#Im genuinely interested but also i wanna be sure that you know what you're talking about

[ukegenius]

this turned into a yap sesh im sorry also disclaimer i dont have npd ( i have narcissistic traits but i dont think i have the disorder 😭 ) this is all ramblings of someone who does research into cluster b disorders for fun and to educate myself ( i hateee demonization of these disorders as someonewith a cluster b disorder ) BUT to the npders in the crowd pleaseee let me know if i got anything wrong i wanna educate myself

i will elaborate on this just a tad not only because somebody asked but i wanna let the people know i dont headcanon Ford as having NPD as a way to demonize him but genuinely because i personally think he shows traits of NPD

its hard for me to.collect my thoughts so if this becomes a yapping sesh mb but i know what im trying to say so please work with me

but i personally headcanon him as having NPD because if you look into the deeper and more psychological/inward symptoms of npd ( the insecurity , paranoia the fear of being vunerable , feelings misunderstood, need to be the best , sensitvity to criticism ) i think Ford shows those in his character

Ford wants to be seen as important because of the fact he is insecure and i am assuming aswell because of his upbringing and his father ( Filbrick ill get you ) and if i remember correctly in a interview alex did say that Ford does believe there are "special" people and only they can understand his uniqueness which im pretty sure is a symptom/result of npd ( or narcissism in general ) he views himself as special and constantly thinks about how he can succeed ( i think him being bitter over west coast tech and wanting to do his grand theory of weirdness or whatever the fuck shows rhat ) but he ALSO does show signs of him being pretty insecure and craving attention or admiration from other people ( or maybe dream demons ) to cover up his feelings of insecurity and feeling like a "freak" all his life

im literally unsure if ANY of what i said will make sense to the average human who doesnt have a melted brain but all in all or a tldr of sorts

i headcanon Ford to have NPD not because hes "oh mean asshole whos manipulative and a terrible human" i headcanon him as having NPD because of the fact he is insecure and combats those insecurities by believing he is better than others and him having those beliefs and traits have ( to my understanding of his character so far i wanna pick him apart more ) persisted through most if not all of his life and ALSO because of those insecurities and those traits he seeks admiration and attention from others to prove that he is worth something

and i also headcanon him as having bpd as kinda projection ( i have bpd hello ) and autism is also projection ( also autistic hello x2 ) most of my headcanons for Ford come with a little bit of projection because i see myself in his character ( 17 year old becomes emotionally attached to 60+ year old fictional character and pays the price ) so if i headcanon any character as something it is always with love and care and heavy research into it ( psychology special interest )

i will be adding to this maybe down the line because my mind is so jumbled all the time but i headcanon him as having NPD because of the deeper feelings of insecurity and low self esteem that is accompanied with NPD i believe he does all of the things he does so other people wont percieve him as a failure because he himself thinks he is a failure ( i believe he thinks this because of the fact that he kept pushing to find all the research he could on the weirdness of gravity falls not only because he didnt want people to take *his* accomplishment but also because he didnt want to be perceived as the person who failed and gave up on finding everything )

the pines family are all autistic but stan and ford have something else special called "cluster b personality disorders"

[pinkaditty]

He Knows

(Subaru Kagami x MC X Haku Kusanagi; Tokyo Debunker)

omg guess who's back!!!!! im posting porn as per usual. 2day's porn is about tokyo debunkers!! recently started playing that game and WOW haku kusanagi has stolen my heart holy shit man. i picked him and then proceeded 2 watch him jump off a burning ledge it was really something!!! anyways the more of him i saw the more of him i just ended up liking. like when i found out he's left handed i jus melted on impact bro wtf's wrong with me. anyways here have the result of my 72 hour long haku kusanagi brainrot: porn.

summary: haku's been avoiding you. it's because you're with subaru all the damn time. it's only at a party where you're in close proximity that things get... interesting.

a/n: note that the tokyo debunkers characters have no confirmed ages. i am running on the assumption that, since they refer to themselves as adults in the game, drink, smoke, and gamble that they are at least in the college student age range. also, i have never heard of a high school with a chancellor. typically it's universities that have those. i am running on the assumption that all characters are at least 18 years of age. if canon ages come out and turn out to be lower, i will delete this! thank you <3

cw: MINORS DNI, suggestive, no real smut happening but u get kinda close, mostly buildup tbh, self-indulgent (pls like this i spent hours writing it), gn!mc bc mc isn't described physically at all, strongly implied sexual relations, semi-public?, slight cucking if u wanna call it that?, subaru x reader x haku yea

MINORS DNI!!!!! PLEASE RESPECT MY BOUNDARY. THANK YOU.

Casino parties in Sinostra were a lot different from Frostheim parties. 

Where Frostheim parties were the peak of elegance; blue and white and silver, the mood just as frosty as the scenery, the dress code limited to the finest silks and satins, the food limited to the neatest hors d'oeuvres, and the conversation limited to humble whispers; Sinostra parties were the peak of gaucheness; all colors gaudy and neon, the mood joyful and jubilant and raunchy, the dress code ranging from evening dresses to last week’s uniform, the food being whatever was served at the nearest table, and the conversation loud and constantly overlapping. If you asked Haku, he didn’t have a preference. Parties were parties. It didn’t matter what kind.

He was here to have a good time. That was somewhat dampened when he realized he’d have no choice but to hang around you. He’d been avoiding you for a reason, after all.

It had been recently when he realized why his heart thrummed like a drum when you were nearby, the beat loud and monotonous in his ears. It was an unfamiliar feeling, one he’d scarcely felt, and when he realized what it was, he almost didn’t believe it was genuine. Sure, you were attractive, but all his flirting was, at best, to get your attention and to mess with someone cute. Who doesn’t like attention from an attractive person? He blew it off for the longest time, chalking it up to nerves at how you would respond to his brazen flirting, or perhaps surprise when you would talk to him with a sincere glint in your eye. It was crazy, falling for someone who might be doomed to die, but it was like he couldn’t help himself. Something about how you kept going, even despite that, accepting your potential fate but seeking a way to rewrite it all the same—it impressed him. You had the resilience of a ghoul, a will strong enough to devour a curse. So be it. He promised to himself from the moment he saw Taiga attempt to throw you out of the train window that he wouldn’t let you succumb to such horrors just yet. He had thought that, with the mesmer matches, his promise would be fulfilled. But when your eyes shined with recognition upon meeting his gaze again on that train, he knew he’d bitten off far more than he could chew. So be it. His fate was sealed, as it always had been. 

And, of course, like any romance story, you’d gotten quite close with another guy, Subaru. The odd pangs in his heart rang quite clear through his head when he saw the two of you walking together on campus yet again, or sitting together at mealtimes yet again, or when you’d come by Hotarubi to visit him yet again. He felt childish, feeling an odd jealousy bubbling up in him that he immediately tried to tamp down. He didn’t like feeling that way, not at all. He figured he’d have to rid himself of this somehow, so he distanced himself. Yet, the pull towards you was still strong and hard to ignore.

And then he started falling for you, harder, even after he’d implemented distance, completely unplanned. So, yeah, being here with you after weeks of attempting to avoid your presence after such a revelation was something of a downer. And, super awkward. But whatever, he could take it. He didn’t want to walk aimlessly around this party and see something he shouldn’t, so he was stuck with his dormmates, particularly Subaru, who was stuck—albeit, happily—with you. 

The party was going alright so far. The alcohol had given him a light buzz, enough to at least alleviate his nerves, and relax just slightly. He sank into the couch he sat on, adjacent to the bar. Next to him was Subaru, next to Subaru was Zenji, and next to Zenji was you. At least there was some distance, but his eyes met yours in fleeting glances quite often. It was minimally frustrating, but the buzz helped him ignore it. You were engaged in friendly, flamboyant conversation with Zenji, Subaru seemed a little shifty, though that could be chalked up to being in a loud environment, and Haku was leaning back, swirling his drink in his hands. The endless noise of loud voices and gambling wins and losses echoed in his ears as he did all he could to refrain from indulging much more. But your presence wasn’t exactly helping. 

He turned back to you, to give you another fleeting glance, but his eyes landed on Subaru instead. He seemed a little out of it, his skin shining in the low light with a thin layer of sweat, his breathing heavy and laboured, his face flushed a bright pink. Haku stared at him curiously, concern creasing his eyebrows and quirking his lips downwards. He reached a hand out to gently pat Subaru on the shoulder, who flinched suddenly. Haku looked at him quizzically, his eyebrows furrowing further. “You good?” He examined Subaru’s condition further, noticing his bangs beginning to stick to his forehead from the sweat. “Do we need to leave?”

Haku’s mumbled queries gained the attention of Zenji, who glanced over his shoulder. Upon seeing Subaru’s state, he frets, turning towards him and grabbing his chin, tilting his head back and forth. Haku wished he wouldn’t do that, and hoped onlookers assumed Subaru was just shaking his head. Not that anyone would be looking in this direction, anyway. He notices you curiously peering over Zenji’s shoulder. You showed no signs of concern, rather interest.

“Oh my! Are you alright? You’re quite flushed!” Zenji’s voice was pitched with worry, as he further examined Subaru’s face. “Did you perhaps—ah, but you’re not holding anything…” Zenji tapped his fingers to his lips, his eyebrows furrowing with concern. Subaru shook his head at both Zenji and Haku, and waved his hand.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” Haku heard a slight tremor in Subaru’s voice.

“Are you sure?” Zenji pressed, leaning towards Subaru, his eyes searching his face for any signs of further ailment.

“I’m fine! Please, enjoy yourselves.” To his credit, Subaru hid the tremor this time, but Haku could still sense something was wrong. However, he decided to let it go, assuming that they wouldn’t be here much longer. 

He took note of your lack of concern. He found it odd, but didn’t think on it much. You were close with Subaru, but maybe not as close as he thought. He hated how the thought of the two of you not being as close planted a seed of hope in his heart. Still, wasn’t concern a normal reaction to a friend being ill?

Haku let it go. They’d be out of here soon, anyway. 

