#It got way bigger than i expected and just became way too overwhelming

[side-of-honey]

Are you gonna keep making content for imaginary friends?

Nope!

[joongernaut]

glitter

⇢ pairing(s): park seonghwa x reader

⇢ genres: childhood friends to almost strangers to lovers, SMUT, fluff, a little angst but literally just a smidge

⇢ warnings: tooth-rotting fluff (i could not help myself with this one), subby-ish seonghwa because we love desperate men around here, oral sex (fem receiving), vaginal sex, cowgirl, reader gets called 'noona' once, creampie (i simply forgot to write in a condom but practice safe sex everyone!)

⇢ word count: 3955

⇢ author's note: well this took a bit longer than expected but i was able to proofread and tie up the loose ends on this fic last night and now here we are! this is also my way of wiggling into writing for ateez more as they are one of my favorite groups 😁 also the song title is based off the song glitter by jamilah barry <3 enjoyyy

✧

“Did you know your little boyfriend is back in town?”

The question stopped you in mid-sip of your cup of tea as you peered over the rim of the mug at your roommate, Hongjoong. He peered back over his own mug with a little smirk on his face and a lift of his eyebrow.

Slowly bringing the mug down you let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, I’ve only heard the news about a hundred times. Kinda hard to forget, y’know,” You bit back with a sarcastic smile, “Also, he was never my boyfriend. Why does everyone keep saying that shit?”

“Hm, I really don't know,” Hongjoong said with a shrug, taking a drawn out sip from his coffee before speaking again, “It’s not like the guy followed you around like a lost puppy before and you let him. Honestly, I’m a little surprised you two didn't tie the knot right after high school, I was so sure you would be childhood sweethearts turned old, disgusting married couple.”

Hongjoong hissed as your foot kicked at his shin from under the table, glaring at him before you finally downed the contents of your mug. “God, you all are so annoying! First, my own family and now you? I don’t care if he’s in town, okay? We haven't talked in like 5 years and I highly doubt that I’d see him anyways. It’s whatever.” You said exasperatedly, chair scraping against the floor as you got up to place the empty mug into the kitchen sink.

“What if you do see him, though?” Hongjoong asked, the question once again catching you off guard. “What if he hasn't forgotten about you in the slightest in those years you two have spent apart?” He pressed on with a pointed look, watching your mouth open and close as you blinked over at him.

Park Seonghwa, from what you recalled years ago, was a very sweet boy.

You remember the first day you had met him, walking into your elementary homeroom class clinging to his mother with a thumb in his mouth and fat tears rolling down his face as he refused to let her go.

You were only 2 years older than him but still had felt the overwhelming need to protect him from any harm. And that's also how you two became close friends.

When Seonghwa would fall down and scrape his knee or elbow, you were there telling him not to cry while dusting him off and helping him get back up. When he wanted to be like the bigger kids, who were taller and strong enough to get on certain parts of the playground, you were there to encourage him and give him a boost. And when his eyes sparkled with curiosity, wanting to learn more about this and that as he gained new interests, you were there to talk and listen to him ramble on and on about anything and everything.

That Seonghwa was the one you hadn’t seen in years. You had been really good friends leading all the way up to high school and then slowly drifted apart during that time. Once college had begun, it was like he dropped off the face of the earth and you didn't hear from him for a while.

It wasn't like you to be stuck on anybody for too long, you watched many people come and go into your life before. But Seonghwa wasn't just anybody and you couldn't help but wonder about the crybaby often and what he had been up to lately.

Okay so maybe you did care just a little bit that he had come back to town. But did it really matter? After all, neither of you really made the effort to reach out to one another after going your separate ways.

You shook your head, pushing those fleeting thoughts away before you reminisced too deeply. “Like I said, I highly doubt it.” You mumbled with a shrug before turning away, a part of you truly doubtful while a sliver of yourself remained hopeful.

✧

You were home alone the very next day. Usually Hongjoong would be the one to stay inside while you were out and about but he had run off to god knows where and he insisted that you stay at the apartment to relax. “Because you deserve it.” He had told you with a wink.

So, naturally, you were suspicious.

Not that Hongjoong was an untrustworthy person or anything but this almost, overly-nice front he had put on since this morning was just a little off-putting. Before you could really begin to question him, he had already flown out of the door and was barely responding to your text messages.

He did make sure to tell you to listen out for the door, however, as he said he was ‘expecting something’. You had almost forgotten about whatever that ‘something’ would be, hours into the afternoon, until you heard the sound of knocking coming from the front door of your apartment.

Dreading on leaving the comfort of your spot on the couch, you heaved a sigh before getting up from your seat and dragged yourself over to the door to answer it. “Hello-” You swung the door open and were immediately greeted by someone's chest in your line of vision. Your eyes traveled upward and you felt your breath catch in your throat.

“Y/N… It’s good to see you again.”

The man before you looked much different from the last time you had seen him. But even with the big and little changes in his appearance and how he seemed to carry himself differently, you could still tell exactly who he was just based on the look in his eyes.

“Seonghwa,” You gaped, still not entirely sure if you were seeing him in front of you or just hallucinating after watching TV all day, “H-How… How did you…?” You trailed off with furrowed brows as he gave you a sheepish look in return.

“Ah, sorry, this is rather impromptu of me. I bumped into Hongjoong a few days ago when I first got back and he mentioned you two were roommates so…” Now it was his turn to trail off as a small blush formed on his cheeks. You mentally cursed at Hongjoong, finally putting the pieces together that he had set this all up. You didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him.

“I see,” You muttered, reminding yourself to shoot the little mastermind a colorfully worded text later, “Well, please, don't be shy. Come in, come in.” You insisted, a smile spreading across your face genuinely as you stepped to the side for him to enter.

Seonghwa smiled back gently, a sight that made your heart soar as you saw a flash of the boy you used to know appear for a split second before he stepped over the threshold.

✧

It had been hours of just talking and catching up with Seonghwa. You had learned that he was finishing up his last year of college soon, reaching to earn his degree in astronomy, and planned to move out of his dorm and into a place of his own nearby. The university he had attended was well out into the city, roughly 8 hours away, meanwhile you had attended your local college in town and graduated with your art degree about a year or so ago.

“Definitely not as cool as studying the stars and planets, though. I’m like the definition of a starving artist.” You chuckled, albeit a bit bitterly, facing Seonghwa as you propped your elbow over the back of the couch and tucked your legs underneath yourself.

Seonghwa had turned to face you as well but a bit awkward in body language, one leg crossed over the other as his hands remained in his lap stiffly. “Ah, it's not all that interesting. Trust me. Once math is involved, then you’ll see what I mean.” He said, earning another laugh from you that made his shoulders less tense and a fond smile spread on his face.

“You were always the artistic type, though. That’s something I’ve always liked and admired about you. Never afraid to be yourself… Just being able to think of something so creatively, from a vastly different perspective than anyone else, and turning it into something so beautiful. That’s always been pretty cool to me.” He went on, leaving you a bit stunned at his words.

“Hwa…” The old nickname slipped from your lips in a whispered tone and his eyes found yours, locking onto them as a few seconds passed by in stretched silence. Seonghwa opened his mouth to speak again, hesitating at first before licking his lips, and asked, “Can I tell you something?”

Words felt like they would fail you right now so you simply nodded for him to continue. Seonghwa swallowed the lump in his throat before speaking again. “I’m really happy that you still remember me. I know that's silly to say because it's only been a couple of years but I wouldn't know how to feel if you acted as if I was a complete stranger…” He said, looking away with an almost pained expression despite the smile still on his face.

“I would never! We were important to each other back then.” You told him, scooting closer to him on the couch as you reached out to place your hand over his own. Seonghwa’s eyes shot down toward the movement, feeling the warmth of you from your body’s proximity and your fingers touching him so delicately, then back up to your face. “And now? He questioned, hopeful, as he placed one of his hands over yours and squeezed.

You squeezed his hand back and sighed. “I was scared of the same thing… that you would forget about me or pretend like you did. Or you would see me and want nothing to do with me so I figured I’d try to avoid you... But after you showed up and we talked, it feels like you never really left at all.” You admitted, feeling Seonghwa subtly shuffle closer to you.

“I thought about you almost all of the time during the years we spent not with each other, Y/N. I don't think I could forget you even if I tried.” He admitted back, similar to the words Hongjoong had said to you the other day. That had to have been something Hongjoong had heard him say when they bumped into each other and you mentally noted to punch the man whenever he got home.

Right now, however, you were going to focus on Seonghwa and what you wanted to do next.

Your hand came up to wrap around the back of his neck and he froze, his body stiffening as you leaned in close until your lips were a breath away from his own. “Tell me if this is okay. I want to show you how important you still are to me.” You murmured, the movement of your lips lightly brushing against Seonghwa’s causing him to exhale shakily.

A quick nod was all the confirmation you needed before diving in, catching his mouth in a deep kiss. You untangled your other hand from his lap and brought it up to join the one around his neck as you pulled him closer, crawling your way into his lap in the process until you were straddling one of his thighs.

Seonghwa’s body shook slightly underneath you, his hands hovering over your sides as if he were hesitating to touch. You pulled away briefly, nibbling at his bottom lip before tugging it and making him groan. “You can touch me.” You said, sensing his hesitation, and started to lick the seam of his parted lips.

He let you in with no resistance, the feeling of your tongue against his wet and probing as his hands gripped onto your waist tightly.

You licked in to Seonghwa’s mouth eagerly as you started to move forward until he was effectively pushed onto his back with ease. Feeling breathless, you parted from his mouth again to catch yourself but started to trail your lips from the side of his face to his neck where you began to bite and suck at the sensitive skin there.

“Y/N…” He gasped before letting out a whiny moan. Your eyes flitted up to his face to take in the sight of Seonghwa— already looking debauched and fucked out, and you barely even started. “What do you want, Hwa?” You mumbled against his skin and he shivered at the sensation.

“Whatever you want. You take the lead. Please.” Seonghwa replied in a strained voice, holding onto you as if you were a lifeline.

When you suddenly pulled away from him and stood up, Seonghwa shot up in panic wondering if he had said something wrong until you put your hand out for him to take wordlessly.

He kept his mouth shut and took it, letting you guide him all the way to your bedroom where you closed the door behind him with a click of the lock, officially sealing your fate together.

“You told me to take the lead, right?” You questioned once you were facing Seonghwa again, slowly approaching him. Your finger traced small shapes onto his chest as you backed him up into the bed, the back of his knees hitting the edge and making him sit down.

His ass hadn't been on the bed for more than 3 seconds before Seonghwa slid off of it and onto his knees in front of you, peering up with wide expectant eyes. “Yes. You can do whatever you want to me, I’ll enjoy anything you give me.” His tone of voice sounded airy as he uttered those words and you couldn't help but run your fingers through his hair as he leaned into your touch.

“You’re already on your knees for me… surely you already had something in mind.” You smirked at him teasingly, watching him shift under your gaze. “Can I…?” He trailed off questioningly as his eyes flickered quickly from your face to the crotch of your sweatpants and back up again. Heat pooled in the pit of your stomach seeing how eager he was to please. Eager to please you.

You tugged your sweatpants down until they dropped unceremoniously onto the floor, kicking away the article of clothing before stepping closer to Seonghwa. His breathing had gotten shallow once his eyes fell onto your panty-covered pussy, the thin layer of the material leaving little to the imagination. The small wet spot he could see near the center made his cock twitch, straining against his pants.

Seonghwa’s hands gently grazed along your ankles first, gradually going higher from there to the back of your knees and up the back up your thighs. A small shiver raked through you when his fingers traced the lining of your underwear, slipping under the band a little as he grabbed ahold of your ass.

“A-Ah… Hwa…” You moaned softly when he pressed you forward into his face and placed a lingering kiss onto your mound right where your clit was. You took a step closer to him, pressing his face fully into your pussy now, and what little hold he had of his composure immediately slipped.

Seonghwa groaned as he buried his face into every crevice he could fit into, his long tongue rolling out of his mouth so he could run it along the moist material messily. “Knew you’d taste good,” He mumbled against the inside of your thigh, “Smell good, too. I could only dream about something like this happening in real life.” He added before latching his lips onto your clit and sucking the bud through the fabric. This plus the friction of your panties still covering your pussy was enough to make your body lurch forward a bit.

The back of Seonghwa’s head was now pressed against the edge of the bed, pinned between the comforter as you began to grind against his face.

“You should've told me sooner. I think I like seeing you like this.” You told him with a breathless giggle, swiveling your hips as Seonghwa tried to follow every movement to the best of his ability. He didn't mind it. You were using him to pleasure yourself and he couldn't be any more happier.

His grip on your ass had tightened when he felt you begin to back up and you rubbed your thumb against his wrist to make him loosen his hold. “I just wanna move onto the bed, Hwa.” You reassured him and he reluctantly let go. Despite not being completely bare, the evidence of your arousal shined like a gloss on Seonghwa’s bruised lips when you got a good look at him.

You crawled onto your bed, peeling your shirt and dampened panties off before throwing them somewhere you’d worry about later, and waited for Seonghwa to join you. Realizing your lack of underwear now, he followed along until he was stripped bare and crawled slowly up the bed until he was situated between your spread thighs.

Seonghwa’s eyes stayed locked onto your own as he trailed kisses along the inside of your thigh, bringing his face closer and closer until he could finally taste you without restriction or barriers.

The first swipe of Seonghwa’s tongue starting slowly from your hole up to your clit had your legs spreading out wider for him. And when his plump lips wrapped around your clit sucking earnestly, you felt your eyes nearly roll to the back of your head as you reached out to grip his hair roughly.

Seonghwa groaned, muffled by his ministrations, and the vibration of it made your hips buck up. He unlatched himself from your clit briefly only to laser focus his attention on dipping his tongue into your hole to lap up whatever juices started to leak from it.

“Hwa,” His name came out in a shuddered moan as you placed your hands on his shoulders and squeezed to get his attention, “I really need you.”

Seonghwa’s response came delayed, spending a couple extra minutes using his tongue to simply savor your taste before he made his way up your body where his mouth came crashing into yours. “You have me, baby.” He panted between open-mouthed kisses as his hand came up between your bodies to grab ahold of his throbbing cock.

“Do I?” You smirked against his mouth, nudging his hand out of the way so you could wrap your own around his length. Seonghwa gasped lightly, bucking up into the tight ring of your fist. “You think you could switch places with me, baby?” You purred as you stroked his cock languidly. It didn't take long for him to carefully flip the two of you over and have you hovering above him.

“Fuck, you're–” Seonghwa breathed out, eyes glued to your face as you rubbed the tip of his dick through your folds, “you’re just as beautiful as I always remembered but this is truly a sight.” He said while trailing his hands along your thighs then higher up to your hips where he held onto them as you lined him up to your entrance.

The breach stung a bit once you started to sink down onto him and Seonghwa rubbed his thumbs gently into your hip bones as you took your time taking him all the way inside of you. “I’m starting to believe that crush everyone keeps saying you had on me.” You sighed out once your pelvic bone met his, moving your hips slowly in small circles as you relished the way Seonghwa felt so deep inside of you.

“Have,” Seonghwa corrected as he tried to keep himself still under your movements, twitching every time he felt your walls constrict around his cock, “I think it was obvious to everyone but you.” He licked at his lips before tucking his bottom lip between his teeth when you lifted yourself up momentarily only to sink yourself back down onto him.

Picking up a steady pace now, not going too fast or too slow, you simply enjoyed the way Seonghwa stretched you out and filled you up with every movement of your hips. A whimper-like sound punched out of him when you came back down just a little bit harder, clenching around his cock, and you cooed at the noise. “Poor baby. Am I at least making it up to you well?” You pouted at him with a tilt of your head, smoothing a hand down his chest soothingly.

“Noona,” Seonghwa whined, your body immediately stiffening at the sound of his voice sounding so wrecked, “Please, please go faster.”

You obliged without question, deciding that you would have a chance to tease him another time. You pressed your hand down flat on Seonghwa’s chest and used it as leverage to ride him the way you knew you would both love; bouncing on his dick as he thrusted upward involuntarily to meet the action.

This helps Seonghwa to go a little bit deeper, the head of his cock brushing along your walls just right until he hits directly at the spot that has you quivering above him.

You can barely hold yourself up and soon feel your arm give out as you bow your back and press your foreheads together. “Feel s-so good, baby…” You muttered while staring into Seonghwa’s eyes. His half-lidded gaze stared back briefly before pressing your mouths together in an intimate kiss.

He then caught you off guard by starting to buck up into you, almost frantically, as he wrapped his arms around your body and pressed you to his chest. “Cum with me, please, please, please–” Seonghwa begged, seemingly right on the edge of cumming.

Thankfully you weren't too far behind him with the way he had started to desperately fuck into you. And with the remaining body strength you could muster, you rode him with just as much urgency while still pressed closely to his chest.

Seonghwa had been the first to tip over, pleading over and over again until his voice became slightly hoarse. He stilled himself deep inside of you before you felt warmth filling you up in spurts, a pretty drawn out moan falling from his lips as you clenched around him tightly and followed suit.

You whimpered as Seonghwa helped you ride it out, his hands placed on your waist to help you grind down against him and giving your clit some added friction.

Feeling boneless, but most of all satiated, you finally collapsed against him as he started to rub along your back and traced over your spine. The delicate feeling of his fingers sent a tingle throughout your being that you could only chalk up to the resurfacing of those feelings you had kept hidden so deep within.

Seonghwa attempted to sit up and you grumbled in protest causing a laugh to escape him. “We have to get cleaned up.” He reasoned but you only clung on to him tighter as he rose and had you seated on his lap. “Will you stay afterwards?” You asked quietly, hope laced into your tone with a hint of vulnerability. Because now that you had him in your life again you would be damned to see him go so quickly.

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere without you again.” Seonghwa said, leaning forward to press his lips chastely against your forehead before looking at you with eyes full of love and sincerity.

Those same eyes that always held the stars in them that sparkled like glitter and reassured you that he would be right by your side for as long as you would let him.

[stvrdrops]

the american actress pt 2 | pt 1 ☆ shuri x fem!reader

after seeing how stressed you’ve been and how it’s impacting your relationship with the princess, shuri holds herself to a promise she had made early on in your relationship.

warnings : this is like full on smut so expect strap ons, kissing, and overall mentions of sex lol

word count : 3k+

note : i got some requests to do part two of the american actress so here it is ! i wrote this all in one setting and i’m not the best at writing smut but i hope it’s a good enough predecessor. i set it up for there to be a potential part 3 so we will see what happens !! ^_−☆

it had been almost a whole year after attending the gala held in wakanda. in those many months so much of your life had changed. shuri and you had been essentially “courting” as her country would call it, considering she is royalty. the press found out shortly after, and then the whole world knew. you two quickly became perhaps an even bigger power couple than tony stark and pepper.

however, some people did not approve of the relationship you had with shuri. these people ranged from those in wakandan tribes to silly twitter stans that had a lot to say online. you had heard your fair share of remarks from both sides of the coin, however shuri was always there to comfort you about it.

