#IS ITS ONE OF THE ONLY THINGS I CAN THINK OF THAT SCARE ME WHILE I PLAY IT
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(Hi, so this is in Jasonâs POV with GN!reader. I hope you enjoy⊠this is my first time actually writing Jason so yay. Um warnings include allusion to potential suicide at the end, and reader becomes an aunt/uncle in one of the letters. Other then that itâs just Jason dealing with emotions đ)
The night was quiet except for the police sirens echoing throughout the city. The night was so quiet that I decided I would take off the helmet and be alone with my thoughts. A dangerous concept that I never really allowed myself to divulge into.
As I rode through the streets, letting my bike take me wherever it wanted, all my thoughts seemed to continuously circle back to them. Their laughter, their smile, all the small things that we did together before⊠I shook my head slightly, increasing the revs, it doesnât matter now. Theyâve moved on, theyâve forgotten me. And, itâs probably for the best.
I tried to think of anyone else, anything else. The lastest drug traffic, what black mask was up too. Anything. The hurt of being forgotten clawed at my heart, tearing its way into my chest. Tears filled my vision and I pulled off the road. Kicking the kickstand and turning off my bike, I practically through my helmet off. Inhaling and exhaling deep breaths, my body ragged with emotion of my past life. My life before what he turned me into.
I looked up and around at where I was. Freezing, I saw the overgrown rusted sign reading âGotham Cemeteryâ. Well, I suppose I couldnât have stayed away forever. Sighing, I made the choice to visit my grave. Trudging along the unkept, loose gravel pathway, hands in my pockets and jacket zipped up, I walked towards the barren area of my grave.
I stopped in my tracks, someone was there. Was that⊠are they at my grave? Faint sniffles and talking could be heard, but I couldnât make any of it out. I side stepped to a pillar of a gravestone, hiding behind it. I donât know exactly why I did that, I suppose I wanted to see what this person was going to do without scaring them off. I watched from the distance, as the mysterious person placed something down, a hoodie concealing their features. I continued to watch them as they stood up. As they turned to walk away, a glimpse of moonlight struck their features.
âY/N,â I whispered. They were here⊠they were visiting my grave. I- I wasnât forgotten. I nearly slapped myself for even thinking that they could have forgotten me. Never cared for me. They were too kind for that, too thoughtful, too lovingâŠ
I watched as they walked away, hands in their pockets. As they exited the cemetery, I ran wandered over there.
There it is. âJason Peter Toddâ âA Good Soldierâ.
But below the âheartfeltâ writing, was a seemed to be fresh bunch of red roses and a sturdy looking box, a metal box that appeared to be waterproof. Looking around the grave yard for anyone, I opened the box. Inside was piles upon piles of letters. Each addressed to⊠me.
So of course I did the respectful thing and opened all of them. One by one. Reading all of them.
âTo my dearest Jason,
I miss you so much. Not a day nor a second goes by where I do not think about you. Now does it result in my crying most of the day, yes. But Iâm okay with that. If I could trade all my tears, all my book collections, all my memories before you just to bring you back to me, I would. You were are the dearest thing in the world to me, my most perfect boy, and nothing can ever change that.
I love you.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
Tears pricked my eyes as I closed the letter just to open another one.
âTo my darling Jason,
I went to school today. I havenât been for a while because of⊠well, your departure. But I went today! The classes were boring, English made me think of you. Our friends say Iâm not my usual self, but who can blame me. I only lost you 2 months ago. The wound is still fresh. But I know you would want me to continue school, get an education in this world, to take care of my self. It will be hard, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Iâm looking forward to seeing you again, someday.
I love you.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
Each letter recited their day to me. It was like I was there, having them come home to me and telling me every little thing they did that day. Like I was watching them do it. A smile was plaster on my face as tears were streaming down my face. I barely noticed except for the few drops that landed on the paper. I was so incredibly happy, yet so incredibly sad. They didnât forget me, they love me. Anger tore through me, I canât believe that fucker took me away from them. But I continue reading. New emotions tearing through me with each day or week that I read. New boyfriend? Instant no, turns out that they broke up after a week. Good, still single then.
A twinge of guilt hit me as I though that as I closed the letter. They should be happy. They deserve to be happy, I shouldnât be happy that a relationship didnât work out because it wasnât with me.
I continued on reading all night and into the early morning.
âTo the love of my life that will forever have my heart,
I became an aunt/uncle (Iâm sorry I donât know a gender neutral term đ) today!! I have a beautiful nephew named Ben. Iâm so happy, heâs so cute and already curious for the world. He reminds me of you actually. I was a crying mess when I held him in my arms for the first time. My sister is so happy but recovering from the birth. I wish you could meet him. As I wish on every single shooting star I see, somehow wishing you back into existence with me. To have everything how it should be. You and me together.
I love you.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
As the sunâs rays started to bless the dark Gotham sky, glistening on my tear streaked face and soppy grin. I came to the last letter. The letter that they just put here today, or I suppose yesterday now.
âTo my precious boy,
I love you with all my heart, and I will never stop. But times are getting hard and all I want in life is to see you again. I know itâs bad. I know I should go talk to someone, but non of them understand. Except for Dick, I see him every fortnight when he comes up to Gotham from Bludhaven. I donât long for anything on this earth anymore than I long for your arms around me again. Your scent to envelope me again. All your clothes have lost your scent, your room in the manor is losing it too.
No one understands me like you do Jay. Every new relationship that my friends nudge me towards fail because Iâm looking for you. Your caring nature, your love for classic literature, your passion for fighting for those that canât fight for themselves. I miss you too much, and I have tried so hard these past 2 years⊠I know you must be disappointed in me. But youâve surely seen me struggle these past years without you.
I love you so so much, I hope you can forgive me when we meet again very soon.
Yours forever,
Y/Nâ
My eyes widened as I finished the letter. My brain short circuited, not computing what I just read. They were- no I canât let that happen. I shoved the letter back into the box with the others and ran to my bike.
No one could save me. But I damn well as going to save them.
Please Y/N, I love you too. Every wish you made has come true. Iâm here now, just wait a little longer. I memorised their current address from 2 of the letters they had written. I didnât care for the road rules, the street signs, the speed limits. I was getting them before we had a reverse Romeo and Juliet.
jason todd x reader where the reader still presumes heâs dead and visits his grave every week to give him a letter because they used to communicate through letters for fun to the point where his grave has boxes of letters. meanwhile, jason thinks reader forgot about him until he visits his own grave to see reader dropping off another letter and after they leave he takes the time to read each letter theyâve left since he died and gets emotional. okay, goodnight !
