#ITS MY TRAUMAS AND I CHOOSE HOW TO COPE

[ace-dodo]

Amerie and me are literally the same person, look

She got suddenly dumped by her friends? I got suddenly dumped by my friends!!

Almost no one by her side? Same here!

She ended up hanging with ppl she never thought would hang out with her?? Omgs samesies!!!!!

At the end the reason why she got dumped didn't really justify it???? Omgs. Same!!!!

Now that she's back with the friend that dumped her she's anxious af and feels like it will suddenly happen again??? Dude. Same.

[finnbbl]

Hey, I saw your requests are open. Would you write something for 3Racha where something sad happens and the reader turns non-verbal to try and cope with it?

It's just a problem that I always have and I would like to know how you think the boys would react :)

3Racha when you’re nonverbal

3Racha Written

Prompt: Being friends with the main producers of a music group had its perks. But when you’re asked to accompany them a certain gathering, you hesitate when you figure out who will be there.

Genre: Angst/Comfort

Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: Implications of trauma, alcohol and dr*g mention, I don’t think there’s any swearing, reader goes nonverbal.

A/N: I wanted to first start off by saying I apologize it took me a bit to get out. I’ve been in my own slump and I’ve found it super hard to find motivation for anything, especially writing and posting.

I wasn’t sure if you wanted a specific incident to happen where the reader goes non verbal, so I hope this is okay. I also wasn’t sure if you wanted it romantic or not, so I just kind of wrote what felt right in the moment. I tried to leave the situation vague so it could match with anyone’s experiences. I personally don’t like it too much (I honestly hate my writing so it could just be that LOL) so I can make a separate post with a text version, of course it would be a little bit different than this. Please let me know your thoughts 🙏

Requests - OPEN

Masterlist

Please read disclaimer in masterlist

Parties were the absolute worst. If you were forced to choose a least favorite thing on the planet, parties would be it. They’re loud and crowded; Worst of all, he’s always there.

3Racha had been nominated for an award. They had been invited to a big award show, a one where afterparties usually follow. You were incredibly proud of them, knowing just how hard they worked. They meant the absolute world to you, and to see them put their best foot forward and exceed tipped you over the moon. Previously, you’d turn them down when they’d ask you to attend with them, and you had a very good reason. Firstly, parties just weren’t your thing. You never fit in with everyone else growing up. Secondly, you knew that he was going to be there. You didn’t know what to call him. Putting a label on things had never felt right to you before. If someone were to ask him, he’d tell them you were together. But if someone were to ask you, you’d say it was complicated and you were content with how things were. You did that with everyone that seemed to be more than friends with you, commitment was a scary thing. But you did know that he was someone you never wanted to be around ever again.

You remember the way he’d always ask you to accompany him to one. He was the partier in the “relationship.” However, you’d always preferred to stay in. Nice and cozy in your blankets. One night, you decided to try and get out of your comfort zone. You wore something different, and put effort into your appearance. The moment he let his hand “accidentally” linger over your ass was the first sign of a mistake. The night only went downhill from there. Next thing you knew you were drugged and taken advantage of. It took you months to recover, months to find the will to get out of bed. Only Chan out of the three knew of this incident, but only very very vaguely. He only found out because he was the one nursing you back to your normal self again. You avoided giving him details, he doesn’t know the person, time, nor the place. You wanted to stick to using being tired as an excuse to politely turn them down. There was no way you could let them find out that you were just too weak to attend said gathering, especially because they don’t know what happened.

You listened to the boys explain how excited they were for this one. How this was such a big award, and how it was going to be so much different. The excitement that laced their voices made it hard for you to deny the question you knew was coming. “Do you think you could go with us this time?” They knew the answer every time they asked this question. A hesitant no, almost as if you were thinking about it. In reality, your mind was fighting off bad memories. It was hard not to think of it when even the topic was brought up, there’s no way you could bring yourself to revisit the place it happened. He was always going to be there, just like he was at every one while you knew him. Again, parties were his thing. So you were confident no matter which one you attended, he would be there. You were scared, to say the least. Scared of seeing him, scared of being pushed back into that dark room, scared of reliving what had made you feel so lifeless.

However, Han’s unintentional puppy eyes drew you closer and closer to the edge. How you wanted to see them happy. You weren’t sure if it was only platonic or if there was some hint of romantic feelings for them there, but you knew you loved them so much. Although the three knew the usual answer, they still proceeded to ask. They felt as they should always invite you, even if they know what your answer would be. However, this time you surprised them. With a quick purse of your lips, the words fell from your mouth. “Fine, but only this once.” The way their faces lit up when you agreed to go to with them brought a smile to your face. Though it quickly dissipated as your brain grabbed back at those awful memories. The guys were too lost in excitement to notice, but you’d prefer it that way. Everyone else had their own problems, so you hated adding your own on top of them.

The last few nights leading up to the award ceremony were filled with anxiety. Sleepovers with Chan were a mutually agreed way to get both of your minds off of stress. However your anxiety still managed to claw its way through what was supposed to be a comforting barrier with him. Chan was next to you, fast asleep which was something that was rare for him. Meanwhile, you silently cried next to him. Hours passed and you were still unable to fall asleep, too busy fighting off the horrible memories. Horrible memories of a time in your life that left you numb. You couldn’t shake it, knowing that he was going to be there. He was a popular artist, and you’d already checked the lineup for the event. His name was there, and now you were petrified. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell them you changed your mind. They were so excited, so you dealt with it.

The night of the party arrived. You’d isolated yourself for the day, hoping to prepare yourself enough for what was about to come. Hours passed and next thing you knew you were sat between Chan and Changbin on a fancy couch. Despite it being a fancy event, Han sat on the back of the couch with his feet on either side of you, his hands slowly running through your hair. It was a common thing for you to do with the three, often being very touchy with each other. It was to the point where you questioned if you were more than friends. While you didn’t kiss, or do anything beyond that, you were very hands on. Cuddling, hugging, playing with each others hair or outfits, you name it. However, you couldn’t decipher whether it was platonic or if there was a hint of romance in there.

Suddenly, an all too familiar voice snapped you out of the peaceful thoughts that managed to distract you for.. at least a little while. Soon enough, your worst fear of the night happened. He placed himself on the couch right across from you guys. The first 20 minutes or so, he had the subtlety evil smirk on his face.

However, you knew it would dissipate sooner or later. Based on your experience with him, he was an extremely jealous person. And given, how important skin-ship was to you and the three boys, it was only a matter of time. It happened when Han noticed you were quieter all of the sudden. His fingers came to a slow stop in your hair to travel down to your shoulder. His head leaning down to your ear to whisper something.

“Are you alright, jagiya?”

It was quiet, quiet enough where only those within a 3 inch radius could hear. So you wonder why you saw that man who you feared, drop his smirk to a frown. Maybe he read Han’s lips and noticed the word ‘jagiya’ ? Either way, you ignored it, and with a nod and a small smile which was noticeably forced, you brushed off Han’s worries insisting you were just tired. Changbin took notice of his member’s concern, and leaned in close to reassure you that the event would be over soon. You gave him the same smile and quietly thanked him.

Thats when he suddenly started staring daggers at you from across the room, his hand clenching onto the almost empty soju bottle. He was drunk, for sure. That had to have been the scariest part. It only added more fuel to the fire, you were silenced. Except nothing was physically stopping you from speaking. Your head dropped down, staring at your nails that now started to dig into the palms of your and in an attempt to quiet the voices in your mind. It was a bad habit you picked up when you got anxious. Recently, it’d been worse so you currently had crescent shaped markings left behind on the center of your hand. Han noticed the tension in your body, and leaned down to express his concern once again.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You’re very tense.”

No response. As much as you wanted to reassure him that everything was okay, you couldn’t. It felt as if your throat was closing up, you couldn’t speak or move. You were anxious, overstimulated and all you wanted to do was jump out of the window. Anything to escape.

