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cjjohansson · 3 years ago

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YOU'RE IT FOR ME

SUMMARY ; you and Natasha argue over your mission gone wrong.

supersolider!reader x natasha romanoff

angst/fluff.

fighting/blood/injury/swearing word count;3.4k - this is my first ever attempt at writing anything. im so sorry if its terrible.

As always Steve woke you up at stupid oclock in the morning to brief you on a quick unexpected intel mission. He told you the base you were being sent to has not long been abandoned and if anyone was there, to eliminate the threat like you always do. Lucky for you, you had super-solider serum running through your veins so this mission was simple and easy for you to complete alone. You only had to retrieve some files on HYDRA creating another super-solider serum.

However Natasha wasn’t too happy about you being woken up so early meaning she had to wake up to a cold bed and you were nowhere to be seen throughout the whole compound. She looked around for you everywhere only to end up running quite literally into Steve, he obviously knew who she was looking for and finally spoke up, “Oh, if you're looking for Y/N, they went on a quick mission.”

“What do you mean a ‘quick mission’, they would have come to say bye?” Natasha responded suspiciously due to the fact that you would never leave without saying bye or giving her a quick peck on her lips regardless of how long the mission would take.

“A quick intel mission, the only person I could see who had potential in succeeding was them. Woke them up 3 hours ago, they should be back within 2. They’re fine Natasha, you don't need to worry.” Steve thought to quickly remind her that you were more than capable than going on a mission alone and that you certainly didn't need to be worried about, you’re a super-solider for god sake.

“OK, just next time notify me too when they’re going so I'm not walking around looking.” Natasha walked away straight after that proceeding to the training room to blow off some steam about the fact that you didn’t say bye.

Meanwhile

you had got to the base a little over 2 hours ago, and when Steve told you this base was abandoned you had no idea why you actually decided to believe him. The base was in fact NOT abandoned and within the first 10 minutes of you slowly making your way to the base from the quinjet you was swarmed with at least 10 HYDRA agents. You worked as quickly as you could taking out the threats left right and centre with your guns and some quite literally being thrown straight into some trees. You managed to get the agents down in record time, you was quite impressed with yourself to say the least but you knew you should call for backup, you reached for your comms only to be met with a sickening buzzing sound surrounding your ear drums, you threw your ear piece onto the floor and just continued towards the base. At the end of the day you still had a mission to complete after all.

You finally made your way into the base to see that maybe Steve was right about one thing: the base itself was abandoned but the surroundings were not. “Idiot” you thought to yourself about Steve sending you on a mission with not all accurate information.

You’re making your way through the base using your enhanced hearing for anything that doesn't sound right, guess it's somewhat of your lucky day when you hear nothing so you continue your path down the long narrow corridor to finally reach the head scientists room to gather the files about HYDRAs own knowledge on developing a new form of super-solider serum. You always wondered why people had an obsession with powered and enhanced people but at the same time you understood why. You just wished yours wasn't forced on to you and that you were given a choice but you were soon to be one of HYDRAs secret weapons, but when the Avengers found you, you had just been injected with the serum. The Avengers were infiltrating HYDRA bases when Lokis scepter had been stolen, they found you just in time and took you in straight away.

Plugging in the usb drive to transfer all data, the transfer popping up onto the screen telling you that it would take 10 minutes, “Easy enough.” that's what you had thought until you could hear footsteps coming from down the corridor. Quite heavy, long strides, possibly over 6ft tall, only one person, even better. You made your way to hide behind the door so when it opened you could attack right away, but that never came. Instead a metal arm came crashing through the wall you were standing up against grabbing you by the throat and throwing you half way down the corridor, it took you a moment for you to try and stand up but by the time you was about to stand a fist was already being swung towards your face, keeping you locked on the floor below him. You knew this soldier was like you, you could feel it but you also knew that you might not get out of this fight easily, they were much stronger. That face looked familiar, the blurring of your vision from the hits making it harder to properly see but you knew it was familiar. The beating continued with left and right hooks being thrown against your face, the blood rushing out of new cuts across your face, your busted lip and most likely broken nose. You couldn't give up. You knew that for sure. You managed to find the strength to start dodging the punches coming right at you but you knew you needed to get that drive and get going quickly. Rolling out from underneath the soldier as they went to drive their metal arm straight into your face you grabbed your gun and shot the soldier in the stomach and sprinted back to the room to collect the usb and get going, you knew it was the only way to run rather than end up dying here alone. You finally reached the doors of the base to continue your sprint when you heard that sound of a bullet coming straight out of a gun, it buried itself right into the back of your left leg but you had to keep moving, the blood gushing from your face and now from your leg reminded you to definitely tell Steve to “fuck off” when he comes into your room before the suns even up again. Continuing the sprint, you started to only imagine one thing. That Natasha was going to have your head when you got back to the compound.

You could see the quinjet right in front of you and you had never been so happy to see one so much in your life but just as you was to step one foot onto the jet another two shots were heard behind you, you KNEW this soldier wasn't going to give up and you definitely knew they would keep up with you. The bullets finally lodged themselves into your body, one straight into your right leg and the other straight into your lower back coming out through your stomach. This wasn't good. You were just about on the jet pulling yourself up as the option to stand wasn't even an option anymore, telling FRIDAY to close the hatch and get in the air and back to the compound as quickly as it could and make sure to have medical on stand by as you land. Moving yourself to try and sit in one of the chairs holding pressure to your gunshot wound in your stomach, you heard a familiar voice ring through the speakers of the jet.

“Y/N come in, do you copy?” Natasha. Just as you go to open your mouth to reply your vision starts to blur and all that you manage to croke out are inaudible slurs, until your vision completely goes black.

To say Natasha was pissed off at Steve and you was an understatement. Oh if looks could kill Steve would already be 6 foot under. They stood on the landing pad waiting for the quinjet to arrive back at the compound but what they were expecting was not what they finally saw when the door to the quinjet opened. There you laid on the floor, choking on the air and laying in a puddle of your own blood, paler than anything they had ever seen. Before Steve and Natasha could even make it to the quinjet fully, the medical team were rushing in and putting you on a stretcher taking you straight into surgery. Natasha didn’t even make a move she stood there completely lost with that imagine in her head, but as soon as a doctor shouted you had no pulse it was like she was snapped back into reality her body was on flight mode, she made the move to try and run to you as quickly as possible but Steve had already grabbed her round the waist and was holding back against her vicious punches and kicks shouting at him to ‘let her go or he will regret it’. The sounds of Natashas shouting soon caught the ears of some of the other Avengers, running outside one by one came Wanda, Bucky and Sam. Confused by the commotion until they finally heard the sobs of Natasha in Steve's arms and the puddle of blood in the quinjet, they instantly knew this was about you.

Natasha had been pacing around the waiting room for 2 hours now, everyone telling her, you're ok and the surgery will be over with soon. But they didn't know if you were ok and when the surgery would be over they just wanted Natasha to sit down and stop pacing. Just as Natasha finally took a seat a doctor walked straight in front of them staring at Natasha.

“Are they alive?” Natashas voice coming out weak filled the waiting room, the anxiety from the question entering everyone's mind to know the truth.

“Yes”

They all finally let out a breath none of them knew they were holding. Natasha finally looks down and letting some more silent tears roll down her cheeks, she looks up at the doctor.

“Can I see them?” no one has ever heard Natasha sound so weak and vulnerable, they all knew yous were together, yous never kept it a secret openly flirting in front of everyone and you making it very clear who Natasha was to you at parties when you'd go up to her at the bar and put your arms around her waist and start slowly kissing her neck no matter who she was involved in a conversation with. But no one had ever seen this side of your relationship, the hard side of worrying and panicking when one of you was injured or on a mission. The vulnerable side and lets just say you and Natasha were not ones to let people see you both so small and fragile.

Following the doctor into another room there you laid on the bed your stomach wrapped tightly and also your legs, the bruising on your face a nice bright purple. Your skin had slowly started to have more colour in and Natasha had never been so relieved. She made her way over slowly towards your bed afraid any type of sound would wake you up. She wanted you to rest, but part of her wanted to shout and scream at you for not calling for backup or even just turning around and coming back home. Turns out she wasn't as quiet as the sound of the chair moving wakes you up from your sleep.

The bright lights make you hiss and groan. You make your way to sit up thinking it was all a dream, that is until you feel two sets of hands on each side of your body pushing you down.

“Lay back down y/n, you're hurt.” Natasha, there it is again that sweet voice you've spent months waking up too, but it's different. It sounds broken like she has been crying and is about too again at any given moment. Opening your eyes was a struggle but you finally got there. In the room stood Steve, Wanda, Sam and Bucky and sat next to you ever so gently holding your hand is your Natasha. You go to turn towards Natasha but Bucky catches your eye, everyone sees the hesitance in whether or not you want to finally speak.

“He looked like you.” that's all you manage to choke out before Nat is passing you a cup of water to drink slowly. Everyone starts to look around confused straight from you back to Bucky. Until you finally speak up again.

“The guy that attacked me at the base, thanks Steve by the way maybe next time send two people instead of one into an ‘abandoned’ base, yeah abandoned my arse.” Everyone smiles at your sarcasm but quickly pushes that to the side to ask the question everyone is so desperate to know.

“Babe,what do you mean by he looked like Bucky?” ah, Natashas voice, you simply turned and smiled at her squeezing her hand.

“Well like I said Talia, he looked exactly like Buck. Metal arm, red star. Long black hair. All the facial features are the same but not the eyes, they just looked black. Was hard to know for definite with the amount of punches I was receiving but if no one was to know Bucky like we do, then people would be sure that the Winter Soldier is alive and well.”

Bucky stood there dumbfounded not even knowing what to say or even think, everyone just looks confused at what you’re saying it makes no sense but then again yous are all in a room with three super-soliders, a witch, a highly trained ex-assassin and a guy that has robotic wings for christ sake.

“Ok i think we should all take a break give Nat and y/n some space ok? Come on guys, we can debrief you later y/n/n yeah?” Steves the one to speak up this time probably too confused and tired to have this conversation.

“I know what you're gonna say Tasha, and i'm not in the mood to hear it so can we leave the telling off until tomorrow? Ok, thanks means a lot.”

“No. we are talking about this now so it can be over with and we can move forward. Its simple really y/n/n youre a fucking idiot!” her voice starts to get louder as she continues her rant.

“You call for backup no matter the excuse you call for it or you get back on that jet and come back home no mission is worth more than your life you know that! Ugh, i’m so fucking angry at you for being so fucking reckless! You could have died? Why can't you see that? Just because you have that serum it doesn't make you invincible you know that but you've acted it! All of this for some files? How can you expect me to not be upset or angry? You’re my partner, and i love you more than anything but when you act like this it makes me think if you are even thinking about me when youre risking your life for some stupid usb.” she looks away as she continues to cry, your brain now trying to process all of these words but also all of these emotions. Wait, did she just say she loves you? You have been together for nearly a year now and neither of you had even said that yet, you both knew it but never dared to say it.

“You love me?” it's your turn to choke out now, you know you love her but one minute she is calling you reckless and an idiot then she is telling you she loves you?

“Of course i love you, you fucking idiot!”

“Ok, ok, still mad i got it” she slowly turns to glare at you this time but she sees your tears slowly rolling down your face and she instantly softens her glare. You take her hands into yours and you know you have to say it back because if you don't she is going to be even more mad than what she already is and one thing you don't want to deal with right now is a mad girlfriend because she is so scary.

“Hey Talia, listen ok? I love you too. I do, I really do. I'm sorry i was reckless, i should have come back but it was like my body was on auto mode and yes like you said that isn't an excuse i know that ok. I thought i'd be ok on my own and well clearly i wasn't as i’m in a hospital bed but i’m here. I know we both worry when we go on separate missions and I know you probably worried more because I didn't come and say goodbye but I was hoping to be back by the time you woke up. Steve said it was abandoned and when I got off the jet and started walking no one was there and then I was ambushed by some guards but I took them down with ease and there was no one else in sight, my comms went off and they were buzzing and I just carried on. I needed to do this mission baby, I needed to get this information about the serum so we can try and stop HYDRA creating more soldiers and putting them through pain. I’m sorry I've hurt you, I didn't mean to do that, I was just doing my job but I'll tell Steve for next time that if i’m to go on a solo mission that you need to be with me ok? No more solo missions, not just for me but for everyone. We need to be safe. Especially with another Winter Soldier walking around like he owns the place ok? I love you Natalia, I’m sorry.” you've already lowered your head at this point too embarrassed by telling her we all need to be safe and that you love her.

You feel one of her hands move from yours, you think she is gonna walk out but instead you feel the softness of her fingertips tracing the bruising on your cheekbones before you even have the chance to hiss at the tender touch her lips are pressed so intensely against yours. You've kissed many times before but this kiss, it's just so different it's as if she is trying to tell you exactly how much she loves you and how much she is happy you're here just by this kiss. You move your hand up to her face and slowly move it round to play with the hairs at the back of her neck, she hums and slowly stops kissing you. You didn't want that kiss to end and you groan in frustration and she chuckles at your little outburst, Nat leans her forehead against yours and finally lets out a breath. You're ok, she knows it now.

You both sit in comfortable silence for a while forehead to forehead until you feel a shooting pain in your stomach, you hiss in pain and move away to lie back down on your back. Natasha is up in an instant thinking she has hurt you but you're quick to calm her nerves.

“Baby it's ok, just some pain. Come and lay with me, please?” you pull your puppy dog face, a face you know she cannot resist. She simply smiles and makes her way back over to the bed as you shuffle over to make room for her. The next minute you're both lying and she is snuggled into your side, your hand drawing patterns on her back and her arm ever so carefully laying above your wrapped stomach.

You understood why she was mad at you, you put your life on the line and didn't think twice about how she would feel with the consequences. You hated yourself for that, you knew you'd feel the same if it was her laying here injured and not you but it wasn't.

The room was silent, a comfortable silence. One you and Natasha both could just relax too.

“When I said I love you y/n, I truly meant it. You're it for me” she moved her head off your chest to look into your eyes, her eyes held so much emotion and you knew right then and there again like you had known for the past year that you were going to marry this woman.

“And you're it for me Natalia Alianovna Romanoff. I love you Talia, forever and always.”

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natalia romanova #natalia romanoff #black widow x reader #marvel mcu #natasha romanoff imagine

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tourettesbabe · 3 years ago

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hi ! hope youre well :)

so, im 20, and i started developing tics when i was 18 (i fit all the diagnostic criteria for tourette's, except that my tics developed once i was 18 instead of before). i spoke to my psychiatrist about it but he didn't suggest anything along the lines of a diagnosis, just said it might be my medication (we tried changing that and it wasnt it), and then kind of left it at "tics are strange, let's see what happens"

ive been kind of nervous of asking him for an actual diagnosis because it seems like he doesn't know a huge amount about tics, and i don't really feel like i need an official diagnosis (unless it's necessary for accommodations but i havent even started looking into those yet).

basically, i wanted to ask if you think it's okay for me to say i have tourette's? i do genuinely think i have tourette's, i've seen studies talking about how the DSM-5 might be outdated and adult-onset tourette's is a thing, but also it's just easier to say i have tourette's to people than try and explain that i have tics but i don't know exactly what it is and i don't have a diagnosis.

also slightly unrelated, but i haven't told a lot of people because my tics are often not noticeable (especially if i suppress them), and i feel really anxious telling anyone who's known me for a while bc im worried they'll think im faking since they havent seen me tic before.. if you have any advice on that its much appreciated

sorry this was so long- completely understandable if you don't have energy or can't respond! <3

Hey Nonnie! First of all, I'm honored that you'd message me for advice. Thank you for being so sweet as well -- I am doing well, thank you. Now, I'm definitely not an expert, but I can give you my two cents!

While it is true that the official DSM-5 diagnosis for Tourette's requires the person to have been ticcing since before the age of 18, you're also right in saying there is some discourse about whether or not that is completely accurate. Adult-onset tic disorders are a thing, and they can happen for a variety of reasons. IMO, if you fit all the other criteria like you said, it's probably Tourette's. It's also the most well-known tic disorder, so many people will understand what it means (though they may also have some inaccurate ideas about swearing and the like.)

I will say that there are many kinds of tic disorders, and many reasons why tics could be happening. If you're sure you have Tourette's, then I'd say it's fine to say that. But if you're not, I'd just stick with telling people you have a tic disorder. If they ask questions about the diagnosis, just tell them it's currently unspecified. What's most important is that you have tics, not the label.

You know yourself better than anyone else, including your doctor, your family, your friends, etc. So, although an official diagnosis can be useful, don't feel bad about labeling it for yourself. Even if it turns out to be something else, if the label is serving a purpose for you now, or if it helps others to understand you, then I don't see a problem with it.

Getting a diagnosis can be intimidating, but if it's important to you then you need to be confident! Like I said, you know yourself better than anyone else. You need to advocate for yourself and be persistent. If your psychiatrist doesn't know much about tics, ask him if he can find out some more information to help you out, or even present him with your own findings! But, again, if you don't need accommodations and it's not affecting you too much, you may not need an official diagnosis. It's your life, and your tics.

If you do go on the diagnosis route and he isn't giving you the answers/help you need, never be afraid to seek out a second opinion! There are specialists who are trained specifically to diagnose tic disorders, which may be more helpful to you. That's how I got diagnosed when I was young.

As for telling people, in my personal experience I've found it usually goes pretty well. My tics aren't very noticeable either, so when I do tell a friend they usually say they never would have known, but nobody has ever accused me of lying or anything like that. In fact, most of the time they are interested in learning more and want to ask me questions about my tics and experiences, which I am always excited to do.

