#Im realy dumb sometimes

[theblackcubeofdarkness]

A Sincere apology to @a-spoonful-o-generosity aprently I have accidently rebloged the wrong post and posted a meme on someething sereious I did not intend that sorry for the trouble.

Sincerly the black cube of darkness.

[mikka-minns]

So, a funny story

A while ago, i used character ai to chat with some characters. I started chating with a hanzo hasashi ai and i ran out of things to ask him. So my dumb little brain Thought "its a great time to start drama" and i asked "do you think kuai liang is pretty" i Thought to myself "beautiful or georgeus is a better word lmao" but it would be a weird question with those words. My plan was that he would say something like "no" or "not realy" (or just disagree with me) and i could start arguing (it was the dumbest plan possible i know, im just a drama Queen and i hate game hanzo sometimes and wanted to jump him verbaly, dont ask why).

THIS MOTHERFUCKER SAYS THIS:

When i say i was suprised, im not lying. But it was Just so funny, like, he said the exact opposite of what i Thought he would say and exactly what i was thinking! I Thought ai was reading my mind for a sec and genuenly got scared! 🤣 He Just kept going! 🤣

What do y'all think?

[flyonthewallmedstudent]

In what finding your passion looks like in medicine. maybe.

I work in IM.

Where most of the time it's a desk job. 80% of my patients can't realy communicate. My notes are often, "pleasantly confused" or agitated.

Plans are "collateral history" which means, call their fam on a phone. At my desk. then taking notes on a computer. ordering labs. ordering imaging. making a referral also consists of logging it in a computer, then making a phone call.

I enjoy my job, but it never makes for great television. There is literally a reality show being filmed in my hospital. And they're never interested in filming anything my dept does. I mean, I wouldn't watch what I do on television. My medical students I'm sure are confused by this job. The new ones anyway. Most of the job is sitting at a computer and looking at numbers. Unless they're really sick, in which case that becomes a code or a terrible conversation with families.

When I try do regular people stuff, like taking calls from I don't know, someone trying to sell me something or offer a service, while I'm at a code, in resus or giving a family bad news. I literally don't know what to say sometimes. The other side will ask, is this a bad time almost out of courtesy - and literally it is a terrible time. So, no I cannot actually carry on a 30 second conversation about an upgrade to my mobile plan while my patient is dying and the fam are here. I know they're doing a job. Not like they realize how extreme my job can be. It becomes a very surreal moment in my life. Or worse, I can't really tell my kids at the age they are, why I'm late to pick them up because literally someone's dying.

In the reverse situation. My junior coworkers freak out about waking up family in the middle of the night sometimes for their patients. I have to tell them, this is a 'new' normal, when your loved one is in hospital you'll want that middle of the night update no matter what, just call and wake them. We work in an abnormal situation all the time.

So when it's bad it's bad. When it's mundane, it's really mundane.

Anyway. Watching youtube/netflix on what the average person makes on the job etc. and what they do. I.e. on Mr Beast, an archeologist makes 100k a year to look at bones outside (sounds amazing by the way).

I think about what I make.

Actually most days I don't even think about it. I go to work. it's busy. Shit happens. It's an adrenaline rush. I go home to my kids, it's busy. After it all winds down I'm vegging in front of youtube again.

what's in a job anyway. if it's about the money, clearly i picked the wrong direction multiple times. I don't know how to describe the intensity of it sometimes.

The time I've left to myself is really used to relax after the highs and lows of work and life with kids.

Or worse. Time left is used to try to forget some of the intense moments that happen. Whether a bad outcome or a conflict with someone at work. Or not getting to the meaningful diagnosis or management issue in time, IM is a constant puzzle and some cases are challenging (these moments make you feel dumb and perpetuates imposter syndrome). It's a lot to take it. In some ways, "you get used to it." Which is the most over used phrase ever. How to to normalize things over time. Other times it's working on getting past it

It's pretty consuming job. When you enjoy something and it gives you meaning. Most of the time anyway. Slowing down to find balance is the hard part. We're not built to be machines that just go to work. You can make a lot of money in medicine if you tried, but you won't have energy or time to spend it. People go big when it comes to vacations now or honeymoons if they can take it. Because sometimes all you can do is take the day off to attend your own wedding. For parents who are not the primary caregiver, often all you get is 1-2 weeks off. Is it really worth any money? lol what's the value. I know a cardiologist who works too much cause they have 4 kids and childcare is expensive. But they love that job.

Is it a job? or a strange addiction.

[dumbneedyftmgirly]

hi evrybody! so my owner said that i should posr when i play but like not just be like boring like its playtime now cuz thats not like very anyrhing! so im gomna do that! so that means you can expecy like at least 2 playtimw posts a day from me! and like if there dumb or not intrsstinf anough lemme know! but my owner is so smart and he tols me to put more things in my playtime posts! oh and also ive been playing while i type this cuz mornibg playtime during the week is sometimes realy short

[eve-lie]

My tumblr is not for it

For beggin honest i dont post nothing about me here but i need to put this bad feelings about my life in some place for just feel a little less crazy and alone.

I work in a shit work and i relly just want to drop this stupid place because this doing nothing good to me, in the place i live is 1am and i dont want to sleep because thats mean wen i wake up i need to go to work and i cry because of it i hate it im a feel childish and dumb.

