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up-in-space-reading · 3 months ago

Text

Average Weekly Screentime - Chap 6: Vodka Cran and a Countdown

pairing: Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago

word count: 4002

warnings/tags: college au, texting, drunk texting, text fic (mostly, there's prose a few chaps in), bets, bisexual!jake peralta, jake peralta has adhd, parties, drinking and alcohol, sexual references, implied sexual content (nothing explicit, just suggested its going to happen/has happened), friends to lovers, swearing, mentions of cannibalism, lighthearted threats of violence (typical rosa stuff yk), fluff

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Average Weekly Screentime masterlist

Story Summary: texting fic college AU with the squad! It's the beginning of the school year and while everyone else thinks it'll be the same as the previous year, Gina has a feeling things are going to be different and wagers a bet with Rosa and Charles. Told through all the various group chats everyone is in.

authors note: here we are with the NYE chapter finally! its a huge 4000 words so I hope you appreciate it and i'm getting started on the next chap as we speak.

hope you enjoy!! <3

Skipping School Is(n’t) Cool

[11:26am, Sunday]

Cameron: Feeling like a real life barbie doll right now

Ferris: explain???

Cameron: Gina took pity on me and has come over to help me find an outfit for tonight

Ferris: ah yep Ferris: thatll do it

Cameron: I have tried on at least 13 different tops Cameron: Gina said she’s determined to have me looking 10 times better than I usually do apparently

Ferris: i think u look great as u are Ferris: dont need to change a thing Ferris: dont let gina push u around too much

Cameron: Thanks Jake. I won’t :)

[2:36pm, Sunday]

Ferris: havent heard from u in a while and thought id make sure gina didnt destroy your will to live

Cameron: I am being attacked with curlers

Ferris: uh oh

Cameron: Rosa is here too now, the party playlist has been put on and Gina is about to start her makeup

Ferris: didnt you say she was over at yours tho???

Cameron: She showed up with a duffel bag

Ferris: haha of course

Cameron: It’s nice though, I won’t complain about getting to spend time with them, it might even be a little bit fun Cameron: I’m actually excited to see how my hair will turn out

Ferris: draft message: im excited to see you Ferris: if gina has done it then youll look great!

Cameron: Gotta go, Gina is wondering who I’m messaging

Ferris: byeee ames

Jimmy Jabbers

[09:32pm, Sunday]

Four Eyes: Me, Rosa, and Gina leaving my dorm in about 10 minutes. Will we be meeting you guys there or will we go together?

Pineapples: charles and i on the way Pineapples: will see u there!!

Four Eyes: See you there!!

Dance Squad

[09:33pm, Sunday]

G-Hive: amy looks fantastic G-Hive: too covered up but compromises were made

Charlese: Gina you’re not allowed to meddle!

G-Hive: i didnt meddle!!

Scary: technically it wasn’t meddling, she was ‘helping a friend’

Charlese: ugh FINE

G-Hive: youll change your attitude when they kiss at midnight

Charlese: you can’t guarantee that

G-Hive: i cant G-Hive: but i will anyway

Scary: I don’t think one ‘makeover’ is gonna make them wanna kiss each other

G-Hive: you have no sense of romance

Scary: something I pride myself on

Charlese: gtg Jake is giving me weird looks

Amy could tell Gina was up to something when she kept trying to give Amy a specific amount of drinks before they left and on uber ride to the party. She just kept refusing and was grateful when Rosa eventually intervened and got Gina to stop, joining in the pre-drinks with Gina. Amy wasn’t embarrassed to tell them her and Jake had made a bet but he hadn’t mentioned it so she didn’t want to either, it was their secret. She just hoped Jake hadn’t gotten started before the party otherwise the catch up was going to be rough.

For this year Terry and his friends had hired out an entire bar, apparently having thought of the idea after they spent three whole days cleaning the house after last year’s party. Amy could hear the music pumping from the venue before she could even see it, seeing a few girls walking towards the bar in short dresses and suddenly feeling underdressed.

Although, she took small comfort in the fact that Rosa had gone for a similar outfit template to her – dark jeans and a nice top. Gina had done her makeup which didn’t look much different to how Amy usually does it except a little darker around her eyes and a bolder lip colour, explaining that it was a special occasion and special occasions called for something extra. Amy’s hair had been styled in loose, voluminous curls, they bounced around when she moved her head and it made Amy feel glamorous.

Jimmy Jabbers

[09:58pm, Sunday]

Four Eyes: @Pineapples Where are you guys? We’re almost there

Pineapples: we’ve secured a table in the back corner Pineapples: get here quick tho these people are vultures

Four Eyes: Be there ASAP!

Jake spotted Amy immediately from across the bar, even through all the people moving around he saw her. She looked as beautiful as ever and he hoped Charles didn’t hear the little sigh he let slip upon seeing her. He then quickly looked at Charles’ drink on the table before Amy noticed him staring at her.

The three girls arrived at the table looking put out at the journey from the door to the table through the sea of people but seemed pleased to finally be there nonetheless. Amy gave Jake a wide smile and it made him feel all warm inside despite the cool temperature outside.

“What’s the poison tonight?” Amy joked to Jake as slid into the circular booth next to him.

“Nothing yet, what do you want?” He asked back.

Amy’s eyebrows raised slightly in surprise at the question before she collected herself and answered him with a simple ‘surprise me’.

Jake nudged to Charles to get up and the two of them went up to the bar to get drinks for everyone. They came back with their hands full of drinks, Jake had settled on getting him and Amy a vodka-cranberry each. He hadn’t wanted to get a drink she wouldn’t like and it was way too early in the night yet for shots.

Thank you’s and your welcome’s were exchanged as Jake and Charles sat back down, once they were seated Gina then raised her glass in the air.

“Happy new year losers!”

A chorus of ‘happy new year’ responded while they all clinked their glasses together in celebration. They spent a while sitting down and chatting over the loud music, laughing at dumb jokes and taking the chance to fully relax. Every so often someone would go up to get a new drink and make the offer to the table, by the time 11:00pm rolled around Jake and Amy were three drinks in.

Amy felt like going up and dancing, any other situation and she probably would already be on the dance floor but she was sandwiched into the booth by Jake and Charles on one side, and Gina and Rosa on the other.

Rosa then got up to get another drink from the bar and offered to the table, of which Jake gladly accepted after pointing out Amy had finished her third drink. Jake didn’t let Amy hear what the next drink was going to be, opting to text Rosa the order instead and taking great joy in her eye roll.

Bi Besties

[11:05pm, Sunday]

El Baboso: 2 vodka cran El Baboso: 5 tequila shots

He handed her some cash to cover the cost and she was off through the bar, Gina following behind her to assist and get another drink for herself. Not long after Rosa and Gina left, Charles spotted Genevieve and all but ran away from them. Amy couldn’t blame him, and she wasn’t too mad about being left alone with Jake. She couldn’t help but nod along to the music while talking to Jake and was keen to down the next drink and have a dance, and Jake seemed to read her mind.

“Wanna dance after this drink?” He asked, leaning a little bit closer to her to ask.

“Definitely!” Amy responded with a smile, her heart thundering at Jake being close enough for her to smell his cologne.

A few minutes later Rosa and Gina returned with a tray of drinks, Amy’s eyes going wide at the line of shots.

“I did get one for Charles but he’s gone so who would care for a second?” Jake asked.

“Mine!” Gina yelled as she picked up two of the full shot glasses and placed them on the table in front of her, claiming her prize before anyone else did – although, there were no arguments from anyone else at her claim.

The four of them clinked the shot glasses together and downed them, Amy was able to hold back gagging but her face still screwed up in disgust.

“Sorry Ames, I had to do at least one shot” He laughed, and Amy joined in.

“That’s fine, it is your prize after all” She waved one hand in dismissal while the other picked up her drink to have a sip.

After the shots Gina had dragged Rosa to the dance floor so now it truly was just Jake and Amy left, and she couldn’t be happier. She loved all of her friends but anytime she got to spend time with Jake was a highlight of her day, and she wouldn’t rather ring in the new year with anyone else.

“C’mon, lets go dance!” Jake was already standing up and held out his hand for Amy to take.

She took some last quick sips of her drink before abandoning it, knowing she won’t be returning to it, then slid out of the booth and took Jake’s hand. He led them through groups of people to a clear spot on the dance floor, Amy stayed close and held his hand tight the whole time. She had expected him to let go once they had made it to the dance floor but he didn’t, instead holding their hands up in the air as an invitation for her to spin underneath. Once she had realised what his intentions were she spun, causing both of them to giggle. He still didn’t let go after that, and neither did Amy.

They continued to dance until suddenly there was an announcement over the speaker that it was nearing midnight, everyone had started to shuffle around and pile towards to the DJ booth to start the countdown. The screen behind the DJ booth then showed a large countdown clock – 30 second until midnight.

For the first time since getting up, Jake let go of Amy’s hand and her heart dropped slightly. But they both stood next to each other, sides pressing against one another as they looked at the big countdown clock. With 15 seconds left until midnight Amy grabbed Jake’s hand in a moment of confidence, happy he didn’t pull away.

Jake and Amy, along with the whole bar, counted down the final ten seconds until midnight. The place erupted in cheers as it hit midnight, cries of happy new year and confetti surrounded them. Couples littered across the bar were kissing, some a small peck and others taking the opportunity to start an intense make out session.

Amy looked at Jake as the clock struck, yelling out happy new year and wanting to be the one who kissed him but she couldn’t strike up the courage. She also didn’t want to kiss him for the first time in a crowded bar where her shoes stuck to the floor and they were surrounded by strangers.

So she compromised on giving him a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck and she could feel him hesitate for a moment before his arms made their way around her waist and pulled her against him tightly.

Amy could smell his cologne and shampoo, it was intoxicating and made her head spin for a moment as she indulged in taking a deep breath of him. Her back burned where his hands were placed, fingers splayed out and holding her against him.

Once the cheers started to die down and the music play loudly Amy pulled away, knowing she let the hug go one for too long but tucking away the knowledge that Jake didn’t pull away either. She slid her hands to his shoulders and pulled back to look at him directly, not realising how close their faces were until it was too late.

