#Ist

[interskyned]

“i’m not disabled” i say, folding my cane to be put in my bag and immediately nearly falling over in an elevator because my body can’t handle bending down

[riiviir]

hey guys I made a T-shirt design for my sister with heart issues, feel free to use it no credit needed!

alt versions bc I couldn't decide whether the heart should be red or not

btw if you want me to make a version with different text at the bottom let me know I'll probably do it

[adam-sztuk]

"And although I don't understand why, you and I have this special thing that makes me want to return to your lips one more time."

[zurko48]

[je-suis-ronflex]

J'ai un plan cul avec qui j'ai couché il y a un petit moment qui vient de m'écrire pour me dire qu'il avait été testé positif à une MST et qu'il voulait me prévenir au cas où, j'ai aucun symptôme mais le boug me dit qu'il n'en avait pas non plus et j'étais là en mode

mais c'est pas grave, je devais me faire dépister quoi qu'il arrive donc surprise mdr même si j'apprécie l'honnêteté du monsieur

[mgnifiqueyoo]

"Let me be the water that embraces you, a beautiful flower. A water lily. So that no storm can ever hurt you as it isn’t my heart’s choice."

───── ❝ summary ❞ ─────

‘ It's still me… but different. ‘

As everybody says, grief is the price we pay for love… and Y/N L/N could surely see herself believing it. After losing her best friend on his birthday, the poor girl knew to herself that his death was her wrongdoing. A mistake she could never forget.

But the moment she attempts to start over, she sees him again.

Junseok Oh. Resurrected from the dead.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ chapters ⋅.} ────── ⊰

act i: mia nea apxh | ΕΠΙΣΤΡΟΦΗ. | ΕΝΑΣ ΞΕΝΟΣ | ΚΟΡΟΪΔΙΑ | ΤΟ ΑΠΡΟΣΜΕΝΟ. | ΞΕΡΑΜΕΝΑ ΦΥΛΛΑ. | ΜΑΥΡΟ ΦΟΡΕΜΑ. | ΣΚΙΩΜΕΝΑ ΜΥΣΤΗΡΙΑ. | Η ΑΛΗΘΕΙΑ. act ii: ΝΥΚΤΕΡΙΝΟΣ. | ΜΙΑ ΠΑΡΩΔΙΑ. | ΠΑΡΕΞΗΓΩ. act iii:

⊱ ─────────────────────── ⊰

genre/s: angst, fluff, action, supernatural, adventure

main theme/s: enemies to lovers, best friends to lovers, heroism

status: ongoing

idols & group/s included: atbo members, seok rakwon (written prior his departure), jay b of got7/soloist, majority of the boyz (lee juyeon, kim younghoon, lee sangyeon, kim sunwoo, choi chanhee, kim sunwoo)

⊱ ─────────────────────── ⊰

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— support me on ko-fi! ☕ — request form! 📝

[aelianated-star]

Being loaded into an ambulance: Sorry am I ruining the vibe?

[ceces-thoughts]

October 1 2024

I was diagnosed with Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia (IST) last month. i finally have an answer to my heart issues. i was also diagnosed with ADHD which explains so much in my life and im happy i can get that figured out. my doctor now instead of blaming my heart, fatigue and joint issues on anxiety is now blaming that on the meds (minus my heart issues. proved her wrong lol) and i keep telling her it’s not the meds and something is seriously wrong.

other news i still haven’t talked to my mom and it’s been almost 3 months. i was thinking about what i want to say to her to try and resolve our issues but it made me nauseas. idk what to do about it. she’s immature and cant communicate healthily

[interskyned]

i got accommodations at work today so i can sit at the register and if you’re looking for a sign to do the same, THIS IS IT! i tried explaining to my fiancé when i got home that i was tired but not so tired i’m in need of medical attention and he was like “yeah? that’s how able bodied people feel?????” and i was so genuinely shocked, the magic of a fucking metal stool is unmatched and it’ll probably give my butt a bruise but it’s SO worth it

[adam-sztuk]

Let our bodies flow 😏😉

[zikllop]

Ich brauche leider nichts Außer einer Seele, die verwandt mit meiner ist.

Azad & PA Sports – NICHT ALLES GOLD

[toomanyacronyms]

Anyone else with Inappropriate Sinus Tachycardia (IST) or Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS) not on meds by choice?

I tried a med to help my body retain salt that didn't really make a noticable difference. Then a beta blocker that made me feel horrible and had to stop after three days. My main treatment is basically salt, water, compression socks, and currently have a rollator but looking into an active wheelchair.

I also failed the Levine Protocol because my symptoms don't really let up enough for me to lay on the floor. I can't build exercise tolerance.

Feel free to answer in the replies!

[vaelynez]

What kind of hell have I unlocked my heart-rate’s 150 sitting in the middle of class. What am I supposed to do, lay on the floor in the middle of a lecture?

Ah yes, chronic illness my beloved.

[mgnifiqueyoo]

Book: "Vessel." Pairing: Oh Junseok (ATBO) x Reader 1.10 - "ΝΥΚΤΕΡΙΝΟΣ." Word Count: 2,191

(prev. | next.)

