#IT GETS BORING AND REPETITIVE AFTER ITS EVERYTHING I SEE

[fairly-odd-takes]

People tend to ignore a lot of really interesting characters for Dev, Peri, Dale, and Irep and it makes the fan content a little boring after a while. A lot of stuff gets a little repetitive (see: the bazillion fics about Peri returning to Dev as like a babysitter or something) and I really think more could be done if people would look at the rest of the cast!! I've rarely even seen any Hazel-centric stuff!! I'd love to see more content about her family and (other) friends and the magical beings introduced in anw!! Expand your horizons, people

.

[dreamlifebunny]

a better way to affirm (and make any method more effective!)

every desire we could ever want has already been said "yes" to and everything is possible - this is the beautiful truth of the law of assumption. a very popular method for manifesting is affirming for your desires: with affirming, we tell ourselves "i have money, my sp loves me, i am safe, etc." attempting to conjure up the feeling that the affirmations are true. however, when we don't actually believe in the affirmations, repeating them over and over can feel vapid, yucky, and even make us feel like we are lying to ourselves, causing us to feel the opposite of the affirmations we were using.

when talking about imaginal acts and imagination, edward art has often said that it's not the details of the scene that matters, but what the scene implies about us that is important. it was after listening to his "though false" lecture that i realized, in order for affirmations to be effective, we must first believe they are possible for us at all and they must tell us something beautiful about ourselves.

yes, it is true that mindlessly repeating affirmations over and over again without feeling them can manifest just as effectively as feeling your affirmations and only repeating them once, but the reason why either of these methods work is because you believe that they will work. if repeating affirmations mindlessly 10k times gives you the same feeling that your manifestations are yours, then please keep doing that method! but if you struggle to believe that mindless affirming will actually bring about your desires and you find the repetition boring, this post is for you.

i would like to repeat: the law, in all of its beauty, reminds us that every single thing that we desire has already been said "yes" to. with this beautiful concept in mind, let us create affirmations that feel softer, easier, truer, and give us the peace of mind that we are seeking.

inspiration:

this post is inspired by and at some points directly lifted from edward art's "though false" video. i take zero credit for the ideas that he originally shared, i just wanted to add on my own interpretations and share it with the community so that more people could be inspired!

this post was also inspired by @alilarew23's post "what if god said yes?" i can't believe when i first wrote this that i didn't realize how deeply it was inspired by her incredible post, and only now after reading it again did it dawn on me 😭 i wanted to make sure this post of hers was linked because it is SO good; please give it a read if you want to feel wonderfully validated, safe, and comforted in the knowledge that your desires are YOURS!

steps:

decide what it is that you desire and let the daydreams begin - what do you naturally imagine happening? what do you hear? see/hear/feel/etc. the imaginal act that naturally comes up when you think about your desire (don't worry that you're not doing it right, it's simply a sweet daydream about what you desire)

next, ask yourself: if this desire manifested and really came true, what would that imply about me? what does the manifestation of this desire tell me about myself? get to the core of what the manifested desire says about you. for example, if you wanted wealth and you naturally visualized travelling the world with all the money you have and imagined that the scene was true, the core belief could be "i am free to do anything i want without barriers." if you wanted wealth and you naturally visualized seeing your bills paid off and imagined that the scene was true, the core belief could be "i am always safe and looked after financially."

we have now figured out what our desire says about us, and our next step is to ask god if what it says about us is true. since WE are god, we go within and ask, "God/Self/Subconscious, am I (insert the answer we found in step two)?" the example could be, "god, am i lovable? am i safe?" etc.

because we know that every desire we could ever want has already been said "yes" to no matter what, answer yourself as god: "yes!"

feel the feeling of relief - you now know that a) your desire will manifest, and also b) that you are everything that your desire implies about your wonderful self and that you now know that your affirmation of choice is true! how beautiful is that? repeat these steps however often you need peace.

as you can see, this takes you right to the feeling that you are trying to get achieve by manifesting your desires. we manifest to feel loved, happy, successful, wealthy, so why not feel those ways while we wait for our manifestation to show up? it gets us to the core of the belief and helps us figure out exactly what it is we are wanting to feel about ourselves. it makes the affirmation feel a lot more powerful and personal, and a lot more "guaranteed" knowing it is coming to you from yourself as god.

example:

lets say i have decided that i want to manifest a partner back, who ghosted me with no explanation and who chose someone else over me, and that it left me feeling worthless. the imaginal act that comes to my mind when i imagine him coming back and choosing me is my partner holding me tight, crying and apologizing for the pain he has caused, and telling me how much he missed me, loves me, and how badly he wants to rebuild trust and cherish me for the rest of our lives (💅)

if my desire came true, it would tell me that i am irreplaceable, lovable, obsess-worthy, worthy of affection and love, unforgettable, irresistible, etc. (how lovely that would be to feel!)

"bunny (god), i know that everything that i want has already been said yes to. does this mean that i am irreplaceable, lovable, obsess-worthy, worthy of affection and love, unforgettable, and irresistible?" (i would probably just use one hehe but you get the point).

knowing that i am god and that my word is law, i tell myself the beautiful "yes!" that i know is true! i feel the reality that i am lovable, i trust that god (myself) knows the truth and is powerful.

i relax, knowing that the inherent nature of god is a resounding "yes," and that that means i am already lovable, irreplaceable, etc.!

i hope that this exercise can bring you peace, remind you of your incredible worth and of how truly lovable and wonderful you are, and ensure you of the guarantee of your desires manifesting. if you have made it to the end of this post, please consider watching the "though false" lecture and ali's post "what if god said yes?" for even more validation and love!

love and hugs, bunny 💕

[miaclemeverett]

amazon standing lamp - using drugs and sex and other unhealthy distractions and coping mechanisms to deal with losing people you love out of your own fault. the top-heavy amazon standing lamp part is a really old wilbur joke (back in 2020 he joked about naming a song this) and it also reminds me of how (i think it was him?) he once said that he moves house so often that he loses so many belongings and only has a few things left that he cares about, i think this pairs really well in the song how the artificial meaningless things are all that remain

mine / yours - the breakdown of a relationship, seeing the warning signs and the things you take for granted assuming a person will stay with you forever despite it all

around the pomegranate - this song reminds me a lot of "since i saw vienna", when a place (california in this song) becomes so married to a person that it serves as a source of comfort and nostalgia for when things were simple and happier. being on the road you can never set down roots and people come and go from your life

i don't think it will ever end - he lives life in front of millions of people (chat in this song) watching his every move, like an actor he either has to play the part he's made for himself or isolate himself from this audience, it's a repetitive cycle that sends him downhill

glass chalet - back in the dark days of 2021 i remember wilbur would always joke (SLASH SERIOUS) about quitting streaming and disappearing off the face of the planet for years without a single word. VERY HEALTHY MINDSET exhibited right here in this song

melatonin 130 - I LOVE 100 GECS!! but in all seriousness the constant reminder that you have mental illness/anxiety your entire life and you can only cope with it, that it impairs you even when you should be happy cus obviously you're living out what you thought was your dream and everyone else thinks you should be on top of the world duh!

oh distant you - JUST KILL ME. your sister was right but WORSE!!!!!!!! again you take for granted that someone will stick with you forever and only after it's over realizing that you can't fill the hole where they were. and again we're back on fixating on who is the villain in this narrative

eulogy - your sister was right but worse 2, this song focuses on the whispers (good and bad) leftover from a relationship. harkening back to screensaver where he says that the subject in talking about their relationship basically makes him sound like hitler, and your sister was right where he talks about the warning signs the subject should have seen, this squarely places the blame on him

dropshipped cat shirt - I LOVE 100 GECS!!! but anyway the grueling day-to-day of being on the move, singing to people who adore you and make up a version of you in their head, latching onto unhealthy coping mechanisms to keep going, you have everything you ever needed and wanted but you're bored out of your mind

the median - short but sweet! as i said earlier, wilbur always has to play a part, and this audience projects their version of himself as the truth

trying not to think about it - I KNOW I PUT DAMN NEAR THE WHOLE SONG DOWN HERE BUT LISTEN. again realizing how much you take for granted the assumption that someone will stick with you forever. wilbur has mentioned before how as a hypochondriac, he's never taken seriously by doctors whenever he doesn't feel well. also this idea of romance and love as something just for the aesthetic, not as something that gives you stability and meaning but realizing that it can be that for you until its too late.

10 week rule - who got him pregnant?? but in all seriousness i think this can be read as a way of turning a new page, but obviously its not as simple as just getting rid of something unwanted

[pixiedurango]

Oooh! Could we see a letter from Teia to Lucanis, giving him relationship advice now that he and (any)Rook are together?

I just think that could be funny, because Lucanis would be mortified, but also taking notes 😂.

Here we go again, the Antivan Postal Service delivers its second letter today. Hope you like it and hopefully I was able to make it different enough from the first one to not be redundant. I decided to make this the follow-up letter to the first one posted earlier today, so there is Lucanis' answer mentioned.

If anyone feels inspired to write the missing letter from him to Teia - be my guest and drop it into the letterbox.

Transcript:

Lucanis,

I was delighted to read that you took the chance to invite Rook for a picnic from that food crate I sent along with my last letter. But excuse me, you had that picnic WHERE? On top of the lighthouse? We really need to set up a visit, this sounds unbelievable. And romantic, dare I say. You seem to do good with that blooming connection to our dear Rook. Maybe you discovered that infamous Dellamorte charme, which your Cousin clearly has over-cultivated and in abundance

Speaking of Illario. Maybe Viago IS a miracle worker after all - even though he denies it. But your cousin is doing quite alright, given the circumstances. Of course, he does not work contracts at this point and is stuck with paper work of no greater significance. But at least it keeps him busy and inside the offices in the Diamond’s belly instead of having him mingling at the casino or - even worse - anywhere else in Treviso.

Of course, he complains. And to an extent I do even understand him - it’s boring and repetitive. Then I look back at what he has done to you, to Caterina and to all of us Crows. If it had been me back then, I would not have had it in me to pardon him. Now after some time has passed, and I found enough calm to think about it, I guess I start to understand, why you and Rook decided how you did - and even if I still despise him and his actions, I will defend your decision and to an extend him, too. But he better not try his luck on that too much!

Now back to more pleasant topics: Tell me about Rook and yourself! You know I’m dying of curiosity and if curiosity kills the cat, I’m ready to hear everything - or die. I already told you, that picnic you mentioned was a brilliant idea. And the catering… outstanding!

You two have so much on your shoulders. The whole team has. But especially Rook. Make sure she gets enough sleep, eats well and make her smile a lot!

I know, you are a gift giver - do I have to mention the ‘Dagger Incident’? I’m sure, by now, you have reflected in depth about the significance of communication along your gifts.