The two of them stood there for a few moments, the rest of the world melted away as Amy searched Jake’s face for... something. Jake was looking at her with an expression she couldn’t quite read, a look she hadn’t seen on him before. She thought she imagined it when she noticed Jake’s eyes flick down to look at her lips for just a moment.

“Happy new year, Jake” Her voice was laced with longing, speaking to be barely audible over all the background noise.

“Happy new year, Ames” He responded breathlessly, and Amy could only wonder as to why.

This time it was Jake who pulled back, stepping away from Amy and reducing all contact except for holding onto her hand once more and starting to dance. Amy easily followed along and fell in time with Jake and the music once more, acting as if their weirdly intimate moment hadn’t just happened.

Amy isn’t sure how long they spend dancing until her phone goes off, and she can tell it’s a group chat based on the face Jake makes at the same time she gets the notification.

Jimmy Jabbers

[01:42am, Monday]

RoRo: gina sitting on the sidewalk, we’re getting an uber back RoRo: whos in?

Mr Grapes: Don’t worry about me! Will be with Genevieve

RoRo: barf

Pineapples: count amy and i in Pineapples: heading out now

Both Amy and Jake had quickly checked their messages at the same time and nodded in agreement pretty quickly at the suggestion of going home, as much fun as Amy had been having, she was getting tired. The alcohol making her head feel heavy and her legs getting tired from the dancing.

Jake kept a hold on Amy’s hand as they pushed their way out of the bar, people becoming a lot less kind and considerate now that they’d had a good amount of time to drink too much. But much to Amy’s disappointment he dropped it as soon as they reached the door, but even Amy couldn’t rationalise there was much need for it once on the street.

After a quick look both ways they spotted Rosa and Gina a few feet away from the bar entry. Rosa leaning against a building scrolling on her phone, and Gina was sat on the ground with her legs crossed and back leaning against the same building as Rosa.

“Jake! Amy! You’re coming with us?” Gina asked happily upon seeing the two of them approach.

“Of course Geen!” Jake responded, immediately matching her energy, “what are you doin’ down there?” He asked standing in front of her.

“Well I’d blame you for the shots you ordered but it was probably the round after that” There was a slight slur to her words and Amy had to hold back a giggle.

“Ah, makes sense” He held out a hand intending to help her up off the ground but instead she slapped it, giving him a high five that made Jake laugh.

Amy leaned on the building next to Rosa, tilting her head back against it and closing her eyes for a few moments. She took the time to breathe in the cool fresh air after having been in the stuffy bar for a few hours.

The uber arrives a few minutes later and the four of them pile in. Jake sat in the passenger seat while Amy was sandwiched between Rosa and Gina in the backseat, the car ride back was relatively quiet, Jake made conversation with the driver while Gina struggled to keep her eyes open while leaning her head against the window. Amy is quiet as she picks at her nails, too many thoughts of Jake swirling around in her head, a head that was not sober enough to deal with it all properly.

They reached campus and climbed out of the car back into the cold, which was now unwelcome after having sat in a warm car long enough to get accustomed to the temperature. Amy shivered as she climbed out and the four of them began the walk to their dorms.

“I’m gonna make sure Gina gets back safe” Rosa said before grabbing Gina by the shoulders and pointing her in the direction of her building.

“Okay, keep us updated. Goodnight guys” Jake calls out as Rosa and Gina walk off together.

“Goodnight!” Amy quickly called out after Jake.

Gina yells back a giggly goodbye while Rosa just raises a hand over her shoulder in their direction, barely sparing them another glance. Amy and Jake continue their walk together in comfortable silence, although Amy can’t help but feel an unexplainable tension has settled over them now.

Amy can’t help but think about their moment at midnight, she wanted to kiss him like everyone else around them, but Jake just wasn’t that kind of guy. If he wanted to be with her, he would’ve made it obvious by now. The more she mulls over the situation, the more upset it makes her; wanting to be with a man who doesn’t want her back, it’s positively heartbreaking.

It isn’t much longer before they reach the spot her and Jake have to split up to go to their respective buildings and Amy can’t decide whether she’s sad to say goodbye to him or relieved to no longer have to be around him.

“So, uh, did you have fun tonight?” Jake asked nervously, shoving his hands into his pockets and shifting back and forth on his feet.

“I did yeah, more fun than I expected. Thanks to you- and everyone else” Amy had to quickly add the last section, feeling embarrassed at her near slip up.

“That’s good, I’m glad. Well um, I gotta go-“ He pointed over his shoulder with a thumb in the direction of his building.

“Yeah of course, me too” Amy nervously tucked her hair behind her ears, needing something to do with her hands.

There was a beat of silence that stretched on almost slightly too long to be comfortable before Jake finally spoke.

“Goodnight Ames” he said quietly, voice laced with sincerity.

“Goodnight Jake” Amy returned easily, as if saying goodnight to Jake is something she’s been doing her whole life – as easy as breathing.

He gave her a small smile before turning around and walking away from her, leaving Amy standing on the path for a few moments just watching him walk away with his hands in his pockets. Finally, a shiver going through her body prompted her to quickly move towards her building, ready to climb under three blankets and defrost.

When she finally reached her dorm upon closing the door she let out a long sigh, trying to process how the night had gone. She moved around the room getting ready for bed, taking off her makeup and putting on her pyjamas and thinking about how late it was.

As she climbed into bed she thought about hugging Jake at midnight, how she had spent most of the evening holding his hand and how she would do anything to be near his warmth again. She practically falls against her pillow, lying on her side staring at her nightstand with her phone sitting there silently.

In a moment of weakness – and perhaps exhaustion – she opens her phone, the screen bright in her dark room. She navigates to her and Jake’s messages and reads through some of them, staring at the last few messages they exchanged before they had left for the night out.

Reading his messages from earlier in the day, he said Amy looks good just as she is – and Amy would blame the alcohol on the tears shed at these simple words, her heart aching.

Jake is frustrated beyond belief, he feels like an idiot, like a scared idiot. Too cowardly to even tell a girl he likes her. But it’s not just a girl, its Amy – she’s everything.

When he slams his dorm door shut he feels a bit guilty about how the noise echoes, knowing he woke at least a few people up with the force. He rubs his hands over his face and groans in frustration, before walking over to his bed and kicking the leg of it with enough force to make him curse at the pain shooting up through his toe.

The pain subsides after a few minutes but he still doesn’t feel any better, he’s angry at himself and angry at the world for everything. He’s angry that he’s just had a fun night out with his closest friends and now hates himself.

He doesn’t know what to do, other than angrily get ready for bed, leaving his clothes strewn on the floor for future-Jake to deal with. He doesn’t know how he can even manage seeing Amy again, but he knows he won’t survive without her.

Dance Squad

[02:35pm, Monday]

G-Hive: 5 mins be ready

Scary: for what?

Charlese: Post-NYE briefing??

G-Hive: just be ready!

[02:40pm, Monday]

G-Hive started an audio call Charlese joined the audio call Scary joined the audio call

Gina: Okay bitches, lets discuss

Charles: I barely saw you guys after I found Genevieve – she’s here by the way, filled her in on all the deets

Gina: Perfect, so we saw them a few times after you left

Rosa: They didn’t kiss, end of discussion. Can I go now?

Gina: What do you mean they didn’t kiss! Rosa you’re ruining the fun of this

Rosa: Oh no, I’m heartbroken

Gina: The sarcasm is not appreciated

Charles: So they didn’t kiss, how do you know this for sure?

Rosa: Fiiiiine. I know they didn’t kiss because the four of us took an uber together back to campus and believe me, they were not acting like two people who had kissed each other

Gina: Goddamn it! When did Jake become such a loser

Charles: I think that’s a bit far-

Gina: No it isn’t! Rosa, how do you even know for sure? What if they kissed but then felt awkward because Amy is awkward?

Charles: That’s a strong possibility, they’re my friends but I wouldn’t put it past them to make it awkward

Rosa: They just need to bone and get it over with

Gina: No sense of romance as per usual. Well we can find out whether or not they kissed

Charles: By asking them? Won’t that make them feel weird

Gina: No Charles, its very easy – we just ask one of them, probably Jake, whether he and Amy have spoken today

Rosa: That’s actually not a bad idea to get an answer

Gina: Rosa approved method!

Charles: Alright then, who’s gonna do it?

Rosa: Not it

Gina: I’ll do it and get back to you- actually stay on call, Charles I can update you about Sasha while we wait for Jake to answer

Charles: Oh absolutely!

DDC

[02:50pm, Monday]

G: have u talked to amy today??

Jacob: yeah why??

G: no reason

Charles: -why she wouldn’t just tell Matt is so weird-

Gina: Jake responded! He has talked to her today

Rosa: Firstly, Sasha needs to get her shit together, seriously. Secondly, that means Jake and Amy didn’t kiss. For the love of god can I go now?

Gina: Yes yes, bye Rosa

Charles: Bye Rosa!

Gina: Sasha’s honestly losing it-

Jimmy Jabbers

[03:36pm, Tuesday]

Four Eyes: Everyone ready for classes tomorrow?

Pineapples: i was trying to enjoy the last of my no class time :(

Four Eyes: It’s important to be prepared!

RoRo: i’m always ready for anything

Queen G: ill be winging it as per usual Queen G: and ill be slaying it as per usual

Four Eyes: Look on the bright side, we’re halfway now Four Eyes: Almost there!

Pineapples: still got the whole second half tho

Four Eyes: You’re gonna be fine, as long as you keep the momentum from last semester

Pineapples: idk ames Pineapples: holidays changed me

Four Eyes: Uh huh I’m sure they did

Dance Squad

[03:42pm, Tuesday]

G-Hive: god can they get a room G-Hive: im gonna barf

Scary: not even two days ago you were trying to hook them up

G-Hive: and i stand by that G-Hive: i just dont want them being gross in the gc

Charlese: I think it’s cute!

Scary: gross

G-Hive: gross

authors note: As always thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Your kudos and comments keep me going and motivated so thanks to everyone who's given kudos and commented, i love you all <3 I'll have the next chap out as soon as I can but as usual no promises since christmas is coming up and i've got many plans on (unfortunately), but i'll try my hardest!

