with only a bag of granola in your pack and bottle of water depleted, the days and nights had blurred together.

This was how you were going to die. You felt like laughing and crying at the same time. You had been young when the virus hit, maybe 5 years old, and had watched it pick off every member of your family until it was just you and your mother. Your mother had been kind once, you think, but aren’t entirely sure if that was true or wishful thinking. 

A fairytale made up by a lonely child in a dying world perhaps?

You shook your head. No, she had sung songs to you at one point but that was before. After the infection, after your father died, she had kept you safe while bouncing around QZs in search of some sort of safe haven. That was until she met Josiah, a preacher that took you both into his group and quickly became your stepfather. 

You had tried to like him. He seemed sweet at first, giving candies to you and the other children at camp, offering to teach you how to tend to the garden, bringing you a pair of pink shoes that you were so excited to have that your mother pinched your arm just to get you to stop squealing. However, things shifted after your mother and you got more comfortable in town. It became clear that worshipping was the only way that Josiah would let you stay.

Your mother followed along, biting her cheeks and dragging you with her to bible studies and all night prayer services that bruised your knees. But you could tell that she hated every second of it. You could feel it in the way she wrenched you forward everytime you protested going to the services that you hated. You had been to religious services briefly before the outbreak, your mom taking you to Catholic mass once for Christmas eve and your father taking you to celebrate Purim at the local synagogue, but you were way too young to really understand the meaning of any of it. By the time Josiah came around, those memories were barely a whisper in your brain. 

Things got worse from there. Josiah became the centerpiece for the group and everyone bowed to his every decree. The alphas were at the top of the pecking order, never to be questioned especially by an omega. Omegas were to be demure, quiet, dutiful, and were meant to be completely under the coverture of their alpha. Betas were given slightly more leeway than omegas, but would never be in a leadership position at camp and would only be allowed to mate with other betas. Anyone breaking the strict biological guidelines were brutally punished. The methods were downright inhumane depending on Josiah’s mood or the level of perceived “heresy.” 

You prayed for years under Josiah’s tyranny that you would present as a beta. Sure, you would never lead like an alpha but that never appealed to you anyways. You were caring and you wanted to help people. Plus, maybe if you were a beta they would let you become a doctor. The majority of the group were also betas and many were your age. Being a beta would mean that when the time came, you would have more than enough people to choose from for mating. 

Much to your dismay, you presented as an omega and everything got worse. You didn’t have many friends, mainly Jake and the ladies that lived next door; Miriam and Rachel, but now you were stuck inside the house. Josiah wanted to keep you from sin, so he locked you away “for your own good.” You were forced to dress more conservatively, to eat less to maintain your figure, to pray more, to upkeep the house, to never look an alpha in the eye, etc. All the while, inside the house, you tiptoed around the rage of your dulled mother and the leers that your stepfather gave your developing figure. 

By the time the infected had overwhelmed the dinky gate that protected your community, you had already been planning on escaping for months. Leaping into a car with Miriam, Rachel, Jake, and a few others, calmness washed over you amidst the destruction. You knew that your mother was probably dead, and you had seen your stepfather get his head ripped clean off of shoulders by a massive clicker, but you didn’t feel anything but relief.

The year after you left, although it was hard with the constant running and fighting, was actually the best year of your life. Nobody expected you to be anything, nobody pinched you, nobody made you pray, nobody smacked you if you made eye contact. You were just you. 

“And now look at you,” you chuckled, “stumbling through the woods with no fucking idea where you are going.”

If you didn't find shelter soon, you knew that you would die. You needed to eat, to rest. There was no way you would last another night in the forest.

Your stomach growled violently, practically shaking your frame with the force. You lifted your nose in the air, searching for a whiff of anything. At this point, you were open to eating a squirrel. You shambled through the trees for hours, vision blacking out around the edges as you tried to find any trace of sustenance. Then you heard it: the loud roar of flowing water nearby. 

A new sense of urgency pierced through the delirium and you staggered through the vegetation. The urgency made you clumsy and you faceplanted on the rocky bank. A small whine escaped your mouth as you hauled yourself up onto your hands and knees. Your palms smeared blood across the rocks as you crawled towards the water. Dizziness scrambled your thoughts but you pushed through with your heart leaping in your chest and eyes bleary. Faltering as a wave of nausea and dizziness rocked into you, you lost your balance and crumpled just a few inches from the water.

You whined again, louder this time. Frustration welled up in your chest with your goal so close, yet so far away. As you laid there, contemplating whether or not it would be easier just to give in and die, a breeze came from the trees and carried over the most delicious scent that has ever graced your nostrils.

The smell of sandalwood and bergamot glided over the air and wrapped itself around your senses. You felt your body immediately sag along the shore, your eyelids drooping as a feeling of peace overwhelmed you. You weren't sure what was happening, having never felt this calm in your entire life but you didn't question it and gave in to the peace.

You didn't even flinch when you felt a pair of strong arms turn you over and lift you into the air. The comforting aroma coated the back of your throat and warmed the tips of your fingers, making you snuggle into the warmth pressed against you. You rubbed your face into the source as you felt yourself being whisked away.

A soft hum came from your carrier and you heard a deep comforting voice say, “It’s okay omega, I’ve got you. Not gonna let anything happen to ya darling.” 

You had never fallen asleep so quickly in your entire life.

[megraen]

Chapter Six - The Lion’s Claws

WORD COUNT: 6,033

Palace of Domitian - Rome 195AD

Three days. That was how many days it took for the fallen Senator, Vopiscus Tertinius Crito, to break. Geta had been correct that a man of Crito’s lifestyle had been unable to handle the conditions of a Roman jail, especially for one waiting to die. The cells were cramped, with no beds other than the hard floor and a daily ration of gruel made from lentils. Crito knew it well, as it’s what he fed his slaves, but they got three meals a day. He quickly found himself starving and craving wine, his body not used to living without the luxury it had grown accustomed to. There had also been the smell of the dungeons. It reeked of decay, rot and faeces, enough to turn anyone’s nose away and sour their stomachs.

After news of Crito’s screams for mercy echoing throughout the dungeons was brought to the attention of the two Emperors, he was dragged before them, an unsightly, broken man who didn’t even appear to hold the majesty he once did as a senator. Crito had scattered towards Geta’s feet, for he was the first-born son, deeming him the more powerful, yet Geta kicked him away, looking down at the man in mortification.

“Please, your majesties, have mercy! Allow me to return home!” Crito begged, tears streaming down his face in a pitiful mess.

Geta scoffed. “Return home? The Empire has claimed everything you own. You are a hated man, Crito. News of your crimes has already spread through the city, and it won’t be long until the entire Empire knows your shame.” He slouched back on his throne, mirroring his twin’s lax pose.

“Then let me go into exile?” Crito stated recklessly, edging back towards Geta’s feet. “Allow me the honour for all the years of my dutiful service.”

Geta scowled, slamming his foot down on the hand that reached too close to him. He stood as Crito’s howls of pain resonated through the throne room, and Caracalla laughed, kicking his feet playfully like a child witnessing his brother’s torturous act. “Honour? You have no honour!” Geta latched onto Crito’s greying hair and dragged the fool close to his throne. “You offended my brother and me and sought to claim a woman who didn’t belong to you! You sought to steal this—” He forced Crito closer to the throne, practically shoving his face into the cool metal of the gold. “—from us! How long until you would have had us murdered if Lucia had birthed you a son? A week? A day?” Geta screamed down at him, pulling his head back so that Crito could see the anger in the Emperor’s face, all while Caracalla was still laughing. Crito was crying even louder, still protesting his innocence. Utterly disgusted by the older man, Geta let him go with a harsh shove.

“Please, your majesties, I can’t go back there.” Crito wailed from the floor, lying collapsed on the tiles.

“We promised sweet Lucia you’d stay there for five days.” Caracalla giggled, his eyes lighting up at watching the man’s despair. “But if you don’t like it there, we can always kill you tomorrow?” He suggested. Caracalla was grinning wildly, desperate to see blood and death, to have the excitement heat the blood in his veins. Crito stared up at him, the fear wide in his eyes.

“I think we should, brother. Rome is eager to see his death, after all.” Geta smiled, sitting back down on his throne. The fallen Senator was frozen, unable to move as fear overwhelmed him. Crito had hoped to convince the Emperors to let him go and pardon him for the crimes they had placed upon him, but he now saw that wouldn’t be the case. He was to meet his fate no matter what. It wasn’t just the Emperors who wanted him dead and the Senate, but all of Rome. He had no other family, as he had waited years to marry Lucilla, and when she had married herself to the general, he had set his sights on Lucia, but even fate had denied him the daughter. “You’re choice, Crito. Would you rather die tomorrow or the day after?” Geta asked him with a smile.

Crito’s head sank. “Tomorrow…” He mumbled weakly, giving in to the fate before him. As much as he didn’t want to die, he didn’t wish to spend more time in the dungeons. The twins were pleased with the man’s acceptance of his death and with how soon they would get to enjoy his execution. With a wave of his hand, Geta beckoned a guard to take Crito away, the fallen Senator limp as he was dragged off. The twins were laughing and smiling, enjoying that the events had benefited them. Geta gestured over a slave, ordering that the change be brought to Lucia’s attention, hoping the woman wouldn’t find any issues with the execution being a day earlier. He also had ordered the Master of Ceremonies and the Senate to be summoned posthaste, as he needed to assume that everything would run smoothly tomorrow.

Caracalla groaned. “Meetings, brother?” He questioned bitterly, not wanting to deal with Imperial duties. Geta waved him off, accepting two cups of wine from a slave and offering one to his twin.

“I don’t wish to discover that nothing has been arranged for tomorrow,” Geta said. “It would be an embarrassment for us if there wasn’t.” He explained, sipping his wine as Caracalla drowned his greedily. Caracalla held no concern for the same issues his twin had. He didn’t bother to think about how the public or Senate saw them, deeming them invincible, but Geta knew the truth, that one wrong action could cause the downfall of their slowly beginning dynasty. Geta, the eldest twin, had always to be the wisest and sensible of the two, protecting them from any risks and dangers. Without him, Caracalla would wander carelessly into a blade or two.

“Fine.” Caracalla sighed dramatically, slouching further down on his throne.

Palace of Domitian - Rome 195AD

Lucia sat at her vanity, patiently waiting for several female slaves to attend to her. She was dressed in an elaborate golden chiton, looking as much like a princess of Rome as she had ever looked. The last time she recalled looking this regal was when her stepfather went to conquer Numidia. She had been only eighteen then, yet it felt much longer than the five years it was, almost a lifetime. Lucia sighed at the thought.

“Is the hair not to your liking, Domina?” One of the slaves asked.

“Or your makeup?” Asked another.

“No. They look acceptable.” Lucia spoke, ignoring the nervous glances sent her way. This was to be Lucia’s first public appearance, and with all of Rome’s eyes on her in the Colosseum, the slaves had to make her look like the Roman princess she was. Her hair had been perfectly styled and curled, with two long curls hanging loose over her right shoulder. There was a small headband of gold leaves and pearls resting atop her hair, a relatively minimal version of golden laurels, but still something that showed her status as one of Rome’s elite.

As one of the slaves was finishing up the rouge on her cheeks, made from crushed and powdered rose petals, Lucia had reached forward to grab Acacius’s necklace off her vanity, but a slave stopped her, taking the pendant away with the excuse it was too ‘simple’. Lucia’s jaw tightened. She didn’t like being told she couldn’t wear something that meant so much to her. Standing up with a jolt, sending the stool clamouring to the ground and startling the slaves, Lucia turned suddenly on the slave who had taken her pendant, backhanding the young woman hard across the face.

“You do not touch that!” Lucia hissed, picking up the pendant from the floor after it had dropped from the slave’s hands. “Get out!” She continued to yell at this particular slave, towering over the cowering woman. The slave wasted no time bolting away, fleeing from the chambers before she could incur more of the princess’s wrath. “Fix the stool.” Lucia hissed over her shoulder, carefully lacing the long chain of the pendant over her head, doing her best not to disturb her hair.

The remaining two slaves quickly fixed the stool and stayed quiet as Lucia sat back down, not even regarding them with a look. They didn’t wait to be told to resume their work, one continuing to style Lucia’s hair while the other took over finishing the woman’s makeup. Both slaves were extremely nervous. They’d heard of the drastic shift in Lucia’s personality, that she had become cold and harsh towards many of the slaves within the Palace, yet to see it firsthand was bewildering. Lucia had always been kind and gentle; now, she was completely different. When the women were done, they stepped back; their heads hung low as Lucia admired herself in the golden mirror. She didn’t show any outward appreciation towards the hard work the slaves had put into making her ready to meet the Roman public.

“It shall suffice,” She finally commented, making the slaves swallow thickly. Lucia picked up a pair of pearl earrings, silently hooking them into her ears. She inspected herself one last time before standing up, ignoring the lingering pain in her bandaged feet. She made for the chamber doors yet stopped before them, sending a seething look towards the slaves. The women darted forward, opening the doors for her, their eyes still downcast and avoiding Lucia’s harsh gaze.

