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kelyon · 3 years

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Golden Rings 17: A Name

The Storybrooke sequel to Golden Cuffs

Mrs. Gold revisits her past

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Mrs. Gold looked on in mute horror as Hunter Duke dumped more hot sauce on his triple bacon hamburger. He’d asked Ruby to give him three meat patties with no bun and steamed broccoli instead of fries. When Mrs. Gold had questioned that lunch choice, he had explained his new diet to her.

At length.

Hunter had always been the kind of boy who thought meat and spicy food were substitutes for a personality. He’d been the star athlete at Storybrooke High, taking home championships in football and wrestling. He’d been popular with everyone--except for the one girl he’d arbitrarily decided was the hottest girl in school. That girl, the valedictorian, hadn’t given the quarterback the time of day. Not until she lost her scholarship and suddenly dating the son of a lawyer sounded like the way to the best future she would ever get.

“They do the burgers way too overdone here,” Hunter said with his mouth full. “You don’t get enough protein if it isn’t bloody.”

Mrs. Gold shrugged and took a bite of her own burger. It needed more pickles, but it was still amazing. Toasted bun, crisp lettuce, a patty that was juicy but not messy. She hadn’t had a Granny’s burger in forever. When she was a kid, her parents had taken her out for burgers every Friday night after their shop closed. Mom would bring her own supply of extra-zesty mustard and Dad…

She set her bun on her plate. On those idyllic, bygone Friday nights, her father would spend the whole meal grumbling about money and expenses and couldn’t they have eaten at home? Mom had always told him to stop worrying and enjoy the moment. It was the end of another week and they were together, happy and healthy. She’d calmed him down and kept him focused, every time there was a crisis.

Until they faced the biggest crisis of their lives.

Mrs. Gold blinked out of her thoughts. For some reason, Hunter was still talking. Maybe it looked like she was listening. She’d gotten good at that when they had dated. Now that she was listening for real, she tried to catch up.

“I keep telling my dad he needs to just change the sign. ‘Duke & Duke & Duke’ has a great ring to it, right? Or he could for ‘Duke & Sons.’ I don’t mind sharing the spotlight with Steven. Or he could leave the sign as it is and retire! ‘Duke & Duke’ is classic, everyone knows we’re the best bankruptcy lawyers in town. Just let my brother be the first Duke and I’ll be second Duke and we’ll take this firm into the future! But Dad keeps brushing me off for some reason.”

Mrs. Gold took a sip of iced tea and desperately wished it was something stronger. “Did you… go to law school?”

She had the oddest feeling that she couldn’t remember how long they had been out of high school. All she knew for sure was that Hunter had enrolled at Storybrooke Community College--and she hadn’t. It was possible that he had gotten his bachelor’s. As Hunter was fond of saying, “Cs get degrees.” But SCC didn’t have a graduate program. Had he taken more classes on the internet? Or correspondence courses? It boggled her mind to think of Hunter of all people had gotten a law degree during the years she’d been Mr. Gold’s stupid slut.

“Well actually,” he explained, “you don’t need to go to law school to take the bar exam. I’ve got a bachelor’s in poli-sci and I’ve been around lawyers all my life. My dad knows everyone at the state bar. He’ll pull some strings and I’ll be all set.”

Mrs. Gold stabbed her straw at the ice cubes in her glass. It was so fucking unfair. Hunter was an idiot child who had never worked for anything in his life. His father--Richard “Big Dick” Duke--had bought him a Humvee when he turned sixteen, a speedboat when he graduated high school, and a college education just because no son of his wasn’t going to go to college. Now he would give his son the bar exam and a ready job and everything he would need for a future, without Hunter ever having to grow up past the maturity level of a toddler.

She’d lost her virginity to this boy. One summer night after senior year, in the back seat of that gas-guzzling monstrosity. They’d been dating for a while and Hunter had been perfectly content with her amateurish attempts at blowing him. But for her, the novelty had begun to wear off. So she’d suggested that he “put it in” instead. It was mostly a way for him to get his rocks off while she could just lie back and think of something more interesting.

Her memories of that night were dark and cramped and disappointing. She kept her shoes and her bra on the whole time. When Hunter was done, she had been more confused than anything else. This is what people made such a big deal about? Wasn’t sex supposed to be better than that?

It wasn’t until later, with Mr. Gold, that she had understood what people were talking about in romance novels.

But now that things were so strained with her husband, she found herself thinking back to the only other sexual partner she’d ever had. Looking at Hunter now, she had to remind herself of how bad things had been that summer, when he had been a welcome distraction. Hunter hadn’t wanted to talk about doctors’ appointments or shop inventory or arguing with financial aid departments--every fight a losing battle. All he wanted to do was drink, screw around, and have fun, and he welcomed her along for the ride.

I thought he would help us. I was wrong. He wasn’t what I needed.

Mrs. Gold shook the thought out of her head. The thought was true, but she recognized it as not being her own, so she talked over it.

“Have you been hanging out with any of the old gang? Sean or Jesse or anyone?”

It had been exciting to be included with the rich kids, to feel like she belonged in the world of the young and the reckless--people who didn’t have to worry about things because their parents would always be around to bail them out. They could do whatever they wanted because the world belonged to them.

Hunter shrugged. “Jesse’s an idiot, so no change there. But Sean’s been such a pussy ever since Ashley had her baby.”

Ashely Boyd had been in that group with her. Rich boys liked running around with poor girls because they were easier to impress than the rich girls. New Town young ladies also had parents who bought them cars for their sixteenth birthdays. They didn’t need to rely on spoiled boys to pay their way every time they went out, so they didn’t have to go along with whatever stupidity the boys came up with. Mrs. Gold had taken a lot of risks just so Hunter would keep thinking she was interesting.

But Ashley had loved Sean for more than his money and toys. All she ever wanted was for him to love her back and stay with her. Once, Mrs. Gold had thought Ashley was stupid for pining so hard after a boy who would never commit. But now she had a little more sympathy.

“What happened with Sean?”

“Mr. Herman kicked him out, cut him off. Now he’s living at Ashley’s place, working his ass off at the fish factory.”

“The cannery,” Mrs. Gold corrected quietly. Fish King Canned Foods was always hiring. It was always looking for people who could stand waist-deep in ice and fish guts for twelve hour shifts, operating machinery that could cut through a human hand as easily as it did a whole herring. Her cousin Andrew had gotten a job right out of high school. Her Uncle Peter had worked there for twenty years before he died.

“Like I said, he’s a total pussy now. All he does is work and hang out with Ashley, work and take care of the baby, work and sleep. You know he asked her to marry him a couple days ago? Utterly whipped.”

“Wow,” she said.

She had never respected Sean Herman, so it was weird to think of him actually growing up. People didn’t usually change around Storybrooke. But now the spoiled party boy was taking responsibility for his child and the woman who loved him. He had given up his own wealth and family status because he loved a penniless girl from Old Town.

It was impressive.

She finished her burger while Hunter started another monologue, this time about all the fat, lazy, poor people who came to his father’s office to declare bankruptcy. Forget being a lawyer, he should go into talk radio.

“I did ask you to lunch for a reason.” She grabbed her chance to talk while he was taking a breath.

“Oh yeah?” Hunter wiped hot sauce off his face with the back of his hand. “What’s up?”

“You know a lot of people,” Mrs. Gold said. “I was wondering if you might know somebody that I don’t.”

He slurped up the dregs of his diet soda. “Yeah? Who?”

Mrs. Gold gripped the edge of the table and desperately hoped he wouldn’t notice how hard it was for her to say this. The gold of her wedding ring was dull on this cloudy afternoon. “I… just have a name right now. I think it’s a woman named Belle.”

She could see the wheels in his head turning as he thought. “Belle? Hmm. I don’t know.”

“She’s probably young. Maybe our age. Maybe younger. Or older? Maybe she’s one of your mom’s friends or something?”

A woman as old as Karen Duke would still be younger than Mr. Gold. Maybe he was looking for more maturity now. In the days since she found out about Belle, Mrs. Gold had been racking her brain to try to imagine what kind of person she was. She was only moderately sure that Belle even was a woman. If Mr. Gold wanted this Belle person more than he wanted his own wife, she was probably the opposite of her in some crucial way.

Hunter made a face and scratched the back of his head. “Nah, I got nothing. Sorry.”

“Yeah,” Mrs. Gold looked down at her empty plate. “I’m not surprised.”

Seeing that they were both done with their food, Ruby came up to the table. “Now is this gonna be one check or two?”

It was almost funny how quickly Hunter looked to Mrs. Gold. He panicked at the thought of paying for his own lunch. Daddy must not be giving him an allowance anymore.

“You invited me,” he said, almost chiding her with the reminder of how things worked.

“Yeah, that was my first mistake.” Mrs. Gold took the check from Ruby and pulled out her purse.

A fifty would be enough to pay for two hamburgers and Ruby’s discretion. Not that Mrs. Gold was being particularly sneaky, arranging lunch with her ex-boyfriend at the most popular restaurant in town. But that didn’t matter either. She could take Hunter to the pawn shop and bang him in front of the cash register and Mr. Gold wouldn’t give a fuck.

And neither would she.

****

Wandering listlessly up and down Main Street, Mrs. Gold tried to keep warm. The clouds were dark and heavy with more snow. The sidewalks were shoveled, but there was always a residue of dirty slush. It was the time of year when trash kept showing up in the streets, no matter how many anti-littering signs Mayor Mills put up.

Mrs. Gold’s suede boots were more fashionable than sturdy. The same could be said for her coat, scarf, and hat. The cold seeped through her flimsy layers, until she was nothing but numb and damp, until it was hard to breathe, until she was so desperate to be warm again she resolved to go into the next open store, no matter which one it was.

Sugar’n’Spice was always warm and it always smelled good. Mara Trudine burned a different scented candle every day the shop was open. Today the candle was cinnamon and cloves. The whole place smelled like cider.

Mrs. Gold entered as quietly as she could. She hadn’t been in the store since before Christmas. And she had never walked through that door without strutting proudly, loudly announcing her intentions to buy whatever lingerie it would take to drive Mr. Gold wild.

Was Mr. Gold even capable of going wild for her anymore? Or did the sight of her just turn his stomach? He thought she was trash, she disgusted him, he didn’t want her and he never would again.

Ducking behind a rack of silky robes, Mrs. Gold took a breath to calm herself down. It was a bad habit she’d developed lately, thinking of the worst-case scenario just to make herself feel something. Her mind kept poking and prodding at her pain, pulling out her darkest fears and putting them front and center. She could push it away if she concentrated. If she tried to act normal, she could almost feel normal. Sometimes.

“Oh hey.” Mara had spotted her from the sales counter in the back of the shop. “Mrs. Gold, I didn’t see you come in.”

Steeling herself, Mrs. Gold walked out from behind the robes. “That’s me.” She tried to smile.

Mara stayed where she was. Bits of fabric were spread out over the counter. It looked like she was sewing something.

Mrs. Gold’s heart skipped a beat. The fabric was a shiny yellow-gold. Sometimes, when Mr. Gold was really pleased with her, he liked her to wear that color. Without thinking about what she was doing, she began to walk towards the counter.

“What are you working on?”

Mara looked up from her needle. Even after all these years, she had the same face she’d had as a kid--sharp brown eyes, adorably crooked smile, freckles all over her round cheeks. She looked so innocent. You’d never think she made a living off of unmentionables.

“Custom order,” she said proudly. “I’ve been trying to get tailor-made lingerie off the ground for as long as I can remember. Got my first order in October and more have been coming in.” She held up the fabric and Mrs. Gold saw a pair of panties that would go up to a person’s rib cage.

“Somebody wants that?”

Mara’s excitement dimmed in the face of Mrs. Gold’s skepticism, but she did her best to explain. “It’s shapewear,” she said. “See the reinforced panels? The idea is to smooth out tummy rolls and make a more flattering silhouette.”

Mrs. Gold looked over at the rack of Spanx. “Don’t you already sell that?”

“Yeah, but the stuff I make is sturdier than the mass-produced product. Better for people with non-standard bodies. And prettier too. Nothing over there comes in straw yellow.”

It was true. Most of the stuff in that section was nude or black. Mrs. Gold knew a thing or two about wearing corsets, but she had never actually needed one. She had thought Mr. Gold liked her to be skinny.

“That is a pretty color,” she said. “Who’s it for?”

Mara looked at her dubiously. “I can’t talk about a client, it’s confidential.”

