cjjohansson

[cjjohansson]

DRAMAAAA I LOVE IT SO MUCH

FUCK YOU WANDA

The Maid - Part 2

Socialite!Wanda Maximoff x Beefy!Rich!Reader*

Maid!Natasha Romanoff x Beefy!Rich!Reader*

18+ only, read at your own risk

Word count: 4705

Summary: You are married to a wealthy socialite, but your newly hired housemaid doesn’t approve of the marriage.

AN: Thank you so much for the response to part 1! And thank you to everyone who was so patient and understanding for this part taking a while to write. I hope you all like it.

*Reader has a penis, no pronouns used.

Wanda seems to be in a better mood lately, Natasha notices, probably because the two of you rekindled whatever complicated romance you had going on. And as sad and lonely as it had made Natasha feel, at least Wanda was being less rude to her, and that would always be a win in her book.

The grocery trips and errands she sends Natasha on are less demanding, although Natasha’s unsure if she’s becoming more comfortable or Wanda’s gotten less picky. Wanda still requests Natasha’s help for her weekly meetings, and Natasha cannot understand why someone who is unemployed goes so out of her way to find the most mundane, meaningless things to participate in. But it keeps Natasha paid and busy, and she still gets to see you a few times a week.

“What are you doing this weekend, Natasha?” Wanda asks while the two of them are in the kitchen. Wanda is on her laptop while Natasha stands at the counter, cutting vegetables for dinner.

“Um…” Natasha knows better than to tell Wanda the truth, which is that she’ll be sitting alone in her apartment for the next two days and eating ice cream on her couch. “Some friends invited me to go shopping with them at the mall,” she lies. She doesn’t have friends and she certainly doesn’t have the budget to shop at a mall after all the debt she still owes.

“I’ll be gone all weekend with some girlfriends,” Wanda says, not even acknowledging Natasha’s plans, which makes her wonder why she had even bothered to ask in the first place. “I’m not into wine tasting much, but the girls go nuts for it. I’m just going for the spa at the resort, between you and me.”

Natasha has no idea what to do with this information. But she’s spared from answering when the garage door rumbles open.

Wanda slams her laptop shut. “Oh, Y/N is home early.” She gets up to greet you. Natasha can hear your voices carry through the hall.

“You’re early tonight,” Wanda says. “I was just telling Natasha about my weekend plans to Vermont with the girls–”

“Your weekend plans?” you interrupt. “Since when did you have plans to go to Vermont?” Natasha has never heard you sound genuinely angry before. She stops cutting the carrots to focus on eavesdropping.

“Carol wanted to go for her birthday!” your wife says.

“Wanda,” you say, your voice lowering. “Our anniversary is this weekend. I booked us a stay at the Ritz and got us tickets to see Wicked–”

“Well, just ask for a refund!” Wanda hisses. Natasha is stunned that this is her first response to forgetting about her entire anniversary with you. “And we can celebrate when I get back–”

“‘Get back?’” you repeat. “That’s not the point, Wanda. Why don’t you ask for a refund for your trip–”

“I can’t do that to the girls,” Wanda says. “Carol’s been looking forward to this for months!”

You mumble something that Natasha can’t hear. She feels awful for you. Clearly, you had spent a lot of money and time planning a nice outing, and your wife didn’t seem to care one bit. In fact, she tried to put the blame on you for intruding on her plans. Natasha felt herself shaking with rage for you. You deserved so much better.

The two of you trudge into the kitchen and Natasha hastily goes back to cutting the carrots. Wanda is hanging onto your arm, tiptoeing to whisper into your ear but you shake her off and walk through the kitchen to the staircase. Natasha knows that Wanda is glaring at the back of her head, probably upset that she had overheard, but for once she doesn’t say anything and disappears after you.

The mood is particularly subdued when Natasha serves up roasted salmon with a colorful vegetable medley and mashed potatoes. 

“Thank you, Natasha,” you say as she hands you a loaded plate. 

Wanda doesn’t say anything when Natasha gives her a plate.

While the two of you eat in awkward silence, Natasha cleans up the kitchen, her final task of the day. She grabs her purse and heads towards the door, when she hears footsteps behind her.

It’s you.

“Can I walk you out to your car?” you ask. “I know it’s a safe neighborhood, but I don’t want you walking out in the dark by yourself.”

Natasha is so flattered by your offer she doesn’t stop to consider how Wanda might feel about this.

“Sure, I really appreciate that. Thank you.” She leads the way out of your house.

“Sorry you always have to park around the corner,” you add, maintaining a respectful distance from her on the sidewalk. “I’ve told Wanda the whole neighborhood knows you work for us. But she’s…” you trail off, clearly not wanting to speak ill of your wife.

“I’m sorry she forgot your anniversary,” Natasha blurts out. 

You seem startled that Natasha had been eavesdropping, but quickly recover. “Well, it’s…it’s not the first time she’s done it,” you admit in a soft voice. “I don’t know why I bother trying to do anything special anymore. It’s just another day to her. And it seems like she’d rather spend it with anyone but me.”

“She’s missing out,” Natasha says, surprised by her own confidence. “You’re a wonderful person and you deserve someone who will appreciate the efforts you go to celebrate important milestones like that.” She stops before she can offer herself up.

“Oh. Well, thank you. That’s very kind of you to say.” 

The two of you stop at Natasha’s beat-up Nissan. 

“Thanks for walking me to my car–” she starts.

“Are you busy this weekend?” you ask suddenly, in a rushed whisper as if Wanda is around the corner listening. “If you’re not, would you like to see Wicked with me at the Gershwin Theater? I told Wanda I could probably get a credit with the Ritz, but I don’t want to deal with the hassle of exchanging the tickets, too. You can come over Saturday night and I’ll drive us?”

Natasha is so shocked by your proposal she doesn’t even have the words to agree at first. Growing up, she had loved watching musical movies until the VHS tapes wore out, but she had never had the opportunity to see a live performance. Even now as an adult, she still didn’t have the time nor the budget to see a show. To hear you ask that you wanted her to join you, when you had bought the tickets for you and your wife to enjoy on your anniversary she had forgotten, sounded almost too good to be true.

But if Wanda found out you had taken Natasha instead of her…Natasha shuddered at the thought. Maybe this was stepping over the line of professionalism. Natasha wanted to keep her job (and her head), and as much as the opportunity was a dream come true for her, she didn’t want to take advantage of your kindness or weakness.

“Um, I’m supposed to go shopping at the mall with some friends on Saturday,” Natasha says, cringing at the patheticness of her life. “But really–thank you for inviting me. I’m sure you have friends you’d rather take over your maid.”

“I don’t have any friends,” you say, so deadpan that Natasha almost laughs but quickly turns it into a cough when she realizes you’re being serious. While you seemed more reserved than your wife, Natasha refused to believe you didn’t have a strong social network. You were in charge of your own company and clearly doing well if you lived in this neighborhood and could afford a personal housemaid like her.

“Good evening!” The two of you startle when a cheery voice comes out of nowhere.

“Hello, Mr. Vision,” Natasha says, spotting the eccentric man first as he walks by at a rapid pace.

“Late night walk, Vis?” you call out, and he nods with a wave, pumping his arms faster and milling away. The only thing Natasha knew about Vision was that he lived by himself at the end of the street. He had no wife or kids that she knew of, not even a job as he was constantly seen walking around the neighborhood at odd hours. But he never approached Natasha or made her feel uncomfortable, which was more than she could say for most of the people living here, so she was happy to ignore him.

When Vision moves out of sight, you say, “Well, if your plans happen to change…” You fumble in your pockets awkwardly, pulling out a bent business card and handing it to Natasha. “My cell number is on there. Text me before Saturday if you’re still interested.”  

“Okay.” Natasha doesn’t want to get your hopes (or hers) up, but she still isn’t convinced this is a good idea. “Have a good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Natasha.”

She loves the way her name sounds coming out of your mouth.

***********************************************************************

Natasha is still unsure she made the right decision to turn down your offer to see Wicked. She even called her only friend, Clint, to ask if she should’ve said yes.

“Well, you’re just seeing a show together. Think of it like a work bonus or something. Bosses give their employees nice stuff like that all the time,” Clint says as Natasha picks at a box of takeout in front of the television. Cooking at home was not her favorite chore after doing it all day for her clients.

“Yes, but it’s just the two of us,” Natasha stresses. “Y/N got the tickets to celebrate an anniversary and Wanda already hates me as it is–”

“Nah, she doesn’t hate you,” Clint says.

“You haven’t met her! You don’t see the way she treats me.”

“Exactly. Maybe this is Y/N’s way of apologizing for her behavior,” Clint says.

“I don’t know…” It was already Friday night. Natasha didn’t have much time now to change her mind if she was going to.

“Be nice to yourself, Nat. Let someone do something for you,” Clint goes on. “You work so hard for these people all the time. And I know how much you’ve always wanted to see a live performance.” Natasha feels tears well up in her eyes. She wishes Clint was here in person so she could give him a hug. “Nothing bad will happen. Just tell Y/N you want to go before someone else takes your spot.”

Natasha takes a steely breath. Clint is right. It wasn’t a date. It just was her nice boss treating her out to a Broadway show. Never mind the fact that you had intended to take your wife initially. Wanda would never have to know, right?

“Okay. Thanks, Clint.”

“Enjoy!”

As soon as she hangs up, Natasha goes into her texts. She already created a contact for you the night you gave her your business card. Her anxiety is through the roof as she types out a message to you, then deletes it and starts over. She gets more and more frustrated trying to find the right words, before she finally throws in the towel and clicks “Send.”

Less than a minute later, you respond.

Happiness explodes inside of Natasha. She can hardly believe her luck. Not only does she get to see her first Broadway show, but she gets to see it with you, and have dinner on top of it. She darts over to her closet, looking for the nicest dress she owns.

Wanda be damned. Natasha was going to have a great night with you. 

***********************************************************************

“Table for two, please.”

“Did you have a reservation?” the blonde woman at the podium asks.

“No,” you respond.

“Oh, well, I’m so sorry, but we’re all booked out for the evening,” she apologizes. 

Natasha stands behind you meekly. She can’t even pronounce the name of the restaurant and doesn’t know what kind of food they serve, but it’s probably far beyond anything she could ever afford. She’s wearing a dark green dress that almost reaches her ankles and is conservative in protecting her assets, and spent over an hour doing her makeup, and she wonders if strangers will look at the two of you and assume you’re a couple. She wouldn’t go out of her way to correct them.   

“That’s okay. This was a last-minute plan for us,” you explain. “If Tony is working tonight, can you please tell him Y/N stopped by to say hello?”

“Wait, you know Mr. Stark?” the woman pales. “Don’t go anywhere. You said your name is Y/N?”

You smile and nod. The woman steps down from her podium and dashes into the back. 

“I thought you said you didn’t have any friends,” Natasha boldly teases. 

You turn and wink at her. 

“Tony and I went to college together,” you explain, although this implies you shared a friendship of some kind. “And clearly, his business is doing better than mine–”

The woman quickly returns with a short bearded man wearing a gray suit with red-tinted glasses that match his tie. 

“Y/N!” Tony shouts, embracing you in a dramatic hug. “You should’ve told me you were coming tonight! I could’ve put together a private booth in the back–”

“It was last-minute,” you say. “This is Natasha, by the way. She’s a friend.” Natasha is thrilled at the way you associate her with you.

“Hello, Natasha, I’m Tony.” He takes her hand and gently kisses her knuckles. He doesn’t seem surprised you haven’t brought Wanda along instead. “I take it you haven’t been here before, Miss Natasha? You won’t need a menu, I’ll have the chef bring out the best dishes we have tonight.”

“That’s very kind of you,” you say. 

“Follow me! You can have a table in our east wing. Where’s Wanda?” Tony says rapid-fire, turning around and leading them deeper into the restaurant. You step out of the way and motion to let Natasha go first, and she feels your hand graze her back as she walks past you. 

“She’s out with her girlfriends for the weekend,” you answer from behind Natasha. 

“Your anniversary is coming up, right?” Tony asks.

“Yes,” you respond, your voice suddenly tense.

The restaurant is packed, every visible table filled with customers, until they turn around a corner to a quiet, completely empty area.

“Pick any table. I’ll have a waiter come out with some drinks shortly,” Tony says.

“Thanks, Tony.”

“Thank you, Tony,” Natasha echoes, unsure if she likes this special treatment. You pick a table near the corner and pull her chair out for her. As soon as the two of you are seated, a waiter in a vested suit appears with a few bottles of wine, making suggestions and pouring samples into the glasses. Natasha doesn’t have enough knowledge to understand what he’s saying or differentiate the tastes, but she enjoys the experience. It feels strange to have someone serve her, when she’s normally the one waiting on people’s every demand. 

The two of you share several appetizers together. Natasha feels like she’s floating in a dream. You have been nothing but generous and respectful to her, but every time your left hand reaches across the table for the caviar, the wedding ring on your finger taunts her. 

The dinner itself is a four-course affair, including a rich chocolate cake that Natasha devours faster than she can fully enjoy. When the bill arrives (which Tony has already chopped in half), Natasha still asks if she can chip in (despite knowing full well she doesn’t have the money to cover even her portion), but you push her card away and give the waiter your black card.

The theater is three blocks from Tony’s restaurant, so you leave your car in valet parking and ask Natasha if she’s okay walking. She had not planned ahead very well, so she only has a thin cardigan to cover her shoulders. You notice her shivering and offer her your heavy black jacket that completely engulfs her frame. Your scent completely surrounds her now and Natasha swears she won’t wash this dress ever again.

The line into the theater moves quickly and Natasha follows you all the way down to the front, where your seats are perfectly center to the stage. She crawls over a few people, feeling a little smug about getting some of the best seats in the house. You had truly spoiled her tonight and she was never going to forget this. 

She leans over to whisper to you before the show begins. “Thank you for everything tonight. I’ve already had so much fun and the dinner was amazing.”

“You’re very welcome. Thank you for joining me, and thank you for all the hard work you do for my family,” you say and Natasha beams. “Me and Wanda really appreciate it.” Natasha deflates a little at the mention of your wife, but she pushes her out of her mind to focus on her time with you. 

As they wait, Natasha props her arm up on the armrest between you two so she can hold the playbill at a comfortable angle to read. Suddenly, your arm drops heavily on hers and she looks at you in confusion. You’re reading your own playbill and don’t seem to notice that your massive arm is practically crushing hers.

“Um, Y/N?” she prompts, clearing her throat.

“Hmm? Oh!” You quickly move your arm off hers. “I’m so sorry, I thought that was Wanda’s arm,” you explain with a nervous chuckle. Natasha laughs too, although she isn’t sure if she should be happy or worried that she reminds you of your wife. She’d be happy to take Wanda’s place any day, though. 

The musical is amazing, impressive beyond anything Natasha had ever expected. She cries when Elphaba defies gravity, and after the whirlwind of the second act, she is among the first to give a standing ovation. She’s floating on cloud nine as she walks with you out of the theater back to the car.

The drive back to your home is quick at the late hour. Just as you're about to pull into the driveway, you slam hard on the brakes, jolting everyone forward. Vision power walks past the beams of your headlights, only breaking the pump of his arms to wave in thanks.

“What is he doing out so late?” you ask, and Natasha is relieved to know she’s not the only one who thinks his habits are a bit odd.

“No idea,” she mumbles, watching you pull onto the driveway and stop.

“Thank you so much, Y/N,” Natasha says, still giddy with excitement.“This was the best night of my life. I’ve always wanted to see a Broadway show, ever since I was a little girl. I never thought I’d get the chance, even after I moved here–”

“You’re very welcome,” you interrupt, seeming almost shy with the praise.

“I’m sorry Wanda wasn’t able to join you for your own anniversary,” she adds, although she’s not sure why.

You shrug. “Nothing we can do about it now. Besides, I’m glad you were able to join me and had such a fun night. I don’t think this would have been nearly as fun by myself.”

There is a pause and Natasha has to force herself to stop looking at your lips. If she had no self-restraint, it wouldn’t have taken much for her to lean over the center console and kiss you.

“Have a good night, Natasha. Drive home safely,” you say as the two of you get out of the car.

“Thank you again!” Natasha doesn’t even listen to music on her way home, riding out the high of what was easily one of the most memorable nights of her life in over a decade.

***********************************************************************

A few weeks later, Natasha is working a double shift: the first one at Steve’s house, and the second at yours. You’re away at work, as usual, but she knows you’ll be home before she leaves for the day, and she never takes any glimpse of you for granted. Wanda is also back to being demanding and cranky, and Natasha has no idea if you told her about the night the two of you had together. She had felt the silent instruction from you not to blab about her taking Wanda’s place and was happy to keep the memories to herself.

She’s in the front hall, mopping while quietly humming “Defying Gravity” to herself, when Wanda clacks by in high-heels.

“Natasha!” she hisses. “Didn’t I tell you to start in the kitchen? If I slip out here because the floor is wet–”

“So sorry!” Natasha apologizes, hoping that she doesn’t finish her sentence. “I’ll put a fan on.” She rests her mop against the wall and darts off for the $300 Dyson fan in the closet. After pointing it towards the gleaming floor, she pushes her cart into the kitchen and continues mopping. She makes sure to open the window to air out the smell, and notices Steve across the street mowing his lawn. 

She stares at him, wondering if he can see her, and her question is quickly answered when Steve waves to her. She returns his wave with a smile, then goes back to her task before Wanda can complain she isn’t working hard enough. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees him back away from his lawn mower and answer his phone; he disappears into his house hurriedly. 

“Natasha! Always make sure you open a window when you mop!” Wanda’s screech comes out of nowhere. “The chemicals you use give me a headache!”

“Oh, but the window is open–” Natasha tries to explain, but Wanda silences her with a wave of her hand.

“I’m on the phone!” she says, pointing to the cell phone held up to her ear. Natasha bites her lip, but holds her tongue. “Sorry, honey, what was that? No, I was talking to the maid,” she says. Natasha perks up despite the way Wanda titles her. You’re clearly on the other line, and maybe you’ll be home sooner than expected.

But Wanda disappears into a guest room (your house had so many of those), and Natasha can no longer hear her conversation. She dutifully continues to mop the floor, careful to fan the mop in a semi-circle pattern so as not to trap herself in a corner. She moves the chairs to the hallway one at a time, cursing their awkward shape that makes them difficult to carry and taking special care not to scrape the feet along the floor. 

Wanda’s shrill voice carries through the house again, this time covering a topic that makes Natasha’s cheeks heat up.

“Oh my God, yes, I’m still thinking about last night,” Wanda says. “When you had my legs behind my head–”

Natasha tries not to picture Wanda folded up like a pretzel while you plow into her. But she can imagine herself in a similar position (she’s not so confident in her own flexibility, but she’d make it work for you). Your hands could probably fit around her whole thighs as you push her legs apart wider, thrusting your hips in long strokes to fit your big dick into her. Natasha is embarrassed to admit that the last time she had masturbated, she had thought of you the whole time.

How much more you’d fill her compared to the flimsy toy she was using. How you would feel throbbing inside her, your body pressed hot and heavy against hers as you beg for her permission to finish. Imagining having you like that, with that kind of control, brought Natasha to the most amazing orgasm of her life. If only you had been there to share it with her. 

“I didn’t know if you’d be able to go another round, but you proved me wrong,” Wanda continues, and Natasha picks up on how breathless she sounds. She wonders if she’s touching herself right now, with Natasha mopping in the kitchen. Somehow, that wouldn’t be shocking to her. “You were still so hard when I put you down my throat.”

A lightning bolt of arousal strikes Natasha’s core. She can’t focus on mopping anymore, staring blankly out the kitchen window, lost in the new filthy fantasy playing in her head, guided by Wanda’s narration. 

Natasha lies between your legs, her lips barely brushing your hips as she takes your cock down her throat. She prays her gag reflex doesn’t protest at the obstruction in her airway, but despite the slight discomfort, she wants to do this all day. Your pants and moans are like music in her ears, urging her on to suck harder and take you deeper.

“Please Nat,” your voice wavers. The muscle fibers in your thighs are visibly tensed and your back arches off the bed when Natasha pushes your hips down, trying to maintain some kind of control over you. But your body seems to have a mind of its own, with only one goal in mind. 

“It’s almost like I can still taste you.”

You poke at the back of her throat and Natasha can feel the hot throbbing of your cock in her mouth. She’s so eager to swallow anything you’ll give her, she’s almost embarrassed in her desperation, but when your hands cup the back of her head, pushing her down so she can fit the last inch down her throat, she knows the two of you are on equal planes of passion.

Your entire body flexes and the anticipation for Natasha is overwhelming. You finally inhale sharply as the first hot spurt lands on her tongue. 

“Being on your knees for me is a good look for you.”

Natasha tips her head back against the wall, her fingers tangling in your hair. One of her legs rests on your shoulder while the other is spread far apart so you can kneel between them, your mouth pressed against her heat. Your tongue swirls around her clit and Natasha fears she won’t be able to stay standing much longer. 

“Y/N,” she pants, clutching your head tighter and rocking her hips forward. “I need you.”

Your fingernails dig harder into her thigh to still her. You look up into her eyes and Natasha thinks she’s going to finish right there. “You have me, baby. I’m all yours.”

“But there’s really only one place you belong.”

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” you grunt, almost sending Natasha headfirst into the headboard with every one of your thrusts. “I could stay inside you forever.”

Natasha hums at the praise. She’s holding on the bedsheets for life, spasming and clenching around you, trying to pull you in deeper. You fill her so perfectly, she’s convinced her body was made for yours. 

“Tell me I’m better than her,” Natasha gasps, fighting to delay her own release.

“Fuck Wanda,” you grunt, pulling back on Natasha’s hips at the same time you thrust forward, burying your entire length into her. “I love you, Natasha. You’re the only one I ever want to be with.”