Lucia made her way to the throne room, where the Emperors were waiting, before taking the short route to the Colosseum. She didn’t glance at any guards or slaves as she passed them in the halls, just focusing on moving ahead. Everyone knew how to give the woman a wide berth. She walked with her head held high, yet a permanent scowl was plastered to her face as if she was constantly smelling something foul. Stepping into the throne room, Lucia found it void of the two Emperors. She snapped at a guard, demanding to know where they were, only to be informed that they were still getting ready. Lucia groaned and rolled her eyes as she began to pace, clearly impatient.

Turning sharply, she gazed at the two golden thrones. They weren’t the original Imperial thrones that her grandfather and uncle sat on, nor where Severus sat when he was Emperor. These two had been commissioned back when Severus announced his twin sons would be his heirs and rule Rome as co-emperors. These thrones didn’t seem to hold the same level of majesty as those sat upon by previous Emperors, which had been elaborate in design. The twin thrones were simple in design, covered in gold and emblems of lions. Lucia took a step closer to them but didn’t dare touch them. She knew what an offence it was to do so.

“You look every bit the princess you are…”

Lucia’s eyes flicked up to the side, and her brows furrowed at the sight of her mother. There was a strained smile on Lucilla’s lips, stretched tightly across her beautiful and aged face, yet her eyes didn’t show a flicker of happiness. Walking close to her daughter, Lucilla circled her, taking every aspect of her appearance. It was perfect, the very image of regality, except for the pendant hanging low around her neck. Acacius’s pendant. Lucilla’s eyes softened at the sight of the old coin, finally showing positive emotion.

“You’ve become quite a woman…” Lucilla praised, reaching out with both hands to make minor adjustments to Lucia’s appearance, as any mother would do with a child.

Lucia smacked her mother’s hands away, startling Lucilla. “I do not need your pestering.” Lucia hissed, eyes narrowing. Lucilla blinked repeatedly, shocked by her daughter’s cold demeanour. “Have you come to talk me out of going again?” Lucia asked scornfully, stepping back from her mother. Since Crito’s verdict, Lucilla had openly voiced her disagreement with Lucia going to the Colosseum to witness the execution, constantly trying to talk her daughter out of the idea, but Lucia held firm. Only the Gods could stop Lucia from witnessing her attacker's end. If she had to sneak out and risk discovery, she would.

“The fights of the Colosseum are gruesome feats and—” Lucilla started to speak, but Lucia cut her off with a snort and eye roll. “What has become of you?” She dared to ask, a bite rising in her tone. “You have become so cold to me.” Lucia only stared back at her, her blue eyes rigid and unmoving. Without saying a word, Lucia turned sharply, ignoring her mother, and went to the front doors of the throne room that led out to the front courtyard, where two Basterna waited to carry them to the Colosseum. She did not want to speak to her mother or hear the woman’s lectures. Lucilla called after her, but Lucia still didn’t acknowledge her.

Standing at the top of the long staircase, Lucia gazed down at the vehicles below and then at Rome, which lay over the high walls. She hadn’t stood there in five years, the last time she had watched Acacius descend to a waiting chariot below that had taken him off to the port. Staring down at the steps below, Lucia slowly took each step, holding her breath as if afraid the guards would stop her from being forward. Upon reaching the bottom, slaves were beside her, guiding and assisting the princess into the awaiting Basterna, a litter carried by two mules. Sitting down inside, Lucia finally released her breath. She was finally getting the opportunity to leave the Palace and experience a faction of Rome with the permission of Geta and Caracalla. A smile formed on her lips briefly, but it was quickly swiped away when her mother entered the Basterna, sitting opposite her.

“You hate the Colosseum and its games.” Lucia hissed, annoyed that her mother was joining.

Lucilla just smiled back with a false smile. “I want to ensure your well-being.” The response had Lucia’s jaw tightening. The princess sat back in her seat, gazing out the small windowed door, spotting the two Emperors descending to their own Basterna. Once they were situated inside, both Basternas would be escorted to the Colosseum under heavy guard, protected by the Praetorians. The Basterna jerked as the mules started to walk at a reasonable pace, stopping the Basterna from rocking too much. Lucilla had travelled this way before her brother’s passing, but for Lucia, it was her first time. Lucia’s hands gripped either side of the cushioned seat, trying to keep herself stable. If Lucilla noticed her daughter’s unease, she didn’t comment.

It was a short traverse east to the Colosseum, having been built close to Palatine Hill to ensure the safety of the Imperial family when games were being held. The Basternas were escorted into a private, closed-off area where only the Emperors and the Praetorians could enter. The yard was secured with high fences, unable to be climbed and concealed anyone in the space so that no projectiles could be thrown or a bow fired.

Lucia was eager to be the first out of the Basterna, needing to create space to escape her mother. No sooner had she left the vehicle than Emperor Caracalla had called out to her and came excitably jogging over, the jewels around his neck and hanging from his right ear jiggling.

“Sweet Lucia!” He sang, stopping before her, his eyes mapping her form. “You look delicious.” Caracalla purred shamelessly, uncaring that his words came off as lewd. Behind Lucia, Lucilla frowned and glared at the man, unpleased with his forward nature towards her daughter. Lucia didn’t acknowledge the Emperor’s seduction, as it was typical of Caracalla’s nature. He continued to stand before her, his eyes gazing over her hungrily.

“Brother,” Geta spoke, clasping his twin’s arm gently, following Caracalla’s eyes. He smiled at Lucia, admiring her more subtly. “You are certainly fitting of your station, princess,” Geta stated, observing the golden fabric of the chiton clinging to her body and the sparkling jewels adorning her. She was indeed a vision. “Rome will marvel at the sight of you.” He smiled, gesturing for their group to head inside the Colosseum and to the secure room before the Imperial box.

Lucia didn’t speak, taking purposeful steps ahead and leading them up the staircase to the first floor. Inside, some senators who had yet to take their seats on the lowest level, reserved for the wealthiest and most powerful men in Rome, were gathered, granting them the best seats closest to the fights. At the sight of the Emperors, the senators rushed forward, bowing and honouring the twins in praises, sucking up and vying for the twin’s favour. Some had dared to approach Lucia and her mother, bowing to both women before offering their sympathies to Lucia, stating how horrible it was for her to be there and witness the execution of her attacker. The notion had Lucia’s blood boiling that they saw her as a flimsy flower that could break at the first breeze, but then they dared to anger her further, boasting of how they could ‘protect’ her if they were her husband.

Lucia sneered and shoved past them, uncaring if she came off as offensive. She was disgusted that these men, who claimed to want to serve Rome and its people, would offer themselves as potential suitors during this trying time for her. It spoke lowly of their morals.

Standing in the doorway leading out to the Imperial box, Lucia gazed into the Colosseum, spotting the three levels quickly filling up with spectators. Today was a monuments day for Rome, for the population to bear witness to the death of a man who tried to rape a member of the Imperial family. To women, it was a sign of the power shift that a woman’s attacker can and will be held accountable for their actions. Lucia was amazed by the size of the structure. Peering upwards, she could see the large sunshades that were being extended to protect those below from the heat. Lucilla came up beside her, gently touching her upper arm and leading her down to the seats reserved for the two of them.

Lucia’s heart was racing in her chest as she entered the light of the Colosseum, coming into view of the public of Rome. There was a chorus of cheers for Lucilla at first, but when they caught sight of the raven-haired woman beside her, they began to cheer on Lucia. Lucia found she couldn’t sit, basking in the thunderous applause of her name, a spectacle that seemed unnatural to a woman whose very presence had long since been hidden away from the Roman public. A distant sound of Cornu horns opposite the Imperial box pools her from the haze, and the crowd begins to quiet, all eyes turning to the Master of Ceremonies as the bald and aged man dressed in grand finery takes his place at the announcer’s box. Geta, followed by his younger twin Caracalla, stepped past the guest seating, moving to stand at the front of the box, waiting for the events to start.

“Emperor Caracalla! Emperor Geta!” The Master of Ceremonies called out, raising the wine cup in his hand in a toast to the two Emperors, who held up a single hand to acknowledge the public. “Citizens of Rome! Today, we condemn the fallen Senator, Vopiscus Tertinius Crito, for his vile actions against the granddaughter of Emperor Marcus Aurelius, Lucia Lucilla Aurelius!” The crowd ‘booed’ in response, revealing their shared disgust at the crimes against the princess.

Geta quickly turned to Lucia, gesturing for her to join them. She moved without thinking, stepping down to the front and standing before the twins. There was another chorus of her name, the public screaming for the Gods to bless her and calling her the ‘daughter of Rome’. The twins noticed that her appearance had been more well-received than theirs. Geta held back a grimace as he saw how much the public adored Lucia, yet Caracalla frowned.

“My people!” Lucia yelled out, silencing the public and having them lean forward in their seats, desperate to hear what the woman had to say. Geta and Caracalla looked at her, not expecting the woman to speak. “This is a day for all of Rome! Not just me! That any man who forces himself on a woman of Rome shall meet a swift and fair punishment! For Rome is just! And I have faith in our Emperors and Senate!” The lies fell effortlessly from her lips, just as they always did, yet as the cries of her name got louder, there was also praise for the Emperors, making the twins smile.

“You honour us, princess,” Geta murmured lowly, enough for her to hear only. The smile dropped from his lips when she turned her head, an impassive look on her face. He knew then that she hadn’t meant what she said. Lucia turned, returning to her seat beside her mother. Forcing a smile onto his lips, Geta sat down in his seat, hastily reaching for his wine and taking a sip. Beside him, sitting in his chair, Caracalla slouched back, unaware of the looks shared between his twin and Lucia. They all sat patiently as the opening ceremony began. A parade of gladiators entered the arena floor and circled, the crowds cheering for their favourites, undoubtedly having placed bets on the events. Geta and Caracalla whispered, sharing laughs as they discussed their excitement for the day.

The twins stood eagerly when the two fallen soldiers were brought out, dressed in rough-spun tunics with flimsy swords and shields. It was a far cry from their former Palace guard attire, made from the finest metals and polished to shine brightly. The two men looked like every new gladiator brought to the Colosseum to fight, not yet having the prestige or the backing of a wealthy owner to buy them reasonable armour and weapons. At the sight of them, the Master of Ceremonies announced who they were, and the crowd booed, shamed that the men had betrayed Lucia for coin.

“Which one shall die first, brother?” Caracalla laughed, jumping excitedly as two well-armed and experienced gladiators emerged. “I think the smaller one.” He pointed at the smaller of the two men, who seemed to be shrinking back at the two imposing gladiators. His partner was moving into a defensive position, aiming his sword and shield to defend himself. Geta agreed with his brother. The smaller ones always died first. They were the weakest.

With every swing of a sword and clashing of metal, the crowd would cheer, eager for more. Lucilla was scowling, finding no interest in the barbaric sport. She even held a sprig of lavender to her nose to distract her from the stench of blood, wine, and urine in the air. She had offered the flower to Lucia, but her daughter had ignored her. The young woman’s eyes focused on the arena below, studying each movement. As children, she and Lucius had used sticks as swords, hitting them together and playing mock war as if they were Centurions off conquering for the glory of Rome. After Lucius left, she played the same games with Geta and Caracalla.

“Lucia! Come!” Caracalla called over to the princess, beckoning her to join him and his brother. The man was still excited as he leaned on the balcony edge, his giggles causing him to spill his wine. Lucia’s brows furrowed, but she slowly stood, coming over to join the Emperors and get a closer look at the fight below. She could feel her mother’s eyes trained on her, yet she ignored her. Lucia leaned on the balcony, watching the four men fight and barely listening to Caracalla as he explained the battle to her. Out of the two former Palace guards, the smaller struggled to hold his own against his opponent, while the other was besting the gladiator he was currently clashing with. A chorus of boos and jeers went out when the fallen guard had managed to spin out of the way of a strike, his blade lunging into the gladiator’s stomach.

Geta and Caracalla swore, smacking their fist against the stone railing. They had hoped to see both guards die, yet one of them was eager to live. After dispatching the gladiator, the guard rushed to aid his colleague, who was almost on the ground, his body covered in nicks and cuts. The victorious guard swung his sword through the back of the throat of the last remaining gladiator, angering the crowd further. The Master of Ceremonies quickly announced the victory to the fallen Palace guards, much to the disappointment of all spectating the fight. Lucia’s hands tightened, her nails biting into the skin of her palm. How dare they live after what they allowed to happen to her, that they had sold their duty to protect her for some measly coins. They deserved to die, deserved to suffer.

“Is that it?” Lucia hissed lowly.

“No,” Geta responded, returning to sit on his adorned chair. He sipped his wine, his eyes trained on his twin, who appeared to be sulking. “They will fight in another match. Precautions have been made.” He explained, his eyes shifting back to Lucia. Geta observed her form, seeing the tenseness in her shoulders as she gazed at the men still down on the arena floor, where the bodies of the deceased gladiators were being taken away. Geta knew what was coming next: the disgraced Senator would be dragged out into the arena with the two guards. He knew the trio would expect more gladiators, but he smirked as he had something much grander in mind.

