#ITS MY TRAUMAS AND I CHOOSE HOW TO COPE

[ace-dodo]

Amerie and me are literally the same person, look

She got suddenly dumped by her friends? I got suddenly dumped by my friends!!

Almost no one by her side? Same here!

She ended up hanging with ppl she never thought would hang out with her?? Omgs samesies!!!!!

At the end the reason why she got dumped didn't really justify it???? Omgs. Same!!!!

Now that she's back with the friend that dumped her she's anxious af and feels like it will suddenly happen again??? Dude. Same.

[sundial-bee-scribbles]

save them tbh

[finnbbl]

Hey, I saw your requests are open. Would you write something for 3Racha where something sad happens and the reader turns non-verbal to try and cope with it?

It's just a problem that I always have and I would like to know how you think the boys would react :)

3Racha when you’re nonverbal

3Racha Written

Prompt: Being friends with the main producers of a music group had its perks. But when you’re asked to accompany them a certain gathering, you hesitate when you figure out who will be there.

Genre: Angst/Comfort

Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: Implications of trauma, alcohol and dr*g mention, I don’t think there’s any swearing, reader goes nonverbal.

A/N: I wanted to first start off by saying I apologize it took me a bit to get out. I’ve been in my own slump and I’ve found it super hard to find motivation for anything, especially writing and posting.

I wasn’t sure if you wanted a specific incident to happen where the reader goes non verbal, so I hope this is okay. I also wasn’t sure if you wanted it romantic or not, so I just kind of wrote what felt right in the moment. I tried to leave the situation vague so it could match with anyone’s experiences. I personally don’t like it too much (I honestly hate my writing so it could just be that LOL) so I can make a separate post with a text version, of course it would be a little bit different than this. Please let me know your thoughts 🙏

Requests - OPEN

Masterlist

Please read disclaimer in masterlist

Parties were the absolute worst. If you were forced to choose a least favorite thing on the planet, parties would be it. They’re loud and crowded; Worst of all, he’s always there.

3Racha had been nominated for an award. They had been invited to a big award show, a one where afterparties usually follow. You were incredibly proud of them, knowing just how hard they worked. They meant the absolute world to you, and to see them put their best foot forward and exceed tipped you over the moon. Previously, you’d turn them down when they’d ask you to attend with them, and you had a very good reason. Firstly, parties just weren’t your thing. You never fit in with everyone else growing up. Secondly, you knew that he was going to be there. You didn’t know what to call him. Putting a label on things had never felt right to you before. If someone were to ask him, he’d tell them you were together. But if someone were to ask you, you’d say it was complicated and you were content with how things were. You did that with everyone that seemed to be more than friends with you, commitment was a scary thing. But you did know that he was someone you never wanted to be around ever again.

You remember the way he’d always ask you to accompany him to one. He was the partier in the “relationship.” However, you’d always preferred to stay in. Nice and cozy in your blankets. One night, you decided to try and get out of your comfort zone. You wore something different, and put effort into your appearance. The moment he let his hand “accidentally” linger over your ass was the first sign of a mistake. The night only went downhill from there. Next thing you knew you were drugged and taken advantage of. It took you months to recover, months to find the will to get out of bed. Only Chan out of the three knew of this incident, but only very very vaguely. He only found out because he was the one nursing you back to your normal self again. You avoided giving him details, he doesn’t know the person, time, nor the place. You wanted to stick to using being tired as an excuse to politely turn them down. There was no way you could let them find out that you were just too weak to attend said gathering, especially because they don’t know what happened.

You listened to the boys explain how excited they were for this one. How this was such a big award, and how it was going to be so much different. The excitement that laced their voices made it hard for you to deny the question you knew was coming. “Do you think you could go with us this time?” They knew the answer every time they asked this question. A hesitant no, almost as if you were thinking about it. In reality, your mind was fighting off bad memories. It was hard not to think of it when even the topic was brought up, there’s no way you could bring yourself to revisit the place it happened. He was always going to be there, just like he was at every one while you knew him. Again, parties were his thing. So you were confident no matter which one you attended, he would be there. You were scared, to say the least. Scared of seeing him, scared of being pushed back into that dark room, scared of reliving what had made you feel so lifeless.

However, Han’s unintentional puppy eyes drew you closer and closer to the edge. How you wanted to see them happy. You weren’t sure if it was only platonic or if there was some hint of romantic feelings for them there, but you knew you loved them so much. Although the three knew the usual answer, they still proceeded to ask. They felt as they should always invite you, even if they know what your answer would be. However, this time you surprised them. With a quick purse of your lips, the words fell from your mouth. “Fine, but only this once.” The way their faces lit up when you agreed to go to with them brought a smile to your face. Though it quickly dissipated as your brain grabbed back at those awful memories. The guys were too lost in excitement to notice, but you’d prefer it that way. Everyone else had their own problems, so you hated adding your own on top of them.

The last few nights leading up to the award ceremony were filled with anxiety. Sleepovers with Chan were a mutually agreed way to get both of your minds off of stress. However your anxiety still managed to claw its way through what was supposed to be a comforting barrier with him. Chan was next to you, fast asleep which was something that was rare for him. Meanwhile, you silently cried next to him. Hours passed and you were still unable to fall asleep, too busy fighting off the horrible memories. Horrible memories of a time in your life that left you numb. You couldn’t shake it, knowing that he was going to be there. He was a popular artist, and you’d already checked the lineup for the event. His name was there, and now you were petrified. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell them you changed your mind. They were so excited, so you dealt with it.

The night of the party arrived. You’d isolated yourself for the day, hoping to prepare yourself enough for what was about to come. Hours passed and next thing you knew you were sat between Chan and Changbin on a fancy couch. Despite it being a fancy event, Han sat on the back of the couch with his feet on either side of you, his hands slowly running through your hair. It was a common thing for you to do with the three, often being very touchy with each other. It was to the point where you questioned if you were more than friends. While you didn’t kiss, or do anything beyond that, you were very hands on. Cuddling, hugging, playing with each others hair or outfits, you name it. However, you couldn’t decipher whether it was platonic or if there was a hint of romance in there.