Your eyes were now staring daggers into the floor, and your body was completely still. Did you even hear him? He wondered at your lack of response, however it didn’t take long for him to pick up on it. But before he could say anything else, Chan’s hand gently but swiftly grabbed yours. Holding your hands in such a way that your nails couldn’t fight their way through your skin again. Chan was a very observant person, so it didn’t take him very long to notice the marks on your hands. That’s when Han recognized what was going on, Changbin following in their suit not but a few moments later. Once again, Han leaned down to say something. He was well aware that you were nonverbal right now, but he said it anyways hoping you could at least muster the energy to tell him you wanted to leave. You suddenly felt a hand on either shoulder, which were now rubbing soothingly into your tense muscles. “Do you want to leave? Chan still has to say his goodbyes to everyone, but I can take you outside.” This sentence was whispered into your ear, and the word ‘leave’ sparked your attention. You nodded almost too eagerly.

With that, Han motioned for you to stand up, saying something to you excuse yourselves. Chan let your hands slip out of his, looking over at his band mate and Changbin to silently communicate everyone would be leaving soon. You were unsure of what he said, now focused on not making eye contact with a certain someone right across from you. The closer to you that Han got, the more anger you could feel emitting off of the man in front. That only left you more anxious. Suddenly, Han put his arm around your waist gently to guide you out. The anxiety started to die down as you stepped out of the building, but the tears you were fighting didn’t. “You okay?” Han softly questioned as your eyes looked up to meet his. It took him not but a brief moment to notice your glossy eyes. He immediately pulled you in for a hug, which caused you to break down. Still unable to speak, you only mumbled out incoherent words that the male tried so hard to pick up on. Fortunately for him, he was able to make out a few words which told him everything he needed to know.

You felt unsafe is what it was. Although he wasn’t sure why, it was a step. Han would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t sense anger and tension in the room. The reason was what he couldn’t figure out. His head rested on yours, gently rocking you back and forth hoping to calm you down. Suddenly the door opened, but you remained still. As Chan and Changbin walked over, your breathing began to slow down. “Sorry n/n, I did my best to get us out as soon as possible. They don’t know when to shut up.” Chan apologized and rubbed his hand up and down your back. “Come on, we’ll talk later. Let’s get her out of here.”

Once you all arrived home, everyone went to their dorms. Except you stayed back at Chan and Jeongin’s. Although the younger was in the middle of a brand deal, which left you and the latter alone in the dorm. The trio agreed it would be better if you stayed with one of them for the night, so they decided on the leader’s as it would be the calmest. Your body lay next to him on his comfortable mattress, the lights set to a soft and comforting purple color with the tv playing a movie on the lowest volume. The male laying next to you, with his hand running up and down your back. Your eyes followed the movements of the character on the screen, but your brain wasn’t absorbing any of the plot. It was obvious this was a difficult night for you, but Chan just had to know.

“Feel free to not answer, I know you’re still not in a talking mood..” He led on, and your head raised to make eye contact with him. “Was that the guy… from you know.”

You did know, you knew exactly what he was talking about. Your facial features remained still, looking back and forth between both of his eyes as you mustered up the energy to get some form of response out. With that, you only nodded before turning back to the movie. Chan could swear he felt his heart break and everything suddenly clicked in his mind. If he had known it would only cause you anxiety, then he wouldn’t have pestered you to go for so long. “I am sooo sorry y/n.” His other arm found its way around you as he rested his head on yours. “We wouldn’t have pressed so hard if we knew what was going on.”

Although you didn’t respond, your hand found its way to his and gave him a light squeeze to reassure him that it was okay. “I know I don’t know the whole story but you can always talk to me about how you’re feeling, alright?” A small smile formed on your lips and your head nodded against his, nuzzling further. He let out a light and squeaky giggle as he ran his fingers over your knuckle gently. It was in this moment that you realized it was all going to be okay.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

THANK YOU for pointing out that killer probably wouldn't be diagnosed with DID bc he was an adult when all the bullshit happened

As a system I am honestly kinda tired of people saying he has DID especially since alot of them can't even tell you what it means

Of course. I’ve heard from both singlets (people who aren’t systems) and systems both for and against the idea of Killer having DID/OSDD1/being a system/being plural, and as im not a system, im not gonna comment on or control how systems choose to interpret or headcanon Killer.

But I am of the belief that misinformation should avoid being spread—both of Killer’s canon (not only purely on the basis of not being true, but because if people start believing Killer is canonically a system/has DID/OSDD1 and also is a literal serial killer, that has an understandably bad rep but it may cause people to harass or spread rumors about rahafwabas that aren’t true), and of already misunderstood stigmatized disorders. It also has fantasy themes such as magic, souls, monsters, time travel, Resetting, coming back from the dead multiple times, etc.

Killer is a character involved in themes of heavy abuse (captivity, high control groups, kidnapping, labor trafficking, cult elements, organized crime, etc) and these are all elements that require nuance and care in depicting seriously and respectively—which can be hard to do while also having to keep in mind stigma surrounding the idea of “murderous” or “evil” alter(s)—because these types of abusive controlling environments very often require victims to partake in illegal or harmful acts and behaviors to survive. And this can also very easily to maladaptive coping mechanisms that aren’t easily understood or pretty.

So im of the opinion that if people want to write killer as if he is plural/system and aren’t one themselves, they should both do research and speak to any plurals/systems willing to help them out—and in the actual writing, avoid using terms associated with the actual disorders such as DID, OSDD1, alter, host, persecutor, etc.

Not only because 1. killer was an adult when the trauma and abuse happened, so therefore he’s unlikely to be professionally diagnosed with those disorders even if he shows symptoms and presentations similar to them, and 2. killer himself wouldn’t know what he has and wouldn’t use those terms in relation to himself and his experiences.

He is not in any position to seek diagnosis or treatment or support —under Nightmare and with Chara, he is surviving. He may have a chance of that with Color and the Chromatic Crew in the Omega Timeline, but again—unless this is deliberately an AU where all this trauma happened and stuff when he was an actual child—he likely wouldn’t be diagnosed with it.

So instead it’d be best to focus on his lived experiences regardless of what dissociative disorder one decides to write him with—and use the terms he applies to himself or ones he may apply to himself, such as his numbered hierarchical understanding of his SOUL and its Stages (either something he came up with to make sense of his own experiences, or something that was decided for him by external forces such as Chara or Nightmare.) and perhaps use words like “my stage(s),” “my other,” “my other half,” “when I’m like that,” etc.

And if the topic of Killer having DID ever comes up in the story, such as another character asking him or another Stage if he has it, dont feel the need to confirm it. Not only because Killer himself likely wouldn’t know, but also because he likely doesn’t exactly fit the full criteria for a diagnosis in a canon adjacent story where he was an adult when it all happened.

Of course that’s my opinion, not really important in the grand scheme of things—im not a system—but there it is. Systems, as always, can add and chime in as they wish—and correct any misinformation or misunderstanding if they want.

[wander-wren]

here’s my thing about proshipping, particularly in regards to the “well you can write that stuff to process trauma, but don’t fucking post it” argument. and i’m really just repeating what many, many others have said, but bear with me.

i don’t have sexual trauma (which is, 99% of the time, what this argument is about), so i can’t speak to that directly, but i do have traumas and coping mechanisms that some people think weird or off-putting or gross. i’m also someone who needs to talk about things with some kind of audience in order to process, whether that’s my therapist or my friends or—get this—fanfic readers. often, all three! max processing, baby!

but i’ve had people avoid responding when i bring certain things up, or outright say they can talk to me about some of my ~problems~, but not Those Ones. which is fine on its face, everyone is entitled to boundaries and in many cases they may simply not know what to say.

but it is deeply isolating to feel like there is a part of you unfit for public view. especially a part of you that you still want (need) to talk about in order to come to terms with it. so i can only imagine how it feels for some of the people arguments like these are attacking.

as long as there are warnings (and YES, “choose not to warn” is, in itself, adequate warning), there is no reason why any aspect of the human experience should have to be permanently hidden and undiscussed, no matter how uncomfortable its existence might make some random on the internet.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Kinda sick of the racism from nonblacks (i say nonblacks because it ain't just the whites tho it's mainly them!) in the spiderverse fandom because why does black ppl centering themselves in fiction (you know cuz we never can have ANYTHING) bother them so much??

"Hobie would choose a white girl over you" "why does miles have to be with someone black" "why does he always have to have a black reader" like Ummmm DO Y'ALL NOT HEAR HOW DUMB AND IGNORANT YOU SOUND?

We gotta gatekeep the black characters in this fandom until ppl know how to act right and stop getting besides themselves

PREACH!!!!!! CAUSE LIKE -- People out here are really disturbed that they *checks notes* were reminded black people exist? black people being found specifically attractive in a way whiteness is CONSTANTLY.