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request for a logan x reader where logan comforts the reader after they come home from a mission all bloodied up? i see a lot of reader comforting logan fics but im curious to see how itd be the other way round :)
me? responding to a request like three weeks later? it's more likely than you think. also sorry it's so short. originally it turned into smut but i didn't know if you'd want that given the request was for hurt/comfort. (if you guys want i can publish the alternate smut version of this fic too).
solace
summary: you come home from a mission gone wrong and logan helps you through it.
warnings: death (offscreen), blood, non-sexual intimacy, nudity, reader has hair, pet names (logan canonically calls his love interests "darlin'" and this is me pushing that agenda), english is not my first language so please do not be rude
word count: 1004
youâre splattered in blood and grime, grey ash streaking your skin from the fire created by a little boy lashing out at the world. he had set his own house on fire, his parents dying in the most brutal of ways, burned alive.
âoh princess, câmere,â logan pulls you into his arms. youâre in too much shock to argue, letting him manoeuvre you like a doll.
you donât like going on missions, donât like hurting people. youâre only ever sent on the easy ones, the non-violent ones, where you try to convince mutant kids to join the school. youâre good at talking to children, at getting them to admit their fears to you, at soothing their worries. but even the easy missions donât always go well.
charles could sense that this particular child was powerful, and far worse than that, he was angry. heâd lashed out when heâd seen you, screamed in anger when his parents expressed a desire for him to go to xavierâs school, to learn to control himself before he came back home again. his parents were frightened too, scared of what might happen if things continued the way they were.
theyâd all died in the explosion of his power.
he was so scared. he never meant to hurt anyone, you could see it in his eyes when the fire continued to burn despite him letting go. it was out of control, no longer a part of him that he could control like an extra limb, but something with a mind of its own.
it reminds you of yourself when youâd first discovered your abilities, scared and alienated from the rest of the world, from the non-mutants around you. you see yourself in every kid you save, and in every kid you lose.
you stay in loganâs arms for a long while, the only sound in the room his steady breathing contrasting with your ragged, choked out sobs. his chest rises steadily against yours, a rhythm that you try to imitate but you canât, and with every failed inhale you feel your frustration grow, your panic increase.
he picks you up easily, and you instinctively wrap your legs around his waist, clutching onto him so as not to fall. he would never drop you, you know that, but itâs always a slight surprise when youâre not expecting him to lift you from the ground.
he leads you to the bathroom where he helps you strip out of your clothes, so gentle with your shaking form. his hands trace each new sliver of skin revealed to him, keeping a firm pressure on you always, grounding you, reminding you of where you are. not in a burning house watching a childâs corpse go pitch black from the flames, but in the house that logan bought the two of you, not too far from the school but enough to give the two of you privacy.
in the shower, the blood rinses off your skin, pink rivulets swirling down the drain. yet you can still feel it, thick and sticky and warm. you want to scrub at your skin until its red and blistering, until you have to grow a new layer of skin, a fresh one that hasnât been touched by death.
logan doesnât let you. he catches your hand and whispers, âlet me take care of you, darlinâ.â
you lean into his bare chest and he massages shampoo into the roots of your hair, over your scalp until it foams, and then rinses it away. he runs your conditioner - the one he always claims is too expensive and why would you spend so much on hair products - through your hair, tugging gently at the strands when he notices you disappearing into your mind.
afterwards he pats you dry, and kisses every inch of your skin, reverent, on his knees before you. and then he rises to his feet and finally presses his lips to yours, soft and intimate, not rushed or heated, just reassurance that heâs here, heâs got you, and heâs not going anywhere.
âdo you want to talk about it?â he asks eventually.
you shake your head, âhe was just a kid.â
âi know,â logan says, rubbing his large, rough hands over your arms, up and down, âbut itâs not your fault, you know that. you canât control what other people do. dâyou blame storm for what happened?â
âno!â you exclaim, eyes wide at the implication that one of your best friends could have caused the boys death.
âbut she was on the mission with you,â logan comments, and you shake your head, âif you donât blame her, you canât blame yourself. neither of you knew, you couldnâtâve stopped it.â
âmaybe,â you say. you donât really believe it, but logan knows itâll take you time to get back to your usual happy self, and heâs fine with staying by your side, whispering praise and reassurance until you start to believe him again.
afterwards, he puts on your favourite movie. he spends the whole time making fun of the characters and their decisions, grumbling about how movies will base their entire plot progression on actions no real, rational person would ever do, until you giggle wetly and slap him in the arm, telling him to shut up and let you watch the film.
you lean back into the circle of his arms and he holds you tight, occasionally wiping stray tears that run down your cheeks. thereâs less tension in your muscles now, but youâre not quite relaxed, so he shuffles the two of you around until he can massage your shoulders and back.
you moan at the feeling, sinking into the sensation of his large hands working at the knots, until youâre putty for him. you feel warm and fuzzy by the time his hands start to stray down, massaging your thighs.
âfeelinâ better?â he asks as the end credits roll, pressing a kiss to your hair.
âyeah,â you sigh, âthank you for taking care of me.â
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett x y/n#logan howlett fanfiction#wolverine#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine x y/n#wolverine fanfiction#logan howlett x fem reader#logan howlett x fem!reader#wolverine x fem reader#wolverine x fem!reader#james logan howlett#wolverine logan howlett#logan howlett headcanons#logan howlett drabble#logan howlett oneshot#wolverine headcanons#wolverine drabble#wolverine oneshot#logan howlett fluff#wolverine fluff#logan howlett angst#wolverine angst#the wolverine#x men origins wolverine#x men 2000#deadpool and wolverine
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Plsplspls daisuke and reader romance hcs and my soul is yours
gn/transmasc whichever you prefer thank you so much
daisuke x reader | headcanons
part 4:
Romance edition
pay up anon đ«Žđ /j no, bc I have notes about this already and I saw you pop up in my notifs.
â ïž: đ gn pronouns and masc pronouns* used, fluff, nothing explicit but there is implied sex (don't worry, it's optional. I put it at the end so you can skip.)
*bonus transmasc!reader category
đș Mentioned in a previous post. You fall first, he falls harder. He doesn't even notice until later on when he's doing the most mundane task and he catches himself smiling - "Oh."- while thinking of you. "Shiiiit."
đș The D in Daisuke stands for dense. Dense, dense, dense. To be fair, you guys are close and everything you've done together was seen as platonic. Heavy on was.
"Are you really bros if you don't cuddle to sleep?"
đș C'mon. He'll treat this like a romance visual novel game and you are the main and only love interest. It makes him less nervous this way.
đș Daisuke - for the life of him - could not use endearments. It makes him cringe. Will most likely call you by nickname or dude/bro (gnc).
"Babe... Baby... Honeyâ PFFT-" "Daisuke." Last name mouthwashing. Followed by whatever his last name was. You gave him a warning tone. "I can't help it!" He stifles his laughter but it turns into a fit of giggles.