When the Master of Ceremonies announced Crito’s name, Lucia’s head snapped towards the gladiator’s gate, her eyes burning as the older man was practically thrown onto the sand, having refused to go out there. A small sword was tossed out beside him, and the gates slammed shut before he could even stand. The entire crowd was yelling at him, cursing his name and demanding his death. Crito stood on shaky legs, struggling to walk as his eyes darted around, trying to spot the awaiting danger, but he saw only the guards he had bribed. He had run to them, the small blade in his hands, demanding they protect him, but they shoved him aside. He was no longer the powerful and wealthy Senator who could get what he wanted with coin; here, he was a prisoner with nothing to his name.

“People of Rome,” The Master of Ceremonies called out, gesturing to a small gate. "I give you the majesty of the Roman people!” A chorus of cheers and celebration roared from the crowd as the gate opened, and an enormous lion emerged, its coat glittering like gold.

Lucia gasped. She had never seen a lion until now, the great beast symbolising Rome’s wisdom, power, courage, domination, and authority. Her blue eyes were glued to the creature as it stalked further into the arena, focusing its hungry gaze on the three men, no doubt smelling the fresh blood. When it roared, Lucia leaned further over the balcony railing, transfixed. A lion was deemed a beast of duality in Rome, spanning from Africa and through to the Mediterranean; they were a ferocious animal that scared even the greatest of warriors when encountered. As the lion drew close to the three men, Crito bolted back to the gladiator’s gate, banging on the doors, begging for someone to save him, earning laughter from the crowd. Even Lucia laughed, a moment of joy finally flooding her system.

“No shit or piss yet.” Caracalla giggled, leaning in close to Lucia, but there was a tone of expectation in his voice, an eagerness to see Crito soil himself. Lucia shared those sentiments. She wanted to see Crito as a feeble mess, shamed under the eyes of the Roman populace.

Behind them, still sitting in her chair, Lucilla’s eyes were glued to her daughter, watching Lucia laugh and cheer on Crito’s suffering. A haunting feeling came over Lucilla, one she hadn’t felt in fifteen years, not since her brother was alive. Seeing her daughter, with raven hair and pale skin, she saw Commodus laughing as he had done back when he had crowned himself Emperor. The notion that Lucia was a visage of Commodus was a troubling thought that had Lucilla afraid for her daughter. It made Lucilla feel violently ill. She pressed the flower harder against the skin of her nose, inhaling deeply, letting the rich notes of lavender calm her senses and distract her mind.

“Now the show truly begins,” Geta spoke with a smile, standing back up and joining his brother and Lucia. He leaned on the balcony, his eyes watching as the lion circled the two guards, craving to sink its teeth into the smaller, bleeding male. The Emperors and Lucia watched as the lion lunged at the men, the more prominent male dodging away, but the smaller was too slow, the lion biting and ripping into his calf. His scream of agony echoed through the Colosseum, and the crowd cheered. The more prominent man struck at the lion, trying to save his friend, yet it turned the beast’s attention onto him. Angered, the lion chased him around in circles, never tiring until it had taken down its prey. There were louder cries of joy from the crowd as the lion pounced, crashing the man down onto the arena floor with the weight of its body and its jaw ripping into the man’s throat. He couldn’t scream as the blood filled his throat and lungs, making him choke.

The lion lay there, ripping into the flesh repeatedly to enjoy its well-won meal, but there was still one more target left in the arena. Crito was huddled against the massive gate, trembling from fear and unable to move while staring at the lion that was too focused on eating.

“Kill him…” Lucia hissed lowly, her fingertips gripping onto the balcony, her knuckles turning white. She wanted the lion to forget the fallen guards, to turn its attention to the disgraced Senator and claw into his flesh and leave him a mangled mess.

“Patience,” Geta smirked, his eyes flicking down to the other trap doors around the arena walls, knowing that a dart blower would strike, angering the beast and causing it to seek out the one that had attacked it. It had happened fast, the lion releasing a startled roar as it jumped to its paws, its head darting around to catch what dared assault it, only for its eyes to land on Crito. He banged harder on the doors, begging for someone to save him. The sight was pitiful. Crito was a powerful Senator of Rome only days ago, and now he was a weak and scared little man.

Lucia smiled wickedly as the lion stalked closer and closer, its hungry and aggressive eyes on Crito’s back. And then it launched, its claws digging through the rough fabric of his tunic like a ship cutting through the water. Crito howled in pain, spinning to face the beasts with his measly sword outstretched, clearly not knowing how to wield a weapon, as the lion struck again, tearing into his front and pulling him down to the floor, biting into his chest. Crito continued to scream out as his stomach was ripped open, his cries turning to gurgles as blood filled his lungs.

“Extraordinary!” Geta cheered, laughing with his twin. His eyes flicked to Lucia, proud that she didn’t flinch away from the gruesome sight. Her eyes were wide with excitement, and she laughed with the twins. She had her vengeance, witnessed by all of Rome.

Colosseum - Rome 195AD

It had been a risky endeavour to sneak into the bowels of the Colosseum, seeking out the space where the dead were kept. The chambers smelled of death and decay, the rotting iron of blood lingering in the air. The workers in the room spared a glance up at Lucia as she entered the room. They paused at the sight of her, not expecting the Roman princess to be where they kept the dead. Bodies of fallen gladiators and prisoners were brought here to be prepared before being taken away, to be either cremated or thrown into a mass grave.

When Lucia spotted Crito’s mangled body, half torn open from where the lion ripped into his flesh, she was emotionless at the view, not even her stomach turning sour at the blood and gore.

“Domina…” One of the workers addressed. They knew who she was and who the man on the table was to her. “You’re not meant to be down here…” He side-eyed a colleague, who was currently stripping the body of one of the soldiers who’d sold Lucia’s protection of the armour he wore. The first worker wasn’t sure if he needed to summon a guard to escort the princess away.

“I needed to see him, to know he is dead,” Lucia said, stepping closer. She gazed down at Crito’s corpse, the face still twisted in terror from the moment of death. There was a weight lifted from her soul at seeing his body, knowing he could never harm her or any other woman ever again. “What will become of his body?” Lucia asked, not looking away from the corpse.

The worker’s brows furrowed. “His body will be displayed outside Palatine Hill as a warning, as per the orders of our Emperors.”

Lucia breathed. It was a final act of humiliation, but it wasn’t enough. “Remove his cock.” She ordered, causing the workers to pause and stare at her. “If he is to be humiliated in death, I want his removed manhood to add to his shame,” Lucia added, turning swiftly and leaving the room, not even bothering to get a confirmation from the worker.

She knew she had to return to the Imperial box to watch the rest of the games, where other prisoners were being let loose into the Colosseum, fighting for their chance at freedom within the arena to become gladiators rather than slaves. Lucia had seen enough for today, for she had seen what she had come to see. Returning to the sealed Basterna yard, Lucia ignored the confused stares of soldiers and slaves. They knew more matches were taking place in the arena and could hear the crowd cheering, yet she was here.

“I wish to return to the Palace.” She ordered, not even waiting for the guards or slaves to respond. Two slaves rushed to her side, aiding her into the Basterna, knowing it was better to act now than face punishment later.

Lucia sat back in her seat, her gaze hardened. While the joy she had felt watching Crito and the guard perish had been the first bit of happiness she had felt in days, it had been short-lived. She felt empty again, void of the merriment she had before her attack. Her mind was filled with the crude words of the Senators, who had chosen today to make a stake on her hand in marriage. It made her sick that with everything that was happening to her, they still only desired to fuck her and put their son in her womb.

Her hand rested over her flat stomach, and Lucia scowled. Lucia was done, done with the rich and pompous Senators, done with cruel Emperors, and done with Rome. The plan was already forming in her mind of the risk she had to take, but she knew if she didn’t, her life would be at the Gods' mercy. Lucia would head north, into Germania or Samatia, escaping the Roman Empire. She would leave her mother behind, blaming Lucilla for cursing her for such an ill fate. Lucia should have gone fifteen years ago with her brother, Lucius, to vanish into the world beyond Rome and never be seen again. Death was a far kinder fate.

@barcelonaloverf1life @quuinyoung @justnobodynothingmore @sarai-ibn-la-ahad

[xieyaohuan]

"Come" for the WIP meme.

Thank you for the ask!

Here's two excerpts from another Maevlander WIP (which you sent an ask for years ago), in which Homelander is sick and Maeve has to take care of him:

"I never said I was going to die," Homelander snarls. "But this is no cold. What, you think I can't tell the difference? I don't think I can even get the cold," he adds. Of course he can't accept that something so mundane as the common cold could have any effect on him. Maeve shrugs. "I gotta go." She's got a dinner with Butcher. He grabs her by the wrist so hard it hurts. "Stay." It comes out as a command, but also needier and more desperate than usual.

And, from the same WIP:

"Wouldn't hurt to be a little more gentle," Homelander whines. "100.3," Maeve reads. "That thing is broken." "Right." There's no point in arguing with Homelander today, so Maeve tries a different strategy. She pulls out her phone and texts Stuck at work. Will make it up to you. Butcher will be sour about her blowing him off for a day or two, and then he'll come crawling back to her.

From the unpublished Ravishing a God sequel:

Homelander has been hinting it’s what he wants, though who knows with this cunt, really. He can be so vague, especially when it comes to stuff he does or doesn’t like. For all his talk about doing whatever the fuck he wants, it’s almost like Vought has bred the ability to ask for what he wants in any meaningful way right out of him. Then again, Billy Butcher isn’t one to talk when it comes to communication. Anyway, he is stuck with this vague cunt, so the best he can do is guess.

From the same WIP:

“What did I do?” Homelander says, annoyed. “You tell us,” Billy says. He’s genuinely curious if Homelander knows what’s annoyed Maeve. It’s a 50/50 from where he stands, and another 50/50 that he’ll actually come out and say it if even if he does. “Looks like we’re going to have to jog your memory.”

From All God's Children Took Their Toll, Chapter 8:

The kid is watching her, trying to gauge if she’s serious or not, before finally slumping back in his chair, defeated. “Let me get this straight. You come here to ask me to do something impossible. And now you’re telling me if I can’t find a way, you’re going to have me killed by that psycho boyfriend of yours?” “Yes,” Annie says. “That’s what I’m saying. Either you find a way, or I’ll tell Homelander what you did. You know what he’ll do.”

From the same chapter:

“He’s not doing any interrogating,” Annie points out. That’s true enough. Butcher cleans him, shaves him, holds the bucket for him, even feeds him some of that bland instant noodle soup everybody in the basement has come to detest with a passion because it constitutes 90% of their meals now. Still, they got more info than MM expected this way.

From All God's Children Took Their Toll, Chapter 9:

He’s crying out for that Stillwell bitch to come and save him. When he starts crying for Maeve, Butcher has had enough. “Cut it out. The fuck is wrong with you? You do know that if Maeve were here, she’d be shoving you in there the hardest, right? She fucking hates you, she wants you dead, alright. Everybody wants you fuckin' dead.”

And two 'comes' in this crackfic in which Homelander suggests to Ashley that Vought should pimp him out because that's what the people want:

“I’ve had a thought I want to run by you,” he says, turning around now, smiling. To an outsider, that smile would look endearing. Ashley knows better though. She doesn’t like it when a conversation starts like this. No, strike that, she doesn’t like it when Homelander starts a conversation with her, period. “You know what the people in this City want?” He adds a short pause for the effect before announcing: “Me! They want me, Ashley.” She nods, unsure where this is going; with Homelander, she can never tell until it’s too late. “So, I’ve been thinking, why not give the people what they want?” He’s looking at her with that expectant look she’s come to dread. “You want to meet your fans, Sir?” “Something like that, yes.” It’s actually not a terrible idea. Coming from Homelander, she’s expected worse. “Sure,” she says absentmindedly, “why not. We could arrange for you to have one on one meetings. I’ll have Doug draw up a tiered pricing plan. Ten minutes, an hour, maybe throw in a lunch or a dinner option?” “People may want more a little more than dinner,” Homelander says, “if you catch my meaning.” He pauses again, and Ashley is beginning to sweat. “Have you seen how they look at me? Men, women, doesn’t matter… they all want me.” Oh God…. Is he saying…? He can’t possibly be suggesting…? “Are, are you joking, Sir?” She blurts out, instantly regretting her words, no, opening her mouth at all, really. She needs to stop opening her mouth around Homelander, it’s not going to end well. The look he gives her sends chills down her spine. She’s going to die today, she just knows it. “Do I look like I’m joking?” Homelander’s voice is low, menacing, any second now, he is going to snap and melt her brain. She’s seen the pictures of Madelyn, it’s ugly, it looks painful, she doesn’t want to die like that. Ashley shakes her head. “No. No, Sir. You do not.” “Alright, let’s start over then, from the beginning.” He’s smiling, feigning patience now, like he’s talking to a small child. “Do you understand what the plan is?” This has got to be some kind of trap. “You… you… want me… to… you want us to… you… you want Vought to…” she can’t say the words, she just cannot, he will laser her here and now if she does, and she can’t die today, today is not the day she’ll die. “Come on, Ashley,” Homelander says with mock cheerfulness. “Say it.”

[rezcowgirl]

December. Monday Morning. Okay.

Shiver and smile.