Anti-Blackness, Hobie, & The Black!Reader -

[A SHORT rant about people who have an issue with Black!Readers]

I ALWAYS find it where when people beef with Black people who want to date other Black people.

Because it's 100% racism.

If you think that a Black person dating only Black people is wrong - Anti-blackness is probably the root.

Just kidding it is the root its literally the only solution and explanation hehehe

Because as a trans person - when someone says they're T4T, everyone is fine with that.

Cis people can understand that they will never understand the trans experience, and that trans people may be attracted and want relationships with people who can understand on a personal level.

But when a Black Person say they're 'Black4Black' suddenly that's wrong?? We can't do that??

It's like non-whites cannot grasp that anti-black racism is a very VERY specific experience that we deal with all our lives and we may want partners that can not only support us but relate too. Partners we don't have to explain race shit too.

No- blackness is an experience that HAS to be available to them. Black people's experiences, minds and bodies HAVE to be available for there consumption or we're in the wrong.

We are either there to be consumed (like Hobie is) or ignored (like the Black!Reader is).

All my life I've seen the default OC and default reader be a white person. Readers that don't speak AAVE, that show no attempt at culture outside the 'normal' heteronormative American family.

And suddenly we try to change that for ourselves and that's not cool.

Also - people who say that about Hobie are just outright uneducated.

Hobie is from 1978.

Racial Discrimination in the UK was outlawed in 1965. Regardless of whether you think he's 16 or 19 - Hobie Brown grew up under racial segregation from ages 3-6.

He grew up seeing it - experiencing racism. Living with and being raised by and surrounded by a community of older black people who lived under segregation.

And even after the bill - Racist attitudes would still be surrounding him realistically speaking.

HE'S NOT FROM NOW.

Acting like Hobie has no opinions on that, or experiences, or coping mechanisms or TRAUMA from that - is fucked up.

That's black trauma LOOK AT IT.

So YEAH, A guy who grew up under segregation and a police state would have trauma from it.

But they (racists) wanna sidestep that.

They'll talk all day about Hobie's police related trauma - but not the race thing......okay. Okay, no it's fine. I'm fine.

The idea that Hobie might have unsavory experiences with race makes them uncomfortable. The idea that Hobie would seek out Black Spaces to GET AWAY from white people - makes them foam at the mouth.

Not all white people are racist - but a white person can never understand anti-black racism from a personal view the way Hobie or I or you do.

That's just a fact.

But the idea that there's a special outlet we alone understand about Hobie, and connect with him through, they dislike that.

Anti-Blackness. It's everywhere.

YOINK!! I'M TAKING HOBIE BACK TO THE ANCESTORS. LETS GO.

[schmoop-din]

its the year 2024 and people still have impossible standards for got women. Was Sansa nasty to Arya? yes but she doesn't deserve to suffer or die for it. They are both children being abused and victimized by the people and circumstances around them and instead of vilifying the people who put them in those situations we blame the girls for their situations. great. A part of both their arcs in my opinion are about how Westeros standards for ladies are absolute bs, there is no respect for women no matter what you choose so what does it matter if one dreams of love and peace and the other of being a warrior. In the end, they are the future and I can't wait to see how they build their futures. Then we have Catelyn hate and for what the books and the show specify why she let jaime go if she doesn't the Karstarks would kill him and shed never get her girls back so she took a chance and paid for it and there's no empathy for that. She doesn't like Jon for understandable reasons and was cruel to him in a moment of grief there is no grace given to her for that. They expect her to show her anger to Ned instead of Jon forgetting that she lives in a time where divorce does not exist and there's bloody succession battles (ex: nine penny kings). My girl Daenerys probably never got an education in ruling and she was essentially sold off by her own brother but people expect her to be the perfect politician but she's just a teenager trying her utter best to protect her people and herself all while trying to get over the death of her child and cope with the trauma of her rape. meanwhile we got Tyrion and jaime and a bunch of male characters talking about killing or abusing women and children and they become pathetic meow meows (no hate to Tyrion or jaime but just something I've observed).

[ghostymarni]

can we consider that during intense life events, the effect it has on shifting life choices + reasons behind it? character trauma is WILD

just some personal rambling below the cut; venting somewhere for my peace of mind.

[warning heavy life shit]

After my husband passed, I’ve basically been coping sober the last 5 months. It’s to the day today.

From enjoying life on a high, to drop kicking my survival into sobriety. Not that it was bad, it was controlled enjoyment. Knowing that since I’ve dropped weight from grief, alcohol is neither a smart choice nor does it help with digestion which back tracks fitness progress; I also choose to never relapse my 20’s drinking habits.

I’ve almost become extremely wary of doing anything because I refuse to give chance to any potential to lose my career, kid, home, or peace of mind. I’ve shifted back into high caffeine intake but since getting sick I’ve had to go from 3-6 cups of caf to no more than 3 a day. Fitness is on hold until my cough goes away. But with end of the year work overtime, no help, and survival single parent widow perseverance, it is taking its toll on me. I can’t stop, I have no one to fall back on. My eyes now have undertones of bruise discoloration from it all.

I’m taking a break from other social to be more on tumblr again because here brings me more peace of mind. Ya’ll being yourselves have been a beacon of light in all of this. So if you’re reading this, thank you. I push and look forward to the friends I’ve made on here and the chaos and laughs that bring extra serotonin to my world.

I don’t share for sympathy not one bit. Just pure venting to share what’s actually going on with me. Sharing somewhere I know has actual people wanting to interact and care. Even if it’s just a virtual hug, it’s more than I can ask for. I purely enjoy being here and I just want to be treated without the cloud of people I know in person’s judgment for coping how I need to or how I make my own life choices for my kid and I. Which feels ironic that no one gave a shit before, but since his passing everyone now has a say or opinion.

Deep breath. I’ve got additional real world shit I’m trying not to let bring me down. I need to remind myself I’m capable and I’m doing more than I have ever processed in my life. I wouldn’t be okay without the bad batch, without the clones, without my friends here. [also mega shout out to Lupe for being the sweetest person ever and for listening to my constant nonsense <3 ]

I personally find the clones and their loss in a sense comforting, more so relatable because of my own loss. Regardless of fictionality, that they live to fight another day. They keep pushing, they keep fighting. Because that’s exactly what I need right now. You guys are my brothers in that retrospect. No pressure no responsibility just support and happiness.

You’re still here?

Hey 😏

[funnier-as-a-system]

uhm, I'm not part of a system, but I use a person in my head who can take over for me and has their own personality as a coping mechanism, and I was talking about her to my brother cause they help so much and he said that I sounded like his ex who was part of a system so I did research and I experience practically no DID symptoms. So should I stop using it as a coping mechanism? Is that bad and mean to people actually parts of systems? And if it is okay, would it be bad to use things attributed to DID? (alter, headspace, host, etc) Cause I don't wanna harm people actually part of systems and make it seem like some quirky little thing, sorry for rambling a little I get rambley when I'm anxious

I don't mean to alarm you, so please imagine me saying this with a gentle tone, but what you're describing sounds exactly like a system. A system involves having multiple beings* sharing the same body, each with their own sense of self**, and typically being able to change who has control of their shared body (or "take over" as you put it).

* These "beings" can be persons, or referred to with other terms.

** I can't tell for certain based on your ask, but based on how you said she has her own personality, I find it likely that this person in your head has her own sense of self and considers herself to be her own person, since personality is generally understood to be part of one's self.

However, it sounds to me as though you don't believe this could be a system due to some misconceptions about systems. So, let's go over them.

Firstly, you don't need to have DID, or any disorder, to be a system. While having, quote, "two or more distinct personality states" (headmates, or in the case of how you described her and likely describe yourself, persons) is required to have DID, the reverse is not true; you don't need to have DID to have two or more distinct personality states. You don't need to fit the other criteria to be a system; you'd just need to fit the other criteria to have DID. You can experience this specific symptom of DID without experiencing any other. You can be a system without having DID.

Secondly, there are plenty out there without DID (or other disorders) who are still systems "as a coping mechanism", as you put it. They are known as non-disordered traumagenic or stressgenic systems, and their systems come from needing to cope with trauma and/or stress. Sometimes, these systems are even purposely created as an active coping mechanism, but other times they occur without any conscious choice. It sounds to me as though your system could very well come from similar origins, or at the very least, help you in similar ways.