“How are you planning on getting more orders without word of mouth?”

“Well, normally word of mouth comes from customers talking about the product, not a creator talking about their customers.”

Falling into old habits, Mrs. Gold tilted her head back as her voice went up an octave. “I know, but it’s just such a pretty shade of gold, I was wondering if someone special might have ordered it...?”

She let the question hang. Mara just frowned and shook her head.

“Come on, you’re smarter than that.” She held up the garment again. “This is for a plus-sized woman. Two of you could fit in here without straining the elastic. Mr. Gold didn’t order this for you.”

Without thinking, she leaned over the counter and got in her friend’s face. “Did he order it for someone else?”

Mara’s eyes went wide. Her mouth transformed into a tiny little O of surprise. Mrs. Gold pulled away and kept her eyes on the ground.

“I’m sorry,” Mrs. Gold said. “That was out of line.”

“Wow,” Mara said softly. “I, uh, I’d heard that something had happened. But I didn’t know it was that bad. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.” She turned around, pretended to look at something lacy until the urge to scream had passed. When she glanced at Mara, her brown eyes were trained on her.

“It’s not from him,” she said simply. “I’ll even tell you that my client paid with a credit card, so it was definitely her own money.”

Or maybe Mr. Gold was just covering his tracks. But at least he hadn’t called in the order himself. At least he wasn’t flaunting his disregard for her.

“Does he… Have you ever heard from him? Is he buying anybody lingerie?”

Mara shook her head. “I only see him on Rent Day.”

With nothing left to lose, she asked her old friend the same question she’d asked her ex-boyfriend. “Do you know anybody named Belle?”

Mara blinked. “I don’t… think so. The name sounds familiar, but I’m probably thinking of a character from a book or a movie. It’s not the sort of name you hear around Storybrooke.”

“No,” Mrs. Gold agreed.

“But I’ll keep my ears open, if you want.”

Mrs. Gold raised her eyebrows. “What about client confidentiality?”

“Well, whoever Belle is, she’s definitely not a client. And until Mr. Gold pays me himself, neither is he.”

You’re a good friend.

This time, Mrs. Gold didn’t swat at the thought that intruded into her head. She let it rest over her brain like a blanket. She let the thought warm her up.

She leaned against the counter and watched Mara work. The shapewear was fully constructed, and she was embroidering stalks of straw in a pattern along the sides. It was really pretty. The sort of thing that would give a girl a boost in confidence and excitement about her own body, her own clothes. Mrs. Gold remembered how fancy she’d felt the first time she wore something as simple as a bra and panties that were the same color. That sort of energy could get people through interviews or contract negotiations, any time you needed to feel powerful. Mara was helping people here, she was good at it, and it seemed to make her happy.

“So, business is good?”

“Yeah, it’s picking up. Valentine’s Day was a madhouse, but you know how that goes.”

Mrs. Gold nodded. Lingerie could be as popular as flowers when it came to last-minute gifts that men always thought would be cheaper than they were.

“Did you spend the day with anyone?”

Mara scrunched her nose. “I’m working too hard for that. Besides, I don’t meet a lot of single men in this business.”

She was able to snicker at the joke, and she was able to mean it. “Yeah, I guess not.”

They were quiet together for a minute, then Mrs. Gold asked a more personal question: “How’s your mom?”

Mara looked up from her embroidery for a second, but then went back to work. “She’s fine. I think she’s bored, now that the preschool is only open for half-days. She keeps asking me to move in with her.”

“I take it you don’t want to?”

A halfhearted shrug. “I don’t have a good reason not to. It would make sense, we could split the bills and keep each other company. But there is also something really nice about living by yourself. Even if it’s just a one bedroom apartment on top of your store.”

“I wouldn’t know.” Mrs. Gold drummed her fingers against the counter. She had gone from living with her father to living with Mr. Gold. The night after their anniversary had been the first time she had slept in any building by herself.

But she understood what Mara meant. When you lived with your parents, it was hard to feel like an adult. To make matters worse, Irma Trudine--Mara’s mother--had been a preschool teacher for as long as anyone could remember. She tended to treat everyone she talked to like they were a four-year-old whining for more juice and crackers.

Mama’s closest friend.

Now the voice was annoying her again. It was true that Irma and Mom had been good friends. That was why she had grown up with Mara as much as she had grown up with her cousin Janine. The three girls were inseparable, just like their mothers had been.

Until…

Mrs. Gold sighed. She was warmer now. She should probably buy something before she moved along.

“Do you have anything comfy around here?”

“What, like no underwire?”

“No, like pajamas, I guess. Or loungewear? I think I need to get a pair of sweatpants.”

Mara grinned. “The last time I saw you wear sweatpants, they had dinosaurs on them.”

“And they were fucking awesome.”

She had gotten those pants for her eighth birthday and worn them until the knees gave out. Even after that, Mom had cut them up for shorts and she’d worn them for another six months. If she could find sweatpants that had dinosaurs on them now, she wouldn’t think the mere act of wearing sweatpants was a sign of the end of her life.

But Sugar’n’Spice only had pajama sets with flowers on them--or hearts, but Mrs. Gold couldn’t bring herself to buy anything that looked like love. It was enough to buy comfort, something that would make it a little easier to be in her own skin.

Mara rang her up and gracefully accepted the extra fifty Mrs. Gold handed her.

“How about I call this a down payment on a custom order for you?”

Taking her bag, Mrs. Gold shrugged. “I don’t think Mr. Gold will want me in lingerie for a long time.”

“I didn’t say it was for Mr. Gold, I said it was for you.” Mara looked her steadily in the eye. “Come back some time and we can talk about what you need. Okay?”

She opened her mouth, and then closed it. “Yeah,” she said at last. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Good.”

****

The day wasn’t over. Mr. Gold was still in his shop. She could go there for a few hours of awkward silence. Or she could go back to the house, for a few hours of lonely silence. Then he would come home and make dinner. They would eat together and make stilted small talk. And then she would go to her bedroom, and he would go to his.

That was their life now.

He said he wanted her to stay. He said he wanted to take care of her. He said he loved somebody else.

It didn’t make sense. It was wrong. They were supposed to be together. Being near him, but not being with him, trying to act like everything was fine, trying to act like he didn’t matter to her as much as she obviously didn’t matter to him…

It was tearing her apart.

So she walked. Like a circling shark, she kept moving so she wouldn’t drown. She was trapped. Storybrooke was a small town, there were only so many places you could go in one day. And she had lots of days ahead of her. Mrs. Gold had the image of the rest of her life, stretching out to the horizon. She would have to keep walking, she would never be able to rest. She would never have a home again.

She was in Old Town now. The flower shop was behind her. Aunt Teri’s yellow and purple house was on this street. How many times had she walked the route between those two places? Her whole childhood, her whole life until she married Mr. Gold and moved into his house. She used to belong in this neighborhood.

Was there a way she could belong here again?

Turning at the plastic sign that said Hair Today! she went to the side door of the yellow house and knocked. Then she stepped away from the door and waited for an answer. She held herself against the cold.

Janine came up from the basement salon. Her mouth opened when she saw Mrs. Gold.

“Oh hi,” she said. “Mrs. Gold, you don’t… usually knock.”

“Yeah, I’m usually a bitch to you and I’m sorry.” She hadn’t meant to start that way, but she couldn’t avoid the truth anymore.

Janine’s eyebrows raised and her sky-blue eyes--a family trait--went wide. “O...kay,” she said slowly. Stepping outside, she shut the door behind her. The cold made her keep her arms crossed over her chest. “What’s going on?”

“I…” She didn’t know what to say. She had started, but what was the next step? “Things suck, right now, for me. And I kind of suck too. And I realized…”

What had she realized? That no one in her family would help her in an emergency? That she had built her whole identity around one relationship and without that she had nothing? That she had spent years intentionally, maliciously, pushing away all the people that had loved her in exchange for a man who only paid her? That all of those things were really fucking shitty? None of that was a realization. Mrs. Gold had always known what her life was. But she was just now starting to care.

“I realized I’m sorry,” she said. “For as long as I’ve been with Mr. Gold, I’ve been so caught up in him and it made me a worse person. And I want to be better.” She looked at Janine. “You deserve a better cousin.”

Janine sighed, her breath visible in the twilight. “So the honeymoon is finally over, huh? Are you tired of him or is he tired of you?”

Mrs. Gold pressed her lips together. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. At the same time, she didn’t begrudge her cousin the snark.

“He’s tired of me,” she admitted softly. “And I’m kind of tired of me too.”

Now Janine looked more sympathetic. “What happened?”

“You didn’t hear? I thought everyone in Storybrooke knew by now.”

“Yeah, no, I’ve heard a lot of rumors. But I’m asking you what happened. What’s the truth?”

“He loves someone else.” The words slipped from her mouth like a burden off her shoulders. “Some Belle person. And like, like he loves her, Janine. More than he ever loved me.”

“Oof,” Janine let out a long breath. “Oh honey, that’s terrible. I’m sorry.”

Until now, Janine had been standing in the doorway, and Mrs. Gold had been in the driveway, with about five feet between them. Janine stepped out first, one arm open in invitation. The two cousins met in the middle. They didn’t hug, exactly, but they huddled together for warmth and comfort.

“Do you need to stay with us?” Janine asked. “We never did anything with Andrew’s room after--”

“No,” she shook her head. Mr. Gold asked her to stay with him, and even that had to be better than sleeping in her dead cousin’s bedroom. “I’m fine, I… He’s taking care of me.”

“What, like alimony?”

“No, we’re not… I’m not leaving him.”

Janine pulled away. “But you said he loved someone else.”

She nodded. “He does, but he doesn’t want the marriage to be over.”

There was a moment of silence while Janine’s face twisted in anger and disbelief. Then she burst out: “Oh screw him! Does he really get to decide that? That man is cheating on you and you don’t even get the satisfaction of walking away? Come on!”

Mrs. Gold couldn’t look her in the face. “It’s not as simple as that,” she said. “I--I married him, I need him, I…” The next words were small and soft: “I don’t want the marriage to be over either.”

Closing her eyes, Janine pressed the heel of her palm to her forehead. “I don’t know what to say,” she said. “I mean, the sanctity of marriage is great and all, but Mr. Gold has been nothing but bad to you for so long. And now you have a reason to get out, but you’re not taking it? Why?”

“Because this is different,” she said the words before she knew what they meant. “He’s different than he was when we got married. There’s something… good about him now. Something kind and gentle. Something that wasn’t there before.”

Janine rolled her eyes. “So now you have feelings for the monster?”

“He’s not a monster now. Maybe he was before--I can see that more clearly now. But now the only thing he’s doing wrong is… not wanting me. And it hurts, but it’s not an evil thing.”

He’s my husband and I love him. Can you understand that?

Shifting her weight back and forth, Janine kept her arms over her chest. “And he’s not… hurting you anymore?”

She shook her head. “Not even in a way I like.”

“Gross,” Janine said, matter-of-factly. “I mean, good for you that it used to be something you liked, but it is very gross for me to think about. Too much information is a very real thing.”

Both of them snickered at that. The years of lingering tension eased a little more.

“Can you at least stay for dinner? We’re having Spaghetti-Os a la Chloe.”

“Chloe’s cooking?” How old was she now?

“It was her idea. Under careful supervision, she is going to dump a can of Spaghetti-Os into a pot and warm it up. Mom might even let her into the spice cabinet for some basil.”

“Oh, that sounds like fun.” She shuffled her feet. “But I should get going. I still eat with Mr. Gold. It’s… weird.”

“I bet.” Janine put her hands in the pockets of her work smock. “Listen, I… I’m sorry. All this time… I could have been a better cousin too. We--I think the general idea was that… we were waiting for you to meet us halfway.”

“I get that,” she said. “And I never came close to halfway. Not with anybody.”

“Well, you did today. And I’m glad. We missed you.”

Nodding, she tried to keep the tears out of her eyes. All this time, she could have had her family. If she had just eased up on being Mrs. Gold, she could have been the same girl everyone had loved.

“I’m trying to make things better now, you know?”

Janine nodded. “I know.” They were quiet for a minute, then she asked. “Have you talked to your dad lately?”

“Not yet,” she shook her head. “Not him or Uncle Manny. I… I kinda thought I’d start easy.”

Janine half-smiled, half-winced. “Manny will be happy to see you. You’re the only niece he’s got.”

She snorted. “I’m the only daughter my dad has and that didn’t make anything any easier.”