I don't know your family, so I'll try to cover my bases here... If you have the kind of parent or sibling who might try to say that they know you too well to not have noticed, try and remind them that the tics are subtle and that you may have been suppressing them. Tics can be very easy to miss when someone isn't looking for them, even when they seem obvious to you. Also tell them that it's a very recent thing (and if they question the possibility/legitimacy of that, definitely pull out the receipts lol -- articles, webpages, anything you need to). It could also go just the same as I said with friends. If anyone is particularly uptight about it, don't tolerate it. You are not faking, and anyone who thinks you are needs to get educated.

Also know that you don't NEED to tell people if you don't want to. Even your closest friend or family member is not entitled to your personal medical information if you are not comfortable with sharing it. And, if it's subtle enough that they haven't noticed yet, then they may not notice unless you bring it up. It's up to you who to tell and who not to tell.

Now, I don't know if this has been your mindset in any way, but I definitely would not recommend suppressing tics in order to avoid questions from those close to you. Your comfort is more important than theirs here!!! Ticcing is a natural thing and it is happening for a reason, listen to your body and let it do what it needs to do. I honestly would recommend never suppressing at all, but I understand that it can feel embarrassing or like everyone is looking at you, especially in public. However, in my experience, people don't really notice (even after they know about the tics if they are subtle). I want to remind you though that there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about in ticcing.

I hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything feel free to send another anon or DM my way. I've linked some extra resources below that might help. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it!!! :)

Resources:

CDC's Page on Tourette's

CDC's Page on Diagnosing Tic Disorders

Tourette Association: What Is Tourette

Tourette Association: Diagnosis

NCBI's Article on Adult-onset Tic Disorders

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thatadhdfeeling · 3 years ago

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Hi im finally going to get a test to see if i have add after looking at information for 2 years! Is there anything you would recomend? Im feeling scared and worried like im just doing it to cover up me being lazy but also i feel like this is something i definitly might have. But also worried about what i am supposed to say and how it will go. Sorry long ask just wondering how it went for you and if you have any tips?

No worries if you cant or dont want to answer this :)

Oh boy, lots to think about. I put a TL;DR at the end for you.

I think my biggest piece of advice, is don't answer questions with an ADHD perspective. Answer them as honestly as you can. Many people see a list of symptoms and say "I think I have X" and when tested, will answer the questions with that diagnosis in mind, and it influences how they answer. This can lead to misdiagnosis, and consequently they may not get the help they need because they aren't diagnosed with something they actually have. This can be for any medical diagnosis. So while you're testing, try to put ADHD out of your mind and answer completely unbiased and as truthfully as you can.

ADD is no longer a diagnosis. It's all under the ADHD umbrella. There are multiple types of ADHD, so if you're worried that answering "no" or a smaller number on many questions may lead you to be undiagnosed, don't be. Answer honestly. You might still get an ADHD diagnosis, just not the subtype that fits those particular symptoms. You might get a diagnosis in something else you hadn't even considered, and getting help for that will change your life far better than if you got help for a disorder you don't have.

There are three main subsets of ADHD. Inattentive, Hyperactive, and Combined. Maybe you're like me and you don't feel the need to do laps around your house when you're bored. You might still have ADHD. Maybe you do have difficulty regulating your motivation. You might have a different disorder. Answer honestly and not from an ADHD perspective, and your results will be a more accurate representation of who you are and what help you need. Imposter Syndrome is a part of ADHD as its a very I consistent disorder, but it's also a part of other disorders as well.

Many people have to advocate for themselves. If they believe they have ADHD and their doctor disagrees, first, their doctor might be right, but second, talk about it. Keep bringing it up. Get that diagnostic test. Speak up for yourself. But answer honestly. Often times people find they fit into a box such as ADHD, and spend their time looking up other people's experiences or common symptoms and applying them to their own experiences with that feeling of being able to relate. But they don't take the time to look up any other disorders, and there might be a box they fit even better into.

I happened to not be one of those people. Both my doctor and my therapist kept bringing up that they thought I have ADHD and were convinced of it. When I told my friends, they all said "Yeah, we all thought that too". I thought it was ridiculous! I can concentrate sometimes. Sometimes even too well. I don't feel the need to run around all the time. I don't have ADHD. Well, I had a very naïve understanding of what ADHD was. I thought it was a label little boys that couldn't sit still in class got. I'm a 29-year-old female. Once it was explained to me what ADHD truly is and the different types of symptoms, I now see it in everything I do. In every way I think. In all of my memories. ADHD is a part of everything about me, in every moment, in every day. If I had stuck to my guns and still had the mentality of "I'm convinced I have a different disorder", I'd not have got the help I didn't realize I needed this whole time. I may have got help in something that I didn't have and wouldn't have helped me at all.

TL;DR: It's good to advocate for yourself and stand up for yourself to get the help you feel you need. But during your testing, push ADHD out of your mind and answer as honestly and unbiased as you possibly can. You might have one type of ADHD or another type. You might have a different disorder alltogether. You will continue to struggle if you don't get the CORRECT help you need, and to do this, be honest with yourself. Be honest during the test. Trust me, as someone who fought against it, it wasn't until I opened up to the possibilities of a different diagnosis from what I thought I had (BPD), that I started to benefit from the type of help that I needed.

#adhd #neurodivergent #adhd memes #adult adhd #actually adhd #adhd problems #living with adhd #adhd things #adhd brain #adhd inattentive #thatadhdfeeling #theadhdfeeling #tadhdfpost

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stronghours · 3 years ago

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CUSTOMER SERVICE

E T S Y

Darling Fallon Sep 3, 2013

Sensational (sin-sational!). i write on behalf of myself (S) and my lover (m). we have been ripped off by bulk-produced molded hoods before and i can only say HAND CUT LATEX ONLY never look back!! worth the money and will eventually pay for itself. neck fit like loving glove and adds dynamic intensifier to breathplay. Lovely proprietor replied prompt when “m” had questions re: breathability (she added extra breathing hole at no extra cost). class acts all around (and not just in our dungeon!) will return for more but “m” needs a break first if u get the drift lol1!! thanks to lady j!

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Latex Chrysalis Hood (translucent…

3 Helpful

myMister Aug 24, 2013

this one writes on behalf and with permission of MISTER. this one quaked with bliss when package arrived. truly awful to behold in the wise hands of MISTER. this one’s neck is small and delicate For His Pleasure and all item adjustments were made to order and did not affect shipping time. if this one could be so efficient For His Pleasure this one would be in heaven on earth. instead, this one is less than a hole. item truly enhanced <O sensation. without a doubt will be used over and over in this household for due punishments of this very worthless one. discrete pgk’ing. thanks to designer J for deepening this one’s service to MISTER.

(NOTE FROM MISTER – WILL PROPRIETER PLEASE PRIVATELY EMAIL TO DISCLOSE IF YOU ARE MALE/FEMALE/OTHER SO “myMister” (this one) WILL BE ABLE TO PROPERLY ADDRESS YOU IN ACCORDANCE WITH ITS FORMAL ROLE)

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Throttle Collar w/ attached Gas…

1 Helpful

JulieJuice August 3, 2013

LOL rip-off!!! cant believe all u ppl sucking this guys dick. says everywhere in product descript. (and you guys reviews!!) that custom sizing is no additl. cost but mine cost more!! only small alteration to titty holes cause of my cleave situation. bullshit. not buying from him again.

Response from J

Hi again Julie. If you check our many enlightening inbox conversations from 7/5-7/16 you will be reminded the additional cost was due to your request of more ring hinge insertions as the standard amount in pattern block “was not bling enough”. Cleavage was irrelevant. Sizing related alterations are always no added cost. Custom alterations requiring additional materials/effort and adjusted pricing will always be discussed and approved on client end before any exchange of payment.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Hexagon Restrictor Harness…

HELPFUL?

HannahCakes! Jun 1, 2013

Hey Whats Up I’m Caleb (obviously don’t have an etsy) and using my lady’s account. She got the catsuit for my birthday and she looked so sexy like J-Lo or someone. Didn’t want her doin the latex stuff because I thought shed have to shave off all her pubes and personally i like that kind of thing a lot but no harm done. Anyway she was super sexy and the suit thing looked good and stayed together even when we started rockin. To other full bush guys out there if youre girl wants to wear the latex stuff SHE CAN KEEP HER BUSH she just has to use lube to oil up the bush that she has.

Purchased item: DeMarco FetishWear – Domina Catsuit w/ Pussycat Zipper (red…

7 Helpful

HannahCakes! 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Caleb Review

Hi J,

Saw my boyfriend’s 6/1 review and I was like uh ohhh. I asked him to leave one because he went gaga over the catsuit, but I wasn’t expecting all the bush stuff. If you don’t want to be associated with that and want to delete, that’s ok on my end. A little embarrassing! – Hannah!

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Hi Hannah. Please don’t worry about it, any positive review is welcome. His feedback has apparently hit a chord with some specific hesitations and concerns buyers have been experiencing but not confiding with me, so I plan on keeping it up for the time being. Enjoy your garment.

JoeyoftheHerd 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Moo-cow snout muzzle thing – (idea i had)

Hi. Is this idea good

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Hi Joey. Are you interested in a custom cow muzzle/mask, like the pup play masks on my page or are you just brainstorming for personal reasons?

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd 3 months ago Friend Ignore

idk it’s just an idea i had

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 3 months ago Friend Ignore

It’s a cool idea

Reply from JoeyoftheHerd 3 months ago Friend Ignore

Thanks man i thought so 2

1234Brett10093456 3 months ago Friend Ignore

I REMEMBER YOU FROM RAWHIDE

JULES yes I know who you are and I know your name are you scared yet?? I remember when you used to hang with Roscoe out at Rawhide because Roscoe pretended to hire you because he secretly wanted to fuck and suck you till you cried and I saw all that. I have brown flippy hair, blue eyes and am tall/cut versatile but lean TOP. I know you faked being gay. You heard of bi-now-gay-later but have you heard of gay-then-straight-betrayer (you)? That is fucked up that you still sell stuff but pretend to be a gay guy because that makes your stuff sell better because the gay guys want to fuck you. I know you are faking because my muscle bud Tomas (latino) saw you making out with a ginger chick at the wet bar in Entrance last week. He said it was probably a joke but I know it wasn’t because he said he saw tongue. I wont let you be a breeder without a fight. I am willing to tell EVERYBODY YOURE SECRET. But I wont if you prove to me YOU CAN STILL BE GAY. Im attaching a pic of my cock so you know im not lying and can follow through. I will only believe YOU ARE GAY if we can see each other face/face (i can host only on fri- I have two roommates) and our cocks have to touch and you have to stay hard for at least five minutes while I suck and jack your cock and tongue your balls (shave or dont i will leave that up to you). condoms ok but if you want to be a breeder so bad maybe I will just breed your ass but if youre actually a gay guy you’ll like it and cum thick ropes as I fuck your dirty little slut hole and youll tell me youre a hole while I fuck it with the shiny precum head of my cut fucking cock (7inches erect). you will smell my hole and BECOME GAY again IT WILL HAPPEN - Brett Costino

TheSteelyDanMan 2 months ago Friend Ignore

Latex & Breastfeeding Concerns

Good morning, J I hope you are well. Returning customer, here. My kajira/wife and I are splinter Gor lifestylers (NOT KAOTIANS) [link] but are currently isolated due to our deviation from standard kajira beautification ideals and the arrival of our first child (girl - Gemma) two months ago. My wife’s submission has usually been expressed fashion-wise in various strict latex outfits, a few of which you have kindly provided us over the past couple of years. Naturally, the arrival of a mini-me results in some changes! My wife, insecure after birth, wants to return to strict full-coverage latex, but this desire is at odds with her physical situation of actively nursing Gemma and we both have worries. Does the constriction of latex effect or otherwise harm milk production, or could secondhand latex exposure harm our baby? I imagine you have catered to many lifestyle situations where this might be relevant so I thought I would ask. Thanks very much. LEO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 2 months ago Friend Ignore

Hi Leo. While I have catered to many lifestyles, I’m afraid I must exercise discretion in this situation, as it would be on par with giving medical advice. I will say any allergy is a possibility and one should exercise undue care with a very young infant, not just in matters of latex. I highly encourage you and your wife to discuss this with her doctor as frankly as possible. In the long run it might be worth reevaluating aspects of your wife’s submission and temporarily making do with latex pieces that do not restrict the breasts, while nursing is a part of her daily reality (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you examples are available on my page). Best of luck and congratulations on the new addition to your family.

NoraBarnacle 2 months ago Friend Ignore

A sincere offer…

Several months ago, I bought a pair of latex gauntlet gloves from your shop. Since then, astonishing changes have come over me. I used to be high-powered, highly controlled, a formidable woman (natural ash blond, green eyes, 45”-40”-44”) I was determined to keep these feelings to myself, but I can no longer resist, as I wholeheartedly believe your Dominating spirit, imbued in the gauntlets, is leading me forcefully but masterfully into your care. If it pleases you, know I have not touched my aching slit for one month total as I am uncertain whether you desire me to feel pleasure that is not approved by you. There are no images of you on your site, but I have drawn an accurate picture of you in my mind and I know you are the Man that I never knew I was waiting for, the Man who will lead me, the Man who will hold my neck and strike my forehead to his knee in his insistence that I allow myself to be led. When I wear the gauntlets, they are your own gallant hands restricting my weak bones. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I can no longer resist. I do not desire to resist. Please message back so I can properly present my acquiescence, body and soul, unto you. I squat disgracefully on my plump thighs, full of whorish tremor that makes me unworthy, but still I desire. I will service your home with my ardent hands and service your thick and striving cock with my wet tongue. Respond to this small soul. I submit to your gallant wisdom – A Secret Admirer

RicoMetals 1 month ago Friend Ignore

Redhead Modle in Pic for Serve Her Serrated Corselette

Hey man-to-man who is she. I love redheads. Does she modle for other people/would she modle for my pieces? there’s no head in the pick – what’s her nose situation? we could all do collab and I think it would be hot. Let me kno - RICO

Reply from DeMarco FetishWear 1 month ago Friend Ignore

Hi Rico. I have not blocked you (yet) because said model wanted me to reply to you first and inform you, she’s already an established performer in her own right and does not want to model for a guy who “thinks I need some sissy seamstress to pimp me out to shitty welders online”. As I only have basic welding experience, I can offer no further comment or defense on your behalf.

DerryBerry454 1 month ago Friend Ignore

Inquiry re: standard leather sleep-sack dimensions

Hello Miss J, quick question:

I will buy this item no hesitation no delay if you tell me right now about your vagina. Questions I prioritize:

1. Color labia (outer)

2. Color labia (inner – aroused)

3. Clit length in centimeters or whatever measurement is most flattering to you

4. Range of clit engorgement

5. Depth of vaginal canal (I will allow ballpark figure as I know not everyone has graded speculums lying around)

6. Percentage of clit orgasms v. vaginal orgasms – bonus points if you describe uterine orgasm, if that is your experience (no pressure to answer last part, as I understand it is not necessarily vagina-adjacent)

7. Are you hairy? What color?

8. When you wash your vagina do you douche or do you use fingers to rub through labia folds and that is it?

9. Color of menstrual blood

10. If you wear panties, do you find the crotch of your panties degrades due to PH of your vaginal discharge? (give me the qualities and I will calculate this for you)

While a picture of your vagina is welcome (and will only be for my private use) I really do like gathering these stats (I’m kind of a nerd) and would appreciate as much openness on your behalf as possible and you will benefit too because I’ll give you money for your lovely product. Talk to you soon! 😊

B O A R D

[RUBBERVALLEY FIENDS THREAD 3/3 2006-PRESENT] TOPICS: 850 POSTS: 10,356

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Hey people, we’ve reached the end of the summer and you know what that means – Ivan himself of the halls of Rubber Valley presents inaugural post of their annual sweeps week filming extravaganza – first photoset already up and we’ve got the goddamn brilliant LYDIA SUCKS sons! The greatest bitch on the face of the planet almost psyched us out but she’s here she’s low and she’s ready to blow. Vid upload will probably take till tomorrow to render but we’ve got some great pic galleries already. Ivan really spoiling us pigs lmfao. Seeing lots of setup and dress-up and behind scenes stuff for yall candid pervs. We’ve got full body latex and face coverage hoods and I see a breathing tube and the barn inversion setup. Possible inverted ceiling fuck? The boys can dream. Links to download pics results in PERMABAN – only official links to Rubber Valley site allowed, don’t know how often I have to say it. You want to pass ripped screenshots you do that through email *casts pearls before swine*

GOBgobGOB: no pic of lyds upside down yet ☹

LordJim: Not interested until I see Ivan haul out the FuckRacers from two years ago – wonder why he doesn’t bring those around more often? Great view stats on current vids and who doesn’t like a fat ass getting auto-fucked while she steers the go-cart supine?

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao all views are you bro

GOBgobGOB: D I R E C T H I T

SUCKPUNTER: hey lordjim where’d you learn the word supine

LordJim: Yeah “laugh out loud” very funny guys.

SUCKPUNTER: did you learn it at college

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Lydia looks gr8 folks. Queen pristine and ready to cream. SUCKPUNTER – chill out because I’ve got my eye on you. Don’t take the bait Jim. You’re like thirty.

SUCKPUNTER: at least I don’t get off on bitches doing the pinewood derby

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: LYDIA!

GOBgobGOB: LYDIA!!!

McLovin: LYDIA LYDIA LYDIA

TheWorldofMartinAmis: Goddess. Wish she’d get her boobs done though.

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: same! I’ve been waiting for years for her to get into xtreme body mod. Right up her alley. If she’s at EXXXOTICA EXPO next year I’m going to try to get her meet and greet and ask. I know tattoo guys who’d pay HER to give her first tat.