And even though Rook may be a lover of a good blade, just like every Crow - you might consider finding something more… delicate. Less job related. If you can’t come up with anything at some point, flowers are fine but get redundant pretty fast. See them as a last resort. Jewelry seems to be a safe bank, but I recommend not pulling out the real big ones too soon. A pretty brooch, or a hair pin. This kind of stuff. And wait with the gold and diamonds. Silver and colorful gemstones are pretty, too. And less… let me call it pompous. I know you could literally buy the whole world for her, and sometimes you might feel you want to actually do it. Just. Don’t. We both know her well enough that this is not what she wants or needs. Lucanis, dear, I know you are always doing your best and given the person I know you are, do never worry. Rook knows what she wants, and she has a pretty good taste, too. Let me know if you need anything, Treviso is just an eluvian away. Always yours -Teia

[sarkos]

In 2023, the network now known as X began sharing ad revenues with its “premium” users, and I joined Threads (which is owned by Meta), but all I ever see on it is strangers confessing to boring misdemeanours. I remained on X, where everything got darker. People get paid, indirectly through advertising, for engagement. Even that is a bit murky, since it’s described as “revenue sharing”, but you don’t get to see which ads’ revenues were shared with you, so can’t measure revenue-per-impression. Is X sharing it 50/50? Or 10/90? Are they actually paying you to generate hatred? “What we’ve seen,” says Ed Saperia, dean of the London College of Political Technology, “is controversial content drives engagement. Extreme content drives engagement.” Creating toxic content became a viable livelihood, which my 16-year-old, on football X, noticed way before I did: people saying patently wrong things for hate-clicks. You might get a couple of thousand likes for noticing that David Cameron looks like Catherine the Great, but that’s nothing like the engagement you’ll get for attacking trans people, say. Those high-attention tweets go straight to the top of the For You feed, driven by a “black box algorithm designed to keep you scrolling”, as Rose Wang, COO of another rival, Bluesky, puts it, but the user experience is screeds of repetition on topics tailored to annoy you. As a result of these changes, says Joe Mulhall, head of research at Hope Not Hate, “the platform has been flooded by individuals who were previously de-platformed, ranging from extreme niche accounts to figures like Tommy Robinson and Andrew Tate”. We saw the real-life effects of this when misinformation over the identity, ethnicity and faith of the killer of three young girls in Southport incited explicitly racist unrest across the UK this August, such as hasn’t been seen since the 70s. X, Mulhall says, “was a central hub not only for creating the climate for the riots, but also the organisation and distribution of content that led to riots”.After the race riots in August it transpired that one man, “keyboard warrior” Wayne O’Rourke, convicted for inciting racial hatred on social media, was earning £1,400 a month from his activities on X. The blowhard Laurence Fox declared last month that he earns a similar amount from posting on X. O’Rourke had 90,000 followers; Tommy Robinson has more than a million, and it’s likely that he’s making far more.

Racism, misogyny, lies: how did X become so full of hatred? And is it ethical to keep using it? | X | The Guardian

[hanakihan]

so since @i-bring-crack gave me the idea now I’m having a brainrot so here we are

‘Tired salaryman transmigrates into other world, decides to chill and accidentally completes the main quest without knowing so’, the thread

- jinchul is your average day to day salaryman who’s exceptional in his field but his life is so repetitive and boring he rarely questions what he does daily, even on weekends he mostly sleeps or works because there’s nothing else to do (he’s like me fr—)

- one night he was returning home after a really hard day at work, one of very few instances where he overworked even by his own standards. he was sleepy and tired enough not to notice moon being too bright and shadows dancing at weird angles around him. he did feel like someone was watching him whole way home so he sped up his walking and that’s exactly how he accidentally fell through one of shadows after stepping on it

- he doesn’t remember everything after that that much, but next thing he knows is that he’s laying in a comfortable bed. then apparently he wakes up in a strange room that kinda looks something straight out of historical drama but also something out of those isekai fantasy novels teenagers love to read. which is even more confusing when a man enters the room. that’s when jinchul realizes he has no idea what language this man speaks.

- apparently after several hours of struggling to communicate mostly through sign language and awkward drawings/sketches, jinchul more or less understands that he’s either sleeping after overworking too much or he’s really been thrown into other world (time??) without any knowledge. Go Gun-Hee (as he suspects man’s name is because he pointed at himself and said it several times) was nice enough to host poor man with amnesia and so is his wife. jinchul is a man of gratitude and considering his position he’s more than happy to help around their estate for sheltering him while also borrowing language books from their library. thank god his company made him learn several languages for business reasons.

- after some time jinchul is able to read and talk in their language so living becomes slightly better. history books of this world provide more context so yes, he’s apparently in some kind of different world where magic exists. he should freak out by this point but honestly when freaking out helped in any situation. there’s whole kingdom, there’s local religion, there’s so much he actually needs to memorize. jinchul is actually glad basic accounting rules from his world work here too so with time jinchul becomes gunhee’s accountant.

- jinchul hates coffee but only after arriving here and seeing there’s no such thing as coffee, jinchul realizes he might’ve been a caffeine addict. there was a solid month where he suffered drawback from its absence and it was impossible to even get up from bed. he hates coffee still but he misses it because now all tiredness crushes down on him in one go

- weirdly enough this world does have something akin to coffee beans but no one knows what do with them. just to test out jinchul buys some (under merchant’s questionable stare) and brews them. turns out it tastes almost exactly like coffee, just less bitter and less caffeine. jinchul’s opportunistic mind started to turn gears in his head.

- through some time jinchul now owns a famous shop, only one in whole country to sells and serves coffee related stuff. he’s more than happy with his arrangement, plus he has his own independent income and more free time to visit gunhee and his wife. he also isn’t that healthy (because honestly who’s he to sell coffee at astronomical price like it was back in his world) but he earns enough for living.

- one evening right before closing his shop is visited by a man. jinchul tenses because there’s something familiar about his presence. something from back from his world. something at last moment before he fell here. even is said man is actually nice, just a little stone faced, jinchul is still on high alert. rightfully so because room feels smaller and darker and he can swear he can feel phantom of a cold hand on his neck. it’s suffocating and for the first time here jinchul actually fears for his life.

- man leaves but occasionally returns from time to time to test different coffee and sweets combinations. there’s nothing much happening but jinchul is always uncomfortable. there’s something threatening but not actively so.

- during one of such visits jinchul is absolutely baffled when this unknown man visits his shop again and gifts him rare calming herbal tea leaves and best brand of kingdom’s chocolate. in exchange he asks for best cup of coffee and best desert jinchul can offer. through observations jinchul offers man’s favorites and was right because now everything is less suffocating and stiffening and for some reason jinchul feels like he passed some sort of test. it’s also the evening jinchul finally learns man’s name - sung jinwoo.

- after that it becomes a routine. jinwoo became non hostile and more approachable (as well as being the one to approach) and jinchul uses it as a chance to have a stable source of information about this world.

- (also because I’m a weak dumbass) jinwoo actually remembering when jinchul’s birthday is (even if he mentioned it only once in passing) at night of said birthday jinwoo ungracefully (even if he wanted it to be graceful) falls through jinchul’s window waking him up. jinwoo snatches barely awake jinchul to his palace to celebrate. jinchul is grateful and but also tired and sleepy so it’s mostly a nice late dinner, a present (magically enhanced ring) and a sleepy good night kiss. jinwoo is so shook he just touches his cheek and awkwardly leaves to sleep in a guest room since jinchul fell asleep in his room. once he’s in bed realization crushes down on him. apparently the most fearsome shadow monarch is deeply in love with a destined one to supposedly murder him. jinwoo’s own plan backfired spectacularly.

- jinwoo’s plan: snatch destined one into their world before church can summon him - let him live here for some time and observe him - approach him with malicious intent to see his reaction - if attacks then murder, if not then make him attached - make destined one attached and be in good relationship to keep a close eye on him so he can strike first in case of murder intent - accidentally become the one attached and fall in love with destined one - wait what???

[inhuman-obey-me]

levi + 🚪 no mc please!

"I feel a sickness for a home I’ve never been." - Leviathan

"YES, I got the last piece of the set!" Leviathan shouts excitedly to himself, happily setting the new piece to his gear before inputting a dance command.

The little avatar on his screen begins to bop around, moving its arms cheerfully to no particular music as if to show off the new jacket it's wearing. The blurry pixels that make up the character's face look like they're smiling, just like the Avatar of Envy is, beaming from his seat as he reaches up to stretch for the first time in hours.

Messages from his guildmates start rolling in, too, filling the chat with, "YOOO CONGRATS" and "omg sooo jealous" and "looks AMAZING, man!!"

Ah, satisfaction.

And then, killing his elation just as quickly -- "alright, I think that's it for me tonight."

"Wait, some of you still need another drop from this dungeon though, right? Let's not stop yet," Levi types frantically. For the first time all night, he notices his eyes stinging from the strain of playing for so many hours straight, but he's desperate not to log off. If anything, his chest is starting to constrict at the thought, full of panic at the idea of ending already.

The others, however, are done. They collectively decide this is a good place to stop for the night, and one by one, he watches his teammates' avatars disappear from the screen, leaving his character alone in the field, still dancing away.

And, just like that, the night's distraction is over. Groaning with frustration, he scrolls idly through his quest list, checking for something, anything to still do. A dungeon, a raid, maybe some limited-time seasonal event? Of course, he's already completed all the most fun quests though, and the only things still available for him to handle alone are mindless, repetitive tasks. Boring.

He closes out the game too, dropping his head into his hands in defeat. He should get some sleep anyway, admittedly. Lucifer will be mad if he oversleeps come morning, after all.

It's just, the moment he turns around, he'll have to see that same damn room again -- his new one, with its jellyfish lamps and porcelain white tub for a bed. He'd been excited about it at first, since he'd gotten to decorate it with all his otaku paraphernalia, and the fish tank walls really did cast a lovely blue glow over everything. His figurines look great in their displays, and his entire manga collection is neatly organized on the shelves, just how he likes it.

It's a good room. It's got all of his favorite things. It's very distinctly his -- no more of the dusty old guest rooms of the Demon Lord's Castle, each one indistinguishable from all the others.

He should like it.

But that doesn't change what the room is: new. This is his new room, in a new house, in this new realm, with a new body, having to make a new home, and it's all because he's not welcome in his old one anymore. The Celestial Realm cast them out, and he'll never see his old room in the Celestial Palace again. He'll never get to stay in that nice, comfortable, familiar place anymore, and the thought makes him deeply envious of his past self who got to enjoy his time there so obliviously, never even realizing that those days would come to an end!

Then again, if he's honest with himself -- wasn't he the same way back then, too?

It's just a sickness for a home that's never been. Truthfully, he didn't feel any more comfortable in his skin as an angel than he does as a demon. Having his brothers with him is what makes a place home more than anything else, but even they don't really understand him.

No one does.

But there's always escaping into his games, his anime, his manga. In those, he can imagine himself as the hero. He doesn't have to think about what a sad, pathetic demon he is now. He doesn't have to think about being a demon at all. He can be whatever he wants to be, wherever he wants to be.

And where he wants to be right now, is not here. Anything would be better than thinking about all this again. Late night be damned, he's not ready to face this yet.

Screw it, he's not going to sleep. He boots up another game.

[maochira]

Their ways of loving you (Blue Lock)

Lyrics are picked from The Power Of Love by OOMPH!

Also thanks to @kiyoomean and @chaosinanutshell for throwing some motivation at me to finally finish this 🫶

Tags: gn!reader, fluff, established relationship

Feels like fire - I'm so in love with you

Everything about your love makes him feel so alive, as if there's a fire burning in his heart that makes him feel so warm inside whenever your soft lips touch his.