“He loves you, Lacey,” Janine said. It was the first time Mrs. Gold had heard her first name in as long as she could remember. “We all do.”

#golden rings #rumbelle #rumbelle fic #ouat #you like ocs? I've got so many ocs

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artemis-lesbian · 4 years

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I HATE that society places sooo much value on weight, especially for women. I hate that somehow you’re only worth your place in the world if you’re skinny.

I’ve seen what that’s done to all of the women in my life and I can’t stand it. I grew up with my mom having surgery after surgery to lose weight and remove fat and trying out fad diets and taking diet pills. My best friend crying and telling me she’s trying a diet and that she’s fat. Family members telling me I’d be so much prettier if I just lost some weight. A well-meaning former teacher telling me that I look like I lost weight when I’d gained like 10 pounds because she thought it’s what I wanted to hear. Doctors dismissing me because “losing weight will solve it” and ignoring my symptoms and treating weight loss like a cure-all. A coworker telling me that he doesn’t want to be “gross and fat” and making me think...what the fuck do you think about me, then? I spent a lot of my teenage years counting calories and checking the scale and starving myself. I felt guilty for everything I ate and felt I didn’t “deserve” food. I know many many others have the same/similar experiences.

I hate that society has conditioned us to think that fat cannot equal beautiful. Fat doesn’t mean you’re worth less. Fat doesn’t mean you’re not healthy. Weight is just a number. BMI is bullshit. It is hard to love yourself when you’re fat because the entire world is shaming you for it. “How DARE you think you’re attractive and have worth when I, A TOTAL STRANGER, don’t find you attractive or fuckable? How DARE you feel comfortable as a fat person when I personally think that’s wrong?” We are still deserving. Being fat doesn’t make you suddenly subhuman. It is hard. It takes everything in me to not feel like I’m disgusting because I ate a little too much candy instead of something healthy. It shouldn’t BE this way! We shouldn’t be made to hate ourselves! We are fat! So! What!

I know one person saying “oh yeah fuck society for its fatphobia we should LOVE OURSELVES” isn’t gonna solve anything. It’s probably not even gonna make anyone feel better about themselves, but I’d be happy if it does. I’m just sick and tired of being made to feel like shit for something that, in my case, I’m genetically predisposed to and can’t do much about. If you want to lose weight for yourself, go ahead! If you set your mind to it I support you! But if you’re losing weight because other people have told you that you should and you don’t want to, you shouldn’t HAVE to! It is your body and you decide how you feel and what you want to do in regards to your weight. It shouldn’t be forced upon you.

#Alex.gay #don't reblog I don't wanna get into any discourse orbullshit I'm just sharing my feelings #long post //

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rahullkohli · 5 years

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about the weight watchers app for kids...i’m thinking it may be for overweight/obese kids? i can see it being mentally taxing for those who are at a normal weight for their size. can you explain more about how it’s child abuse?

hello. thank you so much for actually being chill and open for a dialogue, unlike how aggressive people have been about the post.

anyway, i have been thinking about how to tackle this one the entire day, and i am afraid it’s gonna be a long one, so i’ll put it under a cut. i’m just gonna start out with a little background about myself, to explain how i am forming my opinions on the subject, and where my knowledge comes from.

i have been overweight more or less my entire life, even though i have gone through anorexia and bulimia, and have been eating below my necessary calorie intake literally my entire life (i grew up very poor, so we just simply didn’t have enough, or satisfyingly nourishing, food in the house). to this day i struggle with disordered eating patterns and body dysmorphia. i have been lifting weights on/off for 12 years, and i have been seeing a licensed nutritionist for a year and a half now, which has helped me lose 22 kg. i am still working on it. i have worked with a long line of fitness trainers (my mom is a licensed fitness trainer, for one), and about three different nutritionists. so while i don’t have any education in either of those fields, i have worked with professionals that have taught me a lot. i have also studied psychology in college for a year, and specifically child psychology for another year - i also spent a year working with kids ages 2-6.

my two youngest sisters did a weightwatchers program when they were around 8 and 10, so i have also seen upclose how that works. that was many years ago - and not in america - so i do know that the way things worked then/works in america compared to where i live, may not be the exact same. but the guidelines for the company, and their strategies should be the same, since it is afterall the same company. now, both of my sisters lost weight. they also gained it back. and more, and more, and both of them are extremely overweight today. in the way that i am the “thin” sister, compared. and they are eating disordered. they have no grasp of how to deal with food. they are intelligent women, and they know the basics of “if you eat too much pizza and ice cream, you will gain weight” but they don’t know, and don’t have the energy, to apply it to how they live. they are not only compulsive overeaters, they also don’t have a healthy eating pattern that could help stabilize their metabolism.

okay, so with that out of the way, let’s get to the actual app - and weightwatchers.

the app offers a diet, even though it is a fact that diets do not work. they literally do not. people who go on a diet will gain the weight right back on, and more. because diets are short-term solutions, and they are designed to make someone lose X amount of weight in X amount of time. it is not sustainable - just as with the oh-so-popular juice cleanses. for someone to lose weight, and keep it off, a complete lifestyle change is needed, but that is just not as simple as some companies, magazines, blogs, etc. will make it sound. because every single person is unique and what their body needs to maintain a healthy weight is unique to them specifically. in order to lose weight your daily calorie intake needs to be in a caloric deficit, but this depends on your height, your current weight, how your body is built, and more. those are things the app simply don’t take into account. now, i haven’t actually downloaded the app myself (i refuse to give them the clicks), but a licensed trainer i follow on instagram posted screencaps on her story. as far as i could see they take height and weight, and that’s that. but the human body is much more complex than just height and weight - especially when it comes to children and teenagers, who are growing, and going through tremendous hormonal changes. but i will get to that later.

what should also be taken into account are things like hormonal imbalances, and the fact that people breaks down macronutrients (carbhohydrates, proteins and fats) differently. fx, my sisters have poly cystic ovary syndrome (pcos), which means that their bodies can’t handle carbohydrates very well, whereas i need most carbs, medium protein, small amounts of fats. but apps like these don’t take that into account, because it is impossible for an app to do a check for what every single individual needs. i for example recently found out that my body doesn’t break down dairy very well. i have been using plant based milk, yogurt, ice cream and butter, instead of animal based for years, and only very small amounts of animal based cheese, so when my nutritionist had me switch to animal based yogurt i started gaining weight. i went back to plant based and the weight went off.

nutrition and a healthy lifestyle cannot be taught simplistic, because it is about the individual, and it takes a trial, error and do-over period to find what works for your specific body. and what works for your body now, might not have worked ten years ago, or ten years from now, because hormones changes how our bodies processes macronutrients. but this app is a “one size fits all”-system.

and this system. the system it is using is based on shaming children; making them feel inadequate, making them scared, and ashamed of their bodies. the “before and after” photos i have seen, have all been kids who weren’t even that big to begin with. and the fact that the “goals” to choose from when signing up includes choices such as “make my parents proud” is manipulative and destructive for a child/teenager. no kid should ever even have the thought that they need to be a certain weight/size, or their parents won’t be proud of them. the entire set-up is sowing the seed that their weight is the deciding factor for their worth as people, which is the beginning to eating disorders.

now, kids’ bodies really start changing around the age of eight (the age of which you can sign up for this monster); these years are called pre-teens for a reason. hormones really start flowing, and body fat is really needed to help the hormones and toxins take care of the body. but if a child is forced to lose excessive amounts of body fats, this can’t happen. this is one of the reasons that professional child ballerinas, gymnasts, ice skaters, etc. don’t develop until very late. some don’t even get their period until their twenties, because their development has been stunted by excessive dieting and exercising.

their psyche of children and teens are also really delicate, and they are in the process of developing what kind of people they are going to be. not only that, also what their relationships with their bodies are gonna be like. if they are constantly told by their parents/siblings/apps that they need to lose weight, that they have to track and count every calorie they consider eating, and every step they take, does that seem like a healthy foundation for how they view their body, nutrition and exercise in the future?

the way the app works is with the so-called stoplight system, where if when you put in a food it will either give you a green light (good), yellow light (medium) or red light (bad) - but the thing is that, again, that is not how simple nutrition is. you would think that the red foods would be soda, ice cream, chips etc., and the green foods would be stuff like fruits and vegetables. but again, the trainer i followed said that she put in her food for the day: a protein bar, two eggs with bread, and a piece of fruit. the protein bar came up red, the eggs and bread yellow and the fruit green. now, all of these foods are things that are written down in my carefully calculated meal plan from my nutritionist. in my plan i also have lots of vegetables, pasta, rice, chicken, even chocolate and chips. but the thing is that it’s all about how much of it i eat. and that is another thing the app doesn’t seem to take into consideration. if i was to put in nothing but vegetables it would give me green light the whole way, but it would not be nourishing for a whole day.

this app is forming their minds to spend all their energy worrying about what they eat, when they eat, how they eat. think of an eight year old with this app going to a birthday party - do you think they would be able to enjoy regular kiddie birthday party food, with the red light in the back of their heads? even if it is just one day? this app is gonna rob them of their childhood, and being able to enjoy life.

so, what i am trying to say is that the app is bad because the system doesn’t work. it is not teaching healthy habits, it is not giving advice on how to obtain a sustainable weightloss, and it doesn’t care about whether the children are actually overweight or not. it is created by a company whose sole purpose is to make money.

i don’t think that all of the parents who are buying into this are doing it because they are evil; i do believe that they think they are doing what is best for their children, but their views on body images and nutrition have also been skewed by the media and the diet culture we are living in. parents may look at their daughter’s chubby cheeks and think she’s unhealthy when she is literally just a kid with puppy fat that she will grow out of once adolescence hits. sure, there are kids who are truly in an unhealthy state with their bodies, but then the parents should have the help from a licensed professional, starting out with seeing a doctor who can tell them whether their child truly is overweight to a degree that it is dangerous, and from there on be referred to professionals that knows what they are doing. kids shouldn’t feel guilty when eating, but they will with this app.

i do realize that overweight is a problem, for both children and adults - not just in america, but most of the western world. (fun fact: the other day i saw a program that said that china is, as of 2017, the “fattest” country in the world, so it’s not just the western world, i just don’t have enough information about other places to say anything about that.) but a “one size fits all”-app is not the way to handle this issue. there are way too many layers to the problem to fix that.

not only is it important to remember that overweight does not equal unhealthy, regardless of age, gender, race, or anything else, but unhealthy overweight is especially tied to low-income persons, as nourishing food is much more expensive and accessible to people with middle-class and above incomes.

there is also the fact that education about proper nourishment is non-existent. what people know about dietary information is what they get from the media, where they will tell you garbage like goat milk is bad one day, and literally the next the same publication will tell you it’s the fountain of youth. it’s unreliable, and has no roots in actual science. even statistics can’t be trusted, because those often stem from surveys and projects paid for by big cooperations who are paying for an outcome in their favor.

so, to sum it all up; this app is based on a system that uses bodyshaming and guilt to throw kids and adults alike into a vicious cycle of yo-yo weight patterns, eating disorders and hateful relationships with themselves, their bodies and their sense of selfworth. i don’t think parents who buys into this app are overall evil, but it is an obvious tool for abusive parents who uses guilt, shame, punishment and scare tactics to manipulate their children into the above mentioned unhealthy patterns, because the parents themselves are victims of the fatphobic diet culture we are living in. not to mention that the parents don’t have access to proper information themselves.

aside from that, you can also see in the notes of the original post, that there are incredibly many people, who will tell stories about how forced diet in their childhood/teen years has been a kickstart to a lifelong series of mental and physical health issues.

this app is preying on scared parents to capitalize of a beauty obsessed ideal that is completely unrealistic.

i have also written a post about nutrition here that may be of interest to anyone reading this.

i am open to any questions, and constructive criticism. other than that i just hope i have been able to explain why i believe this app is harmful, and that it has been an informative read. thank you so much for reading to the end.

xxx

#anonymoose #ask #wwasks #nutrition #mental health #food tw #eating disorders tw #body image tw

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bisansastarks · 5 years

Text

Healthy Eating Guide

I had an anon who asked to give me my best healthy eating/living tips.

First off, before you begin- remember to always be kind to yourself. Changing your eating and living style is a process. It will not happen over night. You will have days you give in and eat that cupcake- AND THAT IS OKAY. If you go in with the mentality that if you do this and that, you are bad- you will fail.

Healthy living is about being kind to yourself. It’s about forgiving yourself. That is my one number one tip.