I realy want just to stop this have a time and breave... just breave and do something i enjoy because im lost my self in this job. is this sorry for de inglish and for the bad vibes but you know sometimes we need to talk a little about de shits for feel a little better.

[daomaikeng]

Feeling a bit philosophical so I have a question: what is life?

life is fears, and life is hopes, and life is dreams and life is fearing that those dreams will never get fulfilled. life is being selfish and rude and arrogant and hurting people. but life is also making a baby laugh, or helping an old lady with her groceries, or sobbing to the finale of your favourite show. life is speeding through the city at midnight and life is being amazed on your first plane ride and life is buying scented candles because you know your mother likes them. life is eating ice cream on the couch with your family after a bad day and life is falling asleep on the floor and your dog quietly cuddling you and life is butterflies in your stomach and life is the pride flag on your wall and being proud of yourself because fuck, you never thought you would ever live that dream. life is being angry with the world because jesus fucking christ this world is just a broken hazardous mess of shattered dreams and hopes and hatred and anger and selfishness and frustration and hurt, and really, what else are all those feelings if not sadness that had nowhere to go for a very long time? haven't we all been hurt? but then life is also golden hour and liking a picture of yourself for the very first time and hugging your friends and talking to your tumblr mutuals at 3 am and crying over fanfiction of two closeted boybanders and screaming and harming yourself, but also wanting to protect everyone you know from this cruel world and life is feeling like everything's right with the world and life is lazy mornings in your bedsheets and life is eventually realizing that no matter how much you want it to be, this world is not perfect and neither is anyone in it but you know what? they don't have to be, they're enough as they are and you're enough as you are and you'll grow up and your grandfathers and grandmothers won't always be there, nor will your dog, you only have a few years left with them and it's the last day of school and fuck, you love these people, they have made you who you are today, and you'll never admit it but you're going to really fucking miss them and hoping that you never forget every little detail about every classmate and teacher and the desk you scribbled on or the classroom you spent the best days of your life in, and isn't that just sad? you didn't realize it at the time but you're never gonna get those days back and you wish you knew back then to value them more, to bask in it a little more, but life is growing up and accepting that the only thing you can really do is accept it and move on, it's gonna be hard as shit, and you're gonna lose loved ones, and you're gonna grow up and get your heart broken but you'll fucking love it because you're gonna mature and move to new places and find new jobs and live your life to the fullest and have experiences and do scuba-diving and eventually you're gonna live the life you dreamed of with calm mornings and a sense of peace in your heart, because regardless of whether that day is in 2 years or 20, you fucking made it, and idk man.

life is beautiful. life is worth living.

[tuff-and-fluff-archives]

I WANNA GUSH 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[toadboat]

IF I MAKE IT THROUGH TONIGHT EVERYBODY’S GONNA HEAR ME OUT

[arcadequeerz]

[punk-with-glasses]

Yes im writing autistic zane cuse im starved for good rep ok (i apologise profusely for my spelling i am a person whos first language isint English) also disclaimer im autistic im amking this for my own enjoyment- sligth glacier shipping

* he didint understand that he was autistic untill Jay found a autisim switch behind some cables.

* they do not understand social ques what so ever and completely relies on the other ninja to explain when someones being sarcastic.

* didint understand how the others culd wear their gis without wanting to explode.

* only has like three safe foods

*one of them is a very specific tea he had a major melt down over when they canceled(wo managed to find someone who still sold it and it just so happen that theres always a box or two in the kitchen), will only eat chrunshy food or soup.

* hates when ever whe team changes their style of gis cuse they have to adjust to new dumb textures and look.

* special intrests history, and birds.

*their favorite bird is ofcourse a falcon but after that ducks.

*hyperfixasions true out the years how tea is made, street food, the first spinjitsu master, the history of english letters (specifically w), carots, mythology and wedding cakes (for no other reson then cole showed him difrent ones and he was then stuck)

* stimming inclueds alot of rocking and jumping, flappy hands, rubbig his face and arms, claping, snapping, making pop noises, sometimes screaming, so much chewing and hitting his head.

*dosent understand gender or sex at all just very agender and very ace.(he/they/ze)

*sensory issues mostly surounsing tutch and hearing, loud and high pitched noices are literal hell, as far as chlothes go they only realy wear big chuky wool sweaters over long sleeved t-shirts. God how ze hated the gis until everyone figured out he was autistic and made it out of a beter material.

*hates skin contact with anything and is almost always coverd from head to toe.

*bodies of water with no sand are a sensory heaven.

* practivaly nonverbal and only realy talks with the other ninjas, uses asl and acc devises in private but will talk in publc ever when it couses melt and shut downs after cuse he dosent want the press being judgie.

* loves hugs and cuddles and holding hands with people. Cole is the best sinces hes always warm plus hes tall so he can wrap his arms around zane and ever cary him around on realy bad sensory days when he just wants to to nothing cuse everythibg is to much and the uneven floring of the bouty is like walking on a vulcano.

*has like 5 dirent waited blankets that he got from his friends and difrent points.

*hides under desks and when he was youger beds when zes over whelmed. Or makes a weithed blaket cocon and just lays there.

*hates mouth kises but anywhere else is fine. Cole is defently fine with that and was upset the other hadent told him earlier when he found out.