#alice writes #jake peralta x amy santiago #jake peralta #amy santiago #gina linetti #rosa diaz #charles boyle #fluff #college!au #bisexual!jake peralta #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #multi chap #average weekly screentime

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bambi-kinos · 2 years ago

Photo

So r/beatlescirclejerk posted a butthole chart which I immediately dragged back to the Discord server for discussion. A consensus has been reached and I present to you the new and improved Beatles butthole chart. I will post some of the discussion and reasoning behind these choices as well as my personal take on John and Paul combined with the knowledge learned from my high school Anatomy class 15 years ago.

mynamesbetty — Today at 1:43 PM how dare you make me look at this with my eyes

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 1:44 PM This is extremely important Beatles historiography

mynamesbetty — Today at 1:54 PM We saw John's butt on the back of Two Virgins, I don't recall it being hairy

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 1:55 PM That's a good point as well

We have a full shot of John's butt, a side view of Paul's butt, and a suspected shot of Ringo's butt....do we have a shot of George's butt

What i find interesting is the skintone chart, i always figured Paul's butthole would be pink.

mynamesbetty — Today at 1:59 PM butthole color is the same as lip color

VeggieRavioli — Today at 2:06 PM I am ignoring this notification in protest

namaste — Today at 7:22 PM What’s the saying? God has a plan? I hate how quickly I could form an opinion on this.

I think it’s mostly wrong.

John: hairless wonder, smooth as a peach, that apricot skin… Quote by Yoko (won’t fetch sorry on deadline she says yet shitposting) over how keen they were on hygiene and baths. Known to wear Witch Hazel by Quinn's throughout his life. The real flower princess.

Also, uncut. Had to be on top of that. Double-jointed, agile, loose like a cat. Happy to confirm all of the above via Self-Portrait. Do DM it anytime. I’ll find 42 mins to analyse and report.

Paul: VERY furry and soft unless he waxes (I mean he did tweeze his eyebrows at one point, who knows? Actually John does…).

Smelly if I go by a description of dog faeces and poor housekeeping by him at Cavendish. Oh, and crabs. I’ll never forget in GB George looking 🤢 while cleaning his guitar strings with an alcohol wipe.

Tight. Everything about him is tight. Very tight in fact. Tightwad, uptight and a song by John, the great Tight A$ which is most definitely not a Yoko song.

George: meticulous, good work ethic, a gentleman according to all, professional, always well presented, and the rare individual in GB who looks clean at all times. Hairy dude, but less than Paul.

One way or another, he probably had the best upkeep of all. Chakra oil all over I imagine. Known to smell good. He likely could be anything he wanted to be between loose and tight. Flexible mind in a nimble body.

Ringo: smoothest skin of all. I’m assuming the entire toolbox is fabulous. He may well have the nicest pinkest best defined hole of them all. Like George, a precise and meticulous fella. Known to smell good.

Also, likes jewellery. The key question here is does he have a third tattoo, a ring or both?

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 8:02 PM This is the best response i could receive

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 8:09 PM I will repost my anal-ysis from [redacted]

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:19 PM Its mostly about color as we got on to talking about skintones

namaste — Today at 9:22 PM I’ll let you guys try to find Paul’s skin tone there underneath all that soft fur of his.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:23 PM just one more reason why we need a fucking paul mccart only fans. vintage nudes

namaste — Today at 9:24 PM Exactly. I wish EMI had put their foot down a lot harder about the Two Virgins cover. Now we would know.

“Sean, open them vaults…”

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:26 PM okay okay okay so. this was in response to another person who was pondering the connection between lips and assholes, as per betty's note about lips and butt holes sharing a color. I have combined this knowledge with what I know about sex having so here we go. everything from here is me quoting myself:

Honestly to get a detailed hypothesis regarding their butthole colors we'll need to study color photos of the boys and examine their lips, compare them across decades etc

Obvs this will get easier as we get into later decades. Lighting must be accounted for and so on

Initial survey here suggests a pale pink for all of them....George and Ringo probably paler and more skin toned. John did have a phenomenon where his lips would get very raw and red when he worked up a sweat which makes sense, he's flushing because he's physically active. This is also a side effect of him being a redhead, they blush easily. From this we can also assume John's hole and genitalia would become heavily colored during sexual activity as well.

(The photos I was thinking of. Note how even in the original b&w John’s lips are noticeably more colored than normal. Compare this to other color photos where he’s sedate where his lips are paler. This is consistent with how he gets flushed when physically worked up. - Ed.)

Paul its not as obvious (so him) but just from this photo I can assume baseline that he's naturally a soft pink yknow.... Maybe doesn't flush as dark as John.

1970s we're getting more color but less hi-def photos. Keeping it to John and Paul now. Still looking like a pale pink but Paul's lips/genitalia color is more vibrant now than John's.

1980s, Paul much the same, John is notably a bit more vibrant. I bet his dick still turns purple if you don't let him cum for an hour.

I'm doing all this from my phone so finding images is a little difficult, I'll call these findings preliminary. But from these I'm guess that Paul's hole and genitals trend towards a pale pink and flush a deeper pink during sexual activity. John's would be pale, probably only a shade or two darker than his original skintone and then he flushes a very deep and dark red during intercourse.

[someone in a second Discord server asked me if I was going to survey the Beatles' relatives and try to build visual profiles based off their appearances in order to build a bigger skintone chart that can tell us more about the Beatles’ blush patterns.]

What it would actually require is examining photos of male genitalia from the same ethno groups that the Beatles belong to, keeping in mind that even for their time their families were heavily mixed thru intermarriage between Irish and Anglos. I don't mind doing it but it would take a while so examining their lip colors is suitable for now.

We live in a world where there's no Paul McCartney Only Fans and I can't pay money to see his asshole get railed with a knotted Bad Dragon dildo. truly we live in the darkest timeline.

namaste — Today at 9:32 PM John slept with Bowie who you know... I’d think your description explains why that was not repeated. He probably couldn’t sit down for a week. Sang fairly high in Fame.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:32 PM bingo

namaste — Today at 9:32 PM We’re breaking ground here as always.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:33 PM I'm sure john and paul are both very tight tbh though paul probably remained so and struggled to relax -- made it good for john though, I don't think he's the type who would complain about it.

Leggy Maddingway — Today at 9:37 PM otherwise I believe your guesses about their hygiene and the scents they used are spot on. wouldn't surprise me at all if Paul was hairy down there, someone on reddit reminded me that it's about what's between the cheeks not necessarily on... its not unusual to have hair there either. It's one of those things that gives Paul a masculine edge to salt his femininity, I doubt John had any complaints considering the caliber of men he was used to hooking up with.

</end quote

From these discussions and my own thoughts, I built the new and improved Beatles butthole chart. Please let me know what you guys think. I will be updating this post if any new information comes to light or if I find my notes from my Anatomy class. Cheers!

#the beatles #paul mccartney #john lennon #george harrison #ringo starr #mclennon #my meta #beatles meta #talktalktalk #shitpost

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leoolol2 · 1 month ago

Text

29/09/2024

I wasn't expecting something this big, but here is my second day of writing.

anotação pro meu psicólogo: o senhor pode me fazer um relatório pra eu ir pro psicólogo da minha mãe, por favor? ela queria que eu fosse porque eu realmente tô com dificuldade de estudar mesmo estudando fora do meu quarto, e ela achava que o meu quarto era o problema. :) obrigado.

Well, I can't sleep. Like, at all. So here I am, already writing this in 2:30 AM! I probably will have an all-nighter and wtv, I should be productive tonight.

I was a bit productive, doing some of my math homework and watching some mvs from my fav bands until 4 am and then just passing out. I then woke up at 9, and my mom wrote some of my fav bands on my nails! i forgot to mention yesterday that i painted my own nails at night. (mcr and p!atd). i also took a bath in the morning and washed my hair; something i think i havent done for about 1 or 2 weeks? i think im getting worse, mental health wise, but i dont know. i'll update this once the afternoon ends. I also ranted a bunch about mcr and fob to my mom, and she complained about linkin park to me. i love my mom and having similar interests with her! My brother came to visit us today! :)

I ate some actual meal today: broccoli, rice, just a bit grinded meat, sweet potato, and normal potato. The broccoli tasted like shit. I also drank peach tea. After lunch, we went back home and got my Nina the Killer cosplay jacket to a dressmaker so that she could put a zipper on it. We then went to get some icecream at McDonald's! I ranted a bunch about MCR again but this time to my brother. :)

After that we went back home and my family decided to put up the shelf I had on my floor for the longest time. It's a bit crooked, but I don't mind, honestly. I now have a bunch of shit I need to put up on the shelf once more, though. It's all on my bed, making me barely able to sit here and write this on my PC. Well, I should put up my stuff on my "new" shelf.

after scrolling through tumblr a bunch my mom did my nails for me. it was fun. i only got a top coat added because my black nail polish is on the verge of dying but its fine! i'll buy some later. my nails are not shiny, though.

i did some of my hw, and also got my piano out of under my bed! my friend also got me in contact w this russian boy, i think hes cute. hes in brazil too, so i rly hope he replies to my dm on insta.

im so so soo sleepy, so im gonna go sleep after i finish at least this teacher's hw. its 21:47, for the record. i didn't stay up that late today. still, im gonna post this. i hope whoever reads this has a good day!

꒰꒰・┄┄┄┄・rants section・┄┄┄┄・꒱꒱

this is a section i made up to see if any time i have any rants, i come here!

so it will be more in depth than the actual casual diary. (i also will mention when exactly i wrote it!)

12:52. thinking about how my therapist tells me to act as my own best friend. i dont know how, genuinely. i cannot. maybe i can suck my own dick sometimes and tell myself im so hot and the best person in the world, but thats obviously not true. its not like i feel like that all the time, either. from a day to another i suddenly feel like the worst person alive. its not as if someone tells me that i am, or something triggers me. i just feel that out of no where. but whatever.

16:22. My dad doesn't understand that yelling at my dog doesn't do anything. It just makes her madder and more pissed off at the world and makes me actually feel sick and about to cry. I want to protect her from everything. I don't want to be here, I want to go away with her and fuck everything else. I won't be missed probably anyway. The only people that would miss me is my online friends, who doesn't really know me in real life. Well, I guess some that have this blog can now know more about me. :)

16:26. Thinking about the ripped up letter. I wasted 2 hours of my night writing that for a girl who didn't even want me romantically. She just wanted to have fun, someone to kiss with no feelings truly attached. I guess that would be fun if my feelings didn't feel so extreme. Someone I love can become someone I despise just because of a small mistake they didn't really mean to do. Well, I try not to be too mad at them for that, but this isn't the case of that anyway. I wanted her to be my girlfriend but she didn't want to have anything romantic. She practically cut ties and said that she had shit for yesterday when she used to be so excited to see me some time ago. Maybe it was an excuse that she made. Either way, we're not talking. I don't really care about her. I care about the time and words of mine that she wasted.