Set up a grocery list and free 1 hour (but for the beginning most likely two) to meal prep. Meal prep is my second biggest tip for healthy living. Do you know how many time I’ve been EXHAUSTED from work and had nothing cooked at home and drove past a Mcdonalds? Trust me. Meal preps will save your life. It takes time. Buy a lot of Ziploc bags or Tupperware too. The cool thing is, you don’t really have dishes for the rest of the week and you save time too.

There are a lot of different diet plans you can go with. Some people go Keto. Some people cut out all carbs and sugar. You can try experimenting with it. Some people go vegan and that really works for them. For me, with my depression. I can’t cut out all carbs and sugar- it affects my mood. You wanna be aware of that- it can affect your mood. Now I guarantee the first few days you will be cranky but if you’re feeling truly depressed a week in- your body is telling you something is wrong. I personally go for high protein and calorie watch.

My grocery list looks like this: eggs (you can try to just eat egg whites but a large is 78 calories so it’s really not that bad people are lying to you), ground turkey, turkey cold cuts, chicken breasts, veggies, one or two fruits (fruits contain a lot of sugar, not saying you can’t have as much fruit as you want but it’s best to limit yourself to choosing no more than three different fruits a week), non fat greek yogurt (my marathon running brother highly recommends cottage cheese but I personally find it gross as fuck) snack packs- look at stuff kids eat, they’re small portions but they’re TASTY!!! (Goldfish and pretzels are my go to beef up a boring lunch of cold cuts) and then personally I have a missive sweet tooth and to me, healthy living is NOT DENYING PARTS OF YOURSELF. So I spend a bit of money on low cal sweet treats. This weekend I bought myself three different low cal ice creams. If you’re a cheese girl- BUY THAT CHEESE. Just eat in small doses. If you love pasta- buy some pasta and eat small portions. If you go into a diet thinking you need to deny yourself and hate everything you’re gonna eat- it’s not gonna last.

Healthy food can get boring, lets get real here. I HIGHLY recommend stocking up your spice jars. Condiments can also be a good send. Olive oil based mayo is much less calories and goes great in some tuna. if you like spicy things- get some hot sauce, some siracha, etc etc. Those things have almost no calories. And here’s the trick- if you’re eating healthy all day, sometimes it’s okay if your condiments even have high calories. Get that BBQ sauce. Sweet potatoes are A GODSEND they are so good for you- but if you wanna indulge your sweet tooth, dip them in a bit of olive oil (I will warn you olive oil is VERY fatty so use that careful) and sprinkle some brown sugar on top. It won’t kill your diet, I promise you. ALSO go on pinterest! Copy everything!

CHEAT MEALS ARE SO IMPORTANT. I’m telling you there is no greater high than a well deserved cheat meal. I would start out being kinder to yourself and then getting more strict. For instance, if I was just starting out I’d do a cheat ITEM maybe once every four days. So not a whole meal but one thing- maybe a candy bar, a small bag of chips, a small mcdonalds fries. Then I’d maybe do a cheat once every fourteen days but I’d make it a whole meal. If you’ve been doing it for six months why don’t you give yourself a day where you don’t even think about it. Now I’m not saying on that day you eat three donuts for breakfast, mcdonalds for lunch, and a lasagna for two for dinner- but let yourself not count every calorie that day and say yes to what you want, in reason. ALSO: always ALWAYS plan your cheat meals. There is nothing worse than a cheat meal that doesn’t satisfy you. It will seriously just make you feel like crap that you wasted all those calories on something you weren’t completely salivating over.

Start a food journal. Even if you’re not into counting calories, just taking the time to think about what you’re ingesting will help you be more mindful. I’ve done notebooks but right now I use the Foodplate app and I find it really useful. (don’t do the premium it’s worthless the free version works great)

Anyone who tells you should or can be losing 5 to 10 pounds a week is fucking lying to you. Unless you weigh about 600 pounds that is not feasible or healthy. At my heaviest I weighed 280 and I lost 3 pounds a week and that is what doctors recommend. If you’re losing more, you are starving yourself. It is not healthy and it is NOT sustainable. You will get frustrated and give up and gain it all back.

Drink lots of water! There are water drinking apps. It will help you stay full, and just keep you so much healthier. I also recommend adding chia seeds to your water because that helps you feel more full.

Okay here’s my healthy eating guide. Let me know if anyone is interested in a Gym/ Workout guide!

EDIT: I’m being an utter hypocrite here, but try to cut out diet soda. It will make you bloat which will effect when you weigh yourself.

#healthy eating #dieting #healthy eating guide #my guide

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anxietys-room · 5 years

Note

I‘m 5’7 and I weigh 136.4lbs as of right now. I’m dead terrified. I haven’t weighed myself in quite a while and it’s been so long since my numbers have been this high. I’ve started to let loose a bit about this mostly because people always got angry with my concerns about this but now it’s all just coming back and I’m really started to get scared. I hate the routine I was in that kept me at more comfortable numbers, but now I haven’t been worried and the numbers JUMPED. What do I do please -🎀

Also, I’m just gonna add, nobody I’ve ever seen, even online, have the same body type that I seem to have so when my weigh comes up everyone is mad because they always say “you’re not fat” as if it’s tricking obvious. But I don’t see it, I see pudge and flab and nobody ever helps me. I’m losing my mind, at least at the moment, and I’m really really scared I’m sorry -🎀

-----------------

Hey there, bow! I'm sorry your friends aren't being supportive of your struggle. It doesn't help when they brush you off. Please let them know that you feel invalidated and that this is actually something you're struggling with. Let them know that you trust them and that's why you're telling them about it.

A healthy way to stay at a steady weight is a regular exercise routine and diet. If you're still not convinced, talk with a doctor about other options.

Just know that you are valid. You deserve to be heard and taken seriously.

-Mod Christa

#anxiety's room #weight gain #unsupportive friends #mod christa

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jamaisvu002 · 6 years

Text

I don’t usually talk much on here and I have no idea why. The couple times I have said something out loud I found kinda therapeutic in a way. So I’m gonna give it a try in case it helps to just vomit everything I have on my mind right now in here.

I love animals and especially cats. I have two myself and I love them to death. The other one I have had now for about 17 years and she is still doing fine. I have learned to accept the fact that at some point I’m gonna have to say goodbye to her. It’s still hard to think about cos I used cry every single time I even thought about it. When someone’s been there for most of your life it’s impossible to the even try to think about what it would be like without them.

I mean my mom even said to me the other day when on tv they asked “what makes home feel home to you” and her answer was “the cats” and I get her I can’t imagine a life without them they are a huge part of my life like everyday.

We have another cat that’s now about 5 years old. She is a rescue one. My mom found her and her siblings from our cousins farm. They were back there sleeping on top of a pile of hay. Their mom never came back so my mom felt bad and wanted to take at least one home. She chose one and the rest two were taken by our cousins.

She is just a normal short hair cat and we all love her. She has that gene that she got fat really easily even tho she ate the same foods as our older cat. But she is healthy though I mean the doctor said if it’s possible she can try and lose a kilo but if not then it’s fine too cos for cats it’s very hard to try and make them lose weight.

Anyway, couple years ago she had her first seizure. Me and my brother were home alone and we were both freaking out I was in tears screaming that I don’t want her to die and I called my mom and I was freaking out and had a panic attack that something is happening to her. After we calmed down and did some research and called the vet we found out that she is epileptic and that’s what causes the seizures. At first she didnt have them much like it was once every three months or something. Now they are like every two months or once a month. Which is still alright cos the vet said that when it’s two weeks apart then we can start to think about the medication.

This cat is so sweet and cute and I love her to death. She sleeps next to me almost every night despite the fact that I sometimes accidentally kick her in my sleep she still stays there. She always comes next to me and purrs and wants me to scratch her neck and she also hops on my mom’s belly and does that thing with her paws that we call “baking buns” cos that’s what it looks like. I had a point in my life where I loved that cat more than anything else cos I felt like she was there for me in a spiritual way.

I can’t even begin to tell you how bad it breaks my heart to see her have those seizures. This tiny creature that’s so innocent and cute and should never have to deal with anything like that, suddenly in her sleep starts to convulse and falls down from my bed or from the sofa and then after few minutes lays there on the floor catching her breath and suddenly starts to meow in panic cos she has no idea what just happened. I’m literally in tears while writing this.

She is so brave and has always gotten through with it fine and usually the next day has gotten back to being herself. It hurts my heart so much to think that it’s just her life like the seizures just happen every now and then and I have to just act like it’s normal. Every single time I hear her have one I instantly run to her and I tell her it’s gonna be okay and I carefully pet her or scratch her neck and think to myself how fucking unfair this is.

It has gotten to a point where I had to have a convo with my mom cos I wanted to make her promise to me that if there’s anything else that happens to this cat health vise we are gonna have to let her go because it’s not fair to her. It’s already hard with the seizures and to think more stuff added to that cos she is already stressing it’s not good and I don’t want her to go through that. My mom promised that we are gonna consider it then if something happens.

She said to me that I shouldn’t feel bad or sad about it cos we gave her a life. Best possible life and she is so happy and she has given us all so much joy. She has eaten her favourite stuff and got to play with her toys and even go outside and just live life to the fullest so if it’s her time to go it’s fine. She is gonna be fine cos she had a good life and we knew she was happy living with us.

When taking pets there’s always the reality that you’d have to say goodbye to them at some point and it’s much sooner than with people. And they are only there for a certain part of your life but during that time they still become family. To me my cats are my sisters and my mom is their mom. They are my family and they make my life a lot better. Because even thinking about the goodbyes makes me cry so badly I often think that I can’t ever have another pet cos losing them is just too hard. I mean these tiny hairy creatures are just everything to me and even though I have made myself accept that at some point it’s time to let go it’s still hard and I’m still sad whenever I think about it.

This is just a little thing if you are thinking about getting one you are going to love them so much that its going to be same as losing a family member. I know it sounds dramatic but they are my family and at one point I thought no one would understand how much they mean to me but I’m sure that everyone who has or has had a pet they know what I mean when I say that they are family.

Why did I wrote this? Well tonight again I watched my little one have her seizure and now she is feeling poorly again after it and is too tired to even move and I felt so fucking bad I was just petting her and crying. It’s so hard to even try and go to sleep cos I’m just so worried. Even though I know she is going to be fine like always but something in me just wants to believe the worst sometimes.Even though the seizures are now kinda normal for us and we know how it’s gonna go it still freaks me out and I’m constantly like trying to analyse her and think when it’s gonna happen again, so I’ll be ready. I might look like I’m fine from the outside when it happens but inside I’m lowkey freaking out everytime. I’m anyway such and emphatic person that when someone I care about is in pain I’m in pain as well it’s sometimes a lot to handle but I mean when I love, I love with all my heart and it fucking shows.

Anyway this is just me clearing my head so I can hopefully try and sleep soon I’m sorry for the novel sized rant but I just didn’t know what else to do so I let it out on here.

#personal shit #sorry for the long ass text

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lindafrancois · 3 years

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That’s a good goal.

Alternatively, you could also work on a reoccurring habit that will indirectly help your goal.

EXAMPLE: “I’m going to walk to Mordor by walking a mile every day for a month. If I go for a walk, I win.”

This allows you to review your day/week with a simple question: “Did I do what I set out to do?”

Whichever method you decide, it’s important to be deliberate in your actions:

If you are setting goals – be SUPER SPECIFIC, write them down, and plan them out.

If you are building new habits – add them to your calendar, set phone alarms or alerts, and do them EVERY DAY.

Understand that Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Optimus Prime didn’t transform in one move. This is NOT a diet, or a quick fix, but a LIFESTYLE CHANGE. Don’t expect results overnight, or abs in two weeks. Slow, steady progress.

Next, we need to…

B) Identify your Kryptonite.

Think back to the last time(s) you tried to get in shape and lose weight.

How successful were you?

How long did you stick with it?

What made you fall off the wagon?

If you failed, congratulations!

You already know which “get in shape” method doesn’t work for you.

It’s simply the wrong piece of the puzzle you’re trying to solve.

They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

So unless you enjoy not getting results, don’t try to get in shape the same way you did last time…it AIN’T gonna work!

If you counted calories, ran on a treadmill, and did kickboxing and you’re not happy with the results, it’s time to try something new.

Ask yourself:

Did work got busy or you went on vacation?

Was it because you actually hated exercising?

Whatever it was, you need to pick a different strategy this time.

C) Find an activity that makes you happy, and do it all of the time.