“they are just jealous, my love.” she would whisper to you as she held you in her arms. she loves when you curl into her lap and just let her hold you. it is when she feels most at home no matter where she was. you had become her home and she had quickly become yours.

you worried so often about getting wakanda to fully approve of your relationship with her. mainly it was just trying to convince the council to love you, but the nation’s thoughts mattered as well. after all, you’d be considered a princess of the nation after marriage. it was far too soon to think of marriage, but due to you dating the princess of the richest place in the world it was a thought you often kept in mind.

if dealing with the worlds approval of your relationship wasn’t enough, you had also gotten booked for a major motion picture movie deal. it was centered around your character in a dystopian world she is aiming to destroy from the inside out. it was really just another action movie, which you didn’t enjoy because you had just started exploring other genres. however, what pushed you towards the deal was the talk of an oscar. they were just rumors, but apparently you could have a great shot at winning one with this movie. it’s an absolute dream of yours to win one. it’s better if it happens sooner than later. after all, if you did end up marrying shuri one day would you be forced to quit acting? you didn’t enjoy thinking about giving up your career, but you were sure that shuri is worth it. you wanted to discuss the topic with her sometimes, but something about it would make you too scared to bring it up. it was early into the relationship still and you didn’t want to overwhelm her or scare her away.

little did you know, she could tell you had done much overthinking over the last couple months. you two had been apart for a while due to your filming in another country. she drowned herself in lab work to distract from thinking about you. before you left she had given you your very own kimoyo beads so that calling could be better and faster no matter where you were. however, you barely used them. she would attempt to reach you through them but you were always too busy or tired. when you did answer she could hear how tired and stressed you sounded. she felt awful keeping you on the phone in that state, so the calls were never long. shuri, instead of becoming frustrated with the situation of the relationship, began working on a way to help you destress if your schedule allowed it. she had remembered mentioning this to you before, but surely you didn’t remember the sleazy comment.

your movie was being put on pause for a few weeks due to your costar spraining their ankle from a silly stunt. you had told them countless times to just have the stunt double do it, but they were too headstrong. despite feeling awful about the whole situation, you were glad to be spending some time recuperating and seeing shuri again. your girlfriend had been excited to know she was going to be able to see you within a few hours. you had been confused by this news, as you assumed you’d probably fly back to your apartment in nyc for a few days and then go see her. however, she had apparently heard of the accident on set and how it was delaying the progress for a few weeks. she gave very clear instructions over the phone:

wear the outfit that was coincidentally placed on your bed in the hotel you were staying in.

grab an overnight bag, that really needed to be made for many nights.

head to the limo that’s waiting downstairs for you.

you followed her instructions with no pushback despite wanting your beauty sleep before seeing her, you too had been excited to see her. you felt like you had been neglecting her lately which hurt your heart. she insisted she understood the situation and that she may have moments of her own like this someday in your relationship. it didn’t make you feel much better to hear those things though.

the box on the bed contained a sheer black lingerie dress made of only the finest materials. a matching black set of lace lingerie was underneath it which only made you snicker. of course she picked out something so scandalous as this. you hid the sexy attire underneath a large hoodie and shorts as you made your way to the limo.

the limo of course drove you to a location where a jet was waiting. a member of the dora milaje greeted you as you approached the jet by saying, “hello, princess.” a wink following after.

it caught you by surprise to hear yourself be called that. some of the people in wakanda would do it whenever they saw you due the fact you and shuri were dating. when you told shuri of this she only laughed and said, “they are only messing with you.” you would scrunch your nose in response to her teasing.

you made your way onto the jet and the woman warrior followed after you. it took off with ease and you allowed your eyes to shut for the remainder of the time. the distance would be traveled fast, but any bit of sleep you could gain was definitely worth it.

“y/n, we have arrived in wakanda.”

the voice of the woman makes you suddenly open your eyes as if you were on full alert. she gives you a soft smile before helping you stand from the comfy seat you were sitting on.

“thank you.” you say to her, in which she nods.

one nice thing about wakanda is that you never need to worry about taking your bag to your room. the people around you were always ready to take your bag for you and place it in shuri’s room or elsewhere so that you could easily go and see her right away. that's exactly what they had done with your overnight bag you brought. the only thing you had to do was find the princess, which you were informed was in her room waiting for your arrival.

two members of the dora milaje accompanied you through the beautiful halls towards shuris room. you never quite got over just how beautiful wakanda was despite your many visits. every time you came, shuri would show you something new about the nation or the palace. you loved the little moments when she would make fun of the architecture or say how she could make something better or more advanced with her tech. she never fully exited out of her mad scientist role, even while with you.

the dora milaje stopped in front of the ever so familiar door. you smiled at them before pressing the doors open. you didn’t bother knocking on your lover’s door considering you were told she had been expecting you.

when you entered the doors shut behind you. your eyes wandered around the room to see scattered flowers among white sheets and open windows displaying the beautiful stars and city of wakanda. you thought everything was so beautiful and well set up. it warmed your heart to see how much effort she had put into all of this for you. you felt like you should’ve been doing this for her though, seeing as though you feel as if you had neglected her. however, shuri had often liked spoiling you, so you let her.

you noticed that the only thing missing from the room was shuri. you wondered where she could’ve possibly been until a voice answered your thought for you.

“hello ms. y/n. shuri will be joining you shortly.”

it had been griot, an ai that took you months to stop being scared of it whenever he randomly spoke. you see, shuri liked taking you in very public spaces. you had a fear of being caught. and somehow every time you were allowing her to be handsy in those situations, griot would speak out of nowhere and scare you half to death.

“hello griot, i appreciate the heads up.”

“my pleasure.”

you took off the hoodie and shorts, leaving yourself only in the lingerie she had given to you. you assumed it would be a nice little present for her considering she had put all this together. when you sat yourself onto the bed wearing the exposing lace, your eyes landed on something.

it had looked like a camera in front of the bed, but not directly in front. it hadn’t looked like a normal camera either, more like a high tech one. you assumed shuri had designed it. it had her qualities written all over it.

“do you like? it’s my own personal design.”

her voice tears your eyes away from the device and onto her. she entered through her side bedroom door wearing just a tank top and sweats. her hair had been freshly faded, leaving her perfect pile of curls resting atop her head. you felt far more exposed than her, but the tank top made you throb the same way the lingerie made her throb. she found out from one of the first times you got intimate with her that tank tops were a thing you loved seeing her in.

“you look good.” you say to her after watching her move around to the device.

“and you look even better.”

“hmm…” you groan as you let yourself fall back completely onto the bed, “i don’t feel better.”

she chuckles, “don’t worry, i’ll make you feel better.”

you can’t help but blush at her words and the deep tone she uses. your body even tingles a little. you didn’t realize how badly you missed her kissing and touching you until she was standing right in front of you. you just wished she would stop messing around with that stupid piece of tech.

“won’t you just come here already? i’ve missed you.”

“be patient. i’m attempting to set up this camera.”

oh, so it is a camera.

“oh?” you couldn’t help but vocalize your thoughts.

“ah there we go.” she said as you hear a little beep coming from the device. her footsteps can be heard making their way towards you.

“come here.” she says before picking you up and setting you down in her lap. you wrap your legs around her torso and blush. it always made you flustered whenever she’d show off how strong she truly was.

her dark brown eyes stared into your own. the contact from her fingertips on your skin was driving you crazy, but you tried not to show it too much.

“you know how i said i wanted to make a movie with you?” she asked, causing your eyes to widen. of course you know how she said that. it was one of the very first things she said to you. you had assumed she was only joking though, as it never actually happened.

“you’re going to record us?” you asked so innocently that it made her chuckle.

“should i have made it more obvious? i want to keep a video of this for when i miss you. your filming makes it so hard for me to fuck you. so now when you go back, i can just watch this and feel content for the time being.”

those words flowed so easily off of her tongue that it had caught you by surprise. she was incredibly nonchalant about this whole thing which made you think she had been planning this for a while. you were not camera shy in the slightest, but you had never exactly recorded yourself in any position like this before. not that you were opposed, just a little timid.

“just say action then.” you say to her, a smile spreading across your face.

“action.” she replies in a challenging tone.

soon your lips were colliding into hers. her fingers dug into your brown skin and you couldn’t help but exhale due to how good it felt. she had never handled you like this before. shuri was being gentle yet also harsh at the same time. you could tell how much she missed you by how hard she held onto you and how gentle she kissed you. you only hoped that your kisses and hands reaching out for her face relayed the same message.

kissing was enough for shuri until it wasn’t. she eagerly began tugging at the straps on the sheer cloth you wore on top of your lingerie. her mouth went to her favorite spot, your neck. after that first night she craved sucking on your soft spots and kissing in other spots until they were purple. she enjoyed the sounds you were making as her lips touched your skin.

your fingers gripped her hair as she sucked so eagerly on your neck. the vanilla and coconut smell radiating off of her was so pleasant and mouthwatering. she smelled so perfect even with smells as simple as those.

your hips had begun grinding into her, searching for some sort of release. you hadn’t even noticed you were doing the action until she stopped kissing on your neck. the thing about shuri is that she never full stops unless she intends on torturing you. she always eases out of things. she swears its because she never wants the moment to end. you swear it's because she just loves to leave you wanting more by easing off little by little. sometimes it’s more torture than fully stopping it. so before stopping her kisses, she eased off by peppering them.

“you are so eager tonight. i did not know you missed me this much.” she said while slowly taking you out of the lingerie you had taken so long to put on. you didn’t have it in you to detest her taking it all off of you. not that you would’ve detested anyway, but maybe been a tease just a little while longer.

“i missed you more than words can describe, shuri.” you breathe out as she begins palming your now exposed breasts. this pleasure usually wasn’t enough to overwhelm you but you felt so sensitive. had you two not been in the early stages of sex then you probably would’ve just asked to cuddle as you perhaps wept. although both things have you being vulnerable, the sex just seemed so much better. this was because she wouldn’t know exactly what you had been so stressed over.

“i’m sure i missed you even more, my love. i day dreamt of touching you like this again.” she begins to kiss your chest, “i grew so bored and lonely without you here. we haven’t been together for very long in the grand scheme of things but i am sure i love you.” her kisses begin traveling lower. “i am sure i love you more than anything and it makes me sad to see you so stressed and tired.”

you loved when shuri talked to you like this. she made you feel like the only person in the world, and she has been since you first met. this was not the first time she told you she loved you. in fact she had told you many times before this. the first time being out of nowhere in her lab. she had said it so casually.

“i think i love you.”

“you think?” you had asked.

“hm... no, i definitely know i love you.”

you couldn’t stop smiling for a week straight after that interaction. it was so simple but it was the perfect way for her to say she loves you. you didn’t want all that extravagant stuff, after all she was most extravagant for you on dates and intimate nights already. it felt so much more genuine that it came out of nowhere.

“shuri please…” you moaned out after she had been kissing on your now erect nipple. her lips plopped off of it and she looked back up to you with puppy dog eyes. you could feel yourself melting.

“please what?”

“please… please just make love to me. i want you so bad.”

you didn’t have to tell her twice. this was all about making you feel better and more relaxed. she was willing to do anything for you under any circumstance. while you were worrying about what would happen if you two were to get married, she worried that you wouldn’t want to marry her at all. shuri didn’t know how she would bear it if she lost you. it would be especially worse considering she would be forced to see your face everywhere on social media and posters for your movies.

“of course my darling.”

she flipped you over onto your back with ease. it wasn’t too harsh though, as she was scared she may hurt you. you laid there on the bed feeling yourself up to release some tension as she walked to the side of the bed.

“come here.” she commanded, causing you to turn your body to be positioned in front of her. you’re assuming this was the position she wanted you in as she climbed onto the bed. it would look the best on video. her getting a clear shot of how she stroked you so elegantly with the strap on she had been hiding underneath her sweatpants. it didn’t hit you until now why it was so nice to grind against her.

she lifted your legs up and got the perfect view of just how perfect and vulnerable you truly were. your entrance was begging for her to make her way in but she couldn't grant it that pleasure yet. shuri wanted to look at you a little while longer. she wanted to take in how beautiful you looked in your purest form. she admired your stretch marks and the way your stomach formed a crease or two while having your legs bent back. if she had the chance to, she would keep you constantly by her side forever, just so she could look at you for hours. she admired your birthmark and your little moles that adorned the most private places on your skin. she loved how your skin sparkled in the night stars due to the cocoa butter lotion you religiously lathered yourself in.

you were like a forbidden fruit that she craved more of with each passing day. she was sure you were created by bast herself despite you not being of wakandan origin. that didn’t matter to shuri though. she was sure bast put you here just so that she could know what true love and adoration felt like. even while you were going through a little rocky situation with your relationship, her feelings never faltered. you were both sure you could get through anything and that moments like these were to help with that.

she slowly pushed herself into you which caused you to moan. they were slow and steady strokes. shuri did not want to overload you with anything too fast. she wanted to show you with every movement how lucky she was to have you and love on you.

“faster... just a little bit faster, please.” you managed to get out between your soft moaning. of course shuri obliged and began thrusting faster while digging her fingernails deep into your thighs.

the extra pinch from her fingernails was beginning to push you over the edge. she cooed to you calling you her beautiful angel or sweet girl as you whimpered and cried out for her to go faster or slower. at one point you had switched positions into one where you were in her lap being pushed up and down her strap. you didn’t need to be guided for long though as you began making your own movements as she continued grabbing onto your hips. your head was nestled deep within her neck as you struggled to keep your breathing evened.

then finally her stroked began getting deeper and deeper. this was what really sent you over the edge. she was hitting every thrust like she was following the beat of a song. you could feel yourself be lifted up from her lap a little every time she did it. something about this intimate act could not compared to the others you two have shared. you asked her to make love to you and thats exactly what she was doing. before you two had just been fucking, simply having sex. this was so much more emotional and powerful and truly you felt like it couldn’t get any better than this.

“i’m c-coming!” you managed to get out of your lips as shuri thrusted faster and faster. your moaning and breathing became utterly uncontrollable as you let yourself melt in her touch. she could feel herself coming up on her release too from the strap’s material rubbing against her and your beautiful moans. at some point you forgot the camera was even rolling, too in tune with every thrust and grunt shuri had been making as she did it.

you soon came undone beneath her with a final moan and gasp for air. you kept your head nestled in her neck as your back arched and she continued to thrust, although slowing down. she had finished shortly after you with her slower strokes. those had always finished her off like clockwork which you found amusing. however, you much too tired to even giggle at the action. you could still feel the strap inside of you as you remained in her lap.

“my love, i have to get this out of you.” she whispered to you.

“must you? It feels so nice. i could fall asleep just like this.” you whispered back, your voice laced with exhaustion.

she laughed, “i’m sure you could, considering you already are. however, i can not have the ladies come in and see us like this. it would be improper of me.”

you sighed, “i suppose so.”

she helped you get off by slowly taking it out of you and setting you on the side of the bed that you always slept on. you could hear her shuffling around in the background as your eyes refused to stay open. her bed had been so soft and was covered in only the finest sheets made of satin and most likely vibranium.

“here.” she whispered out to you. suddenly you felt a warm towel wiping the inside of your legs and flower. you always loved that she took care of you after. shuri placed a kiss on your forehead before saying, “i love you y/n. rest well for me.”

she didn’t have to tell you twice. as soon as the covers were pulled over you the warmth flowed through your body and put you right to sleep. shuri climbed into bed shortly after you going to sleep, placing another kiss on your forehead before falling into a slumber of her own.

˖⁺｡˚⋆˙✧⋆｡°✩☼⋆｡°✩☽

[ineedtotouchgrassrightnow]

oh my gosh moon sun earth was gut wrenching….im gonna need a part 2 where it’s been years and they’ve become completely strangers and meet again WE NEED A HAPPY ENDING

“You broke me because you were in my life and I will break you because I’m not in your life”

I don’t like being told what to do <3 NO HAPPY ENDINGS HERE

It had been years since Percy had talked to you, and he missed you a lot. He missed everything about you: your hair, your smile, your attitude, your personality, your laughter—everything. He was genuinely getting sick from thinking of you all the time. Nothing else went through his mind other than you, and it was embarrassing. He had pushed you away, rejected your advances to become more than friends. Normally, he could forget about you most of the day... that was until you came back to camp.

You left camp the summer Percy snapped at you, and he lost all contact with you. You blocked him on everything. So when Percy saw you again for the first time in years, it broke him. You had changed so much yet stayed the same. You were taller, more confident, stronger than before, and you looked better. You walked with confidence, knowing your worth, but your hair was the same, your attitude, personality, laughter, sarcasm—the exact same. And yet, Percy stayed the same, and that was putting it nicely. He had changed; yes, he was stronger, but he looked a mess, dark eye bags, eyes filled with regret. He missed you, and he needed you.

He couldn’t help but stare at you when you walked by or played volleyball with the other demigods, or when you shot your bow. His thoughts of you became worse. He had to talk to you, even if that meant sucking up his ego. He walked over to you, blushing at the way you were so focused on the target, nothing but determination behind your eyes. He coughed.

“Y/n…”

Your eyes widened as you quickly put down the bow, refusing to turn your eyes to the speaker.

“…” The silence was loud, too loud. It hurt your ears and his.

“Y-Y/n…” Percy was shocked. Your eyes were filled with hatred; the soft spot behind your eyes for him was gone. Your face showed no signs of entertainment.

“Make it quick, will you?”

“R-Right… sorry. Look, Y/n, I know you’re mad at me, and I think I know why.”

“You think?” You scoffed. “Still can’t take accountability, can you?”

Percy swallowed his spite. “Look, Y/n, I know you’re mad at me. I know I deserved it, but please, I miss you. I miss what we had. I miss being your friend. I’m… nothing without you. I need you!”

“Now you want me?” Your grin got bigger. “You want me! Years after you broke me? You led me on for years and broke me when I was getting too much to handle, and now you want me!?” Your voice was getting louder. “I was someone completely different for you. You’re the reason I don’t know who I am! I don’t know what my favorite drink or my favorite color is. I don’t know my likes or dislikes because I was everything you wanted!”