đș Best friends to lovers is a perfect trope with him. I feel like the confession will come in naturally. You become best friends, blur the lines of platonic and romantic without realizing it, and the next thing you know, you're dating.
đș Experience wise? He's had a few relationships in highschool. Doesn't even know if he considers it as a relationship if he were honest. More-so flings.
â ïž Implied sex. Ignore if uncomfortable.
đș If I were to lean more on to his mature side, then maybe things got too intimate. No promises of what happens next, but surely, you'd both question it. Don't get me wrong though, definitely an each other's firsts situation still.
Your sports watch vibrates on the table side, its buzz louder against the surface it was on. Groggily, you sit up, stretching and flinching at how sore you were before orienting yourself, unconsciously tugging the blanket closer to you. The faint sound of the shower beside the shared room reminds you of the events last night and your brain felt like it was about to shortcircuit, thoughts silencing quickly as you hear the bathroom door open, making you snap your head back up and you felt like having another wire shorting in your brain at the sight, but you push it away for now. "Mornin'!" And he says your name so sweetly, enthusiastically. Your heart ached. "I didn't take too long right? Did you just wake up?" Your silence scared him, even more so when you hung your head low. He calls your name. "Did you not like last night? Ah, fuck- Is anything painful? I'm sorry. We don't have to do this again. I'm sâ" "Daisuke?" "Y-Yeah? What's up? Seriously, you're worrying me, dude. Did I hurt you?" "What are we?"
[ Bonus: Transmasc!Reader ]
đș Seeing your binder for the first time?
You two were back at your shared quarters. The day had just ended and you just wanted to change into your sleepwear and crash. "Dude, that looks uncomfy. You sure it ain't too tight?" "Nah. I made sure it fit. I have looser ones just incase. Don't worry, Dai." You were about to remove it when you notice him staring. Before this, you've been changing in the bathroom already, and at times he'd just turn away when you tell him to. He only realizes when you haven't moved for awhile and he instantly flinches. "Oh, sorry- turning riiiight now!" "We're dating already... It's okay." Plus, totally normal to see dudes topless. He tilts his head curiously as he watches and it would be a lie if it didn't make you slightly conscious of your appearance, but you trust him. The smitten look he has makes you feel better. His eyes dart down to the small dents on your skin left by the band and his hand twitches. "Can I massage it?" "What? My tits?" He calls out your name in mock frustration before laughing. "Y'know what I mean!" "Yeah, yeah. Make some space on the bed then."
đș Probably would love pressing the marks away. Also, he gets to cling onto you while at it so win-win right?
đș Top scars?
"Duuuuuude. That's sick as fuck." His head was hanging by the edge of the bed, watching you change while upside down. "Hm?" "The scars. How'd you gettem? Don't look like it's from an accident." "... Surgery?" "Oh?" He stays quiet for a moment trying to piece two and two together. You wait for him with an amused expression. "OHHHHHH." Right, he didn't know. "Still sick as fuck though."
đș feeling dysphoric? he already treats you like a king, but hopefully you won't get too overwhelmed with his advances when he notices you feeling down.
"hey, handsome." "pretty boy!"
đș if he didn't know you were trans and you tell him, he'd be confused but in a way that's like, "I still love you, y'know. That ain't changin'!"
[ Updates: ]
đȘ i'm working on another ask at the moment and it involves a pilot intern!reader. they req afab!reader but it's difficult for me to write femmes and i usually go for gn or transmasc readers :(( I hope that's alright. I can try to make a separate post and do femme pronouns. What do you guys think?
it's going to be longer than my usual posts so it may take some time. so yeah! hopefully the anon who req it sees this.
That's all, thank you for reading!
#rambles#daisuke mouthwashing#daisuke#daisuke x reader#mouthwashing#x reader#headcanon#transmasc reader
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I've made a post about great lesser-known noirs, but it occurs to me that some of you might not be familiar with the classics, and might want to know where to start. This is a ridiculously short list- I have a million more to talk about- but here are some of the big stars of the genre.
The Maltese Falcon: Sam Spade, a clever but callous private detective, gets wrapped up in intrigue relating to an artifact that is functionally cursed. If he's an unscrupulous character, just wait until you meet everyone else. The whole damn cast is electrifying, lending charm and cruelty in equal measure.
The Big Sleep: Philip Marlowe, a kinder and more poetic detective for Humphrey Bogart to play than Spade, is called upon to deal with a wealthy, dysfunctional family, and it keeps on getting weirder from there. Is the sharp-tongued Vivian Sternwood the femme fatale she seems, or is she just another person trying to find the right thing to do in desperate circumstances? And will she and Marlowe keep their hands off each other until the plot has had its last twist?
Double Indemnity: Rich housewife Phyllis Dietrichson and sleazy insurance agent Walter Neff are, by their own admission, rotten people. It's only natural that they should plot a murder together, and that they should turn on each other the very second things go wrong. Every single domestic murder movie since 1944 has ripped this off.
Kiss Me Deadly: This is nominally an adaptation of a Mike Hammer story. Screenwriter Bezzerides hated Mike Hammer. As depicted here, he is one of the worst people in the world. Depending on the cut of the film you see, he may inadvertently cause the nuclear apocalypse. (For once, the theatrical cut is darker.)
Sweet Smell of Success: Cruel, all-powerful columnist JJ Hunsecker wants his sister's boyfriend out of the way (for reasons that are, um, ambiguous.) To accomplish this, he enlists the biggest weasel in New York, Sidney Falco, and the two completely deserve each other as they spend the rest of the movie trading elaborate insults. Popular on tumblr for its dialogue and chemistry between the leads.
Sunset Boulevard: Broke screenwriter Joe Gillis thinks he can con a has-been into hiring him as a script doctor, and that's the last free decision he ever gets to make. From then on, his life is in the hands of Norma Desmond, silent film starlet turned crazed recluse, terrifying yet intensely pitiable. This is as much gothic horror as noir.
Ace in the Hole: The story of a man trapped in a cave is turning out to be a big hit in the newspaper, and if the publicity will make a reporter's career, then what's the harm in delaying rescue just for a little while? This is as vicious as noir gets, but damn it, you've just got to see what happens next. (Watch Jacob Geller's video Fear of the Depths after this.)
Sorry Wrong Number: Of all the films on this list, this is the one that really scared me. In the days of switchboards, a rich hypocondriac woman is connected to the wrong phone line and overhears a murder being planned. It doesn't take her long to figure out she's the intended victim, and each call she makes or recieves makes the situation darker. But how can she escape her fate if she can't- or won't leave her bed?
The Asphalt Jungle: The heist movie. Maybe the only heist movie ever made. Every line is quotable. Every member of the team is an unforgettable personality. When things go wrong, they go horribly wrong. One minute you're laughing, and the next minute you think you'll never laugh again.
