#ITS MY TRAUMAS AND I CHOOSE HOW TO COPE

[ace-dodo]

Amerie and me are literally the same person, look

She got suddenly dumped by her friends? I got suddenly dumped by my friends!!

Almost no one by her side? Same here!

She ended up hanging with ppl she never thought would hang out with her?? Omgs samesies!!!!!

At the end the reason why she got dumped didn't really justify it???? Omgs. Same!!!!

Now that she's back with the friend that dumped her she's anxious af and feels like it will suddenly happen again??? Dude. Same.

[wander-wren]

here’s my thing about proshipping, particularly in regards to the “well you can write that stuff to process trauma, but don’t fucking post it” argument. and i’m really just repeating what many, many others have said, but bear with me.

i don’t have sexual trauma (which is, 99% of the time, what this argument is about), so i can’t speak to that directly, but i do have traumas and coping mechanisms that some people think weird or off-putting or gross. i’m also someone who needs to talk about things with some kind of audience in order to process, whether that’s my therapist or my friends or—get this—fanfic readers. often, all three! max processing, baby!

but i’ve had people avoid responding when i bring certain things up, or outright say they can talk to me about some of my ~problems~, but not Those Ones. which is fine on its face, everyone is entitled to boundaries and in many cases they may simply not know what to say.

but it is deeply isolating to feel like there is a part of you unfit for public view. especially a part of you that you still want (need) to talk about in order to come to terms with it. so i can only imagine how it feels for some of the people arguments like these are attacking.

as long as there are warnings (and YES, “choose not to warn” is, in itself, adequate warning), there is no reason why any aspect of the human experience should have to be permanently hidden and undiscussed, no matter how uncomfortable its existence might make some random on the internet.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Kinda sick of the racism from nonblacks (i say nonblacks because it ain't just the whites tho it's mainly them!) in the spiderverse fandom because why does black ppl centering themselves in fiction (you know cuz we never can have ANYTHING) bother them so much??

"Hobie would choose a white girl over you" "why does miles have to be with someone black" "why does he always have to have a black reader" like Ummmm DO Y'ALL NOT HEAR HOW DUMB AND IGNORANT YOU SOUND?

We gotta gatekeep the black characters in this fandom until ppl know how to act right and stop getting besides themselves

PREACH!!!!!! CAUSE LIKE -- People out here are really disturbed that they *checks notes* were reminded black people exist? black people being found specifically attractive in a way whiteness is CONSTANTLY.

Anti-Blackness, Hobie, & The Black!Reader -

[A SHORT rant about people who have an issue with Black!Readers]

I ALWAYS find it where when people beef with Black people who want to date other Black people.

Because it's 100% racism.

If you think that a Black person dating only Black people is wrong - Anti-blackness is probably the root.

Just kidding it is the root its literally the only solution and explanation hehehe

Because as a trans person - when someone says they're T4T, everyone is fine with that.

Cis people can understand that they will never understand the trans experience, and that trans people may be attracted and want relationships with people who can understand on a personal level.

But when a Black Person say they're 'Black4Black' suddenly that's wrong?? We can't do that??

It's like non-whites cannot grasp that anti-black racism is a very VERY specific experience that we deal with all our lives and we may want partners that can not only support us but relate too. Partners we don't have to explain race shit too.

No- blackness is an experience that HAS to be available to them. Black people's experiences, minds and bodies HAVE to be available for there consumption or we're in the wrong.

We are either there to be consumed (like Hobie is) or ignored (like the Black!Reader is).

All my life I've seen the default OC and default reader be a white person. Readers that don't speak AAVE, that show no attempt at culture outside the 'normal' heteronormative American family.

And suddenly we try to change that for ourselves and that's not cool.

Also - people who say that about Hobie are just outright uneducated.

Hobie is from 1978.

Racial Discrimination in the UK was outlawed in 1965. Regardless of whether you think he's 16 or 19 - Hobie Brown grew up under racial segregation from ages 3-6.

He grew up seeing it - experiencing racism. Living with and being raised by and surrounded by a community of older black people who lived under segregation.

And even after the bill - Racist attitudes would still be surrounding him realistically speaking.

HE'S NOT FROM NOW.

Acting like Hobie has no opinions on that, or experiences, or coping mechanisms or TRAUMA from that - is fucked up.

That's black trauma LOOK AT IT.

So YEAH, A guy who grew up under segregation and a police state would have trauma from it.

But they (racists) wanna sidestep that.

They'll talk all day about Hobie's police related trauma - but not the race thing......okay. Okay, no it's fine. I'm fine.

The idea that Hobie might have unsavory experiences with race makes them uncomfortable. The idea that Hobie would seek out Black Spaces to GET AWAY from white people - makes them foam at the mouth.

Not all white people are racist - but a white person can never understand anti-black racism from a personal view the way Hobie or I or you do.

That's just a fact.

But the idea that there's a special outlet we alone understand about Hobie, and connect with him through, they dislike that.

Anti-Blackness. It's everywhere.

YOINK!! I'M TAKING HOBIE BACK TO THE ANCESTORS. LETS GO.

[funnier-as-a-system]

uhm, I'm not part of a system, but I use a person in my head who can take over for me and has their own personality as a coping mechanism, and I was talking about her to my brother cause they help so much and he said that I sounded like his ex who was part of a system so I did research and I experience practically no DID symptoms. So should I stop using it as a coping mechanism? Is that bad and mean to people actually parts of systems? And if it is okay, would it be bad to use things attributed to DID? (alter, headspace, host, etc) Cause I don't wanna harm people actually part of systems and make it seem like some quirky little thing, sorry for rambling a little I get rambley when I'm anxious

I don't mean to alarm you, so please imagine me saying this with a gentle tone, but what you're describing sounds exactly like a system. A system involves having multiple beings* sharing the same body, each with their own sense of self**, and typically being able to change who has control of their shared body (or "take over" as you put it).

* These "beings" can be persons, or referred to with other terms.

** I can't tell for certain based on your ask, but based on how you said she has her own personality, I find it likely that this person in your head has her own sense of self and considers herself to be her own person, since personality is generally understood to be part of one's self.

However, it sounds to me as though you don't believe this could be a system due to some misconceptions about systems. So, let's go over them.

Firstly, you don't need to have DID, or any disorder, to be a system. While having, quote, "two or more distinct personality states" (headmates, or in the case of how you described her and likely describe yourself, persons) is required to have DID, the reverse is not true; you don't need to have DID to have two or more distinct personality states. You don't need to fit the other criteria to be a system; you'd just need to fit the other criteria to have DID. You can experience this specific symptom of DID without experiencing any other. You can be a system without having DID.

Secondly, there are plenty out there without DID (or other disorders) who are still systems "as a coping mechanism", as you put it. They are known as non-disordered traumagenic or stressgenic systems, and their systems come from needing to cope with trauma and/or stress. Sometimes, these systems are even purposely created as an active coping mechanism, but other times they occur without any conscious choice. It sounds to me as though your system could very well come from similar origins, or at the very least, help you in similar ways.

Thirdly, while "alter" is generally associated with DID, as it comes from the medical term "alternate personality state", the other terms you mentioned have origins from other parts of the system community. "Headspace" is a term used by many regardless of status of system or singlet, and "host" has more roots in spiritual systems than psychological. You are free to use whatever terms you wish so long as you make sure you understand their definitions and associations, and are comfortable using them for yourself – for example, systems with spiritual origins are less likely to use the term "alter" due to its medical connotations making many systems of this type uncomfortable, but there are others who are fine with using it for themselves. There are other community terms that people misunderstand in this same way, so don't feel bad about this.

While most people hear of systems in association with DID, DID is not the only way to be a system. You can be a system and describe yourself with system terms without having DID. And on the flip side, some folks with DID choose not to describe themselves as systems or with system terminology! It all depends on the system/person/plural in question.

I'm not going to outright tell you that you are a system. But I urge you to consider where your rejection of the idea comes from, as it seems to me that it is coming from some easy to make misunderstandings about systems in general.

In short, no, you're not being offensive, bad, or mean for being like a system (or being a system outright) without having DID. You're far from alone in that boat, in fact, so don't worry about it. If this other person is helping you, there's no need to get rid of her – in fact, I'd discourage you from doing so on the possibility that she is her own headmate, as repressing or ignoring one's system generally makes things worse. Instead, I'd recommend gently exploring the possibility of being a system, perhaps looking into the created system side of the community to see if anything resonates with you or if there are resources you would find helpful. My own system found many resources from that sub-community that we found helpful when we were first discovering our plurality, and we thought we were only traumagenic back then!

