#If you see this message twice it's because I also posted it on my other blog IUWEHDKASHDUIWEDH
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i will genuinely never understand my dad!!! and i feel guilty for being confused and angered by him!!!! i don't know what he wants and i doubt i ever will
i guess he's known that he's had cancer for over a month now but never told me. and i dont know if it's because he wanted me to reach out/pay attention to him, as he's done in the past or if he just didn't think to, or if it's some other third mysterious reason that i can't think up
we aren't close since he was rarely in my life but i feel like that's something you tell your kid.
and the only reason i found out is because i went to go check and see why he hadn't replied to my message about asking if he wanted to hang out for the thousandth time without getting a response
#[static]#he tells me 'kid im gonna change i miss you i love you we need to hang out more im sorry that i wasnt around'#and then when we try and make plans it's like pulling teeth to get him to follow through#and sure there's been a couple of times in my life where ive had to back out of plans with him but like .....#we're talking less times than i have fingers on one hand in 30 years lol meanwhile he disappears for years without a word regularly#i thought we got somewhere last year when i decided to reach out after i stopped talking to him#we're both adults and we're busy but i somehow manage to have regular scheduled dnd games with 4 other adults twice a month#and i cant get my biological father who claims to want to know me reply to a message#and i know i know i know he's got his own demons and battles but i s2g it's just Frustrating because i dont know what he wants from me#i dont fuck with indecision and i dont like not knowing where i stand with someone#i know that he wont reach out to people in hopes they 'care enough' about him to do it#but like dude .......... SHOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME TOO WTF#i want to be unendingly compassionate to him since he's gotta figure out what he's gonna do regarding his throat cancer#but like ..... what am i supposed to do with this lmao he saw my message and didn't reply and maybe he's busy#but he also didnt reply to any of my other messages asking to make time to see each other#but then he called me this summer to see if i was in town when he was there (and i wasn't and it was out of the blue)#he also posted a lowkey transphobic comedy sketch on his page which is weird because that's not really his politics but also he's old#and i can just hear exactly what he'd say about it if i tried to even bring it up to him ever#idk what he wants from me but i sometimes think even he doesn't know#i think we missed our time to mend things into something that makes sense#anyways sorry for the vent into the void i just got new information and dealing with stuff about my dad is always difficult#i have rarely felt wanted by him and have never felt seen for who i am either
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🎇Happy new year, everyone! 🎇
(BOUNCES IN HERE) HI, HELLO!!! I KNOW I'VE BEEN AWAY BUT PLEASE KNOW I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN ABOUT ANY OF YOU (HOW COULD I??? NEVER EVER!!!) YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY HEART !!!
Just wanted to peek around here to wish you all a very happy new year; may this new chapter be infinitely better than the one that's been closed (or is about to be closed, depending on time zones!!), full of good health, success, wonderful company, wondrous news, happiness, laughter, remarkable moments, incredible memories AND ALL THE GREAT THINGS THE UNIVERSE HAS TO OFFER!!! May you fulfill all your goals and objectives for this year triumphantly; MAY THIS YEAR BE ABSOLUTELY GOLDEN FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!!!
Please remember that YOU DID AN AMAZING JOB DURING 2023, YOU'RE SO STRONG AND RESILIENT AND AWESOME, thank you for BEING HERE, thank you for always doing your best, thank you for being YOU; you've done amazingly well!!!! LET'S CONTINUE SWIMMING TOWARD 2024 AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT!!!
I'd also like to take this chance to THANK every single one of you. Even though I haven't been around as much, do know that I am forever grateful for every interaction I've had here, every conversation and plot and thread and sweet message I've received. Thank you all for your encouragement, support, affection and care; I appreciate your kindness and friendship with all my heart (thank you for putting up with me despite my endless slowness, you guys are golden😭) . I really do miss being around here and I truly hope that in this new year, I can be around more TO WRITE AND SCREAM AND CRY ABOUT OUR MUSES (AND OTHER BEAUTIFUL THINGS) WITH ALL OF YOU!!! MANIFESTING THIS!!!
HERE'S TO MANY MORE ADVENTURES TOGETHER, MY FRIENDS!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
#If you see this message twice it's because I also posted it on my other blog IUWEHDKASHDUIWEDH#If you see this message twice: Thank you for putting up with me IN TWO PLACES?? PLS LET ME GIVE YOU A HEART-SHAPED MEDAL#AS WELL AS MY ENDLESS AFFECTION WIEUDHWIEUDH#I sincerely and utterly miss being able to be around here so I'M GONNA!!! TRY MY BEST TO BE AROUND IN THIS UPCOMING YEAR!!!#There are so many things I want to improve for this blog so I really do hope I can be able to make that happen#Thank you endlessly for being here despite my radio silence <3 I APPRECIATE YOU BUNCHES#Hope you're all doing well and PLEASE celebrate happily and safely!!! Take much care <3#♔ || ooc.#a miracle that my tags aren't broken after so many months of not using them lmao
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┊NOW OUT. two boyfriends dress them up like twins. (psh x afab!reader x kjw)
┊synopsis. youre the head basketball cheerleader at your university and just so happen to be hooking up with the captain of the basketball team, yang jungwon. you may also be hooking up with the co-captain and jungwon’s best friend, sunghoon. what’s the worst that could happen?
┊WORD COUNT. 7.6k
┊WARNING. MINORS DNI. 18+. smut.. porn little plot. reader is messy as fuck. jungwon is also messy. isa is mentioned just for some plot building. p in v, squirting, protected sex (yay), unprotected sex (not yay), face fucking, swallowing, fingering (f. rec) , oral (f&m rec.), threesome, cumming inside, sorta some angst. i think that’s everything!
┊authors note. WOWWW after 5 months, i finally finished and posted this! i’m so sorry for such a delay on this, but i wanted to make sure i put my best into it! i will be working on the next installment of this fic soon! it will definitely not take me five months to post! should i do it in chronological order or who would you guys like to read about next? it’s been a long time since i’ve written a smut fic, so hopefully this is up to your standards! likes & reblogs are appreciated! my asks are also open so please send me some! thank you!!!
┊taglist! @strawberrywonz @denleave1088 @sunjaywoning @having-an-internal-crisis-rn @sjakewrld @lovewonkiki @rikisly @forrds
You loved game days. You loved how everyone would buzz with excitement, how you got to dress up, how many eyes would be on you. Everyone knew who they came to watch, and it wasn’t the basketball team.
Even the team knew it, their eyes lingering a moment too long instead of focusing on the court.
Especially when the captain, Jungwon, would noticeably bite his lip and miss the basketball flying at his head. That was a moment for the books, especially because it was his co-captain Sunghoon. You basked in the attention.
You giggled to yourself at the memory as you adjusted your red bow to sit comfortable at the top of your head.
As you were about to apply your lip gloss, your phone buzzed once, then twice, then three times. You were going to yell at your phone in annoyance, but quickly changed your demeanor when you saw who it was.
wonnie 🎀: hey pretty girl
wonnie 🎀: will i be seeing you tonight?
wonnie 🎀: you ditched me after the last game, i think you should make it up to me?
Instead of replying, you left him on seen. He thinks you owe him because you “ditched” him?
Jungwon is many things, but he is not a fool. He knew that you didn’t ditch him, you just weren’t going to wait around while he felt up one of the other cheerleaders.
So if he considers you ignoring his phone calls and texts asking where you are, or “please pick up angel” ditching him, sure.
You weren’t making it up to him though, that’s for damn sure. However, you’re sure it would be fun to fuck with his head.
y/n 🌷: okay :).
y/n 🌷: i’ll see you after the game.
Your message was almost read immediately, but you quickly closed out of it, not wanting to give him any satisfaction of you waiting for a reply.
Instead, you clicked out of his name, muted his messages, and scrolled to the one you really wanted to see tonight.
y/n: are you busy after the game?
Within seconds, a reply came through.
BEST DICK EVER: for you? never.
y/n: perfect <3. meet at my place?
The moment the game was over, you felt relief take over your entire body. It was a rough game, and unfortunately your team lost by a plethora of points.
They looked sad, and as hard as you tried to keep cheering them on, even your spirits were slightly crushed.
So as soon as the final buzzer rang and the players went back to their respective locker rooms, you booked it to the parking lot.
There was only so much time you had to get ready, and you couldn’t waste even a moment. Your teammates noticed your quick exit, but decided not to comment on it, towards you at least.
You would have to send out a group message later to explain yourself later, but for now, your mind was set on getting ready for your company.
The first call came in as you were turning into your apartment building, and you decided to let it ring. Maybe Jungwon would think you fell asleep, but you both knew better than that.
The second call came in as you unlocked your door, and this time you decided to answer.
“What?” You asked in an annoyed tone, “I didn’t answer for a reason.”
“Where are you?” Jungwon replied in an even more annoyed tone, “I don’t see you.”
“Because I’m not there,” You threw your keys onto the table and removed your white tennis shoes before walking towards your bedroom, “I have plans.”
“Yeah, I know,” He bit back, “With me.”
“Oh no,”
“What?”
You tried to stifle your laugh at his reaction, “Oh, so you weren’t too busy feeling up Isa to notice that I left?”
Jungwon groaned into the phone, “Get over that y/n, it’s not like we exclusively fuck.”
“Last time I checked, you were begging to see me after that game, begging me to let you hit because you, in your words, couldn’t wait to feel how tight I am around you, couldn’t wait to make me come undone your fingers because I looked so hot cheering for you,” You spat back, “I don’t remember you telling me you meant to send that to her.”
“She approached me, and plus, I tried to call you later that night,”
“I don’t want her sloppy seconds,” You cut him off, “So let’s try this again next week.”
You hung up the phone and threw it on your bed, anger boiling inside, who the fuck did Jungwon think he was? You are nobody’s second option.
Instead of dwelling on Jungwon, you carefully removed your cheer uniform, hanging it up in the closet and removing the bow from your head.
You could not wait to get the tight ponytail out and let your curls breathe before they get ruined in other ways.
Ping!
Again, your phone went off, and you knew it wasn’t Jungwon, he was still muted from earlier. A small smile plastered on your face, and quickly dropped because you were not ready.
You stood in nothing but the team branded sports bra and your safety shorts, but fuck, it didn’t matter. It’s not like they would be on for too long anyway.
BEST DICK EVER: i’m here angel
Quickly, you went to open the door and practically swung it open.
There stood none other than Park Sunghoon. His dark hair was damp from the shower he must’ve taken at the facility, and there was an unreadable glint in his eyes.
“Well, are you going to invite me in or just stare at my arms?”
You scoffed, “Was not.”
You shifted to the left to let him in, eyes lingering on how defined his chest and arms look in that confining white tee.
“Maybe a little,” You admit as he takes his shoes off and makes his way to your couch, “Or a lot.”
Sunghoon took his place on the couch, looking at you expectantly as you made your way to stand between his legs.
“Missed you,” His hands came up to hold your hips, “You did great tonight.”
“Did great or looked great?”
A laugh escaped his lips and his thumb began stroking your hip bone, “Can’t it be both?”
You closed your eyes, basking in his touch for a moment before he pulled you down to straddle his thighs, “You did great tonight too, Hoon. You always do.”
He stared at your features, taking you in as you looked at, biting your lip ever so slightly.
“So,” He broke the silence, hand traveling to the small of your back, “Are you going to let me eat it?”
You hummed in thought, “Maybe,” Your hands went up to his shoulders, fingers gracefully skimming over his silver chain, “Only if you let me wear this.”
He cocked his eyebrow, intrigued nonetheless, “You wear all of your sneaky links chains?”
“Maybe,” You shrugged, “But that doesn’t matter, I wanna wear yours.”
“What my pretty girl wants, Sunghoon removed his hands from your thighs to unclasp his necklace, “She gets.”
Sunghoon brought it around your neck, watching it lay between your tits, “And damn do you look good in Tiffany.”
Your face flushed, at a loss for words as Sunghoon moved you to lay back on the couch and he was now sitting between your legs, “You look so pretty wearing my chain, I bet you look even better wearing just that .”
His hands moved up to your sports bra, fingers dancing over your nipples before sliding them under the hem.
The contract made you gasp, his lithe fingers were cold against your nipples. Sunghoon pushed your bra up until your tits were on full display, bringing one of your nipples to your mouth.
Your fingers dug into his shoulders, small moans leaving your mouth at the contact.
Sunghoon began to kiss down your stomach, hands still rolling your nipples around in his nimble fingers. Once he reached your safety shorts, he looked up at you with a lustful look.
He took the thin fabric between his teeth, pulling it down slowly, exposing your glistening cunt to his hungry eyes. His fingers hooking underneath the fabric to pull them down your legs.
Sunghoon stared at you, his hand caressing your right thigh as he lifted your left thigh to rest on his shoulder.
“I fucking love this cunt,” His sweet tone dripped like honey, “You get so wet for me so easily baby, I’ve never seen such a more perfect cunt.”
You let out a sigh, unsure what to say, but you didn’t have to say anything. Sunghoon used two fingers to spread you before laying his tongue flat against your core.
His free hand held your leg in place as he started kitten licking at your clit. Your hands came to grip his hair, tugging at it gently.
“Hoon,” You whimper as he flickers his tongue against your clit, “Feels good.”
He grinned up at you, pushing two fingers into your cunt as he continued swirling his tongue around your clit. Sunghoon’s fingers were going at a brutal pace, causing broken moans to leave your lips and legs shake underneath his grip.
“Hoon, I’m gonna cum if you keep doing that," Your grip tightening on his hair.
"Make a mess all over my face, baby." Sunghoon said, not slowing the pace of his fingers, "Show me how good I make you feel."
With Sunghoon's praise, you let the knot in your stomach finally let go. Your orgasm hit you harshly and all you could do was moan Sunghoon's name and rut your hips against his lips.
His tongue or fingers didn't stop, lapping up the mess from your orgasm. The overstimulation felt too good, and you could feel your hips chasing after his fingers.
Sunghoon pulled his fingers and sat up, looking down at you.
And what a site to behold.
His hair was disheveled from your pulling and lips were shining with your wetness.
“You think I’d let you cum again on just my fingers?” He asked, hands trailing up to pinch your nipples, “Baby, I’m not done with you quite yet.”
Sunghoon brought his hands to your hips, flipping you onto your stomach. He forced your hips up, “Come on baby, arch for me.”
You complied, sitting up on your knees and leaning forward. All of your weight was on your palms, and arched your back the way Sunghoon wanted. You could hear rustling behind you before his hand came back to hold your hip.
“Think you can handle it?” He leaned down, his bare chest pressed against your back.
A scoff left your lips, “More than capable, but do you think you can handle this?”
“Mm, I don’t know” Sunghoon whispered, kissing down your back before pushing into you, “Definitely the best pussy I’ve ever had.”
You pushed your hips back against him, moaning at the stretch of his cock, “Definitely the best dick I’ve ever had.”
Sunghoon gave you a moment to adjust before fucking you back onto his cock at a fast pace. You tried to keep yourself up, but fell to your elbows and face smushed into the cushion below you.
One of Sunghoon’s hands snuck underneath your stomach and began rubbing figure eights into your clit, causing a borderline scream to escape your lips. He laughed at your reaction, letting up on you ever so slightly.
“God y/n,” He groaned, “I’ve never seen somebody go crazy for my dick like this before, must’ve really missed it.”
Sunghoon pushed your back down into a deeper arch, groaning when you clenched around him, “Fuck baby, you gonna squirt on this cock?”
The pleasure was too overbearing to the point only broken moans could leave your lips, the familiar knot in your abdomen was forming once again. Sunghoon’s brutal pace only quicked, causing a silent scream to escape from your mouth as you let your orgasm take over once again.
Sunghoon slipped out of you, slapping his tip against your sensitive folds as he looked at the mess between your thighs, “What a messy baby, squirting all over my dick like that.”
You could barely hold yourself up, trying to compose yourself as you came down from your high.
“You didn’t cum yet,” You breathed out, turning yourself to lay on your back, “And I wanna feel it.”
Sunghoon smirked at you, leaning down to kiss you as he slid himself back into your cunt, “Anything my pretty girl wants.”
You were busy sucking a hickey underneath his jawline as he fucked into you slowly, groaning into your ear.
“You’re the best fuck ever,” Sunghoon whispered, hips stuttering as he approached his own orgasm, “Nobody takes me as well as you do.”
A laugh escaped you, hands playing with his hair as you continued leaving small hickies down his neck, “Have fun explaining these to your other bitches.”
“You’re the only person I fuck, y/n,” He rolled his eyes, pulling out of you.
“Oh.” Is all you said, sitting up as you searched for your safety shorts, pulling them back over your hips.
Sunghoon threw his clothes back on lazily, stretching as he stood up, “Well, have a goodnight.”
“You aren’t gonna stay?”
He laughed as he kissed the top of your forehead, “Do I ever stay?”
Sunghoon gently kissed your lips before opening the door, “Call me?”
“What about your chain?”
“I’ll get it next time.”
“Who’s chain is that?” Jungwon asked, stopping in front of you with an accusing look, “That’s new.”
You scoffed, rolling your eyes at him, “It’s nobody’s, and like you said, it’s new.”
Jungwon stared at you, looking for any reason to accuse you of lying, “Are you still mad at me?”
The truth was, not really. You kind of forgot about Jungwon and Isa for the last few days, thanks to Sunghoon. He really knew how to make you forget things. Must be his dick.
“Nah,” You shrugged, “Don’t care. If you don’t mind though, I have practice.”
This time, Jungwon scoffed, “I know, we practice at the same time.”
You laughed at him, turning away and letting your hair hit him in the face, “If you are sorry, well, prove it.”
“See you after practice?”
Bingo! You thought to yourself, sparing him one more glance, “Sure.”
Jungwon watched as you walked away, noticing how good your ass looked in those shorts and how easily your hips swayed.
“Whatcha starin at?” Somebody asked from behind Jungwon, making him jump.
He sighed in relief when he saw that it was just Sunghoon, “Oh, nothing.”
Sunghoon’s eyes caught you just before you turned the corner, “Ah, nothing.”
Jungwon paused for a moment, eyes catching something he hadn't noticed until just now, “What happened to your necklace? The one you swore you wouldn’t take off even when you reached the pearly gates?”
“Oh,” Sunghoon said casually, “Needed to be cleaned, supposed to get it back soon.”
“Right,” Jungwon replied, “Let’s get to practice. I have plans.”
Jungwon met you at your apartment, waiting for you to open the door at any moment. He regretted wearing a sleeveless top in the nippy weather, but he knew that his arms made you go insane.
Finally, when you did open the door, Jungwon felt his slight annoyance melt away with how dolled up you were.
You wore a purple knitted headband, curls pushed back and spilling over your shoulders. You wore clear coated lip gloss and shimmering silver eyeshadow, matching your jewelry. Jungwon noticed something significant already missing.