Do you like to run? Awesome, do that (just do it right).

Do you like to lift weights? Awesome, make sure your workouts don’t suck.

Maybe you like yoga, or dodgeball, or Ultimate Frisbee, or rock climbing, or whatever!

If you tell me that “I don’t like to exercise,” then you just haven’t found the activity that makes you happy yet.

Here are 40 Ways to Exercise Without Realizing It.

We’re genetically designed to be active, so find something you enjoy doing.

So if you “don’t like exercise,” it’s time to try new things until you find something that you DO like.

Sign up for a new class, join your company’s running club for a day, try out something in your basement or living room, just keep trying new stuff until you find something that you like.

And then do it as often as you can. As long as you’re consistently under your daily caloric energy expenditure, you will lose weight.

D) Supercharge your results and build a great physique.

And last but not least, learn how to get strong.

Getting stronger is one of the BEST things you can do to lose weight and get in shape.

Your body processes calories differently when you are strength training compared to other forms of exercise.

Coach Matt explains this in our video for body recomposition:

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If you want more here, check out Losing Fat and Gaining Muscle (at the Same Time).

A quick explanation:

Your body needs to burn extra calories to rebuild all the muscles you just worked out during a strength training workout.

Therefore, there will be fewer calories to go around to store as fat!

This leads to lower body fat percentage and tighter muscles.

WIN WIN WIN!

My Advice: don’t overcomplicate things.

Here is a basic beginner bodyweight workout today that you can do in your own home too:

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Here are 7 more Home Workouts for you to wet your whistle with.

Oh, what’s that? You enjoy working out in a gym?

Great! Here are 6 Beginner Gym Workouts you can start today.

And if you need even more examples, here are 15 Circuit Training Workout Routines to follow too!

To recap, here’s how to start getting in shape today:

Determine your goals or habits you want to establish.

Determine why your previous attempts didn’t work.

Pick a fun exercise that makes you happy, and do it. A lot.

Get stronger than you were yesterday.

If you’re overwhelmed at the very idea of how to get in shape, I hear ya.

From bootcamps to “What is CrossFit” to Weight Watchers to paleo to vegan to Klingon, how are you supposed to make sense of all this information to find the right path?

The truth is that there is no ONE path that works for everybody.

So, if you want a coach to build a workout program and diet plan that’s specific to YOUR unique situation, check out our 1-on-1 Online Coaching Program.

Step 4: Who is On Your Squad? (Support)

Last but not least, you need support.

Yes, I understand it’s kind of fun to be an army of one: the lone ranger trying to succeed against insurmountable odds….but it’s not necessary.

Once you decide to get in shape, want to know the best way to guarantee success?

Here are 5 ways to find support while getting in shape:

#1) Consider making it public.

Tell your friends, start a blog, and/or inform your co-workers and ask them to keep you accountable!

Unless you like being called a quitter, you’ll probably think twice about skipping out on your workouts.

Maybe your word isn’t your bond, and you need a different kind of motivation and support to succeed.

#2) Put your money where your mouth is.

My buddy Saint said he would pay his friends $500 if he didn’t get in absolutely incredible shape for his wedding six months down the road.

Saint didn’t have $500 to lose, so he decided instead to just get in great shape…and it worked.

#3) Build your own Jedi Council.

Find people who are:

Stronger than you and work out with them.

Faster than you and run with them.

More educated than you and ask them questions.

There could even be a droid out there you’re looking for…

These are people that you can turn to when you need advice or help. If you don’t know anybody in real life, keep reading…

#4) Find a workout buddy, hire a trainer, or hire a coach!

There are going to be days when you want to sleep in and skip your workout. There will be afternoons following a crappy day of work where all you want to do is play Halo.

Find somebody who’s at a similar level of fitness as you, and work out with them!

He/she will push you on days when you’re dragging, and vice versa.

You can inspire and support each other, feed off of each other’s success, and offer up tough love when the complaining gets too much (and yes, there will be complaining).

Now, let’s say you’re the ONE person in your group of friends that wants to get in shape.

Or you’re the only person in your office who doesn’t stuff his face every day. Maybe you don’t have anybody to turn to for support or advice…

Welp, we’ve got you covered:

The Nerd Fitness community – a persistently amazing, always inspiring, never judgmental group of people who want nothing more than to help you succeed.

I have never been more excited and proud to be part of a community.

Or if you want to take it to the next level…

#5) Join our coaching program: If you like the cut of our jib, consider hiring one of our nerdy trainers to keep you accountable and answer any questions you have.

I’ve been working with an online trainer for 4+ years now and it’s the best money I spend each month.

Work with an online personal trainer and get results that actually last. Learn more:

Real Talk: How Quickly can I get in Shape? How Fast Can I lose Weight?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Pick a goal that you hope to accomplish in the next 30 days and then start working towards it.

Keep it simple but specific, and get started today.

But I know your next question:

“How fast can I get in shape, Steve?”

We have a full article right here answering that question, but I’ll give you the short honest answer here:

You can expect to lose around 1-2 pounds per week safely if you start reducing your calorie intake (80% of the equation) and moving more (20% of the equation).

I know there are absurd diets like the Military Diet that says “Lose 10 pounds in 7 days!” But don’t believe it.

Temporary changes create temporary results!

And our goal is for you to be slightly healthier today than you were yesterday.

And then healthier and happier next year compared to this year.

It means you should be thinking in terms of Years and Days, not weeks and months:

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Instead of asking “How quickly can I lose weight?” instead ask “What do I need to do to build the right habits NOW so they become automatic LATER?”

Do a few push-ups.

Go for a walk.

Eat a vegetable.

Join the Rebellion – start fixing your nutrition with small changes today.

If you just finished reading these 2,500 words and you’re still overwhelmed, you’re not alone!

This stuff overwhelms the best of us. If you are looking for a bit more hands-on instruction, or you really want the peace of mind knowing that you’re doing the correct program, I got ya!

We have three options that have both helped thousands upon thousands of people like you get started:

#1) Most involved: Our 1-on-1 coaching program where a NF coach will get to learn your situation, your lifestyle, and your experience, and then build a workout program and nutritional strategy that fits into your busy life.

We get to know you better than you know yourself, and we’ve got the results to prove it! Consider checking out our coaching program if you’re looking for that next level of expert guidance and accountability.

Our coaching program is like having Yoda in your pocket (not literally). Learn more:

#2) Go-At-Your-Own-Pace, Do It Yourself: Nerd Fitness Journey. This is our app that allows you to get in shape while building your own superhero..

Tons of bodyweight workout plans (no gym required), a nutritional program that won’t make any scary changes, video demonstrations exercises, boss battles, daily wins, and group challenges!

Oh, and you’ll earn XP and receive loot the whole time.

And don’t forget to…

#3) Join the Rebellion! We need good people like you in our community, the Nerd Fitness Rebellion. You’ll meet individuals who are attempting to get in shape the 1st time or the 50th time, all who want to better themselves alongside of you.

Sign up in the box below to enlist and get our Rebel Starter Kit, which includes all of our “work out at home” guides, the Nerd Fitness Diet Cheat Sheet, and much more!

Get your Nerd Fitness Starter Kit

The 15 mistakes you don’t want to make.

Full guide to the most effective diet and why it works.

Complete and track your first workout today, no gym required.

Big things come from small beginnings, so pick the tiniest change or action you can take to get started, and then repeat that every day.

As you start to build the habit, you can increase the ‘difficulty’ and try something a bit more challenging, but it all starts with habit building.

Educate yourself, find your inspiration, and create your support group.

Welcome to the Rebellion.

Any questions?

-Steve

###

Day 346, Lunar School Bus, Not All Heroes Wear Capes, Family Portrait, Mountain Biker

The post Blog first appeared on Nerd Fitness.

How to Get in Shape Quickly and Safely: 4-Step Beginner Guide published first on https://dietariouspage.tumblr.com/

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kimberlylam1997 · 4 years

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the-indecorous-flower · 7 years

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Taking a break from my usual discourse to proudly tell everyone that I’ve lost at least 3kgs since I started tracking my diet and my weight three weeks ago.

My weight when I started was around 97/98kgs which is pretty heavy for a girl my height. Not obese or morbidly obese but definitely along the lines of “Hey turn back now or else you’re gonna get super super unhealthy soon.

Now I’m down to 95/96. My goal is to drop at least 30kgs and be somewhere in the 60s range (A healthy weight recommended by my doctor and dietician. Don’t worry).

Just to share with you guys a bit of healthy weight loss info, heres a bunch of shit I’ve learned.

1. Drink more water: Yeah I know it’s really really run of the mil but water is honestly the healthiest thing you can drink, it’s got no sugars in it and hydrates your body. I basically just keep a big water bottle full beside me all day now and when I feel like drinking crap I take a sip from the water bottle because I’m probably only drinking out of boredom and one cup of soda will turn into two then three then four (and you get the picture).

2. If you absolutely cannot live without soda or flavoured drinks, a good substitute is cordial and soda water. For you americans cordial is this and I don’t know what you guys call it over there but it’s basically a concentrated fruit flavoured syrup you mix a little bit with water and bam, you got a flavoured drink.

Don’t make it super strong and try to find one that contains the least ammount of sugar and preferably uses real fruit. I can definitely say it’s better for you than soda.

3. Cut back on alcohol especially premix

It has a shit tonne of sugars in it normally and isn’t good for your liver anyways. If you want alcohol, opt for a spirit like vodka or gin and mix it in with some soda water and a little bit of juice, and try not to go on benders every weekend. If you’re partying and want to get shitfaced, I won’t judge. But I will let you know that I got shitfaced quite recently and it undid a weeks worth of dieting. So keep that in mind, one night worth of shitfacery will set you back one week (maybe more).

4. Fad diets are stupid. Just eat right.

By eat right I mean this. As of today cut back ALL your junk food intake. You got packaged potato chips? Good. Don’t eat them. Cookies? Not anymore. Burger King, Mcdonalds, KFC, Hungry Jacks, or any major fast food you can possibly think of? Enjoy the extra few dollars in your pocket you no longer need to give those people your money.

What you do instead, is you make yourself a big spreadsheet, covering monday to sunday.

You got a column for your breakfast, next a column for a snack, then column for your lunch, another snack column, then one for your dinner and lastly one for your excercise.

Then you’re gonna sit down and plan out every meal for every day of the week. After that write a shopping list and make sure you have everything for your meals that week, and rinse and repeat the week afterwards.

So what makes an ideal meal?

Well thats subjective really, it all depends on whats good for you, but one general rule to follow is if you get an average sized plate (Not a super massive one btw I know it’s fashionable for people to make plates big nowdays) on that plate, you have one quarter be protein, one quarter be carbs and half of your plate should be non carb vegetables.

vegetables cooked into your meal count in your vegetable intake

same goes for carbs in your meal

Do this every day and I can guarantee you’ll begin to lose weight and feel really good.

5. Some benefits I’ve noticed

Well since cutting down on all my crap food and drinking more water I have more energy, I used to require lots and lots of sleep. Like sometimes I’d sleep in until mid day even if I got an early night the night before. Now I wake up quite early, usually 7am or 8am.

My period this month has been less painful than normal, and overall I’d say the blood smells healthier (weird I know but it smells strongly of iron and meat and honestly I’d say it doesn’t smell bad at all?), I’ve managed to go painkiller free for my period this month which is an interesting experience to say the least.

My skin is also clearer, it’s especially clear on days where I’ve excercised and sweated a lot.

Food costs are less expensive.

6. Some affordability advice

So if you’re going to shop for food, do your entire weeks shopping at the beginning of the week. Make big portions so you can freeze some leftovers for days or weeks where you don’t feel like cooking.

Find the cheapest food sources.

For example what my partner and I currently do is we shop at ALDI for a good deal of what we need because it’s all super cheap. We shop at Coles or Woolworths to get certain items ALDI doesn’t stock (We get our deli hams and pet food from coles or woolworths) and then all the vegetables, fresh fruit, or eggs we need we get from a fruit and veg market nearby.

For about two people this comes to about $100-150 AUD a week but if I really cut down on food variety and meat quality I could feasibly do our shopping for under $100 a week.

If you have a butcher nearby I’d say get your meat from the butcher instead of a chain store because that’ll bring your costs down even more.