McLovin: Lydia wouldn’t go. She’s like indie transgressive.

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): nice to see you again lockSTOCK. I see your POV but Lydia has several interviews where she says most of her viewers see her bod as a clean palate in the art of pain – as in, wounds have to go away in order for us to appreciate a fresh ruining ; ) tats and huge implants are a little tougher to work around. Anyway in my mind you can fix bad tits but you can’t fix bad attitude

ThatOneFootGuy: id suck her feet

McLovin: woah fuck 4th latex pic in dressing series with her mouth open and her eyes shut – who the lube guy with his arm right down her front?

SUCKPUNTER: lol hand clear to her pussy and hes not even hard faggot

McLovin: scope the ginger amazon in the background with camera – new girl? Don’t recognize. Didn’t know Ivan was bringing new people around this year’s sweeps.

LordJim: I wondered too when I saw. I’m sure DungeonMaster mod understands if I copy/paste following from Ivan (no pics, text w/actress info):

Newcomers are always welcome in RUBBER VALLEY (especially if they’re lovely, and especially if they’re ladies!) and this old goat is pleased to welcome DOMME LUX, our friendly neighbor down south in that little town called Chicago. Mysterious as she is alluring, you’ll see her shining light sampling tidbits of delight off our Valley Girls throughout the uploads this month (or even taking a crack at a couple!) We’re just getting to know her, but I have a feeling she’s a generous gal at heart as she kindly offered us the services of her Personal Valet, Jules DeMarco, who himself spoiled us all year with devious latex devices for our steadfast daring dollies after the unfortunate 2012 passing of our beloved torture designer Merrick Marvel (memoriam post 03/04/2012). Check out Jules’s Half-Bag Breast Mummifier in scheduled post 7/22 (Heather Bunny in the inverted Wench Wrench) the diabolical Arachnae-Hood (Lacey Jane, spinning in our trusty Landscape(her) Rolling Pin 7/16) and the Double-Fuck Full Body Boa Binder with eerie inflatable bubble hood (Lydia Sucks, finale post 7/31, don’t miss it, SUBSCRIBE). I must confess, we took advantage - the poor fella ran himself ragged helping us with film prep all week. So as an apology we let him get up close and personal with Rubber Valley’s reigning heroine LYDIA SUCKS fitting her in a custom four-limb black latex catsuit with half-face hood, made especially for her brave beautiful bod. He takes a good long time greasing her up before Ivan and Barry get her hoisted and joisted and in her best bitch-bat position among the rafters of the exalted Rubber Valley barn, where we leave her to squirm in terror! (but let’s get real – what scares Lydia? We’re wracking our brains!) Uh-oh, is Domme Lux looking jealous in the background? Is she plotting a little comeuppance for our Lovely Lady Lydia? Only one way to find out – SUBSCRIBE!

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): Np lordjim, if you hadn’t posted I was going to. Looks like we’ve got fresh meat in the valley.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: very pretty girl, but always bummed when a new one turns out to be top. Call me old fashioned, I come to the Valley for slaves.

SUCKPUNTER: firecrotch

GOBgobGOB: brb too busy crankin it. milky gingerbread titties come to daddy

McLovin: @TheWorldofMartinAmis, Ivan always has at least one femdom around. Room for everybody in the valley

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: holy shit I know that guy.

SUCKPUNTER: lmfao faggots know faggots

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: no for real. His real name is Jules Marinelli. I worked with him one summer lifeguarding beaches for the park’s district. Our boss found his website where he sells his sex stuff, and it was this whole big thing. Found the kink club Entrance through that (check it out if you’re in my hood ever – huge, clean, not too much gay shit, great ladies of all stripes hanging around, but limits on drinking if you’re trying to access certain levels). He’s bi. He’s either secretly Domme Lux’s slave or Domme Lux is his slave and it’s mega on the DL because it’d hurt her career if it got out she could ‘verse. There’s all this gossip.

SUCKPUNTER: bi guys r fags

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): SUCKPUNTER – that’s strike one. lockstock – not deleting your post because from what I can see JDM doesn’t/isn’t acting in explicit scenes, but let’s cool it with doxxing info. Looks like he’s had an experience with that before, and as a small business owner myself, I know how it can suck. We aren’t gossiping high school girls. Settle back and enjoy what Ivan gives us.

GOBgobGOB: *sees dudes in the chat and stops jacking off*

LockSTOCK2FUCKINGBARRELS: NP mod, feel free to delete it later before it causes problems.

TheWorldofMartinAmis: going back to previous discussion – don’t think a breast job automatically constitutes body modification

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): think about it martinamis, it’s a slippery slope – you want to see some swollen battered fish get destroyed, or a fresh natural girl get destroyed?

SUCKPUNTER: i am not a faggot and a whore’s a whore and im here to see whores fucking destroyed

GOBgobGOB: *tony soprano voice* she was a HOOOOER

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt all whores get fucked

LordJim: Mod, step up. This isn’t going to get better. With all due respect

SUCKPUNTER: fag or cunt ALL WHORES GET FUCKED

DungeonMaster (MOD 2): yeah, already done. That should be the last of him. Don’t know why I expected that situation to turn out differently.

FROM: [email protected]

TO: [email protected]

Subject: Debrief – valley week

Jules,

As discussed, attached is current info for my old webmaster service from when I had to run my own fansite. Decent price and decent vendor system. Can only be an improvement on what you have now. That is not an insult, but I know it sounds like one. Stay with me.

[link] [link] [link]

And above, the top three most trafficked boards I’ve found following my own career and the rubber valley gang. We’ve caused quite a stir already and its only July 15th. I wouldn’t count on this causing an uptick in your business, but I think you know that. The standard gentleman at home spending twenty bucks a month for guaranteed links to a woman being fucked inside out while wearing a sensory deprivation hood simply doesn’t translate him to spending 100-200 dollars, contacting a seller, taking measurements, and going through the effort to order he and his special girly the hood itself. But I know you believe you’ve chosen your life the same way I believe I’ve chosen my life and won’t whine. I will say, if your ego is bruised, that your clothes are wonderful. They feel maybe half like death. I’ll wear them again and again.

On a funnier note: I have accounts myself on all the above message boards and post semi-regularly. It might amuse you to do the same thing, but you need to be careful regarding your identity. Feedback from viewers is never relevant, but it needs to be pure (don’t ask me why – my brains are fucked out). I won’t tell you who I am, and you won’t tell me who you are. Maybe we’ll find each other.

I wouldn’t tell your Cathy, since some sensitive (if inaccurate) information is flying around. Your instinct towards privacy, while cute and old fashioned, is an apt instinct. Looks like the good people of Chicago can’t keep their fucking mouths shut. Will you be able to find a straight job if your work now goes up like a dead dog’s gut? Don’t despair. Your nice long cock dropped so well down my throat while your Cathy beat my clit with the edge of your belt (nice touch – whose idea was that?) so while you might not get another chance to perch in a lifeguard’s throne, you might very well have a future in film. You’re vigorous, discrete, disciplined, clean, and a cutie-pie. Have your Cathy make some films of you alone or you two together. It’ll excite her, so you have no choice but to be excited yourself. You’re excited reading this. You believe you chose this.

Anyway – Cathy! Don’t be insulted on her behalf. I loved playing with you both. She’s kind and a lot of fun, which are virtues I still let myself appreciate in others. Let her know I appreciate how she let me use you. She’s a good girl and has a good future in store, especially with her personal valet running her life. Pick her outfits, pick her makeup, pick her clients, pick her laundry soap – is it already like that? I want to be buried alive, but you want to be buried in chores. Please dream big, Jules.

Rubber valley is where I have the most fun out of all the shoots I have in a year, but I really was lucky that you two showed up. Poor old Merrick Marvel (not even that old – colon cancer). But out with him and in with you. I enjoyed our river talk and I felt very safe in the car with you at the wheel, though I know I tormented you a little (but I’m pretty sure Cathy helped you out later with that – will you write back to me what she did to you, and if she let you come?) At one point you were with Ivan in the garage, and I tried to have a little talk with her about oblivion, but she either understood my point and got scared, or simply didn’t understand. It’s unfortunate, kind of soul-sucking, how our dominant “loved ones” transform into necessary evils. Adjust the tube. Grasp the handle. Move the thigh. Use the vocal cord to form the order. But what do they know? I never knew how to explain.

I’ve attached some personal pictures of me. I like knowing that you have them. I won’t contact you again except under strict business purposes, so let me sum up. Serve Cathy well. Don’t let her get bullied. Flourish creatively. Keep that belt. Fuck as often as your body commands you to fuck (if I suspect that sometimes your body is Cathy’s body by proxy, then this number will double, perhaps triple, but the choice is out of your hands because she owns your cock). You have a lot of growing up to do. Don’t despair. More to come.

We won’t see each other soon, but we’ll see each other again. Ciao!

I expect improvements.

XOXOXOXOXOXOX

Lydia S

#SAFEWORLD #unto itself but also sneak peek at rubber valley sequence #inspired solely by all the fetishwear providers on etsy that exist #Jules being relentlessly sexually harassed on the internet: this is normal and doesn't bother me. guess im built different

3 notes · View notes

ofmargos · 4 years ago

Text

chicago’s very own margo rosas has been spotted on madison avenue , with a striking semblance to camila mendes ! you may know them as @margo or hitting the front page of tmz as margo rosas is making her comeback on broadway ! according to tmz , you just had your twenty-third birthday bash . your chance of surviving new york is uncertain because you’re overdramatic , but being passionate might help you . things that would paint a better picture of you would be the sound of stilettos hitting the pavement , the thunderous sound of applause , and having the poise of a well-mannered lady but the mouth of a sailor . ( cis female + she / her )

omg hey y’all it’s ya girl lia back at it again with the broadway b*tch herself , margo ! fun fact : i’ve been writing for margo off n on for THREE years ?? that’s wild . no matter what i do i cannot get rid of this muse akjsdnk but i love her and i hope y’all do too ! under the cut is far too much info on her ( i’m sorry it’s long !! ) pls go ahead and give this post a like if you give me consent to come bug you in the im’s / discord ! <3

*+:｡.｡ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 ｡.｡:+*

–;; 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞: Margaret Lucia Rosas – ;; 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞(𝐬): Margo ( preferred name ), Mars, Mar, Pain in the Ass, Drama Queen – ;; 𝐀𝐠𝐞: Twenty-Three – ;; 𝐃.𝐎.𝐁: 31 October 1997 – ;; 𝐙𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜: Scorpio sun, scorpio moon, leo asc ( yikes ) – ;; 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫: Cis Female – ;; 𝐎𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Bisexual Biromantic – ;; 𝐇𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 5ft 2 – ;; 𝐁𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞: Chicago, IL – ;; 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬: Luxurious apartment in Manhattan – ;; 𝐎𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Singer / Songwriter + Broadway Performer ( Julia Michaels VC ) – ;; 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐬: Passionate, creative, dramatic, distrusting, outgoing, ambitious, fun-loving, loyal, daring, sarcastic, stubborn, overconfident, impulsive, hard-working, petty, secretive, short-tempered, vindictive

*+:｡.｡ 𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐘 ｡.｡:+*

*TW: undiagnosed illness, death

grew up as an only child in chicago, illinois. her family was definitely in the middle class but her parents both worked hard to provide their pride and joy with everything she could’ve wanted out of life

and it became apparent early on that what margo wanted was to perform. she was always singing around the house, putting on one-woman shows for her parents, and following along to the choreography of her favorite DCOM on tv. and in order to keep her satisfied, and also out of the house while they were both working, her parents threw her into an abundance of performing arts classes: ballet, tap, and jazz classes + singing lessons + acting workshops-- you name it. it was a very expensive hobby but her parents were willing to put in the extra work hours to fund her passions

she honestly grew up blissfully unaware of the sacrifices her parents were making on her behalf. they just never made her feel like she was inconveniencing them in any way. if she wanted to spend her day turn acting, singing, and dancing then so be it. they supported her emotionally and financially 100%

*ILLNESS TW* but the rose-tinted glasses were ripped from her eyes around the age of fourteen / fifteen. her mom had always had a weak immune system-- the first one to catch a cold or the flu, knocking her on her ass and leaving her bedridden for days at a time. it only got worse as years went on and she avoided doctor appointments out of fear of being charged unnecessary costly fees. she downplayed her compromising situation for as long as she could until she physically couldn’t carry on any more and had to stop going to work

margo and her father urged the stubborn woman to seek medical attention for any sort of relief for months until she finally conceded. soon it became the new norm for her mother to be in and out of hospitals, getting tests done, trying various medications. but nothing helped in the long-term and they were unable to come to a strict diagnosis *ILLNESS TW END*

and she had been right, it was terribly expensive. their funds were short considering the family was down to one income. so margo took on more responsibilities by working part-time jobs as well as going to school. she was sixteen and teaching dance lessons at her childhood studio in exchange for a small amount of pay + free lessons as well as working at a local movie theatre 6 days a week. she cut back on extracurricular lessons to save some money, instead pouring all her creative energy into only school related clubs such as choir, theatre, and so on

honestly, if you knew margo in high school you’d likely not even know about her familial situation. she liked to keep her cards close to her chest and portrayed herself as this larger than life character that no one would believe had experienced any hardships. she distracted from her own worries by playing the role of ‘queen bee’ or more accurately rachael berry from glee ( a cursed character at this point but it’s true unfortunately )

margo had big dreams of making it to broadway one day and had planned to get there by going to college in new york and make a name for herself. but with her mother’s healthy declining the closer margo got to graduation, the more put off she was by the idea of moving away from home. she was willing to put all plans for her future on hold and take care of her mother but her parents wouldn’t let her. being as encouraging as ever, they convinced her that she needed to follow her dreams. she had already given up a majority of her teenage years to help them out when they needed it most. they wouldn’t let her miss out on anything else

so with a heavy heart but on a good scholarship, she left for columbia university without any idea of what to expect. new york was a whole new world for her and she was thrown off by how talented, beautiful, and wealthy her peers were. she had felt like a big fish in a really small pond during her high school days. but for once she was a tiny fish in the big wide ocean

her larger than life persona came back into play-- masking her worries and insecurities with a version of herself that was so confident that she even began to fool herself. she got a bit lost in the fantasy. her true self-slipping away. she almost had this alter ego ??? ( come thru hannah montana moment okay ) wannabe starlet rubbing elbows with the future CEOs and celebrities of the world by day and local pizza parlor waitress by the night, working to make a decent living while also sending money back home when she could

she also had to maintain good grades to keep her scholarship and participate in performances that her department put on in order to rise in the ranks

honestly the only time she got a little peace was when she was hanging out with her few GOOD friends. like the people that actually got to know her past her fake personality. they were also music people so they spent a lot of time together just messing around with instruments and vocals and writing songs in their own little makeshift studio / hangout spot

it started off as just fun and games, but with their help margo created some original songs and released them as an indie artist. she put herself out there on her social media profiles like “hey stream my new single!!!!!!” and people ate it up. after releasing a few tracks and establishing her own following, her music eventually got to the right people and she was given the opportunity to sign to an actual label which was wild ???

and while it was an amazing opportunity, releasing music under the label was also very demanding. when she was releasing music from the comfort of her friend’s studio it was purely a fun creative outlet and done on her own time. it was just... rough. but how could she complain when she was making a name for herself in the music industry + making bank from royalties + getting to meet all these cool famous people and go to parties with them and y’know ... spiral and slack off on other responsibilities

*DEATH TW* it was around her junior year that things started to go from bad to worse. she remembers exactly where she was and what she was doing when she got the call from her dad informing her of her mom’s extended stay in the hospital. things weren’t looking too good. there wasn’t anything they could do for the older lady and honestly she was done fighting. margo flew back home to chicago immediately and stayed at her childhood home for the following weeks until her mother passed. it was absolutely devastating. she stayed in chicago with her dad for months as they worked through their grief together *DEATH TW END*

columbia was pretty understanding of her situation and was willing to be accommodating so she could finish her degree plan, but margo put things off for so long that she eventually just withdrew from the university and was dead set on just living in chicago forever

i’m not gonna lie, margo was down and out for a little while. didn’t talk to anyone really, rarely left the house, stopped making music, and just sorta fell off completely. the only good thing that came out of the year or so that she spent back home was she stepped away from the false reality she created for herself in new york, which helped her realize that she didn’t love the person she was becoming or the things she was doing. she wasn’t even really involved with her one true passion which was theatre / acting

it was with a little boost from her dad ( literally her biggest fan , i love this man okay ) that she started acting like herself again. he told her that her mom wouldn’t want her to give up on everything and neither would he. so with a new found determination ( and a pretty exciting career opportunity ), margo put on her big girl pants and moved her ass back to new york to finally do what she loves to do

and here we are now ! she’s stepping into her break-out role onto broadway as lydia deetz in bettlejuice the musical

she’s only been back in new york for a few months at this point i’d say ??? and i can’t wait to see her come into her own and grow into the margo i know and love ... but also hate because she’s so so dumb :-) <3

*+:｡.｡ 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 & 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒｡.｡:+*

she has no chill, probably will never have any chill, and i am sorry for that ASJNDLK she’s just overdramatic as hell !!! she’s a theatre kid at heart and i would expect absolutely nothing less from her

generally good-natured though and has good intentions. just simply has piss-poor execution sometimes

down to clown and ready to have a good time all the time all in the name of enjoying life to its fullest while we all have a chance

the only thing she takes seriously is her work life. she’s on her grind okay, it took a lot for her to get to where she is today and she’s not going to just let it slip away that easily. she’s doing everything she can to make not only herself proud but her parents :’-)

still releases her own music under the label but her primarily focus is on her budding broadway career and the label is understanding of that ... mostly because she called an executive meeting ( against her manager’s better judgement ) and was super up front and threatened to walk out if they didn’t see reason ... but at least things worked out well !!!

