#It is just not my job to educate people
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Sometimes...
Sometimes you read something that is so... wrong... fundamentally wrong on every level and it's like... yeah we're probably on the same ideological 'side' but like... WHAT ARE YOU READING!? What... mistakes have brought you to these idiots that are so contradictory to evidence, research, and science, to arrive at these points!?
#vague posting#I don't care if the person I'm posting about gets upset#I am FAR TOO EXHAUSTED to deal with the many incorrect conclusions they arrive to#It is just not my job to educate people#I am not a teacher#I do not want to sink the time and energy in helping people unlearn weird ideas#there is an endless amount of possible avenues to educate ourselves online#just because a source matches your ideological beliefs doesn't mean it's a GOOD source#always question#especially when you read something and it really resonates with you#try to find multiple sources that agree#if an idea has value I assure you there will be multiple people saying the same thing or near enough#there is a ton of left-leaning beliefs that are toxic and stupid#beliefs also needs to be able to change and adapt to new information#I have no feelings towards this person other than a bone aching exhaustion#they're probably a perfectly cromulent person#we probably agree on a lot of things#I don't want to insult them or make them feel bad#but also... ????#but I refuse to not call out wrongheaded beliefs just because they're on 'my side'
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*tries to organize my thoughts*
*remembers i'm not in school and therefore beholden to neither heaven nor hell nor any man's grading system*
*joyously shredding & tossing all my carefully arranged 3x5 mental notecards into the air like so much beige confetti. raising my arms in victory, cheering raucously until i accidentally inhale bits of homemade confetti*
(*coughing up itty bits of paper like a cat evicting a hairball with a firm understanding of tenants' rights*) wait wat happens next
#i marie kondoed my thoughts and *i* feel great. but now my stream-of-consciousness has escaped containment#so many innocent bystanders at stake#every time i try to organize my thoughts i run out of plastic bins and have to make a trip to the container store where i get even more dis#racted so. you can't just hand me THIS brain and NO catalogue OR library classification system#and expect me to single-handedly sort through all this nonsense? bad form but fucking form not in my job description#aNYways. formal education sure did a FUCKING NUMBER on us huh#(a number i measure not in gpa or dollars of student debt.#but in the number of therapy sessions & medical debt it will take to recover.)#seriously folks. our education systems are...innately traumatizing for a huge number of students. and we NEED to address this.#the fact that it is culturally common for adults to have anxiety nightmares about school/exams...even decades later?#that is not cute. it is Alarming.#no one--much less entire generations--should be spending their developmental years in an environment of chronic stress & pressure & strain#and yet that is the reality for millions and millions of pre-teen and teenage and young adult students#this isn't healthy and it serves and empowers NO ONE#...except of course the many exploitative educational & financial & debt-collecting institutions thriving from the current balance of power#and of course it's a nefarious and powerful way to sabotage/erase the middle class#which billionaires and the wealth-inequality creators they finance couldn't possibly have any noteworthy interest in whatsoever#it's not like there's an elite group of people with huge financial incentives to drain/steal resources from the masses...#anyways sorry for going all Conspiracy Theory on you.#obviously the billionaires who control the vast majority of our resources and news and political campaign funding#are not tied to every single itty bitty social issue and i'm a silly billy to imply it#please tell elon musk to ignore this tweet i am so subservient and acquiescent#mr musky u r so good at inheriting slavery-built mining fortunes & buying other people's companies#& building rocket ships & fancy cars that do NOT explode/catch fire & also NOT running billion dollar companies into the ground#mr musky u r so talented genius billionaire playboy with 10 kids and ex-wives who find you creepy af babe u r basically iron man
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Controversial take but it’s actually not the job of random disabled people to educate your kids on disabilities. If your child stares, asks a rude question, or gets in the way of a disabled person, the responsibility falls on you to deal with that. It’s not the child’s fault for being curious or uneducated (that is quite literally the JOB of children) but it’s also not the job of a literal stranger to parent your kid for you.