17:46. i was listening to music and back to the old house reminds me of them so much. fuck. i miss frank.

17:59. i feel too feminine, doing my nails and liking girly things. my face is too feminine, my voice is too feminine. everything about me, the way i walk, talk, read out loud, interact with my friends. absolutely everything. i want to cry thinking about it because i dont want to. maybe this is an internalized issue of some sort. i really need to address this in therapy, probably.

18:17. I just noticed im going back to my "scenecore"/crunkcore phase. fuck. one of my worst, honestly.

18:30. just wanna mention how amazing i feel rn:3 feeling on top of the world is so good !!

18:58. winderson is making me rage. makes me want to punch him or throw it somewhere. but he's my baby, i cant do that.

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ruminate88 · 2 months ago

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Being Real:

09/02/24 9:15 pm

it’s so crazy 🥴😳 always, always, always, I can’t get my ex andrew out of my head. I feel his energy and feel very tied to him 😝😝😝 HOWEVER, I see my other ex, Cody’s face legit every where!!!!!! Every guy in every ad or TikTok has his face. Out in public even…. GAAAAAH! It’s his eyes and smile. I see it. I always get the same reaction inside of me too. Just… wow. I can’t make it up. I realize Cody ghosting me, left me without a goodbye and I’ve been creating my own goodbyes but also I’ve felt this “open door” that I cant ever close no matter how I try because it’s already closed but yet its open… 😆😆😆 Ahhhhhh!!!

IM GOING CRAZY! Cody, what are ya doing to me?????? it’s torture and so haunting. I’m legit left haunted by his ghost. I haven’t even dreamt of him in over a month!! But seeing his eyes everywhere. It’s like he’s watching me and I’m paranoid. I have a horrible time letting go. Accepting my current life. As crazy as I feel, I’ve almost gotten comfortable in the insanity and I am afraid of the next phase in life but I also know if I don’t heal, my hair won’t grow back and my digestive won’t get better 😭😭😭

I’m working sssooooo hard to behave on my diet and exercise and self care. Continuing no contact to prioritize my well-being and yet I think Cody and Andrew ARE both always there I feel Andrew’s energy 24/7 and feel he's forever a part of me and I’ve worked so hard not to be cold like him. I’ve tried to stay soft and caring. I do care if I hurt people but then there is moments I just want to be alone and push people away 😭😭😭 I MAKE myself call my mom so I don’t lose my warmth. (But sometimes I feel annoyed talking to ppl I know I love. Ugh!)

Lately instead of fighting against it all so hard and beating myself up, I told myself to find space for them separately in my mind and heart, then sort out my feelings for them.

Getting married so fast to someone else after blocking Andrew’s number, has been both good and bad!! Good becuase it got me away from Andrew and it has kept me from unblocking his number out of respect for my marriage BUT bad because I wasn’t even over Andrew, nor did I understand what happened to me or process my feelings for Andrew. Then I can’t stop ruminating but never even heard of “ruminate” just knew I couldn’t stop thinking of Andrew and feel like a terrible wife until I learned what emotional abusive was!! Then, I feel bad all around and yet I have so much clarity too.

I’ve beat myself and tried to help take the blame becuase I feel sorry for my exes but then I get tired trying to carry burdens that I’m not supposed to carry. Plus carrying all the shame!!! Trying to have more compassion for myself and say it’s not my fault. Yeah, I chose to be dirty with my exes but they chose to turn it abusive. I didn’t ask for that and I didn’t even know it was happening. I was completely in the dark so blind to the truth. I always felt they were toxic men but I didn’t even understand what that meant. Took me years to find answers and I still find myself in a trail of smoke my exes left behind.

Worst of all, I still feel love for them and sorry for them ❤️‍🩹🥴 I tell myself to stay in the truth, that I can’t ever trust them again and convince myself to stay no contact even when I feel this magnetic pull drawing me back to Andrew. Being married is keeping me moving on but a part of me constantly fights not to run back and idk why. Not sure what is so great about Andrew when clearly he hated my guts all along. No one that “loves me” will abuse me like he did. Yet, I’ve wanted to forgive him too and hug him. Legit it’s in my bones and I crave it like sugar. Ahhh I go totally insane but I tell myself to protect myself and stay away ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 Convincing myself I am healing and going to be ok 👍🏻

I’m trusting and believing that all this struggling is going to turn around in a positive way some day soon AND my love wasn’t wasted ❤️‍🩹 I loved both Cody and Andrew more than they’ll ever understand. It’s always the first thing on my mind waking up and going to bed. I can’t escape them…

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predoom · 3 months ago

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peteisacreep

Friday, November 26th, 2004

Subject: its a dangerous bussiness walking out your front door Time: 2:09 am. ive been thinking so much about mortality lately. i dont know why. skip this if you are looking for pictures of boys in mario suits. i have been having a hard time of dealing with things on a daily basis. just the most normal decisions seem like so much to me. like i imagine a car crash and then what if you had made the decision to not get in the car or walk. like its always there but not really. i need a scarf and a hood to keep these thoughts quiet inside my head. right now they are telling on splotched eyes. its embarrassing. ive been having dream night after night of dying alone. it is the worst thing i can think of right this second. god. i hope i get it together. i hope everybody does.

EDIT: the glue isnt even dry on the pity party invitations. but i mean "die alone" in the sense of that is what happens to anyone, at least anyone who isnt clutching the hand of the person that loves them at that moment.

there is gonna be an accompanying portion on the back of the new cd--- i dont know know how to explain it... but its definitely going to address alot of this.

123luv ++++: 97 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Wednesday, November 17th, 2004

Subject: after the party theres the hotel lobby Time: 4:16 pm. yeahyeahyeah. we're becoming so l.a. psyche! anyway. i dont have much to say except the weather is radical here. after our chicago metro show on dec 29- we're gonna have an after party and prescreen the release the bats dvd- maybe youll hear about it and stop by. youll laugh. youll cry.

laterskater ++++: 113 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004

Subject: booyah Time: 5:47 pm. ++++: 183 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Friday, October 15th, 2004

Subject: fuck your friends page, cause i said so Time: 12:08 am. ++++: 239 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Thursday, March 18th, 2004

Subject: all the failures die starryeyed Time: 7:18 pm. it`s funny by the time you realize who your real friends are you don`t have any. i`m sorry. please call me. ++++: 69 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Tuesday, February 10th, 2004

Subject: for the record Time: 3:55 am. 1. playing atari reminds me of you 2. i want our feet to look the same for some reason ++++: 22 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Wednesday, January 28th, 2004

Subject: so this is sorry. Time: 1:11 pm. we leave on tour today. i don't want to talk about that too much. i just wanted to say to all my friends both really old and ones that i have just met, that i am sorry that i have been such a shitty friend lately. my time is totally consumed and i have not been returning calls or emails or whatever. this is my apology. so thank you for being there, i know i don't deserve it often- when this is all over i hope we still know eachother.

peterabbit ++++: 20 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Friday, December 19th, 2003

Subject: back in bussiness. Time: 9:06 pm. good thing hell is open on christmas. ++++: 32 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Tuesday, November 25th, 2003

Subject: the pity party is officially over. Time: 11:29 pm. i am single if you wanna hang out, bros and stellas.

also, i am moving to another journal at some point so the drama in this stupid one can stop. ++++: 38 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Saturday, November 22nd, 2003

Subject: I.C. you are feeling Drake Time: 1:35 pm. you know how it goes. its been awhile. i hate the fucking drama everywhere. yet somehow i feel pretty attached to it. the west coast was rad. we're making our way back. i think i may be spending thanksgiving on a plane. more for me to complain about. my throats hurting pretty badly and i have van neck from sleeping in it last night. on a positive note i got "my life with morrissey" this documentary on hardcore morrissey fans (bring on the freaks). i'm hoping i might see myself hahaha. tommy two tone might jump on this tour for a minute, you know "jenny 8675309" haha how good?

it can't get much better/worse.

call me up on my cellular phone just to see how i'm doing. it would make my day. ++++: 25 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Friday, November 14th, 2003

Subject: i want my funeral to be a party. play all the hits and dance the night away. Time: 8:14 pm. morrisey.tupac.love,love will tear us apart, yes it will. unbroken. it doesn't go the way you think it does, nothing ever does. mountain drives. scars and middle fingers. club food, club stomachaches. phonecalls that feel first kiss good. northern california nights, southern california hearts. tonight is all about we miss you.

we miss you. ++++: 23 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Monday, November 10th, 2003

Subject: paris hilton sex tape Time: 6:51 pm. it's so weird to be homeless. to throw the dirtiest pillow into the corner of rooms just to get by. i never write in here anymore. i don't really feel the need to anymore for some reason. words feel stuck behind my tongue and my hand. i feel ashamed of how words make me feel and sometimes i want to stay asleep forever.

maybe i'll stop by here again soon.

peter ++++: 7 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Thursday, October 30th, 2003

Subject: pretty boys for secret girls. Time: 11:28 am. so i have been staying up late nights lately. i sometimes want to move where nobody knows my name.

you wanna hold hands and makeout? i think that would make me feel better. ++++: 9 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Friday, October 24th, 2003

Subject: i think hell might have frozen over. Time: 12:11 am. my band just signed to Island/Defjam ++++: 18 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Tuesday, October 14th, 2003

Subject: you only hurt the ones you love Time: 12:17 pm. read: i am having a good time with myself. the drama bites hard, and wood floors are harder. but this is the time of my life. thanks- see you soon. buy me halloween stuff and i will love you forever.

there is a world waiting for us to live in it. ++++: 2 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Sunday, October 5th, 2003

Subject: real good friends, i bet i bet Time: 7:01 pm. saw lots of things lately. shows. friends. i'd go into depth but i am too lazy. i am also tired of defending myself against rumours. so believe them if you want or don't, i understand i bring drama on myself. i understand i put my life under a microscope. i am trying to not let this get to me. sorry i am so bad at calling everybody back, sometimes its harder to not be homesick when you hear someones voice. love peter ++++: 10 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Wednesday, October 1st, 2003

Subject: still making awkward look cool. Time: 5:04 pm. hows this for overdramatic and anonymous: sometimes you need to be sung to sleep. but sometimes you know you can't ever go home to something again.

borrowed and blue, thinking of you. ++++: 3 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Friday, September 26th, 2003

Subject: so just to explain.. Time: 11:34 am. i tried to leave the house to see you. but i couldn't cause i don't fit in anywhere anymore, except out on the road. so i went back to sleep instead.