Time seems to crawl by and speed up at the same time, the chaotic haze of the party warping his perception of time. Before he knows it, he’s on his second drink, even after internally swearing he wouldn’t overindulge. And before he knows it, he’s lost count of how many times he’s glanced your way, each time holding your gaze longer than the last. His pining was ridiculous. He felt like a teenager. And the drink in his hand was only a reminder of his low self-control, further shaming him. He sighs and places it down on the table in front of the couch, promptly leaning back in his seat. Once he falsely settles in, his finds his eyes drifting to you again. He quickly snaps his gaze away, but not before he spots Subaru’s quivering figure out of the corner of his eye. He turns to him again, concern once again etching itself into his expression. 

Subaru was trembling now, slouching just slightly, which was unlike him. His chest heaved with the effort to breathe normally, and he was sweating more now, more of his bangs stuck to his forehead. Instead of the modest blush pink his face had been before, he was now a bright red, color spreading from his cheeks to his ears and even to his neck. Alright, this was too much. Even Haku knew Subaru was pushing himself too far. He sat upright and gently placed a hand on Subaru’s back, to which he flinched again. Haku’s concern quickly turned to worry, and his hand moved to Subaru’s shoulder instead, leaning closer to him. He could feel the heat radiating off of him. “Hey, Subaru.” Subaru turned to him, still heaving and blinking at him blearily. “...We should go.” Subaru promptly shook his head, despite his body still trembling. The movement alerted Zenji yet again, who turned to Subaru, noticing his trembling form.

“My goodness, look at you!” Zenji grabbed Subaru’s face, squishing his cheeks. “Are you well? Do we need to take you to Montkranken?” Haku sighed as Subaru shook his head again, stubborn as a mule on this.

“N-No, I swear I’m fine, truly.” His voice shook audibly. Haku had half a mind to take him to Montkranken by force, but knew that no good would come of making Subaru any more uncomfortable. 

Zenji hesitantly let go of Subaru’s face, staring at him dubiously. He carefully inspected him, checking his complexion and forehead. As Zenji flitted back and forth around Subaru, Haku found his gaze once again slipping towards you. This time he didn’t stop it, deciding to let it go so he could hold your gaze at least once more before he shifted his full focus to Subaru. However, he notices you aren’t looking at Subaru, or Zenji, or him. You’re staring off to the left, as though watching the people of the party. He’s confused. Why are you so nonchalant about this? Even before, no concern was on your face, mere interest. And now, it’s like you couldn’t care less. It didn’t seem quite like you not to care about one of your friends. It was quite confusing and frustrating, watching you act so nonchalantly, hardly noticing Subaru’s ailment. But, whatever. Maybe you were just distracted. As he turns his gaze back to Subaru, about to gently encourage him to stand so they could leave, he notices your hand moving out of the corner of his eye. Your hand disappears into your pocket and shifts a bit more. Simultaneously, Subaru lurches forward, grunting. His whole body was trembling now, and his fingers dug into his arms as he desperately tried to keep it together. Zenji immediately leans over, placing a hand on Subaru’s back. Haku feels a rush of panic and leans towards him. “Subaru! What’s—”

Haku stops in his tracks. On the side of Subaru’s neck, facing Haku, there were small red and purple bruises. For a moment, Haku’s confused. What are those markings on the side of his neck? And what’s got him so—

Out of nowhere, something clicks. 

As Zenji continues fussing over Subaru, Haku slowly lifts his gaze to you. He finds your gaze boring straight into him. A shock runs down his spine. 

No. No way.

Haku watches as you smirk at him and you pull something out of your pocket, purposely angling the object so only he could see it. It is something very closely resembling a remote. His eyes flick between the remote and your face, your eyes still holding him captive. He tears his gaze away from you and the remote, and turns to Subaru’s trembling form, Zenji fussing over him. He turns back to you, observing the wicked smile on your face. This can’t be real, right?

He watches as your smirk widens, and you press a button on the remote, slipping it back into your pocket. 

Subaru groans, crumpling further forward, immediately pressing a hand to his mouth to muffle his voice. Haku studies him carefully, watching his expression. Subaru’s eyes roll back just once and the corner of his lips turn upwards in a smile, peeking behind his palm pressed tight against his mouth. 

Oh. Oh god.

Something akin to heat pools in Haku’s lower abdomen. He finds himself gripping the cushion of the sofa he’s sitting on so hard his knuckles turn white. Haku swallows thickly, and jerks his gaze back up to you, finding your gaze boring straight into him once again. Subaru’s muffled grunts grow louder, and now that he knows it’s out of pleasure and not pain, Haku feels the urge to squirm. He feels warm all of a sudden, his own body beginning to tremble with nerves and heat. His lips part as he breathes heavily, his gaze flickering from you, to your pocket, to Subaru, and back to you. Maybe it was a bad idea to have so much alcohol. Your gaze, the knowledge of what was really going on, and Subaru’s grunts—which were quickly evolving into moans, further confusing Zenji—all made quite a potent concoction, and with the alcohol running through his system, it really only served to shame him further yet again. 

Shame is all he can think about… Even as a tent forms in his pants.

a/n: YIPPEE!!!!!!! i finished at long last

also here have this fuckass meme i made thinkging abt all the fics im writing atm:

i guess i have a niche. my roommate literally asked me as i was telling her abt this fic "is it gonna be cuckold" and i was like "WHATEKSLSJK?!?!?!??!" and then i realized. i write a lot of these fics and call them all self-indulgent. is something wrong with me?

anyways wrapping this up!!!!!!! note that i appreciate likes, reblogs, and comments!!! please, tell me all about how much you enjoyed my work, if you did!!!! i really like when people tell me they loved it bc it encourages me 2 keep going ahhhh!!! until next time, readers!!!!!

[dr-spectre]

man i saw your last two posts and i wanted to tell you, you're not cringe, and you're not unlovable

i've had like, one full conversation with you going back and forth on both shared and unshared interests and it had a profound effect on me at the time

I need to unlearn shame, i need to be more open with what i fixate on and what i'm doing (and also the realization i'm definitely on some kind of spectrum), from one chat with someone *loud and proud* like you, how fucking crazy is that?

I hardly know you personally, but it's not hard to gauge how awesome you are, in face of your perceived faults, several of which i share myself, you yap so much but you're so genuine and passionate i and pretty much everyone who sticks here loves to read it, it never gets old, it never gets annoying

you put your whole pussy into innocuous little things about the subject matter, and it's a wonderful thing

you can find friends, you can find love, and you deserve both of those things

this is a little long but it's sentiments i've had for awhile now but no good opportunity to share......

I.... I..... WHA.

WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THIS?!?!?! YOU CAN'T DROP THIS IN MY INBOX LIKE THAT!!!

LISTEN... ITS JUST.... I aint awesome!!! Im some 20 year old autistic dude who's too obsessed with a squid woman! How's that awesome!!?!?!? I haven't made an impact on anything... not on the community... not on inkipedia... not on anyone... I have 300 followers... that's nothing...

...or have i?!?! There's no way I could have had an impact on someone... hell even SEVERAL PEOPLE! I just overanalyse stuff that seems so cut and dry but... people are actually positive about my stuff? People say to me that I changed the way they see this important character to me.... BUT THERE'S NO WAY RIGHT?!?!? I still feel like a drop in the ocean. Just a spec of dust!!! I haven't made real change yet... OR HAVE I?! I DON'T KNOW!!! WAAAHHHH!!!

Maybe.... maybe if I have changed one person's perspective, then maybe it was worth it in the first place...

You know. I wanna say that the reason I came to tumblr was because my irl friends aren't into Splatoon and my family gives me a meh shoulder shrug to my interest. It was so difficult for me to explain Splatoon to my parents when Splatoon 3 came out and I picked up the game at launch! So I went here because I felt like it was the best place to express myself. And yeah I'm glad I stuck with it honestly.

I get why my irl friends aren't into Splatoon, they need to buy a multi hundred dollar console that's about to get replaced soon just to play 2 games. And trying to explain to them Nintendo Wii U and Switch emulation is just... I dont even wanna attempt that HAHAHAHA!!!! So I often felt lonely and it felt like I was screaming into a void when talking about Splatoon to them in a discord server. I guess that's where my sense of loneliness comes from.....

I genuinely have NO ONE in real life to talk to about my interests and have someone ACTUALLY listen. I guess that's why I feel cringe and not cool at all. My interests are so nerdy and I'm on the spectrum, my social skills are like D tier. I genuinely cannot talk about myself, i really cant. Its why i have never been in a romantic relationship before.... As a 20 year old dude, that shit fucking stings I'm not even gonna lie. I think about that shit every day. LITERALLY EVERY DAY I'M NOT LYING!!!!

But anyways, I'm getting way too personal on the internet. I don't wanna be some sad sap.

Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I'm not sure if I truly feel like I deserve love but. Thank you anyways. I guess it is a good quality to have that I can ramble and yap and become really focused on something, even if it's not adult things like... getting a job, paying taxes or whatever HAHAHAHA!

[rose022]

hi~ im rose! (among other names lol, ask for them or find them) welcome to my intro!

- dont feel bad about blocking or unfollowing me, just wanna say this. i may make posts abt being confused when i see people leave but curate ur own experience idc be happy

- you can call me whatever you want idc, just lemme know. like genuinely any nickname. i do have others tbh but ehh

- yeah yeah im an adult so dont block me if i like ur post and u say mdni ight? also for any minors if that makes u uncomfortable u can leave. i dont tend to post anything nsfw here, just sometimes suggestive stuff and both nsfw and suggestive are tagged just like that

- pronouns are whatever is funniest in the moment. or just use your own. neos are ok

- asks and dms always open for anything. i won't really reach out first but i promise you can always talk to me about anything. if you don't have anyone else or just want to talk about a particular thing or want to vent, etc. like genuinely pretty please talk to me about your interests i will gladly listen!!! <3

- also you can always tag me in anything!! i love tag games (i may take a bit) and if theres anything you think id like or reminds you of me id love to see it!!

- don't really have a dni but like i will block you if you're a bigot. im a fag and autistic if you don't like that go away idc. also if you are pro cop or military stuff fuck off

- if we're mutuals please tag stuff with cw rose for anything with touya or akito being shipped with anyone else or TBHK nene and tsukasa as a ship, self harm images, stuff about spiders (or any bugs kinda) mostly pictures of them or them on someone (bees moths and butterflies exempt), needles if theyre detailed not cartoony, real life gore of animals or humans (not sfx or art just real stuff), sa, stiff about veins, and please use tone tags but mostly just for joking or sarcasm as i tend to assume everything is serious.