A noisy car engine pulls Natasha out of her head. Her face feels flushed with arousal, and she knows what she’s doing the second she goes home. Your green car suddenly pulls into the driveway but stops. You get out and walk to the street, grabbing one of the trash bins and pulling it towards the house.

“I can’t wait for you to fuck me again,” Wanda says in the background.

The realization crashes down on Natasha’s head like a cold shower. She watches you grab the second bin with both hands, carefully walking backwards with it.

You’re not on the phone and you’re standing 30 feet away from Natasha. If Wanda’s not on the phone with you, then who is she talking to?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Who do you think Wanda was talking to? 👀

To be continued...(hopefully)

Please like, reblog, and comment! Follow for more content. 🥰

[cjjohansson]

>Men and minors dni<

Nat as a needy!top, who keeps fucking you after the both of you've cum because you just feel too good and she can't stop

Nat as a needy!top, who tries to go slow so she can enjoy how good you feel but ends up pounding you into the mattress anyway because she just can't help herself

Nat as a needy!top, who's hands are always running up and down your body because she needs to feel every inch of you at all times

Nat as a needy!top, who's nails dig painfully into your hips as she helps you ride her—staring at the way your tits bounce with a hypnotized look on her face

Nat as a soft!dom, who gently massages your thighs while she eats you out after a long day at work

Nat as a soft!dom, who buries her face in your neck and whispers sweet praises into your ear as she fucks you

Nat as a soft!dom, who loves to lazily fuck you awake in the mornings, her fingers pumping in and out of you at a gentle pase

Nat as a soft!dom, who coos and wipes away your tears when you get too overstimulated—slowing down just a tad

Nat as a mean!dom, who loves to spit into your mouth and make you swallow She'll spit on that cunt too

Nat as a mean!dom, who keeps your hands pinned above your head at all times so you don't accidentally touch her without her permission when your brain is fuzzy from how good she makes you feel.

Nat as a mean!dom, who makes you watch her fuck you in the mirror so you can see how good she makes you feel

Nat as a mean!dom, who will edge you for hours before fucking you hard with almost no warning—making you cum as many times as you can physically take so she can see the way you cry and writhe under her

[cjjohansson]

The Next Copernicus

Scarlett Johansson x Reader

Word Count: 1.9k

A/N: This is a lovely prompt from a lovely anon. It also uses a prompt from @taylorswiftmicrofic for the 16th of January, which is 'golden'.

.

Sometimes Scarlett gave you a look. 

It was a careful kind of look. A cautious smile and a long stare. 

It was gratitude. 

Usually, you’d reach for her hand. You’d give it a small squeeze and let her smile widen with the easy pleasure of being together. 

You didn’t say anything because she didn’t need to be grateful. You had no right to expect a beautiful life to be simple. For one thing, it wouldn’t be half as interesting.

.

The introduction to Scarlett’s daughter was always going to be a slow one. You supported it readily. It was easy to tell that they were each other’s world.

When Scarlett talked about her daughter, you could tell you were listening to her biggest fan. It was the kind of endless love that can’t hide itself. A dry comment about her never-ending princess phase, sounded too tender to be sarcasm.

Scarlett asked you about the future after only a few dates. You could tell she was nervous about bringing it up. She told you that she knew it was stupid to be asking. She told you she didn’t really expect any answers. 

You’d been expecting the conversation. With her career, an international co-parenting arrangement and a young daughter. Scarlett was like the sun in a complicated solar system. There was no question of expecting all the sunlight for yourself.

You told her that. In a stumbling explanation that sounded silly to your own ears.

Scarlett’s smile softened. She gave you a careful kind of look.

‘I’m not really the sun.’ She said after a moment. ‘Sometimes none of it is easy. I’m not easy. Sometimes I’m horrible. I’m mean and tired and stressed because everything is going wrong and it feels like my fault.’ 

You remembered the last date you’d had with her. It had been the evening after Scarlett’s daughter had left to stay with her father. Scarlett had barely mentioned that fact in passing when she’d invited you to her house.

Something had felt off from the start. A quiet exhaustion from her that you couldn’t place. Scarlett kept closer to you than usual but you could tell her mind was farther away. She started telling you she was worried about a new project she’d signed up for, and then she trailed off halfway forgetting her train of thought.  

She’d offered to cook on the phone, but when it got late she just shrugged and suggested take out instead. She drank more wine than usual, in that melancholy way that means it’s not about the wine. You could tell she didn’t like her home so empty. When you suggested staying over, she’d looked relieved. 

Scarlett’s life was complicated in ways that you knew you didn’t understand.

.

‘I’m not the sun.’ Scarlett repeated carefully, her tired stare willing you to heed the warning.

‘Okay.’ You’d shrugged, with a smile full of playful disagreement. You reached out casually until your hand brushed her arm.

You pretended to hiss out as you yanked your hand back. You pretended to cradle it to your chest.

‘Wow you’re like a million degrees.’ You muttered. You glanced back up to Scarlett and her smile full of exasperated fondness. 

You pretended to squint, shading your eyes. ‘Sorry, you’re just so blindingly bright.’

Scarlett smacked your arm playfully and then she kissed you with an urgency that told you everything she didn’t say.

.

You first met Scarlett’s daughter through a series of carefully constructed casual meetings. You came to hang out with her and Scarlett for a few hours one Saturday. You’d arrived more prepared than you’d ever been for a job interview.

Your Disney Princess knowledge was immediately to the test and you rattled off information confidently about Elsa and Anna and the overall state of Arendelle. 

After you made a comment about something being ‘so Olaf’, Scarlett turned to you with an exaggerated look of surprise.

‘I studied.’ You whispered with a wink as you grabbed her empty coffee mug and left to go refill it. Scarlett’s lips pressed together as she tried not to give you her widest smile. 

You smirked knowingly as you left.

.

It took six months to get to an easy rhythm. 

The first time it happened, Scarlett called you with barely hidden delight in her voice. She told you that her daughter had asked if you were free that Saturday. And if you’d ever been to see the ducks at the local park.

The stamp of approval from Scarlett’s daughter was slow to achieve and then unwaveringly absolute. She held your hand for an hour, pointing out the best parts of a park that was very ordinary. She explained which ducks were nicer than the others.

That night, after her daughter had gone to bed, Scarlett stood with you in the kitchen. You were going to leave any minute but the triumph of the day had kept you a little longer. A glass of white wine in one hand. Scarlett undid her hairstyle, letting the loose hair frame her face. Her eyes glittered when she looked at you. Unthinkingly perfect. 

Scarlett moved closer to you, she let her head rest on your shoulder. You swayed together to imaginary music. You kissed her hair and let the golden waves fill your mind. She was daylight in the morning, even at night. 

.

Going public was a phrase that you started to hear more and more. You must have missed the first time Scarlett had tentatively dropped it into a conversation. You’d clearly missed a few more cues. 

That’s what you learned when Scarlett returned to the bedroom to wake you up, still in her gym clothes from an early morning workout.

There was something confrontational about her stance at the end of the bed. The sharpness in the way she busied herself, changing into her clothes for the rest of the day.

‘You practically live here already.’ She told you in a slightly tense tone. 

‘I do.’ You agreed unsurely, trying not to look as sleepy as you felt. 

‘I know it’s horrible when a relationship goes public.’ Scarlett continued with a brittle kind of force. ‘No-one knows that better than me. It’s always horrible. It’s never easy. Last time -.’ She hesitated as she caught herself falling into a story about her ex. 

‘He hated it.’ You surmised carefully, offering her a cautious smile. 

‘Yes.’ Scarlett’s gaze turned worried now. She threw her t-shirt into the laundry basket. She paused for a moment, pretending to look out at the view of the backyard. After a moment, she asked quietly.

‘So, what about you? Would you hate it too?’

‘Being with you?’ You teased, leaning forward to touch her bare back reassuringly. You felt her relax at your touch. ‘Being with you anywhere, any time, any place. That’s the dream.’ 

Scarlett pressed her back against you and you heard her sigh. She reached for your hand and gave it a wordless squeeze. 

You yawned suddenly, your body reluctantly accepting that you were definitely awake. 

‘I don’t know how you can sleep so long.’ Scarlett teased suddenly as she turned and reached around your body for a fresh t-shirt. 

You rolled your eyes and pretended to look outraged. ‘Hey! Do you know how hard it is to try and fall asleep next to the sun?’

You felt the playful whip of the t-shirt against your shoulder and the stupid smile spreading across your face. 

.

Nothing was going to plan. 

The live Frozen show was everything Scarlett’s daughter had dreamed about. 

The traffic meant you were probably going to miss the first ten minutes. 

You were all officially blaming the traffic and not Scarlett’s urgent work call that had delayed leaving in the first place.

You sat in the back of the taxi, talking to her daughter and pretending Scarlett didn’t look stressed out of her mind. You watched her in the corner of your eye, refreshing her email impatiently for whatever they’d promised to send on the call. 

You were engaged in a lengthy discussion of ranking all the best Disney princesses. You were asking every follow up question you could think of, just to make the conversation stretch out. 

Scarlett shot you a look of quiet stress and you tried to give her a small smile. Her expression shifted into one of disappointment. At herself, at her unrelenting work life. The complicated balance you would never understand. 

‘Which princess is your Mom?’ You asked loudly, giving Scarlett a pointed grin as you sat back and let her daughter present one of her favourite discussion topics. 

When the taxi finally pulled up outside the theatre, there was a brief moment when everything felt lighter than air. Your arm was around Scarlett’s waist, her hand was on her daughter’s shoulder.

As you left the taxi, you realised you were just down the street, as close as the taxi could get to the front of the theater. 

You heard the first click and felt Scarlett tense instantly beside you.

It was something like facing a swarm of animals. 

You met an onslaught of paparazzi like you had never experienced before. You moved forward instinctively, leaving Scarlett’s daughter sandwiched safely in the space between yourself and her mother. You pushed forward, trying to clear a path through the sea of shouting people. 

Despite the bedlam, you heard one of the worst noises you’d ever heard. 

Scarlett’s daughter let out a quiet, worried cry. You felt yourself react before your mind had engaged. 

You spun around, lifting her up easily. You didn’t have time to understand what had scared her.

‘Hey. Watch it.’ You snapped at the crowd. ‘You could hurt my kid.’

You felt the burrowing of a small face against your neck and knew your only option was to get to the theater as fast as possible. 

You didn’t pause until you were inside the silent theater lobby. A member of staff gave you a wide eyed look. 

Scarlett came in behind you a moment later. 

‘Sorry.’ You murmured, as you walked over to give her a careful hug. ‘I thought hurrying was our best option.’ You gave a meaningful glance at her daughter. 

Scarlett wrapped her arms around the pair of you. She kissed her daughter’s head. She gave you a look full of warmth. It told you everything you needed to know. You smiled back and reached down to let her daughter stand back on the ground. 

You took one of her daughter’s hands and Scarlett took the other.

‘Please can we hurry up.’ You pretended to whine suddenly. ‘I really don’t want to miss my favourite songs.’

Scarlett gave you your favourite fond smile as you all walked together to join the audience. 

.

In the brief respite between two songs enthusiastically chanted by the very loud audience, you leaned over to Scarlett.

‘Two suns.’ You told her with a smile. Scarlett’s head tilted in confusion as she leaned closer. 

‘I’m the next Copernicus.’ You told her stupidly. ‘I’m the first person to realise.’ 

Scarlett looked at her daughter, standing out of her seat and ready to sing loudly again. 

‘Two suns.’ She murmured. 

You nodded with fake solemnity. 

‘No wonder we always need the air conditioning on.’

Scarlett gave you a look. It was a careful kind of look. A cautious smile and a long stare. 

You reached for her hand and gave it a small squeeze. You let her smile widen with the easy pleasure of being together. 

You couldn’t ask for anything else.

.

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Requests are still very welcome for future January fics. More info in the pinned post if you're interested in requesting. <3

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[cjjohansson]

The Competition

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: Day 8: I've merged a lovely request from a lovely friend with the @taylorswiftmicrofic prompt for the 8th of January, which is 'daylight'.

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There is no point trying to be second best. 

You’ve lived by that motto your whole life. You know it’s served you well because your life has been going exactly like you hoped. You’ve been recruited into the latest Shield training class. 

This is just another opportunity for you to excel in. You don’t let yourself consider another option. You stand in the training room with the other agents, waiting for your first lesson to start. You can’t help sizing up the others. You watch their movements and try to assess their fitness, their likely agility. You listen to their conversations and try to assess their intelligence too. 

You are smarter. You are fitter. You are faster. You stretch your arms in anticipation. Someone will be the best recruit and it will be you. 

A final trainee enters. 

You try to figure her out immediately. Her eyes are roaming the room, not quite nervous but not confident either. She’s not that tall. Her red hair is tied back in perfect dutch braids. It makes her look like a child.

You dismiss her readily. Your focus returns to another recruit, whose muscles are flexing obviously with the smallest movement. You bite your lip trying to determine if their muscle density will affect their agility. 

Your eyes glance briefly back to the new girl. She is staring at the same recruit. Her fingers tap thoughtfully against her thigh. 

She is the only one other than you not engaging in small talk. Instead, her gaze scans the sea of people, just like you.

You take another more considered look at her. She’s fit, much more than you’d noticed at first. The kind of fitness that’s built for agility as much as strength. 

Her eyes turn to you. The sudden, sharp green stare makes you certain that she’s intelligent too. You can feel her reading you, as her eyes shamelessly roam over your body.

After a moment, the girl’s lips draw back over her teeth and she smiles. There’s a feral confidence to it. It puts you on edge. You smirk back and pretend not to be intimidated.

The trainer enters at last and the group of recruits become eager and pathetic in front of a clear leader. You hang back, listening quietly. You make sure to keep the other girl in your sights. 

The trainer asks you all to introduce yourselves. 

‘First names for now.’ She directs with a smile. ‘We’re not agents yet.’

The girl is called Natasha R. 

There are two Natashas in this group of recruits. You almost feel bad for Natasha M. You can already predict that she will be known as ‘the other Natasha’ after today.

The trainer begins with a speech about comradery, about finding your people. You watch Natasha’s expression shift to boredom. She taps impatiently against her thigh. You try not to smirk obviously. 

The trainer suggests that everyone partners up. You’ve all had basic sparring training before today. This is a chance to see how you compare to your peers. 

Your eyes meet Natasha’s before the trainer has finished speaking. She flashes the feral smile back at you. Adrenaline begins to flood your body as you move to the nearest training mat and try to ready yourself.

Natasha slams you against the mat before you’ve had time to think about reacting. The air is thrown from your chest. You try not to look as disoriented as you feel, as you roll back to your feet. 

‘Excellent work, Natasha’ The trainer shouts from the other side of the room. You watch Natasha M. look up hopefully, before her face caves with disappointment. You let yourself prickle with the indignity of being second best. 

You huff a breath and ready yourself for another sparring round. You are back on the floor before you’ve had a chance to blink.

.

Natasha slams you against the training mat for the thousandth time. 

You glare at her, chest heaving desperately. Your face is sticky with heat and sweat. Natasha grins smugly. Her dutch braids are still perfect. She doesn’t offer you a hand up.

You hate her. You actually loathe her. 

You are seething with bitter fury by the time you get to the cafeteria. You stand in the line for lunch food thinking about the first person to ever stand between you and being the best at something. You try to recall each brief moment before she knocked you to the ground. You try to assess her fighting style. What you could have done differently. 

You lift your plastic tray and walk to the communal table that is almost entirely populated by the other recruits from your class. You sit at one end and take an angry bite of your apple.

Natasha is sitting at the other end. She’s surrounded by the eager recruits. They’re asking her questions, unphased by her cool tone and indirect answers. It’s pathetic. You crunch your apple again. They always cling to a new leader. Natasha’s calm gaze meets yours. She smirks and you know she can tell that you’re jealous. You clench your jaw and glare angrily back. You hope she can hear the Fuck You echoing in your mind. 

The amusement in her eyes tells you that she can. 

.

You spend a month getting your ass kicked. 

That isn’t strictly true. 

You are excelling in some areas.

Noone is more loyal to the fitness regime. Noone is more committed to learning how to fight better. Noone is putting more time in at weapons practice. 

You are doing very well at trying hard.

Natasha is barely trying and she is easily better than you. She makes the class look like complete amateurs.

You do the only thing you know how to do; you try harder. 

What stings more than the rest, is the special treatment that Natasha seems to get. 

The first time you see her and Hawkeye interact, you don’t actually believe your own eyes. She’s a new recruit. Agent Barton is calling her ‘Tasha!’ and giving her a half hug as he walks past your table with his own tray of food. 

Natasha M. looks so despondent when she hears the nickname that you wonder if she’s going to drop out soon.

Natasha only rolls her eyes and makes a biting comment about his choice of lunchtime food. The other recruits tense up for a moment until Agent Barton’s barking laugh catches them all off guard again. 

You watch Natasha from your usual place at the far end of the table. It is the first time you have ever seen her uncertain. 

You decide she is probably dating Agent Barton. It must be a secret they’re trying to keep. He’s not a direct superior so there’s nothing officially wrong with it. It just doesn’t look good. Not for a new recruit. 

Natasha tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes glance back over to Agent Barton’s table on the other side of the room. 

You pretend you don’t feel jealous.

.

In the earliest hours of the morning, you go to the gym. 

You do this sometimes, it’s a good time to know you’ll be alone. To put in some earphones and forget everything except your heart pounding and your limbs aching. 

You are not alone. 

Natasha is already in the large room. She’s wearing a black sports bra and shorts. She is running like a gazelle on a treadmill, her back is to you.

You let the heavy door slam itself shut, just to watch her flinch. 

She switches the machine off as she turns around, her glare already fixed in place. 

Your chest seizes when you realise that she has obviously been crying. You stare at her stupidly. 

‘What do you want?’ Natasha spits through clenched teeth. Her cheeks are flushed red. You can’t tell if it’s the exertion or something else. 

You feel like you’ve caught an apex predator in a moment of weakness. You can tell she feels cornered, vulnerable. The urge to win tempers into something different. You don’t want to see Natasha’s weakness, you just want to be better than her best. 

‘I bet I can run faster than you.’ You gloat loudly and begin to walk towards her. 

Natasha’s expression shutters with sharp relief, then she gives you her most savage smile. She nods to the treadmill beside her.

You have never run faster or farther. You will not let yourself lose this race. You have been training too hard. By the time the first rays of daylight are streaming into the room, you are still neck and neck with Natasha. 

She is the first to quit. She switches off her machine without a word and turns to leave. She gives you the middle finger as you breathlessly huff a victorious laugh.

.

That day, on the training mats, you sense Natasha moving more obviously as you begin to spar. She wins every time, of course. But later, when you stand in the line for the cafeteria, you realise that you have begun to understand her fighting technique. 

They have run out of apples today in the cafeteria and you barely notice, too lost in your own thoughts.

You sit down at your usual end of the table. Your gaze snaps up when someone whistles. 

Natasha’s smirk is tiny. Everything about her seems playful. She takes an extra apple from her tray and throws it gracefully. You feel the eyes of the other recruits follow its arcing trajectory, right into your hands.

After weapons training that afternoon, Natasha catches your arm in the hallway. 

‘Do you spend every night running your ass off, just to keep up with me?’ She teases snarkily.

You roll your eyes, hating the way you have started to like her. 

‘No. Not every night.’ You answer deadpan.

‘Good, so you’ll be free tonight.’ Natasha says simply. She tells you the number of her room. Then, she gives you a pleased smile. With her perfect braids, she becomes the picture of innocence. 

‘Those braids make you look like a child.’ You snap at her, pulling your arm out of her hold. 

You hear her laugh behind you and smile to yourself. 

.

You arrive at her door that night. You knock twice before the door swings open. 

Natasha is not the girl you have known before. 

Her loose red hair holds the obvious kinks from her recent braids. She looks tired, the simple fatigue of surviving a busy day on very little sleep. She’s wearing an oversized tourist t-shirt that you presume is covering shorts. 

‘Wow.’ You tell her bitingly. ‘You look like shit.’

Natasha laughs loudly and lets you in. 

She offers you a beer and you take it as you sit on the edge of her bed. She sits beside you, clinks her bottle with yours and takes an absentminded swig. You marvel silently as you realise that she is still drinking alcohol regularly and outperforming all of you so easily. 

Her shoulder bumps yours uncaringly as she brings one leg up to her chest and casually hugs her knee. Your eyes skim the perfectly toned muscles without meaning to. Natasha’s gaze flicks to you and she smirks knowingly.

‘Keep it together.’ She chastises teasingly. You grin back. 

‘I will.’ You promise readily. ‘I’m here to find out all your secrets.’

Natasha’s mouth presses together and for a moment she looks deadly serious. Then she raises her eyebrow and grins back. 

‘What do you want to know?’

She tells you a lot of things. Raised in a competitive household, with no allowance for failure. She talks about sisters, plural. She’d always naturally excelled but she also never stopped pushing herself. Her words skim lightly over concepts like discipline and punishment. You understand the implication.

You don’t feel pity, only respect. She did everything to be the best. 

You tell her the words that you’ve lived by since childhood.

There is no point trying to be second best. 

Natasha’s sudden gaze burns with the recognition that you might really understand what she means.

‘Exactly.’ She breathes, and then she laughs again. She looks down and her fingers brush over your forever-calloused knuckles. 

‘Exactly.’ She whispers again. 

.

After that, the world is hung on a different axis. 

You are the final convert to the Natasha fan club. You think you might be the only member she cares about. The competitive edge is always there between you, but now it’s decidedly friendly. Every smile between you is playful. Every sharp comment is teasing. 

You go back to her room again a few nights later. 

