#If a woman is in her late 20s that's different but it was a bunch of people under 25

[bitegore]

ok this isnt meant to be a dig or anything but it's always really funny to me when people like just cracking 30 are like "omg you're in your early twenties, you're a babyyyyyy"

babe you're like barely 30, you're a baby too. You're a blink and a half older than me. I spend too much time around people over 50, the difference between 23 and 33 is a few years at a job and a little more distance from living in your parents' house but it's like, nothing. the gap closes every time you breathe and every time i move. the difference between you and me is like one-fifteenth the difference between you and my dad's friend Joe or whatever. don't worry you'll get to live more life too, but don't kid yourself.

and this is doubled when it's coming from a 25-year-old currently experiencing a crisis of age because they're soooo old, they're 25, the horror! You are twenty-five. We have an age difference of three years. Your concern over this is embarrassing for you and highly entertaining for me. But like don't kid yourself here. You are 25. You are a like a fucking baby to me.

[biromanticwritergal]

So I'm signed up for this online 30's speed dating event for WLW and sapphics right?

Here's the thing: It looks like they aren't even bothering to regulate it at all because I see tons of people who aren't in their 30s and even some men are listed in the people who are signed up for the event.

What's even the point of a specific event for 30 something WLW if just anyone can join it? :/

[pennyserenade]

common people | jim o'mahony (the delinquent season) x reader

summary | old enough to know better, but too exhausted by life to really think about it, you have an affair with a man you met on the bus. rating | (explicit) tags/warnings | explicit smut, questionable morals, age gap (reader is in her mid to late 20s, jim is in his early 40s), pinv, angst, infidelity, unprotected sex word count | 3.6k+ a/n | this is sadder than i intended it to be, and perhaps less sexy because of it because at the end of the day i fear i'm a thought daughter more than a thot daughter. one day we'll find the balance, girls. just not today. love ya

The line that drew you here – sitting on the bed in your shoddy three bedroom flat with your mouth wrapped around Jim’s fingers – is by no means a straight and narrow one.

It had begun with a glance. You had done it because you wanted to feel seen. Jim had sat on the opposite side of the bus, wearing a puffy winter jacket, his black hair peppered compelling with visible grays, and his face had been indifferent as he watched out the window of the bus. With his arms crossed over his chest and his lips pressed into a pout, he struck you as an interesting subject. You had allowed your eyes to roam over the sharp sculpt of his jaw, and to inspect the enticing dust of freckles along the bridge of his nose, which danced out to the hollow of his cheeks. Then you caught his eyes as he turned his head in your direction. The sweet thrill of being noticed itched up your spine, just the way you were used to it doing.

Jim hadn’t let his face of plain indifference shatter in the wake of being watched, but you knew that he was watching you too, and that was enough. That wasn’t to say he was special. There’d been other people - other men - whom you had engaged in this game of sorts with before. Before Jim, it really meant nothing. You did it with people you didn’t even find all that attractive, just to know you could. There was the power in the act of maintaining eye contact with these people, and you liked the ambiguity that resided in the length of your stares–what it could suggest, or what it could lead to, even though it never had. The only thing that separated Jim from all of them was that he looked back for longer, and in his eyes you saw something more potent.

Sometimes you wonder, the way you, as the other woman, are apt to do, about the way he is different for his wife. Does he gather her in his lap? Does she put her mouth around his fingers and does he hum in delight for her, too? Or is this yours, just as that first shared glance was on the bus?

His fingers sit heavy on your tongue now. They taste of nothing. You arch into his body and his lips form into a smirk that makes you bloom inside with an insidious warmth. This man is someone’s husband, and he is spending a Tuesday afternoon in your bedroom. He is the creature of adulthood that lurks in your barely post-graduation adobe, a shape of security who sometimes brings your flatmates bottles of inexpensive ale and dinner to keep them amiable when his wedding band gleams in their direction. To make matters worse, he is older than you – so much so that you wouldn’t like to tell your mother about it, even if he wasn’t married.

Drawing his wet fingers out of your mouth, Jim trails them down your body, bunching up the fabric of your sleep shorts between his fists like a greedy child. You reach between your bodies and pull the leather out of his belt buckle. The clack of it resounding through your stuffy room makes you feel obscene and naughty. He marvels at the way you take initiative, his blue eyes following the diligent movements of your fingers as they work the belt through the hoops in his pants.

He leans back on the bed for you, and with a soft sigh, he accepts the cold tips of your fingers dancing across the skin of his lower stomach. You linger there, tickling over the hair below his belly button, relishing in the warmth his body has trapped beneath his jumper.

Before you pull the sweater up any higher, he takes your eager hands in his palms. “I didn’t even ask you how your day was yet, you know?” he says, voice airy—too light for how earnest you feel about fucking him.

A coil of frustration winds up inside of you. It must be treason, these small intimacies of his. Not only is he a husband but a father, too: an island of his own; a man with a country to abandon, to betray.

You offer him a placid smile. “It was slow. I was waiting for you.” Your fingers escape his grasp and he winces when they race out to his warm skin again.

“Mine was fine too, thanks,” he laughs, his own fingers gripping onto your hips. You ignore him, in no mood for conversation.

Jim allows you to draw his shirt above his arms. He pulls you closer against him after you do, your body flat against his exposed chest. You can smell the tea you made him on his breath, and feel the lustful fascination he has with you poking against your hip. He may be the most interesting thing that has ever happened to you, and you might be his.

You snake your hand down the front of his jeans, measuring the width of his want, the strength of your appeal. “Fuck,” he hums against your mouth. The deep timbre of his voice runs through you, causing slick to gather between your legs.

Jim opens his mouth for you, licking his tongue against yours as his fingers slide down the slope of your stomach to your clothed cunt. When you draw out a surprised breath, Jim inhales, taking your air before pressing his lips harshly upon yours. One hand curls round the back of your neck, holding you there. There’s a primal aspect to this, some need that existed before the both of you being manifested. His other hand cups your cunt, and he watches with invested interest as you grind down into his palm, desperate for release of any kind.

After a few moments of you grinding above him, Jim retracts his hand from you. Smiling, he takes off your shirt as you undo your bra. It’s a dance you’ve practiced so many times together, and it happens without falter or failure this time. You fist a handful of his salt and pepper hair as his warm tongue traces circles around your freshly exposed nipple.

Moaning softly, you rut against his crotch, trying to relieve the ache that grows between your legs as the warmth of his mouth wets your pert nipple. His tongue begins to trail up, wetting the skin of your chest, and he guides you back on to the bed. Nibbing softly at the skin below your ear, Jim’s hands slip off your shorts. You help, raising up your hips.

He smiles down at you, a soft, gentle thing, and you feel like a co-conspirator–a shameful title, but oddly thrilling all the same.

“Oh, Jim,” you say softly, before he has even touched you. Caging your lip between your teeth, you watch him as he stands on his knees before you, making room between your legs. Your head feels full. He doesn’t even bother with taking off his slacks. With the tip of his cock leaking already, he strokes himself, showing you, allowing you to see what you wanted to all those months ago on that bus: how much he wants you, how much you can be wanted. It is an accident– an incredible error–that you throb at him looking at you lovingly as much as wantonly these days.

You’ve read the reddit forums: women, like you, who know better and do wrong anyway. You’ve read entire threads about the reasons why they do it, and how they cope with it, and most of all, you search out the women who have seen themselves all the way through it. It scares you to think of all the paths this could lead to, when it wasn’t ever meant to lead to anywhere. Will you be the jilted lover in the end? One of the women who talk about how liberating it is to be free from something so private and soul crushing? Or will you end up concocting a story with him like the women who marry their men do? The ones who say they met on vacations or in bars months after the divorces have been filed so as not to be treated cruelly by the public? And could you live being either of those things?

“Missed you so goddamn much,” Jim whispers against your mouth, bracketing your head between his hands. You take his bottom lip between your teeth, kissing him hard, pulling him more closely to your body, as if your desire will eradicate that you want more than just lust from him these days.

He lines himself up to your entrance, his intense eyes watching your face twist up as he inches inside of you slowly. Jim is thick, and a little bigger than the other men you’ve been with in the past. It takes a moment for you to adjust around him, but he gives you it, kissing you tenderly until he‘s bottomed out inside of you. “Gotta be quiet,” he whispers against your lips. He swallows harshly then, as if having to digest his own sounds.

You feel the ghost of his breath against your chest when he hangs it down, watching the way you connect together. Wrapping your legs around his waist, you allow him to go deeper, pleading with him inaudibly to stay inside for longer. His hand pushes strands of your hair away from your face. Sweat begins to gather between your bodies, and he moves inside of you with the care of someone who is used to being discreet.