It's alright to be anxious. But I promise, the only people who would get pissed at you for using system terminology or being like a/a system without having DID are generally people you'd want to avoid anyway. If having a coping mechanism of another person in your head who can take over your body sometimes is improving your life – well, I think it'd just be hypocritical, rude, and pointless of me to tell you off for that!

Hope this helps!

[inconspicious-random-thoughts]

Lately I’ve been thinking about everyone’s favorite pyromaniac Cherri Bomb. The Addict video gave us a glimpse of her former partner/ex Izzi, who was implied to have been her Valentino. “Welcome To Heaven” showed us that Cherri has some extremely unhealthy coping mechanisms that she initially tried to rope Angel into to help deal with his trauma with Val (excessive drinking and drug use), and didn’t seem to comprehend how bad this was for him until he vocally affirmed his commitment to redemption. I have to wonder if this was just Cherri being Cherri, or if it was something that she learned from Izzi, who may have convinced her to indulge in excessive hedonism to get around having to actually address her issues in a healthy way (as some abusers tend to do to maintain control over their victims).

Hello, my friend.

I haven't placed much thought into Cherri backstory. I think the difference between Cherri situation with Izzi compared to Angels with Val, is Cherri still owns her soul-probably. But Angel and Cherri probably bonded by the shitty people in their lives and coping with drugs to numb the pain and forget how miserable they are.

Not knowing much about the characters it a little hard to guess why Cherri stay with Izzi if he bad news. Cherri seems too independent, carefree, and confident to hint she being taken advantage of.

But, she might be similar to Angel and that personality is a facade. A mask she puts on. But if there is a reason why Cherri stays/returns to Izzi, I am guessing she believe its love. Izzy probably came along not long after Cherri fell. Making most of her time in Hell with Izzy. She choose Izzi when he sounded like he can offer a Heaven in Hell to her. He said things that Cherri soul craved for, offer to ease her burdens. He felt like a soul mate. But the fantasy he gave slowly chipped away. So slowly that it went unnoticed until it was gone. He'll offer crumbs of that fantasy life that Cherri ate up. She believed there be more not realizing she be starved before she'll get fed. Not realizing she hungry for nourishment because Izzi fed her empty calories of drugs and other forms of escapism. Drugs taken too often to realize her feeling good while being with Izzi was drug induced then genuine, and too high to notice.

However, I think she did woke up for the dream turned nightmare and left. But Izzi influence still impactful to her.

We get to meet Cherri in the pilot. I was excited to meet her again in episode 6. But oh, she made me so mad! She was so pushy trying to enable Angel back into drugs.

In retrospect, Cherri probably didn't realize Angel started to get more committed with the hotel, especially with Husk involvement. Angel probably needed a friend who he felt safe with and confined in. Which Cherri is...but her company typically involved drugs and partying. Husk offered the same friend service as Cherri but minus the drugs and more of a perceptive voice of reason. Husk service is more in align of Angel commitment to the hotel.

But back to Cherri. Pilot we learn Angel been "mostly clean" for two weeks when Cherri asked where hes been. Angel ranting on how lame everything is now for basically to have a free place to crash. Not at all imply he taking it seriously, because at this point...he wasn't.

So fast forward to Episode 6. I can see Cherri probably figured Angel was clean because of the hotels policy that he has blown off before....not realizing Angel was actually trying to be be clean because he wanted to.

So when she overheard him talk with Val...and shit..Angel must be serious to go up against Val like that. She backed off and respected his choice and offer herself whenever Angel needed her as a friend while trying to remove herself from tempting Angle to her parting ways.

Then she shows up again in episode 8 to risk her soul to back Angel up against exorcist. Like Holy shit thats huge. She has nothing to gain beside keeping her friends safe and a lot to lose. That says a lot about her character.

Returning back to her enabling Angel that night. You are probably right with being Cherri coping mechanism. She knows what makes her feel better, even if temporary, and she trying to share it with Angel after his long hard day. Which she knows, is his coping ways too. She was genuinely trying to help Angel. They cant do shit to solve the problem. The problem being Val and his contract. So what do you do when you can't solve a problem or make it better? You try to forget it until you have to face it again. So Cherri try helping by giving him an escape and a night free of consequences and letting loose. A technique that seems very on par on something Cherri would do if she can't solve something by blowing it up.

Crazy idea just came. I don't think this would be canon but it be interesting. What if they were a young married couple while alive. They both Australian look somewhat similar to each other. Perhaps they had a bombing accident that killed them both. Which is why their Hell bodies are similar? Cherri sticking with Izzy because wouldn't you want some sense of familiarity if you suddenly and tragically died and wind up in Hell. Even if their marriage was hitting rocks, and couldn't trust him completely....its better to have one person she can somewhat trust when she first fell. Trust how he think and react etc. It was a sense of some normalcy despite being in Hell. Izzy constantly reminding her that she's his wife. She probably left after they had a argument. Bitterly saying "Til death do us part" as she reflected on the fight...to suddenly realized...they are technically not married anymore since they died. So she left.

What be funny if they both fell and immediately starting to fight like an old married couple.

"What the shit is this?" *looks around the hellish hell...Both spotting each other...who sounded familiar and somewhat look familiar despite their new forms. They called each other human names questionly.

"What the fuck happened. Where are we..?" Million of questions fly to their heads. They both nearly hyperventilation as they try to figure out this nightmare. They try to recall the last thing they remember....they accidently blown themselves out.

"I told you not to buy those cheap ass bombs! The quality is shit!"

"I told you those fuses look short!"

They continue to bicker until another sinner/demon looms over them looking threatening. The two reconcile for now to go somewhere safe and rely on each other.

[cere-mon-ials]

2023 in kdramas

*that i finished

**in order of how deep and lasting the brainrot was/is from barely a smidge to stitched to my soul

[12] I figured See You In My 19th Life would be trying when I couldn’t understand why an extraordinary individual in her 18th life—18 incredible lives lived over some of history’s most happening centuries—would fixate on one pesky schoolboy. I bought it because (a) Shin Hye-sun was selling it (b) the show tried to make it clear that while she remembered her past lives, it is not the same as living the one she is in. So when the young Ju-won meets Seo-ha, she is still a 12-year-old who happens to fall for a 9-year-old, except she has heightened emotional maturity.

The plot follows Ju-won, who is reincarnated as Ban Ji-eum, her 19th life after her 18th was cut short in a car accident with Seo-ha. Then, the show fumbles its own logic, unable to choose if the real gift is living in the present or remembering how we got there. We are told that Ji-eum is determined to fix the life she didn’t get to live as Ju-won and because Ju-won’s family and Seo-ha are still alive, that’s who she seeks out. She also finds a dear one from her 17th life. The twist is that the 18th life was meant to be a fated reincarnation of two lovers, who in their time—the first life—were wronged. In the end, when the sins are atoned for, Ji-eum loses the memories of her past lives. She is Ji-eum, smart and talented, daughter of an abusive man and born destitute, free of karmic obligations. But who is this Ji-eum? Who does she love? Why are the memories of everyone who knew her as the extraordinary Ju-won/Ji-eum so valuable and hers isn’t? Milquetoast writing and a genuine lack of interesting characters in the rest of the show.

[11] I didn’t finish the first season of Dr. Romantic because I had a violent reaction (derogatory) to Yoo Yeon-seok’s character. I went straight to the additional episode ft. Kim Hye-soo who is ~flails~ and warmed up to this fantastic ensemble, thanks to a YYS-less sequel. Season 3 is ambitious and follows the raggity crew of overworked doctors in a country hospital now coping with its expansion into an elite trauma centre. The show does neither this premise nor the incredible cast they managed to bring back together (at least four of who could demand three times what they were paid in S2) any real justice. It had all the ingredients and an emotional core that is most pleasing to me. Seriously, it was so good: in reaching for the Michelin stars of healthcare, ostensibly Kim Sabu’s legacy, both he and his colleagues find that they may need to reassess what he taught them. Look at the implications. Doldam is a hospital that has run for two seasons on the strength of close-knit interpersonal relationships in ways (some might accuse) hazardous to professional codes. Something's gotta give.