She tells you a little about Clint, nothing more than a friend of a friend who’d recommended her to the Shield training programme. But mainly, she asks a lot about you. You find yourself admitting things you’ve never said aloud before.

When the night ends, she leans forward and kisses your cheek. She plays it like it’s a natural end to the night and you don’t let yourself react. Not until you’re back in your own room, touching your warm cheek and wondering if it could mean the things you have begun to hope for.

.

There is an inevitable rule about trying to keep a secret in an espionage organization. Either no-one knows or everyone does.

Natasha M is the one who tells you. She has that red flush on her cheeks that reveals how pleased she is with her secret. She whispers it excitedly to a group of you as you make your way to the training room.

‘Natasha Romanoff. The Black Widow. Mysterious and Lethal Assassin. Product of the Red Room. Missing, Presumed Dead.’

She pauses as she hammers home her point. 

‘It’s her.’

Your world implodes.

You stand in the training room with the rest of the recruits. Your skin is prickling with a feeling that you don’t recognise. A betrayal unlike anything you could have imagined. The others are nervous and chattering. You can feel them looking in anticipation at you. Natasha’s undeniable favourite. 

Some of them clearly thought you might have known her secret. They don’t anymore.

Natasha walks into the training room. She is flanked on her left by Agent Barton.

You realise that he is not an old friend. He is the agent that captured her. 

You feel a sudden rage like you have never felt before.

You pull away from the crowd, ready for a fight that you know you can’t win. 

You start spitting insults before you reach her. You call her a traitor and a liar. You only feel angrier when you watch her purposefully neutral gaze brush over you.  

You rush forward and are stopped by Agent Barton’s arm as it catches you by the waist and pulls you resolutely towards the door.

‘Don’t do this.’ He warns quietly as you shout things you never thought you’d say. ‘We’re her family.’

‘Oh please.’ You yell back, hurling your final words at Natasha, as you fight his grip. ‘She has a family. She’s a widow.’

.

You are excused from training. Agent Barton leaves you in disgust, sitting in an empty classroom where they occasionally teach the theory behind different fighting styles.

.

You go to the cafeteria at the usual time and take your usual tray over to your usual group. They welcome you with a support that you’ve never felt before. You realise suddenly that your enraged episode earlier has only impressed the other recruits.

You don’t need to guess who is missing from the table, you follow their pointed glares easily. Natasha sits alone at another table. Her face is perfectly neutral. She crunches on an apple. Your jaw tightens.

You take a seat with the usual group and try not to think about the way your gut is twisting. The other recruits tell you all the latest rumours. About what the Red Room does to create their monsters. The famous crimes against Shield operatives committed by the Black Widow. A haphazard list of her likely kills that is growing by the hour. 

You think about their stories. You think about the things Natasha told you that first night in her room. Competition, discipline, punishment. 

Agent Barton’s words about family get caught in your head. 

Natasha stands and leaves the cafeteria. She doesn’t falter at the muttered insults that she must be able to hear. Her face is schooled into a perfect facade of calm. At last, her eyes meet yours, and you see the smallest crack.

You push away the tray with your half-eaten meal. 

A person beside you snickers and you catch the end of a snide comment. You grip the edge of the plastic tray and feel a familiar anger inside you. You look around the table. Natasha M smiles eagerly back. She leans forward with another joke to share. 

You push away from the table and get to your feet. They are eager and they are pathetic. You don’t want to be their next  leader.  

.

You knock once on Natasha’s door. She doesn’t open it. 

You knock again. There is only silence.

You go to the gym.

She’s there, of course, running so fast that her legs are blurred. You wonder if they’ve checked her speed against the land mammal record.

You let the heavy door slam behind you, just so she’ll know you’re there.

Natasha turns off the treadmill and comes to a stop. She doesn’t turn around. You can tell that she knows it’s you. 

You walk over and watch the tension rolling out of her. She is gripping the bar on the treadmill. You look at her knuckles, calloused from a lifetime of effort. 

You are just like her. 

Her shoulders curve as she leans forward, crying silently. 

Your jaw tightens. 

You hate seeing Natasha’s weakness. You cannot tolerate a world where she is not the best. 

Carefully, you reach out and press your hand to her back. You can feel the bumps of her spine against your palm. Her chest heaves with silent sobs. 

Wordlessly, Natasha turns around. She buries herself against your front. You hug her tightly. You can feel her crying harder. Unthinkingly, your fingers trace her perfect braids.

You lead her back to her room when she is no longer crying. Your tight hold of her hand leaves no room for misunderstanding. 

She sits stiffly on her bed and you bring her over a glass of water. She takes it and sips quietly. You can see the hesitation in her side glances.

There is something unfixable now. Some part of the illusion that is gone forever. 

You reach over to Natasha and undo the ends of her braids. Slowly, you unwind them until you can run your fingers easily through her wavy hair. Your fingertips brush her skin and you hear her sigh. 

You move her hair to the side and press a kiss to her bare shoulder. 

You feel the shudder run through her at the touch of your lips. 

She takes your hand and slowly directs it to her breast. You squeeze it automatically and Natasha moans. The glass of water moves to a side table and Natasha’s hand comes to cover your own. She squeezes her own breast harder and then moans louder. 

You smirk as you realise you will have to work harder if you want to be as good as her.

You kiss along her neck, your teeth nipping at her soft skin. Natasha’s hips shift needily on top of the bed and your breath catches. 

Natasha hesitates then. You hear her take a deep breath. Her thumb brushes your calloused knuckles. She doesn’t look at you.

‘Even now?’ She breathes at last.

You close your eyes. Her back is pressing against you. You can smell the sweat on her skin. She is warmth and you are wrapped around her. 

‘There was never any competition.’ You tell her with your lips on her skin.

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Requests are still very welcome for future January fics. More info in the pinned post if you're interested in requesting. <3

.

[cjjohansson]

blah blah blah proper name, place name, backstory stuffff 😍😍😍😍😍

[cjjohansson]

[The Avengers talking during breakfast together]

Tony, looking at everyone: What would you do if your partner stabbed you?

Y/N, talking about Natasha: If my wife stabbed me I’d thrust myself deeper into the blade just to be a few inches closer to her but that’s just me, I don’t know.

*Natasha smirks and hits the back of Y/N’s head whilst the team laughs*

[cjjohansson]

BLACK WIDOW | 2021

[cjjohansson]

Miscommunication and the Heartbreak Spy

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count: 3.8K

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The world is complicated enough. You always liked to know the truth of things. It gave you something solid beneath your feet. A path to walk on, a place to be steady.

Natasha preferred the complicated world. 

Sometimes the truth is only what you choose to believe. 

.

The first time you met her, Natasha told you a lie. 

It was the early hours of the morning. The party had stretched longer than you’d expected. You’d been hired by Pepper Potts nearly a year before. You’d never planned your career trajectory, but even if you had, attending a party filled with superheroes was beyond any expectation.

You made small talk for most of the night, gravitating to polite conversations that included other employees from Stark Industries. Then, you’d been called into a heated discussion. Tony Stark and Colonel Rhodes debating the future of nanotech. 

You tried gamely to keep up, contributing your half assed opinions, relieved each time noone openly laughed at you. Occasionally, you even helped to sway the argument one way or another. Minutes bled together as you lost yourself in the sprawling debate. Your attention was only broken by Pepper’s hand on your shoulder. She offered you another glass of champagne. You took it gratefully, giving her a quick smile. 

You scanned the rest of the room and your heart jumped suddenly. You were the last Stark Industries’ employee left. The party was down to less than twenty people, congregating slowly closer together. 

You heard the booming laugh of Thor as he slapped Captain America jovially on the back. Elation and nerves warred inside you. This was every civilian’s dream. To truly see behind the superhero curtain. 

Still, you felt overwhelmed. 

You tipped the flute of champagne back, draining the liquid and muttering a quick goodbye to Pepper. You headed towards the nearest bathroom on the floor below. 

You stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror, letting the reflected lights dazzle you. You splashed cold water on your face and counted to ten. 

You could do this. 

You took a deep breath and returned to the party. 

Pepper raised her hand in greeting when she saw you approaching. 

Maybe you were distracted, returning her wave. 

Or maybe, Natasha came out of nowhere. 

Her shoulder bumped your chest, pulling you up short. 

You blinked in surprise as you took her in. The black pantsuit had a plunging neckline. Her heels were notably high. 

Her long hair was a darker red than you’d seen in news reports. Her lips were a brighter shade of scarlet, drawing your attention.

She was touching your shoulders. 

‘I’m sorry.’ She murmured, voice melodic. ‘I’m running late.’

‘That’s okay.’ You whispered, feeling dazed already. 

Natasha smiled and you caught the genuine interest flickering behind her eyes.

‘What brings you here?’ She asked in the same smooth voice. Her fingers brushed the fabric covering your shoulder. 

‘Lucky accident.’ You said dryly, glancing down at her fingers. 

The glint in Natasha’s eye was almost predatory now. 

‘I’m Natalie.’ She introduced herself and you felt her hand slip into yours. 

The fake name settled in the space between you. The spell broke quickly. 

You snorted before you could help yourself.

‘Uh huh.’ You agreed sarcastically. ‘Sure you are.’

Natasha’s eyebrow raised in surprise. She stared at you with a steadiness that sent shivers down your spine. Your heart began to rabbit in your chest.

You startled when Pepper’s hand touched your shoulder again. 

‘Nice try.’ She told Natasha, rolling her eyes with exasperation. ‘Y/N has top level clearance, she already knows your real name.’

Natasha switched her focus to Pepper, a smile curling on her lips. You missed her attention immediately. The feeling sat like hunger inside you. 

You walked a few steps behind them as you headed back to the others. When Dr Banner offered you a drink, you took another flute of champagne readily.

The rest of the evening swung between moments of clarity and the blurred sensation of too much alcohol.

Thor regaled the group with different stories of his past. He stood tall, taking up the centre of the room and swinging his hammer back and forth as he demonstrated a battle’s key moments. 

At first, you were enraptured by the presence of so many impressive people, the world they lived in and the stories they had to tell.  Then, all at once, you couldn’t care less.

You knew the moment Natasha’s attention returned to you. You felt the prickle on your skin. The strange hunger inside you grew stronger. 

You felt her eyes roam across your face, lingering on your own exposed neckline. You felt an answering heat crawl up your neck. You weren’t sure if she could see your pulse beating, dangerously quick. 

You swallowed nervously before you turned to face her. 

Natasha met your stare willingly. Her finger tapped against her knee. Her smile gleamed with promises. 

.

The party ended long after the sun had risen. 

You stood with too much confidence in the looby. You swayed slightly on the balls of your feet, waiting for the car that had been called for you. 

Despite the haze of alcohol, you noticed Natasha leaning against the edge of the large staircase. You tried not to fixate on her bare arms, folded in front of her. You felt yourself staring anyway.

Stupid confidence propelled you forward, like a victim of some Newtonian law.

Standing in front of her, you cleared your throat grandly.

‘It was nice to meet you Natalie.’ You smiled broadly at your own clever joke. 

Natasha smirked back automatically. Her gaze trailed up and down you again, making you feel suddenly self aware. You weren’t sure what she could see in you. You felt your cheeks warming and you dropped your gaze to the floor. The silence lasted forever in your drunken mind.

‘It was nicer meeting you.’ Natasha told you at last, voice soft. 

The words made you float with their sincerity. You couldn’t stop smiling as Pepper helped you into the waiting car.

.

Natasha never did explain how she got your phone number. 

That wasn’t the shocking part though. 

The random phone call in the afternoon. The soft timbre of her voice. The careful indirect question. (Are you free tonight?) The way her breath caught at your answer.

Going on a date with Natasha Romanoff was beyond unlikely.

Natasha Romanoff being the one to ask you; unthinkable. 

.

The moment you arrived at the bar, you tried to think back through the phone call. If you’d made a stupid assumption or if Natasha had been purposefully unclear.

You’d shown up five minutes early. Natasha was already there. 

So was Clint Barton.

You hesitated in the middle of the busy room, watching his hand pat her shoulder absentmindedly. It was friendly affection but it still threw you off. 

Not a date. Not a date. 

Your brain tried to recalibrate itself quickly. Tried to understand the root of the miscommunication. It had definitely sounded like a date when she’d asked.

Natasha caught your eye, waving you over casually. You wondered if you were imagining the nervousness in her smile. You tried to keep your own expression neutral. Clint seemed unphased by your arrival but you were clearly an unexpected addition to his night. His smile was polite enough. 

You joined the conversation slowly, feeling immediately like a third wheel. 

In the lull of listening to Clint continue his story, you tried to decide if you should just leave immediately. 

Your gut feeling of discomfort was hard to ignore. You started trying to think up excuses to leave. 

Natasha didn’t make it easy. Whilst Clint spoke, she gave you her full attention. You felt a thousand unspoken requests in her gaze.

You knew she wanted you to stay. 

Natasha sought out your hand underneath the table. Her fingers trailed over your knuckles lightly. Her stare turned purposeful. 

Your mouth went dry. You glanced at Clint, continuing loudly with his story. Natasha’s caught your look and you caught the hint of embarrassment before she blinked it away.

You knew for sure then that she had asked you on a date, you weren’t wrong. You wondered if she’d gotten scared.

You sipped your drink, accepting the strange situation more easily. You wanted to see where this would go.

Another man entered the bar, greeting Clint loudly. They laughed, hugged and joked loudly. Slowly, Clint moved away from you both, giving a brief nod of his head before heading to a rowdier table. 

In the quiet that followed, Natasha didn’t speak up. She didn’t look at you either. Instead, she slid her drink carefully across the table top, until it clinked against yours. 

She didn’t have to speak for you to understand. 

She liked you. 

Slowly, you shifted your drink too, pushing it back against hers and letting it clink again.

You liked her too.

.

Words flowed easily between you for the rest of the night. 

Natasha spoke in half truths but you found you didn’t mind.

You asked questions and hoped that you might be able to see the hidden pieces of who she really was in her answers.

She was the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen. She was ethereal under the mellow bar lights. 

Natasha laughed loudly at a throwaway joke of yours. She threw her head back and you watched the sparkling in her eyes.

You felt on top of the world. 

.

Perhaps, that’s why you had the nerve to press her for the truth. 

You asked brazenly if a certain rumour had any merit. It was a rumour strong enough to spread all the way from Shield to the hallways of Stark Industries.

You recounted an unlikely story about a redheaded spy who had infiltrated a criminal organisation, betrayed the men in charge, and somehow still received occasional love letters from the few who’d escaped justice.

Natasha’s eyes turned icy as you relayed the supposed story. A new wariness settled into her demeanour. You didn’t realise how much she’d relaxed until you saw her tense up again.

‘You can’t believe everything you hear.’ She commented succinctly, taking a sip of her drink.

You rolled your eyes before you could help it. 

‘No kidding, Natalie.’ 

Natasha snorted unexpectedly. Her shoulders curled forward slightly as a quiet laugh escaped her. The sound was clumsy and endearing. 

You thought of her loud perfect laugh earlier and smiled with satisfaction at getting to see the real thing.

.

An hour later and you were standing together in the cold night air. 

Despite the weird half-date with mixed signals, Natasha had insisted on walking you home. 

Her presence beside you had felt perfect and every smile made you feel warm. 

Now, you stood awkwardly at the foot of the stairs leading up to your front door. 

You noticed the way that Natasha’s stare caught itself on your lips. You let your own gaze wander from her reddened cheeks to her mouth.  

The hunger in your stomach curled uncomfortably, abruptly hotter than ever. 

Instinctively you reached out, touching her wrist gently. You wondered if her pulse was fluttering like yours. 

‘I’ve never kissed a girl before.’ Natasha murmured into the cold night.

It was a lie. A barefaced lie. You felt it in your soul.

Her thumb reached up, trailing over your lips and then your cheek. Your skin tingled as she brushed it softly. Her touch was full of quiet wonder. It made her words almost believable. 

The hunger roared inside you. 

You kissed her fiercely, unable to think of anything else.

Maybe Natasha had the same hunger inside her too. 

You understood her better in that moment than you’d ever understood anyone.

Natasha’s teeth grazed your lower lip, insisting on taking back control. Now her hand tugged your face impossibly closer. Her tongue entered your mouth. 

You breathed her in.

Forgetting the night, the cold air and the lies. 

When Natasha asked to see you again. It was too easy to say yes.

.

There is nothing worse than radio silence from a girl that you like. 

This is a lie.

(There is nothing worse than radio silence from a girl that you like, who has also stuck her tongue down your throat.)

After three weeks, you admitted defeat. 

It was a Tuesday afternoon. You caught up briefly with Pepper in a Stark Tower elevator. She was in a good mood, telling you about the great cafe she’d just been to, having lunch with Natasha.

You knew for certain then.

There was no mission keeping Natasha away, no other commitment. 

You tried to respect her choice, even though it stung. 

You allowed yourself to sink into a lousy mood for another week. 

It would have lasted longer, but then your doorbell rang at 1am. 

.

Through the opaque glass, you saw a figure standing on your doorstep. You could make out the dark red hair. It was embarrassing how quickly you opened the door.

Natasha seemed smaller than you remembered, wrapped in a large dark overcoat. Her skin seemed paler, her green eyes stood out. 

You felt frustrated at your immediate concern for her. The worry that you couldn’t help having now that you cared about her. 

You tried to remember the radio silence of the last four weeks.

For once, your stare was steadier than hers.

.

‘I didn’t mean to come here.’ Natasha whispered after a moment, hands in pockets.

You swallowed down the urge to call her a liar. It didn’t matter. 

You both knew it didn’t matter. 

You’d known since you opened the door. 

You took Natasha’s warm hand and led her inside. 

Her large coat slid haphazardly off one shoulder. It was bare. You kissed the exposed skin, ready for the same hunger to flare inside you. The burning ache never seemed to leave fully. You’d just been pretending it was gone. 

Natasha’s hands were shaking as they tugged at your shirt. The tremble was subtle but you felt it against your skin.

That’s why you let her lie. 

When her teeth raked across your neck, you moaned willingly. 

When she palmed your breasts, you whined.

By the time you were stripped completely, Natasha’s attention had turned almost feral. 

You thought back to meeting her at the party. You felt the same heat flush underneath your skin, between your legs. 

Natasha stripped naked with practised efficiency. 

‘Shower.��� She murmured, voice lilting with a quiet return to control. 

She was beautiful. You led her obediently to the bathroom, mind lost in anticipation.

Under the hot water, the world stopped. 

You licked the valley between her breasts and let the soap burn the back of your throat. 

Natasha’s fingers raked along your scalp. Her touch scalded like the steaming water.

She pushed you down between her legs.

Your knees ached when you kneeled on the hard tiles, but all you could think about was the heat of her against your tongue.

.

Later you lay in the bed with her, limbs tangled together with a sticky sweatiness that felt addictive. 

You cupped her breast, massaging it slowly and revelling in the privilege. Natasha’s eyes were closed. 

‘I don’t need everything to be true.’ You told her softly, your heart emptying itself into the silence. ‘I just want to know you’ll be here when I wake up.’

Natasha’s eyes didn’t open at your words. You held your breath, waiting.

You watched the way her brows furrowed for a moment.

Then, as if with great deliberation, Natasha reached out to touch your hand, pulling it over to her lips. She kissed your skin tenderly. 

You couldn’t help your small smile. Natasha was most honest when she didn’t speak.

Or maybe, she wasn’t.

(You woke up alone.)

.

Unforgivable is a bigger word than people realise.

It was not one you used easily.

The worst part was feeling tricked. You wondered how you’d misread her so completely. How you kept making the same mistake. Memories of Natasha always seemed to war with reality. The look in her eyes when she stood on your doorstep, the taste of her mixing with the cold night air. The empty bed, the silent phone. 

It was two more months of radio silence before you confessed anything to Pepper. 

You heard the words pour from your mouth before you could think any of them through. The story felt ridiculous when you repeated it. The unavailable spy who’d lied to you and then disappeared. 

If it was ridiculous, Pepper would never let it show. She gave you a comforting hug when you finished speaking. Her mouth twisted in a sympathetic expression as she searched for the right words. 

At last, Pepper shrugged sadly. 

‘Natasha lies.’ She stated simply. You nodded silently, a lump in your throat. You’d known that from the beginning.

It took you another three months to stop thinking about her. The strange wound of Natasha finally began to scab over. You readied yourself for a lingering scar.

Every once in a while, you read her name in a classified report. You hated that the hunger could still burn through you. You pretended not to feel it. 

.

Sometimes, stories end just how they started. 

.

The next time you saw Natasha, she told you a lie.

Pepper had another party. This time, it was for her birthday. It was meant to be a smaller affair than any of the corporate events you’d attended before. 

Just close friends, she’d told you over the phone.

You were genuinely flattered at the implication. Pepper had become one of the closest people in your life, but you had not been so presumptuous to assume the same was true for her.

About a week beforehand, you realised that Natasha would likely be there too. Pepper had lunch with her at least every few weeks. With their schedules, that made them practically family. 

The realisation nearly levelled you. You panicked privately for days, considering your options.

The only reason you walked into the party that night was because of Pepper. You gripped a small wrapped gift for her, hoping it would make you brave. Your stomach was lined with dread.

You felt Natasha’s eyes on you from the moment you arrived. Your skin prickled with the attention.

You did your best to ignore her. You stayed determinedly in whatever social circle didn’t include her.

The first time you broke your resolve, you glanced over and watched her sipping a drink with Pepper. Your eyes ran over her beautiful green dress. It matched her eyes. You stared at the fabric slit that ran all the way up her thigh. Natasha laughed and your eyes drifted upwards, noticing the new, lighter shade of her now longer red hair. 

Two drinks in and you risked another look in her direction. This time, Natasha was already staring back at you. Your heart froze in your chest. She glanced away immediately. Frustration bubbled inside you.