Be born in December. Riiiiight near the end, but not end enough that your parents get a free TV for having the Official New Years baby…Don’t worry about it. Dad will win a huge TV in a prize draw at Safeway. Eventually.  

There’s so much chocolate on sale, and I was born on this day! A month early, colicky as fuck, with a heart technically already broken. (<- Don't worry. Got that confirmed all cleared up when I had those other heart issues that I still have weird scars scars from because the electrodes made my skin melt. Need another 3 day thingy in February. Bleh.)

So, I’ll never be 34 again! Yay!

Once, my friend Unkyo pulled up for a Covid picnic on her bike, carrying 4 pounds of u-pick-it blueberries and an uncharacteristically sour expression. She was really aggravated. I had never seen it on her before. Apparently, she forgot her ID and the staff at a liquor store wouldn't let her buy anything. Her 18-year-old daughter was literally working at an ice-cream shop across the street from the park we were hunkered down in. I laughed and laughed, but she was genuinely annoyed. She was 45 at the time, and I thought it was cute and flattering. 

Obviously, we shared our wine with her. 

It’s fairly notable when I do not get ID’d buying alcohol. I almost always do. I know it’s not a huge flex given that I do not have an 18-year old daughter, but I DO have a fat baby face! I really don’t mind being ID’d - I like saying “I’m 35 :)”, and I wore a fake nose ring for the photo, so I like it.

I did NOT get ID’d on the most recent run. Aries said “Congrats - could it possibly be because there are not many 18 year olds that would be buying Moet & Chandon?”. And yeah. Probably helps. (It’s the ONLY champagne Aries likes…) I somewhat aspire to be ID’d at 45 like Unkyo, but Unkyo is an easy beauty, inside and out, and I am a rotten, crispy husk of a man, so I’m not going to worry too much about meeting this goal. My real goal is to make it to 45 and not die. So far so good!!!

I spent Friday with my old roommate and some other friends I don’t get to see very often and felt all gooey with love again. Wistful? Not quite nostalgic - she is better as a friend than a roommate. To be clear, I was the problem. I need a lot of alone time. It was hard. She forgives me my aforementioned rottenness, and she lives in New York now. I miss her so much, but we both don’t keep in touch because we suck at it. But it means a-lot-a-lot to be able to sit down and be like: “holy shit I love you tell me everything” and it’s not weird. She’s one of those rare always-sweet types, and I always want to protect it. She must not lose it. No no no. We’re having her and her husband over on the 5th, and I’m going to try really hard to NOT ask if they're going to move back to Vancouver...

Saturday we hopped around to different cocktail lounges, and I think we met some kind of trickster god. We were at our third stop, and we ended up being seated outside, which apparently most people turn down, but it was amazing. We had our own fire, we got complimentary cider, and we could converse without yelling. I wanted Aries to take some photos of us, so he did. But lurking nearby was this very friendly and relatively drunk guy, obviously also bar hopping and waiting to get in. He said “no, no, stop, you can sit down, I’ll take the photos from here”, so Aries handed my phone over and he took about 15 photos for us.

They’re basically all unsalvageable. In every single one, something is fucked up. Someone is mid-blink so their eyes are closed, but there’s still the ghost of a pupil overlaid over the eyelid, making it SUPER creepy. Or someone moved, so their face looks long. There’s one where Aries has one eye open and the other closed? There’s one photo of Ali that does not look like her at all?? It’s not like we’re all blurry in them. There’s just at least one person fucking up in each of them. I am perplexed and impressed, and now I have all these laughably terrible photos from my birthday pub crawl. But I love them anyway.

Here are the last pieces of 34. I found heart stickers on a walk. I'll stick one in my 2025 planner, and one on the wall of a goth night bathroom.

[klaissance]

Do you have any dad klance headcannons?

Thank you so much for asking dear sweet asker I appreciate you so much. I actually,,, lowkey don't? Dad!Klance is not something I think about that much, I think bc as a teenage girl in my 20s I am not in a parent/family space that often BUT FOR YOU IMMA TRY HERE WE GO:

for starters I think they're really good at it let's get that straight from the jump

Lance always wanted to be a parent I think--comes from a big family, has watched his siblings become parents, is obsessed with his cool uncle status, has always seen parenthood ahead as something to look forward to

Keith is the opposite, never in a million bazillion years thought that was in the cards for him

he's gay so that came with its own list of things to be worried about that would be difficult in terms of, like, acquiring a child, plus he just sort of had a shitty time as a kid, has a funny relationship with the words "parent" and "dad" and hasn't had the time to hash that out with a therapist because he's been in space

really truly Keith is a feral desert child and when presented with the thought of turning a small being into an adult suitable for society his brain shorts out

...until they get together

actually, both of them flip on this while they're in space OKAY NOW WE'RE COOKING

Lance, my poor sweet darling prince, is a little less sold on children. He grows up hard and fast and violent in the intergalactic war they're thrust into, sees terrible things happen to good people all over the place, sees kids left parentless and parents lose a child, sees himself nearly die more times than he can count (oop that one time he did die lol), and suddenly the idea of kids in the future isn't tinted golden and sparkling with the memories of his childhood. He's an adult and anything could happen and it's terrifying and hard and he knows he loves what he does--loves helping people, loves interacting with children, wants to teach or something later for sure maybe--but the actual parenting is soured by the thought of his mom back home thinking her son is dead and not even having the closure of a burial or anything. He learns that nothing is certain in the way he used to think it was, and stops expecting specific things for his future

Klance gets together [how?? girls idk any infinite number of ways that is every post I'll ever make until the end of time but not this one--trust though it was juicy] and they stay together while they're fighting the space war, and slowly and then all at once Keith "Lone Wolf" "Not A Family Man" "Feral Desert Orphan" "Kids What Are Those" Kogane is, like,,,, thinking about his life and his future beyond like,,, the next hour,,, and is imagining kids in the picture??? trust it shocks him too

This actually is a version of their relationship that I really like thinking about! Lance pivots on all of his hopes and dreams that he'd had all his life about certain milestones for things--marriage, kids, the white picket fence and all that jazz--and throws it all out the window. Because piloting magical sentient lions in a space war is fucking crazy and life is nothing like what he thought and what is important to him reshapes; it isn't the milestones it is the feelings they represent, the security and companionship he is seeking, the fulfillment he can find from interacting with others in different ways. Keith is the opposite; he never thought any of the milestones were important because he assumed they were for other, non-broken people. People--not him--who could have nice things like spouses and houses and children to raise in their image or whatever. And to make a long and introspective story short he gets to hold Lance's hand and suddenly all of those nice things are back on the table and he gets to want them and finds out that he does

I guess this is where it gets fuzzy for me I've seen some things where they space adopt and that's really fun and fresh

Or they wait until they get back to Earth after having the Cool Uncle Era with Lance's nieces and nephews which is my shit i love cool uncle klance

I do think I subscribe to them adopting older children out of the foster system as opposed to however infant adoption works

but any way you slice it Keith is So Pressed About Getting It Right he's reading books he's asking Shiro and then wanting to die because Shiro is So Cringe about his caretaking advice UGH

and Lance is back in a comfy phase about it now that they've decided to do it, regaling Keith when he freaks out with tales of times he and his siblings totally almost died or that crazy shit happened or that his parents did x y z totally sideways--his point being: and look how well it turned out anyway

the important thing is that when they do have children they love them more than anything and demonstrate a positive healthy relationship for them and they try to meet them where they are and also give them opportunities to grow and be happy and therefore it all works out perfect :)

Also as an added bonus here are some of my favorite depictions of dad!Klance for your perusal:

deerstalkerdeathfrisbee's True Love or Something ok these were like my earliest favorite fics ever when I tell you this raised me and reset my brain chemistry I am being so serious. They aren't dadding until later in the series [THIS ONE] but actually the whole thing is so excellent

that,,, actually is the only one coming to mind right now but people SOUND OFF IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE PLS <3 i will return to this post with more if i find any

I hope this was good for you obviously I just stream-of-conscious dumped into the text box but it was super fun to do, if anybody has any other prompting thoughts I would love to ideate more I just,,,, love thinking about them so much,,,, ok everybody have a great day!!

[a-minke-whales-tale]

Shattered World

tw: unreality and delusions or at least most people would think it so

The recent events with work have shattered so much of my worldview. Before things were uncomfortable and a struggle, but things made sense, there was an order to things and I understood my function in it. But now, I do not know.

I believed I belonged to the school in a very literal sense. I belonged to them in the same way as a computer or a piece of machinery. I did not live at the school, I had an enclosure separately, and the humans gave me numbers that would let me buy my fish or materials. But I still belonged to the school. Honestly in a way not so different that is a trope in many magic schools story of a eccentric person who lives at and belongs to the school. I was their animal, and they were my humans, and despite their promises, they unceremoniously shoved me out the door at the side of the motorway, leaving me confused like an abandoned dog.

I do not know when it was I was taken from the sea or what happened, I can only imagine I was very young, I cannot remember the sea beyond when my mother has visited me and shown me the sea, and shown me the current. Perhaps I was plucked from the sea, or perhaps I stranded on the shore, but somehow I ended up in the hands of the humans, and they altered my body significantly. I do not know how they did, but they turned me human. I understood well my function was to be useful to the humans, to be good and do what they wanted, and I tried and still try very hard. The humans, they didn't make me smart, but they made me particularly clever, but only in a narrow range of one or two particular things with basically everything else at various levels of impairment that I do require help to live on my own. They made me very good at rockets and nuclear stuff, put me in a family with a background in rockets and directed my interests in that way. It was not fully clear what my function was, I think though it is to develop these nuclear engines for the humans. That is why they made me. In current times we have AI and supercomputers, but maybe at the time 30 years ago, there was me, and others like me, designed for certain tasks.

But then was I successful, or a failed experiment? I am a very clever animal for what the humans have done to me, but still my body degrades swiftly it seems, and I was broken for many years in hospitals. I can live now outside of one, and even have my own life and be useful for the humans like I was designed for. I believed everything I had was reward from the humans for being good and fulfilling my function, and that they would not tolerate me alive if I was not useful to them.

But now the humans have not kept me, they have discarded me. And at first I believed perhaps I had just been bad. That even my best was not good enough for the humans and so I would have to go away, possibly even go back to the hospital, locked away in a little box like where I belong.

Perhaps though it is not so bad. I must find new humans to serve, but I think perhaps the humans only care so much that I am useful enough to other humans they give me enough numbers to keep my enclosure and get my fish and see the vet when I need. Maybe I am a failed experiment, and I still have many rules to obey, but the humans made me very clever so I can likely find new humans to serve. And perhaps for these new humans I can work less to allow myself to rest more. Perhaps maybe with the extra time I can even continue on my work and fulfil my original function and show I was not a failed experiment.

Sometimes I wonder, the humans that made me, if they still watch me so see my progress, I wonder even if they might read this. If they are happy with their creation, if they cared for me. Am I a failed experiment to them? Am I a mistake, a regret of what they did to a scared and confused calf? A promising success that soured in later years? I have found others like me, some younger some older, like my sweet dolphin friend Sonar. Or something they wait yet to see the final success of their experiment so long ago, if somehow it will work out in the end, or just to find out what I might do in the end.

I read often posts from others with CLCZ, how often our narratives cross over. How many of us believe we were made or something happened to us, and that we exist to serve the humans. I feel so conflicted when I find others, though I am happy to be less alone, that I have found others even just on this little site makes me wonder how many of us this was done to, how many others of us there are.

I still must serve the humans, obey them and the many rules. But perhaps not as wholly as before, in that it does not matter what humans I serve. I think to my mother coming to find me and remind me what I am, to give me my shifting back even against the humans' will, and to show me the current. I do not think that was without purpose, perhaps a hope for me and with me that I can return home and fix what was done to me. To return to the waters I belong. And if I can make it that I have more time outside of serving the humans, perhaps I can do just that. Swim more, work more on building the suit, until eventually I and hopefully others can return to the water.

[queen-of-writing-bad-things]

Henry Danger Reader Insert | Captain Man x Reader: SEASON 2

Episode 7: Secret Beef

~The Man Cave, (y/n)'s PoV)

I had been waiting for Henry and Ray to return for about half an hour when the kid sent me a quick text saying that our plans to go out for Chinese food were gonna be delayed. Apparently, a news crew had rocked up with stupid Evelyn Hall and all her... feminine assets. I remembered how Ray loved to flirt with her and it turned my mood sour. 

"We have some breaking news. It seems like Captain Man and Kid Danger have captured the Time Jerker. Now, let's go to Evelyn Hall, live at the Swellview Clocktower." I watched Trent Overrunder interrupt his colleague and sighed as Evelyn's pretty profile came on the computer's monitor.

"Thanks, Trent. Captain Man and Kid Danger, can you tell us what happened here?" The woman asked Henry and I could see the Time Jerker struggling behind Ray, who was posing for the camera. Always a showoff.

"We found out that the Time Jerker was--" Henry tried to explain, but Ray interrupted him as he flirted with Evelyn. I felt my jealousy bubbling up in me as I watched him shove the poor kid out of the way and cosied up to her. 