DRR S3 does not trust the emotional tensions that these ideas can provoke and instead, throws in spectacle after spectacle. A bloodbath on a ship carrying illegal migrants, a raging forest fire, a building collapse. And there are villains, written as yangs to yings, in a main character's father played by an actual trash person, and then groan a politician. I mean, the vagaries of ill fortune and death is right there. Isn’t that enough? Makes you wonder just how did Lee-Shin partnership accomplish what they did with HosPlay. Someone who loves DRR’s characters will sit through it. But it’s junk food.

[10] Lee Bo-young is a force in Agency. It's a tried and tested formula: a brilliant creative person with abandonment issues in fantastic clothes. I enjoyed the snippy dialogues, peppered with refreshing metaphor and irony reminiscent of vintage Hollywood flicks. The writing isn’t confident about what it wants to say about an ambitious single woman in a workplace (and other women too including working mothers, women who find no need in dressing up to do their jobs, expert women who still have to struggle when they want to build something). But perhaps you, like me, can let it pass. It is not ideal to fetch a real answer to women’s struggles amidst capitalist excess.

[9] Our Blooming Youth begins with a cursed prince (Park Hyung-sik) and a noblewoman (Jeon So-nee) accused of murdering her entire family joining hands to free each other. Lurking behind is a national conspiracy spearheaded by several degenerate officials who wish to erase a people and their history—interesting that OBY and My Dearest later in the year featured the most marginalised being branded as traitors. The prince and noblewoman (cross-dressed as a eunuch of course) are joined by four young individuals who feel a sense of duty. I adored this band and their shenanigans. The show is kind to the youth in question, to their capacity to chase freedom and friendship. I was moved by such love for characters in this story about nationhood as an ongoing project.

But enjoying OBY means reading in between the lines because the show doesn’t know what to do with its 20-episode length or the depth of its interest in the scars of unacknowledged genocide. I felt impatient and unfulfilled more times than I’d like. I wish OBY was more meaty because it had the opportunity to be radical and chose to be inoffensive. Hyung-sik, very dear to me. So-nee, GOSH. I have loved her since Encounter (2018) and she fills a frame like nobody’s business. If there is such a thing as female gaze, she’s got it. I caught her in the little I watched of Soulmate (2023) recently. A marvel, just like Kim Da-mi.

[8] One Day Off is whimsical and celebrates the mundane in eight chapters following the wanderings of a school teacher, played by the luminous Lee Na-young. Japanese entertainment does discovering minor joys and its everydayness so well that it’s a genre in itself. I have seen it in a handful Korean variety shows too. As a drama, this is new to me and ODO felt special. It giveth in multitudes taking us to a monastery, an art exhibit, a film festival, a planetarium, many bakeries. At other times, it puts us in the middle of a rainy day and ancestral rites and a bus station where the teacher is stuck with condescending boomers. It's lovely.

[7] King The Land benefitted from low expectations of prestige. Junho lovers were tuning in to see him frolic after his Baeksang-winning performance as King Jeongjo, I can’t speak for Yoon-A lovers. The makers wanted to bank on these beloved actors and there is minimal friction between who they are and what they play on-screen. Junho, handsome, rich, kind. Yoon-A, pretty, hardworking, warm. There is a good chance that this show was part of a joint marketing campaign by Dior and Estee Lauder. And also, possibly, Thailand's tourism department. KTL is classic popcorn, easy on the eyes, easy on the mind (save for that irritatingly stupid arc with the ‘Arab prince’), designed to be innocuous. Here’s the thing, though: the cast and crew were not messing around with that dough. They chose to inject this fan + consumer service with an earnest desire to entertain missers of fluff romance. Lee Junho, permanent resident of my heart.

[6] Going in with low expectations helped when I watched My ID is Gangnam Beauty too. Kang Mi-rae is starting college with a new face, having shed her old one at the surgeon’s table because of life-long bullying at being conventionally unattractive. But Mi-rae now has to deal with gossip and judgement about the extents she has gone for what’s deemed as a vanity project. When Mi-rae says that it matters what people think of her, I can't object. It’s because Gangnam Beauty tells a story about familiar feelings and yet, it is also defiantly about Mi-rae. You can walk with her but you’re aware that not all of us walk in her precise shoes, and it’s not about measuring who’s having it worse either. I loved watching her settle into her skin, remaining compassionate in whatever is the opposite of noble idiocy.

Very sweet romance. I may not have noticed Cha Eun-woo if I hadn’t been derailed to the hilt by him in Island—also a show I finished but you will not find it on this list For Reasons.

[5] I wanted to love My Dearest a lot more. It was promising what with Namgoong Min as the perfect Lee Jang-hyun and Ahn Eun-jin as the perfect Yoo Gil-chae. NGM’s ability to smirk in a way that elicits both a punch and a blush is unparalleled. He owns the role of clever playboy merchant who sees the rules of polite society as impositions and who values human life above platitudes. AEJ's Gil-chae is stubborn and witty and audacious and has no interest in anything that distracts her from her desires. I loved them, and that became one of my problems when Part 1 ended. NGM is the perfect Jang-hyun and AEJ is the perfect Gil-chae but I wasn’t able to root for their romance. I never quite got over how the desire that they shared, which war put a damper on before it got a chance to bloom, gets cheapened at the end of Part 1—please read @elderflowergin's excellent post about this. In Part 2, that conversation isn’t adequately addressed but I was there to watch these two actors earn their Baeksang nominations. I found myself willing to move with the tides when Jang-hyun and Gil-chae let each other in after they learn to devote themselves to the people who make their community.

I cannot fault MD, however, on its commentary about how war disrupts ordinary life. There is nothing more moving in the show than the Joseon slaves in Qing singing their songs and harvesting rice, yearning for home while the King and his scholars commit to preserving standing and write these countrymen off. It’s a sharp critique of an upper class that delude themselves about their importance. MD is courageous enough to say that the nation does owe something to its people and the nation must prove itself worthy of sacrifice before it can demand such a thing. I haven’t stopped feeling the pangs of this love letter to a people and their land. The first seven episodes, set during the invasion and in the early days of the Joseon surrender, is real television. It’s what I watch sageuks for.

What else? Great telling of Crown Prince So-hyeons’s story. Lee Chung-ah is captivating. MD would have risen in my heart and on this list if it were more attentive to Ryang-eum. Double amnesia was comically exhausting to watch but I do feel generous now. The first time round Jang-hyun regains his memory because of a tangible article that proved Gil-chae’s love for him. The second time he traces back the arc of his life that spawned enduring memories of love and dreams. He’s not looking to retrieve what he doesn’t know he has lost. He knows he has lost and he is piecing together what he can. That’s a bold note to conclude on by makers who have risen to question the state of a nation in the hands of incompetence and cruelty and obscene pride. The racism is unsurprising—I wish this meant that I had better tolerance for it. I also wish the story knew better than to push Eun-hye to the sidelines. My favourite scene is Gil-chae finding Jang-hyun clawing to life by a string on a pile of corpses and proceeding to play dead while holding him tight to escape.

[4] I kept tuning in to Moving week after week despite my reservations about high school life, superheroes, and gore because it is a feat of storytelling. A rewarding first act, an absorbing second, and a near perfect third. It’s a compelling story on its own about superhero parents who will go to any lengths to protect their superhero children. But it’s also poignant in how it tackles passive peace.

Critiques of the state’s abuse of power often turn fangless in the face of this idea about national security, the notion that secures our future. Writers fumble because they feel forced to provide an alternative: how else do we protect what we must? Moving kills the question by letting you see past that what (national security) and takes you to a who (our children, our literal future). It dismantles the illusions with its central stage as a highly-surveilled school where undercover secret agents observe and train gifted children. The litmus test isn’t going to be the abstraction of a nation. It’s going to be whether our children can grow up, can learn, can be free to be who they want to be, irrespective of talents they may or may not possess.

A state which can’t imagine freedom as such is a failed state and a failed state resorts to joining hands with those who have every interest in keeping us from seeing that we do in fact want the same things as our neighbours. The real world bleeds in when the story of two Koreas becomes apparent. It’s acutely observed in a way that’s trope-y but perhaps not untrue. But the show is more interested in the shared Koreanness, in their love for their children, and for the unimpeachable desire to make their lives better.

Park Hee-soon had me hugging myself from his first frame to the last. Electrifying performance. Han Hyo-joo, oh my god.

