#If I could fix ONE THING about myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

beanghostprincess · 11 months ago

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Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.

And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.

That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.

Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.

#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties #kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like-#they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things #they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane #this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be #it depends on my mood #i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days #you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful #but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs #luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh #i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that #if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain #idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf #one piece #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #zosan

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pkmoth · 2 months ago

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ohhh my GOD this took so much time but WOOOO BATTLE SPRITES!!!!!!!!!!! HELL YES!!!!!!!!!!! i was Also able to mod them actually In Game which is SO exciting i feel so proud of myself

ANYWAYS UM!!!! heres king lucas hes fine and sane and normal i promise <33333 will yap more about him in the eventual au masterpost once i get this aus loop design drawn :]

party menu | in love and time au tag

#in love and time au #im fucking. giddy im five seconds from exploding #theres certainly things id fix about these sprites theyre not perfect but i already spent so much time on them i dont wanna. heart #anyways im So hyped about being able to put em in game this opens up so many opportunities #maybe i could make more sprites and then make a short video or smth-- *shot for getting ahead of myself*#claus mother 3 #lucas mother 3 #ness earthbound #paula earthbound #ninten mother 1 #mother 3 #earthbound #mother 1 #mothscribbles #one day ill post at a normal hour. that day is not today #also please ask if you want this spoiler tagged #for like. idk the king #i think the rule in my head is that anything past act 2 will get spoiler tagged but acts 1-2 will be fairly free game??#but im up for whatever yall want

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sophsicle · 2 months ago

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I AM A GROWN ADULT

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danicloth · 4 months ago

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It feels good to see the world again 🌈✨

Hi guys! It’s been a while UwU

So… only some people knew (more those who follow me on insta jaja) but a few weeks ago I had complications in my recovery post eye surgery and a week ago I had surgery again (nothing too serious don’t worry).

But finally… after everything, I'm free!, my doctor already gave me the definitive permission to start doing things (although obviously he recommended me to go slow... which I'm going to do >w>💦) so I'll start finishing everything I had planned and start some others little things… but taking my time obviously.

Thank you so so so much to everyone who sent a message of courage and luck during my first and second surgery 🫶🏼, I really appreciate it 💜

And all I can say is that it was a strange experience... not bad or good... just... weird…

⚠️ Oh! For those who ask me about my commissions, my last last checkup would be in a month :D soooo if everything goes well I would have commissions at the end of September ✨ (‘cause there are holidays and I also need to recover financially from all this TwT)

#It really hits you when your doctor tells you that your case was one in one hundred 👀#But I'm very glad it could be fixed #danicloth #dani talk #drawing #illustration #digital drawing #digital illustration #my art style #drawings #illustrations #about myself #drawing myself #myself #sketch #doodle #and stay tune ‘cause I have lots of thing planned 🔥

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skunkes · 3 months ago

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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)

but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.

the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore

#talkys #my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading #to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want #to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing #never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it #nothing seems very worth it #im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true #well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's #moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai #delete later #even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions #my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years #and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came #im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that #<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave #and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever #and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l

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blaithnne · 2 months ago

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If I may, how do you typically approach choosing colors in your art? It always has just a lovely feel to it, so I was a bit curious; don't feel pressured to answer ofc :]

I’ve been using a lot of gradient maps lately, they work by switching the greys in your piece with a corresponding colour according to its value. Basically, I colour in black and white, grab a gradient map, and then I adjust the colours by hand until I’m happy with it. This isn’t the only kind of colouring I do, but it works great if you’re in a rush or you’re struggling to find a good starting point for your colours. I’ve been operating under a time crunch for these Sketchbook Week drawings and the Plenism promo stuff I made, so for all except one I used gradient maps. I’m actually in a bit of a funk with my colours right now soooo I’ll come back and do a proper colouring tutorial for my style once I’m happier with how my non gradient mapped colours are looking !

#after sketchbook weeks over I wanna sit and do some colour studies to find palettes I’m more happy with #even these gradient map ones I’m not thrilled with #they’re fine! but I could do better #in terms of other tricks I use I’ll often adjust the hues and saturations if the whole piece to give things more unity if I’m struggling #and/or add a new layer on top of everything and fill it with one base colour #and play around with different layer settings and opacities on top #I’ve found a luminosity layer on a low 5-10% setting is quite nice #basicslly I fuck around and find out #and if I’m in a rush I use a gradient map #they’re not neccesarily a quick fix! if you’re like me you’ll still want to do some tweaking after it’s been applied #and you need to pay attention to your values when you’re colouring in black and white #but that’s another good thing about gradient maps - they force you to focus on value over hue which is an important skill to build #so yeah I’ll come back to this and make an actual colouring tutorial once I feel like I have actual good advice to give #cause rn I’m just very meh in my colouring and I don’t think I have anything very helpful to add #need to find some tutorials myself first !#ty for the ask!#ask #art #my art #bpcol-reblogs #textpost #blethering #for this piece the adjustments were minimal in comparison to what I usually do btw #because I was rushinggggg lol #I did more for my Plenism posters n such #but I can’t really show good comparisons because I. didn’t save them like that #I usually smush all my layers together when I’m drawing sooo yeah makes it hard to go back my bad whoops #but I saved as I was going whilst drawing this so I could provide examples yipee!#if I’d been smarter and remembered more I could’ve had more process screenshots butttt oh well lmao