Gun Crazy: Laurie and Bart, two practiced sharpshooters, are perhaps the most perfect match in all of noir- and that's a bad thing. When one half of the duo gets a criminal idea in their head, the other can't say no. When the opportunity to ditch her man like a sap comes up, the femme fatale throws it away to be doomed at his side. He fell in love with her when she first aimed a gun at him. Quentin Tarantino kissed star Peggy Cummins's feet at a showing of the film, and I hope she kicked him in the head.
Laura: Everyone was in love with Laura Hunt, and somebody killed her- or did they? Did they get the right person? Is the cop on the case in love with a dead woman? Was her columnist mentor just her gay best friend, or was there something darker beneath that facade? And what would Laura think of all this? A big inspiration on Twin Peaks.
In a Lonely Place: Bogart isn't at all heroic here, as a screenwriter with a drinking habit and a violent temper. He's obviously a bad idea to date, but just how bad an idea? He's not the type of guy who'd kill a woman, is he? Bogart and Gloria Holden give perhaps their best performances here, and they'll wound your soul.
Touch of Evil: A Mexican cop (played, unfortunately, by Charlton Heston) finds out a nasty secret about the big hero cop Hank Quinlan: he's framed the culprit in most of his cases. Not because he's crooked, but because his intuition tells him they're guilty. Director Orson Welles as Quinlan is frightening, grotesque, and a little bit tragic in what some consider the last classic noir.
The Killers: The first twenty minutes or so are an adaptation of a Hemingway story, where out of town hitmen gun down a man so depressed he won't even bother to run from them. The rest of the film is an investigation into how he got that way. It had something to do with a radiant gangster's girl, and something to do with a few botched crimes. Sometimes a man can die before the bullets even touch him.
The Third Man: Everybody is lying about the whereabouts of an American expatriate named Harry when his friend comes looking. Did they do something to him? Or, more frightening still, is he the one who's been doing things to other people? Orson Welles is a more charming monster than he was in Touch of Evil; the light and shadows on his face cast him as a vampire, while his fingers sticking up through the sewer grate look like something terrifying emerging from the earth.
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[Sif has been looking at you weird for a while...] "Isa." [CRAB!!!] "Uhh, Yeah Sif?" [He's looking straight at you, his eyes piercing you to your bones. He looks kinda creepy like this... Reminds you of all the times you found him reading late at night with his flashlight eye.] "You mind if we talk for a second? Alone." "UMM. YEAH SURE SIF." [CRAB CRAB CRAB CRAB CRABBBBBB] "Are you alright, Isa? I've noticed you doing some... things. You're acting more- There's really no other way to say it, Isa you've been acting dumb. Acting like you're just 'really lucky' whenever you find a key that we need. I know you, Isa. I know you aren't stupid. You're really smart actually, and I know something is up. So what is it? Can I help?" [CRAB CRAB CRAB WHY IS HE ASKING THIS NOW????] "What do you mean? I really have just been getting lucky?! I don't know how I would know where the keys are, I've never been here?!?" [You feel awful lying to them.] "Right. So you finding the switch to the Death Corridor trap instantly isn't something strange? You always trust me to handle traps, and yet you immediately put your hand out in front of me and stopped me before I could look around, and then hit the hidden switch. I know I only have one eye, but that was really well hidden." "But how would I know where it was beforehand? I just had a feeling."
"I don't know Isa, but I know that people with 'a feeling' still jump at massive falling rocks! And I know that people with 'a feeling' don't just nonchalantly strut into The King's chambers and talk before Odile gets a chance to talk to the man who froze her entire home. I know people with 'a feeling' don't grit their teeth hard enough to shatter. Don't act like nobody noticed that either, maybe the others didn't but I did." [!!!] "But, that'd be impossible, right? It's impossible to have been here before-" "Is it? Because you sure seemed to have a few theories! You knew to ask me about Wish Craft, to ask me to read those books! You knew that I could wish properly, you didn't have an inch of doubt on your face when you said how I taught you. You knew that a wish could have given The King the ability to harness Time Craft. Don't think I believed you when you said you didn't wish for anything. I know you're indecisive, but you aren't going to just ignore something I told you either. I know you wouldn't just listen to me tell you how to wish and not bother with it. You aren't callous. [If only he knew... If only he knew how callous you were!]
"I..." "Isa, I know you're not stupid. And you know I'm not stupid either. If I see something, the only thing I can do is observe for more. And all signs right now point to you. Did something happen? Is that... Is that why you're looping in time? Did-"
"Oh Siffrin... Why? Why did you have to figure it out now? Why couldn't you have figured it out before? Why couldn't you have never figured it out?" "Isa, I-" "Can't you see? It's too late now. Nobody can help, now. It's already too late. Because I was too much of a coward to try and ask for help. Because I was too much of a coward to tell anyone about the loops! Because I was too much of a coward to say anything! Because I was too much of a coward to tell you how I feel! Especially you, Sif. I'm too much of a coward to tell you how I feel about you. And I'll never get that chance. Because it's already too late. "..." [He's just staring at you with a scared expression. Or at least its probably scared. Whatever. It's too late anyway. You coward.]
"...So what is it? Can I help?" "Nope! Was that all?"
[Sif seems... sad, at your response.]
"Alright. I'll miss you Isa. Come visit me sometime on your travels, okay? It'd be a shame if I couldn't look at the stars another time with you."
Roleswap Sus event combos Everybody gets a turn being the suspect and the suspectee! Nobody enjoys the experience, though.
#isat role!swap au#researcher sif and traveler isa have very 'doomed yaori' vibes#i love them both so very much#they are so very vibes#sorry if any of this doesnt correlate well with the au i just needed to do it cuz they're both so ooouggghhh#/pos#popsie writes
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V2 didn't wanna die
well - none of the things V1 kills wanted to die either - but V2 was one of the few who tried harder than it needed to to not die
it wanted to live so bad it got better at fighting - it learned from V1 (and the player) on how to better use its equipment, it learned how to more effectively move and even when to and not to use certain weapons (if u stick a magnet in it, it wont use its nailgun type of deal)
V2 even made itself a new fucking arm - and while it never got the chance to use it in 4-4 i think it would have been decent at using it because just like it is - V1 is a small and extremely fast target - even if it did use the whiplash in 4-4 it probably wouldn't of been able to hit V1 (depending on ur playstyle - so if ur like me u dont know the meaning of stopping)
i think V2 went into the the fight in limbo with the intention of a spar - i like to think whatever testing and training the people who made the V models did would of put the two against each other to train up V2's skills so presumably the first time the two see each other again after entering hell it would of just gone back to those tests - to a spar. not a fight.
so when we beat its ass to just above a pulp - it ran and im assuming whatever v1 did to it had enough damage in the right place on its shoulder to loosen it enough so the impact with the glass on the ceiling broke it off
V2 in greed learned better. and it wanted payback. revenge. it wants its fucking arm back too
out of the two V2 is more naturally emotive - more reactive - its the only thing in hell that will +enrage when you use a certain arm on it - the rest enrage when they're at a certain stage of low health (i think. from what ive seen in videos at least*) but the only time ive really seen v2 enrage is when you punch it with the knuckleblaster and i can only think that it feels nothing but rage in that moment.