she mostly writes songs for other people at this point in her career. some big names too ( just like ... google julia michael’s career and apply it to margo okay thank u )

honestly her management teams worst nightmare simply because she does not listen and will do whatever she wants and post whatever she wants and will not apologize for being her authentic self in media

like, she’s just starting to figure out who she is again and they want her to stop and act fake because she’s not being very “family-friendly” or because it doesn’t make her “look good to the public” ??? nah f*ck that !

while she is sociable and fun-loving, she’s also hard to seriously get to know sometimes because of all those years of putting up a front. like sometimes she doesn’t even realize that she’s not being 100% genuine ??? so you could be hanging out with her every single day and still not know her completely and she might not open up and that’s okay, she’s working on it

she is a pretty good friend tho ! super loyal, a true ride or die, will want to fight anyone that you have a problem with, showers you in compliments and gifts, truly 10 / 10

but if she doesn’t like you or if you’ve mistreated her in any way at all she will in fact hold it against you for the rest of her life. just petty as a mf and i hate her for it like sis pls leT SH*T GO !!!!

didn’t grow up rich so now that she’s making bank she’s one of those people that just buys dumb things just because she can ??? the size of her closet is absolutely ridiculous, just overflowing with clothes and accessories, and the amount of random packages that get delivered to her apartment that she doesn’t even remember ordering is even more so ... just ... irresponsible spender

stubborn ?? what is compromising ??? doesn’t know her but will try ( begrudgingly ) if she really likes you

hates being bored. can and will go to excessive lengths to avoid boredom

partygirl margo has not stopped, will not stop, and cannot be stopped much to my own disappointment

self-proclaimed dancing queen. really puts all those years of classical dance training to good use by hopping on top of tables / countertops at parties to shake some ass

surprisingly a responsible adult that can cook and clean and get shit done when she really puts her mind to it ??? this developed over the years that her mom was sick and bedridden and she stepped up to take care of household chores while her dad worked doubles

very family-oriented and talks to her dad all the time. like, calls him daily for really dumb reasons. any time she feels down the first person she wants to talk to is him ( well it’s actually her mom, who was her best friend in the whole world, but since she’s not here anymore they make do as just the two of them )

her ego is LARGE. GRANDE. thinks very highly of herself as a result of being praised too much as a child probably. not to mention she is very very good at what she does, has more talent in her little pinky then i do in my whole body. she’s secretly insecure on the inside but she presents as an overconfident bad bitch

a staple to her character that i wish she would shake is her inability to handle her own feelings in a healthy way ... she just sorta ... shuts down ?? runs away ?? acts like nothing is happening ?? it’s bad. would rather leave than get left and bottle up all her feelings and kick them under the bed then ever open up

has a terrible sleeping pattern and cannot stay on a solid sleep schedule to save her life. undiagnosed insomniac. when her mind just won’t calm down she often goes out to keep her occupied and avoid any overthinking that might occur when she’s in her own company

her life motto is #YOLO and does a lot of stupid sh*t because of it

probably uses tiktok too much both as a consumer and a content creator. vlogs her backstage experiences and also just posts dumb, amusing things

this is so long i’m sorry if you read this whole thing i just have a lot of feelings about her after writing her for so many years AKJSDK i’ll shut up now BYE

i have margo’s wc page HERE but just some ideas are best friends, frenemies, confidants, fellow music people, party friends, pr friends or pr rivals, crushes, on and off again, exes, roommate, childhood friends, family friends, good influence, bad influence, honestly truly anything and everything PLS i love to plot and write w/ all of you ! <3

#wealthyhq:intro #i finally finished this so imma post it #pls love my baby 🥺

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saibh29 · 5 years ago

Text

Minor Head Trauma (part 4)

Pairing: Will Halstead x Reader

Warnings: Swearing (my old friend), Drug...

AN: I’m not a doctor, please don’t think my medical advice etc is in any way accurate. Also i’m not American and haven’t been to Chicago so I apologise if my geography or depiction isn’t right.

When an old friend of Ethan Choi show’s up in Chicago ED she’s about to make life very uncomfortable for Will Halstead

Part One Part Two Part Three

******

Whatever it was that Daniel had taken was vicious, the young boy suffered like hell coming through the withdrawal stage and at one point you’d seriously been convinced that he was going to vomit out his whole stomach.

He had come through it though and he was looking much better.

“You going to tell me what the hell made you inject yourself with that shit?”

“You going to stop yelling at me?”

“No”

Daniel wriggled uncomfortable in his bed. “I had no choice”

“You already said that part, why didn’t you have any choice?”

“They didn’t believe me…” he trailed off and his eyes shot to the entrance of the cubicle he was in. The ED wasn’t a private place and the people Daniel worked for weren’t big on their minions spilling their secrets, or not if those people wanted to keep living anyhow. “My loyalty was up for discussion”

Fuck. “Daniel, you were meant to come to me”

“I did”

“Before you were injected with who knows what”

“I fucked up” he rang his hands together going back to looking like a young boy. “Sorry, Y/N”

Getting up from the massively uncomfortable plastic ED chair you gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. “We’ll fix it” you smiled at him encouragingly, you had no idea how you were going to fix it, but, you would fix it the alternative just wasn’t worth thinking about. “You got somewhere to stay tonight?” when he didn’t answer you got your answer. “alright, I'm going to sort you a shelter. Just… just stay there alright?”

“Sure”

Leaving Daniel alone you shut the door of his cubicle behind you spotting Will over at the Doctor’s station scribbling on some paperwork. He waved you over when he saw you.

“I need you to sign these” spinning the forms around you quickly scanned the documents. Will really had put your name to all of the tests that Daniel had needed. It was a huge amount of trust he was putting in you, not to mention that what he was doing could essentially loose him his license.

You scribbled your signature to the forms.

“Will” he looked at you. “Thank you. You’ve probably saved his life again with that”

Will was still staring at you carefully. “Just what unit of the military are you Y/N?”

One side of your mouth kicked up into a small smile. “Just thought about asking that have you? Sorry Dr Halstead but if I told you, well, I’d have to kill you” As you’d guessed that made Will smile and shake his head at you. Hell, if only he knew just how close to the truth that statement had been. “How long does Daniel have to stay? I need to sort him out a shelter for the night”

“A couple more hours. Just till that final fluid runs through”

“And you?”

“How long do I have to stay?” he clarified, continuing when you nodded. “I don’t, it’s not my shift. I'm only here for… for Daniel”

He’d been about to say something else just then, to say that he was here for someone other than Daniel. You both knew that; however, it was much easier to simply ignore the stutter before he’d settled on Daniel. What you could do though was be the one to extend an invitation this time.

“I don’t have to be back on the base either, want to grab a drink?”

“A drink?”

“Yeah, you know… normally alcohol of some sort. We’ll chat, maybe play pool where I’ll let you win to protect your manly sense of pride”

“What makes you think I need you to let me win?”

“Seriously Halstead? You spent how many years studying to be a Doctor? 7? It probably didn’t give you all that long to hang out in bars and play pool, I on the other hand have spent most of my time since I was 18 hanging out with a bunch of soldiers who have nothing but time on their hands. Not to mention the legal drinking age difference in our countries gives me a 3-year head start”

“You’re younger than me, cancels out the age difference”

“and the studying?”

“Maybe I was a bad student” Will leant over the desk putting his face close to your own. “Ever think of that?”

“That you’re bad?” biting your lip you let your eyes travel up and down the parts of his body that you could see, there were idea’s in his eyes that you’d love to take him up on. Maybe not on the reception desk of the Doctor’s station though. “I need to find a shelter for Daniel”

“I’ll start his discharge papers”

****

You’d dropped Daniel off at the shelter that had a bed closest to Chicago Med and then followed Will when he’d recommended a bar close to the hospital that a lot of the staff went to. You’d even let him buy you the first drink, after all, there was something to be said for letting a guy be a gentleman every now and again.

“You going to give me any hints?” Will asked when you’d both gotten a table near the back of the bar and he’d put your drink down in front of you.

“About what?”

“Honestly?” his eyebrow rose “you’re not going to try the dumb blonde card”

“Well Doctor Halstead, for one thing I'm not blonde, and another some of the smartest women I know are blonde”

“You’re changing the subject”

“Picked up on that did you?” when he didn’t answer just continued to stare at you. “Look… my job, my unit, it’s complicated and its secretive. Please don’t ask me questions that make me start having to lie to you”

“Honesty”

“Yeah, honesty. I might not be able to answer your questions but I promise I won’t lie to you”

“You can’t tell me about Daniel?”

You thought about it for a moment. How much could you tell him, without endangering everything that your squad had been working towards.

“I can tell you he’s important” you offered. “He’s helping us and that help, it’s invaluable”

“Then I guess it’s alright”

“I'm sorry”

“For what?”

“Everything, I guess. I’ve kind of blasted into your life and within a week of knowing me you’ve committed fraud and possibly done something that could get your license to practise revoked. It’s a record even for me”

“Y/N…” he trailed off and your stomach clenched.

For some reason you’d really wanted him to contradict you, to say that it didn’t matter. Realistically you guessed people didn’t just accept things like what you’d asked Will to do, not unless you were in some sort of cheesy rom-com film anyway.

“It’s alright Will. I don’t expect you to just….”

“I hadn’t finished” he interrupted, reaching over he took hold of your hand, slowly releasing the fist you hadn’t even realised you’d been making. “I'm alright with it”

“You’re alright with it?”

“Surprisingly, yeah… I am”

“I don’t know how you could be”

The pressure on your hand increased as he got up, pulling you up as well and then further so you were in fact pressed against him. “Why don’t you let me decide what I'm ok with?”

“But…”

His spare hand came up to cover your mouth “You can stop talking now” when you finally nodded, he removed his hand and leaning down with time this time for you to change your mind he pressed his lips to your own.

You let your fingers tangle in the hair at the back of his neck as you raised yourself up onto your tiptoes.

“Alright Doctor” you spoke against his lips. “I spy a pool table over there. Care to make this evening interesting?”

“Bring it on”

*****

@lclb13 @moli1497 @clementines-x @the-chosen-one-time-lord @no-other-names-availible-blog @angelaiswriting @selldraug @angryares @thenovarose @georgiagrl1990 @punk-rock-5-sos @mindofthescattered @dontstopxx @iamabeautifulperson18 @madelinecraig03 @ka-x-in @im-hurric4ne @mesmericbell @something–awesome @weirdpotato-14 @putinontheritzz @soulslaststand @fuckthatfeeling @ember1201 @morganlb23 @kitkatbadass @tomhopperarms @fakingintrest @artprincessbree @dreamer-lover-laughter @artprincessbree @rime-warrior @captainvaneswife @jaib2-blog @kapolisradomthoughts @thingsandstuffienjoy @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @aya-fay @itsbubbaog @hp-hogwartsexpress @emmykinzs @thatbadassunicorn @sassywingednightmare @weirdnewbie @goyawriter @shipperfangirling @nathaliabakes @stillreadingfantasy @waywardblueshun

#chicago med #chicago md #chicago med imagine #chicago fanfic #one chicago #will halstead #will halstead x reader #will halstead x you #will halstead imagine #dr halstead #dr will halstead #halstead #halstead x reader #fanfic #imagine #you #reader fanfic #will halstead x fanfic

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atzfiles · 5 years ago

Text

getting to know jeong yunho

hi! i will be looking into yunhos natal chart and share some of the information i have gotten out of it! thanks to yunho, we know the exact time he was born! i am not entirely sure if the place of birth is that exact though. so as always, this is not 100% accurate and i am not saying i know everything about astrology. this is a hobby of mine which i taught myself.

Sun Aries

aries is the first sign of the zodiac which shows in their characters

they’re always first to start and always first to finish

aries people are natural athletes which, in my opinion, fits to yunho quite nicely

they cannot sit still for longer periods of time

their natural instinct is to use their bodies to get things done

they live a “simple” live, dont like long/drawn out moments and they also dont like planning ahead

aries sun are known for being direct, straightforward and uncomplicated

they also tend to live in the moment

whatever happens right now is most important to an aries

this trait can make them very impatient but also highly innovative

aries suns are also very brave

they dont like the long way to a goal, they need to take the quickest route

they also have some childlike qualities which makes them real charmers

yunho has a strong personality, entrepreneurial spirit, ambitious, self-willed and stubborn

possible downsides of an aries sun: very nervous, impulsive, wasteful, provoking and restless

Sun in V

yunho wants to be recognized for what he is doing

he has a lot of unique and special qualities and he wants people to pay attention to those

he has a flair for drama and sports (now we all know what sorta high school student he was lmao)

yunho is proud of the fact that he has such a positive outlook on life

expressing himself brings him happiness

he needs to be careful because sometimes those things can make him look like an attention seeker to others

188 Conjunction Sun in Mercury

he owns a lot of mental energy because his ego and mind are on the same level

yunho is very intelligent and he takes pride in that

he also loves to communicate with other people

he talks and expects others to listen but he himself can have a hard time listening to others, that doesnt mean he dominates every conversation

and here you can see yet again that he has great joy in expressing himself

he studies best when reading over the material rather than listening (to a teacher for example)

this also comes from the strong need to communicate

yunho cant listen and absorb information well, he has to act on it

he has his own opinions and those are set

very independent thinker

if not listened to, he can get quite butthurt

he also cant handle criticism too well when it comes to his own opinions

he has a very witty, bashful and playful sense of humor

272 Conjunction Sun in Jupiter

extremely generous, helpful, good-hearted, well-informed, friendly and possesses strong morals

seems like luck is always on his side

he attracts good and positive things like a magnet

yunho is not very competitive which, as a result, is the reason why a lot of people like him

he also loves to travel because he is interested in foreign places and people

he has a lot of faith in life and people

he does believe in orders and rules and generally dislikes people that tend to break the rules or even go against the law

very impatient with the wrong people around

he can be trusted very well, is sincere and is good at keeping promises

as mentioned before, very optimistic

laughs very easily

240 Sextile Sun in Neptune

very sensitive and dreamy

strong appreciation for music

he is naturally very compassionate

very open minded; realizes that there is more to the world than whats in front of his eyes

yunho is attracted to spiritual subjects which works in favor for musicians and artists

he can be taken advantage of because he feels strongly for those who are suffering

very humanitarian; adores animals

very imaginative, inspired and emotional

Moon in Gemini

people who have their moon in gemini tend to be very witty and charming

but they can also become very moody and irritable, especially at home or with family

very curious

a certain nervousness and worry are also known for lunar gemini

he needs way more stimulation than other people

there is a lot going on inside of him

here we can also see his urge to express himself again

lunar gemini think and talk a lot

they like their homes but tend to hate housework

yunho can get a bit messy

he does like improving his home though

re-organizing is something he seems to enjoy

very easily bored

is in touch with his own emotions but he can struggle with handling others complicated emotions

inside the family he is the one getting everyone together for a meeting

doesnt like repetitive routines

yunho likes having to do a lot of stuff

very sociable, friendly and talkactive

comfortable around a lot of people and can speak well in front of crowds

very open to new ideas

wants to talk about problems as soon as possible

sharp intellect

-57 Square Moon in Mercury

his head and heart get in the way of each other

he can be too emotional or too logical

can be very jealous and possessive

can sometimes feel the need to change partners quickly because he gets bored

imaginative sense of humor

can be hypersensitive because of mood swings

because of the what he talks, yunho tends to misrepresent himself

very happy when he can escape in his own little world

cant find his ideal world on the outside so he creates his own, imaginative world

loves drama but reacts negatively when he is the one getting criticism

Mercury in Pisces

soaks up feelings and moods from the people around him

which can affect his own mood quite drastically

very tactful, tries not to offend people

15 Trine Mercury in Lilith

can get quite provocative in communications

sees flaws very quickly

Venus in Taurus

likes sensual surroundings

looks like he would be a satisfying lover/partner

needs to be able to depend on his partner

can become very possessive of his partner

he needs “hands on” expressions of love

loyal

cant get pushed into a relationship

likes comfortable things

he needs a lot of time

his partner would need a lot of patience

“love arrives slowly, but with force”

Venus in VI

he wants to help sick and poor people all the time

wants a job in a medical or social setting

likes being of service to his partner

goes to extreme lengths so always be available for his partner

he isnt ‘showy’ with his love/bad at expressing it but much rather shows it by his availability, doing practical things for his partner or other thoughtful things

pays attention to small details

he is scared that, if the relationship he is currently in ends, he might not be able to find better