Suddenly, an all too familiar voice snapped you out of the peaceful thoughts that managed to distract you for.. at least a little while. Soon enough, your worst fear of the night happened. He placed himself on the couch right across from you guys. The first 20 minutes or so, he had the subtlety evil smirk on his face.

However, you knew it would dissipate sooner or later. Based on your experience with him, he was an extremely jealous person. And given, how important skin-ship was to you and the three boys, it was only a matter of time. It happened when Han noticed you were quieter all of the sudden. His fingers came to a slow stop in your hair to travel down to your shoulder. His head leaning down to your ear to whisper something.

“Are you alright, jagiya?”

It was quiet, quiet enough where only those within a 3 inch radius could hear. So you wonder why you saw that man who you feared, drop his smirk to a frown. Maybe he read Han’s lips and noticed the word ‘jagiya’ ? Either way, you ignored it, and with a nod and a small smile which was noticeably forced, you brushed off Han’s worries insisting you were just tired. Changbin took notice of his member’s concern, and leaned in close to reassure you that the event would be over soon. You gave him the same smile and quietly thanked him.

Thats when he suddenly started staring daggers at you from across the room, his hand clenching onto the almost empty soju bottle. He was drunk, for sure. That had to have been the scariest part. It only added more fuel to the fire, you were silenced. Except nothing was physically stopping you from speaking. Your head dropped down, staring at your nails that now started to dig into the palms of your and in an attempt to quiet the voices in your mind. It was a bad habit you picked up when you got anxious. Recently, it’d been worse so you currently had crescent shaped markings left behind on the center of your hand. Han noticed the tension in your body, and leaned down to express his concern once again.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’re very tense.”

No response. As much as you wanted to reassure him that everything was okay, you couldn’t. It felt as if your throat was closing up, you couldn’t speak or move. You were anxious, overstimulated and all you wanted to do was jump out of the window. Anything to escape.

Your eyes were now staring daggers into the floor, and your body was completely still. Did you even hear him? He wondered at your lack of response, however it didn’t take long for him to pick up on it. But before he could say anything else, Chan’s hand gently but swiftly grabbed yours. Holding your hands in such a way that your nails couldn’t fight their way through your skin again. Chan was a very observant person, so it didn’t take him very long to notice the marks on your hands. That’s when Han recognized what was going on, Changbin following in their suit not but a few moments later. Once again, Han leaned down to say something. He was well aware that you were nonverbal right now, but he said it anyways hoping you could at least muster the energy to tell him you wanted to leave. You suddenly felt a hand on either shoulder, which were now rubbing soothingly into your tense muscles. “Do you want to leave? Chan still has to say his goodbyes to everyone, but I can take you outside.” This sentence was whispered into your ear, and the word ‘leave’ sparked your attention. You nodded almost too eagerly.

With that, Han motioned for you to stand up, saying something to you excuse yourselves. Chan let your hands slip out of his, looking over at his band mate and Changbin to silently communicate everyone would be leaving soon. You were unsure of what he said, now focused on not making eye contact with a certain someone right across from you. The closer to you that Han got, the more anger you could feel emitting off of the man in front. That only left you more anxious. Suddenly, Han put his arm around your waist gently to guide you out. The anxiety started to die down as you stepped out of the building, but the tears you were fighting didn’t. “You okay?” Han softly questioned as your eyes looked up to meet his. It took him not but a brief moment to notice your glossy eyes. He immediately pulled you in for a hug, which caused you to break down. Still unable to speak, you only mumbled out incoherent words that the male tried so hard to pick up on. Fortunately for him, he was able to make out a few words which told him everything he needed to know.

You felt unsafe is what it was. Although he wasn’t sure why, it was a step. Han would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t sense anger and tension in the room. The reason was what he couldn’t figure out. His head rested on yours, gently rocking you back and forth hoping to calm you down. Suddenly the door opened, but you remained still. As Chan and Changbin walked over, your breathing began to slow down. “Sorry n/n, I did my best to get us out as soon as possible. They don’t know when to shut up.” Chan apologized and rubbed his hand up and down your back. “Come on, we’ll talk later. Let’s get her out of here.”

Once you all arrived home, everyone went to their dorms. Except you stayed back at Chan and Jeongin’s. Although the younger was in the middle of a brand deal, which left you and the latter alone in the dorm. The trio agreed it would be better if you stayed with one of them for the night, so they decided on the leader’s as it would be the calmest. Your body lay next to him on his comfortable mattress, the lights set to a soft and comforting purple color with the tv playing a movie on the lowest volume. The male laying next to you, with his hand running up and down your back. Your eyes followed the movements of the character on the screen, but your brain wasn’t absorbing any of the plot. It was obvious this was a difficult night for you, but Chan just had to know.

“Feel free to not answer, I know you’re still not in a talking mood..” He led on, and your head raised to make eye contact with him. “Was that the guy… from you know.”

You did know, you knew exactly what he was talking about. Your facial features remained still, looking back and forth between both of his eyes as you mustered up the energy to get some form of response out. With that, you only nodded before turning back to the movie. Chan could swear he felt his heart break and everything suddenly clicked in his mind. If he had known it would only cause you anxiety, then he wouldn’t have pestered you to go for so long. “I am sooo sorry y/n.” His other arm found its way around you as he rested his head on yours. “We wouldn’t have pressed so hard if we knew what was going on.”

Although you didn’t respond, your hand found its way to his and gave him a light squeeze to reassure him that it was okay. “I know I don’t know the whole story but you can always talk to me about how you’re feeling, alright?” A small smile formed on your lips and your head nodded against his, nuzzling further. He let out a light and squeaky giggle as he ran his fingers over your knuckle gently. It was in this moment that you realized it was all going to be okay.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

THANK YOU for pointing out that killer probably wouldn't be diagnosed with DID bc he was an adult when all the bullshit happened

As a system I am honestly kinda tired of people saying he has DID especially since alot of them can't even tell you what it means

Of course. I’ve heard from both singlets (people who aren’t systems) and systems both for and against the idea of Killer having DID/OSDD1/being a system/being plural, and as im not a system, im not gonna comment on or control how systems choose to interpret or headcanon Killer.