Thirdly, while "alter" is generally associated with DID, as it comes from the medical term "alternate personality state", the other terms you mentioned have origins from other parts of the system community. "Headspace" is a term used by many regardless of status of system or singlet, and "host" has more roots in spiritual systems than psychological. You are free to use whatever terms you wish so long as you make sure you understand their definitions and associations, and are comfortable using them for yourself – for example, systems with spiritual origins are less likely to use the term "alter" due to its medical connotations making many systems of this type uncomfortable, but there are others who are fine with using it for themselves. There are other community terms that people misunderstand in this same way, so don't feel bad about this.

While most people hear of systems in association with DID, DID is not the only way to be a system. You can be a system and describe yourself with system terms without having DID. And on the flip side, some folks with DID choose not to describe themselves as systems or with system terminology! It all depends on the system/person/plural in question.

I'm not going to outright tell you that you are a system. But I urge you to consider where your rejection of the idea comes from, as it seems to me that it is coming from some easy to make misunderstandings about systems in general.

In short, no, you're not being offensive, bad, or mean for being like a system (or being a system outright) without having DID. You're far from alone in that boat, in fact, so don't worry about it. If this other person is helping you, there's no need to get rid of her – in fact, I'd discourage you from doing so on the possibility that she is her own headmate, as repressing or ignoring one's system generally makes things worse. Instead, I'd recommend gently exploring the possibility of being a system, perhaps looking into the created system side of the community to see if anything resonates with you or if there are resources you would find helpful. My own system found many resources from that sub-community that we found helpful when we were first discovering our plurality, and we thought we were only traumagenic back then!

It's alright to be anxious. But I promise, the only people who would get pissed at you for using system terminology or being like a/a system without having DID are generally people you'd want to avoid anyway. If having a coping mechanism of another person in your head who can take over your body sometimes is improving your life – well, I think it'd just be hypocritical, rude, and pointless of me to tell you off for that!

Hope this helps!

[inconspicious-random-thoughts]

Lately I’ve been thinking about everyone’s favorite pyromaniac Cherri Bomb. The Addict video gave us a glimpse of her former partner/ex Izzi, who was implied to have been her Valentino. “Welcome To Heaven” showed us that Cherri has some extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms that she initially tried to rope Angel into to help deal with his trauma with Val (excessive drinking and drug use), and didn’t seem to comprehend how bad this was for him until he vocally affirmed his commitment to redemption. I have to wonder if this was just Cherri being Cherri, or if it was something that she learned from Izzi, who may have convinced her to indulge in excessive hedonism to get around having to actually address her issues in a healthy way (as some abusers tend to do to maintain control over their victims).

Hello, my friend.

I haven't placed much thought into Cherri backstory. I think the difference between Cherri situation with Izzi compared to Angels with Val, is Cherri still owns her soul-probably. But Angel and Cherri probably bonded by the shitty people in their lives and coping with drugs to numb the pain and forget how miserable they are.

Not knowing much about the characters it a little hard to guess why Cherri stay with Izzi if he bad news. Cherri seems too independent, carefree, and confident to hint she being taken advantage of.

But, she might be similar to Angel and that personality is a facade. A mask she puts on. But if there is a reason why Cherri stays/returns to Izzi, I am guessing she believe its love. Izzy probably came along not long after Cherri fell. Making most of her time in Hell with Izzy. She choose Izzi when he sounded like he can offer a Heaven in Hell to her. He said things that Cherri soul craved for, offer to ease her burdens. He felt like a soul mate. But the fantasy he gave slowly chipped away. So slowly that it went unnoticed until it was gone. He'll offer crumbs of that fantasy life that Cherri ate up. She believed there be more not realizing she be starved before she'll get fed. Not realizing she hungry for nourishment because Izzi fed her empty calories of drugs and other forms of escapism. Drugs taken too often to realize her feeling good while being with Izzi was drug induced then genuine, and too high to notice.

However, I think she did woke up for the dream turned nightmare and left. But Izzi influence still impactful to her.

We get to meet Cherri in the pilot. I was excited to meet her again in episode 6. But oh, she made me so mad! She was so pushy trying to enable Angel back into drugs.

In retrospect, Cherri probably didn't realize Angel started to get more committed with the hotel, especially with Husk involvement. Angel probably needed a friend who he felt safe with and confined in. Which Cherri is...but her company typically involved drugs and partying. Husk offered the same friend service as Cherri but minus the drugs and more of a perceptive voice of reason. Husk service is more in align of Angel commitment to the hotel.

But back to Cherri. Pilot we learn Angel been "mostly clean" for two weeks when Cherri asked where hes been. Angel ranting on how lame everything is now for basically to have a free place to crash. Not at all imply he taking it seriously, because at this point...he wasn't.

So fast forward to Episode 6. I can see Cherri probably figured Angel was clean because of the hotels policy that he has blown off before....not realizing Angel was actually trying to be be clean because he wanted to.

So when she overheard him talk with Val...and shit..Angel must be serious to go up against Val like that. She backed off and respected his choice and offer herself whenever Angel needed her as a friend while trying to remove herself from tempting Angle to her parting ways.

Then she shows up again in episode 8 to risk her soul to back Angel up against exorcist. Like Holy shit thats huge. She has nothing to gain beside keeping her friends safe and a lot to lose. That says a lot about her character.

Returning back to her enabling Angel that night. You are probably right with being Cherri coping mechanism. She knows what makes her feel better, even if temporary, and she trying to share it with Angel after his long hard day. Which she knows, is his coping ways too. She was genuinely trying to help Angel. They cant do shit to solve the problem. The problem being Val and his contract. So what do you do when you can't solve a problem or make it better? You try to forget it until you have to face it again. So Cherri try helping by giving him an escape and a night free of consequences and letting loose. A technique that seems very on par on something Cherri would do if she can't solve something by blowing it up.

Crazy idea just came. I don't think this would be canon but it be interesting. What if they were a young married couple while alive. They both Australian look somewhat similar to each other. Perhaps they had a bombing accident that killed them both. Which is why their Hell bodies are similar? Cherri sticking with Izzy because wouldn't you want some sense of familiarity if you suddenly and tragically died and wind up in Hell. Even if their marriage was hitting rocks, and couldn't trust him completely....its better to have one person she can somewhat trust when she first fell. Trust how he think and react etc. It was a sense of some normalcy despite being in Hell. Izzy constantly reminding her that she's his wife. She probably left after they had a argument. Bitterly saying "Til death do us part" as she reflected on the fight...to suddenly realized...they are technically not married anymore since they died. So she left.

What be funny if they both fell and immediately starting to fight like an old married couple.

"What the shit is this?" *looks around the hellish hell...Both spotting each other...who sounded familiar and somewhat look familiar despite their new forms. They called each other human names questionly.

"What the fuck happened. Where are we..?" Million of questions fly to their heads. They both nearly hyperventilation as they try to figure out this nightmare. They try to recall the last thing they remember....they accidently blown themselves out.

"I told you not to buy those cheap ass bombs! The quality is shit!"

"I told you those fuses look short!"

They continue to bicker until another sinner/demon looms over them looking threatening. The two reconcile for now to go somewhere safe and rely on each other.