“I never told you to do that!?”

“You treated me like shit, Percy!” You looked up at him, tears in the corners of your eyes. “I am better without you. I am stronger, and as long as you stay out of my life, I will be bigger than you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, watch your back, Percy… I will become stronger than you… You broke me because you were in my life, and I will break you because I’m not in your life.”

Percy’s heart broke at your words. “Y-You’re kidding, right? Y-You have to be, right!? Please be!?”

“If you excuse me, I have stuff to do.” You turned around, leaving Percy standing alone. He wanted to run after you, hug you at least one more time, but he couldn’t. His feet wouldn’t move.

“Percy…?” A voice filled with betrayal said behind him. Percy turned quickly.

“Annabeth!?”

“What’s wrong with you?” She looked hurt and pissed. “You really started begging like a dog for a girl who doesn’t want you while having a girlfriend? That's pathetic. I expected better of you.”

“I didn’t mean it, I swear. I was just overwhelmed by emotions.”

“Grow up, Percy. I’m not dumb. I don’t want to be your second choice. It’s over.” The way she spat out "it’s over" sent him over the edge.

“Wait, Annabeth!?” He ran to her side only to be knocked down. “Don’t touch me EVER again!” She snapped at him. “I will break each one of your fingers if you try that again,” she threatened and started walking back to her cabin. “Mom was right… Men suck.” She sighed before tearing up slightly.

[elslittlestories]

The Bad Autistic Batch

I've had this in the back of my head for a while and finaly took the time to write it down. It's a mix of observtions and headcanons I guess? On how I feel like the 4 original members of the Bad Batch are all autistic af!

Tech

The obvious one. He said it himself, his brain doesn’t process thoughts and moments the way most people do.

He has a hard time identifying his feelings and therefore tends to push them away and rely on logic and rational thoughts, which always come easy and loud in his mind.

Very gifted, he’s too smart to care about social rules and never bothered to learn cues and small talk. He was created to solve problems, people shouldn’t expect anything else from him. He comes off as cold and obnoxious to most people, always speaks bluntly without thinking of the effect of his words on the person opposite him. Simply because it doesn’t occur naturally to him that some truth might need sugarcoating.

He’s a self-taught everything, with infinite curiosity and thirst for knowledge. He gets bored fast though and will skip from one subject to another as soon as he feels like he’s mastered it. He’ll get REALLY excited if you ask him questions about anything.

He doesn’t care about his looks, as long as it’s practical, he’s good with any outfits. Although, he’ll wear comfy clothes whenever he can. His hair is kept just long enough so that he can slick them back with gel and get them stuck with his goggles’ headband.

To self-sooth, he relies on his sound databank—he can listen to a record on a loop for hours—and mental games such as counting backward from 1 million with only prime numbers. Tapping on his datapad is probably also a sort of stimming.

Outside of his brothers, he has a hard time maintaining a relationship, may they be platonic or not. To start, he doesn’t really understand the concept of different types of relationships. He’s oblivious to most hints of interest and needs someone—Wrecker—to point it out. He’ll panic, be really awkward about it, overshare to hide his fluster…until he figures out what makes you tick and weaponizes it!

Crosshair

In case there were any doubt, he’s a neat freak. He NEEDS his stuff to be in the right place, as much as he needs routine and discipline to control his stress level. Even though his military training has taught him how to deal with the unexpected, he has a hard time dealing with change.

If given the choice, he’d only wear his blacks. The tightness of the fabric is comforting and he doesn’t have to think about assembling an outfit or whatever. He cuts his hair every week, the same exact way, from left to right, then the backside of his head.

He won’t eat new food unless his hunger is life threatening, not because of sensory issues but because his transit is a bigger drama queen than he is!

He’s the most emotionally immature of the squad and used to have the wildest mood swings. He became good at keeping a stern straight face once he realized people would use it as a way to arm him. He’s also the most stubborn: good luck trying to change his mind on anything.

On a general basis, he hates people. Especially the one that wants to touch him! The only person allowed to hug him is Wrecker, because there’s no stopping him anyway. He may go mute when overwhelmed, hence the number of fights he got himself into rather than have a talk. With time and around the right people, he might get better at dealing with his feelings, but for now it’s easier to just avoid people, since they’re the one causing said feelings.

Maintaining any sort of relationship is close to impossible outside of his brothers. It takes a very special person—like Echo—to get his affection and respect. Romantic feeling are out of his bucket list, he finds the concept of flirting ridiculous anyway. If you want to be with him, just say it! He’ll probably reject you, the man has some heavy attachment/abandonment issues to sort out first. Trust Omega to help with that, so maybe one day…

Wrecker

THE emotionally mature one of the squad! Feelings are always intense for him and he wears them on his face. He’ll cry for anything, but since he can break your spine with his bare hands, people usually don’t make fun of him out loud.

He has huge difficulties in learning practical stuff—he was the last to speak clearly and read—and won’t do anything good with verbal instructions if they go longer than 5 to 10 words. He’s good with his hands, though, and once Tech got him into the marvelous world of explosives, he became unstoppable. Even Tech will admit Wrecker is the expert in the matter.

Another thing he was quick to learn, thanks to his emotional awareness and Hunter’s help, was how to read people. If only to stop being played! It might also be the secret to their squad sticking together despite their differences and hot temper.

He’s very open about needing "autistic joy", such as eating his favorite snack, listening to a song on a loop and watching things blow up. It tends to make him look childish. His brothers are very protective over this and make sure nothing prevents Wrecker to enjoying his sweet nothings.

He loves to isolates for an hour or two, to watch his favorite holovids, but is otherwise very touchy feely. Hugs sooth him a lot when he’s stressed out. If he can’t get one, he’ll rely on singing his favorite tune or repeating a word in his head. He used to do it out loud when he was a kid but it drove his brothers mad so he internalized it.

He can handle a flirt, although he has a hard time catching a hint. It’s easier to notice someone’s interest on others than himself, probably because of his lack of self-esteem. He’d most likely be a very clingy partner.

Hunter

AKA the king of masking. He may look as close to normal as a defective clone can be, in control of himself, but take a step into his mind and you’ll be surprised.

First of all, he has HUGE sensory issues, no doubt worsened by his genetic enhancement. He has learned to tough it out and ignore the strong reaction some textures or smell or sounds causes him to experience. But they tend to turn into stress. He’s constantly devoured by anxiety and fear—of anything from touching that one thing that will overstimulate him so much he won’t be able to function, to making a bad call that cause one of his brother’s death—and there’s no amount of spinning his knife that can sooth it.

He relies on rules and discipline to get a sense of control, even though one might argue his sense of both those concepts is not exactly by the book. It tends to help with tuning down his emotions as well. Just like every sensory input is loud to him, his feeling can be deafening and mastering them was mandatory to become the squad leader.

It was with that in mind that he became an expert in social behaviors. Mostly unconsciously, he studied everyone around him to learn how to hold himself and how to read the room. Despite him being naturally introverted, you’ll often find him chatting with the various captains his squad was assigned to work with. Told you, he’s a king of masking.

On the rare occasions he failed to contain his emotions—bursts of anger on the battlefield aside—it came out loud and violent. Took Wrecker to squeeze him in his arms for Hunter to calm down.

One thing he couldn’t learn this way is flirting. He can’t do it for his life, despite being the receiver of numerous attempts from various species. Maybe it’s because of his sensory issues, but the idea of sex is of no appeal to him and he has never felt something strong enough to be called romantic love. That stuff is just not for him, he feels contempt with his brothers and Omega.

Oh, and the bandana is just an excuse for no easy hair routine. Give him one reason to get out of his armor and blacks, and he’ll slip into floppy clothes in a heartbeat.

Last but not least, all four of them have a STRONG sens of justice—although sometime missplaced—and prefers staying home rather than being anywhere else, wherever home may be.

[midwinterhunt]

Notice: Hostiles inbound. All non-combatants evacuate.

The automated evacuation notice only ever meant that all the humans were too busy to give real instruction. Did we have time to evacuate? Hell, did we have enough manpower to hold off the Imps long enough for the others to escape?

I was on my feet and sprinting through our temp base to thrown on some armor and grab a weapon faster than anyone else could even head to the rear escape. I couldn't have been much more than fourteen at the time. Just a kid who was armoring up next to the adults of Phoenix Squadron.

A hand wrapped around my wrist and stopped me reaching for a blaster, "What do you think you're doing?"

I looked up, "Commander." He was a full head taller than me, "Cadet Parsco, reporting for duty!"

From the look of disbelief, irritation, and concern on his face, this isn't the answer he wanted. "I made you a cargo pilot because you're smart! That doesn't make you a cadet! Get out of here with the civilians!"

And I just stood there gaping at him like a fish. A fish whose voice cracked when he tried to argue, "But Sir! I'm as good a shot as anyone! I'm a fighter! I can help!"

"You're not a real-"

On pure reflex I bared my teeth, "A real what?"

The ground shook and rocks fell from the ceiling above. A woman, a pilot of one of our few stolen fighters, slid to a stop behind the Commander, "Phoenix Leader! They're here! The civilians are in the tunnels, we need to lead the Imperial units away."

"I'm on my way!" The Commander said, and he crouched to be just shorter than me. "We're out of time. You're not really a soldier yet, but I can't let you get killed. Stay close to me, shoot the enemy, get my ship ready to fly by the time I get in. Got it?" He gave me a blaster rifle and sprinted toward the fight.

That was my first battle. And it was chaos. Well, okay, it was one of the easier battles I've lived through, but at the time I was scared shitless and overwhelmed with confusion. I only took one shot, to the leg, and Phoenix Leader had to finish our way to the ship carrying me. It was also my first time shooting a man. A Stormtrooper tried to drag me out of the ship while Phoenix Leader got us in the air. And we both learned the reason the Alliance never stole Imperial Imperial armor. When I shot that man in the helmet visor it went right through and into his face.

My Commander praised me, but I'd felt sick. I couldn't eat a full meal for weeks, and that was the first time I really had a bad nightmare flare up.

I wouldn't say it got easier to kill, but I learned how to deal with it. When you're in a war, you don't have time to process the guilt of everyone whose life you take. Instead I became a better shot, a better pilot, a better thief. I made buddies who went with me to liberate prisoners, supplies, and ships. We hit the Empire any chance we got. And some days, like today, we end up in a bigger fight than we expected.

This was shortly after losing Purple squad. And only days after losing Rin. I... wasn't in the best headspace. I was keeping watch while other Alliance members landed on a small moon to mine some raw fuel, since buying it wasn't an option atm. Unfortunately, in Imperial space, even mining it yourself isn't entirely safe.

Three Imp scout ships picked us up on scans and closed in. "Bogies inbound! Wrap it up and move out!" It was me and three other fighters escorting a freighter. We outnumbered the Imps, we were all confident we could get out without trouble.

Never be confident.

I won't bore you with space battle details. It was really standard distraction stuff to let our freighter pilot and crew escape with the fuel. Right up until the Imp reinforcements arrived. We had to switch to a defensive position on a dime, TIEs overwhelming and blocking us in.

Whatever commander was in charge of this sector must have heard Rebel ships were here and assumed we were a serious operation because no one brings in an entire star destroyer for a squad of five small ships.

I saw one of us shot down and another break free before my fighter took a hit to the left engine. I lost control and careened into a TIE fighter. With the way my head snapped, I was pretty sure I had whiplash. However, that was not high on my priority list. I had a much bigger fucking problem; namely: Me and that TIE were spiraling toward the planet entirely out of control.

Oh yeah.

And I had crashed into it and we were now stuck, so I couldn't even crash gently.

I got my systems back online as we entered the atmosphere. My systems promptly starting screaming warnings at me. Like, no shit dipstick, I don't need told about my imminent demise I need my remaining engine to-

Oh yeah that's better.

My thruster fired up enough to get some control over my downward spiral.

Yes that was literal, but it was also applicable to my mental state.

I managed to get my ship in a strong enough spin to break off from the TIE, which was good. But the ground was still on a fast approach, which was bad.

I pulled up hard, and leveled out just enough to aim my crash into a small lake, which was great.

Even in the water, the impact slammed me forward again and now i was sinking into the water, which massively sucked. Namely because I never learned how to fucking swim.

Yeah I know shut up, I grew up in space alright?

This is why I keep a rebreather on me.

I put the rebreather in my mouth and unbuckled my harness, and before I could think better of it I opened the hatch. Water rushed in and tugged me in a spiral before it settled.

Something they don't depict in holotapes: opening your eyes under water is fucking hard. And even if you manage it you can't see shit. Oh, and on top of that a rebreather goes in your mouth only, and you have to learn to keep water from going up your nose so I still almost drowned anyway before I managed to get my fingers to hold my nose closed.

Yay me.

I blindly dragged myself along the lake bed with one hand for however long that took until I finally crawled up to shore and just flopped onto my back in the mud. And in an ideal world I would just be stranded. But this is me, and I've never had an ounce of good luck in my life.

"Letting them escape is NOT an option! Sweep the area again!" That was the voice of some bucket head captain. Wonderful.

I got to my feet like a drenched loth cat and made my way into the trees. (And if you say I should have gone back into the water I will shoot you I swear.)

Apparently while I was submerged several other troopers had landed and recovered the crash survivor and were now looking for me. And I was fairly certain they figured out where I crashed because they hovered over the lake for a scan. I went the opposite direction.

I assume the Imps picked up my footprints because a squad of them tried to pin my down and capture me.

Emphasis on tried.

I still had my blaster pistol on me which was more than enough to take out five bucket heads. The idiots hadn't even thought they needed to call in backup.

The sun set and it began to grow dark and chilly. It almost felt like this portion of the planet was in early autumn. That wasn't ideal for someone who was still damp from a swim a couple hours ago. I found an outcropping of rock to shelter under. Above me I heard TIEs make sweeps of the area. I flipped them off.

It's normal for me to be sleepless, even more so when I'm in hostile terrain. So I was instantly alert when I heard footsteps above me on top of my rocky roof. I readied my blaster, and barely breathed.

I heard a branch break, then the sound of loose stones giving way, then a scream, then a body came crashing down not two meters away from me. He groaned, we made eye contact, he jumped to his knees and fumbled his blaster before managing to point it at me with shaky hands.

"Don't move!" I barked, my barrel pointing at his face.

And I got a good look at him. He was wearing TIE pilot armor, his badly damaged helmet lay nearby. From the bruise on his head I could tell the damned thing hadn't protected him like it should. He was probably the pilot I had dragged into a crash earlier. He looked younger than me by a few years.

There was a moment where we just pointed our blasters at each other. I hesitated, he hesitated. He clearly didn't know how to handle a standoff, I did. I knew I should shoot first. My breath hitched. I shouldn't hesitate. Young or not, he was a soldier for the Empire. They had taken everything from me.

A glint in the edge of my vision tore my attention for a split second. A silvery bird landed on a branch just above us, its feathers reflecting the moon so brightly it was like a little star.

And then, our little outcrop echoed with a gentle tune. The bird sang softly, both of us were uneasy, but we didn't surrender or break are stares.

Then more of the same birds settled in and joined in harmony. Soon there was dozens of voices, singing to us as if this was a warm summer day and not a chilly dark night waiting for blood to spill.

And then I saw it. He wasn't just a kid, he was barely a cadet. Probably the age I was in my first battle. He looked like this was his first time facing an enemy in real life. And he looked terrified. I remembered that feeling. That fear of being scared to die, but scared to kill. The feeling when you realize a fight to the death isn't like the motivational speeches of your leaders. That being here changed who you are forever.

Sometimes I still get that feeling.

Like right now.

A chorus of birdsong embraced us and carried through the trees. It felt like we were falling again, spiraling together from someplace high into our inevitable deaths. But we had survived it once, and standing there with nature itself coming to soothe us, I knew that we could do it again.

This boy wasn't personally responsible for anything I'd gone through. I knew I didn't want my own anger and grief to bait me into mutual destruction.

I slowly lowered my blaster and he tense, his finger twitching on his trigger. I crouched down onto one knee and held my hands out, "I don't want to kill you."

I could see him trembling, his breath picking up pace. His eyes darted around at all the warmly singing birds, then he lowered his rifle and took a faltering step back.

I released a tense breath. "Thank you. You don't belong to the Empire. They will make you kill until you grow numb to it, they will make you hate anyone who is different, they will strip you of who you are. Believe me, you don't want to go back."

He had tears in his eyes, then we both heard more troopers getting closer, talking into their comms. I whipped my head and blaster behind me to make sure we weren't in sight, and when I turned back to convince that pilot to join the Rebellion, he was already almost completely gone through the trees.

Maybe he was running, but I believe running toward your freedom is an acceptable reason to flee.

I still haven't seen that boy again, but I hope he's living a peaceful life somewhere. He taught me an important lesson that night. He showed me that I can't imagine my enemy as a purely evil faceless monster. No. They are many fairly average people who buy into the propaganda and choose to fight for what they think they deserve.

[song]

[asmilinghopelessromantic]

Beautifully put and fair to both.

I really love your last paragraph:

Friendships aren’t just about being there for your friend, about listening and giving them what you think they need but also about allowing your friend to be there for you. To allow them to truly know you: your fears, your sadness, your hopes and dreams. That’s the only way for a friendship to thrive.

This might just be a me thing (and you might have mentioned it but I have the memory of a goldfish and the cold brew is hitting me so beware of grammar, spelling, or words missing or too many words and the general rambling/disorganizeness of this reblog) but I understand why Penelope kept LW from Eloise (doesn't justify the gaslighting and keeping it away from Eloise). Penelope wanted something just for herself. Something that she didn't have to share with anyone because we know how little agency women had back then. (And as having siblings myself where I had to share so much with them that when I got something for myself, I wanted to keep it to myself for a while before it became not just mine) (p.s. I know Penelope and Eloise are not biological sisters).

CW: talk of ab*se, self-hatred

I'm also glad you mentioned Penelope's low self-esteem (really self-hatred, imho) and family dynamics. Because I was getting ready to not excuse her choices but to bring a point of compassion/understanding. This is part of the reason I identify with her so much. Growing up in a toxic family dynamic and that fed into my low self-esteem issues, I get why Pen wanted an outlet that was all her own. A place where she could be the brave and witty person she is because her family constantly showed and told her how little she mattered to the world. From experience even having a welcoming and loving family like the Bridgertons doesn't fix anything (completely) because you (in general you, not specifically you) feel like you don't deserve their affection and are always waiting for the other shoe to drop for them to realize you actually are everything your family shown and told you are. Imposter syndrome. It's hard to believe their genuineness and love because all you know is the opposite. It's also hard to accept it.