[3] My Lovely Boxer was made for me. It’s about Gwon-sook (Kim So-hye), a boxing prodigy who disappeared from public eye after failing to show up for a championship game and Tae-young (Lee Sang-yeob), a ruthless sports agent at the cross hairs of matchfixing. Tae-young has messes to clean, payments to make, and he finds Gwon-sook to bring her back to the limelight for one final game to lose. Gwon-sook wants nothing to do with the sport and Tae-young promises that if disappearing for good is what she wants, then this plan would work for her too. It’s exactly as angsty as it sounds.

The show works because it doesn’t touch a thing that it isn’t willing to gnaw into. It doesn’t merely dangle matchfixing as plot omen—it explores the emotional and economic damages for the sportsmen with heft. Gwon-sook feels no love for boxing but she isn’t the only boxer in the world and that feeling is hardly universal. One of my favourite characters this year is Ah-reum, the opponent of that championship game for which Gwon-sook didn’t show up. That day, Gwon-sook may have chosen to leave the game for self-preservation but she also took away Ah-reum’s right to fair play. MLB is at its best when it navigates Gwon-sook seeking Ah-reum’s forgiveness because therein lies sportsmanship and what it means to tirelessly push your body for a shot at the ring. It’s an exhilarating journey with these two girls because (a) you want Ah-reum to have her moment (b) you don’t want Gwon-sook to lose and let the matchfixing bookers pocket money (c) you begin to wish Gwon-sook could win because she is too good. The stakes are delicious because the bookers are also a tad bit murderous and the final match had me at the edge of my seat.

Lee Sang-yeob was a shock to my system with his intense stare and a thespian interpretation of a man in shades of grey. Sexy bitch. I want to see Kim So-hye and Shin Se-kyung play sisters one day.

[2] Into The Ring tops my list of kdrama romcoms. Nana is a star and the fact that Se-ra cannot walk straight to save her life makes me giggle. She is blunt in the wrong ways, sharp in the wrong ways, and honest in all the right ways. Her heart is big and she has a sense of service to the people around her as though she really believes she was raised by a village. I loved Se-ra’s parents who reminded me of my own in their warmth and clownery. Park Sung-hoon’s Gong-myung is the dream guy: competent at work, loser in everything else. There’s only one kind of valid workplace romance and it’s this: accidentally becoming an elected representative and your childhood nerd friend volunteering to be your secretary to cover your ass. Perfect, no notes.

I happened to be reading Sara Ahmed’s Complaint! around the same time and I think it made me love the show's take on political action more. This is where Se-ra begins, just her and her complaint diary. That early episode where it dawns on her that she wants this job as much as she needs it got to me. There’s much to love in a show that is okay with however small a population she represents, as long as they are fun about joy and serious about justice.

[1] At the outset, Call It Love sounded like the makjang I avoid—a relationship between a woman and the son of her father’s mistress? Turns out, it's possible to tell that story like an accomplished spare poem with meticulously composed frames overdoing headroom and pared down dialogues. In effect, CIL is beautiful to look at and inviting to spend time with. This is kdrama caviar. Debut writer Kim Ga-eun has a gift for writing loneliness and solitude as not mutually exclusive to being a loved and loving person. She’s drawn comparisons to the extraordinary Park Hae-young who is the master at this sorcery. To my mind, the comparisons hold merit in subject but they operate with different intentions and styles. I hope they meet one day and I get to be a fly on the wall.

I was struck by how Lee Sung-kyung played Woo-joo as the responsible middle child, the one most burdened by the timing of her family’s collapse. The show is about her revenge but often, you see her struggle with the coldness this demands of her. She cannot resist what comes easiest to her and that’s her ability to see people having bad times as a reflection of the times, not the people. It's why she can forgive the aggrieved man who harms her, and why she tidies Dong-jin’s ex’s house while the ex is recouping from the heartbreak of losing the same man she is falling in love with.

No one has gotten the allure of the quiet guy, the shy guy, the good guy who is too awkward to be nice like Kim Young-kwang has. Dong-jin knows he has to work very hard to keep up with the pace of the world. He knows his mind but is afraid to impose it, because he doesn’t think it matters and because he doesn’t want to be a bother. Young-kwang just gets that line between clarity and low-esteem. I will never forget his teary eyes and total submission to loving Woo-joo in the single word he lets out with a hitched exhale. He slouches a lot but he will look you in the eye when he has to say something he doesn’t want to repeat. I loved him for that dignity. Special kisses to him for ditching neck ties.

It is true pleasure to see two male leads, majestic and towering in physique, composed to look tiny and frail. At one point, the costume department steps up Woo-joo’s wardrobe as her feelings intensify and it doesn't come across as a makeover. It is presented as the ordinary consequence of paying attention. I loved everything and everyone. The siblings. The ex-girlfriend, the bad mother and also, the generous & kinda clueless one. The stepfather who lingered, the best friends, the loyal & competent manager lady. Favourite kiss.

*

I am currently watching four dramas: A Good Day To Be A Dog (cute & fun), My Demon (silly & fun), Park's Marriage Contract (testing my patience), and Tell Me That You Love Me (relishing but for some reason not investing). I missed Not Others and The Eighth Sense when they were airing and they are the two shows from 2023 that I am adding to my watchlist. I am looking forward to 2024 because we seem to be getting at least one release from several greats and beauties. See you then! I hope no one emails you for the rest of the year and you eat well.

[system-of-a-feather]

A Routine Self-Care / Healing Thing I Do

(And have done for a while. I'm mostly sharing it because I was thinking about it and its relation to other values and thoughts I have and felt like sharing it)

Temporarily denying access to a main coping tool

It sounds counter intuitive, but every so often - either when I want to develop myself more or when I feel like I am stuck for no particular reason and thus feeling as though my life has grown dull and empty - I look at what I spend most of my time doing, particularly to relax, and I say "hey for the next week, we aren't going to do that. Its still there, but that action is off limits" and I choose to limit the usage of whatever I usually spend my time doing

It can cause some stress and so I don't push myself to abide by it 100%, but I try to stick to it when I can, because I often find that when a dominating coping mechanism and time sink is removed, there opens up a vacuum and that vacuum serves to provide a lot of opportunity to introduce new habits, new skills, and see life in a more creative and open manner.

It causes a mild amount of adjustment stress, but so long as the coping mechanism is still there to return to (and you let yourself dabble if it ever gets too stressful with the interest of still minimizing usage) that adjustment stress is a small payment for experiencing new things and being able to expand the things that you can self sooth with.

Not only is this helpful for having diversified coping strategies and introducing healthier habits, but it also practices and helps reinforce to the emotional / trauma brain that sometimes when things that we love and are used to regularly using to sooth aren't available, that we are okay and able to manage with other coping tools - including ones we haven't acquired. It reinforces the idea that even without our familiar coping tools, the world has a lot of things out there that can fill the role as something soothing.

And when you practice the unavailability of preferred coping tools in a space where they aren't ACTUALLY 100% unavailable, you can practice and develop the tolerance to that lack of access in a space where you still have control how much you can tolerate

Then, when life makes it so that something you prefer to cope with is unavailable, you have built up a better relationship with yourself, the world, and coping to feel a little more safe waiting until your preferred coping is available again; because you do this regularly when the access is in your hands. You've survived it multiple times, because its just part of your daily life and practice. Sometimes you don't have what you usually use to meet your needs, and that's okay. There's plenty in the world out there.

[tic-toc-clock77]

Alfred's Playhouse and the portrayal of trauma and abuse. -A rant

Cw: Nazism, trauma

Let's get this out of the way, I don't support Emily's Nazism and I think it's an awful 'coping mechanism' but I can understand to a degree how she ended up here.

Her traumas were NOT dealt with properly and it led her to an awful place, as much as she didn't believe it's a problem. I do feel bad for her.

I think with proper help she could've been a much better person by now but unfortunately, that's not how she chooses to live and there's nothing anyone can really do about that through the internet.

On the side of the 'Fandom' for Alfred's Playhouse.

It's gross, first off, to make a fandom out of something that's so incredibly personal even if it was put onto the internet and turn it into a joke. I'm more than well aware that Emily doesn't mind the idea of a fandom for Alfred's Playhouse and I can respect THAT but people take it very far.

I can absolutely understand relating to it or wanting to research it. As somebody with traumas and who has written some very personal things based on my traumas and experiences with PTSD and obsession, I've researched Alfred's Playhouse and taken even some inspiration from it to collect my own thoughts about my issues and make something creative with it.