*is almost always wearing somekind of headphones.

*will gladly lisen as someone else rants on and on about literally anything.

* loves puns.

*hates the titanium body because it was even better hearing and sensors, so bad sensory days are much more common.

*super jumpy.

✨ traumatised ✨(seriously hes died like 3 times and he had no idea who his dad was for like 10 years then his dad died, not talking mentioning the never realm and chen. AND seing most of his friends die at least ones, FOUND OUT HE WAS A FRICKING ROBOT)

*reads alot.

*the others probobly shuld have figured out he was autistic earlier but neither of then realy knew what it was, but after they found out they where super suportive, they all make sure to never be to loud or to tutchy, they always help ze deal with the press or dumb people in public.

* jay knows how horible repairs are after chen and vex mixed with them and always makes sure he has a new bird documentary to distract Zane with.

*Kai makes sure to yell les and stops moving Zanes stuff around after the other has a melt down when he cant find his things where he put them.

*Lloyd stops lisening to music loudly all the time and makes sure to learn asl (probably faster then anything hes ever learnt)

*Nya makes all the tech on the bounty more sensory friendly and all finds ways to make all the mashines they have better to.

*Cole always makes sure there is findget toys or chewlery somewhere when they're on misions, he is also the one who will boy Zanes favorite snacks after a bad day and watch old disney movies with him. Cole is the best at dealing with melt downs and shut downs since he dosent panic as mutch as the others.

*wo will maditate with Zane sometimes and they talk about drama on the bounty together, wo is definitely Zane official unofficial granpa.

