#IVE NEVER SEEN ONE IN PERSON BEFORE
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THERES A CENTIPEDE IN MY LAUNDRY BASKET
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!! I found a shiny golden beetle while gardening this morning!
#insects#beetle#golden tortoise beetle#i think#these guys are so cool#ive never seen one in person before
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Different standards
#didnt mean to do this one in quote unquote colour but it wasnt legible without it so. heres a treat i suppose#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#coughs up a lung. anyway. ramble time as per usual. this is what i was warming up for btw in case it wasnt obvious#besides being another entry in the 'letting bonnie read loop for filth on accident' series. this is mostly self indulgent musings on#headcanons (and i will just use that word here.) ive previously rambled about in other tags and posts#namely: in the scenario that loop integrates into the party as a New Person for quite a while before The Truth Come Out. i feel they have#a decent chance at really scoring a slam dunk in becoming a guardian figure for bonnie? loop's demeanor is already colder and a tiny#bit more level-headed than siffrin's in the way they seem to discuss bonnie with them. namely pointing out that bonnie#never really hated them. it seems to be one thing they're genuinely at peace with? they've seen by now the truth that bonnie#was just scared and upset. and likely now knows that what bonnie wants is to be treated with grown-up respect within reason. plus loop#already scores bonus points with bonnie since they didnt 1. fuck up bad like sif did in act 5 and 2. saved sif in the party's eyes#... but then when it turns out that this clean-slate relationship with a stranger was siffrin being deceitful? must have been odd.#bonnie seems to really dislike being lied to. the question is whether they'd see it that way? would they feel betrayed there?#anyway. this is set after all those emotions are at least settled some. loop able to be more physically affectionate... and yet#still not letting themselves be quite as close as they'd like perhaps. perhaps...#anyway translucent pyjamas because i dont care if you're comforting a crying child you've GOT to SERVE!!!#and also i feel like the party probably wouldn't let loop stay completely naked for that long. especially not post-reveal anyway
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HI GENE the disgust and emby art you just posted. it just made me remember how in the beginning of the second movie before the new emotions showed up, all the memories that had to do with "embarrassing" stuff were driven by disgust (i'm specifically thinking of like. one memory joy mentions where riley accidentally waved at someone she thought was waving at her LOL. and another where she walks into a glass door.)!! LIKEEE i see it. just know i see it.....
YYYES YESYES EXACTLY !!! iirc disgust was also the one that pointed out that riley's classmates started talking about her when she cried in the first movie as well...so yeas absolutely!! they do have a lot of overlap in the social awareness area it's so fun to think aboute....... and they manage to cover like, different aspects of it especially through their personalities AUGHH they're so silly. I would love to explore more of their dynamic like that. Thnak you for seeing my vision
#a little aside but i HAVE to be honest#i started the whole 'give me a duo' thing because of these two#and i find it insanely funny that out of all the asks i got... i never got one for them#(and YES i will get back to them again bc i want to yap more lmao)#aside aside in the fear n disgust post i made for that i mentioned in the tags another pair where disgust gels REALLY well#with another emotion despite their opposing personalities - yep you guessed it it's them too LOL#popular girl with the socially awkwward nerd WHO WOULDVE GUESSED.!#hnmmg hidden treasures. shout out to that one fanart i saw that I NEVER REBLOGGED HERE#where they did ship disgust n emby together and that was like the first and only time iv seen ship art of them#before i doodled them together. i have to find it again#gene answers#meteorherd#WOW sorry about the tags holy shit KSDJFHSD#disgust#embarrassment
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guy wakes up in a place he recognizes but doesn't know why or how he got there. he's a bit confused but he lives out the next few hours just like he normally would, just a bit dazed. but once he goes to sleep, it immediately restarts back to where he woke up.
he realizes this is a time loop... but something is different about it.
he realizes pretty quickly that this is some sort of dreamscape. it's a time loop, but for some reason, things around him do change, and he can pretty easily change things too just by thinking of them, like a lucid dream. but he always wakes up in media res once it gets to some sort of end point, and no one else around him remembers previous loops.