However, I fear making something so personal just to have it turned and morphed into something that people call "silly:3" and "cute", that is what makes me sick about the 'fandom' for this show. This fandom took what could be a learning experience and tried to turn into something it's really not.

But, that's just my two cents on this topic

I understand making jokes about your OWN trauma, I do sometimes when I'm comfortable around people but it's different when it's somebody ELSE'S life and traumas.

That said, I think the portrayal of trauma and the effects that Alfred experiences are very relatable; the scrambled thoughts, the urgency to harm yourself to reach out for help (I never personally did when I was in the thick of it due to fear of my family possibly finding out) but all of it is well made and very true.

With that, I don't like people calling the show itself disgusting for its portrayals. I think the Nazism is disgusting and those themes within the show were too but full disclosure, it was all, I believe anyway, could be taken as cries for help. The entire thing was a reflection, a closure maybe. I don't truly know what Emily was thinking...

[celestialtarot11]

Small astro observations Pt 2 ✈️

Capricorn moon children like being alone at their younger years 4-10 years old. I notice as they reach around 11-17 most of them are chaotic and unhinged in a hilarious way. It could be due to their trauma and how they choose to cope with it, via humor. This side of them lessens as they grow older, its not visible as much as it used to be. Same for Capricorn suns.

Gemini moon paired with Leo and pisces in big three: likes being mysterious, even mannerisms match this mysterious personality. I have a friend who does not like to give any information of herself to anyone. Its very hard to understand her because she pushes everyone away, and buries herself in work. Due to her Leo rising, she has a high status in university being that she is an Residential Advisor, and participates in numerous events for campus. She has shown me her schedule and every week she is booked with appointments. I know her gemini moon self wants to talk 😭

When sun and moon match, its either heaven or hell. Or both, making it complicated. I’ve noticed when the relationship is going well, aspects are highlighted very well with this astrological aspect. Its easier to get to know one another, it feels natural and easy. It’s harmonious. However, when the relationship turns petty, bitter, and heavy for whatever reason, aspects are heavily affected. Very easy for both people to get aggravated at one another, one upping is very common, and it seems like the two are so similar that they resent it, and hide from that truth, or one may hide. It reveals a lot of petty behavior and egotistical issues.

8th house transits are very deep psychologically and invoke changes mentally, physically, and spiritually. Mine starts around October, which is libra season. My best friend has libra in the 8th house, so do I, and we both are undergoing transformations psychologically. It’s very interesting, because she never worked with angels before and during her 8th house transit, she is considering them and is planning to get closer to faith.

If anyone else has anything else to share please do 🤍✨ like, comment and reblog! Thank you.

[checkadii]

i see ur tags. rubs my gay little hands together. please discuss ur tma au (also ur writing is superb very evocative we love vash and his uncanny-ness)

I opened the ask while going down the stairs and almost tripped I’m ngl . ANAYYAS. YOU BOTH

IVE JUST BEEN HAVING LIKE. A RANDOM SPUR OF THOUGHTS ABT IT . Abt the possible setting mostly

Okay

Cause like,,, WE HAVE TALKED ABT THIS BEFOR EI REMEMBER YOUR REBLOGS REESE if we’re thinking of the au taking place . A LOT of the characters have high potentials to be slaughter avatars, especially those in the ghg and that’s just. Simply because on no man’s land violence is just expected, especially with a profession they have

So. A more,,, “normal” setting could open for possibilities. Normal as in “modern” even though trigun takes place in some fuck off future far from ours I’m pretty sure😭 Like . Say Midvalley. Slaughter w the guy who plays MUSIC? ANDDD USES IT FOR VIOLENCE? That’s a pair baby!!

Put him in a relatively safer world where the ghg aren’t a group of assassins but something else. maybe they don’t even exist. Where he’s just some guy.

The way we view fear in tma is somethjfn to think abt, heavy on avatarhood here, I like to think of it as like,,, fear has dug it’s claws into you, has become you / one with you / overtaken you whatever, and now you have to live with it, and the avatarhood is how you cope with that, what you choose to do with this fear . Does that make sense. a mark is the trauma be it physical or mental, and Becoming is wielding it, maybe accepting it intimately

So, say. Back to Midvalley right. What do we know of him other than this violence. That he was a killer way before the ghg. What other than the slaughter. We have widderwally nothifn

WHICHHH IS WHY ITS SUCH. A THING TO THINK ABT! On a setting that isn’t no man’s land, and a “modern”/“normal” setting that doesn’t involve the ghg being assassins, what can he be! What can any of the characters be! What can we take from their character and personality and gauge a fear that could be their drive that doesn’t stem from survival! (I think buried web Midvalley might be cool tbh . no I can’t elaborate)

Milly and Meryl being eye-hunt is. Well. Points at them and their entirety. Mostly to me is that what they do well, but I really want to think about what could’ve made them become, does your main fear have to be the thing. What am I saying

Like mike. Our pal mike crew our buddy our chummy guy. He was mainly hunted by the Lichtenberg spiral figure right. Like yes he was struck by the vast but . Gragh I hate that they’re categorized like that when they are technically one

Also. Snort. Janemike appearance

Anyways . I lost the plot in my head ERM

Milly and Meryl being eye hunt …. They can be archivists. Together. As a treat I think. Imagine them being archivists in any setting pspsps

They both are witness to the various bullshit on Vash’s journey, have seen sorrow, pain, enlightenment, god knows what, destruction. They have also seen happiness, comfort, calmer times. Rare as it can be. They’ve seen secrets shared histories laid bare they’ve made themself present for a LOT. witness . eye. yk. does any of this make sense. also fits w their reporter occupations

the hunt part,,, well. they’re constantly on a trail, right . constantly chasing after a target (cough) . And that could be played into the eye’s tendency and urge to know, but their synchronicity i think is also important,,, they’ve got each other’s backs and know this, able to cover up where one falls short (like that time! W that guy who straight up tried to kill vash! And Meryl was held at gunpoint very unimpressed then Milly shoots her stun gun!) Peas in a pod, a pack, stronger in number. That kind of thing!

Also because. I think Milly’s scary perception CAN BE A THJNG. IT SHOULD BE. PELASE. and her monthly (POINTS AT YOU REESE)!!! Little reports, documentations . In a way!!! ya know!!

whichiswhyeyehuntissuchacombo.ok.itslikeapackagedeal

okay buried wolfwood. Loud wheezing

Once again, if we throw away the eom and ghg. Wolfwood would grow up relatively . Aight. to just Be some guy . All of these characters could! Without the constant fight for survival and constant high stakes most of not all of them would straight up just. Chill. Mostly. Probably. Idk. They literally could have the potential to be marked by ANYTHING and become avatars of ANYTHING at that point. Maybe. IDK

Buried wolfwood … burdened and chained down by fear, by his mission, drowning in the sticky river of the blood of his targets … he plays the devil. yk. while his heart cries out. his shoulders are heavy with a role a mask a title he does not want but his feet are planted firmly on the stage he has been set on . Boxed in. Midvalley and Hoppered went against their role, and they ended up. Well. Not well! He knows he’s stuck

The Punisher weighs on him, his sins, his wrong doings, all the things that he fiercely believes can’t be redeemed, and he doesn’t try to claw his way up and off and out the stage, he lets himself sink deeper into it, clings onto it even, because if he does otherwise, then. What else does he have, right?

Buried because HOOOWEEE I think buried mark works well for him, and Buried because being an avatar of the buried works. Vibes I’m going off vibes I’m afraid. I also really love the buried SHOUTOUT TO FOREVER DEEP BELOW CREATION THE TOO CLOSE I CANNOT BREATHE I LOVE YOUUU

And now that he’s been dragged even deeper because of his mission to escort vash. Yea. He knowsss there isn’t an outttt of this . He’s deep in both his belief, and his torment . I need to furiously throw something at him

VAST DESOLATION VASH TIME EVERYONE HEAR ME OUT. OKAY

wow we’ve gone from “I’ve been thinking abt the setting” laid back leaning against my pillow to “OKAY CHARACTERS” locking in leaning forward I’m

Again. It would be silly to think abt how not having factors like the general plot of the manga or being put in a normal setting would change what avatar he could be . Because w/o finding out about Tesla, the story wouldn’t have been as it is right

But like. It is what it is so. What is it. Take a shot everytime I say is. That’s another shot

The vasts whole gig involves the fear of insignificance, of falling, of areas or things you can’t quite navigate or comprehend, of heights, depth, infinity, the ocean, the open waters. right. Idk I’m like constantly cross referencing the wiki for both tma and trigun LMAOO I think the buried and vast should kiss (grabs vw

The way characters reacted to vash being pseudo immortal —

Oh my god I’ve been typing for an hour. Okay. This isn’t even much I’ve straight up just sat there staring blankly at my phone doing nothing except moving to type for an hour okay

Right. When faced with something whose entire being is just so unknown, so incomprehensible to you, you can’t help but just . Feel sorta insignificant right . Cant help but wonder and think . Vash has that effect. To me. People who know of his true nature can’t even begin to fathom what he has seen, what he has lived through, what exists far beyond the scope of their human lives. His entire existence can’t be fully explained in words, experiences and memories simply too. badumtsh vast

ialsothinkthatarchivistvashwouldgoHARDletstalkabtthat

ARCHIVIST VASH. HEAAAR ME OUT. he’s literally a walking record of times past, of the history of gunsmoke . His instinctive goofy act and downplay of literslly everything about him, the fear of being perceived in ways that could possibly be used and turned against him rihjt.