EDIT:
forgot to mention the fact that when you do kill v2 - it fucking screams as it falls - its scared, it knows whats happening and it can do nothing but scream - maybe it hoped, prayed even, that it would land on its feet - that it would be okay.
that itd be more than a forgotten bloodstain
#* i. i play on harmless so enemies dont often enrage around me#aside from like cerberi but thats a given#theyre the only other thing in hell ive seen react that way#maybe ill do a post on cerberi next actually#i rlly like them#ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#v2 ultrakill
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Love and Deepspace: Boyfriend Headcanons âĄ
I really need to start writing more Zanye stuff considering his my type in so many ways, don't get me wrong but I love all of them, however. Zayne was the one who pulled me into the game and made me stay :3
Again, most of the headcanons may or may not be already canon in game. But do not worry, I do have originals I've thought off :3
Reader here is Gender Neutral (They/Them)
If you haven't seen Xavier's part its here!
Warning: Some Spoilers from his Myths and minor swearing.
Reminder: The character belongs to INFOLD/ its respective creators; this is all just fictional work so please try to not take these too seriously :)
⥠Now, we all know that our favorite Doctor loves sweets right? I feel like in his feel time, aka when he doesn't have work and takes a break from the hospital - he'll practice how to bake sweet goodies.
⥠Think about it! He knows how to cook well and his knife skills are exceptional, so he would definitely make baking as a stress relief and hobby.
⥠I imagine him making sweets to either give to the patients in the hospital, or maybe his coworkers too, once they finish another hard day.
⥠Obviously, you'll get most of the treats as your his special person but not only do you get most of the goods - you also get the first taste! He would also ask you for your honest opinion, now if your scared in telling him the truth; don't be. He encourages it so he can improve better in baking :)
⥠While on the convo of cooking and food - we also know that this man can cook very well, not only is the meal balanced but the presentation and taste is immaculate.
⥠Don't worry picky eaters, you won't even taste the veggies he put in the meal so you'll be safe and not gag (At least not from the food yk what I'm sayin-)
⥠Zayne will ALWAYS make time for you. No matter how busy he is, you will always be his top priority.
⥠You are literally the whole exact reason why he choose to be a cardiac surgeon/doctor after all.
⥠That also means he worries over you like a mother hen, sometimes he can be overbearing and too much on the scolding or doting whenever you get injured.
⥠So obviously, that leads to a few fights here and there but you understand that his intentions are all good.
⥠You are the passenger princess â©
⥠Like. His car will always have snacks that you love, extra necessities, ties and your playlist is saved on his car too!
⥠On his day offs and you guys feel like hiking somewhere far, he would stock up his car filled with stuff that you usually use at your home as he wants you to be as comfortable as possible.
⥠He tries not to spoil you... he tried to put a limit on everything so you don't get your way but your just so fucking adorable and stupid sometimes that he can't resist giving in... kidding he loves you-
⥠Dates would consist of; cat cafes, hiking, going to the gym, trying out cafes, kitty cards but mostly he would prefer to spend time with you at your or his place :)
⥠Love languages would be Acts of service and Quality time.
⥠As mentioned, he would do chores and he'd cook for you. He also prioritizes you over anything, all his time belongs to you... it has always belonged to you.
⥠Despite telling you to always limit your sweets/desert intake, it apparently doesn't apply to him.
⥠You both would frequently visit the dentist as his teeth would hurt from the amount of sweets (and sugar.) he'd consume, one wonders how he hasn't gotten diabetes yet....
⥠Zayne knows that he can come off as aloof or cold so he thinks about the words he says to you before he actually speaks it. Which often saves you both from arguments a lot.
⥠He also makes a point to be honest whilst not hurting your feelings, you won't have to worry about him lying about how you look or the answers he'll give to your questions.
⥠The only thing he'd be dishonest about tho is when his the one in need of help. His so used to not accepting help that he lies that his evol doesn't hurt him; when clearly, it does.
⥠You'd have to be super plushy to make him care enough to take a break for his own well-being, how ironic for being a Doctor right? Well, his thankful that in times when he can't be the doctor, you make sure to step in as a Doctor just for him and him only.
⥠Zayne often has trips to the Arctic; and when he does, he would either take you with him (Which is rarely.) or make sure to update you with pictures of/or with Pie, the scenery and with your requests - his face as well. You both won't be able to video call all the time while his at the arctic because the signal would be weak so he takes pictures instead.
⥠When he does get back from his trip, expect gifts and tea from him. He'll also make sure to kiss you deeply as he definitely missed you a lot.
⥠Cats aren't really fond of him right? You would force take him to cat cafes all the time and try to establish a connection between him and one of the cats! There was only one cat that liked him enough tho- But thats a win for you!
⥠Since its been said that you both do go hiking sometimes, I believe you guys would do some camping as well.
⥠He would take you on a hiking journey up a cliff filled with pretty flowers and Mayne jasmines that he may or may not have planted himself and you both would set up camp there.
⥠He would grill some food, take out the sweets he baked back at his place and cuddle you under the starlight... wishing for this all to last forever.
⥠He gets nightmares right? When he does; all he wants to do is seek you out, but he often feels guilty as he knows you have your own problems... So you have to rely on your 'Zayne Senses' to know whether the nightmares haunt him or not.
⥠When it is haunting him; all you need to do is Lead him to the bed, tuck his head into your chest - just enough so that he can hear your heartbeat while you whisper promises that you're never gonna leave him.
⥠Zayne has learned how to be patient, yet for you? His Patience will be tested. Whether it's you on those week - long missions or you not calling or messaging.
⥠Zayne does skincare..... I firmly believe he has friends that are dermatologists and that they give him skincare products sometimes as a gift. He gives some of them to you too, if it has good benefits or if you just want it.
⥠If you both are living together and your schedules are in-sync; you both would do your skincare routines together.
⥠I believe that Zayne - not only takes care of his body health but also his face - and not in a beauty standard way but in a 'Good looks makes the patient more at ease and would likely trust him more typa way'
⥠However, in months where the hospital gets busy; he develops a little stubble under his chin. Sometimes its on purpose as he likes the way you shave it or the way you sit on his lap if yk yk...