Another woman approached Natasha, drawing her attention completely. You watched a stranger touch Natasha’s arm soothingly. 

The hunger roared inside you. You lifted your glass to your lips and downed it quickly. Tony laughed and said something about your readiness to get drunk.

You imagined Natasha’s attention returning to you at his loud comment. You didn’t check to see if you were right.

Some time after that, things got fuzzy. A tipsy feeling floated your way. 

You were not in the right mindset to be drunk. You started to worry as the fuzziness got stronger.

This was not the time or the place to be emotional. Not the here, not with so many people around.

Inevitably, you found yourself crying in a bathroom stall, palms flat against the locked cubicle door as you struggled to take calming breaths.

She made you feel so stupid. 

You tried to focus on counting to ten.

The door to the bathroom opened and someone walked cautiously inside. You heard them breathing quietly as they stood by the sinks. You knew it was Natasha before she tentatively called your name. 

You started crying harder, hating the sound of your own tears. 

You listened to the bathroom door shutting behind her when she left. 

Rejection killed the hunger, faster than anything else could. 

When you left the bathroom stall, you stood at the sink and splashed cold water on your face. Natasha was all that you could think about. You had to stop.

You needed to get out of here.

You sent a quick goodbye text to Pepper and walked straight out of the party. You ordered a taxi from the curb.

Your phone vibrated with a message before you were home.

Unknown Number:

I’m sorry. I’m not worth this. 

You pressed your forehead against the cold glass of the taxi window. Tears slid down your cheeks.

Natasha didn’t realise she was lying. 

You sat in bed an hour later, staring at your phone and retyping answer after answer. 

At last, you wrote the truth and turned your phone face down on your nightstand. Your eyes were closed before the message had even been delivered.

I know what your real laugh sounds like. 

.

Your doorbell rang in the night. 

Or more accurately, in the early morning. 

It was ridiculous to expect Natasha to be standing there, but in truth, you did.

You were right. 

Natasha looked unsure of herself, standing exactly where she’d been once before.

Her skin was almost translucent in its paleness. Her eyes were rimmed red. Her fingers played nervously with her overcoat’s fastening. She still smelled like the party that you’d last seen her at.

You stared at her blearily, still blinking away the shock of being so suddenly awoken. 

The bright red beginning of the dawn behind her was almost blinding.

Natasha spoke hurriedly as if she might run out of time. 

As if she’d practised these words before she found herself standing here.

‘I am made of lies.’ Natasha said simply, voice shaking from more than the cold. ‘You’re right. About my laugh.’

‘I don’t even think about it.’ She admitted. ´I haven’t. Not for a long time.’

Her eyes caught yours. Despite everything, her gaze was steady. 

‘Not until you.’ Natasha said honestly. 

You took a shaky breath. You didn’t know what to say. How to explain the burning hunger whenever you looked at her. The way she set your chest alight.

At a loss, you rolled your eyes instead.

‘Nothing’s been the same since I met you, Natalie.’ You teased, voice hoarse from sleep.

Natasha’s smile glowed like hot embers. It was brighter than the burning sun emerging behind her.

‘Can I take you on another date?’ She asked you then, words full of purposeful clarity.

.

It wasn’t hunger. That feeling inside you. It was the start of something else.

Natasha got to the truth of it. A few months later.

Her hand slid into yours. Her head found your shoulder.

‘I think I love you.’

[cjjohansson]

Maroon

Scarlett Johansson x Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

.

It is hard to begin this when it has already ended.

You met her at a dinner party. Your date ignored you for most of the evening. So did her husband.

It should have been miserable, but it was perfect.

Scarlett was messy. The good kind.

You stayed by the open window of the Parisian apartment, ignoring the chatter behind you and the sunset ahead of you. Scarlett chain-smoked and you watched the white entrails of a bad habit float away.

‘Don’t worry, I’m quitting.’ She assured you, when she lit the first one.

‘I don’t care.’ You answered plainly, watching her black dress shimmer.

Scarlett’s head tilted and her lips drew back into a smile.

You stole a bottle of champagne from a waiter, passing it between you like teenagers. Scarlett’s words were bitter sometimes. She didn’t want to be here, in this country, in this marriage.

You could tell that she liked you. Your strange indecision between empathy and nihilism. You rolled your eyes at her pettier problems. You made her laugh. Her hand touched your arm and her fingers lingered.

Your gazes kept snagging together. Her eyes were beautiful. You could see the softness that she’d locked away.

You left the party first, dragged away by the useless date that you never planned to see again. Scarlett took an eyeliner from her bag, scrawling her phone number along your forearm.

She held the eyeliner cap precariously between her teeth. Her glittering smile promised everything.

You could see the cliff edge, it made you want to drive faster.

.

You called her the next day.

She answered abruptly in a hoarse voice, cursing about hangovers. You suggested getting coffee someplace on the streets of Paris.

‘How about coffee here?’ She invited you casually.

‘Too rough to be seen in public?’ You quipped, already reaching for your keys.

‘The paparazzi don’t deserve this picture.’

She was bored and lonely. What’s new. Who isn’t.

Except, Scarlett wasn’t anyone else.

(It’s lazy, it’s cliche)

But, she was special.

Your eyes lingered on her creased white t-shirt when she answered the door. Her blonde hair hung loose and wavy from last night’s updo. Scarlett yawned as she led you inside.

She seemed raw and it made your stomach flip.

She paced her kitchen barefoot, waiting for the coffee machine to pour out. Your conversation picked up the patterns of the night before.

Scarlett talked to you about a film project that she’d been offered, that she’d turned down to stay here in Paris.

‘To be here with him.’

You leaned against her pristine oak kitchen table, worth more than your life. You nodded absentmindedly. You tried not to fixate on avoiding a coffee stain.

Scarlett gesticulated as she continued to talk. She was growing more animated. You wondered if your silent attention reassured her. You wondered how anyone could ignore her.

Her words flowed like a stream of consciousness. Her eyes locked with yours, and your pulse stuttered with the burning intimacy of impending confession.

Scarlett’s mouth stumbled over a truth she hadn’t planned to say.

‘I’m scared to be alone.’

You watched Scarlett process her own words.

Wide eyed. Caught. She looked like a lost child.

You stood up unthinkingly.

You walked across the room. Reached out your arms, and hugged Scarlett carefully. Felt the burning warmth of her through the thin t-shirt.

The air sparked and you knew that this was going to be something more.

.

Scarlett’s arms wrapped around you in response. You felt surprise rippling through her body.

After a moment, her head pressed against your shoulder.

Another moment, her lips pressed against your skin.

That’s where it started.

.

A switch flipped in your brain then. Something like addiction.

Boundaries and morals washed away.

You didn’t care about her husband, her reputation or yours.

You slept together in her marital bed.

.

Her body was soft like the lost thing in her eyes.

Scarlett’s fingers dragged across your skin with gentle wanting.

The world fell away.

It was desperation, but it was not a bad thing.

Her fingertips brushed your skin. You felt the soft weight of her against you.

.

It was not a bad thing.

You tell yourself that sometimes.

.

You stayed the day with her.

An almost stranger you’d met and fucked.

A beautiful stranger, whose soul scraped your insides like a new bow on a violin.

.

You left in the afternoon. Scarlett checked her phone with automatic concern and you knew she was thinking about her husband again.

You kissed Scarlett one last time, lips swollen and hair mussed.

On the way home, you thought about her murmured goodbye and the look in her eyes.

There was something dazed about her satisfaction.

.

She called you three days later. Her tone was cautious and you felt like a risk. Thrills went through you.

She invited you to a bar. It was only when she mentioned the word ‘discreet’ that you understood her real nervousness.

‘I have wine at mine.’ You noted casually, scanning the living room that you would have to tidy imminently.

‘Oh.’ Scarlett answered, shyness taking over from caution. ‘Yeah. Okay.’

When she arrived at yours, it was not the same. It was four in the afternoon. Scarlett wore a trench coat over a sweater and jeans.

She didn’t smile until you did, her rosy cheeks tinged with relief.

You poured pink wine into glasses as she settled on the sofa. Once you were seated too, Scarlett cleared her throat.

You held up your hand.

‘You want to smoke first?’ You suggested wryly.

‘Fuck you.’ Scarlett answered, her attention drawn instinctively to her purse that held cigarettes.

‘Quit then.’ You countered lazily.

.

Silence stretched between you. Scarlett’s fingers played with her lighter. She made no move for a cigarette.

‘It was an accident.’ Scarlett said finally.

You fought a smile. You shook your head in simple disagreement.

‘It didn’t mean anything.’

You shook your head again, refilling Scarlett’s glass.

‘I was lonely.’

You hesitated.

‘It was fun.’ You corrected at last.

Scarlett’s gaze made your throat tighten, like the smell of sex or the taste of tequila.

‘It was fun.’ Scarlett echoed, eyes full of defeat and acceptance.

A moment later, her hand touched your knee.

.

You had everything you wanted.

Until she left again.

You walked Scarlett to your door. Her cheeks were rosy. From sex and wine and the cold chill of smoking at an open window.

You cupped her face and kissed her softly.

Scarlett’s breath hitched as she watched you.

Sweet sadness caught her expression and you knew that this would end.

.

Scarlett didn’t call you again.

You didn’t call her either.

.

You saw her one last time. Three months later, a party in New York.

You kept your distance until the night was nearly through.

She appeared at your table, like some perfect apparition, arm outstretched. Her feet were bare. Her high heels lay next to her husband’s seat.

You danced across an empty floor. Scarlett’s body brushing yours, over and over.

Her eyes sparkling with the same sweet sadness.

When you felt the unmistakable bump graze against your stomach, you felt the sweet sadness too.

.

When the baby news was official, you sent her flowers. The same shade as her rosy cheeks.

When you saw the burning sunset. You thought of that night in Paris.

[cjjohansson]

The 26th of December

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count 4k

.

You first met at the Shield base. She was ahead of you in the cafeteria line.

Natasha was alone. You’d never seen her before and you guessed she was a new agent. She was slightly jittery. She held herself unnaturally still but her eyes darted around the room. Barely noticeable, but you caught it. 

Her red hair was tied back in two perfect braids, her pale face was fresh except for dark shadows under her eyes. You stood next to her in the line, holding a plastic tray and feeling like a school-child all over again. 

Natasha held an apple in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. Her grip made the plastic crackle. 

‘You know, it’s not so bad here.’ You mused aloud after a minute, enjoying the way her head whipped around at the sound of your voice.

Her breath hitched and then she regained herself. You watched her expression move immediately from panic to calm. You took note of the emotional control. Not a typical rookie agent. 

‘Maybe for you. They’re training me with Robin Hood.’ She answered after a beat.

‘Oh.’ You pretended to consider. ‘Well then, I guess you’re fucked.’

Her answering laugh rasped through you like an electric current.

.

You ended up sitting at the same table,whilst you ate. Natasha was a mix of conflicting signals. Her smile was easy but it rarely reflected in her eyes. Her shoulders were loose, but her posture was stiff.

She ate her apple slowly. You tried to make small talk between bites of your own meal. You started to hear the trace of a Russian accent in her short responses. 

Natasha was down to the apple core before she told you anything about herself. Even then, it was just fragments. She’d made a deal with Agent Barton, she’d held up her end of the bargain, now she was here.

You didn’t press for more details. You didn’t think you could.

Instead, you pushed your plate to the centre of the table and gestured to the untouched fries.

‘Well.’ You said lightly. ‘Maybe this ridiculous place can be your home.’

Natasha’s lips twisted into something too complicated to be a smile.  

‘I don’t think I know what home is.’

You glanced at her hand, sneaking to grab a fry. You grinned.

‘Don’t worry.’ You promised. ‘It’s not that complicated.’

.

Conversation with Natasha was like trying to fill in a blank sheet of paper. Sometimes, you felt like your threw conversation topics into the air, trying to guess what she wanted to talk about.

It was easy to spend time with her. Despite different routines and training, you made a habit of eating together.

The habit became easy.

Every mealtime, you found yourselves together at the same time and same place. 

.

Through her first months at Shield, you watched Natasha’s demeanour change. 

Her smile became easy with others. She didn’t tense up in crowds anymore. When your friends came occasionally to sit at your table, she always seemed to welcome the company. You couldn’t tell for sure if she liked them but she never seemed to hesitate when she found herself in a group. 

She definitely preferred socialising with you there. You knew she’d declined a few bigger get-togethers with other agents. 

You thought maybe she liked that you’d known her so long. Longer than anyone except Agent Barton.

Her eyes sparkled whenever she started talking about an inside joke between the two of you. If people were around, she’d meet your gaze daring you to share the story behind it.

Your mind still lingered on what she’d said about home, on the first day that you'd met her.

You wondered what she thought about it now.

.

Every so often, you’d catch the mask slipping. A wince after training, when she sat down at the table. A worried expression that smoothed itself immediately into an easy smile. A momentary stormy look aimed at nothing in particular.

The shadows that lingered under her eyes, darkening and fading with a cyclicality that worried you. 

Sometimes, she’d steal a piece of food from your plate and give you a look too fatigued to be playful.

It was after one of those looks that you invited her back to your rooms at the Shield base.

You had to finish some work, you told her, but you’d like the company anyway.

It felt obvious, like a natural next step that should’ve happened months ago.

You couldn’t help lighting up inside when she said yes. 

.

That evening you typed on your laptop from the sofa, enjoying absentmindedly Natasha's exploration of your space. Her casualness was undercut by tiny hesitations. 

She wandered in and out your kitchen like she was on a guided tour, you heard muffled noises and knew she was rustling through your rarely used spice rack. She wandered back through to your living room, and you tried not to smile obviously when she touched the edge of your fluffy rug experimentally with her foot. She studied the cushions on your sofa and the house plant by the door. You watched her finger trail down the spines of several books on your bookshelf. 

Every time she moved on from something, you waited for her to finally settle. To sit next to you on the sofa, to switch on the TV, or start to talk. 

It was when you heard the rubber duck squeak in your bathroom, that you finally understood. Why would she know how to make herself at home?

‘Natasha.’ You called, looking up from your laptop screen. Natasha’s head popped around a doorway.

You smiled automatically and watched her match it with a smile of her own.

‘You know, you can do whatever you want here’ You told her, tone light but still serious. ‘Mi casa es tu casa.’

Natasha rolled her eyes. You knew then that you’d been too forward. You’d acknowledged her discomfort but she hadn’t wanted you to see it in the first place.

You didn’t feel sorry. You meant what you said. You rose from the sofa to make you both some coffee. 

You touched her shoulder with absentminded affection as you walked past. Natasha went still at the action. You turned before you entered the kitchen, wanting to double check if the touch was okay.

You watched Natasha smile secretly down at the ground. She lifted her head, feeling your gaze and rolled her eyes again. Her smile only got stronger. 

You walked into the kitchen feeling lighter than air. When you returned five minutes later, Natasha was sitting cross legged on your floor. 

She gave you a small smirk when you handed her the coffee mug. You sat on the sofa, just to the side of her. You watched silently as she ripped blank pages out of one of your old notebooks. Her fingers worked deftly as she made snowflakes, origami shapes and chains of paper dolls. 

You watched her with a mix of awe and something undefinable. You thought about home. How the definition of it was starting to change for you too.

After some time, you couldn’t help but reach over, picking up the red biro pen that was lying on the coffee table. Natasha startled then relaxed readily, when you moved to sit beside her. She watched as you messily coloured in the hair of the nearest paper doll. The bright red was almost obnoxious.

Natasha elbowed you lightly when you scribbled ‘Romanoff’ on the doll’s dress.

When Natasha left, you hung the paper dolls above the TV.

.

Agent Barton told you about Natasha’s dilemma before she did. You’d never spoken before but when he caught up with you in the hallway, he addressed you by your first name. It took you a moment to realise that he knew exactly who you were. It turned out, Natasha talked a lot about you. 

Natasha’s annual vacation time was mandatory and had to be taken, but she hadn’t booked any of it. Clint didn’t need to explain why. You’d known Natasha for nearly six months now and she’d never spoken about anyone except the people she’d met since joining Shield. 

Clint lay the problem out matter of factly. 

Natasha had nowhere to go and she didn’t seem to want to leave.

It was the easiest solution you’d ever come up with.

.

You found Natasha in weapons training. She was easy to spot with her usual red braid falling down between her shoulder blades. Her arms were raised as she aimed a gun. Ears covered and focus exact. 

She still spotted you almost immediately. 

You waved awkwardly as she lowered her gun and removed her ear defenders. 

‘What are you doing for Christmas?’

Natasha’s head tilted. At first, you thought she hadn’t understood the question. It took a second, before you realised that she didn’t understand why you were asking. She thought it was obvious that she didn’t have plans.

‘Maybe we could rent a place for the vacation time.’ You suggested. ‘We could go somewhere snowier than here.’

Natasha watched you for a long moment and then you watched her lips life into a small smile.

‘I like snow.’ She said at last. 

.

The next few weeks passed slowly. A new anticipation crept into your life. You rented a cabin in the middle of nowhere for the holidays. In theory, it was the perfect background for an idyllic snowy Christmas. Trees surrounded it on three sides, it was one step away from a true nature retreat. 

When you described the vacation home to Natasha. She’d just nodded seriously, like you were giving her a rundown of details for a future mission. You tried not to let her reaction worry you, she was relatively quiet for the rest of the day.

The next day, Natasha joined you for breakfast with obvious intent. Before you'd had time to say hello. Natasha asked you about the clothes and other essentials you were planning to pack. You found yourself head first into a detailed conversation, full of follow up questions about things like the capacity of your car trunk.

It was then, as she nodded seriously to each of your answers, that you realised. Natasha didn't know what to expect.

The realisation made you feel a sudden sense of responsibility and freedom. Natasha had no expectations for what the holiday could be. But she'd still said yes. It was a good feeling to be trusted.

You observed her sitting across the table. Natasha chewed her lower lip as she thought about her next question. Her fork spun thoughtlessly against her plate.

You realised, that everyone in this place knew either Agent Romanoff or the Black Widow.

You were the only one who knew Natasha.

Natasha cleared her throat awkwardly, her voice came out quieter and she leaned forward slightly. 

‘Could we?’ She hesitated. ‘Should we bring fairy lights? Would that be festive?’

You’d never smiled harder in your life.

‘Yeah.’ You agreed enthusiastically, reaching over to pause her fork mid-twirl. ‘That would be amazing.’

You’d once sat opposite a blank page but now Natasha was a watercolour.

.

The vacation time came at last and together you drove away from the Shield base full of anticipation. 

Natasha was silent, her focus turned to the world passing outside the car window. You fiddled with the radio and tried not to overthink her quietness.

Just over an hour into your drive, you realised that her eyes were sparkling. Another quick glance over to her and you saw the small smile hidden on her lips.

You let some of your excitement trickle back in. You switched the radio to Christmas music and watched her hand quietly tap against her thigh.

Natasha was your best friend. She was starting to become your family. 

You felt your heart squeeze with a new happiness when you heard her deep intake of breath as you drove up to the cabin. The wooden exterior was framed with a thousand golden fairy lights. You’d called the rental agency and asked for a favour. You hadn’t been able to resist.

You watched Natasha’s expression as she stepped out of the car. For the first time, any trace of uncertainty was forgotten. Her wide eyes filled with curiosity and excitement. 

Her foot crunched on the frozen ground and her eyes shot to the snow covered forest floor with a muted joy. You laughed and her gaze found you instead. Her red hair was loose and long, she’d combed out her braids during the car ride. It framed her face prettily. 

Natasha rolled her eyes at your expression but then she started to smile widely.

You held up a finger in a silent request for her to wait a minute before you hurried to the trunk of your car. You fished in your bag for a few moments and retrieved a pair of festive felt reindeer antlers. 

Your face hurt from smiling so hard as you walked back and fixed the pair of antlers onto Natasha’s head. Natasha’s bare fingers reached up and traced the soft material. Her expression was undecided and then it relaxed into another bright smile. For the first time, your heart pounded nervously at her proximity. You’d never seen someone look so beautiful. Natasha moved her head and the bells on the antlers tinkled.

‘Come on.’ You murmured, another persistent smile tugging at your lips. ‘You’ll get cold.’

.

The next few days were illuminating. It became clear just how embedded Natasha’s lifestyle was, as you watched her invent and stick to a new regimented schedule. There was something fascinating about how naturally she followed a routine, even with no real pressure to keep it.

Early morning runs, chopping wood for the stove, yoga, completing stolen work assignments, reading spy novels, undertaking thorough research into unusual topics.

Your schedule was something different. Unlike Natasha, you reverted immediately to a more relaxed way of life, happily shaking off the Shield agent lifestyle. 

You woke later in the day, always after the sun had decidedly risen. You scrounged breakfast from the fridge. You let any passing whim decide your day’s activity. A stroll to find a nearby frozen lake, a sudden urge to make gingerbread.

You realised soon enough that Natasha’s busy schedule was really paper thin. It only took an invitation and she was eager to join yours instead. She told you all about her spy novel when she joined you on your rambling walk to find the frozen lake. She told you about trying to run in the snow outside as she helped with the icing for your gingerbread house. 

That was the other thing that you were starting to notice about Natasha. You’d known her for nearly a year now. You knew you liked her company. You could tell she liked yours. You realised that every minute you spent together only made you want a thousand minutes more.

On the third morning, you woke up to the smell of coffee. You opened your eyes readily, you’d been moments from waking up at your usual time anyway. Natasha cleared her throat and you startled before seeing her standing awkwardly in the doorway. She was holding two mugs of coffee, clearly unsure. 

You smiled automatically at the sight of her. Natasha’s shoulders relaxed and she smiled too. Her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail and she was wearing green winter pyjamas, straight from a cheesy catalogue. 

‘Morning.’ You yawned as you sat up.

‘Morning.’ She echoed, handing you the coffee.