He has encountered man at their highest and low, has been witness to achievements, to starts and to ends of all kinds of multitudes, has been the canvas to slaughter, has been the focus of eyes, the target of hunts, buried by the ideals he sworn to live by (WHICH . NOW THJNK ABOUT HIM KILLINF LEGATO. NOW.), he’s seen the darkest sides of the planet and man seen what lurks in the shadows, masters escaping because of the situations that became too much, finds himself on the brink of spiral and clutches onto that brink, walked a long lonely road as people come and inevitably go, found himself stuck in a web that he spun and that others spin, has found himself surrounded by destruction, desolation, the fear of his own flesh, of his own body, idkhowtoworkcorruptionintothis, the uncertainty of his own existence, an oddity, jsut soemthinf off, uncanny valley in a sea of faces,

OR SOMETHINF. I DONT KNWO

okay kicks archivist vash off the table back to vast desolation

The desolation part o think js. Pretty self explanatory. He is grief and destruction, is literally called the humanoid typhoon, diablo. Surrounding him is nothing close to semblance of peace and safety , the trail he leaves behind is naught but that of loss, promises of vengeance. Ig. Yk. Shrug emoji

Vash’s staunch pacifist nature clashes against this . Colossal all encompassing force that is him . Nuclear baby or whatever. I need to shut up

. Extinction knives ….

I’m running out of typing juice GELP

Knives’ actions that led to the great fsll is. Without the great fall plants would’ve probbalt not been exploited to the extent they were because people wouldn’t have been forced to run them to the ground while they scramble for survival on a planet as gunsmoke

In a way, the “end/extinction” of his plant kin was caused by him. which. is

right so we agree that knives anger and hatred comes from fear right. Like. It’s how he copes. What he chooses to do with this fear. channels it into a weapon

The discovery of Tesla ,,, do you think after waking up he thought about seeing vash in that pod . Or seeing his withered crumbling body broken into pieces through eyes that float outside his skull.

So. To protect those he love from that fate, he has to erase the other factor from the equation right. Change the outcome. Drastically

The great fall was a sharp veer off course for humans, and what follows is scrambling for order

Knives embodies the extinction by trying to change that order. I thjnk . Yk. I’m. Okay I’m actually out of juice my brain is slow like. Like molasses dripping off a spoon (said in Tommy Coolatta’s voice)

Team rocket is blasting off aga💥

[seventeenlovesthree]

so, apparently there's plenty of death symbolism/metaphors surrounding, are you interested in elaborating that? including "indirect" death like spiritual death, character assassination or death of identity, somethjng along those lines?

- death symbolism surrounding Taichi, sorry, somehow I pressed ask , sorry for my blunder

It's fine, no worries, I already assumed that it was referring to Taichi! If you think about it, several characters in Digimon Adventure have been dealing with the subject of "death" one way or another, most in direct association with someone (human or Digimon) close to them.

Now, if we look at our favourite main character, riddled with traumatic childhood experiences and questionable coping mechanisms, there is a bunch of instances where he had to deal with the potential of death happening in front of him or CAUSING death himself - either to others or himself -, so it should not be surprising that, at some point, he may have dissociated himself (mostly subconsciously, I'd say) from being a Chosen Child. Whiiiich may or may not have led to Kizuna's events, but yeah, it's count the instances first, shall we. TW: death, mental health.

The whole Hikarigaoka incident: While Hikari was scared too, she was still much younger than him and couldn't grasp the implications of what was happening there, while Taichi did EVERYTHING in his power to protect her and himself from not getting crushed by the two Kaijus in front of them.

Him almost causing Hikari to die due to his (still existing) sense of childlike innocence: Yes, she was sick, but he thought she was already on the way to recovery and only took her to play football to cheer her up. That's where he first had to face that good intentions don't always lead to positive outcomes...

The SkullGreymon fiasco: Again, he intended to do good for the sake of the group, but overlooked the bigger picture and became reckless, thus causing his partner to evolve into a literal symbol of death and decay in the process. Something that may have happened to the ENTIRE group if the Digimon hadn't run out of energy...

The electrical fence and its aftermath: This one has several follow-up points, but I still think it's suitable to summarize them all here - first of all, there is him being confronted with the idea of actually dying by getting electrocuted after he was 100% convinced that nothing they did mattered, since they were "just data in a computer". Once again, he was being reckless and careless - not only did it lead to almost killing himself, but in extension, also dooming Sora, whom he failed to save. Overcoming his cowardice, finding his own sense of courage eventually led to victory - but also led to him disappearing and roughly 50% of the remaining group ended up thinking that he had actually died in the process. Meanwhile, he was back in the real world and had to choose between saving only himself, or everyone else as well... And we all know how the answer to this turned out to be.

Him almost causing Hikari to die AGAIN: Of course there have been several instances of death before and after they re-entered the Digital World again, leading to the eventual "fallout" between Taichi and Yamato in regards to how they should deal with the immediate danger at hand... But the most devastating instance here was Taichi reliving his early childhood trauma, fearing that, by taking Hikari with them, he made the same mistakes again, acting thoughtlessly, not considering the circumstances... He has been acting self-sacrificial for the sake of the group before, but it's this arc that shows that he is actually ready to die if he can at least manage to save everyone else in the process (hence why he ended up fighting with Koushirou as well, because Taichi forbade him from taking on any pain himself and Koushirou was having none of it).

Let's not forget that, during the events of Our War Game - and all the follow-up movies, especially Diablomon Strikes Back -, he was also under immense pressure: To save the entirety of Tokyo from getting blown up by a missile and every other side-effect that Diablomon may have caused in traffic or elsewhere... And once again, his own hotheadedness may almost have caused his partner to get killed, to the sense of guilt plays a huge role in here as well...

02 portrays Taichi as matured, it showed that, while he still occasionally needs to get reminded of it, he KNEW that he has to make uncomfortable decisions sometimes; of course he almost despaired when his partner was being captured and corrupted, but he also realized that he may have had to sacrifice him for the greater good; he needed to remind Hikari that the new kids never had to deal with the same kind of death exposure before, but warned her - with quite a grim, but serious expression - that they would have to face it eventually. He grew aware of their duty throughout all this time, through all these experiences, and it's not pretty, but at this point, he was still ready to act.

Tri picks that point of the story back up again by mirroring Meiko's fate with his own - at least to some degree. Once more, they had to face the possibility of having to kill a beloved partner Digimon and at this point, Taichi was questioning whether or not recklessly sacrificing infrastructure and lives for the sake of fighting was the "right way" to deal with everything. It may have felt a bit like recycled conflict at this point, but it's been several years by now, and Taichi is, overall, contemplating his life choices, contemplating his diplomatic future, the status quo AND his "duty" as Chosen Child.

It's through the course of Tri that he: Watched parts of the city get destroyed ONCE AGAIN, almost died through the course of several fights and an earthquake-like blow, had to witness his teacher - whom he greatly looked up to - sacrifice himself, covered in wounds and blood, to save him AND their missing friends... And all that after Daigo told him that they lied to protect them and that he should move on and create a better future... Thus, Taichi decided to go for the kill again. Again, he didn't like it, again, he got reminded by Hikari of all people how terrible it all is, but he knew that he had to.