When the bed begins to creak beneath the sway of his hips, something primal unfurls inside of you. It is evidence that this is real. Evidence he allows - that he encourages - his needy fingers moving down, griping the flesh of your thigh as his cock slides back inside of you with ease. He grunts against your shoulder. “Fuck. Fuck, you’re so wet, darling,” he says. “Wanted me badly?”

You nod, turning to your head to capture his lips. You slide your hand underneath the waistband of his slacks, gripping onto his ass, guiding the movements of his hips as they press into your own. You feel an overwhelming desire for him, a thing bigger than you would like. It is warm, and blinding, and makes you stupid. “Wish you could be inside of me all day,” you say, meaning it.

“Fuck,” he whines. “I want—I want that, too. You’re taking me so good.”

You can feel the increasing ease with which he settles deeper and deeper into your body. “You make me feel so good,” you tell him. Your voice feels like it’s coming from some place deep inside of you, another version, who wants everything and can say it.

“Do I?” he manages to say, eyebrows threading together. He’s not really paying attention to what’s coming out of his mouth no more than you are. His eyes drop, looking at you beneath him, and then his head does too. His mouth wraps around your pebbled nipple, tongue swiping against your chest. He hums: the same satisfied song he sang you when you put your mouth around his fingers.

“Do you fuck her like this?” something inside of you speaks, hungry, desperate, needy. “Your wife?”

Too turned on to stop, or perhaps prepared for this inevitable question of yours, Jim gives an abashed, crooked smile, but does not stop.

“I fuck you like this,” he whispers, his voice low and sultry. It is such a non-answer, clever and just right. His hand comes up and gropes at your breast.

For a moment you imagine it, let the whole idea take place. Some woman you do not know, a faceless but important woman, older and wiser. She wears a wedding band on her left ring finger, and is elegant and caring. He has told you that she likes to go to the theater, and that she is a good mother. She is not the type to cheat. In fact, she is hardly the type to have a husband that cheats, either, but then life can be impossibly cruel, and not what you imagined it might be. Jim pulses inside of her, telling her he loves her, meaning it, probably. When she says she loves his cock inside of her, it doesn’t sound needy or submissive but erotic, demanding, and he asks her for another child, maybe. The things you do to save a marriage.

A man can only have so much, and you’ve never been particularly demanding. You won’t win this. Even here, under him: you want to give him everything, to allow him to tell you what to be and when to be it. His hand curls around your mouth, his head burying in the hollow of your neck. There is the warmth of his tongue against your flushed skin, and the idea that he could leave whatever marks he might like on you, despite the fact that you can’t do the same to him. You’d let him, happily. This he knows.

He does not tell you that he loves you, but instead mutters, “I want to make you feel good.”

In some ways, you have more than his wife does. Maybe what he’s given you has more weight, more truth; maybe it will last indefinitely longer than marriage vows that have been said and broken. You grip onto one of his arms as he pushes inside of you. You tell him, “You are.”

His skin has grown damp and warm beneath your fingers. You run your hands down his back, becoming intimate with the muscle and sinew of his frame as it writhes above yours. He grunts as the movement of his hips become more frantic—shorter and steadier thrusts, the creak of the bed too loud as he settles himself deeply inside of you.

It doesn’t make you feel embarrassed. It doesn’t even make you ashamed. An overwhelming flame of desire engulfs your soul, and all you can focus on is the way he feels: hot, warm, the full length of him stretching you and yet still looking to go deeper and deeper still. His mouth finds your shoulder, and you listen as he pants against the flesh there, stalling an inevitable end. He slows down, and you relish the slow push and pull he does with his hips. You’re sure you’ve never been so wet in your life, and he seems to agree, moaning at the sound of your cunt taking him.

“I want to ride you,” you puff out, brushing your lips against his ear. He nods eagerly in agreement, and you assist in pulling down his slacks until they’re hanging around his ankles.

Deftly, he kicks them off into a dark corner of your room, and then looks up at you, light eyes clouded with lust. “I love when you tell me things like that,” he tells you softly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” His hand finds your breast, his mouth sliding across the column of your throat. “You’re so fucking hot. You gonna cum on my cock?”

He twitches inside you and you kiss him hard on the mouth. “Yes,” you whisper back.

Jim pulls out of you slowly. He sits in the spot next to you on the bed, lifting himself up onto his elbows in anticipation. You straddle him, gripping onto his shoulder for balance. He offers you a tender smile as his fingers grip onto your hip in encouragement. “Take what you want, then,” he nods.

Your fingers wrap around his cock, slick and hot, and his eyes dart down to watch as you line him up to your entrance. As you slide down onto him, Jim closes his eyes, leaning his head back against his shoulder and moaning softly. He looks so beautiful like that: his jaw clenching just beneath the surface of his taut skin, his hair mussed from your hands running through it, his cheeks glowing red from desire.

You press your chest to his and kiss the middle of his throat. His fingers travel over the swell of your ass, and you begin to move your hips for him. “That’s it,” he hums, opening his eyes. You maintain eye contact as you draw up off of him. It is as if you are the only two people in the world, your hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, the head of his cock sitting at your entrance. He lets out a sigh in relief when you slide back onto him. One of his hands reaches up and splays out across the small of your back, guiding you as you move. Your breathing becomes more shallow, and the hazy sensation of an orgasm begins to grow in your pelvis as you grind down into him.

Sensing this, Jim’s lips twitch up into a smirk. “So tight for me,” he mutters. His lips brush against your warm chest. “Fuck, and you’re wet. Not gonna last much longer like this.”

You tuck your face into his neck, panting softly as your hips roll into his. You listen to the soft grunts that fall involuntarily from his lips, and think about him cumming inside of you. He’s done it once before, and you liked it more than you should—it’s another sign of his desire for you to devour.

The orgasm hits you in waves and you gasp, gripping helplessly at his shoulder for purchase. Every limb in your body seems to give into the sensation, until you are reduced to nothing but that warm glow spreading rapidly through you. He kisses along your shoulder, your collarbone, tucking an arm around your back to support you as you slump down onto him.

You feel him twitch dangerously inside of you, and know that if you go for a little longer, he’ll cum too. Gathering the last of your strength, you lift your hips, watching between your bodies as his cock plunges inside of you. His fingers brush against your stomach, and the air between you becomes little more than a shared moan.

“I’m gonna cum,” he warns. He gives you the choice of what to do. You rest your head against his, your noses brushing against each other as you pick up the pace. He cums inside of you with a strangled gasp, and you smile when the hot spurts of his want fill you. His fingers press into your sides, his body stiff beneath you.

For a moment you sit like that, his cock buried impossibly deep inside of you, your fingers intertwined in his hair. Sweat mats his fringe to his forehead in places, and he swallows harshly, his breathing labored. You can’t find it in yourself to be ashamed that you don’t want to part from him as you brush his hair away from his eyes, smiling.

He smiles back, content. All the lust that once filled his eyes is replaced with an affection you consider infinitely more dangerous. You lay against his shoulder and close your eyes. His heart thuds against the cage of his chest and his fingers stroke your back softly.

“I’m sorry for what I asked,” you murmur. The shame finds its way to you.

“It’s s’alright.” His lips brush against your shoulder. “I haven’t fucked her in a long time. Not like that. I’m not saying that just to make you feel better.”

“It doesn’t make me feel any better.” You lift your head off of him, meeting his eyes. “None of this does.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“You’re still in me, for Christ’s sake,” you laugh. He laughs too, and you know that’ll probably be the end of the conversation. A part of you is happy to let it go. You’re not ready to end this, even though you know you should. You don’t feel like the other woman, after all. She was meant to be more clever than this, wasn’t she? You feel like you’ve fallen into something you can’t get out of, something you’re terrified to even approach for what it might say about you.

“Hey,” he nudges his nose along your jaw. “You alright, then?”

“Sure,” you nod. “Stay a little while longer?”

“Yeah, of course.” He pats the hair on your head down, laying back on the pillow behind him. You rise up off of him, but still straddle his thighs. He holds you close, wrapping his arms around your torso. You can feel his cum trickle out of you.

“I like you a lot, if that’s any consolation. More than I should,” he tells you. “Enough to frighten me, really. I never thought I’d be this guy, you know? The cheater, especially with a younger woman. I don’t—you were the first I’ve ever felt anything for, you know?”

You lay your head on his chest again, and let out an amused laugh — though nothing feels particularly amusing. “Jim?”

“Yes?”

“You don’t have to convince me of anything.”

“Right.” He kisses your temple, staying there for a moment before pulling back and saying, “I’m just saying. I don’t want you to look back on this and think I thought of this as meaning nothing. It’s a big thing for me, too.”

You let out of a soft sigh, tracing up his freckled arms with your finger. “Jim?”

“Yes?”