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sysig · 22 days ago

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Coding woes (Patreon)

#Doodles #Original #Ukadevlog #Bug testing sure is something lol #These are both problems I've figured out now luckily! And I did them on my own! :D Extra pleased with myself :3 #My slightly cocky attitude of ''Well that was frustrating - luckily I'll never run into another problem again'' amuses me lol #'Cause in the moment everything's flying! The code comes together lovely and it's all great! And then I come up to the next thing #Something I haven't done before - something that there's no Direct how-to of how to do a thing #Like setting player-and-character pronouns! I didn't know how to do that! But I figured it out!! :0 What a rush haha #It really did take me an evening of knocking my head against the wall in attempts - I waaaayyy overcomplicated it to start haha #I was like - trying to set up a system that would call on specific pronoun sets individually based on player input #Ridiculous - so much easier to just slap some values into an envelope and have those tied to a specific shell lol #But that took all night! I got sleepy while working on it and even my drowsy brain was like Wait...what am I supposed to check against? Haha #Such a weird experience subconsciously as well :0 'Cause I had normal dreams that night #Maybe some slight code-adjacent dreams of A Screen With Text On It but that could be anything :P #Most of it was just normal dream melodrama - but in the few times I woke up to readjust or roll over or pull my blanket #It was juuuuust enough for my ''conscious'' brain to kick in and think about what to compare against - what structure would work #And so by the time I woke up proper I had to frantically write down a bunch of code in a spare word document so I wouldn't go stir crazy lol #Breakfast must wait! Dailies must wait! I Have to write this down!!#And when I implemented it - it worked exactly as I hoped it would and is much much Muuuuuch simpler to call upon haha #Wow! That was a weird fluke that definitely won't happen again! Haha #I don't actually believe that I just have no way of guessing which aspect will trip me up - This Should Be Easy! And then it isn't lol #Definitely didn't predict the second - Especially because other than a small roadbump of not knowing how to Shell-Switch (ty again Cherry ♥)#Everything up to then was going well and everything after that was going fine! Until The One Thing happened pffbtl #I wanted to assign a value to check if a specific piece of code was being called upon - basically a fork between two outcomes #That went fine! The value Was changing! But only the first fork was being called???#No lol I just didn't put the second = ugh pft - and what's more frustrating is that I'd been using == up to that point!! I'd been warned!!!!#I - for some reason - was convinced that using && would make the value check Only need to check If x = 1... That's not how it works......#It's an If statement! If x = 1 then why do I have to check IF x == 1! Just check!!! Hwagh rules and whatnot lol #Like I said it's all fixed now but sheesh! What a silly mistake! I knew better!! And now I double know better haha

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ya-what--ya-erster · 11 months ago

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Ohio obsession anyone?

And then I said thank you prayers for the blend option, paint bucket, color match, and reference images

(read tags lol it explains the random shift in art style)

#as you may notice my art style is not a solid thing #but ive been working on this one since Christmas so thats why it looks better than my casual paper art and two hour digital art otherwise #THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE OH MY GOSH #htdio musical #htdio #how to dance in ohio #how to dance in ohio musical #remy centered art because yes #i spent weeks #weeks i tell you #you see how carolines soul like shifted out of her body lmao #accident that i could not bring myself to fix bc i find it funny #sorry for posting about htdio so much

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the-everqueen · 3 months ago

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the degree to which i want to just tell my "mentor," You win. i'm burned out, i'm tired, i don't feel capable, i don't think my work is actually doing anything useful for the field, i want to be done, the dream of being able to do good work in a hostile place for the others like me, who were meant to never get here--that's no longer a dream because i'm not sure it's actually possible. i quit. it was stupid of me to think for almost a decade that maybe i could carve out a space.

#sobre mi #welcome to academia #yesterday i sent her the chapter i owed her and she IMMEDIATELY emailed back asking ''where is the other one''#i replied with what we'd decided on months ago; haven't heard from her since #the way i've lost any faith that my work could be for someone else what bey and weheliye and spillers were to me #the way i've been told repeatedly that my work just isn't Good Enough #i already was anxious about the job market and now i'm like. what if i just...didn't.#i'm supposed to write an article this week BASED on this chapter #and i just can't pull myself to do it bc i'm anticipating [redacted] telling me the whole argument is shit #it's just so frustrating to feel like any feedback is always critical #like we can't acknowledge what might be good about the thing #and then fixing what's wrong is up to me even tho i'm not treated as capable

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muzzlemouths · 10 months ago

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Muzz!!! Hello I hope you're doing well waa!