I'm reminded of a bit from one of Taylor Tomlinson's comedy specials about treating people like you are expecting them to betray you and when they do, you feel vindicated and validated in your suspicions. Penelope is a self-fulfilling prophecy. She treated Eloise (at least in regards to LW) like her sisters treated her, so Penelope feels vindicated when Eloise rightfully calls her out.

You mentioned, and rightly so, that Penelope never fully trusted Eloise definitely not with LW or her being in love with her brother. (There aren't many people Penelope trusts but out of the whole world, she definitely trusts Eloise and Colin the most.) She doesn't even trust herself. Again, it can be traced back to her ab*sive childhood.

Remember at the end of 1x8 when Penelope is running away, fighting tears after hearing Colin's plans to travel and how it was her who inspired him. Eloise catches her and asks if she's okay but she brushes off Eloise's genuine concern.

Penelope is so used to pushing feelings down and repressing her emotions but this was different. She was at a ball, her crush's sister's ball and all of her emotions and feelings came crashing and needed to get tf out of there so she could be alone to let it out and process it. In a rare moment of vulnerability, she comes over to her friend's house and allows herself to cry/breakdown in front of Eloise and lets her hold her. She's crying because Colin is leaving. She's crying because her dad died, not only that but also how she was told. She's crying because she was almost caught by people at the Queen's behest. She's crying because she's exhausted and overwhelmed and tired of being strong. (I know Nicola said it was bc of Colin leaving, I believe don't quote me, but I think it's much bigger than that.)

It’s only by her decision to be vulnerable and open that she can actually mend her relationship with Eloise. 

YES, exactly! I will add that Eloise needs to be in a place where she can receive Penelope's vulnerability. Which I believe she is almost there if not all the way.

Penelope's anger and viciousness. It's compounded. One, women of the time couldn't express hardly any "ugly" emotions because it was frowned upon to be anything but polite and submissive. So we have Penelope, for the most part, repressing her anger/frustration about her place as a woman in the world. Two, growing up Penelope took the ab*se and internalized the anger toward her family, which she didn't want and/or couldn't express (again it's in part bc of the abuse and toxic family dynamics).

We also got a glimpse at her resentment and jealousy towards Eloise (and Colin to some extent). Another thing she has been feeling whether consciously or subconsciously. Jealous of the pretty privilege. Jealous of how much their family loves and likes one another. Jealous of their financial security. Since then, she hasn't confided in Eloise about her jealousy and let Eloise in a little bit.

So in Whistledown, she gets an outlet (aka coping mechanism) to release her anger and frustration at her family and society and herself. She wants to be the person who stands up for herself and is confident and she is frustrated that she perceives she can't be that person. When she says the disparaging or slights against herself, she's actually being vulnerable and sharing her insecurities.

I'm not sure if anyone has talked about it but (in addition to her not wanting Eloise to find out her identity) I think Penelope was feeling insecure about Eloise's friendship with Theo; Penelope might have thought Eloise would abandon or leave her behind for someone better. Another common feeling/anxiety associated with people who have had similar childhood experiences as Penelope.

What I'm trying to get at is that when one grows up in a toxic and abusive home with those dynamics on display and hasn't processed them (LOL but not really @ mental health treatments of the time), they often unconsciously or consciously carry those coping and defense mechanisms with them. It affects one's relationships with others and their self. Penelope is the poster child example.

Let me state this again:

I am not absolving Penelope of consequences or condoning her actions. I am merely giving context as to why (I think) Penelope is the way she is and why she does what she does. Because formerly ab*sed kids turned adults who haven't worked through their trauma are bound to keep using the same defense and unhealthy coping mechanisms intentionally/consciously or unintentionally/subconsciously hurting themself and those around them.

And yes, not everything can be traced to her ab*sive childhood (within the house and growing up in society). But almost all? Uh-huh, sure can.

I wanted to end on a happier or more hopeful note. They will find their way back to one another. Because they are best friends, soul sisters. And their relationship will be stronger for it.

A defense of Eloise Bridgerton and her friendship with Penelope Featherington

I should probably start this post by pointing out the fact that I’m not the biggest Eloise fan out there. In fact Eloise has consistently annoyed me for two seasons straight with her I’m “not like other girls” shtick and the writers using her as a prop for modern feminist talking points. 

Mostly what I disliked about Eloise was the bluntness and lack of charm used to put across the themes of women’s role in recency society and the lack of options for girls not interested in playing the marriage mart mind games. 

Jane Austen, for example, makes many of the same points regarding women in her novels but instead of beating us over the head with it, she uses wit, eloquence and wisdom to get her points across. 

But, above all, I disliked just how self involved Eloise was, what a major chip on her shoulder she had. She’s a privileged girl from an immensely powerful and rich family that spends her days whining and being dismissive of everyone around her. 

She spends most of season 1 picking fights with Daphne for no reason and the second season making fun of Colin and running around town like a chicken without a head not so much because she wants to find out who Lady Whistledown is but because she’s bored and wants something to do (something other than talking to men potentially interested in marrying her because she’s gay she’s not like other girls). 

Even as I’m writing this, I’m questioning whether I’m even the right person to defend Eloise because, as you can clearly tell, I don’t much care for her. But I do think Polin and Penelope fans are really misjudging Eloise and wanting to make her the villain of season 3 due to her resentment towards Penelope and her anger at the Polin engagement.

So I guess I have to be the hero without a cape in this instance. 

Here it goes …

It’s very easy to look at the friendship between Eloise and Penelope in season 1 and 2 and conclude that Eloise has always been a bad friend to Penelope. After all, almost every scene they have together is about Eloise, her interests and passions, her frustrations at the ton and the marriage mart, her inability to fit in with societal expectations, her quest to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown etc, etc. There’s almost never room for Penelope to even get a word in because Eloise talks and talks and keeps on talking. 

But I’d like to put forth another interpretation and say that perhaps this dynamic in the relationship isn’t all on Eloise. That it’s Penelope herself that prefers it that way. That she’d much rather talk about Eloise and her issues than to reveal anything truly meaningful or vulnerable about herself. 

A scene that supports this theory is the scene they have in season 2, episode 1: 

This is about as open and vulnerable Penelope ever is with Eloise and in this scene we can observe several things: 

Despite her being more open than usual, Penelope is still lying to Eloise. She talks about how she enjoys being a wallflower because she can have all the fun without the pressure that comes with being in the spotlight. In reality we know Penelope would love to be in the spotlight but is frightened of being rejected. She’s not having fun hugging the wall at all and yet she’s unable to share that with her friend. 

As soon as Penelope opens up, albeit only partially, Eloise is quick to notice that, despite pretending not to enjoy the balls and the marriage mart, Penelope actually likes all of these things. This shows not only that she knows Penelope pretty well (as well as Penelope herself will allow Eloise to know her) but that, despite disagreeing on the topic, she’s supportive of Penelope and listens to her. 

It’s also worth comparing the way Eloise behaves with Penelope vs. the way she behaves with Cressida in season 3. 

Cressida and Eloise’s relationship is much more balanced and equal because Cressida stands up for herself, pushes back at Eloise when she needs to (like explaining why she needs to marry Lord Debling despite not being compatible) or when Eloise accuses her of telling everyone about Colin helping Penelope find a husband. 

And Eloise learns to adjust. She becomes a more supportive friend, sharing her knowledge of birds so that Cressida can impress Lord Debling, making conversation with him when Cressida doesn’t know what to say and coming to her house to visit her and offer support. 

My point is: Eloise is not perfect. She’s self involved and dismissive of things she isn’t personally interested in but is willing to put in the work for a friend if said friend is honest with her about what they need from their friendship. 

Which leads us back to Penelope. Eloise is the most meaningful relationship in her life (Colin is as well but that’s a much more fraught relationship for Penelope because she wants to be lovers not friends) and yet she refuses to share the two most important aspects of her life with her friend: her love for Colin and her being Lady Whistledown. 

Let’s leave Colin to the side for now because Eloise being his sister complicates matters as far as Penelope telling her she’s in love with him. 

But why doesn’t she tell Eloise about Lady Whistledown? Particularly in season 1, when she’s just starting to write the scandal sheet. She has no idea where Lady Whistledown will even lead, if she’ll keep going etc. She’s basically doing it because she’s a writer and she wants to have fun talking about the society she knows so well. 

So why not share the fun with her friend? It’s pretty clear Eloise doesn’t even know Penelope is a writer and hasn’t seen anything she ever wrote before Lady Whistledown because, otherwise, she’d know it was Penelope doing it. 

Also let’s not forget that, in season 1, Eloise was Lady Whitledown’s number 1 fan. She can’t stop talking about how amazing and brilliant she is. 

And yet Penelope says nothing. She’d rather grin proudly behind Eloise’s back than go: “Actually this woman you like so much … I am she. She is me.”

She again fails to do it in season 2, despite knowing that Eloise helped her in escaping the queen’s men at the end of season 1. 

And then the worst part of their friendship begins as the pressure from the queen mounts and Eloise is more and more determined to find out the identity of Lady Whistledown. Penelope chooses to gaslight and manipulate Eloise for weeks.

It’s not just Eloise’s relationship with Theo and her attending political meetings that put her in harm’s way and eventually forces Lady Whistledown to write about her in order for the Queen to stop suspecting Eloise. It’s Penelope’s refusal to be honest with her friend. 

Penelope is so determined to keep Eloise in the dark that even at the end of season 2, when she walks into her bedroom and sees Eloise, she still tries to gaslight her one last time. 

Penelope: You’ve been reading too much Whistledown. Her voice is echoing in your head. 

Penelope is stuck in a pattern of toxic behavior because that’s what she’s learned to do from her family. She cannot be honest about Lady Whistledown or anything truly meaningful, despite how hard it is for her to remain isolated and in the shadows: 

Penelope: You have no idea how horrible it has felt to keep this from you! From everyone! For so long. 

It’s no wonder that, in their fight scene, Eloise tells her: 

Eloise: I do not even know you. 

That’s because Penelope herself has made it so that the people closest to her, Eloise and Colin, don’t actually know the real her. She’s given each of them what she thought they wanted and needed (she’s very similar to Colin in that way) but not enough of the real her.

So when the Lady Whistledown revelation happens, there’s nothing for Eloise to fall back on in order to try and understand Penelope. 

All of a sudden her best friend feels like a stranger. A stranger that has exposed her intimate affairs to the whole world and who tells her this: 

Penelope: At least I did something. All you ever do is talk about doing something. You have all of these great ambitions, these great plans but I am the one who actually did something great and you can’t stand it, can you? 

Now, because we, as the audience, are privy to Penelope’s inner world and we know just how riddled with low self-esteem she is and how she’s used to those closest to her being dismissive of her or her achievements, it’s easy for us to see that Penelope tells Eloise this in anger. Particularly after Eloise tells her:

Eloise: I look at you now and all I feel is pity for you. Sequestered here, in this very room, writing your secret little scandal sheet, tarnishing everyone in town all because you are too afraid to stand up for yourself in reality. You are something else, Penelope. An insipid wallflower, indeed. 

Eloise’s words hit too close to home. Too close to the reality of Penelope’s isolation and fear of being alone and abandoned so she hurts Eloise back the only way she can. By pointing to the fact that despite talking and talking endlessly about all the great things women, and she in particular, could be doing, Eloise isn’t actually doing anything. 

Basically, these two manage to hurt each other worse than anyone else could because they’re best friends, because they know each other and what makes the other one tick. 

But from Eloise’s perspective? In this moment, where she’s been betrayed by her best friend? Well, Penelope doesn’t feel like a friend at all. She feels like someone who got close to her only to exploit her so she could write a scandal sheet and make money off of her misery: 

Eloise: This was personal. 

Penelope: Eloise, I’m so sorry. I was only trying to protect you. 

Eloise: Is that what you were doing? By writing about me in your latest sheet? By telling the entire world about things I trusted you with? [...] The only person you were interested in saving was yourself. All so you could keep making money at the cost to everyone else. At a cost to Miss Thompson. To my brother. To my entire family. To your entire family. [...] All because of your self serving manipulations. 

Which brings us to Eloise’s reaction to the closeness between Colin and Penelope and the announcement of their engagement. 

To Eloise’s credit, since their fight, she’s tried her hardest to be an adult and not punish Penelope more than she needs to. She’s very hurt by what her friend did and she can’t trust her but she also doesn’t want to hurt Pen.

She’s kept the Lady Whistledown secret and refuses to tell Colin why their friendship fell apart because she doesn’t want Penelope to lose the one friend she still has. 

She also misses Penelope which is why she ends up telling Cressida about Colin helping her find a husband. She’s trying to figure out what’s going on with her friend and the only way Eloise knows how to figure stuff out is by talking … and talking … and talking … in full earshot of everyone at the ball. 

But despite all of this, as far as she knows, Penelope is still the girl that divulged her secrets, ruined Marina Thompson’s reputation and hurt Colin, not only by revealing Marina’s pregnancy but by taking cheap shots at him only weeks before her brother waltzes into the Bridgerton drawing room to announce he’s engaged to Penelope Featherington. 

What kind of sister would Eloise be if she wasn’t angry at Penelope for that? If she didn’t want Colin to find out the truth as soon as possible? 

Personally, I think she’s showing real restraint. She cares so much about Penelope that she’s not dragging her brother into the study the moment she hears the engagement news to tell him that he’s about to marry the dreaded Lady Whistledown. 

Which brings us back to my earlier point: Penelope never trusted Eloise enough to tell her she was in love with Colin. Maybe if Eloise knew that Penelope has had a crush on Colin since she was 10 years old, she might be able to understand this engagement better. 

But from her viewpoint, all she’s likely to see is that Colin is an impulsive romantic who once again has gotten engaged to a girl who is lying to him and using him to avoid social ostracization. 

I know that by the end of the season Eloise and Penelope will have mended their relationship and they will go back to being the besties we know they are.

But what I would love to see in part 2 of the season is Penelope actually being brave and honest with the two people that she loves most in the world. Not just about her being Lady Whistledown but about the reasons why she became Lady Whistledown. It’s only by her decision to be vulnerable and open that she can actually mend her relationship with Eloise. 

Friendships aren’t just about being there for your friend, about listening and giving them what you think they need but also about allowing your friend to be there for you. To allow them to truly know you: your fears, your sadness, your hopes and dreams. That’s the only way for a friendship to thrive.

[f3ralblog]

Scope Creep

I once had a dream to unify Pittsburgh’s music scene.

Me and my friend group of twenty-something musicians were IN IT for a couple of years. We created a project called the Attic Music Group, which brought local, attention-deserving artists to a recording space we created at the house I used to live in (can you guess where in the house?!). We would gather whatever musicians were willing and able to create an arrangement of the artists’ music. We’d then film all of us performing together, where the artist was featured with a live band. Sometimes we even conducted live performances, well before the COVID-19 era of Zoom and Fortnite concerts. Online concerts were still happening then, but with nowhere near the attention and infrastructure that exists for them today.

The genre never mattered, by the way! We’d always figure a way to highlight the artists’ strengths, and give them some content to boot. Our goal with this was just visibility, but we worked diligently to make connections that could take a “local” artist and expand their reach. This meant we attended PR classes at local colleges, connected with A&R from the city, and reached out to the appropriate media/press.

And then, inevitably, our project fizzled out. Perhaps it was lack of interest. The core team started to split off into their own interests. Thus the Attic Music Project, in all of its lofty goals, fizzled out. Just a YouTube channel with some great music, great arrangements, beautiful lighting, and the memory of a hard-working [didn’t even mention this, but VOLUNTEER] creative staff.

We had taken the charge, like so many misguided young Pittsburghers and Pittsburgh-adjacent folks, to try and build the music industry infrastructure that we all agree is severely lacking in this town.

It didn’t pan out — Too much for us to handle.

I’ve now worked on a few big projects throughout my musical career. In the Attic’s wake, my band, Feralcat and the Wild, became my main creative priority. I began by getting the band together, learning the material, and releasing it in 2019. In 2020, we got asked to be a featured artist at SxSW, which sadly ended up getting cancelled because of growing concern over COVID-19. The band didn’t really want to shell out time and effort on an album during the pandemic, so I shifted gears to make something bigger, more ambitious and eventually more satisfying.

Thus came Disassembly, my ongoing video game musical endeavor that has me stressed to this day. I decided that I wanted to create a soundtrack to a video game that didn’t exist yet, meaning I would have to learn how to make one. Two and a half years after the first song of Disassembly was written, and I am still in the early stages of this particular project. It is, without a doubt, too much for me to handle.

I’ve always been a voracious learner, so the idea of learning “how to build my dream game” was exciting. I learned about video editing, digital design, game engines and coding. While I accept myself to be an amateur in all of these specialties, I am happy to continue growing. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t shoot myself in the foot by starting Disassembly with such high expectations.

The problem is a little project management concept called scope creep. As I learned more and more of what I didn’t know about game creation, I became overwhelmed. I burned out HARD.

Scope creep, generally, is when ideas get too big for your britches. In other words, you’ve bitten off more than you can chew with your project. With scope creep, the excitement for the end product is not enough to motivate you to do all of the work that’s in between. Without external motivators (i.e. deadlines), the intent behind the project slowly fades into a resentment and self-hatred. The project will likely be shelved, and you’re filled with regret and fixated on how much time you spent on something you’ll never finish.

I write this as a warning. I’m gifted with willpower, and a stoic need to be a polymath, but ultimately I should have started with a smaller project. I wish I had a solution, but my brain just goes “dream smaller.” Realistically, I should have begun with very basic game development projects to start to build a portfolio and the hard skills needed to complete the larger works.

I am finding my way through the messy loathing of it all, but pacing myself and setting realistic goals would have had me moving through Disassembly’s workload much faster. Small, achievable goals are KING.

[teenandbeyond]

Can I request a part 2 of the senku x tattooed reader? More of his fluffy feelings(sometimes naughty thoughts) and how he would confess and what would happen after

Senku x Fem. Tattooed Reader

Hc today bc...just bc

Want more from me? Masterlist 2

Warning(s): D word

Part 1

☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆☆*: .｡. .｡.:*☆

Senku was honestly doing his best to happily be in denial

His absolute best

Just trying to convince himself, no way, you don't have irrational feelings for this woman

That tingly feeling you get when you have your daily teasing banter is just amusement

How warm your body suddenly got when she put her arm around you was because humans were warm-blooded creatures

And his eyes would stray over to you--well, he couldn't give that one an explanation.

