#IWroteThis

[outofmyheartandintoyourlungs]

November 27, 2022

9:34pm

the cold rain glazes my glasses

I rub my eyes

the aura of the street lamps

leaving me in a haze

I sift through pages and pages of memories

Words that are locked inside my head

Trying to find my own way to healing

Words I’ve left unspoken

Unsettling pictures of what should’ve been

keep flooding my mind

Intrusive thoughts of how I’ve been betrayed

But here I am now, safe

Floating lonely

Loneliness often brought comfort back then

in those darkest nights as I lay there with nothing

but the echoes of sirens and hum of

electronics

A sigh of relief accompanied by silent dread

I try to pick it apart

How I could’ve changed the ending

But the story was already written

I was just the protagonist

[dr-patriot]

Knowing that Polish wikipedia is replete with holocaust revisionism (which has partially spread to English wikipedia articles regarding Polish topics) and that similarly alarming things have happened in Croatian wikipedia, I wonder “What sorts of extreme biases are present in English wikipedia?”

[sinvulkt-art]

[iflytothestars]

quote from my book

If the moon could talk, wouldn’t she say thank you?

Suns and moons, little children of the universe, now taking their place in the sky.

My son is the star of my eye, shining a path for others to follow, and so following his example, you will be the stars lighting the way for the lost.

Mother and son, hand in hand. It was lovely to be loved.

All must bow to Time, but I must press my face into the dirt and beg.

[soulsfailashesrise]

#poetry #poem #writing #poetssociety #writersguild #writerscommunity #words #trending #think #thoughts #places #deep #betweenthelines #follow #share #mywords #iwrotethis #stillhere #sky #sad #broken #lost #memories #look #doyousee https://www.instagram.com/p/CqJN7WqPbSK/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[aeriseta]

Wow! I wrote this poem almost a decade ago! 🤯 It has been some time since I last shared it publicly so I thought I would bring it back out into the spotlight because I really love the imagery I used throughout it! Let me know what you think! 🥰😄 #rhymes #rhymetime #poetrylover #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #iwrotethis #poetry🥀 #poet #wordsmith #creation #sourceofinspiration #paintingwithwords #imagery https://www.instagram.com/p/CnybsmbOgAk/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[ninewheels]

courtesy of @miss-nerdstiles

[phati-sari]

Arshi FF: Tere Bin - Chapter 8

Read from the beginning | Chapter 7

Chapter 8: Ranjha (listen while reading)

Khushi

“What was he doing here?”

Khushi answered without turning, her head resting on the window sill as she studied the moon. “I don’t know.”

It’d taken a long time to escape to the room she shared with her sister after they’d first stepped through the doors. First, Amma had asked about the hospital visit, making Khushi recite everything the Doctor Sahib had said while Bua-ji interrupted often to ask questions. Babu-ji had soon taken over, asking to see the paperwork Khushi had collected and asking a few questions of his own. Still full from the gol gappe, Khushi had nibbled on some puri under Jiji’s watchful gaze while the family considered the payment plan the clinic had laid out.

Luckily, no one had asked exactly how she’d gotten home.

“You were in his car, Khushi.” Jiji came to stand next to her, her tone coloured with disapproval.

“The auto broke down. He was driving past.”

“He, of all the people in Lucknow and Delhi, just happened to be driving by? At the exact moment your auto broke down?”

An odd defensiveness flared in her chest, words popping out of her mouth before she’d thought them through.

“What can I say, Jiji? My phone’s battery was dead, it was dark. He offered to drop me home.”

Jiji reached out to touch her shoulder. “Did he fight with you again?”

No, he bought me gol gappe.

“No more than usual,” Khushi tried to smile at her sister. “I’m fine. Really. He drove me home. That’s all.”

Though she looked unconvinced, Jiji stepped away with a nod to ready herself for bed. Khushi waited until she was alone to snatch her bag from where it hung on a hook. Her searching fingers found the business card he’d offered.