───── ❝ nocturnal. ❞ ─────

My eyes shifted from side to side, constantly checking if there was someone still awake – well, more specifically, someone I knew. 

It was four in the morning and I had just woken up from my three-hour nap, which made the other two believe that I had already fallen asleep. Was I smart for doing that? Maybe but god, that painful headache was a horrible aftermath. But was it my fault that I couldn't stop myself from feeling tempted to know more? Okay, maybe but that's not the point.

The feeling was uncontrollable. It was like a rope was tightened around my waist, dragging me into a cave of untold stories. A room of forgotten memories. 

And I just can't bear standing here, doing nothing even if I already knew that he was… not alright.

My hand was balled into a fist as it hovered above the door of his room, resulting in me gulping as I braced myself before letting my knuckles lightly hit the door's surface. For a while, I stood there, wondering if my choices were even worth doing as the door soon opened, revealing him in another all-black outfit. 

This time, he actually looked like he was about to take a rest and not on a runway.

“Hm? Hey, there.” Junseok was acting weirdly relaxed as if nothing had happened earlier, causing me to slightly frown, which made him a bit ashamed of it. The door was quickly opened wider, allowing me to come in as I saw how organized his room was.

Something far from mine.

Well, it wasn't just the organization of his belongings that I was impressed at but also the extra furniture he had; like porcelain figures and such.

All of it looked amazing.

Turning around to look back at him, Junseok made his way to pull the chair next to his desk forward as he later sat on the edge of his bed. 

“You know why I'm here,” I told him, gaining a nod from him as I sat on the chair he pulled out, resting my arms over the desk as I leaned my chin over my knuckles. It was quiet and the two of us were equally awkward around each other. 

Well, who wouldn't? The topic was too surreal for me to understand in one day. 

But then, it was real. “How were you… found?” I asked, nervous about how he'd answer me as he took a deep breath, probably feeling the same way as I did. 

“All I remember was I was laying down on the shore and the council was looking down at me… Well, the representatives of the Nocturnal realm.” He gave a name for the place he's stayed at and I nod, letting out a hum as a sign for him to continue. “It happened in Crete... in Greece. I think it was cold that night because of the storm.”

Oh, I should've been a lot more prepared to hear that from him. “And listen, I don't have any memories except for what I told the council that night.” He emphasized, which made my brows furrow as I leaned in forward in curiosity. Well, isn't it like going back to school all over again? Thankfully, he's now in a more calmed position.

"What was it?” I questioned, pursing my lips shut.

“That I wanted to protect you,” Junseok answered in a tone as if it was obvious to him. “That I wanted to keep a girl named Y/N safe.”

I was out of words, shoulders slouched as if I wanted to hide from everything. I was hurt to know that it was the last thing Junseok said. 

That it was the last thing he said when he was still my best friend. “I didn't even know who you are but now, I know why my past self would want to do that,” Junseok said right after, having a small yet noticeable smile on his face.

Maybe I left a bizarre impression on him. That's for sure.

“Well, what happened next?” I asked a question quickly, shoulders rising up as I felt a bit shy to listen to him say that. 

Well, maybe not just a bit since I changed the topic. “No, wait. Do you feel good about yourself?” Junseok was still on that topic, shifting himself closer to me as his eyes glistened under the dimmed light of his room, his dimples showing again in a matter of seconds. 

“Not that much,” I muttered back, causing him to chuckle.

“I know you do but sure, let's not talk about that.” He teased, leaning back as he even took the pillow next to him, hugging it close to himself. “What happened next was that I was brought to the realm and training started soon,” he answered, still relaxed as if it was not a big deal for him to tell me almost everything about the past he kept from me.

Not for long, though. “Was I really an athlete in the past?” Junseok asked, scrunching his nose and furrowing his brows, not having a single clue about what he really was like in the past. 

And there was a glimpse of one of his competitions, where he successfully took down someone from a different academy. 

A time when everything's not too complicated.

“Yeah, you were… and you were great,” I told him with full honesty as he looked into my eyes as if he could see how I felt. 

I don't know exactly how I am feeling while talking to someone who died and was brought back to life for a new purpose but I could say that I was holding back a lot of my emotions. “That's what they said about me too,” Junseok said, breathing deeply before looking somewhere else as he probably wondered how his life was before that trip. 

“They said I was physically fit for the thing I have to do.” He continued, having a blunt smile across his face as I did the same to him. For some reason, it was upsetting yet comforting to talk to him like this. 

Where we were both honest with each other. “And every day, I kept on thinking about meeting you and I didn't know it was going to happen so soon,” Junseok revealed, breathing out in relief as he probably felt free.

For the first time, maybe?

Junseok then rests his chin on top of the pillow he's been hugging tightly, still breathing deeply. “Why did you say those things, then? You know, those words hurt.” I joked, which half of it wasn't as the boy had a gloomy look on his face. The experience of someone I once loved suddenly acting as a rude stranger to me was so painful that I didn't know whether to give up or not. 