But I am of the belief that misinformation should avoid being spread—both of Killer’s canon (not only purely on the basis of not being true, but because if people start believing Killer is canonically a system/has DID/OSDD1 and also is a literal serial killer, that has an understandably bad rep but it may cause people to harass or spread rumors about rahafwabas that aren’t true), and of already misunderstood stigmatized disorders. It also has fantasy themes such as magic, souls, monsters, time travel, Resetting, coming back from the dead multiple times, etc.

Killer is a character involved in themes of heavy abuse (captivity, high control groups, kidnapping, labor trafficking, cult elements, organized crime, etc) and these are all elements that require nuance and care in depicting seriously and respectively—which can be hard to do while also having to keep in mind stigma surrounding the idea of “murderous” or “evil” alter(s)—because these types of abusive controlling environments very often require victims to partake in illegal or harmful acts and behaviors to survive. And this can also very easily to maladaptive coping mechanisms that aren’t easily understood or pretty.

So im of the opinion that if people want to write killer as if he is plural/system and aren’t one themselves, they should both do research and speak to any plurals/systems willing to help them out—and in the actual writing, avoid using terms associated with the actual disorders such as DID, OSDD1, alter, host, persecutor, etc.

Not only because 1. killer was an adult when the trauma and abuse happened, so therefore he’s unlikely to be professionally diagnosed with those disorders even if he shows symptoms and presentations similar to them, and 2. killer himself wouldn’t know what he has and wouldn’t use those terms in relation to himself and his experiences.

He is not in any position to seek diagnosis or treatment or support —under Nightmare and with Chara, he is surviving. He may have a chance of that with Color and the Chromatic Crew in the Omega Timeline, but again—unless this is deliberately an AU where all this trauma happened and stuff when he was an actual child—he likely wouldn’t be diagnosed with it.

So instead it’d be best to focus on his lived experiences regardless of what dissociative disorder one decides to write him with—and use the terms he applies to himself or ones he may apply to himself, such as his numbered hierarchical understanding of his SOUL and its Stages (either something he came up with to make sense of his own experiences, or something that was decided for him by external forces such as Chara or Nightmare.) and perhaps use words like “my stage(s),” “my other,” “my other half,” “when I’m like that,” etc.

And if the topic of Killer having DID ever comes up in the story, such as another character asking him or another Stage if he has it, dont feel the need to confirm it. Not only because Killer himself likely wouldn’t know, but also because he likely doesn’t exactly fit the full criteria for a diagnosis in a canon adjacent story where he was an adult when it all happened.

Of course that’s my opinion, not really important in the grand scheme of things—im not a system—but there it is. Systems, as always, can add and chime in as they wish—and correct any misinformation or misunderstanding if they want.

[yoroshiu]

Sora: Self-Esteem, Or Lack Thereof

I legit got struck with many thoughts when I woke up and decided to write an essay instead of going back to sleep. As in, this one's another long one ToT

Making Kingdom Hearts Stuff Until KH4 Comes Out (Day 13)

This is a topic that has been brought up a lot as of late but I found myself wanting to talk about it after reading some comments from some KH videos I was watching.

Specifically in Sora’s sacrifice scene in KH1 and his breakdown scene in KH3, it was interesting to see people say that they had just realized how low his self-esteem actually is, and I thought to myself, it must be interesting for them to look back and see how far back this feeling goes for him. I had my own thoughts as a result.

Sora grew up in Riku’s shadow. In the words of both of them, they agreed on the belief that Riku was the better one between them. It makes sense that Sora from the get-go had already taken blows to his self-confidence.

This is only added onto when it’s revealed that Sora was “just the delivery boy” for Riku, leading to the loss of the keyblade (which, for one, alongside the title of “Hero of the Keyblade” gave him a lot of confidence/assurance) and Donald and Goofy. This is a moment that stuck with him as shown in 358/2 Days is a memory that makes Roxas cry (in the same way seeing the Twilight Town trio made Sora cry). And while this is mostly supplemented by the manga/light novel adaptations mostly, Xion’s frustration in her encounter with Riku is reflective of that moment for Sora (especially in the manga).

In the perspective of the audience, Sora getting the keyblade back is a show of his own will and strength of heart. But in his eyes, since Donald and Goofy came back just a bit before, this is probably where the idea that his strength coming from his friends gets cemented. For him, the keyblade chooses him because he chooses to support others, which we will see rear its head in 3D.

One of the things that kept grabbing my attention when watching people play through 3D is when they get to the part where Sora says “I know the keyblade didn’t choose me, and I don’t care” because that ends up warranting confusion, and they usually say “but he was chosen though?” This is where that perspective thing shows up.

3D spent a notable amount of times mentioning how Sora isn’t the first choice. How the keyblade moved down the list (Riku to Sora), how the Organization moved down the list (Riku to Roxas to Sora). Xigbar even makes an attempt of mentioning such before Sora says the Thing. In Sora’s view, he wasn’t chosen for being special or having some kind of power but he was chosen because, in his eyes, his purpose is to help “those it [the keyblade] did choose.”

Even at his most confident (as he was on that KH2 victory high), he never viewed himself as “chosen” due to being worthy from his own merit.

And it doesn’t help that after 3D strips him of his power, he gets poked and prodded at for losing it. And that constant loss of power is something he’s aware of (“It’s always like this” line in Japanese). Others have mentioned it in other posts before, but Sora’s mistakes and failures weigh more heavily on his mind than the others who see his strength and victories over all else. Sora knows that he doesn’t understand everything and only does what he feels he can do in the situation for others. It’s kinda like everyone else sees him through these rose-tinted glasses (he gets through everything with a smile, he follows his heart /pos) but for him, he’s clawing through and following his heart /neg.

"It's okay, it's always like this."

This is all the buildup leading to his breakdown. It’s very in line with him, and it’s so fascinating seeing people realize that. Sora’s relationship with his self-esteem, alongside his trauma, are much more subtle arcs compared to other characters. It’s very much due to his style of coping being repression and smiling through everything until he can’t take it anymore.

This isn’t even taking into account other moments of his perspective like how he kinda blames himself for Donald and Goofy leaving him in KH1 (he puts it as “they had to leave” or that “they were separated” (in Japanese), never that they left or abandoned him. He usually doesn’t blame his friends if they’ve hurt him before. There’s even the tangentially connected topic of him being dehumanized.