* so much disasosiation good god this boy isint ok

~~~~~~~~~~

Thats alot but ill do more if anyone wants me to do anything more, and ill definitely draw somethings from this list so yeah meaybe ill post that.

[22den]

I have so much fucking shit to do for school but my 2-millisecond-attention-span-brain doesn’t really want to collaborate

[thisdreamplace]

hi, my brother's being a huge dreadful person. clearly judging me for somthn he doesn't know the whole story of, consequently treating me like im the most repulsive person,, his words,, nd has serious judging problems with everyone,, that im SICK of. Worse is hes one of ThOsE pppl who think they're always right and super suuuuper self-entitld. it's exhausting. one of my parents is out of picture which is for the best he wasn't emotionaly there for any of us anyway. and the other never ever takes my side or even calls my brother out on his horriblenes and pettiness. have u ever met someone like that? u know those pppl who'll youll endure wayyy too much shit from, coz u dont wanna stoop to their lvl but they'll provoke u nd then use that one occasion to gaslight and paint u out to be the monster HAHAHA what a JOKE!

its already taken me months to admit this. I thought i was overthinking but yesterday i got real evidence that i had to admit spoke volumes abt how they (wonder duo lmao) view me

I tried to change myself i pretended things weren't as bad or that it wasn't real nd I took some steps despite my pride to be amiable with them... its unbearable. i feel so bad. I don't have any friends i can discuss this personal thing with. i wish i realy didn't exist. Thats how theyre already treating me right? im tryjny to see things frkm their view nd the only conclusion is if i acted like this with someone, itd be because i either want to put them down as i hate them because of my own insecurities that maybe im not aware of, or because im not emotionaly mature nd think what I'm doing is 'not thaaat bad they deserve worse so im being easy on them anyway'

ive always had diff points of views from them. Hugely diff. So yes maybe most of my opinions dont align with their beliefs. idk what to do? im doing my best not to give jn, to accept my emotions nd to sooth myself its tough but i owe it to myself but idk my heart breaks when i confront them or mention lightly abt their ugly treatment they act like "yeah? So? Whats ur problem, you deserve it!" and what if theyre right? the thing is idk if its related? but a few momths back i started getting flashbacks of my past in school when i got similar sometimes subtle-but-noticable 'treatment' from a few. it was a short period of time nd like i said it wasn't until it was over thay i realised it was kinda them punishing me for what i did to them? haha. what i did, as i found out, was being myself nd having acomplished stuff they didn't?! so petty jealousy over smth not in my control. Wth is wrong with ppl? Please tell me why ppl act like this as children, but then why still as adults? nd when these randkm memories pop up, is it coz im feeling smth bad? Or subconsiously thinking of smth bad? or is it my mind trying to tell me smth?

As for my mother, i feel like she knows whats shes doing, i told her many years ago how i was struggling with certain issues but she never outright helped me, basiclly pretended i never confided in her... Like no wonder i got trust issues hahah. Ik shes not dumb, but if she wanted to put her foot down she wouldve. idk how to tell u its hard for me to find reasons to live they're all external anyway. once I came across an article which said that parents do have faves and its usually the kid who usualy resembles THEM more. so that gave me strength knowing i have enuff mind sense to know what can hurt ppl whether they mention it or not. for instanc please help me here, my mother is the sort who talks like: "since that person isnt saying anything, it means they're unbothered by things. Everything's perfect in their life!" "If ur smiling, ur happy! U can't smjle nd be sad. U have smth (mother wants), then u hav no right to complain!" This is victim right? Imagine growing up listening to things like this? And because of this I had a habit of mind-reading ppl in which I expected them to know what i thought, but turns out what I 'read' on their minds was usually not good at all lol. It was victim! Im over that now. Ive become a bit... sensitive after events nd dealing with them alone. i never realised until a few years ago that not all adults are emotionaly mature. Its not their fault maybe their parents didn't teach them either. But it makes me so so SO ANGRY that i never even knew whats normal to me is actually so so unhealthy and not normal? has this hapened to u? As for being in her favor, I no longer WANT to be her 'fave' if that means conditional love nd being an ugly human inside together. U see when its stuff I do or dont do i swear she's after my hide, yelling and screaming. she has had only criticism for my choices in life only because they don't align with what SHE would do, despite our differences. why does it hurt when u think of someone whos supposedly someone who loves u more than anything? is this love? maybe its love nd I don't see it? yesterday i broke down in my room when i admitted this isn't normal. i can't live like this. Its not good. It brings me no relief to think even if i die they'll blame me for it, for not 'ConFiDiNg' in them! What if its me being crazy? and theyre right? besides i think my mothers secretly scared of my brother BY DA WAY HES A YEAR YOUNGER because he judges hard nd can accuse u confidently of shit after all he's had so much practice, nd hes more independent coz he can drive coz he sevretly prepared for nd got his license before i got mine nd back then we only had one car so he used it for uni coz his was 'farther' away than mine nd would come home super late so there was no chance for me to practice. By da way my mother blames me for that one too. Says i should've 'known' he was getting his license nd I wasn't 'serious' abt it.... Right, I was supposed to know he'd go behind my back? 😶

it's been like this and together theyre all chummy nd pretend they're not doing anything 'wronf' but they r. they're both more alike than they'd admit, nd not in good ways. we can't choose our families but I wish we could choose whether we wanna live in this world or not. lets say i change nd yes they reflect that sure that's nice but u know what? im so hurt by them nd ik theyll never ever know the extent to which ive been hurt. why should i dump this under the rug using the assumption law? later when i'll be okay and have my own life without depending on them they'll come to me nd pretend it never happened or if i mention how they treated me ik i just know they'll say things like: "oh it was for ur own good!"