“Well, it’s just that you like arguing so much, and we argue so often … I think we should keep in touch.”

At the time, she’d been so startled that she’d simply taken the card and slid from the car without answering. Jiji, fortunately, had been too busy scowling at him through the windows to notice as she’d slipped it into her bag.

The card was thick, the surface almost velvety to the touch. It sported a bright red logo in the top corner and announced his name in crisp black letters — ARNAV SINGH RAIZADA. Khushi shook her head to clear the unbidden memory of correcting his name on hundreds of letters.

The writing on the card included a number she recognised for the reception desk at the head offices and an email address that his managers monitored. But he’d scrawled another number untidily along one side with a black pen.

His personal number, Khushi realised with a jolt.

It felt strangely intimate, though logic reminded her that she’d had the same number saved in her phone before he’d broken it on the storeroom floor.

Why is he still in Lucknow?

On the heels of this thought came another: Why should I care?!

Her mind was suddenly awhirl with memories — raised voices and shouted words, a fall from his window, the broken door to the storeroom. His airs about money and power. The terror of the guesthouse.

Khushi ripped the business card in half, her breath coming in rapid pants, and then tore it into even smaller pieces. Tears stung in her eyes. She scrunched the pieces into her palm as Jiji returned to the room.

“Make sure you wake up early tomorrow,” her sister draped her towel near the window. “We’re going to the temple.”

“Okay.”

Waiting until Jiji was occupied with something in the cupboard, Khushi returned the ruined card to her bag. In the bathroom, she brushed her teeth and washed her face before studying her reflection. Her pulse was a chaotic drumbeat in her body, her thoughts a wild tangle. And underneath it all was something that thrilled and scared her at the same time, something that had followed her to Lucknow.

                                    #####

“Everything leads back to him,” Jiji had groaned, rolling on her side on the bed they shared. “Just go to sleep quietly.”

It had been a week since they’d returned to Lucknow, and Khushi had been comparing the price of potatoes between Lucknow and Delhi. Or at least, that was how the conversation had started. She couldn’t remember how they’d gotten to talking about that Laad Governor.

“You’re right Jiji. We’re in Lucknow now and we’ll soon forget that we ever went to Delhi. Or that we met such cruel, haughty people. Although … Anjali-ji had such sweetness in her. It’s a shame that we had to leave without saying goodbye to her. At least we met one nice person in Delhi. Oh … and Nani-ji. Maybe two nice people. And Aakash-ji, I suppose, though —”

“— Khushi! Are you going to count out every member of his family? Your mind is like a compass that’s always stuck on him!”

“And why wouldn’t it be?” Khushi had asked hotly. “He sent me there to do some meaningless task, knowing the place was about to collapse.”

“I know. You’ll never have to see him again, Khushi. You resigned from that awful job, you gave him an earful, and now you’re here and he’s there.”

The words should have elated her, but they only left her feeling strangely hollow.

                                    #####

That hollowness sat heavily inside her as Khushi joined her sister in their bed a few minutes later, sliding between the covers with a sigh.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Jiji’s voice was soft in the dimness.

“Yes.”

“You barely ate dinner.”

“I’m not hungry.”

A short silence, in which Khushi’s mind unhelpfully replayed the way she’d fallen into his arms yet again.

Oh Devi Maiyya, couldn’t you find another place to make me slip? You mustn’t have liked the offering I left you this morning.

“I’m glad we came back to Babu-ji,” Jiji said softly. “I can’t imagine being away from home at a time like this.”

“The doctors said that as long as he rests properly and takes his medicines, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“He isn’t resting nearly enough, even with both of us at the shop.”

Khushi nodded her agreement, “He’s worried about the bills.”

“Bua-ji and Amma are talking about selling some jewellery. I thought I’d give them my bangles.”

“I have bangles we can sell too.”

It took a while for Jiji’s breathing to fall into the deep, slow rhythm of sleep. Khushi lay awake, her thoughts chasing each other in ever-tightening spirals.