as he's trying to figure out what the goal is to end the loop, he's suddenly thrown for a loop when he's attacked and killed by someone he's never seen before. he wakes back up, shaken, but at least it was something new and out of his control.
he starts to go about as he had been but is killed again. faster and faster, sooner and sooner after he wakes up, he's killed by increasingly horrifying ways, all because of this other dude. finally, it stops when he manages to get a word in to the other guy before he's killed. turns out this guy is also in the time loop, and our guy was the first thing he saw that was different. thinking he was the test, or had something to do with it, he attacked him. his time was reset, so he knew he was onto something, hence the repeat killings. he was obviously taking this a lot harder than the first guy.
they decided to work together and figure out a way to stop the loop. they could both affect things with their lucidity and they tested what they could do. they could do a lot, though none of it seemed to matter. if one of them died, or got to some sort of "end point," they'd both reset. they slowly stopped really trying to get out and started just enjoying their time. they imagined things they'd always wanted to experience or see, and it would happen. it was fun.
eventually, they started noticing a certain girl was around more than any other person. she didn't seem to also be in a time loop, but she wouldnt completely forget who they were with each reset, either. they decided to befriend her and bring her along because it was nice to have company after all this time. she enjoyed the experiences they were conjuring but didn't find it incredibly impossible like a real life person would at seeing what was essentially magic. typical dream-based character acceptance behavior.
at one point, they're sitting on the pavement of a parking lot watching the sunset they thought up of, just talking casually. guy one notices that the sunset starts moving backward and forward in time, rhythmically, preventing the sun from setting. things would "escape" their control sometimes, but he realized the sun was going up and down at the same rhythm that the girl was rocking back and forth. she simply looked upon it in calm awe, not acknowledging that she may be influencing it. before guy one could say anything, guy two reached past him and shot her in the head.
time did not reset.
things went on, as much as it does in a dreamscape time loop, and they had settled into some kind of pattern of normalcy. most days they didn't even talk about trying to get out of there. they were able to carve some comfort out of their situation.
eventually, guy two runs up to guy one with the girl. he's excited and says he's thought of another thing to try to get them out. he says they just need to get into a truck and drive backwards really fast. confused, guy one asks why he thinks this would work at all. guy two says he has no idea. he just knows it'll work. he has a feeling.
so they go to an open nature area with a long road and conjure up a pickup truck. guy two is driving, with guy one in the passenger seat and the girl in the small backseat. guy two revs up and barrels backwards, whooping and celebrating the stunt, saying they're getting out of here.
guy one sees the trees whip by. they go over a bridge crossing a lake. the sky is bright with sun. he looks at guy two. his eyes are wild, his mouth in a gruesome open smile as he hollers. the girl in the backseat simply looked on in ignorant bliss.
guy one knew then.
he opened his door and jumped out, tucking and rolling. as he did, he thought about the truck barreling backwards off a cliff. when he stopped and got up, he saw just that. time slowed as the truck lost traction with the road and started to soar. guy two's face fell as he saw guy one standing there, looking down at them from the edge, face solemn. a look of shocked realization spread across his face as he descended towards the ground below.
then i woke up with a splitting headache. so. i guess i escaped the time loop???
#this is all 1000% true btw#all of this happened. i actually left OUT some details but these were the story beats#literally as i was waking up i thought this was a black mirror episode or something that i was remembering#i edited it out eventually but i first started this post with 'can someone tell me if this was a dream or something ive seen before'#cuz i started writing as soon as i woke up#as i became more lucid i realized it was a million percent a dream lol#but holy shit. how meta???#my dreams are often like movies like this but i haven't had one in a lonnng time#and they're never about THIS sort of thing#and it HAD AN ENDING!!! THAT ACTUALLY GOES ALONG WITH ME WAKING UP???#it's actually kinda freaking me out. a little bit#dream#dreams#dream diary#time loop#lucid dreaming#to be clear i was not lucid dreaming but the characters were lol#it was half third person half pov of guy one#mine#writing#dude this dream had acts. sorry structure. consistent plot. an ending that tracks with the beginning. hello?