like thisdreamplac i dont want to revise it like it never hapened nd honestly idk if i want their apology even! if ur hurt by someone's behavior, it means u care abt them! Whether its friends or family, so it means im caring for them. despite this i dont hate them enough to cause them hurt or pain back. why? Coz ik too well how it feels. the more this life feels like dreaming, the harder i feel things, more the pain more the fears

😶

hey :)

firstly, i'm sorry that's all happening to you. it's definitely heavy and not easy to deal with, when your pain runs deep and you're reminded of it all the time. it's surely not easy.

i hope that one day you decide to give yourself the freedom you deserve. hopefully one day you realize a life full of misery isn't worth it, and you change within for the better. not for anyone else, but for you. we are allowed to be happy, and we don't have to keep using others as an excuse for why we can't be. but that's a choice we must make on our own.

at the end of the day, whether you want to apply the law or not, you're still the one deeply carrying these burdens. not your family, but you. so you have to decide that you deserve to be free from the burdens, for yourself, because you deserve that lightness. it's not about who is right and who is wrong, but it's about you and taking responsibility for a beautiful tomorrow that doesn't rely on someone else.

i wish i could console you better, but i wouldn't tell you do something that i wouldn't follow myself. but anyway, i hope you do find yourself feeling better 💖

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Hi, i hope you are feeling good! Im better than yesterday so i can finally answer you. First of all: i am so happy that you shared your fanfiction! i had a great time reading it! Im always open for more recs. Maybe your all time favorites? Or if you know some good h/c these are always welcome :) And YESSS please send me a link to your fanvids. -- yeah 13rw was super cursed. haha i also watched season 1 but thankfully i was able to sto watching becaue i could feel it making me feel bad (1)

I agree the suicide scene was just cringe (but i think i remember reading somewhere that they cut it out? idk) and overall this show just gave me the feeling that there was no hope and things are always getting worse instead of better and i hated that. but enough of that cursed show. can i just say i really admire how open you are about your feelings (like being suicidal and that) i realy, really admire this about you. i have so much respect for you that you can just share your feelings here (2)

I have never heard of ace attorney but that story you described sounds really good. and i get reading sth that isnt good for you and still doing it (because im a dumb bitch too :D) -- okay i might accept that Root will never grow on you (but i thought so too and look at me now :D) but i havent fully given up yet :)-- yes thats the girl. i think it was really sweet when she said that to Shaw. and i think Shaw appreciated it that someone tried to figure her out instead of just writting her off (3)

Shaw is really cool and definately also a badass and in combination with John its just great! but you will have to suffer trough some Shoot.  but maybe, maybe you will end up not hating Root. hope dies last (idk how the saying goes in english, sorry). -- Did you ever ship Caresse (in a romantic way)? cause sometimes i do and sometimes i dont and i get so confused about it :) but i think most of the time i like them more as friends. anyway her death really sucked and you are right with (4)

her death and them losing the library it felt like a different show (i mean i guess it was a different show then). i kinda get your feelings about the destroyed library because i also really loved it (and im really bad with change) but i dont think it affected me as much as you. but yeah i still missed the library very much. and while the subway is a really cool new place its not the same. (also the subway is super dark cause its underground and idk it just makes the whole thing less homey) (5)

Yes he is everything! such a great, interesting character and i wish there were more John-centric episodes! (like ones that explored his character more). that was one of my biggest dislikes of the later seasons that John wasnt featured as much anymore. i think he chuckled a few times in the show but a real laugh? i cant remember one :(  -- He did promise Joss to talk to Tyler so @show were is that talk? -- if seen the vid its awesome! thehiddenmemory has some great poi vids! (6)

yes i think so too. Like Grace would probably be relived and thankful that Harold is still alive and maybe they would even try again but eventually she would figure out that she cant trust him after lying to him for so long or sth like that and Harold would ofc realize that he is in love with someone else now. And then he finds out that John is still alive but stayed away cause he didnt want to get in the way of Harold/Grace. But then Harold comes back. And when they meet again John is like (7)

you came back for the machine? what about Grace. But Harold tells him he came back for John not the machine and then they kiss and have a happy live with Bear (sorry i got a little carried away here :D). -- Yeah Zoe is really hot and she needed more screen time! -- i hope you have a good day and i hope i havent messed up the numbers on the asks! :)

Hi ! I'm finally free from the resits, I hope you're doing okay with your thesis 💛

Sorry for replying late, there was the exam resits, and I read a bunch of fics, then I fell into pokémon and started bingewatching it. (Also I had a breakdown during therapy today so I'm gonna finish writing my answer to distract myself - it's been sitting in my drafts for so long rip)

Thank you !! It was a very personal thing, I'm really happy you liked it !! Your support and your comment made me thrive 💛💛

Tbh I was surprised to see it get kudos given that the only intended audience was my self projecting ass 🤣

So, my fav fics (my fav fic ever is in French, rip to y'all bc it's so good):

I am, I am, I am by RavenWhitecastle

Actually check the entire series this work belongs to: The Sinner and the Saint. I haven't finished it yet but I love it (I just skipped the explicit fics bc I don't like smut or sub!John)

Breaking All The Rules by talkingtothesky

Outsider Perspective by Neery

A Really Private Person by astolat

Hamartia (the hero's fatal flaw) by astolat

If Only for Tonight by spacemutineer

From Here, Where? by AKMars

Stroll by TheaNishimori

and the world was gone by lunarcorvid

a light that never goes out by vindicatedtruth

Limitations. by Michaelssw0rd

Reel you in and spit you out by Michaelssw0rd

All I Want For Christmas Is You by richmahogany

By What Power I Am Made Bold by brinnanza

Aftershocks by darringtons

At Certain Hours It All Breaks Down by nogoaway

construction of a kingdom by the_ragnarok

You Take Me Higher Than I've Gone by talkingtothesky