"Hello." He smiled at her, making tears spring up in my eyes. I hated that he couldn't see how I was here, in his home, waiting for him. It hurt me so much that he saw something in her that I hadn't got. Whatever she had, I desperately wanted.

"Hey." Evelyn breathed out dreamily and I could see the way my best friend's devilishly handsome good looks melted her heart. He always had that effect on women, including me and sometimes I couldn't help but feel so damn stupid that I lined myself up to be the next fool. I loved him, but I wasn't going to be another notch on his bedpost or another broken girl chucked out on the street the next morning. I'd die before I became another faceless name on his list of ex-lovers; the friendzone seemed much better.

"So, about an hour ago, I swung in here, swung through that glass and captured that Time Jerker you see right over there," Ray reported, making me scoff. Who was he kidding? I knew Henry had helped out and that he was just begging himself up in front of the gorgeous news reporter. Honestly, he pissed me off sometimes.

"I also participated." I saw Henry lean over and try to get himself onscreen, but I knew it was pointless. When Ray had his sights set on a girl, sadly, he didn't take them off until he had his way with them.

"Well, Captain Man, once again, the city of Swellview owes you a big, fat thank you." Evelyn purred at him, making me feel nauseous. I could never be that seductive with Ray, it just made me feel silly and clumsy with my tongue.

"I also participated!" Henry reiterated, but this time more loudly. Still, they ignored him, poor kid.

"Ehhh, I don't do it for thank yous. But there is something that I want." Ray mentioned, which piqued my interest. If he was about to announce he wanted to take her on a date on national television, I might just puke or faint or both. 

"Sure...anything...uh, I mean, what?" My eyes nearly popped out of my head at how hard I rolled them. At least I tried to be subtle.

"As I'm sure you already know, there's a very special steakhouse here in Swellview, called Montego's." Ohhhhhh, so that's what he was after. I remembered how Ray had banged on and on about that restaurant for months after it opened and despite his status as Swellview's greatest hero, he still hadn't been invited. I had listened to his whining like a good friend and I was well aware of the hype surrounding Montego's. 

I had a friend there who worked in the kitchen as a head chef or something. It was a fancy job, I think, but I had never really asked. They had even wangled me a few free dinners with them about a year ago, not that I had mentioned it to Ray. I didn't want him to be upset that I had tried their award-winning steaks before he did. As I always said: what Ray didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

"Right, I've heard of Montego's." Evelyn's dulcet tones broke me from my daydream and I focused on the interview again.

"Right, well, did you know that you can't get a reservation at that place? You have to be invited by the owner." I chuckled at how petty Ray was being. I mean, the steaks were good, but they weren't worth whining on TV for.

"Anyway, we're really glad that we were able to capture the Time Jerker---" Bless Henry's little cotton socks. He didn't have Ray enormous ego and he was just happy that he had made our city that much safer for its citizens.

"--So to the owner of Montego's restaurant, hey! It's me, Captain Man, guy who keeps the whole city safe." Ray bragged to the owner who was probably watching. Geez, he was so needy.

"You really do." Evelyn praised him, her gaze soft and star-struck like he was a God put on the Earth for us mortals to behold. I wondered if I ever looked at him like that. God, I hope not. How to out myself in one simple step. 

"I like steak. I like it a lot, so...feel free to invite me to your restaurant at Montego's." I snorted as he just came out with it. Well, I suppose if you don't ask, you don't get.

"I also like steak." Henry jumped on the bandwagon, hoping the invitation extended to him too. Maybe if I was lucky, they bring me home a doggy bag.

"I'm Evelyn Hall, single and ready." Okay, that definitely stung, especially when Ray smirked at her and stepped into her personal space.

"Try being ready for like eight years, love. He still doesn't notice." I mumbled to myself as I turned off the computer. I was ready to be swept off my feet, to love and be loved, to give him everything he was looking for. The only questions I had were, would he accept me? Or would I be another Evelyn, Hannah, Grace, Monica, Rebecca or Fiona walking out his door?

~Two weeks later, 3rd person PoV~

(y/n) was supervising Henry and Charlotte as they worked on the supercomputer. They were trawling through the database, memorising each criminal and their details.

"Okay, next criminal." The woman told Charlotte after Henry had scanned the information for a few minutes. 

"They call him Malkov. He steals dogs and then shaves their hair sells it to wig shops." The girl read out, making Henry grimace at the odd man's gross crimes.

"Ugh. Sick weirdo." He grumbled as (y/n) agreed, Yeah, Ray never liked dealing with Malkov.

"Hey, hey! Guys, guys! Hey, hey!" Ray yelled, sprinting down the steps as he returned from his bathroom break. This had been happening for the past two weeks; non-stop interruptions from the large man, who was desperate to get into Montego's.

"For the five hundredth time, no, Ray, that damn restaurant hasn't called you." (y/n) sighed, causing Ray to swat his fists in frustration.

"Dang it!" He cursed as (y/n) put a calming hand on his bicep. She didn't know it, but the simple touch made his heart flutter more in ten seconds than a whole interview with Evelyn Hall did. 

"Dude, if you want steak, let's just go to Backout Steakhouse." Henry reasoned, but Ray rejected the offer with a sour face.

"No! I'm not gonna go to Backout Steakhouse." Ray mocked the restaurant by putting on a phoney Australian accent. He couldn't go there, he wanted to take (y/n) to a classy restaurant at some point and Backout Steakhouse wasn't classy. He need to try out Montego's, then he could take his girl for the meal of her life.

"I wanna go to Montego's!" He whined, making Charlotte roll her eyes.

"Raymond, I want you to sit down, relax and finish your juice, like a good boy." (y/n) took charge of the situation and manoeuvred Ray like a child so he could sit and calm down. He flushed at her nickname for him and hid his red face in his beaker, gulping his cool juice so he could relax.

"Don't you feel better?" (y/n) bent down next to him and smiled up at him kindly.

"Yeah, I do." He told her gently, her smile melting his anger. She looked so perfect when she gazed at him like that and he couldn't stay mad.

"I just don't get it. I said it on the news two weeks ago." Ray carried on looking sadly at the computer as (y/n) connected their hands by holding onto his pinky with her. It was a small connection, but a sweet one.

"I said, feel free to invite me to your restaurant, Mr Montego. He probably heard me say that, you know it!" He ranted, finishing his tirade by placing each hand over (y/n)'s ears and gazing into her eyes intensely, making her breath catch.

"Should I be concerned?" She asked carefully, trying to stop her face from warming up under his palms. However, she didn't have to worry for long since the computer started beeping, indicating they had received a message.

"Maybe that's Montego's!" Ray exclaimed and dashed over to where Charlotte was sat, leaving his stunned friend in a bit of a daze.

"Move, move!" He yanked a protesting Charlotte off the chair and sat down himself.

"Hello, Captain Man hotline, what is it please?" The superhero asked in a polite tone as his friends scowled at his erratic behaviour.

"Hello? I'm calling from the Swellview Home for the Elderly--" A frail voice started, but it wasn't what Ray wanted to hear.

"Dah, you're not Montego's" He snapped and hung up, shocking Henry, who's moral compass was at the forefront of his crime-fighting persona.

"Dude, you can't just hang up on people like that." He scolded his boss who had shrunk back from (y/n)'s glare.

"That could've been an emergency." Charlotte pointed out, making Henry go back to the computer as the hotline rang again.

"Yeah, hi. What's your emergency?" Henry answered, intent on responding properly this time.

"Uh, a man broke in here and stole all our money and our clothing. We're all here naked, can you help us?" The terrified man said, making Ray, Henry, Charlotte and (y/n) think about the situation for a second. Old people and nakedness. Ew. 

"I'm sorry, did you say you were all elderly and naked?" Henry asked tentatively as (y/n) shuddered and leant back into Ray, who crossed his huge arms across her chest.

"Yes." The man on the line confirmed.

"...Sorry, wrong number," Henry said after thinking for a minute. Yeah, he didn't want to deal with wrinkled skin and flabby...things. He'd just stay at home in pure, ignorant bliss.

~Swellview High~

It was a rare occurrence in school that Miss Shapen searched for a student with good news. However, today was just one of those occurrences and Henry was the lucky recipient.

"Henry Hart! Henry Hart! We're looking for you!" She shouted happily as the marching band played behind her. She scoured the halls for the lucky boy, who just so happened to turn the corner as she called his name. He looked at all the fanfare with utter confusion, as the crappy band of kids stopped playing.

"Hi." He greeted his teacher carefully, wondering what all the fuss was about.

"Heyyyyy." She gave him a rare smile, which hinted to Henry that something was up.

"What's up?" He asked Miss Shapen, nerves bubbling in his stomach.

"Henry, three weeks ago, I was injured, lying on the gym floor. But you found me and you pulled that long, rusty, bloody nail right outta my foot." The woman recalled as a crowd began to gather around the teacher and her student.

"Yeah, I remember," Henry said. How could he forget? It was one of the most disgusting moments of his life.

"Well, because of your good deed, I hereby present you with this gift bag because you, Henry Hart, are Student of the Month." She exclaimed and the crowd burst into applause. Well, Henry's day just got brighter.

"Wow, thanks, cool." He smiled at Miss Shapen.

"Well, we wanted--" The teacher was cut off by the loud, offbeat playing of the band and she quickly whipped around and sharply yelled at them to quit it.

"Now, look what's in your bag." She told Henry, who excitedly peeked in the paper bag and pulled out a chain with a dirty nail on it.

"What's this, a necklace?" Henry asked.

"Yeah. That's the nail you pulled out of my foot." Only Miss Shapen would get him a gift like that.

"Oh, yeah. Dried blood." Henry gaged and quickly put the thing back in the bag before he yacked.

"Keep going." She encouraged him, so Henry dug through the tissue paper and pulled out a card.

"A gift card?" He asked, hoping it was something good.

"Yep. That gets you dinner for two at Montego's restaurant!" She revealed, making Henry grin excitedly. This was perfect! Now, Ray could go to Montego's with him and try the steak so he could see if it was a good place to take (y/n). He always felt like if he could impress her, she'd see him as someone on her level and maybe she'd look at him the way he looked at her. If only he saw how she longed for him to do the same.

"No way! How'd you get this?" Henry asked his teacher, bewildered as to how Sherona Shapen had such a prestigious contact.

"Well, the principal's wife is the second cousin of Mr Montego's brother-in-law." She explained the very distant relation, but it didn't matter to Henry. He just cared about how he was going to Montego's!

"Thanks." He smiled at her, but she couldn't help but have an ulterior motive.

"You know, that's, uh, dinner for two. You wanna take me with you?" She asked hopefully, but it was the worst suggestion Henry had ever heard of. Dinner with Miss Shapen? No, thank you!

"No." He answered simply.

"Are ya sure?" She pushed, thinking that he might change his mind.

"Yeah." His direct statement made Sherona walk off with her marching band, leaving Henry to smile at his prize. Boy, he couldn't wait to tell Ray the good news.

~Later that day~

Henry had returned home that afternoon to find a group of people sat in his living room. His parents, Jasper, Charlotte, Piper, even complete strangers were in his house, all bearing gifts to sway Henry to their side. He was utterly puzzled as to why they had all gathered on the couch, there was even a homeless guy called Herb on the end seat.

"So, Henry, we heard that part of your Student of the Month prize was dinner for two at Monetgo's." A neighbour piped up and that was what tipped Henry off when they all acted like they had no idea what she was talking about. They really needed to work on being subtle.

"OH, PLEASE TAKE ME!!" Jasper pleaded with his best friend and his shouting set everyone else off.

"Why would he take you? I'm his best friend." Charlotte argued, setting off a bitter quarrel between the two over who Henry deemed his favourite friend. Not that he did.

"Hey, a boy's best friend is his mother!" Mrs Hart argued, not being above using her motherly relationship to muscle her way into a steak dinner with her son. Mr Hart certainly had something to say about that. So did Herb. In fact, the whole group did and it all descended into an argument that Henry struggled to stay on top of it.

"Hey!" Suddenly, Ray burst through the door with (y/n) on his heels, both of them out of breath from legging it to Henry's house. Ray was desperate to get that dinner place and (y/n) didn't want to miss out on anything.

"Hey, Henry, hi. I just heard about your prize, y'know, oh god." He smiled at his sidekick as (y/n) fanned herself, she and her friend sweating profusely.

"I think I'm having a heart attack." (y/n) wheezed, as her legs burned from sprinting. Unlike Ray, she wasn't a perfectly trim and fit superhero and she hadn't run like that in a while.

"Why are you both wet?" Henry asked them and (y/n) sat on the floor, too tired to give a shit about the neighbours' judgemental stares.

"We're sweating. We just ran nine miles to get here." Ray panted.

"I'm dyingggg." The young woman whined her head in her hands as the nine-mile run caught up with her. It had felt a lot longer than nine miles once she'd gotten past the two-mile mark.

"What's the dog leash for?" Henry pondered, seeing the red leash still in his boss's fist. Only, there was no dog.

"Oh, we were walking a friend's dog. You know how (y/n) loves them and wants one, but we can't keep one." He explained as his breathing started to even out.

"Where's the dog?" Henry asked with a frown on his face.