“Will you fuck me again? I don’t want to talk about this anymore. ”

He laughs softly, kissing below your ear. “Of course,” he responds, his hot breath cascading across your sensitive neck. “Only this time, tell me what you want, love. I want to hear you say it.”

[garpond]

happy birthday to neil young here are some of my favorite things about him

-by the age of 20 he had owned 3 different used hearses, all of which experienced some form of extreme mechanical failure that caused him to have to get rid of them

-in buffalo springfield whenever he had to go out on a date with a girl he'd tell his friends about it beforehand so that they could interrupt the date to tell him he needed to be somewhere and was late so that he could be allowed to leave

-hated going in grocery stores because he would get overstimulated and have to leave

-didn't like how the first pressing of Comes A Time sounded so he bought 200,000 of the first copies of it and used them as shingles for a barn roof

-when one of his tour buses was destroyed (i forget how) he had it brought to his ranch and buried on the property like a beloved family pet

-his early ambition before music was to be a chicken farmer

-when he and carrie snodgress where dating she'd have a ton of people over sometimes and it gave him anxiety so one evening he decided to open the living room window and crawl out of it to get away from people instead of walking through the room to get to the door because apparently he couldn't wait that long and everyone saw it

-another time he randomly showed up at a neighbors' house and they didn't really know why he dropped in all of the sudden because he wasn't very social and it turns out it was because his manager had set up a meeting for him with the band America and he didn't want to do it so he was hiding

-during buffalo springfield he would hide in peoples closets a lot

-once he was guitar shopping with stephen stills and when he was offering on a guitar stephen offered more money on it to try and get it and it pissed him off so he started bidding higher to kick off a bidding war between then and once it was up to a ridiculous amount of money he just dropped it and was like ok you win lol ! and stephen had to pay an insane amount of money for it

-during one filmed interview with MTV or something he decided to fuck with them by adjusting the position of his hat super slightly every couple seconds so that when they cut the footage together and shifted things out of order it would look confusingly different every time

-during the recording of deja vu he lived by himself in a motel but he brought his 2 pet bush babies (named Harriet and Speedy) and they scared the shit out of Graham Nash

-gave a stranger he met like a week ago unrestricted access to his finances because the guy claimed he was going to help him buy a boat and the guy ended up stealing a couple thousand dollars

-during last buffalo springfield concert he was the only person who was not even remotely sad and on the way home jim messina was literally crying and neil was just like :] the whole way

-one year on his birthday at the ranch there was going to be a party and it was a tradition to have a bonfire at it so he went out into the woods to get sticks for it but somehow managed to grab a bunch of poison oak and it was used at the fire and after that he was not allowed to gather bonfire sticks anymore

-while filming the lincvolt documentary he met a trans woman and when he was interviewing her to ask for her opinion about the car she told him that what he was doing with it was a big change and he should probably ask for the car's permission to do it and he actually did do this later

-"everybodys rockin" originated as an r/maliciouscompliance type of project because while he was on geffen records Old Ways was rejected and the label asked for a "rock and roll album" and this was his response to that

-the infamous Eat A Peach incident

-there is much more but this is all i can come up with rn

[shadowbanki]

Touhou USAmerican AU update

Don’t ask how the characters all know each other, because I have nothing for now. But one idea I have floating around is that they’re all magical girls and/or involved with supernatural incidents and are a team who solves them.

I’m still working out the details of this AU and debating keeping ALL of the supernatural/magical aspects of the original characters/universe.

I also don’t know exactly how many characters I’ll include. But I might have my OC group Resonate in this AU as OCs.

The AU also takes place in Colorado, as suggested by @counterattacker.

Reimu

Early 20’s

Seems practical but really isn’t

Seems meek but really isn’t

She’s friendly to strangers but is different and more assertive around Marisa

Done with (Marisa’s) shit

Banters with Marisa

Marisa always drags her into a bunch of incidents

She’s the one who has to resolve the incidents

Actually very formidable in a fight

Has burnout

Likes to take it easy but can’t

Eats rice with every meal. Even stuff like pizza

College student who is overwhelmed by all her duties

Plays violin but isn’t really that good

Half-Latina

Trans woman

Bisexual

Practicing Shinto in the USA

Has a crush on Marisa…

She’s stuck with Marisa as her sidekick and they’re always together

Marisa

Early 20’s

Feral

Steals things a lot… or rather “borrows permanently”

One of the things she stole was Reimu’s heart

Owes Reimu a lot of money

Flirts around as a joke but secretly really would take a bullet for Reimu

Loves Reimu a lot but doesn’t express it candidly

Has an inferior complex and perceives Reimu as better than her

Obsessive 

Boisterous

Likes pranks

Banned from Costco

Likes to scare people with her witch image

Loves Halloween

Gets into trouble a lot

Lesbian

Probably has ADHD

Reimu’s sidekick

Yukari

In her late 30’s

She’s a senior magical girl, mentor to Reimu and Marisa

Older sister type

Annoys Reimu

Doting but in an annoying way

Always says “when I was your age…”

Kind of like a (irresponsible) guardian to Reimu and Marisa

“Ara ara”

Mischievous

A bit like Princess Celestia but mixed with Eda from The Owl House

She’s the voice of reason for Yuuka

Cirno

Annoying kid

Precocious but also dumb

⑨ years old

Can’t do math

Tiny

Drives everyone insane

Annoying high pitched voice

Pretends to be an ice fairy, is actually somehow convincing

Loves shaved ice

Loves winter

A menace

Has an obsession with capturing and freezing frogs, but everyone else forbids her

Has stomped through Yuuka’s flowers before

Never seems to catch a cold. She thinks this is because she’s an ice fairy. It’s actually because idiots don’t catch colds.

Clownpiece

Another annoying kid

12 years old

Feral

Self-proclaimed fairy of hell

Edgy

Comes from a family of clowns

Draws cursed art

Probably has deviantart despite being too young

Likes wolves

Mixed-race (Native American, Japanese, White)

All her clothes seem to have the American flag on them

Her parents are patriotic and pick out all her clothes

Yuuka

Early 30’s

The “vengeful lady next door” who is just very overprotective of her flower garden

Known for having a beautiful and extravagant garden in her yard

She’s also a beekeeper

Kind of lonely but doesn’t admit it

Brutally honest

Makes children cry

Friends with Yukari

She acts soft around Yukari. She might have a crush on her

Patchouli

19 years old

Quiet and blunt girl who frequents the little town’s small library

Doesn’t show much expression

Hates her name

Done with life

Has read nearly all the books in the small library

Know-it-all

Knowledgeable about math, astronomy, chemistry, literature, and folklore

Friends with Alice

Nazrin

10 years old

Loves cheese

Innocent and a bit shy

Adventurous

Suwako

7 years old

Tiny even for her age

Energetic

Loves to go to the pond and play with the frogs

Often pretends to be a frog

Can’t swim

Half-Korean

Seems to be a “frog whisperer.” Frogs are somehow drawn to her

Again, she is ridiculously tiny

Wriggle

15 years old

Nobody knows her real name

Non-binary transmasc but still uses she/her

Loves cats but is allergic

Sakuya

Mid 20’s

Dependable but scary

Remilia and Flandre’s aunt and caretaker

Badass who can fence

Half-Japanese, half-French

Flandre

11 years old

Remilia’s younger sister

Feral edgy chaos girl

Vandalizes the school’s textbooks

Looks up to Marisa

Loves flan

Actually a really good pianist 

French

Likes horror movies

Banned from three grocery store chains

Bites people

Remilia

13 years old

Flandre’s older sister

French

Kind of spoiled

Snobby

Thinks her sister is uncouth

Ojou-sama laugh (“ohoho!”)