All Together Now by beadedslipper

I'll Let the Waters Still by brinnanza

Birthday Tradition by talkingtothesky

Things My Father Taught Me by KRyn

Truth is in the Eye of the Beholder by infiniteeight

Better Luck This Time by Lisztful

Motivations by JenNova

What's On the Table by cortue

In Another Life by Della19

I Thought We Already Were by talkingtothesky

Misunderstandings by thisstarvingartist

This is already fucking long omg so for the h/c: my bookmarks filtered with Rinch and h/c

Here's my playlist, it's mostly Rinch, but there are a few not Rinch vids, plus some scenes I like

This is long enough already, so it's time for a read more. Also, warning, we be talking about suicide

The portrayal of suicide is cringe most of the time anyway. If my suicidal ass can find a list of suicide methods and their lethality in 2 mins on Google you'd think writers who are supposed to do some research would be able to find them too but no they're like "ah yes slicing wrists" even though it's literally the shittiest method 🙄 (I just don't understand why slicing wrists seems to be such a popular method in the collective imagination ? It's weird.) At least in 13rw she took aspirin and cut herself vertically instead of horizontally but still, no hesitation wounds, and she dies even though she only got 4 wounds iirc ? I know more about jumping off bridges than slicing wrists, but it kinda sounds like bullshit to me. Also Netflix once suggested "beyond the reasons" to me, it's a sort of discussion with the cast and crew of 13rw and the only thing I remember is a moment of intellectual masturbation abt how they "opened a discussion abt suicide" 😬😬😬

They may have cut it out it's not impossible, idk I didn't hear about it, but it's not like I look for info about this dumpster fire lol. Maybe they faced backlash ? Wouldn't be surprised given how shit the show was. And yeah it has a hopeless vibe, I mean that's how it be when you're suicidal, but I didn't like it either.

You're sweet 💜💜 it's interesting that you find it respectable or admirable, I don't have an external point of view, so I'm just like 🤷 it is what it is. I understand where you're coming from though, I guess it's still quite a taboo subject, and suicidal people don't always feel comfortable talking about it, so me throwing around that I jumped off a bridge must be surprising. I'm detached enough from my suicide attempt that I'm able to talk about it without much of a problem, and I'm not really suicidal anymore.

Dumb bitches unite 👏👏👏 we be out there reading shit we shouldn't read

Yeah I think it's nice how the show didn't portray Shaw as a bad person for not having "normal feelings". Well, hope makes one live as we say in French (idk the English saying either lol) but don't hold much hope about me liking Root lmao

I used to ship careese bc they kissed in the crossing, but then I read some Rinch fics and I just ended up falling into it to the point where I stopped caring about careese. Now I think their relationship works better as a friendship.

Yeah all that change really puts me off... It just gives me "bad spin-off" vibes. Especially since there is less John :( and less Rinch :((((

Lmao yeah I just have a lot of feelings about early poi hgkfglrk. Also :/ I'm sad about the subway being less homey pls I just want happiness ?? I swear this show destroys my heart on top of owning my last braincell (brb changing my blog title to this lmao)

Mood I need all the John-centric eps, give me m o r e characterization and development and backstory and feelings hhhhhhh. I love him so much I just wanna spend more time with him. And that's what fics are for ! Yeah thehiddenmemory is so talented ! Astolat made some good ones too, on top of writing really good fics ! (Our fandom has been blessed with the presence of one of the ao3 founders hell yeah)

Also, remember how we talked abt the poi subreddit ? The other day I left a comment on there, wild I know. It wasn't a discussion about the last seasons though, I'm not crazy, it was about the impact poi had in our lives so I said it literally taught me English. Who knows maybe sometimes I'll comment again lol. I just don't wanna meet one of those people who prefer late poi over early poi.

Allow me to uuuuh write something based on what you said. Don't ask me how John survived with no major injuries, my man got that Thick Plot Armor alright. Hope you appreciate me getting carried away sjdkdksk it's kinda rushed and the first part isn't that good bc idk how to write Grace I'm just here for that sweet sweet Rinch stuff

Harold is eating breakfast with Grace in her kitchen – he can't think of her home as his home – when his phone vibrates. It's a text from the machine. It's a surprise, she barely contacted him since... He blocks the thoughts and the images coming to his mind. The machine sent him a picture. When he opens it, his heart misses a beat. Right here on his screen is a silhouette he thought he would never see again. His phone vibrates again. Another picture, this time it's unmistakably John, wearing his signature suit, Bear next to him. Transfixed, he stares at his phone until he feels Grace gently touching his arm. She goes straight to the point.

"Is it John ?" He looks up in confusion, but before he can say anything, she adds, "I hear you call him in your sleep every night."

"It's him, yes." He doesn't want to explain. He only wants to see John, to touch him, to tell him how much he loves him.

"You should go back to him. I like you, Harold. I am deeply relieved to see you alive. But I've been thinking, and... It's not working. This, us... You aren't really the man I fell in love with, the man I grieved... I can't trust you anymore." She doesn't say 'You lied to me' but Harold hears it all the same.

~

Harold sits on their bench. The machine indicated John often comes here. Soon enough, his arms are full of Bear, and John is standing in front of him.

"John. How are you ?" he asks when Bear finally calms down.

"Busy. And you ?"

Harold eyes him suspiciously – John once said he was busy when he was bleeding and way too close to death – but he seems to be well.

"I'm fine." He doesn't have time for awkward small talk." I thought you were dead. Why didn't you contact me ?"

"The machine told me you were with Grace. I thought you wanted to come back to your previous life. I didn't want to crash into it and ruin what you had."

Harold wants to be angry at him, but he understands. He did the same with Grace.

"You would never ruin anything. Besides, my relationship with Grace... didn't survive my lies. She's very dear to my heart, but she's a part of my previous life, as you said."

"So you came back for the machine, and the numbers, like the good old times ?"

Harold gets up from the bench.

"I came back for you. You are an important part of my life. The most important part."