“Took your new chain off, huh?” He asked, waiting for you to step to the side, “Guess you didn’t like it that much.”
“Guess not,” You rolled your eyes, moving to let him in, tightening your robe around you, “Sorry for the wait, I had to get ready.”
Jungwon winked at you, shutting the door as he followed you to your bedroom, “All dolled up for me, darling?”
“For myself,” You corrected, holding a candle in your palm and you lit it, “But I guess for you as well.”
He waited for you to come to him, leaning back on his arms as he watched you move, “You know, y/n, with you ditching me, I was wondering if there was somebody else who took my place.”
A cackle escaped your lips as you looked at him with a challenging look, “Took your place? Oh, I guess you noticed after you were done fucking my teammate when you know, you should’ve been in my bed.”
“One, I didn’t hook up with Isa,” Jungwon stated, “Just some heavy petting, and two, you know you’re the only girl I take seriously.”
“Grow up Jungwon, even you know that isn't true,” You stalked closer to him, “Because I don’t take you seriously.”
“Aw, you don’t?” He asked, sitting up and leaning towards you, “Such a shame, I would love to be your favorite on the roster.”
You met him halfway, “There is no roster. I thought you came to fuck, not try convince me you want to take me out or some shit.”
“I do wanna take you out, pretty girl,” Jungwon whispered, thumb grazing over your cheekbone, “And ruin everybody’s day.”
Jungwon laughed loudly as you pushed him back, slowly moving to straddle him, “You don’t think that would be fun?”
“Nope,’ You emphasized, coming nose to nose with him, “You’re just a sneaky link.”
A playful pout appeared on Jungwon’s face, “Aw man, if I knew that, I wouldn’t have let you borrow my necklace that I never got back, I might add.”
“Get it before you leave.” Is all you said before connecting your lips with his.
The two of you softly kiss for a while, Jungwon running his hands up and down your smooth thighs, squeezing them periodically.
Jungwon pushed his hips up into you eliciting a quiet moan from your plush lips. His hands move up to your hips, pushing them down as he rolls his up.
“Wonnie,” You whimper, fingers digging into his shoulders as you felt him harden underneath you, “Missed me bad, huh?”
Jungwon smirked up at you, his thumbs teasing at the waistband of your shorts, “The way you’re rubbing yourself on me, I think you missed me bad.”
You rolled your eyes as you removed yourself off his lap, Jungwon immediately sitting himself up on his elbows with a pout, “What are you doing?”
“I think you’re the one who missed me badly,” Was all you said before dropping to your knees and in between his legs, playing with the drawstrings of his joggers, “Take these off,”
Jungwon looked down at you, lifting his hips up to pull them down, kicking them off next to you. His thumb played with your bottom lip, pushing it into your mouth and smiling when you automatically started to suck.
“Such a good girl,” He cooed, pulling his thumb out and replacing it with the tip of his cock, “So me how good you can make me feel.”
Like second nature, you stuck your tongue out and Jungwon slapped his cock against it, forcing a moan out of you. Slowly, he pushed his cock into your mouth, groaning at the warmth.
His hand came behind you, putting your hair into a makeshift ponytail as he pushed you down on his length, making you gag.
Your hands gripped his thighs, hands digging in as he began to fuck your mouth, letting out soft moans around him.
“Your mouth feels so fucking good,” Jungwon moaned out, tugging on your hair a bit tighter, “Fuck.”
All you could do was moan, bringing a hand to wrap around the base of his cock, eliciting a string of moans from Jungwon.
Jungwon’s thrusts got sloppy, and you knew he was getting close to his orgasam. His hips stuttered as you squeezed the base of his cock and sucked harshly on the tip.
Jungwon’s hand pushed you as far down on his cock as he could, his cum spilling down your throat as he let out a loud whine.
That was new.
You waited a few more moments before pulling off his cock, looking up at him.
What a sight to behold, your eyes were watering and your shimmering eyeshadow was running down your cheeks. Jungwon was pretty damn sure that your lip gloss was on the base of his dick, but who’s paying attention to details.
His hand stroked your hair, adjusting your headband before pulling you back onto the bed.
“Still doing okay?” Jungwon asked, looking down at you and rubbing your thigh gently.
You gave him an enthusiastic nod, lifting your hips as he pulled down your shorts and panties.
Jungwon ran two figures between your folds, biting his lip as he looked at the wetness that coated them, “So wet just from sucking dick, huh.”
“Stop,” You covered your face in embarrassment, because Jungwon knew you like the back of his hand, unfortunately.
“I like it,” He cooed, rubbing your clit and taking in your moans, “Glad to know I make you this wet, only I can make you this wet, huh?”
That wasn’t entirely true. . . but it’s not like Jungwon knew about the other people you see in explicit detail, and it’s also not like he tells you about his other endeavors.
“Just you, Wonnie.” You moaned out, hand wrapping around his wrist as he continued rubbing your clit.
He leaned down to kiss you harshly, slipping two fingers into your cunt and causing you to cry out.
Jungwon fucked his fingers in and out of you as he sucked hickeys into your neck, it completely slipping your mind what he was doing.
One of your hands was tangled in his hair, tugging on it while the other hand was wrapped around Jungwon’s cock.
He was particularly whiny, which is new, Jungwon doesn’t typically whine despite you telling him how hot it was to hear.
“Won,” You moaned as he continued sucking on your neck, “Fuck me already, please.”
“Condom?”
“In the usual spot.”
Jungwon pulled himself away from you, leaning over and opening the drawer. He rummaged around before pulling the foiled package out and slipping the condom on.
“Ready?”
You nodded, moaning at the stretch as Jungwon pushed into your cunt slowly.
Jungwon waited a few moments to let you adjust before slowly moving his hips, “Fuck, your cunt feels so good around me.”
His pace began to pick up, causing you to dig your nails into the back of his t-shirt and moaning against his neck.
There wasn’t much to think about except how good Jungwon fucked you, and your mouth couldn’t fix itself to say much besides his name.
You lifted your hips to meet his own, causing his cock to hit your sweet spot and have you seeing stars.
Broken moans and the slapping of skin were the only noises that filled the room, your hands moved all over Jungwon’s back.
Jungwon was getting close, the way his hips stuttered and his eyes squeezed tight.
“Close so soon?” You tried to tease, but immediately regretted it when Jungwon thrusted particularly hard into you, “Let me finish on top.”
He shook his head, “No baby, have to make up for making you upset. Let me do the work, you just lay here like the good girl you are.”
With words like that, how could you resist being a pillow princess right now? Jungwon wrapped your leg around his waist, moving his hand to rub your clit as he fucked into you with more passion.
“Your cunt feels so good, y/n,” He moaned into your ear, “Nobody could take my cock the way you do.”
Instead of coming up with a reply to Jungwon, you just grinded back onto his hips, helping yourself reach your own orgasm.
“Won,” You whimpered as he continued rubbing your clit in figure eights, “‘M so close.”
“Finish baby,” Jungwon kissed down your neck, “Cum on this dick, make it yours.”
You arched your back and your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your orgasm hit you, clenching down on Jungwon which pushed him over the edge, spilling into the condom.
Jungwon rested on his elbows as he looked down at you, taking in the sight of how fucked out you were, “Your pussy is for sure the best I’ve ever had.”
“That’s quite a compliment considering how many girls ran through you,” You teased, kissing his forehead, “But get off, you’re heavy.”
He winced as he pulled out, standing up to dispose of the condom before coming back to you.
By time he reached the room, you already cleaned up and scrolling on your phone, “Didn’t even let me clean you up.”
You just hummed in response, “Are you staying or going?”
He scoffed, pulling his joggers back on and fixing his shirt, “As if you ever let me stay, plus, I’m seeing somebody else after this.”
What an ass, you thought, rolling your eyes before turning back onto your side.
“Whatever, grab your necklace before you go.”
Jungwon visibly frowned at your nonchalant behavior, but turned to your dresser to retrieve his prized necklace.
His fingers danced over the cherry-wood box, opening the side where you normally keep your necklaces. He ran his index finger over the necklaces, stopping on a familiar one.
His eyes must be fucking with him, they had to be.
There is absolutely no way he is touching a necklace that has PSH on the clasp. A necklace that he knew was one of a kind. One that he never saw the true owner without.
“Holy shit,” He whispered, grabbing his necklace and slamming the door shut a bit too hard, hoping you wouldn’t notice.
You were too engrossed in your phone to notice, were you texting Sunghoon?
“Bye.” Jungwon bit out, trying to subside his anger as you bid your farewells.
This was fucking great.
You haven’t heard from Sunghoon or Jungwon in about a week and a half. It was quite odd seeing that Sunghoon always texted back, and Jungwon reached out first.
Every time you tried to catch their eyes at practice, they would revert on their own and focus on whatever they were doing more intensely.
Jungwon always acted like that though, and he was the one who went to see Isa after he was with you, so you’re not sure why he was upset.
Sunghoon said you were the only one he was seeing, and he always wanted to see you when your schedule allowed for it.
Did they figure out that you were– No that is impossible. There is no way they would have reason to even talk about you. Sunghoon maybe, but Jungwon? Absolutely not.
Even then, Jungwon is not the type to keep quiet about something like that.
This bothered you, but what could you do when they avoided you like the plague?
Nothing, the best thing would be to act nonchalant to see who cracks first.
And that’s what you would do.
Game on.
It was Friday night, which meant it was game night. Playoffs were tonight, and you needed to make sure you looked and did your best tonight.
You glanced at yourself in the mirror, admiring the work you did. There is no way that those two can resist you tonight. From the shimmering eyeshadow to your glossy lips to the two necklaces that adorned your neck, your plan was now in motion.
The hard part would be to not look at them if they looked at you, probably harder than you imagine it to be because you face the court all night.
When the game started, you stood in front of the locker room that the team comes out of, holding your hands together as you anticipated their arrival.
As soon as you saw the doors move ever so lightly, you began your call off to the other girls that it was time.
The anger, annoyance, and the small sliver of excitement rippled through you as you stomped and shaked while the basketball team ran out on the court.
Of course, Sunghoon and Jungwon would be last to come out of the locker room, so you tried your hardest to keep your eyes forward, staring at your teammate across from you.
However, your facade almost slipped when Sunghoon glanced your way for just a second, eyeing you as you cheered for him.
You almost stumbled over yourself trying to get back to the stands after that, wanting to quickly shake such an interaction from your mind.
It was going to be a long night.
And it was a long night indeed. You had no idea that the team your school was playing had such good skill. Maybe it’s time to return back to your MaxPrep days after this.
There were a few fleeting moments of Sunghoon and Jungwon looking at you, but you only watched them out of your peripheral vision, not letting either of them have the satisfaction of you looking their way.
Instead, you would send flirty looks to another player, Jay? You think that was his name. Who cares? He was hot, plus you just wanted Jungwon and Sunghoon to give you attention.
For the remainder of the game, you focused on leading your team and hoping the two noticed you ignoring them, rather focusing on their blonde teammate.
The buzzer rang indicating that the game was over, and unlike last week, your team won by a plethora of points.
Winning this game meant your team was heading for playoffs, quite a comeback from the insane loss of last week.
You were sure the basketball team and by extension, the cheerleading team, would be out celebrating together.
Was Sunghoon or Jungwon going to be there? Shit, who cares. Maybe Jay will.
If either of them won’t give you attention, their teammate definitely will.
“y/n,” One of your teammates, Isa, came up to you as you were grabbing your cheer bag from underneath the bleachers, “Are you coming to NV?”
You shrugged, “Depends on who’s going.”
“All of the basketball team,” She purred, twirling hair around one of her manicured fingers, “Jungwon asked me to invite the girls.
Dickhead. You thought, but let the smile remain on your lips, “Sure. When are we going?”
“Now.”
“In our uniforms?” You asked, “Kind of tacky.”
Isa’s smile seemed a bit too sweet, “Well, we figured we would win, so we talked about it earlier this week. Everybody brought something to change into.”
“Must’ve missed that memo,” You rolled your eyes, knowing that it must’ve been somewhat purposeful that nobody told you, “But luckily, I have clothes in my car.”
Thank God you never cleaned your car out from that one time Sunghoon fucked you in the backseat.
“See you there,” Isa sang as you sauntered off to your vehicle.
You hummed to yourself as you threw your duffle into your trunk, not noticing the tall figure standing next to you.
A yelp left you when you did take notice, and it was none other than Park Sunghoon. He was wearing a simple white button down and jeans.
He looked good, but you didn’t want to show any interest in him, not right now anyway.
“Do you have my necklace by any chance?” He asked, eyes looking everywhere but your face, clearly nervous.
You scoffed, pulling it from underneath your cropped turtleneck, quickly unclasping it and practically throwing it at him.
He caught it, but he still stood there, “You’re not going to speak to me?”
Turning towards him, your eyebrows furrowed and stepped closer, “Just returning the fucking favor, Sunghoon.”
Now he had the audacity to roll his eyes, “Well, given what I know, it was warranted.”
“What the fuck are you even talking about?” You threw your arms up, “Was I supposed to just text you and beg for your attention?”
“Clearly that wasn’t needed, seeing how you were eye fucking Jay,” He spat, “Who’s next? My roommate Heeseung? My fraternity brother Jake? God already knows you conquested Jungwon.”
You took a step back, trying to mask your horror of him knowing this, “Don't threaten me with a good time. I’ll make sure they leave a Google review too. You’re not my boyfriend, Sunghoon. What do you care who I fuck?”
Sunghoon’s face had a flash of hurt, “I know I’m not, y/n. But Jungwon is my friend, and you should’ve told me. I don’t know why you didn’t.”
You ran your hand down your jaw, looking down at your feet in shame, “Because Sunghoon, Jungwon and I just fuck. He is just a sneaky link, and I’m just a sneaky link to him. There’s a whole roster, and I know he doesn’t take me seriously. Same for you. We just. . . fuck, and just because you said there wasn’t anybody else doesn’t mean that’s entirely true.”
A sigh left Sunghoon’s lips, “y/n, I like you. I think you’re great, and I thought I made that clear.”
“But you didn’t,” You felt your heart contracting, as if it were tightening up, “You only came over to fuck, and I begged you to stay. Every time. Which is fine, that’s what we did, so don’t try to make me feel bad for fucking your friend because I don’t feel bad.”
“I let you wear my necklace, that’s clearly meaningful. I’m never without it, so sorry I didn’t stay the night, but I showed it in other ways.”
“God,” You laughed at him pathetically, “You sound even more delusional than your friend. You like me so much to fuck me and let me wear your necklace, but don’t stay the night. At least Jungwon was semi-realistic.”
“Oh so now you’re comparing us?” Sunghoon laughed, squeezing his jaw, “Who’s better then, huh?”
“Don’t.” You spat, slamming the trunk of your car closed, “Your ego is already fucking bruised.”
Sunghoon moved closer to you, “Oh, you think Jungwon’s better then, huh? He makes you squirt all on his dick and into an incoherent mess?”
“Well—no,” You began, breath hitching as Sunghoon continued to move closer, “But he does things better than you do.”
“Like what?” His hands reach out to grab your waist, pulling you close to him, “Tell me so I can show you how much better than I am.”
“That’s not being a good friend,” You whisper, fingers playing with the ends of his hair, “But he is a way better kisser than you.”
Sunghoon closed the gap between you two, his plush lips warm against your own. You moved your arms to wrap around his neck, gently biting down on his lip to push your tongue into his mouth.
He moved his hands to your thighs, fingers dancing over the hem of your cheer skirt. They slowly began to creep underneath the thin material, making you shiver at the contact.
“Starting without me?” Somebody interjected, causing the two of you to pull away.
Your face became hot when you saw Jungwon standing there, a wide grin and arms crossed.
“Don’t be embarrassed now,” He continued, “Sunghoon just can’t seem to accept the fact that I had you first and I’m better.”
Sunghoon rolled his eyes, “In your dreams.”
“Tell him,” Jungwon motioned towards you, “Tell him how I make you whine.”
“Um,” You bit your lip, “Actually, I’m the one who makes you whine.”
It was Jungwon’s turn to blush as Sunghoon let out a very loud cackle, “That’s great, but I’m still better.”
“I think we should let y/n decide,” Jungwon shrugged, trying to take the heat off him, “y/n?”
You pondered for a few moments, trying to piece together what exactly he’s asking, “Like. . . now?”
“Not here,” Jungwon giggled, “But maybe your place?”
The heat between your legs seems to be unbearable, fucking Jungwon and Sunghoon? Did you die and go to heaven?
“Yeah,” You nodded almost too enthusiastically, “But what about NV?”
“What about it?” Sunghoon asked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, “Let’s go, angel.”
You slid into the driver’s seat, waiting for the two boys to get in the car. You felt like you were shaking the entire ride home, with excitement and nerves.
There’s a lot of things you’ve done, but a threesome? Never.
The two boys were silent, probably feeling the same nerves of anticipation that you were.
Pulling into your driveway, you shakily put your car in park and practically ran up the slope to your front door.
Your grip on the keys were tight, trying to not drop them. When you heard the soft click, you pushed the door open and the rep followed in behind you.
Kicking your shoes off, you turned around to face Jungwon and Sunghoon. You bit your lip, waiting for one of them to say or do something, anything.
“Um,” Sunghoon coughed, “So?”
Jungwon busted out in laughter, ignoring the glare Sunghoon shot at him, “You never had a threesome before?”
You and Sunghoon both shook your heads no, causing Jungwon to step forward and wrap an arm around your waist, “Well, I’ll show you how to do this, Hoon.”
Jungwon looked down at you, a glint in his eyes as you leaned in closer. You could feel his breath fanning across your lips, gently pressing his lips onto yours.
The kiss started off gently, hands gripping your waist as your arms wrapped around his neck. Jungwon’s fingers delicately slipped underneath your top, grazing your back. As he bit your lower lip gently, Jungwon pushed his tongue into your mouth as you felt a presence behind you.
Sunghoon pressed himself into your back, hands dancing underneath your skirt. Jungwon’s kiss got more feverish, fingers moving to the front of your top. His thumbs circling your nipples over your sports bra, eliciting a moan from you.
Jungwon pulled away from you, forcing you to turn and face Sunghoon now, who looked like he wanted to devour you.
His lips crashed against yours, replacing his hands back under your skirt and resting on your ass. You pushed into his hold, moaning into his mouth when Jungwon’s nimble fingers found their way underneath your sports bra.
You whimpered when Jungwon pinched your nipples, rolling them between his fingers as Sunghoon squeezed your ass. The safety shorts you wore under your skirt felt uncomfortable as they cling to your thighs the more wet you got.
Sunghoon pulls your shorts down, waiting for you to kick them off your feet before he slides his hands between your thighs to your cunt. He dragged his fingers between your folds, circling your clit to elicit a moan from you.
You gripped his forearm and leaned back into Jungwon, who was still playing with your tits.
Jungwon leaned down, placing kisses and hickies along your neck. You exhaled roughly through your nostrils when Sunghoon slipped a finger into you.