But as time passed...he...slowly began to accept these feelings for himself

And it didn't feel as gross or icky as he imagined

He enjoyed it when you got excited about the smallest things

Or when you ranted about some historical event like the total history nerd you were

He did his best to smother grins when he saw you play with the village children

Or when you shared your knowledge with anyone who asked

You managed to make him genuinely laugh once when you mispronounced a word and said a sentence that sounded rather embarrassing.

"No, [Name]. I don't know where the blue dick is."

You covered your mouth, "Oh, that's what I said? Gem. I mean the rock--uh..."

"Left corner," fondly shaking his head he returned to work.

He finds you being startled by spiders adorably ironic considering you handle pain well and don't fear weapons being at your neck.

"Senku, kill it!"

"It's not even bigger than a dime, [Name]."

"Please?!"

Once he accepted his feelings, he became visibly much more flustered when you did things.

Like a simple brushing of your hands

Or that one time he was so zoned out, well you thought anyway, you blew into his ear to bring him back

He was so red that day

But the pureness changed one day when he accidentally came face to face with your bare backside just as you slid into the pond for a bath.

Uh...he'd ask you later...

He'd try to close his eyes and squint, get rid of the image.

But the image was so vivid, why couldn't he have shitty memory?

Now he remembered why romantic feelings were irrational, they got in the way

He couldn't look at you the same after that, your bare back, with the pretty tattoo would come to mind.

He had to control his eyes better whenever he'd realize they were tracing your shape.

And he'd...developed a habit of daydreams

When you'd toss your head back and run a hand through your hair...he'd imagine those lips were parted for him as his trailed down your neck.

When you'd come back from a nice bath, he'd imagine you let him do what scientists love to do, explore and experiment, hypothesize. He had theories he wanted to test.

Seriously, his hormones were becoming too much. He'd never thought like this about a person before you.

When everything became too overwhelming.

Some of it spilled out

He ended up telling you, ready for you to reject him so he could get rid of these silly feelings.

"Look...I've...gained a romantic feeling for you somehow. Reject me now, so we can ten billion percent move on and get over this."

"What if I don't want to reject you?" you challenged.

That wasn't part of his plan

"[Name]. Please don't make this difficult."

You stepped closer, leaning in a little, "What if I want to make it difficult?"

He hated and loved your challenging streak.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, "[Name]. Stop with that already, shut up."

"Make me--"

With speed you hadn't expected from Senku, he had you cornered, red eyes glaring into yours only inches away.

You were utterly stunned, silent.

"I just did."

You couldn't just let the kid win, no, you wouldn't let that happen.

"Did you know that there's a body part more sensitive than fingertips?"

"Oh? What's that?"

"The lips. Way more sensitive, one hundred times more."

He raised a brow, "That supposed to be a hint?"

You sucked on your bottom lip, "Maybe...That's up to you."

[arcadejohn127-9]

ALSO- I have a request! Brothers (+royals if you want) reacting to an MC who is extremely affectionate once they like someones- gives hugs, praises often, gives gifts, does their best to help when they can- but if any of this affection is returned they cry. Hard. Because they're emotionally constipated and any affection or love they receive overwhelms them- this also embarrasses them extremely-

Damn.... didn't think I'd feel called out by a prompt request XD it seems my time has come!

I'm guessing royals are Diavolo and barbatos so I added them but if you ever request again and someone you wanted wasn't here, feel free to comment and I'll make sure to add them

Brothers + Diavolo & barbatos with an overly affection MC with issues

Lucifer:

He grew use to your affection ways

The words of praise when you notice he finished a work load

Or when you'd pat his head when he was tired

At first he wondered why you would handle or touch him likes he's a fragile doll but he grew to love how gentle you were

Subconsciously he'd lean his head down whenever he completed a task expecting a head pat

Even if you weren't there but if he's caught he'll just pretend he was tired

Lucifer wasn't always the most affectionate, especially as he rarely shows how much he genuinely loves the people around them

He decided to return the gesture, you recently got a high grade in a class you were struggling in

He patted your head, giving it a light ruffle

"You did good, you're improving alot - it's very promising."

Didn't expect you to start crying, aggressively shoving away your tears

"what's wrong? Did something-"

"I just- this is embarassing- you patted my head and people don't really do that for me and I just-"

"Ah, I see, then I shall do it more often."

"even in public?"

He was never a public man, wanting to get his softer side hidden in the protection of his soul and the walls surrounding his room

But here you were, crying because he simply caressed your cheek

He wants you to be happy and feel as loved as he does

So he'll happily push his walls down for you

"if it means this much to you, then yes but let's keep it appropriate."

Mammon:

"How's my handsome super model?! Did it go well? Aww you look tired, let's get you rested, okay?"

He's so in love

No one has ever made him feel this mooshy and love sick and he's ANCIENT

He's use to his brothers always insulting him - he likes a good tease and making a rude remark about each other but they tend to push it

They hit his Insecurities and think he can handle it because they're demons

But he wasn't always

Then you came along, giving him head pats and words of praise

Always standing up for him

He fell for you so quickly and so hard

He basically turns into a puppy when he's with you

When you left with Satan to get groceries he had to be forced to not go with you, waiting at the stairs for you to come back

As soon as Satan left with even your bags included, he came bolting for you

Leaping into your arms and squeezed you tight, insisting he didn't miss you but just got bored

The way he's nuzzling your cheek says otherwise

When you began crying he immediately panicked

"Did Satan do something to ya?! I swear I'll beat-"

"I'm just not use to others being as affectionate as I am back to me - it's okay."

"Huh?! Well I guess the greatest demon of all time has to be that person, that's me! Don't forget it, okay?! I'm going to smother you."

Mammon is already a touchy person but knows to be respectful, since that day his hands are always on you

Either holding your hand, touching your shoulder, petting your hair or just Hugging you

Levithan:

Levithan isn't one to give or receive when it comes to affection

He tends to get overwhelmed by just a head pat and gets embarassed if his fingers accidentally brush against yours

You're an overly affectionate person

He's a simple man who needs self worth

It's definitely a good duo

You've learned to be more vocal about your praises and affections, still testing the waters with physical touch

But from time to time he'll ask to get a head pat if he's really proud of himself

Has made you call him your little pog champ

"Levi are you- oh sorry you're streaming- I'll just leave these here."

He was confused until he saw the section dish filled with different snacks with a energy drink in the middle

He almost teared up

"No! Stay with me, they'll like you!"

In an act of no thoughts and boldness, he pulled you into his lap

You fell awkwardly and was half straddling half on his side

As soon as you got comfortable you hide your face In his neck forcing back tears

Not wanting to cry on stream

"You're so sweet, levi, I'm sure your followers can agree."

He literally short circuited

Hiding his face in your shoulder as he got flustered

"You're sweeter than me, you're always being nice to me - I really lo- like you for that."

Anyone who watched that stream now ships you - the non believers didn't believe all the stories he told about you but now they had physical proof

That stream was re-upload so many times with comps filled with him gushing about you

Levithan is determined to make sure you never see them but it's too late and you cried with joy in your room

Next time you saw him you kissed his cheek and he immediately melted

Did kiss your cheek back though but did it so quick and harsh that you stumbled backwards

Satan:

Someone being gentle to him????

Someone who doesn't keep away from his because of his sin????

Who??? What??!!

You're the who! he was SHOCKED you were so happy to get close to him and just treat him so kindly

He made a theory on the Devildom detectives group that you're actually an angel but it backfired by demons just telling him he's got feelings for you

He does but he didn't expect to get called out on a whole forum

"You're really smart, thanks for always helping me with my studies - I've found It alot easier to study and remember all my notes now, you're a good teacher!"

He's so smitten with you

You could be saying the most disgusting or insulting thing and he'd still smile and nod

He needed help getting food for this secret but really not so secret pet cat and you gladly accepted to help him

When you two were just spending time together in his room and when suddenly picked up his cat

You didn't think too much of it but grinned when he booped the cats nose onto yours

"thank you for being so kind to me- it means alot."

the cat was like you; overly affectionate so it didn't surprise you when it started gently pawing at your face and giving you little kisses

"I feel embarrassed by admitting this so I'm letting Chaos show how I feel."

He avoided looking at you

It would be for the best as you started crying, taking the cat from his hold and kissing it's head repeatedly

"and that's how I feel about you trying to move through your discomfort and be open with me."

His cheeks are BURNING

Holds your hand throughout the rest of the hang out

Asmodeus:

You're being gentle and affection despite Everyone perceiving him as a sex hungry annoyance?

You're immediately his favourite - sorry Solomon

You always understood his protectiveness over his appearance

Fixing his hair and pushing back stands if you ever pet it

You didn't need to but you always told him you washed your hands before touching his face

You always did these simple things to make him feel at ease

But he loved your touch

No matter any comment he makes; he adores you and just being able to have these tender moments with you

He knew you were special to him when you walked in on him

Barely awake, hair messy, no makeup or moisturizer - he didn't look even the slightest bit appealing

And just smiled, looking at him no differently even when his voice came out tired and croaky

"You're really pretty even when you just wake up, it's so unfair - what's your secret?"

"because it's me, darling! I always look good~"

Internally, he was freaking out about how you liked him at what he deemed - his most unattractive state

So it only made sense he became more touchy and grew closer to you

"are you sure I look good in this? I know you're very up to date with fashion."

"You look stunning, I haven't seen a bad look on you yet, perhaps your charm is just as high as mine."

He was holding your hips, smiling as you both looked in the mirror

He wrapped his arms around you, leaning on your shoulder

"I think you look good all the time, you're just amazing like that."

You tried to hide your tears but he could see them, immediately asking you what's wrong

"Nothing- I just- that means alot coming from you and you're always being so affection towards me....its really nice."

He just hugs you tighter, smiling

"I just treat you how you treat me, you're a real angel."

Beezlebub:

This guy is worried about so many things

He's scared of hurting you

He's worried if he gets carried away with touching you he'll make you uncomfortable and his gluttony will act up; wanting more of your tender touch until he feels full

The last thing he wants is to make you uncomfortable or you feel forced to be affectionate to him because he could throw a fit

He's always ashamed of his hunger tantrums

But when he does do affection it's either carrying you or holding your hand

But was so happy whenever you cuddled hi against him or when you gave him praise

He could spend the whole day with you running your fingers through his hair, telling him he's a good demon and that he means something to you

"Can you finish this for me? I'm not feeling that hungry right now."

You offered your bowl to Beel, he happily took it

As you two spent time with each other he noticed you eyeing some of the more sweeter things set out on the table

He gently pushed it towards you

"Eat if you want it, I'll share."

You waved your hand, not wanting to take food from him

"I'm just snack-ish, I can't eat a meal right now."

You knew how hungry he could get and didn't want to leave him peckish

You knew that small feeling could easily turn into something bigger

But he just nudged it closer to you

"You eat what you want, I'll have what you don't finish."

You finally agreed, knowing he was insisting on you to eat with him

He patted your head, smiling as he watched you eat

"are you sure you won't still feel hungry?"

"you make me feel full, it soothes another type of hunger in me, it's nice."

He grabbed your hand, nuzzling his cheek against it, he couldn't stop smiling as you just looked at him in surprise

You finally grinned, tearing up and shook your head, you leaned against him and continued eating

Gripping his hand tighter as you pushed back your tears

Belphegor:

He was spoilt

Beel was always looking after him, helping him get ready for school and drying his hair, carrying him around when he was too tired to walk

And you were only fueling his spoilt nature

You always showered him in affection

Petting his hair whilst he laid his head on your lap, combed his tail, told him he looked cute

"My precious little belphie, are you feeling okay? I noticed you were struggling to sleep today at lunch."

Whilst he believed he looked intimidating with his heavy bags and sleepy grin

You found him adorable, treating him like a sweet innocent boy on those special nights of just you two cuddling

It's been a long time since he's felt innocent

You were always checking in on him

Making him feel special and cared for

He was a soft mess in your hands

"Hold me more, your hands feel so nice~"

He placed his hands on yours, making you gently squish his cheeks

"Don't you wanna cuddle?"

He raised a brow, a smug smile growing on his face

"it seems you want to."

"we don't have to-"

"If you wanna be held just ask, I'm more than happy to hold you."

He wrapped his arms around you, shifting his position and buried his face into your chest, humming as your hands ran through his hair

He gave you a small squeeze

"It feels good to be the one hugging you, you're always so comfy~"

He began murmuring how much he loves this time with you, drifting to sleep as he praised you, letting himself mindlessly go on about how wonderful and sweet you are until he started to snore

You let your tears fall

Holding him closer as you softly thanked him for his words

He just hugged you tighter in his sleep, his smile growing

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

This man is TOUCH STARVED

the fact you're unafraid to be with him and around him is already amazing but you freely hold his hand and pat his head

He thinks he's knocked his head and been taken to the celestial realm

People are intimidated by his title as prince and having you so care free in his company is new for him

So of course he enjoys how affectionate you are!

He embraces all your touches and praise!

He's even had you sitting on his lap during meetings, letting you hug him after a tiring day of studying

"You did great today, I really felt your passion for this new project, I think the students will really enjoy it!"

He gets so happy everytime you even look his way

Your smile alone fuels him for the whole day

"Meet me in the castle today, there's something I need you to do for me."

You agreed, not thinking much of it; most likely a new update on the school fair

What you didn't expect was to be greeted by shopping bags and gift boxes and even a human sized teddy bear with demon horns, you tried to ignore them as Diavolo came jogging down the steps

"What did you need me for?"

"I want you to see what you like, I bought as much as I could before Barbatos stopped me, I hope they're up to your liking."

You were speechless

You felt as if you touched the gifts you wouldn't be able to hold back; you were excited to see what he got but you didn't want to seem too excited

"Please, go ahead - it's all yours unless something is not up to your liking."

You finally went through the shopping bags; there was clothes, products, jewelry, shoes and all other sorts of items

You hugged the giant close to your chest, choking back on your tears

"thank you-"

"No need to thank me, you're always so kind to me I just wanted to return the favour."

Barbatos:

You were a like a breath of fresh air, someone he could just go to

He can unwind and be rewarded for his efforts and others normally don't notice

Whilst his lord was always praising him, it felt different with you

It felt so joyful

You would brush through his hair, always thank him even if he's just doing his job and always seem to be in awe at what he does

He'll never forget the gloves you gave him, sleek and a perfect fit with a cursive 'B' stitched to the edge - they were enchanted to warm up whenever he got cold

"Wow! You prepared all this?! That must of taken you ages! You're really amazing, Barb."

"I'm simply doing my job but your praise makes it all worth it."

Often invites you to the castle for tea

He'll make any excuse to have you come see him; the prince wants to talk, he wants a hand with a recipe, he needs an outsider's opinion on something

Whatever he can come up with; he will use it

You might as well just stay in one of the guest bedrooms because you're always coming to the castle

Speaking of excuses; today Barbatos decided to thank your lovely behaviour

Convincing you to come to the castle and meet him in the dining hall

"I saw you eyeing some recipes whilst helping me in the kitchen so, I made you them AND wrote down how I did it exactly so you can make them any time you like."

"I- you didn't have to do that! Thank you for this, they look delicious."

"I always wanted to give you this."

You couldn't even ask what it was

He already held it up for you to see

It was a box of gloves with your the first letter of your name stitched onto the edge

They were heat up gloves!

"I thought you'd appreciate your own as they'll always be handy but the gesture of matching with someone you're close to is very appealing."

He helped you put the gloves on, pinching the tip of your fingers to make sure they fitted properly

He held your hand, admiring how it looked in his

You couldn't stop a few tears forming, smiling

You felt abit silly crying over heat up gloves but you couldn't help it

"I want to match with you more often, perhaps one day it'll end up being a ring."

[bluebunf]

Younger!PEPA + FÉLIX headcannons!

Alrightyyyy sooo I got some more felix + pepa headcannons! (ALSO!! Big thank you for all the love from the sisters hc! I didn't expect so many ppl to like it aksskss more abt them to come as well) Hope you enjoy! :D

Felix ❤

He comes from a family of gardeners!

This is how he has learned to become adaptable and understanding of plants and people alike

As he grew he learned about how each plant has different needs, different leaves, has thorns or bears fruits and changes with the seasons. This is why he he's a perfect match for pepa + family

Also out of everyone in encanto, his family is actually the most affected with pepas gift (alongside other farmers) as it takes certain environments for certain plants and flowers.

Because of his family, Pepa grew somewhat of a bias against him since she just doesn't want to get involved in other peopls grievances against her and her gift. Although, fèlix always knew what kind of person Pepa really is. A kind, empathetic soul who is literally is just misunderstood as well as treated unfairly.

Pepa💛

Since Pepa hasn't properly learned how to express her feelings to people, mainly due to people who are usually scared of upsetting her and cause a storm, pepas relationship with the villages are usually shallow.

Therefore, whenever she becomes really upset (and she can't go to either bruno or Julieta abt it) she tries to calm herself down by heading to a secluded river somewhat deep in the forest by herself. The sound of the water flowing and the great ambience of nature helps her calm down. She also usually talks to her own reflection, venting, then decompress.

As well as, whenever she starts feeling her emotions grow bigger, she took it upon herself to be in a secluded place helps "damage control" her gift since less people would be affected

Also she uses a part of her dress as a picnic blanket!

She also usually goes to her oasis when a) her can't control her emotions/need to express them b) becomes too overwhelming to be at home c) she needs alone time and truly decompress

How Félix became whipped☀️❤

He strolls around the forest quite often to try and find new plants or just general herbs that he couldn't plant back at home. (Also has a small secret garden himself)

As he enjoys his own company, he noticed a specific plant he's been needing for a while. As he closes his distance to his objective he hears a voice. Intrigued, he takes a peek.

He sees pepa! A bit down than usual, but still absolutely glowing. He doesn't know why, but his eyes always find themselves on her.

"I accidentally rained on julietas new dress today" She says with a guilty tone. "Ughhhgh.. and mámá came after me for it and THEN one of bruno's rats started scurrying around the house and freaked everyone out and I freaked out and tripped over it. So to recap," She flails her hands in the air trying to keep it together "I've hurt brunos rat, ruined julietas dress, mámá berating me for it, ruined everyone's mood and MY mood and it just starts snowballing and it started raining around me and everyone's laundry is ruined since today was supposed to be a scheduled sunny day since it's laundry dayaauuhghgghhh..." she then comically flops onto the ground, taking a big breath.

"I don't know what to do. I wanna make it up to them but how would I even... and the villagers..." she takes her braids and puts them over tp cover her eyes.