Kizuna chose a similar premise to Meiko's once again - first of all, if we look at everything above, is it really a wonder that Taichi probably developed some fatigue? We all know, see, can tell how much he loves Agumon - hence why he did end up horrified by the prospect of losing him. And as I pointed out before, he did use the fighting for the sake of having a purpose, because... Who else was he if he couldn't "lead" anyone anymore?

And since the rest of his young adult life was pretty directionless... Can you really blame him for it? The amount of nightmares, the tiredness, the PTSD the previous experiences may have caused in him could never be treated by a "normal" therapist - who could ever relate to all of these things that sound incredibly supernatural and like nothing an adolescent should have shouldered all by himself? Heck, he isn't even able to talk to his friends about it at all (even if stageplay!Agumon told him to!), just swallowing it all by himself, dealing with the thought spiraling in his head on his own.

Hearing Menoa tell him that she lost her partner, making it all sound like a huge punishment for making the wrong choices... It may have rang several alarm bells in Taichi. How often must he have dreaded making the wrong choices? How much guilt must he have felt for the sake of Hikari, Meiko, Daigo, everyone he temporarily let down by hesitating or acting out in the wrong moment, let it be Yamato, Sora, Koushirou, Daisuke... Now there's this young woman who asked him to figure out a way to fix a problem she couldn't herself, a problem that may separate him from his soulmate forever and for what? Because he grew unsure of himself, because he faltered, because looking at all his friends, who found their paths, had become painful and tiring. Because, even after coming to temporary answers, he didn't know who he was and who he wanted to be anymore.

He had to choose to fight so many times, he sacrificed himself as much as he could. Then there was the prospect of fighting Menoa with two possible outcomes: losing would lead to his own death (or "loss of self" since he would have his consciousness be trapped forever in a neverending dream of his childhood), winning would lead to the death of his partner anyway... It must have been dreadful.

When it comes to the different kinds of "deaths" you mentioned, I will try to summarize this quite shortly, even though they're definitely interesting angles.

I believe that a "death of identity" is basically what I have outlined above - while it mainly focused on Taichi's (decline of) mental health, which may also have resulted in a tendency to isolate himself, Taichi's journey is basically some kind of Lion King analogy, where he starts as your typical head-through-wall protagonist, but has to deal with the aftermath of cowardice and the consequences of his choices - and does so by running away from the pain FIRST. From himself and his responsibilities. He also could have chosen to let Menoa win and let his consciousness be turned back into that of a carefree child... But he chose not to let that happen.

Because deep down inside, there IS his path. There are his values, his persistence, his belief system. He's been on the brink of a breakdown, but it's all there. Hence why I really, really, REALLY want to WATCH him getting to his "Simba strikes back" phase at some point, since we only ever saw it implied by the end of each, Tri, the stageplay and Kizuna. We KNOW he will push back, but we have yet to see in what way, if he ever got therapy and how he's actually doing - mentally, physically, spiritually.

Speaking of which, "spiritual death" is a bit harder for me to grasp in his context, but considering how his sense of guilt and fear of cowardice have led him to (temporarily) turn away more and more from his true self, his natural sense of courage and more positive, outgoing attitude... It all leads me back to him having lost his sense of self. I will never forget the feeling of how my stomach dropped during the "depressed adult" scenes in Kizuna. Again, I want to give this movie props for depicting adulthood like that, but it really hurt and felt way too relatable.

And I guess in this sense, we can also talk about "character assassination", because... As you may have noticed, I have linked quite a few analysis posts in this answer, because I have been trying to analyze and understand Taichi for MONTHS now. And sometimes, I feel like I may be trying too hard - who knows me also knows that, while Taichi is one of my favourite characters, I also have my fair share of problems with the AMOUNT of Taichi suffer p*rn in the OG timeline (and I still maintain they only made Taichi as generic as he was in the reboot to avoid these allegations). Some may argue that it's all over the top and that they keep recycling the same conflict (for him and in general) over and over again for the sake of even HAVING a plot to revolve around (which also wouldn't contradict the epilogue too much and actually leading towards it eventually).

For me, it has been interesting to look at all of this in context, as heartbreaking as it is sometimes. Mental health is a serious issue and watching a character like Taichi experiencing at least some form of implied depression after everything he went through tells you that everyone can get affected by this. Even if your experiences won't involve several instances of near-death-situations, even if you are resilient and have a lot of social, mental and physical resources to deal with set-backs or intense, difficult situations... It may still happen. And it's important to show that there are ways to deal with it as well as you can. That there is hope, even if things are not 100% alright.

[peachmi1k]

hey guys. i can’t believe i actually have to make a post like this, but it apparently really needs to be said because some of y’all don’t know how to act right. trigger warning for self harm, suicide, and cursing cause i’m mad af

lately some of my mutuals have been getting some asks that simply aren’t okay, ie requesting they write things about reader being admitted to the psych ward, etc.

i genuinely cannot fathom how anyone thinks that’s an appropriate thing to ask for from a stranger on the internet. you might think it’s quirky and cute but some of us have genuine issues that are absolutely disgusting of you to be trying to romanticize like this.

i have had severe depression for my entire teenage and adult life. i lost my best friend to suicide when i was 17. pain from something like that never ever goes away. another one of my best friends tried to unalive herself when i was 22. i worry about her every day. before finally being medicated at 18 i was going through the absolute hardest time of my life regarding my mental health, and surprise, it wasn’t fucking fun.

i have to assume that the people sending in these asks have no clue what its like to be in this situation or don’t know anyone who has, because if you did, you would know that shit like this shouldn’t be talked about this way.

and i will say, i am a firm believer that you are welcome to cope with your own trauma however you see fit, as long as you are not hurting anyone. yes, i joke about my own trauma with my close friends, because its mine, and however i choose to make myself feel better, i’ve earned that right.

but there are still boundaries that must be respected when it comes to things like this. i know that joking with my very close friends will not make them uncomfortable, because they too share some of the same trauma as me.

however, an account you follow because you like their writing is someone who you know very very little about. we choose what we get to share on social media, and extremely sensitive topics like this need to be respected in the presence of someone you know next to nothing about.

you don’t know if the people you’re asking these things of have been in this situation, and it’s extremely dangerous to assume you can joke about thinks like this with people you don’t know. you could genuinely fucking hurt someone.

people who are actually admitted to a psych ward are people that struggle just living a day to day life. its not a fucking vacation, they are suffering and they need help. and some of you, sending in your stupid fucking asks like “omg being lovey dovey with cc in a mental institution” is so insulting its insane.

grow the fuck up. this isn’t wattpad 2012 core, mental illness isn’t a “just girly things uwu” quirk. its real, and its serious. attempt to see someone else’s perspective. step into the real world for one fucking second and get yourself a reality check.

if you disagree with anything i’ve just said, don’t let me catch you on this blog. as max said, if this makes you angry then it fucking should. you are not welcome here.

[trans-axolotl]

for about two years now ive struggled with relapses in self harm and have not really known how to deal with my desires for harm, health, and existing thoughts on antipsychiatry. ive been accessing psychiatric resources for well over a decade with a lot of trauma inflicted over that time. ive also dealt with really harsh approaches to reducing self harm that both began the problem in the first place and worsened it.

ive been working with my therapist to stop self harming but, to be honest, i have no desire to stop. i try my best to reduce risk where i can such as not self harming in an emotional state, using clean implements, and keeping it light. previously i didnt care about any of those things and self harm was mainly a dangerous coping mechanism. but now i see it almost as a form of body modification with a lot of intentionality to it.

i really dont know what to think. its objectively dangerous since i am harming myself but i also cant agree with the general aims of therapy and psychiatry to stop self harming as an ultimate goal. i want to be happy and healthy and for me that means living with self harm as a reality of something i will continue to do. and i think its my right as an autonomous person to choose what i do with my body, even if its harmful. yet i can feel the claws of psychiatry and feel so much shame and hatred towards the fact i cant stop. or more significantly, that i dont want to.

sorry for such a long ask, but essentially what im getting at is, how does one handle harm reduction when there is no desire to ever fully stop? i believe in my own right to bodily autonomy but ive also been told repeatedly that using my bodily autonomy to harm myself makes me undeserving of it and instead in need of carceral punishment. how do i even begin to navigate those contradictions of feeling like ive been horribly hurt and dehumanized and feeling like on some level ive deserved that dehumanization because of the pain i inflict? is self harm as body modification even a concept or idea that people have discussed? since i mainly just see it discussed as a coping mechanism.

content note: continued discussion of self harm and self harm methods.

Hi, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out.