The two men found a rhythm between themselves, Sunghoon pumping his lithe fingers in and out of your cunt while Jungwon used one hand to pinch your nipples, the other rubbing your clit.
Your knees went weak minutes ago, pressing your weight between the two boys and making borderline pornographic noises. Sunghoon smirked at you, picking the pace of his movements up and Jungwon made slow figure eights on your clit.
Pressure rose in your stomach, the familiar knot beginning to form and Sunghoon noticed, watching how your thighs spasmed.
He picked up the pace of his fingers, leaning in to attach his lips to one of your nipples and suck harshly.
A string of moans escaped from your lips, one hand wrapping around Jungwon to grip his forearm and the other on Sunghoon’s back.
You tighten your thighs around Sunghoon’s hand as you reach your orgasm. His lips muffled the borderline scream that left you.
It took you a few ragged breaths to untangle yourself from this awkward position, Sunghoon pulling his fingers out of your cunt and into his mouth.
Fuck, he’s so hot. You felt like you could go again.
“I need to fuck you, like now.” Sunghoon said, interrupting your train of thought, pulling away from you momentarily.
Jungwon unattached himself as well, quickly pulling his shirt over his head and somewhere in your living room.
You followed suit, pushing the rest of your sports bra up and over, keeping your eyes on the two men in front of you.
Sunghoon pulled his sweats off, no underwear, slut. The tip of his dick red and leaking precum already.
He grabbed you by your waist, bringing you to sit on his lap when he settled onto your couch.
“How should we do this?” Sunghoon asked, looking at Jungwon, then at you.
You shrugged while Jungwon tapped on his chin thoughtfully.
“Have her ride you in reverse so I can get a taste of that sweet cunt,” Jungwon purred, winking at you when he noticed your flustered look.
Sunghoon kisses your shoulder before effortly turning you around, “You heard him, angel.”
You wrapped your hand around the base of Sunghoon’s cock, stroking it a few times before pushing the head into your heat.
His head rested against the couch as you slowly sunk down, your walls clenching at the stretch that was painfully delicious.
It took a few minutes for you to adjust, laying your back against Sunghoon’s chest. His lips dance against the nape of your neck.
Jungwon’s fingers dug into the plush skin of your thighs and he brought himself closer to you.
Sunghoon’s hands gripping your waist in a way that you were sure would leave bruises as he started to move you on his dick.
A string of moans left your lips as his thick cock split you open. Jungwon waited before you adjusted before he finally put his lips on your clit.
Your hands tangled in Jungwon’s hair as Sunghoon continued fucking you, causing your clit to hit Jungwon’s nose.
Whimpers left the younger boy’s lips as he ate you out with vigor, pushing you closer to your peak.
“You feel so good around me, y/n,” Sunghoon groaned, “It’s like this pussy was made for me.”
You were too fucked out to even come up with a coherent response, letting out a whimper and clenching around Sunghoon’s dick.
Jungwon continued eating you out, slipping his tongue into your cunt alongside Sunghoon. The grip you had on his hair was probably painful, but if it was, Jungwon didn’t seem to mind.
“Isn’t Wonnie so nice to help me fuck you into oblivion baby?” Sunghoon whispered, “Go on, show him how I make you finish.”
You squeezed your eyes tightly shut when Sunghoon practically slammed you back on his tongue as Jungwon’s tongue deliciously pushed into you.
A familiar coil in your stomach began to come undone, whimpers and moans leaving your lips as you let both men use you.
Jungwon pulled his tongue out as your cunt forced Sunghoon out, liquid spraying all over your thighs and Jungwon’s face.
“You ever make her do that?” Sunghoon smirked at the younger boy, pushing back into you.
Jungwon rolled his eyes, but a glint of pleasantries were in his eyes, “y/n, baby, can I fuck your throat?”
A chuckle escaped both their lips as you desperately nodded, tongue out waiting for him.
Hurriedly, he pushed his shorts and boxers down, pressing the head of his dick against your tongue.
You swiped over the tip quickly, eyes rolling back as precum seeped into your mouth.
“Such a doll,” Jungwon groaned, pushing his dick further into your mouth, “Choke on it baby.”
His head hit the back of your throat bluntly, causing your eyes to water as he started to thrust into it.
You used a hand to wrap around the base of his dick as Sunghoon began to thrust up into you again.
Both men found a rhythm of fucking you, muffled noises leaving your mouth as you took Jungwon.
“Fuck,” Sunghoon’s head fell back against the couch, “I’m so fucking close.”
You pulled off of Jungwon, the younger boy whining from the loss of contact, but you paid him no mind.
Your watery eyes locked with Sunghoon, leaning in to whisper, “Finish in me.”
Sunghoon’s eyes rolled back as he began to fuck into you with even more vigor, you going back to Jungwon’s dick.
The younger’s hand coming to the back of your head to push you flush against his pelvic bone, spurts of cum shooting down your throat.
You swallowed all you could, some dribbling down the side of your mouth as you pulled off with a wet pop.
Jungwon tsk’d, wiping it up before shoving his thumb into your mouth, “What a shame, normally you take it all, baby.”
You wrapped your own hand around his wrist, continuing to suck on his finger as Sunghoon’s cum filled you to the brim.
A squeal left your lips as your orgasam approached, thighs shaking and feeling such a pleasure of ecstasy.
The room was silent for a few minutes, jagged breathing heard from all three of you as you processed what just happened.
Sunghoon whimpered from the overstimulation of you on his dick, gently lifting you up as he pulled his dick out. You felt empty with the loss of contact, but laid against the arm of the couch as you recovered from an intense orgasm.
“So,” Jungwon was the first to speak, “Since I didn’t get to fuck you, I believe that this experiment is inconclusive, and we should test it again.”
Your eyes widened as a laugh escaped you, looking at Sunghoon.
“You’re so on.”
#enhypen hard headcanons#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#jungwon hard hours#jungwon hard thoughts#sunghoon hard thoughts#sunghoon hard hours#park sunghoon smut#sunghoon smut#enhypen smut#enha x reader#enha smut#enha imagines#enhypen imagines
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I went back, read the FAQ, figured out I was working with bad information, and would like to present an actually polite version of the previous ask.
The other women you were having the "AFAB trans woman" debate with haven't been able to let go of it,
because anons have been accusing them of gatekeeping and TERF politics for providing anecdotes of, basically, AFAB people identifying as trans women to mock or overthrow their social groups. Citations below:
https://strawberry-crocodile.tumblr.com/post/742523159739334656/aita-for-warning-new-transfem-friends-that-someone
https://necronatural.tumblr.com/post/754196456131428352/sorry-but-if-youre-afab-you-do-not-get-to-call
I understand that the brazen, all-caps-bold-text mockery of any ask on this topic is great for driving off hateful anons pointed at you,
but if you could lend some credit to @patricia-taxxon 's responses, for example, it'd help take some hate off her back and really hep build my respect for you as an artist.
This will be likely my last proper response on any of this so be chill about it
I really, genuinely do not care that much about this subject much at all. It is a passing thought to me. I made the original post, responded once or twice, and made a quesadilla. it was fucking delicious. I do not appreciate the way you have talked to me. If you're going to treat yourself like someone I have to earn the respect back of instead of a random stranger on the internet who was very brazen to me in a one-off inbox message, I am not going to care.
With that out of the way: I have read the citations you have listed. I do not care. I have read them, thoroughly considered their points, and I still do not give a shit. What you are pointing at here in the first one is an individual perpetrating shitty behavior. I am not saying that this is the case, but if there was an assigned-male-at-birth woman perpetrating the same information, it would become very apparent very quickly how obvious it is that the issue is not with their gender identity, it is with the information they are spreading. Anyone is capable of misinformation, and I am not going to shit on and belittle a completely niche gender identity because one woman on the internet fucked up one time. If I did that, I'd be a hypocrite and would not be practicing any sort of good faith towards people with gender identities I do not fully understand. This is a core tenant of how I approach queerness. I do not need to understand someone to respect them. I do not need to worry about how conservatives will see us. I do not need to worry about the larger queer community when one person is being off-putting. I am not a fucking square. I achieve a lot of inner peace by simply practicing what you have named "tits-and-beer gender liberalism".
The second post you have linked is also something that I have read. I have considered the points in said post. My stance has still not changed. I do not think ID'ing as a transfeminine person when you were assigned female at birth is an inherently transphobic concept. Plenty of people in my notes have described experiences that very clearly and understandably outline why they do or why others might identify with the concept. I fundamentally disagree with the response because I do not believe that it is a transphobic idea. I am a transgender woman and have been for about half a decade now. My relationship with femininity is complex, and I am a binary transgender woman. I think in the grand scheme of gender identities, switching from one binary to the other has been pretty easy for me mentally. I am not intersex, I have never detransitioned in any way, and my family has been incredibly supportive. I transitioned specifically for the euphoria I got from identifying as a woman. I still have a complicated relationship with womanhood. Someone who has gone through many more hardships than I have is probably going to have an even more complicated relationship with femininity, and that is why I have no trouble imagining why something like an AFAB trans woman would exist. Perhaps someone has a complicated relationship with gender in relation to their intersex status and feels that the journey that transgender women take more closely aligns with their own rather than cisgender womanhood. Perhaps they are non-binary and have still transitioned to a more feminine-leaning identity. Perhaps they have de-transitioned, but now they are irreversibly changed by that experience and they are, in a way of thinking, "trans-feminine" because they are transitioning back to femininity. It is not hard for me to think of reasons. It is not saying that trans women are not real women. I think it is very clear to me that "transfem" can easily describe an experience with femininity that differs from the cisgender experience. It is no less valid, it is simply different, as with all things.
"Transfem" can mean "a man transitioning into a woman", but it can also describe a complex approach towards self-identification. We can argue semantics all we want, but I do not care personally. I do not think transfem means transitioning from man to woman exclusively. I am a binary transgender woman, and I do not agree that that is all it is. My journey as a transgender individual has been very uncomplicated compared to others, but it is still an ocean deep. I do not want to reduce that journey and identification down to a simple "man become woman" because that betrays the inherent complexity of transitioning and figuring out yourself.
Ultimately, to me, it comes down to not giving a shit. I am rarely, if ever, going to meet an AFAB transfem person. You are rarely, if ever, going to meet an AFAB transfem person. It is an incredibly niche gender identity with a lot of baggage, as we have seen. It is never going to matter in the broad scheme of things that they exist because 99% of people are not going to bring them up in the wider conversation about transfemininity. I know that finding your identity can be a rough, arduous process. I am not going to deprive someone of the joy of self-discovery, even if it is a complex or contradictory idea. I do not fully understand neopronouns. I do not fully understand things like polyamory or he/him lesbians or AFAB transfems. I do not need to. In real life, you hang out with people and share food and good times together. None of this shit matters. If I am ever so lucky to meet someone with a contradictory or confusing identity, I am happy that my words may provide them comfort and that they won't live to hide themselves around me. Making someone feel like they have to hide parts of their self is the last thing I would ever want anyone to experience.
I have no beef with Patricia. I quite like her work. When I saw her response, I disagreed. I still do. I am not going to start agreeing with an idea I am expressly opposed to because someone asked. But it is not the end of the world. I would appreciate, if my followers are sending her harassment, that they fucking stop, because it's not that big a deal. If anyone from my post is sending anyone hate because of a public disagreement on that post, I ask you kindly to stop and go outside. I do not condone the behavior. It is not that big a deal.
I am going to go make myself a ham and egg sandwich and practice tits and beer gender liberalism now. I hope this satisfies your request in some way.
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PAC: What your pretty self needs to hear for Valentine's Day ♡
Your heart's message to you + a message from your secret admirer 💌
They say the truth ain't pretty, but coming from that pretty mouth
The truth is fitting, cause you ain't ever talkin' loud
And you know plenty
Yeah, you know what I'm talkin' about
Cause you just get me
Yeah, you so pretty... ♡
Pile 1:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Girl by Destiny's Child
Far by SZA
I MISS YOU SO BAD by iKON
The Lovers, Seven of Cups, & Three of Cups
So what your heart wishes to tell to you is that there is still love out there. You may have previously gotten over an ex, a past crush, or you are in the process of recovering from a break up. In the song "Far" SZA asks Sadhguru how to deal with rejection, in which he responds, "That's great! If nobody wants you then you're free." You have to look on the bright side of things. You also have to know what your worth is. No one else can define your worth but you. You have to be secure with who you are as a person. No one can love the parts you need to heal from. Once you feel fulfilled with who you are as a person. That is when you can form healthy connection with others. I believe you still are hoping for you and this person to get back together but you are hurting yourself even more by obsessing over this person (was going to say focus but instead I heard obsess). Reflect on your current situation and ask yourself, "What wound is this person triggering in me?". What do you need to move on from? To take care of your heart you should do some self reflection. Journaling and shadow work would help provide some clarity. Your heart asks you to not fall back into old habits. Self love is important for your growth, pile 1!
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Time To Love by Red Velvet
Changes by Jeff Bernat
I Think I'm Falling by KOHH
Wallflower, New Love, & Union
There is a new love coming in for you! This person could be shy and likes to admire you from afar. They could be self conscious about some things about themselves as well. The feelings seem to be mutual here. There could be a new crush that you like and wish to speak to, but are to nervous to ask them out of fear of rejection. Don't fret! Confessing your feelings helps build courage. If the person rejects you, then that just means there isnsomeone else better out there for you. It is not the end of the world just because you got rejected. Have a little more confidence in yourself, you are great, pile 1! Regardless, I see you and this secret admirer actually being intimate. Things could develop into something more serious with this union card. So make sure to be open to this energy and give them a chance at love ♡
Pile 2:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Mine by Slayyyter
ANTIFRAGILE by LE SSERAFIM
Post To Be by Omarion ft. Chris Brown & Jhené Aiko
Four of Cups, Eight of Wands, & The Fool
Your heart does not want to be tied down at the moment! I believe it has plenty of love to give lol. You also have no problem with turning people down or vice versa. You are looking for a fling and just wish to have a casual relationship! You could have a lot of options in love and would like to explore things romantically, maybe even sexually. Your heart suggests that you focus on your happiness and learn what pleases you. Love does not always have to be serious. Sometimes short lived romances have the best stories to tell! You will be feeling very confident and sexy in your romantic endeavors.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Boys Wanna Be Her by Peaches
No Flex Zone by Rae Sremmurd
STUCK IN MY HEAD by Twice
Open Relationship, Mature Woman, & Fun Times
This secret admirer of yours is honestly hilarious 😭. I kept getting meme songs and I hs to shuffle again to get a proper message. This could be my queer pile as well 🏳️🌈. I'm getting Renee Rapp vibes from your secret admirer, Pile 2 😋. They could suit the 'girl crush' aesthetic or if it is someone who identifies as masculine, they have a very pretty face. They are open minded, flirtatious, and exciting to be around. This person wishes to tell you that you are stuck in their head! They find you to be "so fine" 😜! They would like take you out soon. I'm getting it will be a bar date or they will take you dancing at a night club.
Pile 3:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
More Than Enough by Alina Baraz
Bluffin by Brent Faiyaz
Mona Lisa by Naji ft. Monter Booker
Death, Six of Swords, & Six of Pentacles
Oh, pile 3, bless your heart 🥹. You are someone who has such a kind, gentle heart. You have the purest intentions and for that people can tell how geniune you are as a person. You could be selfless and caring towards others. You have so much love to give that it is obvious to others. I don't see any bitterness in your heart and I feel like your heart wishes to tell you how proud it is of you for being able to find forgiveness. You are leaning to let go of the people who have hurt you in the past. The essence of your spirit is so soft and it's very beautiful to witness. Your heart's message to you is that anyone would be lucky to have you in their life. So don't ever feel like you are not enough because you're more than that. You are this cup that is overflowing with love and sincerity.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
At Your Best (You Are Loved) by Aaliyah
Freaky Deaky by Tyga ft. Doja Cat
LOVE by Kendrick Lamar ft. Zacari
Dating, True Love, & True Gem
Your secret admirer absolutely adores you, pile 3. They see your value as a person and they know that there is no one else like you in this world. You have so much love to give and they do as well. I am getting that they want to literally treat you like a princess/princess - just overall royalty. Their have geniune intentions as well and they would like to spoil you this Valentine's day ❤. (Channeled song: Kiss It Better by Rihanna 💋) for a few of you, you and your specific person could be separated. I see that things will turn out for the better soon. So have faith in yourself and in this person for things to work out. They could offer you some sort of proposal, love offer, or a token of their gratitude to show how much they love you. I see things would be passionate, flirty, and romantic for you and your secret admirer 🎆.
Pile 4:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Green Light by Beyoncé
Standing Next To You by Jungkook
God of Music by SEVENTEEN
Two of Pentacles, Page of Wands, & The Magician
You are such an optimistic person, pile 4! You could be someone who often gives advice to others and help others look on the bright side of things. You radiate such positive energy and it makes you a joy to be around. You could be someone who knows what they want and goes after it. You know how to balance your heart with your brain. Intuitive but also logical. People wonder how you are able to turn your ideas into reality. Your heart's message to you is to keep going after your goals and not let anyone distract you from your dreams. As long as you are happy that is all that matters. Your heart also wishes to tell you that whatever makes you light up inside is meant for you. Whatever your heart is set on whether that's a new job, house, etc. You have the ability to manifest whatever you desire.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Phone Me by Che Ecru
Novacane by Frank Ocean
Own It by Drake
Passion, Friendship, & Communication
For some of you, you could be currently in a "situationship" or have a FWB with someone. While for others, your secret admirer is possibly a friend of yours. This person is conflicted on how to approach you. You may receive a text or phone call from them soon where they ask you about your relationship with another. They could ask you how you feel about them or drop hints that they are attracted to you. The ball is in your park, pile 4, if you decide to be more than just friends with this person.