"i thought you hated girls, like you were on some MC5 shit or something."

"nah, it's not girls, i hate everyone." ++++: 3 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Subject: drag my corpse through the suburbs and show them what they're missing Time: 1:22 am. i have taken to wearing red makeup around my eyes to make myself look washed out and tired.

maybe it will help me get some sleep. ++++: 2 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

Thursday, September 25th, 2003

Subject: i know it is belated but we love you back Time: 11:35 am. happy birthday morgan. ++++: 1 think i'm a creep - what are you thinking?.

#peteisacreep #itiswhatitwas #content and formatting unchanged from original #pw #blogs #archive

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summeroffice · 3 months ago

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youtube

Mind UA with moderator Євген Шпитко

1:13 I really like illusions. For some reason it is believed that the state is always the state. Well, government, state. That it is always a highly competent environment where people understand everything, their careers have already achieved certain successes in life and they understand everything. That is, they are ready to work to build ideal systems of relations in one or another field.

Unfortunately, this does not completely correspond to reality. States are not ideal; the authorities always make certain mistakes. And sometimes, sometimes an official considers himself to be the main unit, let's say, which should monetise its administrative powers and not create conditions for the realisation of opportunities to do business.

6:46 The task of the state is always to raise taxes. Well, that's how it works. The task of business is always to explain why raising taxes will lead to a recession in one or another field.

7:42 Well, I [puts hand to chest] for example am a supporter of any kind of relationship that should be transparent. And that is why I believe that economic booking is about transparency. That is, it is necessary to fix the rules so that it is possible to clearly understand how many people can be booked and thus already plan the development of your business. Well, how will the enterprise function in general. And it will be correct.

9:28 You can see him playing with his hands when another speaker is speaking. He doesn't play with his hands like this (with his ring) when he's streaming.

30:09 He proposes the audience to ask questions. He says that he's willing to go to the person with his microphone if need be.

35:50 The concept is always only... In any conflict - it is a conflict, classic - in any conflict, in any concept, it rests on 2 things. First, there is no need to make statements that later turn out to be not entirely true. You have to make it possible to sit down at the negotiating table. Well, this is classic of any conflict situation. Because we always read first, everything is lost, then it turns out that there are nuances that really need to be discussed. It can be solved in part by a public demonstration of readiness for discussion.

39:45 What is human nature? You always want to bypass the queue without communicating within the framework of institution because it can take 3 days. You want to be able to call for the problem to be taken care of in an hour.

The queue can be bypassed and everybody sees that others are bypassing it. Of course, a person naturally wants to bypass it too, when he has a similar problem. That is, it is necessary for the state to start not to make preferences for someone, and then probably everyone else will not want to bypass either.

But it's a road.

41:14 Well, the state cannot be interested in the existence of only big business, because it will monopolise certain sectors. It's not beneficial for us as a state. Well, not for us personally, but for the state. For the state, it is beneficial to have a lot of competitive-- It has an advantage. It is a different type of competition, and there is no cartel conspiracy. And therefore, it is beneficial for the state to have more small- and medium-sized businesses. Then it is a different type of competition.

42:04 There are just a few questions, they repeat each other, and they all sound approximately the same. Yes, I understand that they are a bit political and it is very difficult to answer them concretely. When will the pressure on business stop, when will the tax-- When will law enforcement agencies stop milking business?

I will say this. [Facing the audience] Tomorrow the pressure on business will stop. Well, how the question, so the answer.

The host disagrees and explains that it's a real problem.

42:57 I agree, in a moment-- I agree from the point of view that there are conflicts, large conflicts, a large number of conflict situations between business and the state. At the beginning we talked about the fact that the state is a little infantile, it is being rebuilt today; so, business is a little infantile, too. How to fight this? Again, there are three ways: publicity, you have a conflict but you don't compromise anyone and just give public information about this conflict. The first.

The second is the institutionalisation of relations. It can be Ukrinvest. It can be any other platform. The third is communication at different levels, meaning legal communication through the judicial system, even despite the fact that today the judicial branch is considered to be completely fair. Well, that would be a bit strange. But it is also being transformed.

Why is it being transformed? The question is simple. Because if we want to get the right to be a corporate or collective member of the European Union after 5 years, then our law enforcement system cannot be non-competitive. The courts cannot be non-competitive in relation to other European Union states. Therefore, it will also transform, whether it wants to do it or not.

How to help it today? Just speak about it publicly. But to talk publicly does not mean to publish defamatory texts about each other. Well, in an abstract way, compromising, right? It means to say that look, we have a court decision, we think it's legal or illegal, why, and give a legal analysis, give an appeal. That's how the system should work.

#mykhailo podolyak #interview #event #Євген Шпитко #Youtube

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theanimeawarenessproject · 3 months ago

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Rating: Orange

*Bloom Into You / Eventually, I Will Become You / Yagate Kimi ni Naru / やがて君になる -* Theres a lot to unpack here. This anime is *uncomfortable,* in the sense that it confronts very harsh, very real feelings, but theres also a lot of inherent toxicity that comes from the things it explores. These relationships, and friendships, are *not* what one would call healthy, and its a lot to take in. There are no underskirt or overtly sexualized shots, though there is kissing and mentions of "excitement". **if you are invested in the story, please be made aware that the anime stops at what in the manga is book 5 out of 8. This anime is** ***incomplete.*** i wont spoil anything for you, but this is a relatively heavy one.

Genres : School Life, Slice of Life, Drama, LGBTQIA+/Girl's Love, Senpai-Kouhai Relationship, Shoujo-ai, Romance

Type : TV Series

Ran from : Fall release 2018, October to December, spanning a total of 13 episodes

Trigger Warnings : pov animation (motion sickness risk), accidental eavesdropping, visuals of being deep under water, **cornering,** themes of drifting friendships, fast moving relationships, onesided relationships, love triangle, **closeups of eyes, mouths, and rarely, feet, stolen first kiss,** struggling to say no (non-sexual contexts), mentions of "excitement", **death of a family member (past, not shown, brought up often),** posessiveness, extreme jealousy, fear of change leading to extremely toxic behaviour, kissing closeups, some uncomfortable angling.

Episode Specific Warnings:

-brief mention in e1 of a first year being into men 10 to 20 years older than her.

-Static effect at 18:06-18:09 and again at 18:15-18:19, sparkling lights at the ending in e2

- bath scene from 5:50 to 7:16 in e11 is very uncomfortable.

- smoking from 8:11 to 9:33 in e13, heavily features an aquarium with seaworld esque yikes in it, and very poor tank tables.

Extra Notes: i liked this but i am still mad its not complete. im reading the manga now grrrrrr

#anime awareness project #the anime awareness project #anime #anime review #bloom into you #girls love #yuri #epilepsy resource

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mintytoastypoetry · 7 months ago

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the low frosty air

sirens, echo throughout the streets

the crisp winter air

01/05/21

morning it is so

testing our minds growing old

magnificent frost

01/07/21

silence as it is

brightly as the sun and moon

our love is glowing

01/08/21

dinkydoo is that

hilarious and foolish

small but amazing

01/09/21

brethren and sun

community and united

forevermore so

01/10/21

long ago with pain

leaves and trees among them stay

my mind pleasantly

01/11/21

horizons anew

through and through to do and adapt

for the changing plans

01/12/21

warmer than normal

no sustenance today

thus was my fun day

01/13/21

productivity

projects and more to do so

comes always a cost

01/14/21

endings and more there

it is only another

beginning for all

01/15/21

woke up a bit late

introspective mind of young

today is and was

01/16/21

this will be a mark

upon our decades of life

fill the memories

01/17/21

so contemplating

is the mids of old and young

future and past gone

01/18/21

sad thoughts for no reason

characteristic unhelped

no avail unfixed

01/19/21

celebration none

is one for me and good luck

pray new creation

01/20/21

power and greed someone

we all see the results of it

newly oppressed old

01/21/21

news and sociality

stressful and tenuously

restoration needs

01/22/21

relax and chill more

this was the new motto today

saturday forever

01/23/21

these days for burning

are just the mode of younger

years and tears alike

01/24/21

with strength and vigor

we decide we know better

we ignore love ignore facts

01/25/21

(81 days later)

101

oh how I miss my dog

as sad as it is it must be

I have moved on now

April 11th 2021

102

days of spring oh yes

lovely twenty four of such

seventy till next

April 12th 2021

103

withdrawl from there

is the best thing we can do

honestly, come on

April 13th 2021

104

dangerous gov bill

I am sorry but not so

it is not helpful

April 14th 2021

105

nothing e’ver changes

we’re part of a silent

crowd nothing changes

April 15th 2021

106

quiet and quite still

are the tenets of each skill

dormant inside you

April 16th 2021

107

national haiku

poetry day how fitting

quite amazing wow

April 17th 2021

108

chris cuomo what

you just, no words to say

I just have no words

April 18th 2021

109

if you think violence

is okay only for you

you a hypocrite

April 19th 2021

110

anniversary

wow, such wow today indeed

i hate it sorry

April 20th 2021

111

seriously none

nothing ever tends to change

we the silent crowd

April 21st 2021

112

happy earth today

even though we continue

allow it perish

April 22nd 2021

113

thirty five days of

spring hallelujah, praise Him

please summer come fast

April 23rd 2021

114

like pond and sky there

we do reflect, you and I

farther clouds and stars

April 24th 2021

115

you promised you’d love

me that far, the lies, deceit

you’ve told burrows deep

April 25th 2021

116

my soul is left cold

all my memories we share

all my pain to bear

April 26th 2021

117

you and then my heart,

enjoy and find pleasure in

breaking it apart

April 27th 2021

118

mask mania ugh

i understand and now we

should all by now know

April 28th 2021

119

stabbing someone is

not something someone does as

an innocent gal

April 29th 2021

120

banning menthol cigs

much wow, so effective just

as prohibition

April 30th 2021

121

Someone in my car

sleeping called the police here

now its all good now

May 1st 2021

122

fifty days until

the real summer begins yay

much the yay and wow

May 2nd 2021

123

happy one two three

not going to lie kinda

funny, much laughs ha

May 3rd 2021

124

may the fourth be with

gina corano, she did

nothing wrong at all

May 4th 2021

125

if you want vaccine

take vaccine, only if you

know the valid effects

May 5th 2021

126

making humanity

a multi-planet species

quite a feat to take

May 6th 2021

127

spring oh spring go now

thank you so much for being mild

but now its time, warmth

May 7th 2021

128

what in heck china

get better grip on your thing

foolish mistake dudes

May 8th 2021

129

happy mothers day

and to all mothers as well

wish you the best luck

May 9th 2021

130

confederate lost

happy day of defeat yay

victory to union!