I really resonated with so much of what you shared. It's really hard to try to navigate all our feelings associated with self harm when we are constantly hearing from society that our self harm makes us dangerous or unworthy or unable to live outside of institutions. For me, it honestly feels really violating when other people like providers try to push their narrative of what self harm means onto me. My relationship with my self harm is so personal and there's a lot of different meaning I attach to it, and I want the room to be able to talk about it in a way that actually makes sense to me.

Something that's helped me in trying to navigate all of this for myself is really just to come back to these values of bodily autonomy and harm reduction. A really important harm reduction value for me is that it is completely okay if people don't ever stop (whether we're talking about drugs, self harm, disorderly eating, etc). It's important to me that we can defend people's right to do all these things and recognize that harm reduction should not be just another method of coercion trying to convince people to stop. I strongly believe that people can have meaningful and valuable lives that also include self harm as a part of our lives. I want to build a world where we can say that we're not interested in completely stopping self harm and that statement is not reacted to with shame or blame, but rather with curiosity and respect for the fact that we are the experts on our own lives and choices. Part of encouraging autonomy is recognizing that we are allowed to make choices about our lives that might not be what the psych system wants us to make.

Anyway, all of this is to say: I think it's okay if you're not interested in ever stopping self harming, and I know a lot of people who also feel similarly to you. You absolutely have the right to interpret your self harm in a way that makes sense for you. I've definitely heard other people talk about self harm as body modification (I think some of the harm reduction zines in this google drive might talk about it, but I haven't read through them in a while. Continued content note for discussion of self harm, self harm methods, and diagrams of anatomy and self harm). It makes a lot of sense why you might connect self harm and body modification, and that's something that would resonate with a lot of other people. You have the right to build a life that includes self harm as a part of it, and find a way to do it that makes sense for your body and life.

That feeling of dehumanization you described is so so real. I really just feel a lot of rage towards a psychiatric system that makes us feel so hurt and conflicted. Untangling that learned shame and hatred towards ourselves is so fucking hard, but just know that you are not alone in that and that we have the right to reject the ways the psych system punishes us.

And I want to be clear that none of this is to downplay the very real harm, pain, or risk that can come with self harm, but rather to point out that abstinence only methods, shame, and carceral psychiatry did not do anything to support me with that. Instead, it left me feeling trapped and like it was worthless to even try to figure out what I needed in really difficult moments. So I also really just want to acknowledge and celebrate all the stuff you listed in your ask--using clean implements, not self harming in an emotional state, and keeping it light. I'm really glad that you've found some steps to take that make self harm more manageable for you. Those are not lesser steps or a waste of your time just because you are not interested in stopping self harm, and those things are such a great example of how harm reduction doesn't require you to stop self harming in order to make some changes that reduce risk.

Just sending a lot of love and solidarity to you, anon, from another person who is not interested in completely stopping self harm, even as my relationship to my self harm shifts and changes over the years. There are a lot of us out here and we deserve to have the space to openly talk about these things without facing judgement.

💜💜💜💜

[murphysmom67]

Working Through Trauma

Anyone who has participated in psychotherapy knows the emotional and physical strain involved. Therapy allegedly requires three times the energy of physical labour. Working through trauma alone, without a therapist, is certainly possible. It is however extremely isolating and time consuming. Hopefully with minimal medication to cope with insomnia and anxiety, it is a journey of years, not months.

Benedict Cumberbatch has, I believe, been actively sorting out his life as complicated as it is. He is undeniably the victim of programming, physical and sexual abuse. He appears to have been abandoned by every important person in his life, his parents, friends, colleagues and filmmakers. He was coerced into a fictional marriage with fictional children and has lost large amounts of money because of this. I am amazed that he has undertaken to heal from such a disordered life but I have seen it happen.

My concern is that Ben has a good amount of support especially from long time fans and indeed from those who have been able to uncover the manipulation and abuse that was happening. These people are worried and frustrated. They want Ben to take responsibility for his recovery. He is also aware he has the support of one person in particular who has invested 10 years in assisting him in life threatening situations as well as emotional turmoil. I think Ben needs to consider how his actions affect those close to him, not the abusers but those who truly care about him. Its a mistake to think he is alone in his battle. He knows the truth. The marriage is a fake created by those who would control him. There are no children from this fake marriage. He is being used to care for someone else's children and it needs to be said. Ben needs to adhere to the truth or he will risk losing the support he has. I sincerely hope he chooses what he knows to be just.

[afuckingsystemsthoughts]

my last post had me thinking about how autistic people have so much religious trauma or js rejection to religion in some way. and while recounting my experience, i came to a realization: autistic people are demonized by radical religious people. not just cults, but people who follow christianity. these christians arent your usual accepting loving christians- im talking about the bible thumper christians that take everything out of context. they believe "oh well hey look! if god doesnt make imperfection, and people are born with autism, and autism is an imperfection, then god didnt make autistic people and theyre all born evil!" they also use that for other disabilities from birth. autistic behaviors are also different from most people without it so there have been radical christians who believe we're possessed. just because a three year old with a developmental disorder likes to stack their toys instead of playing with them. or because the kid is five and still only says three phrases. (ive heard one of these radical religious ableists talk about "muted spirits" and demon posession or whatever.) our brains are sensitive to loud noises which churches have a lot of and we are sensitive to flourescent overhead lighting which also makes them think we're evil. "they cant stand light! theyre demons!" did we say we need everything dark? no just not too bright. neurotypical people with migraines have the same sensitivity and don't get the same ableism for it all the time if they do. our brains just are wired differently. usually its genetic, and genetic mutations are usually caused by environmental factors. do these people ever consider that autism could be caused by exposure to pollution while the mom is pregnant or while the baby is still in the first year of life? no, they choose to believe we're inherently born evil. and if we arent facing the "you were born this way. thats bad" view, we're faced with the "autism isnt real. its just demons" view as done by a pastor rick morrow of beulah church in richland, missouri. he said "my god doesnt make junk" referring to us as junk. and saying hes done prayers that healed autism. i also read lots of autistic athiests posts, and thats how i realized. autistic non-evangelicals hate god because they think He hates them, causing them to be unsure about the world and/or use athiesm as a coping mechanism. i believe in freedom of religion, this isnt about forcing athiests to be christian or vice versa. this is about how religion is being used as a tool for abuse and ableism. autistic people aren't born evil, and they don't rebel against god until theyve been hurt by religion. radical christians are something wrong with this country- they spread hate, they gaslight minorities including mentally disabled people, theyre ableist, and theyre homophobic and transphobic. they hate anyone that isnt superior, meaning they only like white able bodied able minded people. i could go on and on about how radical christians especially how theyve hurt autistic people and i might add to this with more rants.

[binalakarchive]

Love fionna and simon in those debut dresses!! The parallels aaaaaa

What are your Feelings around them 👀 I'd love to know!

the normal answer:

i really like fionna and simon’s dynamic bc ultimately, in a world where ice king was constantly isolated, fionna was the closest thing to human connection that ice king felt truly accepted in for the longest time. the fionna and cake stories were also something that helped Ice King eventually connect to other people, even with its rough start the people of Ooo eventually came to know Ice King for those stories, and started connecting with him through connecting with his work.

the Fionna and Cake series ended up. opening up a LOTTTT of doors to something i didn’t even think would be truly expanded upon, with the main question i have being: how is simon going to cope with having “his coping ocs” come to life? how are fionna and cake supposed to cope with realizing that all of their world is dependant on the existence of a crazed guy that doesn’t truly know what he’s living life for?

what is Simon to do when said OCs stop acting more like his OCs/outdated view of what the world was to him back when he was Ice King and more like their own people, even and especially now influenced with how Simon chooses to cope with the world at present day? how much is Simon willing to do if it means clinging onto the only things he can identify himself with, his constant state of grief and unhealed trauma going in hand with the characters that want to enable a madness that used to make him “likeable” to others, easier to connect with even at his worse?

what is Fionna to do when she realizes how much she meant to simon? the only human connection Ice King could fully embrace at the time he nourished the Fionna and Cake series? a character parallels with a real life human boy that actually exists, that Ice King has grown to care for over time? of realizing what kind of human the voice of your “stories”/world truly is? where does the Endearingness end and the Genuine Discomfort of self destructive delusion start?

i still have more writing in the works but i dont wanna leave this answered, especially since i know my answer is going to change the more episodes appear (which is going to just be a lot more questions until the series comes to an end)