The night of the photoshoot. The softness of her pallu as it slipped. The scorch of his gaze as it roved over her body and left her feeling singed. The electricity between them on Teej, every touch a bolt of lightning. The weight of him pressing into her in the storeroom.

She flushed, skin prickling and warmth blooming in secret places.

Stop it, Khushi. A handful of gol gappe is all it takes for you to forget his cruelty?

She turned onto her side with a huff. Sometimes it felt as though her life had been split into Before and After, as though falling at the fashion show had created an entirely new Khushi Kumari Gupta. A Khushi who was strangely compelled towards him, a Khushi who’d come dangerously close to swooning in his arms today. A Khushi who wanted something she had no name for.

“I didn’t know the situation at the guesthouse was that bad!”

“Do you really think I would’ve sent you there if I’d known? Is that what you think of me?”

For the first time, she allowed herself to entertain the idea that he hadn’t sent her there on purpose.

So what if he hadn’t? I was still trapped there for an entire day. He was wrong.

But the thought was impossible to dislodge now that it’d wormed into her mind. Having assumed he’d wanted to argue every time he’d approached her, she now considered whether he might have been trying to explain. She saw their interactions in a new light. The sweets, the cheque.

Did he feel guilty? Was he trying to say sorry?

She eventually fell into an uneasy sleep, tormented in her dreams by his eyes, his voice, the memory of his touch. She woke just before dawn, breathless and damp with sweat, the sheets tangled with her legs. Flinging them off, Khushi sat up in bed. Her sister made a questioning noise.

“Sleep, Jiji. It’s not time to wake up yet.”

A nameless storm raged in her chest, making it hard to breathe. She squeezed her eyes shut.

I should hate him.

A lurch in her tummy.

But I don’t.

Padding slowly over to her bag, she fished out the pieces of the business card one by one. There was a roll of tape amongst the paper and pens scattered on the table in the corner. Khushi glanced back at her sister as she sat. It took a few minutes to line up the jagged edges, to press the tape along them with trembling fingers until she could read his name again.

He’d set down a challenge. She wouldn’t back down.

    ********

Thanks for reading :) I know some of you may be disappointed with the level of introspection in this chapter and where I chose to end it. Tere Bin is Arnav’s story, one where he has to work out what he wants and how to get it while Khushi is in Lucknow. While I intend to dip into Khushi’s point of view where the story demands it (and I feel that her presence greatly improved Chapters 6 and 7), it will focus heavily on Arnav. I am not intentionally writing something to annoy or disappoint readers. I’m trying to do something very specific with this story, and like all experiments, I’m learning as I go :) 

[cuillere]

Hi! A prompt for DADWC: Hawke and crew using the turtle with a candle on its back. Are they doing a robery? A rescue? Infiltrating the Chantry? The Gallows? It's up to you ;) Have fun! <3

Thank you so much for this prompt! I absolutely love the turtle trick :) I hoe you have fun reading this :) For @dadrunkwriting , 451 words

---

"We can't just let them rot in there." Hawke was set on this. "Sure, but we also can't fight them all off," "And," Varric added pointedly, "you don't wanna get Knight-Captain Cullen Rutherford angry at you." Hawke basically ignored the comment and insisted : "We just have to go there discreetly, and then send them away. No one will ever know." There could have been a little note of despair in there, or maybe it was Hawke trying very hard but Varric couldn't quite be sure which. "How does this work exactly? We just get in, say hi and pray nobody else is in here?" asked Fenris, in a very sarcastic voice. "Definitely not." Anders chimed in. he seemed ready to add something else, but Varric interupted him. "I have an idea."

The air is stiff and warm in the dark rooms of the Gallows. It would be very silent, was it not for the occasional footstep. And also: "Who has the turtle?" "Hawke, I thought you had the turtle." "What do you mean you thought I had the turtle?" "Did you not catch it when it got blown off?" "How could I catch it since it was turned off and I couldn't see anything?" "It was right in front of you, I don't know!" A deep sigh was the only response to Varric's question. He could very well imagine Hawke pinching the bridge of their nose, but he was very much upset. This was one of the times when he would wonder why he's following this imbecile.