John smiles, finally. He takes a step towards Harold, they're so close they could kiss. Harold reaches out, grips his shirt and slowly inches closer. He's still afraid of being rejected but John wraps his arm around him and kisses him. The kiss is over too soon. John's smile is even wider when they part.

"You're the most important part of my life too," he says before kissing Harold again. "You will stay ?"

"Always."

Damn I live for sappy Rinch stuff.

Bitches decided that Harold saying "always" is peak Rinch. It's me I'm bitches.

Also ofc I had to make a reference to number crunch, who do you think I am

Anyway. I hope you have a good day ! 💛

[rivalhcp]

I love u but WHY do people have trouble with leon... hes realy not that hard... i didnt lose to him ever.... its type matchups bro.... sometimes u have to go into a fight without ir faves to save u pain

lissen man i had a p big type advantage,, i had boltund on my team which could take down charizard pretty easy,, but u know what i am? i am DUMB n i constantly forget what pokemon i have on my team n what is super effective,, i only remembered boltund was super effective to charizard on like,,. my 9th try., (@ the battle tower i beat him the first time in the league twt)

n even tho he PROBABLY aint that hard to beat n im just stupid ngl it was fun to lose to him 10 times

[pbandjesse]

Emotionally i am having a tough night. I am just feeling bad about myself physically and I just am feeling low. It sucks. I am so ready to move and I'm excited to start taking classes like skating again. I feel so tried and sore and bad inside and i know its been a lot because im emotionally exhausted and just eating because I cant do anything else. It sucks. It will get better but it sucks right now.

Today was mostly good though. But there were parts that lead to me being so emotional. I slept okay. It was still hard to wake up. Dnd last night was fun and didn't go to late. And when I got up in the morning James made us a very nice hashbrown breakfast and I felt pretty good.

I had a good ride to work. Got there early, worked on some stuff. I added fabric to my new shorts. Very cute.

It was a fairly okay day, though i am really running out of steam. Im trying not to let it influence the kids to much but I am tired. During yoga we had some good stretches and inversions. Lots of laughs.

Art was good. I had Bre'Asia crying on my chest cause a boy called her dumb. And so we dealt with our feelings and apologies were made. As was Art. And the kids did a really good job cleaning the room.

During reading I read a fascinating long form article about the possible euthanasia of 45 hospital patients that happend during Katrina. It was wild and tooj me most of the morning to read through. But it was worth it. It was wild.

We skateboarded a bunch and it was very fun. Kids got snowballs at the end for $1. We had a good time. Lots of hugs.

Stem was where the issues laid. I was teaching. I had the kids researching about bones. But a bunch of them had sometimes fron recess and most were sitting with my coteacher and chilling. That's fine. Their body thing won't have bones I guess.

But then she yelled at me??? I let the kids on laptops who were drawing their bones listen to music. And she yelled at me for it!!! Like are you serious. I was just so mad. The disrespect in front of the entire class. And then they tried to inturup my instructions to use Google to research because they "had done enough researching yesterday" when they had watched a childrens video. Why are you telling them to do it differently. Then my instructions??? The googling it to help them learn to google. Which is a skill!! I had to have a conversation with my boss later because if this wasn't the last week I would not be willing to work with them anymore. Cause its ridiculous.

It upset me pretty bad. I wanted to be alone.i vented at Marcus a bit. He made me feel a little better. But I just wanted to take the bus ans be quiet by myself.

But of course a creepy guy made me uncomfortable the whole ride. He told me to sit next to him. On the empty bus. I said no. But it was all questions about what i like to eat and where i work and if i have kids. I just wanted to be alone.

He stopped bothering me eventually. And i got off the bus and biked home. I got a shower, and felt a bit better.

Until I stepped on a pretty sizable piece of glass. Super cool. Got blood everywhere.

James came home. I had a snack before he got here. Which was good because we were meeting his parents for dinner but we didnt know when. I didnt love the lack of plan but it was fine. Eventually his sister and cousin came and got us. And we were off.

First ti his parents house. Drinks and talking. Then to Hamden for Mexican. And it was so good. I had a realy good time talking teaching with his sister, who just finished school to become a teacher, and his cousin who is goofy and sweet and into cosplay and some of the goofy stuff I like.

I had way to much to eat. It was all so good though and i had a lot of fun. Even if i was to full and felt kind of bad.

Us youngins all got back to the apartment so his cousin could meet sweetp. His sister is still very funny and uncomfortable around the cat. She talks to him in a business casual voice and it makes me laugh.

They left not long after. I repacked my bag for the beach. And then spiraled into sadness and cried for a while. But im okay now, just very tired.

My new book and my blue light blocking glasses came and i like them a lot! Very good purchase. Ignore my red nose from the crying. Still cute.

Camp tomorrow. Possibly the last teaching day?? Unclear. Still going into it with a positive attitude. I hope tomorrow i feel better. And i hope you all have a good time.

Goodnight everyone.

[hotdadlicense]

ahh for my dearest zhenya @fapfapfashion lover! heres that bfu post i said id make for you like monnnnnths ago i PROMISE i never forgot! just :(:( life. but anyway this was FUN i love youuuu! disclaimer: im not rly in the fandom this is all stuff i see through like just some friends reblogging stuff every now and again and whenever i go to the tag to find stuff sometimes but ANWAY I HOPE its semi coherent <3<3<3 love YOU.

OKAY I FEEL LIKE i said YEH ILL MAKE YOU A MASTERPOST FUCK YEAH but now im like hmmm making a buzzfeed unsolved masterpost is.......not that much cos its like? all there on their youtube channels like its not like music or stuff where theres yknow albums! singles! unreleased songs! special live performances! music videos! documentaries! band info! like its all over on buzzfeed multiplayer youtube and buzzfeed unsolved network youtube but whatever i can ramble about dumb shit and link some stuff so ayeee.

heres the links to the actual videos:

SUPERNATURAL

+ season one // two // three // four // five

+ supernatural: postmortem

TRUE CRIME

season one // two // three // four

+ true crime: postmortem

all eps in order (including postmortem)

personal favs