Felix feels bad as he helplessly (or maybe creepily, though he doesn't mean to)sat there eavesdropping, although, he really mainly stayed out of concern.

Surprisingly, he has found himself smitten as he's never seen this side of pepa. All emotional, genuinely showing her true personality as well as voicing her thoughts; to him its definitely a sight worthy to succumb to infatuation. A fond smile crept its way on his face.

As much as he wanted to go and help her out, he was happy enough to get to know more about pepa, albeit in a eavesdropping way.

But every time they cross paths in the village, he would try to go out of his way give a small nice gesture for her or try to make her laugh.

Pepa on the other hand is very skeptical. It has become the typical ruse to try and keep her in a happy mood as to keep the thunderstorms at bay, but félix always tried to always be gentle as he would work diligently and patiently make his efforts be known.

"Hey, don't worry about the rain from yesterday, some people," his eyes would jokingly eye roll to a friend of his playing soccer, "needs a little watering dontcha think." Pepas eyes would follow who he's talking about and see his friend all muddied up from his game. She cracked a small smile and left as soon as she felt her smile get bigger.

Tingly feelings, warm hearts and budding relationships ensues

Let me know what you think! More to come :D❤💛

[luimagines]

Do time or the other links smoke? Or drink? Or do some kind of drugs? I mean when your out heroing you're going to get alot of traum

Something they all at least somewhat have to try and take the edg off or do they have other ways of coping? I am sorry if this sounds like an ask,i was more along the lines trying to get your speculation on the matter

Masterlist

I see what you're saying and I do think that some of them would have had bad habits in the past but yeah-

They do need some time to take the edge off and refocus themselves in the present, but how do they do that in a healthy and safe way?

Let's talk about that.

I don't think I have all the necessary tags so go forth at your own discretion.

Time

Time would have definitely had a drinking problem that would have started in his Termina days.

He's never really felt the need to drink though- he only found that it would have kept him from going crazy.

But as he got out of there and talked more to Malon (and have his supply cut off- (just because he knew where to get it in Termina doesn't mean he knows where to get it in Hyrule, (nor would they give it to him, even if he did))), I like to think that he would have had to find other ways to calm himself down and think rationally through his thoughts and desires.

It happens by accident.

He was working at Lon Lon Ranch when he needed to go chop some wood and he found the repetitive and strenuous work, soothing.

He felt good. Accomplished even.

And a little disappointed when he was finished.

But he started doing that whenever he could and it became his main way to not only blow off some steam but to also calm himself down.

It helps with his anxiety and his need to help feel useful even when nothing is really happening that would require his assistance.

Twilight

Twilight finds that manual labor actually makes his anxiety worse.

He can't really find it within himself to get lost in it because he's already programmed for that to be a part of his day to day life anyway. So his brain can still go on and on even as he gets his chores done.

Twilight finds that a secluded spot with little distraction works best.

He's never really dabbled in other ways to deal with it nor has it come to his mind.

All he knew one say was that everything was too much and that he needed to be in a different area entirely.

No people, no noise.

He likes to hang out by small creeks or by the lake and fish if he really needs an excuse to do something.

Bonus points if he can rest with one of his favorite goats nearby, but that's few and far in between.

It's less meditation and more taking in the moment and letting time slip by for a change.

No to do lists, no action, no survival, no need to be on the run.

Just breath.

Warrior

Warrior would have smoked during the war but I don’t think he’d actually tolerate it all that well. I feel like he’d be more inclined to drink away his problems but with shortages left and right, and all efforts going into the war, there just wouldn’t be enough to go around.

So he’d smoke and hate it.

But it worked in a pinch.

Afterwards, whether through Mask’s and Wind’s influence or the end of the war, he’d want to find a way to quit.

It wasn’t easy but I feel like Warrior would attempt to quit cold turkey. Just drop the habit completely and what does he do when he feels the need arise again?

It’s actually little said than done, but he paints.

It’s less with ink and paint and more so, just moving his hands and a brush around.

If he happens to have a canvas it’s better but again, not easy to come around.

So what Warrior ends up doing most of the time, is taking a brush and some homemade ink from berries and brushing it over his scars. His favorite spot is the massive burn covering his left arm left behind as a gift from the Dragon Knight.

It feels tingly and electric, static follows the brush and the muscles clench with energy from the contact but while it’s uncomfortable for a while, it’s also not entirely unpleasant and it’s soothing to watch and feel. And it grounds Warrior in the moment until he no longer feels the urge.

When the urge is gone, he still does it when he feel anxious and concerned. Late at night is typical time for him to do this, where no one would see him or his scars and judge him for it.

Sky

Sky in the beginning would have slept more than he did before.

He was already inclined to fall asleep easily before all of his trauma, but afterwards he seemed to lose motivation to continue with the idea that things would go back to normal. There was still a lot of expectation placed on his shoulders and it was frankly not something he wanted to deal with.

So he sleeps.

Now this turns into more of a problem with being able to stay awake and to stay concentrated. It’s hard for him to pay attention to anything beyond him and that won’t do, considering me still has to finish his schooling.

What Sky does more often than not to keep him tethered to the present moment is work with his hands. He’s already had the tools for wood whittling but he was never allowed to use them in class and it ends being a bigger mess sometimes than he’s willing to deal with in general.

Sky also has some small pockets of clay that he fidgets with to keep his hands moving and he can keep it under his desk so that it’s not that distracting in class.

It helps him focus and when he thinks about what he’s been through and what he plans to do next, it keeps him from getting overwhelmed.

Wild

I think Wild would have just gone silent and unmoving when he’s having a bad day.

Kind of similar to how he gets when’s trapped in a memory but for longer and he doesn’t eat or sleep. It could last days at a time. He doesn’t even move unless he’s prompted or dragged to the spot.

The lights are on but no one’s home you know.

There’s not a lot he can do when it happens. Everyone just has to wait for it to pass and hope that it passes quickly.

But Wild gets better with time to know the signs when of one of those days is coming.

It’s not much, but Wild like to hop on the back of his horse and just take off.

Feel the rushing wind on his face and through his hair. He’s a full gallop for a while until the poor horse gets tired. At that point he just goes to the nearest stable and exchanges horses to do the whole thing over again.

Sometimes, when that’s not enough, he’ll go base jumping from as high as he can get even using Revali’s Gale to get higher and free fall. Wild is pretty good at catching himself with his paraglider at the last moment and he likes to see all of Hyrule when as he reaches the ground again.

It reminds him that he’s done a lot of good, that he’s capable of doing more good and that life isn’t over just one ended.

Four

Unsurprisingly, sometimes Four gets too lost in his own for his own good.

He’s got a lot to think about and very little way to get it out.

Four would actually throw himself into his work to try and distract himself from the memories, the anxiety, and the guilt of not being enough time and time again even if he saved the day in the end.

This doesn’t help.

He gets so lost into it, in his attempt to stop thinking all together that he completely goes into autopilot and over works himself. Not in the sense that he pulls a muscle and has to take it easy  or end up sore and tired and regrets it. No, no. What I mean is that he’ll keep working for days on end.

No sleep.

No food.

Little water.

No fresh air.

It ends up being a hard habit for him to break. Especially since he finds himself continuously trying to fall into a blank mindset even while he actually works to get commissions done.

So what Four has to do is find something else to do. Four more or less always has to have his hands moving, so it’s hard for him to put something down and not working on it.

He likes jigsaw puzzles, he likes to read, but he also likes to make stuff.

So in the end, when Four feel a little overwhelmed and feels himself slip into a self deprivational state, he’ll stop and goes inside his house to do a smaller project.

So he bakes, he knits, he does his puzzels. It’s enough for him to feel productive still but quick enough for him to stay present and make sure he’s still taking care of himself until the restlessness passes.

Wind

Wind doesn’t really have bad habits. He’s still young and processing his adventures. 

I’m sure there’s alcohol on the pirate ship because pirates. But I don’t think he’d like it as much as some people want to write him.

Like, sure, a cup or two ain’t bad but I just can’t see Wind having a drinking problem. At least not now as everything stands.

In a few years it’s might be something he would need to be on the look out for if he’s aware enough but he was quite grasped the full implications of his position and trauma yet.

Because he’s just a kid.

He won’t know how twisted what happened to him was until he gets older and can he the age outside of his own mindset.

Wind has nightmares though and they’re ties when he gets memories that he doesn’t want to deal with at the moment- or ever again.

In the moment he thinks of his home, his grandma and his sister instead.

He thinks of his friends, both old and new.

The chain help with distracting him and he’s not above using them for the distraction when he feels that he needs one.

Wind also stretches a lot. 

When he was with Warrior, he got into some of the drills they were teaching the soldiers and for some of the nimble ones, they had to start with stretches and he likes it.

So when it gets particularly bad, he throws himself through the motions and holds the poses for a bit longer than necessary.

So yoga. He does yoga.

And it centers him, it clears his head and he feels better after.

Legend

Legend screams.

Legend cries.

Legend will go on a rampage and destroy a whole forest if he’s having a particularly hard day.

Sometimes he’ll go find something big and scary just to fight it. 

Blacksmithing is more a hobby for him at this point because it’s not something he can actually see himself doing in the future. It’s just to pass the time and help the day’s go by a little faster.

Legend likes to draw and when he’s tired after throwing whatever tantrum has taken over him, he’d go to a quiet spot and draw whatever he sees.

Sometimes, when he’s paying more attention to himself and he can feel himself getting frustrated and anxious, he takes a few days off.

He leaves his house and his items and goes up a mountain to think with some food, a notebook and some pencils.

He takes up map making.

Legend doesn’t think he’s any good at it, but with al the places he’s been, he tries to make a map for them by memory incase anyone he knows or will meet decides to visit.

His most carefully crafted map is of Koholint for... reasons.

It’s takes him an age and a half and he’s still not done with it, trying to get as much of it onto the paper as he can remember before he grows old and loses them entirely within his memory.

It’s a calming project he finds. He doesn’t feel sad when he does this for Marin for the people and their memory. It keeps them alive in his heart and sometimes he draws something on the map that doesn’t quite fit into his memory about the island but something tells him to keep it because it was there. Because he was only a visitor to their home.

The locals would know.

He feels good keeping them alive in some way.

It’s what she they would have wanted. 

It’s what she they deserve.

She They always wanted to travel and it’s better to have a map to do so.

He takes up map making.

Hyrule

I don’t think Hyrule’s... Hyrule has a lot of these methods to go around. He wouldn’t have been exposed to drugs or alcohol simply because there’s too little people for him to interact with.

And if he was, I don’t think he’s use them as a coping mechanism simply because they would be too difficult obtain and gather to be sufficient.

I think that Hyrule would actually hang out with a Great Fairies by her pool when times got particularly rough.

There’s something about the place that resonates with him and feels calming, safe and relaxing to him.

As a bonus he’s always welcomed so he can pop in and stay for days at a time if he ever needed to.

He does not stay there for days.

But he appreciates the offer.

Hyrule doesn’t stay for more than few hours at a time because he doesn’t want to attract any monsters to his safe spots but even if the fairies don’t use any magic on him, he’s always rejuvenated afterwards and he feel like he can take on anything.

And given the world he comes from- it’s needed.

[chubbology]

The Munchies

prompt: a stoner feedee's girlfriend uses him to test out new edibles and deals with his munchies

Remmy returned home from visiting relatives on the last day of December, and he was very glad to be back. They’d fed him well and his pants were tight, but all the small talk and bad vibes had been as much of a drag as usual.

He opened the door to his apartment and breathed in a familiar, potent scent.

“Baby!” Brianna ran from the kitchen and tackled him.

“Happy almost New Year! Wanna hear my resolution? Baking and getting baked. Check it out.”

She brought him over to the counter, where she was almost done filling up three containers of what Remmy had no doubt were various edibles. He ignored the kitchen mess.

“I’m liking what I see,” Remmy laughed.

She preened and then pinched his love handle. “I bet you do."

"These aren’t your typical brownies, though," she said. "This is gourmet.” She kissed her fingertips in a muah.

The first container was full of moist shortbread, the second with a kind of apple crumble dish that looked divine. Last but not least, the third had a jumble of what like peanut butter cups.

“Try something!” Brianna gushed. She seemed to be a little floaty already. “You’re gonna be my new taste tester. I think I could really be good at this. Make some cash, too.”

So Remmy tried one of the peanut butter cups. His eyes widened, and he smiled. “Bri, these are incredible.” He ate another.

“Take it easy. Two should get you stoned. So says the recipe anyway.” Brianna rubbed his pudgy forearm as he eyed the rest in the container, biting the inside of his lip. “Hey. If you’re just hungry, I can fix that. You wanna eat?”

“I’m starving,” Remmy said. A lie, since he’d had a big lunch before driving back. But he could eat.

“Okay, I’ll get you something! Pay day was Monday. Let’s splurge. What do you want?”

McDonalds, Remmy’s mind supplied easily, in an almost salacious tone. His relatives thought they were too good for McDonalds, and now his body thrummed with the desire to just get a truckload of those greasy combos and revel in the guilt and satisfaction of eating every last unhealthy bite.

Then again. Brianna probably wasn’t okay to drive right now, he didn’t feel like getting back in the car, and the scale told him he’d hit 240 recently, “Let’s just order in.”

“Sounds good to me.”

That night, as they ignored the idiots on television bringing in the New Year, the two of them picked at the apple crumble - which tasted as brilliant as Remmy had suspected - and lounged around, enjoying their high. Brianna barely touched her Chinese takeout, and Remmy ate all of his. Then hers. Then he started grazing the kitchen for more food.

Over the course of the next week, the two of them finished off the rest of what she made, plus some more recipes that turned out delicious. Brianna got a pleasant high every time, and Remmy enjoyed the edibles, too, although his experience was slightly different. It was just—

He just—

He got hungry. Munchies but on unholy overdrive. Cranked to eleven and a half. With every high, Remmy became a little more overwhelmed by the sheer amount of food he felt compelled to pack away, savory and sweet. Takeout and fast food and quarts of ice cream. Nuts and fruits, too. Jar of peanut butter here. Tub of icing there. He’d never been very active, so it came as no surprise when his clothes began stretching over his chest and belly and thighs and ass. He popped a button getting dressed one morning and couldn’t stop thinking about it the rest of the day. He hadn’t realized it would happen so quickly, his body converting all the calories into flab. Flab that padded him out chubbier than he already was, and then more on top of that. In the mirror, he started to look big.

Brianna seemed unfazed by her boyfriend’s growing girth. She took to her baking resolution with as much gusto as she did anything that interested her, and even into March, April, and May, she was selling the edibles well and raked in money that almost made her day job obsolete. Remmy was constantly praised for being “the bestest taste tester ever” and enjoyed a steady stream of free highs to balance out the lows of spending most of his time working his IT job from home.

Working, gaming, watching old movies. Remmy already stayed sitting most of the day, but as he gained weight, gained a lot, filling out his desk chair to its limits, crumbs becoming his constant companion, he felt even less like standing up. His weight climbed to 280, 290, 300.

June, July, and August passed uneventfully, and pretty happily, too. Brianna stopped asking him what food he wanted from the grocery store and just bought him things. Bought him things she knew he’d eat when he got high, things that made his ass spread wider on the couch, his arms round out like sausages, his pudgy chest start to really droop. The scale said 320, 330, 340.

Remmy gave up trying to gain control of the new appetite Brianna’s heavenly edibles seemed to install in him irrevocably. When he craved, he ate, and he ate. And like a dam breaking, his body surged with so much excess fat he began spilling out of even his newest clothes.

He was a little ashamed, sure. But quite a few of his relatives were fat, so they couldn't talk, and it felt like sweet revenge to embarrass his irritating parents by becoming so overweight. As for everyday life, well, he just moved around from room to room slower, wore the same stretchy clothes a lot, and that was it. Remmy did mention his weight in passing sometimes to gauge Brianna’s feelings about it, but Brianna only ever giggled, called him cute, and passed him her venti sugary monstrosity of a coffee concoction, which he thoughtlessly sucked down to the dregs, ingesting a thousand-plus calories just like that. This made her eyes sparkle, huge and utterly endeared.

“Like a piggy,” she said, thumbing his fat cheek. “Always willing to eat.”

In bed, she made it clear she liked him the way he was, and was becoming. And it wasn’t long before Remmy realized he was into how big he was becoming, too.

They continued like this. Getting high together and watching movies and making out and snacking. Well, Brianna snacked. Remmy feasted. Gorged himself, to put it precisely, with Brianna’s enthusiastic help. “You look good soft,” she’d tell him, playing with belly fat that his stretchiest t-shirts couldn’t cover anymore.

Remmy would swallow another bite of a snickers and spread his huge thighs a little, with effort. “You call it soft, but I’m the one who gets tired moving from the office to the kitchen.” I’m so heavy, he wanted to say. God, I’m so heavy.

“Just move your computer to the kitchen then,” she said. “Duh.”

It was a seed planted that came to fruition a month later - when Remmy’s food cravings became unmanageable and his weight climbed past 360 - that he felt he would simply be more productive during his day job if his breaks to get food from the kitchen were shorter.

By November, whether he was high or not, Remmy was grazing all day, everyday. What Brianna got from the store became insufficient, and he started a habit of ordering take out most days. In big portions. His scale creaked at 375. When Brianna wasn’t home, he sometimes ate takeout on the scale to see if the number would rise.

On Remmy’s birthday in early December, Brianna made a fresh batch of his favorites again: the peanut butter cup edibles. After ordering pizza for delivery, she got in the shower, and Remmy scarfed down three of the big cups as soon as they cooled. Then he waited, leaning against the counter, scrolling on his phone, belly hanging, feet hurting. He didn’t want to go to the effort of sitting on the couch and getting back up again when he could just stay in the kitchen, where he knew he’d end up anyway.

He scratched his supple underbelly. Found a pack of Twizzlers and started eating those.

Soon enough, his breathing slowed as he felt the high slowly come over him. And, as expected, his whole body immediately began to tingle for satiation. Fattening food sung to him from the pantry and fridge and freezer all at once, and it was all going to make him so huge and heavy he wouldn’t be able to stand on his own wide feet, but he wanted it anyway.

He didn’t care if he was pushing 390 now. He’d blown up, yeah. Inflated from a thick guy to obese and waddling. At this point, he was so pumped so big with blubber that he couldn’t twitch without jiggling, but so what? He was hungry. Being high made him want to consume, and so he did. He couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to.

