#IM SORRY MY MIND IS IN THE GUTTER

[immortaljailor]

me taking notes on how to characterize Spones from Diane Duane's The Wounded Sky: I see...so according to Jim, Bones is "geared to receiving" while Spock is "oriented toward giving" understood 👍

[u3pxx]

Oh jeez, I dunno, cootchie eyes are like the 🥺 emoji kinda??? All big and extra sparkly! (it definitely CAN be suggestive, but I didn't mean it like that!)

ANON I AM SO SORRY FOR MISUNDERSTANDING YOUR EARLIER ASK, MY BRAIN CONNECTED THE DOTS JUST NOW DFGDHJDK

"ohh 'cootchie' as in like 'cootchie-coo' and not 'cootchie' as in. the other thing that i thought it was accidentally misspelled as" DFGHD 😭😭😭😭😭

pls accept this little birdy as my apology DGHJFGF

[adder24]

Ten's Magic fingers

I am a menace and I need to be stopped. I'll show myself out.

[darlingghoulette]

something something biker!eddie and his flirtation via motorcycle 

Eddie buys the damn death trap of a Kawasaki after a particularly good couple of months dealing and Steve hates it. He absolutely refuses to allow any of the kids to get on the contraption, even after he’s promised that Eddie has practiced and knows what he’s doing. Won’t budge on the subject at all.

...until Eddie wears him down enough to try it for himself and then make the judgement on whether or not the kids will be in grievous danger by a spin around the block.

Steve is already in a mood the night they try it, staring at the huge, shiny black beast of a machine, with a matching helmet Eddie had pushed into his arms propped up on his hip. 

He would never admit that he might be just a tad grumpy that Eddie looks way too hot in the leather and straps that make up his jacket. He already had an inconvenient crush on the man enough without adding the way the helmet on Eddie’s own head was kind of doing it for him. Steve will examine that particular reaction later, when he wouldn’t be hashing out his new found kinks in the middle of the street. 

“We really don’t have to do this if you’re unsure,” Eddie’s already perched on the bike, kickstand up and balancing it perfectly with his feet. A professional. The bastard. 

His voice, which had previously been teasing and “What’s the matter? Scared, Harrington?” had softened to something gentler. A peace offering muffled from underneath that fucking sexy helmet. 

Steve knew that if he were to back out right now, that would be it. Eddie would drop it and wouldn’t hold it against him at all. Wouldn’t even make fun. Because that’s just how Eddie was. A unmitigated asshole when he was joking around with his friends--and a fucking sweetheart if he knew something really mattered. 

It moved Steve’s feet forward, climbing on and settling himself on the pad just behind the dipped driver’s seat. He eases himself down fully, noting how Eddie keeps the bike solidly balanced the whole time despite the shift of weight. 

“Shut it, Munson, I’m not scared. Just would really prefer not to crash into a tree, so keep your eyes up front,” He put on the borrowed helmet, pushing at Eddie’s shoulder to stop him from craning back around to look at him. “Eyes front!” 

Eddie laughed.  “We’re not even moving!” 

“I don’t care! It’s like a loaded gun. Always assume it’s loaded! Always assume this thing could kick up at any moment and make us smears on the pavement.” He grumbled, but it was halfhearted. He was mostly distracted now with what to do with his hands. Eddie lifted his leg and brought it down swiftly, kicking the motorcycle on in a way that was...undeniably confident and hot. Oh, Jesus Christ. 

“I promise to keep us in one piece, your majesty. Nothing crazy, but you’re definitely going to want to hold on to me,” The machine under them roared, making Eddie yell just a bit to be heard. He reached back to pull one of Steve’s hands to his waist only for it to be immediately pulled away.  “Uh, it’s fine. I’ll just--”  “Steve,”

“I’m good, you can go!” Steve braced both hands on either side of himself, digging his fingers into the padded cushion beneath him. They didn’t speak for a few beats, the engine rumbling carrying on relentlessly, until Steve saw Eddie’s shoulders shrug in an exaggerated way and then he--

The bike revved and lurched forward a few feet, throwing Steve’s balance out of the proverbial window. He yelped and fought against the momentum throwing him back by yanking forward and plastering himself to Eddie’s back. 