Pile 5:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Girl Like Me by Alexa Demie
Fulfillment? By Kilo Kish
Baddie by IVE
Eight of Cups, Two of Cups, & Seven of Swords
I am getting like "manic pixie dream girl" vibes from you, Pile 2. Something about you is hard to pin point to others. Mysterious but also so enchanting. You know you are someone who is complex but also so beautiful. You have these interesting quirks that makes you stand out and memorable to others. You are comfortable with who you as a person and it could have took you a long time to get to a place of being this self assured. You could have a child like wonder as well and it is admirable to others. You could be questioning what direction to take in life and could find "adulting" very hard but don't give up, pile 5! Everything will be okay in the end. Your heart's message to you is to learn what gives you emotional fulfillment in life. Also to not take shit from no one. What's interesting is your face could look quite sweet but you are actually feisty and have a firey spirit. There is a duality to your personality and its attractive. I am getting like Song Jia, Alexa Demie, Wonyoung, & Taylor Russell vibes from you, pile 5. Your heart wants you to embrace your confidence and focus on the abundance in your future. Do not let people drag you down and dim your light. Your heart believes it is time for some self pampering. Set your standards high in love and know that you are deserving of everything you desire. I also believe it is time to burn bridges with people who no longer serve you. How can you live the life of your dreams if other people only acknowledge the version of yourself that no longer resonates with you? If you wish to be the girl of your dreams, you have to learn to put yourself first.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Lilith by Halsey
Ditto by NewJeans
High Fashion by Roddy Rich ft. Mustard
Triangle, Travel, & Spiritual Growth
What is this Single's Inferno?! You have options, pile 5. You could have more than one secret admirer. You could be observing your current options in love and feeling "Well! Let the best person win☺️!" I see people wanting to fly you out and pay for your trips, oh my🫠. One of the people you will date could be popular or have a well known social status. You give people butterflies and some of you may know what affect you have on people, while some of you are innocent to the fact. You could receive love confessions or you may even already have. I feel like you are the type of person who receives love letters, jewelry, candies, and box of chocolates, if not you are going to be spoiled for this Valentine's day! You could meet your secret admirer(s) while traveling or when going on vacation. Your secret admirer's message to you is that they "like you" and hoping you feel the same 💕. They want to understand your love language and words of affirmations / gift giving could be one of their love languages in particular.
Pile 6:
Your heart's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Rose by Miyeon
Honey Dew by Lion Babe
Chanel by TiaCorine
King of Pentacles, Five of Wands, & Queen of Cups
I feel like you are at odds with your heart and brain right now, pile 6. You seem to feel confused about a decision you have to make. I believe you could think things are "sweeter" in other people's lives but that is not necessarily true. I know sometimes we can want what other people have but if it gets to the point of comparing yourselves to others then its not healthy. You have to remember to be grateful for what you have in life. It's okay to want the finer things, but what are you overlooking when you are doing that? Your heart's message to you is to not worry about what other people are doing in life and instead focus on what makes you great of a person. You are just as lovable, sweet, and beautiful.
Your secret admirer's message to you:
Shufflemancy -
Congratulations by Mac Miller ft. Bilal
Little Things by Sunni Colón
Aura by Mariah The Scientist
Work, Money, & Long Distance
I believe you and this person are already in a relationship. If not, your secret admirer will be the next person you end up in a romantic relationship with. This person could live further away from you and has a high paying job. They prefer to take on a traditional role of a provider. This person could have a hard time discussing their feelings though and shows their love through acts of services. While you, I feel you are more of an emotional person. You both could have a hard time expressing your feelings and thoughts properly to each other, which would cause conflict. Things might be tense for Valentine's Day. You and your secret admirer could have strong feelings for each other, but there needs to be an important conversation had in order for this relationship to progress. Both of you could be disheartened by this but there's hope! Try to appreciate the little things in your relationship and not focus on being the "perfect couple", for that does not exist. Every relationship has its flaws and all that matters is that you and you partner love each other very much. If it's meant to be, it will be, it won't be something you have to force, it'll come naturally.
#pac#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot#tarot readings#oracle cards#coquette#aesthetic#mb#moodboard#astro observations#astrology#astrology observations#witchcraft#wicca#glamour magick#love spell#aphrodite#venus#hoodoo#Spotify
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Buona Fortuna
pairing: Mercedes F1 Team! Kimi Antonelli x F1 Academy Driver! Reader
word count: 5500
trying out some new stuff, but chat i fear i cooked a little too hard. also if you like this tell me (i might make more parts to it), and sorry for the sudden change i just wanted it to be all in one part instead of two.
The Mercedes F1 hospitality area was nearly empty at 11 PM, save for two figures huddled at a corner table. Kimi Antonelli, still in his team polo despite the late hour, sat across from Y/N, who was surrounded by engineering textbooks and a laptop displaying race telemetry data.
"You know," Kimi said, sliding a fresh cup of coffee toward her, "most people would think I'm crazy for spending my free evening watching someone study thermodynamics."
Y/N looked up from her calculations, offering a tired but genuine smile. "Most people would think I'm crazy for studying thermodynamics between F1 Academy practice sessions."
"That's why you're you," he replied with a soft smile, a familiar warmth of admiration in his voice.
Their friendship had always been like this – comfortable silences, shared understanding, and mutual support that went beyond their racing careers. It started back in their Prema days when they were both trying to navigate the delicate balance between racing and high school.
While Kimi had treated academics as a necessary obligation, Y/N approached it with the same passion she showed on track. He remembered watching her in awe as she'd switch seamlessly between analyzing racing lines and solving calculus problems during their breaks.
"How do you not get burned out?" he'd asked her once during their Prema days.
"Because I love both," she'd answered simply. "The racing helps me understand the physics, and the physics helps me understand the racing. They're not separate things in my mind."
That response had stuck with him, reshaping his own approach to racing. While he might not share her enthusiasm for academic pursuits, her words had taught him that true excellence came from understanding every aspect of what you do.
Now, a couple of years later, he found himself gravitating toward her study sessions whenever their racing schedules aligned. Sometimes he'd ask questions about the engineering concepts she was learning, genuinely curious about how they applied to their cars. Other times, like tonight, he'd simply keep her company, finding inspiration in her unwavering focus.
"Remember when you posted that congratulations message when we graduated?" Y/N asked suddenly, looking up from her textbook.
Kimi grinned. "How could I forget? 'Proudest teammate award goes to @KimiAntonelli,'" he quoted the replies that had flooded in. "I meant every word of it, you know. Still do."
"You always have been supportive," she laughed, but her eyes showed deep appreciation.
"You know, I joke about you being a nerd all the time, but..." he paused, gathering his thoughts. "Watching you excel in both worlds, it made me realize I wasn't pushing myself hard enough in some areas. When I'm tired after a long day of practice and all I want to do is sleep, I think about you studying after equally long days. It makes me want to be better, to understand more, to push harder."
Y/N set down her pencil, touched by his honesty. "Kimi..."
"I mean it," he continued. "Everyone in F1 asks me about my rapid rise through the ranks, but they don't see what I see. They don't see my friend who's working twice as hard, not just winning races but understanding the very science that makes these cars work."
A comfortable silence fell between them as Y/N returned to her studies and Kimi started reviewing his own race data on his tablet. This had become their routine whenever their race weekends coincided – her studying, him working, occasionally breaking the silence to share thoughts or ask questions.
"Another win for Y/N L/N!" the commentator announced as she crossed the finish line. "The F1 Academy sensation continues to dominate while pursuing her mechanical engineering degree..."
After Y/N won her F1 Academy race, Kimi was the first to reach her in parc fermé. As they hugged in celebration, he whispered, "You always make it look so easy."
She laughed against his shoulder. "Nothing about this is easy."
"That's what makes it impressive," he replied, pulling back to look at her. "And don't worry – I saved you a spot in the hospitality area. You've got that fluid dynamics test to study for, right?"
"You're not sick of being my study buddy yet?"
Kimi's expression softened. "Never. Besides," he added with a playful grin, "how else am I going to learn why my car does what it does? My engineers would be proud of how much engineering I've absorbed just from listening to you study."
That evening, as they settled into their usual spot, Kimi watched Y/N dive straight into her studies despite the exhaustion of race day. Her dedication wasn't just about achieving good grades or winning races – it was about pursuing excellence in everything she did. And while he might joke about her being his inspiration, the truth was far deeper than any joke could convey.
Because in Y/N, Kimi saw what true passion looked like. It wasn't just about being fast on track or smart in class – it was about the relentless pursuit of understanding, the dedication to growth, and the courage to chase multiple dreams at once. Her drive pushed him to be better, to learn more, to dig deeper into his own craft.
"Hey," he said suddenly, making her look up from her books. "I know I tease a lot, but you really are an inspiration. Not just to me, I know so many others out there that really look up to you."
Y/N's face softened into a smile. "And you're the best study buddy a racing driver could ask for."
"Even though I still don't understand half of what you're studying?"
"Especially because of that," she laughed. "Your confused face keeps me entertained during the boring parts."
As they settled back into their comfortable routine – Y/N with her studies, Kimi with his race notes – he couldn't help but smile. Some might find it strange that a Formula 1 driver chose to spend his free time watching his friend study engineering, but to Kimi, these quiet moments were as valuable as any time spent on track.
Because it was in these moments that he was reminded of what real dedication looked like, what true passion meant, and how the pursuit of excellence in one area could inspire growth in another. Y/N might joke about him being her study buddy, but in truth, she was teaching him something far more valuable than engineering principles – she was showing him what it meant to never stop pushing, learning, and growing.
And that, more than any podium or pole position, was why his admiration for her only grew stronger with each passing day.
The Mercedes garage buzzed with pre-qualifying preparations, but Kimi's eyes were fixed on his phone screen, watching Y/N's F1 Academy race. He was supposed to be reviewing track data, but he couldn't help himself – her racing style had always captivated him.
"Antonelli!" Ollie Bearman's voice cut through his concentration as his friend poked his head into the Mercedes garage, Haas race suit tied around his waist. "Let me guess – watching Y/N's race?"
Kimi didn't even bother hiding his phone. "She's in P2, fighting for the lead."
"When are you going to admit you're in love with her?" Ollie teased, settling beside him to watch.
"I'm not—" Kimi started to protest, but his words were cut short as Y/N executed a perfect overtake into Turn 1. His involuntary smile said more than any denial could.
"Sure, sure," Ollie laughed. "You've only been like this since our Prema days. 'Y/N's so dedicated,'" he mimicked. "'She's so inspiring. Did you know she got another perfect score?'"
Kimi felt his cheeks warm. "She's my friend."
"A friend you can't take your eyes off of," Ollie pointed out. "A friend whose races you watch while you should be prepping for quali. A friend who—"
"She's through! She's won!" Kimi interrupted, jumping slightly in his seat as Y/N crossed the finish line. Without thinking, he immediately opened his messages.
Kimi: Incredible drive! That move into T1 was pure class. Good luck with studying later - FaceTime after quali? Need to hear all about that overtake 👊
Her reply came quickly:
Y/N: Thanks Kimi! 🏆 Those racing lines finally making sense 😂 Absolutely yes to FaceTime - I'll be watching your quali! Show them how it's done ❤️
The heart emoji made his own heart skip a beat, though he tried to ignore it. His phone buzzed again:
Ollie: I saw that smile when she texted back. You're not fooling anyone 😏
Kimi rolled his eyes, but couldn't completely suppress his grin. His race engineer called him for the final quali briefing, and he forced himself to focus on the task at hand. Yet as he slipped into his race suit, he found himself thinking about how Y/N would be watching.
The qualifying session was intense, but knowing Y/N was watching somehow made him push even harder. As he crossed the line to secure P3 in Q3, he could almost hear her cheering.
The moment he parked in parc fermé, he was pulling out his phone, FaceTiming Y/N while walking to his media obligations.
Her face appeared on screen, beaming with pride. "P3! Kimi, that last sector was incredible!"
"Not as incredible as your overtake earlier," he replied, unable to stop smiling. She was sitting at her desk, engineering textbooks already spread out around her, hair still damp from her own podium celebration.
"Are you seriously doing this interview while FaceTiming?" she laughed as he positioned himself for the post-quali interviews.
"You're more important," he said without thinking, then quickly added, "Besides, you can help me with the technical questions about car balance."
A Sky Sports reporter approached, amused to find him on FaceTime. "Kimi, fantastic qualifying! Who are you talking to?"
"Y/N L/N," he answered proudly, turning his phone to show her. "She just won her F1 Academy race today."
"Kimi!" Y/N protested, embarrassed by the attention, but he could see her trying not to smile.
The reporter, well aware of their friendship, played along. "Any advice for him, Y/N?"
"Remember what I taught you about apex speeds," she teased. "It's just like solving differential equations – all about finding the optimal solution."
Kimi laughed, his expression softening in a way that made Ollie, watching from nearby, shaking his head knowingly. "Always the engineer, even on race day."
As he moved through his media obligations, he kept Y/N on the call, their easy banter and shared joy making the tedious process enjoyable. She occasionally chimed in with technical insights that actually impressed the journalists, making Kimi's chest swell with pride.
"You should be studying," he finally said, once he was heading back to the team motorhome.
"I am studying," she protested, holding up her thermodynamics textbook. "I'm just also watching my favorite Mercedes driver crush it in quali."
"I'm the only Mercedes driver you know personally," he pointed out.
"Still my favorite," she winked, and Kimi felt that familiar warmth spread through his chest.
Maybe Ollie was right. Maybe these feelings went beyond admiration and friendship. Maybe the way his day felt brighter when she smiled, the way he looked forward to their study sessions, the way he felt proud of her achievements as if they were his own – maybe it all meant something more.
But for now, he was content to walk through the paddock, phone in hand, listening to Y/N explain her winning overtake while flipping through engineering notes. In that moment, with hundreds of miles between them but their connection as strong as ever, Kimi realized that some feelings didn't need to be admitted out loud to be real.
"Hey," Y/N's voice softened. "You went quiet. What are you thinking about?"
Kimi smiled, watching her juggle her textbook while trying to maintain eye contact through the camera. "Just thinking about how lucky I am to have you in my corner, even when we're racing so far apart."
Her expression melted into something tender that made his heart race faster than any qualifying lap. "Always, Kimi. We're a team, remember? Even when we're not teammates anymore."
And if Ollie happened to catch him later that night, still on FaceTime with Y/N as she studied and he reviewed race data, both of them fighting sleep just to stay connected a little longer – well, maybe his friend wasn't completely wrong about those feelings after all.
The F1 social media landscape exploded one Tuesday morning when Prema Racing announced their 2025 Formula 2 lineup. Among the names was Y/N L/N, making history as she stepped up from F1 Academy after a dominant season.
Within minutes, Kimi's notification feed was flooded as fans tagged him in the announcement. He didn't hesitate to share his excitement:
@KimiAntonelli: From studying engineering between races to fighting for the F2 championship - this is what dedication looks like! So proud of you @YN_LN! Time to show F2 what you're made of! 🏎️📚
The tweet quickly went viral, but it wasn't just the announcement that caught fans' attention. Within hours, racing fan accounts began sharing compilation videos:
"KIMI AND Y/N: FROM PREMA TO F1/F2 🥺❤️ (a thread)"
The first video showed them as young teenagers at Prema, Kimi helping Y/N carry her textbooks to the engineering room while she explained race strategy concepts. Another clip featured their podium celebrations, where they'd always find each other first for a congratulatory hug.
@F1Moments: "The way Kimi BEAMS when talking about Y/N's achievements? We're not okay 😭❤️"
The clip showed various interviews where Kimi praised Y/N:
"She's not just fast on track, she understands these cars like an engineer..."
"While we're all focused on racing, she's getting perfect grades in mechanical engineering..."
"Y/N shows that with enough passion, you can excel at anything..."
@MotorsportEdits had created a masterpiece: a split-screen montage of their parallel journeys. On one side, Kimi's rise through the ranks to Mercedes F1; on the other, Y/N dominating F1 Academy while pursuing her degree. The video ended with their recent FaceTime sessions during Kimi’s post-quali interview, Kimi turning his phone to face the Sky Sports camera.
#KimiAndYN started trending on racing Twitter.
@RacingNews: "Remember when Kimi brought his phone to post-quali interviews just to stay on FaceTime with Y/N? 🥺"
@F1Academy: "From study buddies to racing's power duo! Congratulations to our champion @YN_LN on her promotion to F2!"
Quote tweeted by @MercedesAMGF1: "Our boy @KimiAntonelli's biggest cheerleader is moving up to F2! 🙌 #KimiAndYN"
The social media storm reached new heights when an old video surfaced from their Prema days:
"Can someone please explain the physics behind this overtake?" Kimi asked in the clip, while Y/N drew diagrams and equations on a whiteboard, both still in their race suits.
"Every time I explain physics, you somehow turn it into a racing question," Y/N laughed in the video.
"Because you make it make sense!" young Kimi protested.
@PremaRacing decided to join the fun, sharing a collection of photos: "Buona fortuna e buon viaggio! #KimiAndYN"
The photos showed their journey: studying together between practice sessions, celebrating podiums, Kimi and Y/N's high school graduation, Y/N watching Kimi's first F1 test from the pitwall while highlighting her engineering notes.
Ollie couldn't resist commenting:
@OllieBearman: "If I had a euro for every time @KimiAntonelli talked about @YN_LN during our Prema days, I'd be richer than Lewis Hamilton 😂"
Y/N finally responded to the chaos with a photo of her and Kimi from their Prema days, both asleep in the engineering room, textbooks and data sheets scattered around them:
@YN_LN: "Some things never change ❤️ Thanks for always believing in me @KimiAntonelli! 📚🏎️"
Kimi's heart skipped when he saw her post. He was in the Mercedes simulator when his phone exploded with notifications, but he immediately took a break to respond:
@KimiAntonelli: "From helping me understand physics to making history in motorsport. Proud doesn't even begin to cover it. Can't wait to share the paddock with you again ❤️"
Later that evening, during their regular FaceTime call, Y/N couldn't stop laughing about the social media storm.
"Have you seen the edits? They found clips I didn't even know existed!"
Kimi grinned, watching her sort through her F2 contract papers while simultaneously organizing her study materials. "My favorite is the compilation of every time I've talked about you in interviews. Apparently, I'm not subtle."
"When have you ever been?" she teased. "Remember when you brought me up during your first F1 press conference?"
"Because they asked about inspiration! And you're..." he paused, his expression softening, "you're the most inspiring person I know."
Y/N's cheeks turned pink. "Keep saying things like that and these fans might get ideas."
"Let them," Kimi said softly, watching her juggle her racing dreams and academic pursuits with the same grace she'd always had. "They're not entirely wrong."
The hashtag #KimiAndYN continued trending well into the night, with fans sharing more memories, creating new edits, and celebrating their journey. But for Kimi and Y/N, it was just another evening of FaceTime study sessions and race discussions, their bond stronger than any trending topic could capture.
@F1Community: "Find someone who looks at you the way Kimi looks at Y/N when she's explaining engineering concepts 😍 #KimiAndYN"
Attached was a recent photo from the paddock: Kimi leaning over Y/N's laptop, completely absorbed as she explained some complex engineering principle, his expression a perfect blend of admiration, affection, and awe.
Some things really never did change.
The Italian summer sun painted long shadows across the Antonelli family's garden as Kimi watched Y/N from the kitchen window. She was curled up in her favorite spot on the outdoor sofa, engineering textbook balanced on her knees, hair gathered in a claw clip. Even on break, some things never changed.
Last summer had been at her family's house – he smiled remembering how her mom had fussed over both of them, making sure they took actual breaks from racing and studying. This year, it was his family's turn to host, and his mother was equally determined to fatten them both up with endless servings of homemade pasta.
"She's still studying?" his mother asked in Italian, appearing beside him with fresh bread for dinner.
"Always," Kimi replied fondly. "But watch this."