- MUTUALS PLEASE TELL ME STUFF TO TAG FOR YOU!!! i do my best to read carrds and intros and stuff but i might forget please remind me please. gore and sexual stuff will get tagged as gore and nsfw but it's mostly explicit stuff. things are tagged as what it is, not with cw or tw.

- !!current things i tag are homestuck, eye strain, saiouma, bsd, religion (marlo dont look), elie shoo (csm saiouma gore), suggestive (anything relating to anything nsfw like jokes or anything else), adrien no look (alcohol, crickets, girl interrupted, hospital innuendos clowns, child death, natural disasters)

- tags

#rose rambles - my posts

#rose tagged ramblings - i made a separate one for when i talk a lot in tags

#rose art - quite simply rose's art

#rose ocs - the sillies from my brain

#ask rose! - asks

#rose pics - look i don't get creative with naming these i think you can tell

#rose cosplay - ^^^ yeah

#helpful - things that could be helpful to anyone

#save - similar to above but more so personal things

#important - maybe not technically helpful but i think people should see

#favs - self explanatory, i believe

#sillies - similar to above but not really

#luv - mutual appreciation mostly

#heart! - things made by mutuals!

#liebe - things made for me!

#mecore - woah thats so me frfr

#rose writing - idk man take a guess

#für das rose - submissions aka post limit

favfavs - fav art or fandom things

(i wanna like fix all my posts to have tags but i reblog so much and itll take me a million years to get back to the start of my account atp. maybe one day.)

- commission info

art:

writing: $2 per 100 words (?)

i also take requests for these!! or other stuff but like it will almost definitely take me a bajillion years to finish so if you wanna make sure i do something, gimme money. but u dont gotta its ok ily anyways

i have a k-fi rose226 and dm for p-ypal

- sideblogs

@nightcord-luka-official

@luka-spotted most active

@daily-akiyama-mizuki hiatus!

@daily-asahina-mafuyu hiatus!

@kokomi-sangonomiya-official

@mafuyu-asahina-official

@wansho-luka-official

@junior-high-enanan-official

@fischl-official

@rosemusictime lol no followers

@oz-the-bird-official (to translate my Fischl)

@ako-udagawa-official this and above in progress

@daily-purple-character send reqs

@rose-poll-account

@aoi-shirosaki-official pjsk oc rp blog

@hikari-itsuki-official ^

@yuki-jigoku-official ^

@kei-makura-official ^

@roseswonderland things i make

@yuki-spotted

@niigo-va-updates

(i may remove u as a follower depending on if i trust you enough for these next few but if we're mutuals ur pretty much safe)

@moonlit-thoughts22 vent

@selfless-lvr selfship/kin

@softrosebud agere

@shhh-its-rose moots only ig.

@eros-engel who needs secrecy anymore. fuck it. nsfw blog.

(guys i think I have too many sideblogs help)

im not active on many other social media but if we're mutuals you can ask for like anything and ill probably have an account. somehow im most active here tho (and in one discord server but u guys cant join)

[valentine-writes]

hiii would love to see anything about miguel or spot!! if it’s not too much trouble!

in a good way.

「 tws + notes: no tws, unedited, might be ooc, almost all fluff, ok maybe a little angst but nothing crazy, pining becuz im a sucker for the chase, they are Yearning 」

「 gn!reader, can be platonic or romantic <3 」

↳ ft. miguel o'hara/spider-man 2099 and the spot/johnathan ohnn

author's note: I LOVE U ANON!! IT IZ NO TROUBLE AT ALL!! i hope these suffice,, plz 4give me if miguel's part is lackin just a bit!! im workin on writing him more accurately (*ﾉε｀*) <3 and y'all ATE UPPP the hcs for the spot last time so,, i hope y'all end up liking these too!! (also psstt,, usually i take into acc reader's personality here but since nothing specifically was requested, i'll try to keep it vague! sorry if certain parts aren't what you'd like!!)

MIGUEL O' HARA headcanons:

"i didn't know i was capable of being happy right now / but you showed me how"

▸ he's already lost,, a lot. this man is someone who had lost everything he had ever loved in pursuit of keeping it with him

so when he finds himself growing attached to you?? he feels like it's something he simply can't afford

he's doing everything to make sure he doesn't end up too attached, that you never get any closer to him

however– overtime, he finds that you are unavoidable. whether you're doing it on purpose or subconsciously, you always manage to pull him back to you.

just when he thought he had finally left you behind for good, you lure right him back in.

▸ i've seen a lotta hcs saying he's like,, smooth w/ it and stuff– BUT... part of me thinks that he doesn't have a clue about what to do with his feelings towards you

and he is far too prideful to ask for any sort of help or advice from anyone.

...so does it take an immense amount of time for him to even consider that it's okay to wanna be close to you? yes.

but he's weak for you. he knows it. part of him really, really doesn't want to be. but he is. and though he tries to convince himself it's not evident, it doesn't take a genius to realize it

▸ especially because miguel allows more to slide if it's you. this especially manifests in touching.

while miguel's not all "ew don't touch me" he doesn't really care for brief, friendly touches. this is different when it's you.

he might be speaking to you after a mission. while he talks, you're silently tracing the tips of his fingers with your own, observing his hands like they're the most interesting thing in the world.

"are you even listening to me?" he questions. there's a slight hint of irritation in his voice, his brow furrowing slightly. this expression of his softens almost immediately as you look up at him, eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"...your talons," you comment quietly, "they're retractable. that's cool."

he makes no effort to pull his hand away from yours. maybe he even secretly hopes you'll do it again sometime.

▸ miguel might be haunted by loving and losing from his past. but maybe loving you isn't such a bad thing. maybe it's a pain he's willing to endure. he'll try for you.

for you, it's worth it.

▸ OK GETTING LESS SERIOUS HERE. so i understand in atsv his fangs are retractable. but in the comics, it's noted that he tends to open his mouth very little when talking to conceal them.

i love this first of all.

now, miguel's not necessarily insecure of his fangs or his teeth (which are slightly crooked because of the new growth of his sharpened canines) but i imagine that he finds it easier to just keep them hidden and avoid any questions.

if he has to explain he's not a vampire to someone again he'll genuinely explode

"morning, migs–" you greet casually. another sign of his lenience towards you– he lets you give him nicknames.

"morning." he mutters back, just barely audible to you

you blink at him, trying to process what he said. "huh?"

"i said, good morning." he repeats, still mumbling without much of a volume change.

"damn, okay, okay– what's with all the grumbling? something got you stressed?" you're aware your question is stupid. knowing miguel, who always finds something to stress about– even at 8:30 am

he shakes his head this time, much to your surprise.

"i'm not grumbling." miguel insists.

"sounds to me like you are."

("nuh uh"

"fym nuh uh–")

miguel– when not bossing people around– is out here, mumbling and grumbling in casual conversation

and you're the one who's trying to remind him to speak up.

▸ no matter what relationship you're in– friendship, queerplatonic, romantic, whatever– he's generally a bit more reserved about it.

he sees it like this: if you two are close, why would it be anyone else's business?

however a certain holographic companion and her big mouth (which i wanna kiss oh so sweetly i heart lyla) ends up making a little joke about you two in front of a few other spider-people

lyla's casual abt it– saying sumn like, "don't mind him, he's being grumpy because his favourite isn't around."

name-drops you before miguel can tell her to shut up– and everyone's like "?!?!?!"

and the word SPREADS

▸ but like. is it really too much of a surprise? more than often, he finds himself trying to check up on you to see how you're doing.

"just making sure you're fine." is his weak little excuse just to see your face and hear your voice again.

when something is just mildly wrong though... he's the type to scold while taking care of it.

"i'm fine," you shrug, trying to rub some warmth into your arms, "just a little cold."

"i told you to bring a sweater." he groans, looking around for his.

those seemed to be miguel's favourite words sometimes: "i told you."

"i know..." you mumble sheepishly, staring at your shoes.

before you can say anything else, he drapes his sweater over your shoulders. "next time, i'm letting you freeze."

you look up at him with a little smile, mouthing a quiet "thank you" to him.

(there is no next time. he lets you keep the sweater.)

▸ ok one last headcanon cuz im obsessed w/ the little details abt this man. so. canonically (and i love this) HE DOESNT HAVE SPIDER-SENSES LIKE MOST SPIDER-PEOPLE.

instead, he has elevated super-human hearing and vision. but– (if you're like me) when this information is revealed to you,,, the immediate thought is to mess w/ him as much as possible.

trying to sneak up on him and startle him has become a common game between the two of you– so much so, that he's almost expecting you to be around every corner he passes if he hasn't seen you in a while.

he catches you before you get the chance on occasion. you forget to hold your breath and he hears you. your heart is beating hard, out of the sheer adrenaline rush of hiding and he picks it up. maybe you didn't notice that you're not fully concealed.

each time, he'll sigh exasperatedly and pull you out of your hiding spot.

"you think you're so funny." his grip is still on you, and though most would read his expression as annoyed– you catch the slight glimmer of amusement in his eyes. you're just lucky he finds your antics endearing.

on the chance you do manage to genuinely catch him off guard, he curses loudly, immediately going on defence mode

"shocking hell," he groans, upon seeing it's just you, "i was going to web you to the wall."

miguel probably does accidentally web you at some point. "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" he'd say.

