#IT'S ALIENS!!! (crack)

[tfp-is-my-lifeblood-lol]

I saw a Youtube comment talking about how, in the episode "Crosscross," Silas was able to track Jack's location and personal info via social media, so why didn't the Decepticons just do THAT all this time, so they could track the humans/Autobot base?

Then all the commenters agreed that it's because the CAPTCHA "I am not a robot" thing actually works on Decepticons, because they are, in fact robots.

I love this and it shall now be my crack headcanon.

(In all seriousness, I actually don't think it's a plot hole. I think it's a great example of the Decepticons' characterization.

The real reason Decepticons never tried social media tracking is because they're too proud to use human technology. To them, it's considered "inferior."

I'm fascinated by the idea that, if they hadn't underestimated human technology, they could have found all these Autobot secrets, like the location of their base and humans, EASILY. But they never bothered, because "oh, that's worthless human tech."

Keep in mind, in one episode, Starscream actually did explore the human internet, and almost located Bumblebee that way, but the others made fun of him for it (the tap-dancing monkey incident) so we can see they don't respect it enough to give it their time.

It also kinda shows how MECH, to some extent, has an advantage against the Autobots because they're all humans, and are therefore better aquatinted with Earth. Even Airachnid didn't realize social media would be a useful weapon until Silas explained it to her. The Decepticons are obviously more powerful since they're giant aliens, but MECH uses their humanity and Earth knowledge as their greatest strength. It's kinda neat.

[ctrlzxoo]

even if your eyes are open, i will help you close them.

Afterword: Ivan’s thoughts

[h4nanabananaz]

og text post from @bottomivanfan !

redrawing alnst memes is how i cope with all this pain. I can't believe round 7 did us like that, NDJSJSJ hopefully i can post actual round 7 art soon 🙏🏻

[thephantomsdream]

so I've been reading real published romance books and they cannot fill the void that ao3 and company do fill, but they did give me an idea. ok, lmfao, hear me out. (I've had this in my drafts for way too long, i decided to release it because why tf not)

content: alien!141, soulmates!141, abduction, intergalactic human trafficking, space shit; very vague idea of anything ever; probably made up alien names; writer is at work while dealing with annoying costumers so it's rushed and dumb.

imagine:

Good ol' you, in your house, unaware that in the deep, vast universe, trafficking also existed. Not long ago, a reptilian race found out about our warm bodies, interesting features and intelligent yet primitive brains, and started to abduct and sell men and women to rich buyers. It was good business, especially considering our side of the universe wasn't even aware of extraterrestrial life, so they couldn't even guess where they disappeared! The treaty and all intergalactic laws were vague about us. "Let them be" meaning "Let them fuckers figure their shit out, lol idk".

Well, as you can understand, the Sheh'deauz (lmfao stay with me) decided to in fact not let us be. So back to lovely you, yeah?

Home alone, playing videogames or something, when suddently you see some flashes of light out the window. It was weird considering it wasn't raining but you remained calm, as you assumed maybe a storm is approaching? Mainly, you couldn't give a shit but the moment you heard scratching and hissing outside your door, you panicked. Long story short, your house slowly started filling with an invisible gas that just made you pass out, but you did see your door opening, same weird blue-white light emanating from under it as it did, and a scaly leg entering your home as you fell on the floor.

You figured, as the genius that you were, that you were, in fact, not dreaming as you spent many hours (days? felt like days) in a cage. Very oddly technologically advanced. In another strike of genius, and of course, after seeing your kidnappers, you figured it was a spaceship and you were in some deep sci-fi shit. (maybe after laughing and asking them where are the hidden cameras. i would...)

After throwing tantrums and having the ugly multi-colored creatures mock you and hiss at you, you kinda gave up and sat by the very human bed you've been given and allowed time to pass. You were given food every so often, a toilet nearby, water at your disposal. But you feared for your life.