I even had to talk it out with Seunghwan to collect myself.

“Because I didn't want you to be involved… My life- This mission... It's dangerous for you,” he said, truthfully as he couldn't even look at me anymore. I didn't know what he felt but now that I understood why he had to do it, I just hope he didn't feel so bad about himself. He did it for a reason that I never expected.

I actually thought he only did it for fun. 

“But now, I am involved and you can’t just not include me here, you know?” I shrugged, giving him a smile as he sighed, shaking his head right after. “If you could do things like that, then is it possible for you to teach me your ways? How can I protect myself?”

The moment I asked him that question, his face was full of nothing but terror as he pointed his finger at me. “No, you are not learning anything. Leave that thing to me. That’s my mission. That’s partially why I’m here.” He warned, his brows arched and his teeth gritted tightly as I felt my back lower down, underwhelmed. 

“But I don't want you to worry about my safety all the time!” I fought back.

Junseok shushed me, reminding me that it was already almost five in the morning as he didn't want to get any complaints from the students sleeping in the rooms next to his.

“Come on, wouldn't it be better for me? I mean, you do want to keep me safe…” I wasn't planning to give up easily on him as he took in a deep breath, his eyes slightly closed and his jaw tensed up. 

He was probably trying to control his temper, slowly opening his eyes afterward as he rolled them at me. “Well, aren't you right about that?” His sarcasm never failed to gloss over his words, resulting in me winking at him in satisfaction.

Junseok lets out another sigh as he gets up from the edge of his bed, making his way behind me as he takes both of my wrists in his hands carefully. “I want you to close your eyes,” He whispers softly, sending shivers down my spine yet I choose to ignore it, closing my eyes shut as quickly as possible. 

It was an odd experience. “Think of a weapon. Any weapon of your choice.”

And I thought of a weapon that was something simpler. Well, I don't know a thing about guns or knives so I wouldn't know how to think of those. 

So, I ended up with a bow and an arrow.

“Then, visualize the darkest place you've ever been in.”

When he told me that, I had no idea what he meant as I fought the urge to ask him to clear it all up for me. No, of course, I haven't been in any dark places except for Rakwon's party but if he was talking about it metaphorically, I could name a few.

But there was one situation that I thought was the darkest place I've ever been in.

It was the day after the ship sank and I was completely clueless over what had happened the night before. I remembered how I went outside of my bedroom, expecting my parents to be working as usual. 

I thought that I'd see my father go inside the living room with a white towel on his shoulder and his favorite red cap on top of his head – to keep away from the heat outside, where he always repaired the car engines of the neighbors. That day, I thought I'd see my mother in the kitchen, waiting for another batch of cookies to bake as she'd normally check her ten-year-old wristwatch, which was given to her by Dad.

But it was far from that.

They were seated in the living room, both of their heads bowed down as the younger me even asked if Junseok had sent me a text because every night, my parents would take my phone from me so that I could just sleep.

One text was all I needed just to know if he was safe. 

“Sweetheart, we need to tell you something.” My mother was quick to stop me from asking any more questions as she wanted me to sit between the two of them. 

“What’s going on?” I asked, still not catching up on the sorrow they've felt.

“We were contacted by the school and they told us that… Junseok and his family drowned from the trip.”

I was broken. So numb and bitter over it that there were no tears falling down my face. 

I felt angry. Disgusted at myself for doing nothing at all. As far as I could tell, that was the darkest place I've ever been in as Junseok might've noticed how I breathed silently like I was the ghost in his room.

“Open your eyes,” Junseok said as I did, seeing a form of the bow and arrow lying on both my palms. 

I was taken aback by the sight of it. Black mist swaying in different directions like air yet managing to have the image of a bow and an arrow. “Woah.” I was amazed by it, fixated on the arrow's stem that was a little intertwined with the bow's string.

“But don't linger too much in the darkness,” He suddenly spoke with a louder voice, causing me to flinch in shock as the weapon disappeared from my grasp – leaving only his hands wrapped around my wrists. “Use it for safety… Not for the downfall of others.” He reminded me once more, later letting go of my wrists as he sat on the edge of the bed, facing me again but this time, he looked a lot more comfortable around me. 

“So, we're actually friends now, huh?” Junseok casually commented as I snickered at him. 

A whole new world yet still the same person.

[normal-with-adhd-is-a-joke]

I'm doing things now that I have my powerchair that I never would have done when I was "able bodied". I'm slowly realizing that I was physically disabled for years before I developed CFS and was just in denial about it. The IST severely limited my ability to stand up for a long time and my knees kept me from doing things that required walking. My life used to be constantly controlled by "is that too much walking/standing for me?" and it's just not as much anymore. I've always struggled with big live shows because of the slow shuffle out, same way with getting on and off of planes, and in line at amusement parks. I just think of all the times I was miserable at fun events and how much more fun I would have had if I had a small powerchair or a manual chair with power assist. I punished myself because I was told I would get better if I exercised and I thought I was lazy for struggling to exercise and not being well enough to do things.