"I don't know," Ray said, grabbing a kid's glass of water and taking a swig from it before giving the majority to (y/n). She stood up on wobbly legs and leaned against him as he held the glass to her lips. 

"Hey, who are these guys?" A woman holding a lamp and looking the couple up and down asked. Ray leaned back with (y/n) held to his chest as she held the lamp aloft.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Henry calmed everyone's confused whispers and they all fell back into line.

"For those that don't know, this is Ray, my boss at Junk-N-Stuff and this is my co-worker, (y/n). Ray has been dying to go to Montego's for years, so...I'm taking Ray to Montego's." Henry broke the bad news to everyone else as Ray starting jumping in delight.

"Hahahahah. Yeah, baby, who's got the lamp now?" Ray gloated as the crowd grumbled and groaned in disappointment. 

"You do!" (y/n) giggled with him as he pulled her and Henry into side hugs. He couldn't help but think about how she'd answered his rhetoric after he slipped in the "baby" bit and god, it felt so right to imagine actually being able to call her that. If he could just wow her, he might just stand a chance. He might just get to call her baby.

~The next day, Swellview High~

Henry strolled to his locker, feeling pretty good about himself since he'd been on a lucky streak lately. However, when he opened his locker, a confetti cannon exploded in his face and pushed him backwards. Bianca giggled as Henry stumbled back to his feet.

"Happy lockerversary!" She exclaimed after she'd shuffled over to him as quickly as she could in her cutesy flats. 

"I'm sorry, happy what?" Henry asked as politely as he could. What the hell was a lockolerlyversary or whatever?

"Lockerversary." Bianca clarified, thinking the portmanteau was pretty self-explanatory.

"I'm so lost." Henry smiled at her nervously, looking for some help.

"It was six months ago today when you and I first started sharing this locker!" The brunette explained and everything became clear for her boyfriend.

"Ohhhhh, okay." Henry smiled. That made sense.

"Wait, wait, wait. For you!" Bianca held out a mini replica of their locker with a copper-coloured ribbon stuck to the top of it. An odd choice for a good, but it was kind nonetheless. Opening the mini-locker, Henry was shocked again as a mini-confetti cannon exploded in his face. Again.

"But, I feel bad 'cause I didn't get you anything," Henry told her as he put his locker in his locker. Funny.

"Aw, you didn't have to." Bianca smiled, relaxing Henry twisting insides.

"Oh, awesome." He breathed out.

"I mean, what's better than the two of us having dinner together at Montego's?" The girl said happily, but Henry felt anything but happy. 

"Wait, what'd you say?" He asked, a tight smile on his face as he tried not to freak out in front of her.

"You're taking me, right?" Bianca's tone made Henry's stomach drop. How could he tell her he was taking his boss, not her?

"Well, yeah. Duh. I mean, what kind of person wins dinner for two and doesn't invite his girlfriend?" Henry lied, unable to tell her anything else. Ah, geez.

"A terrible person." She confirmed, unknowingly making her boyfriend feel even worse. Did he dare tell Ray?

~Later that day, in the Man Cave~

Henry fell down in the elevator and stumbled out to see his boss sat happily in the middle of the Man Cave at a fancily-clad dining table. (y/n) was sitting at the couch table, her head and arms rest on the back of the couch as she watched as Henry's face crumpled in confusion.

"Hi." Henry greeted tentatively, seeing how Ray smiled brightly at him. 

"Hey, Henry, you wanna join me?" The large man asked as (y/n) rolled her eyes. The whole set-up was weird to her; Ray even had a cardboard cutout of a waiter.

"For what?" The boy asked, puzzled as to what was going on.

"A "rehearsal". He's practising what he's ordering when he goes to Monetgo's. God knows why." She said in a bored tone, ignorant to the fact that this was a setting that Ray fully intended to take her to, once he'd ironed out all the wrinkles. 

"Okay, Ray. I gotta talk--" Henry tried to stop him before Ray could get all excited, but it was too late. (y/n) could see that something wasn't right and she felt a sense of dread at what Henry was trying to say.

"--Uh, yes and I'll have the steak. I'll have the 16-ounce ribeye and I want that medium-rare." Ray pretended that he was in the restaurant and looked at the "waiter" like he was actually taking his order.

"Of course, and would you care for anything else?" He wobbled the cutout and spoke in a silly voice. 

"Yeah, I'll have two more steaks!" Ray laughed at his little joke as Henry's face twitched as he tried to smile. Oh god, this was going to break his heart.

"Oh, Henry. You don't know what this means to me." The superhero thanked his generous sidekick as his best friend came over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Her touch just made his heart shine brighter.

"It's just beef, man." Henry tried to play it all down, but nothing could dampen Ray's spirits. 

"Look, I didn't tell you this but, I've been going through a rough patch lately," Ray confessed to Henry, walking over to the kid and putting his arm around his shoulders. (y/n) gulped as he divulged his feelings to Henry; she hadn't known he'd been feeling bad. Why hadn't he come to her?

"Ah, geez." Henry breathed out as Ray turned to him for support. This was (y/n)'s area of expertise, not his. 

"I've just been feeling so depressed the last couple of months until you invited me to go to Montego's for dinner," Ray told him. He had felt a bit useless recently; he had been having difficulties as Captain Man and had been pining for his girl for too long. His heart yearned for her, but he couldn't gather the courage to ask her out. Montego's was his chance. 

"Well, yeah, but.." Henry stumbled, trying to get the words out, but Ray wouldn't let him.

"Is it okay that I tell you that I think of you as family? You're like the little brother or nephew I never had." Ray cooed, squishing Henry into a hug. Okay, that definitely made (y/n)'s heart soar. Henry was like her little brother/ nephew too and she loved him just as much as Ray did.

"Ray, I can't take you to Montego's!" Henry exploded, his feelings bursting out as the pressure became too much. The young woman behind Ray cringed at what he said, this news would kill Ray.

"What'd you say?" Ray shook his head, thinking he misheard the boy. His stomach dropped as Henry gave him a sympathetic look and (y/n) shuffled closer to the boys timidly, not wanting to flare any tempers.

"I gotta take Bianca. I'm sorry." The boy apologised, but Ray just didn't want to believe him. He'd been dreaming about this for so long.

"Ahhh, you're joking." He smiled at his sidekick, hoping it was all some big prank.

"No..." Henry replied quietly as Ray began to feel a bit sick.

"You're...joke-making." The man continued, praying that if he said it more, it would come true.

"No." Henry reiterated more firmly, looking behind Ray to (y/n) with pleading eyes. If he'd listen to anyone, it would be her.

"You're making a joke." Ray chuckled bitterly, his emotions not being able to process what he was being told.

"Ray, he's not joking." His best friend said as gently as she could, putting a delicate hand on his arm to see if it would ground him.

"He is too. He's telling a terrible, awful, mean joke, but it's all gonna be okay 'cause he's still taking me to Montego's...with you right?" He looked at Henry as he ranted. He daren't look at the glossy-eyed girl next to him, gulping as he thought about how no Montego's meant he'd failed. If he couldn't get into one, measly restaurant, what kind of boyfriend would he be for her? A lousy one, in his mind.

"Ray..." Henry shook his head.

"I said, you are still taking me to Monetgo's with you, right?" He repeated fiercely, his eyes glancing sideways to remind Henry about why he wanted to go to the restaurant in the first place. Not for the steaks anyway.

"Bianca's my girlfriend, I gotta take her." The teen exclaimed, feeling trapped in the situation.

"W-Why?!" Ray yelled as tears sprung up in the corners of his eyes.

"'Cause I do. I'm really sorry." Henry sighed, making Ray deflate as his disappointment reached its peak.

"Okay." He accepted, walking past his little dining table.

"Ray, it's just a steakhouse." (y/n) whispered to him and squeezed his hand, but she didn't know that it was so much more for him. He saw it as a chance to do a boyfriend thing, seeking out a place that she'd like and then building up the courage to take her there. She should've just told him that Montego's was just another restaurant to her. The steak was nice, but she didn't need anything fancy, she only needed him.

"Dude, look. Maybe later, you, (y/n) and I can--" Henry tried to suggest something that would fix the mess, but Ray didn't want to hear it.

"Don't worry about me. I'm fine." He smiled at the boy and sat down on one of the little chairs. (y/n)'s heart ached for him, there had to be a way to get him into that damn restaurant.

"Are you sure?" Henry asked, not really believing him.

"You don't look fine." The young woman interjected, seeing his bloodshot eyes and tense muscles.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He swallowed, but his rage exploded as he picked up his chair and threw it at the cardboard waiter. (y/n) squeaked in surprise and fear as he ripped it to shreds in anger. Seeing him that angry was a rarity. She tiptoed over to Henry and ducked behind him whilst Ray continued his temper tantrum. How was she meant to deal with that?

"Ray..." Henry started in a surprisingly level voice considering the show his boss just put on.

"I'm fine." He replied throatily, his heart turning to water as he saw how (y/n) had recoiled from his splenetic actions. He couldn't bear to see her apprehensive gaze and he felt so stupid and childish that he just walked away. Maybe it was cowardly, but everyone knew he needed a minute to calm down.

Henry sighed as the secret door closed, leaving him alone with (y/n).

"Well, that went horribly." She retorted, unclenching her fist which she hadn't noticed had curled up tightly after Ray's outburst.

"I feel so bad," Henry confessed, his eyes lowered glumly to the floor.

"Look, I know Monetgo's is good, but it's just steak. Trust me, he'll be fine." The woman reassured him, putting both of her hands on his shoulders.

"Yeah, but, what if he hates me?" He worried, thinking about how he could lose his job or worse, his friend.

"All that stuff he said before about how you're family to us, that was true. He doesn't hate you." (y/n) said softly, smiling at the kid who had grown to be like a brother to her.

"Really?" Henry chuckled, suddenly feeling a lot better. She really knew how and when to say the right thing.

"Yeah, totally. And he doesn't have a lot of family left and mine doesn't live in Swellview. Believe me, kid, you're not going anywhere." She ruffled his hair with a giggle and he laughed with her.

"Thanks, (y/n/n)." Henry gave her a quick hug, glancing at his watch as he did so.

"Oh, shoot, I gotta get home." He exclaimed, realising that he had to go home and groom himself for his big dinner with Bianca.

"Better get a move on. Bianca will expect the best." (y/n) teased him as he dashed to the elevator.

"I know!" The boy said over his shoulder.

"And don't worry! I can deal with Ray!" She yelled as the elevator door slid shut and took the boy away. Left alone in the main room, the task ahead of her was daunting.

"I think." She gulped. Looks like she'd have to pull a few strings to make her best friend happy again. After all, she'd do anything to see him smile.

~Later that evening, Montego's restaurant~

Well, it seemed that (y/n)'s scheming hadn't gone quite to plan. Against all her protesting, advice and best efforts to stop him, Ray had convinced Schwoz to put on a wig, dress and makeup and the two of them had arrived at Montego's in disguise. 

Yep, they were masquerading as two teens, Henry and Bianca, and it was safe to say that it wasn't very convincing. Sauntering down the restaurant's steps from the entrance, Ray and Schwoz approached the maître d'hôtel, who looked at them in bewilderment and disapproval. Ray really didn't suit being blond.

"Your names, please?" The formal man. asked politely, maintaining his manners despite his odd guests.

"Uh, yes, I'm Henry, Henry Hart and this is my girlfriend, Bianca...Smathers." Ray lied, swallowing his nerves as Schwoz gave the man a not-at-all charming smile. This wasn't the way he'd dreamed about going to Monetgo's with a girlfriend in tow, that's for sure.

"It's our lockerversary," Schwoz said in a high-pitched voice, the two men not noticing Henry or Bianca coming down the stairs. Oh, shit.

"Ray?" Henry frowned at his boss. He knew he was desperate to come here, but he didn't think he'd try to impersonate him.

"Uh, no, I'm Henry Hart, teenager." The superhero stammered.

"Sir, I'm Henry Hart." His sidekick corrected, irritated that Ray was embarrassing him like this.

"Wait, isn't that your boss from Junk-N-Stuff?" Bianca asked in confusion.

"Yes!" Henry growled.

"No, I'm in ninth grade, dude!" Someone needed to tell Ray that teenagers don't sound like that.

"Pardon me, where's the ladies' room?" Schwoz asked in his "lady" voice, which wasn't fooling anyone. 

"I know you're not a girl." The maître d'hôtel told him, turning the genius's mood sour.

"Prove it," Schwoz growled, thinking he played at being a girl brilliantly. Ray and Henry descended into an argument and they didn't see how they were causing a scene in the middle of the restaurant.

"Okay, let's have some decorum, please!" A soft, but still authoritative voice shouted. Everyone broke apart to see (y/n) trotting down the stairs, the young woman growling at the fighting boys as she folded her arms next to Bianca.

"I'm so sorry, Bernard. Are they causing trouble?" She looked at the host politely, who smiled at her with familiarity. Wait a second, how did she know his name?

"Yes, Miss (y/l/n). They're upsetting my diners." He grumbled, causing (y/n) to sigh. Of course, her friend would be troublesome in the one place she had some refined, sophisticated friends. 