I hope you're sleeping also!! squints my eyes at you (affectionate)

KIBS!!!! HELLO KIBBS HI. I'm doing alright thank you for asking!! I hope YOU are doing FANTASTIC!!!!!! don't look at my sleep schedule though. it's fine I promise it's FINE but don't. look at it ok

#hi Kibs not to sound dramatic or anything but um. this ask made me sniffle. a little #i WISH i was joking but that's how things are rn #i have been feeling a little Not Great about my lack of presence over here on this webbed site #because I miss you I miss my friends #and I don't participate in the many many discord group chats i'm in because I am shy and bad at initiating conversation #and i don't participate in magmas because i'm too self conscious for magmas #but that just leaves me in a corner ALONE like a LOSER while everyone else is partying. like that one meme #which is something i could totally fix myself in under a day if i just got myself out there but that has yet to happen #ALL OF THIS TO SAY #I was touched by you reaching out and I'm going to be hugging this ask to my chest for the next few hours. days even #THANK YOU ILU I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I HOPE YOUR DAY/NIGHT IS WONDERFUL AND YOU GET LOTS OF SLEEP

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b00m-b0mb · 4 months ago

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Something really funny that's occurred to me is the way Joe talks about Maccie is like she's some catastrophic event that happened to their family "I can't believe she's been here that long." / "Everything's been different since she was born" / "Everything changed." / "She changed everything."

And it's just rlly funny to me. I want to up the dramaticness of his words at some point. And anyway, he's talking to the Samurai/Ronin for the first time and I'm wondering the impression he's getting lmao

Joe is certainly expressive to me, but only when he's given the chance. And I think w Ronin, he just started letting a lot of stuff out bc thus guy is gonna go on his way anyways.. but then he's like wait!!! Actually let me go?? For a little? (Platonic yearning so bad)

Ronin like 》^. "I suppose.. Alright, curious karate man, I'll accompany you a little longer."

Or something I'm messing around UGH

#the reason everything changed is bc joes mother passed away either shortly after Maccies birth or during #that started the strain w joe and sr but they also had.. her yk? its just sillay #dysfunctional karate family ily <3 #sr isnt a terrible father he is just narrow sighted and firmly believes he knows best. he doesnt give his kids the room to grow- but he #really loves them. he just wants to protect them in a way i think.. he just lost his wife and i think that made his parenting way more #overbearing. buT ALSO. JOE JUST BEEFS W MACCIE BC YK SJXNXNX theyre siblings #espexially when they were younger. teen joe is sooo funny to me. teen angst ft this baby i dont want in my room KGLZLGKXMVKKC #in current theyre much much closer and Joe has remained Maccie's favorite person. but Joe still gets really annoyed / tired of her sometime #SRRY ugh ily karate family #also also ronin and maccie dynamic so real. i like ronin being patient with children. except maccie is wayyyy more antagonizing to him than #like my oc the lost girl. so fun!!!! sorry #karate maccie #rh head canon #< new tag #karate joe #sr isnt a bad dad on purpose agenda. sr could have the possibility to apologize and fix things one day.#maccies only ever known this version of her father and she doesnt have the capaxity to try and forgive him for certain things joe will #maccie is the golden child but she is also the problem child. she uses her favor to her advantage and to rile up her dad sometimes #just bevause she can and she has a little bit of a problem with him sometimes bc.. you know? shes a very ambitious teen and she doesnt wsnt #to be shackled..... and she doesnt like thinking of Joe as that way and UGH #i love them im normal #to elaborate a tiny bit more i hc joe as having chronic fatigue like myself. hes low spoons and he pushes himself despite it.#but his disability holds him back sometimes snd its like.. you know? he doesnt want to be the weak memver of the family so he keeps pushing #but he also cares about karate too. its not something negative to him. and stuff. even if its hard. its avtually good for his body / health #when he doesnt overexert himself anyway

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cavity-collector · 4 months ago

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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit

#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me #i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum #my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation #depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man #theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please #i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good #but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great #i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to #actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die #i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless #i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something #probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so #ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left #ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this #an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways #no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil #because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good #idk what im saying anymore #someone shoot me #please im not kidding #just make it stop #tw vent #tw sui #delete later

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aquaticfreakshow-sys · 2 days ago

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Oh noo,, venting.

I wish my relationship would stop having to almost end just for one day of actually being thought about instead of neglected and forced to do everything for both of us on my own

#all of 2024 was the same cycle of me begging him to stop and him repeating it immediately. im so tired. im so tired #i keep telling myself that yknow. at least he isn't violent anymore. but. id take getting screamed at over getting ignored.#this is the one last chance to fix it before i walk away from everything. even though ive said that several times. i mean it #i mean it. i cant take this anymore #i haven't felt truly loved in so long. it feels like hes just attached to me instead of loving me.#ill never forget being told “i only yell at you because i feel comfortable with you” or being called th//nsp* when i asked for recovery help #ill never forget crying and begging him to Stop only for him to continue. and do it again the next day. and the next.#leaving me alone despite promises to stay. never considering me. never listening or trying anything at all #he fakeclaimed my autism once. that is something ill never forget.#i relapsed after four years because it made me feel tired and sleepy so that i could sleep when he breaks those promises to stay. i told him #and he only started caring about that when someone else brought it up to him.#im so fucking tired #i want to fix things but im the only one trying

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goblin-enjoyer · 3 months ago

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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”

*doesn’t draw

“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post