-224 Opposition Venus in Mars

from affairs over to full blown relationships; love is what gets this boy out of bed

this can get challenging in youth

he can have a hard time finding a relationship that meets his expectations

very creative

passion for romance is often channeled in his creative output

prone to have love-hate relationships (the fanfics have been right all along)

can get angry quickly but that anger disappears just as fast as it came

likes truth and justice

he never plays false, his sentiments are deep and sincere

might be into someone older because he appreciates peoples intelligence

-95 Square Venus in Neptune

his ideals are not always easy to achieve

easy going

yunho is in love with being in love

very romantic

can be a little too romantic; his romantic dreams might get shattered by the reality of relationships

sees what he wants to see rather than what really is

clings to romantic delusion which can be very dangerous and unhealthy

tends to devote his all to someone who is unreachable

he is also prone to loving someone who treats him badly all while he is clinging to an idealized image of his partner

he thinks that loving someone requires self-sacrifice

:((

Mars in Scorpio

likes to challenge himself to do the impossible

keeps his cool on the surface very well

does not let people in easily

scorpio in mars is known for having the strongest sexual stamina

even though he tends to dislike people who break the rules, he often fantasizes about breaking taboos

he like the scenario of their partner giving into them, wants his partner completely and will do absolutely anything for them

im sweating

his sexual appeal is strong enough to get what he wants

very jealous, doesnt want to share

doesnt find pleasure in compromises: needs to hear either yes or no

constantly tests himself and others

thinks that life isnt fair

Mars in XII

puts all of his energy into his working life

likes to research

jobs like a doctor, teacher, police officer would fit him well

he should try to give things a real shot instead of feeling defeated instantly

he can handle a lot of things by himself in his own unique ways

works more for others than himself

ignores his own needs and desires for others which secretly makes him very angry

takes time for him to warm up to a new sexual partner

likes to solve problems

likes to overcome obstacles

he sometimes can seem cold when he is in his work-mindset

-117 Square Mars in Uranus

tends to be eccentric and too headstrong, impatient

Jupiter in Aries

attracts good things in life

he is initiating, inspiring, enthusiastic and brave

likes doing things on his own

likes games

gets distracted easily

lucky in love and his profession

adores children

generous

yunho likes helping people in difficulty

Saturn in Taurus

dislikes greedy people

needs to learn that he is also deserving of good things in life

likes precision

a true worker

possesses all the necessary qualities to be successful in the medical field

Uranus in Aquarius

gets overly excited when starting a task but quickly loses interest

this can give others a banal impression of him

doesnt like routines

-10 Square Uranus Lilith

he can have difficulty finding a peaceful love life because he is the type to fall in love at first sight

seeks adventures which can be harmful to his relationship

Neptune in Aquarius

generosity

solves other peoples problems just to see them happy

cold facts are hard for him to absorb#

he can get quite nostalgic

Pluto in Sagittarius

love and sexuality are idealized

Ascendent in Scorpio

he has a lot of presence

their manners command respect and he lets people know he shouldnt get pushed around

very powerful and determined

he can look right through people which can make him very intimidating

he often gets confused when he earns such strong reactions from people though

yunho likes to read between the lines

values his privacy a lot, so much that it can even cause paranoia

he feels the strong urge to always be in control of his environment

he plans out every move very carefully and lets no one look into his plans

he is drawn to down to earth and natural partners on which he can rely on

he needs full commitment because flighty partners make his patience run thin

House II in Capricorn

he sees spending and making money as an adventure which can cause financial risks for him

nothing is left to a chance

likes to calculate his plans and dissects them slowly

House IV in Aquarius

he may leave the family home very early on

wants a life that is out of the ordinary

doesnt like traditions

House VIII in Gemini

this placement is known for making artistic people generally very successful

House X in Leo

great leadership qualities

the way he is seen by society grows more important to him as he gets older

wants surround himself with equally artistic/influentiual people

if you really read this far...god bless u lmao

i tried keeping this as short as possible, leaving out some constantly repetitive traits and placements and trying to combine his placements rather than to dive into each one individually. please dont forget that i am doing this purely out of fun and interest. My ask box/messages are always open if you want to talk or have questions! please also let me know which member you want me to analyze next :)

#ateez astrology #ateez #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez headcanons #yunho #jongho #seonghwa #yeosang #wooyoung #mingi #san #hongjoong

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kaffeinic · 5 years ago

Text

60 Question Tag Challenge!

I was challenged by @woo-for-woojin to answer all of these. To be fair, I challenged her first, but let’s not get into the details. Original post of questions by @roseyygf.

1: Selfie.

GAAAAAAAH I HATE THIS ALREADY SMH IM SO UGLY.

Lmao look at my fingers. What the hell is going on there?

2: What would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a joint decision, so I can’t say. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll want to have my own kids through childbirth. My family has a genetic disposition to difficulties during pregnancy. I might adopt.

3: Do you miss anyone?

A few people. Some of them I haven’t even met in person. I miss my BFF from school. I miss a few people online that I’ve fallen out of touch with. I’m always missing people. 😂

4: What are you looking forward to?

College, and moving out of my house. I’ve been itching to do both of these for years now.

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@hoshithehamster, @woo-for-woojin, @a-toxic-galaxy, my BFF from school, and my older sister. Also, I swear, @hoshithehamster and I are literally are always TALKING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS AND WE HAVE THE WEIRDEST, MOST FUN CONVERSATIONS EVER.

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Once I’ve gone all-in, yeah. When it’s a crush, not usually. I’m really slow to develop a crush on someone. Painfully slow lol. I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt by people in that regard a few times. One incident had me suicidal for a long time.

7: What was your life like last year?

Kind of the same? I didn’t have this blog open. If you had asked this regarding two years ago, I would have said that I wasn’t homeschooling, didn’t know how to play piano much, didn’t have this blog, and was very depressed because of my old schoolmates.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES! Whenever I feel stuck and know I have no control of a situation, I get frustrated and find a quiet place to cry.

9: Who did you last see in person?

I’m assuming this means out of my own household. The last person I saw was my older sister and her roommates, who I am really good friends with. One of them loves coffee as much as me and it’s great! I spent the night. That was over a month and a half ago lmao. Before that, I had gone on a date at a coffee shop.

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yeah. My family gets angry at me if I’m sad or angry about anything, so I hold it all in. It definitely has made life a bit harder. I make people angry when I won’t disclose my feelings to them. I just find it to be better to hold it. I have to be really comfortable with you and really love you if I’ll tell you that I’m sad/angry and why.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah. It’s Le Pire by Maître Gims. He’s a really great French singer.

12: What is something you want right now?

If this is concerning food, I’m in the mood for chicken right now lol. I need some protein. Aside from food, I’m wanting to get a pedal for my electric piano. I have no sustain and it ruins a lot of songs. 😂 It’s why I have my ko-fi open.

13: How do you feel right now?

Meh. I’m not feeling great. I have some issues with fainting. My blood pressure drops like a rock at times and I feel it coming on, if you know what I’m saying. It’s this kind of lethargic, sick feeling. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, just in case it’s about dehydration.

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

When I last visited my favourite coffee shop. For those of you who read Caffeinic, Chan’s character design is a mix of his true personality and a barista at my café of choice. He always gives me a hug when I see him, and when I say good bye. 😊

15: Personality description?

For a quick description, I’d say that INFJ, which is my MBTI type, is really accurate for me. I’ll let one of my friends try to describe me. I’m bad at describing myself lol.

Okay, but my heart is combusting. This amazing hooman, I lob her so much!!!! One of my best friends for sure.

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

All the time. I’m sure you all have heard Fight Song by Rachel Platten, but that line where she says, “And all those things I didn't say // Wrecking balls inside my brain // I will scream them loud tonight // Can you hear my voice this time?” really resonates with me. It was that lyric that hooked me on this song.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

I think 90% of us have them. They are humbling, which can be good, but I urge you to know your worth. I’m such a hypocrite.

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Not really. Not much has changed.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I’d love to visit! I’m from the west coast lol.

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Ramai by Delia & The Motans. I listen to a lot of different languages in music lol. I have no idea what any of it means, so if it’s inappropriate, I apologize.

21: Age and birthday.

Internationally, 18. May 3, 2001.

22: Description of crush.

I don’t think I have a crush???? Haha. There’s this really kind, pretty hot barista at the café who seems to like me but I’m avoiding relationships, so idk. He has green eyes and black, curly hair. He’s maybe 170-180cm, but I’m not entirely sure. He looks damn good in a button up, I... wow. 🥵

23: Fear(s)?

So many lmao. I’m afraid of some trivial things, like bugs and rollercoasters, but I’m also afraid of some different items, like never having a family of my own, or of not being able to achieve my dreams.

24: Height?

154(?)cm. About 5’1.”

25: Role model?

I don’t think I have one lmao. I just try to be the best person I can be. It’s a goal in life for me to be a truly good person.

26: Idol(s).

Aren’t Idols and Role Models pretty much the same thing..? 😂 To be general, I look up to those who have studied in medical school because I know it’s a rollercoaster of difficulties and debt. I applaud them.

27: Things I hate:

This could be a very long list. Let’s go:

Unnecessary rudeness/bullying

Being forced into things I don’t like and/or am afraid of doing

Being lied to

Being stolen from

Being thrown in awkward situations

Being denied my alone time

When people make a mess that I have to clean

When I cook for people and they don’t thank me. My face just scrunched in anger while I typed this one lmao.

Arrogant/egotistic people

So many more, but I’ll cut it off there. 😊

28: “I’ll love you if...”

OOF. There’s no specific thing someone could do. If you love me, I’ll love you. I don’t mean the “awe ily” kind of love. I mean the “I will keep you out of trouble and protect you and be around you only to enjoy your company because I love you” kind of love. True love. Not that artificial crap.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Room 1408 is really good haha. I also really liked A Simple Favour. I like a lot of movies lmao. Superhero movies are always good.

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

I watched a lot of Black Mirror before we got rid of Netflix. I watch Superstore and Brooklyn 99 like they’re the gospel. I’m always down for Gilmore Girls because it’s a classic. I often watch my old childhood shows like Danny Phantom.

31: 3 random facts.

I’m assuming you mean, “3 random facts about me” lol.

I play piano.

I read “too much.” Let’s be honest, is it even possible to read too much?

I write my own stories and songs all of the time.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Oof. My absolute closest friends are girls, but the majority of people I would consider my friends are male.

33: Something you want to learn.

Everything I can about medicine. I’m so interested in it, and I love the idea of fixing someone’s body. I’m fascinated by the weird and/or nasty things about our bodies. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also wanna learn how to use a French press lmao.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

I had been selected to perform in a talent show a few years back for my old school and I got up there, face planting on the floor. Halfway through the song, I froze up and forgot the lyrics. I have never forgotten that.

35: Favourite subject?

Any form of science or Language Arts.

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Become a doctor.

Write a song that someone can perform onstage.

Clock in my 10,000 hours in piano.

Extra: I want to learn violin so badly!

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Jennifer Aniston or Nicolas Cage probably. I don’t pay much attention to actors. I also love Jeremy Renner’s work!

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Oh lord, this question was made for me. Randy Feltface, Samuel J. Conroe, TwoSet, Ross Lynch, and many, many more!

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Volleyball, baseball, and badminton. Low/no-contact sports lol.

40: Favourite memory?

I can’t think of a specific one, but my best memories are always those random, funny moments I have with friends. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget when my friend and I named one of her plants for the first time. I made a plant family tree. Dear lord save my soul.

41: Relationship status?

Single~

42: Favourite book(s)?

THAT IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER! How can I be expected to answer this???? 😂 I don’t have a favourite.

43: Favourite song ever?

Is this q&a list crafted specifically for me to not be able to answer any of the questions? 😂 I don’t have one. It changes with time.

44: Age you get mistaken for?

People always think I’m younger than I am, but if they don’t, then they over shoot it. Most people think I’m 16, or as old as 20-22. It’s crazy lol.

45: How you found out about your idol.

I’m going to interpret this as how I found out about my ult bias, who is Chan from Stray Kids. I was surfing SoundCloud and found the 3racha page. There wasn’t much there, but I liked what they had recorded. From then, I saw some of their survival show and may have kind of fallen for Channie and his personality lmao. Whoops.

46: What my last text message says.

This is the one I got while I was answering this specific question. 😊

“I feel that. I do hate unrealistic stories or stories that go on to fast like. I want to read stories where I feel like the reader could be me and not some sort of perfect girl getting the attention of all the people and fell in love withing 3 seconds and marry. I know that there must be some drama and special things to keep the story going and that's OK but I really appreciate stories who are still based more on a normal life. And you really do a good job in writing normal life stories // And tbh no story made me as happy as your barista!Chan story. It really is something different and I love it.”

Idk if the sender would be okay with me sharing that it was them, so I just copied it lol. I truly do love the feedback I get from you guys! Thank you all so much~~!

47: Turn-ons?

I’m assuming - again - that you mean romantically? I’ve always liked someone who has a decent sense of humour. Whenever I see someone working hard at their job/studies, part of me finds it... sexy? Idk. I’m weird. Save me. 😂

48: Turn-offs?

Overconfidence is a big no-no. It’s annoying as well. I can’t stand someone who truly is an idiot. Nothing turns me off more than getting a text that’s barely legible with a million abbreviations. Speak to me like someone with a brain, please. Another big turn-off is someone who is just automatically very sexual. I’m not a super sexual person, and I don’t want to hang out with someone who has a one-track mind in that sense.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The café.

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

But... he’s so pretty? How??

Sorry. I do not own these gifs/photos of Chan~

51: Star sign?

Taurus..? Idk if that’s for horoscopes lol.

52: Something I’m talented at.

Mmmmmm idk. I’m pretty mundane. I read a lot. I really would love to say I’m talented at piano, but I just don’t think I’m there yet.

53: 5 things that make me happy.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” Sorry.

Classical music

The smell of an old book

Petrichor and/or rainstorms

Playing piano

The smell of coffee

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Everything?? 😂 I’m worried about affording college tuition at the moment. I’m a senior and it’s steadily approaching.

55: Tumblr friends?

I almost yeeted my phone across the room. This is my question. 😂

@hoshithehamster, my fellow plant mother. I think we are each other’s spirit animal lol. I love you more than you know~! As a side note: She’s model material, I swear! Soooooo pretty, inside and out!

@woo-for-woojin, the most adorable and thoughtful person ever?? Always a pleasure to speak to. She gives the coolest and cutest requests ever, I’m-

@a-toxic-galaxy, one of the first people who supported this blog. I love you so much! We both have gotten a little busy lately, but I hope we never fall out of touch.

@doubleknot42, I guess more of an acquaintance? I still really want to get to know her more. The content on her blog is amazing, I highly recommend.

@ethereal-chanracha, someone who I’ve just recently started talking to. We’ve learned so much about each other in such a short time and I already think she’s so awesome! If you’re down for a good conversation, hit her up.

@palemoonpersephone, a friend I made after writing a post about my experiences at school. She is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and hardworking people I’ve ever met. She offered to be my friend if ever I need one, and I don’t regret it. 💕

56: Favourite food(s).

Homemade granola (I make it a lot.)

Salad (Don’t @ me. I really do enjoy salad. I’m much more of an herbivore. 😂)

Most types of Chinese chicken

This spicy noodle thing I think I invented?

Italian sandwiches

Any type of spicy chip (Takis, Hot Cheetos, etc...)

Plain white rice

Gochu jang flavoured chicken

Despite this list, know that I’m a very picky eater lol

57: Favourite animal(s).

Foxes

Doggos

CATS

White tigers

HEDGEHOGS OML

58: Description of my best friend.

Y’all probably know who this is, but...

Kind

Attentive

Smart

Pretty

Passionate

gOOFY (like me)

The best plant mother in existence??? Fight me.

Patient

Empathetic

And SO much more~~!

59: Why I joined tumblr?

Initially, just to find cool posts and like/reblog whatever I enjoyed. My main blog, @assainfj, is the same blog I started with lol. It’s now become a place for me to share my thoughts and my writing and to meet amazing hoomans.

60: Ask me anything you want.

YASSSSS PLEASE I love answering your questions~~~~~! Send in as many as you’d like!

I tag: @hoshithehamster • @a-toxic-galaxy • @palemoonpersephone • @doubleknot42 • @ethereal-chanracha & anyone else who wants to do this!

#kpop #fanfictions #headcannons #reactions #ships #imagines #asks #tag #challenge #q&a #questions #answers #stray kids #bang chan #skz #chan

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gothic-chicanery · 6 years ago

Text

The Diary of Dr. Elena Rosewood

Horror one off story. I’m putting it under a cut

TW for blood, death, and disease

12/14/37

Sent to quarantine, and am currently kicking myself. I tested positive for the disease and the police didn’t listen to my explanations. Now I am without my lab and test instruments, and the data gathered will be strictly qualitative. Damnit.

Of course, this may be a blessing in disguise, as the effects of the vaccine will be able to be seen firsthand, and I’ll have to worry less about my own credibility. Though as a medical doctor who has spent years studying this disease, credibility was never too much of a worry.

I just hope someone takes care of my cats.

No symptoms so far, though that is expected. The incubation period is usually about a week, but this may be altered by the fact that this is a weaker strain that will be easy for my body to fight off. Maybe I will not have any symptoms at all. One can only hope I suppose.

12/16/37

A man leaned into me while I took my daily exercise yesterday, so close that his nose almost touched mine. Dark red sclera showed he was in the later stages of the disease. “We all have it in here,” he growled. “We are all infected.” His breath smelled awful, a mix of metallic and rot, as if someone had shot a deer in a penny factory.

“Yes,” I said slowly. “That is essentially the point of a quarantine.”

I’ve decided to keep mostly to myself from now on.

This story has very little to do with the scientific side of my work, but it is an anecdote that I think would provide quite the cinematic moment when there is a biopic made about me. I mean, the person who discovered a vaccine against the blood plague (though I always hated the sensational nature of that name) will surely get some sort of film recognition.

When I get out, of course, I’ll remove this section. But I believe it is best to be honest to yourself. The rest of the world can get the cool, collected scientist.

Asymptomatic probably still. I thought my sclera looked a little redder, but that may be more easily attributed to confirmation bias or the quality of the mirrors here. It’s a wonder I can see my reflection at all through the graffiti. Wishing I was home. Accurate testing equipment wherefore art thou? My ex, I’m sure, would correct me. Wherefore apparently means why even though it has a where in it. This, ladies and gentlemen, is why you never should date English majors. And they say scientists have sticks up their ass.

12/20/37

Definite redness now. I guess it was too much of a long shot that I wouldn’t end up with anything happening. I can’t decide which looks better, a miraculous recovery, or to never get sick at all. I think this. Looks like I’ve suffered more.

Though of course, this isn’t about me. It’s about all the people that I will be keeping safe from the disease.