Rinnosuke

27 years old

One of Reimu’s friends in college, seemingly always classmates with her

Older brother figure to Reimu

Usually quite chill and polite

Good at math

His hobby is JRPGs

Addicted to ramen

Lowkey a weeb (despite being Japanese)

He’s gay

He’s single because he “can never seem to find another single guy”

Alice

19 years old

British

Has a British accent

Doll collector

Shy

[heckhellstuff]

Big thanks to the peeps who wanted to hear more about my version of the Guide

Headcanons and story stuff under the cut

First things first - Because this AU focuses mostly on my made up backstory I had to give her a name

Emma Van de Laar is what I settled with A Priestess from Holland born sometime in the 1400's Devout woman her entire life

Unfortunately for her everything supernatural seemed to disagree with her peaceful lifestyle - The most notable incidents being her run-ins with vampires and beasts alike

When she was 25 a Strigoi made it's way into her home, impersonating her beloved dog who went missing few days prior Then in her late 40's she was forcefully turned by a Vampire

Being turned into a creature of the night caused great distress, faith was all she had her whole life, she couldn't bear to lose it

It took 20+ very painful years but she managed to regain her faith in spite of her vampirism Trying to put her life back on tracks she once again took up her position as the head of the local Church

Fast forward 300 years things started getting a little boring Emma started yearning for all of the things she's missed

This is when what I call the Party Girl Era sets in Accidentally joined a cult And all of the things mentioned in her therapy session with Laszlo happened

Which brings me to the most worked on part of this AU Her relantionship with Van Helsing

I asked myself ""How fucked up would it be if they actually loved each other ?"" Here's the story I put together

Van Helsing was sent back to Holland by the Church - they heard some vampires might be targeting the local Priestess What they didn't know is that Emma is the vampire seen in the area

When Abraham arrived Emma was slightly shapeshifting to hide her most noticeable vampiric features She knew he was a vampire slayer

They spent around two months just kinda hanging out together During that time Abraham slowly fell in love with the holy woman It didn't take long for Emma to feel the attraction as well

But uh oh - then there was the accidental reveal Emma burnt herself on Abraham's silver ring (while they were flirting no less) Mortified by the possible consequences of her slip up she tried to escape

When Abraham caught up, instead of killing her, he tried to talk things out A lot of feelings spill out during that conversation Fed up with the tension, Emma makes a move and that's how their affair starts

A bunch of trust building later and they do end up being an actual couple Would love to show the comic I made for this but it's like 38 panels long and Tumblr would piss itself In total they spend five years together before everything goes to hell

Hell started when the Vampiric Council finally had enough of Emma's bs Forcefully seperated her and Abraham Took her to America And drilled into her mind for so long she dissociated so hard she ended up getting amnesia After successfully rooting her into the Council's system she got the position of the Guide

Abraham didn't want to give up on his beloved and spent years searching for her Unfortunately... When he found Emma it wasn't her anymore The brilliant woman he once knew was no longer there

After that point the timeline starts lining up with the Show Some things do differ but it's not anything major until the Nightclub comes around

Obviously Guidja happens in this AU With the backstory I gave the Guide their dynamic is really fun to mess around with

Oh and lastly What the hell is a Strigoi ??

Basically: vampire 2 electric boogaloo I thought it would be fun if there were different species of vampiric creatures

Strigoi have some interesting folklore attached to them It was super fun to mess around with and bend in all sorts of directions

Emma is actually a Vampiric Strigoi which is one of the four Strigoi variants I put together Which basically means she's not really a vampire but something closely related

My idea for making her a Strigoi comes from the Show and folklore Strigoi seem to be put into a similar category as Wraiths and apparently they can learn magic ?? So that was a super easy connection to make

I have a lot of different design notes for my version of bestie Guide too but this mess is already way too long

So I'll end it with songs that were a huge inspiration when I started working on this AU

Powerwolf: Sacramental sister, My will be done, Midnight Madonna, Demons are a girls best friend, Reverent of rats Ghost: Cirice, Mary on a cross

[ostdreamseeker]

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The Queen of Hell is a merciful God

Poppy x Noah Sebastian

Explicit!! Minors DNI

Word Count: 1,622

Tags: Devil x Worshipper, Poppy is the Devil, Masturbation, Male Masturbation, Vaguely public, Worship, Handjobs, Not beta read, Minimal dialogue

Read here on Ao3

Other notes: Poppy's appearence is based on the end of her comic, Poppy's Inferno

Disclaimer: this is fiction and not intended to be an actual depiction of these people, their actions or their relationships in real life

•··································•··································•

Since he was a little boy, Noah found himself driven to the callings of the hells, despite his peers and such's opinions on the situation leaving a rather sour taste in his mouth, the stories he’d heard of genuine love and acceptance made themselves comfy in the back of his mind and in his teenage years he’d grown even more comfortable in their company, slowly building his own altar and worshipping in his spare time. He found himself quite attached to the devil herself, the Queen of Hell, Poppy.

The temple was cool and dark and the winter air had slipped itself through the decrepit brickwork, the barely there breeze nipping at Noah’s skin. It was an old temple left to disrepair, a place of worship for the devil herself where her followers were driven out of town by members of other religions that didn’t agree with their chosen path, despite how inclusive they all claimed to be and so very, very accepting. What a bunch of bullshit. Since he was a little boy, Noah found himself driven to the callings of the hells, despite his peers and such's opinions on the situation leaving a rather sour taste in his mouth, the stories he’d heard of genuine love and acceptance made themselves comfy in the back of his mind and in his teenage years he’d grown even more comfortable in their company, slowly building his own altar and worshipping in his spare time. 

From what he’d read and seen, the devil was gorgeous, with long dark hair that faded to blonde tips at her waist and eyes that were like voids in themselves and the crystal crown that tied her all together, a woman that could kill Lucifer and take his throne from beneath him. Perhaps he was in love. With the devil? Ridiculous. He was but a teenage boy seeing a gorgeous woman, it was normal to feel this way. To wish to dedicate his whole life to her, to yearn for her acceptance and approval, to craft a shrine to her in his room and attend temples to worship her, even if he wasn’t quite accepted anywhere, even those churches that claimed to accept all faith’s and views on life. Loving the Devil was a bit too out of their usual range.

As time passed it dawned on him that perhaps he wasn’t just a horny teenage boy, still in his late 20’s he found himself putting aside part of his life for her, his heart aching for the deity. It’d gotten to a point where it ruined the concept of any romance for him, any dates felt futile, a waste of time, and no one ever came close to how the devil held up in his mind. 

He’d found this temple from old news articles and blog posts, a temple designed specifically to worship the devil herself, a place of worship that used to be kept with regular services and such years and years ago before the community was driven out and the place found itself abandoned with everything that resided inside being left behind. Thankfully, no one had dared to demolish it, the building still falling under the historical building code that prevented its demolition or redesign for different purposes, although the significance surrounding it usually put people off the area anyway. The bricks were starting to crumble and it was lucky the roof was still standing with the way the grout between the bricks had almost entirely disintegrated with age and violent protests against the building, thankfully only a few vandals had also taken to the place so as much as it was naturally falling apart it still remained and incredibly elegant and alluring building. Until you saw the signs of devil worship that gave the vast majority of the population the heebie-jeebies.

Yet, Noah snuck his way in, the place giving him solace and respite as he came to stand in front of the altar that still miraculously stood standing at the head of the room. Hopefully, his bandmates believed his excuse to sneak off on rehearsal day, something was clawing away at his heart today and he just knew he had to be here. He needed to see her. He needed to see Poppy. He took place at the altar, clasping his hands together as he prayed for a moment, the silence around him filling with warmth as he did. She was a merciful good, showing her appreciation and respect easily, it was clear she was still tied to this building heaving, able to connect with her subjects from such a simple gesture. Noah sighed happily, relieving himself from his prayers the warmth continued to weave its way around him and eventually made itself comfortable in his chest, burying itself under his ribcage and dispelling throughout his body.

“Poppy.”

Her voice slipped from his tongue almost sensually, the warmth that spread through him got to him and he ended up on his knees. Ah. So it was one of those times. It’d be a lie if he said he’d ever stopped loving her, it was more beyond it than he thought he’d ever be, but here he was, finding himself growing aroused by his own worship and the acknowledgment of his god.  She was pleased, he could feel it, the sensations on his skin feeling like warm breath against his flesh, he swore he could hear her giggle as he grew hard, a noticeable bulge in his pants becoming more defined by the second. Thankfully, he was alone. 

“Poppy-”

The warmth just skittered across his skin, she was such a tease as the sensations pooled in his stomach even deeper and his blood rushed to his cock. Noah looked around the room, he knew they were alone, she knew they were alone, but he still needed to be sure, making sure no one had followed in behind him or his bandmates had been tagging along to see what he’d really been up to, this wasn't the first time he’d called out on them and surely they were growing suspicious by now. He gently rubbed his cock through his pants, head tilted to the ceiling and his eyes fixated on the magnificent light fixtures that were well beyond their glory days.

“Is this what you want, Poppy?”

Noah swore he could hear a happy hum through the air, he had her full attention and he was ready to serve, give her all that she desired even if it was purely for her own amusement and entertainment, even if it came at his own expense, thankfully he had no shame when it came to her needs.

He rocked back onto his heels, making himself comfortable as he undid his pants and slipped his cock out, the cool air pressing into it until his internal warmth rapidly took it over and brought it to full hardness. Noah was completely lost in the love for his god already, it was ridiculous what he was doing, sitting on the cold and dusty floor of a rundown temple, pleasuring himself to the thought of the devil while winning over her appreciation. It felt good- And he’d barely touched himself. Honestly, if he stayed for long enough and let his mind wander he could probably get away with releasing hands-free, but that wasn’t his intention right now, he was on a time limit, well, at least vaguely, lest he leaves his bandmates to come looking for him which would be far from idea right now. Those thoughts quickly slipped from his mind though, laying himself back further he pressed a hand against the concrete behind him to steady himself, laying his body back further for the god to take as she pleased, he was an offering in himself and so was his body as well as his pleasure. 