-Shidou, Karasu, Bachira, Kaiser

Dreams are like angels - They keep bad at bay, bad at bay - Love is the light - Scaring darkness away

Ever since he fell in love with you, it feels like you're guarding him from pain without even having to try. You made his world light up and he can't imagine ever being without you anymore.

-Rin, Kunigami, Yukimiya, Tokimitsu, Nagi

I am so in love with you - Purge the soul - Make love your goal

There are many things he wants to achieve in life. Loving you wasn't part of those goals originally, but after he met you, winning your heart became part of his goals - which he quickly won.

-Rin, Isagi, Bachira, Reo, Kaiser

I'll protect you from the hooded claw - Keep the vampires from your door

The moment you became his, he swore to protect you from anything that could ever happen to you. He hates to see you being harmed by someone and he'd have an awfully hard time forgiving himself if he ever hurt you, even if it's on accident.

-Kunigami, Rin, Isagi, Barou, Sae

When the chips are down, I'll be around - With my undying, death-defying love for you

No matter at what point you are in your life and no matter what happens, he will always be there to help and protect you. He always makes sure to show you how his love for you is unconditional.

-Rin, Isagi, Kunigami, Ness

Envy will hurt itself

You seem so much like the perfect couple, a lot of people get jealous and have tried tearing you apart or stealing one of you. Always without success and they only ever ended up hurting themselves.

-Kunigami, Isagi, Yukimiya, Ness, Sae

Let yourself be beautiful

There's no one more beautiful to him than you. Not only your looks, but also your personality. No matter how often he points your beauty out, he never feels as if he's giving you enough compliments.

-Aryu, Bachira, Shidou, Yukimiya

This time we go sublime - Lovers entwine, devine, devine

To him, you're literally an angel. Sometimes, he wonders how he's worthy of your love because in his opinion, you're so perfect it's almost unreal.

-Rin, Tokimitsu, Ness, Reo, Chigiri

Love is danger, love is pleasure

Loving someone comes with its risk. Even your relationship has its many ups and rare downs. Whenever those downs happen, he makes sure to never make you feel as if he loved you any less even during harder times.

-Yukimiya, Rin, Kunigami, Sae

Love is pure, the only treasure

His love for you is so pure, even months and years into the relationship, your love never gets boring or repetitive. And he could never get tired of you either.

-Bachira, Shidou, Reo, Ness, Kaiser

[animeyanderetalker]

So you finished enies lobby eh? How’s ur one piece journey so far, and do you have any brief thoughts on the straw hats (so far)?

I’m giving you my honest review here because as much as I like the series so far, I also have my fair share of stuff I don’t enjoy.

I adore the world in One Piece. I’ve been a big fan of Pirates of the Caribbean as a child and I have always wished back then that I would see Jack Sparrow exploring all mysterious islands and finding all treasures. I got that with One Piece but even better. Each island feels unique and whilst there are definitely pacing problems at times even this early for me, I do love the aspects of exploring each individual island and learning about the rules, the environment and the life of the people calling it their home. I know that the Skypiea Arc isn’t that beloved amongst Anime fans but I really loved the arc due to the unique and interesting setting the island in the sky had. From its past to the inventions to the way people live in the sky, everything has so much personality and that has been the case with every major island so far. The sense of adventure and curiosity I always get whilst getting to know a new island is really addictive and I love the foreshadowing. The fact that the end of the Going Merry had already been hinted during the Skypiea Arc but was only revealed during the Water 7 Arc is insane and from what I have heard, Oda is great in foreshadowing and I’m looking forward to that.

What I find myself struggling with, and I don’t know if the Anime is partially exaggerating this sometimes, are the characters itself at times and the, in my opinion, lukewarm comedy that gets very repetitive and boring after a while.

Luffy:

I am actively struggling with the main character at times. Luffy is quite carefree, impulsive and does whatever he wants and it is not even that this is what I dislike about him. He has such heartfelt moments such as giving Nami his straw hat during the Arlong Park Arc despite the hat being a treasure for him or him defending the pirate flag of Chopper during the Drum Island Arc. It’s just that he sometimes is portrayed as so amazingly incompetent and stupid that I am agonizing over it. How can you get stuck twice within the same arc in between two walls and then spend episodes there whilst your friends are trying to save Robin?? Him being a glutton is expected, older Shounen protagonists just seem to have a habit of having a black hole instead of a stomach. I also still don’t understand how he learnt Gear 2 and 3 in such a short time considering that I cannot recall a time where he had time to properly train.

Roronoa Zoro:

I have very little to criticize about Zoro. Luckily his character gag of always getting lost isn’t something that is thrown into my face every episode so I can tolerate it. He’s a man of honor and I like seeing him on screen, but I’m still waiting for that one moment of him where I go from liking him to loving him. I also feel like he suffered in the Enies Lobby Arc from being paired with uninteresting opponents to fight against (Kaku and Jabra).

Nami:

I love and hate Nami at the same time. But the reason why I hate her isn’t even her own fault. As a character I love how she isn’t someone who is actively fighting and has admittedly not the most interesting fights but without her literally nothing would work. As a navigator she is irreplaceable and without her skills the Straw Hats would go nowhere. Her backstory was also heartbreaking but Oda seems quite skillful when it comes to writing a good and tragic backstory. The reason why I hate her though is because she has become more and more a victim of sexualization the further the story has progressed and I just know that it’ll get even worse. I have seen the pictures of her after the timeskip and it is so infuriating because she didn’t look like this at the beginning of the story. The freaking scene in the Arabasta Arc where she was sexualized from a camel and a crab was a different low for me because it’s the first time I have seen animals thirsting over a female character.

Usopp:

Usopp is a character I also find myself struggling with. On the one hand his creativity and his craftsmanship are to be admired. This is a man who invented Nami’s Clima-Tact and was the shipwright before Franky joined. On the other hand his character gags of being the big coward can get a little bit tiring after a while for me. I really loved the Water 7 Arc because it showed him in a much more serious light which was a nice change for once. And I am going to be quite honest here with you, I did not enjoy the whole Sogeking sequence. I understand that he was too ashamed to face his friends after he had left the crew but it got a tad bit annoying to me after a while. I was also not surprised that Luffy and Chopper were the only ones who didn’t recognize him in his disguise.

Vinsmoke Sanji:

I actually really enjoyed Sanji’s character when he was first introduced. I admired his ideology of not letting anyone starve due to his own experience of being stranded on an island without much food and the relationship he had going on with Zeff and the other chefs was heartwarming. However, his simp character has significantly increased since then to the point where it has gotten frustrating and annoying. I remember that scene in the Skypiea Arc where the Going Merry was kidnapped with a few crew members still onboard. And the first thing that left Sanji’s mouth then was that he was disappointed that Nami wasn’t in bikini anymore. I think that is the moment where I started not liking his character as much anymore and from what I have heard, it’ll become a lot more worse. It’s really disappointing in my opinion because he could be such a cool character but around women he is always reduced to a simp with heart eyes.

Tony Tony Chopper:

Chopper is adorable and I love his versatile forms he can use with his Rumble Ball. But I just wish that the show would actually give him more recognition because the 50 Berries he has on his head as of now and the fact that he was called a pet on those wanted posters is saddening. Because not only can he actually fight because he took down one of the CP9 members but he is the doctor of the ship and fulfills such an important role because of it. He is more than just a cute little animal and I hope that will be more recognized.

Nico Robin:

Robin is as of now my favorite character and I have literally nothing I can criticize about her. She is intelligent, her backstory is my favorite as of now and I love how her character also shows that it isn’t only pure strength alone that can be dangerous in the eyes of others but also intelligence. She was wanted for simply knowing how to read Poneglyphs. I’m also happy that she hasn’t been sexualized in the Anime so far and I pray to god that she won’t get the Nami treatment later on. I also love her dark and blunt sense of humor.

Franky:

Franky is incredibly likable. He is as of now the newest member of the Straw Hats so I have not as much to say about him but he is also a well built character with a nice introduction. The relationship he had going on with Iceberg and his past with Tom were well written and despite his rowdy experience he has a heart made out of gold. The fact that he took all outsiders in Water 7 under his wings and gave them a new home and purpose says really all you need to know about him and I’m looking forward to seeing more of him.

[blankwashed]

“sir gojo, breakfast is ready on the table. we’ll be leaving your room now,” satoru’s head maid said before leaving a pair of slippers at the foot of his bed.

satoru gojo, powerful, good-looking and rich. living a life that anyone would love to have. as he was born into a wealthy powerful family of high-grade sorcerers, he was only fed from a silver spoon. everything given to him was luxurious, the man had no idea about what normalcy was.

not to even mention about how he was ordained with the powerful six eyes and limitless from birth.

satoru gojo, perfect, anyone would say.

except for himself.

he never asked for any of this. he never wanted to be the head of his clan. he envied other children who would be having the time of their life, frolicking in playgrounds, meeting up with each other, playing games with each other.

all of that was taken away from him, all just because he was “special”.

there were countless of times where he felt that it was too much burden for him to carry.

you ever thought about satoru gojo being depressed? he sure is.

he didn’t even have any friends to talk to while he was growing up. no one who understood his pain or would even think about him on a personal level.

spell this, spell that, save the world, eradicate spirits

satoru gojo was tired of it all.

getting up from bed, he weaved his white hair in his fingers. this, again. every day.

he sighed, “i bet they made the same breakfast as yesterday for me as well,”

wouldn’t anyone react the same way? repetitive. everyday was the same.

satoru swore under his breath that he would take any, anything just to switch places with a regular person.

it was his dying wish.

he wished he could just disappear.

everyone, everything was dependent on him.

he didn’t want this.

“oh? a brioche today. good, good…i was getting real bored of french toast,” satoru said as he sat down on his chair in his dining room, full of seats but usually empty.

“i-i told maria that you might be bored of french toast..hope everything is alright with the food, sir. i’ll be heading over to the maid’s quarters. ring the bell if you need any of our assistance sir,” satoru’s head maid responded to him before quickly heading over to her room.

satoru shrugged. he’s not that picky when it comes to breakfast, its fine as long as its sweet.

after breakfast, he went to take a shower before starting his mundane day.

when he reached his workplace, jujutsu sorcery training centre where he’s the head of, he raised both of his eyebrows when he noticed a new student shuffling in her seat.

as he walked over to her there were gasps, satoru gojo walking over to one of his students?

she didn’t notice his presence until her friend nudged her elbow.

“HEY! watcha do that for?” she annoyedly said as she look back at her friend.

a large shadow loomed over her presence.

shucks.

“im sorry mr. gojo! i-i’m a new student that just transferred from jujutsu high kyoto, i didn’t realise you were trying to get my attention,” she stood up and profusely bowed.

satoru chuckled, gaining more gasps from the students as he raised her head.

mr. gojo never touches students, or even talks to them.

“i see. welcome to tokyo, hope you find the resources here to be around the same,” said satoru as he tilts his head and walks away.

she’s special, i can feel it he thought.

not proof read and now i feel hungry&tired.