Sora is both very straightforward and complex in his presentation and writing, just as his series is. His relationships with others are actually pretty complicated and are both the reasons for his strengths and his weaknesses (he and Riku alone are a whole doozy, being each others reasons for improvement but also their downfalls). Sora’s mental health is and will continue to be a topic of interest for me as we go into the next saga.

Someone please get him a nice hot cocoa and proper therapy…

[wander-wren]

here’s my thing about proshipping, particularly in regards to the “well you can write that stuff to process trauma, but don’t fucking post it” argument. and i’m really just repeating what many, many others have said, but bear with me.

i don’t have sexual trauma (which is, 99% of the time, what this argument is about), so i can’t speak to that directly, but i do have traumas and coping mechanisms that some people think weird or off-putting or gross. i’m also someone who needs to talk about things with some kind of audience in order to process, whether that’s my therapist or my friends or—get this—fanfic readers. often, all three! max processing, baby!

but i’ve had people avoid responding when i bring certain things up, or outright say they can talk to me about some of my ~problems~, but not Those Ones. which is fine on its face, everyone is entitled to boundaries and in many cases they may simply not know what to say.

but it is deeply isolating to feel like there is a part of you unfit for public view. especially a part of you that you still want (need) to talk about in order to come to terms with it. so i can only imagine how it feels for some of the people arguments like these are attacking.

as long as there are warnings (and YES, “choose not to warn” is, in itself, adequate warning), there is no reason why any aspect of the human experience should have to be permanently hidden and undiscussed, no matter how uncomfortable its existence might make some random on the internet.

[thewistlingbadger]

To me there is an element of something akin to tragedy when it comes to the relationship between Jayce and his mother. Calling it tragedy is perhaps a bit too dramatic but I don't know how else to convey the level of emotional potential these two had off camera.

Because even though we know Jayce had a father figure once the show paints it only ever being Ximena and Jayce. It was only them two caught out in the snow. When Jayce gets in trouble with the council she's the one pleading his case. When he finally makes it big she's the one sitting in the front row, eyes filled with love and pride. The tightness of their relationship is something that is very lovely and also very sad to me. Because even though they're always together in a sense, they always feel so isolated and alone. Alone in their experiences and histories. There isn't really anyone else in the story or perhaps throughout the entirety of Piltover and Zaun that can understand what they've gone through and how they feel.

Jayce and Ximena traveled alone through miles of snow, trying to go somewhere or trying to escape the place that was once their home. It was only a son crying for help in a frozen desert after his mother collapsed due to the cold. It was a mother and son that were saved from the jaws of death by a mysterious being. It was a mother and a son that arrived to Piltover, with no knowledge of the place and with nothing more than the clothes on their back. It was Jayce and Ximena, a son and his mother, who had to deal with the trauma of that event. Who had to cope with the knowledge that they would have died had it not been for a wizard, according to Jayce. Ximena had to go through losing two fingers with her only comfort being that her son lived. Her son survived unharmed. And she survived too. They both were complete outsiders in Piltover. They knew nothing of the city, its culture, its society, etc and they only had each other to navigate it through. Jayce and Ximena are the only latinos in the whole show. They are the only people in all of Piltover who sound like them, who look like them, who share their same culture. That is an incredibly isolating experience, especially for a child. Particularly for a child who already feels and is isolated from the rest of the world and their peers. Jayce was a bit of a nerd or rather an odd child growing up. He insisted that magic was real and good from ages 8 to 28. It's a belief that has cost him several potential relationships and the respect of others and yet he refuses to be disloyal to his principle.

Jayce by the start of season one already IS an isolated man. The only people he truly seems to interact meaningfully with are his mother and Caitlyn, a child. He is choosing to keep his studies a secret as to avoid further rejection from others. But ultimately his efforts are unsuccessful and he's discovered. Imagine how Ximena must have felt, to stand in a room of rich, self centered councilors rip into her son over his foolish idealism as a working class woman. An idealism that can be dangerous however it is an idealism that makes her son her son. She is the ONLY person who tries to defend him once he mentioned magic. It should have felt like she was coming to his rescue, but instead it felt like the ultimate betrayal. She essentially called him crazy in front of everyone and claimed his dream was only that- a dream. How heartbreaking that must have been for Jayce. To have the woman who has told him for years that she'd always be on his side, to have the only person he's ALWAYS had, turn on him, to hear her deny a magic that he swears by AND- by extension, deny a trauma that only they two share. Their little moment after the trial is so bittersweet. They clearly love each other but it's also clear that Jayce is hurt. "If my own family won't support me, then I'll find someone who will." OUCH. BIG OUCH. Jayce is coming from an understandable place but there's no missing how hurtful that comment was to Ximena.

So yeah. Ximena and Jayce have such a close bond and it's really sweet to see their deep love but there's also an element of sadness to their relationship because both characters are very isolated in their society. The notion that they are the only ones that fully understand each other is equal parts nice and tragic. Especially when we take into consideration their shared trauma and their shared origin. They are immigrants from a far off land who never get to go back home. Who never get to meet anyone from a similar background. Who are quite literally the only latinos in the whole show.

[schmoop-din]

its the year 2024 and people still have impossible standards for got women. Was Sansa nasty to Arya? yes but she doesn't deserve to suffer or die for it. They are both children being abused and victimized by the people and circumstances around them and instead of vilifying the people who put them in those situations we blame the girls for their situations. great. A part of both their arcs in my opinion are about how Westeros standards for ladies are absolute bs, there is no respect for women no matter what you choose so what does it matter if one dreams of love and peace and the other of being a warrior. In the end, they are the future and I can't wait to see how they build their futures. Then we have Catelyn hate and for what the books and the show specify why she let jaime go if she doesn't the Karstarks would kill him and shed never get her girls back so she took a chance and paid for it and there's no empathy for that. She doesn't like Jon for understandable reasons and was cruel to him in a moment of grief there is no grace given to her for that. They expect her to show her anger to Ned instead of Jon forgetting that she lives in a time where divorce does not exist and there's bloody succession battles (ex: nine penny kings). My girl Daenerys probably never got an education in ruling and she was essentially sold off by her own brother but people expect her to be the perfect politician but she's just a teenager trying her utter best to protect her people and herself all while trying to get over the death of her child and cope with the trauma of her rape. meanwhile we got Tyrion and jaime and a bunch of male characters talking about killing or abusing women and children and they become pathetic meow meows (no hate to Tyrion or jaime but just something I've observed).