"I'm so sorry, please, let me apologise for their behaviour." She crooned, using her most endearing smile and her best manners to sweeten her acquaintance's mood. 

"Bernard? How do you know him?" Henry asked as Ray silently watched the situation. He noticed that she was nervous and uncomfortable and he wondered what was putting her on edge.

"Miss (y/l/n) has dined with us many times. She is our head chef's personal guest." The host butted in, making Henry, Ray, Schwoz and Bianca look at her in shock. She had been before and not said anything?

"I mean, many times is a bit excessive." She nervously laughed as Ray stepped towards her.

"You know the chef and you've been here before? You—you never told me..." He looked at her in hurt, making her feel like the bad guy. She didn't want him to react like he was reacting now, she didn't keep the secret to be nasty or malicious. It just seemed better to day nothing at all. 

"Why are they here pretending to be us?" Bianca piped up, her confusion bubbling over.

"Why are you here pretending to be us?" Schwoz shot the question back to her as (y/n) looked away from her best friend and rubbed her eyes. She couldn't cry in public. He just focused on winning the argument since he was too deep now to quit. Although, he was desperate to see this chef that had beaten him to the chase.

"Stop it!" Henry scolded them as they picked on his girlfriend. This was all getting too complicated for him.

"Look, they did this 'cause... Ray's been, like, dying to come to this restaurant for years." Henry said, looking over his shoulder at his boss who bashfully avoided eye contact. 

"Well, now I feel all bad," Bianca said sadly and (y/n) could relate to that. She was wracking her brain for a way to make it up to the man she loved.

"No, you shouldn't." Her boyfriend replied, hating that he had put her in this situation.

"But I'm not even into steak," Bianca revealed slowly.

"What?!" Ray cried in disbelief and disgust. She came to a steakhouse but didn't like steak? What was wrong with the girl?

"The chicken's pretty good here too." (y/n) told him in an attempt to build a bridge, but it didn't really work out.

"Oh, no, no, no, no!" He whined and stomped his feet around the foyer, behaving like a spoilt child, which disheartened (y/n) and irritated Henry.

"Ray, you're embarrassing me." He hissed at his boss, eyeing the way the young woman next to Bianca fiddle with her bag's strap as she lost herself in melancholic thought.

"Oh, I'm embarrassing you?" Ray scoffed, ignorant of how his selfish behaviour was affecting those who loved him most.

"Yes!" Henry snapped, having had enough of his brattish actions.

"Or is it your chicken-loving girlfriend there?" Oh, that crossed a line and (y/n) decided that she wasn't going to let him bully poor Bianca just because he was jealous.

"No, it's definitely you, Raymond." She hissed, shocking Ray with her harsh tone. Bernard, Schwoz and Bianca looked on awkwardly as Henry and (y/n) tried to sort things out.

"Ray, please go home." The boy pleaded, grabbing his boss by the elbow and leading him to the stairs.

"I promise I'll make this up to you." (y/n) swore, hoping the sincerity in her voice would convince him that she was unbelievably sorry for keeping the truth from him.

"Bianca and I--" Henry started as the woman's words edged Ray towards the exit, but his girlfriend butted in.

"No, it's okay. Seriously, I don't care that much about eating here and your boss really does so, have dinner with him." Bianca said graciously, her kindness melting everyone's anger. What a sweet girl.

"You sure?" Henry looked at her in shock.

"Sure she's sure! That's what sure people look like!" Ray squealed in happiness.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Bianca giggled at his antics and returned the gift card. She wasn't one for fancy restaurants anyway.

"Alright, man. Looks like we're having dinner here together." Henry told his boss with a grin, making him jump a little in excitement. He even gave (y/n) a grin and brief side hug. She was beyond relieved that his anger was fleeting.

"Me too?" Schwoz asked hopefully, but he had no chance of eating with them.

"The reservation is only for two." The maître d'hôtel clarified, making the little man contemplate his situation. He had nothing to lose so...

"Look, balloons!" He shouted and used the opportunity to run into the dining area and steal a steak before running out. The sneaky little...

"Hey, come back here!" A deep masculine voice called from the dining area and an alarmingly handsome chef ran into the lobby. Oh, god.

"Well, well, well, I thought that you'd be here if there was trouble, (y/n) (y/l/n)." The chef spoke smoothly, his sudden appearance making (y/n) tense. He wasn't a bad person, just not someone she felt would integrate well with her closest friends.

"Hello, Jesse." She smiled warmly, stepping forwards to give him a quick hug that in Ray's eyes, lasted forever. His mouth turned dry and his face paled as this...guy took his girl into his arms and pressed his cheek into her shoulder, just like he did. His heart broke at how she seemed to fit into another man's arms so easily, a chef's no less. The chef at Montego's, the place he couldn't get into despite him being Captain Man. He felt so inferior, so unworthy, it just hurt so bad. 

"You and your friends making all the ruckus out here? I could hear you lot in the kitchen." Jesse chuckled as his friend playfully hit his arm, not realising that the movement was like a stab to Ray's heart. She hit him like that, it wasn't special like it seemed and that made him feel...small. 

"Yeah, this is Henry, Bianca, Schwoz and...Ray." She introduced them all, feeling nervous as she came to her protector. Jesse knew all about her love for him and she was praying he didn't say anything revealing or humiliating.

"Ah, the famous Ray Manchester. Pleased to meet you, man. (y/n)'s told me all about you." Jesse extended his hand for him to shake, the twinkle in his eye stemming from his amusement at finally meeting the man his friend had gushed about. The man who outshone all other guys in her eyes, the man she wanted so desperately but thought she could never have. 

"Nice to meet you too, Jesse," Ray said curtly. He really didn't want to exchange niceties with the man who had taken his sweet girl on several dates to the restaurant he wanted to take her to. It felt like he was being mocked for being too late, Jesse had taken her heart before he could even make his move. 

"Gentlemen, your table is ready." Bernard interrupted the tense moment as he tucked two menus under his arm. He really knew how to pick his moments.

"Ray, come on." Henry tugged on his boss's sleeve, hoping to avoid a fistfight between the two men since Ray had clearly labelled Jesse as a rival. Not that he actually had anything to worry about.

"You eating here tonight?" The handsome man smiled at Ray, clearly not bothered by the way the other man was brushing him off and acting tough. Jesse knew he didn't stand a chance against Ray, (y/n) had been chasing him for years and had no intention of stopping now. Not that he wanted to chase her, he saw her as a little sister.

"Yeah, we better go sit down." The superhero mustered all his manners to force out the sentence and allowed Henry to lead him away, but not before he heard the other man bid his best friend goodbye.

"I gotta get back to the kitchen. See ya later, sugar," Jesse said charmingly, which made Ray's blood boil and his stomach drop. Someone else had a pet name for her? He felt less and less important to her as each second revealed something new. How had he never seen this coming? Why hadn't she mentioned him? Had he kissed her—or worse? What did Jesse have that he didn't?

Why did she love him when he'd been waiting all along? 

~10 minutes later~

"Dude, let it go, he's just a friend," Henry told Ray as a waiter placed some warm bread rolls in front of them.

"How do you know that? He hugged her and called her...a gross thing. What if she's dating him or if she likes him? God, I want her to be happy but not with that asshole. She's way too good for him..." The large man grumbled and ranted, his stomach still twisted in a jealous worry from (y/n)'s interactions with the head chef. 

"Whoa, man, calm down. I just know that (y/n) doesn't see him that way." Henry insisted, trying to explain that the woman in question never looked at any other guys romantically. She had everything she wanted in Ray, but Henry couldn't tell him that; it would break every promise he'd ever made with her.

"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, you feel that? You feel that warm bread?" Ray diverted the topic. He didn't want to think about Jesse kissing and holding his girl anymore, he just wanted to drown his sorrows in a damn good meal before he was put off his meal. 

"This is how bread should feel." Henry agreed, dropping the topic of Ray's jealously. For now.

'Right! Okay, ready?" The man asked, lining up his bread for tasting.

"Yeah." Henry nodded and they both took a bite out of their warm bread, the exquisite taste making them fall back with pleased groans.

"Hey, after we finish our steaks what do you wanna get for dessert? I think we should get more steak." Ray suggested, thinking that he might as well eat until he exploded since there was no point in him coming back here. The restaurant wasn't that special to him or (y/n) anymore.

"You want steaks for dessert?" The teen looked at him weirdly.

"What would you rather have? The chicken?" Ray teased, still not above poking fun at Henry's girlfriend.

"Okay, don't make fun of Bianca. She gave up her dinner for you." He said defensively. If he wanted, two could play at the girlfriend mocking game.

"I know! So stupid!" Ray giggled, irritating Henry further.

"I could just march to the kitchen and set (y/n) and Jesse up on a date, what'd you think about that?" Henry snapped, ceasing Ray's laughing. Okay, that was a bit mean but it worked. Ray couldn't bear the thought of his girl in another's arms, even if she chose them and not him. The heartache to have her was too much. 

"Hey, that's not fair!" The large man whined, his heart twinging again at the thought of that stupid chef holding (y/n)'s hand over a table or feeding her pasta.

"Dude, I don't get how you can just--" Henry's reprimand was cut off by Ray shushing him as two people behind his sidekick caught his eye.

"What?" Henry asked, wondering what the superhero had seen.

"Okay, you remember two weeks ago, the robbery at that jewellery store?" Ray recalled.

"The robbers who stole that jewellery?" Well, that was a dumb question.

"Yeah. Their names are...(y/n) saved it somewhere...Ert Landers and Bernie Caldwell. They're right over there." Ray said, scrolling through the list of criminals his helper had downloaded onto his phone.

"For real?" Henry spluttered and gulped when the man gave him a sharp nod. Deciding that he had to see this for himself, Henry picked up his fork and "accidentally" dropped it on the floor. Turning around to pick it up, Henry got a good look at the two men sat at the table behind them and knew that it was definitely the two criminals.

"That is Ert and Bernie!" Henry confirmed, dropping his cutlery back on the table. 

"I know. Punks! Hey, they're about to leave." Ray gasped as the men threw down a couple hundred dollars to pay for their meal.

"Well, that's our cue," Henry smirked and took out his gum tube, but his actions were slowed as he noticed Ray's slow, hesitant movements.

"Pop a gumball." The kid instructed, making his boss squirm in thought.

"But I haven't had my steak yet." He mewled, wanting to eat first then fight.

"They're criminals," Henry stated firmly.

"But I wanted my steak!" Ray whined, his childish side coming out again.

"Ray, pop a gumball in your mouth right now, or I'll call (y/n)." The boy threatened, knowing that the mention of the young woman would kick Ray's butt into action. And it did. Standing up together, they rounded the corner so they could transform away from prying eyes, just as a red-shirted waiter place their dinner on the table. Hoping to get a small nibble, Ray briskly walked back to the table and tried to take a bite, but Henry pulled him back to his duty. It was hero time.

Just as Ert and Bernie were standing up to leave, Captain Man and Kid Danger stood in the entrance arch, blocking their exit. 

"Hey, Ert."

"And Bernie." Ray and then Henry quipped as the robbers paled at the sight of Swellview's greatest crime fighters.

"Aw, man." One of them groaned, knowing that they probably wouldn't get away from this.

"That's aw, Captain Man! Now, can you count from one to bam?" Ray asked them confidently, cracking his knuckles in preparation for a fight.

"I'll try. One---" Ert started to count, not realising what Ray was doing.

"Bam!" The superhero smashed his fist into the. criminal's face, sending him flying across a table as Henry swung at Bert. The diners looked on in horror as Bert tried to whack Kid Danger with a chair, thank god the kid was too quick for him.

Tackling him to the floor, Henry slapped his criminal with a piece of meat as Captain Man sat down to eat his steak whilst Ert groaned in pain. However, he couldn't cut through it quick enough, Ert was back on his feet before he could even savour a morsel.

Seeing that he had no choice but to fight, Ray ditched his knife and fork and gave Ert another punch to the jaw. He tried to eat another person's steak, but the criminal kept getting back up. Henry dusted himself off as he left Bernie on the floor and picked up a large pepper grinder from a table.

"Care for some fresh pepper?" He asked sarcastically before smacking the man on the head with it and grinding some of the burning granules into his eyes. Ouch. Seeing that Ert had his legs around Ray's neck, Kid Danger skidded over and freed his boss.

"Watch out!" Captain Man shouted at his sidekick as Bernie came over with the pepper grinder. Stopping him in his tracks, Henry twisted the man's arm around and then whacked him several times in the nose. As Ert rubbed his eyes, Ray grabbed a painting off the wall and cracked it over his skull, the canvas tearing from the blunt force. With a final show of his superhero strength, Captain Man pushed Ert into the wall, the guy collapsing in agony.

""I'd say that was a job...well done." Ray giggled with Henry as two cops arrived on the scene and took the criminals away.

"Take him away, boys. And now, some cow." Ray smirked at Henry and the two of them returned to their table, fully intending to finish their meals. But...

"Excuse me, Captain Man and Kid Danger." Bernard the host said as he stood next to their table.

"Uh-huh?"

"What's up, big guy?" The two superheroes asked nonchalantly, not seeing that they had a major problem.