[castlebyersafterdark]

'its quite concerning'

is it? or are you making it so?

if mike doesnt have scenes with el, it'll be a disservice to the show. i want closure, connection for them.

'talks of...' FROM WHOOOOO i mean. the same old rumour mill, snore. gullible just isnt something i wanna be. even if true... i mean, pics or it didnt happen doesnt even apply here cos like vinny said, we have no context. so nothing actually matters until we see the show.

moral of the story is: everyone needs to learn how to wait.

oh but also, mike finding will after losing el? could be classic, could be beautiful. its a common love story. only milevens are poisoning that notion to make it seem like will was second. if you wanna be literal about it, will already IS second. but we know that that doesnt matter, because.... context.

y'all are looking so bored. couldnt be me, we've got our imaginations. so much more interesting than leaks. maybe create, write, anything else than spiral into false concern

I think a problem I'm finding in the Byler fandom is that people feel in order for Byler to succeed as a possibility - El must disappear from the plot completely. And hey, this is coming from an El neutral fan. I don't love her, but I don't hate her. My gripe is: 1) She gets too much screen time and I'd like to have seen other characters get more and her less 2) her scenes often feel a bit repetitive and dragged out and 3) her relationship with Mike needs to change (and I believe it will in season 5). She's an important character and her story is important to the show. Her and Will have a connection, her and Mike have a connection. We are working towards those true connections. Her family. And a friend. El can and will and should have meaningful moments with Mike. Closure. Discovering that their love isn't what they tried for, what they thought it should be. Mike does love El. The point is "but not like that." Hasn't that been our whole point this entire time?

Mike and El having scenes together does not concern me. They should be having scenes together. And if these theories are true and El is gone somehow - set opinion aside - Mike should be grieving. That's an important person gone, that's a friend lost. Does not mean anything against Byler's legitimacy. Mike and El could break up in the first episode and the rest of the season is Mike and Will together on their journey and then the whole cast comes together at the end. The El factor does not have to determined by romance.

And there's something really beautiful, you're right, about working for and fighting towards and discovering yourself and making a change. Second love is a valid love. Understanding different types of love. I think there's a lot of passion and devotion to this pairing - I'm there, too!! But it would be so boring if it was easy. Mike and El break up and immediately Will and him get together, yay. All for what? That's not great entertainment. I want them to overcome and struggle and learn and it to feel cathartic and real when they get together.

The easy path does not need televised.

"Talks of"... I really have a lot of patience and I truly mean this as a way to deliver some kindness: stop focusing so much on what people in certain online spaces are "saying." We're all different flavors of fans. I'm too based in reality and logic and common sense to devote much time to things that frankly, are being perpetuated by people on an app and fandom corner I don't respect for many many reasons. Love yourselves!! Focus on what's real in this fandom. The internet is very dangerous in that it makes you want to believe everything you read. Becoming gullible to readily available information is part of the addiction of social media. No!! Many have worded it better than I have. Anyway, twitter is not a place of truth or happiness. Focus on the things that are interesting and fun and bring joy. That's alllllllllll I have to say.

[shuxiii]

Love you two times

Huh Yunjin x reader

a/n: this piece of rat doodoo was in my draft for a solid 5 months now (estimated it) and I wanted it gone my bad if it's so bad.

synopsis: starting a new life in a foreign country is difficult as is forgetting the past you once lived. but the person you once loved brought back to your present, reliving the past you once avoided, will you ever want them back?

‘‘Argh, moving into a new country is a pain in the ass.’‘ You groaned, as you roughly let go of the heavy boxes in your hand laying down on the carpeted floor of your empty apartment. 

You recently got accepted in a company abroad as an intern, with your parents helping you rent an apartment that’s near your work, made you grateful they loved you despite being a shitty child.

‘‘Yeah, its a pain in the ass, but at least I’m finally getting my dream job.’‘ You spoke back to nothing, giggling on the floor, looking like a mad woman, with sweat dropping against your forehead. 

You were happy to start fresh, America was a hellish place for you, everything there was so full of dreadful memories, and now you finally got the chance to put aside your past and start anew. 

You sighed, standing back up, dusting your clothes, craving something to eat after hearing your stomach growl. But to your dismay, your boxes weren’t filled with food, instead just boring clothes and items you brought to your newly homed apartment.

‘‘I should just probably buy some noodles across that convenience store.’‘ You murmured to yourself, before picking up your wallet and jacket, leaving shortly after.

You walked the bustling city of Seoul, the beautiful scenery reflecting back at your sparkling eyes. So pretty. 

you entered a 24/7 convenience store, walking on each aisle, looking for a particular noodle you specifically searched for, your eyes shinning at your favorite ramen, you rushed quickly at the coincidentally last ramen on the shelf, your hands reaching out for it only to feel another hand against yours. 

You were taken aback as you glanced to the side, to see a quite tall girl despite the mask hiding half her face you knew she was quite young, making you nervously let go of her hand. 

‘‘Oh, y-you can have it.’‘ you stammered, since you weren't fluent in Korean, it was quite hard to speak coherently without stuttering in the process.

‘‘Really? Cool!’‘ her eyes gave away her masked smile, jumping slightly before taking your hand and shaking it dramatically.

‘‘I’m Eunchae-’’ Her eyes widen, her hand covering her mouth despite the mask already covering it, she looked like she just exposed something, as you gaze back at her confusingly.

"Hi Eunchae, I'm Yn" You responded, feeling a bit perplexed by her rapid shift in facial expressions from shock to confusion to relief.

‘‘It’s nice to meet you, yn, thanks for this ramen, I owe you one if I see you again!’‘ You chuckled as she let out a squeal, unable to contain her excitement.

She waved her goodbyes at you one last time before leaving the store.

‘‘Well, there went my favorite ramen, but at least I gave it to someone adorable.’‘ You chuckle back at yourself, hoping to see her again, oddly enough she reminded you of your little sister, making you smile a little wide, good memories dwelling in your thoughts.

-

You laid back down on your soft fabric bed after eating nothing but ramen, you were quite still hungry but it was way too late, and your first day as an intern started tomorrow, you don't want to leave a first bad impression on your record by being late.

drowsiness overtaking you, as you slowly drown in sleep, excited for what tomorrow will bring you.

-

Well crap, you thought, running on the street, your blazer flying crazy against your body, your head disheveled, with your only breakfast which was bread, stuffed in your mouth. You were almost late. 

You went faster than anyone could to the entrance, apologizing to the old guard, who took quite a fright at your sudden bolting to the door, before repetitively pressing the elevator button, you cursed as you saw the floor number, it was currently at the highest floor, making you abruptly run to the emergency exit stairs.

This was not what you expected for your first day, this was like a race to satan’s door. 

Your body dripping in sweat, your chest harshly heaving up and down, gasping for air. You finally reached the floor.

You tiredly opened the door to the room before collapsing on the couch inside the recording studio room.

‘‘A-Am I late?’‘ You sttuttered, barely able to finish your sentence corherently.

‘‘Nope, you’re right in time.’‘ The producer cheerly gave you a thumbs up, smiling back at your slouched figure.

Who smiles at a monday morning. You thought.

-

‘‘Well, as expected their late again.’‘ The producer muttered, looking at his watch, it has been 20 minutes since you came in the room, your body feeling quite better after running a flight of stairs.

"Who?" you asked, looking puzzled at the producer. You got up and walked over to the stereo systems in the room, running your delicate fingers over them gently.

‘‘Oh, it's this newly debuted girl group, since this is your first day as an intern, you're going to observe me, and maybe give out ideas or two for their new comeback!’‘ he happily explained, his eyes full of passion, clearly enjoying his work. 

As if on cue, the door opened widely revealing multiple girls coming in with their loud voices erupting inside the room, still your back was facing them.

You hear them greet the producer before noticing your presence.

‘‘Yn, I want you to meet Le sserafim!’‘ suddenly the producer’s voice turned deaf in your ears, and the room felt small.

You look back, you felt your heart drop, and the air in your lungs disappeared.

Her figure was not what you expected to see after years, your chest tightens gazing on her face, it didn’t change one bit in fact it looked much more prettier last time you saw her.

Luckily her attention was focused on her phone, giving you time to cover yourself with your jacket, awkwardly moving your body to face your left side to hide your face even more.

‘‘Oh my, it’s her!! she was the one I met in the convienent store!’‘ 

You squint, eyes widening realizing it was the same girl you saw yesterday, her name Eunchae was it. 

‘‘Oh, you mean the girl who you stole the ramen?’‘ a Japanese-looking girl snickered. 

‘‘No, I did not, she gave it to me!’‘ Eunchae dramatically defended herself earning laughs from the other girls. 

‘‘Who?’‘ You suddenly became tense at the sound of a familiar soft voice that you hadn't heard in years. It was clear and loud, causing your heart to race and your body to instinctively hide.

‘‘Oh, her name is Yn, she was the girl I was talking about!’‘ Eunchae explained, making you cringe at her exposing your name just like that at the last person you would ever want to see again.

Her ears twitch at the name, quickly glanced up, looking at your covered figure.

Her focus is now solely on you, tucking her phone away in her pocket, She paused and took a few steps towards you, her heart racing. She needed to confirm if you were the Yn she had been yearning for all these years - the only person she had ever loved.

The producer patted your back, gesturing you to talk back, making the hood that hid your face fall down at the sudden force, giving away your identity. 

Well, shit. 

Your eyes slowly meet her doe brown eyes, catch sight of it, full of unspoken emotions you couldn’t comprehend. And with just that, all of the dreaded memories you hid under your heart, came crashing down to you. 

Yunjin was in shock. After all these years, you looked exactly as she had imagined. She could hardly believe it - finally, she was seeing you again. Her heart swelled with happiness, and she instinctively raised her hand to pull you in for an embrace. However, you moved away, avoiding her gesture.

‘‘I-I um I need to go to the bathroom!’‘ you awkwardly shriek, bumping into the other girls, and running down the hallway. leaving an overwhelmed Yunjin 

-

"Fuck fuck fuck" you leaned against the sink, your hands running through your hair, your teeth between your lips.

"This can't be happening." You repeatedly said, now covering your face with both your hands.

Why does she have to show up now, after all these years? Just when I've finally gotten myself together, I have to work with her.

You took a deep breath, holding your chest, trying to calm down the fast pace of your heartbeat.

"I can handle this. Just maintain a professional attitude and everything will be alright," you reassure yourself. Taking a deep breath, you calm your nerves and regain your composure.

-

‘‘What was that all about?’‘ Chaewon nudged Yunjin’s side, whispering at her. 

‘‘What.’‘ Yunjin mumbled seemingly staring at the floor, like it was the most interesting thing to look at. 

‘‘Like you almost pulling that new girl in your arms, almost as if you knew her.’‘ Chaewon crossed her arms against her chest, now sitting straight on the couch.

‘‘It was nothing.’‘ 

Chaewon raised her brows, clearly uncoinvinced by the short excuse.

‘‘Dont lie to me, Jennifer.’‘ 

Yunjin sighed, her lips forming a frown. ‘’She...She’s my ex.’’ 

Chaewon let out a gasp, quickly concealing her surprise at the major revelation.