(he might act like you're a complete headache sometimes- but ur his headache <3)

THE SPOT/JOHNATHAN OHNN headcanons:

"you make me wanna cry in a good way"

▸ he finds an excuse to talk to you always. (SINCE WHEN DID "I WANNA HEAR YOUR VOICE" NOT BECOME A GOOD EXCUSE) calling you up, messaging you– if you give him permission, he'll ramble a ton to you. about physics, the multiverse– anything he's passionate about.

it means the world to him if you ask him questions about it, actively engage in the conversation, or even just showing that your listening by welcoming his endless chatter. he even tries to impress you with his knowledge. he wants to be perceived as cool in your eyes so bad. craves admiration,, or at least appreciation. and nothing makes him feel more admired than you listening to him talk.

but he's obviously not tryin' to talk your ear off and bore you to death. he wants to hear your voice too– and takes genuine interest whenever you decide to ramble back with whatever's been in your head recently– maybe it's something you find particularly interesting, a piece of media you really like, something you're passionate about– he'll pay attention and listen to every word.

you get a turn and he gets a turn! ´͈ ᵕ `͈

if you happen to share a common interest– whether it's because you got him into it, he got you into it, or you both just liked it in the first place– the back and forth about said topic will be as endless as you want it to be

▸ the type of guy to bump into you constantly while you walk with him (is this also a habit of mine? we'll never know...) and it is PURELY unintentional. he can't walk in a straight line to save his life

he's walking with you casually, and all of a sudden, his shoulder will crash into yours, nearly knocking you off balance

he fumbles over his words a moment, reaching out his arms to catch you– and he manages to break your fall. he regards this as a very smooth move on his end, in spite of the fact he was the cause of you nearly eating pavement

"sorry! i'm so sorry– are you okay? i mean, yeah, you probably are. i caught you. you're welcome–"

"my hero." you reply, with a playful roll of your eyes, giving him a light smack on his arm (earning a little "ow" and a nervous chuckle from him) as you restabilize yourself.

▸speaking on his little “ow haha” moment… headcanon that even though he’s not really all that sensitive, he reacts like he is. the type of guy to say “ow” at every minor discomfort.

he has a mild headache? actually his brain is melting inside his skull and he needs to whine about it. he has a cold? he’s literally dying. when he’s comfortable with you, he’s comfortable enough to complain– even about trivial things

he's well aware it's not actually the end of the world. he's just silly enough to act like it is. very reactive fella :>

totally the type to exaggerate just to see you react,, he thinkz itz funny–

"oww,," he whines, rubbing his arm where you'd just given him a light punch, "you're so mean to me."

you try to stifle a laugh. "man, c'mon. i didn't even hit you that hard."

"it's gonna bruise :((("

"can you even bruise in uh..." you trail off, staring at the his post-collider incident body, white and spotted with black portals "...your state?"

"ok now that actually hurt."

▸ he's more selfless with you. ohnn often finds himself wanting to do anything in his power to make you happy. anything for you. anything.

may be just a teeny bit insane about the way he carries this out, but it's mostly innocent and sweet gestures

like, if you casually mention wanting something, he'll 100% dimension hop just to bring it back to you.

and while you know that he's probably stolen it,,, you can't find it in yourself to blame him. he's got the purest of intentions. his demeanor changes from nervous and awkward to proud, as he presents you with the thing you were just talking about a few days ago.

“no way, dude!” your eyes light up, taking the bag of candy (or whatever you like if you're not a big fan of sweets) he just presented you with, “i haven’t had these in ages-  i swore this was discontinued, though. where'd you get them?”

“i have my ways.” you can hear the dorky grin in his voice.

he loved watching your face light up in excitement over even the simplest of gifts.

▸ feels like he's holding you back sometimes. he's well aware that his situation means that you two can’t really be in the public eye. it hurts him to think you could be living a completely normal life if he was just never in that stupid collider… or if he let you go, so you could find someone else

he’d never break up with you though. he feels too selfishly about you– if you’re gone from his life, who else could love him the way you do?

sometimes, these thoughts and worries keep him up at night. expect late night conversations, his face buried in your shoulder as he holds you tight, as if he’s scared you’re going to slip away if he lets go.

there are nights where he has a hard time believing you really wanna live like this.

“hey…” you whisper, pulling away slightly so you can look at him. you gently grab onto his jaw, tilting his chin up so he meets your gaze.

his entire frame is trembling, leaning into your touch. he doesn’t speak.

“you know you’re irreplaceable to me, right?”

he melts at the tenderness of your voice, the patience you have with him. he pulls you in just a little tighter. your comfort never fails him.

▸ TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU THIS MAN IS 100% FOR YOUU. on your side. always.

someone was mean to you? they're an asshole and he hates them.

someone was condescending towards you? they're an idiot and they've got no clue who they're talking to.

but if someone dares to bother you beyond just making you mildly irritated and/or upset– if someone makes you cry?

DAWGGG,, ALL HELL IS BREAKING LOOSE. nevermind if you insist you're fine or that you can deal with it yourself. he's asking for full names, addresses, details– he's revenge motivated. anything for you.

▸ ok moving onto normal fluff for the last bit (ﾉ)'ω`(ヾ)

corny. corny. corny.

he's incredibly endearing with his earnesty as he tries to expresses his adoration for you... but also very cheesy and dorky when it comes to showing you affection.

it's sickeningly sweet, the way he stammers over every compliment, trying to explain how much he loves every bit of you.

giving him a genuine compliment back to shut him up has him nearly fainting.

johnathan likes getting verbal reassurance and praise,, but he's much better at showing his affection via physical touch– of course, only if you don't mind. doesn’t wanna make you uncomfortable!!

but if you're comfy, he ends up craving physical affection as well– i talked abt this in these headcanons but IM BRINGING IT UP AGAIN AS PART OF TOUCHSTARVED JOHNATHAN NATION.

one day, you're leaning into his side sitting close to him on your couch. your cheek rests against his shoulder while your fingers are gently tracing his arm up and down, brushing against his skin with a feather-light touch, absentmindedly. he squirms a little beneath your touch, the room being too quiet for his liking.

"so... what are you doing?" he asks, glancing over at you.

"guess." you reply, not looking up.

you're tracing... something. he can't seem to get why though.

"oh uh- okay." he thinks for a moment, a bit puzzled. after a second, he perks up, piecing it together slowly in his head.

"are you tracing a letter?" johnathan asks curiously.

you nod silently.

"okay, okay– uh... L?"

another nod.

"O?"

nodding again, there's a small smile on your face.

"V? ...oh–" he chuckles slightly, now understanding what you were spelling.

he's amused at your strange way of affection. guess he isn't the only one capable of being sappy.

you laugh softly, finally tracing an E on the skin of his forearm, followed by a U and a little heart <3

"you could've just told me, y'know." in spite of his words, he knows that he likes this. you and your silly ways of showing that you care. the ways you tell him that he's cherished.

you huff, giving him a light smack on his arm. "you're no fun." your eyeroll does little to conceal the grin growing on your face.

he flinches from the playful hit. "owww..."

(YOU TWO ARE SILLY 2GETHER!! SILLY NATION!!!!)

[georgieluz]

hi! I hope you’re doing good and I was wondering if you can cast your mutuals as The Pacific men, women characters too? based off of their personalities? hope this isn’t too much to ask! anyways, have a good day!

hello! it's not too much to ask, i can definitely try to do that!

burgie → @im-chinese-believe-it-or-not this was the first one that popped into my head immediately!! you have burgie's soft caring side where you wanna look after all your friends/mutuals and make sure everyone is okay and feels Seen and heard and validated!! and i feel like you have that warmth and stabilising effect that burgie has on the boys too... when you're not around my dash feels slightly off! but you also know when to be firm and shut things down when people interact with you or others in bad faith! you're not a pushover at all and will stand up for the right thing even if it means you have to put on your "shut up bill" voice. i feel like you spread happiness and safe vibes in the same way that burgie does!

eddie → @hellofanidea because i feel like you have a lot of depth and i just feel like we'd have interesting conversations all the time and you're the kind of person whose brain i want to pick about random topics. you seemed like a Cool Online Person when we first became mutuals but it turned out you're actually super approachable and easy to talk to and eddie definitely feels similar in that way!

sledge → @theflyingfin because you're smart and always interesting to talk to! like eugene, you're open with how you feel about things and you just give me sledge vibes sometimes but not naive!sledge vibes but sledge who has seen some things y'know?

snafu → @aegondluvrs bc 99% of our first conversation revolved around svt and enha's teeth (rightly so) and you definitely have snafu's brand of chaos! also: if snafu was a carat in 2023 he too would have a folder dedicated to lee jihoon's teeth, we're not alone!

sid → my good friend @footprintsinthesxnd! i feel like i'm copying the quiz we did but it honestly felt really accurate to me because you're a literal sweetheart and one of the kindest people around but you're also way more than just that.. you're a great friend and always so supportive when anything has happened, and you're funny and witty in the same understated way that sid is. people probably think you're shy and quiet at first but that absolutely changes when you become friends with them. we have the best conversations and i'm genuinely so glad to have you in my life!!

leckie x lena hybrid → @lewis-winters look, i know i talk all the time about how annoying leckie is, so let me first of all say that i'm not including any of the annoying parts of his personality here... but you do have a similar charismatic intelligence thing going on.. y'know, the type of person you know you would always enjoy having a conversation with no matter what the topic is and whose opinion you would always be interested in hearing on just about anything. lena comes in with that aspect too, but you also have her enigmatic vibes, the kind that makes people wanna be friends with you!

runner → @ep6bastogne bc your posts make me laugh a ton and you're chill but also not at the same time? which is how i feel runner is too.. like he jokes around and winds leckie up and is silly af but he also gives off chill drama free vibes idk like i just feel like you're both the type of friend i would want in my life y'know?

chuckler → @lamialamia because our conversations are either about something ridiculous like sledge's ass flash and leckie's sex scenes or they're about the devastation of war and losing ack ack and eddie or something equally as terrible lmao you feel very balanced to me in that way and i think chuckler is like that too.. hilarious and jokes around but also serious when you need to be! kinda the perfect mix you would want in a friend or mutual!

vera → @hxad-ovxr-hxart because you're very funny but also very sweet! and you have vera vibes (warm and kind but witty vibes!!) and i feel like you're very approachable in the same way vera is too!

sorry if this didn't live up to your expectations anon!! this was a lot of fun to think about though!

[simplyreveries]

hi hi omg I just wanna start off by saying I love your writing!!!!! like fr 🥺🥺🥺🥺 anyway hehe I've never done a matchup before and I tend to ramble so... here we go!!