⥠Nicknames that he gives you are so sweet like honey... the way he calls out to you with that sweet nickname he has given you, it instantly fills you with butterflies.
⥠I like to think he'd call you Honey, Sweetheart and My Love a lot... but when your asleep in the comforts of your shared bedroom; he'd whisper My heart and My Jasmine, just soft enough that you could barely hear whilst slipping away to dreamland.
⥠In conclusion, Zayne is just filled of Husband Material áŻáĄŁđ©
⥠His not perfect by all means (Expect you think he is) but he will do everything in his power to make sure that you'll not only be satisfied but also comfortable.
I had a lot of fun writing Zayne's part! Considering that his my main after all heh.
I hope that you all enjoyed reading Zayne's part and let me know if ya'll want a NSFW Version of these headcanons :)
See you guys on my next post~!
Rafayel's Boyfriend Headcanons, check it out too!
Reblogs are appreciated and Feedback/Comments are always appreciated! :3
(Note: please don't copy and paste my works anywhere, and if you do see them on other platform please inform me.)
#post by: ayo haruko/emiko#reblogs are appreciated!#feedback is appreciated!#love and deepspace#lnds#love and deepspace zayne#zayne love and deepspace#lnds zayne#zayne x reader#zayne x you#zayne x y/n#zayne x mc#zayne fluff#l&d#l&ds zayne#zayne#love and deepspace rei#love and deepspace li shen#love and deepspace Lee Seoeon
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when you say that nanika is a reflection of killuaâs âworst traitsâ, what do you mean by that exactly? :O
genuinely asking bc iâm super interested and curious !!
ok so.... while trying my hardest not to be reductive, Killua and Nanika occupy very similar social spaces. But before we can get there, I kind of want to lay down the groundwork first.
Here's Illumi (un)helpfully expositing Killua's self-imageâthe one he spends his entire arc desperately running away fromâfor us:
Killua's narrative has a lot to do with dehumanization and questions about natureâwhether somebody can choose who they are or whether their circumstances decide for them, what makes a human being, all that juicy stuff. He's almost a soft launch for what the series forces us to consider later in the CAA, which is so rife with questions about instinct, nature, humanity, and evolution that trying to navigate its character web without running into a Killua foil is like trying to walk in the rain without getting wet.
Nanika is, like the ultimate escalation of this same thingâwhen it comes to Killua and questions of nature, she's the final boss. Nanika (or, our initial impression of her, what we are invited via framing to think first) is almost a manifestationâa literalizationâof what Killua is scared of being.
I say that because, like... what is Nanika? What do other characters see her as?
Nonhuman
Extremely dangerous by nature
Valuable due to the services she can provide
Ostracized by both the Zoldyck family (Killua is singled out as the golden child) and the outside worldâmeaning, not entirely belonging to any defined social group, and unable to fully fit in
A dark counterpart to a comparatively sweet, bright, and innocent personality (Alluka)
All 5 of these points hit very literally onto sore points of Killua's psyche. At least subconsciously, in some way, these are all things Killua thinks about himself; he recognizes them in Nanika because the way his family reacts to her is the way "outsiders" react to him. And he ends up dehumanizing her the exact way he dehumanizes himselfâwe know because he ends up unintentionally using Silva's words of being his son (positing Killua as an extension of himself, indicating similar mindsets) as an appeal during negotiations:
(Some English translations don't even use Nanika because it literally means "something")
That's what I mean when I say they occupy similar social spaces, or are part of the same social group. And Killua treats her accordinglyâas in, he projects:
(elaboration on that last example here)*
Killua even ends up projecting traits onto Nanika he isnât self-aware enough to realize he has.
For example, Killua thinks of love as a very lopsided and conditional transaction in which, due to his negative social identity group, he needs to perform something adequately in order to earn. And he assumes Nanika thinks the same way:
This aspect of the way Killua treats his sisters is consistently tricky for me to articulate because Killua doesn't end up treating her meanly or even think of Nanika poorly because of these projectionsâa lot of this is subconscious, Killua doesn't even realize he's doing it at firstâwhich is what you might expect from someone who recognizes reasons for self-hatred in someone else.
I think this is simply because, at the end of the day, all of these negative assessments are still about himselfâonly about only his own emotions, his own internalized judgement. Itâs not at all about Nanika. She's still a separate entity, someone in need of Killua's protection, so Killua can't hate her like he hates himself.
*In fact, Killua wants the best for her, wants people to love her as a part of Alluka which can be good, like he sees his own ugly traits. He even refuses to take advantage of her dangerous abilities, like he doesnât want his own to be taken advantage of. Its projection of what he wants for himself onto Nanikaâacceptance and love even if she is some Inhuman Dangerous Thing.
I can sort of infer this because Killua becomes confrontational with Illumi specifically when it comes to denying Nanika/Alluka personhood in a way he only does when Illumi is denying Killua personhood, which implies to me that Illumi doing it to Nanika/Alluka vicariously feels like another personal attack (which he can actually retaliate against now without that fuckass needle in his brain).
And just in case you weren't convinced, we do know this is projection because Killua kind of just admits it (lol):
I want to yap a little more about this but I'll put it under a readmore because it's kind of off topic. So if you just wanted answers for why I think Nanika is such a strong parallel to Killua, then you already have them lol
This scene (the one pictured above the readmore) sometimes cracks me up because of Killuaâs reactionâthe way he immediately slaps his cheeks and blames everything on Illumi. Itâs a sort of comedic reaction to such a heartfelt (and extremely brave) ultimatum on Allukaâs end. Iâve seen some people think itâs just Killua wanting to defuse the argument, to get Alluka to listen to him so he can start to apologize correctly. But I donât think thatâs true, I think this reaction and the way he immediately brings up Illumi is a genuine realization on his endâafter all, Illumi's name or presence is kind of a visual, verbal, and narrative shorthand for Killua's insecurities and the self-image he's clawing himself away from.
Up until now, Killua's never really thought about Alluka and Nanika as their own people, whether that be them separately or even just Alluka by herself. He never gave them real agency; not because heâs physically carrying them and not because he's not asking what they want, but because heâs just projecting that hard. Alluka is also tangled up in his feelings about his childhood (and Gon, as another facet of his projecting and also just as a consequence of the reason why he's rescuing them in the first place), and Nanika seemed to give her so much troubleâin the same way Killuaâs own undesirable traits give him troubleâthat I donât think it literally ever occurred to him that Alluka could have a different opinion than he does.
I think Killua assumed Alluka would react to the news of Nanika needing to go away the same way he reacted to the news of him needing to leave Gonâwith pained acceptance. That situation is a direct parallel to the dilemma of putting Nanika to sleep. But instead Alluka YELLS at him, and it forces him into realizing that his idea of his sister(s) was wrong. They arenât the same person as him, his projection was unfounded, and he hurt them because of it.