Well, let me tell you something. You have the luckiest misfortune of all, really. Or maybe, just maybe, things are meant to be this way. Maybe it was all meant to happen like this. Allow me to explain.

In another corner of the universe, four of the greatest warriors of the Intergalactic Army frowned at a holographic screen. A female alien, older, still beautiful, ethereal looking, skin creamy white with some lavender edges and striking blue eyes was frowning back.

"You're fucking kidding me." Their captain said (in a different language than ours but your writer here is multi-lingual, don't worry), getting closer to the screen. She just nodded, rubbing her forehead.

"Where is that again?" Asked another.

"So like—" a third one, this one with a distinct accent compared to the others, tilted his head incredulously. "They're our cousins genetically?"

"You can say so." She groaned. "The Council decided to not touch that part of the galaxy. They are being observed. Fucking hell! They were going on the right path."

"If they don't destroy their own planet before." The captain muttered, voice tired and coarse. In his many, many years lived, he's seen it happen again and again. Greed and stupidity almost whipped their race, so he's been following the Terrans close-by, as close as a mere Intergalactic Task Force Captain (stick with me lmfao) could follow.

"So what's the plan?" The tallest one asked, mask made of what others assumed was one of his most dangerous prey's skull was placed on his face.

"We give them hell." Captain commanded, Laswell nodding.

"Stay close, at the outskirts of their galaxy. We intercept any package and find their buyers."

"What do we do with our lil cousins then?"

"Eliminate any witnesses."

Shit went down really quick. You figured they were preparing for something as the guards by your cell somehow summoned some advanced looking chairs from the walls to strap themselves on and hissed at you mockingly, as they've done before. You just sat in a corner, by the bed, and wanted to cry. You were going through all stages of grief every few hours and it was getting exhausting. You were just now starting to understand how dire your situation was and how little chances you had of going home.

They turned off the main lights and a thousand scenarios crossed your mind. It was as if they were bracing for something. You frowned as you saw the guards tense as some alien hieroglyphics appeared on a holographic screen. It looked... like a countdown... You grasped the bed, trying to brace yourself for something. And good that you did because it felt as if the ship collapsed with something.

It basically shook you off to the ground, and while you'd think this was supposed to happen, you quickly realize it wasn't since the guards unstrapped themselves from the chairs and started shrieking as alarms suddently blared. After that? Seconds and it was over. Two white blasts ended them both, hitting them exactly in the middle of their ugly skulls. You did not hear any footsteps but you saw a shadow approaching your cell, so you scurried closer to your bed and now presumably magic shield that will block blasts that melt alien skulls.

The barriers from your cell unlocked, sliding to the sides and someone jumped in front of you. Someone big, dressed sleekly in black, although you could swear the edges of his frame looked transparent for a second. It was big, yet had the complexity of a human so you stayed locked in place, big scared eyes on the person pointing a big son-of-a-bitch gun at you. You heard it growl and speak something shortly, and the hairs on your whole body pricked.

World stopped for Price as he cracked another neck, just after locking eyes with the leader of this "cargo" ship. He was about to take a step forward to gently guide this person towards personal enlightenment by confessing all the information they needed, even if it would be involuntarily, when Soap spoke... well, growled just one word in their comms.

"Mate."

[pwippy]

lmao get bowl cutted

[ejoym]

She watches Alien like everyone else watches John Wick: the perfect assassin is the victim of a home invasion and then emerges from retirement to seek revenge.

[eightmakesonebraincell]

[fic rec mlist] ot8 x reader | multi x reader

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only general themes and tags are listed - please read through the author's specific tags and warnings

both sfw and nsfw fics are included. minors please dni with nsfw fics and respect the age restrictions put into place by the writers (suggestive, smut, and trigger warnings are highlighted in red)

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last updated: 01 april 2024

[idontcaboose]

Haunted car au, pt 6

The next part is fighting me a bit, so I will just post this one for now.