‘‘What?! Do you mean the one you always talk about? That was her?’‘ Chaewon loudly whispered now moving closer to Yunjin.

‘‘yes." Yunjin sighed for the third time, what was she thinking of course you'd act like that. After all, it wasn't like you guys were still bestest of friends after she left you, even when she promised she'd keep in contact but she never did.

"how about you talk to her?" Chaewon suggested.

"I wish, but It seems like she doesn't want me to." Yunjin pouted, playing with the ring on her finger.

"Do you still want her back?" Chaewon firmly spoke.

"I do but-"

“No buts, if you still love her and really do want her back, you should show her that, show her that you wouldn't make the same mistakes, Go for it!” chaewon jokingly shake Yunjin’s slouched figure, her eyes full of sincerity.

Yunjin smiled softly, her hands on her lap.

“Okay, I’ll prove it to her, I will, thanks Chaewon I really needed this.”

Chaewon smiled back patting Yunjin’s back.

-

Since that day, Yunjin has been a constant presence by your side. You can always spot her in your peripheral vision, and she always seems to be focused on you. She finds ways to strike up conversations with you and subtly suggests grabbing a meal together. She even makes excuses to prolong her time with you.

Despite that, the challenges of getting you back was harder than she thought, you’d always have an excuse of being busy or you had somewhere to go. Of course, she knew that was a clear lie, and she understands that but she didn’t expect it to hurt her that much, you avoided her, but that didn’t make her stop pursuing you. Getting you back was hard work she’d commit to just to have you back in her arms.

-

Yunjin wiped the beads of sweat that dropped against her brows, her heavy breathing echoing in the practice room.

She stayed a little more, to rehearse the dance step she had a little hard time learning. Alone in the room she sloppily walked towards her water bottle chugging it down, the water dripping on her shirt.

She checked her phone, it was 12 a.m in the morning. She groaned stretching her arms, moving them in a circular motion.

She picked up her sling bag, texting her manager to pick her up from the company.

She stood in front of the entrance, shivering at the cold breeze that passed her, receiving a reply from her manager, saying she'd be a little late because of the harsh weather.

she took a seat on the waiting benches, playing with the keychain of her bag, yawning with the tears building up at the corner of her eyes, the rainy night made her drowsy.

That is, until she noticed someone in her field of view, it was you beyond the entrance door, standing against the pouring rain, slightly damp but safely protected by the building's roof from the heavy rain.

Suddenly, the drowsiness that had engulfed Yunjin has turned into concern and worry as she sprints towards you.

You felt a coat cover your freezing body, the familiar pungent scent of the jacket made you look back.

‘‘What, are you doing here?!’‘ She shrieked, grabbing hold of your wrist to pull you back inside the building, but your body didn’t budge at all. 

‘‘I’m admiring the rain.’’ You whispered gently, your gaze now fixed on her bleached hair; you loved it better when it was black.

As she let out a soft sigh, her grip on your wrist loosened and she eventually released your hand, though the sensation of her touch lingered on your skin.

She stood a little closer to you, feeling the warmth of her body.

‘‘Why are you soaked?’‘ her eyes looking at the tree’s moving into the rhythm of the wind.

‘‘I was going to walk home but the rain chased over me, so I had no choice but to go back here.’‘ You played against the hem of her soft fabric jacket.

The wind became louder, the rain falling against the roof drowned out the loud hammering of Yunjin's chest, being this near to you made her happy, a lot happy.

But the silence was something Yunjin couldn’t stay in forever, she was willing to ask you again and again.

‘‘Yn.’‘ Her voice came to a whisper that the wind overtook.

‘‘Hm.’‘ 

‘‘Whatever we had, can we have it back?’‘ 

The emptiness of silence you gave her made her heart ache even more, her eyes carefully glancing at your physique, your countenance blank.

"Why. Why repeat the past and only hurt the both of us, again." You let go of the hem of the jacket. Now your hand forms a tight fist.

"But it won't happen again, and I won't leave you like before." She grips both of your hands tightly, her voice shaking slightly from the cold or perhaps from the fear of losing you again.

“oh really, now that you have everything you ever wish for, you think it’s easy to go back to the way it was. Because ever since you left me, I’ve been counting every second and every minute of you gone, dreading for you to come back, but you never did, if you really did love me maybe. maybe this would have never happened.’’

All of Yunjin's memories flashed before her eyes, and the expression you gave her was the same. The same dreadful look you gave her as she went away. It caused her heart to tighten in an awful way.

‘‘I get that you were chasing over your lifelong dream, but what about me? where did I stand in your life? did you ever place me in your future, or was I ever in it to begin with? ’‘

‘‘You are-’‘ 

‘‘If I ever was then, maybe you still kept in touch with me, but you never did, did you?’‘ 

Of course, what reply could she ever give to you with that sentence? and she deserved this, she was selfish, she never thought what you felt. It’s true when they said love makes us both selfless and selfish, you were selfless enough to accept that she left you over her silly dreams yet you always told her, she was special to still dream.

''Then, give me a second chance I'll prove to you that I can still fix things!''

''We aren't the same people we used to be-''

Yunjin hugs you tightly, putting her head against your shoulder.

''Please, yn we can still fix this because after all these years I still love you, people do change but my love for you didn't. I can't afford to lose you again so please, can you take me back''

''Please..''

before you could even give an answer, a car stopped beside you both. showing her manager in the driver's seat.

You felt the once tight embrace slowly loosening, she had to let you go.

''think about it, I'll give you space'' last words she said before avoiding your gaze into the car.

-

ever since that day, it has been a week since she stopped bothering you. you'd walk past her at times and be in the same room as her yet, she felt far away from you, she avoided your gaze and only ever spoke when it was important.

And the more she did distance herself from you, the more it distracted you. why was it difficult for you, this is what you wanted right. yet, it didn't feel nice at all.

so here you were, in a bar driven nuts with drinks you could gaze upon, chugging it all whole.

''Yn, I think you've had enough..'' Your friend, Kai spoke looking anxious at your drunken state.

''I'm fine, I'm fine'' you motioned your hands at him, slurring in the process.

''Seriously, I think we should go home'' Kai, holds onto your arms ushering you to stand up. but you push his hands off, muttering no's, hugging the chair.

''Why won't she just leave me alone, why is she giving me space. I hate her so much'' You muttered, laying your head against the chair.

everything went black, and you felt someone holding onto you. You opened your eyes slightly, you were in the parking lot, your arms up on someone's shoulders. someone was carrying you.

''Thanks for picking her up'' You heard Kai talk to someone.

''Don't worry I'll take care of her, thanks for taking care of her'' The familiar voice perked your ears, making you glance to your right, to see her. Yunjin was carrying you.

You heard them bid goodbye as Yunjin, carefully put you on the passenger seat, gently holding onto your arms to help you.

Why was she the one picking you up?

You both shortly arrived at your apartment, and she left the driver's seat. You hazily look at your window pane, seeing her open the door holding your arm onto her shoulder and helping you up.

''Be careful'' She mumbled.

You stumbled a little, going inside the apartment the room was dimly lit, and she lays you down on the couch.

''I'll get you a glass of water, I'll be back-''

before she could even step foot away from you, you gripped tightly on her wrist. She gazes back at you startled.

''Don't leave me'' You muttered.

''I'll just get something, I won't be too long'' She tries to remove your hold, but you only gripped it even more tightly. Pulling her close to you.

''You already left me once, don't do it twice'' You slurred.

''Okay, I won't'' She sits on the floor, letting you hold her hand for a while.

There was a moment of silence until,

''I miss you''

''You miss me?'' She said.

''No, I've been missing you ever since had your back faced to me, I've been missing you even when you stood right in front of me'' Your eyes stared back at Yunjin's glistening ones.

''I missed you even when you were still mine''

Yunjin's heart took its pace, feeling overwhelmed at such a revelation, but she shouldn't get ahead of herself, you were drunk after all.

''Yn, you're drunk,'' she spoke.

''Let's just talk about this tomorrow when you're sobered'' She stood up, but you persisted gripping tightly on the hem of her shirt.

''I can try, I'll learn to love you again- so don't leave me'' Your voice filled with drowsiness.

She faces back at you, with a gleam in her eyes. Brushing the strands of hair covering your face.

''Okay, I won't leave you.''

[fraufangs]

"Intermezzo" by Sally Rooney — Book Review

Stars: 2/5⭐️ I give two stars because of the potential the story had. Two brothers, while dealing with their father’s death, trying to figure out their relationship, as well as their love life. It does sound good, doesn’t it?

The problem is, Rooney’s writing doesn’t match the idea behind the novel (again, I had the same problem with “Conversations with friends”).

Her characters are merely motives, stereotypically written at that. They do not function in more than two dimensions - their romantic relationships and prescribed traits from the beginning of the book. Peter is just a lost depressed boy in his 30s, while Ivan is a nice, slightly autistic guy who likes chess. Peter dates Naomi, a 23 year old only fans (I assume) “model”, who is an obedient dream girl, while still being hung up on his ex Sylvia, who is only there to provide him guidance and a sense of comfort/familiarity. Ivan meets Margaret, a 36 year old insecure divorcee, and falls for her. That’s pretty much all they think and talk about. Occasionally one of them adds something about their dead father, but it’s mostly Ivan complaining, once again, about his brother’s horribly written eulogy…

The topic of guilt or brotherly relations is overshadowed by these inappropriate romantic interests, and doesn’t get explored. Shame, really. And I truly don’t say that because I have a problem with portraying difficult relations or situations, I actually enjoy such themes. It’s just the way it was written… as if romanticized and prioritized over what was supposed to be the topic of the book.

After a while, it just becomes boring – their pseudo-intellectual thoughts and problems, analyzing every little detail (which is unnatural and unrealistic)… This book is way too long for its content. Repetitive, with a lot of unnecessary moments or conversations. And descriptive paragraphs about details that don’t matter (like a charging phone) annoy me even more, when contrasted with actual themes that could’ve been explored, shown – but only had the place to be told. I guess this is the biggest problem with “Intermezzo”, everything that we know about what is happening, or about the characters, comes from telling. Rarely does anything get confirmation when it’s shown, especially the deeper stuff.

Additionally, they are all painfully immature, and for half of the novel, it’s all about sex. Disappointing. Rooney, you could've done better.

What is more, I found that the female characters were horribly shallow and functioned only as the object of desire of one of the Koubek brothers. They did not have other purpose, nor other traits that would add to their personas. It does seem weird to me, considering that the author is a woman as well, and I wanted to highlight it in this review. It is definitely something to look at in Rooney's writing in general, as I had the same impression with all of her 3 other novels.

I could probably say much more, but to be honest, I’m so tired of “Intermezzo”, I really don’t want to waste more time on it. I do not get the hype, and I wonder why so many people don’t see how shallow and uninteresting this book truly is. It doesn't give the reader anything — any insight into grief, human relationships, ways to process different emotions/situations... It's just there.

[thesimquarter]

Jade Pingree is the all-business (and pretty rude) head of the Barkersville Companion Club.