‘You’re the best.’ You mumbled happily, taking a sip.

You felt Natasha hesitate, trying to decide if she should leave. You patted the bedspread beside you. It was an easy invitation. Natasha curled up in the space next to you, hands cupping her mug.

‘I like your pyjamas.’ You said with a smirk.

‘Shut up.’ She said dryly, but you could tell she was pleased. 

‘Very festive.’

.

You drank coffee in silence for a few minutes and then you started to talk. 

At first it was light things, another book she’d just read, how cold it was that morning. 

.

Then the conversation shifted. She started to tell you real things.

Pieces of childhood. The way the tree branches bowed over the walls of her childhood home. The deep chill of Russian winters. Her favourite American Christmas movie. Where she’d been when she first saw it. 

You thought about all the light talking she’d been doing this vacation as you passed your days together. You wondered if she’d been trying to find the courage for this. With every smile or nod from you, the words kept coming from Natasha. Difficult things. Happy memories that lived with an undercurrent of sadness.

You felt a lump in your throat listening to her, wishing you could explain how much you liked hearing her talk like that. How much you liked her.

It was all special.

.

That Christmas Eve, you suggested a drive to the nearest town for supplies. Natasha looked confused but she only smiled and agreed. She didn’t mention your full kitchen pantry and stacked fridge, already full to the brim with enough ingredients for a full Christmas dinner.

This time, she didn’t stare out the car window for the journey. Instead, she played with the radio dials until she found a Christmas song to sing along to. Her quiet singing made your chest tight with an overwhelming kind of feeling.

You pulled up outside a second-hand store. Natasha looked even more confused as she read the sign on the store. You dragged her in with you to pick up the order that you’d called ahead to see if they had in stock.

In the car, Natasha held the DVD of her favourite American Christmas movie like it was her first ever present.

You only pulled the car over one other time. The very last Christmas tree left in the parking lot beside the small hardware store was cheap and hard not to take pity on. 

Together that afternoon, you adorned the tree with some fairy lights taken from the outside porch and for the rest of the evening, Natasha made paper decorations. You put on an old CD of Christmas music that you'd found, before sitting next to Natasha and starting one of the spy novels that she'd already told you the entire plot of.

As she made the decorations, Natasha began to sing again.

.

You didn’t swap presents on Christmas Day. 

Natasha had asked you about that weeks before and you’d promised her not to worry. 

It started like the days before it,  Natasha walked into your room with her usual quiet hesitation and two mugs of coffee. She started grinning when she saw you, sitting up and ready with the pair of reindeer antlers already on your head. 

She gave you your mug and curled familiarly into the space beside you.

‘What do you want to do today?’ She asked, the question feeling completely natural after the last week. 

You turned your head towards her and watched Natasha try not to laugh when your antler’s tinkled.

‘I want to see the best Christmas movie that you’ve ever seen.’

Natasha's eyes closed when she smiled in response. Her head rested gently against your shoulder.

Spending a day with Natasha was the easiest way to spend a day.

It was a good Christmas.

.

Natasha nudged your door open on the morning of the 26th of December. Your last vacation day. You were already awake; she offered you your coffee before she started to speak. You held your breath in anticipation when she cleared her throat nervously.

‘I wanted to say thank you.’ She said carefully. ‘For letting me come here.’

She stood awkwardly at the foot of your bed. She was still wearing her festive pyjamas and you thought that they might be your favourite thing in the world. Her hair was tied back in its usual long braid. She chewed her lower lip and you watched her eyes try to dart nervously before she focused them on you.

‘Natasha.’ You tried to find the right words, cupping your hot mug. ‘You’re my favourite person in the world. You don't have to say thank you. It wouldn't feel like home without you.’

That was the moment. When the last piece clicked. 

You watched Natasha walk slowly around your bed. You watched her place her coffee mug on the nightstand. You felt the bed shift as she crawled into the familiar space beside you.

Her thumb brushed your cheek when she kissed you. Her touch was warm from the coffee mug.

She tasted like home.

.

Things fell apart slowly and then all at once. 

.

You returned to the real world. 

Natasha’s training had been becoming more specialised for a long time. Director Fury’s plans for her became clearer and more intentional. Her time was less her own. 

You were careful never to push. Natasha became more distracted, her eyes held their secret exhaustion again.

You cherished her when she was there. The first time an additional training session ran through your usual time for dinner, you didn’t let yourself be upset. 

That evening, you heard a knock on your door and knew it was her. Natasha's tired eyes were worried and full of unspoken guilt. You pulled her towards you with a feeling of sudden urgency and happiness that came from the simplicity of seeing her standing there.

You kissed her for a long moment and Natasha met your lips with eager relief. Then, you led her to your sofa, ignoring her protests as you insisted on trying to find enough food in your rarely used kitchen to constitute a meal for her. 

She slept in your bed that night, curled familiarly into the space next to you. You listened to her steady breathing and knew that you loved her in a way that wouldn’t change.

Her missions got longer. Natasha was trusted with more. She saved more lives with each mission and you watched her start to forgive herself for the things she could barely say aloud.

You did your best to accept that Natasha might choose a future that didn’t include you so easily. She was exceptional, in her kindness, bravery and skill. 

You knew Natasha could feel the impending future too. The busier she became with work, the more effort she made to spend every other moment with you.

You felt like a pocket of steadiness in her world of chaos. You knew it was a privilege.

.

You can't always hold onto your home.

.

Natasha was given a long-term undercover mission. When she told you about it, you felt a horrible sinking in your chest. It was a feeling that you’d been anticipating.

You knew what her job meant and you knew her talent at it. 

All you could really think about in that moment was that she’d clearly been crying. Her shaky breathing stuttered as she tried to tell you the news. 

You wondered if you knew her so well, or if she wasn’t trying to hide at all from you anymore.

You hugged her tightly and tried to absolve her of her guilt. 

She was going to miss your next Christmas. 

You kissed her forehead and told her that you loved her. Natasha tangled her fingers with your own. She squeezed your hand tight. She kissed the back of your hand softly.

The next day, you walked her to the airstrip. You felt unnaturally still as you tried to stop your chest from heaving with a loss it could already feel. 

Before she walked onto the jet, Natasha turned around. Her small, awkward wave echoed your own. You watched her braids hit her back as she turned again and walked onto the aircraft.

.

Months passed.

You lived a strange empty life.

You didn’t remember the world before Natasha, you still expected to see her at every mealtime.

Christmas day arrived.

You decorated your small plastic tree with the paper dolls that had hung above your TV for nearly two years. You watched a Christmas movie that was someone else's favourite.

.

On the 26th of December, you got a phone call. It was Clint and it was the middle of the night. You were in your car before he’d finished talking. 

.

Home is the place that you are loved.

.

You found her about a mile from the Shield base, it was just past midnight. 

Natasha was walking along the side of the river with her hood up, bathed in the orange glow of the streetlights. 

She noticed you almost immediately. She came to a stop, eyes wary and shoulders braced.

You gave a small, awkward wave and she remembered herself. 

She moved toward you, pace quick. 

When she reached you, her head pressed desperately against your thick winter jacket. 

You kissed the soft fabric of her green hood and held her tight.

The sound of the river and the shaking of her cries. 

.

Home was in the sound of the river and the shaking of her cries.

[cjjohansson]

A Place To Be

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count: 4.2k

.

You’d been training for this your whole life. 

It had taken effort, determination and skill to become one of the best Shield agents. It was a long journey but you were starting to be proud of the person you’d become. 

You hadn’t ever thought about one day becoming an Avenger, it didn’t seem like something that could be possible. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing when you were called to Fury’s office. Your mouth hung open as he explained that the request to join had come from a member of the team itself. 

Fury had gone on to outline your new training regime and the changes that this promotion would involve. Every detail, from moving to the Avengers Tower to training with Captain America felt like a dream.

You lay that night, your final night in the Shield Residential Quarters, and stared up at the familiar grey ceiling. It was hard to sleep, the events of the day had already felt like a perfect dream. You thought about the request to join. You felt confident it must have been Clint Barton. 

You’d trained in the presence of both Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton before and you’d naturally excelled at target practice, especially from long distances. It seemed like the sort of thing he’d notice.

.

Moving into the Avengers Tower was daunting. Carrying a rucksack with your most prized possession, you gazed around at the bright modern interiors. 

You’d disembarked from a Quinjet on the roof, before being directed through the building by the AI system. Standing there in a communal living room, expecting  your arrival were the other Avengers. 

You were surprised by the openness of the team to a new recruit. Each person greeted you with real warmth when they met you for the first time.

Natasha’s enthusiasm was the most muted. From the beginning, you noticed a carefulness whenever she addressed you. She gave you a small wave in greeting, instead of the hug or handshake offered by the others. She held back quietly as the team asked you questions and welcomed you to the building. 

You worried self consciously that she could tell just how excited you were to meet her properly. It was impossible to work at a place like Shield without admiring or envying the legend of the Black Widow from afar. Even small details from her missions spread like wildfire around that organisation. You’d heard every impressive rumour about Natasha Romanoff. 

Your paths had barely crossed during her time at Shield, but Natasha had always been unforgettable. 

You remembered the first time she’d smiled at you. It was during one of the target practice sessions that you’d excelled at. Clint had whooped loudly when you’d made an unlikely shot. The loud celebratory noise should have been what you remembered most from that session. But instead, it was Natasha’s pleased smile, arms crossed from where she stood quietly by the door. 

She’d looked beautiful. It had struck you then, and it still struck you now. 

Secretly, more than any other worry you had about Natasha’s quiet behaviour. You were afraid that maybe, despite your best efforts, she could tell you had a crush.

.

Your first in-the-field mission as part of the Avengers was an opportunity to shadow Natasha through an intel gathering assignment. 

You obediently hurried to the briefing room, following an announcement from the building’s AI that an Avengers meeting had been called. You sat in the chair next to Tony, and did your best to focus as the mission was outlined. 

You tried not to look too pleased as the realisation dawned on you that it was a mission for you to join. You were keen for an opportunity to prove yourself as part of the team.

.

Natasha approached you as soon as the meeting was done. You gave her a small smile.

‘I thought wearing necklaces was against Shield protocol.’ Natasha told you bluntly. The smile dropped from your face.

‘Yes. But this is the Avengers. (Y/N)’s playing in the big leagues now.’ Tony reminded her, brushing past the pair of you to exit the room.

‘I’ll keep it tucked under my clothes.’ You tried to assure her, hand reaching automatically to touch the silver charm around your neck. Natasha’s eyes were drawn to the movement. Your throat tightened at her attention.

‘It was from someone who cares about me.’ You added quietly, unable to help being a little defensive.

Natasha’s eyes glanced briefly back to your face. She looked thoughtful.

‘Lucky you.’ She murmured after a moment. You stood dumbly, watching her leave and feeling entirely off balance from the encounter.

.

Your first mission as an Avenger was a shitshow right from the start. 

Unexpected threats, incorrect mission information and a thunderstorm. 

You felt out of your depth from the very beginning. Soon enough, the fatigue of relentless combat began to wear you down even further. 

Natasha led you through the mission with ruthless efficiency. She undoubtedly kept you alive that day. She calmly refused offers of back-up over the comms. Her assuredness was almost undermined by the bullets ripping through the air above your heads. 

She was the best fighter you’d ever seen up close. She moved with a fluidity that reminded you of dance choreography. She never seemed to hesitate, moving from one action into the next. 

You did exactly what you were told; you trusted her instincts more than you trusted yourself.

.

The only time you felt at all useful was at the end of the mission, when you drove the car back to the pick up point.

Natasha had successfully retrieved the information but at the cost of a knife wound to the thigh.

She was dressing the wound herself, using the first aid kit found in the car’s glove compartment. You watched her carefully from the corner of your eye. Despite your worry about her injury and your own poor performance during the mission; you took a moment to marvel at how impressive Natasha had been to watch. She made being brave look easy.

It was only when Natasha’s leg seemed completely bandaged that you felt confident enough to talk. You reminded her quietly about the painkillers that she hadn’t yet touched.

Natasha refused, waving her red-stained hand back at you tiredly. You pressed your lips together, trying to think of a way to change her mind. You fiddled with your necklace absentmindedly, one hand on the wheel. 

‘You need them more.’  Natasha told you, glancing obviously at your own swollen wrist. 

You felt sudden unexpected heat burn your cheeks. Your wrist injury had come from an embarrassing trip and fall. Natasha’s leg wound had come from highly skilled hand to hand combat. Embarrassment flooded you as you realised how incompetent you must seem to her.

You took the painkillers silently and didn’t speak for the rest of the drive. 

.

For the rest of the day following that mission, you were dreading hearing Natasha’s report about your performance. It kept you up that night, like the stress of an upcoming exam result. You knew it couldn’t be good. Natasha clearly thought that you couldn’t even handle a swollen wrist.

You couldn’t have been more surprised when Steve’s hand rested kindly on your shoulder the next afternoon.

‘Sounds like you survived quite the mission.’ He told you simply. ‘Nat said you coped really well, all things considered. Just need a bit more practice with heavy fire scenarios.’

You only nodded in response, startled by the feedback. You wondered if that was what Natasha had really told him. You felt a growing certainty in the pit of your stomach that Steve had censored her report to be kind. 

You imagined Natasha asking Clint why he’d wanted you to join the team. You couldn’t get the image out of your head. It felt too plausible.

.

The next time you saw Natasha was in the communal kitchen area. She hesitated when she looked at you. You felt embarrassed when she glanced down at your now bandaged wrist. The silence between you lengthened uncomfortably. 

After that, you were purposefully quieter around Natasha, a weird kind of shame filling you whenever you caught her eye.

Natasha reflected your energy perfectly back. You often made elevator journeys together in that tense silence that always seemed to linger between you. You’d start to play with your necklace awkwardly and Natasha’s eyes would follow the movement.

Then, you’d think back to her chastisement about wearing it before that first mission and embarrassment would flood you again. 

.

Soon enough, life at the Avengers Tower began to settle into something like routine. The living quarters and regular team practice were effective in helping you get to know your teammates. You began to consider the other Avengers as some of your closest friends. 

As winter approached, you started to take on occasional planned missions with different individual members of the team. You didn’t get assigned again to Natasha. You tried not to think about why.

Though Natasha never avoided you, her carefully neutral tone told you that the awkwardness of your first mission together had not been overcome. 

.

The others definitely noticed the tension between the pair of you. It stood out against your comfortable dynamics of the rest of the group.

Soon, you started to notice their schemes to get the pair of you closer. 

Tony kept trying to encourage Natasha to give you flying lessons in the Quinjet. Every week Steve suggested that you partner up together for some additional training exercise. 

You never said no and neither did she. You never followed up on the suggested plans either. You let them float away, schedules becoming full at the last minute.

.

By the time December rolled around, you’d barely shared a handful of sentences with Natasha and every single one of them had been work-related.

So, when Tony held out an upturned Iron Man helmet filled with folded pieces of paper and told you to pick out your Secret Santa name, there was only one Avenger that you didn’t want to get.

‘This says Natasha.’ You eyed the paper suspiciously, wondering if it was bad luck or another sneaky scheme by the rest of the team to encourage the pair of you to make friends. ‘Do all the other papers say Natasha too?’

Tony snorted. ‘Please. If I was going to cheat at Secret Santa, then all the names in there would be mine.’ He snatched the helmet back before you could see for yourself and hurried away along the corridor.

You never got a definitive answer about the cheating. 

.

You did get a sympathetic pat on the shoulder from Bruce when you asked him quietly for gift ideas for Natasha. 

You were trying not to let the upcoming Secret Santa ruin the holidays for you. But the prospect of buying Natasha a present was beyond intimidating.

Bruce’s first story didn’t help you at all. He told you about the birthday party that the team had planned for Natasha the year before. Clint had loudly protested the idea from the start. He’d argued it was pointless, given that no-one even knew her correct birthday. 

Still, the plan had gone ahead with the surprise party scheduled for an upcoming Saturday. Tony had sourced several extravagant presents on behalf of the team. 

You perked up at this part of Bruce’s story, hoping to get some inspiration for Secret Santa. 

Bruce mentioned the full range of brand new Stark industries tech that had been procured as presents and your hope flattened out. He hadn’t been kidding about extravagant.

Natasha must have gotten wind of the team’s intentions. She disappeared without a trace on the Friday night before the party. She reappeared back in the Tower on the following Monday morning, as if she’d never left.

Within an hour of her return, all the expensive waiting wrapped presents with her name on them had disappeared from the Tower. 

Tony still made occasional comments about it under his breath, but no one had ever addressed it directly with her. When Natasha didn’t want to talk about something, it was hard to bring it up.

Your nervousness shifted now into a feeling of dread. You felt frustrated at the practical stranger that you’d only ever wanted to like you. You were certain now that Natasha was going to hate whatever you bought her.

.

After the ominous story from Bruce, you spent the next few evenings alone in your room, scrolling endlessly through online lists for gift ideas. 

It was during one of these evenings that Natasha burst into your room unexpectedly.

Her eyes scanned the space, finding you instantly. She didn’t move closer.

‘I have you for Secret Santa.’ Natasha informed you tensely. You fought the annoyance that bubbled up inside you at her stressed tone. You weren’t hard to buy presents for, especially not compared to her.

‘Right.’ You replied, trying to keep your own tone calm.

‘What do you want?’ Natasha asked directly, her eyes focusing intensely on yours. You stared back at her, unable to believe what she’d just asked. You felt like another mission she’d been assigned to.

Something in you snapped, like a release of tension from every silent elevator ride you’d ever shared with her.

‘Just get me whatever you’d like me to have, Natasha.’ You replied harshly. ‘That’s exactly what I want.’

Natasha’s eyes narrowed slightly. You watched her try to assess your tone and your words. You didn’t like the feeling of it.

You looked away, staring back at the laptop screen and trying to blink away the embarrassing tears of frustration. 

Natasha left then. You shut your laptop and covered your face with your hands, taking a deep breath. You hated that she saw you as such an inconvenience.

Now, you were certain you’d be getting an information pamphlet on Not Being Such A Little Bitch for Christmas.

In the end, you asked Clint for help. He gave you exactly one suggestion and you took it tiredly. A bottle of vodka was about as impersonal as Natasha felt to you these days anyway.

.

The team did the gift exchange on the 23rd of December, before those with holiday plans needed to leave. You certainly didn’t have any plans to head away for. You’d already moved away to work for Shield, and then again for this job. No one you knew even lived on this side of the country. 

You didn’t mind too much, in fact you were beginning to look forward to it. Eating a takeout meal in the Avengers Tower seemed like a novel enough way to spend the holiday.

The present exchange had a warm atmosphere from the start. The tacky plastic Christmas tree that Clint had obviously found in a dollar store seemed more cheerful than the professionally decorated one that lived in the main lobby. 

Your eyes kept flickering over to Natasha as she played with the fake pine needles absentmindedly. Her hair was tied back, not in its typical braid, but in a loose ponytail. It flicked over her shoulder every time she glanced between the little tree and the rest of the team. 

She’d dressed casually for the event, wearing black jeans, a black top and an oversized red hoodie. Her small smile was soft and her shoulders seemed relaxed. It was the first time you’d ever seen her look so unguarded.

You and Natasha were the last to exchange your presents. What you already knew became clear to the team. You’d both gotten each other in the Secret Santa draw. You swapped the gifts carefully. 

‘You first.’ Natasha nodded, something surprisingly tentative in her expression.

Natasha’s gift was small. Not wrapped, it sat in a plain gift bag. There was a small box and a white piece of card. You read the card first. 

‘I knew you’d make a great Avenger. 

Thanks for proving me right. 

Natasha.’

The words were simple, her signature looped itself prettily across the bottom of the card.

Your heart dropped in surprise. Your eyes found Natasha’s and a hot rush of emotion rose up inside you. Natasha gave you her small smile, it looked almost shy. 

She’d had faith in you from the start. She’d been the one to request your transfer into the team. You hadn’t even thought she’d remembered you at Shield. The smile she’d once given you in the training room flashed through your mind.

The heat rushed to your cheeks. You realised how much of her personality had gotten lost in translation. You remembered her offering you painkillers when you were hurt. You’d heard criticism in her kindness. You hadn’t been fair at all.

She nodded once at the box in your lap and you remembered the gift itself. You opened the box hesitantly, aware of the others’ curious stares.

Inside the box was a necklace. Your breathing shallowed out as you processed it. The charm was the same red hourglass that was the insignia of the Black Widow. 

You wiped the unexpected tears from your face. You caught Natasha’s look of anticipation and tried to smile back. Your ‘Thank You’ got lodged in your throat.

Natasha’s smile widened a little. She moved now to open your present. 

The change inside of you was abrupt. Suddenly, the world moved in awful slow motion. You felt hot shame build up inside your throat. 

You watched her pull the bottle out of the badly wrapped packaging. You watched her swallow as she realised what it was. Disappointment flickered briefly over her face before her expression shuttered itself into a neutral one.

You could tell she was aware of the onlookers. Natasha laughed once, dryly.

‘Thanks.’ She said to you, eyes still on the bottle. Her voice rasped. ‘I do like vodka.’

Now, an awkward apology got caught in your throat. Your hand wrapped itself tightly around the velvet necklace box. The room was quiet, you watched Natasha’s shoulders subtly tense.

‘Tony, maybe it’s time to order the takeout.’ Bruce suggested suddenly. All at once, the room around you became busy again. 

Natasha excused herself immediately to put her gift in her room. Her smile seemed honest, but you caught the emptiness behind her eyes when she turned away. 

Your gaze trailed after her until Tony blocked your view abruptly, asking if you wanted any wontons.

.

The urgent call for the Avengers to assemble came before the takeout had even been ordered. 