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Is it true that Elizabeth of York birth celebrated like she was a son? I have seen some historians say this.
Hi! Yes, Edward IV did celebrate his daughter’s birth as though she was a male heir (“a prince”), iirc as per the Great Chronicle.
While we have no contemporary reports at the time of Elizabeth of York's birth, we know that Luchino Dallaghiexia reported that the birth of Edward and Elizabeth's third child, Cecily of York, "rejoiced the king and all the nobles exceedingly*, though they would have preferred a son'. Wanting a son (ie: an heir) was typical for their time period, likely enhanced by Edward and Elizabeth's unprecedentedly controversial marriage, her very unsuitable origins and his own status as a usurper. The fact that he was described as being "exceedingly" delighted at the birth of his third daughter in a row regardless does support the claim that he would have gone over-the-top to celebrate the birth of his first legitimate** child.
Hope this helps!
*Bizarrely, I have seen several historians and blogs using Dallaghiexia's letter to claim that he was bitterly disappointed at Cecily of York's birth. I don't understand how historical reading comprehension can be so poor that "rejoiced the king exceedingly" has somehow been rewritten as the...exact opposite of that. With no self-awareness whatsoever. **His illegitimate daughter Margaret (known as Elizabeth for some reason) was almost definitely born before his marriage. We don't know the birth dates of his other two illegitimate children: I think the likeliest conception date for Arthur was in early 1470, but it's unverified; and we know nothing about Grace (which was in fact her surname, not her name) other than the fact that Elizabeth Woodville seems to have been very attached to her.
#ask#elizabeth of york#edward iv#queue#speaking of which#did I mention how much I dislike historians who state that one of Elizabeth Woodville's 'advantages' was that 'she was fertile'#and just leave it at that?#or dumbfuck Anne Boleyn stans who argue Elizabeth was 'safe' because she had a son (she was literally deposed twice but okay)#That is simply incorrect and a complete erasure of her actual - presumably difficult - experiences#Elizabeth literally 'failed' (so to speak) to have a son throughout her first queenship#She had three daughters back-to-back#Her first son with Edward IV was in fact born seven years into her marriage after her husband had already been deposed and in exile#It does her an incredibly disservice to rewrite her very complicated situation according to your own whims and fancies#Particularly considering the very unusual nature of her marriage and rise to queen (+Edward's own status as an usurper)#which meant that Elizabeth - like H8's wives after her - was in a far more precarious position than sonless foreign royal queens before her#And while the lack of a son clearly didn't affect her personal marriage (her husband celebrated their eldest daughter's birth#as though she was a male heir and was described as exceedingly happy at the time of their third daughter's birth;#they decided to go on a pilgrimage - presumably to ask for a son - *together*; etc)#That doesn't change the fact that they were in a very very difficult situation that having a son could have resolved/legitimized#Worries that may have intensified even more after 1469 when George of Clarence (second York brother) rebelled against Edward#I also suspect their lack of a son affected the nature of Warwick's propaganda against them during his rebellions#but that's a whole other topic of discussion#Either way: What we should never do is erase and rewrite Elizabeth's (and Edward's) very complex situation in the 1460s#in favor of an inaccurate but more 'convenient' alternate history#It's a little odd tbh because I HAVE seen such discussions for Anne of Bohemia; MoA; and Henry VIII's wives#who all struggled to have male heirs#But for some reason Elizabeth's situation is not even acknowledged - let alone discussed#funny how that happens#anyway#ik I went VERY off track I'm sorry about that
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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Did I make an impulse buy at the con? Yes.