[shreddeddescent]

ugh i do have one more drama bomb for the worst case scenario that is the thing that will actually piss everyone off more than anything else, like the final ick, and thats all to do with like.....ok i said no one is coping well at all right. everyones having trauma sex dreams? about the worst fucking shit in the world? nobodies coped with that well.

this will give everyone an actual ick. and im genuinely really sorry. but if i talk about this and youre still okay and nobody eats me alive, then maybe this whole dumb thing could just be posted and ill just be like "HERE its fine and im sorry"

I’m hoping by now we can understand the nuances of this situation. that this is only happening because the characters have been through the most horrible thing imaginable together. please try to be understanding of that.

cw in general for the usual shit. seriously. dont traumatize yourself to read this. and def dont read it if youre not aware of the rest of this timeline. the nuances are important.

leo and raph have just done something stupid to cope. something thats their choice as a one time thing to get the trauma of the assault and loss of bodily autonomy out of their heads. they do something they consent to. its not a choice they made lightly, its something theyre really ashamed thinking is a good idea. but they decided 'hey. i think I need to choose to be stupid, and i think you have the same idea, cuz at least we can both choose to be stupid together. stupid fucking teenagers who can regret their own choices instead of his, and dad has no say in it. and if he has no say he has no power over us, he doesn’t control us, and i can look at you without thinking of him.'

and then it literally does turn their nightmares around. and they can literally laugh in his nightmare face about it.

and then they go to therapy about it. to make sure theyre okay about it, and they actually seem to be. and i think they actually are. thats why its extra fucked up that they now know big mama took advantage of them. because they thought maybe it was okay after speaking to her and now they have no idea. and theyre pretty ashamed, leo in particular. but also like... it did actually get the cage dreams to stop for them. but that’s why leo got so high, cuz he thinks he finally felt ok and THEN he was proven right when they learn about the egg napping. and now he thinks he’s fucked everything up worse by ever thinking what they did was okay.

thats when the fucking kids show up to talk.

is everybody.... hhhhhhhh is everybody okay with that. cuz this is genuinely the final missing piece I’m overly censoring the snippets I’m posting about because its happened in the background. but I’m genuinely hoping that since this whole thing is fucked enough already that these little nuances can be respected. its not a thing they're ever doing again. its a thing they did to feel like fucking dumbass teenagers instead of mindless fucking traumatized animals who are trying to raise their little brothers on their own right now.

its not something id post the specifics of. but the before and after of how that happened and how theyre handling it. because its part of the reason they need help.

please dont throw pitchforks, im really just trying to be honest about the effects of this heinous shit. its all coming from a very serious raw place so i hope you can understand. its not something that was added lightly.

and if you understand and respect that, maybe i can just post the story and say fuck it. cuz its a really fucking.... ugh. like this is obviously the 'ive lost my marbles i need a diagnosis' story. i dont need to say that anymore, but maybe some of you need to read a story like this as much as i needed to write it. i dont mean that in a presumptuous way, but more like... i think maybe im hitting a nerve.

im sorry.

[darcytaylor]

It is tiring, is it not, trying to be a voice of reason in a fandom hell-bent on indulging in anything but? I admire your conviction and constancy, you're a stronger soldier than I.

Day after day I log in, finding very little in the fandom that interests me. I deleted my original blog because I was getting hate in my inbox on one hand and getting blocked by certain accounts then getting shit-talked by them on the other and people telling me about it. I don't need something like that in my life, especially not about something as inconsequential as a bloody TV show. Now I just mostly observe and occasionally slide into the ask box of people like you.

I think it's important to realize that at its core, this isn't about the show or Nic or Luke at all, it's about people meeting emotional needs by latching onto a piece of comfort media. A lot of the more extreme accounts in the fandom seem to be run by people with substantial trauma who are just trying to cope with the realities of life by rejecting them. It's unfortunate that they're taking it out on real people who just happen to be actors, but my hope is that the outlandishness of the claims makes it very easy for Nic and Luke to dismiss them outright and protect their peace.

I've been protecting my peace as well by not engaging. It just... It doesn't matter that much, none of this does. It's just entertainment. One day, people will delete their blogs, Tumblr will cease to exist, and so will the Universe, eventually. Not to get all existential on you lol, but everything that's ever been created and will ever be created will fade into irreversible nothingness. Do we really want to spend the limited time we have on Earth having bad experiences, especially unnecessary ones? The answer for me is no. But if other people are choosing this distress, it's not for me to tell them not to. It is their job to protect their own peace, if they so wish. And if they don't - well, it's their life to waste.

Appreciate you and hope we get more good career news from Nic and Luke soon! Have a good one.

Well, this is a thoughtful and introspective ask. Thank you for taking the time to share this, and for your kind words. It can definitely feel exhausting sometimes, trying to keep a level head in a space that can be so volatile and toxic. (I wouldn’t call myself the voice of reason - I’m just a human trying to be a positive presence online). But messages like yours remind me why I try - because there are people out there quietly observing, navigating the chaos in their own way, and some who may find some value in what I share.

I completely understand your decision to step back and protect your peace. That’s a smart move, and honestly, a much healthier one in a lot of ways. I’m sorry you had to deal with hate and gossip - it’s so disheartening how a space meant to bring joy can spiral into something so toxic. Like I’ve said before, if you don’t like a take you come across that isn't hurting anybody, there’s no need to respond in a hateful way (I do it all of the time!). People don’t need to belittle others for thinking differently. That doesn’t create an environment where everyone can actually enjoy themselves, learn, or connect. Instead, it just breeds hostility and defensiveness. And when people feel attacked, they’re less likely to engage in meaningful ways and more likely to retaliate. It’s just a vicious cycle of negativity, and no one wins in the end.

You bring up a good point about fandoms being a way for people to meet emotional needs (I mean I guess that's one of the reasons why I'm here). It’s such a bittersweet thing. On one hand, fandoms can be this amazing space for creativity and connection, but it can also turn into an unhealthy escape for some. Like you said, when this need for comfort becomes fixated on, it can lead to harmful projections - where the lines between fantasy and reality blur, and the people involved, like Nicola and Luke, are treated as though they’re part of that escape, instead of being real individuals.

I'm sure that Nicola and Luke are able to dismiss the more extreme stuff. I imagine that as public figures, they’ve probably had the opportunity to get some training or support to help them deal with everything that comes with fame - whether it’s media training, social media strategies, or just leaning on the people around them. They should hopefully have the tools they need to manage.

It’s a bit of a comfort to think that the more outlandish claims might be easier for them to brush off though, but it’s still a shame that they even have to deal with it in the first place. It’s a good reminder for all of us to try to approach spaces like this with more care and awareness.

Your existential perspective makes sense, none of this will matter in the grand scheme of things. What does matter is how we spend our time and the experiences we choose to let into our lives.

Thank you for your kind words and for this reminder about the bigger picture. Take care of yourself, and know that your choice to protect your peace is something to be admired.

Bring on more good news from Nicola, Luke and the rest of the Bridgerton cast! ❤️

[cere-mon-ials]

2023 in kdramas

*that i finished

**in order of how deep and lasting the brainrot was/is from barely a smidge to stitched to my soul

[12] I figured See You In My 19th Life would be trying when I couldn’t understand why an extraordinary individual in her 18th life—18 incredible lives lived over some of history’s most happening centuries—would fixate on one pesky schoolboy. I bought it because (a) Shin Hye-sun was selling it (b) the show tried to make it clear that while she remembered her past lives, it is not the same as living the one she is in. So when the young Ju-won meets Seo-ha, she is still a 12-year-old who happens to fall for a 9-year-old, except she has heightened emotional maturity.

The plot follows Ju-won, who is reincarnated as Ban Ji-eum, her 19th life after her 18th was cut short in a car accident with Seo-ha. Then, the show fumbles its own logic, unable to choose if the real gift is living in the present or remembering how we got there. We are told that Ji-eum is determined to fix the life she didn’t get to live as Ju-won and because Ju-won’s family and Seo-ha are still alive, that’s who she seeks out. She also finds a dear one from her 17th life. The twist is that the 18th life was meant to be a fated reincarnation of two lovers, who in their time—the first life—were wronged. In the end, when the sins are atoned for, Ji-eum loses the memories of her past lives. She is Ji-eum, smart and talented, daughter of an abusive man and born destitute, free of karmic obligations. But who is this Ji-eum? Who does she love? Why are the memories of everyone who knew her as the extraordinary Ju-won/Ji-eum so valuable and hers isn’t? Milquetoast writing and a genuine lack of interesting characters in the rest of the show.

[11] I didn’t finish the first season of Dr. Romantic because I had a violent reaction (derogatory) to Yoo Yeon-seok’s character. I went straight to the additional episode ft. Kim Hye-soo who is ~flails~ and warmed up to this fantastic ensemble, thanks to a YYS-less sequel. Season 3 is ambitious and follows the raggity crew of overworked doctors in a country hospital now coping with its expansion into an elite trauma centre. The show does neither this premise nor the incredible cast they managed to bring back together (at least four of who could demand three times what they were paid in S2) any real justice. It had all the ingredients and an emotional core that is most pleasing to me. Seriously, it was so good: in reaching for the Michelin stars of healthcare, ostensibly Kim Sabu’s legacy, both he and his colleagues find that they may need to reassess what he taught them. Look at the implications. Doldam is a hospital that has run for two seasons on the strength of close-knit interpersonal relationships in ways (some might accuse) hazardous to professional codes. Something's gotta give.

