#Introversion and Isolation

[ejaydoeshisbest]

I am friendless.

Friendlessness has crept into my life so steadily, so relentlessly, that even writing the word feels like a strange admission—something I'd never have imagined a decade ago. Back then, I had friends. I was lit with ambition, starting a career that seemed like the start of a long climb. I had drive, independence, and an undeniable sense of direction. But somewhere along the way, things blurred, and that clarity eroded. So now, I'm here, sorting through the years, trying to map out where it all went wrong.

In high school, I was already an outsider. I didn’t belong, not really, and I didn’t try hard to change that. They had their worlds, and I had mine, so I stayed distant, watching their conversations from the outside, feeling the sting of being separate. When I tried to blend in, it felt forced. It felt like I was wearing a fragile mask. Still, a part of me felt compelled to keep trying, to at least pretend. I laughed along, sat at the edge of their circles, joined the conversations, though they left me feeling hollow.

College was my reset. I made a conscious choice to try, to change, to be “one of them” for once. I mimicked the ways of people I admired, those who seemed confident, well-liked. I learned the laughs, the glances, the postures that could make someone more approachable. And it worked, at least on the surface. My life started filling with the color and noise I had longed for—stories shared late into the night, plans made with people I found inspiring, infectious, even.

But the mask had its price. Some connections were real, but others, I realize now, were as flimsy as my attempts to keep up. I spent myself on people who were self-centered, toxic, and exhausting, but that high of being “liked,” of being wanted in a group, kept me going. There was a thrill in it, a strange power. For once, I felt polished, put together. I had a purpose, a path that felt justified.

Then, somewhere along the way, something in me snapped, took a complete 180. I withdrew, cutting people off with a coldness I didn’t fully understand. I convinced myself I didn’t need them, that with graduation looming, it didn’t matter. Maybe it was the books I read, maybe it was a new urge to explore solitude, independence, some untapped “artist” identity I thought I needed to embrace. The experiment was over. Or so I thought.

Looking back, I see how I convinced myself of a lie. While I still love solitude, crave it even, I know that this version of myself is incomplete. There’s a part of me that longs for connection just as deeply as it longs to be left alone. It’s hard to reconcile these two sides: the part of me that wants isolation and the part that wants to be noticed, understood, maybe even loved. I want to sit alone with my books, my thoughts, my creations, and yet I want to be out in the world, laughing, connecting, sharing stories until morning.

It’s taken me years to see how I let myself fall into this trap, believing I was fine on my own, that needing people was a weakness. I became a “lone wolf,” I told myself, someone strong enough to walk away from connections. But I went too far, let it solidify until it became who I was—or thought I was.

Now I’m here, trying to piece it all together, feeling like I’ve forgotten how to reach out, how to reconnect with those I once held close. After years of solitude, resentment, and stubbornness, I’ve grown so jaded that even being around others feels foreign. There’s a bitterness I carry, an aura of failure, and I know it seeps into every interaction, whether I intend it to or not.

So, this is my work now, my cocoon phase, where I rebuild. I need to unravel the knots of isolation and pride, and to face the parts of me that I buried along the way. To grow, I need to start small: forgiving myself, for one. For the mistakes, the years I lost to stubborn independence, the damage done. I need to learn that connection is not weakness, that reaching out is not defeat. Vulnerability is strength, the courage to bridge the gaps I let form.

This means accepting invitations even when the discomfort feels sharp. It means reaching out, sometimes awkwardly, to people I once shut out, not with grand gestures but simple words. I’ve missed you. How have you been? I’ll relearn the art of conversation, of shared interests, of showing up without pretending. And I need to balance it all with boundaries to stay authentic, to resist slipping back into the masks of before.

There’s no undoing the past, but I can commit to growth from here. With each connection I rebuild, with each moment of vulnerability, I can reclaim pieces of myself I thought I’d lost. And maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll find that this time, the connections I build will be rooted in something real.