7. If you don’t have energy to cook or plan all of this

I understand not everyone can make lifestyle changes and that’s ok. If you’re really dead set on losing weight but don’t want to go through all of this trouble to do it, all you really need to do is first, find out the healthy weight for your body. Calculating your BMI isn’t hard and even though it isn’t accurate due to muscles being heavier than fat, it can give you a good place to start when you’re figuring out a goal to set.

After you have your goal, you need to calculate your BMR, thats your basal metabolic rate. It’s basically a calculation of how much energy (and therefore fat) your body consumes just by existing. If you wanna lose weight, eat under that ammount, if you’re underweight and need to gain weight, eat over that ammount. If you accidentally overeat and eat more energy than is required, then you need to excercise a little more that day.

To lose weight just using your BMR requires a lot of calorie counting, but it is a more passive way to lose weight than doing all the things I mentioned.

Anyways so those are my tips, feel free to ask questions! I like helping :)

#fitness #health #diet #excercise

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nicolekidmanwigfactory · 7 years

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ok, so listen to the shit my psychiatrist told me yesterday because IT. IS. JUICY. (TW: eating disorders)

i need to vent but here’s a read more in case you wanna skip this because this is LOOOOOONG

i was describing to her how i’m currently pricing out personal trainers to help me start exercising again in a healthy, non-disordered way because the last three times (in the past 18-24 months or so) that I tried to start working out again, I found myself spiraling and getting overly anxious or unrealistic about my goals, so i’d either overexercise, restrict, and/or purge.

as i described the height of my exercise compulsion-- highest intensity elliptical for 60 minutes or 2000 calories burned (whichever came second) every single day, no exception (Sundays were my off day and I relished them)-- from seven years ago, which was worse than the actual bulimia at times, she just cut me off and said an hour a day wasn’t too bad, ignoring 1. the 2000 calories thing, 2. that i weighed about 130lbs less I do now, and 3. i was either severely restricting or compensating for binge behaviors from voracious appetite swings 4. caused by hormonal fluctuations 5. due to then-undiagnosed thyroid cancer.

BUT WAIT. THERE’S MORE. then she laid into my dietitian and said eating disorder dietitians in general are overly focused on “making sure their patients are comfortable eating” instead of losing weight (if they're ones who need to, of course). ummm...getting me less regimented in my eating is the fucking point. i’d eat something i wasn’t “supposed” to and then purge it somehow (exercise, vomit, restriction, etc.). <-- that’s the fucking basics of the fucking disorder, and that’s not even explicitly mentioning the mental illness aspect.

again, she told ME, A LONG-DIAGNOSED, DEPRESSED GRADUATE STUDENT WITH A HISTORY OF TREATMENT FOR BULIMIA AND OTHER EATING DISORDERS that i need to lose weight. Yes, i know that. does she really think i don’t know that? i wear my clothes and look in the mirror and have been in eating disorder treatment for the past five fucking years. what makes her think this is news to me? does she not think i don’t remember how I bust my ass off to healthily lose 100 pounds in college, and then gained it all back (and then some) in FOUR FUCKING MONTHS when my bulimia turned into binge eating disorder and my EATING-DISORDER AND QUASI-SUICIDAL MIND tricked myself into thinking this was the healthier option?! BECAUSE I SURE AS HELL REMEMBER. she does have the point that my weight is not healthy in the long-term (of course i know that), but neither is a fucking depression and any kind of eating disorder.

i WANT to lose weight but my dietitian agreed to work with me on the condition that my focus COULD NOT be on losing weight (she was gonna work with me no matter what, but she’s a genius with how she approaches her clients) until my eating patterns were stable and the frequency of my disordered behaviors dropped dramatically (which they have- i’ve only purged ONCE in the past year. My binges are not just far and in between but also much smaller and cheaper than they used to be). so if she’s gonna come after my dietitian, this psychiatrist is also coming after me because i would not be where i am without her (+ my therapist).

okay, i did expect some of this coming into the appointment though, so i did subject myself to this a little. she said some of this stuff in october at the first appointment i had with her but i was able to talk back against it in my head and discuss it with my therapist and i didn’t think about it again for a couple weeks. but the shit she was saying yesterday was just so much more inappropriate and insensitive that I only tolerate it for the refills on my meds.

i’m not saying she’s an awful psychiatrist. i just feel she needs to work on her bedside manner, or at least with her overweight eating disordered patients (because we already feel pretty shitty about that, and you don’t even need to have an eating disorder to feel that) or she needs more training in eating disorder treatment protocol. at one point in both appointments, she implied with the subtlety of a sledgehammer that it won’t be possible for me to have good self-esteem at my current size and weight, which completely defeats the point of body positivity and loving yourself at any size (FYI: Loving yourself at any size ≠ pro-obesity. Anyone who says otherwise is looking for a socially acceptable way to hate on fat people. The key word is “any.”).

All this said, she is a capable clinician. the medication regimen she has me on is working beautifully. my depression is so much more stable and the highs and lows of my mood are more like speed bumps and potholes than the mountains and ocean trenches of before. my anxiety is under much better control too (though a lot of that is because of the strategies I’ve been working on with my wonderful therapist) and the anxiety is also more situational. after all, i did go a gay bar by myself last weekend for the first time ever (it was at 2:00 on a Sunday afternoon, but i still did it despite the anxiety!).

I am also so appreciative of her ADHD diagnosis. I was apprehensive at first because the diagnosis was so quick and not even the focus of the appointment, but the medication she put me on is working. i thought that high school killed any enjoyment i once had for serious, intellectual reading, but since the medication i’ve started paging through the plethora of books i’ve bought over the years but never read and gotten absorbed by random pages even though i don’t know what’s going on. I don’t remember the last time was able to concentrate for extended periods of times without a deadline or outside pressure. i can read lengthy journal articles in record time and still absorb the information. the only downside is they kill my appetite, which she admitted she is part of the reason why prescribed them for me. (this part i’m not that upset about since i have been on binge suppressants for years and I see this as an additional tool- I’ve had no urge to abuse them other than the ED voice that instinctually tells me to, but I’ve just ignored it from the beginning).

so even though she is highly insensitive to my needs, she is also a highly capable and otherwise qualified psychiatrist. however, during therapy today, i discussed her comments with my therapist and that I would continue to see her while i searched/waited for an appointment with a different psychiatrist, since I had to wait 7 months to see this current doctor. instead, my therapist jumped on the phone, called a couple numbers and was able to get me an appointment with a psychiatrist she trusted for right after the new year. so i only have to see this current one once more and that’s only so I can get refills and continue my current medication regiment, which been working wonderfully for me.

i didn’t mean to make this so long but it feels good to get this out. my clinician is gonna inform my dietitian (which is making me impatient for my next appointment because she was ready beat a bitch last time because of this doctor and i want to see what she has to say this time) and then, if i didn’t mind, she wanted to bring this up with some managers at her location. i don’t care if she informs some higher ups, i just don’t want my name to get back to the psychiatrist until after the next/last appointment. i’m also going to file a complaint, not for vengeance or anything, just so her superiors can hopefully let her know how other patients might interpret her comments.

at least for me, this psychiatrist’s comments aren’t about me not being able to handle what i don’t want to hear. they were unprofessional, inappropriate, and frankly, uninformed and dangerous. if i hadn’t been further along in my recovery, i might have been liable to abuse my adderall as an appetite suppressant for weight loss purposes, start exercising and dieting again when i’m not mentally ready, or just accept her fat-shaming for what it wasn’t since since it was coming out of the mouth of an MD.

But I’m lucky to be in a place where I can recognize those comments for what they are. And I give credit to my therapist and dietitian, who’ve gotten me that place in the past year and a half (and I guess the current psychiatrist deserves some credit too for her medication regimen that was effective right off the bat, but that’s where I’ll leave it). And to the therapists, dietitians, and doctors I’ve have in the past five years, but mostly to my current ones, because they got me back on track when I moved back to WI and then further along than I have ever gotten before. Their voices are nagging in my ear to myself credit to, so I guess I played my part too.

@lorinwasadiver let me know when you’ve read this bc i want to know your angry thoughts

#tw eating disorder #depression

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fatcanadianmom-blog · 7 years

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A Letter to Myself

Dear Gorgeous, Beautiful, Awesome Woman, Too much? Ok fine. Dear Deanna, I’m writing to you for two reasons. The first is because I am currently sitting in a coffee shop with two hours of free time, sans toddler. This is the first time in a while I’ve had to really talk to you. Check in, and reflect. The second reason is to share with the blogging world. Mostly with people who are in the beginning stages of learning intuitive eating and the whole body love movement. You’ve made a bit of a name for yourself… that fat girl who just talks about how wonderful it is to be fat. I think people may forget that you’re on a journey yourself. It’s an uphill journey, trying to undo twenty plus years of negative messaging, images, bullying, and worst of all, diet culture. I know you began sharing your thoughts and ideas to help yourself just as much as others. Writing helps you process. Forces you to process. Yet, I don’t think it’s quite clear to your friends, family, followers and neighbours, that this is your recovery process. I know you are not claiming to have all the answers. I know that you don’t have it all figured out. They however, might not realize this. You need to do better at sharing your vulnerability, uncertainty and difficulties just as much as the good stuff you’re experiencing from living the body love life. Or trying to. Yes, you want to share this wonderful spring of refreshing self-love and freedom that you’ve discovered. You want to sell it, basically. Most body positive people do. However, that not why you started this… not really. Tell them. Share your story. For your sake and theirs. Tell them how you’ve gone up four sizes since giving yourself permission to eat. Since firing the diet police. Tell them that it’s getting hard to sit in a booth when you go out to a restaurant with your husband. Tell them that you use your loofa on a stick more than you care to admit. Is it horrifying? Shameful? Only if you let it be. You know very well the power of “me too”. Shame can’t survive being shared. You are waiting for carpal tunnel surgery, and I know you’re concerned about personal hygiene during the healing process. You can’t do anything with a non-dominant hand suffering from carpal tunnel! Tell people that you seriously considered dieting again. You made excuses to undo all the work you’ve been doing- just a month of calorie restriction and intense exercise to make recovery easier for yourself and your caretakers. This was a good excuse take another chip off of your metabolism. The few people you told even agreed with you… you were doing it for the “right reasons.” You know being fat is hard. Getting superfat has been super hard. (This made me chuckle.) It’s not all glamour, its not all Instagram “worthy” with #ssbbwfashion. (Super-sized big beautiful woman fashion for those who don’t speak Instagram.) But you know better now… theres nothing to run towards. No eating plan (even if they disguise it as a “lifestyle”) can take the place of your biology. Diets don’t work. Calories in, calories out if not a proven mathematical equation. A month of surgery recovery time is not worth abusing your metabolism, mind and body. Your body is biologically designed to do what it has to, to keep it alive. To prepare it for survival of what may come. Once it senses you are effectively starving it of calories, (you and I both know that our body knows that sensation very well) it is going to fight you. Remember what dieting felt like? Headaches, intense hunger while you tried to fall asleep at night. Sweating doing simple tasks, feeling so cold because your body didn’t have enough energy to keep all your functions going. Feelings of shame and failure when you couldn’t overcome your biology. People will read this and say,“That doesn’t sound like healthy weight loss”. “There’s a healthy way to lose weight.” “You don’t have to starve yourself.” But they are wrong… a diet is an unmaintainable set of rules to eat by. Diets, however “reasonable”, work short term but usually do more damage long term. (Please note that if you are required to lose weight by a doctor for the relief or cure of a present medical condition, and not just because your doctor is fatphobic, that I think its sensible to follow this advice.) Deanna, you are naturally a bigger person, but no, this size 24 that you are now… its not your set point. Stay the course. Work the 10 principles of Intuitive Eating. Treat your body with kindness. Eat when you are hungry. Stop when you are full. Tune in to your body and recognize how certain foods make your body feel. Focus on gentle nutrition. Move your body because it feels good. (In other words, do NOT put that photo of your ”dream body” back on the screen of your treadmill so you can mentally torture yourself for all that you are NOT.) It will work. Nobody promised it would be easy. But that’s just it Deanna. You tried the easy way… the “clean eating” and the “30 days to a six pack”, sugar free, cleanses. I could go on. It didn’t get you to a place of peace, happiness and feeling good in your body. You have more peace with your very large body now, health issues and all, than you ever have before. You refuse to feel ashamed, and regularly remind yourself of how much MORE you bring to this world than just your dress size. It hasn’t been easy and