The brunette gripped himself firmly now, jerking up and down his sensitive cock, running a thumb over the top as it began to leak precum in just a few strokes. Oh he wasn’t going to last long, especially not with this incessant giggle in his ear and the temperature of the air around him, it felt as if he was breathing in some sort of an aphrodisiac, his senses all heightened and his touch feeling almost foreign. Pleasure sparked under his grip, he didn’t dare to touch himself anywhere else or else risk overstimulation, this pleased her and he knew it, he could feel it in his soul and his bones as his pleasure heightened with each stroke. He moved faster, hips thrusting lightly with his motions as he stared at the roof, it was as if he was making eye contact with her, the way he bore his eyes open for her, if he tried hard enough maybe he could see her, hells, his mind was cloudy enough that he just might. 

“Poppy, please...”

Noah was close already, the heat rapidly becoming too much to bear as he bore himself to his devil in their own little secluded part of the world, he was for her eyes only right now.  His pace grew faster as he felt his balls tighten, too close now, far too close. 

“Poppy, may I?”

With that the warmth around him felt sharp, prodding at him and wrapping around him, constricting like a snake. That was her approval. The heat went straight to his dick, coiling around the base as he reached the edge, pleasure spilling over as his hips bucked up into his fist hard enough that he was sure that he left bruises on his pelvis alongside the creamy streaks that now ruined his shirt. It was such an intense sensation, it was so good- Hells, he’d never came like that before, the coiling heat feeling as if she was there, helping him cross the line and his soul slipping to the other side momentarily, he collapsed back onto the ground, the cool concrete regulating the feelings in his body as the warmth that tickled his flesh began to dissipate. 

Oh, he’d never get off so well again in his life. 

Perhaps that was her intention, her way of keeping him coming back to her and her alone, the Queen of Hell was a merciful god.

[musekicker]

I've had some old idea for kid ocs before for this ship. Reworked that now (including revamping a old oc to have a different role) . So um.. Bill wins Billford offspring ocs.

I don't quite have the exact process of how the kids happened (lots of trauma and body horror involved I'm sure.) but I do know this. There are actually a LOT of offspring. But not all of them get powerful enough to have a personality/survive. I'm leaving myself open to more possible offspring ocs but here are my three so far.

Diamond: The only one of the more powerful offspring that likes to take on a more human form. More often the form of a woman with long white hair composed of diamond shapes and two yellow eyes with diamond shaped irises.

Their natural form is a white diamond, arms and legs, and with a diamond shaped yellow eye

Diamond is the more greedy and down to party of the bunch. Her territory is a non stop party. There is one problem she's been finding has been bothering her as of late. The feeling lately that she's been feeling lonely. She only really completely gets along with one of her siblings, Roll. And humans would never get completely close to her considering the state of the well... everything.

A sort of a vibe of that one scene from Steven Universe where Greg tells Rose Quartz to talk to him like a real person, and Rose saying "But... I'm not a real person." . Very Diamond.

Roll: Their natural form is a red 20 sided die with arms and legs, and with golden numbers and eye. Often times they like to take on random forms for fun. These forms decided by "rolling" (not so much literally but numbers do show up in his eye) and the results are what they turn into until they feel like something else.

Their territory goes by the same rules. Anyone in their territory never knows what to expect.

They are the smart sibling really. Though if unable to use their rolling ability for any reason they would have a hard time deciding on things. They get along with Diamond the most.

Fingers: Their natural shape is a golden six fingered hand with a blue eye on the tips of each finger. Arms and legs of course. They have a deadly combo of being sneaky but also very violent. Those in their territory can often end up in a fighting arena for their entertainment.

They do have a hard time keeping track of things if you get them mad enough. They don't really think things through then.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

so i was searching for butch actresses over 50, you know looking for my perfect Gabrielle. given how she likes to cut her hair short and dress like a man, I figured she'd look pretty butch in our time.

(though unfortunately she can't have top surgery, or her boobs would just grow back, like her hair.) god, anne could have done so much more with her, and really leaned into the whole vampire/gender stuff she had going on. but i digress.

anyway, the internet does not know what a butch woman is, especially one who isn't young. and i'm looking for someone 50's-60's here. I mean late 50's to mind 60's, given how in the show Lestat is made into a vampire at 34. And he was her youngest, though she had a bunch of other kids. Like Lestat had 2 brothers who lived to be adults and 4 brothers (and maybe a sister, according to some website) who died as children, and/or in childbirth. I can't remember the specifics. What I'm saying is this woman popped out a total of 7/8 babies.

Even if she was married young to the Marquis, (I'm assuming as a teenager, though probably at least 16/17, as she had done some traveling before marriage) it takes 9 months to make a baby, and she was probably in her late 20's-early 30's when Lestat was born. (I've mathed it from different sites, one says 28, another maths to 30, so who knows for sure?)

The point I'm making is she'll be an older lady. If Lestat was 34 when he made her, she'd be like anywhere like 62-64ish. And I wanna see a lady that age cast in the role. But I also think modern Gabrielle would be cutting her hair nearly every night and dressing in men's clothes, and maybe possibly discover what binders are, though I don't know if she'd bother with them.

Ugh, I wanna know so bad who they are going to cast to play her.

[eponastory]

Just saw your pumpkin spice latte story, also the chocolate one and Evan

How about this, Evan discovering the one game that took the internet by storm years ago... that being Minecraft? Imagining Evan becoming so darn addicted Dante will have to rip his daughter off the computer

That actually sounds like a really good idea!

To be fair, Evan definitely grew up during those times. I was, unfortunately, a bit older when the game came out... in my early 20s, actually.

So, with this prompt, it's not all humor. It's mostly the reality of being a parent and having to discipline your child without breaking down the trust in your child. I think parenting in general is like walking a tightrope because there needs to be balance. For Dante, that doesn't come easy as he had no real example of fatherhood. I don't see Sparda actually being a 'Dad' more of a 'Father', and trust me, there is a huge difference. Anyway, hope this meets expectations.

Well, here it is!

Just a Bunch Of Pixelated Blocks

It was the yelling that woke him up late one night. Not that Dante had really been sleeping peacefully. Oh no, peaceful sleeping was really out of the question these days. Especially when there were bad dreams to be had.

The yelling was definitely not him. It was too young and feminine to be him unless he turned into a woman in his sleep. It's highly unlikely, but one never knows. No, this was the frustrated yells of his one and only daughter. He honestly did not know what exactly was going on, even though it had been obvious. He should have never gotten her that damn computer for her birthday.

He quickly put on some pants and a shirt before heading out of his room to deal with his pre-teen child. What on earth did he get himself into when he walked into that damn bar twelve years ago.

She was up most hours of the night when she should be sleeping. Of course, Dante still had problems trying to adjust to this thing called 'parenting', but he thought he was doing okay. Evan was still alive, not starving, and was functioning just fine in his care. He could be more assertive when it came to keeping her on track with school, but he was pretty sure he enabled her to get away with murder if it came down to it.

That was his fault.

He ran a hand down his face when he walked out of his room. It must have been one in the morning or later, but she was definitely awake. He could see the light from her computer coming from under her door and the sound of her keyboard clicking as she played her game. How long was this going to continue?

She was twelve years old and already had emotional problems. That was not her fault, to be honest. Her upbringing was never in his control. Actually, he had not even existed to her until a year ago. Again, it was not his fault, but that was how the cards fell.

He slowly opened the door to see her staring intently at her computer screen. This game had been out a few years now, but her new friends at school had gotten her into it. It was clearly fun and encouraged creativity, but it was causing her grades to slip. If there was one thing he wanted for her, it was the things he did not have when he was her age.

School was a touchy subject for him.

Even so, Dante knew Evan was too busy listening to music while she played. He was going to handle this in his way, which was why a smirk crept onto his face. She could not hear him creeping up behind her.

He could see the health bar at the bottom blinking as a green cactus looking thing was walking up to her character.

"No! Don't you dare!" She yelled out as the thing got closer on the screen and started flashing red. She clicked her mouse as hard as she could to kill the green thing while a skeleton could be seen shooting at her. "No no no no no!" Then apparently, everything blew up. "Why would you do that!?" There was a whine to her voice that sounded like desperate frustration.

It was a game... on a computer.

Dante could not understand the appeal. Maybe it's because he grew up in the 80s, and his version of entertainment was Atari and shooting things in the back of Nell's workshop... he honestly did not know. He just knew his kid was incredibly addicted to this mess of pixelated blocks.

And now she was crying.

Well, crap.

And she still did not know he was behind her. At least not until he put a hand on her shoulder.