Do I regret it? Not even a little
Am I dreading the getting it back to utah process. Absolutely
#guys!!!#ive never seen one of these in person before#and i got a stupidly good deal#my lotr collection grows#lotr
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Im just rambling my heart out rn bc im like this but listen hear me out. I think Tim is aromantic. hot take I know but as an aro person maybe its just me but I see a lot of myself in his flirty chatter and playful gestures. In my head he does it as affection, as a way to stretch his wings and engage in a bit of fun banter, and of course, to get what he needs. I inherently see his tendency to draw the eye of people in order to obtain information as a gesture rather detached from the inherent concept of romanticism. it displays a nature in which one understands romance and appeal on a surface level, but does not feel it themselves. I think he likes traditionally romantic stuff. He calls himself a hopeless romantic. He kisses his friends on the cheeks and he treats Sasha as a lover would treat their spouse but they are not dating and both of them know this. He spends passionate nights with people and leaves feeling satisfied. But if you confessed romantic interest in him he would give you a horrifically awkward, apologetic look and let you down easy. I think he was devastated by the realization in his youth. I think beneath all his affection and smiles and toying remarks he knows he will never truly be able to have the romantic relationship he always dreamed of having, because what he desires simply does not exist. I think he indulges in the little things- passing glances, playful flirts, romantic comedies, nights on the town, to taste what he cannot have- and even moreso, to enjoy what he *can* have. To enjoy the fact he can do so comfortably, openly, without concern for what it may look like or if it's really romantic or not. Perhaps he has grown to be happy with the way he lives. Perhaps he is content to be in his lovely queerplatonic relationship. Perhaps he distantly wishes he could be a better partner because he knows he will never meet the standard. I think he loves so strongly, so powerfully, that it simply is not something that could fall into romance. It just isn't. But he loves all the same. He loves so passionately, like a fire, but it is not romance. it is simply love. Tl;dr personal hc is that tim is romance-positive aro (unless it comes to romance aimed at him) and is bisexual. Bc we need more alloaro rep. and more romance-positive aro rep. And i see myself in him.
#I am projecting so hard#but listen its such a comfort hc and i dont see many ppl talk about it#usually I see sasha as the aro one#and fuck yeah I love aro sasha.#but I cannot ever unsee aro tim bc thats just me bro#me too!#I love standard romantic gestures but get paranoid that peopl take my very naturally affectionate nature as romantic#and I think he does the same#bc i love him and therefore he gets the projection beam#also I adore hcing naturally flirty or 'sexually themed' characters as aspec#bc yeah sometimes they are#people have misinterpreted my friendly and affectionate gestures as romantic so many times#so i want to see a character who deals with that too#tma#headcanon#tim tma#tim stoker#timothy stoker#this is aimed at nobody at all but#part of me hopes one of my fellow aros will lay eyes on it and feel seen idk#I dont see a lot of rep for myself#timsasha QPR beinig a widely accepted hc is still so wild to me#ive never seen anything like that before in a fandom#like term and all#god its so nice. So i am sharin my thoughts on it#personally as an aro person in an qpr with an alloro person I also hc sasha as alloro but#any hc is valid as fuck i aint gonna judge#we're all just projecting here
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i cant believe im hot enough that me asking a man if he wants to go come look for wetland birds with me at the beach actually means hes coming over lmao
#the weather is GORGEOUS out and i need to practice my birding skills for phd purposes#i am not very good yet but we're getting there!#ireland has so many birds ive never seen before its so coooool#im not even rlly a bird nerd but i wanna become one#partially for work reasons but also cos i think thats a hilarious personality trait#shut up sam
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Best thing about being a Scooby Doo fan: you can meet some of the nicest people with some really cool ideas and hcs, there's such an abiding love for the franchise, which on its own is just AMAZING, such a wealth of content to dive into, and I haven't even gotten into the fan REDESIGNS and aus and-
Worst thing about being a Scooby Doo fan: people irl in public will come up to you with some of the worst Scooby takes ever (Scrappy found dead in Miami, SDMI revolutionized animation, etc.) and you have to restrain yourself from getting into a fistfight with some rando acquaintance/friend-of-a-friend in public ALL THE TIME 💀