There was a slight sound of ruffling fabric, and the tell-tale sound of the flint. Varric turned to see Fenris's grumpy face. He moved forward without a word and barely a sound until he reached Hawke and handed them the candle. "Find the damned turtle."

It was a few more minutes of frustrated silence until Hawke finally whisper-shouted : "I have it" and lighted the candle on the turtle before blowing the one in their hand.

They held the turtle in front of them for light until they reached the rest of the team, which was not so far away, luckily. "Ok, let's go then!"

The candle-attached turtle gently strolled through each room and was luckily each time greeted only by silence, whether the room was lit or not. There was one time, when it was about to go in an inhabited room, but they had heard laughter right before they let the turtle in, so they didn't have to burn their cover.

Anders named the turtle lucky and though it did not lend its back to more of this experiment, it did keep all of them quite lucky on their adventures.

[isitavideovisionsofgideon]

You claim to know your flaws by heart

Claim that you land on

god's own feet to beg for

divine forgiveness

That the priests and believers and the son himself,

call for you in

perfect unison.

Claim that your love isn't

conditional, that it's

open and holy and

unfaltering

But you weave the crown

of thorns

You twist the twine

together while blood

pools at your feet

You place it on the heads of

those you call ungodly

and drip by drip their

wicked, red wine blood

fills your empty cup

This is holy communion,

you say

Devour it

[outofmyheartandintoyourlungs]

November 29, 2022

I was a shape shifter In a lions fur coat

Was I trying to be brave?

Save the sinner, become the saviour

I was a pawn in a losing game

You’d strike a match

I’d douse the flame

All because I wanted you

to call me by my name

I hid it well for a while

Wore a mask to cover my gloomy disposition

Braved storms that I did not beckon

Lost myself in your ocean

I put you on a pedestal

I became a safe house for your suffering

All you did was waste my salvation

Sacrificed myself for nothing

Played it off like I was living the dream

But inside I was screaming

Wondering if I was losing my mind

Kept myself from leaving

It was all sadistic

I’d twist And turn

At every inch, every curve

Ready to fight back just as dirty

Had this dream I had it all

I was chosen

Yet it wasn’t by you,

it’s what I longed for

Then I woke up screaming

I watched it crash and burn

As the seasons turned

From summer to fall

~About my trauma bond of a relationship, losing my mental health, losing myself

[dr-patriot]

Why I like Totto Land

1. Like Water 7, it’s one of the only places where the story isn’t one of a virtuous leader being usurped by an evil one.

2. It’s a weirdly good analogy for the IRL first world: its inhabitants are exploited, but not as much as the inhabitants of the islands their ruling pirates raid for ingredients. People from all over then move to Totto Land for a little bit of safety from pirates like the ones who rule Totto Land, and then Totto Landers chauvinistically pat themselves on the back for living in a diverse country.

[grapecola]

Read my blog. I love it when you do.

[featherafter]

Love is God

love is a poem misunderstood Its true meaning concealed yet obvious to a mind that can see and read beyond words tucked carefully in metaphors and similes

love is God

-rg

[sinvulkt]

"I dreamt a dream within a dream."

"And what did the dream said?"

"It said- 'if you are not ready, don't do it. But if you are, my dear, then jump with both eyes closed. For you will fly without fail.'"

[aeriseta]

Wow! I wrote this poem almost a decade ago! 🤯 It has been some time since I last shared it publicly so I thought I would bring it back out into the spotlight because I really love the imagery I used throughout it! Let me know what you think! 🥰😄 #rhymes #rhymetime #poetrylover #poetsofinstagram #writersofinstagram #iwrotethis #poetry🥀 #poet #wordsmith #creation #sourceofinspiration #paintingwithwords #imagery https://www.instagram.com/p/CnyaasiuqK8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=