I’m so proud of you!! Not everybody can make it as far as you have. You’ve been so strong, and you’re setting a good example for your daughter. I can’t find who said it, but please remember this quote the next time you convince yourself that dieting is the right thing to do; “Don’t waste 95% of your life just to weigh 5% less.” I think it’s healthy to acknowledge the struggles that you’ve been having with Intuitive Eating hun. I bet you you’re far from the only one. Acknowledge that you still eat for reasons other than hunger such as stress, boredom, and procrastination. Wondering if you’ll ever feel neutral about food. Wondering if you’ll ever stop obsessing about food. Wondering if you’ll ever find your set point. The books all say this is part of the journey, but it is still difficult. You start out the day trying to be present while you eat and pay attention to how you feel afterwards. Then life gets busy and next thing you know you’ve had two granola bars for lunch, run off to some appointment, and when 3:30 rolls around you are bingeing on Timbits in the car because you’re so hungry you feel like you’re gonna pass out. Literally. When hunger like that hits, its way too late to check in and see how your body is feeling. That kind of primal hunger guarantees you will overeat and feel like garbage afterwards. Self love is tricky when you’re a SAHM- convention says that your needs come last, and those messages are also super deeply ingrained in you. You’ve made progress though my dear, and have had amazing moments that reaffirm that you are on the right track, but it’s okay to admit that some days you can’t see the finish line, or even imagine it. By nature you are a quitter, or flakey. Both actually. Its okay to admit it. I’m so proud of you for seeing this through. I’m proud of the reading you’ve done, community of support you’ve built around you, and for seeking professional support. I’m also so proud of you for the encouragement and inspiration you have given to women who have reached out and thanked you for sharing this journey publicly. Focus Deanna- on how your body feels, not how it looks. You have so much more in store for you. Have faith in yourself. Love, Me

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edwingqeb833-blog · 5 years

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A Guide To Weight Loss & Control At Any Age

Introduction

If there is certainly a very important factor that all dietitians and obesity experts concur with, it can be that personal motivation will be the first step toward all weight loss success. No matter how healthy the diet-plan, or what mix of calories and nutrition it contains, it won't help anyone lose fat unless they follow it for too long enough. Their willingness to do this depends entirely on how motivated they may be to change their eating and employ habits to accomplish their weight loss goals.

Motivation Advice Hard To Find

The Internet comes with a bewildering variety of diets and weight reduction diet plans, but suggestions about motivation when dieting is extremely short supply. Given the strong link between diet-compliance and motivation, this lack of motivational assistance is surprising, as you would expect. It may stem from the undeniable fact that many diets are set up by people who lack hands-on experience of helping website visitors to manage how much they weigh. Perhaps they see weight-loss like a biological instead of a human process. If so, I think it's actually a mistake.

Motivating Yourself To Lose Weight

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I tell my clients that starting a weight loss weight loss program is like starting a journey. And like every journey it takes preparation. We need to look ahead and plan the best way to overcome issues that occur along the way. By doing this we manage the task and greatly increase our chances of success.

Unfortunately, many dieters don't plan. Instead, they handle things as they come, and trust certain things: their initial enthusiasm, and (when this wears off) their willpower. But enthusiasm and willpower aren't enough to conquer the temptations and difficulties which we face if we try to switch our diet regime and lifestyle.

Stop for a moment and imagine taking all your family members with a camping trip. Do you depend upon your enthusiasm and willpower for food and shelter? Of course not. In all probability, spent hours beforehand carefully packing and be prepared for every eventuality, along with the whole trip is planned well outside in advance.

Yet once you start a diet-journey, most of you determine off without the sort of planning or preparation. It's as you believe that everything goes smoothly. But let's be honest, what diet ever runs smoothly? Answer: none! So what happens if we encounter a big problem? Answer: we wobble, and sometimes quit.

We Need To Plan New Thinking Habits

Planning a diet-journey doesn't involve packing equipment, it requires packing "new thoughts". We need to rehearse and adopt new methods for thinking to get over problems during our journey. This isn't psycho-babble - this is plain wise practice. After all, successful dieting is basically a matter of motivation and attitude. It's about how are you affected between our ears!

The Most Common Dieting Problem

The most frequent problem we face when dieting is boredom. This typically is the place our initial enthusiasm for losing weight wears off, and we become fed up with watching what we eat. We become dispirited and slightly depressed on the idea of getting to take care of our "sensible diet plan" while everyone else is apparently having a great time.

Losing Direction Leads To Boredom

We become bored when we lose our sense of direction. So to conquer it, we must reestablish where by we are going. Remember, dieting is just not an aimless process, it's really a journey from A to B. Here's the way you think if we lose direction:

I'm tired of dieting, it's a real pain. I don't have freedom any longer. I can't eat this, I can't eat that... I'm fed up. I can't share food using the girls in the office, I can't eat at the best restaurants, I must keep saying no to food when I visit friends, I need to watch my loved ones eating looking at me, I don't have plenty of time to exercise properly, I'm never going to lose weight and I'm feeling really miserable. Heck! Life is way too short for this...

This form of thinking is demotivating. It focuses exclusively around the negative areas of dieting and signals complete aimlessness. No fat loss goal is achievable if we think this way.

A Better Way of Thinking

Now let me show you some better alternatives. Please compare them with all the above example.

Example 1

Hmm, my diet isn't going so good. But I'm not going to make excuses. I've wasted the required time making excuses to myself. From now on, no matter what happens, I'm going, to tell the truth with myself. So what do I want? I want to lose weight and acquire myself into shape. Why? Because I want that beach holiday (and other very selfish goal) which I promised myself. I want it so bad I can touch it! Okay, so I should try to learn the best way to eat properly - big deal! I can certainly try this if I put my thoughts to it. Heck! Eating good food isn't difficult. What's difficult is seeing myself being overweight through out my entire life. I want something better. Something as good as a fistful of nachos or perhaps a dollop of fatty dessert.

Example 2

Hmm, my diet isn't going so great. So allow me to remind myself why I'm dieting. All my entire life I've been eating to please other people. My mom said eat this", so I ate it. My school friends said "have some of this", so I had lots. My work colleagues now say "possess a slice on this", so I have two! And my children say "you must try this", so I try it. And every time I make an effort to slim down, everyone says "forget about your diet, eat a number of this" so I do. Well, that's enough! No more eating to please other folks. Today I'm going to start eating to please me. And what pleases me will be the idea of wearing a size (?) dress to my daughter's wedding (or another very selfish goal). I realize I need to nibble on properly, but this can be a ridiculously tiny price to pay for achieving achieve. Heck! Eating good food isn't difficult. What's difficult is carrying my extra weight around throughout the day. I want something better. Something as good as a 4-cheese pizza or even a box of cookies."

Example 3

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it will. Never mind, I'm sure this is quite normal. I can't expect to switch my regular diet regime without a few hiccups in the process. Besides, I'm searching for a lot more than the matter of minutes of ale I get from filling my stomach with junk. I want a very long time of pleasure - real pleasure from looking great and being taken seriously and who knows, maybe getting a great partner. I know others see me like a fat person - goodness, from time to time I do too! - but that is exactly WHY I want to switch. I'm sick and tired of being fat. Real tired. And if this implies learning the way to eat good food, then let's take action! And when it gets tough I'm going to login to Anne Collins forum and acquire help. All I know is, I want to make it happen!

Example 4

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it would. This morning I watched my colleagues have a whole birthday cake - it looked delicious - and I sat there feeling miserable and deprived. Then I went for lunch using a friend and opt for tuna salad while she ate half a pizza accompanied by two slices of cheesecake. It was torture! But then I started thinking to myself what's more important - a couple of slices of cheesecake, or perhaps a lean shape?" And I decided that looking good was what I wanted. I know that it's not possible overnight, in case I can persevere and learn good eating habits along the way, I know I'm gonna make it..."

Example 5

Hmm, my diet isn't going as smoothly as I thought it would. But at the very least it isn't really a race. So who cares if I have several wobbly moments, providing I get where I want to go. At 26 I'm in the prime of my well being, and I want to make probably the most from it. I'm sick and tired with my slim friends getting all the best guys. I want to turn a couple of heads myself. I want the interest and I desire to be taken seriously, and when I need to spend 1 year dieting - heck! I'm gonna get it done. Last week I saw a pal of mine within the hospital who lost a leg in a car crash. The doctors say it requires her 1 year to relearn the best way to walk. Now which is tough. By comparison, my journey is not hard. And as long as I keep reminding myself on this, I'll be fine.

Points To Remember

1. A weight loss program is an outing from A to B.

2. Feeling bored is often a sign we have been losing our direction.

3. When we lose direction we have to regain it, fast!

4. The way to regain direction is usually to remind yourself that are used for dieting.

5. You are dieting because you want something superior to a plate of fattening food.

Getting Help To Lose Weight

Changing our diet regime is less difficult once we get support from others. So make sure your internet weight management plan includes membership of an forum. Because only people can offer you the form of encouragement you need to achieve your own personal weight reduction goals.

#weight loss #diet #slim

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welllbeing · 8 years

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THINGS THAT I LIKE ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND

is it possible to have a friend crush?? like I really really really love him a lot and I will talk about him all day but I’m not in love, I love him as a best friend. does that make sense? idk. anyway.

• he calls me every day when he wakes up, calls me when he’s bored, and then calls me when he’s in bed to say goodnight and even though he sometimes interrupts my day its still nice to know that I’m important enough to call like that lol.

• even though we pick on each other a lot he takes the time to stop and let me know that he’s only kidding and will proceed to tell me how he actually feels about me so I dont feel bad.

• he always comes up with silly nicknames for me like ‘noodle head’ because I have curly hair but then he also uses a lot of pet names like ‘selina baby’ and ‘baby boo’ and shit

• he freaks out when I dont feel well. like if I have a headache for two days he nags me about going to the doctor. and if he thinks I’m late on my period (because somehow he knows that) he does the same thing.

• he gets jealous/protective with me when other people are in the picture. mostly other guys but when I hang out with my girl friends he gets jealous too

• he lives a couple of states over and he’s always offering to buy me a plane ticket to go there because he says he needs me to be happy with his life and I think that’s adorable

• every time I say I’m fat, even jokingly, he reassures me that I’m not, tells me that he’s proud of me for doing all that I have, and then either gives me the ‘weight doesnt matter’ talk or finds some way to make me laugh instead

• there have been a couple of times where I’ve been a little irritated and answered the phone with 'what do you want?’ and sometimes I do it jokingly and every single time he says 'you’

• he talks to me in a bunch of funny voices just to get on my nerves

• he says if he isnt already married within the next four years that we’re getting married lmao

• every time he’s about to go on a date with a girl he freaks out so he calls me for like a pep talk the day before

• we can talk about really weird shit and he doesnt judge or anything. this morning we researched how different foods make your cum taste because I saw something on reddit about minty cum and was really confused. it turned out to be a hilarious conversation because he was just like 'WHAT THE FUCK’ the entire time 😂😂

• he gets concerned about my eating habits even though he doesnt know about my ed (i think) so he will randomly ask what I ate that day and if he doesnt think I’ve had enough he bugs me until I eat something

• he does joke about how little I eat sometimes but then he’s like 'no but seriously I really just want you to be healthy’. I still dont eat enough to his standards but I’m working my way up there.

• he calls me cute even when I think I look like shit and took a picture of me without makeup and messy hair and just looking disgusting but he set it as his background on his phone because he likes it

• I watch him play video games a lot and he’s always so angry and aggressive when he plays against other people but when I play with him on this one game he loses a lot and he says its because he cant get mad at me so he’s no good at the game when I’m playing lmao. I think he just lets me win tbh

• he has social anxiety but he says that its always been easy to talk to me, even when we didnt really know each other, so thats how he knows that I’m a good friend

• this one involves a short story. I have this other guy that I was friends with and we would get high and drink together and do video chats every other night and mess around with each other and it was kind of like that 'we’re friends but I’m totally dtf if you are’ situation like I’ve seen his dick and he’s seen me half naked and we talked about like what if he were together like that, it was kinda all in fun, but he ended up telling me that he only talked to me to make his ex jealous and got with her and of course she hated me so I stopped talking to him for a while. idk if hes not with her again or if he is just being genuine and trying to be friends but he’s been telling me that he misses talking to me and stuff and I’m not gonna lie, I miss it too. like even before the sexual tension started he was a cool friend and we had a lot of fun so I’ve been kinda talking to him a little more and more. but my best friend doesnt like him at all like every time I say his name he gets all pissy and tries to talk me out of hanging out with the other guy to just be with him instead and even though I’m friends with them both I think thats kinda funny

• every time he’s out and drunk out of his mind he calls me to let me know that he’s okay. even if its at 4am.