"I'm sorry, but your names aren't on our dinner list and you can't eat here without an invitation." He told them, stopping their cutting as they stammered. They screamed in protest as a waiter came over and dumped their dinners into a bowl and took it away.

"WHY?" Looks like they were going steakless tonight.

~Back in the Man Cave~

Schwoz was sat at the couch table, reading a random magazine as he waited for Henry and Ray to return. (y/n) had gone out about fifteen minutes before, intent on seeking a way to brighten up Ray's crappy evening. The man in question and his sidekick came down the tubes with grumpy faces, feeling like they'd been cheated out of their food.

"Hi. How were your steaks?" The genius asked kindly, unknowingly rubbing salt into their wounds.

"You better shut your mouth, Schwoz, you better shut your dirty mouth," Ray growled as he walked across the Man Cave. 

"Geez!" Schwoz recoiled at his mean words as Ray sat down at the computer and rubbed his forehead tiredly. He needed his happy girl, where was she?

"Why are you still wearing that dress?" Henry looked at the little guy with a confused expression.

"Cause, it's so comfortable and I like how the cool air blows up in here." Schwoz shook his hips and twirled around so the skirt fanned out. 

"Hey, you wanna go to Backout Steakhouse?" Henry asked his boss, who was exceedingly moody since he'd been robbed of a steak dinner and didn't have his girl nearby.

"No, I wanna go to Montego's!" He snapped in a tetchy voice.

"Schwoz, where's (y/n)? He's being moody again." He called to the small man at the couch, but he just shrugged in response.

"She's not here. She went out." He replied dryly as he flicked through the magazine again, his words making Ray groan again. She was probably out being wooed by that dumb Jesse guy knowing his luck. Shit, why did that idea hurt so much?

"We can't get steak from Monetgo's." Henry reminded him, thinking about how he would now have to handle this child trapped in a man's body.

"W-what is that? Is that? Do you know what this is?" Ray gasped all of sudden and plucked a piece of meat from Henry's tunic. 

"Steak." The boy answered obviously, not seeing the correlation or importance of one tiny bite of meat. 

"From Montego's!" Ray squealed as he held the precious piece between his index finger and thumb.

"Whoa, it must've fallen down here when we were fighting Ert and Bernie." Henry smiled as he remembered being covered in a load of food.

"I know! Can I have it?" Ray asked the boy after sniffing the savoury meat and loving its smoky scent.

"Can we split it?" Henry asked back, knowing that a fifty-fifty split would be fair. Ray stared at him intensely as he contemplated his proposal. Maybe it would work.

~~

With the cardboard waiter taped back together, Ray and Henry sat down at the little table again. With the chunk of steak cut in half, Ray served them both a slice, the whole situation feeling cutely depressing.

Skewering each piece with their forks, Henry and Ray took a moment to examine their tiny mouthful with a magnifying glass. They chinked their cutlery and ate their steak cubes. Damn, that was good steak, well, it was while it lasted. 

"Wanna go to Backout Steakhouse?" Henry reiterated his question from earlier as the moment was over all too quickly. Yeah, it tasted amazing, but he was hardly satisfied after some a meagre chunk, he just wanted food now. 

"Yeah, I guess." Ray sighed and the two stood up to go to the elevator. A crap steak was better than no steak, right? 

However, the elevator door slid open before they could even press the button and a rosy-cheeked woman stepped out: (y/n).

"Hey, guys." She greeted them in a slightly breathless voice, her energy being sapped by the numerous, heavy bags of takeout food she had walked home with. Well, well, well, what did she have there?

"Hey, what you got there?" Henry asked in confusion whilst Ray stepped forward to take the bags off her. She chuckled slightly as her best friend took the bags to the table and peeked inside, her laughter increasing as he recognised the logo printed on the takeout cartons.

"It's—it's food...from Montego's." He stuttered out and snapped his gaze to his flushed best friend. Did she get food for him? How? 

"What? For real?" Henry gasped and dashed over to look in the bags himself, exclaiming in delight as his boss pulled out several boxes of steak dinners with perfect fillets and all the trimmings to boot. Ray couldn't believe it, after all his brattiness, she'd spent her own money on what looked like a very expensive round of takeout, just for him and her friends. Sweet girl...

"I didn't know Montego's did takeout." Schwoz frowned as he was given his food, everyone's hearts fluttering when they saw how she'd gone above and beyond just to make them smile.

"They don't." Ray breathed out, making the young woman nervously scratch the back of her neck. This shouldn't have been possible, no one got the leftovers from the restaurant, not even those who offered to pay for it. Doggie bags were so common and distasteful, plus, some unscrupulous people might sell their leftovers on for a profit—that's just how popular Montego's was. 

"Well, I had to pull a few strings with Jesse, but luckily, a lot of food wasn't served after Captain Man and Kid Danger had a brawl in the restaurant. So, he gave most of it to me." She smiled, Ray gulping slightly at the mention of him. He wasn't sure if he wanted to eat something from that guy and he shuddered at the thought of (y/n) seeing him again. 

"And the easy clean up meant that he could go home to Angela early, so it's a win-win for everyone." She added on the end, freezing Ray's inner panic. She couldn't mean...could she?

"Angela?" He asked in a small voice whilst Henry plated up all the food with Schwoz. He figured it was best for (y/n) to explain everything jow so they could fall back into being all loved-up and gross.

"Yeah, Angela. I went to school with her. She's Jesse's finacée, that's how I know him--" She was cut off when the superhero dragged her into a tight hug, his arms returning to their natural home around her waist.

"Sweet girl, I'm sorry for being so damn horrible earlier." He mumbled into her neck, feeling so stupid that he had judged her friend before he knew him. He couldn't help it; in his view, every man could see how perfect she was and that terrified him.

"You were pretty grumpy. But I know you and I know that you were just upset." She replied quietly, burying her fingers into his soft hair. She loved being in his embrace, it just felt like home.

"And I'm sorry for not telling you the truth about me going to Montego's." The young woman apologised too, her chest feeling so much lighter now they'd aired their grievances. 

"You don't need to apologise." He reassured her as they pulled with gentle smiles on their faces.

"Do you want some steak?" She asked him in a cheeky tone, her tongue poking out to wet her lips, making Ray burn with desire. He had lost count of the times he'd dreamt of tasting those lips and exploring the depth of her. God, he was sure no man would ever love her and take his time with her the way he would. She was a goddess and she deserved to be worshipped.

"Of course." He answered calmly, letting her lead him to the table where the hot food was plated and ready to be eaten. He couldn't help but smile at the scene. 

She was the heart of his little family: Charlotte, his little sister, his friend, Schwoz, his little brother, Henry, and his love, (y/n). She was the centre of everything he had built and everything he adored, she just didn't know it yet.

[cromulentbookreview]

Friendly Neighborhood Pfennigeist

*wakes up*

*looks around*

Oooh, so *that's* why I didn't post anything in 2024. Makes sense. The world is on fire, my nation's democracy is dying, and everything is terrible and horrible and the worst.

But we still have books!

For now.

You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

That's right, it's time for: Holy Terrors!!

Margaret Owen's Little Thieves trilogy has to be up there among my favorite series to ever exist...ever. It features everything I like: realistic, messy characters, Germanic mythology, kittens...and while I was elated to receive an eARC of Holy Terrors, it was also October of 2024 and I swore I'd write a review straight away and then. Uh. Some stuff happened.

The stuff:

That, only, it's democracy.

So it's been a little hard to write anything while watching my home transform into a fascist state, but still. If anything brings me joy, it's the world of Little Thieves. So, let's hop to it.

It's been almost two years since the events of Painted Devils and Vanja and Emeric's relationship has been irrevocably broken. From Emeric's perspective, Vanja left him high and dry in the middle of the night, which, to be fair, she totally did. From Vanja's perspective, she's doing what's best for Emeric - he can't advance as a prefect with a felon for a girlfriend; she would be used against him at every turn. So, Vanja left. She totally wasn't just running from her problems or anything, or repeating the cycle of abandonment her mother started or anything.

And, if you're wondering what happened during that time between Painted Devils and Holy Terrors, go read The Fallow Year. It's on Archive of our Own, It's excellent and worth a read. Go on, read it, I'll wait.

...

...did you read it? Ok, good, you're all caught up. Hurray! Anyway.

Vanja has been....well, kind of OK. She's continued her work as the Pfennigeist, using her fortune in rubies to help those exploited by the powerful. She's formed a close relationship with her siblings, and no longer goes by Vanja Schmidt - she's Vanja Ros. Vanja has even repaired her relationship with her godmothers, Death and Fortune. Vanja has matured greatly since Little Thieves, and she's doing her best to make a good life for herself now. She's even tried to let go of Emeric, convincing herself that that is what's best for both of them.

Me, the reader:

But Vanja has tried to move on. She's had a few relationships since, none lasting very long. The only serious boyfriend she's had since Emeric, Benno, a hot, tattooed bartender (can't blame you, girl) went sour when it turned out Benno was the illegitimate-but-now-turned-legit-due-to-lack-of-other-heirs son of a Prince. Bummer.

Worse yet, Emeric, it seems, has also moved on. With a woman called Lilje who seems to be everything Vanja isn't: law-abiding, respectable, and normal.

Me, the reader:

But things aren't going great in the Blessed Empire. The felonious Prinz Ludwig, of Painted Devils fame and Benno's absent father, died suddenly. Vanja does Benno one last favor: she Pfennigeist's her way into the crypt to steal the late Prinz's signet ring so Benno can wave it around and look all legitimate despite being a bastard. Unfortunately, while nicking the ring, it becomes very very clear that Prinz Ludwig didn't just die of natural causes. I mean, to quote Evelyn from Our Flag Means Death, "murder is a natural cause." Turns out, aristocrats across the empire are being murdered. And not just any aristocrats - these are aristocrats with the power and influence to become elected Emperor.

And all of them are found with the Pfennigeist's signature red penny.

Knowing she's being set up, Vanja prepares to flee with her rubies and her adorable little rescue kitten, Junior. Only problem is her rubies are gone. Stolen out of her lodging. And before she can make a clean break for it, the long arm of the law catches her first. And not just any long arm - but the long arms of her ex-lover and sentient beanpole, Emeric Conrad.

Me, the reader:

Emeric is not best pleased to be dealing with Vanja again and he's not shy about expressing it. Worse yet, he and Lilja aren't just together. They're engaged.

Me, the dedicated Emeric/Vanja shipper:

Fortunately, the Prefects seem to realize pretty quickly that Vanja is being set up somehow and release her. But when the Blessed Empress herself dies, Vanja is brought into the investigation, much to Emeric's displeasure. Vanja heads to the capital along with Emeric and Lilja, meeting up with Gisele, Ragne, Joniza and Benno, as aristocrats from across the empire gather to elect a new sovereign. Someone has sinister designs on the throne, and they've involved the pfennigeist - or someone pretending to be the pfennigeist.

What follows is plenty of drama, courtly intrigue mixed with magic, doppelgängers, betrayal, and a hefty dose of Keanu-esque kitten mischief. But the question remains: what will become of Vanja and Emeric?

Damn, Holy Terrors is just...it's fantastic, all around. As a dedicated fangirl of Emeric/Vanja, seeing them fight and just be petty and awful to one another was painful, but, if you've ever had the experience of watching two people who have broken up being forced to interact, well, it comes across as all too familiar. Hey, the course of true love never did run smooth and all that. Plus, it's kind of hard when he's literally engaged to someone else. Lilje isn't even all that bad, Vanja actually likes her and ugh, that's just the worst. Especially since Vanja is stuck in the room next to Emeric and Lilje's and she has to hear them get up to - uh - some premarital fun. Not to mention Vanja and Emeric's tenuous 50/50 custody agreement with Junior the Kitten...

So cute...

I especially loved how, interspersed throughout the book are stories of Vanja's possible futures - what her life could have been depending on the choices she made. For a fantasy trilogy, the emotions presented are are incredibly real. That's part of what I love so much about the Little Thieves trilogy - it's a series that's not just a delightful fantasy adventure story set in a Germanic world, it's also a beautiful tale of growing up, of developing the emotional intelligence you need to survive in a world that's harsh, and how to survive goddawful people like Irmgard von Hirsching. Fuck all the way off, Irmgard.

In short, Holy Terrors is fantastic and a wonderful, fitting conclusion to the Little Thieves trilogy. Go read it. Seriously, please do. Get a copy from your local library before the fascists close them all down.

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who enjoyed Little Thieves and Painted Devils - seriously what are you doing just reading the third book of a series by itself? You'll have no idea what's happening otherwise.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone who dislikes YA, strong female protagonists, fun, joy, kittens, heists, intrigue...

RELEASE DATE FOR HOLY TERRORS: April 1, 2025 (wildly appropriate - that has to be deliberate, right? Right?)

RATING: 5/5

TOTALLY UNBIASED FANGIRL RATING: 5,000,000,000,000,000/5

ANTICIPATION LEVEL FOR ANYTHING SET IN THE SAME UNIVERSE FEATURING THE SAME CHARACTERS: I honestly don't think there is a mountain in the whole of the recorded galaxy that can match my desperation for more Little Thieves content.