Which is why he only realizes that his fear of Illumi was influencing the way he was acting then, because now he can actually look at them and see anything but his own reflection.
These pieces of dialogue: âI've been afraid of Illumi for so long... I got scared... and said some horrible things to you,â really do kind of say everything donât they? He saw Nanika just like he sees himself, he wanted for her and thought about her this way for everything: both the good (wanting her to belong somewhere, to be safe) and the bad (the dehumanization, the deprioritization).
Killua can recognize that now, and apologize for doing that to her. For being a bad big brother.
And not only does doing this help him actually empathize with Nanika and Alluka as people whose experiences are unique from his, but Allukaâs reaction also demonstrates to Killua a self-love that isnât reliant on the outlier model established in the Hunter Exam by Illumi and reinforced by Killua throughout the CAA (particularly echoed in the "You are light" scene, in which he directly steals ç©ăăă㊠out of Illumi's mouth).
As a side note, these two chapters are named Light and Darkness and Light and Shadow respectivelyâGon being "light" (the novelty, the outlier) both times.
Alluka loves Nanikaâher âdarknessââenough to cut off the outlier (Killua) if he doesnât love her the same. Seeing someone he puts in the exact same ingroup as him so shamelessly love Nanika, in whom Killua recognizes things he hates about himself, actually gets through to him (whereas Gonâs previous affections couldnât because he saw Gon as so fundamentally different).
Itâs extremely important that Killua asks for this forgiveness. In the hospital, when he was talking to Gon through the window, we can see Killua knows the importance of apologies. He failed Gon, so saving him would be Killuaâs apology. And Gon failed Killua too, so saying âsorryâ would be his apology for that. Itâs less about roles now, not about values or groupsâless about Killua being useful and Gon being lightâitâs more about actions.
For Alluka and Nanika, âbig brotherâ was the role he felt guilty for not fulfillingâa catalyst for his projections onto them. Now heâs confronted with real proof of this failure and he doesnât end up breaking over it like he might've before. Instead he apologizes because, due to Nanika, he knows Alluka loves unconditionally. And he trusts her, trusts her judgement of him, and trusts that heâs lovable enough to be accepted by her despite his failure.
â
Overall, I think it's really important that Nanika is introduced to the audience as a scary unknown, and that our first impression is slowly dissolved over time. It's a pervasive pattern in all the characters meant to ask questions of natureâKillua himself, the Chimera Ants, Palm, even the Phantom Troupe. Togashi is, like, deeply concerned with humanization and I think it's awesome because you get these narrative threads like the one with Nanika and Killua, where his doubts about himself and his own ability to love or be loved are narratively answered via giving or receiving compassion for/from someone else. In this way Hunter x Hunter tells us that proof of humanity is the capacity for connection. And isn't that something to think about?
#heliianswers#HOLY YAP im sorry. im just very passionate abt this part of the story specifically LMFAO#hxh#heliichats#killua zoldyck#alluka zoldyck#nanika
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Amazing, take some of the side character demons from Evil Bound.
Vincie is a menace to Chuck and Chuck alone so in Hell, Chuck hexes his hand behind his back so that he isn't grabbed as much (and it's harder to pet him). Chuck is like the most irresponsible older sibling ever to demons though so Kelvin recruits him (as an older sibling vibe) to go help him get his ACTUAL older sibling from Earth. Chuck agrees. And then drags Vincie from Hell with them because no one else wants to babysit him and he refuses to unbind the hex just to re-hex when he returns to Hell.
In Hell, Kelvin actually doesn't appear much different than his human form! Like Kronos, the lines under his eyes are red in Hell but black on earth. Chuck however? In Hell he has wolf-ish ears and has a fur lining his neck (note the neck scars in human form). In addition to that he has four eyes in Hell (note the scars under his eyes in human form). Vincie just has horns in Hell. And! In Hell the hex doesn't have a silly looking "tied up" look, it's invisible unless Vincie strains it with movement and then its red text. But it shifts on earth to be visible.
Vincie's biggest agony for the entirety on earth is "dude it's colder here than in Hell I want a jacket to slip my arms into BUT I CANT BECAUSE IM BOUND".
#my characters#amazing show stopping rng wheel thanks#i have my oc plots on a wheel - thats 80 different options! wow! - and spun it#i spun twice and the first time it was the bodyguard plot that i drew a few days ago#the second time was evil bound#i genuinely think it new its a bad day and im not doing well so it took it easy on me with things id done recently#anyway ive never colored kelvin before which i realized today#i only have pencil art of him#also fun fact about their lil earth adventures#they fucking fail horrifically the first time they go and kronos doesnt go back#then they go back to try and get him to forcefully bring him back and theeeeen shit hits the fan#and so vincie is vibing with tolliver since hes basically useless without hands and then oops!#no more hex! and so he starts to get really super scared and tolliver is like uh isnt that a good thing your hands are free now#and vincie is horrified because the only way to break a hex from a distance is if the caster is near dead or dead#and if thats the case chuck is probably dead and that means what if kronos and kelvin are dead#how is he gonna get back to hell alone and is HE going to get punished for it#but then kronos and kelvin show up and take vincie back to hell with the not breathing chuck#but its fine in the end bc the succubi bring him back to ... life ? question mark? anyway hes revived#but vincie does have a part where hes just crying in tollivers apartment bc he thinks hes gonna be punished#for not helping the other demons and then they died#but chuck dying is basically why kronos goes back to hell - he feels responsible (hes at fault so good for him to own up)#vincie is one of the very few demons who doesnt have dark sclera#chuck vincie and kronos all have black sclera while the succubi have gray#i dont think there was ever a reason for it tbh i should make up a reason#time to go lie down and not exist the rest of the night if i can avoid it
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i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans
#fair warning for. a very very long ramble and rant in the tags. apologies#westerner or russian. no other option#westerner because the only thought they ever have is 'but they had universal housing so if you oppose ussr you oppose that'#(which is stupid becuse you can believe in that WITHOUT WANTING LIKE 6 COUNTRIES TO BE FORCED TO BE RULED OVER BY RUSSIA)#(SORRY FOR WANTING TO LIVE IN MY COUNTRY WITH MY HISTORY AND MY CULTURE AND NOT RUSSIA!!) (poland was a sattelite state but GOD)#or russian because they have a victim complex and are convinced that they deserve to rule over the entire damn world#'well you had universal housing so you had it easy' right yeah. okay. forget about like. everything else that happened#to eastern europeans during that time#forget about the things that are STILL issues all these years later not only in poland but like the more eastern countries too#its not about. the fact that the houses 'didnt have 3 bedrooms and a jacuzzi' in them. you DUMB SACK OF SHIT#god sorry. sorry. i also know so very little but like god damn i fucking live here. i didnt sit thru all that modern history#for some dumbfuck to say that 'ohhh only rich and american middle class people are happy the ussr was dissolved'#'oooh the dissolving of the ussr was illegal and the countries within it actually liked being there'#im just so fucking tired man i need to. i need to start killing people#and this is all not to mention that theyll say this stupid shit and then deny eastern europeans the things they actually did that were good#FUCK french people for trying to claim maria skĆodowska. fuck americans for trying to claim the witcher as their own fantasy world#fuck the way the west is allowed to claim and destroy eastern european culture without any consequence because we dont matter enough#vaguely related but ill throw this in here since anyone finding it is unlikely and im scared of having this opinion#i think one underappreciated aspect of DE (which might be underappreciated because its not actually there and im stupid)#is that its pro-communist while still also giving some criticism to how it was handled and acknowledging that its still not perfect#which makes the writers much better communists than any self-proclaimed one ive ever met in my life who just worships the idea#perhaps its because the writers of the game were not white upper middle-class americans living in the suburbs. among other things#idk de is a game for people far smarter than me and i only played it once and im sure anyone who played it well can clock me as a bad perso#horrible horrible person even which is why im scared of mentioning it. but its an interesting thing. to me#the main thing is that im just not. im not far left enough i suppose. i agree communism in theory is a great idea. as far as i know it#(which isnt very far)#but chances of implementing it correctly in a way that doesnt take away from peoples happiness in other areas is. low. very low#i wrote a short essay about how utopias are inherently contradictory ideas once it wasnt very deep or good but like#you cant have universal happiness without restricting certain freedoms. and when those freedoms are resticted not everyone#will be happy. and then theyre unhappy they will have to be somehow removed or ignored