- i love love love reading sm🥺(my fav genre is fantasy) other than that I love watching movies and playing video games~ I love dancing!! my main thing is ballet (and I do it, but not as often these days) and I love singing <3

- uhh my mbti is infp and im a pisces, I've been said to be a very positive and cheerful person since i smile a lot and laugh easily but my moods really do jump around a lot (like I could be angry at someone for like a few minutes then ill get over it). also im a pretty socially anxious person but not to idia's level??? so im more of an ambivert~ also a people-pleaser 🥹

- i like spicy food, anything with noodles, plushies, talking with my friends <3 dislikes include studying, people who look down on others, seafood

- straight shoulder-length hair, dyed reddish-brown, dark brown eyes, southeast asian ethnicity :> height is around 158 cm, im said to be pretty slender ig???

- pronouns are she/her <3

tysm for this aaaaa again pls I love your writing you always brighten my day🥹

i match you with silver!!!

silver is the happiest and most content when he is by your side. even if you're simply reading as he rests beside you or even on your lap. you'll see a faint smile on his lips whenever you make comments and reactions as your reading. if you're willing too, he would melt if you could read to him. your voice?? it is so pleasing to him, hes done for if you did that. i would imagine silver is a reader himself, so he would make sure to read ones you're currently reading or have read and loved. that way he can bring it up and see your face light up when talking about it.

he thinks video games are a bit confusing to him still. most of what he knows is what he's seen lilia do or talk about to him. nevertheless, just like with anything else he'd try to get into your interests as well. even if it took im like 5 minutes to figure out how to jump,,,

finds so much beauty in your dancing. silver is completely awestruck whenever he seems to catch a glimpse of you even absentmindedly doing moves. silver thinks he is someone who could never do something as gracefully as that. he can't help but feel like he's falling even more for you when he sees it.

in contrast to his stoic and relatively quiet self- you're like the sun to his moon. though he can be taken a back at how positive you can find yourself in situations- he loves it. you genuinely make him smile gently all the time. in your moodier moments, he does try his best to give advice and be on the calmer side for you. and even if you are a bit nervous and anxious around others at first, he's perfectly fine being a voice for you if needed.

[blimbo-buddy]

HI HI i think you have requests open or maybe not. im not sure but this isnt about that i dunno if this is a weird question but did you wanna talk about why you love tigerheartstar?? im genuinely curious cuz i dont hear ppl talking about it at all and i personally have barely rid a few books with him in them and i figure talking about ur favorite cat might be fun if you feel like it !! cheers

Not a weird question at all! I really like TigerHeartStar because, well, I just think he's super neat and interesting. The entire thing with him being named after his grandfather on his mother's side adds on a lot of layers to his character I think, especially now that he shares a name with TigerStar letter-for-letter. I like his beef with IvyPool because as much as the narrative wants you to think that it's IvyPool who's in the right, I'm still easily able to look right through that and see that TigerHeart's disliking towards her is justified. He literally witnessed IvyPool almost destroy FlameTail's spirit forever, I think he's going to hold a grudge towards her

His stuff in AVoS is pretty neat too, even if I barely remember anything about the arc. TigerHeart's Shadow isn't as bad as people say it is, it definitely has it's infuriating moments, but, what warrior cats book doesn't have that? Also to clear things up, no, TigerHeart never "colonized" The Guardians, you guys just love to toss that word around like candy. I love the idea of him having a strained relationship with his parents, RowanStar for being, well, RowanStar, and TawnyPelt for naming him after TigerStar to try and separate the Tiger prefix from TigerStar 1, only to then keep going "Wow you're being just like TigerStar". Like, yeah I don't think RowanStar or TawnyPelt are the best parents

And this isn't even to begin talking about his relationship with DoveWing. I know that forbidden love is a trope that Warriors fans are tired of seeing, but, I genuinely think that this forbidden love is an exception, it's great. They actually start off not immediately being in love with each other, they both become friends at first but slowly they begin to grow feelings for one another. It feels genuinely natural. TigerHeart and DoveWing are the best canon couple in warrior cats, they actually talk and communicate to each other, they let the other know how they're feeling about the things that the other one is doing and they work their way through solving the issue at hand. When do you see this with couples like FireSand, when do you see this level of communication with any canon couples or even friendships in warrior cats? (Don't say TallJake, you know damn well those two barely communicated and barely got to know each other)

In TBC he's just, a fucking powerhouse, willing to defend his son with every ounce of energy in his body and willing to hide secrets from everybody else so that his son can be protected. TigerHeartStar loves his family so much and we especially see this in TBC. And in the recent books of ASC, he's even better. TigerHeartStar needs Riverclan to get their shit together, he realizes that if nothing is done about their situation, then their clan will shrivel away forever and disband, just like Shadowclan in AVoS. The common argument is that TigerHeart is "taking over" Riverclan, but that's just not true, he literally just needs Riverclan to get their shit figured out and he takes up the leadership role for them temporarily because CLEARLY they can't pick a leader for themselves without sitting on their asses, waiting for Starclan to spoon feed them information. What sucks is that the books keep trying to make us hate TigerHeartStar, but really, every attempt at doing so is just making me like him and making me go "He has a point though, why are you booing him, he's right". Once again, this is another situation that makes people claim he's colonizing Riverclan, but that's just stupid fucking talk because clearly this fandom made up of primarily white fans has this skewed idea on what colonization is and what makes a colonizer. They think LeafStar is "getting his ass" but they just want even a shred of stuff to praise LeafStar for. LeafStar sucks in this situation, I don't care if I lose more followers for this.

I'm going to stop myself from rambling more and more about TigerHeartStar, but hopefully my… essay-long ramblings have helped with your question!

[wheeler-fan]

Hi ok first of all im seeing alot of negative energy in your asks so i wanna make it clear that im not tryna be negative like genuinely curious about peoples opinions and yk wanting to talk about stuff i find interesting

So how do you feel about the framing in the last shot in season 4 like yk we have jopper and jancy (jopper is endgame im sure but idk abt jancy) and the will and mike in the middle like

The pairing and framing is very specific and odd like it is supposed to stick out to the viewer (cause yk normally people dont stand that far apart from each other in like pairs of two idk 😭) el in the centre alone makes sense though cause yk she’s in the eye of the storm (lol get it) (storm)

But they could’ve kept this framing but with different pairings too (like the wheelers together and the byers together) idk its just very obvious to me that they wanna make it stick out to the audience (not to mention that its the last shot of the season so obviously important)

And it doesn’t necessarily have to foreshadow byler but then what do you think it’s foreshadowing (cause there is something going on and yk the duffers love playing around like that)

ofc! i love getting questions from byler fans about my point of view!! let's just be nice to each other ❤️

well i see you're asking about this final scene

*jopper- well they're standing together bc they are endgame ofc!🙄🙄 we all know that, but also they were together in s4 in a team- they're an iconic duo fr

*jancy- first thing, they're canonically still together, we know that they have some issues but we're hoping they'll have a happy ending and will be an endgame duh🙄🙏🏻

* eleven - as you just said, she's in the eye of the storm, she's gonna be the main person who's gonna fight vecna, it's gonna be her final fight, her revenge to get a justice for Max and for Hawkins (also why mike is not next to her? not only bc they were kinda separated from each other at the end, but also bc mike can't be in her shadow, he's probably gonna have an important thing to do this season, the same goes with Will)

* byler - well as i said before i think eleven is separated from them so people will pay more attention to them and their role in final season, second thing and you have to agree with me at this point - they were such an iconic duo this season (+ we know that it's canon that Will likes Mike) so yeah, even if we won't focus at romantic stuff here i bet they're gonna be one of the most iconic duo this season!! (let's hope🙏🏻or else👹)

* you said that maybe wheelers and byers could stand together but idk about this one tbh😭 it's probably connected to the fact that- 1)We want jancy to be explained, bc nancy doesn't know why Jonathan was acting so weird and yk we also have a problem with steve and his 6 chicken nuggets....😭. 2) We want byler (some of us romantically, some of us platonically) but still we want things to be explained between them right? Well that's how i see it, hope it helps!❤️

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

Hey malt um i see u posting about an anime on my dash and im getting into a lot of different anime to fill the homeless gay dog void um. Do you wanna tell me about your anime maybe?

OH DO I? finn my dear friend you dont even know what you're getting into here. reaching into the depths of my true form: main fandom brainrot.

okay given that im sasamiya posting rn im going to Assume you mean them but i was also posting about dunmeshi earlier so if you wanna hear about that too just let me know but AH. There is so much to sayyyy

Okay going to try and break it down to the basics here but sasamiya (or as its actual title, Sasaki to Miyano) is basically my mcu. my sasamiya-verse. there are two manga series currently ongoing in this universe but the world is in my hands and there are so many other fandom made one's i'll get into in a bit. But For Now.

Sasaki to Miyano's basic premise is- as copied from mdex because it really is worded best there- "It all started like a typical old-school boys’ love plotline—bad-boy senior meets adorably awkward underclassman, one of them falls in love, and so on and so forth. But although Miyano is a self-proclaimed boys’ love expert, he hasn’t quite realized…he’s in one himself. Which means it’s up to Sasaki to make sure their story has a happily ever after…!"

That's it. fun and simple and sweet gay love story set-up we love to see it. Except that it can never be so simple. Because the author, harusono shou, does this crazy thing called being a really good writer who creates beautifully alive characters for me to shake like maracas in my brain.

Like, you think it's simple. Miyano is a loveable bl fan who hasn't put much thought into his sexuality, Sasaki is the guy he successfully gets into his hyperfixation and they grow from that shared interest into an adorable relationship. But Then they hit you with the Miyano body insecurities and youre like hey, wait a minute. And then they caually show Sasaki displaying every single symptom of undiagnosed depression in his childhood and you have to stop and go hey... And then they have to have Hanzawa mother fucking Masato (lovingly said. absolute beloved character.) and you quickly realize that this isnt just some sweet romance story. it's a sweet romance story with the most quietly complicated character writing one only dreams of <- im biased and obsessed. may not be true to life but [shrugs] there is no one doing it like harusono and her thousands of words of character analysis that she has written about her own characters. i love her fr.

Im trying not to spoil things here really but it is genuinely such a lovely and interesting story, the light novels are literally my entire life, occasional side character Shirahama Kyouji is genuinely my favorite character and he probably has a total of 8 scenes in the translated manga so far. he was my blog theme for like 2 weeks straight earlier this year i am insufferable about him and everything he both is and isnt.