"What the fuck!!!" If Evan was a cat, she would be clinging to the ceiling by her claws. She jumped so hard she scrambled out of her chair and onto the floor. "Dad!"

"Evan!" Dante countered her reaction with an equally shocked expression as she scrambled up against the wall. "What are you doing up?" His face went from fake shock to serious. "It's two in the morning, and you have school." If there was one thing he hated the most, it was being the mean parent.

"I couldn't sleep." She was cowering against the wall in fear. He suddenly felt terrible because he knew that look. The look of a kid who had seen way more than she should have in her young age. "I'm sorry." He crossed his arms, trying to figure out how to handle this.

Dante walked closer with his bare feet padding against the wood floor. He said nothing as he sat down next to her on the floor with his back up against the wall. It was all he could think of to make her feel comfortable. It was the scared look on her face that did him in. No one told him how it would feel when he saw Evan hurting or in fear. It was probably the worst thing he ever felt besides the other things that happened in his life.

He ran a hand through his hair as Evan calmed herself down.

"I'm not mad at you." He had his knees bent as he rested his arm on them. "But you're on this thing every waking moment and when you aren't doing anything else." He motioned to the computer, which currently had a response prompt on the screen. "And you're getting upset over dying in a game." Well, if she only knew about the multiple impalings he had gone through over the years and LIVED!

"But I worked so hard to get that diamond armor and sword." She looked at him with tears in her eyes. Kids and their video games. "Now I have to start over."

"Then start over, but not when you are supposed to be sleeping."Dante shook his head at the thought of his daughter thinking the game was more important than anything else. "Or doing other things."

"But Dad, this is all I have to do." Not really, but he was not big into giving her chores. Especially when he did not feel like doing things himself most days anyway. "This or homework, and you're only useful with math." He wrapped his right arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer as she sniffed.

"Look, it's just a bunch of pixelated blocks on a screen... they can wait until after school." Well, there was also another way to solve this problem. "And I hate to do it, Princess, but I'm taking your power cord at night from now on." Then the real waterworks began. Oh no... the fountain of tears came like a downpour. He was trying really hard not to roll his eyes.

"You can't do that, it's my computer." This conversation felt extremely familiar, but he could not place where it happened before. Or with who. "You gave it to me!" Evan pulled away from him. He was not taking her computer, just setting boundaries as suggested by one of her teachers at the parent-teacher meeting.

"Sorry, Kid, but this is how it has to be." He stood up and went to the computer. "You can play when your homework is done or on the weekends." The look on her face was horrific as he went to pull the plug from the wall.

"Wait at least let me save it before you turn it off!" Evan cried out in desperation. Obviously there was something Dante was missing from this whole thing. He knew nothing about computers. Well, he knew a couple things, but mostly nothing. "If you turn it off like that it's going to erase everything!" Big tears were streaming down her cheeks. Oh the pain. The ache was there in his heart, but Dante knew that this was for the best.

"Okay, so save it then shut it down." And she did exactly that as she looked at him defeated. The pleading in her eyes as he disconnected the power cable and held in in his hand with a tight grip. Why did this bother him so much? "Hey, it's not forever." He attempted to put a hand on her shoulder but she turned away from him to get in her bed.

Dante watched her as she curled up under the covers and cried. None of this made any sense to him. All of this over a game for crying out loud. It was not the first time he heard about this. There was an epidemic of kids turning into crying messes because of their parents limiting computer time. Especially with this game. At the same time, it felt awful. He looked down at the cord in his hand and squeezed it.

The bane of his existence at that moment was a damn piece of plastic and copper wire.

Parenting was hard.

This was new territory for him anyway, but he knew they would get through it. He loved the kid that was crying in her bed with all of his heart, and soul. This was just a bump in the road. She was undoubtedly part of him, even with her temper.

"I love you, Princess." He told her before slowly walking out of her room and shutting the door.

All of this over Minecraft.

When Evan got home from school the next day, she walked in with a smile on her face. Dante was in his usual spot at his desk with his feet up and his arms crossed over his chest. He was a little suspicious of the smile on his daughter's face, but put it up to being Friday...

Oh... it was Friday.

Shit.

"So, Dad, I forgive you for taking my computer cord away." She gave him a sickeningly sweet smile as she stood on the other side of his desk. "But you forgot it was Friday, didn't you?" He narrowed his eyes before reaching into the top right hand drawer of his desk.

"I hope a creeper blows up your house." He handed the cord over to her.

"Wait, have you been playing Minecraft while I'm at school?" That was a very strong accusation.

"I can neither confirm or deny that accusation." Dante smirked at her as she looked at him with semi confusion mixed with a little shock. "Anyway, times a wasting... better go make use of it." He leaned back in his chair with his arms behind his head and a smile on his face.

If he was going to make amends, he better learn about those pixelated blocks on his daughter's computer.

[oscarmild]

I saw this photo when I was on the bus right after reading the news and was almost crying laughing. The way Stassi is winding up, her expression, Kristin being totally unaware. Literally looney tunes shit. This reveal after all the time Kristin spent playing the victim in her and Tom’s relationship and spending the whole summer insisting nothing happened with Jax . The payoff of this moment was insane. GOD. VPR was truly lighting in a bottle. Not all seasons were good but when they were good, they were incredible.

Kristin having a meltdown while on some low budget photoshoot because one of the other models had hooked up with her boyfriend years before. Season 1 Stassi’s birthday, everyone fighting, Schwartz pouring a beer on her head, Jax showing up in that fuckass white sweater and all the boys taking their shirts off to fight in the parking lot. Any subsequent birthday “it’s MY BIRTHDAY” and having everything go wrong.“I’ve been very judicious with my drinking!!!” Kristin bringing miami girl to sur, chain smoking cigs and telling her boss to go suck a dick because she’s trying to fuck up tom and Ariana’s relationship. How they all responded to the pulse nightclub shooting which ended with a bunch of straight people in LA saying they didn’t feel safe going into work . Sandoval calling Schwartz a battered woman while they’re in drag at his bachelor party and the insane smile Schwartz had on his face. “IM THE NUMBER ONE GUY IM THE GROUP!!!” Jax coked out of his mind and lying to everyone on screen and then lying about not lying. “IM ON THE BRIM!” Kristin draining bottles of wine and huffing darts while calling Lisa while they were on vacation to tell her that her and Tom split up. They all bullied Scheana mercilessly. Brazenly using the most obvious code words for all the drugs they were on. “I don’t know what I did to you but I’ll take a Pinot Grigio”.

Obviously, the later seasons proved it wasn’t what it once was, but still. I doubt any new cast will be able to recreate the dynamic formed by having an organic friend group filled with the most delusional, mean, selfish, shameless, fame hungry alcoholics who all hated each other and couldn’t stop fucking one another.

Rebooting VPR with a different cast is so futile. What made VPR special is that They were all adults (mostly) in their late 20s trying to make the most of their dead end restaurant jobs while grappling with the fact that they weren’t going to make it in Hollywood all the while filling the void with toxic relationships and partying. They saw the opportunity they had from being on VPR and were completely shameless and let themselves be filmed getting blackout and lying to each other and being generally despicable human beings. People just don’t let themselves do that on tv anymore. Social media has made everyone way too self conscious. No new cast will be able to recapture that magic. Obviously it’s way too profitable at the moment to just end completely, but rebooting it with a new cast just goes to show that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding about the appeal of the show. I don’t care about servers at SUR- I care about this insane group of assholes who all hate each other but are forced to be in each other’s lives because they got exactly what they wanted.

This show has brought me so much joy over the years. Rest in peace, Vanderpump Rules, you will always be the pinnacle of what it is possible to achieve with the medium of reality tv <3

[papirouge]

man, I wish Christian natalists wouldn't get so predator-enabling/breeder fetishy whenever they speak...

I was watching a videos about a Christian woman making a testimony of her pregnancy with risks, "putting back" together her ligated tubes, and explaining how the Bible says we should have as many children as God decides and not us (so no contraception), and yeah why not

but THEN she got like "why would God make girls to have their period at 10 if it wasn't to have children? Why would women wait until they're in their late 20s-30 (the average age of women getting their first child)?"

IDK girl, probably for the same reason grown women aren't sexing barely pubescent boys to get impregnated just bc they virtually can? ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

and then she explains she's from middle east and that her aunts/grandmother married respectively at 17 and 12 years old. Interestingly she didn't tell about their husbands age...🙃 ...and we all know how these marriage with weird age gap work in middle east... Even if Mary was 14 when she got pregnant like some pedo apologists argue (we never have evidence of that ofc), nothing says that Joseph was an old scrote old enough to be her dad.