Remmy opened the fridge and took out his birthday cake, which Brianna must have stuck in there after getting home from work. He couldn’t wait to eat it properly. There was no way he could wait until after the pizza came. Besides, it was his birthday. Remmy took off the plastic lid of the round, triple chocolate cake and felt his nerves light up with anticipation. He was going to eat it all, and there was no stopping him.

He found a knife and cut himself a slice three times the size any reasonable person would take. Desperate to get the goodness into his mouth without delay, he skipped a fork and bit right into the gooey, dense cake and mouse and fudge. God, Brianna was so perfect for getting him the unhealthiest cake imaginable. She knew he didn’t care if he was ten pounds heavier tomorrow, if his fat ass ripped his sweatpants open, if he ate so much he couldn’t haul himself to bed—she knew he needed this.

He ate slice after slice, and it was mostly gone when Brianna got out of the shower, looking sexier than usual in her matching purple lingerie. She’d gotten chubbier with so much junk food in the apartment, and fat clung to her in all the right places. But her pudge was a far cry from his angry-red stretch marks and neck rolls. Hell, his moobs had grown bigger than her tits.

She found him in the kitchen, eating and holding his drooping belly, and she rubbed his back, cooing at him when he apologized.

“It’s okay. I figured you wouldn’t be able to wait all night. How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Remmy said, but all he could think about was getting his next bite. As she watched him, he tried to hold out. Tried to prove he could stop eating for two seconds. Three seconds, four - his resolve broke and he crammed the rest of a slice into his mouth and chewed, choking back a moan.

“You get the munchies so bad, don’t you?” Brianna grinned and leaned against his belly, patting and cupping his weighty breasts in the way she knew pleased him. “Let’s get you sat down. I’ll bring you what you need. Just sit and relax and watch whatever you want.” They moved to the couch and Remmy sat, the cushions wheezing, his thighs and belly quivering. Brianna tucked the remainder of the cake into his pudgy hands. “Don’t worry about a mess. It’s your birthday. And there’s more where that came from.” She winked. “I just needed to keep this cake refrigerated because it’s fancy. There’s a whole sheet cake on top of the fridge that’s cheap and huge. Covered in icing. Perfect for munchies.”

Remmy could only feel a wave of relief at this news. There would be more cake. And after that, there’d still be more junk in the cabinets. There was pizza coming. His high was just right. Brianna turned on the television to his favorite show and he settled further back into the cushions, feeling his second chin swell out and engulf his first. Everything was just right. He was lucky to have Brianna and food. So much food.

A year later, around the same time, Remmy skipped his usual trip to see his relatives for the holidays. At 520 pounds, it was simply too much effort to move.

*

Thank you to the reader who commissioned this work!

I'd love to write more. Check me out <3 etsy.com/shop/Chubbology

[cutiecorner]

《 I've been rewatching su lately and I NEEDED to make some content for my lovely boy (╥﹏╥) I've got a much bigger project for him coming up, so keep an eye out for that! Quick tw for mentions of trauma and vent regression. Headcanons under the cut!!》

*gently pats Steven* this little man can fit so much childhood trauma

SUF is all about spelling out in big letters "STEVEN NEEDS HEALTHY COPING MECHANISMS"....well,

I think he always did it. I feel like he's one of those regressors who's been sliding around age wise for a very long time, he just didn't know what it was and it was usually pretty subtle

Once he hit the teen years around Future it started to get,, less subtle. During and especially after the whole debacle, he would have these fits he just couldn't explain. Given the things ™ he was no stranger to intense bouts of emotion, but these were...different.

Every so often, late late at night, when he was tired and beaten down with this aching need for something, things would start to shift. His thoughts would start to... Slow down in a way. Things seemed more simple, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.

In the better times, it was a much, much welcome break from his usual storming mind. He could just be swept away in the simplest things, his window, his blanket, his hands. He could just take everything one at a time, with wide eyed wonder, until he dozed off to sleep

When it was for worse, it was much, much worse. The storm didn't go away, it just became too much to understand. It felt so much bigger, more scary. The little things became too overwhelming. He's hot, he's hungry, he's lonely, he's sad. He would cry, not just cry, sob, until he just couldn't do it anymore.

This was not a gem thing, he knew that much. There were lots of things about it that felt distinctly human to Steven. Gems were... perfect, they were supposed to be built that way, at least. He doubted any built in process of making you less alert and more vulnerable would be apart of gem biology. Not to mention, his gem powers had nothing to do with it, a noticable nothing. Usually when he was overwhelmed or overjoyed, some gem power would react to it. But in these instances... Nothing.

So he turned to the only thing more powerful than gem tech: the internet. He searched on and off with every bit of his alone time until he found something that felt about right

Take a wild guess what that was.

Not only did Steven figure he was a regressor, he felt as if recently he was at the very youngest end of the scale. A baby, heck, even in infant. It was a little strange, but it felt like the perfect way to describe his state of mind.

Now that he had a name for it, he wanted something to do about it. At first he wanted a 'cure' - the behavior was just one more thing on his endless pile of oddities to deal with, he just wanted it gone.

What he grasped as the 'solution' was to indulge himself, for a little bit. Maybe if he had his needs cared for the problem would be solved, like a check engine light or something.

He prepared a little emergency pack near his bed with all the things he may need in one of these fits. He invested in a paci, dug up some of his old baby toys, prepared an emergency lullaby list on his phone, even put a bottle in his mini fridge. When the time came, he was perfectly prepared

As much as deep down he expected it to go wrong, for him to have missed something vital and ruin the whole thing, it really was... Perfect.

It was nice, it was cozy, he could even call it fun! It was the happiest place he'd been in in a very, very long time.

So maybe it wasn't a one time thing

What he thought was going to be a quick fix became routine maintenance

Of course eventually Connie finds out and becomes his caregiver, but I think I'm gonna make a whole seperate post for that because this one's getting long

As for headcanons outside of its origins-

His age range is anywhere from 0-3! Big baby/toddler energy

He's very sweet but very sensitive. A lot of his regression is to deal with pent up emotions, so bring the tissues cuz this boy is weepy

His fave regression things are the three Ss: Songs, Stuffies, and Snackies.

He doesn't properly speak often, but he's very musical! He loves to hum and babble little songs. His favorite toys are the ones that play songs or make music! Stuffie that plays lullabies? Baby piano? Toy phone that plays that Little Butterfly song? He's SO there

Stuffies to the max!! I have no doubt in my mind that he tried to give away his stuffies at some point, but he just couldn't do it. Those are his friends!!! They looked so sad!!! Naturally they all have names and backstories and interpersonal relationships, all of which Connie has committed to memory

One of his fave parts of regression is the tasty snacks!! Cookie cats of course, but also puffs, juice, pb&js, the whole nine yards! He does tend to get a little messy though, so bibs and wipes are part of his essentials

Just a little guy who loves to cuddle! Though he doesn't get physically smaller while he regresses, he gets lighter, kinda like he's floating a bit! How does one gem power react but not the other? No idea also doesn't matter. Everyone just needs to be able to pick him up dangit!!

Though I know it's probably not the most consistent with his emotions on the show, just for my sake I like to imagine his whole family is in on it eventually. They all have their own ways of doting on him, and him getting to be small and supported by his dad always warms my little heart (╥﹏╥) I feel like Greg didn't get enough of an opportunity to be Steven's dad, so he jumps at the opportunity to do it properly!

I have another idea for a way he utilizes Rose's room in his regression, but that's a whole story for another time 👀

[demphen]

Worn and Weathered

Thomas x OC (Eddie Amar Reid)

Warnings: Implied/referenced self-harm, depression/depressed behavior. Also read on AO3. WC: 1.4k A/N: Hello. I've been in a severe depressive episode for the past couple weeks, and it's been real tough. I largely wrote this as a vent and decided to post it because I liked it. Hope you enjoy this short lil drabble.

Sinking into nothing, the world turning gray all around him, Thomas could only think about how life had always been this way.

TIRING.

EVERYTHING HAD only felt tiring lately. Thomas was used to having a cloud over his head, a weight on his shoulders—a voice louder than his own mind, laughing at and ridiculing him. Mocking his every move and thought. He’d lived with it long enough to accept it, though. He was still able to work despite it all. He was still useful.

Yet, now it became more and more difficult to get anything done. The days seemed longer and his patience shorter. That voice grew louder, bigger, overwhelming. It hadn’t ever been this bad before, Thomas would think—but it felt like that every time. Sinking into nothing, the world turning gray all around him, Thomas could only think about how life had always been this way. 

He’d first seen it in how sloppy he was getting. Thomas tried to keep some sort of precision in his butchering, like he had to at the slaughterhouse. As stupid as he was, he was good at it, and now he found himself making mistakes. Forgetting things, simple things, and it’d only make him feel more empty-headed if he had to ask for a reminder. 

When he’d prepare the meat, his thoughts would drift. Holding the blade in his hand, drawing blood, he’d wish it was his. He’d picture it. Imagining going over old scars, opening healed wounds. The voice would call him a dumb mule and tell him he deserved the pain. The sting that came after, in the shower as the water washed the blood away. It’d hope for an infection. It hoped to kill him. 

Thomas hadn’t hurt himself in a couple months, preferring to hit his thigh or his head when the thoughts truly got too burdensome. He didn’t know what made things go to shit again. What made him start thinking about it again.

He wasn’t supposed to be getting worse. He had enough food in his stomach and bed to lay in. He had a man to come back to at the end of every day; a man who was nice to him. Real good to him. It wasn’t supposed to be getting worse when things were getting better. Was he being ungrateful? He didn’t try to be. He didn't want to be. 

Thomas didn’t dare try and tell Eddie what was on his mind, for he couldn’t bear to bother him with it. It was no damn use whining anyway; what would be the good in that?  

He could deal with it on his own. He had to.

“Finally, I was startin’ to think you were gon’ spend the whole night down there.”

It had to be well after 10pm, perhaps a quarter till 11. Thomas half-expected Eddie to be sleeping by now. He should’ve been sleeping. Definitely shouldn’t have been waiting for you, his thoughts already began, insidious in the way they knew just how to get at him. How to take hold of him and force him to be still, staring at the ground. Look what you did. He’s staying up because of you, losing sleep because of you. You both have to get up early tomorrow, you know that. Selfish.

Eddie didn’t seem to be as bothered as Thomas’s mind sought out to make him believe. He was laying down with one arm behind his head and the other holding a magazine he’d snatched from one of the latest dinner guest’s things. It looked largely uninteresting, with “VOGUE” printed in big, colorful text and some lady on the cover. Eddie didn’t seem to be enthralled with it, but it was at least something to read over.

“You ain’t avoiding me, are you?” He asked, though there was a smile in his voice and a playfulness in his tone. Looking over at Thomas with a glint in his eye only further cemented that he didn’t mean it, but still, Thomas found a way to feel guilty. 

Eddie quickly took notice of how Thomas refused to look at him. He was maskless, his shoulders were sloped, and he was fidgeting with his hands, pulling at his fingers and messing with his knuckles. Eddie frowned, just a bit, throwing the thin magazine off toward the edge of the bed. “You okay? C’mere,”

Kicking the linen sheets off himself, Eddie scrambled to sit criss-cross on the middle of the mattress. He held his arms out, looking at Thomas all worried. Too worried, he believed.

It’s damn selfish to trouble him like that, you know. Why does he even care for you? Gave up everything to be with you, everything, and what do you do? You waste it, just smile at him, you ought to be happier! He’d be better, they’d all be better off if you were gone, rotting with maggots—

Thomas let out a sigh, shaking his head and bringing up a hand to dismiss Eddie’s concerns. In all honesty, no matter how selfish it might’ve been, he didn’t want to. Oh how he wished to be held instead, how he wished he had the voice to tell Eddie of his worries. How he wanted so deeply to have it in him to cry.

Thomas was tired.

There was still the problem of becoming a burden. There were only so many times he could rely on Eddie to pick him up, to be there. When would he get tired? When would he deem Thomas childish for not manning up and sucking it in? Grown men don’t cry. Thomas didn’t, at least.

Thomas sat on the far edge of the bed, back facing toward Eddie. He kicked off his boots as if he hadn’t spoken to him at all.

Eddie wasn’t so keen on moving on.

“You don’t need to tell me nothin’...” Eddie murmured, crawling up behind the butcher’s breaking body. All of him ached and he seemed so driven to ignore it. Eddie wished he wouldn’t. “but don’t act like I can’t see you. Like I ain’t gon’ worry, just a little.” His chin rested over Thomas’s shoulder and still, the man remained drawn into himself. In his own head. 

Eddie breathed slow out his nose, in a way Thomas nearly perceived as annoyance—but the arms around his waist cleared that thought. “I love you, y’know? So much, you don’t even understand. I’d kill for you. I’d die,”

He don’t really mean that.

“I’ve said it before. Do you think I’m a liar?” Eddie met his gaze when Thomas glanced at him, a challenging look in his eye. Eddie nearly felt insulted. “To you. Do you think I’d lie to you?”

Rationally, Thomas knew he wouldn’t. Could he trust that, though? Who would really be truthful to him? Too many folks had lied before, too many had assumed Thomas to be so dumb that he wouldn’t catch onto it. 

Realistically, Eddie wasn’t like them folks. Thomas wasn’t being too realistic at the moment.

With his lack of a response, Eddie pressed a soft kiss to the exposed skin of Thomas’s neck, slowly but surely turning the butcher red in the process. “I wouldn’t. You don’t gotta believe me, ‘kay? But I do mean it.”

Thomas didn’t believe him, no, but listening to him still felt nice.

“Look at me, like—turn your head.” Eddie asked, though he said it real low. Real nice. Thomas hesitated for a moment before facing him; still, he was unsure about how much Eddie could really stand to look at him. Surely he couldn’t for too long? Even if he could now, what would he do if the scarring got worse? Thomas had already lost most of his nose. How monstrous could he become before Eddie’s affection ran out?

Despite all of Thomas’s doubt, Eddie only smiled pleasantly before giving him a quick peck on his lips. He laughed under his breath. “Your ears are gettin’ pink.”

Thomas scoffed, slight amusement in his features. His eyes still looked tired, half-lidded and forming dark bags. But at least he was smiling a little.

That’s better, Eddie thought to himself, quick to give him another kiss. “S’okay if you ain’t feelin’ alright. I don’t have no problem with tryin’ to help you. I care about you, Tommy. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

The butcher didn’t say a word to him, only nodding—though it was enough for Eddie to understand. A part of him still wanted to deal with it on his own, a part of him still needed to. That part of him hated the idea of being taken care of, being weak enough to need it, and yet another relished in it so deeply. Perhaps he was getting too tired to care. To hate himself for it, to hate himself enough to stop it. 

Thomas broke down like an aging machine, leaning against Eddie and only breathing low as he felt himself fall apart. Eddie let him, for he knew he needed it. For he loved him enough to hold him, still.

[theladyofdeath]

Life As We Know It {Chapter 12}

Summary: After the sudden deaths of Nesta’s sister and Cassian’s best friend, they gain guardianship of their nephew, Nyx.

Based on Life As We Know It (2010) and a prompt sent in by anonymous for our Nessian fanfic contest. This is a modern au.

Instead of doing a tag list for this story, we have decided to have a set posting schedule. Chapters will be posted weekly on Mondays and Thursdays. Chapters will be posted on both my and Shelby's blogs! >> @snelbz​

Life As We Know It Masterlist

Shelby’s Masterlist

Tara’s Masterlist

* In case you missed the announcement - we will now be posting chapters 3 days a week! Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays. We hope you continue to enjoy the story! 

** Trigger warning: Miscarriage. 

This chapter is legit a roller coaster, ngl. Enjoy. ;)

“You don’t have to do this, you know.”

Nesta stood in the living room of Elain’s house with Nyx on her hip, feeling guilty for dropping Nyx off for the night even though Elain was the one to offer. 

“I know I don’t have to, but I want to. Gives these little cousins some bonding time.” She reached out and took Nyx’s chubby little hand. “Besides, you and Cassian both need time to recoup.”

She wasn’t about to deny that. It had been a week since her not-date with Balthazar, a week since she and Cassian had uttered more than passing comments on how Nyx had acted throughout the day to each other.

Every time she looked at him, she found him already watching her and the fact got under her skin.

It became an unspoken thing that whenever she cooked dinner, she would make an extra helping and put it in the fridge for him. Not because she felt like she needed to, but because it made her feel better about their awkward arrangement. The longer time went on, the more she realized that as much as she’d been acting like taking care of Nyx together was a death sentence to her social life, he was going through the same thing.

And when she got home, she planned on making dinner for the two of them to share together. A sort of white flag of truce between them.

It was the least she could do. “Call me the second something happens-.”

“We’ll be fine,” Elain said, taking Nyx from Nesta and kissing her sister’s cheek. “Now, go. Relax. Take a bubble bath with some wine or something. Read one of those filthy books you used to hide in your closet.”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed.

Elain’s smile widened.

After a tough goodbye, Nesta was heading toward her car and driving back home, making a quick stop at the grocery store just around the corner.

She quickly got all of her fixins, prepared to make one of her favorites - salmon, rice, and green beans. A glance at the calendar that morning told her he would probably be home around five, which gave her just under two hours to make dinner. Easily doable, she’d made three-course meals in less time, for much harsher customers.

Yet she couldn’t figure out why her stomach was in knots.

*

When Cassian came home, he opened the front door and froze. The quiet in the house unnerved him. Usually, there was some random white noise to fill the house, whether that was the television or one of Nyx’s inane toys that distracted him so well. But as he walked through the house, the TV wasn’t on and he couldn’t hear much of anything.

Until he heard a throat clear from the kitchen.

Instantly, Cassian was on alert, not liking the sound at all, recognizing who it had belonged to, but silently, he made his way into the kitchen.

Nesta was sitting at the table, a plate of food in front of her, with an identical one at the spot he typically sat in.

“What’s…going on?” He asked, slowly taking another few steps into the kitchen.

Nesta stood and grabbed a beer out of the fridge, before taking it back over to where he hovered between the table and the doorway. She held the cold bottle out to him. “This is a truce.”

“A tru-?” He took it, but shook his head, not quite understanding her. “Where’s Nyx?”

“He is having a sleepover with Seph, Elain and Azriel. Elain wanted us to have a night off,” she said, sitting back down at her seat. “So I made us dinner.”

“You made us dinner?” he repeated, staring at the plates. “For the two of us to have? Together? At the same table?”

Nesta’s eyes narrowed. “Yes, unless you don’t want it.”

Cassian cleared his throat as he pulled the chair out across from her and popped open his beer. “I won’t turn down free food. Especially when it’s made by an expert.” 