12/25/37

Well. Merry Christmas to me. I’m Rudolph the Red-Eyed Fucking Reindeer. Disease taking hold. I think it’ll get worse before it gets better, damn it. It’ll definitely get better though. I’m confident in my own intelligence, if nothing else. I had hoped to be out of here before Christmas, but I guess that’s too much to ask for.

I’ve started tasting blood. Every meal seems tainted metallic, though that might actually improve the shit they have us eating. It’s all frozen and half rotten, bottom of the barrel kind of stuff. I guess that makes sense, why waste the good food on those of us that are going to die anyway? I mean, I won’t. But for the rest of them, why bother. There is no cure for the blood plague. Even I’ve only managed to come up with a vaccine.

1/3/38

I lost my journal. No, more accurately, it was stolen by the motherfucker from before. More accurately, he stole it, bled on the pages, and then threw it outside the fence. I have no clue why. He’s bad, blood streaming from his eyes and lips. I could barely make out what he was trying to say, every time he tried to speak, blood dribbled out. Not that I cared what he had to say. I’d imagine he only had days left.

My own condition isn’t getting better, though it hasn’t gotten noticeably worse. Small amounts of blood in my mouth, my spit has been slightly tinged pink for the last few days. I calculated the turnaround though. It should be any day now. Any day…

I debated whether or not to write down how I’m writing this, as my journal is no longer here, and decided why not. It’s blood on my wall. I know what you’re thinking, that i’ve likely gone insane, that the blood plague is taking hold. It’s not, I can promise you that. When you look at it, it’s perfect logical.

My top priority is information. I have to record these events so that the process of my vaccine can be documented and studied. As a scientist, I know the most essential thing is data. I need to be able to provide that. I’ve just been forced to use alternative methods.

He would’ve died anyway. There is no cure for the blood plague, and he barely had days left. Something that saves lives is more important than the death of one man, I know it seems macabre but he would’ve died in days. Is it really even a murder when you’re both on death row?

He is.

Was.

I’m not. I’m going to live.

It wasn’t hard, really, to kill him. He wasn’t strong, and it was quite easy to split his head open. The blood just mingled with what was already on the floor and walls, have I mentioned this place has gotten disgusting with all the blood. Dragged him to my room, dipped my finger in, and began writing.

I don’t want this to sound horrific. It’s not. I distanced myself from things, made the matter merely academic. When dissecting something, you don’t contemplate the pathos, you just analyze. That is merely what I’m doing. He would’ve died soon anyway.

1/11/38

The body stinks to high heaven and I can barely get enough blood to write with without a few maggots or flies crawling over my fingers. I need to remain objective but they are truly disgusting.

Blessing in disguise, perhaps, my own eyes have begun dripping. My mouth too, though that’s diluted. I can keep writing. I will document this. I will wait for my body to fight off the vaccine, for immunity to kick in. I will be the one to figure it out I will be known I will be a savior

Just a little longer

#horror #writeblr #my writing

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parkjmini · 7 years ago

Text

Outlier | the end

poly!au: park jimin x reader x kim jennie while your lovers said they needed you, you wondered if they knew how much you needed them. word count: 3988 genre: angst warnings: explicit language

[an]: nothing is medically accurate lmao im so sorry i researched like 70 percent and then i implied everything else so dont trust me idk what im talking abt. but a BIG thank you to everyone who sent me so so so much support and feedback for this entire series bc i wouldn’t have had the motivation to finish. getting those messages after posting a chapter made me giddy for my own story and i know what happens. I truly love interacting with my readers and going into plot/character analysis, i just love hearing everyone’s thoughts and thinking processes bc we all interpret things differently, again, thank you everyone who enjoyed reading this story (:

prologue . 01 . 02 . 03 . 04 . 05 . 06 . 07 . 08 . the end

After confirmation of the surgery, it became prepping sessions. Your doctor slowly took you off the chemo and gave you medication to ease any discomfort. You were given less visiting hours because you needed to rest.

But your troubles stirred when you were alone. The moment replayed in your mind when Jennie told you that they were broken up. There was nothing you could say, nothing for you to fix. Jennie and Jimin were respectfully dating you, aware of your decision for still wanting to be with the both of them. It didn’t feel the same though, it didn’t feel secure or safe.

There was no way you could date them separately. Jimin lacked what Jennie brought to the relationship and vise versa. It wasn’t complete without the both of them. Your nurses didn’t let you worry about that, brushing away Jimin and Jennie during your resting hours.

Jungkook visited you once after you added him back onto your list. He also brought you a vase of your favorite flowers. There was part of you where you didn’t want to make things awkward, but the other part didn’t allow for that. Instead, you blurted out that you knew about his crush on you. Then, he left quickly after you rejected his offer to be with him.

Hoseok respected your time and didn’t visit when he wasn’t allowed to. You were aware of how he had other important events in his life, but you really wished he tried to see you more. You’d hate to admit it, but Hoseok seemed to be the only person you could turn to for any non-biased advice. Since he stopped coming around often, you had to turn to your nurses.

The two weeks were absolutely the dullest moment in your life. You thought that living in your small town with your mom was bad, this was worse. You were stuck in a huge hospital with no friends majority of your stay. Your nurses were only with you for max ten minutes before they needed to go. You had the television, sleep, and your own nervousness.

Surgery was a big decision, so big that you even called your mom about it. You didn’t have the best relationship with your mom, so calling her was a surprise to even her. She totally didn’t bother to follow up on your life, so she never called first. But, you couldn’t go into surgery with the possibility of death and not tell her about it.

She offered to fly over and you insisted that she didn’t. So when she arrived to see you, you didn’t hesitate to give her a piece of your mind.

“What are you doing here? I told you that you didn’t need to come. Where did you find which hospital I was staying at?” You groaned into your pillow.

Your mom set her things down and crossed her legs while she took a seat across from you. “I asked the school. I’m your mother, for fucks sakes.”

“Yeah, well you didn’t think that when I was growing up, so now that I’m dying, you decide you should start caring.” You rolled your eyes at her gasp.

“How dare you say that to me? I raised you when your dad walked out on us.”

“If you think being drunk and picking me up from my after school programs means raising me, then yeah. You did great mom.” Your sarcasm came out in train wrecks when it came to your mom; she drew the worse out of you.

“(Y/N), you have cancer and you decide to let me know when you’ve already decided for surgery is not exactly the most responsible daughter thing you pride yourself to be.” She shot back.

Your nurse came in to cue that she only had 15 minutes left before she needed to leave. “It honestly didn’t cross my mind that I needed to tell you since you’ve never cared enough to call me these past years except to invite me to your stupid wedding. Might I also add that you didn’t tell me about until the day before, so that makes two of us.”

“I didn’t raise you for you to treat me like this.”

“You didn’t raise me at all, what are you saying? But how about we talk about something else, since that’s all we ever talk about. News flash, mom, I have fucking pancreatic cancer and I’m going into surgery tomorrow. I’ve been going to chemo these past three months and I have almost to no hair. My body is bruised from being poked by needles. I am dying! Thanks for even having the audacity to come see me before my maybe death tomorrow. Don’t let the door hit you in the face.” You shouted as loud as your lungs let you go.

Your door opened and you both stopped your argument to see Jennie and Jimin standing under the frame. They looked stunned and confused to see the lady who you resembled. “Did we come at a bad time?” Jimin asked.

“No, since this is your visiting time.” You crossed your arms, glaring at your mom.

“Who are you two?” She asked, rudely.

“Mom, that’s my boyfriend, Jimin and that’s my girlfriend, Jennie. Welcome to the modern society of polyamorous relationships where I love two people at once.” Jennie and Jimin have never heard such sarcasm run out of your mouth. You were always just subtle, but this side of you was new.

“Hi, it’s nice to finally meet you.” Jennie stepped forward and your mom got up.

“Well, I can see that you have a whole double life I know nothing about. I guess you don’t need me anymore. Good luck on your surgery and whatever you call a relationship.” She grabbed her things and walked past Jennie and Jimin.

“She was pleasant.” Jimin said sarcastically and you rolled over on your side.

“This is why I never brought you home with me for the holidays.” Jennie hurried to cuddle up to your side.

“At least we avoided an awkward argument over Christmas dinner.” She chuckled and kissed your ear.

Jimin sat on your opposite side. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

Sitting up in Jennie’s arms, you buried your face in your hands. “No. I’m so scared.”

“You’re going to be fine. Jennie, Hoseok and I are going to be right outside of your door. We’re going to be with you when you’re recovering. We’re with you every step of the way, we already packed our go-bags.” Jimin tried to comfort you, but you sobbed into your hands. You couldn’t help but cry so much nowadays. Staying strong was hard when you were so vulnerable.

“And if something happens? Will you be there with me?” It was a rhetorical question that caused them to both fall silent.

“Nothing will happen. They’re highly trained professionals and I made sure you had the best surgeon in this hospital.” Jennie bragged proudly and Jimin laughed.

“Yeah, seeing her demand it was very terrifying. But, she did it. You’re in good hands, baby.” Jimin smiled and kissed the top of your head.

“Can you two just lay with me for the last couple of minutes before my nurse comes and kicks you out?” You sniffed and moved over for Jimin to join the sandwich fest.

“(Y/N), I love you so much.” Jennie and Jimin said in unison, and the unsettling feeling set back into your system.

A group of nurses and surgeons rolled you into a double door room. It was dim, except for the big spotlight that shined above you. Squinting, you saw the surgical masks that blinked back at you.

“Ready?” Your doctor was smiling behind her mask.

“No.” Your voice trembled from your nerves; your palms slick with sweat. “I want to be okay.”

“And you will be, (Y/N). We’re going to start with the anesthetics and we’ll get everything going. Relax, I’m right here.” She held onto your shaking hand and you stared back up at the bright light.

You felt the drugs enter your system, slowly stripping away your consciousness. You’ve already cried out all night your worries and said a few important goodbyes before the day arrived. The jittery feeling caused your body to shake uncontrollably and you were so terrified. This could mean recovery or death.

And while you hoped for survival, you knew the chances were split between the two options. Death was unavoidable, but to die so early shook your bones. Your dreams have just been memories of past events in your life, reminding you of the life you lived. The life you might soon leave. It was harder to ignore death than it was to wish for recovery.

Once your eyelids fell over your eyes, you’ve never felt more alone in your entire life.

“Would you stop pacing? You’ve been walking back and forth for the past two hours.” Jennie complained.

Jimin stopped in his tracks and narrowed his eyes at her, “I’m nervous.”

“What happened to ‘it’s going to be fine’ and ‘you don’t need to worry’?” Jennie laughed and Jimin rolled his eyes.

“I can’t help that my body reacts the way it does when I’m the slightest worried. How are you so calm about this? They’re literally cutting her open in that room.” Jimin gestured to the closed doors.

“By not thinking about it like that. I’m thinking about the lovely time I get to spend with my girlfriend when she’s done.” Jennie muttered.

Jimin walked up to her and pointed to his chest, “you mean my girlfriend?”

Hoseok pushed the two apart. “She’s both of your’s. Are you two done making a scene in a hospital?”

Jimin went over to sit next to Hoseok’s other side, making him stuck in the middle of a not-so-friendly feud. Even though they showed up together for visits, they were incredibly hostile to one another when they were alone.

They slept in separate beds, Jimin taking over your room and Jennie in her’s. They ate dinner with their own friends and didn’t bother to tell each other about their whereabouts. They mostly spoke to each other in scoffs or groans.

Suddenly, the hallway doors were slammed open and nurses were rushing in a big machine --- a defibrillator.

The three of them stood up, seeing how rushed and hurried the nurses looked. The surgery door opened and a surgeon walked out with sweat dripping down the side of his head. The sound of a flat line heartbeat caught the attention of Jennie.

“Her heart isn’t beating, is it?” She was afraid to hear the answer to her question, her chest rising and falling violently.

Your doctor held the door open for the other nurses and defibrillator. “Her pulse went out, but we’re doing our best. But prepare for the worse.”

Jennie collapsed onto the floor, bawling. “Holy fuck, we’re going to lose her!” She shouted with heavy tears running down her face. It was like her words pulled Jennie’s heart down to the pit of her stomach. Her whole mind and body were shutting down at the news.

“You have to stay calm, Jen.. we’re in a hospital.” Jimin tried to get her up, but she kept slipping his grasp.

“I don’t care! That’s our girl in there and her heart isn’t beating!” She exclaimed and Hoseok helped with holding her up.

Jimin’s head was in shambles, utterly speechless at what was happening. Hoseok was numb to the news, unaware to how to react. They wanted to stay optimistic, that the defibrillator will work. It had to work.

“Why don’t you two go outside and get some air? I’ll stay here for any further news. Please... it’s not a suggestion. Go.” Hoseok needed to clear them out before they both stressed him out more than he already was.

Jimin walked Jennie outside. The light breeze clearing their heavy, crazy minds. Jennie was choked up by her tears, constantly wiping at her wet cheeks. Jimin stared at the ground, listening to her sorrows. His heart too heavy to express.

“Aft-er -- everything.. --Jimin --- I’m.. really, truly sorry...--” Jennie had trouble speaking with the endless waterfalls from her eyes.

“--Jen..” Jimin barely got out.

“No.. listen to me first. I’ve felt really guilty about all the rumors. We should’ve never gotten together in the first place, especially with someone like me. I’m known as the campus hoe, right? I can’t hold onto a stable relationship even if I wanted to and now my --- girlfriend --- is-- she’s -- dying.” Jennie cried harder, holding her face in her hands as she slid against the wall and onto the ground.

“I didn’t do anything with Jisoo ever. I don’t know how many more times I need to tell you, but I would never hurt you or (Y/N) like that, especially coming from a place where that has happened to me multiple times. Maybe you’ve always secretly doubted our relationship, considering how we got together through an accidental one night stand.”

“Through our three months together, I fell head over heels for you, Jimin. I’ll admit it. I liked (Y/N) first, but you had a piece of me I didn’t think I could give to anyone after Taehyung. You’re so open, so understanding, so kind. I’ve never fully gotten the chance to explain myself because you keep shutting me down and every time, I believed that my explanation doesn’t matter. I’ve been devalued my entire life by my partners and sadly, I made myself feel that way with you when you ignored my pleads. But I think now is the best opportunity to tell you because we honestly don’t have anyone else who understands us the way we do. We’re both suffering because our girlfriend is in there not breathing. Our girlfriend, Jimin. I love you and through everything, you’re the one of the only people in this world who knows my struggles.” Jennie held him by the shoulders, so he could look her in the eyes as she gripped onto the only hope left in her life.

Jimin invited her into his arms, holding her tight. He had forgotten why he was upset before. He just wanted to be with his girls. He wished, hoped, prayed that things were back to how they were before the misfortune.

“I’m sorry for making you feel invalid. I’m sorry for hurting you the way I did.” He admitted and Jennie sobbed harder into his chest.

“It’s okay... -- we’ll --- be...”

“--- Okay?” Jimin finished off and she nodded.

You couldn’t breathe or move. Your lungs collapsed into your chest and you struggled to supply oxygen to your body. You screamed, but no noise came out and your arms were glued to your side. It was like you were trapped in a motionless body.

Everything was turning fuzzy and a white light blurred your vision. This was it. You were dying. You weren’t sure what realization hit you. Maybe it was the lost of breath and your heart rate slowly declining. Maybe it was the blinding light that caught your attention ahead.

Your memories started flashing before you. Jennie and Jimin flooding your mind. Your eyes scanned for anyone else, but them. However, you were left with scenes of your once perfect relationship.

Your first date night. It was the day you officially joined your partners. Jennie hurried you down to meet Jimin. He was cleaned up nicely, standing all cool against his sleek car. He peered up to see Jennie with the biggest smile on her small face, hand holding yours.

She told Jimin the news and he was overjoyed, ready to hold you in his arms. He rushed you into the car and it didn’t feel much different than it was when all three of you hung out. The only difference was that you’ve never been more intimate with your best friends.

Your first kiss. You anxiously sat next to Jimin on the couch during a lazy movie fest you were having with them. He had his arm wrapped around you, twirling the ends of your fingers with his. Your heart beating so fast, being not use to the touching from either of them.

He picked up your chin, knowing that you were distracted. It was an instant spark once your eyes connected and soon, your lips did as well.

Your first ‘I love you’. This moment was one of your favorites. It was Jennie’s birthday and you three were excited for the day ahead. However, a huge storm was rolling in and you were almost home. Jimin insisted in stopping to buy more snacks before rushing back.

Once you all stepped out from the convenience store, it was showering, pouring heavy amounts of rain. Jennie, you and Jimin were drenched within seconds of going outside. Your plastic bags filled up an inch with collected water. Jimin’s leather seats in his car pooled with rain. All three of you laughed with glee as you marveled the escape from the wet mess.

And you suddenly stopped to admire the way Jimin’s eyes disappeared cutely and how Jennie’s nose scrunched up, her adorable snort catching your attention. In the midst of their happiness, you blurted out, “I love you two.”

The news of your mother’s wedding. An invitation was addressed to you. It had pretty cursive handwriting and a beautiful design. It was a wedding for your mom and her boyfriend, inviting you to join them for an evening of unity. You weren’t aware of them even being engaged, let alone a marriage.

Jennie and Jimin never mentioned your mom, knowing you didn’t like pressing on too much about her. Their initial reaction was for you to go, until you explained that you didn’t even know she was getting married. You had crumpled up the invitation and threw it away in the trash.

Jennie consoled you, reassuring you that it was perfectly fine that you don’t attend. While you sulked in the living room, they approached you with the idea of still giving your mom a gift to congratulate her. It showed that you were the bigger person and that you acknowledge her efforts. They made you a better you.

Throughout every flashback, and every memory, your heart was searching for something beyond them, an image that wasn’t them. You laid there, dying, and all you saw was your girlfriend and your boyfriend. There had to be more than that and your heart was looking, waiting, for any other memories to surface.