DRR S3 does not trust the emotional tensions that these ideas can provoke and instead, throws in spectacle after spectacle. A bloodbath on a ship carrying illegal migrants, a raging forest fire, a building collapse. And there are villains, written as yangs to yings, in a main character's father played by an actual trash person, and then groan a politician. I mean, the vagaries of ill fortune and death is right there. Isn’t that enough? Makes you wonder just how did Lee-Shin partnership accomplish what they did with HosPlay. Someone who loves DRR’s characters will sit through it. But it’s junk food.

[10] Lee Bo-young is a force in Agency. It's a tried and tested formula: a brilliant creative person with abandonment issues in fantastic clothes. I enjoyed the snippy dialogues, peppered with refreshing metaphor and irony reminiscent of vintage Hollywood flicks. The writing isn’t confident about what it wants to say about an ambitious single woman in a workplace (and other women too including working mothers, women who find no need in dressing up to do their jobs, expert women who still have to struggle when they want to build something). But perhaps you, like me, can let it pass. It is not ideal to fetch a real answer to women’s struggles amidst capitalist excess.

[9] Our Blooming Youth begins with a cursed prince (Park Hyung-sik) and a noblewoman (Jeon So-nee) accused of murdering her entire family joining hands to free each other. Lurking behind is a national conspiracy spearheaded by several degenerate officials who wish to erase a people and their history—interesting that OBY and My Dearest later in the year featured the most marginalised being branded as traitors. The prince and noblewoman (cross-dressed as a eunuch of course) are joined by four young individuals who feel a sense of duty. I adored this band and their shenanigans. The show is kind to the youth in question, to their capacity to chase freedom and friendship. I was moved by such love for characters in this story about nationhood as an ongoing project.

But enjoying OBY means reading in between the lines because the show doesn’t know what to do with its 20-episode length or the depth of its interest in the scars of unacknowledged genocide. I felt impatient and unfulfilled more times than I’d like. I wish OBY was more meaty because it had the opportunity to be radical and chose to be inoffensive. Hyung-sik, very dear to me. So-nee, GOSH. I have loved her since Encounter (2018) and she fills a frame like nobody’s business. If there is such a thing as female gaze, she’s got it. I caught her in the little I watched of Soulmate (2023) recently. A marvel, just like Kim Da-mi.

[8] One Day Off is whimsical and celebrates the mundane in eight chapters following the wanderings of a school teacher, played by the luminous Lee Na-young. Japanese entertainment does discovering minor joys and its everydayness so well that it’s a genre in itself. I have seen it in a handful Korean variety shows too. As a drama, this is new to me and ODO felt special. It giveth in multitudes taking us to a monastery, an art exhibit, a film festival, a planetarium, many bakeries. At other times, it puts us in the middle of a rainy day and ancestral rites and a bus station where the teacher is stuck with condescending boomers. It's lovely.

[7] King The Land benefitted from low expectations of prestige. Junho lovers were tuning in to see him frolic after his Baeksang-winning performance as King Jeongjo, I can’t speak for Yoon-A lovers. The makers wanted to bank on these beloved actors and there is minimal friction between who they are and what they play on-screen. Junho, handsome, rich, kind. Yoon-A, pretty, hardworking, warm. There is a good chance that this show was part of a joint marketing campaign by Dior and Estee Lauder. And also, possibly, Thailand's tourism department. KTL is classic popcorn, easy on the eyes, easy on the mind (save for that irritatingly stupid arc with the ‘Arab prince’), designed to be innocuous. Here’s the thing, though: the cast and crew were not messing around with that dough. They chose to inject this fan + consumer service with an earnest desire to entertain missers of fluff romance. Lee Junho, permanent resident of my heart.

[6] Going in with low expectations helped when I watched My ID is Gangnam Beauty too. Kang Mi-rae is starting college with a new face, having shed her old one at the surgeon’s table because of life-long bullying at being conventionally unattractive. But Mi-rae now has to deal with gossip and judgement about the extents she has gone for what’s deemed as a vanity project. When Mi-rae says that it matters what people think of her, I can't object. It’s because Gangnam Beauty tells a story about familiar feelings and yet, it is also defiantly about Mi-rae. You can walk with her but you’re aware that not all of us walk in her precise shoes, and it’s not about measuring who’s having it worse either. I loved watching her settle into her skin, remaining compassionate in whatever is the opposite of noble idiocy.

Very sweet romance. I may not have noticed Cha Eun-woo if I hadn’t been derailed to the hilt by him in Island—also a show I finished but you will not find it on this list For Reasons.

[5] I wanted to love My Dearest a lot more. It was promising what with Namgoong Min as the perfect Lee Jang-hyun and Ahn Eun-jin as the perfect Yoo Gil-chae. NGM’s ability to smirk in a way that elicits both a punch and a blush is unparalleled. He owns the role of clever playboy merchant who sees the rules of polite society as impositions and who values human life above platitudes. AEJ's Gil-chae is stubborn and witty and audacious and has no interest in anything that distracts her from her desires. I loved them, and that became one of my problems when Part 1 ended. NGM is the perfect Jang-hyun and AEJ is the perfect Gil-chae but I wasn’t able to root for their romance. I never quite got over how the desire that they shared, which war put a damper on before it got a chance to bloom, gets cheapened at the end of Part 1—please read @elderflowergin's excellent post about this. In Part 2, that conversation isn’t adequately addressed but I was there to watch these two actors earn their Baeksang nominations. I found myself willing to move with the tides when Jang-hyun and Gil-chae let each other in after they learn to devote themselves to the people who make their community.

I cannot fault MD, however, on its commentary about how war disrupts ordinary life. There is nothing more moving in the show than the Joseon slaves in Qing singing their songs and harvesting rice, yearning for home while the King and his scholars commit to preserving standing and write these countrymen off. It’s a sharp critique of an upper class that delude themselves about their importance. MD is courageous enough to say that the nation does owe something to its people and the nation must prove itself worthy of sacrifice before it can demand such a thing. I haven’t stopped feeling the pangs of this love letter to a people and their land. The first seven episodes, set during the invasion and in the early days of the Joseon surrender, is real television. It’s what I watch sageuks for.

What else? Great telling of Crown Prince So-hyeons’s story. Lee Chung-ah is captivating. MD would have risen in my heart and on this list if it were more attentive to Ryang-eum. Double amnesia was comically exhausting to watch but I do feel generous now. The first time round Jang-hyun regains his memory because of a tangible article that proved Gil-chae’s love for him. The second time he traces back the arc of his life that spawned enduring memories of love and dreams. He’s not looking to retrieve what he doesn’t know he has lost. He knows he has lost and he is piecing together what he can. That’s a bold note to conclude on by makers who have risen to question the state of a nation in the hands of incompetence and cruelty and obscene pride. The racism is unsurprising—I wish this meant that I had better tolerance for it. I also wish the story knew better than to push Eun-hye to the sidelines. My favourite scene is Gil-chae finding Jang-hyun clawing to life by a string on a pile of corpses and proceeding to play dead while holding him tight to escape.

[4] I kept tuning in to Moving week after week despite my reservations about high school life, superheroes, and gore because it is a feat of storytelling. A rewarding first act, an absorbing second, and a near perfect third. It’s a compelling story on its own about superhero parents who will go to any lengths to protect their superhero children. But it’s also poignant in how it tackles passive peace.

Critiques of the state’s abuse of power often turn fangless in the face of this idea about national security, the notion that secures our future. Writers fumble because they feel forced to provide an alternative: how else do we protect what we must? Moving kills the question by letting you see past that what (national security) and takes you to a who (our children, our literal future). It dismantles the illusions with its central stage as a highly-surveilled school where undercover secret agents observe and train gifted children. The litmus test isn’t going to be the abstraction of a nation. It’s going to be whether our children can grow up, can learn, can be free to be who they want to be, irrespective of talents they may or may not possess.

A state which can’t imagine freedom as such is a failed state and a failed state resorts to joining hands with those who have every interest in keeping us from seeing that we do in fact want the same things as our neighbours. The real world bleeds in when the story of two Koreas becomes apparent. It’s acutely observed in a way that’s trope-y but perhaps not untrue. But the show is more interested in the shared Koreanness, in their love for their children, and for the unimpeachable desire to make their lives better.