There was no space between them now, with Steve’s arms completely wrapped around the body in front of him, fingers digging viciously into Eddie’s waist. Despite his nervous system still working through the scare, Steve had to admit to himself that he did feel more stable like this. Like they were one person on the bike, now. Balance aligned, weight together. 

Eddie had them braked safely again, feet on the ground and the echo of his laugh in Steve’s ears. Once the jock got his breath back again he was really going to have some words to say about that. Most of them curse words. Their helmets knocked together slightly as Eddie turned his body and flicked up his visor. Their position made it difficult to be face to face, but Steve caught the corner of Eddie’s smirk and a flash of a chocolate brown eye.  “There, much better. Now, you just hold on like a good backpack and let me take you for the ride of your life, ‘kay?” 

Before Steve could even process that the visor was back down and they were taking off, his heart pounding against Eddie’s back for reasons that were only partially to do with the bike underneath them.

He really hated this thing.  (He loved it. The kids were allowed to get rides, occasionally. That seat became Steve’s.) 

[taravangians-storming-balls]

Wait I have more questions

[kdramamilfs]

tried to read leviathan wakes and came across the absolutely worst sentence known to mankind ive decided this book is not worth my time

[itskeej]

welp if I cant eat my peaches I guess I'll have to eat you instead

l....... listen. listen. listen.

[epistrefei]

if you like this. maybe artemis will give your muse a kiss :)

[empty0coffin]

Goal in life is to fuck at least ONE fat ftm

[fleursbending]

no cos jesus take the wheel !! it's a damn fact man will always prioritise your pleasure over his, like he is such a listener and so obedient. like i think ppl are just running with him being a dom because the iconic "sit down!" scene. like i'm sure he has his moments but like -

he LITERALLY ! would open himself up to you, let you use him however you wish. like a lot of the times you'd be riding him can you imagine😵‍💫😵‍💫. his beefy mfing legs and chest just literally engulfing you but you're the one who has all the power over him.

like i know for a fact he would mewl, whine, and let out a low grunt when you sink down onto him. his head would just fall back, followed by a not so subtle roll of his eyes due to the pleasure that consumes him.

he would just be sooooo forr!! sensual, taking your time sex. like draw him out, dangle him on the edge of no return only to reel wari right back in. his eyes would hold such a sultry daze and he would just be muttering literal filth and a lot of it isn't even coherent but he's so lost in the pleasure and how good you look and make him feel.

"please, please. yes, oh- yes. right there, that's it sweetheart."

i’m genuinely so happy the majority of the avatar fandom agrees that tonowari is submissive.

because you know, he is.

[saturninemartial]

i mean what better way is there to go?

i could make this a LOT dirtier by insinuating where else a fat bitch could sit but i won't go there lol

[lust4lore]

ARFARFARF so down bad for brattamer n casually dominant(by nature) kinda dark rafe n bimbo reader🤭🤭 imagine reader talkin to a random stranger in a bar or club or whateva she thinks its js a friendly interaction n shit after that rafes js there thinking 150 ways how to kill the guy for flirting wit his pretty little thing then she says it was a nice friendly convo n hes like whst???? yeah ahaha.... im obsessed pls forgive me

OH THIS GOT THE JUICES FLOWINGGG

the creative juices. get your head out of the gutter. that being said, thank you for your request! i hope i did it justice

CW: controlling!rafe, mildly dark!rafe, mmm kinda breaking my own guidelines w this one but VERY slight domestic violence? you get the point, manipulation

rafe cameron likes pretty things. so much, in fact, that he had known he was done for the second he saw you. you were cute— innocent— in a pink silk dress, ribbon in your hair and a sweet smile tugging at the corners of rosy lips. he just had to have you, and a year later, he did.