Meredith is part librarian and part party girl. She’s serious during the day, and playful at night.

v - ramblings under the cut - v

I almost never see people talking about the characters from the Sims 2 Pets GBA. I mean. that's understandable. Sims 2 Pets for GBA was not only released two years after the DS was released, but it was also bad.

The Sims 2 Pets for GBA takes a lot of inspiration from the other GBA Sims games, with an isometric artstyle and a mixture of adventure elements and simulation elements. Howeverrr, the problem seems to be that it doesn't feel like it actually knows what to do with it.

The minigames are tedious and boring. Aforementioned minigames pay peanuts and rely on an NPC being in a specific location to do them. Characters have little personality; 70% of the dialogue in this game is completely exchangeable. There's no way to easily find NPCs that you need to find (read: phone call), even though they all have schedules and move all the time. The game doesn't keep track of missions. There's like three different kinds of burglars, and there's no way to stop them from coming to your house (what the fuck). Training your pets is so tedious and repetitive and yet everything else feels like a distraction from it. You can randomly, and frequently, get sick, from fully cooking your food with eight levels of cooking skill and using good kitchen items. Everything breaks down and is dirty all the time. Eating dog food is safer than cooking. This game is having me eat dog food because just cooking feels like a risk. And there's just so much more that annoys me about it.

Okay, I'm done complaining. There's not much to compliment about the game. It does have its charm but wears off as the tediousness of all of its various mechanics settles in. I mean. I'd like to know more about the characters, but also... I don't care.

I really wanted to make Jade. Unlike nearly every other character, she does, actually, have a personality. Even if it absolutely sucks. Meredith is my favorite character in the game. I can't explain why, but her design is neat and she seems really nice and likable. I was considering doing more (read: Elza and Hugo) but after I finished these two I. couldn't be bothered.

I feel as if Meredith brings the Blue Hair and Pronouns to Barkersville. She also has this kind of warmness that I haven't really gotten from other characters in this game. And I believe she's close with Kirk (... Carbon?). I'd suspect they were dating, as they both have positive reactions when they mention each other and I caught them going on a Graveyard Date at 1:00 AM. But when I talked to Kirk he said even though he's with a girl, he thought Celina was hot. So I can only make one conclusion: leave your shitty boyfriend, Meredith!!!

And on Jade: She's definitely on the Barkersville HOA (and Barkersville definitely has one!). She's just that kind of demon. It's mentioned that the Pingree's are a wealthy family. So, I don't think she has a job. Instead, she just torments her community with her influence.

Anyways. I don't actually know anything else about these characters beyond this. So. Um.

I had a lot of fun making these; I'm planning on doing something similar to this for all the Sims 2 GBA characters. I remade them all a few months ago, wanted to do renders to show them all off, and I want the excuse to write things like this about every single character. :) (and. I tried to do them all at once. but um. hm. that's just a little too much.) It'll take a while to actually finish anything w/ that because i need to experiment with format. I gave some of them outfits in other categories than 'everyday,' so I'm thinking about rendering those out, butttt that's up in the air.

[sols-wild-ride]

Bad Music Bracket: Rounds 5 and 6 Repost

Well after two rounds of Hydrogen Bombs vs coughing babies, we finally have one match up where it is two coughing babies against each other vs a set of hydrogen bombs fighting each other. No, I will not specify which is which.

The Smurfs - I've Got A Little Puppy vs Tom McGovern - Government is Pasta

and

Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl vs Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines

IF YOU VOTED ALREADY PLEASE REVOTE AGAIN

Judges' Votes Below(To be updated as well)

See the votes as they were at the time(disregard mine, I had to in the image to see the results thus far)

Sol's Votes - I've Got a Little Puppy and Blurred Lines

Both Little Puppy and Government is Pasta both clearly have something in their DNA that they are pulling from. The former I Wanna be a Hippy and the latter is obviously a Rage Against the Machine and Beastie Boy's pastiche. Being a parody of Rage or the Beastie Boys is always going to sound better than pulling from an obnoxious techno song.

I do not care for either of these songs, but I do not hate them either. Blurred Lines gets my vote because at least I know Gwen Stefani has bangers from her No Doubt days and even from when she went pop, whereas Robin Thicke fucked up music copyright and dropped mid.

Joe's Votes- “I Got a Little Puppy” and “Blurred Lines”

“I Got a Little Puppy” is a prime example of music made solely to sell a novelty licensed song to kids that’s devoid of heart, thought, or frankly interest. “The Government is Pasta” is pretty unfunny and musically seems confused whether it wants to be a parody of Garage Rock or something like nu metal, but the absurdity of the whole song at least makes it interesting and is a mercifully short 2 minutes. “I Got a Little Puppy” is boring and grating in equal measure, and wears out its welcome with 3 and a half minutes of thoroughly uninteresting music.

I could understand someone seeing “Hollaback Girl” as cringy or annoying, maybe even kind of boring, but I honestly think it’s pretty fun. I’ll admit to some nostalgia, but there are some interesting bits of music and instrumentation going on there, as well as a kind of pep rally aesthetic that gives it an identity that I find pretty fun. “Blurred Lines” musically is fine, and I’ll set aside any of its supposed legal issues and just say it does have a fun and funky beat. It does get rather repetitive and feels fairly flat, the initial funk kick never adds much depth beyond its initial impression, and it ends up being a kind of solid if a bit forgettable sound. The lyrics however, are the star of the show here in the most negative fashion. They ooze utter sleaze and an overtone of misogyny to a level that leans into rape culture. It wasn’t quite as bad in that regard as I recalled, but still has several lines that leave a bad taste in your mouth. When it’s not being scummy, the lyrics are being just cheesy and lame, “what rhymes with hug me” and the self-snicker that goes along with it is the cherry on top of all the other issues that earn this song the title of worst this go around.

Matt's Votes- Government is Pasta and Hollaback Girl

I Got a Puppy is everything I don’t like about a kid’s show song. It’s annoying in its notation, composition and lyrics and is grating to the ears. I can’t recommend listening to this in any fashion at all. My vote is going to Government is Pasta because this is at least a rejected Schoolhouse Rock song some kid made to remember the presidents by equating them to pasta. This song has no idea what it wants to be but I’d rather send this through the bracket than I Got a Puppy.

Hollaback Girl isn’t great but I have fun listening to it if I ever catch it somewhere. Blurred Lines is the unfortunate battleground of legal issues and rapey tones aside, I just don’t care for this song. I have had to erase it because I worked at an arcade and this would play as part of the demo on a DDR cab and it would also play over the radio so I was getting a double dose most days. My vote goes to Hollaback Girl to send Blurred Lines home, no loser’s bracket

Adam's Votes- I Got a Little Puppy and Blurred Lines

I like Tom McGovern, although I’m mostly familiar with his TikTok, and I like this song just fine. It’s a very simple joke but it fits his style of humor and it’s under 2 minutes. More comedy songs should try to be under 2 minutes. I vote for The Smurfs, because Jeeeezus what the hell was that?

Hollaback Girl has better memes and doesn’t have any ick, I vote Blurred Lines

[romana-after-dark]

Ghost of You: Chapter 5

Ellie Miller & Joel Miller

ft. Tommy Miller, Lorenzo and Zach Aleverano

Masterlist

Summary: 16 years after her mom and dad's death, Ellie is finding her place in Jackson, being raised by her Uncle Tommy with the help of her uncle's Lorenzo and Zach. She loves them, but can't help but feel stifled. Soon, she finds out her suspicions were true, and her uncles have been lying to her. Will Ellie learn the truth? Can she trust anyone in this situation?

Takes place after The Wrong Way, but if you havn't read that series (too dark for you, too long, etc) you can read this. Since it's through Ellie's perspective, you can discover the truth alongside her.

DARK FIC! This is a dark!Joel, with canon typical violence and extra on the Joel. Anything discussed or shown in TWW is liable to be discussed here. There will be violence, but no shown sexual violence. Although this Joel is very dark, he is NOT DARK TO ELLIE. None of the things that happened to Ellie's mom are applicable to Ellie, but will be discussed.

Content warnings for entire series, not chapter by chapter unless more is added.

Talk/mentions/discussions of post rape, molestation, torture, violence, branding, forced breeding, major age gap (early 20's to later 40's), death. Child endangerment, major character death, murder, homophobic remarks, minor hate crime, manipulation, identity crisis.

Extra warning for depiction of death and detailing of everything that was done to Ellie's mom. I'm kinda iffy on whether I liked how the reality was told to Ellie. If you read TWW you know this all already so maybe you think this boring to recount it all but I needed Ellie to get the full truth and I have readers on AO3 who havnt read TWW so they need to know the gravity of the situation the same way we do. Sorry if its repetitive but maybe it's interesting to have different perspective. I don't have Ellie's reaction to each bit of info but In my head imagining a flashback cut with scenes from TWW like a movie XD

**************

She was coming home late. Again. Ellie had attended Jack’s funeral and stuck around long enough to talk a little with Maura and June before heading out to see Joel. Her aunt’s lied, but not as extensively and often as her uncle’s who were a part of her day to day life, forming her identity that was now in shambles, the identity that was beginning to be wrapped around Joel. She would be a raider, she would be a protector, a provider, she would be her dad’s right hand man and take over for him when he could no longer.

It was exhausting, all of it. Joel had been taking her on a few trips to collect payment, trips that had gone smoothly and Joel explained how the protection worked, the parameters, how he dispersed his men. He even took her out with him to bring food to a family. She saw the good he was doing, she saw the joy in the little boy’s face. It was going good.

But she was tired. School started back up again; her last year, technically, although she wasn’t going to stay very long. Once Joel had promised her a place to live, Ellie had already mentally left. It was just a matter of leaving. She never spoke to Tommy outside of him informing her when the funeral was, she wouldn’t miss him, she insisted to herself. After cremating Jack’s body, it took nearly two weeks to do an actual funeral since it was bailing season. The crops don’t stop for mourning, and the crops are needed to live. Ellie would miss Lorenzo and Zach, she could admit that to herself, even a little bit… Dina was who was hard to leave.

“Hey Ellie belly” Lorenzo’s voice in the darkness.

“Jesus” She jumped, turning to see a vague outline of her uncle on the porch in the moon light. “We have lights here. You don’t have to lurk in the dark”

She heard him chuckle, muttering “fair enough” before turning the porch light on. “Attracts mosquitoes” He reasoned. “But I suppose mosquito season’s winding down.”

Ellie shrugged, then moved to get back in her house.

Lorenzo called to her. “Elles, c’mon. Sit with me a bit? It’s been a long day…” Now that the light was on, she could see his wrecked state. Blunt in one hand, Tommy’s moonshine in another, the lamplight reflecting off his wet face.

And Ellie felt bad. Bad enough and tired enough from the constant balance of school, work, Joel that she didn’t have it in here to fight tonight.

She stepped up on the porch, sitting on the chair and Lorenzo poured her a cup of moonshine. “Don’t tell your dad”

“He’s not my dad” Ellie glared at him, but Lorenzo just rolled his eyes.

“Sure, Ellie belly.” He took a sip before sighing. Lorenzo was wasted. “I’ve missed you, kid, I know you’re going through something, and that’s okay. We’ve all been there, to some extent. As long as you don’t have a crisis and join the army like Tommy, you’ll be okay.