He grabbed two glasses of fresh lemonade and headed out to the garden. The moment he sat beside her, Y/N automatically shifted, making space while never taking her eyes off her thermodynamics equations. It was a practiced movement, born from countless study sessions across years of friendship.
"Mum's making that pasta you love," he said, setting her lemonade within reach.
"The one with the pistachio pesto?" Y/N looked up, eyes brightening.
"Of course. She says you're too skinny from all this studying."
Y/N laughed, finally closing her book. "Between your mom and mine, we're never going to go hungry during these summer breaks."
It had become their tradition, these shared summers. Between the chaos of the racing season and now Y/N's university schedule, these precious weeks were their chance to just... be. No pressure, no cameras, no podiums to chase – just them, family, and the Italian summer stretching endlessly ahead.
"Remember last summer when your dad tried to teach me proper Italian, Tuscan?" Kimi asked, settling deeper into the sofa.
"And you kept mixing up your words?" Y/N grinned. "And the look on his face…"
"Hey, I've improved! Besides, you're one to talk – you still use engineering terms in Italian."
"That's different! Those are technical terms!"
Their laughter mingled with the sound of cicadas and the distant clatter of dishes from the kitchen. Y/N's textbook lay forgotten as she tucked her feet under herself, turning to face him fully.
"I love this," she said softly. "How even with everything changing – you in F1, me heading to F2, all the craziness – we still have this."
Kimi's heart warmed at her words. He knew what she meant. These moments were precious: the quiet afternoons studying, the family dinners where their parents swapped embarrassing stories about their karting days, the late-night gelato runs in his dad's old Fiat.
"You know," he said, watching the sunset paint her face in golden hues, "I was thinking about our first summer together, back in Prema. Remember how you made me help you study for physics?"
"You mean how you used every physics problem as an excuse to analyze race strategy?" she teased.
"It worked, didn't it? I understood downforce better after your explanations."
Y/N smiled, reaching for her lemonade. "And now look at us. You're living our F1 dream early, and I'm..."
"Being absolutely incredible," he finished firmly. "Racing, engineering degree, and still finding time to spend summers with me and my crazy family."
"Your family is my family too, you know that. Plus," she added with a mischievous grin, "your mum's cooking alone is worth the trip."
As if on cue, his mother's voice called from the kitchen: "Bambini! Dinner!"
They shared a look – they were hardly children anymore, but to their families, they'd always be those two kids from Prema, dreaming big dreams between study sessions.
"Five more minutes!" Kimi called back, not ready to break this moment.
Y/N leaned her head against his shoulder, a gesture so natural it made his heart ache with familiarity. "Your mom's going to come get us out here if we're late."
"Worth it," he murmured, watching the last rays of sunlight fade. "Besides, you need a break from studying."
"Says the one who spent three hours analyzing race data this morning."
"That's different!"
"How?"
"Because..." he paused, smiling. "Okay, maybe we're both workaholics."
"Maybe that's why this works," Y/N said softly. "We understand each other's drive."
The garden was growing darker, fairy lights automatically twinkling to life along the pergola. From the kitchen came the warm sounds of family life – his mother singing along to the radio, his father setting the table, the rich aroma of dinner wafting through the air.
"Ragazzi!" his mother called again, more insistent this time.
Y/N laughed, standing and offering him her hand. "Come on, before we get in trouble."
Kimi took her hand, but didn't immediately get up, just holding it for a moment. "Thanks for choosing to spend summer here again."
"Always," she squeezed his hand. "Where else would I want to be?"
As they walked toward the house, Y/N's textbook tucked under one arm and their empty glasses in hand, Kimi felt that familiar surge of gratitude. For all their success on track, for all their dreams coming true, it was these moments he treasured most – the quiet evenings, the shared laughter, the simple joy of having her here, making his family home feel even more like home.
"Race you to the table?" Y/N challenged, eyes sparkling.
"You're on, F2 driver," he grinned, both of them breaking into a run like they were kids again.
Some things changed – their racing categories, their achievements, their growing dreams. But this – their summers together, their understanding, their connection – this remained constant, as reliable as the Italian sun and as sweet as his mother's lemonade.
And as they collapsed into their seats at the dinner table, breathless with laughter while his parents fondly shook their heads, Kimi couldn't help but think that of all their victories, all their podiums and poles, this might be his favorite kind of winning.
"And crossing the line to take pole position in, Y/N L/N with a stunning lap!"
Kimi's celebration in the Mercedes garage was immediate and enthusiastic enough to draw knowing looks from his entire team. He was supposed to be preparing for his own qualifying session, but his eyes had been glued to the timing screens.
His phone was already in his hand: Kimi: POLE POSITION!! That sector 2 was absolutely insane! Call later? 🏆✨
Her reply came seconds later: Y/N: Learned from the best 😉 Good luck in quali! I'll be watching between engineering lectures ❤️
"Antonelli!" George Russell called out, grinning as he passed by. "Tell your girlfriend congratulations on pole!"
"She's not my—" Kimi started, but George was already walking away, laughing.
@GeorgeRussell63: Caught our rookie watching F2 quali instead of prep 👀 Wonder why? 😏 @KimiAntonelli @YN_LN #Busted
The tweet immediately went viral, with fans cooing over Kimi's obvious pride in Y/N's achievement. The F1 paddock's collective teasing had become relentless since summer break ended.
Later that evening, after both their sessions were done, Kimi settled into his hotel room for their nightly FaceTime call. Y/N appeared on screen, trophy visible in the background, textbooks already spread around her.
"There's my pole-sitter," he beamed.
"There's my Q3 hero," she countered. "P4! Kimi, that was incredible!"
"Thanks to your tip about the kerbs in turn 9—"
A notification interrupted them: @LandoNorris: @KimiAntonelli mate your face literally lights up every time you talk about @YN_LN 😭 Remember when you made us all watch her F1 Academy race during the drivers' briefing?
Y/N burst out laughing. "You did what?"
Kimi's cheeks reddened. "It was an important race! And they all wanted to watch anyway..."
Another notification: @OscarPiastri: Can confirm. He gives us daily updates about both her racing AND her engineering degree 😂 #Whipped
"The whole grid is against me," Kimi groaned, but he was smiling.
"At least Ollie has backup now," Y/N teased, adjusting her laptop so she could better see him while highlighting her thermodynamics notes.
"Speaking of Ollie—" Kimi started, but was cut off by yet another notification.
@OllieBearman: Throwback to Prema days when these two would "study" together but really just stare at each other for hours 👀 #IveBeenSayingItForYears Attached was a photo of teenage Kimi and Y/N in the Prema engineering room, books open but clearly lost in conversation
"We did not stare at each other!" Kimi protested.
"No, you just watch me study every single day," Y/N smirked.
The notifications kept coming:
@CharlesLeclerc: Remember when @KimiAntonelli asked for restaurant recommendations in every city because he wanted to "surprise a friend" during race weekends? 🤔
@CarlosSainz: The friend: @YN_LN 😂
"You asked Charles for restaurant recommendations?" Y/N's expression softened.
"I wanted to make sure you had good places to eat during race weekends," Kimi mumbled. "You forget to eat when you're studying..."
@MaxVerstappen: Called it! Pay up @SChecoPerez - told you he'd watch her quali instead of prep 💰
@SChecoPerez: Next time hide your phone better @KimiAntonelli 😂
Y/N was fully laughing now. "You've got a betting pool on us?"
"The whole paddock apparently," Kimi sighed, but couldn't help smiling at her joy.
@AlexAlbon: POV: You're trying to discuss race strategy but @KimiAntonelli is texting @YN_LN Attached was a video of Kimi smiling at his phone during a strategy meeting
"I'm never going to hear the end of this," Kimi groaned.
"Poor baby," Y/N teased, then her expression turned more serious. "Hey, did you see the analysis I sent about your sector 3? I think if you adjust the entry angle—"
Kimi's heart swelled as she launched into a detailed technical explanation, seamlessly switching between race engineer and student mode. Even with an ocean between them, she was still looking out for him.
@LewisHamilton: Y'all leave them alone - it's sweet 🙌 Some of us remember what it's like to be young and in... racing 😉 @KimiAntonelli @YN_LN
Their phones buzzed simultaneously with a message from Ollie: Group chat "Prema Days" Ollie: LEWIS KNOWS 😭 Even the 7-time champ sees it! Just kiss already!
Y/N rolled her eyes, but Kimi caught the slight blush on her cheeks. "We should probably study," she said, clearly trying to change the subject.
"Of course," Kimi agreed, already pulling out his own notes. "But first - that move into turn 1 for pole? Walk me through it?"
Her face lit up as she began explaining the technical aspects of her qualifying lap, and Kimi found himself smiling softly, completely absorbed in her enthusiasm. In the background, their phones kept buzzing with notifications, the entire F1 grid apparently determined to point out what everyone else could see.
@ValtteriBottas: Taking bets on how long until they officially announce... their "friendship" 😏
@MercedesAMGF1: The way @KimiAntonelli watches all her races from our garage when we're at different tracks 🥺
@ZhouGuanyu24: Don't forget how he explains her engineering projects to us during track walks! Never seen someone so proud 😂
But for Kimi and Y/N, wrapped up in their own little world of race analysis and study sessions, the teasing was just background noise. Their connection, whether across the paddock or across continents, remained as strong as ever – even if the entire F1 grid seemed determined to turn it into the paddock's favorite love story.
"Hey," Y/N said softly, interrupting his thoughts. "Earth to Kimi?"
"Sorry, just thinking."
"About how the entire F1 grid is never gonna let up on you?" she teased.
"About how lucky I am to have you in my corner, even from far away."
Her expression melted into something tender that made all the paddock's teasing worth it. "Always, Kimi. Distance doesn't change that."
@OllieBearman: I've been watching this romcom live since Prema and let me tell you, it only gets better 🍿 #KimiAndYN
This time, neither of them bothered to protest.
The blue light of the laptop screen illuminated Y/N's face as she finished highlighting another passage in her thermodynamics textbook. A soft snore made her look up at her phone propped against the desk lamp - Kimi had dozed off during their FaceTime call, his face peaceful in sleep. The sight brought an involuntary smile to her face.
It was typical of their study sessions these days. Between his F1 schedule and her F1 Academy races, late-night calls were often the only time they could catch up. He'd insist on keeping her company while she studied, claiming he was reviewing race data, but more often than not he'd fall asleep to the sound of her pen scratching against paper.
She closed her textbook quietly, though she knew the sound wouldn't wake him - he could sleep through anything after a long day at the track. As she started her bedtime routine, her mind wandered over their relationship, this comfortable space they'd carved out for themselves between friendship and something more.
The paddock gossip was relentless these days. Every shared smile, every supportive tweet, every time he watched her races from the Mercedes garage - it all became fodder for speculation. Even Ollie, who'd known them since their Prema days, wouldn't let up with his knowing looks.
Standing at her bathroom sink, Y/N caught her own reflection smiling at the memory of Kimi's proud face when she'd explained a particularly complex engineering concept earlier. He'd leaned closer to his camera, completely absorbed, that familiar warmth in his eyes that made her heart skip a beat.
The truth was, she knew how she felt about him. It was there in the way her day felt brighter when his name lit up her phone, in how naturally they'd gravitated toward each other since their junior racing days, in the comfortable silence of their study sessions. But timing was everything in racing - they both knew that better than most.
They were both chasing their dreams at full speed. He was making his mark in F1, living up to the immense expectations placed on Mercedes' youngest driver. She was balancing her engineering degree with her F1 Academy campaign, working toward her own F1 dreams. Adding another variable to that equation felt risky.
Climbing into bed, Y/N glanced one last time at her phone. Kimi had shifted slightly, his features soft in sleep, Mercedes team jacket still on. They had something special - something that had grown organically from shared ambitions and mutual understanding. Maybe that was enough for now.
Racing taught you patience, after all. Sometimes the best moves weren't the boldest ones, but the ones you waited for, setting them up carefully until the moment was just right. For now, she was content with their late-night study sessions, his proud smiles after her wins, the way he'd listen intently to her engineering explanations even when he was exhausted.
"Goodnight, Kimi," she whispered, ending the call. Whatever they were, whatever they might become, it was worth protecting. Some things didn't need to be rushed.
Her phone buzzed with a text from him, sent automatically when their call disconnected: Sweet dreams, engineer. Proud of you always. ❤️
Yeah, Y/N thought, settling into sleep with a smile. They were just fine exactly as they were.
here are some of the tags: @floweringanna, @hiraethberry, @holendernik, @oooom4arie, @burnhampeaches, @dying-inside-but-its-classy
let me know if you want to be added to the list :))
#fanfic#formula 1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 fic#kimi antonelli fan fic#kimi antonelli fic#kimi antonelli#f1#formula one#formula 1#x reader#x yn#x you#mercedes#prema racing#andrea kimi antonelli#formula 2#ka12
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LANDO AS YOUR BOYFRIEND
note : been away for a while but i'm back guys !! (i needed a little break from writing). I also change a bit my posts' style/aesthetic !! anyways, so happy to be back again and can't wait to give you all new writings 🧡
he's hopelessly in love with you. of course this boy is so head over heels for you. his heart only wants you and you can be sure you're all safe in it because there's is no other person in his mind. he thinks about you all the time, rambles about you to everyone, always smiles when he sees you. he definitely looks at you with heart-eyes and he's never afraid to make it obvious he's so into you. he makes sure he tells you everyday how much he loves you, and how life would mean nothing without you. this boy is so obsessed with you that sometimes he refuses to let you go, even for a minute. he just wants to show his love for you, and that in every way possible.
he always sends good morning/night texts. when he's not home, he always sends you cute texts in the morning. he asks if you slept well, what's your plans for the day and of course lots of red hearts and a "love u baby". it's a way to keep an eye on you and care about you even though he's not here. and also the big and bright smile he wears when he sees your message. he sometimes asks for a pic of you, because he wants to start the day with the pretty face of his girl in his mind. and of course he also sends you good night texts. he asks about your day before leaving you with some cheesy lines he texted you. he knows you'll laugh when you'll read them and just thinking about that makes him smile like an idiot who is totally in love.
he loves matching outfits. this man can pull out either amazing outfits or so random outfits. but he for sure dresses well when his outfit matches yours. he loves when you ask him to match your clothes because it shows everyone you guys are a thing. that you two belongs to each other. and he also admires your sense of style. he thinks everything suits you, and you look great in literally anything. he's always so happy to help you choose your outfit for the day. but not more than when you're wearing the same thing. so when you two are dressed up, he'd take a picture and then post it on his story, just to show the world he got the best stylist and of course the best girlfriend.
he's so devoted to you. so sooo dedicated to you. this boy is already hopelessly in love with you but the way he's devoted to you is insane. he never ever thinks or thought about any girl before. always you. it's just you in his mind and heart. he's so loyal to you and you know it because he doesn't wait a second to refuses girl's advances and tell them he already got the girl of his dreams. he's so happy with you, he feels so good with you. you even became his home. his safe person. he's so loving that he swears everyday he'll love you better than the day before. you're the only one he loves, wants and needs. that's why he constantly wants to be with you, near you. he would do literally anything for you. because it's you.
he sends you gifts when he's away. like good morning texts, one of his way to show you his love and affection is to send you gifts when he's not home. it can be very expensive or handmade gifts (tho i'm not sure about this talent), also big flowers bouquets. it depends, but you always receive gifts from him. sometimes it's twice a week. he likes to spoil you even though you say to him he doesn't need to do that. but it makes him happy to send you those things and he'll never stops doing that. it's one of his favorite things. and of course he leaves a note on them, like cute stuff with hearts everywhere or even pictures of his face.
he makes you his first priority. you're so important to him. really important. you're his favorite person in the whole world, you're his world. as i said before he'd do anything for you and that's why he prioritizes you. throughout your relationship he placed you as his first priority in life and now he can't help but always choose you no matter what. of course you say to him that it can be sometimes toxic, that it's not really healthy to give up everything just for you and he knows it. of course he tries to balance between you and other things. but still you remains as his first priority because he doesn't want to lose you. he doesn't want to leave you because he feels so so good with you. so be ready to always be his first choice.
he writes down every little things about you. this one's cute. when he was crushing hard on you he remembered every single detail about you and what you like. and he still does it now that you're together. he writes down on a paper every things you mention. things you like, favorite musics, places you want to travel to. literally everything and anything. it's his job to know you and your preferences. because then he can gives you what you want, he can ever be a better boyfriend. he also melts when he sees your face light when he'd mention about your things. it's adorable the way you look so surprised and genuinely happy to know he remembers these things. you're so interesting to him, he could listen to you every all day long without getting bored.
he's such a needy and clingy boyfriend. oh this one. this papaya boy is so clingy. and so needy. people think you're the clingy one in the relationship but that's bullshit. lando is literally a boyfriend who constantly needs his girlfriend's attention. every single minutes. seconds even. if you don't give him some cuddles or kisses he's already pouting. he grabs your waist from nowhere and the second later you're stuck under his body, his arms tightly around you. and his head in the crook of your neck while he soothes down in the scent of your fragrance. he's so needy, he always and always asks for more cuddles, more kisses, more hugs. he barely can let you go for a second, he needs to touch you and feels you. it comforts him so much. and you don't complain because either you can't get enough of his affection.
he can get jealous over little things. lando can get easily jealous sometimes. it's not really toxic or unhealthy, it's actually kinda cute. when he gets jealous it's more likely to joke, even though there's still some serious jealousy of course. but it's just for fun. like if he sees you too close to a man, or laughing to much with an other driver, he's more likely to get jealous and then pout until you give him all your attention. he can't help him, he wants you all for himself. you're his girl and you belongs to him just as he belongs to you. he also doesn't like when men look at you longingly, because he knows you're such a perfect girl that a lot of people want. it's one of the reason he'll always keep chasing after you. but other than that, his jealousy is just cute itself. just a poor boy who wants his girl.
he can't say no to you. you mean everything to him so obviously he can not say no to you. when you ask him something he already knows his answer will be yes and nothing else. especially when you have puppy eyes, it's impossible to not say yes to you. you're just too adorable like that. he feels bad every times he says no and that's why he refuses to say it again. because after all you have the privilege of being the only person who make him so soft. when i say he's ready to accept anything for you it's just the pure truth. you're the prettiest to his eyes, the perfect girl, the most precious person ever in his life, mind, and heart.
#f1 imagine#f1 x reader#f1 fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris imagine#lando norris x y/n#lando norris x you#ln4 imagine#lando norris fluff#ln4 x reader
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So it's come to my attention a little birdy @judegossip has been lying about shit on here. I'm honestly ok with most gossip account everyone is on their own thing, it's cool, but this girl in particular is a fucking mess.
First off I make a post saying y'all need to be careful with what you're posting on here because rightfully so, football player teams look on social media(especially Jude. This isn't an opinion or a guess it's a fucking fact) to see what bullshit y'all say to damage his reputation and what not, And not even a few hours later she makes a post saying Toby messaged her.