She was like "yeah these marriage weren't perfect but they worked uwu" sticking into a marriage = marriage "working". Those marriage lasted because those women didn't have much alternative back then. Their backing support wasn't the same as those of modern/Western societies. Same in the West (because she also brought up old school family model with 8-10 kids). I mean, I'm ok for dunking on the sexual revolution as much as you want, but let's not act like access to a bank account, divorce and work didn't facilitate women nope'ing out of having big families. My grandparents stayed together until my grandpa died but I wouldn't say their marriage worked just because of that. Was she happy? Was she fulfilled? THOSE are the things that make a marriage working. Otherwise the Bible wouldn't tell spouses to treat well & cherish each other until death. Otherwise sticking together until the end would be enough.

She ended saying "when they get theirs period, young girls start having their hormones working.... If one of my daughter tells me she's interested in (marrying) a man I wouldn't tell her no" and that's how I noped out lmao

The excuse "hormones working" is like the WORST reason to get into marriage. When Paul said marriage was better than sexual immorality (sex outside marriage, masturbation), it was about people who weren't fit for celibacy, not those eaten by their flesh and eager get married just to have a valid situation to get their peepee wet.... The same Paul who said to not trust the flesh...but suuuure tHe hOrmOnEs 🤪

Also note how the "why would girls get their periods that early if it wasn't to get children" actually works both ways: if God wanted women to have children at 14 (like OP said) why would He make women have periods until their 60s? 🤔 Why would He made the window the be able to be a mother so WIDE (~50 years)?🤔Why did He show through the Bible several examples of MATURE women (not barely pubescent girls) getting children?🤔 The math ain't mathing.

She says, concerning the difficulty of having big families in the modern time, that God knew about how the world would work and would helps us go through it and therefore there's no reason to take contraception. Okie dookie, then why get mad at women getting children at later age?? God is good so he inspired doctors to make pregnancy safer at older ages. Women are living longer. Women don't have to get pregnant at 14 to hope seeing their children and grandchildren before dying. Why is it a problem?? 🤔 The Bible does ADAPT to a bunch of different lifestyle, so why not embrace it instead of shoving ONE model of pregnancy? Paul said that the good news was about FREEDOM.

She also said "it's said Mary was 14 when she got pregnant with Jesus uwu" WE LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT AGE MARY WAS AND THAT'S BY DESIGN BECAUSE GOD DIDN'T WANT YALL WEIRDOS TO HAVE A WEIRD FIXATION WITH AGE TO BREED WOMEN. IT'S THE SAME WITH THE AGE OR DATE OF BIRTH OF JESUS AND CHRISTIANS SHOEHORNING THE CELEBRATION OF CHRISTMAS. GOD DISMISSED THOSE DETAILS ON PURPOSE BUT YOU GUYS ARE CONSTANTLY MISSING HIS POINT DESPERATELY TRYING TO CLING ONTO WHAT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE RELEVANT TO BUILD YOUR THEOLOGY AND LIFE DECISION.

[shadowbanki]

Touhou USAmerican AU bios

Reimu-

Early 20’s

Seems practical but really isn’t

Seems meek but really isn’t

She’s friendly to strangers but is different and more assertive around Marisa

Done with (Marisa’s) shit

Banters with Marisa

Marisa always drags her into a bunch of incidents

She’s the one who has to resolve the incidents

Actually very formidable in a fight

Has burnout

Likes to take it easy but can’t

College student who is overwhelmed by all her duties

Plays violin but isn’t really that good

Half-Latina

Trans woman

Practicing Shinto in the USA

Has a crush on Marisa…

She’s stuck with Marisa as her sidekick and they’re always together

Marisa-

Early 20’s

Feral

Steals things a lot… or rather “borrows permanently”

One of the things she stole was Reimu’s heart

Flirts around as a joke but secretly really would take a bullet for Reimu

Loves Reimu a lot but doesn’t express it

Has an inferior complex and perceives Reimu as better than her

Obsessive 

Boisterous

Likes pranks

Likes to scare people with her witch image

Loves Halloween

Gets into trouble a lot

Probably has ADHD

Reimu’s sidekick

Yukari-

In her late 30’s

She’s a senior magical girl, mentor to Reimu and Marisa

Older sister type

Annoys Reimu

Doting but in an annoying way

Kind of like a (irresponsible) guardian to Reimu and Marisa

“Ara ara”

Mischievous

A bit like Princess Celestia but mixed with Eda from The Owl House

Cirno-

Annoying kid

Precocious but also dumb

⑨ years old

Can’t do math

Tiny

Drives everyone insane

Pretends to be an ice fairy, is actually somehow convincing

Loves shaved ice

Loves winter

Clownpiece-

Another annoying kid

12 years old

Feral

Comes from a family of clowns

Draws cursed art

Probably has deviantart despite being too young

Likes wolves

[crimsonblackrose]

.

They have a pumpkin lantern!

Miguel what is your room decorations? A skull...a monster (looks kinda AoT but idk) I kinda expected more spiderman for a guy whose grandma is supposed to be making him a spiderman costume.

Seriously, Miggy what is alll of this? It's like horror art.

I also don't know who this dude is that's on his wall multiple times. also the one wall of spooky horror looking art with the other wall of cutesy art is a mood. But also...I don't know any of these references. 😂

I forgot his first choice for costume was deadpool. I wonder if they didn't put any of those characters he wanted up in his room due to copyright. Since this is pre-netflix money and I assume most of it went to music rights. But again, I might just be missing the references to all these things.

"Miggy what happened to your hand? Uhhh.... You don't want to know." His grandma thinks he injured himself jerking off. 😂

So he's behind on a bunch of bills $430 for a late loan payment, he's made 20 payments but still owes 40 and is behind by like what looks like 2 months.

He owes $45.84 for power via Southern Power Source

My question related to the bills is...didn't he use Sid's check? How little did Sid give him? Or I suppose the other question is where did that money go?

omg I just noticed the LaRusso stairs. Those tiles are so cool!

Looks like someone drives Jeep Rubric...Kyler maybe? Did Kyler show up first thing? It's not like they're neighbors? Why's he out of the car? Are they driving together or seperate?

Amanda: "outside of wasting a few bucks of tuna he seemed harmless"

AMANDA THAT WAS NOT CHEAP TUNA. That was ridiculously expensive tuna that was wasted. TORO is not cheap.

I mean it's not that Daniel's gotta trust Johnny over Sam, it's that neither Sam doesn't know Kyler's awful (at the moment) and Daniel's met the guy once. There's more nuance to the situation. Plus technically Sam's 'fallen in with the wrong crowd'. She's throwing parties at your house without permission and not cleaning up after them. She's getting into car accidents and not telling anyone about it. She's not hanging out with her old friends. Like it's interesting how most shows put the push on "be friends with people who care about you" but Amanda and Daniel are like "so she wants to be popular" that's a great choice who cares what the people she hangs out with are like. Which do they even know these knew friends of hers?

Louie's movie recommendation: Jungle Fever

West Valley High School home of the Mountain Lions: "can't hide our lion pride" "Keep calm and roar on"

Demetri would rather play a game then get hit in the face...proceeds to get hit in the face later by Kreese.

2 things: 1 the vape city is new. And 2 that is a completely different address. Isn't that where Tom Cole's shop is?

Johnny's out here taping his signs up on palm trees near the Encino Commons and the first guy he tries to offer karate classes to is like a grandpa. Also, despite his protests on teaching women, he totally tries to give a flyer to a woman jogging past.

Sam has her own en suite bathroom. Which means she and Anthony don't fight over their bathrooms. Lucky, but also disappointing for sibling fighting.

I think the closest we get to TKK Daniel rambling yet is Amanda catching him snooping on Sam's laptop. Goes from wifi issues to making broccoli rabe to wondering if shark tank is on tonight. 😂

Miguel's backpack is also a Dodgers backpack. Yet nothing Dodgers related in his room.

New music mention: Ratt

The school has a swimming pool. Is this the same school that Johnny and Daniel went to or is it new? Does that mean they had swimming gym classes? Daniel did have access to a pool? Or is it a different school or possibly an addition?

"I thought you new this guy." "Of course not I lied." and Miguel's "awwww." like he's exhausted, disappointed but also not surprised.

What is that?!

Do you think Johnny did Miguel's make up for the skeleton?

I get that a. it's a piece of jewelry and b. it's like innocent but not actually innocent because of Kyler but also Daniel is a chaperone and his job is to keep the kids out of the classrooms...and at the dance...so...he's doing his job.

Kyler lying causes so many issues because everyone believes him. 😂

What sort of teen drama fake app is a 'new video alert'? Like does Yasmine just have everyone's phone number in the entire school???

...Miguel there's no zipper there. The zipper is in the back...how did you? Were you just miming going to the bathroom? Why? So your friends wouldn't feel lonely because you didn't have to go to the bathroom? Also does this mean Johnny and all the cobras had to treat those things like rompers?

So is Kyler captain hook and his friend is smee?