Previous

Duke reeeaalllyyy does not get paid enough for this.

Good news, he was able to get the names of the dealers and suppliers and also narrowed down the places of interest to three warehouses. All he had to do was drop that info onto the server for the night crew, and that was that, not his problem anymore.

Bad news, the car is becoming his problem.

When Duke entered the cave, he could see the wheels turning, and not in a sick burnout way Jason does anytime he gets behind the wheel, they were just turning left and right. Then to add more insult to Duke's attempt at ignoring it, the car opened its driver door in what may have been a mockery of a greeting. Honestly, Duke could have also ignored that but then it seemed to fucking Panic and set off its own alarms and proceed to flail all the doors open and reverse to the point that the back wheels made it off the platform and into the gutter that runs though the cave. If Duke was a betting man, and he was, he would bet that whatever possessed or replaced the Batmobile was so incompetent that he had to worry more about Its safety from the Batfam. Whether that was protection from arrest or adoption is still up in the air.

Either way, this is becoming Duke's problem. He is really not paid enough for this. Time to calm down a sentient car.

“Hey, car buddy? You ok?”

Duke wasn't sure what he was expecting when he was talking to a car of all things, but absolute silence wasn’t it. Was this thing going to try to play car now? After everything that just happened? Duke slowly walked up to the driver's side door and looked in for the green blob person, only to see them in the back seat sprawled out. Duke tried to not think too hard while putting the car back in its spot, but the list of facts he has so far kept ticking.

1. The Batmobile has a new passenger or has been replaced

2. The thing/person is not good at hiding, so probably not a villain plot

2a. If it is a villain plot, they got the absolutely wrong person to do it

2aa. Possible meta forced to spy?

3. The person just freaked out so hard they fainted after setting off the Batmobile alarms.

4. Alfred will know what to do right?

5. Try to communicate again with the person in the car.

It didn't take long for the blur on the backseat to shift again. Luckily they didn't immediately jump into the driver's seat, where Duke still sat. Duke turned to look in the backseat, time to start this interrogation.

“Hey, you ok?” Duke was happy that he was able to see the head nod that the fuzzy blur gave.

“That's good. Now, I can't see you too well, but we can work out some basic questions, alright?” Another head nod answered him.

"Are you in danger? Like, did someone force you to do this?” The head shake that was produced shook the car. Duke internally sighed in relief, not a villain plot or meta trafficking gone wrong.

“So this was just an accident, and I am guessing you are now stuck?” Duke knew he was not as good at body language reading as the others, but the wave of embarrassment and resignation this blob was giving off confirmed that whoever/whatever this is, was not a total threat.

Next?

As usual tag list!

@kizzer55555 @sebas-nights @candeartist422 @trappednyourheart @fandom-life-corrupted-me @tkiesai @2lbballpeenhammer @admiralwidow @rewrittenwrongs @whotfevenknowsanymore @symmetricalastigmatism @atinygracie

[misstycloud]

Just thinking about a darling who loves the idea of aliens and the thought of life somewhere else. But unfortunately their knowledge doesn’t extend beyond the classical little green creatures with big eyes and heads.

An alien of the species X is traveling through hundreds of galaxies and dimensions in search of a perfect mate. They suddenly get the urge to travel in a specific direction.

Eldritch alien: Earth? Is my mate really from such an unadvanced planet?

They decide to land anyway and is unimpressed with what they see. They decide to use their super technology to disguise themself to what is considered an anarage human. They walk around town and believes the trip was a waste of time, until they see darling for the first time.

Their mind is blown. Darling is the cutest thing they’ve ever laid their eyes on! Immediately they feel the pull and start stalking them. They learn everything they can about darling, food preferences, what they like to do for fun, and even what they like in partners.

Imagine the euphoria they feel when they find out darling is into the idea of aliens! Things might be rough in the beginning of taking darling, but things will surely clear up when they tell them they’re not from earth.