You were the only one left behind. There was no time to even debate you joining them; the team had left the Tower immediately. The emergency was upstate and two civilians had already been killed. There wasn’t even time to include you on the comms.

You spent the rest of the day waiting worriedly. You watched the news just to have a way to feel connected. 

You kept hold of the jewellery box, your thumb rubbing worried circles against the velvet.

The All Clear update only came through in the evening. You finally called in the takeout order, knowing the whole team would be starving upon their arrival. 

Everyone, except for Clint and Natasha, entered together. Your eyes scanned the elevator worriedly as it opened up on the floor.

‘Clint had to head straight to his folks for Christmas.’ Steve told you quickly, noticing your obvious concern. ‘I guess Natasha went with him.’

Disappointment flooded you. Clint wasn’t due back for a full week. You wondered if Natasha would be away for that long too.

You ate in silence, brooding over your missed chance to even thank her properly. You owed Natasha more than one apology. 

Your phone buzzed in your pocket midway through the meal.

You slid it out to see a text from Clint.

‘Gone straight home for Christmas with family. Can you check Tasha got back safe?’

You read the text over again unnecessarily. You slipped the phone back into your pocket and quietly excused yourself from the group.

.

You headed straight to Natasha’s rooms in the Tower, two floors down in the elevator. You tried hesitantly to enter, expecting the door to be locked. But, the handle turned.

Natasha was sitting on the wide windowsill. Her eyes were rimmed red and she was staring out at the skyline of New York. You saw the bottle of vodka balanced between her legs, already half drunk. You felt sick.

She turned at the sound of you. Her long hair hung loose, framing her face. Her smile was too sad to seem genuine. 

The room felt too quiet.

‘I’m sorry.’ You told her immediately, rushing out the words that you’d been wanting to say all day.

‘For what?’ She asked softly. You couldn’t tell from her head tilt if the question was genuine.

‘I should have.’ You began to answer anyway, gesturing over at the vodka bottle. ‘I should have.’ You hesitated, trying to find the right words.

‘That was the best Christmas present I’ve ever had.’ Natasha told you suddenly. 

Disbelief clouded your mind for a moment. You paused in confusion.

‘It’s the only Christmas present I’ve ever had.’ Natasha added quietly, the side of her head resting against the pane of glass.

‘I thought you didn’t like presents.’ You admitted after a moment. Natasha’s eyebrow raised and you could feel her surprise at your words. 

‘Bruce told me about your almost birthday party.’ 

Natasha laughed once then. The laugh was genuine but the tone of it made you feel sick.

‘My mother abandoned me in the street. Why do I need a present for that?’ The hurt in the words stung sharply.

Natasha shut her mouth quickly then and you could tell that she was fighting not to cry. You watched her jaw tense. A tear rolled down her cheek and she rubbed it away. 

Your heart ached sharply. You wondered if anyone really knew Natasha. If everyone made assumptions, like you. 

You walked across the room. You noticed how harshly her hand had touched her cheek, seeing the reddened mark from the contact. 

You noticed her shoulders stiffen slightly at your proximity.

‘I think you’re exceptional.’ You told her softly, sitting along the same windowsill and facing her.

Natasha snorted, her eyes drifted between the view of New York and you.

‘That’s because I can kick your ass.’ She said lightly. You watched her try to crack a smile to relieve the tension. 

You stretched your leg out slowly and nudged hers with it. Natasha’s eyes met yours immediately in response, the half smile frozen on her lips.

‘No.’ You said firmly. ‘It’s because you are so kind.’

Natasha blinked at you in surprise. A frown pulled at the edge of her mouth, her disagreement was immediate.

‘You don’t know that.’ She muttered harshly. ‘I’ve done terrible things.’

Her thumb traced the glass rim of the open vodka bottle as she looked down at it.

‘Where did those birthday presents go then?’ You asked, already having guessed the answer.

Natasha rolled her eyes.

‘Those were ridiculous. Too expensive. Tony went beyond overboard.’ She told you, focusing completely on the vodka bottle now.

‘Someone always needs them more’ You murmured, echoing the words she’d once told you when you’d offered her painkillers. 

Natasha’s look was appraising as it focused back on you. Her eyes widened slightly and you wondered if it was at the accuracy of your memory or your guess.

Her mouth relaxed almost imperceptibly.

‘Not to mention this.’ You continued quietly, opening the small velvet box that you’d been carrying around all day. Your fingers trailed along the necklace chain.

‘I just figured you liked jewellery.’ Natasha muttered and her eyes glanced over to the necklace that you were wearing.

‘It’s perfect.’ You told her as you undid the clasp of the necklace around your neck, removing it and placing it on the window ledge between you. 

Slowly, you took the new necklace out of its box and began to loop it around your neck.

‘You don’t have to do that.’ Natasha told you, looking exhausted and embarrassed all at once. She watched you warily.

You ignored her, finally managing to hook the clasp together. 

Then, you moved to stand behind her.

‘Lift your hair.’ You told her softly. 

Natasha looked up at you, obviously confused. You picked up your old necklace from the window ledge.

‘No.’ She refused as the realisation hit her. 

You stayed steady in your resolve, waiting quietly. 

Natasha’s green eyes studied you, she looked uncertain. After a long moment, she lifted her hair up. 

You looped the necklace around her neck and fastened it carefully. Your fingers brushed her skin and you felt her shiver slightly.

Once you were done, you rested your hand tentatively on her shoulder. Natasha was only wearing her black top now and you could feel the warmth of her through the fabric. 

‘Happy Christmas, from someone who cares about you.’ You told her simply. 

You wished desperately that you had written it on a card like she had. You felt exposed as your words hung for a moment in the air between you. 

Then, Natasha’s hand moved silently to cover your own, holding it still against her shoulder. Your breath caught.

‘You want some?’ Natasha said after a moment, her knee nudging the vodka bottle.

.

That year was the first time you didn’t have any place to be for Christmas. 

So, you found one with Natasha.

[cjjohansson]

My Darling, You Enchant Me

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: a little teasing and a lot of pleasing.

Words: 1,453

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, strap-on, soft smut

A/N: The first few paragraphs are from a scrapped piece but I flushed it out and made it for Natasha. Thank you for the support. You guys are awesome.

You are mesmerized by the goddess astride you. The stunning flush that painted her once creamy white skin is breathtaking. Those green eyes you adore are set ablaze as they look upon you begging for release. 

Your eyes trail down her body appreciating the long crimson hair cascading down Natasha’s left shoulder. And the soft full breasts swaying with the motion of her hips as she rides your fingers. 

Your mind is lost in a haze. All you see is her. All you feel is her. The tensing of her thighs, the rolling of her hips, and the feeling of being inside of her is enchanting. 

The walls of her core welcome you like an old friend. They stretch around your fingers with familiarity. Your hand strains as a cramp runs through your wrist but you double your efforts wanting to please her. 

“So good, baby. Don’t fucking stop.” Natasha whimpers. 

“I wouldn’t dream of it, love” You husk. 

You feel small hands digging into your shoulders, nails tear into your flesh, leaving crescent marks in their wake. Your free hand flutters down the smooth warm skin of her back landing on her hip trying to help stabilize her as she loses herself in you.

The rhythm you’ve had thus far is becoming erratic as Natasha starts to mindlessly hump your hand as she chases her release. Indecipherable words leave her kiss swollen mouth. You know she’s close; with practiced ease you curl your fingers into the sweet spongy spot inside of her. Your thumb slides through slick folds to stimulate her clit. It is the catalyst that pushes her over the edge.

“Fuck, Detka. So good.” Natasha cries out.

She is a sight to behold as she reaches her climax. A sheen of sweat coats her taut body, strands of her red hair are stuck to her forehead, and her eyebrows are furrowed. Full pink lips drop open with a whimper as she basks in her pleasure. 

Small trembles work their way through her body as she slumps into you. She burrows her nose into your neck and the warmth of her breath sends shivers down your spine. You kiss the side of her head, lingering there for a little while, relishing in this closeness. 

You eventually withdraw your fingers from Natasha with reluctance.  She nips at your neck in displeasure causing you to chuckle. 

“Darling, as much as I would like too. I can’t stay inside of you forever.” Fondness coats your voice as you clean your slick covered hand in the navy blue sheets of your shared bed. 

“I know but I like feeling full.” Natasha mumbles into you. 

“Oh baby, I know you do. If you want I can fill you up properly? We won’t even need any lube with how wet you still are.” 

She withdraws from your neck, with a playful smirk, and green eyes filled with mischief. “Detka, the wetness our lower halves are drowning in is as much your fault as it is mine.” That perfect eyebrow of hers lifts sassily. “Don’t even pretend you aren’t going absolutely feral at the thought of fucking me with your strap.”

 Your hands creep up Natasha’s sides, landing just below her ribs, shooting her a cocky smirk of your own. “My little spy thinks she’s so funny, doesn’t she? Mhmm. Something definitely needs to be done about all of that sass…” 

Natasha anticipates your next move but it’s too late. She's caught in your clutches. You roll her over onto her back with a burst of adrenaline and you start tickling her in earnest. The most adorable squeak leaves the redhead before transforming into giggles.

You’re smiling so hard from the sounds of her happiness. It’s a privilege to know that you are the only one who gets to experience this side of her. The playful, loving and goofy woman that most people wouldn’t believe is hidden underneath the black widow persona. Is the same woman you get to love. What a wonderful life you lead.

“Baby, please stop tickling me.” Natasha manages to get out in between giggles.

Your heart fills with undeniable affection as you look upon her. The small smile she so rarely gets to wear outside of your home is present and you adore seeing her look so content. She’s covered in sweat, sticky with your shared arousal, and yet she looks at peace. You couldn’t help but match her energy. 

Your hands slow down, tickling transforms into a gentle caress, the mood between you shifting into something more tender. “Alright, my darling. No more tickling… I think it’s time I finally fill you up. Don’t you?”

Natasha hums in agreement. Her small hands push you towards the nightstand, urgent, you know how much she loves watching you prepare. 

You wink at her cheekily, before reaching towards your nightstands drawer and grabbing your well loved leather harness. Her gaze burns into you as you clamber off the bed to buckle yourself in. 

You reach back into the nightstand drawer, grabbing Natasha’s favorite toy, and shove it through the o-ring. The thick piece of silicone stands erect between your powerful thighs. 

Natasha’s hands are on you within seconds. She’s pulling you as close to her as she can get. Grasping onto your lower back and hips like her life depends on it as you settle between her legs. 

“Don’t worry, my love. I’m gonna take good care of you.” You murmur, allowing yourself to be drawn in. You push forward slightly just enough to grind against Natasha’s clit for a minute or so; making sure that the toy is coated in her slick.

She squirms beneath you; hips rutting against you in desperate need. “Detka, please. I need you inside.” 

You can’t deny her when she asks so sweetly and in truth you want to be inside of her as much as she does. You cradle Natasha in your arms, resting your forehead against hers, loving the intimacy. Her shaky inhale caresses your lips as you slowly push the tip in.

You push forward, at a leisure pace, until you are fully buried inside of her. Nails dig into your hips encouraging you to move. Your initial thrusts are mindful, wanting Natasha to adjust to your thickness, before you set a familiar pace. 

A slow sensual grind of pelvises, as you clutch to one another. You glide your nose along Natasha’s savoring her warmth. Stopping to draw her into a deep kiss; it’s all tongue, teeth and incoordination. 

You trail kisses down her jawline, pausing to suck an irresistible  earlobe into your mouth, nipping at the soft piece of flesh. A low moan echoes from beside you. You travel down her neck, leaving a wet path of saliva and love bites in your wake.

Natasha’s thighs tighten around your hips; begging you to go faster. 

“Oh god, fuck baby filling me so good.” Natasha keened.

You grunt in agreement. The toy is rubbing against your clit in the most delicious way every time she rocks against you. 

“Shit, babe. You feel so fucking good.” You nuzzle your nose into the crook of her neck. “Taking me so well. No one can make you feel as full as I can.” You anchor your hands on Natasha’s thighs, setting a faster pace, incoherent mumbling spews from supple lips.

“So full. Fuck, Jesus christ” Natasha mewls.

The two of you are rutting against each other like wild animals as you both chase your release. You know it won’t take long for either of you to cum with the franticness of your movements. 

Every thrust into Natasha is met with resistance as her walls tighten around your strap and her thighs start to shake. 

“Come with me, baby” one of your hands trails through dripping wet red curls to rub circles around Natasha’s clit. 

She tenses up with a shout of your name, fingers dig into your shoulder blades, holding on for dear life.  As shockwaves of pleasure ripple through her body. 

You cry out, as your own orgasm overtakes you. The neglected pressure in your loins finally being taken care of.

The adrenaline seeps out of you and the only thing you’re left with is bone deep exhaustion as you collapse onto Natasha.

The two of you curl around each other, breathing heavy, but satisfied.

“Damn, we really need to shower at some point but I don’t know if I will be able to stand anytime soon.” Natasha pants.

“Fuck, I know we are so sticky but I don’t want to get up.” You whine.

She hums in agreement. Neither of you try to move. You just stay there snuggled together and joined in the most intimate way. 

[cjjohansson]

Magic

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

1.6K

.

That morning, Natasha came to breakfast brimming with excitement.

You sensed the change in her energy immediately. You ate together at the cafeteria every day, the rigid Shield routine making your schedules generally easy to coordinate. 

You observed her subtly. Nothing else seemed out of the ordinary. 

Her long red hair was tied back in the usual ponytail. She wore an oversized grey t-shirt and leggings. She looked typically effortless. 

She tapped her fork against the side of her plate.

‘What?’ You asked at last, not able to stand the suspense any longer. 

Natasha looked up from her breakfast and her eyes were electric. So was her smile.

 ‘Are you free this afternoon?’ She asked you, ignoring your own question.

‘Yeah.’ You replied, elongating the sound as you tried your best to read her expression. 

Natasha nodded to herself and glanced down at her plate, You kicked her foot lightly under the table. 

Natasha’s attention snapped back to you and you noted just how bright her smile was. 

‘What do you have planned?’ You smiled back automatically.  

Natasha propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin against her hand. She shrugged her shoulders playfully. Your attention caught on her eyelashes. You pushed down the familiar feeling of attraction. 

‘Wanna have a sleepover?’ She asked you suddenly. The nervous excitement was almost buzzing from Natasha’s skin now.  

Understanding flooded you all at once. 

You forgot sometimes, because it was so easy to be Natasha’s friend.

You forgot that you were her first one.

‘Of course.’ You answered immediately, reaching over to steal a piece of food from her plate. Natasha’s reactions were always better than yours. She swatted you away easily.

.

You made plans to meet Natasha outside that afternoon. 

She refused to tell you where she was. Instead, she sent you a text with a picture of the view from where she was sitting and a smiley face.

You rolled your eyes at her teasing treasure hunt. Natasha was your favourite person. 

She was lying out on the grass behind one of the Shield residential buildings. 

Her eyes were crinkled, squinting from the sunshine as she identified you from a distance. 

Her wave was small. It seemed understated, but you knew she wasn’t this enthusiastic with anyone else.

Natasha got to her feet to greet you, her sunglasses were pushed up into her hair.

You caught her momentary hesitation and you opened your arms with the steady confidence you knew she sometimes needed.

Natasha hugged you with a subtle relief. 

You loved that she was beginning to trust in your friendship. You didn’t mind being patient.

You lay together in the warm sunshine for a few more hours, revelling in the lack of Shield tasks to do. Inevitably, the conversation kept moving back to your evening plans.

Natasha was going to cook you dinner.

She gave you an excited smile when she told you.

Her ear piercings glittered in the sunlight. 

You loved her. 

.

The sunshine made you sleepy and you ended up lying back with your eyes closed. Natasha kept her fingers resting gently at the top of your head, picking up her book and flitting through the pages artfully with one hand.

Natasha woke you as the sun was starting to slip behind the taller buildings. 

You smiled automatically when you opened your eyes to the sight of her.

Natasha insisted on carrying your overnight bag as you walked back to her place. 

You let yourself acknowledge your own excitement as you entered her apartment.

You’d only ever visited her place once before, a few months ago. You remembered it mostly for the sparse decoration. 

Now, subtle pieces of her personality had started to clutter the space. It looked much better for it.

Natasha walked proudly through to the living room, it took you a moment to understand her purposefully slow gait and side glances. To realise what she wanted you to see.

Your mouth opened in surprise at the fairy lights that she’d hung along the far wall. 

‘Wow.’ You commented, your heart twisting in a strange way. No one had any idea about this side of Natasha.

Natasha flushed, pulling her hair out of the pony tail and letting the wall of red hair partially obscure her. 

‘It’s silly.’ She murmured.

‘No.’ You smiled at her reassuringly. ‘I think it’s the best.’

You sat together on the sofa and at Natasha’s insistence, you chose something to watch on her laptop. As the evening went on, you noted all the new pieces around you that had been chosen by Natasha. The cartoon Easter bunny on the mug she offered you. The leafy green plant that took up a corner of the room. A birthday card you’d sent her. You tried not to smile too obviously.

.

Natasha made far too much pasta for dinner. You watched her brow furrow in frustration as she realised. 

You told her you didn’t mind but she shook her head.

‘I should have checked the recipe.’ She muttered to herself harshly. Natasha was rarely angry at anyone but herself.

You placed your hand on her shoulder and Natasha’s breath caught. Slowly, you felt the tension leave her. 

‘Sorry.’ She murmured softly after a moment. 

You wrapped an arm around her, giving her a careful side hug. 

‘Don’t apologise.’ You commanded easily. ‘This day is already the best day.’

Wordlessly, Natasha turned around in your hold. Her face buried against your shoulder as she hugged you tightly.

Her vulnerability settled in your chest. 

‘Come on.’ You suggested in a gentle tone. ‘Don’t worry. I know how sleepovers work.’

You led her back to the sofa and Natasha sat down, her head swivelling in confusion as you sat behind her on the very back of the sofa. 

You nodded over to her laptop.

‘This time, you pick.’ You prompted as you split her hair into several pieces and began a simple braid. Natasha’s lips pressed together and you sensed her quiet gratefulness. 

You squeezed her shoulders with your knees affectionately.

As the opening credits of a Julia Roberts rom-com sailed past on the screen, Natasha hummed to herself in satisfaction. 

Slowly, she leaned against your left leg.

You stayed still after you’d finished the braid, not wanting to disturb her. Natasha seemed to have become slowly engrossed in the movie. 

You tried to pay attention too. 

Absentmindedly, Natasha picked up your hand. She threaded her fingers with yours and let them rest near her shoulder. 

You felt shaky with a rush of love.

You tried to remind yourself that this didn’t mean the same to her. You closed your eyes, giving up on the movie entirely as you tried to ground yourself.

Natasha wasn’t your girlfriend. 

You couldn’t say anything. You couldn’t ruin her first ever friendship. It wasn’t fair. 

When the movie finished and the end credits were rolling, you looked down at Natasha for the first time. 

You should have guessed something was wrong from her silence.

‘Hey.’ You worried immediately as you registered the tear tracks staining her cheeks. ‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

Natasha’s lip trembled at your acknowledgement. She kept staring at the laptop screen.

‘I’m sorry.’ She told you, and for a brief illogical moment, you thought she was still talking about the pasta.

‘What’s wrong?’ You repeated, as slow rising panic filled you. Natasha had never cried in front of you before. 

You tightened your hold of her hand. 

‘I love you.’ Natasha whispered. You could feel the shivers running down her spine. 

Shock flooded you. 

‘You love me?’ You repeated dumbly. 

Natasha took a shuddering breath. 

‘I don’t want to ruin this.’ She mumbled as she got to her feet. ‘I know it must sound ridiculous.’ 

Your joined hands broke as she started to walk away. 

You watched her clench and unclench her fingers. You realised she was trembling all over. 

‘Natasha.’ You whispered.

‘I just hoped that maybe you might see today.’ Natasha continued nervously, her Russian accent catching at the end of each sentence. ‘That I can be normal, you know?’

She turned to you and her smile made your heart ache.

‘I know that you know some of the things I’ve done.’ She whispered sadly.

.

You’d been part of the extraction team from Budapest. Natasha had never mentioned that mission, but you’d seen the blankness on her face when she’d first arrived at Shield Headquarters. You’d read through her file once. Lots of it was guesswork, but it couldn’t all be wrong.

When you’d first become friends, you’d noticed the constant dark circles under her eyes that told of nightmares you couldn’t imagine.

You didn’t hold the things in that file against her. Natasha already held them against herself.

.

You stood up from the sofa and took a step forward. 

Natasha huffed a nervous breath, brushing a loose piece of hair away from her face.

You took her hand again, and watched a sweet relief calm her expression.

At last, you understood the feeling that was written across Natasha’s face.

You’d been feeling it just as long as she had. 

‘I do know some of the things you’ve done.’ You acknowledged slowly, watching Natasha’s lips part with shallow breaths. ‘There are things I know that you don’t talk about.’

You heard Natasha’s breath catch. You watched her go still with nerves.

‘But that doesn’t stop me loving you. Because I already know your heart.’

You kissed Natasha softly. Her lips pressed hurriedly against yours. 

Kissing Natasha felt like fire in the rain. 

When you broke apart, Natasha’s smile was vulnerable and bright at the same time.

Her skin sparkled under the fairy lights. 

She looked like magic.

[cjjohansson]

Chin Up

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count: 3.4k

.

When you first met Natasha, she had blue hair. 

She was awkward, limbs growing faster than she knew what to do with. Still skinny enough to be drowned by a band t-shirt that needed the sleeves rolled up. 

You were the new kid at school. You were even more awkward.

On your first day, you saw her sitting alone at lunch. The cafeteria was overwhelmingly busy, seats at every other table were being fought over. You tried to keep your chin up as you walked the length of Natasha’s otherwise empty table, sliding onto the stool across from her. 