Ellie couldn’t help but laugh at that. She hadn’t joined the army, but she doubted Lorenzo would be thrilled at what she did join. “Well, I won’t join the army, I can promise you that.”

“You’re a good kid, Ellie.” Lorenzo told her before they fell into a comfortable silence, taking a drink, then a hit, then a drink, then a hit…

It was nice out, a cool late summer night, the sounds of people on mainstreet still partying into the wee hours. It was well deserved. Everyone that was able bodied helped with bailing and harvest, even the ones who were too young to have jobs yet. It was necessary for survival. But after working hard, the town of Jackson played hard too. Ellie wanted to incorporate something like this into Joel’s regime, something Joel liked the sound of. He didn’t know much about farm work,  but said for a while, Ellie’s mom had a mini farm going a garden ig enough to feed his men and often donate to other families. She had chickens, sheep, a few pigs, and talked about getting cattle one day. Joel said he thought Ellie could do it, starting small like her mom and working her way bigger, providing employment to families who needed it. He had even gotten to work rebuilding the chicken coupe her mom used. It would be good. Ellie would do good. She cared about people.

“They tell you what they found on Jack’s body?” Lorenzo’s voice broke Ellie out of her thoughts.

“Huh?” She said, still tired and a bit dazed from her drink. Lorenzo was slouched in his chair, looking over the railing of his porch. Looking right past her.

“Jack. That found initials on his body… carved into his skin.”

Suddenly, Ellie was thrust back to the day she watched the man die in front of her, when she walked away and Joel stayed behind a moment… ‘Always take credit for what you do, Ellie June. Never hide in the shadows.’ “Why… why are you telling me this…”

Lorenzo looked about as dazed as Ellie felt eyes glazed over “Just reminded me of your dad, is all.”

That familiar cold chill, the flush she felt on her cheeks… what was he talking about? What was he doing? “You never… you never talk about my dad.”

His eyes met hers, and he didn’t look like Lorenzo… he looked tired, he looked sad, he looked so unlike her fun loving uncle she had adored months ago. Something was wrong. Something was really fucking wrong. 

“Didn’t wanna lie to you, Ellie belly. I know I technically did, ly’n by omission, but I never told you no lies…”

Despite the chill on her skin, all Ellie could feel was the heat at her skin. She would not have a panic attack, she would not pass out, she would hear what he was going to tell hear. She held his eyes. “Were the others lying?” She asked, heat rate picking up, the aggressive rise and fall of her chest would give away the anxiety she felt if Lorenzo wasn’t three sheets to the wind.

Lorenzo gave a dry laugh, looking away again. “You know damn well we have. You’ve been saying it for a while.” He leaned his head back, looking up at the night sky above him.

Leaning forward, resting her arms on her knees. “Renzo.” She tried to get his attention. “I need you to look at me.” Lorenzo did as she said, a distinct sadness wrinkling in his aging face. “You need to tell me what they lied about.”

“You think you’re ready?” His tone was serious, dark and a warning that she may not like what she heard. But if Lorenzo never lied, she could trust him, right? Or should he trust Joel? Or should she trust Tommy? Everything was a mess, and she admitted, perhaps for the first time, she didn’t buy Joel’s answer when she asked him about Jack. A seed of doubt had been planted, and Lorenzo was watering it. Drunk, however, she bet she could get the truth out of him. 

Ellie pulled her chair closer to her uncle. “Tell me everything”

He stared at her, a cold expression but warmth in his eyes. Even when they fought, she was never scared of him. Lorenzo loved her, and fuck if she didn’t love him too. She needed to know the truth, even if it made the ones she loved look bad.

“Your dad is a alive, and he is a horrible, evil man.” Hell of a way to start. Lorenzo leaned in closer, wobbling a bit but coherent nonetheless. “You ready for a story? Because your aunts and uncles sure told you a good one. I was there when Tommy and Zach planned it out. Zach could’ve been a writer in another life.” He gave a wry laugh, but the sparkle in his eye briefly returned. He loved his husband. “I’m gonna tell you everything I know, because I think you deserve to understand where you came from, even if it ain’t the fairytale you were given. You think you can handle that?”

Ellie was growing frustrated. “Tell me!”

And god, did he ever.

“Your mom was twenty years old when your grandpa sold her to Joel. He was behind on payment he owed Joel- I should backtrack, your dad, uncle tommy and me were all raiders. We aint proud of it, but it’s what happened. I wasn’t there when this happened yet, but this is what Tommy told me- anyway, your grandpa molested your mom, but she remained a virgin so he told that to Joel. Joel became obsessed, taking your mom off to his house where Tommy, him, and other members lived. Tommy and your mom… well, there’s a lot there, a lot I think Tommy should have a chance to explain it better himself. But they were good friends. For months, your mom endured rape and torture from Joel, the only reason she lived is because Tommy did his best to take care of her. Zach… for a long time, Zach didn’t like Tommy, ‘bout killed him in a fight, blaming him for not helping her but…” Tommy shook his head as if trying to get images out of his mind. “Your mom was so twisted up by the end, she didn’t know which way was up. Another raider, not me, not Tommy and not Jack, his name was Nick.

“He raped your mom, and when she finally told Tommy, and Tommy told Joel, Joel skinned him alive. With your pocket knife actually. I think that’s when things changed for her. Joel has this way about him, this ability to manipulate. It didn’t matter that Joel raped your mom too, that he branded her after she tried to escape the first time, that he kidnapped her and tried to kill Zach, no, he had protected her from Nick and he had these moments of gentleness… your mom fell in love. Well. whatever version of love you could have in those circumstances.”

Ellie was fighting for her life, trying to stay conscious, not panic, not lack out… she needed to know the truth… but Joel? Her Joel? Her dad? She was a product of rape? Branding? Jesus, how many horrors had her mom endured in her short life? Ellie urged him on.

“How did she die?” Her voice was flat and numb.

“Honestly, I think she was slowly dying the whole time. Even after things calmed down, when Joel treated her better… she was dying. After Nick was killed, I was moved up, and your uncle Zach hired me to give everyone food poisoning so he could rescue her… that’s how we met, actually… your mom refused. She was convinced that Joel was the safest option for me.”

“What? Why? That makes no sense!”

Lorenzo sighed, scrubbing his face. “I know, Ellie, I know. Listen, in the beginning I didn’t really get it either, I still don’t, not really, but… I think it’s one of those things you can never truly understand unless you’re there. Like I said, your mom was sexually abused her whole life, your grandpa allowing men to beat her and sexually assault her in other ways outside of sex, Zach and June were the only kindness she’d known since her own mom died… Joel provided for her, food, protection, warmth, and company. She got to know a lot of the guys in the house, Tommy, Jack… later on, me. Joel wasn’t hurting her anymore, it was better than the life she knew outside that house. Anyway, Joel found out Tommy was fucking around with Maria back then and almost killed him, your mom stepped in, and Joel put a gun to her head, said if she didn’t kill tommy, he’d kill her. I think that’s why Tommy felt so indebted to her… she refused to kill him. In the end, Joel let them both live, kicking Tommy out. A few weeks later, she figured out she was pregnant and I think a flip switched in Joel. What they told you about Sarah, that’s all true. I think he thought he could bring Sarah back in some way… That’s when your mom and I got close. Everything was going relatively well for a few months, but when your mom was 8 months pregnant, I don’t know what she said that set Joel off but” He closed his eyes tightly. The memory was clearly painful to him. “He freaked out on her, beating her in the kitchen. She started screaming for Tommy and… god, I can never get that sound out of my head, I hear it in my sleep sometimes. I was frozen, I should’ve helped her but… Joel, when he’s on a rampage… he’ll kill anyone and everyone in his path but that’s not an excuse. She was an innocent pregnant woman and Joel was trying to kill her.” He opened his eyes again, tears glistening in the artificial light. “Completely innocent. Never done a thing wrong in her life, but I can’t think of anything a woman could do to deserve what was done to her that year. What’s done is done, I guess. But he took her out to tree, tying up a noose around her neck as they stood on a chair, threatening to kick it out from under her; he had her on her tippy toes, gasping for air as he was screaming how pathetic she is, a bad mom, her kid and Joel didn’t deserve her… jesus.

“It was when he walked away, leaving her up there and telling us that anyone that helped her would be killed, Jack and I got her down. She was concussed, so we had to practically carry her inside the house. That’s how I got these” Lorenzo lifted up his shirt to reveal the bullet wound Ellie knew already but didn’t know the cause behind, then pointed to the familiar scar on his forehead. “Joel pistol whipped me and shot me. It was a few days later Jack found our mom trying to leave. I took her to Jackson, Jack went to get Zach and June and Maura. We found Tommy, and he set out with her to get your mom and you to Boston. Well, Joel found them. He always would, I suppose, the man is obsessed, relentless, so convince he owned her, that she was his wife despite being what, 20? 25 years older than her? Something like that? Whatever. Tommy tried to fight him, your mom ran for it, but the trauma sent her into early labor. That girl ran for her life from Joel and a goddamn infected 8 months pregnant and still recovering from a beating and a concussion, to save you. With the knife she took off of Nicks dead body, she killed the infect while giving birth to you.” A light, disbelieving chuckle. “She was incredible. I know Tommy and Joel and Zach thought she was helpless, but she was so strong, her ability to protect you was incredible. She did it all for you, Ellie Miller. All for you. Thing was, she had gotten infected. She gave birth to you and was bit right after.” 

That was something that remained true in everyone's story, Tommy’s and Joel’s. Her mom was dead, and it was because of an infected.

“Tommy found you and her first, then Joel. Tommy shot Joel in the fight, but I guess he couldn’t make a kill shot…” Lorenzo rolled his eyes, slouching on the chair more and more, hsi eyes drooping. “In the end, Joel let Tommy have you. I think, maybe, some part of Joel did care for your mom… and Zach will disagree, but Tommy and I agree that he loved you. He loved Sarah, and he loved you. That’s why he let you go. Joel was the one to klil her. Hm. I was always gonna end like that, I think, Joel was always going to take her last breath, it was just a matter of how and when. But your mom fought, Ellie, she fought for you, for your life, for your freedom. That’s why I’m telling you this” His eyes were closed now, voice muttering. “Whatever’s going on, you need to know her and Tommy fought for you, and Tommy loves you. He doesn’t love you like his own, you are his own, there's no doubt in my head. We all love you, Ellie... So fucking much.” A light snore, and her chance to ask any questions was gone.

Ellie had to get home. She had to go home and get into bed… It wasn’t that she couldn’t believe Lorenzo… she couldn’t believe anyone.

She got up and shook him. “Lorenzo. Lorenzo!” He stirred. She just had one question, one thing she needed to know… “What was on Jack’s body? The initials”

Lorenzo was mutter incomprehensibly, and Ellie, in a panic, slapped him, his eyes shooting wide awake for a moment. “Huh?”

“Renzo! What were the goddamn initials on Jack!”

He began to fade out again, closing his eyes and mumbling what she already was pretty sure she knew. “J.M.”

“Zach!” She called, and her other uncle came outside to check on her. Ellie just told him Lorenzo fell asleep, and that she needed to go to bed. Zach took care of him. He always did. The way Zach always took care of her.