[glagger-true]

Not really an analysis post like I promised yet, but I really just wanna ramble about how much I like that Dave both shares a struggle with and integrates an aspect of whichever love interest he chooses.

Both Dave and Sal deal with the survivor's guilt of losing a loved one and its effects. So Dave becomes introspective and patient like Sal as they grow close to both support Sal and cope with it himself.

Both Dave and Orlando have parents who failed them. In opposite ways. And Dave becomes stubborn and attentive about protecting the feelings of who he loves like Orlando does to understand that he can move past that shadow and help Orlando do the same.

Both Dave and Dean have a trauma that makes them feel like they need to overcompensate all the time. And act in harmful ways a result. Dave gets confident and mature like Dean as they grow closer and more honest with the other to tackle that issue together better.

Both Dave and Hoss struggle with being open about their feelings and trusting people with their struggles. So Dave is taught better self-care and how to be more perceptive about himself and others through Hoss to learn how care for himself better and deal with his feelings. As well as inspire Hoss to open himself up more.

Both Dave and Tyson deal with self-loathing and emotional disconnection. Which makes their usually positive bond toxic for both oftenly. Dave becomes more assertive and direct like Tyson as their relationship gets more intimate and that helps both him and Tyson acknowledge and accept their feelings. Helping them become healthier partners.

Both Dave and Roswell deal terribly with the idea of losing their loved ones. Feeling responsible for any harm that befalls them. It's by learning from Roswell's perspective about life and death, as well as accepting to love him knowing his death is unavoidable, that Dave learns how to cope with loss better. Giving himself and Roswell the opportunity to focus on and value themselves and their feelings first for once rather than thinking just about everyone else's.

Funnily enough, most of these are likely all unintentional. But I still think it's cool that they're there anyways because it shows one my favorites traits about Dave. Which is how full of potential for learning and growth he is.

He might be the same person in all routes, but the paths he can take as he develops and grows with his loved ones are limitless and unique.

I just think he's neat.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Kinda sick of the racism from nonblacks (i say nonblacks because it ain't just the whites tho it's mainly them!) in the spiderverse fandom because why does black ppl centering themselves in fiction (you know cuz we never can have ANYTHING) bother them so much??

"Hobie would choose a white girl over you" "why does miles have to be with someone black" "why does he always have to have a black reader" like Ummmm DO Y'ALL NOT HEAR HOW DUMB AND IGNORANT YOU SOUND?

We gotta gatekeep the black characters in this fandom until ppl know how to act right and stop getting besides themselves

PREACH!!!!!! CAUSE LIKE -- People out here are really disturbed that they *checks notes* were reminded black people exist? black people being found specifically attractive in a way whiteness is CONSTANTLY.

Anti-Blackness, Hobie, & The Black!Reader -

[A SHORT rant about people who have an issue with Black!Readers]

I ALWAYS find it where when people beef with Black people who want to date other Black people.

Because it's 100% racism.

If you think that a Black person dating only Black people is wrong - Anti-blackness is probably the root.

Just kidding it is the root its literally the only solution and explanation hehehe

Because as a trans person - when someone says they're T4T, everyone is fine with that.

Cis people can understand that they will never understand the trans experience, and that trans people may be attracted and want relationships with people who can understand on a personal level.

But when a Black Person say they're 'Black4Black' suddenly that's wrong?? We can't do that??

It's like non-whites cannot grasp that anti-black racism is a very VERY specific experience that we deal with all our lives and we may want partners that can not only support us but relate too. Partners we don't have to explain race shit too.

No- blackness is an experience that HAS to be available to them. Black people's experiences, minds and bodies HAVE to be available for there consumption or we're in the wrong.

We are either there to be consumed (like Hobie is) or ignored (like the Black!Reader is).

All my life I've seen the default OC and default reader be a white person. Readers that don't speak AAVE, that show no attempt at culture outside the 'normal' heteronormative American family.

And suddenly we try to change that for ourselves and that's not cool.

Also - people who say that about Hobie are just outright uneducated.

Hobie is from 1978.

Racial Discrimination in the UK was outlawed in 1965. Regardless of whether you think he's 16 or 19 - Hobie Brown grew up under racial segregation from ages 3-6.

He grew up seeing it - experiencing racism. Living with and being raised by and surrounded by a community of older black people who lived under segregation.

And even after the bill - Racist attitudes would still be surrounding him realistically speaking.

HE'S NOT FROM NOW.

Acting like Hobie has no opinions on that, or experiences, or coping mechanisms or TRAUMA from that - is fucked up.

That's black trauma LOOK AT IT.

So YEAH, A guy who grew up under segregation and a police state would have trauma from it.

But they (racists) wanna sidestep that.

They'll talk all day about Hobie's police related trauma - but not the race thing......okay. Okay, no it's fine. I'm fine.

The idea that Hobie might have unsavory experiences with race makes them uncomfortable. The idea that Hobie would seek out Black Spaces to GET AWAY from white people - makes them foam at the mouth.

Not all white people are racist - but a white person can never understand anti-black racism from a personal view the way Hobie or I or you do.

That's just a fact.

But the idea that there's a special outlet we alone understand about Hobie, and connect with him through, they dislike that.

Anti-Blackness. It's everywhere.

YOINK!! I'M TAKING HOBIE BACK TO THE ANCESTORS. LETS GO.

[darcytaylor]

It is tiring, is it not, trying to be a voice of reason in a fandom hell-bent on indulging in anything but? I admire your conviction and constancy, you're a stronger soldier than I.

Day after day I log in, finding very little in the fandom that interests me. I deleted my original blog because I was getting hate in my inbox on one hand and getting blocked by certain accounts then getting shit-talked by them on the other and people telling me about it. I don't need something like that in my life, especially not about something as inconsequential as a bloody TV show. Now I just mostly observe and occasionally slide into the ask box of people like you.