Natasha’s head snapped up from her book at your arrival. It was a beaten up paperback, spine folded back on itself. 

‘Any good?’ You asked cheerfully, if a little desperately. Just one friend. That’s all you needed. The other children made wide berths around you in the corridors, as if you were more alien than stranger. 

Natasha seemed frustrated by your inquiry. She closed her book quickly and stuffed it back in her bag.  She stared down at her half eaten peanut butter sandwich, purposefully avoiding your nervous smile.

You didn’t know what you’d done wrong.

‘Sorry.’ You muttered, heat flaming your cheeks.

You started to bounce your leg anxiously under the table. You picked at your own sandwich. You weren’t hungry, but you didn’t want to look even weirder than you already were. 

A lump caught in your throat as you looked across the rest of the cafeteria. You felt jealous of the easy banter between the other large groups of students. You wished that it could be you. That you could fit in, just this once. 

‘Sometimes they steal my books.’ Natasha said unexpectedly. Her voice was carefully even. She tightened her loose grip on the strap of her backpack.

You glanced back out at the sea of students. Their playful banter had a mocking edge to it that you hadn’t noticed before.

‘That sucks.’ You answered fiercely. 

Natasha rolled her eyes casually, taking another bite of her sandwich and retrieving her book again. You took a deep breath, settled by her returned nonchalance.

You felt hungrier and refocused on your lunch. As you ate, you zeroed in on a group of girls across the room. They were laughing as they ripped pages slowly from another beaten up book. Your mouth opened in shock.

‘They’re the worst.’ Natasha spoke up again, casually following your gaze. Her tone was dismissive. 

You didn’t speak. You stared at your fingers as they twisted together atop the laminate table. Anxiety rolled through you.

So far, none of these kids seemed to like you. You weren't even sure that you wanted them to. The next few years of education stretched before you ominously. 

Suddenly, you felt a plastic wrapper graze your forearm. You startled and looked up. Natasha pushed the chocolate bar across the table with her fingertips.

‘My mom always packs two.’ She informed you with a shy shrug. 

One of the kids at this school liked you.

You smiled again.

‘I like your blue hair.’ You blurted as you took the chocolate bar. 

Natasha’s cheeks tinged pink. You caught the way she lifted her chin up when she next met your eyes. 

‘Thanks.’ She mumbled, awkwardly offering out her hand to shake. ‘My name’s Natasha.’ 

.

Natasha was your first friend. For a long time, she was your only one. 

Then, one day she was no one at all. 

.

You didn’t see her again until 2012. 

.

When your best friend had first gone missing, the stories that swarmed the neighbourhood were unbelievable.

There had been no warning from the family. No phone number, no forwarding address. 

The first rumour was that loan sharks were after Natasha’s Dad. 

Then, men in suits came knocking on the neighbours’ doors. The rumours shifted to something more criminal; money laundering, fraud. 

Bullies at school laughed at you. The joke was that you’d somehow scared off the second weirdest kid in school. You grieved Natasha’s disappearance alone.

You sat through classes silently, dreaming up a hundred reasons to justify why Natasha might leave you behind in a place like this.

Nothing could have been more far-fetched than the truth. 

A super spy.

You were watching the live news broadcast when New York was attacked. Everyone was. 

You stared at raw footage of an alien race invading the planet. Nothing could be more shocking, you thought. And then, you saw the Avengers.

Natasha did not look the same. 

No more awkward and gangly; no more blue hair. 

It was the familiar tilt of her chin as she stared up at a passing spacecraft that jolted your memory.

You knelt in front of your TV, trying to get closer to the impossible picture. 

Two days later, the city officials held a large press conference. It was hosted on the first floor of the new Stark Tower. Steve Rogers and Tony Stark were in attendance.

Tony Stark called her ‘Red’ off-handedly.

That’s what gave you the idea.

There was nothing else you could think to do anyway. Natasha Romanoff had the shortest Wikipedia entry you’d ever seen.

You addressed a letter to Stark Tower in the hopes it might reach her. It was beyond a long shot, but you had to try. 

It was hard to explain the national feeling of adrenaline that lingered after the attack. It almost seemed like sure fate that Natasha would reply. Aliens were real and Earth had won. Impossible odds were being beaten all the time.

It was not that easy. It took six months for you to hear a response. 

Your phone buzzed in the middle of the night with a text. 

Despite the late hour, the message was carefully constructed. 

You used to be able to read Natasha’s nervousness a mile off. When her Dad called her home early. When the teacher called her out for exceptional work in class. When you asked her favourite Christmas present and she stumbled over the answer.

‘Thanks for reaching out.’ She began, formal with her friendliness. ‘I do remember you and I appreciated your letter. We should catch up soon.’

The text sounded distant, but you felt certain that she wouldn't have sent it if she hadn’t wanted a response.

You tried to picture the woman that you’d seen on television, but all you could think of was the blue haired girl.

Despite everything that had happened. Natasha was still Natasha.

You called her. 

She answered after two rings. Vindication rippled over your skin, you were right.

‘Hi.’ Natasha breathed out.

Her voice rasped unfamiliarly.

Your heart twisted as you heard all the years that had passed. 

Natasha Romanoff was an adult now. 

‘I’ve missed you so much.’ You told her before you had time to think.

You heard her muted surprise in shallow breaths.

‘I missed you too.’ She murmured after a moment. There was a pang of emotion in her voice, you could feel it down the phone. ‘You were my best friend.’

Your stomach swooped strangely at her words.

You tried to play off the feeling. You sighed with mock dramatics.

‘Now you prefer the Hulk right?’ You teased.

‘Oh yes.’ Natasha hummed, picking up the easy pattern of your teenage conversations. ‘He’s much better company.’

You talked for twenty minutes, mixing nostalgia with light inquiries about her new life. 

Before the call ended, Natasha invited you to visit her in New York.

It was an easy answer to give. 

When you hung up the phone, you held it close to your chest for a moment. The room was beginning to grow light with the dawn outside.

.

Natasha was not an awkward teenager anymore. 

She waited for you in the entrance of Stark Tower, dressed casually in leggings and a hoodie. 

It was unnerving. She was almost familiar to you. 

Your eyes met as you entered through the glass front doors. 

Natasha hugged herself, playing with the grey fabric of her hoodie.

You remembered the nervous gesture. You wondered if she still had the habit, or if she’d just remembered it because of you.

You sensed her uncertainty as you got closer. You opened your arms for a hug and she looked grateful for the direction. 

She fit perfectly. 

Your eyes filled with tears as her arms tightened around you. 

When Natasha pulled away, she gave you a confused look. 

You shook your head, swallowing down the lump in your throat. 

‘I always hoped you were okay.’ You mumbled, wiping your cheeks, embarrassed at how quickly you’d gotten emotional. ‘Fuck, I’m so glad you’re alive.’

Natasha’s eyes shuttered with a sudden blankness. She tried to shake it away too. 

‘No-one’s ever said that to me before.’ She murmured under her breath, before leading you back to the Tower’s elevators.

You pondered her words during the silent elevator ride. Natasha’s life was clearly full of danger. She was on the front line of extra-terrestrial defence. She’d fought monsters on live tv. 

You thought of the fake American Mom and Dad you’d been introduced to. You thought of the little sister, who had seemed so devoted to Natasha. 

Now no one was waiting for Natasha to come home safe. 

In the elevator you took her hand, squeezing it gently.

Natasha looked at you, eyes crinkling with simple happiness. She squeezed back. 

‘Red hair suits you.’ You commented. ‘But, I preferred the blue.’

Natasha rolled her eyes with mock exasperation. The elevator doors opened. 

.

The space was obviously built to be a common area, but it was empty now. 

Natasha led you right through the middle of it. 

You entered her room, following behind her. You stopped in the doorway, trying to take it in.

As a teenager, Natasha’s bedroom had been wall-to-wall with bright posters. In contrast, this room seemed almost clinically blank. A single piece of understated art hung on the far away wall. The bedspread was pristine white, like a hotel.

Your eyes clung to the only piece of personality in the room. A stack of CDs and a CD player lay on the hardwood floor, next to the largest window you’d ever seen. You recognised the top CD’s cover art immediately; Nevermind by Nirvana.

You looked at Natasha in surprise. It had been her favourite album when you’d last known her. 

Natasha met your gaze readily. There was a glint of defiance in the tilt of her chin. 

‘Oh, so you still have good taste.’ You grinned.

There was a pause. Natasha’s lip twitched with the start of a smile. Then, she hugged herself again.

‘I loved those songs.’ Natasha whispered, and her sudden fragility startled you. ‘It was the best time.’

Her eyes were careful, but you felt the emotion hiding in them. You moved forward again, hugging her instinctively.

‘The best time.’ You agreed quietly.

You spent the afternoon listening to the album, then another one, then another. The CDs were well played. Sometimes the disc would catch for a moment, but the song would always persevere.

You didn’t feel the need to talk. 

Natasha sprawled out on her bed, head cupped in her hands as she faced you. You sat on the windowsill next to the music, leaning your head against the side and watching her in return. 

You exchanged smiles back and forth. You exchanged memories of the songs with just a twitch of an eyebrow or the quirk of a lip. 

Natasha’s finger tapped at the side of her jaw absentmindedly. 

Eventually, time moved on. When one album finished playing, Natasha swung her legs over the side of her bed and stretched casually. You didn’t believe the nonchalance for a second, sure that such a smooth gesture must take forethought. 

‘Dinner?’ She asked and you nodded with a smile, ready and terrified to meet her roommates.

Captain America offered you a bowl of pasta.

The weirdest day of your life only got weirder. The other Avengers were sitting around watching a large flat-screen television. Natasha picked her feet up as she stepped around their legs, heading to the furthest away sofa. 

You followed behind her, muttering quiet hellos in answer to the openly curious stares of Iron Man, Hawkeye and Dr. Banner.

Natasha tucked her legs underneath her as she sat in the far corner of the sofa. 

Automatically, you followed a habit that had been established years before. You threw yourself casually into the space directly next to her. Your fork snuck over to her bowl of pasta, stealing a piece. You tasted it and grinned.

‘Yours is always better.’ You complained, watching as Natasha stuck her tongue out in response. 

You only remembered your audience when Tony Stark cleared his throat.

‘Did she tell you that she’s a ruthless assassin.’ He stated loudly, receiving a not-so-subtle elbow jab from Captain America.

‘What?’ Tony retorted, rubbing his side pointedly. ‘She’s never brought a date home before. And there must be a reason she’s called the Black Widow.’ 

You watched Natasha from the corner of your eye; the sudden embarrassment spilling over her face. The shame that lingered for a split second.

‘Not all names are literal.’ You answered bitingly, feeling an old defensive urge flaring. There had been enough bullies going after Natasha when you were at school. ‘We don’t call you Micro-Penis Man, do we?’

Hawkeye snorted with laughter, Dr. Banner’s lip twitched. 

‘Clever.’ Tony drawled sarcastically. 

You ignored him, turning back to Natasha instead. Her expression was unreadable as she searched your face. You didn’t know what she was looking for. 

You sat in silence for the rest of your meal, watching the generic movie on screen instead of engaging in more awkward conversation. More than once though, you felt the curious stares of the others lingering on you.

.

As soon as you’d both finished eating, Natasha led you back to her room. This time, the air inside felt different. You caught the loosening of her shoulders, her subtle relief at returning to her own space. She threw her hoodie on top of her bedspread.

You glanced back around the room, realising abruptly that the minimal design wasn’t meant to feel clinical. It was more reminiscent of a spa. 

You caught Natasha’s attention and gave her an encouraging smile.

‘Nice digs.’ You commented, raising your eyebrows.

Natasha laughed once, voice so much richer than you remembered. She ran her fingers through her hair. Your eyes caught on the muscles flexing in her bare arm. 

‘It’ll do.’ She shrugged teasingly. ‘It’s nicer than Ohio.’

You sniffed dramatically. ‘Less alien attacks in Ohio.’

‘Just Russian infiltration.’ Natasha countered dryly. A tension shivered through you as she finally acknowledged the unspoken. The childhood friendship that had brought you here and the lie at the centre of it. 

A burning sadness bubbled up inside you. You could taste it burning your throat. Your eyes pricked suddenly with tears. 

Natasha stared at you with confusion and something akin to fear. 

You moved toward her, watching as she resisted an urge to step further back. You took her hands in yours. You blinked and for a moment, her hair was blue.

‘I’m going to say this wrong.’ You explained ruefully, holding her wide eyed attention. Her palms were warm, soft and familiar. 

‘I’m on your side.’ You promised clumsily. ‘Even if you decide to join the aliens. Even if you don’t want it. You didn’t stop being my best friend.’

You waited for an evaluating stare, a moment of hesitation. 

Instead, you felt the soft push of Natasha’s head pressing against your shoulder. Her body moved flush against yours. Your arms slid around her back. You felt the curve of her spine beneath her clothes. The thud of her heart, hidden within a ribcage.

‘There’s a spare room ready.’ Natasha murmured at last, words muffled. ‘But maybe you can just stay in here.’

Natasha held her chin high as she took a step back, regarding you expectantly. 

A wide smile broke out on your face. 

‘A sleepover? On a school night?’ You teased, enjoying the way your acceptance brightened Natasha’s countenance too. 

.

You changed into your pyjamas in Natasha’s ensuite bathroom. You brushed your teeth and stared at yourself for a few minutes in her large mirror. 

You wondered how different you must look to her now. If she noticed all the traces of growing up laid out on your skin. 

Natasha was beginning to feel eternal. 

You left the bathroom and froze almost immediately in your tracks. 

Natasha was standing beside her bed, putting on her pyjama top. It was halfway over her head and her bare back faced you. 

You couldn’t stop your sharp intake of breath. 

Scars littered her soft curves.

Harsh, deep welts that hurt to look at. Her skin was mottled in places, coated with different shades of injury. Some scars were older, but others seemed painfully new. 

They criss-crossed into a brutal painting, brushstrokes feverishly ripped across her skin. 

A sharp sense of outrage was already burning through you. A need to fix what had already been done. 

Natasha had already pulled her top down calmly, turning to face you with steady resolve. 

‘I’m not ashamed of them.’ She said with simple directness. 

Natasha kept her chin up as you walked closer to her. You noticed the slight tremble in her jaw when you were inches from her. She held her arms still at her side and you wondered if she was resisting the urge to hug herself. Defensiveness rippled through her. A readiness to hold onto her dignity.

You had seen that stance many times before, in the high school cafeteria. 

For the first time, you realised that Natasha did not remember you like you remembered her. She could not recall the simplicity of teenage drama and stupid crushes. 

A lifetime of trauma sat between you. There was no before or after with Natasha. She’d had scars long before she’d had blue hair.

There were no words for your new understanding. Your chest squeezed with something like love or sadness.

‘I know.’ You answered her at last. You shrugged helplessly. ‘I just wish I’d been around.’

You touched Natasha’s face without thinking, a careful stroke along her cheek. Your fingers reached her hair and you touched a piece of it reverently. When you looked back to her face, Natasha’s eyes were closed. 

Your kiss was feather light. Your lips barely brushed hers. The taste of her stained your mouth anyway. You felt yourself reorientate like a compass finding North. 

Natasha’s eyes fluttered open, her smile was shy. You still saw the fear lingering at the edge of everything. You chose not to mind it. 

.

You slept in the same bed that night. Natasha held your arm lightly between her own. 

Her even breaths lulled you with their gentle rhythm. Loose strands of her hair tickled your clavicle. 

You stared at the ceiling and thought about intimacy. About love and friendship. 

The lingering tattoo of Natasha on your lips was spreading through your veins now.

At 3am, an alarm sounded.

Sudden and pounding, it echoed from the ceiling. A droning tempo that had you scrambling to your feet.

Natasha grabbed your arm tiredly, halting your sleepy confusion

‘Avengers alarm.’ She informed you, her voice crisp and clear. You felt like you’d barely blinked before a dressed Natasha Romanoff was walking out the door. 

All the words you wanted to say were still on your tongue. 

.

Seven hours. 

Seven hours spent pacing the common room. Watching an unhelpful news broadcast and hoping the building’s AI system might finally tell you something useful. 

Seven hours imagining the worst. Seven hours praying for her to come home. 

.

When the elevator doors opened at last, you were beside yourself. 

‘Thank God.’ You muttered as you hurried forward, pulling Natasha into a tight hug. You breathed her in. ‘Thank God.’ You repeated, more for yourself than for her.

When you let her go, Natasha took a moment to look at you properly. 

‘You waited.’ Natasha commented slowly, her gaze never wavering. 

You nodded silently, a lump caught in your throat. You couldn’t understand her expression. You didn’t have time to think

Her hand touched your waist. With one finger she reached over, tilting your chin towards her.

She licked her lips, full of intention. 

Her mouth pressed softly against yours. 

You were a compass and she was North.

.

When you fell in love with Natasha, she had red hair.

[cjjohansson]

absolutely beautiful

Redemption

Natasha Romanoff x Reader Word count: 4.2k

.

You found yourself in love with a murderer. 

You preferred the word ‘assassin’. So did Natasha, most days. But there were moments. When her eyes caught on unobtrusive things.

Little girls walking down the sidewalk, holding their father’s hands.

Generic news stories about local fires.

Strangers saying goodbye at subway stations.

Guilt clung to Natasha like a second shadow. You tried to alleviate it. 

It wasn’t your place. It wasn’t your job. It certainly wasn’t your life plan.

You still tried.

.

It had started one afternoon, with a text from an old friend from high school. Maria informed you about some brief downtime in her usually hectic work life. You made evening plans for some drinks at a bar. 

An hour beforehand, she asked if she could bring along someone else, a friend from work. That was probably why you’d been a little nervous, waiting at the bar with two empty seats ready beside you.

They walked in together, their matching strides showing their friendship more than anything. Maria greeted you with a familiar smile and the beginnings of an easy conversation. You tried not to stare at the stranger she’d brought with her.  

Natasha didn’t take off her black bomber jacket when she sat down next to you. With her dark jacket and dark jeans, her pale face and red hair stood out in contrast. You watched her eyes dart uncomfortably around the room, looking everywhere except at you.

Natasha’s hands stayed deep in her pockets until you offered to buy them both a drink. The redhead shook her head immediately, voice rasping when she assured you that it was fine.

Maria rolled her eyes. Her smirk told you what you’d immediately suspected. This was her attempt at a setup.

You resented the gleam in Maria’s eyes. Natasha’s was obviously less than enthused to meet you.

‘She drinks cheap beer like it tastes good.’ Maria informed you readily. You nodded back with a careful smile, before turning to order the drinks.

‘Fuck you Maria.’ You heard Natasha mutter embarrassedly over your shoulder whilst you tried to get the bartender’s attention.

Natasha drank her beer from the bottle, silently. Her knuckles were bruised a colour that you couldn’t decide.

Maria spoke to you like there wasn’t a moody stranger perched awkwardly between you. 

Natasha leaned forward so that you could talk over her hunched shoulders. She blew along the top of the glass bottle, making quiet sounds to herself as she tuned the pair of you out. Her fingers picked at the paper label.

You wondered how Maria had convinced her to come along to this. 

One part of their compromise became clear when midnight arrived. 

Almost to the second, Natasha checked her watch and coughed pointedly. Maria’s annoyance flashed clearly across her face at the sound. She glared obviously at Natasha, wordlessly chastising her lack of social skills. Natasha shrugged, thumb still running endless circles over the top of the glass bottle.

‘It’s getting late anyway.’ You observed passively, trying to smooth the situation. Natasha was obviously not interested in you or this evening; it felt kinder to set her free.

Maria nodded reluctantly, before leaving to visit the bathroom before you all exited the bar. 

Natasha seemed to find the newly empty barstool on her right more interesting than you.

Maybe it was the drinks you’d had. Maybe it was the weird tension of being set up with someone so disinterested.

‘It’s a shame.’ You said loudly, directing your words at the bright shelves of bottles lined up behind the bar. Natasha’s head turned slowly towards you. 

‘You’re very hot. I would have liked your number.’  You kept your tone light, reaching over and using your nails to scrape the last sticky pieces of label from her empty beer bottle. 

Natasha had made her feelings clear. You felt entitled to do the same.

‘You wouldn’t if you knew me.’ Natasha replied carefully, but you could tell the answer had been ready on her lips. You wondered at her quick response, whether she’d anticipated your interest, or if it was something she’d been thinking about anyway.

‘Too much to handle?’ You prompted with a small smile. 

‘Maria doesn’t tell you stories about her job.’ Natasha stated neutrally. It wasn’t a question, but you answered anyway.

‘No, she doesn’t. She says they’ll give me nightmares.’

‘I’m the reason why.’ Natasha told you seriously. A smirk ghosted over your lips until you registered her tone.

Natasha kicked the bar stool back unexpectedly. She looked smaller than you remembered as she stood facing the bar. Her thumbs pressed against the bottle, you watched her fingernails dig uselessly into the hard, smooth surface of the glass.

Her eyes flickered back to you but this time her gaze lingered, like a piece of thread caught on a thorn. 

Maybe you knew enough about her already. Maybe you enjoyed leaps of faith. 

‘Well, I don’t sleep anyway.’ You told her decidedly. 

Natasha’s focus moved back to the bar top. You watched her eyes skitter over the surface, taking note of every water mark and stain.

‘Don’t.’ She muttered quietly, voice cracking. 

‘I’m not afraid of nightmares.’ You continued, getting to your feet too. 

Natasha met your gaze again. You felt a spark run through you.

You didn’t understand her expression but you couldn’t look away. 

In one cautious movement, you took her hand. Natasha looked down at the motion, suddenly becoming very still.

Her hand was warm, her skin was soft except for the ridge of a scar that cut across her palm. Your thumb brushed over it. Natasha tensed at the tiny gesture.