another well known fact about rafe cameron, though, is that he doesn’t share. and so, imagine his surprise when he comes back from the bathroom to see some man talking to you at the bar. he watches you for a moment, the rage settling in his veins enough to get his jaw clenching as you bat your eyelashes and giggle at whatever stupid joke that bastard just told you, pretty lips sucking at your straw as his gaze flickers down to your chest.

now that has rafe seeing red. he comes up behind you, an arm wrapping around your waist and causing you to slightly stumble back at the force of it. “hey, baby, who’s this?” he asks, fingers lightly twitching against your stomach. if you’re aware of the waves of fury radiating from him, you do nothing to show it, turning around in his hold with a naive smile and bright eyes. “rafey! this is alex, he wants to be friends,” you tell him, gesturing towards that sick perver— alex— behind you. “oh, does he?” he asks, but rafe isn’t talking to you, not really. if looks could kill, your new ‘friend’ would be further than six feet under the ground. “y’know, alex, i think my girl has enough friends already,” he squeezes your side, glancing down at you. “don’t you think, sweetheart?” the grasp he has on your waist tightens, fingers digging into your skin in a way that’ll probably bruise later.

you tilt your head, a crease forming between your brows as you lower your voice. “rafe, what- ow!” you yelp quietly as his iron grip bores into your ribs. he pays you no mind, though, still fixing alex with a chilling, eerily calm smile. “shit, man, i’m sorry, i’ll- m’gonna head out now,” the shorter boy mutters, looking intimidated as he staggers backward and rushes out the door. rafe gives a quiet chuckle at that and one of his hands grabs your wrist, yanking you closer. tears prick your eyes as he nearly cuts off the circulation in your hand, leaning in close to your face. “the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? letting other guys flirt with you like that?”

you let out a whimper at his harsh words, a tear rolling down your pretty face. “he was jus’ being nice, i-” you whisper, and a hint of satisfaction cuts through his anger. look at you, you need him, who else’ll be there to protect you from all of those gross guys trying to get a piece of his sweet girl? he sighs, bringing a hand up to wipe the tears off of your cheeks. “c’mon, doll, you know better, did you see the way he was lookin’ at you?” you just look up at him, tears still sitting in your waterline as he presses a kiss to your trembling lips. “i didn’t mean to make you upset, a’ight? m’just trying to protect you,” he murmurs, and you instantly feel a little guilty for the way you reacted. “m’sorry, i didn’t know he was-” but rafe shushes you, stroking your cheek gently.

“s’okay, baby, you’ll remember who you belong to when we get home,”

[rimunagenius]

Hi, I saw your writing for the famous Popstar x Caitlin Clark I was wondering if you could do her dating an actress version?

REMINDER THAT REQUESTS ARE CLOSED!! UNTIL I GET A HANDLE ON THE MANY REQUESTS I HAVENT GOTTEN TO!! IM SO GRATEFUL YOU LOVE MY WRITING, THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING!! *this is also not proofread*

hi anon!! i love this idea! these are so much fun to write, so ofc!! sorry it took so long!! 💕

(HC) Caitlin Clark x actress!reader

Caitlin first noticed you when your hit debut movie came out in your sophomore year of college, 13 going on 30 (pretend reader is jennifer garner)

You made it big, still attending louisville to finish out school, you had noticed Caitlin Clark

You played basketball, a walk on your freshman year, where you played with emily engstler, one of your closest friends and that’s why you noticed caitlin

You kept up with basketball after you dropped it for acting and after emily graduated, so you were exposed to the coverage caitlin clark was getting

you had the biggest crush on her

it started off as a small attraction because of the love for the game you both shared and just because her ambition and confidence was just so attractive you couldn’t stop watching

you attended multiple games of hers after that

if you were close on a shoot whether it was modeling to promote a movie or press tours or just shooting location, you were there

you even took time off to fly out to iowa

she saw you more when you started to appear with jason sudeikis, your costar

you eventually ended up on the court with them, taking pictures with him and the team

you took that as your moment to tell Caitlin how big of a fan you were, and how you played at Louisville

you two hit it OFF

that night you posted a boomerang of you swinging your fuzzy sock clad feet, with a replay of the mystics game that night, with the caption “pov: my celebrity crush followed me back (i still love you @/em_engstler )”

for months you two hyped eachother up on your stories “omg @/youruser’s movie is so good!!” or “growing the game one clark at a time”

you both were getting bolder, your stories soon started to look like a caitlin clark fan page

that night at the game, you got Kate, Gabbie, Jada, and Caitlin’s phone numbers, so like friends do, you guys hung out all the time