May 10th 2021

131

eat what you want day?

well, if this isnt the day

like, this a good day

May 11th 2021

132

no neil tyson, lol

that is not why people arent

getting it, nope nope

May 12th 2021

133

well its about time

ugh cdc, of course now

welp, bye bye gas lol

May 13th 2021

134

oh great still nothing

nothing changing nothing at

all, great yay whohoo

May 14th 2021

135

yes, finally the

stores are doing it thank god

now I cant wait now

May 15th 2021

136

May 16th 2021

137

cannot wait for it

summer just around that little

corner, oh yes oh

May 17th 2021

#poem #poetry #haiku

0 notes

theorist-influencer-untitled · 9 months ago

Text

1.27.24 Saturday

6:47 am

Going home in the Bus.... Whew! Somehow brain shaking coz the situational issues are becoming over-lapping coz at first I had doubt on Ley and Pres B if they will teach me the real answer on the new situation that I'm handling. It took all my soul energy... Yam and Prexel are rest day today...

The Tax Account is not easy angels... The confusion begins on Tax Pro and refund transfer and the payment of service and the extracting of money....The questions are upside down as well as the answers...

The client asked about why I can't pay the service I got from H&R Block using my federal refund, I can't pay the efile service. If the client has a Tax Pro Review he needs to pay that out of his pocket. The client can't use his refund or can't do refund transfer since he got a Tax Pro Review. The client asked to remove it but there is no guarantee that the client can do a refund transfer coz there are qualifications to follow.

But this is still a big question mark to me? If the client doesn't have Tax Pro Review meaning the client didn't do her/ his efiling and review. This question is weird!

Well, probably the refund must get first by the client then add again the Tax Pro Review.

8:09 am

Home now... Still, moving after 1 hour and 20 minutes... My last shift later night at 9pm... Whew!

9:27 am

Done,cleaning and cooking rice...The rest it is up to them.... I need to do beauty sleep....

This Uncle Jun wants to bring John outside, I told him no... I want a respect on me angels... I bought John his stuff and I took care and still taking care of John since he was 3 months and until now that he is 8 years old.

I don't want John to go out without me...Uncle Jun is still the same, not respecting me angels.

Uncle Jun sometimes is not matured, way back he brought John outside, John got sick or will have a sprain on his legs...

When it comes to George Eusebio and his son Uno, they were lifted up by Uncle Jun. On me very plastics... They wanted me to be their supporters. It is their circle,their own group linking with Betsilogz ( my biological mother ). I feel envious coz they are so famous and high since 2007 or for 17 years here in Cavite. They gave a green car on Uno the son of George and adoptive son of Uncle Jun.

Uncle Jun wanted me to pay our electric... WHAT AM I HERE?? But on Uno they gave him a green car. My salary is not that big angels...

3:14 pm

I still have windblow....

This is for Daddy... Whoah! Missing in action, lemme find my Daddy-Bf...

youtube

3:28 pm

This is for you Daddy-Bf, Why??? you are so missing in action??? LOVE YOU DOWN,DADDY...

youtube

3:39 pm

My fake biological mother is here now in our house... I just don't trust her...

I need to keep a job and wanna leave Cavite...

This Uncle Jun put the collar of John on the least hole, meaning it is too tight on him possibly will be choked... Hmmm... I told Uncle Jun not to fasten John's collar on its least hole coz it is too tight...

He said I will kill your dog angels please kill Uncle Jun if that is his main agenda...

8:09 pm

Here in Conduent... I still have windblow... Done,watching "60 minutes"...

I'm still thinking of money and need a job or career path... I have windblow for 17 years... I have so many frustrations in life... I tried combing but I couldn't see it...

Still, not contented but thankful...

I wonder where is Daddy-Bf???

youtube

#Youtube

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our-inspire-verse · 11 months ago

Text

Weird introject/pseudomemories vent below

Inthrum: Im kinda in like this. Paralysis. Sorta. Im just so, so sad and grief ridden. I am missing my last life, im missing who i was back then, and most of all I'm really missing the people i knew. The people. Dan, hes sorta here. And Cadance. A few others. But Alder. That "sorta" hurts a lot. It hurts way more than i ever EVER would have expected it to.

Is it my this life parental issues, the reminders of losing him last life, or the jarring emptiness that comes with a fragment headmate that is making me fall apart? Is this just the straw on my back? Am i just experiencing the normal weight of emotions one would experience facing this sort of thing? Or am i mentally ill? Delusional? Focused on the wrong things? Maladaptive daydreaming is in our history... particularly mine would make sense. Why couldnt sherl front earlier? Wouldnt he be better for up front?

Lol. I dont know. I feel like mentally i know the answer to all this. That its all okay. Like, that maybe Alder's going to eventually figure out his memories and feel okay and attached enough to be fully formed in this life. That we could have a real conversation outside of music, or signs, or memories. Or that weird amalgamation of energy levitating in mindspace that looks like him. Feels like half of him. Doesnt feel all the way alive. Maybe he isnt, maybe he hasn't been.

Why didn't he cure his lycanthropy? It's not his fault, i hold no resentment, and i understand in part. But it made his genetics hard to treat in the time we had. All the raging he'd done. All the work, and all the unknowing time. It passed. And so did he and i had to experience that regardless of anything before and afterwards. I had to live that.

And now, i was doing the math today. Alder said he was 33 when i came to him, and the first birthday i actually understood and celebrated with him was 35. He was 67 when he passed. Did i really only get like, 32 years with him? Only. We dont even onow what 32 feels like in this life yet. Flip the numbers. 23. Still 9 years to go. In 9 years ill be the age i was then, in that stupid hospital room with a view. Thata not exactly how he wanted to go, but better than a facility that gave us a .09% survival rate. I would have had him die up there in my distress, but he asked to be taken off high tech support so he could be on his own planet at the time it happened.

And i remember fighting about it. I didn't make it easy, and bless Alder he talked me down. A lot. And then he wasn't there to soothe me. He told me he was never sorry for dying, he didn't want to leave me wondering later in life if i should be guilty for making him feel like that.

He said thank you for being strong, so we can find each other in the afterlife. Strong energies gravitate to one another, and he said he felt stronger than ever with me. That man really loved me, he did. He showed it and he proved it and he did. Again and again, and he still does. I miss him. And I've never seen his face.

But right now, every day for the past just about week, I've been overwhelmed with memories of this person. This guy. Random guy. Could have been anyone. I remember my first revealed memory that he was a person the christmas lights in the truck! And then the next memory i got, when he met me. When he saved me. And then he saved me. And then he saved me again. Again. Again. Again.

He showed me how to be after i didnt get that chance. When i was cast out by the beings who birthed me. Not family. Never was. Just the group of strangers who used me and cast me out. Abandoned on the side of the road. He gave me the chance. Grabbed my hand firmly and gave it to me. Pushed it into my chest.

He walked me step by step by step into the light and he showed me how to feel the grass under my shoes and breathe the air. All of it literally and metaphorically. He was there. Theres pieces of him here, but such is the way of finding paradise, then watching it go away to move on for the next life, one of pain and nightmare. You have to carry these memories into places no one will bring you lessons. I have to remember him to survive. And i dont know how to do that.

0 notes

jessicabryants-blog · 1 year ago

Text

evaluation

what informed and motivated my design decisions- throughout this term I have drawn inspiration from many different things such as different magazine spreads such as times, vouge, Aesthetica, apollo, CURA and x-tra, these magazines are visually beautiful and show really good hierarchy.

what changes and developments has my project gone through- through my judge a book by its cover project I began with multiple different illustrations which then gave me a broad range of pointers to go from including brush sizes, textures which then led me onto my final book cover. Place of words also was challenging as this was my first editorial piece iv ever done, I struggled with type a lot and grids I felt it challenging to keep my layout looking like a magazine rather than a book and finally our brief there’s an app for that was the most challenging brief as it was working with others and within a short time frame, some of the challenges include people not participating equally and fairly, I feel in some areas certain people tried to overstress the rest of us but didn’t pull their weight with the work and expected people to then do it for them, or not communicate what work they had done.

did i manage my time well through the unit- through this unit I struggled with my time management a lot, this was due to personal reasons and I did struggle to balance out my personal life and my workload. However I did catch up, I feel if I had managed a lot better I defiantly would have a lot more work but I am happy with the amount I produced.

how did i respond to feedback- all the feedback in which I was given this term I then applied it to my work within my best ability, all the feedback which I was given this term I was happy with and felt it did genuinely bring my work up to that next level

are there any areas of my design process that needs more practice- this term really helped me as it was my first time ever properly doing editorial and with my process book as well and I still feel like a weakness of mine is typeface. 1

what have i learnt from this unit of study- from this unit I feel as though my editorial skills have improved but not only that my illustration work has improved to line up with the type, for my place of words magazine I felt that my illustrations went strongly with my article being on people appropriating mental illness on social media but more specifically tik Tok.

on reflection, are there any improvements that I would make to my final outcome- for my book cover If I was given more time I would have liked to change the type face on the main cover, I feel like it doesn’t sit right on the readers eyes. Place of words, withing this brief I would like to have modified pull quotes into my illustrations for example on the phone screens, I feel that this would take my magazine that extra step. Process book, for my process book I love the lay out I would have just liked to add more information. There’s an app for that, for this project I would have liked to have allowed all of us to have added a bit more of our uniqueness into it

www.tumblr.com/jessicabryants-blog

Reference list

Anon, (n.d.). 26 Percent of Social Media Users Have Created a Fake Profile Somewhere. [online] Available at: https://www.digitalinformationworld.com/2019/11/26-percent-of-social-media-users-have-created-a-fake-profile-somewhere.html.