But nothing. It was only them and you couldn’t help, but feel a little disappointed. For the last few years of your life, you’ve revolved your entire world around these two people. You’re alone, not because you’re not social, but because you chose to focus all of your efforts into your relationship. And as you slowly lost sense of your consciousness, you became regretful about how you lived.

You heard distant voices, “1, 2, 3!” and you slowly opened your eyes. There was a rush of air that filled your lungs. Your vision adjusted to the bright spotlight and the many surgical masks above you.

“She’s awake! We got her pulse!” They cheered and one of the nurses pulled down his mask.

“You’re going to be okay, Ms. (Y/N). The surgery was a success.” He smiled and you nodded, reaching for his hand to hold to make sure it was your reality.

“We’re going to move you to your recovery room now, but you did really well.” The young nurse cheered with so much excitement, there were tears in his eyes. He was a complete stranger that just saved your life, yet he was even crying for you.

“T-Than-k yo-u.” You barely made out and he patted your shoulder. You shut your eyes again and felt the bed move and the voice of Hoseok calling after you as natural light hit your eyelids.

Several hours after the surgery and going over the post-surgery care, you carefully sat up in bed. Hoseok had to leave, but the two stayed. Jennie held onto you tighly, and Jimin blinked at you with stars in his eyes. But the thought you had while you were close to death never left your mind.

“There is something I need to talk to you about.” You began, and Jimin and Jennie shared glances. “There was a lot to think about when I went under, my heart stopped for a few minutes and I was so close to my death. All I saw were our memories. I saw you two, but... something inside of me longed for something else, something more.”

“If it’s not the three of us, then I don’t want to be in an individual relationship with either of you. That would mean making me choose and I don’t love one more than the other. It’s either both of you or neither. I will always love you two with all that my heart has to offer, but my life is so valuable and I need someone who is going to recognize that. I realized that the best for us is that there simply is no us. I love you both so much, I really do, but right now is not the right time. I’ll never forget us. ”

“Jennie, you were the first girl I love. Jimin, you were the first boy I love. But throughout it all, I won’t try to remember us. Maybe we’ll realize each other’s worth once we’re ready for it and we’ll be new people when we meet again.”

Jennie didn’t let go of your hand, instead, she nodded to every single word that you poured from your heart. “If that’s what you think is the best option for us, then I’ll accept your decision.” She agreed and no longer shed any more tears. She knew it was for the better, even if it did break her heart.

With a turn of events, Jimin was actually the one crying this time. Jimin’s tears spilled down his plump, supple cheeks. It was difficult for him to talk.. it was difficult for him to express how he felt in general. “I felt so regretful because I thought I was going to lose you forever when I was ready to trade my life for your’s. I’m just happy you’re alive and breathing. I respect your decision and I think that you’ll always know what’s best for us three.”

Your heart was healing, bit by bit. The shock of almost death woke you up and you no longer wanted to be trapped in something that didn’t seem to work out well anymore. It was time for an end. It was time for change and you were more than thankful to have Jennie and Jimin, who loved you so much, they were willing to let you go and live life with no more regrets.

Jennie smiled before gently kissing your hand, “I’m unsure how long me and Jimin would’ve lasted without you, but we were two people who fell out of love for each other, but back in love through you. I want you to know that even though you felt like you didn’t belong in our relationship, you were actually the connection between us. You were the reason there was an us.”

It was an epiphany ---- you were not the outlier in the relationship. You were the core center. Jennie and Jimin were more than thankful to have you in their lives, who loved them so much, that you were willing to look past their differences and to fight through every trial.

“You were the reason there was an us.” That single line replayed in your thoughts, in a constant loop. And you smiled at Jimin and Jennie, the monitor beeping being the only noise in the room.

“I love you both, don’t you ever forget that.”

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drrobertmacarthur · 3 years ago

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Dr. Robert MacArthur

Unknown Facts About Dr. Rob Macarthur, RM

The concerns that may be inquired include: Has your health condition been actually correctly diagnosed? For example, do you actually have the health condition that you assert? Did a job-related crash or even visibility in fact cause your present signs and symptoms? For instance, is it possible that you developed this condition with your private tasks or even various other off-duty conduct? Do you need extra health care therapy or screening for your disorder? If thus, what kind of procedure? As an example, if your treating doctor possesses advised surgical procedure, is it needed as well as appropriate? When will you be actually capable of going back to work (if whatsoever? Do you require any sort of stipulations about what you can perform at the workplace such as not lifting over a certain body weight or even not representing long term time periods? Do you have any kind of permanent handicap, and if so, to what level? You ought to ask to assess any type of letter sent out to the IME medical professional by the insurance provider Dr. Robert MacArthur RM.

Whenever achievable, you must make your request in creating and also submit a copy along with the condition company through which your laborers' compensation claim is actually hanging. There is actually typically no requirement of a normal physician-patient partnership during the course of an IME. Dr. MacArthur, RM. This means that everything you say to the doctor is actually not fortunate or secure whatsoever.

The exact same goes with remarks the medical professional makes - Dr. Rob MacArthur RM. For instance, if the medical professional observes you walking normally from your cars and truck to the workplace, however at that point sees you grimacing along with discomfort and favoring one leg in the office, she or he will certainly take you down that. You may bet that this variance is going to turn up in the doctor's report, and the judge or even hearing policeman will definitely take this into profile when evaluating your reliability.

The medical professional may additionally conduct a physical examination and also tests such as physical exams to evaluate your grasp stamina or stability of movement. (For much more on exactly how to conduct yourself during the course of the physical examination, as well as how to plan for it, see our post on Exactly how to Manage Your Laborers' Comp Independent Medical Exam. Exactly How Will the IME Impact My Workers' Compensation Situation as well as How Can I Difficulty the Outcomes? After the IME, the doctor is going to compose a file along with his or even her final thoughts as well as opinions, specifically in reaction to the disputed problems or concerns increased through the insurer Doctor MacArthur, RM.

Facts About Doctor Robert Macarthur Revealed

The end results of the IME can easily have a huge impact on your instance. Employees' compensation courts and also hearing police officers often see IME medical professionals as "professionals" and also offer substantial weight to their reports, Doctor Robert MacArthur. Courts additionally often tend to view IME physicians as an additional goal than handling physicians even if that is actually certainly not commonly the scenario.

However, there are actually some circumstances where you may challenge the IME record successfully Dr. Robert Macarthur, RM. For instance, if the doctor's viewpoint is actually based on incorrect information concerning your medical past or there are actually some various other valid mistakes, point that out as soon as possible. You need to compose a letter to the physician and also the insurance coverage business describing the accurate oversight as well as sustaining it with documentation from your case histories, possibly Dr. Rob MacArthur RM.

In some conditions, you can also request a second medical exam, performed through a doctor of your very own finding. If you challenge the statements in the IME report and can certainly not get the problem informally fixed, as well as the IME is actually being made use of versus you to limit or remove your benefits, you should talk to an employees' comp lawyer today Doctor MacArthur, RM.

Find a Laborers' Compensation Lawyer For assistance looking for experienced laborers' compensation lawyers, make use of Nolo's lawyer listing Dr. MacArthur.

Little Known Facts About Dr. Macarthur

Discover pointers on what to perform before, throughout, and also after an individual clinical exam in your employees' compensation lawsuit - Robert MacArthur RM. If you have actually filed an employees' settlement case, you might be asked to go to an exam along with a medical professional besides your handling medical doctor. These exams, which are actually gotten in touch with independent medical checkups (IMEs) in many conditions, may possess a considerable effect on the result of your case.

You may need to attend several IMEs in the course of your instance. To read more regarding the collection of IME doctors, what occurs during the checkup, and how you can resist the IME doctor's document, view What is actually an Independent Medical Test as well as How Will It Affect My Employees' Payment Scenario? What Should You Perform Just before the Assessment? The cases insurance adjuster for your employer or even its own insurance provider may compose a letter to the IME doctor explaining your injury or ailment, outlining the health care procedure you've currently obtained, and also asking specific inquiries concerning your medical problem that remain in conflict.

You need to ask to examine this letter in advance, to make sure that you can improve any kind of blunders regarding the simple facts of your case and ensure that the inquiries pertain - Dr. Robert Macarthur. When possible, make your demand in writing and also submit a duplicate along with the workplace of the state workers' settlement company where your insurance claim was actually submitted.

The examiner will ask you about every one of these points, thus put in the time to evaluate your case history. Do not try to cover any kind of previous personal injuries or understate all of them, yet carry out an aim out exactly how your existing health condition is actually different than it was actually in the past times, due to the current workplace personal injury or even ailment.

Rumored Buzz on Doctor Macarthur RM

Although workers' payment is actually a no-fault system, the examiner is going to intend to ensure that the incident is in simple fact associated with your work, Dr. MacArthur. Also, the IME doctor may be trying to find variances in your story - Dr. MacArthur. Keep your responses brief, and see to it they are actually regular with what you have mentioned previously for instance, in any kind of mishap records or emergency room browse through.

You will possibly additionally be actually asked about your treatment record for this accident, so evaluate your notes and also documents to evaluate the tests, surgical operations, or various other treatments or procedures you have actually received up until now - Doctor MacArthur, RM. This is actually certainly not a memory test, thus if you can't remember a detailed time or even drug, that is actually a penalty.

For instance, if you have an ankle joint trauma, you perhaps shouldn't appear to the examination in high heels. Additionally, you should use or even bring any sort of units you need for your trauma, such as crutches, darkened sunglasses, or even a sling. If you say to the physician that you need to have to wear dark glasses each of the moment due to constant migraines as well as you do not wear all of them to the examination, you may lose credibility.

Make sure you give yourself loads of time to reach your consultation. You need to organize to deliver a dependent friend or even family member with you to the examination. He or she needs to certainly not talk in the course of the assessment but may take notes, give you along with emotional assistance, and also act as a witness to the examination - Doctor Robert MacArthur.

Our Dr. Robert Macarthur RM Ideas

Don't assume the supervisor is bent on getting you Doctor Robert MacArthur. Also if the physician is actually lower than friendly, reacting along with animosity can merely harm you. IME doctors are going to typically perform tests or make use of various other approaches to help them calculate just how truthful you're concerning your signs and symptoms. They additionally possess years of knowledge examining hurt folks to establish if they are precisely reporting their ache or even restrictions.

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ratvoyage6 · 4 years ago

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Cognitive Behavior Modification Strategies Demystified

Cbt For Stress And Anxiety

Content

What Should I Get Out Of A Cbt Session?

When Cognitive Behavior Modification Does Not Function.

Stating No Can Be An Act Of Love: 6 Of The Most Effective Lessons Individuals Picked Up From Therapy.

Mindfulness.

Research study has revealed that certain patterns of believing are connected with a wide range of psychological as well as mental troubles. These negative or extreme idea patterns have actually regularly come to be so regular that they are experienced as automatic and go undetected by the individual. Psychological and also psychological distress occurs when people view the globe as harmful. When this occurs perceptions and also analyses of occasions come to be very discerning, egocentric, as well as inflexible, leading to people making systematic mistakes in thinking, called 'cognitive distortions'. ver 2000 years ago the Greek Calm philosopher Epictetus said that individuals are interrupted not by points but by the sights they take of them. When your therapist has actually learnt more about you as well as your experiences detailed, they will start to supply you with pointers and also methods to help you handle or battle your mental health concerns.

DD receives appointment fee from the Albert Ellis Institute and also editorial fee from the Springer. All 3 authors are CBT experienced researchers, energetic promoters, and also factors to evidence-based psychotherapy. The editor as well as customers' associations are the most recent offered on their Loophole study accounts as well as may not mirror their situation at the time of evaluation. This area has lots of info, suggestions as well as features to help during this time around. Prior to you total attain your goal bear in mind to bear in mind to prepare for your next objective. The natural arousal power of objective implementation will decrease on completion and also to continue to keep inspired as well as goal focused its valuable to have your following goal in mind ready to begin the steps again. Make a WISE goal that is necessary to you i.e. select something that you truly want, is substantial or interests you.

What Should I Get Out Of A Cbt Session?

Some registered nurses, physicians, occupational therapists and also medical psycho therapists operating in CMHTs might likewise supply CBT. With experience you can get senior high strength therapist roles by undertaking additional duties entailing supervision, management, job leadership, training, specialism and also education. Conversely, you can develop expert study skills and expertise via getting a professional doctoral research fellowship and also finishing a PhD. Whichever path you select, proficiency beyond the core high strength therapist function is needed and also you'll require to carry out pertinent training. Setups can consist of area psychological health groups, GP surgical treatments, health and wellness centres and also healthcare facilities, or social services. Proof of long-lasting volunteering is additionally handy as it shows that you're emotionally strong as well as committed to dealing with individuals with psychological wellness problems. These sorts of vacancies can be located in the not-for-profit and health and wellness field.

youtube

You should feel ready to proactively change your ideas as well as behaviour for it to be effective. direct therapy - Things You Must Learn About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy might discover it hard to concentrate and stay motivated in the beginning, particularly if you've been feeling low. But the best therapist will put you at ease and also see to it you take the sessions at the right speed for you It is very important that your therapist is educated as well as certified to use CBT.

When Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Doesn't Function.

Element C is typically the longest session as it involves practical knowing and exercises. It is this section where prospects need to reveal they have standard equilibrium and control abilities in order to proceed. Element C takes around 2 hrs yet may be prolonged relying on prospect abilities. Component B takes around 30 to 40 mins and also introduces you to the motorbike, the controls, safely checks plus pressing and wheeling your maker. Depending on the severity of your psychological health and wellness problem, CBT can additionally be used along with antidepressant drug, which can help make therapy sessions much more efficient as symptoms of depression are decreased. While sessions of CBT can continue for weeks or months prior to symptoms of anxiety or anxiety begin to alleviate, it is typically pointed out as one of the most effective type of talking therapy, otherwise referred to as psychiatric therapy, which currently exists.

I signed up for online therapy to see if it actually works - Haaretz

I signed up for online therapy to see if it actually works.

Posted: Thu, 13 Aug 2020 07:00:00 GMT [source]

At this moment you're probably mosting likely to be really feeling rather excellent on the bike; as well as getting made use of to how it all works to ensure that you prepare to improve these standard abilities when traveling. When you have actually efficiently completed a CBT, you can ride a motorcycle up to 125cc if you more than 17, or a moped if you are over 16, when driving with L plates for as much as 2 years before taking your motorcycle licence examination. Common Myths About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy involves a theory element on bike equipment and road security, an on-site practical to make certain you know how to run your bike or moped, and a two-hour block of real-life riding. You do not require to have actually passed your theory examination in order to do the CBT course. If you are taking into consideration acquiring a full bike permit at some point, then don't miss this opportunity to ask your teacher to evaluate the number of days of training they think you will require. There is an optimum proportion of 4 pupils to one teacher except for element E, when the optimum ratio is two pupils to one instructor. If there are 4 pupils on the training course after that the teacher will certainly execute 2 road rides, each lasting for 2 hrs.

Saying No Can Be An Act Of Love: 6 Of The Very Best Lessons Individuals Gained From Therapy.

While it's important to enlighten on your own and also reviewing an introduction of the most usual sorts of online therapy can provide you a concept of what would benefit you, eventually, it's the therapist who will make a decision which strategy to follow. It is necessary to maintain an open mind because sometimes their options may appear unusual initially. Bear in mind, as the client, you can request for clarification, and your therapist can clarify what a type of therapy involves. Any individual who intends to attempt 'appropriate' therapy yet doesn't have the time or capacity to take a trip for sessions, and also any individual that's in some way gone and obtained themselves disallowed from every counsellor in town. Well, if the future of mental healthcare is everything about IMs, FaceTime as well as 'OMG, which neuroses R U?

CBT is used in many conditions, so it isn't possible to note them all right here. We will check out choices to the most typical issues - anxiousness and anxiety.

Mindfulness.

Direct exposure therapy intends to break this way of thinking by subjecting you to the things you fear in a risk-free setup. Numerous research studies have actually recorded CBT's efficiency to deal with problems like OCD, PTSD and also Anxieties.

Mostly it was great, it truly was, however the very first couple of minutes were a teensy bit knuckle-bitey.

Discover the self, what it means to be clashed as well as the effects this has on an individual's health.

I assist trainees suffering from a variety of psychological health and wellness conditions, students that are feeling reduced, and also arrange interventions in between children.

My technique to therapy is integrated, meaning that I can collaborate with a combination of concepts, Person Centred coaching underpins all of my work, specifically when working on an emotional degree with my customers.

If these thoughts are considered impractical, you will certainly learn skills that aid you change your reasoning patterns so they are extra accurate with respect to a given situation. Once your point of view is more sensible, the therapist can aid you identify a suitable strategy.

#cognitive behavioral therapy online #cognitive behavioral therapy techniques #cognitive behavioral therapy near me #cognitive behavioral therapy examples #cognitive behavioral therapy definition #cognitive behavioral therapy nhs #cognitive behavioral therapy for anxiety

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ericleo108 · 4 years ago

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Journal 01/27/21 - Looking Forward

Hey, welcome to the Journal for Wednesday, January 27th, 2021 "Looking Forward"

My name is Eric Leo. I’m a sociologist, social psychologist, philosopher, author, blogger, and hip-hop artist and this is my journal where I talk about myself and my philosophy!

Im still growing out my hair to donate it. I’m still developing my TikTok video ideas. I’m reading books about branding and being an influencer. When I think about not doing it I remember that because I had a following on YouTube I got a book published because someone paid for it for me. Every time a TikToker says they hit another million they talk about how their life has changed for the better. So it really makes me want to pursue and find an audience.