Park Hee-soon had me hugging myself from his first frame to the last. Electrifying performance. Han Hyo-joo, oh my god.

[3] My Lovely Boxer was made for me. It’s about Gwon-sook (Kim So-hye), a boxing prodigy who disappeared from public eye after failing to show up for a championship game and Tae-young (Lee Sang-yeob), a ruthless sports agent at the cross hairs of matchfixing. Tae-young has messes to clean, payments to make, and he finds Gwon-sook to bring her back to the limelight for one final game to lose. Gwon-sook wants nothing to do with the sport and Tae-young promises that if disappearing for good is what she wants, then this plan would work for her too. It’s exactly as angsty as it sounds.

The show works because it doesn’t touch a thing that it isn’t willing to gnaw into. It doesn’t merely dangle matchfixing as plot omen—it explores the emotional and economic damages for the sportsmen with heft. Gwon-sook feels no love for boxing but she isn’t the only boxer in the world and that feeling is hardly universal. One of my favourite characters this year is Ah-reum, the opponent of that championship game for which Gwon-sook didn’t show up. That day, Gwon-sook may have chosen to leave the game for self-preservation but she also took away Ah-reum’s right to fair play. MLB is at its best when it navigates Gwon-sook seeking Ah-reum’s forgiveness because therein lies sportsmanship and what it means to tirelessly push your body for a shot at the ring. It’s an exhilarating journey with these two girls because (a) you want Ah-reum to have her moment (b) you don’t want Gwon-sook to lose and let the matchfixing bookers pocket money (c) you begin to wish Gwon-sook could win because she is too good. The stakes are delicious because the bookers are also a tad bit murderous and the final match had me at the edge of my seat.

Lee Sang-yeob was a shock to my system with his intense stare and a thespian interpretation of a man in shades of grey. Sexy bitch. I want to see Kim So-hye and Shin Se-kyung play sisters one day.

[2] Into The Ring tops my list of kdrama romcoms. Nana is a star and the fact that Se-ra cannot walk straight to save her life makes me giggle. She is blunt in the wrong ways, sharp in the wrong ways, and honest in all the right ways. Her heart is big and she has a sense of service to the people around her as though she really believes she was raised by a village. I loved Se-ra’s parents who reminded me of my own in their warmth and clownery. Park Sung-hoon’s Gong-myung is the dream guy: competent at work, loser in everything else. There’s only one kind of valid workplace romance and it’s this: accidentally becoming an elected representative and your childhood nerd friend volunteering to be your secretary to cover your ass. Perfect, no notes.

I happened to be reading Sara Ahmed’s Complaint! around the same time and I think it made me love the show's take on political action more. This is where Se-ra begins, just her and her complaint diary. That early episode where it dawns on her that she wants this job as much as she needs it got to me. There’s much to love in a show that is okay with however small a population she represents, as long as they are fun about joy and serious about justice.

[1] At the outset, Call It Love sounded like the makjang I avoid—a relationship between a woman and the son of her father’s mistress? Turns out, it's possible to tell that story like an accomplished spare poem with meticulously composed frames overdoing headroom and pared down dialogues. In effect, CIL is beautiful to look at and inviting to spend time with. This is kdrama caviar. Debut writer Kim Ga-eun has a gift for writing loneliness and solitude as not mutually exclusive to being a loved and loving person. She’s drawn comparisons to the extraordinary Park Hae-young who is the master at this sorcery. To my mind, the comparisons hold merit in subject but they operate with different intentions and styles. I hope they meet one day and I get to be a fly on the wall.

I was struck by how Lee Sung-kyung played Woo-joo as the responsible middle child, the one most burdened by the timing of her family’s collapse. The show is about her revenge but often, you see her struggle with the coldness this demands of her. She cannot resist what comes easiest to her and that’s her ability to see people having bad times as a reflection of the times, not the people. It's why she can forgive the aggrieved man who harms her, and why she tidies Dong-jin’s ex’s house while the ex is recouping from the heartbreak of losing the same man she is falling in love with.

No one has gotten the allure of the quiet guy, the shy guy, the good guy who is too awkward to be nice like Kim Young-kwang has. Dong-jin knows he has to work very hard to keep up with the pace of the world. He knows his mind but is afraid to impose it, because he doesn’t think it matters and because he doesn’t want to be a bother. Young-kwang just gets that line between clarity and low-esteem. I will never forget his teary eyes and total submission to loving Woo-joo in the single word he lets out with a hitched exhale. He slouches a lot but he will look you in the eye when he has to say something he doesn’t want to repeat. I loved him for that dignity. Special kisses to him for ditching neck ties.

It is true pleasure to see two male leads, majestic and towering in physique, composed to look tiny and frail. At one point, the costume department steps up Woo-joo’s wardrobe as her feelings intensify and it doesn't come across as a makeover. It is presented as the ordinary consequence of paying attention. I loved everything and everyone. The siblings. The ex-girlfriend, the bad mother and also, the generous & kinda clueless one. The stepfather who lingered, the best friends, the loyal & competent manager lady. Favourite kiss.

*

I am currently watching four dramas: A Good Day To Be A Dog (cute & fun), My Demon (silly & fun), Park's Marriage Contract (testing my patience), and Tell Me That You Love Me (relishing but for some reason not investing). I missed Not Others and The Eighth Sense when they were airing and they are the two shows from 2023 that I am adding to my watchlist. I am looking forward to 2024 because we seem to be getting at least one release from several greats and beauties. See you then! I hope no one emails you for the rest of the year and you eat well.

[system-of-a-feather]

A Routine Self-Care / Healing Thing I Do

(And have done for a while. I'm mostly sharing it because I was thinking about it and its relation to other values and thoughts I have and felt like sharing it)

Temporarily denying access to a main coping tool

It sounds counter intuitive, but every so often - either when I want to develop myself more or when I feel like I am stuck for no particular reason and thus feeling as though my life has grown dull and empty - I look at what I spend most of my time doing, particularly to relax, and I say "hey for the next week, we aren't going to do that. Its still there, but that action is off limits" and I choose to limit the usage of whatever I usually spend my time doing

It can cause some stress and so I don't push myself to abide by it 100%, but I try to stick to it when I can, because I often find that when a dominating coping mechanism and time sink is removed, there opens up a vacuum and that vacuum serves to provide a lot of opportunity to introduce new habits, new skills, and see life in a more creative and open manner.

It causes a mild amount of adjustment stress, but so long as the coping mechanism is still there to return to (and you let yourself dabble if it ever gets too stressful with the interest of still minimizing usage) that adjustment stress is a small payment for experiencing new things and being able to expand the things that you can self sooth with.

Not only is this helpful for having diversified coping strategies and introducing healthier habits, but it also practices and helps reinforce to the emotional / trauma brain that sometimes when things that we love and are used to regularly using to sooth aren't available, that we are okay and able to manage with other coping tools - including ones we haven't acquired. It reinforces the idea that even without our familiar coping tools, the world has a lot of things out there that can fill the role as something soothing.

And when you practice the unavailability of preferred coping tools in a space where they aren't ACTUALLY 100% unavailable, you can practice and develop the tolerance to that lack of access in a space where you still have control how much you can tolerate

Then, when life makes it so that something you prefer to cope with is unavailable, you have built up a better relationship with yourself, the world, and coping to feel a little more safe waiting until your preferred coping is available again; because you do this regularly when the access is in your hands. You've survived it multiple times, because its just part of your daily life and practice. Sometimes you don't have what you usually use to meet your needs, and that's okay. There's plenty in the world out there.

[littlebunnywitch]

Ranma Headcanons

Before I start with my Ranma (from Ranma 1/2) Agere HC I want to mention I do prefer black hair Girl Ranma, and Genderfluid Ranma.

I HC Ranma with D.I.D they have 3 alters - All alters do answer to Ranma but there is

Ranma/Yoiko - Main Alter. He is genderfluid, but struggles with internalized issues due to their parent's pressures to be a man. He is socially awkward and immature for his age (emotionally and socially stunted as a 10 to 13 year old). He is also an age regressor a Vent/Trauma regressor (baby to 2 year old) and a Coping regressor of 5 years old. Yoiko is not another alter but rather another name that Ranma goes by specifical when hes feeling little.