Anon, (2021). Top 12 of the Very Best Contemporary Art Magazines – CAI. [online] Available at: https://www.contemporaryartissue.com/top-101-of-the-very-best-contemporary-art-magazines/ [Accessed 1 Jun. 2023].

Dahl, R. and Blake, Q. (2007). James and the Giant Peach. [online] Amazon. Puffin. Available at: https://www.amazon.co.uk/James-Giant-Peach-Roald-Dahl-ebook/dp/B002RI9INI [Accessed 1 Jun. 2023].

Gilpin, C.C. (2017). Are You the Same Person on Social Media as You Are in Real Life? (Published 2017). The New York Times. [online] 9 May. Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/09/learning/are-you-the-same-person-on-social-media-as-you-are-in-real-life.html.

Goodreads. (n.d.). James and the Giant Peach. [online] Available at: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6689.James_and_the_Giant_Peach [Accessed 1 Jun. 2023].

i-d.vice.com. (n.d.). People with OCD are finding community and support on TikTok. [online] Available at: https://i-d.vice.com/en/article/epd334/ocd-community-support-on-tiktok- [Accessed 1 Jun. 2023].

Jr, T.H. (2021). How Instagram influencers can fake their way to online fame. [online] CNBC. Available at: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/02/02/hbo-fake-famous-how-instagram-influencers-.html.

Li, P. (2020). Parent-Child Relationship: How To Strengthen It. [online] Parenting For Brain. Available at: https://www.parentingforbrain.com/close-parent-child-relationship/.

Morin, A. (2019). The 7 Best Mental Health Apps of 2019. [online] Verywell Mind. Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/best-mental-health-apps-4692902.

NHS England (n.d.). NHS England» Wellbeing apps. [online] www.england.nhs.uk. Available at: https://www.england.nhs.uk/supporting-our-nhs-people/support-now/wellbeing-apps/.

Nikolić, M. (2023). Mind-Mindedness Parenting Explained | Child & Family Blog. [online] Child and Family Blog. Available at: https://childandfamilyblog.com/mind-mindedness-parenting/.

Parenting NI (2018). Parent-Child Relationship - Why it’s Important - Parenting NI. [online] Parenting NI. Available at: https://www.parentingni.org/blog/parent-child-relationship-why-its-important/.

Penguin.co.uk. (2019). Penguin Books UK | Official Website. [online] Available at: https://www.penguin.co.uk/.

Suciu, P. (n.d.). Social Media Is Full Of Fakes – As In Fake Followers New Study Finds. [online] Forbes. Available at: https://www.forbes.com/sites/petersuciu/2021/11/17/social-media-is-full-of-fakes--as-in-fake-followers-new-study-finds/.

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pndnj · 3 years ago

Text

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend.

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41- 1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec, get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone, it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor, cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all, I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker, i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun, seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some, get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice, i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon, this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

#zayn #yellowmetal #cathartic #feel free to correct me pls #cathartic lyrics

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duhragonball · 3 years ago

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Totally Not Mark

youtube

I think the TNM situation is pretty widely known by now. I only recently learned just how popular the guy is, but I’m not big into the YouTube scene. However, I do keep an eye on Twitter, and something Mark said in this video kicked off a controversy there.

First off, while the above video recaps the situation pretty well, I’ll go over it here: TNM produces video commentaries and reviews on various anime properties, including Dragon Ball. Late last year, Toei tried to have 150 of his videos taken down from YouTube, citing copyright infringement. Mark argued passionately that the footage in his videos was covered by fair use laws, but Toei simply didn’t care, and YouTube was unresponsive to his plight. Demoralized by the situation, Mark took some time off to figure out what to do next, and then YouTube finally stepped in and did the right thing.

As it turns out, Toei actually broke the rules by trying to take these videos down without proper justification, and when pressed to provide a rationale for their takedown request, they just... didn’t? I won’t get into the legal details here, but my understanding is that while Japanese copyright law is much stricter than in other countries, it can’t be applied outside of Japan. So YouTube finally settled the issue by fixing it so Mark’s videos will be available everywhere except Japan, which suits Mark fine, since he doesn’t have an audience there anyway. The only real question is why YouTube didn’t implement something like this for everybody years ago.

It’s a real victory for the little guy, and I’m genuinely surprised and pleased to hear that he won, because I was all set to write a much more depressing take on his situation, basically amounting to “What did you expect?” It seems like YouTube makes life difficult for its content creators at every turn, and Toei doesn’t respect its foreign fanbase at all, so I didn’t think Mark would ever get this far.

But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I’m looking to address what Mark said that got Twitter all riled up. At 9:09, he says: “And look, this is just my opinion, but I genuinely believe that had it not been for Team Four Star and their Dragon Ball Z Abridged Series, Dragon Ball wouldn’t have remained nearly as popular in the Western World during the time where not much new content surrounding the property was being released.”

I transcribed this excerpt, mainly because one of the rallying cries on Twitter is that no one in the DBZ fandom can read or listen, so this is my attempt to have a good faith discussion here. I had to rewatch that twelve seconds of the video several times to make sure I transcribed it right, so I am very clear on what the man said, okay?

Also, to provide some context, Mark’s point was that Toei would be better off embracing fan works instead of trying to bully them by abusing YouTube’s copyright takedown system. I agree with that point entirely, however, I think his chosen example gives Team Four Star more credit than they’re due. More under the cut.

From what I could see on Twitter, Mark’s statement was clipped and tweeted by a guy who simply captioned it as “Shit opinion”, which sort of polarized anybody who might have agreed or disagreed with it. I don’t agree with what Mark said, but it’s hardly a “shit” opinion. In any event, the whole thing boiled down to two camps:

1) People who like Team Four Star, who were introduced to Dragon Ball through their Abridged series, and are pretty sore at Toei for all their bullying tactics.

2) People who find TFS overrated, who already liked Dragon Ball just fine, and think Mark was just shilling for his pals.

I kind of want to straddle the fence here, because I’m old enough to remember at time when DBZ was red hot in the early 2000′s, and then there wasn’t a whole lot of new stuff to enjoy, and then I discovered DBZA in 2010, and it was heartwarming to see such a popular fan project bringing so many fans together.

But, as much as I enjoy DBZA, I don’t think TFS “saved” the Dragon Ball franchise, or anything like that. To be sure, Mark never said that TFS “saved’ the franchise, but that’s kind of what everyone on Twitter was arguing about. Was there a “drought” in official DB content? When was that drought? How long did it last? Was it even a problem? And if it was a problem, did DBZA fix it? The people in Camp 2 say no, that’s absurd.

The people in Camp 1 seemed to harp on the exact words Mark used. “[Without DBZA] Dragon Ball wouldn’t have remained nearly as popular in the Western World during the time...” There’s a lot of qualifiers there to unpack, though.

First of all, “nearly as popular”, what is that? How much popularity would DB have lost in the early 2010′s, and how much of that popularity did TFS recover for them? I don’t think there’s any way to measure that. This is why the debaters were so passionate, because all they could really do was point to the viewer counts on the DBZA videos, and talk about their own personal experiences with DBZA. Except personal experiences are singular, and viewer counts can’t tell us how many of those people were already die-hard fans before TFS was founded.

The talking point I saw from Camp 1 was this: “Look, he’s not saying Abridged saved Dragon Ball, he just said that it lost a little of its popularity, and Abridged helped them get most of that loss back.“ Which is perhaps a fair statement, but it’s also so mild that it defeats Mark’s original point: that Toei could be more successful by working with fan creators instead of against them. If DBZA’s contribution was negligible, then it’s all academic.

What about “The Western World”? Another important qualifier, as Dragon Ball never stopped being a big deal in Japan, Latin America, and other parts of the world. Dragon Ball Z Abridged was made in the U.S.A., and the whole thing is in English, so it probably doesn’t have much penetration outside of the Anglosphere. Except I’m pretty sure the “Western World” is bigger than just the parts of it that speak English.

Again, I feel like Mark was trying to talk up the success of DBZA, but he didn’t want to exaggerate his case, so he had to put a few disclaimers on the statement, even as he was making it. Like, okay there’s a passionate fanbase in Latin America that has nothing to do with Team Four Star, but you still have to give them credit for keeping the flame alive in these other countries. Fine, but that’s still kind of a mild statement, once you stop to interpret it that way. Oh, and it’s not that they kept the flame alive, it just wouldn’t have been nearly as hot otherwise. Okay.

Finally, let’s talk about “during the time where not much new content surrounding the property was being released” For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to refer to this as “the drought”. Of the three, I feel most qualified to speak on this, because I lived “the drought”. I wasn’t a kid, either. I was in my 20′s and early 30′s. I know the period fairly well.

Okay, so one of the side-arguments on Twitter concerned exactly when the drought was. Dragon Ball GT ended in 1997, and Battle of Gods premiered in 2013. The only DB material I know of that came out in between was the Yo! Son Goku special in 2008, Dragon Ball: Evolution in 2009, and Episode of Bardock in 2011. There was some sot of One-Piece crossover too, but I don’t know much about that.

However, those dates only concern Japan. In the “Western World”, Dragon Ball was airing on Cartoon Network in the 2000′s. I’m pretty sure the dub of GT finished up on Cartoon Network in 2005. After that, fans pretty much just had the video games. I believe that was around the time the Budokai Tenkaichi series was in full swing, followed by Raging Blast 1 and 2. And Dragon Ball: Evolution was in theaters if anyone cared to watch it. I remember watching the Yo! Son Goku special from Shonen Jump’s website in 2008.

Strictly speaking, you can say The Drought in the “Western” fandom spanned 2005 to the U.S. release of Battle of Gods in 2014. But I’m not too sure about that, because you’ve got Dragon Ball Kai showing up from 2009 to 2011 in Japan. In the U.S., Kai was localized as Dragon Ball Z Kai and aired on Nickelodeon from 2010 to 2013.