-

Darling, woken up by strange sounds outside their house and goes to check it out, even though it’s against every horror movie rule.

As soon as they walk into the kitchen they see a large shadow standing there. Before they manage to get a sound out, the creature pounds on them and keeps them from screaming.

Eldritch alien: shhhh, little mate. Don’t be scared, I’m not here to hurt you.

Darling sensing the large frame and tentacles definitely doesn’t belong to an earthly creature: what are you? What do you want from me?

Eldritch alien: I’m your mate and I’m going to take you away on my ship. As to what I am, I am part of species X, of course. I am what you would call an alien.

Darling: …….. No you’re not.

Eldritch alien: ……?

Darling managing to loosen the aliens grip on them: I’ve seen aliens before in comics, and you certainly doesn’t fit the picture.

Eldritch alien: ????

Darling: I mean, no offense, but look at you. You’re all tentacles and you’re head isn’t that big either too be honest.

Eldritch alien: ??!!

Darling: soooooo, you come from the forest or something?

Eldritch alien having no clue what’s happening: please, I promise I’m an alien *sob sob* I’ll even show you how to suck up cows with my ship.

[backgroundagent3]

Bonus:

Some things never change.

[cool-island-songs]

the hoes (nice twiter people) are saying ivan cover soon and ogughghhg unknown till the end plz pzl pzlpz

[lemondoddle]

Just watched alien, thoughts:

Ripley I commend your ability to see the bigger picture so much bc the way I would be screaming "what did I FUCKING tell you" if I was in her place my god

Practical effects i love you

That being said. Why was the robot filled with cum.

I'm so glad Jones is alive having only suffered a mild concussion from being tumbled around in that carrying case

Kinda obsessed with that humidity/water processing/ whatever the fuck the room with the rain chains was, the sound was so beautiful if I was on that crew I'd be constantly sneaking off to sit and listen to it

In conclusion, (watching a movie from 1979) wow...this is so wolf 359 coded..

[mellonyheart]

Some mornings are heavenly. In the traditional human sense anyway.

You open your eyes lazily and slowly blink away speep. You're warm and cozy. Beside you, with an arm over your torso, is Mammon. Still fast asleep. Soft snores and bedhead. He looks so peaceful and you can't help the fond smile that graces your face. You never really want to get up.

Some mornings are... something else.

You wake up groggy and wonder why you feel like you're in a sauna. The answer is basically on top of you. Mammon is on his back and draped over your middle. Loud snoring and the occasional snort tell you he's still passed out. The blankets are... somewhere. And your feet are cold. You gotta pee but the demon is heavy. Is it even morning yet?!

May or may not be hungover too...

[loverboybrightsideghost]

he just tells jimmy their alarm clock explodes every morning…..

[parisoonic]

i really wish we got the tf2 tv show because i think, about your talk about how pyro ends up being a foil to the other characters, pyro is such a wildcard of a character that if you need someone for an episode to complete a dynamic it's pyro. he's designated driver. he's the mcdonalds employee. he's scout's ma. she's helping miss p dismember bodies. it's coming in through the dog door

your ask got me thinking about how i'd use pyro in a show and IDK if anyone else has seen Solar Opposites but how they split the Pupa's screentime between A + B plots in the first/second season would be spot on the money for me. Pyro could be there, in the A plot, in small ways (like you said, at the back of the bus or en rotue to the episodes mission) but then gets sucked into a 'mundane' B plot for some tonal levity within the episode. Pyro's gotta run that FTSE 500 company! They've gotta seduce the Ballicorn comic writer in order to read the never-published final issue! They've gotta earn an Astrophysics PHD in order to steal their Professor's Pokemon topped pen....that sort of thing. And then occassionaly they can show up with the deus-ex-mechina for the episode with the rest of the team being none the wiser (other than vaguely baffled as their flamethrower could've REALLY come in handy fighting those haunted scarecrows).

[fisherrprince]

fangs…..