Nesta said nothing more as she cut into her salmon. “An expert?”

“You get paid for cooking,” Cassian said, picking up his fork and collecting a pile of green beans. “That makes you an expert. A professional.”

“This is a lot of compliments,” she said, watching him carefully as he ate.

“Maybe I’m jumping on board with this whole truce thing,” he said, mouth full of food.

Nesta wanted to chastise him about his manners, but bit her tongue. “You weren’t on board with it to begin with?”

He chewed slowly and then set his fork down. “Neither of us have…handled this very well,” he admitted, taking a drink from his beer. “And I’m willing to take a portion of the blame, but not all of it.”

Nesta weighed his words carefully. They were blunt, but not untrue. Sure, he’d acted like an ass many times, but she had only responded in kind. She knew she could be a bitch, and she knew she did it well. Sometimes too well.

“For this to be an official truce,” she began, holding her wine glass in her hand, swirling it once, twice, “there has to be terms we both agree on.” His eyebrows raised, but she pressed on before he could speak. “Mine are that we have to communicate. When you get frustrated or pissed at me, you can’t just bottle everything up until it all explodes. And when I get overwhelmed, I promise not to snap at you or act like such a…”

“A bitch?” He provided, when she stumbled over her words, smiling around the beer bottle pressed to his lips.

She wasn’t able to stop the smile growing on her own face, as she said, “Thank you, asshole. But yes. Those are my terms.”

He took a drink and nodded. “Okay. I think I can handle those.”

“And what are your terms?” She asked, cutting into the flaky fish for another bite.

He was quiet for a moment, debating. Nesta took a sip from her wine glass while she waited, watching as thought after thought passed across his face.

“I want to get to know you,” he said, finally. “I want to know who you are and I want you to know me.”

Nesta cocked her head to the side. It was a simple request, but Nesta wasn’t exactly good at allowing people to get to know rher. “And how do you suppose we do that?”

“A simple conversation will do,” he said, shrugging. “Over salmon and alcohol. Mostly alcohol.” He reached across the small table and picked up her wine bottle, filling up her wine glass to the brim. 

“Getting me drunk so that I open up?” Nesta asked, sipping from that wine glass.

Cassian chuckled. “I would never.”

She watched her for a second, before taking another larger drink and setting it down. “Fine. Then it’s a truce.” He smirked, glancing over the table between them and then leaned over to look on the counter. “What?”

“I’m just looking for an official notice.” His smirk grew into an all out grin. “Something to sign. I figured you’d called up Tarquin and had some official documents written up.”

“You think you’re so funny.” She rolled her eyes and he chuckled, reaching an open hand across the table.

“Truce,” he said, taking her hand in his. They shook once, and Cassian was struck by how much smaller her hand was than his, yet by how firm her grip was. It was an impressive, professional handshake.

“So what do you want to know?” She asked, scooping some rice onto her fork and getting a bite of fish to go along with it.

His eyes narrowed as he thought about it and she began to wonder whether they should have laid down some boundaries. But he asked, “You went to the University of Velaris, right? What did you study there?”

Nesta blinked in surprise, not having expected the question. “Business and marketing.”

Chewing slowly, Cassian raised an eyebrow. “Nothing culinary?”

She shook her head. “No, I liked cooking, but I never thought it would become my career. I majored in business and marketing, with a minor in communications.”

“That sounds…” He fought for the words for a second. “Boring.”

Taking a drink of her wine, Nesta chuckled. “Oh, it was,” she admitted. “The longest four years of my life, but I’ve got the pretty, little diploma with my name written on it to show for them.”

“And how did you learn about food? How to cook?”

She shrugged. “I taught myself. I graduated college and had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I got a data entry job at a marketing firm and spent my free time in the kitchen, trying and testing and tasting.” She paused, and her eyes fell to her plate. “Before my dad died, he listened to my idea about starting a small restaurant, with a few of my favorite recipes on the menu. He left me the money to do it in his will.”

“And now?” he pressed, although his voice held a certain gentleness. “Are you successful and thriving?”

Nesta snorted. “I make enough to live and pay the few of servers I have. If that’s successful, then I suppose.”

Cassian nodded in appreciation. “I’d say it is. What about the future? Bigger restaurant? Multiple restaurants?” 

“Someday,” Nesta said, with a longing in her voice. “And what about you? And your guitars? Surely you don’t want to be a bartender forever.”

Cassian shrugged. “I don’t mind the bartending. Good tips and I meet a lot of interesting people.”

“But?” Nesta asked. 

“But,” Cassian repeated, huffing a laugh. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t exactly say that managing a bar is my passion.” 

“So, guitars then?” Nesta asked, brow raised. “You’re really talented. Your guitars are beautiful.”

Cassian’s eyes shot to hers, wide as he slowly set down his fork. “Holy shit, did you just compliment me?”

Nesta’s lips pursed as she kicked his shin under the table.

“I’ve always been good with my hands. Not like that,” he said, pointing at her when he saw the smirk growing. “I mean, creating things, playing instruments, even something as mundane as making drinks. If it’s something I can do with my hands, I typically love it and nine times out of ten, I’m good at it.” There was none of the cockiness she’d come to know in his voice. Just pure explanation, and a bit of devotion. “I’ve tried my hand at making furniture and little knickknacks, but there’s nothing that compares to building an instrument from scratch.”

“And you do it all? Yourself?” She asked, taking another bite.

He nodded. “I start with a few rough pieces of wood. Sand it, stain it, and boom, brand new guitar.”

Snorting, she lifted her wine glass to her lips. “I think you may have missed a few steps in there.”

“Well, I didn’t want to bore you,” he chuckled.

“How long have you been playing guitar?” Nesta asked, finishing off the last of her food.

Cassian took a minute to think about it, then shrugged, finishing off his beer. “As long as I can remember. I grew up with my mom in Illyria. They live simply up there. Music is…a way of life. It grew on me quickly. Mom bought me my first guitar that a friend of hers had made before I could even walk.”

Nesta chuckled, quietly. “Just like you did for Nyx.”

Cassian nodded. “Yeah, I guess so. Another drink?” he asked, nodding toward her emptied glass.

“Sure,” she said. “But, wine is gone. I think there’s some tequila in the cabinet.”

Cassian lifted a brow as he rose. “Tequila?”

Nesta grinned as he went to the cabinet. “Make me a drink, bartender?”

Cassian laughed as he grabbed the glass bottle from the cabinet. “I can. What’ll it be? Tequila sunrise? Margarita? Pretty sure we have some lime juice, somewhere.”

“I’m not picky,” Nesta promised.

She heard him laugh. “Somehow, I have a hard time believing that, Archeron.”

“Only where it counts,” she replied, smiling at him. She picked up their empty plates and rinsed them off, loading them into the dishwasher. Turning, she found him setting a shot glass with salt on the rim down on the counter. She chuckled. “That’s not what I asked for.”

“First of all, you technically didn’t ask for anything in particular,” he said, pointing at her as he crossed the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Secondly, this is the most classic drink I can make you with tequila. It’s the oldest recipe in the books.”

She outright laughed. “That’s cause it’s just straight tequila.”

“Exactly,” he grinned and damn it, if her heart didn’t skip a beat. “I lied, no lime juice.”

“Fine,” she said, crossing her arms. “But if I’m doing sloppy shots, you’re joining me.”

“Oh, I never say no to shots,” he said, grabbing another from the cabinet. 

He filled them up, and slid one to Nesta, who took the glass in her hand and held it up.

Cassian clinked his against hers, and they tossed them back. 

Nesta’s face didn’t change a bit, and Cassian met her steady eyes. “Impressive.” 

“Not my first tequila shot, Nazari,” she said, hopping up to sit on the counter. “What else do you want to ask me?”

He leaned down on the countertop, letting his arms lay flat. “Hmm.” He let his fingers drum quietly. “What did you want to be when you grew up? Or was it always a chef?”

She scrunched up her nose. “I was convinced I was going to be a doctor, I wanted to help people. But then I found out how many years of school was required to be a doctor. So I decided I wanted to be a nurse.”

Cassian carefully poured a couple more shots. “And what happened to that dream?”

“I found out that the sight of blood makes me queasy. Sometimes I throw up, sometimes I pass out.”

He laughed. “That seems like enough to throw off a career plan.”

“Yep,” she admitted, picking her wine glass up.

Cassian filled up the shot glasses, once more, and slid hers back to her. She set down her wine glass and snorted as she tossed it back.

“You know what we should do?” Nesta asked, and Cassian lifted a brow in question. “Go for a swim. We’ve been here over a month and have yet to use the pool that I’ve been cleaning, daily.”

Cassian took his shot before watching her, closely. “Last one in has to share their deepest, darkest secret.”

Nesta scoffed. “What are we, children?”

Cassian grinned as he pushed himself back from the counter. “Scared of a little competition? Afraid to lose?”

They stared at each other in silence for a minute before Nesta jumped off the counter, and ran up the stairs to throw on her swimsuit.

Cassian and his heavy footsteps were close behind.

It took her a few minutes to remember where her swimsuits had been packed, and from the slamming of drawers down the hall, it seemed Cassian was in a similar predicament. She finally found a two piece stuffed in the back of her underwear drawer, not exactly what she had been looking for, and hesitated before stripping down and pulling the bottoms on. Nesta was out her bedroom door before she even had the top fully tied, pulling it into a hastily tied bow behind her back. Her feet carried her as she flew down the stairs, but she froze when she opened the sliding glass door and found him already in the water.

He grinned from where he had his muscular arms resting on the side of the pool, and his hair was soaked, pushed back off of his face. With the wide smile on his face, he looked so much younger, almost boyish.

With a sigh, Nesta turned and walked back into the kitchen, grabbing a couple beers in each hand and made her way back onto the lit up patio.

“I win,” he said, smirking up at her.

The tongue she stuck out at him wasn’t her most quick witted response, but she was trying not to let her eyes drift beneath the water. When she suggested the pool, she hadn’t been thinking of how much skin would be on display, for either of them.

“That’s because you only had one piece to put on,” Nesta said, sitting near him by the edge and handing him a drink.

“Hey, if you only wanted to put on one of those pieces, I wouldn’t have stopped you,” he protested, and Nesta had to hide the way his suggestive tone, those words, made her blush. 

He didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he popped open his beer and took a long, slow drink.

“So how about that secret?” He asked, voice lowering. 

“Hmmm,” she crooned, tapping her chin. “Which to share when I have so many to choose from?”

Cassian chuckled. “You would have an endless string of secrets. Come on, what skeletons are in your closet? Something you’ve never told anyone else.”

Nesta had a lot of those, too. She wasn’t exactly the “open” type.

There was one true secret she kept though. One that no one else had known, not even Feyre or Elain. Just her and…

She hesitated and he looked up at her, caught the look on her face. “What?”

Shaking her head, she said, “I don’t want to kill the mood.”

The hand holding the bottle was right next to her thigh, and he let his pinky skim over her skin. “That kind of secret, huh?”

She gnawed into her lip, nodding.

“I’ll tell you mine, if it helps,” Cassian said, looking up into her face.

She slipped into the pool, thankful the water was warm, and shook her head. “That wasn’t our agreement.”

He stayed quiet, letting her process her own thoughts.

Sinking beneath the water, Nesta re-emerged, slicking her hair back. After a steadying breath, she said, “I’m sure you remember Tomas, my ex who interrupted our date?”

The mention of their date surprised Cassian, after so many weeks of them dancing around it. He nodded.

“We were together for a long time, you know? All through college.” She wasn’t looking at him, wouldn’t meet his eye. “I got pregnant just after our senior year. I had never wanted kids, you know? Wasn't the family type, at all. Never saw myself having a family. Anyway,” she continued, shaking her head. “It didn’t matter. I miscarried.”

Cassian continued to look at her, continued to watch as she stared blankly ahead. 

“I got excited about it, too, which is ridiculous,” she went on. “For a moment, for those few weeks that I thought Tomas and I would be starting a family… I actually got excited.”

“How far along were you?” He asked, gently.

She answered immediately, with no hesitation. “Thirteen weeks. It was like one day I was pregnant, carrying our child and the next… The baby was gone.” She was quiet for a moment. “I woke up one morning and there was blood, so much blood. Tom was already at work, so I drove myself to the hospital, but there was nothing they could do.”

Cassian recognized the slow blinking, knew she was reliving those slow, sad moments again.

“I was dying inside, trying to come to terms with the fact that our baby was gone, and Tomas got home and-.” She took a deep breath and looked over at him. “He asked what I was making for dinner. He didn’t even acknowledge that our child was gone and… l guess that’s when I decided to do the same. To pretend nothing happened. We didn’t really talk much about it. We never told our families, I never told Feyre or Elain. Our father died about a month later and it all seemed so insignificant at that point. But Tom and I never recovered, our relationship at least. We broke up a few months later and…” Nesta shrugged. “Life kept going. I decided to open my restaurant and never looked back.”

“I’m sorry,” Cassian said, quietly.

She finally looked at him and shrugged. “It was a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t make it any less painful of a memory,” he countered.

She just nodded. “It’s how it was supposed to be though, right? Wasn't meant to be.”

Cassian took another drink as he nodded, slowly.

“Anyway,” she began, clearing her throat before dunking herself back down under the water.

“Would you like my secret?” He asked, when she turned and rested her arms on the edge of the pool.

She shrugged. “If you feel so inclined. You didn’t lose the bet.”

He leaned back, letting his arms drape across the edge of the pool as well. “When I was eighteen, I broke my back. I decided to take a year off before I started school, and was working construction over the summer to save money. I wanted to travel for a while. But then I took a bad fall off a roof. I spent two weeks in the hospital and then was stuck in my bed for another ten. And Rhys and Az stayed by my side the whole time. They put off their last hoorah vacations before they went off to college to stay with me.”

Nesta’s eyes drifted to Cassian, drops falling from her lashes. “Doesn’t seem like a secret if people know about it.” 

“You didn’t know,” he shot back.

Nesta smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Fair. That sounds awful.”

“It was,” he agreed. “I don’t know if you know this about me, but I don’t like to stay still for very long.”

“Oh, I’ve noticed,” Nesta said, a little spark returning to her eye. “It was torture,” he followed, finishing off his drink. “Not being able to move. I played so many damn board games that I never want to look at one ever again.”

“Even if Nyx asks?” Nesta inquired.

Cassian gave her a lopsided grin. “Well, he’s the exception.” Nesta laughed, and Cassian shook his head. “I’d do anything for that kid. I think Rhys knew that, when he named me godfather.”

She understood that, related to it completely. Especially considering they had been named godparents together, regardless of their mutual distaste for the other. Their love for Nyx, for Rhys and Feyre, had been evident to everyone.

“I miss him,” she admitted, resting her cheek on the concrete. “I know it’s only one night, and I’m beyond appreciative, but… It’s weird not having him right inside.”

He nodded. “I get it. I do, too. I know Az and Elain can take care of him, and I’m sure he had a blast with Seph before they went to bed, but it hasn’t stopped me worrying about him.”

Nesta nodded, stretching her back. She took a drink from her beer. “Did you ever want kids of your own?”

He blew out a harsh breath and drained his own bottle before answering. “I never really considered it much, when I was younger. After my back healed, I was so focused on getting back to life that relationships and dating weren’t high on my priority list-.”

“But fucking was?” Nesta asked, smirking.

He rolled his eyes, nudging her slightly with a shoulder. “Maybe I was interested in sex more than relationships, I’ll admit. But before I knew it, my early twenties had come and gone. Everyone I knew was getting married and had babies on the way and… I was still the one living the bachelor life and decided to just run with it.”

“I get that,” Nesta agreed. “After…everything that happened with Tomas, I never wanted that again. My date with you and my date with Balthazar are the only two proper dates I’ve been on since college.”

Cassian lifted a brow. “And have you been on any improper dates?”

Nesta didn’t answer. Instead, her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink as she finished off her beer.

Cassian’s grin widened. “I never knew you were such a freak, Archeron.”

“Oh, fuck off,” she muttered, which just made him laugh harder. 

“I must admit, it’s nice to hear you talking about our infamous date so often tonight,” Cassian said, pulling himself out of the pool.

Nesta couldn’t help but notice the way his muscles flexed, how the drops of water streamed down his back, between his shoulders, down to his waistline and the swim trunks, which rode low on his hips. She cleared her throat. “I didn’t say anything nice about that date, did I?”

“Absolutely not, but is there really anything nice to say?” he asked, sliding the screen door open. “I mean, you were an absolute nightmare.”

She gawked after him as he went inside, and once he came back with a small pyramid of beer cans, Nesta said, “I was a nightmare? You were a complete disaster!”

He scoffed, setting the cans down and cannon balling back into the pool. Even though she was already in the water, Nesta couldn’t help the squeal that left her. Cassian was grinning when he came up for air. “I forgot my wallet. I fully intended to pay you back, both monetarily and with the best sex you’d ever had in your life, but you decided to get huffy, stomp back to your front door and slam it in my face.”

“Oh, please,” Nesta said, reaching for a can and popping it’s top. Foam erupted from the opening and she put her mouth to it before it could drip into the pool. “You were over twenty minutes late, you wore work boots and a leather jacket to the nicest restaurant in Velaris, and we ran into your fuck buddy.” She drank deeply from the can, emptying it in one go. “As for the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, I’ve become very accustomed to and am just fine with my own hand, so you’re going to have to try pretty hard to do better than I myself can.”

She wiggled her fingers in his face and before she could register what was happening, his hand was wrapped around her own. As if he didn’t already know that. Cassian had caught her getting herself off in the bathtub, a memory that was seared into both of their heads. He tugged her closer and the empty can fell from her hands, floating on top of the water.

“I was talking about the past, sweetheart, but you seem to be talking about the present,” he breathed as her chest brushed against his own. “Who says my offer still stands all these years later?”

“You’d be a fool not to make that offer,” she breathed, and she knew the scent of beer was all he was breathing in. 

“And would you accept it if I were?” he asked, one hand still wrapped around hers, the other snaking its way around her waist. “Still offering?” 

Nesta’s breath hitched as their mouths grew so close, too close, close enough to reach out and taste his lips with a brush of her tongue.

It was tempting.

It would be stupid. Alcohol fogging her brain or not, Nesta knew it would be stupid.

But it was tempting, and in that moment, there were very few things Nesta could think about other than his hands against her skin, his lips a breadth width away from her own, and his cock she could very prominently feel twitching against her thigh. 

Nesta’s lips brushed softly against his as she said, “Try and find out.”