‘Don’t.’ She whispered again, voice smaller than before. Your thumb stilled. Natasha’s shallow breathing faltered. 

You knew that she was waiting for you to let go of her hand. As if you could only want to drop it, now that you’d held it. 

Maria whistled from the other side of the bar. You recognised the sound and your head swivelled automatically. So did Natasha’s. Maria nodded exaggeratedly at the door. Her eyes were gleaming again.

You held Natasha’s hand more firmly as you led her out of the bar, weaving together between the other customers and the crowded tables.

The icy air stung your face painfully when you left the building. Beside you, you could see Natasha’s breaths emerging before her like plumes of smoke. 

You hesitated when she came to a stop beside you. Gently, you squeezed her hand once, then twice. 

Natasha studied your expression from the side. Her eyebrows furrowed with confusion. You bumped your shoulder lightly against her own.

Maria watched you both, her arms folded in front of her chest. You glanced up and shared a quick smile. You felt a rush of nostalgia for your high school best friend. She hadn’t changed.

‘I should call us a taxi.’ Maria told Natasha, her head still turned towards you.

‘But we can walk you home first?’ She offered, purposefully neutral so she wouldn’t influence your answer. You waved her off.

‘I’m only two minutes away.’ You reminded her. You knew that was the reason she’d suggested meeting at this particular bar in the first place.

Natasha’s hand was somehow still in yours. Her skin felt warmer against the cold night.

There was a long beat of silence. Maria shared a look with Natasha and then walked away a few steps as she called the taxi number.

You felt a careful squeeze of your hand. 

‘Give me your phone.’ Natasha muttered quietly and your sudden smile grew wide enough that your cheeks hurt. Her hand slipped from yours as she typed in the digits. 

You were starting to shiver when you caught Maria’s raised eyebrow. You kept smiling. Things were falling unexpectedly into place.

When Natasha gave you your phone back, her eyes told you that she was making no promises.

You thought about her reddened cheeks when you walked away.

.

Natasha told you what her job was on the third date. You’d already sensed her careful avoidance of the subject, you’d already decided not to push.

It was only as she said the word ‘assassin’ that you understood why she’d brought it up. 

If you were to leave. Let it be now.

She wanted it to hurt less for both of you.

Natasha was sitting awkwardly on the overstuffed arm of your sofa when she told you. 

Your three dates had been spread over the last month and a half. They’d been difficult to schedule. Her work was evidently irregular and demanding of her time. Now you understood why.

‘Should you be telling me this?’ You asked, feeling like you were towering over her as you shifted to stand closer. 

The corners of Natasha’s mouth tightened slightly.

‘No. But there are ways to make you forget it.’ She conceded bluntly. The answer seemed logical, if alarming. You tried to feel panic at the acknowledgment that your memory might be altered by an organisation of super spies. 

No overwhelming fear stirred inside you. Maybe it was because all you could picture was Maria’s face. You’d guessed a lot of things about your friend’s job, but managing assassins hadn’t been one of them. 

You felt Natasha scan your face for any hint of worries. 

You knew how you felt but you didn’t know what your face said. 

Concern, sympathy, acceptance.

You still wanted Natasha. 

You reached down and began to play with Natasha’s fingers where they rested unsurely on her lap. At your gentle touch, the tension loosened from her arms. Natasha didn’t blink as she watched you raise her hand to your lips. You saw the tiny white scars that littered her knuckles. You kissed them carefully. 

Self loathing rolled through Natasha’s expression. She took her hand back. 

In a move that had become familiar to you now, you leaned forward to kiss her cheek. Natasha’s hands adjusted automatically to rest on your back. 

You leaned in slowly again and kissed the dark circle under each eye. 

‘I told you I’m not scared of nightmares.’ You reminded her, letting your fingers rest at the base of her neck.

Natasha looked up at you. Her gaze asked you for forgiveness. You wondered if she knew what her eyes said.

You kissed Natasha’s forehead and she closed her eyes. Her forehead found your chest. She leaned forward with a heaviness that felt sad and right at the same time. Her arms tightened around you. 

You ran your hands slowly down the length of her back, tracing the light curve of her spine. You pretended not to feel her shake. You ignored the way her lips trembled with ragged breaths. You hummed to yourself and for her.

You couldn’t give her what she didn’t know how to accept.

Natasha stayed the night in your bed, her body curled away from you. You kept your hand resting on her side, feeling her steady breathing. 

She was gone when you woke up. You didn’t let yourself feel surprised. You texted her as you wandered through your apartment for coffee. 

‘Call me when you can.’

Natasha was a lonely creature. You’d known that from the start.

.

She called you a week later. 

When you picked up, Natasha didn’t speak. The line was silent.

‘I’m glad you called.’ You said to her simply. You were falling for her. You couldn’t tell her yet.

Natasha exhaled deeply.

‘Okay.’ She said quietly. But it sounded like a thank you.

She invited you out to dinner that night. Told you she was back in town for a few days. You wondered where she’d been. You didn’t know if you wanted to ask.

You met her at the restaurant. You’d dressed up, recognising the name of the place. Natasha’s hair hung in a single braid down her back. 

Your eyes lingered on the small wisps that had broken free. 

Natasha’s eyes caught on your smile. Her shoulders relaxed and she gave you a small wave. She was wearing a white shirt, open at the collar. Your eyes trailed downwards before you pulled them back up. Natasha smirked.

They served good food. You insisted on ordering the cheapest beer on the menu for her. Natasha rolled her eyes but you knew she was hiding a smile. You nudged her ankle with your foot and she nudged yours back. 

There was a candle on the table, the soft light of it reflected in her eyes. You kept losing track of the conversation, watching instead how her lips moved when she talked. The warm air felt sparkling.

Natasha’s arm went around your shoulders when you walked back to your apartment together. 

You held Natasha’s hand as you led her up the stairs to your front door. She didn’t let it go when she pressed you up against your bedroom wall. 

That night, Natasha lay in your bed with her face to the ceiling. Your palm rested against her stomach. You watched your hand rise and fall with her breaths. You fell asleep first, losing yourself in the slow rhythm of her tracing patterns on your bare skin.

You woke up alone, with the sunlight pale enough that you could tell it was still early. This time disappointment flooded you at the sight of your empty bed. 

You heard a noise in the other room and automatically you followed it.

You watched her from the living room doorway. Natasha was putting on her jacket. She was turned away from you but from the way she stiffened you had no doubt that she’d heard you approach. 

Natasha didn’t try to look at you, her jaw was tight with unreleased tension.

‘I have a mission.’ She muttered after a moment. She sounded frustrated.

‘That’s okay.’ You tried to appease. Natasha turned to give you with an ironic smile. 

‘I just wanted to be someone else for a bit.’ She told you suddenly, her voice still rasping with sleep. ‘I hoped - I thought I had more time.’

Natasha must have read the worry in your expression. 

‘Maybe not someone else. Maybe I just wanted to be myself.’ She corrected carefully. 

You tried to shrug casually as you moved across the room. 

‘You were beautiful last night.’ You told her, lifting your hands to fix the collar of her shirt. ‘But you’re still beautiful this morning.’

Natasha huffed with incredulity. Her eyes threatened with sudden, frustrated tears.

You wished that she would stop painting herself as a failure for what she couldn’t help. 

You were falling in love with Natasha. 

You kissed her lips softly, savouring the warmth. Your thumb brushed her jaw. Natasha moaned as you broke the kiss.

Her eyes looked hungry and you knew it was because you tasted like the words you weren’t ready to say.

‘How much time do you have?’ You asked instead. Natasha hesitated. 

‘About an hour before I have to leave for collection.’ She answered slowly. You nodded, not commenting on her plan to leave you early.

You took her hand and led her back through to the bedroom. Natasha’s gaze was carefully neutral when you gestured for her to sit on the edge of the bed. You hated that she was readying herself for sex when she clearly wasn’t in the mood.

You crawled behind her on the bed. Natasha stiffened automatically as you entered her blind spot.

Slowly, you removed the hair tie from her mussed braid. She’d slept with it in. You started to unwind the plaited hair. 

You combed through it lightly, your fingertips grazing the back of her neck.

‘You don’t have to.’ Natasha told you suddenly in a choked whisper. You couldn’t see her face but you could hear the tears in her voice. You answered wordlessly, pulling aside her collar and kissing her just below her ear.

Your braid was simple, a basic copy of the one that she’d been wearing the night before. Natasha’s fingers kept brushing the end of it. When your hands were finally free, you reached to hug Natasha from behind. She leaned back into your touch. Her still wet cheek brushed yours.

You walked her to the door.

Natasha hugged you tightly before she had to leave. Her arms felt safe, her hold was strong. You were sure that she didn’t want to let go. Your head rested on her shoulder. 

You kissed her cheek when you pulled apart. Natasha squeezed your hand.

When the mission was over. Natasha didn’t call. She knocked on your front door.

.

Even irregular patterns are still patterns. 

You never saw Natasha as much as you wanted to. 

There were two more dates. She took you dancing, she invited you to a movie. 

Natasha created warmth around you. You floated through the evenings like there was a glittery haze filtering every moment.

Then, one night, you got a call.

It was 2am and Natasha was drunk. You’d never seen her drunk before, not even close. Her tone was flat but her words were stumbling. 

She told you that she missed you. Then, she told you to ignore her.

You asked her where she was, fear making your insides cold.

‘Our bar.’ She mumbled and your heart leapt and fell before its next beat. You grabbed your keys. 

.

As you got closer to the bar you could see Natasha already standing outside, leaning against the wall. Someone brushed past her as they walked. They didn’t look twice, her small stature more unassuming than usual. Her empty stare was aimed at the ground.

You took a step forward, interrupting her unfocused gaze. 

Natasha looked up and you watched the streetlights spark into her eyes.

She staggered slightly as she took you in. Surprise and something more filled her expression. She cleared her throat and then she swallowed. 

You took her hand, letting your fingers interlace as your palms pressed together.

‘Come on.’ You prompted her carefully. 

Natasha didn’t move. Her eyes closed and she shook her head once. She squeezed your hand with sudden tightness.

‘Had a bad day at work.’ Her tone was tired, words still slurring slightly. Her skin burned like ice against your hand. She leaned back again, letting her head rest against the wall. 

She breathed familiar plumes of smoke in the cold night air. You moved closer to her.

You squeezed her hand gently. You bumped your shoulder lightly against her own. Natasha’s eyes opened.

‘At least, maybe you can have a good night with me?’ You suggested, raising your eyebrow slightly. 

Natasha’s lip twitched as she fought a smile. She looked away, then glanced back and lost the fight entirely.  She groaned with faux exasperation as she moved away with you from the brick wall. 

Even when you’d returned to your place, you didn’t try to suggest sleep for a few more hours. 

Instead, you lay together on the sofa, a late night movie playing in the background. Natasha laid over you. There was something clingy in the way she propped herself on her elbows and kissed you deeply just to pass the time. You liked it. Your heart settled as you watched her steadiness return. 

Giving her good things wasn’t the way to remove the bad things. But, you knew Natasha found comfort with you. You found it with her too.

.

It was that night that she told you. 

You’d coaxed her to bed by the early morning. You were lying facing each other. Your eyes had drifted shut but your mind was still running.

Her awful confession hung in the air. 

You tensed automatically. Natasha took a sharp breath as she realised that you were still half awake.

You were sure that Natasha didn’t mean for you to hear her. You wondered if she’d ever told another person before. 

You moved to lie on your back, to stare into the darkness obscuring the room around you. You didn’t know what to say. You could feel the tension in the air, her anticipation in the desperate way she held herself perfectly still.

After a long moment, you stretched out your hand to touch Natasha’s waist. 

She was wearing your old t-shirt and it had ridden up past her ribs. 

Your fingertips made a trail around the prominent scar that lay there. Natasha’s skin felt warm and soft.

How could she have ever killed a child?

‘Tell me.’ You directed her after a moment and Natasha did. Her voice cracked as she started, but then her words came faster and faster. Each detail spilled from her like a desperate body of water finally breaching a dam.

Your hand moved to her shoulder, instinctively trying to anchor her in the sudden onslaught of memories. Natasha’s confession couldn’t stop now that she’d started. Her stories wandered into strange places and then cut corners unexpectedly. You were sure now that she’d never repeated it before.

She told you about the little girl she’d killed. About the little girl’s father, about who he was and what he had done. She told you why she’d been so afraid. The cold words chipped at your insides like rough ice. 

Natasha didn’t call the girl collateral damage, but you understood the decision she’d been forced to make. 

Everything about her begged for forgiveness except her words.

She wouldn’t look at you. You couldn’t read her expression in the dark, only the shadows of something like exhaustion. 

When she finished talking, there was a clear pause where Natasha awaited your verdict.

From a brief moment, you felt the true weight of her past. The pain, the guilt, the nightmares.

The heaviness settled on you and you wondered if it was too much. 

You thought about the little girl who had died, and then you thought about another one.

You finally inhaled a shuddering breath as tears fell messily down your cheeks. 

The heaviness was too much, you wanted to carry all of it for her. 

‘Don’t.’ Natasha murmured worriedly. She leaned forward, her thumbs brushed your cheeks. You closed your eyes. You loved her suddenly and completely. It hit you like a blow to the chest. 

You leaned forward on instinct, curling into her warm body as you settled the new weight of her pain and your love. 

It felt safe, Natasha was perfectly familiar to you now. 

You could tell that your reaction had confused her. You felt it in the way her arms tentatively rubbed up and down your back. 

Sometimes, Natasha’s comfort seemed like a mirror of your own. You wondered if it was because your comfort was the only type she’d ever received.

Natasha hummed quietly into the room, until you finally spoke. 

‘You’re still beautiful.’ You told her softly, because it wasn’t the right time to say the other words.

You felt Natasha's stomach tense underneath you as she pulled herself into a seated position. You moved to sit next to her.

‘I am ugly.’ She disagreed simply. ‘I have murdered children.’

‘You have done terrible things.’ You agreed, knowing you could never find the right words to cover it all.  ‘But, you had terrible choices.’

For the first time you realised that you couldn’t give her the redemption she sought. It wasn’t yours to give. 

Natasha sighed in response and you felt her body tense again with a growing intent to leave. 

You reached and took her hand in yours. This time, your thumb rubbed along each scarred knuckle purposefully.

Natasha looked at you for a long moment. Then, she sighed again. She squeezed your hand back softly.

You kissed her cheek. 

.

It was a month later when you took her to the graveyard. 

The new gravestone stood alone in a corner, under a cherry blossom tree. There was nothing below it. That was not why you’d done it. 

Natasha brought white tulips with her. Her hands were shaking when she crouched down to place them in front of Antonia’s name. 

Your hand was resting on Natasha’s shoulder when a stumbling apology fell from her lips. She choked on the little girl’s name. 

Her fingers traced the carved letters in the stone. 

‘I’m sorry Antonia.’ Natasha repeated over and over, like a prayer that was meant to be lost to the wind.

She gripped your offered hand when she rose back to her feet. 

Her hair hung loose around her shoulders and the cool breeze blew strands of it across her face. You briefly caught sight of her eyes, rimmed red, before she moved into your offered embrace. 

Natasha felt warm pressed against you.

A minute passed by in the loud quiet of the windy day

‘I love you.’ Natasha told you suddenly, voice hoarse from tears.

You smiled despite the sadness in the air.

‘I know.’ You said quietly. ‘I love you too.’

You took Natasha’s hand then, weaving between the other gravestones as you led her away.

.

There were always moments. When Natasha’s eyes caught on unobtrusive things. But with time, those things began to change. 

Candles on restaurant tables.

Cheap beer in supermarkets.

White tulips on windowsills.

You.

Natasha’s redemption was her own. But, you would hold her hand through anything.

[cjjohansson]

It Only Takes A Moment

Natasha Romanoff x Shy!Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

.

“I feel like shit.” 

Natasha commented out of nowhere from the sofa across the room. 

You startled at her unexpected statement. Your cereal-filled spoon froze halfway to your mouth. You’d never had a one-on-one conversation with Natasha since you joined the Avengers six months ago.

Then, you noticed Clint shuffling bleary eyed towards the fridge. Your shoulders relaxed.

He yawned, rubbing his face as he regarded Natasha assessingly. You were perched at the breakfast bar, unobtrusive as usual.

Natasha was on the opposite side of the large space, feet curled beneath her on the tiny sofa. 

A purpling bruise on her cheek and a split lip were the painful remnants of her last mission. She looked pale too, tired in an almost chronic way, despite the empty coffee mug next to her.

“You look like shit, too.” Clint decided at last with a lazy grin. 

Natasha smirked back, obviously satisfied with his teasing response. You remembered your cereal and took another spoonful. Curiosity always burned inside you when you watched the two of them interact. You’d never had a mission with either of them before. You didn’t understand the lightness of their back and forth.

As you chewed on your breakfast, eyes roaming over Natasha’s injured face, you felt concern build inside you.

Clint gave you a friendly nod as he stacked a pile of snacks in his arms and left the room.

A steady silence returned in his wake. You were unbearably shy around Natasha as a rule. Something about her calm confidence and unreadable expression made you feel nervous. 

You knew the other Avengers just thought you were quiet.

Natasha was staring absentmindedly out the large window, her coffee long since finished. You followed her gaze outside, glancing up at the pale yellow sun that was still new in the sky.

You watched Natasha’s mouth twist into a subtle grimace of pain as she lifted her hands to try and tie her hair back in a ponytail.

You felt certain as you watched her that her injuries were more than just a bruised cheek. The worry bubbled inside you.

Eventually, Natasha gave up, letting her hair fall back down around her shoulders in a loose curtain. She looked entirely unlike herself. Until today you’d never seen her hair out of a braid.

You slipped off your bar stool and cringed at the way it squeaked on the tiled floor. You hesitated as you put your dishes in the dishwasher. Every day usually followed the same pattern. You knew Natasha was paying no attention to you, expecting you to leave the kitchen and go back to your room. 

When you turned instead to the coffee machine, you felt Natasha’s eyes flicker back to you. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up.

.

When you walked over to her, fresh cup of coffee in hand, it was the first time you’d ever surprised Natasha. 

You handed her the mug with a wordless smile.

Natasha’s answering smile was soft but her eyes held a subtle confusion. 

‘Thank you.’ She breathed, blowing automatically on the hot liquid. 

Nerves fluttered inside you. You forced yourself to speak.

‘Are you really okay?’ You asked, as your worry escaped you.

For a brief moment, shock rendered Natasha silent. Her head tilted to the side as she stared at you.

You didn’t know where your bravery was coming from. A burning embarrassment began to build inside you.

Natasha’s expression softened suddenly. She hesitated and then started to speak. 

‘I’m okay. Just had one of those missions.’

You nodded in response, your eyes lingering automatically on the painful looking bruise. From the things you’d overheard about the mission, you knew she was underplaying it. You bit your lip. Natasha watched you silently. 

‘Can I help with your hair?’ You asked at last, in another worried burst that you couldn’t seem to control.

A slight flush caught Natasha’s cheeks. Something like shame flickered in her eyes, gone a moment later.

Your breath caught. She was more human than you’d realised. More beautiful too. 

‘Thank you.’ Natasha replied quietly. ‘I think I’ve hurt my shoulder.’

You nodded again, moving to stand behind the tiny sofa. You lifted her hair tie from the side table and slid it over your wrist. 

You felt Natasha’s body freeze at your first hesitant touch. 

You knew she was expecting you to tie her hair back in a quick ponytail. Instead, hardly daring to breathe, you tried something different. 

Natasha’s breath hitched when she realised what you were attempting. 

You started carefully, twisting pieces of hair together.

‘You don’t have to braid it.’ Natasha whispered after a moment, her quiet voice burning with a sudden rawness. You found yourself wishing that you could see her face. 

‘You like it braided.’ You answered simply. 

Natasha held herself impossibly still as you tried your best to replicate her usual braid. You noticed the light goosebumps raised on her skin.

Eventually, you tied the last piece, your fingers lightly brushing against her neck. 

You moved back around the sofa to face her. 

You weren’t sure if it was the flushed cheeks or your imperfect braid that made Natasha look so young. Her gaze searched yours, her eyes vulnerable.

‘It’s not very good.’ You apologised quietly. 

Natasha shook her head.

‘It’s good.’ She countered simply. There was a raw, raised scar on the back of her hand. You wondered how you’d never noticed before.

Natasha nodded to the space next to her on the sofa. She smiled suddenly, a flash of her usual cool confidence.

‘Do you want to watch some TV?’

You nodded, feeling a warm rush at the familiarity of her tone. A barrier had fallen between you. 

As you settled on the sofa, Natasha switched on the television. The daytime show was familiar, often left playing in the background of the room. 

Natasha touched the end of her braid as she watched. Her gaze stayed on the show, a picture of relaxed attention. 

You couldn’t say the same for yourself. Her light joke to Clint played in your head. The bruises, the scars, the pained movements. 

 After a few minutes, another question fell from your lips. 

‘Was it scary?’ You asked suddenly.

You watched Natasha freeze momentarily, a difficult emotion filling her eyes. You watched her blink the feeling away. She didn’t reply. 

You turned your gaze back to the television, stomach twisting for what she didn’t share. 

Eventually, you settled back against the sofa cushions, finally beginning to relax in her presence. Natasha sipped the last of her coffee.

Your usual shared silence returned.

You hoped you hadn’t ruined everything with one question.

The show ended and a commercial break began.

‘It was.’ Natasha murmured unexpectedly. Your head turned towards her.

‘It was scary.’ She whispered into the air.

This was not Natasha. Not the person everyone else saw. This was someone else. You saw her entirely for the first time.

Unspoken sympathy filled your answering gaze. 

You took her scarred hand in yours and rested it on your lap.

[cjjohansson]

NATASHA ROMANOFF - IRON MAN 2 (2010)