#'but teaching kids about disabilities leads them to be adults who are less ableist' yes I agree.#but a random disabled person just trying to live their life is not required to teach kids about disabled people#as the parent it is YOUR job to educate your child about disabled people.#I'm just trying to get a fucking bagel Sharon.#disabled#disability#physical disability#ableism#my ramblings
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I am a vet student, and I had a patient today who looked like Machete! Made me think of your boys. Also, I get a kick out of the small animal veterinary surgery textbook, because there's a Vasco-like dog on the cover.
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#it's still immeasurably funny to me that#people are out there looking at various things irl and thinking ah yes it's the dog from tumblr#it's just very sweet#irl vaschete sightings#answered#districtfourmermaid#also this may be a weird thing to say but my irl circles aren't particularly varied#all my friends and family work on educational and creative fields#so whenever an online friend/mutual/follower mentions their job and it's something other than art and education#I find that genuinely very cool for some reason#I think 'oh neat somewhere out there is a (insert literally any line of work) who likes my silly dogs' and feel oddly warm and fuzzy#maybe it's just a sign I should try to socialize out of the box more
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personally I think the best thing that the joker sequel did for me was expose the exact degree to which how much of internet/public criticism is not based on genuine analysis of the content using social and cultural resources to support an actual argument but is actually adult children whining because someone took their batman toys and put them up on a high shelf for once and they, as a consumer, feel like they're entitled to throw a tantrum about it
#one of those 'if everyone's a critic no one will be' kind of situations#like every day I have to see 30 youtube thumbnails saying 'joker 2 bad' and then they say 'this scene was bad' and the only evidence they#give for their reasoning on it is 'it didn't make sense' and I want to turn into my english teacher and give reading comprehension question#like. if something doesn't make sense then why not examine the deeper reasoning that led you to that conclusion? why not then also entertai#the circumstances in which the situation would be plausible? you know? find some actual answers? but that is too much to ask of people#truly the gulf between a really well educated opinion analyzing the actual content rather than knee-jerking and saying 'I don't like it' is#far and fucking wide. I literally have only found ONE video essay that actually does a decent job talking about theme and the cohesion#between the two movies about the gulf between reality and fantasy which I thought was REALLY a good and thoughtful take on it all#but the rest of them are just like 'OOOOH MOVIE BAD MOVIE SO BAD'#like. you can't just say that!!! I know it's the internet and it's edged your ego enough to make you think you can#but some of us would like you to unpack your actual reasoning. but you do not have the capacity for that. clearly#go back to ninth grade for god's sake like this is a really basic skill for actually analyzing narrative and film and you do not have it#joker#folie a deux#joker 2#arthur fleck
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everybody stop emailing me.com
#it is insane how much of your job if you are involved in college education at all is just EMAILS#i mean i have to imagine that any job where you're interfacing with more than 500 people is going to be email city#BUT PELASE#i close my eyes and when i open them#more emails
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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[note: i know for a fact i'm doing this for the same reason that i fixate on nebulous fandom anxieties at other times: helplessness regarding anxieties about larger geopolitical issues]
feeling in a very weird position right now thinking about the fact theres a nonzero chance that either one of the cosplayers ive become acquainted with or someone in their immediate circle could do brownface in the future and people are gonna come at me like 'hey why are you not calling them out and/or giving them a racial sensitivity seminar and/or personally fistfighting them on the floor of the doujin circle event'
#i strongly feel westerners darkening their skin for cosplay are generally doing it in an 'i know this is offensive and dont care' edgy way#but people over here largely Dont Fucking Know because the cultural context behind why it's bad is not there#and i don't...personally feel like it's my job either to educate near-strangers on this or to make a big deal out of how i condemn it#(someone i just met and already became fond of said she wants to dress as a brown character and im already getting nervous#in case she does end up painting her skin and the pics are shared around or come to the attention of the western ppl i know in fandom#imagining people that i know pointing at me and going Hey Ebil You Are Brown. So You Hate Her Now Right? Slash Why Didnt You Stop Her)#cool. great. i wish instead of brown i were Invisible Color#id actually love if eventually people over here did learn more about that through me?#not even in an I Have To Correct Them way. just a cultural exchange way. the way im glad to learn what offends japanese ppl#they might find it interesting and worth knowing! but my ass trying to lecture people right now would absolutely just be...bad. bad.#'oh i just met this american and they seemed cool but then they started going on about how i was offending american values so. gaijins eh'#it's obvious to me nothing constructive would be achieved. i just hope people understand that.#i dunno. i dunno. i dunnoooooo.