I think it's important to realize that at its core, this isn't about the show or Nic or Luke at all, it's about people meeting emotional needs by latching onto a piece of comfort media. A lot of the more extreme accounts in the fandom seem to be run by people with substantial trauma who are just trying to cope with the realities of life by rejecting them. It's unfortunate that they're taking it out on real people who just happen to be actors, but my hope is that the outlandishness of the claims makes it very easy for Nic and Luke to dismiss them outright and protect their peace.

I've been protecting my peace as well by not engaging. It just... It doesn't matter that much, none of this does. It's just entertainment. One day, people will delete their blogs, Tumblr will cease to exist, and so will the Universe, eventually. Not to get all existential on you lol, but everything that's ever been created and will ever be created will fade into irreversible nothingness. Do we really want to spend the limited time we have on Earth having bad experiences, especially unnecessary ones? The answer for me is no. But if other people are choosing this distress, it's not for me to tell them not to. It is their job to protect their own peace, if they so wish. And if they don't - well, it's their life to waste.

Appreciate you and hope we get more good career news from Nic and Luke soon! Have a good one.

Well, this is a thoughtful and introspective ask. Thank you for taking the time to share this, and for your kind words. It can definitely feel exhausting sometimes, trying to keep a level head in a space that can be so volatile and toxic. (I wouldn’t call myself the voice of reason - I’m just a human trying to be a positive presence online). But messages like yours remind me why I try - because there are people out there quietly observing, navigating the chaos in their own way, and some who may find some value in what I share.

I completely understand your decision to step back and protect your peace. That’s a smart move, and honestly, a much healthier one in a lot of ways. I’m sorry you had to deal with hate and gossip - it’s so disheartening how a space meant to bring joy can spiral into something so toxic. Like I’ve said before, if you don’t like a take you come across that isn't hurting anybody, there’s no need to respond in a hateful way (I do it all of the time!). People don’t need to belittle others for thinking differently. That doesn’t create an environment where everyone can actually enjoy themselves, learn, or connect. Instead, it just breeds hostility and defensiveness. And when people feel attacked, they’re less likely to engage in meaningful ways and more likely to retaliate. It’s just a vicious cycle of negativity, and no one wins in the end.

You bring up a good point about fandoms being a way for people to meet emotional needs (I mean I guess that's one of the reasons why I'm here). It’s such a bittersweet thing. On one hand, fandoms can be this amazing space for creativity and connection, but it can also turn into an unhealthy escape for some. Like you said, when this need for comfort becomes fixated on, it can lead to harmful projections - where the lines between fantasy and reality blur, and the people involved, like Nicola and Luke, are treated as though they’re part of that escape, instead of being real individuals.

I'm sure that Nicola and Luke are able to dismiss the more extreme stuff. I imagine that as public figures, they’ve probably had the opportunity to get some training or support to help them deal with everything that comes with fame - whether it’s media training, social media strategies, or just leaning on the people around them. They should hopefully have the tools they need to manage.

It’s a bit of a comfort to think that the more outlandish claims might be easier for them to brush off though, but it’s still a shame that they even have to deal with it in the first place. It’s a good reminder for all of us to try to approach spaces like this with more care and awareness.

Your existential perspective makes sense, none of this will matter in the grand scheme of things. What does matter is how we spend our time and the experiences we choose to let into our lives.

Thank you for your kind words and for this reminder about the bigger picture. Take care of yourself, and know that your choice to protect your peace is something to be admired.

Bring on more good news from Nicola, Luke and the rest of the Bridgerton cast! ❤️

[ghostymarni]

can we consider that during intense life events, the effect it has on shifting life choices + reasons behind it? character trauma is WILD

just some personal rambling below the cut; venting somewhere for my peace of mind.

[warning heavy life shit]

After my husband passed, I’ve basically been coping sober the last 5 months. It’s to the day today.

From enjoying life on a high, to drop kicking my survival into sobriety. Not that it was bad, it was controlled enjoyment. Knowing that since I’ve dropped weight from grief, alcohol is neither a smart choice nor does it help with digestion which back tracks fitness progress; I also choose to never relapse my 20’s drinking habits.

I’ve almost become extremely wary of doing anything because I refuse to give chance to any potential to lose my career, kid, home, or peace of mind. I’ve shifted back into high caffeine intake but since getting sick I’ve had to go from 3-6 cups of caf to no more than 3 a day. Fitness is on hold until my cough goes away. But with end of the year work overtime, no help, and survival single parent widow perseverance, it is taking its toll on me. I can’t stop, I have no one to fall back on. My eyes now have undertones of bruise discoloration from it all.

I’m taking a break from other social to be more on tumblr again because here brings me more peace of mind. Ya’ll being yourselves have been a beacon of light in all of this. So if you’re reading this, thank you. I push and look forward to the friends I’ve made on here and the chaos and laughs that bring extra serotonin to my world.

I don’t share for sympathy not one bit. Just pure venting to share what’s actually going on with me. Sharing somewhere I know has actual people wanting to interact and care. Even if it’s just a virtual hug, it’s more than I can ask for. I purely enjoy being here and I just want to be treated without the cloud of people I know in person’s judgment for coping how I need to or how I make my own life choices for my kid and I. Which feels ironic that no one gave a shit before, but since his passing everyone now has a say or opinion.

Deep breath. I’ve got additional real world shit I’m trying not to let bring me down. I need to remind myself I’m capable and I’m doing more than I have ever processed in my life. I wouldn’t be okay without the bad batch, without the clones, without my friends here. [also mega shout out to Lupe for being the sweetest person ever and for listening to my constant nonsense <3 ]

I personally find the clones and their loss in a sense comforting, more so relatable because of my own loss. Regardless of fictionality, that they live to fight another day. They keep pushing, they keep fighting. Because that’s exactly what I need right now. You guys are my brothers in that retrospect. No pressure no responsibility just support and happiness.

You’re still here?

Hey 😏

[funnier-as-a-system]

uhm, I'm not part of a system, but I use a person in my head who can take over for me and has their own personality as a coping mechanism, and I was talking about her to my brother cause they help so much and he said that I sounded like his ex who was part of a system so I did research and I experience practically no DID symptoms. So should I stop using it as a coping mechanism? Is that bad and mean to people actually parts of systems? And if it is okay, would it be bad to use things attributed to DID? (alter, headspace, host, etc) Cause I don't wanna harm people actually part of systems and make it seem like some quirky little thing, sorry for rambling a little I get rambley when I'm anxious

I don't mean to alarm you, so please imagine me saying this with a gentle tone, but what you're describing sounds exactly like a system. A system involves having multiple beings* sharing the same body, each with their own sense of self**, and typically being able to change who has control of their shared body (or "take over" as you put it).