#THERES NO WAY THIS ONLY HAPPENS TO ME RIGHT#its constanttttt ughhhh#james gunn i fucking hate you this is all your fault 🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡🗡#not the sdmi stuff but the REST#there should be a jail sentence for scooby crimes i SWEAR#also this one dude today UGHHHHHHHU#ive never even seen him before (apparently hes been in my math class this year?) but with all the seniors gone (save me bc i love a party)#there was like 5 ppl in math today (4 of them good friends of mine) and this dude would NOT let up with the scrappy sucks sdmi is awesome bs#like i was just like no i disagree with you every time he brought it up but like UGH.#i think scrappy got a bad lot and deserves a chance to be the best he can be and sdmi is personally unwatchable to me because of how mean#they are to each other/the relationship drama plots. whats not to get we dont need to keep hashing this#i didn't make it a big thing though bc i didn’t want to start stuff but ugh#the only ppl allowed to make fun of scrappy around me are my besties and even theyre on thin ice so like watch it bub#blah#scooby doo
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i wish i could articulate the experience of seeing a band you're into live like actually seeing them in person because its so strange yet fascinating
#every time i hear take me for a ride by sparks it makes me think of the nyc show - the first show of theirs i saw#bc that was their walk on music. and i was front row for that show#and like. it was so surreal. so strange. obviously in a good way but its just something id never experienced before#and i noticed this especially with russell in that i had a weird thought that went 'oh wow thats him. he realls looks like himself'#and like of course he looks like himself but what i meant by that was he looks like that guy who ive seen 5 billion images of. hes that guy#like not only does he look like the him in more recent pictures but seeing him in person like 10 feet away#its like i could recognize every era of him. i could see like 70s russell in his face. bc of course thats his face! but still#is this making any sense.#like i feel like if you met 70s russell once and never saw him again until now youd immediately recognize him#and sure thats because of two other things - one that he has distinct facial features kinda and also that hes aged so well#but it was again so surreal to be like. in the same space. right in front of. fairly close to. that guy whos been in my phone. you know?#this was true for ron and the other guys in the band too of course its that feeling of wow its them! those people ive only seen pictures of!#and again being front row for that was bonkers insane. its like what do you mean these people are real#but the thing w russell i just especially noticed almost immediately when they came out onstage like hes that guy. for real#is this making any sense . anyway i just had to finally get this one out#the only downside of this experience was that yes these people are real and yes they can see me. a little anxiety inducing#its like nooooo dont look at meeeee im such a weirdo i bought a ticket to see you like everyone else here#anyway. concert thoughts
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hmm yknow ive never had to worry about this before cause all the fandoms ive been in ive never really been in the same space as the creators so i never had to worry about the ccs/creators seeing my liveblogs even if i only rarely did it before but since the lsers are here maybe i should just stop liveblogging?? cause like in case it wasnt obvious im a massive hater first and foremost and if theres one thing you dont show the creators its hate so like. idk maybe its time to stop for good
#mine.txt#ive also never had so many ppl look at my blog before#usually ppl dont even know i exist#like yeah its my house but if theres somebody looking through my windows im gonna close the curtains yanno?#idk. i dont really proces emotion and empathy the same way most ppl do and im heavily geared towards isolation#so these kinda things are a bit tricky for me to navigate cause i gotta consider not only my own wants#but also the wants of those who can see what i do and also my own emotions as disocciated as they are#and like on one hand why would one liveblogger quitting matter#esp since for the most part most liveblogs mean nothing and the only ones that do are the negative kinds#dont deny it its true ive seen it firsthand; nobody gives that much of a shit about neutral and positive thoughts from a stranger#but negative ones can basically turn someone suicidal even if its a ratio of 1 negative to 1000 positive#but on the other hand there Are ppl who are looking for that kinda thing on my blog#yeah yeah my own house i should do what i want whatever#but the truth of the matter is if there werent some social function attached to this i wouldnt be doing this at all#i mean sure i can decide to only liveblog when im feeling positively#but if im gonna do that i may as well just not liveblog at all#like i already deal with emotional expectations irl im not gonna deal with that on my own blog as well#i am not a positive person#i get frustrated very easily#which ppl like to say is different from anger but lbr it really isnt is it?#esp when youre on the receiving end#couple that with the actual genuine anger i feel when the lsers do an ableism#which is quite often btw#well i just dont think its worth it to put my thoughts out there
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the way i had a breakdown to my friend via text abt how badly i wanted pistachio cookies on sunday and i couldn’t find anywhere i could get them like i checked online for everywhere local & no one had any & i was in whole foods today and legit just walking past the bakery section bc i forgot smth somewhere & needed to pass it to get there and they had pistachio cookies in the freshly baked section like omg 😭 the whole foods website LIED saying there was no pistachio cookies at my local whole foods it put me through distress for NOTHING anyway i bagged those cookies!!!!!!!