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them đđđđ#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up đ#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them đđ#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway đ#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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dont get me wrong i am more excited for this atla remake and the inevitable renaissance part 2 than i have ever been for anything in my life. however im also terrified of what changes this is going to bring to the fandom. Obviously the 2020 renaissance brought a lot of new and good things (zukka, a ton of amazing fics, etc). But more people joining the fandom means new people joining ao3 and interacting with fics and authors and artists too. Even in the few years that i've been active in fandom i've noticed a dramatic shift in how people interact with artists and authors especially. And I can't see this not getting worse as more people whose main social media experiences include tik tok and instagram coming to ao3 and tumblr. Like these people are used to content creators who revolve their content around what their audience wants because its their job, and I know this isnt going to translate well to the culture around ao3 writers especially when unconsolidated comments and 'advise' is already a problem for a ton of authors. And for people who dont understand that fics and fanart are supposed be transactional in the sense that you need to leave comments and kudos and reblog stuff when they're used to simply liking something *maybe* being enough. Idk whats going on with other fandoms, but I do know that these things have been an ongoing issue for the atla fandom and like I said, I can't imagine having another 'renaissance' and this stuff not getting worse.
#ive been plotting out new fics to post soon with the same energy as someone trying to start a business during a recession#but like i said idk if this is an issue with other fandoms because the atla fandom is the only one im active in#but i *know* that this is an issue for the atla fandom#Like people are commenting less and less on fics but demanding more frequent chapters#and people want to leave critism that the authors didnt ask for while also not leaving an ounce of praise#like there has been an influx of people just being so shitty to authors#and im not sure if its because of ignorance and people genuinely not knowing how fandom works#or if its entitlement and people are expecting the same thing from fandom creators that they do from influencers or book authors#like fandom has been so weird recently and it is a huge reason of why i havent been updating fics and stuff#when i started posting i wanted a community of people who shared my interests#not people who look at me like a celebrity who they can critisize like theyre leaving a review on rotten tomatoes#idk people have gotten a lot more hostile and its not as fun as it used to be and im scared that another flood of people#joining the fandom is going to make in unbearable#this feels kind of whiney but i am curious if anyone else has noticed it#fandom#ao3#zukka#atla#max thinks shes relevant
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After 10+ Long Rests to clear out any event that can override this one and another Duke rescue later, I finally got Wyll's last romance scene
#prince's gaming tag#i like his second romance scene more but I still like this one a lot he's so happy when I said yes#but the shit i had to do to get it was TEDIOUS#between mizora's renewed contract scene and the emperor and halsin wanting me carnally and the flaming fist almost killing me bc of mizora#so many scenes took over this one and I had to redo it bc i needed to read a book pertaining to wylls quest and it glitched out of existence#after saving the duke again so i had to read it AND THEN save the duke#and then i got scared bc it didnt pop up after doing everything right but i just had to do another long rest and i got it#anyway now im officially done with this run and I can start playthrough number 5#only thing is part of why I did astarion now was i didnt have to think about making my own character#but now i do... which means its gonna take a while...... i dont even know who i wanna be#i guess bard again so i can get the busker achievement#we shall see
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um. tfw your life is about to change massively very very soon and it still doesn't even feel real yet and still feels like somethings gonna pop up and it won't actually happen and also you're scared as fuck that you're too stupid to actually do it and it'll all be for nothing
#like what do you mean full time salaried w benefits and paid vacation just to do. school.#what made you so enthusiastically think i was the perfect one to do this#when the last approx 20something other guys were like ummmm no you cannot do it#tbf like all that other shit up there aside#this did actually come at the perfect time#i look back on who i was during my masters and i legit do not recognize that person#i barely even remember it i have to look at pictures to think back on who i was#in a strange roundabout way being forced home to stay for a while#kind of re centered me and gave me time to come back to myself in a big way. i was really lost before#and chaining something like this directly after my masters would have been disasters#even like this time last year i did not have this level of mental clarity#and i think thats why i didn't get any of the other positions i was just in a fog and i think people could tell#so as much as like im super scared and nervous about this big change and big exit from my comfort zone#and a little sad and mournful that im leaving my family and wont hear my native language all day every day anymore#im the most ready ive ever been#2019 me was NOT ready im scared of her tbh!! idk what wave i was on but it was weirdo shit!#im also proud that i essentially rawdogged and brute forced a lot of introspection and improvement#entirely on my own#like i really can only just describe it as clarity i feel like i matured 10 years in 4 and cleared all the fog#i feel so good about the way i handle things and react to things now vs then#im like 500x more unbothered and actually know how to put myself first now#anyway uh this prob could have been its own post in and of itself#but woteva innit im proud of how much internal repairs i did on myself over the last few years#became a stable genius as it were#whos a lot more clearly defined and present#but fuck man! i am still scared of being 2stupid
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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that
if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it
#snap chats#no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game#oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k#OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think#my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious#rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final#HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE#i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that#i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki#someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it#like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but#i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital#the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe#cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3#its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think#it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little#and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly#idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me#THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED#i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell#is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form#i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments#BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow#im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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