• if I dont reply to his calls or texts for a while he gets super anxious and needy so his texts will be like: where are you?? its been like 5 hours what are you doing? dont die on me I just want the attention that I deserve loVE ME and then when i finally text or call him back he acts like ive been gone for five months and pretends to be mad about it lmao

• when he’s depressed he kinda gets angry easier and doesnt really feel like talking much so he usually will isolate himself but he still will call me or tell me to come over just to literally be there because he won’t say anything for hours so we just sit there but he always says that it helps just knowing that I’m there and iT MAKES MY HEART HURT

• he smokes weed a lot but he hates that I do other drugs because he’s paranoid that im gonna od one day so we have made these agreements when it comes to my drug use. 1: I’m only allowed to use cocaine once and that is with him on new years because he knows that I want to try it but he doesnt really want me to so he tried to find a middle ground. I get to try it but he gets the satisfaction of knowing that I only get to try it once. 2: when I move in with him I can smoke but he doesnt want me doing anything else as much as I do now 3: When I am high, he usually wants me to tell him what it is and what it does so he’s aware and if it turns out bad he can make sure I don’t do it again. I dont like that he doesnt like it but I can see why he wouldnt and just the fact that he cares enough to do any of that is nice.

• I feel like he’s super easy to talk to and even though there are things that I havent told him about and am kind of afraid to tell him about I know that in reality he’d be totally cool about it so idk why I’m scared

• I could be feeling like total shit but even just hearing him say hi makes me feel better

• just everything okay idk he’s literally the perfect friend ugh this post is so mushy and gross wow but im probably gonna add more

#rambling #wes

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janiedean · 8 years

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I'm the anon who said you don't glorify obesity. Look I don't know anything about that ship y'all keep referring to and I don't know who "Hunk" is or whatever, I'm talking in general terms. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SHIPPING OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT just to clarify. I think it's wrong that people glorify being skinny but I don't think glorifying obesity is any better (I'm talking about more than overweight - ACTUALLY OBESE)

I’m probably not explaining myself properly but I think people should be able to ship whatever they want, the shipping was never my point. I just think the way people on the internet have been going on like “Fat women are goddesses!!! Real women have curves!!! If you don’t agree you’re fatphobic!!!” is wrong. I have been hospitalized twice for anorexia, I know how being skinny is glorified but I don’t think switching it around so it becomes “being obese is totally awesome and if you say otherwise you’re a horrible fatphobe” is any better. I’m sorry for sending you so many messages, I’ll stop now.

okay so GIVEN THAT WE ALREADY CLARIFIED OURSELVES ON THE MISUNDERSTANDING: the problem is that we were actually talking about shipping XD and the other anon decided it had to be about health but like the problem in general is that as usual (on tumblr and I guess in the US because it’s mostly US beauty standards I’m seeing thrown around) is that there’s no middle way in anything. I mean, like:

body shaming is a thing. in general. the problem is that fatshaming is, like, a thing that is more culturally spread than the contrary even if in some countries (ie italy) there’s this concept that if you’re skinnier than a size 42 (I guess it’s like an S or small M) you’re omg so unhealthy please EAT SOME PUT MEAT ON YOUR BONES WHY DO U HATE GOOD FOOD, but it’s more of an older generation thing. like, I’ve had problems with weight bc when I was in freaking elementary school people would go like ‘omg you’re so fat’ at me and I thought I was and then I looked at some pictures years later and I was like ‘… wtf I was perfectly fine what the hell’ and there’s a general implication that fat/overweight = unhealthy when it’s not necessarily the case.

the problem is that when it comes to body positivity there is like literally zero distinction between curvy, overweight, fat and obese which are not the same thing, and there is zero distinction between body positivity and promote a healthy lifestyle. I mean, according to US standards someone who’s fat would be… like… normal here? a size M is seen as perfectly regular stuff but from what I see of US sizes, M is like OMG I’M FAT already, which… like. here it’s maybe curvy. also being some 3/4kgs overweight never killed anyone. but since I see ZERO DISTINCTION here, it’s all thrown in the same bag and it’s the exact same for people who have 3 kgs more than average, 10, 25, 50 or freaking 200. which is obviously not the same.

also, there is the complete lack of realizing what it means to be healthy and to not be thin. like, as has been said already it’s absolutely not a guarantee that being thin or skinny means that you’re healthy (I had a friend who used to be chubby, then got sick with a freaking chronic disease and came out of it with a body that ended up finding her a job as a fashion model but SHE STILL WAS HEALTHIER BEFORE THE FREAKING CHRONIC DISEASE), I’ve struggled with my extra kgs all my damned life and whenever I go on vacation with friends that are thinner than me but move around less or don’t go to the gym and the likes I am the one who can walk for longer or gets tired less and I have better blood tests than my father who’s at his ideal weight and takes five pills for a bunch of different stuff. some people are just heavier as a body type but if it’s their body and it’s not due to shitty eating or lack of exercise or whatever then they’re not unhealthy. obviously severely obese people who can’t walk for more than twenty minutes without feeling like fainting aren’t in that category but like never mind that for a moment, the problem is that your size doesn’t automatically mean unhealthy and having 20 extra kgs on you makes you fat maybe but not freaking obese.

THEN, on body positivity: there is a healthy difference between NOT BEING A JERK and spreading awareness re healthy habits. like, society/media and the likes shouldn’t promote being thin, they should promote being healthy ie eating well and exercising, not THIN = HEALTHY. as stated you can be healthy without being thin. (or, as the character we were talking about that you weren’t referencing, you can be mostly muscle and have some chub over it and THAT’S NOT BEING OBESE XD at the same time, if someone is overweight or obese or whatever for any reason whatsoever you can’t go at them and tell them omg go lose some weight you loser THAT’S HORRIBLE. I mean, there’s a difference between saying that one should try to be as healthy as possible and go like OMG YOU’RE FAT YOU’RE HORRIBLE. if body positivity means not shaming someone else for their body then go the fuck for it. the problem is that then according to people saying ‘okay but if you can’t walk to the supermarket and back without feeling short of breath and you might get heart diseases maybe you should consider dropping some extra weight for your own benefit’ is fatphobic which… lolno. not everyone is fat because of bad habits and they shouldn’t have people making them feel bad even if they are but assuming that the above sentence (especially when doctors recommend you to do more exercise) is inherently fatphobic imo is ridiculous. if my doctor tells me I should lose some weight then I’m gonna consider it and I’m not gonna feel like he’s *phobic*, if someone goes like ‘omg you’re so fat you’ll never find a guy who wants you’, that is fatphobic. like, THERE’S A DIFFERENCE. (at the same time people who are skinny/thinner than average shouldn’t get told all the time OMG PUT SOME MEAT ON THAT SKELETON REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES like fuck’s sake respect all body types. being a real woman has zero to do with how much meat you have on you.) what should be glorified is be healthy and be happy with whatever body type you have as long as it doesn’t cause you problems and at that point nicely try to make those problems right while you’re encouraged without shaming anyone in the process. (which also means: gdi don’t put other people down if they’re trying to gain weight or lose it, ffs.)

now, the problem with shipping: the thing is - and I swear to god I don’t wanna sound like a sjw now but I hope the previous essay has made clear how I feel in general on this issue - that, in my experience, fat/overweight characters especially if they’re male are seen as… either the laughing stock of the group or the harmless nerd or anyway never as sexual objects. every damned time I ship something where a guy is overweight/fat (notable exceptions jacob and queenie from fantastic beasts which tbh really was a nice surprise for the part where the fat guy who’s also a sweetheart hooks up with the bombshell and it’s THE BEST ROMANCE OF ALL good go you man) right as rain there’s rarely fic for it least of all porn, and even if there is someone will go around saying the fat character isn’t attractive or deserving of getting some. when I say ‘sam tarly syndrome’ I mean ‘fat/overweight guy is a sweetheart who has a lot of nice ships they could be in but they get thoroughly ignored or if it happens in canon fandom lols at it’. I mean, I basically had to start the jon/sam tag on my own (if you see the fics at the beginning it’s honestly sad to see TEN of mine all after the other), once on a kinkmeme I was like ‘okay doing it’ at a pwp prompt and I got as an answer OMG I WAS HOPING YOU’D SEE THIS NO ONE ELSE IN THIS FANDOM WRITES PORN FOR THESE TWO and whenever people discuss canon sex scenes…. the only one in the book that always gets lol-ed at is sam and gilly’s in spite of the fact that okay, it’s badly written, but ALL of the sex scenes in asoiaf except one are badly written. it’s not worse than the average. but sam getting some because a relatively hot girl wants him and the sex - omg! - actually being somewhat not vanilla is seen as… like… OMG HAHAHAHAHA I CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S GETTING SOME OMG HOW EMBARRASSING as if this guy being overweight means he can’t be seen as a palatable partner when it comes to having a sex life. same as the other anon being like ‘omg hunk (the person we were referring) is fat and unhealthy so he’s not good enough for the other person’ is… exactly the same. I mean, this hunk character is admittedly the one person in that bunch I’d actually date irl same as sam is the one character from asoiaf I’d date irl the others are completely out of the question, but since they’re *fat* naaaaah? and guess what sam/WHOEVER is a lot less popular than ships which make a lot less sense but are two hot characters stashed together bc they’re hot. (jaime/sansa has like 300+ fics and jon/sam is still under 100 but okay sure tell me it’s because it makes no sense. lol no. and being that the only porn around for those two was written by me and maybe two/three other people says all.)

at that point then people go like ‘well but it’s because they’re unhealthy’ and that is when it becomes ridiculous. because going with the above problem re fatshaming being a thing that happens on a societal level, it becomes IF YOU’RE FAT YOU’RE NOT SEXUALLY DESIRABLE AND NO ONE SHOULD WANT YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR UNHEALTHY WEIGHT, which mixes stuff that doesn’t even go together with being sexually desirable which is something inherently personal. as in: if someone who’s unhealthily fat for whichever reason has a significant other who loves them and their body guess what THEY HAVE A RIGHT TO HAVE A SEXUAL LIFE AND TO BANG PEOPLE/GET BANGED TO THEIR PLEASURE. because when it comes to preferences in the bedroom or loving a person, size can be a thing - some people have certain body shapes preferences and so on - or it cannot be a thing at all and anyway it doesn’t matter when it comes to your right to be seen as desirable/being desirable. people of all sizes can be desirable or sexy or definitely sexually available regardless of the size - like everyone is freaking allowed to be sexually desirable even if they don’t conform to whichever is the beauty canon around.

and given that I personally got told more than once also by admittedly well-meaning people that they wouldn’t ever consider seeing me as desirable because I was overweight or not as thin as other hot person around our class or even better, the aforementioned friend who turned out to be a fashion model using that as some coping mechanism (as in, she didn’t like being sick obv. but since she had come out of it with a scorching hot physique while I had then undiagnosed pcos so I was struggling with weight all the damned time and I was healthy otherwise... er let’s say that she used to tell me stuff like ‘ah well look at you and look at me instead how much better looking I am’ which obviously was in order to make herself feel better about her illness but sure as hell didn’t help me feeling good about myself), I’m honestly fucking tired of this whole trend in shipping where overweight/fat people don’t get any from their hot best friends with whom they’re absolutely shippable but the hot friends get shipped instead with the most improbable hot people that happens in 90% of fandoms I run into. because it’s just a reflection of how irl if you’re overweight a lot of the time people will say that your weight puts you out of the goddamned dating field and everyone deserves to be in there, damn it, regardless of their size. it has nothing to do with being healthy or unhealthy. and saying shit like ‘omg X is fat they’re not good enough for Y’ is really fucking old already.

tldr: I hope I made clear why I got pissed at the other anon and what I think of the whole matter. obviously no one has to glorify being *unhealthy* (extreme obesity and anorexia are both unhealthy) and no one needs to put other groups down while doing it (looking at you n*icki m*inaj - like sorry but according to my standards she’s thin, having a nice ass doesn’t make you *fat* or curvy, and going like FUCK ALL THOSE SKINNY BITCHES is the exact contrary of body positivity tbh). but at the same time everyone deserves to be seen as sexually desirable and it’s bullshit that the current narrative depicts being overweight as something undesirable. both in society and in fandom.

/peace

#Anonymous #ask post #janie rants #weight issues cw #obesity cw #anorexia cw #janie vs fandom

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