BUT ACTUALLY HE DIDN'T! She got someone else to message her and make it seem like it was Toby
Don't read any further if you don't like gossip. You've been warned!
The account (who I have no problems with btw) made up a fake story at her request and she proceeded to post acting as if Toby was the one who sent that shit to her ass
Not only is she deranged but she's also clearly lying and her anons are obviously making fanfictions against Jude. Now I want to tell you, as someone who has had a gossip account before I know for a fact you can send anons to yourself through desktop. And people lie because it's easy. Not only is she trying to make it out as if Jude is gay she also keeps making claims Jude has had a 3some with Toby and she has a picture of said 3some taking place. And Jude is some shitty ex boyfriend because "someone close to Jude" came to Tumblr and told you.(I've heard that one before too lol)
My momma didn't raise a fucking fool. As I stated people make stuff up and I have once or twice lied about knowing something or having something when I didn't for attention (stupid right? I know. I was young and dumb)
Also her talking about toby potential nose job why do you gaf exactly? She clearly has some weird beef with Toby for no fucking reason at all. Here she is continuing to feed into this shit, lying to her anons as if she wasn't the one making this up
She's homophobic and also she's a zonist apparently (the account who messaged me has proof of that). I doubt this woman is a real jude fan the way she talks about this man and his family and friends.
Now idgaf if her or her little minions come at me( nothing you say will hurt my feelings. Everything is funny to me) but I refuse to sit here and let someone do this shit. Not only is it deranged but clearly she's a serial attention seeker who ego is driven by people anonymous messaging her. I don't know if you're a fucking child or something but you need help babe and I hope you get it because you need that shit
I don't want to be a gossip account so I won't answer too many anons on this. Instead I'll answer something via tags or message me and I'll explain. I will also not be tagging any post after this unless necessary to do so. The tags are supposed to be a fun place, not a shitty one. (also I don't care if you share this anywhere else other than Tumblr)
#jude bellingham#jude bellingham x reader#england nt#jude gossip#jobe bellingham#real madrid#england national team
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This is a fandom thing
AITA for accusing that publicly someone of intentionally posting their fics whenever I posted?
For context, I am autistic and write some fics that I post on AO3. But I ended up deleting my account there because some people started leaving me pornographic comments on the fics. All those comments were deleted along with the stories.
I will get to the main story now. I posted fics for a ship that I liked, but I also noticed that the fics barely got any views. So I decided to check the tags and see that someone else had also posted something which pushed my fics down from being the top post. I thought it was no big deal at first.
The second time I posted a fic for the ship, the same person also posts something around the same time. Once again, their fic pushed mine down from being on the top. And from what I saw, they got twice as many viewer interactions as I did. I thought that maybe it was just a coincidence that they posted when I did.
But then it happened a third time, then a fourth time, then a fifth time. Every time I posted for that ship, they posted something for that ship. I spoke to some friends about it and they said that they did not think it was just a coincidence. They were sure that this person was doing it with malicious intent.
Why would they think that you may ask? Because before I started posting my fics, I had said that I did not think it was fair that the ship had more fics for the male version of the mc than for the female version of the mc and that we could band together and post more fics for her. And then that person had made a since deleted post about how "female [character name] stans are the most annoying and obnoxious people in existence. All they do is boo hoo and whine when they don't get their content. If they are so upset, then those dumbasses should make the content themselves."
I decided to message this person because I saw that they had a tumblr account, and they just ignored all my messages. I ended up joining a discord servers they were in and I messaged them about how they kept posting fics when I did. They ignored my dms but were active in the servers. Since they kept ignoring me, I called them out in the server. Only then did they respond to me. They told me that it was just a coincidence and that I was just being overly sensitive. The other members in the server got on their side and called me rude and unprofessional for not keeping it in dms. I told them that I tried to but I kept getting ignored. The other members told me not to take the fic posting thing seriously and that it was no big deal and that I should just drop it instead of being upset.
I kept quiet after that and went back to posting fics for the ship, but the same person continued to post whenever I did. I pointed it out to the rest of the server and they called me an asshole for bringing it up again. So I just deleted everything on ao3 and left all the servers. I feel like giving up on writing now. It sucks because that was something I loved doing, but this experience has soured it for me.
So AITA for accusing that publicly someone of intentionally posting their fics whenever I posted?
What are these acronyms?
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Craving You
(re-posting from my old account seulrinnie-rinrin/xomakara-secondary)
SUMMARY | When you accidently send a nude of yourself to Jongho, he can't help but look and start to crave you. The only thing standing in his way: your friendship.
PAIRING | Jongho/Reader
GENRE | non-idol!Jongho, friends to lovers trope, smut with no plot, protected sex (wrap it up everyone!), fingering, vaginal sex,
RATING | Mature
LENGTH | 5066 words
AUTHOR’S NOTE | I’m such a sucker for the Friends to Lovers Trope lolol.
Jongho didn't mean to look.
But that picture you sent him was just so… You were looking at the camera like you'd never seen it before. Your cheeks were flushed and your skin was glowing in the light, as if it had never been more alive. And the fact that your fingers were grazing the top of your panties…
If that wasn't enough to turn any man's head, then nothing ever would be. He hadn't meant for this to happen—hadn't even intended on seeing it when he took a quick glance at his phone while checking his messages—but there it was, staring back at him, tempting him, teasing him with those dark eyes, and suddenly, he couldn't help but want it.
More than anything, Jongho wanted to see your body moving beneath him. Wanted to know what color you tasted like. What it felt like to touch every inch of you, slowly working his way down from your lips until he found himself between your legs. Then, after giving you everything he had to give, he would do whatever it took to make sure that you never forgot this moment, no matter how hard you tried to push it away.
Forbidden, because you're both supposed to be friends, and also because he should never want to take something that doesn't belong to him. But when he realizes that all of these things are exactly why he wants you so much, it becomes impossible to deny his true feelings for you.
He dropped his phone on the bed beside him and leaned against the headboard, trying desperately to think of something else besides the thought of running his tongue over the hot spot where your clit sat, letting his teeth gently graze its sensitive edges. If he could just get some sleep, maybe by morning, the desire would be gone. Or at least, the temptation. But the second he closed his eyes, all he could see was you: face flushed, thighs spread, red lips parted as he licked his way up from your clit to your mouth. All he could hear was your moans as he pushed his fingers inside of you, pumping them deep into your pussy and moaning as he watched your muscles tighten around them. All he could feel was the warmth radiating off of your naked body as he buried his face between your breasts, inhaling your scent until he had finally made you cum.
This was wrong, so very, very wrong. So, so, wrong. It wouldn't be right for either one of you.
His phone vibrated and he saw a text message from you come through, and though he really shouldn't read it, Jongho had a feeling that if he ignored it, it might not go away. Not that he knew what he would say anyway; all he knew was that he needed to talk to you about this, and he needed to do it now.
So he picked up his phone again and opened the message:
You: OMG Jongho! That picture wasn't meant for you! I swear, I totally meant to send it to Yunho. Please delete?!
His jaw clenched and he closed his eyes tightly. Of course you would have sent it to Yunho. Why wouldn't you? After all, the two of you were hooking up with each other. You told Jongho that it was no strings attached relationship, that Yunho just wanted to be friends with benefits.
But Jongho knew you. He knew that you were crushing on Yunho and had been for a long time. He also knew that the two of you didn't just hook up once or twice. No, you had hooked up a lot. Way more times than he cared to count. The two of you might have been dating, for all Jongho cared. You were lying to yourself if you believed otherwise.
Not that he was mad. Well, actually, yes, he was mad. But not at you. Mostly at himself for getting sucked into this. For allowing himself to fall for someone who had been nothing but his friends for years. But he was tired of fighting this attraction. Tired of pretending that it didn't exist. So, he turned off his phone and tossed it across the room, cursing silently as it hit the wall and bounced onto the floor.
Tomorrow, he decided, he would just ignore it. Ignore you. See if that helped. He hated to admit it, but his feelings for you weren't going anywhere anytime soon. They were there in the pit of his stomach every time you smiled at him, the blush rising in your cheeks whenever he looked at you too long, the way your voice trailed off when he asked you questions, and the small sparkle in your eyes whenever you looked at him like he was the best thing that had ever happened to you. He liked being close to you.
He sighed and picked up his phone, opening his messages and typing out a quick response:
Jongho: Out of sight and out of mind. I deleted it. Don't worry about it.
Then, he turned his phone off and put it back on the nightstand. He tried to fall asleep but the thought of you naked was already ingrained in his brain.
In your defense, you weren't entirely in your right mind when you sent Jongho that picture. You had meant to send it to Yunho but somehow managed to type in the wrong person's name, hitting send before you realized your mistake. It must have been the wine you drank earlier that day. Maybe it was the multiple glasses of wine that you had consumed throughout the night. Whatever the reason, by the time you figured out your error, the message was already sent. There was no taking it back.
And when you got Jongho's message saying that he deleted it, you felt a weight lift off of your shoulders. Just thinking about it made you sigh in relief, and when you woke up in the middle of the night with wet dreams about the two of you fucking, the guilt from sending that picture plagued you for hours.
"Ugh," you groaned, pulling the blankets over your head and ignoring the pounding in your head. "Just shut up."
Your head ached too much to care about your stupid hormones, so you rolled over and let yourself slip back into a restless slumber, hoping that when you woke up tomorrow, you would be able to forget about what you had done last night. Unfortunately, the thought that was playing on repeat in your mind refused to leave you alone, and soon, you were tossing and turning restlessly as images of you and Jongho romping together filled your thoughts.
"Shit!" you swore loudly as you sat up in bed, throwing your pillow to the ground. How could you think of your best friend in that way? You never had thoughts of Jongho that way before. Sure, you enjoyed hanging out with him, and there were days when you wished you could crawl into his lap and spend hours listening to him tell you stories or sing. You enjoyed teasing him mercilessly and getting to witness the smile on his face when you succeeded. But sexual fantasies involving him? Those were completely new territory.
"What the fuck is wrong with me?" you cried, covering your face with your hands. God, you needed to get a grip. Maybe it's the alcohol. Yeah, it had to be the alcohol. Maybe you should call up Yunho and have him just fuck you senseless so that you forget about those fantasies of Jongho. Get it out of your system. Make yourself forget. Surely that would work. Right?
No, that wasn't going to work. Although it was an accident that you sent that nude, you couldn't help but think of what Jongho thought. Did he like it? Did he enjoy the view? Could he imagine what you looked like naked? Were his dreams filled with the two of you, pleasuring each other? Was he jerking off right now thinking about what it would be like to have your pussy wrapped around his-
Nononono. You needed to get a grip. You headed towards the shower, determined to rinse your body clean and pretend that last night never happened.
After a shower and exhausted beyond belief, you went about your day. You met up with the guys, wishing that Jongho wasn't there because you didn't want to crawl into an embarrassing hole. When they suggested that you have a few drinks with them, you gladly agreed, deciding to keep it casual. This was probably a good idea. A little drink here and there would probably take the edge off of those bad thoughts about your best friend.
"Something happened between you two?" Hongjoong asked as he looked over at you and Jongho. The both of you were sitting on opposite ends of the table, avoiding each other's gazes.
"Ya'll acting weird." Mingi muttered, leaning forward on the table. "The best friends aren't even sitting next to each other. Something happened, didn't it?"
"What happened?" San asked next to you, putting an arm around your shoulder. "Are you okay?"
You hesitated for a minute and let out a sigh, leaning to whisper in his ear. "I accidently sent Jongho a nude photo last night."
San froze for a second before dropping his hand from your shoulder and shaking his head in laughter. "No way. You're serious?"
You eyed Jongho, realizing that he got up to use the restroom. "I didn't mean to send it to him. I accidentally typed his name instead of Yunho's."
Hongjoong laughed softly, nodding his head. "Well, damn girl. I guess we know why he was looking so depressed today."
"Hush." You muttered, the rest of the table going into fits of laughter. You hid your face behind your hands, waiting for the laughing to die down before you explained the situation to everyone. When they finished laughing, you spoke. "Listen, this is just an unfortunate accident. He's already deleted it. We just need to get through this week, okay? I'm sure things will calm down after that."
"Yeah, don't worry," Wooyoung said, wiping tears from his eyes. "Things always get better after this."
They nodded their heads and when Jongho returned to the table, he just sat down and resumed talking with the others without acknowledging you.
You knew it would be okay by next week. You always had random fights with Jongho and it was usually resolved by next week. That's what friends did. They argued. They fought. Then, they made up and everything was fine again.
Why couldn't you just give him the benefit of the doubt this time?
Wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, Jongho leaned back in his chair as he watched you joke with the rest of the guys. Your hair was wet, curling slightly under the lights of the bar as you shook your head in amusement. He stared at you for a while, wondering what it would feel like to run his fingers through your hair. To kiss your forehead. To watch you sleep.
And then he snapped out of it.
Looking at you now, you appeared so happy and carefree, despite what had happened earlier. Jongho bit his lip as he stared at you, feeling his heart beat erratically against his chest. What the hell was happening to him? One minute, he had been angry at you and angry at himself for giving in to temptation and wanting you. Now, he couldn't stop staring at you and he didn't know how to act around you anymore.
"Are you going crazy?" Yunho asked him, as they both watched you in an animated conversation with Seonghwa and Yeosang.
"What?" Jongho blinked in surprise, having forgotten that Yunho was there. "No, I'm not going crazy."
"Sure you aren't." Yunho muttered. "Seeing any kind of nude of your best frien-"
"She was supposed to send it to you, you know?" Jongho cut in before his friend could say anything else. "She mixed up her names and sent it to me instead."
"It doesn't matter who she sent it to." Yunho shrugged his shoulders. "It's not like we're dating or anything. She could've sent it to anyone."
Wooyoung sighed. "Jongho, bro. Who cares who sent it to? Y/N isn't dating any of us. You ended up being the recipient. Things happen."
Hongjoong nodded, patting him on the back. "So who cares if you saw a nude picture of your best friend? Why does it bother you?"
"Because..." Jongho trailed off as he frowned, realizing that none of them really understood what he was going through. "I like her."
Hongjoong, Wooyoung and Yunho all exchanged glances before bursting into laughter.
"Well that changes everything." Hongjoong said, clapping his hands together. "So what are you gonna do?"
"About what?" Jongho shot him a confused glance, which caused the rest of them to burst into more laughter.
"Don't be dense," Yunho mumbled, holding his stomach as he wiped tears from his eyes. "Why don't you ask her out? Have a date with her? Show her how much you care?"
"I do care." Jongho replied softly. "A lot."
"But does she?" Wooyoung countered. "Does Y/N like you? Or does she only like you as a friend?"
Hongjoong slapped Wooyoung's arm. "Stop! Don't say that! We're trying to cheer Jongho up here, remember? Don't make it worse."
"Do you think I stand a chance?" Jongho whispered. "Will she actually agree to go out with me?"
Yunho smirked. "As long as you're willing to admit your feelings for her, I'm sure she'll agree to go out with you."
"Really?" Jongho asked hopefully.
Yunho gave him a nod. "I've seen how she looks at you. And hey, she talks about you all the time when we're together. Kind of made me jealous, if I'm being honest."
"I think I may have a shot." Jongho breathed out slowly, relieved.
"Go for it, man." Wooyoung added, smiling at him. "You deserve happiness. If Y/N makes you happy, you gotta grab it."
"We're rooting for you." Yunho smiled as he patted him on the back. "Remember, the worst thing that can happen is rejection."
Jongho nodded his head, understanding exactly what Yunho meant. While he desperately wanted Y/N to say yes, he also worried that she might turn him down. There was no way to prepare for such a thing, especially since they'd been best friends for so long. If Y/N turned him down, he'd hate himself for wanting her so badly, and he'd hate himself for doing something that would cause her pain.
No, he needed to stop worrying.
He glanced over at you again, watching you laugh with the rest of the group. Watching you made his heart flutter and the nerves that had settled in his stomach started to dissolve away. For some reason, seeing you smile and appear happy again made it easier for him to breathe.
Jongho took a deep breath and stood up, making his way over to where you were seated. Seeing you sitting with the rest of the guys, he wondered whether he should sit down or not. After what seemed like forever, Jongho took his seat across from you, his heart beating rapidly against his chest as he took in every detail about you, trying to memorize you.
"Jongho, you wouldn't believe this crazy story that Mingi was telling us." You exclaimed, taking a sip of your beer. "It sounds like something straight out of a soap opera."
"Oh yeah?" Jongho teased. "So, what's this ridiculous plot?"
"Hmm...well, basically..." Mingi began but Jongho drowned out his voice as he hesitantly reached for your hand. Taking your fingers in his own, he looked at you to see your reaction. After several seconds, you didn't pull away, allowing him to hold onto your hand. "The main character and the secondary characters meet and end up falling in love. It's full of drama and emotion and lots of crying and whining."
Jongho grinned, his entire body relaxing at the warmth radiating from your skin. "Is that how love stories normally go?"
"Pretty much." Mingi admitted. "I wish my love life could be like that though. No headaches or misunderstandings. Just love and happiness."
"Me too." Jongho breathed out, squeezing your hand gently.
Mingi, Yeosang, San, and Seonghwa couldn't help but notice the way Jongho was holding your hand. They all noticed the way his eyes kept wandering to yours and the way his expression was almost desperate. Even they couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he thinking about asking you out?
After several minutes, they gathered into a conversation, leaving you and Jongho out of it. But when they left to get more drinks, leaving the two of you alone, you found yourself leaning towards him, hoping that he would lean in too.
"Jongho?" You whispered softly. He turned his head to stare at you, your gaze locking onto his. "Can I ask you something?"
Jongho swallowed hard, unable to take his eyes off of you. He wanted nothing more than to drag you close and kiss you senseless. So he nodded, trying to find the words to say to you.
"What?"
"Did you...what were you thinking about...when I sent you that picture?" You looked at him, uncertainty in your eyes. He wished that you weren't looking at him with those sad eyes of yours. Those sad eyes made him want to make it all better.
"About what?" Jongho croaked out.
"Last night. When I sent you that picture by accident." You paused, placing your hand over his. "Were you thinking about me?"
Jongho looked down at your hand resting on his and then raised his gaze back up to your face. "Of course I was thinking about you. How could I not?" He placed his other hand over top of yours, intertwining your fingers together. "Why wouldn't I?"
"Because I..." You took a deep breath, as you waited for him to reply. "We're friends and friends don't think of each other like that. Right?"
"Do you still want to be friends?" Jongho asked you, squeezing your hands. "Because I don't want our friendship to change because of this. Not when I...I want more."
"More?" You repeated softly.
"Yeah." Jongho closed his eyes tightly, unsure if you were going to agree to go out with him. "I want us to become more than just friends. After seeing that picture, my mind has been flooded with thoughts of you. Thoughts that friends shouldn't have of each other. Thoughts of kissing you and touching you and..."