And that isn't even getting into Hirakagi. the agonies. Hirano to Kagiura, the technically prequel spin-off manga about sasaki's best friend and the gay shenanigans he gets up to with his roommate. they make me sob and also make me sick its great. could not reccomend it more even if you never read sasamiya or vice versa just one of them is such a great read.

The biggest appeal for me though is definately the fandom though. like i have been in So Many Fandoms as you can tell from the absolute chaos that is my blog, but ive probably only experienced this sort of fandom experience once before in my whole entire life. im so entrenched. the thing about being a, while popular, still very much a bl series that doesnt get much in terms of fan or official content, is that eventually something has to give. usually that means that the fandom is either dead or rarely gets talked about, which you would think to be true i you just looked at the main tags, but ive never been in a fandom that breathes to much... life?? into itself??? dont know how to word it. we make it work around here basically.

like after years of gaps between chapters we all collectively just went "okay how about we just do it ourselves" and essentially made the fandom into goncharov before there was ever a goncharov yk. like the actual story is really good and well done and then we all just went and made it our own to keep ourselves sane, and it worked!! we call it hanzawa to tashro!!! it is in our minds and also technically in the text. its so amazing here i cant even explain it well enough. my friends @/dirtbra1n @/aranarumei @/kagiuraakira and @/sunnnfish and so many others (we're all easy to find we stalk each other's blogs to talk about all of this) make awesome posts about it. #riverposting or #hanzawa to tashiro are good places to look if youre interested. i also talk about them A Lot over here to you can look through what I have too though a lot of it has like specific aus like #dating sim au and stuff tagged on mine, so the others are better bets for general meta posting fun. Just. Its so fun here. also if youve ever liked jeweler richard then shameless plug bc my dear friend kiri wrote the anomalous agate which is a beautiful and fun crossover with hanzawa to tashiro and tcfojr which is so so good if you're interested.

Just, there is a lot and this definately didn't cover it all. i want to explain riverposting but that takes Time and Context and also was explained before by sunnnfish on their blog im pretty sure (and they do amazing art over on @/sunnfish with 2 n's) if you ever feel like checking this all out. i love this place a lot.

[fabaceous]

"it's not like shauna never shows signs of loving jackie even before she eats her ear. " "shauna is fucked up and selfish but she's not a monster and she does love jackie!!" Could you do an analysis on the signs showing Shauna loves Jackie? Would absolutely love your thoughts on them. There are more posts analyzing how Jackie loves Shauna but not much about Shauna loving Jackie. I think a lot of the audience thinks Shauna resents Jackie until she dies, then it's all guilt and just guilt.

it would be my absolute pleasure and honor!! you're right - theres a lot of time spent unpacking how jackie loves shauna, how shauna resents jackie, and of course how shauna shows her love for jackie after her death, but not so many on how shauna shows she cares about jackie before her death. to be fair, it's kind of slim pickings because i think that for the sake of the plot/characters, the show had to explicitly establish the resentment shauna has for jackie and the ways shauna goes behind her back, while they could sort of get away with leaving the love and friendship implied and not showing every single detail and example of their friendship on-screen. (do you get what i mean? like, they introduced shauna and jackie as very close friends and because we as humans know what friendships entail, we do the rest of the work and fill in the blanks for them. it makes sense narratively, although of course i wish we could've gotten a whole season's worth of their actual friendship!)

so here's a sort of grab bag of things that are occurring to me, in a very loose order of least-to-most-convincing (in my opinion at least).

shauna begging jackie to eat while jackie is depressed/losing interest in food/losing her will to live/etc. i mean, sure, this could be shauna just being a team player and making sure everyone's well-fed. and if you really wanna be cynical, her busting out the nickname ("jax") and saying "for me🥺" could just be very clever manipulation to get jackie to cave. but... im choosing to believe that shauna really just didn't want her best friend to starve to death. sometimes the simplest answer is the best answer!

going along with the whole seance idea. shauna clearly isnt super sold on it and i think it's a little awkward because she just gave jackie this big pep talk and she knows a seance could go wrong but feels obligated to stand by jackie now, but regardless, she also clearly recognizes that jackie needs a win. so she backs jackie up, not necessarily because shauna wants to do a seance, but because she knows it will make jackie happy. and although this kind of situation (i.e. shauna doing something she doesn't "want" to do because she knows jackie wants to do it) can definitely lead to resentment and im sure it did lead to resentment at various points throughout their friendship, it seems to me from this scene that in this instance, group politics aside, shauna genuinely did care about making jackie happy and - maybe even more importantly - making jackie feel useful. ive said this before but ill say it again - shauna can be more astute than people give her credit for. she seems to understand that if jackie can feel useful, she will feel better about herself and treat everyone else better, and if jackie can be useful, everyone will treat her better, and if she can do both, it'll all be mutually beneficial. so here and in the next one on my list, shauna tries to make that happen bc she knows itll improve jackie's situation.

trying to teach her survival skills. it's another great example of shauna reading the room and looking out for jackie by way of trying to help her fit in. granted, this one isnt as successful as the "i just need my best friend right now" scene (will get to that in a minute) because jackie is not cut out for butchering things and is also extremely not interested in it, but i still think it was smart of shauna to be able to pinpoint why jackie is getting flack, and the fact that shauna tried to solve that problem shows that she cares about jackie and doesn't want jackie to be ostracized. of course, obligatory disclaimer that if you have a really uncharitable read on shauna you could say again that it was purely self serving because if the team is getting along then everyone has a better chance of survival blablabla...but. personally i think this was simply her being a good friend.

the "i just need my best friend right now" scene. ive already written about this one so ill refer you 👉here👈 for the post i made a while ago but will summarize again real quick - its one of shauna's most emotionally intelligent moments imo. she recognizes that jackie is feeling vulnerable and upset, and instead of tackling it head-on by trying to directly comfort jackie (which could have just made jackie feel worse) she does the opposite, and opens herself up and lets jackie comfort her so that jackie can a) feel useful and b) feel close to her best friend again.

shauna's little pep talk after she tries to teach jackie how to butcher - which i just rewatched literally right now so that i could be ~well informed~ while making this post lol. and shauna kinda flops at her pep talk but i think honestly that's kinda the whole point, and shauna knows it, and jackie knows it. because then shauna segues into reminding jackie of how she's useful (i.e. she's a morale booster, not a butcher) and she even says "we need you" (lol does anyone else still hold their breath every time waiting for shauna to then say "...i need you" or is it just me and jackie?). and i think this scene contains what might actually be the most genuine and direct display of verbal affection that we ever see shauna give jackie: "you taught me how to be like this, you know." i think it's maybe shauna's equivalent of "you're the best friend i've ever had. you know that, right?" which is to say it's the closest she'll get to outright saying she loves jackie. and then dont get me STARTED on the necklace. the fricking necklace the talisman of love and good fortune and protection that jackie imbued with symbolic significance when she gave it to shauna on the airplane. i feel like theres also something to be said about how shauna puts it on for jackie, but idk what exactly. i mean its just a very tender and sweet moment of shauna physically taking care of jackie, and i get the impression that physical caretaking really resonates with jackie (because it also seems to be the way that she cares for/comforts people, so shauna is kind of "speaking her language" there). and then shauna echoes jackie's own words back to her - "i mean, you're basically the best" - and you know what guys? i think jackie LOVES a good callback. exhibit A she gets all "teehee" when shauna says that, and exhibit B (sorry) of course there's her dying dream where shauna says "you're the best friend i've ever had." the way to jackie's heart is through callbacks!

anyway thats all ive got for now, im sure there are things that i've missed but hey it's a start! as always if anyone's got anything to add please do, id love to hear it!

[literallyexploding]

(long ass) vent post

you really can't win with a lot of people fr bc they're gonna say you're faking mental illness if you act like you're ok but if you act any other type of way you're annoying and off-putting

also like idk I'm not TRYING to be miserable and things suck a lot less if you at least act like you're enjoying them but that doesn't mean Im doing well if I say I'm not

and these fuckers are gonna literally cancel me if I ever mention anything I'm thinking beyond the most vague allusions to a depressive aura. like people be like asking me questions about this shit and then getting mad at the answer like don't ask people about their trauma/bipolar/ocd/anything if you're not in a place to hear about it

"what are intrusive thoughts?"

oh they're whatever is the most evil and frightening to you and you kinda just get pop up ads for that shit all day

"ok well what ones do you have?"

and I start with light ones and they ask what other ones I have bc they don't sound that bad but then they get mad and don't wanna talk to you when you tell them the worse ones because no one listens to the part about it being the WORST THING YOUR BRAIN CAN CONJURE UP like bro I don't WANT to think about and see that shit all day it's INTRUSIVE and a DISORDER and I'm upset by it I'm not like wow! I really enjoy this live footage of my auto-disembowelment 20 times a day! this is my sexual fantasy! I didn't want to go to sleep tonight anyway I just wanted to think about this!

so few people actually understand me on any level and it sucks honestly it really feels as if no one really gets it sometimes and it's so isolating to be weird even to the weird people it's like I'm the wrong type of weird. like y'all like to joke about being weird off-putting delulu schizo autistic whatever the fuck i don't think some of you get that it sucks and it hurts to experience those things

it hurts every time someone asks if I'm a school shooter or gonna go off the rails or a sociopath or whatever else. everyone is scared of me no matter what I do to my appearance and how I try to act and it makes it so hard to meet people when you have to do all the approaching and leg work because no one wants to try to get to know you. Contrary to popular belief I do have feelings and empathy and sympathy it's just really hard for me to show it in a neurotypical emotional way I tend to just say how I feel rather than show it.