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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I'm not a teacher. I'm not an activist. I'm not good at explaining things to others. But I hate having people who are uneducated on a subject I know a lot about being wrong. But I don't know how to correct them and convey the information in a good way. Just. Learn it. The most I can do is show them where I learned this stuff, but we all very well know nobody is gonna click on the link. But I just don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make people understand. I can't telepathically put information in their heads. Uhg.
#someone was arguing about intersex people and bc of our-queer-experience ive learned a lot about these topics and done research on it#but i genuinely dont know how to make the information in my head come out my mouth and sound good#all i can do is say “thats wrong”#im not good at this#which means i should stop#but i dont want them to just. be wrong and harmful#same thing when i mentioned fatphobia#i dont have the words to educate people#just. learn about it!! its not my job#anyway#vent#gummy says stuff
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My therapist thinks it's so weird and special that I obsessively research references in media I love and today, bright eyed, brimming with good intentions, and swept in my bubbly babbling about the origins of the Port of Yokohama, she asked if I ever considered sharing my thoughts and research with people online who are into the same media.
#she legitimately was trying to assure me it's not my job to educate others but she thinks id be so good at it#and i was like no all i want to do is share the inane research i do#but it makes people SO mad#tumblr is whatever people just block me and vague blog about me#but i am NOT anyone's discord kitten
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the little kid i work with escaped the ukraine two years ago. my family immigrated in the 50s/60s to escape the turkish occupation in my papou’s village in greece. and it is both immensely heartbreaking and also insanely healing to help someone the way my grandparents weren’t helped when they got to this country.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[my grandfather didn’t go to school. ever. because he spoke no English. he couldn’t read it. and the enl services were… definitely not about#to help a Greek man who only spoke Greek in the age without the internet at all. my yiayia was a brilliant woman. she could’ve easily owned#a business. she was a phenomenal seamstress with such an insane talent for practicality and logic. she was so left brained. my papou was#such a creative with a tendency for logic. he was practical but always the one who was sillier. they eventually spoke very good English#actually. my papou always sort of had an accent (Greek accents feel like home to me) and my yiayia always did. they were incredible people.#and every single day i think about how much MORE opportunity they would’ve both had had they been born under the permitting circumstances.#my yiayia only had a 5th grade education and that incensed my grandfather. getting to take care of and help a kid who otherwise wouldn’t#have someone care THIS MUCH. especially a kid who’s foreign. i look up words in Russian and she tells me how she says them. i teach her#words in Greek because she likes the way they sound. i just wish my grandparents had been given the same opportunity. just the ability to#have someone in front of either of them and was like ‘hey i know it’s tough and scary but im here and i get it’. I’m not working#this week because i have so much to take care of. but just thinking out loud. i love my job. but more than anything this particular#opportunity has been everything to me.]
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the blatant fatphobia coming back full force into everyone's everyday lexicon is really truthfully making me want to cease living.
done with the big back, ozempic, mixed weight, what i eat in a day, body checking, being mad that plus size retailers exist because they don't cater to straight sizes meanwhile fat people want plus sizes in every store so plus size retailers don't need to exist, "see so demure so mindful I don't get sour cream on my chipotle bowl because I don't want people to fear me getting on an elevator", "wow this post gave me diabetes" in reference to a pasta recipe, etc. etc.
like what's the point of being alive if we're going to treat others this way? there's no way out. so like what's the point to living if you're constantly going to move through life being laughed at and treated like a beast by the entirety of humanity for existing.