He never got to finish speaking once he felt your lips on his. His entire body tingled as your lips pressed against his, causing a fire to burn within him. Without warning, Jongho crushed his mouth against yours, forcing your lips apart and claiming your lips with his own. His heart was racing, his mind consumed by the need to kiss you again. To feel your soft lips against his own, to feel the warmth of your body pressed against his. To feel the sparks that he knew were running between you.
"Yeah..." You breathed out. "I've had those thoughts too...of kissing you and touching you and..." Your voice drifted off, as Jongho captured your lips with his again. Your hands ran up his arms, sending chills throughout his body.
"God, my eyes. My poor eyes!" You heard Wooyoung gasp behind you. "Go get a room already!"
"Shut up!" You laughed loudly, pulling away from Jongho. Jongho let out a laugh, pulling you up from your seat so he could wrap his arms around you.
"Should we...go to my place now?" He whispered into your ear.
"Yes." You gasped.
"Ohhhh." San let out a laugh. "I knew this was going to happen."
Yeosang nodded next to him. "Ahhhh, young love. Too cute."
"Have fun, stay safe and use protection." Hongjoong called out, earning another round of laughter.
"Just shut up and leave us alone." You yelled back, giving them all a wave.
"Bye!" Mingi shouted, raising his glass in the air. "See you later!"
They all waved goodbye as you and Jongho hurried out of the lounge, weaving your way through the crowd. As soon as the doors closed behind you, Jongho wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close. He kissed you one more time before leading you out of the parking lot, heading towards his apartment.
"Home sweet home." He sighed happily, leading you inside and closing the door behind him. He snaked his arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. "So where were we?"
"Kissing..." You breathed out, staring into his dark brown eyes.
Jongho chuckled, bringing his lips closer to yours. His entire body tingled at the mere thought of kissing you again. Of feeling your lips on his. Feeling the heat of your body pressed against his own. It was all he ever wanted. All he ever dreamed about. All he ever hoped for.
His lips brushed against yours lightly, barely grazing your mouth with his. He lingered there for several seconds before drawing back slightly.
"What thoughts did you have of me?" You ask him, breaking the silence.
Jongho smiled, reaching his free hand up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. "Good ones." He whispered, trailing his finger along your cheek. "Thoughts of you lying naked in bed, letting me explore every inch of your body."
"And what else?" You purred, pushing your body against him.
"Ohhh..." Jongho moaned softly. "Those naughty thoughts of mine involve..."
He trailed off as you brought your hand up to his mouth, planting light kisses against his palm.
"Tell me." You breathed out, closing your eyes. "Please."
"I was thinking about what it would be like having you underneath me." He let out. "I was thinking about how good it would feel to feel your soft skin under my fingertips. How good it would feel to have you pressing against me, begging me to fill you with my cock. How hot and wet your pussy would be and how amazing it would feel to make you come."
"Yes." You moaned, grinding against him.
"Ohhh." Jongho groaned, pressing his lips against yours again. "I want you so bad."
You shivered, breaking away from his lips. "Me too. So much." You bit your lip. "I can't wait any longer."
Jongho nodded, moving towards his bedroom, leading you along the way. "Well, let's hurry up and do something about that." He murmured, pulling you closer to him as he pushed open the door.
As soon as you entered the bedroom, Jongho wrapped his arms around you, trapping you against the wall. Leaning forward, he brought his lips back to yours, crushing his mouth against yours roughly. Your knees buckled slightly as he pressed himself against you, wrapping his arms tightly around you. Jongho broke away from your kiss long enough to rip your shirt open, throwing it aside.
"I can't wait anymore either." He breathed out. "I need to touch you. Need to feel your body pressed against mine. Want to taste your lips again."
Jongho's lips trailed down your neck, his teeth grazing your skin before biting down gently. Your fingers dug into his shoulders as his mouth travelled downwards, nipping and sucking along your collarbone. His lips pressed harder against your skin, making your entire body tingle.
"God..." You moaned out. "Jongho..."
"Need to feel you underneath me." Jongho continued, bringing his hands up to cup your breasts. "God...you feel so fucking good against me."
"Don't stop." You breathed out.
He smiled as he reached his hands down to unhook your bra, throwing it aside. As soon as your breasts came into view, Jongho's lips immediately latched onto your nipple.
He sucked on your nipple gently, eliciting a moan from you. As he did this, he brought his hand up to caress your other breast. As he played with your nipples, you began to feel a familiar ache building within you. With a groan, you dug your nails into his shoulder blades.
"Are you okay?" Jongho asked you, worried about your reaction.
"Y-yeah." You answered quickly, biting your lip as your body became even more sensitive. "Just...just feels so good."
Jongho nodded, continuing to suckle on your breast while massaging your other one. His fingers moved across your chest, teasing the sides of your breast, slowly working their way up until they reached your chin. With a slight flick of his wrist, he tilted your head up towards him.
With one quick motion, he brought his lips to meet yours, his tongue darting past your lips to dance with yours. His fingers intertwined with yours, keeping them both locked in place as he began to trail his fingers down your body. One hand slid down to your stomach, tickling you softly.
The other hand found its way back up to your breast, pinching your nipple lightly as his thumb rolled it between his fingers. Your whole body tingled at the feeling of pleasure coursing through you.
Jongho pulled back slightly, taking a deep breath. "Do you want me to stop?" He asked you softly.
"No." You shook your head. "Don't stop."
He nodded, closing his eyes briefly before pulling his hand away. Reaching down, he slid your pants off your hips, allowing them to fall to the floor. "Like this?" He breathed out, leaning down to capture your lips with his once again.
You let out a moan as his fingers slipped between your legs, stroking you gently as his lips traveled down your neck. Once his lips met your chest, he nibbled on your skin lightly. You felt your body tighten slightly at the touch of his tongue as it traced your clavicle.
"God..." You breathed out, pushing yourself closer to him.
"Does it feel good?" He asked you, nibbling on your earlobe.
"Ohhh...so good." You moaned, running your fingers through his hair. "Fuck...please don't stop."
"Don't worry." Jongho promised, returning his attention to your neck. "This is just getting started."
With that said, Jongho slowly lifted his shirt over his head, tossing it aside. He then took his boxers off, leaving himself completely naked in front of you. He stood straight, facing you as you watched him intently. When he saw that you were looking at him, he placed his hands on your cheeks, tilting your face up towards his. His eyes bore into yours as he leaned down, capturing your lips with his once again. His fingers trailed down your cheek, cupping your jaw as he pulled you closer to him.
Once your lips parted, Jongho wasted no time deepening the kiss. Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair as he forced his tongue into your mouth. With each passing second, your passion grew, causing you to grab hold of his arms, gripping them tightly as he thrust his tongue against yours. Your entire body was now tingling with desire, begging for release.
Jongho broke away from the kiss, panting heavily as he looked into your eyes. He ran his hands down your thighs, parting them and then grabbing one of the condoms from his nightstand drawer. Opening the package, he sheathed himself with ease, preparing himself to enter you.
"Are you ready?" He breathed out.
"Mmm..." You breathed out. "Yes...please."
"Good." He replied before pressing his lips to yours once again.
With one final glance into your eyes, Jongho lowered himself down, positioning himself between your legs. He raised himself up slightly, pausing for a moment as he searched your eyes. Your fingers twined themselves into his hair as you waited patiently for him to move. After a few moments, he began to slide into you. Each thrust sent waves of pleasure throughout your body.
"Ahhh...." You moaned loudly, pressing your forehead against his shoulder.
Jongho hummed as he continued to thrust into you. Every movement caused a new wave of sensation to wash over you. You had never felt anything quite like it. You couldn't believe how incredible it felt. He brought his lips back to your ear, whispering softly.
"You feel so good." He moaned. "So damn good."
Your legs tightened around his hips as he began to speed up his movements. His lips grazed your ear, his warm breath brushing against your skin. "Feels good, doesn't it?" He whispered, causing you to moan again.
"Jongho...oh god..." You breathed out, digging your fingernails into his shoulders.
Jongho closed his eyes, feeling the heat radiating from your body. He knew how badly you needed him. He knew that you were dying to come. And he could tell by the noises escaping your throat that you were close to climaxing. All he had to do was continue to pump his hips, slowly increasing the pace. In a matter of seconds, he would drive you over the edge. That thought alone made him harder than ever.
In response to the sound of his name coming from your lips, Jongho picked up the pace even further, pressing his lips firmly against your ear.
"Come for me, baby." He growled out, pushing even deeper into you. "Come hard for me."
With those words, Jongho's hips began to slam into you faster and faster. Soon enough, he felt your walls clamp down around his cock, holding him there, preventing him from pulling out. With another moan, he exploded inside of you, filling the condom with his semen. Once he finished, he pulled out of you, breathing heavily. Your eyes remained fixed on him, watching him as he pulled the used condom off of his cock. He tossed it to the side before lowering himself to the mattress beside you.
You flipped him over, moving to straddle him as you kissed him deeply. As you did this, you could feel his hardening cock beneath you. You smirked, bringing your lips back to his ear.
"Guess we're not done yet." You whispered seductively. "I'll let you fuck me raw if you keep going."
With a grin, Jongho grabbed your ass, squeezing it tightly as he slid into you. "Whatever you want, baby. Anything you want."
#ateez#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#ateez fanfics#ateez smut#ateez stories#ateez jongho#jongho#choi jongho#ateez jongho smut#jongho smut#jongho x reader
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Not to word vomit on you but I can't stop thinking about Oliver wanting a love story like Tarlos and how it all accidentally lined up.
Knowing that Carlos and TK were about to move in, and then Carlos made that romantic gesture and TK got scared because it was, "too good to be true."
Carlos is left, confused, puzzled and nursing a broken-heart but still just as in love. What do you mean that TK and Carlos saw a future together, one got scared at that prospect and left before Carlos was the one to leave??
What do you mean that happened after Oliver said he wanted Bucktommy to have a love story like Tarlos; where it was always going to be them?
Then you consider Oliver saying that we might see Tommy and Buck interact during a call and it'll be awkward and who can't help but think of TK and Carlos running into the furniture store and seeing each other for the first time in weeks.
Anyways, sorry to be delusional in your ask box. I'm deep within the Tarlos trenches so this is all starting to look eerily familiar lmao (it could also be Tim is out of ideas, which is most likely the case)
Please feel free to word vomit on me always, I live for it.
Receiving this ask has actually prompted me to share some thoughts that I’ve held back from sharing, just because I wasn’t sure if it was worth it to throw more speculation into the void. But this message is so lovely, and I agree with it so much and so… okay I will share some of my mixed bag of thoughts about this whole situation.
Firstly, I adore Tarlos and LS (even if I don’t post about either much), TK is my baby, and the interesting thing about them for me is that I wound up caring for them more AFTER they broke up and got back together. If Buck and Tommy’s story is formatted as a rom-com, TK and Carlos are a tragicomedy. TK, the heartbroken recovering addict thrust into an entirely new city, a new career, who doesn’t want to let himself get too close to something good because he is misery incarnate. Carlos, the hopeful hopeless romantic who sees TK and doesn’t see something that needs fixing, but someone who his love could help heal. It’s such a gorgeous story, and the symmetry of both characters shockingly losing a parent in a tragic way is painfully beautiful. I LOVE their love story.
That brings me to Oliver and Tim’s comments. Throughout the Buck and Tommy relationship, my belief that this would be Buck’s final relationship only ever wavered twice. The first time was in the immediate aftermath of their first date (I spent the whole episode thinking that Tommy was actually reintroduced to kick off the bi awakening plotline and Buck was not acquiring a boyfriend) and the second time was towards the tail end of the summer hiatus when I legitimately began to doubt Lou would want to come back given everything that transpired. Other than that, I had full faith that this was it, this was Buck getting off the “hamster wheel”—Tim’s words, not mine.
I had confidence for a few reasons. 1 – the story was always handled with care onscreen and gave us no reason to think they weren’t going to work out. 2 – the chemistry was insane, and I knew it couldn’t just be me because an entire fandom was born. Tim and tptb must have seen what we saw. 3 – the supplementary information funneled to us through articles and Tim’s social media, literally up until post-8x06 never seemed to indicate that their relationship was headed in this direction. A big part of that was the comparison to Tarlos.
In order to protect myself (should I name the list of shows, movies, couples that I’ve fixated on that wound up playing out in dissatisfying ways?), I am awfully pessimistic. The post-episode interviews, articles, + hearing a bit from LFJ and OS has me wondering if this was some mass hallucination. Did we truly cling to something good and blow it up, run with it? Was this always the plan? I’ve wondered if because S7 was so short and S8 required that other characters get the spotlight first/other stories needed to be told and wrapped, and if because of production and scheduling and whatever external reasons, did their relationship wind up having a longer life than was ever intended. Were they ever supposed to make it to six months? Were they ever supposed to make it past the fucking wedding? I have been asking myself this stuff a lot. Alternatively, did something happen that made them want to or have to part ways with LFJ? So many questions, and I’m not sure we’ll ever know.
But… then there’s the delusional side of me, and the reason I haven’t totally abandoned hope is because when I was watching 8x06 live, EVERYTHING in me told me that this is a necessary section of the rom-com formula. Even the call-backs throughout the episode made me feel like the writers are so painfully aware, and that the narrative wants these characters to be together (Miceli’s, Abby, basketball, going to the movies, calling an uber, the loft kitchen, “you’re not ready”)—the motifs were absolutely popping off. I did not think it was the end when the episode ended. I wondered when and how they would find their way back to each other to fulfill the rom-com genre, but what I did NOT expect was to open social media and see articles framing this as the end. I wasn’t surprised when I found out who wrote the articles, and listen—if they bait one side of the fandom, can’t they bait the other? I still have some hope, because at the end of the day, anything can happen with network television. Maybe this is all part of the plan, and the interviews should be taken with a grain of salt. I just don’t know.
Interviews with Tim and Oliver from day one positioned the Buck and Tommy relationship as a queer love story devoid of trauma. Okay, well… huh. From where I was sitting, there was A TON of explicitly queer trauma exposed in 8x06. Their “hurdle” is tied utterly and completely to queerness. Tommy runs because he is a gay man who doesn’t trust that his bisexual boyfriend should “settle” for him, and who would rather be alone than heartbroken, and if that truly is the last of Tommy, it has to be one of the coldest and cruelest exits we’ve ever seen on this show. Do they simply not realize how deeply traumatized both characters come off in that episode, or is it all part of the plan? If the interviews positioning this as the permanent end of bucktommy should be taken at face value, shouldn’t the other interviews that position them as a rom-com (with the formulaic third act breakup, boils and all) be taken as the truth as well? If there was some misinterpretation, why hasn’t Tim said anything—he clearly knows a lot of fans were hurt by what they watched. He must have seen the outrage—why radio silence? Did we truly blow this out of proportion? Are the wheels coming off behind the scenes? I need a tell-all at this point lol
Thank you for the lovely ask, I’ve been sitting with these thoughts all week so this was a good excuse to finally articulate them. <3
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There is some real fuckery in this fandom when it comes to both sharing AI art and then weaponizing accusations of artists using AI just because people don't like their style or who they draw.
You are not “supporting artists" or rooting out AI generated fanart from this fandom - which we absolutely should do - by tearing down real artists who absolutely are not using AI.
I've seen it happen twice now. Recently, an artist on Instagram (jinart369) who makes lovely Gwynriel and Gwyn art is being attacked (and their husband who is a tattoo artist attacked) with claims they use AI when it's very, very clear they do not and they each individually have unique art styles. This one seems related to the ship war fandom wank.
A month or so ago, my good friend @works-of-heart, who is a talented Elucien artist, received similar harassment in the form of anon hate. Whatever campaign this anon was on reached others in our fandom who actually believed them. It was evident both in the amount of hate she was getting in her inbox and people telling her they were fans of hers but no longer because they "heard she used AI".
I've personally commissioned art from her, and it's actually laughable that anyone thinks she is using AI. The process I went through with her, which included very specific asks and references I provided and seeing several versions and various stages of the WIP process is not something someone could fake. The harassment got to the point she had to post evidence of her process, which she has pinned just so that people would stop sending her hate, which she really shouldn't have to do to prove herself. She also had to turn off anon because the harassment was so nasty. She showed me the messages, and I was appalled at how gross, personal, and vitriolic these anons were. It's clear they have a personal distaste for the artist rather than an educated understanding of what AI is capable of or how people use it.
We should trust our artists in this fandom. Witch hunts do not root out AI. There are ways to spot AI art when you educate yourself on what AI can and cannot do. We should be adamant about not uplifting those accounts that generate those kinds of images. But we also should not turn those accusations on real artists simply because we don't like their art style or the ship they draw. How do you prove you are NOT something? And I know personally even after @works-of-heart showed her evidence (and it looks like the same thing is now happening to this other artist after posting their proof) that the haters only move their goal posts of what they consider "evidence". As if they are any kind of authority on the subject.
Fuck AI. Support artists. And that also means believing them.
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JK's birthday 2019
Let's talk about JK's birthday in 2019.
I know it's a long time ago, but I got to thinking about it again and it just filled me with joy. And who am I to deprive you guys of some delusional joy as well? Right?
So, I think I am actually going to start from the end on this one.
JM flying half way across the world, from Paris...
to be with JK on his birthday only to have to fly out the next morning to Hawaii with Sungwoon.
And he does this all by surprising JK, who was not expecting him to be there with him, as he knew JM was in Paris, sly JM even sending him a kind of generic happy birthday message from Paris. You know, making sure JK KNOWS that he is still there on the streets of Paris all while JM was already on his way to be with him.
JM loved to tell us all about it in his Riad live (you know, the one he also told us how happy he was with the surprise birthday celebration JK arranged for him during their concert there, oh and the same one we got him eying his "manager").
There is a link to the live itself in my post as well.
And here you will find screenshots of JM telling the story:
He was so damn proud of himself.
And rightfully so.
He made JK's day.
Brought him this very special gift too:
Yeah, let's hear how this wasn't planned why don't we?
Anyways...
Moving on.
Or perhaps moving back would be the proper way of putting it.
All of this happened on JK's birthday itself at night time (JM tells us he arrived back in SK 8-9 pm). But see, JK started off his birthday for us.
Wait. Was it for us? Or more so, was it only for us? Or was it perhaps also meant for that one person that wasn't there on that day. The one person that was in Paris, and whom JK believed was not going to be spending his birthday with him. The one person that flew half way across the world to surprise JK, and he sure did.
I know at this point I could be considered to be reaching a little bit, but hear me out here. Yes, JK was sending Army a message (well a few of them as you will see), but I do think that within those messages (this is something that those two are so good at), he was also sending another message, and it wasn't just for us. Although you could argue that in a sense it was also for us (letting us know who was on his mind at that point in time).
So here we go.