a vid that bab @chantillystars linked me and i watch it every time im feelin not fresh so i can smile

someone elses better done video round up master post! op ur incredible

now under the cut cos i realy did ramble :(

okay so THE HOSTS!

RYAN BERGARA (insta//twitter)

the fucking creator and inventer of bfu its his baby and im so proud of him and how far its come <3

when the season finale of the latest supernatural premiered it trended at number 1 over the fucking new lion king trailer and he got emo on twitter and insta about it and i cried a lil bit

fucking loves sports basketball or whatever themeparks popcorn and paddington bear

not scared enough of ghosts to not sleep in a haunted house but is scared enough that he absolutely will scream the whole entire time that he is in said haunted house

first ghost encounter was on the queen mary when he was a teenager. the ghost knocked his toothpaste of the shelf and he freaked. and now he has shat his pants at every bump in the night since. icon!

works his ass for to produce mass amounts of content for us like its fucking insane? all up there are like 9 seasons of bfu plus post-mortems and its only been going since 2014?? plus everything else hes got happening??

rly sweet and funny but like in a frat boi kinda way but like. a frat boi you could trust?

SHANE MADEJ (insta//twitter)

wasnt actually the original cohost!

(BRENT was the orignal host but had to beg out a couple episodes in cos he was juggling too many commitments so which fair!)

ryan and shane were desk partners and longtime buzzfeed pals that ? if i remember correctly? interned together back when they first started?

ryan turned to shane one day and was like ‘yo, wanna cohost this show with me?’ and shane was like 'sure.’ and honestly trying to picture it now without shane?? okay ryan and shane just bounce off each other so well theyre like a dream team. god bless them being desk buddies and work pals.

shanes a freak

does not believe in ghosts spirits orbs and all things that go bump in the night like he seems to genuinely want to but like. science and his big ass brain wont let him.

very smart! can rly work a patterned floral shirt! or plaid! kinda gives a dad vibe in glasses but then he talks and its like okay please never supervise a child!

v into history! so much so that he has his own lil show on buzzfeed aka:

RUINING HISTORY

stars him along with ryan and sara (his beautiful and smart and talented gf who also works at buzzfeed <3) with some other ever changing cohosts

hes also responsible for The Hot Dog Saga aka THE HOTDAGA and i know there are people that adore it but! in their own words! id rather walk into the sea.

ryan, too, hates the hotdaga and i feel like this was? about the hotdaga after shane sung something fuck if i remmebr

RYAN + SHANE

these gifs are from the ?second ep? i saw of them honestly it rly sums up the ryan/shane dynamic i guess

but like. the way ryan looks and laughs whenever shane says something mildly funny? hearteyes mutherfucker

above when i said shanes a freak? yeah.

ryan letting shane live as long as he has? true friendship

whenever theyre at the lil desk in their lil basement talking cases shane just talks shit and ryan just lets him and i fucking love them

the LAST FRAME

oh one time they lucked out with a hotel that had a jacuzzi tub <3

yknow what? this was actually kinda sweet. like yeh bitch

shane madej: nations greatest tragedy.

i can hear this in my head just looking at these gifs and it makes me laugh everytime and thats BAD cos a child fucking died

shanes a freak pt.2

OH SHIT one time in postmortem they joked that brent was coming back and shane was leaving and fuck? they had to actually address that it was a joke fUCK

its not all shittalking and screaming there really is some fond and happy shit too

bfu most recognisable and iconic line.

shanes hottest pick up lines when hes on site

the comments on the video for this ep about this part are fucking hilarious please read when you watch that ep

okay its common knowledge that shanes a demon which ill tlak about in a sec but THIS SCENE RIGHT HERE? ryans the fucking demon. like the way hes just standing there, hands clasped behind his back, giving shane (whos acting like a CHILD) that Look? demon bout to kill the dumbass chillin at a haunted house on halloween. come to collet a soul or 10. magical!

OKAY SO SHANE TALKS SOME BIG GAME IN THE EPS but HIS love for ryan will always melt my heart like HE LOVES and cares about ryan so much and supports buzzfeed unsolved so much and whenever things get dumb on social media shanes ready to call it out and make a post or just like. praise ryan (like he rightfully deserves) and yeah im emo about it anyway hes shane being cute part one and heres shane REALLY FUCKING going all out (!!!!!!!!!!.meme)i LOVE him also being cute part two

‘id walk into the sea.’

shanes a freak pt.3

ryan: “Are ghosts real?” shane: *this dumb face*

NERDS

i laughed for like 10 minutes the first time i watched this part thankyou shane

THEM LAUGHING TILL THEY CRIED ABOUT SOMEONE THAT DIED PLAYING THE PIANO

a real insight to shanes mind

ryan really puts up with this

shane got a bowlcut once just for funsies like okay youre no joba but good job i guess

TROPES/ICONIC MEMES/WAHTEVER:

shanes a demon

+ free real estate.meme

+ the office.meme

+ he aint right

+ JALDSHFK FUCK

+ ryan acknowledging that shane is a demon thankyou

+ like the good thing about having a guest fill in on the few times shanes been away has been ryan always being like okay so the demons not here so lets just acknowledge That

goatsman bridge

+ the video that started all this aka the one you reblogged hehhehe

+ what a fucking JOKE

+ an absolute JOKE

+ bridge owner fuck OFF

+ ksdjhfgjhsdkj.meme

sallie house

+ shane was insufferable this episode i fell in love for real how did ryan LIVE

+ like imagine trying to feel your heart beating while fucking shanes over there doing That

+ rock n roll buckaroo

+ swell has become apart of my daily vocal i hate

bobby mack

+ ‘hey there demons. its me, ya boi.’

+ ‘and frankly i dont believe in you, so i feel like im writing a letter to santa claus right now.’

+ tweet.meme

+ overall a great ep

+ can shane calm the fuck down okay i need ryan to make it out of this SAFELY and ALIVE

father thomas

+ ryans FACE also shane being that annoying sibling to ur parents

+ father thomas really went into this thinking he could help these boys to be fair shane was taking notes. ryan was just? dying inside

+ freak

+ imagine being like a 70 yr old priest hearing some dudes walking into ur congregation and overhearing ‘jesus said chill.’

bigfoot

+ ryan does not rly believe in bigfoot but shane does so like you win some you lose some

+ in the least shippy way possible this epsiode is ultimate soft gays going on a hike

+ like its just such a sweet domestic ep

+ <3

+ just happy babbey