Whenever you had free time from shooting, you were with them, your schedules somehow always aligning

people didn’t start to suspect a thing until you were getting photos taken by paparazzi more frequently, the pictures being you and Caitlin alone

the group hangouts happened whenever, but you and caitlin hangouts get your mind out of the gutter started to happen more frequently

it started off with paparazzi spotting you two laughing, making the best candid pics

and then you were spotted at more iowa games, home or away

and then she started to go to events with you

the other girls tagged alone to some, Caitlin being your main date

Caitlin had fallen hard

her teammates knew when you guys created a group chat and caitlin was a lot more flirtatious than the average behavior

heart emojis and very endearing compliments that friends don’t make about other friends

so that’s why when you invited her to your The Last of Us premiere, she had her lands lingering on the small of your back

standing so close to be just friends

you following along

it could be defendable if you two weren’t caught seriously get your mind out of the gutter

you two were a little drunk, stumbling infront of your hotel room, where you happened to be sharing, you couldn’t find the key in your purse

you fumbled around, the alcohol in your system making your center of gravity shift

unbalanced, you stumble a little, caitlin’s hands on your waist catching you

you looked up, your faces inches apart, and that when she leaned in and kissed you

it was so perfect until you heard a camera click, and a bright light past your closed eyelids

someone spotted you and took a picture of the whole ordeal

that’s when you two hurried up and grabbed the key, letting yourselves into the room

it only took two hours for your phones to be pinging with messages from the girls and friends and family asking about the articles and leaks

you two were relived but nervous at the amount of attention you two had been getting so quickly…

your and actress and she’s a college basketball player…how would people react or agree with this

you couldn’t care less, and apparently caitlin’s didn’t either bc she pushed you back on to the bed and just kissed you like her life depended on it

you two didn’t have to hide

maybe there’s perks in being the best collegiate player in the world…

[luxthestrange]

TWST Incorrect quotes#350 Mensties~

After You and Yuuka finished for the day destroying the 1st years...Crewel told you both where second years are...and got Trein on board to pause his class-

Yuuka*Looking at the 2nd years with an innocent smile*Okay guys~Its time for my favorite time of this class...The Female anatomy~

Floyd*Giggling in his chair*Heheh~This is the best day of my life~

The rest of the second years along with Floyd and others gulp at their gutter like minds HOPE you two would say...till you open your mouth-

Yuu: We are gonna talk about menstruation~

2nd Years:...Huh-What?

Trein*Chuckles sitting next to crewel, In the corner of the class*

Crewel: Hahah...The look on their stupid faces~*Takes a sip of wine*

Yuu: Once a month an egg travels to the uterus, and if it's not fertalized~

Azul & Jamil:Oh sevens...

Yuu: The uterus will all shed its lining~and is expelled as a bloody discharge!~

2nd years*Screams in horror at the explanation as Yuuka shows the slides show with realistic pictures*AAAAAAAAAAH!?

Azul: OH MY SEVENS!?

Floyd: WHAT THE FUC-

Silv*Sees Jade fainted with a smile*...Jade fainted sir's*Looks at the teachers*

Trein: Leave them alone, these imbeciles have been thru worse*Waves him off*

Riddle: What is wrong with you all?*Confused and looks at the others*It's, not a big deal...Its biology

Yuuka:...Well he is an unlikely ally

Yuu: Now periods can be very painful, Sometimes as painful as a heart attack

Kalim*Gasps in horror*You serious!Oh, my sevens...Im so sorry you girls have to go thru that! IM GONNA BRING CHOCOLATE TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY! I heard it makes it better!