I have pretty thick skin and generally think it's funny to get insulted and DC whatever secretly enjoy it even but the one thing that really still hurts is knowing that people genuinely think I would ever hurt or kill someone on purpose. all I've heard from people my whole life is "I used to be so scared of you but you're actually nice!" which is usually meant well but idk it feels so backhanded after you've heard that you're "actually nice" 30 times because it's a huge shock. and the school shooter shit is just ridiculous honestly like what is your evidence here? that I dress in black and I'm not your sexy goth mommy I'm a little bit awkward and have unconventional interests? bc none of that makes you evil like at all

my friends being my friends ofc say I'm not super awkward and cold but the reality of it is that's how I come across to a large amount of people that I interact with especially with strangers and large settings and it doesn't help to look emo or whatever but one thing I'm not compromising on anymore is my appearance. people didnt treat me much better when I was somewhat within the guidelines of Christian womanhood like sure they called me pretty and hot but it's not like I had any more friends or a better life or more respect. I still scared most people bc nothing about me actually changed. like at least now I wear clothes I feel more confident in. imma look like this and those homophobic hating ass mfrs standing on the street yelling can eat my ass about it

the end (here's an Easter egg for reading this far)

[jackienautism]

HI fe3h anon from earlier. i started playing at like 9 and stopped at 4. did not realize how early it was until i turned the game off because i was at a good stopping point lmao. anyway!

made it to chapter 4 of the first... idk what it's called? section? i chose the black eagles (it was a sort of tough decision, because . off the bat i REALLY liked both edelgard and claude, but i liked the eagles a lot more on average which was the deciding factor). having fun so far! i was expecting to not lovee the actual like. battle mechanics but nope i was totally sucked in. really good gameplay.

as for characters. well. like i said, off the bat i really liked edelgard and claude. honestly as of right now i don't think there's a single eagle i dislike those are all my besties. if i had to pick three (non edelgard, bc she is hands down my favorite so far) characters who were my favorite eagles... right now, probably dorothea, bernadetta, and maybe caspar? but it's genuinely so hard to pick, i like them all.

as for non-eagles, i haven't gotten the chance to know them quite as well yet, so there's more a list of characters i'm interested in learning more about? top of that list is probably ingrid, marianne and hilda. OH and of the like... non-students, i've barely met her but i loveee shamir's voice and design.

genuinely i barely know anything about fire emblem somehow so. i am excited to see how the story plays out!

HIII OH MAN A FULL 7 HOURS OF PLAYING HUH? I TOTALLY WENT THROUGH THE SAME THING WHEN I FIRST STARTED PLAYING. remember to take care of yourself and get some sleep though! but i totally understand the feeling of getting sucked in fdgjdnjg the game does such a great job of doing that! BUT THE OTHER PARTOF ME WANTS YOU TO KEEP GOOOOING... IM SO HAPPY AND EXCITED FOR YOU HEHE

YAAAAY SO HAPPY YOU CHOSE THE BLACK EAGLES KDFNGFD i will warn you rn though based on the writing of edie's route compared to everyone else's..... it's so obvious that teaming up w/ her was thrown in at the VERY last second. i won't say anything just yet but im sure you'll understand what i mean if you play the other routes. and who knows maybe you'll figure it out also just by playing hers? but anyway, no spoilers! but as a heads up edie's route is 4 chapters LESS than the three other stories :/ and there's no like... real resolution to her arc / story? SO much can be accomplished in 4 chapters and they jsut.... man idk, the stopping point was terrible. bc based on edelgard and motivations? her story wasn't yet done.

BUT ANYWAY. ENOUGH OF THAT. SO HAPPY YOU CHOSE THEM AS A FIRST ROUUUTE.... and claude is such a good second choice.. his def would've also been a great starting route. although it's pretty obvious how the blue lions was meant to be the "meat" of the game yk? you find out soooo much more abt *certain* characters and just. yeah. it's sad. but! edelgards route still holds a special place in my heart, regardless of the quality, and i hope it does for ypou too! also super glad to hear that the battling mechanics hooked you in! theyve improved the gameplay from previous games (esp w/ the inclusion of divine pulse. having that is sooo nice i will say) so im happy it works well for new players!!!

EDIE AND CLAUDE ARE SUCH GOOD CHOICES<3 AND THE BLACK EAGLES TOO<33 dorothea bernie and caspar are such good choices too btw.... glad you weren't annoyed by bernie at first bc my brother really was gkdfnjg CASPAR IS MY BOY.... IF YOU ENJOY THEM NOW YOU'RE TOOOOOTALLY GOING TO ENJOY THEM AS THE GAME PROGRESSES AND AS A EVERYONE GETS MORE DEPRESSED!

its not the same as playingthe route as the house those characters are in, but you'll get to learn more abt them through talking w/ them in th emonastery! i also def recommend like. recruiting the characters you wanna learn more about asap and going throuhg their supports w/ other characters if possible.... i also just HIGHLY recommend recruiting your non black eagles faves. bc uhhh things certainly happen later in the game. but yeah<3 those non eagles chocies are very good.... ingrid is. an interesting case. bc i understand why ppl hate her but i also went throuhg the supports that made ppl hate her and lik e? i understand why she thinks the way she does? and she actually becomes... self aware in her B support w/ him? but still. you;ll understand once you play the blue lions route im sure. but yeah i jus tcant help but have a soft spot for her idk. i just think shes neat and i love projecting onto her for certain things lol.... also lorenz is along the same lines as her in relation to claude and yet hes barely shat on? like HMMM I WONDER WHY :/ ANYWAY. MARIANNE IS SUCH A FAVE AND HILDA IS CERTAINLY FUN. THEIR DUO IS SO INTERESTING AND CUTE TO ME

AND SHAMIR MAN??????? I HAVENT TALKED ABT HER YET BUT SHE WAS OONE OF THE REASONS WHY I GOT THE GAME IN THE FIRS TPLCE KFGNDGF ASIDE FROM EDELGARD.... YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SAD I WAS THAT I COULDNT MARRY HER..... also fun fact allegra clark voices both dorothea and shamir!!!!

OOOHHHOHOH IF YOU DONT KNOW MUCH ABT FIRE EMBLEM THEN THATS SO AWESOME. YOURE DEF IN FOR A TREAT IM SO EXCITED FOR YOUUUUU. try to avoid spoilers as best you can! the games have been out for a while so i doubt ppl are tagging them anymore... ill try to be conscious abt that when posting though! HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO HAVE FUUUUUN

[noctilucous-sunni]

more reversed sagau brainrot!! | a lot more under the cut

- when scara sorta just ✨materializes✨ in your apartment and you’re like excuse me wtf is happening, so u pinch yourself to see if its a dream and its not apparently so you must be going insane BECAUSE WHAT OTHER EXPLANATION WOULD THERE BE FOR ONE OF YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTERS EXISTING IN YOUR APARTMENT

- i’d feel like in the sagau or reversed sagau he wouldn’t be too fond of the all-creator bc if thats the all-creator wouldn’t that mean that you’re the one responsible for his existence and his suffering?? but when he just sees you being so genuinely nice and caring and yet strong and doesn’t take his shit he kinda lets down the guard a little

- plus he literally has nowhere else to stay so when you threatened to kick him out he realized it was either live with you or out on the streets. and he kinda hated the streets, so he ended up trying to find your place all dirty and stuff from tripping in way too many godforsaken random holes in the ground. poor gremlin.

- he is just super bratty and still has that air of “i think im better than you” but it never works on you bc you dont take his shit and you make him do half of your chores when your pissed at him (and you make sure there are no complaints)

- he wouldn't call you your grace after a while and just uses your name, you however come up with a million nicknames for him and you think its funny that it annoys him on occasion

- you argue. A lot. like so much that your neighbour and the apartment below you complained several times and also kinda tried to make the landlord kick u out so you made scara apologize to them bc hes mainly the reason its so noisy

- he will actually follow you everywhere, sorta like a guard dog. everyone around you is pretty intimidated by him but they are even more scared of you when they see that you basically keep him in check

- he can’t fucking cook dear lord. you told him to stay in the fucking apartment bc you had an important meeting today and he couldnt come with you and he was like “i didnt want to come anyway” and you just said “fuck you” (affectionate) in return (note: wrote this before his signature dish came out and he’s actually a really good cook don’t judge me ahaha)

- but when you come back your apartment and kitchen especially is a mess. you forgot to teach him how to use online delivery. and hes just like chilling out watching tv with mild interest, acting like half of your apartment isnt covered in eggs and flour and who knows what else

“scara what the fuck happened here”

“the stupid stove of yours doesnt work and neither does that beeping machine”

“clean it up”

“no”

“well i guess we wont have any food today or tomorrow, until you clean. it. UP." *glare*

he then leaves it but by the next afternoon he's actually getting hungry and grumpy and eventually starts cleaning it up the next day when he can't take it anymore and you finally come home to a clean kitchen bc thank god, you didn't know how much longer you could live on your co-worker's lunches

- you're both just so stubborn. he's stubborn and so are you and that leaves the apartment just with a tense silence AND when someone sees u at that time they feel so uncomfortable bc the atmosphere is just so tense between the two of you since neither of you agree

- silent treatment happens a lot and its really fucking stupid bc you both wanna talk to each other after like a few days but neither of you want to be the first one to admit that

- omg you absolutely hate having guests now BECAUSE HOW ARE YOU MEANT TO EXPLAIN HIM??? also he has to have normal clothes now and he looked at all your clothing choices in disgust

- everyone thinks he's just a friend until they realize he actually lives with you and then they're like "oohhhh are you together??" and think that he's your boyfriend/partner. and honestly you dont even deny it bc there is no feasible way to explain who he really is (without sounding crazy) + you get your parents off your back abt getting a boyfriend bc they kept trying to make you go on blind dates and now you're free from that phew

- but some of your friends/co-workers are all like "really? this lil guy? and they often say this around him and it just annoys and offends him to no end. but also you're surprisingly defensive of him, like yes he's a bitchy emo gremlin but he's your bitchy emo gremlin

[jaw-the-fandom-hopper]

Can I survive them? Pt.1(?)

So, my dad and I are huge slasher fans, and last night we had an in-depth talk if we could take slashers or at least survive them. And this is what I came up with for myself.

Jason Voorhees (og)

Right off the bat, probably.

I wouldn't do anything to cause problems in his forest, and if anything I'd be there to do something good.

Now, of course if it's a situation of he's trying to kill me just to kill me? No, absolutely not.

I'd see that behemoth of a man and just accept death.

I'd say, 6/10 probably could survive, if I wasn't dumb.

Michael Myers (og)

Haha. No.

If he wants me dead? I'm dead.

Only way I'm surviving is if I run for the hills, but even then I probably won't get far.

1/10 very likely gonna die

Old man Myers (aka, 2018 Michael Myers)

Probably.

I wouldn't try and get in his way, or try to cause problems, so I have that going for me.