Cat - Alter caused by Nekoken and is triggered due to extreme Cat stress. This Alter causes full dissociation between all sides. Cat does not have a name or gender and is and identifies as just a cat. Is the only alter not scared of cats.

Ranko - An alter inspired by Ranma behavior in the episode Am I Pretty. She identifies as a woman. And is highly destressed when forced in the male body. She is most often triggered by sever gender based stress; Like Ranma's mother. She is mature for her age, pacifist, and looks up to Kasumi. She has access to Ranma's memory but it feels more like a dream then her own.

RANMA/YOIKO HEADCANONS

Doesn't know he had DID

Is the alter out the most

Lacks alot of social skills and knowledge due to the way they were raised

Special interest is Martial Arts.

Touched starved but also touched avoidant due to growing up with most physical contact was training or fighting and having others force themself on them.

Doesn't know how to ask for affection - and is to scared to at the risk of being shamed or mocked.

Ranma will hide or runaway if shes feeling like shes going to cry.

Huge sweet tooth and is a messy eater.

Has a soft spot for soft textures

Wears Pull-ups and Diapers even when not little due to having body issues for afew different reasons. This only applies to Ranma due to Cat and Ranko not sharing the same mental blocks that cause Ranma's issues.

Over time once Ranma accepted and became more confident with being genderfluid they would start going by Yoiko and Ranma would become their system name

RANMA'S AGERE HEADCANONS

Ranma is a premaregressor 10 to 13 year old due to the way he was raised Ranma's social and emotional development is stunted. A Vent / Trauma Regressor baby to 2 year old A coping / comfort regressor 2 to 5 year old - after the time mushrooms they found it more comfortable not physically being a child but rather the way they were treated. Ranma has a preference to be in girl form and go by Yoiko when choosing to be little. Shes more comfortable expressing and being herself as Yoiko.

Avoids parental terms with most people even when comfortable with someone acting as a CG for him.

When involuntary regressed he is very quiet and prone to hiding. Also if in this headspace there is no holding Cat back even if its only 1 cat. Alot more sensitive to triggering out when vent or trauma triggered regressed headspace.

Over time he does find Kasumi an okay person to be around when hes involuntary vent/trauma regressed. At times being highly clingy to her (But only when no one else is around)

Can fight in most headspaces still. Tends to view martial arts as a game when in headspace.

When her drop has been voluntary and by choose she likes to locate either Ryoga or Kasumi due to being rather close to them.

Has a very small collection of little items he's collected or was gifted.

Feels the most comfortable being little around Kasumi and Ryoga. When she has chosen to be little.

Alot of her coping / comfort age regression stems from getting a chance to have a real childhood. Due to this though his parents will knock him out of this headspace.

For the most part prefers wooden and simple toys but does have a soft spot for video games.

RANKO HEADCANONS

Shes not an age regressor

Ranma doesn't know about her or share memories with her the way Ranko can access Ranma's memories and know about him.

She has a preference for Bitter Desserts and Tea.

Will buy things for Ranma that reminds her of them. Like a Red Panda plush for when ranma is feeling little.

She takes over the body when ever they are dealing with the time of the month

Tries to keep the body in bras and sports bras as often as she can

She is also a talented cook and enjoys helping Kasumi

She loves to draw and write picture books

Ranko does all their shopping and thrifting for female clothes and knows how to sew often tailoring or fixing their outfits.

Has been around BEFORE jusenkyo springs or the Am I pretty episode. She was just dormant until she reemerged in the Am I Pretty episode.

CAT HEADCANONS

Is very physically affectionate to those it likes. A cat who loves and demands pets and attention

Loves taking naps in odd places like on the roof, in a tree, outside, inside in sunbeams, on top of counter, on top of shelfs. Basically where ever they want.

Once away from whatever has triggered Cat to come out Cat is alot like a housecat once settled. Will likely go looking for somewhere to nap or get food.

Has a highly keen sense of smell and can claw through pretty much anything

Understands large portion of human language but doesn't speak it preferring to speak cat. (Cat can understand other cats too)

RELATIONSHIP CHART Ranma is asexual but is close with Kasumi They have a strange relationship with Ryoga because they are "Rivals" but the two are also best friends and they also have a sibling-like relationship. He views most of her fiancees as their friends but nothing more.

Ranko is personally attracted to Ukyo - Considers Akane as a friend but Akane isn't attracted to her

Cat likes Shampoo the most. Cat will stay around if Shampoo is around because Cat enjoys interacting and being around the strange purple cat or the purple hair woman who can speak cat. Cat can be calm down by Akane to the point where they will switch out due to Akane making Cat feel safe.

Akane and Ryoga is a couple

[tic-toc-clock77]

Alfred's Playhouse and the portrayal of trauma and abuse. -A rant

Cw: Nazism, trauma

Let's get this out of the way, I don't support Emily's Nazism and I think it's an awful 'coping mechanism' but I can understand to a degree how she ended up here.

Her traumas were NOT dealt with properly and it led her to an awful place, as much as she didn't believe it's a problem. I do feel bad for her.

I think with proper help she could've been a much better person by now but unfortunately, that's not how she chooses to live and there's nothing anyone can really do about that through the internet.

On the side of the 'Fandom' for Alfred's Playhouse.

It's gross, first off, to make a fandom out of something that's so incredibly personal even if it was put onto the internet and turn it into a joke. I'm more than well aware that Emily doesn't mind the idea of a fandom for Alfred's Playhouse and I can respect THAT but people take it very far.

I can absolutely understand relating to it or wanting to research it. As somebody with traumas and who has written some very personal things based on my traumas and experiences with PTSD and obsession, I've researched Alfred's Playhouse and taken even some inspiration from it to collect my own thoughts about my issues and make something creative with it.

However, I fear making something so personal just to have it turned and morphed into something that people call "silly:3" and "cute", that is what makes me sick about the 'fandom' for this show. This fandom took what could be a learning experience and tried to turn into something it's really not.

But, that's just my two cents on this topic

I understand making jokes about your OWN trauma, I do sometimes when I'm comfortable around people but it's different when it's somebody ELSE'S life and traumas.

That said, I think the portrayal of trauma and the effects that Alfred experiences are very relatable; the scrambled thoughts, the urgency to harm yourself to reach out for help (I never personally did when I was in the thick of it due to fear of my family possibly finding out) but all of it is well made and very true.

With that, I don't like people calling the show itself disgusting for its portrayals. I think the Nazism is disgusting and those themes within the show were too but full disclosure, it was all, I believe anyway, could be taken as cries for help. The entire thing was a reflection, a closure maybe. I don't truly know what Emily was thinking...

[celestialtarot11]

Small astro observations Pt 2 ✈️

Capricorn moon children like being alone at their younger years 4-10 years old. I notice as they reach around 11-17 most of them are chaotic and unhinged in a hilarious way. It could be due to their trauma and how they choose to cope with it, via humor. This side of them lessens as they grow older, its not visible as much as it used to be. Same for Capricorn suns.

Gemini moon paired with Leo and pisces in big three: likes being mysterious, even mannerisms match this mysterious personality. I have a friend who does not like to give any information of herself to anyone. Its very hard to understand her because she pushes everyone away, and buries herself in work. Due to her Leo rising, she has a high status in university being that she is an Residential Advisor, and participates in numerous events for campus. She has shown me her schedule and every week she is booked with appointments. I know her gemini moon self wants to talk 😭

When sun and moon match, its either heaven or hell. Or both, making it complicated. I’ve noticed when the relationship is going well, aspects are highlighted very well with this astrological aspect. Its easier to get to know one another, it feels natural and easy. It’s harmonious. However, when the relationship turns petty, bitter, and heavy for whatever reason, aspects are heavily affected. Very easy for both people to get aggravated at one another, one upping is very common, and it seems like the two are so similar that they resent it, and hide from that truth, or one may hide. It reveals a lot of petty behavior and egotistical issues.

8th house transits are very deep psychologically and invoke changes mentally, physically, and spiritually. Mine starts around October, which is libra season. My best friend has libra in the 8th house, so do I, and we both are undergoing transformations psychologically. It’s very interesting, because she never worked with angels before and during her 8th house transit, she is considering them and is planning to get closer to faith.

If anyone else has anything else to share please do 🤍✨ like, comment and reblog! Thank you.