Jamil:...I will make the chocolate*Sighs knowingly, knowing his sister goes thru the same*

Yuu & Yuuka*Both are endeared by Kalim's support*Aww~thats so sweet...

Rugg*Poking Jade and other classmates who fainted*Uh...these guys are still out, should we call the nurse?

Trein and Crewel continue to cackle at the misfortune of the class

...Crewel and Trein having the TIME of their lives-Also...Kalim you sweetie pie!~

Part 2 of:

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

Could I pretty please request #17 with Eggsy!! You’re writing is amazing and you definitely deserve all the love you get!

.⋆｡Let’s Pretend It’s Sunday｡⋆.

Eggsy Unwin x plus size reader

Eggsy finally has a day off from saving the world and all he wants to do is stay in bed with you

Warnings: implied smut, some nudity, domestic fluff

WC: 568

Minors DNI

3000 Follower Celebration

Cool morning light streamed into the bedroom, illuminating the lone figure in the bed. His dark eyebrows ruched as the light fell over his face, waking him from the first good night's sleep he’s had in a long time. 

He rolled onto his toned stomach to bury his face in the fancy pillows that he bought on a whim and stretched out his arm to pull his personal heater closer to him. But instead, his hand met a pile of rumpled and cold sheets. 

With a groan of frustration, Eggsy forced his blue eyes open only to be met with an empty bed and an alarm cloak reading a time too early for him to be awake. Just then the en-suite door opened, and you stepped into the bedroom half-dressed. 

You didn’t notice your now awake boyfriend as you quietly walked into the room, fixing one of your earrings as you did. But Eggsy certainly appreciated the sight of your gorgeously curved body clad only in a tight black pencil skirt, dark stockings, and your favourite bra which cupped your tits perfectly.

“Well isn’t this a brilliant morning?” You jumped at the sound of his voice, letting out a cute yelp as you clutched your chest.

“Jesus, don’t do that.” You scolded but with no real heat behind your words. Eggsy smirked and let his gaze slowly run over the length of your body before meeting your eyes. “And stop that, I have to go to work.”

He groaned pathetically and slumped back onto the pillows. “Oh come on, this is my first day off in months and I want to spend it in you.” You raised an eyebrow at him as you pulled your blouse on.

“Don’t you mean with me?”

“Nope I definitely mean in you.” The room is silent for a moment save for the rustling of clothes as you finish getting dressed before you speak again, killing your boyfriend’s dreams.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, I have to go to work.” But instead of complying, Eggsy slipped from the bed, letting the sheets fall away from his toned body.

“C’mon love, just call in. We can pretend it’s like the Sundays we used to have when we first got together. I order some food, we watch those shit tv shows you like and then I can fuck your brains out.” He cupped your full cheek and held your wide hip with his other hand. “Just say yes love.” His lips first met your cheek in a delicate kiss, then travelled across your face to the tip of your nose before he picked down to your neck and jaw.

Unable to fight his affections, you melted in his hold, your eyes fluttering shut as he continued to lather your skin with kisses. But then you seemed to suddenly come back to yourself and pulled away. “You know I can’t.”  You pouted.

Yet Eggsy wouldn’t give up. With a quick move, you were thrown onto the bed and swiftly pinned there by your boyfriend. “Sorry love, but you aren’t leaving this bed, not until I say so. And you know I’m not above tying you down.”

You grinned. “Alright Unwin, you have 10 minutes to convince me to stay.” Your skirt was suddenly bunched at your waist and your stockings ripped as Eggsy nestled his shoulders between your plump thighs.

“I only need five.”

Kingsman Masterlist | Main Masterlist

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Eggsy

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[valarie-lovely]

"Only Lasting Good Thing" Adam Stanheight x reader ♡

TW: Angst ~ Fluff ~ swearing ~ Self Harm

Adam had just escaped the Jigsaw trap and he's been more emotional and depressed than ever before. He only finds comfort in the burning of his own skin with his lighter. Desperate for affection without having to ask for it, Adam tries to find a healthy coping mechanism for his PTSD.