How stupid of her to doubt her family. The men who had done nothing but protect her, nurture her, make her laugh… but Joel was her family too, wasn’t he? She was almost certain Lorenzo was telling the truth… but if he was…

Ellie was in too deep with Joel. Joel had shown her private details, where he lived, patrol routes, what lands were his and how exactly he did things. She SAW HIM kill… How was she supposed to get out of this? Joel was a murderer and rapist, a woman beater who had no qualms attempting to kill his pregnant wife he claimed to love, and almost killed Tommy, his own brother… Ellie stumbled back to her house, barely shutting the door before she braced herself on a pillar in her home, hand on her chest, panting. It was coming, that tight feeling in her chest again.. Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out. She was trapped. She got entangled with a violent rapist, how did she not see this? How did she fall for it so quickly, so easily? He was so calm, so steady, so patient. Joel never pushed her, never made her feel worried. Was he grooming her? Would she fall victim to the same horrors her mom had? But she couldn’t leave… Joel would kill her… she suddenly felt like she understood why her mom couldn’t leave Joel… and that was solidified a week later when she still found herself going with Joel, unable to tell him no… She was too goddamn scared. Scared of him, scared of losing him… she wasn’t sure which.

Joel noticed her change in demeanor, but Ellie chalked it up to Jack’s death bothering her, which Joel seemed to buy. It wasn’t until a simple debt collection went wrong that Ellie knew she had to do something.

It was just meant to be Joel checking in on a debt, a farmer owed him but he said his kid had been sick and he had to trade for medicine. Ellie could see a few children in the house from where the father stood protectively at the door way, attempting to shoo away a girl not much older than she was away from the door. Ellie thought how similar this scenario was to the one Lorenzo had told her, the reality of how her mom came into Joel’s life… Would the father offer the girl to Joel? Is that a normal thing to do, sell your child for a night or for a lifetime to get out of problems? No. No way. There was no reality in which Tommy would do that, no version of Tommy that would do that to her, Tommy would die before he let someone hurt her… so why had she barely said a word to him in months? Ellie watched as the man tried to bargain, the interaction growing more and more heated until the man was yelling at Joel, calling him a cruel bastard before turning to Ellie.

“And just who is she? Another child bride? Jesus Joel, how old is she, 13? What the fuck is wrong with you, you goddamn freak- AH!” The man’s words were cut short, his scream matched by his daughter’s and Ellie’s. She watched as the man writhed and jolted in pain, hsi three children surrendering him as the eldest daughter cried out for her dad and tried to save him and he gurgled up blood

Joel, for his part, walked away, pulling Ellie along with him. “C’mon, you don't need to see that.”

“But- but- you shot him…” She gapped, even with the revelation of what Joel was, it was difficult for Ellie to reconcile the man she new with the man who had killed a father in cold blood and was currently pulling her away like it was nothing.

Ellie went with the motions, allowing Joel to practically pull her up onto the horse with him, protesting that no, they should help him they can’t just leave the family, Joel ignoring her as he sets the horse off in a run; the voices of the crying children and horrific sounds of the man slowly dying fading off behind them.

When they stopped, Ellie stumbled off the horse, only managing to walk a few step before spilling the contents of her stomach onto the ground. Joel was quickly at her side, but she jumped away at the feeling of Joel’s hand on her back

“Hey, hey it’s okay baby girl, I know that was a lot”

“You shot him!” She shouted, still bent over and spitting out the stomach bile. She could smell it, the stench permeating and adding to her own nausea. Ellie heaved again, her heart racing at the horrors she just saw. This was worse, so much worse than Jack’s death. Jack’s death was execution style. Quick. This man… she watched blood spill out of his mouth, his body twitching and wriggling in the arms of his family as he bled out; she had smelled the copper in the air.

“Ellie June, look at me, look at me baby girl. It’s me.” Joel held her shoulders, the concern so deep in his eyes… even after it all, she couldn’t doubt that he worried for her. “He was going for his gun, okay? He had a gun on his belt.”

She shook her head. “No, no I didn’t see a gun… he didn’t reach for-”

“Hey” he interrupted her, a gentle hand on her face, the sleeve of his shirt tenderly cleaning of the puke. “I wouldn’t lie to you Ellie June. That was a tense situation back there, you were probably worried, right?”

Ellie nodded. She was, she was really worried, she had been all week…

“Okay, so when you’re worried, when you begin panicking, you don’t notice things, things just get a little blurry. I know. When I used to get panic attacks, everything just faded away. But you gotta train yourself, Ellie. You’re young, you’re new to this, it’s okay. You’ve never had to worry about whether someone has a gun or not. Someone’s always been there to protect you, havn’t they? Right. That’s what I’m here for. You didn’t know there was a gun, you didn’t know he was reaching because you didn’t have to. It’s my job to protect you, Ellie June. You just didn’t notice, is all. But that’s okay, I’ll teach you, I’ll teach you to defend yourself, okay?”

… did she miss it? Had he really had a gun? Was he going to shoot Joel or Ellie…? Maybe Joel was right. She wasn’t trained for this, trained to spot it. Had Lorenzo lied? No, Lorenzo was honest… but that was his version of events. He admitted himself he didn’t come into the picture until what? Halfway through? What if Lorenzo just didn’t see the full picture like Ellie didn’t just now? 

She didn’t know what to think anymore, her doubt was with everyone, she couldn’t even trust her own reality, her own perception… Maybe Lorenzo had been lying? Joel was right, she wasn’t trained to observe… If she couldn’t trust herself, she could trust her dad… right?

When Ellie left, Joel offered to ride with her closer this time, it might be a risk but she had clearly had a shock. Ellie declined. Joel had taken her back to his place as he usually did, fed her, made sure she had what she needed or wanted before riding back with her. Ellie suggested he part from her a bit sooner rather than later, citing that after Jack’s murder, patrols have ramped up. Joel once again asked when she was moving in, and Ellie just said she has to figure out how to tell Dina, which he seemed to accept, sending her on her way with some supplies Ellie asked for, wanting to trade around town a bit. Joel never questioned when she wanted something.

He never had a reason to.

But he should’ve. As soon as she was sure he was away, the darkness on the edge of town masking him from the people who assumed he was long gone, Ellie quickly made her way back to the old farmhouse she had been to with Joel. Gathering up all her courage, Ellie knocked on the door. It was silent, but there was someone in there. Ellie attempted to deepen her voice. “Open up! I work for Joel!”

Quickly, there was movement, a scurrying and whispering to hide before the young girl from before opened up. “You. What do you want? We have nothing!” She had clearly been crying.

“I need to see your fathers body.”

She laughed in her face. “Why, you need a souvenir? Your psycho husband need proof that he’s dead or something?”

Ellie didn’t have time for this. She bypassed the husband comment about her dad and pushed through the girl, finding the man’s dead body on the ground, cleaned up.

There was no gun. 

Thus no reason for him to be dead except Joel’ anger.

Ellie remembered standing there for a while as the girl tried to keep the younger kids away, the familiar eeeeeeee in her ears that had become all too common. She remember throwing off her backpack and mumbling that it’s for them, the supplies and food Joel had given her to ‘trade’. Ellie didn’t need to trade, Tommy got her anything she needed. If Tommy couldn’t figure it out, Lorenzo or Zach would. She wanted for nothing. She had everything she needed in her uncles whose only sin was lying, and after learning the truth, could she blame them? She was conceived out of rape an violence, no wonder Joel saw violence in her heart, no wonder Joel thought she was capable of being a raider. He had deluded her reality into thinking that no, he wasn’t a bad man, he was a leader who took care of his people; that was proven false.

Joel didn’t kill the man in the woods because he was a rapist.

Joel killed Jack because he helped her mom escape the violence.

Joel didn’t kill the man at the farm because he was going for a gun.

He killed an innocent father who was trying to protect his children just because he owed him payment and insulted him.

She didn’t remember the ride home.

All Ellie remembered was walking into her house, her home, and finding Tommy sitting at the kitchen table, head in his hands. When he looked up, there were tears in his eyes that he quickly tried to wipe away. “Oh. Hey.” He said hesitantly, surprised she was in the room long enough for him to get a word out. “I thought you were in bed?”

Ellie was home. She was home and she was safe. Safe enough to allow the panic to set in, the anxiety; she no longer has to just power through it. Tommy was there to take care of her. “I’ve been… I’ve been sneaking out…”

“I know” Tommy nods, eyes still wet but laced with worry for her now. “I’ve known all year…”

This revelation was new to her. Tommy had known all along? Long before she met Joel and every changed, the panic attacks started, she saw death for the first time… “You knew?” Ellie hated how her voice cracked. Ellie June Miller didn’t cry… but damn if she just might start.

“Yeah. The gun cabinets been unlocked since I found out… figured if you were in trouble you could take a gun.”

She wished she’d figured that out before. “Then why didn’t you stop me!” She was frustrated, at herself and at Tommy, the residual anger she felt at being lied to was still there despite finding out why. She couldn’t turn that off in a matter of hours.

“Ellie, honey, the world is different from what I had as a teenager. You think I never snuck out? Of course I did. I may not seem like it, maybe I seem boring and old now but I was young once too. But what am I supposed to do? Back in my day, I could ground you… but at 16, you’re practically an adult. You work, you do patrols, fuck, I can’t stop you from doing anything if I wanted to… so, all I can do is try to have a relationship where you can talk to me if you need to but…” He turned away for a moment, breathed, and turned back. “Somehow I managed to mess that up recently. Ellie, I don’t know what I did but… I’m sorry, whatever it is. You gotta know how much I love you.” When Tommy’s tears fell again, Ellie’s did too. “You gotta know you’re my whole world, nothing in this life matters more to me than you do.”

Ellie looked at her uncle, sitting at the table across from her. His age certainly showed, salt peppering at his black waves; his mustache was all but gray. Has he looked like this months ago? When all this started with Joel? Or had her rejection of him aged him this much… Ellie was scared. Scared of Joel, scared of what she’d seen, scared she was complicit in the death of her family and the father, scared of who she was becoming, the violence and darkness she was born into. She needed help. She needed so much fucking help because Joel was dangerous and she wasn’t strong enough to do this alone. She needed her dad. Not the dad that killed people in front of her, not the dad that killed a man she considered family. Not the dad that violently raped her mother and forced a pregacy on her, not the man that attempted to kill Tommy, Zach and Lorenzo… 

No.

Ellie needed her dad.

Tears soaked her face as she choked back a sob. “Dad, I need help” Ellie cried, voice breaking down as Tommy rushed up from the table, hurrying to her with a worry-stricken face etching at his aging features. “I’m in trouble.”

****************

NEXT CHAPTER IS OUR LAAAASSSSSTTTT

any guesses on how things end???

I wanna hear theories!

I hope the conflict in Ellie comes out, her back and forth, her inability to trust even herself. That's what Joel does best.

TOMMY AND ELLIE MAKING UUUPPPPPPP

Reblogs spread my work and comments keep me writing!

I wrote this whole thing sick and even sicker after eating bad cheese. Its been a day.

@maura-honey @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @the-fox-den @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @koshkaj-blog @miraclesabound @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @pimosworld