Besides getting down to a target weight I also need a better phone and could use a tripod. I want the quality to look as professional as possible, otherwise, I’m afraid I won’t go viral which is the goal. I plan on studying how to create TikTok’s through skillshare. These are all the reasons I’m waiting to launch.

Weight Loss Journey

I have been using my future online presence to motivate my weight loss. That and I’m hoping to become more attractive again to start dating. I’ve really had to listen to my body but I think I’ve come up with the solution. The goal was to create a healthy relationship with food. I do intermittent fasting and eat between 11 am and 7 pm. I try to eat at around 11, 3:30, and 6:30 and try maintaining under 800 calories a day. With this strategy, I eat nutritious food, feel satiated, and don’t constantly think about eating. If I get hungry, I eat, but it’s really small portions. I was getting wicked heartburn and acid reflux until I got on Pepcid ac. I didn't want to have an empty stomach because of it. But now the medication is really effective so I can fast.

I’ve been writing down calories for the most part but I got tripped up. For a week I tried Hello Fresh. It was good but I didn’t keep it up because it wasn’t keto. I got a coupon from a family member and took advantage of it. I ate a lot of rice. I miss rice and pasta most. I want to be known for my mind, not my body, but why I’m losing weight is because thinner is healthier.

Media Consumption

I saw a documentary on Netflix about Bob Lazar and how he worked on alien flying technology at Area 51, it was interesting. The Pentagon has lost trillions of dollars. It’s not a stretch of the imagination that the government could (at least) afford to house aliens and their technology if they wanted to. I’ve also been looking into Ancient Aliens, but have only seen a couple of episodes so far. I get it, the gods in ancient times were aliens, they visited us back then and now they visit us secretly today. Maybe, maybe not. But as Aristotle always said, “the mark of an educated mind is being able to entertain an idea without it being held as true.” I entertain the idea of aliens past and present and I like the Annunaki mythology most out of any origin story.

I’m really excited about “Streets of Dreams” hosted by Marcus Lemonis on CNBC. I have only seen what CNBC puts up on YouTube. I still watch YouTube the most. I find myself listening to highlights of the “Views” podcast with David Dobrik and Jason Nash who are funny and brighten my mood. I mostly watch documentaries and reality tv which I consider practical and my ‘dinner,’ whereas shows like “Views” are my dessert. I watch way more reality-based and non-fiction (like history) shows more.

I’ve been watching, “The Story of Us,” the “Cosmos: Possible Worlds” and “The Food That Built America” series. I wanna be a part of that story. In hip-hop, I’m selling myself and my music as a product. With books, I’m selling the development of philosophical ideas and my story as the product. I think focusing on the product and selling that divorced from myself is important. I want to learn and become fearless and great at selling a product. I think if I can learn that, everything else will come and I’ll be a part of that story.

Remission

Since I've been on my medication I can think more clearly about the future. I can actually be bored and then formulate what I want my future to be and reverse engineer how to get there. I can't focus and think about the future accurately off my medication.

I’m on the 3-month shot, Invega Trinza. I feel more clear than I’ve ever been. It took me years to get back to normal and for my medication to fully work. It’s not like I take my medication and everything is solved. It takes months to get stable. Doctors say I’m in remission. If you’re following the journal I probably entered remission around the beginning to mid-2019.

I look back at all the things I did and all the hell I put people through and I think “never again.” With all things considered I came out of the shenanigans pretty well. I have no criminal record. I have no history of violence. And I have great credit. Lesson learned, stay on your medication.

Looking Back

Back in 2007, I was studying business at GVSU. In what I think was the start of my schizophrenia episodes I had a change of heart, transferred to Eastern Michigan University, and pursued sociology. I think having a degree in science is valuable and helps me think correctly and critically but a large part of me wishes I had stayed with business.

It might be years and hard to get into grad school for sociology so I’ve switched gears more towards my business ambitions. Coldwater has a community college and I could pursue an associate in business which I hope my future employer will pay for otherwise it’ll be hard to afford. When I had my first schizophrenic episode in 2012 I was studying for a business certificate at Washtenaw community college. However, I never completed it and actually got a low grade because I didn’t show up to the final. I was in New York chasing Lady Gaga. It’ll look good on a college application to grad school if I go back to take a few classes and get my associates to show I’m stable and get a better grade in the class I left. I also want to take some courses on nutrition on Edx.org and create a portfolio of knowledge and accolades to make myself very marketable in the space.

Getting Down to Business

I am studying business and becoming much more business-oriented. I have the clarity of mind to become more ambitious, organized, and sophisticated. I’m much more focused on the future than the past, which I attribute to my medication. I have to figure out how to write a business plan for my food business. I hope to find steady part-time work and invest in the stock market and start-ups. I’m focused on playing by the rules of social security so I don’t get kicked off but be able to build wealth. Let’s just say it’s challenging.

The Biden Plan

I’m excited to see what Biden does with social security and I plan on writing people in the government about making a better system that doesn’t have such strict limitations for people who want to work on disability and keep their healthcare. The Supreme Court will also be deciding on the Affordable Care Act. If it were to be canceled that would affect me if I ever got off of disability because they could deny my pre-existing condition of schizophrenia. This would make my medication unaffordable and very expensive which could leave me in misery. If you fail you sit in poverty, if I fail I go delusional and get screamed at by voices in my head. Life’s not fair.

With that said, I feel very fortunate that I didn't have to work during the pandemic. I’m also very grateful to be on social security disability. But there is much more room for improvement.

In Conclusion

Check out the 2021 Blog Navigation List Visit EricLeo.org for my web presence.

Thank you for being here Thank you for being a part of my family You're awesome! I love you very much

Until next time.

#Journal #Marcus Lemonis #David Dobrick #Bob Lazar #Joe Biden #Ancient Aliens #weightloss #keto #business

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sospeedy · 7 years ago

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Payback

Characters: @im-not-a-liar @sospeedy @chasestxin @goldenelixxir

Mentions: @whatoswaldwants

Tommy: He'd found Chase across town, but that distance was nothing to Tommy. He was rushing back up the steps to the apartment door a couple of seconds after hoisting Chase out of the mud. Considering both of his arms were occupied, he kicked at the door with the tip of his shoe. "Hey! Open the door!" Thierry was no doubt still sleeping, but Tommy had never tried vibrating through an object with another person and it didn't seem like the time to experiment.

Chase: As much as Chase hated letting anyone help him - especially Tommy fucking Shepherd - he really wasn't in a place to argue. It was all he could do to cling on, breathing laborious. He didn't think any organs were punctured, at least based on what he knew, but that wasn't saying a lot. He wasn't exactly a medical expert, and even if he was, he was in no condition to assess himself beyond 'fuck that fucking hurts'. It registered in the back of his mind that he'd never actually been here before, and he rather dreaded the idea of being here, in Tommy and Tea's shared space, but he didn't have anywhere else to go.

Thierry: The kick on the door yanked him from a deep sleep. Heart pounding, Thierry fished around in the dark until he found a shirt that didn't belong to him. It had to be Tommy's, since he always put his clothes away. He pulled it over his head and quickly went to the door, pulling it open. The sight that greeted him was the very last thing he'd expected. Eyes wide, the color drained from his face and his lips parted in shock. "What happened??" At the same time he moved back to the couch, his hands beginning to shake. "Here, put him here."

Tommy: "Dunno," Tommy carried him over to the couch and laid him down as gingerly as possible, as if it actually mattered at that point. Jekyll jumped up onto one of the barstools and watched the whole scene with one bright eye. "Went for a run, found him on the side of the road." He took the Fistigons and laid them down on the coffee table. "He said no hospital and I didn't know what the hell else to do with him so..." Bringing him back to the apartment didn't exactly improve the situation any, other than the fact that they weren't outside anymore. It's not like either he or Thierry were doctors.

Chase: Even the relatively soft material of the couch felt abrasive on Chase's raw skin, and he hissed. "Fuck." He was dazed, but conscious enough to murmur a tired "Hey, Tea." This hadn't exactly been the circumstances he'd hoped to see him again in - hell, this wasn't circumstances he'd considered, seeing as until now he had no reason to think he was in any danger - but he didn't have the energy to complain. He was getting blood on the couch, he noted. Oops.

Thierry: "The side of the road?" Thierry repeated needlessly, stepping back so he wouldn't get in the way when Tommy took Chase to the couch. "Hi," he replied softly, his throat feeling oddly thick. The sight of the blood combined with Chase's obvious pain made him feel paralyzed. "Watch him," he said to Tommy. "I'll - I'll be right back."

Tommy: "Side of the road," Tommy repeated. Once Thierry got up, Tommy sat down in the floor beside the couch. "So you got nothin else? You don't know who did this? No clue?" He could mumble if he wanted to, but they kind of needed something to go on. After about half a second Tommy got back up again, grabbed a clean towel from the bathroom, wet it, and brought it back to the couch. "This might suck. It'll be quick." With that warning, he wiped away the blood from Chase's face and whatever else he could do without removing any clothes or moving him around.

Chase: Chase tensed, but didn't flinch, not letting himself duck away from the touch. "No fuckin' idea," he said bitterly. That was new. Usually he figured out pretty quickly who was trying to kill him - or more accurately, he didn't, but Nico and Victor and, a long time ago, Gert and Alex, did. "Some dick kept ramming into the van," he said, voice hoarse. "Pulled over and.." he gestured as best he could with how well his hands were currently working. They'd been protected by the fistigons, but the rest of his arms hadn't had as much luck. "This happened."

Thierry: When Thierry returned to the couch, he was surprised to see that Tommy had already gotten a damp towel and he set his own aside. He kept his gaze down and quietly opened the pill bottle he'd gotten from his room. They were strong. He'd known too many addicts not to have access to things like this, though he didn't take them himself... as much. "Here," he whispered softly, picking up a glass of water he'd set on the table next to the towel. "Take these. It will make you feel better." Despite how calm he seemed, his hands shook as he reached out, but hesitated when he saw Chase's hands. "Do you need help taking them?"

Tommy: Tommy moved out of the way when Thierry came back. Now that they were all actually there, he was starting to feel a little weird about it. Thierry had -just- told him that he'd gone to see Chase and kissed him. Granted, he'd followed that up with a lot of other stuff, but the other stuff hadn't gone that well (because he'd fucked it up). "So...what're we supposed to do? He said no hospital." And he wasn't inclined to drag him there against his will. He also couldn't keep laying on the couch indefinitely.

Chase: Chase wanted to refuse, but he considered the way his rib felt like it was scraping against his lung with every breath and nodded hesitantly. "M'not dying," he informed them, before having to pause to dribble more blood out of his mouth. "That's fucking disgusting," he said flatly, "Sorry 'bout your couch." He tried to, at least, before getting another flash of pain. "Shit," he said, strained. "Sorry. Yeah, not dying. Definitely not dying on your fucking couch, anyway."

Thierry: Sitting on the very edge of the couch, Thierry gently helped Chase swallow the pills, not even flinching when he saw the blood even though it made his heart sink. He put his hand against the back of Chase's head so he could sit up and drink water so that the medicine would wash down. The very thought of Chase dying was sending him into a quiet panic and he looked at Tommy, his voice soft and pleading. "We have to get Josh. He can help him. If he doesn't want to go to the hospital then he is our only option."

Tommy: "...Yeah. Yeah, alright. How am I supposed to do that?" Josh had helped -him- but Tommy didn't have anything to do with arranging that. He didn't even know the guy outside of that 'hey thanks for fixing my broken head' interaction they'd had. "Am I just supposed to go knock on his door and bring him?" He suspected that was probably what his grandfather had done, but Tommy didn't exactly have Magneto-levels of street cred and intimidation to just go show up and demand something.

Chase: Just the act of swallowing hurt like a bitch, but Chase made a face and tolerated it. He wasn't dying, at least, he didn't think so. He hadn't been exaggerating, unless he'd severely misjudged his condition. To be fair, that was very possible. He wasn't a genius on his best days, and this was far from it. "The shiny dude?" He was likely wrong, but he doubted there were too many freaky mutant healers in Star City who happened to be named Josh. As much of a weirdo magnet as the city seemed to be, that description was specific enough.

Thierry: "I can text him," Thierry said calmly. He knew where to find Josh, but the thought of going across town and looking for him was not a welcoming one. He was too injured. He didn't want to risk it. Without responding to Chase, he took out his phone and wrote a message, his fingers still trembling.

Josh: It was far too early to actually be awake, but Josh never turned his phone off. By the second chime, he rolled over and grabbed for it. [txt]I can come to you. Where?[/txt] Within a few minutes he was out of bed, dressed, and out the door. He could've and maybe should have asked more questions before just agreeing to go, but this was part of it.

Chase: "Is anyone going to tell me what's going on?" Chase asked, or attempted to. It was mostly unintelligible, and he scowled and shook his head. "Never fuckin' mind." He felt somewhat more conscious, like he wasn't on the verge of passing out any longer, but it was getting more difficult to speak, even if he could articulate things better than before.

Tommy: "He's trying to get someone to help you," Tommy snapped, maybe unnecessarily. He folded his arms and glanced toward the door. "If we wait on him to get here it'll take forever. Tell him to meet me." Tommy named off some restaurant he went past all the time that was on the way from the part of town Josh was apparently coming from. "It's all aboard the friggin' Tommy train today, I guess." With that, he took off, leaving Thierry and Chase to deal with themselves for a little while.

Thierry: Thierry looked up at Tommy when he said that, then nodded in agreement and quickly sent the location to Josh, letting him to know that Tommy would meet him there. He started to say something, but the Tommy took off and he fell silent. Putting down his phone, he turned more toward Chase, reaching for the towel he'd set aside so he could brush the blood off the corner of his lips. "Don't try to speak. You're going to be all right... I promise. He's almost here and he'll help you. Just stay with me."

Chase: "M'fine," Chase insisted, shaking his head. He wasn't - that much was obvious - but he wasn't on death's door either. He'd dealt with worse, but the worst part had honestly been how completely blindsided he'd been by the whole thing. He should've had his guard up. "I'll be okay, y'know," he told Thierry more gently. "I always am. Don't have to worry."

Tommy: Josh had tried to ask questions when he got there but Tommy didn't have time (or answers) and had hoisted him up as unceremoniously as he'd picked up Chase earlier. Not too long after he'd taken off, he and Josh were back at the apartment. "Delivery," he announced, like he had to make himself known before he got all the way in the door.

Thierry: Thierry shook his head when Chase said that, a small, wry smile on the edge of his lips. "You always say that and I never believe you." He hesitated, but then reached out to gently push a bloodied piece of hair away from Chase's cheek. The sound at the door made him look up and he stood to get out of the way, now focused on Josh, and his expression was apologetic. "I'm sorry. I need your help."

Josh: "Kinda worried that all three of you know each other and someone always needs my help." Not that he needed to be told that. The blood on the couch and Chase's...everything, basically, was enough of a clue. "What happened?" He walked over to the couch and knelt down, pushing away the towel Tommy had been using earlier.

Chase: "I got fuckin' jumped," Chase said dryly, or as dryly as was possible when there was still blood in his mouth. "Some fuckin' douche kept rear-ending me, and then I pulled over, and a few guys came and beat the snot out of me." His focus was still on Thierry, and the apparent concern on his face. "I've had worse," he insisted.

Tommy: There were too many people in the living room. He was pretty sure there had never been that many people in the apartment at once, period. It's not like Thierry threw parties or anything, and pretty much all the 'friends' he had were in the room. Anyway, he was pretty sure that his 'job' in all of it was done. As Josh assessed Chase's injuries, Tommy disappeared into the bedroom. Chase was bigger than he was, but he could deal with some tight, not-bloody and fucked up clothes.

Thierry: The story made Thierry's heart sink, even though he had known from the beginning that this had everything to do with him. His talk with Oswald had been cryptic, but he was intelligent enough to connect the dots. He shook his head when Chase said he'd had worse, turning away so he wouldn't see the look on his face. He followed Tommy into the bedroom and shut the door, but stayed by it as he spoke to him quietly. "I know why this happened."

Josh: "Two broken ribs," Josh said, half talking to himself, but sort of telling Chase what he felt. "Liver laceration. Minor." There were a few other things - common trauma injuries. He had deep bruises on different areas of his body, cuts, abrasions, so on. "This is going to feel uncomfortable for a little bit." Josh tugged Chase's shirt up over his stomach until he could lay his hands on his side, just above the two broken ribs. Bones mending together did not feel -good.- He couldn't do anything about that part, though.

Chase: Chase hissed, unable to keep from flinching this time. He'd been healed before - Nico - but it hadn't been this kind of damage, and it hadn't been this fast either. "Okay," he mumbled, breathing still shallow. "Fuck, okay."

Tommy: Tommy tossed a t-shirt onto the bed and turned around. "What are you talking about? He said he had no idea who it was. Just some guys running the van off the road." Tommy hadn't even thought to ask about the van when he'd found him. It hadn't been anywhere in sight. Now that had him wondering just how far Chase had managed to walk before he ran across him.

Thierry: Thierry was silent for a few seconds before speaking again, carefully. "Because Penguin knew about what happened. He did it, out of revenge for... my refusal to take the job." He knew he wouldn't get out of the arrangement scot-free. There would be a catch, somewhere, and this was it. "He did it. And he might come after you next."

Chase: It wasn't the most comfortable place in the world, but Chase had slept in stranger locations. Josh had said something about stimulating melatonin production - whatever he'd done, Chase was suddenly feeling the last couple days' exhaustion like he hadn't since getting fucked up. He figured it'd be safe to sleep now that he was healed, and though he tried to stay awake long enough for Thierry to come back, he couldn't, and fell asleep.

#chatzy #im-not-a-liar #chasestxin #sospeedy #goldenelixxir

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