CHAPTER 1: ALL I NEVER WANTED

—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—☆—

All alone, sitting on the curb outside his shithole apartment. The flame continuously burns, then immediately flickers off every time Adam lets go of the wheel on his lighter.

The only spark in his eyes is the reflection of the orange flame, turning on and off like a flashlight. He shuts his eyelids, bringing the flaming light closer to his wrist, wincing once he feels his skin slowly decay under the heat.

He huffs out a whine when his thumb slips off the hot, metal wheel of the lighter, then he looks down at his burning skin. He believes it's the only way to get rid of his burning hatred for himself and everyone else around him.

Everyone else but you.

Speaking of you, he suddenly hears a door swing open from behind him, the door that leads you inside his apartment complex.

"Adam, baby, it's been 20 minutes. It doesn't take that long to smoke a cigarette, you know. Come inside."

Your voice echoes throughout his mind, slowly clearing out every other self-deprecating thought that lingers in there. He could never say no to you, not after his trap. Not after how much you managed to help him in his darkest moments.

"C-coming, love." He coughs, his shaky hands almost dropping his lighter as he scrambles to get up and follow you inside.

You stand and watch as he slides his cigarettes into his pocket, along with his black Bic lighter. Adams always picky with his smoking "tools", you'd say.

He always picks Marlboro's, and if he needs a new one, always a black Bic lighter. He hasn't changed one bit with those choices ever since high school.

He follows behind you inside like a lost puppy, keeping at least a 3 foot distance. Far enough for personal space, but close enough to grab you if he needs to. He just always wants to be close to you, because he knows you're the only one who cares.

When you make it into the apartment, the whole place smells like cigarettes and some other smell from a candle, yet it's hard to decipher the scent. And of course, Adams' cheap cologne lingers in the air.

"Listen, I didn't mean to take so long outside. My cigarette—" he chuckles, trying to play it cool. "I dropped it down the gutter, so I lit another one! That's why it took me so long, I have butterfingers, im sorr—"

"Arms. Now." You cut him off. You stand in front of him, concern and disappointment shines in your pupils, knowing what he actually had been doing out there alone.

His hands tremble as they stroke the hem of his jeans pockets, and his diamond eyes can't even bother to look into yours. He's embarrassed in himself. "I.. I can't do that." He mutters out, his Adams apple bobbing when he swallows his saliva.

You take matters into your own hands once you grab his forearms, bringing them to your chest to examine them. Low and behold, there lies about 5 burn marks along each one of his wrists.

Your chest tightens and your heart quits beating for a second. He promised that he'd stop. He promised that he would be good and that he wouldn't bother to ever feel a flames heat again.

He's just a pathetic liar.

"I'm.. sorry." He quietly whispers, sensing your immense disappointment. He can't bring his eyes to look into yours, let alone speak another word.

"If you were sorry, you'd stop. You've said sorry numerous times before. Sorry doesn't cut it anymore, Adam!" You begin to lash out, taking your bottled up emotions out on this poor excuse for a man.

He stands there like the boy he is. Unmoving. Broken. Lost.

"You're a liar! A fucking liar, Stanheight! First, you say you have never hurt yourself intentionally before. Then, you say it was one time. And then, you told me you would stop for good! Why can't you see that you're ruining your own life!"

He stands there as if a knife had just been twisted into his heart, causing all blood in his body to sit still. Tears that were recently threatening to fall from his eyes finally do, streaming down his cold, rosy cheeks.

"Baby, I—.." You stutter out after seeing the state hes in, but you can't find the right words to apologize for your anger. So, you do the only thing you know how to.

Bringing him closer, the cold feeling of your fingertips press against each side of his neck as you bring him into your embrace, gently stroking the back of his head.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He repeats like a broken record. His diamond blue eyes flood with tears. The sobs of a broken man escape his lips once you two fall to the floor.

You quickly shake your head, denying his claim. "No. This is my fault. I should be helping. Yet, instead of that, I'm lashing out at you as if you're a bad guy. You're not a bad guy. You're my baby boy.."