* These "beings" can be persons, or referred to with other terms.

** I can't tell for certain based on your ask, but based on how you said she has her own personality, I find it likely that this person in your head has her own sense of self and considers herself to be her own person, since personality is generally understood to be part of one's self.

However, it sounds to me as though you don't believe this could be a system due to some misconceptions about systems. So, let's go over them.

Firstly, you don't need to have DID, or any disorder, to be a system. While having, quote, "two or more distinct personality states" (headmates, or in the case of how you described her and likely describe yourself, persons) is required to have DID, the reverse is not true; you don't need to have DID to have two or more distinct personality states. You don't need to fit the other criteria to be a system; you'd just need to fit the other criteria to have DID. You can experience this specific symptom of DID without experiencing any other. You can be a system without having DID.

Secondly, there are plenty out there without DID (or other disorders) who are still systems "as a coping mechanism", as you put it. They are known as non-disordered traumagenic or stressgenic systems, and their systems come from needing to cope with trauma and/or stress. Sometimes, these systems are even purposely created as an active coping mechanism, but other times they occur without any conscious choice. It sounds to me as though your system could very well come from similar origins, or at the very least, help you in similar ways.

Thirdly, while "alter" is generally associated with DID, as it comes from the medical term "alternate personality state", the other terms you mentioned have origins from other parts of the system community. "Headspace" is a term used by many regardless of status of system or singlet, and "host" has more roots in spiritual systems than psychological. You are free to use whatever terms you wish so long as you make sure you understand their definitions and associations, and are comfortable using them for yourself – for example, systems with spiritual origins are less likely to use the term "alter" due to its medical connotations making many systems of this type uncomfortable, but there are others who are fine with using it for themselves. There are other community terms that people misunderstand in this same way, so don't feel bad about this.

While most people hear of systems in association with DID, DID is not the only way to be a system. You can be a system and describe yourself with system terms without having DID. And on the flip side, some folks with DID choose not to describe themselves as systems or with system terminology! It all depends on the system/person/plural in question.

I'm not going to outright tell you that you are a system. But I urge you to consider where your rejection of the idea comes from, as it seems to me that it is coming from some easy to make misunderstandings about systems in general.

In short, no, you're not being offensive, bad, or mean for being like a system (or being a system outright) without having DID. You're far from alone in that boat, in fact, so don't worry about it. If this other person is helping you, there's no need to get rid of her – in fact, I'd discourage you from doing so on the possibility that she is her own headmate, as repressing or ignoring one's system generally makes things worse. Instead, I'd recommend gently exploring the possibility of being a system, perhaps looking into the created system side of the community to see if anything resonates with you or if there are resources you would find helpful. My own system found many resources from that sub-community that we found helpful when we were first discovering our plurality, and we thought we were only traumagenic back then!

It's alright to be anxious. But I promise, the only people who would get pissed at you for using system terminology or being like a/a system without having DID are generally people you'd want to avoid anyway. If having a coping mechanism of another person in your head who can take over your body sometimes is improving your life – well, I think it'd just be hypocritical, rude, and pointless of me to tell you off for that!

Hope this helps!

[vivika-ka]

I hate to be the person complaining about fanfics, but reading Leopika fics can be a bit difficult when you kin Kurapika more so than the other characters lol.

I feel like there’s barely any emphasis on the fact that he’s grappling with the literal genocide of his people. It’s not one person or some members of his family, it’s literally everyone. Everyone and everything he’s ever known, completely gone yet simultaneously haunting him as parts of them can’t be laid to rest properly (the eyes) and sold as some exotic commodity, completely dehumanizing their bodies even in death--I also wager it is part of their culture to be buried "whole."

He’s carrying that guilt and the fear it’ll happen again to the people he loves and who love him. He’s carrying the legacy of every Kurta clan member on his shoulders. He’s grappling with the disappearance of their culture, sans himself attempting to keep it alive amidst revenge and a quest that may very well kill him. He doesn't want to do the things he's done, but rather views it as a necessity to achieve his goal (to catch a monster, you become one, essentially).*

If this was One Piece, I’d somewhat understand the vitriol in majority of the fics—how frustrating it is that Kura doesn’t open up to his friends, since One Piece begs the characters to trust their friends wholeheartedly (thinking about Nico Robin and Trafalgar Law in relation to Kurapika). But Hunter x Hunter is entirely different in its approach to trauma and interpersonal relationships in general.

I know it doesn’t excuse how Kurapika’s coping mechanisms affect the people who love him; if anything I appreciate how fic writers explore the pain of watching someone you love trying to fight alone and fighting in self-destructive ways. This aforementioned aspect in fics is not what I'm usually picky of, but more so how his trauma is constantly overlooked or underplayed.

The comparison to Gon is something I also don't mind in terms of how hard-headed and self-centered they can be when it comes to their goals (tunnel vision). However, it is not a 1-1 comparison. It always goes back to the fact Kurapika is carrying a genocide on his back vs. Gon carrying the loss of one person. Above everything else, grief is absolutely valid. But I do think there's such a thing as someone grappling with a person's death vs. an entire society and subsequently their culture.

(Much is similar when it comes to aforementioned OP characters, especially Trafalgar Law, when their loss is often compared to other characters but it doesn't quite amount to the same level psychologically and physically. For example, his loss to Blackbeard is often compared to the Strawhats losing to Kuma, when it is entirely different given the context of both characters and crews' backstories and world connections).

Killing the Phantom Troupe is one thing I don't necessarily mind when other characters urge him to let go, since killing them won't bring his clan back. What vexes me boils down to the mission of laying his clan to rest being treated as something easy to give up, I feel like it loses sentimentality. Especially when the fics, and occasionally metas, usually entail every single character shitting on Kurapika for essentially not giving that up.

If there’s any character who hates Kurapika with a passion, is Kurapika. No other character needs to do that for him because he does it plenty for himself, given both his survivor’s guilt and the guilt of hurting the people he cares for.