#michelle speaks#also can i say. there is never anyone ever getting things out of the bakery shelves#& right when i’m there taking out cookies there were multiple ppl hovering bc they i guess wanted to get in there#i’m like who tf are u ppl…….i mean there was like FIVE ppl there when i was walking away#never in my life and i have gone to this whole foods for a long time have i seen like one person let alone that many at once getting smth#from there 😭 ive never gotten cookies before but ive gotten fresh bread there i’m like 😭 were u all scared or smth until u saw me do it…..#bc legit i opened it and all of a sudden there’s a ton of ppl ok……anyway. got my cookies 😌💞
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#just finished packing my suitcase for my flight tomorrow :(((#i dont :((( wanna go :((((((((((#idk its very mixed emotions bc on one hand i do miss my mom and my bed and my stuff#but i also have had the absolute time of my life this past month in london and im going to miss it so much#but i also know im going to enjoy myself in brazil too and im excited to spend time there and meet family ive never actually seen before#but that doesnt negate how much ill miss london and how incredible this city it. bc like it really is incredible. and i got to do SO much#while ive been here. even those smaller minitrips to dublin and edinburgh and staying in hostels for the first time#like that was so much fucking fun and i know i wont be able to do things like that in brazil#idk im exhausted and sad but also really happy and i am very much aware how lucky i am to be able to do this#and how special it is that i have family willing to help me and friends who were willing to host me and show me around#im just!!!! in my feelings!!!! and im having many feelings!!!!!!#but by this time tomorrow i should be on my plane heading home. then 2 days of rest before im back on another flight. i need. to SLEEP.#i hope you all are well!!!! kisses to all of you!!!!!!!!! please keep your fingers crossed that i dont miss my layover!!!!!!!!!#personal
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ik bpd akechi is popular but honestly I'm dying on my bipolar + c-ptsd + npd/narcissistic and ocd features for c-ptsd hill
#💖.txt#tbh i am one of those who thinks bpd isnt a useful category and its just ptsd mixed with other stuff#im also very attatched to him being low empathy#the ocd is smth i flip-flop between. i think its more that after shido's palace if he survives#he's going to have MASSIVE issues with holding himself to impossible standards#spends the first month at the shelter panicking that he's an awful person for choosing to stablize himself before going to the police#(i do personally think he turned himself in. the dialogue from the scene at the shelter heavily implies that's his intention)#maruki's ideal reality is that 1. akechi would find joker on xmas eve and 2. he'd get let out early#or yknow. he never killed anyone so it doesnt matter anymore#the npd is just yknow. oh no! by marina intensifies#bipolar is bc call of chaos REALLY reminds me of manic episodes#and inflicting that on people? wanting to make other people experience how everything in your head is suddenly different and it feels like#this is Right and How It Should Be while your destroying your life??? yeah ive wanted to do that#ive always seen call of chaos as a representation of lashing out/acting out in an attempt to make it clear to people#just how *bad* your mental state is. how poorly tethered you are and how desperate you are for help#wanting to hurt others because no one is seeing how hurt you are and it feels like the last option#(i also see him using it in sem 3 as him finally being around people who are okay with seeing that level of pain)#(the thieves dont forgive him ofc but they see how much pain he's in and said thats fucked up. what they did to you is fucked up)#(you have every right to be mad about it. be mad about it with support.)
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