Why would the bathrooms also be the locker rooms that students can lock themselves into???? That seems super unsafe.

I guess if there's a photo of Ali then it must be the same school, but they must've changed their school colors from green and white.

[bitch-butter]

I joked that I was going to make a Lifetime movies rec list a while ago and Truly being bored at work has given birth to worse ideas, so this is one for my fellow cinephiles lol

My Highest Recommended Lifetime Movies in the Order in which they Changed my Life

Small Sacrifices (1989)

I'm honestly unclear whether this was intended originally to be a Lifetime movie because they showed it on a few different networks, but this was the first one that I ever remembered seeing and it Rocked my world. It's a true story about a woman named Diane Downs who attempted to murder her children and my mother and her friends lived for this film in a way that like is actually bonechilling. But I was spellbound by Farrah Fawcett in this movie, I thought she was the greatest actress I'd ever seen, and the story was really dark and scary and felt disgustingly salacious. So everything I'd come to like about Lifetime movies lol.

No One Would Tell (1996)

All my mom loved in the world was to wake up hungover on a Sunday and turn Lifetime on and proceed to fall asleep again while my tiny child peepers beheld Truly heinous shit. This one is one that I continue to make people watch because I can't be alone with the memories, but basically Candace Cameron is in a horribly abusive relationship with her boyfriend, Fred Savage, and he ends up murdering her and it is Incredibly sad and traumatic. There's a historic scene where she's taking a shower and her entire body is just littered with bruises and I will Never forget it!!!!!!!!! Very, very dark. But....iconic.

Odd Girl Out (2005)

This was the point in time where Uncle Television was very much concerned with telling young girls about bullying (for a different and just as good interp of this theme see ABC Family's Cyberbully starring Emily Osmont). But this one was the first and best to me, I related to it very much as an ostracized teen. It stars Alexa Vega, and she's a teen that has her whole popular friend group turn against her and she gets bullied bad lol It gets dark but only for like 20 minutes and then her redemption arc is nice. I loved this movie to death until I discovered Thirteen (2003), which is Way darker and had girls kissing in it for a few seconds.

Fab Five: The Texas Cheerleader Scandal (2008)

This movie was my identity. This movie was my child. Every time it was on TV I stopped whatever I was doing and watched it. I have no idea why, because I have been told people mainly find this one boring, but I think it's mostly due to the fact that I really do love movies where teenagers behave badly with impunity. This was a Ripped From the Headlines Lifetime movie about a roving band of cheerleaders that terrorize everyone in their wake at a Texas high school and basically get away with it because one of their mom's is the principal. I think it is a lol and a half, it's actually pretty competent, and there's like Good performances in it from actual actors. Highest rec possible.

Liz & Dick (2012)

Lindsay Lohan gets so unfairly maligned for her performance in this, it's sick. My most cherished memories of my last year of High School are watching this movie late at night and reading all of Lindsay's blind items and every article that was being written about her failed comeback. Again, I think she's actually okay in this, but for a lot of people it was insulting to cast Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor and to those people I say haters get thee behind me. It's fun, it's campy, it's not too long, everybody watch it and relax for a while.

Flowers in the Attic (2014)

DARK DARK DARK but also STUPID STUPID STUPID. Seriously this movie has no business being as funny as it is given the subject matter. Basically a bunch of kids are uprooted by the death of their father and their mother forces them to live in the attic of her wealthy parents home under false pretenses, and incest ensues. Which, again, sounds really upsetting but is actually pretty funny a lot of the time lol. Their evil god-fearing grandma is played by Ellen Burstyn and she's So over the top, and their mom is my queen Heather Graham who is actually pretty chilling. The other movies in the saga are Also pretty dark, stupid, and fun, but this one was a legit phenomenon. Me and my college roommate would host viewings of it in our dorm room, it's really fun to watch in a crowd of people that don't get darked out by poorly handled incest.

Harry and Meghan: A Royal Romance (2018)

This is part one of a trilogy, but it's probably the best one even though the third is pretty fun. Honestly, you guys, this one is just Nice. Truly dgaf about the irl Harry and Meghan but this movie is actually a very fun love story, and it's sweet and has a few legitimately compelling twists and turns, and ultimately has a really satisfying ending. The actors playing Meghan and Harry are stellar, it's funny, it's cute, another highly recced film.

Who Killed Jonbenet? (2016)

An unhinged Eion Bailey performance for the ages with added child murder. Sarah and I are Definitely recording an episode about this one in the future, but truly it's almost too bleak to be chic and gets saved at the last minute by how inadvertently goofy it is. Eion's character develops a psycho-sexual (to me) fixation on an older detective who comes in and basically upends his investigation, and everything about it gives "but daddy please" and I love it and hate it at the same time.

Death of a Cheerleader (1994/2019)

Both versions of this movie are elite, the original is truly iconic and the remake is actually deluxe and makes some changes that I think make it an actually interesting movie. In Lifetime fashion it is Based On a True Story (fun fact: in my younger years I listened to My Favorite Murder and this story gets mentioned in one of their first episodes and they offhandedly mention that the murder weapon was like 8 inches long and That is a fact that has stuck with me in the middle of the night). I'd say watch them both, because the OG has a Tori Spelling performance that cannot be missed and is just a basic mean girls comeuppance story, but the redux is a lot more thoughtful and actually reflects some humanity on all characters which (if you haven't noticed) Lifetime isn't always great at lol.

Too Young to Be a Dad (2002)

UGH. Me and my girlfriend Just watched this and honestly that's a shame because I wish I'd had this movie my entire life. Paul Dano is a teenager that loses his virginity and impregnates his friend in one fell swoop and he has to Step Up and become a Man as like a fifteen year old, which sounds crazy and is but is legitimately a captivating movie. And Paul Dano is sooo fucking good in, it's not even a joke, watch it for his performance alone. I laughed, I cried, a perfect film (even though they never address abortion as a viable option lol Lifetime can only go so far ig).

This was Purely just for me but if you read this and watch these movies please lmk what you thought ~

[arzner]

Maybe I just notice it more now that I'm in my 30s, but it seems like in so many different places I read just for casual conversation/gossip, people seem absolutely fixated on believing that women need to act in a ~certain way~ once they hit 30. You have to put away all "frivolous" hobbies and interests, you can't have any fun anymore, you have to be extremely mature and sure of yourself and never petty or flawed, you have to have Settled Down in life, etc. I find it really ridiculous. Then I wonder if I'm just particularly immature for my age or something, but I don't really think so. I just don't think there's that big of a difference between your late 20s and early 30s, I don't think that everyone needs to be on the same timetable or doing the same things in life anyway, and obviously I certainly don't think that women need to be hidden away at home raising children and serving men and doing nothing for themselves or whatever it is these people think women "need" to be doing by a certain age.

I don't want to pin this on any one group or start any silly generation wars, but it does seem like a lot of this comes from people a generation or so younger than me...which I guess is somewhat natural: when you're really young you sometimes kind of think everyone older than you is Old, but in some ways it seems more pronounced in this group. Fear of aging is not new in the slightest, but I've had to spend some time with people about a decade younger than me lately (when usually I find myself around people my own age or older) and they seem really fixated on ages even down to thinking, for example, that a 24-year-old is markedly older than a 22-year-old, and they talk about age constantly. Maybe it's just the particular people I've been around. I don't know. It's just not something I remember my peers being as obsessed with when we were their age. I remember thinking that everyone within about five years of my age was the same as me when I was in my 20s.

It's all been bothering me lately, and I should probably just ignore it, but I guess it's hitting me at a time when I finally felt like I'd mostly gotten over all the fears and insecurities about aging, and it's sort of dragging me right back. It also depresses me that so many people, even self-proclaimed progressives, truly think that women don't deserve to live our lives for ourselves...and that having hobbies and interests past a certain age is pathetic, that spending any time online past a certain age is inappropriate, that our only purpose in life is settling down with a bunch of babies and a husband. They may know better than to say this so explicitly, but it's clear that this is what they believe deep down.

Maybe people want to believe that something mystical happens the day you turn 30, but it really doesn't. You don't change overnight, you don't unlock any secret wisdom, you aren't suddenly ancient... You're the same person you were the night before when you were 29. It's also frustrating that so many people think having kids and/or marrying men is the only path to "maturity" for women. I know plenty of immature parents and plenty of mature childfree people, plenty of 30-somethings who are totally unsure of themselves and plenty of 20-somethings who are quite mature... I don't say any of this to discourage growth or encourage immaturity and helplessness in adults -- I just think there are so many different ways to live your life, and I'm deeply tired of running into these totally regressive, sexist attitudes lately. Way too many people have such strange ideas about what a woman in her 30s "should" be. Maybe they haven't been around enough people in their 30s, but we're as varied as people in their 20s are.