Anyway, I rarely complain publicly like this, nor do I like to. Following etiquette, I don’t keep reading the stories that aren't for me, and choose to work on my personal WIPs, of course. This is a vent, if anything. It’s just hard when the fandom at large seem to mischaracterize the your favorite blorbo 😅

*Disclaimer. I wouldn't even bother putting this here if I didn't see people arguing Kurapika is willfully enabling the upper class' oppression just because he works for rich folk, plus claiming he himself subscribes to capitalist and oligarchical ideologies compared to Leorio, when that's not true at all lmaooo. Kurapika came from a clan that has deep connection to nature, they were far removed from society at large and lived through deep communal relationships and "trade," they used what was available to them; I wouldn't be surprised if there was little to no monetary system in place. His notion of what is honorable and what isn't has nothing to do with capitalism, it boiled down to doing what is right at the cost of yourself, that's why he is literally sacrificing himself to avenge his clan. Him disagreeing with Leorio on reasons why to become a hunter and having to work for the Nostrade are not AT ALL congruent with agreeing to a capitalist and oligarchical view, what are you people on?

[system-of-a-feather]

A Routine Self-Care / Healing Thing I Do

(And have done for a while. I'm mostly sharing it because I was thinking about it and its relation to other values and thoughts I have and felt like sharing it)

Temporarily denying access to a main coping tool

It sounds counter intuitive, but every so often - either when I want to develop myself more or when I feel like I am stuck for no particular reason and thus feeling as though my life has grown dull and empty - I look at what I spend most of my time doing, particularly to relax, and I say "hey for the next week, we aren't going to do that. Its still there, but that action is off limits" and I choose to limit the usage of whatever I usually spend my time doing

It can cause some stress and so I don't push myself to abide by it 100%, but I try to stick to it when I can, because I often find that when a dominating coping mechanism and time sink is removed, there opens up a vacuum and that vacuum serves to provide a lot of opportunity to introduce new habits, new skills, and see life in a more creative and open manner.

It causes a mild amount of adjustment stress, but so long as the coping mechanism is still there to return to (and you let yourself dabble if it ever gets too stressful with the interest of still minimizing usage) that adjustment stress is a small payment for experiencing new things and being able to expand the things that you can self sooth with.

Not only is this helpful for having diversified coping strategies and introducing healthier habits, but it also practices and helps reinforce to the emotional / trauma brain that sometimes when things that we love and are used to regularly using to sooth aren't available, that we are okay and able to manage with other coping tools - including ones we haven't acquired. It reinforces the idea that even without our familiar coping tools, the world has a lot of things out there that can fill the role as something soothing.

And when you practice the unavailability of preferred coping tools in a space where they aren't ACTUALLY 100% unavailable, you can practice and develop the tolerance to that lack of access in a space where you still have control how much you can tolerate

Then, when life makes it so that something you prefer to cope with is unavailable, you have built up a better relationship with yourself, the world, and coping to feel a little more safe waiting until your preferred coping is available again; because you do this regularly when the access is in your hands. You've survived it multiple times, because its just part of your daily life and practice. Sometimes you don't have what you usually use to meet your needs, and that's okay. There's plenty in the world out there.

[shreddeddescent]

ugh i do have one more drama bomb for the worst case scenario that is the thing that will actually piss everyone off more than anything else, like the final ick, and thats all to do with like.....ok i said no one is coping well at all right. everyones having trauma sex dreams? about the worst fucking shit in the world? nobodies coped with that well.

this will give everyone an actual ick. and im genuinely really sorry. but if i talk about this and youre still okay and nobody eats me alive, then maybe this whole dumb thing could just be posted and ill just be like "HERE its fine and im sorry"

I’m hoping by now we can understand the nuances of this situation. that this is only happening because the characters have been through the most horrible thing imaginable together. please try to be understanding of that.

cw in general for the usual shit. seriously. dont traumatize yourself to read this. and def dont read it if youre not aware of the rest of this timeline. the nuances are important.

leo and raph have just done something stupid to cope. something thats their choice as a one time thing to get the trauma of the assault and loss of bodily autonomy out of their heads. they do something they consent to. its not a choice they made lightly, its something theyre really ashamed thinking is a good idea. but they decided 'hey. i think I need to choose to be stupid, and i think you have the same idea, cuz at least we can both choose to be stupid together. stupid fucking teenagers who can regret their own choices instead of his, and dad has no say in it. and if he has no say he has no power over us, he doesn’t control us, and i can look at you without thinking of him.'

and then it literally does turn their nightmares around. and they can literally laugh in his nightmare face about it.

and then they go to therapy about it. to make sure theyre okay about it, and they actually seem to be. and i think they actually are. thats why its extra fucked up that they now know big mama took advantage of them. because they thought maybe it was okay after speaking to her and now they have no idea. and theyre pretty ashamed, leo in particular. but also like... it did actually get the cage dreams to stop for them. but that’s why leo got so high, cuz he thinks he finally felt ok and THEN he was proven right when they learn about the egg napping. and now he thinks he’s fucked everything up worse by ever thinking what they did was okay.

thats when the fucking kids show up to talk.

is everybody.... hhhhhhhh is everybody okay with that. cuz this is genuinely the final missing piece I’m overly censoring the snippets I’m posting about because its happened in the background. but I’m genuinely hoping that since this whole thing is fucked enough already that these little nuances can be respected. its not a thing they're ever doing again. its a thing they did to feel like fucking dumbass teenagers instead of mindless fucking traumatized animals who are trying to raise their little brothers on their own right now.

its not something id post the specifics of. but the before and after of how that happened and how theyre handling it. because its part of the reason they need help.

please dont throw pitchforks, im really just trying to be honest about the effects of this heinous shit. its all coming from a very serious raw place so i hope you can understand. its not something that was added lightly.

and if you understand and respect that, maybe i can just post the story and say fuck it. cuz its a really fucking.... ugh. like this is obviously the 'ive lost my marbles i need a diagnosis' story. i dont need to say that anymore, but maybe some of you need to read a story like this as much as i needed to write it. i dont mean that in a presumptuous way, but more like... i think maybe im hitting a nerve.

im sorry.