#I'm done pointing out the racist and ableist reasons we're fatphobic#I'm done trying#It's not my job to educate piss babies that can't understand empathy#All I can do is hope they all gain weight#and hate themselves enough#because I'm so over hating myself#I just hate people now
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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finally went and got my GED diploma a year after i graduated :)))))
#the check in woman was like 'come on you cant leave without saying bye first!' and iwas like nonononono please no#she made me go talk to the woman who single handedly delayed my graduated by 6 months.#who is annoying as fuck and super classist and pro college.#when she asked what i do for work i was like 'an educator' and she was like 'oh so you've used the free college credits to get your early#childhood education?' and i was like 'uhhh no. still just as against college as i was last year. i don't plan to be an educator for long.'#and she goes well what do you want to do (not your fucking business lady. at all.) and then when i said 'anything' bc real people don't hav#the choice of their dream job or nothing. real people have to just take whatever is available to them--esp in our dead town.#and she was like 'oh come on in during the summer! I'm here for summer school! can take a bunch of tests to find out what your dream job is#can figure out what colleges youd like!'#i was just like ''yeahhhhhh. anyway have a good day' and fucking left.#i was actually debating going to college just a month ago. for the first time in my life i was seriously debating college bc it was my#choice and n oone had been pushing college to me for years. and then she starts this bullshit and im even more anti college than i was in#highschool#anti college#college is a scam#not to mention 'come in during the summer to take completely unnecessary summer school after youve graduated with almost a perfect score'#???? seriously how entitled do you think you are to my time?#i have work this summer. i have plans this summer. and even if i didnt i sure as fuck wouldnt spend my time being preached at about how#im wasting my life and dooming myself to poverty bc i dont want to go 6 figures in debt#and lost 4+ years of time i could be earning wages.
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i've also realized that there is no therapy that can fix what's broken inside of me
#therapy wont give me a place to belong. a person to call my home.#therapy where i sit and talk about how all i want is to love and be loved and i'll never feel whole without it wont solve anything#guess i just need to study and get an education for a job that i think i could be capable of#and then distract myself with books and shows and nature#the problem is that loneliness permeates my every cell and my every moment and being#im losing interest in humanity and society#literature is barely even interesting to me anymore bc i feel so fkn far away from humanity#and what makes u human.. that i cant connect with any of what i try to consume#i just... dont care. music doesnt even do anything for me anymore#i feel so numb in one way#but also i often feel like im panicking. how is this possible? how did i end up here?#im like actually fading away from this earth and it sometimes feels like#it wont even matter if i do#what is trying to take ahold of me and stop me from fading....?#idec anymore. even if i do get a job and an apartment i'll still be empty bc all i want is. smth i can never have? is that really how it is#i dont even require that much#that is what is so .. terrible almost#i just want one connection that is special to us both. smth close smth deep smth that i can pour everything into#i look around and almost everyone have more than one person even by them.... what did i do wrong?#i must've done smth very very wrong from the start to even end up here#it doesnt matter. i fade and i fade and i fade... i think i will keep doing so#because no matter how much other ppl - ppl who themselves have love and closeness in their lives. who have friends and partners and family.#no matter how much they parrot empty lines of 'learn how to be alone!!' 'life can be whole and fulfilled even alone' ..#i dont want that. i really dont. deep in my soul i do not want that#so their words are completely... condescending even. yes i CAN do all of that. i mean fuck#i am surviving feeling alone more than most of them are since they have ppl around them lmao#but i just dont want it. i am a person meant for a deep connection... i dont even need it with multiple people#without that i feel like i am dying and nothing else matters#besides i know it's possible bc i have felt that with a person at this time of my life#so i know that it's not smth distant or unachievable... it does exist and i want it bc it's the only thing that made me
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