Words: Ejay Diwas

[pyrosex]

I get her

[butterflybaby98]

Fake Loners

Some people in this world are true loners… They don’t need to be with others… They find companionship within their own souls— It gives them freedom and peace… ………. But the sad truth is, there are people who are not naturally loners, but choose loneliness… They are scared of rejection, so they avoid being accepted… ……….. People assume they are introverted… But deep in their minds, they crave a small chat, a friendly talk, to share thoughts. Yet, fear of rejection weakens their social skills… ………….. They have been rejected, ignored, left out a thousand times… Their traumas tell them; Be quiet. Be invisible. Be lonely… So you don’t feel the fear of being ignored… You don’t have to worry if they don’t invite you… And you don’t have to wonder if they secretly hate you… ………… Their shield is the word Introversion. This label gives strength to a fragile mind. They become a loner who secretly craves companionship… ……….. Fake loners— They love lunch with a group, laughter, and gossip at a crowded table… But they hide in the corner, pretending to enjoy their meal alone, thinking, Oh, I wish I could be one of them… ………… Fake loners— They love to share their ideas, thoughts, and jokes. But they stay silent, fearing judgment, sinking into the ocean of their lonely thoughts… …………….. Fake loners— They love being invited, to dinners, to fun outings. But they convince themselves it’s okay not to be asked… They fight the feeling of being left out, whispering, Darling, reading a book in bed is better than that… …………… Group photos— Another trigger. They never know where to stand, who to stand next to. Should I hold someone’s hand? No. They stand in the corner, hating the photo, deciding not to keep it because it makes them sadder. …………… Yes. I am a fake loner… I love to be involved, but fear rejection… is isolated myself, pretending to be a true loner; an introverted girl; hiding behind a mask of introversion… that saves my day.

[leventdraws]

The time i stole a dozen memes :)

[shy-raccoon]

Social Anxiety

I can feel the judgement in their stares from my appearance to my character.  

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me.   

I can hear their whisper and feel their stare piercing everything from my teos to my hair  

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me.   

I fear what they will say about my interests and say I’m weird for what I care for.   

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

I must be like a ghost invisible to the world, so I never have to hear the words that could shatter my world.  

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

So many people don’t take social anxiety seriously as a debilitating disorder that needs to be cured. 

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

I never realized the cost of avoiding all those who I could have held dear.  

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

Until I was staring at a two person only ride at the fair.  

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

Until there was nobody to put as a reference on my resume or recommend me to their boss. 

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

No one to talk to too, No one to help me cope, No one to give me hope.   

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

I had sentenced myself to isolation to avoid persecution. 

Don’t speak, don’t see, please don’t notice me. 

[scoutshorror]

We miss you!!

🥹 thanks. i’m… i’m gonna try to come back

[everythingseasoning]

The urge to cancel plans… hrfffffff… (air cries into my hands, telling myself I’ll love it once I’m there… metaphorically bangs my head against the wall)

[annagottheuke]

ghosting half the world to listen to music and be on tumblr!! (i need to stop)

[violet-phoenix-nebula]

Know those mind-blowing epiphanies you randomly get sucker punched with in the middle of the night?

I just had one.

I bet the primary reason I lack so much social intelligence and ability/desire to interact with other people is because my abusive parent isolated me so heavily in my teens. I always compare that environment and those years to imprisonment, and I just realized that it probably crippled me socially, most likely permanently.

Awesome. Something else I can thank them for.

[riseoftheejit]

This thing I do .....

[portablefrailty]

#3 Express to the Opera House

2023, by Portable Frailty

Refinement , confinement and digital distraction

[emperornorton47]

[leventdraws]

Also me.

[ray-the-red]

This is a meme that I find very much relatable.

[slightlymediocrebloghaver]

Something Long Covid taught me was that I’m really not cut out for the introverted lifestyle. I need my socialization, hangouts, outdoor stuff and just being around people. It’s energizing and helps considerably, and having to do less of all that to heal hasn’t been good for my mental health, even as I physically improve.

My friends, though, are mostly introverts. My hobbies tend to attract that sort. Even the annual New Year’s party I attend at my friend’s place is more his wife’s idea, something he abides but likes that I show up to give him someone to talk to. My friends, who out of concern for my health, figured less social activity would be good for me, and didn’t want me to overdo it…so tried not inviting me to stuff. Which made it worse.

But, it has been interesting to try and live like they do; more homebody, introspective. Focusing on myself. It’s funny that for them, this is a recharging experience, but for me, causes pretty severe anxiety.

We get so focused sometimes on introvert vs extrovert memes that we do forget just how vast a spectrum it is. Most of my friends are not socially awkward and are capable of social interaction; they just emphatically don’t seek it out. They aren’t shy, they CHOOSE to spend time by themselves or in smaller groups.

No real point to this post other than learning how to post on tumblr and vent. Being in my 30’s, most of my friends also live busier lives. Long Covid has forced me to slow down. It’s been a rough adjustment.

[healthyselflovetips]

Managing mental exhaustion without a support system can be challenging, but it is possible. Here are some strategies.