So the timeline of The Drought looks something like this:

2005: GT dub finale

2006: DBZ Movies 12 and 13 released in the U.S.

2007: Not much

2008: The Yo! Son Goku special. Dragon Ball Z Abridged begins.

2009: Dragon Ball: Evolution

2010-2013: Dragon Ball Z Kai premiers on Nickelodeon

2014: Battle of Gods premiers in U.S. theaters.

2015-2018: Dragon Ball Super anime available on Crunchyroll.

So you definitely have a strong case for a drought in 2005-2009. I say this because GT sucked and by 2005 I could no longer deny it. Movies 12 and 13 are my favorites, but I’d already downloaded the Japanese dubs by then because I couldn’t wait for them to come out. And the special in ‘08 and DBE weren’t much to speak of. DBZA episodes were available in ‘08 and ‘09, but I wasn’t aware of it. And Kai never meant much to me, because they adapted stories I had already seen in Z. But I know a lot of younger fans point to Kai on Nickelodeon as what got them into the fandom, so I have to respect that.

For my part, ‘05 to ‘13 never felt like too much of a dry spell. This is partly because I never seriously expected Dragon Ball to come back. Some things just end, and I find it odd how modern fans seem to think that the franchise must continue no matter what. Hey, that’d be great if it did, but there’s no guarantees here. In any case, I spent those years collecting my DVDs and manga so I could rewatch everything, and I played the hell out of all those video games. And in 2012, I started this blog.

I think part of the argument is that The Drought lasted from ‘05 to ‘13 because the games and Kai simply don’t count. Okay, to each his own, but if certain media doesn’t count as content, then why should we count unofficial works like DBZA as things that helped the franchise? It just feels like a circular argument, completely subjective. At least when Toei released Kai and the video games, they made money off of those things.

And that’s really the issue I have with Mark’s statement. It’s entirely up to Toriyama and Toei to decide how much content they want to produce, and when to release it. If they didn’t feel like doing much in ‘07, that’s their call. I’m sure they made less money off Dragon Ball that year, but that’s their business. If they want to let the franchise end and the fandom slowly wanes to nothing, that’s fine too. Mark makes it sound like someone needed to make something about Dragon Ball in 2008, and TFS stepped up to fulfill that obligation. But no, the obligation never existed.

I’ve seen Totally Not Mark kind of stray into this logic before, that rights holders should be grateful to fan creators for keeping their properties on the map. I don’t think he’s ever quite said it in so many words, but he circles around it once in a while. To be clear, I believe he’s well within his rights to make videos about copyrighted works, but sometimes I think he overestimates the importance of that contribution. His audience loves his stuff, and that’s a wonderful thing, but Toei’s under no obligation to like what he does. They don’t have to consider it free publicity if they don’t see it that way.

That’s not to say Team Four Star doesn’t deserve some credit. I think they made a big impact on the fandom with their work, and they’ve got a lot of talented people in their outfit. I’ve been supporting them on Patreon for years. They got me through some tough times, and I’m grateful for that. I think a lot of people in Camp 2 were only arguing that Mark was wrong because they just hate TFS for the “Bad Dad” memes it spawned, but that’s just as reductive as suggesting their YouTube show saved a best-selling cartoon franchise.

Anyway, that’s my spiel, and it was just too long to fit into a Twitter thread, so I’m putting it here. Good night, everybody.

#dragon ball #team four star #dbz abridged #totally not mark #ask me about the star wars drought of '83 to '91

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boneshine · 4 years ago

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Jack Stauber’s “Opal” Theory

Last night, I stumbled across Adult Swim premiering Jack Stauber’s “Opal” and got to enjoy it in its entirety. I’m a huge fan of his work, and seeing his latest and biggest animation to date was quite the treat in this season of tricks!

I really enjoyed the lore and thought I would (try to) explain my personal theories regarding the story.

If you haven’t watched “Opal”, I highly suggest you do so. It’s available for free on Adult Swim’s Youtube channel. Go ahead. It’s quite the ride.

SPOILERS BELOW CUT!

The first time you watch “Opal” and the second time you watch it, the story completely changes. The atmosphere changes. The characters change.

What you thought was a surreal tale about a young girl exploring a forbidden house and being consequently terrified by the residents inside transforms into a story where a young girl suffers in a neglectful and abusive household and tries to escape into her fantasies to cope.

You’re led to believe in the beginning that the girl’s name is Opal and that the residents mistake her for someone named “Claire”.

At the end of the story, you realize that “Opal” is actually Claire.

“Opal” is Claire’s fantasy. She pretends to be this happy and bright girl on a billboard in the distance (Opal’s Burgers), surrounded by a family who love and “see” her.

The story begins with “Opal” sitting in her kitchen with a burger while her “family” (the family depicted on the billboard) sings to her.

We see you, Opal

Your troubles are miles away

We see you, Opal

And in our eyes you’ll stay

These lyrics are important because no one in Claire’s house sees her.

From the dialogue/lyrics, each character that Claire interacts with in the house showcases how they never truly see her.

The grandfather watching television is blind. (“And the girls are singin’. They dance too, I assume.”)

The father spends all of his time in the Reflection Chamber staring at himself. (“Why do people look at me like the way you probably are right now?”)

The mother is always intoxicated and lying in bed and sees through a drunken haze. (“Who’s that?”)

None of these characters actually see Claire, which is why she delves into a fantasy persona where she’s given positive attention and love and affection.

The fantasy portion in the beginning, I believe, shows that Claire spends most of her time at or on the billboard until she has to go back to the house to sleep.

In Claire’s fantasy, “Opal” sneaks into the mysterious house next door (which her Billboard Parents warn her to “don’t mind the house across the street”), but she hears cries coming from the attic and goes to investigate.

The realization at the end is that the cries are coming from Claire herself, and her inability to escape her abusive household as she’s locked herself in the attic.

Let’s take a look at the rest of the household in detail...

There are three other residents in Claire’s home, which are represented by the billboard: The Mother, the Father, and the Grandfather.

The Grandfather

Claire’s real grandfather is a blind, obese chain-smoking man addicted to television. He struggles to breathe, coughs up blood, and scolds Claire for hiding his cigarettes, claiming that “it’s evil to help someone that doesn’t need help”.

Claire appears frightened and nervous around him.

When he demands that Claire give him his cigarettes, he soon grows concerned that she “smells weird” (because she had been outside) and won’t say anything.

Due to his blindness (and possible dementia), he mistakes her for a stranger, panics, and lashes out, yelling at her to “get out of his house”. In his panic, he falls out of his chair and screams as Claire runs away.

The Father

As Claire continues on toward the attic, the Father stops her. He sits in his Reflection Chamber in the bathroom, surrounded by mirrors. He is unable to see anything but his own face.

(It’s implied that he is delusional, as you can supposedly see the Father’s True Face at 11:09, which is distorted, grey, and horrifying)

Claire appears perplexed by him. It’s obvious that she isn’t used to him speaking to her. However, it becomes apparent that he doesn’t truly speak to her, but rather projects his own insecurities and feelings onto her.

He appears to be extremely narcissistic and unaware of the world around him. Religious themes collide with his self-reflection, as he rambles and talks about how “God is in his skin” and he considers himself in the process of becoming the world’s next “savior”. He spends all of his time fixing his appearance because “they turn me down so I live my nightmare”, and his need to be “seen by somebody somewhere”.

When she tries to leave, he raises his voice at her, only to calmly remark that “you could spare me a little time, you know; you act like I’m a complete stranger.”

Which, to her, he most likely is.

The Mother

Claire’s mother resides in a dilapidated room, surrounded by wine bottles, pills, and romance novels.

She lies in bed (or on the floor) underneath the sheets and grabs Claire’s leg.

She speaks with a slur, heavily intoxicated.

At first, she doesn’t recognize her daughter, but comments that “you’re being a person today, huh?”, implying that Claire often spends her time away from the family-- and for good reason.

She speaks morosely and in confusing tangents that reveal her inner turmoil about the family and her circumstances.

“Goodness exists. If I wait, Claire, and sit still... it will arrive.”

“You should be more considerate, obviously, but I forgive you. I forgive every single one of you... every night. It’s a virtuous cycle.”

“How did this get so bad? I feel terrible for all the things I... I feel terrible.”

“You and I don’t live, Claire. We survive.”

“Our adversaries are in denial. They don’t know the wrong they do. And they never repent how I want them to.”

(To Claire) “And you, you’re just like me. You’re just as powerless as I am, Claire.”

She lies back into the bed and drunkenly sings a lullaby.

The Mother’s Song

Mama needs a little girl to land on

Mama needs a little girl to fall in her arms

Mama needs a Mama’s girl to take good care

Mama needs a baby girl to hold her hair

After this, the camera zooms into the Mother’s rolling eye and a flashback is rapidly shown, including a hand dialing 9-1-1 on a phone, a child(?) being struck and falling to the ground, and what appears to be the Mother (or, perhaps, the Mother’s Mother) screaming in terror (or anger).

This is either a flashback to the Mother violently attacking someone, or a flashback of the Mother’s childhood where she herself was abused.

(It should be noted that the side of the Mother’s head appears to have a dent, implying she may have been the child.)

Claire appears absolutely terrified in her presence, most likely having suffered before from her physical abuse and escapes as soon as the Mother lunges at her, fleeing up to the attic and locking the door.

The truth about “Opal” is shown, and Claire quickly surrenders to her fantasy in her mind as her family beats on the door, where the camera zooms out and the story ends...

In conclusion, the world of “Opal” is a sad tale. Its themes center on fear, neglect, isolation, and abuse in its many horrific forms-- physical, emotional, and psychological. It focuses on Claire’s escapism in her mind, to imagine a happier life, far, far away from those who hurt her.

A forbidden house across the street, filled with dark and foreboding figures, and a little girl that just wants to be seen and loved.

#Jack Stauber #Opal #Jack Stauber's Opal #animation #art #artist #Stauber #claymation #stop motion #live action #Adult Swim #Halloween #horror #psychological horror #i might have to edit this later i'm sorry i'm very dizzy and have to go to work in an hour

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