But if he ended up in my house? Hell no.

I know how to pick my battles if he was out to get me I'd accept my fate.

Solid 3/10. Only because I think he might not kill me simply due to the fact im a damn coward when it comes to big people.

Michael Myers (RZ)

Honestly?

No fucking clue.

I mean, if he did want me dead, he could easily take me out. He's like, 6'9.

But if I saw someone that big I wouldn't even look at them, and I sure as hell wouldn't enter an abandoned house where people died in.

Only other reason he might not kill me is because I'd probably be like 'wow you're tall, cool' if I ever did see him.

I'd say... 4.5/10.

Freddy Krueger

Lmao, yeah.

1; I don't dream, and when I do I pretty much recognize it's a dream.

Even then, if I'm lucid during a fucked up dream? I just start screaming that it's a dream and isn't real.

And, if it isn't a dream and he's physically coming after me?

Man fuck you krueger I'll beat your crispy ass.

9/10, like my odds but they're not 100%

Billy Lenz

Bold of you to assume we'd fight.

But in all honesty, good chance of beating his ass.

I fight dirty because I'm not that strong, so if anyone comes at me I start ripping off ears and gouging out eyes.

Even then, it's twink on twink violence.

7.5/10 really good odds.

Vincent Sinclair

honestly great odds but now for the reason you think.

I'm cajun, aka I was born and raised in southern Louisiana.

If anything, I'd meet Vincent because I was genuinely interested in his art.

And I don't think he'd find a reason to kill me (neither would Bo)

I have those good ol' southern manners, y'know??

So, 9/10, really like my odds.

Bo Sinclair

Good odds, bad reasons.

As with Vincent, I'm cajun, and would definitely end up less as a tourist, more as a lost idiot needing gas

Knowing me, I'd probably stumble across some incriminating evidence on accident, also knowing me, I'd absolutely ignore it

And well, I'm a witness, so Bo can't exactly let me go

I'd just be really (probably too) kind about the whole thing, and he wouldn't really wanna kill me

5/10, I live, but probably not allowed to leave

Bubba Sawyer (og Leatherface)

I'd compliment his mask, or bracelet.

It'd be an in the moment, panicked statement to save my own ass, sorta compliment, but i digress.

He'd (hopefully) grow interested, so I'd continue to compliment him.

Which might lead to him kidnapping me but

So, did I win? ..not really considering if I do live through it, I'll just end up being dragged into the family.

5/10, I lived but at what cost?

Any of the ghostfaces

OH HELL YEAH

One, I don't answer my phone

Two, when I do it's to be an idiot, especially to telemarketers

Three, I know how to improvise weapons

In short, if one even came at me, nontheless called me first, they ain't getting far.

10/10, can beat and would beat again.

[blole-hack]

My magical guide to get yourself out of bitchlessness. For men, for women, for everybody no matter who you are and who you wanna date.

bitches be like "GET PEOPLE TO WANT TO DATE YOU DO BY DOING THIS, THIS, THAT, THIS, THIS"

me, tired aroace (angled) who has to actively avoid people from being attracted to him (because amatonormative society eyy): Look What They Need to Mimic a Fraction of My Power

So........u want my power? or at least what im talking about having because you don't believe me? fair tbh. dont believe everything you see

ok here's the shit:

HOW TO BECOME QUALIFIED FOR A GOOD RELATIONSHIP:

1 - Just be a good person, don't be an asshole and take care of yourself, be authentically compassionate and respectful to yourself and to others, that's literally it. you'll find somebody good somehow.

2 - Don't let your loneliness and date hunger and obsession with relationships get in the way of you living authentically.

Ok, people are gonna be like "but i can get a relationship without having to do that shit (the last part especially)"

Yea, but are you really living fully while doing that?

Getting in a relationship is the easy part. Exercising and getting a glow up's the easy part. Acting as someone other people would be attracted to is the easy part. Why? because it's actionable and it has steps that could easily become clear! It just takes a little bit of research and commitment. But its bull crap if it doesn't truly come from you. Not just bull crap to them but bull crap to you.

What's hard is if you don't know yet is actually getting a healthy one. What's harder is being yourself. What's harder is building yourself and knowing yourself.

Dating is just a fraction of your life guys. Two people's lives can't/probably shouldn't perfectly coincide especially since you've been living your separate lives at first

Living a nice healthy life in the first place before ending up with someone while you're dysfunctional and fully believing your worth and your quality of personhood is entirely dependent on whether or not you can get into relationships

And of course you can, logically get into a relationship

Intrinsically, mathematically, it's fucking possible dawg. dont give yourself any of that "its hopeless for me SPECIFICALLY because IM A BEING BENEATH OTHER HUMANS. actually, iM TRASH, NOT EVEN HUMAN"

because DAWG

1- you're a human being

2- humans are attracted to nearly every kind of human being

3- and even if theyre not attracted some people still wanna get into relationship

boom see??? you mathematically already fit the bill. stop overcomplicating shit. sometimes it really just turns out youre not someone's type, or maybe they didnt get to know you enough but who cares? baby, there's literally so many people in the world so no shit youre not someone's type. but that shouldn't stop you from being your type.

what should stop you from being your type is if you're a fucking asshole (and people are unfortunately still attracted to that but like see no matter what you're gonna get into a relationship if you truly desire to.)

In reality, a lot of people have no standards.

TAKEAWAYS

1- that should make u confident

2- but you should still be a high quality person (in your own definition!!)

SO EARLIER i was talking about how to be qualified for a high quality romantic relationship, and now I will tell you

How do you make something romantic happen between you and another person?

I DONT KNOW WHY PEOPLE THINK ITS SOME KIND OF MAGICAL THING, BUT LITERALLY THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE TO DO

IS TAKE A GENUINE INTEREST IN SOMEONE AND WHO THEY ARE WHILE ALSO SHOWCASING YOUR GOOD ATTRIBUTES, What makes YOUUU the cool u

make sure its balanced. both of you are important in this relationship and both of you should have space to be yourselves

AND THIS IS WHY it is so important to build yourself and learn about yourself like in what I just said above. You have to be interested in buying, and you also gotta know what you're selling/hj (this is just a metaphor dont take it as me thinking of relationships as business. BUT business is also a relationship in of itself)

And what you're selling HAS TO BE GOOD. Something that ISN'T what you would run away from, or throw away if it reaches near the people you care about. I know this is hard to think about if you really hate yourself.

Think of yourself as someone else and ask yourself "would i totes hang out with this guy? would this guy treat me right? would this guy bring value to my life? would this guy inspire me and make me see new shit and broaden my horizons which i might be missing from my life?" (and other things that are more of what you want)

AND IF YOU ARE NOT SOMEONE YOU ARE INTO, THEN ASK YOURSELF, WHAT ARE YOU INTO? Dont become WHAT YOU ARE INTO out of ENVY, become INSPIRED BY IT, and make yourself your human canvas bro of beautiful art bro. and it doesnt matter if it starts out as crap, all artists make crap at first, its a lifelong thing, and thats ok, and even if its crap, its still beautiful because it is authentic boiii

this is applicable for building any sort of relationship!

You don't have to chase squat.

AND THEN IF THEY GET INTERESTED IN YOU BACK, OR IF THEY ALREADY ARE AND THEY GET MORE INTERESTED IN U, Then you be honest with your feelings and then its entirely up to them and that's ok. Be OK with the fact that, bitch, there ain't no way to having a 100% guarantee or win rate in love bc that's stupid and things are always unique in terms of other people's relationships and personalities. NOT HAVING A 100% GUARANTEE IS TOTALLY NORMAL AND IT DOESNT MEAN YOURE SHITTY Following other people's bullshit dating advice is only going to attract you people that have bullshit values :) and that is NO BUENO homie, no matter how lonely you are my homie.

IF YOU WANT GOOD SHIT FOR YOUR HOMIES, AND U WANT GOOD SHIT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP PARTNER/S THEN U SHOULD WANT GOOD SHIT FOR YOURSELF BITCH

And now for the last step, or second actually, chronologically. But it requires the two above to understand.

You have to actually *decide* on who to date. Don't just pick someone just because they're the only option you see. Because, who would like only being liked that shallowly? it might not be a turn off if they're that desperate, but it would suck for them and make them sad. Plus, you're not getting much out of the relationship if you don't truly VALUE who you're with AS THEMSELF. Like, why u wanna be with them for life bro? If you don't even know them bro? And if you don't VALUE who that person is, they won't

Because the act of valuing a person, is valuable to the person. The very act of being choosy and choosing that person is important. Goes both ways. Don't pursue someone who is not on the same level of you in the value department

"BUT IM TOO TRASH TO EVEN BE PICKY.. oR PEOPLE CANT ACCEPT ME FOR WHO I AM BECAUSE OF X Y Z THINGS I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER LIKE BEING TRANS OR BEING NEURODIVERGENT"

THAT AINT THE CASE. THAT COULD NOT BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. EVERYBODY HAS GOT A RIGHT TO BE PICKY. IT IS A HUGE FACTOR FOR SUCCESS IN A RELATIONSHIP. BE PICKY, BITCH.

Everyone else's dating advice rely on other psychological tactics that allow you to become more perceivable/noticed by other people, which isn't intrinsically bad, but on its own its not sustainable. What I'm telling you is how to sustain that crap, yo. Its entirely up to you to follow them as well.

What you really have to be on the watch for is what kind of person do you want to notice you? This doesn't require you to change who you are bc you have to take into account that this person would also like who you are.

But yeah, if you wanna attract hot people, in most cases, you have to look your own brand of hot. Its just how things work. If you wanna attract good people, you have to be good.

And the process will follow. If you wanna be noticed by something, you gotta be around it, and you can figure that out on your own, you don't need weirdly phrased shit by other people

Oh yeah another last thing, you gotta make yourself strong bro. You gotta make sure your self love is strong enough that if you fuck up (and have to improve yourself) or get disliked/rejected for something that isn't your or anyone's fault, that it wont falter or it would get back together again.

Know to distinguish true criticism, needless bashing, and something that's just up to personal taste. Accept criticism and do it without the hurt, and ignore shit you don't have to change and dont feel like changing and move on

That's all everybro (gender neutral) go and slay