JK posts on Weverse on the eve of his birthday. This is just after midnight, specifically at 00:22 or 12:22 am KST.
This one is clearly for Army (not the one who declares himself to be Army).
Following that, JK moves on to Twitter, where he tweets twice exactly 40 minutes later. 2 tweets, one minute apart from each other.
First tweet at 1:03 am SKT:
Let's look at the numbers first before we move on to bigger and better things.
1:03 am 1.9
Just looking at those numbers we can get:
13-10 (1+9)
If we look at the date as 1.9.19 then we have the 13-10 and 1-9 as well. Go figure.
On purpose?
Who knows... maybe if we look into it a little further we will have more facts that can show us either way.
The caption on JK's first tweet.
Could definitley be meant, once again, for us. Even though he already thanks us for making him happy. But what if this time it wasn't meant specifically for us. I mean, he already thanked us in a long message only 40 minutes earlier. What if the earlier one was for us, and this one here, with the timing of the posting, was meant for a special someone else, who happened to be far away from him.
Perhaps his choice to split his posts, his thanks, was because they were meant for 2 different recipients? Perhaps, this was just like him splitting up his White day live in 2023 into 4 segments. Each one of those segments with a clear purpose and you could also say a specific audience (at least for one of those 4 the intended audience was not us).
Yeah, I know, call me deluded. Call me crazy and call me whatever, but you know, I really don't think it's that far fetched.
And even more so when within a minute he tweets again. This time he uploads his gift - a snippet of his song Decalcomania.
Captioned: "This... Please look forward to it".
{Side note, we still are even though we will never get the full song seeing that he had deleted it.}
Are you seeing what I'm seeing here?
Like seriously, how can we miss this? And nope, you can't make up this shit either.
Time stamp on clip:
1: 18 min.
The song is clearly cut off at that time stamp.
This is not a coincidence. Seriously, enough is enough with that excuse. The recurring use of these numbers. 118, Nov 8, again and again and again. Before and after.
This is a clear message JK is sending again
and again
and again
and again
And lest forget a couple of his latest 8:11's
and
And here we have JK, on his birthday, following his tweet only one minute earlier thanking "you" for making him happy. Who he means by "you", well that I'm sure many will assume is his fans. At this point, seeing what came before and definitely what came after, I am easily convinced that it wasn't necessarily that "you", but the "you" that was about to surprise the shit out of him later that day.
So yeah, I'm finding it hard to conclude this is all a coincidence, seeing JM himself told us it's not...
As for Decalcomania. Well, that one requires a post all of it's own.
One more thing before I go.
JK's 2019 birthday was a big one. It happened when the band were on break. When JM was using this time to travel with friends (not that they didn't spend time together, JK basically tells us that in BV4). A time with a couple of yucky dating rumors. A time of self reflection. This was a break where JK had his hand tattoos done, and surprisingly (NOT) added that very 'inconspicuous' J just above the M after his birthday.
So yeah, this here my friends, is a hill, or even more so a mountain, that I am climbing up and are pretty confidently willing to die on...
#Jikook#Kookmin#Minkook#Jungkook#Jimin#JK#JM#JK birthday#JK birthday 2019#jikook numbers#jikook 8:11#Jikook 11:8#Jikook 8 November
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Hiiii!! How are you doing?? I hope you are doing great! I just wanted to ask if you can write about Seungkwan husband hcs? and I also wanted to say that I really love your account it is an absolute masterpiece, I always check everyday if you posted anything because I am excited to see what you wrote ❤️❤️✨️
(Sorry if my message isn't understandable English isn't my first language 😅)
hiii! omg FINALLY a request for our boo, i’ve been waiting for this day, of course i can do it, it would be an honour. and thank you so much for saying that, as well as loving my account so much, i love you all more😭❤️
(btw, your english is perfect, have more trust in yourself and your abilities🫶)
anyway, enjoy this!
Husband! Seungkwan Headcanons:
•(sfw! hcs):
proposed in such a romantic and…seungkwan way lmao just imagine-his members of course had to be a part of it, so they have been dragging you around the whole city the entire day, making sure that you look absolutely perfect for the showtime. seungcheol took you to get your nails done, before jeonghan stole you away from him to get your dress ready, and then joshua and jun were the ones to take you to get your makeup done and- you get the idea lol, but then, as you walked with hansol and chan up the stairs of the building that you and kwanie live in all the way up to the roof, you already started crying because you knew what’s coming. and you were right because once the door of the roof were opened, you see the love of your life standing at the end of the long red carpet, right in front of an altar made out of flowers in a shape of a heart. and because it’s boo seungkwan, of course he serenaded you the song you two were listening the night you two kissed for the very first time. the rest is history❤️
has his wedding ring constantly on him, be it in his ring finger or on a necklace around his neck-the ring is one part of an outfit that is not negotiable, he will wear it no matter what
constantly talks about you when he’s a guest on talk shows, he will find any way to make any story be about you, he could be asked about the thought process behind the song he cowrote with woozi and he will just be like “oh well it’s actually inspired by my wife! she’s always my inspiration behind anything i do and write- i remember distinctly, on that day i was just-“ everyone is low-key annoyed by it because…can he go on for two minutes without saying the words “my wife”? lol
so so so very affectionate- he will hug you all the time, doesn’t matter if there’s people around or if one of you is busy, if boo seungkwan wants to hug and kiss his wife, he will do as much, even when you’re washing the dishes or vacuuming or doing skincare- he will just sneak up on you and hug you from behind as he nuzzles his face in the curve of your neck, he fr sometimes remind you of a cat
is very big on jokes in your relationship, he will try to make you laugh as much as possible, that’s why you two have so many ongoing inside jokes, god forbid someone says one word that will remind you both of one of your jokes, you two will start cackling, leaning onto each other as you two try to control yourselves but with no avail (jeonghan is so sick of you two, he had been enduring this ever since you two started dating and seungkwan was still living with him)
his favourite nights are when you two get drunk on sweet sweet wine from italy and start jumping and dancing around the apartment, all while singing (read: screaming) the lyrics of your favourite songs together, naturally using your hairbrushes as your microphones. something about this makes seungkwan feel…like he will live on forever, if not in other people’s minds and he in books of records, then at least in your heart and memory❤️
because this is boo seungkwan we’re talking about of course, expect little harmless and useless fights (more like bickering) to happen at least twice a day, he sometimes does it because he genuinely doesn’t agree with you but sometimes he does it just to see you pout at him lol, from fighting about which sort of tomato tastes the best to who the best marvel character is, expect him to start shit at any topic you try to bring up lol
•(nsfw! hcs):
his words are always so sweet, they taste like honey both on your and his lips, but then his actions would be so dirty, a complete contrast from what he’s saying- he could be asking in that deep voice of his that he always pull on you in the bedroom “who is my good girl?” but in the same second he would be landing such a hard and nasty spank on your ass cheek that has you throwing your head back in pleasure- his words so affectionate and full of praise, but then his actions look as if it were a punishment, he dances on that thin line so well
prefers fucking you either in missionary or when you ride him, he loves seeing your face scrunch in pleasure as his dick is pounding into your heat, your muscles tightening around him-there’s just something in the way your eyebrows furrow and your mouth open on their own while he’s bringing you pleasure, plus it’s only a bonus that this way he gets to kiss you anytime he wants to (or a louder moan threatens to spill out of his mouth)
and his fingers? gosh his beautiful fingers…the only reason why he isn’t eating you as much as he would like to is because you prefer to have his fingers instead, so long and so pretty and perfect, curling inside of you just the right way, his little nails scraping against you sweet spot which brings you to your finish way before you’d like- and when he licks the very same pretty fingers clean and then wraps them around your pretty little neck? gone. gone and done for.
surprise surprise-boo seungkwan is a talker in the bedroom. shocker, i know. half of his honey sweet words won’t even register im your mind due to the pleasure, but he will still talk, going from kissing your neck and nibbling on your ear and talking, just like “fuck, your sweet pussy feels so good around my dick baby, you’re gonna make me so fast. would you like that, hm? does my sweet girl want my cum? want me to fill you to the brim? fuck, if you don’t stop clenching around me like that, i really will do it-“ KNDKABAPA BOO SEUNGKWAN
loves placing your legs on his shoulders and bending forward, it makes your pussy feel that much tighter, which then makes you both feel how good he’s stretching you, the burn making you moan even louder which makes him fuck you even harder and faster
isn’t a boob person per say, but he will leave so many hickeys on your chest, you will lowkey look like a mess lmao, they would be littered all over your soft tits, ranging from purple to blue and yellow in colour- i mean seriously, don’t even think about wearing something a little bit more revealing or people will ask if you got mauled by a bear lol (that night is something jeonghan will NEVER let you live down lol (seungkwan was low-key proud of his artwork though lol))
LOVES it when you grab him by the hair and redirect his mouth where you need him the most, the sting of the pull, the neediness that is displayed through your actions, the way he doesn’t even want to tease you or reject you- it all gets him feeling so hot and bothered, he will literally moan as you pull him by his hair from between your legs to your face so you can kiss him i- i need him SO BADDDD DJKWKXKSJAB
#seventeen#svt#svt x reader#fypシ#tumblr fyp#fypage#boo seungkwan#seungkwan#seungkwan x reader#seungkwan x you#boo seungkwan smut#svt fluff#fluff
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I would have included this scan with my recent miscellaneous collab scans post, but I decided it deserves its own post, not just because it's one of the loveliest official Twiyor illustrations I've seen, but also because the story of how I got it is...interesting 😅
This image is from the chara fine graph (which is basically a framed picture) that was included as a preorder bonus for buying the complete season 2 blu-ray set from a shop called Rakuten Books (together with badge pins of the same designs). I briefly mentioned it back in October of last year when season 2 was airing, along with preoder bonuses from other shops like Animate and Amazon. I only wanted to get this one though, so as per my usual process of trying to secure rare SxF goods, I made a note to myself to keep an eye out for when it released. Rakuten, which I believe is the main company for Rakuten Books, has their own proxy buying service, and as the season 2 blu-rays were released, I saw them appearing there. But as noted on their main site, the condition for them to send you the chara fine graph is that you must preorder all of the three season 2 blu-ray discs from them. Once you buy the third one, if they know that you've already bought the others, then they'll send you the preorder bonuses along with it.
I was concerned that if I bought the discs via proxy, they wouldn't know that I bought all three and would cancel my order at the end! I would be devastated if that happened after waiting months and spending all that money on the complete set. I knew people would sell the chara fine graph second-hand as soon as it released, so I decided to wait until then and try to find it on Mercari.
So the months went by and eventually I found out that the final blu-ray volume of season 2 would release on April 17th, 2024. I made a mental note to check Mercari for it then, but unfortunately something else released around that same time...CODE: White in the US, which had its first screening on April 18th. Admittingly, I got distracted by the CODE: White release and had seen it twice by the following weekend. I did do some preliminary searching for the chara fine graph, but not with my usual refined search terms. It wasn't until the 21st that I finally sat down and really started searching for it. And while I did find a few listings, they had already been sold.
I was hopeful that more people would sell it, since it had only been less than a week since release. But I guess I underestimated how popular this chara fine graph was because, after the initial five listings I saw that were sold within the span of a few days, none appeared after. I had, like, ten Mercari tabs open on my browser with different search terms that I refreshed many times a day, but nothing was showing up. I would groan whenever I'd see the preorder bonuses for the other shops like Animate and Amazon pop up, but not Rakuten Books. I did finally see one new listing of someone selling just the badge pins, but that was sold within a few minutes, which made me even more nervous. I would also be nervous getting up in the morning since I didn't want to see that a new listing was posted and sold while I was sleeping! Thankfully I work from home so it wasn't too much of an inconvenience for me to refresh the Mercari tabs on my personal computer whenever I had a minute. But as the days went by and I didn't see any new listings, I started getting mad at myself that if I had only started seriously searching for it right on release day, I would have had at least five chances to get it and could have saved myself this hassle. I even sent a message to Rakuten Books via their online form, asking (in Japanese) if they could somehow sell it to me and ship internationally, etc. But their response was pretty much what I expected...a polite "no."
But then, on the evening of May 4th, I found a new listing and immediately bought it! What should have been a red flag though is that the person was selling it for $30 (with the badge pins included), while everyone else had been selling it from around $80-$100. The title they gave to the item was weird too; they simply called it "Spy Family" instead of "Spy Family Chara Fine Graph" or "Spy Family Rakuten Books Bonus" or something descriptive like that. But the seller had a decent rating so I didn't think there was a problem. After I got the email from Buyee (my proxy service) that they successfully bought the item, I thought I was all set. I closed out all my search tabs and went to bed feeling satisfied.
However, when I got up the next morning, my heart sank when I saw that about an hour after I had gone to bed, Buyee sent me another email saying that they refunded and cancelled my order! The reason they gave was "due to the convenience of the seller" 😫
But what was most frustrating about this is that, when I checked the searches again, I saw that the same seller had relisted the item, with a higher price and more descriptive title, and it had been sold already. What probably happened is that the seller realized they made a mistake with the title and price of the listing and wanted to change it, which Mercari apparently allows them to do even after it had already been sold and paid for!
I was furious with Mercari for allowing this. The least they could do in a situation like this is give the original buyer, like, one day to buy the item again with the increased price before the seller is allowed to relist it again. I wanted to write to the seller and/or Mercari, but I wasn't able to make a Mercari account since it's restricted to Japan. I was also internally yelling at myself that if I had just started searching for it within a day or two of release instead of procrastinating, I could have avoided all this. So it was back to square one, but I wasn't going to give up! I opened up more search tabs with even more refined search terms. I also expanded to other proxy-supported shops like Surugaya and Yahoo Japan Auction. I even got my mom to help me, since she's often up in the middle of the night and can check in case anything is listed during that time while I'm asleep. I downloaded the Buyee app too so I could check listings even if I was away from my computer. With all this, I was hopeful I'd be able to buy it again, though it was more of a question of "when" than "if." With second-hand collectibles, you never know when they could pop up...I could find a new listing the next day, or not for a year or two. But I just kept up the searching, and finally, after another month went by, on June 3rd (June 4th in Japan, so technically Twiyor day 😁) I finally found it again...on Yahoo Japan Auction of all places!
I had never bought via auction before so I was a bit nervous I'd get outbid or something. But I immediately clicked the "pay buyout price option" (which was only a few dollars more than the original price) and, thankfully, a short while later Buyee informed me that I successfully won the auction! But after what happened before, I was still paranoid that it could get canceled for whatever reason. But that didn't happen, and after waiting for shipping, it finally came~
I always like to add a "lessons learned" in these situations, so I'd say the lesson here is don't be blasé or procrastinate when it comes to something you really want. And of course, being persistent pays off more than not!
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Commission/Life update for 2024
EDIT 9/16/24
As of now I've resolved around 15 commissions since this post was made at the start of June! This is much faster than I was going the past year. They're going well and I thank everyone again who has been so patient and kind. I've gotten nothing but kindness as a response to the wait, even from those who have been waiting for over a year by now. Thank you.
I recently started two new jobs and school again, so I'm a little busy. BUT everyone is (albeit not at a super fast speed) moving up in queue! Once the owed "Full" commissions are done, I expect to get through Sketch Coms even faster and currently I'm at a good pace to be done by the end of the year.
The best days to reach me are Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays at the moment. Otherwise it might take me a day or so to get back to you. I work on my own projects on the weekends to preserve my sanity, lol! Just know if I'm drawing something else, I haven't forgotten my queue!
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Original post:
Just want everyone to know I AM okay now and life has gotten better recently. However the past year and a half have been extremely difficult and I'm only now getting back on my feet. I generally don't like sharing life details publicly, but as a freelancer with clients that have been waiting for a while I feel like transparency is key.
If you don't want an explanation for the delays and just want to know my completion timeline, that's totally okay. Here is all the info up front. I'm going to continue updating my commission queue as usual and will not be accepting any more orders until ALL of the queue is completed. I'm working on finishing the half and full bodies first since they've been the longest waiting in queue. Then the rest. I don't have a set date in mind for when they'll be all done for good but the goal is by the end of the year. I think that's more than doable for me now. If you're a client of mine and have questions/concerns, please message me either here or on Discord and I'll do my best to help you. My username on discord is the same as my Tumblr username. Twitter and Ko-Fi are also options but I don't check them as frequently. I usually work Monday-Thursday so that will be the best time to shoot me a message or expect an update to the queue.
Information on what's been going on is below.
CW for mentions of death, financial hardship and homophobia.
As a few of you might remember, in 2019 I was disowned by my mother for being a lesbian. I made the choice to go no-contact. Since then, up until LAST YEAR, she's routinely harassed me or had other family harass me, stalked me on social media, tried to get to me through the website I take commission orders, and threatened me multiple times. I was forced to move across the country both because I felt unsafe and because my partner had family elsewhere that were more accepting. I've had to change my phone number twice.
It's been extremely difficult both financially and mentally to keep my head above water. In 2021 my grandfather died and I still haven't felt like I've been able to properly grieve. I wasn't able to see him due to her and I wasn't invited to his funeral. We were very close and he meant the world to me. In 2023 my grandmother passed away very suddenly as well, and my mother used it as an excuse to harass me over ko-fi/my professional email. It was such a horrific experience that I fell into a months long spiral that I only just now feel like I'm climbing out of. This is when commissions first stalled. I was also starting to get overwhelmed, as I had to take on more work than I could realistically handle in order to pay bills and rent. That's really it - I just had to take more orders so we weren't kicked out of our apartment, and as my mental state deteriorated I couldn't keep up.
The good news is that my wife and moved earlier this year we're living with supportive(!) family now and our financial burden is much lighter. This gives me time to work on my backlog without re-opening. I'm also going to school again, back in college starting this summer for a second degree. For my own health after commissions are finished I'm likely going to take a break on opening them for a good while, even though I really enjoy doing them.
In the past two months amazing and not-amazing things have happened. The amazing thing is I got an ADHD diagnosis, something I didn't even know had been ruining my life for years. I'm still getting used to the proper medications but I'm already seeing a big improvement. It's as much of a relief as it is frustrating. My mother also reared her head again (like she usually does at least once a year) - this time, though, I learned she'd had a stroke. While I'm not involved with her anymore, I think most people could understand how it would still be a very weird and upsetting situation. As of right now I'm free of her once again, she seems to be making a good recovery and will hopefully continue to live a happy life far away from me. Still, those two things back to back have been a LOT to deal with on top of just trying to get better in general. I stepped away from the internet for a while for my own sanity.
The downside to being a freelancer is that there's not always a safety net. That's what happened to me. Thank you all very much for being kind and patient, I genuinely have had nothing but polite interactions with all of you and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry my personal bullshit got in the way of getting my work done for you. This is the longest I've ever taken to complete commissions and it's something that I'm deeply ashamed of. I promise they will get done. Being medicated and starting to recover from the family drama has revitalized me a bit. If you have any questions or concerns please reach out.
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